#So when I spend an hour just walking back talking to the same 3 npcs

[angevon]

Games I beat 2024 - 6

FFXIV: Dawntrail

In a nutshell: I did not enjoy this. 

I’ll put my comments in a read more, but it won't be super in-depth. Most of what I didn't enjoy has been explained and discussed thoroughly by other people. 

So here I’ll add my own personal complaints which I didn’t see as often when I googled “does dawntrail get better reddit” for validation when suffering through the story.

My first and admittedly rather minor complaint is that they decided to give each fantasy race yet another fantasy name. The catgirls aren’t just miqote anymore, now they’re Homosaro or something, and bunnies are now Setsuna or hell if I know. It’s already hard enough trying to keep them all straight when many were given off-brand versions in Shadowbringers, so why do it again? I get that they’re going for ~cultural differences~ but this is way more annoying than immersive. 

With that out of the way, the main glaring problem with Dawntrail is the poor pacing. We go to a new area, we talk to the npcs to find out what’s going on. Rinse and repeat (and don't forget to tag the aetheryte!). This isn’t unexpected, but it’s made worse by the formulaic cutscene direction. 

You know what I mean. 

“Cut to a close up of character 1’s face. Wait 3 seconds. Character 1 nods. Cut to close up of character 2’s face. Wait 3 seconds. Character 2 also nods. Cut to your character. Your character punches their right fist into their left hand. Zoom out. Character 1 walks off screen. 3 seconds later, character 2 follows. 3 seconds later, you follow and the scene fades.” The flow of most cutscenes are aggravatingly slow-paced. I know they’ve got engine limitations that restrict them from being particularly action packed, but more and more I’m starting to think it’s just an excuse for laziness. 

Additionally, there was more than one occasion when the entire point of a cutscene was just to recap everything that literally just happened. Like, I know what happened, I was there! It happened 5 minutes ago! Why are you telling me this? I can excuse this in patch content when there’s months between story beats, but not in a fully released expansion. 

(It reminds me of ff5, when Galuf suddenly declares “I remember!” and then the flashback cutscene it shows is when cid (?) was slapping him, a scene which happened very shortly beforehand. I remember laughing my butt off as a kid because it was so funny to me. Great memory Galuf, good job! You’re not senile yet, definitely.)

I think the game would greatly be improved from shorter cutscenes without all this … weird pausing as we look at a character just to watch them nod. It ruins the flow of the scene and makes it all so boring. They need to find better ways to end cutscenes than showing people walking off scene. They ought to add more emotes and reactions. I’m quite tired of seeing Wuk Lamat do the Arthur fist meme, and seeing Alphi put his hand under (but not touching) his chin. In some ways it’s hilarious that they haven’t added any new emotes for the npcs to use, but in other ways it’s just sad and lazy. It makes the game feel both cheap and dated.

I should get this out of the way too: for the record, I found the first half of Endwalker a frustrating experience for similar reasons. I didn’t want to explore yet another snow region, and the Garlemald-focused story was made extra depressing just to bash into your head that war sucks. Then EW takes a huge swerve back into fantasy, and that’s when I found it a lot more enjoyable. Definitely a ymmv thing, of course.

Now, Dawntrail tries to follow the same formula, but just doesn’t manage the “enjoyable” aspect. I think, in fact, it’s too similar to Endwalker and feels like a retread. Immediately when I first saw the queen of sci fi land, I said to myself “here’s the final boss” because she’s basically Meteon. And I wasn’t wrong and they never tried to hide it either.

We have the running gag of Atlus Girls but it seems like Square Enix has the same sort of thing going on……

Another thing they retread is taking time to teach us where the food comes from. Seriously, is someone on the writing team a horticulturist or something? We had a lengthy segment in EW with the Loporits and here there’s a(n admittedly much shorter—but still there!) quest to teach us how they grow food in the electric field. It had no bearing on the story in this case, just there to… pad the game time I guess. Or world build but I honestly couldn’t give a crap at that point 😂 I want to know where the big bad is! but no you gotta slow down the story by telling me how to grow fantasy potatoes, go off I guess.

Which leads me to my other problem. Throughout the story I had major questions that the story either never addressed, or if they did address it, it was too late to be satisfying. For example, as soon as the queen of sci fi land (I refuse to call it Alexandria lmao) shows us that souls are being used as currency, I’m like “where do the souls come from”. And literally NOBODY in our group thought to ask this most basic and obvious question. It was so frustrating!!!! Turns out they were saving this info for a Big Reveal but by that time I was already grinding my teeth so much from how slow and boring all these filler cutscenes were, its impact was absolutely wasted. 

And the biggest question I have: who is Zuraal Ja’s mom? And who was Gulool Ja’s mom? Both questions were never addressed. Anything would’ve been better than what we got, which as far as was revealed in the main story: nothing. Never mentioned. Never named. Leaves me wondering if Mamool Ja reproduce asexually??? But Bakool Ja Ja had a mom, we even met her… so… ??? 

I mean this is absolutely the first question I would’ve asked! “We think Zuraal Ja is this kid's dad, just look at him it’s obvious” ok then who laid the egg? Heck, do mamool ja lay eggs…? I don’t know! They never said! 

I’m sure I have more complaints but tbh it’s been a month since I beat it and a lot of the specifics have faded in my memory. I don’t have the energy to comment on the ff9 aspects but ff9 was never my favorite anyway so you can just imagine I wasn’t impressed 😂

[930am]

under the cut for spoilers if u care…

overall i liked it a lot was a great experience and ill definitely play it again im usually a serious side quest completer and i did my best with this game but i think i still missed quite a lot of them haha. surprisingly i built my characters very well for someone who knows nothing about d&d (i thought ranger class meant you had to be an archer when i started…) and nothing was super easy or super difficult at the normal difficulty so well balanced and pretty fun i got really into the fighting by the end which i wasnt expecting

in terms of game mechanics a few things annoyed me a little…

1. this is especially true towards the end game but when youre in a fight with a large number of enemies (like 15-30) you are kinda forced to sit thru each of them taking their turn and at times the AI was a bit slow so it would get to an npc’s turn the npc would stand there doing nothing for 20 seconds then take 20 more seconds to complete their actions. then this times the 20 something other enemies there i really liked the fighting generally but moments like this where you would be waiting 5-10 minutes for your turn again i would get quite bored lol i did 3 word searches while waiting for my turn during the final two fights

2. sometimes you had to talk to people a little too much for example i would get on my computer to play for an hour or two and i would be looking to fight at least a little but sometimes you would not encounter that at all and have to spend your time doing the starting point of questlines where you walk around and speak to randoms for the whole hour u know. could be how i played the game though i like getting thru one area entirely instead of going back and forth between places and especially at the start of act ii and iii the first few hours i would do nothing but walk around and speak to people

3. okay now for my romance hot take: i think it was all too easy and when a game makes things too easy for you i find i like it much less. i did nothing at the start but not be outright rude to all the companions i met on the road but this let me sleep with whoever i wanted which was kinda a letdown because i think you should have to put some work in and at least have to try to flirt with them first!! i was propositioned by four characters in the first act and as i said i was really not going out of my way to romance anyone.

that being said i wish i romanced karlach she was def my fave character and i brought her everywhere and we became besties by the end (and i let her turn into a mind flayer for me and also for herself so she wouldnt die) but the reason i initially didnt is because i met her the same day as the night of the tiefling party and i thought it would be too soon to be doing that but then after i picked someone else she gave the remark everyone else did when i didnt pick them which was ???? ive known you five minutes why do u wanna sleep w me??? but whatever i liked her arc the best i loveeee her voice not sure what kinda british accent it is but its very pleasing to hear and she was always so charming. i ended up romancing astarion but im not sure i would do it again i love vampires ofc but he was kinda annoying me the whole time idk he was too fanfic-y for me. and i let him turn evil but then he got even more annoying so i broke up with him lol his loss

idk i think in rpg games i prefer if u can very briefly flirt with someone not completely get into a committed relationship (or at least have it be much harder than it was here) if u really feel something for some polygons you should have to put some work in yourself to see these kinda results! but thats just me im aware im in the minority of players here

also i finished bg3 last night finally!! my first playthrough took me over 90 hours i will write out my thoughts later

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

Littlewood

[ID: The start screen of the game Littlewood. It shows a scene of the game’s village, restored and with many of the villagers standing on a square. At the bottom are the title of the game as well as a few buttons to play, change options or quit. The game’s artstyle is colorful, low resolution pixel graphics, and the menus are light brown. End ID.]

Well this one isn’t too unknown, but I just finished it and am typing a review for Steam anyway, so... :D

At first glance, one might think it’s similar to Stardew Valley, and of course, as with all those type of sim games, there are some similarities. But, after having finished it, I have to say, it’s not, not really. The goals are just too different.

Most of all, this is not a farming game. It’s a “follow the red line to rebuild a town according to requirements while grinding for money and materials” game.

You meet new people, they move into your town when you build their houses, and along the way you unlock new structures you can upgrade. The world is rather small, your town, a few destinations you can travel to, as well as two randomly generated dungeon maps. Mostly you run around, raise skills and gather materials, to build and upgrade and unlock new stuff.

[ID: The character creation screen. It has the options hair style, hair color, skin tone, outfit and personality. End ID.]

Positive Points

Stress free. There is no time, but every action costs energy. You can walk around, talk to people or decorate for as long as you want each day. Early on, the available energy might seem a bit low for all the things you want to do on a day, but there really is no downside to time passing. Later, you get a tool to have limitless energy.

Character generation is basically hair and clothes, and a way to change them can be unlocked in the game. The only thing you’re stuck with is your name, skin tone, and the town’s name. The personality is, I believe, only used for the town square statue.

I’m not sure it’s even possible to mess up permanently. Resources are technically infinite (if sometimes heavy rng based), and tearing down objects gives the used resources back. I guess you could cook with a rare fruit before you’ve planted it and hate yourself in the following hours until you find it again.

This is very subjective, but I enjoyed the obligatory card mini game very much, once I got the hang of it.

The game’s wiki is perfect, and has all the information you could ever want.

You can shape your town as you want, raising hills or creating lakes and rivers. You need to fulfill the villagers’ requirements, but after unlocking the rewards, you can technically move their houses as well.

[ID: The village as you start out. It’s all empty meadows with sandy paths, hills and a few small lakes. The only building is the player’s house, in front of which the player stands. The NPC Willow is dancing in front of it, happy about the player waking up. End ID.]

Neutral Points

There isn’t really a conclusion to the story. Which is kinda fine, I’m not playing this for the story.

Similarly, the NPC personalities aren’t that deep. Every character has a couple of quirky dialogues, but they repeat constantly, are not subtle at all, and I think even the marriage dialogues are all the same.

I spent the first I don’t know how many hours having to take care what I spend my money on, and it was fine. Then I reached 2-3 milestones pretty quickly and from one moment to the other, money was no problem anymore. Unlocking a vegetable that sells for a nice amount so I could get a few thousand per day - nice. Unlocking selling each cooked dish for 3000 no matter what, so I am swimming in money after a week - meh.

There isn’t that much freedom. Every villager wants exactly one set of furniture, and their house at a certain spot, and exactly one set of objects next to it (as in, right next to it, touching it). You only have room for a set amount of vegetables, fruit trees, animals, namely three of each. In my opinion, it does give the game some structure and a tangible goal, but also lowers the replay value.

If going for achievements, you should start the timegated ones - flower breeding, villager quests) early on.

There’s three save slots, as well as cloud saves.

[ID: The endless forest, a randomly generated area with green grass and lots of pine trees and weeds. The player is talking to a bee monster in a field of yellow and white flowers. The monster, called Beeford, says: Please don’t hurt me... I’m just a low-level bee monster! I don’t drop any rare  items! End ID.]

Negative Points

Oh, the grind. There’s two different kinds: For items, and for achievements.

For items, there are a lot of special items you can get while doing an action. Chop down a tree, have a chance of acorn. Most of those are fine, you can farm them by just doing that action over and over and over. Some are less fine. Super rare, super random, needs a wiki to figure out where they might drop.

I spent a substantial amount of late game time just checking the fully upgraded (and therefore offering any item in the game) merchants each day. That’s not fun gameplay.

There are several achievements that require you to do a huge amount of chopping/mining/fishing etc. The fishing one was the most obnoxious one. It took me half a (real life) day after finishing all the others just running around, fishing each spot dry each day, sleeping, repeat. And I already did do the fishing trip each day way before that, as well as catching every fish I came across in the forest and mine while doing the other ones.

Keybinds cannot be changed. This was the main reason I did not buy it on desktop PC, because I hate that. It also didn’t like my controller/the steam deck much, not being able to move with the d-pad, and not recognizing the x button to turn chairs, but that was easily fixed with the deck’s configuration tool. I am not sure if the windows version has the same issues.

[ID: The same town, much later, in fall with an orange color scheme for grass and trees. Now there’s lots of houses, to both sides of a river, and some on top of the hills. There’s sparkly purple stones on the ground, two birds around a bird bath and a bird house, two cats, a few colorful flowers and more decorations. End ID.]

I bought this with two expectations in mind:

I knew it was grindy, most of the reviews on steam mentioned that. I was actually looking for a game with a bit of grind, to brainlessly play a day or two before bed, making progress without having to think.

I wanted to play it on the deck, where I knew I could rebind my controls.

Considering that, I did get exactly what I wanted. It took me about 50h to 100% the game (well... I got all the achievements, and leveled all the skills up, but didn’t bother maxing all relationships or dating all villagers or beating them in the mini card game.) The game isn’t overly expensive to begin with, but occasionally goes on sale for 20-50% off.

Things I wish I had known before:

All recipes use two ingredients, but you can just slam the bar full and the game will prioritize undiscovered recipes with the ingredients you picked.

There is a stat page in the menu, showing you progress on the “do x” achievements (I forgot, ok).

Anyway, I’ve already written too much, and if you’re into that kind of games, this is a good one.

[ourtimeatportiatogether]

*Tips for beginners of My Time at Portia*

Spend as long as you'd like gathering resources for your future building plans, UNTIL THE SECOND you hand in your Builders License. THAT is when the game “officially” starts and you'll start getting nagged to do people favors and such. Take your time in this moment and stock up. 

Never spend a second doing nothing early in the game (level 1-30 at least)

Always preoccupy yourself by doing whatever relevant activity is nearby where you need to go next.

*********Things To Do When You're a Low Level*********

Gathering* herbs, loose sticks and stones

Kicking trees* (ALWAYS DO THIS WHEN YOU'RE FREE AND A LOW LEVEL)

Mining* small rocks with a beginners pickaxe if you're able to make one yet

Mining medium rocks if you're able to

Chopping* down thin trees and small bushels with a beginners axe

Mine*! and HOARD resources to sell/use for later

Fight Low Level enemies that spawn around Portia / nearby wherever you're traveling from and to.

EXPLORE -!

Play Rock, Paper, Scissors with residents, Spar them, play Cross Five with Isaac in the town Center, go have a late-night talk/walk with Ginger. 

Every day (or night as i should say) some/most of the residents of Portia gather at Peach Plaza / in front of The Commerce Guild at 19:00, if you can, take the time to be there and:

Get to know the residents. If you see someone running past you, talk to them for a second; if even for the relationship points alone. This will also help you decide on prospective Sweethearts you may want to date or eventually marry later on.

Take a couple minutes [in real time] to talk to the residents whenever you can. The game pauses time once you start dialogue with an NPC; you can take your time. However it’s usually as fast and simple as clicking once to initiate the conversation and then the chat icon once more for the relationship point to be given. 

Only one point per person can be given per day. Excluding the points for gifts given on any day as well as gifts given on the particular persons birthday in which you are given bonus relationship points.

Looking for chests (only go out chest hunting first, in places you know you've seen one before and two a safe area you've traveled before and have space in your inventory for 2+ items (best case scenario??) per chest

Be ready to spend a lot of time running around which brings me to

Bring apples with you when you know you are running out of stamina/ going to be or even if you are training a skill. Aroma Apples work as well, but use them wisely as they're harder to come by than regular apples.

(Apples restore STAMINA. Aroma apples restore more than regular apples. ALSO sitting down for hours restores stamina and costs NOTHING early on.) 

Always be building / working on something!

*DONT SPEND A PENNY EARLY ON UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY* Gols are so very hard to come by until you start accepting commissions so do not go to the town and squander any gols early in the game.

