#literally I saw that tag and got war flashbacks

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

[diorsluv]

feather , part 10

“ i’m saying ‘no, no, no, no more’ ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

( socialmedia!au )

yourusername

liked by lhughes_06, adamfantilli, mackie.samo, and 74,028 others

yourusername little women hurt my brain so i went back to my happy place (aka gossip girl)

view all comments

edwards.73 i’m kinda scared to ask but uh… what’s the difference between gossip girl and gilmore girls

→ yourusername unfollow me rn

→ colecaufield wait no he’s valid (i don’t know the difference either)

→ yourusername both of u have asked me this 20 times already. i’m blocking u two.

markestapa i know the difference between gossip girl and gilmore girls!

→ mackie.samo me too!!

→ yourusername yeah bc u come to my place for gossip girl marathons like every other day

username64 LITTLE WOMEN

username78 FLORENCE PUGH OH MY GOD

jackhughes little women gives me war flashbacks

→ yourusername i wonder why 🤨

→ jackhughes hmmm maybe because you CALLED ME FOR 5 HOURS STRAIGHT JUST TO RANT TO ME ABOUT IT

→ yourusername IM SORRY

username14 is no one gonna talk about how she posted this at 2 in the morning 😭😭

bookerburke_ gossip girl is the one with the guy that played sam in supernatural right

→ yourusername no sweetie that’s gilmore girls…..

→ cole.caufield HEY HOW COME YOU’RE NICE TO HIM ABOUT IT BUT NOT US yourusername

username21 at least bertram isn’t in one of the pics this time

→ username35 LMAO BERTRAM

username69 i’m kinda sorta in love with your taste in tv shows and movies

yourusername

liked by jackhughes, adamfantilli, trevorzegras, and 82,185 others

yourusername went through my old photos and i guess this is sort of a photo dump.. if u ask me to explain the pics i might…….

so for all the trev, luke, jack, quinn, luca, mark, rut, turcs, eddy, and mackie girls, i hope you’re happy 🫶🫶

tagged: trevorzegras, _quinnhughes, mackie.samo, edwards.73, jackhughes, lhughes_06, _alexturcotte, rutgermcgroarty, luca.fantilli, markestapa

view all comments

lhughes_06 please for the love of god don’t explain the cow photo

→ username44 what happened in the cow photo 😧

→ yourusername okay username44 so basically i walked out of my parents house and i saw luke’s dumbass in a cow suit standing right next to my car

→ lhughes_06 I WAS 16 AND JACK SAID IF I DID IT HE’D DO MY CHORES FOR TWO WEEKS

adamfantilli why didn’t you post me 🫤🫤

→ yourusername i didn’t have any old bad pics of you 😕

username4 quinner is contemplating his life in that fishing pic

luca.fantilli okay but that cake was kind of good

→ yourusername uh huh maybe bc i made it

→ luca.fantilli ok i don’t know bout all THAT 🤣

→ yourusername ur the worst fantilli brother

trevorzegras i didn’t know everyone fell asleep on top of me on the couch 😅😅

_alexturcotte let me just say i beat cole in arm wrestling

→ cole.caufield yeah butttt who got the bigger gains??

→ _alexturcotte oh shut up

→ yourusername it’s okay turcs, not everyone’s as strong as cauliflower here

→ _alexturcotte BUT I LITERALLY BEAT HIM?? yourusername

→ cole.caufield hey lil drizzy i thought we left that nickname in 2020 🙃

markestapa you know i actually rode that skateboard pretty well

→ yourusername you fell flat on your ass

username76 i love how she’s exposing EVERYONE

edwards.73 hey it was fun getting thrown into the pool

→ yourusername says the one that started screaming bloody fuckin murder as soon as he hit the water

mackie.samo i look so disheveled eating that cake

rutgermcgroarty see me and jack held each other up in that second photo bc we’re just too strong for our own goods

→ jackhughes 🗣️🗣️

→ yourusername whatever helps you sleep at night

next chapter notes ) i’m actually grinding these chapters out it’s insane this one was really fun to make, esp the second post 😈😈 and also no booker this time so i hope yall like it a bit more lmaooo

[white-weasel]

Eleanor trapping Logan is SUCH a delicious concept oh gosh

This woman recreates Jigsaw traps for fun!! She has the skills and the creativity to make some for herself!!! I get the point of her character was supposed to be the fake out and maybe making her someone who *actually* traps people undercuts that but idec!! I think it’s interesting if she doesn’t do like. Full scale Jigsaw activities, but does want to keep the legacy preserved and if that means trapping the new Jigsaw killer, by God she’s gonna trap the new Jigsaw killer

And honestly I know a lot of the fanbase has issues with Logan being an apprentice/the way the movie frames him as being, like, The Best Apprentice Ever in that he taught John his philosophy and also followed it after his death which arguably he doesn’t! John’s whole thing was that his games are rehabilitation, while Logan wanted revenge for the murder of his wife. We can talk about John’s philosophy vs his actions and the hypocrisy of a lot of his traps of course, but at its core he at least *believed* he was giving his victims a shot in his games. Logan, on the other hand, *knows* that he’s not giving Halloran a “fair” game as evidenced by the raw ass exchange of “John Kramer gave people a chance to win the game, a choice.” “You have a choice, scream or don’t”

This then ties into how we get the Saw fanbase back on our side with Logan as a character: instead of that flashback he narrates at the end of Jigsaw being actual canon, we show that that was his *perception* of his time and interactions with John Kramer, but really he’s an unreliable narrator. Something interesting to me about Jigsaw is that Logan is the one who is literally narrating the twist to his victim! I’m pretty sure none of the other mainline films do this (though of course correct me if I’m wrong). This means that everything Logan’s saying could be wrong! I don’t think hes purposefully lying, but I really think the philosophies he picked up and what he took out of his apprenticeship were maybe not what actually happened. Perhaps it got warped and distorted even further when he was a prisoner of war and endured torture. Just!!! There’s something compelling to me about Logan being an unreliable narrator AND I think it could fix some of the issues fans have with him

Then of course going back to Eleanor, she’s engrossed in the world of John Kramer and Jigsaw. She knew shit that the general public couldn’t even think of. This is a bit fanservice-y but I’m imagining she somehow was able to figure out the existence of Jigsaw’s third (or I guess fourth?) apprentice who the audience would know is Lawrence Gordon. Sure, she doesn’t actually know the identity of this apprentice, but she’s heard rumors that John Kramer had a fail safe to go after his other apprentice, Mark Hoffman, when he stepped out of line. And maybe Eleanor sees herself as having to step into this role now towards Logan - he’s not following the path he was taught and needs to be corrected. Plus, like I said in the tags of that poll, technically Logan never completed his test. She thinks that if he gets through this one she constructed, he’ll see the true purpose of traps and get back on the straight and narrow. And if he fails, well, he’ll stop perverting the Jigsaw name and what it *should* stand for

This is all just a LOT of disorganized rambling that probably makes zero sense, but hey Twisted Picture, if you ever want ideas for how to continue the Saw movies without being constricted to the I - VII portion of the timeline, I will dump them on you

[saberamane]

Ngl, when I saw your tagged post about the Nergigante, I immediately had war flashbacks of me and my friend playing MonHun. Nergigante’s a beast (haha).

Nergigante is actually a good monster to turn Desmond into because it’s an elder dragon which means it’s one of the most dangerous monster in any MonHun game but it has a certain quirk to it:

It keeps fighting even if it means hurting itself.

Not to mention, it’s an elder dragon without any elemental abilities, relying heavily on brute force and it’s theorized (or maybe this is already confirmed? Not sure) that Nergigante’s null elemental status and its penchant for hunting fellow elder dragons shows that it is meant to keep the balance of the world by keeping the other elder dragons in check which would… sorta tie in with Desmond’s ‘special situation’ in terms of AC lore (especially now that he’s the Reader).

The spikes on Nergigante’s body can also be used as projectile which would make short work of Cesare’s Papal Army. Although, it should be noted that due to its large body, it’s more on the destructive side so if you want him to stop the colonizers from attacking Ratonhnhaké:ton’s tribe, it would be better for him to strike them before they reach the village, otherwise, the village would be caught in the battle.

As for saving Sef and Malik and Abbas’ coup, that would even be harder because Masyaf is a small space when compared to the normal Nergigante size. Although, at that point, I’m sure Desmond wouldn’t care about destroying the fortress if it means he can save Sef and Malik.

Another thing to note is that the Nergigante’s spikes regenerate (freaking too fast in my opinion) so… Altaïr can definitely use it to craft some things. (Nergigante-based armor and weapons usually rank high as well)

Btw, if you want Desmond to have a more ethereal flaming look, may I suggest a gold/white version of Xeno'jiiva?

While Xeno'jiiva does not have Nergigante’s devastating brute force, it does have a sense of mystery surrounding it, which would fit Desmond well, and is a fire elemental elder dragon (. It’s final form Safi'jiiva loses the ethereal look but is deadlier as well.

Although, if you want a monster with a connection with the sun, our best bet is Teostra.

Or the deadlier variant, the Risen Teostra

*******************************************************************************************

Additions by SaberAmane:

Ok, so...I have Monster Hunter World for ps4, and I’ve had it for literal months now, and just havn’t gotten time to play it. But all the monsters and such I’ve seen from the game look awesome and is the main reason I got it to play.

Now for Nergigante, his size would cause issue for doing anything in towns, or dense forests, but I love the fact that Altair could use the spikes from his body to make weapons and armor, and it wouldn’t hurt Desmond at all since they detach organically.

Xeno’jiiva looks even cooler, and yes a white/gold variation would be stunning! Also I love the ‘false eyes’ look that travel up the horns, it’s something a lot of animals do to protect themselves (there’s a moth/butterfly that literally has wings that look like a snakes head) but also it’s just a cool look, and it seems like they might be able to glow as well? That would just make him all the more menacing.

But I have to say, for my love of dragons and related creatures, Teostra would have to be my favorite choice. It seems to be a type of Manticore, which is just awesome and a fantasy creature that doesn't often get used because Dragons are seen as being ‘cooler’ and often more menacing.

My argument would be, how is a lion/dragon hybrid, which is usually venomous/poisonous, and can fit into the same space a human would go to hide, not just as cool and deadly??

The Risen Teostra looks more manticore than the regular, having a more lion-like face, but I do like the giant tusks the regular one has. And it’s probably the rendering or angle or something, but the regular Teostra seems to have bigger, more ‘ornate’ horns??

So...I would have to say Teostra would be my pick. It’s still deadly, looks cool, can fly to get places quickly, but also... you can’t hide in a building/cave to get away from it because it’s too big to fit. It can pretty much go where ever a person can. The only thing i’d change is to give it the scorpion tail manticore’s typically have so he could have that poison ability to both use himself on enemies, but to also aid the Assassin’s.

[borom1r]

take whatever boromir hc or experience you would like (one you rlly love) and just. gush abt it!! I don't know a whole lot but I do know you love him ;v; (ily and I hope you feel at least a bit better soon 💖💖 lmk if there's anything I can do!!)

heurgh thank u dude life just keeps happening so much all the time + im. Fed Up — ily2 tho fr this means a lot;;;;

uuuuuuuuuuuummmm immmm very partial to just. Boromir Is A Good Big Brother. fundamentally, he Cares. he cares so so much. I love him??? I love how much he loves. He wears a ranger’s vambraces, archer’s vambraces bc he loves his baby brother and he’s carrying a piece of Faramir into unfamiliar territory. + obviously there’s his relationship w/ Merry and Pippin and his “give them a moment, for pity’s sake!” line but also the fact that he’s the one to restrain Gimli from running back into the mines, who’s comforting Gimli. + his “don’t carry the weight of the dead” line to Frodo. and just. ARGH im gnawing on things abt Sean Bean’s acting in the Osgiliath flashback.

the bowed head as he steels himself to face Denethor, “the victory belongs to Faramir also” + the encouraging little nod, the disbelieving shake of his head at Denethor’s “I know his uses and they are few” ITS SO!!!!!!!!!! like he is absolutely playing a part. Boromir, Golden Son of Gondor is absolutely an act put on for his father’s sake. and i just. dude I feel so normal abt the fact Boromir rocks up to Rivendell in EXTRAVAGANT clothing for a nation constantly at war, neighboring the source of all fucking evil. he has silver stars on his gambeson, a garment nobody will EVER fucking see!!!! all this finery and he’s wearing vambraces his baby brother 110% gave him. and he’s using the under-layer which he has No Reason to use bc he’s not an archer (except sentimentality. bc that’s the way Faramir wears HIS, bc he IS an archer.)

the very core of him is caring and I get so. skfhshhfhd I’ve blocked two ppl in the boromir tag for being like “I don’t like him” ok for one worstie why the fuck are you posting this IN HIS TAG then????? and for two what do you MEANNNNNNNN you don’t like him????????? “he’s morally grey” “he’s a villain” did we READ the same BOOKS?????? watch the same films??????? he’s a MAN. he’s a man who loves SO MUCH that this ring, which is so evil literally fucking everybody with even an ounce of power + real understanding is scared to touch it, can ONLY corrupt his love and even then only for a moment. he is a TRAGIC character because he is a good man!!! and even good men when driven to extremes of desperation can do things they regret. external influence and evil magic bullshit or not Boromir was at his breaking point mentally and saw one path forward and regretted it instantly!!!!! I can’t stand Boromir slander I will key your fucking car over Boromir slander.

also this is silly but I was talking w a beloved friend abt how everyone gets their autism from their dad. and Faramir absolutely got his autism from Boromir. undiagnosed KING we stan a legend who managed to fly completely under the radar for Weird but can talk at length for hours about obscure battles and legendary warriors if u get him started. also he has to leave the room if he smells eggs cooking and he makes his bed/packs his bedroll Perfectly every morning so his routine always Starts The Same, but that’s fine :) that’s just Boromir for ya :)

Faramir bemoaning the fact he got all the verbal + sensory issues meanwhile Boromir got Encyclopedic Knowledge Of Obscure Military Facts and Stubborn About Routine (“I MUST blow my horn every time I leave on a quest bc I REFUSE to set out like a thief in the night. now we can sneak around tho!” <- he is so fucking silly I love him)

[angevon]

Games I beat 2024 - 6

FFXIV: Dawntrail

In a nutshell: I did not enjoy this. 

