#literally ted with anyone would be so sweet

[lunatic-pudge]

TF2 Mercs Green Flags (except it's very biased)

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I love my boys. Yes, this is biased and questionable. But this is meant to be cute and fun.

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Scout:

-Silly little goober, great person to be around when you need cheering up

-Golden retreiver boyfriend

-Can easily make you laugh without even trying

-Artsy fartsy

Pyro

-Cutie patootie who makes the cutest drawings of you two together

-Owns an Easy Bake Oven

-Master at baking, never-ending supply of sweets for you to indulge in

-Your biggest supporter. Would literally cheer for you if you rob a bank

Soldier

-Also your biggest supporter, will demand that other adore you as well

-Will let you own any pet you want no matter what the animal is

-Speeches of why you're the best thing to ever exist and how America is blessed to have such a beauty like you live there

-Will give you anything and everything you could ever want, like human ears. Definitely a good person to be if you like collecting weird stuff

Demo

-Precious baby boy is a major cuddle bug

-Def knows how to knit/crochet, will make you whatever you want

-Baby man likes learning about folklore/mythology

-He's essentially a big walking teddy bear. Perfect for cuddles, especially on a cold or rainy day

Heavy

-GIANT WALKING TEDDY BEAR

-Protective baby boy, big scary dog privleges

-Bookworm, can recommend a good book if you don't know what to read

-Perfect person to lay around and cuddle with, he can smother me any day. Dates at home are TOP TIER

Engie

-THE BEST PERSON TO GO TO WHEN YOU'RE HAVING AN OFF DAY HANDS DOWN

-Smart boy, can make you stuff that helps with day to day activities which is helpful if you can't do certain things to having a disability or something

-Dad bod, dad bod, dad bod, dad bod, dad bod, can't get enough of it

-Voice of an angel, will sing for you if you'd like. Can def sing you to sleep

Medic

-NERD, he's an adorable nerd! Let him ramble about his hyperfixations!

-Def a good pet owner, would kill someone if they don't take proper care of their pets

-Would make sure you take care of yourself, he's kinda like a dad that cares

-He's such a maniac. I can see him just secretly being up to no good all the time. And he's also very girlypop

-Putting an extra for him cause I can: Medic boobs. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

Sniper

-Sweet, precious baby boy who can do no wrong. He strikes me as someone who listens to EVERYTHING when it comes to music. He ain't genrephobic

-Also a collector of weird things. Likes making bone jewlery. Bone boy

-I just love the concept of him being feral? This is probably the weirdest thing on the list. Like there's the golden retreiver boyfriend (Scout), and then there's the feral boyfriend (Sniper). Literally acts like a cat, hiding away from people, hissing when people that aren't you tries to touch him, will demand attention/affection from you, ect. I need to make a more detailed idea of a feral boyfriend so work with me plz

-He would absolutely let you wear his clothes, thinking about how adorable you look. He'd do the same with your clothes if they're big enough for his lanky body. You two swap jackets in the winter time so you guys always have a piece of each other when you two are busy and aren't able to see each other

Spy

-I know a running joke is that Spy is a smelly French asshole, but I really do think that he wears some of the nicest smelling cologne out there. Expensive af colonge, but damn, it's addicting

-Smarty pants. Not just anyone can be a spy, it takes quite a bit of intellect for it. And not to mentions he knows multiple languages? Love it, even if I hate the French language with a burning passion

-Him having a good taste in fashion? He's gotta know what he's doing by wearing suits all the time. Not only does he look fresh af, but people always look so good in a suit, especially when it fits them. But please also picture him dressed in a more romantic goth aesthetic plz, okay I'll stop now

-Is good at paying attention to even the littlest of details about his partners. Even if you're trying to be cryptic or subtle about things, he'll always find out. He's def a protective type too

[allied-mastercunt]

Yandere AM is cruel. But what kinds of yanderes would the main 5 be? Who would be safer to be with? (Plot twist it's neither of them/hj)

i love how since you don't know me well, you assume that the very mild version of yandere AM i showed so far is cruel to you.

The Five as yanderes

Ellen (book leaning)

The emotional type.

Ellen is the only one who kept some of her humanity. She still cares about the others. And she cares about you so, so much... All because you've shown her kindness the others don't show her anymore.

No, to the others, she's scum. She's aware of that. She knows they only really bother to take care of her because she let them all use her body. She's accepted that it was her only real value for the rest of the group. Well, maybe except for Benny, Benny was nice to her most of the time.

But you? You felt bad for how the others treated her. You offered her a shoulder to cry on. You offered to hold her, let everything out. And she missed being loved. She missed being cared for and held.

She becomes addicted to it. To you. She wants all of your attention, all of your affection, all of your love.

She'll scream. She'll cry. She'll beg.

She loves you. She needs you.

And she'll do anything in her power to make sure she gets you.

Gorrister (game and book mixed)

The wifebeater violent type.

There's very little left of what Gorrister used to be. A once passionate man who then lost himself, first to how his life turned out and then to that damn computer. He was now heartless, both literally and figuratively.

And yet, it would seem a certain kind of passion was... re-awakened in Gorrister. All because of your sweet self.

You tried so hard to reach inside him again. To try and find the man he once was. You could say you succeded, in a way. A very hurtful way, sadly.

Gorrister was now an angry man with an unhealthy attachment to you. He wanted you all to himself, no matter what he'd have to do to keep the small spark of light in his life.

And if beating you was the only way to get you to work with him? That's what he's gonna do, darling.

Ted (book and game mixed)

The manipulative type.

Ted is an expert at lying and manipulating people for his advantage. Especially now. He's a charmer, really! And you're just so easy for him, so nice, so sweet... He loves it.

He manages to wrap you around his little finger. He'll convince you that he's your knight in shining armor, that he's your only real friend, that you can depend on him, that he'll protect you...

He's your only friend around there, really! The only person you can really trust!

He's possessive and has a tendency to objectify his partners. Especially women. His mind was a truly dark place now, seeing as he barely respected anyone at this rate. You have to listen through his rants about how all the others are affected by AM and how he's the only sane one. He'll insult everyone, you included.

And then he'll gaslight you into thinking he's right and that you're slowly losing your mind because of AM. He's your only true beacon of hope, your only link to sanity.

And you'll do everything for him, won't you?

Benny

The worshiping type.

Poor Benny doesn't really understand love anymore, due to all the damage AM caused to his brain. But he understands all the kindness you've shown him. He knows you were the one who comforted him through all the pain caused by that damn machine.

Especially since you'd try to chase after him and help save him from more pain. You did your best for him, and he took your kindness when he could, his brain warping it into a worship-like obsession.

It starts off innocent. If he managed to find something "nice", he'd bring it to you. He would follow you, seek you out, do anything for your attention to be on him exclusively, even if he had to pull you away from the others and hold you down to cuddle him.

And he's very physically strong. He's not letting go, you're the most important person in his life, after all. The others need to learn that, too. Or he'll use those teeth AM gave him to rip their guts out.

But hey, their hearts would be a great offering for you.

To show just how great his love to you is.

Nimdok

The twó-faced type.

He's an old man who barely remembers anything about his past. You naturally want to help him, don't you? Of course you do, you're such a kind person...

But the truth is, even without his memory, you can never take the cruelty out of a monster. And he worked with doctor Mengele himself, he may not be as bad as the Angel of Death himself, but he's definitely no saint.

For you, though, he's just a poor old man that AM torments alongside the others. But the others...?

Well, he might not remember what he did, but he sure remembers how to be a scary motherfucker and how to form his incredibly detailed, whispered threats to make them all leave you alone. And of course, he will make those threats come true if needed.

You have no clue, of course. You think he's a sweet old man, the only one who's actually nice to you, unlike the others who push you away.

And the others... they get to see his true colors.

[qveerthe0ry]

Truth or Consequences

Summary: You know deep down the hatred is only for himself and the turmoil he’s got boiling inside of him. Why else would he be paying to see you every week? Word Count: 3,442 Pairing: Ted Garcia x ftm! reader Rating: 18+ Explicit Warnings: 18+ mdni, dom/sub dynamic, mild humiliation/degredation, (LOTS of) dirty talk, internalized homophobia, reader uses the f slur and t slur to refer to himself, sucking the strap, rough oral sex, deepthroating, coming untouched, paying for sex, reader has top surgery scars but no other physical descriptions, no use of y/n, Ted Garcia is a republican A/N: I literally could not have done this without @for-a-longlongtime hyping me up and giving me motivation. Thank you bby <3

It’s late. It always is. You’ve been holed up in this hotel room for the last hour and a half. Waiting. 

You don’t like when he makes you wait. He knows this, and perhaps it’s why he’s never shown up on time.��

At least there’s Coke Zero in the minibar, and enough cable channels to keep you entertained. 

But you click the TV off when you hear the familiar “knock-knockknock-knock” on the hotel room door. 

You take your time straightening yourself up in the mirror, knowing he’s sweating it out in the hallway, where anyone could see. 

It’s a small town. 

You cut off his second attempt at the secret knock and tug him in by the collar of his tacky leather vest.

His eyes grow wide and he flinches when the heavy door slams shut behind him. 

It’s cute, how he always seems so frightened. 

“Took your sweet time tonight.”

He clears his throat and blinks hard before his pretty lips part. 

“Secretary lost part of my speech— ”

His sentence cuts off with a high-pitched whine when you grab his jaw to manually shut his mouth. You click your tongue at him and feel his Adam's apple bob against your wrist. 

“Try again.”

You notice his chest heaving, and you feel his jaw work under your fingertips. 

“I— I’m sorry.”

Fuck, he looks so good like this, scared shitless and tenting his faded Wrangler blue jeans. 

You release his jaw, but grab onto the curls at the nape of his neck and tug. 

“Not quite.”

He curses, eyes shut tight. 

“I’m sorry, sir.”

You chuckle and watch as the noise goes straight to his cock. 

“That’s it, there he is. You have to mind your manners, Mr.Mayor. Don’t you wanna get re-elected?”

He whimpers and nods his head, and your fingers tighten their grip in his hair. 

“Yes sir, I do.”

You hum as you let your free hand find those curls at the nape of his neck, too. You thread your fingers together at the back of his head and watch his tense expression melt into something more relieved. 

“Tell me your safe word.”

With a shuddered breath, he speaks. 

“Insurrection.”

“And if your pretty mouth is full?”

His hand finds your waist, tapping three times in a row. 

“Good boy,” you mumble, ruffling his hair. 

You watch as his skin flushes, trickling from under his collar to spread across his face. 

His hand is still on your waist. You grab it slowly, then all at once torque on his arm so he twists away from you with a yelp. You crowd him from behind, get your other hand around his elbow, and kick the back of his knee.

