#literally foaming at the mouth over how 7 year old me just

[carmineskiesandspidereyes]

N O .

[speakofthedebbie]

you (read: i) asked so you shall recieve: radioapple fic recs august 2024 update!!

the following are the ones from the last post w/some minor changes (think: misspellings and even more osas praising) (sorry for the re-tags!!):

Bedtime Rituals to Try out Before the Next Angelic War by @miribalis

just yes. thousand times yes. so basically my boy luci has some sleep troubles and that somehow leads to a qpr with al look its been a while ok just read it

Managerial Liberties by the same fella

these two tags explain it pretty well

something that sticks out to me about this is that charlie is actually (reasonably) cold to adam and like. im actually surprised with how little ive seen that. i mean i dont think id be exactly buddy-buddy with my besties killer either. only 4 chaps as of writing but already looking to be a radioapple classic. has the same vibe as bedtime rituals, but it is NOT a sequel

devils don't fly (don't expect me not to fall) by @corgiss

also just yes. basically a really not cool joke evolves into a blossoming romance because why wouldnt it. (man if i had a nickel for every radioapple fic that had a masquerade that was sabotaged by the vees- *gets shot bc i cant mention osas yet*)

i’ll hold you close (i’ll stay the course) by the same fella

the entire time i was just going "yas king! put that egotistical flatscreen in his place!!". basically luci reminds the overlords who he is and vox shows he can be more of a threat than he lets on.

ykw fuck it just the entire series (i didnt mention i would give anything to not give a shit (but i do) and my perfect rock bottom (my beautiful trauma) because the first one sounded a lil too angsty and ive gotten enough of that from other sources [pointedly glares at Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love {also coming up later!}] and the second is (mostly) smut

Of Saints and Sinners by the forever amazing @morningstarwrites!! (if you see this i have a serious question: is this your first time ever writing a fic? because how do you get so much right the first time- [not even beginners luck could explain this level of skill])

if youre even half the radioapple fanatic i am and havent read this, literally what are you doing?? i could sing its praises until my death bed but ill hold off so i can explain whats happening. basically after burning down a meeting room several times, luci and al make a deal ("not a deal!", luci laments to the void): they will attempt to be civil and maybe even friendly, with some daily compliments sprinkled along the way, and by the end luci will owe al a favour. whats the favour? read it yourself dammit! seriously, 10/10, i foam at the mouth every friday

Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love by Starlit_Rainfall (no tumblr in sight, so AO3) (i. urgfgh. what happened. i was just smiling over the fluff while crossing to go to school. where did it go. where did it gooooo)

if thats anything to go by, the last few chapters have been rough. the fluff feels so far away that i cant even explain what happens. luci was waxing poetic about swimming in maple syrup for al, i remember that much. lilith is particularly an asshole even tho we havent seen her yet (or maybe we have. idr, mightve chatted with al) also emily is there (fallen) and has a lil smth to do with als and liliths deal. if you read it, warning for the gut punch of angst that starts chap 32 "She/Her" (though the chapter before that, "Should Alastor Know By Now?" ends pretty rough too)

Freely We Serve by @romanaxe

i dont remember how i managed to stumble upon this but im having a great time. basically alastor is a new sinner fresh in hell (but time doesnt matter and the whole cast is still here) and thinks "what better way to gain power than be the personal assistant of the heartbroken king of hell!" features a 6-7 (rosies words) year old charlie and a morally dubious lilith (also i loved eepy al X3)

A Family Forged in Hellfire by Green_Ghostwriter (once again, no Tumblr, so AO3)

this ones a bit newer (10 chaps), is so far mostly exposition and the slowburn pot hasnt even been put on the stove, but as just a hazbin fic in general i see the potential. basically its a 1920s(30s?) au where heaven decides little charlie doesnt deserve to be raised in hell and is sent to earth with a "foster" family where her actions in life will determine witch realm she will return to after death. her "parents", al and mimzy, are given false memories so they can claim the girl as their own and gee i wasnt kidding when i said it was a lot of exposition. erm honestly explaining anymore would tech be spoiling so go read it!!

The Red Thread That Binds Us by @scun-gilli

{{future me prefacing this by saying i have no idea where i was going with yesterdays thought process, all you need to know from it was im on chapter 27. also scungilli your comment is making me very worried 😟 well theres no mcd tag so im sure itll fine, right? RIGHT, SCUNGILLI??}}

basically its a king x kings guard au where al and luci grow up together and only grow closer after a. certain life event for al (its fine guys trust :)) [she said, like a liar]) then al is sent off for royal guard training school (ik its not called that i forgor 😭) but dw he comes back. just watch out for graphic depictions of injuries (i think thats this fic) angst and a sneaky eve bc radioapple fics are allergic to happiness (or maybe im not looking hard enough lol) (also im really tempted to make the friendship bracelets they had 👀)

somewhere down the line by kj_crwm (AO3 link)

this one starts off as human!alastor/lucifer but by the middle(?) its just regular radioapple. basically al is encountered by luci while finishing off a job who agrees to keep quiet. luci just keeps on showing up, reveals hes the devil to which al us just like "lol ok" and eventually they get in a relationship (ooh lala 👀) but they break up after saying some hurtful things to each other (oh nono 👀) with luci promising al they will never cross paths again. if you watched the show then well. you know that doesnt happen 😂 most human!al radioapple have al summon him (no hate to them) so this was an interesting change of pace

new recs below!! ↓↓

Alastor and Lucifer do whatever the Hell this is (series) by Vagabond_Sloth (personally asked, no Tumblr, but they might make one 👀)

i know this is radioapple fic rec post but... *cough* Husk and Angel do a Romance for some soft huskerdust *cough* anyway- basically, a perplexing flower arrangement leads to a blossoming something between the resident radio demon and king of hell. seriously, its some good shit, and the author is really nice!

A Compliment A Day by @decembercamiecherries

spinning this around in my head at all times

basically, a classic "charlie makes al and luci compliment each other as a bonding excessive" but it does not disappoint (check out her other three radioapple fics too)

a lovely night (lalaland is that you??) and pancakes, small talk by @mirotic_chess (X Twitter account)

in a lovely night they do a lil dancey dancey and in pancakes, small talk luci makes some pancakes!!

Sin and Sentiment and Time On My Hands by demon_fawn (supposed Tumblr leads to a dead end)

oh my god future debs here and i am so fucking tired of doing these descriptions but. um. the plot for sin and sentiment def seems very interesting and time on my hands is an incomplete (but good!) attempt at radioapple week. hmm not sure if they still post bc the most recent update was july 12th

honestly just every radioapple fic by @otoshigo (i think ive read all but Forbidden Fruit of the Poisonous Tree)

if you look underneath the little island that is radioapple, on god otoshigo is one of the creators holding it up. all 19 (yes, 19. we eatin good tonight [excluding forbidden fruit]) of their radioapple fics are fantastic, buuut if i had to recommend anything specific: A Guide to the Care and Maintenance of the King of Hell (fuck count furfur!) and The Devil's Trip to the Big Apple

not to continue the trend, but basically anything by @thief-of-eggs (even the singular huskerdust) but personal recommendations: Trust and Hair Pets and Let Me Be Your Shelter (sickfics 🔛🔝)

idk if youll catch me doing the descriptions for these anymore shit was exhausting

tagging time!!!! (i want to end it all)

[katytheinspiredworkaholic]

do you have any opinions/headcanons about hotch with tattoos? would he have a few tattoos or like a full sleeve? and would they be the classic black and white ink tattoos or would there be colour? maybe even just a dash of colour for a specific tattoo, and if so which tattoo? what would the tattoos mean, if anything?

<33

I have been thinking about Hotch with tattoos non-stop lately, and it's all @goobzoop 's fault and I love them for it. Because I know it's been brought up a few times that although we all know Hotch is straight-laced and professional and realistically probably doesn't have any tattoos at all, or if he does they are lettering/minimalist with very specific meanings. But MY hc is that when he was younger, he head a rebellious streak a mile wide and he would most definitely be in a tattoo shop the moment he was old enough to get one. Just to spite his father, and to get something for himself.

I've had a lot of thoughts over the past few months about what he would have and where they would be on his body, and right now -- I can't think of them at all. Except for this one discussion I had where I imagined he had American Traditional Swallows on his hips on either side because that was such a cliché trendy thing during the 90's and he fucking would, but I also think he connects with some kind of bird imagery in a way as his first tattoo, because he was going to break away from this family's legacy and start a life all his own and never, ever have to go back. (Okay, apparently I remembered a little).

But every hc has been decimated by @goobzoop 's photo edits of Hotch with full tattoo sleeves on both arms. Y'all... I'm foaming at the mouth about this. In my head it fits and LET ME TELL YOU WHY

For those of you who are not aware of tattoo culture/history, there is a well known tradition of having tattoos precisely placed on the body so that they do not appear when wearing business attire. Made most famous by the Yakuza, (basically the Japanese mafia), who could have entire body suits tattooed onto their person (tattoos that cover every inch of their body), but the tattoos themselves stop right before the cuffs of their shirt sleeves, the collars of their suit jackets. So when dressed for work or in public no one would be any wiser to what lay beneath the layers of their tailored black clothing.

Hotch wears a full suit every day, rain or shine, winter or summer, Montana or Florida. Once he becomes Unit Chief, after Gideon leaves, he doesn't spend as much time outside work with his team. So the chances of them seeing him in anything else drops exponentially. How are they to know that, over the years, his original smattering of tattoos has grown and grown and grown until they completely covered his arms and shoulders. One in particular over his heart after Haley's death.

They would stop right before the cuffs of his dress shirts, nearly in a precise line as if the artist measured it and made a 'do not cross' line to guide by. And I think you also hit the nail on the head about the styles of tattoos he would have. Black and grey, 100%, some small pops of color here and there but nothing too bright or noticeable. He prefers heavy outlined styles: American Traditional, Illustrative, Letterwork, Japanese Traditional. Things that are prominent and withstand the test of time, less likely to warp and fade with age. And there's so many of them, they aren't a single planned piece but a collection that he's built upon for years. Goes to the same artist so it flows beautifully along the different planes and musculature of his body. And every singe one has meaning to him, and him alone. He probably has a few he would tell the meaning behind, if someone asked, but most are as private as he is, and you would have to be someone very close to him in a very intimate setting in order to get a fuller list of each image's story.

This is his thing. His one thing that's his and his alone. If you've never gotten a tattoo before, know that they are addicting. Whenever I get one I always end up getting two or three more within the following months. Hotch has just fallen into that cycle for years and years and just never gotten out of it.

But the idea that has me quite literally going feral? The image of the day he slips:

It's hot as hell. Humid as all get out. They are on a Florida case and Florida is the worst, everywhere they turn it's dead end after dead end and they are running out of time with the latest victim that's been abducted. The air conditioning is broken in the conference room they've been assigned, the rest of the precinct isn't any better, and it's over 100 degrees in the shade outside. His suit is drenched, he can't think straight he's burning up so much. Half the team left to grab food just to escape that room. So he takes off his jacket, his tie, unbuttoning the collar and then his cuffs. Rolling the sleeves up to his elbows and alleviating some of the stifling heat.

I'm biased so Reid sees the tattoos first, completely blanketing every inch of skin above Hotch's wrists, so beautifully and artfully condensed it almost looks like an under shirt -- and he has a mild bi/gay panic moment -- but ultimately doesn't say anything. Just... stares a lot. To the point he's not getting much work done, and Hotch has to sigh because he's not having this conversation and Reid probably doesn't want to either. They have an absurdly short talk about it that probably goes like this: "I have tattoos." "...I can see that." "Good. Glad that's out of the way. Can you start a Jeopardy Surface on the whereabouts of the latest victim, or did you have questions?" "No, sir." "Right answer."

The rest of the team would have words to say I'm sure, might tease him a bit about it, but he doesn't care. They're a part of his body and they are his and the fact the team has learned of their existence doesn't change a thing about that. The more condensed and intricate his collection gets, the more proud he is of them, to the point in season 7 where he's running the FBI triathlon in that black athletic tank top? Oh yeah, they can see everything.

Other than that, when on the job, he sticks to his suits.

Although he does get a little smug every time he surprises someone when he rolls up his sleeves.

--

@goobzoop 's photo edits HERE and HERE !!! They've done some Reid ones too 💕💕💕 I am inspired.

Thank you for the ask love 😘

[brideofcthulhu10]

Could you please do a lost boys scenario where s/o is babysitting overnight and the boys show up for some late night lovin 👀 please

Can do, my friend! First off I want to apologize to everyone right now for the slow in my posts, I’m literally pushing my way through a writers block right now, so I apologize if it comes out a little choppy. I am doing everything I can to make sure I can still push out at least one reply a day. I still have the childbirth post and the prejudice witches post in progress, so bear with me! Until then:

Lost Boys Visit Their Fem!S/O While Babysitting 

18+ CONTENT WARNING: Sexual Situations and Themes, Mild Offensive Language

David

Happy wasn’t exactly the word to describe the sour grimace your boyfriend made when you told him you wouldn’t be on the boardwalk for the weekend.

“What do you mean? You aren’t going anywhere, are you,” he asked, arms crossed. 

“Oh stop with the suspicions!” You rolled you eyes, stealing his cigarette from his mouth for a quick puff. “No, I’m not leaving Santa Carla. My aunt has to go on this dumb business trip and her sitter cancelled last minute. So, my mom volunteered me to watch my two younger cousins.”

David scrunched up his nose at the mention of you babysitting to little brats. So for an entire two and a half days he wouldn’t see you? 

“Well what am I going to do,” he asked, wrapping his arms around your waist. You giggled, blowing a small puff of smoke his way. 

“C’mon, you’ve had a few decades without me,” you teased, kissing him. “I’m sure you can handle two days with just the boys right?”

Apparently not. 

When you were dropped off with your aunt’s you were met with a barrage of foam bullets to the face. Cue several hours of trying to wrangle the twin boys to do ANYTHING other than bug you. Water balloons, nerf darts, stealing the phone out of your hand! Eventually you were tempted to spike their apple juice with sleeping pills, but after letting them devour a pizza and run outside like psychos, and finally they passed out on the couch. Now, the task of carrying two 8 year olds up a flight of stairs.

“I... hate.. my...life,” you huffed with both of them hanging off of you. The shorter one was grasping your hair until it was practically being yanked out of your scalp while the other drooled all over you. Too bad you couldn’t toss them in the back yard, the little animals! No, you laid them in their beds much to your frustration. Half awake you sighed, trudging back down the stairs for a quick snack before bed. 

Change of plans when you heard the familiar roar of a revving motorcycle, and you made a mad dash to lock the door. He better not show up tonight! If those twerps woke up you’d be in so much trouble, there’s was no about of bribes to keep them quiet! There wasn’t much of a point to locking him out, because as soon as you turned around there David was, lounging on the couch. 

“You are unbelievable,” you huffed, arms crossed. 

The vampire only shrugged, looking at you from the corner of his eye. “I got bored after we went hunting,” he sighed, laying back like a lazy cat. You wove through the living room over to him, and before you could even lecture him he yanked you down on top of him.

“David, come on! You are going to get me in so much trouble,” you whined, trying to sit up. “I promise on Monday I’ll make it up to you.”

David leaned his head back, pondering your offer. Another day of waiting? Pass.

“Tell you what, kitten,” he purred, lifting your chin. “I get to play with you, and I’ll go.”

Your entire face turned red. “Are you nuts,” you whisper-yell, smacking his chest. He simply shrugged, laying back again with you tightly grasped against him. “David, I am not-! What if they wake up?”

“Those are my terms, kitten. Take it or leave it.” 

His gloved hands ran over butt, kissing up the edges of your neck. He kept whispering sweet words in your ears sending chills throughout your body. From your backside he slid his fingers further rubbing at your entrance between your pants. You started to squirm, caught in his grasp as he turned your legs into jelly. “Okay.. j-just please keep quiet,” you beg. 

“It seems the only one making noise is you, baby,” David teased, lightly biting your neck. Teasing you was all fine and dandy, but he wanted to get to the meat of it. With one firm hand, he yanked your shorts off and raised you on top of his lap. It didn’t take long for him to thrust inside you, hands tightly grasping your wrists in place so he could watch you bouncing atop his lap. Your voice trembled, little whimpers escaping out no matter how hard you tried to stay silent.

 “Come now, we mustn’t wake the children,” he teased, rocking his hips against your own savoring those adorable little moans. He yanked you down onto his throbbing length, wrapping his hand behind the back of your neck and yanking you down again. You buried your face into his chest hoping it’d be enough to silence your moans. Again he slammed inside you until your eyes started rolling back, filling you with a rush of heat. Your thighs spasmed, still clinging to his shirt. David simply chuckled after reducing you to a panting mess, licking up the side of your neck. “Well, I guess I could wait a day for you to get off of babysitting duty.”

Dwayne 

A late night without you never was an option. When you told him you'd have to babysit your neighbor's five year old son, he immediately offered to join you. Now you weren't exactly supposed to have guests over, but you couldn't help but make an exception for him. Besides, bed time was at 7 o'clock anyway, you were certain he'd be asleep by the time Dwayne showed up. You weren’t exactly surprised when rather than knocking he just sort of appeared in the kitchen, but things didn't exactly go as planned. See, you had only met this boy maybe three times, he was either with his parents or off at daycare during weekdays. At neighborhood gatherings or barbecues you didn’t exactly interact with the younger kids, and any free time outside of that was spent with Dwayne and the other boys on the boardwalk. Sure, you had babysat kids before. It was the easiest way to scratch up some spending money. But your younger brother was nothing like this spaz! Even after a trip to the park, a bath, dinner and playtime he was still running around like he had been hopped up on sugar for the past two hours! Any time you told him to calm down he’d just tune you out or try to run away. Dwayne showing up was the first moment of peace you’d had since you came here, just plopping the tiny monster on the couch with a sippy cup of warm milk hoping that’d be enough to calm him down.

“I honestly don’t think that kid has heard the word ‘no’ before in his life,” you groaned at the table, trying to soothe your headache with a cup of coffee.

 Dwayne raised a brow, leaning over to see the tiny terror jumping up and down on the couch screaming the theme song to Transformers while it played on their television set. “Well you could always just put him in his room and lock the door until he passes out,” he suggested with a smirk, sliding into the chair beside you. 

You snickered, lightly elbowing him with your arm. “God I wish. Got any vampire secrets? You had to have had trouble getting Laddie to sleep at some point, right?”

“Well,” he started, leaning back in his chair with a hum to his tone. “There is one way, but you might not like it.”

“I’ll do anything to get that monster to sleep. Just.. don’t hurt him, kay?”

Dwayne chuckled and kissed beneath your ear, lightly nipping your earlobe. “Relax, I’m not gonna eat him or anything.When he slunk into the living room you peered around the corner watching him squat lower so he was looking right into the boys eyes. This was definitely the first time he had been still all night, just staring back while Dwayne whispered to him with gleaming red eyes. CLimbing down the little boy walked past you.

“Good night, Miss Y/N,” he mumbled softly, handing you his sippy cup before silently shuffling up the stairs to his room. You looked over at Dwayne with your mouth open in awe, setting the cup on the table as he waltzed into the kitchen. “Okay, you have to stay the night,” you insisted, leaning against the counter. “What even was that?”

“Just a trick David and I have picked up after a few decades.” He swept behind you with his chin resting on your shoulder, brushing his mouth over the crook of your neck. “Truthfully I could use it on you, but I find that your own will is far more preferable.”

“Well,” you began, slowly turning to face him. “Lucky me.”

You trailed your lips slowly across his, stealing away small pecks from him. Each kiss deepened into something more, his hands trailing up your waist until he firmly hoisted you onto the kitchen counter. His tongue traced over yours in spirals, massaging his hands over your butt with the other trailing up your shirt tracing over the tiny lace detailing in your bra. Chills ran down your neck as his fingers dipped into your bra playing gentle with your tender pink buds. You moaned into his mouth, barely able to catch your breath as you slung your arms around him, wrapping your legs around his waist. “Dwayne,” you moan softly, pressing your chest into his calloused palms. It was dizzying being under his thumb. He knew every curve of your body, every tender space that made you melt. Shedding your shirt you quickly kicked off your shorts, Dwayne lifting you up in his arms. You could hear his belt buckle clink against itself while he scooted your panties to the side. You’d think by now you’d be internally prepared for how he felt inside you, but every time he would stretch you further than before. Waves of heat burned your body, falling into his grasp becoming a moaning mess. You struggled to keep yourself quiet, crashing your lips into his. Those rough, heavy grunts he made drove you crazy, you knew what was coming the faster he groaned. He bucked into you, grasping your butt tightly slamming himself into you one last time. The sensation made you shriek, quickly he covered your mouth. There was an awkward silence that caused you both to laugh, kissing each other softly. “Well, I’m uh,” you panted out, still clinging to him “,..I still have a day and a half here...if you wanna stay with me… All I have to do is keep the curtains shut..”

Dwayne pondered your idea with a grin, smothering your cheek with sandpaper kisses. “I guess the guys won’t mind if I’m gone for a little longer.”

Paul 

“Forget it, Paul!”

You crossed your arms, your blonde vampire boyfriend on his knees still begging you to let him come with.

“Oh come on, babes,” he whined, hugging your leg. “You’ll be halfway across town for four days! I’ll never make it!”

“No way! Last time you came to my house my brother totally saw us in the pool,” You exclaimed, gathering up your jacket and purse. “Paul please, I promise when I get back we can fuck till the ocean dries up if it makes you happy. But my parents got really suspicious the last time my brother kept talking about me ‘wrestling with a lion’ in the pool. It took an hour for me to convince my dad I was trying to fish the neighborhood cat out of the jacuzzi and B/N just thought it was a lion because he was half-awake!”

Paul groaned, lifting you up into his arms and flopping onto the dusty old couches, hugging you tight. It certainly made you laugh, but you knew that your parents were leaving in an hour. “Uuuugh! Can’t you even say tonight, kitten? C’mon I’ll even skip the hunt tonight, just you and me baby girl.”

“I know you want me to stay babe, I do too. Trust me, I’d rather be out here with you guys,” you sigh, kissing up his neck until he slowly melted beneath you. Ironically his neck was always his weakness when you wanted him all buttered up. “But, I mean, my mom and dad leave in an hour, plus I gotta pick up something quick for dinner, and I promised I’d do laundry- plus I still have my biology project before summer finishes. Besides, it’s only a couple days right?”

“Yeah, a couple days without the most badass babe in Santa Carla,” he groaned, hoisting himself up trying to grab you before you got up. No luck this time. You dodged his grip and quickly stole a kiss from him.

“I’ll see you in a bit, babe. It’ll be over in no time,” you assured him. 

It had only been two hours since you left, and the entire time Paul was sulking on the exact same couch you both had been on. He jutted out his bottom lip in a pout, fiddling with the skull ring on his thumb you bought him last month. Marko did everything he could to cheer his buddy up. Beer, a bike ride, offering to go on a hunt! Anything!

 “C’mon man, it’s a few days! Let’s go terrorize the locals! Dwayne and David wanna head out too, dude! We can shred up a few losers and crash here after!”

Nope. Paul wasn’t in the mood, rolling over onto his stomach, face down on the couch.

“Blood tastes like sadness,” he whined, thumping his forehead on the cushions.

“This is ridiculous, just go to her already,” David spoke up, chucking a book at him.

“No way, man!” Paul sat up, ruffling up his blonde hair. “If Y/N catches me she’ll be pissed!”

Marko leaned on his buddy with a smirk. “Not if you use her weaknesses against her. C’mon man, we’ve seen you two.”

“Yeah man, she’s my weakness-”

“- And you, are definitely hers dude. Trust me.”

Paul paused for a moment, then a wicked grin spread across his face. 

Meanwhile, there you were cleaning up the dishes from dinner, your younger brother securely tucked in his room. This time you hid the cookies, just to be sure if he got up there would be nothing for him to stick his grubby little hands into. Well, it was 4 am, it was time to crash. You circled through the house checking all the locks and shut the curtains, and now it was time to head to your room. Up the stairs, to the left just past the guest room, stepping over your clothes and snatching a night dress. You paused, seeing the double extra large Warrant T-Shirt Paul bought you during last year’s concert. He found the perfect one, a “Cherry Pie” album art on the front with the back reading “She’s My Cherry Pie”. It was your favorite song from the album, and he started nicknaming you as such. You preferred one that was super huge, the perfect size for bedtime! With your own rock box on full blast you sang along to Def Leppard in the shower, unaware you had left your window wide open.

You waltzed out, turning off the music and throwing on your shirt and wiggling on a pair of leopard print panties. Your steps slowed once you stepped into your room, curtains blowing in the breeze

“Damn that looks good on you.”

You screamed, nearly falling back to see Paul leaning against your wall looking down at you. “Paul,” you hissed, smacking his arm when he laughed. “It is NOT funny, I told you that you couldn’t come over!”

“But I wanted to.” You expected it to come out whiny. But instead, he was firm. This wasn’t he was asking you, he was telling you. “I wanted you baby… I need you”

You took a step back, only to have him push you back on your bed. As soon as you were down he was on top of you. “I can’t… stay away, kitten. I know you’re mad, but I just can’t.”

He ran his hands all over you, pressing his hand tightly against your panties rubbing at your clit until you were a moaning mess. “Please kitten,” his voice trembled in a heavy husk, licking at your neck “, Don’t send me away.” 

It was impossible to resist him. Clothes were thrown off, Paul pinned you down by your throat and held you up by your ass. It was fast, hungry, he thrusted over and over inside you. He leaned down holding up one of your legs so he could be closer. His moans were so loud, they rattled in your ears. You couldn’t even tell what were your whines and his roaring moans. There were mischievous chuckles, Paul could help but thrive watching you melt beneath him. “Moan, kitten. Call my name, tell me how badly you want it.”

“Paul! Paul… Paul please- d-don’t stop! More, please!” 

“There’s my pussy cat,” he growled, slamming all the way to the back of your womb until a sharp throb sent a wave inside you, spilling out onto the mattress. He panted, leaning over you with his hair falling in your face. 

“You.. are such.. A brat!” You managed to catch your breath, slapping his arm.

“I told you four days is too much,” he snickered, laying his naked body on top of you.

You huffed, still stuck under him. There was no kicking him out, he’d just pop up again. “Fine, but you get to sleep in the laundry cabinet in the hallway with all the dirty clothes.”

  “Ahhh so worth it,” Paul snickered

Marko

Well movie night went off without a hitch, just as expected. The boardwalk had a beach movie tonight at the amphitheater, tonight was a classic- Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! Marko savored you nestled in his arms, your giggle giving him life. You two shared an extra large jumbo pretzel with jalapeno cheese dip snickering as a guy was run over by a bulbous red orb. You glanced at your watch. Oh shit, 7:45.

“Shit, baby I’m so sorry, I gotta head out,” you quickly apologized, throwing on your jacket.

“Wait wait wait, what,” Marko asked, watching you tip toe over the sand onto the boardwalk. “Baby girl hold on, wait up!” 

You paused, waiting for him to catch up onto the boardwalk. Oh right, you forgot to tell him! “Shoot, Marko I’m sorry I forgot to tell you,” You groaned, smacking the base of your palm into your forehead. “My mom and Dad left for two days, and my Auntie can only watch my brother until 8pm so I have to go watch him tonight.”

”You’re kidding me,” Marko groaned, knocking his head back. “C’mon baby girl, can’t I at least give you a ride back?”

The offer was sweet, but there was a roadblock. Your aunt was incredibly strict, your older cousin was twenty and still had to ask for approval when they dated new people. If she saw you riding up to the driveway on a stripped down motorcycle with your street punk boyfriend and she’d definitely pitch a fit to your parents. Granted you were sure that your mom and dad would love Marko if they met him, but hearing from someone else that your daughter is riding around the city unprotected with a biker punk with long hair may cause some premeditated negative judgement. “I can’t. But it’s only for the night, babe, I’ll be back tomorrow,” you assured him, taking his gloved hand into yours. “Meet me here, same time tomorrow? I’ll be sure to make it up to you.”

