#literally the cello cured me

[lenskij]

playing in an ensemble makes brain go brrr

[art-eat3r]

Can you give me music recs :p

Always pooks :3

Literally any Depeche Mode song- my fav is Blasphemous Rumors but Enjoy the Silence is really good too

Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division (any song by them or New Order)

The Bela Session - Bauhaus

Cocteau Twins

ANY THE CURE ALBUM!!!

Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon is a good beginner album but my fav is Wish You Were Here or Meddle

NOW FOR CLASSICAL!!!

Shostakovich String Quartets, I like No.8

Rachmanioff Piano Concertos (1-3)

Elgar Cello Concerto

Carmen Suite- Bizet

Mendelssohn Violin Concerto

I have so many but this is all I can think of rn

[necropticon]

I'm aware that 'psychopathy' is no longer an actual diagnosis that anyone receives in modern times. The closest modern diagnosis might be 'antisocial personality disorder'.

but this is actually incredibly interesting to me, because the mechanism makes a lot of sense.

In my childhood, I learned very early that displaying fear around other people would lead to them jumping like hungry vultures at the opportunity to tear someone lesser apart, and make the fear and pain worse. So... I suppressed it completely, very early. A fear response in a certain situation shows other people in what ways you are vulnerable.

So I refused to empathize with other people's fears. I'd still help my friends, because it's a rational choice. but I also learned how eager that so many people are to betray another. So I protect myself from that by refusing to form a bond with anyone. Even the people closest to me eventually betrayed me, so I just stop giving real information to people.

Recently, over the past several years... I've been working to actually get over this 'block', because I am realizing how much better life is with genuine closeness. but I still believe that I have good reason to distrust many different people - especially therapist shitheads who strive to make money off their bullshit 'cures'. Go to hell, all of you.

I'll create myself as myself.

I saw vulnerable people as liabilities, because they're liable to just run off and spread information to someone who could use it against me. Tough world.

In years past, I used to describe human society as some kind of massive, pained, grotesque orgy of people hurting eachother, and in turn hurting another so that the newcomer can 'understand their pain'. Sometimes I wanted to kill it off as the root -- cleanse all society of this pain instead of spreading it out like mercury and lead which subfuse and accumulate throughout the ecosystem - hoping that the dispersion will filter this poison out by gradual process. NO! I refuse to feel what your parents did to you. Die in your own grave. I will not go with you.

but yeah, I think it can be a rational choice in this competitive and predatory world, but it's up to choice.

A brain can develop according to what an organism does. If someone practices cello, they will gain finer motor control of their fingers, and their brain will change accordingly. The same if someone chooses to consciously imagine how another person might be feeling, and how they would feel in different possible futures... their 'emotional skills' will develop like a muscle being strengthened. One has to make this conscious choice - and choose how to continue the process as it's happening. It's not a lazy skill, and it's not always automatic. Sometimes one must really sit there and think for twenty minutes about this type of thing.

alllsooo... I think it's a good idea to learn how to differentiate between people. I spent my teenage years literally as a fucking hermit because everyone and everything just felt so dirty and ugly and stained with generational abuse, ugly lies and false pride covering up people's pathetic insecurities. Even the bureaucracy was full of these pathetically-insecure people. So the only place I had to turn to was myself, because everyone else was lying to eachother and to themselves.

That's how I felt.

I find it poignant how a young woman can be encouraged to engage in the basest sort of cruelty - as long as you say it's in the name of kindness and equality. I find it annoying how people online feel so entitled to personal information about random bloggers -- (age? race? gender? sexuality? country of origin?) -- and they say it's for 'equality reasons' -- to determine if you're "qualified" to speak about certain topics or not, even if it's just in the realm of personal opinion. and if they think a person is "stepping out of their line", then they'll flood them with harassment. It's so counterproductive. A bunch of lonely losers harassing eachother to feel like they're "fighting the righteous fight" -- instead of actually organizing politically. Exactly what the powers-that-be will benefit from, conveniently...

Some people have told me I have a huge tolerance for 'cruelty' - things that might seem hurtful to someone else barely register as anything to me because they are just so commonplace in life for me, and I partake and give back an equal hand of cruelty so I'm not a poor victim. Conversely, other people tell me that I'm way too sensitive. I do snap suddenly and go right off the handle, and I rarely accept apologies. I choose who to trust based on experience, not 'what people say'. Most people lie at one time or another, and they often believe that some forms of lying are polite. I will never claim to tell the truth. I'm not morally-better. the good old Liar's Paradox.

[kunikidas-lost-glasses]

Songs/Bands and Artists I like which I think some of my favorite BSD characters would listen to, mixed with some headcanons about them but my music taste is all over the place and I have no real favorite genre

Chuuya:

Maneskin

ABBA (He and Dazai dance to ABBA since they were teens)

Taylor Swift

Doja Cat

Cigarettes After Sex

Out of Touch by Hall & Oates

The Smashing Pumpkins

Happier than ever by Billie Eilish

Go Hard (La.La.La) by Kreayshawn

He only listens to Mitski when he's drunk and thinking about Dazai

Dazai:

The Smiths

Mitski

ABBA (He and Chuuya dance to ABBA since they were teens)

Cavetown

Melanie Martinez

I think I'm gonna kill myself by Elton John

Maybe he liked listening to the Gorillaz when he was a teen

Girl in Red

TV Girl

TOP

In my head by bedroom

Billie Eilish

Oulala by Vunderbar

Bimbo Doll by Tila Tsoli

I don't know how to love by the drums

Lady Gaga

Shibusawa:

Bernadette and I come with Knives by IAMX

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark

Swimming Pool by Marie Madeleine

Classical Music but he doesn't pays much attention to composers so he listens to a bunch of composers mixed together

Little Dark Age by MGMT

Electroforez

Hollow by Mr.Kitty

Freakshow by Punkinlove

Sigma:

Lady Gaga

Heart for Brains and I can't handle change by Roar

The Greatest and Chandelier by Sia

Mitski

MARINA

Cavetown

Melanie Martinez

Queen

Puttin on the Ritz by Taco

Greedy by O3eo

The Drums

Icicles by The Scary Jokes

dreamcore by Pathetic

Tchaikovsky

Hug me by Pharrell Williams and Trey Parker

Le Festin from the Ratatouille soundtrack

ABBA

Fyodor:

Tchaikovsky and a bunch of other composers like Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin, Brahms and newer classical music but Tchaikovsky is his absolute favorite and he can play a lot of his songs on his cello. He usually does this to calm down or get his head a bit free of all the overwhelming thoughts

ABBA

IC3PEAK

I come with knives and Bernadette by IAMX

Molchat Doma

Swimming Pool by Marie Madeline

Electroforez

Black No.1 (Little Miss Scare All) by Type O Negative

Who is she? by I Monster

No 13 Dance of the Knights by Sergei Sergeyevich Prokofiev

никогда by руслан утюг (because of Nikolai and a special memory aka this headcanon by me)

I just know that he would listen to gospel choir songs and church music but I personally don't listen to it

Nikolai:

Bernadette and Animal Impulses by IAMX

Lady Gaga

IC3PEAK

песня без слов and перемен by Kino

Imma Kill U by Insane Clown Posse

Butch 4 Butch and Inarticulation by Rio Romeo

Princess Castle, Yandere and Hello Kitty by Jazmine Bean

мы by дайте танк (!)

никогда by руслан утюг

бiблiотека by колос

Electroforez

Melanie Martinez

Gallery Piece by Of Montreal

Where's Your Head At by Basement Jaxx

The Smiths

Blow my Brains out by Tikkle Me

Queen

Marry by Alex G

Hurra Hurra die Schule brennt by Extrabreit (A old german song. The title means Hooray Hooray the school is burning and it's literally about some girls burning down the school. It's not brutal thought. It's a bit comedic)

Mircochip by Oliver Buckhard

Küss Mich by In Extremo (Another German song. The title means kiss me and it's about obsessive love)

Literally anything he likes. He has no favorite genres

Edgar Allan Poe:

Mareux

Queen

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark

Cavetown

ABBA

The Cure (He probably loves The Lullaby the most)

Black No.1 (Little Miss Scare All) by Type O Negative

Mushitaro:

Queen (Because of his boyfriends Poe and Ranpo who always listen to Queen)

ABBA

Mitski

Elvis Presley

Murder in my Mind by Kohedell

Bram:

The Smashing Pumpkins

ABBA

The Cure

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark

Vampire Smile by Kyla la Grange

Mixed classical music

Hug me by Pharrell Williams and Trey Parker (Aya made him listen to it)

The Smiths

80s music

So This Is Love from Cinderella by Ilene Woods and Mike Douglas (He often thinks of his old friend Lovecraft while listening to it but always scolds himself when he realises. Who can blame him tho. It's easy to think about old feelings when you aren't exactly able to do things on your own and usually lie around)

Genesis by Grimes

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

okay, one more shitpost before i log off because 400 things happened in my life today and idk if i can do much besides shout silly goofy things i think of into the tumblr void so here are some sonic characters as artists i associate them with! these aren't like headcanon singing voices it's just a thing my brain does, i'll make that post when i have a functioning brain. anyways...

sonic: artist vs poet

knuckles: kanye west

tails: owl city

amy: literally any rachel berry song in glee but in a good way

big the cat: waterparks idk don't ask

cream: kelly clarkson but like, the good shit. breakaway, my december... yeah. or clairo

rouge: megan thee stallion and other girlboss rappers but not Cardigan Bin i aint doin my bestie dirty like that

shadow: bruno major and not to be basic but mcr

omega: three days grace once again don't ask

espio: falling in reverse but also anything with ronnie i just made a post on this

vector: this might be controversial because he is a canonical music lover but i'm definitely getting classic jazz from him just as a whole

charmy: hmmcmdkdkddk 100gecs 💀

ray: that one dancing in my room song but also baby emo vibes like fall out boy and medium p!atd (pretty odd and doab vibes specifically)

mighty: hollywood undead or 3oh!3 ik he's a sweetheart but i give him a pass to like misogyny music because it does slap ngl

metal sonic: mother mother 🤭 do with this what you will

vanilla: abba or fleetwood mac but also sex pistols as a nancy spungen defender

jet: PIERCE THE VEIL ALL THE WAY

wave: penelope scott but she could definitely pull a paramore or new years day if she wanted. but also i hc her as a percussionist so also rush (RIP neil i love u so much). also doja and rico nasty and willow ok i need to stop picking favES ANYWAYS—

storm: the piano guys because he radiates cello energy

infinite: bring me the horizon i do not take criticism on this one

silver: ... ben platt BUT NOT JUST DEH STUFF LIKE, BEN'S MUSIC TOO and also undertale fan music

blaze: mitski... look i don't make the rules yes i do

eggman: definitely queen but also wham! and listens to the entire make it big album specifically for the interlude for that version of careless whispers (fave track is heartbeat tho)

mephiles: matt maltese and asking alexandria simultaneously

scourge: the cure and hyperaptive

bean: front bottoms but i can't explain why i'm sorry

cosmo: MITSKI LIKE BLAZE THEY CAN TWIN but also the macrobats

marine: florence + the machine

tikal: hozier but also dodie for some reason

fang: ...mccafferty

bark: arctic monkeys and this isn't because polar bear he just radiates those vibes

honey: banshee 🥰

shade: evanescence and i'll elaborate if someone reminds me

maria: girl in red

sticks: definitely stans gaga i don't make the rules yes i do i need to stop saying this

