#literally just one giant run on sentence

[dumbassacademia]

my opinion on meatloaf changes so drastically depending on whether or not there is meatloaf in front of me (and admittedly probably who makes it but honestly I don’t get meatloaf from many sources) and it’s like, the same energy as when you’re a kid and you have a classmate who you’re friends with but not close enough friends to actually see each other over the summer and so as summer passes and you’re anticipating the new school year and thinking about who you miss and you don’t think about them really because if you do you get a little sad that you don’t get to see them and so you kind of start to tell yourself that you don’t even like them that much or really want to see them because that way you don’t have to worry about being bummed out or missing them but then there you are and it’s lunch recess on the first day of school (and you only get ten minutes of lunch recess this year, how are you going to properly destress from the pressures of the day with just a Ten Minute lunch recess) and then all of the sudden there they are, you see them across the blacktop by the tetherball poles, and all of a sudden you’re frozen to your spot because you’ve just acknowledged for the first time in a long time that you are consistently lying to yourself even when you pretend you’re not and you have missed them so, So much and you can hardly even breathe because what if They hadn’t missed You but then their eyes meet yours and there’s the scariest split second of your life as you wonder if they’ll pretend they hadn’t seen you but then they break out into a grin and your feet are carrying you to them before you can even think about what you’re doing and maybe you guys are too old to actually hug each other (you’ll grow out of that notion eventually but for a while it’s Important) but you stand there and you grin so stupidly and probably end up doing one of those awkward side hugs and suddenly the whole world is off your shoulders for just a moment as you bask in what the true tenderness of friendship really is and anyway I’m sure by tomorrow I won’t give a fuck either way about meatloaf but at least tonight I’m content

[spacedace]

Found this old snippet and don't really remember of the context for it outside of being a joking exploration of how weird the Fenton/Phantom family tree would seem to outsiders (not even getting into how relationships might be classified differently between the human side & the ghost side)

Anyway gonna drop it here as a prompt lol

Mind the quick reference to dismemberment, there's no gore or detailed description and no one is actually hurt, it's more there for comedic effect, but still wanted to give the heads up on it 👍

---

Nomad motioned to the towering, vaguely vampire-looking buff dude with literal flaming hair what the fuck, “Dan, this is everyone. Everyone this is Dan. He’s my…” Nomad trailed off and blinked, a look of confused befuddlement on her face as she let the sentence hang for too long.

“Huh…” She said considering, looking up at vampire-dude, Dan apparently, with a confused furrow on her brow. “You know this is the first time I’ve ever had to try and explain our relationship to each other and I’m drawing a blank and what exactly to call you. Uncle? Dad? Brother? Like, I think you could technically be considered all three.”

What the fuck did that mean??? Kon snapped his attention over to meet Tim’s masked gaze, the look of wild confusion Kon was sure was on his own face mirrored there. Around the meeting room confused and worried looks were being shared by the rest of the League. Which like, yeah, what in the Habsburgs was happening here for all of those terms to be applicable?

“Well, you’re Danny’s Mirror, so if you consider him your dad then it stands to reason I’m also your father.” Dan said, hand coming up to his - literally flaming, how did that work? - goatee thoughtfully.

“Yeah but like, I call Danny dad just to piss Vlad off.” Nomad countered, toying with her severed arm with her still attached hand. Kon didn’t think he’d ever get over how casual she was about being literally disarmed and just…not caring. “And I definitely don’t see you as a dad. Uncle?”

The giant of a ghost shook his head with a frown, “Implies that Danny and I are brothers, which could work but gives our relationship kind of a weird vibe. I feel more like his father than anything.”

“Gramps, then?”

“No.”

Nomad laughed, “Fair, wouldn’t want to take the title of Grampa away from CW. Besides we’re both half Vlad, so I think brother works best here.” She frowned, looking thoughtful, “Maybe half brother?”

Dan considered, “Half-brother could work. Though it gives Vlad more credit than he deserves.”

“Oh come on, can you imagine the look on his face if we went in together on suing him for child support?” Nomad asked, fanged grin wicked. Dan’s face lit up at the idea, and Kon felt like they were rapidly heading towards the two ghosts running off to go and go torment whoever this Vlad guy was rather then them help deal with the current demonic problem at hand.

“Can you please explain what any of that means?” Kon asked, more a squeak than anything else. He was starting to get a headache.

[astrozuya]

TXT + 6TH MEMBER MALE READER !

summary: txt ot5 x male!reader. idol!reader (implied to be the same age as hyuka). fluff + crack.

YEONJUN.

dotes on u so much

moas are like "i'm y/n's biggest fan" babe no ur not, yeonjun is 😭😭

if you're having trouble with a choreo or you feel like your vocals aren't that great in a song he'll try his best to help you however you can !!

whether that means helping you practice or reassuring you that you're amazing, he'll do anything to make you feel better

physical affection 24/7.

he'll tone it down to be more platonic when you're on camera but honestly it won't change much

just things like casually slinging an arm around your shoulder, or patting your head and bumping his shoulder into yours affectionately

out of all the members he's most comfortable with fanservice

so he won't be bothered by you flirting with other members on camera

but if u ever do it in the dorms........

frownjun.

"so basically you're saying you want to get divorced. is that it y/n. you want to throw away all the memories we shared and elope with soobin of all people? is that it"

"jjunie it was a joke"

"WHAT SO MARRIAGE IS A JOKE TO YOU"

"NO, I'M JUST NOT MARRYING SOOBIN"

just cuddle this man please he's insufferable

SOOBIN.

he's always looking out for you and making sure you're taken care of

like he knows you're an adult and can take care of yourself

but let him do things for you please it's his love language <3

"y/n did you eat?" "make sure to get some rest" "y/n, try some of this!"

soobin doesn't have a favorite member, he loves all of txt equally but it's you, you're his fav

lots of praise and reassurance and cuddles

soob doesn't do a lot of pda, especially on camera, but in private he loves clinging to you

when it's just the six of you at the dorms, he'll always be saying stuff like "leave some food for y/n- my boyfriend' and 'i promised i'd watch this show with y/n- my boyfriend' 'i love my boyfriend'

soobin babe they know. they know. you don't have to bring it up in every other sentence

maybe someone once showed him soobin x y/n fanfiction as a joke... but bro 😧 i don't think it's a joke anymore

if you flirt with the other members he'll get so sulky oh my god

you should be scared, because soobin always gets his revenge (he's literally a giant bunny)

"soobin... did you watch jujutsu kaisen without me?"

"why don't you go watch it with your beloved yeonjunie hyung, HMMMM?"

"IT WAS FANSERVICE BABE PLEASE"

BEOMGYU

will flirt with u on camera without hesitation. he's the yeon to your bin

teases you a lot but he does feel proud to show you his mature hyung side and will take care of you a lot

refers to u as toto's other father

PLS HE'S SO WHIPPED FOR U

steals ramyeon and snacks from u all the time. like he does it so much it's a running joke in the fandom 😭😭 there's youtube users out there with the username yns_stolen_ramyeon

"y/nnn give me some ramyeon!~"

"beomgyu hyung i literally just asked you a minute ago if you wanted me to add extra for you"

"no no i just want a bit"

"the last time you said that you FINISHED MY BOWL 👹👹"

"please y/n this is the last time i swearrr"

safe to say it is NOT the last time

he's such a menace (affectionate)

that being said he is actually the sappiest bf

will try to get your stylists to give the two of you similar/matching outfits

if possible, he would want you two to wear those dumb couple t shirts with shit like 'if lost, return to my boyfriend ♥️😜' 'i'm his boyfriend 😘♥️'

TAEHYUN

shows his more playful side to you

even though he's the maknae he sometimes feels like he has to be the serious one, but not around you

you're his safe place <3

and he's your # 1 hypeman

"go y/n!" "get it y/n!" look he just thinks ur amazing ok

he's down bad. clings onto u so much omg. back hugs !! all !! the !! time !!

you're probably the person he's most open with, and vice versa

his favorite thing is long talks late into the night about the serious and the silly.

like soobin, probably makes it very clear to the other members that you're his bf

he'll make you sit on his lap while watching movies

or make ramyeon only for you (bf privelege <3)

will get mad if you don't pay attention to him btw

he'll be so butthurt but he won't bring it up until like four weeks later

like if ur texting and go "hi tyun!"

he'll be like "it's kang taehyun to you y/n l/n"

"what"

"or have you already forgotten about the 28th of august 7:18 pm when you told me to go away while you were playing video games😐"

"tyun that was a month ago wtf"

HUENING KAI

if you have other idol friends he'll act so heartbroken

gyu will walk in and ask "where's yn?"

and kai will be like "he LEFT me. for felix from stray kids ㅠ_ㅠ do you think he doesn't want me anymore. do you think we're going to break up. do you-"

someone help beomgyu please 😭😭 bro just wanted to get back the charger he lent u

you'll return home to find him acting as if you died

"i miss y/n..... (sad sigh) i hope you find happiness my love"

ur big hug machine bf.

will try to climb on your back and probably crush your spine

also if you two share a room he'll climb into your bed in the night and you'll end up on the floor

BLANKET HOG 👹👹

but it's ok because u love him <3

he's ur simp and he's not even ashamed about it

moas ship you with him the most

in comeback season he'll annoy the shit out of txt

"DID YOU SEE Y/N WITH PINK HAIR"

"yes."

"OK BUT DID YOU SEE HOW GOOD HE LOOKS"

"we saw."

"HE LOOKS SO FLUFFY ARE YOU SURE YOU NOTICED-"

"KAI SHUT THE FUCK UP"

#savetxt

[wxshing-aep]

The Prom Committee (pt 1)

Ethan Morales x fem!reader

based on this request:

"how about one where y/n runs an after school club so Ethan keeps getting detention on purpose to see her because he thinks “clubs are for dorks” to quote Paxton and so his reputation as the bad boy isn’t ruined"

Warnings: swearing, banter, the word boobs

AN: decided to make it a 2 parter cause it was getting long while I was writing it and wanted to give Ethan more depth of character than the actually show so part 2 coming tmrw probs!

When his assignment was handed back by Señora Diaz upside down, Ethan wasn't surprised by the big F glaring back at him in red ink when he turned the page over.

“Stupid bitch” he muttered under his breath.

“In Español, Ethan” Señora Diaz paused on her way back to the blackboard, unsure of what he said but certain that it wasn't in Spanish.

“Sorry" he retorted and she continued her route back to the front of the classroom.

