#literally never thought i could write this much… all my old stories i struggled to get past 5k…

[ao3fujoshevik]

next chapter of family affair will put me at 150k words published on this ao3 account….

[crescenthistory]

Ask: hi, could you write something about barty with the prompt c5. ("there will not be a day where i am not there for you") like he receives a letter from his dad and u can tell something is off ab him and comfort him ? thank youu

Words: 1.4k

Warnings/tags: gn!reader, implied mental health struggles on barty's front, barty isolating himself, hurt/comfort, romanian!barty, general fluff and unconditional love

Note: this request is super old, i'm terribly sorry lmao, but better late than never? barty deserves all the love<33

You had not seen Barty in 5 hours.

Considering that the boy usually seemed to be attached to you by some invisible 5 metres rope, you were growing increasingly concerned. Your poor cheeks were being gnawed off at record speed, and you knew he would chide you for “maiming his lover” later, but you had other priorities at the moment.

Between your last two lessons, he had slipped off down some hallway and never returned. You paid it little mind to begin with, Barty often ran off on spontaneous, perhaps reckless adventures. It was in the whole school’s best interest to just let him, saving all your questions for when he comes back, demanding stories of his grand escapades – because he always came back to your side quickly. 

When he didn’t show up for dinner, your worry thus began to settle despite your trying to fight it. Sometimes he did skip dinner for an array of different reasons, but he always notified you. Throughout the meal your thoughts wandered off, all yearning for him, but you knew how much he would scold you if he found out you skipped dinner for him.

You would hold it against him, if he was not the first person to admit he was being a hypocrite.

You clung onto hope that you would find him in his common room or his dorm afterwards. When you opened the door to his dorm only to be met with their shared snake, Nova, as the only living being in the room, you finally allowed yourself to give in and accept defeat.

Barty was missing and you were worried.

Behind you, the tell-tale sounds of Regulus’ dance-like steps alerted you to his incoming presence. “Reg,” you said, poking your head out to catch his attention. “Barty hasn’t told you where he’s off to?”

Regulus gave you a bit of an odd look as he passed you in the doorway. “Does he ever?”

You gave him a look that hopefully said yeah, that’s fair before you straightened up once more. “Will you tell me if you see him?”

“If I see him, he’ll be here.” Regulus was clearly not in one of his more chatty moods. This time you gave him a look you knew said play nice. He sighed. “I’ll let you know, yeah. I’ll ask Evan too, when he gets here.”

You gave him a rueful smile. “Thank you Reggie, this is why you’re my favourite.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled as he laid down on his bed to read. You had enough wits about you to close the door before you left, not wanting a stinging curse to be thrown after you down the hallway and doubly not wanting Barty to get revenge on Regulus for doing so. He always found out somehow.

This was not Barty’s first time disappearing, nor did you suspect it would be his last. You usually had a list of reasons why he might run off and places to look for him if he did.

Had he been in a particularly jittery or theatrical mood, you would have been worse off, as he quite literally could be anywhere where he might cause the most damage and drama. Usually you would begin in Gryffindor or the Care for Magical Creatures classroom, but thankfully you did not have to resort to those measures.

Because Barty had been in a very distinctive restrained mood that only you and a select few of his friends ever seemed to be able to decipher. When you first met him, you thought that mood meant he was annoyed somehow – now you knew that when Barty was truly irritated, he grinned like a maniac. 

This almost stoicness meant only one thing; Barty was feeling vulnerable. Maybe even defeated.

Which quickly limited his hiding spots to places where he could grasp at some privacy without feeling trapped. Considering that the last time he tried to hide away in the prefect’s bathroom, he got caught by none other than James Potter, the poor sod, you narrowed your best bet down to the Astronomy Tower.

Led by a gut instinct and a mouthful of compassion, you scurried up the hundreds of steps needed, hoping to find him and not accidentally stumble in on some awkward attempt at a date between some fourth years.

When you tried to turn the handle to the Astronomy Tower’s door only to find it to be magically locked, you knew you were right in your judgement.

“Barty? Are you in there, love, it’s me?” you called through the door, aiming at making your voice as steady as possible. He hated being treated like he was fragile, at least before he was curled up in your arms.

The faint buzzing sound in your ears alerted you to the fact that he had thrown a muffliato over the room, meaning you wouldn’t hear him if he replied. He could still hear you, though, so you tried your luck further.

“It’s alright, B. I’m here.” You hoped to Merlin he could hear the love and reassurance dripping from your words.

The whirring sound was interrupted by a faint click as the lock was opened. Taking extra precautions, you looked behind you to ensure you would be alone and slipped in through the door, locking it behind you once more without looking.

Fresh air filled your lungs the second you stepped into the tower – one of the reasons why it was such a great place to escape to when feeling anxious or down or both. Your heart was similarly filled when you saw Barty sitting in a large windowsill with his knees pulled up to his chest, staring out with an empty gaze.

“Hi there, lovely,” you said rather cheerily, making your relaxed state penetrate the atmosphere of doom that followed Barty on these days.

You walked over and went to lift yourself up into the windowsill, only for Barty to break free of his trance for a moment to take your hand and elbow and help you navigate carefully until you were seated across from him, legs entangling with his own. He let out a breath. “Hi, Dragă.”

You smiled carefully at him, settling into your place and letting the cold from the window seep in through your clothes without a bother. You leaned forward so your body was bent in half to rest your chin on his propped up knees, giving you a perfectly clear vision of his face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t want you to have to talk about it.”

Barty always did that when something was wrong – denying you of any responsibility or option to help, assuming it was below you to do so. After a few years attached at the hip, he had learned he could not make you “realise you should leave his arse”, but he would still aim to shield you from himself on these days.

Other days, he would do anything to make you not realise, desperate to claw you to himself. A boy that contained multitudes, each one equally lovable in your opinion, to which he called you horribly insane. 

“At least we’ve got that in common, babe.”

“I don’t have to do anything,” you reassured quietly, chin moving against his kneecaps. “I really do want to, though. Be there for you, I mean.”

His gaze met yours, softening at the authenticity and affection surely plastered all over your face. He brought a previously dead hand up from beside him to stroke his knuckles over your left cheek, moving them backwards into your hair. “You always are, aren’t you?”

You let your smile widen at him embracing your care. “There will not be a day where I am not here for you, B. Whether you want me to or not.”

His eyes flickered with a vulnerability only you ever saw. The next thing he said was so meek that you almost didn’t catch it, but flowers bloomed in your stomach when you did. “I want you to.”

You reached your own hand up to catch his in your hair and brought the inside of his wrist towards your mouth to press slow, gentle kisses to it. “I’m glad, lovely. Now spill.”

[aayakashii]

continuing the headcanon that @str8upjorkinit created with a few more houses, since some people asked for it (will post the other houses later I promise!)

Hotarubi and Mortkranken with a S/O that loves to carry them around (with pictures ?!)

Subaru

Turns into a tomato immediately

Apologizes for being carried as if you're not the one that decided to carry him in the first place!!!!

Tries SO hard to think of reasons why you should not be holding him like that, but his mind is just a blue screen at this point

Subaru tried the best he could not to entertain his little crush on you but you really went there and made it impossible 😔

He'll never say it (because he always thinks he's being inconvenient), but he loves when you carry him whenever he's anxious or overwhelmed

You're kinda like his personal weighted blanket and he loves it

Still apologizes constantly, even after you two have settled this into your routine... time to hold him even tighter to maybe squeeze the insecurities away!

Subaru when you first began holding him vs Subaru after getting KINDA used to you holding him

Haku

Oh he's sooooooo into this

It's a wonder you don't drop him at your feet when he starts flirting with you right away

AND your face is so close to his? He hit jackpot, baby!

Expect him laying his head on your shoulder and flirting shamelessly just to see you getting flustered

It's not like he's not affected though!

He has the wildest butterflies fluttering in his stomach when you hold him so tightly and so close, literally sweeping him off his feet

After a while, you get used to his teasing, so he just enjoys his time on your arms.

If he ends up taking his afternoon nap on your lap, you can't blame him 🫵‼️ you did put him in the moat comfortable place ever (your arms)

Haku while he's flirting with you vs Haku when he relaxes and naps in your arms

Zenji

HAS THE TIME OF HIS LIFE

In fact, speaking of Time of My Life, you know that old movie, Dirty Dancing? If you can lift Zenji, he Will be forcing you to do the whole choreography with him

and you WILL be taking Patrick Swayze's role because he wants to be the girl who's lifted

Obviously he's excited you can lift him since he's HUGE but in his mind he's just like....... of course you can lift him!!! It's YOU after all!!!

You literally can do anything in his mind. No wonder you're his second favorite person, only behind his little brother.

He feels like a little damsel in distress whenever you carry him in his arms and he loves it, even starts writing more stories with this theme since he's so inspired

Loves it so much that he kinda expects you to do it everyday

Sending thoughts and prayers for your back

Zenji when you showed him you could lift him vs you after the 1000th time he asked you to carry him

Yuri

CAPITAL H HORRIFIEDDDDDD

Yells "PUT ME DOWN, WORM" like a thousand times

The other students start asking for you to please just put him down so they can work in peace

Because he won't stop yelling and distracting everyone with how dramatic he is

You're having way too much fun though, seeing how he turns the deepest shade of red ever and stutters nonstop about you being insane

He will never not complain whenever you hold him in your arms, but, after a while, he kinda gets used to it

Says it's just a symptom of your derangement and that no medicine seems to fix it 😔 how tragic

To be honest, he kinda likes it a little bit... especially the way he can see your face and your smile from up close... but he'll never ever admit it to himself, much less to you

Yuri when you carried him for the first time vs Yuri after he resigned himself and accepted that you Will carry him no matter what

Jiro

10000% doesn't mind

He is, however, a bit surprised that you can actually lift him up (after a little bit of struggle since he's the biggest ghoul after all

He thinks it's a little bit funny how you made it a matter of honor to carry him without struggle (which you manage after a while)

Whenever you get spooked and he (sadistically) laughs at your reactions, he allows you to carry him as some sort of peace offering

Jiro used to resist being carried whenever he got sick. His habit of just enduring it by himself for as long as he could was a bit hard to break

Much to his surprise, however, being able to "relax" in your arms as you take him back to Mortkranken made his sudden bouts of sickness less harrowing

Still thinks it's a little bit amusing how silly you look so focused, carrying someone double your size. He can get used to it as well, though

Literally just Jiro. Jiro vibing as you carry him. He will always just be vibing.

[peydawgz]

So ummm....may i request a Hazard x Reader, and reader helps with fine tuning and maintenance on Haz's arm and legs and other cyborg bits (cybits? idk his none fleshy parts). It's soooo qjhfjsiajnsbjiaodhshaksk

[your works are *chefs kiss* and honestly, i shall binge on the feast]

Bruh I done spent a whole day writing this,, all for you my spicy little sun rays,, feast upon THIS!!!!

Hazard found himself flying through the battlefield, hydraulically jumping over enemies to capture his target. He used his large gun arm as a blunt object to bludgeon with, multiple dents as heads continuously crashed against it. The lasers he shot at them were off centered and wild, but he tried to play it off. He was primal, scratching and biting when his gun arm inevitably fell off. He could only shield his team with his vanadium spikes near the end of the battle. He was left more vulnerable than ever, but at least they won, right? The parts are replaceable after all.

The truth is, Fin was struggling out there. His heart couldn’t handle the amount of adrenaline he needed to keep on pushing. The same old parts just weren’t working, leading him to be uncomfortable with his body even more. His teammates help pick up his bits, and settled him into the van. He was trying to be still, but the waves of stress kept coming over him. With his one arm, his hand bloody and shaking he reaches into his leather coat pocket and pulls out a smoke. He rolls down the window,,, just staring on and trying to think.

