#literally since she woke me up at 9:30

[s0fars0perfect]

only my sister and i can end up on the phone for almost 11 hours straight

and that's on your sister being your best friend

[hugshughes]

Patience is a Virtue C. Loveland

Colston Loveland x fem!Minter!reader

synopsis - Colston gets the trophy, and finally gets the girl.

wc - 3.8k

contains - UNEDITED! this is based off of this request! READER IS COACH MINTER(michigan defensive coordinator)'S DAUGHTER!!!!!!! kissing, hugging, fluff, cursing, stress over the game. guys if u don't like my cute outfit i picked then #1 ur a hater and #2 it's not a big deal! think of something else🤞🤞🤞 cause my Adidas navy handballs with gold accents ARE STAYING. there IS a picture of the outfit im describing but im obvi not gonna stick it in the middle of the fic so if anyone wants that i guess request or message me lols?

an - GUYS PLEASE LET THIS POST LETS PRAY TOGETHER. THIS WAS CUTE. i've been getting the BEST requests lately. i'm on my Michigan FOOTBALL grind. ive spent a long while introducing the jesse minter daughter reader.... she might have to stick around. i want to write for Blake Corum but don't know what to do because literally all i have written for the past week is like "girlfriend or friend of player reader comes to watch their playoff game, reader and love interest kiss after love interest wins game" so... DONT GET ME WRONG I LOVEEEE WRITING THAT SHIT. but it feels so repetitive. BUT THIS? I LOVED THIS. daughter of the coach is so scandalous and i love it. minter is only 40 so like we're just saying he had his daughter (reader) pretty young, like 21. hope u enjoyyyyyyyy ;)!

-

You woke up with a start. Your body jolted as you brain registered a shout somewhere in the room. You sucked in a breath, opening your eyes, only to close them again. You squinted, trying to orient yourself. You were in a hotel room, your brothers were the ones shouting.

You groaned at the realization, then let out a shout when you felt three small bodies land on top of you.

"Holy shit, get off of me!"

They immediately scrambled, most likely going to tell your mom you cursed in their presence. You loved your 3 baby siblings, but they were pains in your ass sometimes.

You heard a faint "she said shit mommy!" in the conjoining hotel room, and rolled your eyes. You sat in bed, stretching, grabbing your phone before grabbing your bag and locking yourself in the bathroom before your mom could scold you so your siblings shut up about it.

Today was the college football playoff championship, and it was safe to say your family members above the age of 8 were stressed. It was 8:11, and you had to be out the door by 9:50. You showered, drying your hair after and then starting to pick your outfit. You brought a lot of different gear, you had not clue what you wanted to wear to the game. You had so much Michigan gear, and even more maize and navy colored clothing, courtesy to your father.

After almost 30 minutes, you decided on a cute denim skirt, a maize long sleeve, and your navy Adidaas Handballs. You perfected your hair and makeup, successfully erasing any signs that you'd only been awake for about an hour.

You came out of the bathroom all put together, your bag and pajamas in hand. Your siblings were sitting on your bed, watching something on the TV. Since you guys had 6 people in your family, you'd gotten two hotel rooms with the connecting door in the middle. You slept in one room with your little sister on the other bed, and your parents and brothers slept in the other room. You walked through the connecting door, checking the time. 9:17.

Your mom was getting ready in the bathroom when you walked into it. You sat on the closed lid toilet and started talking to her about the plans for today.

"You really gotta stop cursing in front of the littles!"

Your mother scolded you, a grin wide on her face. She was joking, of course. You and your parents had always been close, you'd been their baby for the longest. You'd been with them since they were two just married 20 year olds in college. Not that you remembered it, but you were there for all of your dad's junior and senior year games when he played at MSJ. You'd been there through all the coaching jobs. From Cincinnati, to Georgia State, to the Baltimore Ravens, you'd been there through all of it.

You sat with your mom until it was time to go. Your dad corralled everyone together, taking a photo before you all headed to the elevator. When an elevator came, it opened up and there was barely any room unless your parents held two of your siblings, so you told them to go ahead and that you would wait for the next one.

You only waited about a minute before the doors slid open again, revealing none other than Colston Loveland. His eyes lit up, a grin shining on his beautiful face. You'd always had a weird little thing with Colston. No words were ever said about it, but there had always been a vibe between you.

Being the daughter of the defensive coordinator definitely drove a lot of the guys, even ones you had classes and other school related things with, far far away. The boys knew how protective their coach was of his family, and didn't want any bad blood on the team. Something about you just attracted Colston so heavily. He knew he shouldn't even think about it, but he never could help himself.

"Hey coach."

You rolled your eyes at him playfully as you stepped into the elevator. He always called you coach, he had to remind you he was one of your dad's players. You would've loved to forget that for two seconds.

"Hi Cole."

He could've died. You'd called him Cole, instead of Colston. It was the smallest, most insignificant little thing, but it made him melt.

"Where's your family at?"

You tilted your head towards him, he wanted to talk, okay. You smiled at him, he loved it.

"The other elevator was too full, some of the guys were on the way down too."

He nodded, the smirk never leaving his face. You thought about kissing it off of him, then realized you had just thought of kissing his smirk off of him. Shit. You were in deep with this kid, and there was little to no chance anything would ever happen.

The elevator reached the lobby, and Colston gestured for you to step out first. You exited the elevator, the boy hot on your tail. You were immediately greeted by a hallway packed full of Michigan players, coaches, families, and more.

You have Colston one last glance and smile before finding your mom, taking your baby brother out of her arms and into yours, playing with him. Colston's eyes followed you, he admired you as you smiled and laughed with your brother. You were perfect. He was gonna have to find a way to get around the fact that you were his coach's daughter.

You held your brother with one arm and your sisters hand with the other as you smiled at the cameras, walking through to the buses. Your family followed behind the rest of the coaches and families, the team trailing behind you.

The ride to NRG took longer than you assumed it would, almost an hour because of the traffic, and it didn't help that everyone could tell that the buses were transporting one of the CFP Championship teams in them.

Everyone went into the stadium together, through some backstage type area. You walked with the team until you had to go separate ways. You hugged your dad, squeezing him tight. You would see him again before the game, so you saved your 'Good luck, I love you Dad.' sentiment for then.

You'd always had a special connection with your dad, you were closer to him than almost anyone else. You were his baby, his first baby. Still, you were his baby in his eyes. Your dad would do anything for you, and he was quite protective. Though he was protective, all he wanted was for you to be happy, and if it meant dating one of his guys, he would have no problem with it.

Your family sat bored in the box of the stadium, looking down on the field as Washington practiced. There was over 6 more hours till the game started, and there was practically nothing to do.

You took a nap on the carpeted floor of the box with your siblings for a couple hours, your mother snapping photos that although you were embarrassed of, were undeniably cute. Once you guys had woken up, there was about 2 hours till game time. You voted with your family on whether you guys wanted to stay in the box, or sit way close to the field. You all wanted to be closer to the field, you wanted to see the action head on.

Your family departed the box, along with a few others to see the team one more time before the game. You got down onto the field in about 20 minutes, and stood with your dad for awhile. When you were being told it was time to go, you quickly hugged your dad.

"Good luck, I love you!"

He thanked you, saying the three words back as you guys waved at him, going to leave. Your eyes caught on a certain brunette as he ran off the field, his eyes finding you quickly. He smiled at you, ugh, that smile.

"Good luck, Cole!"

You smiled at him, right before you turned to go up the tunnel. More and more fans started to pour in as you got settled into your bleacher seats. You were three rows from the bottom with a perfect view of the field. You settled in as the national anthem ended and the game began.

As the game progressed, you were so happy to say that Michigan was winning, the entire time. You'd caught Colston's eyes multiple times during the game, letting it linger for a few seconds before giving him a stern look and gesturing towards the field. He'd mouth back, 'okay, coach.' and turn back around. Your mother caught the interaction once, her heart warming seeing her baby with a crush.

You stood up, your brother in your arms as you jumped up and down, shouting, Michigan had finally won! You cheered and danced around with your little siblings as you celebrated. You were all so insanely proud of your dad. Soon though, you were being escorted to the field, eager to see your father and congratulate him.

Blood was pumping and hearts were racing as you exited the tunnel, smiles burned onto your faces as you went to look for your dad. You held your sister's hand as you two ran around, trying to find him. Your mom shouted, and you turned to look at her. She pointed to your left, and there stood your dad, hugging one of his players. Your sister went back to your mom, to walk over to your dad with her as you all but sprinted over to your dad, weaving in between sweaty boys and families.

Your dad saw you incoming and held his arms out accepting your forceful hug. You both laughed, your dad squeezing you tightly. Your best friend had finally done it.

"Literally told you you would do it."

He laughed again, agreeing as he laid a kiss to your temple, pulling back with one arm to accept your other siblings into the hug, who'd finally made their way over. After a minute, you took your siblings from your dad so your mom could hug him, and kiss him, much to your brothers' disgust.

After talking with your dad for a little, you spotted a familiar 6'5 frame standing by himself as his teammates walked away from him. You sauntered over, shouting his name when you were in earshot. The brunette quickly turned around, the smile already gracing his face deepening.

"Well hi, coach."

"Congratulations, Cole. You know your catches were pretty legit."

You gave him a slightly impressed face, shrugging your shoulders. He laughed, rolling his eyes playfully.

"You can't win 'em all over, can you?"

You laughed in turn, stepping closer to him. Colston's heart was racing as he looked down into your eyes.

"But really, Cole, you were incredible, serious."

He nodded, accepting your praise with a grin, before he looked around, over-exaggerating a look of being in thought.

"You know, coach, I think I might just deserve a reward, for my quote incredible performance."

Your eyes widened, your heart starting off, faster and faster.

"Really? What might that entail, Cole?"

Shit, he was gonna have to kiss you if you kept calling him that. He was about to take the leap. He knew he had to at some point, and he was on an adrenaline rush, that just chanted at him to do it.

"Well I think it entails you accepting a date with me back in Michigan."

Your jaw dropped slightly, you were dumbfounded. Colston really wanted to go on a date with you?

"For real?"

Colston nodded, seemingly confident, though he was shaking in his boots on the inside.

"Well then, I think we can make that work."

Colston's heart erupted. He literally could not have been happier. He'd just won the Natty, and got his dream girl to agree to a date, holy fuck. You got nervous all of the sudden, leaning up to kiss his cheek, before turning to leave.

"Just text me, Cole!"

He nodded, his eyes following you as you went to go find your family again. His family came back over to him, they'd been gone for just a second but stopped and waited when they saw him talking to you. His family, especially his mom, knew quite a bit about you.

You found your family, immediately grabbing your moms hand to pull her a few steps away. You looked at her with the biggest eyes ever, still in shock over what had just happened.

"What's up, sweetheart? Why are you all, thousand yard stare-y?"

"Mom Colston just asked me out, and I said yes! And then I kissed his cheek! And then I left!"