At 3 a.m the game will forcibly teleport you back home and into your bed. You will wake up the next day in your home at 7 a.m. Each NIGHT slept in bed is a DAY of gameplay saved.

Very early on, you should be able to build a simple Stone Furnace. Make doubles, triples even. The fuel for these are Wood. Doing this should help boost your productivity in the long run.

If you can’t figure out how to make something I suggest checking your Worktable, or Pa’s Handbook. 

Dont/s:

Don't touch water, AT ALL. You won't die though, so don't worry. Just a minor inconvenience when the game refreshes (from the exact same spot you were in) because your foot touched water.

Don't fight enemies higher than yourself

Don't open all chests at once when you're a beginner, it's easy to run out of space and the item will drop on the ground

***Resources to hoard when you're a low level***

Stone (mining, gathering loose stone)

Soil (mining)

Sand (mining, gathering shells on beaches)

Copper (mining)

Herbs (gathering herbs)

Wood (gathering loose Wood, cutting thin trees)

Apples, APPLES, APPLES (kicking Apple Trees)

Aroma Apples (kicking Apple Trees)

Plant fiber (cutting ground bushels)

Mushrooms (Gathering mushrooms)

Shells (Gathering shells near bodies of water)

Rubber Fruit (kicking trees)

Snake Berries (gathering herbs)

Caterpillars (gathering herbs/tree kicking)

Animal feces (gathering feces)

sounds gross but you can make fertilizer with animal feces which is essential for farming later

Birds Nest (kicking/chopping trees)

To collect the items inside of the nest, “use” the item while it’s in your quickbar. 

It should drop anywhere from 1-3 data discs, tail feathers and eggs

ITEMS TO GATHER FROM LOW LEVEL COMBAT*

Mr ladybugs drop: bug eggs, fiber cloth, mucus, blue scarf

Colorful Llamas drop: worn fur, meat, animal bones, feces

Madcrabs drop: meat and a handful of gols

Snailob drops: meat, shell, lobster meat, mucus

Sea Urchin drops: meat, spines, shell, seaweed

Panbat drops: worn fur, teeth, meat, bat wing

**Illusion bunny (Level 20+): meat, delicate fur, handful of gols

Quick Tip: When you befriend the residents of Portia, on your birthday each year in game they rush over to your house and leave you a gift on your lawn. There is a potential for 40+ gifts to be received by the Builder

[dont-call-me-algernon]

For the Pokemon ask, 1, 5, 9, 11, 19, 22!

1. Who was your first starter pokemon?

Torchic! Which is extra funny considering I have never picked it agai, not even in the remakes, and nowadays my go-to Hoenn starter is mudkip. Also, 11-year-old me with no reliable access to the internet and 0 pokemon knowledge outside from the anime thought there was a “right” choice you could make when the game asked you to select a pokemon to help the professor, so I think I just…picked what I thought was the correct one 😂 I learned about starter pokemon mechanics only waaay later in the game.

5. Favourite region?

Sinnoh, which is very fortunate given how much Sinnoh-based content has come out in the last few months. GameFreak keeping us Sinnoh stans well fed after ignoring us for years lmao

9. Favourite type?

Fire! No rhyme or reason, other than I find myself consistently liking fire-type pokemon designs more and more often than other typings (yes, you can tell I’m a Serious Pokemon Gamer who choses her teams mostly based on looks). I think there’s only just a couple fire-type of evolution lines I outright dislike?? The magmar and tepig lines come to mind.

Dark and Flying are both close seconds, though!

11. List your top 6 pokemon

Boooy this was hard! I’ve had the top 3 figured out for a while, now, but thinking about the lower positions I realised my tastes have changed A LOT, recently, ever since I got back into pokemon games during lockdown.

1. Vulpix/Ninetales

2. Umbreon

3. Flygon

4. Empoleon

5. Porygon 2

6. Breloom

19. Which evil team is your favourite?

As cliché as it sounds, I really like Team Rocket. [insert bad joke about Italians and the mafia here] Kid me found Giovanni extremely intimidating and extremely cool at the same time, and he’s still one of my all-time favourite pokevillains. It probably helps that I’m a fan of crime fiction in general and it’s easy to picture Team Rocket, as opposed to other evil teams, as the main antagonist of a more serious, “adult” pokemon adventure.

22. If you were a gym leader, what would your typing/theme be?

This is so fun! I’ve actually given it some thought before, when a fandom friend and I were talking about what kind of npcs we’d be in a pokemon game and I came up with this:

Fire-type gym leader actually a tired university student working on her degree and battling challengers as a way to clear her head after spending too many hours hunched over textbooks (basically what I’m doing irl, expect instead of pokemon battles I waste time on shiny hunting in pla and aimless walks around the block when the weather allows it😂 ). The gym is styled after a public library and the gym trainers are basically other students and library employees. Also idk why, but there’s something weirdly amusing and pokemon-like about hosting battles with lots of fire type moves in a building full of VERY flammable material.

Btw, thanks for the ask!

[xaidyl]

You could explain individual stuff! I find these explanations very fascinating, actually! OwO

okay! lets do this (this may be a very long post with lots of my random opinions but we’ll go with it) (and also please bear in mind these are jokey and in no real way a representation of these real people with real actual lives.)

***spoilers for most D20 seasons with this cast***

1.The babysitting 

Actual parent:Brennan 

From my experience DMing, you are effectively a parent to the players. He would also be an excellent dad

Wine aunt: Siobhan

Siobhan gives me vibes of someone who would take a bottle of wine to go babysit, then sit and tell the kids stuff about cults that they weren’t meant to hear. She would definitely teach the kids swear words, and they would love their cool auntie 

Great at babysitting: Lou

Part of the key to babysitting is being relatable to the kids, but also self assured enough to get them to behave. the person who holds that key is Lou Wilson. He also has played dad-energy characters, and that is the kind of vibes that you look for in a babysitter. 

Mediocre at babysitting: Murph

This scenario needs some theatre of the mind. Imagine Murph, he’s read all the babysitting books, he knows everything he could need to know, he lives with Emily Axeford. He’s more than prepared for this task. He tries so hard. The kids love him. The kids also walk all over him. They don’t get to bed in time. He wanted to do a good job. He tried so hard to do a good job. Yet somehow, luck is against him. 

The house is on fire, God is dead: Emily

Fig. Sofia. Jet. All three of these characters would set a house on fire without hesitation, and not one fears God. What does this have to do with Emily’s babysitting ability? Well, all these characters are teaching us to be chaotic beings, just like Emily. We are the children, and D20 is our babysitter. Emily would only replicate the same thing in this babysitting scenario. 

The children: Zac and Ally

I believe it was episode 9 of the unsleeping city. Neither Zac nor Ally were involved in the scene in question. Siobhan makes a reference to Eliza Doolittle, to which Zac makes a Dr Doolittle joke. Beardsley then shouts ‘I can see my dick’, a reference to a different film. This is fairly normal behaviour, and would not make either of them children in this scenario, had they not continued to hysterically laugh for the next ten minutes or so. Sat at opposite sides of the table. I think Zac starts crying at some point. They are absolute children, and also both have strong baby energy. Neither babysit, they are the ones that need babysitting. 

2. Can they be killed?

Cannot be killed: Brennan

The man is a God. Enough said. Also I’m pretty sure your body would reject your soul before it allows you to kill him. 

Can only be killed by one thing: Siobhan

You would be tricked into thinking Siobhan would be easy to kill- her constitution score is so low, after all. However, you would be wrong. The low constitution score has only made her stronger. More aware. What is the one thing that can kill her, though? Nobody knows, she’s only told those she truly trusts. It could be the most rare poison in the world. Or it could just be Mike Trapp. He (allegedly) has previous.

Can be killed but it won’t last: Emily

It is not anything to do with Emily that her death won’t last. In fact, Emily would be pretty easy to kill. However, if you kill her, Murph will do everything in his power to bring her back. He travels to the end of the earth, and then Emily Axeford is back and gets her new death date in a fancy gothic necklace.

Can be killed but at what cost?: Lou

What cost? The cost to the world. The world would be significantly worse off. You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself. It’s not worth it.

Can be killed but it’s not worth it: Murph

It’s not worth killing Murph because you would have precisely 0.7 seconds before you were killed by Emily. There is no way you can profit from this scenario, you would be dead before you even realise you’ve been successful. 

Can be killed and it would be pretty funny: Zac

I feel like we don’t discus the correlation between Zac Oyama characters and dying enough. Gorgug was the first D20 death. Lapain was the first D20 perma death. Ricky just like had a weapon that causes him to die. If you killed Zac, it would just be funny because its happened so much. Sorry Zac.

Can be killed but why would you, you monster?!?!: Ally

We’ve already discussed this. Beardsley is Baby. Leave them alone. 

Please kill them they suck: Box of Doom

I dont trust them

3. The fitness gram pacer test

this is definitely the most controversial of the charts, but there’s three of things you need to understand about my reasoning.

1. Zac is fast at running  

This has been seen a couple of times, namely: adventuring party, where Zac tried to tease Brennan about showing off how fast he his at running, but it turns out it was just Zac speaking his mind, and he is the one who always shows off at how fast he is at running. Also, the video on Siobhan’s instagram of Zac jumping over that table. 

He is also very bad a squats. Why would you be bad at squats? Bad knees. Why would you get bad knees? Running without sufficient warm up. Why would you skip warm up? Because you are very focussed on being able to run fast. 

2. Zac is willing to defend his title of running fast

The way he accused Brennan on adventuring party, he knew what he was doing. Sabotage. Brennan may also be able to run fast, but Zac would prevent him from getting a good score. How? He has his ways. Zac is a good boy, but not when it comes to running fast.

3. I felt bad

I had to give Zac at least one good one :)

Anyways onto the other choices:

Actually tried and got a low score: Brennan, Murph, Siobhan

We’ve already spoken about how Zac sabotaged Brennan to be the best at running. Murph is here because he would try really hard but something unlucky would happen. His shoelaces come untied. He accidentally gets caught in the Zac/Brennan feud. 

Siobhan started off with the intention to try, but after Lou, Emily and Ally had all done, she realised they were in fact much more interesting than the fighting going on. She walks out mid lap 

Didn’t try, got a low score, doesn’t give a shit: Lou and Emily

Its important to understand that both Lou and Emily are capable of getting a high score, they are just better than the whole thing. Why is their DnD group doing a pacer test? Why did Zac suspiciously force them to do this whole thing? 

The difference between them is Lou knows the feud is stupid and has like actual work to do? He sits and auditions for some other big film. He still watches over his laptop. 

Emily however, simply wants to watch the world burn.

Despite their different approaches to the situation, they both have a bet going on who’s going to be the fastest runner.

Ran one singular lap and finished: Ally

Ally Beardsley shows up at the track wearing a rainbow bucket hat and a tie dye shirt that is impracticable to run in. They have a llama with them. At no point do they explain this. They walk round the track once, drink their water from a plant pot, then spend the rest of the time cheering on the others with words that don’t quite make sense. 

4. Storming Area 51

They cant stop us all: Zac and Brennan

Neither mean it maliciously, but both believe entirely in what they are saying. 

Brennan is definitely the guy to go mad over a conspiracy theory. He made all the crown of candy NPCs. He is basically betraying himself. He knows not to trust anyone. He doesn’t trust area 51. The next season of dimension 20 is this as a subliminal messages all the way through. 

Zac says it accidentally. He’s making a character for the charity livestream. He’s still got a hundred hours of character making left. He’s done so many bad squats. Unintentionally, he makes a character that forces all the zesbians to storm area 51. 

Have fun getting shot, dumbasses: Lou

The rest of the cast are being weird again. Lou is equally as capable of being weird, but sometimes they need to chill. It starts with Emily talking about diner ice. It finishes with Brennan wearing a foil hat at all times. 

You guys stop, someones actually gonna do it: Murph

Murph is a good, lawful boy.

Actually shows up: Emily and Siobhan

They ride a motorcycle there together. They wouldn’t have gone alone, but as a duo they are an unstoppable pair. Emily wants to break into a government facility. Siobhan desperately want to be in the real life x-files.

One of the Aliens: Ally

Emily and Siobhan open a door at area 51. Behind it is Ally Beardsley. They are wearing a rainbow bucket hat and a tie dye shirt. They have a llama standing behind them. This is not explained at any point. They drink from a flower pot and eat a quesadilla that appears out of nowhere. 

5. Stabbing 

Would never stab anyone: Murph

Murph is a good, lawful boy

Would stab in retaliation: Lou, Murph, Zac

Lets be honest, the entirety of a crown of candy so far has been these three taking stabs (or metaphorical ‘where is your bulb now’ stabs) as retaliation for a stab another one of these three had done.

Yells “I won’t hesitate bitch” first: Ally and Siobhan

I can’t really explain this one much more other than i’m pretty sure both these people have said this phrase at least once in their life.

Would stab as a warning: Emily

This would be promptly followed by Murph getting her to stop stabbing. Or, depending on the situation, encouraging her to keep stabbing.

6. The water fountain

Fills up a bottle and drinks from it: Lou and Siobhan

This is the normal way to drink from the water fountain. They were also both very concerned at watching Beardsley’s various different drinking apparatuses in adventuring party. 

Bought 4 water bottles so this wouldn’t happen: Murph

He is prepared. Something probably still goes wrong, but at least he’s got three water bottles left. 

Drinks straight from the tap: Brennan

Brennan is a busy guy. The tap is there, it’s convenient, he needs to get back to planning. There’s so many campaigns, so many characters, so many voices. 

Dehydrates: Zac

Honestly I’m not sure if this man would drink water if nobody told him so

Drinks from a puddle: Ally

like they drink from a vase with a flower, a puddle really isn’t that much of a stretch.

Licks the tap: Emily

She just wants to see the world burn. Also, she knows Brennan drinks straight from the tap. She has to get payback somehow. 

7. A child starts crying

Makes the child laugh: Lou

We’ve already discussed how Lou has dad energy. I feel like he’s know exactly what to say and how to act to get the child to stop crying. This is less stupid than the rest of my explanations, but I always love how expressive Lou is when he plays dnd. I’m not sure whether its the way he holds himself or the way he gestures, but I’m pretty sure if I was a crying child, I would stop crying if Lou Wilson told me a joke in that very soothing point.

Tries to play with the child: Siobhan and Ally

These two kinda give me older/younger sibling vibes. As a team I recon they could create a game that would calm this child down. Also Ally knows techniques to help adults calm down, they could probably implement these ideas into a game for children.

Gives detailed instructions: Murph

His knowledge comes from the books he has read to learn how to babysit, and the one time he babysat. His explanation is rather frantic however, mostly because he is trying to defend Emily in his answer.

Cries with the child: Zac

He’s sad because all his friends are speaking to this child an nobody noticed how fast he just ran.

He’s also baby, as we’ve said previously, so he probably relates to the child somewhat

The reason the child is crying: Emily and Brennan

The child just watched episode 9 of a crown of candy. 

[celestial-archer]

A Lady’s Tail Chapter 1

First part of the adventures of my oc, Kelpie!

Zoba is from the wonderful @reallifeonthetheseventhfloor (a 10/10 person), check out her writing if you haven’t. Its really good!

AO3

           _________________________________________

The rustling glide of scales on smooth stone echoed through a long cavern. There were several small indents along the wall, leading to adjacent rooms. They were near impossible to find, unless someone knew what to look for. There were trap rooms randomly spread throughout the hall. The remaining rooms each had a different specific purpose, such as being a lab, bedroom, smithery, mine, etc. At the entrance of every room had a hidden alarm system made of a crystal that activated an alarm spell when an unknown entity walked through. 

The rustling stopped as a naga stopped moving and caressed a hand down the nearest wall. Her name was Kelpie. She had short pixie cut black hair, purple eyes with square glasses, and sharp venomous fangs. Her black tail was incredibly long with splatters of purple all over. She wore a  dark grey pinstripe corset. 

This was her base. It wasn’t as grandiose as some she had seen, such as The Great Tomb of Nazarick. Her friend Zoba was in the guild and had shown her around it one day. It was basically a masterpiece that anyone would be in awe of. Hers...was not. It wasn’t flashy nor extravagant, but it was useful. She was incredibly proud of it.

