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THIS PUTER SO BIG????
#live posting whatever im doing#THIS IS THE BIGGEST SCREEN IVE EVER OWNED#moen i swear im not small this thang is LARGE WHATHE FLIPPP#named it puter#computer???laptop???actually help#NEW LAPTOP YIPPEEE
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man. this whole thing pisses me off because like. even when people talk about staff having a history of hating trans women, that this isnt the first time, without fail black trans women are forgotten to be included again and again. im not surprised this caused such an uproar when the popular white woman gets deleted. nobody should be, its been that way like forever. some cunt in my inbox got annoyed i called rita a sex worker (lol? okay)
but i mentioned that in my post because so many black trans women have gotten removed from this site for their sex work alone, regardless of if it "broke community guidelines" or not, especially when tumblr live and the ads on this website are so fucking horny. idek what to say rn because like. this wont get as many notes as the posts talking about her will. the exploding car thing is gonna get more attention than the trans women on this site you dont actually care about listening to. ive been talking about how unfair it is to be a black tgirl on this site for years and nobody cares.
i love rita, we talked abit the other day and she's doing fine, dont get it twisted and think i hate her or some bs, she's a big fucking reason im not fucking homeless.
but part of why her deletion got to #1 trending on tumblr for multiple days in a row is that she's white
#reblog this you fuckers. im tired of you people saying you care about us. about my sisters and then ignore us like we never existed#gonna have to put abuncha these tags here again too otherwise literally nobody will see. i got abuncha new followers for that post#yall better Do Something other than performative bullshit for once#whatever. whatever.#predstrogen#photomatt#transgender#trans rights#black trans lives matter#black trans women#carhammerexplosionmatt
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my campaign hiatus has gone on for too long so to cope ive combined my interests at their maximum potency and had some dnd-strawhats thoughts
thoughts in depth under read more... :)!
this is SO self indulgent. their designs literally did not change. but i am a firm believer that dnd doesnt have to be european high fantasy. and also one piece literally IS fantasy. no changes are necessary to fit into dnd. ive already imagined plenty of campaign/oneshot ideas inspired by one piece. so this was basically just an exercise of trying to replicate their canon abilities in dnd 5e as much as possible without totally homebrewing everything. well. aside from luffy. you just cant take away or change his stretching.
LUFFY: (human monk. drunken master subclass. outlander)
the only plain human of the crew to balance out with the fact that he still has rubber powers. obviously a monk. but drunken master subclass specifically because i think the flavor(not the fact that its about being a drunkard) and abilities both fit him really well. this line in the subclass' flavortext especially fits him: "A drunken master often enjoys playing the fool to bring gladness to the despondent or to demonstrate humility to the arrogant, but when battle is joined, the drunken master can be a maddening, masterful foe."
ZORO: (tiefling fighter. samurai subclass. bounty hunter)
a fighter with the samurai subclass is so very incredibly obvious... but i actually had a lot of fun geeking out while comparing the abilities to what he can do in canon; Fighting Spirit, Rapid Strike, and Strength Before Death especially! tiefling is also pretty on the nose for his demon pirate hunter shtick and asura form, but i thought he'd be really human-passing for a tiefling and theorized about his tail getting cut off at some point or another before joining the strawhats. initially wasnt gonna give him a feat, but i gave sanji a feat so i thought itd be unfair to not give him one as well, so sentinel fits the bill pretty well i think!
NAMI: (tabaxi rogue. arcane trickster subclass. criminal)
cat burglar -> full grown literal humanoid cat. this one is INCREDIBLY self indulgent... i love... cats... theres nothing deeper to this and no other reasoning. i took cat burglar and ran with it. can you tell that i love izutsumi dungeon meshi? rogue for the aforementioned burglar-ing as well, and the arcane trickster subclass for when she picks up climatact! the mage hand will be very useful for her pickpocketing. in the future as she levels up with timeskip, i can totally see her multiclassing into wizard as well! weather wizard!
USOPP: (lightfoot halfling artificer. artillerist subclass. urchin)
I HAD SO MUCH FUN THINKING ABOUT HIS CHARACTER SHEET. halfling's Naturally Stealthy ability lets him hide behind his crewmates since theyre (almost) all bigger than him, so its perfect for hiding behind zoro or sanji all the time. Lucky is also perfect for him, and I think Brave fits pretty well too when he puts on the sogeking mask. artillerist artificer is also very fun! tinkering and making magic items for his crew, and i think Eldritch Canon or Arcane Firearm could both be easily reflavored as kabuto or any of his inventions. for emphasizing his sniper-ness, the spell sniper feat was also necessary. i think hes my favorite of all the concepts. big ears and long nose combo is so cute to me.
SANJI: (half-elf monk. drunken master subclass. guild artisan (cook!))
race was mostly based on vibes i wont lie. squints. and that vinsmoke balogna or whatever too ig. but mostly vibes. along with the idea that i think a dwarf zeff raising him would be really funny and cute. monk is also obvious, and same subclass as luffy for mostly the same reasons. though the flavor fits him much less, i think the abilities still fit him perfectly, and this blurb specifically; "Your martial arts technique mixes combat training with the precision of a dancer." i really wanted to give him a different subclass from luffy, but i dislike all the other monk subclasses a lot and i found none of them fit him as well anyways, so to try and give them SOME differences, i gave him the crusher feat.
