#literally never said this before but hey
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awawa
girls are literally out here saying awawa
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#hi im j here 2 talk . saw this cow yday so i drew her and now u get 2 say hi#but omffgg my gd i dont know if any of u relate but i feel like my ability to socialize w others#specifically online and speciifically in interest-circles has gotten so much harder for no reason whatsoever#like im just becoming more self conscious ab how i portray myself and its so weird bc like . LIKEE I DONT KNOW like . ok#people r super njce . always super nice and reach out to me and talk w me or i reach out first and they respond and r soo sweet#and something happens in my brain where like . i feel like im suddenly like . inserting myself where i dont belong (not true) but why am i#the bus driver all of a sudden . in all of these situations . me when i just show up like hey#i think i j feel annoying >__< . and i dont want to bother other people but said people r literally never bothered ykwim like Will Reach Out#and im the one that pulls back but 4 no reason . i cant even think ab why i do that .why am i doing this 🧨#so many ppl i want to genuinely befriend in all of these spaces but im self sabotaging soo frwaking bad#literally rn thinking of some dms i left on read bc i panicked or mutuals ive talked w before who im nervous 2 be familiar w . hrmm#anyways . i kind of wish i had the ability 2 just talk to new people and not actually gaf ab the outcome#HELPP .. early tmblr or wcf or devart where u have thirty million friends 2 now where u r too scared 2 say hi to an almost friend .#me problem though . if not alr clear HEJAHHAAHA i think part of my reluctance also stems from the fact that i know i get this way#and so i dont want 2 rope someone else into that insecurity so i try to keep it at an arms length until i fix it#but i think i also know its a longer & more introspective thing to work on so i do need to just try anyways
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Hate having adhd went to go work on my fallout modpack, got distracted while going to disable the steam overlay, ended up in the points shop, went to go edit my profile, decided to change my pfp, found a buried folder I forgot existed, found some old Veneer art I forgot existed, spent 45 minutes looking at all the old photos, STILL HAVE NOT TOGGLED ONE SIMPLE OPTION THAT SHOULD'VE TAKEN 30 SECONDS AT MOST
#I'm shocked I have these drawings scanned on my pc I don't remember doing that I must've done it before I left in case my mom threw all my#Art out again#Anyway at age 12 I was writing a better '3 merpeople go on land to find a 4th one that has been disguised as a human all his life' story#Than Ma/ko Merm/aids EVER did so uh. Take that Jonathan#God it sucks so bad that kid me would've LOVED MM if it just DIDN'T HAVE THE STUPID GENDER WAR BULLSHIT#Literally the entire first and second season is just. So fucking stupid. I wrote a God damn essay about how they fumbled Erik's story SO BAD#I don't even LIKE Erik BUT THEY DID HIM SO DIRTY#THE CHARACTER POTENTIAL AND WRITING COULD'VE BEEN BETTER THAN ZANE B. S1 OF H2O BUT THEY THREW IT AWAY AND FOR WHAT!!!!!!!#Seriously you're telling me a kid who was abandoned his entire life for being male didn't have a bigger impact on the pod than FUCKING ZAK?#That plot twist of 'oh actually Zak was a merman all along' was 100% so they could guilt free write Erik out#Instead of like. Having him face his actions or redeem himself in like. Any way. He just fucks off. THEN the pod is like lol Zac were sorry#We're sorry for literally not doing anything to you because you were privledged enough to have a mother who was super ultra powerful#So you were never really affected by our actions until JUST now. Unlike that other fuckface Erik who suffered his whole life alone#Also then in s3 there are STILL no mermen in the pod. Not even little mermen babies. No kids and teens they've welcomed back n apologized to#NOTHING#God. Mm pisses me off dude#AND I STILL HAVENT TOGGLED THAT FUCKING OPTIONS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#Cruddy rambles#God I'm not done I'm sorry fallout can wait YOU ARE TELLING ME THE GUY WHO TELLS US HOW SHITTY MERMAN BABIES R TREATED BY THE POD. IS NOT#THE SAME ONE THE POD APOLOGIZES TO IN THE SEASON FINALE BECAUSE THEY WROTE IN A SHITTY PLOT TWIST?#AUUUUUUUHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG#It's so bad. It's so fucking bad. It's so needlessly gendered and for what. They could've just had 2 rival warring pods#What pisses me off the most is that s3 (4) completely pivots and never really follows thru with the s1 and 2 story arcs#The writers just kinda wash thsir hands of that because 'hey the pod said sorry to zac' BUT THEN NOTHING ACTUALLY CHANGES!!!!#Maybe instead of having a constantly rotating cast of characters s3 (4) could've instead focused on Ondina and Erik's relationship a bit#Maybe have Ondina tell him she wants to just stay friends because she can't trust him. Have him IDK grow and change as a character?#Maybe so you can show kids nobody is born evil and we all need support systems and healthy relationships to grow and become better people??#THAT would've been a GOOD FOLLOW THROUGH#But no instead u just write him out of the show and never show any OTHER mermen who were exiled being welcomed back#Like u had Ondina becoming a teacher... Why not have Zac become a teacher for all the new mermen who were just recently welcomed back??
