#literally falls over laughing

[whatsfourteenupto]

Today Rose gave the Fourteenth Doctor a t-shirt that simply said “Spiders Georg.” He’s got no idea what it means, but it’s a gift from his favorite niece so of course he’s going to wear it.

[extravagantliar]

do yall think modern Kirkwall has the worst transit

[justmehernthemoon]

feeling soooo normal about two of my oldest friends from home having a falling out when im not there to be like shut the fuck up!!!!!!

[autumnfangirler]

Becker family shenanigans >:) (ft. @villainsidestep's fawn becker and @idlenight's river becker! this was also inspired by their posts)

text is in the alt text, and click for better quality because tumblr is apparently determined to kill the quality of everything i post

[realredbanana]

Totally random thing that I’m just so confused and flabbergasted that I have to tell someone. Apparently, my nana doesn’t believe in evolution???? Like, on some level, I totally get why my “technically, in terms of clades, fish either don’t exist as a category, or humans (and most, if not all, other mammals) are fish” thing sounds ridiculous (hence why I didn’t bring it up with her), but to deny evolution as a whole??????? what???????????

[jessicas-pi]

FIGURED IT OUT THE COMMENT WAS JUST TOO LONG (there was so much genius to comment on!!!) SO I SUBMITTED IT IN TWO PARTS

🥳🥳🥳

[queerbrainrot]

people out there sending death threats over someone comparing a cunty fictional vampire with every mental illness and a pop singer nr 98939873 from assembly line like they have no stress in their life

[vampmilf]

out on the beach in hurricane winds im getting my skin sanded straight off

[athousandsuns2010]

being in an online friend group again is making me feel like im 15 years old on skype making jokes that literally 4 other people in the world are gonna find funny

[merevide]

girl fuck you and your falling in love in october like seriously

[hauntingblue]

That batman jukebox musical tik tok made me thing about how mama would be a great song for jason dying in the warehouse

[seventh-district]

it’s fucking pouring down rain, incessantly thundering and hailing bigass ice chunks outside rn and my father is standing out in the yard in a giant black raincoat lookin like a redneck version of Bitores Méndez, chugging a beer and hollering at the sky like it’s the best day of his life

[minasweep]

what a monday todays been! (its thursday)

[babysizedfics]

me, to myself: hm should i use 'valiantly' or 'with fervour' in this sentence

cg: love that that's the question you ask yourself when writing fluffy comedy-based agere fic

[sixic]

gojo hates condoms ☆

not even in an ‘i can’t feel a thing’ frat-fuck way either. he just wants to be close to you. he’s touch starved as it is and being inside of you is quite literally the closet he can be to you. why would he want a barrier between his achy length and your silken walls?

he hates condoms. hates them like they’re pointing south on his moral compass. hates them like they hurt to use—which they do, in a way—the mental anguish feels real to him, at least. he picks up a fuss in the grocery store when you pull a pack of ribbed condoms from the shelf to try because why would you seek pleasure from artificial ridges when the protruding veins of his cock would feel just as good if not dressed in a condom?

sometimes he eats you out for twice as long as usual to get you really fucked out and dumb. he’ll make you cum hard and fast and so much that your mind is a mess in the hopes that you’ll forget all about your safety precautions and let him feel you from the inside out. but you always catch on. with a tsk and a finger pointed to the draw where he keeps the horrid things out of sight.

so when you let him fuck you raw for the first time, gojo is reeling. it’s on the condition that he promises to pull out, and promise he does—with a pinky finger hooked around yours and his lips to his thumb—he promises to pull out.

he decides on missionary, because as much as he loves the hundred different positions he knows how to wrangle you into, he wants to connect with you. to make love, not fuck.

and even your wetness against his tip is enough to jolt his stomach downwards. collecting your glossing over his angry head as he rubs himself up and down your folds—he would cum just like this if he wasn’t so stuck on feeling all of you. you’re warm and wet and tight as he pushes against your entrance and oh god he’s going to cum already.

“oh,” he stills, eyes deadset on yours as he slides into you. his tip is rubbing against that spot that makes your back arch upwards and it takes everything in you not to laugh at the distraught look on his face as he says “i have to pull out.”

“you’re joking, right?”

“i really wish i was baby,” he looks pained. he’s never felt something so heavenly and ungodly at the same time. he wants to do bad things, to fuck you into the mattress and breed you full of himself until you’re too weak to care about the aftermath of such recklessness. “i can’t pull out.”

“what?” you laugh, his balls tighten at the sound.

“if i move—” satoru has never looked so serious, “—i will cum. this was a bad idea. why would you let me do this?”

“you’re the one always—”

“actually don’t argue with me, you know what it does to me.” he squeezes his eyes shut and focuses on anything other then the way you feel around him. he does math in his head, thinks about the people he’s killed, how much he loves you… how pretty you look right now… growing old with you.

“i swear you’re getting harder inside of—”

“imsorryiloveyoubutpleasebequietorelseyouaregoingtogetpregnant.”

it takes him a minute of mental gymnastics to feel confident enough to start slowly sliding out of you, but all hope dies when the heel of your foot presses against his ass and with a smile made of sin you pull him deeper inside of you.

he opens his mouth to protest, to tell you he is not joking and all that comes out is a beautiful strangled moan that makes you tighten around him. for a man who claims to be the strongest he is rather weak-willed when it comes to your pussy. he needs to cum so hard that it hurts, but a fear of maybe ruining your life and relationship digs his teeth into his bottom lip.

“don’t do this to me,” he whines.

but you’re smiling. you’re so tight and wet and beautiful and everything he’s ever dreamt of having and holding and you’re smiling. “satoru,” you say, and he’s weak. “cum inside.”

anything for you. it’s gorgeous: the way he lets loose, falling forward to press all his weight into you as he groans and his balls release in hot spurts that you can feel painting your insides white. it’s the connection, the intimacy, the tears that prick at his eyes.

and he doesn’t pull out. no, he presses his hips forward to fuck his cum as deep into you as he possibly can and he vows to throw out every condom in the goddamn house.

god he hates condoms.

part 2

[katboykirby]

Fingerbanging Satan to within an inch of his life meanwhile he can't shut the fuck up about this new detective novel he's been reading lately.

boys that will let you finger them while they talk to you about their interests, acting like nothing’s happening. boys that try to keep their composure even when you’re swirling your tongue around their perky little tdick. boys who fuck themselves on your fingers because they can’t take it anymore