#literally cas screaming that jack mattered
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anassemblageofpassions · 1 month ago
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*goes back on tumblr to see the bad dad discourse*
I’m going to scream yall oh my godddd. Ok so the thing is. They are all bad parents but the reason they are all bad parents is literally because dean is an active abuser and sam and cas keep enabling him and don’t stand up enough for jack to them. They are the battered spouses. Dean wants to put jack in the box. He forces sam to manipulate jack into it. Cas is trying to figure out whether they should put jack in the cage. They’re literally awful. All of them. Jack had an abusive father and two fathers who were victims of said abuser’s abuse and also enabled and occasionally aided the abuse aimed at him even if they didn’t like it. Jack deserved better than all of them.
Anyways. The actual ranking is something like this:
Tied for worst=Dean & Lucifer
Tied for mid=Sam & Cas
best=Kelly. And she didnt even get the chance to raise him beyond the womb.
Sam and cas are Bobby’s mother on the floor picking up the broken pieces of plate that dean threw there while he hurls abuse at his son. If jack had killed dean the way Bobby killed his father, they would have had the same reaction as his mother. They are the ones asking why he always has to provoke him, albeit they are nicer to him.
Dean is violently abusive to jack. This is textual. This is onscreen. It doesnt matter whatever reasons he had, i literally dont want to hear “he was grieving cas/mary/his freedom/etc/whatever” yes he was. All of that is true. That doesnt change the fact that he was violently abusive to jack, and that he was the one literally trying to kill/imprison him on multiple occasions.
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shallowseeker · 11 months ago
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Another thing: likability and ambition
And the thing is, Dean and Cas are so liked…
No matter how tryhard or loser-ish they come off initially, they’re frankly, more well-liked in crowds. They instinctively make connections with others that characters like Sam or the Macleods could only dream of. Even Lucifer knows this when he lets Cas be the one to inspire Heaven.
But characters like Rowena, Crowley, Sam tend to not be well-liked. They’re kicking and screaming to be accepted in groups and they just…don’t know why they’re such ill fits. They’re aware that their class is a barrier, so they flounder with trying out power, ambition, leadership, status etc to blot out being the simple matter of being a weirdo.
Sam would be gutted to lose a popularity contest to Dean, actually. Sam wants to beat you out for prom King, okay? If he lost to you? He’d get huffy. But if Dean or Cas lost to Sam’s prom-Kingness they would not care…literally would go hole up and do something else: concession food, TV marathon, whatever.
Jack has glimmers of being ill fitting with others (ex: Lebanon kids) but doesn’t actually struggle in the Sam way. Jack’s likability is part-performance (like Dean’s “cool guy”) but when it falls away, he tends to connect immediately (Maggie, Kaia) through virtue of embracing his sassy weirdo self (a la Cas).
I mean…everyone wants to be likable and fit in to some degree. I just find it interesting! Even Chuck wants to be “likable.”
Less and more? Another way Sam and Jack are fundamentally different re: their emotional interiority
I'm not able to put this into perfect words tonight, and this runs the risk of oversimplifying Sam, but here goes...
I feel like Sam, for a great portion of his story, longs to Be More, or at least, to give the appearance of Being More.
Sam tells people he's working on his Ph.D. Sam got into Harvard. Sam tells people he was in law school when he was simply "pre-law." Sam wanted to Be Normal, not for simplicity's sake, but perhaps for the holy grail of Making It. (Whatever Making It means in America.)
Intellectualism is important to Sam. Sam's fantasies take place in libraries. Sam likes being a legacy. Sam is smart, and he wants you to see him as smart. (Dean and Cas are craftier; they're more okay with being underestimated because it allows them to cunningly get the upper hand. Crucially, they recognize this about each other's intelligence, too.)
At his core, Sam isn't a "boy-king," not really. He was styled as boy-king in order to be served up on a platter to the True King (Lucifer) to use to win a war. It was a class gambit--a fancy title to get Sam to submit his body for the profit of the war machine.
///
Jack, on the other hand, is the real deal. Jack is a "young prince." He's the "Bambi" to Cas's stern "Great Prince of the Forest."
Jack isn't borrowing powers or accidentally siphoning them off from a yellow-eyed demon. His powers are his own. Even when he uses powers "beyond himself," they derive from his own soul. This fundamental difference in his nature makes Jack something of an off-key parallel to Sam. (He, of course, does parallel Sam when he's eating angel hearts, just as he parallels Cas’s Godstiel appetite re:Purgatory souls.)
But on the whole, Jack wants to be Less. He longs for simplicity in the same way that Dean does. In the same way that Mary does. Sure, Jack wants to Be Good and Do Good, same as Sam does (they are both Doomed Children, after all). But he also wants powers and strength in the same way that Cas and Dean do; that is, primarily to protect everyone.
Jack doesn't appear to have the same status drive that Sam did as a young man.
And for that matter, neither does Mary. Like Sam, she wants a normal life in order to feel safe and secure, but she lacks the drive to impress others by Being a Success.
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sortasirius · 4 years ago
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“Despair” and Dean and Cas
Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.
As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, it’s extremely emotional.
So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.
Just want to point out this.  Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.
Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary.  Cas’ calming, Dean’s fear, Sam’s desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.
“I can’t stop this.  I’m coming apart.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Don’t let me hurt you.”
Oof.  If you’ve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.
When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE?????  PAIN.
“Yeah the Empty can’t come to earth, not without being summoned.”
Hello Bobo, clue number 1.
The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.
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Also Dean wielding Death’s scythe?????? KING?????
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Man, Sam and Dean’s growth.  The way that they’re able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain.  It’s just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt.  Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.
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CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF
Also...hunters and their “dates.”  Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters.  Hm.  Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.
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You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others?  Because I do.  He’s always tried to be “useful” for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that he’s useful enough that they keep him around.  But what he doesn’t understand, what he’s never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.
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Remind y’all of anything?
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And here we have Clue Number 2
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And then, Sam’s realization.  Eileen.
Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name?  Who’s to say?
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How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????
Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen.  Clue Number 3.
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I feel like I don’t talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen.  About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her.  This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but we’ve barely even started.
Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode?  He is the love of my life.
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Dean’s simple nod, like it’s a given?  Enough to do me in right there.
This is another episode where it’s just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters.  Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him.  He’s knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter.  Once again, I don’t believe his work on earth is done.
Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant???  I don’t really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????
With Billie saying that it’s Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board.  It’s like I said last week, I don’t buy that he’s taken himself off the board, he’s too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back.  He’s gotta break them before he can defeat them, that’s the only way.
And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.
Dean’s speech.  His guilt, his regret.  The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.
“I just lead us into another trap.  All because I, I couldn’t hurt Chuck.  Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do.”
“Dean-”
“It was Chuck all along.  We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now.  Everybody’s gonna die, Cas.  Everybody.  I can’t stop it.”
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His narrative arc.  Tied up in a bow.
“She’s gonna get through that door.”
“I know.”
“And she’s gonna kill you and then she’s gonna kill me.  I’m sorry.”
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Cas smiles.
Cas knows.  He knows what’ll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.
“When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.”
“You what?”
“The price was my life.  When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I’ve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like.  I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. 
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“But I think I know, I think I know now...happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being.  It’s in just saying it.”
“What are you talking about, man?”
The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is.  To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.
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“I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean.  You see yourself the same way our enemies see you.  You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re daddy’s blunt instrument.  And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are.  It’s not.  And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.  You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love.  That is who you are.
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“You’re the most caring man on earth.  You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.  You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta Hell...knowing you has changed me.
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“Because you cared, I cared.  I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you. 
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“You changed me, Dean.”
“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”
Dean’s greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.
“Because it is.
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The head shake.  Don’t love me.  Don’t love me if it means you’ll leave me, don’t love me, everyone I love leaves me.  Don’t leave me.  Don’t love me.  Don’t leave me.
“Don’t do this, Cas.”
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Just like I always thought.  One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.
“Cas-”
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“Goodbye Dean.”
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And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Sam’s calls, unable to do anything.  It doesn’t matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesn’t matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he won’t get another chance to say it.
The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writers’ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this.  Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.
I talk a lot about how these writers don’t get the credit they deserve.  Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will.  We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen.  But they did it.  They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.
It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit.  They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story.  This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.
I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.
Sam is missing Eileen.  Dean is missing Cas.  That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them.  Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back.  Chuck will not win.  That’s not the story being told, and right now?  He’s winning.  He’s broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.
Our show is going to end with “contentment.”  “Contentment” isn’t from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road.  It isn’t Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one.  “Contentment” is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas.  Together.
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agusvedder · 4 years ago
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How season 11 outlined the romantic endgames.
I understand fear of disappointment, I understand, believe me. But this season (along with all the Dabb and Carver era) pointed out perfectly and outlined the romantic endgames for our boys, and the obstacles.
Endgames? Found family, Sam with Eileen, Dean with Cas. Freedom. Peace. 
Obstacles? Their own inhability of moving on, of changing, of acknowledging traumas and pain, and healing. Chuck.
As I pointed out on a different post about Season’s 13 THE ROAD SO FAR, they decided to use “Nothing else matters” to start the whole season. In the moment Hetfield sings “Forever trust in who we are” we see Sam hugging Eileen and Dean hugging Cas. 
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Ring any bells?
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I think that speaks for itself. At that specific moment of the show Eileen was dead, and Cas too. 
Why would they ‘show us Eileen in season 13′s opening if they didn’t plan on bringing her back later? Same with Cas?
(Eileen was gone until the last minute of episode 19, that Jack bring her, and everybody, back...)
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FOREVER TRUST IN WHO WE ARE.
Forever is just the future word for ALWAYS. 
They were ALWAYS real. Always. 
(btw, I will NEVER stop talking about that road so far cause I love Metallica and ir brings me to tears)
On a season where the most important thing is what’s real and what’s not they decided to canonize both couples. Bring Eileen back from the dead, finally use Cas’s empty plot to show us that his happiness is loving Dean inconditionally. 
An amazing example of how Season 11 outlined the endgames is one of my favorites: “Into The Mystic”. They introduced Eileen on an episode where Castiel was possessed by Lucifer, pretending to be Cas to talk to Dean. 
Too many bells, halp.-
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(HEHEHE! pain is my middle name) 
In that episode we meet Sam Winchester’s perfect woman, badass, smart,  planning to go to law school, lost her parents when she was a baby too, and she’s a MOL legacy. 
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(Dude, first episode with her! THOSE HEART EYES!)
But this . . . this. 
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Ring another bell?
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“What the hell are you talking about, man?”
(That’s what I thought you’d say, you dumb fucking Dean)
At the end of the episode, Dean was left with a burning desire of following his heart and the pressing matter that he’s pining for someone (who’s not Amara, like he said in that same episode, he’s not in love with her), and we see Sam saving a pamphlet of the retirement home, showing us he still sees that light at the end of the tunnel. 
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It’s made clear Dean was frustrated by the whole Amara situation but also seeing Cas not giving a fuck about it, not feeling the slight sign of jealousy, saying his bond with Amara is a good thing that can help them draw her out aka using him as bait.
In the end of this very same episode Sam apologizes to Dean for not searching for him when he was in purgatory (4 years later!!) and Dean shrugs him off cause that’s not really important for him anymore. What’s important for both of them is what happened during purgatory. Dean searched for Cas inceasently, praying to him every night, refusing to leave without him, and willing to die to get him out of there. In that very same moment, Sam gave up hunting to stay with the woman he loved (and a dog!!). He literally gave up, he wanted retirement. The same thing Mildred talked about with Dean in Into The Mystic. Just like Dean wanted it on season 13′s finale. 
To be honest, we can clearly see how Sam was certain of what he wanted for his future way before Dean did. That’s why he stayed with Amelia in season 8, that’s why he asked his brother 7 episodes before meeting Eileen if he ever thought about settling down with “someone who gets the life”. why he tried to give his number to “Piper” on that same episode. He’s been ready for settling down with someone for years now. And now he has his finally ever after with Eileen cause Chuck’s finally out the board.
Dean on the other side is so repressed with his feelings and wants that well, he cannot allow himself to let the sun shine on his face, and finally “Being”... finally “Say It”. 
What convinces me that Cas is coming back for a last episode, is that he’s the first step for Dean to accept what he wants for his future, he’s the only one who’s left for Dean to take the decision of being finally happy. He’s a constant in Dean’s life, and Dean loves Cas just as much as Cas loves Dean. He cannot function without Cas. He’s been forever saved and changed thanks to him. 
Also because he fucking deserve to end up with the man he loves so fully.
Dean’s arc is still open, Cas’s too. Sam’s not. He already have what he wanted, he can finally retire and be with the woman he love.
---
The whole plot of season 11 is connected directly to season 15. Amara, Cas’s depression and the look for his own faith/sense of purpose, Dean’s romantic conflict with Cas (He literally’s been screaming “Cas” the whole fucking season), Sam in look for what’s real and not, thinking he was talking to God when he was being manipulated by Lucifer (The gun wound that connected him to God, the visions, The Devil In The Details, a very very important episode for Sammy’s overall story), Rowena’s redeption arc, Chuck revealing he’s God. Don’t Call Me Shurley. Billie and the Empty being introduced into the storyline! 
I invite you guys to watch Dabb’s era again, it’s a plethora of unanswered questions (who finally found it’s answers this season), search for the sense of self, purpose, beating depression, redemption arcs for the villains, forgiveness. Family. Family. FAMILY. FA M I L Y .