I’ll put my comments in a read more, but it won't be super in-depth. Most of what I didn't enjoy has been explained and discussed thoroughly by other people. 

So here I’ll add my own personal complaints which I didn’t see as often when I googled “does dawntrail get better reddit” for validation when suffering through the story.

My first and admittedly rather minor complaint is that they decided to give each fantasy race yet another fantasy name. The catgirls aren’t just miqote anymore, now they’re Homosaro or something, and bunnies are now Setsuna or hell if I know. It’s already hard enough trying to keep them all straight when many were given off-brand versions in Shadowbringers, so why do it again? I get that they’re going for ~cultural differences~ but this is way more annoying than immersive. 

With that out of the way, the main glaring problem with Dawntrail is the poor pacing. We go to a new area, we talk to the npcs to find out what’s going on. Rinse and repeat (and don't forget to tag the aetheryte!). This isn’t unexpected, but it’s made worse by the formulaic cutscene direction. 

You know what I mean. 

“Cut to a close up of character 1’s face. Wait 3 seconds. Character 1 nods. Cut to close up of character 2’s face. Wait 3 seconds. Character 2 also nods. Cut to your character. Your character punches their right fist into their left hand. Zoom out. Character 1 walks off screen. 3 seconds later, character 2 follows. 3 seconds later, you follow and the scene fades.” The flow of most cutscenes are aggravatingly slow-paced. I know they’ve got engine limitations that restrict them from being particularly action packed, but more and more I’m starting to think it’s just an excuse for laziness. 

Additionally, there was more than one occasion when the entire point of a cutscene was just to recap everything that literally just happened. Like, I know what happened, I was there! It happened 5 minutes ago! Why are you telling me this? I can excuse this in patch content when there’s months between story beats, but not in a fully released expansion. 

(It reminds me of ff5, when Galuf suddenly declares “I remember!” and then the flashback cutscene it shows is when cid (?) was slapping him, a scene which happened very shortly beforehand. I remember laughing my butt off as a kid because it was so funny to me. Great memory Galuf, good job! You’re not senile yet, definitely.)

I think the game would greatly be improved from shorter cutscenes without all this … weird pausing as we look at a character just to watch them nod. It ruins the flow of the scene and makes it all so boring. They need to find better ways to end cutscenes than showing people walking off scene. They ought to add more emotes and reactions. I’m quite tired of seeing Wuk Lamat do the Arthur fist meme, and seeing Alphi put his hand under (but not touching) his chin. In some ways it’s hilarious that they haven’t added any new emotes for the npcs to use, but in other ways it’s just sad and lazy. It makes the game feel both cheap and dated.

I should get this out of the way too: for the record, I found the first half of Endwalker a frustrating experience for similar reasons. I didn’t want to explore yet another snow region, and the Garlemald-focused story was made extra depressing just to bash into your head that war sucks. Then EW takes a huge swerve back into fantasy, and that’s when I found it a lot more enjoyable. Definitely a ymmv thing, of course.

Now, Dawntrail tries to follow the same formula, but just doesn’t manage the “enjoyable” aspect. I think, in fact, it’s too similar to Endwalker and feels like a retread. Immediately when I first saw the queen of sci fi land, I said to myself “here’s the final boss” because she’s basically Meteon. And I wasn’t wrong and they never tried to hide it either.

We have the running gag of Atlus Girls but it seems like Square Enix has the same sort of thing going on……

Another thing they retread is taking time to teach us where the food comes from. Seriously, is someone on the writing team a horticulturist or something? We had a lengthy segment in EW with the Loporits and here there’s a(n admittedly much shorter—but still there!) quest to teach us how they grow food in the electric field. It had no bearing on the story in this case, just there to… pad the game time I guess. Or world build but I honestly couldn’t give a crap at that point 😂 I want to know where the big bad is! but no you gotta slow down the story by telling me how to grow fantasy potatoes, go off I guess.

Which leads me to my other problem. Throughout the story I had major questions that the story either never addressed, or if they did address it, it was too late to be satisfying. For example, as soon as the queen of sci fi land (I refuse to call it Alexandria lmao) shows us that souls are being used as currency, I’m like “where do the souls come from”. And literally NOBODY in our group thought to ask this most basic and obvious question. It was so frustrating!!!! Turns out they were saving this info for a Big Reveal but by that time I was already grinding my teeth so much from how slow and boring all these filler cutscenes were, its impact was absolutely wasted. 

And the biggest question I have: who is Zuraal Ja’s mom? And who was Gulool Ja’s mom? Both questions were never addressed. Anything would’ve been better than what we got, which as far as was revealed in the main story: nothing. Never mentioned. Never named. Leaves me wondering if Mamool Ja reproduce asexually??? But Bakool Ja Ja had a mom, we even met her… so… ??? 

I mean this is absolutely the first question I would’ve asked! “We think Zuraal Ja is this kid's dad, just look at him it’s obvious” ok then who laid the egg? Heck, do mamool ja lay eggs…? I don’t know! They never said! 

I’m sure I have more complaints but tbh it’s been a month since I beat it and a lot of the specifics have faded in my memory. I don’t have the energy to comment on the ff9 aspects but ff9 was never my favorite anyway so you can just imagine I wasn’t impressed 😂

[atinymonster]

jessi showterview with ateez

ateez 9th member.

ateez on jessi’s showterview.

➴ taglist: @banhmi07, @jiyeons-closet, @mochibabycakes, @marsophilia​, @studioreader​, @dkdlwhs12​, @jaembluey​, @atzaria​, @skzfairies​, @starlightjoong, @bbanghoonie

➴ masterlist

please, jiyu already lost it at the beginning when they did their intro at least six times 😭

not at them eventually jumbling their sentences together and going “%&$@*&%*($*—”

while jessi was going through the others for their individual introductions, she literally started coming up with her’s on the spot 💀

when jessi pressed her name tag, she did a forward hair toss before coming back up, waving, and going “hello, i’m ateez’s female member, jiyu!” in a very elegant and chic tone

jessi: “wait, do that again! that was very pretty!”

and she proceeded to hit jiyu’s name tag at two more times just to see jiyu’s pink hair effortlessly flip (and of course to see her elegancy)

poor girl was getting a headache from tossing her head back and forth too much continuously—

wooyoung: “wait sorry, do it one more time! i wasn’t looking!” 🤪

jiyu: “wooyoung, wait til we get back home...”

please, when mingi said they should press jessi’s button even though she had no “button”

the camera panned to jiyu looking so disappointed as the others pounced on him 😭

jiyu: 🤦🏼‍♀️ “i thought i taught mingi some manners...”

they asked jessi to guess the oldest and the youngest member

and jessi was debating that either jongho or jiyu was the youngest 😭

jessi: “okay okay...i think jiyu’s the youngest”

jiyu perked up at her correct answer before nodding and clapping like a happy child 🥺

please jessi was so shocked because where was that elegant girl from the introduction????

jessi: “a-are you the same person??”

seonghwa: “even we sometimes still get surprised, too”

and when jiyu guessed hongjoong to be the next youngest after jiyu and jongho

jiyu snorted so loud 

jiyu and mingi: “hongjoong-ah!”

hongjoong: “do you both want to die?” 😀

jiyu: “love you!” 😚

when jiyu asked how old jiyu was, she had a sudden flashback to when hueningkai and taehyun revealed their ages—

seonghwa: “she was born in 02—″

jessi: 2002?! OHMYGOD CAN I TALK TO HER??”

jiyu: “b-but i want to talk to you” 🥺🥺

and who can say no when she asks like that :((

that mini yaja time, she literally made it her mission to NOT say a single word because...it was jessi...

jessi: “yah, jiyu hasn’t said a single word yet!”

jiyu: *aggressively shakes her head*

wooyoung: “just try it jiyu! it gets fun after a while!”

jiyu: you went into this without hesitation, of course you’re gonna say it’s fun!”

jessi: “so she can speak informally to her members, but she can’t with me??” 

please she was so conflicted even though she literally got the green light from everyone on set 🤧

jiyu: “this is peer pressure!”

she eventually gave in and called jessi “hyunju-ah” and she immediately cringed and hid behind seonghwa

jiyu: “i’m sorry!” 😖

caption: another polite member ^^

jessi was so soft for her and the boys 🥺

no you don’t understand how much she started laughing when hongjoong started showing off his scalp 😭😭😭

but of course, she couldn’t miss an opportunity to (lovingly) flame their leader

jiyu: “he washed his scalp extra last night to prepare for this moment” 🥴

hongjoong: “jiyu-ah...” 😀💢

jessi was openly praising her for her visuals when she got to the younger girl (queen 😎)

jessi: “WOW, you’re so pretty, i mean it! you’re a visual, right?”

jiyu: “officially, yes i am” 😎 pls that little jab to seonghwa 😭 ateez’s savage queen 

jessi: “jiyu-ah, do you have a boyfriend?” 😏

jiyu: “yes i do!” 😄✨💞

jessi: "oh right, you do...”

her hidden talent was twisting her arm 180 degrees because she has ✨jelly bones✨

please, jessi was so shocked 😭

when they played the expression game, she was the person at the end that had to guess the expression

jiyu: “i have our brain cells, i think i should go last”

*cue the staff members laughing at her maknae energy*

please when she watched wooyoung demonstrate what he saw from seonghwa she just started laughing out of disbelief because what was he doing??? 😭

jessi: “take a guess, jiyu!”

jiyu: 😳 “b-bravado??”

please, she knew she was straight up wrong but she really had no idea what to say

when yunho demonstrated what he did, she was still lost 😭

the editors did her so dirty because they inserted a flashback of her saying “i have our brain cells, i should go last” 😭😭😭

jiyu: “how was that thrilled?!”

died when they had to play the game where they recreate positions that were shown to them

for the first one, she sat at the top since she was the lightest member

jiyu: “woo, if you fall, i fall, so don’t fall”

wooyoung: *struggling* “i’m trying but can we hurry up?!!!”

good news, they succeeded :D

bad news is that wooyoung still fell and jiyu fell forward along with him and she had to make sure she didn’t step on or crush his head 😭😭😭

PLEASE WHEN SHE SAW THE WHEEL ONE—

WAR FLASHBACKS TO WHEN THEY WERE FILMING ATEEZ WANTED AND THEY HAD TO TRY AND RECREATE THAT EXACT POSE BUT FAILED EVERY TIME

but the way she, yeosang, and hongjoong just stood there unbothered while everyone else was struggling will forever be a meme 😭

but they succeeded this time so improvement! :D

they got to promote deja vu and eternal sunshine :D

their switch from deja vu and eternal sunshine will always be iconic ✨

jiyu charismatically winking at jessi during her part in deja vu will be ingrained in atiny’s minds because

how to be jessi or jiyu??? 😌

but jiyu really had a lot of fun filming for showterview!

it didn’t even feel like a shoot at times with how casual and carefree the vibes were

she definitely wants to come back again in the future 👀

[ckret2]

Do you have any headcanons about the Hazbin's (minus Charlie) lives back when they were alive?

I scrolled through all 42 pages of the hazbin tag on my blog and literally every one of my premortem headcanons are about Alastor and Sir Pentious lmfao

So sure! Want an entire novella about my headcanons for Sir Pentious's backstory?

For Alastor, I can offer:

a traumatic toddler experience

his mother observing him with ghosts as a child

Alastor working with demons (funny)

Alastor working with demons (creepy)

Alastor and his asexuality/aromanticism (mostly postmortem but it has some premortem flashbacks)

Alastor with friends in the 20s trying to explain he does not get horny

a fic that didn't ACTUALLY happen but that demonstrates my headcanons for how he works with demons

And moving away from fics and on to tumblr posts!

