#living wage went up on the first so i updated it

[ghost-t-cryptids]

UPDATED PRICES ARE HERE!

everything explained underneath!

(Everything is in British pound sterling/£)

Backgrounds are available!

Simple backgrounds (block colour, coloured shapes, preset patterns): free!

Stained glass background: 24 GBP

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RULES:

1. I have the right to refuse any commission

2. I will not/can not draw the following: furries, non humanoid robots, children, animals, anything NS FW, heavy gore, anything bigoted, real people

3. I can draw: humans, humanoids, OCs, fanart, slight gore, blood, fire

4. Refunds are available before I send the first sketch, after that, it's partial refunds depending on where I am with the piece.

5. Payments must be done through Paypal

6. Pieces may take up to a month to finish, depending on the complexity and my physical health.

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So, what happens when you commission me?

You send me a message with either detailed written references with colour palettes OR flat colour reference images. If I agree to the piece and you've sent the payment, I will get started on it. Once I've finished the sketch, I will send that over for you to check and for any changes to be made. If you want anything more than a sketch, I will send over an update when I complete a major part of the process. Once it's completed, I will send the finished piece!

People are more than welcome to post the commission as long as I'm tagged/credited!

So yeah, I don't bite, feel free to ask any questions if you're unsure about something!!

[matan4il]

Daily update post:

A recent study (sorry, some stuff I can only find in Hebrew, this is one of those articles) shows 83% of Israeli kids are experiencing psychological distress since Oct 7. Among the kids of the south, (the area which was hit the worst, and where even communities that were not massacred by Hamas, were evacuated following this massive invasion), the percentage is even higher, 93%. An important note is that the study sampled both Jewish and Arab kids based on the size of these populations (Arabs make up 21% of Israeli citizens).

The IDF published aerial footage of Hamas stealing humanitarian aid from regular Gazans, and beating them up. If there's a blog that claims to be sharing pro-Palestinian info, but doesn't share this kind of news, they're not really pro-Palestinian, they're just exploiting Palestinians as an excuse to be anti-Israel.

The leader of Hamas in Gaza, Yahya Sinwar, is believed to have escaped from the northern Gaza City to the south, to Khan Younis, in a medical convoy. Just take in the cynical use of medical and humanitarian protections, to do anything which would prolong the fighting, no matter how many Palestinian lives it would cost. I'm trying hard to remember any other (real) liberation movement that was directly responsible for the deaths of so many of the people it seeked to liberate...

Five Israeli soldiers were pronounced dead yesterday, four were killed in Gaza, while one was badly wounded on Oct 7, and after over two months in hospital, passed away. The number of Israeli soldiers killed in the fighting in Gaza so far is 97. Up until number, the bloodiest battle Israel has had to wage in Gaza since withdrawing from it, was operation Protective Edge in 2014, with 70 Israeli soldiers killed.

The Palestinian Authority's Prime Minister said, when discussing plans for Gaza after the end of the war, that Hamas is an integral part of the Palestinian mosaic, and that dismantling Hamas is unacceptable to the Palestinian Authority.

Yesterday, an American base in Iraq was attacked by Hezbollah forces. You absolutely should ask yourself why the terrorist organization calling itself the "defender of Lebanon" has units in Iraq, and how is attacking American forces there helping Lebanon. Just a side note, Iran funds Hezbollah.

Also yesterday, the Yemenite terrorist group known as the Houthis announced that instead of going after Israeli ships only, they will target any ship that is headed for Israel through one of the most important naval routes in the world, and which is Israel's only connection to the far east. Essentially, it means they're placing Israel under a naval blockade. I'm looking forward to people condemning Yemen for occupying Israel. Just a side note, Iran funds the Houthis.

Today, it was published that in Cyprus, two Iranian political refugees, who entered the country with a fake passport, were arrested for collecting intel to carry out a terrorist attack against Israelis there. Just a side note, these refugees were in touch with Iran's political militarized force, IRGC. Stop me when you notice a theme here...

On the first even of Hanukkah, 138 hanukkiot were lit at the Kotel (the Western wall), one for each hostage. Since then, two of the hostages have been confirmed as murdered.

Following the Congress hearing where three presidents of prestigious universities couldn't explicitly say that a call for the genocide of the Jewish people constitutes bullying and harassment, UPenn's president resigned. That's good, but I wanna point out that, as their answers were obviously coordinated, down to repeating the exact same terms, there is no difference between UPenn's president and the ones of Harvard and MIT. They all need to go home. And the universities still have the burden of proof that this will be more than a cosmetic change in leadership.

I watched a TV interview with two married Israeli Harvard professors, who recounted how they went out and celebrated when Claudine Gay was elected as their university's president, and now they've chosen to leave Harvard and the US, to return to Israel, because the campus has become an environment that's just too toxic. I think if the amount of Jews who are moving to Israel, while the country is in a state of war, isn't a wake up call for the west, then nothing will be.

On the left is 25 years old Gal Eizenkott, the son of Israel's former Chief of Staff, and current minister, who is a part of the war cabinet, Gadi Eizenkott. I wrote about Gal in previous daily updates. Something I can add is that his father happened to be in an IDF command center, when they got the news of the incident in which Gal was killed. It took several minutes for the info to arrive at the command center, that one of those soldiers injured mortally was Gadi's son.

On the right is 19 years old Maor Cohen Eizenkott. Maor is Gal's cousin, and was a soccer player. He was killed a day after Gal, when an explosive device planted in a Gaza mosque blew up. Maor was buried today. May his memory be a blessing.

This is 53 years old Eitan Levi.

He was a taxi driver, who on Oct 7 took a lady to one of the kibbutzim on the border of Gaza. On his way back, he called his sister, telling her about the rocket barrages into Israel, and that he was scared. She stayed with him on the line as he was driving back from the south of Israel, but then he was stopped, his sister heard Arabic, shouts of "Allahu Akbar" and shots. Later, his phone was detected in Gaza, and he was considered kidnapped. Then Hamas released a video of its terrorists abusing a body. It was beyond recognition, but based on some accessories, the army finally determined it was Eitan, that he had been murdered on Oct 7, and it was his body that was kidnapped to Gaza. His sister watched the vid, but as the body is unrecognizable, she said in an interview, "He's the only family I have in this world. We don't even have a body to sit Shiva for. Until such time, I'm going to keep hoping he's alive, kidnapped and just injured."

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[dxmedstudent]

I haven't been on Tumblr in a while but wanted to check how you're doing! How is married life treating you and how is work- I remember last time you were applying for GP training! I'm just coming to the end of F1 :)

Me neither, Anon! Honestly? I have been meaning to come back to Tumblr a while ago, but life has been busy! I had tried to spend less time on socual media so i could focus on my membership exams, and that went too well.

Time flies, I can't believe it's been more than 10 years since I joined tumblr or graduated from med school.

I can't remember which updates I've already shared, so I'll make a list.

Married life is great - pretty similar to pre-married life. Because we started off in different cities due to my training and covid, it's honestly just a joy to live together and be able to hang out. I've been meaning to post a couple of anonymised wedding photos. It still feels amazing that we managed to get all the people we love together. We also managed to fly out to my birth country so that DxDude could meet my relatives...most of whom don't speak English. It was hilarious and lovely and he took being mobbed by an army of Eastern European Babushkas very well.

We adopted a cat! His owner died suddenly and my parents sort of got left with the cat. It was at a difficult time, as it was around the time my beloved cat passed away last year. I still miss her. But I couldn't let someone's baby, a lovely senior cat, live out his last days in a shelter. He's a little 14ish year old man called Sherlock. He loves being held and sitting on my shoulders and he drools when he gets excited. We've been trying to discourage his habit of nipping you when he wants something.