Your mom laughed, her baby was finally growing up. You'd had a few boyfriends in all your days, but you'd never been proper crushing like you were right now.

"That's so good! I knew this was coming, we just had to wait for one of you to get the courage."

You blushed, hiding your face in your hands. Your smile suddenly dropped, a realization coming to you.

"Is dad gonna hate me?"

"Why would I hate you?"

Shit.

You ended up telling your dad later on in the night, when you were tired and sitting in the back of a restaurant the team was celebrating in. Your family didn't party for too long, having a 4, 7, and 8 year old didn't exactly allow you guys to stay out for too long. Even your parents 19 year old daughter got a bit cranky if she stayed out too late.

When you told your dad, he just laughed. He knew you and Colston had things for each other, he was waiting for the tight end to make a move.

-

You were stressing. Tonight was your date with Colston. You sat at your vanity, ranting to your roommate over it. You put on makeup and did your hair, wanting to look cute but not over the top.

Colston had told you to wear comfy clothes, so you were in one of your most common outfits. Leggings and a Michigan sweatshirt. You stared at yourself in the mirror, doubting yourself. You had known Colston for over a year, almost two, but you didn't really know him that well. You wanted him to like you so badly.

"Babe, you look fantastic. He's going to stare at you all night."

You sighed at your roommate's encouragement. But before you could respond, you got a text from Colston. He was outside your dorm building. Your roommate pushed you straight out the door, saying bye.

You went down the stairs quickly, making your way out of the complex. You saw Colston as you opened the door, slipping out. He looked up and smiled at you, his stupid beautiful smile.

"Hey, Gorgeous."

You felt the heat on your face even in the Ann Arbor cold. You smiled, shaking your head as you gave him a spin, showing off your extra casual outfit.

"Even in this ensemble?"

He nodded, his smile deepening. He pulled you into his side, hugging you. You were immediately enveloped in his warmth. You ducked your head down to hide the shock in your eyes. He smelled really good.

When you pulled away Colston led you to his car, opening the door for you before going around and getting in. You two buckled up before Colston pulled out of the parking spot, setting off into Ann Arbor. He gave you the aux, warming your heart. You both knew he probably didn't listen to the same music as you, but he wanted you to listen to whatever you liked.

Smaller Acts by Zach Bryan came on when you hit shuffle on your main playlist, making you smile. You resonated with the song, always having thought that smaller acts of love were more important than any grand gestures. You got to really look at Colston while he drove. He kept his eyes right on the road always, until you got to a red light, that's when you'd jerk your head back forward as he turned to look at you. He was really pretty, his jaw was so insanely defined, he had a strong neck, and the deepest brown eyes. You stared at the tattoo on his left forearm, he was hot, to put it simply.

You drove for around 40 minutes before the car slowed, pulling onto a gravel driveway. You looked out of your window, seeing a large screen and projector, and lots of cars. He had brought you to a drive in movie. You could've cried when you saw the sign reading the movie you would be seeing. Ocean's 11. The very first time you ever talked to Colston, he'd asked you your favorite movie. You said you couldn't pick one, then settled on Ocean's 11 because it was one you'd seen so many times you could quote any scene.

You couldn't believe he remembered. You'd never mentioned it since then. That was the kind of smaller, seemingly insignificant thing that meant the world to you. You jerked your head to the left, staring at Colston with wide eyes. He was dealing with the tickets for a few seconds before you pulled into a spot, then he finally looked to you.

"Cole, I cannot believe that you remembered."

Colston smiled, and on the inside he was celebrating that you loved it. What he hadn't expected though was you leaning over the console and hugging him. It was honestly the sweetest thing any guy had ever done for you, you were beyond grateful for this boy, and it was your first date.

"This is the sweetest thing a guy's ever done for me, I'm being serious."

Though you were mostly saying that about the fact that he'd remembered, the date itself was also amazing. Colston knew you enough to know that you'd have preferred this over any fancy restaurant, and that meant a lot.

"It's the least I could do, coach. You mean something to me, 'm gonna take care of you."

You just squirmed in your seat, getting more comfortable and smiling as you looked ahead of you. You wordlessly reached over and slipped your hand into his, pulling them into your lap.

Colston was so happy he could've gotten out of the car and started dancing. He acted as cool as he could on the outside. You two settled in as the movie began.

At some point, Colston had reached back into the backseat and grabbed a blanket that he tossed into your lap, and a bag of food and snacks.

You traced your free hand over Colston's tattoo, admiring the line work and shading. The movie ended, and Colston's hand stayed with you as you two began the drive back. You fell asleep on the drive, your head leaning against Colston's arm.

You woke up slowly about 5 minutes out from school. You kept your head on Colston's arm, but allowed yourself to carelessly stare at him in your tired state. At a stoplight, he turned to look at you, smiling deeply when his eyes met your sleepy ones.

"Hey, coach. Nap good?"

You smiled and nodded, yawning at him. He laughed lowly, turning his head back when the light went green. You parked outside your building, dampening your heart. The night had been perfect. You sleepily got out of Colston's car, after he told you to not dare opening your own door. He walked you up to the entrance with his hand on your back, rubbing his fingers back and forth lightly.

When you got to the door you stopped and turned around, wrapping your arms around his middle.

"Thank you so much Colston. This was like, the best date I think ever."

He smiled, hugging you tightly. Colston had the best time, obviously you were gorgeous, but getting to talk to you one-on-one without interruptions was his idea of a good time. His insides melted whenever you fell asleep, and before then, he could've swore he was in love while you traced over his tattoo.

You pulled away from him, looking at the boy through heavy eyes. He looked absolutely handsome in the dim lighting of a street lamp. You put your hands on his shoulders, leaning up and kissing him. You probably wouldn't have if your drowzy mind hadn't commanded you to. Obviously you wanted to, but you weren't sure if it was 100% mutual yet, but it was.

Colston's hands went to hold the back of your head, his hands in your hair. He kept the kiss shorter than you would've liked, knowing you were tired.

You looked up at him with stars in your eyes, a smiling fighting its way onto you face. Colston's hands shifted from your hair to your jaw, rubbing his thumb over your cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow baby."

Your blown out eyes widened at the name, your heart clenching in your chest. Colston saw the reaction, his lips quirking up the slightest bit.

"I'll see you, Loveland."

You let go of him, turning towards the door. You paused for a second, quickly turning back around and kissing Colston again. Colston's hands grabbed at your hips, pulling you closer. Colston smiled brightly into the kiss, giggling to himself.

You pulled away from him, a grin falling to your face.

"You ever gonna let me leave, coach?"

"Thinkin' about it."

"You get inside, gorgeous. It's too cold for you to be out here."

You smiled, nodding at him, letting go of him for the last time.

"You gotta go too, off season just started. You gotta stay on your A-Game Loveland."

He laughed at you, shaking his head as he watched you walk into the dorm complex, turning the corner and out of his sight. You ran back up the stairs and to your room, squealing like a 13 year old as you described your date to your roommate.

Colston sat in his car, texting his mom that everything went well. When he put his phone away, he finally let himself think that you were the girl he'd want to be with forever. It was finally real. The boy just had to be patient.

[graysnetwork]

Chapter II

BBF! Keegan x Reader (Warnings: not proofread, mentions of fighting kinda, blood, broken nose.) Summary: The senior night football game ends badly.

It was senior day and tonight was the last football game I'd see my brother and Keegan play at our high school. They were both growing up and I didn't like it, how were they– Keegan Russ the boy who tripped face first into mud when he slipped after it rained, and Liam (L/N) the boy who broke his arm two weeks into football practice– going to be seniors, going to college, and joining the marines?

I had now idea how they had even gotten through freshman year.

__

“So is your sister gonna be there?” I asked as I peeked my head over the seats. I always got stuck sitting in the back seat since Keegan and Liam were too big to sit in between. “Yeah why?” Keegan turned his head to look at me “Just wondering” i smiled and sat back in my seat “You better not have her hang out with your friends'' he furrowed his brows as he turned all the way to look back at me, he never liked my friends, he didn't hate them but he didnt love them. Keegan only had the memory of coming to my house to pick up his younger sister Marley, and she had her hair curled, makeup on, and not fun little girl makeup, glam makeup. I don't know what type of makeup would have made it better but he was mad.

“What the hell!” Keegan yelled as he woke all of us up, poor Marley was so embarrassed, i had no idea what was going on, while Kim and Hailey were snickering but apologizing. He pulled me outside and asked what had happened last night that caused his little sister to look like she was gonna go to the club. “I dunno, I literally fell asleep like…” i thought for a second “9:30” Marley mutter before Keegan glared at her, “so this was your friends ideas”

He wasn't mad at me, he was mad at them, he seriously said “It's okay sweetheart, go back to bed” and he yelled at my friends after i got in bed.

“I promise they wont do anything stupid, they cant, it's not like i'm gonna fall asleep at the game” i chuckled, his face softened and he sighed “If they do anything, i mean anything, i'm never letting Marley hang out with you guys again” he said and sat back in his seat again.

__

I sat on the bleachers in the student section with my friends and Marley, our families sat a few rows behind us, but we were sitting in the front benches. “So.. what's your boyfriend's number again?” Hailey asked as she sipped on her soda. I turned to her with a confused face “What? I don't have a boyfriend” i said quickly, “Oh c’mon” he chuckled as he looked out onto the field “We all know you and keegan have things for each other” she smirked as she turned back to me and i looked over at Kim who had the same smirk and Marely had a disgusted look on her face, it was her brother we were talking about after all. “I don't know what you guys are talking about” i looked over to Marley for support “As much as I hate to say it, Keegan is way too sweet to you to just be your friend. '' Marley said with raised up brows as if it was a fact. “You guys are forgetting Keegan is Liam’s best friend so has to be nice to me” I said trying to convince them “Sure, just cause your Liam’s sister means he has to drive you places, buy you things, and carry you around when your tired” Hailey rolled her eyes “It was one time!” I said remembering the time that Keegan carried you to the car after a day at the beach with your friends and families.

“Why are you this tired?” he said quietly as the sound of waves filled your ears “we woke up at 5 am to get here, how are you not tired?” I mumbled as I closed my eyes “touché” he smiled, that perfect smile was the last thing I'd seen before I fell asleep the rest of the ride home and only woke up in the middle of the night to my dark bedroom, Keegan nowhere to be found.

“One time, but it was so romantic,” Kim said as they both got up and stood at the railings as the players were about to come out. They ran out, it almost looked like a movie, felt like it too, other than the baby crying everyone's ears off.

“Look at him, gosh you’re lucky” Hailey smirked again as we watched keegan lead the team out and they all huddled up before the game actually started. He looked as perfect as he looked the first time he put that jersey on. “Can we refrain from the comments about my brother?” Marley said with a frown.

