#borrowers trauma & pasta

[fandoms-in-law]

Stories Chapter 2

chapter 1

Chapter Summary: Robin and Steve get to Steve's house and after dancing around Steve's reaction to his notebooks being found get distracted by something bigger

Warnings: child abuse and neglect, suicidal indeation (all warnings are for things that happened in the past of the story, not the present)

/\/\

That evening came too soon for Steve, but he was at least able to focus on the fact he and Robin were closing meant all the kids should be in their homes before he got to his, so only Eddie and Robin would have any opportunity to ask any questions.

Eddie was waiting on the sofa when Robin and Steve got there, cuddling one of the notebooks Steve had definitely asked to be put in his room and ignored.

"It's the one Lucas borrowed to take notes in. Don't worry, after your call I moved him next to me so neither he nor any of the other brats could keep reading your writing. He stuck to just the pages at the back he was taking notes on before they decided to see what these are hidden for." Eddie explained before anything could be said. "I said it's your choice if the pages are torn out for him to add to his dnd notes or he needs to copy them from one of the others.”

Steve nodded after a moment, holding a hand out to get his notebook back before heading to the kitchen. "I need dinner and a drink if Robs is set on actually talking about this shit. But thanks for that. It's just private stuff though, stupid nonsense."

"Didn't seem stupid to me, but you're right. There's no pressure to talk about anything you don't want to." Eddie countered but got up to follow him through.

"There is. It's something I should work through and this one is set that we're going to help each other through the trauma we've faced whether that's Hawkins hell related or not apparently." Steve sighed, tuning out Robin's reply and the conversation that grew between her and Eddie as he focused on cooking a simple pasta.

"Dinner and are you planning to bring up the elephant in the room now, or after we've eaten?" Steve asked eventually, turning around with the plated food and going to the fridge to grab drinks out.

Eddie hummed, "You okay if we say now? I mean this seems to be making you more tense the longer it's delayed and they are just some stories."

"I'm fine and no. They're what was needed for King Steve to exist! These are pages telling me the monsters can be defeated, that we can be safe in a town sitting atop hell like Hawkins is." Steve shook his head, hand automatically going to his notebook to prevent anyone else taking it even though neither moved.

Robin shrugged after a moment. "Why did king Steve need to exist if you had to write stories to be him? Stories you can't stand us knowing about let alone sharing."

"Want me to list what a Harrington is for you? Cause you won't find stories, read or written or simply dreamt anywhere in there." He huffed, eating before he could say anything more and wondering if he could get out of answering too many questions by keeping his mouth full. It didn't seem likely; if he tried they'd just wait until he finished.

Eddie confused him however by looking around the room, wandering into the living room for a moment. "You know I've wondered before why there are no book here and assumed they're all just kept in cupboards or something. You're telling me that no, you're just not allowed them? Seriously? Fuck money if it means you can't have stories! That's fucked up Stevie!"

"It's what my life has been. Fit the expectations, never give away the times I struggle to reach them and keep our name important to the town." Steve stated.

There must have been something in his voice or expression because Robin shared a look with Eddie before asking, "What happens if you don't meet their expectations?"

"This, at first at least." He gestured broadly to the house around them, empty as always. "Then later things like the pool heating being turned off so I either couldn't practice or risked hypothermia each time, being kept from school trips, and you know money was cut off when I didn't get into college. That wasn't the first time though. They were never here way before then and the amount they left for me to survive on was based on how well I was meeting their expectations. The amount they sent for extended trips just the same."

Neither knew how to respond to it and after a few moments of seeing Robin and Eddie both try to think of what to say Steve continued, "Do you get it now? Everything has to be what they want or that could happen again. It can't - I can't - I've no fucking clue how to let it go because it's still hovering there. Doctor Owens said they'd do something after realising my parents weren't around to confirm the keep quiet payment, but that just got me paperwork."

Robin frowned at that, then clapped her hands. "Show us this paperwork then dingus. Maybe he did do something since we got full bank accounts to keep our mouths shut. Didn't you?"

"Third time, this time, yeah. I guess I did." Steve said after thinking for a moment.

"I'm calling Nancy. You two chat." Robin declared. "Don't give me that look. I'm just asking what she and Mike got for keeping shtum. They've been in this from the start so she'll know if getting paperwork is weird which I'm sure it is."

They watched her disappear into the living room before Steve jumped up to clear their plates away. "I could swear she's waiting as long as she can before asking to look in the notebook."

"Was Dnd what you meant when you said I do things daily you'd prefer to face Russians than do?" Eddie asked instead of responding.

"Just sharing stories." He shrugged. "I just want to feel safe enough for that."

"I hope I'm someone that can happen around, Stevie. The bit I read before realising you probably wouldn't want us reading that was really good. You've been telling yourself stories for a while, haven't you?" Eddie's voice was soft, gentle as he watched Steve decide to clean the dishes.

Steve paused in his movements before glancing back at him almost shyly. "I think you will be. I've thought about showing them to you before, but it's just-"

"Everything drilled into you mind by the genetic excrement you came from." He finished, making Steve laugh when he understood the insult to his parents.

"And Nancy agrees it's weird you got paperwork instead of a full bank account. Where's the paperwork you got?" Robin called, coming back through and looking over the table as if expecting it to be there now.

Both men rolled their eyes. "It's in my room. If you're really set on looking through it then let's go. It's not gonna change anything. My parents still rule the house."

"Legally that might not be so." Robin tutted. "Let's go."

"I'm leading the way and putting my notebooks away before doing anything to get this paperwork out." Steve insisted, catching her shoulder to pull her back when she tried to hurry up the stairs ahead of him.

All his notebooks were out, scattered over his bed, some left open even and Steve didn't give his friends a chance to follow him in, slamming the door behind him to make sure nothing more was read of them. He couldn't bring himself to rush putting them away though.

These books felt like his friends just as much as the pair outside his door and the kids who caused all this were. He wouldn't risk damaging them or the stories that had comforted through pressures and nightmares alike.

Only once the were safely back in his wardrobe did he open the door to Robin's knocking that had been constant from the moment he shut it.

"How long did Dustin take to bring a notebook down for Lucas to take notes in?" he asked to Eddie, already having realised that he'd have been called earlier than he was if all his notebooks had been seen by everyone.

Eddie thought for a moment before admitting, "Long enough that Mike was about to rip pages from his notebook for Lucas and in his words 'drag Dustin to the game by his ears'. Erica volunteered to do the same."

"Which one looked through the notebook that convinced you to call me?" Steve knew how shy he felt over the subject was clear in how quiet his voice had become.

"Dustin again. When I called for a break he told Lucas to look in the front and got all the shitheads involved except for Erica who said she'd murder them if they acted like that over her notes and bet you would too."

Steve snorted at that. "Which was when you called me to prevent any murders?"

"Which was when I confiscated the notebook to check if it was private. I think there was a suicidal character on the page they were looking at then. That's when I called you." Eddie was serious now, searching Steve's face for a reaction and clearly surprised when he relaxed a little more then.

Steve just waved a hand, standing to start finding the paperwork from Doctor Owens. "Best way to story myself calm; project then have characters argue with it."

He froze when arms wrapped tightly around him, first one pair then another, halting his actions.

"You ever feel like that again, call me, call Robin, just fucking promise you'll let us help rather than just storying yourself calm." Eddie's voice was choked, rough and it took a moment of repeating the last things they said in his head for Steve to understand why.

"It wasn't a big thing, just thoughts after a nightmare. You know, middle of the night thoughts that mean fuck all in daylight." he tried to reassure. "I'm not going anywhere back then or now."

"Promise us anyway. We want to be here for you like you're here for everyone else." Robin insisted now, her grip on him tightening.

Steve huffed a laugh, hoping hearing it would help them relax that he's there and happy with them. "Fine, I promise that if ever thoughts of being better off dead are in my head I will try to reach out. Not saying for certain though."

"I guess that's good enough." They both pulled away, still watching him with concern.

"Can we focus on these pages and pages of nonsense that are meant to get me to keep quiet about the first two encounters with the Upside-down?" Steve let go of his wish to comfort them, opting for distraction instead. He quietly thought that since it would still be helping him they'd feel better doing that than the other distractions he was more tempted to use for himself.

Thankfully the pair accepted it, taking the pages, though still shooting concerned glances at him every so often. “So I'll take whatever you got the second time this happened and Robin can look through the first time things?” Eddie suggested, already taking the first pile out of Steve's hands and he pulled it out from his bedside table cabinet.

“I think it's all mixed together...” Steve mused, looking at the rest of the folders he'd put it in as he tugged it out. “You don't want me to go through it with you?” He asked a moment later, realising Eddie hadn't mentioned him.

Eddie chuckled slightly. “Stevie, if you actually cared what all this is, you'd have looked through it or tried to understand it before now. Or asked what it all is whenever Doctor Owens gave it to you. We're not going to force you into trying to understand it when you don't like 'paperwork' and the many things that word could include.”

“You could bake us some cookies or something to snack on while reading.” Robin suggested, recognising the feeling useless pout as he let it form. “I know you've been complaining about never getting to bake anything more interesting than sugar cookies or chocolate chip ones because the kids always ask for them.”

Steve looked between them for a moment. “I'm baking bread, then a Swiss roll. We can have French toast in the morning.” He decided.

…

He was halfway through baking the Swiss roll, doing some of the washing up in the short time it needed when he heard Robin come downstairs to the living room. “Yeah, hey Hopper, need some how to advice, you got a minute?” She said a moment later, piquing his curiosity enough that Steve moved to hover in the doorway between the rooms.

“Yeah, I want to know how Steve can change his landline number and how difficult it is to change the locks on doors?” If he wasn't already curious just because she was calling Hopper, that sentence had him hanging on every word, wishing he could hear Hopper's replies.

“You'll show us how this weekend? Seriously? Perfect and the phone? It's a company or phone line provider thing? Thanks, I'll get on with convincing him it's necessary then.” Steve felt like his eyebrows were about to detach and start climbing his hair with how high they must have gotten in surprise over what seemed to be implied that he'd be doing now. It definitely startled Robin when she turned although that might just have been that she wasn't expecting him to be in the doorway.

For a moment she hovered, waiting for him to speak or trying to think of something to say, Steve wasn't sure, but he needed to make sure the Swiss roll came out at the right time. “If you're already making plans like that for me, you're probably ready to come down here and start explaining what all those pages were. I bet not looking at them would be another way I've failed to meet my parents expectations.”

“Pretty sure if they know what they are, there's no complaints from those assholes that you haven't looked at them.” Robin grinned when he glanced back, heading to the oven. “But sure, Eddie and I will bring the important ones down now. Quick question first, how do you feel about redecorating?”

Steve froze where he'd been opening the oven. “It's not allowed. Mother will throw a fit if I even suggest getting rid of the plaid in my room.”

“Good answer.” Robin agreed cryptically, as if he'd said let's get wallpaper tomorrow instead of refused. She disappeared upstairs before anything else could be said.

Refocusing to ensure the Swiss roll was actually rolled before the cake would crack instead of rolling, Steve absently wondered if that was the point. If he was changing the locks, changing the phone number, then his parents wouldn't be able to access him or the house without knocking so he would be able to change things.

Thankfully that was finished before Eddie appeared in the kitchen, spinning Steve around and into a seat with the loud declaration of “You have a choice of good news, great news, and fucking fantastic but never tell the kids news.”

"I'd say start with the best but dude, do what you want. It's not like third place in your list is a bad thing." He laughed, gesturing for Eddie to continue.

"Well then, third place for awesome things found in your reward paperwork, your dad is a moron who I bet didn't read the papers the government got him to sign. You could claim ownership of almost anything from him as reward for the shit you've gone through and he can't argue because of this little page!" Eddie brandished the piece of paper as if it was a shield. "He gives you shit for not reading documents just point out he probably didn't either."

Steve smirked, taking the page and pretending to read it now. "He'd just fall back on the 'I trust the government' line until realising I could actually do this. Only thing I'd want is like ownership of here and money for bills."

"Perfect time for me to bring up that you already have that then!" Eddie cheered, another document pulled from behind his back. "Deeds to the house, irretractable and permanent unless you decide to sell. If you want the pool heating back on that's your choice to make."

Steve's jaw drops and he sags backwards before startling forwards from not finding the back of the chair when he expected to. "This is mine? Fully mine, not just 'pay the bills yourself since you failed to get into college' mine?" He repeated, staring around the house as if unable to process the news.

"Yeeesssss." Robin drawled out. "Which leads to the best of it all, you can decorate it however you like and I'm already saying the kids are not being told and should be banished from your house until its done because you Know they'll try to take over and correct any choice you make to their tastes."

Steve blinked at he for a moment before nodding in slow motion, clearly still not processing what it meant. "I can have posters and photos up in my room?" He asked.

"Your room, down here, anywhere. Hell you could plaster the fridge with embarrassing photos or artwork by the kids if you wanted to." Eddie gestured widely around the room as he spoke as if just waving would produce the pictures.

Steve carried on his slow nodding. "Right. This is my house and I can make it a home if I want too. Does that mean you two could move in so it isn't completely empty always?" He looked vulnerable, curling into himself as he realised what he'd asked.

Both of them laughed slightly, "We'll have to see about that. Seems like a big adjustment for all of us when you need the support here." Robin tried to gently reject the offer.

Eddie thought for a moment, watching Steve's reaction and letting the reason why he was asking settle into his brain. "If you can convince Wayne he doesn't need to check I'm alive and not on the run again then maybe in a month or two. We can have plenty more sleepovers before then as we help you though." He offered instead.

"That sounds good. I'd - Can we have a sleep over tonight?" Steve requested, looking between them.

