#lives are ruined because your Ring is spying on you

[melyzard]

Okay, look, they talk to a Google rep in some of the video clips, but I give it a pass because this FREE course is a good baseline for personal internet safety that so many people just do not seem to have anymore. It's done in short video clip and article format (the videos average about a minute and a half). This is some super basic stuff like "What is PII and why you shouldn't put it on your twitter" and "what is a phishing scam?" Or "what is the difference between HTTP and HTTPS and why do you care?"

It's worrying to me how many people I meet or see online who just do not know even these absolute basic things, who are at constant risk of being scammed or hacked and losing everything. People who barely know how to turn their own computers on because corporations have made everything a proprietary app or exclusive hardware option that you must pay constant fees just to use. Especially young, somewhat isolated people who have never known a different world and don't realize they are being conditioned to be metaphorical prey animals in the digital landscape.

Anyway, this isn't the best internet safety course but it's free and easy to access. Gotta start somewhere.

Here's another short, easy, free online course about personal cyber security (GCFGlobal.org Introduction to Internet Safety)

Bonus videos:

(Jul 13, 2023, runtime 15:29)

"He didn't have anything to hide, he didn't do anything wrong, anything illegal, and yet he was still punished."

(Apr 20, 2023; runtime 9:24 minutes)

"At least 60% use their name or date of birth as a password, and that's something you should never do."

(March 4, 2020, runtime 11:18 minutes)

"Crossing the road safely is a basic life skill that every parent teaches their kids. I believe that cyber skills are the 21st century equivalent of road safety in the 20th century."

[flyingwargle]

july fanfic recommendations!

i read an obscene amount of fanfic last month with some that i must share with others, hence this post. i still over >100 fics to read so maybe this will be a monthly series? we'll see.

some fics are rated e!

sakuatsu

rotten work & other things worth doing t. 3k. atsumu and sakusa clean atsumu's bathroom together. that's it, that's the fic. lots of hurt/comfort and love and affection <3

The Sakusa Complaint Jar t. 3.6k. hilarious take on the swear jar, especially as atsumu learns he's more down bad for sakusa than he thought.

Appease and Assuage t. 5.1k. sakusa has a bad day and atsumu is there for him. very soft and raw with sakusa feeling off-kilter, and atsumu knows exactly how to help him.

come, morning light g. 5.2k. sakusa gets sick and tries to push atsumu away but eventually lets him in. very soft and domestic.

Here Is Your Verse m. 15.52. 2/2. atsumu ends his fwb relationship with sakusa because he caught feelings. they end up reconciling in the end.

when you hear hoofbeats t. 42.4k. 14/14. university au slowburn where sakusa has eds and he gets into a relationship with atsumu. be aware of the chapter warnings because it gets heavy but has a happy ending!

Stockholm Syndrome Isn't Real e. 50.2k 8/8. side sunaosa(komo). au where atsumu is a pro athlete but osamu is secretly a hacker and atsumu is kidnapped in his place. love the action, tension, and everything about this.

sunaosa

slip of the pen t. 6k. suna channels all his pining into award-winning books and osamu has never read any of them. the pining is top-tier in this.

moonsick m. 7.8k. fwb to lovers in suna's pov. is it really a sunaosa fic without one of them being emotionally constipated?

in the mood for love m. 8.3k. friends to exes to friends to lovers pipeline. i love the prose and osamu's thoughtful narration.

Litany in Which Certain Words Are Said t. 10.9k. 5 times osamu says "i love you" and 1 time suna says it back. oohh the yearning in this is top-tier!

a type of hunger m. 9.1k. i love the exploration of suna's hunger in this as an athlete and feeling like he's falling behind. good thing osamu is there for him <3

An Inconvenient Espionage e. 26.6k. 5/5. side sakuatsu. spy au, assholes to lovers. good action, good spy work, good tension 👀

somewhere to lay the flowers t. 25.6k. i've read a healthy amount of bastigod's works and trans suna has me in a chokehold. i also love magical realism and the mythology in this was woven wonderfully. suna's daughter is also a delight!

iwaoi

stumble into the sun e. 3.6k words of iwaizumi discovering that oikawa has a praise kink. it's also very soft and lovely.

Press '1' to Get a Call From Your Drunk Best Friend t. 5.4k. a drunk iwaizumi spills about his love and appreciation for oikawa. it's hilarious and fluffy and one of my favorites <3

HIPS DON'T LIE e. 8.1k. iwaizumi overhears girls talk about how good oikawa is in bed and is given a live demonstration from the man, himself.

i wanna ruin our friendship t. 18/18. oikawa comes to terms that he's in love with his best friend. features heavy themes, read the chapter warnings before proceeding. there's a happy ending!

bokuaka

Tell Me, Eurydice (How Could I Not?) t. 6.3k. lovely prose from akaashi's perspective about bokuto becoming captain and the idea of akaashi being his vice captain.

hoot if you've heard this one before t. 5.2k. bokuto and akaashi lose contact and find each other in university at a cafe that akaashi owns. lovely reconciliation fic and relationship recovery.

papers (the special, laminated ones) t. 5.3k. bokuto's parents have a tradition of laminating all his special papers and he isn't allowed to get them until "he's ready." i loved how sweet and fluffy this was, especially with his relationship with akaashi <3

Spaces aren’t Voids 7.2k. bokuto had every intention to propose until he lost the ring. a very fun and fluffy fic of a marriage proposal that doesn't quite go through but things go well in the end.

To Have and to Rail e. 12.4k. this is more humor than smut about akaashi's scientific exploration to match bokuto's stamina in bed. it doesn't go as well as he hopes (of course. good luck, akaashi)

onigiri miya: brand ambassadors (applications closed) g. 4k. bokuto is kinda slightly jealous of how close akaashi is to osamu because he's obsessed with onigiri miya. hinata feels the same way with kageyama. so what do they do? become brand ambassadors for osamu. absolutely hilarious and fluffy!

Kiss Me (Like You Wanna Be Loved) e. 56.6k. 27/27. oh the pipeline of strangers to roommates to fwb to lovers, i love it so. equal parts hurt/comfort, fluff, with the perfect amount of nsfw.

kagehina

soft serve t. 9.6k. hinata and kageyama drive an ice cream truck to fundraise money for karasuno's volleyball club. that's it, that's the fic.

Meme of the Day g. 4k. kageyama accidentally turns hinata into a meme. very fluffy and cute!

miscellaneous

yachi hitoka stop being so relatable challenge t. 4.1k. i loved this exploration of yachi being known and getting closer with the karasuno boys. she's such a precious cinnamon roll <3

north is everywhere. t. 12.1k. an exploration of kiyoko's development through high school, from being a manager out of obligation to continuing out of choice. also ace rep!

summer rolling down a cheek gen. 13.2k. a beautiful character study of kenma after the spring tournament as he thinks about the future and what comes next. beautiful prose and introspection.

[l0vegl0wsinthedark]

Yours, Always and With Love

Warnings: (implied) MCD, angst

For @longdaytogo 🫡🥲

~

Dear "Mycroft",

I think I've finally figured out who you are. And I think it is bloody bollocking funny that I ended up with you as my pen pal. Are you really in the States? Merlin, I want to know what they think of you over there.

And you're wrong. There are people who miss you where you used to live.

You fucked up my nose,

HP

~

I don't know who you think I am, but I'm not that person. You're not always right. You're can't be all good. People like you don't survive for long. I'm nothing like you and even I barely made it. You think you're special but you're just another fool like me. Find a new life like I did. Your government does not deserve your loyalty.

You deserved it for spying on me,

D. Mycroft

~

Malfoy.

I don't do what I do out of a sense of loyalty. I do it because I want to be of some use. I'm definitely not all good and am most certainly a fool, you're right.

People keep writing about my bravery. They don't know I fake it. They don't know how afraid I am all the time. If I were less afraid, I'd find that new life.

HP

~

Dear Potter,

I think I might enjoy tales of your masked cowardice. Write some down and send them along with your next letter.

You do what you do because you were brainwashed into thinking that it is your purpose in life. It is decidedly not, I assure you.

Fake it one more time and find that new life. You'll thank me for it. And maybe you'll stop whinging about your crooked nose.

Sincerely,

Draco Malfoy.

~

Dear Malfoy,

Is my nose actually crooked because Hermione insists it's not, and Ron always starts talking about Ludo Bagman's nose? Needless to say, they're not very convincing. I now know why my dates never owl me back.

Speaking of which, I've had help throughout all of my many celebrated adventures. Perhaps if I had help (read: company) I might actually go start that new life. Find a new name too, maybe, while retaining my real initials of course. I'd hate to have to change my signature.

What do you think fits well with "HP"?

Best,

Harry

~

Dear Hideous Pumpkin,

I think your dates might owl you back if you shaved that scraggly beard off and found new glasses. You look like an expensively dressed homeless person in all your press photos.

We have a way of finding what we seek, I think. Three weeks ago, all I really wanted was to make a connection. Now I'm writing this one prat every other day and it feels quite fulfilling, rather.

You do have company. Look closer.

Best,

Draco M

~

Malfoy,

Sorry about the late reply. Work-related rubbish that you're probably not interested in.

I actually have been considering new frames. Do you think I should get bedazzled ones? I think they're in vogue now. They might help bring out my eyes or something.

It's a funny thing: connection. Kind of unpredictable where one might find 'em, right? I think I'm glad the pen pal agency connected me to you. It's definitely a fulfilling connection.

I'm writing this at 3am right before I run into work and get assigned a new mission. I'll be undercover and incognito so receiving/sending mail won't be possible, so I'll respond next when I'm back home. To make up for it, I've written down some of my earliest memories of my life in the cupboard and how I once locked my cousin in there. Go nuts and I hope you pull something as you laugh at me, you prat.

I'll be thinking of you.

Harry

~

Dear Potter,

I enjoyed your little collection of memories. You really were always an idiot, I've learnt. I don't know what on earth possessed you to believe that any of it would make me laugh, though. You rightfully blame me for a crooked nose but you don't think to unapologetically ruin the people who stomped on you like a bug when you were a baby and then proceeded to keep you under their boot until you were eleven?

I'm flying to England on the 24th. I'll be staying at the Ritz, London. If you're back from your mission and you're well, ring me at the hotel and ask for D. Mycroft. We'll have dinner or something. My treat.

I truly despise your job. I don't like the idea of you cut off from me the world like that.

I hope to see you soon.

Draco

~

Potter, I'm writing only because it would be incredibly rude of me to leave without telling you. I don't know what you think of me after last night. I might have asked you, if you'd been here when I woke up.

I'm sorry.

Malfoy

~

Draco, you absolute fucking idiot.

You write to me instead of ringing me on the number I gave you? And then I stroll into the fucking Ritz clutching sausage rolls and shitty coffee and the receptionist has to politely insist that I bugger off because "Mr. Mycroft has checked out already"?!

TEXT ME with your phone number and address. I'll book the next available flight to you.

You fucking idiot oh my god.

Harry

~

Dear Hideous Pumpkin Head,

You left three of your socks here and none match. Also, I know we only just hung up but I still wanted to write because somehow it's harder to insult you when I'm in front of you or listening to your voice.

My sheets stink of you. I'm never leaving this bed, I think.

Draco

~

Draco. Can't call. Destroy your phone and SIM. Stay within wards. Don't lose sight of your wand.

I will contact you as soon as possible. I am so fucking sorry. My god please be safe I am so sorry.

I love you.

Harry

~

Harry,

Did I really need to get a new owl? I'm perfectly safe and I am not afraid. Not anymore. Not when I have you.

I'm hoping that when you write me back, it will be to tell me that you've handed in your notice. The new flat here is enormous and it feels empty without you. Tell me when you'll be shipping your stuff and I'll make arrangements to have them brought here.

I can't wait.

Love,

Draco

~

Harry, why won't you answer your stupid phone? Honestly, I'm tempted to write to the Ministry right now, if only I hadn't spent the last fifteen years wiping away all traces of my existence. How's the notice period going? Have you started packing yet? It's very, very quiet here and it's unsettling. I may end up getting a talking bird and it'll be your fault.

Please call me.

Love,

Draco

~

Harry your phone is turned off and I can't think why and I am writing separately to Granger as well. If I don't hear from either of you in three days, I'm coming back there and I don't care about fucking dark wizards. I'M a dark wizard, as I was reminded often. We'll fight them off together.

Please I can't bear this respond.

Draco

~

Granger says you went missing eleven days ago. I don't care if you're undercover. My owl won't come back without finding you first.

~

Dear Harry,

Today I woke up and looked out the window and it was snowing. Almost Christmas already! That night at the Ritz you talked about your horrifying Christmas experiences as a child and I vowed to rectify that as soon as I'm able.

I've hung up twenty-two stockings, my darling, and they all have your name on it. I have a list of things I think you'd have loved and I'm going to find them all and stuff those stockings until they're bursting.

I'm getting our tree today. You said you'd always wanted a real one. I wish you were here so we could decorate it together. I hate ladders.

I keep thinking about I can't believe it's been six months alre I want you here I can't pretend anymore Please come take me away with you

I miss you. Every second of every minute, I miss you. I love you more with each passing day. I want you to come back Harry plea

Yours, always and with love,

Draco

~

[hischierswhore]

Your piece with Christian trying to get the reader back was so cute! Could you possibly do one with Mason? His planning to propose to the reader and let’s his sister in on it but they don’t know that Summer heard them. Next time Summer sees the reader she’ll all like “can i be your flower girl” “you’re going to make a pretty bride” Then it’s Mason dying in the corner because his niece is going to ruin the surprise

i'm gonna marry you

pairing: Mason Mount x Reader

TW: none

“I want to propose to Y/n” Mason told his sister as she sat across from him on the couch.

“I mean, I think it’s about time. You’ve been together for what- 5 years now?”

“Yeah. I’ve known that she’s my person since we met, but I didn’t want to rush into a proposal and then get my heart broken” Mason confessed to Jaz.

“Mase, I’ve seen how happy you make that girl, and how happy she makes you. I think you’re at a point in your relationship where there shouldn’t be any doubts about your feelings for each other” Jaz spoke, leaving Mason to nod.

“I have the ring already… I just need to plan when & how to do it”

“Well I can’t exactly tell you when, but if you need help planning it, I’m always here to help” She smiled at him.

What they didn’t know was that right behind the wall was Summer, listening intently as she was playing spy & got invested in the conversation. She may be young, but she sure as hell understands what a proposal is.

A few days go by, and Summer is over at you & Mason’s house once again since Jaz had a date planned with Sam. Summer was running around the house, with Mason chasing after her. You were watching the scene unfold from your spot on the couch.

Summer ran into the living room and straight onto your lap. She seemed worn out, so you carefully picked her up and took her to the spare bedroom, which had essentially turned into her bedroom as it was decorated to her liking.

As you put her down, her little eyes fluttered open.

“Auntie Y/n?” She spoke

“Yes, Summer?”

“When you get married to Uncle Mase, can I be the flower girl?”

Mason stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame as he heard your conversation with his niece. His eyes practically popped out of their sockets when he heard Summer speak.

“Sure, princess” You kissed her forehead.

“You’re going to make such a pretty bride” She smiled up at you.

“Thank you, angel” You brushes the hair out of her face slowly as she fell asleep.

Mason hoped Summer wouldn’t ask anymore questions or discuss the topic anymore, as he didn’t want her to spill the beans before he could actually propose.

Mason quickly rushed out of the room and acted like he was in the hallway. You walked out of her room and shut the door quietly.

“Your niece is on another level today” You laughed as you walked into Mason’s arms.

“What do you mean?”

“She was asking me questions about marriage, like if she can be the flower girl. Was just a bit out of the blue” Mason slowly rubbed your back before picking you up and carrying you back to the couch.

He playfully threw you on the couch, causing you to let out a loud laugh.

“Love, you have to be quiet. Summer’s asleep” You flicked him off as he laughed quietly.

