#little personal anecdotes that will literally never come up

[girl-bateman]

Gaslighting, my old friend, I'll fall for you every single time <3

[mirohlayo]

F1 DRIVERS AND THEIR

SOFT SPOTS FOR YOU

( include piastri, norris, leclerc, sainz, hamilton, russel, verstappen & ricciardo )

warning : fluff

─ OSCAR PIASTRI

Oscar is a reserved and introverted person who doesn't really spend time chatting with everyone. He prefers to say as little as possible because after all it's his shy nature that makes him that way. However, it is absolutely not uncommon to find him hiding behind the McLaren motorhome, a big smile on his lips as he never stops telling anecdotes about himself, to the person standing in front of him. To the only person who is able to bring out his extroverted nature, the only person who makes his heart beat secretly.

─ LANDO NORRIS

He always conveys this image of a sarcastic man, always confident and full of humor. He doesn't give up and he always has that same confidence that you adore so much every time he walks next to you. And it is precisely by your side that he feels the weakest, the least confident and the most clumsy. This image of a confident man crumbles to give way to a man completely sick of love for you, so in love that you wonder if he doesn't have two different personalities, one of which is specially reserved just for you. Only you haven't noticed it yet.

─ CHARLES LECLERC

This man is always pleasant and smiling. Friendly with everyone, and above all, above all generous with you. Only you anyway. Do you want to eat something ? He pays you for it. Do you need new clothes? He offers you a collection. Do you absolutely want to try a restaurant? He's already reserving the table for you. It almost becomes tiring for those close to him, who complain for never receiving so many things from him. And despite these teasing complaints, he absolutely will not stop offering you everything, even if it means ending up in debt.

─ CARLOS SAINZ

He absolutely doesn't want to break away from you. This is perhaps the most obvious and certainly effective way to show you that he only has eyes for you, but he doesn't want to let you go. You're always in his company, no matter what you're doing. At first, you found it strange, but you got used to it because after all you yourself hoped to see an ounce of hope for a possible relationship. And obviously, that’s the case. He's just waiting for the right moment, so he's hoping to keep you all to himself by spending 100% of his day with you.

─ LEWIS HAMILTON

He is literally the sweetest to EVERYONE. He has a pure heart, he is naturally kind so it is difficult to determine the way he is and acts when he is with you. Except one thing. He only confides in you. It's simple, he really finds you perfect, but you also give him a feeling of calm, softness and confidence, that he has absolutely no problem coming to confide in you. There is no person in the world who knows how to listen to him better than you, so of course he will take advantage of every little opportunity to chat with you. At first he will confide, but eventually you will talk about everything and nothing, the hearts seeing in Lewis's eyes.

─ GEORGE RUSSEL

The team's employees wonder where these multitudes of little notes hanging everywhere in the Mercedes motorhome come from. George would simply respond that these notes were carefully written by him for the most beautiful person on earth, namely you. He loves this game, leaving behind random notes with sweeter words one after the other, just to make you smile. He always makes sure to have a pack of notes with him so he can hide some, and above all feel his heart overflowing with love while observing your cute reactions.

─ MAX VERSTAPPEN

This boy enjoys complimenting you so much. It's one of his favorite things, because he loves feeling his heart warm up when he sees your cheeks color and your smile widen. My god, he could do this all day and never get bored. It's quite special and new for him, because he's not the type to compliment others. It's even quite rare for him, that's why he reserves this side of himself only for you. He makes sure to remind you how magnificent, beautiful, intelligent, perfect, funny you are... in short, the list goes on

─ DANIEL RICCIARDO

He always wants to see you smile. Even when he's not feeling well, the only thing that can cheer him up is your beautiful smile so he always makes the effort to be the funniest to see it appear. You might think that this is normal coming from him, after all it is the ray of sunshine that brings this good humor to the F1 world. But the subtleties, like the fact that he tries to make you laugh more than the other boys, that you're the only person he makes laugh every minute, that he teases you to get your attention. These subtleties are proof that he may be feeling a little too much love towards you.

[naneun-no]

On “Insecure Jikookers”…

Alright. I might lose followers for this and that’s very okay; curate your timeline and protect your peace babes. But for YEARS, every time the phrase “insecure jikooker” has come up on my feed my eyelid has done a little twitchy twitch 🤨🤨

And I have always ignored it, because I’ve never wanted to be out here policing ppl’s language and we are literally supposed to be having fun and celebrating love, like for me that’s the whole point, but —

I’ve been seeing the phrase popping up again surrounding the release of AYS and I just gotta say it.

You guys the term seems so culty 😬🥲

Like I think I get the origin (maybe)? It probably started when some of the early jikook bloggers (if you are one I salute you, I am not worthy, trust me this is NOT a dig at anyone, jikook bloggers are by and large cool and kind af 🙇‍♀️) would get these sketchy asks that were antis or cultists in disguise just casting aspersions on jikook’s bond or being blatantly homophobic and/or in general being rude little anonymous internet gremlins. Or maybe it was people who did want to believe that jikook was real but kept nagging and begging for reassurance at every turn, which I can totally see becoming annoying as hell and prompting people to start using the term.

But it feels like it’s used now as like a catchall for anyone who expresses any doubt or asks any critical questions? Even like… reasonable ones? And I used to see a lot of “hey believe what you want to believe but this is what I believe” but now it seems like the sentiment around jikooker communities has by and large become “if you don’t believe you’re an idiotic dumb person who has never known love — you’re either a rival shipper in disguise or WORSE (dun dun dunnnnn) an Insecure Jikooker — and we don’t want people like you around.”

And idk it just feels weird for a community that has always seemed to kind of pride itself on being the “rational, fact-based” ship… like we LOVE to be smug about how jikook don’t need edits to be obvious, don’t need slo-mo zooms with red circles and arrows because their chemistry and fondness and affection is just plain to see in basic footage. We’re the levelheaded ones 😌.

But doesn’t that mean that we should always be encouraging critical thinking, and if someone comes to a different conclusion than us, so be it? Like it or not, none of us have foolproof confirmation that jikook are anything more than very close friends. That’s literally all we know. The rest is our best guess based on vibes, anecdotes, dot-connecting, subtext and body language observation, experience, perception (!!This is a big one because confirmation bias is real!!), and suspicion. That’s literally it.

Look maybe I’m just projecting 😅 but when you criticize people for expressing reasonable doubt over something that is literally not confirmed, it’s just a little too religious fundamentalist for me! (This is why I was a bad Christian, because I always raised my hand and asked questions the Sunday school teacher didn’t like.)

Feel free to ignore me. I never want to come across as pushy or trying to stir up anything, it’s just a phrase that grinds my gears and I’m sort of hoping I’m not alone in that… but if I am, so be it! 🤣 would love to hear people’s thoughts because maybe I’m missing something.