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lookforanewangle · 3 years ago
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hold on a little longer || spn || 2k || ao3
tags: blood, injury, broken bones, hurt/comfort, and forehead touches! also protective dean and protective cas
Between the spells, and the warding, and the combination of grace and Rowena's power, they thought they had been prepared.
Chuck, however, always seemed to be one step ahead of them.
or, Cas's grace is dwindling, Dean is dying, and both of them are too protective of the other for their own good.
a/n: inspired by this post by @letsboldlygomotherfuckers and @rainbowscas
also, I’m also playing in my hci verse here a little bit; all you need to know is that chuck turns to this universe after the show's canon (and yes, I believe in the chuck won theory, it's the only thing that makes sense), and tries to mix things up a bit. cas is introduced when dean is 13 instead of 28? 29? there are a lot of other changes, but those don't play into this scene, so I'm not gonna spoil anything else ;) this bit wouldn't come in until fic four or five anyway. idk if I'll ever write that far, but here's hoping!! (fic one is like.....a little over halfway done. I think. we have a long way to go lmao)
Between the spells, and the warding, and the combination of grace and Rowena's power, they thought they had been prepared.
Chuck, however, always seemed to be one step ahead of them.
"How?" Cas bites between waves of pain, arms bound tight behind him. There's blood dripping down his face, a shoulder dislocated, maybe a rib cracked, but his pain is nothing close to what Dean must be feeling.
Dean, who is just a mess of broken bones and skin on the floor.
“Because, see, I already know what’s going to happen,” Chuck says, pacing leisurely around them, tilting down towards Dean's unconscious form as he speaks. His footsteps are quiet in the vast emptiness of the warehouse, but each step seems to pound in time with Cas’s own injuries, pain driving higher at each step. For all Cas knows, Chuck could be doing that on purpose.
“Your brother will come racing in to save you,” Chuck continues, gesturing as he speaks, “and Jack will be there, too. They’ll make some valiant effort to save the two of you, try to beat me at my own game, but it’s not going to work. I’ve written every possibility, every scenario that could ever happen. Each one, I win. It's literally impossible for me to lose!” he says with a giddy grin, arms spreading out to his sides in victory.
Cas strains against his bonds, wrists tied much too tightly against the small of his back, eyes never leaving Dean’s too-still form on the floor.
“Dean,” Cas calls, but Dean doesn’t stir. His limbs are bent at awkward angles, the whole of him a heap atop blood splattered across the ground. Too much blood. Cas would almost think he was dead if not for the wheezing emanating from Dean’s chest at every shallow breath, every minuscule rise and fall. If he could just get close enough—
Chuck’s fist hits his face, and Cas crashes to the ground with a grunt.
“I never did get you figured out,” Chuck says, crouching in front of him. He tilts his head as he observes Cas struggle back into a sitting position. “Whatever changed, whatever you did in the last universe bled over into this one, and now we’re at the same end here as we were there. Well, almost. Close enough, anyway. You, grace failing and doing everything you can to save Dean, nearing death at every second. Dean will follow soon after, no matter what you do,” Chuck says with a helpless shrug. “It’s just how it’s supposed to go. Then again, if you hadn’t broken script…”
He trails off suggestively, and Cas’s blood runs cold. No. No. Dean’s coming death couldn’t— wouldn’t— be his fault.
“Dean’s not dying today,” Cas says, determined, voice gravelly.
“That’s not up to you,” Chuck counters. He reaches his hand out towards Cas and squeezes. Cas’s chest constricts in pain. He gasps, doubling over, feeling his grace ebbing further and further from his reach.
“Dean was always meant to die,” Chuck says, slowly twisting his wrist. Cas cries out in pain, tucking his head towards his chest, trying and failing to pull away from the pain radiating through every cell. “Even if you hadn’t saved him all those times, he still would have gone out in that stupid blaze of glory he was always glorifying.”
Chuck releases his grip on Cas’s grace. Cas goes limp with a gasp, limbs weak and trembling. Chuck hums.
“Wish I could just kill you now,” he says glumly. “But of all the drafts, killing you and Dean slowly in front of Sam and Jack is just...so much juicier. The pain is so much more intense when you make them watch. Especially if you're first. Dean watching you die just never gets old,” he says, fond smile on his face.
Cas wants to throw up.
“Well, then!” Chuck says with a sigh, eyebrows raised. He slaps his thighs and pushes to his feet, turning towards the entrance. “I’ll be back in, oh, however long it takes for Sam and Jack to show up. Depends on how they decided to travel here. There’s six different drafts just for their transportation. So, you know, don’t go anywhere,” Chuck calls over his shoulder with a wink. He snaps his fingers. Cas screams as his shin shatters. The door slams behind him and the sound reverberates through the warehouse, thunderous in Cas’s ears.
Cas takes a moment to get his ragged breathing under control, fighting down the little amount of grace he has left. He can’t let himself heal. He has to get to Dean first.
Dean is not dying tonight.
Cas grits his teeth against the pain, rolling over onto his stomach. He clenches his fingers in their binds and squeezes tight as he uses his good leg to push himself across the concrete towards Dean, biting back a cry as his leg is jostled. His brow furrows and he pushes on, refusing to let the pain get in his way.
“Dean,” he calls out as he draws near, desperate to hear his voice.
Dean doesn’t answer.
Cas pushes the final few feet and rolls to his side, heaving for air. He tugs at his bonds again, but until he’s able to heal his leg there’s no way he’s breaking out of the enchanted chains tying him back. He lets his eyes slip closed and leans forward, pressing his forehead gingerly against Dean’s bloody brow. He channels any scrap of grace he has left through that connection, hoping with everything he’s got that he reached him in time. Broken bones will heal on their own; he focuses his energy towards anything vital—damaged organs, severe trauma around his skull, and whatever else he can heal, remaining grace and breath leaving him in a rush. Dean’s wheezing has gone away at least, his breath steady and sure, and Cas sags, exhausted.
“Dean,” he whispers, voice weak. He pushes his brow against Dean’s forehead just enough to feel the pressure. He doesn’t have the strength for much else. “Dean. Please.”
Dean stirs slowly, and Cas fights with everything in him to stay awake. He has to make sure—
“Cas?” Dean breathes. Dean is still coming to, but Cas can feel darkness seeping in at the edges of his own consciousness, startling him back into awareness. Not yet, he begs desperately, blinking hard. Please not yet.
“Dean,” Cas answers, his voice so weak he’s not even sure that Dean heard it. Dean shifts against him. Cas concentrates on breathing through the pain, waiting for Dean to realize—
Dean inhales sharply and curses under his breath.
Cas is beginning to drift again, but he can hear Dean scramble into a sitting position, grunting against some pain Cas’s dwindling grace couldn’t reach. But he’s alive, Cas reassures himself in relief as the darkness grips him tighter. He’s still alive.
For how much longer, he can’t guarantee, but just for now is good enough.
Dean grabs his face between his palms then, fingers holding him steady, squeezing gently. Cas's eyelids flutter, exhaustion dragging at his limbs.
“No no no, hey,” Dean says in a rush, words quiet. Cas can hear the desperation in every syllable. “Come on, Cas, stay with me, man.”
Cas grunts softly in response.
“‘M here,” he rasps. Dean sighs, tipping forward to press their foreheads together.
“Okay,” Dean says under his breath, thumb swiping across Cas’s cheek. Cas is almost certain that was more for Dean than himself, reassuring himself that Cas was alive. Cas wants to reach up and grab him, intertwine their fingers, and assure Dean that he’ll be all right. But everything hurts, it’s difficult to breathe, and he’s not going to be awake for much longer; draining his grace like that wiped him out. Survivable, but dreadfully exhausting.
“Okay,” Dean says again, firm, shifting to move Cas, “let’s get you up.”
White hot pain explodes as Dean brushes against his leg, ricocheting into every other pain across his vessel. His back arches as he shouts, eyes clenching tight, teeth clenching.
“Ngh! Don’t—”
“Okay, okay,” Dean says, voice pained as he changes direction, lifting Cas's head into his lap. He settles and slides a hand into Cas's hair, brushing through slow and careful as he scans him for injuries. Cas is sure his leg is a mess, but the other injuries aren’t as obvious. Cas gasps, breaths shuddering in and out of his chest as he sags, the pain dulling back from the sharp flares at being moved.
“Are...are you all right?” Cas says as the pain fades to the background, eyes slipping closed as he rolls his head against Dean’s thigh towards his stomach. Dean barks a laugh, disbelieving, and shifts the hand in his hair to cup his face.
“Am I all right? Cas, you’re a mess.”
“Are you all right,” Cas repeats, straining through the tightness of his chest. He opens his eyes to look Dean over, searching for any sign that he's lying.
"Yeah," Dean says quietly, sobering as he meets his gaze. He swipes a thumb across Cas's cheek, eyes flicking back and forth across Cas's features. "Yeah I'll live, no thanks to you."
Cas exhales, breath rushing out in relief.
"Good," he whispers. "Good."
They sit like that for a moment and just breathe, pipes clanging in the distance. Cas shifts uncomfortably, arms pinned beneath him.
"Gotta get you up, Cas," Dean murmurs, apologetic, and slowly tugs Cas up and into his arms. Cas fights back a cry as he's shifted, Dean apologizing softly as he goes. Once up, Cas's head lolls against Dean's shoulder. He exhales slowly through his teeth, pushing the pain down and away as best he can. Dean presses a gentle kiss to his hair and turns his attention to Cas's wrists. He tugs at the bindings single-handed, his other arm holding Cas to him. He grunts in frustration as the chains only tighten at his efforts, Cas tensing in his arms. He shifts his hand to Cas's back, rubbing his hand up and down Cas's spine soothingly.
"We're gonna get you out of here, okay? We're gonna make it, Cas," Dean promises. "You hearing me?"
"Yes, Dean," Cas breathes. Everything hurts.
"Just, don't—" Dean takes an unsteady breath, fingers tightening on Cas's shoulder. He buries his face in Cas’s hair, eyes squeezed shut in agony. His voice is hoarse. "Don't you leave me again, Cas. Please. I can't...I can't go through that again. One more time and I'm done. I'm just done."
"Dean—"
"You don't have any idea, man," Dean whispers. "You have no idea what you do to me every time you leave. If I have to go through that again, I—"
He cuts off with a shuddering exhale. Cas's chest aches.
"Dean," he whispers, breathless. He presses his crown to Dean's throat. Dean tips his cheek against Cas's hair and sighs deep. Sam had told Cas in not so many words how hard Dean took each of his deaths and disappearances, but to hear it from Dean himself hurts Cas worse than any physical injury.
"I'm not leaving," Cas promises, voice weak from pain. He's fading again, clinging to consciousness with a death grip. He has to make sure Dean understands. "If we can...can defeat Chuck, I'm not leaving, Dean."
Dean's arm tightens around his back.
"I'm not leaving," Cas whispers again. "I-I want…I want nothing more than to stay by your side."
Dean shudders.
"Cas," he breathes. "I—"
A door bangs open somewhere in the warehouse. The two of them tense, breaths frozen. Dean scans the room for his gun, reaching out with his foot to pull it towards them. Once in his grasp, he pulls it to his lips, murmuring something against the metal, and aims it towards the sound, cocked and ready.
"Dean," Cas starts, but Dean shushes him, pulling him closer.
"We're gonna be fine," he says, reassuring. His eyes are steely as he waits, hand steady on the gun. "I'm not letting him take you away from me.
"Never again."
----
tagging some mutuals who may be interested!! @hashtagbravo @demenior @redriotted @leviathancas @starrynightdeancas
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casgirl · 3 years ago
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If jack was a baby in canon dean would be struggling w his resentment too and we would have gotten a scene of like jack screaming in the middle of the night no matter what dean tries so he has to shut the nursery door bc he can’t take the screaming and then he’s Just Sitting there and the weight of all his daddy issues + cas Complexities hit him right then and he’s like. I don’t wanna do this. how am I gonna do this
it would LITERALLY be the baker from into the woods like..........
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deans-haunted-baby · 4 years ago
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Dadstiel Shoulder Touch Analysis
I want to take some time to discuss something about this incredible father/son dynamic that I don’t think gets enough recognition. And that is their connection. A connection layered in so many different attributes yet primarily based on physical touch. Apologies this is going to be long. Despite my saltiness towards Supernatural as I feel the show squandered them during its run, I really love the amount of attention to detail that was put into Castiel and Jack’s relationship. It kind of has a Terminator inspired vibe going on which I can’t deny enjoying. The bodyguard and the future savior of mankind. And this bond was in development all the way back in season 12; long before Jack was born. 
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During 12x19 it’s through his mother Kelly, that the son of Lucifer forges an emotional attachment with the trench-coated angel whom he imprints on to be his surrogate dad. From the moment Castiel puts his hand on her belly, and feels Jack, they instantly fall in love with each other. At first touch. Trusting each other completely without the slightest bit of doubt as they sense the other’s good aura. It’s a devotion unlike anything Cas has ever experienced in his millions of years. Even more than what he’s felt for Sam and Dean. And it happens before he and Jack even get to see each other. Their bond becomes intensely essential that it boosts Castiel’s grace, allowing him to protect Kelly and her son from Dagon as well as cause a rip in time and space.
