#literally one of the worst feelings in the world

[weirdero]

I’ve seen a lot of people speculating that Gemma’s storyline will lead to a cloning reveal, which like, it’s a decent theory and wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. But god, this show is so specific and detail oriented Ben Stiller himself has even said nothing in the show is a coincidence. The cloning theory has also been shut down a couple times by some producers and writes from what I understand and idk I feel like a cloning reveal would just be so boring. And honestly, I don’t know if this is insane, but I’m fully leaning towards the idea that when it comes to Ms. Casey/Gemma, it’s more of a resurrection situation.

Okay so hear me out I believe our Ms. Casey is still physically Gemma her original body, her bones, her blood she’s alive baby that’s her but like also it’s not her. It’s like in horror or fantasy stories when a character dies and comes back but comes back wrong YK?. Physically it’s still them but it’s not them. In my opinion, her brain has been completely reset, wiping away whatever kind of person she used to be.

To back this theory I’ve been heavily leaning on the interaction between Ms. Cobel and Helena in the parking lot and just the general existence of the Mammalian Nurturable department.

Now, I might be reading into this too much, but I just love these characters so much and this show so please bear with me, this is a long one.

this season Harmony/Ms. Cobel is a problem. Like there is just no way she isn’t. Lumon is already struggling to keep it together after the scandal the main four caused, and a change in management isn’t helping. People are (probably) starting to pay attention, and they do not need that kind of heat. Ms. Cobel literally crashing tf out making herself homeless and sneaking around in the dark probably isn’t helping.

Helena’s choice of words have always stood out to me. She’s calculated, smart, and precise in how she speak just like Harmony. Both of them are masters at saying exactly what they need to without ever outright saying it yk? So when she she spots Cobel in the parking lot in the middle of the night she clocks her immediately.

Harmony walks out as if she still has a job in that bitch and has the audacity to tell Helena what her needs are and exactly how they should be met. And in my opinion, Helena is appalled but not surprised. She calls her out on her behavior.

“I hear ego, hubris, and arrogance. Kier teaches us they only cause pain.”

To me, this isn’t just a read it’s a warning. Harmony doesn’t take it. She bites back, calling Helena a NEPOTISM BABY. wild.

And I mean look at Helena’s face.

So Helena lays it out for her as plainly as possible

“We didn’t have to ask you back.”

No translation even needed, she just said it flat out Baby, we don’t need you here. You do not, no matter what you think, represent us. You are not Lumon.

And Harmony, being just as cunty clocks her shit right back

“You didn’t have a choice.”

At this point, Ms. Cobel isn’t just skating on thin ice she’s walking across a frozen lake in metal combat boots, her ass skipping around as if the ice won’t break. And that’s her mistake.

Helena, after giving Harmony multiple chances to walk away. Multiple chances to come back in on lumons terms. Multiple chances to stop playing in her fucking face, finally pulls back with a kind smile and offers her a chance to “restart”.

As they walk towards the car, Ms. Cobel locks eyes with Helena’s bodyguard and the instant terror is actually insane. Full deer in headlights.

A lot of people saw that shot and took it as a straight-up Sopranos esque death threat like, if she gets in that car, she’s not gonna survive the drive (RIP Audriana). And sure, it could be as simple as that, but this show is just way too good for it to be that simple.

I think Cobel recognizes the bodyguard. She knows him and I mean like fr knows him.

I saw a theory on Reddit suggesting that the bodyguard might be someone she knew maybe a former coworker, someone from her personal life (they suggested it could’ve been someone she was super close with before she even became the woman we know today) idk just somebody she knows knows and out of nowhere suddenly, he’s here, presented as Helena’s bodyguard. But it’s not him. It’s his skin, his bones, his blood but it’s not HIM.

And the way it plays out, it doesn’t seem like the bodyguard recognizes her at least not in the same way she knows him. That stare man that stare. I didn’t even know Harmony could experience fear. Who knows, maybe in that moment she’s reflecting on everything that’s happened. She bitched out the boss’s daughter in this empty ass parking lot on the brink of a mental break down, and suddenly there’s a chance to start over. All she has to do is get in that car, with that man, talk to the higher-ups, and hit the “reset” button.

Basically my theory is that Lumon are essentially grave robbing the fuck out of that town. Taking people who have been in serious accidents car crashes, house fires, construction site falls, factory explosion, hell even a drive by. I also think they’re also taking drug addicts, the homeless people who have no loved ones looking out for them, or even looking for them at all, the ones who are confirmed to be gone in every way, physically or emotionally. They’re taking these people and giving them a full system reset rebooting the computer.

By doing this, Lumon gets to create a free labor force that works 24/7 without question or resistance, exploiting people who have no emotional ties or support systems. Blank slate baby! They’re also using these individuals as test subjects for whatever weird shit they wanna launch out as a new product.

This helps explain a lot of the weird shit going on with the employees at Mammalian Nurturable. They look so rough and are also really off-putting towards outsiders. Which is understandable but I genuinely believe they haven’t even “clocked out” in days, if not ever.

Even though this theory makes the most sense to me, It still has its plot holes like if Gemma isn’t a clone and it’s her “resurrected” where does she go when she’s not her innie. In Season 1, she tells Mark she’s only conscious as her innie for a couple of minutes at a time, and the longest she’s ever stayed “alive” was the 8 hours she spent with his department. So where tf is she if not there as Ms Casey i don’t know man I do not know.