"You know I'm going to marry you someday, right?" He said as he traced lines up and down your arms.

"Yeah?" You fingers fiddled with the beard he was growing.

"Yeah" He smiled at you.

You pulled away slightly and looked at him for a moment.

“I love you, Mase"

"I love you more, love"

"Not possible!" You shouted, which caused Mason to begin tickling you like a mad-man.

"So when's the wedding?" Both of your heads snapped to the living room entryway, where Summer stood with a big smile on her face and her teddy in hand.

[ohboycharlie]

THE ELEVATOR ଓ｡˚.CL16

This is my first time writing so please ignore EVERYTHING. pairing: Charles x fem!reader summary: an elevator becomes your cupid.

part2: here part3: here

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Shifting to Monaco was a huge step but the building I got to stay in felt like a reward. I swear I've never lived in such a posh place and the people? god. Rich+Italian=unnecessary attitude. I avoided leaving my flat as much as possible so I wouldn't bump into people and ruin their day with my massacred version of french and Italian.

My job required me to be physically present in the office for only 4 days in a week. This job was my dream job I mean stay at home and work? amazing. Stay at home that the office gave you? AMAZING. Even the locality was good with a coffee shop right around the corner I was living my dream and I really hoped it wouldn't turn into a nightmare.

My neighbour was weird tho. Like I don't think the person ever lived there and they only came at night (I absolutely did not try to spy from the peek hole), at times there were noises of things being thrown around and the piano and I swear I was scared for the day they would ring my bell for some salt or coffee.

The one thing I noticed the people loved was their sport. Let it be tennis or F1, they were PASSIONATE. I knew there was a grand prix the week before I shifted because of the posters. The Leclerc guy had to be too good to be pasted on every street. And the fact that he was that good-looking? Definitely poster material.

Ramen was my staple diet so a frequent grocery shop haul wasn't that surprising for anyone in my life. It was a calming Monday night when I had the sudden urge to pee while coming back. I ran for my life and just as I entered the lobby, the elevator doors were closing and the man inside did NOTHING to stop it. And it wasn't as if my presence wasn't sensed. I was running with a huge bag and screaming to stop the elevator. "Asshole". That's what described the rude person the best and to top it all off the elevator stopped on my floor. GREAT. He was my fucking weird neighbour. That act just confirmed my 'no sugar for you mister' deal.

After an eternity, the lift finally came and if looks could destroy, his door would have been in pieces. But I was a very forgiving person so he was out of my mind the way he was out of his house.

It was months after the incident and my life was going the way it was. My job kept me busy. I partied on the weekends. I dated people. There was this one guy though from my building. We usually met in the lobby and it turned out he only lived 2 floors below me! We went on a few dates but after that, I decided no dating people from the place you live because if things did not work out, it could get pretty awkward in the elevators. Elevators god I hate them. You meet every kind of person there and all they do is look down at their phones so as to not make eye contact or conversation. Elevators can also make some people claustrophobic and what if there were two people trying to get me and some guy to be together by stopping the lift and a delivery man comes in and pees because he cant handle small spaces? real questions were asked.

One fine day though, I got to get my revenge. I was going to buy ramen as usual and I entered the elevator but then I saw my neighbour trying to remove his keys from the door and showing me a hand to let me know he wanted to come but me being the petty bitch, closed the elevator innocently by just turning around and pretending I never saw him (I honestly did not see his face). The joy I felt was PURE.

A few weeks passed by and once again I was hungry so I left in my PJs at 2 am to fulfil my stomach's wishes. As I was coming, I saw the lift close yet again but this time I screamed so that the person inside knows someone is coming. I was honestly out of breath so I did not even think about pressing the button to my floor. After regaining my senses I went ahead to thank the person and the view in front of me was enough to make me gasp. There, on the lift with me was, Charles Leclerc in all his glory. I did not want to make it obvious that I was internally screaming so I just looked down and said "Thank you for stopping the elevator, last time this asshole, my apparent neighbour just let the elevator close on my face". Charles looked amused to me but I couldn't figure it out then he said the most bizarre thing. "You won't believe it but my neighbour did the same thing. She just acted as if she didn't see me." All I could do was just nod at him because THE F1 driver was in the lift with me. "Anyways this is me, see you later" and as the doors were about to close I realised he got down on the 26th floor. MY FLOOR. Charles bloody Leclerc was my asshole neighbour!

I had to get down to the upper floor and come down via the stairs. I was shocked but then I thought what if I revealed myself to him. Maybe go ask for coffee. Act as if we did not just bond over each other in the elevator. I was determined to show him who the true asshole was because if they go low, I go lower.

[anaer]

the time travel fix it fuck it up fic (wip)

in which gojo ends up back in time and decides its time for a hostile takeover

stsg/sukugo, rating: probably don't share with your family

According to the blurry numbers on the clock screaming at his face, it was 4:33 in the fucking morning when Geto Suguru, renowned cult leader, was forcefully woken by a loud cacophony sounding the destruction of at least three walls of his temple. He had half a second to try and process – ‘What the fuck was that?’ – before an even louder, much more familiar, much more annoying sound echoed through the compound.

“Suguru!”

Uncalled for indignation: that was the first thing Geto registered. The second thing he registered was a foot buried in his gut, and his body crashing into his bedroom wall. Well. He was awake now. Just in time to see a fist coming straight for his face, and he barely ducked out of the way, rolling past Satoru looking like death and whatever snit he was suddenly in.

“What the fuck?!” he demanded. “Do you know what time it is?” Everyone, especially Satoru, knew how he felt about his sleep getting interrupted. He couldn’t be his best self with less than eight hours and twenty-four minutes of sleep per night.

“It’s September!” Satoru shot back at him. “Three months before December!”

And also two years since the last time Satoru had hung up on him very rudely in the middle of one of his earnest entreaties to get him to come around to the better side of killing most of the world. This was how he decided they were talking again?

“I’m glad you know how to read a goddamn calendar? What the hell is your problem?”

Satoru slugged him right in the jaw, hard enough to make Geto’s head ring. “I know you’re planning to murder my student.”

What?

God, his fucking face hurt now. This was not how he wanted to start his morning; he had so much important cult shit to deal with today, and now he was going to be in a mood. And he wasn’t planning to kill any of Satoru’s students yet, so what was this even about? Another blow caught him in the stomach, and he doubled over gasping, grabbing onto Satoru’s t-shirt.

“Stop…punching me!”

Satoru complied, but only because a hand clamped entirely too threateningly around his neck to haul him up instead. The grin on Satoru’s face was honestly psychotic. Geto hated how hot that was. He’d really shot himself in the foot that time he’d convinced Satoru that mass murder was bad. Hindsight and all that…they really could’ve had it all. It was amazing how stupid teenage hormones and morality had made him.

“I have had,” Satoru began slowly, his grip slowly tightening on Geto’s throat, “a really bad year. Unbelievably bad. That stupid brain, then that stupid box, and then…well, the fight was great, honestly. A little embarrassing to die on live TV, but worth it, I think. Sukuna was—ahhh, he was so much better than I expected, and now that’s all ruined, which—not the point. At first, I was happy, in the airport, to see you again – things get weird when you die – but then I woke up this morning, alive, and I saw it was September.”

“You’ve already established it’s September,” Geto croaked.

Satoru scoffed, pinning him with a glare that did not intimidate him as much as turned him on. Satoru looked so fuckable like this.

“I woke up,” Satoru repeated, “and on my way here, I realised: you! You’re the problem! You are the root of all my problems. Every single one of them! I would kill you, but that’s what started this entire mess to begin with!”

Geto had zero idea what he was talking about. Not that he actively spent sixty eight percent of his time spying on Satoru or anything (he was a known liar), but he knew for a fact that Satoru had spent most of the past year fucking around Japan eating anything he could get his hands on, toying with underpowered curses, pissing off the higher ups, and avidly not teaching his students anything useful. He’d even fucked Nanami a time or two, which was something Geto tried not to think about too much for the thin remnants of his own sanity. Still: it’d been a pretty good year for him, as far as Geto was concerned. He’d definitely not done anything half as annoyingly obnoxious as die, let alone on live TV. Whatever the fuck bullshit he was spewing from his mouth was complete nonsense, which could really only mean one thing: Gojo Satoru had finally, fully snapped.

Geto thought about all that, and then didn’t think through his answer at all: “As if you could kill me.”

[toomanysurveys9]

Long time, no post.

What did you have for dinner tonight?

Pizza. Jacob went to talk to the Papa John's owner(?) by us to see if he could start sooner.

If you were given a million dollars, what would you spend it on?

Definitely pay off all the debt. Buy a new house for Jake, our kiddos, and I. Buy a house for my parents, so we didn't have to keep living together. Fix our car. Buy Jake a truck. And savings for each of the kiddos.

Have you ever cried in front of your parents over a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I'm sure.

What does your bedroom smell like right now?

Not great - I need to clean it. Pretty sure Nora left a milk cup in there but I can't find it.

Have you ever shaved off your eyebrow before?

I have not.

Do you want to have a boy or girl whenever you have kids?

I have four kids. We have one boy and three girls.

Your pregnant with twins: What do you name them?

I have no idea. I don't want to have anymore kids. Four is more than enough.

Describe your outfit.

Maternity leggings that are now too big and one of Jake's work shirts.

What gigabyte is your memory card?

Don't have one.

What brand is your digital camera?

I just use my phone so I told the camera I did have because we needed the money more.

When was the last time you hung out with your best friend?

A couple weeks ago. Had a baby shower for one of them.

What is a movie you're waiting to see?

I honestly don't even know what's out right now.

Who was the last person to cook something for you?

Whoever made the pizzas from Papa John's.

Do you ever sit and think what if about something?

All the time. It's terrible.

If so, what is it?

So many things. It'd take too long to list but most are bad.

What’s on tv right now?

Jake's playing Rocket League on PS4. I'm waiting until my grandma is allowed to take her meds after I helped my youngest sister do her homework because my mom got pissed at me because she's spying through the ring camera in the dining room and saw I took my 3-year-old and almost 5-month-old up to bed and evidently my grandma then also tried going to bed. And because I didn't feel like fighting my youngest sister about her homework, so I didn't check it.

Do you ever stop and smell the roses?

Not so much.

Where do you download music from?

I use Pandora and Amazon Music.

How many channels do you have on your tv?

Too many. And most of us only use streaming.

What are you most scared of?

Something bad happening to my babies.

If you were given a chance to bring someone back to life, who would you choose?

Justin. He's my cousin that committed suicide.

Do you talk to any of your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?

Nope.

If so, which one?

None.

What is your mom doing right now?

Probably watching the ring camera and talking shit or complaining to my dad. Because they're in TN right now. And I'm just a big failure that is ruining their vacation and going to make them come home early, which I won't hear the end of for the rest of my life probably. Even though they usually go out of state at least every six months, usually more often. By themselves.

Are you currently listening to music?

Nope.

What is the weather like right now?

45 degrees.

Do you like new music or older music?

Both.

If you could make a law, what would kind of law would you make?

Oof. Where to start with the shit-show that is about to occur in the US in January..

What was the last video game you played?

I don't remember.

What is currently going on in the room you're in right now?

I'm doing this and Jake is playing video games with one of his buddies. I'm about to go to bed when I finish this.

Do you know where your best friend is?

Home. And hospital. My friend in the hospital might be having her baby boy early.

Who was the last person to comment you on Facebook?

I'd have to look but I left my phone upstairs.

What is your display picture of on Facebook?

A picture of Jake, the kiddos, and I from when we went to the apple orchard.

Do you ever sit and think about the past?

Too much. Lately it's been especially bad.

If you could relive any moment in time: what would it be?

Hmm. Has to be one of the times after giving birth to my kids. Like when we went home for the first time. Probably after Olivia since she was our last so we'd have all of our babies.

Are you a talker or a listener?

Listener for sure.

What is one food you will not eat?

I don't do seafood.

Do you eat anything now that you never used to eat?

Lots of stuff. I was super picky before Jacob.

Have you ever kissed the same sex?

On a dare.

When does school start this year?

Whenever I can find a new internship site. Love my life right now.

Do you ever shout for absolutely no reason?

No.

Have you stuck with your new years resolution?

I don't make them.

Do you need to lose any weight right now?

Yeah.

What is something you want right now?

Not have so many extra people living in our house.

Do you hate when you see teachers in stores?

I never cared.

What always puts a smile on your face?

Hugs from my babies. Smiles from them.

Where can I find you on a Saturday night?

At home.

What is the best thing about Sundays?

Nothing really.

What is your music provider (itunes, windows media player)?

Pandora is my preferred if Jake isn't using it. We share his.

How many songs do you have?

A lot.

When was the last time you had a period?

I guess right after I had Olivia if we want to count that. Otherwise it's been over a year.

Why do you think the sky is blue?

Whatever science says..

If you could change the sky to any color, which would you choose?

Maybe a pretty light purple. I don't know. Or just nighttime all the time.

Is there anything wrong with you right now?

My life is a fucking disaster and I feel completely alone. So a lot.

Do you hate when people stare at you?

It makes me uncomfortable, so yes.

[mod2amaryllis]

Lots of people are coming out with their best shows/movies/anime etc. of the year, and since you have such impeccable taste I'd love to hear yours! Only if it's okay ofc! Have a wonderful rest of 2022 and great 2023!

ok this is the only end of year reflection i have the capacity to do tonight, lemme thiiink ummm it was a big year for things tbh!!! I'll just ramble i guess, first up...

TV SHOWS

SEVERANCE: possibly the best first season of a show I've ever seen, and absolutely the best s1 finale of a show I've ever seen, huge ups to @tricktster for recommending it. you've probably heard it a million times but if you haven't, GO WATCH SEVERANCE, it lives up to the hype.

THE REHEARSAL: the magic trick that this show pulls is so bizarre and unprecedented it's like. impossible for me to even talk about. the entire time watching it i was gaping at my tv in open disbelief. it does and says so much in the wildest ways possible I'm still obsessed.

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS S4: three words, Baby Colin Robinson

ANDOR: I'm not a star wars guy at allll. not even a little bit. my expectations have never been high. but when i saw @variastrix loving it up on my dash i was like okaaay and holy shit. SO good. the prison arc especially was just like OUUUGHH THEMES AND DIALOGUE OFF THE CHARTS!!!

ANIME

SPY X FAMILY: what's especially fun is that we were in Japan while the second part of the season was dropping and Anya was fucking eeeeverywhere!!! everyone agrees with me cannot get ENOUGH of that funny little girl!!! best execution of fake dating trope everr the more convoluted the better.

MOB PSYCHO 100 III: ......like. c'mon what is there to even say. what's there to saaaaay! it's in my top 3 anime ever! the subversion of shonen anime has basically ruined all other stereotypical anime for me forever because it's just. so much better. so much funnier and more poignant to watch the most powerful boy ever strive to be a better person. i love that little guy and his silly conman role model

MOVIES

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE: i feel the same way about this movie as anyone else. saw the trailer, hooked instantly, then when i actually watched it i walked out going "this is the greatest movie I've ever seen??????" insanely shot, cast incredible, the whole premise simultaneously huge as a multiverse and small as an immigrant couple in a laundromat. this movie defined my cosmic outlook on life. that nothing matters, so we should make the most out of what and who we love. in any other year this would've been my far and away fave. but then came:

NOPE: you guys follow me. you've heard it already. this movie ..... this..... FUCKING MOVIE.... haunted me from the moment i saw that chimp covered in blood. it scared me so bad i wasn't even sure if i liked it but then i thought and kept thinking AND I THOUGHT AND KEPT THINKING AND I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING this movie this god damn movie. it's a social commentary, it's a blockbuster popcorn hit, it's about animals, it's about people, it's a creature feature, it's funny, it's glorious to look at it's glorious and i love it so so much. Jean jacket really is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

GAMES:

VAMPIRE SURVIVORS: this game is like if you broke gaming down to it's purest chemical form and injected it directly into your bloodstream. it's a game that might be perfect in its simplicity. it's also really funny that i can be a stinky old garlic man, i like that a lot. it's free on mobile what are you waiting for.