For Alastor:

Alastor fought in World War I

another WWI post

headcanon about how he died (I've since changed my headcanon—hunting accident rather than manhunt—but the position's the same)

excerpt from one of the fics above about Alastor's first kiss

early headcanoning on Alastor's relationship with the queer community in life

Alastor saw but didn't learn the lindy hop in life

Alastor's accent makes people (in this case Sir Pentious) think that he's upper class when actually he's just had theater training

Alastor's family tree comes from a mix of socioeconomic backgrounds and before he died he achieved fame but not fortune

Alastor does not feel broken/insecure due to being ace/aro and never has

what people in Louisiana thought of Alastor as a radio host

what did Alastor look like (and Sir Pent)

Alastor only saw 10% of the Golden Age Of Radio and that's fucked up

fun fact when Alastor was on air radio stations weren't "just news" or "just (one genre of) music," a single station would play music and news and soap operas and sports etc

random links of queer history, 1920s gay culture, slang, and NOLA history

Alastor's mother grew up while Sir Pentious was menacing the US and she has very vivid memories of living in fear of him, and also she doesn't know her son is a cannibalistic murderer

Alastor wore glasses in life and only switched to a monocle in death

Alastor was never identified as a serial killer and there's probably unsolved true crime documentaries made about his killings (and these documentaries unknowingly use a recording of the killer's real voice, a clip from a news broadcast where Alastor read about the killings on air)

check out how hyped this newspaper in the 20s was for radio like goddamn

Alastor listened to radio all day every day

more 1920s research links

very loose overview of New Orleans race relations 1890-1920

how NOT to write about Voodoo

reminder that "alastor did magic in life" is a headcanon until we SEE him using magic before he died—also "Voodoo" is a religion not a magic power

how Alastor avoided getting caught as a serial killer

I doubt Alastor was famous enough for queer historians to have discovered he existed, only niche radio broadcast historians know about him

Alastor was raised to be courteous to (respectable) women, but not to genuinely see them as equals in a modern sense

1920s hair facts and headcanons on Alastor's hair

scene from one of the above fics of baby Alastor being haunted as shit

Alastor is a hedonistic thrill killer not a mission-oriented killer

his killing method was shooting from a distance, like hunting game

Alastor was kinda psychic in life and his psychicness interacted with radio signals

this includes developing a hella accurate sense of time

Alastor's always been hella into Mardi Gras

here he is in a ridiculous Cajun Mardi Gras costume

how the Great Depression probably affected Alastor

Alastor feels 0% empathy for other people but 500% empathy for fictional characters in musicals

For Sir Pentious:

he was so infamous that today he's a common character used in historical fiction in the same way that Victorian-era historical fiction commonly uses Queen Victoria as a character

(and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle references him in a Sherlock story)

(and he really did call himself Sir Pentious in life)

(and every character who lived after him had to study him in school, including Vaggie writing a paper about him and Alastor was cast as him in a school play)

(and now let's talk about historians dying and meeting the people they studied in Hell)

he has a son who's probably now in heaven

Sir Pent is trans

no seriously he has a son

Sir Pent has a chain of deadnames he used before settling on "Sir Pentious" and all of them are snake puns

one of Sir Pent's chosen names

based on Victorian sexual mores Sir Pent probably got kinda homoerotic with some dudes

this is just big Trans Sir Pent energy

what did Sir Pent look like (and Alastor)

I don't think Sir Pent used a wheelchair in life (but do think he had to for a while after he died)

Sir Pent is Pussyeating World Champ no I do not accept arguments

Sir Pent and his wife were very loving until his wife went "nope, you're planning world conquest, that's too evil for me"

he rigged his clothes to self-combust so he could choose death if he was ever on the verge of capture

his wife was named Helena and here's why

this is his self-destruct binder/corset

the one headcanon everyone shares

Sir Pent ain't Jack the Ripper

And there's a ton more headcanons on @dontasktheradiodemon my Alastor ask/RP blog but listen, I just went through 42 pages of one tag and it's 3 a.m., I'm not going to comb my roleplay blog for every premortem headcanon I've ever mentioned about him over there. It includes stuff like "he did deliberately shitty horoscope readings on air" and "the first time he summoned a demon he was on the Western Front and also coming down with Spanish flu so he's not sure how much of the ensuing chaos was real vs fevered hallucinations or how much was the Germans' fault vs the imp's" and "he lived a few years in New York and did drag."

These are not the only headcanons I have. These are just the headcanons I've been asked about or made time to type down. (And not counting all my postmortem headcanons. Or the premortem headcanons sprinkled into postmortem fics.) Feel free to ask me for more. Ideally with a topic you'd like to hear about; otherwise asking me "do you have any headcanons?" is like walking into a library and asking "do you have any books?" Gimme a section to start with.

[faeodum]

okay i just saw love and thunder and i need to get some things out. spoilers alert yk the drill

first of all i’ve said this in the tags a couple reblogs back but MY GOD don’t go see this movie if you want to see an action movie or worst a serious movie. this is not what this is. idk about you, but when i’m considering paying 15 bucks to see a movie i kinda want to know what i need to be looking forward to and L&T gave exactly what it said: an unserious, ridiculous, weird, corny ass lovecom that will allow you to turn your brain off for a little less than two hours and have fun

literally they described the plot as “imagine if you put a bunch of kids in the writers room, asked what they wanted to see in a thor movie, and then said yes to everything” and that’s what we got! why are you having a fit on twitter!!!!!!

ANYWAYS besides that it was really fun!! the room i was in was very open to the corny kiwi humor, everyone was laughing the whole time and even when it got cringey it was more funny than annoying and we all had a great time (im thinking of the “fake bad acting” choice in the directing but again i’m familiar with taika’s work so it didn’t bother me but some might find it upsetting)

AGAINNN its not the height of cinema and its not supposed to be. would i have liked more character development for val? yes absolutely this was my main hope so im a bit disappointed. but also i understand that there are more thor movies coming up and this one was about thor and jane and bringing closure to what we knew had been a serious/long-term relationship that just?? ended off screen suddenly. so i am hoping val is getting that next time and im not too worried about it

though you can’t take this away from waititi: the movie was really fucking pretty (yes ik a few wonky green screens but even actively looking for them i barely noticed besides the War Baby Flashback)

like hello the second face-off with the villain was insane???? christian bale is a crazy talented actor and i loved the video game-ish vibes it had (although ik my friend was kinda put off by it) but it was actually one of my favorite scenes

actually yk what the thematic of love was refreshing as hell… the fact that the antagonist had it against selfish and unresponsive gods rang with me and it was nice to see thor acknowledging that although he had very much been like that, he’s working on himself to be better

choosing to admit you’re defeated and just choose to pass ur last moment with your loved ones rather than fighting a loosing battle? how the movie treats important and heavy themes such as a loved one fighting a deadly illness, wanting the best for them and yet NEVER making choices for them… choosing love over hate always

again some people have HATED the last scene but guys? although i was not expecting it, it actually makes sm sense for thor. all he’s ever wanted was to take care of smn/someone, but the position he was given (crown prince then king) was just too much pressure on him and he just knew too well how utterly unfit he was for the job, and well although he could have grown into it, it was just not in the cards for him with the whole thanos disaster/ensuing depression

with this new development, he gets that AND stops this long cycle of loneliness and self-doubt he’s had going on for literal years. here he can’t doubt that he’s loved and needed, cause he now has a literal child in his custody that very definitely both loves and needs him and he CANNOT doubt that and thats so good for him and his confidence i think. also that single interaction was so fucking cute and natural are you kidding me??????

bonus points for the fact that it also allows him to grieve in a more healthy way because again, he can’t take care of a kid if he can’t take care of himself. no more brusso brothers alcoholism bs we’re in a healthy household now!

we knew it but val’s sexuality was confirmed and so were gay rock dads (squared)!!! and it felt damn good since last time we got that was with phastos which made me tear up a bit in eternals lmao

still laughing thinking about the gd goats

THIS WAS A MOVIE FOR KIDS!!!!! and that was so wholesome. yeah it’s a movie for kids and by kids too since the actors’ kids were all included both in the writing and monsters designing process (and featured in the movie too!) and i think it’s great that little kids out there can watch this movie and go huh i too can be a hero! it’s alright if i’m scared and it’s normal but i can do anything! and thats what heroes comics are about babeyyyy

might be repeating myself here but gd yall threw a fit because marvel was boring and yall wanted smn different and now you’re like “TOO DIFFERENT TOO DIFFERENT!!!” like pls go touch some grass its a fucking marvel movie it couldn’t be LESS deep

if, again, the movie was all about lame jokes, when it got to heavy scenes it did it very well. a few people got choked up during the final showdown and the scene just before it. and i think it takes talent to have people switch from hilarity to sad tears so organically

unfortunately the after credits scenes did not do it for me. although the prospect of bringing in greek mythology is cool ig, after seeing so many cool looking gods in that one scene i was like 1) zeus could have stayed dead actually 2) hercules is not the most exciting option but again? benefit of the doubt…lets see whats gonna happen…… also pretty sure the second post-cred was just waititi being like ‘aw fuck they killed heimdall? >:(( fuck that hey idris mate get ur ass on set’ bc it served nothing lmao but hey! not complaining about seeing heimdall one last time!

anyways yes thats about it for now!!! might add some later if something comes to mind but otherwise i’ll resume this with: if you have two hours and 10 bucks to kill, go switch off ur brain and watch thor love and thunder

[moviesstoriesandbooks]

Thoughts on Not me episode 4

1) i think i saw few people being very uninterested in the series , complaining that the progression is slow , the main couple is boring etc etc etc. Stop watching , or maybe stop whining out loud.

2) the gas cannister. It brought back memories when the entire world was fighting the pandemic and thai people were out protesting for their freedom. Of course they had to be prepared.

3) gram really is the coolest character. He strutting up to law school with platinum blonde hair (?) with best mate who's kinda the head of the biker vigilante gang that he's part of, cracking jokes with his trans ex gf who he broke up coz he's in love with another man , prefers when men make effort with their looks like hair and likes his men to smell nice and always willing to help out his buddies and... He didn't assault black. Nop. I refuse to jump into assumptions.

4) is the truck driver sean's dad? Is that what the nightmare is about? His dad isn't the drug dealer it's tawi?

5) white. I know you're preoccupied with a gazillion problems but wake up and smell the jacuzzi. Todd is literally the posterchild of the opposite team .

6) that's👊🏽 literally🤛🏽your🤜🏽 brother's 🤜🏽ex. STOP🤦🏾‍♀️KISSING🤦🏽‍♀️HER🤦🏾‍♀️!!!! I get that choices were limited. Atleast he tried to get her to stop by getting her drunk. 🥲 I can't believe this is what I've become.

7) i thought he'd use facial recognition to unlock the phone and read the entire text

8)" the media won't act as our mouthpiece" war flashbacks to certain ✨tings✨🤓☺️

9) gumpa keep training them I'd like to see more of offgun training together pls

10) yok is in ❤️lurvvvvv❤️

11) i can't believe that he drew yok in his artwork , waited there till yok came running, then RAN AWAYYYY when he actually saw him. Their fics are gonna have so much 'idiots in love' tags , coz of course , they don't even realise that they're in love. From the previews it looks like my boi yok is gonna kiss dan when the building behind them might be going up in flames.

12) the dance? The lecture? The crocodile round table conference? 🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽

13) also i thought even in last episode there were dom/sub undertones but this time it's like it's intentional. Also throws light on how different white is as a person from black.

14) also I'm a say this here and then shut up. All we know about black is how he fights for equality and justice in the society but that does NOT make him a good person to be romantically involved with. What if gram and eugene met up to discuss how black played with both of them? What if black and gram were already a thing before black got injured? What if the reason gram isn't bringing it up is because he thinks black disappeared for days coz of him ? that black doesn't want whatever it was there between them to continue but didn't have ways to tell his feeling out loud, so gram just decided to be the grown up and just shut up about their "mistake"? It's purely a headcanon and that's just what i think. Maybe i should write a fic(I won't)

15) so when he isn't drunk , he's rough? And white is gentle even when he isn't drunk? What are supposed to do with this information?

Every Sunday I'm scared that I'll wake up to the news that they won't air the show again. Please God let it air without any sort of hiccups . I sometimes think the people who look down on bls might just throw haughty looks on not me for it's ambition and it's strong political stances. But that's all the more reason i want the show to succeed , atleast fully air. 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽

[damnlance]

Number 3 for the klnace prompts please 🥺

Klangst Prompt #3:

“Can you please just.. hold me..?”

Summary: Lance has been having a hard time accepting his altean marks. Luckily, Keith arrives and is there to help him.

-

It’s been two years. two whole years since the war ended and the paladins made it back home to earth. two whole years since their lions took off in the middle of the night and never came back. and two whole years since Allura..

Since Allura died sacrificed herself to save the universe.

It would be an understatement to say that everyone came back home fine, because that was not the case. Coming back home meant bringing along nightmares that kept you up all night, unwanted, out-of-the-blue flashbacks in the middle of the day, jumping out of your skin at any sound louder than a whisper, and much more. So, so much more.

For Lance, coming back home meant he could be with his family again, but leaving Allura behind was never part of the plan.

And Lance is reminded of her every single time he looks into the mirror.

It’s a blessing and a curse. A blessing because at least he has a little part of her that he can see and touch and feel. But a curse because the part of her that he can see and touch and feel.. isn’t her.

He’s gotten used to his Altean markings since Allura gave them to him but even after two years, it’s still hard. Sometimes he goes an entire day without noticing them, forgetting they’re even there on his cheeks. But one tiny hint of emotion and boom.

They’re glowing.

Most of the time it's just a dim glow, a grayish light blue that’s only visible from his peripheral view. But on certain occasions, when he’s really up in his head and he can’t come down, they’re bright. They’re bright and buzzing and loud and blinding right there on his face for the entire world to see.

It’s rare, though.

And in the few times that it's happened, Lance always has the same feeling deep down in the trenches of his gut, with the same question burning in the back of his mind.

“Why me?”

For the longest time after the war, he shut everyone out. He hated being the center of attention, hated having all eyes on him, everyone looking at him like he was some fragile vase and if you said one thing that might trigger him, he’d break into a thousand pieces. He especially hated when his friends and family stopped looking him in the eyes when they spoke to him, their eyes glued to his markings which had them apologizing right after when he caught them, pushing him to continue with whatever he was saying.