Anyways I have some other general curiosities about the town itself and why Lumon decided to build their main building there. I saw a TikTok video of someone saying it reminded them of company-built towns like Hershey Pennsylvania or Kodak Town, and I agree. Anywho I love this show so much it hurts I hope it never dies I literally missed having an obsession this intense I hope it gets all the love and awards it deserves!!

[edward-munson]

I don't care | S.H.

Summary: Taking care of Steve after he was attacked by an army of demobats seems like a lot of work, only because apparently he doesn't like you.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x f!reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of injury, allusion to smut

Word count: 2.2k

☆°•○♡

"You want them spicy or not?" You ask Steve as you make nachos for dinner for both of you.

He's lying on the couch, on his back. He still recovers from the attack of the demobats. His neck is almost fully scarred, but the bites on his stomach and his sides are still painful. You've been laying low together for close to two weeks.

Your friends didn't want to make you team up with them to find Vecna and kill him. Not that you're not brave or strong enough to do so. But you're still pretty new to all of this and someone had to stay with Steve. So you didn't even bother opposing the idea, even though he's not your biggest fan.

God knows why, he never told his reasons. And your friends didn't know either. Maybe Eddie did, but he wouldn't open his mouth about it.

"I still think this is really unnecessary. I'm not a fucking child" He complains as he walks past the kitchen door, leaning against the sink.

With crossed arms, he looks at your food. You made chilli beans, guacamole and cheese sauce for the spicy nachos. You look up at him, trailing your eyes on his neck for an instant before raising an eyebrow to him.

"You can't even hold your own weight, Harrington. Stop being a crybaby".

Steve scoffs at you, but doesn't move an inch from his position. "Jesus, I wish we had another plan".

You drop the spoon you were using, turning your face to look at him. "I'm only doing this because they asked me to. Get off your own ass".

You leave the kitchen, walking out to the bedroom you were sleeping on. You were staying at his house. It's not like there were other options, but you couldn't refuse to stay there when he's alone and barely walking. Well, he can walk. The worst part is that he needs rest because of his wounds.

The past two weeks you've been quite getting along. Not that much, really. It's not like you were friends. Probably more like close acquaintances. Because obviously, he was the one pushing you away.

You didn't leave your room for a while, you were too annoyed to eat, and since it was dinner for the two of you, it didn't feel like you should eat anymore. You decided to spend your time watching something on the TV, which would easily make you get bored.

And then you would read books, or write stuff. It's been pretty tough lately since Vecna appeared. Max almost got killed and now she was staying at Dustin's house. The other kids were coming back to Hawkins to help, maybe Eleven might be able to do something about that.

You actually wished you were doing something fun. Like, taking a trip to the beach or snowboarding since it's fall and the weather has been cold. Your thoughts were pushed back by a knock on the door. Steve didn't open it and you didn't mention doing it either, so he just stayed there.

"Sorry I was an idiot" His voice came out muffled through the closed door. "I know I've been cranky and annoying".

You only opened the door after a couple of minutes, not exactly sure if he was still there. But he looked up from the floor at you. "You used to be nice. I mean, way before this curse happened".

He stayed quiet, because you were right. But what else can he do if the world was turned upside down (almost literally) again? And you almost got them killed once, not on purpose of course.

You were also the one to get too close to Robin and he hated seeing his best friend sharing her friendship with someone else. Because up until then, he was the only one she was the closest he had to a friend, even though he had a strong relationship with Eddie too.

None of it was your fault, but he grew annoyed over you. He couldn't lie to himself and say you weren't too kind and helpful. But he started to become extremely unenthusiastic over you through the year.

"A lot has happened since then. I'm trying to live up to the fact that we're against another monster again" Steve leans an arm against the doorframe, but refuses to keep his gaze at you.

"Which isn't my fault, by the way. Not to mention I'm the one who pulled you out of the watergate before you were eaten".

Another few seconds of silence, which was followed by a sarcastic nasal laugh. He shook his head and hung it low to the floor.

"Oh, you want a prize for that? Because I remember clearly when I didn't ask for your help!" His words were harsh, even if not intended.

But now you were the one who didn't know what to say. Until you feel the bitter taste on your tongue.

"Guess I should've let them rip your skin apart, then".

He saw the door shutting in front of him, cursing himself for being extremely idiotic and insensitive. He almost felt like punching his own face for that.

Steve heard you talking to Eddie that night through your walkie talkie. It was a little bit hard to hear because the reception was static for you. But you could listen to Eddie and God, you missed him and the others. It started to become unbearable to live with Steve. He heard you lament the whole situation, complaining about the way you were treating each other.

He was bitter about the things they were going through. He was angry he couldn't have done more. And he was taking it out all on you. He couldn't face another apology on the same day, because he knew he didn't deserve to be forgiven. Not right now.

The next day, he made breakfast by himself. It took you by surprise, but by the time you were up, he had already eaten. And you wouldn't want to eat with him either. You remember Nancy saying the bickering was just "sexual tension" but you knew it didn't have anything to do with that.

Even though you felt your ears burning from the thought, you couldn't deny to yourself that he was pretty charming. And seeing him shirtless whenever he would change the gauze made you feel weird. God, his hair was always pretty while yours looked like a bird nest after waking up.

The day seemed to have lasted longer since you haven't exchanged a single word to each other. He was focused on watching movies, playing video games and listening to music. He was getting bored out of his mind, but there wasn't much he could do being injured.

You, on the other hand, went out to do some errands. In fact, you didn't care you left him alone. You were getting tired of staying inside. So you went to see Max, and invited her to eat at Burger King. She seemed to feel better to do something like that too. Everything seemed pretty fuzzy lately.