After Jack is born and in the care of the Winchesters, scared, lost and confused yet curious as an infant in an adolescent body; the child wanders aimlessly searching for Castiel. All he wants in that moment is to be with Castiel because that is who he recognizes as his father. Missing him and needing to feel that same warmth, protection and compassion he felt from inside his mother’s womb. However, following the tragic circumstances that led to the angel’s unexpected death at the hands of Jack’s biological dad in 12x23, these two are forcibly separated in the beginning of season 13. Until Jack instinctively resurrects Castiel out of the Empty through his own will and desire alone at the very end of 13x03. Proving that no matter how far away they are, the tether between them can’t be broken.
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These two don’t even need an introduction from Sam and Dean when 13x06 finally reunites them for the first time. Jack immediately knows who Castiel is going off on his mother’s memories. And their reunion comes so naturally. There’s no awkwardness, no hesitation or apprehensiveness emanating from the angel’s presence. Jack just walks right up to Cas, puts his arms around him and tells him how much he missed him. Its as if they’d never been apart. And afterwards they spend nearly the entire episode practically inseparable. Getting to know each other as father and son. And that goes without saying, while Jack did bond with the Winchesters in person first, there is no comparison to the Nephilim boy’s emotional attachment towards the angel.
This special relationship is very significant to both of them. Around each other they’re at their most happiest. Castiel is constantly at Jack’s side; and ALMOST ALWAYS tenderly touching him, namely his shoulders or protectively holding him by the arm and the child wholly reciprocates this. In Castiel’s gentle physical touch Jack is given a sense of security, solace, reassurance and comfort. Same as he’d had as an unborn baby. Not only is this the angel’s way of demonstrating his affection, empathy and devotion towards his son but this is actually how he non-verbally tells Jack that he loves him. Its purely unconditional. And this gesture isn’t one-sided as I will acknowledge later. Jack desires Cas’s tangible nearness as much as his dad does which is why they’re so magnetically pulled together in all of their scenes on the show. 
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Even when they’re at conflict with each other or arguing, Castiel never fails to let Jack know that he’s always safe and loved. That he isn’t afraid of him. His son could be in pain, angry, or vengeful in the moment and Castiel’s affection for that child will never waver. He’ll endlessly put his own life at risk in order to reach Jack; who is far more powerful than he is via his archangel half. Like the convivence store scene in 13x23 when Jack attacks a civilian believing he’d killed his friend and Cas does his best to subdue him. Whether Jack wants it or not at the time, he needs his dad’s emotional support; and the angel can’t stand the thought of his son harmed or hurting. He’s easily saddened whenever Jack refuses his touch as shown in 13x21 when he was very upset over Sam’s temporary death and rips away Cas’s hand as he’s trying to console him.
Supernatural really emphasizes the powerful connection Castiel and Jack share using physical communication in nearly every one of their episodes. Its these wonderful details they do onscreen that illustrates the depth of love these characters have for each other. Unfortunately though, they didn’t get to interact much during season 13. Yet the small portions in their four episodes together is exceptionally substantial. While we’re on the subject, the shoulder touches are definitely a Dadstiel thing. It’s their signature sign of affection and theirs’s only. Don’t believe me, let me give you an example of a specific scene in 14x19 between Jack and Sam; which takes place in the aftermath of Jack’s accidental killing of the Winchesters’ mother Mary.
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Dean and Sam conspire to trick and lock away the soulless infant Nephilim in a mystical coffin as punishment with the intention of finding a solution that will end his life. Sam is the reluctant main player in this scheme of using his influence over the child in order to gain his trust and sway him into his fate. Just before Jack’s about to be led to the room and put into the box, scared and uncertain, Sam then puts his hand on his shoulder telling him they need to keep him safe while giving him an awkward grin. And look at Jack’s expression as this happens. It reads shattered. He immediately knows something’s wrong. Sam is touching him just like Castiel…except this is nothing like Castiel. His dad’s shoulder touches are always so tender and loving. 
Jack can literally feel Cas’s devotion for him in every tangibility. But here he doesn’t feel that from Sam at all. Its cold, fearful and empty just like he is on the inside. Rendering him even more nervous. Speaking of season 14 the father/son content we get between Castiel and Jack is even better that year as its all about their relationship growing and strengthening into something far deeper than it was in the previous seasons 12 and 13. It’s the year their bond is put through the ultimate test. Where Jack is made human after Lucifer steals his grace and Cas dominantly steps into his role as a father.  
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Providing Jack with a certain guidance, boundaries, and stability in episodes 14x01, 14x02, 14x03, 14x09 and 14x10 unlike what he’d received from Sam and Dean. Castiel takes on all the difficult tasks of parenting ranging from scolding to teaching his son about death, responsibility, self-restraint, patience and the tribulations of growing up. He doesn’t raise his voice ever when he speaks to Jack. And is completely there 100% for his son from the beginning…and the end of his life. Although Castiel is an angel he is very much a pivotal link to Jack’s humanity and vice versa as well as a link to his celestial side. While he greatly admires and looks up to the Winchesters, its through Cas’s influence that the infant Nephilim aspires to be a good person. 
Jack never wants to become the monster his biological father was; desperate to break out of that mold once in for all. And he isn’t alone. Castiel is right there with Jack every step of the way. Ready to challenge and encourage his son whenever he does something decent or makes a mistake. He doesn’t hesitate to tell his son when he’s proud of him. And sometimes he’s there to coddle Jack during times of crisis as displayed in the 14x09 showdown with AU!Michael where the angel takes a second to heal Jack’s minor facial wounds. I just love that tiny focal point of Cas in the background, as the Winchesters are talking, putting his hand on Jack’s shoulder before using his powers on him. As if to keep him calm; like a parent reassuring their nervous kid that it won’t hurt.
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Throughout the first part of season 14 we’re blessed with so much affectionate Dadstiel moments like the after-the-battle angst talk in 14x01 where Castiel reminds a very frustrated Jack “you’ve got me” as he declares he has nothing. Or 14x08 after Jack’s death and they’re bittersweetly reunited in Heaven with Kelly; all smiles, touching shoulders and hugging each other as if they can’t bear to be separated. Followed with that heartfelt moment of Castiel tenderly touching his son’s cheeks, sadly looking at him with so much adoration, as he sends his soul back to his body. Then there was their unforgettable father/son pep talk in regards to the vulnerability of Jack’s soul; Castiel just gives his son’s shoulder a gentle squeeze as he leaves the room. Again, this is how these two say “I love you”.
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And I couldn’t very go in depth of this analysis without mentioning 14x20′s Jack death scene 2.0; Castiel helplessly touches his son, who’s screaming on the ground in agony, trying desperately to ease his suffering. Yah this was particularly very hard for me to watch witnessing Castiel going out of his mind, completely unable to save Jack from enduring such a painful end to his life. Once was already cruel enough on me. And of course 15x01 continued that vicious trend of Castiel harrowingly protecting his son’s corpse, carrying him over the shoulder in a fireman’s hold as he runs through the cemetery, then gently lays him down on the floor in a mausoleum. I get emotional watching Cas cradling Jack’s head as he positions him comfortably; letting his touch linger unable to let go. He doesn’t even care what happens to him in this moment as long as his son’s body is safe. Very strong symbolism of a parent who will never abandon their child long after they’re gone. 
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On a side note I want to quickly call attention to how much I revere the Dadstiel healing parallels in 14x09 and 14x14 plus BONUS: Jack almost-killing Castiel in 15x13 so he can talk to Ruby in the Empty. These just add some nice little textures in their dynamic which compliments their ongoing tradition of showing devotion through physical communication. And both the healing scenes and the temporary death scene are composited very similarly. Focused on Castiel and Jack’s hands in the process of relieving the other’s pain/life. 
Touch is exhibited as being a very crucial element for both of these characters when it comes to their iron-clad relationship. That palpable part of Castiel and Jack’s connection keeps them closely-knit. Its their familial instinct and how they express their feelings for each other. If they aren’t kneading shoulders, the angel duo is often standing beside each other or firmly linked at the arms. And this usually happens during moments of extreme stress, joy, sorrow, pain or fear. Jack relies so much on Castiel’s parental presence. He respects his authority, disobeying only when his actions feel necessary, and will go to the angel whenever he wants to talk or vent. Jack is also comfortable with Castiel enough to confide his darkest secrets no matter how awful they are. That’s the foundation of the everlasting trust built between them. They’re just tethered to one another in such a way that nothing will divide them. 
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I’ll begin with the hospital scene from 14x07 where Castiel is being the rock to his ailing son who can barely stand on his feet. There’s so much anxiety radiating off him in this moment as he struggles with watching Jack suffer; holding him so close. Staring at his face you can tell this horrible situation is ripping him apart. Actually, the entire episode is basically just Castiel silently enduring the pain of Jack dying.
The second set of screencaps underneath are of 14x10; Jack is agitated by AU!Michael’s antagonistic claims that his family’s love for him isn’t unconditional. Reading into one of his greatest fears. But then Castiel instantly calls out to his son, grabs the crook of his arm; gently reassuring him none of this is true. And Jack doesn’t resist this as he knows his dad is sincere. He never has to question Cas’s feelings towards him as his physical touch alone is self-explanatory. But when it comes to the Winchesters, that’s a whole other conversation.    
Next, we have one of my favorite emotionally-charged Dadstiel moments in 14x14; where in a fit of panic because the anti venom wasn’t working Jack, going against Castiel’s warnings not to risk burning off his soul, is compelled to use his powers to save his dad. And I love this because this time its Jack who’s the one initiating all the physical contact. Just as the recovered angel demands what he’s done, his son responds with a soft “you’re okay” and the “I love you dad” shoulder touch as well as firmly gripping his arm.  
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Finally stepping away from season 14 I’m going to briefly go over the caps from season 15. Let’s begin with 15x11 the Dadstiel reunion scene at the church which is so beautifully poignant. Castiel is so overjoyed to see Jack alive that he takes a second to look over his equally stunned son, touching his shoulders before they embrace. This is by far one of Cas and Jack’s top father/son moments on the show and it’s done so effectively. If you want a more in-depth description for what I love about this scene, you can read my post about it here.
After that is the 15x13 Dadstiel moment where Castiel, suspicious of Jo’s story about the Occultum, had asked Jack to temporarily kill him in order to go see Ruby in the Empty. Two things I really like about this; 1. even though Jack still doesn’t have a soul, is very concerned about and protective over Castiel because of that deal. And 2. again Jack is initiating all the touching in this scene; look at the way he grasps his dad’s arm as he returns him to life. It’s almost as if he’s hoping the touch of his hand will not only speed up the process but also reach his dad so his essence isn’t lost forever.   
And then we have 15x17. We didn’t get much Dadstiel interaction in this episode but the amount of times Castiel protectively holds onto his agonized child, who’d been turned into a cosmic bomb about to go off any minute, having no regard for the danger he’s in is so visually gut-wrenching. There’s a specific moment in the scene where, as Sam and Dean are arguing, Castiel is sitting on the floor just clutching Jack tight. Trying to non-verbally soothe him.
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And this is followed up in the first half of 15x18, aka THEIR VERY LAST EPISODE TOGETHER ever on Supernatural. Here is where everything about their connection comes full circle with Castiel refusing to abandon Jack no matter the situation. Demonstrating the extent of his devotion by willing to die for his child just as he’d sacrificed his happiness to save Jack from the Empty. Because that is his son and nothing not even death itself can ever destroy what they have. Much as the young Nephilim boy begs for his dad to stay away, yells that he doesn’t want to hurt him; Castiel kneeling to Jack’s eye-level doesn’t leave his side. Then when Jack disappears to the Empty and reappears back at the bunker reformed, Castiel’s hand remains firmly glued to his son’s shoulder. He doesn’t want Jack to feel afraid or traumatized any further.
This was such an intense part of the episode I mean just look at how stressed out these two were. The anguish in their expressions. Simply put, Cas and Jack cannot bare to live without the other. They’re each other’s home; two sides of the same soul. Castiel loves all of Jack; the good, the bad and the ugly. This is an EPIC father and son’s love that knows no bounds. So powerful and pure that it transcended the loss of Jack’s soul, Lucifer’s DNA, the Empty, Mary Winchester’s death and everything else in between. Oh, and guess what, their “I love you” Dadstiel shoulder touches aren’t limited to just their hands. Its in every single one of their hugs too.  
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Notice how their chins or faces just comfortably rest on top of each other’s shoulders. And except for 14x20 their eyes are shut, as if to savor every single second of that closeness. Jack just buries himself against Castiel like he’s never felt safer with anyone else in the whole universe. And both of them hold each other; giving and receiving the other’s love with their whole self. Like I can’t even begin to describe how much Castiel and Jack’s softness towards each other just melts my heart. Their relationship, despite the horror tongue-in-cheek atmosphere of SPN, is surprisingly sweet, healthy and endearing. They are the epitome of true unconditional love and a great contrast to the Winchester brothers. In my humble opinion Castiel and Jack’s father/son dynamic is the best thing to happen to this show in a long while.
For the closing segment of this analysis I want to do something special before I discuss the paralleled-angst driven Dadstiel shoulder touches in 15x15 and 15x18. First off, I can’t shout enough praise from the rooftops about the insanely remarkable chemistry between Alexander Calvert and Misha Collins. Just brilliant casting. They embody these characters heart and soul and make this relationship feel so real, genuine and grounded. The fact that they look so similar in appearance really sells the idea that these two could actually be father and son. Forget the scripts, the quiet subtly these two bring to Castiel and Jack is the true magic of their relationship.