It was too much..

He stopped going out in public or where there were people, and eventually locked himself in his room at all times. But he knew that that was a bad thing to do. Because it was just him all alone. Him and his markings. And that always made the thoughts in his mind and the feelings in the gut of his stomach come back to the surface of his health and spin him completely out of control.

Lance felt like he was on autopilot. He tried everything to cover his markings; hats, sunglasses, makeup, even stickers from his niece and nephew’s sticker books. It still did nothing to hide the fact that they were actually there.

And when times got drastic, he tried to take them off of his face. Literally.

When his family began to notice his distant behavior, they didn’t question it or push him to talk. They could never know what he went through in space, or how deeply he cared for Allura. But one family member in particular was really worried.

Veronica. She could read him like the back of her hand and when the other members of his family were too scared to confront the former Paladin, not knowing how he would react, Veronica stepped up to the plate.

She tried her best to be subtle and at first it worked. Her checking on him by helping him around the farm instead of being at work on the Atlas, tending to his every need when he asked, even guilt tripping him to going out to the store only to conveniently run into Hunk or Pidge or Shiro. And Lance knew all her little games of course, he just.. didn’t care.

So Veronica decided to call a distant friend.

That distant friend being the one person who knows Lance almost as well as she does.

The one and only Keith Kogane.

She called him in confidence and they talked a couple of times here and there. About the universe, his job with The Blade, and importantly, about Lance and his well-being. And it’s not like Veronica didn’t try to contact any of Lance’s other friends like Hunk, Pidge, or Shiro. She did. And he found out when they took him out for bowling and laser tag and he overheard them talking about it.

Yeah, let’s just say his marks were really glowing that night he confronted her about meddling in his life again.

But Keith was different. He was special. Veronica knew how strongly Lance felt about him and after a couple of different attempts to get Lance out of his room, or to talk about what was going on, she had no choice but to bring in the big guns.

Aka Keith.

It wasn’t easy, begging asking Keith to fly back to earth and take some time away from working with The Blade to comfort his sad friend who he hasn’t seen or talked to in months. But who else could get inside of Lance’s head like Keith?

So they made a plan. Keith would arrive back on Earth in two weeks on the Saturday before the McClain family dinner they have every Sunday night. And to make sure things wouldn't be too weird or staged, Veronica would also invite Hunk, Shiro and Curtis, and Pidge and Matt as well. It would be great for everyone to be together again anyway.

Saturday Evening.

The day was winding down to something calm and peaceful. Lance decided to get up and spend his day tending to the farm. He cleaned out the barn, fed the chickens, gathered some eggs, milked Kaltenecker and even gave her a nice bath. His family was gone, out for the day running errands, and the quiet wasn’t too loud or suffocating for once. It was surprisingly nice. After the chores were finished, Lance plucked some fresh juniberry flowers for the vase in his room and headed back up the hill to his home.

What he was expecting to see is maybe his family’s truck parked over by the big oak tree just outside his house.

But what he got instead, was a cruiser.

A galra cruiser.

And leaning against said galra cruiser with his arms crossed and a warm smile on his face is the one and only Keith Kogane.

Lance stops breathing as he stares at his old friend. He can’t believe Keith is even here right now, standing 50 feet away. Is this some kind of trick of the sunset? Lance rubs his eyes. Nope. It’s real. A small smile graces Lance’s lips as he takes a deep breath and makes his way over.

As he gets closer, Keith pushes himself off of the cruiser to meet Lance halfway. “Hey there, sharpshooter,” are the first words out of his mouth, his deep voice sending a chill down Lance’s spine.

“K-Keith,” Lance sputters, confusion and excitement pouring through his voice. They’re bodies meet together in a big, warm hug that has the hairs on Lance’s arms standing on end. Keith hugs him like he hasn’t seen him in a long time. And he hasn't. It’s been six and a half months since they last saw each other, or even spoke. Things with The Blade have been so busy that Keith rarely gets a chance to stop by to say hello or even stay a few nights. Of course, communication works both ways and Lance has spoken to him. He’s written Keith a letter for every other day. Yep. They’re all underneath his pillow in his room, ready to be opened and read by Keith eyes. That’s besides the point, he just can’t believe that Keith is HERE!

Lance pulls away, confusion still plastered on his face. Keith pats his shoulder and smiles that genuine, beautiful, once in a full moon smile that has Lance’s heart hammering inside his chest.

“Surprised?” Keith asks, folding his arms over his chest.

Lance reaches out and punches the half galran in his left pec, sending him stumbling back a bit. “Hell yeah I am, dude! W-what are you doing here!?”

“What,” Keith’s smile doesn’t falter as he shrugs. “Can’t a guy come back to earth to see his friends once in a while?”

Lance scoffs. “Uh, once in a while would be like every other week, not six and a half months!”

Keith’s eyes widen. “Shit, has it been that long??”

“Yeah, man.” Lance nods, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean, I would know.. been subconsciously counting down the days or.. w-whatever..” A light blush decorates his cheeks and ears as Keith continues to stare at him. Then, he smiles again and weakly punches Lance’s arm. Lance takes a good look at him; tall, muscular, visible stubble decorating his chin and upper lip, dark hair pulled back into a messy ponytail that reaches his shoulder blades. He looks.. good.

“Why don’t we catch up then?” Keith asks with a softness in his voice that has Lance’s already hammering heart going haywire.

“S-sure thing.” Lance can barely meet Keith’s violet eyes as they begin their ascend up the hill to Lance’s home.

They talk on the porch swing until the sun goes down and the bright stars in the sky come up. Keith tells Lance all about how he and The Blade are doing amazing at fulfilling their mission as a humanitarian relief organization and all the planets they’ve helped. Lance listens thoroughly as Keith goes on and on, something about the way Keith’s eyes shine as he talks about his adventures up in space with his mother and Kolivan. It’s almost enough to lull Lance to sleep but he wouldn’t dare miss a second of Keith’s stories. After a while, Lance offers Keith some sandwiches and a few beers, to which he happily accepts, and they eat together in a nice comfortable silence.

“So,” Keith says after a small sip of his beer, “Enough about me. What’s been going on with you?”

Lance picks at his half eaten sandwich and shrugs. “Nothing as amazing as what you’re doing, that’s for sure.”

“Ah, come on,” Keith nudges him gently, “Tell me all about what’s been going on around here? The juniberry’s are looking nice.” He gestures to the open field and Lance exhales a small chuckle.

“Thanks.. I mean, I’ve been.. a-alright..”

Keith studies his face with a slight frown but doesn’t move to say anything as he senses Lance isn’t finished.

“But..” Lance lets out a sigh and rubs the back of his neck. A cool night breeze runs through his hair and he shivers a bit before turning his body to Keith.

“Yeah?” Keith answers, mirroring Lance’s body language.

“It’s been..” Lance stares at his sandwich, “Hard. Still.. like everywhere I look, I expect her to be there but.. she isn’t.. and I feel so..”

Keith watches as Lance sits there, looking down at his hands. He clenches them into fists and then..

He laughs.

A shaky, breathy laugh that has Keith confused as to what is funny.

Lance sniffs and then looks up to meet Keith’s eyes, shaking his head.

“I’m good, man.” He says instead. But the wavering in his voice says otherwise. Keith bites his bottom lip and tries to think of a way to say what he wants without it coming out as something that could push Lance away. Then he remembers all of the stuff Veronica told him about Lance’s health and mental state. Keith does a once over to really look at Lance this time, under the dim porch light. He looks like how Veronica says he might be feeling. Sad. Tired. Lonely. Although he does look good, the chores and things needed to be done around the farm toning up his physique, Keith finally sees the wear and tear the after effects of war has put him through. And it’s not much different than how Keith looks. Or Shiro. Or Hunk or Pidge and even Matt and Coran.

Keith ponders this for a while and then lets out a small breath. “Lance?” He says, voice soft and full of compassion.

Lance looks up and meets him, his hard gaze searching for something in Keith’s irises. Keith smiles shyly and reaches out to grab a hold of Lance’s slender hands. Lance looks down at their hands, studying their similarities and their differences. Keith’s got giant hands that are paler in comparison, but just as callous as Lance’s. They bring him a weird sense of comfort and as he looks up to meet Keith’s eyes once more, tears fill his own.

Panic rises in Keith’s features and he holds Lance’s hands tighter. “Hey, hey,” he says, “W-What's wrong??”

“Nothing, nothing,” Lance shakes his head, exhaling another laugh. “It’s just..” He sniffs, trying his hardest to blink away his tears. “You.”

“Me??” Keith shakes his head. “What did I-”

“You being here,” Lance cuts him off, looking up to stare into Keith’s eyes. “I’m really happy.. happiest I’ve been in a while.. I know that things got super busy and we have our own lives now, but I’m sorry that we kinda.. fell off. I’ve missed you. I do.. miss you.”

Keith’s pulse jumps as his ears eat Lance’s words, syllable by syllable. Those watery blue eyes are boring into Keith so hard, Keith feels like he could sink into them and would be totally okay with it. So he reaches forward and cups Lance’s cheek, moving closer to his face. He presses his forehead to Lance’s and very quietly breathes-

“I’ve missed you too, Lance,” He smiles, “So much. I think of you everyday and the one thing that keeps me going is you.”

“What, little ole’ me?” Lance says in a horrible southern accent that has the both of them giggling. Keith nods and rubs his thumb over Lance’s Altean mark.

“All of you,” Keith whispers, leaning forward to place a small, chaste kiss to Lance’s mark. It has Lance blushing like crazy and his Altean markings glowing bright between them. His emotions get the better of him and he lets his tears fall down his cheeks as he nuzzles his forehead against Keith’s, swallowing a sob threatening to pour out of his throat.

“Can you please just.. hold me..?” Lance asks, watery eyes locked with Keith’s.

And Keith damn near melts. “Of course.” He answers as Lance moves closer to his opened arms. He lays his head on Keith’s shoulder, slotting it perfectly in the junction of where Keith’s shoulder and neck meet, and sighs blissfully.

“I’m so tired.” He whispers.

“Sleep, Lance,” Keith whispers back, kissing his head. “Sleep.”

Lance nods, closing his eyes. “Guess this means you’re staying for dinner tomorrow night?”

“Don’t forget breakfast and lunch, too,” Keith says, leaning over to place a chaste kiss on Lance's temple. “If you’ll have me.”

“I would love that.” And when Lance finally drifts off to a peaceful sleep, his eyes catch sight of the light that bounces off of his cheeks. It’ll take a while but for tonight, he doesn’t mind the bright, buzzing, tingling feeling of his Altean markings. Not anymore.

-END-

(send me a klangst prompt!)

[kshira]

hq boys & dates :･ﾟ

+ atsumu miya, yu nishinoya, koshi sugawara & kōtarō bokuto

ღ ◟ t/w| cursing

atsumu miya → laser tag

-he takes his dates with you seriously, and has them planned months beforehand.

-has countdown apps telling him the months, weeks, days and even seconds left before his dates with you.

-on this particular date, he’s banging at your door at six am pulling you from bed “babe get up, yer gonna be late for our date!!”

-“atsumu the place doesn’t even open till noon, my god.”

-he wants to get there first, at six am.

-while you two are waiting for the door to open he’s yanking you through it, again he’s very serious

-atsumu is competitive so you know what’s going to happen next

-vietnam war flashbacks start, and you can see him in the back just hopping around sniping literal children

-at one point he’s army crawling on the dirty ass ground, and you just look down and you’re like “dude you have candy stuck to you.”

-he gets super confused and thinks he’s on the losing team, so the circus music that plays in his head on loop has intensified and he starts yelling at you “to get your shit together”

-once the victory has been set atsumu puts his super sweaty arm around your shoulder “let’s do this again, it was fun!”

-“yes atsumu it was fun, let’s ignore the crying children in the background and panic workers wondering why there are holes in the wall and get ice cream”

yu nishinoya → playground

-his dates are always sporadic, he always calls when you’ve just got home and about to relax and then he’s calling you while he’s outside of your house asking you if you want to go to a playground.

-while he’s pulling up he hasn’t even put the car in park before he’s hauling ass to the swings, you have to just kinda reach over and yank it in park

-*cue to him eating shit on the way to the swings, and just kinda brushes hisself off and continues on*

-he’s gonna swing as high as he can before jumping off and landing that jump and honestly it was amazing

-you can’t keep your eyes on him because the man stays on one thing for five seconds before he’s on to the next

-last thing is the monkey bars, yes those monkey bars

-he jumps up on them and starts doing flips and shit (honestly i’ve never played on monkey bars so just bare with me)

-he’s going to be showing off before he just flips off of it and doesn’t move so you run over to him in panic because he’s lying still and groaning

-“oh my god, noya are you okay? bones!! oh my god i see bones!”

-he’s pulling out his wallet and you’re like oh thank god his information and insurance

-ha sike, he pulls out a stamped card with holes punched in it “it’ll be my fifth ER visit so this one is free, ready for our next adventure??”

koshi sugawara → putt-putt

-he probably saw it on the internet a day before and it was bring one person the other is free.

- i just see him as a money saver. but like in a sexy way.

-he’s very professional about this, so you get your own club and no sharing also you’re going to be completely quiet while he hits this signature suga hit okay.

-but when you hit?