He noticed that they weren’t driving back to the lair, giving him more anxiety. “Aye, where ya takin us?” He asked. “Look. You need some relaxation, big guy. You keep doing this to yourself, you need to chill. You literally fought your own ass off today, what’s up with that?” Susie makes him shut down a little, like he hasn’t even thought of the fact, but he does chuckle a little. They were all visibly worried about him.

“Alright, ah’ll try. ’m sorry for scarin’ ya.” He admits. When the van pulls up, one runs inside. He doesn’t even know where he is, it looks like they’re in someone’s garage. When they come back, there you are with big work goggles on. He’s enamored by you, the way you smile when you greet him. He didn’t even hear anything you were really saying, it was like his eyes were fixated on you and there was beautiful music in his ears. Suddenly your arms are around him and he’s floating in a dream, giggling to himself.

In reality, you’re just settling him into a wheelchair. “Findlay?” He hears you call his name, looking up. “You alright? You don’t have any brain damage or anything, do you?” You try to shine a light in his eyes, and he sort of snaps out his lovesickness. “Oh, na brain damage. Juist heartache.” He says with a pretty grin.

Your mutual friends are giggling amongst each other, and they’re already betting on the outcome of this interaction. You were just a helpful mechanic, and had a few of your own body mods as well. You’d helped a couple of their team with their tech before, but you were unfamiliar with the big guy other than hearing about him. Hazard is very flirtatious, and although tempting you’ve gotta focus. You bid the other Phreaks goodbye and help Fin into your home/workshop. You have all of his parts laid out on a table already, mangled and twisted as hell.

Your hands were all over him, checking measurements for new parts and fitting different equipment onto his body. “So… what’s yer name?” He asked, and you responded, “Y/N.”

“Oh ye, A've heard yer name around afore. Ye mist be good at yer job!” He says, watching you. That tension from before was lifted away by your angelic fingertips. There was a comfort that you brought to the room. Your place was very cool as well, he’d never seen such an extensive arrangement of tools before.

He chatted with you as you worked on his gear, telling you lots of funny stories and making you laugh. It seemed like his life was full of adventure, he had so much to say about his time in training camps and stories about his friends. When he asked, you told him the story of how you earned your robotic limb. You’d done something courageous to make an effort to save someone else instead of yourself in an accident. He could relate to your pain, and reminded you that the Phreaks would always have a place for you.

“Ye'r fàilte tae hang around mah lot. In fact, ye'r an honorary member already wi' ye helping us out all th' time.” He means well, and you appreciate the offer. “I spent a lot of work to fix up this place to how it is now, I’m not ready to walk away from it. You’re always welcome back here too!” You smile at him. You’re a great listener considering his big mouth. You get his sense of humor, and you don’t have to ask him to repeat himself too much.

You took a little lunch break together, and offered him some of your snacks. You showed him your living area, and he met your animal companion. He has his own dog shared between him and his mates. He is polite and thanks you for the meal, and you reply that it’s no trouble.

Two more hours of work passed by very quickly with more chatting, that slowly twisted into flirting. You stood beside him in his seated position, piecing him back together. His large frame was bent to your every will, telling him to move this way and that. He was like a puppy, following your every command in hope of a treat.

You knelt down, your hand holding his nubby leg and attaching new parts on. You looked over his tattoos and asked about them, interested in their meanings. You showed him so much care throughout the whole process, he was lucky to have you. He was put back together properly, and you helped him up out of the chair to stand on his own two feet again. His hands lingered in yours for a bit longer than intended, and he was towering above you, looking into your eyes with a happy expression.

When you moved back, he expressed his great condition by flexing for you and doing some moves, which you enjoyed. He was very ripped, nearly busting out of the leather jacket he wore. “This is th' best a've felt in ages!” He exclaimed as he explored his new limits. Your additions added a much needed comfort to his parts, and perhaps now he wouldn’t get so beat up now that he had something to appreciate.

He couldn’t help himself but give you a big ol hug, you were surrounded in his hefty arms as he picked you up in the process. You were just happy to help him, and wanted to see him at his best again. He was powerful like this now, and he had a new confidence to bring home with him. He stuck around a little while longer to express his gratitude, and he told you he’d be back again soon.

You missed him a little once he was gone,, a lot of people acted too punk to talk to you, or rude so they could show off to your friends. He was one of a kind, truly on your side. Maybe it was a mirage and he was showing you his nice side, like so many others have manipulated you. You were worried when you should have been happy at the gift he left on your doorstep- a potted plant along with some treats for your animal, and a little handwritten note. You missed him when he came knocking on your door-but he’ll come back to see what you think.

It lingered on your mind, as you watered the plant and found a spot for it, what his true intentions were. You’d find out, soon enough.

It was late at night, and you were drifting asleep when suddenly an alarm was triggered. You looked up at the clock, confused at first before you realize it’s a burglar, a crash coming from within the house. You shoot out of bed, grabbing something to defend yourself with and head out. For a second, in your sleepy state you thought it would be Hazard.

“Haz?” You called out, turning a light on one after one. Your animal was hissing/growling at the closed door to the garage. You moved it behind you,listening to the crashing around and the alarm screaming, before opening the door. At the same time, Hazard had made his way through the front door appearing at the same moment you locked eyes with the robber.

Your weapon pointed at them, and they dropped theirs along with everything they intended to steal. They looked terrified of you, but when you looked behind you Hazard was there. His metal gun pointed right between their eyes.

He defends you and your sanctuary, protecting what is rightfully yours and sending this scumbag a painful message. The robber got thrown out to deal with the authorities, and you were left shaken up, trying to laugh it off with Hazard at your side.

“Thanks for helping me deal with that,, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” You take him into a hug, grateful to have him.

“Aye, yer welcome. Am glad I checked on ya. Wha’ you think o my gift?” He leans into your welcoming touch. The way you were so soft, treating him the same was melting his heart. You’re feeling the same energy- he is not as scary as he presents himself, and you feel a new warmth that once was not there.

“The plant is very pretty, it’s up in my window. My pet also really liked the snacks. I love it,,, I don’t get gifts very often.”

He pats your head in a loving manner, and helps you clean up the mess. You see now, these actions are his way of showing you he means no harm. He’s honestly trying to to show his gratitude for all you’ve done. After it’s all cleaned up, it’s just you and him in the dimly lit space.

You try to reassure him you’ll be okay, but he seems worried about your well-being after the stunt with the burglar. You eventually ask if he wants to stay the night, and he accepts. You were joking at first, but he actually said yes.

So you lay on the couch with him at your side, watching a movie as you share a snack. You end up falling asleep against him and he doesn’t want to move an inch in fear of making you uncomfortable. You’re as cute as a kitten, your body in a circle shape snuggled against his side. His arm rests on your back, and he leans his head back, falling asleep shortly in time.

You wake up cuddled up like Hazard’s teddy bear. The fluffy blanket covers you both and your animal is sound asleep under your legs. Fin is awake with his eyes closed, enjoying this nice soft moment he didn’t think he’d get to have. His gun arm is unattached and laying on the floor. He feels your fingers caress over his shape, running over his hard muscles and shoulders before resting on his cheek. His eyes open and you look at each other, sharing the moment of waking up together. You smile, and you both begin to laugh before he moves in to steal a kiss.

You’re startled, even though you saw this coming, you embraced it anyways. Your heart was racing just from the little peck, it felt so good to be loved. You smooch him back, in a swift motion before you climb over him and off the couch. Loving him just came naturally to you, you hoped this was a sign things were meant to be.

“A’ll take ya to get breakfast, love. Maybe we could have a lil’ date?” He pulls you back into his chest for another cuddle. He’ll treat you good until he runs out of everything, you mean a lot to him.

[thepersistenceandthevision]

I loved the fanfic Beasts by whinlatter so much, I made an 8-tracks style playlist about it.

What makes it an 8-tracks style playlist?  Because it has 16 songs – 8 tracks for Side A and 8 tracks for Side B.  No more.  No less.

There were two songs that initially inspired this playlist, and it would have been easy to make a 5 or 6 song long playlist.  Or I could have every song that had a lyric that fit, and would have made a 20-30 song playlist.  But 16 songs exactly?  That was the challenge… and the fun. I wanted to make sure every song fit lyrically with the story and musically with each other.  Sometimes I chose covers rather than the original artist, not because I liked the song better, but because it fit with the other music. It got me to dig through old songs I half remembered and discover new artists I'd never heard before.

But I’m talking too much.  See below for each song and why I thought it fit.  Whinlatter has done beautiful work writing a story that is melancholy and hopeful, dark and funny, about characters that are broken and hurting each other and loving and strong all at the same time. I looked for songs that carried the same spirit.

“Side A” is Ginny trying, and somewhat idealizing her relationship with Harry, and everything up to New Years and their fight.  “Side B” is the fight and fear and hurting and growing and trying.

(The quotes don’t always line up in that order because sometimes characters have beautifully concise thoughts in later chapters about their earlier actions.)

Side A

i, Carrion (Icarian) // Hozier

Notes: This is one of the two songs that made me want to make a playlist.  When I first heard this song, I took all the references to flying and falling very literally and thought of Ginny struggling with Quidditch after the war.  However, after many re-listens and reading the lyrics more closely, I see this song as Harry’s and his unconscious dependence on Ginny being “light” for him, and so we start the playlist with his POV because we enter fanfics in general from the POV of the source material.

Lyric: Once I had wondered what was holdin' up the ground / But I can see that all along, love, it was you all the way down

and

 Lyric: If I should fall on that day / I only pray / don’t fall away from me

2. Dead Girl Walking // Jensen McRae

Quote: ‘And your name?’

She hesitates, a fraction too long to lie. ‘Ginny,’ she says stiffly. ‘Ginny Weasley.’

[…]

‘But [..] she – she died, didn’t she?’ he asks anxiously, turning to Tuft for clarification. ‘In the Chamber of Secrets debacle? In 1993?’

-Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

and

Sometimes I worry all I have to show for seven years of school are a lot of nightmares and bad memories. I don’t want to feel like that. I think I keep coming back because I think I can make it different, this time. 

            -Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

Lyric:  Aches in my body like I stayed up boxing / I’m a dead girl walking / but I’ve walked this far.

Notes: Jensen McRae is a really amazing up-and-coming singer.  I love this song in particular but there are many others you should check out and enjoy!

3. Landslide // Dagny

Lyric: Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? / Can the child within my heart rise above? / Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides? / Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Notes: A classic song about the struggles of growing up and life not being what you planned.  I knew I wanted this song on the playlist for a while and honestly the hardest part was figuring out if I wanted the original or a cover, and if so, which cover!  Ultimately, I went with Dagny because I thought her sound best fit with the rest of the playlist. 

4. Brooklyn // Emily James

Quote:  ‘Yeah. Sometimes. I mean – I know we joke in letters, and stuff. But it’s just – if I’m having a bad day, or it’s all a bit – much.’ His face twitches slightly. ‘I sometimes just go to a shop and buy something. That we could have in our house one day. I don’t know. It’s just nice. To buy us some egg-cups, or whatever.’

Beasts, Chapter 11: hatched by whinlatter

Lyric:  When I'm alone, I hold you like a locket / Next to my heart where you'll never get lost as / We run through moments we don't know yet

and

Quote:  It’s stupid how happy it makes her, seeing him all cocky, flirting with her in the old kitchen, letting him snog her up against the rough stone walls and hoist her up on the counter top.

Beasts, Chapter 9: wintering by whinlatter

Lyric:  I wanna wake up in my sheets and your T-shirt

Notes: Just pretend the singer is daydreaming about meeting up with her boyfriend in London instead of in Brooklyn.