My houseplants and balcony plants may be slowly getting out of control, but I'm happy I have lots of them, and i would have more if we weren't running out of space. I'm currently waging a war against mealybugs. Send thoughts and prayers.

I did get into GP training! And it was local to where I wanted to be, which made it much easier to finally move in together. In fact, I JUST finished GP training a couple of weeks ago and am now living my GP dreams working in one of the practices that I trained in. It's very inner city London. Our patients have complex needs, and I'm honoured to ve in a team that have a lot of experience serving patients affected by substance abuse, homelessness and refugee populations and other complex issues.

We went on Honeymoon to Japan! It was amazing, and I'd still love to go again. I was bold enough to arrange my Honeymoon to be barely a month before a postgraduate exam, but I passed!

This past academic year has been filled with sitting exams and jumping through the hoops required for my eportfolio. On top of working full time as a GP. I didn't think I would do it all first time TBH, but my supervisor had more faith in me than I did. It's honestly been amazing to work for a few jobs in GP training where I felt seen and wanted and where my hard work was appreciated. I can't believe my supervisor offered me my current job, and wanted me to stay on, but they did!

I finished a diploma in sexual and reproductive health and trained in fitting contraceptive implants. I'd like to train up to fit IUDs also to try to improve local access to sexual health services.

I went on strike these past couple of years, when the junior doctors went on strike again. I'm still processing the pay offer and the new government. But I'm relieved we're no loner under the Tories.

We'd like to move house, but we've not gotten around to trying to do this seriously, because my life was already stressful enough. We do need more space, and I hope we'll find somewhere modestly nice that we can afford.

We're trying for kids, and it's sadly taking much longer than we hoped. Being a patient is...a slow and frustrating experience because it already feels like I've had to work harder than I should to advocate for appropriate care. I could say a LOT about the postcode lotteries that come with UK fertility care but I'll leave that for another post.

I've finally accepted that my hair is wavy, and I'm trying out different products to lean into the natural waves and bring them out without leaving it a frizzy Hermione-esque mess. It spent tge past years mostly in a plait or cadet bun, but I'm finally giving my hair a bit more freedom. I have NOT yet accepted that my hair is mostly white at this point. I alternate between wanting to go grey (because that would look cool) and wanting to stay brown because that's kind of how I've imagined myself for the past 35+ years.

I finally get to indulge in painting my nails. I've loved it since I was like 13 and seeing my nails sparkly and colorful brings out my inner 13 year old and she is thrilled. Every time I make my nails glow in the dark, I show them off to DxDude before bed.

My laptop died and then I inherited an old laptop from my parents which is also dying. Which is part of the reason I haven't created much art in recent years. I should probably just bite the bullet and buy a new one, but my exams and diplomas have been expensive so I've been putting it off. To be fair I also made the decision to use my limited free time to keep up with friends and family IRL and try not to feel bad about taking a break from creating. I felt like I was blaming myself for not managing to do everything I wanted to do. I've slowly accepted that none of us can do everything.

I think that's it for now. Looking forward to catching up with what medblr are up to 😃

[brigdh]

Brigdh, these are *wildly* evocative titles! I need you to know that I waffled so so much on this choice, but the one I think I need to know about the *most* is war criminals doing compensated dating.

The WIP meme!

@napneeders and @likethehotsauce also asked for this one, thank you all!

And thank you for liking the titles, but I don't think I can take any credit for them; they're just the prompts I used for inspiration. Case in point: this one! This is from when everyone was describing their favorite characters as war criminals (maybe we're still doing that? I feel like there was a peak in the term over the summer), and then someone combined that with angsty high school AUs, and voila, a bizarre combination that I somehow found incredible compelling. (Also, if you're unfamiliar with the term compensated dating, it's basically the same as a sugar baby/daddy relationship, but often with the connotation that the baby is still in high school.)

This is one where I can't really post it as finished fic because that set-up is too complicated to explain in an author's note, so you've got the whole thing below. Modern AU, Ed-focused.

Ed’s dad wasn’t around anymore. That was fine – good, actually, it was a good thing – but it turned out that the old man had paid more in rent than he’d wasted on booze. Ed should have known. His dad was a shit father and a shit husband, but he was white, and still had his high school footballer muscles, and had a way of talking to other men that made them laugh with him instead of at him. He’d never had any trouble holding down a job, no matter how often he went in late and hungover.

Ed’s mom never had a bruise on her face, these days. She never walked funny or flinched too easily. But she still wasn’t happy. She started getting home late; the few times Ed glimpsed her in daylight, there were bags under her eyes, and her mouth was pinched and thin. Ed caught her hunched over the kitchen table, writing with one of the Bic pens he brought home from school. She didn’t hear him come in, and he got close enough to read the first few lines over her shoulder before she noticed him. It was an application for the night shift at the little grocery store down the road.

“When would you sleep?” he asked.

His mom made a little sound, half snort of amusement and half exasperated sigh. “A lot of people have a second job, Ed. We should be grateful that I can work.” She smiled at him, eyes crinkled and warm. She really believed it, was the thing. All the things she said about how the world worked, and it made Ed’s instinct to shout that it wasn’t fair, wasn’t right, feel small and childish. “Besides, it’ll be temporary. Just until your father gets back.”

Ed had fucked up. He’d already known that, of course, but now there was a whole new side to how he’d fucked up.

Obviously the solution was for him to get a job, but nowhere that hired teenagers paid over minimum wage, and when Ed counted up the hours he could skip school before the social worker called the house, it didn’t add up to enough. Jack had offered to teach Ed how to pick pockets in exchange for Ed blowing him, but he suspected lifting a few wallets here and there might be fun drinking money, but it wasn’t the kind of thing that paid the rent. Ed would have to get into harder crimes to make it work, stuff with real risk if he wanted the real rewards.

Or. There was a girl who came to school every day now with designer clothes, jewelry with real stones, the newest model phone that she updated practically every month. She lived not far from Ed, and he knew none of it came from her parents. She didn’t have a lot of friends, though she’d been nice enough when they were kids. Now people whispered whore and skank when she walked by; her eyes never flickered and her fingers tap-tap-tapped on the strap of her Birkin bag.

That was Ed’s other choice. Less dangerous than crime, probably; certainly less chance of his mom finding out, since technically compensated dating wasn’t illegal. And anyway, Ed wasn’t really a virgin, so why not?

People looked at him, sometimes; he knew that. He liked it, usually. He’d been figuring out how to dress to make them look longer. When he walked home along the side of the road, sometimes a car honked at him. Not to tell him to get out of the way, but because of what they saw.

The girl with the fancy clothes, people called her needy too. Said she had no self-respect, that anyone could have her. A sick curl of recognition had squirmed in Ed’s belly. He was like that – he needed people to want him. It was like he was hungry and other people’s attention was the only thing that filled him up. It scared him: how much he needed it, the stupid things he’d done to get it. So he tried not to think about it, to stomp the craving down into the dark places of his mind where he put the things that bothered him. He could never get rid of it for long. though. He hated how weak it made him feel, how desperate.

The idea of people paying to look at him, to touch him – that didn’t sound so bad. If someone wanted to give Ed things, just because they desired him, ached for him, even loved him, maybe that would soothe the hunger in him. He could make them be the ones who needed.

In the end, it wasn’t really much of a choice at all.