PS: i can't tag every character so i didn't tag sonic knuckles or shadow since their tags get a little more love so if you're seeing this bc i tagged your underrated fave i wanna say ily and i'm gonna try making more content for underrepresented characters and ships so if you ever have a rare request please lmk!!!🥺 i know what it's like to fave a lesser known or liked character so i've gotchu!!! and if your fave wasn't here like maybe helen or comedy chimp or lumina or merlina or whoever i can always make a part 2 because trust me, i have songs for everyone :")

[joonietonin]

Ethan Ramsey- Sugar & Ice (Analysis #2)

Hi! I’m back with another in-depth analysis about Chapter 5 and well, I am very very late! Sorry, it took me so long to write this up, I had been sick these past few days. Anyway, something that I am always in awe of, is how well-written a character, Ethan Ramsey is? I do not think there is another character/LI who has even come close to the amount of depth and progression that Ethan has had over the last few chapters and of course, throughout Book 1. So here I am analyzing Ethan all over again because, damn, this man has had the best character development in the Choices universe. Hold on tight because this is gonna be a longgggggg ride. (Literally, it's the longest post I have ever written so far!)

Note: This is an analysis based on my thoughts and interpretation of a character owned by Pixelberry Studios. My MC is female, pronouns: she/her. I will be writing this post from her perspective. If your MC is male or non-binary, I request you to change the pronouns accordingly. I will be working towards bettering my writing skills using they/them pronouns. English is not my primary language, kindly pardon my mistakes.

Taglist: @choicesyouplayandmore @freeasafishinthesea @openheart12 @junehiratas @lion-ess24 @junggoku @silverlitskies @paulfwesley @mrsdr-ethan-ramsey @reaverisabitch @binny1985 @binny1985 @desmaranj @lilyvalentine @soft-for-drake @mangoruby @mrsmatsuo

Let's start off how interesting it is that the first time I wrote about this man, it took me 13 chapters to really assess his depth and development and now in Book 2, it barely took 2 Chapters to provide a in-depth analysis. Yes, character development is key but the time span within which one grows is equally important.

• Ethan, then and now: Ethan, with his hardass, no bullshit and stoic persona is a man with strong opinions. And rightfully so, a person who is around 8-9 years your senior is bound to have more experience- be it in their professional field or their general life experiences. Ethan has always had this strong set of beliefs that were impossible to change, unless you were MC of course. Before Ethan even knew what was happening, MC had already started to infiltrate his steel walls going right towards his heart. MC may be a dumbass but she’s not illogical. I believe that her straightforwardness has always been the reason for Ethan to be drawn towards her. Throughout his whole career, he has only seen these insipid, incompetent people sucking up to him expecting that they would step up in their career. Then came MC, who was never afraid to go against the rules if it meant the well-being of her patients. She proved to him that she was indeed the “someone who could be great, truly” as Ethan had told her in Chapter 5 of Book 1. Ethan supported her at all instances because he had so much of faith in her, even if he did not show it outright.

• MC, a silver lining: For MC, Edenbrook was never entirely about money. So when Ethan tells her about the government deciding to cut down costs of Edenbrook, depending upon your interaction, the last thing MC is worried about is money. Since then she has done everything in her power to prevent that from happening. When that didn’t work, she discovered another path that could potentially save the hospital.

• To be or not to be, morality edition: And even though she anticipated what Ethan would think about the idea, she still took her chances to let Ethan know about this opportunity that could probably put Edenbrook back in the top ranks. And obviously, the hardass Ethan refused. But what’s interesting here is how calmly Ethan reacted. He did not shout, he did not jeer at her. He responded calmly with a simple no. Even when a furious MC charged him for the reason to refute her idea, he simply said that it would ruin the actual purpose of the diagnostics team- which was never meant to cater the rich, rather help those who were truly in need. And even though his intentions were morally correct and heartfelt, MC knew that this wasn’t the time to play with a moral compass.

• Ethan, the "professional": So MC did what she always does: go beyond the rules. She did what Ethan had once told her- “to stand up for what’s right”. So she went behind Ethan’s back and contacted the Instagram celeb Gwyneth Paltrow Monroe and Ethan was obviously furious when he found the whole camera set up in the hospital. And what seems like forever, Ethan regards her as 'Rookie' but this time it is not endearing. MC tries to justify her actions but Ethan, in his classic Dr. Ramsey style, shuts her out and tells her that they had more pressing matters in their hands aka the patient. But, but.. he does not shut her out completely, he says “We’ll talk about this later.” Now if this were the old Ethan Ramsey he wouldn’t have bothered even once to hear anybody’s justification for a matter of fact. But now, Ethan wants to listen to her. He wants to work out their differences. He does not want to leave this matter hanging. He does not want to cut her off due to professional disagreements. Even though Ethan claims that there is nothing but professionalism between them but his actions contradict his words. His actions show that he is truly trying to make things work between them. Ethan might say it's purely professional but I do not believe him one bit (lol).

• Ethan Ramsey is really a softie huh: Even though Ethan is super annoyed at the entire situation, somewhere down the line, he does believe that MC can handle this. He tells her to lead the case. And of course, his snarky remarks are back but this time it's for poor Gwyneth. In an earlier analysis I had stated how Ethan's snarky remarks towards MC had lessened significantly and it still holds true. Instead of berating MC for going behind his back, he handles it with a certain amount of softness. Well, at least when we compare it to how he deals with others in the same situation. So what I really want to say is: Ethan Ramsey is a softie, but only for MC.

• Diligence- 1 Annoyance-0: He is very annoyed and is willing to solve this case as immediately as possible but that does not make him indifferent towards the case. His annoyance does not make him lack diligence. He still gives his 100% towards this case. This shows how diligent Ethan is. No wonder, he's the best diagnostician in the country. He treats all his patients with the same reverence even if some (read: most) get on his nerves. Ethan seems like a cold person with no emotions but the truth is that he cares so much about certain people. The biggest reason Ethan was so annoyed by this high profile case was because the diagnostics team lost a chance to cure a underprivileged patient who needed the help much more than Gwyneth. Despite being a filthy rich person himself, he is not a snob. He has so much concern for the people who cannot afford good healthcare. He cares deeply about the regular people of his community. Yet, that does not make his shy away from his duties towards his current patient.

• Just millennial things: Going back to my previous point, Ethan is really diligent towards his work even if it means doing things he absolutely loathes... like social media. I mean, yes he hasn't seen IT. Yes, he hates texting. Yes, he is technologically impaired. Yes, he does not know how to sign up for Instagram despite being one of the best doctors in the entire world who could cure almost anything. So who does he turn to? MC, obviously. Do we really think he'd ask anybody else in this entire world to help him out with social media. Oh hell no. (Yes, I'm trying to say that MC is special) And cue: the playful banter is back. Something I always relish about Ethan × MC scenes is that their playful banter never stops no matter how tense things are between them. It's some married couple shit right there. From "I'll have you know, I'm only 37. I'm technically a millennial" to "To be clear, we're doing this under one condition. You never speak of it to anyone", let's just say Ethan Ramsey does not share that comfort level with anybody else in this entire world than MC. MC is truly 'the one' for him.

• Ethan and the internet: So here's a two part horror story, the Ethan Ramsey edition- Ethan is terrified of the internet. He does not understand how there are shirtless pictures of him on the internet. Yet, it is really wholesome how we get to know the backstory of most of those pictures. Be it wearing a suit to the A.M.A where he was awarded or when he went shirtless for his first triathlon. It's very very cute that he willingly share these little details about his life. He wants MC to know little things about him. He wants her to be a part of his life even if he claims that there is nothing but professionalism between them (yeah, right) He opened up about how much he loved living in Providence and how he would never have liked any other place for growing up. He revealed his vulnerabilities to MC about how people did not take him seriously and how adults and teachers who undermine him. He trusts MC enough to confide in her and letting her know all these small details which, perhaps, nobody knows except her. Not even Naveen, I presume. Also, please note how a major part of all the information we know about Ethan is because of his Dad. But Ethan willingly sharing details about him to MC? chef's kiss

• Music, Motorcycles and Marriage: Initially Ethan does not understand the point of social media and why so many people would use this "junk". But when MC explains to him how social media helps people connect or how fun it could be for so many people, Ethan does not retort her. He takes and minute to think about her perspective and then accepts with her view. While choosing his interests, we get to know very fond and personal details about Ethan no matter which option we chose.

While talking about Music, Ethan mentions his childhood memories of playing the cello and how his neighbour hated it and broke his cello and also gives a hint towards his mischievous side and the incredible revenge he got on his neighbour.

The Motorcycle was absolutely beautiful. Ethan let's MC know that the first time he took a bike ride was in Brazil (Amazon Rainforest) where he had gone to... well, in layman's terms- get over MC. As eloquent as he is, he describes all the emotions he felt as he rode across his bike along the Amazon River. It's a rare occurrence to see Ethan talk about his feelings therefore it is really wholesome that he would share those intricate details with MC. But the best part of this option had to be when MC demands Ethan to take her on a bike ride in the Amazons some day. Now, for a man who claims that him and MC are "reset" and are "nothing but professionals", it's quite hilarious but very cute that he replied with, "I look forward to it" This statement of his is almost like a foreshadowing of his and MC's future. Even though they're in a tough spot right now, they could always look forward to the future where things might (read: will) change for them.