Will, Mike and Eleven were pretty close to Hawkins. Thanks to Argyle who thinks he's a speed racer, and Jonathan who encourages him to drive long hours so they can arrive as soon as possible.

It was almost 7 PM when you came back home. You've finally had some fun after a week. You obviously couldn't be going out since they still haven't found Vecna and he knows about you too. The man in front of you seemed pretty pissed that he didn't see you were out until he woke up two hours ago.

"What? Don't give me that father look" You dropped your backpack on the floor and followed upstairs.

He's got a whole show prepared and he wasn't feeling like he would regret it this time.

"You know you can't just fucking go out and yet, you still do" He walked behind you, like a mother scolding a child.

"Yeah, dad. I know so. But here I am, back in pieces" You turned on your heel to look at him before closing your door.

Much to your dismay, he was faster this time, holding it with his right foot and right hand. Even injured, he was still stronger than you.

"No, don't push it. You can be an easy target for him, you know that?"

You huff, dropping your arm to your side. "Look, Harrington. I'm an adult, and I'm very aware of what I do or don't do. So please, just stop making a scene and leave me the fuck alone".

Steve couldn't even stand arguing with you anymore, it was so tiring. But he knew he would blame himself if something ever happened to you out there. He couldn't let this happen to you, even though you've been annoying him for whatever reason.

He took a step towards you, his hands balling into fists. The way your eyes were boring into him in an unamused face irritated him even more.

"Look, honey" His tone was purely sarcastic and you felt it not only in his voice, but in his demeanor too. "You know you're putting yourself at risk doing that. If I'm not fucking sure you're safe as well, I won't live with that".

At each passing second, you could feel him walking to you, but you couldn't walk back. You couldn't run from him, you couldn't get away from him. You wouldn't, you didn't feel like you wanted to.

"And not just because of my friends, they sure would kill me. But because I couldn't lose another person" You feel his breathing hitting your face, his eyes flicking as he looks at you.

He looks down at you with such intensity, it's crazy how there's a magnetic pull towards him.

You hold his gaze, feeling a cold shiver down your spine. He didn't look like he was about to snap at you, even though his tone was a bit loud.

He furrows his brows when he sees your lip curling into a smirk. "Well, Steve" His fingers move by the sound of his name, you always call him Harrington. "I thought you didn't care if I died or not".

This time, he was the one to smirk at you. "Honey, I don't remember saying I never cared about you".

Your stomach sank at that. Because now as you think of it, it comes crashing down as a realization that he never really said anything related to that. He truly never spoke about it.

"Doesn't seem like it"

"You see, this is why you annoy me so much" His nose bumps into yours, but he still gazes at you like he doesn't mean to avoid eye contact.

"Yeah? Then you should–" He doesn't let you finish your sentence.

Steve crashes his lips against yours, his hands flying down your hips. He feels your immediate reaction as you don't correspond right away. For a few seconds, he thinks he's done the wrong thing and almost regrets it, until you grab him by the neck with both hands. You wrap your fingers around his neck, your fingertips grazing the nape of his hair.

Your lips are smacking his lips in a hurry, while he runs a hand to cradle your face. He slips his tongue into your mouth and holds his breath when he feels your tongue moving in sync with him. He doesn't want to admit this is what he wished he could've done before.

Steve has been so stressed lately that he could only think about defeating Vecna. He didn't realize how much you were willing to take care of him these weeks. All he knew was that he also had to take care of you. And this is why he became so angry when you left without him knowing.

Especially because if something did happen to you, he would feel the regret of being an asshole to you.

He rips a low whimper from you when he gently grasps your lower lip by his teeth as he heaves against your mouth. You're both too absorbed into your own feelings, leaving grunts and gripping each other everywhere.

His fingers were digging your skin every time you would kiss his jawline and he was growing eager. He didn't want to look like he was trying to take advantage of you, only noticing now how much you also wanted this.

He then roughly pulls your shirt off, watching as your chest is quickly rising and falling. And his eyes sparkled when he saw your cleavage for the first time like that. Your bra perfectly hugging your round big breasts.

Steve didn't wait any longer, holding your waist and pushing you back against your bed.

That night, he pounded on you just like you dreamed about. He slapped his hips against your ass just like you wished someone would one day. The air was filled with sounds and lust.

You didn't even notice when your friends arrived right after he had an orgasm. You didn't have time to get dressed, only getting caught when Robin opened the door to you both naked. He didn't have time to remove his condom. She saw you naked. And worse. She saw her best friend naked.

And you thought it was going to be awkward, until Eddie turned the awkwardness into "I knew these idiots would fuck".

The night was all about this. They decided to leave the Vecna subject for the next day.

[glamourscat]

SUMMER MADNESS | SUGURU GETO X READER

obligatory post for my wifey’s bday | what if geto never went down the path he did? | what if you, his friend, had an embarrassing crush on him and during a hot summer day of your guys 3rd year you confess by accident?

The heat is unbearable.

Suguru is sprawled out beside you, his hair a tangled mess against your pillow, an arm flung dramatically over his face like he’s shielding himself from death itself. A few feet away, a tiny desk fan works over time, doing absolutely nothing to combat the exhausting Japanese summer heat.

“We should be outside,” Suguru says, voice muffled by his arm. “Get ice cream, jump into a lake, something.”

You groan. “That sounds like effort.”

He laughs, a low, easy sound that makes your stomach do flips. You dare take a peek, let your eyes linger on his figure a bit longer than you should. His skin glistens with sweat, his tank top clings to his chest and you hate how much you notice. How much you want him.