CHOPPER: (awakened deer(shifter statblock) cleric. life subclass. hermit)
this ones definitely a mouthful im sorry. awakened deer for obvious reasons, but due to magic instead of devil fruit stuff. when i was struggling with his race, i looked a lot at shifter because of his forms, but it occurred to me that itd be super cool if he could shift between all of the different shifter options instead of being stuck with just one to replicate his rumble balls. something like heavy point/guard point=beasthide, horn point/arm point(?maybe?)=longtooth, walk point/jumping point=swiftstride, and brain point=wildhunt. hed definitely need some kind of nerf though to balance out that homebrew... and cleric for class. duh.
ROBIN: (high elf wizard. order of scribes subclass. criminal)
robin is definitely the one i struggled the most with just because of her class. elf came pretty easily- shes very elegant and i think shed look cute with super long ears- and i landed on high elf instead of wood elf for the int-based abilities. i was really on the fence between sorcerer and wizard for her because i knew shed be a full spellcaster, but i didnt feel that any of the subclasses really fit her. i ended up going with wizard for order of the scribes since it focuses on texts and knowing everything. but also because robin with a flying talking sentient book would be crazy cool. it could also be similar to how she spawns mouths and eyes places to talk to or watch people. my "fuck it, why not. this would be rad. its my house" mindset kicked in with her i will admit. also the One with the Word ability made me cackle out loud when i read it. thats the funniest ability ever. anyways, i cant really think of a way to replicate her powers, but maybe we could just reflavor a bunch of spells to be her limbs or clutch; hold person, maximillian's earthen grasp, or evard's black tentacles. thatd probably work okay, and theres a handful of spells to replicate her ability to spawn eyes or mouths. unrelated, but i imagine nico olvia to be a drow. why? her hair is white. i am a simple man!
#had a full on fixation explosion with this one Dont even look at me im posting this at 4am for a reason.#I HAD FUN THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. I MISS DND SO BAD. CAMPAIGN HIATUS OVER SOON. I MUST LIVE#not really like an au or redesign or whatever but i wanted to draw a lineup anyways to show just. very miniscule differences#i guess. mostly an excuse just to draw a lineup of the strawhats. i fucknig guess#will probably do a part 2 cause i have more thoughts; franky+brook+ace+vivi are on the menu boys#its bothering me so much that usopp and nami are both orange in the read more. but there is no yellow text-fill on tumblr. sad#also just fist fought this post in the drafts for an hour bc i dont understand the character limit#so if i fucked this up im moving to the mountains#wtf... art#one piece fanart#dnd#dnd 5e#mugiwara crew#straw hat pirates#monkey d luffy#luffy#roronoa zoro#zoro#cat burglar nami#nami#usopp#black leg sanji#sanji#tony tony chopper#nico robin
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what kind of underwear do you think Erik and Charles wear (i'm not asking this to see them half naked) ((please believe me)) (((PLEASE)))
My Personal Belief is charles is a briefs guy while erik's a trunks guy. trunks/briefs kinda couple because i can
and idk just a lil bonus or somethin. as i do.
#nsft#probably. again A Promotion Would Be In Order From Me Personally but WHATEVER.#cherik#im too tired to tag everything ok this post'll find its people#snap sketches#not too tired for a tag ramble tho eUUGGHHH#i HAVE to post the second bit now or ill be editing it all night and for what. i will live#and my silly ass said i wouldnt draw that reading idea. well guess what im a LIAR who LIES.#i do wanna revisit that proper tho .. at least draw em by the fireplace someday but anyway#i think the funny thing is i had like. plans to draw charles in purple briefs just cause he wore them once and i chortled Unreasonably#so here we are. youll have to forgive me my friend i have a condition called If I Get An Excuse To Draw I Will#it is a very serious condition cause i need to SLEEEEPP truly and honestly locking in later i HAVE to#leaving all of you with this for the next idk twelve hours thats crazy#all i want to do is draw but i feel my eyes . Getting Weird and i have exams so i guess i should be a responsible person and sleep#i actually have a lot i need to catch up on so like. i prob wont be back on until this weekend when im Hopefully more free#'snap didnt you say that last night' I HAVE TO BE SERIOUS THIS TIME i got a lot. so i will see everyone saturday Hopefully#please give me the strength to focus for once thank you#for now good night everyone !!! please enjoy my doodlings from today. yesterday. i must not make any more for now
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i like him
#kostik draws#bdoubleo100#bdoubleo#fanart#bro what smp do i tag this as#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#textures and line weight and colour practice yaay#eats his face#i drew this while listening to the entire hamilton soundtrack from the top im sorry#literally as i post this im on who lives; who dies 😭#whatever. enjoy before i go nuts about the composition#edit: OMG THERE WAS A BLATANT MISTAKE WHYD NOBODY TELL MEEEEEE fixed now
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the mighty nein - critical role
this is a place where i don't feel alone. this is a place where i feel at home.
