#Joan’s Parck
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Midnite Snak Run Central Park,NY w/RJ, Stella & Rachel
#Joan’s Parck#central park#OTH fanon#aggretsuko fanon#oc fanon#midnight snack#job opportunities#no feeding animals#office humor
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Joan’s Parck: Two Frisky Cats
as told by Joan Tgn
Pete & PJ r two chubby black-furred cats adopted by Amelia Frisk, or Great Aunt Melia to her family.
She got them out an alley during a jungle storm, carrying the big box they were in back to her habitat in the park zoo with Moira n Tas Demon Tony, alongside cousins Marcia and Wiley Saván, Winky’s kids from Kenya, who were attending public school in separate grades.
Beginning as her pets, they got all the TLC from gam-gam: real fish n rich cream, grade a catfood; sturdy cat toys; bit of catnip for him n Pete, a self-cleaning litter box. PJ got to be a kitten again as Melia checkd in on daddy dum. She got them a scratch post with beds for all three, wanting in on the cat life by turning into one herself.
He did ok with Marcia & Wiley, sharing their nerd culture love and helping out in classwork n chores, tho he tried coaxing Marcy to chase him like in Tom n Jerry to no avail, ganging on her gam-gam’s tail anytime in her cat guise, tho bothered about the damage. She was a squirrel girl anyway. Tony was lucky they don’t squash him or Moira on their Me Time.
By the following months, Melia moved to wed Pete as her husband n be a new mom for him & PJ, praying she wudnt abandon her kitties like Ophelia did.
I did pressed her on the divorce thing. She was broiling in her desk from a broken a/c, I took her to cool off in the breakroom, undress n wanting a rubdown. Not to proud she kickd them out the curb after filing the split, but she was livid having to care for two boys after Pete’s brain got gooey. She vouched for Mel to care for Pete with kid gloves, and with more patience than her from the xp.
Months later, she made her husband a familiar, giving him changeling powers to be a bear to protect his kin, a cat for comfort, or a binturong or bearcat in the mix. He even became a rhino, hippo, and other creatures by Melia’s hands. This mostly came from Pete’s quirk of wearing two different shoes on each foot, formal on one side, casual the other.
#Joan’s Parck#meet the Frisks#hyena#bearcat#park zoo#mixed family#magic granny#fanfic#fanon#slight nudity
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This would be a nice concept for a funny animal story: a goat walks the farm on its back legs working like their master when they’re out of town on chores or sundries, but fail every chance due to their stubbornness and pride of being close to said farmer makes him ready to hold the load on his own when his barnyard animal friends want to help him as well. Maybe as a joke, but I don’t mind making up a tale of this.
I had this made by John Fountain on X/Twitter, designing an anthro version of Jeb, grouchy goat from Home on The Range, as a farmhand.
Some point in Joan’s life, her, Gene, and Matt, visit Patch of Heaven to see how were things w Farmer Jeb after Pearl Gesner bit it to her own patch on Heaven.
Even tho Calloway acted as leader for the farm, Farm wasn’t doing well, and with Jeb insisiting he work his friends ragged, they could use their help to get his senses in order. Joan & Gene growled at the ol’bill, her analyzing this abuse in the barnyard. “You may wear the overalls and red jimjams here, Jebediah Williams, but you can’t make a factory from of yer barnyard pals. You may be older than most of these folks, but that don’t make you wise,makes you a wiseass! If there’s something gnawing under your beard that’s makin’ you push them away, you can tell’em; they’re grieving Mrs. Gesner’s loss as much as you. You know that, right?”
In truth, he did miss Pearl much as they do, but didn’t want to feel soft, had to act tough and worked his hooves off to hide his pain when he raised his post as farmhand with Mrs. Calloway.
Jeb will ask for their help next time he’s playing farmhand, and let the new hire Emily assist when his back acts out, right after she gets the prickles off her paws. Jack and Buck tried giving her a home sickness remedy, finding things that reminded her of Santa Monica, CA (used to be a valley girl in her Arcean life). “I was pleased with the geyser as a hot tub in the desert, rolling my paws on cacti like they were massage rollers, big nuh-uh! Got most of those pins outta my hands, but my feet are another story. Owwuu!”. Wooper and Gene pull prickles off Emily’s feet with the chicks n pigs, but her howling got louder with every pull, til then Matt’s Smoochum’s Demon Kiss numbed her down til Quagsire’s Wake-Up Slap could get her up prickle free!
(See, Emily did come to Mrs. Calloway years ago when she and her drunkard Mightyena dad Mike stumbled into the old west via Hoopa’s portals.