"perra estúpida”

“ethan!”

That’s how Ethan ended up in detention for the umpteenth time in his academic career, tapping his pen on the desk in the nearly empty classroom with Mr. Shapiro's happy go-lucky self staring back at him.

"Well, happy to have you here Ethan!" Mr. Shapiro greets picking up a clipboard from his desk. "Not happy to be here" Ethan deadpanned. "Sorry to hear that. Not sure how you managed to get detention during the first week of school, but hey I think that might be a new Sherman Oaks record! Congrats buddy!" Mr. Shapiro cheers before realizing the younger boy is not the slightest bit amused. "Alright, tough crowd."

"Moving right along then," Mr. Shapiro clicks a pen in his hand "time to take roll!" which causes Ethan to look around the empty classroom.

"...I'm literally the only one here"

"I know, I just love checking things off lists," Mr. Shapiro clears his throats " so do I have a Morales comma Ethan?"

"seriously dude?"

"Second call for Ethan Morales"

"you're gonna keep going til I say here, aren't you?"

"You betcha!"

"Here."

"Awesome!" Mr. Shapiro marks a giant check by the one name on his attendance sheet. "god I love doing that- Alright so unfortunately I've gotta skidaddle to help out with the faculty potluck but lucky for you sir we're implementing more of a reformative detention style this year!"

"What the hell does that mean" Ethan asked.

"It means, that instead of sitting here for the next few hours, you my friend, get to offer your help to one of the after school clubs or committees that are a bit low on helping hands" Shapiro responds with finger guns. "so guess who's today's newest member of the prom committee!"

"yea, no. I'm not joining some stupid after school club. clubs are for dorks, losers, and ugly people" Ethan responds grabbing his backpack out of the chair next to him to get up and leave.

"well actually it's a committee"

"even worse"

"Alrighty well I can see what the other options-" is all Mr Shapiro gets out before he is interrupted by your voice from the doorway.

"Oh- hey! Mr. Shapiro, did you find anyone to help with the prom posters? Eric said he'd help me out but then canceled cause he said he had to train with the assistant swim coach to quote make Michael Phelps my bitch end quote. Whatever that means, so I'm kinda flying solo here" You say, drawing Ethan's attention towards you as well.

hot damn. okay maybe after school activities are not only for ugly people. He thinks you might be the prettiest girl he's ever seen and definitely takes a mental note of your outfit that's hugging you in all the right places. He quickly realizes that he doesn't know your name and has no idea how he's never been informed of your existence prior to this moment. He's snapped back to reality by Mr. Shapiro responding to your question. "Ah- I'm sorry but Ethan is-"

"super excited to help decorate for prom" Ethan finds himself blurting out before Mr. Shapiro could finish his sentence.

"Oh- well that's great! Uh Ethan just report back by 6 so I can log your hours! I'm gonna get going, you kids have fun decorating. Go crickets!" Mr. Shapiro says, making his exit as you watch him almost skip down the hall.

"Sup, I'm Ethan" Your attention is brought back to the brown eyed curly haired boy who's suddenly standing in front of you (how the hell did he cross the room that fast, you wonder) with an outstretched hand. He never really shakes hands, he just wanted an excuse to touch you. He's cute, you note mentally. You accept the offer and shake his hand. "and you are?" he continues.

"I'm-" you pause noticing those not so innocent brown eyes are directed elsewhere, "acutely aware of the fact that you're staring at my boobs".

Ethan thinks his brain might've just short circuited cause he was definitely just caught red handed. He'd recently grown a lot more confident with girls since his summer growth spurt and subsequent glow up had dramatically increased the number of girls interested in him, but there was something about you and how you so deliberately called him out that had definitely thrown him off his game.

"Sorry- I uh- I was actually looking at your shirt. They're- It's nice" he wants to die he thinks.

You chuckle at his sudden change in demeanor. "Hmm. Yea, I know they are" you respond, turning on a heel and heading toward the auditorium.

"You comin or what?"

-

For one person, you had made pretty okay progress in a week. The current task at hand was making posters to get people excited for the theme reveal. The ground was littered with several half finished or barely started posters.

"Can you draw?" You asked Ethan.

"I'm not much of an artist"

"Really? the graffiti on the side of the school says otherwise. Your handwriting definitely sucks though so I'll do that, but the art's good and if you can do it with a spray can, you can definitely do it with some paint and markers" your unsolicited review of his graffiti made him crack a smile. His latest act of defiance had been a giant snake comically eating a cricket accompanied with the words "get fucked" on the side of the school building.

"You can't prove that was me" he challenges.

"Maybe not, but Mr. Shapiro had mentioned that I might have a detention helper today thanks to Señora Diaz and I happened to notice the words 'stupid bitch' spray painted on her car containing the same weird ass t's as the graffiti on the side of the school and here you are, Ethan."

"Damn, you're good" he pauses realizing he can't throw your name back at you because he still doesn't know it.

"Y/n" you say quietly.

"Huh?"

"My name's y/n"

Pretty name for a pretty girl, he thought.

"Alright y/n. I'll draw as long as I don't have to to touch any glitter. that shit's impossible to get off"

"deal"

"and I don't write my t's weird"

"you write your t's like a crazy person"

-

Time was pretty much flying by. Together you'd gotten nearly twenty posters done and were slowly finding out more information about each other. You were informed about some of Ethan's tattoos and how he'd actually drawn the designs for all of them himself. Not an artist, my ass, you thought. Ethan learned that he hadn't met you before because you'd previously been homeschooled and had all but begged your parents to be able to go to school with other kids for your senior year until they finally cracked and agreed to enroll you at Sherman Oaks.

"Ah I see, you're a total secret weirdo. That explains your freaky detective skills" he teases.

"I am not a secret weirdo. I just like criminal minds and puzzles"

"You were homeschooled. All homeschooled kids are a little weird"

"That's an unfair stereotype"

"Whatever you say, y/n"

"If anything you're the secret weirdo. or at least an undercover art nerd"

"I'm not an undercover art nerd"

"Yea you are. Something tells me this whole" you gestured largely to him sitting a couple feet away from you, "tortured angsty hot skater boy thing you've got going on is a pretty recent development" you comment absent-mindedly. You looked back up from your poster when he didn't respond to see him sitting there, arms crossed with a smug grin on his face.

"What?" you prodded.

"You totally just called me hot"

You're now very aware that he's a bit closer to you than he was before.

"mm don't think so"

"oh you definitely did"

"did not"

"did too"

"did not" that one came out much less confidently considering his hand had made its way to your face to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. damn, he's good.

"whatever you say, y/n" he almost whispers. have his eyes been that sparkly this whole time? He's leaning in and you're definitely not backing away. You're maybe a centimeter away from his lips until the alarm blaring from your phone, which seemed like much better idea hours ago, sent you flying back from him and scared the shit out of both you.

"shit- I- god that scared me, I uh set an alarm for 6 so you'd remember to check in with Mr. Shapiro cause, ya know, I thought we'd both probably be busy. Um- busy making posters, i mean. Obviously I mean making posters cause we definitely wouldn't be busy doing anything else so-" you ramble.

The smug little smirk has made its way back onto Ethan's face as he is quite enjoying this role reversal from your first interaction of the day.

"shut up" you say to him.

"I didn't even say anything" he responded, hands in the air in surrender.

"I've gotta head home, but thanks for helping out even though you basically had to be here. If you ever find yourself in detention again this semester, feel free to help out. Hopefully the committee is more than just me by then" you say, starting to gather your belongings. Ethan secretly hopes it isn't, he likes the idea of hanging out with just you.

"I probably will find myself in detention again. It's kinda part of this whole tortured angsty hot skater boy thing I've got going on" he says throwing his backpack over his shoulder.

"not what I said" you still attempt to deny.

"sure it wasn't"

"bye ethan"

"bye y/n"

Yea, he'll definitely be finding himself in detention again.

-

Read Part 2 here

[sirthisisa-wendys]

Wendy

:3

Welcome back

Also

How would ran, hakkai, smiley, angry, benkei and Sanzu

React if their s/o asked to touch their hair?

Oooooooof

I’ll do a few sentences for each one lol

Ran Haitani

“Can I touch your hair, Ran?” The jet black and blonde haired man looks at you with disgust.

“No.”

“Please?” you beg, putting on your best pout. “I promise I won’t ruin it.” Ran holds up a single hand, then pushes your face away.

“Fuck no.”

Hakkai Shiba

“Can I touch your hair, Hakkai?” The question is innocent and gentle, and Hakkai… Well, his weakness is your innocence and gentleness.

“There’s not much to touch,” he chuckles, already stooping down so you can run your hands over his buzz cut. “But you’re always free to touch, y/n.” When you beam at him, his heart squeezes in his chest, and your coos of wonder drive him to his knees. Literally.

Souya Kawata & Nahoya Kawata

Your hands are already in the twins’ hair as they sit on a couch side by side, playing video games. Neither of them make a sound - this is normal, this is fine - but you can feel Souya’s body tense as your hand gets stuck in his tangled locks.

“Um…” You begin to protest, but then fall silent as Souya turns to glare at you.

“Don’t.” You freeze, stuck to his hair behind the couch. “You fuck around and find out sometimes, huh, y/n?”

Sanzu Haruchiyo

“Haru, can I touch your hair?”

Silence precedes Sanzu bending over to let you touch his soft, pink locks. You hum in appreciation and approval, despite the fact that his eyes are following your every move.

“You take such good care of it,” you remark, but Sanzu says nothing still. When you’re done, he straightens up and awkwardly pats your head twice. And as he walks away - back to finish whatever he was doing before - you wonder if he’s ever had that type of affection from anyone.

Keizo Arashi

You’re locked in a chokehold on the mat, your fingers the only thing preventing you from tapping out and surrendering to the giant that is Benkei. “It’s simple; I just want… to touch your… hair.”

“My hair?” He scoffs, then releases you from the death grip. “You’re training and almost fighting for your life, and you want touch my hair?”

“Yes!” you gasp, holding your neck. “I know it’s basically a buzz cut but I want to touch it!” Instead of bending down to let you stroke his strands, Keizo lifts you up so you can see the top of his bleached white hair. You hold a shaky hand up - you’re so far off the ground! - and feel the coarse but still tamed mane with awe.

“It feels so…”

“So…?”

“So unique.” Keizo nearly drops you to the mat.

“Time’s up,” he snaps, but you see the hint of a blush tinging the tops of his ears.