#also with softer vibes. i offer They#every silly little brainheart found family deserves a to build a home edit#the mighty nein maybe most of all. thats my family#also the lyrics deliciously well suited to m9.#when jester pulls that. stupid tarot card for fjord. home or traveler. and there's a carnival wagon. and veth says Thats Us! . them#i just think about . the tower is their home the xhorhouse is their home the lavish chateau is their home the balleater. the mistake.#the nein heroez. veth and yezas apartment. the dome. fjord and jesters living room floor.#a bar with a silly name on rumblecusp#also like. the song has stone and dust imagery. gardens and trees.#the inherent temporality of life and love and how that holds no bearing on how greatly people can love. im losin it okay.#ive been making this edit for days straight with my computer screaming at me for trying to shove 143 episodes of cr into a 2min20sec video.#crying becuase. theyre a family do you get it. they were nine lonely people and most of them had given up on seeing their own lives#as something that might be good. something that might make the world a better place. and in the end they're heroes.#and it doesn't matter if no one else knows because They know they're heroes. and they wouldn't've believed that was true when they met.#rattling the bars of my enclosure. to be loved is to be changed#posted on twitter and want to get in the habit of posting here too bc.#general reasons but also bc . i have noticed some of the ppl liking/sharing it are also ppl who shit on my ops by vaguing about my posts#which is in general whatever but does leave a funny taste in my mouth.#critical role#the mighty nein#cr2#caleb widogast#caduceus clay#jester lavorre#fjord#veth brenatto#yasha nydoorin#beauregard lionett#mollymauk tealeaf#my posts
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miscellaneous au doodles + a VERY self indulgent song lyric comic :D
+ extra evil comic below the cut :
"chil!" "don't look at me like that..."
#ill be honest this is all so self indulgent that its embarrassing but whatever. peace and love. i will live my truth#yes the song lyric comic is childhood friends t4t chilchuck + his wife. what of it.#yes i also put chilaios. SUE ME OKAY#anyways im really proud of that first comic i think i did the format justice#also to the fellow filipinos out there i salute to you all#if anyone who doesnt speak filipino google translates the song and talks to me about it i will uhhhhhh. kiss you <- joking#(BUT I DO ENCOURAGE TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT I WILL SCREAM)#now time for actual tags#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#<- technically#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#should i tag his wife? ill tag his wife#chilchuck's wife#laios touden#not gonna tag the others in the first comic cause theyre not the focus#chilaios#<- feed on angst with me. play with me in this space.#by the by im slightly dissatisfied with how i drew that evil comic i think it looks a little weird but i love the concept of it#i mean none of you have any context except for my friend whos working on this au with me but. i prommy that its good#oh yeah i should probably tag this au huh#[ tragedy au ]#<- dont worry about the name. d. dont worry about it.#PRAYING BEGGING PLEADING THAT THIS WILL POST PROPERLY THIS TIME
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practicing lining drawings without hating it and also sort of practicing expressions
#looks at u with my large shiny eyes#i think i forgot to take my anxiety depression meds today FUUUUUUCK#im listening 2 the live shows that were released for free because i skipped them b4 cause i was too interested in the main plot#i love darryl and also glenn but i only like posting 4 drawings at once </3 ill draw fun pages of them next perhaps#avoiding posting cause im anxious (i wonder why… hmmm.. /sarcasm) by saying whatever the fuck i want grins and jumps around#dndads#dndads s1#dndads s2#dungeonsanddaddies#darryl wilson#glenn close dndads#henry oak#ron stampler#glenn close#can i tag that without the dndads or do people really like the actress#normal oak#taylor swift dndads#taylor swift not that one#scary marlowe#lincoln li wilson
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mtt therapy moment except dust keeps taking breaks to talk to phantom papyrus and horror just wants this to hurry up so it can get to his turn because he couldn't give two shits about dust and killer's trauma and killer physically cannot discuss his issues and just starts zoning out while crying for some reason during it
and i'm the therapist listening to all of this writing down notes fervently because ITS CANON MATERIAL CANON I NEED TO GET THE CANON MATERIAL
#i have to break apart like 34 potential fights with my otherdimensional godly creator powers#i would be an ass therapist i will not lie. infact i would make them worse with my knowledge of their lives. never put me in a room w them#OH MY GOD I JUST REVISTED THIS IDEA AFTER LEAVING IT TO COLLECT DUST (hehehe) IN MY DRAFYS FOR A MONTH#ANS TJIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY HELP 😭😭😭😭😭 HELP😭😭😭😭😭😭#still real tho highkey i havent changed 1 bit. ITS CANON OMG WRITE THSY DOWN WHAY WERE THE EXACT REACTIONS#ive got these guys wearing microphones i got cameras in the room i got advanced psychologists watching to explain every detail#is it a therapy session or just a badly disguised interview#nooo nooo its therapy......DONT LEAVS!!!! (activates the chains (that coincidentally all are connected to eachother) (heheheheh))#now youCANT leave😈😈😈😈😈 not until im done asking my questions ASSHOLES. dont question the handcuffs that keep you guys together please#actually id probably get like nothing out of them because theyre all repressed and defensive and whatever. BUT im simply more determined so#tricule rant#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#fandom event if the mtt ever became real. we're all lining up to the facility to ask one question#world's hardest challenge: if you could ask the murder time trio one thing what would it be#FUCK idk...... id simply hav too many questions!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!#triglycercule do your homework SHUT UO RESPONSIBLE VOICE IN MY HEAD!!!! I WONT!!!!! NOT UNTIL THIS IS DONE#fall headcanons for the trio when. i'll think of them once i'm done with homework#see a reward system! now i have a thought that i dont wanna say in tags this will be going to the side blog#anyways! i think that's enough drafts undrafted and posted i REALLY need to do my homework#i dont even have that much it's literally 2 assignments but i know damn well doing 1 of them is gonna bring me to dream and nightmare's age#sigh......... i hate school bring me back to summer break i wasSO productive. SMH
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idolatry
#the absurd unhealthy levels of devotion sebek has is so interesting. silver too but in a different way. sebeks is so blatant so OVERT#i think it would be rly fun (awful) if book7 had OB malleus and sebek having to choose whether or not to go against his lord. and thing is#im half convinced he'd still pick malleus. i think malleus could be mid OB and wrecking the world out of his mind and sebek would still pick#to be by his side. even knowing hes wrong. even seeing the negative repercussions live. i think he could#like i dont quiiite see twst going that dark realistically. like sebek was willing to fight malleus in halloween 2 thinking he was possessed#tho it could be argued he only fought BECAUSE he thought it wasnt malleus too. idk just food for thought#i want to know Why sebek idolizes malleus and lilia so much. its implied bc theyre fae but i want an inciting incident backstory#twst#twisted wonderland#sebek zigvolt#malleus draconia#do i get to tag malleus? his portrait is there.....its my post i do whatever i want#non silver art for once. dont get used to it. this is silver nation im sure he'll be back soon#suntails
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timbern high school baby project with real babies bc gotham is insane like that and they get paired together and at first it's funny.