They were victims of lycanthropy after he fiddled around with what he thought was a plain ol’ wolfette, but in fact was a shewolf. During on of those full moon seasons, she bit one of his shoulders and became a Mightyena dogman overnight, drowning his shame and sorrow in any brandy he snatched from homes to homes.
Calloway and Grace welcomed them to POH, but Mike’s drinking annoyed the cows, asking he learn to sober up til he could see his daughter once she’s been made “a proper shewolf”, having spent most their lives in the wild for decades even after their werewolfing. Months pass and Emily was like Calloway, proper and a bit modest, dressing in full gowns or blouses that cover her entire body and gloves, an old N’Gaian tradition to discern Narnians from Barbans from the early years.
While she did pick up Calloway’s “Colonial English” speech, her Cali accent does slip in at extreme emotional moments, like reuniting with her Tepig pal Tempa, fully grown to Emboar. She’s glad to cut loose and naked upon returning home to Arcea, but kept the modest clothes to remind her of Calloway and POH.)
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Sling Set 7, June 20X6
Claire de Flume
Our summer trip for all the zoomates in Central Park Zoo to Hori-Zones indoor water park hit a flat in the bus dept, all the tires!
The weatherwoman Absol almost Wilded out undressing herself in the news station when her forecast called for extreme heat, 115°F!
Every furry critter got popcorned with their fur fuzzed and stewing in their sweat, and the arctic ones were stocking ice as if the World was melting! Even the reptiles panicked cuz of all that sun and multiple moltings!
WE NEEDED OUR POOLTIME!
😮💡
Wait…Didn’t Gene n I use that outdoor tub on the Stuyvesant girl when some imp possessed her & her can gal Tina? filled it with enough salt n sand to make a beach n lure a rabid raccoon w/ a naked mongoose cashier lady, demon b gone! Tonia’s got plenty water fun stuff for the dogs she trains at her obedience classes, and that slide her dad gave her for the playground cud b an attraction at the zoo, plus maybe the Arises could spare a few giant ice blocks for our makeshift ACs in holed-out coolers from the frisbee dudes visiting from Brooklyn! We still owe that mongoose 4 the striptease bait, we’ll offer a go at our exclusive Park Zoo waterpark rides no charge? If Alice lets us, that is. She was happy to oblige mostly cuz her makeup wuz running, and some inhabitants were willing to make their spaces into attractions and pools with some summer gear of their own!
Then it’s settled: one Gimungo Water Park at CPZ for the whole damn summer, all residents n tourists looking for cool welcome!
2 weeks time, the grand opening of Central Air Water Park Zoo was in full swing! It wasnt Hori-Zones, but we pulled off wut we could with the junk from neighbors’ garages and the shed. Got the firefighters and mayor in on the action, securing permits to connect hoses to the hydrants and into the zoo’s main water system. And we made sure to direct those hottest of dogs to the chillest parts of the zoo, mainly the Polar Bear & Penguin habitats, but we added saunas in the desert and rainforest habitats for the tanners and steamers. Shame we had to charge $10 or $20 on All day passes for our guests, but 2-4 single scoop cones from a malt shoppe per guest/group wud b enough charity to pay for new bus tires after tarring on the blacktop!
While ringtail Gene ran the cashbox by the main gate, Matt & I played lifeguards with his dog cop buddies, thanks of officer Francine Doberman’s training, when she busted some fairground robbers at Coney Island last summer. Wigless, too: she didn’t want her hairpiece ruined by all that chlorine. And had to keep the gulpin poking out her bellybutton, Gulliver, from drinking “stew water” or it digested some unpleasing meat. I was keeping a sharp eye on Fenneko. My coworker was in heat looking to hook up “swim buddies” , like the two bros with their frisbee matches. I needed to make sure she didn’t try tasting their beef when she’s steaming!
Two hours into the Big Summer Chill-a-Thon, I seem to have lost one ringtail cat. Last I heard, Gene left the admission box to a Guagsire that also sold ice cream for the young guests. This one hippo lady, far too young to be in her golden years, haggled an orange sherbet cream pop as an entry fee for $15. The slimy blue newt took the twofer, but didn’t suck in the refreshing relief in its mouth just yet, rather it smeared it on its steaming forehead before biting into it! Not enough dough or a favor from this grueling heat, she made a bargain on that fee!
No wait, that’s Greta Dee, the sweet-loving elderly woman down in Hell’s Kitchen! Moved to New York from London five months back, set up her family’s candy store, Dee’s Luscious Sweet Shoppe, in the most rotten part of the Big Apple! Can’t b safe for any kid or adult geting their goodies and not b unalived by a crook!