She had first discovered it when she was exploring a small mountainous area of the map. Not many people came there because it was rumored to be barren. Her objective was to see if the rumors had actually been true, afterall, Yggdrasil had so many niche secrets that something appearing to be empty could be a possible treasure trove. She roamed around for several hours that day, not finding anything until she stumbled onto the cave. It was a tiny, barely noticeable cave that couldn’t even fit her tail inside. The possibility of it being a secret entrance to a hidden dungeon was 90% in her head, but 0% in actuality. Her first thought was to just cut her loses and leave to find a real dungeon, but something made her stay. Even now she couldn’t say what it was that made her spend weeks carving out the beginning of the cave. It just felt right.

She never really stopped carving it out either. Every time she logged in and had available time, she would spend 30 minutes to an hour expanding it. As of now it spanned throughout the entire mountain area. She first began expanding it because she had wanted extra space, but continued it due to the mountain range being rich with precious stones and metals. Expanding it every day would give her a profit of over 100 metals or gems. 

She sighed deeply and turned to look at her NPC, Goren. He was near identical to an Archangel of Flame, except for some key differences. Being at level 80, he had way more power than them.  His halo was a swirling mass of molten gems. A good amount of her gems went into decorating him. His angelic metal body was almost completely covered with gems and stones of different composition and color. Technically he wasn’t supposed to exist since she was only a solo player, but through the use of a world item she had stumbled upon he was able to come into existence. While not necessarily a handsome NPC, he was very pretty to look at with the rainbow of colors on his body. 

Flicking her hand in the air, the screen of the menu popped up. The clock counting down the seconds mocked her. In less than 3 minutes Yggdrasil and everything from it would be gone forever. Her avatar, NPC, and base, gone like a piece of paper going up in flames. Pulling up her friends list, the green font of two players rested at the top, Momonga and Zoba. Seems they were online too. She quirked a smile, happy that she wasn’t the only one seeing Yggdrasil off.  She was, at most, a step above acquaintances with Momonga, but he was a fun guy that cared deeply about the game. She couldn’t imagine him not being here for the shutdown. 

Zoba was one of her one of her closest friends in the game. They had first met while they both were dungeon crawling and ended up partying together to beat the final boss. Even though she was not an official member of the Ainz Ooal Gown guild, Zoba would still go farming and dungeon crawling with her. 

Kelpie hovered her hand over the message option, but let it drop down. She wanted to talk one last time, but didn’t want to interrupt anything either of them were wrapping up. These last moments felt too sacred to do so. There was a tension in the air that said she needed to be alone in these final moments.

Less than two minutes remaining now. She felt the seconds ticking by like an execution and in a way, it was. She slid her hand into one of the indents in the wall and a section of the wall scraped silently across the floor. Slithering through, she glanced around the room. Shelves filled with items ranging from magic books to limited time drops lined three of the walls. The fourth had a drawered desk with a simple wooden chair in front against it and an anvil to the left. The center had a huge bundle of furs from several different high leveled beasts. This was her bedroom in all its glory. 

One minute remaining. There was nothing she could do to stop the horrible march of time, but wait for the inevitable. Wiggling her tail under the top layer of fur, she settled down on the top of her coiled tail. She imagined the softness of the fur and the warmth that radiated from it. Her eyes drifted shut and she counted down.

5

4

3

2

1

0....

The forced consciousness of her IRL body never came. She peeked an eye open, expecting to see the white ceiling of her dorm bedroom, but instead, her vision was filled with the dark grey of stone. 

What...was going on? She pushed her hand down to get up, but paused.

A plush warmth pushed against her hand. Almost the same feeling she had imagined a few seconds earlier. Her eyes drifted down and confirmed, yes that was indeed her fur bed. 

Huh, different possibilities popped inside her head. Am I hallucinating? Am I in a coma? Am I dead? Am I trapped in the game? She lazily flicked her hand up and-

Nothing appeared.

“The fuck?”

She flicked her hand again and again, but still nothing appeared.

“Ok, the menu doesn’t seem to work. Great.” 

Kelpie ran her hand through her hair and propped herself up. Immediately, she fell forward and slammed her face against the floor. Her tail stayed passively coiled on the bed. Shit, she had forgotten about that. Note to herself, trying to move her feet would not move her tail. 

Putting a hand on her chin, she stared at it. 

The color was even more vibrant now than it was before. The black was so sheek while the purple glowed brilliantly. With a light hand, she tentatively touched them and shivered. That was a new experience. Her hand felt the cool, smooth texture of the scales, while her tail felt a muted pressure against it. Almost like a cloth between her hand and tail. It wasn’t unpleasant, just unfamiliar.  

She shifted her hand and lifted the middle section of her tail. It wasn’t as heavy as it looked. She didn’t think her tail should be this easy to lift. 

Was it possible that she became stronger? She gave it a second of thought, but she shook her head to dispel the thoughts, no time to think about that right now. 

She placed her other hand on the opposite side of her tail and shook it back and forth to imitate the side to side movement of snakes. The feeling certainly was different from legs. Her tail had a lot more flexibility and there wasn’t the feeling that it should be one certain way. With legs, it's not possible to bend it in any way other than forward, unless the bone was broken. She could move and twist her tail in almost any direction. It was kind of freeing to not have any movement restrictions.

Committing the sensation of her tail moving to memory, she took a deep breath and tried to stand up. Well stand up as much as one could with a tail. It was a different balance than she was used to, more unstable. She no longer had two rigid foundations, but one long fluid foundation. She wobbled unsteadily side to side and immediately face planted.

Again.

Ok.

One more time. She could do this! 

She pushed herself back up, rubbing her face lightly with one hand. She wobbled horribly, but, by extending her arms to the side, didn’t fall over right away.

Progress!

She inhaled and tried to stabilize her center of mass. She shook slightly, but had enough balance to try moving forward. She visualized the image of a snake moving. Its entire body would swerve left and right, so maybe she should try that. It didn’t seem right for her to move all of her upper body though. That would disrupt her delicate balance.

She lightly swung her hips back and forth. It felt absolutely ridiculous, but she couldn’t deny it gave her results. She successfully slithered out from the fur pile. 

With the basics down, she spent the next ten minutes practicing how to move. She fell a lot the first half but was able to gradually work up from a slow crawl to a fast slither. The longer she practiced, the more her tail felt right. Like this was the way she was supposed to exist.

Well, one thing done. Now to figure out what was going on here. First step, exit her bedroom. She slipped her hand back into the indent and the door slid open. A warm and pleasant breeze brushed against her, causing her arms to erupt in goosebumps. It felt like she was outside in the middle of winter and the breeze was the little bit of sun shining down. Why was it so cold? 

Pulling a small fur from her bed and wrapping it around her shoulders, she slithered out of the room.

The wind blew from the direction of the entrance, so she decided to head that way. The walls passing by her were enchanting. She had never paid much attention to them before, being just a simple background to her, but now she wondered if she just never looked hard enough. The walls shimmered with rainbow particles in a nice contrast with the dark grey of the stone. She lightly brushed her hand down it. The texture was very smooth like a polished stone and warm to the touch. 

Why was everything so much more vivid? What was the cause behind it? The scientific part of her was desperate for the answer. 

She absently ran her finger tips along the wall. The smooth surface paired with the warmth was a calming tactile stimulation. Texture was a coping technique that worked decently well for her. 

Breath in and out, in and out, in and out. 

So much happening in so little time was overwhelming. 

Deep breath in and out, in and out, in and out.

She dropped her shoulders, releasing the tension in them. 

Ok, she was ok. She could get through this.

She wrapped the fur tighter around herself and continued onward, still dragging her hand across the wall. The cave got brighter and brighter until the light shining from the outside was visible. She could see the… greenery… of the outside?

She rushed forward, the fur slipping off her shoulders and onto the floor, forgotten. The sun beat down on her still body. She glanced around, twisting around to take in all of her surroundings. 

A forest.

She was in a fucking forest! 

Trees so densely packed together that she couldn’t even see past them. Shrubbery with berries and thorns at the bases. She was supposed to be in the mountains!

What the fuck! Whatthefuck! Whatthefuck!

Her heart pounded in her chest and her breath quickened into hyperventilation. 

Fuck! Fuck!

She clutched her head tightly as her vision swirled. She tried to force air into her lungs, but it wasn’t working. Her body swayed haphazardly and she collapsed against the bark of one of the trees. 

Oh god, she couldn’t breathe!

Calm down, calm down, calm down. 

She put two fingers against the pulse point on her neck and took deep breaths. One, two, three, she counted up to ten and started over, letting her heart rate settle. 

She inhaled, held it for a few seconds, then exhaled, repeating it until her heartbeat and breathing returned to normal. 

Ok, good. She was calmer. 

She pushed her weak arms against the tree and righted herself. Hopefully her nausea would subside in a few minutes. 

Shutting her eyes and tilting her head back, she took in the sounds of the world around her. It was strangely quiet, not a single bird chirping or any rustling of small animals scavenging for food. It should have sent warning bells through her mind, but the silence was too nice for her high nerves. 

Seriously, what was going on? She knew her dreams weren’t this vivid, so she couldn’t be sleeping. The coma theory was still a possibility but very low. 

Maybe this actually was her new reality somehow, but it just didn’t make any sense! It had to be an error of some kind in the game. 

A breeze blew through her and she shivered again. Scouring the ground around her revealed that nothing was there. Shit, where was her fur? Did she drop it in her panic?

Her teeth clattered and she wrapped her arms around herself. She made a plan in her head to find a permanent solution for the cold to replace the fur. She turned around and glided towards the cave. 

Snap

A branch behind her broke in half. Shit, it really had been too quiet. Of course something had been wrong!

Instinct took a hold of her. She spun around and hissed, the sound echoing through the forest. Her fangs elongated and venom pooled at the tips. Distortion took over her voice, slurring the S as she shouted.

“Who are you?! Ssshow yourself now!”

The green brush parted and out stepped a shiny silver angel with multi-colored stones all over his body. His arms were raised as he spoke carefully, his voice a quiet baritone.

“My lady, it's just me. I apologize for leaving your side. I should have asked permission to do so.  I will take any punishment you wish to impose.”

He kneeled in front of her, waiting patiently and radiating shame. Her body slouched back, resting against her coiled tail. She relaxed her face, allowing her fangs to shrink back to their normal size, no longer producing venom.

Holy shit.

“Goren, is that you?”

“I assure you, my lady, I am no mimic. If needed, I can show proof of my identity”

He remained completely motionless, his head bowed in submission. It was so surreal that she doubted that he was actually there. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. The panic was bubbling back up into her chest, but she took deep breaths to stave it off.

“My lady, are you ok?! Give me the order and I'll do whatever it takes to aid you!” 

She opened her eyes and peered at him. Yep, he was still there, but now his head was raised, staring at her. There was no change in his facial expression, but from the heavy concern lacing his voice, she knew he was deeply worried about her.  

“Ah, yeah. I’m uh… I’m ok, just give me a second to contemplate.”

“Understood.”

He continued staring at her and it felt like he was staring into her soul. 

“Actually, would you go retrieve my fur? I dropped it somewhere inside.”

“Of course! It would be an honor!” He exclaimed, his voice full of happiness.

Swiftly standing up, he gave Kelpie a deep bow and rushed into the cave. 

With a heavy sigh, she rolled her shoulders and rubbed the back of her neck with one hand. It was nice to not have the heavy weight of his stare on her, but she was a little sad at the absence of his company. His eagerness to help was really cute, like an excited puppy. It lifted her spirits and reminded her of how she interacted with her own friends, extremely loyal and excited just to be with them. Some of her IRL friends would even call her a golden retriever with how excitable she was. 

It was possible that it would come back to bite her, but she decided to trust him completely. He seemed too earnest to betray her. Plus trusting him would save her more hardship for the meantime.

His hurried footsteps clanked from behind her. She turned to him and gave a small smile. The fur was clutched in his arms as if it was a sacred object. It was impossible for his facial expressions to change, but he still managed to radiate happiness as he reverently held the fur out to her.

“Here is your fur, my lady! Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Thank you Goren. I’ll let you know in a moment.” 

She grabbed the fur and gently wrapped it around herself. That was so much nicer. The cocoon of warmth banished the cold. No longer feeling trapped in the middle of a blizzard, she could think more clearly. The cold and large amount of new information had given her sensory overload. 

She observed Goren. He was intensely watching her again, probably waiting for her response. He had been acting very interestingly. He was so subservient and worshipful, like she was some kind of goddess. Was this part of a scenario the developers had set up? If so, she wished she had been given some kind of warning. She clicked her tongue and addressed Goren.

“So I assume you went exploring. Did you discover anything?”

“Yes! It seems that we are between a mountain range and a forest. I found no signs of the mountain we were in previously. There appears to be a city and small village in the distance. The village is closer than the city. If you wish, I can lead you there.”

She tilted her head and hummed.

“Yes, that would be good. Thank you.”

Visiting the village would be very advantageous. It was likely where she could get more information about this new scenario and how to complete it. She didn’t really need Goren to lead her to it. With her ranger skills, she could easily find it herself, but having Goren with her would be comforting.

“Understood, please follow me, My Lady.” 

Goren turned and led her through the forest. Trees passed by quickly and she easily maneuvered over the roots and uneven ground. It was a normal forest except for the missing ambience of life. She slithered her way up to Goren, matching his walking pace.

“Goren, do you know why there are no animals around?”

Goren tilted his head to look at her.

“Of course. While you were resting, I took the opportunity to establish our territory. There were many species that had territory near the cave, so I defeated all of them. The other animals are likely avoiding us out of fear. Any who dare to challenge you will be struck down.”

His voice dripped with malice as he spoke the last sentence. Anyone with a sane mind would be filled with unease from hearing the deadly tone, but it just filled her heart with happiness, causing her tail to slap the ground repeatedly. 

“Good job! That will save us so much trouble! If we don’t need to worry about animals tripping them, we could install several traps and extend the alarm system outside the cave. Possibly even making dummy caves.” 

She paced back and forth muttering to herself about what traps would be good to put down, but  was interrupted by Goren gurgling and dropping down to one knee.

“My Lady! I am undeserving of your praise! It is my duty to fulfill your wishes and protect you. Everything I am belongs to you and if you commanded it, I would happily die for you!”

Her mouth fell open and she stared at him. She was just giving him a compliment, how had the conversation turned so serious?? She rushed forward and pulled his arm up. He gave no resistance and rose to his feet.

“No, no, no, there is no need to die! I gave you a compliment because you deserved it! It would make me very happy if you were to accept.”

“I...Yes, of course. I humbly accept your words.”

He tried to kneel again, but Kelpie held his arm tighter and gave him a stern look.

“Enough kneeling. You were showing me to the village, right? Let’s continue with that.”

He gave a simple nod and turned to continue through the forest. Kelpie sighed in relief and followed after him. His personality was different from what she expected. She hadn’t given him the worshipping trait, so where had it come from? She would ask him why he was so reverent but she was worried that he’d do something extreme again. 

She shrugged her shoulders back and focused her attention to the forest. They were getting closer to the edge of the forest. The trees were thinning out and she could start to make out the image of a village. The first thing she should do upon arrival would be to gather information. Knowing where they were currently was priority number one, but it would also be good to discover the main quest. Finishing it was probably the key to getting her menu and ability to log out back. 

Now that she thought about it, the immersion was incredible. The devs must have worked really hard on this, especially the npcs. She always imagined the personal npcs having a monotone voice, but Goren’s was incredibly expressive. She was interested to see more of his personality as well. She had originally programmed him to be shy and blunt.The blunt trait was intact, but the shyness was nowhere to be seen. In the future, would she see it through his interactions with other people, maybe even other players? 

There had to be more players spawned into random locations like her. It couldn’t be just her, right? Yeah, it couldn’t be just her. Meeting another in the village would make her day. They could share information and figure everything out faster. 

“My Lady, we’ve arrived.”

Goren’s quiet voice cut through her thoughts.

The village was just beyond the edge of the forest where they stood. There were several stone houses surrounding a wooden watchtower. Several villagers were wandering around doing menial chores, such as wood chopping and tending the fields. Kelpie scanned the area, searching for anyone that looked important. They would be the one most likely to be the quest giver.

“I don’t see the chief, what about you?”

“I apologize, My Lady, but I am also unable to.”

She clicked her tongue in annoyance. She would just have to go searching for them then. Hopefully they’d be outside, she didn’t really want to search through all of the houses for them.

“Goren, use your skill “Hide Shadow”. We don’t know if the village is safe or not. They look harmless, but you can never be too careful. Stay in my shadow until danger appears or I give the order, understood?”