Maybe it’s the heat. Maybe it’s the fact that graduation is looming closer with each day and after this summer nothing will be the same. Maybe you’re just tired of keeping it inside. So you blurt it out.

“I like you.”

Suguru doesn’t react at first. He’s still dramatically posed, still half-dead from the heat and you think, for one terrifying second, that he didn’t hear you.

So you ramble.

“I mean—obviously, I like you, we’re friends, but I mean I like like you. Like, the kind that makes it hard to look at you sometimes because you’re stupidly handsome, and I hate that, by the way. The kind that makes me overthink everything and—oh my god, why am I doing this now? We’re literally dying of heatstroke—”

A hand slides over your mouth.

Suguru is looking at you now, eyes half-lidded, amused. “You’re ridiculous,” he murmurs, but his voice is softer than usual.

You huff against his palm, feeling your entire soul leave your body.

Then, without warning, he leans in and kisses you.

It’s lazy, a bit slow and gentle but with a hidden hunger behind it. Months, if not years, of pent up emotions. His lips are soft, so damned soft and he tastes like the lemon popsicle you split earlier. When he pulls back, he grins, thumb brushing your cheek.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

You look at him flabbergasted. “Did you know?”

“Of course not.” He flicks your forehead. “But I would’ve liked to.”

You bury your face in your pillow with a groan. “This is the worst confession ever.”

Suguru just laughs, warm and fond. “I dunno. It’s pretty unforgettable.”

The fan creaks, the cicadas scream outside, and Suguru reaches for your hand, lacing his fingers with yours like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

And maybe it is.

[rekino2114]

Valentines prompt 5. a heartfelt love letter 🩷

This, of course, is going to a request for our best Spooky girl. In danganronpa despair time~ Veronika grebenshchikova, I feel she'd be the most interesting for this given her personality and interests. It'd probably be the most unique love letter in existence.

Veronika writing you a love letter

Valentine's prompts #5

Prompt list

Pairing:Veronika grebenshchikova x gn reader

A/n:I actually thought about making an actual letter on canva for this but it was to short and I was too lazy

Tw:a bit of talk about self-harm

Dear y/n

First of all, I am so sorry for leaving this in your dorm without permission, I know you said you don't mind, but I'm still sorry, I promise i didn't touch anything but I did leave another thing with this letter I'll give you some clues it's cute fluffy and may or may not be possessed by the spirit of a dead child....I know it's not that in theme for valentine's day but it was so adorable I couldn't not get it.

And before you freak out, this letter is written in red ink, not blood, turns out you can't write a full letter in blood, it's way too liquid, and also you'd need a ton of it.........so if you see me with a bandage around my finger You know why.

I know I'm sorry, but I thought it would have been so romantic to write my love for you in my own blood. It would have been like a sign that our love will be eternal, not that it already isn't. I would gladly rip my heart out and give it to you just to show you that it beats only for you if I could survive without it, like a zombie or like corpse bride I love that movie...........I just got the best idea for a couple cosplay.

Looks like I'm rambling even in a letter, sorry, but you do always say you love when I ramble about stuff I like, even with how gorey and creepy it may be, you still listen with so much interest, that's one of the many things I love about you.

And that's why I'm writing this in the first place, to tell you all the things I love about you, well not really I would need way more than a piece of paper to list all of them, your smile, your hair, your face, your screams, your laughter, your voice,your blood, your eyes, your inside (granted I've never seen them but I bet they look just as amazing as the rest of you)

The point is I love literally everything about you and just wanted to put it to paper on valentine's day, I assume you're already my valentine probably, is that how it works? Does it come in the package once you start dating? We become each other's valentines for all the following valentine's days? Anyway, still I love you and just wanted you to know that you're the love of my life and I wouldn't change that for the world.

The last thing I want to say is....thank you, just thank you for being in my life, I know we already talked about this and you don't like me to bring this up since it's in the past but I've stopped with the cuts ever since I met you and I think that just shows how great you are, you've helped me past the worst stage of my life and I genuinely could never thank you enough for that, every time I look at the scars I just smile and thank you, because you did that, you helped me move past that and you deserve the world for it, but my love will have to do.

Wow, it's been a while since I got this emotional over anything, but I guess that's kind of the point of valentine's day, to show the person you love just how much you love them, and i hope you felt that in this letter.

So let me say this one last time here, thank you darling, I love you with all of my heart ❤️

Veronika grebenshchikova

P.s:don't think you're getting out of horror movie night just because it's a holiday. You'd be surprised at how many horror movies there are about valentine's day or love in general, I'll wait for you in my dorm in a couple hours darling~

[k3nz1ekorn]

Real or Not Real

pairing: Jayvik (I literally haven't written anyone else)

Summary: In the infinite expanse of forever they need to hold it together. They only have each other now to keep themselves grounded to their new reality.

Author's note: Based on the one scene "real or not real" from the Hunger Games and the song "As the World Caves in" by Matt Maltese. Scene idea was from a tweet by @/yearnerjayce on twitter and the song was chosen for a prompt in my discord server's February writing challenge, 'songs that remind you of them' so I hope yall like it as much as I liked writing it! (Ao3 handle on profile)

Viktor had initially expected more pain. He and Jayce had destroyed themselves, at least he thought they had, and usually with destruction comes pain; some kind of sting or shock, an ache even. He almost wished it had been pain, truth be told. Wished it had been something other than whatever this was. Pain was familiar, expected, something sharp and authentic to him. It was something he could count on, something reliable even. Pain was like an old friend, it was to him as rain was to the sky, as grass was to fields, as the dirt under your fingernails, it was something he had just barely learned to live without. Familiarity came without hesitance, without uncertainty; undoubtedly, he thought, he much would have preferred the pain.