two guys raising a baby lol. oh look tim i'm holding our kid! jesus bear, don't fucking shake our baby like like that. darls, darls, take our pic quickly! we're going for jcpenney's family photoshoot vibes. wait why does tim get to sit in the seat? oh cause he's mom? your both guys dipshit, neither of you can be the mom.
and then it quietly gets a little more serious.
hey did you feed the baby? tim, make sure to change the diaper before you leave today. bear can you grab my phone, the baby's sleeping on my chest and i can't move. hey guys, you wanna- shhh! they're sleeping, dont wake them up. what does that have to do with you? bear fell asleep with his head on my lap i can't move now! and why are your fingers in his hair? ....bear likes it.
and then it gets too serious
what the fuck are you buying premium baby food for tim?! we dont have that kind of money! oh sorry that i wanted our kid to be properly fed! and it's not like you're doing anything! oh the extra job i work is nothing now? that's not what i said! then what did you mean? you're never home! tim-. when was the last time you read to the baby? when was the last time you changed the diaper, gave them food, burped them? i cant do this alone. i'm tired bear. im sorry baby, i guess i was too caught up in making sure you guys would have what you needed i lost sight of what was important. i'll make it up, i promise. this weekend, you, me, the baby, the zoo. how does that sound sweetheart?
and by the end it's too domestic and everyone has noticed
hey are they like... fucking for real now? what? your little goonsquad darla. are they together-together? what the hell are you talking about ty? don't play stupid with me darla. i've known you since 3rd grade. ....no i dont think they're together. darla what the fuck. look at them! bernard has his arms wrapped around tim and he's cooing at their baby from over tim's shoulder! jim caught them slow-dancing with the baby in between them in the band room after school the other day. i know, i know!!! but they get weird when i talk about it and bear's just started feeling okay about it, you know his dad's a piece of shit, and like it's complicated! honest-to-god, i think they'll be like this until the project's over and then they'll go back to normal. normal? dont even ask ty, don't even ask. anyway i'll catch you later, i gotta go be the best aunt ever. .....fuckin weirdos, all three of them.
#this is what happens when i get bored#what the fuck is this#in this au gotham teaches a frankly insane sex ed course where each person gets paired up with somebody and then gotham gives u#an apt and you're essentially that babies parents for the year. and like when i mean parents i mean Parents!!!#like they have to Provide. that mean's getting jobs or whatever. there's like a stipend set up so your not actually broke#whatever dont think about it too hard#it is the most sucessfull matchmaking system in gotham. and the teachers do get too invested in their students love lives#anyway#what else is there to say#this is the stupidest thing ie ever written#aj if you're seeing this im so sorry lol#it is also the single most effective safe sex education given in gotham and like it works!!!! everybody is exhausted after raising a baby#bernard dowd#tim drake#timbern#timber#no edits just pressing the post button
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The thing was Percy didn't like being a bad kid. Every time he got kicked out of a school or wound up in the counselor's office over some incident he wasn't completely blameless for, his mom's brows would pinch. The line on her lip dipped. He knew what she was thinking each time: lost wages, job risk, who was going to watch him if he got suspended, where would she send him if he got kicked out, and so on.
He hated that he did that to her. Being a bad kid meant being a bad son. He refused to be a bad son - not on purpose anyway.
Well, he used to. She wasn't here anymore. Her brows weren't going to furrow. Her lips wouldn't thin. Her shoulders wouldn't draw up and tense before the principal even opened their mouth. It was over.
He didn't have anyone anymore. Nobody at cabin eleven would look at him. Other cabins steered around him like he was carrying the plague. Grover was off doing whatever satyrs did - probably getting ready to infiltrate some new school, befriend some new kid, save their lives. He didn't need Percy. It’d only been a few days but they'd barely interacted. Older satyrs would yank him along into the wood before Percy could get close or even open his mouth. Even Annabeth just eyed Percy with scrutinizing eyes - like she was assessing him for something. But every time he tried to approach her outside of their lessons, she brushed him off.