“Of course!”

He crossed his arm over his chest with a bow and melted into darkness that tunneled down into her shadow. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Ok, time for answers. She set her shoulders and crept towards the village.

The field workers in front of her were hard at work, weeding and harvesting the wheat. They remained oblivious to her existence until she started crossing across the field, trying to avoid crushing any crops. The first to see her was a young male villager around the age of 18. His scythe slashed through the wheat stalk and he pulled the bundle away cleanly. He was laying the bundle into his basket when his eyes met with Kelpie’s. For a moment, nothing happened. They stared at each other, neither making a single movement. She lifted her hand to wave and all hell broke out.

The villager opened his mouth and let out the loudest scream she had ever heard. He turned tail and sprinted towards the houses. The others lifted their own heads to investigate and gave their own screams of terror. They retreated the same way as the young man, shoving and trampling the ones in their way. One was unfortunate enough to trip. He fell pathetically to the ground and whimpered in pain as he was slowly trampled to death. His lifeless body laid there, blood pouring out from under it.

The screams flowed through the air like an orchestra symphony and euphoria welled up in her chest. 

This was exciting! 

A breeze blew across the field and carried the metallic scent to her. She slowly inhaled then exhaled, enjoying the scent. It was enticing, like the smell of thanksgiving dinner on an empty stomach. 

Her pupils dilated into slits as saliva pooled in her mouth. Her fangs elongated, venom dripping down them. The sounds and smell were amazing and she wanted, no, needed more! A long hiss reverberated from deep in her chest. The sound traveled through the village and wails erupted from just beyond the houses.

Yessss, she liked that! More, more!

She flew across the field and entered the village. A mob of villagers were waiting for her with torches and pitchforks in hand. They shook where they stood and she could hear the loud pounding of their hearts. The fear was thick enough that she could smell it and it was as delicious as the bloody scent. 

Good, they should fear her! A forked tongue flicked out as she licked her lips. She could practically taste their flesh already. A hunting horn boomed out and like a flash, the mob charged her. 

Foolish~

The world slowed down to a crawl as adrenaline shot through her body. She could clearly see the terror on the front line’s faces. They knew their chances of survival was low, but they still had the smallest amount of hope inside of themselves. She would enjoy crushing that~

She crouched her body down and shot forward with explosive force. Slashing her hand in an arc, the heads of all the frontliners flew from their shoulders. Blood erupted out like a volcano and the bodies collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut. It happened in an instant, leaving no time to react before they were dead. The mob collectively shuddered in fear. Many of the back liners dropped their weapons and ran for their lives, crying pitifully and letting prayers fall from their lips. She gave them a glance but didn’t chase after them. She had enough of a feast before her to ignore the stragglers. Kelpie brought the back of her blood covered hand to her mouth and dragged her tongue across it. The blood was sweet like a piece of candy. 

Tasty! Tasty! Tasty!

A feral grin overtook her face and drool dripped out the corner of her mouth. How nice would it taste right from the source? 

A muscular elder stepped forward with an axe, staring defiantly. Yes, he would do nicely as an example. Let them see what happens to those who defy her! He rushed forward and swung the axe at her head. 

Slow! Slow! Slow!

She thrust her arm at his neck, her fingers wrapped tightly around his neck and she lifted him off the ground. The axe clattered to the ground.

“Let thisss be a warning to you all. Those who defy me, die painfully.”

She unhinged her jaw and bit down on his shoulder. His agonized scream intensified as she pumped venom into his bloodstream. Releasing her hand, he slammed into the ground and convulsed wildly. He would die slowly and painfully. She brushed her thumb across the corner of her mouth. 

Laughing maniacally, she asked,

“Who'sss next?”

_________

She woke up from her trance several hours later, the taste of blood thick on her tongue and piles of bodies surrounding her. Her fur was drenched enough that there was no sign of its original color. In just one day, she had completely obliterated a village. 

The slickness of the blood covering her cooled her body uncomfortably. Yet, it still wasn’t a horrible feeling. 

Oh god, what had happened? Memories overwhelmed her mind with perfect clarity. The revulsion she should have felt was completely missing. In fact, just thinking about it was enough to make her happy. She touched her hands to her face and felt the smile she had.

She dry heaved. Why wasn’t she horrified by her actions?? What had happened to her?? 

Oh god, this couldn’t be the game! It couldn’t be! The game couldn’t affect her thinking and feelings!

Hyperventilation took her over and she clawed at the invisible pressure squeezing her neck. 

This was real! She had just murdered whole families and enjoyed it! Worse was that she wanted to do it again!

Her vision became hazy and black spots appeared all over. She fell forward, the sensation muted to the point of nonexistence. She dug her fingers into the ground and tried to drag her body away from the glassy eyed bodies. She raspily called out in desperation.

“G...Goren...Help…”

The sight of Goren rematerializing and reaching for her was the last thing she saw before everything went black.

[ddaengyoonmin]

Chapter 13

Pairing: Ot7xReader; 

Genre: fluff, angst, smut(In previous and later chapters,

Theme: Based kinda on sword art online a lot of similar ideas and themes kinda combining the idea of them trapped in the game, but the world is closer to ALFheim online

Warnings; None that I can think of in this chapter

Word count: 2.1k

Taglist: (I definitely think I missed some of you and some usernames were changed from my last list😭 I need an organized tag list for the series, so comment to be added and I’ll also make a post soon) : @taekookandyoongi @life-anime-food @i-like-puppy-mg @seesawsmin-flower @karissassirak @btsvisuals @vynia

For the next few weeks your team had split into smaller parties so as to maximize on your experience gained from quests and items dropped.  Since it was all equally split, the eight of you being in one party together would make the points gained spread pretty thin.  You still all met up for most mealtimes and tried to always get together for a group meeting before bedtime, but besides that it was usually 2-3 of you partnered together for a quest. 

You had stuck with Jungkook the whole time, not wanting to spend much time away from him after almost losing him and the incredible night you had shared, you couldn’t tear yourself from his side.  Taehyung would join with the two of you sometimes when he wasn’t joined up with Jin, who he had been getting pretty close with.  The two of them would sometimes go on missions just the two of them, your group would joke with them about their forming bro-mance. 

One of the quests that you and Jungkook were currently on with just the two of you alone, had required quite a lot of tedious attacks on lower level creatures that were taking over a small farm owned by an NPC right outside of Midgard city.  The sky was darkening and you realized how much time you had spent taking out the ‘Rat Infestation Problem’ quest’s small green toxic creatures.  

“Jungkook, shouldn’t we head back?”  

Jungkook was aiming a very precise purple shadow-ball shot at one of the glowing green rats in the barn the two of you stood in. 

His back was to you and you giggled at the ‘pew’ sound effect he made with his mouth right before he shot his attack, hitting the rat dead on.  He then turned to look at you with a big grin on his face, flicking away his black bangs that were messily falling into his eyes.  He looked tired and worn out from spending the whole day on this task with you, but he was trying hard to not show it. 

“I suppose we can, we still have like 50 more of these things to do.  I can’t believe we actually were able to get 950 done in one day.  Good teamwork partner”  He lifted his hand for a high-five and you excitedly met your open palm to his with a cute little jump. 

Jungkook slung an arm around your shoulders and walked with you out of the barn.  The sky was darkening to a deep blue and you could see a small colorful purple and pink shade peeking from the sky on the horizon where the sun had just set.  

Jungkook pressed his lips gently to the top of your head, “Let’s get going” 

The two of you flew to the usual meeting spot that your team had designated.  It was a small clearing in the woods where the eight of you had set up a sort of base camp,  you’d all thought it would be fun if instead of staying in the inn you’d purchase tents from one of the merchants and set up a little home in the woods where you could all come and go as you pleased without having to give coins to the innkeeper for a place to stay every night. 

You had been ecstatic over the idea, camping sounded like fun and camping with friends even better.  

You and Jungkook had gone in on a tent together to share, it wasn’t huge but it was big enough that you could stand in it.  It was a small room with a full sized bed and a small nightstand and rug on the floor by the bed.  

Namjoon, Jin and Jimin all invested in a giant tent for the three of them, it was at least three times bigger than your own but they each had wanted their own bed so it was fitting. 

Yoongi and Hoseok also shared a tent, they hadn’t wanted to invest much into it so theirs was about the size of your own with two small and simple beds almost side by side fitting into their space with nothing else inside. 

Taehyung had purchased a small tent that was definitely suitable for just himself.  It fit his bed and a small night stand that he kept a few books and a kerosene lamp on top so he could read before bed.  

It didn’t take long to set it all up thanks to the way the games features worked, you merely had to click a button on your items inventory screen and motion with your hand to plop things down where you wanted them. 

The tents all were positioned around a pretty looking firepit that the eight of you had all chipped in on together.  White stones were stacked around it in a circle for design and to keep the fire from spreading further than the pit.  You’d cook your food over it with some pots and pans you’d also purchased, and eat sitting on some wooden logs around the fire that Jin and Taehyung had dragged from in the woods and made into a seating area.  

It was actually a wonderful home, and for the past few days there was a part of you that almost didn’t miss your home in the real world.  

It started to scare you that you felt that way.  You didn’t want to lose your drive to keep pushing forward in the game.  No one had even made it past floor one yet and you’d all been in the stuck in the game for about a month now.  You didn’t want to forget that you had a mom who probably sat at your side crying wondering if and when you’d wake up.  You hoped that she wouldn’t blame herself for being the one to buy you the game.  So badly you wanted to tell her, that you didn’t blame her, and that honestly you couldn’t thank her enough.  Without it you wouldn’t have met all these wonderful people. 

And there again lies your problem...did you really want to escape this game?  There was a far too large part of you that hoped that you could stay here with Jungkook and all of your friends forever…

Jungkook tapped you on the shoulder motioning for you to land.  Everyone else was already there and it looked like Jin and Yoongi had already started on cooking dinner together.  They were arguing lightly over some of the ingredients that Yoongi was trying to put into the stew that was bubbling in the pot over the fire when you approached.  

“Hey! Jungkook,  Y/n!” Jin smiled your way as you walked over to sit on one of the logs around the fire.  Everyone else greeted you as well and you smiled and returned their hellos.  

Jin managed to convince Yoongi that there was enough garlic in the stew already and Yoongi reluctantly dropped it. 

The eight of you talked about your days, sharing your stories and cool drop items that you’d acquired.  Unfortunately today you and Jungkook had quite the boring time.  Well...besides the hour that you and him had taken a break to go down on each other in the barn.  Just thinking back on today’s memories of his head between your legs made your cheeks hot and a smile start to grow on your lips. 

When it came time for sleep everyone left to their tents, saying goodnights and sweet dreams to the rest of the team you started to follow Jungkook into your shared tent.  But, you stopped for a moment with your hand on the tent’s flap and turned around slightly.  You had noticed that Taehyung hadn’t left to his tent and was still sitting on one of the logs in front of the fire, a blank expression on his face and his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward silently staring into the fire. 

“I’ll be inside in just a second,” you said to Jungkook, giving your sleepy bed partner a kiss on the cheek before you turned and went to go join Taehyung. 

You sat next to him on the same log.  He silently acknowledged your presence with a nod and a small smile, not looking away from the fire when you joined him. 

“Hey you” you spoke softly “Everything okay?” 

He finally turned to face you, “Of course y/n” he grinned fakely.  You saw right through it instantly, but didn’t want to pry too hard. 

“Okay...well, I am here if you wanna talk you know” you let him know, placing a hand gently on his shoulder. 

He frowned a bit and then chuckled, moving his shoulder to brush your hand off of him. 

Was he mad at you? What could you have done to upset him?

“Tae?” 

“Anyways.  I don’t think I ever asked how things went with Jungkook that night at the inn”  Taehyung smiled fakely again at you. 

You suddenly felt embarrassed.  Taehyung knew what he was setting you two up for at the inn, he obviously knows what happened, why would he bring it up like that?

You cleared your throat awkwardly, “Um, it went well.  It was nice” you avoided Taehyung’s gaze that was trying to meet yours now.

“Nice?” he raised his eyebrows “Just well and nice?” 

You fought back more of your embarrassment at this conversation’s subject.  “It was amazing,  He’s amazing” you spoke honestly. 

Taehyung gazed back into the fire, you’d expected more teasing but instead he just muttered, 

“Good, he deserves it.  He’s a good guy.”

You noticed him biting at his cheek.  Something was going through his mind that you couldn’t quite understand.  

You wanted to say’ You’re a good guy too Taehyung,  you’ve been through a lot as well. ‘

But, you were now quiet, watching his carmel skin that was enchantingly lit up by the warm orange flames, his mint green hair tinted with the color as well.  He started poking the fire with a long stick, you noticed how strong his arms were, and his hands...his beautiful hands...

No.  What the hell were you doing.  You scold yourself in your mind for letting your thoughts wander.  You feel guilty and ashamed for almost letting your thoughts go even further. 

Taehyung quickly glanced at you seeing you staring he gave you a sweet smile. 

“You should get some rest y/n.  Jungkook is waiting for you.  I’m fine, I’m just gonna sit for a while” 

You nodded and stood up from the log and gave Taehyung a small wave as you left, which he returned lazily. 

He stared after you as you walked to your tent and murmured something that you didn’t quite catch, but it almost sounded like,

“Lucky bastard”  

Taehyung continued poking the fire with the stick his fingers curled around, watching the tiny sparks that would fly up and break away from the fire as he did. 

You had gone to bed with Jungkook and he was alone now, that was what he wanted right?

His best friend was happy and in love, and he really did deserve it.   Jungkook was the kindest and most caring man that Taehyung had ever met, and he loved him like a brother.  Taehyung on the other hand didn’t quite think of himself as a kind man, he’d done his fair share of things he wasn’t proud of, especially when it came to women.

  That’s why he didn’t deserve you.  That’s why those perfect lips could never be his to kiss, and that stunning body could never be his to hold. You are too perfect for him, your beautiful face, your adorable laugh, the way you care for everyone.  You’d also made your mistakes but you instantly owned up to it and tried to make it up to Jungkook.

But, You were Taehyung’s dream girl, he’d never felt such an intense flutter in his chest around anyone else in his life.  He wanted to give you the world, he wanted you to have only the best in life, and that wasn’t him…

So, he pushed you towards perfect Jungkook, because that way you wouldn’t get hurt, though you and Jungkook had your own struggles, you seem happy now, and so does Jungkook. 

So everything is going as planned right?

So Taehyung should be happy right? 

This is what he wanted right? 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning you were awakened by loud chatter and commotion outside of your tent. 

Startling you, the flap to your tent was thrown open and bright morning sunlight pour in.  Jungkook shot up instantly, you covered your face with your arm groggily. 

“What the hell is going on” you grumbled sleepily.  Seeing Namjoon standing in the entrance with wide eyes. 

“The boss has been found! He’s still there right now.  Lets go!” 

[enchantment1385]

My most magnificent mega must (have) mods memo.

So, I’ve been putting this off (big surprise!), but the time has come! I am going to try and provide some recommendations of my favorite mods. Mods I will not play the game without, or mods I love so much, I can’t recommend them highly enough! Hopefully some of you will find a new excuse to play one of these games again! I will split the list up into games so you skip if you don’t play a certain game. Again, these are my personal recommendations, so please don’t get all bent out of shape over this people. I also won’t be adding the very amazing utility mods (such as SkyUI or mcm or mod organizers) as I feel these are required mods. Today's installment -  

~Skyrim~

VIGILANT  +  VIGILANT Voiced - English Addon Okay, where do I start with the amazingingness of the mod? It’s massive, compelling, scary (chapter 3 holy fucking shitballs, batman!), and just absolutely perfectly executed on every level horror mod! This is not a mod you complete in a couple of hours, this you need to put aside a day or 2 and go through all 5 chapters! 1 guy made this. 1 awesome japanese dovha, alas it’s not as adored as it should be as, when originally released, the english subtitles (literally translations from Google) didn’t really translate well... or at all at some points. Hence why you need the voiced addon which makes this mod a 15+ hour, fully awesomely voiced adventure to seek out daedra, and be physically, and morally tested by the one and only Daedric Prince of domination, Molag Bal. Your choices WILL affect the outcome. This mod gives you everything you want from a mod. New weapons, new armour, new enemies, dark soul like boss battles, new places, new people, new land. With Halloween quickly approaching, this is the perfect time to give this a shot! 

