#literally the second he said that I had the vision for this meme

[waterkangaroo]

Carl when he gets that new ring in Book 6

[flippinpancakes64]

The Cullens with a reader who loves plants

All of these are a pre-established relationship but other than that it's completely open to interpretation

Edward:

An enabler

The first time he visited your room (that you knew of or not) he immediately saw all of your plants

The perfect easy gift

Most men give flowers, this man gives succulents

If he hears in your thoughts that one of your plants isn't doing so well or if there's one that you really want but can't afford it/ don't have space, suddenly you have a new plant

His room becomes your personal greenhouse

Not like he uses it for much else anyway

When you move in, he asks Carlisle if he can build you a greenhouse

Spares no expense

If he had his way your greenhouse would be bigger than the actual house

He will read so many books on proper care for plants and follow your instructions to a T

Man said its ficUS

Alice:

She loves seeing you happy

And if little cacti and bright flowers make you happy then she is all over them

She accidentally got a couple visions of you going to the same store and buying more plants before she really knew you

She saw it enough that she already knew that you loved them before really getting to know you

I feel like she used to have some plants but doesn't really anymore

Will buy a whole Home Depot's worth tho

Enabler yet again

When you move in she obviously helps you bring all your plants too

As a welcome present she buys really pretty matching pots for all of them

When she buys you new ones she also buys another one of those pots

Side note but I feel like her favorite plant is probably the lily of the valley

Jasper:

Is a little shocked when he finds out

He's never met someone with so much of one type of thing

Like yeah Edward has a lot of CDs

And Alice has a lot of clothes

But this is excessive

He can't even see the walls of your room

Wonders briefly if you're some type of creature that needs all of the extra oxygen that plants can cycle in order to live

He doesn't say anything though

He likes you, you like plants, so he will like the plants too

Is a bit skeptical when you move in and want to take all your plants with you

He already has to share the space with Alice and her huge closet and now there will be literally over a hundred plants?

There simply is not room

He'll try very gently to suggest that maybe you get rid of a few

That goes about as well as expected

So he just lives like this now

He isn't actually upset though

He's happy that you're happy

Rosalie:

Sorry not sorry she's an enabler

She doesn't need to go to the grocery store

Yet somehow once a week there is always a new plant in your collection

When you ask her she says she saw it while she was grocery shopping and thought you would like it

I have a feeling she cannot take care of plants though

You gave her a succulent once and it died

Literally a week later it was dead

She doesn't know what happened

You don't know what happened

All you know is that she is not allowed to touch your plants

She thinks they are gorgeous though

Will help you build a garden or a greenhouse once you move in

She likes to go out there and chill when you're not around

She loves the big leafy ones

And any with hanging vines

Emmett:

He's like the dad with the dog meme

Except with plants

He literally has never given them a second thought

Until you of course

Now he's over here like "yes I do like the pink pot better than the blue one for your money tree"

In all seriousness I feel like he'd have a HUGE green thumb

When you move in he's instantly offering to make a garden for you

Well, he says it's for you anyway

He's the one out there 90% of the time digging holes and planting bushes

He has a damn forest out there now

And I guess a couple of your plants too

Jk jk

He really took to it though

If you thought you were obsessed

He's even worse

Carlisle:

He thinks it's nice :)

Sort of in the "oh that's nice that they have an interest" sort of way

He's a firm believer that hobbies keep people sane and rounded individuals

And what's more grounding than the literal Earth and things that grow out of it

He'll never admit it is a lot though

Esme is the one who likes to decorate a lot

His office is filled with more utilitarian things, not so much decoration

Doesn't mean he doesn't like it, just that it's not what he does

He will say though, when you move in and he starts to notice some plants sitting on some of his shelves, he likes the color it brings to the room

Is another one who will happily buy you whatever plants you want

He won't take care of them though

Not because he doesn't want to or doesn't care, but he knows this is your thing

Esme:

She is a total plant girly

She does most of the interior design wherever the Cullens go, of course she takes care of the plants too

There are a couple plants in the house in the movies

I think those are hers <3

Obviously tho she does not have as many as you

But she will make it work

Y'all instantly bonded over your shared love

Another one who will buy you whatever plants you want

She can't help it when she's the one who wants them too

She would LOVE a garden

I think she would find growing vegetables and herbs to be really fulfilling

Even though she has no need for them

Maybe she'd sell them or give them away or smthn idk

But I also think she would love the quality time that working on a garden together would be

so romantic

Vampire! Bella:

Sort of indifferent idk

She thinks it's a bit odd but she has definitely seen weirder things

She does come from a family of pretty eccentric people

Overall though I don't think she would mind

She might use them as a way to get closer to you or as just another means of hanging out

If she notices it's gotten too quiet and she wants to hear you talk more, she might ask about a random plant just to get you talking again

Or she would suggest going to a plant store to hangout

I think she would be helpful though

Water, sunlight, make sure they don't die

She can do that much at least

She doesn't understand the appeal but she doesn't make fun of you or belittle you for it at all

Everybody has their interests

She doesn't mind

[mario-art]

HELLO, you made such an interesting point in the tags of my post:

You know what’s funny? Is that Thrawn is really being turned into a “Machiavellian” type of villain, but what’s even funnier is that Machiavelli himself received this type of treatment. Now idk how much familiar you are with the 16th century author, but just know this: Machiavelli and “Machiavellian”, and whatever people can take from him, is heavily misunderstood (I actually really hate the use of the adjective, but perhaps that’s a story for another type). Now I know that Zahn wrote Thrawn based on a certain extent on the Machiavelli archetype (I remember reading it somewhere, pardon if I have no proofs), but I’m actually laughing hard thinking that as characters they are having the same treatment by popular media. Lemme explain: Machiavelli wrote the Principe not because “oh he cynic!1!🥶He mad!1🤬”. No. Machiavelli wrote what he wrote because he wanted to save Italy dalla Ruina, from its ruin. Machiavelli dreamed of a more compact and unified Italy. He had a vision and just as much as Thrawn, he wished to serve his people, Florence (in Thrawn’s case, the ascendancy) and Italy (which didn’t existed at the time).

And now, with Thrawn being reduced as you said in a villan without complex motifs, I can’t help but think how poetic is to be doomed to the same narrative as the figure who inspired your existence. Maybe this was planned all along, I don’t think so personally, but Thrawn is being oversimplified by Filoni the same way Machiavelli gets reduced as just a “pragmatic person” and “the ends justify the means” by everyone (don’t let me start on how wrong the quote is).

To sum up: Thrawn and Machiavellian are rhyming in the same direction in popular mainstream media.

This was my Ted talk, sorry in advance for possible writing mistakes, I just woke up✌️

Hiii! Thank you so much for the spontaneous Ted talk 😄😄 Your parallel between the Ascendancy and Florence+Italy is sooo on point, it blew my mind for a second. Now I have to delve deeper into it

Actually there was a period of time when I was really invested in this topic, I read his 10 letters, history of Florence +the Prince obviously and almost fell from a chair when they put him into Assassins Creed game, but now there're just small bits that I remember. Maybe it's time to refresh things

I didn't know that Zahn was actually inspired by Machiavelli. I'm new to this part of the fandom, so I haven't read anything about him or his working process, but after you mentioned it I'll take a note for the future. I must confess I learned who Thrawn was only during the Ahsoka show and due to the fandom. Like there were so many memes about him here on Tumblr, there's no way fans will hype some basic dude so much. And then my friend recommended the new trilogy

So yeah, it's such a pity that not 1, but 6 books of new material got completely ignored and the character simplified to what we've already seen so many times literally everywhere. You phrased it beautifully

I haven't read the old trilogy yet, heir to the empire, only know the plot in general, but I'm curious what exactly motivates Thrawn to rebuild the empire. And how the characterization of him differs between these trilogies. Is he mostly the same or did Zahn change the character after so many years like Terry Pratchett's Vetinari evolved from the very first version of the Patrician to his later works (I can't help comparing them after yesterday, though I hadn't done it before idk)

So yeaah... At least I'm happy that there're so many talented fans here and we can happily ignore whatever happens on the screen 🙃

[drgrlfriend]

Fic Stats Meme

Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

Most Hits: No surprise there. I'm constantly amazed by how fantastically this fic was received in such a big fandom. Windows

Summary:

Derek has a new neighbor who won't stop looking.

Excerpt:

“You’re blind,” Derek said flatly, the anger draining from him so suddenly he felt almost woozy. His vision cleared, his claws sliding back into blunt fingernails.

“Thanks for the memo, genius,” the kid said acidly. “I can still fucking defend myself, so don’t take another damn step.”

“Fuck, I...I’m sorry,” Derek stuttered.

“What?!” The kid’s brow crinkled. “I mean — what?! You’re fucking sorry!?” His lips thinned into a harsh line. “What, is this some kinda Hallmark movie where you’re discovering the error of your ways because you don’t want to rob a blind person?! That’s fucking condescending, man. I’ll have you know that —”

“Just, wait.” Derek interrupted what was apparently the start of a convincing argument as to why he should rob the kid after all, feeling his head start to spin. “This is — it’s a misunderstanding. I’m — I’m not robbing you. You’re — you’re safe, okay? I’m taking three steps back. Just — just let me explain.”

“Explain why you came busting into my apartment? Yeah, go right ahead, man, I can’t wait to hear this epic tale.”

Second-most Kudos: Layover

Excerpt:

Big, serious brown eyes were staring right into his from only a few inches away. The child had clambered half over the arm of Derek’s chair to study him at close range, her little rosebud mouth pursed in concentration.

“Uh.” Derek couldn’t look away as the girl reached out one pudgy hand and patted him gently on the cheek. Her scent was soft and sweet and somehow a bit familiar, just enough to keep Derek from shying away. Derek didn’t know too much about kids but he guessed this one was probably three years old or so, head still oversized in proportion to the short limbs and round little belly.

She seemed fascinated with Derek’s beard, eyes widening further under incredibly thick lashes as she petted Derek’s cheek some more, smoothing down the short stubble. Finally she grinned widely. “Good wuff.”

Derek jerked upright, hands clenching on the edge of his seat. Did she just say?...

“CJ!” The child was suddenly gone, lifted up by a strong, tattooed forearm around her little potbelly. “You scared the he— heck out of me! What have I told you about wandering — Derek?”

Third-most Comments:

Lucky in Love

Summary:

Clint is only a couple of sips into his cardboard cup of coffee, his brain barely out of neutral, which is probably why it takes him so long to realize that some damn psycho is trying to kidnap his dog.

Excerpt:

“I’m not some charity case,” Bucky says pugnaciously.

“I didn’t think you were,” Clint answers back readily enough. “I mean, I can tell you’re fucked up for sure, but of the two of us, I’m probably the bigger disaster. My sleep schedule is shit, and I drink coffee straight from the pot. I sing in the shower even though I’m deaf as fuck. I have arrows everywhere because I’m an archer — did I tell you that? And I was raised in a literal circus, so I’m not exactly domestic. Let’s see, what else?” He squints down at the ground, rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh, yeah, I won the building in a poker game with the Russian mafia and every once in awhile they show up and try to take it back, but usually I handle it, no problem. Uh...”

Clint happens to looks up and Bucky’s eyes are wide, his mouth hanging open. Clint’s hand freezes where he’s rubbing the back of his neck, suddenly embarrassed. Yeah, when you put it all out there at once, it doesn’t sound so good.

Fourth-most Bookmarks: Layover again. That's a bit of a surprise!

Fifth-most Words:

Freedom's Reach

Summary:

Clint is about to move on when his eyes drift up to the lettering at the top of the window.

FREE PASSAGE TO THE WEST!

Clint knows that the circus folk mock him — call him too trusting, too soft-hearted — but even he knows nothing in this life comes free. The words puzzle him, and he reads them again carefully to make sure he hasn’t made a mistake.

His eyes are drawn to one posting at the very bottom corner, different from the others. This one is sun-faded and starting to yellow, curling at the corners. Clint crouches down, brow furrowing and lips moving as he sounds out the unfamiliar words.

Western Man Seeking a Husband — I am a kind and unassuming man of good financial means seeking a helpmate and companion. I have lost my arm in the service of our Union, but am otherwise free from disease. I am not particular as to looks, but am seeking an individual of equal youth and vivacity with whom I can share my affection and devotion. I am a man of quiet habits, moderate temperament, and kind disposition and would seek the same in my husband.

Fewest Words: Some of my ficlets in the Tumblr Ficlets compilation would probably count, but for freestanding fics it's this one:

The Set-Up

Excerpt:

“Y’know,” Steve starts, and Bucky’s jaw clenches instinctively. “Clint likes baseball. Or, at least, I think I saw him watching a game once. I mean, he was taking a nap in the lounge so I’m not sure if the game was on accidentally, but he didn’t change the channel when he woke up. Maybe you should ask him if he wants to catch a game some time? I mean, it’s not Ebbet’s Field, but Citi isn’t so bad, even if it is Queens…”

Bucky leans back on the couch, turns up the volume on the game, and tries his hardest to tune Steve out.

This was fun! Tagging anyone who wants to play.

[triptychgrip]

Post-canon Viktuuri intimacy: my love of writing the most tender filth imaginable

I think I'll always love writing post-canon Viktuuri smut, because in my fluffy little head, Yuuri and Viktor have the most filthy yet tender sex imaginable. It's particularly fun to write about their kink life, imagining what a few years' experience of unraveling Viktor time and time again might do for Yuuri's confidence...

If you've read my work before, I imagine you know I love writing Dom Yuuri. The most recent chapter of my married Viktuuri 2018/2022 Olympic Games fic -- Chapter 17, meaning there are only 4 chapters left until the end of part 1! -- features a pretty lengthy sex scene, and given the heightened emotionality of this particular day (i.e. the one right before Yuuri's last ever competitive skate), it was really fun to write.

It also includes mention of one of my favorite headcanons in the overall 300K+ word fic series: that Yuuri is not only a talented athlete, but singer as well. In fact, since gaining confidence in his skating as well as his relationship with Viktor, it's long been a dream of his to skate to his own music one day in competition. He finally does so in his last ever competitive season, which culminates with the Bejing 2022 Olympic Games.

Below is an excerpt from this most recent chapter, which I hope piques your interest in checking out this story or my other YOI works (which are basically all explicit...lol, what can I say?).

Note: content warning for explicit sexual content, Dom/sub power exchange

Note of context: on this particular day, Viktor is in a feminine mindset. She came out as genderfluid post-retirement, and sometimes uses she/her/hers pronouns

Given Yuuri's impressive stamina, Viktor decided to help things along by beginning to twist her wrist and pulled off for a few seconds so that she could administer a few full strokes.

“I love making you feel good…that’s all I ever want to do,” she whispered, glad when her husband opened his eyes so that they were looking at one another. “You deserve it, you were so beautiful yesterday. And not only your skating, but your singing, too.”

Her eyes actually grew wet when she said the words, but she knew Yuuri would understand the sudden onslaught of emotion.

Viktor had been hearing ‘Gold’ all season long, but never in a million years would she have guessed that Yuuri had recorded a surprise version of it: one that featured his own lead vocals instead of Yukimi’s. Though her love had skated to the sound of his own voice before (at the 2018 World Championships, in a tribute during her last competition), this was the first instance in which Yuuri had skated to a song of his own creation.

It had long been a dream of his to do so, and Viktor hadn’t even really been able to pay attention to the first thirty seconds of Yuuri’s performance yesterday, what with the way she’d broken down, sobbing. Her uninhibited reaction had been the subject of quite a lot of memes, but she couldn’t bring herself to feel even the slightest bit embarrassed. She hadn’t even realized that she’d grabbed Phichit’s sweaty arm – he had literally just come off of the ice after his own stellar performance – and had been grateful that he hadn’t minded when she’d begun to blubber all over him (then again, Phichit had cried a bit, too).

It spoke volumes about their relationship that even with the very wanton activities they were currently engaged in, a distinct softness entered Yuuri’s beautiful, gold-flecked and chestnut colored gaze.