The option Marriage led to a low-key romantic moment between him and MC. Ethan "love is just neurochemical responses to heightened stress and frequent exposure to each other" Ramsey obviously tells her that he understands marriage as a partnership rather than a meaningful institution. He also states that he does not believe in the concept of soulmates because there is no biological basis to support that. MC simply explains to him that, "It's love, Ethan. It doesn't have to make sense." And Ethan, in his classic 'everything has a scientific explanation' way grins and states, "I'm sorry, no, everything has to make sense." He straight up asks MC the age old question: "How are you supposed to know that you've met the right person?" And almost immediately his smug mouth is shut when MC simply replies with a "I guess, you just feel it. Isn't that biology?" He gazes deeply into her eyes and forgets himself for a moment thinking about how relevant her words are to whatever he feels for her.Deep inside, Ethan knows that he has met the right person, rather THE person.What I'm trying to say is- Yes, Ethan knows that they are soulmates and even though he won’t accept it now but man, he is whipped.

• Ethan's first, last and only: It's adorable that Ethan let's MC make his first post on behalf of him. MC might be the only person in this entire world who has so much hold over Ethan. It is funny because Ethan is MC's boss in the streets but MC in Ethan's boss in the sheets when it comes to personal moments. I think the highlight of the scene was definitely when Ethan follows MC on Instagram. She jokes about it claiming,"Wow, what an honour, I'm humbled." but Ethan deadass let's her know,"You should be. My first, last and only Instagram friend." Again, I think it's a subtle foreshadowing of their future. In real life, technically MC truly one of Ethan's best friends besides being a LI. But I think this statement will hold much more meaning in the future, given the fact that somewhere deep inside Ethan does know that him and MC are soulmates, no matter how much he denies it.

• True feelings and acceptance: We all know Ethan is not the one to back down on his opinions. But often more than not, he really does give a thought about MC's actions and always tries to understand her perspective of it. Yes, it does take him some time to come around but he always comes back to her. When MC tries to justify her actions this second time, Ethan cuts her off- not because he does not want to hear it, but because he has finally understood her point of view.

Another very important detail in this scene, personally my favourite detail, is how this time around he addresses MC by her name. At the start of the chapter he addressed MC as 'Rookie' which symbolised his disappointment over what he feels is a mistake on MC's part. He establishes his seniority over her letting her know that him and MC are not equals. This second time around, he addresses her by name because he has finally come around to understand that MC is really not a 'rookie' anymore. She isn't a resident either. Ethan now saw her as a colleague, someone who was his equal.. his peer.

Ethan rarely accepts his mistakes, because let's be real, this man was practically emotionally inept before MC came around. The whole concept of apology and acceptance is complicated for him. But he is not worried to own up to his mistakes in front of MC. Ethan let's her know that they are bound to disagree over things because they were peers. Knowing her thoughts, even if they contradicted his, helped Ethan see MC in a truer light. When MC worries whether that light is a bad one, he is quick to reassure her that it is a 'complicated' one. This mirrors his feelings about their relationship too, how he can never be entirely professional with her neither could he ever give her the love and warmth he wants to. He tells MC that her perspective does help him to see situations as they really are instead of what he perceives them to be. He ends this declaration of his feelings with, "I want to know you, as you are." My heart goes warm thinking about how much he cares for her and how he'd rather have disagreements with her than force her to be something that she is not. He wants her be just the way she is. He wants to know the real MC, the one who does not shy away from doing what's right rather than doing what's moral and ethical.

• MC x Ethan, the unstoppable force: Lastly, can we all agree that MC and Ethan make a hell of a great team? Even if we put their love life aside, they just absolutely smash it out of the park when it comes to them solving cases together. As they sit together researching about their patient, we see how well coordinated they are. It's almost like, each one knows exactly what the other person is thinking. They are like medical Jedis. Ethan always worries about how if they were to pursue a real relationship, it would be hard for him to push her to do her best.. but the truth is right in front of us. Despite their playful banters, stolen glances, innocent touches and plans about their future, Ethan always pushes MC to evaluate the information and reveal the diagnosis. It would take Ethan 2 minutes to do it himself but as her mentor he constantly helps her get better at providing fast diagnosis. Also, Ethan never ever shies away from giving MC her due credit and appreciation. Getting praise from Ethan Ramsey is very very rare but for MC it's like a usual occurrence, not because they have feelings for each other rather because Ethan truly sees the amount of potential MC has and it reassures him that he was right when he chose MC for Edenbrook knowing that she had the potential to be someone great. While revealing the diagnosis with June and Baz, he proudly let's them know,"MC pieced it together last night. Excellent work." He is honestly like a proud husband showing off how amazing his wife is (lol)

____________________________________________

FINAL THOUGHTS: Sooooo.. let's re-evaluate:

✓ Ethan and MC are very very close on a personal level no matter how much Ethan tries to deny it.

✓ MC is literally Ethan's closest friend. He shares little details about him to her, only her.

✓ Ethan does not shut MC out like he did in Book 1. He tries to understand her and thinks about her point of view.

✓ Ethan and MC have continuous playful banter which makes them look like a whole ass married couple but whatever.

✓ Ethan considers MC to be his equal rather than a subordinate. That is HUGE coming from Mr. Broody Ramsey. He has a lot of respect for MC.

✓ Ethan pushes MC to do her very best despite of them being personal and contradicting their original deal of being professional.

✓ Ethan proudly let's others know about how amazing MC is at what she does.

So, what I am trying to say is: If they are equals, and they work together like two peas in a pod, and the have the cutest most playful relationship, and they respect each other so much, and they are fulfilling every aspect of their mentor/mentee relationship— SO WHEN THE FUCK ARE THEY GONNA REALIZE THAT THEY CAN STILL DO ALL OF THIS WHILE PURSUING A RELATIONSHIP. @ Ethan sweetie, you're one of the smartest men on the planet but you're really so dense when love is involved. I live for the angst but I just want to see my babies being officially domestic and have passionate sex like they did in Chapter 15 (no shit that was THE BEST, read x) yeah that's all, maybe even save the hospital and punch Declan again while they're at it. Ethan and MC are really have the most realistic depiction when it comes to work relationships. Whether Ethan believes it or not— I, for one, am certain that Ethan and MC are truly soulmates and are meant to be. Professionally AND Personally.

Why did I title this as Sugar and Ice?

Because just like ice Ethan is cold,harsh and stoic when it comes to dealing with regular people. But when it comes to people he really cares about and loves (read: MC) he is like sugar- warm, gentle and open.

____________________________________________

Not to be a cheesy romantic, I'm still a cynic but Ethan is an exception. Andddddd we're done. If you have reached up till here then wow, I cannot believe that you would actually take the time to read my thoughts about a character. You don't know how much that means to me. It makes me feel like I am creating some worthwhile. Thank you for all the constant love and support y'all have given me. I am truly so grateful to each one of you.❤️

Also, yes I know Chapter 6 is out and this is an analysis of Chapter 5 but believe me, I you've read this you'll figure out that nothing that happened in today's chapter contradicts my thoughts about Ethan in the previous chapter. I will start working on an analysis for Chapter 6 tonight itself. Just need some time to process all of it. Thank you for always being so patient. I appreciate it so much.❤️

This was a very long post and believe me I tried to cut it short as much as possible. Let's just say I really cannot write short pieces lmao. So yes, thank you for taking out your valuable time to read this. Sending my gratitude and love.❤️

[If you want to be added to my taglist, just let me know as I will be writing some more stuff in the days to come. All my works are sorted in my MASTERLIST. The link is in my bio.]

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Hi Zai, this is a request for some form of Fyodor content, literally anything, please, thank you and I hope you have a lovely evening 💕

Ratty—

Luckily for you I actually had this angst prompt ready for Fyodor. I am still unsure how well I can perceive this man of mystery but I shall do my best.

Angst Prompt: "Fyodor loves pretty things.. he likes to preserve them in their beauty and wishes to keep them for all eternity. It works fine with creatures, why not try humans as well?"

JUDGEMENT DAY

It all started with a fragile yet light-hearted meeting in a café. He took notice of you like an angel had descended from the heavens above. Long, well-groomed silver hair that trailed along your back to stop at your hips. This was God's work, telling him to snatch you right up into his arms.

How dainty and delicate your fingers looked when you grasped your cup of latté. He watched your every movement, from the sway of your hips to the way you sat in your seat. So elegant yet something lingered around you. The Russian was intrigued and taken by that unknown factor.

He must have you in his arms, he thought to himself possessively. It didn't matter what measures he had to take. Fyodor would see to it himself that you would be retrieved with as little damage to your fragile being as possible. The time went by and the clock in the establishment seemed to tick louder than usual. Of course, it was due to him shutting out all other noises of the outside world while his gaze remained fixated on his eternal beauty.

It couldn't wait longer. No it could. He just didn't want to. He rose from his seat and walked over to his prey. Your gaze broke away from your phone that you were tapping away at feverishly. Who was this dark, foreboding looking man? Some kind of chilling aura surrounded you like being in a blizzard. You covered yourself in your sweater to warm up. That reaction made him give a half smile towards you.

"Lovely café isn't it? Are you doing research on something?"

His question made a cold shiver run down your spine. This man was giving you goosebumps but why couldn't you bring yourself to leave? The curiosity was eating away at you. Why did he come to speak to you?

"I am.. researching treatments for an ailment I have."

"May I ask what ailment? For you see, I am a physician. I could be of assistance if you'll have me, Мой дорогой."

You blinked in shock then chuckled softly. It was faint and gentle like feathers carried by the wind. A sound he found soothing to his ears.

"I unfortunately do not know what I have. Would you be able to see me.. today perhaps? I do not have a lot of money but.."

He reached out and took your soft hand in his. You let out a gasp when his cold touch matched yours. The two of you were cold in temperature but to each other, one was slightly warmer than the other. The man was dressed a bit less like a doctor than what you were used to seeing. But you didn't like to judge a book off of its cover before reading it first.

"For a lovely face such as yours, I do not wish to take your money. If I could assist in preserving your beauty that is payment enough."

Taken by his words, you let him whisk you away. You knew no one. No family. Nor friends. No one would realize you left this world and yet this doctor wanted to keep you alive.

All you could remember was meeting the Russian then blacking out after accepting his invitation to being diagnosed. Your body felt cold and stiff when you came to, a dimly lit room of candlelight. Then a familiar voice sounded nearby.

"You’re awake. I have your results if you want to see them."

It felt difficult to sit up from where you laid on a soft bed. You felt his hand take yours as he brought his other hand behind your head then moved it to your back to assure a comfortable shift.

"Thank you... I didn't get your name, doctor."

"You may call me Fyodor, my lovely."

That name gave you a rich and warm taste from how velvet his voice flowed. You took the papers in your grasp to carefully analyze. Eyes scanning then stopping on the disease name.

"ALS?.."

"Formally called, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis."

You blinked, feeling too stunned to read on after seeing that it was incurable. A fatal disease that would eat away at your lifespan. Although Fyodor had no issue going on about details of the symptoms and what the disease effected in the body.