(P.S. If you’re a troll who spams jikook blog inboxes this is not me defending you. You’re still annoying and you need a better hobby. Have you tried yoga? Snowboarding? Fly fishing? Filming food vlogs and/or painting? You should try cooking. You should stop being an anonymous internet troll stomping on everyone’s proverbial sandcastles and instead write a poem. K bye ✌️ )

[weebsinstash]

Ok no I'm not done being weird yet, here's another idea for the marriage canon event stuff

Miguel and other Spiders are getting on your ass about, "oh, how old are you now? Why aren't you looking for a husband yet? Why are you spending so much time here?" And are, you know, your friends who love you and for your own good are trying to get you to complete your canon so you, you know, LIVE, but the way you see it is, being forced to do something like that and sacrifice yourself like that isn't living. You're not going to actively pursue and seek out a relationship, you want one to happen naturally, and nothing has felt natural to you and you're afraid of being hurt like that, of being rejected, of opening yourself up to someone and not being good enough, but, O'Hara and the Society don't really want to hear that. It's escalating over time. Little comments here and there, people randomly interjecting their personal anecdotes about their family and their kids into the conversation, "oh this is just like when me and Mary Jane--" "oh my kid loves this flavor, she gets so excited, I like to be naughty and get her these as a treat"

So you reach the point where you're fed up. This is so massively fucking inappropriate of them. There's no "set age" for this kind of thing so why are they harassing you like this, acting like, oh, you gotta hurry and pursue shit right now, it's for your own good? It's just pissing you off and pushing you away. You love traveling to different dimensions and exploring new places and experiencing things that are literally out of this world but if the trade-off for that is constantly being badgered with this stupid narrative of having to sacrifice yourself, you'll happily go home and break canon and die, because at least you'll be truly living and making a choice

So anyways to get to the meat of this post: you've decided you're leaving the Spider Society and you're not going to talk to any of these bitches anymore, just haven't fully decided on when, but like, you're literally thinking within the next week, but you're still, there. And one day you're in the lobby, trying to stand around because you're supposed to go on some sort of stupid assignment, Peter B and Jess with you, the parents talking about baby stuff as you roll your eyes and Peter suspiciously needs you to keep holding Mayday until you're literally refusing, "just put her on the ground or something, you let her climb on walls and shit anyways"

And because you're in the lobby, this big open space with tons of people passing through, suddenly in walks Miguel with. Another Miguel, completely unrelated to the mission you and the others are about to do, kind of just bumping into each other as they pass through. Miguel2 just got scouted by his counterpart that he met during chasing an anomaly, and they're getting to know each other, and at some point Miguel2 is like "can my wife come too 🥺👉👈 she's also a Spider and I can't be here without her" and everyone is a little confused because there's supposed to be the whole only 'one Spider per dimension' rule besides like family, like Peter and Mayday, and you'll just never guess whose alternate universe variant is his wife :) another you comes bounding in wearing casual baggy clothes but looks so radiant and happy, all "hubby 🥰" as she kisses her husband, you're just awkwardly sending glances to 'your' Miguel as you two are, understandably feeling awkward because, you're, coworkers, and here are two people who look exactly like you being all lovey dovey "princesa 🥰" "guapito 🥰"

This other you just seems so, VIBRANT and she's introducing herself and shaking hands and she sees Peter B, "oh my god you have a baby, I'm so happy for you, she's so cute!" And she's hugging him, and you watch Peter B's eyes go kind of wide and he looks down, "OH, you're like--" and Other You just kind of laughs and parts her coat, showing off her rounded tummy, "haha yeah, there's a baby in there! Number 3, we're so excited! 🥰" and you're just. Simultaneously feeling some sort of fucked up combination of the most visceral and extreme discomfort you've ever felt in your entire life and also some kind of. Envy. Because she has everything you thought you didn't want and she seems so, SO fucking happy, with a husband who loves her, she clearly loves her babies, and she's being accepted by all of your friends instantly, like they're all gathered around talking as you're just, basically on the outside of the circle, actively putting up distance, only standing around because, uh hey guys weren't we supposed to be doing something--

Your skin is crawling as Other You uses her own watch from her husband to zip back to her own dimension and comes back with her babies on each hip, twins that she's just so happy to introduce to her new friends, who are SUPPOSED to be YOUR friends, "THIS one is Gabriella, and this one is Gabriel. Aren't they so cute? 🥰 theyre both so chunky they almost killed me but it was SO worth it" And once she realizes you're you, or, you're her, she wants to immediately chat you up and be buddy-buddy and goes to hand one of her babies to you and you. Refuse. Absolutely refuse. Suddenly you're the pariah of the group, both Miguels are sending you looks. Why are you being so fucking rude? Just put your arms out??? But you won't. You're just, soul-suckingly disgusted by this entire scenario. Not only is it putting an unspoken pressure onto you, but, seeing this other you be so fucking happy AND accomplishing all the things your "friends" have been badgering you about makes you feel SO indescribably insecure

Fine. Let it be like a revolving door. Another you enters Spider Society, one of you leaves. But you're so bitter and hurt you can't help but get in a jab at her, wanting to tarnish her "fake" happiness, feeling so personally hurt and offended by her very presence and existence in the room. "Hey so wouldn't your babies also be Spiders and have to suffer through the canon events too? And since you don't have any other family members, your kids' canon events might be YOU or Miguel dying? Aren't you glad you gave birth to your kids only to die and leave them without a mom and dad and forever doom them to a narrative where they can never make their own choices and are cosmically destined to be unhappy just because YOU wanted a cute baby? Sorry I guess I'm just built different. Hey remember how when we were little girls and we used to feel like mom only gave birth to us because she wanted someone who would love her and we resented her for bringing us into the world to have such a harsh life, aren't you so happy that's EXACTLY how your kids are going to feel about YOU?"

Mom!You is instantly bursting into tears and holding her little belly for comfort as her husband looks ready to tear you to ribbons, FURIOUS, all the healthy people in the room understandably disappointed and upset with you, like what the FUCK girl, meanwhile you're opening up a portal to your home dimension and just chucking your watch straight into the floor. "Keep this. I won't be coming back" while everyone is kind of dismissive of how truly upset you are, kind of just like "come on, don't be like this 🙄" like you're throwing a tantrum when in actuality you're going home and are seriously considering selling Osborne or Doc Ock all of your radioactive eggs. You'll always be YOU before you're a Spider, and if they want to force you to put The Job above yourself your entire life, they're dead wrong.

Meanwhile after you leave, pulling each other aside for privacy, Miguel2 is asking your Miguel why he's risking breaking his own canon by not wife-ing you up yet and comparing notes from all of the other dimensions where you and him are together as your Miguel is shocked by the sheer number of same occurrences. Miguel is all on about, "what does this even mean, we're from entirely different dimensions", and Miguel2 over here just unapologetically, "so? My wife is also from another dimension, I just took her, she got used to it, it's totally fine bro, it's canon, just do it, just do whatever you want. it's fine bro I'M TELLING YOU--" and maybe even Mom!You is so, sucked into her own "it's ok I was initially forced into this because I'm happy now" world that she's even advocating, "oh gosh if I was her I'd be SO lonely, hearing how you two aren't even that close, especially not anymore, and you've all been avoiding her, and she doesn't even have a baby to care for and give her love 🥺 most 'me's are at least dating right now, so, i bet she's feeling so much pain, she NEEDS YOU right now 🥺"

Peter B is sent to give you another watch and tell you, it's ok, you can come back, they promise they're not gonna bug you about dating and stuff anymore, and you're just all "nah, I'm ok! :) you can keep it :) I've had enough of you guys :) dont let the door hit your ass on the way out :)" meanwhile Miguel 1 and 2 are comparing strategies, "see, when MY wife was refusing to come back to me, what I did was..."

[angelsdean]

you probably noticed this but: right after dean finishes telling the CBGB story, he says “john friggin winchester” and takes a shot, and the jacting joices in that moment are… god. i mean the jacting joices are there the entire time ofc but they kinda give *overemphasizing this as a ‘cool john’ story* to me at first, but in that final moment—dean purses his lips, he shifts in his seat, he stares into the distance… he looks bitter. it’s like dean allows himself to feel bitter about this story for just a second, when sam and cas are no longer looking at him ://

(the exact moment i’m talking about is in a gifset you reposted recently)

Yea there's definitely a vibe throughout the whole thing that he's like, telling it as this "funny anecdote" but underneath there's more feelings brewing about this story. Like the story itself comes up because Sam prompts him to tell it, so it's not even Dean's first thought.