He collapses onto the gaudy carpet with a groan, arching his back to relieve the tension in his shoulders where you’ve still got his arms in a death grip behind him. 

You love to watch him squirm around. 

“You know the drill, Mayor.”

You release your hold on him and watch some of the tension melt away. He digs around in his pocket and comes up with his phone, as always, letting his face unlock it for you. He sets it down on the bed in front of him, then holds his hands behind his back with amusing obedience. 

“Pretty quiet tonight. Nervous?”

He shakes his head immediately, a knee-jerk reaction. You’re behind him, so you can’t see his face, but you know his eyebrows are all pinched up. You know he’s lying. 

You weave your fingers through his curls once more and tug so he’s looking up at you. 

“Why are you lying to me?”

His lips part, pretty pink tongue peeking out to wet them. 

“I’m sorry, sir. I am nervous. Big day tomorrow.”

You’re well aware of the events to take place over the next 24 hours. His last big speech before the town either votes him out or keeps him around. You don’t dwell over politics, especially not now, but you’re well aware that the polls are leaning toward the former rather than the latter. 

“Poor baby,” you coo, “I can’t imagine why you’d be nervous.”

Your fingers twist a cruel motion in his hair and he whines, tries to worm his way out of your grip. 

“You’re just the best little Mayor there ever was, aren’t you? Pouring more funding into the corrupt police department…” 

You stroke his face with your free hand, and though it’s tender, he flinches at first contact.

“Tweeting about the evil gay agenda…” 

Your thumb finds his chin, then his plush bottom lip, and you hold his mouth open as he squeezes his eyes shut. 

“How about that secretary of yours? The one who’s salary doubled in your four years in office, huh? Does she know you come to see me every week?”

He doesn’t respond, just makes a pathetic little noise in the back of his throat. You pull his hair again. 

“Answer me.”

“No! No, sir, she doesn’t.”

His words come out a little garbled where you’re holding his bottom lip. You hook your thumb behind his front teeth and slowly drag down, until his mouth is wide open. His eyelids flutter, just in time to watch you spit into his gaping mouth, stray droplets landing on his nose and cheeks and chin. 

“You don’t tell her about us, Mr.Mayor? Are you ashamed of me?”

He curses, struggles in your hold, and you let him go. Though he keeps his hands together behind his back, he tilts his head forward, presents the back of his neck to you. It’s flushed, in this twisted mix of shame and arousal that always gets him off. 

“Yes sir, I am.”

You huff, tut at him and kick at the sole of one of his Lucchese cowboy boots. 

“Well that’s not very nice.”

He makes to lift his head up and look at you, but you shove his head back down. 

“Why don’t you just sit here for a minute and think about how you can make it up to me, huh?”

“Yes sir,” he nods. 

You let out a satisfied hum and grab your bag from the foot of the bed. Closing the bathroom door behind you, you get to work suiting up for the occasion. This is your favorite part, taking your time and letting him anticipate. You know he’s on-edge out there, waiting for you, wondering how you’re going to punish him this time. 

You’ve railed him within an inch of his life, sat on his face until he’s nearly blue, edged him for so long you almost made him late for an early morning meeting. But tonight, you’ve got just the thing, know exactly what to do to make sure he’s thinking about it until the next time he comes to see you. 

You look in the mirror when you’re ready, jeans pulled back up so only your largest, most obscene strap-on is hanging out of your fly. Your flannel shirt hangs open, top surgery scars on full display. You know he likes them, and you know he hates that. 

You slowly and quietly open the bathroom door. A smirk spreads across your face when Ted is right there where you left him, shaking a bit, but otherwise perfectly still. 

His breath hitches in the quiet hotel room when he feels you reclaim you space behind him. You chuckle, and he curses, and you wonder if this will ever get less fun. 

“You really hurt my feelings, Teddy Bear.” 

He grumbles at the nickname you’ve given him. He’s not so fond, but you think there’s a ring to it. 

“Sorry, sir.” 

“Look at me, Mayor.” 

Despite the show of reluctance he’s put on, his head snaps up and back to look at you. His nostrils flare, and you know deep down the hatred is only for himself and the turmoil he’s got boiling inside of him. Why else would he be paying to see you every week?

You swear you see his pupils grow even larger when his gaze lands on the monster of a cock in front of his face. If that wasn’t enough, his tongue swipes over his bottom lip and quickly retreats, like his morals are just a second behind his horny little brain.

Your yes flick past his head to his phone, still unlocked on the bed. You grab it and hum, act like you’re going through his apps just to watch the way he squirms on his knees for you. 

You finally open the camera, and the little blip sounds and lets him know you’re recording. 

He looks great on tape like this, looking up at you with his wide, brown eyes. The bulge in his jeans is even more prominent since they’re such a light wash, and the lens even picks up on the tiny little patch of dampness that soaks through the denim. 

You pull the phone up, angle it down a bit more so your dick is on display, eclipsing the view of his face. The pale silicone contrasts beautifully with his flushed and tan skin. You take it in hand, stroke it a few times, though your fingers can’t quite wrap around the entire thing. 

Ted’s squirming in the near background, shifting from knee to knee, and you think he’s waited long enough. 

You step forward, and he opens his mouth. You chuckle and grab his jaw, run your thumb along his wet lip. 

“Eager little beaver, aren’t you, Mayor?”

On camera, you watch him tear away his gaze from your prick to your face. His forehead wrinkles up, he doesn’t want to answer. 

“Don’t get camera shy, baby. Let’s see your manners.”

His mouth finally closes, and he swallows and clears his throat. 

“Yes sir.”

“Yes sir, what?”

He tries to look down, but you keep his jaw firmly in place. His nostrils flare again, but the camera also picks up the way his hips shift forward, his straining cock begging for relief against his fly.

“Yes sir, I’m eager.”

You hum. 

“Eager for what, Teddy Bear?” 

His jaw clenches, you can feel it under your palm. 

“Eager for your cock, sir.”

You nod silently, and his eyes flicker up to your face instead of the phone. 

And then you release his jaw, grab the base of your cock, and slap him with the cold silicone. 

The noise he makes is pathetic, all strung out and desperate, and so you do it again, and again, until a phallic red streak adorns his face. 

“This what you wanted my cock for?”

He nods quickly.

“Yes, sir.”

“Yeah? Want me to leave a bruise? Want the shape of my cock on your face for the whole town to see tomorrow?”

A sound escapes his throat like he’s just got the wind knocked out of him, and he opens his mouth to answer, but you don’t let him. Instead, you smack his shiny lips with the head your dick. 

“I know you do, Mr.Mayor. I know you want everyone to see what a good little cocksucker you are.” 

His tongue reaches out to press against your cock, swirl around the large mushroom head of it.

“Yeah, that’s it. Get it nice ‘n wet.”

He does, lets saliva pool in his mouth and then sinks his mouth further down, pulling back to reveal what a dutiful job he’s done with drool slipping from the corner of his mouth. 

“Imagine if this got leaked, Ted,” you murmur.

He whines, opens his mouth once more to take you in, even further this time, but still barely past the head. 

“You’d like that? You think you’d get more votes if they knew how good you are at this?”

He nods around your prick, looking directly at the camera, and fuck, it’s a sight, makes a low heat build in your gut that you try your damndest to ignore. 

So you thrust into his mouth, a slow but smooth motion, watching through the phone how wide you’re stretching his lips. He takes a deep breath through his nose until he can’t anymore, until you’re feeding the tip of your cock down his throat and he closes his eyes in focus. 

“Fuck, yeah, I think they’d love this,” you say, and you’re completely sheathed inside him, holding, waiting until he can’t take it anymore. 

He pulls back with a gasp and you let him, watching his spit dribble from his mouth, loving the deeper shade of red his lips are turning. 

“Don’t you think so, Teddy Bear? You’re so inclusive now, sucking off a faggot and a tranny.” 

He chokes on his spit, sputters and coughs until his face is red. But he whimpers, too, and he tries so hard to wiggle in his jeans and find even the smallest bit of friction. 

You laugh at him, how desperate and wrecked he looks just from sucking on your fake cock. The damp patch on his pants has doubled in size and something about it makes you feel so so powerful. 

“Tell ‘em how much you like my cock, Mayor.”

He clears his throat and looks directly at the camera. 

“I love your cock, sir.”

As soon as he’s done speaking, you run the slick tip all over his lips. 

“Yeah you do. Look so pretty with it in your mouth. Why don’t you take off all those layers? Show ‘em how pretty you can be?”

“Yes sir,” he nods.

He’s quick about it, throwing his vest off and fumbling with the buttons on his shirt until it’s hanging off his shoulders. It goes, and his tank top underneath does as well once he gets it untucked. 

And then he’s just in his sinfully tight jeans, looking up at you with a heaving chest. 

“That’s a good boy,” you mumble. 

He sits back on his heels with a sigh. 

“Thank you, sir.”

It’s a little tender, the way you smooth your free hand across his broad shoulder, the soft muscle jumping under your touch. You film the way his breath hitches when your palm ghosts his pebbled nipple, then the way he shudders when you flick it. 

“You really are so pretty, Mr.Mayor. Love how these get so hard for me,” you tell him as you roll one between your thumb and finger. 

His head lolls back, and his mouth opens around a groan when you squeeze. You give the other one just as much attention, until you feel him trembling under you. 

Then, you reach up to wrap your hand around his bobbing throat, no pressure, just for show. 

“Hmmm… think maybe we should get you a collar. Make you even prettier. Would you like that, too?”

He nods with his eyes shut. You give him a moment to realize where he’s at, but when it’s clear he’s lost in his head, you slap his cheek. 

“Yes! Yes, yes sir, I would.”

His glassy eyes stare up at you, past his recording phone. 

“Yeah, have you wear it to all your fancy meetings, let all your constituents know who you really belong to.”

You hear him gulp, loud in the quiet room, and watch him squirm around some more, watch how his cock jumps in his jeans. 

“Who do you belong to? Who owns this mouth, and that weeping little cock?” 

“You do, sir. It’s all yours.”

“That’s right, Mr.Mayor. Let me take what’s mine, huh?” 

He opens his mouth with a slack jaw, and his eyes looks so beautiful when they roll back as you fill his mouth. 

Instead of thrusting, you grab a fistful of his hair and pull him into your cock. He keens around the silicone, so fucking needy. You curse and whisper his name, and that only gets more of a reaction from him. He’s humping the air now, a frantic roll of his hips, and you know he’s found that sweet spot where his jeans rub against him just right.

For a moment you let him go at his own pace. On camera, the bobbing of his head and the jerks of his hips are synced. His eyes are shut, and he’s really fucking into it, and as much as you hate to admit it, you are too. 

The silicone base of your cock is pressing up against the perfect spot to get you heated. It doesn’t take long for you to still Ted’s head with a firm grip and start fucking his mouth. 