"What you have is a progressive neurological disease characterized by the destruction of nerve cells that are responsible for controlling voluntary muscle movement. Examples of voluntary muscle movement include chewing, walking, talking and breathing."

Your blood felt like it turned to ice. A lump in your throat making it difficult to speak. There's no cure. Your body was deteriorating from the inside out. Waiting for your expiration date. In a way you felt that you knew it all along. You chose to play blind into not accepting it until now. A faint ghostly smile upon your pale lips as you looked to Fyodor with light blue eyes that were clouded in grey.

"I appreciate the diagnosis. Now, as for payment.. I want to.. offer you my body when I die."

He didn't ask you why nor did he want to deny your offer. It was God's work after all. He truly sent this angel down for him to keep. It perfectly aligned with what was intended.

"How long do I have?"

"A few months. But you knew that didn't you, прекрасный?"

You nodded solemnly in defeat. This disease in particular gave people who had it an average lifespan of two to five years before they died. You already lived out almost two years since diagnosed. Your time was almost gone.

"How will you live out the rest of your days?"

"I want them to be with you. It's strange.. but I feel that you'll see to it that I do not die.. alone."

How sweet and tender you were to him. Those words like silk from your gentle voice. So weak and fragile like an endangered species. He took you into his home and saw to just that.

The days you spent with him were like a lucid dream. He would play the cello and lull you to sleep at night or play with your silver locks, caressing them in between his fingers. Fyodor would take you to ballroom dance in an empty room. His hand delicately hugging your hip while the other hand folded like a puzzle piece into yours.

That evening when you hummed along with his cello playing was the last breath you took. No final words, for you had already said everything that needed to be heard. He paused his playing to bring you into his arms to feel your heart slow to a stop, your body getting colder by each minute your organs failed to work. A sickening smirk revealed his teeth like a ravaging wolf starving for years for a delicacy to drop in front of him.

"Now.. let us get to work on maintaining your beauty. For all eternity. Milaya.."

[curtashiism]

Long rant/vent ahead

It’s hard, because I know I genuinely love biology. I love learning about anatomy and physiology, and I have an affinity for bio as a whole. But I don’t know that it’s really what I want to do, and I feel like I was never given the chance to fully explore what I actually wanted to do because of my mom’s manipulative behavior to me growing up.

When I was younger I wanted to do something with music, but my mom told me I wouldn’t be good enough. I didn’t have the talent my sister did at the cello, which was why they sunk so much money into her cello rental and lessons but wouldn’t get me any lessons.

My mom told me future was in academics and I never really questioned it. Her grandma had a premonition (my mom’s words, not mine) that I would go into the sciences. So my mom never let me consider anything else. She tried her best to shut any other ideas I had down. She never came to a single one of my track meets when I ran in 8th grade. I mean, I finished dead last in every race except the one time I finished second to last, but that’s not the point. I shouldn’t have had to be good to earn her involvement. But that’s how it was with her. She only cared when it was something I was good at- academics. She’d come to the awards ceremonies when I made honor roll, but never cared about my other interests.

So I settled on the medical field at some point- I thought a doctor or vet for a while but I’m not good enough at math, physics, or chem, so now I’m thinking public health.

Before I started college, I wanted to take a break from school, get a job, and figure things out. But my mom didn’t want that. She thought if I did that, I’d never go back to school, and we couldn’t have that now could we? So she did what she does- she manipulated the situation to get what she wanted to my detriment. It didn’t matter that I didn’t want loans. She said “we all go into debt, suck it up” and told me if I didn’t start the next term she would kick me out.

So I did. Then once I had the loans finalized, she told me she was never going to kick me out, she just wanted me to “get my life together.” Because clearly it’s not my right to make those decisions, it’s hers, and if I wasn’t ready to start college at 19 my life must have been falling apart.

So now here I am, entering my senior year of college at 26 years old, panicking because I need to start preparing for a Master’s program but I don’t FEEL ready at all and I’m not sure this is actually what I want to do. I like the arts. I want to learn more about them. I want to learn to play the violin, I want to see if I can act (I’m practicing voice acting and am loving it and my friends say I actually am not bad at it and I have a cute voice perfect for child characters), or maybe even try to write a play (I love theater and I love writing.) Hell, I think I’d be happier joining the Peace Corps or going to the Kalahari Desert to volunteer with the meerkat study project for a year. I’m not ready for grad school- but I feel like I HAVE TO do it.

But that’s the thing. I try so hard to get my mom to approve of my decisions for just ONCE in her life. But even when I do exactly what she wants it doesn’t happen. She wanted me to do the science stuff to begin with- but when I tell her there’s a couple of MPH programs down in NYC, I would just need to finally get my driver’s license and a car, she starts making me defend my decision. She asks all these questions that make it sound like I’m some kind of idiot for wanting to get a Master’s degree. And maybe I fucking am, but not for the reason she thinks.

I told her I was going to learn the violin and her reaction was to get mad that I asked if I could practice it in the apartment during my visit home. When it looked like I was going to get to study abroad in London, before COVID, she made it all about her and her letting go issues.

When I graduated with my Associate’s degree- I’m the only one in the immediate family to do so, by the way- my mom cried before my graduation. Because she was devastated it wasn’t my sister.

And I honestly don’t know why I still even try. I know she has four kids but only cares about one. She will NEVER care about me or actually be proud of me. Not if I get a Master’s degree, not if I become a doctor, not if I became a tapdancing polyglot brain surgeon who cures cancer on the moon. She isn’t capable of it. On top of that, she has no grasp on who I actually am as a person.

She has a twisted and distorted view of me where I am a manifestation of all the things she fears are true of herself. All the things she doesn’t want to be, she projects onto me. She calls me hateful and judgmental and mean because I tell her not to call me when she’s been drinking. One single, solitary boundary I request and that’s too much for her. She was jealous of me as an INFANT because my dad doted on me. You have no idea how many times she’s been in the middle of a bender and accused me and my dad of literal incest because we’re close. “You’re his second wife” “there’s some Mormon shit going on between you two!” She doesn’t know the first thing about me. She told all my relatives that I only was in the orchestra as a teen because I wanted to be like my sister, not because I actually liked to play.

I do not admire a single thing about my fucking sister. This is the same sister who conspired with my first boyfriend and got him to sexually abuse me. The same sister who got high on meth and fucking raped our little brother. The same sister who told me about this while she was blackout drunk, then licked my neck. The same sister whose behavior I told to my mom and got a response of “well to be fair I’ve fantasized about your neck too!” Oh but see, if my mom was to be believed, my fucking sister never did anything to hurt my little brother, no sir. He made it up for attention, and I “planted lies in his head because I wanted to prove an agenda about men being able to be raped by women.” Because she thinks I’m so evil I would use my little brother as a pawn for a social experiment just to hurt my sister.

I don’t admire anything about my sister. I barely even fucking feel sorry that she fell into sex trafficking and had the same thing done to her that she did to my little brother. I should be upset about it, but I just feel apathetic, especially since she got to see her abuser put behind bars while my little brother is still dragged out to visit her every time my folks (who he still lives with as an adult) decide to see her. She’s a shitty person. The world will be a better place when she fucking dies. She convinces everyone she meets that she’s a wonderful person because she tells them what a long journey she’s been on and how she’s working so hard to heal through her faith (conveniently leaving out the part where she victimized others as much as she was a victim herself). Bitch, you don’t get a cookie because you fucking went five years without sexually abusing your younger siblings. Jesus isn’t fucking proud of you. I’m certainly not.

But of course, since she’s the one my mom favors, she can do no wrong. My mom is no better than her in my eyes.

So that brings it back to, why the FUCK do I want her approval?

Why the fuck do I care?

She certainly doesn’t care about me. If all the above shit isn’t proof, the fact that she got drunk when I was 15 and said she wished she could kill me is. The fact that she gave me PTSD from all the shit she put me through is proof. The fact that she made me coming out as a lesbian all about her is proof. The fact that she would go on a hateful rant about trans people- even though she doesn’t know I am, she knows I care deeply about the issues which should be enough but some isn’t- is proof. The fact that she honestly can NOT remember what my birthday is and has to be reminded by my dad is proof. The fact that she once called me a bitch on my birthday, which she forgot was my birthday until my little brother reminded her, is proof. The fact that she tried to tear my dad and I apart because she was too insecure to handle my dad “choosing his kids over her” is proof. The fact that she put me in the position of having to let her scream and throw things at me to protect my younger brother, because the alternative was letting her hurt him instead, is proof. The fact that I self-harmed for nearly a decade because of her and only got clean when I moved 3,000 miles away (what a coincidence!) is proof.

She’s fucking sick and is never going to be anything approaching a good mother to me because she doesn’t see me as me, she just makes me the lightning rod for her anger whenever she gets pissed off. When she’s pissed off, I’m an emotional punching bag, and when she’s hurting I’m a substitute therapist who will do all the emotional heavy lifting for her because she fucking knows how to use my compassion and guilt complex against me.

She has reasons, in her head, for why I’m so awful and deserving of her anger, which it took me years to learn weren’t actually excuses because I was a CHILD and she had no right to hold shit against me. And I know the truth is that she’s never proud of me because she doesn’t actually want my success- especially not when my sister doesn’t have it. She treats me the best, the nicest, when I fail, because that’s what she wants for me, even if she pretends otherwise. She’s sick and she’s so determined to play victim for her whole fucking life that she will never NOT be sick this way.

And I’m even sicker than she is because I still try after all these years. The real definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I just keep getting my hopes up that one day, I will say the magic words that will make her actually be supportive. Like if I get a magical piece of paper to show her she’ll think I’m actually worth something, but she never will and I’m an idiot for hoping. If she hasn’t got it by now, she never will. My dad loves me for me, my brothers loves me for me, my grandma loves me for me, my aunts and uncles and cousins love me for me, my friends love me for me- it’s just my mom who can’t figure out that I’m worth more than what I can do for her.

Fuck her. I’m either going to go to grad school or I’m not, but whatever I do will be awesome. I might act or play the violin or write plays or I might study ethnomusicology, or who knows, maybe I will go through with this public health stuff. Either way I’ll be surrounded with people who actually see me for me and are capable of feeling joy at my accomplishments. Maybe I’ll stupidly keep trying to include her, but I’ll have others around me when she inevitably disappoints me yet again. And she can’t say the same because she drives everyone who might care about her away.