Marko sighed with a half smile, stealing a kiss from you. “You bet baby girl. Go ahead.” 

He leaned against his bike, half-waving at you as you trotted away. Paul returned to his bike with a soda in hand watching you run off while Marko waved.

“Hey dude, your date over already,” he asked, leaning over his shoulder.

Marko only smirked, biting at his thumb with a devious plan concocting in his head. “Mnah, I’m goin’ to her place a little later. I’ll catch up with you guys later, man.”

Your brother had already finished his homework and had dinner, it was just getting him to bed at this point. Once your aunt left you two hopped into the kitchen for a big ol’ bowl of popcorn and crashed on the couch for a quick video game marathon. You kicked his butt at Mario Brothers, and after a few hours he was out like a light. It was a pain in the butt carrying him down the hall to his room, flopping him onto the bed with a sigh. “Night, dork,” you softly teased, ruffling his hair. Okay, bed time.

You decided to finish the night out with a nice warm shower, tossing a bra and shorts on the back of the toilet. “Oooh,” you harmonized to yourself, kicking off pants, bra, panties. The warm water was so soothing, it pulled a satisfied hum from your throat. Slowly you ran your hands up your legs checking for any, going over any rough patches with a razor for that silky smooth finish. You paused for a moment, halfway through washing down your body when you could hear your dog, D/N, barking outside. On your tiptoes, you peeked out the bathroom window inside your shower meant to ease the steam plumes, watching him bounce, snarl, tugging at his leash. Lowering your feet down you gave a pause. There was no one outside. No one downstairs, and the doors downstairs were locked but… your bedroom window was left open

“Marko?”

“Polo,” the blonde exclaimed as he hung his head upside down from your window frame. 

You stuck your head out of your shower curtain, blowing a frustrated huff out of your nostrils. “Marko, I’m in the shower. You couldn’t handle me being gone for half a day?”

Marko chuckled and swung down, hanging his legs through your window into your room. “What can I say,” he teased, hopping down. “You’re irresistible baby girl.”

While you tried to finish up he waltzed around your room, peeking into books, staring at framed photos, until he had an even better idea. Kicking off his boots he waltzed into the bathroom, able to see your naked form just behind that (print) shower curtain. “You look awfully lonely in there~”

You couldn’t tell if you were blushing from the heat or the suggestion of showering with him, but either way you were utterly flusters. “But what about the water- Will it.. I mean?”

“Holy water, baby girl. I’m a vampire, not the Wicked Witch of the West. Normal water isn’t going to hurt me,” he insisted, shedding his jacket. 

You could hear the heavy leather slip to the floor. A deep breath dragged in, your heart racing. “Go ahead.”

The curtain rings made a metallic shhhrrrk, but you didn’t turn around as Marko stepped inside the stall with you. You could feel his hands trace up your exposed back sending a wave of goosebumps through your flesh. Slowly he pried your arms away from your torso and down to your side, sliding his hands around your waist.

 His blonde hair clung to the sides of his neck, water pelting against cold flesh soon pressed up against you from behind. “Glad I came in.. can’t remember the last time I’ve had a shower,” Marko teased. His slippery hands teased your lower half. He dipped his fingers past your lips rubbing at your entrance until they slipped inside with ease inciting a high pitched moan from you. They hooked inside you, prodding at the most tender parts until you fell forward, using the wall in front of your beneath the shower head as a support. Marko savored the image of you bent over in front of him, gently kicking your feet apart. “Promise me you won’t be quiet, baby girl,” he moaned softly in your ear. When his fingers pulled out, something else pushed in. The sensation filled a hot pressure inside you, Marko grasping the back of your neck for leverage. The entire room echoed with your cries, fluids lost beneath the water. The sensation made your legs weak, Marko’s grasp barely keeping you up. He held you close to his body thrusting further inside you, kissing your ear whispering tender words that made you weak. Secrets, three little words too quiet for anyone but you to hear. The tension in your waist spread, tighter and tighter like a rubber band on the verge of snapping. You cried out Marko’s name knocking your head back into his chest when something hot filled your insides. There was a moment of silence when you two caught your breath, the shower’s water washing away any evidence. When you couldn’t move Marko lifted you into his arms, carrying you out carefully to your room. Somehow you both managed to get dressed before collapsing onto your bed together- not before sealing the windows, of course.

[roman-writing]

two, across (2/?)

Fandom: Fire Emblem Three Houses

Pairing: Hilda Valentine Goneril / Lysithea von Ordelia

Rating: T

Wordcount: 7,678

Summary: Lysithea can barely keep afloat under the workload of giving undergrad lectures and finishing off her PhD thesis. Meanwhile Dr. Hilda V. Goneril is somehow both the laziest person as well as the most successful young professor she has ever known. It’s absolutely aggravating.

Read it here on AO3 or read it below the cut

The elevators are broken. All of them. Lysithea stands on the ground floor with Hilda, staring at the yellow tape suspended over each of the elevator doors. Her heart sinks in her chest, and her grip slackens on her coffee. 

"Can you believe this?" Hilda whines, punctuating her words with a stomp of her foot on the ground. "Do they expect us to clamber up Everest to get to our offices every day? What bullshit!"

"It's only seven floors." Even as Lysithea says it, she is furiously calculating how many steps that would entail.

How many steps were there per flight of stairs on average? Twenty-five? Thirty? She usually starts panting at around thirty, and has to take a break at forty. Edelgard always knew to take long walks around cities or parks with extra breaks. Lysithea didn’t know how many times she would have to stop while climbing seven whole flights of stairs.  

"Maybe we can work from some ground floor offices," Hilda muses, taking a contemplative sip of the coffee Lysithea had brought her that morning. "I could kick Leonie out of the gym office space, and we could work from there instead? It’ll smell, but it’ll just be for this week. Until they get the elevators up and running."

It's tempting. It really is. And Lysithea is ashamed of herself for seriously considering letting Hilda do just that. 

Eventually however, Lysithea sighs. "No. We should just suck it up, and walk up the stairs."

Hilda whines again, but she's already trudging towards the nearby door marked with the symbol for stairs. 

"This is so inconvenient!" Hilda groans, pushing the door open and holding it until Lysithea has joined her. "And, you know what? Leonie wouldn't even mind! I mean, yeah, okay. She would mind. But I could make a great sales pitch about how it's just turning every day into leg day for the next week. She might buy that!"

Hilda continues on in that vein, and Lysithea listens with only half an ear. The stairs extend ahead of her, looming like a snow-capped peak, except these are gilded in white linoleum. The chromed handrails gleam with the sweat of too many generations of hands passing over them. Lysithea is reluctant to touch them, but knows she will have to eventually. 

On the other hand, Hilda has already begun the climb. She is still talking, and has made it halfway up the first set of stairs before Lysithea can gather enough courage to even start. 

The first floor passes without much issue. Lysithea tries telling herself that it won't be so bad; she can do this. Hilda's constant chatter acts like a balm. Her presence is almost soothing, in and of itself. 

The second floor is where Lysithea's hubris realises its potential. Her breath has grown laboured. She reaches for the handrail. Hilda is ahead of her by a good distance, but they're still on the same set of stairs together at least. 

By the third floor, Lysithea feels an all too familiar twinge in her chest.

By the fourth floor, Hilda's voice fades into a murmur of white noise, like static. 

By the fifth floor, Lysithea drops her coffee. She doesn't mean to. Her hands are trembling uncontrollably, and the takeaway cup slips from her fingers. The coffee goes splattering all over her shoes and black stockings. The cup tumbles down the stairs until it rolls to a halt and dribbles dark foam. 

Hilda's voice stops, and an awful silence descends over the fifth floor staircase. Lysithea is panting. She is bent over her knees, and clutching the handrail like it's a buoy keeping her afloat. 

"Are you alright?"

"Y-Yeah," Lysithea lies. She turns and sinks to the ground so that she is seated on the step she had just been standing on. She doesn't even notice that she's sitting in some of the coffee spill until it's too late, and by then she can't bring herself to care. 

Hilda's boots clack against the ground. She comes to stand behind Lysithea, and for a brief moment, Lysithea feels fear lance through her at the thought of what expression Hilda might be wearing. 

Finally, Hilda sits down beside her with a huff -- on the other side so as to not sit in the coffee. "Geesh," she says. "You listened to my moaning this whole time, when you legit were on the point of, like, dying behind me?"

Lysithea leans her head against the railing, relishing the cool press of metal against her forehead. "At this point, I'm used to listening to your moaning by now."

Hilda nudges their shoulders together to get Lysithea’s attention, and then wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. "That's what she said."

With a groan, Lysithea shoves weakly at Hilda’s shoulder. "Shut the fuck up. You have the humour of a twelve year old boy."

In answer, Hilda wordlessly hands Lysithea her coffee cup, and then stands. She descends to the step just in front of Lysithea, and turns so that her back is facing her. Hilda pats herself on the shoulder. "Come on, then. Hop on and hold tight, spider-monkey."

Lysithea glares at Hilda’s back. "You did not just make a Twilight reference."

"I sure did. Now either hop on, or I'll leave you to crawl the last two floors by yourself. Up to you."

Lysithea purses her lips. She considers her options. Sighing, she clutches the coffee cup in one hand and wraps her other arm around Hilda's neck. She feels Hilda's hands slide under her knees as she crawls atop her back. When Hilda straightens, there’s a flex of muscle all along her back and shoulders. For all that however Lysithea is surprised at how soft she is. 

"If you tell anyone about this," Lysithea says, her voice dangerously low in Hilda's ear, "I'll kill you, and they will never find your body."

"How dare you threaten me with a good time."

Hilda jostles Lysithea a little to get her resting just so against her back, before turning around and marching up the stairs once more. As she does so, she steps around the spilled coffee so as to not get any on her designer boots. 

“I’ll need to give the janitorial staff a gift,” Lysithea mumbles against Hilda’s spine. 

“Cyril likes flowers. Little white ones that come in bouquets. Baby’s breath, or whatever they’re called. Which suits him, actually; he’s such a baby-faced guy.”

Lysithea lifts her head slightly to frown at the slope of Hilda’s cheek. “How on earth do you know that?”

Hilda flashes Lysithea a sly grin over her shoulder. “I make a point of being on excellent terms with janitorial staff wherever I work.” 

“Of course you do.”

The last two floors to their offices pass without incident. Apart from the fact that Lysithea can’t help but notice that Hilda smells nice. Really nice. So nice, Lysithea almost asks what perfume she wears, but keeps her mouth shut instead and demands to be put down the moment Hilda carries her up that last step. 

--

The elevators are down for the entire week. Everyday of that week, Hilda gives her a piggyback ride up the stairs. And everyday of that week, Hilda complains about the university’s health and safety policies.

“Seriously,” she says on Thursday for the fourth time, “you should complain to Judith about this. If you don’t, then I will.”

Lysithea huffs against Hilda’s shoulder blade. “I doubt the head of the biosciences department can make the university contractors work any faster.”

“No, but she can talk to Rhea on your behalf. Duh!"

"And what's the Dean supposed to do about it? Magically make the elevators work again?"

"Maybe! You don't know!" Hilda grouses, and she is excellent at grousing. “If nothing else, they should review their disability services. Or install a pulley system for you. Bucket and rope, that kind of thing.”

“Your thoughtfulness is as touching as ever,” Lysithea says dryly. 

“Or I could just -” Hilda pretends to drop her, loosening her grip beneath Lysithea’s knees.

With a yelp, Lysithea wraps her arms more tightly around Hilda’s neck. “No! I take it back! I take it back!” 

“That’s what I thought. Did Cyril like the flowers, by the way?”

They have resumed the climb, and Lysithea relaxes fractionally, safe in the knowledge that Hilda would not have actually abandoned her on the third floor stairwell. “He did. He still has them in a vase, I think.”

“Told you so!” Hilda says in that sing-song tone of hers.

“You’re insufferable. You know that?”

“You love it."

"I do not."

"And yet you continue to hang out with me. So, who's really at fault here, huh? Checkmate."

"That's -!" Lysithea splutters. "- completely illogical! How is it my fault that you tricked me into hanging out with you?”

“What do you mean ‘tricked you’?”

“You heard me.”

“Uh, we had a deal. That’s not tricking. Besides,” Hilda has to pause on the fifth floor landing to hike Lysithea a little further up her back, “You can’t steal a crossword in a communal newspaper. It’s literally for everyone to use.”

“Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean you can’t steal from a communal resource. That’s the definition of the Tragedy of the Commons.”

“So, you admit it? We’re friends?”

Lysithea snorts, and says sarcastically, “No, I prefer to let my nemesis carry me up flights of stairs every day.”

“Your nemesis sounds like a really cool gal. With amazing eyeliner. And impeccable taste in clothes.”

“And an ego the size of a planet,” Lysithea adds to the list.

Hilda ignores that comment. “You should totally let her give you a makeover.”

“Over my dead body.”

Hilda laughs, and the sound makes Lysithea’s stomach fizz like she’s had too much sparkling lemonade.  

It’s a good thing Edelgard and Hilda don’t know one another, Lysithea thinks. If Edelgard found out about this whole Almost-Fainting-on-the-University-Staircase (A.F.U.S.) debacle, she would be on the first flight over to scold Lysithea in person for being so careless. And Lysithea isn’t sure she could handle both Edelgard and Hilda in the same place at the same time. 

--

Edelgard’s monthly care package arrives in the office on the same day that Lysithea finally manages to arrange a meeting with her main supervisor. She enters Tomas' office, excited to finally get some guidance on all the hard work she's put into her thesis over the last few months, only to leave twenty minutes later with more questions than answers.

He is nothing like how he’d acted when she was still being courted by the university before this whole process began. Back then, Tomas had been charming, always with a kind smile and a twinkle in his eye. Now, he jabs his finger at her data charts and refuses to accept any answers she gives him regardless of how many different ways she explains the results. 

Lysithea is wandering listlessly back to her own office, cradling the latest drafted chapter of her thesis, when she sees Hilda striding towards her down the hallway.

"Hey! Lysithea!" Hilda holds up an enormous cardboard box that she’s carrying. "You got a package in the mail! And judging by the weight, your family sent you -” she lifts the box with both hands. “- a shipment of lead! It’s your lucky day."

"Oh," Lysithea feels her spirits stir somewhat at the sight of the package. "My friend sends me those every other month. It's probably full of food and new clothes."

At that, Hilda's eyes light up, the way they did when she figured out a crossword clue, or when they are walking down the street and she saw a pretty girl wearing an outfit she admired. “Well, I gotta see what’s in it now. Hang on -” her brow furrows slightly, and she looks down at the package. “A friend sends you gifts nearly every month?”

“Edelgard has known me since I was five. We’re basically siblings,” Lysithea says by way of explanation. 

The furrow in Hilda’s brow disappears. “Aww. That’s so cute!” 

Lysithea hums in wordless agreement. Normally, whenever Hilda called her ‘cute’ Lysithea would reprimand her, but she can’t be bothered today. She tries to slip past Hilda, and slope into her office for a much needed sulk, but Hilda steps in her way. 

“Bad meeting?” Hilda asks, and thankfully she has lowered her voice. 

The pages of the thesis chapter crinkle beneath Lysithea’s fingers. Even looking at all of Tomas’ notes scrawled across the first page makes her feel sick to her stomach. “He thinks the data is insufficient, and doesn’t correspond strongly enough with the overall thesis statement.”

Hilda frowns. “Then why didn’t he say anything at the time. You gathered it a year ago, yeah?”

“That’s what I said!” Lysithea bursts out, before ducking her head and lowering her voice to a surly mutter. “And Hanneman thinks the data set is fine, but whenever I point that out, Tomas just gets mad and reminds me that Hanneman isn’t my main supervisor.” 

“Hmm.”

For a moment that is Hilda’s only response. She shifts the box in her arms in order to reach up with one hand and lower her sunglasses from where they’re perched atop her head. Then, she nudges Lysithea towards the elevators with her shoulder. “C’mon. Forget Tomas. We’re going to lunch, and you’re going to open this great big box, and it’ll cheer you right up.”

“You’re only saying that because you want to know what’s in the box, aren’t you?” 

“I’m insulted you would even think that of me.” Hilda sniffs, then drums her fingers in a playful rhythm against the box in question. “It’s only part of the reason.”

“And what’s the other part?” Lysithea asks.

“I’m a woman of grace and mystery. You’ll just have to embrace that,” Hilda says as she lifts her leg to hit the button that calls the elevator with the toe of her boot. 

They go to lunch at a place down the road, because both of them are tired of the downstairs cafe, and if they have to order the same croissant sandwiches again one of them is going to scream. Hilda grabs a table outside in the hopes that they can enjoy the last good day of fall before the cold rainy season hits. The sun is watery, but Hilda drags the table a bit further from the shade, and Lysithea moves the chairs. 

They order, and their drinks come out. Hilda barely lets Lysithea take a sip before she places the package atop the table and all but bounces with anticipation in her seat.

"Looking at the two of us, nobody would guess that you're the childish one," Lysithea says. She grabs up a knife from the cutlery placed out for them, and starts to cut through the copious amounts of tape that Edelgard had used to wrap the box. 

"You say that, but I wish I looked as adorable as you." 

Lysithea pauses to glare at Hilda, but it sloughs off her like water from a duck's back. Lysithea continues cutting until she can finally prise the box open.

Predictably, Edelgard has stuffed the box full of more goodies than Lysithea could possibly consume or wear in half a year. Lysithea immediately goes for a smaller package of her favourite cookies, which have been padded with an assortment of clothes wrapped in expensive-looking tissue paper and bound in ribbon. 

She never recognised the labels of the clothing or accessories, but Lysithea always recognised the sweets. 

“Oh, wow,” Hilda breathes, as Lysithea peels back the wrapping of a biscuit elaborately painted with frosting. 

Closing her eyes, Lysithea sighs with pleasure as she takes that first bite. When she opens her eyes again, it’s to find Hilda watching her closely. "Do you want some? I thought you said I had too much of a sweet tooth for your tastes."

"Yeah, well, bring on the diabetes because those look amazing."

With a sigh, Lysithea holds out the biscuit she has already taken a bite of, but instead of taking it from her hand, Hilda leans over the table. She takes an extra big bite, so that when she leans back in her seat she triumphantly holds half of the biscuit in her mouth. Lysithea just rolls her eyes. If it were any other occasion, Lysithea would have given her a scolding, but even a glance into the box clearly shows that she won’t be running out of confectionaries any time soon. 

“Okay, what else you got, Lysithea’s friend?” Hilda asks the absent El, pulling the box towards her side of the table to sift through its contents. 

Lysithea finishes off the cookie, and is reaching for another when she stops. Hilda has gone stock still. Her mouth hangs slightly open. 

“What is it?” Lysithea asks.

Hilda does not immediately answer. She pulls off her sunglasses, and places them on the table, but her eyes never leave the box’s contents. She takes out one of the carefully lined pieces of clothing as though it’s made of gold dust and dreams. When she tugs the ribbon free, the gauzy paper falls open to reveal a black t-shirt splashed with bold red lettering. 

Hilda picks up the t-shirt to gaze at it in shock. There are dozens of other pieces of clothing similarly wrapped and stashed in the box. Lysithea doesn’t see what all the fuss is about. 

“Are you telling me,” Hilda says slowly, and her voice climbs with every word, “that this whole time, you had an uber rich childhood friend who sends you Valentino via air freight? Valentino?” 

“Yes?” Lysithea mumbles, wondering if this is some sort of trick question. “Is that a good brand, or something?”

She knows it’s a dumb question the moment it leaves her mouth. Hilda lowers the t-shirt just enough to stare at her over it. “Why don’t I ever see you wearing this stuff?!” 

“It’s -! It’s not really my style,” Lysithea says lamely.

“Not your -!” Hilda has to close her eyes and calm herself with a deep breath. Then, she starts folding everything back perfectly the way it was. “You’re paying for lunch. Consider it amends for your sins.”

“You can have the clothes, if you want?” Lysithea offers, picking up her soda. 

“You think I could fit into this? Look at these, and then look at your spaghetti arms.” For emphasis, Hilda lifts one of her own arms and pokes at the bulge of muscle at her shoulder. 

Lysithea is taking a sip from her drink, and makes an exasperated noise at the back of her throat. She puts the glass down. “You know I can’t go to the gym. I can barely walk five blocks without needing to sit down.”

“At least tell me what you do with all the clothes your mystery millionaire sends you.” 

Lysithea worries her lower lip between her teeth. Hilda gives her a look, and she admits with a wince, “I donate them to a shelter in town.” 

Hilda buries her face into the shirt she had just folded, and muffles a sound halfway between a scream and a sob in the fabric. 

Tentatively, Lysithea reaches across the table to pat the top of Hilda’s head. 

Hilda’s voice is muted through the shirt. “You’re going to be the death of me.” 

Lysithea pats her head some more. “There, there.” 

They have to clear the table, because the waiter is descending upon them with his arms laden with plates. Hilda swipes one of Lysithea fries before Lysithea can even reach for the condiments. 

“Okay, here’s the deal -” Hilda starts, but winces. “Ow! Those are hot!” 

“I feel less than zero sympathy for you right now.” 

“Fair. But you’ll sing a different tune when you hear of my super cool new deal.” Hilda snags another fry, avoiding Lysithea’s hand swatting down at her wrist. “I’ll read your latest thesis draft and give you feedback and all that jazz, if you do the same for an article I’ve just finished. You can come over to my place this weekend, and we’ll trade. It’ll be fun.” 

Lysithea places the condiment bottle aside, and picks up her fork and knife. “Why is everything always a trade with you?”

“All relationships should be equal and fair.”

Such a frank answer gives Lysithea pause. 

And then Hilda continues, “You know. The division of labour in society. Eat the rich.”

Lysithea aims a flat stare at her. “You’re already eating my lunch and my care package.”

Hilda grabs another one of Lysithea’s fries, pops it into her mouth, and winks. 

--

On Saturday evening, Hilda flings open the door to her apartment the moment Lysithea knocks. Lysithea hadn’t known what was an appropriate gift for her hostess, or if her hostess even technically required a gift, or if bringing Hilda soda when she was sick constituted a suitable substitution. In the end, she had defaulted to the latter of the options, and is now being dragged into Hilda’s apartment, empty-handed. 

If Hilda notices, she doesn’t show it. She shuts the front door behind them, and gestures vaguely to the apartment. “Welcome to my lair or whatever.”

On Lysithea’s previous visit, the curtains had been drawn and the lights dimmed so she couldn’t see anything apart from the impression of shapes. And perhaps it would have been better if that had remained the case. 

"Wow." Lysithea looks around at the wreckage. "Your place sure is...even messier than your office."

"Organised chaos, my brother calls it."

"Your brother is very kind."

"I think so, too. You want cider? I bought cider." Even without Lysithea's answer, Hilda is heading towards the kitchen. 

"I don't really drink much," Lysithea admits, picking her way carefully across the floor after Hilda so she doesn’t step on anything. 

"Oh, that's alright. You don't have to. I have soda, too!"

Lysithea blinks in surprise at Hilda's response, which had been immediate. In most social situations, Lysithea's adversion to alcohol was met with passive aggressive disdain or wheedling for her to join in the revelry. Hilda on the other hand, just starts pulling out various two litre bottles of sparkling lemonade and ginger ales, and arranging them on the counter in a single file formation like soldiers on parade. 

"I've got Schweppes. I've got Bundaberg. I've got Sprite. I've got Canada Dry. I’ve got San Pellegrino. I’ve got Perrier. I’ve got this new L&P stuff that my brother had shipped in from Australia or something, which I’ve been dying to try. Pick your poison."

Approaching the counter, Lysithea eyes the various bottles. Hilda has also pulled out a cider for herself, and is rustling around in a drawer for a bottle opener. Hesitantly, Lysithea picks up the cider and turns the bottle over in her hands. The glass is cold and misty from its time spent in the fridge. She goes to the back label and runs her thumb over the 2.4% ABV lettering. 

She can't even recall the last time she had alcohol. No, wait. That’s a lie. It had been on her eighteenth birthday. She had been allowed a single glass of champagne. It had a fresh strawberry in it, fizzing away at the bottom of the glass, and had tasted like dry unsweetened soda. 

Lysithea held the bottle of cider out to Hilda, who had finally found the bottle opener in her messy drawer of various cutlery, cooking knives, and spatulas. "Actually, I've changed my mind. I'll have one of these."

Slowly, Hilda takes the cider, and prises the cap free. “You sure?” She tosses the cap onto the counter, where it rattles around before settling in place. "Seriously, it's not a problem. No pressure. We're not, like, going out or anything. It's just us here, so -"

"This is fine. Thanks." Lysithea takes the bottle back, but doesn't immediately take a drink. She hesitates, and re-thinks her actions. 

With a shrug, Hilda turns to the fridge to pull out another cider for herself. "Alright. Up to you."

Switching the cold bottle into her off hand, Lysithea tugs at the strap of her bag over her shoulder to a more comfortable angle so that it doesn't dig into her skin. "So, uh - where are we doing this? Here?"

She nods pointedly to the kitchen table, which is piled high with grocery bags, library books, articles, makeup, empty mason jars, full mason jars, beads, jewelry, craft items, wire in various metals such as gold and silver and copper. Lysithea wanders closer to the table, clutching her cider. 

"You," she tilts her head to one side, "make jewelry?"

"Yup. It’s a hobby of mine." Hilda joins her. She puts down her own open bottle of cider, and picks up what Lysithea had originally thought was a necklace. She presses it to Lysithea's chest. "This sweater clip would look good on you by the way. Especially with one of those grandma cardigans you like so much. You should take it."

Hilda shoves the sweater clip into Lysithea’s free hand before she can complain.

"They're not 'grandma cardigans.'" Lysithea grouses. "They're just my cardigans."

"And you look very cute in them. You'll look even cuter wearing this. If you don’t want to wear the sweater clip with the cardigan, you can just hook them into the tips of your collars. Very chic right now. Or - ooh!" Hilda dives into one of the grocery bags, pawing through its contents. "I have a brooch in here that would make you look like some sort of Edwardian porcelain doll."

Lysithea scrunches up her nose. "No, thank you."

"No, no! I meant it in a good way!"

"I'm sure you did. But my answer is the same."

Hilda whines, but eventually relents. "Fine. Keep the sweater clip though. And don’t you dare donate it to a shelter!"

For a moment, Lysithea considers denying that request. Instead, she runs the fine gold chain between her fingers. Two clips hang from each end of the chain, molded from gold into the shape of little decorative pinecones with ivy leaves. 

Hilda is right. They would look good with her cardigans. And she does like cardigans...

"Thanks." Lysithea puts the sweater clip into a compartment of her bag, so that she won't forget that it's there. "So, can we clear this table, or -?"

Suddenly, Hilda stands between Lysithea and the table as if guarding her firstborn child from an evil witch out for blood. "No way! Don't touch anything here."

Lysithea crosses her arms as well as she could for someone holding a glass bottle. "What the hell do you think I'm going to do? It’s not like I can make it worse than it already is!"

"It's perfect! I know exactly where everything is!"

"Oh, yeah?" Lysithea lifts her chin, and issues the challenge: "Find me a pair of scissors."

Immediately, Hilda reaches into a bag and pulls out a pair of gleaming sewing scissors. The nice kind. The kind that Lysithea's mother would have yelled at her for touching as a child.

Sticking out her lower lip, Lysithea mumbles, "Yeah, ok. Fine."

Hilda waggles the scissors at her. "You're extra cute when you pout."

"Call me cute again, and I'm dumping this cider over your head."

At that, Hilda makes a face, but says nothing. She simply sticks the scissors back into the bag and out of sight. 