HORIZON FORBIDDEN WEST: i feel so fucking bad for this series not once, but TWICE releasing at the same time as two of the greatest games literally ever made (i still have to beat elden ring oops) because i love these games SO MUCH! they scratch a very particular itch for me which is plenty of upgradable weapons/armor for me to chase, incredibly in depth lore, and post apocalyptic robot dinosaurs. literally no notes. i love games like this that're like "we know what you want. you want to kill a spinosaurus with a bow and arrow and afterwards treat yourself to some incredible American vistas, here, take it, enjoy." it's an incredibly Me game. probably my goty if measured by how much fun i had playing it.

ALBUMS:

BRONCO BY ORVILLE PECK: the biggie. life changer. this beat out pony for me. makes me wanna be a lonesome cowboy in the Rockies so fucking bad i can taste it. like....im already thiiiis close to being a lonesome cowboy in the Rockies and when i listen to curse of the blackened eye on my morning walk, looking at the snow capped mountains, I'm there. I'm a cowboy baby. also saw him live and sobbed he's insane, the talent, he's just showing off he's nuts.

LAST NIGHT IN THE BITTERSWEET BY PAOLO NUTINI: through the echoes specifically. came up randomly in a mixed playlist and swiveled my head so fucking fast. one of my favorite artist finds of the year.

NOPE OST BY MICHAEL ABELS: that's right bitch nope gets featured TWICE, idc!!!

DANCE FEVER BY FLORENCE + THE MACHINE: this is the album to finally get me into Florence + the machine, before i was just into the hits but this album.... King? FREE???? DAFFODIL???????? good god welch

THINGS IN GENERAL

mfucking!!!!!!!!!

FISH!!!!!!!!!! 🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟💙💙💙💙✌️✌️✌️🥰🥰🥰🥰🐠🐠🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐟🐠🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🦈🦈🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

[mcheang]

Shadow and Bone S2 E4 recap

Spoiler alert

Oh, they did a recasting for Vasily who now has dark hair, unlike his parents. Alina dislikes Vasily but offers to lead the Grisha since the Lanstovs want a Second Army commander loyal to them and she is Nikolai’s fiancée. Mal is against this as making her General will put an even bigger target on her back but Alina wants to protect the Grisha. Vasily manages to learn about Malina since they were having a moment in a hallway rather than a room. Genya still looks beautiful to me. Her and Kirigan’s scars do not make them ugly. Frankly I’m more worried about Baghra’s finger and Genya’s right eye. Seriously Kirigan, you could have chosen a lighter punishment for your mother! Imprisonment was enough! Baghra seems to care about Genya now. Aleksander calls out Baghra for protesting his plans because she made him this way. Baghra finally gives up on him. I have my doubts about Vladim. It looks like he wants Baghra’s power. And the bone crushing scene was horrifying. David warns Alina and she imprisons him after Nadia informs her that Kirigan keeps his close. Honestly, if that was obvious, he would make a horrible choice for spy. David refuses to teach Alina merzost but warns her about the tether. Nina knows Pekka cannot free Matthias and warns Kaz. Kaz has released a fake firepox that will be blamed on Pekka and threatens his son Alby. Wow, we actually got the Pekka showdown in Crooked Kingdom without the Jurda yet…

Pekka loses the respect of his men

Mal wants to find the special blade that might kill nichevo’ya. I’m not gonna say the name cos then I have to repeat it and it’s long. Anyway, Tolya and Zoya will go to the Crows to hire them for the job. Unless the blade was made with merzost, it will be useless. Vasily did his research and has Mal arrested for desertion. Dude, if you’re going to seduce Alina, don’t arrest her boyfriend! He is an idiot. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Jesper and Wylan kiss! 😄 now where are Ivan and Fedyor? Kaz kicks Inej out of the Crows after she made him worry with a detour. She is a free woman. Seriously, Nikolai giving Alina her ring has more chemistry than Malina. Alina starts getting worried about Mal’s absence, but no one is as concerned as she is. Oh, the siege and storm ending is here too. Only it’s at an engagement party rather than Nikolai’s birthday. And it’s still Vasily’s fault. Honestly, if he actually becomes king, Fjerda will crush him. I doubt even Kirigan could have reined him in if he were still General. Vasily dies and I’m not sure if the king still lives. Kirigan lures Alina away with an illusion so she will be away from the fighting and her head does some weird glowy thing. To Adrik, she must look unstable. While the invasion happens, Baghra takes advantage and frees herself and Genya, who heals her missing finger. (Seriously Kirigan, fixing her finger would have been better than figs!) Genya sees her reflection and destroys the Alkemi’s workstation in a fit of rage. You know the Darkling confrontation at the end, his S&S speech would work if Mal had been frightened of Alina’s power. But here it seems out of place. And considering book Alina had grown used to her imaginary Darkling, the offer to rule suited the book better than the show. It looks lika Nadia and Adrik are the only members of the Second Army who survived the engagement party. I don’t count Tamar and Alina since Tamar isn’t loyal to the second army, she’s loyal to Alina, and Alina wants to retire once the Fold is gone.

This certainly was a combo of endings from Crooked Kingdom and Siege and Storm. Looks like we get the Ruin and Rising arc next. This was too crammed, considering Alina’s relationship with the Darkling. His speech at the end is so out of place.

Well I can say this for Tatiana, she does love Nikolai, I think. I actually prefer book Baghra. I have not forgotten that Baghra only gave partial truths to Alina when Anastas was to blame for the Fold, and that she tried to kill Mal. The fact that Baghra gives up on her son now makes me unhappy. If you’re responsible for how he came to be, you don’t give up, you try to save him. Poor Tolya. None of his friends like poetry Pekka is a villain for sure but he does love his son and while I think it is good he knows his son is alive, I find that having Alby witness his arrest is too cruel.

Ooh, is David back under Kirigan’s power now?

[sweetcloverheart]

I posted 12,154 times in 2022

That's 2,054 more posts than 2021!

104 posts created (1%)

12,050 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@vulpiximisa

@twinklecupcake

@pocketramblr

@supersoftly

@avalonblue12

I tagged 8,738 of my posts in 2022

Only 28% of my posts had no tags

#prettiful - 1,151 posts

#i spotted a queuety - 1,098 posts

#miraculous ladybug - 756 posts

#pokemon - 491 posts

#fire emblem: three houses - 491 posts

#spy x family - 227 posts

#owl house - 224 posts

#dc comics - 204 posts

#the owl house - 204 posts

#genshin impact - 204 posts

Longest Tag: 126 characters

#more like bruce calls up clark and goes ''hey i think lex is trying to clone you again have you been to fawcett city before?''

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Clover Rants Miraculously: Nope, still hate it

(This is more me venting then anything really. Spoilers below!)

Okay, to properly explain why I greatly dislike “Lila and Chloe are more evil than Gabriel” thing, I need you all to think back to the olden internet days when you would read those fanfics where the writer clearly and obviously wrote one half of their NOTP as a raging jerk/yandere psychopath to justify their preferred OTP/Self-Insert character and fav character getting together.

Did you imagine it? Did you remember how cringey and eyeroll-inducing you found it?

That’s how I feel about the whole “These two teenage girls are more monstrous and capable of greater villainy than the established magical terrorist super villain who emotionally abuses his son”.

Because it’d be one thing if Lila and Chloe becoming a supervillain criminal girlboss duo just for the hell of it was being done as a way to expand on their characters and explore new plot territory - That I don’t mind at all and would 1100% be down with. But instead, it’s very clearly and obviously being used to help hype up Gabriel’s frankly unearned in my opinion “redemption arc” because instead of writing Gabemoth showing actual remorse for his actions and eventually turning himself in or having him have this “too late now” moment that ends in his defeat and the slow realization that he destroyed his and his son’s lives for nothing, we are instead treated to the show repeated screaming at us that the two teenage bullies (both of whom could be very easily dealt with if the adults surrounding them did their jobs and forced them to face consequences for said bullying) are clearly the greater threats here, what with their constant scheming to...*checks plot* ruin the day of a girl they don’t like while trying to steal her boyfriend via lies and one of said girl’s parent’s money, which is clearly leagues more evil than...*checks plot again* magically controlling your son through the ring that’s literally tied to his life, while abusing the sentient cosmic entities you stole (well, actually your teenaged nephew stole them for you, but I digress) as you forcibly use their powers to buff up your magically transformed croonies to help them fight the pair of magical teenagers who’s magical jewelry you’re trying to steal.

It’s so obvious they can’t be bothered to make Gabriel into the 3D villain they claim he is, so their only option is to drag down the other antagonists so they’re “more evil” and make all the terrible and awful stuff he’s done on screen seem “minimal”/less bad than it is. That’s why Chloe’s “worse than usual” and Lila’s collecting moms and alternate identities like pokemon cards - not for actual plot development and character progression, but so that the writers can prop up Gabriel as this “misguided saint” who “only did what he had to for his family” while shoving his “redemption” through the story and down everyone’s throats. Because it’s the only trick they have in their bags for making a character “good” - make one character super evil/mean so whoever they’re propping up looks better in comparison. They did with the Zoe/Chloe comparisons, they did it with Felix’s intro, they’re doing it with Nathalie and Gabriel, they’re doing it with Amelie and Emilie (Don’t think I don’t see that nonsense going on with that “The other Princess wants a magic baby because she was overcome with jealousy over her sister” line), and they’re doing it with this.

Like, mark my words, almost every other episode of Season 6 is going to contain at least one character going “Wow, Chrysalis is so evil! Hawkmoth never did something like this!” or “If only Gabriel had kept the butterfly miraculous - he would never abuse it the way Chrysalis has!”

67 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

#4

Does Chloe still work as an Antagonist?

You know, I’ve come to the realization that one of the main issues with Chloe being an antagonist isn’t simply that Thomas doesn’t really use her unless it’s to have the episode follow her around with a big fat giant “Hate this character!” sign (much like he does with Lila and Felix too, I realize, but we might end up off topic so let’s move on), but the fact that once you go past season 2-3, Chloe has...basically no real role in the story anymore as an antagonist

Like, when the plot was contained to the Akuma-of-the-day formula and the slice-of-life stuff, Chloe was a spectacular “villain”, because everything was still very much small scale in terms of stakes, enough so for her to seem a big enough threat to Marinette daily life. After all, Chloe is a titular mean girl, the rich kid school yard bully who just had to flash a credit card or call in daddy dearest to make everyone miserable and leave Marinette and Adrien worrying about what person she’ll end up ticking off bad enough to turn into a Akuma next. It made you hate her, revile her, wish that she’d eventually get her comeuppance (and usually, she did, depending on how the episode ended)

And it worked, because that’s what she was built for, where she fit best.

But then the show expanded it’s stakes by bringing back Lila, who ends up having more influence and doing far more damage than Chloe usually would with her bullying (Like, Chloe for all her threats and insults, is more bark than bite. Lila actually had impact with the trouble she brought to Mari’s door). Then they expand again by introducing Felix, who ends up deepening the whole Gabriel plotline while being an active thorn in his and the heroes side (where as Chloe mostly just existed and was slowly becoming regarded as a nuisance). Then the show actually tried to give Chloe depth and a character arc (which they end up aborting because screw breaking the status quo I guess), showing the reasons for her behavior and that she could actually be decent when given the chance and right motivation. Then season 4 kicks off bringing in Chloe’s half-sister (who we only hear about just that episode) taking her place as the bee hero while Marinette deals with her new responsibilities of being the Miraculous Guardian while Felix is trying to sniff out Gabriel’s secret and - well, you get the picture.

With every raised stake and furthering of the plot, Chloe’s mean teen bullying kind of becomes small potatoes when compared to everything else going on in the show. Who really cares about her taking over a group film project or her trying to get out of playing in a class soccer match when the cast is busy trying to deal with Hawkmoth creating magical sentient doppelgangers, Master Fu getting amnesiaed, Marinette getting stressed out with all her new Guardian responsibilities, who will become today’s temp hero, the overarching mystery of Emilie Agreste and the wedding rings, and Adrien causing the apocalypse (again). Most shows at this point would have their bully character get sent “to military school” or move abroad with a distant unknown aunt, but there Chloe stands, still thinking she’s one of the big kids while the show desperately tries to keep her relevant despite her no longer having a miraculous and no real involvement in the Akumas attacking everyone (actually, now that I think about, Chloe isn’t even responsible for 2/3rds of the Akuma during season 4). We’re suppose to think of her as this powerful malicious force on the same level as Hawkmoth that’s ruining Marinette and everyone’s lives with her very presence because...well, the show says so. Did you not see the giant sign they’re holding over Chloe’s head saying “Hate this character!”? That means you have to hate her no matter what, even when there’s other things to focus on outside of hating her.

Not to mention she’s...very much irrelevant to the plot now. Sure, she still has that “crush” on Adrien/interference with the Adrinette side of the love square, but it hasn’t been a thing or plot-focused in forever, and Lila and Felix (much like with Lila’s bullying) are having and had more effect of that relationship progression than Chloe did. And as said, Zoe taking her place as the Bee hero has removed her from the temp hero plot (unless they plan on having a Chloe VS Zoe battle now that Hawkmoth’s stolen it), and her becoming friends with the rest of the cast had basically edged Chloe out of most of the slice-of-life stuff since “no one likes her anyways”, so there’s no point in involving her in activities they can invite her more “likeable” and nicer half-sibling to (and yeah, Chloe could force her way into those plots, but that’s what it’d end up being - forced). The only real connection she could have to everything still is Sabrina (Who gets barely any screentime as is! She finally becomes a temp hero too once, and is immediately replaced by Felix in the finale episode), and that “budding” relationship with Lila (that is literally last minute with no real build up. I want to say they’ll likely show them becoming “friends” in the fifth season, but knowing the show, it’s just gonna be Chloe playing the Sabrina role to Lila’s Chloe with no real self-reflection or interesting character dynamic exploration...). Hell, despite her betraying Ladybug for Hawkmoth at the end of season 3, almost no reference or callback is made to it, and everyone seems completely unaffected by Chloe brainwashing almost all of Paris considering they’re treating her like normal (in fact, if anything, they only seem just slightly more annoyed with her and her antics now - just not for the reasons stated previously)

And it’s sad. When I see Chloe pulling her usual stunts in the later seasons, I don’t feel the urge to hate and deride her like in season 1. When I see Chloe still trying to be the big bad mean girl bully in a season that had the show’s second apocalypse, sentimonsters being revealed as sentient beings with feelings (and one of the main cast potentially being one), families getting held hostage, and Hawkmoth successfully (with help) grab almost all the miraculous, I feel more bad for her than the other characters, because it’s clear that the show is just simply putting her through the motions since they don’t know what else to do with her now. It’s like watching a parent force their child into a costume that clearly doesn’t fit anymore to do a dumb little performances they liked to as a kid that they’ve clearly outgrown now.

And now we have Season five to wait on (and it’s likely going to be a long wait with all the protests going on about Zag not paying VAs Edit: Congrats to the VAs for succeeding in their protest and getting their raises), where Marinette’s going to be laser focused on getting the stolen Miraculous back, alongside the Emilie plotline still being a thing and Felix’s betrayal opening up a huge can of plot-theory worms - not gonna be much room in there for pull her “wait till my father hears about this!” shtick and leave an impression like before.

Honestly, if Thomas really hates her as much as he claims, he’d of just sent her off to New York with her mom now that they’re “Besties” (by the show’s word) or have her sent abroad for some sort of “fashion scholarship” or something. At this point, Chloe’s run her course as an antagonist and should be retired if they really have no plans of redeeming her or anything.