-oh, he’s ripping you the entire time, “honey i know you can hit better than that!” and the famous “well if you insist let me show you how to do it”

-he’ll wrap his arms around you and put his mouth close to your ear and whisper sweet little praises while he shows you how to properly hit it

-but it goes like two feet

-and he’s going to count that as a hit

-he’s lowkey pissing you off with his counts that you are fucking up so bad

-so now you’re on the last hole and you’re like you know what fuck it and you yeet that motherfucker

-and it’s going to go in for a ball in one!

-yeah no, it ricochet right for his face

-“oh honey i guess that’s one hit!” you say dropping the mic club.

kotaro bokuto → axe throwing

-he calls you that night and casually brings it up

-“me and you? with objects that can kill me? and you’re going to be throwing them? oh my god this is a dream come true bokuto.”

-no but really he comes picks you up and he’s so excited

-you two get there and he is amazed to have the axe in his hand

-you’ve thrown multiple and he’s still staring down at it in awe

-when he finally throws it, you just flinch at the soul crunching sound it makes

-but honestly he’s really good

-okay except for the one he did with his eye closed and the workers had to pull it from the ceiling

-he is the hype train with you

-every throw you make whether it’s good or bad he’s yelling “that’s my girl! everybody stop what you’re doing and watch this beautiful women throw this!” and you’re like “bokuto stop” but really feed me more

-he’ll watch you so intensely every time you throw it and his eyes gleam so bright when you turn to him after you threw it

-he gets a little cocky at the end though and you have to stop him from throwing with both hands

-“come on bokuto let’s go get food now” you tell him while you two are about to get in his car

-“is that an axe?? did you take that with you??” you yell at him while he’s swishing it around the air about to get in the car

-“well yeah duh, i got to have a souvenir for our awesome date.” he says grinning while driving away from the place and steering with axe in hand

[thismoleculeisacomedian]

WWI and PTSD in “Downton Abbey”

PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) is portrayed in some way for each character in DA who served during World War I. I’m going to break down each character’s mental status portrayal. (See tags for content warnings before proceeding; we’re talking about WWI here, so be forewarned: it is grim.)

Mr. Lang:

Here was the most obvious portrayal of PTSD, or shell-shock as it was known in this time period, as it was actually named as such. (Shell-shock, of course; it was not known as PTSD yet, nor would it be until after the Vietnam War.) Mr. Lang is not someone we see prior to the war/his military service, but can still certainly see the impact on his mental state. He had the following: flashbacks, night terrors, startle responses, moments where he seemed to hear artillery fire and other war noises, short attention span, feeling of being profoundly different from those around him, panic attacks....I felt so bad for him. If someone has incapacitating panic attacks and breaks with reality, they should be in a hospital. He was very sick. He is portrayed in a sensitive way, and gets some degree of compassion from the other characters (even Mr. Carson who isn’t...usually very sympathetic to anyone). It also showed his helplessness to handle his mental illness, which is the most accurate thing it could have done: no one can ‘fix’ themselves all by themselves, but the stigma around PTSD/mental illness at the time period meant that most of those people had to suffer in silence in a way that no one should have had to. The people around him respond in ways that often betray their discomfort, which likely stemmed from lack of understanding. 

Matthew: 

Matthew had one of the more subtle portrayals of PTSD among these characters; he didn’t convey a great deal of fear in battle or immediately after; however, those who know the signs and symptoms of PTSD know that the brief moments when he goes silent, and appears almost frozen with memory, that is a sign that he may be having slight episodes of dissociation. The cessation of sound and appearance of him being almost not in himself is a trademark sign of dissociation, or ‘floating above it’ as people often describe this sensation. There are times when it seems that he is the stereotypical war hero who is never thrown by the horrors, and who carries on as before, but anyone who can spot the subtler signs of PTSD can probably pick up on the fact that although he is alright, he is not okay.

Thomas:

Thomas, it conveyed had PTSD through both his actions, and through some stylistic techniques. Like Matthew, it conveys that he dissociated when the man he was trying to get to safety bleeds out in front of him and, more jarringly, his comrade gets abruptly shot through the head, within seconds of each other. Thomas was the character with whom we saw the most sudden, horrific kind of death that was characteristic of the western front. This makes sense, as he was a medic, and thus probably more than anyone else would probably feel responsible for the wellbeing of those around him. It’s easy to imagine that he felt a specific kind of guilt as a result; the guilt of perhaps feeling he’d failed those he was supposed to help. His trauma is also portrayed through his actions: namely, the blind fear of death (”when will my luck run out?”) and also likely exhaustion being why he intentionally got himself shot. (That scene...God. I felt a literal chill go down my neck as I imagined the blind terror that would be both behind and a result of such an awful choice.) He didn’t want to die, but he easily could have, but more than that: he needed to get out before his mind was totally gone. He must have seen many, many soldiers with PTSD and may have been self-aware enough to know that he wasn’t far behind them, and just needed to get out. (To put some things in perspective here: the average tour of duty modern day is ~12 months because you literally cannot ask more of a human being. Thomas had been in the Somme for somewhere between 24 and 30 months.)

Edward Courtenay:

It never expressly says he had PTSD, but rather that his blindness as a result of a gas attack at (I assume?) the Somme was the root cause of his depression and ultimately committing suicide. 

Mrs. Patmore’s nephew:

Archie is never an on-screen character, but he is referenced throughout the season and then later on in the series with the war memorial. Mrs. Patmore was clearly (understandably) destroyed by the news that Archie was essentially executed by his fellow soldiers for ‘cowardice’ which we are meant to take means mental illness. (It was usually associated with a certain action, like running away or intentional injury, but really, nobody does those things when they aren’t, as Mrs. Patmore said, “out of their minds with fear”.) So Archie is treated as a sympathetic character by the narrative, and by Mrs. Patmore and the one person she felt was trustworthy in context, Mr. Lang. (Later on, however, Mr. Carson makes a snippy comment about how it would be insulting to the ones who “did their duty” to remember him along with them, though he fortunately gets upstaged by Robert when Robert gets a war memorial for him out of kindness to Mrs. Patmore.) Overall, he is remember by the characters in a way that was deservedly very sympathetic, though it shows how unfair the wider world was at the time.

In short: it shows why people born from 1885-1900 were referred to as the “Lost Generation”. 

[bonesliketambourines]

fic: chemical reaction, flashback to your bed

so. SO. i am really, really bad at writing stuff like this. really all you need to know that today is the wonderful, stunning, gorgeous, incredible @shealwaysreads‘ birthday (at least, it still is in the US!). if you have ever talked to her, you know that she is a warm, welcoming presence in our fandom, who has a kind word for everyone and everything and goes out of her way to support and encourage everybody she speaks to.

she ALSO happens to have written literally quite possibly my favorite fic of 2020, so if you haven’t gone over and read this, what on earth are you waiting for???

bella, anything i write for you will fall far short of what you deserve, but please know that it was done with love.

thanks to @tackytigerfic and @maesterchill for the beta and encouragement; truly, i don’t know what i’d do without my little crew.

Summary: Draco and Harry hooked up. Draco stopped talking to Harry. Harry’s feelings got hurt, but he did his best to move on.

That might have been the end of this particular story, except then everyone who’s ever spoken out against Draco’s freedom after the War starts dropping dead, one by one.

Harry never thought he would have to see Draco again. Unfortunately, with Draco’s name at the top of the suspect list, he can’t put it off any longer...

Tags: auror harry, alchemist draco, breakups and makeups, malevolently sentient spell accidents.

Excerpt:

“What—” Draco interjects, furrowing his brows. “Why. Harry, come on. I understand that you’re still upset with me, but really, is it necessary to—”

“I would appreciate it if we could keep the discussion to the matter at hand,” Harry interrupts icily. He’s barely hanging on to control of his emotions—his magic is buzzing under his skin—and he’s drawing on the formality of a by-the-book Auror interview to keep himself together.

He knew it would be hard, if he ever saw Draco again. He had no idea.

read it here on Ao3!

[peeterparkr]

perfidy;tom holland|10

chapter 10: the prop

enemies to lovers au/enemies with benefits

chapter summary: the yellow flowers 

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings:  swearing, angst, didn’t proof read, flashbacks in italics

word count: 7.5k

here’s a playlist

social media before you read (IMPORTANT FOR THE CHAPTER) :  tweets, instagrams and texts:

previous chapter  next chapter  series masterlist  wanna be tagged?

:)

Third time's the charm. At least that’s what Tom had taught you over the course of the years. Except of course, it wasn’t as charming. 

It was funny, how Timothee had shown you the importance of props, but how you had learned about them throughout your whole relationship with Tom. 

Props, scenes and dialogues. Tom had taught you the importance of character development because hell, had he made you develop after the last time he’d broken your heart. 

You had read somewhere that a heartbreak could be physically felt, you hadn’t really believed it until that particular third time. You had felt how your chest hurt, crushing. Literal pain had come across your entire body. You had forgotten how to breathe and everything had gone blurry. 

You believed it now, heartbreaks can be felt. You took it into account for your script. A mental note. You didn’t know if it was more as a reminder for yourself. 

Three mental notes. 

Heartbreaks can be felt.

Don’t fall back in love with him. 

Having your heart broken by Tom had been the worst experience of your life and you didn’t want to go there again. 

The number three was important. Three had been a constant in your relationship. Before all of this mess,  of course. There were many three times but there were particular ones that couldn’t be exactly forgotten. 

Three times had he gone on a date with you. 

Three times had he kissed you. 

Three times had he cooked for you.

Three times had he held your hand.

Three times had he danced with you. 

And three times had Tom given you yellow flowers to apologize.

The third time, it was all ruined. The particular combination of three of the past mentioned had caused the piercing in your heart and your incurable character development. 

Most of them really. Everything was probably a combination leading to your heartbreak. 

Like when he held your hand. The first time, you had been children. And it had been sweet. You remembered it, perfectly. You had been at a wedding, a friend of your mom and his was getting married. Well, you didn’t particularly remember it, but there’s probably a video of it. With you and your pink dress and the flowers on your head. 

It had been short after Tom had given you the first yellow flowers, apologizing for being an asshole from a very short age. 

Yes, the first yellow flowers had been after you had pathetically tried to make him kiss you with that stupid movie scene you’d written. After he’d call you stupid and said he’d rather eat a frog than kiss you. 

Shortly after that you were at a wedding, for the first time he held your hand because he wanted to. 

It had been first at the church, he had been watching you, and he had blushed. And slowly he had held your hand. 

And that led to the party, when he hadn’t stopped holding your hand, and he had taken you to the dance floor. As if trying to forget that probably a week before he had pushed you in the hallway at school. Very complicated. 

Of course, after that Tom had then smeared cake on your face. You couldn’t expect any less. But it had been slightly nice. 

Tom and you had kissed 3 times. The first had been your very first kiss, the second at a party, you were 17. Just after the second time you’ve ever danced with Tom, after he’d taken you to prom. An after party where alcohol was all you needed. Of course you were not in your best state, your feelings for Tom had resurfaced, because he had been an angel for taking you just after your stupid boyfriend had dumped you. There you were, both drunk enough and smittened enough, and that damned Louis guy. You hated him because thanks to him, Tom and you had ended up kissing, fervently and passionately. Or that’s how your friends had described it. 

There was a video of that. And it was buried deep in your files, but you didn’t want to think about it. Not that you had filmed it on purpose. Someone on Snapchat had been filming the party and they had captured the fact moment you’d kissed. It wasn’t pretty. 

You remembered it, it went something like—“Prom was boring and oh—shit, oh shit, shit, shit, y/n and Tom are kissing. Fucking hell!” 

Not. Pretty. 

But the third time you’ve ever kissed… that had been even more complicated. 

Because what had led to the third kiss was very complicated. Two dates. And the last time you’d danced. The third time Tom had taken you out on a date, and it had all gone to shit. Because the third time you’ve ever kissed, you’ve ever danced and you’ve ever dated lead to the third yellow flowers.

Tom had given you pastel each time to apologize but the yellow flowers meant it was his idea. Pastel colored flowers meant it was coming from Harry, but yellow flowers meant it came from Tom. 

He had given you flowers many times, yellow flowers. But only three times had he given you yellow flowers to apologize. The first time you’d thrown them away. The second time, you’d given them back and the third time…. well. 

It had been three years before all of, on the night you’d met Timmy, but six months before dating Timmy. 

But the context was far beyond that. It all came back to the prank wars, held a year before the incident. In which Tom and you had pulled pranks on each other. Some very elaborate, some simple ones. Like that time you changed his shampoo with condensed milk. That had been fun. Or when he had hidden all your spoons, one by one.

Simple pranks, at the beginning. Nothing too hurtful. But things got way out of hand. So you stopped it. 

But of course, you both ended up living on the edge. And at some point, it got slightly forgotten. 

You were going to be studying abroad for the summer,  Centro Sperimentale di Cinematografia, the place that would coincidentally be the reason as to why you ended up talking to Timmy more and more after you’d met. But that’s another story. 

Tom had left either for a press tour or filming. You didn’t remember. But somehow, he ended up in Italy too, and so he decided to join you. You both had agreed on clubbing together, and somehow that led to the very next day deciding to go out together, dinner. Nothing too special. But he had ended up in your dorm room helping you with your homework. You stayed up late, laughing at dumb shit till sunrise. 

You didn’t know what exactly had led to that, but being alone and far from home had made you both be decent. A little bit more decent than usual. Your head on his shoulder, and his hand brushing yours. 

That had been your first date, or so you had thought. You liked to think of it as a date. 