Even Cas asking them "You loved your father?" and Dean's response, "With all I had" is like, on the surface you can take that as a positive statement but it's also pretty vague when you really poke at it. It's like, okay and how much love for your father DID you have? It's not the same as a resounding "Yes, of course!" It's more, "I loved him as much as I personally could, given everything." And I do think Dean loved his father. Dean is full of love and he cares even when people might not deserve it. But, we also know he's no stranger to criticizing his father (as he literally says in the next breath that John was not winning any Dad of the year awards) and acknowledging that he was put through shit he did not deserve at way too young of an age.

Even him saying "damn if he wasn't there when we needed him" it's, I mean, he's literally criticized John for being a deadbeat and leaving them and not answering the phone and putting them in danger before so this line immediately rings hollow. And in the context of the scene it makes sense that he'd say this to Cas because Cas is specifically asking them about John as a way of understanding what a father is supposed to do. He prefaces his questions about John with the fact that HE never knew his father and thus has little experience with this whole Claire situation. He's looking for guidance, so it makes sense that Dean would over-embellish a little and want to paint John in a better light for the sake of telling Cas that "yea a good dad is there for their kids." Which we Know John wasn't always there for them. (Side note but all of this ALSO ties into Rowena and Crowley's subplot this episode, how she abandoned HER kid, wasn't there for him, left him vulnerable but is trying to be there now etc etc. Thematically it's an episode abt imperfect parents and their children). And the fact that Sam prompts the story to me says that Dean was probably just going to leave it at that, simply giving his advice to Cas that good dads are always there for their kids.

But anyways, all this to say, I can definitely see Dean feeling bitter about the story at the end there. Especially as the happy little mood drops and he's no longer trying to "give advice" and is reminded of the case, Claire, and how his own experiences actually relate to hers. It's like he finishes telling the story Sam prompted him to tell in the first place and he remembers, "yeah and that was fucked up. and dad might've been there THEN but what about all the other times he left us vulnerable and open to be preyed on. and now Claire is in the hands of this pseudo-guardian who is also putting her in dangerous and vulnerable situations, and and and."

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

I'm ill again because I have the immune system of a sickly victorian child. Therefore I must project onto the harry potter next gen kids

What i think (some) of the next gen kids are like when they're sick:

Scorpius: I've already done a whole post on this but I have no idea how to link posts despite being on this site for years. the short version is, he was a sick child and constantly in and out of hospital so now he cannot gauge when he's actually really sick and needs to just rest, so albus has to forcibly keep him in the dorm or hospital wing otherwise he will still try and go to class even if actively dying

Albus: he's lowkey so dramatic. if he has a small cold you WILL be hearing about it, BUT he's super subtle. he will casually tie it into conversation to make you feel sorry for him and just keep bringing it up until youre like aw no, im so sorry man. he doesnt try with rose anymore, because she will just mock him, she knows what hes doing. he's most obvious about it to Scorpius, he'll start pouting and be like I feel sick 🥺🥺 and Scorpius is immediately like oh poor baby 🥺🥺/gen and does in fact baby him until he feels better

Rose: does not get sick and its infuriating. when there's some kind of bug going around the school, you can guarantee this girl will not get it. she thinks everyone is just being dramatic and trying to get out of class. don't come to her for sympathy unless you actually look like you're on deaths door. the most sympathy surprisingly goes to Scorpius because she has seen this idiot try to attend class whilst not being able to function properly and be escorted out

Hugo: he doesnt get sick often, like a slightly below average getting sick, but my version of hugo is so unbothered by everything, he would end up in hospital or whatever but wont tell anyone, not on purpose, he just never goes out of his way to mention anything until it specifically comes up in conversation. Hes the random kid that pops up, says he has a relevant anecdote, tells you the wildest story youve ever heard so casually, youre left like???? what the fuck?? and how has that never come up before????, then he just dissapears again

James: gets so mopey, he gets so restless and hates having to sit and wait to get better. he'll enjoy not having to go to class for like one day but when you tell him he can't go anywhere or play quidditch or anything he's immediately over it like, 😟😟 wdym??? wdym I have to just lie here until I'm better??? lemme out!!!! LEMME OUT!!!!

Lily: lowkey whiny. she's not usually super whiny but she acts like a little kid when she's sick and will constantly frown and pout and cross her arms and kick her legs. collateral of being the youngest sibling lmao. she wants people to do everything for her and will shout for people to come get the TV remote or something that's only like 2 feet away from her and just shake her arm at it until you pass it. Ginny and Harry do it for her, her brothers do not lmao

Victorie: doesn't usually get sick-sick often, but I headcanon her as being a general athlete, she likes to do triathlons in her spare time, and if she gets injured she literally has to not be able to walk before she stops. she will just keep going. have you seen female footballers? the way they will be wacked in the head and start bleeding everywhere but then be like meh I can keep going. so her.

Louis: cannot stand the wanting to throw up kind of sick. he can deal with anything else, he has a pretty good immune system, he can pretty much carry on with normal stuff, and you won't even realise he's sick, but the second he feels stomach sickness, he is pale as a ghost and out for business. lowkey has emetaphobia, he will just sit so still until he doesn't feel like that anymore trying to make it go away by just 🧍🏻‍♂️if I don't move it won't know I'm here, yk lmao. hates throwing up so fucking bad

Roxanne: takes the sickness as some kind of personal test. is dramatic in the sense that she will go full warrior mode and be like 😈 i will survive 😈 I will not be beaten by these pitiful germs 😈 and will absolutely just rock her way through it, she talks like she's on some kind of quest, and that this is some kind of evaluation of her perseverance

Fred: just lies there. will not move until he's better. doesn't get really dramatic or complain but god forbid you try and make him do something, he'll start going off about how normalised it is for people to push themselves when sick because society wants people to work themselves to death, and doesn't actually care about anyone's health, and everyone just gets so sick of hearing him, they leave him alone

Karl Jenkins: will purposefully cough on people to get them sick too "as a joke"

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

And another thing while we’re at and is again me stating the obvious and repeating what we’ve all said but the way Taylor and Travis have handled the public vs private thing is a masterclass in pr/comms issues management in a lot of ways.

Because as we’ve all said they’re “public” in the spaces that we’d expect them to be. Like for instance, Travis’ games or Taylor’s shows — they’re literally work functions for them respectively, and it’s never a secret when the other shows up. So yes, Travis showing up on stage and committing to the bit is “public,” but it’s not the biggest stretch because everyone knew he was going to be there. They’re kicking it up a notch, but in the end, she’s performing for 90k people in a stadium and however many thousands at home on livestreams in a public space, and ultimately him showing up there (or her showing up on the field at football games) falls into that expected professional realm. It’s not like they’re broadcasting a talk show from their living room.

Which I think has made it even clearer how hard the “home” boundary is for them, at least for the time being. The way Travis always deflects and shifts the conversation when it comes to people (mostly good-naturedly) fishing for a scoop is masterful. He shares publicly available information (eg the pop tart anecdote) but is firm on not sharing anything actually personal.

And I bring this up only because it feels to me that that’s probably one of Taylor’s firm boundaries and/or boundaries they’ve chosen together. For people who are surprised at Taylor being so “public” or how she’s changed — she hasn’t in a lot of important ways. She’s loud and exuberant and not afraid to show off on stage, but she also hasn’t done any significant press to speak of that I can think of since Midnights’ release almost two years ago, and even that wasn’t much. She literally just dropped an album in the middle of tour two months ago and peaced out.

It just seems like at least at this point in her life, her personal life is pretty much off limits. There’s the odd tidbit (eg the Fortnight video), but she isn’t talking to the press and even though Travis hosts a podcast every week, he isn’t saying anything that we haven’t all already seen in the news. Obviously the shenanigans this weekend cross the personal boundaries a little, but it’s likely also because, well, there are some major life changes afoot so those lines will too.