5. Hope – Acoustic // Tom Rosenthal, Lizzy McAlpine

Lyric:  Can you hold me from afar? / Pretend that you are closer / Keep all our memories in the jar / And place it right beside you

and

Lyric:  You are in my heart when it has hope

6. Let Light Be Light // Lizzy McAlpine

Notes: Lizzy McAlpine might win the award for the most songs that are almost perfect for this playlist, but then had one or two lines that really changed the tone.  I switched many of her songs in and out but ultimately picked “Let Light Be Light” in honor of how hard Ginny was trying to be light over Christmas.

Quote:  ‘We’ve been writing a lot. Every day, pretty much. I’ve never – with anyone – I dunno. It meant a lot to me, hearing from you. But it’s weird to think you didn’t write down anything that was actually happening to you. That you were leaving stuff out, I mean. You must have been scared. But you never said.’

She looks past him, to the crack in the door to Regulus’ room, to floorboards covered in ink. Imagines childish handwritten words on a page, the rattle of the Boggart cupboard. To the Dark Lord. Dear Tom.

‘I just find it hard,’ she says, finally. ‘To say this stuff. To write it down. How I’m feeling, what I’m scared about. Especially to someone else. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that. It went so wrong, before.’

Beasts, Chapter 11: hatched by whinlatter

Lyric:   I don't like getting attached / It makes me feel like I've done something bad / 'Cause I'm not dependent and I know that / So why am I scared I'm reliving / That part of my past?

7. Speak // Ben Abraham

Notes: Another song for Harry – I think this song is a great fit for the room at the top of the house by whinlatter, which serves as a little “missing moment” from Beasts.

Quote: he loves her letters. no-one’s written to him since 1996, not since sirius. and now the funniest loveliest most magical girl in the world writes him five times a week. they sail through his window, like little guiding balls of light from forever ago, pure illumination. they're the best bits of his week, her letters, paper proof of her love.

she's lying to him, though. she keeps saying she's fine. he knows that's not true.

the room at the top of the house by whinlatter

Lyric:  You're hiding like a memory / Teasing like a girl I used to know

and

Quote:  all he wants to say is: gin, stop laughing a sec. stop lying. he wants to take the box of photos off her and put it on the side and hold her hands and say come on, stop this, tell me. he imagines crouching before her, asking: what's going on? what's up with you? and what did you mean, when you said it’d be ok, if i left and did christmas without you? did you think that’s what i want? paranoid thoughts: are you trying to hurt me? why would you not tell me the truth?

the room at the top of the house by whinlatter

Lyric: I panic as you try to disappear / I reach out with my fingers / And try to pull the letters back in line / But your words spin out of order / And the pounding in my chest is out of time / And I just want to speak

8. The Archer – Live from Paris // Taylor Swift

Notes: Forgive me, I still remember listening to Taylor Swifts first album in middle school and must include her in almost all my playlists.  I think this song fits ridiculously well, though.  Look at all the parallels!

Quote: You ask Ginny Weasley if she thought of herself as a child and see what she says. By her own description, she was a combatant. She was a soldier. She had her own war to fight. 

Beasts, Chapter 14: the vulture by whinlatter

Lyric:  I’m ready for Combat // I say I don’t want this, but what if I do?

and

Quote: …she can’t bring herself to pick up the quill and tell him. It’s so lonely up here. I’m so scared about this inquiry. I’m so scared I’ll let everyone down. I’m so scared you’re going to change your mind.

Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

Lyric:  I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

and

Quote:  She’s sat up in her bunk, cross-legged in her old Quidditch jumper, eyes scratching from lack of sleep. Under her bare legs, the sheets are still slick from the sweat she woke up in, retching and shuddering, kicking furiously against the bedclothes. Sleep: always the first thing to go, the first comfort to leave her when storms are brewing.

Beasts, Chapter 3: nocturnal by whinlatter

Lyric:  I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost / The room is on fire, invisible smoke

and

Quote: ‘You think they tortured you so badly you think they might have broken something in your brain. ’

‘That makes it sound loads worse than it is. I don’t think that is what it is – ’

‘Like Neville’s parents.’ 

Beasts, Chapter 11: reared by whinlatter

Lyric:  All the king's horses, all the king's men / Couldn't put me together again

Side B

9. Sick of Losing Soulmates // Dodie

Quote:  ‘I wasn’t lying. It wasn’t like that, it’s not like I was trying to lie to you, to get some kick out of it – ’ 

‘No. You just didn’t tell me anything at all. Loads better.’ 

Beasts, Chapter 11: hatched by whinlatter

Lyric:  Brave face, talk so lightly, hide the truth

and

Quote:  ‘All those endless letters to you, how were you ever going to feel like you could be honest with him? Having all that to deal with.’ Hermione looks exasperated. Crookshanks flexes his claws, as if to back her up. ‘You know, sometimes I think he forgets it’s not your job to drop everything and look after him.’

Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

Lyric:  Watch how a cold broken teen will desperately lean / On a superglued human of proof

Basically, Harry and Ginny are both - Lyric:  I can finally see / you’re as fucked up as me / so how do we win?

10. Talking to Myself // Gatlin

Quote: […]there’s no letter. She’s not heard from him in ten days.

Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

Lyric:  I got used to your voice / Like it was my own / Now there's kind of a void / I'm totally fine though

11. Fear of Water // Noah Kahan

Quote: She sits down on the bed, the weight of it all hitting her all at once. Puts her head in her hands, starts to cry.

[…]

‘The inquiry. The stupid inquiry. They’re going to do it in March. It’s - it's not a big deal, I don’t know why it’s all made me feel like this – sorry, I need to get some tissues – ’

Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

Lyric:  These tears aren't some sweet response to tragedy / Today I can't say why they fall / Honey, it's all chemical

12. Summer’s End – Spotify Singles // Phoebe Bridgers, Maria Taylor

Quote: ‘How was your Christmas, Ginny?’

Her head’s pounding. Her ankles keep buckling in these stupid boots. ‘It was shit,’ she shouts back, over the the thudding of the music, the laughter and shouting, far-off smashing of glass. ‘How was yours?’

Beasts, Chapter 9: wintering by whinlatter

Lyric:  Well I can see that you can't win for trying / And New Year's Eve is bound to leave you crying

and

Quote: There’s [a photograph] of her, one she hasn’t seen before – […] Strange, to see her own eyes soften, the scowl fall away, as she looks at the boy behind the camera, watching a feeling she has only ever felt and never seen.

Beasts, Chapter 8: bones by whinlatter

Lyric: The moon and stars hang out in bars just talking / I still love that picture of us walking

Note: The voicemail in the beginning is like a little bonus for Ginny’s forgotten birthday in Chapter 10.

Additionally, I think the resounding chorus of "come on home" can be read in multiple ways, Harry wanting Ginny to live with him, Ginny wanting her mother to pull through grief, and even Ginny talking to herself, to "come home" to her own body, which is why it's on Side B, not Side A.

13. Shine – Acoustic Version // Anna Nalick

Quote: Ginny –The inquiry is DEFINITELY happening. […] You’ll be offered anonymity for any testimony you give because you were underage. Don’t take it. The others won’t testify publicly if you don’t, you’re the one who can tell them what really happened and to properly make them fucking listen. The time for sitting on the fence is over. I want us to tell the world exactly what happened, I want to bring them down, I want them to pay for what they’ve done to us. So can you start replying to our letters please??? – Michael

Beasts, Chapter 12: scarecrow by whinlatter

Lyric:  Isn’t it time you got over how fragile you are?

Note: Anna Nalick’s song is much more supportively encouraging than Michael Corner’s letter, but, alas, Ginny does not get perfect mentors, just friends and allies trying to muddle through as best they can.

14. Better Days // Menna

Lyric:  When I break in the same place /And I′ve made the same mistakes / Wonder if I'll ever change / Or my heart′s just meant to ache

and

Lyric: I know there'll be better days / Even when I don't know how

Notes: I really wanted an anthem that wasn’t a love song on this playlist, because while her romance with Harry is important in Beasts (because, after all, romance is important in real life) it’s not the whole plot.  Ginny gets to be a full person with dynamic friendships and allies and goals, and she ultimately decides to keep trying for the future in every sense – trying with school, trying with quidditch, trying with Harry, and trying with the inquiry – even when she’s not sure how any of it will turn out okay in the end.

Also, Menna is a fantastic artist!  She’s got a number of really great songs – I especially recommend Sex in Public, Dynamite, and Didn’t Peak in High School.

15. I’m A Man // Nathan Evans, Foy Vance

Notes: This was the first song that made me want to make a Beasts playlist.  In a reversal from “i, carrion”, I originally thought of this as a Harry song, but ultimately realized that it’s Ginny all the way.  Yes, the lyrics are extremely male-gendered.  But it’s Ginny’s song.

Quotes: The entire letter Ginny sends to Harry in Chapter 12 [feels too long to quote]

and

She reads through both copies of her statement again - one for the court, one for Harry.

Beasts, Chapter 14: the vulture by whinlatter

Lyrics:  I'm a man, therefore I'm proud / And I hide away all my fears and doubts / And I hope that you'll never find me out

and

I've been struggling, I've been hurt / Guess that's what I thought I deserved / I got drunk to try and pretend I didn't care / And now I'm calling you for a truce / Finally ready to tell the truth / I can face it as long as I am here with you

16. Orpheus // Sara Bareilles

Quote: [….] ‘Is all that true?’

She swallows, mouth like sandpaper, finds she can’t speak.

‘Ginny, I’m serious, what was he talking about?’

[…]

She looks over at Harry. His head is in his hands.

Beasts, Chapter 14: the vulture by whinlatter

Lyric:  You miss the world / The one you knew / The one where everything made sense / Because you didn't know the truth

and

Don't stop / Trying to find me here amidst the chaos / Though I know it's blinding / There's a way out / Say out loud / We will not give up on love now

Notes: Whinlatter’s story is still ongoing, so this last song is where I think the story is heading.  I wanted to end on a song of hard-won hope, of not everything being okay but knowing you’re going to work towards it. 

~*~

Lastly, I just want to say that reading Whinlatter’s work has been an absolutely delight, and I’ve had so much fun putting together this playlist. I hope you get some enjoyment out of it, too.

[banabiohazard]

More decade plus bc writing these two is fun

Tw: sexual topics, drug mentions and therapy setting

After Shanon politely told Nicole she never wanted to see her again, she started a search for a new therapist, one she found after a few weeks in Ash, he was a sweet older guy, non judgmental, Nicole liked him plenty. After their third appointment he requested that Jecka sit in with them, he seemed interested in picking both their brains. And so there they sat, in armchairs across from the sweet old fellow,

“So, Ms. Jecka?”

He shifted the conversation to her and she put her phone down, “I’m told you only visited Nicole once in the whole three years she spent incarcerated, could you tell me why that is?” Jecka rolled her eyes, “Because she earned that time, duh. I went to see her and tell her how bad she fucked up and left. Didn’t expect to ever see her again but Y’know, life finds a way and all that junk.” She rolled her palm, “Aww romantic.” Nicole said half-sarcastically and rested her hand on Jecka’s wrist. “Now,” Ash turned to Nicole now, crossing one leg over the other. “You’ve said that almost every time she has been a part of, or even made an appearance in a traumatic story today, I want to inquire about why.” He said evenly as he tapped the side of his glasses rhythmically. “Uhh..” Nicole struggled, “Do you perhaps associate her presence with an escape from those situations, and now an escape from reliving them?” He asked, Jecka turned and stared at Nicole while she thought, “I, yeah, I guess I kinda do.” Nicole said as she scratched her shoulder.