67 notes - Posted April 3, 2022

#3

I can’t wait for Season 6 of MLB to open with Lila burning down a children’s hospital or kicking puppies or some other wild nonsense before Thomas heads to twitter and posts “So we all agree we don’t like Lila anymore right? :)”

77 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

#2

Clover Rants Miraculously (Because no this actually bothers me)

(I’ve decided to put all my Miraculous salt/complaints under the tag #Clover Rants Miraculously from now on. I’ll go through all my old UOT tag to add the new one to any Miraculous related post)

I love how Felix can screw Marinette and all of Paris over for “Senti-rights” (Despite the fact that Marinette clearly wasn’t even aware Sentimonsters were, in fact, sentient living being, that it’s mostly Gabriel’s fault since he’s specifically making Sentis to die fighting Ladybug and co and has “killed” more than they had (but sure, give him all the Miraculous for the Peacock, dude’s totes earned it), and the one that was “too far” for him was destroying Paris), and get rewarded for it with a shiny new hand-me-down girlfriend and getting to be Marinette’s new good-aligned ally by the end of s5 if the spoilers are to be believed (and with no accountability for any of the nonsense he’s pulled since his intro), and that Gabriel will basically have all evidence of his Hawkmoth activities erased and be given a free pass by the narrative via Ladybug/Marinette keeping his secret to return to his old civilian life (despite learning nothing considering he purposely throws away the Butterfly to spite her despite how merciful she was being to his ungrateful ass)

Meanwhile, Lila and Chloe are basically labeled the most evilest beings on the planet (with the former basically taking the Hawkmoth mantle) not for the actual awful stuff they did (getting Marinette falsely expelled for Lila, near crashing a train for Chloe, and teaming up with Hawkmoth purposely for both), but because...*checks bible* Lila lies, Chloe is a brat, and they both have the audacity to get in the way of Adrienette - ‘Cause only real monsters get in the way of the perfect teen romance!

Just...fantastic. Really loving this guys!

88 notes - Posted October 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Things Adrien will never know since he’s not allowed to find out his father’s Hawkmoth

That Gabriel has purposely gone out of his way to upset Adrien’s friends via unfairly punishing him/limiting his freedom solely so he could have an Akuma to use (”Bubbler” and “Chat Blanc”)

That Gabriel once tricked him into believing he had upset his father so he could akumatize himself and keep him and Ladybug from realizing his real identity (”Collector”)

That after akumatizing Gorilla (“Gorizilla”), that he purposely put Adrien’s life in danger and had him thrown from on top a building just so he could find out if he was actually Chat Noir or not (and only changed his mind after Adrien had been thrown and it looked like he wasn’t about to transform to save himself)

Had noticed via his akuma butterflies when Adrien is upset/depressed but did nothing about it

Openly threatened his cousin (Like, feel how you want about Felix, Gabriel still threatened a child)

Has had Paris nearly flooded/burned down/deleted/eeby-deebied/brainwashed/zombie invaded several times while Adrien was outside the house with no idea if he had gotten/might get caught up in the attack (and not seeming to care)

That the few time he did arrange for Adrien to not be around when he was planning something (NY and Shanghai specials, “Risk”, etc.), it was specifically so he could hurt his friends, and usually done at Adrien’s own expense

That Gabriel almost caused WW3 by threatening the world with nukes (NY special)

That his father murdered someone(Or at least had their murder arranged via a gang hit) (Shanghai special)

That Nathalie’s health dove into the negatives specifically because she was helping him with his supervillainy (Yeah, she chose to become Mayura and everything, but this is still someone Adrien considers family here)

Everything about the Grimoire

Went out of his way to manipulate Chloe in “Heart Hunter” (Again, feel however you want, Gabe still purposely made it so Chloe would think Ladybug didn’t want her so he could get her on his side more easily)

Purposely put Lila and him together so she could “keep an eye on him” at his behest

Was the one who instigated Lila into enacting her plan in “Ladybug”, which ended up with Marinette expelled, and all because he considered her a “bad influence” on Adrien

Had twice Akumatized Adrien after he found out about him being Hawkmoth and his mother’s actual fate, just so he could get Ladybug’s miraculous (“Chat Blanc” and “Ephemeral”), which led to the world ending and everyone being dead in one of these scenarios

Has been magically manipulating him into obeying his will (If Senti!Adrien proves to be canon)

Made a deal with Felix to get all the Miraculous the latter stole ( “Strikeback”)

Deliberately chose to focus on stealing the Miraculous instead of taking the opportunity given to him to save his mother and Nathalie from their respective ailments (“Evolution”)

Purposely had him Cataclysm his arm, and near risking making his son a murderer/orphan (“Destruction”)

Kept the Kwamis he stole/kidnapped in cages and called them “slaves”

That the whole “Alliance Ring” nonsense was specifically to help mask his activities as Hawkmoth

And that he mainly just cares about his rivalry with Ladybug now.

169 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[wiedzmacienia]

now that chaos has been adverted for the time being, katarzyna allows her eyes to focus on the dog's remorseful face and sigh. usually, the two dogs were well-behaved, and if she was honest, this incident wasn't as much an episode of misbehaving as it was overexcitement. still, it'd have been awfully frustrating if the dog had managed to ruin elijah's computer or if the coffee in question had still been hot. a stray memory is recalled of a wolfdog knocking a basin over near battleplans so long ago that it's almost jarring how the memory floods her senses for the briefest moments; as if she could reach out into it and suddenly find herself awakening from a daydream. the witch has been having moments like that a lot lately. recalling stolen moments from a specific time as if the universe was trying to tell her something but what she didn't know.

she shakes the memory away, watching as elijah scratches behind hamlet's ear and feeling as cato curls up at her side still unsure about why her tone had raised a moment before. she pets his head, then she considers what elijah had said before the chaos. maybe her brother was a little reckless at times when it came to paper-trails. he'd still managed to remain out of history more than she had. not for lack of trying, katarzyna couldn't help the fact that history remembered her husband's spy ring fondly now and with it the lives of those connected to it's members. they certainly hadn't looked upon spies well back then.

"just glad we saved your computer. i'm sure you have a whole archive of information on that you'd want to keep from being deleted. though, maybe you should invest in backing it up to.. the cloud or whatever it's called." she states with an eyebrow raise. perhaps she was intelligent and strived to learn. perhaps she knew how to use a computer to get the information she needed, that did not mean she bothered with knowing every computer term. not when for the majority of her life computers hadn't even been a thing. in fact, she still preferred to write actual letters than to send an email even if such was required often in terms of division work. "it wasn't that loud, really. but when you've lived through people trying to kill you for the better part of six hundred years you tend to be aware of your surroundings at all times, even if you're sleeping."

"oh, he has demands now? and here i thought the enjoyment of my company would be enough." katarzyna jokes, her tone light. she's still not entirely sure what's prompted her decision other than a sudden bout of impulsiveness. or maybe it's because in some weird way, she thinks he might be the only one on the team that will truly understand what she intends to reveal to him later that day. she thinks, maybe, because of his unique perspective as a historian he sees time in the same vein she does. maybe that'll help. really, she should have told the others a long time ago. a century ago. months ago. years ago. what good would it have done though? it wasn't until recently she'd started to feel it, sense it. perhaps it wouldn't really change anything, not really, at least for some time. and while it was in many ways something private, they deserved to know. it'd impact them eventually.

"the room across from where matthew's sleeping, there should be a shirt that'll fit you in the closet. you're about the same size as henry and he left a few last time he visited." she states, wondering if he'll inquire. katarzyna doesn't go 'into the office', operating the unit when they are called to action and having her free time in-between (centuries with the order affords her that) so she's unsure if he's ever actually crossed paths with henry or sarah at headquarters or put two and two together considering the two in question held the name of her late husband. they should, after all henry was her great-grandson and sarah was his wife. (she still wasn't fond of the idea henry had chosen to work for division with all the dangers it held and with his little girl at home but she also wasn't going to stop him from whatever duty he felt the need to follow. he was as stubborn as ben used to be.) "and i have a kurig too. i'll pop a cup in for you."

"I'd say your brother's a bit less concerned about leaving a paper trail than you are. Or a photographic one, anyway." As soon as he says it, Elijah wonders if he should have. Despite Kasper's seeming nonchalance concerning visual evidence ( he's still uncertain of whether it's a genuine indifference, or a feigned one meant to minimize the aftermath of being too ' caught up in a moment ' to think of it until later ), Kasia's twin has remained absent from historical record, at least in a particular way that she hasn't. No marriages, no children — any relationship or other such involvement with those who eventually garnered archival importance is nothing short of alleged. Conversely, she's an entirely different story, and he's sure that she knows that he's aware of that fact. They've played their little find me in history game too often for her not to be.

Elijah is in the process deciding whether he should speak further to convey that he didn't intend to sound flippant on the matter when he truly wasn't — when Cato and Hamlet suddenly bound into the room. Although he quite likes animals, he's generally found himself in the company of small ones prior to joining the team, and Kasia's dogs are anything but. Still, it's difficult to maintain a polite distance with an animal who has decided they enjoy you; such has proven to be the case with Hamlet. The canine tends to invade his space, a propensity he finds to be oddly flattering ( even if he does spend an inordinate amount of time plucking hair off his clothing in the aftermath of these visits ).

This instance, however, nearly causes Elijah's heart to stop. It all happens as if at high-speed and slow-motion both at once: Hamlet crashing into the table, the laptop catapulting towards the floor, the warm coffee sloshing out of the mug. So focused is he on the computer that's about to hit hardwood with potentially catastrophic results, that he only moves towards the nexus of the chaos instead of away. Thankfully, the liquid isn't scalding when it splashes him, and Kasia manages to catch the falling piece of hardware before it smashes into the ground. A heavy breath of relief escapes Elijah's lips despite the stains of brown now seeping into the fabric of his light blue button-down shirt; he's careful with his clothes, yet his laptop is of far more value. Nevertheless, with the small table still teetering in front of him, he forces it back upright as his companion scolds the overzealous pets. Hamlet appears sincerely remorseful while taking a position by his feet, and he almost feels sorry for the dog. After retrieving his computer from the shadowy cushion that's holding it, Elijah scratches behind Hamlet's ear. "I'm always happy to see you too, but maybe not at the expense of my laptop next time, huh?"

Then, he glances to Kasia as he sets the near victim of tragedy back on the table. "Thank you." He's quick, yet hardly that quick; if she hadn't chosen to intervene, he would be staring at a fractured, unresponsive screen right about now. "I'm sorry about — this." While Elijah had caught a majority of the coffee on his shirt, inevitable splashes have made their way onto the floor. What's the worse option, wearing vampire-blood-coffee or drinking it? "And for waking you up before. I didn't realize the typing sounded so loud."

It's as he shuts the laptop lid that he hears her question. "I could give you the long answer, but the short one is tedious office shit." In spite of her question, he's surprised by what she offers next. ' Yaling's not the only one that gets to kidnap you. ' While Elijah is aware that Kasia has come to accept his presence, and enjoy their banter whether she readily admits to it or not, this is the first instance in recent memory that she's suggested the two of them spend time together alone.

He pauses for only a moment before he replies ( with a quiet humor laced through his voice ), "I will tentatively submit to your demands, as long as you agree to my terms. First, I'd appreciate some caffeine in a cup that hasn't previously held blood coffee. And second, I need to change into a different shirt. I refuse to be kidnapped dressed like this."

[wandaromanova]

can i request wandanat x r? r wants to propose to wandanat and has been sneaking around to hide her plans of proposal. wandanat thinks r is cheating and maybe leaves her? you decide but angst please and i just love all your work i can't stop re reading them💕

Ruined

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader x Natasha Romanoff

Warnings: cussing, arguing, very slight violence, cheating allegations

A/N: hi! thank you for your request! im flattered to know that you love and re read my work! i may or may not have intentionally left this on a cliffhanger whoops 🤭 <3

Ruined | Regret

Word Count: 1.8K | masterlist

(gif is not mine)

You had first met Wanda and Natasha when you were tasked with being the Avengers’ liaison. You were tasked to handpick missions that you believed required the attention of the heroes and assigned team members onto those missions.

You worked very closely with the team, you even lived with them in the compound for convenience. In the time spent working for them, you had grown super close to everyone; most especially Nat and Wanda.

It first started off with the pair going into your office, always asking for missions. You had found it odd considering they never took a break. You didn’t understand why they’d seek out missions when they were clearly exhausted. You figured that maybe they just loved helping people so much that they got excited and anxious for missions, but little did you know what their true intentions were.

They wanted to spend time with you. They wanted to observe you close up and not across a conference table. They wanted to know everything there was to know about you. As creepy as it was, they wanted to get close enough to know what you smelt like. They wanted to know what your lips tasted like. They wanted the relationship with you to surpass professionalism.

Eventually, the two Avengers stopped asking for missions when they came in; they just went to your office for the sake of going there. They’d bring you various lunches every single day and shower you with small compliments.

You’d brushed it off as the women being very good friends that just so happened to be flirts. You were wrong. They were interested in you, in the same way you were in them. You couldn’t help but admire the two beautiful women.

Their green eyes, fit bodies, and kind smiles were a recipe for disaster, in the best way possible. With one look, you’d drop to your knees and do whatever they wanted. They just had to say the word and you would do it, no hesitation. Yeah, it sounds absolutely ridiculous, but it’s painfully and embarrassingly true.

Over the course of time, you had grown closer to Wanda and Nat. Your daily lunches turned into daily movie nights and dinners too. You saw them all the time and you didn’t mind it one bit.

They finally asked you out after a year of spending time with and getting closer to you. It was safe to say, you instantly agreed with a smile on your face as you let out an, “of course! fucking finally!”

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧─────────❅•

Now, you had been dating the two women for five years. Yeah, it’s been a long ass time, but it still wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to spend forever with Wanda and Nat.

You wanted to get an actual house in the suburbs together. Not an apartment in the middle of New York, but a place you could call home. You craved the domesticity of it all.

You wanted to settle down and have kids with them somehow; whether it be by adoption or via surrogate. You just wanted to have a family of your own with the two woman you loved more than anyone or anything in the universe.

So, you’ve been sneaking around trying to keep your secret, well… a secret. You were planning on proposing to your girlfriends. Yes, this was a very huge step in a relationship, but you felt as though it was the right time. You guys had been together for five years! You were practically married to them already!

You would sneak off suddenly during your usual movie nights with Wanda and Nat or before breakfast to go and meet with different jewelers. You didn’t want to go into a store and buy their rings. That was not an option in the slightest. They were special and deserved special rings. They needed rings that were as unique and one of a kind as they were. It’s what Wanda and Nat deserved.

So, you were constantly leaving, whether it be early in the morning or the late hours of the night, on the search for someone who could make your ideas for their rings, a reality. You would hide your phone from Wanda and Nat’s view and even changed your passcode in order to prevent them from finding out. You’d face your phone down whenever you left it in a room with the pair, as well.

Unfortunately, in your excitement of what was to come, you didn’t realize how suspicious your behavior had been. You figured that you were being pretty discreet, coming up with pretty believable excuses. You even had some of the team help you with your lies, since you let them know what you had planned.

However, you forgot you were dating a world class spy and a witch. You were wrong, obviously. As each day passed, your girlfriends worried and assumed the worst. They let their minds spiral and searched for worst case scenarios. The worst one of all seeming the most likely; infidelity. They came to the conclusion that you were cheating on them.

•❅────────✧❅✦❅✧─────────❅•

Natasha and Wanda cried to one another on one of the nights you bolted off and zoomed out of the apartment with a lame excuse.

Wanda sat on the couch as Nat held her in her arms. They both had tears cascading down their faces as their thoughts were plagued by you; by your supposed betrayal.

“How? How could she do this to us? After everything we’ve been through? She’s goes and cheats on us?” Wanda spoke brokenly as she released a sob. Natasha pulled Wanda closer, the Sokovian woman placing her head in the crook of Nat’s neck.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know, Wanda. All I know is, this can’t go on any longer.” Natasha spoke, trying to keep her voice steady, but her voice failed her. She came out shaky as the sadness and hurt seeped in. You had betrayed them, or so they thought.