It wasn’t nothingness, not quite, but surrounding him was an infinite expanse of what he could only assume was the arcane. An ocean of stars and cosmos he’d never seen in life, be it in textbooks or with his own eyes; all beautiful and glittering, surrounding him like a blanket. It was surprisingly warm too, comforting even. All of this could of course only meant he was in a plane of reality he was not accustomed to. This was not earth, not their own galaxy, it wasn’t his familiar arcane realm of actuality as he’d had before. 

Before.

This place was nothing like before he’d died that first time, before he’d been fused with his own creation, before he’d been manipulated by it and let it control him. To let it contort his ideals and morals, the very foundation of his being. He had thought at the time he was merely helping, how could he not? 

That was all still before though. Before he’d been reborn, recrafted into something so unmistakable non-human he had been unsure if he had crossed the line of no return. Before he was manipulated into committing horrible, unthinkable atrocities, before he’d killed and slaughtered, led innocents to their death, let himself be taken advantage of and used to hurt everyone that he held dear to him. To hurt Jayce.

Jayce

Oh Jayce.

He was the constant Viktor had needed when they’d been spat out. His familiarity, his token of something reliable and sturdy, something from then.

Jayce had been there to calm him down when they’d been spat out here, when they’d realized they were still conscious, and more importantly; together. Jayce had talked him through the tears and calmed his racing thoughts to something a bit more bearable, something manageable. They weren’t gone though, far from it, however Jayce had always had a knack for knowing what to say to people. He knew exactly what to say to Viktor to placate him, keep him grounded; though he’s not sure that’s the right term to use for this scenario, what with the whole lack of ground part. 

He did feel grounded though, wrapped in Jayce’s tight embrace. It was just as much for Jayce as it was for him, the former had always been a touchy man. He was clingy at the best of times and downright desperate for human contact at the worst of them, and with the events that had taken place, quite recently he might remind himself, he was sure the other could use as much physical reassurance as he could possibly get. Since the only other person around seemed to be Viktor he supposed he’d have to make due, have to make himself enough. 

For Viktor the embrace was more to make sure neither of them floated away from the other. Logically he knew how to go about moving through the expanse around him, it was definitely similar to the one he’d grown accustomed to before with a few minor differences. It felt thicker, like he didn’t have as much control of his surroundings, and of course without the abundance of human conscious’ connected to it. He would not be over that one for a long while. Probably never in fact, he really couldn’t see himself getting over the literal mind control he’d subjected so many to, all in the name of ‘glorious evolution.’

He shuddered at the thought and felt the other man pull back a bit. He could feel his eyes on him, but he refused to turn his head up. He couldn’t face him yet.

“Viktor…” Jayce broke their silence and Viktor's eyes squeezed shut, “can we talk? It doesn’t have to be about…that…about all of this, but I…” Jayce let out a sigh and Viktor felt the hot air on his shoulder. 

Their bodies were still warm? Interesting. Obviously they were not alive, did not need to breathe, and yet their bodies were producing hot air. He’d have to study that further-

He was pulled from his thoughts as the other man spoke again, “I need to hear your voice. I just need to know you’re really here.” This was something Viktor understood. He’d felt it since coming to his senses, the need to make sure this wasn’t just his own imagination, that he and Jayce were both in fact there and still together. Despite this he was still cautious, and he had to choose his next words carefully. It was barely above a whisper when he finally replied.

“I wish I could ease your mind Jayce, however I do not know if I am really here. If I am me. If I even know myself enough to be able to tell for sure.” He didn’t want to be alarming, but it was the truth. A part of him had absolutely let himself do all those horrible things. He had to be responsible for what he did, because what was the alternative here? That he had no control? That he was merely a spectator in his own body and his decisions were not his own? The thought of this was somehow just barely worse than being complicit.

“I could tell you…I know who you are.” The words sounded so broken, breathless and desperate in a way Viktor could vividly remember from his speech right before all of this. They were also full of the same conviction, like they were an absolute fact and Jayce was begging him to understand.

There it was again, the unfamiliarity. The horrors of the unknown, of the unpredictable. Something that made him desperately wish for the pain again.

“And who am I Jayce? How do I know which parts of me are real and which are made up?” He could feel the way his hands balled up into fists on Jayce’s arms.

“Ask me.” 

Viktor sucked in a breath and let it out in a bark of bitter laughter, letting the words hang in the air. That was definitely Jayce, whether Viktor was really himself or not, this was Jayce. And he trusted Jayce.

“You hate the cold…real or not real?” His voice came out weak, almost a croak.

“Yeah. It’s real, V. You do too. You say it makes all your pain flare up, makes all your aches a whole lot worse. My mom made you special mittens to hold your cane though..to help.”

Viktor remembered the knitted red mittens Ximena had given him in the second year of their partnership. They were too big, cozy nonetheless, and he never went outside without them once the snow started to fall. He hummed at that before responding with a quick, “Thank you.” The silence overtook them again, just for a moment though before Jayce continued on.

“You’re a scientist.” A pause, “You’re an inventor, one of the best in fact. You like to sleep on the couch in the lab, even though you think I don’t know.”

If his heart could beat he’s sure it would have sped up at that.