[regrettable-username]

tagged by @localspacelesbian :)

name/nickname: my name is olivia but i go by aivi (pronounced like ivy), which is olivia backwards (aivilo) -lo 

gender: nonbinary/genderqueer/genderflux.... idk???

star-sign: aries sun/moon, leo rising (if you’re good at astrology pls analyze me, i know nothing but i LOVE that shit)

height: 5′6″

time: 7:16pm

birthday: april 14th 

favorite bands: oh god uhhh.... mcr, MS MR, palaye royale, the mountain goats, mother mother, really from, the cure, AJJ, gang of youths, the royal they, the front bottoms, i literally could keep going i’m so indecisive and listen to a lot of music

favorite solo artists: taylor swift, janelle monae, hozier, emilie autumn, aurelio voltaire, cavetown, dizzy fae, fiona apple, seinabo sey, sudan archives, bishop briggs, hayley kiyoko, the list is endless i cant pick favorites

song stuck in my head: i’m currently listening to music bUT, i would say probably drivers license by olivia rodrigo (bc i’m both basic AND also still love disney shows meant for kids)

last movie: a simple favor (it was a lot better than i expected?? also im gay for both anna kendrick and blake lively)

last show: i’m binging the golden girls rn and its fantastic

when did i create this blog: i cant remember if this is my original blog from 2012 or if i deleted my old one somewhere along the line

what do i post: rarely anything original, mostly just random tumblr-viral shit and whatever my special interests are at the moment

other blogs: i tried an andi mack sideblog once but i do not like sideblogs, so yall get everything in a terrible mash-up

do i get asks: rarely but i enjoy them :)

why i chose my url: i regretted my previous username

following: 715

followers: 333

average hours of sleep: average?? nope my brains gonna roll a d20 every night to see how much i sleep

lucky numbers: 7, 13, 14

instrument: cello & alto sax (both slowly relearning after a years off since hs), learning ukulele and i kinda know clarinet??

what am i wearing: free t-shirt from my college, oversized grandma cardigan, black ripped jeans, fuzzy unicorn cat slippers

dream job: either owner of a bakery/bookstore with a showroom and/or the sound mixer for a touring show (musician or broadway musical)

dream trip: a road trip with my friends to the grand canyon! by train would also work great

nationality: american (derogatory)

favorite song: hahaha i can’t do favorites but maybe mama (live demo) by mcr?? idk im sad and trans and have mommy issues

last book i read: that i finished, and not for school? uhhh i started rereading the posionwood bible by barbara kingsolver recently

top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: the owl house universe, julie and the phantoms universe (specifically as a ghost), or honestly just a really cool dnd world

tagging: literally anyone who wants to do this, i don’t talk to enough of my mutuals so i would love to see what your answers are! feel free to tag me like i did tag u lmo

[princesstillyenna]

stolen from @bennsseguin​

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better

1) name/nickname: tillyenna aka tilly. no this is not my real name. also it’s ALWAYS a lower case t ;)

2) gender: Female

3) star sign: Aries *sigh* I don’t believe in this bullshit HOWEVER, I will say as someone due as a Pisces but born as an Aries, I am kinda both 

4) height: 5′3

5) time: 19:47

6) birthday: March 26th

7) favourite bands/groups: Ooof, erm, I’m really into Train atm, Elbow, Scouting for Girls are always a favourite, Travis. God, I’m a parody of myself. I will always love The Beatles.

8) favourite solo artists: I tend to listen to bands more than solo artists, hosier is pretty good, I can’t not stan lady gaga because we have the same illness. WAIT I HAVE COME BACK TO ADD IN TIM MINCHIN

9) song stuck in your head: Set It All Free, from Sing, by ScarJo.... because my kid made a video of herself singing it and made me watch it a million times

10) last movie: I’ve paused miracle to write this. Just finished watching The Christmas Chronicles

11) last show: Tiny Pretty Things

12) when did i create this blog: Some point last year (2020 IS LAST YEAR AWW YEAH)

13) what do i post: Hockey. Fit hockey boys. Angry rants about being sick. 

14) last thing i googled: the lyrics of the song stuck in my head so I could work out what it was to answer question nine.

15) other blogs: I actually don’t have any other tumblrs.

16) do i get asks: Occasionally. When I do it makes me feel like I’m famous. :D

17) why i chose my url: I’m tillyenna literally everywhere on the internet and I have been since I was 13. Building a brand is important people. HOWEVER. I was originally tillyenna on tumblr, but that tumblr got shut down during the great tumblr p0rn deletion... and so this is “princesstillyenna” because truly, I am a princess

18) following: 93

19) followers: 147

20) average hours of sleep: Erm, honest answer. On a regular day I need about 12 hours. I have chronic fatigue syndrome. If left to my own devices I can sleep about 20 hours a day. If I get less than 10, I’ll be pulling from the next days resources.

21) lucky number: Eh, it used to be 7. I don’t really have a lucky number. I HATE the numbers 8 and 4 though. Like, fuck ‘em.

22) instruments: I used to play piano, ‘cello and did singing lessons

23) what am i wearing: deadpool leggings, swindon wildcats hoodie. judge me all you fucking want ;) I’m home alone.

24) dream job: Children’s Party Planner. Not adult parties. Hate adults. Just kids parties.

25) dream trip: Canada!!!

26) favourite food: Chocoalte. Garlic Bread. CARBS IN GENERAL

27) nationality: British :D

28) favourite song: Ooof that’s hard. One Day Like This: Elbow, Flowers In The Window: Travis, Drowned: Tim Minchin

29) last book read: Does Superstition count? I FEEL LIKE IT COUNTS. Superstition. I’ve decided. It counts.

30) top three fictional worlds you’d like to live in: I can’t even... like... Discworld. I’d meet sam vimes and steal him away. Middle Earth. A future where they have some kind of cure for all of my mental/physical illnesses? DOES THAT COUNT??

I tag anyone who also used to do those stupid email quizzes.

[cupidcore]

scream i always say i'll do these but never do apologies (o´〰`o)💞...

i was tagged by @transplant

name: christopher/cupid/whatever

nickname: chris, chrissy, bean/big bean, [mom's nickname for me], every single pet name that's ever existed

zodiac: taurus (naturally)

height: 5'9 (don't clown me -_-)

what time is it: 6:20 pm. (now 7:24 pm somehow spent like an hour on this)

favourite musician: that's too hard... the cure, mcr.... maybe..

favourite sports team: hmm don't have one! i just like watching certain sports! probably an olympic volleyball or track team :03

other blogs: welcome to my twisted ocd mind

@cupidcor-e primary n alter "hub" blog

@glitterblub agereg nostalgia blog

@cupidraws art blog

@i-93 i didn't want to list blogs i co-run except this upload blog i share with my alters. coin mostly runs it now i think.

@lovfarm farmcore, nostalgia, lgbt, homesick blog

@evilstud horror, photography, art blog (that caters more to my horror works)

@okuromi special interest, back upish blog that i might change the use for

@evilnet webcore, weirdcore, lgbt blog

@pettystud "sjw" blog lmao

@nurserycot used 2 b a weird shade of trauma n religion blog. now a personal religion, witch, n worship blog!

@g0thsim simblr that isn't attached to this account that I'll use at some point

@cupidk weird back up blog

i have a nsfw floating around that isn't attached to this account that i'll probably confrim it's me when im 20 if i still use tumblr and nsfw tumblr.

nsfw trans* lesbian tumblr isn't the same because of the obvious so idk if i'll ever use it again. i haven't used that blog in maybe 5 months.

do i get asks: yall know i be living in heads rent free (for better or worse). i do appreciate the nice and neutral ones

how many blogs do i follow: 1782 that stresses me out 🤪

any tumblr crushes: ofc :0P @/everyone who already knows @lesbian-cyber-sub-zero @lovingrot @aaliyahbreaux @iv-fischer yea i think that's mostly it.

what am i wearing: pjs

drink of choice: non alcoholic; hot water, cranberry juice, half french vanilla half regular coffee, ginger peach sparkling water (new fav), coffee, ginger tea, a good iced tea or coffee.

alcoholic; red wine is unbeatable.

dream car: red pick up.

favourite food: bussy anything in the style of a bim bim bap

dream vacation: call me cheesy but anywhere with e is my dream vacation. maybe Panama or Jamaica with him would be nice. or cottage country.

instrumentos: clarinet, orchestra percussion, vocals, currently relearning/working on piano, guitar, ukulele, and bass. i'd love to learn the drums, violin, harp and maybe try a cello one day.

i also need to figure out what's a good garage band alternative for PC so i can put together my work again. (in highschool i used the schools macs)

i dont want to play a trombone ever again but i love and respect them.

celebrity crush: idk everybody black and transgender plus horton styles.

random fact: going through everything i own (not just clothes this time) bc i need to sell shit for ocd rights and monies cause staples can't give me hours rn and as yall know im on my last very broken leg. so check my depop daily ❣️💕❤️💞

who u gonna tag: literally anyone who wants to do this just say i tagged you even if we aren't mutuals.

[thattrashcanofthrownoutscripts]

Well, the post asking about this got way more likes than I thought, So here is the first of a serious of vocabulary lists for The Man Who Laughs by Victor Hugo. This is for the first preliminary Chapter : Ursus  A warning that this is based off of my specific novel, and notes so I may have missed some things. If anyone wants to be tagged in any future lists, just let me know (: I will try and post for the next chapter tomorrow.