“Well,” Ash sipped his coffee, “How about we talk about you two then?” He reached for his notes and flipped back to the beginning, “When you first brought Ms. Jecka up you said she was once your, ‘homoerotic high school situationship.’ Yes?” Nicole nodded, “Aww wait that’s kinda cute.” Jecka interrupted, Ash smiled in her direction. “Well, tell me about that era. Everyone has the floor.” He set down the notes and took off his glasses to rub his temple. “Oh, okay sure. Well, we were both fucked up kids, me more than her probably. We hit it off really well and stuff just kind of, happed Y’know?” Nicole started, “We stuck together pretty much, ‘fake’ flirted constantly. She basically lived at my house because she hated going home, we cuddled when we needed it, from the day we met my personal space became our personal space-“ Jeck cut her off, “We kissed on the mouth a couple times.” Nicole breathed a laugh through her nose at the awkward memories. “But we were never together, together. After we got out of high school we stayed pretty close until the whole selling crack thing got me locked up-“ Jecka cut in again, “You forgot, you fucked me half to death the night we graduated.” Nicole sighed, “I was leaving that out.” She stated, “Oh, shit, whoops.” Jecka looked away, embarrassed.

“Also it wasn’t ‘half to death’ you make it sound so violent.” Nicole added, “We broke your bed. I thought that was just a dirty talk thing, we, literally, broke your bed.” Jecka argued. Ash held up a hand, “I don’t need all the details.” He said calmly but firmly. “Sorry,” Jecka started, “But yeah she has it pretty on point, after she got her shit together I reached out to hang out when I saw her on Facebook and we clicked right back together like we used to. The whole being a couple thing is a new development but I’m sure she already said that and, whatever, yeah.” Jecka trailed off. Ash nodded, “Yes, I must say the impact that you two have had and continue to have on each other’s lives peaks my interest. Maybe Ms. Jecka could sit in again some time soon, for now we’re out of time. I hope I was of some help to you both, and of course we are setting up important walls of trust to fall back on later.” He got up from his chair with some difficulty and held the door for the two of them.

[iammeiamwe]

So, finally, the continuation of this post here.

The first thing I want to say is that I was pleasantly surprised at how many people actually liked the previous post and wanted to see more - so thanks so much to all of you, I've never thought that so many people would be interested in me talking about the design and my country's culture🩷 (and yeah thank you @signanothername for your kind words again)

I'm sorry this post took so long, but I actually struggled a lot with Nightmare design. Everything just felt wrong for some reason and I literally couldn't finish it. I even took a break at some point, and it actually worked in a surprising way.

You see, I like the Dream design I made previously. But I always felt like something was missing. The design was beautiful, and the different ornaments actually had meaning that fit Dream well, but it was lacking... a story? Like, it wasn't completely accurate, and I could really imagine a person looking like that living somewhere in the ancient Russia, walking in the streets. It was a good representation of different russian cultural elements, but that was the only thing that it was really.

So instead of thinking what russian culture elements can I include in a design I started thinking about a completely different thing.

Can I possibly imagine the dreamtale brothers in the setting of Russia in the past? What would they look like? How would they live? Can I somehow "adapt" their powers and turn them into something more related to the russian culture of that time?

And well, I made a completely different concept with completely different designs.

Now, I wanna say that this post still contains an enormous amount of text, but know it's not only about the russian culture, but mostly about the kinda au that I made? It's still in the development, I'm still thinking about the details, I mean, I haven't even got a proper name for it yet... But I just haad to write about my thoughts and share some artwork that I did so here we are.

The whole thing is inspired not only by the russian culture, but also by the Black Book game which I mentioned in the 1st part and which gave me a general direction of where to go with this.

So, the setting is somewhere around the 19th century, in a quite ordinary russian village. Both Dream and Nightmare are children from a family of villagers. Here are some examples of 19th century russian villagers clothing that I took inspiration from:

At first it looks quite simple, but it has some interesting small details and looks quite unique:)

One of the reasons I chose 19th century is that despite being quite a "modern" time, with different new technologies and overall progress it was a time when many russians (especially in villages) still believed in different myths, sayings, tales and epics. Russian culture and mythology still played a big role in ordinary people's lives, changing and transforming through the minds of different people to better fit the ever changing reality and new technologies being introduced. Russian paganism, orthodoxy and local beliefs finally began to coexist organically with each other, in some ways even blending in together creating some unique traditions, customs and overall culture.

So now, about their magic.

One of the questions I asked myself was: What kind of magic would Dream and Nightmare wield if they lived in the traditional old russian village settings? Was there even a concept of "magic" in old Russia that could be suitable for the brothers?

And while I can't say that I've found a perfect alternative, and what I'm about to tell you might seem not fitting at all at first, I think the concept I'm about to show and especially the idea it can convey is not that far from the whole "positive and negative emotions" thing.

So, as it turns out, the concept of magic or paranormal abilities in old Russia is quite unique and different. There actually were people who were considered "magicians", or rather witches and withchers, but. The whole idea of magic itself was tightly connected with different mystical creatures that inhabited the whole country in minds of russians (and there were many. like MANY) and the ability of a person to talk with them, connect with them, correctly perform various rituals related to them and basically ask them to do certain things.

In other words, a witch or a witcher in old Russia is not a person inhabiting magical powers all by themselves, but a person who can "deal" with spirits and mystical beings of different kinds, ask them to do the magician's biddings or help them in a way needed.

And let me tell you, there are many different types of beings, creatures and spirits in russian culture, all of them fulfilling their own purposes. There aare the classical spirits of the forests, of the rivers and lakes, but we also have creatures living in people's houses (spirits that look after the well-being of the house), beings living in every banya (a small russian bathhouse located near the house), spirits of field, arable land, sowing season, winds (northern and southern separately) and many more. And don't get me started on the evil spirits and different types of demons like bisi and chorts, that's a whole another category.

What I've noticed is that the different beings of russian mythology are mostly either the ones connected with nature, like keepers and protectors of forests, lakes and etc, or the so called "evil spirits", different types of demons and devils or other beings that are overall considered dangerous, which are often portrayed to have connection with human routine and different temptations and sins.

And well, here comes my idea and the whole concept. What if Dream had the power and natural talent for connecting with the different spirits and beings of nature, while Nightmare had the natural talent for connecting with the so-called "evil spirits".

Maybe you already think it's fitting, but wait, there's more. You know, I (and probably many others) always thought of positive and negative emotions as a neutral concept. Emotions aren't bad or good themselves and both types can lead to good or bad things depending on the situation and the person who is experiencing those emotions. Guess what? (And I was surprised too when I found out during my research!)

There IS a similar concept with the russian mystical creatures and magic wielders. While people who can connect with "evil spirits" were quite often viewed in a more negative light (like the situation with negative apples and Nightmare), those people could (and actually did) use their abilities and knowledge for good purposes! Of course there were people who used such abilities for their own gain and evil deeds (especially when there was always a threat of being tempted and corrupted by the forces such people were working with). But there were other uses for such powers, people like that could help and save people from the evil spirits, tell them what to do to avoid getting "on the bad side" of dangerous beings, cure people from different illnesses and being possessed by demons, etc. For example, while it was partially done out of fear of a witcher rage and revenge, people used to invite people who had connections "with the darker powers" on their weddings so that they can protect the important event from different kinds of dangerous beings and spirits, to protect newlyweds from various misfortunes in their future life together. Even shepherds were believed to have connections with different kinds of low rank demons, and used them to watch over the herd, prevent other evil beings from stealing the animals.

On the other hand, the practice of talking to and performing various rituals involving spirits of nature was viewed more positively, since it was mostly used to please such beings and ask them for a good harvest, catch off fish, successful hunting, safety during travels and etc. But such powers could also be used with evil goals. Such people could easily affect the weather, cause different natural phenomenon and even poor harvest and famine.

So, we have a situation where there are two types of powers that are overall kind of similar, are actually completely neutral by themselves, can both be used for both good and bad and completely depend on the user, but one power is mostly viewed positively while the other is considered to be rather dangerous and evil. Yeah, I feel like I've seen that somewhere.

Now, let's talk about Nightmare and Dream separately (and the children designs I made for them)

Starting with Nightmare:

• She/her in this. I don't know why, I just see Nightmare as a girl in this and Dream as a boy. She is also inspired by the main character of Black Book who is female, sooo

• She and Dream were born in a small village in a family of a skilled hunter and a powerful witch, who wielded a mysterious artefact - a book containing a huge number of spells, rituals, descriptions of various creatures and other knowledge. She was able to connect with both types of spirits and beings and often helped the villagers out. Unfortunately, while there were no problems during the birth of Dream, the process of giving birth to Nightmare was hard and the witch passed away soon afterwards.

• As already mentioned, has a natural talent for communicating with "evil" and "dark" spirits and creatures. The villagers already thought of her as cursed since in their minds she was the reason the village's beloved witch died, and when they found out about her dangerous abilities (especially since connecting with dark spirits was considered a difficult art that people learned and studied, and being born with such ability on a good level was rare), well yeaah, she doesn't have the best reputation.

• So, this is actually a cool one imo. When I was creating this whole mess in my head I thought that them being named Dream and Nightmare was, well, not the most fitting and authentic for my traditional russian au thing I'm trying to do... So I thought that maybe I can find them some cool ancient russian names that have a meaning suitable for them? And I did. So they have ancient russian names now too! So, the original Nightmare's name (the one her mother gave her) is Tihomira (Тихомира) or Mira (Мира) for short, which means "a calm and quiet, reserved person".

• But eventually the villagers gave her another name (more like a nickname) - Zloba (Злоба), which literally means evil and malicious :'(

• She was always surrounded by rumours about her and the death of her mother, she obviously doesn't remember her mother but misses her dearly, she always looks at photos of her parents together with eyes full of longing.

• Her and Dream's father shuts down after the loss of his wife, he's rarely at home at spends most of the time hunting, Mira has to stay at home to work around the house most of the time.

• In search for explanation of her abilities, as well as trying to prove to herself that she's not the cause of her mothers death, she actively seeks out all the different object, photos and painting, anything that once belonged to her. And one day, she finds the book.

• By the way, unfortunately, the father doesn't really like his daughter too. Sometimes he looks at her and really struggles not to see the reason of his lovely wife's death in her. Actually he knows about Mira's slight obsession with her mother's things, he finds it unnatural and even creepy, he tries to hide all of the witch's belongings, especially the book, thinking it can be really dangerous in Mira's hands. Well, she finds the book eventually anyway.

• I know that some people don't really like the canon concept of Corrupted not being Nightmare but rather a completely different being. I don't like that too, but I don't want to completely get rid of Corrupted as a character, so they are both present in this story as separate characters, Corrupted being an evil spirit sealed in the book (you can see him in the background of the art).

• At first Mira tries to use the knowledge in the book to prove to the villagers that she can also do good with this power, but the book eventually influences her and corrupts her.

• The apple incident is now the book incident :/

• Corrupted and Mira remain to be separate beings even after the incident, although they heavily influence each other, I'll probably talk about the incident and what happens after it in the next post after this, I still have to develop their adult designs too.

Now I'll give you a couple of examples of different creatures this Nightmare can interact with:

Actually, I need to put a warning here for descriptions of gore, death and violent actions since russian mythology is not just a couple of happy fairytales an can actually travel to some dark themes, so be warned ( if you don't want to read just skip to the Dream part)

1. Kikimora:

Kikimora was described as a short, crooked, slovenly and ugly old woman, a long-braided girl or woman. According to various other descriptions, a kikimora can be very small and thin, with a large head, long arms, short legs, bulging eyes, hairy paws, horns, a tail, and covered in feathers or fur.