[tarrynightss]

Hate sex with Jake sully?

Yes please ;)))

pairing: Jake Sully x fem!na’vi!reader

cw: smut, rough sex, hair pulling, biting, p in v, really it gets so rough they’re literally fighting, some mentions of blood, bit of a breeding kink, use of the word bitch in a derogatory sense, choking

tag: @nin3kyuu

Teaching Jake Sully the way of the People was aggravating. He’s thick headed, cocky, and it feels as if he listens to you only half of the time. He’ll mumble under his breath when you scold him, saying words that he knows you won’t understand, but the snide tone makes it clear that he’s cursing. If your Tsahík had not decided to tie you to the sky demon, then you would’ve happily let him stumble through the forest by himself. Maybe Eywa would’ve let him die after all after seeing his foolishness. 

Jake’s feet stomp into the mossy forest floor as he runs, his arms swinging beside him. He’s not doing as you taught him. He’s running like a sky person, uncontrolled and unseeing, without a care of what sound he makes or the tracks he leaves behind. 

“Ftang nga!” Stop that! You hiss but he ignores you, his brow creasing as he focuses on going as fast as he can. “Oìss!”

You ponder for a moment if you parents would truly be mad if you let the sky demon run himself to his death, the steep cliff ahead so far unnoticed by him. A snarl leaves you, knowing that you cannot let it happen. You had to follow Eywa’s will even if you didn’t like it. 

“Stop!” you shout again, this time jumping onto Jake. 

It makes him fall and the two of you roll over the ground, grimacing as you feel a rock tear the skin on your arm. It’s not long before you come to a sudden stop. 

Jake has ended up on top of you and once the shock wears off he stares at you in anger. “Why the fuck did you do that?!”

“You don’t see!” you hiss in his face. 

He returns the gesture, his face inching closer to yours. He thinks he can intimidate you? He’s nothing more than a dreamwalker, a being using the flesh of your people. With a sharp thrust of your knee into his stomach you force him off of you, Jake gasping for air as you jump up. 

“Look!” you shout angrily and point towards where the forest floor ends. The sky is filled with mist, making it hard to see the giant drop ahead. 

His face is filled with irritation as he scrambles up, one hand holding his sore stomach. When he walks closer to the edge, he finally sees it. If he would’ve kept running for about two minutes more he would’ve gone flying. 

“Shit.”

You prowl back over to him, hard gaze taking in his barely scratched up form. “Yes, shit.” 

It’s not fair that you are the one bleeding because of his foolishness. You sit down on a nearby tree trunk to inspect your wound, your ears pinned back in anger. It’s shallow, the rock barely having pierced your skin. With a bit of salve from the Tsahík there will be no mark left. 

“I’m sorry, okay,” Jake says, slowly creeping closer. 

The look on his face is apologetic, yet you feel it is not completely sincere. 

“Sorry?” Your big eyes narrow at him. “You run around like a child!” 

His lips press into a thin line as he squats down, rubbing a hand over his hair. It is clear he wants to say something, but is reluctant to do so. You were injured because of him, but still you could be a real bitch. 

“You could’ve just told me,” he says finally, almost under his breath. 

Told him?! He had been training with you for almost two months now. 

You hiss again. “Do you think someone holds our hand while we hunt? You need to learn to-“

“See!” Jake snaps before you can finish your sentence. “Yeah, I know, you say it all of the fucking time.”

You inhale deeply. Never had you met such an infuriating man before. His jaw tenses as he watches you, tail swishing across the ground behind him. And confident, oh so confident. It is as Mo’at said; you cannot teach someone who’s cup is already full. 

“You are impossible,” you say as you throw your hands up. “Will never learn.”

He turns his head away from you with an annoyed sound, choosing to rather stare off into the forest than look at you. 

“Nì'ul kame tskxe,” A rock sees more. You hiss quietly. 

His ears perk up and even more irritation flashes over his face at not knowing what you are saying. “Yeah? Well maybe they should assign me someone else. Someone who isn’t a bitch.”

Bitch. He had used that word before, but you do not know what it means. The last time he had said it was when you had slapped his head when attempting to teach him your language, groaning it between gritted teeth. 

“What is bee-aaich?” you attempt. You know he is insulting you, but you want to know exactly how. 

A smirk pulls at his lips as he glances your way. Oh, he really shouldn’t tell you. It’s clear from your tense body and pinned ears that not much will be needed to further fuel your anger. He should keep it to himself like he had done before, but today he’s feeling particularly petty. 

“It’s what humans call female dogs, a type of animal we have. Sort of like those Viperwolf things,” he explains but you frown. 

“A nantang?” 

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure.”

You shake your head and lean back on your tree trunk. “I don’t understand. Is it not insult?”

Jake has another chance to wiggle out of it, but will he be wise enough to take it? He looks at you, your head cocked to the side as you await his answer. 

He chuckles to himself. “It’s… hard to explain. Do you know when a creature goes into heat and it’s just yapping, growling and scooting all over the place? It’s acting like a bitch.”

Your cheeks flare up and you shake your head more firmly this time, angry eyes piercing into him. Though you still do not completely understand it, his explanation gave you enough ground to be offended. You would never go into heat over a male like him, nor act like it. 

You jump up from your spot. “Heat? You are no man!”

“No, that’s not what I meant-“ he starts but stops as he sees how you are staring down at him. 

You seem to mean your words, looking at him with a mixture of disgust and anger. 

He stands up, ever so slightly towering over you as he approaches. You don’t budge, standing your ground till his chest is almost pressing against yours.

“No man, huh?” he questions. 

You bare your teeth at him. “No man. Your mind and body are weak. No woman would have you.”

Jake had swallowed a lot of shit from you in the last few months. Pretty much every day you scolded him, slapped him, clearly thinking of him as less than. He could see your hate for him in your eyes, and the fiery feeling started growing within him as well. This was the last match to send that fire roaring, the last kick to his manhood that he could take. 

His nostrils flare as he studies your face. “Is that right?”

The small twitch at the corner of your lip does not go unnoticed by him, a borderline smug look forming on your face. 

“Yes.”

The sky demon closes his eyes for just a second as he exhales deeply. Before you can say another word he has grabbed you by your beaded top, making you gasp out in shock. 

“How about I show you?” 

Your heart pounds in your ears at his words and you attempt to get his hand away from you. It won’t budge, and as he hauls you even closer you can hear some of the threading of your top ripping. 

“You will break it!” you hiss. 

He only grabs it tighter, beads popping out between his fingers and falling to the ground. His gaze travels from your face to your chest, clearly able to see your nipples poke through your top. “Who cares? I don’t get why you even wear it in the first place. Everybody can see your tits anyway.”

You spit in his face and he flinches, his grip on you slightly wavering. It’s enough to allow you to pull yourself loose, your top tearing to pieces in the process. If there’s one thing Jake hadn’t expected you to do, it was spit on him, and he wipes his face off with his hand. The growl he lets out makes your resolve waver, his fury so clear. 

As soon as you decide to run, he’s on you, pulling you back by the braid that encases your queque. You cry out in pain as you scramble to scratch his hands away, but soon he has pulled you back into his body.

“Good kitty,” he mocks as he holds you against his chest, his own heart beating fast and hard. 

One hand holds you by the braid as the other grabs onto your hip, forcing your ass back against his crotch. A mewl leaves your lips as he grinds into you, your body instantly responding despite your protesting mind. It senses Jake’s potential as a mate, the natural instinct to reproduce overruling all. 

“Like I said, a bitch,” he chuckles into your ear. 

The evidence of his growing arousal presses against your ass every time he bucks into you. He may not like you, but fuck did you always look hot in those tiny tops and loincloths the Na’vi wear. It left little up to the imagination, and he had spent many moments alone stroking his cock at the memory of it. 

Confident that you’ll continue grinding on him, he moves his hand from your hip to fondle your breasts. He squeezes the soft flesh harshly in his hands, rolling your hard nipples between his fingers. 

You try to find your own anger again, growling in between the rapid pants that leave your lips. It seems that Jake wants to fuck you like a Na’vi, his hand so tightly wrapped around your braid. The ache between your legs urges you to fulfill his request, but you won’t make it easy on him. He’ll be getting the full experience. 

Suddenly, you force your head down and to the side, biting into his wrist. He curses out in pain as your teeth lock around him, tears rolling down your own cheeks from your queque harshly being pulled at. 

“Fuck! Shit!” he lets go of your braid to force your jaw open. You are locked onto him like a fucking pitbull, his fingers prying at your cheeks. 

When you finally let go he stumbles back, staring at you in disbelief. The faintest hint of blood stains your lips and you carelessly wipe it off, a self satisfied grin forming on your face. You didn’t draw a lot of blood really, just enough to scare him. 

Taking advantage of his shock, you jump onto Jake and tackle him to the ground. He grunts in pain as you straddle him and lick a long stripe from his collarbone up to his chin. He tastes like desire, fury and fear, the mixture so potent that it makes you groan low in your throat. 

He does not know how to react, watching you as your face pulls back from his neck. Your pupils are dilated with desire, your tail stroking almost teasingly past his legs. The fighting had clearly gotten you going. 

It’s only when you move lower down his body, fingers fumbling with his loincloth, that he springs to action.

“Oh no, you are not getting near that,” Jake says and pushes your head further away from his crotch. 

You hiss, baring your teeth at him as you push back against his hand in protest. 

The sight makes him grimace. “Yeah, exactly for that reason. Need a fucking muzzle for you, shit.”

You are displeased by his response. Never had you noticed how good he smelled before today. Maybe it was because of your sudden desire, but you wanted to seek out the source, and he was not allowing you. 

You open your mouth, fully intending to chomp down on his thigh in revenge, but he grabs onto your braid and yanks you back before you get the chance. 

Jake pulls you upwards by your hair, making it so that you are straddling his clothed cock again. You growl your protests but after all that biting he isn’t listening. His hand comes down hard across your cheek, making that side of your face tingle and your mouth close up. 

“Shut up,” he hisses at you, shaking you by your hair. 

A wave of arousal washes over your body at his rough treatment. This is how many of you mated, fighting for dominance till the woman was stuffed full of seed. You had not expected Jake to have it in him, but perhaps you had been wrong.

He sits up slightly to bring his mouth to your breasts, sucking and biting at your hardened nipples. You allow him to do so for a bit, moaning at his touch. A yelp leaves you when he bites down harder on one of your nipples. His amber eyes shoot up to look at you, taking in your pleasured face as his tongue flicks out to lick at the now sore bud. You looked so beautiful like this. 