The agreement for that comes easily, all three of them moving back to the living room to put a film on and have some of the cake Steve made.

chapter 3

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

Name: Ivan Smith

Nicknames: Ivy (Aya), Van, Van-Man, Van with the Plan (all by Jac), Dog (Janet), Spot, Emo-Boy, Mama's-Boy (outsiders), Puppy (Estella)

Birthday: January 25th

Age: 18

Height: 5'6

Appearance: Ivan is a pale boy with vitiligo and lots of freckles with black hair usually short cut and groomed well with one half of his hair bleached white or red depending on the occasion for him, big round soft very light brown eyes, black finger nails, rings on his fingers, and thee piercings on his ears

Clothing: His wardrobe is usually always in fashion and somewhat "Gothic" if you well, red and blacks being the main color scheme with some white thrown in if he wants. But his primary outfit is black button up shirt with a red sweater vest and a old black leather jacket, a pair of black cuffed ripped jeans with fishnet leggings underneath, white socks and black doc-martens with a worn out black dog collar to match the the look

Personality: Very brash and tough acting, bluntly honest without a care if it hurts your feelings, and overall sarcastic and sassy though loyal beyond compare and nice once you get to know him, his act of toughness comes from his fear of abandonment. In other words he's Tao from Heartstopper

Schooling: 1st Year of college studying fashion and art

Likes: Jazz music, Hot Topic, Alternative music, fashion, pasta, spa trips, summer, Autumn trends, playing his instruments, Paramore, Panic! At he Disco, teas, art museums, walks in the forests, Elvis Presley, reading, thrift stores, old French films, World War movie documentaries, smoking weed, chocolate shakes, beef tacos, meatball subs, Mnt Dew, Lattes, Starbucks, Halloween

Dislikes: Being picked on by his vitiligo, being called emo-boy, getting lusted after cause he's Goth, someone lusting after his friends when it's clear they aren't comfortable, sexism, really bad fashion trends, horizontal strip patterns on shirts, really cold winter or fall, losing or breaking his vinyl records, cheaters, art thieves, copy-cats, cats, racism, when someone interrupts a movie night, being left our or not able to do something, really crazy theorize, being hit on the back that isn't a friendly or familial back pat/rub, werewolves

Abilities: Cooks, sewing, drawing, outfit/costume making, makeup (really good at eyeliner), fast runner, can lift heavy things

Story: Ivan was a small boy from a very poor family in Croatia and during one trip to England when he was 6 he was abandoned by his parents at a park in London where he was then found and taken in by police who sent him to an orphanage. The orphanage staff and kids weren't too nice ti him, often picking on him and the staff putting him on timeout whenever they think he did something bad even if it's proven he didn't, he dealt with some rude people not adopting him by his appearance and the fact he struggled with English and had a stutter.

Then, he met Estella Smith, a well known fashion designer and animal activist who was visiting her home town on tour and happened to see Ivan sitting alone. The next day she came back and adopted him saying he has inspired her with his rare and unique beauty. By then he was in that orphanage from 6 to 9 years of age.

She then took him back to her home in America and helped taught him English with her childhood best friends and later on Ivan's uncle figures' help, fed him, bathe him, and treated him well. Though he still suffered with the trauma of being abandoned and abused at such a young age he needed to see a psychiatrist from the age of 10 which Estella paid for and he was diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD which made him feel terrible and began to draw out his feelings. Estella found a piece of art and after getting permission to borrow it she made Ivan a special suit based and inspired by his art.

After that he began to learn the world of fashion and art with Estella's help and began to help work in her shop and even began to learn how to make clothes and costumes himself. During this time he met Jac and the two have never once separated from each other's sides though their guardians can feel the chaos oozing from their hangouts or when they lock eyes across the room. Currently he's in school studying to help Estella's fashion business more and work part-time at a cafe near campus

Name Meanings: Ivan - Slavic for "God is gracious" Smith - Old English for "to hit" or "to strike"

[icerats]

Warnings: Child abuse, PTSD flashbacks

Part 1, Part 2

100 G/T Prompts Masterlist

Borrowers, Trauma, & Pasta: Chapter 3

(93.Please)

Please. That was a word Olivia used to say a lot. Ever since her dad left, ever since Mom blamed her for it. Please, stop lying to me. Please, stop spending my money on your drugs. Please, stop drinking. Please, stop hurting me. Please, never let Will find out. But never in her life, was Olivia expecting to have to beg for another person's life.

She was 16 then, walking home after a long 3 to 10 shift after school. Not that she minded them, she'd do anything to avoid home. When she did come home, she heard her mother screaming. This rarely affected her anymore, her mother would always find something to be mad at if her daughter wasn't around. Didn't matter if it was the TV or the nice family next door.

What was strange however, is that she actually seemed to be talking to someone. This struck Olivia as odd, Mother never invited anyone over. But maybe she tried LSD this time, Olivia wasn't particularly inclined to find out. Getting broken glass out of your hair was never fun. But something just kept nagging her to investigate. A feeling of dread that settled deep in her gut. And that day, she was glad she listened to it. Or else four people would have died that day.

It was a good thing the redhead was a master of stealth, sneaking behind her mother just to investigate. To discover what caught the monster's attention this time. When Olivia did find out, she covered her mouth to stop the gasp of shock that tried to escape her lips. Four tiny people standing on her counter top. One, a young girl. Pale skin, blonde hair, light blue eyes. Another, a boy. Dark shaggy hair, pale skin, and brown eyes so dark she couldn't find the pupil. As for the other two people, that was a generous way of describing them. Two bright red stains on the countertop. With some black hair, bones and brain matter mixed in. But they weren't only decorating the countertop, but also Mother's hand. The same bloody hand that was coming back for round three. Olivia couldn't think anymore, could barely hear anymore. Distantly she thought she heard, maybe thousands of miles away her mother's screams of "Die you filthy vermin" before it sounded instead like someone struggling to breathe. Someone choking on blood. Someone with a knife sticking out the back of their neck. Someone who wasn't breathing anymore.

When Olivia's vision became clear again, she saw her mother's corspe was spilling blood on the ground.

Oh God oh God! What did I do what did I do! I didn't kill my own mother! She can't be dead!

These thoughts continued to pound away at her head over and over again. Olivia continued to stare at the bloody corspe of her own mother. She was still warm to the touch, but she was dead there was no denying it. There was no life behind those glassy brown eyes, the knife buried in her throat made sure of that. The blood pooling on the floor continued to dye her mother red. Everywhere from her strawberry blonde hair to her no longer white t-shirt, was bathed in blood.

But it wasn't her mother's bloody corspe that horrified Olivia most, but herself. Her own violent actions terrified her to the core. How horrible does a person have to be to murder their own mother? She couldn't handle it, so she cried. Not just from guilt, but also from the stress of getting herself into this mess in the first place.

If she wasn't a sobbing mess, she might have heard the pitter patter of tiny footsteps escaping into the outlet mere feet away from her. Or perhaps she might have heard the knocking on her own apartment door. She would have known that the nice neighbors across the hall grew worried by the screams and called the cops. But she didn't notice any of these things, she was too busy disassociating from everything.

She only noticed when the cops broke down the door, and dragged her out. All of her memories were a blur leading up to her in foster care, a kind lady telling her that it wasn't her fault. It was self defense. The neighbors had been contacting the police and building a case on child abuse for a while now. But Olivia couldn't hear this. All she heard was the constant ringing of 'it's your fault, it's all your fault' ringing in her ears.

It's all your fault

It's All Your Fault

IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT

I T ' S A L L Y O U R F A U L T

".....iss?...Are.....alright?"

"Miss? Miss? Are you alright?"

Distantly Olivia felt a voice calling for her. But it was a simple touch to her shoulder that dragged her out of that horrible memory. And when she opened her eyes again... she realized that she had a PTSD flashback in front of that same bitchy Starbucks barista... Great... just great.

I'm so pathetic that I got that bitch to actually feel bad for me.

"Yes! Yes I'm fine!" She snapped.

This bitch had the audacity to look at her with concern.

"Stop fucking looking at me like that? I'm fine!"

The barista shifted from foot to foot nervously, the complete opposite of the demeanor she held at the coffee shop. "Well you certainly don't look fine. You sure you don't want a ride home? I could drive you."

Olivia's eye twitched. "Why the fuck are you being nice now! You were being so condensing earlier! I can't handle dealing with two-faced bitches."

Olivia turned away at her crestfallen look. She had no right to look like that.

She twirled her dirty-blonde hair around her finger as she bit her lip. "Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. A lot of people say I have - what do you call it? - resting bitch face? Yeah that, and I'm not the best at social interaction..."

Looking at her, Olivia started to wonder if she read the situation wrong. But then again, maybe she was faking it. Stupid trust issues.

"Why did you purposely annoy me by spelling my name wrong? I specifically told you it was spelled with an 'O'." This time she asked not from anger, but from mild curiously.

"Well," the blonde said as she wrung her hands, "I kinda forgot? I'm not really that good at remembering things. It's only my second day working here and I already messed up so many orders... at this point I was more worried about not messing up your drink.. I'm sorry I really didn't mean to offend you and.."

Mild amusement crept over Olivia's face as she watched the barista ramble nervously. She snorted, "It's alright. I'm kind of a dick too you know, a lot more than you."

The blonde looked visibly relieved. "Oh! Thank goodness! I really didn't mean to be a jerk! This is why I don't have many friends. Are we friends? Can we be friends?"

Olivia let out a small huff of laughter, "A little desperate, are we?"

The barista went beet red. "I'm sorry! That was such a stupid ques-"

"Take my phone idiot."

"H-Huh?"

"You know, so you can put your number in."

The girl quickly scrambled to punch her number while tucking back a loose piece of wavy hair that kept falling in her face.

Olivia smiled as she looked at the contact name. "I expect that ride you offered, Alice."

~

It was only five minutes in when Olivia, sitting in Alice's car, realized that at some point she'd have to take her own car out of the parking lot. Whatever, she'll just have Will drive it back. She quickly sent a text to her best friend. Good, now it was his problem now.

"Hey Olivia?" Alice continued to drum her fingers across the steering wheel.

"What?"

"Umm what's your address again?"

Olivia sighed, "I'm starting to see why you're bad at your job. I literally told you a minute ago. I can't believe your memory is this bad!"

"No! It's not that ba- well I mean it is kinda bad but I'm pretty sure I know the address. I just wanted to confirm it!"

"And pray tell, why do you find it necessary to 'confirm' it?"

"Because it's the same apartment building I live at... apparently we're neighbors?"

"I'm sorry what?"

~

Ian collapsed on the ground, creating a cloud of dust as he fell. He did it! He actually did it. They were able to get out of there. Not as far as he would have liked, only the next apartment room over but it would have to do. He couldn't carry Elissa that far. At least not tonight. The smartest thing to do would be to get some food, and prepare to leave again.

He glanced at his sister's frail form. Perhaps the time to start looking for food was right now. It would be risky. He hated borrowing without scoping out possible dangers, this human could have a cat for all he knew, but he needed food as soon as possible. His sister was relying on him.

Ian wandered through the walls, squinting his eyes in the darkness as he looked for the perfect exit. Luckily for him borrower eyes were more like a cat than humans, allowing him to see just well enough to spot an outlet in the darkness.

Outlits can be tricky to get out of, but Ian was a professional. He had escaped through enough outlets in his lifetime for this to be a piece of cake. Taking a look at the outlet cover, Ian could see two screws in the wall holding it on place. One on top, the other one at the bottom. If he was outside the walls, this might be a difficult task. It's hard to get borrower-sized screwdrivers after all. But since he was inside, all he had to do was twist the screws the opposite direction.

Once he managed to get the bottom screw out, he lifted the outlet cover to the side as he walked out into the room. Dark purple walls surrounded him, and his eyes were immediately drawn to a shelf lined with empty monster cans. Ian grimaced, he hated the ones who were addicted to energy drinks. They always had the most unpredictable sleep schedule.

"It's fine," he mumbled to himself, but he was unsure of who he was trying to convince. "I'll just borrow when they're not at their house." Hopefully they weren't too much of a social reject, and left the house enough for Ian to safely borrow. But the monster can collection wasn't exactly reassuring him. He sighed. He had little time and a lot of food to get. Elissa was counting on him.

[seph-ic]

My favorite unofficial friend group is Rachel, Grover, Percy, Annabeth, Nico, and Will cause yes I am well aware that some of these have no basis in cannon whatsoever but I think the dynamic would be fun like:

They’re all first arc kids and I like to think there’s some odd unspoken bond from that

Tartarus club

Golden trio

Also people forget that Rachel and Grover spent a lot of time together during hoo so I’d imagine they’d be close

Nico and Percy as the token big three kids

Grover and Percy are best friends I will die on this hill

I like to think that Annabeth and Will had a similar relationship to Percy and Nico (minus the crush lol) and that they’re super close these days.

All of them fought in both big wars

Grover as the token straight friend

Rachel + Will dying all of their hair

Solangelo Percabeth double dates

Rachel and Grover stop each other from feeling like third wheels (which rarely happens)

They all hang out at Sally’s … like a lot. Cause she’s pretty much the closest any of them has to a mother figure (except will??)

Annabeth and Will nerding out about science (Physics v.s. Biology)

Nico and Rachel are liberal arts kids to death

They all have a lot of fun introducing Nico to modern day things. It’s so entertaining that they dedicate one day a month to all meeting up and showing Nico something new.

(Annabeth is black eat me) Rachel has curly hair as well so her and Annabeth swap hair care tips.

The girls actually become SUPER close and hang out all the time.

