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#literally Nothing in my life is going well rn
simgerale · 6 months
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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cuteniarose · 17 days
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nia, r u doing ok??
No.
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devilsskettle · 6 months
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i hate that this website has location based ads now like it's one thing to promote the local grocery store chain to me but i am seeing ads for my workplace now :/
#stop it......#i don't want to go back but this is the last sick day i can reasonably take#i probably should've gone back today but i told them when i was still feeling worse that i wasn't coming in.......#ohhhh i dread going in tomorrow so much. i don't even dislike this job i just hate being somewhere everyday#each day feeling its meaninglessness...... my meaninglessness in the space.......... the repetition and redundancy#selling people who don't need to be there things that they don't need#standing all day long just fucking bored#hoping that enough has happened since i've been gone that people can fill me in#ugggh because it's soooo boring but stressful to have to generate conversation with the same people every day#when nothing new ever happens#and i get sick of everybody even the people that i like and i don't really think anybody likes me that much either#i guess i felt this when i worked there part time but because i only had to be there part time it wasn't this constant gnawing feeling#and they didn't have me in the shop all the time....... this schedule is fucking killing me#i walk there i stand all day and i walk home#that's one of the reasons i haven't come back in yet - i was so dizzy and nauseous that the idea of standing all day was like.#i obviously can't fucking do that even if i would otherwise feel well enough to come in#if i had a sitting job then it wouldn't matter if i was a little dizzy#but getting back and forth to work and then standing for 8 hours. even when i'm feeling well it's kind of a lot#idk i guess i'm pretty unhappy with this job and where i am in life etc but i can't quit rn because what else would i do#there's literally job of this type that is going to pay as well and have good benefits#and i'm not qualified yet for the type of work i hope to do in the future#so i just gotta wait it out but it feels like. endless.#sigh anyway i'm just lazy lol#all this is to say. stop putting ads for my workplace on my dash lol i don't need to see all that
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papus-clown-enclosure · 2 months
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Thinking about the email my German 101 teacher said about possibly switching to her other 101 class. Like that would mean having 2 classes and a lab on one day. Which could free up my other days for when I get an internship
(I hope I get one bc I have yet to find out if it's needed for my 1st major, or else I'm straight up getting a job if not. )
(Something something self sabotage and something of running away of New possibilities/opportunities even though it's not expect3d but sure would have helped me in the long run)
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apathyfairy · 21 days
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me at 13: by the time im 30 i will probably be married and maybe have a kid but for sure i will be living in my dream city and have my dream job. and also a lot of money
me at almost 30: i think i will treat myself to a corn dog this weekend
#i want a corn dog so bad rn#ngl u guys im actually really struggling with turning 30 at the end of the year lmao#not lmao bc it really is bothering me which is so stupid i know I Know#but. and i know we're All struggling with this. but it's like god i have done nothing with my life#like fr. everyone says that but i literally have done nothing. ive never had a real 9-5 ive been freelancing since college#and tbh i guess that's not a bad thing? but self worth wise i feel like a complete loser.#but ive just made one mistake after another and i know that's what your 20s are for and u know what this is my tags and im not going#to keep contradicting myself i feel like shit bc i feel like shit and ive wasted my whole life thats that#i just feel like such a sham like i cant believe this is what 30 is like i on god feel like im still a teenager#not in a carefree kind of way OBVIOUSLY. which i never was anyway. but i just ?? feel like that#scary fucking episode of rugrats where tommy and chuckie become their dads and they go to work and theyre so fucked up bc#well theyre babies and they dont know anything. and even the fact that i just referenced rugrats to explain how i feel lmaooooo#relationship wise well u guys know how that is. and i truly couldnt care less about what people think about me not being in a relationship#ever and tbqh i dont give a fuck anymore either like. and here i go bringing this up again. but after my ex im like ok life truly is so#short fr i dont even care like anyway. anyway. the point is there is just no reality whatsoever where i pictured my life where i am now#once again living with the abusive relative i moved across the ocean to get away from.#no love life to speak of. fr dont care but god wouldnt it be nice to be loved fr.....#no career. living in a state i hate with all my heart. barely surviving money wise. which is everyone rn but#if i had known 10 years ago this would be my life i would have honestly killed myself.#like if i knew it would all turn out like this i wouldnt have moved i wouldve just fr killed myself and i wish i did lol#to be fair. i didnt see myself living past 18 but like. i just thought something would have saved me by now
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toastsnaffler · 10 months
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my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/
#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man#i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks#and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig#even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-#better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them#like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it#hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders#for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee#the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want#me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so!#anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too#its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh#we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its#kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way#im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily#cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction#its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things#for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a#want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them#and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎#i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay.#.vent
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dadbots · 10 months
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cold as shit & freezing my ass off in this winter (But at least we made it to December.)
