#little do they know the actual story of how he got stabbed is even crazier when you add context

[aflamboyanceofflamingos]

The Batfam finds out Tim doesn’t have a spleen and instead of explaining he just says that he’s never had a spleen, directly contradicting years of medical examination, but gets away with because of the two options- Getting stabbed vs. forging medical records since he was a kid- the one that’s less believable is usually the true one when it comes to Tim. Not to mention, he has a history of forging things that don’t exist.

[indigosprite]

as for the requests - im gently asking for Squalo and Lussuria work husbands pwease!!

so much taste here Anon. No problem. (Not edited so sorry for any mistakes I did write this while half asleep bc, fun ideas)

Characters: Squalo, Lussuria

Wc: 1k

Tags: Blood, injury. Drunk Squalo

It’s safe to say the Varia’s private jet had seen worse days so the rain guardian bleeding and spilling scotch all over its seats was nothing too bad. Lussuria tried to calm the shark as best he could but his encouraging words fell on deaf ears. Blood covered part of the table and most of his white T-Shirt which was nothing new for the sun guardian.

“If you keep doing that they’ll burst again Squ” Lussuria whined in frustration watching the fresh stitches threaten to do more damage the crazier squalos rampage got. “I really don’t give a fuck” Squalo spat sitting back up, he waved his left arm around again “I hate that fuckin brat I’m not a fuckin personal assistant” he continued. A knowing smile spread upon Lussuria’s face, he was done being angry for now. All he would do is drunkenly complain about their boss throw up and pass out. This was the closest squalo got to vacations these days and the sun guardian enjoyed his personal invite to these things. Being in the Varia was so demanding and left little room for a proper social life so naturally they took what they could get. They weren’t proper friends or anything it was circumstantial at best. Squalo was too serious, and Lussuria was too fuckin happy. On the flip side there were only two adults he could befriend and one was so far up xanxus’s ass Lussuria wanted to bequeath his title as “the gay one”. Squalo had some good qualities, He was a good listener and surprisingly extremely patient (and this in no way means he didn’t yell at you mid story. It just means he’d let you continue after he was done.) he could also be talked in to just about anything like drinking his weight in cocktails, going sight seeing and enjoying some of it and most importantly to get Lussuria out of his hair (literally) he’d let the man style him occasionally. It would be a while before Squalo let himself be talked into any of these things again seeing how a simple cross country grocery trip went left. “Well dear the groceries weren’t exactly the problem…” he confessed trying to put squalos hair into a loose ponytail so he could get a better look at his back. “It was those sloppy lower ranked goons, honestly squ even a Newbie wouldn’t get themselves caught in their own explosions”. He thought back to the warehouse and how they had suspected there was a trap but had completely forgotten the possibility that the ones bold enough to try and attack the Varia were proper idiots. The moment they also looked confused as the flash of orange behind them began to push forward taking three of their members with it he knew they were in danger. An idiot is ironically more likely to get a scratch on someone than a calculated fighter. You can’t study an idiot and they will sure as hell destroy everything in their path even themselves. Lussuria looked over at one of the wooden crates and kissed his teeth at the charred edges. Their exact order was somewhat hindered by the shenanigans but they’d be fools to show up empty handed.

“If they all weren’t dead already I’d go back and stab them” his grip around the glass tightened momentarily as Lussuria dragged another alcohol wipe across his scratches. Squalo deeply regretted not using him as a shield. Lussuria for the most part was unscathed, Squalo on the other hand had been blown against a wall initially which he could take any day. But the explosion had been so intense it actually ripped his prosthetic off leaving him with nothing to guard himself from the shrapnel coming his way. Lussuria had his metal fuckin knee and a wall. It’s not rational but he blames this on him too, he was drunk he no longer had to have a reason. “Turn” was all Lussuria said finishing up on his back. Squalo did as told but not before finishing his drink. Lussuria held his forearm examining the stump, it was clearly bruised around his wrist and scraped up at the top. The sight of squalo without his prosthetic was very rare and to be tending to it felt unnatural. “I’ll never understand why you did this to yourself” lussuria mumbled getting to work with a fresh wipe. “Nobody would.” He spoke confidently not at all hindered by his adolescent choice. “I mean the guy only had one hand all you had to do was tie yours behind your back” Lussuria went on opening the first aid kit looking at the bandages. Squalo grumbled something taking his arm back massaging the area beneath the missing limb. “If I don’t fully commit to anything then there’s no sense in me taking on the damn challenge in the first place.” He explained as Lussuria finally picked a bandage. “I don’t know whether it is admirable or depressing that you’ve always been this high strung” he confessed spraying an antiseptic on the stump and fanning it. “Fuck is that supposed to mean?” Squalo snapped, which would have sounded much more angry had he not been slurring half his words. “Nothinggg you just …seem to put yourself on the line for things that don’t necessarily require it.” He began to carefully wrap the base of the stump with way more skill than he should possess. “Luss I’m too drunk for this” he sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. They somehow always ended their jobs drunk and talking about how they should try new things or overthrow xanxus or get new hair cuts. It always stayed between them. So the rain spoke freely “if you don’t give up something for this family you get nothing back.” My hair was a commitment, my hand a trade. Lussuria nodded in understanding before securing the end of the bandage before finally letting squalos arm go. “Does it hurt much?”

“Fuckin burns. Never had it ripped off like that”

“Well on a lighter note if we survive xanxus we get to go sword shopping for you” although he wore sunglasses Squalo knew his eyes were beaming. He smirked as well, he might like that after such a shitty week.

[porcelain-soupspoon4]

You’re Not So Bad (Isaac Foster x Reader)

A/N: I finished Angels of Death a few weeks back, and it was so good! I just had to write a short story about it. I’m not the best writer, but hopefully my first writing of this anime is somewhat close to Zack’s character.  

Warnings: Cussing, Blood Mention (it’s Zack)

You never expected to meet someone like Zack until he arrived on Floor B2. You assisted Reverend Gray, acting as another guardian of B2 after he took you in when he found you as a homeless teen, sleeping on the outside steps of his building. He wasn’t the best father figure you could’ve had, but he still treated you better than the streets did. When hearing the elevator on your floor ding, you wanted to see who was there, but Reverend Gray stopped you, warning you to be careful of the people you may meet. When you asked why, he described the people that held the names Isaac Foster and Rachel Gardner. In all honesty, you didn’t think they were actually as bad as he made them sound, considering that he over exaggerates his descriptions of people to you to keep you safe. Also considering the other psychotic people he had as guardians on the other floors, you could trust your own gut when you met the duo. You stayed hidden in the background while you watched Reverend Gray journey with Rachel to Dr. Danny’s floor. Watching them leave from the end of the hall, you saw a man in a dark brown hoodie and a scythe laying on the ground. That must be Isaac Foster. You could tell that he was bleeding out badly, a pang of guilt and empathy coursing through you. You were hesitant to approach him, remembering that the Reverend said he was dangerous to meddle with and there was a high chance he could react violently to you if you dared to try and talk. But seeing him looking on the verge of death, you couldn’t help but walk slowly toward him. It may seem unreasonable to walk right into danger, but you knew you could take care of yourself. Reverend Gray provided you with a weapon of your own, a basket-hilted sword. He helped you to perfect every swing and stab. Not only that, but you weren’t too bad at fighting hand-to-hand either. Luckily, Isaac Foster appears to be too injured to try and fight back anyway. I honestly don’t think my sword would be able to block his scythe well, I hope he doesn’t use it on me, you thought. As you got closer and closer to the strange man, he fidgeted a bit. You paused your movements, clutching the handle of your sword in its scabbard. He weakly turned his head towards you, his eyes opening slowly. 

“Who the fuck are you? You gonna try and kill me?” he questioned, a sharp tone in his voice. You noticed he made no effort to reach for his scythe, so you let go of your sword’s handle. 

“No.....I wouldn’t try to kill someone if they’re already dying,” you responded. He let out a dry laugh. 

“I hate to break it to ya sweetheart, but I’m not dying any time soon. Monsters are hard to kill. Besides, good ‘ol Rachel’s gonna fix me up. But enough of the chitter chatter, you didn’t answer my first question. Who the fuck ARE you? I thought there’s only one guardian on each floor, unless Reverend Shithead cheated,” he spat. You let out a small chuckle, finding his way of talking a throwback to when you were a teen. Although, he seemed to be around the same age as you, twenty or twenty-two years old. His bandaged face looked confused to your lighthearted reaction. He scowled, “Hey, what’s all that laughing for? I didn’t even say anything funny.” 

“Oh nothing, just thinking of my teenage days. But to answer your first question, I am another guardian of this floor. My job is assisting Reverend Gray on this floor, though I’m not really allowed to interact with the people who come here. But I uh, couldn’t help feeling a bit bad for you, seeing you bleed out like that,” you finally confessed. Letting out another dry laugh, he looked at you with a smirk. 

“Feeling bad for me, huh? Not the best decision. Don’t know if you can already tell, but I’m a cold-blooded serial killer. If I wasn’t feeling shitty at the moment, I’d cut that pretty head of yours off. Seeing you this calm around someone like me really pisses me off,” he said. You only let out another small chuckle, which irked him even more. 

“I’m sure you would, Isaac Foster. Although, I don’t think a fight between the two of us would end so quick. My weapon may be smaller than yours, but I can hold my own very well. If I could survive majority of my childhood and teen years being alone in the streets, I think I could survive you,” you calmly said. His temper apparently sky-rocketed because the next moment, he was yelling. 

“The name’s Zack, you bitch! Don’t go being so confident in yourself, it’s sickening to watch. I bet my ass could ruin all that confidence with just one land of my scythe. I’ll have you begging for your life, just you wait ‘til I’m in a better state to kill ya. Ugh, now I have two bitches to kill!” he groaned, then coughed loudly, more blood oozing out of his wound. You felt guilty again, wanting to at least stop the bleeding for a little while. 

“I carry some bandages and patches with me in case there’s a time I ever need to fix myself. If you need some I can-”

“Just leave it alone, will ya? I already got Rachel getting shit for me back on the other floor, I don’t need your damn help! Why the hell does everyone wanna help me?” 

“M’kay, but you’re bleeding pretty badly, by the time she comes back, you’ll most likely be passed out-”

“I said leave it alone! Stop tryna play nurse, your stuff probably won’t even do shit.” 

“But it’s better to stop the bleeding as soon as-”

“Will you shut up? You’re gonna make me go into shock.”

“I just wanna help-” 

“I said I don’t want any damn help!” 

“Well you won’t be much of a monster by bleeding out all over this damn floor! If you wanna at least live long enough to kill that girl Rachel, you could at least be somewhat decent and let me patch you up before you go all out, getting your own self killed instead! Now shut the fuck up and let me help! Geez! How does that blonde girl deal with you?” you shouted. Your yelling got him to close his mouth and shut up, surprised that he got someone as calm as you to get angry. How can I get her angry, but not scared shitless? It’s like she wasn’t even phased by my damn appearance, he thought. There was a short silence in the hallway, until Zack finally spoke up. “Didn’t know you had all that anger in ya. Heh, to be honest you even got my crazy self startled. I have no clue how Rachel deals with me, but all I know is her messed up head wants me to kill her. So I’ll do it. If I want to keep my promise to her.....I guess you should do what ya want. But don’t be a pervert about it.”

A small smile formed on your face as you took out your supplies in the small medical bag you carried around. 

“How the hell are you smiling after all that? Sheesh, I’m starting to think you’re even weirder than Rachel is,” Zack let out noises of disgust. You scoffed, rolling your eyes at his childlike behavior. 

“Tell me something.....,” he began to say, “why haven’t ya mentioned anything about my appearance? I’m literally covered in bandages and burnt underneath. Don’t I freak you out at all? Why aren’t ya scared?” 

“Well, I’ve seen crazier. I also don’t like to make a judgement about someone based on only their appearance. Sure you’re not ordinary looking, but I know there’s more about you than what I see on the outside,” you replied. Everything that you needed to help him was taken out. You didn’t have any type of alcohol or a sewing needle and thread to fully cover what you believed to be a deep gash in his abdomen, but it was all that could be done for now until Rachel got back. You reached over towards his wound, but hesitated. You looked him in the eyes, as if you were silently asking for permission. He nodded slightly, his breathing hitching a bit when he saw the look your eyes held. You looked so genuine, not one hint of fear in you. Was that.....kindness? No, it couldn’t be. Why would anyone show kindness to him? You unzipped his hoodie, a faint blush on your face. Sure he was an asshole, but it still felt.....somewhat intimate? Not in an inappropriate way, just in a trustworthy way. The fact he had so much trust in one stranger to help him like this.....it was odd. You undid the bandages already on him that were worn out. His wound was revealed, and so was his skin. Wow....is all of him burned? You shook your thoughts away. You grabbed a bunch of gauze sponges you had and grouped them together, beginning to apply pressure to his wound. Zack hissed at the pain, saying almost every curse word you think is in the dictionary. You let out a soft “Sorry” as you continued to clean up the big amount of blood on his body. Once you began to bandage him up tightly, Zack started up another conversation. 

“You’re different from the other guardians.....why aren’t ya trying to kill me? Isn’t that what you guardians do?” he asked curiously. You showed him another small smile. That damn smile, why does she smile so easily at me? It’s not like Rachel’s forced ass smile. What’s up with this bitch? Why is her smile so.....familiar? 

“Well, like I said before, I just assist Reverend Gray on this floor. He’s the main guardian. I’m just someone he happened to take in after he found me sleeping on the steps of this building. Heh, teenager me. Homeless after my parents abandoned me as a toddler. I’m not sure what made Reverend Gray want to keep me. Sometimes he acts like a father, but then I remember how self praising he is,” you sighed, “I know the people on the other floors kill so you expect me to be the same, but I don’t want to kill someone if they aren’t totally out of their mind.” 

“So is that why you didn’t try to kill me? Cause ya think I’m not totally out of my mind? Heh, well I’m pretty sure me killing people for fun isn’t sane either. I hate seeing people happy, sooooo I kill ‘em. What’s not psycho about that?” Zack stated. 

“Well for starters, I didn’t try to kill you because you were already injured, so it wouldn’t have been fair. And you can’t be totally out of your mind if you let me help you with your injury.” Zack scowled at your reply, knowing you were right. Even as a serial killer, he had morals. He hated lying, and he himself would never tell a lie. 

“You remind me of him too much,” he grumbled. Your head perked up. 