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heol
#⠀ᶻᶻ⠀turn it up!⠀#unrelated its ltr not even what i linked but chasing time - azealia.. Dontttt omg ts is so facking good who made that beat!!!!!!!!!!#ANW. if breakaway is minhui then this is yijun. mayb the single ver more than true romance ver actually.. it js sounds more raw#i rly wanna talk abt why he hates jaehee#bc i’ve yapped abt minhui and talked abt DY/JY sort-of parallels in replies somewhere i found it the other day#and ik the ‘he doesn’t fit’ is what's been written (in pieces + that yt rundown i think) but likee it goes deeper than that#im gnna struggle to put it into words properly but im talking to myself so i can not make sense as much as i want thanks#ok. so he goes on and on abt how jaehee ruined BS bec he ‘didn’t fit’ into the four that they were without him but. he’s lowk projecting#he joined JG in 2016 - jiyeol mai hyeonmin and KOHEN were all there before him. jy’s in ‘08 mi + kh in 2010 + hm 2011#they chucked their whole childhoods away for jg - and in reward they were meant to be jg’s first boygroup#they ltr would’ve debuted in 2013 if it wasn’t for hyojoo being like hey! this is kinda weird lol! a 17 yo two 15 yos + a 13 yo is weird!#yj was late as HELLLL 2the party. he wouldve been left as a trainee while JY MI KH HM debuted as 9ANTHER if it wasnt 4 The Kohen Mai Thing#aka they started messing around in like 2014 while jy pretended he wasnt abt to crash out and hm had to listen to jy trying not2 crash out#then it got real bad like august 2016 and all of a sudden they HATEDD eo they couldnt even b in the same room#(aka. kh wanted him mi wanted jy and said Lollll i hate u die)#all in all: kh kicked off debut team. spot opens up for yijun right as he enters the company. he’s not cut out for ts at all#he was lonely back home and now he’s lonely here and now apparently he’s in a debut team with 3 guys who know eo and he wants to die#hyeonmin like smiles at him like ONCE during practice and he latches on fastttt this leech 😭😭😭 tries to worm his way in via hm#spoiler! it only half works theres sand under his skin he hates it all he’s not meant for them he needs a gun#it gets better over the years and jy + mi sorting their shit out & cutting off kh completely makes yj feel wayy more secure#and then they debut even if it is after yoonhae’s literal death. and then jaehee comes in like Hiii i like to act and colour ^_^#HE WNATS TO DIEE ITS HIM ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!! cant even bear to look at him#like the walls are UP he’s not letting himself become kohen. and when jh tries to get close to min - ltr exactly like he did.......#ITS NEVER BEEN MORE BONSOVERRRR#so there. he’s mean and hates him and wants him dead for that. Yayyyy#kh has def said some nasttyyyyy shit to yj too ijbol like mind you he didnt leave jg until jy did! THIS YEAR!#the song. is abt himself. him to him in the mirror. to kohen. to jaehee. he’s mad at shit that’s never happened and he’s never gonna stop#the ‘why did you fall for me’ though.. that’s him to min like#he feels like he’s conned him into it - bec the first couple months he only rly was around him to try and get into the inner circle#and then he fell in Lol. Gay
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goodnight gamers!