__

The game had ended a few minutes ago and I left in a hurry to congratulate Liam and Keegan, i left the bleachers on my own and excitedly went through the crowds and very quickly found out, a few feet away from the players locker room was where all the weird men hung out. I now remembered why i stayed in groups, a man approached me and started hitting on me, it was very weird, i was uncomfortable but my mind went blank, i had no idea what to say or do, and panic really started to set in when i realized the players were coming out a different exit and now I was all alone.

I couldn't even move as I saw Liam walk past the fence I was behind with not even a glance, as did the other players.

Keegan

I walked up behind Liam and looked around at the bleachers noticing y/n was nowhere in sight, maybe she was just throwing something away, or heading to the bathroom. It made no sense but y/n not being anywhere with her friends or family made less sense. I looked around before Kim and Hailey looked down at me, my jaw tensed at the sight of them, they had good intentions but they annoyed the crap outta me, y/n was the only one who i really liked, not just because I like her though. I furrowed my brows as they said “where’s y/n, thought you two lovebirds would be making out right now” they teased her relentlessly about me, and vice versa. I couldn't let anyone know I actually wanted half those things to happen. “I haven't

seen her'' I said. I was starting to worry as I scanned the bleachers again. “Wait what?” Kim said, for the first time ever, I'd seen fear flash on both their faces. “She was gonna go to the locker rooms to congratulate you guys” they said at the same time.

Shit

I dropped everything and started looking around as Kim told liam to start looking for y/n.

I looked over at the fence space between the locker room and the bleachers and saw her, and an older man. One of those perverts that hung around at random places to try and pick girls up. I don't know what happened, but suddenly I was on the other side of the fence punching this man, his bloody nose finally cracking as people crowded around and I saw Liam jump over the fence out of the corner of my eye. He went over to his sister and pulled her back as I yelled at the guy before security finally came over. I was glad this was the last game of the year because if I was gonna get in trouble for this, it didn’t matter.

Once the security guard and my coach were finished yelling at me I walked over y/n and Liam, “Why the hell did you wander off alone!” I yelled at her, it was the first time I’d yelled at her and it was odd, but the anger that coursed through my body overpowered every cell in my brain telling me to calm down and just make sure she was okay. Y/n couldn’t even get a wod out before i yelled at her again “What the fuck was going through your head!” Liam held her close before putting a hand on my shoulder “Alright dude, calm down-”  “Why the hell weren’t you more concerned about your sister!?” I yelled at him “Don't turn this shit on me dude!” He yelled back, what the hell was I doing, blaming Liam for something he didn't know about. All I could think about was the guy's hand that had touched y/n’s hip. I hadn’t touched her in weeks, no hugs, no high fives, just my eyes lingering on her for longer than they should have. That shit pissed me off so much, I should've killed that guy.

__

Y/n

The night ended ended terribly, id apologized for the thousandth time to liam as we got back home but he just went to his room and i went to mine, we had to cancel the dinner we were gonna go to after the game since keegan was still infuriated with everyone even though everyone agreed he was overreacting and it wasn't anybody's fault except for that douchebag. Iaid on my bed for what felt like an eternity and stared at my ceiling until my phone started

ringing. I expected it to be Hailey, or Kim, or even Marley but instead it was Keegan, the contact picture of him asleep with doodles on his face showed up as the phone rang. I contemplated answering; what if he wasn’t done yelling at me and he was calling because he was still angry? Maybe. I took my chances and swiped right to answer the phone.

“Keegan?” I asked quietly, preparing myself for the possibility of yelling in my ear, but all that prep was done for nothing as I listened to his smooth silky voice say “y/n, sweetheart..”

The name made my stomach flip, I swear I felt butterflies flutter as heat rushed up my neck and my cheeks felt hotter than the sun. “listen keegan” I continued my quiet voice as to not be heard through my home. Liam was already pissed, and he hadn’t eaten so he didn’t need to hear the name keegan; a reminder of what ruined the night. “No, you listen” he said sternly, but it was still soft as ever, it was the voice he used when he would teach me something. He always joked that he used the stern voice to get lessons through my thick skull, but he always meant it when he said he'd never yell at me.

Oh my gosh he yelled at me today.

I hadn’t even realized it earlier, it's not like I wasn’t sad about it, I was surprised.

“I know I fucked up tonight, but Ii was really upset you gotta understand that” he said softly “I do” i replied just as softly. “I'm really sorry, i shouldn't have yelled at you or Liam” he said with a sigh “He’ll get over it” i smiled to myself, he was always forgiving. “Still, I shouldn't have yelled”

“Yeah it was a pretty shitty move” I chuckled. “Woah, its bad etiquette for a princess to say bad words” he said, I could hear the airy chuckle he let out after. “Shut up” I smiled as I listened to his laughs.

I could totally get used to this. This was my own personal slice of heaven. It was what I'd always dreamed of. Keegan and I having a late night phone call. Well, my dream was being with Keegan in his arms until I got uncomfortable, which I already knew was impossible since his arms were the safest place to be in the world. But this was close, maybe the top 5 dreams I had.

[wosowrites]

Smitten for you (Niamh Charles x Reader)

warnings: none

a/n: let’s pretend Niamh was at the euros based off this request here

prompt: in which you and niahm are just completely smitten for each other which is shown during a day at the beach.

Opposites attract was not the way to describe you and your girlfriend Niamh. You were the same. Both cuddly, soft, hard headed, teasing footballers. You loved being around each other and just constantly cuddling. You had met Niamh as you had started playing for the junior lioness teams at the same time. You had been together since you were 15. Immediately, you clicked, finding comfort in each other. Now, you were 8 years strong. You had announced your relationship three years ago, receiving almost nothing but support and love from fans. Key word being almost. You had gone through a hard patch two years ago, that proved to be hard for the rest of the Lionesses as well. You and Niamh were both getting excessive hate, and the pressure had made you turn on wsh other. But other than that brief, horrid week, you were un separable. The amount of time you weren’t together was scarce, and you never got tired of each other.

Today was two weeks after the Euros win, the whole team was bathing in joy. You had all decided to take the month off and go to Australia. Partly to scope out the area for next years World Cup, and partly to soak in the sun and get a tan in before the start of the club season for some. You had all been in Australia for three days now, but we’re yet to make it to the beach. Getting everyone up and out of the hotel was almost an impossible task. But today, Rachel and Mille had taken it to themselves to make sure everyone got to the beach. They had chosen one in the outskirts of Sydney after doing research on it two nights ago. A quick search on google let them find that they could reserve a part of the beach that was private and they opted for that. The area was extremely large and had a beach volleyball net.

So, at 9:30, the girls came barging into your room, how they got a card, you would never know, and woke up Niamh and you. They dragged her quite literally out of bed to demand help to wake up your teammates around the hotel. At 11:00 you were all out the door and heading to the beach that was only a twenty minute walk away.

"I hate you Millie," you groaned, having expected to sleep in, cuddle with Niamh and then have a nice peaceful breakfast. "You won’t hate me when you see that beach, it’s amazing," she said, super smiley.

You groaned in response and stopped in your tracks to wait for Niamh to catch up. "C’mon baby, we’ll sleep on the beach," you said, draping an arm around her waist. She had put on jean shorts and a big tee shirt over her white bikini, while you had opted for light and white beach pants, choosing to just wear your black bikini top as a shirt. It was warm, and sunny, and you had sunglasses on to not blind yourself.

She put her own arm around your shoulder, using her other one to hug you as you kept walking. You giggled and peppered her face with kisses, happy to be with your girl. "Keep it for the bedroom, hey!" Leah yelled from behind you, making Alessia, Georgia, Keira and Lucy giggle. Niamh kept her arms around you and you used your spare one to flip her off while keeping your gaze forward.

Just to tease them, you stopped in your tracks and grabbed Niamh’s waist to pull her into you. She lazily draped her arms around your waist and you put your arms around her neck, kissing her passionately and smiling into the kiss. "EW! CHILDREN!!" Ellie screamed, throwing an empty coffee cup at the both of you. You squealed and jumped back, scared that there was still coffee in the cup. "We’re not 15 anymore Ellie!" You yelled at her, keeping your walk going but now surrounded by the younger keeper and the girls that had just yelled at you to stop kissing Niamh. "Well when I look at you both I still see the blushy 15 year olds that freaked out of joy when they held hands for the first time." Ellie said. "Oh shush, we’re way past that," Niamh said, winking at you. "Gross!" Lucy groaned, shoving Niamh and sending her flying to the side, making you all laugh as the brit took her bearings.

You arrived at the beach soon after, surprised to see that Rachel and Millie had seemingly actually planned out things. There were dozens of lawn chairs around the area, picnic baskets and a beach volleyball court. The water was shiny and blue and everything seemed rather…

"Dude, this is kind of romantic. Like we’re one big couple," you joked, teasing Millie. "It’s not! It’s just- it’s- oh you know what. You’ll be the first in the water," Millie said.

You didn’t have time to answer as suddenly you were being thrown over Millie’s shoulder and no one was helping, everyone choosing to record instead, even your girlfriend. Millie was strong, and buff, and she ran to the water with you over her shoulder and once you got to the water, she walked in ankles deep before flipping you into the water.

Your body sunk in the surprisingly deep water, hair floating, pants soaked, the whole package deal. You came back up, hair all over your face, shivering from the oddly cold water and your white pants sticking to your body. "Millie!" you squealed, pushing the hair off of your face and rushing out of the water towards Niamh.

Your girlfriend was quick to wrap her arms around you, making her body wet as well. "That was cruel! I’ll have to walk home with wet pants!" you scowled at her, laughing slightly as it was funny. "They’ll dry," Millie said.

Everyone chose their spots along the reserved part of the beach, pulling out towels and taking off cover ups to be in their bathing suits. Most girls started off tanning, but a few of the more excited ones jumped straight into the water. You and Niamh decided to tan a bit. Or more like you decided to tan and Niamh decided she didn’t want to tan more, so you lied down on top of her. You spent the first hour sleeping on Niamh, her arms wrapped around you and yours resting at her side. Your sleep was awaken hours later by screams and splashing which could only mean one thing, Ella and Alessia had made it to the water.

You woke up first, climbing off of your girlfriend and waking her up in the process. "What’s going on? Come back," she said drowsily. "Nope, it’s water time. Literally everyone is in the water. Let’s go!" you begged Niamh, grabbing her hands and pulling her off the lawn chair.

You held her hand in yours as you pulled her to run towards the water. The splashing water chilled your bodies as you made your way into the sea, jumping into the blue ocean together.

"Cold! Fucking cold!" Niamh groaned, hugging her body. "At least you have a girlfriend to warm you up!" Mary scowled, splashing more water onto the young woman.

You all spent the next hour doing chicken fights, playing water volleyball, and just swimming in general before some of the girls decided they were going to go eat. "Go set it up! We’ll be there in a second," Niamh said, calling after the girls that were climbing out of the water.

Niamh turned to you, pulling you in by your waist and letting her thumbs slide under the sides of your bikini bottom. "Here? Really?" you laughed, looking into her eyes and subconsciously doing the triangle method.