No one wanted Percy around.
What was the point of being a good kid anymore? There wasn't anything or anyone forcing him to keep his head above water. He was tired of the murmurs. He was tired of the avoidance. Tired of the glares from the Ares cabin. Tired of trying to keep the quake in his stomach tamped down.
He was just tired.
He thumbed along the flat edge of his sword. His new best friend was the pervasive feeling of loneliness. With a miserable sigh, he tucked the sword into the holster on his hip. People barely wanted to spar with him now so he was stuck to sweating it out on the dummies by himself. At least only when Luke wasn't pushing him as hard as possible.
But even with Luke there seemed to be pause. The first time Percy felt his gut yank after being claimed had been in training with Luke, and as soon as the feeling caught him, Luke begged off. Like he'd seen something in Percy that unnerved him. Sometimes when Percy looked in the mirror, he saw something in his eyes that unnerved him. A foreign thing - like a contact lens put in the wrong way.
No amount of poking or prodding at his eyes was going to get it out though. It was inside him - in his blood. He was sure of it.
He was starting to worry that it was the very thing he'd been keeping back, the very thing his mom was trying to keep him safe from.
The clang of metal against metal was loud as he walked past other trainees. There were a couple people leaning against the wall near the water fountain. As expected, they shifted away as he neared. Mistrust was bright in their eyes.
He did his best to ignore it. Not the first time people had stared at him like they thought he was dangerous. Or beneath them.
The water sprayed for a moment before he lowered his head. It was clarifying. He'd noticed it before, a burst of energy with every sip whenever he was tired, but ever since being claimed, he'd noticed the alertness more and more.
As he let go of the button, he caught the tail end of the muttering nearby. His stomach dropped.
“... should've ditched him sooner,” one boy grumbled. His friend snorted. “Maybe then she wouldn't have died.”
“What did you say?” The two startled. Percy understood why. He barely recognized his own voice, the eerie coldness to it frosty on his own tongue. Still, he repeated as he twisted on his heels to face them. “What. Did you just say?”
Panic besot them. For a second, the barest of a second, he could feel it kick in - be a good boy for me, Percy, be a good kid for Mom.
But she wasn't here.
She wasn't here.
So what was the point?
He took a step forward. “What,” he snarled, saliva coating his tongue like froth, “did you say?”
The others shifted away but he just crept forward. “Nothing, man,” one of them finally bit out, but they were lying. He could see it in their eyes, hear in their voice, feel it in their veins.
“You're lying,” he said. A bitten off laugh echoed from his lips. “You were talking about my mom.” Another choked laugh. “You think it's my fault?”
One of them raised his hands - a mock surrender. “Hey, dude-”
“You think I wanted her to die?” A sharp sensation coiled through Percy's chest. It thrummed hot and heavy, piling, piling, piling on his lungs. “You think I asked for ANY OF THIS?”
Someone's hand came to rest on his shoulder and it was like the crashing of the waves against his bare feet. Cold, clarifying, clear.
Freeing.
His fist drove straight into the jaw of whoever was behind him. He could barely tell who he was seeing - it might've been Luke, or any other tall blonde guy. But as soon as whoever it was stumbled back, he whirled around and punched whichever kid was closest in the stomach. They went down and he clambered on top to wail. Fist and fist upon whatever body part he could reach. He wasn't the most elegant hand-to-hand fighter but there was something to be said for the voracious and vicious energy boiling through him.
Distantly he was aware of yelling around him, aware of people pulling at him, aware of the person beneath him crying, arms over their face, arms Percy was tired of hitting. He needed to get their face, get their tongue, rip his mom from their mouth. How dare they speak about her.
How dare anyone talk about her.
A dozen hands finally yanked him back. He screamed. Bodies toppled. He grabbed the closest one by their hair, driving his knee upwards over and over again until hands ripped him away again. Swung blindly and caught someone. The two of them fell. His stomach pulled back. They choked. They weakened. He swung himself over until he was on top.
I want you all to drown, he thought, grabbing at their jaw. Don't ever speak of her again.
Saliva smeared across his fingers. His stomach pulled back even more. What was that - blood, water? On his hands, on his knees, on their skin, on their faces, in their veins.
His free hand drew out. He wanted it. It was his. Didn't they get that? She was his, and she was gone, so he would take and take all else that belonged to him until the hole in his chest was gone. Until the water they had coursing inside them filled him up.
“Percy,” someone whispered.
Their voice was familiar, breath hot against Percy's ear. He twitched. The feeling of nearby water, nearby fluid, was clenched tight in his fist. He just had to pull back. Yank it. Make it his.
The voice turned pleading. “Percy.”
He froze as two hot hands came to clasp his cheeks, dark brown eyes and curly hair blurring into view. Grover's face.
“Grover,” he breathed. For the first time since he'd ended up at camp, he relaxed.
Grover's thumbs stroked his skin. “Yeah, it's me.” He leaned in closer. “Percy, you need to stop.”
“Stop?”
“You're hurting people," he said. “You have to stop.”
Why? Percy thought. He didn't care. He didn't care if they hurt, didn't care if they drowned where they laid choking, didn't care if they suffered. It didn't mean anything to him. They didn't mean anything to him.
But this was Grover.
And with his mom gone, Grover meant the world.