Everyone kind of takes up a big sibling role for Will and Nico. Percy and Annbeth especially and they often coach them through a lot of being-a-good-councilor-hurdles

Rachel teaches Nico how to paint. (I just remember him admiring her paintings in TON and I won’t let it go)

Will and Grover (and probably Percy) grow weed. Will uses it a lot as a medicinal herb, but he also smokes it with Grover and Percy from time to time. Also they all make weed brownies together one time and then watch Disney’s Hercules together and it’s a wreck.

TONS of karaoke, made all the better by the fact that none of them can sing. Rachel is definitely the best tho

Sparring/training together

Rachel and Will do tarot together

Grover Percy and Nico (sometimes Annabeth) play video games together alot.

They gossip a lot

They babysit Estelle

When they’re all a bit older sometimes they’ll just rock up to camp to help out and tell the kids stories

Just hanging out and drinking and being teens

Nico loves to braid the girls hair (like he used to with Bianca)

Nico will summon ancient artists, architects, and physicians, for Rachel, Annabeth, and Will to talk too

They all teach Will how to drive

Beach days

They might go camping or something

Annabeth helps Rachel work the analytics on her social media art accounts so she gets lots of followers

They all borrow each other’s clothes. This leads to a lot of interesting fashion choices

Rachel introduces Will and Percy to anime and they get SUPER into it

Annabeth and Grover build eco-friendly treehouses at camp for the nymphs and satyers

They talk about their trauma a lot. It’s much easier for them to talk about it to one another because they know they’ll understand

SLEEPOVERS. The do all the stereotypical stuff: face masks, truth or dare, movies.. ect

Percy and Nico have a lot of adventures in cooking, which they both like to do. They’ve make at least 8 different types of blue pasta

Will and Percy are honorary horse girls (wills from the country and Percy just likes horses) and they go for Pegasus/unicorn rides around camp

They all work really well in battle. Anytime there is a monster the six of them can usually take care of it in 15 minutes

Capture the flag

Secret handshakes

They will literally just show up at one another’s at 3 am to go get shakes

Percy Nico and Rachel have the same/ similar music tastes and they go to concerts together

They help each other for quests and stuff

A very active group chat

Idk I just want them to be friends and do friend things cause it’s nice and they deserve it.

[dancedance-resolution]

anyways while we’re on the subject of sg medical trauma. i feel like lena has an eating disorder. gonna talk ad nauseum about it under the cut.

developing an ed was kind of inevitable, i think, with the way the luthors policed her body growing up. her diet, exercise, supplements, etc, were regiments so strictly regulated by the luthors. and the results were relentlessly examined too - after all, if this bastard child has to bear the luthor name, then at the very least she has to wear it well.

in her adult life, as the luthorcorp ceo, it’s that same spotlight her adoptive parents put on her but...bigger. ruthless in new and different ways. social media gossips and tabloids openly speculate over her wait, print headlines about pounds she’s allegedly gained and crash diets she’s allegedly failed at. and the pregnancy rumors, always accompanied by a grainy pap photo with her protruding stomach circled in bold red ink, pop up weekly. her male coworkers laud her a bitch, a dyke, a fat pig, in various degrees of openness; even her female coworkers, trying to be supportive, tend to trigger her with ostensibly caring comments about a diet their sister successfully tried or a weight loss doctor their cousin raves about.

and so being in a relationship with kara is complicated for her, body image wise. because kara is quite literally inhumanly gorgeous, with a sculpted figure that every sapphic national city twitter-user thirsts over on the daily. and (in this little headcanon lena is fat btw bc truly that’s what we deserve) lena’s....not. not skinny, not muscular, not ‘mainstream attractive’.

but kara, somehow, loves her. all of her, kara claims, including her body. she presses kisses along her tummy before going down on her, traces loving fingers and lips over her stretchmarks, waxes poetic about how she wants to suffocate between lena’s thighs. reassures lena that no, her arm fat doesn’t look ugly in that dress, but if it would make her feel more comfortable, she can borrow kara’s supergirl cape to cover them up.

which is one thing.

but more than that, kara eats.

she gets belly bloat after downing an unholy amount of pasta. she devours carbs and sugars and fats without care. she scoffs at the idea that ‘food is fuel’, instead indulging in what she wants when she wants because it’s an opportunity to bond with family members over a meal, or because she trusts her body when it tells her it’s hungry, or just because it fucking tastes good. food isn’t evil, isn’t something that needs to be caged and regulated - it’s a source of pleasure, a vessel to facilitate interpersonal connection, a way to cultivate her old culture and heritage.....

she never criticizes lena’s eating habits, never so much as remarks when a package of oreos goes missing from the pantry only to be found empty beneath the bed later that day because lena still feels so much fucking shame about binging. she doesn’t comment on how weird it is that lena sometimes holds her plate in her lap, beneath the surface of the dining room table, because it makes it easier for her to eat when the food she’s consuming isn’t being perceived by anyone; she doesn’t condemn lena for wasting food when all she can manage is a few bites.

which is not to say that kara doesn’t try to help. she sends lena a poem one time, something about how you shouldn’t cut up your body into pieces for individual scrutiny because it is whole and it is good. she starts bringing lunch to lena’s office every weekday when lena admits that eating at work is particularly difficult for her, and she communicates with lena to develop a system where lena wordlessly indicates whether or not she wants kara to stay and chat with her during her lunch break based on how lena positions her desk calendar that afternoon. she uses nailpolish to paint intricate designs on lena’s nails when she notices that lena’s been picking at her skin more than usual, the art later serving as a reminder and source of strength for lena to help stop herself from caving in to the compulsion. she prepares snacks when she notices that lena hasn’t eaten in a while and wordlessly leaves them on the kitchen counter as a low-pressure way of encouraging lena to eat and helping reduce the amount of energy it takes lena to eat.

and when things get bad and kara notices that lena needs help help, she communicates with lena every step of the way, going out of her way to give lena agency and information.

so it’s complicated. recovery is weird, and anything but linear, and lena still has good days and bad days.

but she realizes that all of the days are markedly better now that she has kara by her side.

[glyphcxre]

I told you I was on my canon divergent nonsense again

INTRODUCING: Asra

BASICS

Full Name:  Luz Noceda

Alias:  ‘ Asra ’

Nicknames:  ^^^

Sex / Gender:  Nonbinary�� (They/Them preferred. Is ok with she/her)

Right or Left:    Leftie

Age:  17

Height:  5′7

Eye Color:  Previously, chesnut brown. One of their eyes is now permanently silver.

Hair Color:    Dark brown.

Distinguishing Marks:    Has many scars. Most notable of which are across the eyes. Posessed by the Trickster God Eshu in the past, they now bear scars to match the defining marks on his mask.

Paragraph Of Physical Traits:    Asra stands at 5′7, and is rather fit from what she was prior. They have been through a lot and have had to get a lot stronger physically as well as in magic. Their hair is often worn swept to the side, and has grown a little longer than canon Luz’s. She does keep it trimmed down though underneath and on the side. They have a permanently silver left eye, and bear the mark of the trickster across their face. They also have many scars on their arms and back from fights.

FAMILY / RELIGION

Parents / Guardians:  Camillia Noceda (Status, unknown).

Siblings:      N/A

Marital Status:    N/A

Significant Other(s):    Nyx. Her timeline’s Amity. While dating in title, they don’t see each other as much as they wish to.

Children:  N/A

Other Relatives:   N/A

Pets:    Serphent Palisman named Elio (Sun), had a familiar previously but it perished.

Friends:    Nyx, Willow, Gus, Eda, King Hunter (Deceased), Edric, Emira(deceased) . (Previously) Un-named Luz squad. They are looking for new friends and allies right now.

Enemies:  Belos (Deceased), Eshu Heyoka, Un-named Luz.

Ethnicity:   Afro-Latine, Dominican

Religion:    n/a. Has religious trauma, isn’t a fan.

Beliefs:  Whatever their morality leads them to believe.

Superstitions:    Probably a few, mostly to do with mimics, Eshu, etc. They’re kinda paranoid now.

Languages:  Spanish, English, French.

Diction / Accent:    They have a calm and reserved way of speaking, but when comfortable can be upbeat and bouncy.

SCHOOL / WORK / HOME

Education:  Hexside up to 12th grade---never graduated.

Degree(s):  N/A

Occupation:    “The Night Traveler”. They currently travel the multiverse, researching what they can, saving who they can, and trying to prevent the great dying, Eshu’s plan to unravel the multiverse.

Own or Rent:  They rent, hotel rooms, bed and breakfasts, apartments from time to time. Sometimes in a rut they have taught themselves to build shelters.

Living Space:  Wherever they can find.

Work Space:   If they’re lucky the place they stay will have a desk. 

Main Mode of Transport:    Staff, teleportation, walking. Sometimes they will borrow horses, or other transport animals.

PSYCHOLOGY

Fears:      Eshu, Losing more people, dark water, severely claustrophobic. 

Secrets:        They feel like a danger to be around, and feel disgusted that they’ve been branded with the mark of Hoyoka. They don’t like looking at themselves in mirrors because of it and will cover the scars with makeup.

IQ:    Very intelligent.

Eating Habits:  Ok. They eat what they can get. They learned not to be picky pretty quickly.

Food Preferences:      If they had a preference, they really like sweet and sour type food, mostly meats. and pastas.

Sleeping Habits:      Extremely poor and erratic. they have night terrors a lot, and sometimes wake up short of breath.

Music Preferences: Calming music. They don’t get to listen to music often. Other types of music they’re okay with too, but again--can’t listen much.

Leader or Follower:    Leader. 

Planner or Spontaneous:  They were spontaneous, and at their core nature maybe they are. But they’ve gotten into the habit of planning, unpredictability frightens them, thanks to Eshu.

Journal:  Yes.

Hobbies:    Writing, Poetry, Piano. They also really love animals and like to take care of them. Magic is a hobby for them too. they love it.

How Do They Relax:    Usually tea, and music. Sometimes they like to star gaze, until it makes them uncomfortable.

What Excites Them:    Learning new things, light magic, seeing plants thriving somewhere. Food, new experiences.

What Stresses Them:    The dark (ironically), loud wind, percussion sounds, unidentified shadows, Dead silence, the moon. 

Pet Peeves:    They don’t like being compared to other people, and they don’t like having their mistakes brought up. They harbor a lot of guilt from their past.

Prejudices:   They try not to have prejudice, even if they fear something. But they can’t help but feel uncomfortable around mimics. Even if they know its their nature to be the way they are. They hate Eshu with a burning passion. 

Attitudes:    When comfortable, they can be rather snarky and playful, if you dont’ know them are they are unsure about you they can come off as closed off and aloof.

Obsessions:    Finding Eshu and putting the universe back in balance. Not feeling alone.

Addictions:    They have a weird penchant for collecting sheet music..and sometimes they’ll keep it to learn it, or sometimes they’ll use it for crafts, pieces in poetry, letters, etc.

Ambitions:    To have a somewhat normal life, for their timeline to be put back together.

ASTROLOGY / PHISIOLOGY

Birth Date:  December 30th 2004

Sign:  Capricorn

Traits Associated with Western Sign:    Ambitious, hardworking, entusiastic.

Chinese Zodiac Sign:    monkey

Traits Associated with Chinese Sign:    Intelligent, lively, active

Handwriting: Very neat, they have really good penmanship.

Sexual History:  n/a

General Health:      All over the place. They probably get stress/anxiety illness more than anything.     

Mental Disabilities:      PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, RSD , ADHD the list goes on.

Allergies:    Lactose intolerant, but does not seem to care enough to stop.

OBJECTS KEPT IN

Purse / Bag:  Important documents they found, their phone, several money pouches with different currencies, pens, a few stress toys, a mp3 that still works, hair product.

Wallet:      Not a lot, some money when they need it.

Fridge:  n/a

Medicine Cabinet:    n/a

Glove Compartment:    n/a

Junk Drawer:      n/a

Backpack:  Clothes, their staff, wallet, Glyphs etc.

Desk:  n/a

Clothes Pockets: Sometimes gum or candy, or potions they need. Glyphs.

OTHER

Halloween Costumes: They dont’ really do halloween anymore. They like halloween though.

Talents: Good at Poetry, Calligraphy, and music. Way more versed in Lunar magic than most Luzes. Despite this they still love light magic, and miss being able to do that.

Politics:    Fuck belos. Fuck Eshu.

Flaws:      Aloof, Stubborn at times, stuck in their own head a lot, Nervous, Paranoid, Shy.

Strengths:  Loving, Loyal, very excitable when comfortable, fast learner, affectionate and outgoing when they feel confident enough to do so. Also despite their hesitance, when they are comfy around someone they have a good sense of humor, and will often initiate jokes.

Drugs / Alcohol:  n/a.

Passwords:  Only has one for their phone, its their anniversary with nyx.

Prized Possessions:  A good luck light charm their Amity gave them its supposed to ward off evil spirits and protect. 

Time and Place:    1:30 am in the timeline they are in, they are currently lurking amongst a certain chat with other luz’s. Wanting to be involved but not knowing what to say. They can’t sleep, the wind and rain are too loud, the trees are casting funky shadows. They are alone and uncomfortable.

Special Places:    The owl house will always be a special place for them, they miss being able to go there for comfort.

Special Memories:    Their first date with Nyx, it was ironically a dance for the lunar harvest, and they got to dress super fancy. Asra thinks fondly of how happy they were and how excited she was to be able to start a new life in the Isles. It was only a year and a half ago. wild.

Tagged by:  I stole.