“I could never have done it, if not for you watching me, Viten’ka,” he whispered, bringing his forehead slightly down to meet her own. “I’m so happy I got to surprise you like that.”

Viktor was proud that even as her vision grew blurry, she managed to keep up her ministrations. She giggled quietly at the sweet way her spouse kissed at some of the tears that spilled over, but the sudden heightened emotion receded, replaced with the earlier eroticism when she gave a particularly deft twist of her wrist.

“FUCK!”

She recomposed herself, bringing her mouth back down and attempting to fit the entirety of Yuuri’s dick inside. When it hit the back of her throat, she hummed, satisfied at the second loud thunk! that resounded.

“Ah! Vitya!!”

Viktor immediately pulled off with an unabashed slurping sound, but before Yuuri could protest, she sunk back down, taking his cock all the way to the back of her throat, yet again.

“Swallow around me, honey,” he ordered, the firm directive sending another heady pulse of fuzziness right to her brain.

She did so with enthusiasm, nearly losing her goddamn mind when her husband brought his hand up to her throat, lightly massaging it so that he could feel himself inside of her.

[teruthecreator]

for the character ask meme i feel you have enough of a history with this man for me to request, if you would like: lancaster?

RUBS MY HANDS TOGETHER HOOOOOOOO BOY

Sexuality Headcanon:

gay (i think this is canon?)

Gender Headcanon:

man we dont got time to think about this because of the Everything but i think he could rock some he/she swag in another life

A ship I have with said character:

HARLAAAAAAAAAAAAAANC OH MY GOD THEY MAKE ME INSANE. THEIR DIVORCE NOT-DIVORCE IS GOING TO DRIVE ME UP A WALL. literally like just their canon dynamic makes me insane like. not to get too into spoilers bc theres friends who arent caught up but just like the Everything going on between them post -3 incident is like. GOD. the ep where they actually talk some of it out had me literally cheering and clapping around my house like i was watching a football game. literally they are so IGOR coded it PAINS ME. YOU GOTTA LISTEN TO IGOR MAN SO YOU CAN SEE MY VISION BUT THE VISIONS THERE THE IGORISMS ARE THERE AND THEY KILL ME. i will literally push all my wips aside to write the one bed fic i swear to fucking god

A BROTP I have with said character:

LANCASTER AND LOVE MAKE ME A LITTLE CRAZY OKAY. JUST. OHHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHH THEIR BOND. the fact that they start so opposite and love not really wanting to trust him or talk to him to like. TO LIKE HER ACTIVELY SEEKING HIM OUT AND MISSING HIM AND WANTING TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM. IT JUST MAKES ME DIE MAN IT MAKES ME WANNA DIE. the dnd ep really gets me bc she trusts him so much, even when he did That, and it really goes to show how much her opinion on him has changed. the fact that she’s the only one to humanize him in the beginning of his -3 imprisonment is everything to me THEY MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME YOUR OFFICER

A NOTP I have with said character:

i have yet to peek into the fandom for this podcast but if i see a single person shipping lanc w d-1 i will start throwing tables at heads

A random headcanon:

okay so i’ve been thinking A LOT about what lancaster’s favorite redbull flavor would be. because there are a lot of fucking flavors of redbull and he isn’t just drinking the regular redbull bc Why Would You Do That so like. i’ve had to use my EXTENSIVE knowledge of redbull flavors—as a redbull connoisseur myself—to decide what flavor screams Orion Lancaster Findusalive. and i THINK i have the results of my findings. i think his absolute FAVORITE would be peach-nectarine because it’s really sweet (like INSANELY SWEET) and heavy on the peach flavoring to the point that i don’t even think the nectarine is in there. and idk he just seems like a peach guy to me. i think second favorite is probably watermelon bc it is objectively The Best redbull flavor on the market and he would be a fucking fool not to like it. and then third favorite would probably be something like blueberry or juneberry (the two are almost identical in flavor to me). those are my findings as the certified Redbull Guy

General Opinion over said character:

he makes me want to EAT DRYWALL. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD i genuinely dont think theres anything else i can say other than that. there are so many layers to him and so much going on i knew from the MOMENT i started that he would be a character that stuck out to me. and the more i hear from him the more i am certain of this. this is a certified ollieguy to me but make no mistake he is also a michguy. not as much as klein but close!!!! very close. my little onion <3

[logarhythm-bees]

To Unearth and Back Again; ⛅Chapter 2

Chapter One | Table of Contents | Chapter Three

See ronithesnail's absolutely wonderful art for this story!

I will find my way I can go the distance I'll be there someday If I can be strong I know every mile Will be worth my while I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong

-Go The Distance, Hercules

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Bee-

Roman slammed his hand down over the alarm clock, groaning. Squinting his eyes, he tried to make out the time through his bleary vision. 7:30, the clock said in neon white letters. Roman shook the clock in frustration. The clock, being an inanimate object, did not respond. 

Setting it down on the nightstand, and patting it apologetically despite the fact that it was still an inanimate object, Roman tucked the covers back around himself, muttering about “Logan and his stupid schedule, always with the schedules…” and wondering if he could sneak in another couple minutes of sleep without one of the others coming to look for him. He laid his head back on the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut again, when his brain decided to finally wake up and remind Roman what exactly he had planned for the day.

Roman shot up like a particularly extravagant jack-in-the-box, eyes barely on the former edge of literally sparkling. He tumbled out of his bed with the blankets still halfway stuck around him, dashing off to his bathroom and miraculously managing to do so without tripping over his sheets– not to say that he didn’t have a few close calls. 

He opened the little towel warmer he kept on his counter and gently placed- okay, tossed a towel into it, and then proceeded to spend several seconds getting into a fight with the thing as he was trying to close the door, before eventually giving up and taking the towel out to actually fold it neatly and put it in.

Roman hopped into the shower, humming a random medley of Disney love songs as he did so. Letting the soap flow over him, he took extra care washing his hair, because he was dramatic and he had a special day ahead, and he was Roman, so of course he did.

“All at once,” he sang, closing his eyes as he pictured the Tangled scene. “Everything is diff-aUgh,” coughing, he choked on the words, disgusted by the little bit of shampoo that had run into his mouth. He spat indignantly as he tried to get the bitter taste off of his tongue, swishing some of the falling water around in his mouth to clear it out.

Finally feeling only water on his taste buds, Roman shook his head and washed the shampoo out of his hair, careful not to get any in his mouth this time. He ruffled in some of his fanciest conditioner, the type he usually saved for special things, like performances and auditions and parties.

And Virgil, his brain supplied, and Roman felt the smile slip back onto his face.

He wrapped the warm towel around himself, checking his phone. He huffed dramatically as he spotted a text from Logan reminding him to be down for breakfast soon. Logan was insistent, however broken their relationships were now, that they continued to have family breakfast. He claimed it was important for them to promote structure, but Roman knew that it was really because it made Patton sad if they didn’t come and Logan was thoroughly hooked on his partners.

Patton, Roman thought, biting his tongue. The clouds of frustration and hurt began to creep into his mind, dark and dangerous, and Roman took a deep breath and shooed them away. There was only room for one stormcloud in his head today, and it was certainly a much better one than that. 

On the subject of his stormcloud, below Logan’s message was a notification that Virgil had liked the meme Roman had sent him the night before, a picture of a sink on a porch with the caption “let that sink in”. Roman grinned, setting his phone down and beamed at the reminder of Virgil and his plan, ecstatically turning back to the mirror to focus on getting himself together and ready.

Squirting a perhaps overzealous amount of toothpaste onto his brush, he brushed his teeth with a passion, and teeth-brushing is something most people are not particularly passionate about, even when they are the literal embodiment of passion like Roman, but he was feeling the vibes today. And maybe he wanted to make extra sure he made a good impression on Virgil when he confessed, just in case Virgil happened to be looking at his mouth or like Roman’s teeth or happened to kiss him or something, okay, sue him for being a lot-tle bit overprepared. This was important to him! Virgil was important to him. And Virgil deserved his best.

He hopped into his regal prince costume, taking extra care to straighten every detail of his very queer outfit, tugging gently at his sash to get it in just the right place and adjusting the golden details until they caught the light, shining even in the fluorescent bulbs of his bathroom. 

Roman ran a comb through his hair, styling it into his normal princelike regality with his fingers and smiling widely to himself. He looked beautiful, fabulously handsome if he did say so himself- and he did. He met his own eyes reflected in the mirror, and tried to think of what Virgil might think of him when they saw each other. 

He should think of something to say, Roman realized suddenly. He blinked the sudden nervousness out of his wide eyes, inhaling and out, feeling his chest fall and rise again. In for four, he reminded himself, hold for eight, out for seven. Just like Virgil taught him.

Roman met his own eyes in the mirror, going through the calming breathing cycle again. He could do this. Virgil wasn’t even here yet. And Roman would certainly be more prepared for when he was if he practiced at least a little now.

Roman cleared his throat. 

“Hi,” he said, eloquently.

“I-” He started, thinking for a moment. “You–uhm. I- we- we haven’t always gotten along- oh, that’s a bad starter.” He scrunched up his face, thinking. “I’ve invited you to this picnic because I have something important to tell you–no, that’ll make him nervous.” Roman bit his tongue. Maybe it would be better to simply come out and say it?

“Virgil,” he started, gently, keeping his voice steady. “I think I’m in love with you.”

At once, Roman felt a strange sort of discomfort curling in his gut, mixing in with his positive mood like mud into drinking water– that is to say, rather tainting its palatability. He felt nauseous hearing the words out loud, disdainfully wondering why, trying to convince himself it was just nerves. People tend to get nervous about confessing their love, right? That must be why he felt like this.

Maybe he shouldn’t practice this after all. He worked better on the spot, anyways.

He was grateful there were no snakes there to point out his lie. 

Roman set his hand on the door handle and tried to lift his positive mood back into action with thoughts of Virgil, Virgil, Virgil. What could he think about Virgil? Maybe what kind of picnic blanket they could sit on? Would Virgil prefer plaid or solid purple?

Letting the storm be a sort of guiding light, Roman opened his bedroom door just as the alarm to come down for breakfast made a little ding on his phone. He heard music drifting up the stairs and steeled himself, head and shoulders high. 

Just like any performance, he thought to himself. You can do it.

He took his first steps down the stairs, and kept his thoughts set firmly on patchwork picnic blankets.

[dans-den]

My Top 5 Worst Movies of 2022

What's going on everyone, it's Dan here and today I'll be going over my Top 5 worst movies of 2022. I didn't want to go with easy one's like secrets of Dumbledore or Jurassic world: Dominion, I wanted to dig deeper and find movies that slipped under the radar or people haven't heard much about and review those.

I've said it twice and I'll say it again, these are my opinions and all of this is subjective. You may agree or disagree with me and that's fine. With that said, lets begin

Number 5 is Black Panther: Wakanda Forever from Marvel/Disney (6/10)

Right off the bat, I'm making a lot of enemies with putting this movie at number 5. Now keep in mind, this movie had to be rewritten due to the passing of Chadwick Boseman so what we got wasn't the original vision but rather salvaging what they could. I already gave my complicated feelings on a review for it last month and while I gave it a 6/10, I personally did not like this movie. It's okay for what we ended up getting, but I still felt they could have pushed this back and taken more time with it rather than salvaging what they could to make a movie. The first half almost put me to sleep and the second half is where it started picking up the slack. The end credit scene was nice but unlike the old post credit scenes from previous Marvel movies before Endgame, it won't lead to the next film but rather give us a hint at what's to come. Who knows when that plan or if it will ever happen. Overall, I'm glad they gave homage to the late Chadwick Boseman, but as a movie itself, its nothing too special. Shuri is a great Black Panther and I loved her personal journey, but other than that the movie is just lackluster.

Number 4 goes to Lightyear from Pixar/Disney (5.5/10)

Now this was a movie that had plenty of potential to be a great movie based on a beloved character from Toy Story, but it was a mess to infinity and beyond anything I could have imagined. The tone is off, its different from the happy go star commander were all use to seeing. Here it's a more serious and dark tone where Buzz normally gives off this upbeat and somewhat campy space ranger tone like with Duck Dodgers or the Jetsons or even Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, I was hoping that's what this movie would be like. The tone just doesn't fit, in fact this doesn't seem like a Buzz Lightyear movie. It feels more like a generic space commander movie with Buzz slapped on it for marketing. I also wanna address the "controversial" same sex kiss scene...it was a literal peck, not like they full on frenched each other so I don't see how that could have ruined the movie. The movie suffered due to its time travel plot being ridiculous and its tone being more serious than it should have. Feels like this was meant to be a sci-fi horror film rather than a Disney film with a Toy Story character. I admire that they're trying something new, but this is not the way to go about it. Plus the twist with Zurg? Like why? As I said, this movie had potential, but it was just not steered in the proper direction and it suffered for not staying faithful to the character of Buzz Lightyear.

Number 3 will be going to THE....MOVIE OF ALL TIME! Morbius from Marvel/Sony (5/10)

It's Morbin' Time! I know I complained about Lightyears plot but at least that had a plot. The plot for this movie was near nonexistent! This movie is something else, Jared Leto once again showing that superhero movies are not his best attribute less we remember his....memorable role as the Joker from Suicide Squad (2016) and the Snyder Cut of Justice League (he did way better there than in Suicide Squad). I already gave my thoughts on the movie back in April and while I did give it a 5/10 initially, I feel that the score needs to be brought down to like a 4 or a 3.5 because this movie is just a complete MEME! So much so that Sony saw the meme attention it was getting and had the Megamind idea to rerelease the film again thinking it would do better this time around....but it actually flopped AGAIN! This is the first film to have a box office flop twice! That is an accomplishment in it of itself! While I don't think its a great superhero movie, it's definitely a so bad its good superhero movie, to me this is more of a guilty pleasure movie that you just watch to have a good laugh with some mindless action thrown in. This definitely holds a special place in my catalog of memorable movies and superhero movies, This is a rare distinction on this list so Morbius I tip my hat to you for being everyones....movie of all time!

Number 2 goes to the direct to streaming Halloween movie Hocus Pocus 2 from Disney/Disney Plus (3/10)

Now this is one of those movies I felt did not need to happen, but since it's Halloween it's time to see what beloved Halloween classics need to be given a sequel for next generation. A sequel that adds nothing but just trying to be hip and with it. I tried to avoid watching this movie but I just couldn't get away from it. My sisters house, My job, even my own house I was doomed to watch and finish this movie. I watched it on several occasions to finish and it was worse than I thought. First off, the original Hocus Pocus was dark, there is no denying that these witches were unapologetically evil draining the youth from children (killing them in the process), turning kids into cats, bringing back the dead and trying to kill more children. The opening even shows them witches being hung, they even showed that in this sequel. Speaking of the sequel, it's just generic Halloween kids movie with the Hocus Pocus named slapped on. This movie tries to give us backstory on the Sanderson sisters which I'll admit is nice but it also tries to make them more sympathetic and seem like they're the real victims. I understand they grew up in Salem during a time when Women had no say in anything and witch hunts happened on the daily, but it doesn't work when we've established that they're ruthless in the original. But here, they act like grandma's where technology is foreign to them and they've become sillier rather than major threats and how in the end, they rest in peace thanks to the power of friendship. It doesn't make any sense, especially when they were destroyed in the previous film, they get brought back again from a candle almost thirty years later? It doesn't make sense and it just seems lazy. I don't think they needed to be made sympathetic, they should have been just as ruthless and threatening as they were in the original movie. I enjoy villain's who are unapologetically evil just as much as I enjoy the one's you can sympathize with. They should have been kept Unapologetically evil from the start. Also the main heroes (if you can call them that even though they brought back the Sanderson sisters to begin with) are generic as can be, I don't remember any of their names. The only part I enjoyed from this movie was when Mary Sanderson used Roombas as broom sticks to fly, that actually got a laugh out of me and that Hannah Waddingham makes a hot witch lady ngl. Other than that, this movie had no reason to exist. It was nice seeing the OG actresses reprise their roles, but this was still shameless nostalgic bait to gain more subscribers for Disney Plus.