[annieskawaiiworld]

Hi! I'm Joana, aka Mysty, aka a few other names depending on where you know me online! I'm a 32-year-old woman with ADHD and chronic pain, among other things, and I need help.

For almost six years I've worked at the same fast food restaurant, and even during lockdown, I got mostly full-time hours and was able to sustain myself on this job as the minimum wage in my state is higher than average and I have a sister who I live with and split bills with.

Well, back in September, I had a meltdown due to stress. Since then, I've been fighting with the store to actually cut down my hours a little so I could avoid both the extremely stressful dinner shift and being there when my ADHD medication wears off. At first I thought the store manager understood because I got the slightly shorter shifts I had requested. And then they went right back to scheduling me how they were. When I tried to talk about it, the store manager gaslit me, trying to tell me I had never said I wanted the reduced hours as my permanent schedule, even though I had a note on my phone I had written so I would be prepared with what to say when I spoke with her, timestamped for that September.

And now, because I spoke up, they've pretty much slashed both mine and my sister's hours to practically nothing. In this month of January, I've averaged between seven and thirteen hours, and my sister's been about the same. We have bills to pay! We have rent, phone, internet, groceries, everything that an adult is expected to have.

So here's where you can help me. I have a few things to present to you guys.

The first, of course, is if you'd like to make a direct donation to me, you can do so here. I have a Paypal debit card, so any funds put in there I can use right away, meaning I'd be able to pay for groceries and such directly from it without waiting to transfer to my bank account or pay the fee for instant transfer.

The next: I'm a writer! I've been making some money here and there from it. If you'd like to support me and buy my stuff, here's a list.

I'm The Reincarnation of a Water Spirit

I'm The Protagonist of an Otome Dating Sim And I Don't Like Any of My Love Interests!

I Just Want To Play The Game Without Getting Crushed By Giant Tomatoes

These three are serial stories on Kindle Vella! I update them frequently, and on top of royalties from episodes read, the more engagement (likes, faves, reads) I get, the higher my bonus from them is every month. They're stories modeled after anime and light novels, so if that's your thing, great!

Attention to Detail

This is also a Vella serial, under my pen name. This one is more American YA-style (the protagonist has ADHD and is in a relationship with another guy! Neurodivergent and LGBT rep yay!).

SK Online, Volume 1

This one is a novella, another anime-inspired story about an MMORPG. If you like .hack, you'll probably like this.

Sweet Saviors, volume 1, volume 2, volume 3

Sweet Saviors is a novella series about manga artists, starring the cutest manga-ka you'll ever meet.

The links for the novellas lead to the e-book versions, but you can click into the paperback versions if you like!

And finally, I have a merch shop! I like to draw cute things. If you like wearing t-shirts and such with cute animals and anthropomorphized food, I bet you'll love it!

You can find the Annie's Kawaii World shop here at Threadless.

If you're still reading this, I love you forever. Even if you can't donate or buy anything to help out, reblogs to spread this around to those who might be able to are deeply appreciated. Thanks, guys. You're the best.

[autisticiyami]

crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room filled with rats. th

LISTEN TO MY AUTISM-INDUCED HEADCANONS BOY. i think about him a criminal amount i have his entire life planned out to fit with that ososan repainted idea i never did anything with that goes along with 80skun. do u see the vision. no? well ill show u. welcom to my freaking twisted evil mind. rant incoming.

also im gona be hopefully updating this semi-frequently as i draw more stuff and actually feel like explaining stuff. this post will be my Iyami Autism Diary now.

i dont have specific sources on any of these rn bc im writing this on my computer and also bc its probably something i saw once and didnt bother to save or anthing so. bear with me here.

-baby iyami. loveless child. born by a mother who always knew she would be better off without him and sharing the sibling moniker with an unironic sociopath older brother. emotionally neglected and naturally socially inept due to autism, along with like.. looking like that. you know he was torn to shred by everyone. japanese kids are RUTHLESS his entire elementary/middle school experience was getting his face dragged across the concrete and his lunch money stolen. i imagine he starts to become rlly jaded and outwardly mean as a defense mechanism in like 2nd/3rd grade, finally realizing that this shit isnt all sunshines and rainbows lil bro and that no one likes him. he went to school with both honkan and kaoru, honkan he would always get into scuffles with but kaoru was like the only kid that ever genuinely attempted to be nice to iyami. read: attempted. because iyami has bpd at the ripe age of 7 and a half and screams at him whenever hes around for no reason other than that hes really scared of him being a genuinely kind person. hes a fucked up kid in a fucked up situation surrounded by nothing but apathy and misunderstanding of how he works and thinks and wants. the scar on his face comes from an incident with his older brother who i imagine got so mad at him one time that he chased iyami around with a knife threatening to slit his throat open. luckily (or probably more unluckily) he just sliced the side of his face open. that was the first and last time that iyamis mother actually worried for him. and by "worried" i mean get mad at both of them for fucking around like that and then not taking iyami to get stitches because "he'd be fine."

-iyami's highschool experience is. slightly less horrific. mostly because hes kinda just accepted that everyone in the whole world hates him and at some point realized he should just live out of spite to piss everyone else off. he never really had any career dreams mostly since the only career he realistically could have was wage slave in the city, which would be like sending him to death row for him. due to his autism and prolonged abuse from all sides, hes become kind of an expert at knowing how people work, though he doesnt necessarily understand any of it. he realizes that he would much rather be a backpeddler on the streets than a corporate slave, so when hes kicked out at like 16/17 for being literally just a curseon his mother at that point hes right out there trying to charm his way into any way to make money. first couple years were difficult, i imagine he just. didnt finish highschool due to being homeless immediately. he always had a kickass sense of style though, and maybe bc he was younger he managed to pull off charm much more successfully. honestly i dont have too many any specific ideas ab this era sowwy... bc it kinda just exists as "the part before chibita" which speaking of

-his twenties and thirties is spent like the exact same way. like the autism is strong in this one hes very content with just being the worst. but thats only because he literally sees no other way for him to live because its all hes been offered to do by life. quite fucked up! but that leaves him with a great optimism and positive "nothing in life matters!!!!" attitude. i actuallyyyyy dont know exactly how to span this next part.... but i was thinking that he met chibita when the kid was around 6 and iyami was 30. iyami just kind of... adopts him? as a weird sort of nephew. but at the same time iyami is in a perpetual state of childishness so sometimes chibita is like the parent/uncle to iyami. theyre so strange. but speaking of iyamis childishness Yeah theres some side effects of prolonged neglect and trauma since first memory surprisingly!! iyami kind of aged backwards, having to mature early to try and protect himself and keep some level of sanity, he was never really treated like a kid especially not by mother and brother or even other kids. now that he's an actual adult his brain has sort of flipped over, now stuck in a weird area of feigning immaturity in every situation that isnt immediately "life-threatening" in his eyes. all that to say that iyami is agere and is basically regressed somewhat at all times and it just varies depending on the situation.

but yeah this era. a couple years after meeting chibita he ships himself off to the city suddenly hoping to be able to make something happen there Kind of an early mid-life crisis moment. and boy it is not great! this part is where i dump the rest of trauma on him but you dont get to hear that. something something tougou's crime ring. after like a bit under a year he ends up coming back and... HOLY FUCK IS THAT A REFERENCE TO THE FIRST EPISODE OF OSOMATSU-KUN 1988??? you bet your sorry ass it is. im literally so smart they shouldve hired me to make ososan dude.