“You take your coffee with the grounds still in it, your sweetmilk so hot it should really burn your tongue off. It somehow never does. You feed the group of strays by the greenhouse near the academy. You never accept physical contact when you’re upset.”

Viktor’s eyes shut and he let his hands unfurl over the other’s arms as he spoke.

“Jayce…” he said softly into his shoulder.

“You hate parties and public speaking. Not because you’re unable to do it or bad at it, but because you hate having to dumb everything down, make it palatable or sellable.” 

“Jayce.” This one was a bit firmer, a warning. It did nothing to deter Jayce however, his words coming out just as firm as before, and a bit faster.

“You’re stubborn, once you set your mind to something nobody can stop you or change your mind. You hate being wrong, hate failing. When a rune or equation fails you stay hunched over your notebook  until you can figure it out. It never takes you long though, because you’re brilliant.”

“Jayce-” Now he was frantic, it all felt like way too much all at once. None of it was surprising, but it was far too intimate. Too real.

“You overwork yourself, probably more than I knew. You don’t eat or take bathroom breaks when I’m not around sometimes, and when I am I have to remind you. You love being in water, say it helps take the pressure off your joints. You store half of your medication at the lab, in that locked drawer in the bathroom. I have a copy of the key on my keyring.” Jayce seemed to be pouring his heart and soul into his words. “You hate feeling weak.”

“Jayce please-” He pushed back to put space between them, to distance himself. He should have known Jayce wasn’t about to let him. The hands that had previously just been resting on his lower back now had a sturdy grip on him, one hand remained on his back and the other came up to his shoulder, to keep him from pulling back as Jayce knew he would try to do.

“You hate how your legs lock up when you sit for too long, you hate asking for help. You think you can fix all the world’s problems, I thought I could too,” Their eyes had locked at some point but Viktor couldn’t remember how long ago, “ but I meant what I said Viktor. All I want is my partner back.”

Jayce’s hand had come up to cup Viktor’s cheek, firm as if he thought he’d try to run away. He might have if the hand hadn’t been there.

“Jayce…I…” 

There was silence. The two stared at each other as Viktor’s lip trembled, as he brought his own hand up to wrap around Jayce’s wrist. They held each other’s gazes, something silent being communicated in their eyes. Something new and unexplored. It wasn’t scary this time.

“You love me. Real or not real Vik.”

Jayce was leaning in, slow enough to give Viktor time to reject him, to turn away and show he didn’t return or accept his feelings. He wouldn’t think of it, not again. Not ever again.

“Real. So very, very real.”

They were barely a whisper away so close their lips brushed when Viktor spoke. Jayce closed the gap and it was like the stars had exploded behind his eyes. The force had propelled them backwards a bit, toppling through the vast expanse, still clinging to one another as if they would disappear if they were to part. Viktor’s hand had made its way up into Jayce’s hair to pull the other impossibly closer to him. Their bodies pressed together and limbs tangled until there was no indication of where one started or stopped, until they were one being in this void they’d been dropped in, just two lovers in their own personal galaxy.

They poured their emotions into the kiss, every longing look, all the words left unsaid, every what if was there, building it, filling them with a fire and begging them to not let each other go. There was no need to part, to breathe, no need for air now in these forms; the reality of this just spurred them on, lips melding together perfectly as if they were always meant to be together, to be like this. 

Jayce pulled back and Viktor tried to follow, tried to keep their lips from parting, but the hand on his face held him back and kept him in place. There was barely enough room to see each other as Jayce spoke again.

“I love you too. I love you Viktor, everything about you. So so much-”

“I think I got that Jayce. I’m brilliant after all, you said so yourself.” He was teasing now, just a bit. How could he not? Jayce had always been fun to tease, and now he had the rest of this limitless existence to do so. To be with the man he loved.

A/N: written after an 8 hour shift, half an edible, in tears

[pearlsdefenseattorny]

i feel like some su fans don't realize Pearl isn't keeping a promise when she covers her mouth, she literally cannot speak of it because Rose made it a command, not a suggestion/request.

picture from end of an era

we know from an interview (cant find it) that Pearl's compulsion to obey the command is unique to Pearl - that no, Garnet wasn't forced by Rose to never ask questions. Pearl is uniquely programmed to obey a direct command like that because she was designed for Pink. this is a horrifying little bit of worldbuilding lol, thanks crewniverse - but it definitely makes Rose's act go from manipulative to outright egregious

what Rose does here to Pearl (by gagging her), is what the diamonds do to all gems. it's a highly institutionalized violation of agency that robs every gem, especially those of lower caste, of freedom, individuality, and autonomy. quantifiably, the gag order doesn't rob Pearl of much (there's only one thing she can't do after all), but for Rose to silence Pearl at all, to take away her voice, has enormous implications thematically and for Rose's character. Rose knows Pearl isn't able to resist the command, she gives it with the intention of taking advantage of her innate programming (designed by, and representative of, a system they both hate!) to forcibly prevent disobedience. this is WHILE she's trying to establish equality between them! if i were Pearl, i know id struggle with understanding where i stand. the signals are mixed as hell.

and we know Pearl wasn't sure she was equal, even after Rose's death. one example being - "who am i now in this world without her? petty and dull with the nerve to doubt her." i think occasionally members of the fandom fail to recognize or overlook that especially in her worst moments, Pearl STILL felt less than Rose, not only hierarchically but just fundamentally worth *less.* it's a struggle she eventually overcomes, yet during the run of the show, she's still fighting that battle. we also know from ep 2 of future (wherein steven tries to give all the gems non-homeworld-purpose related tasks), we know gems tend toward their original designed purpose.