* Note, Phrases marked w/ a *  are Latin translations and should be taken w/ a grain of salt, as I do not speak nor understand Latin, and it was all translated through digital means which can be less than reliable*

Part I

Tallied - Correspond or match

Fêtes - Festival

Misanthrope -  Person who dislikes humankind and avoids human society

Engastrimythos -  (Literally belly-talker)  ventriloquists who disguised their           

                              voices and made mantic utterances

Buffon - French Naturalist

Menagerie - - Place where animals are kepts

Sagacious - Having keen mental discernment and good judgment (Clever)

Impudence - Being Cheeky

Avow - Declare Assuredly

Simples -  Medicinal Herb, or made from them

Phthisis - Progressively wasting or consumptive condition

Purgative - Purging Medicine

Emetic - Agent which induces vomiting

Excrescence - An outgrowth, usually unwanted

Rush - Specific variety of tufted marsh plant

Retort - Vessel or chamber in which substances are distilled by heat

Panaceas - Cure-Alls

Savent - Third person plural present of Savior

Hippocratized - Pertaining to Hippocrates 

Pindarized -  In the Pindaric style - Imitative of Pindar

Vied - Wager/Hazard

Bombast - Pretentious or inflated speech

Rapin - Paul de Rapin - French Historian, wrote History of England

Vida - Marco Girolamo Vida - Poet, Wrote a lot of latin poetry

Father Bouhours - Dominique Bohours, French-Jesuit priest, essayist, 

                              grammarian and  neo-classical critic

Gammarrian- Study of linguistics

Dactyl - A metric foot consisting of one long, and two short syllables 

                (Ex. Tenderly)

Anapast - Two short syllables and one long ( A dactyl Reversed)

Amphimacer - Pattern of A long syllable, then a shot one, then another long

Expectoration - Act of ejecting phlegm or mucus from the lungs

Epiphonema - A sentence that is an exclamation, a striking comment or 

                      succinct summary

Eclogue - A poem in which shepherds converse

Harangue -  Speech addressed to public assembly

Declaimed - Speak Rhetorically

Allocutions - An authoritative or hortatary (sermon) address

Sepal - One of the modified leaves comprising a calyx (Green outer circle of 

             a flower)

Stamen - A spore bearing leaf that develops microspore of a seed plant

Carpal -  an ovale bearing structure in a type of angiosperm ( a type of 

                vascular plant)

Ovule - Outgrowth of an ovary of a seed plant, that develops megaspores

Theca - An enveloping sheath

Apothecium - Spore bearing structure in many lichens (Algee) and fungi

Fatuous - inanely foolish

Mountebank - Person who sells quack medicines from a platform

Infirmity - Physical or mental weakness

Galen - Aelius Galenus or Claudius Galenus,  a physician, surgeon and 

                  philosopher in the roman empire

Cardan - Gerolamo Cardano, a mathematician, physician, biologist,

                       physicist, chemist, astrologer, astronomer, philosopher, writer,

                        and gambler during the renaissance

Sumptuous - Extremely Costly and luxurious

Violoncello - Just the fancy word for Cello

Amicably - Characterized by friendly goodwill

Palliative - easing the symptoms without curing the problem

Loquacity - State of being very talkative

Charlatan - Quack, fraud

Irascibility - Hot tempered, easily provoked

Part II

Lycaon - Greek Myth, king who tried to trick zeus into eating human flesh, and 

                  was turned into a wolf

Askance - Look of suspicion or disapproval

Koupara - Crab-dog, a crab eating raccoon 

 (Canus ferus - Which just means wild dog??)

{This was a bit of a google search hole, tho not as bad as when I was trying to   find ‘Dog of chili’}

Repugnance - Being contradictory or inconsistent

Frontispiece - Decorated front of a building (think those intricate triangles at 

                        the front of ancient greek temples)

Assize - Judges of civil and criminal cases in the superior courts of england

Part III

Coronet - smaller crown, signifies rank lower than sovereign

Circlet - little circle, or circular ornament

Puissant - Powerful

*Concilium et Curia - Council and the court

*Cæteris Filibus aliundé satisfactis - The other daughter shall suffice ( Literally 

                     other daughter source of fulfillment, but that doesn't make sense…)

*De minuto Vario - With little complicated

Ermine - White fur, usually weasel

Inviolable - secure from violation or profanation

Durance - Restraint by physical force

Supplicavit -  A writ issued by the King's Bench or Chancery for taking the surety

                        of the peace against a person.

Amerced - To punish by fine whose amount is fixed by the court

Assay - Test of Purity

Motley - Variety of colour

Matchless - Unable to be equaled, incomparable

Stannaries - Tin mines, usually in cornwall or devon

Surmounted - To prevail, or surpass in quality

*Honi soit qui mal y pense - May he be shamed who thinks badley

Cupolas - Small structure built on top of a roof

Pepper-boxes - a type of two barreled gun ( Couldn't find any building 

                       references)

Lozenge - A figure with four equal sides, two acute angles, and two obtuse 

                   angles (Diamond) 

Embattled - Ready to fight

Sweep - Broad unbroken area

Belfried - Having a belltower/Belfry

Bastion - projecting part of a fortification

*Virtus ariete fortior - Virtue is stronger than a battering ram

Chattels - an item of tangible movable or immovable property except real-estate

Part IV

Approbation - Commendation, praise

Philtres - Potions created with magic

Phials - Vials

Mummaries

 - Ridiculous, hypocritical or pretentious ceremony or performance

-Performance by Mummers (A performer in pantomime, or one who goes merry making in disguise)

*Tête-a-Tête - literally Head to head - A private conversation between two people

Caribbee- Designating the islands of the Caribbean

Bluster - To be windy or boisterous

Superposition - placement of one thing on top of another

Chastisement - censure severely, or inflict punishment

Cordials - Stimulating Medicine or Drink

Penal - Pf or relating to Punishment

Ok and that is it, feel free to ask if you have any questions, I did the best I could, but it is not going to be perfect 

[holographicvampire]

But I’m A Cheerleader

The first lesbian film I ever saw was “But I’m A Cheerleader”. 

Directed by Jamie Babbit. 

*SPOILER ALERT*

I think I was in middle school when I first saw this movie on LOGO. (At the time I was labeling myself a “closet bisexual”.)

The plot of this movie is literally about a cheerleader who is a closet lesbian and everybody’s got a problem with it, sort of trying to convince HER to have a problem with it as well.

She has the typical quirky/concerned parents, dimwit jock boyfriend and overly nice friends. I think what got under my skin though was the fact her own boyfriend and friends showed up to her house invention style with a “de-gay-ify” counselor (WHICH IS LOWKEY IRONIC AF BECAUSE THE COUNSELOR IS PLAYED BY RUPAUL LMFAO). Satire is something else.

Megan, the main character played by Natasha Lyonne, gets taken away to a conversion camp, “True Directions”,  in hopes of “curing her” aka changing her back into a straight female. While she’s there, she meets other teens that identify as “homosexuals” and have been admitted to the program by their homophobic parents as well. Even though this movie is just an indie queer comedy, it’s scary to think that some kids/teens get sent to camps like this in real life. My heart goes out to them. No one should ever be forced to be somebody they’re not. No matter what your sexuality is just know- THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

The film follows Megan and all the other teens through different trials and tribulations at the camp. They have to do these hilarious gender role exercises, and homophobic chants (”Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve”), and are threatened to be kicked out of the camp if they display any type of homosexual behavior. Everyone seemingly follows the camp rules, except for a particular sarcastic girl named, Graham, played by Clea Duvall,  who loves to talk back. Slowly but surely, Graham begins to help Megan come out of her shell and sheds light on what’s really going on in the camp. They also begin to fall for eachother.

One night all the teens decide to sneak out. The counselors/lovers from a rival camp that’s accepting of the lgbtq community, helps the teens with a ride to a nearby gay club for a night of fun. Graham starts dancing with one of the girls and Megan gets highly jealous and storms off. They get into a mini screaming match which leads to them kissing. They both finally become aware that they have real feelings for eachother. 

To keep from getting caught though, Graham pretends to have a crush on one of the boys at the camp. Megan unfortunately is confronted by her parents at a meeting and they basically tell her that if she doesn’t change (aka doesn’t ungay herself) she won’t be allowed to come home. Again I know this is just a movie, but hearing them say that shit to Megan really made me upset. I don’t understand how parents can just kick their own kids out for not being straight. Like what the fuck??? If anyone out there has ever been kicked out or has been threatened to be, I hope you know you are loved and I’m sorry you’re being treated like that and I hope you find a safe space to stay. <3 

Fast forward: Megan and Graham end up hooking up (FINALLY) and omg, my heart was beating out of control because not only had I never seen 2 girls kissing on tv, but the song that was playing during it set the mood perfectly. The song is, “Glass Vase Cello Case” by Tattle Tale. Here’s a link to the song on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gm60pXJJbtA

Megan unfortunately ends up getting kicked out because of a jealous girl in the camp that had a crush on Graham ratting her out. Graham shuts down completely and for a bit Megan is lost, but she soon finds herself on the doorstep of the rival camp that’s queer friendly. They accept her in and she also finds out that Dolph, a boy originally from the conversion camp is living there happily and safe. 

Leading up to the graduation day of “True Directions”, Dolph and Megan hatch a plan to convince Clayton and Graham to stop being afraid to be who they are and leave the conversion camp to live in peace at the acceptance camp. Megan tries to get Grahams attention, but is pushed away. Megan then does a cheer infront of everyone at the ceremony admitting her feelings for Graham and then runs away to the getaway truck. Graham realizes she’s had enough of playing pretend straight and runs to the truck and begins passionately kissing Megan. 

The truck drives away and it’s clear they have a happy ending together not only accepting eachother, but accepting theirselves as well. Most people might think this film is a little on the cheesy side, but to this day, I still think it’s such a cute film. Perfect for anyone that’s a fan of queer cinema, Rupaul, sarcasm, controversial shit, and just finding yourself, accepting yourself, and falling in love. 

[paramyxoviruses]

:D

Yeah!! I’m not sure if I want to go the ecological or molecular route though. (Ecological being tracking / predicting / responding / etc. to outbreaks, molecular being studying individual diseases and developing cures / vaccines)

I don’t really have a preference between virology or bacteriology (at this point), just epidemiology with a focus on emerging infectious disease as a general group. That being said, a lot of the diseases I’m familiar with are viruses, which would mean I’m probably going to lean more towards virology (also viruses are just. so fucking cool).

The glass is a liquid thing is super cool!!!!! 

And flat earthers are annoying, but with that particular thing its more like you know whatever, it’s stupid but it’s not really harming anyone, which is what I HATE about antivaxxers (and anti-science groups), that not only do you refuse to vaccinate your kids (for reasons that are not only rejected by decades of research, but also just show that you’re a horrible person who’d rather your child die than be autistic, which is a whole other thing that makes me angry), ANYWAY, the refusal to vaccinate children endangers not only them, but every other person in the area by destroying the herd immunity which is literally the only reason that immunocompromised people and people who cannot get vaccines aren’t constantly getting dangerous and potentially dangerous diseases. It’s incredibly irresponsible and self-centered.

Similar thing with anti-science groups: with some things I guess it’s harmless in that it doesn’t hurt other people, but there’s a certain thing about purposefully rejecting how we know and have proven the world works in favor of what you personally think can happen that really annoys me.

And I am happy right now! There’s a lot of good things happening. I got to hang out and do stupid things with my friends which was super fun!!! I’m working on a cello piece for an audition (on monday! For our final concert seniors can audition to play a solo piece with orchestral accompaniment, and the top 4 get to), and its super pretty and I really enjoy playing it, and in my chamber orchestra / group class I’m playing Shostakovitch Quartet 8 (just the first two movements, because we’ve got like 6 groups and so we can’t play for 20 minutes bc of time constraints)  which is one of my favorite quartets ever, and every time we play it or I see it in my folder I just !!!!!! I’m also reading “The Waste Land” for a paper for AP English and its way over my head complex but I’m getting there! And it’s so cool to be able to figure something out or connect two pieces together and suddenly things start to make sense when before it was completely incomprehensible! And we’re gonna start reading The Sound and the Fury and from what I’ve seen I know I’m really gonna like the writing style, and I love my teacher a lot and it makes me super happy!!