-osokun '88 era happens ig?? his old situationship behated kaoru is a cop now apparently and he's stationed right in iyami territory. quite awkward! kaoru doesnt particularly like him 1 because like. cop/criminal dichotomy first of all. 2 because iyami was a cunt to him and honkan for seemingly no reason their entire childhood and 3 iyami seems to have a really weird complex of being mean and hating kaoru currently but also obviously going out of his way to get in kaoru's way. quite immature! i explained why that is though. kaoru in his infinite sweetnes though eventually just kinda feels bad for the dude because its kinda just pathetic at this point and also because he DOES know that iyami is actually a super cute sweet guy because there was one (1) time where as a kid iyami let his guard down around kaoru and played with him at his house after school just to be completely ripped to shreds literally and figuaratively by his classmates the next day when kaoru was acting super friendly with him and iyami just kinda blamed him for it for like 20 years. VERY pathetic! but he was like 9 dude. kaoru understands this and kinda just... lets iyami wreak havoc more than he would other people partly bc he still thinks hes pretty silly.

i have a whole big episode idea of the two getting together and probably hundreds of headcanons and ideas about the two together but tbh?? im gonna spare you and keep it as paraphrased as i can manage for both of our sanities. but watch me go back and edit this post or make a new one just infodumping ab everything about them.

but like yeah ig events happen. hey do u remember iyami's "daughter" who is actually his niece because there is no fucking way in any reality that this guy has procreated?? well she comes in sometime around here becasue her father (still an untreated aspd) kind of doesnt give a shit and neither does her whore mother and they choose to dump their kid off with uncle iyami for the summers now. yay!! i also have a lot of headcanons and stuff ab her (her name is hiyori btw) but thats for another post.

iyami's family turns into basically him, his husband, and his two (sometimes three) (some not actually legit) (and one is gone when it isnt the summer) neicephews. isnt that awsome??? i cry and scream and throw up just thinking about it. sometimes iyami is the nephew but thats awesome. sometimes a family can be some gay man and an orphan that is his husband's nephew and his husband's actual niece, his husband's lesbian best friend that is basically an aunt at this point, and his husband who is sometimes also his nephew/child because of cptsd and they are all autistic. truly beautiful stuff.

and yeah thats. that. like i said i'll be updating this with better explanations of stuff and hopefully actual art But this works for now!!!! no one wanted this but the world got it anyway. you can thank me later.

[clevermrclandestine]

Well, it's been a while. Dips in mood do that. My bad.

FAMILY Honestly, haven't seen 'em much. Feels good. The few times I have seen them, though, were great! I saw my mom last week when I did my laundry at her house (she always says "Oh, don't forget to bring ALL of your laundry this time! That includes your bedding."). Thank you, Mom. I appreciate you sharing your resources with the needy. She works from home one day a week which gives us time to catch up. I usually don't have much to update her on (I live a nice, boring life), but I always love to hear how she's been and what she's been up to. All that jazz. Had dinner with my two older sisters and their families including my three nephews as well as my dad and his family. It was a nice time. The service at the restaurant was slow as fuck, though. Exceptionally so, in fact. My thought was, "Wow, they must not have wages high enough to ensure competent, reliable workers. Fuckin' management." Having worked in food service for a significant portion of my life, there is little the staff can do other than their best. Aside from that, it was awesome getting to see my nephews talking and interacting with everyone at the table. To me, kids are useless until they start developing sentience. Then things start to pay off. Oh, Nova (my cat) is doing great! Still shedding like crazy, but I'm still willing to look past that. I got here a cheap toy from a thrift store down the road and that mother fucker doesn't even play with it! Like, come on! I'm really tryin', here. Kidding aside, it's nice having something to take care of. But a potted plant would be a lot easier… we'll see.

JOB SEARCH I am taking my mom's advice and looking for a long-term, chemistry-related job. After all, I went to school for chemistry. Been coming up with a cover letter (my first, actually) for whatever places near me are hiring. So far, I have one that has openings listed. Maybe I should just call the other places and inquire directly. A part of me thinks they would appreciate the effort, but another part thinks they would think I am wasting their time. Either way, I will do whatever I need to… things gotta' change.

MENTAL HEALTH No updates, really. Except that I have been getting "brain zaps" again which is odd given that I haven't missed any doses of Paroxetine. They only occur with lateral eye movements (No idea why. Don't ask me.) on some days. Overall, it isn't much of a concern. It's just interesting. Need a blood draw for a lithium level per request of my psychiatrist. Actually, a PNP: they're cheaper. You get used to needles over time. It hurts to say, but I need to stop ingesting political content. It just stresses me out. Also, some good news: I have been drinking less. A lot less. Now, just kick the nicotine and I'll finally be free… but let's be realistic.

PHYSICAL HEALTH Been running a lot. My version of a lot, anyway: 5 days/wk for >3mi @ ~8.5-9min/mi Was really proud of myself the other day when I went for 5 miles, but, shit, I was exhausted. Gonna have to take a break from running, though; shin splints, such bullshit. I guess my stationary bike should suffice, and if I don't build up my core strength then I will never reach my goal of a comfortable 5mi @ <8.5mi/min. That is why God invented situp benches. I'm kidding. People invented those. They also invented gods, now that I think about it. My diet has been leaner the past few weeks. Thank christ that I am not baking anymore. It's for my own good: I always eat whatever I decide to bake. And yes, it is always sugary, salty, and fucking delicious. So carbs are a no go for me, right now. I'll celebrate with a cheat day once I get below 170lbs… just 5 more pounds, mother fucker.

HOBBIES N' SHIT As the first line in this post suggests, I really haven't done many things I enjoy. Sure, I jot down the random ideas I have throughout the day, reorganize my papers and files, and read about the things I like. But I haven't been doing them consistently. Doing them has taken too much effort the past few weeks. Hell, I'm surprised I've been running as much as I have. I feel proud of it, sure, but… I don't know.

[themultiuniversal]

Core-js and its creator who has been thanklessly maintaining it for the last 9 years

I want to preface this by saying that I only have a surface knowledge of javascript and that most of the info here I got from a brief bout of research so there may be some inaccuracies.

Anyway, I was surfing the webs when I came across a post about core-js.

Curious, I looked further into it and found a, frankly, heartbreaking story. The author of core-js detailed everything in a very long post here but I will summarise the important points below.

What is core-js?

Core-js is an open-sourced (free) library for the programming language JavaScript. It essentially helps make JavaScript codes compatible with all browsers, allowing developers to use any application without having to check whether a given bowser supports it or not. This also enables backward compatibility with older browsers.

It is used in most of the other major JavaScript libraries, has a total of 9 billion downloads, with 35 million downloads in just the past week alone, and is present in more than 52% of the top 1000 websites. This includes whatsapp, Netflix, ebay, Apple, PornHub, paypal, and spotify.

Suffice to say, core-js is a key part of the modern web infrastructure and if it were to go down then many sites would stop working and a lot of work and effort would have to be put in to make and maintain something even as remotely good as it.

And the person responsible for it all? The person who spent the past 9 years toiling endlessly to update the library to include new features, to ensure that interoperability between browsers still work smoothly?

Denis Pushkarev

Denis Pushkarev published the core-js library in 2014 and has spent all his time since then maintaining it. This is no easy task - requiring around 250 hours a month to make sure it continues to be up to standard.

In fact, he quit his high paying programming job to focus on core-js because the job didn't give him enough time to properly maintain the library and no one else wanted to take over from him because of how monumental of a task it would be. He even moved back to his home country of Russia so he could continue coding and living with relatively little money, taking occasional contract works to stay afloat.