“Did you say something?”

“I said you talk too much.” 

“No, you definitely said something else.” 

“No I said you talk too much.” 

“Doubt it, tell me what ya really said.” 

“That is what I really said.” 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Zack.” 

“Ugh, I said you remind me of him too much,” he said softly. 

“Him?” you questioned. Zack sighed. “There was this man I met when I was younger, a blind man. He let me stay at his place for a couple days. Even after I told him I killed a guy, he still had that dumb smile on his face. He always had that smile on his face around me. It was annoying, him being so calm around someone like me. Pissed me off, but I didn’t kill him. He fed me and everything. I mean he already died cause of something else, but it doesn’t matter anyway. Are ya done with my bandages yet? It feels like it’s been hours!” 

You rolled your eyes at his commentary. “Well, whoever that man is, he had quite the patience with you.” 

“Hey! I was giving you a compliment! Geez, way to be rude!” Zack crossed his arms, turning away from you. You only chuckled once more. You finally finished wrapping enough bandages as you could, making sure it was snug enough. 

“Happy now, angry boy? I’m done. They’ll still get bloody, but at least the bandages are fresh and not worn out,” you said, giving him another smile just to annoy him. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled. “I never caught your name. Since I told ya mine, it’s only fair you tell me yours.” 

“It’s (Y/N),” you said. 

“Well (Y/N),” Zack rubbed the back of his head. “You’re not so bad.....maybe I’ll keep ya alive.” 

[princessfbi]

Ok I have got to know what happened with Oliver's character on that one show that makes you rage so hard every time you see him.

WELL NONNIE I'LL TELL YOU!

This is a warning for spoilers if anyone wants to watch this show because my rage cannot be contained.

OK SO...

This show is called Into the Badlands and Oliver's character is named Ryder. Basically the premise of this world is that it's kind of post apocalyptic/alternative universe where humanity got so caught up in trying to one up each other that it sort of imploded and now you have this society where either you're super wealthy (the Barrons), super poor (Cogs and Nomads), or somehow a ninja (The Clippers and whatever the hell MK was supposed to be). ANYWAYS....

Ryder is the son of Barron Quinn. Now the surviving land is either divided into like factions run by Barrons (who control a majority of major trade) or there's these lawless lands that are run dredges of society. You either become a Barron by killing another Barron (which is what Quinn did) or you are an heir apparent. Ryder is more an heir presumptive because Quinn won't outright name him his heir even though everyone just assumes it.

This is because Quinn is batshit crazy and thinks he can just live forever through sheer stubbornness and will alone. This is especially hard to do because he has a massive brain tumor that's dwindling down what little bit of sanity he has leading him to make questionable choices such as killing the only doctor they have in the lands who would've been useful pretty much for the rest of the series but go off Quinn. Ryder has a lot of resentment towards his father, which I will get into in a minute, and at the same time has gone out of his way to prove to Quinn that he's a worthy heir. Except Quinn keeps comparing Ryder to his second and regent, Sunny, and he's just all around a shitty person in general.

NOW HERE'S THE AMAZING BACKSTORY WITH RYDER:

So, when Ryder was a child, he was kidnapped by these nomads who were trying to blackmail Quinn. Ryder's mother begged Quinn to pay the ransom and save Ryder. Quinn... refused. So the nomads tortured Ryder and (Gross warning) like cut off part of his toes and disfigured his foot in the hopes of crippling him and scaring Quinn into giving to their demands.

Quinn, again, refused.

Eventually Quinn's regent at the time, Waldo, defies Quinn's orders and goes to rescue Ryder from these nomads. Waldo defying Quinn is a big deal because he's a clipper which is basically a soldier (often brought in from the slave faction called Cogs) and they take their oaths to their Barrons very seriously. Barrons trust no one but their regents because again you can become a Barron by killing them. But Waldo always had a soft spot for Ryder.

SO Ryder is saved and eventually nursed back to health but he always has a bit of a tragedy cloud hanging around him because from what we were told Ryder was a very sweet, bright child before he was kidnapped and was brought back as "a broken bird" and he's been doing everything he can to get rid of the broken bird image ever since.

Quinn resented Ryder for making him look weak and Ryder resented Quinn for... Well being a heartless dick.

But here's the crazy part... They both, in their own way, still kind of loved each other.

Now I won't bore you with my rant about how the best antagonists are often the tragic figures who have fallen from grace (Peter Hale, Draco Malfoy, Loki to name a few) BUT I will say Ryder had the PERFECT foundation of showing that fall. He was an asshole and hard and spoiled and super privilege but also soft and still a little broken. There's a whole other narrative involved too with his childhood love and how his dad planned on marrying her but we won't get into that.

ANYWAYS Ryder still had this desperate need to prove to his dad that he was a worthy heir but in his attempts to prove himself (and his dad's fall into madness) his dad started seeing him as competition. Competition and another objects (like Quinn saw with most other characters but especially Sunny). But Quinn has this weird kind of pride when it comes to things that he considers his and an attack on his property is an attack on him. There's a character named the Widow who lured Ryder out and tried to kill him slowly and personally as well as Sunny as an attack on Quinn and he went bananas (sorta).

Ryder was fine eventually but he realized that trying to prove himself to his dad was never going to work so he decides to try the other option: which is killing his dad. Partially because if he doesn't, Ryder is smart enough to know that Quinn's going to get him killed, but also because Quinn's descent into madness is spiraling faster and faster and Ryder wants to protect the legacy. Nothing to inherit if his dad burns the whole thing to the ground!

Long story short, Sunny turns on Quinn and stabs him and everyone thinks Quinn is dead and Ryder takes credit for it therefore succeeding his dad by becoming not only Barron of his father's lands but some other Barron that got murdered by another subplot that was pointless.

Now Ryder is determined to bring peace to the lands (not out of some noble obligation but because he just wants people to chill the fuck out). And for the most part... he's doing okay.

BUT THEN PLOT TWIST HIS DAD IS ALIVE AND CRAZIER THAN EVER.

Basically his dad storms Ryder's house, chases him down in the garden, and they fight. But Ryder's foot that was crippled when he was a child trips him up and the fight gets even messier. Ryder's sword breaks and Quinn points the sword to his own chest and tells Ryder to finish him.

Ryder hesitates and so Quinn takes the sword and stabs Ryder. You know like a rational father would do.

Quinn then asks Ryder why he hesitated and Ryder whispers "because you're my father" before he dies in Quinn's arms. Quinn is... horrified because he realizes that with the death of Ryder is the death of the last parts of his own humanity. He mourns Ryder but also like... takes no responsibility for killing him but neither did Ryder so he can't process it. Later on he's haunted by Ryder but again the man has a giant grapefruit sized tumor in his brain so it's all very reverse Hamlet if you will.

SO LOOK AT ALL THIS POTENTIAL!

THE REASON I RAGE:

Is because Ryder was set up to fail from the beginning. Which is great!....... If that had actually happened. The show worked so hard to tell us that Ryder was a failure and a coward but if you look at it from a story perspective... Ryder was the opposite of a failure. Every time someone told him he couldn't do something, he proved them wrong. Again and again and again. But that was never good enough for anyone. So that vicious cycle would've been amazing to see!

But instead of exploring any of that, we had to watch a storyline that was frankly ridiculous from the beginning that took up way more time than it should. There's a character named MK, who was supposed to be inspired by the myth The Monkey King, but if you don't know that story then you never would've figured that out. Hell, I knew the story and didn't figure it out until I had to google his name because I kept forgetting it. In comparison to everything else happening in the show, this magical mythical storyline just didn't fit and I'm not kidding when I say I watched a season and a half of this show and forgot about MK every time.

Now if you noticed my icon is Buck in a Box. That's an inside joke I have with a friend about this fucking show. The first scene starts off with Sunny stumbling onto a group of Nomads who go absolutely feral about this massive box they don't want him to look inside. Turns out MK was in this box for reasons that were too weak for me to even remember but again MK was entirely forgettable. My friend and I kept talking about how it would've been better if Ryder had been in the box because the Ryder and Sunny rivalry had so much unexplored potential that would've been incredible if we started from the very beginning instead of just being told over and over again that Ryder hates being compared to Sunny.

Sunny is the main character and Quinn, unlike with Ryder, was incredibly proud to have Sunny "in his possession" and Ryder hated him for it.

But did we get to explore that? NO! Did we get to explore the parallels of Sunny and Ryder chafing at being considered possessions by Quinn? NO! Did we get to explore the trauma Ryder was working so hard to shake off? NO!

Instead the show spent so much energy victim blaming Ryder essentially for being the son of a Villain and his Nonsensical Ambitious Mother who had the misfortune of being kidnapped by bandits as a child while telling the audience that Ryder was never going to succeed. That Ryder had no honor and was a coward and weak.

They spent way more time trying to tell us that we should hate Ryder and that he was a bad guy but didn't do ANY of the work to show the fall from grace to prove that. Ryder remained a tragic figure that didn't fall from grace but was rather pushed off by lazy writing because they wanted to focus again on this magical ninja boy with a penchant for getting in the way and ruining everything.

I rage because Antagonist and Villain are not the same thing. Ryder had the potential of becoming a villain and his death by the hands of his father would've cycled him back into the role of a tragic figure. But instead... it was just wasted.

THAT is why I rage. You had the material right there and yet you spent so long telling us that we, the audience, don't like Ryder instead of showing us anything that would make us not like him (besides the whiny white boy thing).

Instead I found myself rooting for Ryder. Like could you imagine if Ryder and Sunny went against Quinn together instead of having the weakest rivalry known to man? Could you imagine Ryder's fall from grace of wanting peace in the lands as it turned to greed? Could you imagine Sunny becoming actual competition for Ryder instead of being manipulated to do so?

WE GOT NONE OF IT.

THIS is why I rage.

[deadparrish]

richie tozier stand-up routine

hey! thanks for showing up everyone! so as you all know i took a little bit of a break. well, by break i mean i had a breakdown, forgot my whole scripted routine on stage, and then disappeared off the face of the earth for a month. what can i say! shit happens!

well, actually what happened is that i got a call from one of my childhood best friends which brought up a whole bunch of repressed childhood trauma and was forced- and i’m really not exaggerating here, forced to return to my hometown that i’ve been avoiding for 27 years. now, i’m not gonna say the name of this town, but i will say that it’s the worst fucking town in the world. like, it’s a place that people go to to die. and not even in, like, a relaxing way, like florida. no, you go there and you get, like, your fucking arm ripped off by a weird fucking clown and you die from blood loss. no, i’m serious! that happened to my friends little brother!

anyway, i go back home to, like, fulfill a promise that i made via blood oath when i was 12, during like, the height of the aids epidemic, so it’s a big fucking deal, right. and i’m there in this fucking sushi place, and i’m suddenly face to face with my friend who i’ve been, like, in love with my whole life. so i get as drunk as fucking possible, because i’m an adult, right, and that’s how adults deal with their problems. they get roaring drunk and then they, like, manufacture some stupid reason to arm wrestle so they can hold hands with the object of their 27-year-long crush. NOT saying that i did that. but i will say that this fucker has super soft hands. like, imagine you’ve never done a days work in your life, and also you’re, like, really weird about germs and taking care of yourself, so you use a lot of germ ex and AFTER that you use a lot of lotion. probably lavender scented with, like, aloe vera. 

whatever, not the point. so i’m face to face with the dude that i’ve been in love with since i was 12 and in denial that i was gay- oh yeah, by the way everyone, i’m gay- woah, okay, that’s a lot of cheering, okay. calm down gays- haha, anyway. i’m face to face with this dude, and trying to not like. lose my gay mind. and i’m VERY determined at this point to just, like, get through this visit back home without like. totally revealing all of my gay feelings, so i can come back to chicago and be gay and sad in the comfort of my own gay home. did i mention i was gay? sorry, it just feels fucking good to say. 

anyway, i’m trying to get through this visit without totally losing my mind, and some of you might be wondering, why are you even back in your hometown meeting with your best friends from childhood? good question! it’s a long story, but it basically boils down to the six of us- there used to be seven, but stan, he- he couldn’t make it, so the six of us have to defeat this demon clown entity that came down from space and has been terrorizing and eating people for, like, a billion years. like, imagine every negative human emotion in existence, put all of those emotions into a demon with a huge forehead, and you have this clown. no, guys, i’m serious! this clown is fucking crazy, and also, like, super homophobic.

so the six of us are there, and my friend mike is like oh, we all have to go into the sewers to It’s lair- and that’s capital I, It’s, folks- so we can kill It. and like, we did the same shit when we were 12, but it’s a little bit crazier now that we’re all 40. i have a receding hairline, bill is fucking bald, and ben- well, bens hot as fuck. point is though, that we’re all like, mike, what the fuck? but we go down there and we do this fucking native american ritual to try to trap the clown, which of course doesn’t work because none of us are fucking native american, and then there’s this huge fucking, like, battle, and then eddie gets fucking impaled by this thing, and i just- sorry, it was just so fucking scary. 

i’ve been in love with this dude for over 27 years, and i’m holding him in my arms and he’s bleeding everywhere and i’m like fuck, fuck, i never fucking told him, and he’s like, richie, and he says it in the softest voice ever and he’s looking at me and i’m like oh my god, this is the worst time to have a fucking gay freak out, but what if he says he loves me? so i’m there like, trying to stop his fucking gut from bleeding, and he’s looking at me and i’m looking at him and, quite frankly, i’ve never felt gayer in my life- must have been the atmosphere, dark ass sewers really bring out the pride in me- and you know what he says? i fucked your mother. i swear to god- stop laughing! i couldn’t believe it! i’m the famous comedian and this dude just said that when he’s fucking bleeding out. i love him so much.

anyway, we managed to defeat the clown by bullying it to death, which is how all clowns are killed, i guess, and i got ben to help carry eddie up to the surface- ben is so strong, guys, he’s like, fit. and we got eddie to the hospital and he lived. and then it was like, oh my god, i can’t let him get better and then go back to new york without like, telling him that i love him, right? and honestly, i would have rather faced the demon clown again. 

so i’m in his hospital room, and he’s awake and pissed, because he’s been there, like, a week, and he’s bitching about the cleanliness of hospitals, and he’s like, do you know how many fucking germs there are on a doorknob, and then he’s talking about how much his cheek hurts- oh yeah, i guess i forgot to mention, this dude who bullied us when we were kids broke out of a mental institution and stabbed him in the face. don’t worry though, i axed him. it’s not important. anyway, he’s like, my cheek hurts and i don’t want to fucking be here anymore, and i’m just staring at him like an idiot, and he’s like what the fuck, richie, don’t just stare at me, you dick, and i cut him off and tell him i love him. no build up, no framing it as a joke so i can play it off. just a wide-eyed lovesick confession. 

and i freeze, and he freezes, and we just stare at each other for a few minutes like idiots. and he just asks, all quiet and perfect, really? and i’m like dude, i’ve BEEN in love with you, and i start spilling my guts, and then next thing i know he’s trying to get OUT of the hospital bed, and i’m like eddie, what the fuck, and i move to push him down, and he grabs my shirt and pulls me into bed on top of him, and let me tell you all, i exerted more energy trying to make sure i didn’t collapse on his stomach wound than i ever have at the gym, ever. and at this point i’m truly freaking out, but it’s like, a good freak out, you know? i’m like, okay, he probably wouldn’t have pulled me on top of him if he didn’t like me. he probably likes me. but what if he doesn’t? so i’m like, eds- and he. he kisses me. yeah, i know, i could cheer, too.

so we kiss, and then he pushes me so i’m laying next to him, and then he starts bitching me out for confessing while he’s in the hospital, and couldn’t i wait until he got released, and i’m just- i know i was staring at him like an idiot, like an absolute fool, and he grabs my hand and he’s like i love you too, moron, and i just say, oh.

anyway, he had to stay in the hospital for another week, and i have so many stories about how he terrorized the nurses, i could write so many fucking sketches, and then when he was released we went to new york and he divorced his wife- hell yeah!- and now he lives with me here in chicago. he’s in the audience, actually! hi, eds! anyway, that’s why i’ve been on a break. being gay is crazy.