"I think I saw a couch under all the rubble of your living room," Lysithea says. But as soon as she takes a step towards the living room, Hilda interrupts. 

“Okay, I know we’re still new to this friendship thing, but we need to make one thing clear. All of this?” Hilda gestures towards the apartment in general. “Just looks messy, alright? I have a system.” 

Now, that, finally was something Lysithea could understand. She had a Routine, after all. Capital 'R'. And it sounded like Hilda's system came with its own capital letter, too.

"Please don't tell me we have to sit on the ground for this." Lysithea looks down at the kitchen floor. While cluttered just like everything else in the apartment, at least the floor appears clean. Hilda obviously washed stuff, she just didn't tidy it. 

In answer, Hilda picks up her cider and tilts the bottle towards the kitchen exit. "This way.” 

Hilda leads her not towards the living room, but towards her bedroom. When Lysithea realises what is happening, she freezes. 

"Uh -" Lysithea says eloquently. 

Hilda stops in the doorway to her bedroom, and shoots a puzzled glance over her shoulder. "Huh? What's wrong?"

Lysithea looks down at the cider in their hands, then at the bedroom beyond; she can’t meet Hilda’s gaze. She can feel her cheeks warming up, and knows her face must be going bright red. 

Hilda's eyes widen. "Oh! Oh! No, it’s -” She laughs, and Lysithea has never known Hilda to be anything but the epitome of confidence, but she sounds slightly nervous now. “It’s not like that. It totally could be like that, but it’s not like that. Tonight, there’s no funny business."

Even so, Lysithea squints at Hilda in suspicion. 

"I swear!" Hilda draws an 'X' over her chest with her free hand. "Cross my heart, and hope to die."

"I am starting to think you're actually two twelve year olds in a designer trench coat," Lysithea says. "How old are you, really?"

"Thirty this year."

Lysithea rocks back on her heels. "You're barely even thirty, and you were giving me shit for being twenty-four a few weeks ago?"

"There's a big difference between thirty and twenty-four. Six whole years difference, to be exact."

"Congratulations. You can count. Your brother must be so proud."

Hilda makes a rude gesture with her fingers, then walks further into her bedroom. "Don't even talk to me about it. The idea of turning thirty has seriously been playing havoc with my nerves. I'm going to be middle aged soon."

"Tragic," Lysithea drawls, following her inside.

"I'm being serious! I'm ancient! I could keel over at any second. You're going to have to put me into one of those old folk’s home, where they’ll dress me in scuffed kitten heels and outdated Chanel."

“I promise to polish your kitten heels for you when your crippling arthritis kicks in.” 

Hilda’s expression brightens. “Really?”

“No.”

“Tease.”

Hilda flops onto her bed. It's the only piece of furniture in the room that doesn't have mountains of stuff piled atop it. The chest of draws in the corner is almost entirely hidden beneath the sheer quantity of jewelry that Hilda owns. There's a work station that holds a laptop and a few charging cables, along with heaps of stray electronic devices that Lysithea can't even name. Lysithea would have guessed the table got some use, but for the fact that the chair in front of it is a sand-dune made of clean clothes that Hilda hasn't gotten around to putting away. 

The closet door is open, and shoes are spilling out in all directions. Innumerable jackets seem to be multiplying inside. More unopened shoe boxes teeter towards the ceiling. There's a narrow path between the shoes scattered along the floor that leads to the bathroom door, which is partially ajar. 

When Hilda jumps atop the bed, she bounces twice. She kicks her boots off and flings them in the vague direction of the closet, where they ricochet off the closet door. She places her bottle of cider onto the bedside table, and swaps it for a tablet that was charging there. She flicks the tablet on, and keys in the passcode.

When Lysithea still hasn't moved from her place in the doorway, Hilda glances up at her. "Well?" She grabs a pillow and makes a show of fluffing it up and propping it on the wall beside her, where she gestures to it as though to a throne. "Make yourself at home."

Slowly, Lysithea makes her way over to the bed. Where Hilda had jumped, Lysithea clambered. She nearly spilled her cider, and had to switch it between hands to keep from making a mess of the pink and white striped sheets, which are surprisingly soft. They smell like clean laundry and Hilda's perfume.

She shoves that thought aside brusquely. Clearing her throat, Lysithea slips her work bag from her shoulder and digs through it for her laptop. 

Something warm touches the hand holding her bottle, and Lysithea nearly jerks away before she realises that Hilda is taking the cider from her so that she can shuffle around in her bag without spilling anything. 

"Thanks," Lysithea mumbles, letting Hilda take the bottle for a second.

"Sure thing." Hilda hands the cider back the moment Lysithea has set up the computer on her lap. 

Between the two of them holding the bottle, the cider has begun to warm in their grasps. Lysithea takes a tentative first sip. It's sweet, pear-flavoured, and only has the mildest hint of alcohol. She takes another sip, and then balances it between her legs so that she can still type on her laptop.

“Alright, did you email me your article?”

“Already in your inbox since eleven this morning.” 

Hilda lounges back on her own pillow, sprawling over a good portion of the bed while she, presumably, opens Lysithea’s thesis on her tablet. She had summoned a tablet stylus from somewhere, and is jotting down notes directly onto the screen. 

Bracing herself with another swig of cider, Lysithea clicks on Hilda’s email, and gets to work. 

The silence only lasts for a few minutes, before Hilda’s tablet starts playing music, and she hums along. Lysithea purses her lips, but does not tell her to stop. The additional noise and lyrics means she has to read more slowly for full comprehension. Lysithea finishes her cider, and sets it on the bedside table beside Hilda’s now empty bottle. 

While they work, Hilda contorts herself into a number of poses on the bed. At one point she lies flat on her stomach, and swings her feet in the air. At another, she’s on her back with her head hanging off the edge, holding the tablet up and reading upsidedown. Later still, she sprawls on her side like she’s seated at some ancient Graecian banquet, her head propped on her hand, tapping along with her stylus to the rhythm of whatever pop song is playing.

Eventually, Hilda complains about wanting snacks, and bounces off the bed in search of something in the kitchen. 

She returns with a bag of potato chips, and the invitation, “C’mon. It’s been like two hours. It’s break time.”

Lysithea is still scrolling through Hilda’s article, arduously checking all of her references. “But -”

“No ‘buts’.” Hilda waves the now open bag of chips in Lysithea’s face so that she can’t see the screen properly without leaning far to one side. And even then, Hilda follows her head with the bag. “Relax. The article isn’t going anywhere. It’s not due to be published for, like, two more months.”

Lysithea closes the lid of her laptop and puts it aside. “I don’t know how you do it,” she says, reaching for a chip.

“Do what?” Hilda waits until Lysithea has taken a handful before turning the bag back towards her self. 

For a moment Lysithea can’t answer, because she’s chewing. Finally, she says, “You’ve got that -- that thing. You know. The -” Lysithea grasps at the air with one hand. “What’s that word? It’s Italian. Means you look careless but only because you practice looking careless.”

“Sprezzatura,” Hilda answers without hesitation. 

Lysithea snaps her fingers. “That’s it! Jesus, you’re good at that. No wonder you’re so good at crosswords.” 

Hilda pretends to primp and coquettishly twirl a strand of hair around her finger. “Thanks. I know.”

Lysithea snatches the bag of chips from Hilda’s hands. “Shut up. I wasn’t finished, so don’t look so smug.”

Hilda lets the bag go without any complaint, and says, "Go on, then. What other compliments do you want to render unto me?"

Lysithea sticks out her tongue at her. She knows it's childish, and under any other circumstances she would never have done so. But this is Hilda, and they're all alone. There's nobody else to judge. When it's just the two of them, Lysithea doesn't care if she looks childish -- Hilda would never think she was a child, regardless of her appearance.

"No more compliments,” Lysithea says. “And I could do with less of your strategic incompetence. It's incredibly annoying."

"You should try it sometime," says Hilda, reaching towards Lysithea’s lap to take a chip from the bag. She speaks while she chews, so that her words are punctuated with the crunch of crispy potato wafer. "It makes life so much easier when you don't have to worry about other people's expectations. Trust me."

Lysithea balks at the very thought. "No way! I couldn't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because!" she tries to think of a reason, but fails. "I just - I couldn't.”

Hilda goes for another chip. “I know you can do better than that.”

“I'm always worried about what people think when they look at me, because I've always been in the spotlight. I was taken out of the normal school system at the age of twelve and put into special programs. And even before that, it was a constant stream of performances. Whether it's with a musical instrument, or my education, or all the doctors -"

Lysithea’s eyes widen. She bites her tongue, when she realises exactly what she has said. Hilda has paused in her chewing, her mouth closed but her jaw almost comically jutting out to one side while she stares at Lysithea. 

“Th-That - What I mean is -” Lysithea stammers. She has to clear her throat, and then fixes Hilda with a hard look that doesn’t match the waver still present in her voice. “You didn’t hear anything.”

Hilda blinks. “Hear what? Anyway, I’m starving. Are you starving? Let’s get something more than this.” She takes back the bag of chips and rolls it closed, sticking a few fingers in her mouth to lick off the residual salt. With her other hand, she pulls out her phone. “How does pizza sound? There’s a place around the corner that doesn’t completely suck and can deliver in fifteen minutes.”

Already hunched back over her laptop, Lysithea answers with relief, “Pizza is fine. Nothing too spicy, please.” 

“Extra jalapeños. Got it.”

Lysithea can’t help but let out a small huff of laughter. 

It’s going to be a long night. 

--

Lysithea awakes to a sea of soft warmth. She blinks, bleary, and squints. Light streams through a window, washing the sheets a bright white. A tangle of pink hair peeks from beneath the sheets beside her, nestled into the neighboring pillow, and Lysithea freezes. 

Hilda. She is in Hilda’s bed. She had spent the night at Hilda’s.

She doesn’t need to look down at herself to know that she is still mostly clothed. Her shoes and sweater have been abandoned somewhere on the floor. She could vaguely remember getting rid of them sometime after they ordered a pizza but before they abandoned their work to watch a show on netflix. Not that they had paid the show much attention. Hilda had spoken through the whole thing, as if every scene were in desperate need of her constant narration.

After that, Lysithea only remembers the warm hum of the laptop between them, and the softness of the bedsheets, and Hilda’s voice lowering to a murmuring lull. She must have fallen asleep, and Hilda hadn’t been so cruel as to wake her and kick her out of the apartment at midnight.  

Empty bottles of soda and cider are scattered like a city skyline on the bedside table. Her laptop was long gone -- probably under the bed at this point. God only knows. The corner of Hilda's phone can be seen beneath her pillow, glinting in the light when Lysithea sits up in bed.

She needs to somehow make her way to the bathroom, but she is up against the wall, the floor at the foot of the bed is a wreckage of clothes, and Hilda is asleep blocking the only path to freedom. She decides to brave the mountain at the foot of the bed instead of crawling over an insensate Hilda. When she slips out from beneath the sheets and starts to edge further down the mattress however, Hilda rolls over, and Lysithea only narrowly escapes being clocked by a knee. 

Swearing under her breath, Lysithea manages to escape, and climbs down the slope of Hilda's clothes. She finds her bag at the foot of the bed, beside her laptop, and breathes a sigh of relief that it hadn't been consumed by the living organism that was Hilda's apartment. Grabbing the bag, Lysithea heads to the bathroom, and shuts the door behind her as quietly as she can. The lock is a one of those sliding bars that covers the gap between the door and the frame, and Lysithea slips it into place. 

The bathroom is, much to her surprise, clean. Apart from the copious amount of bottles and brushes and makeup and hair product and other cosmetic items that Lysithea did not know the names for, it's still clean. Towels hang from a heated rack along the wall, and the combined shower-tub gleams white. 

Unfortunately however there's very little space on the countertops. Lysithea silently debates what to do with her bag until she finally gives up and props it on the edge of the bathtub. She has to bend over to loot through it. She pulls out another smaller bag from within, a black hard-lined case with a red and white caduceus staff logo on the front. It’s only her emergency staff, the one she keeps just in case her day doesn’t go quite as planned. Like yesterday. And today. 

She unzips the case at the sink, but has to stop. Of all the products and bottles Hilda has accumulated, there's not a single empty glass, and she had not thought to bring some of the leftover soda from the bedroom. With a grimace, Lysithea flips the lid of the case up, and goes about part one of her morning routine.

The cavalcade of pills needs to be taken once every twenty-four hours. Most of the pill bottles sport warning labels about adverse effects when mixed with alcohol. She uncaps the first, and shakes a single pill into the centre of her palm. At most she can manage to swallow down two at a time, but it still seems to take an age. Especially since she has to keep moving the bag aside in order to run the tap and sip water from her cupped hands. 

By the end, the front of her shirt has water marks all down it, and she is wiping off her chin and hands upon one of the fluffy towels. The bottles of pills are all lined up on the small bit of ledge she had cleared upon the sink, and the larger case they usually were neatly divided into rests upon the floor. Lysithea puts the last cap back onto its corresponding bottle, twisting until she hears the child-lock mechanism catch. 

She catches sight of her reflection in the mirror. Her pale hair is a mess. She considers the odds that Hilda would mind her using one of the many brushes, before deciding to run her fingers through her hair instead. 

“It’s not weird,” Lysithea tells her reflection in the mirror as she tries to tame a particularly stubborn cowlick to no avail. “She’s a friend. Having friends and staying at their house is not weird. You used to sleep in El’s bed all the time.”

That much, at least, is true. And that was even at Edelgard’s enormous family mansion, where there were more rooms with beds than a hospital, let alone in Hilda’s one bedroom apartment where the couch was off limits due to an overabundance of electronics and tchotchkes. 

Her thoughts are interrupted by a knocking on the bathroom door. 

“Lysithea,” Hilda’s voice is a tired mumble through the door. “C’mon. I need to use the bathroom.”

Frantic, Lysithea swipes all of her pill bottles from the sink ledge and back into her main bag. She doesn’t bother to sort them carefully into their own little miniature case like she normally would, cramming everything into her bag and tugging at the zippers. 

Hilda's knocking intensifies. 

"I'm coming!" Lysithea calls. There's a pause, and then she adds, "If you say 'that's what she says' I will spray you with the shower head."

"You're no fun before you've had coffee in the morning."

Lysithea yanks open the door. Hilda is rubbing at one of her eyes. Somewhere during the night before they had fallen asleep, she had the sense of mind to wash her face and remove all her makeup. Without her usual dark eyeliner and eyeshadow, Hilda looks -- not plain, exactly. Vulnerable. As though she used cosmetics as armour. 

As she slips past her, Hilda says, "Coffee’s in the freezer. There's cereal for breakfast, if you want. Or leftover pizza. Just be sure to leave a slice for me."

"Yeah. Alright." 

The bathroom door shuts, and the lock clicks into place. Lysithea stands there for a moment, unsure of what to do. She really should eat something. The medication was supposed to be taken with food. She can stay for breakfast. It’s fine. It’s sensible.

Sleeping over at a colleague’s house, and sharing a bed, and quibbling over who gets the bathroom, and eating leftovers for breakfast together is not weird. 

It’s not weird. It’s worse.

It’s becoming part of the Routine. 

--

NOTES:

The pinecones on the sweater clip is a very oblique reference to Lysithea’s major Crest of Gloucester and the Thyrsus. In Graeco-Roman mythology, the Thyrsus is a staff with a pinecone at the end. 

also: tfw ur not-gf is too tiny to steal her designer clothes (TToTT)

[purplesurveys]

686

1. What previews did you see at the last movie you saw in theaters? I don’t even remember dude. I do remember the last movie I saw in the cinema was Knives Out, but we were too late to see the previews and arrived exactly when the movie started. The movie I saw before that wasssssss Portrait of a Lady on Fire, but that was so long ago I definitely don’t remember the previews that showed beforehand – or if there were any, at all. 2. Have you ever washed your hair with mayonnaise? Ok I love mayonnaise, but that shit goes in my mouth and not anywhere else in my body lmao. 3. How many things are you a fan of on Facebook? I stupidly liked so many pages when I was 14 and new to Facebook...it must be in the hundreds. I think I still like most of them, but I’m just too lazy to unlike each of them. 4. Do you have more friends on Myspace or Facebook? Facebook is a sure winner here because I don’t even have a Myspace.

5. What generation iPod do you have? I don’t know...it’s an iPod from 2008, though. The really thin one that comes with games, and the screen is already colored. 

6. What celebrities share your birthday? James McAvoy and Queen Elizabeth II are the biggest names I think. I Googled to confirm anyway and it turns out I share a birthday with Iggy Pop too. Pretty diverse group lmao. 7. What's your first and last name spelled backwards? Nybor, and that’s all you’re getting now. 8. What song is playing at the moment? No song, just two electric fans whirring loudly here in the first floor, and my sister watching a playthrough of some game she’s into on YouTube. 9. Do you clench your teeth when you're angry? Ugh no. I hate the feeling/texture/sound of grinding my teeth. I find it a little disturbing and I wince when I hear someone doing it in their sleep :/ 10. Have you ever been to a movie that sold out? Yeah, Killing of A Sacred Deer was surprisingly sold out when we watched it. Then again we were in the part of the city where people are more likely to watch films like that, so maybe it’s not that surprising after all. Other movies I remember being sold out was the entire Twilight Saga HAHAHA. I went to 4/5 midnight screenings and the cinema was packed every time.

11. Have you ever been to a midnight movie? ^ Just mentioned it. 12. It's 2010; are you gonna say oh-ten, twenty ten, or two thousand ten? I always say twenty-ten. 13. How many of your classes change next quarter? Next semester? I graduate next semester...hopefully. This virus is really ruining my life plans for 2020, especially as a graduating student who was expecting to graduate by June and get a job by like, September. 14. Do you believe in the paranormal? Only ghosts. 15. How old are the shoes you're wearing? I’m barefoot at the moment. I haven’t been outside in a WHILE, so I haven’t had to wear shoes in a while as well. 16. What's your state's weather usually like this time of year? The Philippines is a relatively tiny country so our weather from the northernmost to southernmost tips are uniform. That being said, March to June is our summer season so the *country’s weather is very humid and excruciatingly hot for now. Temperature usually plays around 34-37C, but the heat index can reach 42C. 17. Do you get those leg cramps in the middle of the night? I used to get them quite often as a kid - it would wake me up at 4 AM and I’d usually be crying by the end; I couldn’t scream because I never wanted to wake everyone up, so I’d just cry until it was over. 18. What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep? Midsommar didn’t make me too scared to sleep, but for a short time it made me terrified of flowers and the color white. 19. Do you have a Twitter account? Sure. 20. Did Obama deserve the Nobel Peace Prize he was awarded? Oh he won it? That’s pretty cool. I dunno enough about his presidency other than he seems to be ~hipper than all the other US presidents and is generally more well-loved, but I don’t want to make a stand so hastily. 21. Is your cell phone a qwerty (full keyboard) or no? Yeah, touchscreen qwerty. 22. What was the last website you logged onto (besides the one you're on)? WWE Network!!! Just today they announced that they were gonna give free access to the Network, which means thousands of hours’ worth of pay-per-views, shows, and documentaries. I made a WWE account just for it and I’ve already downed two documentaries this morning. 23. What's your home page? It’s a Google Chrome extension called Momentum. I’m too lazy to describe the features so I’ll just show you what it looks like when I open Chrome/a new tab.

24. Put a line from the song you're listening to right now: I’m not listening to a song rn but I do have everything i wanted by Billie Eilish stuck in my head for a few minutes now. A lyric goes: I had a dream / I got everything I wanted / Not what you’d think / And if I’m being honest, it might’ve been a nightmare / To anyone who might care.

25. Music artists you listen to: Are they a little or a lot older than you? They’re typically close to my age, like maybe 4-10 years older than me. The oldest artist I listen to is probably Beyoncé? 26. What always has to be in the refrigerator? For us, eggs. 27. What was your favorite movie of 2009? The Proposal. 28. What do you want for Christmas? That’s sort of a long way from now, dude. By that time I’d have grown a bit and will probably ask for a vacuum cleaner lmaaaaao. 29. If you could go to three places in the world right now: UPTC, Feliz, and a Starbucks. I just want to be out of my actual village – I don’t even want to go anywhere far after this. 30. How many days until your birthday? I was too lazy to do math but Google says it’s 28 days away. 31. Who are you crushing on right now? (Famous or not, it's your call.) Gabie, Kristen Stewart, and Lee Joo Youngggggg. 32. Do you squish bugs or put them in a glass and let them outside? I squish them especially if they’re being annoying, soz. 33. Do you have split ends? I recently got my hair done, so no.

34. Isn't it ridiculous that movie theaters sell hot dogs and nachos? It is pretty stupid considering they’re messy food and you’ll have to eat them in a really dark room. Where I’m from they allow any kind of food in the theatres, so we aren’t restricted to hotdogs and nachos. My go-to food is Potato Corner french fries, since they’re easy to pick up and would never have a strong smell, or make a noise or a mess. 35. What school subject do you absolutely fail at? I don’t think I ever got past an 85 in chemistry in high school. 36. When you're on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad? I have a touchpad. I’ve never owned a mouse. 37. When's the next day(s) off you'll get at school? Literally right now until April 14th. It’s a lockdown, dude. 38. If you're learning a language, what year are you in? I’m not. My curriculum doesn’t require me to take language electives. I did take Spanish and Korean in Duolingo in the past out of boredom/curiosity, though. I lasted a few levels into Spanish because of its similarities with Filipino, but they have like a million verb tenses and that’s when it got too much for me. Korean was pretty difficult right from the start. 39. Do you think you're done growing or will you grow a couple more inches? Nah, this is it I think. 40. What's your mom's mom's name? Agnes. 41. Do you replace "and" with an ampersand (&)? No, it looks so informal to me. 42. What do you usually get at school for lunch? I don’t have a usual lunch; it depends on what we have at home, because I typically just bring food from home to school. 43. Have you ever encountered a creepy neighbor? I don’t think so. If I did, my brain probably blocked the memory already. 44. How many texts can your phone's inbox hold before it's too full? As far as I know it doesn’t have a limit and just depends on my phone’s overall capacity.   45. Do you like the foam soap or the liquidy soap? I use a liquidy one, so I’ll go with that. 46. Do you like the automatic sinks or the ones with hot and cold handles? Lmao, first of all our country’s not even rich enough for this question. We just have a basic sink. We get whatever temperature is available and we need to turn a knob to have the water running. 47. What day did/does your birthday fall on this year? It’ll fall on a Tuesday, which suckssss because it’s a weekday and I have weekly Tuesday meetings for this semester. It’s also the first week out of the coronavirus lockdown, and I doubt people will even be paying attention to birthdays by then. 48. Do you tend to lean towards bright colors or more subtle colors? Subtle ones. 49. Do you use British spelling even though you're not British? No. 50. Name the farthest/weirdest/most unique place you've ever been: Farthest: Bali, Indonesia Weirdest: There was this park in Palawan that just didn’t fit with the city’s atmosphere at all lmao. Let me look it up... Baker’s Hill. It had tons of vibrantly-colored figurines, decorations peppered with cheesy pick-up lines, and Valentine’s decor (hearts, streamers, etc) spread all over the place. I couldn’t understand what it was supposed to be and it was a surreal experience overall lol. Most unique: Sagada. It didn’t feel like I was in the Philippines for the 3 days I was there.

[fire-fanboy-trash]

... .... .- - - . .-. . -..

..-. .- -- .. .-.. -.-- chapter 5

I've haven't been the best mentally so I didn't write as much but enjoy! I will have a longer chapter soon!!

@meisamyth @sadcat5555 @thebluehearted @smol-bean-ashley @pma-girl @sharky-g @dead-golden @10th-no-name-person

Tw: abusive| drugs |crying sam

Sam looked in the chamber and was startled! She fell back almost falling on the floor but google caught her. In front of them was a man sitting in a leather chair. He looked up. She gripped google's arm. "It's ok he's harmless,this is eric". He strolled over starring at the tile floor. "hh h ii" "But you told what Fatality meant, I don't wanna" "Dark only named this area Fatality chamber so other egos avoid it. This is where the Vounrable egos are kept to prevent them from serious harm or injuries. The dangerous egos avoid it because once an ego goes down here they never leave. It's a safety precaution." Sam blinked. "Oh but I don't wanna be here" "Darks orders prove you can protect yourself and you can be with the other ipliers"

[ ] anytime these are around words it mean talking through mind telepathically just in case someone forgot

[Get up here ] [affirmative]*slam*"no don't go" She felt a hand on hear shoulder and screamed. "i i t's ooK" The man was toned and missing feet, with black hair and a floral shirt. She was terrified the way Google described fatality freaked her out. Bang bang bang bang bang bang. She pounded her fists into the titanium door desperate to get out. "HELP"!! Tears streamed down her cheeks. "hhow ol d are u" She began kicking the door. "Hoow olD aRee u" She jerked her head back shaking at the sight of Eric. "7". "th aT maAkes s ense" He took a step towards Sam. "I don't know you"

[ Sky͡le̶r w͘è ̴t̡al҉ked͞ ab̨o͠ut͡ this ] [I still go by dat name?] [ YE͜Ş ] [ok] [ now̨ ̛sto͠p be͡i͝ng ̧a ba͞by ҉àn͝d͘ s̀h͜o͝w ̴NO F̡EAR̴ ]

She trembled and turned around to afraid to disobey Anti. "Hi sir I Skyler" "I m e ric" "Why you talk like dat?" He gripped his handkerchief. "A nn x iety " Sam starred at him blankly.

[w͛͟ḩ̈o͒ ͫcͪ́a̓r̴e̸s͒ ̴a̕b̡̈́oút̏ ̶h̢͑i̡̔m̧ ̢̚f̄́o̾c͗u̧ͦs ̸͒on̊̕ ̈́c҉ǫn̴vͨi̓͝n̶͑cȉn̉͟g ̿̀dark̽ ҉yͩou'̉rͪ́e̷̔ ̨a̵b́ļ̒eͮ ̸t̕oͨ ̚͡p̅rͯ͏o͢t̍eͭ͞c̃t̎ ͝yỡur̎͡s̓͝ëlf! ̉S̀TÓ̡Pͤ B̧ͣEIŃG̓͘ ͑͢SU͡C͟H̍́ ͬA̵ ͦS̨͛C̀A̎R͞DY̨̐ C̀AT͘!̂!̷ͬ ̈́] [but I wanna have fun ] his eyes filled with rage, he truly forgot about the fact that she is only 7. Although Sam is Anti's biological child he is not capable of raising her.

(I hc anti is gay btw so sam was born before he figured this out, now he knows)

... .- --

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-.-- --- ..- .----. .-.. .-..

-... .

..-. .-. . .

..-. .-. --- --

- .... .. ...

Meanwhile with chase

Chase always wanted Sam every since they were born. Anti didn't especially since she is the result of a one night stand. After that he realized he was gay and despised their existence. He agreed to let chase raise Sam but them he saw it made him happy for once. He suddenly changed his mind. Not caring as chase cried. Chase had PTSD from watching his family be murdered in front of him and constantly blamed himself for it. After it had been a year since murders of Stacy and Luna and Steven the police said it was a cold case. Chase remembers watching Sam cry because the glitch screamed and hit him. He didn't like how Sam was gender fluid and literally became those genders. While chase loved them, little Sam.

Chase was feeling nauseous. He drank more and got high more. He was anxious!! "Where is Sam did anti murder them"he cried miserably. "Anti never loved them, he keeps them around for some reason." "Ooh gOshh *hiccup* the room is spinning" Thud.