#dadbots.txt#starting the new month off with a sore throat & body aches due to household cold-like symptoms. Thanks. Even when I was trying 2 avoid it#and with how cold it is — permanently staying In bed forever. Like it’s physically making me curl into a crab rn oh my god it’s so cold#Which is both hell and good in both ways. Bad since I stay in bed too much anyway. Almost everyday.#Especially with chronic low energy and 24/7 fatigued. Mentally and physically. And i really gotta do better -#- and reduce that since that adds up alongside other unhealthy habits. And I can literally feel it taking a toll on me unfortunately.#But also good since I’ll be resting more often than not. It’s not something i do and so having the opportunity to rest is kinda nice?#Still. Two sides of a coin right now. And this cold is definitely not helping me or the fact it’s easier to get sick 10x more.#Back to pain relievers and heat ig.#Although with this just. Might be a cold but also not? Thing? Since not all of my sore throats are colds but overproduced mucus. Gross.#But been drinking tea like habitually to knock this out and warm blankets and stuff. Feeling better as of typing this. So thank god it’s wo#This month been… interesting to say the least. A lot of personal talk and changes that should’ve happened years ago.#But hey. You live and learn.#And I’m not mad at it. I’m making progress when I would’ve shrugged and say it’d never happen. Now it’s happening and even I’m surprised#Doesn’t mean it’ll completely override everything in my life or push stuff to the side. Though it’s better than nothing so I’ll take it.#Winter is always hard for a lot of people and I’ve been hit with it as well. Even near the holidays and all.#Been rough. And the constant realization that each month I don’t remember…. Anything. That has happened.#But also that I did a little more than previously and slowly pushing it each month. Little by little.#There’s been a drastic change from last year to now. Went through new lifestyles and experiences. Exploring different fields. Etc#So it’s been one hell of a ride anyway. And that I can sit back and be content with. Even if nothing else is currently going on yknow#December probably gonna be slow. But we’ll see. Hope to bring new opportunities fortune and possibilities along the way. Take care y’all
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strwbrymlkshake · 2 years
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been getting a lot more into Killing lately
#mine#vent post again hello. for the love of god#🎸#anyways um uhh uhhah uhagh i feel like violence is more apparent in my life#though it could def be due to the violent outburst i had the other day. just the aftermath of it ig#i have been feeling depressed and like i cant control my own life bc things are being withheld from me#hrgngh :( as usual. nothing is changing. i have to wait like this for a long ass time before it does.#oh right the point of this post: i keep feeling like my bf is mad at me even though there is literally nothing to signify that#he did not even say he was mad at me so why is my anxiety thru the roof HUH. well probably trauma#he said he would love me no matter what! but im still so worrieedddd :< i guess it wasnt a big thing to be mad about anyways so#i dont understand why he WOULD be mad about it. so unless he says he is mad/upset then he ISNT but my brain does not get this#there is NO reason for me not to trust him#also i have moved on from the 'why doesnt he message me first in the morning' fiasco which is good. i dont have an explanation as to why#i just am not mad about it anymore idk lol. well besides that my brain is feeling illogical things that i can recognize are illogical#but they still impact me :< its not fair at all... i could hypothetically construct reasoning why hes mad at me rn but im only hurting#myself this way. me moment. it was relatively innocent its not something to be MAD about he said hed love me for all my mistakes#so even if it was a problem he wouldnt stop loving me!!! do you understand brain? goodness...#HES LIKE. he is my beloved forever and i want to be holding him or touching him always. going to punch a wall idk#i just love him so much i dont want to mess up ever!!!!! god damn!! we are both depressed / have mental problems so we are doing our best#metaphorically smoking a joint with him rn i miss him. drugs are bad btw i would never do a weed. only in the metaphorical sense#i want us both to be less miserable so together we can be happy!! but why am i keeping him from doing things he likes...#but i want him to be happy?! but i want to spend time with him :( im gonna cry. WHAT AM I MAKING MYSELF UPSET FOR#he didnt even say he was mad at me i am just spinning this way out of proportion! ok!? he loves me forever#but yea i feel like my social filter for violence related things dissipated entirely. so i have been openly talking abt killing people#which is not good i am not going to do any of these things. my brain is too fond of them
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wachi-delectrico · 2 years
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Me, the three weeks I was home alone: Wow I'm eating on a much better schedule with a greater variety of meals and feel physically and mentally great, I haven't binged in forever and I'm able to hold back when I feel the urge to - why don't I do this when my family is around?