[basil-films]

05-06-2020

Training Day (2001)

i’m not too sure whether anyone really cares about what i have to say about these movies, but here goes yet another one mini analysis. there’s no way i can cover everything that comes to my mind whilst watching a film so these are super condensed. also if anyone has anything else to add about any of them i highly appreciate :)

Break the Rules in Order to Protect Them

this is one consistent theme throughout the film, the idea of breaking every possible law in order to protect the streets from those who want to break them (for the wrong reasons?). just writing that alone makes it sound x2 as dumb as it already is, which is precisely the reason why Jake comes into this whole situation skeptical of Alonzo’s methods.

one of the first things Alonzo has Jake do is get high in the cop car, followed by Alonzo pulling out a gun to his head. that’s a two in one violation of the law and we’re not even 20 minutes in yet. Alonzo is a street cop, unlike Jake, who has been trained to obey and respect laws. this is where the two personalities clash and since Alonzo (literally) has the gun in this scenario, he gets it his way in the end.

the entirety of the film revolves around the idea of demolishing the rules and knowing that they don’t apply to you. kind of like how emergency service vehicles are allowed to break the speed limit, just not like that at all and significantly worse.

“It’s not what you know, it’s what you can prove.” - Alfonso

tying back into how the law just doesn’t seem to apply to them whatsoever, Alfonso further abuses this system by leading Jake through the concept of only being found guilty if the ‘higher power’ can prove it. i say “higher power” cause Alonzo’s ego doesn’t let him believe that anyone could possible be more powerful than himself. duh.

Jake, however, doesn’t exactly fall for this and consistently shows signs of ever so slightly decreasing hesitation throughout the movie. he doesn’t shoot when he’s told to and desperately clings onto the law throughout his training.

since character is probably the biggest part of this entire film, these differences in their approaches to policing emphasize who they are as people and what they view as morally right or wrong. it really says a lot about a person and it’s arguably the most significant contrast in character we see.

Repetition

this is literally just not important to the plot as a whole whatsoever, but i found it worth mentioning: one of the first things we see is (obviously) the opening scene, in which the sun is rising above the multiple apartment complexes (the kind of area we assume Jake lives in). this EXACT shot is then shown again for a second time about 1/3 of the way through the film, highlighting the whole idea of ‘change, but not really.’ Jake has opened his eyes to a whole new side of policing and law enforcement, while still going on with his same everyday life at home, essentially hiding this new side of him from his girlfriend/wife (i forget which). it’s just an interesting way to look at the part of his life that has changed and the part that must remain the same.

Mockery - “You can shoot me, but you can’t kill me.”

the idea of mockery stems from Alfonso’s larger than life ego. even after Jake finally get’s onto him and finds out what the real reason behind his desperate need for the money was and even has him held at gunpoint, Alfonso still has a gut feeling of superiority that he just can’t shake off. he supposedly knows he’s the bigger man and that Jake is nothing but a young, gullible grasshopper that’s been following him around as he searches for his dirty money.

his constant mockery of Jake’s naivety is what fuels Alfonso’s ego and gives him the power over him. despite all this, Jake's ability to climb his way up on top of Alfonso (not literally) shows that he is in fact the bigger man, freeing him from needing a ridiculous ego to ‘win.’

Wisdom - “To protect the Sheep you got to catch the wolf and it takes a wolf to catch a wolf, you understand?”

no, i didn’t like Alfonso’s character towards the end of the film either, but you can’t deny the man was onto something. he genuinely had an understanding for the streets that no one else seemed to have and knew how to get the seriously dangerous people off the streets, even if it meant he kinda was one of those people too. his metaphor with the sheep and being the wolf in order to catch the wolf actually ties back into what i was saying earlier about breaking the rules in order to protect them. the sheep is a gullible society, full of innocent people to harm and the wolf represents those wanting to cause harm. to be the wolf means to play the along with the criminals and speak their language, be one of them and lure them in accordingly. this is actually incredibly wise coming from a man with the ego twice the size of his-

“You shot me in the a**!”

i’m still not fully sure if i can curse on here so “a**” it is.

this is quite possibly my favorite quote of them all purely cause of how dumb it is and perfectly it wraps up the situation. right at the end, the roles finally reverse and while Alfonso has been secretly taking advantage of Jake in order to get what he personally needs, Jake finally wakes up and stabs him in the back (or shoots him in the a**). this is a beautiful way to end a story of betrayal and perfectly summarizes the relationship Jake Hoyt and Alonzo Harris once had.

Just Another Day at Work

the film ends with Jake returning back home (as one tends to do), making it cleat that this really was nothing but another busy day at work. it actually leaves the audience hanging a little cause you really start to wonder what the actuality of policing really is and how much crazier it could get.

[kyliehorsegirl]

She’s a Little Bit Country (Duncan Shepherd x Reader

A/N: This is my first Duncan story. I have only written for Michael, but I love Cody’s characters. Duncan and Michael have such good dynamics (as a writer). I’m sorry that this is so long. I wanted it to be a one shot and not a series. This was a thought that came to me, i was also inspired by a scene in s6 where Claire flashes back to a farm or ranch. I hope you enjoy.

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Smut

Word Count: 6782

***************************************

Y/n Underwood, daughter to the president, Claire Underwood. She was beautiful, strong, but silent. She wasn’t fond of politics. She wasn’t Frank’s daughter, her mother and Frank were taking a break early on in their marriage, she had become pregnant with Y/n. Frank wasn’t happy about it, but he had gotten into a relationship during the break as well. When Frank and Claire got back together, she sent Y/n away to live with her father and grandfather. They owned a ranch a few hours from where Frank and Claire lived.

 She grew to love that ranch, all the animals, the country life. Her father taught her a lot of life skills. He wasn’t prepared to be a father, but Claire had shipped him a daughter as if he owned a boarding school. Her grandfather taught her all about ranch life, how to ride, how to use a tractor, house work, farming, he taught her all of it. Her father taught her cars, how to change oil, how to fix headlights etc. He taught her how to fix appliances and electrical. She learned life skills with her father.

 Like any young teen with not a lot of involvement from another parent, she went through a rebel phase. Dark makeup, dark hair, dark clothes. Her father and grandfather didn’t know how to handle a teenage girl. Her father was always stressing, not knowing what to do. Her grandfather would say;

 “Stop being a sniveling whine baby on the high seas, and tend to the ranch.” He always had silly mannerisms like that. It was always what Y/n needed to hear. Whenever she was feeling down, she would saddle up one of the horses and go for a ride. She would come back and apologize for being a brat. Both her grandfather and father knew, it was hard for a young girl to not have her mother.

 Things changed when her grandfather fell ill. No matter how strong he was, he couldn’t beat cancer.

 “Fuck the chemo.” He would say, and continue to work the ranch until he couldn’t get out of bed. He refused medical help.

 “Grandpa please, let us get you help.” Y/n sat on his bed holding one of his hands.

 “O peanut, you know I don’t want that. I am happy as long as I’m on our ranch with you and your father.” His gruff voice was clear in the air. His stubbornness never ceased to amaze her. She could only wish she had the strength of her grandfather. Tears would start to fall from her face, but not before her grandfather had something to say about it.

 “Don’t cry for me kiddo, you’re wasting your tears.” She would sniffle and hold the tears back.

After he died, things were different. Her father had to hire extra help. He found good workers who were willing to move into the ranch. There were small one room apartments throughout. Her father hired a few family friends willing to help manage the ranch.

 She got her shit together and graduated high school with a 4.0. Her father would try to contact Claire in Y/n’s milestones, she never showed.

 “Claire please? Y/n is graduating. She had a 4.0 You should be here.” He whispered in the phone the day before graduation.

 “I’m sorry Darren, I’m busy.” Claire would say into the phone, no matter what the milestone.

 “You’re always too busy Claire.” He would say harshly into the phone before there was a long pause. Seconds later the line would go dead.

 Darren always encouraged Y/n to pursue college, get a career. She went to college for business management and journalism. During her senior year of college Claire decided to take interest in her, for the first time in a long time.

 “Please Darren, let me talk to her.” Claire said over the phone.

 “I don’t think she wants to talk to you Claire.” He was irritated, hurt.

 “Please.” She sounded helpless, for the first time in a long time.

 “I don’t want to dad.” Y/n folded her arms leaning up against a wall. Darren put her on mute.

 “Y/n, just talk to her, she’s your mother.” He said halfheartedly. Y/n rolled her eyes and pushed herself off the wall making way to her dad.

 “What do you want?” There was a long pause.

 “Y/n? Its good to hear your voice.” Claire took a sigh of relief.

 “I’ll repeat what I said, what do you want?” Y/n said more harshly.

 “I, I’m sorry for not seeing you or being in your life, I want to make a change.” Y/n didn’t say anything. “I know that you have been studying business management and journalism. I want to offer you a job.”

 “Which is?” Y/n didn’t want to give her the time of day, however, curiosity got the better of her.

 “I have been in politics for some time now and I am running for president.” Y/n let out a laugh.

 “Really now? You’re crazier than I thought you were.” Claire sighed through the phone.

 “I know, the job I am offering you is in your line of degree, both social media and journaling. I would want you to be the one to be there for me. I can offer you good pay, a car, an apartment, everything you need.”

 “What makes you think I want that from you?” She said harshly once again.

 “Please Y/n? Give me a chance? I will pay off your student loans, pay for the rest of your schooling. I want to be a part of your life.” Y/n looked to her father and put the phone on mute.

 “I think you should go for it. The ranch will always be here waiting for you, I will be here waiting for you.” Until he wasn’t.

 Y/n accepted the job with Claire, she finished her schooling and drove to see her mom. Shortly after, her father became very I’ll. Y/n left to see him before he took his last breathes. Darren left the ranch to Y/n. Their family friends agreed to manage it while she was away with her mom.

 Claire had announced Y/n as her daughter to the press. Press became very interested in her back story, but failed to find anything when Claire forced Y/n to legally change her last name to Underwood. It felt like a stab in the back to her father, but she agreed to keep her personal life safe.

Over time, she learned how things worked in the world of politics, getting to know the shepherds, she learned how to carry herself, how to talk and how to dress. She was forced to rid her country clothes for pencil skirts and pantsuits. Media was drawn to her, this elusive woman who showed up out of nowhere.

 “How many people do you have there Duncan?” Annette asked over the phone.

 “Not many.” Duncan Shepherd spoke to his mom. He looked out among the party the managed to stay alive without him. Y/n made her way out of the bathroom seeing Duncan on the phone.

 “I need to go mom.” He hung up the phone and made his way to Y/n. He stopped in front of her causing her to jolt.

 “Hello Duncan.” She spoke chaste. Her mom had been working her to the bone, when Duncan wanted to throw a party Annette suggested inviting Y/n. Outwardly he acted as if he was put out inviting her, but inwardly, he wanted to. Ever since Claire brought Y/n into the picture, Duncan was fascinated by her. She came up out of nowhere. She was beautiful and mysterious. There was something about her that she wasn’t telling others, he was attracted to that.

 He would never admit he was attracted to her, but he was.

 “I’m glad you could make it. Would you like a drink?” He offered cocking his head to the side. Her lips tight as she took a breath.

 “Um, sure. I’m here because my mother actually believed I needed a break.” A pause. “Almost insulting.” She mumbled.

 “Well, we all need a break. What would you like?” He made his way to the kitchen gesturing her with him.

 “Whiskey, on the rocks.” Her mom warned her about the Shepherds, as much good as they have done for the Underwoods, never trust a Shepherd she would say. She watched him pour her drink, he wouldn’t do anything right? Her mom said she could go out, but to watch herself. Don’t get drunk and don’t party. There was secret service throughout the inside and outside of the home.

He passed the drink to her, she hesitantly accepted.

 “Everyone deserves a break.” He took a sip of his own cocktail.

 “I suppose. I can’t be here long, I do have work to do.” She swirls her drink around.

 “Always busy. I bet it’s exhausting in your head.” He smirked, taking another sip.

 “Jesus Duncan.” She scrunched her face taking a gulp of her drink.

 “Relax Y/n, it’s a joke, you know what that is right?” He laughed at her defensiveness. She shook her head and finished her drink short of slamming on the counter.

 “I’m not going to sit here and be insulted by you Shepherd.” She turns to leave in a huff, the secret service at the door waiting for her.

 “Y/n wait, lighten up. You’re too stressed.” She stopped walking, irritated, fists clenched at her side. “Please stay.” He pleaded, she took a deep breath and looked at him over her shoulder.

 Hours later, everyone else had already left, leaving just Y/n and Duncan. She was helping him clean up, much to his shock.

 “This was my party, you don’t need to clean up.” He insisted, both of them with trash bags in their hands.