“We should do this more often, hang out, only the two of us,” he had said. “Without having to pretend we hate each other.” 

“I’m not pretending,” you chuckled. 

“Maybe I am,” he said. “But you know what I mean, look, this was nice, wasn’t it?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Should we go for some espressos since we didn’t sleep shit last night.” 

“Maybe.” 

“That’s not a yes.” 

“It isn’t a no either.” 

And you had coffee, but he had to leave. 

Which led to the second date, back in London when the summer had ended and when he was back, for a bit. 

You went to a pub, alone and without telling anyone. You had had fun again, and you had walked around London. That had been the third time he’d held your hand. And the flame had been sparked. 

“I need help believing this is actually happening.” You watched him. 

“Why?” Tom asked. 

“I feel like you poisoned me.” 

He chuckled, “yeah, I thought you had poisoned me, but maybe, you’ve bewitched me in other ways.” 

“Oh I am a witch.” 

“How else would you explain I’ve fallen under your spell.” 

It felt so real, so nice. Just the two of you, walking around London, illuminated by the streetlights, pointing out silly things. Slightly boozed up, but not really. It had been romantic, you remembered as he had walked you to your door and kissed your cheek.

After that you both had been texting every day, and calling each other. No sign of your hatred anymore. Pictures of kisses on cheeks, silly videos. 

And it was nice, and maybe everyone started to notice, because you hadn’t been fighting on one of those family reunions. You had even been sitting together. 

“You and Tom are finally friends?” Sam asked. 

You had only looked at Tom and smiled slightly. “Yeah. I guess.” 

“Since when?” Harry chuckled. 

“We saw each other back when I was back at Rome,” you explained. “It’s nice not to be fighting.” 

It took you only two… dates, now you refused to call them that, but it took you no time to fall in love with him. So deeply. And it felt like listening to your favorite song, or like watching your favorite movie. 

Because you’d continue to hang out, not dates really. Only hanging out. Like that one time he only showed up at your door with some pizza and just watched you finish a project. Or that time when he asked you to come over while he was reading a script and you played with his hair. 

It had been nice, all a secret. Nobody knew. A perfect secret. 

Until it really wasn’t. 

Tom and you had gone out again, first for dinner and then he’d taken you to a club, you’d be dancing. 

That was the third time Tom had ever kissed you, and that was the third time Tom had ever danced with you, and the third time he’d ever taken you out alone, on a sorta type of date. 

Of course, it had been romantic and perfect and nice. And he had laughed and kissed you again. And you had been dancing, even if you were a terrible dancer, and even if you barely knew what was going on. 

Of course, that’s when it all went to shit. 

Because little did you know that the night would turn to be shittiest day of your life. 

Somehow, Harry, Sam, Haz, Tuwaine and some other friends had gone to the same club. That’s when things had started going all downhill. 

Of course when they’d seen you they’d come quickly and Tom had turned cold, and walked away from you. Which of course had you wondering if anything was wrong. 

“Why didn’t you guys tell us you’d be here?” Harry had asked.

Tom only took a sip of his drink. “Mmh, I did, I did, I thought that’s why you guys were joining us.” 

“You guys hanging out together alone?” Emilia, one of your friends, pointed out. “Sounds sketchy.” 

“Please they’ve been hanging out alone for a while,” Haz laughed. 

“Really?” Harry asked, watching between you and Tom. 

“No,” Tom denied it, as he ordered more alcohol. “No, no.” 

You frowned. “Well—“

“Are you guys dating or something?” Emily pushed. 

Tom frowned. “Please, Emily, as if I would ever date someone like y/n.” 

You stayed quiet. 

“Anyway, we’re here let’s… let’s have fun,” Tom added. 

The night continued and eventually Tom walked away again to get more drinks, you followed after him. 

“Aren’t we going to tell them? I mean they already caught us,” you asked as the loud music could barely even let you hear your own thoughts. The blue lights were dizzying you. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said as he ordered another drink. 

“Tom.” 

“Tell them what? Nothing is happening.” 

You frowned. “Really, nothing?” 

“Why are you acting up?” He frowned. “Just be normal, y/n.” 

“I thought—“

Tom chuckled. “What did you think?” 

Harry joined the two of you. “What was really going on, guys?” 

“Nothing, Harry,” Tom pushed past you, going back to your friends. 

“You guys came here alone?” Harry asked, leaning over to your ear so you could listen to him.

“I—well, kind of?” You gulped. “But—I think I should talk to Tom.” 

Harry frowned. “What’s happening, y/n?” 

You didn’t answer. You didn’t want to talk about it with anyone but Tom. 

But you went back to the group, and danced slightly. You didn’t want to hide anything, you wanted to keep acting like you were before. Your friends could know. It didn’t matter. 

You would sometimes dance closer to Tom and for moments he’d forget everything and smile at you but something had gotten into him and he’d push you away and ignore you. 

A group of other people had approached you and danced with you. And at first it didn’t matter. But you recognized some faces, they went to school with you. 

You remember taking out your phone and dancing close to Tom, but he only pushed your phone away. “Cmon y/n, I don’t want people seeing us together.” 

That’s when you had felt it. Initially. The first pain across your chest.

But if he wanted to play that game, you could play it too, you ignored him and danced with your friends. But then you couldn’t ignore him.

One of the three girls from the other group that had approached you had his hands around Tom. A hint of jealousy could be seen on your face, your stomach jolted and you couldn’t help but clench your jaw. As her delicate fingers were brushing his hair and walking down his chest. As his own hand pulled her hips closer thin as they danced, and as he looked at her and only her. But his eyes went back to you at some point. And he had smirked at you. 

You didn’t understand what was going on. Why was he dancing along with the other girl? He was supposed to be dancing with you. Only hours before his lips were on yours and they’d tasted sweet and they had been soft. And his hands had held you so warmly. 

Why was he now with her? Where had all gone to shit?

The music had calmed down slightly and some of you had sat down, with little miss short pink skirt cheering everything Tom was doing. 

“I seriously thought you guys were on a date,”Emily had pointed out again. 

“Please y/n is too…”he scrunched his nose looking at you. “I’m sorry y/n, you’re going to die alone.” 

You frowned as you stood up, “Tom, can I talk to you?”

“No,” he chuckled as he looked at the pink skirt. “I’m good here.” 

You ignored them as you had gone back to dancing. You joined the group of people who had joined you. 

One of the guys had been watching you, his green eyes staggering you as he smiled at you. His dancing had you entranced, but not entranced enough to forget about Tom. But it was true, you couldn’t get your eyes off of him. 

“You’re—I’ve seen you in my classes,” he whispered in your ear.

“Oh yes, you seem familiar,” you chuckled as you danced. 

“I’m—I’m Tim,” he offered you a hand. So proper. 

You chuckled, shaking it. “Y/N, nice to meet you.” 

But you looked back at Tom, and even though you had seen it coming, that didn’t stop you from breaking. 

You felt like not even the lights had helped you, you felt like there were two single spotlights, one on you as you felt a stab across your chest, and the other one on Tom as he was practically eating the pink skirt up. Her lips were on his. His were on hers. 

The music had stopped. 

Why was he doing this? How had this turned into your worst nightmare? Only hours before he was kissing you. Deeply. Nicely. Not like that. 

Had the kiss been bad? Was it your clothes? Had it been the way you had been too clingy? What had you done wrong? 

You felt like you were going to faint. You had stopped breathing. You had to sit down but not with them. 

“Hey, are you—are you okay?” Tim had asked you, as you were trying to catch your breath. 

“I—I need to sit down,” you said. 

“Oh okay, of course let me—“Tim had led the way to his table,  but your eyes were still glued to Tom and pink skirt. 

“Ah, Hally seems to be having a good time over there with your friend,” Tim pointed out. 

“Huh?”

“Tom right? He is—Tom Holland? Hally, my friend—she’s— she's the one—well, getting friendly with him, and that other girl, that’s Emma the one talking to your friend.” 

“Oh.” You couldn’t talk to him. You felt sick. Your whole body had weakened and you felt a pain in your chest. A stomach ache. A headache. Everything hurt.  

Everything had turned blurry. You barely remembered what was going on, the last thing you remember was seeing him walk out of the place with her. Not you. With her. 

You had reached out for Sam, telling him you didn’t feel well. You guess Sam realized what was going on. He didn’t ask much, only if you wanted him to stay and if you were alright. 

And you had cried yourself to sleep, alone. Because who could you tell? What did you win by telling anyone this? Why did you feel that way? Why had he done it? A million questions had surfaced. 

Where had they gone? Had he planned on doing this?

You hadn’t slept at all. You had skipped breakfast, and lunch. And you hadn’t gone to your class. 

You were supposed to go out with the Holland’s, you didn’t go. 

Someone had knocked at your door, and you didn’t stand up. You were too busy with a spoonful of chocolate icing that you’d saved for a cake. But it seemed more interesting eating it now that you had a million questions and it didn’t involve any cooking. 

They knocked again. 

You stood up and finally opened the door, and you saw him. You could tell he hadn’t slept either, for different reasons than yours, of course. He had that glow everybody talked about. And compared to you and your sweatpants, and your puffy eyes from crying. 

You gave him a glance as you saw yellow flowers in his hands. 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” you said as you tried closing the door but he stopped it. 

“Y/n I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” You crossed your arms.

“For—I don’t know.” 

“You’ve got to be shitting me Tom,” you said as you saw the pathetic excuse of flowers he was holding. “You ended up with another chick on a date? And you think I’m forgiving you with that?”

“Please it wasn’t even a real date.” 

And those words stung, and the headache was back. Had you read all the signs wrong? Had he backed up because you’d been that bad of a date? Had he gotten bored. 

“It wasn’t? It wasn’t?” Was all you could ask. “It was clearly a date Thomas! We’ve been—“

“Oh my god you thought this was real?” Tom chuckled.

You frowned. “What do you mean?”

He threw his head back, and rubbed his eyes. “This was all part of the prank war we’ve got going on I thought you knew—“

Something didn’t add up. “You—this?”

“You’ve got to be shitting me y/n you thought this was real?”

“So what was exactly the prank, Tom?” You couldn’t believe him. Was the prank breaking your heart? He won. He had won. And you thought about it. It didn’t make any sense. 

“You fell for it?” 

“Tom, you’ve got to—But still, prank or not. That was shitty you fucking left me there and—“

Tom sighed as he walked into your apartment. “That was the fucking point, I left you for someone else, that was the prank.” 

“What kind of shitty prank is that?” You yelled at him. “Who the fuck does that?” 

He looked away. “The point was hurting you, I succeeded didn’t I?”

You were hurt. Even more hurt knowing that he had done this on purpose. What he fuck was wrong with him. You headed to the kitchen trying to catch your breath. 

You stayed quiet for a bit, he could’ve grabbed a knife and stabbed you and it would’ve hurt less than this. He didn’t say anything, he was only staring at you. As if he was too proud of himself to admit he was sorry. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You couldn’t believe him. Worst part was you couldn’t even let him you had cried all night, you were so broken-hearted. You couldn’t believe he was doing this. And you didn’t believe him. He couldn’t have possibly planned this. Which made it even worse. Because if he’d seen the chance, it was because he probably didn’t like you the same way and chose instead to use your weaknesses once again against you. 

He sighed as he looked around.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You repeated. 

 “I dunno, thought it would make you laugh and I  didn't know you’d get this mad.” 

You walked away to your couch. 

“You’re an asshole,” you yelled. He followed after you. 

“Y/N, come on I Said I’m sorry—“

You picked up a cushion and threw it ahim. “Oh my god leave, Tom! Get away from me. Leave me alone.” 

He picked up the cushion and walked over. “No, I’m sorry… I’m not… gonna give this back,” he placed the cushion far from you. 

But you threw another cushion at his face as he closed his eyes. 

“Y/N, calm down,”he wanted as he saw you with the pint of chocolate icing and you hugged your third cushion.  He sat across you, and then watched you, carefully. He did seem sorry, but you couldn’t quite believe him. 

You only glared. There wasn’t really anything you could do. He seemed concerned, and conflicted. “Y/N I’m sorry,” his voice was softer as he approached you. 

You stayed quiet again for quite a bit. Your thoughts mapping in your mind. 

“Did you hook up with her?” You asked after a while of silence.

“Yes I did,”he looked away but then scrunched his nose. “But why do you care?” 

You looked away. “I don’t.” But you punched him with the cushion.

“Y/N can you stop—“he frowned. 

You only kept punching him, in all honesty it probably didn’t even hurt him. It was only your way to get out all of the anger. 

“Y/N, are you done, now?” He asked before you threw it back at him. 

“Then why the fuck did you ask me out?” 

How were you supposed to react to this? How the hell were you supposed not to cry when it hurt so much? How were you supposed to keep watching him When you could barely breathe. You couldn’t let him see you cry. 

“Because I thought you knew this was part of the prank war.” 

“How the fuck—“

“Jesus y/n no,” he closed his eyes. “You thought this was real,” he said to himself.

“I didn’t.”

He watched you. “You did.” He stood up and rubbed his face. “Shit, now I do feel like a real bastard. Can you forgive me?”

“No.” 

“Fuck, I bought you yellow flowers,” he said pointing at the flowers he’d left on your kitchen counter. 

You laughed. “Ah that’s it, that’ll mend everything!”

He rubbed his face. “Oh my god y/n this comes back to you being the same damn fool.” 

You stood up. “Excuse me?”