After all I said, I'm sure you're asking yourself "what could possibly be worse than Hocus Pocus 2?! I thought for sure this would be the worst movie!" but you be wrong my friends, the worst movie of 2022 is....

Number 1 goes to The Munsters (2022) from Rob Zombie (1/10)

With everything I've said about these films, I can at least watch them in their entirety even If I gotta do it in short bursts, but this film was so bad I had to stop it halfway through and leave my own room just to reflect on the decisions I've made leading up to that. I was not able to finish this movie and I don't plan to finish watching this abomination. This movie has been distributed to DVD, Amazon Prime and Netflix (which is where I watched it). My god, I respect Rob Zombies work not only in film but his music as well I actually enjoy his music especially Dragula, that's a personal favorite of mine. I've enjoyed his other films like the Zombie Horror Picture Show, 3 from Hell and Lords of Salem, but something went wrong here. I also want to point out I am a fan of The Munsters, I watched the classic tv show as a kid and even now I still enjoy that along with other 60's classics such as The Addams Family and the 1960's Batman TV show. But this film is far from its source material. It get's almost nothing right except the bare minimum. It doesn't feel like The Munsters it feels like a parody of The Munsters if that. It's just impressions and costumes mixed with cheesy rock and roll elements slapped on it. The jokes and Puns feel so forced and the setting is just horror meets old time rock and roll. I guess it's an origin story on how Herman and Lily met but their characters in the film don't match up who they are, it doesn't seem like The Munsters at all. It's set to be in the 1400's but treats it like the 1970's or 1980's and it doesn't really seem funny at all it just looks bizarre. I have no idea what they were thinking taking this 1960's classic and turning it into this cheesy origin love story. The origin story could possibly work, but I think Rob Zombie was the worst choice to do it considering his main works. When I first heard The Munsters were getting a movie this year and that it would be done up by Rob Zombie, I was excited. Unfortunately, the movie did not deliver on anything. It was clever, it wasn't funny and I don't even think cringe is the best way to describe this, it's just unbearable and I will never go back to finishing that film unless I was obligated to or if I get lucky with a lady if I watch it, that's it. It's a shame this happened to a beloved property I grew up watching, this makes The Munster's movies from the 90's look better by comparison and that's why I believe The Munsters (2022) is the worst movie of 2022.

Let's see how many enemies I make today, I'll post my Top 5 best movies tomorrow and should wrap up the year for me.

See ya!

[txdxsh1]

RANDOM HEADCANONS OF THE KARASUNO FIRST YEARS I HAVE !!

genre: CRACK oh my god

authors note: i genuinely hope you guys like these cause it was so much to make hahaha

they share a spotify family plan

whenever they go to tsukishimas house to study, they all simp so hard for his mom, calling her a milf and shit-

meanwhile yams has a crush on akiteru HAHA

yes i believe in bi yamaguchi

they have contests to see who can tie their shoes the fastest

tsukishima and yamaguchi go to the library so often that the librarian knows their names

yamaguchi and hinata play just dance when they’re bored

kageyama screams randomly when he feels overwhelmed

they all SUCK at skateboarding HAHAHAH

like they literally go to the skate park and all end up just eating shit

they get better at riding in their second year tho :)

they all simultaneously had a david bowie phase

like i said in this post, they definitely make deez nuts jokes

kageyama: hey tsukishima, what band sings that one song called believer?

tsukishima: imagine dragons you idio-

yamaguchi: IMAGINE DRAGGIN DEEZ NUTS ACROSS YOUR FACE

of course your mom jokes are also very common

they went to play laser tag for yamaguchis 17th birthday and it was …… eventful

they all LOVE star wars

tsukishima and yamaguchi play rock paper scissors whenever they’re bored and have been keeping score for YEARS

hinata and kageyama truly cannot cook a single meal (not because they don’t know how, they’re just so bad at it)

oh my god they have a group chat and it’s … definitely something

it probably consists of them yelling at each other, reminders for practice, memes/tiktoks, talking shit, and so much more oh god

they play video games together and are on voice chat while they play

let’s just say a lot of vulgar language is used

tell me why yamaguchi straight up trips on literal air like all the time

tsukishima is scared of rollarcoasters but just says they give him a headache as an excuse

they get into arguments over the most stupid things and they continue the arguments into practice until daichi yells at them LMAOO

oh god can you imagine them on a 4-way facetime call ??

you can’t tell me they don’t have a minecraft server

they have a shared playlist and it’s a mess and like 50+ hours long

i’d like to think that tsukishima was the first one to learn how to drive which, in turn, means that the group begs him to take them places

daichi definitely forces them to do group bonding so they have a sleepover

they end up going to 7/11 at 3am and they all have way too much energy (except tsukishima who just desperately wants to go to bed)

kageyama can hold a handstand for an extremely long amount of time

tsukishima will avidly pretend he does not see hinata since he’s not in his line of vision LMAO

yamaguchi and kageyama live pretty close to each other so sometimes they’ll go on walks or go get snacks and sit on the curb

hinata gets songs stuck in his head all the time and by the end of practice, everyone has it stuck in their head too (and it’s always the most ridiculous songs lol)

cue everyone at practice mumbling the backyardigans theme song lmaoooo

yamaguchi is so accident prone like this boy gets bruises and cuts so often

kageyama likes feeding ducks at the park

they’re all double jointed

tsukishima and yamaguchi LOVE going to the movies and sometimes will purposely go see bad ones so they can laugh

they all like playing uno but get so competitive for absolutely no reason HAHA

yamaguchi owns a record player and whenever one of the other boys comes over, they ask him to play something on it

i feel like they can all play at least one instrument

they trip each other in the hallways and it’s SO FUCKING FUNNY

[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Six. Movies and Speedruns

warnings: swearing, many memes word count: 3.8k (not including pictures) (wow okay ash pop off!) 

behind the screen (irl!dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: LETS ALL JUST AGREE TO NOT LOOK AT THE DATES ON TWEETS AND STUFF BC SOME CHAPTERS ARE SO SCUFFED WITH DATES!!!! JUST KNOW THIS STORY STARTS MID NOVEMBER!!!!!!!! (in a world where covid doesn’t exist btw)

**********

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**********

Unknowingly and unintentionally, Y/n let out a big sigh as she poured a glass of water.

"What's wrong, Y/n?" Naomi asked gently, coming up behind her and hugging her tightly.

"Peter."

Naomi hummed, a sign that she was waiting for Y/n to lead the conversation so she could follow because if it were up to Naomi, she would immediately start trash-talking Peter and she wasn't sure if that was the vibe right now or not.

Y/n shook her head in disbelief as she jumped up to sit on the counter. "He got so mad when he found out I slept over at Karl's."

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I wish you would just cut him off completely."

"I don't know. I know I should but... part of me wonders if he could ever go back to how he was when I met him. I would probably date that guy again but not who he turned out to be."

Naomi looked horrified. "No. You sound like you're considering hearing him out. No, is that a joke? He's a bad person."

"I'm not," Y/n reassured. "I'm just thinking hypothetically. Probably because I miss having someone..."

"Y/n, you have a ton of thirsty people in your mentions. If you really want someone that bad, just scroll through, land on one and I bet they're a million times better than that sack of burned potatoes."

Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled lightly. "Most of those are jokes."

"Not all of them," she teased.

"I know you're going to tell me anyway so just say it. Who specifically do you think isn't joking?"

"Dream," Naomi sang.

"Okay, crazy." Y/n reached over, staying seated on the counter as she grabbed a bowl from a cabinet on her left. She then leaned all the way right, reaching as far as she could, but couldn't quite grab a cereal box from the top of the refrigerator.

Naomi rolled her eyes as she helped, handing Y/n the box. She even went the extra step to get Y/n a spoon and the milk because she was that nice. "I'm not joking. Neither is he. Karl and I have talked about it and we both agree."

Y/n paused at her friend's words, her hand hovering over the milk that Naomi held out for her. "You guys gossip about my love life?"

Naomi set the milk next to Y/n, tired of holding it out for her. "Of course? Like we don't do that about Karl? Or you and him about me?"

She couldn't argue there.

"Karl says there's a different vibe from Dream when you join calls and I believe it. I mean, I've seen it during streams myself so I can only imagine how much more obviously in love with you he is during private calls.

"That 'vibe' is Karl's delusional mind creating things. He's too scared to talk to cameragirl so he's projecting onto Dream and I."

"Yeah, okay," Naomi agreed sarcastically.

Y/n huffed. "Besides, he's in Florida. I'm in North Carolina, in case you weren't aware."

"So you're saying if you lived in the same state, you'd date him?"

"I didn't say that." She honestly had never thought of it. Sure she liked hanging out with Dream and her stomach got butterflies when he talked directly to her and he made her smile harder than anyone ever had and he—

And she didn't like him like that. She had only officially met the guy like a week and a half ago and she didn't know what he looked like. There was no way you could catch feelings for someone without seeing them.

Naomi's expression fell again. "Distance doesn't matter, anyway."

"I swear if you say something about George I will slap you," she threatened through a smile and Naomi gave her an innocent grin back.

"If you're lonely, get on Tinder, not Peter. Or get on Dream. I have no qualms with that."

"Peter isn't even an option, Naomi." Y/n sighed, ignoring the comment about Dream.  "Also," she swallowed the last of her cereal and set the bowl down with a clank. "I'm gonna tell Peter I don't want to be friends anymore. Dream and George can be added to the list of Peter haters."

"You talked to them about it?"

She nodded. "You know how I have little gossip sessions with George? Well, Dream was there too this time."

"Well, of course Dream would hate Peter. We've established that he likes you."

"No, no, you and Karl delusionally hypothesized that."

Naomi tapped the counter methodically, a sign Y/n knew to signal that she was thinking hard. "Somehow, one day, I'll prove he does."

"Good luck."

"Wanna watch a movie?"

"Yes," Y/n perked up. "Go pick something, I'll get blankets."

She went to her room, grabbing her favorite cuddling blankets. She started leaving her room when she heard a ding on her open desktop, signaling that she had a call incoming from Discord. Cool timing.

"I'll be just a second, Naomi!" she called across the house before dropping the blankets on her bed and sliding her headset on, answering the call from Dream. "Hi, Dream!" She sat on her chair and tucked her knees to her chest.

"Hi," he greeted sweetly. "How are you doing today?"

"Much better than when we last talked. How are you?"

"Great now that I'm talking to you," he said smoothly. Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled anyway. "Are you busy?"

"Unfortunately, yes. My roommate and I are about to watch a movie."

"Ooh, what movie?"

"Not sure yet. Any suggestions?"

"Dark Knight. Unless you wanted me to say, like, Tangled or something."

"Yeah, girls' night is exclusively princess movies. Do you know nothing?"

"Apparently," he said with a laugh.

"What's up?"

"Oh, well, I was just gonna see if you wanted to be on call later with me, George, and Sapnap while I stream speedruns, but you're hanging out with your roommate so nevermind."

"Oh," Y/n deflated. "That sounds fun."

"I can push it back if you want to be part of it. If not, that's fine. I just thought it would be cool."

"No, no, no I really do want to, but I don't want you to have to push it back. When were you planning on starting?"

"In about an hour."

"I'll just join later if you're still playing. If that's okay that I come late."

"No. You have to be on time or not at all," he joked. "Of course that's fine," he assured. "And if I'm not playing anymore, you can still join... we usually talk for forever after we play games and it's fun. I would, er, we would love for you to hang out with us."

Y/n couldn't help the large smile on her face from staying even after they hung up and she walked back into the living room with her pile of blankets. She couldn't help it even when Naomi pointed it out and asked why she was so happy.

"Oh, uh, I've been invited to join Dream and them later for a stream."

"That vague answer doesn't warrant the shit-eating grin you have."

Y/n shrugged and cuddled more into her blankets. "What movie did you pick?"

*****

As the end credits rolled across the screen, Y/n yawned and looked over to Naomi in the dark. She was out like a light. Y/n stood up and made sure Naomi was covered in the blanket and she had a pillow. She crept back to her room and slid her headphones on, pulling up Discord where she saw the three boys' names still in a voice call.

She pulled up Twitch on her second monitor and looked for Dream's stream. It was already about an hour in. She clicked on it and her headphones echoed with the sound of George and Sapnap laughing like they said the funniest thing in the world.

"Shut up," Dream muttered. "Guys, what were the coords for the portal? Seriously, come on."

"Nobody tell him," George joked.

"George!"

"Where's Bugsyyyy?" Sapnap whined. "I want her to make fun of you with us."

"Half the stuff we're making fun of him for is about his big fat crush on her so..."

"George!" Dream yelled again. "No, it's not!"

Y/n smiled as she heard that, knowing it was a joke but laughing at the way Dream laughed at the accusation. She knew it wasn't serious or else they wouldn't talk about it on stream. George and Sapnap teased a lot, but certainly, they wouldn't out someone's crush in front of a hundred thousand viewers live.

"Oh!" Sapnap spoke out loud as George laughed loudly, both reading the text at the same time. "Speaking of..."

Dream waited for either of the two boys to elaborate but neither of them offered one. "What happened?"

"Bugsy texted us," George said off-handedly, typing a response to her. "She's coming in a second."

"Oh."

"What do you mean 'oh'?" Sapnap laughed.

"You guys have a groupchat?"

"Aw, jealous?" George asked.

Y/n joined at that moment, the first sentence coming from her Discord instead of Twitch being from Sapnap saying, "Would it make you more jealous to know our group name is Bugsy's Boys?"

"No, Sapnap, that's the one with Karl," George corrected. "The one with just you, me, and her is Bugsy's Boyfriends."

"WhAT?"

"I still don't approve of that, by the way," Y/n commented.

"Bugsy!!" Sapnap giggled happily. "You're finally here!"

"BUGSY!" George cheered.

"Hi guys!" Y/n laughed at the enthusiasm she was greeted with. "Hi, Dream!"

There was a few seconds of silence before, "Dream!!" George yelled right before the death screen appeared on the Twitch tab still opened on Y/n's right screen. "You idiot, what are you doing?! Why did you throw that run??"

She covered her mouth with the hoodie collar and laughed. "Off to a great start, bud."

"NO!" Dream yelled, knocking something, or somethings, off his desk. "Noooo! I didn't throw it, George, I FELL! Oh, that was going to be such a good run."

"What happened? How did you miss that huge ravine?" George asked while laughing. "It was literally right in the open. You didn't even try to use your water bucket."

"I-I was... I was distracted."

"By what? The completely open field with nothing blocking your vision?" Sapnap criticized with a laugh as well.

Y/n giggled to herself before letting her eyes trail to his chat, which was filled with the same accusations and guesses.

user5: BUGSY!

user2: DISTRACTED BY BUGSYS VOICE

user4: imagine saying hi so cutely that you make a man fall into a ravine

user1: are they dumb? obviously bugsy saying hi made his brain short-circut

user6: guys stop it wasn't bc she said hi. it was the g i g g l e

user3: DISTRACTED BY BUGSY!!!!

user8: HI BUGSY

user10: how to kill a man: hire bugsy to giggle and say hi directly to him

Y/n immediately blushed and covered her face again. She really had a habit of hiding even when no one could see her.

"Oh my gosh," Dream groaned, leaving the world and starting a new one. "Oh. My. Gosh. That's so annoying. I was doing so good."

"Oh," Sapnap laughed. "I understand now."

"What? What did I miss?" George asked.

"Just read chat," Sapnap explained. "They have the answer. Dream, your chat is so smart. Thanks for solving the mystery, chat!"

"No, they aren't ri— that isn't true!" Dream defended. "Chat, shut up."

"You sure?" Y/n asked teasingly, watching as his character paused when she started talking. Was she really making him this flustered just by talking? Surely not. He was just playing into the joke. He continued playing without saying anything, which made George and Sapnap laugh more.

The subject eventually changed and the atmosphere quickly became more relaxed and chill. Tonight was not a feral night like George had texted in all caps.