It was believed that Kikimora could appear in a house after the death of one of the family members, but she could also be sent into the house by a witch or a witcher using a ritual artifact in the form of a small doll.

It was commonly believed that kikimoras cause great harm to people and can be dangerous: they prevent them from sleeping and frighten them with various sounds, annoy small children, pounce on and strangle them at night, throw various objects, drop and break things, pull out or cut out hair from people, wool from cattle, feathers from poultry in their sleep. The activity of kikimoras could even force owners to leave their home. There are stories in which kikimoras brought people to death.

Kikimora's favorite tool in the house is a spinning wheel. At night, Kikimora often spun, making a lot of noise; any things spun by her were considered cursed. If the owner of the house noticed Kikimora doing this at night, it could be a sign of imminent death. Most often, people did not see this spirit, but they heard her noise and felt her presence; it was possible to drive her out of the house only with the help of strong spells and rituals performed by a witch or a witcher.

2. Likhoradka (fever)

Likhoradka (which means fever in russian) is a disease personified in the form of a woman in russian mythology, invading a person and causing either chills or fever.

A distinctive feature of Likhoradka is her multiplicity. Most often, this spirit came in the form of several women at once (7, 9, 12). It was believed that Likhoradka crawled under a person's skin, causing illness, and after the death of a person, it jumped into the body of another. Likhoradka spread very quickly, sometimes taking many lives throughout the village. She can be driven out either by strong spells or by curing all the sick with special decoctions. If Likhoradka was driven out, then most often it was "sent" to the forests, fields, swamps.

3. Bannik and Bannica

Bannik lives in the banya ( russian bathhouse); usually invisible, sometimes takes the form of an old man covered in dirt and leaves from a broom, or a man with long hair, and also turns into a boar, a dog, a cat, a frog, a white hare. A female Bannik is called a Bannica, or an Obderikha. An Obderikha is a shaggy, scary old woman.

In general, Banniks are quite peaceful spirits, but only if a person follows all the rules during a visit to the bathhouse and does not forget to make offerings to the spirit. To appease Bannik, people leave him a piece of rye bread with a large amount of coarse salt, and also leave some water in the tub and a piece of soap nearby.

If a person angers the Bannik, he turns into a dangerous and malicious spirit - he can burn people with boiling water in the bathhouse, throw stones at them, and also knock on the wall, frightening those taking a steam bath. If a person has violated very serious prohibitions, the Bannik can cause great harm: he can peel off the skin or steam a person to death. People often came to witches for advice on how to properly appease the spirit, what should and should not be done in the bathhouse, and also asked for help if the spirit was angry.

Now let's talk about Dream:

• He/him

• His russian name is Peresvet (Пересвет), or Svet (Свет) for short, which means "the one fighting for the light". I know, it's really cool😅

•As mentioned, has a natural talent for speaking and connecting with different spirits and beings of nature.

• The villagers though of him quite well, especially compared to his sister. When they found out about his powers, they started to value him even more since he could help out villagers and perform various rituals which would bring a good harvest, protect crops, bring good weather, etc.

• He actually has sort of a hobby collecting different plants he find beautiful, one day villagers started noticing that all the flowers and plants he bring are actually either medicinal herbs that are good for curing different diseases or are used in some useful rituals. It's actually not because he's just lucky, some spirits of nature are actually helping him find them from time to time. It's after many such occurrences that the villagers started suspecting about his powers.

• Opposite to Mira, Svet is almost always outside, either just playing with other children, helping villagers with his powers or learning more about them.

• On the contrary to his sister, is not really interested in developing his powers or learning more about them and all the rituals, he mostly wants to have a simple happy childhood like other children, he also dreams of becoming a simple herbalist in the future, not a witcher, but he feels like he has to do all that to help the villagers and be a good person, so he tries his best to practice and study anyway.

• Is actually quite close to his father, well as close as you can get to a shut person like him, sometimes the father takes him to some walk in the forest with him, he tells him about different plants in the forest and how to properly survive there since he's a hunter. Svet cherishes such rare interactions quite a lot.

• Doesn't understand his sister's troubles and doesn't spend much time with her, the villagers are always demanding him to be outside, to help with some rituals or collect some herbs. But he actually wants to spend more time with her, he just doesn't know how to say no to the villagers.

Some examples of the spirits Svet can connect with:

Actually, there are no descriptions of gore here or anything, but some darker themes like death and being lost are present so please proceed with caution

1. Leshy

Leshy is the spirit-master of the forest in russian mythology. In mythological stories, Leshy appears as a plant, animal or anthropomorphic creature. It is also common for the leshy to appear in the form of relatives and acquaintances. The leshy was sometimes described as a giant, sometimes as a dwarf; there are beliefs that he could change his height.

As the master, the leshy takes care of the forest, protects it, and is the patron of forest animals and plants. The leshy was considered a fair master of the forest, who would not harm without reason, but could punish people for inappropriate behavior in his domain, or if a person behaved,he could help them. According to popular belief, the leshy could ensure good luck in hunting and safe grazing of cattle, but for this to happen, hunters and shepherds needed to make an agreement with him.

Such an agreement was called a "forest charter", people (usually with the help of a witch) wrote their requests on birch bark, asking Leshy to help in hunting and not to harm the village. In order for Leshy to accept such conditions, he was appeased and brought offerings: various foods, bread, milk, sometimes coins. However, Leshy punished people who violated the forest's prohibitions - he could kidnap them, make them wander and get lost in the forest, from where people rarely returned and usually died wandering in the forest.

2. Gamayun

Gamayun is a mythical bird of paradise in Russian culture. In literary works of the 17th-19th centuries, it is a bird that flies in from paradise and flies forever with the help of its tail. In the culture of the 19th-21st centuries, there were two main directions in the development of the image: as a bird of paradise, which is associated with ideas of happiness and bliss, and as a mythical bird that foretells trouble. Depending on which side it flies over a person's head, either luck or misfortune can await them.

...

Yay, I actually found some time today to finish this! Of course that's not all, and I have a lot more to tell you: about the specifics of russian spells, about the book, the incident and what happened after (I still need to do the adult designs), who knows, maybe I'll even add other au sanses to this. I also will certainly do more fanart for this, tell about the traditional russian house called izba, I'll also talk about more mystical creatures (I actually wanted to tell you about one more here that Dream can interact with but I cannot put any more pictures). So stay tuned for updates for this!

(i really gotta think of a good name for this au...)

(actually all the research, drawing my own art, finding pictures and materials as well as translating everything so that it would be understandable to non-russian audience takes quite a lot of time, especially since making one art piece can take me anywhere from two hour to several days, so please be patient since the next part probably won't be posted soon. anyway you are free to ask any questions about the au or russian culture as a whole while you wait, i'll try my best to answer them)

[capriddle]

Ranking of my Favorite Villains

I would like to point out that this ranking is a mix of love for the people but also of analysis of their construction and history, for this reason the ranking will be hybrid and the characters' positions will be given considering not only my love for them but also the brilliance and complexity of their writing.

Let's start with a bonus: Gellert Grindelwald (Fantastic Beasts)

I love Grindelwald very much and I find him a potentially very interesting villain because of his tormented history with Dumbledore and the final attempt to protect his tomb from Voldemort, but we know too little about him, the films in which he was the main villain did not satisfy me at all and therefore I consider him a castrated villain. The honorable mention was in any case due.

10 Coriolanus Snow (Hunger Games)

He's mean, he's calculating, he uses an iron fist and he has a charm all his own. I loved him in every interaction with Katniss, I loved his story and his death with that crazy laugh. The only man I would want to receive white roses from.

9. Aleksander Morozova/The Darking (Shadow and Bone)

Breathtakingly charming, he makes a mess of things by creating the rift, but before he became the Black Heretic, he was just a child afraid of the dark who traveled with his mother in search of peace. Could he have been used better? Yes. Do I still love him? Of course.

8. Hector Barbossa (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Literally everyone loves him, including his old enemies. An undisputed enemy in the first film of the saga, his constant bickering with Jack Sparrow is as iconic as the monkey he carries on his shoulder. Cunning, opportunistic, turncoat and courageous, the ending with his daughter consecrates him as an undisputed icon.

7. Cersei Lannister (Game of Thrones)

Ruthless, opportunistic, cynical, she would kill her children rather than hand them over to her enemies (literally). She wanted something else from life but had to fall back and made sure she could always get the most, using every subterfuge, without shame and without second thoughts. This is how you write a great villain.

6. Bellatrix Black (Harry Potter)

Unfortunately, the lack of more information about her prevents me from putting her closer to the podium, not to mention that she is a secondary villain, but for this reason she deserves this ranking at all costs. Loyal, brave, intelligent, cunning and without scruples, she would kill her family (literally) if they dared to go against her. The definition of strength made woman.

5. Aemond Targaryen (House of the Dragon)

A child bullied by everyone but brave and intelligent, a prince mistreated despite being more competent than the rest of the family. Aemond may be at the bottom of the list of succession to the Iron Throne but he doesn't know it and together with his cunning and his beloved Vagar he becomes prince regent anyway. Always go Aemond!

4. Homelander (The Boys)

Take a test tube, create a god, fill it with trauma. Here is Homelander! An extraordinary villain, a devastated psyche, a cruel and merciless world. You can't help but be terrified by a character like Homelander, he can literally do anything when he's on stage, and yet it's not all his fault, because they created the monster and now they don't know how to stop it. A character so terrifying and well written that he is loved despite everything he does.

3. Loki Laufeyson (Thor/The Avengers)

My love at first sight (not ironically). An abandoned child, a wounded brother, a son cast aside. Loki has exquisite depth, he is a deceiver but has real feelings of suffering, he feels inadequate and unloved, he is in constant struggle with himself. Ironic, intelligent, cunning, he is no longer in anything else just because this is a ranking of villains and for me he has never been a one hundred percent villain, he was certainly the first to have my heart among all these characters and he always will be♡

2. Hwang In-ho/The Front Man (Squid Game)

The fallen hero, a just and generous man who finds himself alone and abandoned by society and so, just as she turned her back on him making him lose everything, in the same way he stops having hope. Does he suffer in doing so? A lot. Does he continue on his path? Despite everything he does, he goes forward without ever betraying his new beliefs, remembering with a resentful pain what he was through Gi-hun. What can I say, a tragic character whose fate is yet to be discovered.

1. Tom Marvolo Riddle/ Lord Voldemort (Harry Potter)

Obviously, who could be at the top of a list of villains if not the personification of evil? Lord Voldemort is not only that, he is a wicked deceiver, a cunning bastard who made his way up on his own from a squalid Muggle orphanage to the top of the Ministry of Magic. Not only that, he charmed his noble companions so much that they swore loyalty to him until death. A man with a complicated past, a disastrous family and only his skills as support. A character rotten to the core but so human with his fears, anger and grudges that he deserves more consideration because he is much more than a simple villain in a children's book.

Here I am finished, I hope you liked the ranking. Let me know if you want your own ranking because I am very curious. See you soon!

[milburnandnyman]

SEX EDUCATION S4 *SPOILERS AHEAD*

Because I just binged the whole thing and I indeed cannot get past not commenting on it.

Spoilers begin from here on…

Let me just say that… I am disappointed with this season. And kinda in general (the entire Cavendish part felt so forced, I really missed seeing more of the old characters and the old setting and I wish other endings were happier, too), but obviously as a Jeankob shipper, that Jean storyline left me with a knot in my stomach.

I know things definitely didn’t seem promising from whatever glimpse we could get beforehand, but this was just so loose and forced and empty I could cry.