“Is that all you have, Jake Sooly?” 

But god does he wish you would shut up. 

Jake turns his attention to his next target, this time biting your nipple harder till you start squirming and trying to push him away. Your chest rises and falls rapidly against his face as he laps at your breast afterwards, admiring the slight shades of purple that your nipples have blossomed into. 

Your hand finds his braid and you tug at it, making him groan lowly against your flesh. He feels how sensitive it is now, any pulling quickly turning painful, and so he does it to you some more. You hiss at him like an angry cat as he continues his assault on your nipples, biting and sucking till you cry out in protest. 

Your core throbs as he pulls away from your chest. His eyes are glazed over with lust and a smug smile adorns his face. But once again, he’s getting too cocky, wrongly assuming that you’ll just sit prettily while he basks in the moment. 

“Repxìsu does it better,” you purr meanly, snapping your teeth at Jake’s arm and making him let go in reflex. You roll yourself off of him and turn your back to him, wishing for it to appear as if you got bored. 

Repxìsu? Jake grits his teeth. That lean shit that always hangs around you at the village. Yeah, Jake remembers him. 

In a flash, Jake is on you, pressing down on your back till you are on hands and knees for him. Content with his reaction, you turn your head to look back, but are shocked to find him moving in on your shoulder. He bites down on it harshly, unable to control his own strength yet. You cry out in pain underneath him but don’t move. It feels so good. You can feel your wetness start to drip down your thighs as he holds you down, his large body staying put on top of you. 

His fangs finally leave your skin, thin smears of blood staining it. 

“Does that Repxí cunt do that to you, huh?” Jake questions and you shake your head wildly. 

His hand finds the base of your tail, grabbing onto it harshly as he starts tearing off both of your loincloths. You can hear the fabric ripping, Jake far too impatient to properly take them off. Your tail coils around his arm like a vice, your ass pressing into his now bare crotch eagerly. His thick cock slides past your cunt, sending a shiver down your spine. 

“What happened to ‘no female will want me’?” he asks, a smirk playing at his lips as his fingers seek out your dripping core. 

He prods at your entrance before quickly sliding two fingers into it, groaning at your wetness. 

You glance back at him with sharp eyes. “I do not want you,” you look him over with an unimpressed look. “I just want your cock.”

His smirk drops and he curls his fingers up into your cunt, stroking your insides at a hard pace. Unbelievable. He is convinced that no matter what he does you’ll always disapprove of it. He could be taking a shit and you would still tell him he’s doing it wrong. 

You cooed underneath him, eager to take more of his fingers inside of you as if you had not just insulted him. Why did he even want your approval? You are insufferable, your only redeeming quality being your body. 

“Fuck,” Jake curses angrily as he spreads his fingers, the slick walls of your cunt easily giving way. “Why am I even preparing you? Slut like you don't need it.”

After a few more harsh strokes from his fingers, he pulls them out of you and presses your body further down into the grass. He leans in over you, licking past the shell of your ear as he tugs on your tail. 

“Tell me you want me to breed you.” A confident high fills him at the thought of you saying those words. 

You scoff at him, tongue flicking past your bottom lip as you glance back at him. Your cunt clenches around nothing in a silent yes, but you’d never admit that. “Is that what you need to hear to feel like a man, Sooly?”

He grinds his teeth together as a darker shade flushes over his cheeks in humiliation. With a growl, he wastes no more time and lines himself up with your slick entrance, instantly thrusting his full length into you when it gives way. Your nails dig into the grass beneath you as you cry out at the overwhelming feeling of being filled. Great mother, why was a being this stupid blessed with such an amazing cock? 

Jake’s body presses down on top of yours as he starts thrusting into you wildly, harsh slaps of skin against skin resounding throughout the forest. Never had he imagined that you would feel this good. Your wet cunt sucks him in so deliciously, spurring him on to take you harder. Finally you are no longer insulting him either, slutty moans falling from your lips as you let him fuck you as he pleases.

“Yeah, that’s it,” he purrs and bites down into your shoulder once again, his cock twitching inside you as he marks you. “Good little bitch.”

His fangs biting and scraping against your skin makes your eyes squeeze shut in pleasure. Everyone would see that you had let him take you, a thought that should fill you with disgust and shame but in the moment you did not care. He had won this.

Jake pulls you back on his cock by your tail at every thrust, enjoying the way you start to hiss in a mixture of pain and pleasure at his bruising grip. His pace is relentless, fucking into you like it’s his last day alive. 

“Fucking say it,” he groans as he feels his cock hitting against your cervix, your body writhing underneath him. “Say you want me to breed you.”

Your attempt at a scoff turns into a pathetic whine as the walls of your cunt clench around him. His strokes are hitting so deep, so good. It feels like your brain is turning to mush. 

“Say it!” Jake commands and frees his hand from your tail only to bring it down onto your ass in a hard slap. 

You scream out underneath him, tears forming in the corner of your eyes. To let him do it is one thing, but to say it out loud? You shake your head weakly. That would be too much to give to that cocky asshole. 

When another hard slap against your ass still doesn’t cause you to relent, he decides to try another approach. His hand snakes around to your front so he can grip onto your throat, feeling your breath hitch underneath his fingers when he squeezes down. 

Your cunt clamps down around his length as you gasp, your hands ripping out the grass underneath you. 

“Shit,” Jake groans as he feels his thrusts starting to falter, the feeling over your walls squeezing his cock becoming too much. 

He hisses into your ear as he chokes you, making you whimper in a pathetic display of submission. “Say it.”

The tears that had gathered in your eyes fall down as it becomes harder to breathe. It causes an odd sensation inside of you, and you let out a silent scream as your body rushes towards your orgasm. 

“Breed me!” you choke out. “Do it you vonvä!”

A sick satisfaction washes over Jake at your words. God, he knows you would just fucking hate it if he actually knocked you up. You would be horrified to carry his child, and though he wouldn’t exactly be thrilled either, in the moment having your full submission gives him the last push over the edge. 

His hand around your throat squeezes tighter as he fucks into you a few more times, groaning when his release shoots into you. You desperately try to thrust yourself back against him as he cums, wanting to find your own peek as well. 

He watches with a smirk as you try so hard, lewd squelching sounds coming from your used pussy as his cum seeps out past his cock. It’s pathetic, and he releases your throat to instead flick his impatient fingers over your clit. 

You cry out as Jake gives you the last push you needed, the walls of your cunt fluttering around him as you cum. A breathless chuckle leaves him as he feels the way you suck in not only him, but also his spend. At this rate you really might get yourself knocked up, but it seems you do not care. 

A rare silence falls as both of you pant, neither moving to pull away from each other. You let your tired arms give in and fall into the grass. Wiya, you hate to admit it but that was the best fuck you’ve had in a long time, your pussy still throbbing. 

Perhaps you had finally found something Jake Sully was good at. 

[tortillamastersblog]

✐ Drained | Kara Danvers ✎

Pairing: Kara Danvers x spider!reader

Warnings: angst, cursing, fighting, mentions injuries, and violence

Summary: Kara solar flaring and putting herself in danger over and over again puts a strain on your already fragile relationship. . .

_______________________________________________

“Y/N?” Alex’s voice in my ear makes me flinch and if it weren’t for the fact that I can literally stick to ceilings and walls I would have slipped off the edge of the roof I’m currently standing on. “You good?”

I sigh and lift my hand to my ear. “Yes, I’m okay. Just stopped a bank robbery.”

It was a fairly easy job, considering the robbers immediately surrendered when they saw me.

“Yeah, I saw it on the news, so. . .”

“So?” I play with the mask in my hands and close my eyes, enjoying the night breeze on my face.

“Are you coming back to the tower, or are you planning on spending the rest of the night on a rooftop?” she asks, her voice full of concern. She can see where I am because of the giant digital map back at the tower. What she doesn’t know though is why I’m here. Judging by the looks she’s given me lately, she knows that something is up, but she has yet to figure out what it is.

I scoff bitterly and slip my mask back on. “It’s not like it would matter anyway.”

“What?”

I take a deep breath and swallow the hurt clawing its way up my throat. “Nothing. Forget I said anything. I’m heading back now.”

There’s a short pause on the other end of the line before Alex says, “Okay. See you in a bit then. Swing safe, little one.”

“We’re the same age, Alex, and I’m literally taller than you.” I deadpan, leaping off the building.

My stomach flutters at the feeling of the wind rushing by and for a moment I forget all about why I was brooding in the first place.

“I’m four days older than you” Alex corrects with a chuckle and I can’t help but smile under my mask as I swing through the city.

“Pff. . . tomayto, tomahto.” I swing from building to building, keeping my eyes and ears open for anything suspicious while I make my way back to the tower.

Alex laughs again, trying to convince me that four days are a significant amount of time only to stop mid sentence when an explosion across the city captures both our attention.

“What was that?” I pivot and start swinging in the direction of the explosion, my spider-senses tingling ominously. Alex ignores me, cursing under her breath and typing furiously on a computer. “Alex!”

“Y/N?” J’onn’s calm voice does nothing to assuage my worry, especially not when I can hear Alex shouting something unintelligible in the background.

“What’s happening, J’onn? What’s going on?” I shout over the noise of traffic as I swing across a bridge.

“It’s Supergirl,” he says. “She got caught in an ambush. We’ve already sent out some backup.”

Kara. . .

My heart clenches at the thought of anything happening to her and I force myself to go faster. My arms burn and I’m panting in no time, but the only thought on my mind is that I have to get to Kara before anything else happens.

“They’re never going to get there in time, J’onn! Do we know who’s responsible for this?” Caught up in my own worry, I miscalculate on of my swings, coming dangerously close to swinging into oncoming traffic.

“We don’t know any details yet, but Lena and Brainy are working on it.”

I clench my jaw and force myself to go even faster when another explosion goes off. “Any word from Kara?”

The short silence that follows gives me the answer I’m dreading before J’onn even admits that communication with Kara has been cut off.

“Fuck!” I ignore whatever else J’onn says after that and perform two powerful swing before finally getting to the docks by the river. Sweat is running down my body below the suit and my lungs are burning.

I land on top of a crane and let my eyes dart all over the place until I spot what I’m looking for.

Below me, standing in a circle around Kara in her super suit are four goons, dressed in black combat gear. They have have strange looking guns pointed at her and I realize that every time Kara uses her heat vision, the guns absorb it before shooting it back at her.