Tagging:  o - o

[builder051]

Chasing ghosts 'verse prompt if it suits you - Tasha and the boys come into possession of a box of holiday foods via the well meaning caseworker tasked with keeping track of her. Chaos ensues.

Tasha brings the box home Wednesday night. She’d borrowed Steve’s car, without asking, but also without crashing it, and picked up her own mail and packages from the common dorm where she’s actually meant to be living.

She drops it on the kitchen table, where it makes a tremendous clomping noise.

Both James and Steve turn and come her way. “Did you do that on purpose…?” Steve asks.

“No…” Tasha says. “Um. Yeah?”

James rolls his eyes and starts peeling away the plastic wrap to see what the agency’s delivered his little sister this time. Hopefully not a seasonal stuffed animal. Of the conventional choices for Thanksgiving… James doesn’t want to think about it, or the discussions it might start.

“What is it, anyway?” Steve asks, now that the shapes of boxes and cans are visible within the cardboard base.

“Eh. Foodstuffs,” James says shortly.

“Forced family mealtime togetherness trauma…” Tasha adds.

The load contains all the main ingredients for mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, mac and cheese and more, as they can be whipped into being from shelf-stable packages. There’s even a voucher for a frozen turkey.

“Wow,” Steve says, making a face that seems both impressed and concerned. He looks to James for clarification. “This is, like, an annual thing?

“Yeah,” James sighs. “For kids who have outgrown the system but are still in, they give you a boost, but don’t do it for you. Thus…” He spreads his arms. “A family’s worth of cheap groceries for one person to supposedly prep and enjoy.”

“Wow,” Steve says again.

“It’s fucking stupid.” Tasha picks at the corner of the plastic bag of mini marshmallows. They’re not even name brand. “What’re we gonna do with it?” She looks at Steve, but he’s looking at James, so she looks to James as well.

James bites his lip. Steve’s from a family that wouldn’t eat food this shitty. They’d donate it or something, which, come to think of it, might be how it came to turn up on Tasha’s doorstep. Tasha doesn’t eat, at least not in front of anybody, so he hasn’t a clue what her preferences are these days. As for himself, the army did him a solid and also bit him in the ass when they gave him standard MREs for every meal from basic through discharge. He’ll put anything in his mouth. But fake cheese poorly mixed with gluey pasta will, without a doubt, make him puke before the mess gets to his stomach.

“Keep it in the pantry, I guess?” James says, feeling uncomfortable with his sudden position of authority. “I mean, we don’t have milk and butter and, like…” He squints at a note card taped to the can of pumpkin purée, “Cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, star anise, and… I don’t even know what that says.” He pushes the paper, the can, and the prepared pie crust at Steve, then takes up the stuffing mix, which is thankfully ‘just add water.’

Tasha squashes a mini marshmallow, then places it on her tongue like a tab of LSD. “So we’re just hoarding it, then?”

“Yeah, I guess.” James shrugs. “There aren’t any plans tomorrow, except for him,” he jerks his thumb at Steve, “ making those orange juice champagne things while we watch the parade.”

“And the dog show,” Steve adds.

“There’s a dog show?” Tasha looks dumbfounded.

“Apparently,” James confirms. “And if you get hungry, we’ll make, you know, something that doesn’t require groceries that we don’t have.”

“I’m not eating any of it,” Tasha declares as she places another marshmallow on her tongue.

“Well, seeing as you don’t have a tube or a drip, you’re not required to,” James says. Then he says “Yet,” at the same time as she says “Anymore.” Steve looks at them booth suspiciously.

“Ok, this subject is dead.” James clumsily throws the plastic wrap back over the box, then heads into the living room. “And I’m putting up rules.”

Tasha turns her head sideways, marshmallow foam forming a dab on her upper lip.

“No partying— or getting stoned— until Friday night at least. And no shopping.” James nods. “Do I need to put them on the wall?”

“No,” Steve says immediately, though he had been the reason the ‘put the seat down’ sign had appeared, of all places, on the window above the kitchen sink.

Tasha gives James a long, hard, look. “Fine.”

“Hang out with us,” James says with a smile. “You don’t have to dress up. But do wear clothes, though.”

“You’re sick.”

“I’m not the one eating pure sugar on an empty stomach,” James points out.

Tasha takes the bag of marshmallows on to her room, giving her brother the finger, then a side hug as she passes by.

“That’s…”. Steve shakes his head, still confused.

“Take her as she comes. Family, I guess. Our holiday shebang looks a little different than most?”

“I like it, though. Less stress, when you get down to it. And you didn’t outlaw getting drunk. You do realize that, don’t you?”

James nods. Then shakes his head. Shrugs. “Tash is too young to drink. Besides, I want us to just be people, for once. Not, like, in chaos.”

“Given our record, I don’t know how likely that is to happen,” Steve says warningly. But then he grins. “But I’m down to try.”

“Try. Fail. Whatever.” James hangs on Steve’s arm. “Love you.”

“Love you, too. And her. And us. It’s a good mix.”

“Good,” James agrees. “Good indeed.”

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Ok but what if Chris is with Jake at like,, a store or in public or something and they run into Joanne and Chris just,,,, doesn’t recognize her. At all. And then it kinda clicks —(that she’s a terrible person)— that something is wrong

CW: PTSD/flashback response, trauma recovery, negative stimming including head banging

Tagging: @burtlederp, @finder-of-rings, @endless-whump, @whumpfigure, @stxckfxck, @slaintetowhump, @astrobly, @newandfiguringitout, @doveotions

Icing-coated animal crackers. That iced coffee that comes in the big bottle with the red label - not the green one, it has to be the red one. It’s a good color of red and the iced coffee inside is sweet, just a little. They’re buy-one-get-one in the store and Jake throws six of them in the cart, why the fuck not. Those little cups of macaroni-and-cheese with the neon-colored orange sauce that comes out of a packet. Whole boxes of ramen packets, beef and something called ‘chili lime shrimp’. 

Milk, apple juice, coffee creamer (cinnamon sugar and egg nog, Jake never misses a chance for eggnog creamer when it shows up in November). Three whole frozen turkeys, they’re down to rock-bottom prices leading up to Thanksgiving and he can keep them frozen to use whenever they need a week’s worth of meat at once. Stuff for taco night, for pizza night, beer, bell peppers and cilantro, some anchovies for some kind of pasta thing Antoni insists on doing, sliced black olives... the list goes on and on and on.

Jake never minds. Grocery shopping is kind of... meditative, really. Chris bops alongside him, darting ahead to grab something he spotted and toss it in the cart, lingering back behind Jake to look at the label on a bottle of sparkling water, eyes carefully unfocused so he won’t try to read it, just enjoying the little painted image of grapes. 

The grocery store’s way out of the way for them, but Jake borrowed Nat’s truck today so he could take Chris to see a museum exhibit on the Spanish flu and its effect on lower-class and first-generation immigrant populations, a little bit of credit for one of his public health classes. Chris loved the museum the way that little kids love museums, all wide-eyed wonder and getting lost in exhibits until Jake had to all but drag him to the next one. 

They’d stayed in the museum for four hours - seen things, had lunch, gone back to see more - and Jake really, really needs to get the groceries before he comes home. Hence, kind of a hoity-toity grocery store outside their usual neighborhoods. The kind of place where they might actually raise an eyebrow at him if they knew why he bought three frozen turkeys, that it will save them next month when money’s at its tightest. 

Jake knows how to buy for poverty, and he doesn’t actually have to do that anymore, but the habit’s still there.

Chris has been such a constant blur of motion that Jake nearly runs into him with the almost-totally-full cart before he realizes that Chris is standing perfectly still staring over at the wine area.

It’s one of those stores, too - the wine is all shelved in custom-made stained wood to make it look like a small fancy wine store all its own, with a table where a man in a green apron is giving out samples of wine from a valley in Italy Jake doesn’t care about. There’s a woman sipping one of the samples and it’s her that Chris is staring at.

She has short dark brown hair cut into a stylish bob and she’s wearing a sweater that probably cost as much as one of Jake’s student loan payments, nice dark slacks. Looks like she’s come straight from work or something. There’s nothing special about her whatsoever, from Jake’s perspective.

“Chris?”

Chris jumps, spinning around, blinking at Jake. There’s a look around his eyes, like a panicking animal feeling a trap close around it, that makes Jake tense up immediately too. “Um, what?”

“... you okay, man? You look... spooked. Do you know her?”

Chris blinks and looks back at the woman. She chooses a bottle out of a little fake basket several are nestled into with cheese and fruit like it’s a fucking picnic at the fucking grocery store. As if she can feel the eyes on her, she looks up - and meets Chris’s gaze.

There’s a pause, where Jake could absolutely swear the woman knows who Chris is - and then she looks away with a blank expression like she hasn’t seen anything. It’s weirdly fake, though. Put on, like a trick. She turns and walks quickly in the other direction, shoulders slightly hunched. Jake stares after her as she sets the wine bottle down on a shelf and hurries right out the door.

“What the... fuck?”

“I think...” Chris winces, puts a hand up to his head, grinds his teeth against the headache Jake can see, the thunderclap of pain he gets as his reward for trying to locate a memory. “I th-think she, she, she... she she... worked... there...”

Jake’s knuckles go white on the shopping cart handle as he watches the dark-haired bob disappear out into the parking lot. The woman is nearly running. “The, um. The...”

“F-Facility.” Chris’s face is pale, unsettled. He hunches into himself and Jake feels the tension around him as Chris starts to fiddle with a bracelet he wears on his left wrist all the time now, pulling the nylon rope it’s made of, twisting the little metal bits in it, rubbing it in circles around his wrist. At the same time, he starts to rock, back and forth, just a little on his feet. “I think she-she worked there, I was... I was... tired...”

Jake looks slowly down at the cart full of food, closes his eyes. Shit. They’ve been in this store forever getting everything they’ll need for weeks. They’re not going to find such big turkeys at such a good price at the dinky stores closer to home. It’s all going to be such a mess and a waste and...

Chris’s face is pinched and pale, his eyes squinting through the pain that must be rocketing around inside his head. Jake takes a deep breath, lets it out. “She, she, she-she-she... I know-... I was really-... really tired, something... tired and, and, and... and... and and there were handlers and I kept asking-...”

Jake grabs the first person in a green apron with a nametag he sees and apologizes for the food waste, gives them back the cart, and takes Chris by an arm around his shoulders to help lead him out the door. Chris’s eyes are nearly screwed shut completely at the agony, fighting through it. He can’t see to walk and Jake has to hold him tightly, aware that they look more like some creepy dick and his teenage boyfriend than what they actually are. 

Makes him wonder what the lady who apparently works at WRU thought when she saw Chris with Jake.

By the time Jake gets him to the truck Chris is shaking all over, and Jake just stands with his back against the hot metal frame and pulls Chris to him, holding him while Chris rocks hard in his arms, twists fingers into his shirt, taps against him, makes strange low moaning sounds that seem nearly inhuman and also incredibly full of very human grief.

Jake gets him into the truck and waits, holding him, while he clings and cries and shakes and rocks and hits himself and rages against memories he isn’t allowed to have any longer.

Memories he cannot give words to. Thoughts he isn’t allowed to have. He can’t verbalize any of them, only sob. Jake doesn’t try to force him, just puts a hand behind his head to direct it into the crook of his neck, let Chris bury himself in darkness to protect against the way, in moments like this, he fears the light.

By the time Jake gets him calmed down, he can’t remember why he recognized the woman anymore. Can’t even describe her to Jake, only two hours after he’d seen her. He can’t remember anything about the grocery trip past the bread aisle, it’s been pushed under the surface where all the painful things go.

At some point, while they’re on the highway, Chris admits he can’t remember the grocery store at all now.

Jake gets Chris home and settled and goes out to get the groceries all over again from one of the local spots, and he can’t stop wondering if that woman shops at the fancy store regularly.