I’m just rambling but it’s just like… Taylor is open in so many ways and flourishing in others that maybe she didn’t even this we’re still possible, and it’s so so touching to see her come out the other side of everything she went through. And she’s changed only in that she’s healing and she’s starting to reconnect with parts of herself she’d kept buried.

But she’s still fiercely protective of her life and it’s just incredible to think that as big and as public facing as she and Travis are, in the end, we don’t really know much about their personal lives and I think that’s really important. I’m sure those boundaries will shift as their lives evolve and things feel better or don’t feel better and they reassess. But it’s just kind of funny that for all the microscopes they’re under, the noise around them is kind of smoke and mirrors because they themselves are tightlipped to the public. (Different relationships and all that, but compare how Travis speaks about his home life — or doesn’t — with Taylor to how Jason and Kylie speak about theirs and it’s clear that there are very different boundaries there. Which is fine! Everyone navigates their own!)

So as the hype has built up this is weekend (and will likely continue this week…) and things are probably going to hit a fever pitch in the media and online, it’s going to be funny to hear the inevitable takes about PR and flaunting their relationship in public and moral judgments on it (ahem) when in reality… they really don’t share anything other than places they’d already be seen anyway. That may all change and maybe they’ll give a tell all, I don’t know, but I suspect not. (And if it does then great! Good for them that they feel comfortable enough with it!)

It’s just a really good exercise in how they give enough to make it seem like you’ve gotten something, without really giving anything at all. Like the show bit — it’s shocking and goofy and flirty, but on the flip side, is it really unusual for a committed couple to flirt with each other? Nope. Same with the PDA at the football games: it’s shocking because of their fame and Taylor previously being notoriously private. But in the end, it’s really not a shock for a person to show up at their partner’s work event and support them, and in the case of the Super Bowl, it’s not a surprise for a loved one to come down onto the field and show affection to a player who’s won their game. It’s different because it’s her, but it’s otherwise pretty standard protocol.

I’m just glad for her and for them in the end that they’ve found some sort of balance that works for them where they get to show up and support each other how they like, without feeling like it’s going to collapse their personal life. They’ve kind of hoodwinked the world into thinking they’re massively public when it’s really “professional but make it sparkly”.

[bangtannism]

Tkkers are the biggest jkkers there have ever been. They're the very embodiment of yelling "I'm not mad" while punching a hole in the wall. If their moments don't mean anything, why are you so mad? But they know that km's moments are significant which is why they desperately play down their relationship, call it fanservice, foist jm off onto other members (liking shipping ymn), anything to make it not real, because they know as well as we do, that if what km do is real and not scripted fanservice, then it blows apart their romeo&juliet fanfiction. For example, if its all real, then jk was drunk spinning jm and jm gave his best friend's "boyfriend" a hickey, and how would that make sense when tae and jm are still so close and loving on each other? If its real, then jk chose to spend the next 2 years with his "boyfreind's" best friend and not him, and how does that make sense?

The problem with tkkers is that they have built this perfectly insulated little belief system where they believe not in what they see, but in what they don't see, which is a nebulous relationship that supposedly exists only in private (I mean they literally brand tk the private couple). They don't even have to be based in reality or think critically because they've come up with convenient explanations for everything. If tk say something that goes against the tkker narrative, well that was the company forcing them. If they say or do something that supports it, well that was them being bold and fighting back. If interactions with another member don't threaten their ship, then that's fine and cute. If it does, well then that's just fanservice pushed by the company. They decide what is the "truth" based on if it already supports what they believe. I firmly believe there would be almost no tkkers today if they didn't stumble upon tkker accounts and become indoctrinated with the ideology because just watching content, seeing their actions, and listening to the boys talk (and believing them) would never lead you to thinking tk are romantically involved.

If its any consolation though, I do think way more army (not just km shippers) do acknowledge km's relationship being unique or sus at times, they just don't say it as much on tkker dominated spaces like twitter, where even using their duo name gets you branded a shipper and makes them mad. Like here on tubmlr, I've only checked the tk tag a handful of times out of curiosity, but the km posts and blogs seem to get waaay more engagement. Or even on reddit, I've see users make comments "like I hate shippers and I would never actually claim they're together, but km do make me questions sometimes LOL" while tkkers coming in hot with their crazy bullshit get shot down immediately there. Also this is anecdotal, but I wasn't involved in the fandom for a long period because of personal stuff (I still kept up with the member's solo projects though), and I was surprised at how much engagement km fan twt accounts get now or just how many big ones there are. At least from my memory a couple years ago, I don't remember km accounts (not just "shipping" stuff, but also accounts for km moments, etc.) getting as many likes and followers as they seem to have now, so I do wonder if the tides are turning (would make sense given recent events, rumors, etc. for tkkers to lessen imo).

They decide what is the "truth" based on if it already supports what they believe.

that's really the entire crux of the problem, nonny. instead of regularly examining their own beliefs and assumptions based on information as it comes out, they simply figure out how they can fit the information into the belief. the ways they come to their conclusions are filled with so many fallacies that it's usually not even worth addressing because if someone is willing to twist themselves into that many knots over their beliefs then theyre not actually going to listen to logic.

and dont get me wrong, shippers of all kinds do this, but i have never seen it with such frequency and aggression as the tkk crowd. once i saw someone on tiktok claim that jk only ever mentions th on his lives. when they were told that jk does indeed talk about other members on live (they'd know if they watched og content instead of just socmed clips), the person actually refused to believe it. that's not only absurd, but it brings me to my whole conclusion about why tkkrs constantly write off and redefine moments from other pairings (and obviously especially jikook):

if tkkrs took in all the information without trying to fit it into a pre-established narrative, their ship would fall apart. even if we assume that every other pairing in bts is platonic only, tkk does not hold up. the things they do for each other, say about each other, the things others say about them, the amount of time they spend together and activities they do, the way they touch and cuddle and joke, none of it truly stands apart from the rest of their friendships. especially when we take vmn and jikook into consideration. so the only way to make romantic tkk make sense is by simply ignoring or rewriting reality.

they have to imagine that jk only cooks for th, only sings for th, only spends free time with th, only does this that and the other thing for th because if they acknowledge that jk doesn't do these things for th exclusively, what do they have? (also it's really fucking weird that their entire ship seems to hang in the balance on what jk does – they really are so threatened with how jk behaves with jm that they're constantly trying to redirect that attention from jk to th.)

as a jikooker, i am sure you have heard so many of us talk about exclusivity and consistency, and tkk just does not have that. 🤷‍♂️ i enjoy seeing tkk together and i enjoy their friendship but at the end of the day, that's all you can glean from their interactions unless you start making stuff up.

as for engagement from army in general on jikook, i do think that a lot of the time the lack of it comes from fear because fandom culture as a whole has become so volatile towards rps. but why is it that jikook comments are automatically seen as more shippy than ones about other pairings? that's what doesnt make sense unless everyone else is seeing what we're seeing. talking about the "sus" stuff between jikook forces people to acknowledge that it is actually sus and that makes them uncomfortable because nobody wants to be branded a shipper in our current fandom climate.

but yes, imo there has been a turn in tides for jikook within the fandom. i talked about it before that jikook began gaining popularity quickly in 2017 which was then solidified with gcft. i think that the 'jikook wave' so to speak probably won't ebb unless we actually see a shift in their dynamics or they start dating other people. i am really curious to see the state of the fandom and jikookers after military service tbh.

[0809sysblings]

Amane, indoctrination, and gaslighting

and why voting Amane innocent would be the best course of action

I've been wanting to write a big post on Amane talking about indoctrination and such. Because I see takes sometimes that make it clear the person doesn't really... Get It.

Most of what I'll be explaining comes from my personal experiences growing up.