Jackie walks through the door profusely sweating. Slam. "Ugh work was stressful as hell, chase are you even listening"?! Silence. He walked in the living room. Chase was passed out on the floor. Although something was different than a drunk pass out. "Holy fuck"! He rushed over swooped him up and bolted outside to the car. Chase was foaming at the mouth. He speeded to the hospital not caring if he got a ticket. Practically screaming about how his brother was passed out and had white foam coming out of his mouth. Doctors and nurses frantically rushing around."go in the waiting room sir" Jackie reluctantly goes in the waiting room. Extremely Desperate to know what happened!!Finally the doctors come out. "He is fine now he had an overdose"!! They went home! "Why didnt you tell me you took drugs!!"!! He glared at him!! "I knew you'd be upset"!! "Chase you could've died!!" "I'm sor-" "CHASE I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA DIE!! SCHNEEP AND MARVIN ARE DEAD, I CAN'T LOSE YOU TOO!! I CRIED IN THE WAITING ROOM!!" He stormed off filled with rage. Chase slumped"i never thought I would overdose". He face palmed and cried tell he physically couldn't. Then chugged alcohol tell he passed out! "Sam where are you? " Jackie cried himself to sleep. Jackie got depression when schneep died.

"They still don't know I caused all this. The fools trust me".He watched chase and Jackie from his many cameras. "Chase it's only gonna get worse from here"

[justiceforvictimsoffocus-blog]

Review of Focus Treatment Centers of Chattanooga, TN

My Google review was too long, so here is the whole post: (Yes, this was important enough to me to start a whole tumblr page just to raise awareness. It took me over a whole day to figure out how too make this work. Also, it helps bring me peace for such a horrible/traumatic experience. Also, please excuse any typos or weird wording. Tumblr did not copy and paste accurately for some reason. Not even close. So I literally had to word for word compare this post to the word document where it was saved and fix all the weird stuff it did)

(This is part 1 of 3 of my review) If I could give this place 0 stars I would. I have been to multiple detox and mental health facilities and this was the ABSOLUTE worst experience I've ever had. This place is TOXIC and should be shut down. My 7 th point is the most significant, FYI, if you decide to skip the rest.

Ok, so maybe if you have "stereotypical" body image issues with anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating disorders and do not know what's causing them, maybe Focus can be helpful. BUT what a lot of these sick people have yet to realize apparently, is that there are MANY forms of eating disorder that don't include those three disorders. (Specific example: My friend's 4-year old son has what doctors have called an eating disorder, because he has a hard time eating certain textures, etc. He's not over eating and he's certainly not undereating because he’s concerned about his physical appearance. He is in therapy for it. ALL eating disorders deserve help.)

I digress.

1.) I went to the facility to seek treatment for alcoholism and eating disorders. It took me three tries to get into this facility because they kept rejecting me on the basis that my BAC was too high. Ya think? I know I needed help and I was more than coherent so it's not like I was passed out drunk or something. By my 3rd attempt I could not even sign the documents because I was shaking/withdrawing so much as a result of getting my BAC low enough so quickly for acceptance.

2.) They consistently left me in the dark. They did not give me or my husband any information about the program, aside from financials (money hungry much?). They did not give me a tour of the facility. They did not explain how anything worked or where anything was. I didn’t even know where I could have gotten more water to drink. Yes, I could have asked, but I was shaking and so sick because I was also detoxing that I thought I might have been seizures, because they gave me basically nothing that helped me with my withdrawals. I was suffering so much and they blamed it on me for not eating. Well, no shit. I was having severe alcohol withdrawals and loss of appetite is a common symptom. Not to mention the food that they offered wasn’t appetizing at all. I already have difficulty eating, hence the reason I was in the eating disorder department in the first place. Not because I'm afraid of getting fat. I'm happy with my weight and trying to gain more weight actually. Their solution was to give me Gatorade.

I have a history of alcoholism and have never experienced any withdrawals like this in my life. (and I drank much more heavily for much longer the other time I went to detox) They gave me medication that seemingly had no effect on me. I explained the medicine did not really do much, but all they did was up the dosage which still didn’t do much. In comparison, the last facility I went to years ago gave me a medication that actually worked for me. I never felt sick the whole time I was there after that first dose. (I also wasn’t overly medicated and they lowered my dosage each day, not increased it) I have also weaned/detoxed myself off the alcohol with no drugs and still never experienced any withdrawals like what happened at Focus. (Part 1/3)

(This is part 2 of 3 of my review) 3.) They absolutely refused to speak to my husband on the phone. Maybe for some that’s the best approach, but my husband is my rock, my foundation, my everything and we have never spent a day in 12 years where we have not at least spoken on the phone and 99% (98.8% I literally did the math) of those days we are together physically. I told them I wouldn’t be able to make it if they didn’t let me speak to him. I told many people who adamantly refused, which is ridiculous, because I was going through the most difficult sickness of my life and I just wanted to hear his voice. Just for a minute, so I could find the strength to keep going. I made it very clear how important this was to me. My husband had even spoken with the facility and explained that he was afraid I’d suffer separation anxiety and wouldn���t be able to make it without his support and asked if an exception could be made to best provide for my mental health. They wouldn’t allow it and couldn’t accept that there was not "one right way" for everyone. 

This facility needs to be more accommodating to the exact needs of specific individuals. DO NOT LET THEM MAKE YOU BELIEVE THAT THEY KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF. And as I mentioned before about being left in the dark, there was an EDA (eating disorder anonymous) meeting THAT evening which my husband could have attended. If I could have just waited a few more hours I could have seen him. But NO ONE told me about this. They told him, but of course he had no way of telling me directly and asked them to tell me to give me hope, but of course they neglected to do that.

4.) They could never give me clear answers on when I would get to see the doctor, therapist, or nutritionist. It was always just "well, you'll get to see them soon". It was so much uncertainty which is so difficult when I was in such a fragile state. As a side note, they told my husband I’d see the therapist the same day I checked in, but I only got to see her the next day AFTER I declared I needed to leave because the place was just too toxic for me.

5.) They wouldn’t let me brush my teeth. The nurse said it might make me vomit. Um ... I guess I don’t know about the average person, but having a clean mouth is going to make ME considerably less nauseated, so I had to sneak away to go brush my teeth. Something so simple and also important because I have a history of teeth issues. 6.) They go through your suitcase when you get there, which is understandable, but they took things out without telling me they took anything out at all. One of the things they took out was something called a Plexis Wheel. It's similar to a foam roller, just google it if you don’t know what it is. It helps pop, massage, and straighten out your back. First of all, why the fuck was I not allowed to have that? It's not dangerous in any way and I NEED it. I have chronic back pain from fractures I received a few years ago. Like 24/7 pain. They also took my yoga mat, because you know, that's dangerous. That's what I would have used to use the plexis wheel on, so I was in a panic when I realized I could not find them in my suitcase. I have so much pain and anything natural I can do to help with my pain I do it. (I don’t take any drugs or anything for it) A nurse also took away my fitbit off my wrist, because it "counts steps", which she assumed meant I was going to use it to lose weight, I guess. I was almost in tears, because I NEED know the time and date to stay in touch with reality, having this information keeps me sane. I don’t even pay attention to the number of steps most of the time. That was the worst nurse I had. She was such a pushy bitch. I wish I remembered her name. (Part 2/3)

(This is part 3 of 3 my review)  This brings me to my last and most significant point. At one point during my stay I was asked: "Have you done any of the following things recently?":

· Had suicidal thoughts

· Had homicidal thoughts

· Binging

· Purging

· Restricting

· Exercising

So of course, I said "only exercising". She asked if I had exercised since I'd been there. Obviously not - I was lying in bed shaking and dying. I could barely walk much less do any kind of exercise. I exercise, because 1.) my stretches, yoga, and exercise are the most significant things I can do to fight my chronic back pain. When I tried to explain this, they basically rolled their eyes and asked me sarcastically how working out/exercising could possibly help my back pain. I explained that it strengthens muscles, improves posture, etc. It was literally suggested to me by my orthopedic doctor as the only thing that can be done to help my condition. In addition, building muscle helps gain weight and increases your appetite, (which I'd been telling them the whole time that I’ve trying to do, not lose weight, but again they didn’t believe me, because of stereotypes. I even have to wear my wedding ring on a necklace, because it won’t even fit my finger anymore because I’ve successfully gained weight.) The nurse gave me a look like "ok, yeah, whatever". They just could not comprehend how working out could help my pain and the fact that I was actively trying to gain weight. 2.) Exercise is good for you emotionally, as everyone knows it raises endorphins. And 3.) I HAVE OSTEOPOROSIS. Google anything about it and it will tell you that the most important thing you can do to strengthen bones is to do heavy weightlifting. Who normally has osteoporosis at 28? PEOPLE WITH EATING DISORDERS. A facility that deals with people with eating disorders should know the benefits of this. I can’t explain my eating disorders (besides the fact that my mouth gets really dry and my teeth hurt and if I don’t like the food enough, then I don’t salivate enough, which become painful and therefore causes stomach problems from not chewing it properly) and I would have liked to have gotten help in figuring out ways to combat it, but obviously they are not educated enough for my complex situation.

Needless to say, I had to check out after about 24 hours. This was one of the worst experiences of my life. And the fact that they left me sick even though I told them the medicine wasn’t working (and certainly not the Gatorade). However, as sick as they said I’d be if I left after just one day of detox, and as many times as they told me that once my meds wore off I was going to be really sick again and that I might have seizures and/or die - That same evening I was home and sober with my husband (who got me food I could actually eat) and my kitties and plexis wheel and I felt great. I just think the stress the nurses were causing me was just exasperating my withdrawal symptoms and lowering my appetite. Again, that place was just extremely toxic for me and I'm SO glad I left when I did and will certainly never be back. I suggest you take all of this into consideration before admitting yourself because this is a neglectful facility that honestly could have been sued for malpractice, because I could have died. (I didn’t eat anything the whole time I was there, which was very dangerous in my given situation)

Whoever from the facility/company is reading this, one size does not fit all. I was SO optimistic that your program would have been able to help me, and I'm very disappointed and discouraged that it ended so poorly. It's facilities like yours that give mental health care to bad reputation, which in turn discourages people from getting the help they really need. (3/3)

I have been to hell and back just trying to post this review using 3 different emails address, 3 different browsers, 5 different devices, multiple IP addresses (with no success) and hours and hours of my time. I have never put this much effort into posting something online. I say all of this to say, this has not been a quick endeavor, but again this experience was so significant to me that it was THAT important to me to make others aware and also for my own mental peace. Thanks for reading.

[keishajay]

I meant for this whole review to go in one post, but damn, I had a lot of complaints, way more than I thought once I started writing them down.  Some are nitpicky; most are related to characters and writing choices.  For the fans of this series, I did enjoy this series for what it is, but I’ll never defend it as great literature.  It’s Sharknado levels of fun, and I live for stupid shit like that.  For the haters, enjoy.  Oh, and spoilers ahead.

Now, on to the cons, and hoo boy, are there a lot of them.  First, I was shocked to see this was labeled book 7 and not 6.  I had no interest in reading Tower of Dawn, as it was marketed as a side story novella.  Kingdom of Ash expects you to have read it and spends little to no time explaining who all these new characters are.  It’s not confusing, just annoying for those of us not invested in Chaol’s story enough to read the novella.  If you like Chaol, more power to you.  I just didn’t care enough about what was a sure outcome to waste my time reading a novella about him and only him.  Nesryn goes with him as well, but she was barely a character in the fifth (fourth? I don’t know anymore) book, more a cool background piece than a real person.  That’s not nearly enough for me to pick up an entire book.

Maas brings in four new “personalities” from Tower of Dawn that really just take up space and fawn over Aelin, just like everyone else.  Hasar is just a crabbier version of Aelin; Sartaq loves Nesryn and that’s it; Yrene is Chaol’s wife who’s a healer and that’s it; and Borte likes arguing with her fiance.  They might be more interesting in ToD, but here, they just read like cardboard cutouts.  They’re unnecessary and boring.

And speaking of unnecessary, there are WAY too many POV characters in these books.  What started with a handful of mostly essential characters has now become a library’s worth of them.  Even Lysandra’s ward, Evangeline, gets a couple POV bits to herself. Why?  They added nothing to the story aside from remind us that she was there and still alive.  More POVs should only ever be added to further the story or themes.  I kid you not, Elide and Lorchan are together for 90% of the last two books, and for some reason, they both have POV chapters.  Elide was already established and should’ve been the only one necessary, but you know, Lorchan’s hot so we should hear him angst too.  And that is all he does, by the way, angsts over Elide.  Hell, by the end, I was a little surprised Abraxos didn’t have his own POV chapter.

Maas also adds nonsensical things in to ramp up the drama.  The worst offender is the character Darrow.  He and TWO other old men boss Aedion around throughout this entire book, because... reasons, I guess.  They don’t recognize Aelin as queen, fine.  But they’re three old dudes against Aedion, who literally commands their entire army and the fire-bringer all the people in their whole country rally to.  If anyone can give me a logical reason why Aedion didn’t just ignore every order they attempted to give him, I’m all ears.  Instead, he tiptoes around them constantly and outright steals his own army from under their noses to do what he wants anyway.  Why?  They all know damn well Aelin is the rightful queen and they wouldn’t even have an army without her and Aedion.  She could crush them under her thumb, and they all know that too.  Hell, Aedion’s treason would even be forgiven in moments when she took her throne back from... no one.  Darrow isn’t even trying to be king of Terrasen.  He just doesn’t like the idea of this bratty teenager being his queen, and who can blame him?  Yeah, I know she wants her country to be different, but she can’t change anything from the sidelines when the old rules are the only things keeping those men in power over her.  There is no good reason for Aedion to obey any of their orders.  They can do nothing to stop him, and they all know it.  They are literally only there so Aedion has someone besides Lysandra to be pissed off at.

Speaking of Aedion being pissed off at Lysandra.  For the haters out there, yes, he has every right to be mad at her.  She may not have been the one to come up with this insanity, sure, but she knew Aelin suspected it might be necessary.  Telling the one person who foams at the mouth anytime someone gets within spitting distance of his cousin that maybe something terrible could happen to her, making this plan necessary, should be at the top of your to-do list.  She knew damn well what she was doing and how he would react the entire time Aelin was teaching her to play pretend.  He should be angry with her for not telling him what was going through Aelin’s head, not for following the orders of their queen.  Yes, him throwing he naked out in the snow was a major dick move, and I’m glad that she didn’t let him forget it.  What I don’t condone is his reaction to seeing Aelin again.  He just hugs her like nothing ever happened.  He’s an asshole to Lysandra for months, but he just forgives Aelin for everything as soon as he sees her.  I’m sorry but no.  I would’ve forgiven the entire conflict between him and Lysandra being tedious if he had just punched her in the face before he hugged her.  God knows she deserves it for all the shit she’s pulled over the course of six books.

So, I hate Aelin Galathynius.  Like straight up hate her.  She went from being a brat in the first few books to being the worst case of Mary Sueitis I have ever seen outside of self-insert fanfiction.  First, she’s a secret princess, a “twist” anyone with a brain could see coming.  She’s also somehow the best at everything she does, even though she shows no evidence of any of it.  How does the country’s best assassin get caught?  On top of that, how does anyone even know who the country’s best assassin is?  Shouldn’t hiding your identity be rule number one in the assassin handbook?  This shit-licker could’ve been any happy-ass teenager with a knife pretending to be this famous assassin when they caught her.  How would they know?  Answer, they shouldn’t have any idea (that would’ve also made for a much more interesting story).  So, not only is she the best at everything she tries for reasons, she’s also the only one in the whole damn world with fire magic, the only thing that can hurt the demons for a majority of the series.  And she doesn’t just have regular old everyday fire magic.  No, she has fire to rival fifteen suns going supernova at the same time.  She’s also the prettiest and smartest and nicest and snarkiest and funniest girl in the world.  She outsmarts someone thousands of years old who could’ve snapped her neck or dropped her in to a literal Hell with a flick of her wrist.  But no, Princess Mary Sue wants her new boytoy free, so the villainess has to get tricked into letting him go.  Now, let’s not forget she’s also the Chosen One who deus ex machinas her way out of sacrificing herself because no one can do anything without her there to save the day.  Seriously, no one ever wins anything unless she’s there.  It happens more than once in this book.  Her boytoy and company show up to rescue her from aforementioned villainess just as she’s breaking herself out, and they can’t get her chains off until she somehow shows them how to unlock them.  She then proceeds to get them out of the country through her magic of summoning deus ex machinas whenever she needs one, and they arrive just in time to rescue Chaol and Nesryn from certain doom.  She stops a cascading river with fire because science, and when all hope is lost back home, she shows up on a magical white deer with the Rohir- oops, I mean her army.  She also somehow holds off two of the most powerful creatures in the world with her assassin skills and barely any magic, because... villains have to lose, I guess.  You know what Aelin loses by the end of the book?  Her humanity, which she suddenly cares about ten pages before it’s gone.  Aedion lost his father and at least half an army at his command.  Manon lost the only people she really cared about in the whole world, and she could do nothing but watch them sacrifice themselves.  And Aelin lost her humanity when she’s already been living as a fae since book 3.  Oh God, how will she ever survive such a loss?  She is actually the worst.

These books, this one in particular, are clearly written with a younger audience in mind (much younger than me at least, and I’m 30), and I strongly believe the target audience is girls.  There is so much description of how beautiful the men in this series are that it almost borders on obscene.  I do appreciate having a clear picture of what characters look like, but I do not need to know about all the rippling muscles and long fingers that all the men in this series seem to have.  Even bookworm Dorian is described as being oh-so-sexy even though he doesn’t appear to have ever handled a weapon in his life.  There is a lot of pandering to the female audience, especially with the sex scenes.  In a YA novel, these are pretty inappropriate.  She started with sex scenes being a fade-to-black kind of event, and now, almost every single one is described in disgusting detail.  I like romance as much as the next girl, but if I wanted soft-core porn, I’d read romance novels.  To top that shift off, she still insists on using “rutting” as a substitute for “fucking,” and I think that’s what bothers me the most about the whole change here.  They are completely interchangeable in every context, to the point where I just read “rutting” as “fucking” every single time.  This isn’t Brandon Sanderson’s silly but story-appropriate swearing.  It’s just lazy writing.  And detailed descriptions of sex are okay, but swearing?  Someone call Takamata.  We need to start the Inquisition. (History of the World reference for anyone confused.)

This story ends exactly as you should expect it to, with a happily ever after.  None of the main characters die, and those with names go out as sacrifices, which is honestly consistent with the rest of the deaths in this series.  The deaths we do get are mostly to make the main characters feel bad for no real reason.  Aedion even flat-out states that Gavriel could’ve stayed inside the walls, and there is no argument, author or characters, as to why he had to go outside.  At least the Thirteen’s sacrifice makes more sense.  It was still pretty dumb to have them go out at all, but I don’t know if I could come up with a better way to destroy those witch towers.  What they did was noble and understandable in context, though there were probably any number of ways it could’ve been avoided.  I’ve seen Desolation of Smaug.  Just drop a dragon/whale/elephant-Lysandra on top of the tower before they even get it fixed up to move again.

One last complaint that I have regarding the ending is largely the villains.  There are three of them, and all three kind of go out like bitches.  Erawan, the dickhead pulling the strings since book 1, gets tricked and healed to death.  There are a lot of millennia-old creatures getting tricked into doing stupid things in these books.  Manon’s grandmother (who never gets a name by the way) gets blown up by Asterin.  Honestly, hers was probably the most satisfying end of the three because Asterin got the vengeance she deserved for her hunter and child.  Maeve somehow became the biggest threat halfway through the series, and she meets her end in the most extravagant fashion, impaled by Fenrys and then decapitated by Aelin and burned to ash.  What irritates me most about Maeve is she could’ve been great.  If anyone has read the manga, Magi, you know what I’m talking about.  Maeve is discount Gyokuen with half the threat and less than a quarter the sense.  Where Gyokuen is highly capable, both as a fighter and a politician, Maeve is kind of a pushover who gets tricked by our “heroes” numerous times.  She’s shown preparing for all sorts of unlikely eventualities, but she somehow can’t handle the plucky teenagers.  Give me a break.  From the moment you meet her, you know Gyokuen is going to be one of those bad guys that will require some clever thinking to defeat.  I felt like Maeve could just be snuck up on and murdered by anyone who knew her schedule.  Her last ditch effort against Aelin was clever, but other than that, she barely puts up a fight despite all the fear and hype she gets from almost every character in the book.

Now, like I said above, I did enjoy these books.  I don’t feel like my time was wasted or that I was manipulated by them at all.  I had fun with them the same way that I have fun with SyFy channel original movies.  The characters and story had so much more potential than what this amounted to, but I don’t hate this series at all.  Yes, the subplot with the gods was idiotic and unnecessary, but the valg were interesting as an enemy type.  Yes, the romance shoved down my throat could be awful at times, but some of the relationships were genuinely sweet.  Chaol and Dorian are the best bros, and I love Lysandra taking it upon herself to protect this little girl when she could’ve looked the other way.  Manon’s relationship with Asterin was great as well.  Do I wish it was better?  Absolutely.  Should it be boycotted by everyone?  Of course not.  Despite their problems, these books are fun, fluffy, popcorn movie fun, and sometimes, that’s just fine.

[willgayers]

uhhhh i need a reddie as parents hc

oh my god yes!!!!!

planned together w @remushlupin again

its also long again. do i even need to say this anymore??? all my hc’s are long i cant write them short sue me

lets assume they have a boy and a girl (*cough* neil patrick harris & david burtka *cough*)

so ever since the kids first arrived at the shared household of tozier and kaspbrak,,, richie would not put the polaroid camera out of his hands

he’d be taking pictures of the kids CONSTANTLY in every situation ever. bath time? absolutely. messy spaghetti for lunch? you bet your ass. play time on the floor? DEFINITELY. eddie changing the diapers? even then.  

“RICHIE ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RN?”

“well what! we gotta memorize everything!”

“nOT EVERYTHING”

richie’s also constantly emailing the photos to the rest of the losers because he’s such a proud dad

“this is rhiana eating. this is rhiana outside playing in the leafs. this is rhiana taking a bath. this is rhiana sleeping. this is rhiana —”

“okay richie great pics!!” (please no more)

“thanks! now here’s liam watching tv. here’s liam with the neighbor dog. here’s liam in his favorite overalls isn’t he just so CUTE—”

so many shopping for baby clothes!!! beverly’s also bought so many like every time she sees a cute baby overall or something she buys it immediately

they basically have so many colors like all the colors of rainbow

(obviously)

once the kids get a little older like around 4-6 all they wanna do is watch disney movies!!! and eddie and richie are down with it of course

just imagine reddie + kids movie night???? all of them cuddled up on the couch??? with a bowl of popcorn??? under a blanket????

mulan is rhiana’s favorite and little mermaid is liam’s favorite

richie of course learns how to do the voices to all the funny disney characters, his best ones are sebastian and mushu though and the kids LOVE them!!!! they love them so much and it just drives richie to do the voices even more so eventually eddie has to forbid him from doing them around bedtime because the kids will never stop giggling and every time they giggle richie’s heart expands like a trillion times so he will just continue with the impressions and it’s a CYCLE

in case you were wondering, richie’s the stay at home dad. i repeat, richie’s the stay at home dad!!!!!

he definitely does the laundry and dishes wearing a baby blue apron

eddie’s working 9 to 5 as an accountant and he fucking hates the job

richie and the kids decide to cheer him up and call him facetime calls and eddie’s immediately feelin better :“)

also. whenever eddie has to work a long day he comes back home to a ready bubble bath,, a warm prepped meal and a glass of red wine

eddie knows it’s gonna happen every time he’s coming home late but somehow he always forgets? so whenever he comes home and opens the door to see the dim lighted kitchen with a candle on the table next to his foil-covered plate and the wine glass he nearly bursts out in tears

richie’s a very caring husband™

but not that great with dressing up the kids

*one night when richie’s taking liam to the movies*

“honey … what is liam wearing???”

“he’s wearing fashion.”

“is that a… baby hawaiian shirt???”

“LIAM RUN TO THE CAR!!!!!”

anyway,,, how cute would christmas times be too?? like baking gingerbread cookies all of them around the kitchen counter together while listening to christmas songs ,,, richie and eddie forgetting about the kids for a moment when richie accidentally gets some red sugar frosting on eddie’s nose and eddie’s like “omg what did you do!!!” and richie says “you’re rudolph now” and boops his nose,,, and eddie just swoons and oh WOW they’re in LOVE and some disgustingly cute heart eyes to each other are exchanged before richie leans to kiss him and the kids go “EWWWWWWWW!!!”

imagining this just added 10 years to my life

richie literally spoils them SO MUCH

*reddie shopping for christmas presents*

“richie what is that?”

“it’s the doll house rhiana asked for”

“uhh yes and it’s also 200 dollars”

“,,, it’s the DOLL HOUSE ,, RHIANA ASKED FOR”

richie would fetch them the moon from the sky if they asked for it

also imagine the christmas mornings ,,, richie and eddie on the couch snuggled next to each other with cups of coffee/tea,, with smiles on their faces watching as the kids open the presents and it’s literally just the photo of a perfect family on a snowy xmas morning 

well lets fast forward a little again, the kids are like 8-10 now

rhiana has the prettiest dark, curly hair and her eyes are brown and beautiful

liam has light hair, it’s kind of like dirty blonde and he’s got blue eyes

rhiana has a lot of friends over all the time and eddie’s always making food and/or snacks and bringing them to the kids 

liam has like three good friends and they’re also constantly over but they’re mainly inside liam’s room playing video games. (or secretly listening to britney spears)

rhiana does karate and liam plays soccer

richie always drives them to school and practices ,, eddie always picks them up

they’re definitely at every competition/game cheering

“THATS RIGHT! KICK HIS ASS! KICK HIS ASS RHIANNA!”

that’s not richie by the way. that’s eddie

and at liam’s soccer games they definitely have the big foam thumbs and self-made cheer sheets

whenever liam scores richie’s gonna tap the person next to him on the shoulder and be like “tHATS MY SON!!”

and that one time when liam did the winning score,,, oh my god eddie screamed and richie accidentally threw his nachos to the air

at one karate competition, rhiana got kicked a little too hard and she fell on top of her shoulder, dislocating it

eddie and richie had sort of an argument after this,, whether or not they’re gonna let rhiana continue

eddie doesn’t want his daughter anywhere NEAR the karate ring anymore and richie thinks that if rhiana wants to continue she should

however she doesn’t want to do it anymore and richie notices she’s super sad all the time, so he suggests a new hobby and rhiana is like “like what?”

richie’s like well how about i teach you how to play guitar!!

rhiana learns acoustic guitar in like a freaking week and she gets so excited about musical instruments so she learns how to play piano and fipple flute and ukulele and wow richie’s so proud

liam gets interested in instruments too now that he has to listen to his sister practice in her room 24/7 (because of course richie bought her her own piano too), so liam learns how to play the bass

“kids, i think we should start a garage band!”

eddie cutting in between with slightly nervous laughter

“i think NOT, richie!”

lord knows eddie couldnt take it

times of horror ahead at the age of 12-13

so many “I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU BOTH!!!!“s

…because they weren’t allowed to play video games after 11pm anymore or go to slovenia with their best friend’s family or buy the shoes that cost 150$

(even richie’s getting a little strict now because eddie keeps on telling him this is your fault you spoiled them too much and now they walk around thinking im gonna buy them a fucking 2000$ smartphone)

richie’s hurt because his imitation voices aren’t funny to the kids anymore, instead they say he’s stupid and childish

wait did i say richie’s hurt? i meant richie’s heartbroken

because his kids his babies his best friends don’t want him around anymore they push richie away and rhiana even told him to ”get a fucking life, dad!!!!“

they definitely won’t let richie take any photos to the "baby photo” books that turned into a little longer than expected

so one night eddie walks upstairs to find richie crying in the bedroom with his head in his hands

“honey what’s wrong???”