He can’t stop wondering if, having seen Chris there exactly once and with that look on her face when she did, she’ll avoid it from here on out just to ensure she never sees Chris again.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #388

“i wanna stay inside all day  /  i want the world to go away  /  i want blood, guts, and chocolate cake  /  i wanna be a real fake”

Name three people who you'll never forget: I doubt I'd forget Jason even if, God forbid, I had dementia. That's trauma for ya. I HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHLY doubt I could EVER forget my mom, either. In many different ways, she's literally kept me alive and has done so, so much for me. Then there's also Sara, whose friendship with me matches no one else I've been friends with. Have you ever been told you are fake? No. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy, my dog. Do you like pineapple? I do. When was the last time you wished the day would just get over with? I know this sounds seriously depressing, but that's... pretty much every day. My life is just currently such a drag that being awake bores me senseless. But it's funny, because then some nights I stay up late for like... no reason. My existence alone is confusing. Is there any specific number that has any significance to you? No. Do you remember much from high school? I remember a lot from high school. Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon? Isn't there a black sand beach in Iceland or something? Take me there, man. I'd also love to go to the Bahamas, but ew humidity and also I'm afraid of the Bermuda Triangle lmfao. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get? The big piece I want to get on my left upper arm; it's called "Denialism" by NukeRooster on deviantART. I got her permission forever ago to get it tattooed. Do you have any alarms set? What time and what for? Not currently. Have you ever had to work while there was a film crew at your work place? No. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No. What do you like in your omelet? Ham pieces and cheese. Have you ever boycotted something? Yes: Chick-fil-A. Homophobic, transphobic pieces of shit aren't getting my business. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you, and not returned it? Yes. Most notably a video game I LOOOOVED as a kid. I was mad salty and still am lmao. Do you vent a lot on social media? God no, not anymore after embarrassing the everliving FUCK out of myself with a suicide note. What was your first bill you started paying on your own? I don't pay any bills bc unemployed. .-. Do you watch ASMR videos? No. What is your favorite charitable cause to donate to or volunteer for? The Trevor Project. Have you ever received a misdiagnosis? Yes. A psychiatrist I had in middle school thought I had ADHD, which was ABSOLUTELY ludicrous. Most recently, my long-time bipolar 2 diagnosis has been questioned, but I do think I have it. I think. Does it bother you when others don’t share the same religious beliefs as you? No? Freedom of religion is a thing. What was your last argument about? Ummmm... I don't remember. Probably something with Mom. Have you found your first gray hairs yet? No. Somehow. You'd think all the stress would have me pure gray by now, lol. What are the names of all the pets you’ve had? Dude, I've had WAY too many for this. What’s the most you’ve ever spent on a cosmetic or skincare product? *shrug* Who was the last person that invited you to go somewhere? Did you accept? Mom invited me to come with her to Nicole's to get out of the house because at the time our A/C was still out. I didn't want to go, even though damn did I suffer, haha. What was the last food item that you toasted, other than bread? That's... a great question. I don't know if I toast anything other than bread. Have you ever named any of your pets after a cartoon character? I remember I had a cat named Taz when I was younger. What was the last thing that someone else recommended, or suggested you try? My TMS doctor is like SUPER friendly and makes the treatment go by so fast (it's exactly 22 minutes and 30 seconds; don't ask why), and recently she was fangirling to Mom and me about the show Once Upon a Time, haha. I saw very little of it with Jason, but Mom did check it out. When was the last time you wore a hat? What kind? I have zero idea. When was the last time you ate a bowl of ice-cream? What flavour? Oh wow, it's been a long time. It was probably vanilla with chocolate syrup? If you menstruate, has your cycle ever synced with anyone close to you? Yes. Tell me something positive about the town or city that you live in. ... You said "positive," right? Did your parents have high expectations for you to excel in school and go to college/university? Yes. They were pretty serious about going to college when my sisters and I were younger, but they opened up to the concept that maybe it wasn't for all of us (coughmecough). Are you a polite person? I genuinely think I am. I definitely try to be. Have you ever been in a relationship where everything with your partner felt natural and effortless? Sigh. Yeah. Have you ever been in a relationship where everything was difficult and rocky? No. That's not the kind I'd stay in very long at all. I mean yes, there are always bumps, but there comes a point where you gotta say fuck nah and find something better. When you were a teenager, did your parents set rules about dating? Other than keeping age gaps in mind, no. Have you ever committed a crime that directly harmed another person? No. Did you grow up in an urban, suburban, or rural area? My childhood home was suburban, but leaned towards rural. We were on the very edge of the town. Which disease do you personally think is the most horrible? After seeing my mother suffer from borderline stage 4 ovarian cancer, I've gotta say cancer. My mother is the strongest person I know and yet she cried so frequently from chemotherapy. It broke my fucking heart. The person I copied the survey from mentioned especially childhood cancers, and I have to agree. Like just... why. "Everything happens for a reason." Bull. Fucking. Shit. Just TRY and convince me why a young child has to deal with CANCER. Do you remember where you first drove to after getting your license? I still don't have my license, as I've said in many a survey before. What did you get into trouble for the most when you were a kid? Being on the computer too much. What is your biological sex? Female. Do you use online dating? Or do you use another method for finding dates? Nah. I'm at the point in my life where I wanna let love just find me and not actively search for it. What is the oldest gaming console you own? We MIGHT still have our old Atari? If not, it'd be a GameBoy Advance. Which accents can you emulate pretty well? Just British. Do you think you'll ever manage to do everything you want to? No. But then again, I think that sounds pretty realistic? I doubt most people check off everything on their bucket list. What do you fear most? Probably becoming truly homeless, living on the streets. Do you wear shoes around the house? No. Are you a good driver? If you can't drive yet, do you think you'll be good? I mean, I'm not the worst in the world. My mom's always pointed out though that I ride on the brakes (which I do out of fear) and I tend to speed up and slow down quite a bit. I also stop kinda abruptly sometimes. What is/was your favorite thing about school? Seeing friends. What are you most likely to spend money on? My own personal money, tattoos, lol. Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? @_@ Do you hate how, when the public like a celebrity, they overpublicize them? I feel bad for them, more than anything. You breathe wrong and suddenly it's news-worthy. It's like your every inconsequential action is under heavy surveillance and judgment, and it seems so unfair. Have you ever became attracted to someone you weren’t at first because their personality made you find them physically attractive? That was Jason for me. I never thought he was ugly, but regardless, he became THE most attractive man in the world to me. Have you ever worked in retail? Yes. -_- Are you even a little bit racist? Nah man, it's 2021, baby. Were you more fond of swings, monkey bars, or seesaws as a child? I was all about the swings. Do you believe in a near-future apocalyptic event? I don't know or care, honestly. A gamma ray or whatever they're called could incinerate us all tomorrow. A black hole could swallow the earth in an hour. We don't know. Do you have a chandelier in your home? No. Do you have a bar with stools? No. Is your Christmas tree faux or real? If faux, what color? We use a fake green one. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yes; it's the first part I eat. Which body type would you say you had? Did you know whales can survive on land? :^) Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah! I used to LOVE doing that with Dad as a kid when the field across our house wasn't in use (tobacco was grown there). What’s your preferred flavour of jam? I just like grape. What kind of animal did you last pet? My cat! Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: I massively admire Jeffree Star's work ethic. Do you prefer to shave or wax? Shave. I used to wax my eyebrows, but now I just don't care. Would you ever have sex in a public place? Uh, no. Do you think Jenna Marbles’ videos are funny? I've actually never watched her. Your favourite pasta dish: Just your normal spaghetti with meatballs. Strangest thing you’ve ever seen? Probably what I'm assuming was a star (but it was green???) flickering and then fizzling out of the sky kind of like some sort of backwards firework. I'd been watching it literally grow over a few nights, so when this happened, it was a big "?????? the fuck??????". It honestly scared me for some reason so I went inside after that. Aliens? I say aliens. Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? Yes. Has anybody ever called you a bastard? I don't think so. Who is the last person you ignored? uhhhhhhh Would you wear feathers in your hair? So actually, for my first prom, I wanted to wear a blue jay feather I had in my hair, reason being Jason's nickname from his parents was always "J Bird." It ended up not working out because we couldn't make it look natural with what we had. When was the last time you were well and truly scared? Hm. Favourite member of your favourite band: Ozzy, obviously, haha. Who’s your favourite female rapper? I don't have one.

[chokememrstark]

Make Me Bad (Part 5) - Winterironspider

Words: ~ 1,7k

Summary: Tony knew the nature of Spider's and Winter's relationship, but actually witnessing it second hand gets to him in various ways. When Spider suddenly starts making advances to him too, however, he's more terrified than excited at first.

Warnings: criminal!peter, criminal!bucky (winter), psychiatrist!tony,   manipulation, partners in crime, dark past, underage, murder, violence, winterspider, starker

Note: Sorry this one took so long! I hope you enjoy some more for this!

[read on AO3]

After finding out a bit more about both Spider and Winter, Tony kind of begins to understand why the two stick together the way they do and why Spider was willing to risk getting caught to make sure Winter wasn’t left behind when Tony freed him. He doesn’t fully understand it, probably because imagining a brainwashed assassin in his 30s and a 12 year old being on the run together seems to cause his brain to malfunction, but it’s clear that they are not just acting. Whether or not Winter brainwashed the kid after meeting him Tony can’t say, but it surely doesn’t look like it from what he can tell.

During the next day, Tony helps Spider tidy up the place, which collected quite a bit of dust after over a month of being abandoned, and they even free part of the wardrobe for Tony, who doesn’t really have any clothes at the moment and has to borrow ones from Winter, but he’s glad about the space he gets. They will get him some clothes to change soon, but it’s not urgent, as both Tony and Winter wear similar sizes and even though Winter’s clothes are a bit too big at times, they fit and are enough for the time being.

The second night, Spider doesn’t even seem to expect Tony to come to bed with them. He simply wishes him goodnight and climbs up the ladder, making the other actually believe he can sleep peacefully. As it turns out though, Spider is in a much better mood that night and it doesn’t take long before Tony hears very obvious and explicit noises coming from the bed. He gulps and pulls the blanket over his head, but there’s no way to muffle the noise completely.

Tony just lays there eventually, listening to Spider’s moans that are slightly muffled through a pillow or blanket, but still perfectly audible. It’s weird and it’s making him feel very awkward because he knows they are aware of the fact he can hear them, but obviously don’t seem to mind. What’s worse, though, is the fact that the sounds the boy makes are in no way appalling. In fact, Tony notices quickly that just listening to them makes him hard and he doesn’t like it at all.

When there is finally silence again, Tony sighs in relief and forces himself to think of car crashes and dead puppies to kill his erection before turning around and trying once more to sleep. This time, he succeeds, but those gorgeous and pretty moans Spider made follow him into his dreams and it’s as much torture as it’s a delight.

There is a certain tension in the air the following morning and it’s pretty clear both Spider and Winter know exactly that Tony heard them the night before, but neither of them addresses it. Tony offers taking care of the dishes after breakfast just to have something to do and when he finally comes back to the living room, he finds Spider laying across Winter’s lap, book in hands and the man’s fingers entangled in the boy’s hair.

Tony decides to take a shower to have some time for himself, which takes around half an hour, but when he comes back and sees the other two in the same position he frowns. There’s something rising in his chest that he quickly identifies as jealousy, even though he has no right to even feel this way. It’s very disturbing and Tony doesn’t like it.

“Is there anything to do?” he finally asks, simply because just sitting around was never something he enjoyed doing. Winter turns his head and looks at him, while Spider doesn’t even pulls his attention away from his book.

“We need some firewood,” Winter says and shrugs, eyes piercing through Tony as if to challenge him to go occupy himself with that. “Axe is in the shed.”

Knowing that he had the choice between chopping wood and watching Winter and Spider this close, Tony nods and decides to go with the wood. It will hopefully take his mind away from the other two for a bit.

It’s almost an hour later and Tony already piled up quite an impressive amount of wood - at least for his terms - when Spider suddenly walks over to him, seemingly happy and cheerful.

“You wanna take a break?” he asks with the sweetest voice and smiles at him. “I could need a hand cutting stuff for dinner.”

Tony nods and puts the axe back into the shed, washing his hands before joining Spider in the kitchen. Since he can’t spot Winter anywhere, he asks about him and Spider smirks.

“He wants to get a new laptop,” the boy tells him as he shoves over a chopping board, a knife and onions. “He doesn’t like silence, says it makes memories come back and such.”

“Yeah, I heard about that,” Tony says, but doesn’t go into detail. It’s a common thing present in people with PTSD and similar mental illnesses and traumas, so he’s not surprised.

“He’ll be back later, but I figured we still need to eat, right?” Spider smiles as he works on chopping pepper bells himself for what is going to turn out to be the side dish to rice and chicken. “You want some wine to go with it?”

Tony thinks about the offer for a moment before nodding. A glass of wine won’t hurt after all, right? Spider seems to be happy about the response and goes through the cupboard for rice while Tony finishes up the onions.

When the food is done, both of them decide to sit on the couch to eat, simply for comfort, and Tony quite enjoys how it turned out and how well the wine matches with the flavors.

“You’re pretty good with this,” he says, giving Spider a smile. “Did you learn that yourself or did Winter teach you?”

Spider swallows down his bite and chuckles into his hand. “He taught me some things, but most of what I know I learned from books and videos,” he admits cheekily. “It got boring eating only the same things after a while, you know?”

“I guess that gets pretty annoying, yeah,” Tony grins and takes another sip from his wine. “If you want to, I can show you how to do some pasta dishes my mom taught me. She loved cooking a lot.”

“Really?” Spider asks, his eyes sparkling at him. “That would be awesome! Can we make it a surprise though? I want to make sure Winter won’t suspect anything.”

Tony laughs and nods with a grin. “Nothing easier than that,” he says with a wink. “I can also show you how to make homemade ice cream. It’s really easy actually.”

“I love ice cream!” Spider laughs happily and puts down his plate before hugging Tony tight. “You’re awesome!”

Tony takes the compliment without questioning it as it’s really lifting his mood and once they are done they clean the dishes together, making the whole ordeal last no more than ten minutes. After that, though, there’s not much else to do.

“Come, I’ll show you the area!” Spider eventually suggests, grabbing one of Tony’s hands and pulling him up. Tony can’t really fight against the boy’s eager and follows him outside, which leads to a walk through the surrounding forest that lasts for over an hour. Spider seems so happy to show him everything, including the lake he loves swimming in whenever he can and the clearing where a family of rabbits lives. They don’t see them that day, but Tony doesn’t mind. It’s still nice and they have a good time before returning to the cabin.

In the evening, Winter does come back and actually has a new laptop that he asks Spider to set up - Tony figures he can’t do it himself and he’s not wrong with that. While Winter takes a shower, Spider and and Tony set the laptop up, Tony not even asking how they have such a strong internet connection out here before he makes sure Netflix will run smoothly on it.

They watch a movie together that evening before going to bed, some horror movie Tony doesn’t like much, but it’s better than complete silence, he figures. It’s a bit of a template for how things are going from then on, something Tony gets used to rather quickly. They will have dinner, then watch a movie or a few episodes of a show Peter wants to see and then go to bed. Nothing special, nothing dramatic.

That is until Tony notices a change in Spider’s behavior, something that only shows when they are alone at first, but quickly happens all the time and with Winter being there, it really starts making Tony extremely uncomfortable.