[the-storm-winds]

tagged by @thatswhyhesprime eyyy

Nicknames/pet names

Storm is what I go by online now. my RL name is technically shortened from my full legal name but I don't have any other irl nicknames (except the one of my sisters who calls me “Ra-ra” but nOBODY ELSE IS ALLOWED)

Zodiac sign

dO YOU WANT MY WHOLE CHART BC WE CAN TALK. no? fine. my Sun is in Sagittarius in the 10th house conjunct Pluto and trine my Leo Moon

Height

5'4”

Last movie I watched

BUMBLEBEE

Last thing I googled

“em dash”. I can't describe how annoying it is those aren't on keyboards

Favorite musicians

tOO MANY. uh. in no particular order and by no means complete: Within Temptation. Indica. The Birthday Massacre. Nightwish. Linkin Park. Thirty Seconds To Mars. Bastille. KOKIA. VAST. The Cure. Poets of the Fall. Hozier. Gregorian. Ivan Dominik. Eivør. Nickelback. Fall Out Boy. The Incredible String Band. and a lot more than that depending on my mood.

Song stuck in my head

“Is This Love” by Bob Marley. my professor had it playing before class and I was like NOSTALGIA but also WOW THAT IS ORION in his earlier stages of having feels for Ratchet

Other blogs

sideblogs @zephyrus-moonlight​, @ero-cataegis​ (NSFW fr i mean it)

rp blogs @iacon-stargazer, @invictus-ignis ​

Do you get asks?

lmao do i what (actUALLY lemme check bc I'm usually on mobile… ……. …. wow I actually do have one unread ask and I'm cracking up now)

Following

483

Dream trip

I love traveling in general so idk man? Europe. Russia. Japan. China. I'd like to go to that public rock garden in Macau again or something like it and just stay there all day.

Amount of sleep

between like.  2 and 7 hours on weeknights hhhhhh

Lucky number

I've got a bunch I like for various reasons but I've used 13 since my old Webkinz account just because I thought it was cool and never made the Thirteen connection until literally as I'm typing this

What I’m wearing

pretty constellation jeans (from Hot Topic lmao) and my night sky golden section t-shirt and cozy socks. and then a pink bathrobe over it all because the AC is running for some goddamn reason

Dream job

uhhh. to be a professional artist? hhh I just wanna paint and have money (which is a sucky goal when you're a COLLEGE SENIOR i know I hate capitalism wooo)

Instruments I play

played the recorder for a long time (and have a nice wooden one that sounds way better than the cheap ones) but it's been ages now

aaand I took violin lessons for awhile but don't remember much. tbh I think I'd prefer cello now because of how it sounds

Languages

English. tiny Mandarin. even tinier Japanese. Russian/Cyrillic alphabet.

Favorite songs

YOU CAN'T JUST ASK ME THAT WE'LL BE HERE ALL DAY. legit i’m all over the place rn in what i’ve been listening to due to hunting for songs for all these playlists for rp characters

Random fact

hhh? uh. i always flavor my macaroni and cheese with asafoetida and eat it with chopsticks. multicultural yo *jazz hands*

Tag 5 people

@personal-burrito ​ @cerulean-fantasy ​ @snowygryphn ​ @pleasedontgethurt ​ @roseymoseyberry ​ if yall feel like it *finger guns*

[exileseverafter]

Chapter 6

Moonflower Market

“They hold my opinion in high esteem for some reason. People are quite easy to persuade, regardless of size.”