“they hate me”

“richie they adore you. they’re just teenagers it’ll go away you know it”

and it does go away thankfully,,, and at the age of 15-16 they’re almost back to normal again. but now they’re just so teenagers

richie’s the good cop and eddie’s the bad cop 

one time liam comes home high

fun little fact; they’re looking after their neighbor susan’s cat for a week because she’s traveling and richie is stroking the cat on his lap as he speaks

(you know how bad guys turn around on the chair)

“well well well,,, look who decided to come home”

eddie has one leg thrown over the other and hands resting on top of his other knee with such a strict look on his face

liam goes pale as he turns around, his eyes are so red and he’s just. definitely not there

richie tilts his head

“are you… are you high?”

liam just looks at him before shaking his head slowly. like. way too slowly

“shit you got any left?”

eddie gasps and slaps richie’s arm who immediately then blurts out

“i MEAN— sHAME ON YOU, LIAM, THAT IS AWFUL AND THAT IS WRONG!”

later that night richie tries to get some sexy times but eddie’s still mad at him

“oh come on eddie it wasn’t that bad”

“yOU ASKeD yOUR SiXTEeN YEAR OLd SON IF HE HaD ANY WEED LEFt fOR yOU!!!!”

“…okay i guess it was a little bad but-”

next week rhiana wants to go to a party

surprisingly tho, richie won’t let her

she asks this over dinner and she on purpose asks this from richie directly because she’s sure he’s gonna say yes

“so dad there’s this party on friday and-”

“no.”

eddies eyes widen, rhianas jaw drops and liam raises his brows but he’s lowkey gloat that his sister gets told no for a chance

“what???”

“you heard me” richie just guides a piece of the steak to his mouth

“this steak is very good honey” he just speaks like he just didnt forbid something from his daughter

“thank… you”

“excuse me but why am i not getting to go to the party??????” rhiana is like uHhh WTF dad

“because i said so”

liam snorts

“OH MY GOD!!!”

“:)” richie

“but EVERYONE is going!!!!!”

“i don’t care you are not”

“LIAM WENT TO A PARTY LAST WEEKEND!!!”

“liam’s sixteen”

“I AM FIFTEEN”

“yes so wait one more year”

“!!!!UGH!!!”

liam decides to take advantage of this

“hey so uh, johnny invited me to this-”

“no.”

“???huh???”

“i said no”

“BUT YOU JUST SAID I COULD GO BECAUSE IM SIXTEEN”

“yes, and last weekend you got home high”

“BUT-”

“no buts. liam, you are… what do you call it…”

silence

“ah, right. grounded”

“GROUNDED???”

“really?” even eddie asks, confused

“YOU CANT GROUND ME A WEEK LATER, DAD”

“says who?”

liam is just gaping

“thats what i thought”

eddie’s lowkey turned on and needs to take a sip of some ice cold water in his glass

at the age of 17-18 liam starts dating some girl from his high school and both richie and eddie love her she’s a very sweet girl!!

she’s at the house constantly and now both eddie and richie realize that rhiana’s never once mentioned having a boyfriend?? and now they’re confused because she’s gorgeous and smart and funny and everything

richie thinks he’s such a scary dad that no guy would even dare to approach her

eddie just snorts and mumbles a "sure…”

one time eddie and rhiana are having some quality time together at the mall and eddie brings up the relationship subject even though him and richie agreed not to bring it up but hE CANT HELP IT

“so… any cute guys at your class?”

rhiana gets so pissed off and storms out of the restaurant and won’t talk to eddie for the rest of the day and eddies so confused like what did i do wrong??? honey i’m so sorry???? but rhiana won’t answer she just sulks for the whole car ride

when they get home she locks herself in the room and won’t come out and eddie has to tell richie that he asked her and richie’s like why would you do that and blah blah blah

anyway then richie goes up to knock on rhiana’s door

“GO AWAY!!!”

“it’s me”

silence

the door opens

rhiana’s eyes are all teary and her lower lip is shaking and richie’s heart drops at the sight

“,,,baby what’s wrong??”

rhiana bursts out in sobs and richie steps in to her room,,, pulling her to a hug and she just cries and cries

richie then asks again what’s wrong and suggests sitting down and talking about it

“i… the reason why i… haven’t… brought a boyfriend home is… because…”

“yes???” richie asks, his voice soft

rhiana sniffs

“honey you can tell me anything okay???”

“its because im gay, dad”

richie doesn’t say anything for a moment

it’s not because he’d be shocked but because why would his daughter feel awful about telling this to him??? to eddie?? her parents are gay,, she shouldn’t feel like this,,, but clearly something or someone has made her feel like it’s wrong and now richie feels so sad

“okay.” he just says

rhiana blinks

“o-okay?”

“okay. so you’re gay. lovely!”

rhiana lets out a stuffed-nose laugh

“really? that’s it?”

“well we can throw a parade if you want to”

rhiana just hugs richie and murmurs a “i love you dad”

she then gets the courage to tell eddie too and eddie tries not to cry because he’s actually so happy??? that his daughter is so brave to tell both him and richie ?? like he never would’ve had the guts and he never even did tell his mom he’s dating richie before they were 19 and richie pROPOSED but here his daughter is at the age of 17 ,,, and he tells her she should never be ashamed of herself and honestly the two of them have a long heart-to-heart conversation that really just,,, brings them so much closer than they ever were

liam,,, in his hetero relationship however…

“YOU BROUGHT A GIRL IN TO THIS HOUSE TO HAVE SEX????”

“eddie calm down. they’re eighteen-”

“SEX??? INSIDE THIS HOUSE??!!”

richie just ignores eddie and asks liam,,,

“just tell me you were at least using a condom?”

“yeah”

“a cONdOM??? YOU— oh MY GOD YOU KNOW WHAT A CONDOM IS!”

“baby isn’t that a good thing? the kids are being safe!”

“A CONDOM, RICHIE!!! SEX!! LIAM IS HAVING SEX!”

“okay can we PLEASE stop saying sex?!?!!,”

“THATS WHAT YOU’RE DOING! IF YOU’RE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO SAY IT YOU’RE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE IT!!!!”

“oh come on babe we were like sixteen when we first-”

liam gags and eddie gasps

that was a long, long night and a conversation for all of them. also painful

for poor liam especially

anyway overall they’re just the greatest family ever

ikea shopping together

painting the kitchen walls together and eating chinese takeaway food on the floor

disney land trips

family vacations 

movie nights

watching the ball drop from the tv at new years and shooting some fireworks from the backyard

(richie nearly set the house on fire once or twice tho)

when the kids were younger and it was date night and babysitters were needed…. losers club to the rescue!

stan and bill as godfathers,,, they always take the kids to museum tours or great restaurants

mike is their favorite because sheep,,, cows,,, chickens!!!! also he shows them pretty places and photos from when richie and eddie were teens which is funny because what the fuck is richie wearing and why does eddie have two fanny packs?????

ben and beverly always take them to cute ice cream shops or play board games with them

and when richie and eddie come back home/pick the kids up they’ve literally just missed them so much

PARENTS!REDDIE FOR LIFE

@superbyersbros @xbell22 @donthateonk8 @stenbroughbros@reddiebrekmyheart@itsgreywaterrichie @donvex @blueeyespurpleskies@ageorgymi@oh-youre-the-worst@eddiekaaspbraak @whipashwhipash @rissyq @richietoaster@edskasqbrak@urtury@bukiminajimu @kcutieeesblog @stansmansuris @adorefack @reddieaddict@icyeyes102@denbroughbill @graveyardshipper @taletellingsir@anxiety-freak-yuuri@rheddie@queertrashmouth @richiefreakingtozier@castletozier @tohzier @80soleff @lonewolfhard@low-key-dying @sad-synth @richietoaster @badboyharrington @beepbeep-losers@temptedtozier@kaspbraccs@kylieee827-blog @sad-synth @low-key-dying@officiallyreddie@reddietofall @stanleyboii @eternitynurarms@remushlupin@turtleneckrichie@rosegoldrichie @80srichie@asteroidbill@lonewolfhard @trashmouthgazebos @littlepointman 

[secreto-draco]

gert centric fic ,with hints of gertchase, exploring a bit of gert’s pan sexuality and early friendship with karolina. and also there’s molly.

fair warning people;

1)  gert is Jewish Latina cause the actress who plays her, Ariela Barer is  latina and jewish.

2) spanish is my 2nd language,and i have lived in a country,Chile-south america for 7 years,it’s been a bit over a month being back in the USA,so i speak castaño-meaning basic universal Spanish,with hints of Chilean slang,moreover my spanish grammar ins’t perfect so bear with me.

3)  i’ve left the ending open-so i could write one more chapter from either or  both gert’s and chases’ view -let me know if i should.

4) the time is kinda altered here-the astronomy project occurs a bit after Amy's death.

p.s shout out to @carolruwer who agreed to be beta.thank you so much :)

ill get out of your hair now;

It’s her 7th birthday, all the invitations clearly stated so, even the banner hanging overhead and the icing on the cake. But once again the father -daughter duo that is, Frank and Karolina dean have stolen the show. It shouldn’t bother her- she doesn’t like being on being in the spotlight anyways (it makes her anxious, kind of like her head’s underwater) and quite frankly [pun intended] it’s the norm. People and yes including, Gert Yorkes herself, can’t help but turn to Karolina when she floats in, she’s ethereal like a fairy or an angel or some being of light.

Yet Gert can’t help feeling bitter and invisible, even with a giant piece of cake on her plate that spells out her name in bold lilac icing, and a table set to the side holding gifts with tags that literally say,’’Happy Birthday Gertrude’’. Because right now, sitting on the edge of a circle with all her classmates, who only engage conversation and play with Karolina moreover, even the mothers who are supposed to be over with all the ‘’superficialness’’ and are supposed to be mature and nice to everyone, only happen to ‘’pop in’’ under guise of parental checking just to compliment karo, always with; ‘you look beautiful.’’ ,’’so sweet’’.

What is worse, is that after complimenting karo, they don’t stop to wish her a ‘’happy birthday’ they don’t even glance her way, instead choosing to go off to Frank Dean to loudly (seriously ladies chill) proclaim and shower him with compliments for his daughter; precious and remarkable. And to tell him that he’ll need to keep an eye out for boys, especially ‘’that chase stein.’’.

it burns her all the way down, fills her to the brim with shame, makes her cheeks red with embarrassment and her eyes sting with frustration and hurt. This party was a bad idea. She just wants it to be over, so everyone can leave, but unfortunately; there are games to play and ice cream to devour. So, it would take at least a few more hours till sweet solitude.

Amy and alex had left earlier to go inside to play video games in the living room, Karo is surrounded by her adoring ‘’public’’ alongside best friend Nico, Chase seems to be engaged with some of the boys playing soccer. Molly’s snacking on chips and pizza. Her parents are offering everyone their homemade cheese and joking around. Contemplating, maybe she could just slip up into her room to read, it’s not like anyone would notice plus she’s sad and bored, but just as she’ heading in,

‘‘hey Gert, you get the first try at the piñata. ’it’s chase, tone playful and boyish. Turning to him, she doesn’t fail to see his furrowed brows or his line of site. Chase, it seems, whilst clueless to her plan; has not failed to notice her on her own, or that currently, Gert is halfway inside through the patio door. He gestures to the bat he’s holding out to her, bringing a smile to her face. Giddy, she rushes off to make it rain candy.

Much later though, various parents gather them around for pictures and Gert’s perking up a bit, at least until she hears;

‘’Karolina, dear come stand next to Gertrude, you’re barely in the picture.”

Followed by;

“Karolina.come quick! I want to take a picture of you with the rest of your friends, you look beautiful in that dress of yours.’’

Standing next to Karolina who is glowing more than usual: flushed cheeks and shiny eyes from playing and laughing, not a single hair out of place and in a still crinkle-free baby pink dress and spotless white ballet flats, Gert feels less, in her army green shorts and purple blouse and old boots, long hair knotted and tangled, cheek scrapped. Rubbing salt to the wound is that, every picture taken focuses on Karolina. And the person who she feels closest too, her best friend, Chase looks just perfect on the left side of said blond blue-eyed girl, both beautiful and flawless; seeming to  fit together.

In the end, though, just before leaving, Chase drags his mom over to take a picture with his best friend and birthday girl, his proclamation making Gert’s cheeks warm; and Molly, appearing out of nowhere jumps on her back and sings, terribly off-key’ happy birthday’-and quite loudly , in her ear, just as Mrs. Stein clicks on the camera.

She may be invisible to the world, but Gertrude Yorkes has her parents and Molly and Chase, they always see her.

 2012

The ear-splitting bell had just released them from class and rushing out to meet the others in their usual corner in the playground.

‘‘Hey Gert, hold on a sec.” she barely hears him, but she stops. He’s short, a brown-haired kid with a combo of a weird smirk and smile;

With a rushed out ‘‘Hey thanks, ’ he starts walking with .Strange as it is, it’s also kind of nice, especially because everyone only talk to her just to ask her about-

‘‘So, you’re friends with Karolina?”. Of course. There is such a eagerness in his voice, making it obvious that he can’t play it cool.

‘‘Yeah”. She knows she’s being curt, but Gertrude Yokes doesn’t care.

‘‘And Chase, too? ’he keeps prodding.

‘‘Ye-’‘’

‘‘Do they, you know, like each other? Because I was thinking of asking Karolina to be my Valentine. And I want to know beforehand if she likes Chase or anyone else. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes or cause any problem” he’s being so boyishly nice and bashful and sweet. Damn Karo.

 No, I don’t know. And we’re eleven, we’re kids so we don’t normally talk about this stuff.’’ It comes out of her mouth in a rush, like strong waves crashing forcefully and loudly on the beach and the foam that’s left behind, dirty in the sand, gross and icky, is her embarrassment when she realizes what she said and how she said it.

‘‘bye, nicetalkingtoyou!” rushing the words out she power walks over to her friends, who are goofing off, Gert tries to ignore the burning in her heart and the way her blood is sluggish and cold.

Two weeks later, her card box only has 6 “Happy Valentine” friend cards, one from each of her friends: Molly, Chase, Nico, Karolina, Amy and Alex. 

‘‘Molly asked me to put hers in for everyone, because she wasn’t allowed to come in and do it herself” says Chase, with a shy voice carrying a similar box, except his is full. She smiles in response.

*Whistles* ‘’Damn Karolina, did the whole school give you a card?” and her smile drops, Karolina’s got two boxes, bursting at the seams, Nico next to her, has a full box as well. Her eyes land on Alex and she feels better and a bit of kinship: they’re both in the same boat.

‘‘You need help there, Alex? ’voice playful and laced with sarcasm, she tosses in a wink.

‘‘You got your hands full, Gert. Doubt you could help me with mine.” He answers with a wink back. Self-deprecating humor for the win!

‘‘Let’s head out, whose place are we hanging out this time? ’asks Chase, his voice strained, sharp and heavy.

huh. Weird.

2012

She’s arguing with some jerk, he calls her a bitch. And just as she’s about to respond it’s Karolina that’s softly, yet firmly, tells him to watch his mouth and to leave. It surprises her. For the rest of the day she keeps talking with Karo, hanging out and it’s nice. She’s sweet, sometimes sickeningly so, but she treats her with respect and talks to her even when it’s just the two of them.

Two days later, though, Karolina starts acting weird. They’re in Alex’s game room, their usual afterschool hangout, and the seven of them are making plans for the weekend. Gert proposes to watch a scary movie at the movie theater.

Karo and Nico share a glace and look at her weirdly, then Karolina says:

‘‘Gert” voice stern and tone chastising it doesn’t suit her, Nico, sure, but not Karo, who adds:

‘‘If you don’t want to go to the sleepover it’s fine, but don’t just assume we won’t go either’ ‘

‘’What sleepover?’’ asks Gert curtly.

‘‘Don’t play dumb. Eiffel’s slumber party, she’d invited all the girls in our class, back on Monday.’‘

‘‘I wasn’t invited” even though her voice is steady, she can feel the humiliation staining her cheeks and shame settling on her shoulders. ‘‘I didn’t even know.”

‘‘oh….Gert I’m sor-“ starts to say Karolina, but Gert’s quick to stop her:

‘‘It doesn’t matter, though it seems like you and Nico won’t be able to hang out with the rest of us.” Then turning to the others; voice strained and forcefully cheerful; “So, what’s the plan kids?’‘

That weekend Alex has an online video game thing, Chase has a lacrosse away match and Amy has a school project. So, she and Molly have their own sisterly sleepover. It is awesome, fun and cozy.

 2 months later;

Her friendship with Karolina has always been rocky. Karo’s a mama’s girl, the perfect girl, ethereal and nice. On the other hand, Gert is... well she’s Gert. They’re both too different, besides what friendship doesn’t have its patchy moments and difficulties. And moreover, it must be difficult for Karo to get along with her too. So, Gert tries, but things don’t always go smoothly.

Karolina usually has church things to go to, to be a face for it or just support her mother, but it comes in the way of their friendship a lot, mainly when Gert’s inviting her and the others to things, because if Karolina can’t come, then automatically no one ‘’can’’ come to her thing, whatever it may be. She tries not to feel snubbed and bitter, furthermore, her stance on religion doesn’t help, it usually just adds to the tension. Other times, it’s their differing personalities like now;

There’s a garage band that she hears off in the neighborhood which she wants to check out, but Alex isn’t into it, neither is Karo because, as she puts it, “loud angry music” is not something she’s into. She tries not to be offended or too sensitive about it and, ‘’luckily,’’ within seconds Chase is butting in offering up his plan. He does that a lot. He can’t side with either Gert or Karo so he always ignores the issue and friction at hand and proceeds to move the attention to something else. It bothers her that her best friend won’t stick up for her, especially when it’s against Karolina.

They end up hitting the Arcade and going for ice cream, Chase’s suggestion. And when she gets her period midway through, it’s Karolina who helps; handing her a pad and loaning her an extra pair of gym shorts.  Coming out of the bathroom, she shoots a thankful little secret smile to Karo, who returns it with a soft one of her own. And that little secret makes things a little bit better between the two of them.

2014

Getting to take music lessons is a fun 13th birthday present from mom and dad. And even though Gert knows without a shadow of a doubt that she really likes chase. There’s this girl who sits next to her with piel morena y pelo negro. She has shining black eyes that light up when she’s being mischievous and sparkle when she smiles. She is beautiful, but not the angelic kind like Karolina, her beauty has a sharp edge and ruggedness to it, as does her wit, which can cut you in half. Valentina is also kind and sweet and mischievous, a bit of a trouble maker. She and Gert start to hang out a bit after class and, within a few weeks, Valentina is a regular visitor at the Yorkes’ household.

For Gert it’s refreshing to have a friend outside of her usual group of friends and even outside of her school circle. More importantly, having becoming friends with Vale boosts her confidence, even though it shouldn’t. Now, when all her friends within the “pride group” have their own thing, she doesn’t feel pathetic anymore as she’s no longer alone when they’re all busy.

When with the group she doesn’t feel out of place because she now has a friend to share certain interests with. Her research on feminism, for example. Her parents are feminists so hearing them talk openly about stuff is liberating and researching and learning has opened her mind and she feels she is a better person because of it. And nowadays, thanks to being able to share this with Valentina, she doesn’t have to nervously ramble about it with her disinterested friends. She doesn’t need to ask them to go with her to check out indie bands or to join marches, she has her parents, Molly and Vale for all of that.

 A month into their friendship, she and Valentina have shared a kiss somehow,someway and in the end the details don’t matter, what is important is that it feels good. It’s different from kissing Chase, who was her first kiss when they were 12, they’d both wanted their first kisses to be safe and with someone they could trust, thus,with a touch of the lips, they’d kissed, but she’s not going to delve into that, too many feelings, too complicated for just a simple brush and press of lips. And that’s when it hits her, like a piano, loud and heavy and man it should have been obvious-she likes both boys and girls, and that maybe, maybe gender doesn’t matter to her. She’s attracted to Karolina, who’s both beautiful inside and out; she strongly likes Chase, who is someone she never wants to lose, someone who makes her feel safe, Chase who is all heart and soul. She likes Vale, who’s spunk and sweet and who shares interests with her, such as music, feminism and mischief, which she’s coming to like. Valentina who’s loud, who doesn’t make her feel small or shameful or patronized or last.

She continues to share little pecks with Vale sometimes, it’s nice and she likes Vale quite a bit, not as strongly as she feels about Chase, but that’s not something she wants to ruin with awkwardness with either of them.

Unfortunately, Karo catches her and Vale one day in Gert’s sound proof basement where they’re supposed to be working on a piece for Mr.Ashraff’s drums class, and the tensions rise too crucial heights. For days on end Karo’s quiet and tense and terse around her, spying on her through the corners of her squinted eyes- is Karolina homophobic? 

Thus, once again, Gert doesn’t feel quite safe in the group and is on the brink of frustration when one day the seven of them are hanging out in Alex’s game-room. After yet another side eye from Karolina, she bursts;

‘‘Got a problem, Karolina?” her voice cold and bitter and angry to hide the hurt and the anxiety.

‘‘no.”

‘‘okay, good.”

‘‘good.”

‘‘I’m going to get some more soda” walking out to give herself a moment ,to reign in.she’s not alone,

‘you two okay? asks Chase in a soft yet concerned voice, sharing a worried look with Molly.

‘‘yeah. of course.’’ she’s lying so obviously lying, and by the looks on their faces, molls and chase know too.

She needs to avoid this confrontation, so Gert rushes back into the room and throws herself in her spot, pretending to look busy on her phone.

Craving something sweet Amy drags them all to timely for baked goods and frappes.

It takes her a bit to decide, but eventually she gives her order hesitantly to the annoyed barista. Gert feels accomplished, she doesn’t how or why she feels so uncomfortable at times, but she isn’t going to let it control her, she’s going to own that bitch one day.

“Oye bandadia’,(hey badass/bandit) calls her a teasing voice underlined with pride, for her? She turns so abruptly that she gets whiplash, and it hurts her neck. And yes, she isn’t hallucinating, it really is Valentina giving her a teasing smile with those shining lit up eyes.

‘Cállate cabra, probaste el vanilla frappe?” (shut up weirdo [goat],have you tried the vanilla frappe?)  she manages to answer reigning in her nervousness. She’s still a little anxious about her order, but still, small victories, besides it’s seen as making conversation.

‘No, pero mi hermano sì y le gusto” (No,but my brother has,he liked it)Valentina tone ringing with teasing and smug and her lit up eyes, she knows, ugh, the little shit.

“ah, okis, hola” she says almost as an afterthought after realizing she hasn’t properly greeted her yet. leaning in to touch her cheeks and to make the kiss sound, only Vale kisses said cheek loudly. Afterwards, Gert can feel her cheeks warm and can also feel the group’s eyes on her, well not Molly’s because she knows Valentina and greets her the same way Gert did, except this time Vale doesn’t peck her cheek. So much for playing it cool. Proceeding to do the introductions to try and keep the attention away from her, more specifically Karolina’s, who is starring-hard. ‘‘everyone this is Valentina, a friend of mine from music class, vale, everyone.’’.

Bit’s only when they are back at Alex’s place that they start questioning her;

“what was that thing that you did and why did she kiss you on the cheek?” surprisingly it’s Chase. is it her or is he sounding rather insistent? And what is he prodding for?

‘‘She’s Chilean, now American Chilean, and in South America kissing each other cheeks or pretending to and just touching and making the sound is a common way of greeting people. And since she misses her home country, and since both Molly and I are Latinas, ‘I’m  Jewish Latina, she’s asked us to greet her that way.” Gert automatically answers,it comes out sounding like she’s tossing in an obvious factoid-good, cause she’s anxious right now.

‘‘Oh..That’s sweet of you. ...and Molly” with a soft breathless voice and melting eyes. She doesn’t understand why he does that with her sometimes and she’s not sure she wants to know because it does things to her, and she doesn’t want to dig into that either, shit. are her own eyes doing the same? So, she lowers her head and fiddles with her frappe’s straw to keep herself busy.

‘but a kiss on the lips is just a kiss ’‘she can’t be serious.

‘‘‘Yes, a kiss on the lips, it’s usually universally meant for, you know, either love or lust or whatever people feel when they kiss.” Nope. She’s not going to let Karolina get to her. She won’t look at anyone or anywhere, yup she’s just sipping her frappe, it is delicious.

‘‘Gert?” just the sound of her name and how can someone sound so vulnerable and quiet and yet loud and baleful with only just a one-syllable word. But that’s just how Chase is. She makes the mistake of looking up at him and his whole stance has shifted, he’s tense, standing with his back straight, jaw clenched, Adam’s apple bopping, neck muscle pounding and his brown chocolate eyes are the color of burning onyx and are showing swirling hints of pain, sadness, anger and a few other things she can’t really discern. The air around Chase, chase is heavy and charged.

‘‘Valentina and I have shared a few kisses.... I’ve come to realize that I like both girls and boys, I don’t care about gender to be honest.” Her voice is quiet and firm, but she can feel the fear stirring up in her. She has realized she’s either bi or pan-sexual (yes, she’s been researching) and these people won’t be her friends if they’re not okay with it. She has her parents and Molls whom she has spoken with and have accepted her and they don’t love her any less because of it.

She’s tall and defiant, pushing down the fear; no one says anything but her sister comes to stand beside her, tan hand on her shoulder,squeezing, giving love and support, Moll’s brown eyes locked on the rest of the pride kids, cold and alert.

Looking at Chase and she sees that he has changed yet again. Now he’s looking at her softly and openly, but his eyes are still the color of onyx with all that swirling darkness, his aura is lightly tinted with loss and anger, his stance has relaxed, his arms hang loosely on his sides, but for some reason he looks defeated.

‘‘Chase?’ her voice comes out tentative, even she doesn’t know what she’s asking for. Acceptance? Understanding? to at least say something?

‘Gert” he says openly, standing in front of her, “you’re my best friend, always”, and she’s tearing up and she can’t take it anymore, so she clutches him to her and his arms wrap around her tight. Then he releases her, but plants himself on her right, throwing his arm around her shoulders, clutching her to his side giving her safety and support.

‘‘I don’t get it, but it’s okay. ’Nico says and then her, Alex and Amy and even Karolina all pull her in for a hug. It’s one of the best feelings ever.

 Later she is left alone with him., everyone having left for their own homes but chase had come and stayed at her place, and Molly’, had feigned tiredness and retired to her room, the little sneak.

‘‘You like her, Valentina I mean?’‘he’s looking at her inquisitively.

‘‘I kind of do.” She keeps quiet and for some reason she feels guilty like she’s said something wrong. She and Chase have a well-balanced friendship that’s bordering on domestic, it’s easy going, even though sometimes it feels like a relationship to her; just without the label and the kissing, but it’s not and it’s best to break out of it now because he doesn’t like her, at least not like she likes him so it’s better to try and move on.

‘‘Are you or will you be dating her?” the more they talk the more dejected and frustrated Chase sounds.

‘‘No and no. I kind of like her, but I don’t want to be with her that way” she answers quietly.

‘‘Why?” 

“I don’t know. She asked me on a date and I said no, because it didn’t feel right. Don’t get me wrong, kissing, it’s more like pecking to be honest, we’re still kids, pecking her it’s nice, but maybe I’m too young to date or maybe I can’t give her what she wants. She wants to build an established relationship in the future and Vale’s feelings are so much stronger than mine. I feel like we’re friends and we’re figuring things about ourselves, being bi or pan or whatever, it’s a slow road we’ve just found ourselves walking, and at this age.... She was disappointed with my answer but she accepted it. She’s asked for some time and space before we can go back to being friends.’’ It’s the truth, those were the things she told Vale except Gert’s leaving out another part, the one where she feels too strongly about Chase to entertain getting in any kind of relationship with somebody else. It wouldn’t be fair to Vale or herself. But there’s no chance in hell that she’s going to tell Chase that. Luckily, though, Vale understood and gracefully bowed out.