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Let me start with the Dadstiel centric 15x15 aka THE BEST EPISODE of Supernatural season 15. This amazing masterpiece of art is everything I could’ve asked for and more; giving me so much precious father/son content that I will cherish forever. I really enjoyed seeing Castiel and Jack in those matching ties, bonding with each other over a case while they save the day. It’s a shame this show never let these two have more solo adventures together because they’re truly a joy to watch onscreen. Fingers crossed for that spinoff.
But I digress, the car scene in question happens at the very end of the episode in which Jack reveals the alarming truth that he has to die in order to stop Chuck and Amara. And Castiel, visibly and outspokenly distraught by this news, has to be assuaged with that infamous shoulder touch by his son; who’s in just as much pain. This is without a doubt one of most emotional scenes between these two characters out of the last three seasons of the show and quite possibly one of Misha and Alex’s strongest acting moments after the Dadstiel church reunion in 15x11. They killed it with the feels here. I like the attention to detail, the shadows and the colors in the shot, the melancholic score as well as how it seamlessly switches from Jack’s perspective to Castiel’s. Seriously watching this scene always makes me cry its so devastating.
 Lastly, we have the Dadstiel car scene in 15x18; and Castiel and Jack’s LAST ONE-ON-ONE together. I’m kind of disappointed by this if I’m being honest. Its not that its bad its just not that definitively great for a final scene between these characters. Especially after four seasons of development. Where are the stakes? Why don’t Jack and Castiel seem as concerned about their situation? Cute as that smile was it doesn’t fit the tone. And where’s that punch in the gut knowing something is going to separate these two any second? It’s too light and doesn’t come off like a goodbye or a cathartic bookend which is what I wanted to take away from the episode considering its title “Despair”.
I mean if they were going to follow up on that heartbreaking car scene at the end of “Gimme Shelter”, the 15x18 scene wasn’t the way to do it. So, the weight of this final interaction feels almost non-existent. Maybe if it had taken place at night and the dialogue solely focused on them not the Winchesters it would’ve faired better. But since this isn’t a rant post I’ll cut to the chase by saying that the only saving grace this moment has happens in the last part. Jack’s in tears telling his dad how scared he is that he can’t use his powers to protect anyone. Coming off very childlike and vulnerable; needing that parental protection that Castiel was always known for. And sure enough, he gives Jack that final “I love you” shoulder touch which I swear had me choked a little. 
Rethinking about it now that the show is over actually makes their final moment together really sad as incomplete as it is. I not only look back on how much these characters were drastically underutilized but how much the Dadstiel storyline could’ve been executed better with all the development that it was given. Well there you have it my full Dadstiel shoulder-touch analysis. Hope you’ve enjoyed!
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mittensmorgul · 4 years ago
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Today on the TNT loop... 12.23 and 13.01 (so far, it’s early and we’re going through 13.04 today). So I’m deep in the Grief Arc feels.
But again, it all hits different now. Yes, I’ve rewatched these since 15.20 aired, this is my second pass through the loop since then. But with a bit of emotional distance from that mess, there’s interesting stuff here.
Looking at the finale, at what Jack would become, at how that ties in with themes of Faith versus Free Will... it’s like this was the point where Chuck finally weaponized free will against them, where their choices would play into his story rather than fight against it. No wonder Dean was so angry after this point.
No wonder Chuck abandoned them, refused to answer Dean’s prayer to bring Cas back. Cas wasn’t SUPPOSED to come back. Chuck finally got him out of the way, and it was literally Dean’s grief unwittingly channeled through Jack’s power that woke him up again and gave him the tools to fight his way back. The fact Cas never KNEW this is still one of those things that I will scream forever about.
(In every way that actually mattered, Dean was silenced)
But in today’s viewing, I’m mostly screaming about the “drunk angel” Miriam and her vendetta against Becky.
DRUNK WOMAN: Whoa. What happened to you hand?
DEAN: Nothin’.
DRUNK WOMAN: Doesn’t look like nothing. You punch a wall or something? I punched a wall once. Well, a poster on a wall, but same diff, right? Freshman year, I had this roommate, Becky. She had this giant poster of Elsa. You know, from “Frozen”? And I mean, first, who brings something like that to college? A cartoon? Really? Like, “hello homeschool,” right?
[As she is talking, Drunk Woman is writing something in the dust of the Impala’s passenger side window, and Dean removes a bottle of whisky from the trunk. He takes a swallow and then pours some over his bloody knuckles]
DEAN: You done?
DRUNK WOMAN: Anyway, Becky was - and I say this in the most feminist, screw the patriarchy way - a giant superbitch. She’d take things, and break things, and piss people off, and just do whatever she wanted, no matter who it hurt.
[Dean is making please stop talking faces at her but she is oblivious]
DRUNK WOMAN: It’s like the whole world was just Becky to her, you know?
DEAN: Mmm. So you punched her poster.
DRUNK WOMAN: And lit most of her stuff on fire.
[Dean gives her a look]
DRUNK WOMAN: I got issues.
[...]
[As the Impala pulls away, you can see Drunk Woman has written “BITCH” in the dust on the window.]
*
So, we have this invented story about a woman named Becky. But after s15, we KNOW how much control Chuck has over the story, and especially of certain characters-- like demons and angels. This is why he was so infuriated that he couldn’t just control Castiel. We saw him DIRECTLY insert Lilith back into the story in 15.05, limiting her power to ONLY follow his “script.” To the point she was entirely self-aware of this and her place in the story, and the fact that she was essentially just a character in the story without free will.
And I kinda wonder how much Miriam functions in the exact same way-- the way Chuck has implied that ALL angels are expected to function.
MIRIAM: Okay. If she shoots you. (Sheriff Barker looks to Dean in confusion) I don't know what he's told you. I mean, I can guess. Some line about how he and his brother... (deepens voice) save the world. Grr. So macho. (she sighs and speaks in her normal voice) But really, he's not a hero. He's Becky. DEAN: Becky? The roommate Becky? MIRIAM: You take things and break things and piss people off, and just do whatever you want, no matter who it hurts. Also, you're a giant super bitch. DEAN: Well, it takes one to know one. MIRIAM: So, yeah, you're Becky, and Becky needs to die. You're on, Barney Fife.
*
Yes... she says Dean is “Becky,” this Becky that breaks things and who saw the whole world as Becky... Though... her understanding of how free will works in this context really does sound twisted and tainted by Chuck’s perspective on his own “disobedient” characters. Because to Chuck, the story is the most important thing, it’s the only thing, and it’s entirely his own creation.
No wonder creating human souls made him feel a little queasy... and I’m still not sure that was something he actually did on purpose, especially with the free will bit included in the package. Because from the moment free will existed, Chuck began to lose control of the story of creation. People could choose to tell their OWN stories, better stories than the one Chuck created the universe to tell in the first place. Humanity makes things better, bigger than Chuck could imagine, through the power of love that Chuck could never invent for himself or understand for himself. Or even possibly FEEL for himself.
And who was his original human pawn in the story, way back in 5.01? Becky. Becky who took HIS story and “broke” it and pissed him off, doing whatever she wanted no matter who it hurt (even if it was only Him as the Original Author getting precious about his story). But as we saw in 15.04, Becky refused to just take his story as he dished it out. She went out and made her own life, reimagined the Story of Supernatural as something better than it was-- filed with life and humanity and love. She stopped idolizing HIM as the creator and saw it as HER story now too, the version she was passionate about, the version that brought HER joy.
And what did Chuck do to her? Like Miriam, he “punched her cartoon poster” and then burned most of her stuff. Because Becky had the audacity to take the story she’d been written into and make it her own. She refused to “obey” the story Chuck wanted to tell. And he saw her story as infantile and uninteresting. Because he couldn’t just let it go... like Elsa... lol.
And what Chuck can’t control, he tends to destroy, like Miriam did in this episode. Only... Miriam failed too. Sure, it was only one battle in the long war of Free Will versus The Story, but it was the opening note in this section of the story which was supposed to be about Humanity and Free Will finally triumphing over the story to free themselves from it.
The story itself was telling humanity to hold on, to keep telling OUR version of the story, because that was how to defeat the story itself. Human love and choice and will as something BETTER than the story Chuck wanted to tell. Not just handing it off to someone who has been built into the perfect vessel to carry on his story, but literally allowing humanity to be free from the narrative Chuck spent all of creation trying to build for them. And that freedom was literally built upon the very human love embodied in Dean Winchester (and learned by Castiel to the point it changed him and freed him from Chuck’s control). Cas deserved to come back. Jack deserved to be freed from his destiny. Billie deserved better than being manipulated and villainized by Chuck’s final chapter. Eileen deserved the freedom to choose her own happiness. Sam deserved a chance to do the same. Dean deserved to live, and to have a chance to tell Cas he feels exactly the same way about him. And that’s the tip of the iceberg of what everyone deserved.
(they deserved to not be “burned” for their audacity to want something more than what Chuck thought they deserved)
They deserved to hang up their Frozen posters without some self-righteous bitch judging them for it, and to live their lives how THEY wanted to, rather than how Chuck thought they should for his own egotistical self-justification.
Chuck said way back in s11 that he wanted to create the universe to make something better than just him and Amara, and everything after that point reads like he was pissed off at the fact that humanity went out and actually DID grow to be better than him, in every way possible. Sure, we fuck up, we make mistakes, and some of us are actively malicious and terrible people. But... overall? We try. We keep trying to be better, to love more, to choose the right thing... to do our best in a world where it’s far too easy to do our worst, to take a few words from Cas.
And it just hurts my heart to know what we COULD have had if Chuck didn’t actually win.
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sillysunshinesstuff · 4 years ago
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I think what really gets me the most is that Dean never got to say no. He never got to rebel. Sam did, Cas did, Jack did, but never Dean. Oh sure, he fought monsters, heaven, hell, and even The Literal God, but he never said no to the one who mattered most.
John Winchester. The ultimate big bad. Now do I think he's an evil villain? No. I think he loved his sons into something ugly, something painful. I think he was just another rotation in the vicious cycle of violence the Winchesters have been chosen to endure. Their love is not something beautiful. It destroys everything it touches. It's poison. Dean understood this perfectly.
That's why it was narratively vital for his character to defeat this. Defeat his father and break the circle of violence. Realize that all the monsters, all of heaven and earth, weren't keeping him from his happiness. He was keeping himself from his own happiness.
No I don't think there should have been a final guns blazing battle. I don't think there should have been screamed words of anguish at a broken man who's been dead for so long. I don't think Dean's ending should have been telling John no. I think his ending should have been showing it.
He should have loved and let himself be loved. He should have found a home in Cas' arms, not an empty machine of a car. He should have looked at Sam and realized he raised a great kid but it was time to let him go. He should have looked at Jack and saw himself reflected back. A scared kid needing love and care. Something Dean could easily give, because after all, he was made up of it. Dean should have carried one last kid out of the fire, hand in hand with an angel who saved him from the fires of hell. He should have showed Jack that love isn't something ugly, that life could be beautiful, officially shattering the Winchester cycle of abuse and violence. Dean had too much heart and it's what should have saved him in the end.
There should have been an ending where the gun is put down and a spatula picked up, with a summer breeze that smells of apple pie and distant memories of a resting past. Dean Winchester deserved to rebel and his rebellion should have looked like love. Gentle love for gentle hands for a gentle heart.
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lunmelia · 4 years ago
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I praythee... more dadstiel raising Jack... please?
I was gonna hold off on this for a bit, but I’m feeling a bit sick and unmotivated to do anything else, so here you go. I’m putting the rest of the post under a line because I maybe got a bit carried away. maybe wrote just a little tiny story. just a small one. Maybe 2.