“You want me to stop?”
“Yes,” Grover said. His breath was warm, his skin hot, his body close. Distantly Percy remembered nights at school like this - Grover tucked up next to him, trying his best to help Percy study when most people would've bailed. “I want you to stop.”
His lips were wobbling. His eyes were thick with wetness. His voice was unsteady - trying to be calm and rapidly failing. Even his hands shook.
Percy grabbed at his wrists. “Okay,” he whispered as he clung. His stomach relaxed slowly, the crash turning into a tickle. “I'm good, I'm good.”
Shakily, Grover exhaled, pressed his forehead to Percy's, and murmured, “I know, I know.”
His hands pulled away from Percy's face, but not away from him, arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him in for a tight hug. Percy's breathing wobbled as he tucked his face into the crook of Grover's neck. He clung tight and desperate. Pleading.
No, he couldn't be a good son anymore. He didn't have to bother keeping in check to avoid the thin line of his mom's lips. But he could be a good friend. To keep the tears out of Grover's eyes, the tremble from his skin.
“I can be good,” he promised quietly, for Grover's ears only. “I promise I can be good.”
“I know,” Grover said. His cheek pressed against Percy's. “I believe you.”
-
The fountain nearby trickled quietly. The steady flow soothed the unease between Percy's shoulders. Still, he squeezed the pillow in his grip tighter to his chest as he watched Grover flit around the bunk closest to him. He snapped the final end of the sheet around the mattress. Hooves clopped quietly against the tile as he stepped back. His gaze flickered between Percy's bed and his own.
Then he grunted and began pushing it closer.
Percy hopped up. The discarded pillow slipped from his fingers and onto the floor. He nearly tripped over it trying to get to Grover's side. They pushed the other bunk over until it was pressed into Percy's.
While Grover unfurled his blanket, Percy stepped back. Awkwardness choked him. He didn't know what to do, what to say. So he picked the pillow off from the floor and pressed it into his chest. Grover didn't spare him many glances as he worked to make up the bed. Leaning across his bunk, he yanked Percy's blanket from between the seam where the two bed frames connected and began tying the edges of both blankets together. It was shoddy work, no way it wasn't coming apart just from them lying on the sheets, much less sleeping.
But Grover did it anyway.
As he shifted back, hooves scraping the floor, Percy held out the pillow. Grover dusted off the top then laid it against the headboard. With both hands on his hips, he admired his work. Percy stared at it too. It was nice. Joined bed. Grover within direct reach.
His palms itched.
“Are you scared of me?”
Grover twisted around. His brows furrowed, but the edges of his lips were quirked upwards. It was reminiscent of school - Percy stumbling over something he read and Grover, lost but amused, over why Percy thought it was a man-of-war that Theseus fought.
He was partially grateful Grover cut him off before he could finish what he actually thought the sentence was trying to say. It certainly wasn't fight.
“I mean,” Grover started and Percy's stomach drew back. Behind him the trickle of the fountain silenced. Like the water was holding its breath too. “I'm scared for other people, but I'm not scared of you.” He punched Percy's arm with a quiet smile. “I know you're not going to hurt me, Percy. That's why I stopped you.”
The fountain began to trickle again. “And that-” He faltered. The ghost Grover's touched goosed up his bicep and across his shoulder. “-that doesn't worry you?”
That you might have to stop me again went unspoken but Grover was always good at understanding Percy's unspoken words, at knowing his unspoken feelings - even the ones Percy wasn't even aware he felt.
He sighed. “It worries me. But not because it's you.” He shook his head. “And definitely not because I'm scared of you hurting me.”
His eyes scanted away, brows furrowing deeper. Then he relaxed into the bed. After teetering on his heels for a couple seconds, Percy joined him. He gripped the edge of his shorts so tight his palms burned. Grover reached over to stroke along the back of his hand.
He exhaled slowly and let go.
“You remember Pan?” Grover asked.
Percy paused. “The satyr god, right?”
“Yeah.” Grover pulled away to tug at his fingers. “He's been missing for a while. Ever since the industrial age took off. And no one knows where he is. It's the dream of every satyr to find him, so that nature can return to the way it was.”
“That your dream?”
He nodded solemnly. “You have to be a Protector first, before you can get your Searcher’s license. But I'm not like the others.” His gaze fell down. His hands sat in his lap, cupped around nothing but air. “I don't want him just so we can bring nature back to its peak.” He sighed. “We were a lot different when Pan was still around. More free. More wild. I want satyrs and nymphs - all of us to be us again!”
Percy leaned into him. “What's stopping you?”
Grover snorted. “People forgot. We were more than just Pan's disciples. We fought to protect the wild from mankind. We didn't just sit around waiting for him to tell us what to do. But nobody wants to do anything.” He scowled. “They think when Pan returns he'll fix it all and I-” He bit his lip, then shook his head. “The world has changed. And gods don't get involved like that. Not to the extent they want him to. It's not in their nature. But if he comes back then maybe…”
He faced Percy. His eyes were watery, darkening the already dark brown of his eyes into shots of black. The welled tears glistened ever so slightly. Like the night sky, free of pollution.
His lips wobbled into a gentle smile. “But that's why I'm not afraid. You’re like nature at its purest form - chaotic, wild, unburdened.”