Gert, she’ll come around and be a friend to you again. Though probably time and distance will be good for both of you.” 

‘‘I know” she answers pulling him in for yet another tight hug that day “Thank you, Chase’’ She’s pouring all her feelings in that hug and drowning in his security, she knows she’s putting herself on the line but it’s ok for now, she will chastise herself later for it.

During the next music class Vale doesn’t sit next to her or smile her way or even glance at her. And somehow the class had lost some of it’s luster. Within 2 months Vale and her family leave for Miami to be closer to her abuelita.

It’s stupid for her too feel sad, because she lost her friend long before she left,since they weren’t even speaking. But Gert can’t help but feeling sad for weeks until Molly has had enough and crawls into her bed and cuddles with her bringing her love and warmth and sunny, positive and reassuring feelings. She’s so lucky to have her.

The pride kids don’t treat her any different, except for Chase who listens to her, pays more attention to Gert and her rants, and asks her questions when he doesn’t seem to understand and needs further explanations. This is not a bad thing.

Though,looking back, Chase has always like this, constantly careful not to hurt; he checks his words when he does speak, he’s mostly quiet in serious matters instead choosing to absorb and think. It does make him passive at times-it annoys her, cause why won’t he just take a stand! dammit! He’s extra gentle with his strength. It’s heartwarming cause, God this boy is patient and he’s good to his core. He’s witty beyond measure, matching her in battles of wit and snark, which makes him even hotter, if that’s even possible. And Chase is a dork and a closeted theater junkie who likes to apply red tinted lip balm and rock out to “wake me up before you go go”.

 2015

Amy’s dead. Alex didn’t show up to the funeral. Nico’s shut down. Karolina’s helpless. Molly is sad and won’t leave her room. Chase is furious because Wilder didn’t show up, so he’s concentrating on lacrosse and his physique. And Gert has being losing sleep and is overall, just losing it.

All of them are drifting apart, but at least Molly comes back to her, crawling into her bed, holding her tight so that no one could snatch Gert away and asks for her lullaby.

Days turn to weeks and then months. Her phone keeps quiet. None of them can stand to be together, so even calls or texts are too difficult to fathom and even at school they avoid each other.

She doesn’t know exactly what’s going on with the others, their absorbed in their own lives. Nico looks buried with guilt. Karo seems to feel helpless so she’s running off to the church. Chase is always looking angry and is slipping into the role of the popular jock living the typical high school life.

Gert develops anxiety and panic attacks, she starts to go to therapy accompanied by Molly -God does she loves Molly.She makes the careful decision to use the doctor’s prescribed pill. With the help of her family, the exercises she’s learnt from therapy and the pill, does she start to get better.

Though after a particularly bad panic attack, her long, long hair was a stressor. [Sentient tentacles pinching and chocking, wrapping around her neck, crushing it and crawling into her mouth and down her throat.] she gets a slightly layered bob with bangs. And purple, from an eco-friendly brand, because she needed the change, something to break out of the after the stifling aftermath that was Amy’s death and the disbanding of the group.

she’s doing alright and life without her friends, the pride kids and Vale, is slowly becoming her new normalcy. 

At least it was, until she gets partnered up with Chase in astronomy. When the professor announces it, Eiffel snorts and proceeds to reassure Chase, who is sitting in front of her, that she’ll Snap him to keep him company. Gert feels her blood freeze and tries to control herself because she can’t lose it now.

[stefandesofia]

Stories from the Unliving Ch 4

“So you’re the girl, huh? I have to say, quite a looker. I was really expecting worse, knowing the guy there, but hey, glad to be proven wrong!”

“I would really appreciate you not insulting me, thank you for that” said the young man. “She’s real intelligent and was very curious about meeting you”

“I bet! I’m not your run of the mill, pond-dwelling skeleton, that you meet in most other lakes. No, I also have some pretty fat fish too!”

“No need to be aggressive like that, she just wants to talk to you”

“Fine, fine, sorry. What did you want to talk about? ...... Hello?”

“She actually can’t speak, and uses her little writing board to communicate”

“Ah, sorry, my bad. But yeah, just write your messages and I’ll just work with that. ...... Ah yeah, I don’t know my name, don’t remember it any more. I already explained this to your friend here, but I’ve been alive for over 30.000 years, so a lot of the early stuff is gone. Stuff like who I was, family, friends, but after meeting soooo very many people, doing soooo many things, nothing gets left. It’s like, the more I learn, and experience, the closer the cutoff gets. The first thing I remember, at this point is when my flesh had just started to decay”

“He speaks the truth, but even still, he remembers so many others! He is a veritable academy’s worth of knowledge.”

“Sure, why not. ...... I mean, I live here, it’s my home, I don’t need to breathe or eat, or whatever, so I’ve made my home at the bottom of the pond here. I moved in here about 7000-8000 years ago, I had a house, actually, right over there, but decided that the upkeep on that is way more than I can be bothered with, so instead, I carved some stone furniture, and pushed it in the water, the house just degraded over time, and by now, the only thing you can see left of it, is that stone over there. That was my fireplace. Never even used the thing, it was just for aesthetics”

“I never realised you had a house here. I had assumed you’ve always lived in the pond itself. What made you go under the water?”

“Folk like you, actually. Or, I guess, how you were. Swords and armor, and ‘begone foul beast’ while I was just chilling on my porch. ...... I mean, I can’t die, so why would I fight back? Furthermore, I’m a pacifist, and I really try to be non-confrontational, sort of, you don’t mess with me and I don’t mess with you. And honestly, even if you do mess with me, as long as you don’t go too far, I won’t be doing much.”

“But what about your honor? Do you not feel the need to defend what you stand for? Why, if someone were to attack my home, I would pick up a sword and punish the person myself!”

“I’m sure you will. But again, non-confrontational, and I just don’t care too much. Obviously, you try messing with my fish, I will mess you up. I have stuff that you primitives can only dream of, and even then. ...... No offence, it’s just very high technological level. Even I only get the general idea of how it works. Something about deionizing your atoms, doesn’t ‘cut’ in the traditional sense, but more like, takes you apart when getting close to the edge. ...... Nah, haven’t used it in a long time. Last I did was for carving the stone furniture down at the bottom. It works on almost everything that the blade approaches.”

“It sounds like a mighty weapon! If that got into the wrong hands, it could mean disaster for maybe a whole kingdom!”

“I mean, yeah, but they have to actually come here, go through me, dive to the bottom of my pond, which isn’t very shallow, I’ll have you know, get the blade, and then still fight their way through to using it. ...... Nah, I don’t think I will, it’s perfectly safe where it is. I mean, only the two of you know about it, so if someone else was to find out, I’ll know who to blame.”

“I would never betray your trust like that!”

“It’s happened before, it will happen again. It’s human nature. But it doesn’t bother me too much. Always expect the worst and you can never be disappointed, I always say. ...... You’re dark! I’m a realist! And besides, I have my fish, and yeah, technically they mostly just are here for the food and the great environment I’ve created for them here, but they can’t betray you, since, you know. They’re fish. Yes, you Pete Liv! ...... Oh, this is Pete Liv. Say ‘Hi’ Pete Liv. ...... His called Pete, but he is the 54th Pete that I’ve had, so Roman numerals, that’s LIV.”

“What’s a Roman?”

“Errr, they used to be this real big empire thing a looooong time ago. I really don’t remember the details any more. I think someone stabbed someone else? Maybe the other way around? Who cares? Think it might have been over the throne.”

“Any good kingdom would never follow someone who took the throne by stabbing the previous leader! It’s just undignified and downright evil! The people will never trust a person who relies on violence to lead them!”

“Congratulations, you just discovered the basis for democracy. ...... That’s a way of governing people where basically, anyone eligible puts their name down on a list and the people get to choose who they like most. Supposedly it isn’t rigged, but there’s always someone paying for votes. ...... Well, if you’re the previous president, you’d want to keep being that, since you get quite a lot of benefits from it, and the pay’s nothing to shake a stick at. So, with your vast amounts of money that you have from, well, being you, you just invest a very small portion, and pay out enough people to tip the scales in your favor, so you keep staying in power, and you keep getting all the benefits and money, and whatever.”

“I am getting confused now. Is this system a good thing or not?”

“It’s complicated. You’ll get to it eventually, but from what I can tell you’re still pretty early in the development, so monarchy it is! ...... Well, I’m still alive, but I get your question. Don’t remember, to be honest with you. I’d guess we went through a bunch of different options. There was likely a monarchy, democracy, tyranny. Dunno, maybe some others. I’ve seen quite a few governments after that, that had all sorts of varied styles. I told your friend here about that time I was an evil overlord, and put forth an age of prosperity for all involved. Until I got bored, anyways.”

“It’s true, It was an amazing tale to behold!”

“There was just so much infighting, and the previous ruling class, hoo boy, they weren’t happy I overthrew them all and made them all potato farmers. Apart from me, literally, everybody else was equal. Everybody got an equal amount of food for free, everybody got an equal living space for free, equal pay, equal everything. Took a while to tear everything down, and the people with the big houses, they really didn’t like me. But you get used to conformity. It’s easy to have everything provided for you.”

“The way you put it, that reminds me a little of the tyranny that you mentioned.”

“It wasn’t like anybody was suffering, I had knowledge of past ages, of more advanced medicine, that I implemented, so everyone was unnatural healthy for the age that they were in. I remember, one time they brought in a guy that was bitten by an animal. Foaming at the mouth, super excitable, trying to break free, clearly rabies. And the people were basically asking me if they should let him in the woods so he can die without causing trouble for anyone else. I just laughed, took a syringe with the vaccine and injected him. Within a few hours he had calmed down, and within a few days, he was back to farming potatoes, or whatever it is he was doing”

“That was a very good thing to do, helping a man. We have this same illness in our time too, but we call it Mad Eyes, because of the look people get when they catch it. It’s amazing that you can heal it! You would be able to save so many people, if you wanted to!”

“Nah, not in the superhero business any more. I had that phase for a while, but got over it pretty quickly. Did you know everyone just expects heroes to do their heroing just because? And without any form of compensation? I didn’t really mind, since I didn’t need to eat or had the need for money, other than just fixing what was broken from my equipment, but someone that needed to eat, pay rent? They couldn’t keep a regular job because of all the time from it they’d had to miss. So that whole thing was short lived.”

“But you had the opportunity to save people, and do the ultimate good! Why would you give that up?”

“Ultimate good doesn’t buy toys! I didn’t just sit in some cave staring at the bats on the ceiling until I would hear someone calling. I had hobbies, and did things. And volunteer work doesn’t pay for a new graphics card. ...... Old technology, but somehow always gets inventent. Guess it’s real perfect in the way it works. I’m sure in, oh, I’d say, 7-800 years, you lot will also have those. too. But when I said ‘always gets invented’ that reminded me, did you know crabs have evolved over 15 times, completely separately from each other. It’s like nature really wants those things around. I just imagine Mother Nature being like this breen nerdy chick in an oversized turtleneck sweater, and she’s totally obsessed with this cute little crab picture with shiny eyes and everything, so she just keeps making them, just having crabs everywhere. ...... You don’t know what a crab is?”

“We’ve never heard of such an animal! What manner of mighty beast is it?”

“Ha, I wouldn’t exactly call them beasts, but picture these 2 large blacksmith tongs on its forelegs, and another 6 legs that look like spikes, 3 on each side, with a squat little body, and everything is covered in this real hard armor. You really never heard of them?”

“They sound terrifying, why, even I might be taken aback by such a foe!”

“Less of a foe, and more of a dinner, to tell you the truth. They were pretty good, as far as I remember, though I haven’t exactly tasted them in a very long time, so who knows. You know, I haven’t exactly seen any around either, so they might have gone extinct in the time I’ve spent here. Imagine Mother Nature grew bored of the things after some time, ha! But I’m speaking too much, you guys tell me something, how did you meet?”

“Oh, that’s a wonderful tale! I had just arrived into town, armor shined, and chin high. You know, this is my first real adventure, as I have only trained before.”

“That would explain you actually talking to me. All the old grizzled veterans really just went to kill me usually with a yell that is supposed to be scary, but honestly, it’s just stupid, flailing about like madmen.”

“Of course, noone benefits from a shout in combat and you would only distract yourself by doing so, it is the basics of armed combat.”

“I personally prefer the completely silent approach, where I just wipe the floor with the opponent, without so much as saying a single word. That way the victory is sweeter! ...... Ah yeah, sorry, you were saying?”

“Ahem, yes, and I was looking for work. At first, everyone would walk past me, not looking at me. Even in the tavern, I would only get single word responses from the owner. It was likely how young I look, and noone trusted in my skills.”

“I have to say, you do have quite the baby face”

“Well, I was getting desperate, and it was soon becoming night time. I had just stuffed my pack under my head and trying to go to sleep on a bench in the town center, when she walked by! She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen! Her hair - perfectly styled, the dress - waving behind her, her eyes - reflecting the street lights. My mouth was agape! Then I saw a shadow following her. It was a hooded figure, but it was clearly a man. I decided I would follow. The figure was just staying out of sight for her, and me - out of sight for him. Eventually, she was about to go home, when I saw the man rush towards her, taking out a dagger. I acted before I could think, drawing my blade and throwing it at the man, who got pierced, let out a loud yell, alerting everyone of his presence, and most importantly, alerting her. ...... Aw, think nothing of it, I would have done it for anyone, but for you, it gave me great joy to be able save you, as I did. But she was quite terrified, so she rushed inside.”

“And you just kinda, killed a guy, and happy end?”

“Not exactly. While I was cleaning my sword, some city watch arrived, and questioned me about what had happened. Apparently, the man was a well known tanner, and he was doing a good job at what he did, and I was just a stranger that had walked into town and had killed a person. Well, things were starting to get fiery, when she came out, and defended me! Using her little board, she explained to the guards what had happened, and how I saved her. They let it go, and took the body away, while she invited me over for dinner and she let me stay the night, in front of her fireplace, so I don’t freeze outside.”

“Well, that was sweet of you. He was a stranger to you, a guy with a bloody sword, essentially, yet you defended him. Not many people would do something like that... ...... No no, Just thinking out loud. Do you guys have any plans for the evening?”

“Yes, we will be having dinner in this eatery hall in town - The Black Goose. I’ve heard that they have this special type of roast, where they first boil the whole cleaned goose in lard and herbs for 4 hours, and then roast it on an open flame so it gets this well roasted outside, and I have just been anticipating going there.”

“What do you think? ...... Yeah, it does sound a little heavy, but maybe they have some vegetables they made in the lard. Good luck on your date!”

“I am not familiar with that word, but we will make sure to enjoy our outing, won’t we?”

“You do that! And tell me how the duck is tomorrow!”

“We’ll bring some back for you.”

“You do realise I can’t actually eat it, right? Like, I have no mouth”

“It matters not, as I like to say, what truly matters is that the people close to you, paid you mind.”

“A little clunky and long, don’t you think? Wouldn’t ‘It’s the thought that counts’ work better? Same meaning, just a little shorter”

“Hmm, I do prefer my version better, but I thank you for your input. I truly do value it! Well, we’re off! We’ll see you later!”

[boglog]

Wholesome Questionare Tag Meme

Tagged by @80sglamcowboy Rules are: -Post the rules -Answer the questions given to you by the tagger -Write eleven questions of your own -Tag eleven people

This is long as Hell, friends and I apologise.

One inquisitive bitch has asked me:

1. Name one person (real or fictional) that you think you could 100% take on in a fight

Foaming mouth guy from Avatar. He’s got no stamina, barely any health, no skill. He’s unfocused and weak and my noodley nerd-ass could take him. (Though I am a little concerned he has rabies.)

2. What’s your favourite snack rn

Grilled cheese w veggies, mustard, and grilled tofu w a side of ketchup made by my roommate. It’s honestly the purest thing.

3. Which apocalypse do you think you’d do the best in? (i.e. Nuclear winter/ robot uprising/ Too many vampires, etc)

O man. I love apocalypse movies and I love survival horror (that one episode of the X Files where they’re trapped in a cabin, anybody?). I also genuinely love camping and I’m a bit of a medical hobbyist. I also watched an unreasonable amount of prepper videos on YouTube. That said, as mentioned above, I am a couch potato weekling. Furthermore, I don’t do well in conflict so if the world hierarchy collapses into a power vacuum where you have to Orange is the New Black-style intimidate ppl for supplies, I would melt and die quickly.

My best bet, it would seem, is an Arrival-esque alien apocalypse where the ones who have enough patience and sci fi knowledge to communicate w aliens are at the top of the food chain. And worst case scenario it’s better for my ego to die at the hands of an alien than a human.

Sci go apocalypses are just cleaner y'know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


4. Best and worst fandom you’ve been in? Or have you somehow managed to avoid fandom completely?

Worst has to be Steven Universe. I regret not just moving on after I got bored. Ah well.

(I also think celebrity/real ppl fandoms are a dead end.)

My other fandoms all have various pros and cons and it’s hard to pick a favourite.

Adventure Time has great fanart, great meta and ppl have yet to descend into Homestuck-ian chaos. That said, they’re quiet af. People also fixate way too much on the fake fanfic AU Fionna and Cake. I have yet to read a really good Bonny/Marcy fic and that is a tragedy (a few have come close tho). Bottom line for AT tho is that it’s my go to wholesome cartoonist fandom. I like that it has depth but that it’s generally very simple and fun and that the fans are mostly shut in animation adults.

AtLA/LoK fandom’s biggest pro is that it’s huge and you literally never ran out of quality content. I’ve even made a few friends via this decade old franchise. It’s also enjoyably rich and complex. One of my favourite (now inactive) blogs was one that connected world building and little background Easter eggs to real Chinese history and culture. That wAs so cool!! I defs think as a Chinese person it allowed me to connect to non-western culture in a socially acceptable way.

The downsides tho are many: it can be overwhelmingly complicated (esp as someone who knows jack shit abt Chinese history), people take it too seriously, The Great Shipping Wars, it’s so big it’s a little lonely, the show itself has so many flaws upon greater inspection you wonder why you wasted your time on anything related to it, it’s an Asian themed story created by white dudes who make fun of their fans, the best parts of the show were written by other writers but those same white guys get k the credit. Also as w any fandom related to POC culture, racism happens. Anyways most of you know this already. IMO the best thing to have happened do the fandom is korrasami. Now it’s just abt Asian lesbians ruling the world.

(Though I also thoroughly enjoy the Family Rivalry part of the fandom. There are so mNy dysfunctional families to choose from!)

Rick and Morty is technically speaking my newest fandom. It’s got a lot of obvious cons (pickle Rick sexists, Szechuan sauce racists, asfhkkh incest) but one other con is just how pedantic and overly analytical people are abt the world building. I can’t breathe wo being corrected. RM has a misleadingly complicated high sci fi aesthetic that begets the kind of overanalysing my brand of overanalytical nerdiness can’t handle. Too many alternate universes. It’s just too complicated.

However one thing I like is that conversely I can overanalyse the writing and characters’ psychology/relationships (which I LOVE) and ppl take me very seriously. (At least they used to.) it’s kinda validating to have your 3k word essay on an old man’s bedroom and what that signifies for his depression get over 1k notes.

Rm also attracts the fun, super talented animation crowd so there’s boundless fanart and memes. I never knew I would like a gravity falls crossover retirement home AU btwn Rick and Stan so much but the art is objectively gorgeous?? So ??

I really dislike the lack of attention the female characters get from fandom bc they’re all really great? Female rep is limited but both canon and fic really do their 2-3 tokens justice. Also the jerry hatred is getting old (that male aggression… Like… Calm down, Jake) but it’s a refreshing departure drom when Megg from family guy was the butt of the joke.

Harry Potter, one of the pillars of nerd society, has both changed my life and irreconcilably annoyed me to death. (W no thanks to the racist creator herself!) One can’t underestimate how huge the hp fandom is which offers you as many reasons to love it as reasons not to. Harry Potter’s canon has complex world building that’s also charming enough not to take itself too seriously and much the same could b said of fanon. To a degree. Certain corners of the fanbase are fantastic shitposters and meme-ers and can draw you back in like a black hole. Casually enjoying Harry potter imo is where it’s at. The fanfic is probably one of the most impressively vast. Strangers at Drakesaugh, believe it or not, still updates and not only that, I still read it.

Not casually enjoying Harry potter is, um, yikes? HP and Hunger Games love to insert themselves appropriately in real life political traumas and honestly the dedication of the fandom can be overwhelming.

The HP fanart corner of deviantart circa 2010-12 and @flocc HP comics however are the best.

Meet the Robinsons, Ye Olde Fandom, still stands to this day. (Thanks in part to me ngl) As Iroh might say, they are a proud people. MTR is so bizarre and tiny it’s the only fandom I was able to read EVERY fic summary in existence (ones published on obscure sites excepted). The fandom has never ceased to surprise me for better or worse and mostly due to its age range. The original movie was intended for 8-12 yr olds and their (jaded) parents which means that now, ten years later, the fans are anywhere between 12 and 25. It has approximately 20 pieces of professional-grade fanart and fic and I am downright serious abt the quality and thoughtful complexity of this minority of fanart. Like I shit you not some of it’s almost too dark. However, tragically, one can’t talk abt obscure Disney fandoms wo also mentioning the incest ships (this is what happens when middleschoolers have to resort to cartoons to explore their sexuality in an anti sex ed world), the disorganised crossovers, and the blinding lack of imagination. Nonetheless, that a fandom of any kind could sprout from a 90 min cgi movie before the recession, based off an obscure but objectively fascinating children’s book, is still impressive. The fandoms smallness can in many wars work to everybody’s benefit: it’s a tightly knit community w little to no drama. And lots of memes (that I mostly make) to enjoy sincerely or ironically.

I’m also going to mention, very briefly, the Twin Peaks fandom, most of whom, even the die hards, are v casual when it comes to fan content (I need more fic damnit). Nonetheless it’s a decidedly cool art kid crowd for an art house show and I really enjoy befriending twin peaks watchers.

5. What’s one hot food that you prefer cold? (or, alternatively, one cold food you like hot)

Is it snobby to say I like food to be the temperature God intended?

Like I like cold pizza and salad-y pasta but I wouldn’t mind if everything were room temperature as long as the food itself was well made.

6. ya like jazz? What music do you enjoy listening to? Can you recommend any songs/ artists from that genre?

I think in some contexts I can like jazz. It’s very cosy and nostalgic, it can make you feel like a grand dame stepping out of your limo into your martini filled mansion as records pop around you and your fur carpeted living room. I also occasionally like jazz covers and alternate genres of jazz like electro swing etc.

Generally though I also think jazz is a little antiquated and a little all over the place. I lean more towards the ambiguous minimalism of mellow techno music like Jonna Lee, Grimes, Björk, early Lorde, Yasmine Hamdan, Austra, TRST, etc

I mean I don’t stick to just one genre (I imagine most ppl don’t). I like alternative (Tori Amos, Regina Spektor, Joanna Newsom) and some musicians who seem to completely exist outside of genre like iMonster and the Gorillaz. Not to mention straight up pop like broods, Ellie goulding, lady gaga and Lana del rey. (I mean technically Ldr isn’t pop but u get the ideer)

7. What binge worthy show do you like?

So many man. There are so many out there! Twin peaks, Transparent, Love, Grace and Frankie, Adventure Time, House of Cards, Bojack Horseman, Rick and Morty, Mad Men, Girls, Broad City, Black Mirror, Avatar TLA, 6Teen, Chowder, Over the Garden Wall, Flapjack, the first season of Downton Abbey, Game of Thrones, etc

The list goes on. I’m a TV fiend.

8. What’s an old meme that you miss and wish would be brought back?

Always liked the Gothic [x town or whatever] meme. It was like a text post version of the cursed images meme. Currently I’m really enjoying the song from another room meme and I hope even after it gets old it’ll make a comeback.

9. Tell me your aesthetic



O man. That’s a can of worms! Okay. Deep breath.

I like futurism, of all kinds. I like strong lines and clear shapes. I like colour blocking and minimalism and glass and holographic LED neons. I like white Japanese urban tiled buildings. I like aliens and ruins and cubes and white and colour blocking and black. I like technology and aliens and Comme des Garçons and Issey Miyake. Rooms that are empty but for one light and one window and one plant. Love that.

I like the midcentury cubism and Mod and 30’s futurism. Clear and strong industrial shapes and curves and post modernist abstractionism.

I also love nature, I love most every Björk and Iamamiwhoami music video. I love the mountains and the forests and the desert and the winter tundra and most of all I love the water. A vast expanse of sky and sea w so many colours and textures. I love the 2000s and funny blob shapes and y2k’s obsession w secondary colours and shiny round things. Love pink. I am a grown adult who will never tire of pink. (Though I don’t really like when people overdo pink.) I love cursed image family photos taken with flash in a suburb. I love the grime and the sanitary aesthetic of suburbs and hospitals and brutalist office spaces. The fluorescent lights of the institution but with purple carpeting!

I love 70s mod and I love colorful 80s brutalism I like it when houses are shaped weirdly and they have carpets and polished curved wooden countertops and spacious nothingness where everything looks clean and cosy and bizarrely ugly and it all looks like an art gallery w too many plants.

I also really love maximalism and wood and detail and fur and velvet and embroidery and silk and windows and wood carvings.

I love 70s kitsch like John waters movies and Shrimps designer fake fur CDG17 where they just piled on knickknack after knickknack onto white dresses w food long trains. Toys and novelty items and lamps shaped like a woman’s leg in a fishnet stocking. (See also: most Tim burton movies, wes Anderson, Carrie fishers house)

An overwhelming mishmash of wool patterns with clean cubic 70s architecture and so many plants and windows and wallpaper and candles and cobwebs. Also really like witchy mourning jewelry and essentially every house in Harry potter. Love the unfortunately racist boho/hippie aesthetic. Any house designed by bill kirsch is a masterpiece. Woven baskets on the ceiling piles of hats and art supplies everywhere. Stuff!! Everywhere! Hidden passageways reading nooks fireplaces the Pink Palace from Coraline!

Everything!!!

I’m a cartoonist who’s a nerd for design so I like when concepts are taken to the extreme in a humourously charming and clear-minded way. Whatever aesthetic someone chooses, they should go all out and really dedicate themselves to the highest form of that aesthetic. It has to be perfect without being sanitary of fake. It has to be alive yet beautiful, frozen in one perfect moment.

10. Favourite time of day and why?

Dusk. I think it’s a nostalgia thing. I loved the hours before bed time as well the hours before dinner when it was getting dark and the sun was reflecting freaky colours along the horizon while I ran around the grass. It’s cozy but it’s spacious and adventurous. So many things can happen at dusk!



11. You have the choice to live in any fictional universe - which one do you pick and why?

Harry Potter!!! You get the best of both worlds: magical, over-romanticised Victorian/medievalism, wish-fulfillment surrealism and wifi. It’s great. Likelihood of dying is so low, medicine is so advanced and even then ppls n°1 choice of lethal weapon (Avada Kedavra) is painless. Me and Luna could hang in her garden. I’d never have to pay for the subway again. I could live a nomadic life in a tent w infinite space. If you chose to live as a wizard amongst Muggles you’re basically god and you can cheat capitalism. Gravity is my bitch! And I’m not gna lie my dream house has always been a combination of The Burrow, the Lovegood house, and Shell Cottage.

My turn to pick your brain:

1 Favourite texture?

2 Favourite smell?

3 Favourite children’s book/children’s TV show? (I’m talking about the bizarre abstract ones for toddlers)

4 Best and worst prank you’ve ever pulled?

5 Weirdest beginning of a friendship?

6 When you’ve been in fandom for a while you start to notice you’ve a habit of staying in the same corners. What corner are you in? Are you part of the fluffy ship corner? The intense world building spec meta corner? The shitpost comic fanart corner? Etc

7 If you could invent a class that would be obligatory for all high schools across your country what would it be?

8 What’s the weirdest thing you’ve gotten at Halloween while trick or treating?

9 Weirdest family tradition of yours?

10 Describe your significant other (or your crush, or your dream partner or if you’re aromantic your fave person) through only TV references.