----
Okay, so maybe Dean did not like baby Jack at first. He had his reasons, okay? Weak reasons, but reasons. Firstly, a baby shapeshifter is very different to the baby of the literal devil. Secondly, that baby is the reason his mom and best friend almost died. Weak reasons, but reasons. But his dislike for the baby only lasted three days. Three days of the other three frowning at him and repeating, “he’s just a baby, Dean.” Three days of Castiel somehow succeeding in keeping the baby calm. Three days of Dean avoiding the room Cas and Jack were situated in. But on the night of the third day, Jack had decided he would not be persuaded to go to sleep. No matter what Castiel did. Dean and Mary had been holed away in Sam’s room, far enough that their ears weren’t damaged from the cries, close enough to act quickly if anything were to go wrong. Three hours into the crying, Dean decided he’d had enough. “Alright,” he snapped, pushing himself off the wall he was leaning against. “I’m putting an end to this.” He marched towards the door. “Dean,” warned Mary, rising from her seat. Dean paused to turn back to them, throwing his arms out in exasperation. “I’m not gonna kill the damn thing, jeez,” he said before continuing his steps.  A few minutes later, the door opened to the room where Cas was hurriedly shushing and bouncing baby Jack, and Dean strode in with a guitar in hand.  Cas threw panicked eyes to him. He was worried about the nephil’s cries affecting the human’s ears. “Dean-”  “I’ve heard worse, Cas. Had you screaming at me after I crawled outta hell, didn’t I?” He threw the angel a grin before closing the door. “I can deal. Put him on the bed, will you?” He gestured to where four pillows were assembled in a rectangle border. Where Jack had been sleeping, since there was no crib to be found in the bunker. Cas hesitantly did as he was told, settling Jack down as he writhed and screamed, his small face scrunched up, red and wet with snot and tears.  “You’re terrible at this, by the way,” Dean commented after wincing at a particular loud scream. “You were basically shaking the kid when I came in. And you need to change into some softer clothes, man. Your suit’s too rough, and that’s all he’s been feeling since he was born, apart from that blanket we’ve got him in. No wonder he’s upset.” He settled on the edge of the bed, propping one knee up on the sheets and resting his guitar atop it.  “Oh,” Cas said, “of course. I hadn’t realised.” “Hm.” Dean gave him an obvious look. “Now shush for a minute.” He looked down at his guitar, adjusting his fingers on the appropriate cords before beginning to strum a soft tune. Jack’s cry abruptly cut off as his ears caught on the new sound. Yet he quickly ignored it in favour of continuing his screeches. Dean plucked the strings for a few more seconds before taking a breath, and singing in a low baritone,  “There is a young cowboy, he lives on the range.” Cas gave a short gasp as if he had just realised what Dean was doing. Dean spared him a glance before focusing back on the guitar. “His horse and his cattle are his only companions He works in the saddle and he sleeps in the canyons Waiting for summer, his pastures to change.” Dean was now looking at Jack, who was looking back and releasing confused whines. Dean looked up to the angel and whispered, “sit down, Cas.”  Castiel slowly lowered himself to the bed as Dean moved onto the next part of the verse. “And as the moon rises, he sits by his fire Thinkin’ about women and glasses of beer Reclosing his eyes as the doggies retire He sings out a song which is soft, but it’s clear As if maybe someone could hear.” By this point, Jack was still whimpering with tears gathering in his eyes, but his full focus was on Dean with a curious tilt of his head. Dean watched the baby, the irritation in eyes now lessened. Instead, he now regarded the nephil with a soft, considering look. Cas, same as Jack, gave his full attention to Dean, a twitch in his lips. “Goodnight, you moonlight ladies Rockabye, sweet baby, James Deep greens and blues are the colours I choose Won’t you let me go down in my dreams? And rockabye, sweet baby, James.” Jack was now soothed to soft coos, the red in his face having completely receded. Dean, unconsciously, was leaning towards the baby. A soft smile fought to pull at his lips. “Now, the first of December was covered with snow, So was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston Though the Berkshires seemed dream-like on account of that frostin’ With ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to go.”  Jack’s eyes were fluttering. It seemed that he was fighting sleep, however, as he kept blinking to gaze at Dean. A sudden yawn escaped him. Cas’ face bloomed with a wide smile while Dean let himself grin softly.  “There’s a song that they sing when they take to the highway A song that they sing when they take to the sea A Song that they sing of their home in the sky Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep But singing works just fine for me.” Cas huffed a laugh at Dean, who threw him a grin before turning his gaze back to the now asleep Jack. Dean pitched his voice quieter, almost a whisper so not to disturb the sleeping infant.  “So goodnight, you moonlight ladies Rockabye, sweet baby, James Deep greens and blues are the colours I choose Won’t you let me go down in my dreams? And rockabye, sweet baby, James.” Dean let the last chord fade away, and the room was cast into silence. He gently laid his hand atop his guitar, afraid to make any noises that might awaken Jack. He gazed at the baby nephil with a soft smile. 
“He’s kinda cute when he’s not trying to blow out our eardrums,” he admitted quietly. Cas smiled and hummed.  After a moment, Cas whispered, “that was beautiful, Dean.” Dean snapped his gaze to the angel, alarmed and caught off-guard by the compliment. “I- oh. oh, y-yeah, sure, okay. um...” he trailed off, looking away back to the infant. Cas tilted his head, amused. Dean stared at Jack for a moment, a furrow working its way to his brow. “... We’re really going to raise Lucifer’s baby, aren’t we?” he asked.  Cas frowned at the mention of the archangel, but nodded. “It would seem that way, yes,” he said. He waited for Dean’s response, for him to argue the fact one last time.  But Dean sighed, his irises bouncing back and forth for a moment before he said, “okay. We’re going to need to buy supplies, then. This place is lacking. Not surprised by that, though. Not exactly the kind of place you’d expect the Men of Letters to be raising their kids.” Cas hummed his agreement. There was another moment of silence before Dean rose from the bed. “Right, I guess I’ll go discuss that with mom and Sam. You... keep watch over him.” He gestured to Jack, still sleeping.  “I will.” Cas nodded.  Dean nodded back. “Right.” He stepped up to the door.  “Goodnight, Dean,” Cas softly called.  Dean looked back to him, nodding again. “Night.” He slowly, quietly opened the door and stepped out into the hall, where Sam and Mary stood waiting. He raised a brow at them as he clicked the door close.  “He stopped crying,” Sam said, stating the obvious. “He’s sleeping?” Dean nodded.  Mary looked from the guitar to her son. “You sang to him?” she questioned.  Dean paused a moment, then nodded with a shrug as if nothing were out of the ordinary. “Yeah. We need to make a list of baby supplies,” he said, quickly changing the subject. “And baby-proofing stuff. That should definitely be a priority. This is not a safe place to raise a baby without baby-proofing.” He waved a hand, scoffed while glancing around the hall as if observing the entire bunker, then turned and walked away.  Sam and Mary looked at each other, both equally confused at Dean’s sudden change of attitude towards Jack. Sam then shrugged, grinned and chased after Dean, calling in a whisper, “what song did you sing?” “I ain’t telling you. Why’d you wanna know?” Dean gave his brother a look of disgust. 
“Oh, come on. Was it Blackbird? It was Blackbird, wasn’t it? That’s so obvious.”
“No, Sam, it wasn’t Blackbird.”
Mary huffed a laugh, shaking her head before following after her sons.
(The song Dean plays and sings is “Sweet Baby James” by James Taylor, in case you wanted to take a listen)
--
Although, yes, Cas can put Jack to sleep with his grace, he refuses to. He’s afraid that would intefere with Jack’s natural growth, and that Jack will begin to depend on his grace and will never be able to put himself to sleep. So Cas doesn’t. Besides, Dean singing to him seems to work just fine.  -- They were all afraid that they were going to have to feed Jack some weird, special combination since he’s a nephil. Like, milk and holy water, or something. But nope, normal formula works just fine. He’s actually a pretty normal baby. Just, plus deafening screaming, wings and healing.  -- I’m honestly not sure how to approach Chuck with this AU. I don’t want him to be evil because I want this to be a soft, happy AU but he is an evil bastard, so. If anyone wants to handle the angst side of this AU that involves Chuck go ahead but I ain’t touching it. I will say this though; I can see Amara convincing Chuck not to kill a baby. Amara: it’s a baby, God Chuck: yes, but it’s a very dangerous baby Amara: ... it’s a baby. Chuck: ... a very dangerous baby. Amara: there is... no such thing as a dangerous baby. there is literally... nothing dangerous about a baby. nephil or no Chuck: but- Amara: do not kill a baby, God. Chuck: ... fine. -- The four of them were so busy getting Jack settled in the bunker that they just completely forgot to tell the other hunters that, y’know, they have a baby now. So it was a bit of shock to Jody, when she called to check in on them after not hearing from them for weeks.  Jody, on the phone with Sam: yeah, we haven’t heard from you guys for weeks! what’s going on, everything okay? Sam, on the other line: uh, yeah, no everything’s fine, we’ve just been *glances over to where Mary and Cas are bathing Jack in the sink* busy. Jody: busy? you guys need help with anything? Sam: no, no we’re fine- Jack: *coos and smiles* Cas: *gasps* was that his first smile? Mary: it was! he smiled!  Dean, jumping up from where he was sitting: he’s smiling!?  Sam, hurrying over: wait, I wanna see!  Jody: ... Sam. Sam: oh- uh, heh, yes, Jody? Jody: do you have a baby? Sam: we... might.  Jody: why do you have a baby, Sam? Sam: uh, well, see it’s a long story- Dean: *laughs* look at him go! look at that little smile! Jody: oh my god I’m coming over- *hangs up* Mary: was that Jody? Sam: yep Dean: ... we completely forgot to tell the others about the baby, didn’t we? Sam: yep.  -- Dean, with Jack in his arms: Claire, you wanna hold him? Claire: uh, no thanks Dean: no, I think you wanna hold him *steps up to her* Claire, panicking: no, I really don’t- oh my god no don’t- *squeaks as Dean passes Jack to her* Dean, directing her: put your arms like that, hold his head like this- there you go! look at that, you’re holding him Claire: I hate you so much right now. *looks down at Jack with wide eyes* Jack: *stares up at her* Claire: he’s so tiny. so fragile... am I holding him right? I don’t wanna hurt him- Sam: you’re doing great, Claire. Don’t worry about it Claire: okay... can I... can I keep holding him? or- Cas: of course you can, Claire Claire: okay, thanks... *goes back to staring at Jack*  Jack: ... *pulls at Claire’s hair* Claire: ow ow ow ow okay no I changed my mind take him please now- -- Jack’s first word, or at least first coherent sound, was surprise surprise a simple drawn out “daaa”. After weeks of Dean, Sam and Mary and everyone else referring to Cas as “dada” “dad” and “daddy” to try and get Jack to say it, the moment finally happened. It came out of nowhere, in a moment where they weren’t even trying to get him to say it. Dean: *sitting on the floor, watching Jack crawl around and fiddle with his toys* Jack: *loses interest in the block he was holding, looks at Dean, giggles then disappears* Dean, scrambling to stand: shit- Cas! Jack’s flying again!  Cas, appearing before him three seconds later and holding Jack at an arm’s length: Jack, we’ve discussed this many times. You’re not to fly when I’m not in the room. Do you understand? Jack, cooing and reaching a hand towards Cas’ face: daaa Dean and Cas: ... Dean: did he just- Jack, more enthusiastically: da! Dean: he did! holy shit, Cas, he said it! he basically called you dad! he- Cas? Cas, tearing up: I believe... I am going to cry.  -- After that, Jack developed a bad habit of flying whenever he wanted to see or be held by Cas. Honestly, it got annoying at times, especially when Cas was busy with other matters. But what else were they supposed to do, let him fly around until he gave up? They did eventually solve the problem after Gabriel came back and they got some of the other angels on their side. When Cas wasn’t available, one of the other angels fetched Jack. Though, the first time Jack was caught by Gabriel and not Cas, he was extremely upset. He blew out all the lights in the bunker and shattered glass and porcelain with his cries. 
He could not be consoled for hours, not even when Cas was holding him. He latched onto Cas and cried until he was sure Cas wasn’t gone or going anywhere. He could not be separated from Cas that night, screaming whenever someone tried to take him from him. They concluded that he probably had separation anxiety since he had never really been separated from Cas before. Cas was there during the pregnancny, there when he was born, was his primary caretaker since Jack’s crying didn’t affect him like it did the humans, and he always catches him whenever he flies away. Cas was worried that Jack was going to depend too much on his grace, yet in the end Jack ended up depending too much on him.
Trying to ease Jack’s separation anxiety was a process, and a difficult one. Especially with him being a nephil. 
He seemed okay with being without Cas for an hour and a bit, so they started by increasing the amount of time that Cas is gone. Which failed because whenever Jack noticed it had been a while since he’d seen his dad, he flew away. And since they wanted to avoid another huge tantrum so soon, they let Cas fetch him. 
Ultimately, the only solution was getting other angels to catch him, and braving through the tantrums. Increasing the time in which Cas had to wait before going to Jack. It was... very, very difficult. 
Because it turned out that Jack wasn’t the only one with separation anxiety. 
They discover this fact the first time they attempt to separate them. Cas broke three minutes in, and flew to Jack with a muttered, “I’m sorry” to Dean. A collective sigh fell over the room as they looked to Cas, guiltily holding a wailing Jack. 
“Alright, then,” Dean said, scratching at the back of his head, “guess that’s just something else we gotta work on.” Cas looked to them with wide, apologetic eyes as he held Jack closer. 
From then on the “sessions”, as they started calling them, weren’t just trying to calm Jack down in Cas’ absence, but also trying to get Cas to stay put. To not cave in and go running to comfort Jack. Which was hard, seeing as Cas was an angel and didn’t really have to listen to a bunch of humans telling him “stay.” It took a lot of convincing. Convincing from Dean, mostly. Because Cas listened to Dean. For some weird reason, Dean thought. 
The third session was the most difficult one they had at that point. It was three hours into Cas being away from Jack after another angel caught him, and they were aiming for four. Dean had left Cas with Sam for a minute to get himself some water, taking Cas’ impulse control with him. When he came back, Sam was very nearly begging Cas not to leave. 
“Sam,” said Dean. “Go check on how the others are doing, will you?” Even though they could clearly tell, based on Jack’s screams echoing down the hall. 
Sam hesitated. “You- you sure-” he stopped at the flat look Dean gave him. “Right, yeah, sure thing.” Sam glanced at Cas before hurrying out of the room. 
When the door clicked shut, Cas stepped up to Dean. “Dean, I have to-”
“Sit down, Cas,” he told him, placing his glass on top of the drawers. 
Cas paused, then tensed his shoulders as a glare settled over his features. “No. Will you just let me-”
“Cas!” Dean snapped, standing straight and regarding him with a hard glare. “Sit. Down.” 