I heard thru the grapvine that delectable granny was a witch of sorts with her assorted candies, not only did she smooth out her wrinkles & fat to a fetching pear shape, the sweets in her shoppe seem irresistable to not buy. That or, like in Hansel & Gretel, she was luring unwiting victims to make her goodies with animal sacrifices or sum sh!t
I’m in no mood for urban legends out of fairytales, not like I had enough urban fantasy adventures in my life without the ringtail going off on his A-side story. I got a needless b-plot as temporary lifeguard saving some unwiting college broskis from getting STDs from my horny-ass coworker. With her tiny size, she’ll play Lost Preschooler and get those meatheads on the arctic river floe by the Polar Bears virtual glacier!
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Lady in Whiskers & Slippers (Updated 11-19-23)
(Sling Set, 19. October) Back in Cinci-Oh, I struggled to earn small wages doing odd jobs in my awkward teen years. At Human age 13, my limbs shot up like bamboo n my paws were whopee cusions, yet Im still kitten sized compared to Big Rhonda n Aunt Jane (Circene screwd my mom's genetics more than dad screwed her in the motel 6 pool that birthed me! srry TMI). Two of my best gigs boiled to babysitting and the Cactus Joan Revue at Cincinnati Zoo. Sure I liked pouncing thru loops made by my preternatural tail Slink n wranglin livestock by the petting zone in Aunt Jane's Cowgirl dress from her Paris,Texas Runway last spring when she toured w/Coco Banana, the sitting jobs fared better cuz I met some critters as odd as I am, like that pygmy hippo boss baby Benny and his growth formula down by Wall Street, or that shadeling Taz Devil Vincent from Brisbane, Australia. But my recent sitting gig had some skeletons I hadnt noticed til then, n it all came to my sitee Last July.
I took care of a literal cat lady and her litter of 35 for 3 wks in her rustic Rhode Island shack. Her name was Julie Phyllis. 30yrs ago, she was a former resi of Spooner Street with a handful of cats, plus a large tabby w/black stripes she calls Mistress Bengal acting as security for the few dogs that dare cross her sidewalk n lawn. Lately some rowdy kids spouted off tall tales of her becoming a cat herself or that Bengal would take her place if she wasn't fed well enough. Wutever the case, she had gradually gone from Crazy Ol Cat Lady to Crazy Ol Cat IRL 'round Halloween time. They hadnt figured what caused her transfur, say for some strange glowing plants by her yard. Her cats musta rubbed on the leaves which carried bits of Circene spores in'em, then she rubbed her face n hands on their fur, turning her to this light orange Tabby I saw my first week of Nana-sitting, or maybe Ms. Bengal had been Mobilized n took Phyllis' place. Like any bothersome pets in the suburbs, her neighbors had shooed them far out of town, living their next nine lives in that shack. Few things to know bout my time w/Ms. Phyllis 2/3 weeks in: 1-Her signature clothes were a periwinkle bathrobe,small round glasses, n peach slippers in stockings. But as a Barban spinster housecat who could shift from anthro to feral at random, she rips her pantyhose clawing n stretching her toes apart when going full cat. Otherwise she's naked in both her Mobile and Wild stance sans a grey-blue collar on her neck with a tag reading "Bagel" whn goin out,wearin it as if she was that same cat that passed not too long ago. And I no shame luv it! 2-Her cats see her as Queen of the Litterbox given her girth from eating too much Meow Mix n cream, but I see a deluded fat-ass pussy, which is no different than other cats, playin round the scratch post, lappin that saucer of cream n tuna. 3-Litterbox stank n dander everywhere was unbearable 4-A pantry stocked full'o'tuna cans, milk & cream yet she forgets to feed them while gourging on the rations herself, chowing so much Meow mix like Trail Mix n guzzling gallons upon gallons of milk!
All that said, she wasnt a bad client, forgetful n piggy yes, but not awful, n still tho...I cudnt help but shake that we were kindred in some way, dark stripes n glasses aside. Few times we went Out to walk, Julie hung with her Golden Girls by a small pet friendly café, sharing gossip from the pets on Spooner street n out of state, comparing pills n claw lengths, wooing would-be mates at the Petsmart n VFW home. She was almost like family to me, rekindling our bonds after we havnt seen one another for a long time.