Legacy of the Dragonborn

I stayed away from this mod for SO long thinking it was just a massive oversize player home to put all your crap on display. I was wrong. I was SO wrong. This mod is the ultimate scavenger hunt turned up to 11. It adds some of the best mods out there and puts them all together to make you WANT to go find that bloody staff, or helm, because A, it now looks amazing, and B, there’s a place for EVERYTHING in the museum, it must be filled! It adds old relics, new quests, a very gorgeous fair sized player home, you get to go to Elsweyr, and even get an airship you CAN use later! And trust me when I say, there is nothing that looks quite as impressive as your dovah walking around a city with your massive ass airship looming overhead. The way everything gets placed into the world is fucking flawless, and if you’re bored or just want more out of Skyrim, this is the mod that does that, and WAY more. Also a massive bonus, it has several patches for other mods that didn’t get incorporated (vigilant being among them) to add extra wings for you to display the items from other mods! 

Interesting NPCs

Another mod I stupidly avoided to begin with. So as we know, vanilla followers are... meh. But now with all these new battles and exploring you have to do, you might want someone watching your back, right? Forget vanilla, time to go interesting! This mod adds -

• 250+ Voiced NPCs • 25+ Followers with Location Based Commentary • 15+ Marriage NPCs 

This mod makes Skyrim feel inhabited, but with REAL people. People who you can, should, and will want to talk to. The voice acting is just fantastic, the characters are an absolute joy, they fit into the world so perfectly you’d never know they weren’t there all along! Well... Except for the fact they’re actually interesting, and have more than 5 things to say! It also has something called ‘Super Followers’. These followers actually comment on what’s happening in your story. Just about to go kill your first dragon? They have something to say about it. Just joined the college of mages? Have a chat to see what they think! I can not express how much this will change your game, but 151% for the fucking better! Oh! And just in case you were running short on things to do, this also adds 50+ more quests! *(footnote) Pleaaassssee go to Soljund's Sinkhole and take Rumarin with you. What he says when you clear that place out has me laughing my ass off every time.

Immersive Citizens - AI Overhaul

Are you tired of being the only one is Skyrim who actually seems to DO anything? Are you weirded out by the fact when you walk into an inn at 4am everyone is doing the same thing as they were at 2pm last week? Confused as hell by the comment ‘Do you hunt? The plains outside Whiterun are ripe with game.’ How the fuck would you know, Anoriath?! You never leave Whiterun, dude! EVER! That ends with this mod. Now people have routines. They sleep, they eat, they walk around, they don’t just stay in one place all the time! It makes the npc’s go from a static feature and changes them into actual people, or goes a long way to help! Even people like carriage drivers now have a lil tent near the carriage, and will even take shelter under cover if it starts raining. (if it’s not too far from the carriage!) Random people will now not try and fight the big dragon who is burning everything to a crisp, but instead run away and take shelter, you know, like a normal person would? Which is helpful, as I tend to hit them with a stray spell then get into shit for accidentally electrocuting the blacksmith or someone who shouldn’t have stood in the way of the MASSIVE FUCKING DRAGON IN THE FIRST PLACE! Anyway... This mod is awesome and makes all the vanilla npc’s less static and weird!  

Relationship Dialogue Overhaul - RDO

Don’t know about you but, I’m kinda bored with the dialogue in this game. The same 5 lines on repeat, over and over and OVER again. I want people who hate me to say something a bit more nasty that ‘What do YOU want?’ This mod adds over 5000 lines of dialog that was never used. Braith finally has more insults to throw at you! Which is great, because I hate that kid and now you will too! Your rivals will be rude to you. Your friends will compliment you. And your spouse will finally say more than a handful of lines to you! With this and the AI overhaul Skyrim will finally feel like it’s come alive. It seems like such a small addition, but it makes a huge impact when you hear lines that you’ve never heard before! 

PC Head Tracking and Voice Type &  Expressive Facial Animation (M)  (F)

So we’ve finally got a living breathing Skyrim, and holy shit, it’s a beautiful thing, right? Time to focus on bringing you to life. Don’t know about you, but I found it plain fucking odd that I didn’t ever look at the person who’s talking to me. Like, not even accidently. I also found it creepy the only time I ever made any sound whatsoever was when I shouted. So the first mod is going to fix that shit. You’ll finally look at the person talking to you, or at that dagger you’re just about to steal. What's more, you’ll be able to assign a voice to yourself, so you’ll greet people who talk to you. Fun doesn’t stop there! You can download voice packs such as, Ciri, Yenifer and loads of others! But... What if you know who you want them to sound like and there isn’t a pack for them? Well, make your own! The page is really good and explains how. So we’re not a clueless goon anymore, we look and talk, but that basically makes us no better than the T 800 terminator. The second mod will make you actually have emotions, instead of constant blank face. You’ll smile at friends and loved ones, and scowl at people who you hate, like you Elrindir. For the last time, I didn’t mean to steal the fucking apple pie! But I think me spending HUNDREDS of gold should have made up for that and did NOT warrant you sending a group of thugs to come kick the shit out of me!  Sorry. Just... Some unfinished business between me and that bastard bosmer. 

Enhanced Lights and FX

I have a potato as a laptop, as such a lot of these amazing ENB’s are totally off the table for me. But... We all deserve a pretty Skyrim, right? Fuck yes we do! And this is the mod that does that for me. So there are two versions of this bad boy, and you will really want to think about which one you want to go for. You’ve got standard, or hardcore. The MAIN difference is, the hardcore version will make dungeons dark. No, I mean pitch black darkness. Really think you know bleak fall barrow? Install hardcore then go run through it. It make sense that it would be dark down in these places, but fuck me dark is now really dark, which I personally love, but you might not. Install at least the main file and the weather mod and I guarantee when you boot your game back up you’ll be saying ‘wow’.  

Enhanced Character Edit  OR  RaceMenu

Okay, first off you only need one or the other NOT both. Here’s the difference. If you want to make a character that looks like they’re from FFXV or korean mmo, you’ll want to get Enhanced character edit. They’re all so damn pretty! Even the men are pretty! If you want something a little less cute looking and maybe more mature, Racemenu is character creator for you. Both give you a TON more customization when creating your new oc, down to finger and toe length and what’s not to love about that?? 

Enhanced Camera

You finally have a body in first person mode. not just hands when attacking. Which FYI Bethesda, is creepy as fuck. Next mod. 

Familiar Faces

Right, last one as we could be here forever, but I need to do more of these things for other games so let's finish with something stupid, but awesome, shall we? You know who’d make the best companion? That spellsword character you made. Or the sneaky archer. Or that tanky as fuck warrior, but they’re on that other save.. No more! When you fire up the game with this mod installed, you get a portal stone placed in your inventory. Use it and get get warped into this empty hall. Go to any of the books on the pedestals and hit yes when prompted. You, your abilities, spells, shouts, game progress and inventory has just been recorded. Load up another save and do the same in a different book, then you can go recruit... you! You can even make yourself marribale! Got that perfect otp? Create them both and have them travel around with you! Want them to use their shouts? No problem! Want them to not use shouts? That’s fine too! Isn’t that overpowered? Who gives a flying fuck?! 

Now go have fun in Tamriel, Bahlaan fahdonne!

[dross-the-fish]

you didn't miss much by skipping Andromeda, it wasn't really a good game.

I did actually borrow it from a friend recently, and yeah, I’m not that into it. I haven’t properly played it all the way through, so I don’t have a real concrete opinion yet, but from the time I’ve had with it I think it suffers from a lot of the same problems that DA: Inquisition did.

Wonky pacing and really big environments that don’t have much in them. Idk what it is about Bioware games but I often find the worlds to be kind of vacant and tedious to explore. I’m going to be talking more about Inquisition because that’s the game I’ve had the most experience with and I’ve done multiple playthroughs. I might talk more about Andromeda in another post if I get around to finishing it, but for now I’m still reserving judgement. 

I think the reason I don’t enjoy these games as much as other people do is because, for me, exploration is the most important element. I will ignore quests and characters for days just to go and get lost in the world and if that world doesn’t feel rich and immersive I’m going to lose interest in the game. In Dragon Age Inquisition, most of it is just, the same. Every dwarven ruin feels like the same thing over and over again and while maybe one or two of them has something interesting, I find that most of the time the reward for my exploration and puzzle solving is kind of anticlimactic. The experience just felt very shallow to me and sometimes having to have 3 people constantly following me got on my goddamn nerves. I’m just gonna say it, some of these characters (Solas) are not as charming as the writers think they are and they never fucking shut up. I’m not against having companions in games, but I would like to explore alone without having NPCs over my shoulder for every quest and interaction, interjecting their unwanted opinions into every quest and task (Solas). Also, as a side note it’s really weird that they can still disapprove of things when you leave them at home bc you’re tired of their bullshit (Solas). Like, wtf, you’re not even here, you don’t know what I’m doing. 

Then again, the same thing happened in Origins and didn’t find it nearly as annoying, maybe it’s just these characters.....yeah that’s right, you keep on disapproving, I don’t even care anymore. Done trying to please your crusty, bald, ass. >8P

Back to the world being kind of big and empty, Skyrim runs into this problem too but I found that at least with Skyrim exploring is more often rewarding than not. Especially the Dwemer ruins. Blackreach looks AMAZING and I actually had a moment of shock when I realized the Falmer have started enslaving humans and mer. I didn’t expect that and it opened up a bunch of new questions and made me want to explore more because now I was curious about the Falmer. Add to that all the NPCs who are studying the disappearance of the Dwemer and the remains of expeditions you find scattered throughout, it really feels like this is a big deal, not just to you, the protagonist, but in the context of the world. And Morrowind had so many instances like that, where the more I learned the more I wanted to learn that I actually ended up filling in the entire map just exploring caves and ruins and imagining what life was like for the people that inhabited these places a long time ago. Everything to do with the Sixth House is just fascinating, why do they stack furniture like that? What were these dunmer strongholds like before? What gross process does a dreamer go through to become an Ascended Sleeper? The deeper I dug the more questions there were and I had such a good time finding these things that I lost hours deep into the night just trying to solve them. So many moments of “that shit is so weird I just HAVE to know more”

I never had that kind of experience in Inquisition, or Andromeda (granted, I’ve only had limited experience with the latter). Nothing in either game really fed my curiosity or made me feel like I’d discovered something unexpected and horrifying that changed my whole perception of the world I was playing in. Even the stuff that was intended to be some kind of big reveal in the main quest didn’t really grab me. 

But comparing Dragon Age and Andromeda to the Elder Scrolls is apples and oranges, they are fundamentally different games with different intentions. 

I feel like the best comparison I can make of a game that is kind of similar, in that it’s story and character heavy but also an open world RPG, is The Witcher 3, which is a game I feel does all of those elements right. I love that game, from the minute I boot it up on my PC I pick a random direction and just walk, just to see what I can find. That world is full of cool monsters, interesting NPCs and the story feels really fleshed out. It feels like it’s set in a detailed and living world. Also the DLC is actually worth it and feels like genuine expansions instead of just....bullshit. Yeah still pissed about what they did with Trespasser.

Dragon Age Inquisition does not. The enviornments feel empty or at worst, like mmorpgs, they have some crafting items, little mobs of annoying critters and cookie cutter NPCs who you can’t even really interact with. It feels like there’s a lot of aesthetic but not a lot of actual content to back it up. I feel like DA:I’s strengths are really in the characters and from what I’ve played of Andromeda, it seems the same. You’re going to get the most out of these games if you’re in it for the relationships you have with the characters and the content related to them. Which is fine, but that’s not what I personally prioritize in games. 

So in conclusion, I think games like Dragon age Inquisition and Mass Effect Andromeda will make you happy if you like open world RPGs but want to spend a lot of time building relationships and getting to know your companions but people who are in it primarily for the worlds and the exploration might find both games a bit lacking. And that’s not to say there’s NOTHING to enjoy about the world and story, I still at least like DA:I enough to play it and I can see merit in Andromeda. So make of all that what you will. 

[latitudesunknown]

Day 44 in Tiny Haven

Today in Tiny Haven: there is a reason why I spent most of my time in Red Dead Redemption sitting at the poker table...

I start the day with another letter from “mom”. I get so ridiculously excited whenever my fake mom writes to me, it’s ridiculous. 🤗

(1) Thanks mom!

The fact that my real mom is also unfailingly positive and loves hiking only makes this more perfect.

But the most interesting thing that will happen today, by far, is that there is FINALLY a camper I want to invite to settle down!

I already like Kali’s looks the second I walk into their tent, but then something even better happens...

(2) They offer to play a little card game. 😍

I have never been able to say no to a card game. When I first started playing to the latest Witcher game, I thought Gwent was way too complicated. By the end of my playthrough I was spending hours competing against other Gwent-playing NPCs.

I may have a problem. Especially when the rules are horribly simple and the chances of me wasting a huge sum of money are high.

Kali’s game, thankfully for my purse, does not involve betting money, but it does involve me possibly getting prizes, which is very exciting. The rules are super simple. I just need to guess if the card Kali will stop on is red ❤️♦️, or black ♣️♠️.

(3) I extremely resent how much research I had to do about English sports term to translate this.

Bottom line is, I keep on losing. Story of my life. You don’t want to know how much money I’ve lost at poker in Red Dead.

And the thing is, I don’t mind losing, but I do mind the idea of Kali leaving my island forever at the end of the day.

It’s time to pull out the big guns. 

(4) I love that I could just file a complaint because I don’t like the way Phebus dresses. What a bitchy move (says the girl who would totally have filed a formal complaint against his interior design tastes).

(5) Okay ... I was hoping you’d actually just evict him?

(6) Oh my darling buttermilk cookie, the important thing is that you believe it. 💛 

Unfortunately, Marie intends to just tell Phebus off, which means he’s not going to vacate his house today.

I therefore do the one thing I had no intention of doing for at least another week...

I sell another plot of land.

But to my utter dismay, despite finally dropping the card game and telling me the air here is sweeter...

(7) It’s called “the countryside”, Kali.

(8) What do you mean, you won’t move in?!

Now, this just won’t do. After feeling sorry for myself for a few minutes, I go back in and try this again. Finally, awed by my sheer stubbornness, Kali decides to leave their fate to... well, fate.

(9) I have NEVER been so stressed out about a card game IN MY LIFE.

(10) YEEEEESSSS!!! I won!

(11) Interesting to note that Kali is, yet again, a sports junkie. 

What is it with Animal Crossing and exercise? Is it to remind people that they should stop playing the game and go run around the block for a bit? I find it really strange.

Now that this is done, and full of hopes about Kali really being a lovely neighbour and not a jerk, I finally relax and go about my day.

... except I end up binge-watching the entire first season of Runaways so that doesn’t leave me much time to play at all. The 1st of May trip will have to wait another day.

In between episodes, I only have enough time to catch another beeeeautiful butterfly, with wings that shimmer in the sun...

And reassure Lili, who has clearly met our neighbourhood friendly ghost.

(12) 

She goes on to tell me this is the kind of thing she’s read about in the magazine her mom always reads, a magazine on all things supernatural...

... and the magazine’s called “At sheet’s end”, which is just fantastic.

Because I’m a good friend, and because it so happens the ghost IS around tonight, I go and talk to it. Same old story, I scare it half to death, catch his spirits back up, and get a useful piece of furniture as a reward. But at least Lili should feel less spooked now.

And with that, the day is already over! Here’s to hoping I actually make more time to play tomorrow, and finally see what Tom Nook has in store for me with his “1st of May extravaganza trip”!

.

Subtitles

(1) My dear Maddy, The smell of the trees and freshly cut grass is making me long for the wide outdoors. This is wanderlust. I can feel an adventurer inside me, begging to be let out! Or maybe it's an explorer? Or maybe a traveler? Mom.

(2) Now, get ready. Attention... ready? Go!

(3) And it's... ooooh! A red card! Out of bounds! Net! Offside! Foul! Gosh, that must sting.

(4) Would you be able to tell me what exactly annoys you about Phebus? His way of talking / his way of dressing / nothing, in fact.

(5) I will see Phebus and remind him what kind of language is acceptable on our island!

(6) Don't get fooled by appearances, I can be very intimidating when I want to be.

(7) Have you ever gone somewhere and thought that the air had... a nicer taste? Mochi?

(8) Uh? Me, moving in here? That'd be swell but... that won't be possible, sorry, mochi.

(9) Alright, let's play another game. Beat me, and I'll move in. Ready, set...?