#ash rambles 💚#it's been a pretty solid day! i didnt do much other than play j.udgment for hours straight tbh#and hey. I'm fine with that#I've had a lot on my mind as of late with just life and everything being pretty nuts so I'm glad to have that escape#i hope everyone is doing good#one day I'll organize this blog more and write some more fanfic also#... one day- i know i've said that time and time before#yawwwnnsss I'm so sleepy.. its about 1am rn so I'm about to snooze. just got to chapter uhhhh 8 of the game 👍🏽#something thats been on my mind a lot as of late is that i spend a lot of time supporting and writing shit for other peoples f/os and ships#which is great. it's awesome. it makes me happy. whenever i write these things there is never a doubt in my mind that the character LOVES#the shipper. when i say theyre soulmates i wholeheartedly mean that from the bottom of my heart. yet it's only when i write my own shit that#i get all insecure about it. especially in the case of my dearest husband since I really do just love him so much. i never do allow myself#that same grace huh? i never let myself be loved despite how i am towards my selfshipper friends#it's just been something that's been on my mind lately and it's something I'm trying to get better at. sometimes it's just hard to believe#that they really do feel the same. I adore these characters so much it makes my heart ache. that kind of love doesnt always come easy#okay now I'm just sleepy rambling#feel free to ignore this LMAAAOO#i am literally half asleep rn#gn gamers! sleep good! or good morning too if that applies#I'm gonna go fantasize about my husband + some y.akuza crushes and knock tf out#goodnighty!
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#really randomly fell down a weird rabbit hole today#i was watching the X-Files and finally felt like reading up on david duchovny#like i see u fellow slav what kind of slav are you#so i opened up his wikipedia article and saw that his dad was jewish and from ukraine and went like AHA WE ARE THE SAME#and just out of curiosity looked up the place he's from because im curious about jewish shtetls in the ukraine#because my whole family except my biological father is from several of them and i thought hey maybe they were neighbors#which they fucking are omg theyre just 20km apart#my greatgreatgrandma is from makhnivka which i even found articles and history about and how the jewish population grew & declined#even though i did not find any steinbergs in the archives#anyway when i read up on Berdychiv where duchovnys family is from it said#early settlement by the Chernyakhov Culture#which was an archeological culture between 200 and 500 CE existing at the same time as the roman empire#....... is this how i finally find out where my name is from??????? like?????????#i wish i knew so much more than i do#like i only found out that im not russian i was just born in russia like 7 years ago or so??? because my mom never tells me anything#all the information about my great great grandparents and where theyre from is from my grandma#and her dementia is really bad now and shes just angry and screams and calls people names#my russian is too bad to properly read up on stuff like that and theres barely anything in english or german#i just want to know idk#but genetic testing is too expensive and also very america centric and the only family i have in the us is super conservative#i had to block them on facebook when my grandma made me write to them once over 10 years agl#and i know a huge chunk of my grandmas family moved to israel too so i dont want anything to do with that either#although id be curious if it would actually find my half siblings i found out about also like 8 years ago#i just wish there were more archives and more people i could talk to about this#on my grandfathers side theres nothing really left#my grandfather passed suddenly and apparently before he did he took ALL THE FAMILY PHOTOS AND DOCUMENTS somewhere to maybe digitalise them#but we dont know where so theyre literally gone for ever#but his whole family was from kiev and is apparently named after this culture era#his dad was a higher up at a sugar factory and i still cant find anything#my grandma had so many cousins and they were so interconnected and knew so much and i literally just have my mom and no one else
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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This shit is so ass I just want it to be over
#the moment i saw it has FFX But From Wish.com my intelligence 100% just feels insulted#it was already boring this entire time but disrespecting X's point by turning it into a cheap commodity device is kicking my nuts#just spitting on Sakaguchi by trying to copy his homework in the hopes idiots will clap like seals bc they recognize the reference alone#but when hasn't msq's point been pushing out nostalgia and by the book trope slop for the sake of illiterate's money#gameplay and collectables is all this shit has ever had aside from the occasional side story or side character#i like the collectables. the gameplay is interesting enough. i have a story of my own at home.#they even ripped off IX for more HEY YOU REMEMBER FF9 RIGHT? BUY OUR GAME BC WE SAID ALEXANDRIA & MIMICKED SOME BUILDINGS#YOU'LL BUY IT AND LIKE IT JUST BC IT SAYS SOLUTION NINE LIKE ZIDANE EVEN WHEN IT HAS NOTHING IN LINE WITH FF9- YOU DUMB TOOL#the solution 9 plot is just the twist from ff9 but if it had nothing to do with anything aside from being one giant reference#it's never made to fit xiv itself and it only appears at literally the last quarter of the story with virtually zero mention of it before#and then to drag it out even more they added a sprinkle of ffx fayth but make them disconnected from the themes and have no personal connec#with the protagonist (s)#everything before this is pure seasonal anime lowest grade shounen tropes with no seasoning bc it's played so predictably flat and straight#zero novelty beyond fringe ideas that just get mentioned w/o much writing behind them which this game loves doing#they love mentioning shit just to postpone it to the last second when it's suddenly important despite having no depth attached before#saves money on actually having to write a complete story#they even got Wish.com Steiner in here lmao#if anything the time for them to rip off IX was in EW because those stories actually have themes in common to make some sense#also the way characters are expendable to the story in the sense the game forgets they exist after they play their role#is at the worst it's ever been- they drop even long time main characters like flies once their exposition is done#it's so abrupt too just when you think a character might contribute more they're already gone#this expac is everything bad about the game which makes it worse than bad- it's unbearably boring and tedious#even characters that were HYPED IN THE TRAILER literally only show up for a few lines of dialogue then leave
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“maybe if i, an 8yr old, managed to talk sense into my groomed and deeply traumatised 13yr old brother, maybe he wouldn’t have accidentally almost killed himself and become a villain” and no one in that room disagreed with him??