Additionally, most of what I say when it comes to outcomes (i.e. "If x happens, Amane will do y") will be based on the assumption that realism, not entertainment, is prioritized in the writing and that there are no major holes in our knowledge of what's going on. Theoretically anything could happen since this is a fictional scenario and we don't know everything when it comes to the world, the cases, and the characters. Not to mention my situation was nowhere near as extreme as hers. So although I probably have a better understanding of it than most people, I definitely can't claim that I know what she's gone through.

Personal anecdotes I add to better support my points will be in the small font (this!) since I don't want them to distract from the main text and so that they can be easily skipped for those who may be worried about being triggered. But if anyone needs plain text descriptions, I'll happily provide them!

!! TW for child abuse, religious abuse, and cults !!

I recommend skipping my personal anecdotes if more detailed discussions about these topics are a trigger for you.

At the heart of "good" (read: successful) indoctrination is gaslighting.

Since gaslighting has been one of the many psychology terms completely watered down and distorted by the internet, I will define it just so we're all on the same page!

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation used to make the victim question their own sanity, sense of reality, or power of reasoning.

Basically, you can't trust yourself. You can't trust your thoughts, your feelings, your interpretations, etc. You become completely reliant on other people (usually specific people who are the ones doing the gaslighting) to figure out what's real/true or not.

Toxic/extremist religious groups like to take gaslighting a step further though. Not only do they make it so you cannot trust yourself to judge what is right or not, they may also teach you that what feels wrong is actually right. You can see where this can start to cause some issues lol.

Anything your gut may tell you that contradicts what the group/cult leaders tell you—"this is wrong!", "this is bad!", "I don't want to do this..."—must be ignored. Because those feelings and thoughts, according to the leaders, are actually the sinful part of you trying to lead the good and faithful part of you astray. They make you question yourself to make sure you never question them.

They will figuratively or literally beat this into you until your first instinct is no longer to listen to your gut and do what it says, but to dismiss it and do what it's telling you not to do. Existing becomes a chronic power struggle between your unconscious mind and your conscious mind. Unfortunately, the fact that you're struggling often then gets used against you as proof that you need to follow their teachings. Because if you're unhappy, then you must be doing something wrong. You just need to have a little more faith, dedicate a little more time to the religion/group, go a little harder into your duties... Only then will you feel better—feel more enlightened.

An integral part in making all this work is isolation. If you don't somehow isolate the members, they may figure out that they're being manipulated and abused.

Now, isolation doesn't always mean purely physical isolation (though Amane is being isolated physically to at least some capacity). Psychological isolation is almost just as powerful. An almost universal psychological isolation tactic used by extremist groups and cults is the "Us vs Them" mentality. We can see this being very prominent with Amane. A lot of things she talks about with regard to the cult involves an Us-vs-Them dynamic. There is "Us", the cult, and "Them", everyone else.

Personally, we were taught that those who weren't believers of our religion were out to get us or will, at the very least, get us hurt/killed somehow. We were told many people wanted us dead just for being believers. You had to be careful and watch out when interacting with non-believers; you couldn't trust them. God was constantly testing you via others, and you had to make sure you stayed faithful.

This in particular is why no matter if you vote guilty or innocent, that itself will not actually do anything to change her beliefs. Voting her guilty will not make her start to feel bad and then question her beliefs. Voting her innocent will not make her listen to us and then question her beliefs. If we make her have any doubt about the cult, that's just proof to her that what we're telling her is wrong and is just another "trial" from God for her to overcome. So, changing her beliefs should not be a factor considered when voting since it's completely irrelevant. Everything can be twisted to support the cult. That's just how it works.

I don't think any amount of punishment will make Amane "come to her senses". I mean... what could we possibly do to her that she hasn't already had to endure? Punishment will likely only escalate things even more. Not to mention that having a bit of a fascination with martyrdom isn't all that uncommon in those who have been religiously abused and indoctrinated. The threat of punishment may only serve to motivate her to double down on her beliefs and behavior. Not to say she wants and likes punishment. It's obvious she's both scared of punishment and wants it to stop. After all, that's most likely the motive behind the murder.

Even prior to Amane's age, I was already fantasizing about being a martyr. A part of me almost wanted to be killed for my religion and community. It was seen as something extremely admirable. The ultimate sacrifice, if you will. We were taught that if given the choice between saving yourself by denying your faith or letting yourself be hurt/killed by standing your ground, you should choose the latter. Of course, I also did not want that to happen at all. It scared me shitless. But we weren't allowed to be scared about that stuff. It was seen as questioning God and the religious authorities, which was completely taboo. So I had no choice but to "want" it.

Isolating Amane is the worst possible thing we could do to her. No one gets better from being isolated, and this goes double for people living in abusive environments. She's been isolated her whole life. The best thing for her would be spending time with the other prisoners without restrictions. The more time she spends around people who have no connection to the cult, the better. Trying to argue with those in cults about why they're wrong and why they are in a cult (because most don't even recognize they're in a cult due to the gaslighting, indoctrination, and stigma) will almost always backfire. The best thing to do is to just be there for them to have someone to interact with who is not a cult member.

The only reason I left the extremist religious community I grew up in was because I made a friend who was not affiliated with it. I don't think I would've been able to see that the conditions I was living in were Not Very Good without that friend. He didn't even really do anything to actively help me. Just learning more about the real world through him was enough to make me start looking closer at my life.

To vote her guilty would be to continue isolating her. Not just physically as the guilty prisoners get restrictions put on them, but it's also an inescapable psychological isolation. Innocent vs Guilty is just another Us vs Them dynamic.

I fear that, if she ends up guilty this trial, she will likely be voted guilty again in trial 3. Her aggression will probably only escalate as she feels herself becoming more and more cornered. And since I know many people are voting her guilty solely to make sure she doesn't hurt Shidou or other prisoners, I can only imagine what the voting will look like for her in trial 3 once she's forced to become even more aggressive to protect herself.

And tbh... I can't imagine that having a prisoner with 3 guilty verdicts will make for all that interesting of a story for them. Not that it would be boring, per se. But having variety would, in my opinion, be the most interesting and entertaining! So, if nothing else I've said has been able to sway those who vote her guilty, then think about the entertainment factor!

Please vote this severely traumatized 12 y/o girl innocent. We can give her so many secret cakes to eat.

[strangelittlestories]

Today I plan to tell you That I love you.

The words lurk all day Lurching, lost, round my stomach Rattling up my throat Occasionally threatening To rock up early And open themselves to strangers.

I keep them on track Barely.

Finally, After dinner, (Vodka fog from ill-advised cocktails  Thickening in my eyes) I open my mouth Heart pumping pure sincerity And what comes out (those sweet three little words) is:

“I hate buses.”

“What?” You’re not angry (Yet)

“I really mean it.”  This is true. But in a minute My brain will catch up to my heart.

“What?!?” You repeat. Louder. Amused, but perturbed. The bartender is watching us Like dinner theatre.

Currently, this is an amusing non-sequitur. I could brush this off Let the ill-timed thought wend  its lopsided way onwards And this will be a cute anecdote.

Instead, I run after it. I chase that thought down Like I am fleeing justice.

“The thing about buses, right? Is that you never know when they’ll turn up.”

“There are literally schedules On the bus stops.” You reply, Carried along in the slipstream Of my accelerating rant.

“Schedules are at the mercy of traffic And traffic is god of chaos That calls judgement down from uncaring skies In a blare of horn honks. Don’t talk to me about schedules.”

“*Fine*. I won’t.” The tenor of that ‘fiiine’ Is a warning light. I ignore it.