He set up donation links at the end of his core-js library to help make ends meet and initially got about $2500 per month, from other individuals in the programming community and various small corporations. This number eventually decreased to $1700 after a few months.

In 2022, when Russia invaded Ukraine, one of Denis' main donation site, Tidelift, which contributed about $1000 per month to his income, stopped operating in Russia. They refused to pay him any money that they still owe him, so his income was down to $800 per month. This went down further to $400 per month by the time he made his post in 2023.

At $400 per month for 250 hours of work, he would be working at less than $2 per hour. A criminally low wage for a programmer maintaining one of the most used libraries in JavaScript.

Prison

Right, you're all probably wondering about the prison bit. In 2020 Denis got into a motor accident where he accidentally killed a person who was crossing the road and injured another.

I won't go into specifics (you can read more in Denis' post that I linked near the top if you want) but he went to prison for 10 months and got into debt from financial claims from the victims' families.

What now?

After everything, he made the post I linked at the start: both a call for donations and an ultimatum that if he didn't get enough then he would have to either stop maintaining the library and seek full employment or move the library from open source to commercial.

Many of you might wonder why he didn't just turn it commercial in the first place rather than keep it open source, to which his reply was

"Changing the license will cause too many problems for many people. Many packages depend on core-js and are free for commercial usage. Changing the core-js license will break their licenses."

As a result of his post, he received significant donations which allowed him to continue with his work. However, most of the donations were one time and, 1 year on, his recurring donations are currently at $4k per month which is slowly decreasing as time goes on.

What's your point?

Ultimately, I'm just someone who came across this and was shocked at how underreported it was. The story seemed to exist only in programming communities.

Therefore, I just wanted to make a post here to raise awareness that one of the most critical piece of modern web infrastructure is being maintained by one man who has been diligently doing this task for the past 9 years.

And his name is Denis Pushkarev.

And, hey, if you're a programmer who has used core-js in some way or just wanted to throw money his way, you can find his patreon here and his opencollective here.

[elihslife]

Life Update

Hmmm... I feel a bit. Tangled.

I've been spending a lot of time with Sancho.

Which is nice. I like it. I like him. But I feel like I'm getting caught up too quickly in our hang outs that I and slacking on other things around my life.

It's nice that tonight we are spending time apart. I took a much needed nap after work. Then went to the pharmacy to pickup my medications and tools for my testosterone shot.

Came home and did it.

I've got a jam packed weekend ahead of me.

Tomorrow hanging out with a friend who lives in the Memorial area.

Saturday, work, then a date with a guy (no nickname, yet).

Sunday I might see Sancho. Or I might hang out with another friend or just take the day to be with me.

Monday, another date with another guy (also no nickname).

I also broke my 79 days of sobriety. At first it was okay. Sancho and I went on a trip to Austin, which was a lot of fun. Showing him my old spots and such.

Some of which were bars or breweries.

But then I got home and started buying beers again. Drinking a 6 pack every night. Or almost.

So. Here we are.

Almost 1 day into sobriety again.

Which is okay. Things happen.

I noticed what was going to happen and I'm stopping it.

One step at a time. Right?

Yeah.

Anyways. Ugh. I have a ticket I need to figure out what to do about. I also have a Jury Summons. Grr.

I am struggling a little with bills as I've been going out on adventures more recently vs being home more often. So. I need to really buckle down and start applying to new jobs. I don't see us getting any substantial raise that would equate a livable wage for 1 without support of another income coming into the home. Which I'm not looking for.

I like how easy my job is, but ugh. It's not what I use to make. No where near. And no matter what small things I try to cut, its not enough for some bigger bills I got.

Welp. Anyways. Thats my life update.

Tata.

[blahandwhatever]

Spent much time these past few weeks working diligently on various assessments, sometimes job applications, sometimes actual work. Got offered a bit of work that pays fuck all and barely feels worth doing; still didn't get paid for the social media project I did a month ago due to excruciatingly slow processes - probably won't be until mid-December.

Decided I needed to add some credentials or something to my resume to make myself a bit more competitive - one or two for what I already do, since I don't have directly relevant education and some MFs do like to see that regardless of how much experience you have, and maybe more later for some additional skills to expand my range. So I signed up for a certificate program and thought I'd race through that in a couple of weeks but got interrupted by a big project from an old side job I hadn't heard from since January. Both the pay and the expected turnaround were unreasonable for the size of the project, but I badly needed the money, so I took it. Part of me resented the pay and expectations - of this job and so many new ones I've come across still offering wages that would've been abysmal even five years ago. Part of me felt like I was paying some penance for my previous hubris and carelessness and accepted my lot. Part of me thought about all the people who get worked to death on a regular basis and figured, even if I had to join their ranks for a week, all in all, I still didn't have it so bad. (Also, hello past self! Hello past self in your long-commute office job living-with-parents poor-mental-health years of hell.)

The first two days were a big adjustment to being Busy after months of being Not Busy, filled with resentment and distraction. The next two days - last weekend - I got in a zone with it, got a decent amount done while still making plenty of time for other things. Monday was a big marathon I hoped would leave me with a lighter load for Tuesday, maybe a little left over for Wednesday at worst. Tuesday, I didn't get through as much as I'd hoped to, and it was clear there was no way I'd finish that night, so I didn't push myself too hard. Wednesday. Wednesday, I'd hoped to have a chill day between the busy week and Thanksgiving. I still had a decent chunk of the project left, but it seemed manageable. At worst, at least I could relax at night. I got part of it done in the afternoon, went to Whole Foods, came back, had dinner. Client asked if I was close to done. I said 2-3 more hours. I got back to work, feeling pressured and efficient, but two hours in, it was clear I was still far from done. Updated the client that it might be another couple of hours on top of what I'd said. Then those hours passed, and by this point I was consumed by a stress I had not experienced at work in years. Client probably went to bed. I finished around 2:20 AM, desperate for wine I never seem to have when I actually need it. It was hard to wind down, my body tingling with electricity, but I got there eventually, still disappointed with my small sliver of free time.

And then there was Thanksgiving - an unusual one I didn't know what to expect from. My parents still live together but don't talk or see each other much - my mother's postponed the divorce process until January due to some kind of tax complication, and the drama has mostly simmered down (he opened a piece of her mail from an unclear addressee - her boss at work, it turned out - because he's still paranoid about her and men, albeit more quietly. she bit her tongue about it. he said he'd move out by November but didn't. apparently hasn't been working and spends most of his time out playing poker. travels occasionally. sent her pictures from a beach one time). I figured someone in my father's family would host Thanksgiving, but I never heard from anyone. I was going to spend most of it with my mother - who wouldn't be joining them even if invited - in any case.

I managed to get up at an okay time and found that, overnight, I'd developed The Bullshit again in my right eye - thank the relentlessness of yesterday and refusal (big mistake) to take a quick break to wash my eyes when they felt irritated. The redness subsided a bit over time but didn't fully go away. I wanted to get dressed up like always for the holidays, more to make things feel normal for my mother than anything, and spent the usual forever curling my hair. And I thought I'd timed and planned things pretty well, but there's always some things I didn't account for, always so many fucking things, and I ended up running 20 minutes late.

On the way, the world greeted me with so much beauty. Sunshine, big wispy clouds, a trace of a rainbow. Brilliant red trees still going strong, flocks of birds seconds too late to take a picture. I hoped it was a good omen - but it wasn't.

My mother, proudly punctual person that she is, probably resented my lateness a bit. She's used to it - but she goes back and forth between expecting and resenting it. Maybe it matters more on a day like this.