(10) And it's a red card indeed! Grand slam! Hole in one! Three-point basket! Converted try! GOOOOAAAAL!

(11) You've won, mochi... I shan't fight any longer. Even though wrestling is a beautiful sport!

(12) You're going to think I'm crazy... but I feel like a sort of presence, lately. It's scaring me stiff!

(13) It's called "At sheet's end"

[ireddeadredemption2pc-blog]

Red Dead Redemption 2 PC

Red Dead Redemption2 PC

The old west feels brand new again.

Oh Jesus Christ, what have you done? “Thomaschen 978 wants to know why a dozen carcasses and a couple of horse corpses are placed on rail tracks bordering the early industrial city and are the New Orleans stand-in St. Denis.” You killed half. village.” PC Games For Free

We are on round two of the recurring corpse pile. My poses got the idea to jump in front of the train after a few rounds of Lose Your Friends and Toss Them in the Sea in the Couple Friendly Strangers. Like GTA 5, Red Dead Redemption 2 has its own bowling minima, we explain to Chen in a roundabout way that provokes his fear. Die in the shared open world of Red Dead Redemption 2 and you’ll react fast enough to move your corpse around. Best RPGs games pc

The boy is in line with us. We should make it bigger. As the train comes around again, another pose tries to take us out. The chain defends us but does not bring it back to the tracks. He goes away screaming. Death of a true warrior.

Red Dead Redemption 2 could be the biggest, most humble videogame ball pit for an annoying story about impulsive children, the forced disintegration of the community, or simply a quiet and reflective hiking simulator. It’s just about what you need it to be, and it’s good at it.

Just hours before the corpse-bowling, I was alone through the icy forests, stepping into the long shadow cast across the snow by the rising moon. I heard a gunshot from a distance. The tracks of some wolves marked snow in the same direction. I saw them who won. Anytime I pay attention and look closely, RDR2 is the result of my curiosity. Best Racing games on pc

The mind-numbing expanse that makes up the vast world of RDR2 speaks to the creative force of a development team with an intense, obsessive dedication to realism (and all the money and time needed to do so). Like how my friends’ characters flare up when I fire a gun at them, how animal carcasses disintegrate over time, how NPCs react according to a sloppy or bloody outfit, how to stir through a doorway. Scares everyone everywhere.

It is hard to believe that RDR2 is so deep and wide and is also a harmonious, playable thing. I was already playing it for days worth the console version. This is why I am particularly disappointed that it ended up on the PC to some extent.

For every non-taught multiplayer adventure, disconnect or crash on the desktop, desktop. The rock star’s best storyline and character so far has been filmed through Frame Hutches’ slideshow and addressed over the launch weekend.

RDR2, one of the best Western games and one of the best open-world games I have ever released with enough stability issues, is recommended for the hard way until everything is completely smooth.

Morgan trail

EVERY PRETTY VISTA IS SOMETHING TO LOSE THROUGH ARTHUR’S EYES.

The story genre of Red Dead Redemption 2 follows the dying days of the Wild West. The sprawling industrial world faced the bandits and social downtrodden of Arthur Morgan’s small band, an imperfect but loyal, loving and self-reliant community.

Capitalism is reducing its value as resources to humans. Indigenous USA America is driven from the plains to make way for ‘civilization’ and commerce. The forests are brought down for timber, the hills are cut down for coal, and Morgan’s chosen family is caught in the middle, forced to flee, assimilate, or respond with violent protests is done. They do all three.

This is Rockstar’s most serious drama, and it’s really, really long. If you are running, the story ends after 40 to 50 hours and then continues for 10 to 15. The main story missions of Red Dead 2 feature distinctly rockstar fare: ride to a destination that is talking to everyone, tightly scripting though, entertaining things, riding, and chatting to the final destination.

Missions are often thrilling action sequences or artificially mundane pictures of wrench labor and trade, full of long-winded Bespoke animations, and outstanding performances. They are only hopelessly harsh, to the point where it feels like I am following the stage directions rather than playing the role of a vagabond in the Old West.

Step out of line in these campaigns and this is a failed situation. As opposed to Red Dead Online, there are very few of them that encourage players to think for themselves, each designed to advance the story. The RDR2 show is at least a spectacle of the slow pace of life in the Old West.

This is not the death and theatricality of a lifetime; My favorite missions include shoveling, drinking wine with a friend, proposing an old romance and riding a hot air balloon. Working through a greater rut, stricter tasks are considered meaningful in the end anyway, inspired by extraordinary, ambient world-building and characterization.

Side missions, minigames, small activities, and random world events — whether they hunt great guns, capture a play, or stumble upon a woman trapped under a horse — all set Arthur’s character and setting in subtle, rich ways. Please inform.

Nested in the third act of a fully animated and voice theatrical performance, something like 10 minutes, it is possible that the response button is pressed after an artist has included a telephone. Arthur would shout, “Hell with the telephone!” It is an optional activity, a long one, and an option is to react in that short window. I think most players will remember this, but this is Canad Response 1 through 3 because this is something Arthur would say, a rageless goofy set his way in the right way.

He would write complete, real diary entries about the 50-hour campaign, sketching memorable scenes and depicting the state of affairs of his chosen family, which people once knew changed their fortunes between hope and despair. It is meant to be a completely alternative reading, but a refreshingly intimate take on a masculine figure that unsettles many doubts and hopes as to the next person.

He sings himself on a lonely ride and lowers his old body in the mirror. He will have an exciting conversation with the horseshoe woman as he gives her a ride into town, both commenting on the troubles of working for wealthy, ungrateful men as a growing necessity. I feel it all. Best horror games on pc free

Hillbillies can capture him after making the camp, a couple may try to rob him after inviting him to dinner, a man with snakebite can come out of the forest by stumbling and tell him to suck venom is. These haphazard encounters portray brutal life on the fading frontier, as nature pushes back against inner poppers who want to change it. Arthur is the perfect vessel to see it

This is because Arthur Morgan is one of the darkest human characters I have played during a great turning point in American history, playing a playful, cruel and compassionate role according to differing theories.

The game world, beautiful as it is, is made more beautiful and tragic by how it is ready to play it on every occasion. Every beautiful vista has something to lose through Arthur’s eyes, power lines and train tracks, cut through the skies, and the rest of his life is slowly filling with factory smoke. Just about everyone sees a sad end in RDR2, too. This is a story that I might not sustain every moment, but I will not forget its brutal arc or the man in the middle of it all. God damn is it sad? An apocalypse that led to this.

Ren Der Reflection

Assuming that you are able to run it at high settings, the biggest strength of RDR2 is how it exquisitely renders the Old West setting on PC, drawing more attention to the nuanced details that make it. This is one of the best looking games I’ve seen and a rare experience that justifies a new GPU or CPU.

Better draw distance and a greater range of vegetation detail were added, making some vistas look photographic. Long shadows vary from walking or roaming between places to rides, to cute nature tours. Due to animal attacks, bullet holes, rain, mud, or rapid flow of blood, the markings on the clothes are caused by very high-resolution textures, which tell a very little story about your friends.

A new photo mode makes it easy to share those moments of amazement. The way the player rides on RDR2 for just sightseeing and sounds is an important feature. I am desperately trying to get an artistic portrait of my horse’s silhouette to sit against the moon, yet another self-proclaimed goal was tolerated by this ridiculously large complex game.

With 2080, i9-9900K and 32GB of RAM, I can run RDR2 mostly on ultra settings with some resource-intensive settings completely off or switched off. But some hardware combinations are proving troublesome for RDR2, leading to random crashes in some APIs and, more recently, to a hotfix, leading to hitching problems for some 4-core CPUs.

During the first weekend, I couldn’t spend more than an hour without crashing on the desktop, though Vulcan switched from DX12 (which gives me better framerates) back to static stuff. Sometimes the UI malfunctions and I cannot select a select or purchase option, the map fails to appear, or I get paged unexpectedly from game servers.

The graphics settings are almost too much as well, and probably confusing. In our test, only a handful of settings affected performance by more than 1-2 percent. Large residuals, the mapping between MSAA, volumetric lighting, and parallax occlusion, affect performance by 5 to 25 percent. Most of them don’t make a big visual difference anyway and are best left out.

The way the settings are presented is made to feel underdeveloped: a huge list with unclear presets that require tinkering to make RDR2 run in a satisfactory framerate. It is hard. The PC should be the best place to play, not the best place to play, after all, after a few patches. It’s a shame for a game to look good. upcoming pc games

Cowboy poetry Red Dead Redemption 2 PC

Like in singleplayer mode, in Red Dead Online I can make my goals reasonable and watch them. The problem is, it is basically hamstrung by a frustrating multiplayer leveling system that locks basic equipment and cosmetics behind long XP requirements that can meet hours, perhaps days,

The option is spending gold, premium currency, items and clothing to unlock them immediately. A fishing pole is not available until level 14. A damn fishing pole in an outdoor recreation game. This is not spectacular and is a terrible way to invest players.

out a basic suite of tools (fishing rod, bow, varmint rifle, nice hat, etc.), Red Dead Online opened up widely. I have largely ignored traditional matchmaking modes such as gunfights and horse races, cheap thrills, I will play much better versions in different games, to have fun. It led to the most inventive, serene, real, and sometimes buzzing echo I’ve ever had.

I once walked into the middle of a fire in Blackwater and took the player corpses one by one to the church cemetery. Some were captured and participated in the ‘burial’ of their friends. A corpse thanked me for the gesture. Later, in an extended streak of criminal activity, my pose and I caught another player and instead of killing them on the spot, we rode into the swamp and threw them into the garter infected waters. I got the idea to act like a friend. Best pc games 2017

On a less absurd note, I set myself a constant goal of earning strictly enough money from hunting to buy cool-weather gear and a fine rifle. I am going to hike in the mountains and find the best way to hide there, a wild mountain man adorned with animal skins, which almost touches the floor.

In the meantime, I’m stopping gunmen across the city by running through the streets and calling for a parley. I am participating in an eight-player ballroom. I am living the life of a normal cowboy in the best shepherd game. I hope it clears up soon.

RDR2 PC System Requirements

OS : Windows 7 SP1 64bit

Graphics   Nvidia GeForce GTX 770 2GB / AMD Radeon R9 280

Processor:   Intel Core i5-2500K / AMD FX-6300

Memory:    8 GB RAM

DirectX:   Version 11 Or 12 Support

Storage: 150 GB

[lunarmoonflowyr]

Because I’m bored I’m going to write down a bunch of my passive thoughts on a new game I started playing and because once I start making streaming/youtube content related to viddy game I might make a video on this

Vambrace: Cold Soul Initial Impressions

Vambrace: Cold Soul is a game by Devespresso Games, an independent game developer based out of Seoul, South Korea who’s other notable titles seem to be a series of horror adventure games titled “The Coma”. 

Vambrace however, is a game far more akin to something like Darkest Dungeon in visual style and gameplay design however the Steam store page description has it claiming to be inspired by “the gothic fantasy of Castlevania, the deep lore of a series like The Elder Scrolls, the replayability of roguelites like FTL: Faster Than Light, and the sweeping, character-driven epics of our favorite JRPGs.”

This is going to be a small writeup of my initial impressions after 2 hours of the game. 

THE STORY SO FAR

We are a woman named Evelia Lyric, although she just goes by Lyric most of the time so that’s what I’ll be referring to her as throughout the rest of this writeup. Lyric immediately begins showing tell-tale signs of “JRPG Protagonist Syndrome”, as she:

1. Survives being passed out in a freezing arctic-like environment while wearing what could maybe be called clothing for a slightly harsh winter in New England, and comes out of it with barely any complications to speak of

2. Has an (allegedly) famous father who leaves her a Mysterious Book That No One Can Read, and the titular Vambrace, which is now apparently fused to her arm, that lets her pass through what the game refers to as the “Frostfell”, a massive magical ice barrier surrounding the city of “Icenaire” that apparently kills anyone who touches it. Apparently she can also one-shot evil ghosts with it, but only in the narrative. She did it in a cutscene once, and so far that hasn’t translated to gameplay.

3. Has so-far-unmentioned heterochromia

4. Gets a high-ranking soldier to trust her almost immediately when only one brief conversation ago he had a suspicion that she was a spy for “The Green Flame”, apparently some rival faction that’s very, very Not Good. 

Getting confused by all the random names yet? Trust me, it doesn’t really get much better. This game’s story shows a lot of the very painful signs of an over-written, over-developed fantasy world that someone very obviously put a lot of time and love into, but didn’t really know where to stop.

Names, places, and concepts are thrown at you non-stop with a new one being introduced almost every dialogue sequence if you spend time talking to the locals of Icenaire once you convince the guard captain to let you go wandering the streets. You can also find random lore pages strewn around the place that add even more lore on top of everything else. 

It all gets to be so dense and confusing you almost completely lose track of what the actual, present-day story is. The game has no trouble throwing random scraps of lore at you, full of names that mean nothing, but when it comes to actually explaining what the hell is going on right now, it falls a bit short. Here’s my understanding so far. 

Lyric’s father has either died or mysteriously disappeared, I can’t remember which, and she’s been left a letter, a book, and the titular Vambrace. The book is referred to in the game mechanics as “The Codex” and is referred to by NPCs as a “book that nobody can read”, because apparently foreign languages don’t exist in this world, yet so far I’ve counted 6 or 7 distinct fantasy races that apparently all speak the exact same language all the time. 

The vambrace has fused itself to Lyrics arm, and her fathers letter tells her to go to Icenaire (I have no fucking clue what that name is supposed to mean by the way, and it sounds really fucking awkward to say so it has to mean -something-. The “ice” part is pretty self-explanatory if a little on the nose, the entire game takes place in what appears to be an apocalypse along the lines of if you took the events of “Frozen” and turned it up to 11, but the only insight I could get on the “naire” part is that it’s from the Irish Gaelic word “náire” which means something along the lines of “ashamed” or “to have shame”. So this city is basically named “ice-ashamed”, which I have no clue what that’s supposed to mean, and it’s bothering me enough that I’ve gone on an entire run-on paragraph to rant about it because it sounds stupid to say and exactly like a city name I would’ve come up with for my crappy fantasy stories that I wrote when I was fourteen.)

Where was I again?

Right, okay, so Lyrics father instructs her to go to Icenaire (blech) and find some dude named “Zaquard Ventrue”. That name also means nothing, except as far as I can tell, “Zaquard” is the pseudonym of one of the people at Devespresso, and the first thing that comes to mind for Ventrue is Vampire: The Masquerade, and I’m not sure it really means anything there either. 

The naming system in this game seems really off, it has no consistency and a lot of it is really self-indulgent, because you find out that this Zaquard fellow (in the game) is the big head honcho of what apparently is some kind of resistance movement of the oppressive organization called “The Green Flame”. 

So Lyric goes through the “Frostfell” (the magical ice barrier thing around the city that allegedly is the cause of this whole Frozenpocalypse deal) by using the power of the mysterious Vambrace, and...passes out because of it, only to be found by a scavenging party in a tutorial section where the game teaches you how to play it using said scavenging party. 

More on that later. 

Lyrics unconscious body is dragged back to the city, she somehow hasn’t contracted hypothermia, and the next scene we’re given is an interrogation from some guy who’s last name is Esquire. 

I don’t think the writers of this game knew what the word “Esquire” meant, because despite traditionally appearing after a person’s name, it is not a surname, it is a title. So the strange and unconventional naming choices continue. 

Anyway, Captain Generic Man, Esq., interrogates Lyric for all of five minutes before believing her at face value that she has a magical super-gauntlet that lets her pass through this extremely lethal magical barrier, when he has all the reason in the world to believe that she’s some kind of spy sent by the people his resistance faction is supposedly fighting against. 

And instead of keeping her under close watch until she’s at least somewhat established some trust that she’s not a mole or a spy or an assassin, he just...lets her roam free, around the city. Completely by herself. With no supervision, whatsoever. 

As you can probably tell, I already have several problems with this games pacing and general overall writing quality, and we’re not even past the prologue section yet. 

Oh, yeah, and Captain Generic gives Lyric some free money for her troubles, because the player needs to know how the market system works and how to buy healing items, and we can’t be assed to have them come across money in a non-contrived manner. 

And the currency is really weirdly specific? Its this stuff called “Hellion”, which in real-person-language is a word for a malicious troublemaker or nuisance. But in the same setting where a city is named “Ice Shame”, “Hellion” is apparently some kind of magical incense that the fox people burn to appease their gods. 