 “No one needs to be left with a mess, not even you.” She let a small smirk slip her lips, not to go unnoticed by him.

 “Wow I’m touched.” He put a hand over his heart laughing, causing her to smile in response. Of course, she found him attractive, she wasn’t an idiot. She wouldn’t be an idiot an encourage his ego though.

 Once they had cleaned up, they were seated on the couch with another cocktail.

 “How do you feel about all this?” Duncan asked out of the blue.

 “How do I feel about this? About what?” She asked, wanting to set her cocktail down.

 “Your mom, being president.” He threw an arm over the couch and tilted his head like a puppy. She looked at him, searching for some type of, fakeness? He waited, waited for her answer, patiently.

 “I’m, happy for her.” She tried to make that sound like a smooth sentence and failed.

 “Is that what she wants you to say?” He crossed his legs and raised a brow at her. Her mouth opened and closed slightly like a fish out of water. She huffed and got up to place the glass in the kitchen.

 “I think it’s time that I leave.” She had rushed out. He gets up and follows her to the kitchen. She felt his presence slightly behind her.

 “You can have your own opinion you know.” He whispered, way to close for her liking.

 “Thank you for the drinks Duncan, I need to go, it’s getting late.” She briskly walked to the front door, where the secret service had been waiting patiently for her.

 “I’m so sorry for the wait guys.” She placed a hand on their arms. Duncan strutted in the middle of the entry way.

 “See you later Y/n.” He called out to her, she assumed threateningly. She refused to respond, with that, she left.

 Y/n laid in her bed, in her room at the white house. Many nights she would lay, numb, wanting to go back to the time at the ranch, with her father and grandfather, but they were gone.

 Y/n had her own office at the white house, she typed away at her laptop, writing statements for her mom. She liked to work alone, she didn’t like press or people. She begged for her mom to let her work alone.

 “Y/n, your mother has requested you.” She looked up from her laptop, her glasses showing the reflection of the light. She sighed, removing her glasses and saving the document she was working on. She followed the SS to her mom.

 “You needed me?” She questioned as her mom came into view.

 “Yes, we are going to meet with the Shepherds to go over the bill.” Claire straightened her outfit, meeting her daughter.

 Once at the Shepherds, she tried so hard to pay attention, but she still ended up tuning out the conversation. That is until Duncan showed up, her attention went to him as he walked into the room.

 “Duncan, so nice of you to join us.” Annette stated, giving him a look. He gave her an apologetic glance as he took a seat close to Y/n. She looked at him in the corner of her eye, catching the smile he gave her.

 After the meeting Annette and Claire were talking as Bill disappeared somewhere. Duncan made his way to Y/n.

 “Sorry about the other night. I wasn’t trying to offend you.” She squinted at him, not trusting his apology.

 “Well, not like I’m not used to that.” She shrugged it off.

 “Let me take you to coffee, as an apology.” He shoved his hands in the pockets of his slacks.

 “Coffee? As an apology?” She questioned him.

 “Yeah, I am sorry even if you don’t want to believe me.” His face seemed genuine, but she was still unsure. She looked at him for a moment before smirking at him.

 “Fine, but I pick the place.” His eyes lite up with her acceptance to his offer.

 “Are you fucking kidding me.” He deadpanned. She laughed, like actually laughed. She hadn’t done that in a while.

 “O come on, you gotta admit its funny.” She snickered as they walked in to the coffee shop. He gave one last look to the ‘Dunkin Donuts’ sign before he followed her in. They ordered their coffee and donuts of course, before finding a table in the back corner.

 “You’re an ass Y/n.” He rolled his eyes at her.

 “Have you even been here before?” She smiled at him taking a bite of her powdered donut.

 “No, I don’t go to places like this.” His eyes dart to her lips, seeing some powder next to them.

 “I’m calling you donut know, I hope you know that.” He sighs and shakes his head. Looking at her again he sees the powder still on her face.

 “You got a little.” He tries to gesture at her face.

 “What?” She asks.

 “Here.” He takes his thumb to the corner of her mouth, gently wiping away the powder. She stays silent, looking at him curiously.

 “Thanks.” She says quietly. He offers her a smile in return. After that, he asked her to coffee once a week, always going to Dunkin Donuts. Whenever she called him Donut, he acted like he hated it. He would never admit he loved the pet name she gave him.

 With every coffee date they grew closer and closer. They tried to keep it from their parents not wanting them to know. However, Claire knew. She never mentioned it to Y/n, although she felt a bit betrayed.

 They had graduated from Dunkin and started going on real dates. Duncan took her to dinner several times, making very small gestures any time he could. One of their dinner dates, he placed his hands over hers. Her heart jumped to her throat. She felt like a school girl again.

 Duncan had taken her to the park one evening walking side by side. Their hands would brush occasionally, he subtly touched her fingers before they intertwined their hands. The gesture caused Y/n to blush. A man-made lake was beside them, a reflection of the moon rippling through the water. Duncan stopped and pulled her near him. He faced her and grabbed the other hand.

 “Y/n, I just want to say, I really like you. I don’t want our parents to be a factor in any decisions, we have the right to make our own choices. I want you in my life, not in a political way, fuck politics. Will you be my girlfriends?” He asked her carefully, clearly nervous. She thought for a moment, increasing his anxiety. She smiled up at him.

 “I like you too Duncan, I would love to be your girlfriend.” He smiled widely, his hands let go of her as he gently brings his hand to cup her face, they look at each other, leaning in slowly. He kisses her, she deepens the kiss, placing a hand on his chest. He ended the kiss and held her close to him.

 They had agreed to keep their relationship quiet, due to their moms’ frenemy circumstance. Claire knew about the relationship too though. Claire never said anything to Y/n. She kept it to herself, until she needed to say something.

 Y/n would spend several days at Duncan’s house, given that he couldn’t exactly come to the white house. He offered for her to have things at his house that would make her comfortable. He made room in a bathroom cabinet for her toiletries, he gave her a dresser for some clothes and gave her room on a book shelf for some of her quick reads.

 At this point that had been dating for several months. Claire refused to bring it up, but Annette began questioning Duncan. He was spending more time ‘alone’ and less time on the campaign.

 “Duncan, what’s going on with you? Your focus isn’t where it used to be.” She said over the phone. He looks down to see Y/n asleep in his lap. The movie they were watching had ended before his mother called.

 “I’m doing fine mom, I needed some time to myself. I’ll get back in the swing of things.” He spoke softly, hoping to not wake a sleeping Y/n.

 “Figure it out Duncan, it better be soon.” She hung up after that. Y/n began to stir awake.

 “I should probably get going. I haven’t been home in two days.” She sat up from his lap, rubbing the tired from her eyes.

 “I know, it’s the weekend though.” He held her tight, not wanting to let her go. She just laughed and gently pushed him away.

 “I need to go love, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She kissed him on the lips and got ready to leave.

 “I love you.” He called out quietly, almost hoping she didn’t hear him. She stopped and turned around, looking at him with wide eyes. He clenched his jaw in nervousness, until he saw her smile. She walked up to him and looked up into his eyes.

 “I love you too Donut.” Duncan rolled his eyes and leaned down to kiss her. He gripped her hips, wanting to go further.

 “I need to go, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She moved away from him and left his house.

 “You wanted to see me?” Y/n walked into her mother’s room. Claire looked up from the book she was reading, setting it down and taking her glasses off.

 “Yes, I want to ask you something.” She waited patiently as Y/n made her way across the room, sitting on her mother’s bed.

 “What is it?” Tilting her head at her mom.

 “Are you with Duncan?” Claire looked into her eyes, expecting her to lie.

 “Why?” Y/n’s heart began to race.

 “Just answer the question.” She wanted to hear her say it, she already knew.

 “Yes, I am, does that matter?” Y/n spoke carefully.

 “I told you not to trust a Shepherd Y/n.” Her mother was disappointed in her.

 “Duncan is-“

 “Don’t say he is different, he is just like his mother, a snake.” Claire interrupted her. Y/n began to get angry.

 “He is, just because you and Annette have issues doesn’t mean you need to take it out on us.” Claire shook her head at her.

 “You better watch your back Y/n, he can turn on you at any time.” She warned. Y/n kept her mouth shut, not knowing what to say. She left without bidding her mother a goodnight.

 She laid in bed, thinking for a long time, she didn’t know what to do. She truly loved Duncan, but now her mom knew. Would she make it a problem for her?

 The next day, an agenda was presented on Y/n’s desk. She skimmed through it, seeing all the work she had to do, along with a short deadline. She wanted to fight her mom, she did this on purpose. Her mother was the president, she needed these documents done, even if it was done on purpose.

 Y/n typed away at her computer for hours before her phone buzzed.

‘Hey love, everything ok? I haven’t heard from you.’ Duncan.

 ‘Yeah I’m ok, my mom gave me a bunch of work to do with a short deadline. She knows about us.’

 ‘How did she find out?’ he texted after a small pause.

 ‘She already knew, but questioned me last night. She’s trying to keep me busy.’

 ‘Of course, she is. Come over later. I’ll make you dinner.’

 ‘I don’t know if I will be done in time. Don’t you have to work on the campaign?’

 ‘I’ve already been working on it. I’ll wait for you. Just let me know when you’re free ok?’ She smiled at his thoughtfulness.

 ‘I love you Donut.’

 ‘Love you too. I’ll see you tonight.’ She put her phone away and continued typing for another several hours.

 Y/n packed some things she needed and got ready to leave.

 “Where are you going?” Her mother stopped her.

 “You want me to be honest? Fine. I’m going to see Duncan.” She walked past her mom, before she called out again.

 “What about the work Y/n? There is a deadline.” Without looking back, she responded.

 “I finished it.” With that she walked out the door, leaving Claire speechless.

She walked into Duncan’s seeing him in the kitchen. He was wearing a nice black t-shirt. She knew the shirt, it was so soft, not like a normal shirt that was thick and rough. He looked over to her and smiles. Y/n walks behind Duncan wrapping her arms around him, laying her head on his back.

 “What ever you’re making smells amazing.” She nuzzled further into his back. He laughs and brings a hand to hers.

 “I am making lamp chomps with a cranberry glaze.” He turns around wrapping his arms around her now.

 “Holy shit, that sounds fantastic.” He cocks an eyebrow at her, hardly hearing her swear. “A bit fancy don’t you think?” She laughed looking up at him. He shrugged in response. Y/n helped set the table as he continued to prepare the food.

 “I’m sorry you’ve had a rough day love; your mom shouldn’t treat you that way.” He reached a hand over the table grabbing hers. He rubbed a thumb over her knuckles reassuringly.

 “Its ok Donut, she can’t hold me back. I finished everything before I came here.” Y/n stated matter of fact. Leaning back in her seat, taking a swig of her drink.

 “All of it? Like the week’s work?” He questioned shockingly, she hummed in response. He was impressed.

 After dinner the two of them made their way to the couch, drinks in hand. They were in the middle of a movie when Duncan placed a hand on her bare thigh. He grazed his thumb over her soft skin. She glanced down carefully. The hand slowly starts to run up and down her thigh. She intentionally ignores him, continuing to watch the movie. He leans in close and begins kissing her shoulder, her neck and her jawline, alternating between them. He caught her attention.

 Her eyes close as she moans softly. The mental note ‘fuck it’ rolls through her mind as she straddles his lab. His eyes go wide before they go dark and lustful. She places hands on his shoulders as she crashes her lips into his. Duncan grabs her hips firmly, pulling them to him. She tilts her head, deepening the kiss. He swipes his tongue over her bottom lip, asking for entrance. Once she grants it, their tongues dance together fighting for dominance.

 She grinded her hips into his, causing him to groan. He broke the kiss after some time.

 “Do you want to stop?” Both of them breathing hard. She looked at him for a moment trying to catch her breath.

 “No.” She shook her head and smashed her lips back onto his. Throwing an arm around his neck and bring a hand to the back of his neck. He pulls her thighs closer to him as he lifts them off the couch. She gasps, but doesn’t stop kissing and touching him, tangling her fingers in her hair. He supports under her thighs as she wraps her legs around his waist.

 He brings them to the bedroom and gently tosses her on the bed. He strips off his shirt as he crawls on top of her. She shimmies out of her top, bringing him to her. Hands on either side of his face, pulling him into a kiss. His muscles ripple as he moves to mark her neck. He sucks and bites low enough on her neck, it wouldn’t be visible with the right clothing. She moans in response.

 Duncan kisses down her stomach before he reaches the hem of her shorts, he unbuttons them, yanking them off and throwing them somewhere in the room. He sits back to unbutton his own pants as she removes her bra. Once his boxers are gone, he crawls back to her, removing her panties with a single swipe.

 He takes a nipple in his mouth as he stimulates the other rolling her bud between his fingers. She moans, digging her nails into his back. He makes his way down her body, head nestled in between her thighs. He gives a kiss to her entrance, causing her to shutter. His hands roam her body, feeling every inch of her. His tongue darts out to separate her folds. He licks her thoroughly, her juices beginning to spill out of her.

 He pushes two fingers into her, making her arch her back. She throws her head into the pillows, eyes closing in pleasure. He removes his fingers from her as he lines himself up at your entrance.

 “Are you ready?” He asks with a husky deep voice. She nods and nods vigorously.

 “Yes.” She breaths out. He plunges himself into her. He groans loudly, enjoying the feeling of being inside her for the first time. He places a kiss down onto her neck before finding his rhythm and thrusting into her. She meets his thrusts by lifting her hips in sync.

 “Fuck, Y/n.” His deep voice hazed with need. He thrusts harder, faster.

 “Duncan, faster.” He fucks her harder. “Oh my god.” Her eyes close again, she grips him harder, causing marks.

 “I’m gonnna cum.” She holds him close and lets him cum inside her. She too has her own release, they let out a sting of moans, once they both found their release.

 He rolls off of, laying beside her. He pulls her close to him and the two of them are silent in content. Their first time with each other.

 “I love you Y/n.” He kisses her forehead and pulls her close.

 “I love you too.” The two fell fast asleep. Y/n felt her stress melt away after today.

 Claire was pushing Y/n and working her to the bone. She found more and more documents for her to write up. Y/n beat every deadline and obstacle her mom threw at her. Duncan could tell it was wearing on her. The more she worked the more he could see how tired she was getting. She had bags under her eyes, she wasn’t eating properly. When meetings occurred, Y/n could barely keep herself awake, or she zoned out.