From the first day already, Tony knew better than to try and get between Spider and Winter. It’s never been a problem, not until Spider suddenly begins actively seeking his company in a much closer way than Tony is used to. The boy will lean against him whenever he can, brush his hands over his arms, hook his foot in with his legs under the table - all things that look innocent at first glance but that clearly aren’t.

Tony tries to stay rational and not give into those attempts, but the more he ignores what Spider does, the more determined the boy seems to become. It’s not uncomfortable at all when they are alone and Tony finds himself allowing the boy more and more freedoms during those times, but when Winter is there, things are completely different and Tony does his best to gently deny Spider’s advances in any way possible, which unfortunately only fuels the boy to try even harder.

There is only so much Tony can take and only so long he can ignore Spider’s attempts at getting to him. Eventually, he gives in partially, at least when they are alone, and Spider is so excited, he immediately crawls into Tony’s lap and starts kissing him.

Despite his fear of Winter’s rage, Tony simply can’t resist the boy forever. He knows he shouldn’t do this, but it feels too good not to and as long as they only do it when they are alone, things should be fine. Or at least he hopes so.

[icerats]

Shsjdhjshsis definitely might write a one-shot of this after I updated Borrowers, Trauma, & Pasta

Ok but hear me out...

A shape shifter that shifts into a borrower and willingly lets themselves be "discovered" to test if the human is a good person or not.

And like they have been doing it for years and somehow have NEVER run into a borrower or another shifter before. You could have a LOT of fun with this. The shifter is at a friends, their house, a testies house, (idc) shifts to do whatever business they have, they run into an actual borrower!

The borrower is like SUPER HAPPY bc you know , not much interaction there, but the shifter kind of freaks out! (Or sum again i havent really invested much into this story plot) OH! and like while the shifter is FREAKING OUT the human of the house comes close and the OG borrower has to like save them or get them to calm down!!!

And being the HOPELESS ROMANTIC I AM!!! THEY COULD FALL IN LOVE!!! And like the shifter has to ofc keep their shifter secret safe and stays small to stay BY THE ONE THEY LOVE!!!!! But oh no! The shifter can only stay small for so long until they need to shift back and like stretch their muscles.

[icerats]

Warnings: Just Ian's paranoia lol

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

100 G/T Prompts Master List

Borrowers, Trauma, & Pasta: Chapter 5

(20. Open)

Ian was out in the open. Blaze was hidden in a cupboard, and he was stranded on the countertop. Biting his lip, his eyes quickly scanned for potential places to hide. Blaze may have said they were sure the human wasn't coming back for a while, but he wasn't sure he trusted a word that came out of their mouth. It also didn't help that when he was last.. seen.. the human came home early. He didn't think his heart could handle another experience like that.However, Ian's present company wasn't helping his nerves. That disgusting termite was still staring at him.

Repressing a shutter, he averted his gaze. Instead he turned it to the nearby microwave, and moved closer, preparing to duck behind it if the human came back. Much to Ian's relief, 'Bestie' didn't seem particularly motivated to follow him, instead choosing to crawl closer to the cupboard Blaze resided in. Watching 'Bestie' crawling up the wall and in to the entrance of the cupboard, Ian noticed that the termite did seem to have a preference to follow Blaze around. Not that Ian was bothered by that, far from it. But he did find it strange.

Ian didn't know anything about termites, besides that they ate wood, were disgusting, and the fact that they were down right creepy. But based on his knowledge of other insects, they didn't act anything like that termite did. Ian didn't know what would be freaking him out more, a termite acting normally, aggressive and territorial, or a termite who wasn't that. A termite who acted the way 'Bestie' did, calm but entirely unpredictable. 

Suddenly Blaze appeared, foot still hanging down from the string, their face only centimeters away from his.

"Jesus, fuck!" Ian cursed, his voice audibly higher than normal. 

"Hiya! I got the food you requested!" They cried out cheerfully, holding an entire granola bar. "Sorry Bestie left by the way, I guess she is just attached."

"That's perfectly alright," Ian assured, finally managing to keep his voice steady, "Where is umm, Bestie now? Is it still in the cupboard?"

"Of course not silly!" They said cheerfully, that far too wide smile never leaving their face. "I've told you, she's attached. Literally and figuratively! She's chilling on my back right now!"

Ian took several steps back… coincidently of course. "Oh I see."

Blaze continued to lightly sway from the string, upside-down. "Oh! Are you sad? I can see if you can give her a back ride too if you want!"

Ian shook his head rapidly. "No! No! That's fine! You can keep it on you!" Desperately wanting to change the subject, he glanced at the granola bar Blaze was holding in their arms. "Hey, uh Blaze? Are you sure the human here won't notice you taking that much food?"

"Huh? Oh! The granola bar! Nah trust me! This human won't be suspicious of anything! She's so forgetfull that anything she notices missing, she just assumes she ate herself."

That sounded a little too easy. No way could a human actually be that stupid. Humans are dangerous, not just because of their size but also their intelligence. Something like that, simply isn't likely.

"Are you sure she isn't pretending?" Ian asked, "Secretly taking notes of what times you borrow and then planning to catch you when you're out in the open?"

Blaze bursted out into hysterical laughter. Dropping the granola bar, they used their now free hands to wipe away the tears of laughter that continued to fall from their face.

Ian glared. He didn't see what was so funny. They could be in serious danger here!

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" They paused, "Oh wait, you're serious."

"Of course I'm serious!" Ian snapped. "Humans are nothing to joke about! They're dangerous! I don't know how you've survived this long acting like they aren't!"

Blaze's eyes widened, before they broke into another fit of hysterical laughter. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" They cried, gasping for air. "It's just that your like so serious! All the time! About everything! And you're so paranoid too! I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but this human really is just a sleep deprived idiot addicted to energy drinks. Nothing more. I've been living here for 2 years and she has yet to unveil her master plan of catching me."

Ian's face flushed. "Stop laughing at me! As a borrower, you're supposed to rather be safe than sorry! There is no guarantee that the human won't come back early so we should go back to the walls, NOW!"

Blaze snorted. "I've told you, she isn't coming back early. If she hasn't in the past 2 years I've lived here, I doubt she will today!"

As if on cue, the doorknob rattled, and the faint jingling of keys could be heard behind the door. On instinct, Ian rushed forward. Pulling Blaze towards him, cringing as he felt the termite attached to their back. The hook unlodged itself from the cupboard, missing Ian's face by a centimeter when it fell. Ian cursed, but continued to drag Blaze to the small space behind the microwave, ignoring them when they almost tripped over the string still tied around their ankle. 

Ian gasped for breath as they both finally reached the microwave, ducking behind it just as he heard the door unlock. Ian shot a venomous glare at Blaze, who's signature smile was now no longer present on their face. 

"So.." Ian hissed, "Am I too paranoid for you now, Blaze?"

[viollettes]

“Carnations” (Part 3)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (College AU)

Summary: A carnation fundraiser, an iota of possibility, and a longtime secret crush on your hot best friend - what could go wrong?

many thanks to the phenomenal @buckyywiththegoodhair for beta-reading! you witty, pliable, sun goddess with beautiful curls - i adore you!

a/n: i loved reading all of your theories and comments! that said, i’m waaaaay too predictable ;) -j. x

“Carnations” (Masterlist)

Maybe your head is unable to function after the many hours of crying into your pillow or maybe your heart is burnt out from the tsunami of emotions. For some reason, all words and social etiquette have escaped you, and you’re left dumbly staring at the blonde standing in front of you.

“Hey, (Y/N). Uh, we’ve never met in person, but my name is Sharon Carter.”

Ah – this is blonde girl who asked if you were okay right before you sprinted out of the Student Gov office. Your manners snap back into place and you hold out a hand. “Sorry I’m a little out of right now. You’re on Student Gov, right?”

“Yes. I’m the VP of External Affairs. I work closely with Steve.”

Steve’s betrayal is still very raw, your lungs feel like they’re going to collapse at the sound of his name. “Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m not really in the mood to socialize,” you say, your voice low and strangled.

“Wait!” Sharon draws in a breath before letting it rush out. “Dot was lying about the carnations. Steve wasn’t playing a cruel joke, because he never sent the flowers to you.”

The last thing you need is another soul-draining bombshell, yet here’s this random, albeit very beautiful, stranger providing you with yet another one. At this point, there’s only one thing running through your mind, and if you don’t comply with it, you feel like you’re going to combust into confetti.

“I can leave if you want –”

Eyes closed, you interrupt, “Sharon? Are you super busy for the next hour?”

The blonde knits her eyebrows in confusion at the left-field question, but she shakes her head. “I’m finished with my assignments for the day,” she says.

“Great. Do you mind if we take this conversation elsewhere? I have something urgent to take care of. I promise it won’t take long.”

“One spaghetti aglio e oglio and one shrimp and scallop pesto linguini.”

You wave your fork in protest as the waiter places one of the plates in front of Sharon. “They’re both for me,” you reveal. Your stomach grumbles in agreement, and a genuine smile splits your lips for the first time in hours.

Crying into your pillow took precedence over dinner, but the hurricane of emotions that barreled your way didn’t curb your appetite. Also, there’s no way you’re going to listen to information that has the potential to carve out your heart without a hearty bowl of comforting pasta sitting in front of you.

Are you stress-eating? Yes.

Do you care? Abso-motherfucking-lutely not.

Much to Sharon’s credit, she didn’t question your sanity after you emerged from your room looking like a hot mess. She even let you borrow the baseball cap perched on her head after you mumbled a sigh about the bird’s nest that was your hair. She kindly offered to drive, saving both of you the fifteen minute walk. Sharon scored herself more major brownie points when she barely batted an eyelash after you ordered two large pasta dishes for yourself.

“And miss, would you like a refill on your tea? Are you sure you don’t want food for yourself?”

“I’m good on the food, but I’ll take a refill on the tea. Thank you so much.”

You wait until the waiter steps out of earshot to ask, “This is weird, right? A complete stranger just dragged you to a restaurant so you can watch her shovel food into her mouth.”

A small smile lines her lips. “It’s a little unexpected. And we may be strangers, but I’ve heard a lot about you from Steve.” The blonde hesitates as she notices the light in your eyes dim at the sound of Steve’s name. “Are you sure you want to hear this right now?”

“I might as well…” The slight distress on Sharon’s face makes your guard to go up, but you ignore it and ask, “So… Dot was lying about Steve? How do you know that?”

“I was in the annex when you came into the office, and Dot forgot that you can hear everything from the back room. I know she used my password to get you the information you wanted,” Sharon reveals. She grimaces like there’s a bitter taste in her mouth but continues, “The person who sent you the flowers wrote a question mark as their name, but I know it wasn’t Steve.”

Twirling your fork into your noodles, you ask, “What proof do you have?” Your tone is a little hostile, but you don’t care.

“I’ve been with Steve for the entirety of the carnation sale. He only bought three flowers – a red one and two pink ones. The pink ones were joke flowers. I remember because he was snickering about Sam and Bucky’s potential reactions the entire time. I’m pretty sure he wrote a dirty joke or something.”

The stoic face you’re maintaining crumbles a bit as you imagine what kind of dirty joke Steve chose to send Bucky and Sam. You shove a forkful of pasta into your mouth to muffle the laughter, but the giggle successfully fights through.

Sharon takes your giggle as encouragement to continue. “After you left the office, I checked the computer. The spreadsheet confirmed Steve didn’t send those flowers and that Dot was lying.”

“But why would Dot lie to a complete stranger? I’ve never done anything to her.”

“Because Dot’s a bitch.” Sharon holds out her hands when your head shoots up in shock. “I know that’s not nice to say, but it’s the truth.”

“I don’t understand.”

Sharon sighs but continues, “(Y/N), there are some people who take satisfaction in watching others break down. You’d think as college students, we’ve graduated from the girl-destroy-girl mentality that’s shoved into our faces, but unfortunately Dot has yet to do so.”

“But she genuinely looked surprised and sorry for me.”

“Anyone can look genuinely surprised and sorry. All it requires is some acting skills. Also, Dot’s had it out for Steve ever since he beat her in the election. My guess is Dot saw an opportunity to not only satisfy her need for drama but also wreck some havoc in Steve’s life.”

So not only did you get wrapped up in a stupid fantasy, but you also spent the last few hours cursing out an innocent person and vowing to ice him out of your life. A knife twists into your heart, but it’s not one of anger or betrayal. This blade is one that stings of sharp guilt.

“(Y/N), you and I both know that Steve isn’t the type of person who’d prey on someone’s emotions through a prank. His idea of a prank is hiding pictures of Nicolas Cage in your room and things.”

“Oh my God, he did that to you too?”

“It took about two months before I eradicated all the Nic Cage photos in the Student Gov office.”

“Lucky you. It took me an entire semester before realizing he was using our study sessions as a guise to come into my room and hide more photos.”

Stifled snickers quickly change into loud giggles that diffuse the tense atmosphere lingering around the booth. A few minutes pass before Sharon cautiously speaks up. “So, how are you’re feeling?”

You set down your fork and bury your face in your hands. “To be honest, I’m not sure. I feel horrible about blindly assuming the worst about Steve, but I also feel so stupid and small,” you reveal.

Trusting the newfound camaraderie between you and the blonde, you take the next twenty minutes explaining everything, and you don’t leave out any details. The way Sharon intently listens without casting judgment compels you to dive deeper. You tell her about the high school flower sales that stamped trauma into your heart. You even break your cardinal rule and reveal your crush on Bucky and the turbulent ride it took you on.

It’s not long before you’ve talked off the weight of your shoulders. The sensation coursing through you is similar to the soda exploding out of a furiously shaken can. It surprises you how easy it is in confide in Sharon, and you even express, “I can’t believe I just told you all that.”