A tense silence passed between them as they glared at each other. Then, with a huff Castiel looked away and sat down on the bed. Dean dragged the desk chair to the bed and sat down, resting his elbows on his knees. 
“Now I know this is really hard for you right now, but you have to push through and stay. put. This is a good thing for Jack-”
“How!?” Cas threw his hands up, restless. “How is this a good thing for him? He’s crying, he’s inconsolable, he’s in distress. How is something that is having such a negative effect on him a good thing?” He glared at Dean as if he were challenging him to answer. 
“It may be affecting him badly now, but I promise you that this will not last forever. I know it’s hurting, but there ain’t another way for us to deal with his separation anxiety. We gotta get through the shitty stuff to get to the good results, Cas,” he reasoned, imploring Cas with his eyes to understand that this just needs to happen. 
Cas opened his mouth to reply when a particularly loud screech ripped through the air. It caused the lights in the room to flicker. Cas looked in alarm towards the door, a weak sound escaping him. He threw worried, scared, eyes towards Dean and pleaded, “my son needs me, Dean.” 
Dean sighed. Right. It seemed the only way to get Cas to stay put was to ground him through physical touch. He scooted the chair forward, reached out and tightly grasped Cas’ hands in his own. Cas’ gaze snapped down and back up, surprised. Dean ignored the look. 
“What happens if we decide to enrol him in school, huh?” he asked the angel.
Cas’ brow furrowed, momentarily confused. “What?” 
“What happens if we decide to enrol him in school?” he repeated. “Say I let you go right now, say we give up and just let you stay by Jack all the time, come whenever he calls. Okay, then what? He grows up, only knows a world where you’re always by his side. Then one day, you tell him that he has to go somewhere without you for 6 hours, everyday of every week. He reacts, only this time he knows words. He says ‘please’ and ‘no’ and ‘don’t do this, don’t leave me dad I don’t wanna go’. What then?” 
Castiel winced, his heart tightening as the image of a 6-year-old Jack begging him not to leave came to mind. “I...” he trailed off, not sure what to say. 
Dean nodded. “It would hurt a helluva lot more, wouldn’t it? Be a lot more difficult to leave once he has words to express how much he doesn’t want you to. And let’s say you don’t. Let’s say you cave in, because he’s your son and you love him and you don’t wanna see him cry. So you homeschool him, continue to stay by his side. You know what’s gonna happen? He’s not gonna be able to do anything without you, Cas. He’s not gonna know how,” he said, words clear and expression honest as he tried to get through to the angel. 
Cas lowered his gaze, narrowing his eyes as he considered Dean’s words. 
Dean suddenly laughed, bitterly saying, “I should know.”
Cas looked back up at him, tilting his head with a silent question. 
Dean sighed, his shoulders dropping. “I spent most of my life with Sammy by my side every single damn day.” Castiel’s eyes cleared with understanding, but he let the other continue. “A life with Sam in it was all I knew. When he left for college... I was a mess. A big ol’ rage-filled mess. I hated Sam for leaving me, and that’s what I thought he was doing. Leaving me. He was just trying to live his life, but... I just didn’t know how to live without him. I couldn’t. I still-” he laughed breathlessly, shaking his head before gesturing to his neck. “I still get this nervous itch when he’s away for a few days. And I’m almost forty.” 
He felt Cas’ hands tighten around his, and he shrugged off the sympathetic look the angel was giving him. He raised his brow towards him, questioning, “do you want that for Jack? For him to be crying and begging you not to go when you drop him off at school? For him to not go on any camping trips or sleepovers because he’d rather stay home with you? For him to get a nervous itch whenever you leave even though he’s a full grown adult?” 
Cas shook his head. “No... No, I don’t want that.” 
“Okay.” Dean nodded, and patted his hand once. “Then this is what you gotta do.” 
Cas nodded slowly, understanding and acceptance sinking in. The lights flickered as another one of Jack’s cries echoed through the bunker. Cas sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted. “This is... this is really hard,” he finally admitted. 
Dean gave a sad smile. He knew that. He knew how much Cas was struggling. He watched Cas look longingly towards the door, then made a decision. “C’mere.” He rose to his feet, tugging on Cas’ hands as he went. Cas hesitated, looking uncertain. “The offer’s gonna go away real quick if you don’t hurry up,” Dean warned. Cas stood and Dean wrapped his arms around him, tugging him in. Cas sagged against him with a sigh. He pressed his face into Dean’s shoulder, and his hands gripped at the back of his jacket. 
After a moment, Cas began to cry. Dean was shocked for a moment, not expecting to hear the sniffles and hitches of breath. He had seen Cas cry quite a few times since Jack was born, but he hasn’t gotten used to it yet. He quickly got over himself. This wasn’t the time to freak out. His friend needed him. He began to rub a hand over Cas’ back. “I know it’s hard, but you’re doing the right thing,” he murmured. Cas hummed in acknowledgement, but didn’t say anything. 
After another moment, Dean said, “y’know, I think I’ve seen you cry more these past few months than I have in the 12 years I’ve known you.” 
“Clearly, Jack brings out the worst in me,” Cas replied, his words muffled by Dean’s shoulder. 
Dean chuckled as a response. The two stood in each other’s arms, quiet apart from Castiel’s sniffling and Jack’s distant cries. The nephil caused the lights to flicker again with another screech, and Cas’ arms tightened around Dean. 
“How much longer?” he asked. 
Dean paused in rubbing his back to check his watch. “You got 27 more minutes to go.” 
Cas nodded. “Okay. And you’ll... stay with me?”
Dean squeezed him, then resumed rubbing circles into his back. This was unusual territory for him. A hug that’s lasted this long was rare for him. But Cas was feeling bad, feeling awful, and Dean would be damned if he let him. If Cas wants Dean to stay by his side during this, then so be it. “Of course, Cas. Of course...” 
----
Alright, that’s it for now. I got carried away ajshfkajhfaj but fuck it I’m actually invested in this AU now, dammit. This wasn’t part of the plan!!
Now to tag some lovely people <3 your comments brighten my day
@arimeii @marvelmisha @astermacguffin @cursed-byesexual @kichisk2020
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destiel-owns-my-ass · 4 years ago
Text
Destiel 15x18 Coda
I was waiting for someone to drop a coda for that scene in 15x18 and since y’all didn’t come through fast enough, I wrote it myself. I really hope y’all like this bc i poured my heart into it. Also this is hella sad and angsty so please get ready for that. Enjoy!
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The loud pounding on the door every minute or two made Dean even more distraught than he had been already. Death would get through this door any minute and take him. And there was nothing he could do about it. "She's gonna get through that door." Dean voiced his concerns out loud. He slowly stepped towards Cas, hoping maybe the angel had any idea how to get them out of this situation.
"I know. Cas wouldn't even look at him. 
"And she's gonna kill you, and then she's gonna kill me." How could the angel stay so calm in moments like this? They were about to die. Did he not understand the seriousness of the situation? The door kept pounding in the backround, making it impossible to stay calm. "I'm sorry." This was all his fault. If it wouldn't have been his stupid idea to confront death they wouldn't be here right now. "Wait, there is- There's one thing she's afraid of." Dean raised his gaze from the floor, looking at Cas with new found hope in his eyes. "There's- There's one thing strong enough to stop her." Cas continued. He turned to face Dean, with a look the hunter couldn't describe. Desperate, but somehow with a glimpse of hope in his eyes. He had no idea what the angel was talking about, but maybe there was a way out of this situation. Dean searched Cas face for answers before he continued. "When Jack was dying, I- I made a deal to save him." "You what?" What the fuck had that to do with this situation? And why hadn't the angel told him sooner? A surge of anger swelled up in his breast but Dean tried to ignore it. "The- The price was my life."
What? Shock and confusion filled the hunter. 
"When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the empty would be summoned and it would take me forever." "Why are you telling me this now?" Dean was trying to put the pieces together in his mind but this was all happening so fast. Billie kept banging on the door, and made it impossible to form a conherent thought. "I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what could it be, what- what my true happiness could even look like." Dean wasn't following. "I never found an answer. Because the one thing I want... it's something I know I can't have." The door kept pounding in the backround. Dean had just gotten out of almost having a heartattack a few minutes ago and now this. It was just all too much in too little time. "But I think I know- I think I know now." Cas had an odd smile on his face. Was that relief? "Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it.
"What are you talking about, man?" This didn't make sense. Not at this time. They were about to die. Why did Cas start monologing?
"I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean." Dean couldn't hide the confusion spreading in his face now. What did that have to do with anything? "You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken. You're- You're Daddy's Blunt Instrument." No,no,no. Dean realised what direction this was turning into. He tried to keep his emotions at bay, the way he always did, but this was different. He felt his eyes tearing up. This couldn´t be happening. Not right now. "And you think hate and anger,that's- that's what drives you. That's who you are. It's not" Everything Dean wanted to do was to tell him to shut up. He had realised what was happening. He didn't know how or why- but it was. He could be wrong though. Dean begged to everything that meant anything to him that he was wrong. "And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love." What Cas was saying- he couldn't believe it. The shock washing over him right now was undeniable. "You raised your little brother for love. You fought this whole world for love. That is who you are. You´re the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know." Cas teared up too know.
Dean wished he could stop this, but whatever was happening right now... it felt final. The door kept pounding in the backound. Dean had to swallow. He couldn't comprehend what was happening right now. Too many emotions all at the same time, washing over him. He had never seen the angel behave this way.
"You know, ever since we met and ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me." A teared rolled down his face now. Dean couldn't think, couldn't talk, couldn't do anything but watch and listen. "Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you." Dean looked the angel deeply in the eyes, not being able to hide his fear now. "You changed me, Dean." "Why does this sound like a goodbye?" "Because it is." This was happening too fast. Dean slighty shook his head. No. This couldn't be happening right now. Cas couldn't leave him again. "I love you." What? No, he was lying, no one could ever love him, broken as he was. Dean couldn't accept this. Not right now. Not when Death was literally knocking on the door. "Don't do this, Cas" He was screaming in his mind. Please don't do this now, this is the worst timing ever. Dean heard a strange sound and turned around. The empty was summoned. He couldn't stop his lip from trembling. He turned his back to the empty to look at the angel one last time.The one thing, Dean had wanted for years, Cas had just admitted to. But he couldn't be happy about it. Because he would leave him. He searched the blue eyes he had learned to love, for anything. Any sign that this wasn't real. That this wasn't happening right now. But before Dean managed to get anything else out of Cas, the door swung open with a bang, and Billie entered the room.
"Cas-" was all he managed to say before Cas laid his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Goodbye, Dean" "What?" The angel pushed Dean away and all the hunter could do was to watch the man he loved get taken away from him. The black goo took both the angel and Death in a matter of seconds, before he could even realise what was happening. Dean stared at the spot in the room, in which the empty had dissapeared into. All that was left now was a deafening silence. He couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his face now. Cas was gone. The man he loved was gone and Dean didn't even have a chance to tell him. His phone started ringing, but Dean didn't have the energy to answer it. He knew it was Sam and he couldn't tell his brother what had happened. Not yet. Instead he just sat on the floor, sobbing into his palms and swearing to himself, whatever it would cost, he would get the angel back.
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mysteryartisticwriter · 4 years ago
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Being Crowley’s daughter and dating Jack Kline would include...
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Not my gif!! (Please tell me if you, the owner, would like me to take the gif down!)
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Of course you were half demon, your mother was human but died when you were 10
You met the boys way back when you were a teen; maybe around 15 years old in season 8 or 9
You were half demon but your mom showed love, taught you to give it back and be kind
You were the ultimate princess of Hell duh
While the boys were hesitant around you, they eventually grew to love you
And ohhh...your dad always threatened them if you tagged along in hunts
“You let a monster lay one finger on my little bear’s head, and I will end you two.” “Daaaaaad….”
Rowena never admitted it, but she utterly loved and adored you. She thought of you as an apprentice since you sometimes practiced spells with her
During Kelly’s pregnancy with Jack, you became her protector as well as Jack’s
Kelly was also hesitant around you since you were half demon, she didn’t want you to maybe end up killing her and her baby or even using Jack as a weapon once he was born
Just like the Winchester brothers, she grew to care for you too. Kelly knew Jack liked you from the start because he always just happened to kick whenever you touched her stomach
You were there when your dad killed himself for the boys, Sam was the one holding you back
Your dad’s last glance at you was a small, simple smile. “Goodbye boys. Take care of my little bear.”
When he stabbed himself, you screamed so loud that Sam and Dean winced at the pain in your voice
When Cas died a little later, you were crying right next to Dean on the ground because he was practically an uncle to you just like Sam and Dean
You mourned for three people that night; your dad, Castiel and Kelly
You vowed to avenge your dad no matter what, you were angry and sad just like Dean for so long
You never went back to Hell and you were sure that you weren’t even the next ruler of Hell anyway, not that it mattered to you
When you guys found Jack, it was strange to see that he was actually your age
You barely talked to him, angry at him for what his father did to Cas and made your dad do
Soon, you slowly began to open up to Jack more and more because he was really one of the only people you could talk to
His innocence was actually kinda adorable, his questions about life were funny too
“(Y/n), what is this?” “That is a pair of headphones, Jack.”