“Buses turn up when they feel like it, They always take longer than you think (Because - again - traffic exists And none of us are free of sin) They don’t go where you think half the time, There is So Much Waiting And every part of the journey Is out of your control. I would rather walk for hours, I would rather cancel plans, I would hire an e-scooter Even though I think they’re Very Silly Rather than take one bus. I’d say that buses are my own personal hell But at least with hell, I know I will *get there* And I’ll be on time.”

“Sweetheart…” You say. And the warning light in your voice Flashes red Klaxons are sounding Someone is calling the president And texting their family To tell them - ironically, given how this started - That they love them. “...what the *flip*?”

I puff myself full of indignance Ready to let these fiery feelings Run their route When the right words Finally wend their weary way To my stop. I deflate And flag them down.

“I got a bus here.” I say. “Even though I hated it. I repeatedly get buses to see you Because you live far away Near no good transport And it’s quicker than walking. Just.”

“What are you trying to say?” You take my hand And it’s like you know The map of me.

“I don’t know my own feelings Most of the time. They roam where they will They keep no schedule They conform neither to the laws Of gods nor mortals

I spent a lot of time waiting for them When I was young And eventually I worked out I’ll only know they exist When they’re taking me somewhere. Often where I don’t want to go.

I know that I love you When I realise I am willing To go out of my way If it brings me to you In the end.

Because love is not just a thing That squats in your chest It’s actions you choose to take And I only notice it When I verb the noun And realise I’ve changed my life To fit it On purpose.

And I took a bus to get here To you Even though I hated it.”

And you say: “Gods you’re so fudging weird. ... I’d get a bus for you too.”

[pomefioredove]

Wahhh I love your writings so so so much and you absolutely deserve 500 and more ToT seeing your posts always makes my day!! I saw the match-up event and knew I had to join, it'll be my first time trying one of those!

It is kinda hard to describe myself... Which I guess says something about me? I'm a total homebody, finding comfort in solitude and the sort of freedom that comes with being able to express myself, by myself, with no restraint. But even then, there's nothing I don't love about the bustling nighttime, basking in the sort of romantic air of the evening as I admire the city lights and the ambience of energy.

I'm the type of person that finds myself in people. For better or for worse, my presence is determined by those I choose to be around... So overall I'm a big people pleaser and am kind of starved for good friendships and affection, having always had a hard time keeping connections or finding people that truly want to be with me, which in turn makes me a bit of a loner, I suppose... I do truly yearn though lol, so the want for connection is still there, raging within. It's almost a painful sort of pining, because I never hold a grudge.. Even if someone does wrong by me, I will always be ready to welcome them again with open arms. I'm fiercely loyal, so I long to have people reciprocate that.

I adore anything that keeps my mind going and gives me that feeling of satisfaction and indulgence... I would say I find that feeling in my passion for art, writing, and reading... analysing my favorite movies and literature, getting to notice little things about the people around me and storing them in the back of my mind as little anecdotes I can smile about. Putting myself in the shoes of others, letting my imagination go wild— that small balcony full of potted plants is so beautiful and cozy, I wonder what the interior of the home is like, then... Small, full of zen, with warm lights? That person on the sidewalk, waiting for the bus with headphones on, they look like they would like jazz, or maybe something more upbeat?

Im also a dreamer, I guess I can describe it as such haha. Im a hopeless romantic by heart, yet sometimes I find myself feeling a twinge of apprehension at the thought of truly being in a relationship... Maybe it's because it's uncharted territory, or it's because that "dreaming" side of me has that sort of "prince charming" fantasy that I've always wished for, even on a more realistic level. But even then, I know I can be patient and let time do it's thing while I focus on bettering my own future, and finding happiness and comfort in myself in the meanwhile.

I feel like maybe I've made this a bit too long haha.,,, take your time, and have a wonderful day! 🩷🩷

I match you with 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐮𝐬 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐚

anon I hope that you were purposefully trying to get him. I think you might actually be his soulmate oh my god

The First Impression:

Do you believe in love at first sight? Malleus does.

The connection is immediate. He's drawn to you like a moth to a flame, and conversing with you only enchants him more. Perhaps you bump into each other somewhere in the dead of night, or maybe you're just classmates, either way he simply knows.

Why He Fell:

Malleus soon finds himself purposefully seeking out your company, wanting to get closer but not sure how. This whole "friendship" thing is quite new to him, after all, and he doesn't want to scare you off.

There's no telling what exactly it is that makes him fall in love, but he falls, and he falls hard. He relishes in every moment you spend together, whether it's talking about your shared passion for the arts, or listening to you describe dreams. Your perspective on life is so... fascinating to him, he can simply never get enough of it. Your attention to detail, your appreciation of the little things, your ceaseless curiosity and active imagination, the care you feel for strangers... You quite literally change his world view.

Perhaps he's not exactly a prince charming, but he's close enough.

The Relationship:

There's a sense of understanding between the two of you when it comes to your loneliness. Later on, Malleus will question if he could tell that you felt as isolated as he did when he first saw you, if that was what drew him closer. But he doesn't put much thought into it. You enchanted him, and that's enough of a reason.

Though, perhaps, in the end, it's that shared loneliness that drives you together again and again. Your fierce loyalty, your craving for love and affection. You make each other feel safe and secure, which is all Malleus could really ask for at the end of the day.

He truly grows into himself during the course of your relationship, becoming a more stable, caring, and emotionally intelligent version of himself. You truly bring out the very best in him, and he can only hope he does the same for you.

There are awkward moments, of course, being two people that have no prior relationship experience. There's miscommunication, the occasional bruised ego, but there's truly nothing that could tear you apart. Malleus is devoted, reliant on his loved ones in such a way that perfectly mirrors your loyalty, and the both of you are quick to forgive and talk and move on. Probably the healthiest relationship to ever healthy.

He absolutely adores you from beginning to end.

[poognthebrainbois]

Rant/vent about current denial spiral under the cut - some context first: (*extremely brief mention of abuse/SA, medical history mention)

Had a fight with my mom about why I "still think it's DID." There were a lotta layers to that conversation, including:

- My (our) experiences don't line up with all the "research" she's done about DID

- according to her, co-consciousness doesn't exist and "you would have no idea there's another person [controlling your body], you can't be 'standing behind, watching.'"

- she doesn't trust anecdotal/personal experience of actual systems because "that's just people on the internet making up whatever they want"(paraphrase)

- she had also never heard of OSDD before. Even though she claimed she knows all about the DSM-5.

(medical trauma/history mention)

- I was never *physically abused or SA'd, therefore I don't have trauma. (She doesn't believe in emotional/verbal abuse, and all my *medical trauma/history was during/right after my birth (I was born 10 weeks early, had a surgery while in the NICU) so it doesn't count [I can't disagree with that])

(Might make a separate vent post about what we consider possible trauma that she "doesn't count")

- she told me "it sounds like you found something and stuck to it" (paraphrase) (meaning I learned about DID and just decided that was my problem.)

- made the same sweeping generalizations as always about my entire generation "wanting to be different" and "wanting to have something wrong [with us]"

(Again, I could make a separate vent post about what she says during literally every argument)

- told me (us) to "stop saying 'we' for Christ's sake!" (We will not.)

- she decided I (we) need to bring her "actual sources" of why I (we) believe it's DID/OSDD.

Which meant to us that we were gonna stay up all night doing extensive research.

Or that was the plan, before the denial set in.

(Recreation of Denial spiral below, just to throw it out to the void and be able to come back to it later to disprove I guess?? Could be triggering (lots of repetitive phrases, disbelief of trauma, derealization/depersonalization, there's a lot in here.)