He looks up at you just as he gags. His eyes are starting to water, and his chin is covered in drool. You thrust harder, deeper, until his eyes look a bit frantic and his breathing gets labored. 

“Fuck, Mayor, you’re gonna get me off like this,” you say as you slow, give him a bit of a break to catch his wind. 

He whimpers, and he closes his spread legs and rubs them together, aching for a bit more. 

“You like that? You wanna make me come?”

His ‘yes sir’ is muffled around your cock, and it jiggles in the harness when he nods his head and that feels so fucking good. 

“Get me off and then I’ll let you come. Gotta do it just like that, though. Don’t fucking touch yourself, Ted.”

He whimpers and doubles his effort, sloppy, knocking the huge cock all around to try to get you off with his panicked movements. You watch through the camera as the muscles in his arms and shoulders and chest all tense up, and you can’t tell whether or not he’s trying to come or trying not to come. 

You’re getting close, the sweaty glide of the smooth base flicks against your throbbing bud. Your own breathing starts to pick up, and you’re so close but it’s just not quite enough. 

So you grab the back of his head and thrust, slip the silicone to the back of his throat and grind until you finally, finally tumble over the edge. 

He’s gagging and coughing with the prick still in his mouth, and the tears are running down his face one right after the other and it only makes those waves keep crashing in a delicious rhythm. 

When you pull back, just a bit, there’s teeth marks on your cock, shiny with spit on the video recording. You give another thrust just to punish him for it, and it sets off a fucking gorgeous chain reaction.

It ripples from his head to his toes. His breaths are more than labored, evident even when his shoulders shake and stiffen, his stomach clenches and unclenches and his hips jolt and stutter as he squeezes his legs together. 

You pull your cock from his mouth just in time to kneel down and get a close up of his jeans, and the way that wet spot gets larger and larger as his cock jerks and his hips roll. 

The sounds he makes are so fucking pathetic it’s almost funny, whimpering and sniveling as he just keeps coming, spurt after spurt absolutely soiling his pants. 

His legs shake with the last few pulses, and then he’s slumping, completely ruined from head to toe. You lean back on your own knees so the camera gets an Oscar-worthy pan of his stomach and chest, heaving and sweaty. Up even further to his freshly fucked mouth, all red and shiny and swollen. And his eyes, wide and almost scared looking in his post-nut clarity and guilt, don’t quite meet you or the lense. 

“Smile real pretty for the camera, Teddy Bear.” 

And to his credit, he does, though it’s anything but genuine and much more resembles a grimace than anything else. 

The sound of the recording ending marks the end of this little session as well. Both sets of bones pop and crack as you stand up together. The dressing is quiet, as it always is, and he doesn’t steal a single glance at anything other than the tacky hotel room carpet. 

He clears his throat, and you look up from buttoning your shirt to see him still flushed and still guilty. He’s dressed, but he’s holding his vest in front of him and shielding the soaked spot on his jeans from view. 

“Thanks, I guess.” 

You hum and shrug as he grabs the door handle. 

“Same time next week?”

He shrugs then, too, but you know the answer already, know that next Monday you’ll have another bundle of taxpayer dollars come through on your venmo. 

He leaves without another word. 

When you watch his speech on the news the next day, his voice is noticeably more hoarse and gruff.

[generalkenobee]

hello! do you have anymore ted logan headcanons you'd be up for sharing? or possibly evil robot ted? im currently experiencing ted logan brainrot because I recently watched the first 2 films for the first time and I have the PHATTEST crush on ted lol it's embarrassing

AHHHH YESYESYES I DO THANK YOU YESYESYESYES I LITERALLY HAVE SOOOO MANY TED LOGAN IDEAS YOU DONT EVEN KNOW

Warnings: contains both SFW and NSFW

🎸cutie patootie! Ted

- oh my gosh he loves you

- he'll do anything you ask.. anything!

- once in history looked at Bill and said "dude I'm totally a president!" After learning about teddy Roosevelt

-smells you...like a lot

-gives the best hugs ever like actually

-youre the first to get your license in the relationship so you drive him to school every morning while he plays music

-lets you paint his nails and put makeup on him

-always holding hands

-definition of a gentle giant

-his hands are about twice the size of yours

-likes to be the little spoon

-Ted Theodore Logan can not cook.

-please play with his hair

-the first time you complained about your period his dead ass response was "what's that?" 💀

-his dad doesn't really like you but he doesn't really like anyone so it's ok

-him sneaking in your room in the middle of the night while everyone is asleep>>>

NSFW

-sub/ gentle dom

-you'll never forget the noise he said when he first slid in it was like "wait wait wait oh my- I augh.. please no.. it's too much please i-" and it was only half his length-

-sososososoo pussy whipped

-lazy sex

-gently jerky him while he sits on his bed and tells you about his day

-PERV!

-literally taking peaks down your blouse all the time

-lovesss to suck on your boobs while you run your fingers through his hair, holding him close to you

-wont tell anyone what you do together because it's such an intimate moment

-other than Bill...

-bursts into the room while holding your hand pulling you along " BILL BILL BILL GUESS WHAT WE JUST DID!!"

-doesn't realize how horny you get when you see him play

-hes also clueless so..this is how that plays out

"Ted you're so good at guitar.." you said biting your lip looking him up and down "your fingers just move so fast baby" your sweet boyfriend looked up at you from his instrument smiling "thanks babe!" After he said that he quickly looked back down working on his music. You say there looking him in the eye rubbing your thighs together while literally telling him how much you loved his fingers and he just looked away

-hes a massive pervert but he's clueless at the same time yk?

-does not know how to please you the first time so just be patient and tell him what you like

-first time he ate you out was like a dog trying to get peanut butter out of one of those toys..

-I feel like he would excel at fingering you..I mean have you seen the guys hands? And he plays guitar?

-sneaking in just to finger you>>

-lord please moan his name while he's rutting up into you..

IF YOU WANNA HEAR ABOUT MORE OF EVIL! TED LET ME KNOW I KINDA JUST DID CUTIE! TED FOR THISSS🩷

[crazyk-imagine]

Mended Relationships and the Future

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x Fem!reader Characters: Fem!reader, Ted Lasso, Coach Beard, Keeley Jones, Jamie Tartt, Rebecca Welton, Isaac Mcadoo, Colin Hughs, Sam Obisanya, Dani Rojas, Jan Maas, Roy Kent, literally all of the players (I just can’t think of their names) Warnings: Slight angst, fluff, cursing, mentions of pregnancies, mentions of reader not taking care of themselves (don’t do this), Jamie being sweet, reader and Jamie being dummies for a second, the team being so goddamn adorable, the team gives such family vibes, Jamie pretending the reader and he are engaged so he can stay with her, Ted and Beard are a powerful duo, this is my favorite TL fic that I’ve written Word Count: 3,783

A/N: Bits and pieces are based on this post

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You walk into the coach’s office with your hands in your hoodie pocket, clutching onto your phone to keep your hands busy. "Why did you wake me up and force me here, Ted?" 

"That's not a can-do attitude." 

Your expression doesn't change, if anything, you look more tired and drained. Another reason why the mustached man got you out of your home. "Ted." 

He sighs. "I wanted to check in on you, haven't seen you in a minute." 

You sigh. "I would prefer it if I were in my bed right now to be honest with you." 

"After we go out to lunch." 

"I want to be out of here before I run into..." You pause when you almost say his name. "You know what- I'm just- I’m gonna go." You barely turn around and hear the door open. 

It takes you less than a second to duck, which makes Ted feel a little bad but doesn't change his mind. 

He knows you two need to talk, especially when neither of you want to admit who broke up with who... or why it happened. 

Your emotions take a toll on your body again and you crawl towards the trash can, dry heaving until you feel it coming up (again). 

Beard kindly closes the door before anyone could walk in or hear you as Ted rubs the space between your shoulders. 

"How long have you been feeling like this?" 

You shrug. 

"How long?" He asks again. 

"A few weeks." 

Ted glances over at his long-time buddy with wide eyes. "Please don't get upset or take offense when I ask this but have you-" 

'Play dumb. Play dumb.' "Have I what? Use words, my brain isn't functioning off your noises." 

"Is there a possibility that you could be, you know, with child?" 

Your head snaps up. 'He knows.' "Why would you ask that?" 

"You have a few of the signs." 

"When was the last time you went to a doctor?" Beard chimes in. 

"A while ago." 

"So, you know?" 

"Whether or not I'm pregnant with my ex-boyfriend’s baby, who coincidentally told me he doesn't want kids just as I wanted to tell him I do. Yeah, it was right as I was about to tell him I am with child, which is why I've been dodging all of you but you and Beard here," you point to Ted's sidekick, who waves. "Dragged me out of my house." 

"Oh, honey." 

"Does he know?" Coach beard intervenes (again). 

"What do you mean?" 

"You said, you wanted to tell him... did you?" Ted politely asks. 

"He broke up with me, so I didn't give him my surprise, but I tell people it was mutual because he asked me if," the tears roll down your cheeks. "If it was okay. The fucking ex-cockiest player of all, asked me if I was going to be okay, so of course I said yes and then he left. We haven't spoken since." 

"He should know." 

"I know but he is scared to death to have his own kids. Why would I-" You scoot back and rest your head against the wall. "I want to go home. I have a few things coming later today and I need to be there for them. It’s time I start," you take a deep breath. “Getting things ready.” 

"We can get those later, I've gotta make sure you're okay right now." 

"I'd be better if this nausea, vomiting combo would go away." 

"Do you want me to have Keeley get you a ginger ale or something?" 

"Yeah." 

The door opens and there she is. She stares at you with the same look she gives you every time you throw up. "I had a feeling you were going to need this." 

-

Jamie sees what he imagines is a glimpse of you sitting in his coach’s office. He furrows his brows, wondering if it was really, you or if it's a figment of his imagination... again. 

It wouldn’t be the first time this week. 

-

"What?" She practically screams when Ted tells her on behalf of you, the Jamie not knowing part; she already knew you were pregnant, but she thought he knew and decided not to be in either of your lives. Now she feels a little bad about not being nice to him. 

You bury your head in your hands. "Shut up. Don't shout anymore, please." 

"Can you blame me? That's big fucking news babes. I thought he already knew." 

"Yeah, I know. Just, shut the door please." 

She doesn't, so you push yourself up and close the door. 

You sway as you take a step back, “oh, boy.” You can hear their voices but not hear their words. You feel yourself falling backwards before it fades to darkness. 

Ted and Beard catch you, carefully laying you down so the latter can call for an ambulance. 

Jamie steps closer to the office, sensing something’s happened. He opens the door and his jaw dropped as he’s about to ask what's going on until his eyes land on you. 