The blue fog gradually gave way to a cloud of shapes and forms, which in turn grew more visible in a matter of seconds. When the light dimmed to a gentle blue glow and the skin tingling subsided, Basil and his companions stood at the outskirts of a crowded marketplace built on a circular plane of white stone. Behind them was a glassy barrier, a dome encompassing the entire, village-sized area. When one looked up, one could only see stars. Past the wall, endless fields of those luminescent blue flowers. It never ceased to dazzle him, even though it was a familiar sight by that point. But Basil his his awe under a confident smirk and a grand swish of his cape as he turned to face the other two. Prince Charming was never dazzled, merely impressed. "My Lady, My..." Basil was unsure how he was supposed to address a giant. "Good sir. Welcome to Moonflower Market. I cannot tell you where we are or how the Moon Gate works, for I am sworn to secrecy. Well," he added, "I don't exactly know. But if I did-" Marjorie cut him off with a hand wave. "Thank you, Highness! I always appreciate the introduction every time you go to the market with me, really. But I really must get to business. Ezra, remember my advice! And don't be afraid to exaggerate the health benefits of strawberries just a tad. No harm in it! Ta!" She wandered off with as much of a graceful step as one could manage while pushing a cart, leaving Basil a little puzzled. Didn't she like his speeches? Had he really used that one already? It was at least new to the giant. Oh, yes. The giant. It was difficult not to gawk; Ezra was twice as big as any human he’d ever seen, and could probably lean his chin on the roof of his grandmothers’ cottage. Even the pies he toted about were larger than Aurora’s great paw pads. The Prince Charming of the tales he'd heard had saved the distressed from bullying, greedy giants. Great heroes and warriors had bested giants in combat or tricked them. He didn't recall any of them saving giants. Why would they need to? Anyone that big and strong could defend themselves. This one was obviously not small or weak; Basil had seen him strike down a wolf bare handed, and a huge one at that. Someone like that could only pity a short human like himself, one who needed a bear's help to match a giant's strength. It was embarrassing. There had to be at least a bit of pity in the odd, owl-eyed look this Ezra was giving Basil. “Thank you again for saving me. And us. With your bear. It’s a very lovely white bear. I’ve never seen a tamed one before.” Ezra spoke in a low rumble and seemed to stand with his nose perpetually pointed just upward, like the nobles Basil remembered from his brief periods at court. The prince wouldn’t have imagined that sort of tone coming from a baker, unless Ezra was some manner of pastry royalty. Then again, Basil thought, maybe Ezra just had an upturned nose. Unwilling to let himself be looked down upon in any but a literal sense, Basil puffed out his chest and gestured to Aurora. She was behaving herself, despite the scents of fruit and meat wafting from the food stall sector of the vast market, seated behind Basil and nudging him. “Aurora is of the finest stock of gentle bears bred by my mother’s kingdom to the far north. You wouldn’t have seen one, I imagine!” He grinned, and then realizing that might not come across as properly Humble (for Prince Charming was always Humble when the situation called for it) he cleared his throat. “Shall I lead you around, Sir Kettle?” “Ezra works,” the giant said, speaking a little too quickly. He lugged that big cart full of sweet-smelling pastry behind him as he took in the sights over Basil’s shoulders. “I appreciate the tour greatly, Your Highness.” “Basil will do. It’s odd to hear ‘Highness, Highness’ when I’m not at my father’s palace. Speeches aside, the forest is no place for formality! If this is still the forest.” He cupped his chin in his gloved hand as he walked. “I was never entirely sure…” He almost had to shout to be heard over the crowds of the marketplace. Basil only knew about the ‘gate’ in the Blue Forest, but he assumed there had to be many more. Travelers wearing clothing from nations far and wide gathered here, selling strange wares. A woman in robes sold eggs she claimed would hatch basiliks; Basil could have sworn he saw a snake peek out of her wrapped hair, but it might have been a decoration. A man with long fingers and curled nails like claws played music from a great clockwork machine apparently powered by mice on wheels. The air smelled of spun sugar and salt-cured meat, roasted root vegetables, saffron and lemon; the occasional whiff of perfume or lamp oil somehow only enhanced the combination of scents. As Basil led Ezra to where the other food vendors were situated, he nearly bumped into a palomino centaur busking with an oversized cello. “Begging your pardon, my lady!” Basil tipped his hat and dropped a few coins in the tray at her hooves as an apology; she merely tossed her hair and kept playing. “Nobody here really recognizes me as a prince,” Basil said over his shoulder to Ezra in the closest to a conspiratorial whisper as he could manage while addressing someone twice his height over a crowd. It wasn’t very much of a whisper at all. “But I don’t mind that! Prince Charming’s true nobility of heart and courage should be his heralds.” He was glad the crowd was dense enough to likely disguise the shivers running through his body; it would be too embarrassing to explain them. He looked longingly at a plump couple selling steaming bowls of cabbage soup, but reminded himself he was on a mission. “Prince Charming?” Ezra’s brows wrinkled. “Who is that?” Basil stopped to stare up, this time more out of bafflement. “You don’t know?!” Was it just the light, or did a hint of red flush through the giant’s face? “We knew of no such person up there.” He pointed upwards, and then balked when he looked up at that sea of stars. “Well, by ‘up there’ I mean the Islands.” Ah, Basil told himself, than he was recently arrived from the floating masses of clouds where most giants made their homes. This was a perfect chance to make an impression, and how perfect it would be to impress someone so much bigger! “Prince Charming,” he began in a clear voice, “is a great hero who once wandered the land, saving those in need, battling gi-erm, monsters, reversing curses and breaking spells. She lived as a prince despite being a woman of humble birth, and it is through her heroism that the very term ‘prince’ took on a meaning besides ‘son of a king.’ Prince Charming vanished one day without a trace, but her followers wrote the Edicts of a Prince Charming for all those who would follow in her footsteps. I use ‘he’ when I speak of them because I am a boy, of course. And…not the least of humble birth.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose, and the fur on his glove made him sneeze. At least Ezra seemed dully impressed, gazing down at Basil with what was quite obviously admiration. “We don’t have princes or nobles up there. It’s a different system. So I didn’t think much of it. But someone who saves those in need! That absolutely-oh, right here.” The stars left his eyes almost immediately as the baker seemed to switch immediately to the commercial instinct of a merchant, setting his big cart where it loomed next to the more human-scaled one selling cinnamon pastries. “This is perfect. The smells will bring customers in, and I just have a sense for this spot. Besides,” he added awkwardly, “I needed a space to fit.” Already the presence of an oversized pie cart was attracting attention, mostly from passerby doing just as Basil had done-gawk at the rare sight of Ezra himself, with legs like tree trunks and heavy apron, carefully slicing a huge pie into very thin slices with a knife that Basil could use as a short sword. He seemed oblivious to the crowd, engrossed in his work. “What a fool I am! Of course there’d mostly be humans here, not my kinfolk, so why didn’t I just bake in the tart pan? Even if it would have taken forever. No one but the most daring glutton would buy a slice of pie big enough to feed five…” Basil tried to hide annoyance at how much notice Ezra was getting just by being there, reminding himself of that whole humility part of Charminghood. Why was that part always so difficult? He could do the heroic deeds just fine if the opportunity would arise more often. He took a deep breath and then wrapped his arms around his chest as a bad chill came over him, his toes and fingertips suddenly quite numb and his face stinging. He pulled the scarf around his mouth again, suddenly quite glad that Ezra was too busy and the crowd too distracted to see him. He forced himself to stand up straight again, flashing a smile. “Well! Good sir-I mean, Ezra, now that you’re properly situated I’ll leave you to your business. I have to go check on the Lady Marjorie and…” A frown crossed his face as something clicked in his mind. “There’s no sick grandmother, is there.” “It’s just her and I,” Ezra said without looking up at Basil or the crowds. “And she was there first.” “And to be sure, you are not demanding she cook for you or holding her hostage in some other manner that would require me to bring sugar and flour and eggs and such from my grandmothers’ farm and the trading post down the road?” Two gold eyes shot a hurt-filled glare at Basil that left the prince flinching out of guilt as much as surprise. “Why would I do such a thing?!” “Sorry! Beg your forgiveness, sir!” Basil held his hands up and took a step back. “I just wanted to confirm something. So if there’s no sick grandmother, and she’s not in distress…” It was clear from Ezra’s quick, short tone that he was still a little offended by Basil’s ill-judged accusation. “She told me a story that I’m quite sure is also made up, because that seems to be her habit. I think she might just be a freeloader. But she seems to know more about the Center-I mean the land than I do, and she helps with the cleaning, and it’d be terribly lonely to be stuck in that cabin without a single friend…” Basil bit his lip, thinking. He didn’t like the implication of any of this. “I think I will go check on Marjorie after all.” Besides, the inner cold was getting unbearable; he needed to warm up with some of that soup. The mulled wine tempted him, but the fairy godmothers had warned him to beware of wine being sold at an enchanted market. (They never said anything about cabbage soup. Presumably cabbages were too boring for enchanters to care about, preoccupied as they were with enticing luxuries.) At least he could say he impressed the giant. His pride could stay intact. But pride was antithetical to a proper Prince. How complex it was to be charming! # “Wait, Basil! Don’t-” But as Ezra spun around, he saw that the bear-rider prince had already disappeared into the crowd. Had Ezra reacted too harshly to Basil’s accusation? After all, he himself had the same ideas about Sky Folk exiles: they were untrustworthy, possibly violent, and definitely sent away from the Sky for a Very Good Reason. That he now counted among those exiles was a bit of a sticking point, one he smoothed over by reminding himself that he was falsely accused and should not have been grouped with the sorts of violent criminals who would menace and exploit the fragile humans. And how many there were! He tried to connect this sea of half-size people with the Mielle marketplace, but Mielle had been a relatively small Island and would never draw crowds like this. Never mind that such activities would never be held at night; transactions under the light of the Moon were considered cursed. There was nothing to be done about it in this case. Ezra was already too far from the Sun. Come to think of it, hadn’t the Moon been shining over the forest clearing? When Ezra looked up now through the strange domed glass, he saw only stars. Where were they?! Customers, customers, he reminded himself as he turned to the crowd. There were a few centaurs standing heads and shoulders above everyone else, but for the most part he was looking at a gathering of humans wearing clothing familiar and unfamiliar. A young man up near the front of the crowd wore a buttoned, blue silk shirt and ponytail similar to the Vox style, though not quite. He pointed to the pie slices. “Oh, yes, of course,” Ezra mumbled. Self-consciousness was quickly taking hold of him; for the first time since his arrival in the Center of the Universe, he was starting to feel unnaturally large in comparison to the world around him. Nonsense, he knew, for Sky Folk were the proper size granted to them by the Sun and blessed by the Moon. But here there were only stars. Nevermind it; he had business to do, and fell back on the means of advertisement he’d seen employed in Mielle since his childhood. He cleared his throat. “You have never tasted pie like this,” he bellowed as he pointed out to the crowd. “Never in your lives! A perfect balance of sugar, and only the finest! Nothing but the plumpest and ripest berries, and a crust like biting into a cloud! A slice will still be good seven days from now! And so…” Perhaps it had been his tone of voice? Had he been too loud after all? The crowd was dispersing quickly, covering their ears. Parents grabbed children, all of them staring up awkwardly at him as they excused themselves. Had he done it wrong? That was how business was done, wasn’t it? One sold one’s wares based on them being the finest color, the most durable build or the most luxurious taste. The exaggeration was key and expected. Sky artisans prided themselves on being the grandest, the loudest, the ‘most.’ But of course, this was not a Sky marketplace and he had just committed some kind of faux pas. Turning away again, he swallowed his hurt feelings and went to cutting one of the slices even smaller. “Free samples, maybe if I gave free samples…” “Might I have one?” The voice should have been drowned out by the crowd, so quiet and reserved it was, but Ezra heard it clear as a bell. It came from a man in a plain, long black cloak hung with herbs at the belt, wearing a wide-brimmed hat that obscured whatever part of his face his ornate black mask did not. He was exceptionally tall for a human, with long limbs and fingers like branches. With his hands gloved and his face covered it was difficult to discern his age, but the voice suggested an older man. The mouth, just visible under the mask, had thin lips and wrinkles, and the complexion was a striking red. Basil’s skin had a reddish-copper tint to it, but this man was the same color red as the strawberries. He may not have been a human at all, but he was a potential customer, and Ezra wouldn’t miss it. He offered the man a slice, suddenly quite aware of how much more exciting the herb rolls, roast ducks and violet honeycomb being sold around him seemed in comparison to his own offering. The man took a slow bite, and then nodded. Another crowd had gathered around him, and this one was quiet, as if awaiting his word. “It’s quite good, very good. I have not had crust like this in ages. I know this taste…really, it is to be experienced.” He nodded again, and Ezra realized the slice was already gone. When had the old man eaten it all? This prompted an eruption of whispers from the crowd. “The Gourmet likes it!” “Well of course he does, he has such fantastic taste.” “If the Gourmet likes it…” “Sky Cuisine, right? I thought it was all too spicy.” “You’re thinking of imitations! The real stuff is very rich and nourishing. I heard so many stories.” “Well, the Gourmet should know…” Seconds later, Ezra was practically drowning in demands for pie, being paid in strange Moon-patterned coins by the handful. Taken aback, he managed as well as he could, trying to be sure everyone at least got to try a bit of the sample even after the larger pies were sold out. They were too big, he realized that now, and yet the humans taking them away ‘for later’ didn’t seem to mind. The man lingered after the crowd had left, standing as placid as the tree he resembled. Ezra turned and crouched down to face him, offering to take one of his hands. “Thank you, thank you! Sir, whoever you are. I wasn’t sure how business is done here, and I’m still not sure what I’m supposed to do with this currency, but…” The Gourmet held up one finger. “It’s alright. Quite alright. They hold my opinion in high esteem for some reason. People are quite easy to persuade, regardless of size.” He gazed outward towards the center of the marketplace, where an auction for a large bell was being held. “It’s a nostalgic taste. Brought me back to my childhood.” So, Ezra thought, the key to business was just to impress the right people? Or was this man just being kind to him? “It’s odd, though,” the Gourmet continued. “The crust, exquisite. I haven’t tasted anything like it in years. The filling was good, nothing wrong with it, but it wasn’t the same. It couldn’t match the flaky texture of the crust, and it was frankly just a little too sweet.” Against anyone else, Ezra would have stammered an indignant reply to such criticism; towards his customer he just lowered his eyes. “Well, I’m always working on improving the recipe…” “I think it is the recipe. The dough was a Kettle recipe, wasn’t it?” Ezra froze, staring at the Gourmet and trying not to fall over. “You know the name ‘Kettle?’” “Of course I do. I’ve been around. I must have tasted your mother’s cooking once, or was it your grandfather? I know the Kettles never sold their recipes, so for you to have access to one must make you a family member.” The Gourmet smiled, showing off very long white teeth. “Am I correct?” “…Son,” Ezra finally answered. “Last son, right now.” “And the other recipes? I’m sure they have one for strawberry filling. Even if you couldn’t get all the ingredients wherever you are now, it seems strange that…” Heat burned Ezra’s ears and neck and he tried not to sound defensive. “I haven’t mastered them. At all. My old Master made me learn under his techniques, and the Kettle recipes…” “Of course. You’re too young to be a master at them yet. But I do want to try them. How puzzling…” The Gourmet tapped his chin, and then grinned. “Tell you what. You make something next time that’s all Kettle. Give me a taste to break my heart, whatever it is. And then perhaps I’ll consider helping you out.” “Helping me out? You mean like today? That was quite-” The Gourmet snorted. “Today was nothing. Like I said, people of all walks and sizes are easily impressed. I made you some coin to buy some better ingredients and something nice for yourself here, nothing more. A Kettle should not be hawking his wares to the common folk who cannot even appreciate his techniques. He should be back in the heavens, preparing celestial desserts and making miracles. You know what Kettle recipes can create in the hands of a true master? Miracles. Magic, even.” Ezra was sure that the Gourmet was speaking metaphorically, but it didn’t matter anyway. All questions were overwhelmed by the idea that this strange man could not only help him go home, but restore his family’s name. How, Ezra had no idea, but this human-or-whatever clearly had a great deal of influence. “Sir! Thank you, sir! I promise, next time-next week. I’ll be back next week, with something like a miracle. I hope, anyway.” “No hope. Do it.” The Gourmet snapped. “And I’ll take care of any problems you have. You must miss your kinfolk anyway; this place is just so very small.” He turned to walk away, though he tossed Ezra one more handful of coins on the way out. “I’d suggest shopping for the best ingredients here. Use your instincts as a chef. Trust them!” “Yes! Ingredients! Of course, thank you!” Ezra cradled the coins in his bag, a little baffled at his newfound fortune. He probably had to spend it all here, he imagined, for he couldn’t see any other use for those moon-printed coins. That meant he had to get to work. New pots for certain, and fine sugar, perhaps molasses or foreign fruits that would last the week. Maybe he could find some kind of magnifier so he could see details better; it would ease the difficulty of making pastries smaller than he was used to. Hadn’t there been something else he had meant to look out for? A plant of some kind? It had to be a vegetable, right? Of course, vegetables for meat pies. That was what he’d been thinking of, wasn’t it?