What if she's right and I'm not a system? What if it's not DID or OSDD and I'm just desperate to make it into something? What if I actually don't have trauma and I'm secretly an endo??? (Any headmate tries to talk to me) You're not real, shut up. Why did I do this to myself? I ruined my life over something that's not even happening! Why did I let it get this far? Why am I still perpetuating this if it's not true?? It was never a problem until I did weed and "opened doors" that was just weed! I'm making up trauma that's not real! I want so bad to be traumatized so I can feel justified to be mad at my parents when really I'm just an entitled little bitch who's never had anything happen to them and needs to pretend they're worse off than they are! She has real trauma! She's actually been through real abuse and they've never done anything to me other than yell and that doesn't mean anything and I'm just a crybaby for being scared of getting yelled at they never actually threaten me (why do you remember the "I'll give you something to cry about" threat/phrase then???) and I cried over nothing all the time for no reason and I've just always been afraid of nothing. I can't believe I'm actually sitting here thinking about doing all this research just to prove a point?? Just to prove her wrong? That doesn't mean anything! That's not a good reason! I shouldn't even bother. This is a waste of my time. I should just tell her she's right and move on. It's not DID and (Losing my train of thought trying to write this, Jesus) I've just convinced myself it is but it's not. I've made it out to be more than it is so they'll care and that didn't work anyway. I can't believe this is happening right now. There's no way I got this far. That all of this really happened over nothing. They were just characters in my head! Why did I ever start believing more than that when I don't have trauma! Nothing that bad has ever happened to me and all these thoughts that keep coming up are fake and even if some of this stuff was trauma it wasn't in my childhood so it's not relevant. I spend too much time on the internet and I shouldn't just believe all of this stuff. What do I think I'm actually "relating" too? I should've just left it at Maladaptive Daydreaming and been fine. I've made everything worse for myself. There was a reason I stopped doing research on DID years ago! 'Cause I don't have trauma and I can't sit here and pretend I do. Why am I doing this?

(Etc etc etc. Front changed while writing this. I've been in co the whole time but Parker needed to step back for their own comfortability.)

We went back n forth for a while about a bunch of this stuff. Had a number of headmates hop in co-front just to prove a point, only for Parker to continue to tell them they're not real and it's "all me and I'm faking" bro you are at that point proving a point to yourself but okay.

Anyway, eventually Kiara took front and started on research anyway. We were up til 5am. Didn't finish but marked all our tabs so we could go back and finish it up the next day (yesterday). Did not get back to it yesterday 'Cause Parker got anxious.

We now have a deadline to present this shit. We've got a psych appointment tomorrow morning and Mom's leaving on Thursday to visit a friend. So we should get to it today. But they're really not ready for that conversation. Unfortunately we (Lio) told our psychiatrist that we might actually get to that conversation with our parents before our next appointment so now Parker feels like we have to. And if we don't then they'll be anxious about it the entire time Mom's gone which is also not productive.

There's a worry that if any of the rest of us try to explain it then it won't be taken seriously because we're not them. This whole situation is exhausting. We weren't planning on trying to have this conversation yet and now we're so rushed and there's a lot more pressure.

In any case, there's a chance we'll post an update if/when it happens.

If you've read this far, any kind of support would be appreciated. <3

-❤️

[jesfern]

Just listened to the dolls of new Albion and wow I love it so much. The music is so good and not a single one of the characters is capable of loving normally, there is so much wrong with every single one of them. Please listen to this musical it is genuinely brilliant.

I may have rambled a bit under the cut:

Annabel - literally resurrects the man she kissed ONCE in SCHOOL into the body of a doll that can't talk. The song Annabel has a doll is so tragic to me, because you can hear the hurt from her past seeping through it. The way she is so childlike in it as if this is the first chance she's truly had to be a child, and the small little anecdotes about her father, you really see why she is like this, and you pity her - she is just a small girl who was forced to grow up so soon that she never got a chance to grow up. But in the end she does come out of this dream and sees that the doll is unhappy and lets it die again, and you feel so sorry for her, but also glad that she manages to let go finally, even though it takes her a while.

Edgar - this man is genuinely awful WHAT is wrong with him, he gets rejected by a woman, goes into the attic out of depression, finds the formula to resurrect people and thinks hmm I could make a business out of this, but it's also his insane revenge driven plan to get the woman back so he orders people to financially ruin the man she is currently with, and if that wasn't messed up enough, then BLACKMAILS her into being with him by resurrecting her father and saying she can't speak to him unless they get married. He sucks so bad he exploits people's grief for profit that he uses purely to manipulate a woman into being with him, who clearly stated that she absolutely did not want him. I actually really like him as a character because he is so irredeemable in such a human and unpleasant way. I don't know what it is about characters who suck but I enjoy them a lot. He was also played by Tim Ledsam in the production I watched which was a jumpscare. I was not expecting the Mechanisms in my musical. It didn't help that he was wearing basically the exact same clothes as gunpowder Tim. That may be part of the reason I love him, but I do genuinely enjoy characters that are Like That, for some godforsaken reason.

Byron - another interesting one. WHY are you in love with the doll that has the resurrected spirit of your grandfather in it, that's slightly disturbing, also why are you trying to elect him as mayor he can't speak? He fascinates and baffles me. The way he doesn't really see the doll as a person, just forcing what he believes it should be onto it is a bit reminiscent of Annabel, but he doesn't realise he is wrong, he is just living in his own little world and doesn't notice that the real world is burning around him until it is too late and just doesn't listen to anything else.

Priscilla - arguably the most sane person here, she still dies for the doll, but she listens to Jasper and understands him, she is just trying to end this torment and let him be happy. "Circles never stop themselves" is an insane line and the reversal of the "sometimes when you win you lose" form earlier to "sometimes when you lose you win" I am not okay about. The way everyone before her has desperately tried to cling to the things they desire, sacrificing everything to have things that they ultimately can't and all it does is cause pain. Then she comes along and has only the thing she wants, she has Jasper, but she gives it up willingly because she understands that even though she wants this, it's hurting him and she can't hold on to what she loves forever because the world doesn't work like that. She learns to let go in a way none of the other generations did. And she breaks the circle.

[gffa]

Final thoughts on Jedi: Battle Scars:  

The book never really transcends the foundational problems it has in the way it was structured, that the central relationship between Merrin and a new character is never given any time to let the audience know who this new person is and no amount of lip service paid to it in-book about how Merrin doesn’t know why she fell so hard and fast for Fret can overcome that we the audience don’t know, either.  They don’t even really flirt or have fun banter, they just immediately dive into a relationship, one that’s supposedly about “letting Merrin be angry”, in a way she can’t be angry with Cal and Cere and Greez, but none of that is actually in the relationship, it’s all soft kisses and playful nipping at shoulders and thinking about hands, it says it’s a relationship with teeth, but doesn’t really have any.  They literally hold hands while on a recon mission!

And that’s not even getting into how they literally have sex in Cal’s room, on his bed with the door green fired shut, you know, the guy who touches things and is pulled into sense memories of things that happen on the spots he touches, that guy’s bed.  Despite that Merrin has her own room.

This relationship turns Cal into an awkward third wheel where he has very little internal world aside from clearly pining after Merrin, being irrationally jealous of Fret’s relationship with her, and thinking about how the Mantis crew is family.  They’re a family.  Did you know they’re a family?  Because they’re a family.  And also family.

I rolled my eyes at the attachment = romance conversation Cal and Cere had, given that that’s not how the movies and TCW use it, but it was reasonably mild and I’m kind of used to books fucking that up.

Cere is the character that actually comes off best in this, she’s struggling with her desire to not fight anymore, to be constantly focused on tearing the Empire down, and instead building the Jedi Order and their legacy up again.  It’s not touched on a lot, beyond one conversation, but it’s probably the best tension of the book, that Cal wants to keep fighting, but Cere wants to start building, and neither of them know which is the right path or if this means they’re starting to diverge from each other.  Survival vs living is a good theme for Jedi in the Empire era and I was intrigued.