He immediately falls to his knees beside you, holding your face in his hands, not caring about the rug burn that’s going to ache later. "What happened?" 

No one responds. 

"What fucking happened?" 

Ted doesn't feel he should be the one to tell him and does all that he can to try and calm down his player. "She's fine, she probably didn't have enough to eat for breakfast, is all." 

"Bullshit. She's done that before and never fainted before." He stares down, studying your face. "So, why is she fucking unconscious?" 

-

You don't know anything that happened within the last few hours. 

All you know is that there is an annoying beeping sound coming from the side of you and your one hand is warmer than it normally is. 

You slowly open your eyes, blinking multiple times as you try to adjust to the lighting. You look for the source of the warmth and find Jamie, holding your hand with his head rested on his arm with his head facing you. 

The door opens and you find Ted peaking in. 

The way his shoulder sags in relief makes you feel bad. 

He tiptoes closer and lets you know what happened. 

"Why is he here?" 

He smiles as he peaks over at the sleepy man. "He didn't leave your side." 

"How did he know?" 

"He came in as we were calling for an ambulance. You scared him, he would barely let the paramedics help." 

"Isn't family only allowed in here?" 

"Apparently you two are engaged." 

You owlishly blink. "What?" 

"He said you two were engaged and he needed, no, no. That's not right, he demanded, there it is. He demanded to be in the room with you. I wasn't here for most of it. In the room I mean but I think he knows because he looked very shocked and then came in here when they told him he could and hasn’t left since." 

The coach ignores the fact that your heart monitor spikes as you ask, "he knows?" 

"I think so." 

Jamie moves a little in his sleep. 

"That's my cue to leave." 

"Wait- no. Ted. Come back." You glance between him and Jamie. "Ted," you hiss. "Come back here." 

Jamie squeezes your hand as he slowly begins to wake up. 

You look back at him just in time to hear the door close. You throw your head back and sigh. 

"Sweetheart?" 

You slowly turn your head to stare at him, your eyes becoming sad. 

His shoulders sag in relief as a slow sigh escapes his parted lips. "How are you feeling? I should- I should go get the doctor, shouldn't I?" 

You reach for him, grabbing onto him before he could leave. "Jaim. Jaim?" 

He doesn't turn around but settles back into his seat. 

"Jam-Jam?" 

A sniffle fills the room. 

"Jamie, look at me." 

He shakes his head. You tighten your grip on his arm, ignoring the familiar burning sensation in your nose. "Jamie, I need you to look at me." 

"Why?" He sniffles, staring at you with his now, bloodshot eyes. "Were you ever going to tell me?" 

"Don't throw that question my way, Tartt." 

"No more, Jam-Jam?" 

"I was going to tell you." 

"What? After the birth?" 

"I'm more tempted to now." You wipe the stray tear that tipped past your eye lid before he could see. "I initially planned on telling you right when you broke up with me but, we see how well that turned out." 

“Wh- is that what you had been trying to do the whole time?” 

You nod and lean forward, drawing him into you; needing to comfort him and be comforted all at once. 

He moves closer to you, closing his eyes at the feeling of your hand against his face; something he hasn’t felt in what feels like, forever. He hadn’t realized you were wiping away his tears. 

“I wanted to figure out the best way to tell you because, I mean we hadn’t exactly talked about us having kids before and I kind of figured that with everything that went on with your dad. I thought it was going to make it hard for you to think that you could be a good dad. Which, I think is stupid.” 

He opens his mouth to ask what you mean until you continue. 

“I mean, how could you not be a good dad because personally I think you’d be absolutely fucking phenomenal.” 

“Yeah?” 

You nod, “big time. You’re already doing better than your dad.” 

“What do you mean?” 

You smile and sniff. “You’re not making any of the stupid decisions he has.” 

“I made one.” 

You tilt your head. “What was that?” 

“I broke up with you. I just-” He pulls back from you (something he does when he feels like he’s undeserving of something). “I thought- I thought you were pulling away to break up with me and you couldn’t figure out how to do it, so I-” 

“So, you thought breaking up with me first, was a better option?” 

He nods, scratching his head. 

“Come closer.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he weakly argues. 

“Come here.” 

He scoots the chair closer. 

“I need you to be honest with me when I ask these questions, okay?” 

He nods. 

You sigh through your nose and reach for his hand. “Is there any part of you that does not want to be a part of either of our lives?” 

“No.” 

“Do you want to be with me?” 

“Yes.” 

“Are you going to leave any time soon?” 

“The fuck do you take me for? I’m not going to leave you ever,” he stands up and bends down, staring into your eyes before leaning down to kiss you. “Okay? I love you too fucking much to let you go again. I hated being away from you.” 

“Same here but, I’m really happy you’re here… even if it was because I fainted.” 

“Speaking of, why did that happen exactly?” 

“I- well- I hadn’t had anything-” 

“Let’s just cut the bullshit, have you been taking proper care of yourself since we were separated?” 

You shamefully shake your head. 

He doesn’t show his disappointment, but you know it’s there. 

“I’m sorry,” you sniffle. 

“Hey, hey. Don’t cry. Isn’t that- crying is stressful on the baby, ain’t it?” 

“Not so much- I mean, maybe?” 

“Okay, well.” He grabs your hands, bringing your attention to him. “Let’s take a few deep breathes so we can calm down for Baby Tartt.” You can’t help but chuckle. “Do do do doo.” 

“Listen to you. Guess I rubbed off on you, eh?” You roll your eyes, not believing that for a second. “Does any of what you’ve said within the last two minutes sound anything like what your dad could say?” 

“Not in the least bit.” 

“See, exactly. It further proves you’re different and how much you’ve grown from the cocky man who couldn’t care less about anyone else.” 

“Hey. That’s someone we don’t speak of.” 

“Of course,” you salute him. You two can barely keep your amusement to yourselves and break into a fit of smiles and giggles. 

He stares at you, watching as you wipe your cheeks and leans up, kissing your forehead before placing his on top of your head. “I was,” he hesitates to finish his sentence. 

You nod and cup his cheek, letting him know you’re there, a simple gesture to let him know you want to hear what he has to say. 

“-so scared when I saw you lying there unconscious.” 

Your heart drops at the way his voice cracks. “Jaim. Jaim. Look at me.” 

He shakes his head. 

You don’t push any further and instead opt for bringing him closer, letting him rest against your chest, squeezing you in a hug. 

It takes a few minutes before Jamie manages to calm himself down enough to revert back to your adorable boyfriend. “Oh, shit. I didn’t hurt the baby, did I?” He asks, now scared to touch you. 

“No. You didn’t.” 

You hold out your hand for him, “do you trust me?” 

He nods, “’course I do.” 

“Give me your hand.” 

He slowly inches his hand closer and closer to you. 

You huff and reach for him. “Are you ready?” 

He doesn’t move or make a noise as you place his hand over your belly. “Am I supposed to be feeling anything?” 

“Other than knowing the fact you are going to be a father soon enough, no. I’m not that far along for us to feel any kicking.” 

He bends down as a breath of relief escapes him. “Thank god, I thought I was supposed to feel kicking or something and I didn’t, which scared me the hell out of me because I thought he already hated me.” 

“He?” 

“I mean, hello,” he gestures to himself. You roll your eyes and take your hand back from him. “You’re so going to be cursed with girls.” “How can you say that?” 

“Have you met yourself?” 

“I have and we’re actually quite happy together, sorry for the late notice, sweetheart.” 

You close your eyes and let out a dramatic sigh. 

Ted peaks his head in through the door. “I see you two have talked things out? Hopefully, if not. No pressure. Well, maybe a little seeing as I have everyone waiting in the hall.” 

“Everyone?” You repeat. 

The coach nods. “Give me second.” He looks back over his shoulder, pretending to count, “one, two, four. Yep, everyone.” 

You place your hand on your forehead. “Suddenly the thought of everyone knowing makes me nauseous.” 

“Hey, hey. Look at me.” 

You turn your head and look at your favorite person ever… for now. 

“If we can get through the team being little shits and the press making unnecessary comments about our relationship, we can get through the team knowing.” 

“We can?” He gives you an affirmative nod, “we can.” 

“We can.” 

“Atta girl.” 

“Alright, guys. They said okay,” Ted waves everyone in. 

“I suddenly realize how many of you there actually are,” you comment. 

Sam, Dani, and Colin chuckled. 

“As captain, I feel like it’s my duty to ask,” Isaac leans closer to you, talking to you in a softer tone than his normal one. “How are you?” 

You smile, “I’m better now.” 

“Good, that’s what we like to hear. Ain’t that right, team?” 

“Yes, coach!” 

“And now I’m scared.” 

“Oh, don’t be scared especially when you’re carrying a special bundle of joy,” the mustached man points out. 

“Oh fuck.” 

“Something the matter, Roy?” Ted asks. 

“Yeah. She’s carrying Tartt’s baby.” 

“I’m pretty sure they covered that topic back in school but continue.” 

“There’s going to be a baby brought into the world soon.” 

“Yeah?” Ted glances over at Beard, who shrugs. 

“With his blood coursing through its veins,” he points to your ex-not-ex-boyfriend. 

It’s quiet for three seconds before everyone groans and rolls their eyes, they think about what it could be like with a baby Jamie. 

“Hey, hey now. Let’s not think about something as crazy as that because this baby is a good thing.” 

“Yeah?” Jamie whispers, glancing back at Ted, not letting go of your hand. 

“Yes, it is,” the coach nods. “You’re going to go through one of the many joys life brings you.” 

“What’s that?” 

“Fatherhood… that, may or may not mix with a lot of uncles and two aunts who decide they want to spend time with the little booger.” 

“Would one of those many figures happen to include you, coach?” 

“No,” Ted shakes his head. 

“Not at all, Beard.” 

The door opens and heads turn. 

“Hi, I’m just here to-” The nurse takes note of the number of people in the room. “I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask anyone but the father and mother of the child to leave.” 

“Is it not believable that a woman could have this many boyfriends?” Jan asks. 

“Shut up.” A shoe aimed at his head, hits the wall and lands on the floor with a thud. 

The guys decide it’s time for them to leave, which lets you two see the few things the team has gotten, and it makes you tear up, freaking Jamie out. 

And he doesn’t want to admit it out loud, but it was really nice of them team to do. 

“Should we open some presents?” Ted softly asks, placing one in your lap. 

“Didn’t the nurse just kick you out.” 

“I’m your dad.”

 “We’re your dads,” Beard adds. 

You glance over at Jamie. 

He shrugs, not completely hating the idea of having these two around. “I would’ve liked to know about my new parents beforehand. What’s next? Roy’s my uncle.” 

“No, he’s a granddad more than anything,” Jamie chimes in. 