My family: *buys too much red meat, which I don't like much* *doesn't buy many vegetables and when they do they run out super quickly* *buys too much frozen and sugary food, which I don't like* *either nobody washes the dishes or they do but they keep stacking clean dishes on the countertop instead of putting them away, making the kitchen look super cluttered and hard to navigate* *they're downstairs all the time working and talking and yelling and doing a lot of noise and moving all over*
Me, starting to skip meals again due to the stress and lack of foods I enjoy: Ah,
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blessedmoonsoul · 7 months
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"#and africans are too busy celebrating these laws cos they believe thats what the god the white man told them to do." yeah <3 black&african christianity never ceases to blow me
LIKE. and it's a weird thing for me cos I still have my faith but I can't be around ppl who claim to be christians in my family/community cos they're always so hateful and afraid of everything that isn't "holy" to them, according to a religion we were forced into by our literal oppressors. and then they turnaround to demonize our actual traditional african religions. makes zero sense.
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randomgumwrapper · 10 months
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got rejected from my dream school !!!!
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james-stark-the-writer · 10 months
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writing annotations for sources is one of the most annoying things ever and i just spent the last hour writing 15 annotations and now my hands hurt like hell and i wanna end it all bc i literally turned the assignment in with 1 minute remaining (and several annotations had to be compromised to get it in so i'm also sad i turned in subpar work, even if it's better than no work at all) and i still had work to do for a few of them, and a few typos slipped past and i even got 2 citations wrong.
#james talks#literally there's so much fucking research i've done today my brain is officially fried#there's nothing going on in there rn#literally not only read 1.5 novels today but also found and annotated 15 sources on Mansfield Park and Maria or The Wrongs of Woman and--#the construction of the patriarchy and systems of power in england in the 18th century and how women were subjugated by them and--#how they were also complicit in their construction and perpetuated those systems and how the laws of england also oppressed the women#i literally had to skim through half the papers to get the annotations done so i'm sure some of them aren't even entirely accurate#but my professor is already weeks behind on grading so she's not gonna check and actually read all the sources#but it's just annoying and disappointing that i couldn't get it done to my usual standards.#some of my annotations were only like 3 sentences and some only got a little bit of research and others got a bunch--#and it's really noticeable but here's to hoping my professor doesn't give enough of a shit to dock points for it.#anyway i would be so happy if i never had to do another annotated bibliograpy or literature review in my life.#literally gonna go put on some music and lie in bed and try to relax and hopefully get some sleep#though i had to take 4 cups of coffee to power through today's mountain of work so sleep is not very likely atm#anyway i have a whole day's of youtube to catch up with as well#and i have to do more research and a powerpoint for a class presentation on monday that i can't actually do until late sunday bc--#i won't be at home this weekend since i have to go to my aunt's and my laptop is broken and it's annoying to do on my phone#and i obviously can't take my whole computer to her place#AND i have to prepare for finals in a week and turn in a bunch of creative writing to my writing groups and start 4 multi-page papers#literally i'm gonna kill myself at this rate#jesus christ i'm spiraling. let me go try to relax for a while.
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hog-babe · 11 months
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i honestly kind of love my job atm i love interacting with the volunteers and the job students and it's fun to me. hate everything i still need to do for my old job tho...
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misfortunegirl · 1 year
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anyone who is inlove with me 👉👈
#Im sorry im having a bad episode rn and am most likely going to be embarrassed but oh well. i need validation.#also im like mostly aware nobody gives a rats ass about me on here but . still.#theres like a tiny part of me that wishes theres a person on here that actually cares about me very deeply thoufh they dont show it#but also i get anxious when i remember that literally anyone can access my crazy ramblings.😀#/⁠╲⁠/⁠\⁠╭⁠(⁠•⁠‿⁠•⁠)⁠╮⁠/⁠\⁠╱⁠\#finak thoughts for now HOPEFULLY: if youre like me . listen to your intuition. its never been wrong for me. yes i feel crazy and paranoid#but guess what i am also? always right. so. yeah. if something feels off its because it is. ☝️ stop beinf a dumb bitch like me and ignoring#your intuition. dont be like me please. ive been aware about so many things way before they happened but always disregarded my suspicions#bitch my suspicions have never been wrong. those whove made me out a crazy paranoid bitch. EAT SHIT.#anywho anywho. if something feels off and wrong. its cause it is off and wrong. people cant be trusted ever. most suck . truthfully.#see this is why therapy doesnt work for me. unless ive written thoughts like these down these revelations come and go on ther own and in th#meantime im as dumb as a rock!!!! because i literally forget everything that ever happens to me#anyways. the verdict is. i need someone who is obsessed with me so that i can be obsessed with them without being made out to be crazy😌#i cant love normally because at the end of the day nothing about me is normal.#im unsatisfied because normal life doesn't fit me.#normal life is made for normal and sane people. not for weird bitches like me who share their delusional ramblings on Toomblr dot com.#thats actually a sort of. calming realization. im constantly trying to fit into the mold of a normal person#when clearly im not. ive neverbeen. ive turned out this way because everyone ostracized me for not being like them#well. suddenly i feel better. dont get me wrong i still hope theres at leasr one person on here whois madly inlove with me🥶#but yeag. im jughead coded at the end of the day. Riverdale writers found outt about me and were like lets makes jughead based on her is#no “is” .sorry#based off on actually. i know english well i swear
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apathyfairy · 10 months
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some days you really just want to scream why is this so hard!!!!!! why is life so hard for me!!!!!!!!!!!!