Oh yeah there’s a race of fox people in this game. They run the markets. They’re less full on furries and more like regular humanoids, but with fox ears, a tail, and pointy teeth, so like that weird halfway “haha guys look I’m totally not a furry” deal thats basically just “catgirls but with a different animal”. 

Anyway. 

You’re given a fat stack of cash and told to go buy yourself some food from the market, because we need to give you a tutorial on how to buy shit. 

So you go to the market and are taught by a smooth-talking fox-man-person-thing how to buy things at a market, after which you are immediately spotted by the only guard in the city with an ounce of sense who instantly goes “Hey holy shit isn’t that the person that literally nobody recognizes in this city that’s been cut off from the outside world for presumably several years at this point and the only other known faction that has the resources to keep a human alive is one we’re actively at war with?” and throws your ass right back in jail. 

By the way, the things you can choose to buy at the market are all pretty typical JRPG items that heal stat debuffs, or are basically different flavors of health potion that restore different amounts of health, and for any seasoned JRPG veteran it’s pretty easy to guess what items do what and how they function (sort of) but there’s plenty of unique-to-this-game stat conditions and the way the health mechanic works is kinda wonky, and the game asks you to buy your healing items before it even explains to you how the hell that part of the game actually works. 

I’ll go more in-depth to the gameplay once I finish this story synopsis but I just felt like pointing out that at this point you’ve been walked through some of the basic mechanics of the game and some of the combat, but the part of the game that deals with debuffs and HP and how you deal with those things hasn’t been explained yet. 

This game is very weird. 

Anyway, during the attempt to throw your ass back in jail, some shit is going down in the room that has the elevator to the surface (yeah apparently this city is like, underground. They don’t actually explain why, or how, or if it was like that before the Frozenpocalypse or if the Frozenpocalypse buried it, and if it was buried, how the hell did it get excavated so cleanly like this and why are all the buildings intact? Whatever, apparently the game doesn’t consider this important, which is weird considering all the random lore tidbits it does deem important, so we’re moving on now.)

OH hold on let me backtrack a bit. While you’re being let out of your jail cell because Captain Generic just felt like it apparently, you walk up to this other jail cell with a goth chick inside it and you’re told she’s an Extremely Powerful Bad Guy, Do Not Fuck With Her. 

So, as you arrive at the elevator to the surface, guess who just made an escape and caused a spooky ghost person to invade the city and injure two people! That’s right, Spooky Not-So-Jailed-Anymore Goth Chick! Who’s name is Isabel Salazar, and it’s really saying something that that’s the most normal name we’ve encountered so far in this god forsaken game. 

So you’re now face-to-face with a spooky ghost. You think you’re about to get into a combat section, you’ve been taught how to do combat, but nope! Lyric just waltzes up to the fucker and smacks him in the face with her Vambrace hand and it...melts...him? Just, with absolutely zero fanfare? 

Uh. Sure. Alright. Weird, do we get some kind of special attack that hurts ghosts? Guess we’ll find out. 

So the guard who was trying to arrest you, a redhead with pointy ears who’s very obviously an elf but hasn’t directly been called an elf in-game yet so I’m not sure if we’re using that word but fuck it she’s an elf, who’s name is Celest. That’s all, I don’t remember if she’s given a last name. 

Celest is reprimanded by Captain Generic, Esq. for trying to re-arrest the possible spy who was let go with literally no actual forethought put into it, and she’s understandably miffed, and Captain Generic tells you to come meet him in the war room because “someone is very interested in meeting you.” 

This leads nicely into the scene where our protagonist meets the leader of this massive underground (literally) resistance movement, who, upon hearing our surname and being told we’re the daughter of Some Random Guy, immediately trusts us to go after Isabel and lead an expedition all on our lonesome with a party of random soldiers we get to pick from a “help wanted” board instead of, I dunno, maybe sending some actual soldiers with us. 

This leader is the previously mentioned Zaquard Vampire Clan Man, who looks exactly how you’d expect a self-insert resistance leader to look, a young white-haired anime boy looking dude who’s bangs cover his eyes and we can’t see them. And he has earrings. 

Farquaad here apparently knew about our dad, and our dad was apparently the lead researcher about Archons (?) and the Vambrace is an Archonian (???) artifact (also they spell it “artefact” in the game and I hate it, they also say “magick” and it makes me want to find whoever was in charge of writing this and punch them) so that’s why he trusts us now, apparently. 

We are then tasked with a mission to go retrieve Evil Goth Chick, who apparently is going to go tell these Green Flame fellows the location of our massive underground city secret base, which is somehow super duper secret despite being huge. 

Keep in mind that this entire game’s setting is allegedly one massive city, it’s not like Eragon where the big inside-the-mountain Dwarf city was kept secret from Galbatorix, because that at least had the justification of being halfway across the entire fucking continent from the Empire as well as being on the other side of a massive fucking desert. 

This is all apparently one huge city! And the “secret underground base” is kinda big itself! It doesn’t make sense that its some big secret!

Ugh, whatever, if I keep harping on about every bit of the narrative that doesn’t make any fucking sense when you think about it for more than ten seconds I’m going to give myself a stroke so now that I’ve caught you up to where I am in the story, let’s move onto the gameplay. 

THE GAMEPLAY

If you’re at all familiar with Darkest Dungeon (a much better game) the gameplay is most similar in style to that. You have a party of 4 adventurers, you walk through room after room of a connected “dungeon” except in this case its neighborhood streets and buildings, find treasure, manage the balance of treasure in your inventory vs healing and utility items, and you have combat. 

Let’s talk about the combat first, because its the part I like most about this game and the reason I’m probably going to keep playing it. 

Vambrace takes a similar approach to Darkest Dungeon in that each character has a certain number of skills at their disposal, being limited in use by where the character is standing in the party order and what position slots in the opposing party they can target. 

When you get into combat, the party orders will look like this, with your party on the left and the opposing party on the right. 

4-3-2-1-1-2-3-4

The skills are divided into three range categories.

- Short or melee range skills can only be used in position 1 and 2 and can only target positions 1 and 2 on the opposing side unless those two positions are empty, in which case they can target 3 and 4. 

- Medium range skills can be used from any position, but can only target positions 1 and 2. 

- Long range skills can be used from any position and can target any position. 

Some skills also take flourish points to use, and characters build up flourish points throughout encounters by using their basic skill. 

Different characters have different classes, which determine different skills they’re able to use. 

This is a basically solid combat system, as proven by Darkest Dungeon, however Vambrace falls short of DD in two ways:

The first is Darkest Dungeon’s position system, and its supplementary corpse system, work slightly differently. Position order is the same, however, there can be no empty spaces breaking the line. If the line would be broken, units that are furthest back move forward to close the line. 

So say you encounter 4 enemies, so positions 1-2-3-4 are all fully occupied. If you kill the enemy in position 2, the enemies in positions 3 and 4 will move forward to fill in the blank space, so now only positions 1-2-3 are occupied. 

This is mitigated in Darkest Dungeon by the corpse system, when you kill an enemy it leaves a corpse behind, which fills up the space and prevents the backline from moving forward. However there are several skills in DD that remove corpses as part of the effect. 

This opens up different paths to take in terms of strategy. In both Vambrace and Darkest Dungeon, the 3 and 4 positions are usually filled by the more deadly foes, the enemies that take those positions usually cause debuffs to your party or have a higher damage output. 

However, in Darkest Dungeon, you can either run a strong backline of your own and try to eliminate the opposing backline quickly, or you can run a strong frontline and a more supportive backline to try and take out the frontline, and then wipe out the corpses, pushing the backline units to the front and making all their skills basically useless, since most enemies that stick to the back in DD have maybe one attack that they can use in position 1 or 2, and it’s usually not a very good attack. 

There are also attacks in DD that you can use to force the enemy to shuffle positions, bringing the backline to the front and crippling them without even touching the tanky frontline. 

However, in Vambrace, positions are static on the enemy side. When you kill enemies in front, the backline enemies stay in the backline. This leads to a much more limited strategy, where you pretty much only want to focus the backline first, and the frontline afterwards. 

There’s also the matter of turn order. Characters with a higher Awareness stat (more on stats in a second) get a bonus on their initiative and can go higher in the turn order, beyond that I’m not actually sure what factors are involved in determining this. However, the turn order itself is transparently displayed in the bottom center of the screen during combat, telling you very clearly which position on which side gets the next move, which helps out a lot with planning out your encounters.

Once you get the hang of it though, Vambrace’s combat is still enjoyable, and I’d say the aesthetic and environment around it makes it different enough from Darkest Dungeon that I can enjoy playing both for different reasons. Vambrace far more embraces certain JRPG aspects, for instance. 

Speaking of which, lets talk stats. 

Before I do though I want to talk about one of my biggest gripes with the game so far, and that’s the fact that its interface is terrible. This game doesn’t have a menu for keybinds, it doesn’t let you re-bind things, and its control scheme is a little awkward to say the least. 

It also hides a lot of information to be only accessible in the tutorial pages, which you can access at any time in the pause menu, but it makes things tedious because this game has a lot of smaller things to keep track of.

Each character has 5 stats. Combat, Sleight, Merchantry, Awareness, and Overwatch, and each one has a different impact on the game. 

Combat is fairly self explanatory, it determines how good your character is at fighting. 

Sleight determines how good the character is at scavenging, and it affects the quality of loot you find in containers.

Merchantry affects buying and selling, the higher the merchantry, the cheaper stuff is to buy and the more people pay for your junk. 

Awareness determines how well you can avoid traps

And Overwatch determines how good your character is at managing the party during camping.

Your stats can also affect the outcomes of certain random events that can trigger throughout the dungeons, although I’ve only encountered a handful of them so far.

Speaking of camping, one of the most under-explained mechanics in this game is the camping mechanic, and my first and only death so far has been because of a failure to properly explain said mechanic, causing me to fuck it up 3 times before I did it right, and because camping is actually extremely vital to success in this game, it caused me to die and fail the mission. 

Any healing items in your inventory cannot be used on the fly, they are only usable during a camping session. You can initiate a camping session upon finding a suitable spot for one, which you can either randomly find in the generated rooms of a “dungeon”, or in between the “dungeons” on a mission in shelters where you get sort of a mini-camp session. 

A full camping session involves you selecting the character with the highest Overwatch skill to manage said session. You need to do three specific things to maximize your sessions effectiveness, and these things are not properly tutorialized and are easy to misunderstand or miss out altogether. When the camping session starts, the character you’ve chosen to manage the whole thing starts out by standing in front of the campfire, with an “interact” icon hovering above it. 

Do not interact with the campfire. It will end the camping session immediately and you cannot redo it, you will have to find a new campsite. 

Instead, you need to find the interact icon for sleep and the icon for music. The first one will restore the HP of your whole party equal to your session leader’s Overwatch skill provided it goes without incident, and the second one will restore the Vigor of your whole party equal to the session leader’s Overwatch skill. 

Oh. Right, Vigor. 

Vambrace has 2 health bars essentially. There’s your Hit Points (HP), and then there’s Vigor. HP works how you think it does, you take damage in combat or from poison or traps and if you hit 0 you die. 

Vigor is basically a worse version of the Stress mechanic from Darkest Dungeon, but instead of ticking up as your characters get more and more stressed out, their Vigor essentially goes down as you walk through the various dungeon rooms, and certain debuffs and traps can reduce it as well. 

Once you’ve done both a sleep and a music session, you then need to open up your inventory and use the appropriate healing items to cover up whatever those two things didn’t get. If one character was particularly badly hurt and needs extra patching up after a nap, do it with healing items now. You cannot use healing items outside of a camping session, so do it now. 

You can also only use status healing items here too, and status ailments don’t go away with a nap. 

Only once you have done those three things should you interact with the campfire again, ending the camping session and continuing on with the dungeon. 

The Other Stuff

The other reason besides the gameplay being interesting enough that I plan on continuing to play this game is that the art direction and the sound design are actually very, very well done, with a feeeeew small exceptions. 

Let’s start with the art direction. 

Visually, the game looks fantastic. It’s as if you took the visual style of Darkest Dungeon but made it more anime-esque and less horrifying, more pleasant to look at. It’s really pretty and well stylized, and is a style that will hold up visually even when graphical advancements outpace it. 

The character designs are also all fairly unique, if a little over-designed sometimes. You can pick out all the named characters on sight alone, they’re all visually distinct from each other and are easily recognizable. 

The sound design is also, for the most part, really really good. The ambient noise is a good quality, the audio is well balanced and none of it really grates on my ears, and some of it is actually pretty nice to listen to.

The music in the game so far is also good, and while I haven’t come across any tracks that made me want to just sit there and listen to it on loop for a few minutes, I also haven’t found any tracks that made me go “oh god oh god make it stop”

The only part of the audio I have a problem with is...the voice acting. It’s only shown up in a few very small cutscene bits so far, mostly the initial opening scene, but I can’t really put my finger on what’s wrong with it. The only character who’s spoken so far is Lyric, and I really am finding it hard to say exactly why her voice-acted dialogue bothers me, but it really grated on my ears and I was glad when the cutscene ended. 

I think it was a mixture of the quality of the audio, it didn’t sound professionally recorded although I’ll grant it that it wasn’t “Skyrim mod voice acted by the modder” level of terrible, but it still left a lot to be desired. The other part that got to me was just the style with which the actress was talking, however I can’t really pinpoint if it was just the stilted dialogue she was stuck with, if the direction was bad, or if she just didn’t really have much of an idea what she was doing. 

She had a very monotonous voice throughout, and while she wasn’t speaking flatly or like she was bored, it was moreso that kind of voice people give characters like Sasuke in fandubs, where they’re overly mopey and Serious™ which kinda takes the oomph out of lines that should have had the more somber tone. 

Overall Thoughts and Opinions

Keep in mind this is all based on the first 2 hours of gameplay, and that I’ll probably post a more detailed version of this (or make a video) once I’m either a lot further into the game or I beat it. 

I don’t hate the game. I think the writing is completely overdone and obnoxious, and has way, way too much lore and way too many things going on without focusing on the more narrow plotline, and I have a huge problem with the very very inconsistent naming scheme, but aside from those two specific criticisms, I’ve definitely seen worse writing. 

And it’s not like the characters aren’t endearing in that “this character 1000% slots into a very specific JRPG trope but I’m here for it” sort of way. I did enjoy what I got to see of Lyric and the other named characters, even though they were completely stereotypical and Lyric comes off as a bit of a Mary Sue. 

So far the writing is very flawed, but in a tolerable way. I’d much more rather play a game written with love and care and have the flaws come from human error rather than a game that was written by committee to be as bland and appealing to as wide an audience as possible without offending anyone. 

The gameplay definitely isn’t as deep as it could be, but the out-of-combat mechanics actually do require a lot of forethought and planning once you actually understand them. 

That’s probably my biggest criticism of the game outside of the writing, the game has a pretty decent tutorial that tries to explain everything, but the UI design and how the game presents its information outside of the tutorial works against that and forces you to memorize things and constantly refer back to the tutorial pages. 

There’s a lot of quality-of-life things that are missing that shouldn’t be. The ability to rebind keys, the ability to even check a simple menu solely dedicated to the keybinds instead of sifting back through the tutorials trying to figure out what fucking key you need to press for things is. 

There’s no hover-over information, on anything. The mouse does literally nothing, you could control the whole game with the keyboard. This is especially problematic when dealing with stat buffs and debuffs, because while you can open up your character stat menu in combat to check exactly what their debuffs do, you can’t open up an enemy stat page and are completely reliant on having memorized what icon corresponds to what debuff and what that debuff actually does. 

But if you can look past the cripplingly bad UI and inability to rebind keys, along with the weird writing, the game is actually fairly charming and does have a lot to offer, so I’d definitely recommend checking it out! I bought it on sale for about $16 USD, and if the game keeps up the current quality for a decent chunk of playtime, I’d say it’s worth it around that price. Probably not at full price though. 

[darkelfshadow]

Session Summary - 67

AKA “The Dungeons of Naerytar”

Adventures in Taggeriell

Session 67  (Date: 10th August 2019)

  Players Present:

- Rob (Known as “Varis”) Elf Male.

- Bob (Known as “Sir Krondor) Dwarf Male.

- Travis (Known as “Trenchant”) Human Male.