I immediately assumed they maybe could not get Mikael Persbrandt to do S4, because this storyline just makes absolutely no sense to me otherwise. If this was intended all along as is, then it is complete bullshit.

They literally built up this couple from S1 onward and made them struggle so much, while simultaneously letting us know how much they love one another, I was 100% convinced that in the very end they would get their happy ending no matter what. Love just had to win for once. And what actually happened seemed as if they just picked up all there ever was and dismissed it completely, tearing it apart.

This only makes sense to me if they had to “fix it” last minute and write Jakob out, because Mikael would not be there to do it. Because explain to me three seasons of chemistry and growth, explain to me all the S3 moments (especially the S3!), everyone indicating that Jean and Jakob love one another, the therapist, Maureen’s “Jakob adores you”, Ruby’s “you’re a good loking couple”, then the treehouse (I cannot believe they had the nerve to shit on that this season, calling it “creepy”), I thought the “you didn’t finish the treehouse” bit was there almost as a guarantee that he will indeed finish it in the future along with his promise to Otis “I’m not going anywhere”. The way Ola named the baby Joy, the Jean Jakob Joy - are you kidding me? The way Jean was so sure about Jakob being the father from the VERY beginning - “but he’s had a vasectomy”, “it seemed fated”, agreeing to the dna test without a single question, being surprised when reading the actual result, probably being able to CALCULATE as a smart woman and also, I think she literally kept the baby, because it was meant to be her and Jakob’s, because she loved the man, I’m sure she wouldn’t keep it if she doubted it was his, oh and also… I assume she definitely used protection with all her one night stands as a sex therapist, but I always assumed she stopped using it with Jakob, because they were an exclusive couple and she trusted the vasectomy. It seems literally impossible to me that she would not doubt it even once.

So, I was certain there would be some games around this paternity plot, maybe make us believe Jakob is not the father, but then something would happen and it would be revealed as a mistake or something. Then Jean and Jakob would both have “done wrong” in some way, she cheated in the past and then he left her over the dna test - they’d finally be kinda “equal” in hurting one another. And maybe realize that despite it all, they still love one another deeply and they have to leave the past behind and make it work.

And I cannot believe that instead of that we just got a very loose storyline about the baby daddy, no real explanation, just some brief crap “95% sure” and that ending of “a part of me always knew it wasn’t his, but” - I am sorry, but the Jean I knew from previous seasons would never even go to Jakob if she had even a glimpse of a doubt. She struggled telling him in the first place. So, making Dan the baby daddy in the end just felt so forced and disappointing, while mentioning Jakob only briefly + the way Jean was already unhappy for the majority of her screen time, it was sad to watch. I enjoyed some parts with Jean and her sister and getting to know more about their past etc., but all in all, her story this season was just depressing and this to me is anything but a happy ending. It’s not “finishing strong and hard”. It’s “I’m gonna pretend there’s no S4”.

I will however forever be grateful to the creator for giving us this couple, I have rooted for them from the very beginning and it is crushing to know that this is it, I am deeply sad about this ending and I think I’m going to need some happy fanfics to make it better or some past season rewatches. Because I cannot accept this. It feels like we’ve been left with absolutely nothing, robbed of it all.

So, to conclude: in my head, SexEd ends with S3 and Jeankob’s story wraps up with Jakob attending the therapy and deciding to trust again, being there for Jean at birth, Jean surviving the birth, there’s no fucking DNA test, just both of them reuniting afterwards, talking it through and forgiving one another and they make. it. work. Because they deserve it. And they live out their love, while raising their daughter.

So, with all due respect… today is a very bittersweet day. And I wish it were different.

[phoenix-of-jade]

12

In honor of SPOTIFY WRAPPED,  send me a number 1-100 and I’ll write you a starter based on the song.

Song number 12: Love the way it hurts by Cloudy June

Oh, your demons match my ghosts

Twin spirits... That was the conclusion the raven haired had came to after listening to Minjun's story about his past and the unfortunate love story he'd gone through. It was interesting how two seemingly completely different people, with completely different backgrounds, could share soo much in common, from a complicated family background characterized by messy games of power and the iron fist of parental authority, to the tragedy of losing their first loves in an unfortunate turn of events that would make said people haunt them to this day (even if the circumstances were different for each one of them, as well as the nature of the "haunting").

I'm sad as fuck you know

When Minjun told him that he couldn't let go of Joowan because he was his very first ever love, the information kind of struck a sensitive chord buried deep within Xuan's heart and soul. He could relate in a way with the lawyer's pain and struggles with moving on, because he too was haunted by a similar ghost: while he didn't lie about Cheng being some sort of 'ex', the man wasn't Xuan's only friend he'd ever gotten involved with in a seemingly romantical way.

The two had another friend with whom they both were very close, a boy named Xia, and while Xuan didn't love Cheng in a romantic manner, he did bear this kind of feelings for this boy; feelings he was too young back then to be able to fully understand what they were or what they meant, but which made Xia be the closest thing to an actual crush Xuan had ever experienced. Unfortunately, Xuan lost Xia when they were still kids, the young man dying at the ripe age of 13 and leaving the at the time 12 year old Xuan with a grueling sense of survivor's guilt. And to this day, the green eyed man blamed himself for Xia's death even if it wasn't his direct doing, living under the impression that anyone he'd grow to love ever again would end up suffering a similar fate, which made Xuan swear that he'll never love again.

You can always make it worse

Yet, cut to the present, and the time spent in the company of this stunning and clever lawyer made Xuan feel a kind of tingle he hadn't felt in literal years, something he never thought would be possible ever again. That strong feeling of compassion and empathy he felt for Minjun, paired with his respect for this handsome man's strong will and determination, had made Xuan develop a keen liking for his new business associate. In other words, he was starting to develop a new crush. But was he ready to accept this kind of feelings in his life? Was Xuan ready to allow himself to love again and welcome this still unknown feeling to nestle into his stone cold heart?

Baby I need you I need your claws on my neck I need your bitter red wine lips and dirty regrets I need your hunger Feels like you're tying me up I'm begging you for your love Begging you for your love

Before he realized it, Xuan had already started to slowly fantasize about him and his lawyer, and that did not include the business framework in the slightest! He couldn't take his mind off of Minjun's charming smile, his charismatic voice and the way his pretty lips looked soo kissable! It was strange feeling like this for someone so suddenly after he hadn't ever caught any semblance of such cravings for anyone else in literal years, not even for Cheng, with whom he had an intimate relationship after all...

Maybe it was the fact that Minjun kind of reminded him of Xia, in a way? It was true, he had black hair and brown eyes like his long departed friend, but so did many other people he'd interacted with in the past and he hadn't developed any displays of lust like this for them. Or maybe it was Minjun's charisma and very kind and selfless nature that reminded him of the young man? Xuan didn't know, but it frustrated him nevertheless. He wanted something from Minjun, that he could tell, but what exactly that something was, heck if even he knew!

Interesting enough was that the lawyer seemed to be interested in him too, or that's what Xuan thought from watching him closely during their conversations. It was bad! This only served to fuel those weird feelings and desires he was having even further! Should he even try to initiate something...?

Xuan shook his head in frustration, sighing and leant back into the chair, staring at the ceiling. Was it even worth it? What if he tries to initiate something romantic with him and Minjun rejects him? Not only would he end up hurt (especially his pride and ego), but that would also risk ruining their business relationship as well...

The raven haired heaved a deep sigh, wondering why things had to be soo complicated? And even if let's say, Minjun were to actually return these feelings of attraction, there was still the issue of his stalker ex boyfriend... Xuan furrowed his eyebrows remembering about what Minjun had told him: Joowan was a murderer and if he'd deem Xuan as competition, he might attempt 'eliminating' him the best way murderers know...

But how can I make me not want you now? Can I make me not go to your house?

But when was he ever afraid of death to begin with? Xuan let out a self-ironic snort. The idea sounded soo stupid in comparison to his lifestyle: he was dealing with the threat of death on a daily, such was the life of a powerful mob leader such as himself. So what was one more assassination threat on top of the already long list looming over his head? Xuan wasn't a scarredy cat. He'd never fret in the face of danger and that wasn't something that would change now. If he wanted Minjun, he could've as well gone for it! Xuan wasn't going to let anyone get in his way and if worse came to worse, he was sure that at least he could rid the lawyer of this annoying pain in the ass.

Baby I crave you I crave your taste in the night (...) And it's rushing from my feet to the back of my head

That thought in mind, Xuan smirked to himself a sinister smile. Yeah, he wasn't going to back down and give up that easily! When he wanted something, he was the type of man that wouldn't refrain from doing almost anything to get that something and if that bastard was even going to think to stand between him and Minjun, Xuan was going to show Joowan what it meant challenging the Green Eyed Death himself.

So yeah, he was going to actually go to Minjun house tonight and finally do what he's been craving to do for quite a while now. Once that decision set, there wasn't turning Xuan back from it and he was going to make sure that nothing, and really nothing, would stand between him and his goal! Those were the very thoughts traversing Xuan's mind as he stared at the shiny revolver glistening in the dim light of the study, before placing it in its holster, concealed nicely underneath his shirt and pants at his back.

Oh, your demons match my ghosts I'm sad as fuck you know You can always make it worse But I love the way it Hurts and maybe that's my curse Come and drag me through the dirt You can always make it worse But I love the way it hurts It hurts It hurts But I love the way it hurts It hurts Oh it hurts

Indeed, they were twin spirits attracting one another and for that reason they should have been together... Xuan wan't one to give up without a fight and even if this would've ended up hurting him in any shape or form, he was more than willing to take that pain. After all, wasn't he the type who liked a little bit of pain anyways?

Cheeky grin played at the corners of his lips and his emerald eyes shined with the glow of a hungry predator ready to go after its pray, as the raven haired exited the office. Let the hunt of the night begin!

[rootsofdreams]

I have never felt this impacted by a movie in my life—my in-depth reflection of Your Name (Kimi no na wa)

It Was Fate I Came Across This

I watched Your Name (Kimi no na wa) for the first time about a week ago and I realized I had never felt anything like that before. I am still obsessed over it a week later and feel more invested in that world than my own. I didn't want to lose this feeling. I even put off watching anything else for that week. 

I did watch this during a low point in my life. I've been quite depressed, social life fell apart, and took the next semester off from college. I also had never really watched much anime outside of Miyazaki before coming across this. Put all of those together and this film literally came at just the right time, with just the right story to destroy me. Almost like fate! I don't know how to describe this, but nothing I have watched prior to this has impacted me this much before. I have never cried while watching a movie. I am generally very good at hiding my emotions. But this... It felt almost ethereal, even days later. I still cannot figure out exactly why. I really wanted to figure out why. I rewatched the movie a second time.

Replaying the Kataware Doki scene and every time it's like my heart is going to melt. I can see the raw emotion on Mitsuha's face, her tears, the scratches on her skin... All of that determination, that struggle to find Taki unsure if she will ever find him, the realization that she had died, her deepest regrets... All just comes to a boiling point and explodes in that moment. Watching it, I just want her to be happy. I needed her to be okay. I think this was the first time I had cried in years. 

What Mitsuha Meant To Taki

When I rewatched the part where it was revealed Mitsuha was dead, I realized why I cared so much about her character. Mitsuha and Taki have never met before, their bond is not driven by any sort of logic, yet it still develops without any sort of interaction at all. It's interesting for a love story because they resonate with each other from experiencing the things that are unspoken; observed. You come to realize that Taki's determination to save Mitsuha at this point isn't because he wants her for himself, but because he grew to love her life, her friends, and family. He sees what she has been through, her struggles with identity and family, her loss, but most importantly how much her life is worth to her loved ones and her community. He and only he knows how truly strong Mitsuha really is.