 She would go to Duncan’s, where he forced her to eat. She tried to refuse before he said she was being silly and she would eat or else. She was always tried. However, she made time for Duncan as much as she could. By this time, Annette found out about them, she was mad at first at Duncan, then grew concerned for Y/n. Claire was working her to death.

 “Ease up on her Claire, they’re kids.” Annette tried to get Claire to ease up, but to no avail. Claire grew irritated, irritated and jealous. She had no right to be jealous of her daughter’s attention. Maybe if she would have invested in her daughter during her younger years, she wouldn’t feel this way.

 Finally, Y/n had her breaking point. It came when she was sitting at her office once again, typing away for her mother. Claire came in personally to deliver another assignment. When she placed in on her desk Y/n instantly stopped typing. She looked at the folder with disgust. She slowly blinked up at her mother.

 “What the fuck is that.” She spoke carefully and hatefully. Claire’s mouth gaped open like a fish out of water, in utter shock by her daughter’s bluntness.

 “I, it’s another assignment due at the end of the week.” Claire spoke carefully, unsure of her daughter’s reaction. Y/n’s breath grew heavy as the anger built deep within her, waiting to explode. This was her breaking point. She stood abruptly and slide everything off the desk with a sweep of her arms. Her laptop crashed to the ground and papers went flying.

 “Fuck you.” She spat at her mother. “I’m taking a break.” She shoved past her mom and sent a quick text to Duncan. She sent him the address of a parking garage.

 ‘meet me here in 20 minutes. Pack a bag and where something casual. We are taking a break from politics.’ She shoved her phone in her pocket as changed and quickly packed a bag. With that, she sped away to the garage.

 ‘see you there.’ He knew not to question her.

 She waited by a vehicle that was covered in canvas. She leaned up against a cement beam, smoking a cigarette. She saw him pull up. She pushed herself away from the beam and snuffed out the cigarette.

 “Hey, I came as soon as I could, are you ok?” He rushed to her pulling her in a tight hug.

 “I’m fucking done, Duncan. I want to take a break and I want you to come with me.” She looked up to him pleading, half expecting him to say no.

 “Of course, my love. I know you need a break.” He held her face and looked at her for a moment before nodding. She moved to the vehicle and tore off the canvas, revealing an old pick up truck, Ford 1988. Duncan looked at it like it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen. They hopped in the truck and she turned over the key. She smiled in memory, feeling the rumble of the truck and the rev of the engine. He looked at her, full of awe.

 The drove for a long while before Duncan finally asked where they were going. He wanted to give her time and space before saying anything.

 “Love, where are we going?” He looked at her after taking a long stare on the open road in front of him.

 “There is a part of my life that you don’t know about.” She spoke soft, her tension has all but melted away. He waited for her to continue.

 “My mother didn’t raise me, she didn’t keep me hidden away the way she tells the media. Frank and my mother took a break early on in their career. During that time, she created a relationship with my father, he was a farmer far beyond the city limits. She became pregnant with me, she wanted power in politics, not a child. She stayed with my father until I could be left alone, I wasn’t even a year old when she left.

 “My father was left to take care of an infant alone, he did have my grandfather though. They had to run the family ranch while caring for me. She never checked up on me. Any milestone in my life he would call her, but she would never come see me.

 “When I went into college, I was studying business management and journalism. My grandfather had passed making it hard on my father and I. In my senior year of college, my mother called me. She wanted to enlist me into helping her. I left after I got my degree. When I accepted the job, shortly after my father grew ill, he passed not long after. I went to see him, I was there for his last breath.

 “My mom kept me so busy I haven’t been able to visit the ranch until now. My father’s name was Darren.”

 The whole time his eyes were on her. He sees her hands grip the steering wheel. She was fighting tears, but she remembered what her grandfather said to her.

  ‘Don’t cry for me kiddo’ she held it in. Duncan placed a reassuring hand on her thigh. Y/n offered him a smile.

 “Enough of this sad shit. We have another hour drive. How about some music?” He smiled and nodded at her. She found some old cassettes and put one in.

 “80’s rock?” He laughed as the song blared through the truck.

“My dad taught me a lot, like having a good taste in music.” She smiled at him, he held her free hand. He became more and more amazed with her by the second. An hour later they pulled into the ranch. It was a lot bigger than he thought and he wasn’t exactly dressed for it.

 “I don’t really have the right clothes.” He looked at her, she was in ripped jeans, some vans, t-shirt and a leather jacket.

 “I said dress casual not Gucci.” She shook her head at him.

 “This is casual.” He tried to deflect.

 “I guess I should have said Walmart.” He rolled his eyes at her and laughed. She parked the truck outside a run-down ranch home. As they got out of the truck a man came trotting up to her, she jogged meeting him the rest of the way.

 “Dottie!” She threw her arms around his neck and he spun her around. Duncan couldn’t help but feel a slight pang of jealously even though Dottie was a lot older than them.

 “Dottie, this is Duncan my boyfriend, Duncan, this is Dottie an old family friend. He runs the ranch.” The men shook hands and nodded to each other.

 “Missed you kiddo. You look great.” He ruffled her hair and she pushed him, laughing.

 “I’ll let you two get settled and then I’ll have supper ready.” He gave her a kiss on the head. Duncan looked around the house. This was so much different than the type of houses he was used to. This felt like a home, it smelled like a home. There were scratches on the hardwood, paint missing in small areas, dents in the walls. It was a breath of fresh air for him. He never realized this was the kind of home he wanted, he needed.

 At supper, Dottie told Duncan stories of when Y/n was younger. Causing Duncan to laugh and Y/n to blush with embarrassment. Duncan had never had a real family meal. He truly loved it and seeing Y/n, made him love it more.

 The next few days flew by like a movie. Y/n taught him how to ride, grooming the horses, tacking them up. She let him borrow some of her dad’s old clothes and boots. They rode for hours at a time, Duncan rode a bay Quarter horse gelding named Bo and Y/n rode a sorrel Quarter horse mare named River.

 Their mornings consisted of going out to the chicken coop and getting fresh eggs for breakfast. They were happy.

 One morning Duncan woke up to an empty bed, he looked out to see Y/n outside the French doors of the bedroom, looking out into the sunrise. A crème cardigan wrapped around her, keeping her warm in the cool morning air. Duncan got up and made his way behind her, engulfing her in his arms, laying his head on her shoulder. She leaned into him with a deep sigh.

 “I miss my dad.” She whispered. Duncan gave her a gentle kiss on her shoulder.

 “I know love.” They looked out into the sunrise together.

 They said their goodbyes to Dottie as they made there way back to the city. The drive back was melancholy.

 Back at the white house, Claire acted like she was excited to see Y/n. She ignored her and went to her room.

 A few days later, Y/n became sick. She had thrown up in the middle of the night. She spoke to no one when she made an errand in the dark of the night. A test. She waited the several minutes.

 Positive.

 She started sobbing. She burnt the test and lay in her bed silent. That morning someone came to retrieve her, she told them she was sick and that she was taking a day off. She was silent the entire day. Her mother came to pay her a visit. She tried asking how she was feeling and if she was ok. She rolled over and ignored her mother. Claire left without another word.

 She contemplated abortion, not even telling Duncan. He didn’t deserve that. He had been so good to her.

 When he hadn’t heard from her in a few days he called.

 “Is everything alright?” She heard though the phone.

 “I need to talk to you; can we go to the park?” She was timid. He felt a sickening feeling grow in the pit of his stomach. Did the time at the ranch mean something different to her than it did to him?

 “Sure.” She couldn’t hear the shakiness in his voice.

 She met him at the park, standing by a tree near the lake. She was nervous, her demeanor was almost off putting. He approached her with caution. She looked to him with tears in her eyes. He wanted to cradle her and tell her everything would be ok, he wanted to take the pain away.

 “I’m pregnant.” She whispered. She looked to his eyes, unable to read him. She looked down and let the tears fall. She was caught off guard when he pulled her into a tight hug. He held her face as she looked to him in confusion. A smile broke out on his face.

 “If you will have me, I would love to be the father.” He began to tear up in happiness. Her face went soft, smiling back at him.

 “Really?” She said in disbelief. She couldn’t imagine anyone else to have kids with.

 “Yes, I love you Y/n. You have showed me a whole new world. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” She put a hand to her mouth as he got down on one knee. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot and the time at the ranch made me realize, I can’t imagine my life without you. Will you marry me?”

 He opened a black velvet box to reveal a subtle silver ring, adorned with one small stone. Tears poured from her eyes.

 “Yes! Yes, I will. I love you so much Duncan.” He put the ring on her finger before he picked her up and spun her around. He lifted her in the air and brought her down for a loving kiss.

 Neither of their moms were pleased with them, they both gave them a fuck you and told them to find new employees.

 They had a small wedding with a few of their close friends, including Dottie. Y/n wore a simple silk strapless dress. Duncan wore a head to toe black suit. They drove off in her old pick up truck to the farm. They started a new life there.

 Y/n gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. They named her Darcy in honor of her father Darren. A few years later they had a boy named (boy name you like). They lived the rest of their lives on the ranch, happier than ever. No politics, no drama. Y/n was happy to get back to her roots and Duncan was happy to Start a new life.

*********

Hope you enjoyed the fluffy ending!!!!! I had alot of fun writing this!

Any Duncan stories will be added to my Langdon MASTERLIST in their own category.

Duncan Taglist

@hearteyesshelby @the-temple-pythoness  @envyskitty @takemetoneverland420 @skullchik89  @0hmylangdon  @santanicoss @scarletraine @quacksonbarnes  @okokbucky  @wildewallflower  @boo-youwhoreee @winterofherdiscontent

[amillionstars]

a comprehensive list of why spies are forever is the most brilliant song ever created

wow this took me 2 hours and is super super long, hope you enjoy

-we start off with the badass mary kate wiles setting the tone

- “time to get the girl again” LMAO 

- the dancing in this is actually amazing it takes my breath away every day bc it’s so graceful and highlights curt and owens relationship perfectly 

-the slow movements in the dance are also masterful, because the slow sharpness of the movements makes them seem even more frantic and crazy without going the easy way out with fancy tricks, big ensembles, and faster tempo and dance

-also i dont know if this was on purpose or just curt being himself, but the little detail for owen dancing right on the beat and curt being a split second behind is such beautiful subtle foreshadowing to one step ahead while also doing a brilliant job of characterizing curt as a less talented spy then owen without having them say a word

-”its time to stay alive” WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME

- when the company starts singing with them

- mkw’s high note holy shit she’s so talented

- when they all singing at once the mood getting crazier and faster and you can feel yourself almost panicking about it, which is awesome because the song doesn’t change at all, but just having the little echo of  encouragement in the background raises the stakes so much higher because theres more at stake then just curt and owen, theres all these unseen people that they have to protect

-and when they come onstage and reveal that their song of encouragement about them being spies is really just a lie and they’re really foes is an amazing moment

-owen dying while they sing the lyrics spies are forever is just brutal, and curts face throughout the whole thing makes it even worse

- then we move on to the amazing reprise, coldest goodbye

- the way mkw voice changes to be lighter is amazing and completely changes the mood of the song

- it’s so painful and mocking, using every word of good luck from before against curt, almost shoving it in his face that he failed, and now hes stuck all alone. its such a difference from when the coapny sang while owen died, that was just sad but this is almost shoving every insecurity curt has back at him. “women can’t resist him” “villians can’t escape.” “spies never die”

- the delivery of “spies never die, spies are forever” is so hauntingly beautiful its actually painful

- then one step ahead holy shit (so it’s not a “reprise” but it uses the same tune and same lines in it for a majority of the song so i’m using it)

- the company coming in with the low part is completely breathtaking it’s amazing

- i know its just because they needed to clear the stage, but having the dead stand up and clean up before walking off was such a good decision bc it makes curt seem 10 times more alone and vulnerable. to him, the dead are never really dead anymore  bc of the whole owen thing, so having to watch them leave, particularly his “friend” the informant leads to a whole new level of abandonment, because then even they couldn’t help him now

- you can hear curt’s pain so deeply in the first 2 lines and it hurts so badly

- but it’s a completly different type of dark reprise then all the other ones, it’s almost like an argument

- it’s so upbeat, but every word they say is painful, so it brings you to curt and owens conflicting emotions

- curt still loves owen, he just going out he was still alive but not the same anymore, and it’s genius to have him try and be a super spy in tone, be the hero everyone wants him to be, but the words he’s saying tell a completely different story

- same with owen, he has every chance to kill curt here, but he always delays it with another taunt. he has all the power and control of the scene, and it’s amazing to watch him barely fight back to injure curt in contrast to his words about hating curt

- when curt’s voice gets low and he goes it’s time to save the world again HOLY SHIT

- that’s just??? a stab in the gut??? it’s so painful???

- ooh sick burn

- curts little voice crack on you know you broke my heart is just....

- “i liked you better when you were dead” ok just a moment to talk about that line. curts entire motivation was owen. he sang about how he wished owen was there more then anything. he said how owen would want him to spy again, and how owen would want curt to work for the agency. and now all of that is being tore to pieces. he realizes owen hates everything curt was doing for him, he realizes that owen doesn’t want curt to do the things that make curt happiest. its a moment of sheer vunrability

-using the sound of music meledy was amazing, when i was younger i sang it constantly, and turning it around like that was genius. it shows curt and owen turning their backs on the past, it shows everything they ever loved being destroyed, and makes the audience even more upset, becuase something we care about and that we’ve cared about for a long time is being completly turned around to be bad in front of us, and its terrible

-OKAY NOW HERES WHERE THINGS GET EVEN MORE HEARTBREAKING SPIES ARE FOREVER OWENS REPRISE

-everyone cried while seeing this don’t even lie to yourself

- for some reason “always a spy” has stood out to me so much in this song, which always seemed weird bc it didn’t have much meaning to curt and owen on the surface, but its so painful because its blaming curt. owen loved to spy. he was good at it. he probably would have done it for years. but curt took that all away from him. curt took spying away from hi completely, he took the literal job, but he also ruined it by forcing owen into learning things about spies that he might not have wanted to know. and curt took his entire life away from him. curt got to always be a spy, and he didn’t. and its curts fault

-owens face during the entire thing is terrible, he’s got the upper hand, he has the chance to get rid of the man who ruined his life, he appears to have everything in this scene, but his eyes are completely different, they’re looking for curt to stop him, he’s simply hopeless

-”i remember.” im not even going to say anything about this one. it speaks for itself.