"Hey George," Y/n started, biting on her hoodie string with a smile because she knew Naomi would hear this when she watched the VOD the next day. "My roommate says hello."

"Oh my gosh," he muttered, making her laugh. "Let it go."

"Wow, I guess that's one way to treat your fans..."

"Fine," he sighed. "Tell her I say hello."

"Well, not if you don't mean it," Y/n teased.

"Yeah, George, you sound so unenthusiastic?" Sapnap asked.

"He's just flustered," Dream commented. "It's okay George, you can have feelings."

"Dream, you fell into a ravine because Bugsy said hi."

"Oh, come on! That's not—I just— I missed the jump! That's it!"

"I'm not flustered or unenthusiastic, I'm just tired, okay?" George explained, ignoring Dream, a yawn spilling out of him to prove it.

Y/n smiled. "Well, you could always let me give her your number if you really want..."

"No. If she had Discord you could give her that but not my phone number."

"Wait, really?" Y/n gasped. "Seriously?"

George laughed lightly. "Yeah, sure, why not?"

"YES! Okay, a huge win for the girls. Well, a huge loss for the fangirls but a huge win for the girls of this apartment."

"Oh my gosh," he muttered and she could practically see him rubbing his face in embarrassment.

"I'll send you her hashtag when she makes one so you know who to add back."

"She's going to make an account just to talk to George?" Sapnap giggled.

"Yes, dude!" Y/n defended. "She at least wants to be his friend, let her shoot her shot!"

Dream ended the steam soon after, not being able to focus enough to beat the end on any of his runs. He had streamed for just under two hours so he seemed to be getting tired as well. George went to bed soon after and after 20 minutes of talking with Sapnap and Dream, Sapnap mysteriously disappeared.

Y/n was about to leave as well, not wanting Dream to feel obligated to stay on the call with her when he spoke up.

"Does Naomi actually like George?"

"Yeah, she does."

"Then I want him to accept her love."

Y/n laughed. "How is he with long-distance relationships?"

"Well, he and I do just fine..." Dream joked. "Oh, not what you meant. I don't know, you guys are the ones that talk about each other's love lives apparently."

"You're still bitter about that?"

"Yes!"

"Suck it up," she laughed. "Naomi would do probably anything to date him so I doubt distance is a problem for her."

"George's sleep schedule is completely messed up, so the time difference wouldn't matter too much. And when he comes to America they can meet in person."

"Wait, he's coming to America?" Y/n gasped happily. "When?"

"There's no set date, but yeah eventually. He'll probably just come to Florida but we've all talked about having a huge meetup with a lot of our friends."

"Oh... cool..."

"Bug? You know you'd be invited to that, right?"

"Oh, really?" she smiled.

"Of course. You're part of the group now."

"Sick," she muttered to herself, but he heard.

"Bug, you're one of my favorite people, do you know that?"

She blushed. "Really?"

"Really."

"You barely know me, Dream."

"Yeah, well, I know enough to know that I'm sorta attached to you."

"Attached to me? In what way?"

He suddenly sounded nervous as if his brain caught up with what his mouth was saying. "I don't know, nevermind."

"No, Dream, what do you mean?" her voice was soft and understanding and it made him feel safe.

"I just... I don't know. I care about you a lot. We met only, what, like a week or two ago, and I already worry about you a lot. Playing games doesn't feel the same anymore unless you're playing with us."

"To be fair, we have been tweeting at each other for much longer than a week or two."

"Yeah, that's true. But it's not the same as actually talking to you."

She smiled shyly. "I care about you a lot too, Clay." His name sounded strange as if it suddenly made everything much more serious. "Sorry, that just kinda slipped. I won't call you Clay if you don't want me to—"

"No, it's okay, it, uh, I like hearing you... say it. But, uh, you can call me whatever you want."

She smiled widely at the nervousness in his voice and the hard pounding of her heart. "I've heard from multiple people that you never stop talking about me."

He laughed timidly. "Maybe. Do you talk about me?"

"Ask Karl," she giggled. "My guess is yes." Her stomach felt tingly and her hands shook lightly. Why did she feel like this all of a sudden? It was late, she reasoned. That, or it was because Naomi had planted the seed of curiosity in her mind. Did Dream like her? No... right?

"I'm sorry if my chat was making you uncomfortable at the beginning when I died..."

"Don't worry, I wasn't uncomfortable."

"It was true, by the way," he paused, "what they were saying. Just... in case you were wondering."

Y/n couldn't wipe the smile off her face, which was growing painful at this point. "What, my voice makes your brain short-circut? That was one comment I saw."

Dream laughed. "More like your entire presence, but... yeah I guess so."

How is someone supposed to respond to something like that? The sweetness in his voice almost made her sick but in a good way.

And just like when he named her Minecraft flower something sweet knowing that no one would see it, why was he still playing up the joke when no one was around?

Not knowing what to say, she decided to let him in on a little secret. "If it matters, you're one of my favorite people too."

"It does."

There was a deathly moment of tense silence as if both of them were screaming to say something but neither did.

"Basically, if we do have a meet-up, I'll sue you if you don't come."

Y/n laughed. "My pockets are empty, sir, so... good luck."

He laughed and it was music to her ears.

"Are you not nervous to show everyone your face? Like, if or when we do all get together."

"Not really. Especially not if it's just to our friends. Are you?"

"Yeah," she admitted.

"Why?"

She sighed. "I'm sure people have me painted in a specific way in their heads and I've seen fanart of me that is way different and way more attractive than I am. I just don't want to let anyone down by not living up to their expectations."

"Bug," Dream said softly, "you couldn't let anyone down."

"You don't know that."

"You can't disappoint real friends or real fans with the way you look."

"To be clear, Dream," she laughed nervously, afraid she would sound conceited, "I don't think I'm ugly. I like the way I look. I'm happy with me. But that doesn't mean I can't still let people down."

"Different than expected doesn't mean disappointing."

His words smacked her in the gut. He was right. Reality and imagination are very different. Neither has to be better or worse than the other. She could look the complete opposite of how someone expects but that doesn't mean they will be either disappointed OR pleased. And why does it matter anyway? If she likes how she looks, who cares what other people think?

"It's also scary to think of getting recognized in public," she admitted. "Being recognized from the start is one thing because it starts off slowly with only a few people knowing your face but if the first time people see your face is when you have millions of fans, the recognition would be overwhelming."

"That's true. I don't think I would mind that much, though."

"Of course not, you're you."

"What does that mean?"

"You like the spotlight."

"I guess. Not all the time."

"Well, what about you?" she asked. "Are you afraid of people knowing what you look like?"

"No. I want to do a face reveal soon but I don't know how I would do it. I want to do it at some kind of event or something but I don't know."

"I need to schedule around when you do it because you'll break the internet. Give us content creators a warning so we can prepare to not get viewers for a week."

Dream laughed. "Oh come on."

"Twitter would just be full of the same picture of you in every single tweet."

"It won't be that big of a deal."

"Something tells me your millions and millions of subs say otherwise."

"Whatever," he said. "As if you wouldn't break the internet too."

"Maybe for a day or two. But you'd break everything for weeks."

"Sure." There was a long pause before Dream softly said, "Karl's lucky."

"How so?"

He didn't speak for a moment, almost like he wasn't prepared for that question because he didn't mean to be heard. "I wish I could know you the way he does."

"You could. He and I knew each other in person first so it's different. You and I could get there eventually."

"You think so?"

"I know so. I trust you a scary amount for someone I met weeks ago."

"I didn't mean to sound like I'm trying to pressure you into showing me your face or telling me your name. I didn't mean like he gets to know what you look like and I don't. I meant, like, I wish we could hang out in person because I prefer that over talking in Discord."

"I get it, Clay. I feel the same way," Y/n said softly. There were a few moments of silence before she spoke again.

"Oh, gosh, it's already four."

Y/n's head snapped to look at her clock, which read 3:57am. "Already?" she whispered. "Dang."

As if acknowledging the time changed the atmosphere, it suddenly felt like 4am. Her back ached from her shifting in her chair so much over the last few hours, never being able to find a good position. The house was eerily quiet and all she heard was the low hum of the heater. The house felt stale, not used to its occupants being so alert and awake at that hour.

"I should probably go to bed..."

"Yeah, me too," Dream agreed. His voice sounded tired. "Thanks for joining us, it was really fun with you."

"Thanks for inviting me. Sorry I made you die. Hopefully you'll still let me back again."

"You're always invited to barge into my streams. Actually."

Y/n giggled again and mentally slapped herself for sounding like a little kid. "Well, you too. You can interrupt my streams anytime."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Goodnight, Clay."

"Goodnight, Bug."

**********

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[applerubyy]

Ciao Adios

Summary: When you find your boyfriend cheating on you yo decide to expose him in the pettiest way you can think of.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (some Loki x Reader if you squint)

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Cheating and cursing (I think that’s it?)

A/N: Hi! So this is my first time writing and posting anything here so if its terrible please tell me nicely :). This is some AU where everyone lives and all is happy ok? Also english is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Anyway, if it turns out that some of you like it I think I’d be willing to do a part 2 if you like. Hope you enjoy it! <3. Btw, the gif is not mine so credit to whoever made it.

Crack. That’s the sound of your heart breaking, ripped to pieces in just a few seconds. And no, you were not exaggerating. Seeing your boyfriend kissing someone else while taking off their clothes would do that to a person. And in his office of all places.

How did you not see that coming? They had a lot in common and they did spend a lot of time together but you were just so naïve thinking that he was the most trust-worthy person ever that you looked the other way and believed him when he told you she was “just a friend”. 

Just a friend my ass you thought as you calmly walked to your room. No running, that would draw attention to you and you didn’t need that. No crying either, because once you started you wouldn’t be able to stop. Walking down the hallway and taking the elevator to your floor feels like it takes forever. 

Time is funny that way. It has that annoying tendency to slow down or speed up at the worst times. Like when you were in college and the clock seemed to literally stop, you would look at the time and it was 10:20 am and check again after what felt like half an hour for it to be 10:25 am. Or like when you are having fun with your friends at a club and you see it’s 12:30 but when you look again a few minutes later it’s 2:40. Right now it feels like the former, time seems to have slowed down. Maybe Dr. Strange did something to it? No, that’s stupid, he wouldn’t play with time that way.

Finally the elevator pings open and you rush to your room. Well, it’s not only your room anymore. You share it with him and everything is a reminder of what you just saw. The art supplies on the desk by the window, the famous shield leaning against the wall near the door, the messy bed where you sleep together every night …

And every single thing brings tears to your eyes until finally, the dam breaks and you let the tears fall down. You bring your hand to your mouth to muffle a sob that brings you to your knees. Crying is the only thing you can do right now because your brain is stuck on a loop. All you can see is Steve kissing her, unbuttoning her shirt with one hand while the other grabbed her ass. And all you can hear are their moans, Sharon’s whimper when he touched her and his groan as he did so. 

And now you are full on crying and choking on air because that scene keeps replaying itself over and over no matter how much you want it to stop. And you do, Gosh you do because there is so much your heart can take and this is too much. It shatters you in more ways than one. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about him, about her, about your relationship and about yourself.

You remember the first time you met him. You were already in college and looking for an internship. Luckily you happened to be the niece of the one and only Pepper Potts. And who wouldn’t want to work near Earth's mightiest heroes? You sure did. You were studying journalism and communications in New York and working with the Avengers was the ultimate dream, one that was about to come true.

Your first day was uneventful, it consisted mainly of coffee runs, delivering files and passing messages along. That was until your third coffee run where you ran straight into a wall, well actually it wasn’t a wall but it felt like it. The coffee spilled everywhere, on your clothes and his, and you were going to fall on your butt if it wasn’t for him grabbing your arms to steady you. Imagine your surprise when you looked up to see Captain America himself.

And that’s the moment your love story started. It seemed like something straight out of a romantic comedy and you loved it. It started with flirting, a date and then another, him asking you to be his girlfriend and finally asking you to move in once you graduated. It felt like a fairytale.

Tony wasn't very happy about you and the Capsicle but he saw how happy you were so he tried to be happy too. Tony was your uncle even if you didn’t share any blood. Growing up you would visit your aunty Pepper in New York and he was always around, you even stayed at his house when Pepper and him had to work. So, you two became really close even before he became Iron Man and started dating your aunt. 

The same thing happened with Rhody. Your close relationship with Tony meant you were close to him too, seeing as he was one of the most important people in his life. Rhody treated you like his niece and was the only one he didn’t make fun of which you took as the ultimate compliment. 

So those three you knew before you started working at the compound and before Steve. But once you started working there you met the rest of the Avengers. Being Pepper and Tony's niece and Steve's girlfriend meant they all wanted to get to know you. 

You met Bruce Banner, the Hulk, and you became really close. But that was thanks to his close relation with Tony and all the time you spent with him working on his social media presence to make sure people saw him as more than just the green monster who smashes things. After a while of working there they promoted you and now you manage the Avengers social media.

Nat and Wanda became your best friends from the moment you met. You just clicked and hung out as much as possible, being the only girls on the team meant they were really happy to have another female added to the mix. As for Vision, he liked you because Wanda did, simple as that.

Bucky and Sam were the funniest people ever, their constant bickering always brought a smile to your face and they welcomed you with open arms. Happy that their friend had finally found someone to be with.

Thor and Clint were like the fun uncles you got to see every once in a while. The God of Thunder was like an excited puppy and would hug you till you couldn’t breath every time he came to Earth and Clint would joke around with you and FaceTime you when he was with his kids because they loved you (“best babysitter ever” that called you).

You met Peter when he started working for your uncle. He was a sweet kid and your love of memes, vines and pop culture made you instant friends. He would ask you for advice on girls and tell you science jokes.

But we all know not all fairytales have a happy ending and this one definitely didn’t. You’re feeling so many things at once. There’s anger, sadness, jealousy and something else you can’t put your finger on. You keep crying and are unable to move from your kneeling position on the floor. Checking the clock you realize you’ve been on the floor crying for an hour so you stand up.

Taking a shower seems like the best thing to do, your head is pounding and your face is all puffy. As you shower it hits you, that other feeling swirling around is inevitability. In a way you always thought he was too good for you, you always thought he would eventually get tired of you and trade you for someone else. 

It just hurt too much that it was her, the woman he shared so much with. The niece of Peggy Carter, his first love. An agent of S. H. I. E. L. D.  Someone who risked their life for the world like he did. Someone prettier. Someone better than you.

Yeah, you were definitely on a self-pity party. But you needed to be miserable for a while, to cry it all out, to hurt so that you could move on to the next stage of grief: anger. And when that came, there was no stopping you.

You weren’t a mean person, or a petty one. You gave everyone countless opportunities and forgave way too easily so you never really got angry. But when you did, when you said enough is enough, yeah, you better watch out. That could be the meanest bitch you ever met and she had no mercy.

So you got out of the shower, dried yourself and started getting ready. Tony was throwing yet another party about who knows what and you were not missing it. You liked parties, they were the perfect excuse for wearing pretty dresses and putting on make up. And tonight you were going all out. 

Your inner bitch was concocting a plan and you were going with it.

You hear the door open and prepare yourself to put on the best acting of your life. You take a deep breath and in the sweetest voice you can muster say: “Steve is that you babe?”

“Yeah doll it’s me” you hear him say. A few second later he pops into the bedroom and gives you a peck on the lips as you continue with your makeup.

“How was your day?” Steve asks as he takes off his clothes, probably to take a shower. “I missed you today, i went by your office but you weren’t there” he says with a small frown between his eyes. You could stare at his blue eyes forever but snap out of it when you remember what he did. 

“Oh not much, i left work earlier to get ready for tonight” you answer. Shit your work. You really did leave like that, but after tonight hopefully they’ll understand. “You should start getting ready, the party starts in thirty minutes”.

He smiles at you and tells you he’s going to take a quick shower before getting dressed. He goes to the bathroom and you feel like breaking the mirror but instead take a few deep breaths and remind yourself he’s getting what he deserves later on. With that in mind you finish applying you makeup and smile at yourself, you look good. Moving on to your hair you decide to do some loose waves and that’s it, you really don’t know how to make those complicated updos.