"No, nothings going to happen. I just want to tell you that I’m really lucky. And I know I say I love you a lot but I really do. I want you to know to what extent I do," Niamh said, moving a hand up to brush wet strands of hair off of your face, and then rubbing her thumb up and down your cheekbone. You kept on looking into her eyes, tilting your head gently and smiling at her softly. "Where is this coming from, my love?" you said softly, wrapping your arms loosely around her neck and pulling her in. The water was about waist deep, and your bodies stuck together in the ocean, nothing had ever felt more romantic. "To be honest that bathing suit is just really doing it for me," Niamh teasingly whispered into your ear.

You pulled away from her and jokingly pushed her backwards, sending her stumbling. You hadn’t meant to push her hard enough for her to fall, but she went tumbling into the water, disappearing into its ocean blue. You quickly covered your mouth with your hands, shock in your eyes. But as your girlfriend emerged, the shock turned into laughter. "I’m sorry baby," you giggled, not sounding sorry at all.

"Oh i’ll show you sorry," Niamh said, rushing towards you and body checking you under the water.

You dragged her down with you, your eyes both open as you looked at each other in the water. It felt like a movie, all very disney, but gay.

She kissed you, the salty ocean water in your eyes should have hurt, but it didn’t, not really.

You both emerged gasping, clinging to each other and giggling.

The rest of the day was spent eating, playing frisbee and volleyball, and just having fun. When you got to the hotel, you laid down in your bed and scrolled on instagram. On Ellie’s story, a video of you and Niamh in the water, you pushing her, her pushing you, your laughter and fun radiating through the phone.

Little lovebirds, it was captioned.

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

7th September 2024, Saturday

the weekendddd (more like my end)

day 13/50 productivity challenge

🕒 10:00 a.m. - so i planned on waking up at 4 BUT my alarm clock literally stopped working so when i actually woke up and saw the time i was fully ready to break down into a sobbing mess (but i didn't, somehow). i'd been feeling sorta shitty since yesterday and that was sort of the last straw. i don't actually have any pressing deadlines and such but i told myself i would stick to my plans so i will stick to them. i want to complete everything i planned to this weekend so that i don't have to interfere with the meticulous plans i made that start from monday.

morning skincare

extended duolingo streak

practiced playing keyboard

texted my bestiee

studied psychology ch: human development

applied hairoil (haven't done it in few months but i want to get into the habit of applying it at least once a week)

rewatered my desk plant

read newspaper

cleaned my room

took headbath (my parents had gone grocery shopping and they had to wait like 20 mins outside the door because they hadn't taken the keys as i would be home lmao)

did an exercise video

trimmed my bangs (they're the only thing saving my appearance atp)

[a sneak peek into what my "schedules" look like, they're my organized mess] [an excerpt from my psychology textbook, literally that entire page explained the difference between sex & gender so clearly & gender roles, stereotypes, etc but ppl still walk around spewing all kinds of bigotry in the name of "science". ofc the focus on 2 binary genders is not appreciated AT ALL]

🕒 9:00 p.m. - went downstairs for the ganesh chaturthi pooja & celebration in my apartment, it's a pretty big deal in our society actually. saw an old friend who i hadn't seen in AGES (whenever me & my other friend call her she's always busy studying) *girlie has been in jee allen coaching since 9th grade*

🕒 10:30 p.m. - came back up home !!

played 1 game of chess online

posted a youtube short and downed a cup of coffee

outlined note structure psychology ch: sensory, attentional and perceptual processes (wow that's a mouthful)

outlined note structure psychology ch: learning

outlined note structure psychology ch: human memory

🕒 1:00 a.m. - confession: i planned an all nighter but i fell asleep for longer than i anticipated. also i NEED to fix my alarm clock. i'm questioning if coffee even makes a difference because i was able to sleep like a log (for that specific time) even after drinking.

[kaydeefalls]

20 questions for writers

tagged by @lindstromm - thanks! I'm in a bleh mood so a good askmeme is right up my alley at the moment.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

229, which include any fic I've written going back to 2002. About 30 of those works are vids instead.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,518,992! I just passed the 1.5mil mark with my last fic, and am very pleased with that. Especially because I remember only passing the 1mil mark early on in TOG fandom, so I've written quite a lot of those words just in the past few years. (By my standards, at least, that's a lot!)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Many. I am very multifannish at heart. I tend to settle into one primary fandom for a few years at a time, but even then, I'm still writing the occasional oneshot for random other fandoms. Most recent primary fandoms were The Old Guard and X-Men, most recent fic posted was for Heartstopper (and I'll likely linger in that fandom for a bit now that I'm here).

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Logical Deduction (HP, Remus/Sirius) - a very silly fic from 2006 that has, to my mild dismay, somehow risen the kudos ranks (6245 kudos?!) by virtue of the sheer enormity of HP fandom. So it goes.

it's like one of us woke up (X-Men, Charles/Erik) - XMFC canon divergence / fix-it fic. I'm still unsure why this is my most popular Cherik fic, but I'm not mad about it.

she's the one that they call old whatsername (Star Trek AOS, Kirk/Spock) - my only non-crossover Trek fic, and always-a-girl!Kirk to boot. I do love this one, still.

The Pond Continuum (Doctor Who, Amy/Rory) - in which Amy and Rory unwittingly encounter various other companions as they live out their post-Doctor life on the slow path. I am fond.

life is very long (Old Guard, Nicky/Joe) - my first TOG fic, posted like a week after the movie hit fandom like a ton of bricks, and reaping the kudos benefits of being in the right place at the right time. It was a good entry point into a new fandom for me, for sure!

I do love that my top 5 are all completely different fandoms; that feels very reflective of me as a writer. (Top 6, actually, since #6 is MCU.)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, always, if only with a quick thanks. Because I really appreciate receiving them, and want the commenters to know.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The angstiest ENDING? I have to dig deeper into the past for those, because I was more prone to writing them when I was much younger. These days, while I do enjoy a bit of angst along the way, I NEED a happy ending. Probably one of my old Remus/Sirius fics, but I'm not going trawling for a link now.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them, lately. I need to believe in happiness. Fandom is my escapism from an increasingly grimdark reality.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Very rarely, fortunately. Let's keep it that way. The backbutton is right there if you don't like any of my fics, no hard feelings.

9. Do you write smut?

Not really? Sex scenes, yeah, sometimes, but I've only got 4 fics (out of 229) rated as Explicit, and honestly, glancing over them now, they probably only really warrant an M rating. I have no interest in describing bits and bodily fluids in graphic detail, I don't personally find that sexy. But sex is a significant element of human connection for many folks, so yeah, I'll include it where it feels appropriate.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Yes, though I prefer fusions (characters from one verse written into another) to more literal crossovers (character A from fandom A meets character B from fandom B). But I've certainly written a few. They're fun!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several! I'm always excited and honored when that happens.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Nope, never. I'd be curious to try that out someday, though honestly, writing is such a private/internal activity for me that I'm not sure I'd be any good at it.

14. What is your all time favorite ship?

I do NOT play favorites in this way. I love all my OTPs in all their unique and individual ways, and I'll always happily revisit them years and years later (as a reader, at least). Here, let's just say that Mulder/Scully was my very first ever OTP, so they will always have a special place in my heart.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I've never abandoned a WIP once I've started posting it (though a couple took YEARS to finish, ugh), so really, now we're just looking at my personal WIP folder in gdocs. There are a few in there I'm sad about leaving unfinished. Um, let's go with an old Doctor Who/Torchwood fic, which I've got like 15k words written for but have long since moved on from. Every few years I'll dig it up and reread what I wrote and quietly mourn the fact that I never finished it, but there's no way I'll ever get back into that particular headspace (and the fandom is a very different place now).

16. What are your writing strengths?

Character voices. I'm a good mimic.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Sex scenes/action scenes. I despise writing these. Smut I avoid, but action scenes are sometimes necessary, and they drive me up a fucking wall.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language during a fic?

If it's just a few words/brief phrases sprinkled in, because that's how the character in question would speak, great. If there's extended dialogue - well, still depends on the character POV to me. If the character DOES speak the other language, I'd write it out in English (since that's the language I write fic in) and indicate through the narration that they're actually speaking Italian, or French, or what have you. If the POV character does NOT speak the language themself but is overhearing it, I don't include the dialogue at all, just narration to describe it. It's all about whose POV we're in and what's actually being understood, to me.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

X-Files. You will not find those fics on my AO3. I was very young then.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

NO FAVORITES. TOO MANY FICS. My most recent fic is usually my current favorite, anyway, so have one last plug for and we have all the time in the world (to get it right) if you're into Heartstopper, and let's move on. 😉

No-pressure tagging @andrea-lyn, @knoepfchen, @polarcell and anyone who's in the mood to play!

[preciadosbass]

30/7/24 [draft from yesterday, again]

woke up at 9 and didn’t end up going back to sleep because my parents kept on talking about how i couldn’t as my provision/keyworker’s coming round. i know i usually get sleep, even if it’s in small amounts, but i never feel like i do. i scrolled through a few pictures of patrick stump until i had breakfast. i honestly felt so exhausted today following how my sleep and eating is at the moment.

my provision [person i have to see instead of going to school] came round almost immediately after i got up so i got dressed listening to escape the fate and then i obviously have to see her. i was about to say good morning to boris on the driveway when she pulled up so i ran off into the living room and waited for her to come in. i think she could tell that i was not having it today so we just awkwardly played uno for an hour. it’s hard to explain stuff like this without sounding ungrateful, i know it’s better than being at school, AND i know it makes me sound stupid, but i’m so scared of her. i really don’t like having to see her.

after she left i went outside and cuddled boris. he was literally the most affectionate id ever seen him in the four years we’ve had him. he usually just goes back and forth and brushes his head on me but today he wouldn’t leave me alone [in the best way.] i took a few videos of him rolling around on the floor and being playful because he’s just too cute. after being out with him for around 35 minutes i went back inside and finished watching tv from yesterday.

my dad came into my room at some point with something behind his back and i assumed it was some weird ass bug because he does tend to hand me stuff like that a lot. i didn’t believe that whatever it was wasn’t alive so i looked away and he put it behind my pillow and walked out. turned out it was a FALL OUT BOY CD!!! he got a deal on ebay and thought he might aswell get me something he knew i like. i love him so much.

after talking to my dad about fall out boy i went back to my room and carried on watching tv. while doing so i made another collage [shown at the end]. i’m not entirely happy with it but i knew it’d be a little iffy as i don’t have anything too interesting to stick into my book. i also didn’t have enough receipts/stickers [etc] to finish it anyways, but at least i liked making it.

i watched tv up until 4 when started collecting pictures of chris drew and other people like that to print out sometime, and then at some point i went upstairs to play roblox with my sister as we haven’t had one to one time in ages — or time together whatsoever for that matter. we played pierce the veil obby, natural disaster and fashion famous. it was really nostalgic playing roblox again.

my phone battery got low so i went back downstairs to the driveway and cuddled boris for like 30/40 minutes. mum came back from shopping so i had a couple grapes and watched a few videos on roller coaster crashes. after that i went on a walk with my mum to this abandoned well i haven’t been to since like 2018. [couple of pics also at end, the rest are at my insta @//iloveechicheng]

when i got home i looked for boris at his favourite spot [perched under my dads car] and when he wasn’t there i momentarily freaked out and as i looked up i noticed him on the windowsill looking out at me from the kitchen?? he’s literally never sat on a windowsill, at least not to my knowledge.. it was so cute OMGG

at this point it was about 9:30 so i stayed awake for as long as i could until i had a 20 minute nap and then went up to my parents to ask them questions about boris because they were still awake [1am i think]. we didn’t argue as we were all just so tired. afterwards i went downstairs intending to have another 20 minute nap but i woke up at 2 so i rushed to say goodnight to boris before i fell asleep again.