They sat there in the same position, waiting for your return. Finally, four hours later. You had come back to the apartment.

You were ecstatic as you made your way up to the front door. You finally found a jeweler that could make the perfect rings for Wanda and Nat! You couldn’t wait to get on one knee and present the rings to the two women who would forever hold your heart. You were over the moon excited right now.

However, your joy was quickly wiped away the second you stepped foot into the apartment. You took in the sight of Wanda and Natasha on the couch, staring at you with dried and fresh tears on their faces. You instantly shut the door and tossed your keys onto the counter as you rushed towards your girlfriends worriedly.

“Nat, Wands, what’s wrong loves?” You asked as you approached them, but Natasha abruptly stood up before you could get too close.

“Don’t you take another fucking step!” Nat snapped at you, and you stumbled backwards a little, in total shock. Your concern increased as you looked between the fuming redhead and the heartbroken looking brunette.

“Did something happen? What’s wrong?” You were so confused and desperately wanted to comfort your girlfriends. You don’t recall doing anything that could anger and upset them this much.

“Yeah, something happened. Our girlfriend is a fucking pathetic, cheating ass bitch who can’t keep it in her pants.” Natasha spoke with venom dripping from her tone. You literally let out a gasp, her words physically hurting you.

“What the hell are you talking about? I’m not cheating on you guys! I love you both more than you guys could even imagine!” You raised your voice, getting frustrated with the situation.

Wanda suddenly stood up and stuck beside Nat. She stared at you with anger clouding her sadness now.

“You’re not cheating on us? Then why the hell have you been running off at weird hours of the day? Why have you been hiding your phone from us?” Wanda began to fire a bunch of questions towards you.

You froze in your place. The answers to their questions weren’t what they thought they would be. The true answers were the complete opposite of cheating, you were acting weird because you were planning on proposing! But you couldn’t tell them that!

You stood silently as the two women stared at you, breathing heavily. They took your silence as confirmation of their suspicions.

“We fucking knew it. You’re a fucking joke, Y/N. Were we not enough for you? Was two women not enough for you?” Wanda inched her way towards you, eyes glowing red.

You backed away, not in fear, but in sadness. You really wished you could tell them the real reasons behind your behavior, but you couldn’t without blowing up your surprise.

“Did you really think you could go behind our backs without us noticing?” Wanda continued to stalk towards you, like she was about to murder you.

“I swear to you both, I would never, ever, cheat on you guys. You’re both more than enough for me. You’re my home, I’d never jeopardize that.” You tried to convince your girlfriends to believe you, but they weren’t having it.

“Stop lying to us!” Wanda screamed out as she sent you flying back with a scarlet colored blast as she used her powers on you. Your back connected with the front door as you groaned. That was going to be a huge bruise later, for sure.

“I’m not lying. When have I ever lied to you both, huh? Why the fuck would I start now?” You asked exasperatedly as you stood up slowly. You cringed at the pain radiating from your back.

“And here you go again, more lies coming out of your slutty mouth. The fucking nerve you have, Why don’t you go and fuck whoever you’ve been seeing and leave us alone?” Natasha spoke as she moved forward, placing her hand firmly on Wanda’s waist.

Before you even have the chance to speak, Wanda opened the door with her powers and tossed you out of the apartment. She abruptly slammed the door in your face. Wanda and Nat’s angry, pain-filled faces and scarlet colored magic being the last things you saw before the door blocked your vision with a harsh slam.

You sat on the ground in front of the door in shock. They thought you were cheating on them. They didn’t want anything do with you now. What the fuck were you supposed to do now? What did this mean for your proposal? Should you cancel on the jeweler? Or should you hold out hope and pray that they’ll hear you out eventually?

All you did know was that your proposal had been ruined regardless. Whether you told them about your plans or not, the moment was doomed the minute they began to suspect cheating.

Withholding the information from them, caused them to push you away. But now that you look at it, if you had just told them about the proposal, you’d at least be in their arms right now and not on the floor of your apartment complex hallway with tears streaming down your face.

You were at a loss, and you didn’t know if you could gain back the trust of the women you loved.

───────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

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[johannestevans]

trans male character ideas 2: electric boogaloo

feel free to use as a prompt or to give recommendations or to add your own

excitable gardener who refers to all the seedlings, shoots, and other plants in his nursery as his babies. many of his neighbours think him a father of dozens

beautiful angel who has a sword and undiagnosed rage issues

painfully lovestruck man who gets a job at a summer camp because a beautiful woman works there. she has to haul him out of the water when he almost drowns falling out of a canoe bc he forgets he can't swim

chocolatier who is widely renowned as an expert in his craft but hates all of his work and angrily asserts everything he's ever made is garbage but SOON, SOON he will create the PERFECT chocolate

very jolly old man with a white beard who works as a lollipop man and all of the children are convinced he's santa claus and make a big deal of ~not recognising him shhhhh~ when he does the Christmas grotto every year

bookbinder who lives in the little flat above his shop, which is nestled between an antique store and a rare book shop, so most of his trade is with his neighbours. he does not speak, and when he writes his prices and terms on card paper he has the most exquisite handwriting

your evil boss who you're fairly certain is somehow spying on you but you can never figure out how or why

cam boy who has more pairs of cat ears than you can or would want to imagine. his bubbly, sweet, innocent cam boy persona could not be more different than his venomous and cold real life one

charming asexual who owns a sex shop and calls everyone "dear", who will give you recommendations for eye-poppingly huge dildos or very effective pussy pumps without batting an eyelid or stammering once, but faints dead away if he gets a papercut and sees blood

extremely confident stunt man who keeps breaking bones and saying "it's fine, let me try the roll again!"

hot elf archer

very officious accountant who has no visible personality and speaks in a monotone, but somehow that only makes his rage more terrifying when he stands over your desk and points out you missed a decimal place. he wears little heels

mathematician who dresses in leather all the time and flirts with everyone he meets

recently turned werewolf who has a very carefully selected and expensive wardrobe and keeps ruining favourite outfits when the full moon hits and he hulks out of them

guy who keeps getting killed by the various enemies he keeps making and then getting up again and making an extremely lazy new identity. his last 10 names have been josh, guy, josh, jim, josh, guy, matt, tim, josh, and josh again. (he forgot he was josh last time)

car mechanic who's actually an alien and hides the fact that he knows nothing about human culture by being really openly obsessed with cars, which he always admired on his home planet

ex-medical student now full time DJ who hands out cards advising of safe and unsafe drug interactions at raves

witch who communes with the spirits of the wood, and cannot be found unless he wants to be. as of recent, he is (very graciously) permitting a hunter from a nearby village to court him with gifts and love letters, tho the hunter has never seen his face

village pellar who lives alone in a hut that the river runs right underneath, and when you're in his home you can hear it rushing by. the children say they've seen him sitting up to his waist in the water, and when fish swim into his lap, he tugs the hooks out of their cheeks

pickpocket with a nose ring who prides himself on returning people's wallets every time he steals them (albeit after alleviating them of their cash and payment cards)

[frodo-with-glasses]

More Reading Thoughts: “The Black Gate Opens”

What’s this?? Another chapter review within a week of the last one??? Gasp! Incredible! Unheard of!

(I just didn’t have a lot of stuff to draw for the last chapter, haha. We’ll see how this one goes.)

Haha another reference to people traveling “in the van”. Guess I’ll have to draw another Volkswagen ;-P

Aww, Merry is left behind…poor thing. Poor all of them, really.

“Bergil was with him, and he also was downcast; for his father was to march leading a company of the Men of the City: he could not rejoin the Guard until his case was judged.” Oh nooo, Bergil, bby 🥺 Has to watch his father leave, wondering if he’ll come back. Argh.

And Merry has to do the same thing with Pippin!! Argh! This is just like that one scene in the movie, but without Aragorn at his side to comfort him…

“Everyone that he cared for had gone away into the gloom that hung over the distant eastern sky; and little hope at all was left in his heart that he would ever see any of them again.” Merry noooooooo 😭😭

“He was roused by the touch of Bergil’s hand. ‘Come, Master Perian!’ said the lad. ‘You are still in pain, I see. I will help you back to the Healers. But do not fear! They will come back. The Men of Minas Tirith will never be overcome. And now they have the Lord Elfstone, and Beregond of the Guard too.’” BBY SON 😭😭😭 Bergil has inherited his father’s defiant optimism. You keep up your spirits, buddy.

The king’s head!! They put the king’s head back on the statue!!

And they broke the bridge to Minas Morgul and set fire to the sickly white flowers. Good. This may only be small pocket change compared to the might of Mordor, but any way they can destroy the darkness and ruin and replace it with beauty and light is a good thing.

Imrahil urging them to use the name “King Elessar” for the psychic damage is GoodTM.

EYYYYYY MABLUNG MY DUDE

Aragorn guessing the mind of Sauron is giving me huge Death Note vibes. “He knows that I know that he knows, etc. etc…”

Oh now this is interesting. Some of the men from Rohan and Lossnarch are too afraid to keep going towards Mordor, so instead of scolding them, Aragorn tells them to turn back and take the port city of Cair Andros back from the enemy if they can. Some of them do, and it’s good, because they’ll still have the chance to prove their courage with a battle that’s more their speed. And others choose to stay with Aragorn, who treated their weakness with kindness.

I could make SO many spiritual parallels here, like SO many, but I think I’ll save that for a future essay post.

Ohhhhhohoho Mouth of Sauron time—

“At its head there rode a tall and evil shape, mounted upon a black horse, if horse it was; for it was huge and hideous, and its face was a frightful mask, more like a skull than a living head, and in the sockets of its eyes and in its nostrils there burned a flame.” OHOHOHO DUUUUUUUDE

NOBODY TOLD ME THAT THE HORSE OF THE MOUTH OF SAURON WAS THIS METAL BRUH

Aragorn: *has a staring contest with the Mouth of Sauron* The Mouth: “I CAME OUT HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND I’M HONESTLY FEELING SO ATTACKED RIGHT NOW”

“And there to the wonder and dismay of all the Captains [the Messenger] held up first the short sword that Sam had carried, and next a grey cloak with an elven-brooch, and last the coat of mithril-mail that Frodo had worn wrapped in his tattered garments.” aND A BROKEN PAIR OF EYEGLASSES HAHAHA F R I C K—

Gandalf: “Bring out the halfling, and we’ll consider your terms!” The Mouth: “👀 Umm…ahaha…about that…er, ah, FOOLS! HOW DARE YOU CHALLENGE SAURON!”

I love the fact that the Mouth of Sauron panics here 🤣🤣 HE DOESN’T HAVE FRODO!! SAM CAME AND GOT HIM AND THEY ESCAPED! LOLOL

Actually, if you look at his words carefully, you can tell that Sauron actually has no idea how bad he fumbled this. He speaks of ONE Halfling, not two. He speaks of a SPY, not a carrier of the Ring. He briefly panics when Gandalf demands to see Frodo as evidence. Don’t you think Sauron would take the chance to brag about it, if he’d gotten the Ring back from Frodo?? But he hasn’t!! The Halfling(s) slipped through his grasp! And he has NO IDEA how big of a cock-up this is!!! HAHAHAHAHA GET REKT DIAPER-BABY

But in the moment, we don’t have time to pick apart his words. In the moment, the tiny army of the Free Peoples is surrounded by an enemy host more than ten times their size. It is reasonable to assume that they are all about to die. Hoooolyyyy crap.

Pippin thinking these grim thoughts about the end of his life, noooo. “I might as well die quickly and get it over with. It’s all gone wrong.” And he thinks of Merry, and he thinks of Frodo, and “I wish I could see cool sunlight and green grass again!”, and AAAAAHHHHHHH—

AND HE STABS!! A TROLL!! TO SAVE BEREGOND’S LIFE!!! AND IT FALLS ON TOP OF HIM AND CRUSHES HIM AND I *SCREEECH*

*sobbing* The Eagles are coming! The E-eagles are comi-hi-hiiing!

“‘This is my tale, and it is ended now. Good-bye!’ And his thought fled far away and his eyes saw no more.”

SHUT UPPPPPPPPPP 😭😭😭

(I would just like to issue a formal note of gratitude to C. S. Lewis for not letting Tolkien HECKING KILL PIPPIN in this scene. You have done the Lord’s work, sir. We salute you.) EDIT: Sorry, this is an unconfirmed rumor started by the RotK movie trivia website. Should’ve checked my facts first. :-P More discussion can be found here.

[just-a-normalpersons]

Soulmates

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warning: Angst

AN: Soulmate AU in which your soulmates last words to you are written  on your wrist

You couldn’t stop staring at the words on your wrist. I love you. It seemed like the universe was trying to play a cruel joke on you. How could those be the last words you will ever hear your soulmate say. You had always been scared of commitment, but now you were absolutely terrified of love.

That was until you met her. She entered your life like a whirlwind of red, and you had no choice but to get swept up in it. The second Clint introduced you to the newest member of the Avengers, you knew you couldn’t escape your fate anymore.

No one had ever left an impression on you like Natasha Romanoff did. The first few weeks, you couldn’t seem to compose yourself around her, sending shifting glances all around the room whenever she would enter, shifting your weight from side to side and picking at your small silver watch.

Natasha being the world-class spy that she is, caught onto your nervousness quite quickly and made it her mission to give you more attention than the other Avengers, simply because she thought it was adorable how easily flustered and nervous you got around her.

Once you started to be more at ease around her, you started to know the red-headed assassin better, seeing sides of her that no one else did, which only made your feelings towards her grow.

After a few months, the two of you got send on a mission in Russia together. Everything went south quickly and the two of you ended up having to hide out in a small cabin in the middle of the forest, snowed in, with no way to get back to America. You spend most nights talking on a small brown leather sofa in front of the fireplace in the living room.

Natasha found a large bottle of vodka hidden away in the tiny corner cupboard in the kitchen, and one night when you both drank too much, one thing lead to another. When you woke up the next morning, Natasha still had her arms wrapped around your naked frame, and after that night the two of you officially started dating.

Now, 3 years later, you were hopelessly in love with her, which is why you were staring at the words on your wrist. You were still laying in bed, feeling Natasha’s hot breath on the back of your neck in a steady rhythm, indicating she was still asleep. All you could think about, was when it would end.

It could end any moment. Whenever she told you she loved you, you couldn’t help but feel your heart drop. Was this it? Was this the end? Is your time together up? All you could do was hope it wasn’t.

Because you were still deep in thought, you didn’t feel Natasha’s arms tightening around your waist, signifying that she was awake. You got snapped out of your thoughts when Nat quickly turned you around so that you were facing her now. You still weren’t used to how she looked in the morning. The messy red hair splayed around her face, her green eyes looking like they could stare into your soul.

She pressed her forehead against yours and pressed you closer towards her.

“Good morning baby, what has gotten you so deep in thought?”

“Good morning Nat. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it, I was just daydreaming a little bit.”

You respond before pecking her lips. Nat slowly slides her hand into your hair and pulls you closer again, giving you another small kiss.

You and Nat get brutally interrupted from your relaxed morning in bed when your phone starts to ring, displaying Steve’s contact information on the screen.

“Just leave it baby, it’s just Steve, he can wait. This is our only day off, and I just want to spend the day relaxing with you.”

Nat tells you while trying to distract you by kissing your neck. You let your phone go to voicemail, but within seconds Steve is calling you again.

You let out a deep sigh and roll out of Natasha’s embrace, sitting on the edge of your bed while answering the phone.

“Y/N. Where are you? I need you and Nat to come to the compound now. There is an emergency and I need the two of you for a mission. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t necessary. I’ll brief the two of you once you’re here.”

With that Steve hung up, leaving you slightly confused.