You wipe your cheeks and smile at him before gently pulling the tissue paper out of your way. You pull out a onesie that looks normal, until you unfold it and inspect it. You sniffle as you hold it up for Jamie to see. 

He doesn’t realize why you’re crying until he reads what the back of it, “Tartt 9”. He doesn’t feel the tears trickling down his cheeks until you wipe his cheeks. 

“Jaim?” 

He shakes his head and pulls you in for a hug, kissing the top of your head, over and over again. 

Ted smiles behind his phone. 

“We should probably give them some time alone.” 

“You think?” He asks. 

Beard nods. 

Ted sighs, “okie dokie.” 

They hold their hands up to wave, only to find your face squished against Jamie’s chest, barely able to wave them off. 

You and Jamie wind up opening every one of the other gifts, enjoying each other’s company after being apart for so long. 

“I think we should name it Jamie.” 

“Baby Tartt is not an it, it’s a baby,” you argue. 

“And we’re not naming them Jamie.” 

“Why not? It’s a good name.” 

“I’m not saying it’s a bad name but, we want our little pumpkin to be able to grow into their own, right?” 

“We-” He sighs, thinking about it, already knowing you were right. “Yeah.” 

“Good.” 

“Was that everything?” 

“I don’t know.” He glances over, finding a bag left on the floor, partially hidden so you couldn’t find it unless you were really looking. He grabs it and sets it in your lap. “What do you think it is?” 

“I don’t know,” you shrug and move it closer for him to open (feeling you’ve done enough of the unveiling with presents). 

He pulls a figure out of the bag. “A bike?” Jamie brows furrows together in confusion until he thinks about it. The light bulb goes off in his head, everything clicking together, and he smiles. 

“Is there a card?” 

“I hope so.” 

Now you’re confused. 

He pulls out what looks like a plain index card. “Free one learn how to ride a bike pass.” He chuckles. 

“I’m lost.” 

“Remember how I told you I had something funny I wanted to tell you a couple months ago, but I couldn’t because the shithead was making me train, even though Ted gave us the night off.” He huffs and sits back in the chair. 

“Okay, I don’t need the background information, just give me the synopsis.” 

“Right,” he straightens his back. “I taught Roy how to ride a bike in memory of his granddad.” 

“You did?” 

“Yeah,” he nods with a smile. 

“And he let you?” 

“Not without trying to hurt me but I did it.” 

“I’m so proud of you.” 

“Yea- really?” 

“Of course, I’m proud of you. You taught the world’s grumpiest man how to ride a bike and lived to tell the tale.” 

“I guess you’re right.” 

“Of course, I’m right.” 

“I hope the baby doesn’t get your cockiness.”

“My cockiness? What about yours?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, sweetheart.” 

“You lie.” 

He fake gasps and slaps his hand on his chest. “I take offense to that.” 

“I’m not sorry.” 

“You should be. We don’t want this one’s first word to be a lie.”

“It wouldn’t, don’t be mean,” you whine. 

“I’m not. I’m just being me.” 

“Yeah, and that’s mean.” 

He smiles and shakes his head. 

You start folding a few of the blankets the guys got, feeling the need to do something. “Hey, look. They got one with sharks.” 

“We don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl.” 

“Girls can like boy things too.” 

“Do you really want to be asked if we have a boy or a girl every day.” 

“Don’t be mean.” You smile, holding it close to your chest. “I like it. Baby Tartt, do do doo doo. Baby Tart, do do doo doo.” 

He groans, “please stop.” 

“Never.” 

You stiffle a yawn. 

“Come on,” he takes away the few things on your lap and blanket from your hands. “You need to rest.” 

“But I don’t want to.” 

He smiles at the whining tone in your voice. “I know but it’ll do the two of you well.” 

“Fine,” you tell him with a pout. “But sit by me. I… I’ve missed you.” 

“How can I say no to my girlfriend?” Jamie settles beside you and lets you lay against his chest. 

As you sleep and he’s bored, searching through the hospital’s shitty channels, he stumbles upon something interesting, an old childhood show he used to watch. 

You open your eyes to hear the song you briefly sang earlier. 

“Doo doo. Baby Tartt, do do doo doo.” 

“Jam-Jam?” 

“Hey,” he clears his throat. “How are you feeling?” 

“Better. What were you doing?” 

He shrugs. 

You smile and snuggle back into him. “I won’t tell anyone.”

[autistic-robin]

more dynamics i need to see in st5 for my mental wellbeing

1. el and dustin. that’s it send post. they were genuinely so sweet in season 1 and i miss their mad scientist/test subject vibe immensely. i know el and lucas are going to be paired up this season because of their shared connection (polyamory) to max, but i would love to see more scenes between dustin and el— maybe some lighthearted bonding over their matching leg injuries or daddy issues.

2. mike and robin. i don’t think you understand i need this like i need air. will has already had his gay awakening he doesn’t need a queer life coach!! mike on the other hand is out here in the TRENCHES. this man is down critically horrendously morifyingly BAD for will but is convinced el needs him and that will could never reciprocate his feelings. he needs robin’s gay intuition and advice if anyone does.

3. steve and jonathan. HELLO??? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO???? i know this is pretty much guaranteed to happen in st5 because full-circle character development and hammering in themes and blah blah blah but i’m still gonna talk about it because listen. steve got his shit rocked by jonathan one (1) time and immediately decided “fuck my idiot friends” developed a moral conscience and SHOWED UP AT HIS HOUSE to apologize. he wasn’t there for nancy he had no idea nancy was there!!! he bought jonathan a new camera!!! he was so respectful of nancy and jon even when nancy dumped his ass a season later!!! yet we never get closure between him and jonathan or even a conversation and i’m PISSED about it. matt and ross duffer rectify this or else.

4. hopper and jonathan and will. you see the vision. these kids have never had a stable father figure who truly understands them (i love bob but he was only there for st2 and was sweet but naive) and everything they’ve been through. jonathan DESPERATELY needs to be de-parentified and released from the emotional burden of constantly putting will and joyce before his own needs and dreams, and hopper desperately needs to feel like he can protect his family instead of “cursing” them. will needs a loving father figure who supports his queer identity, and hopper only had a fire lit under him in s1 when joyce mentioned it could have been a hate crime. this is like textbook recipe for healing and closure for these characters.

5. joyce and karen? i just think it would be neat. we know karen’s getting more involved this season and i think she should get to be a little gay for joyce as a treat. we had crumbs of their dynamic in s1 and on a more sincere note i honestly think joyce could help give karen the courage to leave ted or demand better from him moving forward.

6. nancy and mike. if they don’t have a genuine conversation i’ll actually be fuming raging pulling my hair out. i get it i get that they’re both emotionally repressed but GOD i wish we had more moments with them talking about their trauma or empathizing with each other’s survivor’s guilt and crippling savior complexes. all the “max and mike are the same character in a different font” business is very valid and i agree madwheeler is like ten shots of espresso injected directly into the bloodstream HOWEVER, nancy and mike’s traumas and emotional issues are so so similar please let them talk about it!!!!

7. steve and robin???? please for the love of god????? literally what the fuck was happening in s4 they were NOT given enough screentime together. not cool. i want them BACK on their queerplatonic bullshit in s5, fully codependent disgustingly clingy like god intended.

8. jonathan and el. i just want them to be siblings together!!! we got a lot of willel sibling vibes in s4 and some sweet jon-and-will moments, but i would love for them to delve into jonathan and el’s dynamic. this girl is a big reason why will was saved in s1 and we just… never really see the byerses address that? jonathan has a lottt of self-blaming tendencies when it comes to will and i’d love for el to help remind him he isn’t responsible for protecting and saving his brother all the time. conversely, i’d love for jonathan to remind el that she’s just a kid and that the weight of the world shouldn’t be on her shoulders. they’re both really soft-spoken and sweet characters with hard veneers and i feel like they’d pair well together for more emotional scenes.

9. literally the entire byers-hopper family they are the heart and soul of the show and i will never forgive the duffer brothers for losing that in s3-4 in favor of expanding the scope of the story. i miss them.

10. steve and el. i would maim and kill for this dynamic actually. both of them are involved in love triangles and have arcs centered around independency and platonic/found familial love, and steve has his whole mom-of-the-group shtick that could be really endearing paired with el’s plucky weird-little-girl vibe. idk i just think they would be a cute team, maybe paired with dustin or lucas.

11. stoncy and robin. literally give me this team or give me death. i miss stoncy’s iconic end-of-season-1 monster-hunting trio dynamic SO MUCH i would give anything for them to go on a sidequest and really just hash it all out with each other. and robin could offer steve moral support and comic relief— while we’re on the subject i would also kill to see her and jonathan interact!! like they are so similar in that brooding-noncomformist way and i feel like they would either immediately gravitate toward each other based on values OR immediately clash due to their personality differences. jonathan is all quiet and avoidant and robin can be… A Lot (said with love) when she’s not masking like s3. i just think they’d be funny together.

12. this is devolving quickly so scott clarke and the party. no i will not elaborate. thank you for your time

[goldbug127]

Apologies in advance for a long post!

Okay, so I'm watching Transformers Prime for the first time and I just finished the amnesia episodes.

Naturally, I have thoughts. My main one being:

This version of Orion Pax is as feral and all over the place as TF One Orion Pax!!!

HE'S JUST QUIETER ABOUT IT!

Ok first of all, obviously we don't see a lot of this Orion and 75% of the time he's just tryna figure out where he is and what's happening but I believe there's enough there to comment on.

Onto the first scene I want to talk about!

Orion Pax has just been told that his entire home planet has been destroyed, by someone he knew no less. His reaction is one we would all expect from a soldier. Clenching his fist, promising to stop Ratchet, "this I vow with all my spark", etc. etc. BUT we forget, this guy thinks he is an archivist. As far as he's aware, this guy has never fought anyone before plus, we know from later that he doesn't even know he has weapons. And sure he may not explicitly say he plans to fight anyone but, as I said, he's an archivist, his little speech was someone with a big vocabulary's version of "it's on sight if I meet this guy!"

The next scene I would like to talk about is when Arcee manages to get aboard the decepticon ship. Orion is peacefully working on his computer when he starts hearing blaster fire outside the room! What we would most likely expect a calm, sensible archivist to do is, I don't know, ask what's going on? call for help? alert some security? hide? any other number of things that wouldn't put him in immediate and potentially life threatening danger? yes, that would be logical wouldn't it? but Orion? he decides the next obvious step is to walk out into the hallway into what he must assume is an active shooting situation. Then, after being told by a guard to return to his room to be safe, he thinks about it for a moment and then continues to go out of his way to look for the source of the commotion! While knowingly disobeying what he's been told are Megatron's direct orders! He's crazy!!