Normally those words wouldn't hit Percy as compliments. Insults, degradation - things that would deflate him and make his mom frown. But Grover sounded so earnest, his heart swelled.
“You can't tell, but I can feel it.” He swung his arm over Percy's shoulders and tugged him in close. “Your demigod essence, this sense of the wild that I've been searching for my whole life.” He gestured loosely. “Even the Demeter kids don't have that. Their mom is all agriculture and farming and that's great and all, but it's not pure nature, it's not the wild.” He squeezed Percy's shoulder as best he could with one hand. “You remind me of home, Percy.”
The frog Percy hadn't noticed in his throat jumped out with a burst sob-laugh. He tried to tile away, but Grover just tugged him close, bringing around his other arm to keep Percy pinned. Nonetheless his hold was fairly loose, like Percy was a stray cat he didn't want scratching him if he felt like running.
Or like he knew that Percy was the ocean through and through, unwilling to be contained, wanting to flow wherever he saw fit.
Percy practically crawled into his lap, sniffling into Grover's shoulder. Warm hands stroked up and down his back. He laughed quietly - a half-distressed noise marrying the sound, but managed a breathy wheeze of, “You remind me of home too.”
Grover kissed the top of his head. For the first time since arriving, he shattered. All his twisted up emotions committed out in a tidal wave of tears and broken gasps. All the while Grover held him. As tight as Percy clung to him, he didn't complain. Just held on even tighter. Wetness from Grover's own tears smeared across Percy's skin.
Ever the empathetic. Like his mom.
Percy squeezed his eyes shut. “Please don't leave without saying goodbye,” he begged in a hollow, hoarse whisper.
“I won't,” Grover promised.
They held onto each other even as tears and cries faded away. Grover kept stroking his back with both hands. Percy continued to cling.
Shoulders shaking, Percy wound the fabric of Grover's shirt over his fingers. After a few minutes of toiling silence, he whispered. “I think I'm changing.” He pressed his forehead to Grover's collarbone. “I'm scared.” He pulled back and stared into Grover's eyes. “What do I do?”
“Be my best friend,” Grover said, like it was the simplest answer in the world. And as soon as the words fell off his tongue, it did. How silly was Percy not to think of it before? “My best friend is a good person, the best kind of wild.”
“I can do that,” Percy promised. “I swear, I can do that.”
“I know,” Grover said, squeezing Percy's cheek. His thumb swiped away at a still wet tear under Percy's eye. The stroke was soft, gentle. Kind. “I believe you.”
#percy jackson#grover underwood#i dont remember percy really having time to mourn his mom in tlt so i figured id give him a moment with grover#happy talks pjo#my writing#my fanfic#pjo fanfic#anyway grover is sleeping witj percy in his cabin to quote unquote keep an eye on him bu really they're just gonna play games#because percy is calm when grover's around#and i haven't read tlt in a while but i dont remember grover doing much with percy post arrival#so im headcanoning that its an unspoken unofficial rule that protectors arent supposed to interact yoo much with their former protectees#in order to allow for a better transition into demigod living and also so the protector in question can go out and find other demigods#🤷♂️ whatever whatever but grover 1) knows that percy is possessive and insane and 2) is also Percy's bestie so hes been TRYING#and Percy's attempted murder(s) came in handy for them to chill out with each other
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steve harrington realizing that he’s got no purpose if he’s not protecting the people he loves from outer-dimensional beings, and has a minor (read: major) spiral about it post-vecna & the party fixing everything. he’s just a regular ole 20 something with no purpose— his friends are all in school, except eddie, who managed to pick up an apprenticeship as an electrician; putting all of that wire knowledge to use (just not in cars, he hasn’t hotwired one since 1986 and he’d like to keep it that way si vous plais) and making the rich houses have even cooler guts than they deserve.
the kids end up graduating (their first tries) and heading as one little pack to the same school (don’t ask me which, i’m a college drop out) and steve, eddie, and rob end up staying just outside of indy. rob finished school early, because of course she did, and she found that she may have a knack for hanging around high schoolers, so why not teach them how to become polyglots like she is?
steve still doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing— he bartends at a little club in the gayborhood, because they went there so often that the bartenders just kind of pushed him into it, and don’t get him wrong— mixing drinks and flirting all night is super fun, but it also… is kind of depressing? even if he gets to be around people like him and see them happy— he knows that a lot of alcohol and drugs causes that happiness and he wants so badly for his people to be out and proud and not murdered for it. but he can’t do that,, so he does the next best thing.
he talks with one of the regulars, andy, who owns a little tattoo shop on the corner, and andy invites him to come check it out. so he does the next day he’s free, and holy fucking christ. tattoos aren’t his thing— at least not on himself, but on other people they’re gorgeous. and they’re painful, but you’re turning the pain into art and you get to live with it in your skin and look at it and think about the fact that you’re here and you made it and you fucking survived. and people purposefully put scars into their bodies? and not in the i-battled-literal-other-dimensional-beings-and-won kind of way, or the i-battled-my-personal-demons-and-won kind of way, which both are things he’s dealt with so fucking intimately— but in the i-will-decorate-this-flesh-prison-and-make-it-a-castle kind of way, and that’s fucking beautiful. queer people taking their bodies and making them into art with ink and hot metal and needles and the love that they have for each other and the passion and the fucking spite at the world that keeps them going and making their presences KNOWN.