#maybe it's bc i just started my period or maybe it's bc im on the verge of my next breakdown but im struggling!!!!!!!!!!#yesterday i realized it's been exactly 2 years since i moved into this living situation im still stuck in and it just hit me#as i was trying to fall asleep that like ok i just lost 2 more years of my life!! i accomplished absolutely nothing and#just ran in fucking circles going nowhere and literally have done Nothing#and not to make excuses but im only now realizing how badly covid fucked me like not covid covid but covid time#as in like jobs and having any sort of future like that was Exactly the time after i graduated that i needed to be doing shit and i couldnt#and yeah i know there are sooooo many people in similar situations bc of covid but god i just feel like such a failure which i am#but i just feel so helpless like i honestly do not know how to move forward#or what i even want out of life anymore if anything at all and yes ok so period plus 2 year anniversary plus my birthday next week so im#extremely on the edge rn#and anyway last night i was crying bc of the 2 year thing then u know how when u sometimes start crying about one thing#u start crying about just everything wrong in your life so yeah i did that and then suddenly it was about still living here#and still living in this state and still living with mentally abusive relatives and how much of a failure i am at my age and how my birthda#will make me feel like shit and how much i miss my dogs and how much i worry about my cat and how i cant ever lose her ever no matter what#like i simply will not go through another pet death i just wont. and then all roads lead to my biggest mistake and regret so my ex then#all that and how i literally cant change any of those things at all and how much i feel like a prisoner and i cant escape and anyway.#im just not doing well lately lmao
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gommyworm · 1 year
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:^}
#nothing like talking to my mom to make me completely unravel and reconsider every one of my life choices 🫠#casual cry at work bc i dont know what to do with my life and i have no goals and i will never be well enough off to satisfy my mom looool#like i know shes scared bc we grew up super poor n she struggled to get where we are now massively but like#why do i need to make 200k to make her happy lol#like im making a decent salary at my full time job and i want to pursue more school so i can expand my horizons and look into diff careers#bc i find my job boring ! altho im very thankful for it !#but i dont wanna do this for the rest of my life !!!! id literally rather be dead than sit at a desk writing emails for 40 years !!!!!#i was talking to her about going back to my uni and making my minor into a major so i can get a secdon degree#since i already took the majority of the courses i can finish the second degree in 1 year ! i already planned out all the courses n stuff!#but shes like what do u want to do with that why are u wasting ur time doing things that wont put more money in ur pocket#im gonna be applying for my masters this year anyway so i was like might as well do something entertaining with the next year#get a degree out of it n all and then hopefully attend my masters program the next year ? like isnt that cool and impressive or whatever ?#its for my ego ! it makes me feel like im progressing rather than staying stagnant at my job i dont like !#but she just wants me to make more money lmao like i know moneys tight and its hard n everything#eugh#and shes like increasing the mortgage payments bc she qants to pay the house off asap but making our monthly bills cost more#so it always feels like were one step away from being in a hole we cant get ourselves out of#like why is my entire life focused on making money and supporting a famkly rn lmao im 25 and ive barely been able to live#i judt want to do soem things for myself ! make myself feel good about myself !!!#im sureounded by stem people with nice jobs and good degrees !! all these 22 year olds with masters under their belts and im stuck !!!!#boring and useless and havent lived up to any potential lol im so tired of my stupid inferiority complex i just want to feel like#an interesting and accomplished person like everyone expected me to be !!! especially myself !!!!#this fucking sucks#looking at law school applications again#might try to do an lsat in september or something ig#gommywords
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