“Bottling things up until they explode will do that to you,” the blonde assures. “But if you don’t mind me picking at your brain, how does Bucky now fit into all of this?”

You let out a heavy sigh and push around the now-cold pasta. “Today’s events are making me realize my crush on Bucky has spiraled deeper than I intended it to. I always assumed it was puppy-love, but…” A groan escapes you as you angrily stab a noodle. “I can’t believe I banked on a fantasy that lacks any credible foundation.”

Though Sharon’s proven to be one who doesn’t judge, you can’t help but feel nervous as she remains silent. An eternity passes before she says, “Why don’t you tell Bucky about your feelings?”

Thinking that she’s joking, you clutch your stomach and burst into laughter. “Good one, Sharon. Yes, I’m totally going to confess my feelings to him and –” Your heart stops when you notice her straight face. “Oh my God, you’re being serious right now. Sharon, you know I can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

“I can’t risk losing his friendship. Also, Bucky could have any girl he wants. Why would he be interested in me?”

“Because you’re beautiful.”

Pink floods your cheeks as soon as those words leave Sharon’s lips. “No,” you staunchly disagree.

Sharon rolls her eyes as if there was no point in arguing because she was right. “Judging from what you told me, Bucky doesn’t seem to be the type to dump a friend over something like this. If he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, it’ll sting, but you’ll move on. If he does reciprocate them, you have a budding romance on your hands and there’s nothing more beautiful than that. Plus, you have yourself to thank for it, and that makes it all more worth it.”

Could it be that simple?

You’ve always assumed that a confession would end horribly. Whenever you played out possible scenarios in your head, they always ended in either Bucky laughing in your face or you bursting into tears.

Bucky could react positively. Bucky could say that he doesn’t share your sentiments. There was no way to know for sure unless you said something. Maybe hiding your feelings wasn’t the wisest thing to do. Maybe you needed to muster up confidence in yourself, put your heart on the line, and take a chance.

But before you make the next step, there’s something you need to ask.

“Sharon, why are you doing this? You don’t know me, there’s no moral obligation for you to help me out like this.”

The blonde shrugs and says, “Steve is my friend. I couldn’t let Dot drag his name in the mud like this. Also we girls need to watch out for each other. After all,” her lips quirk up in an amused smile, “real queens fix each other’s crowns.”

Your eyebrows shoot upwards. “Wow, that’s… oddly deep. Did you think of that yourself?”

“Nah, I read that somewhere on Pinterest.”

Giggles escape you as Sharon smirks and takes a sip of her tea. There was something very humanizing about the idea of the blonde beauty browsing Pinterest.

Sharon takes your small yet growing smile as a good sign. “Now, back to this ‘thing’ with Bucky… I say you let him know about your feelings, but I, of course, can’t force you to do anything.” She gives you a knowing look before continuing, “What do you want to do?”

Part 4

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[andinewton]

Healing the Hurt - Avengers Redemption Series - Part Two - Chapter 40

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Amelia Richards (OFC), pretty much everyone from the MCU appears at some point!

Pairings: Bucky x Amelia (ofc)

Warnings:  Chronic pain, physical disability, implied smut, eventual smut, swearing, fertility issues, pregnancy, angst with a happy ending, Stark has a heart.

Word Count:  151372 (complete with additional epilogues added)

Summary: 
Everything is going well at Avengers Tower, Bucky is integrating into the team slowly but surely; he longs for his confidence back but knows it's going to be a long road, never more than when he meets the new secretary at his doctor's office.

Amelia Richards is a career SHIELD agent, recruited straight out of college into the "company" but now she finds herself passed around from department to department, her latest position as a secretary at Avengers Tower proving monotonous compared to her former life, but when James "Bucky" Barnes walks into her office one Friday evening everything changes…

Join Bucky as he rediscovers parts of himself he had thought long lost with someone who considered herself broken for a long time, helping one another heal in more ways than one…

Master List

Chapter 40

Summary:  Tony doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut.

‘You’re hiding all the good shit.’ Tony stated as he sat down at the table, loudly placing a glass of whiskey in front of his plate. ‘Excuse me?’ Amelia looked up at him opposite her with her fork halfway to her mouth. ‘You locked me out of those computers and pulled your disappearing act.’ He complained as he reached for the dish between them. ‘I wanted to look at them alone first. They are kind of mine.’ She pointed out. Her tears had completely dried up, Sam, Steve and Nat only helping her mood brighten on the foundations Bucky had already placed, but Stark picking at her wasn’t helping any. ‘And you called Banner without asking me.’

‘Asking you to call Banner?’ She put the fork down as Nat did the same, ready to step in if this got out of hand. ‘No, without asking me about the information! If you needed help you could have come to me first!’ ‘I don’t need help.’ She laughed. ‘And Bruce is a biochemist, it’s his field. I just thought he’d be the better one to go over the data with.’ ‘I could do that.’ Tony threw a piece of garlic bread on his plate. ‘How did you bypass the retinal scans?’ ‘With a retinal scan.’ She pointed out as she resumed eating, and Nat followed her lead. ‘Whose?’ ‘Mine. It’s my data.’ Tony narrowed his eyes at her as he loaded his fork with pasta then waved it at her. ‘You going to share?’ ‘Sure, never said I wouldn’t.’ She shrugged. ‘I just think Bruce will make more sense of the breakdowns.’ ‘He’ll be here in the morning.’ Tony told her. ‘But in the meantime we could go over some of it together.’ ‘No.’ Sam stated. ‘She is under doctors orders to get a room and get some rest. Mental and physical trauma don’t just heal themselves without help.’ ‘What he said.’ She nodded towards Sam on Tony’s right. She had promised Sam that after they were done here she would go to her appointed room and rest, do anything but dwell on the last few days and exactly what was in those files. ‘So, after dinner we are watching a movie then bed.’ Steve gave her a pointed look. ‘Gee, how many super soldiers do you have trying to get you in the sack?’ Tony quirked her a sideways smile and Nat put her fork down again, clipping Tony lightly behind the ear. ‘Ow, what was that for?’ ‘For making lewd remarks about my little Milly.’ Nat replied as she resumed eating again. ‘We’re calling you Milly now?’ ‘No, I’m calling her Milly.’ Nat said before Amelia could reply and Bucky nudged her arm on her right, giving her a warm smile when she turned to him and he was glad when she returned it. She had been quiet since she watched the video her parents had left her and he didn’t blame her, it had held enough information about himself to make him think too hard, let alone what she had heard. ‘Fine, not Milly, you want to share with the class what was in the files you have looked at or did you already tell everyone and you’re deliberately keeping me in the dark?’ ‘Not deliberately, and I didn’t tell anyone anything yet.’ ‘No?’ He narrowed his eyes at her. ‘No, I was waiting for you to get here.’ Tony sort of puffed his chest out that she had waited for him and gained a little smug smile, Nat shaking her head as she was sure she could hear his ego inflate further. ‘That’s good of you, Acid Burn. Ready now?’ ‘I guess we’re all here, right?’ She glanced around the table and Steve nodded. ‘In your own time, Amelia, no pressure.’ He told her and she gave him a small smile. ‘Thanks, Steve. A lot of it was progress reports as they worked on the serum.’ ‘What serum?’ Steve asked. ‘Shit. Forgot you didn’t know that bit.’ She glanced at Bucky before turning back. ‘My folks were working on breaking down the super soldier serum into components.’ ‘The actual serum?’ Steve checked and she nodded. ‘I thought it was all destroyed.’ ‘Easy thing to break down, with a sample of the Six Million Dollar Man’s blood to hand.’ Tony pointed to Bucky briefly. ‘Just isolating it and separating it would have taken time. And a hell of a lot of expertise.’ ‘They thought they had isolated the healing factor. That was what was in the vial in the lab.’ ‘Shame it got lost. That could have been invaluable.’ Tony added. ‘With their research it might still be possible, if it’s complete.’ Amelia added. ‘Everything is really well documented I just don’t understand it. I’m no biologist.’ ‘No, you’re just a tech goddess.’ Tony toasted her with his whiskey. ‘Banner and I will help you break it down, work out what’s what.’ ‘Thanks, Tony.’ She smiled at him, but it was tired. ‘Don’t worry about it. Plus we have two super soldier’s to tap for samples.’ He smirked. ‘They aren’t kegs.’ Nat said. ‘Still convenient.’ Tony replied. ‘What else was in the research?’ Sam asked. ‘They knew HYDRA were coming for them, or suspected it.' She paused, steeling herself to give the next piece of information. 'And they wanted me to contact Nick and tell him Bucky was still alive and under HYDRA control.’ Silence fell over the table as the implications of that sank in and it was Steve who broke it. ‘When was this?’ ‘Two-thousand and six.’ Amelia replied, knowing exactly what was going through Steve’s mind. ‘The last of their research is dated two days before they died.’ ‘Don’t dwell on it, punk. We can’t change it.’ Bucky said firmly. ‘So, did he kill your folks too?’ Amelia choked on the salad she had just swallowed as Nat spun on Tony, snapping his name loudly as Steve started a rant about how he shouldn’t have brought that up, Bucky patting Amelia on the back and trying to ignore the chaos going on around the table as Tony argued how he was only stating a fact, and didn’t mean anything by it. ‘You okay, doll?’ Bucky checked with her as she pulled her napkin off her lap and covered her mouth as she was finally able to swallow the offending leaf. She managed a nod and he passed her her water. ‘I’m good.’ She replied before looking up at Tony. ‘And no, he didn’t.’ ‘Alright.’ Tony went back to eating as though nothing had happened. ‘You know what, I need to get some sleep.’ Amelia said, putting her napkin on the table. ‘I’ll get a rain check on that movie, Steve, if that’s okay?’ ‘Of course.’ He smiled sympathetically at her. ‘I’ll walk you to your room.’ Bucky offered, sliding his chair out but she rested her hand on his arm. ‘Stay and finish your food. My room isn’t far and I’ll probably just have a shower and collapse into bed. It’s okay.’ He studied her face and she raised her eyebrows, just slightly, almost in a pleading gesture, and he gave. ‘Okay, sweetheart, but my phone is on, you call me if you need me.’ ‘If I had a phone I would.’ She smiled, not having a clue what had happened to her phone after the restaurant. ‘You lost your phone?’ Tony asked. ‘He’ll get you a new one.’ Nat replied. ‘In the meantime, Milly, borrow mine.’ She passed her the handset over the table. ‘Thank you.’ She got to her feet, going to her crutch against the wall. ‘Well, goodnight.’ She said and left the room. ‘Nice going.’ Sam said once she was out of sight. ‘What? I apologised.’ Tony argued. ‘No, you didn’t.’ Nat replied. ‘And you can start by making one to him.’ She pointed to Bucky across the table from her. Tony sighed. ‘It was uncalled for. I apologise.’ ‘Accepted.’ Bucky replied. ‘But you owe her an even better one.’ ‘You got it.’ Tony said, going back to his food. He hadn’t meant to upset her, it just slipped out, and he would make sure she knew he was sorry.

Chapter 41

[quintinefowler-blog]

Nutrition and Supplements for Anxiety

We all have fears and worries but when they begin to dominate our life and our behavior, and become the focal point in which everything revolves, that's anxiety.

Many factors can contribute; trauma, chemical sensitivity, caffeine, heredity, drugs, alcohol, lifestyle choices.

If you cannot change the situation that is the focus of anxiety, try to determine a way of trying to change your way of handling the problem.

Relaxation of the mind and body and stress reduction are key.

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is often vague and undirected, a sinking feeling that something terrible is about to happen. Unlike concrete fears (of illness or losing a job, for example), anxiety often stems from what used to be called borrowed trouble.

Anxious people imagine worst-case scenarios and spend lots of time dreading things that may never happen. For persistent anxiety, seek professional counseling. But natural remedies can help tremendously.

Anxiety disorders are possibly the most common and frequently occurring disorders of the mind/body. They include a group of conditions that share extreme anxiety as the principal disturbance of mood or emotional tone.

Anxiety, which may be understood as the pathological counterpart of normal fear, is manifest by disturbances of mood, as well as of thinking, behavior and physiological activity.

Included in this category are panic disorder (with or without a history of agoraphobia) , agoraphobia (with or without a history of panic disorder), generalized anxiety disorder, specific phobia, social phobia, obsessive-compulsiv e disorders, acute stress disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder .

Anxiety disorders are ubiquitous across human cultures. The longitudinal course of these disorders is characterized by relatively early ages of onset, chronicity, relapsing or recurrent illness and periods of disability.

Panic disorder and agoraphobia are particularly associated with suicidal tendencies.

Nutritional Considerations

Add protein and carbohydrates to your diet: Incorporate protein into your diet. Protein helps to keep sugar levels stable. You can find protein in nuts, yogurt, beans, fish, chicken, tofu and lentils. Consider eating low glycemic carbohydrates such as brown rice and yams.

Seek out foods that are high in Omega-3 (fish oil/flaxseed oil): This oil has been shown in many studies, to reduce LDL (bad) cholesterol levels and reduce plaque buildup in your blood.

By reducing your bad cholesterol, you are helping your body to fight off stress and relieve anxiety, tension and even prevent heart disease! Fish/Flaxseed that are high in Omega-3 are excellent ways to help your blood stream. They are two of the greatest hormone regulators, as well.

Folic Acid: Folic Acid (required for energy production) is considered brain food. The brain needs it to work properly. It helps to prevent anxiety and fatigue. Folic acid works best when combined with vitamin C, vitamin B6 and vitamin B12. Much research has indicated that a deficiency of folic acid may include depression, insomnia, anorexia, forgetfulness, hyperirritability, apathy, fatigue and anxiety.