Near the end of week 2, I saw some frames of Phyllis with her 'tiger cat' Ms. Bengal almost one n the same at this point, even wearin the confounded collar with the wrong name Bagel. Another frame of that cat corners my eye, with a Persian and Siamese by her side, but she wore an enchanting Viper Green collar. Funny how they look a bit like my aunt n uncle on my mom's side, Muffin & Finch. Dad told me they had another tabby as a friend by name of Bagel, looking way too same-ish as Julie on that big orange Snick couch there by the TV set with all the other cats huddled over for daytime soaps or Price is Right like my inlaws did at the adoption center– ⚡️👓⚡️😳 Oh my...I blocked that thought out as a cub some point, not giving 2¢ about it, but it factors into my lineage with Ma when she left our lives. I was too bashful to blurt out my discovery in front of her cats lest they attack their False Queen in shock. Tho given her short-term memory loss, she wudnt hav known herself much post-TF. Was she Ms. Bengal or Julie Phyllis? TBC
#Joan’s Parck#blog#journal#housesitting#cat sitting#crazy old cat lady#cat tf#KND fanon#shadow monster#taz#lost family members#forgotten memories#family mystery
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Cosmology of N’gaea, or What if Humans were the Virus?:
After Covid-19 eradicated all human life*, animals roamed Earth wild and free. #HumansAreTheVirus.
Suddenly a new mutation fell from the night-lit sky in the form of Circene, radiant green spores found in many grasslands and shrooms that latched onto the beasts from within thru lapping, brushing or grazing, physically altering their forms and altering their minds; they stood on their hind legs, produced human speech, gained intelligence. Some species have fully evolved to a human-like status with some of their features and now live like their former masters.
Three new class systems arose from these changes, namedso for the creatures of various literary figures containing animals in them andof how much Circene came into their systems: The Talkative Narnians from CS Lewis, the Housebroken Barbans of Brunhoff, and the Uplifted Mobians, namsake of the world which a speedy blue hedgehog hails.
However, another mutation branched out from the green spores. As Circene came from the nightshades bearing its name and in puffstool shrooms, a second type, Moly, sprouted about as did the Snowdrop flowers bearing the very same medicine Odysseus used to cure his crew and others from Circene’s curse. When taken in high doses, Moly would siphon any amount of Circene in an animals’ body and permanently erase their newfound lifestyle w/o taking cautionary measures. This dichotomy granted each species a choice to cross between the three classes.
Fun facts about N’Gaea:
- Civil licenses grant Narnians a freedom of transition via id collar or chip, allowing for certain privileges like finding jobs, affordable housing, and can choose whether or not to wear clothing in public,permitting they wear the collar, while Barbans can freely swap between feral & anthro forms by just how much clothing they wear (Zuzel the Fox). It does get awkward in changing rooms when you think a wild boar raided JC Penney in their birthday suit
- Adoption services grant similar privileges as a Civil license to both Barbans and Narnians while under supervision by a foster guardian, usually domestic animals, but don’t be too shocked if a bear lives in the same home as a nuclear family of deer adopted or as an in-law
- Certain diets had to be controlled, as predation upon any prey is illegal unless they were Narnian, or under a business like Herd Thinners or Dewclaw’s Fine Meats. You have to maintain some degree of natural order when they’re your boss, employee, or your mother.
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Joan’s Parck: Laugh of Leisure (Sling_Set Sep.8.93 AC)
Plot: Haida’s Walking Wild after a spill in Benton-Night’s supply room leaves him on fours recuperating at his aunt’s place while her pet Taz Tony tries to throttle him out of top bunk.
I’ll admit to being a touch guilty for this whole episode. Ida known to get the paperclips before heading to the 3rd FL w/a cart full o’ stationery & snacks if Haida hadn’t freeclimbed the supply rack. I just assumed a feral animal broke in to the building!
Just as I heard pained howls from the 2nd FL closet, Haida was nowhere in that abyss ‘til I saw those ashy paws step in to the light w/a gnarled snout frothing and baring craggly teeth, eyes gleaming bright and furious as if I invaded its quarry. I pounced onto some boxes as I slam the door shut with my hind paw, hiding from the feral scavenger. Thanks to Tom & Jerry cartoons, I trapped that bastard! It’s amazing what a cat-and-mouse show can inspire survival tactics from an unused mop bucket and your own tail. Thank The Ol’Man I have a tail for all trades. Good Job,Slink! :3
Wasn’t after turning on the lights back on do I finally see Haida, completely nude and on fours, whining how he got the tin pail on him. I told him my sorries assuming he was a beastie in the building. No prob on his count as he hands me the box of clips on my pawlm. Just as he stood back on his hind legs to redress and we were heading back to work tho, a shooting pain erupted from behind, each step ached him to his core then back on fours once more. The lit closet showed his clothes on the floor, shoes and socks too, but why?