My father was gone - apparently had planned to stay until my mother told him she wasn't having it. Further sign his family probably wasn't doing Thanksgiving.

My brother was home - I, as always, happy to see him but never knowing what to expect. He'd been sick with the flu. He was on the more cranky and withdrawn side of his spectrum.

My mother started out a mix of cheerful and quieter than usual. My brother was unfriendly and a bit rude to her. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she sat in silence, and I felt her heartache - at her efforts never being appreciated, at her inability to connect with her child, at her dearth of family, at her joyless holidays, at her whole life. I wanted badly to think of more to say than I was able to, to liven things up somehow. It's not something I'm great at. I felt the inadequacy I'd felt with her all my life, at being too quiet. Sometimes it was something I was unfairly resented for, but sometimes being a better talker and socializer would genuinely be helpful. And I thought, if my brother and I are the only family she has left, holidays are going to be rough. This is the kind of thing she cares about. Even I felt something lacking. Even when we spent holidays alone, with our father, during COVID, it was a little different. Between him and my mother being talkative, and me somewhat trying, things didn't feel so dead even if my brother was quiet or cranky. Not that I would want my father to be a part now. But still, it's rough. Granted, my brother was sick and tired and maybe that affected things too. My mother had said he'd generally been friendlier with her lately. But he'd also refused her suggestions of medication and rest instead of going out, which made her feel bad too.

I remembered my mother mentioning she'd like to learn to play cards, or chess, and went searching for the cards or chessboard that had been in the house somewhere, asked my brother for help, couldn't find them anywhere. Desperate, I drove to Walgreens, bought a pack of cards, dragged over my tired reluctant brother, and played a game with them both. Then I played some more with my mother. I don't know that it made her happy per se, but at least it was a pleasant little distraction. Then she talked about her life and her health and how she was thinking of moving out because she couldn't keep living like this with my father.

My father came home at the same time as I did from Walgreens, his face stressed and weathered. We shared a cursory hug and Thanksgiving wishes. I felt kind of bad if he didn't get to have dinner with either family - he, like my mother, is the kind of person who needs that stuff. I don't really know how to feel about him now. His every transgression against my mother has made me feel intolerant toward him, but I feel sorry for him at the same time, and I don't know if being untethered from all meaningful relationships won't make him lose his mind more.

Anyway, he went to his room, and I didn't see him after that.

All in all, it was a pretty depressing affair, every person in that house unhappy, ever the cesspool of misery.

Afterward, I felt very tired and a bit sniffly for a couple of days. Friday, I had no energy and let myself do pretty much nothing. It was deserved after the past week. Yesterday, I managed to go to a store and do a few chores. Today I did a job application and a small work project, and was supposed to do more around the house at night but got sleepy. Overnight, it snowed, which I wasn't quite ready for, but after Thanksgiving, I can live with it.

Despite the unloading of heavy stuff here, there is so much more, and life is still largely good.

Now I'm hoping for a productive - but not stressful - end of November.

[darkdreamtheorist]

Lady in Whiskers & Slippers (Updated 11-19-23)

(Sling Set, 19. October) Back in Cinci-Oh, I struggled to earn small wages doing odd jobs in my awkward teen years. At Human age 13, my limbs shot up like bamboo n my paws were whopee cusions, yet Im still kitten sized compared to Big Rhonda n Aunt Jane (Circene screwd my mom's genetics more than dad screwed her in the motel 6 pool that birthed me! srry TMI). Two of my best gigs boiled to babysitting and the Cactus Joan Revue at Cincinnati Zoo. Sure I liked pouncing thru loops made by my preternatural tail Slink n wranglin livestock by the petting zone in Aunt Jane's Cowgirl dress from her Paris,Texas Runway last spring when she toured w/Coco Banana, the sitting jobs fared better cuz I met some critters as odd as I am, like that pygmy hippo boss baby Benny and his growth formula down by Wall Street, or that shadeling Taz Devil Vincent from Brisbane, Australia. But my recent sitting gig had some skeletons I hadnt noticed til then, n it all came to my sitee Last July.

I took care of a literal cat lady and her litter of 35 for 3 wks in her rustic Rhode Island shack. Her name was Julie Phyllis. 30yrs ago, she was a former resi of Spooner Street with a handful of cats, plus a large tabby w/black stripes she calls Mistress Bengal acting as security for the few dogs that dare cross her sidewalk n lawn. Lately some rowdy kids spouted off tall tales of her becoming a cat herself or that Bengal would take her place if she wasn't fed well enough. Wutever the case, she had gradually gone from Crazy Ol Cat Lady to Crazy Ol Cat IRL 'round Halloween time. They hadnt figured what caused her transfur, say for some strange glowing plants by her yard. Her cats musta rubbed on the leaves which carried bits of Circene spores in'em, then she rubbed her face n hands on their fur, turning her to this light orange Tabby I saw my first week of Nana-sitting, or maybe Ms. Bengal had been Mobilized n took Phyllis' place. Like any bothersome pets in the suburbs, her neighbors had shooed them far out of town, living their next nine lives in that shack. Few things to know bout my time w/Ms. Phyllis 2/3 weeks in: 1-Her signature clothes were a periwinkle bathrobe,small round glasses, n peach slippers in stockings. But as a Barban spinster housecat who could shift from anthro to feral at random, she rips her pantyhose clawing n stretching her toes apart when going full cat. Otherwise she's naked in both her Mobile and Wild stance sans a grey-blue collar on her neck with a tag reading "Bagel" whn goin out,wearin it as if she was that same cat that passed not too long ago. And I no shame luv it! 2-Her cats see her as Queen of the Litterbox given her girth from eating too much Meow Mix n cream, but I see a deluded fat-ass pussy, which is no different than other cats, playin round the scratch post, lappin that saucer of cream n tuna. 3-Litterbox stank n dander everywhere was unbearable 4-A pantry stocked full'o'tuna cans, milk & cream yet she forgets to feed them while gourging on the rations herself, chowing so much Meow mix like Trail Mix n guzzling gallons upon gallons of milk!

All that said, she wasnt a bad client, forgetful n piggy yes, but not awful, n still tho...I cudnt help but shake that we were kindred in some way, dark stripes n glasses aside. Few times we went Out to walk, Julie hung with her Golden Girls by a small pet friendly café, sharing gossip from the pets on Spooner street n out of state, comparing pills n claw lengths, wooing would-be mates at the Petsmart n VFW home. She was almost like family to me, rekindling our bonds after we havnt seen one another for a long time.

Near the end of week 2, I saw some frames of Phyllis with her 'tiger cat' Ms. Bengal almost one n the same at this point, even wearin the confounded collar with the wrong name Bagel. Another frame of that cat corners my eye, with a Persian and Siamese by her side, but she wore an enchanting Viper Green collar. Funny how they look a bit like my aunt n uncle on my mom's side, Muffin & Finch. Dad told me they had another tabby as a friend by name of Bagel, looking way too same-ish as Julie on that big orange Snick couch there by the TV set with all the other cats huddled over for daytime soaps or Price is Right like my inlaws did at the adoption center– ⚡️👓⚡️😳 Oh my...I blocked that thought out as a cub some point, not giving 2¢ about it, but it factors into my lineage with Ma when she left our lives. I was too bashful to blurt out my discovery in front of her cats lest they attack their False Queen in shock. Tho given her short-term memory loss, she wudnt hav known herself much post-TF. Was she Ms. Bengal or Julie Phyllis? TBC

[leshitshow]

I want to burn aspects of my job down

I got burned at my job this year and it hurt so much. I've been at my position for five years. I was hired because I know foundations of database management. At the time it was a fantastic offer. I was being paid an actual living wage, for once, and my boss was hugely supportive of me going back to school. It was part-time but basically I could make my own hours.