Even though Taki has a decent life and never wanted to be in this situation to begin with, by the end he is willing to sacrifice everything to save her even if he thought he knows he might not see her ever again. This is why he writes “I love you” on her hand instead of his name. He feels he doesn't matter at this point, he just need that one last chance to tell Mitsuha what her life meant to him.

What The Film Meant To Me

I think I subconsciously related this to my own life. How my childhood is over and I won't be able to see my old friends again. How I won't be able to experience being a teen again. Those days free of worry and responsibility are over. I have had no one I could really talk to for years now, no one I felt real close with, no one I can say I truly care for or cares about me. I have felt aimless and uncertain about my future. College is a strange place. I understand Taki’s actions now. I think I would sacrifice my life for someone like Mitsuha. Despite seemingly being a “nobody” from the goonies, despite her imperfections, mundane daily activities, and dissatisfaction with her life—she has a purpose, she has people who care about her, her life matters to the people around her. She deserves to live. If I could save a life like that, I think I would have fulfilled mine.

This feeling of heartache and emptiness also comes from a sort of longing, I suppose, not just the fact that I will likely never share such a strong connection with someone that it feels like we were destined for each other, but also that I will never experience what Mitsuha/Taki did. Sounds cringe, but I cannot help but wish it would happen to me. My social skills were never all that good and I missed out on teenage love or having any close bonds with people. I think my true deepest desire is to find a true connection with someone (even just platonic), something I had never really experienced. I just want to give Mitsuha/Taki a hug and tell them how much they mean to me. 

Final Thoughts

I know this film is years old (I am full of regret not seeing it sooner), but it is one of the most beautiful pieces of art I have ever witnessed. Everything from the gorgeously drawn art of the animations, down to the characters you grow so attached to. You can overlook all of the plot holes because the experience just strikes you at your very core as a human being, at least for me. It is probably one of the few movies that I would rate a 10/10.

Thanks for reading.

[thequibblah]

20 q's for fic writers

thank u to the beloveds @kay-elle-cee and @clare-with-no-i for the tags!

AO3 Username: thequibblah

1. How many works do you have on A03? 28!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 1,057,741.... oh it's word city

3. What fandoms do you write for? Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, other stuff i have in the good old back pocket

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

ye olde come together

tell me where your secrets lie

even just to reach is a triumph (WHAT? i swear this happened behind my back)

if we never meet again

put a bow on it

5. Do you respond to comments? i HAVE to. if i don't i'll perish

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i don't really write angst honestly. and i also don't really write about jily dying so that rules out a gimme. i suppose certain sharp things is the closest i get

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? all of the others?? i suppose in terms of sheer happiness delirium energy, probably blink three times

8. Do you get hate on fics? no thank goodness lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? sometimes and only when i feel insane. more and more i feel like i am only compelled to write smut/a smutty scene if it feels like the twist of a knife. im normal <3

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? no i once did a lot of musing about what makes a crossover vs an au because i have a couple of fics that import lore/world etc from other media. but i think those qualify as au and not crossover so no i do not write that and i feel i'm unlikely to

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? no thank goodness x2

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? just the one come together french translation dogspeed on that one fr

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? naur…

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? well jily's really what i've read and written most throughout my nerd career, so i suppose that's the answer. there are funny rabbit holes i will dive down tho (ask me about my ready or not phase)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? lmao

16. What are your writing strengths? dialogue and voice, plot (ish...), worldbuilding, high-concept premises

17. What are your writing weaknesses? DON'T HAVE ANY! jk i often bite off more than i can chew and struggle to actually pin down the scope and scale of a story; i don't edit myself as much as i should; I WISH I COULD DO FREE INDIRECT DISCOURSE BUT I CAN'T

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? literally do whatever bro

19. First fandom you wrote for? probably jily lmfao

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? come together is a labour of lovehate but i do have to say tell me where your secrets lie in terms of how happy with it as a single piece

tagging @ghostofbambifanfiction @emeralddoeadeer @sunshinemarauder if you haven't done this already <3

[unlucky-leek]

I'm still really struggling with the whole novel writing thing. I'm gonna ramble a bit so you can ignore this if you want lol

Basically I've realised that I keep settling on an idea, doing a bunch of research / planning, getting super into writing it for a while, and then lose all motivation as soon as I reach some sort of roadblock. For example I'll be like "OK cool, so how do we get from plot point A to plot point B...", but then the more I start trying to come up with solutions, the more I start overthinking everything, and then I end up in this spiral of "that doesn't make sense, the characters wouldn't do that, that's too cliché, that's just a dumb excuse for x, y, and z, no-one would read this or take this seriously, imagine the negative reviews, etc etc", which I *know* is dumb because I've been writing for *years* and ever since I was a literal child I've had people complimenting my story telling and writing style. Even my fanfics have had a lot of nice comments from people. And it gets worse than that - I occasionally find forgotten collections of my own writing from over a decade ago and I'm like "damn, this is actually really good, how did I do that?" And then I get miserable because I feel like younger me was writing much better than current me, and I don't know how to recapture that.

I think a major issue I have is that my characters tend to take on a life of their own, and then it becomes hard for me to make them do things I know they wouldn't do, which makes changing and adapting the story much harder once I've established them. On the flip side, if I don't do that, then I don't feel invested in them and can't be bothered writing their story, which also sucks.

Something that simultaneously keeps impressing me and annoying me is my writing from 2016-2017. As it turns out, I wrote a LOT that year. There's so much, and I love re-reading it because it feels like I'm reading someone else's work (maybe that's a dumb thing to say, idk). But the problem is it's all half finished or random short stories that will never fit in anywhere. It's so mystical and philosophical, full of dark themes, pondering existence, fairy tale like settings... But none of it is finished, and now I feel like I can't do it justice.

There's a story I started back then that I'm desperate to finish but it's so philosophical that I get sad every time I try to work on it, which sounds ridiculous, but it is what it is lol (it's based on the concept of Tulpas if you know what they are).

Then there's the story I've had going on in my head since 2008. I've written a few scenes for it here and there, but the damn thing spans over 3000 in universe years and almost 20 irl years, how the heck are you meant to condense that into a book?? I tried writing a new story set in the same universe, but it just didn't feel right. Ironically they're the characters I feel most comfortable writing about even though I can never publish anything about them (probably).

Then there's one I've been working on recently that was based on an old fanfic story of mine (the original plot, not the characters), but I keep getting paranoid that I can never publish it because the original fanfic from 2011 is still out there. Are original adaptations of fanfics you wrote a thing? Would people sneer at it?

Then I have a random other story I got pretty far with but realised I don't know enough about the themes or the community involved to write it respectfully, so I've temporarily given up on that for now too.

I've kind of ended up in a bit of a slump I guess. In no small part due to the fact that since 2017 I just haven't had as much time to write as I'd like, and if I do I overthink it all and don't actually write anything. Or I'll be spending time doing other things I enjoy and an annoying thought will be going "you could be using this time to write", and then I just feel annoyed at myself.

Maybe I should just start with a short story collection or something... At least I know I'm relatively good at those. Or maybe I'll push through the sadness it causes and just work on the Tulpa one at last.

Not sure why I'm writing this to be honest, I think I just needed to get it all down to clear my mind.

Thanks for reading if you got this far, I hope to have an actual story for you to read one day!

~03/10/2024

[suckerforthisshit]

My comments on the "There's nothing I hate more but something I can't have" from @neallo.

I read the whole story only yesterday and I am not only impressed but also shocked. This is probably the best fic I've ever read in my life. I felt the need to get in touch as someone who is interested in writing I story telling.

I plan to engage in writing, learn how to express myself properly and describe the event as precisely as possible, so that I capture the essence, do not repeat words and portray the characters realistically. So that when I read the story later, I want to insert myself into it in a such way that I have the feeling that it is actually happening. That's exactly what Neallo succeeded in doing.

Here are some comments on the writing:

1) Each of the characters has its own character that is upgraded on the simpler basis of what we have in manga and anime

2) The scenes are described extremely precisely with a lot of details and without unnecessary embellishments.

3) The realism of absolutely everything, from the reactions and behavior of the characters to the entire course of events. Without any dull fantastic moments.

4) Perfectly depicted behavior and thinking of young people with extraordinary intelligence, living in the modern age

5) Sex scenes are described without any exaggeration, without sugarcoating, just the way sex really looks like in real life

6) Thoughts of characters are very human-like

8) Characters in different states, sober and drunk, perfectly described

9) Gracefully introduced internal struggles and conflicts of the main character (Mello) without exaggeration, exactly the way people think and face their own problems

10) Mat's character was lit in all scenes

I have to say that I see these things differently, of course, as we all actually do have our own personal head cannons. And surprisingly neallo's Mello is much alike my post kira 20 years old, fucked up Near. That's that puking out when you have to deal with emotions, that lustful needs, that analytical thinking, that pissy/bossy attitude. Only difference is that my Near usually hides his inner thoughts with his perfectly strict, cold and cool facade. And actually no one knows how extremely horny and pissed off he actually is. Which is different in your Mello, who is open about it. On other hand my Mello is much more feeling like. He wouldn't rationalize his emotions like never, he too can't face them and will probably storm out. He would live in denial to that point it would be a pure delusional madness. He wouldn't face it at all, with my Mello and Near, near isn't enough emotionally strong to state out his feelings (like. Never), and Mello would have to hunt him down which would drastically complicate the situation given that Mello on his own doesn't know what he feels about Near and mentally can't take the fact that he likes him. And for Matt, the psychoanalyst is a literal canon to me and even more, as it's actually great deal of his personality, but again, unlike your characters, more emotional, bit less rational. He would however work far better if to Mello it could actually be said, like, what actually is.. but like, my Matt has to specially pack things for Mello on way he wouldn't freak out.

Haha, anyways, I appreciate seeing the different versions of my three favorite characters that are dancing on my mind for like five years. I will do an art of these two, but I'll show them bit different then I usually draw my Mello and Near. (I already have a perfect picture in my damn head how they look like, exactly Mello)

Overall, this peace of art was MIND-BLOWING and I hope more people will read it.

[ach-sss-no]

SH liveblog ch6

First chapter & explanation | Previous chapter

Oh this is the 'Gollum rediscovers literacy' chapter!

It's named 'Indelible Ink' online but the draft chapter's name was 'What Does It Mean To Be Very, Very Good?' which I like better but maybe it's not quite appropriate, as it hints something important will happen and this is really just a chill downbeat breather chapter after the tense conversations with Boromir and Bilbo last chapter.

[Gollum is offered the chance to write a letter to Frodo] He had not held a pen since leaving his village. He had had few opportunities to read anything, either. He did not want to say so. He merely said, o yes, Sméagol would like to be given writing things.

It's a toss-up whether Gollum would be literate and whether his culture even used the written word. I wanted to let him know how to write but have forgotten. It's another 'rediscovering the old self' note and gives him something to do. Also, pretty much every important hobbit in LOTR is an author, so it gives him something in common with people he's struggling to connect to.

So they give Gollum stuff to write with, which is probably expensive, and he's just drawing the Ring with it. of course

But writing practice had somehow devolved into Sméagol drawing endless circles. Circles upon circles. A nice shape, the circle... These Men are o so clever, perhaps they could lend a poor creature some golden ink, [absolutely not, dude] he thought absent-mindedly, having already forgotten the knock at the door

Sam and Frodo have come to visit (Gollum has asked to see Frodo. and Sam is not optional)

Oh, here's a mention of Faelon, who inserts himself into the story later.