Why isn’t she flying away?!

“Nala, what’s going on down there? Why isn’t she fighting back properly?” I ask the AI in my suit, trying to figure out how best to approach this situation without putting Kara in any more danger.

Nala scans the surrounding area before reporting her findings. “I have detected traces of Kryptonite in the air.”

“Shit. . . And how many hostiles are there?” I ask, only now noticing the way the veins in Kara’s face and hands glow a faint green.

“There are four hostiles at the moment but I have detected three more incoming human heat signatures in a lead-lined truck half a mile from here. ETA forty seconds.”

I jump off the crane and swing to a nearby container closer to the ground. “Fuck! They’re going to take her!”

My heart is pounding in my ears and I know that if I don’t act right now, it’s going to be too late, but I can’t think of a plan when all I can focus on are the yelps that escape Kara every time she takes a hit.

“Thirty seconds.” Nala’s says, her robotic voice as calm and rational as ever. “If you don’t do something within the next five seconds the chances of Supergirl being taken increase from 43% to 97%”

“I know, Nala! Shut up, I’m trying to think!”

A particularly strong blow hits Kara’s side and she drops to one knee with a whimper while one of the goons pulls a pair of bulky handcuffs from his pockets.

They wouldn’t normally be able to restrain Kara, but because she’s weakened and on the brink of solar flaring right now they’ll work on her just like they do on any other human being.

“Twenty seven seconds.” Nala reminds me.

“Argh, fuck!” I’m shaking uncontrollably, not knowing what to do.

“Your time to act is running out in three—“

My eyes dart around frantically, trying to spot something that could help me distract them.

“Two—“

There’s nothing. No pipe, no crate, or anything I could fling at them.

“One—“

Before Nala can finish, I leap off the container and swing right at the group below me.

I can’t fight those goons because they’d outnumber me, so a quick getaway is my only plan of action.

“Heads up!” I shout which makes all of them look up in surprise.

At the sight of me, Kara lets out a broken sob of relief and lifts her arms like we’ve practiced a hundred times before.

She does it just in time because not even a second later I slam into her, wrapping one arm around her waist and picking her up mid swing.

“Gotcha!” I readjust my grip on her and focus on swinging us away as her arms tighten around my shoulders. “Hold on, I’m getting us out of here!”

Kara doesn’t answer. She only sobs against my neck and wraps her legs around my hips.

Well, that was easier than I thought it would—

A blow to the back of my left leg makes me howl in pain and I almost miss my next swing. I look over my shoulder and see the goons below chasing us with their guns raised and firing.

“Nala! A little help here!” I screech as I see the lead-lined truck the AI detected earlier barreling towards us.

“Calculating alternative routes. . .”

Another blast from below grazes my shoulder, making me grit my teeth. “Oh my God?! What are you? My car’s GPS?! Tell me where to go!”

I take a sharp right turn and head for the city, now finally out of range of the goon’s on foot. The lead-lined truck however has turned down the same way we did and is now hot on our tail.

I can’t get higher because all I can swing off of are these containers and I can’t go any faster because I have Kara in my arms.

That reminds me, since picking her up she hasn’t said a single thing and her grip around me has also loosened considerably.

“Nala, what’s wrong with Supergirl?” I ask, doing my best to dodge the bullets that are being fired at us from below.

“It seems the Kryptonian has passed out.”

Great, she’s solar flared. . .

I grunt and readjust her in my arm. “Is she injured?”

“Yes, but she should make a full recovery as soon as her powers have returned.”

The gunfire from below suddenly stops and when I look down I see that the truck has come to a stop in front of a superficial police barricade.

Officers are swarming the place, ducking behind car doors and aiming their guns at the truck, screaming at the goons to step out with their hands behind their head.

“J’onn.” I breathe in relief when I realize that this is the backup he mentioned earlier.

I try to get my comms device working again, having no idea when it stopped working in the first place, but it doesn’t turn back on, so I just continue making my way into the city toward the tower.

Now that the imminent threat of being shot has been eliminated though, I slow down considerably and focus on keeping my swings as smooth as possible in case Kara wakes up.

Someone squeezing my hand makes me stir in my chair. I groan and open my eyes, feeling a dull ache on my shoulder and the back of my leg where I was hit by the goons.

“Baby. . .” Kara’s soft voice makes me shoot up in my chair and when I look down at her on the bed I find her blue eyes already on me. She smiles softly and squeezes my hand again. “Hey.”

“Hi, how are you feeling?” I ask quietly. I reach forward and push the sun lamps up enough for her to sit up carefully.

“Like shit,” she admits with a small chuckle.

I scoff and let go of her hand, burying it in my lap. If she’d said that three months ago, I would have laughed and kissed the back of her hand playfully, but since then, things have changed.

Three months ago, sitting in the med bay next to Kara was a very rare occurrence. Nowadays though, it’s almost a daily occurrence.

She’s constantly taking unnecessary risks and on the off-chance that she’s not out superheroing, she stays up late at the office to finish an article, or write a news segment.

I can’t remember the last time we slept in the same bed, much less when we shared a meal together. Our relationship is barely even a relationship anymore, and tonight has honestly been my last straw.

Frowning at the way I pulled my hand out of her grasp, Kara sits up straighter. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Tears prick my eyes and I dig my fingernails into my palms. “What’s wrong?! Are you kidding me, Kara? This is the third time you’ve solar flared this week! You were almost kidnapped and I was shot twice saving you!”

“Y-You’re hurt?” She squints, presumably to use her x-ray vision on me, but then she realizes her powers have yet to return. “Are you—“

“This isn’t about me!” I cut in, my voice getting louder. “You keep putting yourself in these situations and I can’t for the life of me understand why. What’s going on with you? Why are you doing this?”

Kara gapes at me, her frown deepening. “Y/N. . .My Love . .”

I shake my head and get up, pacing at the foot of her bed. “No, Kara. I want answers. What’s going on with you? Does it have anything to do with me?” I ask, my voice shaking. “Did I do something wrong? Is that why you’re never home? Are you being reckless to prove something, or—“

“No, you didn’t do anything,” she insists. “I promise. This has nothing to do with you.”

I stop and turn to look at her. Her blue eyes are shining with tears and her chin is quivering.

“Then what is it?” I use the sleeve of the hoodie Alex gave me earlier after cleaning my wounds to wipe away my tears.

Kara clenches and unclenches her jaw as if she’s struggling to admit something. “Y/N, it’s not— I mean, you didn’t— I know things have been a lot lately, but-“ she runs a hand through her hair and sighs. “I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

If that isn’t the biggest lie she’s ever told then I don’t know what is. She’s a horrible liar and even if I didn’t hear the telltale sound of her heart stuttering just now, I’d still know she was lying just by seeing the guilty look on her face.

I stare at her for a moment, wondering when everything started to go this wrong between us before hanging my head low and turning to leave. “Well, I guess you better start figuring it out then because I can’t do this anymore, Kara.”

“W-What?” she stutters. I hear her trying to get up to follow me before groaning and falling back into bed. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.” I reach for the door handle without looking back.

“Wait!” Her voice falters and when she sniffles I have to force myself not to turn back and comfort her. “Are you. . . Are you breaking up with me?”

I swallow harshly and open the door. “No, not yet anyway.”

I leave before she can say anything else and make my way to the tower’s main room where J’onn, Alex, and Nia are sitting around the coffee table.

“Hey, are you okay?” Nia asks when she sees the distress on my face.

I just shake my head and make my way to the elevator. “No. Alex?”

The older Danvers who’s also watching me with concern gets to her feet. “Yeah?”

“Tell your sister to pull herself together,” I say before stepping onto the elevator.

I see J’onn raise an eyebrow at the interaction and share a glance with Nia before the doors slide closed.

Kara might be the one who solar flared, but I could bet a hundred bucks I’m more drained than she is right now.

This has been quite some time in the making now, and I know it’s no longer up to me how things will turn out from here on out.

It’s in Kara’s hands now and if our relationship is as important to her as it is to me, she will have to prove it.

_______________________________________________

Uh oh. . .

[burningcheese-merchant]

When Burning Spice was introduced a lot of people made comparison with Capsaicin, and even thought they were related. You have any thoughts on that?

I do, and you're all probably going to be very disappointed lol

Not only do I NOT vibe with the idea that they're related, I'm actually really annoyed that it's as popular as it is lol. It doesn't even make sense. Burning Spice was in prison for thousands of years; when, where and how did he have a kid? At what point in time did this occur? Capsaicin is a young man. A regular mortal, outside of his "Spice Overlord" thing. I ask you all again: when? Where? How? WHY? Has anyone ever actually thought this through?

"ThEy LoOk SiMiLaR" okay, and? So fucking what? Neither of them own the concept of "long hair" or "muscles" or "sharp teeth". Pitaya has those too, and he has an arguably more substantial connection to Capsaicin because they're actually from the same fucking area. Happenstance. Lots of characters in this game have similar attributes, that doesn't necessarily mean anything

"ThEy'Re BoTh SpIcY" Refer to point A. Do you all think all the nut-based cookies are related, too? That's the logic you might as well be operating on. Correlation is not causation

"Blah blah both jail" you know how many characters in this whack-ass phone game count as felons, bro? How many of them SHOULD count as felons lol? The Cookie Run universe might as well be one giant Alcatraz with all the shit these little affronts to God get up to every day, I ain't making them all each other's relatives because of it

They're the wrong ages for them to be family. Burning Spice was serving a life sentence since long before Capsaicin was even thought of, he literally got out after the guy was already a grown ass man. They're not even from the same fucking CONTINENT! Capsaicin has probably never even HEARD of Beast-Yeast! Even that little comic the CRK Twitter account posted makes fun of all this shit!!! The Wild Spices mistake Cap for Spice from behind, and then get confused when he turns around because THEY VERY CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW WHO HE IS AND HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE! Wouldn't an army know if their general had a son, even if it was only mentioned in passing? Wouldn't THIS army have a vested interest in having their general's son around if he existed, and stop at nothing to bring him home should he vanish, to gain favor with Spice and because of how powerful Capsaicin is and how useful he could be to them?