“What did he want? Please tell me he didn’t just ask if we could do a mission on our one free day.”

Natasha asked you while rolling her eyes. Slightly annoyed at Steve for ruining your day off.

“I’m sorry Nat, he said it was an emergency and that he would brief us on the mission once we arrive at the compound.”

Natasha sighed while getting out of bed. She knew that this was the life the two of you signed up for, but she was still annoyed that her day with you got ruined. At least you would still be able to spend it together, just not in the way she had planned originally.

After a quick fifteen-minute drive during which Natasha broke multiple speed limits, the two of you arrived at the compound and found Steve for the mission brief.

“Finally. I need the two of you to check on Wanda and Clint. They went to check out an abandoned Hydra base yesterday, but we lost all contact with them, and the last information they gave us was that the base wasn’t as abandoned as we thought, so I need the two of you to retrieve Wanda and Clint and if possible the information they were send to collect.”

You nodded, feeling slightly worried for your two friends and teammates, even though you knew they were perfectly capable of handling themselves.

“The quinjet is waiting for you on the roof, it’s ready to leave when you are.”

Natasha went over the details with Steve once again before she grabbed your hand and the two of you started to make your way to the roof. You knew she was worried about your friends as well, which is why you gave her hand a slight squeeze in an attempt to reassure them.

After a quick flight which seemed to take ages, you landed in the middle of the forest, 10 minutes away from the base so that no one saw the two of you arrive.

Natasha exited the jet first, walking in front of you, leading the way. Once you arrived at the base, it seemed abandoned at first, but with the information Steve gave you, it seemed very likely that there were still Hydra soldiers inside.

Natasha was the first one to find the entrance, and the two of you quickly made your way inside. After having walked around for half an hour, you still hadn’t encountered any Hydra agents and there was no sign of either Wanda or Clint, making you slightly nervous.

After having checked most doors and hallways, you suddenly heard noises coming from one of the rooms. Natasha and you sneaked up to the room, both getting ready to fight, until you clearly heard the voices from the room.

Natasha kicked the door open, catching an arrow right before it hit her in the face two seconds later.

“Is this the thanks we get for coming to save you? If so, I’m never doing it again.”

Natasha jokingly tells a shocked Clint and Wanda. You make your way inside as well, checking both of them for any injuries, and once you realise, they’re both fine, you all decide to get out of the building as soon as possible.

Everything went fine trying to get out of the building, it was almost too easy. You didn’t encounter anyone, and it looked like the base was actually abandoned, which was not the case according to Clint and Wanda.

The second you opened the door to get out of the building, you realised why. A small Hydra army was waiting for you, ready to attack. You all quickly ducked behind the trees, trying to get cover while taking on Hydra soldier after Hydra soldier.

You kept making more miles towards the jet, and at one point you actually thought you were going to make it. You could see Clint and Wanda take on about thirty soldiers, which was the only obstacle between them and the jet.

On your left, Natasha was fighting around 15 soldiers, just like you. You managed to take most of the soldiers down, however, when you quickly glanced at Natasha to see how she was getting on, you noticed one of the soldiers pulling a gun on her while she was fighting three others.

Without giving it a second thought, you launch yourself forward, pushing Natasha out of the way of the multiple bullets that got fired her way.

Natasha quickly takes care of the remaining Hydra agents, before looking your way. You can see the panic in her eyes before you feel the pain. Natasha comes running towards you at the same time your knees give out and you slump forwards, not being able to keep yourself upright any longer, and Natasha catcher you in her arms.

“Y/N! No! Why would you do that you idiot! Stay awake all right, we’re almost at the jet, you’re going to make it.”

You can feel Natasha picking you up, while the world around you is starting to blur and the things that stand out the most are Natasha’s red hair and green eyes, that are starting to tear up, only amplifying the colour.

You could feel your eyes starting to close, the blood loss becoming too much. You vaguely hear Nat shouting towards Clint and Wanda to get the jet ready so that she can try to save you.

“Y/N! Open your eyes baby. Please, open your eyes. Listen to my voice alright. You’re going to make it out. This is not the end. I’m getting you out of here. Just stay awake for me okay? Please baby, please. I need you to stay awake. Don’t leave me please.”

You wanted to respond to her, but you just couldn’t do it. You could hear a ringing in your ears, and you could faintly feel Natasha press her hands on the wounds in your abdomen trying to stop the bleeding.

The ringing in your ears got louder, and Natasha’s voice started to fade. You could feel yourself slipping away and the last thing you heard before everything turned black was Natasha’s voice, filled with fear.

“….. Please baby, please. Don’t leave me. I love you.”

[jungshookz]

cream a little dream of me; knj

➺ pairing; kim namjoon x reader

➺ genre; lveb!universe, you’ve been asking for this and i’m finally here to tell you that this is smut! nsfw! 18+! oral sex (receiving)! dirty talk! namjoon has a dirty mouth and y/n is into that!! y/n’s a great listener and namjoon is very into that!! also frosting is involved somewhere 

➺ wordcount: 8.9k

➺ summary; y/n has a wet dream about namjoon and yoongi just wants to help his best friend get laid. 

➺ what to expect; “it’s not a big deal or anything, but, uh... when were you planning on telling me about that nice little dream you had two weeks ago?”

➺ optional reading: here’s the link to la vie en bonsai if you haven’t read it yet or if you just want to experience the story all over again! 

                                      »»————-　☁️　————-««

to say the least, yoongi is… confused.

in the three years that he’s been friends with you, he likes to think that he’s seen every single one of your emotions

but this?

this is different somehow… yet he can’t quite put his finger on what’s so different about it... 

he’s seen elated y/n

he’s seen devastated y/n

he’s seen infuriated y/n

he’s seen stressed out y/n

but this y/n?

the starry-eyed and constantly looking like you’re day dreaming y/n?

he can safely say he’s never seen this version of you before and it’s a little concerning because now he has no idea what the protocol is 

even back when you guys were in university you practically never daydreamed during lectures

you were always focused on the professor and whatever powerpoint was playing on the screen with a concerning amount of intensity 

one time, yoongi put his hand over your eyes just to be funny and you nearly snapped his wrist off

“okay, seriously?” yoongi waves his hand in front of your face for the fifth time in half an hour before shaking his head gently, “what’s gotten into you?”

you blink quickly when you snap out of your little daze, looking at him and setting the bowl of batter down on the counter before checking out the damage you’ve done

you’re supposed to fold this batter

not whIP it

now it’s ruined and you’re going to have to start all over!

“i don’t know what that batter ever did to you, but you might need to take it down a notch before you sprain your wrist…” yoongi trails off, leaning over a little and wondering if he can get away with dipping his finger in for a teeny tiny taste

sure, he might get salmonella or whatever from ingesting raw eggs, but it’ll be worth it 

“also, what are you even making?” he frowns, gesturing to all the items splayed on the counter, “because there are like ten different things going on here-”

you look around the kitchen before reaching up to scratch the back of your neck

you... don’t really have an answer for him 

there’s bread dough over here 

three bowls of frosting (chocolate, cream cheese, buttercream) over there

some chopped up peaches on the cutting board

the puff pastry is de-frosting in the fridge

there’s a pie baking in the oven at the moment

you just finished greasing up a mini cupcake tin

and don’t forget about the bowl of batter you’re currently whipping the life out of

(let the record show that you have no idea what you’re making. you have no clue what this batter is for. and why’d you take out your set of food-colouring dye??) 

you just needed to let off some steam and this is the only way you know hoW

“isn’t this great? working out in the comfort of my own personal gym…”

both you and yoongi look over towards the kitchen door when you hear jin’s voice ring through namjoon’s laptop from the living room

yoongi perks up in interest when you suddenly scurry over to spy at namjoon through the crack of the door before he gets up to follow you 

“yeah, easy for you to say-” namjoon grunts as he pushes himself up off the ground so he can clap his hands together quickly before his palms land back on the ground in a solid thump

he thought push-ups were already awful as is so he wasn’t very pleased when jin told him to start doing them with claps in between each set

also, jin has access to a full-blown gym in his house, but namjoon doesn’t have any access to actual weights so he’s had to resort to using jugs of water instead

it’s actually working out pretty well!

he took the sweeper part of the broom off and then used a lot of duct tape (and patience) to tape the jugs to both sides of the pole

he felt like he was mulan from that one part of the movie except mulan is probably physically stronger than him 

“you know, i’m surprised he hasn’t smashed his face against the floor yet...” yoongi snorts as he continues to peer at namjoon over your shoulder

he waits a couple seconds for you to respond but frowns when you let out a short little sigh while keeping your eyes glued on your sweaty boyfriend

...

see?!

you’re doing it again!!!!  

you have your bottom lip tucked in between your teeth and your eyes have gone all lidded and hazy

your grip around the edge of the door is really tight and your knuckles are going kind of white 

good god

yoongi narrows his eyes suspiciously before jabbing your shoulder roughly, “hey. what are you thinking about?”

you shake your head a little too quickly for his liking before turning back around and brushing past him to get back to the counter

huh

okay

something’s up for sure

he doesn’t know if it’s good or bad or whatever but he’s going to find out

your cheeks and the tips of your ears are a little flushed now which is even more interesting

what could possibly be going on in that little noggin of yours?

“tell me what you were thinking about.” yoongi sits back down on the stool as he stares you down across the counter, “y/n- look at me.”

“i’m not-” you glance up at yoongi for a quick second before looking back down, “nothing!” you mutter, your arm starting to move faster as you continue whipping the mystery batter 

yoongi immediately points to the ball of dough sitting a couple feet away from him, “tell me what you were thinking about or i’ll eat that ball of raw dough right noW-”

“-!” you set the bowl down before scrambling to move the dough out of yoongi’s reach

he’s eaten raw dough before (it was raw cookie dough and he took bites of it every time you turned to face away from him) which resulted in him suffering for like 48 hours and you’re not taking any chances

“you can’t keep secrets from me.” yoongi deadpans, “aren’t we best friends? don’t you trust me?” he bats his lashes at you before pushing his bottom lip out in a pout, “because i certainly trust you… and you, out of all people, should know how hard it is for me to trust someone…”

your eye twitches 

you know he’s only saying all of this to butter you up so that you’ll inevitably give in and tell him what’s going on... and you hate that it’s actually working... 

look at that face!

those cheeks!!!

those eyes!!!!

“i…” you trail off, biting the inside of your cheek as you contemplate whether it’s a good idea or not to tell yoongi what exactly’s been going on with you lately 

if you tell him, he’ll stop bugging you about it

then again, if you tell him, he might keep bugging you about it 

but he’s already suspicious of you so it seems like you don’t really have a choice...

this is really a lose-lose situation, if you think about it 

...damn. 

“hey, do you remember that time you were crying really hard and i made you feel better by telling you that i kind of sort of loved you...?” yoongi mentions casually while inspecting his nail beds, his eyes flickering up towards your face for a quick second to see your reaction 

he bites back a smirk of success when he hears you let out a sigh 

ha HA 

hook, line, and sinker bABY 

“okay, fine, but-” you slam the bowl down on the counter before placing your hands on your hips, ”it’s a secret. between us!” you gesture for him to come over to you

“god, finally-!” yoongi nods enthusiastically and hops off the stool before scurrying over to join you at the other side of the counter

you lift your hand up so the side of your mouth is covered and yoongi reaches up to wrap his fingers around your wrist, grinning excitedly as you whisper something into his ear 

…

…

…

yoongi’s jaw drops

holy shit

no wonder he hasn’t seen you act like this before! 

this isn’t elated y/n or disappointed y/n or excited y/n 

a new player has entered the ring

this is HORNY Y/N

“you… little… horndog!” yoongi cackles with glee as he claps his hands together wildly, “you, y/n y/l/n- you had a wet dream?!” 

you feel your anxiety spike at how loud yoongi’s being and you make a gesture to try to get him to use his inside voice but he doesn’t seem to be paying any attention to you at all right now 

“wow...” yoongi laughs lightly, crossing his arms as he looks up towards the ceiling, “i mean, welcome to puberty, i guess. a bit of a late start if you ask me, but either way i’m actually pretty proud of you for basically creaming your-”

“shh!” you quickly shove a spoon into yoongi’s mouth and he spits it out immediately

it falls onto the counter with a clang

to be honest, you actually don’t remember too much of the dream

flashes of namjoon’s head in between your legs and his strong arms wrapped around your thighs pinning you down pop into your mind every now and again to taunt you

but other than that

nothing!

it’s just that joon’s been working out a lot lately (jin’s trying to get in better shape because of one photo where the shadow made it look like he had a double chin and it traumatised him) so it makes sense that he’s turning into an actual beefcake now 

the other day you accidentally busted a bag of icing in your hands after squeezing it too hard because you were watching namjoon doing bicep curls with the milk jugs 

his arms just….,,. 

you want to bite into them

or dig your nails into them

or just look at them!

you would be perfectly content with just staring at them 24/7!

now, the issue here is that you...

you don’t really know…

you don’t know how to initiate things with namjoon

it’s awkward!

…on your end, that is

since getting together, you and namjoon have had plenty of heated make-out (and slight groping) sessions but you always end up chickening out as soon as you feel things starting to escalate 

you just get nervous that you’re going to do something wrong and it’ll pop the love-bubble you guys are in right now!! 

and you really don’t want to pop anything!! 

and namjoon, being the sweet, kind, caring, considerate, wonderful, absolutely flawless boy he is, never has an issue with it because his number one priority is making sure that you’re comfortable

he’s totally okay with moving at your pace! 

but after the last couple of times where you’ve left him high and dry, you notice that he either a) puts a pillow over his lap almost immediately and tries to change the subject or b) waddles off to the bathroom for a ‘pee break’

you feel awful knowing that you’re blue-balling him but you don’t want to take things further if there’s even a slight possibility of you ruining things 

so... yeah! 

your only stress reliever has been baking which isn’t new

you’ve stress baked before but this is a nEW type of stress baking

this is the most chaotic level of stress baking there is because everything’s just a disorganised MESS  

“you know what, it actually makes sense now,” yoongi reaches up to stroke his chin in thought before nodding to himself, “you’ve been acting so weird lately that i thought i did something wrong- and it turns out you’ve just been excruciatingly horny this entire time-”

“lower your voice!” you hiss, hurrying over to the door to make sure namjoon’s not listening in to what should be a private conversation if yoongi wasn’t so damn loud 

he may be in the living room but who knows how far your voices can travel??

you peek out to look at poor namjoon who looks like he’s just about ready to pass ouT from exhaustion

he lets out an almost animalistic growl as he pushes himself up off the ground one last time and you feel a tingle in your southern region

if you were a cartoon character there would be gigantic hearts pumping out of your eyes, your tongue would roll out of your mouth like a red carpet, and a horn would be blasting aooga in the background 

“okay, well - you can’t not tell me about what happened in it.” you turn back around to face yoongi, “give me all the details!!!!” he wiggles his brows as he leans down and folds him arms atop the counter, “and get real nasty with it because i haven’t had sex in months-” 

“no way!” you scoff before crossing one arm over the other to make an ‘x’ sign at yoongi, “no! i don’t remember anything.”

“you’re lying to me.” the smile on yoongi’s face drops and he scowls at you, “you totally are!”

“am not! it’s true.” you chirp, nodding satisfactorily when yoongi doesn’t respond

good 

the topic has been dropped and now you can focus your attention back on this weird, runny batter you’re still beating the life out of 

“...what about if i guess?”

you pause

oh

oh no

you don’t like that idea at all

you don’t get a chance to shake your head nO before yoongi starts listing out all your possible wet-dream scenarios

“he was finger-fucking you.”

“you were sucking him off?”

“he was eating you out!”