#none of them?#not one of them went hey maybe it wasnt on us literal children to try and help him?#this is where the endeavour redemption completely lost me#it was as well written as it could be up until this point#natsu still hating him fuyumis trauma response of lets just bury everything and be a normal family shoutos conditional forgiveness#especially when endeavour said ill buy you all a house and you never have to see me again#i could live with that. i hate it (make him face a lasting consequence for the love of god) but i could live with it#he doesnt deserve forgiveness and he deserves every ounce of emotional pain hes experiencing bc holy shit he irrevocably ruined five lives#but then they really turned around and said yeah us victims share the blame for how touya turned out#what the fuck#reis level of blame is debatable since even if she was mentally stable she was still always in the mindset of hey this guy Bought Me#and his continued Buying Me will fund my parents who Sold Me to him#even before any anbuse happened she was never going to be able to stand up to him#endeavour groomed touya just like afo did with shigaraki except even worse bc it happened from day dot#then he completely cut him off from the thing he groomed him to be and dumped him on rei until he got the child he wanted#dabi was never anything but endeavours fault and the fact that the narrative is trying to make them all share the blame#and frame it as a see endeavour when we all share fault and support you isnt it easier for you? cant you stand up and solve the problem now?#its the most classic victim blaming ive ever seen and were supposed to just take it and be like aw theyre facing dabi as a family#fuck off#and even then he still freezes and makes shouto fight dabi#you cant do it so i the 16yr old you also abused will fight my brother the kid you drove to accidental suicide for you#and when he finally gets over himself (after shouto is nearly killed dont forget that) and decides hes finally strong enough to fight him#were supposed to cheer that moment?#yay hes finally going to look at touya! were the fuck was he an hour ago cause he aint done shit against afo#the family needs to share blame and support him so he can face the blame and support himself fuck off#go beyond plus ultra#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#endeavour#dabi#todoroki shouto
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Learned today that if someone shines a flashlight into your eyeballs your sinuses are visible through your mouth
Also learned via this method that one of my sinus cavities is like completely zero wiggle room stuffed to capacity full of gunk and I have. An infection 💀 which apparently explains the ceaseless incurable unbearable fucking headache that I've had for a month
#literally not exaggerating migraines are more bearable than this. make it stop#told my dr yeah ive had a headache for like a month and it hurts mostly in my face and she made this 😬 face at me#I didn't do anything about it sooner bc I thought it was just a weird tension headache or something! I've never had sinus problems before#so I couldn't identify the feeling#and only realized that could be a possibility yesterday while googling in agony 'symptoms of brain tumor' because i feel like im dying#and google said hey. look. its probably a migraine or a sinus infection. you dumb bitch#anyway. im tired. but laying down hurts my face. so I will be here spouting bullshit until I pass out#do any of yall play flight rising
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“It’s a team game” so why are they bullying me then Respawn…
#text#gamers#gaming#apex#apex legends#I thought cod was toxic … dang#first one in a while that caught me off guard#lil scumbag#multiplayers#fps#battle royale#apex trios#men ☕️#toxic masculinity#2 kinda bad toxic teammates I’ve had n im only just like lvl 130? 130hrs in?!#one called me a noob then disconnected before I could say anything#toxic gamers#other one was earlier on being aggressive in his tone n slating his OWN teammates…#could never be me#‘why are you running away’ ‘lets play the game for kills then’ ‘that’s the point’ hey … shut ur mouth 😄#literally replied ‘don’t talk to me like that’ but stuttered a bit LOL was shaking so angry#also said ‘it’s just a fucking game’#then explained why I avoided that area n that we’d die but he ignores then dies 🫶#byeeeeeeee ragequitter#don’t tell me what to do#I’m even over explaining my moves to get us saved but ok#get red circled n ragequit✨🫶 cos I was right the whole time …#so confident in themselves it’s WILD ur not gods gift it’s a lil game pew pew