“You really thought I wanted to go out with you?” He watched you. 

Of course everything made sense now. You were very stupid, you were a fucking fool for believing it. “No.”

“You’re still like that little girl thinking I could ever—Oh my god y:n, I thought we’d grown past that crush of yours,” he had changed his voice as he paced around the room. He walked around arrogantly. 

“I don’t have a crush on you,” you snapped as you walked over. “Get out of my life.” 

“Y/N love,” he reached for your hand but you snapped it off. Ldid you really think this would turn out—“

“No, but I can’t believe you’d be such a shitty person to fucking leave me in a place full of strangers and such a shittier person by making a prank that would hurt my feelings, you didnt but I can’t believe you even though of that.” 

He looked away. “I’m very aware I didn’t hurt you. You were doing just fine with those green eyes.” 

You let out a cynical laugh. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you Thomas. Get out of my life I can’t fucking stand you.” 

“Y/N, I’m actually really sorry, can you—“

“No.” 

He looked hurt now. But it seemed different as if he hadn’t meant whatever he’d said before. His eyes begged for forgiveness, but he spoke bullshit. Seconds ago he had been such an arrogant son of a bitch but now his sight was begging you to forgive him. But you knew better. 

He tried taking your hands. “Y/N please—“

“No,” you pushed him away. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you this way.” 

“What way were you trying to hurt me then?” You questioned as you stepped closer, he stepped back. “What the hell were you trying to do?” You walked back to the kitchen and stared at the yellow flowers.

“I—I don’t know,” he admitted. “Please, at least accept the flowers.” 

You turned on the stove, took out your kettle. 

“Y/N,” he sighed watching you. 

“How the fuck did you go from hiding my spoons to wanting to rip my heart off?” You questioned him. “I’m not—I’m such an idiot believing we’d be friends. You’re right, I’m the biggest idiot for forgetting how big of an asshole you actually are.” 

He didn’t say anything, and only pushed the flowers closer to you. 

You stared at them, you grabbed them and started ripping off each and every one of the petals. 

“Y/N—“

You only glared at him. You proceeded to take the kettle out of the fire and then burnt each and everyone of the petals. 

He only watched you, he seemed disappointed. He stayed incredibly quiet. So cold to be watching. 

When you were done, you scattered the ashes and placed them in a bag, and handed them to him. 

“Get out of my life now.” 

Of course you couldn't see yellow flowers from that moment on. And he had left without trying anymore. You had cried for months. Heartbreaks can be felt. 

Something bright had come from that night, however. Timmy. 

From them you had promised yourself you’d never fall for Tom again. You couldn’t. Your heart couldn’t bear it. 

But now, you’d slept three times with him. Something had to go wrong. So there you were wondering what this could go wrong with him this time. What would he pull now? 

Three things you remembered when you woke up. 

Heartbreaks can be felt

Don’t fall back in love with him. 

Having your heart broken by Tom had been the worst experience of your life and you didn’t want to go there again. 

You didn’t remember when you fell asleep. You remembered talking all night long with him, showing him songs and forgetting about the world outside. But your heart ached, making you remember how he could hurt you again. 

Even if you’d woken up in his arms, all cuddled up with clothes on, you knew this was going to go to hell. There was something about spooning with clothes on, somehow it made it more intimate. 

You tried sitting up, as you tried rubbing your sore muscles from sleeping on the floor. Tom tried pulling you back to him, he was still fast asleep. It was pretty early. You reached for your phone, 9 am. You had many notifications, you checked Instagram first, your heart warmed up as you saw the pancakes. You kept going through your phone, ignoring the texts you were getting. 

Your heart ached when you hovered Timmy’s name. 

And it hurt to think that you’d let him go. It hurt to think that your feelings for the dumbass laying down beside you would ruin a relationship so pure. 

Harry had texted you, several times. You finally opened the message to realize that now the Holland twins and now even your brother knew that your car was parked right outside. 

“Shit,” you cursed under your breath, and then pushed Tom. “Tom. Tom! Tom” You shook him. 

He groaned and only pulled you closer. 

“Get off me,” you whispered as you kept shaking him. “Tom wake up!” 

“Y/N,” he complained. “Five minutes more…” he said sleepily. “I’ll kiss you in a bit. Calm down.” 

“What?” You frowned as you kept shaking him. “Get up, loser, we got caught.” 

“Hm?” 

“We got caught! Harry—“

Tom woke up immediately and sat up. “Harry?” 

“Harry saw my car, they’re asking on the group chat and now they’re—“Your phone started to ring. “They’re calling me.” 

“Fuck,” he looked at his phone. “Shit—And we have our breakfast.” 

“What?”

“We were supposed to have breakfast as a family to wish Harry good luck, family things—“Tom Dan a hand through his hair. “Okay—So—“He looked over at you. “We—Okay, we aren’t exactly dressed for—“he looked over at you. “Okay—wow I can see those—“

You covered your chest. 

“Tom.” 

He smirked. “I’m not complaining,” he said, earning a slight punch on his shoulder. 

“What’s the plan?” You asked him. 

“Do you think they would be able to tell? Don’t you have anything magical in your backpack?” 

“Makeup—?” 

“Think makeup will cover up that red gorgeous thing?” Tom teased. 

“Oh my god,” you rolled your eyes, pushing him away. But he shuffled closer, placing his hands on your hips. “Tom, get your hands off me, and figure this out.” 

He sighed. “Fine—I’ll—I’ll go in, and distract them, you’ll sneak to the bathroom and I’ll just—say I invited you for breakfast.” 

“You’re—“You frowned. “Breakfast with your family after hooking up.” 

He laughed, and then kissed your cheek. “Getting coupley are we?” 

“No, go fix this shit.” 

“Fine, I’ll say you came here to say goodbye to Harry.” 

He leaned over for a kiss but you stopped him, placing your hand on his lips. He frowned but kissed your hand anyway. 

“I’ll text you when the coast is cleared, then you’ll sneak” he warned as he carefully climbed down the treehouse. 

You watched him not so sneakily get into the house. You took out your makeup bag to make sure there was no hint in your face that you’d slept with him the night before. You made it as natural as you could, but then you saw it on your neck, a place where Tom had not been able to separate from last night. A bright purple hickey, set on your collarbone. You cursed again and then covered it up. You couldn’t let the Holland’s see this. Not because it involved Tom, thing that you definitely didn’t want them to know. But still, you didn’t want them to know that you weren’t exactly the angel they thought you were. 

You had to close your eyes and take a deep breath. You didn’t know what you had thought the night before. You were going to give in, to what? You’d already slept with him and had breakfast and two a.m. conversations. You took out the Polaroid of Tom and couldn’t help but smile just slightly, but the smile was quickly erased. You couldn’t  go any further than that, you were on the edge now. You were exactly on the point where if you spent 10 more minutes alone with him and his stupid gorgeous face you’d fall. But you couldn’t. You had those 3 mental notes and you didn’t want to go to that place again. But this was the third time you slept together, you expected him to blow it up. What would he do?

But this felt different. And hell, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t addicted to his kiss. But no, this was wrong. You didn’t want to go there. You couldn’t do that to your heart. 

Timmy had texted you again, begging for you guys to talk. He apologized for what he’d done. Hell, hours before you’d kissed Timmy too. It had been a pretty messed up 24 hours. 

You were sick for doing what you’d done. You groaned as you ran a hand through your hair.

Tom texted you to carefully sneak into the bathroom, he had them covered and then he’d give an excuse. 

You managed to walk into the house, but you caught a glimpse of Sam. You weren’t sure if he saw you, but he probably hadn’t. 

Tom texted you again to come out and join them in the kitchen. Of course when you walked out you hadn’t expected to bump into the whole family when you walked into the kitchen. 

“Oh, hi!” And suddenly you were very aware of your outfit. Your pair of sweatpants and white t-shirt was probably not an outfit that you’d be wearing any time. Except of course for a hookup. And it was very awkward seeing the whole family dressed up. 

You only hoped they wouldn’t put two and two together. 

“Y/N love, I’m glad you’re here,” Nikki said. 

Dom smiled at you. 

Sam was too busy making breakfast as you stared at Tom who seemed as nervous as you were. 

“Yeah, I just… came here to say goodbye to Harry,” you grinned, as you looked around, looking for him.

Harry walked behind you and poked your sides, making you jump. 

Harry chuckled. “Didn’t see you come in,” Harry pointed out, as he hugged you. “And I’m just surprised you’re not dressed as any of the characters from the Breakfast Club.” 

You laughed. “I—Uh.” 

“We went for a run,” Tom lied, intruding in. “Uh—well we no, I’m joking no—We were—going to go together to rehearse the—choreography for the movie.” 

“Yeah, we were going to do that, but he suggested we go for a run.” 

“You guys are getting along now?” Nikki chuckled. 

Sam laughed. “Well, Toms paying her to get along.” 

“I—well,” you chuckled. 

Paddy walked into the kitchen. “Hello, y/n!” 

“Hi, Pads.” 

You turned to Harry. “So, you’re done packing? Are you ready?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m—Im ready,” he grinned. 

Tom licked his lips. “Well—you can say bye to Harry and then you’re gone, right? Bye y/n.” 

“Ah, come on,”Dom frowned. “You’re joining us for breakfast.” 

“I thought this was family breakfast,” Tom said. 

“Yeah, yeah,” you gulped. “Yeah, it’s alright I was going to head—“

Nikki glared at her song. “Nonsense, Y/N’s like family, so, you’re staying right?” 

The whole family stared at you. 

“Well… alright?” 

You ended up helping in the kitchen, Tom would smile at you from afar every now and then. But you were talking more to the twins, and remembering old anecdotes. They had you and Tom cutting some fruit, and you were even giggling. Smiling to each other. Too good to be true. 

But every time you felt the butterflying on your stomach, you had to remember last time. But this was different, you weren’t in love with him. Or were you? But the problem was you knew him too well, and now every single damn movement he did would give you thoughts any lady shouldn’t have. His fingers were too interesting for you. 

Of course he noticed, and he hid a snicker as he then smirked at you. 

You had to stop and take a deep breath when his hand had landed on your waist to push you to the side. He only grinned and then headed to the table. 

Sam approached you with a chuckle. “You guys are friends?”

“No,” you cleared your throat. 

Sam laughed staring at you. “If I didn’t know any better—“

“What?” 

“Nothing,” Sam smirked. “Just don’t forget I know both of you, y/n.” 

You frowned as you watched him leave. 

Eventually, you were all sitting down, you didn’t know why or who had changed the sitting arrangement, but Tom and you had ended up on the same side, together. The damn table, two people on each side. And out of everyone you were sitting with Tom. 

They hadn’t pointed it out. 

Your mind was going crazy. You were losing it, as you realized this was the second breakfast you were having with him. This was breaking all the rules. Especially since it involved his family. 

Of course you didn’t expect what Tom was going to end up doing. His hand on your thigh, going up and down. Slowly. Fingers tracing its way, zigzagging up and down. Your eyes only widened as you tried shifting your way away from him. But he only chuckled. 

Of course two could play at that game. Your own hand landed on his thighs, close to his bulge. He only coughed. 

You had to be very sneaky. This was playing with fire. But your hand slowly rubbed his legs. But you had to be very careful. His parents and brothers were there. 

But then he grabbed your hand and then kept holding it, rubbing your hand with gentle circles. You frowned watching him. You didn’t take it away.

 And besides that, it was a lovely breakfast. Very nice conversation. You’d always loved the other Holland’s, excluding Tom of course. 

But he had kept holding your hand. And only flashbacks were hitting you. It was a constant roller coaster of feelings between it making you blush and remembering the horrible experience you’d gone through. 

But this meant something. You hoped. Maybe he was falling for you. Of course you didn’t want to scream victory, but at least you could write about it. 

“So what’s the choreography going?” Asked Nikki. “What’s it like?” 

“It’s… very 80’s,” Tom said, squeezing your hand. 

You cleared your throat trying to pull away but he only squeezed it more and intertwined your fingers. You felt your chest jolt but then gulped. 

“Yeah, very—I heard the director wants all Dirty Dancing kind of stuff,” you added.

“Oh, you should help him out then, y/n!” Sam chuckled. “I know for a fact that you know the whole choreographies in that movie.” 

“Oh no, she knows the high school musical ones,” Harry laughed. “And sadly we know them too because you made us learn it.” 

You grinned. “I’m glad.” 

Somehow they continued complaining about it, and your other shenanigans you’d forced them to do while growing up. 

“So, you guys are leaving too, right? In two weeks?” Asked Dom. 

“Yeah, yeah, New York and Atlanta,” You confirmed. 

“You guys are taking different planes right?” Sam laughed. “I wouldn’t want to be on a plane with two young adults fighting.”

Tom laughed. “We are—friends now.” 

Nikki grinned. “I actually can see that,” she pointed out. “By now you’d probably be stabbing each other with a fork.” 

“Hm, thanks for the idea.” You laughed. 

Tom grinned to himself.

Eventually, it was time for you to leave. They’d be getting Harry to the airport, and Tom asked you for a ride. 

It had been weird saying goodbye to Harry and wishing him good luck when you really had a lot of stuff to talk about with him. It felt weird not being able to talk about it with anyone. You had your own thoughts to yourself. And you had to wish him good luck and you couldn’t really tell him that he had fucked up about Emma. Not that you would tell him anyways. It was weird that you knew you were hiding secrets from him. 

You were driving, and your phone was ringing and ringing. Timmy. 