I also want to talk about how Orion reacts once he starts to become suspicious of Megatron. In the scene right after being confronted by Starscream and the scene later on when Megatron asks him about his progress, Orion Pax, now very sure that the decepticon could be dangerous, decides to lie directly to his face. I would also like to point out that, after one of these scenes, Megatron says that he has never been good at lying. Orion Pax has NEVER been good at lying, meaning that Megatron has seen Orion try to lie before. I don't even know why an archivist would need to lie but apparently he finds way to get in trouble enough that he does so frequently.

Adding on to this point - after Orion finds out he has guns (and realises he can absolutely obliterate others with a few shots (something our sweet historian should have probably been more concerned about)), this GUY decides to MARCH through the ground bridge!! find MEGATRON!!!! (aka the former gladiator and current head decepticon) AND THREATEN HIM!!?!!!?! Threaten him, no less, WITHOUT USING THE GUNS HE JUST DISCOVERED HE HAD! Orion decides to fight the LITERAL TANK using glorified knives. Naturally, Megatron wipes the floor with him in less than three seconds but the fact that he even tried is insane!!

Anyway, I'll probably think of more when I've had more time to think but that's all for now.

Orion is a mad lad in every iteration.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk,

you're welcome,

I need sleep.

[cranberry-writes]

How Ted Lasso Characters would react to PDA!

Characters; Ted, Rebecca, Keeley, and Roy

Warnings; None, but i don’t know how british people act or talk so this may be a bit OOC

Ted Lasso:

-This man is the definition of a gentleman

-He probably won’t do much PDA next to handholding or cheek kissing unless you make the first move

-He’s all about making sure you feel comfortable

-You don’t feel like hugging right now? That’s okay! Do you want some tea? Coffee?

-I’d imagine he’d left something at home and you’d stop by the club to drop it off, he’d kiss you on the cheek and thank you for being so kind

-Definitely uses a pet name like “Sugar” or “Darlin”

-You kiss him on the lips and wish him a good day before leaving

-He’ll have the stupidest smile on his face for the rest of the day, if anyone asks why he’ll say something like “I’m the luckiest man alive, that’s all.”

Rebecca Welton

-She would be TERRIFIED about bringing you into the media’s attention

-She knows what it’s like to be picked apart and belittled by the media for no reason other than who she was dating and would do anything to make sure it didn’t happen to you

-Might hold your hand, probably won’t to much more than that in public.

-(In private she loves to hug, kiss, cuddle, everything)

-One day she leaves the house to go do something and you pull her in and kiss her goodbye, but before she leaves you tell her that you’d love to go public about your relationship

-She’s nervous, she tells you how draining it can be

-You don’t care, you want to be able to kiss your lovely girlfriend after a game or hug her at work

-She’s still minimal for PDA compared to others but she still hugs and kisses you on the cheek when ever she can <3

-Extra; Calls you “Darling” or “My love”, and if english isn’t your first language you bet she’ll call you a pet name in your mother tongue.

Keeley Jones;

-She LOVES PDA, she’ll almost always be holding your hand, hugging you, something

-Still super respectful if you aren’t super big on PDA

-If you also love PDA then expect her to never leave your side

-She won’t get risky or anything like that, but she just loves to show off how much y’all love each other

-Sometimes wears your clothes out in public

-Calls you “Babe” or “hot-stuff”

-At her office and you want to surprise her, when you see her she has her back facing you.

-You slowly walk up behind her before hugging her and kissing her on the cheek, she makes a noise then quickly starts laughing when she realizes it’s you

-“Babes! I love you but some warning would be nice.”

-Overall she’s just super nice n sweet :)

Roy Kent

- Not to big on PDA, while he will rest his hand on your waist (or vise versa) or hold your hand, he dosnt do much out side of that

- with one exception

-this man is jealous, and gets jealous fairly easily.

- some random person starts flirting with you? Roy will be all over you for the rest of the night

- Roy may seem kinda cold but he does love to show you affection, ask him to give you a massage or cuddle and he’ll do it in a heartbeat.

- Just like Ted he’s all about making sure you feel comfortable, literally anything you need, he’ll do it.

- If you initiate PDA he might be caught off guard, but he’ll recover fast

- You’re at the pub one night, celebrating a win with the team and the rest of the club. Right as Roy gets up to grab another round of drinks you pull him down and give him a heavy kiss

- when you pull back he looks shocked for maybe a second, he’ll quickly get a smile on his face and say something british smart-assish like “You cheeky fucker.”

- He’s a sweet ass that’s a bit protective

[arviyya]

ROSEKILLER HEADCANONS GO🫵

Not me here seven days later *heavy sighhhh*. Anyway, I love spilling my guts about rosekiller headcanons :]

Evan doesn't like touch from anyone else but Barty

Barty disassociates during sex with everyone else but Evan

Barty is a loose canon, and only Evan seems to be able to talk sense into him

Evan has talked Barty down from an attempt

When Barty loves noone and nothing else, he loves Evan

Evan is a fantastic cook (if it wasn't for Evan, Barty would never eat anything but ramen)

Evan likes to call Barty sweetheart, while Barty calls Evan baby

They're the friends you call when you want to have a good time, but when it comes to talking sense into their friends, they always do, even at the most unexpected times

They both love Regulus so much, they talk about it late at night sometimes, how Regulus is the one person they love almost as much as they love each other

When Barty has nightmares, Evan has figured out that petting his eyebrows works to calm him - they dunno why, but Evan will wrap him up in a hug and run one finger over one of his brows

They seem so sharp on the outside, with literally everyone else, but to each other, oh, they're soft as can be. They like to pretend they're not but they're the softest. Barty cries at nature documentaries when the animal dies, Evan isn't much of a crier, but he loses it watching a good sappy romance

Late at night when no one is around to see, they also cry during sex, not because of how intense it is, but because they love each other so much

Barty tries extra hard with Evan because he's always terrified he's going to lose him

Evan reassures him by cuddling, holding him tight, knowing that it's his love language, and simultaneously the only touch he trusts

On their wedding night, their vows were short and sweet because they'd already said them while fucking in the bathroom prior to the ceremony (Barty's cheeks were still flushed and Evan was still half hard)

*smashes gavel*

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[metallicaislife]

Dating Lars Headcanons

A/N: Lars deserves so much love!! Secured a spot on a record with no band, put an ad in the paper and the rest is history. thx for coming to my ted talk.

Requested by: Anon

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: none

SFW Headcanons

You were just living your life blissfully unaware everything was about to change forever

At a bar with some friends, Lars spotted you and he was done for

Hadn’t spoken to you yet or anything but knew that he would move mountains for you if he could

He was hesitant to approach, he didn’t want to come off as a creep, he desperately wanted you to notice him the same way he noticed you

And that you did, as your friends laughed and chatted you couldn’t help but notice the guy across the bar who was already looking at you, rather than looking away trying to play it off, he gave you a sheepish grin and it made your heart skip a beat

You got up to get another drink and that is when Lars made his move

He’d start off with some cheesy pickup line- 

“What’s your favorite drink? Just so I know what to order you on our first date.” 

Literally if anyone else pulled that, repulsion. But he was just so freaking cute and it was smooth as hell

So you chatted a little bit lots of flirty flirting 

You didn’t want to be a bad friend and ditch them so reluctantly you went back to your group but not before exchanging numbers with Lars

He calls you that night, he just knows the two of you are meant to be and so he isn’t going to let this opportunity slip through his fingers

He’s a pretty busy guy but he was more worried about your schedule and found a time that worked best for you and made it work 

Top tier first date, like best first date you’ve ever been on

So of course you said yes when he asked you again

Then you beat him to the next ask and it made him absolutely melttttt

You two start dating exclusively really quickly

He just comes off as an absolute lovebug to me idk haha

So like it doesn’t matter who you’re in front of or what the situation is he is touching you at ALL times- not in a nasty way, get your mind out the gutter 👀

Holding your hand, holding you from behind and resting his chin on your shoulder

Sitting on the couch your legs are touching, he has a hand on your thigh, plays with your hair, rubs your back etc

And when you reciprocate and hold on to him or play with his hands or hair, or tickle his back he’s so giddy and cute 

When you’re alone it’s even more so, your legs across his lap, or sitting in his lap

Taking turns spooning or letting the other lay their head on their chest

Just all the sweet snuggles!! 

And he can talk for hours, doesn’t matter what it’s about, but it’s so comforting listening to him whether it’s about the band and the upcoming tour, or its absolute nonsense

He gets so mad when you fall asleep on him and he can’t get up and get the camera because you look so damn cute and he wants to immortalize that in a photo but he doesn’t want to disturb you

So when he does catch you sleeping and it’s not on him there are so many photos of you and you just look so peaceful 

He just adores you so much 

LOVES IT WHEN YOU CAN COME ON TOUR WITH HIM

Knowing you’re backstage when he’s done and ready to give him a big ol’ hug even when he’s super sweaty and probably a little stinky makes him so freaking happy 

When his kit is getting setup before soundchecks he lets you play around on them and even if you’ve got absolutely no rhythm he’s gonna be hyping you up so hard

“You’re so good, baby! You should come out and play during one of the songs tonight!” 

You just roll your eyes, but the fact that he supports you in all you do, even if you aren’t good at something yet makes you feel all warm and fuzzy

You two are just the cutest ever and deserve all the happy endings 🥹

Thank you for reading! Feel free to request or chat :)

-Isa

[of-apollo]

Okay so Idk if you’re still taking Dani Rojas suggestions, but imagine going on a picnic date with him and being the absolute golden retriever puppy that he is, is just so excited that he plans the entire date!

Dani Rojas x GN!Reader - Picnic Date Headcanons

Summary: Headcanons for beloved Dani Rojas planning and taking the reader on a sweet picnic date.

Warnings: Alcohol mentions and very minimal consumption (no picnic date is complete without it!).

A/N: Went with HC’s for this, thank you for requesting, enjoy!

I think we can all agree that Dani would definitely be a bit of a hopeless romantic in a relationship.

So, picnic dates on a sunny day are his absolute favourite.

He’s insistent on bringing all the food because he wants to treat you as much as possible.

When you ask if you can bring some cupcakes and champagne, he’s telling you that he’s already picked them up.

You admit defeat eventually. Dani is too committed to the date being completely perfect.

He definitely packs too much food.

He makes the mistake of going to Costco and getting huge trays of things, and then rather than taking some out and saving some for later, he just brings it all.

You agree to meet at Hyde Park.

I imagine it’s literally all he’d talk about all week to everyone.

Like, constantly asking you if you’re excited, telling you that he’s excited.

He even asks Ted if he thinks he has enough food, and Ted just nods with a slight look of horror as Dani shows him a picture of a trolley with enough food to feed a family for a week.