Steve gets out of the shower and starts putting on his suit. Men really do have it easier you think to yourself when you see all the work you had to do and he just showers and that’s it.

You take your dress out of the closet and admire it. It really is beautiful. It has a deep plunging neckline that shows a lot of cleavage and is skin tight with a slit on one side. The fact that it is silver with sequins makes it even better. Pepper helped you pick this dress. 

You put on the dress and admire yourself in the mirror. You look good. Behind you, you hear a whistle and turn around to see Steve watching you lust in his eyes. He comes closer and grabs you by the waist, pulling you to him.

“You look stunning” he says as he wets his bottom lip. “I can’t wait to take it off of you when we get back”. Lying cheating bastard.

“Can't wait” you lie as you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him. This is just a kiss goodbye you tell yourself. One last kiss before he’s out of your life and probably runs to her. Tears threaten to fill your eyes but you hold them down. Not now.

You break the kiss when the need to breathe is too strong. Grabbing his hand you start walking towards the door and say: “Come on, we’re already late”.

——————————————————————————

The party had already started once you walk in and in true Tony fashion it is elegant and extravagant. Everyone is there: S. H. I. E. L. D. agents, the Avengers themselves, politicians and a few famous people. 

You and Steve walk to the bar and order drinks. A whiskey for him and a strawberry daiquiri for you, yes you are that basic but hey, it tastes awesome. He offers you his arm and with drinks in your hands you start looking for your friends. A lot of people stop you on the way, nobody wants to miss an opportunity to talk to Captain America.

One thing, or rather on person, catches your attention: Loki. He’s sitting on one of the cushions alone with a drink in his hand. It’s weird to see him there. Sure, he was redeeming himself for what he did in 2012 and Thor said he was doing better but he rarely left Asgard (he “hated mortals”) and when he did come to Earth it wasn’t for a party.

As if he could feel you staring he turns his head and locks his eyes with yours. You weren’t going to lie, he was gorgeous. He was incredibly tall, had those charming green eyes and was actually funny (but you’d never admit that to anyone). But you were in love with Steve and never saw him as anything more than Thor's hot brother. And everyone in the Avengers was hot so that’s not saying much.

You turn away from him and see Nat and Wanda on the dance floor and you tell Steve you’ll see him later and to go find his friends. He’ll need them after tonight you think to yourself. You greet the girls and start dancing with them, for a moment forgetting about what you saw today and putting Loki out of your mind.

The three of you decided to take a break and order some more drinks. Once at the bar Wanda orders for you and when your drinks arrive you go back to the dance floor. You spend the next few hours dancing, talking to your friends and pretending that nothing's wrong. Talking to Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Hugging Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Kissing Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong.

The fact that Sharon is at the party doesn’t help at all. When you see her talking or touching him you feel like you’re gonna lose it but you remain strong. You remind yourself of your plan and try to keep them out of your mind.

There’s a small stage at the far end of the room and you see your uncle Tony step on it and grab the microphone.

“Hello everyone and thank you for coming to another one of my amazing parties. I hope you are having a good time and taking advantage of the free bar over there” he points to the other side of the room and continues, “Now for what we have all been waiting for: karaoke! And yes, i want everyone to sing something because that’s the whole point of this. I'm looking at you Manchurian Candidate, you’re singing”.

With that he gets off the stage and passes the mic to Sam who decided to sing a Marvin Gaye song. He’s pretty good actually but you can’t fully concentrate on him because your mind is going a thousand miles an hour for what it’s going to happen later.

More people go up and sing their songs and you applaud when they’re done. Nobody is talking much, they're all too busy either laughing at the others performance, drinking or actually listening to the songs. You’re sitting with Steve to your right, Bruce to your left and the rest of the Avengers nearby. You’re your own little group.

It’s finally your turn and as you walk to the stage you can hear your friends whistling and cheering you on. Once you’re up on the stage you choose the song and start singing. 

Ask you once, ask you twice now

There's lipstick on your collar

You say she's just a friend now

Then why don't we call her?

So you wanna go home with someone

To do all the things you used to do to me

I swear, I know you do

Used to take me out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when I ring you up

Don't know where you are

'Til I hear her say your name

Used to sing along when you played guitar

That's a distant memory

Hope she treats you better than you treated me, ha

As you continue singing you get more and more confident and take the mic. You walk off the little stage and over to your friends while dancing and you can see them smiling, clapping and having fun. They have no idea how much i mean all of this you think. You look at Steve and he’s completely oblivious. Good, you want to take him by surprise. You arrive at your little circle of friends and start singing the chorus.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

You keep dancing and go back to back with Wanda who’s also singing along. You then turn to Nat and she grabs your hand and makes you do a little spin. 

After three, after four times

Why did I bother?

Tell me how many more times

Does it take to get smarter?

Don't need to deny the hurt and the lies

And all of the things you did to me

I swear, I know you did

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You go up to Tony and he starts dancing around you busting out some dad moves. You laugh and keep on singing and dancing.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (no, no, no, no)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You walk back to the stage as you sing and step up. You put the mic back into place and sing the last part of the song.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her (with her)

Kissing and having fun (and fun)

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (you get on with your life, I'll get on with my life)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

When you’re done people are clapping and cheering and you look to your friends to see them all smiling. You look at everyone and make a little mock bow and when you straighten you see Loki sitting on the same couch as before. But this time he’s looking at you and he’s laughing, not smiling and cheering but actually laughing.

You look back at your friends and say “Thank you, thank you” with a smile on your face. You continue , “I wanted to dedicate this song to my boyfriend Steve” you point at him.

“In case it wasn’t clear enough, i wanted to tell you that i saw you with Sharon”. You could hear a pin drop. No one was talking and all eyes were on you. This is what you wanted, to humiliate him as much as he did you. And what better way to do it than publicly? Oh but you weren’t done.

You could see Steve's face going pale and nobody knew where to look, if at you or at him. Tony look ready to murder him as did Rhody, Pepper, Peter and Bruce. Thor, Clint and Vision looked shocked. But Bucky, Sam, Nat and Wanda looked guilty.

Your heart breaks a little more when you realize they knew. You can’t really blame Bucky and Sam for not telling you, they were Steve's friends after all. But you thought the girls were your friends, that they would have told you. Apparently you overestimated that friendship.

You keep on smiling and continue “So… I’m breaking up with you. Hope she was a good fuck and wasn’t uncomfortable with the fact that you were once in love with her aunt”. You do a dramatic pause and make a little disgusted face. “Anyway, if I’m lucky i´ll never see you again. Have a great life!”

And with that, you walk off the stage and make your way to your friends. Steve is rooted to the spot and his face is red with embarrassment. You walk up to him, look him straight in the eye and give him an evil smile. He gulps and opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something and then closes it. He does is two more times and still nothing comes out.

You turn to your group and look at Wand and Nat, who can’t seem to be able to look you in the eye. You sigh and say: “Who want enemies when they can have you as their best friends right?”. They look up then and start talking. Telling you how sorry they are and to please forgive them. You raise your hand to silence them and they do.

You go to your aunt and uncle who look like there should be smoke coming out of their ears and say: “I’m gonna stay in a hotel for the night, can’t stand to be here anymore”. Tony scrunches his eyebrows and look at you like you’re crazy.

“Hell no. You’re staying here. We can find him another room to sleep in but you’re not leaving. If anyone’s leaving is Mr. Star-spangled over there” he practically screams the last part as he points at Steve.  

You take a deep breath and hug him. It takes him by surprise but he puts his arms around you. “I appreciate it uncle Tony but i can’t stay at the compound, it just hurts too much” you say as you let go. Turning to your aunt you hug her as well and say: “Thank you for everything but I quit”.

The moment those words leave your mouth everyone starts talking at the same time telling you how crazy you are and to think about it. You just smile at them and tell them you already made up your mind. “I'm gonna go pack a bag and ask Happy to take me to a hotel nearby. Please make sure he doesn’t follow” you say as you point to a still red-faced Captain America. 

With that you turn around and leave. The room is silent for a few seconds before you hear your friends all screaming at Steve. You look around for a second and notice that Loki is staring at you with a smirk on his face. When you look him in the eye he raises his glass at you ant takes a sip. 

You give him a small smile and walk through the doors towards the elevator.  

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

tuxedo iii, m | myg

pairing(s): yoongi x reader, mentions of previous jungkook x reader

summary: It’s the next morning. Your cat is still a man. Fuck. He still thinks he owns the place, including you. Sigh. Well, you still have to do your job, because, yikes, your cat-man has spent a small fortune on new clothes (spending like he’s got a black card, what’s up with that?). Ah, but... maybe both of you are starting to finally acknowledge that he might be a more man than cat – at least for the time being...?

warnings: rated M (18+) for language, mentions of the coronavirus pandemic; possibly full-on crack; mentions of and a tiny bit of smut (fem reader, spanking, doggy, unintentional??? voyeurism, dry humping / thigh riding); domestic and soft moments with your cat-man; non-idol!AU - cat!Yoongi x human!reader; ft slightly cocky Jeon Jungkook (+drama!!!) and bestfriend!Kim Seokjin; breaking of the fourth wall; are YOU a furry? yeah, I kinda think you are

*deep breath* I reference a certain boat that was stuck in the Suez Canal, Yoongi's livestream where he poked himself in the nose with the coffee straw, his love for tangerines, too many Twitch chat memes, that time his mom called him a boiled dumpling, 'BST' pink pajama Yoongi, DTS, TXT's 'Cat & Dog', etc...

–

part i | part ii

-

You woke up slowly. 

A perfect, peaceful morning. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Neck cradled by your memory foam pillow? Check. Back well supported by your soft mattress? Check. Not sleeping on your sofa and destroying your spine? Check. Hey, you’re moving up in life! Ah, what a normal day already. You opened your eyes a crack; vision blurred from the morning sunlight filtering through your curtains. Bundled in your minty-green duvet? Check. Wearing your extra soft black-and-white striped pajamas? Check. 

Large pale human hand firmly gripping your right titty? Check. 

Wait… 

What?

Your eyes snapped open and flew to your left. 

Min Yoongi's face was centimeters from yours, buried into your pillow, messy bedhead sticking out everywhere. Black choker with the tiny silver bell around his neck. Still had those black velvety pointed cat ears and glowing pale skin, pretty pink lips ever-so-slightly upturned, warm exhale against your ear. 

Your cat still a disturbingly handsome man?

Ah, yup, check. 

His hand was on your right breast, fingers molded to the soft curve. A quick glance and, whew, he was still fully dressed in his black t-shirt and sweatpants from yesterday. Yes, fully, completely dressed. Shit, what if he caught you staring? You quickly flickered your eyes up at the ceiling, hastily wiping the drool away from your mouth. Whoa there. That would be embarrassing if he caught that.

Also, kind of gross. Don’t be gross. Keep it together.

Hahaha…

Well, yup, this was still awkward, the whole hand-on-the-titty thing, hahaha, but not as awkward as it would be if, hahaha, you accidentally, oh, don't know, hahaha, got really, really, really disgustingly drunk and, hahaha, had somehow lost all impulse control and, hahaha, fucked your cat?

Man.

Cat-man. 

Hahaha, that would never happen. You’d make sure of that.

... 

Unless?

No, no, no, stop, he's your cat, your cat, he's literally been a (cat) man for one fucking day, albeit a incredibly hot, deliciously built (cat) man who put your facial massager on your nipple and let you touch his human dick in the shower and he was hard for a hot second, so... no, no, no, stop, you are not a desperate thot, get a fucking grip – well, you kind of are – but not him, for fuck’s sake, you still don't understand what the fuck is going on or if he even remotely likes you and, let's face it, he probably doesn’t because you almost paid a guy to chop off his nuts–

"Are you dying?"

You choked on air and lurched sharply at the sudden deep, raspy voice. The grip on your right breast tightened, preventing you from moving away. You did what any sensible human being would do in this situation and wheezed like you were on the verge of passing out. 

"Urk!"

"Do you have high blood pressure?" Yoongi yawned calmly, turning his face to the side to avoid breathing in your face, thereby pressing his body even closer to you. Your neck and ears heated to five billion degrees. "Your heart's beating abnormally fast. Maybe you should see a doctor."

You definitely needed to see a doctor for something as well as several gallons of holy water and a priest to get an exorcism for that horny demon inside you. 

"Y-Your hand!"

Yoongi grunted. "What about it?"

What about it???

"It's on my tits!" you squeaked.

Yoongi lifted his head, squinting. "It is." Then his head dropped and he closed his eyes again. 

HELLO, Min Yoongi? That's ALL you have to say???

"Is there a problem?"

IS THERE A PROBLEM???????

"I've always slept like this," he mumbled.

That's... true though. Your tuxedo cat, previously named Shooky until you realized he had his own name, did used to always sleep next to you, when he wasn’t trying to murder you by sitting on your chest, that is (he was adamant on letting you know when he needed breakfast). Usually, your cat was splayed out by your left side, his long body extended and pressed against you, his white, sock-like paws encircling your arm. Shooky had basically been a small furry heater that kicked you sometimes in his sleep. 

Keyword: small.

"Y-You w-were a cat!" you sputtered.

"I'm still a cat."

"No, you're a man! With arms!"

"The reach is a little farther. Who cares?"

WHO CARES???????

Before you could very loudly inform Yoongi who exactly cared – that’s you, by the way, yes, you – he wrapped his arms around you and yanked your body to his, turning you into a red-hot chili pepper with the amount of heat your face was now emitting. Then his free hand grabbed your other titty. Without asking! Without even so much as buying you dinner or, hell, giving you a goddamn cracker! You didn't need to be wined and dined, but at least a single fucking snack before using your tits like his own personal stress ball!

Yoongi pressed your back into his chest.

You froze. 

He pressed his crotch into your ass, shivering slightly.

Your soul left your body. 

"Ugh, this human body is terrible," Yoongi muttered. "Always so cold. I need this extra body heat or I'll die."

You'll die? YOU’LL DIE?

You were pretty sure that you were already dead. Rest in peace.

Hang on. 

Something was stuck in a very specific place, quite similar to a far-too-large boat in a narrow canal.

"Um."

Er...

"What?" your cat-man grunted.

"Your..." You gulped. "Dick."

"What about it?"

"You, uh... have morning wood."

"Is that a human euphemism?" he grumbled impatiently, clear annoyance in his tone. "I don't understand your species. Wouldn't it be easier to be straightforward and explain yourself clearly?"

A muscle in your eye twitched, reaching breaking point.

"Your dick is rock-hard and you're shoving it between my ass cheeks!"

"Yeah, so? It's cold too."

Your irritation fizzled out at Yoongi’s self-assured, completely calm response. In fact, he sounded borderline bored and exasperated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. His hard dick was cold, so he put it in the warmest place he could find, your ass, duh. Nothing weird about it, of course. Your mind reeled, unable to compute what the fuck was going on. Thus, your body did what it did best in these moments where you did not want to give a response that would most certainly expose you and your dire need to get dicked.

Not deal with it, of course.

You fainted.

-

"Fuck!"

You shot out of bed at the harsh yell, tangled in the covers, barely registering that Yoongi no longer had a death grip on your tits – in fact, he was no longer in bed at all – and stumbled towards the source of the sound, highly disoriented, your earlier fainting spell turning you into a bumbling mess.

Admittedly, not that different from your usual self.

(Ouch, roasted.)

"What, what, what?" you croaked, running into the doorframe of the bedroom and nearly taking yourself out. 

Might as well, maybe it would have been a blessing in disguise, considering the way your life was going. 

You finally tumbled your way to the kitchen, where your cat-man was hissing at the pan on the stove. 

"I was trying to make eggs," Yoongi spat, pointing accusingly at the frying pan. His ears were flat and his tail was sticking straight up. "And then it attacked me."