* ignore how weird the collage looks, i had to blur out most of the stuff on the receipts

have a good day/night -_<

[knightofthegarden]

Aster Lore Collection

Over on twitter, I made a post letting people exchange likes for lore facts - and got over 30!

Twitter is no archive though, and also character limits suck, so in this post I will compile, rewrite, and reorganize all the lore that was earned. (Note: Aster "Яeverse" will get her own post, and so will be omitted from this post. You will get bonus lore instead.)

Note that this is a companion piece to a my lore video, as both help explain each other.

Quick Facts:

Full name: Aster Gardenia

Birthday: March 29th

Age: 28

Height: 5'3" (160 cm)

Representative flowers: aster, gardenia, forget-me-not, lilly of the valley, meadowsweet, bird of paradise

Representative tarot arcana: Strength

Aster is left handed (which, fun fact, makes learning the sword twice as complicated. :'D )

Aster was originally going to have a much more formal speaking style, but it quickly became limiting (both for expression and tweet character limit). My first few tweets had the weirdest vibes.. I would not have survived a stream like that.

The Garden and the Modern Era:

While Aster fell into her magical sleep "once upon a time", she awoke in @wildflowersthebunny's magical garden in September of 2014! This means Aster has lived in the 21st century for just over 9 years.

Aster's gratitude towards Wildflowers is also why she is "of the garden"; the garden protected her slumber, and Wildflowers cared for her when she awoke, so Aster now serves them in place of her former masters.

The hundreds of years of sleep also resulted in considerable muscular atrophy, and Wildflowers literally helped get her moving again. (As in, she rigged my model!) It was during this time of not being able to get up from her sleep casket, getting physical therapy from Wildflowers and hearing about the world she woke up in, that Aster also got to watch Wildflowers start her streaming career, and was inspired to do so herself.

Despite serving a magic garden and waking up from a magical sleep, Aster herself is not magical at all. She is a completely mundane human knight. She also doesn't know all that much about plants, despite being named after them. (At least she doesn't have a pollen allergy?)

Aster's weapon of choice is the hand-and-a-half sword, otherwise known as the bastard sword. She usually wields it two handed, but occasionally makes use of a buckler on her off hand. She recently joined a local HEMA group practicing German long sword, but she's lost a lot of arm strength since her long sleep. Train hard, Aster!

Aster likes retro games despite waking up in 2014 because when she was figuring out the whole technology thing, she saw the playstations and assumed you had to start at 1. She never really got to that third one. There's a lot of good PS2 games. (Nintendo 64 was very confusing.)

Aster has a degree in computer science! Why?? Well, similar to last fact - computers seemed pretty important in this time period, so she thought she had to study them to figure out living here. (It doesn't work like that.) (But swords are expensive so it all works out.)

Pierre (my lovely cat) did not come from Viatorum, he was adopted 4 years ago and has lived his entire life in the 21st century. He loves swords anyway because he has good taste.

Before the Magical Sleep:

Aster was originally from the small kingdom of Viatorum, where she served the royal family, who she refers to as her sovereign. Aster's sovereign consisted of the king, queen, queen-mother, princess, and the young prince. Aster interacted with all of them, but primarily spent time with the prince and princess (since they were similar ages), and was working towards being the prince's personal knight. Their names, and their history, were all erased when Viatorum was conquered.

Aster's sovereign were Viatorum's final ruling family, all of whom were executed when the kingdom was conquered during the war. Viatorum was merely a stepping stone on that larger, more militant kingdom's conquest, but even its name has been lost to the centuries...

There are still a few distant descendants of Viatorum who still remember its holidays, and Aster gets together to celebrate and remember with them whenever she can. The most prominent of these is January 27th, Viatorum's Founding Day.

Aster's duties as a knight mainly consisted of standing guard around the castle and accompanying the royal family - meaning she was not setting out on any grand adventures or military conquests, slaying monsters or defeating dangerous foes. Viatorum was a peaceful place before the war, and her sovereign did not allow Aster to actually fight in that war. (In other words: despite her love of swords, Aster isn't actually especially powerful, and her kill count is zero. Not edgy.)

Aster has not always been the loud, goofy, friendship-filled knight she is today. Aster had very few friends in childhood, and became a knight because she was lonely, and she figured that people would value someone who was strong, reliable, and able to be of service to them. Even among the knights, she was known as a cold, unfeeling person, and most saw her more as a drill sergeant to be wary of than a potential friend. She only knew how to market herself as an effective tool, hoping for someone to see her as "of use" to them, but despite her continuous efforts, she remained alone, because that's not how friends work.

Aster nearly joined the guard not as a knight, but as part of the military band. She plays trumpet! Joining the military band still involved doing drills, and also wouldn't let her have a sword, so she decided to work harder for the more prestigious position instead.

Aster's Sovereign:

The Young Prince: The young prince had a poor constitution, and thus disliked most martial activities, preferring the arts. He was always picking up new crafts; leather-working, sewing, puppetry, painting. He was never satisfied with his results, but Aster found them very impressive.

The young prince had periods where he was proud, brilliant, and ambitious, and others where he was timid and depressed, usually depending on his health. Aster saw his pride as his truest self, and wanted to encourage and cheer him on always. (Now, she will do that for you.)

An anecdote: Once, the young prince fell ill while he was in a different kingdom on a diplomatic trip, and Aster was so frustrated not being there to care for him that she became jealous of the nurses at the other kingdom.

The Princess: The princess was just a year older than Aster, and aimed to take on the martial activities her brother could not, practicing diligently in combat and equestrian arts. She insisted Aster practice fencing with her, and the two often went riding together or walked the gardens and talked for hours. The princess was the first peer Aster felt treated her as a true friend.

An anecdote: The princess was stronger than Aster, even before the muscular atrophy. Aster made her promise not to tell her parents how often she lost their sparring matches, fearing that her right to guard them would be called into question. Aster redoubled her training efforts so she could properly protect the princess and her family. (Now, she does so for the garden and all of her friends.)

The Queen: The queen was incredibly well spoken and well liked, and often held magnificent parties. Viatorum's long peace was often attributed to her talent at earning people's trust, and her writing was said to have built many friendships.

An anecdote: Wanting her attitude to reflect the hospitality of the house she served, Aster forced herself to to try to connect with others at the Queen's parties, even though she had in many ways given up on her ability to do so. While Aster is still not much of a party person, she was surprised to find success, and actually enjoyed getting to know the Queen's many friends. (Now she is able to put herself out on the internet and meet and encourage so many wonderful people she may have never met otherwise! People are nice, actually.)

The King: The king was a strict, sometimes angry man, but he was fair and cared deeply for his people. Aster often worried that displeasing him would cost her her position on the palace guard, but it was he who proved that she was valued for who she was, not her achievements.

The King's passion was for economics, and combined with the relationships the Queen forged with neighboring kingdoms, he was credited for making Viatorum a flourishing center of trade.

An anecdote: At first, Aster always arrived early to escort the queen-mother to tea, often making her feel the need to rush, which was dangerous for someone her age. The king scolded Aster fiercely after his mother-in-law almost slipped coming to the door one day, but was the one to explain that her mistakes didn't automatically make him dislike her. It was the first time she thought of relationships as other than a cost-benefit analysis, and it's a lesson she keeps reminding herself to this day, and hopes to teach her viewers too.

The Queen-Mother: The queen-mother was fiercely loved by the king and queen, and for good reason. Every conversation Aster had with her led to her learning something about people, life, or herself. It was no wonder the queen had such a way with people.

The queen-mother faced many challenges in her old age, but she knew life was worth enduring them, and that was her strength. She'd struggled through many hardships, and found many treasures at the other side.

An anecdote: Waking up in a foreign time period, hardly able to move, it was the queen-mother's memory that inspired Aster to search for a way forward, even before she could see it. It was there. It always is. Now, she hopes she can help others believe that too.

[you-are-so-much-better-than-that]

I was tagged by the absolute loves of my life @metalheadmickey @heymrspatel @whatwouldmickeydo and @deathclassic to do a joy list and I’ll never say no to those! Here are some highlights from my time away

Joy List

1. Finally meeting my almost three year old niece and nephew and falling completely in love with them. Meeting my four month old niece and attending her baptism. Getting to hold another niece less than 24 hours after she was born.

2. My nephew’s eyes shining super bright when his mom told him ‘I got you something’ and without any more information on what that thing might be him immediately responding “ooooo thank you mama’ in the most adorable freaking voice

3. My niece playing doctor with me with her toy stethoscope, checking my heart and saying ‘sounds good’

4. My nephew coming over to me and lying down on top of me and tracing the scar on my knee gently, turning around and squeezing me, then going back to watching tv while lying on top of me.

5. My nephew handing me my crutch even though I didn’t need it because he had the urge to play with it then remembered ‘it’s not a toy’ but he’s already picked it up.

6. My niece interrupting our little game to say “I’m having so much fun hanging out with you”

7. My niece being annoyed at Charlie and yet asking to FaceTime him as soon as she leaves.

8. My little baby niece farting the loudest fucking fart! She farted so loud one night, she woke up her dad who thought someone was breaking into their home. HOW does something so loud come out of such a tiny baby!

9. Her dimples. Her laugh. Her smile. Her crazy messy hair.

10. When she sleeps in my arms.

11. Just born baby feet wrinkles!

12. Watching my aunt and uncle be grandparents and my cousins be dads.

13. My aunt teaching me to how to cook Egyptian food.

14. Finding the perfect pair of knee high brown suede shoes that actually zip up around my calves!

15. Sparkly boots

16. Meeting friends! Hugging friends for the first time. Hugging friends in the middle of a bus station. Really long first hugs.

17. Friendsgiving dinner.

18. Rented fancy chairs and charger plates!

19. The smell of tomato pie..

20. Getting to flex my brain muscles a little and finding that I do still got it apparently

21. Trader Joes and Petco shopping trips

22. A cuban sandwich and tacos

23. Service dogs with ear muffs when a theatre is too loud

24. Being called a jackal

25. Museum days and sculpture butts

26. Crossing things off my bucket list

27. Seeing my friends’ homes for the first time.

28. Sleepovers with friends

29. Knowing that in just a short couple of months I’ll get to see my family and friends again. Making concrete plans for it. Seeing it in their calendars.