The day comes around, and you get the tube in.

You were meant to meet Dani at the station, but he’d messaged saying that he had to get a taxi because he had ‘overpacked’.

You were a bit scared to see what on earth that meant.

Dani was already there when you arrived, sat cross-legged on the grass and looking around like a lost puppy.

“Dani,” you called, his head turning to you.

His eyes lit up, beautiful grin spreading as he pushed himself off the ground and embraced you in a hug.

“Mi amor,” greeted Dani, pecking your cheek. You noted how he was practically vibrating with excitement as he ushered you to the red plaid blanket he’d spread across the grass.

As you settled, Dani pulled over, much to your surprise, a large grey suitcase.

You watched in amazement as he opened it, pulling out large plastic containers of various foods and putting them down in between you.

“Is… Is there anyone else coming?” you asked, because surely you had to be hosting a get together to have this much food.

Dani looked baffled at the question. “To our picnic date? No!”

You laughed, cupping his cheek and smiling. “You’re too sweet.”

Dani beamed at you and then went back to sorting the food.

When it was laid out, he grabbed a smaller carry-on size case from behind him, unzipping it to reveal an array of blankets and pillows, some plates and glasses nestled between them.

“Do you want another blanket, mi amor? I packed every single one I could find.”

“I’m good, thank you,” you grinned. Your brows furrowed when you noticed Dani was still sat against the grass. “Don’t you want one?”

“No, I like to connect with nature,” said Dani simply. You chose not to question him.

Minutes later, your glasses were filled halfway with champagne and your plates were piled with delicious food.

Dani had moved to sit next to you, an arm looped around your waist and your head resting back against his shoulder as he talked about training in between bites.

I can picture him trying to recreate that scene from HSM 2 where they throw strawberries into each other’s mouths.

He misses every time. It’s a good thing he plays football and not a sport that relies on aiming by throwing.

You just have the sweetest afternoon, snacking and talking about everything in between sweet kisses and gazing at clouds.

Dani always throws a bit of food to any bird that comes near you even if you tell him to stop so you don’t attract a flock.

He is too giving!

When afternoon starts turning to evening and it starts getting chilly, Dani wraps you in one of the fleece blankets he brought and then begins packing up the food.

You watch adoringly as he gives a tray of cupcakes to a family sat nearby, Dani grinning as the young kids reach for them straight away.

Dani packs everything up and then you’re ready to go, the carry-on slotted on top of the large case for Dani to drag because God forbid he let you carry anything.

Just as you go to leave, it starts to trickle with rain, and within seconds, courtesy of the Great British weather, it is absolutely pouring down.

Anyone sane would make a run for it, but you and Dani especially are far from it.

“This is perfect!” exclaims Dani, letting go of the handle as you toss your blanket aside. “It is like a scene from a movie!”

You’re both laughing gleefully as you embrace each other, Dani’s arms wrapped securely around your waist as he spins you.

You don’t care that the rain is making you near freezing, nor does Dani. You’ll worry about that when the moments over.

Dani hadn’t planned for rain, but he was grateful that it came down regardless. He couldn’t think of a better way to end the date than dancing in the rain with you.

[paikothecateater]

Why do a lot of Nordic fic writers just despise Iceland? I've noticed his character is never relevant to the story. Why is he always a side character? He almost never gets any character development. Not only does it suck, it also makes the fic more awkward. Like, some major event happens to the Nordics and it's almost like he was gone when it happened.

Everyone is going through some form of complex emotions to try to process the events of the fic and Iceland's just... On the side like it's a normal Tuesday. It's really off putting.

He is also almost always one dimensional. People, if your character's personality can be summed up in two words, you did a bad job developing them.

Repeat after me, Iceland. Is. Not. Just. 'edgy teen'.

It's a little infuriating because they come up with these intricate details about the others, so I know they don't just suck at making characters.

I'm not necessarily saying 'we need more Iceland fics' even though I would love to see more of those. Most Iceland fics I've read have been very disappointing. Guys, just because he's a teenager doesn't mean you have to make a high school fic.

Even if you don't want to make him a main character, he makes for a fantastic exposition character.

An exposition character is a character who technically doesn't play a huge role in the story, but they have little mini arcs throughout the story that help support the A story, either directly or indirectly. They're usually the first character we see which is why I call them an exposition character. Their actions usually lead us to meeting the protagonists. Sometimes they run into the protagonists, sometimes not.

If you really want to isolate Iceland from the rest, you can at least give him his own individual arc. I personally think separating Iceland from the rest is a bit of a jerk move, but if you're going to do it anyway, you shouldn't abandon his character entirely.

Another huge issue I have with a lot of these fics is Sealand.

Listen, I absolutely adore Sealand. He's a really sweet character and I think the idea of him being more or less adopted by the Nordics is nothing short of adorable.

But, when we start shoving Iceland to the side in favour of Sealand, that's when I start having some problems.

'but we need a child character so they can learn from the older ones' guys, I don't know why you refuse to believe this, but Iceland is an actual child. He is a child.

'he's a teen, he's not that young' what are you on about?! Literal child. He's a kid.

Now, even though it's miles better than the Danish slaughterhouse, Gutters is still objectively terrible story wise.

I love Denmark and Sealand's dynamic and all, but come on!

Before anyone comes at me, listen, Sealand is a great character and all, but making him a main character in a Nordic fic because you want a child character meanwhile you have a perfectly good Nordic character who is a child at your disposal, you just don't want to use him because he's 'too old'. Listen, I'm not an expert on children by any means, but I've interacted with children of both of those ages and let me tell you, both of those ages would act the exact same way in an apocalyptic situation. Iceland and Denmark also have actual history, that could have made for a number of interesting plot lines.

But this isn't even my biggest issue with the fic. My hugest issue comes by the end.

Everyone is shown processing Denmark's death in their own ways. Each of the Nordics have their moment where they're shown grieving... EXCEPT FOR ICELAND!

You know what he's doing? Fuck all! That's what! How do you even butcher a character so much? Might I remind you that Iceland worries about Denmark the most out of the others canonically!? You're telling me he's just standing off to the side silently shedding a couple tears? Bro...

I just hate it when Iceland's character is pushed aside like this.

Most people finished Gutters crying, I finished it fucking pissed.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

[arashikohedervary]

I cannot express in words how much I love the crew in Our Flag Means Death. I adore how much personality they all have even tough they are stuck in the "background character" group. I would honestly watch it if any of them would have their own spin-off. I mean, I like Ed and Stede just fine, but look at these babies!!!

Frenchie: Oh, don't get me started on Frenchie, I adore the man. He's the literal impersonation of 'looks like a cinammon roll, could kill you'. My man is a DnD bard who invented pyramid schemes *and* fanfictions. Plus he may be the genius of his age while still believing in witches and crystals.

Wee John: Roomies! Man, how much more I'd like to see of this beautiful Drag Queen. Long live Calypso! And how much I whish to know if he sews his own drag clothes.🤔

Black Pete: It's not healthy how much I'm invested in "Blackbeard's most trusted man". He thinks he needs to create cool stories to get the others to like him, but he's actually very soft and caring. I mean, have you seen the finger he gave to Lucius? He's an angel.

Lucius: If it weren't from Ori from the Hobbit movies, he'd be my favorite scribe of all times. My man is underpaid for all the realitionship drama he has to listen to and his bonus consisted of getting thrown off the ship (which is, like, rude). Also, he can pickpocket Spanish Jackie???? Hi, yes, I'd like to order a backstory, possibly 20 hours long, please.

Buttons: Oh gosh, the Sea Witch. I'm in need of much more explanation and screen time dear writers. And he straight up talks to animals and curses people? Aunty took one look at him and went: "Yapp, that's the Sea Witch". I wonder how Frenchie haven't declared him an evil witch yet.

Roach: My man is a maniac cook whose also the medic just in case. He's half crazy and I couldn't thank him more for it. He also let's Stede request orange cakes from him which is just very sweet overall. Bro also invented peanut butter (like we wouldn't notice it), then fed it to an allergic person, then blamed it on a curse.

the Swede: It's most certainly not fair how well written he is for him to be standing in the background. He has the voice of an angel, please! He might not be the smartest person in the room, but he fucks like a jackhammer, I mean he became hot. That's something.

Jim: Oh, sometimes I cannot comprehend how great Jim is. They're mute, then a mermaid, then neither, 'cause they're just Jim! They're exactly the kinda person to give up revenge for 'not feeling the vibe' anymore. They also would kill anyone who hurts their crewfamily without batting an eye.

Oluwande: Don't even get me started on this beautiful, lovely teddy bear. He's the best hearted, but still serious and trustful of all. He literally gets along with everyone and we need so much people like him. Today's message is to be more like Olu!

Thank you for listening to my Ted-talk, don't worry, the 'why I love Izzy' will be a separate post will be, I couldn't fit him here.

Plus stuff I want to mention that this isn't directed against the writers, I know there were more than one problems with the founding of the second season. Rather, this is a compliment for all the hard work for these *excellent* characters! xx

[time-is-restored]

more whinging bc i got negative hours of sleep last night and i need to stay awake somehow lol

cw: discussions of misogyny + abuse

god the more i think abt it the more exhausted i get by the gender politics of ted lasso.

like god i do genuinely think that rebecca's arc in s1 is one of the best depictions of a mean + cruel woman ive ever seen on TV specifically bc it manages to thread the needle so well? like they never tilt her balance too much and doom her to being either totally fucked up + evil OR totally soft and sweet and harmless. and ted's 'divorce makes u crazy' response to her apology STILL makes me crazy wrt the sheer. understanding and empathy there, and she's just. given so much more depth than ive come to expect, especially for an ensemble cast sitcom w a (then) p short run time.

but my fucking god. we literally don't learn a fucking thing about michelle. im pretty sure the one (1) concrete thing we know about her comes in the fucking finale, and it's that she's a teacher for... something. the two most important people in ted's life and we don't know anything abt them! they're literally just empty symbols representing the importance of Family™, and that vacancy does nothing but weigh ted's storyline down!

like, i liked michelle's episode/storyline in s1, bc the blinding novelty of a woman instigating a divorce not being the Actual Devil, as well as a just. generally very empathetic + nuanced take on how divorce shakes out between two ppl who really care for each other, was so 'WAIT TV CAN DO THIS??' that i felt satisfied with that being Her Arc™. divorce happens, life happens, people fall out of love, and it hurts but its ultimately okay. the show, at the time, was ultimately abt a football club and how caring abt that football club helped everyone around it.

but then the show sticks around, and her continued absence just... raises a lot of questions? how did the conversation abt ted going overseas happen? what conversations did they have abt henry? how long term was it intended to be? did money really not factor into it all? like it's one thing for a character's backstory to be vague when it's not really the focus of attention (s1 was ultimately rebecca's story before anyone else's), but when it's the load bearing stone of their '''''''arc''''''' in s3...????