If you had three functioning brain cells, you would have remembered Yoongi putting his morning wood between your ass cheeks this morning, but alas, you only had two at the moment – you did run into the doorframe, might have lost one there – so instead you nudged him aside and rolled up your sleeves, taking the pan and shaking it so the eggs wouldn't burn. 

"Was it the oil? Sometimes it pops," you asked as Yoongi continued death glaring at the pan.

"I saw you doing this yesterday. You didn't seem bothered," he mumbled, finishing with a low, angry hiss as if the pan was sentient and mocking him. The oil popped and seared your forearm, but at this point you maybe had five hair follicles total on your arms with how many times hot oil had splattered in you. It used to bother you when you were a kid, but years of cooking had desensitized the feeling, turning it to nothing more than a mere annoyance. Yoongi stayed behind you, intermittently letting out hisses of rage as you cooked.

"I told you, my dad's a chef. You get used to it," you said, tipping the pan and flipping the thin egg pancake with ease. 

"That's bizarre," Yoongi muttered. "No normal animal gets used to pain."

Normality was starting to become a bit of a foreign concept to you.  As for being an animal, well…

You took the pan off the heat and rolled the egg onto a plate with a spare set of chopsticks, turning it into a log shape. A literal egg roll, ready to be sliced into bite-sized pieces. You took a sniff. It seemed to be seasoned already. Had Yoongi simply copied what you did yesterday? His observation skills were insane.

"Then again, you seem to enjoy–"

"Yoongi," you blurted, not wanting to know what he thought you seemed to enjoy, but very sure it was going to be one-hundred-percent embarrassing and only for you. "There's some leftover beef and vegetables in the fridge you can have with the egg and rice."

He raised his eyebrows. "Beef? Why didn't you say so earlier?"

Because I was asleep and maybe half-dead? "Did you brush your teeth?' you asked suddenly. 

Yoongi scowled. "Unfortunately."

"Right, so should I, goodbye now."

You marched away hurriedly, trying not to think about how your cat had surely witnessed you getting spanked while being fucked from behind by none other than, surprise, surprise, his not-so-favorite human being, Jeon Jungkook. Tattoo guy strikes again. The worst part was, you couldn't lock the door on your cat either, because then he would meow incessantly while you were getting deep-dicked and that was even worse. 

"Your cat really likes you, huh?" Jungkook mused as you yanked open the bedroom door to the black-and-white tuxedo furball. 

"Like is a strong word," you muttered at your cat, who yawned and sauntered past you to his cat tree, acting like he owned the damn place. 

"I like you."

"Hah... wait, what?"

Jungkook grinned as your eyes found his. Took a while. You were a little distracted by his nakedness. His tattoos up his right arm. His tan skin. His muscles. His white teeth biting on his lower lip, tiny mole underneath flashing. His long black hair, framing dark chocolate eyes and teasing, cocked eyebrow. 

"I like you," he repeated, voice deep and sexy.

You turned red and made the most coherent noise you could. 

“... Urk?”

“Noona.”

Why did he look so fucking hot and disrespectful at the same time when saying an honorific?

Jungkook came up to you, hand cupping your head and tangling his fingers in your hair. He brought his face close to yours, lips brushing against your swollen ones, taking your breath away.

"Wanna go back to me spanking you while you get off on my dick?"

Respectfully, of course. 

"How much rice do you want?"

You started, poking yourself in the nose with your toothpaste-covered toothbrush and smearing mint up your nostril – almost as bad as poking a coffee straw up your nose during a livestream in front of millions of people, yikes – as Yoongi appeared behind you, breaking you out of the memory. Your cat-man watched you with mild disgust and displeasure as you coughed and dunked your head into the sink, hurriedly rinsing off your burning nose.

"Whatever, I'll just fill it halfway."

And he left you sputtering, pajamas and hair soaking wet in your haste.

Awesome. 

-

“I’m ordering some groceries,” you announced in between bites of rice and egg. You tapped lightly at the phone screen as you spoke. Green onions, tofu, cucumbers… “Do you want anything?”

“Meat.”

You swiped rapidly and added packages of chicken, pork, and beef into your cart. Why the fuck not? You like meat. All kinds of–

“Yes, Yoongi, I’m getting meat. Anything else?”

“What else is there?”

You made a face and handed him your phone. “All sorts of things. Household products too, in case you don’t want to smell like my soap.”

“Your soap is preferable,” he said absentmindedly, scrolling through the online grocery app. You continued eating, shoving things in your mouth and none of it dick. Sad. At least it tasted good. Your cat-man had seasoned the egg well. You jumped as Yoongi spoke again. “I want these.” He turned the phone around.

You squinted at the screen, staring at a picture of orange balls. “Tangerines? Why?”

He turned the phone back to him. “They’re small, round, and look tasty.”

You blinked at him, then shrugged. “Sure, why not? I guess your palette might have changed. Try whatever you want.”

He pursed his lips and pressed a few buttons as you ate. You realized you needed to order more groceries now that your cat was a man eating your human food and no longer a cat eating his rather expensive cat food. Sigh. You had put Shooky’s cat bowls in a cabinet earlier this morning before sitting down to eat. It seemed weird leaving them out on the floor like that. Kind of offensive, maybe, now that your cat was a man and all…

“Okay, I ordered it.”

“Ah, okay, that’s good. They’ll probably come later this week.”

-

After breakfast, you spent nearly half an hour with Yoongi trying to pick out something for him to watch from your various streaming services, only for him to select a historical drama series. Like what? You cat (man) wanted to watch historical drama out of all things? Instead of learning about the modern world, he wanted to watch a depiction of the past?

Whatever, it had seventy-seven episodes, so at least he would be occupied for a while.

You let him be and went to your computer, intending on getting some editing done. Sure, the universe decided your cat was a man now, but you still needed to pay for said cat-man’s existence. You still didn’t know what you were going do to with all that cat food, cat toys, cat tree… ugh, this was all a problem for future you, not present you.

Present you needed to splice five-hundred images of PepeHands together and overlay it over a League of Legends one-shot compilation.

Uh, so, it was this meme of a green frog named Pepe holding up his anthropomorphic hands in despair, therefore coining the term PepeHands for a particular Twitch chat emote… never mind, it just meant you were spending some time video editing for a gaming YouTuber and it required concentration, shitty memes, and well-timed captions. And you were getting paid good money to do this.

Yeah, it’s a weird world.

You sat at your desktop and got to work, doing the rough cuts of the video first. Thankfully, the YouTuber had already sent you the timestamps of the noteworthy moments, therefore making your job a lot easier. You spent several hours compiling the clips before adding your extra flair and effects. You had a library of images and sound bites that you commonly used (including Goofy singing Evanescence's ‘Bring Me to Life’) and was in the middle of grayscaling a video clip and adding the familiar audio of all around me are familiar faces before being scared shitless.

“Woof.”

You swore someone was singing ‘Mad World’ as they were narrating your life right now.

“Gah!”

You jerked in your seat to see Yoongi leaning over behind you, eyebrow raised as you gawked at him.

“Don’t sneak up on me like that!” you exclaimed, pulling back an earcup of your headset.

He frowned. “How can I sneak up on you?” He flicked the silver bell on the black choker around his neck, making it jingle cheerfully. “You put stupid thing on me, remember?”

You winced. “Well, I’d take it off, but there’s some kind of voodoo magic on that shit – and hey, don’t change the subject! You have that weird cat thing where you’re silent no matter what.”

Yoongi looked unbothered. “Weird cat thing? Thought you said I was a man?”

“Thought you said you were a cat?” you shot back.

You glared at him and he gave you a blank expression. Then he cocked his head to your desk.

“Your phone is flashing.”

You jerked your head to see your phone screen flicker. You grabbed it off you desk and unlocked it, checking your messages. Five messages from – ah, but of course – your best friend. Kim Seokjin.

LET ME SEE YOUR CAT

LET ME SEE YOUR CAT

LET ME SEE YOUR CAT

LET ME SEE YOUR CAT

LET ME SEE YOUR CAT

You pursed your lips. With the pandemic and all, you hadn’t visited Seokjin in forever, but every week he would text you, asking for a photo of your cat and he would send you a picture of his sugar glider. With every week being the same and nothing interesting of note happening, it was hard to think of conversation topics. Therefore, Seokjin and you came up with this weekly event so your friendship wouldn’t deteriorate. Also, both of you were serious introverts, so he spent most of this pandemic playing MapleStory while you spent most of it on your couch watching Netflix with your cat. It was a miracle you two hadn’t morphed into actual potatoes yet.

You glanced at Yoongi, who was inspecting his nails and picking at them. You frowned and batted at his hand. He frowned back and smacked yours, harder. You glared at him. He gave you a vacant stare, as if he had done nothing.

“Why are you picking at your cuticles?” you muttered, going back to your phone and sending Seokjin an old picture of Shooky. You couldn’t exactly send him a picture of current Shooky. He was… well, currently not a cat. You stared at the picture of the fluffy tuxedo cat curled into a ball, asleep in your lap on the couch.

That moment wasn’t even that long ago.

Somehow, it felt like ages since you had last petted that furry butt.

“Hm, dunno. Occupies my hands, I guess,” Yoongi replied distractedly.

“Well, you shouldn’t. It’s not good for you.” You noticed you had another message from the local delivery service, saying a package had arrived at your doorstep. You stood, placing your phone on the desk and looked at Yoongi, who was staring at his old cat tree, the one by the window. When he was a cat, he used to poke his head between the curtains and look outside, watching the birds. It was his favorite haunt.

Now…

“Why’d you say woof?” you asked abruptly, giving him a quizzical look. “I thought you were a cat.”

Yoongi shrugged, tearing his eyes away from the cat tree to give you an uninterested stare. “Thought it would surprise you more. You’ve heard meow for long enough.”

You furrowed your brow. “Why would you want to surprise me?”

He shrugged again. “I was bored.”

“… You were bored so you decided to sneak up and scare the shit out of me?”

He paused, black tail swishing back and forth, pointed ears perked. Then he nodded.

“Yup.”

Sigh.

-

You lugged in the huge cardboard box, Yoongi standing out of sight of the front door as you huffed and puffed with your weak arms. Okay, it wasn’t even that big, but it was quite heavy and you weren’t exactly John Cena. Your arms were about as strong as a bowl of overcooked ramyeon noodles and that was putting it kindly. You weren’t the working out type. People who worked out diligently were dog people. People who preferred sleeping as their primary workout regimen had cats. What were the kinds of people who had cat-men then? The kind of people who like sleeping, but also needed a…

(You already know the answer.)

Yoongi snapped the door closed the second you managed to pull it on far enough to do so.

“You look like a boiled dumpling,” he commented.

“At least I’m delicious food,” you wheezed, inspecting the box. You recognized the clothing brand. “Is this the stuff your ordered? How did it come so fast?”

“I selected next-day delivery.”

You paled.

“I need clothes as soon as possible, don’t I? Or should I go back to being naked, since you’re a pervert?”

You choked, ears burning. “I’m not a pervert!”

“Mhm.”

You tried not to think about the hit on your wallet as you grabbed your keys from the side table and opened the box, seeing all the plastic packages inside. Monotone, in white or black. Figures. You tipped the box to the side and the clothes spilled out, tumbling all over the floor. It took a firm shake to dump it all on the ground. You got on your hands and knees to spread them out, tossing the cardboard aside carelessly to shift through the items. Hopefully, Yoongi had read the listings and selected the correct sizes. From your brief glance, you noticed the tops were quite oversized. Maybe he liked that fit? He had been quite a fluffy cat.

You spotted the packing slip with all the prices listed. You fished it out and then heard a thunk-thunk-thunk, the sound of cardboard on hardwood. Huh?

You looked up to see Yoongi swatting the box around.

“What… are you doing?”

He shrugged. “Investigating.”

You blinked. “Investigating what?”

“Don’t know. I simply feel the need to investigate, thus I am doing so.”

You stared at Yoongi for several minutes as he continued to… uh, investigate (???) the cardboard box, holding it this way and that, smacking it around, watching the flaps bounce in the air as it rolled. His velvety ears perked upwards, sleek black tail swishing with interest.

His expression was completely neutral.

For the first time since becoming a human, you thought Yoongi was more cat than man.

“Uh… okay…”

You glimpsed down to the paper in your hands, seeing the total cost.

You felt the color drain out of your face.

My… wallet…

F in the chat.

You fainted.

-

You felt someone poking you in the head.

“Are you dead?”

You gasped and jerked up like a drown victim coming up for air, still in mild shock of the sudden financial hit of your cat becoming a man. It was okay. You weren’t poor. You just didn’t expect Yoongi to be a shopping like he owned a fucking black card.

“Did I spend too much?”

You snapped out of your stunned state at his soft tone. Yoongi wasn’t looking at you. He was kneeling on top of the pile of clothes, dark eyes on the paper in your shaking hands. With a start, you realized his words were heavy with guilt, his ears pointing downwards and tail tucked against the ground.

“No,” you said quickly, putting the receipt down. “No, Yoongi. I asked you to buy clothes, remember? And besides, it’s better for you to buy things you like and are interested in, rather than me wasting money on things you’ll never wear.”

He raised his head a little, eyes darting from your face to your hands.

You smiled at him, reaching up to pat his head and stroke the fur on his ears. “Hey, don’t worry. It’s only money. Money will never be more important to me than you, okay?”

For a second, you saw something flicker in Yoongi’s eyes. It was so fast that you barely caught it. Relief? Gratitude? Fondness? Then he ticked his head out of your hand, fair cheeks flushing pink.

“You… you don’t have to do that,” he muttered.

“O… oh.” For some reason, you felt a pang in your chest at his words. “R-right.”

Yoongi made eye contact with you, dark brown orbs guarded. He spoke quietly, without emotion.

“Do you wish this never happened?”

“What?” You furrowed your brows. “What do you mean?”

He gestured to himself, waving a hand up and down carelessly. “This. Human me.”

Human me.

You answered instantly.

“No.”

Yoongi gave you the disbelieving side-eye.

You let out a sheepish puff of air. “I always kind of wished you were human.” You scratched the back of your head aimlessly. “No one listened to me like you did. Even if I was having the shittest day of all time, you always made it better. You were the best cat ever.” You chuckled, smiling up at him. “Sure, your species changed, but you’re still the same, right?”

His eyes shifted, his cheeks still a light pink. “I’m still a cat,” he mumbled awkwardly.

You raised your brows. “Mhm, is that why you were playing with the box?”

“I wasn’t playing with the box,” Yoongi huffed, sounding insulted.

“Then I’ll break it down and recycle it.”

“No,” he snapped firmly. “It’s useful. We’re keeping it.”

“We don’t need a box, Yoongi.”

He tutted. “Hmph, humans. So wasteful. A perfectly good box should be reused.”

“Right.”

You tried to hide your laugh as Yoongi refused to look you in the eye.

-

You left Yoongi to examine his new wardrobe on the floor. You tried to pick them up but he stubbornly remained on the pile of clothes, not letting you move them. When you stood up to leave, you asked him when he was going to move – he replied with, "When it feels right", just cat things, you supposed – and hurried off to export the edited video you were working on earlier. The due date was today and you had to review it for quality.

A certain quality. 

A certain quality of... of... 

Needing the money.

Because your cat (man) had spent fat chunk of it on clothes, only to be more interested in the box they came in and sitting on said clothes rather than the actual items themselves. 

Sigh. 

-

"I ordered the wrong color."

"Oh?" you muttered distractedly, clocking on the export button. You'd been going cross-eyed for the past two or three hours – had it really been that long? shit – and checked your phone to see Gukmul, Seokjin's white sugar glider, peering up at the camera on a white fluffy blanket. You smiled, typing a response to praise his cuteness, completely ignoring the fact that Seokjin had also stuck his handsome face in the photo, smiling with a thumbs-up next to his pet. 

The reply was instant. 

hello, acknowledge my BEAUTIFUL FACE

You deliberately didn't answer right away to piss Seokjin off even more. 

"What's wrong with it?" you asked, looking up. 

Your jaw dropped. 

You dropped your phone. 

Yoongi, your cat-man with excellent reflexes, made absolutely no move to catch it. 