30. This space. This community. All of you make me so, so joyful! It’s been almost a year since I’ve joined this place officially, and it has been the most transformative year I’ve had in a long time. It hasn’t been an easy one, but you’ve all helped me weather it. I love you all so much!!!!

And since this was going around a while ago, I’m gonna tag some friends! @whatwouldmickeydo @heymrspatel @metalheadmickey @gallawitchxx @gardenerian @iansfreckles @thisdivorce @squidyyy23 @tidalrace @auds-and-evens @creepkinginc @celestialmickey @deathclassic @energievie @howlinchickhowl @ianstummy @mikhailoisbaby @mrsinistertype @mickmilks @rereadanon @sickness-health-all-that-shit @sleepyfacetoughguy @doodlevich @xninetiestrendx @smokey-mickey @suchagallabitch @y0itsbri @look-i-love-u @vintagelacerosette @milkovichy @milkovski @clingymickey @whatthebodygraspsnot and literally anyone else who wants to share some joy! 

[mariska]

had a horrible sickness & chronic autoimmune disease symptom flareup combo hit me really hard last night at a time thats a few hours earlier than when my hyperactive brain is used to taking my nighttime meds and getting ready to try and sleep but one of my moms found me literally like rotting away in physical distress on my recliner in the living room and made me some rly good tomato soup and grilled cheese and encouraged me to take my sleepy meds early and go try to get some rest and i am very glad that she did cuz even though my brain/body was still definitely restless and i didnt sleep entirely through the night, i managed to get a decent amount of rest from like 9 pm to 7 am (i had apparently forgotten to set my alarm too so thank fuck my body just Woke Up then and not like. 2:30 pm like it usually does when i mess up with my alarm clock lmfao 😭) so!! that felt like a promising start to the day at least and i've been in desperate need of having a day that feels hopeful at all in any regard after waking up so i will take that little victory gladly 🥺✌️if im able to gather up the physical & mental energy for it i wanna try to do some dungeons & dragons related art/design for stuff having to do with my character Sludge i play as in the group im a part of since our next session gathering is a week from today and we all leveled up at the end of the last session. Sludge has been evolving in very fun and cool ways as a character too btw she is for sure a new All Time Fav oc of mine amongst the ranks of Lifelong Self-Insert OC Paige Bond™️ at this point bfshhhshssgsbf <3 i wrote down this whole backstory skeleton in my phone notes of general concepts and ideas about where she grew up and what her pre-dnd campaign life was like that resulted in me making a whole new note page of characters and concepts and plots for the actual location she's from which has been such a blast to imagine and slowly piece things together like a big ol puzzle so i would love to turn all of that into actual short stories with illustrations and stuff sometime soon too.....ANYWAYS!! to quote 90's jeff goldblum life uhhhh........finds a way

[soletlunasims]

Ares: "Yes..... Uh huh.... Oh, wow! That's really big! And you're writing on it for the paper, yeah?..... Well this will be great for both of us!.....Mhm.....mhm. okay.... Love you, too. See you later tomorrow. Oh! Happy Love day, Lovie. Sorry again about missing it. Mmm love you, too. Buh-bye"

Ares called Xaidin early in the morning to check in and wish him a happy Love day. (Honestly funny how this worked out to being posted on Valentine's day. I didn't even think about it until now😂)

Then she called Gunnar. They always spent the nights with each other on Fridays and Saturday. Not usually during the day. But it was love day and Ares was not going to spend it stuck inside this dingy room. It was a miracle she even slept in it every weekend to begin with.

Ares: *on the phone* "It's love day!"

Gunnar: "....so?... Ares... It's, like, 9 AM. It's Saturday. Why are you up? You should be sleeping in."

Ares: "wha..? I did. I woke up at 7:30 this morning. How much more do you want me to 'sleep in'?"

Gunnar: "Watcher... Nevermind. What about love day?"

Ares: "Come hang out with me. I'm bored. You want me to just spend the holiday cooped up in here?"

Gunnar: *eye roll* "... Fine... Okay, yeah. Give me.... Like an hour?"

Ares huffed but she knew that Gunnar was going to move at his place so she would have to be patient.

About an hour and a half later, Gunnar showed up.

Gunnar: "okay. What was it that you wanted?"

Ares: *scoffs* "C'mon. Take me out. I don't wanna sit here all day. Usually I would catch up on emails and other work things but.... I don't know. Seems like a waste of a good love day."

Gunnar: *huffs in disbelief* "Since when do you care about this shit? Not for as long as I have known you and that's a pretty long time."

Ares: "Well... I can be full of surprises."

Gunnar rolls his eyes.

Ares: "What?"

Gunnar: *shakes his head* "nothing.... Also. Really? My shirt... Are you ever going to give it back?"

Ares: "Nevermind that. Tell me where I can get a drink around here. I'm sick of having Zoomers deliver to me and I'm hoping the bartenders in this town know how to make the shit you guys call liquor into something actually palatable."

Gunnar: "I would say they mix drinks just fine... But I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that you'll find something to complain about."

Moonwood Mill is not that big but Ares has always been so cautious to not show her face just in case someone here notices her. On the very slim chance.

Today she's feeling reckless. It must be the love day vibes. Gunnar has no clue what has gotten into her.

The bar is quite literally across the street from the motel.

Gunnar was right... Ares thinks the drinks are swill.

Gunnar and Ares hang out inside the sitting room for a while.

Ares: "The drinks were bad.... And I mean REALLY bad... But everyone here seems so friendly. Even the dog people."

Gunnar: "Don't call them that, Ares. Watcher, what is wrong with you?"

Ares: ".....sorry."

She seemed genuinely ashamed of her ignorance. Gunnar brought the conversation back on track. He didn't mean to make Ares feel shitty for her mistake. Though he wasn't really expecting her to be so empathetic, either.

Gunnar: "Yes. Most everyone here knows everybody else. Unless they're new. In that case, it doesn't take long for word to get around. Visitors tend to be forgotten....or eaten."

Ares looked at him horrified.

Gunnar: *laughs* "Relax. I'm just kidding."

Ares: "Well... If I'm careful then, I can get a chance to chat up the locals."

Gunnar: "sure."

Ares decided to do just that. She spent the next few hours chatting people up.

At some point, Gunnar left. Ares didn't even notice until he was already gone.

"I'm sure I'll be paying for that later..." , Ares thought.

[hotgirlshart]

it’s 11:11 do time to reflect on this retreat! or it was when i started this post lol now it’s been like 4 days and ive remembered this.

so wow. this retreat is like 24 hrs 3 pm to 3 pm type shit and wow. i’m sitting in my besties room because it’s so scary and i will die if i have to sleep the night alone! i’ve i thought i could tough it out but it’s scary and ive cried so much today!

me and @enashinonome are doing the retreat together!! she made a crazy insane speech that almost brought me to tears! then it just all spiraled from there and i was soon sobbing so hard that i couldn’t walk for like an hour! i literally love aya so much!! yall have no idea what she’s like irl it’s insane! we did this thing were everyone walked around giving people hearts and telling the receiver they love them and why even if you barely know the person and i loved it. some people chose to highkey be manipulative about it and go “i miss you we haven’t talked since sophomore year let’s talk again” to everyone whose been avoiding her because she’s the most two faced person ive ever met and said that to a good friend that she slutshamed and seriously hurt multiple times and had previously moved on!!! that was insane!!! literally everyone had moved on and forgotten but oh! you chose to do this while everyone was so emotionally fragile and at the very end of the group crying session!

but otherwise, the night was fire. everyone came over and chatted in me and besties room. then we watched like 15 min of la la land and passed out at like 1:15/30. he snores. my back hurt so bad when i woke up bc the bed was like a single? whatever smaller than a twin is. fire rooms though each got their own bathroom.

second day was less fire because the group i got assigned was lame!! i have such a weird mental relationship with this girl and they just had to put me with her. i fear i could never say anything emotional around her. plus the first day my group was like so peak. everyone sobbed their eyes out together and now we are like permanently bonded. we had a lot of “go touch grass and get outside” time which i love because i love being in the sun. i’m naturally freezing so whenever i can be in the sun i will.

getting back to school was lame. watched more of la la land with bestie on the bus. but then we landed and it was like damn. i have to be a part of the real world again. i’m not in my little fairy land of community. and first thing i saw was a widely hated (for good reasons) junior sitting with an gaggle of freshmen which was… also the crushing realization that tech was starting the next day and i needed to be at school at 10 on a saturday. and then 9 on a sunday. i showed up an hour late both times. first time because during the retreat a like rubber band in my braces broke and ripped a giant cut in my mouth and i was going insane and needed to go to the orthodontist.

tldr: i hate people i love people - tana mongeau but i do seriously feel so much more connected to everyone i was on the retreat with and it was a really amazing experience and im so excited for the senior year retreat (it’s a week long vs 24 hrs). i fear im more inclined to just walk up to people and talk about how much i love them now. it was a really ethel cain type place though like this girl got some photos that look exactly like inbred and golden age type shit.

[relapsdcw]

10.17.2024 , 2:30am

tw:// su!cide, s/h mention, bpd, drug use, medical/ bodily fluids?

it's funny i made this account and then lost all motivation to really blog on it, and now after my boyfriend and i watching shows im high and decided to feel my feelings at a minimum intensity so i can write this lol

the last few days have been a blur, really. i woke up friday morning so stressed out i was brushing my teeth and started gagging, which ended up leading to a panic attack, and i called out of work 30 minutes prior to my start time telling my store manager i "couldn't stop throwing up" when in reality i was so anxious and couldn't stop shaking, so i called in and i couldn't get out of bed for the entire day.

then saturday came, and the stress of me calling out and how bad i felt ended up actually making me sick, and i spent the day with a fever and actually throwing up.

it made me feel good, in a way though? because i've been relapsing with my eating disorder so me being sick was a reason for me to avoid eating all together.

sunday was spent the same way- bed rotting, attempting to play video games- and then losing energy for it after an hour and laying back in bed because being awake is unbearable.

monday came; some important context is that i tend to get violently high on my off days / at night to help my anxiety, i wake up in the morning with it worn off and severe panic attacks every. single. morning. i'm unmedicated and haven't gone to receive medical care in almost 3 years. my BPD looks a lot more like A and less like B. so.. the edibles help.--- anyway, i wake up from nocturnal panic attacks every morning and it's been like that since may of 2023.

it originally started because my fp at the time had started being more emotionally distant after i got a girlfriend (i'll talk abt her in another post), and i slept-called with him every night anyway (yes i understand that is cheating kind of and i feel terrible but i would literally have panic attacks if i didn't call him lol) ANYWAY i noticed he started to get distant and he told me he was sleep calling w another girl at the same time but it felt okay because he said he kept her on his pc while he keeps me on the phone... yeah i was- it was bad erm anyway the only other thing that has really helped in the past has been either not having work the next day, or cuddling with someone while i'm asleep & them rubbing my back / holding me back to sleep whenever i wake up from more anxiety. ANYWYAY. It was monday-- i had work.