Fast-forward to this year and ...

A) I haven't been given a raise, once. B) The proprietary software I am dependant on is managed by me but it's seven years out of date and the old boomers in my office who decide on instituting updating anything are absolutely terrified to update the software... it's fucking stupid. The software is barely limping along. C) The leadership promoted my co-worker to do more admin shit, pulling my assistance of database management away. To be honest, that's ok. I like my co-worker but he never actually managed the parts of the database I needed him to. After he was "promoted", I asked for full-time since I was a man down and the bosses pretty much laughed in my face. The database needs one full-time manager and at least two part-time admins. Currently, there's literally just one part-time admin that is pretty much the manager as well.... which is me. I do the bare min because of lack of compensation and overall treatment. D) One person quit (the VP's pet/assistant) and .... I'm glad, honestly because they meddled way too much in my division and fucked a lot of shit up. They're thankfully gone now but what they left behind is a joke of a competitor piece of database management to what I work on. My proprietary software manages assets and creates tickets when necessary. The person who quit put together a Microsoft Teams based piece of shit "tIcKeTiNg sYsTeM" that doesn't fucking work. Omg it's the biggest piece of shit...

But because "the pet" was basically "the favorite" - they were permitted the luxury of leaving their lane, wasting time learning the basics of Microsoft - but barely, building a shitty ass system no one needed, and implementing it. And now - for whatever ego cucking reason their system is still allowed to run and complicate the work orders our whole company needs every fucking day. E) The leadership promoted a nice human to basically do what the other asshole person who quit does... but like... I don't know what these people do, tbh. They have zero expertise but are given freedom to play in areas of expertise they have no experience in. They pretty much come into work, suck some metaphorical dick, and then are given free range to do whatever they want - where and whenever. This new person admined the building's parking. That's their previous exp. Like, they literally just used excel to track whatever related to where a car goes in the garage and told people where to park. They didn't build a single system of work flow. They just did what they were told. And now they've been promoted to a whole other position under the CFO and all she does is get into other people's business. She's now running "the pet's" Microsoft system too which... what? How does a parking monkey get a software gig? And it still doesn't work AT ALL. It actually works worse, tbh. Shocking, I know. F) The worst rub of it all is after "my co-worker "the pet" left our dept and left me to deal with this whole mess I saw there was a new job posted for Sustainability Manager. It's a pay bump and fulltime and I am sick of this position. I also have sustainability research and writing on my resume and have managed their fucking asset systems for five years. I am perfect for that gig. When I went to apply the VP of Ops threw my resume in the trash and told me I didn't have the experience... this is the same bitch who let her asshole previous assistant who has zero software competence build and implement a ticketing system that does. not. work.

Today is my first day back into the office since last week and I just want to set everything on fire.

[romantic-charm]

I am so full of love right now, I feel like if Im gonna burst if I don't brag on him a little.

He understands my D/s lifestyle, but he has never lived it, technically. He's just very dominant, and in his culture the men generally are. He also has not participated in it sexually but has no problem doing it with me. Lucky💓

Dominance just drips from him. I cannot explain how sexy it is when a dominant man doesn't even realize what he's doing.

I'm a hopeless romantic, and extremely passionate. Touch is definitely one of my love languages. He's matched my emotional intensity all this time. Of course, living on opposite sides of the planet, with a 23-hour time difference, and a 21-hour flight time is going to be tricky for anyone, let alone passionate ones. He's stronger mentally. I definitely struggle. But he makes sure my struggle is brief.

The cost of our romance is the obstacle. Wages in his country are almost nothing. He works very hard though. I'm a full-time (2nd year) student getting a software engineering degree. Ive been putting my resume in probably 15-20 places each week. But my abilities are limited, and being disabled reduces my options. Equal opportunity is such a lie. Having a disability is why I went back to school in the first place, so I could get a better job, and not be borderline poverty level anymore. The flight alone is between 2 and 3 thousand. We are saving carefully but dude, the timeline is killing me.

He is so thoughtful. He never speaks to me without referring to me as love, darling, etc. He expresses his feelings to me in such an elegant way. He sends me videos, from the gym, he plays guitar and sings to me, video chats with me almost every day, we make love almost every day (sometimes twice😈), and we chat in the morning and again at night.

Everything every vanilla girl would want. But he fulfills my D/s needs too. He lights my body up with his strength and dominance. He is particular that I am in bed by 11pm, that I exercise and eat right, and that I study hard. He's planning our future with so much forethought.

He makes me the happiest Ive ever been, and we aren't even physically together yet.

I'll be updating often. I'm a casual writer, so Im always spilling everything in one way or another.

[thetldrplace]

Wage, Labor, and Capital- Karl Marx

I’m continuing posting my notes as I’m reading through what I’ve termed the Commie Classics. This is from the first book of Vol II; Wage, Labor, and Capital, by Karl Marx.  My own comments are indented, but I’ve made only one comment here, so mainly these are my notes as I’m trying to understand what Marx was saying.

Introduction- by Engels

Engels points out that the work was derived from lectures given around 1849. But the reprint of these ideas has been updated to show Marx's development over the years to his more fully realized accounting. The main point is the development from workers selling their labor for wages, to selling their labor-power.

Chap 1 What are Wages? How are They Determined?

It appears capitalists buy a worker's labor for an amount of money. What workers actually sell is their labor-power.

Wages are a commodity like any other, and have a value like any other commodity.  

Workers sell their labor-power in order to live. His work is the active expression of his own life, and he sells it in order to secure the necessary means to life. He works that he may keep alive.  

Chap 2 By What Is the Price of a Commodity Determined?

Competition between buyers and sellers, relation of supply to demand, the call to the offer.

A commodity price rises and falls according to these laws, but what is a rise and fall of prices? By what is the relation of supply and demand determined? It's essentially the cost of production.

If for example, there is growing demand for a particular commodity, then the price will rise because production hasn't caught up yet, meaning there is more competition for the commodity in existence.

Marx notes that if the price of silk doubles, then the value of the other things given in its place decrease correspondingly. If that sounds confusing, then it's basically that every commodity has a monetary value. If silk was one dollar, and then we pay two, the value of the silk went up, but the value of the dollar went down, since it now takes two of them to get the same amount of silk.  

If prices go up in one area, capital floods into the market to produce more of the thing until some equilibrium is established.

Conversely, if there is less demand for a product, then capital is withdrawn until it reaches equilibrium.

The equilibrium is essentially the cost of production, so price is ulitmately determined by the cost of production.

Chap 3 By What Are Wages Determined?

The same laws governing prices of commodities also govern wages. What is the cost of maintaining labor-power? The cost required for the maintenance of the laborer and for his education and training. If your job requires no particular expertise, then the cost is limited to keeping him in working condition, whatever it takes for subsistence.

But just like wear and tear on machinery must be taken into account, the cost of labor production must include the cost of propagation- replacing the workers.

Chap 4 The Nature and Growth of Capital

In the process of production, human beings work not only on nature, but on one another. They produce working together in a specific way, and those social relations are how production takes place.

The totality of these relations is society, and each stage of society has particular types of relations.

Capital is a social relation of production. It consists not only of materials and labor, but also of exchange values, all of which are commodities.  