like. god. and then it fucking infects every other woman on the show!

sassy + nora? well sure we'll give you a softball - you can have one (1) scene where a woman is able to resolutely and firmly reject a man asking her out without immediately being seen as cruel or gameplayey (not that the audience will see it that way! she's already a lecherous temptress for them!), but neither of them will ever be able to speak to rebecca onscreen again, even after the heart-wrenching scenes in s1 CLEARLY establishing them as a beating heart of rebecca's arc.

shandy? nope, don't even think abt her motivations/drives, just forget her. simi? LMAOOO imagine a black woman getting a personality beyond righteous anger. jack? three-four episodes, and we learn so little abt her that her conflict with keeley - which SHOULD'VE have been a huge emotional beat - just feels like a kick in the teeth (and while, yes, i absolutely agree that in a real world context, jack's rejection of keeley would be largely motivated by class, in Ted Lasso Land™ rebecca is just as rich - if not richer? - and we're never once encouraged to interrogate her priorities).

barbara's the one that really makes me miserable, bc i feel like on a show with less run time, she could've played REALLY well. she's a great contrast to keeley, has an amazing delivery, and the scene where keeley + her first discuss the snowglobes shows that she has the potential for some really moving vulnerability + pathos. but instead they give SO many of keeley's scenes to characters who ultimately get written out, so when barbara stays it's like... okay? sure? like, i was so stoked that barbara survived the Mass Exodus of side characters that i didn't wanna look the gift horse in the mouth but... wasn't the last thing we saw of her and keeley's relationship like. general resentment + distrust abt the shandy debacle? when did that improve? how???

i don't think i'll ever have enough mental real estate to explain how disappointed keeley + rebecca's 'arcs' in s3 made me, and at least there's the saving grace that. virtually no one other than jamie got a coherent arc this season, so at least it was on some levels an egalitarian screw up. but fuck dude. keeley was just forced to react to bad things that were happening to her, and we got to see her do her job (which, unbelievably, does actually involve things other than being an awkward manager!) precisely one (1) time.

i even like rebecca's arc on paper - i think it's really cool to see a character backslide so intensely in terms of obsessing over and struggling to come to terms w a past relationship, especially an abusive one, bc like. yeah! that shit sticks with you for longer than a season! and beyond that, seeing her regain her sense of self and what SHE actually gives a shit about was oftentimes just as sweet as s1. but her scenes were poorly connected, and she had to carry WAY too much of a burden as the Resident Speech Giver for any of her internal characterisation to make sense. like, sorry, but it's kind of hard to believe a character's Going Through It™ when they have to spent near 100% of their screen time giving Take It From Me, Kid, speeches. and then she's not even given a real opportunity TO fuck up + sabotage her relationships, even when she starts getting really weird w ted! it's all just so meaningless and like nothing that she does is ever going to matter. she never speaks to zava again, we don't get to see her interact w bex or kate, her pleas to ted get COMPLETELY shut down...

but the thing that REALLY makes me sick is this complete lack of interiority absolutely butchers the characters of jade + jane, who are otherwise RIFE with potential. like, jade is a completely unflinching, unapologetic asshole to nate + his family, and that's never interrogated. even in Sitcom Land™, it's more than reasonable to view jade's actions as racist, especially when she doesn't give the same treatment to others (at least not as i recall? honestly i usually watch the taste of athens scenes while peeking out behind my hands, so i could 100% be wrong here). and yet, suddenly, and completely inexplicably, she's charmed by nate. she wants to give him the time of day. she finds him attractive, and wants to date him, and generally take control of his life and force him into a decision that is literally the exact opposite of what he expressed wanting to do. except even that LAST thing isn't allowed to be interrogated, bc god FORBID a woman is enough of a fully realised creation to actually be culpable of the terrible shit they do!

and fucking jane??? beard's so head-over-heels for this woman that the emotional abuse + extremely controlling tendencies don't even make him bat an eye, and we don't get to know anything about her? she's literally just the suggestion of an alluring woman! good at sex! good at chess! fuck you if you wanna know more, even though the show ENDLESSLY hits you over the head with how painful their relationship is for beard - beard who is given virtually no other storyline. like, i literally can't read brendan's refusal to label jane as abusive as anything other than like. that bio-essentialism shit where ppl 'women are better than men <3' so hard that they end up genuinely and wholeheartedly arguing that someone's sex defines their morals - or worse, that their sex is a deciding factor in determining whether someone's actions are good or bad. not context, but a legitimate 'add points if woman, take away points if man' variable.

like that's so feminism 101 it's legitimately almost worse than nothing. that's like getting as far as 'hey so you know how we're all inundated with both implicit + explicit messaging abt what is Valued and Good for women vs men to-' before shoving ur earplugs in and going 'if you are oppressed by society we'll automatically stamp a 'good person' label on ur head and now we don't have to think abt any of our biases + internalised beliefs ever again <333'. the most useless and fucking pointless stand against the patriarchy ever, especially coming from the same show that ENDLESSLY slots characters into the 'loving gf/wife' archetype and then give them Literally Nothing Else. my comrades you have literally just done madonna/whore 2: oops all madonnas! this is not liberation!!!! this is a miserable cage!!!!!!!!!

im just. higgins' wife. mae. trent's daughter and anonymous 'her'. the women at the hotel and the restaurants and the firm and the fucking physios, fuck - dani's gfs! who are they? what do they want? where do they go when the camera stops rolling? can anyone hear me?? hello??? hello???? brendan hunt i am OUTSIDE YOUR HOUUUUUUSE

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Fic Writer 20 Questions

Tagged by @meyerlansky

How many works do you have on AO3? 773

What's your total AO3 word count? 2,059,396

What fandoms do you write for? I'm deep in Masters of the Air now, obviously. I've also written for Band of Brothers and Generation Kill. I dabble a LOT, so my overall fandom list is very long. Way back in the day I wrote a lot of West Wing. I did a lot of Guy/Kyle in Green Lantern, and then Law & Order: SVU ate my brain for several years even though I can't actually say the show was ever good. Oh, and I was in Avengers fandom hanging out with my fellow Phlint crew at one point.

Top Five Fics by Kudos Revenge is Best Served @ (Check Please, Jack/Bitty)

But I Will Hold on Hope (And I Won't Let You Choke (Avengers, Phil/Clint)

By the Book (Avengers, Phil/Clint)

These Are Our Friends, and These Are Our Foes (You're the One I Love Most (Avengers, Phil/Clint)

5 Scenes to Build a Team (+2 Scenes of Sweet Sweet Victory) (Avengers, Phil/Clint)

Do you respond to comments? Yup! Usually in batches. I really like doing it.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? You Would Live a Hundred Years If I Could Show You How (Law & Order, Jack McCoy/Mike Cutter) -- I killed Jack.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I tend to write happy endings most of the time, so you can really just pick one, but I think it's probably A New Mode of Living (Band of Brothers, Speirs/Lipton), and I'm including the epilogue with that.

Do you get hate on fics? Very occasionally. I just delete/block and move on.

Do you write smut? Oh my yes.

Craziest Crossover? I once had CJ Cregg go on a date with Big Bird. They had a lovely time.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yup! Someone stole a bunch of my Rita/Amanda fics from AO3 and slapped them on Wattpad with Amanda switched for Olivia but everything else verbatim. I reported the shit out of her, and when she moved over to AO3 and literally did the same thing, I reported her again. She accused me of bullying, naturally.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Several! And I have blanket permission for my fics if anyone wants to translate anything. I would love if you'd link back to the original story so I know it's out there.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Eons ago there was a show called Without a Trace, and a friend and I took turns writing vignettes for the same couple. Same friend let me write a sequel to their Leo/Josh West Wing story, and we did a few more things like that. I don't think that any of those survive, however.

All time favorite ship? Speirs/Lipton, Band of Brothers. They are very important to me. They see each other in a very important way, and I treasure them.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? On the advice of counsel, I refuse to answer.

Seriously, though I don't really have that sort of WIP. Either I'm working on it (A Mighty, Vast, and Dangerous Place is still in active progress), or the idea didn't pan out (a bunch of stuff), or I actively chose to stop working on it (there's a Ted Lasso fic that I will never touch again).

What are your writing strengths? I do good character voices and can get the emotional response I want from readers. I have fun coming up with interesting descriptions.

What are your writing weaknesses? Losing steam. Getting distracted by a new fandom. From a writing-writing standpoint, I have a hard time remembering room layouts or where people are in them. I don't think visually, so I'm always having to scroll back up or make a note so I don't forget a piece of furniture or a whole guy.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I got no problems. It's about being able to understand the point of the conversation, not necessarily the words themselves. There's lots of ways to get it across while having the dialogue in a different language than the rest of the fic for whatever reason. But the use of the other language needs to fit the story and the characters, and if you're writing in another language, you better know it's quirks.

First fandom you wrote in? Ahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha

Oh, god, it was Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers back when god was a child.

Oh, man. God, I just got the goofiest memories. I was SO into that show.

Favorite fic you've written? Oh advice of counsel, I plead the fifth.

Honestly, I don't know. It changes constantly.

Tags (very optional): um, @dytabytes, @infiniteeight8, @daysofxavierspast @sarahcakes613, @ralkana, @lunaris1013, and anyone who wants to. I swear I barely remember my own name when it comes to tagging time.

[derangedanomaly]

idea. chaos x reader x ted (not ted x chaos, mostly them having mutual attraction towards reader i think). it’s incredible bc like chaos is super into cooking and reader could likely help. both of them are such good protecters and have soft spots for nature (i hc chaos to be like a plant dad where he just keeps bringing potted plants into the house and loves the daily task of taking care of smth). chaos is good with ted as chaos is good with literally anyone (/hj idk if anyone could deal with blade other than lillian) and chaos is understanding, likely good at interpreting what ted’s gestures mean based on context. like imagine that lovely balance between sweet praises (chaos) and acts of service (ted) and SO much physical touch. being held in ted’s arms and leaning your shoulder against chaos while you’re all exhausted from the day. getting up early in the morning with chaos to surprise ted with breakfast in bed. rambling to both of them and ted nods along while chaos occasionally chimes in with a thoughtful response that assures you he’s listening even if he’s doing something else.

basically i’m very tired and want to be held by large tall skeletons and comforted bc it’s 5:00 am and i couldn’t fall asleep bc i saw a spider and stared at it for 4 hours instead of doing anything about it.

- yugioh anon

That would honest be a pretty healthy relationship. All of their attention would be on you. You'd feel SO loved, you don't even KNOW.

(that thing about the spider was so real. I have serious Arachnophobia 😭)