i went to work, i spent the entire day thinking i had a bladder infection when in reality i was so anxious i couldn't stop peeing (no seriously, i kept apologising to my team because i kept peeing every 40 minutes or so) and i felt SO TERRIBLE because my team was perfect we should've gotten out early anyway, i had to text my mom and tell her i had to go to the clinic in the morning, and she said okay after a few attempts of me trying to reach her. (her and my dad drove somewhere to buy erm.. idk can i say this in tumblr? lol.) anyway, i got home and my shift ended- i ran into my parents and talked about it with my mom who couldn't understand what a uti was and i just had to explain it hurt to pee.. anyway we planned to go at 9:30 on tuesday

that night also my boyfriend and i got into a fight and i ended up freaking out and trying to break up with him (i genuinely don't remember what the fight was about) (idk if it was a split or a i was hangry but i blacked out with anger) ... my boyfriend is more patient than i could ever ask for.

tuesday comes: my mom moves the time from 930 to 1130. for some reason this triggered my bpd and i started to take it as she doesn't care about me because i need to go to the clinic and she's wasting my time and she keeps moving the time to later because she doesn't want to hang out with me because she has flaked on me the last 4 times i asked to go somewhere with her and in that moment i was a little girl who needed her mom to take her to the doctor and i felt abandoned. she ended up walking into my room and giving me her antibiotics but i said i don't even know if i really had one, i didn't want to risk antibiotic resistance by taking her medication and it freaked me out- she got mad at me and we started arguing and the argument got so bad i just left. i started to run. i couldn't think about what i was doing i grabbed my phone and my wallet and just left.

i was so mad. the nausea started to set in and i started to feel sick leaving home. it felt like i was in high school again and i was scared. i just left. i'm 22 and i felt like a scared little kid. my mom and i arguing back and forth- i finally come home a little bit later after my mom and i talked. i walk in the door with her asking to go to the clinic now but i felt so exhausted from the fight i had no energy. i didn't care if i had a bladder infection or not i felt so tired- and then she kept prying. "let's go already" over and over again and it just snapped something. we started yelling-- i started yelling, i kept telling her how i thought she was just like dad, how manipulative she is and how fucked up it is that she's picking an abuser over her kids and how much i hate it when she gets high and how i cant trust her and how i cant even eat her food because its disgusting, she had known i wasn't eating and sick and i said that, and i saw the look on her face while she started to blame herself- she tried to come in and hug me but in the moment i was so scared i started to crawl away from her and told her i couldn't do this. i walked upstairs sobbing and started throwing stuff around my room, i felt like a toddler. i hated it. but i couldn't stop it felt like my emotions controlled me and i couldn't see anything good. i looked at the antibiotics my mom had given me earlier and googled them.

i could overdose on this.

it was all that was going through my mind i started to fantasise about my last moments i was sobbing dreaming about the pain but how i wouldn't have to live like this anymore; how i could finally rest, how tired i am- i felt scared for a second- and texted my boyfriend. he begged me not to do anything and i finally calmed down enough to sit on my carpet. i sat there for an hour just picking around at it trying to avoid getting up or moving because if i did, i would've reached for the bottle. i ended up getting so mad i smashed my glasses into my floor while sitting in my carpet and snapped them in 4 different pieces. that wasn't getting fixed. the rage still wasn't gone. i needed to hurt myself. my razors were within reach but instead i grabbed my hair brush. and started untangling my carpet. and i kept doing it until i felt like it was clean. if it was clean. i can be calm. if i can be calm, i can be done. and i did that for a few hours until i got up and started to clean my room. i got up and showered. my mom and i didn't talk for the rest of the night and i ended up spending the night watching movies on discord with my bf, but i got super sick so i had my face above my tea kettle boiling water so my nose could drain because erm.. i got really sick from going outside.

anyway.

now today- we'll yesterday was wednesday. my mom and i texted. i said i was sorry. i could pee with no pain until the very very end so i am instead trying to drink more water because i read that pee is actually super acidic and if u don't drink water it's super concentrated and i remember i really.. hadn't had any water the entire weekend/prev 5 days... so i've been drinking water and it doesn't bother me as much today? my dad doesn't want my mom doing my laundry because i "don't deserve it" but idk how he's allowed to live here when he's abused tf out of us our entire lives but go off ig idk ✨parental trauma sry✨ anyway my mom and i planned to go do my laundry today at 10:30am so im writing this and passing out.

i feel better today. i think. i cleaned my room more and ordered food and i was actually able to eat it. i'm kind of very broke now because i bought some stuff on amazon related to kink and wow that's expensive and i splurged more because... spending problems when upset.. lots of credit card debt.. (can get more into that too) but yeah. i ate food, my bf n i watched wizards of waverly place. i love him so much. i really do. argh lemme make an entire post abt him i swear

[preciadosbass]

15/8/24 [1 DIY/2, if you concider the jacket diy due to the custom aspects + got 2 CDS!! key & significant photos at end]

reguarding the end of yesterdays journal, the update for when i actually went to sleep was 3:40-50. i woke up today at 8, fed boris and briefly said goodmorning to him, checked my socials, and got to adding a new addition to the things i post. i’ve decided to do weekly recaps/highlights to focus on the cool things i’ve done because i can imagine most people dont want to read the long journals i write and find out if there’s anything interesting hidden in there. i therefore started screenshotting parts of my previous journals to write it down and make a draft/drafts. at 9:20 i started making just random drafts, like unposted pictures ive taken at reptile experience, things like that.

AND saw the new gerard way sighting via my tumblr feed!! apparently he was at the cinema again XD — at 9:30 i started downloading drawing references of my fav musicians and got to drawing my killjoy oc again at the same sort of time. i finished at 10:30 and had to keep on redrawing stuff before uploading it to my phone because i couldn’t find a layer id drawn scribbles on so i could delete it lmaoo // i’m not really happy with how it came out, look for more than a quarter of a millisecond and you notice everything wrong with it. hopefully if i keep up drawing everyday i’ll improve.

i cant expect much from a second time drawing since like 4 years ago but i’m just disappointed. everyone else on here is so talented *cries /hj* i scrolled on scenemo-related posts on my tiktok feed until getting ready to go out. i didn’t plan on going out today, mostly because i thought i’d be sleeping all day, but i didn’t have the urge to go back to sleep so i tagged along to see some family with my parents. i got dressed into my dark cargo jorts [told you i’d be wearing these a lot] and my skinless shirt, as that and my silent hill shirt are the only ones that go with the cargos. i also accidentally forgot all of my bracelets, so i felt naked the entire time i was out. 11:20, i went outside with boris.

he was SO affectionate and spent the whole time i was out there circling around me while pressing his-self onto my back and then going over to my hand to nudge it, and prompt me to stroke him. he’s like this almost all the time but something about it today just made me more happy than usual. i literally couldnt stop smiling. like he was propped up on me that’s so adorable 😭. i must’ve looked crazy to all the people driving past though. i stayed out until 12:10 when i had to leave.

i went out to see my grandad at his assisted living facility, his daughter [my distant aunt], and my other grandad, of whom i didn’t know was coming until we got there. i listened to underoath and paramore during the car ride and we got there at 12:30. i was greeted by the care home’s cat and with my grandad [the one who lives independently] WITH LITERALLY JUST HIS FRONT TEETH AND NO OTHER ONES APART FROM HIS BOTTOM SET 😭 he talked about something to do with this when i came round his house not too long ago but i thought he’d have more than two?? just joking, he found it funny i was surprised too.

the care home had this outside music thingy on so me, my mum, and my mums dad sat in the garden while my aunt and dad wheeled my grandad down to our table. he wasn’t as unresponsive as he sometimes is today. it was clear he tried to make conversation and said a few things which were just so - him. [he has dementia and dosent usually speak/has little to no mobility to an extent/has been this way since i can remember etc. just tryna give you an idea of why this was amazing.] a few times he came out with like, full sentences, which was nice to hear. my aunt also gave me the can tabs shes been collecting for me. me and my dad left to go charity shopping [thrifting] at 2, while the others stayed. we went into at least seven/eight and in the third i found an evanescence cd RAA - such a good find. not even a minute later my dad pointed out an avril lavigne cd which i also took and bought.

i cant wait to play them both, i just need to find something to do while listening. i’m bad at just listening to music without another task, i end up focusing on my thoughts and not taking in or processing any of the lyrics etc. me and dad walked back to the home and sat with the others for a bit before my dad and aunt took my grandad back up to the living room area. to be fair it was getting colder and we had to head off anyways. he didn’t like the lift very much but they eventually got him into his signature chair around all of his housemates and i said goodbye to him. i gave him a hug and he kissed me on the top of my head without any prompt whatsoever, which was heartwarming. we starting driving back at 3 and i listened to gerard way on the way home before having not even a minute long nap.

we got home at 3:10 and boris was so happy to see me. he ran up to the car once we’d parked and meowed at me while lifting up his head for me to stroke it. i stayed outside with him and added the new can tabs to my tab bracelet. it was enough to finish it so i tied it off and it’s a perfect fit. its big enough to go down my arm a bit, but not big enough to fall off my wrist. at 4:50 i randomly sparked an idea to make an upcycled necklace with one of my favourite musicians on it. i didn’t have any pictures of jaime or chi that were small enough to fit on a bottlecap, so i resorted to a print of kellin quinn. my dad drilled holes through a corona bottlecap and once he was done i used mod-podge to still the picture onto it. i left it to dry on a book and went back outside with boris.

he came inside to sit on the table so i also sat there with him until around 7:20 as my phone ran out. while i was sitting with him however, i attempted to draw my killjoy oc again. its honestly embarrassing so i’m never letting anyone see it and i hope i neevr do again — but it’s a shame because i genuinely thought it’d turn out alright. in my room i checked to see if my necklace had dried [it had], doomscrolled on tiktok, and saved outfit inspo. this lasted up until 8:30 and at this time i got dressed again to try on one of the outfits in question, just so i knew how it looked on me so i can wear it the next time i do something.

the outfit was: [there’s a photo at the end but you can’t see a few things because of the lighting] a sleeping with sirens shirt, with a long sleeved burgundy shirt underneath it rolled up to just above my elbows. with my can tab bracelet, a studded single rowed cuff, a wooden bracelet, a string bracelet consisting of lots of shades of blue, an earth colour schemed crystal ball bracelet, ripped skinny jeans, and a sleeping with sirens band bracelet. after taking photos for journal reference and so i don’t forget anything when i wear it, i found a plain black zip up jacket. i took a few pins off my backpack and added them to the pockets and neck piece/line.