“69? you on top? or was it him on top? …no, it was probably you on to-”

“a classy combination of tongue and fingers? ooh, quick question- how quickly did dreamjoon find your g-spo-”

“missionary! can’t go wrong with good ol’ fashioned missio-”

“doggystyle? cowgirl! reverse cowgirl? or was he kind of, like, spooning you from behi-”

“ooh! plot twist! you gave him the strap-”

“butt-stuff! butt-stuff?? butt-stuff but the plug had a tail on- oh-ho, it was butt-stuff, wasn’t it-”

“something with a belt? something with cuffs? something with leather?”

“roleplaying! he was a sexy gardener with a big ol’ hose and you were just an innocent wittle twree-”

“was he rawdogging you?”

your eyes immediately widen and you look up at yoongi for the first time since he started rambling, “wha- WHAT is that?!”

rawdogging??

that sounds like it’d give you carpet burn for some reason 

“sex without a condom.” yoongi states as if it’s the most obvious fact in the entire world, “duh.”

god

boys are so

boyish!!!!

“why not just say that instead??” you ask incredulously, tilting your head

yoongi snorts, “well, because rawdogging sounds way hotter-”

your face screws up immediately, “does it really, though…?”

yoongi pauses before his face lights up, “aha! so dreamjoon WAS rawdogging y-”

“crude!” your entire face is bright red at this point and you hurry over to the fridge to grab a bag of frozen blueberries out of the freezer (for what purposes? you have no idea.)

“you think i’m being crude?” yoongi scoffs, “i think you’re being a prude. okay, lemme see what else i can think of-”

“yoongi, literally no one asked you to list-” 

“were you grinding on his-” yoongi pauses again, “you know, like dry humping?” he hums before pushing himself up off the counter and placing both his palms flat on the surface of it, “i mean, i guess i can see why that’d be hot, you know, with clothes being restrictive and all- oh! were you getting off on his thigh? because a couple of girls have done that to me before and it was actually pretty hot AND since namjoon’s dna consists of 80% plant he basically has tree trunk thighs-”

“okay, i don’t remember too much-” you grab yoongi by the arm to yank him back in so you can whisper in his ear again

yoongi listens attentively 

…

…

…

you clear your throat before shoving yoongi away to make it seem less suspicious if namjoon just so happens to come into the kitchen at this very moment 

“surprisingly simple, but it does the trick, that’s for sure…” yoongi hums as he strokes his chin thoughtfully, “damn. i hyped it up way too much. that’s actually a pretty boring dream compared to what i’ve dreamt about, now that i think about it-”

you can’t help but roll your eyes as you open up the bag of blueberries

…what did you pull these out for again?

“well, what’s the problem?” yoongi frowns, “you guys are already dating. just go up to him and ask him if he wants to do stuff. if a girl told me that she creamed her panties because of me, i’d be ecstatic!”

“stop saying it like that-”

you feel a little weird talking about this with yoongi

he’s always been comfortable telling you about his sex life but you prefer to keep your intimate details private

it’s not that you don’t trust him or anything, because obviously you do, but… you’d feel more comfortable if you talked about this with a girl-friend, you know?

guys just don’t understand! 

“i don’t know how to…” you shift in your spot, “ask.”

yoongi scoffs in response and crosses his arms, “y/n- namjoon is a man. men are simple. do you remember the other week when you invited me over for a breakfast and you dropped the spatula on the floor?”

you nod before tilting your head curiously, “…why?”

yoongi clears his throat

now he’S the one who looks slightly uncomfortable

“well...” he clears his throat, “namjoon was wearing sweats and i swear i wasn’t purposely looking- my eyes just happened to be looking downwards in that general direction naturally-”

“yoongi-”

“the man’s dick twitched in his sweats when you bent over, alright?” yoongi blurts out and your eyes immediately widen, “my point is: men are simple- painfully simple creatures. so... just ask him!”

you frown

just ask him??

was he even listening to you??

you just told yoongi you didn’t know how to ask namjoon and his advice was for you to ask namjoon

that’s like taking someone who doesn’t know how to swim and immediately tossing them into the OCEAN with a punctured life-ring

“god,” you roll your eyes before flicking your wrist at him, “just forget i told you!”

“hey!” yoongi gawks and shakes his head, “i can’t forget! now my only purpose in life is to get you some head-”

“jesus christ-!”

you jump ten feet into the air like a cat that’s just been sprayed by water when the kitchen door suddenly swings open and a sweaty namjoon stumbles in

“i think there’s sweat dripping into my contacts-”

“namjoon!” yoongi spins around in his stool and props his elbows up on the counter, “what a coincidence! we were just talking about you, my man…”

yoongi looks over at you with a cheeky grin and you shake your head stiffly before turning to get the jug of water from the fridge for namjoon 

“oh yeah?” namjoon huffs as he places his hands on your hips from behind, sliding past you to grab a clean glass from the dish rack, “what about?”

“just about how…” yoongi looks back at you quickly and you shoot him a glare

he wouldn’t… 

would he??

(he absolutely would.)

any word of your conversation and you’ll skin him alive

“-hard you’ve been working out lately!” yoongi chirps, “i mean, it looks like you were trapped in a washing machine-”

“oh, god. trust me, it’s so not worth it, i’m in so much pain-” namjoon winces and shakes his head, “you’re welcome to go and take my place if you want-”

“absolutely not-” yoongi snorts, “first of all, it’s the holidays, and everyone knows you don’t work out during december. also, you couldn’t pay me a million dollars to do a push-up. i’m perfectly happy with my somewhat doughy centre.” he pats his tummy with a happy hum and you can’t help but giggle

silly boy

namjoon laughs lightly before pausing to chug down some water, “i wish i could say the same. unfortunately, jin’s not giving me a choice-”

“sweaty!” you whine when namjoon suddenly wraps an arm around you from behind before kissing your cheek and he frowns playfully when you swat at his forearm, “and sticky…”  

“relax, i’m about to hit the shower-” he nudges his nose against your cheek before pulling away, “and then i won’t be sticky and i’ll smell like peaches-”

“i should probably go, too.” yoongi gets up from his seat, “i just ordered my dinner and it’s going to arrive at my apartment in like half an hour.”

“wait!” you hold a finger out before turning to open up the cupboards for a tupperware box, “take some pie with you…”

                                     »»————-　☁️　————-««

“still coming friday?” you ask as you watch yoongi put his shoes on

you asked yoongi if he would be interested in helping you decorate the apartment on friday (aka you told him he didn’t have a choice and that he had to come and help you whether he wanted to or not)

“mhm.” he glances up at you, “still ordering pizza?”

“mhm.”

you reach down to pat the top of yoongi’s head gently just because you want to and pauses in the middle of tying his laces to reach over and jab your stomach

“i know the main focus is decorating the place for christmas but i think you guys are going to love the nature documentary i picked for us to watch while-” namjoon chimes in but shuts up quickly when you and yoongi exchange knowing glances, “what?”

yoongi looks back up at you with a raised brow, “…does he really have to join us?”

“no choice.” you shrug casually and namjoon’s jaw drops

wha-

“oh, hold on-” yoongi gets up off the ground before patting his pockets down with a frown, “i think i left my keys in the kitchen… can you go and get them for me?”

you nod before turning to hurry to the kitchen

you don’t want him to get another parking ticket

it’s only after you disappear into the kitchen that yoongi swiftly pulls his keys out of his back pocket with a jingle

namjoon opens his mouth to say something but yoongi quickly holds his hand out to shut him up

“야 남준아- 어제 니 여친이 니 꿈 꿨데~ (y/n had a sex dream about you).” he chirps and gives namjoon two firm pats on his surprisingly firm chest before his eyes widen in surprise, “어우 딴딴해 운동 열심히 했나보네! (woah, you really have been working out! good man.)”

“yeah, i-” namjoon chokes, “wait, wha-”

“y/n, i found my keys! my bad!” yoongi calls out and gives you a thumbs up when you come out of the kitchen, “see you losers on friday!”

he gives namjoon a grin and a light punch to the arm before swiftly turning on his heel

namjoon’s eyes are as wide as saucers as yoongi shuts the front door behind him and he blinks rapidly before turning to look at you

you tilt your head at him curiously and namjoon swallows before offering you a sheepish smile

oh, boy.

                                     »»————-　☁️　————-««

namjoon hasn’t been able to think straight since it was revealed to him that you had a sex dream about him.

it’s been an entire week that he’s learned this new piece of information and it’s been weighing verY heavily on his mind!!

when he wakes up his first thought is gee i wonder what y/n dreamt about

when seokjin’s rambling about god knows what the only thing in his mind is gee i wonder what y/n dreamt about

the last thing he thinks about before he goes to bed is gee i wonder what y/n dreamt about

and then his imagination conjures up what could’ve happened in your sex dream which is very dangerous because he has an overly-active imagination 

it sucks that he doesn’t even know the details of the dream because stinky yoongi ziPPed off before he got a chance to squeeze the truth out of him!!!

and he hasn’t mustered up the courage to ask you about it because… how is he even supposed to ask you about it in a casual, non-confrontational way?!

he doesn’t want to embarrass you or anything like that!!

the only reason why he’s only slightly nervous about the whole situation because he doesn’t think he… oozes sex appeal?

so it was more than surprising to find out that you had a naughty dream about him

he’s like 90% leg and 10% dimple for crying out loud

and it’s not like he hasn’t done anything before, because he has, but it’s just different because it’s… you.

you’re his girlfriend and if he flubs this up the first time around then it’d be even more embarrassing than if you were just some random girl!

“말해줘여어 (you have to tell me).” namjoon whips around from where he’s standing by the tree, cradling the box of baubles to his chest, “you have to!”

“싫어 (nah).” yoongi shakes his head, tossing a kernel of popcorn into his mouth only for it to bounce off his cheek and onto the couch

he purses his lips before kicking it under the coffee table

it’s fine

the dust bunnies will get rid of it 

“말해줘여어! (you have to tell me!)”

“야 안돼 (no way).”  

namjoon clenches his jaw and sets the box down onto the floor promptly before balling his hands into fists and setting them on his hips, puffing his chest out

...

“아 왜여어어어~ (why not??)” he whines, deflating and resisting the urge to stamp his foot and throw an actual tantrum

“아니 비밀이라고 했으니까 그렇지! (it’s not my thing to tell! and i can’t betray y/n like that-)” yoongi shrugs as he keeps his eyes glued on the screen, “by the way, you didn’t even choose a cool nature documentary. what are we even watching?? the guy’s been talking about seaweed for the past ten minutes-”

“what do you mean it’s not your thing to tell??” namjoon scoffs, not even paying attention to the fact that yoongi just insulted his favourite nature documentary about plants in the ocean, “형이 먼저 말 꺼냈잖아! (you were the one who told me that she dreamt about me in the first place-!)” he snaps

“잠깐만 (wait, wait-)” yoongi sits up quickly, a couple kernels of popcorn rolling off his chest and falling onto his lap, “일주일이 지났는데 아무것도 안 했단 말이야?? (are you telling me that you… it’s been a whole week and you haven’t done anything about it??)”

namjoon shrinks down before reaching up to scratch the back of his neck, “노 코멘트 (…no comment.)”

“킄 정말��? (really? wow.)” yoongi snorts before shaking his head and leaning back against the couch, “both of you- i mean, both of you deserve each other, seriously-”

namjoon resists the urge to flop down on the couch dramatically, “아니 뭐라고 말하는 거예요 (well, i’m sorry, what am i even supposed to say-)”

“아우 그러지좀마 걍- (you don’t have to say anything, all you have to do is-)”

“yoongi!” namjoon and yoongi look over when you stick your head out around the kitchen door, “cream cheese or vanilla?”

“vanilla, duh.” yoongi raises a brow

you should know by this point that he prefers vanilla frosting over cream cheese!

halfway through the documentary you decided that you were going to make a carrot cake

(and yes, part of the reason why you made that decision was because you were bored of the documentary and wanted to do literally anything else, but you’ll never admit that to namjoon in case it breaks his heart)

namjoon stays quiet until after you disappear into the kitchen again and then he turns to face yoongi with both of his hands clasped together, “말해줘요오! (you have to tell me, c’mon!)”

“말해주면 제발 다른 거 보면 안 될까? (if i tell you, can we watch something else?)”

namjoon scowls

“아 됐어요 도와줄 거라도 있는지 확인 해볼게요- (fine, forget it. i’m gonna go see if y/n needs any help.)” he steps over the boxes of decorations on the ground before turning to look back at yoongi, “부엌에서 필요한 거 있어요? (you need anything?)”

“아니 (nah.)” yoongi responds before shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth, “oh! actually, see if y/n would be willing to make little carrot cupcakes instead of a whole carrot cake. holding a tiny little cupcake in my hand makes me feel like a giant.”

                                     »»————-　☁️　————-««

“knock, knock…” namjoon knocks on the kitchen door quietly before pushing it open, “everything going okay in here?”  

he smiles when you look up from the bowl and beam at him, “hi!”

“hi-” he comes in and shuts the door behind him, “you need any help?”

“help? from you?” you giggle lightly and shake your head, “i’m good.”

ever since he accidentally poured salt into your batter that one time he hasn’t been allowed to help you

:-//

“yoongi changed his mind, by the way.” namjoon gestures back to the direction of the living room, “king min would like cupcakes now.” 

your shoulders immediately droop and you gesture to the already greased cake-pans sitting on the side

what a waste! 

“hey, don’t shoot the messenger!” namjoon raises both his hands in defence before shrugging, “the man wants what he wants.”

you resist the urge to go out there just to throw the cake pans at yoongi

you’re definitely going to force him to wash everything for you later 

“also... you’re just doing this to get out of watching the nature doc, aren’t you?” namjoon wraps both his arms around you from behind and leans down to prop his chin up on your shoulder

you could’ve helped with the decorating, but somehow everything looks better when namjoon does it 

he hung a big red bow on your front door and it looks great! 

you pause in the middle of shredding carrots before letting out a nervous chuckle, “whaaat? no...”

“it’s about the types of plants in the ocean!” namjoon points out, “is that not cool?? plants are cool.”

you shake your head no almost immediately 

not cool

two and a half hours of someone talking about grass that lives in salty water?

not cool at aLL

“how’s the decorating going?” you ask, giggling lightly when namjoon nudges his nose under your jaw before planting a kiss against your neck

“it’s going fine… yoongi isn’t helping, obviously. i handed him one bauble to hang and he hooked it on the collar of his hoodie and told me he’d do it later.”

“mm.”

a brief moment passes where the only sound that can be heard is the carrot you’re shredding against the grater

namjoon purses his lips as he thinks about what yoongi just said to him 

...

ah

fuck it

“hey, can i ask you something?” namjoon sighs, smiling in delight when you suddenly turn your head to press a sweet little kiss into his cheek

“mhm!” you turn back, continuing to grate away

“it’s not a big deal or anything, but, uh... when were you planning on telling me about that nice little dream you had two weeks ago?” namjoon asks cockily, biting back a grin when he feels you freeze in his arms 

it’s at this moment that the fact that you had a wet dream about him has finally sunk into the depths of his brain and now he’s actually feeling... really good about it 

you had a sex dream about him

what’s not to love?  

he can almost hear the alarms wailing in your head

and now that he’s got the ball rolling- he’s not as nervous as he thought he’d be!

as a matter of fact... this could be fun.

“w-” you clear your throat quietly and the half-shredded carrot drops into the metal bowl with a muted plunk, “i- what dream? i didn’t have a dream about you.”

he knows you’re trying to play it cool but he can see how tightly you’re gripping the grater and he can feel your ears getting hotter against his cheek 

“i never said the dream was about me.”

oh, shit

you messed up

“so...?” namjoon moves your hair to the other side before leaning in to plant a warm kiss under your jaw, “this dream that you had… about me. tell me what happened in it.”

you swallow thickly, the gears working overtime in your brain as you try to come up with some kind of an excuse to get yourself out of this situation

you know that now isn’t the most appropriate moment to be thinking about this but you’re 100% going to slaughter yoongi the moment you get a chance to 

the secret ingredient to make these cupcakes taste good will not be love

it will be BLEACH 

you can’t believe he ratted you out like that!!

how embarrassing!!