It smacked you in the calf and hit your toes – fucking ow, holy shit – before clattering to the floor. You had a protective phone case on it with a cute tuxedo cat graphic. The screen wouldn't crack with the protector on it. In this moment, however, you didn't give a shit about your smartphone, Kim Seokjin, or even the blinding pain in your foot. Nope. 

You were ogling at Min Yoongi in pink silk pajamas.

-

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to–

Oi!

No, don't you dare scroll past! You think you're clever or something?! Hm? Advertisements always happen at the most crucial parts, you say? 

This is just an ad? 

Look here, Lemona Vitamin C Powder can provide a lot of benefits, including providing natural energy and boosting your immune system in, say, a worldwide pandemic–

STOP TRYING TO SCROLL PAST!!!

-

Jeon Jungkook stared at his phone. 

At a very specific number. 

He put it down, sighing a little, looking out the window instead. It was a nice day, but he couldn't enjoy it the way it was meant to be enjoyed. Pandemic and all that. He frowned, looking at the urban jungle surrounding him. Had he made a mistake moving here to the big city? Sometimes he wondered. Back then, he had moved to finish school and pursue his ambitions. Back then, his choice had seemed full of opportunities, but now.

What did he have, really?

A tiny apartment with a kind and understanding landlord. The world at his fingertips from his computer. Still a decent amount of savings left. Online courses that he needed to finish to get his film degree. 

Loneliness.

He delved into his memories, smiling at the recollection of confused looks, awkward smiles, indignant huffs. So very unlike him to tease so much, but it was too fun and he hadn't felt the usual nervousness and shyness he had around others. There was something comforting about that smile, that apartment, and that fluffy tuxedo cat that loved to interrupt everything. 

He shouldn't have played it off.

He shouldn't have distracted.

Not after he admitted it.

"I like you."

Jungkook said it to the air, to the memory. So vivid that he reached out to touch those lips, but then it all disappeared, just like that. 

Ah.

He looked at the back of his phone, wondering. But now he was too nervous and shy to pick it up again. Why was that? When he was there, being seen by those surprised eyes, he could do and say shameless things. But far away, when he was alone, Jungkook was hesitating, suddenly afraid.

Sigh. 

-

You sneezed. 

Very loudly and jerking your head away from your cat-man in luxurious pink silk, jamming your nose into your elbow.

Yoongi raised an eyebrow. 

You sniffed, rubbing your nose. 

"Someone must be thinking about me..." you muttered. 

Yoongi looked down, plucking the collar of the pajamas. "The cotton shirts are the same size, but for some reason this one fits tighter. Why is that? Is there no regulated sizing in human fashion?"

Dude, be glad you're not a girl, you thought dryly. "Might be the fabric," you coughed distractedly. Distractedly because you were staring at quite possibly the most gorgeous man in the history of men and you stared at a lot of men in your short lifetime, so you had experienced eyeballs.

Wait. 

Man or cat-man?

Well, Yoongi was definitely the most gorgeous cat-man considering you were pretty sure there was only one in current existence.

His pointed ears stood straight up in interest, black hair messy from taking clothes on and off, fair cheeks and nose flushed pink, perhaps from physical exertion. Dark brown eyes sheepish, not quite looking at you. The black leather choker stood out on his neck, silver bell gleaming against his collarbones. The material was a mauve-pink silk, clinging to his lean body, showing off his shoulders and long limbs. The button-up shirt created a rather deep v-neckline, a sliver of pale chest visible. And his legs! His slim legs reminded you of a nimble dancer, ending in fuzzy black slippers. 

There was a weird lump in one of the pant legs, going down his thigh. 

Whoa. 

"W-Why did you pick them?" you tried to ask in the least awkward way possible, attempting – and failing – to not to stare at his delectable thighs. 

Yoongi shrugged. "They looked like the ones you have. I meant to get black, but I suppose I didn't read the listing closely enough. They're comfortable though," he mused before making a face. Your eyes bulged as there was a sudden jerk in his pants, creating a large tent in the crotch. 

Alarms sounded off in your head, arousal shooting up like a rocket. 

Oh. 

Oh??? 

Oh!!!!!!!

"My tail is stuck," Yoongi grunted, lowering the back of the pink silk pants. The sleek black cat tail slid out, swishing in the air, tent in his pants gone. 

Oh…

Right. The tail.

Because he's a cat... man.

Your inner thot was sad. Your dignity smacked you upside the head, highly disappointed in you for falling for that, then calmly shot down your arousal rocket with your shame. Oof.

"Can you show me how to sew so I can fix my own clothes from now on?" Yoongi asked as he readjusted the front of the silk shirt. 

You bent down to pick up your phone, trying to do something with your face and hands to disguise your embarrassment and burning ears. "Yeah, of course." You placed it on your desk and turned back to face him. 

Yoongi was right next to you. 

Literally so close that you could feel his body heat. 

"... Urk!"

You jumped in your seat, banging your knee against your desk and howling in pain, computer chair rolling and making you lose your balance, ass about to slip before Yoongi grabbed your chair and shoved it into the table, making you trip and fall back into the seat, head hitting the headrest a little too hard, seeing stars and rubber duckies for a second. 

Wait, were they rubber duckies? They were white and glittery, almost as if they were made from snow…

Yoongi slapped you in the face.

“Ow!”

You rubbed your cheek, blinking rapidly to clear your vision before glaring at him.

“Checking if you were alive,” was his placid response.

Alright, it wasn’t that hard, but the unexpectedness of it still hurt. You frowned, only for the pain to slowly melt away, quickly being replaced by something else as you realized Yoongi was still half-leaning over you, a knee on your computer gaming chair to prevent it from rolling. The sting in your knee was temporarily forgotten. Yoongi spoke again, his voice low and deep, almost a sensual purr.

“You hit yourself pretty hard.”

He doesn’t know what’s he’s doing. It’s just a coincidence. A kitty-incidence, Seokjin would say.

Your eyes widened as Yoongi closed in, peering at your unfocused gaze. Now you could see down his shirt. Holy shit. Were you so deprived that you were getting mad horny from seeing Yoongi’s fucking clavicle and sternum?

Is that even a question?

Yes.

Yes, you were.

“You look like you did last night.”

“What?” you breathed, still unabashedly looking down his shirt.

“Your pupils are dilated.”

You froze. His cool fingertips were on your neck.

“Heartrate increased.”

You wanted to pull back, say, no, wait, don’t do that, but Yoongi was too close and his exhale was too feathery, brushing against your lips, and you couldn’t move, trapped in your chair, between him wrapped in pink silk and your mind reeling, him still playing fucking doctor while you were trying not to jump his half-covered ass.

“And that smell.”

You finally tore your gaze away, eyes drifting up to his.

You swallowed.

“S… smell?”

Oh no.

Oh no, no, no.

Ohnoohshitwhatifhecansmellmypus–

Yoongi’s eyes narrowed, surveying you closely. He was so close you couldn’t see his lips, only his dark brown orbs. He didn’t say anything. He smelled like your soap, reminding you of his naked body pressed against you in the shower. Your heartbeat was leaping to your throat, threatening to choke you with your own horniness. Honestly, at this point, would you even be surprised?

You chuckled nervously, clinging onto your last shreds of self-preservation, which, admittedly, were rapidly yeeting out of your hands.

“Hahaha… but you’re… a cat… yeah?”

Right?

Seconds passed.

Right???

Minutes passed.

RIGHT???????

Yoongi’s lashes lowered, not quite looking at your eyes. Staring at your lips.

“I’m a man too,” he whispered softly.

Your eyes widened.

Yoongi kissed you.

You were so shocked that you swore your eyes nearly left your head.

It was a soft kiss, his eyes closed, tilting his head slightly to fit better against yours, pressing you back into your chair. Your head hit the headrest and you gasped, your tongue lightly flicking his lips and they parted, his own tongue sliding against yours, gentle licks, your brain malfunctioning, but body remembering, hands coming up to grab his shirt and yank him closer, pressing back against him. He backed up a little at your suddenness, exhaling hard. Your eyes snapped open, suddenly aware of how forceful you were.

Yoongi looked away, pointed black ears flicking back and forth uneasily.

You kissed your cat. Man. Cat-man.

He’s been a man for not even two days and you just tried to make out with him like a demented beast!

“A-ah, Yoongi, no, I’m so sorry, I-I… please, I didn’t mean to…” you stuttered, letting go of him quickly, but also not wanting to let go, but you should, your hands getting confused by your mental signals, repeatedly clasping and unclasping the pink silk, not realizing that he wasn’t even trying to move away.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” Yoongi said slowly.

You clutched his shirt, staring at your white knuckles, unable to look at him directly.

“I’m sorry, it’s just… you’re so handsome, but I’m your owner… and I cracked…”

“What you are is a desperate, sexually deprived human.”

You jerked your head up, seeing his unreadable expression. “I-It’s been over a year–”

All of a sudden, Yoongi lowered his knee and grabbed you by the ass, scooting you down on the rolling chair. You yelped at the swift movement, gasping as your crotch collided with his thigh, wincing as you heard the squelch of your panties jamming into your soaked core.

Yikes.

Welp, you can’t hide that shit now.

“You like things like this, don’t you?” Yoongi murmured.

Your cheeks heated. “T…Things like w-what…?”

Oh, you knew what. You knew very well what, but you also couldn’t form coherent sentences.

His fingers sank into your ass and he pressed you into his thigh, rolling it into your heat. The whines tore out of your throat involuntarily, grabbing his arm and staring up at him with shaking eyes, seeing his curious gaze looking down at you.

“B-But, Yoongi… I’m your o-owner,” you panted, resolve slipping with every second, your hips already rocking into his thigh, the slippery thin fabric doing nothing to hide his lean muscle, your own thighs clamping around his leg. “I’m supposed to t-take care of y-you…”

And last more than two days, fucking shit, get it together!

But you couldn’t get it together, especially not as Yoongi’s voice dropped to a lower octave, one side of his lips curving upwards.

“It’s a little different now, isn’t it?” he drawled softly, lashes lowering, eyebrows raising, his black hair darkening his gaze. “Since I am now capable to take care of you too.”

You whimpered, losing it.

Just started freely humping his leg, self-preservation completely gone. Did he even know what he was capable of, really? Did he have any idea what he could do? Surely not.

Surely, he had no idea how good he could make you feel.

Yoongi bit the side of his lip, frowning. “How will can I make it feel better? I’m only cop…” He trailed off, furry ears anxiously flicking.

You tugged on his arm, getting his attention. “Angle your leg a little more downwards… Y-Yeah, like that…” He did as you instructed, his thigh now pressing down on your clit and your rocking hips moving faster, clinging to his arm and setting your jaw, moaning at the added pleasure. “A-ah… yeah, fuck… yes, I c-can… like this…”

“You can what?” Yoongi breathed, watching your face closely, firmly holding the armrests of the chair so it wouldn’t slide.  

Your head tipped back a little, bucking harder into his thigh, so wet your juices were soaking through your leggings and drenching the pink silk, turning it darker, the strong scent of your sweet arousal clearly evident. Your eyes drifted to Yoongi’s dark orbs covered by black hair, vision hazy, noticing the slight inquisitive upturn of his upper lip. There was no point in hiding it anymore.

“Can cum, Yoongi, fuck, I’m going to cum…” you moaned, inhaling his scent, his presence, saying his name and looking up at him, the stimulation and touch of another enough to get you there, eyelids fluttering as your orgasm swept down, taking you away and filling you with serene satisfaction, crashing waves soaring through you, washing away the sand of your dry spell, a different kind of euphoria than when you were on your own, pulling Yoongi close, kissing him deeply, breathing hard.

“Y… Yoongi…”

“Was it nice?” he murmured. “Was I what you needed?”

“Yeah…” You kissed his soft lips again, semi-breathless. “I–” The wave of guilt came now, your words dropping, brows furrowing, a sharp pang in your chest. Rising, rising. Panic. Yoongi lowered his head, black hair and soft pointed ear rubbing against your eyebrow, nuzzling your cheek. Once. Twice. Again, headbutting you lightly, smoothing the worry away from your forehead, a small laugh bubbling from your throat.

“What are you doing?” you chuckled, patting his arm, smoothing out the wrinkles you had made while furiously humping him. Your eye caught the dark mark now on one of his thighs. Welp. You lasted less than ten minutes.

Pink pajama Yoongi was dangerous.

“You liked this,” he mumbled. “When you were upset.”

You chuckled, instinctively reaching up and caressing his velvety ear. “You were a little smaller then.”

“Only a little.”

He slowed until he came to a full stop, dark eye staring into yours, cheek to cheek.

“I have to look after you, my clumsy human.”

-

part iv

--

masterpost

[ohmiiigosh]

@forthehonorandtheglory said: "What were you thinking, running off like that?!” ( u____u -pushes a still shaken up Rise!Leo over- )

Protector / Protected Starter Meme (open)

Yet another attempt by the Foot Clan to steal some mystic do-thingy off a ship coming into New York's port meant another attempt by the turtle(s) to thwart them. Mikey was alone, on a Leo-approved solo mission when things quickly got out of hand.

It was unfair! They busted out explosive moves, literally. Little bombs raining down from above, Mikey dancing around them while taking out Foot ninjas. More and more the building threatened to cave in. Fighting broke off as the Foot Clan escaped with the artifact. Mikey made it out too, but as he looked back mid-chase his eyes glimpsed a stray cat scurrying into the building.

Feet dug into the ground to bring him to a halt. Cat or artifact? He made the split-second decision to go after the furry friend. The distant voice of his brother shouting at him to turn back didn't stop his charge. When did Leo get here? This was supposed to be HIS mission! Ugh. No time to be annoyed about it. The turtle dashed into the building.

"Pspspsps, heeeere kitty! Mikey's your friend. We gotta-" a beam crashing down interrupted him, "-we REALLY gotta scram!" Metal walls of the warehouse groaned from strain, struggling to support the roof and cranes suspended inside while missing a huge sections of foundation. Shrapnel littered the shipyard.

Frantic searching yielded results. The cat went back inside to get her baby and now they were trapped. Scooping them into his arms, Mikey dashed for the exit when the building's supports gave a final, bone chilling shriek.

It was coming down.

With no options left, Mikey turned and crouched, hugging the two creatures against his plastron. Chunks of cement battered his shell. A hollow crunch punctured the air and pain shot up the teens spine but he kept still, trying to weather it out.

Suddenly -- blinding blue light as a portal ripped itself open in front of him. A hand reached through and yanked the youngest out to safety on a rooftop nearby, right as the warehouse fully collapsed.

Another solo mission bust.

What were you thinking, running off like that?

Adrenaline pumped through his veins, boiling his blood. Everything ran hot. The edges of his vision whitened and blurred from overdosing on the body's natural Fight or Flight response. Mikey could barely hear the leaders lecturing over the piercing ringing in his skull.

"I-I . . . I just-" Unable to articulate, he loosened his hold so the mother cat and her baby could spring from his arms. He had to save them, Leo. Trembling hands reached back to pat his shell, fingers smoothing over its surface before finding a fracture.

Shock knocked out any strength left in his legs. The teen dead-weighed against Leo's side. "Don't . . . don't look."

He'd cracked his shell.

[dystopiandilfs]

Have you heard about the noxcrew hating dream thing going on what's your opinions on that I don't think they're bias or targeting dream

People's main points are pkw nerfing and funnel strat

The whole Noxcrew hating Dream or Targeting Dream thing is bullshit.

I totally understand why Noxcrew and some players don't like the funneling strat however I think it's 100% a valid strat and I do think that some people genuinely don't like it because of Dream which is fine, weird but fine. Yes the funneling strat can low-key ruin the essence of MCC which is teamwork however I do think Dream's method isn't pure funneling but feeding the hothand. Basically if Dream misses a lot or feels less confident he does share the arrows with anyone who feels confident enough to aim. Compare it to Punz who genuinely could have won 2 MCC's by now if he wasn't so desperate to hit a shot which is the downfall of his teams win. Dream knows when he's not doing well and he'll pass it to another person, for example he shared one arrow last MCC even through his Fruit tunnel vision. Multiple of his teammates have said that they're fine with Dream having the arrows in Dodgebolt and that he's said if they want to shoot, they can just ask. I think that if the whole team is fine with using the funnel strat and the order then it's fine but if they're not then it's not fine. I don't like the idea of limiting the time you can hold an arrow I feel like that could potentially ruin the whole event imo which is an idea Noxcrew had and it's what started the whole thing of Noxcrew being Dream antis in disguise.