You were still a little bitter towards him until you literally cried on his shoulder one night about how you felt
“I was too weak to save my father, to save Castiel and soon, maybe I’ll be too weak to save you and the boys.”
You half expected Jack to be a little angry at you but he was actually really kind and gentle about it
That was when you realized you were gaining feelings for the nephilim and you didn’t even bother denying it
Unknown to you, Jack was feeling the same way
Castiel coming back was amazing to you and Dean, your uncle came back from the dead!
“Two salty hunters, a half demon princess, one half angel kid, a guy who just back from the dead. Team Free Will 2.0, here we go.”
But the happiness didn’t last long when Jack ran away because he didn’t want to hurt anybody after he accidentally killed a man
Once you found him again, you almost slapped him and yelled at him
“How dare you leave like that?! Do you know how scared and worried I was for you?!”
That was when you had your first kiss with him
He was trying to calm you down but you just caved in and smashed your lips onto his own
Jack didn’t really know what to do but went along with it anyway since he really liked you too
Rescuing Jack and Mary (the Winchesters’ mother) from the other dimension was tiring but you did end up saving both of them later on
Seeing Lucifer again and Jack went off with him, you felt mildly betrayed and hurt
Lucifer tried to convince his son that you didn’t really love him, that you were just using him to get back at his father
Jack never bought it though, he knew you loved him more than anything
He felt so powerless without his grace, Jack was so tired and all he wanted to do was be with you again
When you were trapped in the church with Jack, Sam and Lucifer, you tried your best to kill the devil with your powers
“Poor little girl…left all alone by her daddy.” “Screw you.”
You felt so weak not being able to defeat Lucifer, so vulnerable and weak
Lucifer finally tired you three out and gave a small proposition; one of you dies by the archangel blade and the other two walks out alive
Sam gave you and Jack the blade and told you to kill him but you weren’t having it, so you took the blade from him and pressed it against your own stomach
“I love you, Jack. I love you both so much.” “(Y/n) no!”
Just before you could finish the job, Dean came in and began to fight Lucifer with Michael
Jack was holding you from collapsing becuse the blade had drawn some blood
“Why would you do that?” You smiled weakly at him. “Because I’m not letting either of you die for someone as worthless as me.”
The battle was won by Michael!Dean and finally after all these years, Lucifer was dead
The victory was short lived when Michael had taken full control over Dean and left
Dean was MIA for so long and Jack was feeling worthless without his powers, it was all so much
You, of course, comforted Jack about how he felt. He didn’t deserve to have his grace taken away by someone he thought cared about him
You were so scared when his illness was starting to take him over. Jack was dying and there was nothing you could do to help
When Jack died and went to Heaven, his own Heaven was with you and the boys until he (sadly) had to leave it to go to his mother’s
Jack brought you up to her, telling Kelly that he was in love with you to which she just smiled
“I’m in love with her, mom.” “I know, Jack. I know.”
Rowena was used as a suit for Michael and when he went to attack at the bunker, Jack killed him and gained his grace back….at the cost of burning his soul out
Soulless Jack was saddening to you, he was empty and wasn’t the same boy as before
You weren’t even sure he loved you anymore since he couldn’t feel anything at all
You set your feelings and concerns aside and continued to act the same as you normally would with Jack in your relationship, but it was never the same
After he killed Mary Winchester, you became much more worried about his condition and mildly scared at his actions
Jack being locked away by Sam and Dean was torture to you. Yes, he didn’t have a soul anymore but he was still the same boy you fell in love with. You missed him
When he escaped, God/Chuck came back and was the one who told you that you needed to kill Jack or it could be very dangerous
Instead of Dean, you were the one holding the gun to Jack’s head while he kneeled on the ground, ready to die
In the end, you couldn’t kill him. He was still Jack, he was still your everything and still the love of your life
But before you knew it, Chuck killed Jack himself and raised the souls from Hell
As you and the boys were trapped in the tomb with no way out, you sobbed and mourned over Jack’s dead body with his eyes burned out
The amount of anger you had for Belphegor when he had the audacity to use your boyfriend’s body as a vessel was only felt once for when your dad died
Sealing off the town was hard enough when you had a demon in your ass the whole damn time. Belphegor never left you alone
“Hey sweetheart...” “Belphegor, I am half demon and I will literally send you back to Hell no matter what.”
You went with Belphegor and Castiel down to the rupture in Hell in order to finally get rid of all the ghosts and souls
While down there, you found out that Belphegor was really planning on sucking up all the souls to be as powerful as God
You managed to get him down and punched him so many times that his lip was bleeding and his sunglasses came off, showing Jack’s full face
“Please (Y/n)...stop. It’s me...Jack.” “....You’re not him. And you’ll never be him.”
You killed Belphegor using your powers and needless to say, Dean was not very happy about going off-plan (which was stupid to you because you would’ve had to kill the demon anyway)
You had never felt so depressed and empty in all your life. Your mom and dad were dead, Rowena was dead because of the spell she had to use and Jack was dead as well. Everyone you ever loved was dead and you were just an empty shell of who you used to be
But when Jack was resurrected by Billie the Reaper, you felt the same way as Dean did when Cas came back
It wasn’t until you realized that he was the exact same as before, soulless. You couldn’t bare it, Jack didn’t love or care about anything anymore.
As much as you still loved him, you finally broke things off with him because no matter how much you tried to deny it, your old Jack was gone
When those hellhounds were after you all, Sam and Dean were the ones holding the doors shut while you, Jack, and Cas were in the main part of the chapel trying to activate the Occultum...until Jack swallowed it
“Where’s the Occultum?” “I ate it.” “YOU WHAT?”
Just before the hellhounds could maul the four of you to death, there was a bright light that killed them and Jack’s unconscious body appeared onto the floor
Later, Jack was found awake in the bunker’s kitchen, crying to himself and Cas told the rest of you that his soul has been restored
You couldn’t help but let a small tear escape your eye. Jack was so innocent and new to the world but already was introduced to so many horrible things within three years
You loved Jack, and you always would no matter what happens to him or you
-
A/N: Most of you might know about the BLM protests and the unjust murder of George Floyd but if you haven’t donated or signed any petitions yet, I would strongly suggest that you do! Black Lives Matter! I hear you and I stand with you.
Justice For George Floyd - https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd
TAGGED:
@shortwinchester
@coltcas
@urlaslongasafalloutboysongtitle
@irinazatyk
@meadow-melody​
@eleventhdoctorsangel​
@xsweetnsour​
@gay-drian-cain​
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sortasirius · 5 years ago
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“The Trap” and The Confession
Coming to you live from my coffin this evening: this episode ripped me apart in about ten thousand ways and I am grateful for it.
Oh boi oh boi is this L O N G.
Tbh, I’m going to gloss over a lot of the Chuck/Sam/Eileen stuff, let’s get to what we’re all here for: what in the FUCK that Destiel content was.
So, we all spec’ed a lot about the return of Purgatory, I specifically talked about what Purgatory meant for Dean and Cas’ relationship in season 8, and man oh man, Bobo Berens didn’t disappoint.
Let’s kick it off with, once they get inside Purgatory, Dean literally immediately wants to split up, and ngl, I kinda groaned internally, thinking that’s how we get the prayer or whatever, but my mans Cas is having NONE of it.
“Yeah we’ll also improve our odds of getting lost or killed.  Come on.”
And Dean???  Doesn’t even argue??  He’s just like ur right let’s go.  Ok king.
And when they catch that Leviathan, and the way Dean looks at Cas when Cas like force throws him into a tree.....like go adjust ur pants dude lmao.
I just felt, up until that scene, that Dean was teetering on the edge of saying something to Cas, like Cas is clearly still kinda mad and doesn’t want to talk but Dean does, he keeps looking at him and making little jokes and stuff...an idiot in love.
Also hey guys I will not, under any circumstances, accept that my man Benny is dead ok thanks for allowing me this sidenote.
“I know you’re sorry, Cas.  About Bel, about mom-”
“I was talking about Jack.  I already apologized to you, you just refuse to hear it.”
Woof.
“Sorry I brought it up. Maybe if you didn’t just up and leave us-”
“You didn’t give me a choice.  You couldn’t forgive me, and you couldn’t move on. You were too angry.  I left, but you didn’t stop me.”
At this point I believe that my jaw had literally hit the floor.  Because, I want y’all to think, NAME ME a similar scene, post a breakup like Dean and Cas had, that isn’t romantic?  Yeah, I couldn’t think of one either.
So Dean really tried it, huh?  Tried to make Cas’ leaving about Cas and not what Dean did?  Which we’ve seen so many times from him, but finally Cas is pushing back and refusing to accept that, refusing to rollover and just let Dean win the argument, he makes Dean think, makes him think about his anger, why he pushed Cas away.........can we give Berens the Nobel Peace Prize pls?
I do wanna say that Berens and Singer did a masterful job heightening the tension between scenes. Like the bleak future scenes that Sam was watching vs. Purgatory.  A really well done episode all around.
Cas gets taken by the Leviathan, trapped in an angel trap, Dean gets knocked out, and when he comes to he’s alone, the area and the shot almost a direct comparison of the first shot on season 4, when Cas pulled Dean out of hell.
And then there we were, my heart was literally racing, I had to stand up and get as close to my TV as I possibly could, but man, even though they warned us about the confession, good GOD.
Dean’s desperate, he’s breathing too hard, looking everywhere for Cas, screaming his name, and then he just collapses, he just breaks in half:
“Cas?  Cas I hope you can hear me.  That wherever you are, it’s not too late.  I shoulda stopped you.  You’re my best friend, but I just let you go, cause that was easier than admitting I was wrong.  I don’t know why I get so angry. I just know that- I know that it’s always been there, and when things go bad, it comes out.  And I, I can’t stop it.  No matter how bad I want to, I just can’t stop it.  And I, I forgive you, of course I forgive you.  I’m sorry it took me so long- I’m sorry it took me til now to say it.  Cas, I’m so sorry.  Man, I hope you can hear me.  I hope you can hear me.  Okay.”
So uh.  Yeah.
Listen, I know I’m not the only one that thought this, but damn, damn if that wasn’t the most double sided speech ever.  Sure, it’s an apology, he’s sorry that he pushed Cas away, but....what else?
We talk to much about how Dean projects this macho, masculine persona, when we all know he’s a big nerd who loves comic books, bad scary movies, cucumber water, and Taylor Swift.  He isn’t, he’s never been the macho man he so desperately wanted to be, and to me, that prayer wasn’t only an apology for pushing Cas away, it was an apology for not being able to see, until now, what was right in front of his eyes.  That he loses it every time Cas is gone, that he was willing to spend a year in Purgatory looking for Cas the first time, that he would do anything, cross any line, go down any road, for Cas. 
“I’m sorry it took me so long-”
He cuts himself off there, but the unsaid words hang in the air “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize how I feel about you.”
This scene is just so fucking painful, Dean never cries like this, he never loses it like this, but this confession, this declaration to Cas, it drags all of these pent up emotions, all that shit that he feels for Cas that he has tried, for literal years, to tamp down, comes out all at once.
I’ve said for a long time that Dean gets angry and takes things out on Cas because he’s angry about how he feels about Cas, and pushing Cas away is easier than accepting just how deep his feels run for Cas, but he told Sam that he felt “pure” in Purgatory once, and I feel like he almost just....couldn’t lie, if that makes sense.
And, just like every other time in Purgatory, Cas doesn’t show up, and Dean pulls himself together and does what he’s always done in Purgatory: he keeps looking for the angel.
When they find each other, sweet baby Cas curled up by a tree.  That hug, the way that Dean grips Cas like he’s clinging to a liferaft.  Lay me to rest.
“Okay Cas, I need to say something.”
“You don’t have to say it.  I heard your prayer.”
This snippet is so little and awkward and they’re looking at each other like people look at their crushes and I’m just really really really soft okay?
And then, for our grand finale, the Sam/Eileen scene:
“You should stay.”
“I wish I could.  After what happened, I don’t know what’s real anymore.”
(Insert the sweetest goddamn Saileen kiss in the world)
“I know that was real.”
So........lets compare to 15x02:
“I’ll tel you what we do know: nothing about our lives is real.  Everything that we’ve lost, everything that we are is because of Chuck.  So, maybe you can stick your heard back in the sand, maybe you can pretend that we actually had a choice.  I can’t.”
“Dean.  You asked what about all of this is real.  We are.”
Yo.  Are these writers serious?  An absolutely direct damn parallel between Cas/Dean and Eileen/Sam and Sam and Eileen KISS?  Ok guys, I’ll see myself out.
Bobo Berens has been one of my favorite writers for a long time.  He knows how to make an episode flow, make it gutwrenching, funny, scary, romantic, all at the same time.
I answered an ask right after 15x02, when someone asked my why I didn’t want Buckner/Leming to get credit for canon DeanCas, and I stand by what I said: Bobo has always been one of the writers that understand them the best.  He gets what they are: best friends that turned into something more, something so much more that Dean, in my opinion, doesn’t even have to say it out loud for it to be as incredibly obvious as it was.  Berens is one of the people that deserves the credit for where Dean and Cas are today, that we even have to argue about what makes canon canon. 
I spend so much time with this show, with these characters, that sometimes I feel like I need to take a step back and just fucking appreciate that this scene, this incredibly beautiful episode would never, in a million years, have happened without this showrunning team.  Andrew Dabb and Bobo Berens are creating this literally masterful final season.  I mean what I say when I say that each episode is better than the last, because they ARE, and Dean and Cas are right there, at the forefront, every time.