“you were-” you cough, “um, you were… you… we…”

oh boy

this is already a train wreck

this is exactly why you didn’t want to tell namjoon about it!

because you know yourself and you knEW you were going to get all flustered and twitchy bringing it up

“well, i was-” you pause, “i was sitting on- sitting on the counter-”

“this one right here?” namjoon’s hand leaves your waist to pat the surface of the counter lightly and you nod gingerly, staring down at his obscenely pretty fingers, “what else?”

“that was it.” you blurt out, “the end!”

namjoon steps back a little and spins you around quickly before pressing you up against the counter, “what else, y/n?”

he traps you in between his arms and you fight the urge to explode into a million bits 

oh god

okay

just tell him!

just SAY it

it’s time to get it over with!!

“you were…” your eyes flicker downwards and your nose scrunches slightly

you really don’t want to say it but you don’t think you can back out at this point because you’ve already said too much 

“…eating me out.” you force out before averting your gaze and looking off to the side  

you really wish there was a better way to say that because the phrase eating me out just sounds so… in your face, you know?

namjoon swallows thickly

so you had a dream about him eating you out?

“y/n, there’s really nothing to be embarrassed about, i promise-” namjoon laughs lightly when he notices your entire face starting to go red

you let out a particularly pathetic whine before leaning your forehead against his chest and gently shoving at his (firm) abdomen

“what’s the problem?” he asks, rubbing comforting circles into your back, “i think about you, you know.”

“you’re just saying that…” you mumble, reaching up to pinch the bridge of your nose, “you’re lying...” 

“no, i’m serious!” namjoon pulls away to look at you, “i… i think about you. i think about things.”

you blink twice 

he thinks about you

he thinks about things 

he thinks about you?

he thinks about things?? 

…what kind of things does he think about?

“y-you do?” 

“of course i do.��

“oh.”

a moment of silence ticks by 

“i think about a lot of things, y/n.”

“like what?” you look up at him, the corner of namjoon’s pretty mouth curling upwards

“you really wanna know?”

“yes.” you respond a little too quickly before clearing your throat quietly, “…please.”

“hm.” he smiles, “as polite as always-” 

you gasp in surprise when namjoon suddenly lifts you up and plops you down on the countertop in one swift movement and your stomach flutters at how effortlessly he just did that

wowie

he places both hands flat on the surface on either side of you before looking up at you with his head tilted slightly

you keep your hands folded in your lap, nervously picking at the worn edges of the sweatshirt you’re wearing (it’s namjoon’s coffee-coloured sweatshirt that you ‘borrowed’ from him) 

“mostly about fucking you into the headboard.” namjoon confesses, a smirk twitching at the corner of his mouth when he notices the way your eyes flicker

oh

you definitely seemed to like that idea

“i think about your fingers pulling at my hair when i have my face in between your legs...” he hums, trailing a finger up from your kneecap to your thigh, “i think about how pretty you’d look bent over the counter for me. i think about the sounds you’d make, how soft your moans and gasps would be… i especially like thinking about you moaning my name. i think about you riding me wearing nothing but that cute little apron of yours - you know, the one with the little honeybees on them?”

“apron’s in the.. in the washing machine.” your breathing’s become a bit more shallow and you haven’t blinked in nearly a minute so it’s safe to say that he has your attention

“you know… i think you know what you do to me when you walk around wearing nothing but one of my sweatshirts and a pair of panties, or when you come out of the shower wrapped in a little towel because you ‘forgot’ your clothes in the bedroom…” namjoon murmurs lowly, “and don’t think i don’t notice the way you look at me whenever you suck frosting off your fingers.”

“frosting?” you whisper, namjoon nodding as his eyes flicker down to your lips briefly

your tongue pokes out to swipe over your bottom lip for a split second 

“that’s right.” the metal bowl scrapes against the counter as namjoon drags it over and you jump in surprise at the feeling of the chilled metal bumping up against your bare thigh

“you think you’re so innocent, don’t you?” namjoon chuckles lowly, lifting the spatula up before swiping some frosting off of it with the side of his thumb, “you think i don’t know what you’re up to?”

“i don’t…” you trail off, going cross-eyed when namjoon’s hand comes closer only for his pointer finger to tap at your bottom lip

“you do. open.”

you’re just a little thrown off because namjoon’s never... you’ve never seen him like this before

he’s never spoken to you like this before

he’s never looked at you like this before 

you’re certainly not complaining, of course 

“you taunt me because you like to-” you can’t seem to break away from namjoon’s gaze, the side of his pointer finger hooking underneath your chin as he pushes his thumb into your mouth, “i know you do it on purpose.”

almost immediately, the taste of sweet vanilla frosting washes over your palette

“you want me to think about you, don’t you?” namjoon swallows a groan when you start sucking, your cheeks hollowing slightly as your tongue swirls around his thumb to make sure no frosting gets left behind, “you like the thought of that? like leaving me high and dry because it forces me to use my own imagination?”

(admittedly, yes. a little part of you likes the thought of you completely consuming every corner of namjoon’s mind... just a little part, though.)

you nod slowly in response with glazed over eyes and namjoon clenches his jaw 

fuck

he flattens his thumb down on your tongue to get you to open your mouth a little more for him and hums contently when you do so obediently

a thin line of spit stretches from your tongue to namjoon’s slick thumb as he pulls his hand away and you don’t even get a chance to register whatever that moment was before he’s leaning forward to slant his mouth over yours

namjoon kisses you purposefully, pulling you closer to him as you fist at his shirt tightly 

he savours the faint sweetness of the frosting left behind on your tongue and can’t help but smile when he hears you whimper

“can i tell you something?” namjoon pulls away only to start sponging kisses to your neck and you tilt your head to the side for him

“uh-huh, y-yeah-” you nod quickly, slinging an arm around his neck to keep him close while the other hand grips at his shoulder

your eyes roll to the back of your head for a split second and you can’t help but quietly mouth an ‘oh my god’ to yourself because you never knew it could feel this good to have your neck kissed

“i think it’s hot as fuck that you had a wet dream about me,” namjoon groans lowly and you immediately feel a zing! of electricity travel straight down south from the sound of him speaking to you in such a deep, gravelly voice, “and you definitely don’t have to be shy about asking me to touch you… because i’m very willing to do so.”

“i want you to- w-want you to touch me-” you stutter, feeling your cheeks warm from hearing those words come out of your mouth, “want it so bad-”

your eyes pop open when namjoon suddenly pulls away and you frown, instantly missing the feeling of him being pressed up so tightly against you

“lift your hips-” namjoon pushes the bowl of frosting to the side before tapping two fingers on your upper thigh, “-up off the counter.”

?

your brows knit together in confusion

why would you-

your eyes widen in realisation when it dawns on you what exactly is happening here

“w-what-” you glance at the (for the most part, closed) kitchen door frantically before looking down at joon, “but yoongi’s in the-” you turn back and jump in surprise when you see that namjoon’s face is right in front of yours

you’re practically nose to nose with him

“i know.” namjoon leans in to give you a quick peck before pulling away with a particularly smug grin, “so you’re just going to have to stay quiet for me then, aren’t you?”

you WHAT

“why don’t we get these off, hm?” namjoon hooks a finger into the waistband of your shorts and gives it a gentle tug

you look at the door once again and then back at namjoon, who offers you an innocent little smile as if he didn’t just suggest going down on you on the kitchen counter with your friend in the room next door

okay

think about this!

think about this with your logical brain and not your bonk horny brain

would you rather see your very hot boyfriend’s face in between your legs or would you rather send him away so you can continue making a cake for your very picky friend?

…

you plant both palms on the counter before raising your hips a little, namjoon grinning in victory before yanking your shorts down in one go

if you would’ve known this was going to happen today you definitely would’ve worn a sexier pair of panties

white cotton is boring!!!

also you know this is the wrong time to be thinking this but you’re wondering if it would be possible to rope yoongi into a shopping spree at victoria’s secret next week because you’re going to need better looking panties if namjoon’s going to keep springing these spontaneous sessions on you

“cute.” namjoon hums, poking at the little blue bow that sits at the centre of the waistband

your breathing stills as he slowly lowers himself to his knees in front of you and you feel like your heart is about to beat out of your chest at the sight alone 

“soaked right through…” namjoon observes quietly, turning his head to press a kiss to the pillowy flesh of your inner thigh, “i’ve barely touched you, baby.”

you jolt in surprise when he runs his thumb slowly up your slit through the thinned fabric of your panties, though he stops right as he’s about to reach your clit

so close yet so, so painfully far

you nudge him with your foot, “you’re teasing.” you swallow thickly, namjoon offering you a boyish grin as he tilts his head, pushing his bottom lip out in a mocking pout

“aw… am i?” he coos, and you shiver when he leans in to press a kiss over your clothed clit, “i’m sorry, darling… that must be so hard for you…”

“and you’re being mean.” you murmur, namjoon chuckling to himself as he pulls your panties down your legs

“am not.”

“are too.”

“am not.” namjoon perks a brow, pushing your thighs apart gently, “take it back.”

“no wa-!” your back immediately straightens as if a jolt of electricity just shot straight up your spine at the first feeling of namjoon licking one long stripe up your centre, and you fight back the urge to snap your legs shut

that’s.,., new!

very new

very new feeling

you’re certainly not against it and it’s not a bad feeling 

it’s just…

new

“good?” your breath wavers when namjoon hums against you, your eyelids fluttering shut at the feeling of his tongue slowly pressing in deep, “hm?”

namjoon slips his tongue in between your folds before sliding it flat and straight up to your swollen clit, grinning to himself when you finally give in to pleasure and lie back on the counter

you whimper, rolling your hips down towards his mouth as he drags his tongue over your slit in repetitive strokes before flicking his tongue over the top of your clit

it’s too much and not enough at the same time, your legs instinctively starting to squeeze shut around him

“nuh-uh, baby…” you find that you can barely move, namjoon’s fingers digging into your thigh as a warning as he keeps your legs open, “keep them spread for me.”

namjoon watches your reaction intensely, finding pleasure in the way that your chest rises and falls quickly and in the way you twitch every now and again

from here, he can see the way your brows furrow and the way you bite and tug at your bottom lip in a poor effort to keep yourself quiet 

“you can use your words like a good girl, can’t you?” namjoon teases, two fingers rolling tight little circles into your clit as he watches you, barely blinking, “tell me how good it feels…”

“good- ungh, feels good-” you whimper, hips bucking up against his fingers desperately

namjoon looks down to see you practically dripping onto the counter

jesus 

he would’ve done this a lot sooner had he known you’d be acting like this from his touch 

“fuck me,” namjoon groans suddenly, and all of a sudden it seems like everything’s moving ten times faster than before, “you look so fucking hot right now-”, he wraps his strong arms underneath both your thighs before yanking you closer to him, practically burying his entire face in between your legs

your right leg gets hitched up over his shoulder and you quickly sit back up, digging your fingers into the soft strands of namjoon’s hair as his tongue laves back and forth against your folds

your back arches and you tilt your head up towards the ceiling, namjoon instinctively pushing his clothed crotch against the bottom part of the counter for some kind of relief 

he’s so painfully hard from just hearing you hold back moans and watching you squirm and twitch 

you remind yourself to loosen your grip on namjoon’s hair because you’re worried that you might accidentally rip some strands out and leave him with a bald patch, but namjoon obviously doesn’t seem to mind as he doubles his efforts and starts to lick and and suck with tremendous fervour 

“fuck, you taste good-” he curses, his right hand sliding underneath your sweatshirt to cup your bare breast before he pinches and rolls your nipple in between his fingers

he drags his tongue down to circle around your tight hole and you jerk immediately, “oh my god-” you pant, overwhelmed by all the different feelings your body is experiencing at this moment, “that feels so-”

your bum is teetering on the edge of the counter at this point because namjoon’s basically pulled you off of it and you reach down to grip at the edges so you don’t fall off 

“gonna cum?” namjoon murmurs, eyes locking on your face almost immediately as he feels you starting to squirm underneath him 

he really wants to watch you cum

“j-joonie, god, don’t stop-” the arm wrapped around your waist tightens around you and your eyes roll to the back of your head as he continues his torturous onslaught of pleasure, “i-i- nngh- namjoon-!”

“i’ve got you, baby… you can cum…” namjoon feels himself twitch in his sweats upon hearing you moan his name like that 

the thought of gagging you with your own panties to mute your moans briefly flits through his mind but... he wants to hear you moaning his name over and over and over again 

he wants to make you scream for him

when it happens, you practically bite your bottom lip off trying not to cry out in ecstasy

namjoon has to hold your trembling thighs open to keep them from snapping his head right off

your hips buck lazily as you quiver around namjoon’s hot tongue, your body glistening in a sheen layer of sweat as you bask in the slow, rolling waves of ecstasy

you lie back down against the counter, chest heaving beneath your sweater as you stare dazedly up at the ceiling

oh, wow

you watch as the ceiling fan whirrs around and around and around

you feel like you’re not physically here right now 

like your soul left your body and you’re just floating in the air like a bunch of particles 

“-!” you twitch when namjoon carefully wipes you off with your panties before setting them onto the counter next to you 

you slowly prop yourself up onto your elbows so you can look at him, feeling your cheeks flush when you see that he’s looking right at you 

you’re not sure why you’ve gone all shy again as if his tongue wasn’t licking you out ten seconds ago 

“hi, pretty girl...” he smiles, his dimple popping up in his right cheek, “welcome back.” he jokes, rising to his feet while keeping your right leg propped up onto his shoulder

he turns to give your ankle a kiss before gently bringing your leg down and helping you sit up

“that was really something...” you wrap your arms loosely around his neck as he grasps your hips before leaning down to give you a sweet little kiss 

“oh yeah? did i live up to dreamjoon?” namjoon teases, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear before pinching the apple of your cheek 

“you did a much better job than dreamjoon.” you hum, and it’s only then that you’re aware of the very prominent bulge pressing into your centre, “but i... i wanna make you feel good, too…” you murmur, namjoon biting back a groan when you nudge your bare centre against him, a darkened splotch now staining the front of his sweatpants  “and…” you lean upwards to whisper something into namjoon’s ear

...

...

holy shit

yes please

“yeah, shit, we can definitely do that-” namjoon hates to admit to how horny he is but he can’t help it when you go around saying stuff like that to him, “we-” he pauses suddenly, eyes going wide in panic, “oh, shit!” 

“wh- what??” you look around the kitchen frantically before grabbing the closest thing to you as a form of defence (a silicone whisk) 

“friggin’ yoongi-!” namjoon hisses in pain as he adjusts himself in his sweatpants, “i forgot about yoongi-”

okay

a little weird of him to be thinking about yoongi while he’s touching his- 

“oh my god, yoongi!” you hiss quietly, hopping off the counter with wobbly legs 

namjoon hands you your shorts and you quickly wiggle into them before pulling your sweatshirt down  

you completely forgot that yoongi was in the room right next to you guys and that last moan of yours wasn’t exactly quiet

and you know that yoongi might not have a lot of knowledge when it comes to baking, but you’re sure that he knows enough to know that practically screaming namjoon’s name out loud isn’t a key step in achieving a fluffy cake batter 

“we weren’t doing anything!” 

the two of you stumble out into the living room and you file through your brain to come up with some kind of a logical excuse as to why you’re hot and sweaty and why namjoon’s hiding his lower half behind a kitchen towel and how in the world those two facts are related to his precious carrot cake cupcakes

you pause when you notice that yoongi’s nowhere to be found 

?

the documentary’s still playing on the TV, the boxes of tinsel and baubles have been completely abandoned, and there’s nothing but a blue sticky note sitting on the couch 

taking a nap in my car. text me when you guys are done being horny. also - you’re welcome. 

christmas with cee 2020 masterlist

🎁what would you like from ceenta this year? 🎁