they consisted of: a saw pin, a paper clip with the gay flag on [again, not even really because i’m gay - i just love the colours, a paper clip with a black stone/crystal sphere attatched, a pin implying taxidermy, a kellin quinn pin, and a pentagram pin. i tried it on, and maybe it’s just because of the general heat [although i tried it on at night and my room dosent have a working radiator or anything] but it warms me up almost immediately. which is great because i haven’t worn a coat since i started dressing alt and im always cold. i did all of the above while listening to my new evanescence cd — my favourite song from the album hasnt changed, its imaginary. afterwards i went out to the kitchen table and sat with boris.

my sister suddenly [i say suddenly, she’s always like this - which is why it’s so draining.] started screaming at the top of her lungs and jumping and punching the floor [the ceiling above the kitchen] and it was terrifying boris and archie. boris was already panicking, and then it set off the dog because he must’ve thought someone was dying. it was deafening. i went upstairs, frustrated, because she genuinely acts like she dosent share a house with anyone else and screams while gaming everyday; despite also being told to quiet down everyday. she also knows how loud she’s being, and how sound sensitive me and the animals are. anyway, i asked her to be quiet because she’s scaring boris [in an slight angry tone, because it was angering. but not like, anywhere near shouting.] and she replied with something along the lines of ‘no im not, and i don’t care.’

i told her to stop again and she shook her head and continued speaking to whoever she was playing a game with. i just said her name, again, implying for her to stop and she smirked and started waving at me. i said ‘what is wrong with you?’, she told me she hates me, and i walked off. then i cried for like 30mins because i felt guilty about saying that. i’m just really sick and tired of my cat, who lives here, feeling scared in his own home because of her. aswell as me, i also feel on edge here because of the whole screaming thing, and how angry she gets over it when she’s told to shut her door or quiet down. [shutting doors dosent make a difference though, as our house is from the 1800s and the walls are paper thin.] i carried on accompanying boris and made a couple of gerard way gifs at 11.

i went into my room for a split second and when i came back i saw that boris was sitting in corner beside the doorway of the kitchen. which i immediately thought was really weird, and then i saw that he’d been sick. i called my dad because i don’t know how to clean stuff like that up from our old floors and tried my best to comfort him. he wasn’t really having it, which makes sense because he obviously couldn’t have been feeling good. it was a hairball, thankfully [and unkthankfully, of course], most likely due to him licking/biting out lots of his hair because of the bugs from outside getting on him. my mum will be giving him treatment for it soon, it’s just always trouble when its applied, because he gets very agitated and one he runs away, your not getting another chance. and if you do get through to him and apply the treatment, you can’t really fuss him for over a day.

which is such an obstacle for me because i try my best to spend a lot, if not all, of my free time with him. he kept on wanting to go outside afterwards, so i left him to his own devices as he was still quite skittish over being around anyone. at 12:20 i was in my room after checking if he wanted to come in, when i decided i was gunna nap. i slept on and off for 10 minutes before my mum came back from being out with her friend. i napped again, this time on and off for 15-20 minutes. she came back once id woken up and let boris in with her. he straight away had something to eat at the bowls outside my room’s door and was purring. my mum told me that it was raining outside so i felt terrible that id accidentally left him out there while i slept. hopefully he managed to get under my dads car/the bit over the front door but he was clearly wet.

i attempted to fuss him and apologise. i spoke to my mum about why i think he’s not okay and then got the yes to coming up and doing the questions. on the way upstairs, boris followed me round the living room and onto the living room table. he put his head back for me to stroke it and purred again. which sort of gave me the idea that he was/is feeling better, which i hope with every part of me is the case. upon going up to ask the questions, my sister got into a huge heated argument with my parents over some update that’s coming to one of the game she plays tomorrow. she said that it’s being released at 4am our [UK] time.

my mum said my sister could put an alarm on her phone, but she said that it won’t wake her up and started begging my parents to wake up at 4 to get her up. they said no and she started screaming and everything. she finally went into her room after my dad looked it up and found out it’s allegedly happening at 9, so she got her phone back for 10 minutes to put on another alarm and tell her friend that the original time is most likely wrong. i started doing my questions after my sister agreed she wouldn’t disrupt them and everything would still be okay, even though she’s not supposed to be awake when i do things like this. mainly because of change in routine.

i started doing my questions and she came into my parents room and i had to stop. she eventually left after kind of verifying that didn’t mess everything up and i finished doing my questions. i actually managed to get downstairs at 2:25, so that’s also when i finished them. it took longer that it should’ve because of the really long argument and after boris being sick, i had even more reasons to believe he isn’t okay. and, my parents didn’t ask me to do them until quite late. i went on to pour myself some icy water, feed boris, do my teeth, and then say goodnight to boris.

i showed him what i’d done today and fed him his treats like always. he was purring like crazy throughout the whole time i was speaking to him which made me feel really relaxed. i finished at an unknown time [i thought i logged it but apparently not] and went to sleep at 4:10.

🗝️ — boris/my cat, archie/immediate family’s dog, questions [about boris]/i ask my parents questions about my cat to verify he’s okay + will be okay in the morning. its a compulsive thing and i’m hopefully going to be tested for OCD in the future.

have a good day/night O_o

[ghoulishdude]

Hi, everyone! Been a while since I wrote one of these but I really need to let it out somehow...warning for somewhat (?) unbalanced personal situatiob, also excuse any typos I'm just trying to get it all out at once

So, for context my mom grew up in the 80's , youngest daughter of 6 siblings, basically helping run the household since she was about 8, cooking cleaning gardening washing...you name it (this is a fact she constantly brings up btw)

The thing is, she continued the cycle with me, which I'm thankful for cause honestly life skills ™, having me do my laundry and ironing since I got my first period (9 years old) as well as do the dishes and put them away, aside from other things.

Well, I have an older brother...and guess what, this was not the case for him. Sure, he'll wash his own dish and take out the trash every once in a while but that's it. Ask him to fold his socks and he'll look at you like all confused.

Now the issue for me has always been the expectation of having to do everything for everyone else, and my brother not getting the same treatment. Like, if my mother's reasoning is that we need to know these things for when are independent, why am I the only one receiving these 'lessons'? (Note: a few years ago I actually asked her and she told me, a bit jokingly but still concerning, that my brother would just move in with me when she passes away, and then find a wife to do those chores for him, which...wow)

It's also annoying that, since he won't do the chores in question, whenever I'm doing something of my own, I'm asked to get up leave it and go do that chore. Some examples: having to get up to take the laundry out of the dryer while I'm trying to meet a deadline for a class I'm taking, despite being told that my sole focus should be my academic growth (ok contradictions), having to pause my workout routine (that I started because she subtly told me I was getting chubby) because I had to help her find something in the kitchen and today's incident...

Basically what happened over this weekend is that my best friend of over ten years invited me to her sister's dance competition and then to sleepover at her house (this is a yearly occurrence so you know). I'm always reluctant to attend not because of them, I love them they've always made me feel like part of their home, but because of my mom's reaction when I get back home the day after.

When I was younger I understood as her looking after her teenage daughter and being worried about her staying the night at a different house...fine, understandable. Now, having the same reactions when I'm a young adult (literally 22) and staying at a house where I've stayed hundreds of times, and being promised to be driven over before sundown? Weird If you ask me.

Anyways, everything was going well the morning after the competition, Sunday morning, she texted me and asked when I was going to be home, I told her that after lunch and that my bestie's mom was driving me, she said ok. We had lunch at about 4:30/5pm (again, it's a Sunday and also we woke up super late), she texts me super insistently asking where I was, I told her that still at the house, she asked why I didn't take a taki, I reminder that my friend's mom was giving me a ride, why spend money at all? Well, she basically told me to do whatever i wanted then. I expected that but it still hurt.

I came back home at around 6:10, the sunset hadn't even begun, and what did I get home to? Passive aggression and the cold shoulder, who would've known? Part of me wonders if it's bitterness at not getting to have the same experiences (at my age she already had my brother and been married to my dad for 3 years) or it's the lack of control over having me near at all times?

Oh, yeah, I forgot, I came home and noticed that all the laundry was tended out to dry and hadn't been put away, so all the insisting I get home was to fold the laundry and put it away in everybody's closets. Fun.

Which brings me to my previous point...all the frustration I feel about my brother and I not having the same responsibilities or duties. Like, if I'm not home or I'm busy, couldn't my brother, you know just thinking out loud, do the frickin laundry? And then when I try to bring it up she shuts me down with how it doesn't bother her to cook and clean for everybody so why does it bother me, and how I'm so selfish, cold hearted and I'm going to die alone if I keep acting that way (honest to God)

By the way, it's the same with cooking, everytime she wants to show me a new trick or dish I tell her to get my brother and she tells me that it's no point because I'll be the one cooking at the end (yeah, because you never bothered to teach him anything, like you did me) Also I was nine years old with you making me cry over not knowing to fold underwear. Maybe a twenty seven year old man will learn faster? But idk

That's all for now. I'd appreciate any advice, quote, moment, new perspective...over all I just needed to express my feelings and this has helped before.

If you've made it this far tell me what's your favorite book! I've been trying to get back into reading.

Thank you and good night <3

[elderemorune]

I know I already said this but...

Fuck, what a week.

It's 9:00 AM in the city, and I'm already smoking a joint. A lot of these days I'd say it's pretty, and hell sometimes that's even the point!

Bad poetry aside, I don't even really know what I wanted to talk about with this post. I'm just so tired, you know?

I literally just woke up and I'm still tired.

It's not the first time. Hell it'll probably happen again tomorrow too. Does that ever end though? Will I ever reduce my stress to the point where I actually get a good night's sleep? Who knows.

Hey, I guess we could do a Final Fantasy update!

THIS is Slicks M'harbeck, a fucking giant of a woman. She and I have been traveling Eorzea together for a couple of weeks now, and just cleared A Realm Reborn a couple of days ago. Last night we got to the only raid I've ever done (and the last bit of content I actually remember), the Crystal Tower! Honestly that raid is fun as fuck, and I can't wait for the next one.

My roommate says I need to do Coils of Bahamut, but I don't know how to unlock them. I mean, this is an MMO, I can just look it up. Or ask my Novice Network, since they believe that Coils should be mandatory.

I'm still trying to get my relic weapon, but it seems like nobody queues up for that fight. I waited 30 minutes and didn't even get the queue to pop. I just wanna fight Chimera! I'll ask my D&D group if they'll queue with me later today I guess.

Even if they don't though, I can always get HW's relic, right?

Right?

Jokes aside, this game is so much fun. Tanking is my favorite, and I can't wait to unlock Gunbreaker! Slicks is going to look so damn cool with a gunblade. She deserves it after having to abandon her girls back home!

Oh yeah, I wrote her backstory, it's on a blog on the Lodestone.

It was fun to write, and I hope to keep writing more about her as inspiration strikes!

Anyway, I'm honestly just writing to write at this point, no direction in mind. Sometimes it's nice to let your mind wander and just say whatever comes to it.