Dean Winchester’s growth into who he is is, in my opinion, one of the greatest character arcs in TV.  He is NOT who he was in season 1, in season 4, in season 10.  He’s grown so much, he’s so much more willing to be himself, to love what he loves openly, and that scene, that heartbroken, tearful confession where ten words said a thousand is even more than I could have ever asked for.
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sapphomite · 4 years ago
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okay fellas, So I have been officially and completely destroyed by this show. I made a promise to myself that no matter what happens in the finale and no matter how many years pass, I will always be a part of this fandom and never leave the supposed-to-be-best-part-of-my-life behind. And now? Staying here is the last thing I want to do. I am so so so sorry for so many people who spent hours and hours collecting evidence that he(sorry, can’t bring myself to type his name, I miss him) was gonna come back and they talked about him once? twice? That was fucking brutal, man. So in the end, it was a show about two brothers. That’s it. Family don’t end in blood, my ass. The bar was soooooooo low and they managed to screw it up. This is talent, my dudes.
You know what I do wanna talk about?” Operation don’t disclose Misha’s location”. If they made it sure that that was his end, we could have at least stopped hoping and accepted it. If he was not gonna come back then why the fuck did they try so hard to keep it a secret? Don’t they understand it’s only gonna make the expectations high, knowing how large of a fanbase is dedicated to destiel?!?!? THAT WAS ONE LAST QUEERBAIT? HOW CHEAP MINDED YOU GOTTA BE TO END THE SHOW WITH ONE LAST QUEERBAIT? 
This show has been a pillar I could always lean on and now that I have lost one of the most important things in my life, What the hell am I supposed to do? I don’t remember who I was before SPN. But now that I’ve lost it, I told myself to move on but Where? Where am I supposed to go? I don’t have any place left. I am gonna be brutally honest here, whenever I wanted to stop fighting, whenever I just wanted all of it to end, I would tell myself “But how will you watch spn, then?”. That much important this show was to me. And if I still cling on to this show, I will simply get torn into pieces. But move on? Where? Just tell me where?
Dean Winchester died. He was everything to me. What was the point?  It was devastating, yes. But what was the point. THE SHOCK FACTOR? Fuck off.
This show threw character development out of the window. 
It was an emotional roller coaster. But when we talk about logic, this simply does not make sense. One second, Dean was screaming at chuck to bring him back and when Jack became god, Dean didn’t say anything? He lost his will to live when Cas died before and now Dean is peachy? Dabb, did you hit your head somewhere?  AND WHY THE FUCK DID DEAN DIE IN A SIMPLE HUNT?IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE? I WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE EVEN IF THEY MADE HIM MARRY ANOTHER GIRL AND NEVER TALK OF THE ANGEL AGAIN. I WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE, TRUST ME. I DID NOT WANT DESTIEL IF THAT MEANT FOR HIM TO DIE. I WOULD RATHER HAVE THE CONFESSION NEVER ADRESSED AND THE ANGEL FORGOTTEN IF YOU DIDN’T KILL DEAN. YOU CANT KILL ONE OF THE MOST LOVED CHARACTERS JUST FOR THE SHOCK FACTOR, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? 
This show could have made history. But they literally flushed everything down the toilet. The ending was simply bad writing. 
SPN fandom, we deserved better. We are probably about to witness the fall of one of the biggest fandoms. It’s gonna crumble. I don’t know if I want to stay. I would really leave if I could, but where can I go? This is the only home I’ve ever known. I simply don’t know now.
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castiel-kline · 4 years ago
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can we talk about the scene where jack meets his grandparents??? please?? it breaks my heart everytime and your kline family gifset didn't help. please ramble, kitkat!!
First of all anon I think you must be psychic because watching that scene is what gave me the idea to make that post and I saved the gifs under “kline family gifset” while I was editing them. Just wild to me that you phrased it exactly the same 😂
But I would absolutely LOVE to talk about this, yes. 
Under a cut because if you specifically ask for rambles, you’re gonna get some rambling 💕
Let’s start by talking about why he went in the first place. He had to sneak out of the Bunker to do so, which he knew full well was dangerous and going to get him in trouble. When he comes back (and gets in trouble) he tells Cas that “it wasn’t a risk” which, hmm. But then he goes on to say, “I heard what you were saying, Cas, about finding out where I came from. I never knew my mother. I thought the next best thing might be for me to meet the only real family that I have left.” Presumably he’s referring to earlier in the episode when Cas told him that “the past, where you came from, that’s important. But it’s not as important as the future and where you’re going.” 
And to be honest I feel like Jack did take a pretty good message out of that. It’s just so sad to me that at this point he still thinks family is defined by blood (big ouch for Cas there too), and I think maybe that’s because even though he was born thinking Cas was his father, everybody (the boys, angels, demons, etc) told him no. Everyone was telling him that Lucifer is his father, Lucifer is his dad because Lucifer is in his DNA, and that’s just how it is. So despite his connection with Cas being stronger than Lucifer’s influence even before Jack was born, he was forcibly taught that none of that mattered by everyone’s constant worrying that he’d turn out to be evil (which… I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure evil isn’t genetic. So the whole thing is a little wild anyway). 
Now, I’m convinced that Jack has always fully loved and trusted Cas, but I think the nature v. nurture mindset -of, you know, everyone- complicated things a bit at the start. Fortunately, though, nobody could take away or undermine his connection with Kelly in a similar way because they ARE biologically related, so a lot of the time in season 13 I feel like Jack was basing his actions on whether or not Kelly would approve. If I’m remembering correctly, the whole reason he gave Lucifer a chance in the first place (besides his natural curiosity) was because Kelly told him in the video she left for him that no one would blame him if he went looking for Lucifer one day. He’s CONSTANTLY thinking about Kelly. He loves her so much.
So here we are in the beginning of season 14, and Jack has no idea what he’s supposed to be doing. He feels useless, and because of that he’s doubting what his place is (unfortunately this is a very Castiel thing to do). So, as usual, he looks to his mother for guidance. But since he can’t ask her directly, and Cas was the only other person who actually knew Kelly (I feel like Jack’s the type of kid to avoid “bothering” dad when he’s busy), Jack somehow found his grandparents. Logical conclusion, not even gonna lie.
I really wonder how he even did that. How did he find out about them? Did Cas know they were still around? Where do they live? How did Jack get there, since he couldn’t drive yet and he couldn’t fly at the time? I guess those things aren’t that important in the long run. But he gets there, and UGH does this scene break me inside.
The simple fact that he sought them out hurts me and melts my heart simultaneously, but just… 
The look on his face when he opens the door is too much for me. It’s like this mix of refined fear (probably of rejection) and this open wonder because this woman is his grandmother. And he knows he can’t tell her that. And then when he introduces himself and Jack Sr. comes over like “My name is Jack too!” all excited, and Jack’s expression switches from something sad to more of that wonder and he just goes “I know.” AHHHH. I think he’s probably very proud to have something that connects him to Kelly and Kelly’s direct family even further.
The entire scene definitely gave off visiting the grandparents vibes, though. Jack Sr. is just a kindly old man, and I’m pretty sure Grandma Kline (wiki says her name is Helen?) actually handed him a glass of lemonade. And this lil exchange KILLS me:
“How did you know our Kelly? Through work?”
“She… basically gave me my start.” BABY. I’M EMOTIONAL.
And then he goes for the photo album and he’s so damn happy to see pictures of Kelly. The only ones he has is the video and the picture on his nightstand, right? Whatever Cas can tell him about her (admittedly not much, because they were the sweetest of friends but they didn’t know each other that long) really isn’t going to compare to actually seeing the things that make her real.
AND THEN the real punch of the scene comes when Mrs. Kline asks him about Kelly’s pregnancy. You can tell he wants to tell them SO BAD, but he doesn’t. He just says “she had the baby,” with the purest smile on his face. And he tells them it’s a boy, and they get so excited about having a grandson and Jack’s just sitting there, unable to tell them that HE is their grandson. And it breaks my heart.
“In the time I spent with her, she was an amazing mother. Her son loves her very much.” 
Cue ugly sobbing, yeah? And he just… keeps going. He talks about what he remembers about her before he was born, and he’s smiling but his expression changes to looking like he’s about to cry when he says “she made him feel safe and wanted.” And that is just too much for me because I’m sure he feels safe with Cas, and obviously he’s wanted and loved there. But Cas isn’t Kelly and can never fill that space. And Jack has spent so much of his life feeling like he’s an unwanted burden, and he hasn't had a lot of real bonding time with Cas yet. And sure, his relationship with Sam was good at this point, but sadly I think Jack never really feels like he’s fully accepted there because he doubts his place. He doesn’t with Cas, and he’s going to get opportunities to build on that. He doesn’t have to doubt it with Kelly either, but the memory of that feeling is literally all he has. And all the times he worried he wasn’t enough before this point, I’m sure he was holding on to that memory with everything that he had.
AND THEN Mrs. Kline says that Jack looks like Kelly… and this child gets so emotional. I feel like he’s honored. But he pulls himself together and says “I don’t know, but I hope someday to have a little of her courage and purpose.” And that hits HARD for many reasons, but knowing that Jack is constantly struggling to feel useful? I’m sobbing and screaming now.
He gets up to leave looking like he’s about to break down crying, and he’s just going “I didn’t mean to intrude” (because this is a boy with manners!!!) but it’s his little “I just had to meet you” that gets me. And then he gets to shake his grandpa’s hand and hug his grandma and say he misses Kelly too. It’s SUCH a fantastic scene.
And I think it really did help him a lot, too. He confirms that it did when Cas directly asks him about in the midst of his scolding about sneaking out. And then Cas confirms that Jack looks like Kelly, which melts my poor heart even further. What Jack says to Cas there, about how he wanted to tell them that he was their grandson… it hurts. It all hurts, actually, but it’s kind of a good hurt because spn actually managed to treat Kelly and Jack’s relationship with the respect and gravitas that it deserves. And the scene with his grandparents and his scenes with Cas, both the one building up to it and the one after, are the highlights of this episode in my opinion. 
I was not expecting this to become a scene breakdown, but I hope you enjoyed my ramblings! I am always happy to cry over Jack and Kelly in an overly verbose way.
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curioussubjects · 4 years ago
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hi sorry im new and want to know why do you think what misha said about cas' ending is good news?
hi, nonny! please no need to apologize, you’re fine :) ok so the first thing to keep in mind with misha’s wishes for cas ending is that, yes, while he always ends up talking about cas sacrificing himself, that can mean a few things without it being a bad ending (read: cas dying for real and not staying with tfw). for example, cas could sacrifice his grace and become permanently human. another thing to remember is that at its core, and based on previous statements, what misha has wanted for cas was for him to have mattered, to have finally found a place he belongs, and for him to have been able to do the most good he’s able. i often find that when misha doubles down on cas dying, specifically, he’s trying to rile us up. that and j2m haven’t always had the clearest perspective on the show’s story, simply because they experience it differently than the rest of us.  also worth noting that dabb & co. are not writing game of thrones. spn isn’t ending in a hopeless grim dark way, i promise. it’s just not the story we’re being told. just look at 15.09, cas ending up in a box removed from his family is not where this is going, regardless of whether the box is the malak box or the emtpy.  now, why is it good news specifically? well, a lot of that comes from @occamshipper‘s spec videos and musings, which a bunch of us have run away with -- seriously, go look through their blog and youtube channel, it’s real fun. then we can scream about it. that said, even without spec you can look at just what the show is giving us to see that cas’s ending being ~final doesn’t mean sad and even if it means death, it doesn’t mean unreachable separation. just look at rowena, she died for real, but she’s not gone in any way. she lives on as the queen of hell. like, the boys could literally pay her a house call if they wanted. couldn’t we see an ending like that for cas? so much of cas’s guilt has been with his role is destabilizing heaven and killing angels...doesn’t it make sense that he save heaven from chuck? from itself? and if so, and he’s stuck in heaven, or some new iteration of heaven, sam and dean will end up there anyway. death has never meant much in spn for our heroes, so wouldn’t it make sense for the writers to truly go the whole way with no one dies in supernatural? what if death isn’t an end at all? it’s not goodbye, it’s i’ll see you later. to quote benny in atomic monsters: ‘’i’ll see you on the other side, brother.’’ 
so, in short, when misha says he’s satisfied with cas’s ending and that it’s final, i’m here thinking that min and the rest of us are on the right track with the spec and the clownery. that cas does the most good, that there aren’t threads of unhappiness in his character, and no unfinished business. that he can start the new chapter in his life without dragging all his baggage. i mean, that’s what i want for sam and dean, too. and jack. and all our beloved characters.  but really, nonny, if you feel unsure, watch s15 eps again. pay attention to what chuck wants (ie, what the narrative is telling us is bad), what does becky want? pay attention to garth’s life (dude has got it all). and remember that the message of the show is always family. not to the extent of codependency, but a family that is supportive, and loving, and gives you room to be yourself. it’s what we’re building towards. the self-actualization of tfw that further solidifies instead of alienate their bonds. and of course, peace or freedom may just be a false choice.
i hope this made sense and helped you some, but feel free to ask more questions! i’m seriously the furthest from concerned over how spn will end so reassurance is right up my alley, too ❤
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