Ashamed, Haida confessed he clambered onto the rack barefoot getting those clips for me. Slipped out his footwear before climbing for a firmer grip on the iron tower. When he got that box on the fourth shelf, tho, he fell down on his back, just as the rack lurched towards him and a mess of hard office supplies slid down punting his lower back, then the lumbar. When he came to, his wild side musta kicked in and ripped his clothes off clean, made the closet his territory, killing anyone who would go near him.
“That rack was already unstable”, I tell him. “One leg from the set was shorter than the others, made it real top-heavy; the exceeding weight could topple the whole kitten caboodle if some dingus tried grabbing something from the upper racks like you did. There’s a reason we called it Mt. Kilamandril. The monkey that sent it conked out 14 business days after assembly. We didn’t know about the stumpy leg til after Ms. Frisk requisitioned a step ladder to the inventory so we could safely reach the upper shelves”. As I mention our HR supervisor, he was screwed. “I can’t let Aunty Mo see me like this”, he whimpered as he trodded around with an anxious smirk, chuckling in angst, tears rolling down his face. “She sees me naked on fours, she’ll knock my spots off! I’m already reprimanded for scratching my ear with my foot, I don’t want to trod back to the zoo like a common animal when I’m fired!”
He’s not wrong. Walking Wild, in New Gaean parlance, was against Benton-Night’s code of conduct. Any act of instinct or indecdency would cost you your career; you either lived like a human or stay in the woods. I was given an exception for not wearing shoes to work since my sensitive hind paws make it hard to wear heels like my twin aunt Jane, and I can use Slink as a cane when I don’t have Gene’s Spectra-Goggles for my hazy jade eyes, but while browsing the Benton-Night handbook under the Humane Resource Policies, I found a Natural Zoning policy that allowed one spot to be designated as a rec room for our animalistic sides. It was enlisted back in the early ‘70s when workers demanded these hourly breaks to “tame their inner beasts”, a means to curb hostility towards prey and predators for max cooperation, work ethics and workload ouput. Most of our staff are a mix breed of Barban and Narnian, coming from either the zoo, the adjacent park, or living in a Barban or Mobian household as a pet thru adoption licenses. Slap a halved Circene patch on their nape or chest and we’re working class citizens. Narnians would need an ID collar or chip to even get a job, much less walk around on fours in society or be pets, or carry a license to prove their condition for benefits like housing and federal aid. Some, like Ernest the Stimpyesque beaver, are Toons, hybrids born from a Mobian mating with a Narnian or Barban, their offspring come out with five digits or a non-talking animal, sad really.
In any case, I couldn’t stand seeing my coworker break down in such an undignified state. As a first year Intern under HR supervision and acting therapist for the entire Benton-Night Distributing staff, I took a vow to keep the working animal calm, cool and collected to carry on their duties, whether by talking out their pains or taking in the methods my late therapist Dr. Lau Fing implemented on me by speaking to their inner child or letting loose their beastly behavior. I just wish I didn’t have to rub his belly to calm him down offering treats if he was a good boy like aunt Jane does to her adopted daughters Rena and Fico. Embarrassing, I know. Not as awkward as seeing our red-blazened supervisor tap her heeled foot over the mess he made. He tried to stand and get his clothes back on, but his back pain was firmly established. And while she doesn’t want the rest of our staff to wild out, with Haida, she strips down and shifts to a feral stance, nipping his nape to hold him down as we head to HR. She called Dr. Shale for a house call back at the zoo’s Hyena Habitat, requesting her nephew take an off-day from work.
I was in the break room, perched like a lion on a rock, bummed I sent Haida off work I break down the moment with the current occupants partaking in their unnatural habits au naturale: Ned the squirrel opening acorns with his feet by the sink, Ernie the beaver rubbing his weird Stimpy body all over the carpeted floor, and Nora Pinoir, a papillion whose full name I already know, acting as her pet self Princess Piddle, complete with a fancy rosé rhinestone collar, marbled bowls full of mineral water and fancy wet food.
Next day, I carted my lasso-tailed ass to his aunt’s place in the habitat, and lend my best paw to help comfort my crippled coworker.
I’m thankful with some first aide from head of HR and his aunt Moira Frisk, her witchy but caring brown hyena mother Great Aunt Melia, his cousins Wiley and Marcia, and Melia’s husband/pet Pete and his son Jeik Thunderpaw. We also has a surprise visit from the hyena trio from the outskirts of the Pride Lands, Shenzi, Banzai & Ed, and other in-laws they could invite for Step-Tember at the zoo. (species in hyena habitat: 3 spotted, 1 brown, and a mutant striped hyena that’s more a giant Fluppy dog mix of Barkley, Runt & Ushio’s Tora demon w/ two bearcats). […]
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