-the way his hands move before he finally puts up the gun is such an amazing detail, because  he hesitates. he starts to put it up and stops himself. rewatching it makes me tear up, because they both don’t want to hurt each other. curts face says it all. owens body language and quivering voice speaks volumes louder then any words ever could. they’re just 2 broken men who used to love eachother and are standing in the ashes of everything they care about. 

- owen not saying spies are forever the final time is heartbreaking. theres no other words for it. theres no blame left. theres no hope left. its over.

- when curt shoots owen, i always think of the lines from coldest goodbye “tall dark and dangerous, a man with nothing to lose.” curt has nothing left to lose anymore. he doesn’t love owen anymore. you can see his eyes go blank, when owen says that their secret died. but owen still cared. the love never fully left his eyes, the hesitation never left his face.

- and finally things change for the better with spy again reprise.

- he has nothing in the literal sense of the word, he lost owen, tati left, barbs moved on, he’s not in the agency anymore, but at the same time he has everything. he completes the phrase owen was never able to, he realizes that spies are forever. owens love was with him forever. owens hate was with him just as long. tati’s friendship was always there. the lines repeated over and over again, because its curts emotional journey. in the first spies are forever song, he didn’t say the word forever at the ending, owen did. the play was curt finallyrealizing what it was. a lie, a threat, an accusation, and finally a promise. its beautiful

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Phanniemay 2018 - Day 3

Yes, yes, I know Phanniemay is over, but I wanted to at least post the prompts I did get through. I had this grand plan to finish and post them all the last week of May, but then things got crazy, I needed major eye surgery, and I’m only just now being able to stare at my screen long enough to be able to proofread and edit my things. It’s been a long few days, y’all. Still, I hope you enjoy what I do have!

Prompt: Ghost Tech

Alternate Universe: Post show, no Phantom Planet, Trio age ~17

Rating: G+

Author Notes: It’s so fun playing with Tucker’s point of view, honestly. I love it.

Summary: Tucker knows that he isn’t the best and brightest out there, but he’s starting to understand just how big a gap there is between where he is and where he needs to be. There’s only one person that can help him, but man, it couldn’t be anyone else?

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::

“Yes, Danny, those are all the notes you need for the final tomorrow. I told you, I recorded the lectures, too. Although you probably won’t listen to them.”

“No one ever listens to the recorded lectures!” Letting Danny’s complaints wash over him, Tucker sighed softly and managed a bit of a smile. He’d take a complaining Danny over an unmoving one any day. “I miss three days of school and suddenly they think I’m going to go from C’s and B’s to A’s.”

“I think Lancer just wants you to pass, if it helps. He gave me about twenty sheets of notes to give to you when I told him I was collecting your homework.” Three days. Three days of Danny holed up at home and his parents just as unsure as them because they weren’t- They were scientists and Tucker and Sam were kids. None of them were doctors. “How are you doing?”

“Same as when you asked ten minutes ago, buddy. I’m fine, honestly. I think the last of it is finally clearing up.” The Fentons had figured it was some ghost version of the flu virus, but Tucker was going to bet it was something else considering how Danny had been throwing up ectoplasm at some points and he was burning up- He had ice powers and his fever had been out of control. “Where are you, anyways? The wind is going crazy on your end.”

“Just walking to that parts store to fix up the thermos again,” Tucker lied easily, trying to push the memories away. He never wanted to think on that time again - him, Danny, and Sam all curled up in a freezing cold shower, Danny shaking to pieces between them and sobbing roughly. “I wanted to fiddle with my PDA a bit more, too. Sam’s coming by later-”

“Ugh, yes, she’ll be here in half an hour.” Even through the groaning, Tucker could tell Danny was grinning. “And you need to chill out on all that tech stuff. It wasn’t your fault and you know it.”

“Sam should have her own notes if mine aren’t making sense. I’ll call you after I’m done, okay?” Not his fault. Yeah, right. He was supposed to be- When his tech failed, then what good was he?

“Yeah, okay. And that ghost getting out wasn’t your fault, Tuck. Me getting sick wasn’t your fault, either. Honestly, and you two call me hero-complexed.”

“Later, buddy,” Tucker laughed, hanging up the phone and letting his smile dropped as he stopped in front of the gates that blocked the path up to a ridiculously huge mansion. “Right. Now or never then, huh?”

Swallowing down his fear, which was pretty damn great, Tucker pressed the call button and nervously cleared his throat when he was asked to identify himself. “Uh, hi, Mr. Masters Plasmius sir? I, um- You probably don’t know me, but I’m a friend of Danny’s. Tucker Foley?”

There was a sharp, loud buzz before the gates opened rather dramatically, Tucker staring before making a face. “I had hoped we could just exchange phone numbers or something.” The gates started to close and Tucker swore before quickly running through them, near losing his shirt in the process. “Okay! Thank you! For, uh, seeing me, I guess?”

Nothing was coming up out of the ground and shooting at him, at least, and Plasmius wasn’t appearing to break his and Danny’s new truce and kidnap Tucker and use him as a bargaining chip, so that was good! That- That was very good.

Getting to the front door after a walk up a drive that was long enough to make Tucker regret every single choice in his life, he swallowed all of his fear and pride and gave a light, quiet knock. The door opened near at once.

“Ah, Mr. Foley. To what do I owe the pleasure of conversing with one of Daniel’s idiosyncratic acquaintances?” Okay, Tucker understood all of those words separately. Maybe.

“Hey, Mr. Masters Plasmius sir.” Being polite never hurt, right? At least Tucker wasn’t calling him Fruitloop. Danny would have found it great, but Danny wasn’t here to protect him from being killed. “I, uh, I had a question I kind of wanted to ask you?”

“How unfortunate for you that I seem to be all out of answers. Do make sure the gates shut on your way out.” Seeing the door start to close, Tucker took a page from Danny’s book and impulsively jumped forward to slip inside before it fully shut, flashing Plasmius a weak grin. “Would you rather the police escort you out?��

“Please, we both know I have at least three things on me that could revert you back to your ghost form.” Okay, Tucker, just breathe in and out and don’t think about the fact that he was threatening Plasmius.

“Daniel and his friends,” Plasmius muttered dryly, door shutting with a snap. “Speak quickly. I might be in a truce with Daniel, but that does not meant I am here to play mentor to his little friends.”

“Right.” Tucker was starting to see what Danny meant about punching Plasmius when spending longer than ten seconds around him. “I want to ask if you would teach me more about building and using ghost hunting technology.”

“Excuse me.” Yeah, wow, no, that was not a good look Tucker was getting right then. Okay. Right. Deep breath. Doing this for Danny. Danny who would do the same thing if their situations were reversed - and probably more. Ugh. Okay. Right.

“Please teach me more about building and using ghost weapons. Everything you’d be willing to teach me.” Yeah, wow, no, the look got worse. “This isn’t a joke or a ploy to get more information, I swear. It’s just- I need to know.”

“And just why, Mr. Foley, do you need to know these things? As far as I was aware you do not have any ghost powers to worry about. Your family is not in the business of hunting or detaining ghosts. You have no part in this world-”

“Fuck you.” The words slipped out before he could stop them, Tucker horrified when Plasmius’ eyes flashed red.

“Excuse me.” Okay, right, here was where he begged for forgiveness.

“I said fuck. You.” Except he had been spending too much time around his outspoken friends and this was… He couldn’t back down from this. “You can’t say this isn’t my world when I haven’t been out there every night since I was fourteen helping my best friend defend the town from monsters.”

“If you truly think ghosts are monsters-” Tucker didn’t even let him finish, just talking louder and bolder.

“They are when they attack my town and everyone in it just for fun! I was pulled into this fight and maybe I didn’t have to join it, but I sure as hell can’t leave it. I need to learn more about this technology and how to use it. I can’t just stand by and pretend this is all some game or afterschool activity when my friend could die any day!”

“He’s already dead.” It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room and it took everything Tucker had to not shake himself to pieces. “Whatever life Daniel had ended the moment he stepped through that portal. He may not be completely dead, but who he was certainly died.”

“Bullshit.” The red eyes weren’t so scary anymore. Not when he remembered what had just almost happened because he - because Tucker - wasn’t good enough. “And if it is true, then my life ended with his and I’m just as big a part of this as he is.”

“Are you really?” Drawing himself up, Tucker nodded as strong as he could. He wasn’t scared. Not when he knew that this might be the only way to get stronger.

“I can’t fight. I can’t do what Danny does, but I will run myself to the ground helping him as best I can. Danny’s not just my best friend. He’s- He’s my brother. We’ve been by each other’s sides since we were five. I’m not leaving him now. I can’t fight, but I can do other things. I’m good with tech, but I’m not good enough. I need to get better.”

“So you come to me. Why not go to Daniel’s parents? They have the technology as well - in fact, I rather believe that’s where you’ve been getting your own equipment these days.”

“Used to. I build everything myself now.” If Tucker was any crazier, then he might have admitted that he saw pride in Plasmius’ eyes. “I need to get better. Danny’s strong, but there are stronger things out there. You wouldn’t have made a truce with him if there wasn’t.”

“Mm.” Plasmius stared at him for a second more before turning and walking away, Tucker feeling every ounce of hope jerked out of him. “You could have merely studied their blueprints.”

“I did. I need to get better and you know how ghosts work. They don’t, yet.” Tucker watched Plasmius not even stop as he glanced back to him.

“Well? I’ll only waste so much of my time with this venture, Mr. Foley.” Wait- That was- Oh, holy shit.

“Yes sir, Mr. Masters Plasmius sir.” Tucker was running after him at once and while he still had the feeling he was about to be stabbed in the back, he at least knew he would learn something while he was there. Maybe this was what interns felt like for supervillains. Hm. That actually seemed rather accurate. “I can handle whatever you throw at me.”

“We’ll see.” Yes, he would.

[icerats]

Warnings: None! :)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

100 G/T Prompts Master List

Borrowers, Trauma, & Pasta: Chapter 4

(45.Company)

Ian walked at a steady pace towards the kitchen, determination burning in his eyes. Every second or so he would glance up, almost expecting a human to appear out of thin air. To be fair, a human might as well. It wasn’t like he knew this human’s particular schedule. He sighed, going borrowing without knowing a human’s schedule, add that to the mental tally of rules he had already broken.

Ian jumped when he heard a voice in the kitchen, breaking him out of his stupor. 

“Awwww thanks, Bestie! You’re so sweet keeping me company!!” a voice was yelling.

He was about ready to just turn around and try a different house before he realized something. The voice was loud, sure, but it wasn’t nearly as loud as a human would be. Could it really be another borrower? But what borrower would be stupid enough to YELL during their borrowing trip?

Cautiously he continued making his way towards the entrance of the human’s kitchen. With each step he took, he heard another word come out of that deranged borrower’s mouth.

“Ooooh! Bestie! Bestie! Look, the human left a whole chocolate bar out!! Ooooh! It’s a Hershey’s bar!!”

What borrower would steal something that noticeable? Or be so loud about it? Also who the hell are they talking to? Is there another borrower there who just is selectively mute?

“Bestieeeeee you should look more excited than that! So what if you don’t eat chocolate!? You should be happy for me, you know!!”

Ian was starting to wonder if it was a good idea to even try to talk to this person. Although it didn’t seem like they were the type to be aggressive or territorial, it wasn’t out of the question that they were likely not completely sane.

“Stop giving me that look! You eat fucking wood! Nasty rotting wood! And yet you judge me for liking chocolate!?”

They ate what?? I can’t decide who’s crazier, the stupidly loud one or whoever the hell “Bestie” is.

Ian decided he had enough of hearing this borrower talking nonsense. Finally nearing the counter, he took out his hook and swung it towards the countertop. It hit the granite with a barely audible cling, before bouncing off and falling to the floor.

That subtle noise, however, was enough get the other borrower’s attention. “Ohhhh! Is someone there!?”

Would it be wise to answer at this point? It isn’t too late to just turn around and find somewhere el-

Ian looked up to see a pair of crazed red eyes staring down at him.

Nevermind then!

“Ooooh! It is another borrower!? I’m so glad to see you! I don’t have many friends!”

Gee, I wonder why.

“Want to climb up here and chat?”

“Shouldn’t you be concerned about the human coming back?”

“Ehhh it’s fine! She's at some place called 'work' right now? Or maybe it’s called 'starbucks'? I don’t really know, but she won’t be back until later so we’re fine!”

“How do you know?”

“She writes her whole schedule on the calendar silly! Now come up here, my new friend! I wanna chat with you!!”

“I’m not your friend. And you seem awfully sure the human won’t come home early.”

“And you’re just paranoid! Don’t worry about it! How do you live life all miserable like that anyway!?”

“How the hell are you still alive?”

“Uhh because I haven’t died yet, duh!! Anyways, come up here! I’ll give you food if you dooooooooo!!”

Ian really, really, wasn’t sure he wanted to. But that didn’t change the fact that Elissa did need food..

“Fine.”

“Great!!! Throw your hook up here! I’ll catch it!!!”

“I’m sorry what?”

“I said I’d catch it silly!”

Ian stared at them blankly, “It’s a hook.. That has a pointed end. It could take your eye out if you get too close to it.”

“Ehh what’s life without a little danger? It wouldn’t be the first time someone tried to hurt me!”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Oh you know how it is, some people are just a little territorial ahah. A little slash there, a little needle stab there, and that’s how I got that scar over my eye!” Ian didn’t know what was worse, the words they were actually saying or the bubbly tone of voice they chose to tell their story in.

“Anywaysssss it’s all cool now! I totally won the fight! So now I have a cool story to tell! Not like I ever had anyone besides Bestie to tell it to… OH! Wait, I have you now!!! We’re gonna be best friends!”

Please kill me.

“Anyway, what are you waiting for, silly? Throw your hook up, the counter ain’t getting any closer.”

Ian sighed, but did as he was told. I actually hope my hook impales them. Maybe then they’ll stop talking.

Once he reached the top, he was immediately trapped in a hug. Does this bitch have no sense of personal space?!

He glared.

They smiled.

They seem to have no concept for reading social cues, not exactly surprising.

“Oh!!! I’m so glad you’re up here with me! Meet Bestie!!” Ian turned his head, only to see - IS THAT A FUCKING TERMITE!?

“Isn’t she just adorable?” No, the fuck she isn’t! Get that thing away from me!

The other borrower frowned, noticing his silence. 

Oh thank fuck maybe they’ll take a hint.