and maybe he gets some piercings while he’s there— it’s fascinating and feels so weird and freeing when the needle punctures his flesh and the jewelry goes in— and now he’s got a shiny little ring hanging through his earlobe; his nostril; his lip.
he learns that piercings take time and effort and care and that he has to treat himself with love to be able to heal— and that he is deserving of that love and care and dedication, especially from himself.
he keeps going back, maybe not always to get stabbed, but to watch others have it done. to see how different people’s anatomy takes different piercings, how he can’t have a piercing through his cheeks because he bites them too much when he’s anxious, but the girl that just left got both of hers done and they looked good. they fit her face, like little shiny dimples.
eventually, the piercer, killie, asks steve when he’s going to help them with their needles and their piercings— and he doesn’t know how to react because he hadn’t even thought about it and yet… maybe he could help other people fall in love with themselves and their bodies and help turn them into art one day
maybe he could be a pretty boy with his scars and his metal and his missing chunks and his polos and his jeans and his sneakers.
#steve harrington#i just love him your honor#steve as a piercer would be so cute#piercer!steve#im obsessed with this and sent ro a 5 minute long voice memo today talking about him#because he is near and dear to myheart#as someone that got into piercing to help other people feel beautiful#i think that he would love this#and i absolutely think that he wouldnt know what the fuck to do post vecna#and get jealous that everyone else has a thing#and he doesnt have one#because all of his things were always things he shared#and this is one thing that he shares— but not with his friends#just with the people that own the lives that he’s changing#one stabbing at a time#also queer people in the 80s are the reason we even have the modern day piercing industry and i owe them my life#and the piercer’s name is inspired by the person that pierced my lobes when i was five#and my mom indeed has dimple piercings#so those are my little art inspired by life or whatever moments
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ive been calling them slipkneight. its a work in progress
#slipknot#corey taylor#jim root#paul gray#joey jordison#words cannot express how i hate using tags IM SORRY JOEY LOVERS I MADE HIM A HORSE 💔#also i forked up and didnt make corey & jim's cutie marks visible 🚬🙄 whatever brah#mlp#<- i am sorry mlp community#also i couldnt decide if i wanted to put these on my mlp blog or not? only when i post mlp on main. do i remember#artings#corey#jim#paul g#joey#their names are corey haylor paul graystone and neighthan 'joey' jordison. jim root is the most horse name ever so hes saying normal#trust the others will come...i got attached to craig as a unicorn and i doodled him a LITTLE bit but never committed to finishing#corey making me draw horse jack skellington. the life i live
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it’s 5:20am i cannot sleep i am consumed with thoughts and yearning for keigo takami i need to be euthanized
#literally these days all i do is Lay Awake and Wither Away#the nightmares have been exponentially worse lately#fun fact ur local fanfic author has Problems.#idk man there’s just something haunting about having reoccurring nightmares about your ex and every time u close ur eyes it’s throwing u#right back into the pit of hell that was that relationship#it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine i just no Longer Trust People#anyways this is a vent post and it is so cringe and lame#i just have never Hated an ex before so there’s a lot i’m coming to terms with especially considering how Fake he is#idek man IDEK!!!!!1!!1!1!#i rlly sacrificed so much to love and live with him and he said ‘mmmmmm now i have u in my grip’#whatever it’s fine he’s stinky and honestly the fact honey (the blog intern and my cat) doesn’t miss him AT ALL says so much#seriously she is so nonplussed by his absence it’s wild#eating fine sleeping fine shitting fine#SAYS A LOT. SAAAAYS A LOT. whatever whatever whatever#i would hit that emotionally immature man with my car if given the chance and yknow what. nick if ur reading this you’re one of the#most.#emotionally immature people ive ever had the misfortune of knowing.#what a shame you lost me#the best thing and healthiest thing that ever happened to you#because of your own actions and your own inability to take accountability for your mental health and actions#tell your mom i say hi#and tell your exes im sorry i ever doubted any of them x_x#WEEEEE what a vent#listen to big sister birbs when she says don’t date men who have something horrific to say about each of their exes
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A quick bluebelle painting :))
#when I had this hairstyle I gave up doing the braids after like 2 week#ngl it’s really difficult#anywayyyyyy bluebelle ilyyyyy 💙💙💙💙#DO NOT look at her left hand pls and thank youuuuuu#I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHERE I WANT TO GO WITH HER STORY YIPEE‼️‼️‼️‼️#do I have it written down or finalized yet?????? absolutely not#but I have the skeleton#I have to construct the flesh and the sinew#sigh the horror writer in me will literally never leave <333#live laugh love you sapphic cannibalism story I wrote you will forever be famous#so I figured something cool out about being half deaf#when I use my headphones#I only have to use one so when that one runs out of battery#I can just put the other one in!!!#but ✨backwards✨✨#guys I love the lady of shallot she’s so bluebelle coded#IM FINALLY WORKING ON AN ACTUAL PROJECT AGAIN#it’s another oc painting….but more of them at once…..#I’ve never embarked on such an adventure before#I’m having so much fun#I need to shut up oh my god 😭😭😭#shamelessly oc posting#you can do whatever you want forever!! (except when it’s me lmaoooo)#okay okay okay Bluebelle you will be FOREVER famous 💙💙#cats the musical#cats musical#cats oc#jellicle oc#sorah’s silly scribbles
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