I wouldn't be so bent out of shape about all this if it wasn't LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYWHERE!!! I cannot enjoy any content of Burning Spice OR Capsaicin without having to endure a fucking barrage of "hurr durr father and son" posts!!! I just want to ogle my hot, sexy, deliciously evil spice man BY HIM-FUCKING-SELF in peace, I never asked to have to hear the exact fucking same "hi son I came back with the milk" joke over and over and over again

I know I sound like a massive dick right now and I'm truly sorry. You are more than welcome to think of these two as related in some way if you wish. I am not your mother, nor your leader, nor your god, I'm just some cringe loser on the internet. Enjoy this game and its characters in whatever way you choose. I even actually like a good bit of the father/son art, a lot of it is cute and funny. I'm able and willing to say that with complete sincerity.

I just wish I didn't have to feel like it's being forced on me. That is one of the biggest issues I have with this fandom: how oppressive it often feels. You MUST ship this particular pairing, you MUST headcanon these characters as family, you MUST take this one-off joke that was clearly just a goddamn joke and preach it 24/7/365 like it's the gospel truth that Devsis themselves wrote on stone tablets and delivered from the top of Mount Sinai. And then when someone doesn't want to do that, everyone else descends upon them like a plague of fucking locusts. I actually saw a Dad Spice + Son Cap post on here with the person who made it saying something like "ok since everyone agrees that these two are family [...]" and I just got so fucking irritated. No, actually, not everyone agrees. Not everyone agrees on a lot of the fanon that's shoved down the entire community's throats on a regular basis. PLEASE stop acting like they do. I still remember when people would get flat-out harassed for not acting like Herb is Sea Fairy's son (old ass drama lol).

Say what you will about me, I'm just one person and you can block me or whatever dumb tags I use for my dumb shit. There is NOWHERE I can go to avoid this. Twitter? Plagued. Tumblr? Plagued. Even fucking reddit is on this nonsense (only in my personal opinion). But that's what I get for acknowledging Reddit in any capacity lol

I shall once again sincerely apologize for my harsh tone here, I am not attacking you personally or anyone who headcanons these two as relatives. I am just generally, profoundly frustrated and I need to get it out. I appreciate you taking the time to ask me an honest question, I hope you can forgive me for my painfully honest answer

[lurkingteapot]

Free Thai language learning resources

I’ve been learning Thai for the past 20 months. This list is by no means complete or comprehensive, what works for me doesn’t have to work for you, etc etc. That said: I’ve used most of these and found them useful, I thought you might, too. Have fun!

Youtube channels with free video lessons:

There are tons of wonderful teachers on youtube; this is by no means an exhaustive list. The three channels listed here are comprehensive, long-running, and updated regularly; if you have other favourites, please reblog and append!

Comprehensible Thai is a channel that teaches Thai in Thai, from zero, via the comprehensible input method. They have videos from total beginner through upper intermediate/lower advanced levels available.

Learn Thai with Mod – Mod runs a language school that offers good, structured group classes; she and her co-teachers often upload short videos about specific aspects of Thai. The channel has been around for a long time and they cover a lot of topics, including grammar points.

Thai Lessons by New (Learn Thai one Word one Sentence) – lots of good vocabulary and situational phrases

Other channels I like:

Advanced Thai with Kruu Momm -- one of my favourites, Momm’s a star. Not included in the upper list only because this is definitely more of an intermediate-advanced resource.

Thai with Grace -- I knew of Grace via her polyglot channel and travel vlogs before I realised she also teaches Thai. Fun stuff.

Kat talks Thai -- I believe Kat is more active on instagram (@kattalksthai), but these are still really neat.

Perth Nakhun’s Basic Thai playlist

Honourable mentions because they’re interesting and can be nice supplements (yes, the video titles on these channels tend to be clickbaity, the content is useful, though):

Stu Jay Raj: Stu is a polyglot based in Thailand. His channel is a bit of a mixed bag, but he has a very interesting approach to languages and sometimes does foreign accent reduction / accent analysis sessions on his channel (with consent and participation of those whose speech he dissects).

Thai Talk with Paddy: Paddy is an Australian who learned Thai when he was a volunteer in Thailand, he’s kept it up. Fun things about language learning and culture

Listening comprehension

I’m assuming many folks on here who are interested in Thai already watch some Thai shows (yes I’m stereotyping but also this is tumblr), which means you’re spending time listening to Thai.

If you’re not:

Netflix, Youtube, WeTV, and Viki all have several Thai shows with English subtitles available. The Youtube channel of Thai broadcasting giant GMMTV has English subtitles on nearly all of their uploaded series, some series are also subtitled in languages other than English. one31 is another huge channel; they have English subtitles on some series and some series also have subtitles in Thai. There’s tons more – find a rec list and a Thai show that sounds like you’d enjoy it, chances are you’ll be able to watch it for free, legally, on youtube. You can use the youtube controls (or the ones on netflix) to turn the speed down to 75% —this can make it a lot easier to catch what’s being said. 50% gets so draggy that I personally find it almost harder to understand, but ymmv—give it a shot!

https://lingopolo.org/thai/ has real-life recordings for listening practice; sign-up is required but it’s literally just an e-mail-address, user name and password. Using the site is free.

https://www.activethai.com/ has a section dedicated to learning the tones (under “Overview of Thai Tones”) including a self-test for listening that I found very useful.

Learning to read

I will always, always, ALWAYS recommend learning to read the Thai script. All available romanisations for Thai have drawbacks, and besides, you learned to read English with its “though through thorough tough thought”, you can damn well learn to read Thai. I promise it will help you improve your pronunciation (yes, really) and overall understanding of how the language works.

Learn-to-Read-Thai resources that seem comprehensive and like they should do everything in one:

Anki decks “Read Thai PHASE 1 - The Consonants“, “Read Thai PHASE 2 - Thai Vowels“, “Read Thai PHASE 3 - Consonant Classes” and “Read Thai PHASE 4 - Tone Rules” by Khruu Gaan (ครูกานต์). Anki is probably the most powerful spaced repetition software I have ever used. It’s free on all desktops and android. These decks have sound.

Memrise course “Read Thai: A Complete Guide to Reading Thai“

Other resources I used (In hindsight, I feel like I should’ve picked one resource to learn to read from and stuck with it; I think I was rushing and made things more complicated than need be for myself with my hodgepodge mix-and-match approach. But hey, I can read now.)

https://www.activethai.com/ – the site I started with. Teaches the consonants separated by class and with sound. The only reason this is no longer my top recommendation is that I ended up using this alongside a resource that helped me memorise what the words used to represent the letters actually mean because the site itself didn’t tell me, and I wanted that easy way to have 44 vocabulary words ready as soon as you’re done learning your consonants, and it gives you access to neat mnemonics such as ไก่จิกเด็กตาย(เฎ็กฏาย)บนปากโอ่ง.

The chart on Wikipedia’s English article on the Thai Script

the reference section of Thai-Language.com

In order to better learn to read Thai written in different fonts (modern and handwriting fonts can be tough at first), the Thai Script typographical styles overview on Thai-language.com was a huge help, as was throwing simple phrases things into gdocs and messing around to see how different fonts made them look. This chart from sanukmaak.com also helped.

Speaking and pronunciation

The hardest one for any new language for most folks. For me personally, finding someone who speaks the language and is willing to correct me was an absolute necessity, but I know that’s not always an option. If you’re going it on your own, make sure you check out the resources above for learning to hear the tones and those sounds and sound clusters not present in your own language correctly first.

Things to try on your own:

shadowing: Whenever someone on a show utters a sentence you think might be useful, or provide a useful pattern, or something just sounds cool, rewind and try to speak along as they say it, trying to make it sound as close to their pronunciation as you can.

try to record yourself and listen back -- yes, it’s cringe af but it will HELP.

memorising short sentences and phrases: tying back to the section above, there's a ton of youtube videos that is "phrases to use in [situation]" that are great for targeted learning if you're up for it

self talk (cautiously! don't want to cement bad pronunciation habits)

if you’re linguistically inclined: looking up descriptions on how to make a sound correctly sometimes helps, as does watching videos of folks who’ve successfully learned the language.

once you’ve learned to read: find sentences to read somewhere (twitter, a textbook, whatever) and read them into your phone’s dictation engine. See if the software understands you correctly. Adjust as needed until it does.

Websites and apps to find language partners or (paid) tutors

Like any other app where you ‘meet people’, please exercise caution on these.

italki (mainly for finding tutors and teachers, but you can find language partners on the forums)

Preply (web/app) (for finding tutors/teachers)

hellotalk (app only, iOS/android) for finding language partners -- free to use basic features like messaging, voice rooms, etc; has annoying ads

tandem (app only, iOS/android) for finding language partners -- free to use basic features, has ads

any other app or website that’ll let you meet people, like local facebook groups (yes really), instagram, etc

(note: Neither hellotalk nor tandem allow users to sign up without selecting a binary gender. it sucks. I’ve seen people who managed to circumvent this on Hellotalk by signing up via apple ID (? I think), but it’s hearsay and I have not managed to do so myself.)

Books (a book) that are (is) worth spending money on imo

Higbie & Thinsan: Thai Reference Grammar. The Structure of Spoken Thai. Orchid Press: Bangkok, 2002. Yes, it’s ancient in textbook terms. It’s not perfect, but it’s still the best reference grammar for Thai I’ve come across so far, and I use it frequently.

Random bits and bobs

Stu Jay Raj has two videos in particular that I, as a phonetics-and-phonology-loving person, loved and found extremely useful and wished I’d watched before I started to try and learn the script: Thai Vowels for Dummies in 5 Min v2 - A System Impossible to Forget and Thai Bites Extended Edition - Transliterating Thai using IPA. I realise these may be overwhelming and less helpful for people with no prior phonetics or phonology training, but they helped me so much it’d feel amiss not to include them.

Resources I recommend AGAINST using when starting out

drops/hello words -- seems like their Thai courses have been created using machine translation that wasn’t sufficiently proofread. They will assign you nouns in places of the corresponding verb or false cognates, and that’s within the first 10 or so lessons. Might be useful once the level where a learner can tell “ah, yeah, that’s … not right” has been reached? idk.

transcription as generated by google translate: BURN IT WITH FIRE. it’s a transliteration, i.e. 1-to-1 representation of 1 Thai letter = 1 Latin letter (extended), it’s not phonemic, it’s not going to help ANYONE (and those who can make sense of it presumably already read Thai and would be better off with just Thai script). Just. Stop.

Google translate as a dictionary: still shitty but not AS bad as the transcription function. Still, for the love of all that you hold dear, please, save yourself the pain and confusion and just use thai2english or thai-language.com instead.

---

And that’s that from me, friends. Yeeting this into the void before I second-guess myself more. Please append additional resources!