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GODDDD i just miss being able to watch new episodes of riverdale live and have FUN with them. i remember watching the josie and the pussycats episode in my tiny single dorm room with like 5 of my friends packed onto my twin bed and when archie kissed kevin on the cheek we all ERUPTED in a screaming fit. and then a few weeks later we all did the same thing with the next to normal episode and again like when charles burst into the room singing we stood up and cheered like our sports team had just scored a touchdown or whatever. and even though i didn’t really like s6 very much it STILL had moments like these in the majority of episodes. but now every week i watch it alone in my bed on my laptop and i spend the entire time brain rottingly bored at best and genuinely upset and angry at worst. like what happened i miss riverdale!!!! :(
#i just feel nothinggggggg anymore it makes me actually want to burst into tears. riverdale nights used to be the most exciting nights of my#week and now i forget it’s even airing until like an hour before it starts. feels fucking bad man#not to keep beating a dead horse about how much i hate this season like I know I’ve made it clear. last night just really really did#something to me man. and it’s because they mentioned stonewall prep and i got SO excited because I was like ok FINALLY they’re gonna give me#a moment thag makes me stand up and yell like I used to be able to do. they’re gonna put bret on my screen and I’m gonna scream and run into#the other room to tell my sister about it and it’s gonna be fun and it’s gonna feel like how I’m used to feeling while watching this show.#but then they were like hey here’s two made up stonewall preppies who you’ve never seen or heard about before and who yoh certainly don’t#care about. that’s what you want right. and i literally think something in my brain snapped. irreparably#so now I’m just sitting here thinking about how the time of my life hen I got to watch my favorite show with my friends every week and jump#up and down and scream and laugh and cheer every 5 minutes is over and im never gonna get to do that again. which is awesome <3#this is so fucking melodramatic i know im sorry it’s just that I’ve snapped like I said. something happened last night & now im busted#but anyways. how are you guys doing#taylor xoxo
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i have an interview for an assistant manager position next week :3c
#it's $20-$23/hr... like 40 hours a week...#this would fix EVERYTHING oh my god please let me get it#bc gotta be real right now finances are not looking great#if i can nail this job then i'll be set for bills and for like. life in general#it's a cute trans-owned woman-owned bakery really close to my house#and now i have management experience so like i can actually be like hey yeah i did sales reports--#—and invoices and managed events and ran deposits and etc etc etc#employees at my last job literally texted me to tell me they were gonna be late even though i wasnt an 'official' 'manager'#AAAAAA im so excited just really nervous for the interview bc they said it's gonna be about an hour#never interviewed for a manager position before so im just. white knuckling
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I went into speech therapy 10000% sure that 1) If I moved people would think my lisp was an accent and respect it and 2) that anyone who matters will put in the effort to understand me. And I was right!!!
Forced speech therapy is the same as ABA therapy with the same effects. You're sat down to be told that the way you do it is inherently wrong. You're taught to pick your behavior to pieces and analyze it to manually do it the "correct" way that everyone else just does naturally.
I immediately disregarded everything they tried to teach me and refused to do my assigned homework for it so it didn't work. (Good. I never wanted it to.)
But I did get an anxiety induced stutter from it and heavy non-gender related vocal dysphoria that makes it so I have a panic attack if I hear my own voice. I hate having it recorded and if someone turns on speaker phone so my voice bounces back to me I can't talk to them.