It was only a few seconds before their manic smile was plastered right back onto their face. “Oh, you’re the quiet type right? Don’t worry I can do the talking! Bestie is pretty quiet too!” For the love of God, please do not compare me to that thing.

“Anyways I’m Blaze! What’s your name? I need to introduce you to Bestie!” They patted that disgusting creature’s head. Ian wondered why the hell that termite hasn’t bitten them yet.

Ian sighed once again, but responded in a very clipped tone. “Ian,” he said gruffly.

“Oh I’m so glad to meet you Ian!! Such a pretty name! Awww I bet Bestie is happy to meet you too!”

“Bestie” continued to stare blankly at him. Black, beady eyes staring deep into his soul.

The male borrower shuttered, he sure as hell hoped that “Bestie” wasn’t happy to meet him.

“Oh! Right? I was gonna get you food! The chocolate is mine by the way! Sorry, not sorry! I am sorry about forgetting to get you food though! My bad!” Wow, I’m surprised you actually remembered.

Blaze swung their hook up, angling it towards the kitchen’s cupboards. “I’ll be right back! Stay put Ian!” 

Oh thank God they’re leaving! Wait.. the termite.. “DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THAT FUCKING THING!”

Blaze paused, glancing down from their rope. “Oh! Don’t worry about Bestie. She’s pretty shy, I’m sure you guys will get along great!”

Oh God please no.

[chokememrstark]

Requiem Of Memories // Part 10

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 2434 (Chapter 10 / 15)

Fic Summary: After their kiss, Sam feels very strange and goes to sleep. Still, he returns to Lucifer during the night and they have a rather interesting and nice chat. He can't help but wanting to be near Lucifer it seems.

angst, hurt & comfort, alternative universe, au!lucifer, mourning, depression, blood and gore, nightmares, loneliness

Note: I highly recommend to read Nightmares Become Reality before this, otherwise the premise of the story and the setting might not make much sense.

Tagging: @shebahda @sassysupernaturalsweetheart  @spnyoucantkeepmedown   @brieflymaximumprincess  @kajuned @archingangel @this-darkness-light @secretlydaydreaminglifeaway @humongouscandycoffee

If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!

Read on AO3!

It felt like an eternity that they kissed, but for Sam it couldn’t have been long enough, especially when Lucifer relaxed and actually kissed him back. For this short period of time, Sam felt like crying from the sheer intensity of emotions. There was something so painfully familiar about their touch that Sam’s heart ached when Lucifer eventually pulled away. It was like he lost something precious that he might never get back.

For two whole minutes the two simply looked at each other, Lucifer visibly shocked from what had just happened between them. The longer Sam looked at him, the more he succumbed to the creeping up horror and fear inside of him. His face felt incredibly hot while the rest of his body was freezing cold and his chest tightened so much that he could barely breathe.

“I’m so sorry, oh god....” even Sam’s voice was just a shadow of itself, crackling and pleading desperately. “I didn’t… I mean I did, but I didn’t mean to… I…”

“Sam, breathe,” Lucifer said forcibly calm. “It’s all good, really.”

“No… no no no!” Sam gasped breathlessly. “I… I shouldn’t have done that! I’m sorry, I didn’t think, I didn’t think at all… that was so uncalled for!”

“You didn’t stab me, Sam.” This time, Lucifer sounded much calmer and even smiled at the hunter softly. “It was a kiss, not attempted murder.”

“But it wasn’t right !” Sam insisted, running a hand through his hair desperately. He couldn’t believe what he had just done. How could this have happened? And why now, in this completely impossible situation? Sam felt so awful he thought he would throw up at any given moment.

“It’s all good, I promise,” Lucifer assured the brunet and laid a hand on his cheek. Sam looked up almost panicking, his eyes wild and wide and completely out of himself. Lucifer’s expression softened when he looked at him. “Maybe it’s the blood loss, but that was actually very nice. I already feel a bit better now. Apparently your saying to ‘kiss it better’ actually works.”

Sam could feel his heartbeat in his ears, his hands tingling and as much as he tried to concentrate, the humming sound in his head was overwhelming. A part of him wanted to kiss Lucifer again, but another part wanted to run away as fast as he could and hide in a hole somewhere for the rest of his life. This was surely the most embarrassing thing he had ever done in his life.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” Lucifer continued, his thumb gently stroking over the stubbled skin on Sam’s cheek. “You had a very eventful and rough day, maybe it’s best if you go to bed now.”

In lack of a verbal response, Sam just nodded. He could barely fight the urge to lean into Lucifer’s touch and it got more and more difficult with each passing second. When Lucifer stood up, Sam followed him immediately, the angel’s hand still on his cheek and his eyes still looking into Sam’s own, making it unable for the hunter to break eye contact. He could have stayed like this for the rest of his life and he wouldn’t have complained, even if the mere thought was hideous.

“You were really amazing today,” Lucifer said and, much to Sam’s surprise, leaned forward for another kiss. It was short and gentle, almost like a piece of satin brushing over Sam’s lips, but it had a very similar effect as the first. Sam’s knees became weak and he only managed to support himself by holding onto the other’s arm. He hadn’t felt like this in so many years, he couldn’t understand what was going on. When Lucifer broke the kiss, a faint smile decorated his lips. “Go and get some rest, we can talk tomorrow if you want to.”

Sam couldn’t answer. Again he was reduced to a weak nod when Lucifer retreated his hand. For a moment he wished that the angel wouldn’t go, that he would stay with him and that they’d talk now, but he knew this was a bad idea. He was exhausted and conflicted, his shaking hands alone were proof for that. So, instead of asking Lucifer to stay, as his first urge had been, he walked over to the bed and laid down.

Despite not thinking he would find any rest for a long time, Sam was out within a few minutes already. In the end, it had been a rough day, even if he wanted to deny it. Between the worry about Lucifer and their kiss, he had also met this world’s version of Meg and probably lost some of his mind on the way too, while he was at it. After all, he had just kissed Lucifer! Lucifer, the literal freaking Devil of this world and the reason it was in ruins. And still, it had felt so amazing, hadn’t it? Sam couldn’t explain why he felt so much bliss during the short touch of their lips, or even more when Lucifer had done it again . He should feel scared and awful, but he didn’t.

Sam fell asleep, but his mind couldn’t forget what had happened before during the whole time. He kept thinking, kept wondering what had happened that he suddenly felt the urge to do something stupid like this. Maybe it was just his sheer exhaustion and unstable state in the end, it could be. But why did it feel so good then? Was he really so lonely that he did something like this just to feel a little better? Or was he so relieved that Lucifer would survive and so touched by his words that he forgot everything else around them? When Sam woke up a few hours later, he still had no answer. His head hurt and he still had a hot knot in his stomach that made him want to scream, but he didn’t know what on earth had gotten into him to do something like this.

After laying there and staring at the ceiling for a few minutes - which was difficult because it was still dark outside - Sam slid off the bed. He stood there for a whole five minutes to decide what to do next and what he came to do was probably even crazier than their kiss. For the first time since he was here, Sam walked over to the door that Lucifer had said led to his own bedroom and knocked on it. There was no reaction at first and Sam was about to give up already when a faint ‘Come in!’ reached his ears. Slowly he pushed the door open and peeked into the room.

“Lucifer?” Sam knew he acted very intrusive right now, but he couldn’t help it. “Is everything okay? Do you need something?”

It took a moment before the darkness was lightened up by a lamp next to the bed, but when it did, Sam saw Lucifer sitting on it and looking at him.

“I am fine, thank you,” Lucifer said with a warm smile. “What about you? Do you feel better now?”

“Yeah, a little,” Sam awkwardly scratched his neck and looked up. “Hey, can we talk for a moment? I mean, if you have time of course.”

“I always have time for you, Sam;” Lucifer said and patted on the big spot next to him on the bed. “Come inside. I hope you’re not surprised, this room isn’t very luxurious sadly.”

Sam nodded and followed Lucifer’s invitation. He didn’t bother to look around much, even though he noticed that the room was indeed rather shabby and empty.

“About last night,” Sam began when he sat down, sighing deeply. “I’m sorry, really. I shouldn’t have kissed you, that was very inappropriate and rude.”

“I told you already that it’s okay and I meant it,” Lucifer insisted, still smiling. “You forgot yourself for a moment, nothing to be ashamed about.”

“I know, but I shouldn’t have done this.” Sam shook his head. “I don’t know what got into me, it just… happened.”

“And?” Lucifer asked, drawing Sam’s gaze up to him. “You could have done worse, Sam. What you did was worry about my health and you did everything in your power to help me, which I am very thankful for.”

“And I kissed you without your consent.”

“So did I after that,” Lucifer smirked. “We’re even. And now stop blaming yourself for every step you make, it’s not going to help you in any way.”

Sam smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He was glad that Lucifer wasn’t mad at him, but how could he stop being mad at himself for doing something stupid like this? It wasn’t as if this had been the first time, really, and all because of some flowery and charming words?

“In case you are worrying,” Lucifer continued after a moment of silence. “You are a good kisser, so I won’t say I didn’t enjoy it.”

“You… what?” Sam’s voice died in his throat and he felt his cheeks becoming hot again.

“I think you heard me,” Lucifer chuckled. “It’s all good, I am not mad at you and I am glad you were here to help me when I came back. This fight was awful and I don’t know if I would have made it if it weren’t for you tending to my wounds.”

“But… you’re an archangel,” Sam mumbled, a little confused. “Couldn’t you have just… healed yourself?”

“Of course,” Lucifer smiled. “But even an archangel can have a hard time recovering when they were attacked by three dozen angels at the same time. Our power is like a battery and if we use too much of it, we have to recharge.”

That made sense, but it was hard to believe for Sam that he had actually helped Lucifer. Maybe he assisted him a little, but he had freaked out basically while doing it.

“I’m glad you are okay now,” Sam eventually said, looking down at his hands. “Meg was really worried too.”

“Ah yes, Meg.” Lucifer leaned back into his pillow. “She’s a very loyal one, but a little reckless at times. I hope she wasn’t too mean to you.”

“No,” Sam quickly shook his head. “She was actually rather nice! I mean, after a while. Just like our Meg, kinda…”

“Your Meg?” Lucifer asked and Sam turned around with a smile.

“Are you that surprised?” he asked. “I mean, she was different and all, but their personalities are rather similar.”

“So, your Meg is a little annoying demon too?��

Sam had to laugh at this, as it was a kind of fitting description of the Meg he had known. The most fitting part being annoying, especially when she had possessed him.

“She was… unique,” he eventually answered. “At first she was really nasty and even possessed me, but she… kind of turned? I don’t know why, but she changed. After the apocalypse she was different.”

“What happened?” Lucifer wanted to know amused. “Maybe I can use it to help with mine too.”

Sam’s gaze turned a little sadder and his smile vanished.

“It ended,” he simply said. “She was on our Lucifer’s side when the apocalypse was going on, that didn’t help her after we jumped. Another demon took over hell and everyone who was loyal to Lucifer had a very bad time after that.”

“She’s very loyal indeed,” Lucifer said. “Mine is too. She can be annoying, but she is still young. Out of all my demons, she is the one who stayed most human.”

“Why that? Do you have any idea?”

“I assume you know how demons become demons? Souls being tortured and corrupted in hell, the whole ordeal?”

“Yeah, I heard of it,” Sam huffed.

“Well, Meg wasn’t like that. She died when she was only eighteen, suicide.” Lucifer shrugged at Sam’s surprised glare. “She didn’t even get tortured much. It only took a week until she changed and became a demon. I think that’s why she is still very human inside, there was not enough punishment to fully get rid of it.”

“Wow, that would answer some questions,” Sam mumbled. “Our Meg was able to show compassion by the end.”

“Yes, she can do that here too. But mostly it’s directed at me, don’t ask why. I have no idea.” Lucifer laughed awkwardly, something that made Sam’s stomach tingle slightly. “She’s a good one though, very reliable and strong.”

“She’s nice, yeah,” Sam smirked. “I like her.”

“I think you’re the first human she likes too, in a long time at least,” Lucifer nodded. “She told me what you told her about my other demons too, how they treat you.”

“Oh,” Sam’s face flushed even worse than before now. “I… I didn’t mean to complain or anything, really. It just came up…”

“No, it’s okay,” Lucifer raised a hand to prevent Sam from interrupting. “I’m glad I know and it will not happen again. You are not a threat, you are not a spy either. You are my guest and they will treat you with respect or suffer the consequences. My home is yours now, Sam.” Lucifer gave the hunter the most affectionate and gentle smile he had seen until now. It made his whole body feel warm somehow. “No harm will come to you here and this is not their decision, it’s mine and mine alone.”

“I’m flattered,” Sam said honestly. He was a little embarrassed, but that Lucifer actually cared for this matter was very moving. The angel was full of surprises it seemed, but most of them turned out to be very nice ones in the end.

“I am very content with you being here, Sam,” Lucifer suddenly said, which pulled Sam out of the strange mesmerized state that he had slipped into. “You are special and you are unique to this dying world and having you by my side is a new experience that I enjoy very much.”

“But, I’m just me…” Sam muttered.

“And ‘just you’ is what this world has never seen before - what I have never seen before,” Lucifer smiled. “You told me you were never born in this world and now look what it has come to. Your world is different, you saved it countless of times. Your world is alive because of you.”

Sam had never thought about it this way before, after all it was very narcissistic to claim that he was the savior of the world and mankind. The world wasn’t alive because of him, or not?

[ecotone99]

[MF]/[HM] The Heavens Have A Limit.

A tall, worn-down looking man with a thick gray beard and a suit appears. He clears his throat, and paces around the room in silence for a few moments before speaking:

Jesus wasn’t lying, you know.

All that stuff did actually happen.

The bible, surprisingly, is nonfiction. Yes, I flooded the earth; yes, I created humanity; yes, I do hear it every time you use my name in vain, and no, for fuck’s sake, redneck #3712 from Mississippi, I am not “out to get” specifically you because you’ve had a bad day. But other than that, for the most part, the supposed “myths” are true. And frankly, the entire story is a bit of a mess if you ask me.

Now first off, I need you all to understand something very important about me: I was very, very young when all of this happened. Well--relatively speaking, I suppose I was ancient at the time, but what's important is that it was only just after I had created humanity. Life on earth was my little passion project. First came the single-celled organisms, which were kind of my test guinea pigs, and I let them grow and change as my ideas got bigger and crazier. Soon enough there were fish and trilobites. Everything was turning out as I had hoped. I even had some creatures walking on land. With legs.