I got the names from an online Sindarin name generator (https://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/lord-of-the-rings.php) and here's what Faelon allegedly means:

Faelon (Fael (Generous) + on (Male))

Generous Dude

So, I never explain that anywhere in the fic, but multiple people jokingly call him a generous guy. (Including Sam. who I think does know enough Sindarin at this point to catch on to this? and might be doing it on purpose?) Suffer my stupid puns on the made-up names.

Once he had hidden up there while one of the younger Men who looked after him was searching the room for him, and then casually reached out to tap him on the shoulder. Faelon, his name was. How he'd shrieked! But then instead of running or fighting he had laughed merrily and called Gollum 'incorrigible', and Gollum was still not sure how he felt about that.

Also the first description of Smeagol's room. He's seeing it in a new light now that Sam and Frodo are here to look at it and he's wondering what they're thinking. Whatever they're thinking, they're tactful.

There was also a mirror in the room. Gollum had taken one look into it and turned it to the wall. Frodo was looking at the mirror now, but he said nothing about it.

Haha here's the beginning of the mirror angst as well.

Here's an anecdote, some of y'all were around for this and remember it only too well; one of the specific and oft-repeated piece of taste-based writing advice that's been passed around over the years is Your Viewpoint Character Never Looks In A Mirror, Ever. I think it was aimed originally at a certain niche boilerplate intro scene a lot of YA authors were using and it got telephone-gamed into 'no mirror, mirror bad' as if hack critics are all vampires.

Maybe they are.

"I have been whisked off my feet with merriment I did not request and I have been both asked for and given more advice than any hobbit need ever hear," Frodo said, quickly and with a touch of impatience, though the impatience seemed not to be aimed at Gollum. Gollum did not know exactly what he was talking about but he understood what it was to be impatient and irritable, perhaps because one's mind was chafed raw by something one could never really explain. "Poor Master," he said, and if his attempt at sounding comforting was overdone, and sounded disingenuous, well- it was the same tone Gollum used to comfort his own precious self, and he knew no better. "He is tired."

In LOTR Frodo and Bilbo and Sam all have something of an arc with learning to recognize and empathize with Gollum's misery (Bilbo's arc is short because Gollum's only in one chapter but it's still super important). Here Gollum is realizing that other people share his misery. He's taking pity on Frodo. This is also a step forward for Gollum in realizing that other people have interiority and feel the same pain he feels.

"Why- it is not my place to tell you whether to go or not."

Frodo just wants to be freeee

"Are you trying to remember your letters, Gollum?" Sam asked. "Ssss." Sam didn't even look like he realized he had done anything wrong, which was worse than an intentional slight. [I think it's easy for the reader to also miss what Sam did wrong, because the narration has been doing it too. Sam just called him Gollum.] But at least Sam made sense. "It has been a long time, since we needed to write anything..." "Well, if you want help remembering, I'm here," said Sam, putting his hands in his pockets. "In fact I can write some things down for you to try and copy, right now, if you'd like. It'll give you something to do." He glanced at the circles.

Sam's doing the thing he usually does, which is to take over practical day to day matters and active work when Frodo is too ill or disengaged to do it, and now that's stuck him with the work of assisting Gollum to be a person.

So Sam spends a little time helping Gollum write (and Frodo does join in), but he's obviously struggling, like way more than they'd expect.

Frodo was watching his hand move. He and Sam gave each other a look, and Sam said: "Let's see your hand, Sméagol. Give it here." Gollum hesitated, and hissed, but a sense of helplessness overcame him and he gave Sam his hand, after letting go of the pen. His fingers trembled. Sam did not take his hand. "I just want a look," he said. "Why?" Gollum demanded. "Just in case." Sam held up his own hand. "Try doing this." He did a series of hand motions, which Gollum mimicked. He could do almost all of them. "That's all right, then," said Sam, "you should be able to hold a pen. Just wanted to see." "We thought your hands might not be quite like ours since you walk on them so much," said Frodo.

Actually, Sam and Frodo were beginning to think his hands might be crippled from all of the thumbscrews, and they didn't want to upset him with a reminder of all the torture. But that's not the problem:

"No, no, they are nice handses," said Gollum, returning to his scrawling, only this time he shifted the pen into his left hand without thinking about it, and suddenly things became easier. Frodo laughed. [...] "So that was the trouble! I should have thought of it."

Frodo laughs because he's relieved there's nothing actually wrong. Gollum is left-handed and they've been telling him to hold the pen in his right hand. Easy fix (aside from the troubles left-handed people usually have. I am not left-handed myself but whenever I work on penmanship or desultorily dabble with guitar, the lessons all say 'and if you're left-handed, all of this is different and sucks!' so I sympathize?)

That's supposed to be a little mundane detail to note that he's remembering his old self (and I see I made his grandmother also be left handed. That's my nod to why he was 'allowed' to use his left hand when in the time period that might have been something 'corrected' for)

It's also not canonical, it's one of those things from the realm of 'this was not ever mentioned in canon because why would it be'

Gollum had dexterous hands (as well as sinister hands)

This is a thoroughly foul pun. dexterous and sinister also mean right-handed and left-handed (although almost no one uses that meaning anymore), in addition to meaning 'nimble' and 'creepy'.

The lesson finishes and Sam & Frodo leave. Timeskip/scene break. Galil is back and she's POV now.

Galil (Gal (Light) + il (Female))

Light Lady

I think that's light as in sunlight and not light as in featherweight? I picked it because I found it ironic to have Light Lady bonding with Goth Darkness Man.

I tried to stick to Gollum's POV in part to keep within the LOTR metafiction tradition that he may have written his own story at some point, but I felt like I needed a little bit of outsider perspective. There is a draft version of this scene from Gollum's POV- I tried that too but didn't think it worked. Looking back at it now, I still think Galil's POV is better here and I'm glad I picked that for the final version. Gollum's internal monologue in this scene doesn't add any new information or useful context.

Also, spoilers, we get Bilbo POV later because I couldn't resist. (Gollum could have interviewed Galil to find out what she thought of this incident at some point, I suppose, but not Bilbo, so unless Gollum is into RPF, the metafiction breaks at that point.)

The woman eyed the plate. "Are you bringing that to the monster?" she said in low tones of awe and horror. "Tis no monster in these quarters," said Galil, sternly. "Hold thy tongue."

Galil seems not to have any personal liking for Smeagol at this point. I guess she's just a stand-up person. Also I guess Aragorn will be mad if people are undeservedly rude to Gollum so there's that

She noticed also a drawing of fish bones, next to a series of lines she could not identify. Sméagol pointed to it ['it' meaning the series of lines which maybe should be clearer here]. "Roots." "Roots?" "Trees roots. Has she ever dug into trees roots?" "I have not," she said. "They are interesting," said Sméagol. He did not say more, and there was a look of reticence on his face- almost shyness.

From Shadow of the Past chapter of FOTR: 'Sméagol was interested in roots and beginnings.' This combined with the left-handed thing makes me think there's a sense of Gollum 'unlocking' his past by picking up a pen, which I don't think was intentional on my part, it just sorta fell together

The version of this scene from his POV includes: "He did not bother talking about how the tree had just as many branches below as it did above, only those branches took in instead of making leaves and things, and wasn't that fascinating? No one had ever found it fascinating in his life. No one cared." Which I think is implied clearly enough by his shy look, without needing the hammering from inner monologue. Especially since I am writing this exclusively to an audience of people who read fanfiction on the internet, who all, to the last one of them, have the context to understand the 'people sometimes react weird when I tell them what I'm really into so I keep it brief' thing without having it spelled out.

His discarded clothes were slimy and had a strange odor, which was why she used the stick to move them (even though Sméagol drew away and eyed her warily when it was in her hand).

I guess if I were him I'd be paranoid too??? The version from his POV clarifies that he knows she's not going to hit him but he can't help keeping an eye on the stick. "Gollum eyed it distrustfully, although she often brought a stick and had never hit him with it- the stick was for gingerly picking up the clothing that he had left in places he thought were quite out of the way, and moving them to other places."

Just noticed, her POV calls him Sméagol only. I did that because no one has ever identified him as Gollum to her. Aragorn would definitely not be telling people to call him that in this situation.

Mirror Arc continues:

"Don't want mirror," Sméagol said curtly. "Don't put it back." "It could help you with dressing." Her voice was neutral. To her eyes it was plain why Sméagol may not enjoy the sight of his reflection, but she could not know if he saw himself as unlovely. A sallow, suspicious face looked over his shoulder, with blood smeared on the cheek. "Don't want mirror." His eyes said Surely you can see why not. "Very well," she said. She could think of no way to say 'Indeed, you are hideous' in a kind manner, so she would not say it.

Gollum tells her he'll help scout for orcs and she should pass the message along.

[gontagokuhara]

teary rambling inbound

christ alive its not often i reckon with the fact that jump (the first fic of my “modern” writing era) is approaching seven (7!!!!!) years old. when i do think about it it’s often in a nostalgic way or a half-proud, half-self-deprecating way where i’m like “this was my peak when i was 17, god DAMN have i improved” because as much love as i hold for it and what it ended up as, it’s still nowhere near perfect! there’s so much i would do differently with my slightly more developed brain!!

but i get comments still on a more or less weekly basis almost 7 years after publishing, over 6 years since i last touched it. little ‘i just read this in one sitting!’ and ‘this brought me back into enjoying deh again’ and ‘i usually get bored during long fics but i wanted to finish this!’ that i have saved in their own special portion of my inbox specifically for jump comments because they all make my day every single time.

and then sometimes i get comments like these, all these years later, and i pump the breaks and just think.

unless i’m particularly out of touch this is like. the type of comments fic writers dream of. thoughtful, personal, crafted with a level of care that highlights how genuinely an author (even of just ‘silly’ musical fanfic) can move a person.

someone who never writes reviews was compelled to detail how deeply they’ve been impacted by *my* writing. something i crafted as a labor of love while i was still a teenager struggling through that same shit i was writing about had enough of a positive effect on someone that it spurred them to put as much into writing themselves, unsure if i’d ever even see it. this person walked away from something i created with the exact takeaways i hoped they would, and i very sincerely hope that whatever realizations this person had while reading, they take them and make their lives better because there’s nothing more i could possibly ask for.

jump, as much as a bit of an ugly duckling i think of it as sometimes, is like…a net good on the world. so many of my current best friends i met because i wrote jump. more than one person has embraced recovery and getting better and stepping into the sun (hah!), and that’s just people who have told me that — some of the mostly deeply influential fics in my life are ones i’ve never commented on myself. more people than i can ever hope to comprehend have had their day, week, month, life outlook altered in a positive way by something i created — by me.

in a period of life (not just my own, but more broadly speaking How Life Is in the present day, 2024) where things are pretty shitty and i’m agonizing more than ever over feeling useless and impactless and like i’ll never create anything of true value. sometimes i wake up to comments like these, and i slow my roll, and i can…genuinely appreciate that at the very least, despite everything else sucking pretty bad, people have made their own happiness through something i’ve created. i’ve made something of value, and even if i never know the impacts of that…those people are out there. if i could do it at 17 years, and still hear the positive influence of doing so 7 years later, i can do it again. i want to do it again. writing is making my happiness, and knowing that that could be true of other people makes it a happiness worth pursuing.

all of that to say: thank you, if you’ve ever read my silly stories before. if they’ve done something positive in your life, even for just a second, that means more to me than anything. and especially thank you to my more vocal readers because quite literally it’s people like the above comment, and people who i’m sure are reading this and know exactly who they are, who make me love writing as much as i do and make me want to do it forever, no matter the capacity.

i suppose i should wrap up now before my weepiness makes everyones tl all damp. thank you again, persephonescurse (even if you’ll never see this). your comment now also forever lives in the original jump discord server from 2017, so i won’t be forgetting it anytime soon. thank you.