11 Favourite piece of dialogue in a movie?

I don’t know 11 ppl but nonetheless tagging: @that-guy-in-the-bowler-hat @skairheart @nochangenohope @eventheslightestrayofsunshine@autistic-jaredkleinman@phoenixkluke

…and YOU (if you were not mentioned above and so choose to accept this mission)

[phancystuff]

Trying to Remember How it Feels (To Have a Heartbeat) 1/7

Pairing: Dan/ Phil (Phan) Summary: Dan moves into a new apartment in London and, though it’s a step up from his old apartment, his landlord gives him strange warnings while he’s touring the place-- something about the last renters leaving because of ghost sightings. But, Dan doesn’t believe in the supernatural. He quickly changes his tune when he meets Phil Lester, the ghost haunting his apartment. Well, if haunting means quickly becoming the best friend he’s ever had. (Title from Harry Styles’ song Two Ghosts) Notes: This is the first part of my Spooky Week Special! This fic is almost 100% already written and I plan on updating it every day until Halloween. Please note that, although this fic has the warning of major character death, it is not in any way graphic. Tags/ Warnings: ghost au, Halloween, major character death (obv. it’s a ghost au lol), depictions of panic attacks, angst, fluff, HAPPY ENDING, mentions of suicide (it happens in a movie they watch)

Read it on A03 Completed fic masterlist here

Dan woke up that morning in a mood, which is never a good thing when you’re supposed to do something particularly adult-y. Something like tour a new apartment because the one you’re currently living in is literally falling apart at the seams and your neighbors drill ridiculous DIY projects at all hours of the day. Dan’s YouTube channel had been doing pretty well lately, too, and he could finally afford a better apartment. He had made it hard on himself in the beginning by refusing to get a roommate, but he liked his space. It didn’t matter, anyway, it was finally time for him to move up in the world and trade his current hamster cage for a slightly bigger one. And yet, there Dan was, the morning of an apartment tour, on his third coffee, and still feeling like someone had hit him over the head and shoulders while he was sleeping. Sickly sweet Starbucks lattes weren’t even touching his exhaustion; it was that serious. So maybe that’s why, later when Dan was touring this potential apartment, he couldn’t be bothered with the stupid things that were coming out of the landlord’s mouth.

The white, middle aged man, who had introduced himself as Paul, had just closed the door to the master bedroom and was leading Dan to the kitchen when he glanced back at Dan. “Yeah, I just want to give you full, fair warning. The last renters left because they kept seeing a ghost.”

“You don’t say?” Dan hid his eye roll, answering uninterestedly. He didn’t know what the landlord was playing at, but ghosts didn’t exist and this was a nice apartment. He couldn’t be scared away from it. It was an old building, but it had recently been renovated and featured new, shiny appliances. The space wasn’t huge, but it would work perfectly for a 26 year old, single YouTuber. It had a great view of the city and an elevator to aid in the moving process.

“Yeah, ghosts! I mean, I never saw any ghosts, but I do get a weird feeling when I walk around here.” Paul rambled on and Dan leaned against the kitchen counter, staring at him. “From what I hear, the last landlord that owned this property didn’t carefully inspect the place and it ended in some poor bloke dying. Not really sure how; it was back in 2010. But, obviously, everything’s ship shape now.” The man trailed off, gazing around at nothing in particular.

“Uh huh,” Dan answered politely, but distractedly, crouching down to look at the controls on the impressive-looking stove. He wasn’t really listening.

“Oh, yeah! The stove is new and state-of-the-art--” as the landlord barreled into more information about the admittedly nice stove, Dan totally forgot about the weirdo’s ghost comments.

***

A week later, Dan was moving into his new apartment. He had spent a few days weighing his options, but had ultimately decided to apply for the flat that Paul had showed him. The application had been accepted quickly and now Dan was staring at his new home with a large, heavy cardboard box in his arms. Thankfully, his parents and younger brother were kind enough to give up their Saturday to help Dan out. They were hoping to get it all done in a day. Dan glanced back toward the street and felt overwhelmed by all of the boxes, furniture, and stuff in the moving van. As he made trip after trip from moving van to apartment, he felt increasingly thankful for the elevator in the building.

Dan, his parents, and younger brother were in and out of the apartment all morning with boxes and furniture. “Fuck, Dan, when did you get so much shit?” Alex collapsed on the sofa that the four of them had finally fit it into the far corner of the lounge. He glared at Dan, who just rolled his eyes at his moody teenaged brother. Dan couldn’t really say much; he was moody too when he was sixteen. Dan was just glad that he didn’t start his YouTube channel until later in his life. Less cringe-worthy stuff on the internet, that way.

“Sorry Lexy,” Dan put emphasis on his little brother’s childhood nickname, “How about you let me know what I don’t need and I’ll bin it. Would that make you happy?”

Alex puffed out a breath, “Yeah, start with the shoes. You have enough to make the average girl jealous.”

Dan crossed his arms, “sexist little punk.”

“Self-absorbed twat.”

“Wanker.”

“Assho--”

“Boys! Enough.” Their mum suddenly appeared at the opening to the lounge, looking at her offspring disappointedly. “Daniel, you’re 26, you should know better.” Dan looked down at his toes, feeling more remorseful that he was 26 and was still being disciplined by his mum. Alex just looked smug, until their mum turned to him and crossed her arms. “Alex, Daniel is your older brother and he needed our help today. So don’t complain. We’re family, we help each other. That’s what family does.” Alex rolled his eyes in response.

Dan collapsed next to Alex, letting a sigh escape his lips. “Thanks for helping me, you guys. Even though some of us are annoying little pillocks who should be locked in a room until their bodies are no longer being ravaged by hormones--” he looked pointedly at Alex-- “I really appreciate the help.”

“Well, of course you need help, it’s not like you can afford movers on a YouTuber’s salary.” Alex snipped, shoving his shoulder against Dan.

Their mum looked between them with exasperation, throwing her hands up. “I give up! Brothers! So nasty to each other!” She turned around, exiting the flat to get more boxes. Alex giggled.

Dan looked at him unbelievingly. “Did you really just giggle?”

Alex met his stare with furrowed brows, “No, I didn’t fucking giggle. Why would I giggle? The only funny thing here is your career path.” Alex shoved himself off the couch, “come on, you lazy fuck. You aren’t gonna pass all the work off on us.”

“Will you stop being such a prick?” Dan also pushed himself off the couch, already forgetting about the giggle that he had very clearly heard. Instead, he was thinking about offering to order pizza for everyone so they could have a much-deserved lunch break.

***

Later that night, Dan worked in his new bedroom, making his bed and unloading the boxes that had been haphazardly stacked about. The whole process of bringing in his stuff had taken the better part of the day and then his family stuck around to help Dan start to unpack. They didn’t really get far with it, before Dan was insisting that he could handle the unpacking part and that his family had done enough for him. Of course, Alex had made a relieved sassy comment that Dan had ignored and Dan’s mum checked and double-checked that Dan was ok to do it alone. Dan’s dad suggested going out to dinner and everyone had been more than happy to comply.

His family left long ago and Dan was alone in the apartment. It seemed so big and empty. Every footstep seemed to echo. Dan hated new places. It would get better when his stuff was unpacked and arranged. Until then, Dan just blasted some Vampire Weekend and rifled around in the boxes marked ‘bedroom.’ Whenever Dan moved somewhere new, he set his bedroom up first. The bed was the most important thing, especially since it was pushing 10:00 PM and Dan had gotten up disgustingly early that morning. After the bed was made, Dan went through the process of setting up his computer. Connecting to the internet was blessedly easy, but that was because the internet provider had already been in a couple days ago to install the router and ethernet jacks. Dan had stressed to them how important it was to get everything sorted and they had complied.

Fixing up his bedroom also included building his video background, which was always one of his favorite spaces to decorate. Of course, the iconic butt chair was there. He hung fairy lights around his bed frame and delicately put various knick knacks on display on his bedside table. Posters were hung, clothes were folded and stuffed into his chest of drawers, books were fitted into his new bookshelf, bedsheets were smoothed down, and slowly the boxes disappeared. Dan broke them down and slid them in the hallway, promising himself to take care of the pile rather than trip on it for the next two weeks. Before Dan knew it, it was 1:30 AM and he was crashing, quickly.

Dan silenced Ezra Koenig and tore off his clothes, changing into soft pajama bottoms. He lay down on his bed, groaning at the feeling of his aching body sinking into a blessedly comfy memory foam mattress. Dan had paid a small fortune for the bed, but it had been so worth it. He slept like a baby in it. Dan got out his phone, checking his social media accounts for any important updates. He reblogged some fanart on tumblr, watched some of his friends new YouTube videos, and liked some tweets. Dan himself tweeted, ‘of course the first thing i set up in the new flat is my bed. it’s where all the magic happens and by magic i mean sleep.’ Dan spent a few minutes replying with sassy comments to fans, before feeling his eyelids start to drift closed.

“Ugh, the lights. Gotta get the lights.” Dan murmured to himself, forcing his eyes open. He rolled to the left, aiming to get out of the bed, when the lights were suddenly off. Dan perked his head up, looking around in the room that had just been plunged in darkness. He couldn’t see a thing. He groaned, thinking about how he would already have to contact the landlord about electricity problems. “Stupid faulty electricity,” Dan pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes. “Whatever, it can wait until morning.” Dan pushed the bedcovers down, wiggling under them. They were barely over his body when sleep overtook him.  

Dan slept late and when his eyes finally cracked open, the sun was obnoxiously brightening the room. Dan put ‘dark curtains’ on his mental shopping list and pushed the covers off his body. He lay there for a second, observing the ceiling (and praising the lack of cracks in it).

Moments later, his feet touched the floor and he remembered the electricity the previous night. Curious, Dan pushed himself out of bed and padded over to the light switch on the wall. He flicked it experimentally and watched the overhead lights come on and off, on and off. They were working perfectly. There must have been a brief, scarily coincidental, power outage the previous night.

Dan went into the kitchen and made a coffee and popped some toast into the toaster, thanking both his past self for packing some food to sustain him as he moved in, and his mother for unpacking the food immediately. Dan got out his phone as he waited for his breakfast and sent a quick text to his mum. ‘Bless you for unpacking my food.’ She sent him a heart emoji without hesitation and asked him about his first night. He made light conversation about unpacking and sleeping, but quickly said goodbye to her in favor of breakfast.

Dan opened up the notes app in his iPhone, looking at the list of video ideas he had going. Although he had tons of unpacking to do, he was due for a new video soon. He didn’t want to spend a lot of time with a script or with editing, so he figured it was time for another video in his “Quick and Dirty with Dan” series. For these videos, he would essentially set up a camera and rant/ philosophize about a subject for five minutes. He only edited out the “um’s.” They were fun. People cared about his opinions on things, surprisingly. Dan composed a quick tweet: ‘any requests for a quick n dirty?’ and he watched the responses flood in. Of course, plenty of his fans suggested lewd things, inspired by the name of the series. Several tweets said ‘Donald Trump’ and there was no way that Dan was going to fall down that hole. Dan scrolled through his replies, munching on a bite of buttered toast. One tweet jumped out at him and he thumbed the text, liking it. ‘Talk about your experience with/ opinion about the supernatural! Like ghosts, not the show lolol.’ Immediately, Dan recalled the weird conversation he had with Paul the landlord about the ghost that apparently haunted this apartment. It would be a perfect story to include in his video.

When his toast was eaten and cup of coffee was drained, Dan tottered back to his bedroom, maneuvering around boxes. Dan made his bed and changed into his signature black outfit. He set up his camera and lighting equipment and sat down in his chair, checking the viewfinder to make sure that his video background looked agreeable. Dan pressed record, speaking his regular greeting of “Hello internet!” and barreling into the topic of the supernatural.

Three or four hours later, the video was being uploaded onto YouTube. Dan’s more scripted videos took much longer to create, which was why he really liked this series. Dan left the video to do its thing and went to unpack the kitchen, blasting Britney Spears and singing along badly. “Toxic” came on and Dan picked up a wooden spoon, holding it to his mouth and purring out the first words of the song, “baby, can’t you see?” He danced around the kitchen. About halfway through the song, Dan noticed that he was hearing double. There was another voice under Britney’s that wasn’t his own. It wasn’t a particularly good voice, either. It missed some of the notes entirely. Dan furrowed his brow and picked up his phone, checking that Spotify hadn’t accidentally given him a weird, cover version of the song. It hadn’t. Dan paused it and silence enveloped the kitchen. He pressed play again and the song was back to normal, Britney back to her sensual self. Dan felt a little unnerved, thinking about the electricity and the weird mystery voice. He considered exploring the apartment a little, checking closets and corners for possible squatters. In the end, he didn’t do anything of the sort, laughing at himself instead. He needed to get the place set up, then maybe Dan wouldn’t feel so jumpy.

Dan paused Britney and checked the status of his video. He was surprised to find that it had already uploaded successfully. He was impressed with the internet speed. He scrolled through YouTube comments, liking a few clever ones. He rarely replied to YouTube comments, unless one was especially funny. He didn’t find any funny ones, but did notice quite a few that looked exactly identical.

‘Umm wtf ghost at 1:33??????’

‘YOU BETTER BELIEVE IN GHOST STORIES, DANIEL, YOU’RE IN ONE!!!11! 1:33’

‘1:33 Ghost. Ghost. Ghost.’

‘Seriously, what the fuck is that at 1:33??’

Dan rolled his eyes at the comments. These weren’t new on the world of YouTube. People loved creepy things and once one person commented a timestamp and a ghost sighting, it was like a disease. Dan clicked the timestamp on one of the comments, fully expecting a shadow or stuffed animal falling over.

Instead, Dan felt like his heart stopped.

He paused the video. He suddenly felt hot, heat prickling across every inch of his skin. In the video, in the dark doorway of his bedroom, there was an unmistakable figure. A man. He was barely a glimmer, but, boy, was he there.

Dan stared at the screen, wondering if his eyes were playing tricks on him. There was literally no fucking reasonable explanation for what he was seeing. Dan tried to rationalize it, but was coming up with nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Instead, he was thinking about the landlord’s comments, the mysterious giggle that he thought was Alex, the electricity problem, the strange voice he heard while singing “Toxic.” Dan started shaking. He was afraid to play the video and watch what the figure would do. But he had to. Curiosity ate at him. Slowly, shakily, Dan pressed play and watched the entryway. The man looked up at Dan in the video. Dan blanched at the man’s pale skin, dark hair, and piercing eyes. He didn’t look unfriendly, watching Dan with curiosity. In the video, Dan was saying something about “the idea of ghosts scaring the diddly heck out of him,” and Dan saw the ghost’s mouth quirk up in a smile, before he was simply phasing out of frame.

Dan paused the video and released a breath that he had been holding.

“Sorry for intruding on your video.” Dan screamed, actually screamed, jerking violently in his chair. It pitched back and he crashed to the floor. The room echoed with the sound of the loud crash and Dan felt momentarily dazed. He stared up at the ceiling, wondering if someone had slipped him hallucinogenic drugs without him knowing. Alex would probably get a kick out of doing something like that. Suddenly, a figure came into Dan’s view, looking at Dan upside down. It was the figure from the video. The ghost? The hallucination? Dan’s eyes widened at the man. He looked… concerned. “Oh dear, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. Are you all right?” Dan noticed the voice had a Northern tinge, and now was really not the time to notice such a fucking stupid detail.

“Me? I-I-- well, I-I. Are y-you? Ghost? Who, who, who are you?” Dan stuttered pathetically, trembling all over. He felt cold and hot at the same time. He wondered briefly if he had a fever. Maybe he hadn’t woken up yet and this was a dream.

The figure covered his translucent face in equally translucent hands. “Oh god, I’ve really muffed this up. Of course you would be frightened.” He removed his hands from his face and stared down at Dan. “Won’t you get up? We could go to the lounge? I’ll introduce myself properly!”

Dan just lay there, trembling. He blinked his eyes over and over, willing the ghost to disappear. He wasn’t awake. He was asleep. This was a dream. He pinched himself. It didn’t work. He slapped himself in the face. Nothing happened.

“Hey! Don’t hit yourself!” Dan jumped again. He stared into a pair of ghosts eyes a moment longer and decided that he should at least pick himself off the floor. He did so, probing the back of his head and wincing at the tender spot that was definitely bruised. Methodically, he picked the chair up off the ground and tucked it under the desk, trying to breathe evenly. It was a losing battle. Finally, Dan snapped, and the floodgates opened. He began breathing harder, the unmistakable feeling of panic sweeping over his body. He felt lightheaded and numb. Dan sat down on the floor, hard, breath coming faster and faster. He pushed himself against the wall of his bedroom, trying to get as far away from the ghost as possible. His breath wheezed out of him, specks of spit flying out of his mouth. Dan pressed his head in between his knees as he lost feeling in his fingers. He didn’t feel real. He was terrified. What was happening to him?  “Hey, hey, now. It’s ok. God, I’m so sorry, Dan. It’s ok. Breathe. Slowly, slowly now.” Dan knew that the voice was coming from the object of his fears, but it was good advice. He tried his best to take it, trying to control his lungs. He used every trick he had learned throughout his life of living with anxiety. He imagined that his lungs had legs and were running away and he imagined himself running after them, catching them in his hands. He listened to the soothing repetition of “it’s ok, shh, slowly now” coming from the mouth of the fucking ghost across from him. Dan picked up his heavy hands and brought them up to his own neck, dragging his fingers along the sensitive skin there. Anything to ground him. Anything to make him feel real again. Minutes later, Dan’s breathing began to slow. He focused hard on forcing it to stay slow. “There ya go, good. I’m not a bad guy. I couldn’t hurt a fly, I promise.”

Dan looked up at the ghost who had crouched down in front of Dan’s crumpled form. He would have looked like a completely normal guy, if not for the see-through skin and the slightly hovering body. This was the first time Dan was getting a good look at him and he was surprised, to say the least. The man in front of him was more like a boy. He had long, black hair that was cut into a style resembling cool 2007 emo myspace kids. Interestingly enough, he was sporting a worn, blue shirt and grey sweatpants. He had piercing blue eyes.  “You’re a ghost.” Dan’s voice was shaky and monotone. He felt exhausted. Dan realized that his face was wet with tears. When he had a panic attack, he often couldn’t tell the difference between hyperventilating and sobbing. It all blended into one disastrous experience.  

The figure looked embarrassed and Dan thought he saw the ghost’s face turn red. “I am a ghost. I’m sorry.” The ghost scratched at the back of his head. “Dan, I feel terribly. I should have realized that you would have reacted like this. I accidentally drove the last renters out and I never even purposefully revealed myself to them. God, I’m just an idiot. I just couldn’t believe that you were a YouTuber and I got so excited to see the camera and--”

“--Ok, ok. It’s, um, ok, I guess.” Dan cut the ghost off. He blew out a shaky breath. “How do you, um, know my name?”

The ghost looked embarrassed again. “Oh, I heard your family call you Dan. That sounds so creepy. Sheesh,” he refused to meet Dan’s eyes. “I wish I could leave you alone forever, but I-- uh-- am kinda tethered to this place. Can’t leave.”

Dan nodded slowly, deciding that, if this was happening and this was reality, he might as well be cordial. “Oh. Well, do you have a name?”

Phil clapped his hand over his face and Dan couldn’t help but jump a little, body still on edge. “I’m really cocking this up. Yes of course I have a name, I’m so rude. Phil Lester, at your service!” Phil stuck his hand out at Dan who just stared at it. Phil slowly retracted it, “sorry, habit.” The ghost coughed, “sorry.”

“Right. Um.” Dan chewed his lip and stared at Phil with wide eyes. What was the proper etiquette when it came to ghosts? He couldn’t offer Phil some tea and cakes, for chrissakes. Dan suddenly remembered something Phil had said only seconds before. “You know YouTube? How?”

Phil smiled a sad smile and crossed his legs. He looked like a monk who had achieved enlightenment with his hovering. “I had a channel back in the day. I had a lot of fun with it.” Phil stared at his legs, picking at the fabric covering his knee.  

“Oh! Wow, you were a YouTuber?” Dan couldn’t hide his disbelief. What were the odds that the ghost tethered to his new apartment had also been a YouTube when he was alive? Dan wasn’t even going to dwell on how weird that sentence was. “What was your username?”

Phil met his eyes and smiled shyly, “oh, um, it was amazingphil.” Dan raised his eyebrows. “I know, I know. I made it in 2006.”

“That’s fair; everyone had quirky usernames back in the day.” Dan remembered his first youtube channel name and was briefly thankful that he never made a single video on it. He couldn’t imagine what kind of professional life he could have with a name like ‘danisnotonfire.’

“Yeah, I guess. But mine was particularly silly, huh?”

“Not as bad as danisnotonfire,” Dan said, laughing a little.

“That’s your channel name?!”

“Oh no, no. But it was the account I made when I was 16. I never used it to make videos, thank god.” Silence followed Dan’s comment and he was struck by the sudden realization that he was having a fucking conversation with a ghost. “Hey-- did you turn off the lights last night?” Dan tilted his head to the side slightly and Phil looked abashed.

“Um, ah, yeah. You had just worked so hard and looked so comfy. I just flicked them off for you, it wasn’t hard.” Phil cleared his throat, “electricity is one those things that I can manipulate.”

Dan hummed to himself. “So you were watching me last night?”

Phil’s eyes widened. “Sorry! Sorry! Bad habit! I don’t see many people. It’s just nice to--” He cut himself off. “I think it’s about time for me to leave you alone. You need some space,” Phil nodded to himself, “I need to get out of your space.”

“Phil! Phil, wait! I still have--” and then the ghost was gone, as quick as he had appeared. “--questions.” Dan finished lamely.

Dan looked around his bedroom, almost surprised to find that it hadn’t changed; only Dan’s perception of it had. Everything was too bright and crystal clear, like he had been swimming underwater with his eyes open until that moment. Dan shakily got up off the floor and made his way to the bed, collapsing on it. He didn’t bother to put on different clothes or get under the covers. So, a ghost was haunting his new apartment. What was he supposed to do about that? Let the landlord know? The landlord already knew; he had bloody warned Dan. Tell his parents? His subscribers? Well, his subscribers had already seen it. Curious, Dan pulled his phone out of his back pocket and scrolled through his replies on Twitter. The ghost was literally the only thing that any of them were talking about. Dan checked the views on his video and his mouth dropped open. It was almost to one million views, which was pretty normal for him, but it always took a couple of days for the views to add up to a million. His video was going viral. Dan locked his phone and placed it on the bedside table. What was he supposed to do about this? He began to drift asleep, the exhaustion of his panic attack weighing him down into the mattress. Phil had been a YouTuber when he was alive; maybe Dan would ask him his opinion. Before Dan could consider how odd of a concept it was, he was asleep.

Chapter two

[uberff]

Chapter 7

Robyn

Tossing the piece of chocolate in my mouth, I noticed Kai look at me like I had done something wrong. I wasn’t in the mood for his remarks, I just wanted to eat my dark chocolate bar in peace honestly.

I was about to bite into it until I looked up and he was still staring at me. I sucked my teeth, “What?” He chuckled.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Bite into it from the side. You weird.” He laughed, as I rolled my eyes. I guess he noticed my attitude because he had stopped laughing.

“You on ya period?” I nodded.

“You need something grumpy old troll?” I can’t wait til he’s not in the mood one day, I’m gonna bother the shit out of him.

“Yea for you to get out my face cracking

lame jokes.” He laughed and grabbed his keys checked his pocket for his money.

“I’ll just go to the store and get you something, difficult ass.” I nodded and had the urge to hug him because he knew deep down I needed something no matter if I didn’t want to say it or not. My Kaibear.

“I’ll be back. I love you.” He said as he came over to me and bent down and hovered over me to give me a kiss.

“I love you too.” I kissed him back, holding his arm cause I actually didn’t want him to go. Don’t forget I hated staying home alone.

“Yea you better say that shit back.” He smiled as he tried to get up but I had a good grip on his arm.

“Rob let go, you too grown to be scared to stay at home by yourself. You wanna come?” He asked as I sighed. I’d rather just stay, it was too hot out anyways.

“I’m out.”

Since Kai went to the store, I decided to just go back up to his room and lay down. I was about to turn on the TV until I heard his phone ringing. He’d never leave it her, this must’ve been his personal phone.

Picking it up, I was about to answer until the person finally stopped calling. The person was his assistant.

He didn’t tell me he had an assistant….

Furrowing my eyebrows, I unlocked his phone and went straight to their messages, reading their most recent conversation.

Kai: you wasn’t  even there on time bro gone on with that shit

Assistant🤞🏾: you didn’t tell me what time to be there stupid! Maybe if you were organized, things could’ve went differently. I thought maybe you’d take tips from me being your assistant, being as though I MAKE SURE everything is done correctly, organized, all that but you’re still the same dumbass that I met from when we were kids.

Kai: fuck you

Assistant🤞🏾: you know what? Kaiden fuck you too because you ain’t shit honestly.

Kai: word? you ain’t shit, if I wasn’t for me you wouldn’t even have a fucking job kayla be humble.

Assistant🤞🏾: … why are we arguing Kai, Kaila hated that.

Kai: I’m sorry, I got carried away 🙄

Assistant 🤞🏾: Kai.. I wanna have another family again ❤️

Kai: man you drunk? chill out with that

Assistant🤞🏾: I miss not having Kaila around.. I get lonely Kai :( I think it’s about that time

Kai: First of all, I told you bout my girl and second, I ain’t trying to go back down that road again. I told you how I felt about having another kid so why you acting brand new?

Assistant: 🙄 you still stuck on that trick? She could never be me, Kai. I’m your first love, you’re just with her to get over me but we all know you can’t so why be difficult? Why would you keep me around all these years if you didn’t wanna let me go?

Kai: bro what

I didn’t read the rest because Kai had finally showed up. He felt around his pockets and was about to speak until he seen his phone in my hands.

“Why would your stupid ass leave your phone here if you knew you had secrets?” He gave me a confused look.

“Fuck you talking bout?” He caught an attitude. They’re the worst.

“Kai there’s no need to lie, you’re caught.” I stated calmly with my arms crossed.

“Caught how? I leave for 2 seconds to get you some snacks and you accusing me of shit, chill.”

“Really, that’s where you came from? Cause you just asked her where was she.” I spat as I threw him his phone.

“Bro why you going through my shit like you don’t trust me? I don’t go through ya damn phone.”

“It’s not about that, Kai! Who is she?”

“Man what the fuck the contact name say?”

I looked at him like he was stupid, ready to go off but I just nodded. “I’m out.” I grabbed my purse as I tried to leave but his foot long ass stood in front of the door.

He obviously didn’t want to tell me anything because he wasn’t explaining. He was just standing there looking dumb. I could honestly just go home and lay in my bed right now.

“Kai move, seriously.”

“Nah bro, I ain’t bout to let you leave thinking I’m out here cheating on you. You ain’t even let me explain.”

“You’re not trying to explain you keep catching this dumb ass attitude, get out my face!” I pushed him hard enough to stop him from blocking the door. He stumbled a bit but caught his balance.

“Fine bro fuck it, do you.” He said as he moved out of the way and went the opposite direction. As I left his house, tears were threatening to leave my eyes.

As I walked to my car, I heard his front door slam.

**

“What’s wrong with you?” Odell asked as he answered the door. I didn’t say a word, but my water works just seemed to come at the right time.

“Aw shit Robyn, what happened?” He asked as he pulled me into the house and closed the door behind him. I shook my head no, because I didn’t want to tell him. After my last boyfriend, he’d literally be ready to kill Kai if I told him what happened. Even if it was over something small.