God, legs were a strange idea.

Soon I was throwing legs at everything I saw. I got smashed one night and gave these fucking noodles a hundred legs each. You humans started calling them centipedes. Funniest thing I’d seen all month. The next morning, when I’d sobered up, I thought the idea was just too good not to keep. But yes, eventually these creatures got further and further along until I was finally ready for my masterpiece, my magnum opus: the human.

And Jesus Christ--the entire project flopped. Why do you think I’m talking to you all now? I’m not supposed to interact with my projects. I’m supposed to remain something of a folk legend. A concept. A maybe. A haunting suspicion in the back of people’s minds, existing for humans only as a vague idea fueled by faith and faith alone. Well hey, I guess this is your proof. Surprise, everybody! I’m real, and you’re all dumbasses.

So why am I here? It’s because, frankly, it doesn’t matter anymore. Congratulations, everybody. You’ve made God a nihilist. You ruined yourselves. You were apes. You were beautiful and intelligent, but at the end of the day, you were still apes. You foraged. You hunted. But it wasn’t long before you began to hack the system.

It started with farming.

I thought you were just curious, like a baby human first exploring the world, shoving anything it can into its mouth (and yes, by the way, I made babies stupid for fun). But it went further than I expected. A few of you watched plants a little too closely and figured them out. I didn’t think you’d do that. You weren’t supposed to do that! It stopped being birds that shat seeds from the sky, and instead, soon, you were ruining perfect ground and placing the seeds yourselves. The old lifestyle entirely died out. You all switched to farming. You found the code, and you were never meant to do that. You weren’t meant to figure out seeds, to figure out fire, to figure out any of it.

Because the fact of the matter is, well, you’re humans. Your preferred state of nature had, for eons, been ignorance. You loved ignorance! It was a happy time! You were glad not knowing how things worked, and you were fine with hunting and gathering. And I was happy too! My project was working out! Any conflicts were minor tribal conflicts, and my enchanting vision was coming to its glorious fruition. And then you weren’t so satisfied, and then it was too late for me to stop you.

Next up came the stone age. Needless to say, stones are hard. I made them hard. It was my way of making the world untouchable. Like what I suppose you humans would call “solitary confinement”. It was my way of making sure you humans, with all your strength and intellect, wouldn’t be able to destroy the beauty I’d crafted around you. You were supposed to be stuck and unable to ruin it. The earth was a beautiful wallpaper painted with mountains and ravines and rivers and snow, but you weren’t meant to try to change the paint on the wall! So, I made it out of stone. I created the earth, and how stunning it was! And how best to protect it than by making almost all of it out of a damn near indestructible material?

[Sigh.]

But you figured that one out too, didn’t you?

You always were the smartest ones. And before you ask, no, dolphins aren’t that smart.

And then after stone, you picked up bronze. You weren’t meant to harness fine metals. Fine metals weren’t even meant to exist outside of their states in ore. I didn’t even know it was possible! You melted away the stone, which I’d never even thought of doing, revealing such beautiful metal! You cracked a code I didn’t even program. And all the while, Christ above, all the while, you prayed.

You thanked me. You praised me! Olivacus Prolletti, a prominent merchant from Rome, actually said to me in one of his memorable prayers that I had gifted you all with a world of wonders to explore and things to discover. I didn’t do any of that. You all were just so incessantly curious that you went out and found things you weren’t supposed to find.

[A pause.]

Everything else followed suit. Onward came steel. And then gunpowder. And then drugs, and politics, and genocide, and guns, and world-domination, and empires, and bloodspill, and monarchies, and dictatorships, and for fuck’s sake, all of it was in my name!

Why am I talking to you all?

It’s because I finally cracked. I’m done. I’m hanging up the hat. I’m being “let go.” Leaving. Finding other work. Quitting. I’m sick of the crusades and the walls on the borders and the civil wars, and all of it being in my name. You’re not my passion project anymore. You’re my mistake. It’s ironic that you fear the machines you’ve created gaining consciousness and destroying you--that’s the plot of that popular movie, eh, Terminator, right?--well, yes, that's awfully ironic. Because you mock yourselves.

You mock yourselves.

You’ve gained consciousness, and with every sword you stab into another human while uttering that it is in my name, you defile your creator.

Consider this my letter of resignation.

Enjoy your peaceful nonexistence, humans.

submitted by /u/Chocolate_Mill [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2XthTMk

[itsiotrecords-blog]

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Arguments are an integral part of life. They make us human. However, sometimes, lines can be crossed. Screaming matches or brawls just happen, especially when alcohol or drugs are involved. If you’re lucky, nobody’s hurt. However, that’s usually not the case. Law enforcement and jail time become realities, and the person you love the most can be seriously hurt. It’s just a scary situation. Thankfully, when you’re embroiled in a spat, you’re only going so far with your quarrel. While you’ll probably apologize the next day for stupid things said, at least you and your friend can make amends. Other people aren’t as lucky, though. Even the dumbest fights can end in horrific catastrophes. From a bag of chips to a can of beer, people have actually fought to death for certain items. Obviously, the outcome is never good. Nobody ever thinks about losing his/her life at the hands of someone else, but the crime happens all of the time. Not only are people getting murdered (one person is reportedly killed every 60 seconds), but they’re dying in vain, quite literally. Their loved ones are left lost, and their deaths can be confusing even for police to understand. Why would a person kill for a $2.00 beer from a gas station, and why would a person kill for a $1.50 Diet Coke? Police are baffled. So are the families and friends of the victims, not to mention the rest of the world. Murder is horrible, but it’s even more so when victims have died for literally nothing.

#1 Transphobia On Deck Unfortunately, the LGBTQIA+ community is at risk every day. They face ungodly realities of violence and, for the transgender community, said violence is common. While nobody should be hurt over their sexuality, identity, nor appearance, the crimes happen all of the time. Unfortunately, even their loved ones are in danger. According to a History and Headlines article, a soldier was brutally beaten to death. Why? He was in love with “a transgender showgirl.” He was constantly harassed, but one soldier took his hatred too far. He ended up killing him in 1999 only because of his insecurity and heterosexism.

#2 A Facebook Friend Gone Wrong Your Facebook friends, for the most part, would be like your acquaintances in real life. Maybe you met them briefly in class, or maybe you talked to them at a party. Regardless of the reason why, they’re now able to see your Facebook feed. However, what would happen if you unfriended those individuals? You’d think nothing. Well, couple Billie and Billy unfriended Jenelle Potter from their own account, and they got much more than radio silence. Potter instead asked for help from her father and brother. She wanted them to kill the couple, and they actually did. They shot Billie and Billy dead.

#3 This Story Stinks Farting in public is embarrassing, but did you know that it’s also dangerous? In 2012, a 16-year-old girl named Shaakira Dorsey got into a fight with another girl from her neighborhood. They were enmeshed in an intense battle because of a fart. According to an online source, “Dorsey made fun of the girl for farting,” so the girl beat her to death. Their altercation, unfortunately, was unlike any other. Dorsey lost her life, and people can say that they were witnesses to such a tragedy. Not only were children and grownups watching, but her own stepfather watched too. The entire situation just smells rotten.

#4 The Other Kennedy Assassination Everybody knows about John F. Kennedy’s assassination, but not everybody knows about his brother’s assassination. On June 6, 1968, Robert F. Kennedy was killed by Sirhan Sirhan, a Jordanian man who worked in the United States as a farmhand. While he didn’t kill Kennedy over chips or a channel, his reasoning was still equally messed up. His motive was purely political. The Christian was upset that Kennedy supported Israel, so he shot the politician. While his move was disturbing, it was also shocking. After all, Christians are usually supportive of an area like Israel, so Sirhan’s dumb decision made him look like even more of a dunce. What a shame!

#5 The Tip Jar’s Not Complementary Remember that you can’t steal money from a tip jar. The $5.39 is just not worth losing your life. However, people will still try to get away with their less-than-stealthy stealing skills. Just look at Texan Benito Pantoja. He was only 24 years old when he was fatally shot. Apparently, he tried to steal money from a food truck, which only left him with a bullet to his back. “The owner of Tacos Del Indio, parked near the Ship Channel, ran him down as he tried to escape with the cash, fired into the getaway car and hit Pantoja in the back,” an article states. The thief literally lost his life over $20 in stolen tip money. Who knew taco pop-up shops could be so ruthless?

#6 A Junk Food Junkie People do crazy things when they’re high, especially when they’re on a sugar high. A man named Dan White left his white-collar career, but not by choice. He was replaced by Harvey Milk, which led White down a destructive path. He eventually shot and killed Milk and San Francisco’s Mayor, George Moscone. Instead of mental illness, White blamed his actions on his diet. “White used the excuse that his judgment and thinking were adversely affected by junk food, called by the press ‘the Twinkie defense,’” a report states. His excuse was crazy, but what was even crazier was the jury’s response. He only served 5 years in prison.

#7 ‘Imagine’ John Lennon’s Killer John Lennon, the main man of the revolutionary band The Beatles, was killed in the early days of December 1980. His killer, Mark Chapman, said he shot the “Imagine” singer four different times because Lennon annoyed him. Chapman could be best described as a Christian zealot, a man who would do anything in the name of Jesus. He’d even murder for his religion, which is exactly what he did. Chapman found Lennon to be a hypocrite, and he was extremely angry at the musical genius. “Chapman was irritated by Lennon singing about ‘Imagine no possessions’ when Lennon was rich and had many possessions,” a History and Headlines article states. To this day, Chapman’s still in prison. He’ll probably die in there.

#8 Cheetos Is Truly ‘Dangerously Cheesy’ You and your friend haven’t bonded if you guys have never fought over food. Between arguing over what restaurant to pick, takeout to order, or bill to pay, y’all just love food–especially junk food. Sometimes, you’re loving Ho-Hos more than your friend, which is totally okay. However, when you’re killing your friend for Ho-Hos, then you’ve definitely gone too far. However, in St. Louis, Missouri, a man named David Scott murdered another homeless man, Roger Wilkes, for his Cheetos. Wilkes was stabbed for a bag of chips, which brings new meaning to the brand’s slogan, “It ain’t easy being cheesy.”

#9 Buy Your Own Beer Beer has any American’s heart, which is probably why alcohol addiction is so common in the United States. While it’s no secret that people can be overdosed on alcohol, people can also die from alcohol in other ways. According to Houston Press, one man got shot over cases of beer. “When he allegedly grabbed a 12-pack of Bud Light and walked out, the clerk grabbed his gun and followed,” the article states. The thief was then shot. As cops arrived on the scene, the convenient store’s employees gave away more information. Apparently, the deceased man would steal a 12-pack and a 20-pack of beer a day. His addiction got the best of him, and it got the best of the workers too.

#10 A Killer Party Thanks to Raul Rodriguez, one party turned into a bloodbath. His neighbor was hosting a loud lively party, which really bothered Rodriguez. In fact, the man was so disturbed that he grabbed both his gun and camcorder. He was going to shoot the attendees, and he was going to document the deaths. “He had lured several people outside with a flashlight and shot and killed one 36-year-old man, wounding two others. He recorded the whole thing,” a newspaper states. He wanted evidence, so when the cops showed up, he’d have proof of his distress. His plan didn’t go quite the way he wanted it to turn out. He was sentenced to 40 years behind bars.

#11 Fanatic Kills Man Of Little Faith When the Bible’s passage “O ye of little faith” is read, the words “shall be killed” don’t follow. Justin Green would say differently. According to him, he shot a man named Jose Ramirez because he lacked faith in God. Not only did Green kill him, but Green’s friend also used his credit card to buy pizza. However, what makes this story even worse is how many years Green avoided the police. Ramirez was buried five years before his murderer was ever caught, which is scarier than Green and his friend eating a slice of Papa John’s. For all the police know, Green could’ve shot and killed more “non-believers” or anyone else he disliked.

#12 Cold Eggs And Ham There’s nothing better than a home-cooked breakfast. However, cold breakfast is enough to trigger your gag reflex, which is probably why a man named Stanley Neace shot his wife, her daughter, and their neighbors. “Neace got a little agitated when his wife Sandra served him a plate of scrambled eggs that had gone cold,” a Crave article states. Obviously, the man had a few screws loose, not to mention an anger problem. No matter how poorly breakfast was made, who in their right mind would actually shoot and kill the people they (supposedly) love the most? Nobody. Well, except for Neace. Before police arrived at the trailer park, Neace had shot himself.

#13 A Murderous Crapshoot Honestly, there’s nothing worse than using the bathroom without toilet paper nearby, especially when you know your roommate was too lazy to replace the roll. Franklin Paul Crow knows the pain from firsthand experience. His friend, Kenneth Matthews, forgot to leave toilet paper in the bathroom, so Crow had nothing to wipe himself with. However, unlike most people, Crow released his anger by murdering Matthews. “Incensed by having to walk around poopy, Crow grabbed a sledgehammer and bludgeoned Matthews to death, finishing the job with a claw hammer,” Crave states. The two men were already having problems with each other, so Matthews’ inconsiderateness was what pushed Crow over the edge. He was definitely pissed off.

#14 Channeling Their Anger It’s painful sharing a television with your entire family. David Makoeya, a 61-year-old South African, would tell you the same thing. He and his wife, son, and daughter were watching television together. They were watching a religious program on air, but Makoeya wanted to watch a soccer game instead. He changed the channel, and by the way the rest of his family acted, you would’ve thought he killed a small village. His wife, son, and daughter repeatedly “stabbed him to death.” He was beaten by his loved ones over a television. The entire story’s hard to fathom. However, at least Makoeya no longer has to deal with his barbaric family. Now, he can watch soccer matches to his heart’s content…somewhere else.

#15 Losing The Mom-Of-The-Year Award No matter how much fun Facebook games can be, play at your own risk. If you’re anything like Alexandra Tobias, you’ll value virtual reality over your family, friends, and children. In 2010, the mother was growing her crops on the outdated game FarmVille, an online world where Facebook users can grow agriculture and raise livestock. When her infant Dylan kept crying, Tobias snapped. She was so enraged that she shook her baby countless times. “She shook him to death, taking a break in the middle of her horrific act to have a cigarette,” Crave concludes. No matter how many awards Tobias achieved in the game, she lost the (supposedly) most important award of her life—motherhood. Games can be one hell of a drug.

Source: TheRichest