While everything that makes up capital is a sum of commodities, not every sum of commodities is capital. What makes it capital is the social labor-power. The necessary presupposition of Capital requires the existence of a class with nothing but the ability to work. Furthermore, Marx defines Capital as not just labor as a means of production, but it requires the fact that labor exists purely to preserve its exchange value.  

Dave notes:

I feel like Marx is being exceptionally careful here to define capital as only a system which ensures a subsistence-level working class. But if that's actually the case, then wouldn't it follow that a system in which that wasn't the case, wouldn’t qualify as capitalism?

Chap 5 Relation of Wage-Labor to Capital

Laborers receive wages, their means of subsistence, in exchange for their labor-power. The capitalist receives the productive activity of the laborer, which gives a greater value than it previously possessed to the commodity.  

The laborer uses all his wages for immediate consumption, while the capitalist doubles his through the laborers efforts. Capital presupposes wage labor and wage labor presupposes capital. Capital can only multiply by calling wage-labor to life.

But suppose the most favorable outcome: capital needs more labor, so wages increase. A house may be large or small, it satisfies the social requirements as long as the neighboring houses are the same size. But if a palace springs up next door, the house becomes a hut. Socially, it is relegated to insignificance.

Our wants and desires originate in society, we therefore measure them in relation to society.

Chap 6 The General Law That Determines the Rise and Fall of Wages and Profits.

There is an inverse relation at work. Profit rises in the same degree wages fall, and vice versa.

Marx grants that other factors at play may increase the capitalist's market share, and profit can increase in these scenarios. But, Marx argues, the results are the same. Profit didn't rise because wages fell, but nevertheless, wages have fallen in reality as profit has risen. I'll assume he means that as the profit has increased, wages should have risen equally, but since they didn't, they fell relatively.

Chap 7 The Interests of Capital and Wage-Labor are Diametrically Opposed: The Effect of Growth of Productive Capital on Wages

Even if wages grow in profitable years, they never grow as much as the profit, which means relative wages have decreased.

Chap 8 In What Manner Does the Growth of Productive Capital Affect Wages?

One capitalist can only drive off others by selling more cheaply, which means he must produce more cheaply, usually by increasing the productive force of labor.

This can be done by a greater division of labor, or more efficient methods of production. When this happens, it kicks off a race for the other capitalists to take advantage of the same measures so as not to be left behind.  

Chap 9 Effect of Capitalist Competition on the Capitalist Class, the Middle Class, and the Working Class

Marx argues that irrevocable laws of capitalism force producers to greater productivity or death. This inexorable march is equally applicable to wages. Laborers are forced to produce more, and the forces of capitalism continually divide labor into simpler tasks until special skill is worthless.  

This force makes the laborer's work more unsatisfactory and unskilled, and at the same time, makes it easier for even more laborers to compete with him for his job, which forces down his wages.

Displaced workers from dying industries can only find work in lower paying industries.

Additionally, Marx argues, the working class will draw more and more from the middle classes, swelling the ranks of the proletariat.

Small manufacturers couldn't survive against large entities in a struggle of production, so they must succumb.

Ultimately capitalism drags society completely down under the weight of its own laws. It is unsustainable.

[resmarted]

some updates:

- anne went to my house to feed my poor cat and cleaned my kitchen for me like an angel. making sure the universe blesses her with everything she needs and more even if i have to rob a goddamn bank to do it my damn self

- THREE different people WIPED their filthy fucking hands on me like i am a human napkin including directly on my skin after i finally had a shower for the first time in days. i want you to know right now that if anyone touches me from here on out especially without my consent i’m elbowing you in the fucking nose and lighting your goddamn house on fire seriously what the FUCK is wrong with people like the actual fuck

- the nurses are getting progressively more neglectful with each shift change and i’m lucky if they even return within the same hour that they’re supposed to. i’m literally so afraid to bother anyone ever and am constantly trying to do things myself so i don’t have to put anybody out and it’s very frustrating when i actually need something like time sensitive pain meds!!!

- i still have not gone thru surgery. i barely see doctors no one knows what is going on and i’m constantly too tired to look at my phone or respond to anyone’s texts and i’m exhausted by everything in general. the doctors were supposed to come for a second round at the end of the day and never did.

- i did start giving nurses readings because i’m literally turning into my mother who is also known to do this when she’s in the hospital. very fun way to make friends! hoping it makes them a little more prompt with my meds intake tomorrow 😩

- i want to fucking die! how am i alive? how am i still in the hospital? this issue has been going on since monday. they told me if they take out the infected implant they may have to take out the bridge in my mouth built from a fibula they removed from my leg a couple years ago. i said FUCKING DO IT it’s done me no good my entire life is a nightmare ever since that operation! they still have not made a decision if they will.

- the scary thing is i’m not even at the university hospital this time, i’m at a relatively good one. this is so telling of the healthcare system at large. nurses are making what is supposed to be the current minimum wage had it gone up every year as was intended and they all have compassion burnout from being stuck indoors all day being treated like glorified maids. the rooms are overflowing there’s way too many patients and not enough staff and when you do talk to a doctor they’re straight up ready to go to lunch like you can tell they’re counting down the clock for when they can go to a bar. i fkn hate this system we live in and i swear to christ i will go down fighting it until a bloody demise.

- this could not be happening at a worse fucking time!!! rent is due im missing work i have an hour special to prepare for including promo i was in the middle of working on for my birthday show standup act where i have spent the last year refining discussing this very topic.

- everything that could go wrong is and my cat does not like to be alone without mommy!!

- the dilaudid is still good tho. would like to have this each night in a martini glass.

- please keep in your prayers the next person that dares to fucking touch me i swear to god.

[in-between-sleep-and-awake]

The great laptop debacle of 2022

Long post ahoy, friends.

Those of you that know me know I’m what one might call “gifted” with technology.

If by “gifted” you meant “apparently have an aura which all electronics seem to find Not Good—honestly it’s almost impressive.”

Well buckle up kids because it’s gotten worse!

A week ago my trusty laptop (trusty aside from the time the whole hard drive had to be replaced because it decided to just wig out) and I were logging into a Zoom call when suddenly the entire screen went fuzzy. Panicking because I was already late for this meeting, I handed it off to my brother and joined the call via cell phone. Thirty minutes later I walk into the living room to see my brother looking up how to get new screens. By connecting my laptop to the television, because the entire screen was now black with the exception of approximately ten rows across the top bravely soldiering on.

“This doesn’t look good,” I said.

“That’s because it isn’t,” Brother replies.

Keep in mind I’ve only had this laptop for about two years and have been very careful with it (as the machine it was replacing broke in half on me at approximately a year old—what did I say? Gifted).

So the next day I take it to a local computer repair store. He looks at it, says it should be a pretty simple fix, as one of the LEDs went out. Apparently this means the rest of them decided to also cease function as a show of solidarity, which I found a tad over dramatic, but who am I to judge. He says he should call me back in a couple days with an estimate.

Cut to today, exactly one week later. I am in college, and so being PC-less for a week has been very difficult. I call and, once I say who I am and ask for an update, the first thing I am asked is “have you ever dropped this system?”

Friends, this is not something you want to hear if you have not, in fact, ever dropped your system. I informed him that, no, I’ve tried to be careful with it.

Apparently every screen he has tried to put in has had the same issue. Which is, in fact, a problem.

He told me he will check to see if he can find this specific type of screen he *thinks* will work is on sale and call me back, but also that it might be easier and less expensive to simply buy a new laptop.

Which, might I say, is never something you want to hear from a repairman.

Tl;dr: computers have waged war on me and they’re winning