“Can we talk about it tomorrow?” I asked him as he sighed before nodding. I didn’t want to get him all worked up.

I went over to Jaylen’s house. He’d probably be too damn high to notice I was crying. As soon as he answered the door, his question slapped me in the face.

“Who made you cry?” He asked as he stepped aside to let me in. The look on his face was serious.

“Huh?”

“hUH? Don’t play wit me Robyn.” He mimicked me as I sighed and held his hand. He squeezed mines to let me know that I could tell him.

“Kai-” That’s all he needed to hear before he stood up and grabbed my keys.

“What? Jaylen no! Sit down and let me finish!” I tugged at his arm, making a pouring face because it always did the trick for him.

“Aight so what he do? He hit you?” I knew if he knew Kai even laid a finger on me, he’d pay him a visit. It wouldn’t even be half as bad if O did though. So I guess I could tell him.

“No.. I was going through his phone and this number saved under assistant called him. Keep in mind he talks to me about working literally all the time but he never mentioned having an assistant. So I read their messages, and basically she’s his baby’s mom which I find weird. Like obviously something going on behind my back if he couldn’t just tell me that. Plus he lied to me and told me he was going to the store when we went to meet up with her. What if he’s cheating on me Jaylen?” He sucked his teeth.

“Then that’s his loss. Don’t be over here crying over that dumb ass nigga, you fuckin’ too pretty for allat’ shit. Pick ya head up.” He told me as he grabbed my chin so I could look at him. Why was he being so sweet and cute?

“Don’t stress about it, aight?” I nodded and took in his words.

“Now get up so I can take you out to have fun.”

**

I kept looking down at my phone to see if there were any notifications from Kaiden. Eventually, Jaylen had to take it from me and stuff it into his pockets. I pouted and folded my arms while he continued to drive to wherever we were about to go to have “fun”. Between working on these designs for what seemed like all my damn life, and Kai having me in my feelings, there was nothing more that I needed than to be with this goofball on a Saturday night.

“Ain’t no thinkin’ about that nigga when you with me.” his jaw clenched and he bobbed his head to his ratchet rap that blared through the speakers. I know the fact that he felt like he couldn’t defend me was killing him. I love Kai and some feelings for Jaylen never left and if anything were to happen to any one of them, it would be a lose-lose situation and I would feel shittier than I feel right now. Seeing Jaylen with the Robbie Rotten bitch at the house did it for me, now I’m the jealous one and that’s a damn shame.

“Whatchu thinkin’ about, you good?” Jaylen asked patting my thigh assuringly while we were stalled at a traffic light. He had to ask me that very same question about three times a minute. I just nodded and played with my nails since I didn’t have my phone.

“Don’t let this nigga alter you like that. You usually bouncing off the fuckin’ walls, happiest person I know, dawg.” he poked at my cheeks until I smirked.

“I just…I don’t know.” the tears threatened to come back, Jaylen wiped them before they appeared.

“Breathe, talk to me.” this was a long ass stop light. I finally looked up and saw that we were in the parking lot of Sky Zone. Parked car conversations are actually fire.

“I felt like I jumped into a relationship with him too fast, whatever he told me was brief and short. Ya’ll niggas really just don’t care who ya’ll hurt anymore, huh?”

“I, personally wouldn’t hurt you like that.” he started and I shot him a look. “Again…” he laughed and I smiled, genuinely for the first time in a few hours.

“There’s a difference though. I’m tryna prove to you that I deserve another chance. Nigga ain’t call you once since you left. If my girl was as fine as you and I’m in the wrong, I’m huntin’ her shit down. He did that shit, guilty as fuck.”

“Bias as fuck. You don’t even like him.”

“Can’t stand him. Now bring yo ass before the snotty ass kids get dibs on the foam pit.” he clicked my seatbelt off and hopped out, coming around to open my door.

“It’s Jaylen and Rob. No wild thoughts about this nigga, Kalvin. And if you correct me, I'ma beat yo ass.” I smiled and followed him as he led the way into the building.

**

When we left, I felt like I had a concussion because of how many times Jaylen threw me into the pit and jumped on top of me. His skinny ass real life felt like a pile of remotes. I managed to sweat my hairstyle out, my voice was hoarse from screaming but Jaylen achieved what he set for us to do, have fun.

“We ain’t done.” he mumbled, running his fingers through his curls. Something I used to love doing.

“I got shit to do in the morning.” I said. I actually had to find models to wear the clothes from my line.

“I'ma getchu home at a decent hour, I’m just tryna chill wit’ you, is that cool?” I shrugged while blushing. These old feelings were creepin’ and I didn’t try to downplay it.

To end the night on a nice note, we went to the movie theaters. Jaylen’s petty ass could ruin anything though. “Since you miss ya bum ass dude, I'ma take you to see his relatives.” I furrowed my eyebrows and laughed loudly when he showed me the tickets to War for the Planet of the Apes.

“You’re really just not shit, Jaylen.” I laughed, wiping my eyes.

“I got you smiling now, don’t I?” he held his hand out and I held it. We spent maybe twenty dollars at the food stand before we headed into the theater.

**

“Yo, you enjoying this shit?” he mumbled lowly. We sat in the back row, deep in the shadows even when we were the only people in here. I actually liked the movie, the graphics were bomb.

“It’s okay.” I said simply, eating some Sour Skittles from the palm of my hand.

“I’m bored. I need to be high to watch some shit like this.”

“You picked the damn movie, Jaylen.” I grumbled.

“Let’s be out. Fuck the fifteen dollars, it ain’t worth it.” he whined and I continued watching the movie.

“Rob, getcho ass up.”

“Make me.” I mumbled, not even remembering that Jaylen loved challenges. He picked me up from my seat and put me on his lap.

“I can’t see the movie! Caesar!” I yelled the main character’s name and we both started dying laughing.

“Shut yo crack head ass up. Relax on me real quick.” he got serious and I looked down at him. He tried his best to make me forget about what happened earlier and he succeeded. This wasn’t asshole Jaylen that I met when he picked me up, this was the Jaylen that told me about his mother and past relationships. He flicked his own switch whenever he wanted to, I see.

“I was joking, let’s leave if you want to, Jay. You are my Uber.”

“Fuck off.” he held me and buried his face in my chest. It was just a hug but it was also making me wet as hell. I had so much going through my mind but none of it actually came out of my mouth and just like before, I found myself coming on to him again.

I held his face and connected our lips. It caught him off guard and he asked me if I was really sure about kissing him before he participated. Issa full fledge kissing fight now and none of us intended to stop.

My feelings got me fucked up…

Jaylen

“Shit.” I cursed to myself as my phone fell on my face. I don’t know why I had it so close like I was blind or something.

“Let’s play 21 questions.” Kayla spoke as she looked over at me. We been chilling here all day, just fucking around. Over the last few days that we been chillin’, I realized that she’s actually a down ass female. Her personality was dope and we had a lot of shit in common.

“Girl we ain’t 12.”

“Ain’t nothing else to do.” She was right. It was late at night and everything was closed.

“Aight.. fine. Spill.”

“Um… what’s your favorite color?”

“Red. So is you a virgin?”

I was being funny cause I knew she’d get mad. I don’t know why girls hate that. Niggas wanna know.

“Wow, I don’t wanna play anymore. Fuck boy at his finest.” She said with a laugh. I was far from a fuck boy, I kept it real 24/7. I don’t tell bitches what they wanna hear, I tell them the truth.

“Girl ple-” I was cut off by the sound of my front door opening. Stepping out of the kitchen, I noticed Robyn looking around for me. I thought I was getting robbed.

“Wassup? What you need?” I greeted her as I pulled her into a hug.

After seeing her cry yesterday, it fucked me up a bit. Robyn was always smiling or laughing, so seeing her cry really had a nigga tight. She lucky I got love for her, because I was 2 seconds away from pulling up on Kalvin.

“I wanted you to look at these new pieces I just finished. Your opinion actually helps.” She smiled excitedly. I honestly enjoyed looking at her hard work, cause I know I couldn’t sew for shit. It’s so much talent here in this world that it’s crazy. Rob has a gift foreal.

The way she wore that hopeful look on her face once she asks for my opinion is cute as shit. Whenever she tried something on, she would always be extra and act like she was on a runway or some shit. But shit if it ain’t extra, it ain’t Robyn. Everybody knows that shit.

“I’ll be there, but I got company right now so hold up.” I walked in the kitchen and grabbed my phone. I started to feel bad cause I knew Kayla was always complaining about how lonely she was.

“Aye.. Kayla. I’m bout to go help my homie wit some shit next door. You mind waiting for a few minutes?” I could tell by the look on her face she was disappointed.

“That’s okay, I’ll just go back home.” She started to grab her purse. She flipped her long jet back Pocahontas hair, and started to walk away. Damn she was bad.

“Nah bro just stay, I promise I’ll be back quick.” I assured her as her bright smile finally crept up on her face. She was the prettiest blasian I’ve ever seen.

She nodded and looked at Robyn before going back into the kitchen.

“Hoe.” I heard Robyn mumble as we made it next door to her place. I smirked and shook my head. The way she was mugging Kayla, Stevie Wonder could see that she was jealous.

As we started going up the stairs, I couldn’t help but admire the way her butt was sitting in her dress. Not trying to be on no corny shit but Rob was thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.

I don’t see how she was letting Kai hit it and not me. I bet that nigga don’t even be knowing how to handle her.

“Stop looking at my booty.”

“Why you didn’t let me go first then?” You literally couldn’t pass on her shit. Like if you were to walk by her, you would have to look.

“I’ll keep that in mind next time, I’m just anxious to show you.” She smiled as she pushed me down on her bed. I feel like she did that on purpose because she knew it would turn me on.

“Stay there, I’ll be back.” She assured me as she ran to her walk in closet. I laid back on her bed, and patiently waited for her to come out and model for me. She was gone take forever but I wasn’t doing shit anyways.

The door opened, and I quickly sat up so I wouldn’t miss anything. She came out of her closet, showing off her blush pink latex materialized dress as if it was made for her. It literally fit like a glove and she looked too damn good.

“So… what you think?” She said before turning the music off and doing a full 360 spin.

“It looks good on you ba- I mean Robyn. The color goes hella good on ya skin, and it fit just right. Spin around one mo’ time.” I was just using that as an excuse to look at her ass again. Damn.

“Yea, I love it.” I winked at her as she giggled like a little kid. She pretended to walk off the imaginary runway and back into the closet. Once she was done, she came out in a mini black dress. Fuck was she going?

“Ok, that’s all I needed you for. I have to go in a few minutes.” She said as she stood in front of me so I could help her zip her dress. I was used to it now, she always calls me over for simple shit like this. I didn’t mind at all though. Sometimes I would be excited as hell just to zip up her damn dress. Her presence was that effective.

“I’ll be at home if you need me. Be careful when you leave.” I hugged her as she nodded and started to look around for something. I guess I could leave now.

When I got back downstairs, I seen Odell sitting on the couch with Winter’s manly ass. Once he noticed me he gave me this look. “Why you always be with my sister so much?” He paused the TV. Winter had an ugly ass smirk on her face.

“What? We cool.” He smacked his lips. He acting like I’m out here having sexual relations with her.

“Why you lying?”

“Lie for what? That’s all there is to it. Why you tripping over it? You ain’t give that nigga Kalvin a hard time.”

“Cause I know how you be when it comes to girls, and my sister ain’t one of them hoes you fuck with.”

“Man I ain’t trying to hear all that shit O, I’m out.” I chucked up the duces as I walked back next door to my place. He was tripping foreal. I don’t even treat females bad.

**

I was hella bored because Kayla had left. She had to go run some errands of some shit. Even though I just came from spending time with Robyn, I ain’t care. Moments with her were never boring so why not chill with her for the rest of the night? We could watch scary movies or some shit. It was funny whenever she had a death grip on me arm whenever some scary shit was about to happen.

I looked down at my phone and realized she ain’t call back from when I called her a few hours ago. I knew she was here cause I seen her purse on the counter. She must be knocked out.

Walking up to her room, I noticed that it was hella dark and she usually had the light on cause her scary as was afraid of the dark. Opening the door, I heard her soft moans which made me smirk. I know she wasn’t playing with herself.

When I flicked the lights on, I realized that she was on top of Kevin. My smirk was instantly wiped off of my face. I wish I could unsee this shit.

When she noticed the light was on, she turned around and panicked. “Shit! Jaylen give me a minute!” She said as she tried to cover herself with the sheets. I wasn’t even mad, that was her nigga.

But how you gone come to me crying and shit about how he cheated? She even kissed me herself.  I really don’t understand females.

“Nah, you good. Continue..” I forced a smile before shutting the door and leaving. I guess I’ll just go read a fucking book or something.

As soon as I got in my living room, I felt my phone vibrate. When I checked the screen, it was only a text from Robyn.

Robyn🌸: Jaylen 😫 I’m sorry, I didn’t see your call.

Me: it’s cool, it ain’t like we together so it ain’t my place to be feeling some type of way. That’s y'all business.

Robyn🌸: he didn’t cheat, he explained everything to me.

Me: yea aight. Have a good night Robyn

I sent the text before turning my phone off and tossing it to the side. I’m not even gone lie, that shit killed my mood but I’ll get over it. I could care less about her getting back with Kalvin, I just hate that she acts hella shady when she’s around him. Like I called her hours ago, I know they ain’t been fuckin’ that long. It’s like she puts him before anybody else whenever she around him and that’s that fake shit I be talking bout. Fuck it though, I’ll let her do her.

I was hella bored and the only person I knew that would be awake at this time of the night was O. I guess I’ll go over there even though he almost made me rock his shit earlier.

Once I locked up my place, I walked through O’s front door like I lived here. I technically did. I come over more than I stay at home.

Once I was in, I noticed it was mad dark and it smelled like vanilla. There was a few candles lit and some soft Marvin Gaye playing in the background. “Damn what y'all in here doing?” I cut the lights on and blew the candles out. Odell and Winter were sitting on the couch with a half drunken bottle of Alize.

“Can you lock your door next time? He’s always ruining stuff. Getting sick of him.” I heard Winter suck her teeth.

“Y'all don’t need to be doing that unholy stuff anyways. I came just in time.” I laughed as I squeezed my way in between them on the couch. Luckily they were fully clothed.

“You seriously need to get you some friends.” She rolled her eyes as she scooted further away on the couch. She really couldn’t stand me and it was funnier every time I saw her.

“Honestly.” Odell mumbled as I waved him off.

“You is my friend. My best friend.” I told her as I started to make kissing noises in her ear. I knew she was ready to go off any minute now. Before she could even get a word out, I heard Robyn’s voice.

“I thought I was your best friend..” I looked up at her coming down the stairs in her silk purple robe with her jet black hair pulled into a low ponytail. I wasn’t even trying to fool with her right now.

“I think the fuck not.” I mumbled under my breath as I got up to go in the kitchen to grab a water bottle. Now she wanted to talk to me since Kenny left? People funny as shit.

When I closed the fridge, she was right there. I sighed before speaking. “What?” She blew air out of her cheeks. It was hella awkward.

“You’re not going to say anything?”

“What you want me to say?” I took a sip of my water. On queue, her nigga started to walk in the kitchen before standing behind her. Was I supposed to leave?

“I’m bout to go, come walk me out.” He kissed her as she nodded. Hell naw.

“Nigga is you 5? She ain’t gotta walk you out. You a grown ass man.” I chuckled, sitting my water down. I felt like starting some shit just for the fun of it. Even though I wasn’t trying to mess with Rob right now, I wasn’t bout to have her out here looking like this nigga’s puppy. I need to talk to her about that shit.

He stopped walking and turned around to face me.

“My nigga, I’m done going back and forth wit you. What you tryna’ do?”

“God.. Kai stop!” Robyn tugged at his arm but he was still standing there mad as hell while I had the biggest smile on my face.

“Yea Kalvin, you heard her.” I laughed as he looked at me one last time before nodding. Him and Robyn proceeded to leave

“I was hoping he’d beat Jaylen’s ass.” I heard Winter suck her teeth. Never in that nigga’s dreams could he touch me. He just had the opportunity to. He had plenty.

A few minutes later, Robyn came back to the kitchen with an angry face.

Time for me to go.

Kayla

Beyoncè ministered to a bitch while she sipped her Moscato…alone on a Saturday night. Mine struck me right in my feelings as soon as the beginning notes began. A lone tear fell and slid down the slope of my cheek. Kaiden really thought I was just tryna be malicious and break up his “happy” relationship, when in all reality, I just wanted him to stop downplaying the significance of my presence in his life. We met young, grew up together, and expressed our love for each other in anyway we could. Our baby girl was the evidence of that; not only did I attempt to be a great mother and girlfriend for Kaiden and Kaila, I sacrificed a lot of my time for visiting him in jail, visiting him in the hospital, and attending court even though most times, I was his accomplice.

I was really out here looking like Tiny. You could hold a nigga down for so long but once you make the slightest mistake (losing our baby) that I couldn’t even control; you become a dub, you become a distraction, you’ve never proven yourself worthy to be loved, and that’s all bullshit.

“Been having conversations about breakups and separations.

I’m not feeling myself since the baby, are we gunna even make it?”

Biiiitch, if that wasn’t prophecy, I don’t know what was. I rolled my eyes when my phone vibrated next to me, interrupting my Waiting To Exhale moment and picked it up, hoping I wouldn’t see Kai’s name on my lock screen. Luckily, it was Jaylen’s tardy ass. The day BEEN over with and he thought I was gunna wait up for him and answer whenever the fuck he texted? Because that’s exactly what I was gunna do.

Jaylen: U still up for that game of 21 questions?

Something so simple made me grin so wide. God could remove a nigga from your life and replace him like nothing in record timing and I’m living for it.

Me: Yeah, come thru

About a minute later, a round of knocks were place against my door. Was his dumb ass already outside? When I didn’t answer quick enough, he began to knock louder, this time it sounded like the Grindin’ beat by the Clipse. I shook my head and smiled, unlocking my door. He stood tall with a few board games and snacks in one hand and a some alcohol in the other.

“Wassup?” he kissed the top of my hair and smiled like a goof before letting himself in.

“Hey, you know what time it is?” I asked.

“Yeah, about two.” he mumbled, opening the game of Trouble and helping himself to the kitchen to pop the cork on the bottle.

“It’s prime booty call hours.”

“Nah, a nigga just don’t be sleep. I won’t do you like some side. Well, ain’t no side because I ain’t got no main.”

I raised my eyebrows and flashed back to the gorgeous hoe with the stank ass attitude that popped up at his crib earlier. Homegirl wasn’t too happy about my presence.

“Shorty that came through earlier?” I asked and he smirked.

“Nah, bestfriend shit. She got a man, I was feeling her but- yo, you got some glasses for this?”

He cut himself off and I laughed to myself. Niggas weren’t the slightest bit of shit. I saw how he looked at her and how she looked at him.

“Top cupboard.”

“I know you got niggas coming through, short ass can barely reach paint in the store.”

I laughed loudly and fanned him off. “Hurry so we can play.”

He obliged and soon we were buzzed and playing 21 questions on the floor, in the middle of my living room. He laid against my chest and I played with his silky ass hair. I teased him and he told me he wasn’t fully black, he was right on the cusp of being both black and white. That raised suspicion for me, we’ve been cool for a little bit and I still barely knew him.

“What about your parents?” I asked and he shrugged out of my embrace to stand up.

“It’s late as a bitch, I should probably-” he began and I stopped him, pulling his long ass arm back down. It’s like he had a wall built up for his emotions.

“Story for story.” I saw the look of fear and color drained from his face. He was more than the funny asshole. He had substance and shit bottled up inside of him. We all do.

“I'ma be brief but, you ever love someone so much and you did them some wrong only to wake up a few days later and they become nothing but a faint memory?” That really hit home.

I played with my chain and looked down at the locket attached with Kaila’s picture in it.

I sobbed softly and he held me in his arms.

“Shit, I’m sorry. She ya sister or something?”

“Daughter.”

“You good?” he asked getting me some paper towels. I shook my head.

“I miss her so much and the person who I thought I could trust with my life, I can’t even trust him with my fucking car keys.”

“Fuck whoever that dumb ass nigga is. I’ll be here to support you, you got my number, Kay. I'ma pick up everyime, unless I’m drunk, that’s another story.”

“Thank you.” I laughed softly while he wiped my eyes. It was then that I realized that my feelings for Jaylen were more serious than I let myself believe. He could easily just become who I put all of my attention to.

Kai who?

[totallytubulargirl]

Donatello V.S. Raphael (Part 8)

Rating: M for Mature (Warning: Death, mentions of suicide.) Authors note: *takes deep breath* this is literally so sad, I can't handle it. Special shout outs to @sapphireslily and @fyreball66 for making this chapter possible. Summary: Donnie makes a stupid decision when he finds himself feeling helpless against his brothers and wife's betrayal. Donatello sat in his lab under a singular bulb that flickered on and off. His brow was sweaty in the steamy lab. The radiator cooked the lab at 100 degrees, steam almost floated from his skin but Donatello hadn't bothered to fix it. It didn't matter, nothing matter anymore. He stopped writing for a second only to chug from his flask. He wiped his forehead with the back of his arm as [Y/N] opened the cellar door. She made her way down the rickety old steps and donatellos muscles froze. "Hey baby." She said softly. She was so worried about him. [Y/N] knew something was wrong, she had never seen him seclude himself for so long. He seemed almost miserable, but he refused to talk, locking himself away in his lab. "Do you need anything?" Donatello wanted to scream that he needed her, that he needed her love. Instead he softly nodded his head. "No thanks [Y/N]." She stood at the bottom of the stairs, staring at the back of his head in silence. Donnie could feel her presence and he kept quiet until the creak on the steps signaled her departure. [Y/N] stopped at the cellar door. "Just remember Don, im your wife, you can tell me anything." With that she shut the doors to his lab. Donatello was angrier now. Don, he scoffed. That's what raph called him. He quickly went back to writing a report on the 2000 USA census. He would do anything just to keep the thought of his wife underneath Raphael away. Donatello was already drunk, but he took another swig anyways. He had become more reserved, only interacting with people when he was drunk and it was absolutely necessary. The anger in his chest fueled a fire that left his insides burnt and sore. His entire body seemed to ache and he couldn't force his way out of bed unless there was a promise of alcohol. Tears had seemed to stop flowing, balling up in his throat and turning into an acid that melted his insides. He took another drink. Soon it would be time to end this all. *** [Y/N] sat in the living room with the entire family, watching some news. Everyone had seemed to come over at once and they convinced Donatello to come out from hiding. She sat on the recliner with Donnie next to her on the couch. Splinter sat in between Donnie and Leo. Michelangelo was on the floor and Raphael was in the bathroom. Donatello was very quiet, his brows were angrily drawn together and his hand sat in front of his mouth protectively. He almost looked like Raphael. His leg shook impatiently, counting the seconds until he could retreat to hiding. Donatello took a sip from a water bottle that was filled with crystal clear vodka. No one seemed to notice, or if they did they didn't say anything. Raphael came walking down the hall and Donnie only moved his eyes to watch him. What was so special about Raphael? Why him? "Man I'm thirsty." He stretched his biceps and Donnie quickly stood up. "Let me, I was getting more water anyways." Raphael sat where Donnie had been. "Cool, get me a coke." Donnie rolled his eyes and swayed into the kitchen. He pulled a coke from the fridge, almost tripping into the counters. He pulled the vial from his pocket, it was time. He only contemplated his choice for a second before popping the cork and pouring the entire thing into Raphaels drink. Donnie took a deep breath and carried the open coke into the living room. He felt like everyone was staring at him as he handed the coke to Raph. "Thanks." He said, immediately taking a huge swig. Donnie stared at him drink before retreating into hiding. *** Raphael laid in bed for what felt like years. He had never been this sick before. His insides felt like they were trying to crawl out of his body through his throat. He couldn't go longer then two hours without puking. Donatello said it was just the flu, but it felt worse. His sweat drenched the bed but he couldn't take the blankets off without shivering. He had to stay in the main house so Donnie could monitor him 24/7 but [Y/N] also took care of him, coming every hour to his room to make sure he was still alive. A small knock on the door ripped through the silence, followed by [Y/N] opening his door. "Hey." She whispered as she stepped in. "How are you?" Her eyes were red and swollen from crying so much. Between Donnie spiraling into deep depression and Raphael getting so sick so suddenly, she hadn't had a nights rest. She would lie awake at night, sick with worry for both of them. Donatello didn't even come to bed anymore, she was always alone. Living in a constant state of fear for both of the men that she loved. Raph tried feigning a smile for her. "I'm feeling better." As soon as the words left his mouth, vomit immediately chased it and he turned away from her to puke. She rushed to his side to hold his bandana tails back. "It's ok," she whispered, trying not to cry. "Just let it out." She wondered for a moment if just this once she could sleep in Raphaels bed but she quickly had her answer as Donatello entered the room. He looked back and forth in between them before staggering into the room. "Raph." He called him as he vomited. Donatello rolled his eyes. "Raph! I need to check your vitals." He waited until Raphael was done puking to shoo his wife away from Raphaels side. He quickly pretended to check his temperature and heart beat, "looks like this will be the worst of it, should be gone in a couple of days." Raphael grunted and threw himself backwards onto the bed. "Great." Donnie stood up and went to leave the room, stopping before he reached the door. "Let's go [Y/N]." She opened her mouth to make an excuse but got the feeling she shouldn't. She walked towards him and took his hand. "Feel better raph." *** Donatello watched the clock closely. Tick. The hour neared. Tock. He could hear his own breathing heavily in his ears. Tick. He scraped his nails against his scalp. He was going to go crazy just sitting their, he needed to know what was going on. Donatello stood up and headed towards Raphaels room. There he found his brother not alive, but not quite dead. His breathing was shallow and his once green skin, was an ashy olive tone. Donnie rushed to his side, scooping his head into his arms. "Donnie," Raph croaked. "This doesn't feel like a regular cold no more." "I know." Donatello replied. "That's because it's not." Donnie bit his lip, holding back tears. Here lay his brother about to die, because of him. Raphael only moved his pupils to look at Don, "What do ya mean?" He managed. Donnie hardened his expression. "I know raph." Raphaels eyes widened as anxiety flooded his body. He had had nightmares about this very moment but now he couldn't react, he didn't even have the energy to explain. "I love her." Raphael grunted. Donnie wanted to throw Raph across the room, but kept him in his arms. "How long?" He asked as anger hardened his voice. Raph was quiet before Donnie shook him. "How long!?" He asked again. "10 years don." Of all the times to be cocky, Raph was feeling it on his deathbed. It felt good to be in the open, to not be ashamed of his love. "How'd you find out?" Donatello only squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that maybe it would make all the noise go away, shooing away every emotion that was ushering him towards suicide. "A few weeks ago... you fell asleep together a-and I found you." Donnie's mind flickered back to the horrid moment when his life had shattered around him. He very slowly turned towards raph. "It's my fault your sick." His voice was cold but tears still spilled from his eyes. "I... I poisoned you Raph." Raphaels eyes widened in surprise but coughs abruptly stopped him. He coughed so much he felt his lungs were going to fall out onto the floor. Something acidic burned its way up his throat and out of his mouth. Donnie held Raphael close while he shook and foam burst from his lips. "Shhh." He cried. "Everything will be ok." Donatello couldn't remember the exact moment that the life left his brothers eyes, but he sat in the bedroom holding Raphael until he heard screaming. [Y/N] had walked in and seen Donatello's emotionless face, holding Raphael tightly. His whole family rushed into the room but they felt like strangers. He watched tears pour from his wife's eyes and could see the torment in her soul at the death of her lover. "I want a divorce." He stood up, letting go of his brother for the last time as shock filled [Y/N]'s broken heart.