but this isn't a Rose hate post and i wouldn't be caught dead writing one.

so what was happening when she gave the gag order? we know from the episode "bismuth," rose told bismuth she could be anything she wanted to be, that gems could choose for themselves. rose fought a whole war to free any gem who wanted to be free and to protect humanity. she told garnet (practically) to make her own identity and create her own purpose. how is this the same person who abused her power over pearl to make her keep a secret?

in end of an era, rebecca says: "[rose] makes sense once you know she is her own worst enemy. she dreams, achingly, that she could become compassionate, because she's sure she is incapable of compassion. her lack of respect for herself makes it impossible for her to respect everyone closest to her."

and that therein is the tragic heart of the problem. Rose hates herself. she wants to change, she wants to be good, but even when she IS good - she can't see it for what it is, past her own shame and self-disgust. it makes it "impossible to respect everyone closest to her" - including, and most damagingly (becuz of her purpose on homeworld and accompanying trauma), to Pearl. Blue and Yellow planted the seeds of self-hate, and developing her own value system on earth and learning to despise the diamonds' for the system they upheld reinforced that she, by just being a diamond at all, MUST be bad. she longed to be good but could conceive of no pathway to do so, except hiding her "villainy" permanently behind a "hero" mask and running away.

Rose couldn't even tolerate the slightest chance Pearl might say something, that's how deep the fear and shame ran, that she felt the need to do an absolutely horrible thing to a gem she very dearly loved in order to make sure her worst fear could never come true. people who need control need it to feel safe. it's kinda like that. the irony is that in trying desperately to hide that she's a diamond, she makes the fatal mistake of doing what a diamond does - controlling those beneath them in the hierarchy and reducing them down to their designed purpose. she tried hard not to be pearl's owner and not to treat pearl like her slave, but in this moment of finally escaping those roles, she embodies them briefly - with lasting consequences. it's an ego-dystonic betrayal of her own values impelled by self-hate and fear. it's heartbreaking for both of them.

Pearlrose's issues were varied but miscommunication was a big one. now they can't ever talk about it. what a difference it would have made if Rose hadn't done what she did. i wonder how often she wished she didn't (thought to herself, "pearl doesn't deserve that, how could i do that?"), then felt that fear creep back up, and maybe even wondered whether pearl's love was even genuine, or if it was totally hollow. in greg the babysitter she says, "When a gem is made, it's for a reason, they burst out of the ground already knowing what they're supposed to be, and then.. that's what they are. Forever." She says it almost sadly. like she's not sure she's anything but what she's always been, maybe even unsure pearl's anything but what she's always been. how can you trust someone to keep the deepest, most shameful secret of your life, if you're not even sure this person loves you sincerely?

we know Rose is tragically wrong here. she could grow and change. the gems are entirely capable of growth. every central character grows over the show- including Rose, we just watch it backwards! but she can't see herself for who she is and it's what doomed her.

isn't that the essential symptom of shame? Rose's self-loathing hurt not only herself, but Pearl (and Bismuth, Sapphire and Ruby, etc.) and she spent thousands of years healing from it. by hiding and hurting ourselves, we hurt others inevitably.

[cinnamonsly]

i don’t think there is anything worse in this entire world than desperately clinging onto a hyperfixation you’ve had forever that you know is slowly fading away from you

[idontmindifuforgetme]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

[monicaeidolith]

it's been 8 years and she's still down bad for her neighbor (who wouldn't)

and so there she is: Step 3 Athena! 🌙✨

Step 1 & Step 2 here

(Infos about Athena in every steps except 4 below if you're interested)

(watch out it's long.)

Step 1 -

At 10, Athena is a very curious girl, somewhat nosey and a bit clumsy (main reason why she often has bandages). She likes puzzles, creepy stuff and drawing (but nothing that serious about that hobby yet). While she isn't very shy, she's still uneasy around people she doesn't know and moving to a new town isn't helping. She has trouble accepting changes, and this whole situation is a way too big change.

Athena is very close to her mom during step 1. Unfortunately for her, she doesn't really look like her that much and she's kind of bothered by that, especially because the person she obviously looks like, her "dad", isn't there. Not having a dad isn't really a huge problem for her, but Athena fears a little bit people's opinion on that subject: "Is it weird that I don't have a dad...?".

She's feeling sad and scared about moving out, as she has to get used to a completely different world (in her eyes). "At least I have my mom", she thinks. But if moving in Golden Grove was scary at first, meeting Qiu and Tamarack was a huge help for Athena to feel included.

She thinks Qiu, aka "Autumn", is funny but also a huge show-off, haha. She LOVES to tease Qiu. But Athena's also genuinely worried about Qiu sometimes, because that kid is a huge people-pleaser.

When it comes to Tamarack, man... Athena totally puts this girl on a pedestal. She thinks Tamarack is amazing and pretty. And should Tamarack say anything positive about Athena, you can be certain the latter will go crazy internally. At 10, Athena doesn't realize she actually has a huge crush on Tamarack yet, though.

Step 2 -

At 14, Athena became a sort of troublemaker, she barely cares about rules. She's not mean but she grew to be more blunt and direct than she was as a 10-year-old, this and her current appearance make her seem unapproachable. However she kept her soft side, a side that she ironically doesn't even keep that much hidden but that you still have to deserve. If at 10 she would often have bandages because of her clumsiness, at 14, it's mostly because she's reckless. Some things that remained are her love for puzzles, creepy stuff and drawing, in fact, she started to get interested in visual arts.