Cere’s second conversation with Cal has a great bit about the dark side and why she doesn’t use the dark side against the Inquisitor like she did with Vader--she says, "The dark side of the Force, your potential connection to it is not something to turn on and off like a faucet. It's not a switch you flick when you need it. It's the first step on a road you often can't get off once you start down it. It was successful when I used it against Vader, but it was the wrong thing to do. Jedi can't judge everything based on success. We must judge our actions on whether they were right, and in service of the light.”  BANGER QUOTE.

There’s also a very cute anecdote Cal shares about Master Jaro, I was touched.  ;__;

Cere and Merrin have a conversation while on stake-out that was genuinely delightful, because we know they have a connection already and so the background work was already done for us, and so when they just quietly understand each other or have a moment of shared feelings, it works great.

Occasionally the book gets weird about how it seems to forget what world its set in, like when Cal and Merrin are gleefully killing Stormtroopers, like Cal is envious of Merrin getting to “have a good time killing Stormtroopers”.  Which, yes, this is a spin-off of a video game where you kill a lot of Stormtroopers but Christ alive Cal is still a Jedi, it’s weird to write him as being so cavalier towards taking lives.

The plot of the book was pretty paint by the numbers--do run of the mill mission, get wrapped up in a chase after a MacGuffin, find the MacGuffin, realize the dealer is actually bad, have a few run-ins with the Inquisitor, save the day.  There’s nothing really to spark anything here, it’s just there.

Final Verdict: Borrow this one from the library if you’re interested in the characters, but over half of this story being taken up by a Merrin/OC story that seems to primarily be about being a pansexual f/f relationship, instead of actually developing that relationship, really disappointed me.  I was so, so ready for pansexual Merrin in a super queer relationship, but there was nothing for me to grab onto with it, it’s everything I dislike about f/f, especially with a character like Merrin who actually should have some teeth to her, and then it started pulling Cal into this weird love triangle that was genuinely completely unnecessary and didn’t even go anywhere!  I was exhausted by every scene of it. I was so ready for a book about Merrin struggling with her magick because she’s not really in a great space, but that storyline also felt like it was all tell and not nearly enough show.  This Merrin never felt like she had any real edges to her and maybe I’m just biased, I just read The Locked Tomb trilogy where I had an entire array of lesbian and pansexual/bisexual characters who got to have so many gloriously sharp edges and softer sides, so much glorious banter that made me give a shit about them, that this book just can’t measure up to that. There are some lovely moments scattered throughout the books, basically anything with Cere had my attention, and one really excellent scene with her and Cal talking about survival vs living.  Greez was solid, never great and never terrible, never quite capturing the charm of the game’s charisma.  Everything else is fine, if kind of forgettable. I switched to the audiobook about halfway through, which I think helped a lot, but ultimately:  Borrow from the library if you feel up to it, but if you skip it, don’t feel bad.

[dykephan]

hi, totally agree with you about the december getting together thing and just wanted to add on to a few points. One about online perceptions and stuff is they mightve both wanted to have this appearance of a cool, sexy, mysterious, emo guy on the internet who is "mature" and has casual sex all the time nbd lol and not wanting to seem clingy. Its kind of embarrasing to want more sometimes (its cheesy, its meant to be). For Dan I also dont think he would want Phil to see him as an obsessed fan (also the age thing) so putting up a nonchalant front would help put them on more even footing. For Phil its just like you already said mainly and not wanting to scare Dan off, following Dan's lead. Also Dan just getting out of a longterm relationship and being 18 he might not have been inclined to tie himself down quick when he was single for the first time in a bit, especially to someone who lives far away, but then obv realized this thing with Phil wasnt just going to be some casual fling. Also lol this "reveal" was not weird/ suprising to me bcos of my own experience of being with this girl for like 3 ish months had been friends previously we were having sex and saying we loved eachother etc but whole time being like we're not dating though lol

oh 100% agree, especially when you're at that age it's sooo embarrassing to admit you do want to find someone who cares about you and enriches your life and shares a future with you... it's so much easier to flirt with strangers online and pretend you're too cool to feel any particular way about it. like you said, i think it comes down to both of them realizing that this was not going to be some casual fling. and 2 months is honestly no time at all considering how much they had to think about & plan for!!

also yeah i agree it wasn't surprising to me it was more just like. first of all like holy shit why are you sharing this information with me unprompted are you sure you meant to say that?? second of all, i guess i didn't KNOW until i KNEW. it's one thing to look at the things they posted around that time period and make guesses, but hearing it out loud made me feel sooooo dumbfounded. idk why but that one hit me way harder than the tour bus thing...

anyway let me share a personal anecdote here because it's only fair after i've invaded their privacy i should embarrass myself a little fksjfks many years ago i started talking to a tumblr mutual and we got super close as friends, we spent literally hours talking every night and we'd even fall asleep on skype just to be with each other. i told her things i have still never told anyone else in my life. and ofc there was heavyy flirting which was fun except i have horrible commitment issues.. doing all this online didn't feel as scary and real to me. but then we made plans to actually travel and meet up, and i started getting. idk. itchy 😭 but i did go across the country to meet her and it was such a perfect weekend, she was so funny and beautiful and even more magnetic in person. it clarified my feelings about her in a way that chatting online never could, but also it scared the shit out of me and so when that weekend was over i went back home and i told her i couldn't do it anymore and that was it. we tried to be friends after that but it just wasn't the same and neither of us had our hearts in it. i still think about her and hope she's doing well but we haven't talked in years

so basically i'm living in the dark dan and phil timeline where they filmed pinof and then said okay bye dude 👍🏻 fuck my stupid baka life

[greatbigbellies]

Question for you, do you ever tell romantic partners about this blog or your kinks, and if so, how does one go about doing that?

Yes, actually!

I'm gonna preface this with my usual "take my advice with a grain of salt, I'm not you and your partner is not one of my partners" but since it's pertinent and might help with someone's confidence I'll kinda run through how it's happened for me.

I've had 3 serious partners so far through my life, and all three have known about my kinks. In all three cases, it was basically them inquiring about it first, I didn't broach the topic. It was pretty much always an angle of "we should know what the other person is into for relationship reasons", so there was never any prying. I'm always a liiiittle nervous telling people for the first time, since I've had my kinks, specifically my pregnancy kink, very poorly misinterpreted before. But in each case, they were always super chill, there was very light, brief teasing at worst. It never felt bad or like I was being made to share. TBH the thing I've run into most is me going "I have a pregnancy kink" and someone going "oh so like you're into breeding" and I have to go "no, no, not breeding. Not the baby making. Like, pregnancy, like that process and the visuals that come with it. Belly, stretchmarks, waddle, that stuff".

As far as knowing about this blog? That's a smaller sample size, because this blog didn't exist during the first two relationships. The one person I was with at the time did know about it, but it wasn't even a matter of me telling them outright. It was literally like... a little after I did writing commissions back in 2021. We were chatting and discussing "would you write smut for money" and I just straight up went "oh I have lol" and when they asked what platform I told them here on tumblr. It was a pretty one-and-done thing. Very nonchalant. Honestly they respected the hustle more than being jarred that I had a kink blog.

I realize these anecdotes are probably not super helpful, especially if you're looking for ideas to tell a partner about having a kink blog. The reason I didn't feel the need to like... expressly "come clean" about it is because, at least for me and my partner at the time, we didn't need to know each others full internet presence. If you think the person you're dating would be upset to learn that you have a kink blog that they don't know about, then maybe it's a priority? But honestly, it's... functionally like owning a porn collection. It's just digital, and people can follow it, but really that's kind of all it is? It's not traditional "two people banging" type porn but like, we know why we're here. IMO it's not something super important that needs announcing, unless your partner is looking for ideas of what you like to spice things up.