You can find Folic Acid in the following foods: Whole grain breads -Fortified cereals -Dried peas- Dried beans -Leafy vegetables- Fruit. Most multivitamin complexes contain folic acid.

GABA: GABA (Gamma Aminobutyric Acid) is an amino acid help reduce anxiety, allows rational decision making, promotes restful sleep and enhances workout recovery. It has also been shown to have similar effects as the benzodiazepine drugs.

You will also feel more relaxed and notice that you are sleeping better. The recommended dose for GABA is 700-750 mg – 3 times daily – talk to a medical professional about using GABA.

Inosistol: has been shown in studies to have a positive effect in the calming of the symptoms of panic attacks and obsessive-compulsiv e disorder. Taking up to 4 grams daily – 3 times-a-day has shown to be beneficial.

Magnesium: The supplement magnesium has been found to aid in the management of anxiety symptoms. Taking 200-300 mg of magnesium 2 to 3 times daily has been shown to help.

Selenium: Selenium, an important antioxidant, is a trace mineral found in soil and food. It protects neurotransmitters. Deficiency in selenium has shown to have a negative impact on mood. It also helps to reduce bad cholesterol and keep the heart healthy.

You can get much of your selenium from dietary sources such as: Alfalfa, fennel seed, ginseng, butter, garlic, liver, Brazil nuts, shellfish and other fishes. You can find it in sunflower seeds, yarrow, wheat germ and Brewer's yeast.

Vitamin B1: Vitamin B1 is also known as “thiamine.” In many studies, B1 has shown to have positive effects on the nervous system and mental well being. Vitamin B1 is found in peas, soybeans, fortified breads, cereals, pasta, fish, pork, whole grains and dried beans.

Prolonged intake of large amounts of alcohol depletes your body's supply of vitamin B1. Vitamin B3: (in the form niacinamide) has been tested in lab animals and seems to work in animals in the way that benzodiazepines such as Valium® have. *

Vitamin B6: Lack of Vitamin B6 has been known to cause anxiety and depression. The formation of certain brain chemicals from amino acids requires this vitamin. It affects the nervous system.

The recommended Dietary Allowances for adults (25+ years) is 2.0 for men and 1.6 for women. The best sources of vitamin B6 are meats (particularly organ meats such as liver), whole grains and wheat germ.

Vitamin B12: Vitamin B12 is needed for energy, brain function and a healthy nervous system. It helps to combat depression, stabilize PMS and helps to protect against anemia and it may help fight cancer. The best food sources of Vitamin B12 are liver, kidney, oily fish, beef, pork lamb, cheese, eggs and milk.

Zinc: and essential mineral, has been found to have positive effects on the nervous system as well as helping to produce a calming effect. Most multivitamins contain zinc. Food sources for zinc are Oysters, meat, poultry, nuts, beans and dairy products.

What You Should Avoid:

What you don't eat may be even more important than what you do eat. Avoid alcohol, caffeine and sugar, because they tend to worsen anxiety. If you can't avoid them, then at least cut down.

Avoid Caffeine: Caffeine is something many people in America and Europe are used to bringing in their daily lives. Though many studies have shown that this addictive stimulant can help produce symptoms of anxiety, insomnia and the like. Caffeine is found in coffee, tea, chocolate, many sodas and even certain medications.

Always ask your doctor about a medication before using it. Also, ask the doctor if there is an alternative medication if your medicine contains caffeine.

Reduce Processed and Refined Foods: Processed food can rob your food of nutrients and vitamins that your body needs to fight off stress and promote good health. Try to buy whole foods, unprocessed foods and try and stay away from “instant” foods, preservatives, artificial flavors, saturated fat and MSG.

Reduce Sugar Intake:  Too much sugar can rob our body of essential nutrients. Yet don't be so fast as to replace the sugar with Stevia the natural sweetener from the Stevia plant. Artificial sweetener can also cause anxiety as well as other health concerns.

Reduce Alcohol Intake: In small amounts, alcohol can be good for your heart but too much alcohol is not a good thing for your body and too large of an intake increases your body's need for extra vitamins.

The body has a harder time using oxygen. As a result, you can become more sensitive to stress – which in turn can cause anxiety reactions. It can also cause depression.

The Effects of Alcohol on Anxiety:  How does alcohol contribute to Anxiety Disorders? Research has shown that alcohol ín high doses has numerous health hazards.

As well as many other things, ít can: increase your need for extra vitamins due to disturbed eating patterns interfere with the body's ability to use oxygen, to process food & absorb vitamins.

This results in high alcohol consumption making you more sensitive to stress.

Chronic abuse of alcohol ís often associated with depression-like symptoms, which can reduce the ability to solve problems, which ín turn can lead to anxiety.

Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to poor work performance, relationship difficulties & financial difficulties. This can produce stressors that worsen anxiety.

Help Anxiety and Depression Naturally!

MindSoothe is a specially formulated herbal remedy that has been successfully used in the treatment of Depression, Insomnia, OCD, SAD, Panic Disorder, and Anxiety.

Being natural, with no artificial preservatives, MindSoothe is safe for adults and children (also see MindSoothe Jr. for children), is non-addictive and has NO SIDE EFFECTS.

It has become the formula of choice by thousands of satisfied customers around the world for treating depression, insomnia, anxiety, ODD and more.

MindSoothe is pharmaceutically manufactured to the highest standards and was formulated by our team of experts in natural medicine.

Learn more about MindSoothe now. Why do we promote this?

Save

[lotsofdogs]

Nutrition and Supplements for Anxiety

We all have fears and worries but when they begin to dominate our life and our behavior, and become the focal point in which everything revolves, that’s anxiety.

Many factors can contribute; trauma, chemical sensitivity, caffeine, heredity, drugs, alcohol, lifestyle choices.

If you cannot change the situation that is the focus of anxiety, try to determine a way of trying to change your way of handling the problem.

Relaxation of the mind and body and stress reduction are key.

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is often vague and undirected, a sinking feeling that something terrible is about to happen. Unlike concrete fears (of illness or losing a job, for example), anxiety often stems from what used to be called borrowed trouble.

Anxious people imagine worst-case scenarios and spend lots of time dreading things that may never happen. For persistent anxiety, seek professional counseling. But natural remedies can help tremendously.

Anxiety disorders are possibly the most common and frequently occurring disorders of the mind/body. They include a group of conditions that share extreme anxiety as the principal disturbance of mood or emotional tone.

Anxiety, which may be understood as the pathological counterpart of normal fear, is manifest by disturbances of mood, as well as of thinking, behavior and physiological activity.

Included in this category are panic disorder (with or without a history of agoraphobia) , agoraphobia (with or without a history of panic disorder), generalized anxiety disorder, specific phobia, social phobia, obsessive-compulsiv e disorders, acute stress disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder .

Anxiety disorders are ubiquitous across human cultures. The longitudinal course of these disorders is characterized by relatively early ages of onset, chronicity, relapsing or recurrent illness and periods of disability.

Panic disorder and agoraphobia are particularly associated with suicidal tendencies.

Nutritional Considerations

Add protein and carbohydrates to your diet: Incorporate protein into your diet. Protein helps to keep sugar levels stable. You can find protein in nuts, yogurt, beans, fish, chicken, tofu and lentils. Consider eating low glycemic carbohydrates such as brown rice and yams.

Seek out foods that are high in Omega-3 (fish oil/flaxseed oil): This oil has been shown in many studies, to reduce LDL (bad) cholesterol levels and reduce plaque buildup in your blood.

By reducing your bad cholesterol, you are helping your body to fight off stress and relieve anxiety, tension and even prevent heart disease! Fish/Flaxseed that are high in Omega-3 are excellent ways to help your blood stream. They are two of the greatest hormone regulators, as well.

Folic Acid: Folic Acid (required for energy production) is considered brain food. The brain needs it to work properly. It helps to prevent anxiety and fatigue. Folic acid works best when combined with vitamin C, vitamin B6 and vitamin B12. Much research has indicated that a deficiency of folic acid may include depression, insomnia, anorexia, forgetfulness, hyperirritability, apathy, fatigue and anxiety.

You can find Folic Acid in the following foods: Whole grain breads -Fortified cereals -Dried peas- Dried beans -Leafy vegetables- Fruit. Most multivitamin complexes contain folic acid.

GABA: GABA (Gamma Aminobutyric Acid) is an amino acid help reduce anxiety, allows rational decision making, promotes restful sleep and enhances workout recovery. It has also been shown to have similar effects as the benzodiazepine drugs.

You will also feel more relaxed and notice that you are sleeping better. The recommended dose for GABA is 700-750 mg – 3 times daily – talk to a medical professional about using GABA.

Inosistol: has been shown in studies to have a positive effect in the calming of the symptoms of panic attacks and obsessive-compulsiv e disorder. Taking up to 4 grams daily – 3 times-a-day has shown to be beneficial.

Magnesium: The supplement magnesium has been found to aid in the management of anxiety symptoms. Taking 200-300 mg of magnesium 2 to 3 times daily has been shown to help.

Selenium: Selenium, an important antioxidant, is a trace mineral found in soil and food. It protects neurotransmitters. Deficiency in selenium has shown to have a negative impact on mood. It also helps to reduce bad cholesterol and keep the heart healthy.

You can get much of your selenium from dietary sources such as: Alfalfa, fennel seed, ginseng, butter, garlic, liver, Brazil nuts, shellfish and other fishes. You can find it in sunflower seeds, yarrow, wheat germ and Brewer’s yeast.

Vitamin B1: Vitamin B1 is also known as “thiamine.” In many studies, B1 has shown to have positive effects on the nervous system and mental well being. Vitamin B1 is found in peas, soybeans, fortified breads, cereals, pasta, fish, pork, whole grains and dried beans.

Prolonged intake of large amounts of alcohol depletes your body’s supply of vitamin B1. Vitamin B3: (in the form niacinamide) has been tested in lab animals and seems to work in animals in the way that benzodiazepines such as Valium® have. *

Vitamin B6: Lack of Vitamin B6 has been known to cause anxiety and depression. The formation of certain brain chemicals from amino acids requires this vitamin. It affects the nervous system.

The recommended Dietary Allowances for adults (25+ years) is 2.0 for men and 1.6 for women. The best sources of vitamin B6 are meats (particularly organ meats such as liver), whole grains and wheat germ.

Vitamin B12: Vitamin B12 is needed for energy, brain function and a healthy nervous system. It helps to combat depression, stabilize PMS and helps to protect against anemia and it may help fight cancer. The best food sources of Vitamin B12 are liver, kidney, oily fish, beef, pork lamb, cheese, eggs and milk.

Zinc: and essential mineral, has been found to have positive effects on the nervous system as well as helping to produce a calming effect. Most multivitamins contain zinc. Food sources for zinc are Oysters, meat, poultry, nuts, beans and dairy products.

What You Should Avoid:

What you don’t eat may be even more important than what you do eat. Avoid alcohol, caffeine and sugar, because they tend to worsen anxiety. If you can’t avoid them, then at least cut down.

Avoid Caffeine: Caffeine is something many people in America and Europe are used to bringing in their daily lives. Though many studies have shown that this addictive stimulant can help produce symptoms of anxiety, insomnia and the like. Caffeine is found in coffee, tea, chocolate, many sodas and even certain medications.

Always ask your doctor about a medication before using it. Also, ask the doctor if there is an alternative medication if your medicine contains caffeine.

Reduce Processed and Refined Foods: Processed food can rob your food of nutrients and vitamins that your body needs to fight off stress and promote good health. Try to buy whole foods, unprocessed foods and try and stay away from “instant” foods, preservatives, artificial flavors, saturated fat and MSG.

Reduce Sugar Intake:  Too much sugar can rob our body of essential nutrients. Yet don’t be so fast as to replace the sugar with Stevia the natural sweetener from the Stevia plant. Artificial sweetener can also cause anxiety as well as other health concerns.

Reduce Alcohol Intake: In small amounts, alcohol can be good for your heart but too much alcohol is not a good thing for your body and too large of an intake increases your body’s need for extra vitamins.

The body has a harder time using oxygen. As a result, you can become more sensitive to stress – which in turn can cause anxiety reactions. It can also cause depression.

The Effects of Alcohol on Anxiety:  How does alcohol contribute to Anxiety Disorders? Research has shown that alcohol ín high doses has numerous health hazards.

As well as many other things, ít can: increase your need for extra vitamins due to disturbed eating patterns interfere with the body’s ability to use oxygen, to process food & absorb vitamins.

This results in high alcohol consumption making you more sensitive to stress.

Chronic abuse of alcohol ís often associated with depression-like symptoms, which can reduce the ability to solve problems, which ín turn can lead to anxiety.

Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to poor work performance, relationship difficulties & financial difficulties. This can produce stressors that worsen anxiety.

Help Anxiety and Depression Naturally!

MindSoothe is a specially formulated herbal remedy that has been successfully used in the treatment of Depression, Insomnia, OCD, SAD, Panic Disorder, and Anxiety.

Being natural, with no artificial preservatives, MindSoothe is safe for adults and children (also see MindSoothe Jr. for children), is non-addictive and has NO SIDE EFFECTS.

It has become the formula of choice by thousands of satisfied customers around the world for treating depression, insomnia, anxiety, ODD and more.

MindSoothe is pharmaceutically manufactured to the highest standards and was formulated by our team of experts in natural medicine.

Learn more about MindSoothe now. Why do we promote this?

Save

[Read More ...] http://www.natural-holistic-health.com/nutrition-and-supplements-for-anxiety/