In fact, the tough side of her personality grew when her first group friends with Qiu and Tamarack slowly fell apart. She couldn't do anything to prevent that from happening, so she felt like she had to toughen up. But to be honest, she's becoming tired of being the sole link between them, she's barely trying to now. Maybe Qiu and Tamarack won't become friends again. She has to accept it... but maybe Athena still has troubles accepting changes, no matter how old she is, after all.

Despite all that, Athena still treats both of them nicely. She still teases Qiu whenever she can (watch out Athena, the teasing could backfire on you). Her worries about them are still present too, but for different reasons than in step 1. Even 4 years later, Athena still retrieve Qiu's lost papers because they would NOT do it themselves. No matter what, Autumn remains her dear friend and the feeling is mutual.

Tamarack, aka "Tam", is her best friend! ... and the girl she has a crush on, Athena realized it now. Athena doesn't know if Tam feels the same way or not, though. Athena still thinks Tamarack is the most amazing and most talented person out there, she wishes Tam could see it too. She's highly worried about Tamarack potentially leaving Golden Grove at any moment but she tries to hide it from Tamarack. "Tam probably has enough of people walking on eggshells with her", she thinks. Athena dislikes Tamarack's parents for not only never being there for their daughter but also for making her situation so uncertain, only for their own interests (in her eyes).

Another feeling started to grow: jealousy. Athena will feel jealous of anyone who seems a bit too close to Tamarack. Does she think she's no match for Tamarack? Yes. Does that stop her from being jealous? No. She knows she has no right to be, Tamarack is a wonderful girl, it's impossible not to like her, but she can't help it.

Athena grew to be even more bothered by her lack of resemblance with her mother. Some times before turning 14, she started to dye her hair cranberry, just like her mom's hair color (let's say Opal didn't really like to see that her daughter started dyeing her hair at her young age, reaction Athena didn't appreciate, all she wanted was to look like her mom, what's the problem?). Ironically, while Athena wishes so hard to look like her mom, her relationship with her became somewhat strained. As if resembling a completely unknown guy wasn't enough. Living his best life nowhere to be found, uh? Resentment is the word here. Never towards her mom, even if their relationship is not that good at this point, but towards this guy who gave her his physical traits she never wanted and started to despise.

At least she became used to live in Golden Grove.

Step 3 -

At 18, Athena is not the rough troublemaker that she was at 14 anymore. Now she's more like a silly prankster, seemingly always up to something more stupid than before, although she remains reckless and blunt (but less on purpose and more out of habit). Of course, her interest in visual arts remained intact. Her liking for creepy stuff turned into a huge love for horror and its aesthetic.

Her relationship with her mom is getting better than it was 4 years ago. Athena grew out of the resentment she had for her "dad" during step 2 and learned to accept she may not look that much like her mom, but that it doesn't cancel the fact she's Opal's daughter no matter how she looks. Plus "some bits of [Opal] did end up in [her]" after all, right?

Athena's relationship with Autumn is what you could describe as "siblings by hearts", Athena does consider them as the sibling she never had.

Athena and Tamarack are still officially "besties for life", but little do they know that they both ended up falling in love with each other, plain and simple.

Her jealousy and resentment did tone down, but when she thinks back to her 14-year-old self, she feels bad, so bad. For being jealous of Tamarack's friends, for being resentful of a random donor and basically making many things about herself. "Man, I was such a prick. And for what?".

If when she was 14, Athena felt like she was no match for Tamarack because she put Tam on a pedestal, at 18, she now thinks she's simply not good enough as a person for Tamarack. She kind of "accepted" that if Tamarack only wants to be friends, then it's fine, she cannot force Tam to love her back. It's silly to think someone like her could be extra-special in Tam's heart anyway (girl if you knew.), it's nice enough to be her best friend.

Between step 2 and 3, Athena managed to put a label on herself: she's lesbian.

[hylianane]

And when OPLA calls back to Zeff telling the crew to read stories to Zoro so he can hear their voices and recover faster, by having Sanji sit by his bedside on Thriller Bark and read him a book about the All Blue. What will you do then?

[almea]

[captainmaxatx]

I feel like we are all sleeping on the fan fiction potential given to us from Deadpool and Wolverine using their bodies to make a circuit with matter and anti-matter

Who knows what that could do to a person, you could write a fic where that caused anything your heart could think up.

[writer-room]

Hey. The Finders have no idea that Bonzle was captured. Fritz and Spitz are still waiting, playing video games in the Monastery, for Cole to bring their sister out of hiding now that the blood moon is over. Geo is still sitting by the window, watching and waiting for a dragon on the horizon to return his kid safe and sound. Cole took a very unsure Bonzle, assured them all everything would be okay, and they'd be back soon. He promised he'd find a way to protect her.

Don't think about how they'll smile when Cole finally trudges back, happy to know he's okay. Especially don't think about the Finders stopping, looking out over the group, and how Cole can't look them in the eyes when they turn to him and ask; where's Bonzle?

[luxurysystems]

“Like honey to a bee, you were made for me.”

[inseparabiles]

For the next like, two days, Boys and Wolves will be tagged with Geta & Cara instead of Geta/Cara.

I do not anticipate this state to last any longer than that, but presently the & team of demons in our head has scored a win.

I fucking hate tagging this fic I swear to god. No matter what we do with it it's going to give the wrong impression to someone. The A/N section to explain the relationship tag is several miles long and even that I don't think helps.

Like yes it's platonic. No they're not being platonic about it. Questions? Me too.

[pierregaslays]

:(