You ignored it, you couldn’t answer in front of Tom. This was absolutely none of his business. But of course his eyes were glued to your phone. 

He had stayed slightly quiet because you had been quiet. You were debating with yourself really. What would he do this time that he’d end up with more yellow flowers at your door with an empty apology? 

“So—“

You didn’t say anything. 

Tom only kept watching your phone. “Seems like Tim Shampoo really wants to talk to you.” 

“Chalamet,” you corrected him. 

“Champagne showers,  whatever his fancy ass name is,” he rolled his eyes. “He really wants to talk to you.” 

You eyed your phone. “Right.” 

Tom scrunched his lips. “Aaaand he texted you.” 

“Tom leave that alone—“

“Let’s see—He says: that he… is still thinking about that kiss,” his eyes widened. 

You cleared your throat. 

“What kiss?” 

You didn’t answer. 

“Y/N, what kiss?” 

You looked at the road. “Do people not know how to drive?” 

“Y/N. Did you kiss him?” He frowned. 

“None of your business,” you whispered as you tried turning up the music. 

He turned it off. “What?” 

“It’s none of your business,” you pushed. 

He coughed. “But what if I want it to be my business?”

You scowled. “Why would it be?”

Tom clenched his jaw. “Did you kiss him?” 

You had just pulled over at his place. 

“Y/N did you kiss him?” 

“We’re here.” You stopped the car. 

“Did you?” 

And you saw the irony of it. How the tables had been turned? But were they? 

You rolled your eyes. “He kissed me.” 

“When?” 

“After the party.” 

Tom ran a hand through his hair. “And then you called me?”

You shrugged. “Yes. Does it matter?” 

“I dunno,” he snapped. “How would you feel if I had kissed someone else then called you?”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “Disappointed but not surprised, sounds like some kind of shit you’d doze 

Tom only stared at you. “No, y/n… but this, you should tell me that?”

You frowned. “Why?” You questioned him. “We are not friends, we are enemies who happened to be sleeping together.” 

“Well but sleeping with you gives me some rights—“

“What?” You laughed. “What kind of rights? We are not exclusive and it was only a kiss.” 

“But—“Tom gulped. 

“You’re home Tom, get off my car,” you frowned. 

“Okay what the hell is going on here?” He watched you. “you were being nice last night and this morning.” 

“Well, we’re back to being aggressive,” you gulped. You knew you were defensive because you were too scared of Tom being nice and you were too scared of Tom wanting more. “sleeping together doesn’t change the fact that we hate each other.” 

Tom looked away. “It doesn’t huh.” 

“No.” 

Tom watched you. “But don’t you think I deserve to know?”

“Why must you deserve knowing anything about me?” You snapped. “You’re gonna turn it against me anyway,” you sassed. 

He looked hurt. “You really think I’m that kind of person.” 

“I know you’re that kind of person,” you frowned..

He sighed. “Y/n.”

You threw your hands in the air. “I’m just waiting for it, Tom, when is it going to come? What’s the name of this game? What are you going to win?” 

He didn’t say anything. “Y/n.” 

“Seriously, Tom,” you sighed. “Get off my car, I don’t need to have this conversation with you.” 

“I thought we were being nice,” he pointed out. 

“I don’t trust you.” 

He reached out for your hair. “Why are you being so defensive?”

You flicked his hand away. “Really, Tom? You ask that.” 

“Well yes,” he growled. “Just last night we were kind of—having a moment?”

“Exactly and then you’ll turn into the asshole,” you sighed. You looked over at him. “I’m sorry if I can’t trust you. I don’t know why that is, maybe because you’ve proven to me many times how big of an asshole you can be so I’m just waiting for it, what’s it gonna be this time?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Well how do I know that?” You stared at the wheel. “I can’t trust you Tom, I really can’t trust you this time, but expect a text I guess I get bored.” 

“No.” 

You frowned. “No?”

“What if I want this to be different this time?” He sighed. “What if—“

“This time it’s different,” you admitted. “I won’t catch feelings for you.” 

He clenched his jaw. “You’re right, I don’t know why we are having this conversation,” he said. “So, go and sleep with Timmy too if you want. I won’t care,” he said before finally getting out of the car. 

“Fine,” you watched him walk away. 

“Fine,” he yelled back. 

“Fine.”You stared at his house. 

Three times had you slept with him, and you’d been the one to fuck it up this time. 

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[sleeplessincairo]

[ dating bucky barnes would include: ]

warnings: a somewhat vague sexual outline and a few cusses

///

Him walking around with a notebook everywhere. Bucky got the idea from Steve when he saw him writing new things to his modern day to-do-list, so Bucky decided to do the same except fill his notebook up with his old memories instead; anything he could remember from his life before being The Winter Soldier. At first, there were only a few pages filled but as his life starting to include domestic and mundane-as well as a healthy environment-activities, he started having spontaneous and soon-to-be-frequent flashbacks that, later on, contributed to dozens of notebooks filled with not The Winter Soldier, not Prisoner #56898, not White-Wolf, but James Buchanan Barnes.

You never mentioned the notebook to Bucky nor asked to read it-Bucky was a private person, and you understood and respected that-but you still started carrying a pen with you, just in case he ever needed one.

At first, the notebook(s) was/were filled with solely memories of his past-No matter how insignificant. Whether it was that time the toilet got clogged in his shabby little apartment and had to stay with Steve and Sarah Rogers for a week because he couldn't afford a plumber or that time he lost his shoe in bar brawl and some swanky chrome-dome gave him a few bucks to buy some shoes and a sock without a hole in it. He wrote everything his mind could clearly grasp. But as the two of you got closer, he started filling it with memories he had with/of you because-even if he would never admit it-you made him feel right at home.

You may or may not have stolen his dog tags from the Smithsonian museum just as a reminder that even after all the pain, despair, manipulation, and torture he still managed to be the good person he was all those years ago. He was still James Barnes, local heartthrob that volunteered at the soup kitchen during his free time, that fought a war and lost an arm during the process, that dreamt of flying cars and a future without all fights and wars, that had a soft spot for a certain trouble-attracting boy whose heart was too big for his body.

“Jesus doll, I didn’t know I was dating a thief.” “Oh James, I thought you’d already realized that when I stole your heart from right under your nose.”

Bucky’s not big on talking or directly verbally professing his love, but that’s okay; His eyes tell you everything. There was always something about Bucky’s eyes that were so mesmerizing, so captivating, you could instantly tell how he was feeling. Before you, his eyes resembled a pale arctic blue that were as cold as glaciers-His eyes were hollowed and empty, scratched raw from any emotion but your growing presence thawed them out, they warmed through the cold exterior of what was once The Winter Soldier and reminded you that the hottest fires burn blue.

He does, however, reference quite a few interesting slang choices from the 40′s, which is his own little way of demonstrating verbal affection, ranging from calling you ‘Doll’ & ‘Sweetheart’ to calling you ‘The Cat’s Meow’ & ‘Butter and Egg Fly’

He’s never been very invested in hygiene. It never really was something important for him since he was in the Army and BO was a pretty normal thing, and then he became The Winter Soldier and HYDRA never exactly gave him a bathtub-Not that he was in the right mindset to to care about it anyway-So you usually have to remind him to shower everyday-Not that you mind, it would usually end with the both of you showering together and you having the opportunity to wash his hair yourself.

Soon enough, Bucky gets real invested in hygiene, he starts reading about self-care routines, exfoliating, conditioning, and gets completely hooked. Secretly, he does it because he likes the routine, something mundane and fixed to do to keep him busy.

You’re the only one that gets to call him James. Something about the way you say it warms his heart, he’d focus completely on the way your mouth moves as you say it-It reminded him of the way his mother would say his full name before busting his chops about coming home all dirty but then later ruffling his thick hair and offering a plate of strawberry jam sandwhiches, or how the word was always lurking in the dark corners of his mind like the silhouette of a ghost he couldn’t seem to recognize until you brought it to life.

Him always reaching out for your hand when he feels out-of-place, outside, or honestly just all the time because it helps him feel secure and grounded.

Steve third wheeling the both of you all the time. No seriously, literally all the time. He spends more time in the apartment you and Bucky share more than his own to the point where you and Bucky wonder if he actually has one. 

Steve has a key to your place-Even though, the both of you never gave him a key in the first place-and has a habit of interrupting the both of you or walking in on the worst possible moments.

“Hey guys, what are ya doi-Oh...Sorry I didn't know-Buck, you don't need to throw-Jesus, okay, okay I’m going.”

“Who the hell does it look like I’m doing, Steve.”

Bucky being very insecure about his arm, he even refuses to touch you with that arm-Subconsciously, he’s afraid he’ll accidentally hurt you. At first, he only ever wears long-sleeved shirts and a glove even on the hottest days as if he’d somehow forget that there was a metallic limb under all the cotton, but slowly like molasses he starts accepting it. He starts wearing open finger gloves, then discarding the gloves, then wearing 3-quarter sleeves, then short-sleeved shirts, then sleeveless shirts, then finally feeling comfortable enough to take off his shirt in front of you which leads to a night filled with discarded clothing, the sounds of soft murmurs and reassurances, the rolling of each other’s names off each other tongues like a prayer, and the rustling of the blanket against the delicate movement of your intertwined bodies skin-on-skin, skin-on-metal as the both of you unravel thread by thread in each other’s arms.

Truth is, you love his metal arm, you love the way it’s cool against your warm cheek on hot summer nights, you love the splashes of light that kiss it every morning making it sparkle, you love the soft and soothing whirring noises it lets out breaking the silence in your room, you love it because it’s a part of him and God knows how much you love everything about this man.

Despite being the assassin that killed JFK, managed to get away with it, and mind boggle conspiracists for decades he’s a bit clumsy. He has a habit of accidentally breaking things and later on, not telling you about it.

"James Buchanan Barnes, I thought I developed super strength-and even asked Stark to do some tests on me, but apparently you just happened to forget to mention and explain why the fuck doors are falling off their hinges!"

Losing sleep with Bucky. He tends to have very frequent and graphic nightmares which leads to various panic attacks and the inability to sleep, and you're more than happy to stay up with him and comfort him. Sometimes you’d talk while he listened and watched the way your lips moved or the way the pony tail you had gone to bed with loosened and hundreds of strands escaped the grasp of the hair band or the way a yawn would escape your lips and your hand would momentarily rise to cover your mouth but get lazy halfway, other times you’d lay in each other’s arms in complete silence while you traced patterns on his chest and trail kisses across his skin.

You being his anchor. You holding him tightly and assuring him that he’s okay, that you're here, that you're real, that he’s out, that he’s safe, and many other tender 3-worded sentences uttered over and over again like a mantra until he’s murmuring them back into your chest. 

Sometimes, when he has really bad nightmares and panic attacks you grab his notebook and start reading the memories out loud while you lay his head on your lap and run your hand through his hair in a calming manner until he calms down. It soon becomes a regular thing where you read him a memory before he goes to bed like a bedtime story.

Bucky Barnes is a man who was tortured and tormented for years, a man whose life was ripped right from his very arms along with his very own arm, a man who has gone through a long and unforgettable journey where he has learned to cope, grow, accept, and embrace himself and now he’s made it his mission to encourage and help others to do the same, whether they're struggling with their sexuality, amputation, mental illness, gender, or general self-acceptance.

You educated him about women’s rights because things are a lot different then in the 1940s; women are no longer obligated to get married, cater to a man’s every whim, have children, and other traditional gender roles. At first, Bucky’s very confused and doesn't understand why feminism is so important-I mean, lets face it, Bucky was raised in a traditional society and was later on manipulated to being a bloodthirsty assassin and now suddenly, he can think on his own and his life has turned completely upside down from thinking his own thoughts without HYDRA around to thinking past social constructs and norms so its normal for him to be a bit weary. However, you're there to explain thoroughly about how unjust society still is and how women may have won a few battles but still have a war to fight in a society where they are hyper-sexualized, mistreated, and controlled, and Bucky immediately thinks of Peggy Carter and how the men used to catcall her, how they raked her body with inappropriate stares, how she was ignored and seen as a pretty face, and then he finally understands. 

Dozens of articles about mysterious beatings of assaulters around New York.

His metal arm is decorated with dozens of pins, magnets, and stickers of all the movements he supports. Oh man, you should see him during Women’s marches and Pride fairs, considering all the black he usually wears seeing him dressed in bright colors or a pink shirt that says ‘On Wednesdays, we destroy the patriarchy’. It’s a sight that truly belongs in the history books.

Bucky breaking hold of the toxic masculinity he was subjected to in the 1940s and advocating for men to be able to display their God-given emotions freely, to not feel obligated to put on a tough guy front, to telling boys its okay to cry, to feel, to act, to wear, and to be whomever they please to be. 

Bucky visiting youth centers and giving advice and support to the kids there. Every kid he meets reminds him of Steve, whether its in their stubbornness, taste for trouble, lostness, or the glimmer of potential he sees in every single one of them. He remembers every single name of the teenager he meets and later on, uses them as a mantra whenever he’s undergoing a panic or anxiety attack as well as use SHIELD’s equipment to check up on them every once in a while.

Bucky going to children’s hospitals every week to cheer up the little kids there. He ends up being quite the inspiration and their ‘Favorite Superhero’ for the kids with amputations there and they end up being one of the very few people who are allowed to touch his metal arm. Something about the way their eyes shine with hope and their hands melt at the feeling of the metal warms his heart and his insecurities.