Edited to fix a couple of typos and errors on 2023-06-15

[twig-tea]

10[ish] BL Boys People I Want Carnally

Tagged by @bengiyo who knows I am bad at short lists but also went over 10 on his own list, so everyone should just...not count as you scroll lol. Also warning that in the spirit of this tag game I am probably thirstier here than I've ever been on this site so if that isn't your jam, just scroll along!

BL characters who I absolutely Would, if given a chance (no homewrecking, we're playing by the rules of no-strings-no-relationship-just-getting-wrecked).

Mawin (Ingredients the Series)

Is it cheating to choose a character who basically is Jeff Satur? Maybe. But he's a musician with strong hands and emo hair and I am weak.

Dr. Jedi (Oxygen the Series)

I know we all blocked the doctor subplot from our minds. But this man was quiet, caring, and thirsting for years, he's got some pent-up aggression to get out and I volunteer as tribute. Also he's both extremely competent and a sad boi, two qualities I find very attractive. And that spiky hair is begging to be pulled.

Choi Yu Na (Semantic Error)

While the boys were running around being their messy selves, Yu Na was being a calm, competent, bisexual queen. The embodiment of "do I want to do her or be her", but in this case the answer is definitely both. Guh. I legitimately can't sentence when she's on the screen.

Gumpa (Not Me the series)

This show is of course filled with attractive men. But only one of them has built a found family and resistance group in his garage and was the only one who knew White wasn't Black, and look we've already established that competence is a kink of mine.

Namo (Not Me the series)

Ok but also Namo was smart enough to Not Get Involved, and she was artistic, and also gave off a kind of sad boi energy, and goddd her style in this. She wouldn't even need to do anything except let me worship her, I would do all the work.

Naruse Ryu (Ossan's Love: In the Sky)

Controversial but NGL one of the troubles I had with this AU S2 was that Naruse was so attractive I just wanted him to get laid and be happy. He's a competent, beautiful, confident, slightly bratty sad boi who isn't afraid to put you where he wants you; we could have fun.

YoonWon (The Eighth Sense)

This woman holds together the whole swim club, casually drinks everyone under the table, and gets her man, all while taking absolutely nothing seriously for most of the show. She can get me first.

Tua Phee (Dear Doctor, I'm Coming For Soul)

Tall, brooding, competent, caring, sad boi....clearly I have a type. Plus, he literally disappears, guaranteeing no complications.

In (180 Degrees Longitude)

OK YES I SEE A THEME [Note: Wang could also get it but I don't know if I could match his energy. In, on the other hand, this man looks like he jackhammers until you're done and then stares at a wall].

Yamato Kumai (Restart Tadaima no Ato De)

Please, no wonder Mitsuomi saw him and immediately latched on like a limpet. He's just the right amount of listless that he'd be down for whatever, but not enough that he wouldn't get into it.

Maya (Laws of Attraction)

The choice between Rose and Maya was EXCRUCIATING but while both could step on me, Maya would also let me step on them and I am nothing if not verse. Also the tattoos! And again do I need to repeat: Musicians have strong fingers.

Sunny (Our Dating Sim)

Extremely queer-coded, quiet, competent, tall, sad boi energy, would definitely tell me what she wants and expect that I meet her standards.

Kim (Diary of Tootsies)

NGL I love Natty in this show but she got elbowed out of the way by this man. We know from the show he has game, and we've already established I'm here for verse behaviour. Let's all ignore that he also has floppy hair.

Jay (Discipline Z: Vampire)

This was a close call with Ji Han (tall, floppy dark hair, sad boi, competent, we all know the drill by now) but in my heart of hearts honesty, when I think of Jay in her giant boots and her hacking skills I drool a little.

Daisy (Secret Crush on You)

I admit I don't usually prefer the 'innocence ready to be moulded' as a thing, but Daisy walks that confident/lack of confidence line so well that I think once they were comfortable we'd have fun and they could use me for practice all they want. [This is one in particular where I would 100% be down for a threesome. These two would not let you feel like a third wheel!]

Nawin (Laws of Attraction)

This is the man who defies all my rules and in breaking them is extremely hot. He's unhinged. He's massively entitled. He's baby. He's exactly the type to get obsessed after a one night stand. He's not particularly effective. AND YET. When he runs on screen covered in blood, wearing bloody knuckles, with a massive dorky grin on his face? Everything in me said IN ME (at least he has floppy hair, I am still predictable in one way).

ALRIGHT I'M STOPPING THERE.

tagging @wen-kexing-apologist @sorry-bonebag; @sparklyeyedhimbo; @respectthepetty; @isaksbestpillow; @slayerkitty; @wanderlust-in-my-soul

[jungle-angel]

Random Salem's Lot Headcannons: Part 1 (Ben Mears x Reader)

Warnings: Parenthood, communal living, mentions of child abuse etc.

Notes: I did include two separate versions of Dr. Cody in these. In this universe, I have the movie version as a relative of Jimmy Cody (haven't decided between sister-in-law or aunt)

Tagging: @floydsmuse @attapullman @lewinblue @rhettabbotts

You and Ben decided that with all the vampires and monsters running amuck all over the lot, you guys would need to form a coven of monster hunters

Everybody pulled their money together and decided that after you guys got back from your honeymoon, they'd buy the house

You and Ben spent a full week up in Boothbay Harbor after you got married and by the time you got back, the guys had already bought the house

But ya'll were NOT expecting the house to be a giant fixer-upper

The first clues should have been all the memes that Matt Burke and Mike Ryerson were sending you guys, joking about how the rats were bigger than their heads, the stacks of leftover porn in the closets, the weird tentacled creature coming out of the toilet (no seriously, Father Callahan ran out of the house one day yelling about how the toilet needed an exorcism)

It took you guys until the beginning of September to be able to fix that place up. Whoever said fixing a gigantic Victorian house at the end of the street would be easy was a dirty liar

You and Ben moved in first as soon as it was done. You guys had officially adopted Mark Petrie and Randy McDougal the week before so they already had their rooms ready. Mark literally has shelf after shelf in his room filled with books. Randy was only two months old when he was taken away from his birth parents and placed with you and Ben, but Mark loves having him for a little brother (Randy's nursery was in one of the rooms that had no windows just for safety reasons)

Father Callahan moved in some weeks later. He was still the priest at St. Andrew's but Mrs. Curless was driving him nuts and he didn't wanna deal with it anymore. He's awesome around the house but under no circumstances is this man allowed to make a Manhattan while he's cooking dinner

Matt Burke was the next familiar face to move in. He just randomly showed up one day with milk crates full of books, cassette tapes and rock n' roll records

Mike Ryerson moved in after his asshat of a landlord jilted him on his rent. His first words as he walked in the door were "he asks me for rent one more time and my foot's going inside him!!!" (lol)

Jimmy and Jennifer Cody moved in not even a week after Mike. The hospital had to cut a bunch of people's pay but they were more than happy to pay whatever they could for rent, but you and Ben wouldn't have it

Bonnie Sawyer and Corey Bryant were next. Reggie had gotten arrested and had to sign the divorce papers while he was serving his jail sentence, leaving Corey and Bonney to be together. Mabel Wertz, Nolly Gardiner and Parking Gillespie were the last three to move in

You guys will all team up together and go out on late night hunts on the weekends. As soon as Mark's done with his homework, you guys will gear up and head out into the woods. Ben will carry Randy on his back and everybody has a cooler bag with their dinner in it

There was a huge, hairy creature living in the woods that was attracted to loud noises so any opportunity to attract it, the guys took it. You guys all sang along to "No Diggity" by Blackstreet (damn Father Callahan and Ben can both rap like CRAZY) and the creature came loafing right out of the trees. Don't worry, he's friendly

To Be Continued in Pt. 2

[thevanillerose]

MEMORY | 9S x 2B | NIER:AUTOMATA

~ WRITING COMMISSIONS ~ ~ PATREON ~ ~ KO-FI ~ ~ NOVELS ~

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not own anything except my own writing. All properties belong to their respective creators.

“The black box...it's ready.”

How did things come to this? 2B looked up at her silver-haired companion, whose artificial face was already littered with crude nicks and slight smears of black oil. The air was damp, carrying with it the smell of the sea that surrounded them.

And it wasn't the only thing that surrounded them. On all sides, great mechanical beasts stood. Rusty, giant, sentient oil rigs. Goliaths They had been sent to track down one. They had been confronted by four. Three now remained, steadily walking closer, shifting slowly through the grey waves below in order to reach them and growling as they did so.

This is it. She took a breath. There was no other way out of this besides doing what 9S had just suggested. If they detonated their black boxes then the Goliaths would get caught up in the blast, and they would be destroyed too. Technically...their mission would be a success.

However... However, it was unlikely that they themselves would survive. Impossible actually. They would be at the heart of it when it happened. If the blast had enough of a radius to annihilate the massive robots around them, then it would completely obliterate that which was right next to it. And that would be...the two of them.

Death was an interesting concept to consider. For androids it was different of course. Not only did they lack the same emotions and considerations that humans had, but they also had a back up. Literally. Their memories, their bodies, all of it could be restored if necessary, provided it had been prepared in advance. Which it had been.

If they 'died' here, they'd just come back again up at The Bunker. Really, it was nothing. But still...

Grunting, and letting out a strained cough which he stealthily covered with one slightly shaking, black gloved hand, 9S held his box up with the other. “...Right.” 2B brought forth her own.

“Requesting...destruction of enemy hostiles via black-box-” 9S stopped. He didn't finish his sentence. Something made him stop. Something made him choke. “9S?” 2B questioned, a little 'panic' rising in her throat. Looking around quickly she could see that those malevolent robots were only drawing closer and closer. “-We don't have much time.” she stressed, though kept her voice level. Shouting, worrying...it would be wasted effort in a scenario like this.

“I...I know.” 9S tried to speak again, but he was unable. “Initiate...re...”

“9S...”

Why am I hesitating? I should have been prepared for this. The male android gripped the slightly textured cube even tighter in his hand. He'd taken the necessary precautions. What was most important was that 2B's own memories were backed up. Sure, she'd be wiped out down here, but up there she'd come back and it would practically be like nothing happened. She'd miss a few minutes at worst. However, in his case it wasn't quite the same.

Sure. YoRHa had his model on hand. Yes...he'd come back. And yes, memories would be there too.

But he wouldn't be the same.

This was so silly. It was just a simple, singular memory. In the long run it would do little to benefit him. It certainly wouldn't help him become a more capable unit. Yet why did he feel so protective of it?