The whole Dream being nerfed thing is such a stupid arguement, Dream has said multiple times that he doesn't care who he's teamed with as long as they are playing to win/want to win and will try their best, it's why he offered to coach the simmers, it's why he keeps on asking to be teamed with Niki and Sylvee. Also all S-Tier players get nerfed, Pete gets nerfed the hardest because he's the best overall player, Fruit gets nerfed by being put with the hermits (no shade to the hermits they have improved so much especially Grian), Hbomb who's not technically S tier gets nerfed by not being allowed to team with S tiers anymore, Sapnap recently got nerfed with his team since according to statistics the second best player was Sylvee (Absolute megachad MVP Sylvee) etc. Dream's been getting nerfed in multiple ways because his haven't been as extremely obvious as the other S tiers mostly due to some of his insane fans threatening Scott and Noxcrew.

The whole thing about Parkour Warrior being removed because of Dream used to be a meme that was started by Noxcrew and adopted by fans and other players as a joke but recently people started to take it as fact. Epic Landlord was the one incharge of changing Parkour Warrior to make it harder to complete, not to stop Dream. The only reason it was removed was because it was too repetitive and too many players were getting stuck in the same level whilst the same 6 people got to stage 7 and Dream completed it every time. They removed it to revamp and completely change it not because of Dream or their hatred towards him but because it needed to be changed. Yes it was Dream's best game but removing it wasn't a targeted attack on him. Dream completing Parkour Warrior in MCC11 is the reason his team made it to Dodgebolt (and won) so it got removed, The points in Survival games got changed because it got another team into Dodgebolt that wasn't in the running before the final game. That's how it works, if it's too overpowered, it gets changed or removed.

Dream jokes about Noxcrew bullying him over removing Parkour Warrior and "begs" for it back AS A JOKE and if some people fail to realise that, that's in them. Low-key high-key hypocritical of people to accuse anti's of not getting satire and jokes but doing the same thing. If you can't let a 22 Florida Man make jokes without taking them seriously then there's something wrong with you and you need to go and experience the real world for once.

Just to add this tweet from ITLW who literally was the one talking in the clip that went viral of "Noxcrew shitting on Dream" which is what started it, which is "funny" because Martyn isn't part of Noxcrew but the got the blame

[binxyu]

No one is perfect. That much is obvious. Even if some pretend they are, they never will be. You tried so hard to be perfect for Chan, not wanting him to know the truth about you. But, it turned out that maybe your heartbeat was a little more understanding than you originally thought.

>>Pairing: Christopher Bang x reader | boyfriend!chan x mentally ill!reader

>>Word Count: 1.5k

>>Genre: Oneshot / Angst

>>Warnings: Mental illnesses (anxiety, depression, and ED behaviors), profanity, and s*icide

Am I enough?

What do I have to live for?

Those are the questions that flooded your head every second of every day, but the answer was always the same.

Him. I live for him. Not me. Him.

You started dating Chan months ago. You were in a long distance relationship with him and he only saw the good parts of you. You never complained to him. You never showed him your problems. You wanted your relationship to be everything you’ve dreamed of.

Happy and healthy. That’s what you wanted.

Something you had never gotten before in your life. Happiness. True happiness.

Sure, Chan helped distract you from the pain you felt, but he could never heal you. No one could. No one had.

The person you showed on your phone when you two FaceTimed or when you would send wholesome memes to each other at 3 am was not you. That was your happy ego you made up. That was the young part of you that never worried about how ugly you looked, how useless you were, how stressful it was to wake up everyday, or how you could never trust anyone because everyone had broken you.

You could never show your boyfriend that. It would break him. He’d blame hisself like the others had. He’d bring it back on him and you’d feel guilty. Like you always had.

Maybe it was best you had yet to meet in real life. You had time to put a fake smile on if you called over the phone. You had time to put your guard up. In real life, you would never have the strength to keep that guard up.

Recently, everything had gone to shit. You made excuses every single day to avoid talking to Chan. It had been weeks since you called one another or sent those memes from before. You couldn’t pretend to be okay anymore.

I’m everything but okay.

I’m angry, depressed, anxious, starving, humiliated, and lonely.

But, I’m not fucking okay.

You held the gun to your head, ready to fucking end it all. You just wanted the pain to end. You never wanted to die.

You just didn’t want to live. You didn’t want to live this horrible life.

Tears went down your face as your finger started to pull the trigger, but you stopped when you heard your phone ringing.

Chan.

Fuck off.

It was like every single time you felt bad, he was there. It was like he could fucking sense it and he’s stopped you way too many times before.

You picked up the gun again, crying harder and trying to ignore the constant phone calls until you finally screamed in complete frustration and threw the gun. You fell to the ground in tears and finally picked up the call.

“Y/n?”, Chan asked and you tried your best to put your guard up, wiping your tears away and taking a deep breath.

“Oh hey Chan”, you heard a knock at your door and quickly went to hide the gun, shaking in panic.

“Open the door right now. I’ve heard everything”, you covered your mouth and started to cry again, feeling a panic attack start to build up as your vision slowly started to go white, “please y/n. Open the damn door” your boyfriend begged.

No. He’s going to see you. The real you.

The you that cried yourself to sleep every night. The you that fell asleep at their desk because they felt they had nothing more to live for besides work. The you that dedicated your life to helping others and making others happy because you ever wanted others to feel how you felt.

That’s who your boyfriend was going to see upon first meet. That’s the depressed, anxious, unhealthy, and exhausted person he’s going to meet. Not the bubbly, energetic, and, all around, happy person he fell in love with.

No, he wasn’t going to meet your fucking alter ego you made up. He was meeting you.

“Go away. You don’t want to come in. Believe me”, you breathed heavily and Chan gently knocked again before you heard him sigh on the phone.

“Fine, talk to me. Through the door”, you heard him slide down the door, his head resting against it.

“Chan. I’ve lied this whole fucking time. I’m not the person you fell in love with. I’m broken. I’m just empty”, you sat in front of the door and tried to catch your breath as the tears started to fall again.

“Y/n.... that’s bullshit. You are the person I fell in love with. Just because you’re having a bad time all of sudden doesn’t mean-“, you cut him off immediately.

“It’s not all of a sudden! It’s all the fucking time! My entire life I’ve felt like this. I’ve never been truly happy”, you slammed your head against the door, trying to distract yourself from the urge to just say ‘fuck it’ and do it. End it.

“Baby... I love you. No matter what. No matter what you’re going through. I’m here”, Chan promised and you just wanted him to leave. You wanted him to leave because you knew he’d leave just like everyone else.

Because I was never perfect.

I was never the person he fell for.

Never perfect.

Just a useless shell of a person.

“Fuck off. Go away”, you tried your best to get rid of him and hung up the phone, putting your face in your knees and crying.

Crying for the fifth time that day.

Why did I live for everyone but myself?

Why am I still here?

“I won’t leave until I know you’re okay”, he said loud enough for you to hear through the door.

The man you had always wanted to meet was right on the other side of your front door.

And, yet, you didn’t feel joy. You felt dread.

Not because of Chan, but because that’s all you did feel anymore.

He’s going to be here forever then. He’s the only reason I’m still breathing. The only reason my heart is still beating.

It literally beats only for him.

You chuckled at the horrible joke you made in your head and cried harder after you had, sobbing into your hands. Chan felt completely heartbroken as he listened to you through the door.

“You’re going to be here a while then. You might as well leave”, you shook your head and Chan called you again. You sighed before accepting the call and putting it on speaker.

“I’m not leaving you. Push me away all you want, but I’m not leaving you”, he promised.

Why do they all say that?

Why do they all lie?

“Everyone says that. Everyone lies”, you moved away from the door and towards the gun desperately. Desperately looking for a way out.

“I’m not. Let me in. Let me help you y/n”, Chan begged and you could hear his own tears when he heard the safety get clicked off the gun, “don’t do it. Please”. You brought your fist down onto your thigh that was already covered in the bruises that you gave yourself in a desperate attempt to distract yourself from the pain.

You pulled the trigger.

Chan had never cried harder in his life.

You were gone. The love of his life was gone.

Just like that.

Asshole. You can never let me give up.

You opened the door and Chan almost fell through, but he caught himself. He looked up, tears staining his cheeks as he looked at you.

“I shot the wall”, you sat down beside him and let him take everything in.

It was the first time Chan really saw you.

How your skin was sunken in due to months of not caring enough to eat and how food was the only thing you could control in your life. How there were bags under your eyes from nights of not sleeping. How bruises littered your body from nights of punching and scratching at your skin for a pain that wasn’t mental. You looked like shit.

And, yet, he smiled. A small one. But, he smiled.

“You’re alive”, Chan sobbed and wrapped his arms around your frail body, being careful not to hurt you. You gulped, unsure of how to respond to the affection. You had never been showed love in real life. You were always just a toy to everyone.

“Yeah”, you simply responded and slowly wrapped your arms around him too. Both of you just crying in each other’s arms.

“Never leave me. Talk to me”, easier said than done, but you guessed if he had stayed after all that then he meant it.

“I’ll try my best”, you whispered and just held onto him tighter.

“But, I’m not perfect Chan. Don’t you want someone perfect? Like you?”, you felt completely like a bother as you spoke. You lied to him for months and practically pretended to be someone else.

“No. I want you. No one is perfect baby”, he reassured and you sighed.

Yeah, no one is perfect until you find someone better and go to them instead.

Until you leave me just like everyone else.

Until my heartbeat leaves me.

“Yeah. I guess”.

[bitegore]

2 for the fic ask meme, for any of your fics bc I’m so curious about like all of them.

2. How did you get the idea to write this?

There's three different methods that lead to me coming up with an idea and all of them are spawned by someone else, pretty much.

1 - Almost always - someone said something, and I decided to run with it. Almost every fic I've ever written is crack treated seriously, in common parlance, because I'm a fucking sucker for humor and I can't see any reason why (for example) "lmaoooooo wouldn't it be funny if vortex dedcided to get back at onslaught by playing such opaque power games that literally no one involved but him knows what he's even doing" and "lmaooooooooo wouldn't it be funny if the evil helicopter got in trouble for capturing and working over optimus prime because megatron is obsessed with him" -> this is a serious smut fic i'm actually working on that i don't intend to be a joke in any real sense. So that's probably 3/4ths of my various bodies of work right there, springboarded off random shit other people say because I'm really not that creative in a vacuum (because no one is!)

A wip like that would be the Wildrider/Brawl Movie Nights fic that i keep mentioning offhandedly and not posting anywhere because it's not done. The two combiner punchydudes who get no spotlight have a running movie night hangout session, that's the entire joke, that's fucking funny. it's so normal it's humorous.

....and then i think about it because it's funny as all get out to me, and i tell people and they say things that make it funnier to me, and i go "but wildrider can't sit still, i do not believe he can watch movies", and "well, they're actually both pretty confident in their positions and not insecure unlike basically every other decepticon ever, so they can actually get along" and "while wildrider is constantly doing stuff he's actually pretty fucking chill," and "they both like explosions" and "they probably share a taste in movies" and then next thing I knew i had 2000 words in a google document.

and THEN i started thinking about how much Motormaster (beloved control freak, absolute asshole<3) would hate that not only was Wildrider hanging out with Starscream's shitty combiner team but he's also hanging out with the (to his eyes) literal bottom tier most utterly pointless guy in the entire faction who is completely useless for anything other than being a big gun and who has NO ambitions and is going to corrupt his crazy punchydude who at least does stuff sometimes. and that was ALSO really funny to me so i added it. and then I thought about how Vortex is inconsistent but loves causing problems for people and I added it. and now Wildrider and Brawl get together to set off fireworks in the driveway, get drunk, kick over some squishy towns for kicks, and watch about 30 seconds of a movie together during an allotted timespan while the other Combaticons give Motormaster a hard time because they think it's funny and he won't properly leave until he has Wildrider back because he may have agreed to let them have a few hours of hangout time but that doesn't mean he likes it and neither Brawl nor Wildrider have any intention to let him supervise

and of couse this is funny as all get out to me in sum. Terrible guys (affectionate) having good clean fun in the Decepticon Army, as they should.

2 - The others are essentially just me shining a light on some corner of a character I feel like has been ignored. Usually those ones are way shorter. Basically all my drabbles are just "think about this character in some way you haven't yet". It goes further, though, there's like. My fucking magnum opus that I never shut up about because I've never Achieved The Vision so clearly ever again, we became such strangers now, fading out, was me holding up springer and impactor and going "you two are closer to each other than you think you are, now make friends" (and, like all my other fics, spawned from someone else saying something - in this case @honestlyvan, whom is possessed of all the best wreckers takes imo, pretty much handed me this one on a platter and helped me beat it into shape). That's like 3k words long. Ditto for what do you do in the house of flies?, where i just shamelessly gave Vortex my own brain problems and also gave Onslaught some very different brain problems and made them Talk. That's a little under 4.5k. I can't think of any wips that are like this, really, not from the spawning point at least, but that's mostly because I usually just crank those fuckers out as fast as possible or give up NO i'm wrong. i'm wrong!

I have a wip like that. It's tentatively titled "something something metal bones" because I hate titles. The entire fic is a character study of Bulkhead of Transformers: Prime, set on the backdrop of him walking through an ancient, abandoned factory under Tyger Pax on Cybertron during the hotter parts of the war in TFP, trying to strip parts out of the ground to repair his ship so he can get the fuck out with his unconscious pilot buddy. The point of it is thus - the factory is trapped in an eternal twilight, because everyone fucked off or died without turning it off, and it's just going and going forever without end until someone turns it off because it's a part of Cybertron and it's not going to run out of fuel or anything. It's falling into ill repair, and the last time anyone living laid eyes on it was centuries ago, and Bulkhead, who used to work in a place like this, knows exactly how unloved and neglected this place has been. And he can't fix it. He has things that need to be done. Instead the best he can do is turn everything off before he leaves, giving it a final rest. It's also an extended allegory for his fears about the war, especially by the time of TFP, because I like my parallels too much and everything has to be everything else. And the other point of it is thus: despite the pressing unease and how fucking sad this is, Bulkhead is still stripping parts out of the ground because he has more important things to do. He's not fixing it, and he's not even going to try, because he's more pragmatic than all that and he knows how to prioritize better than another character might. He's got the necessary callouses to let him move on despite the fact that he's like uniquely positioned to be the fucking saddest about this out of everyone i've written, because this is like walking into his childhood home and seeing that it's rotting and falling apart at every seam, and choosing not to do anything to it except rip some of the flooring up and hit the road.

......i need to finish that one too but i want it to be good and it's hard to write things well sdjfjsdhfl. one day i'll finish and post it and it'll make everyone cry.

3 - And, finally, sometimes someone says something to me and it just is DRENCHED in dramatic irony, absolutely clotted and choking with irony where you know something but the character doesn't and OUGH but if they only knew...

and I write the FUCK outta those things because I love irony. That's the last subset. It goes hand in hand with the other two, though; I think it'd be more accurate to say that a hefty serving of irony is necessary for me to care about an idea, but if an idea isn't a joke and it isn't some side facet of a character no one else is talking about I'll still be invested if it's ironic enough.

(also this isn't an "ironic enjoyment" kind of thing like. i am not saying sincerity is bad, i like sincerity, i love when you have to dig it out of a character with a hammer and a chisel and a pair of tweezers and it hurts the whole way up. i am very unironic about the things i like.I like it as a plot element, not a lifestyle, i'm not one of Those MFs.)

Questions can be found here :D