I wish they taught me sign language instead. Or if even people had the patience for you to get out a pen and paper to switch to communicating with writing. Would've saved me a lot of trauma and internalized ableism,
i love you lisp i love you stutter i love you pressured speech i love you damaged vocal cords i love you aphasia i love you mutism i love you selective mutism i love you deaf voice i love you apraxia i love you speech delay i love you vocal tic i love you articulation disorder i love you sign language
i hate you societal norm to make fun of speech impediments i hate you “get it fixed” mentality i hate you mocking someone for the way they communicate i hate you “go to speech therapy so your kid won’t be bullied” i hate you i hate you i hate you
#ableism#child abuse#tbh half of why I was in denial about being autistic and fought to get my IEP removed#was because much of their ''help'' actively hindered me and they wouldn't listen to what I said!#when I got to high school any actual accommodations were gone#and I was just left with being pulled out of class to talk to a therapist I didn't trust and go to speech ''therapy''#hey guess who had to make up missed classwork on their own#and was signaled out because they got pulled out of class on a regular basis?#THIS GUY#the other half was my dad's influence because he's blatantly an undiagnosed autistic person#and determined to stay that way#because of his own ableism#autism is genetic soooooooooooo his kids can't have thhhaaaaaattt#because they'll look at the guy who can't hold down a job or maintain friendships#and all his other issues stemming from never learning how to cope#*relationships in general#he's extremely divorced#amazed that he got remarried but I hope it's only a matter of time because he's an asshole#and already started to mistreat her after the wedding#literally sat her down before the wedding to tell her about just how fucked up he is and how he had no interest in genuinely changing#btw his first fiance went and got my mom's number when she was picking us up#then conveniently went out of state to take care of her mother and never came back#smart move
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oh you guys this job is SO boring it’s insane
#we literally have hours of just Nothing to do. i walk around in so many circles. i’ve never peed this many times in one day in my Life#but i’d much rather#this than it be painfully stressful#and Hey. job is job. just somehow still so exhausting to be doing absolutely nothing#my manager is rly nice but upper management is kind of horrible. the girl who trained me wed and thurs was very good nd helpful#and seems very nice. the girl who “’Trained’ me today made me sooooo fucking mad#like IMMEDIATELY gossiping and talking shit. hushed whispers about how our manager was crying because she recently found out her dad has#cancer??????? like What….. why are you acting like this is juicy info … why are u telling me and other girl who has been here for one week#omg and tTHEN. she left. during my lunch break. like two min before i was supposed to come back. because it was slow#and she made it seem like she was just leaving for lunch to our manager. but told girl who has been there a week that she was leavingleaving#kind of want to kill her. pissssssssed me off so ba#but whatever Lol just a blip. i’ll make it through. hopefully relevant job comes my way bc this is kind of killing me already. need mental#stimulation#but AGAIN job is job is job so i’m not complaining#ok however i did realize im being underpaid by at least a dollar so come the 30 day review i will#ok sorry i got distracted mid typing and i cant see what i said but come 30 day review i will be asking for a bump. Lol. ok bye im so tired
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oh no im remembering why i liked sebastian so much my first time through
#literally all he wants is to be listened to and respected by a single other person#he asks you to wait and you do‚ robin walks in and says hey i know you dont like when i do this thing but im doing it anyways also#i ran into abigail and she said shes doing the exact same thing later today#he says out loud that it frustrates him that no one takes him and his job seriously and robin just. turns around and leaves.#doesnt even acknowledge it. doesnt need to. they both know it wont make a difference#and then you turn to him and take him seriously#he knows hes being an edgelord and he knows everyone else thinks its goofy but he asks you to take him seriously anyways and you do#he says 'what‚ you havent seen my motocycle before? oh‚ i guess thats cuz i havent shown it to you before huh?' and then slides back under#it waiting to see if youll scoff and walk away or if youll let him be aloof and mysterious. and you do#you stand there and you listen and you treat him like a person#you let him be tired and sad and have his space and show interest in him. you respect him#he keeps his feelings down there with him under the motorcycle and doesnt meet your eyes as he talks#he comes back out and pretends nothings wrong and you let him. you dont push for more than youre given. and no one else around him does that#people act like demetrius is mean for never spending any time with him‚ but like. im getting the feeling its the exact opposite#i think maybe demetrius is the only other person in his life who speaks his language‚ is direct and to the point and wants clear#established boundaries and preferences#sebastian says i dont really like socializing and would rather be left alone when im in my room and demetrius says ok‚ let me know if you#need anything#and thats it. maybe he doesnt do all the other things a dad should‚ but it's... enough.#not enough to want to stay for‚ though.#anyways tldr the reason is that im is him🙃#like. to a freakish degree now that i think about it#overbearing mother‚ polite acquaintance father‚ sibling i didnt really get along with‚ house way up in the woods‚ sad edgelord JEBFKSNFK#anyways . cant wait for the fiona sangster video on him bc if the penny one did therapy to me then uhhhhhhhh lmao?#origibberish#stardewposting
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