That little moment they'd had...together...

…

“Look at this place, 9S.” “...Wow...it's...breathtaking...”

Melancholy. If any word could sum up the sight before them succinctly, it would be 'melancholy'. The Earth...abandoned, broken, overgrown. Yet strangely beautiful in its own damaged way. Once grand skyscrapers now lay toppled like grey mottled dominoes, their windows spilling with lush green vines that grew and trailed down to the moss ridden ground. The sky above was a sad sort of blue, slightly clouded. The air was warm yet the city felt so empty...

Just the two of them, standing there atop one of the many abandoned buildings, taking in the grand sight before themselves. 9S didn't feel so lonely with 2B standing there next to him. He ought to never feel lonely at all given what he was, but the feeling still came and went.

Colorless eyes scanning the scenery behind a shadow, they settled upon something that most would consider rather small and insignificant, but to him stood out. Perhaps it was because it had such vibrant color. The flower's petals were a bright shade of magenta, which contrasted starkly with the cracked gray ground it was growing from. Curiously, 9S approached, crouching down and examining the plant.

He pulled it free from the soil and held it between his fingers, staring at it for a moment. Those same seemingly cold eyes then drifted over to the girl who stood at the opposite end of the rooftop, no doubt already making plans in her head for how to scout this area. 2B almost looked picturesque in her own way, her slender, stern figure standing there against a canvas of greys and blues.

With resolve on the mind, 9S straightened up again and walked over to the girl, taking her hand and giving her the flower without any alert. 2B didn't jolt, but she did look at him through her combat visor, and noted the little gift he had given her. Though she didn't assume it was a gift at first, when she raised it to her eyeline and gave it a good examination. Glancing at him again, 2B questioned:

“Do you want this to be submitted for analysis?” “No it's...” 9S trailed off. If that were the case then he'd have looked into it himself.

“-It's a present.” “A present?”

2B spoke the word as if it were foreign to her, even though she of course knew what it meant. She was an android, not an alien. However, androids had little use for 'presents', certainly when they were programmed to do missions and little else. Though 2B didn't reject it. Instead, she drew the little offering to her chest and held it there for a while, raising her head again and looking out over the city once more.

It was a simple gesture. 2B chose to keep it, but perhaps she had only done so out of politeness. Still. It meant something to him.

…

The last time I backed up my memories...was before that happened. There's no time now...

“9S-” “I'm fine.”

He tilted his own box towards hers, shifting a little closer to his fellow android. “Requesting destruction of enemy hostiles...via black-box reaction.”

“...Request accepted.”

Like my writing? I can write for you! Check out my WRITING COMMISSIONS!

[aussiellama]

Harper, writing in her diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.

Harper: I failed my safety training course today.

Quinni : Why, what happened?

Harper: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?"

Quinni : And?

Harper: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.

Ant: Are you busy?

Harper: Yes.

Ant: Cool, listen to this

Ant: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this.

Spider: What did you do Anthony?

Ant: a Mistake

Harper: *looks over Ant’s shoulder at their laptop* What the fuck?

Ant: *slams screen shut* It’s just research! For something I’m writing about! I swear that’s it!

Harper: Why the hell would that involve the breeding habits of frogs?

Ant: It’s not just “frogs”, it’s the Surinam Toad. And it’s not “breeding habits”, it’s how they raise their young. This is important information my audience needs to know!

Harper: That doesn’t change the fact this is for one line in a fanfiction.

Ant, offendedly: You don’t know that!

Harper: I hear no denial.

Harper: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.

Ant: We could attack them with hummus.

Harper: I stand corrected.

Ant: Just keeping things in perspective.

Ant: I love murder mysteries!

Spider , trying to impress them: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

Ant: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.

Spider : Aren't you forgetting something?

Ant: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Spider 's forehead before running out.*

Spider : No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

Spider : I need a long word.

Ant: T-rex but the long one.

Ant: Can I ask you for a favor?

Spider : I would literally die for you, but continue.

Ant: We need to talk about you starting sentences that way.

[roomwithanopenfire]

Six Sentence Sunday

Thanks for the tags @monbons and @you-remind-me-of-the-babe!!

I have two weeks left of school now and I'm so ready to be done and have more time for writing. I was going to write yesterday but instead I made two fan edits, which took the entire day, but was fun! The real reason we need a Carry On movie is so I could make fan edits of them. Imagine them to literally any Hozier song.

I've written maybe 400 words this whole week, but I'll still be posting the next chapter of Proof of Life tomorrow. It's the first one in Simon's POV. Here's a snippet (below the cut for mild spoilers for the first four chapters)

Where is he? Why didn’t he come back to Watford? Doesn’t he know that it’s driving me crazy?

I pull at my hair. He probably is just plotting, I remind myself. 

We’ll track our way to Baz and find him taming some giant beast to kill me. Or maybe he’ll be with the Humdrum, and it’ll turn out that Baz has been working with him the whole time.

We’ll find him, and I’ll feel stupid about having ever worried in the first place.

“You were worried about me?” Baz will tease in his usual condescending way. He’ll sneer at me. “You should spend more time being worried for yourself.”

Then he’ll finally snap and drink my blood.

Having a lot of fun posting this fic, but I'm def falling behind in editing. I'll probably have to take a posting break sometime soon. But not yet. I need the serotonin from the comments to get me through finals week.

Tags + Hellos!

@run-for-chamo-miles @facewithoutheart @raenestee @onepintobean @noblecorgi

@artsyunderstudy @angelsfalling16 @thewholelemon @shrekgogurt @brendughh

@a-maisie-ng @hertragedyconnoisseur @beastmonstertitan @valeffelees @horsesarenotdeer

@drowninginships @supercutedinosaurs

[muppetjackrackham]

Omg I love Dan Stevens and he did that other movie where he played a psycho creep and I am a giant chicken about anything scary so imagine my surprise when he was so good in it and so sexy that I actually felt uncomfortable with how much I couldn’t stop watching it.

All of the above is true. But also just wanted to share a massive run on sentence with you because… lion. 🫶🏼

MJ LISTEN TO ME. listen. the grip this man had on me is rivaled EXCLUSIVELY by austin butler. i went to go see abigail earlier this year and that man went and one-upped david tennant returning to doctor who as a hot old man bY PLAYING. A NASTY LITTLE FREAK BOY VAMPIRE. he's one of the best actors of his generation with an insane amount of range (including one of marvel's best ever television shows that most people don't even know about because it was on FX) he's an absolute delight of a human being and he drives me absolutely fucking insane. i literally watched downton abbey because of that man (which i actually enjoyed a lot more than i thought i would but i specifically watched it because of him). say what u will abt the disney live action adaptations but i will always have a soft spot for beauty and the beast for introducing me to him and he has remained one of my all time actors ever since.

[cinnabon-sweetroll-tiramisu]

The story of how Mordred called Merlin mom and then proceeded to call Arthur dad and now he's adopted into the family – part 2

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"Sire, the outer walls need repairs but I believe a new design for better structure and materials..."

Mordred had stopped listening an hour ago, he noticed he wasn't the only one as he saw Sir Gwaine wiggling his eyebrows at Sir Elyan who was trying not to snort at Sir Gwaine's ridiculous facial; Sir Lancelot seemed to be one of the few attentively listening when the conversation was interrupted by the King.

"Sir Mordred, what are your thoughts of bridging the gap between Camelot and the druids?"

'What...? When did the topic change?! I should've paid attention!'

King Arthur stared expectantly at him, they all did even Merlin which at this moment made him nervous and just a tiny bit giddy of receiving his Lord's attention that he was bound to say something stupid.

He did in fact, said something stupid.

And utterly embarrassing that he yearned for a hole to magically appear and swallow him up.

"I believe Momlin, I mean mum, er no, uh Merlin can help because we druids would follow Emrys...did I say I'm a druid?"

King Arthur's eyes widened in surprise and as Mordred took a quick peek at Merlin, he saw how much paler his lord looked.

'Oh Goddess this is my fault! I've ruined everything!'

"Mom I'm so sorry. I meant Merlin, I didn't mean to say mom but it's a habit now, an internal one." He nervously chuckled.

Mordred could hear Sir Gwaine laughing probably, maybe he could help Sir Leon tomorrow provided he doesn't die from embarrassment or thrown in the dungeons perhaps.

Of course he's digging his own grave.

Hands clenching he blurted out more treasonous words.

"Forgive me mum—Merlin—Emrys my lord! It's just your magic is beautiful—"

Percival the gentle giant whispered sincerely to Gwaine, "I never knew Mordred was Merlin's son, Merlin must've had him at a young age."

Gwaine loving the drama added his own to it.

"I knew Merlin had experience in being a mother. How else would he have survived years being Arthur's manservant? Aren't mothers great!"

Gwaine grinned and relaxed in his chair, this roundtable meeting has turned out to be unbelievably interesting and enjoyable.

Elyan pitched forward, voice soft and curious.

"Since when did Merlin have magic? Is that how he gave birth to Mordred?"

Mordred prayed for a miracle or for something to shut himself up from blurting out more ridiculous sentences; he would also appreciate it if someone could stop the knights from theorising whether Merlin was his mother or not.

Because that would be impossible. Maybe. Who knows? Magic is natural and weird.

"—which in turn brings out your ethereal beauty, not that I'm flirting with you because that would wrong when I see you as a mom and uh..."

'ABORT! ABORT! STOP!' His brain tries to tell him however his mouth is running on automatic.

"Sir Mordred—" Arthur began to speak when Mordred turned to look stiffly at his King before words rushed out of his unreliable lips.

"Sorry dad...Er I meant—"

'WHAT IN THE AVALON POSSESSED HIM TO SAY THAT!?'

Mordred felt sick.

Literally he wanted to vomit out his guts because first he called Emrys his mother than outed himself as a druid and pretty much told everyone at the roundtable about Merlin's magic! Then he called the King, Arthur Pendragon, his father...in what realm of unfortunate situations and unbelievable events made him call the King his dad!?

He has to do something to salvage the situation and hopefully in Emrys eyes he could be forgiven, maybe King Arthur would forgive both of them.

'Think Mordred, think! What can I do to change this around!?'

For obvious reasons, Mordred's brain refused to think, therefore it spewed out whatever thought was in his mind at that very moment and vocalised it to the world, or at least to just everyone sitting round the table.

"I AM A SORCERER!"

♤To be continued♤

Part 1