 Absent Players

- Paul (Known as “Labarett”) Elf Male. <Played by Travis>

- Arthur (Known as “Gim”) Dwarf Male. <Played by Bob>

 NPC

- (Known as “Naillae”) Elf Female. <Controlled by DM>

- (Known as “Nac”) Half-elf Male. <Controlled by DM>


 Summary

- Wealday, 4th Pharast in the year 815 (Second Era). Spring.

- The party begin this session, still within Castle Naerytar and proceeding upwards in one of the towers. Trenchant, still invisible, creeps into one of the rooms which appears to be a library. When Labarett enters the room next, suddenly the Elf Barbarian is struck by a Chill Touch blast from the Necromancer Kost, who had been hiding invisible in the corner of the room.

- A fight breaks out with the rest of the party rushing up the narrow stairs one by one. Kost uses his Staff Of The Undead to raise a dozen zombies from the dead bodies of the Cult Enforcers that surround the party, but in doing so, he uses the last charge of the staff and it is inadvertently consumed in a purple flash. The zombies lunge towards the rear of the party, with Sir Krondor moving to block their path.

- When Gim strikes Nar’hethi, his enchanted mage killer great sword, into Kost the battle is turned. Kost’s ability to cast and maintain spells is now greatly reduced and soon, the Necromancer is killed. As he drops dead to the ground, the zombies attacking the party collapse to the ground, no longer under his control.

- The library and all the dead bodies are searched. The party realise that the most valuable items in the room are the hundreds of rare and specialised books. They take some time to send the books through the Bag Of Sharing to Valthrun. If the party can find a book collector they would be worth a small fortune. They also send through the strange dagger they found in the base of this tower, so Valthrun can spend some time to identify it.

- After Varis declares the upper level free of humanoids, thanks to his Primal Awareness, the party proceed upwards with Sir Krondor leading the way.  The upper level consists of reading and study areas, and a bedroom. The area is searched and the party surmise that this is the private quarters of Rezmir, Half-Dragon and Black Wrymspeaker of the Cult. Once Varis disarms a trap on a dressing cupboard, large oversized Cult robes and clothes are found. An oversized set of elaborate Cult armour is hanging on a stand. A small pile of coins and a statue are located.

- On a writing desk is found an ornate silver and gold scroll case containing two pieces of parchment. One piece is old, very old, and has writing on it of symbols and script no one in the party has ever seen before or can recognise, except for Gim.

- Gim looks at the parchment and narrows his eyes, “I’ve seen letters like that before. Once, long ago, deep down in the Underdark. That writing belongs to the first people in these lands.”

- Trenchant speaks, “First people? You mean the human tribes that existed before the formation of the Aerestow Empire?”

- Gim shakes his head, “No, long before that. Many thousands of years ago. Before humans, Elves, Dwarves or any of the demi-humans existed in these parts. The first people weren’t human. Not really sure what they were. They have many names, the Old Ones, the Elder, the First Ones, take your pick. No one really knows what or who they were, or what language they spoke. Sometimes you come across an ancient temple or ruin of theirs, but it is rare. When I was younger, my uncle and I were exploring deep down and we found a small a small metal coin with writing like that on it. My uncle was a strange guy, sort of a historian, sort of a researcher. He knew enough to recognise the script but he couldn’t read it.”

- The other piece of paper is new, and has a portion of the strange Old One’s script copied onto it. Underneath it, written in common script is: “Dra-e-zir dal nar-he-farr dra-nul na-hest” and then a series of strange instructions written in common like “Use hard vowels on first word, make sure to pronounce the middle vowel. Soft vowel on second word. Emphasise the second syllable on the third word but draw out the third syllable,” and so on.

- The party surmise that the new parchment are instructions on how to exactly pronounce, one phrase from the Old One’s parchment. But it does not explain what the phrase means or why it is important to pronounce it. The party send the ancient parchment through the Bag Of Sharing to Valthrun to see if he can decipher it or understand it but they keep the pronunciation guide.

- A large pair of black onyx dragons are found but as they are 3 feet high and way 400 pounds each, the party leave them here for now. They do however send one smaller, 2 feet high black onyx dragon statue through the Bag Of Sharing, as it just fits in the bag, to Valthrun.

- The party have now cleared one tower of the castle, feeling tired and in need of rest, they head back down and proceed back to the Grand Hall. They enter the hall and lock the doors, with the key they obtained from the defeated Cult Officer. The party take a short rest, waiting for an hour. During that time they hear two patrols walking around the inner courtyard, searching it. Trenchant overhears the second patrol talking and hears someone addressing “One Eye”. The party decide not to investigate as Varis can sense the patrol is very large, comprised of nearly thirty humanoids.

- After resting, the party decide to clear the next tower. Varis senses eleven humanoids in the tower, spread out on the second and third levels.

- Trenchant opens one of the outer windows in the Grand Hall, seeing the flames coming from the Bullywug village that is burning and patrols of Lizardfolk moving about. There are many dead Bullywug bodies laying outside. Trenchant uses his enchanted Doss Lute to make himself Levitate and then the Bard climbs out the window and gently floats upwards along the outside of the castle, the black crocodile filled waters of the moat beneath him. He floats up and uses his hands to push himself sideways towards the top of the other tower. Naillae keeps watch on Trenchant from the open window below.

- Trenchant climbs onto the top of the other tower and then takes some time to pour multiple flasks of oil into the third level via a trap door. Meanwhile the rest of the party has moved onwards ready to proceed up the same tower. As they pass one door they notice a large black area that appears to be recently burnt. The party surmise correctly that this is from a Wall Of Fire spell. Stairs proceed upwards into the tower but another set also proceed down into a dark dungeon.

- Varis speaks, “Rezmir and Azbara ran through this way, when Naillae was chasing them. If one of them used a Wall Of Fire to stop from being followed, then we can guess the portal they were talking about is this way. We don’t know if it’s up or down.”

- Naillae impatiently moves forward, “Trenchant is upstairs. Come on, we don’t have much time.”

- Suddenly the party hear screams of pain and agony coming form upstairs. One voice yells out, “Fire! Help!”

- The party realise that Trenchant has started his diversion, setting fire to the oil he poured into the upper level. The party rush forward and soon a brutal battle starts that devolves into chaos.

- Varis, Nac and Labarett are fighting five Dragonclaws on the second level, whilst Sir Krondor and Gim are fighting three Dragonsouls on the third level. Naillae is stuck on the stairs as there is little room to move in the tower and Trenchant is now stuck on top of the tower as his Levitate spell has run out and the only way down, through the trap door, is now a raging inferno of death. The multiple screams of agony from the burning people below has now stopped and Trenchant has to move away from the trap door to avoid the unpleasant smell of burning human flesh.

- The Dragonclaws are of little challenge to the party but the two Dwarven cousins above are in dire peril from the Dragonsouls. Sir Krondor is getting sliced and burnt badly. The Knight Of The Anvil, drops to one knee, nearly dead, but still the two Dwarves fight one. Sir Krondor, bellows a Rallying Cry that pushes and invigorates Gim and himself to fight on.

- Soon however, the rest of the party bursts up the stairs, engaging the Dragonsouls and bringing aid. Nac moves in and heals Sir Krondor before he drops, with Naillae also throwing a spare healing potion to him.

- One of the doors, smoke and heat coming from it, opens as Trenchant gingerly steps through the remains of the smouldering fire. With the fire now almost burnt out, the Bard has come down the trap door and also joined the fight. 

- Labarett pulls out his Horn Of Blasting to send a blast of sound towards a pair of Dragonsouls. The sound rushes into the room, striking both and destroying the contents of a nearby table.

- With the combined might of the party now facing them, the last remaining Dragonsouls are eventually killed.

- The area is searched but nothing of value is found. It would appear that all the items on the table have been destroyed in the blast by the Horn by Labarett, anything of value now gone. Also the room that Trenchant burnt, with one Officer of The Cult and two Dragonclaws, all the contents in the room and on the burnt bodies have been destroyed.

- Nac says with a snarl, “This exploring is turning out great! We lost the chance of getting that Staff Of The Undead from Kost because we didn’t stop him in time and now thanks to a psychotic pyromaniac Bard and horn blasting Barbarian we have nothing to show for this tower either!”

- Labarett looks embarrassed but Trenchant bows with a flourish and a smile, “Your welcome.” Naillae moves up to him and hugs him.

- They decide to have another short rest before heading down into the dungeons. During this time, Valthrun sends back the dagger and informs the party that it is an enchanted Dagger Of Venom. The party decide Naillae should wield it. Valthrun can not decipher the Old One’s script and tells them it would take him years of time and research to be able to do so.

- After resting, the party head down the long, winding stairs, into the dungeons beneath Naerytar. Varis has detected about fifty humanoids down below, all spread about.

- A large cavern, lit by two wall torches, sits at the end of the stairs. The cavern is damp and cold, with mists moving slowly over a shallow pool of water. Gim finds some muddy footprints and Varis finds a hidden passage where the mists and water are coming from.

- The party move into the hidden chamber and explore another cavern, this one with no light. Moving forward, using their Darkvision to see, the party are examining an area of the cavern where something can be seen in the water when a Black Pudding drops from the ceiling to attack them, landing near Sir Krondor.

- Battle begins, with the party attacking back. During the battle the Black Pudding strikes and corrodes Sir Krondor’s masterwork armour, permanently damaging it. The Dwarf Knight moves away before he takes more damage.

- Gim slices the Black Pudding into two portions as he hits it with his battle axe and now two Black Puddings are attacking the party. The party work out that the creature can dissolve metal and wood, but not stone or leather or anything that is magical. With this knowledge, the party work as a team to destroy both of the Black Puddings before anymore of their equipment gets destroyed.

- Now safe, the party return to search under the water and a handful of colourful gems are found.

 <And as the party stand in the black, cold dungeons of Naerytar, that is the end of the session.>

 XP Allocation

Group - Combined (This is equally divided by the number of players who were involved)

Quests (Only quests that are completed or rendered undoable, during this session, are shown here)

- Nil

 Creatures Overcome

- Kost - Red Wizard and Necromancer = 1900 XP

- Zombies = 600 XP

- Officer Of The Cult (Minor) = 600 XP

- Dragonclaw (1st Rank Cult Enforcer) = 1200 XP

- Dragonsouls (4th Rank Cult Enforcer) = 8700 XP

- Black Pudding = 1000 XP

 Individual (This is only given to that person and is not divided amongst all players)

Special Bonus (Outstanding Role Playing)

Nil

XP Levels and Player Allocations

Player : Start +  Received = Total  (Notes)

Rob : 75536 + 2142 = 77678

Arthur : 56806 + 1606 = 58412

Travis : 67069 + 2677 = 69746

Paul : 57163 + 1606 = 58769

Bob : 62504 + 2677 = 65181 (Level up to Level 10)

NPC (Naillae) : + (1071)

NPC (Nac): + (1071)

[sigmalied]

Sig’s Anthem Review

Verdict

BioWare’s Anthem is a genuinely fun and engaging experience that sabotages itself with myriad design, balance, and technical oversights and issues. It is a delicious cake that has been prematurely removed from the developmental oven - full of potential but unfit for general consumption in this wobbly state. Anthem is not a messianic addition to the limited pantheon of looter shooters because it has somehow failed to learn from the well-publicized mistakes of its predecessors. 

Am I having fun playing Anthem? Absolutely. Does it deserve the industry’s lukewarm scores? Absolutely. But this is something of a special case. The live service model giveth and taketh away; we receive flexibility in exchange for certainty. Is Anthem going to be the same game six months from now? Its core DNA will always be the same, but we’ve already begun to see swift improvements that bode well for the future. 

Will my opinion matter to you? It depends. When I first got into looter shooters I was shocked at how much the genre clicked with me. They are a wonderful playground for theory crafters, min/maxers, and mathletes like myself who find incomparable joy in optimizing builds both conventional and experimental by pushing the limits of obtainable resources ad infinitum. The end game grind is long and at times challenging as you make the jump to Grandmaster 1+ difficulty in search of top-tier loot to perfect your build. This is what looter shooters are all about.

If you don’t like the sound of that, you’ll probably drop Anthem right after finishing its campaign. But if you do like the sound of that, you might find yourself playing this game for years.

TL;DR: This game is serious fun, but is also in need of some serious Game & UI Design 101. 

I wrote a lot more about individual aspects of the game beneath the read more, if you’re interested. I’ve decided not to give the game a score, I’m just here to discuss it after playing through the campaign and spending a few days grinding elder game activities. There are no spoilers here.

Gameplay

The Javelins are delightful. I’ve played all four of them extensively and despite identifying as a Colossus main I cannot definitively attach myself to one class of Javelin because they’re all so uniquely fun to play and master. Best of all, they’re miraculously balanced. I’ve been able to hold my own with every Javelin in Grandmaster 1+. Of course, some Javelins are harder to get the hang of than others. Storms don’t face the steep learning curve Interceptors do, but placed in the hands of someone who knows what they’re doing, both are equally as destructive on the battlefield. 

I love the combo system. It is viscerally satisfying to trigger a combo, hearing that sound effect ring, and seeing your enemy’s health bar melt. Gunplay finally gets fun and interesting when you start obtaining Masterworks, and from there, it’s like playing a whole new game. 

Mission objectives are fairly bland and repetitive, but the gameplay is so fun I don’t even mind. Collect this, find that, go here, whatever. I get to fly around and blow up enemies while doing it, and that’s what matters. Objectives could be better, certainly. Interesting objectives are vital in game design because they disguise the core repetitive gameplay loop as something fresh, but the loop on its own stays fresh long enough to break even, I feel.

The best part is build flexibility. Want to be a sniper build cutting boss health bars in half with one shot? I’ve seen it. Want to be a near-immortal Colossus wrecking ball who heals every time you mow down an enemy? You can. There are so many possibilities here. Every day I come across a new crazy idea someone’s come up with. This is an excellent game for build crafters. 

But... why in the world are there so few cosmetic choices? A single armor set for each Javelin outside the Vanity store? A core component of looter shooters has always been endgame fashion, and on this front, BioWare barely delivers and only evades the worst criticism by providing quality Javelin customization in the way of coloring, materials, and keeping power level and aesthetics divorced. We’re being drip-fed through the Vanity store, and while I like the Vanity store’s model, there should have been more things permanently available for purchase through the Forge. Everyone looks the same out there! Where’s the variety? 

Story, Characters, World

Anyone expecting a looter shooter like Anthem to feature a Mass Effect or Dragon Age -sized epic is out of their mind, but that doesn’t mean we have to judge the storytelling in a vacuum. This is BioWare after all. Even a campaign that flows more like a short story - as is the case with Anthem - should aspire to the quality of previous games from the studio. Unfortunately, it does not, but it comes close by merit of narrative ambience: the characters, the world’s lore, and their execution. 

(For a long time I’ve had a theory that world building is what made the original Mass Effect great, not its critical storyline, which was basically a Star Trek movie at best. Fans fell in love because there were interesting people to talk to, complicated politics to grasp, and moral decisions to make along the way.)

While the main storyline of Anthem is lackluster and makes one roll their eyes at certain moments or bad lines, the world is immediately intriguing. Within Fort Tarsis, sophisticated technology is readily available while society simultaneously feels antiquated, echoing a temporal purgatory consistent with the Anthem’s ability to alter space-time. Outside the fort, massive pieces of ancient machinery are embedded within dense jungles in a way that suggests the mechanical predates nature itself. The theme of sound is everywhere. Silencing relics, cyphers hearing the Anthem, delivering echoes to giant subwoofers… It’s a fun world, it really is. 

As for the characters… they might be some of the best from BioWare. They feel like real people. Rarely are they caricatures of one defining trait, but people with complex motives and emotions. Some conversations were boring, but the vast majority of the time I found myself racing off to talk to NPCs as soon as I saw yellow speech bubbles on the map after a mission. And don’t even get me started on the performances. They are golden.

The biggest issue with the story is that it’s not well integrated with missions. At times it feels like you’re playing two separate games: Fort Tarsis Walking/Talking Simulator and Anthem Looter Shooter. And the sole threads keeping these halves stitched together during missions - radio chatter - takes a back seat if you’re playing with randoms who rush ahead and cause dialogue to skip, or with friends who won’t shut the hell up so you can listen or read subtitles without distraction. I found it ironic that I soloed most of the critical story missions in a game that heavily encourages team play.

Technical Aspects: UI & Design 

This is where Anthem has some major problems. God, this category alone is probably what gained the ire of most reviewers. The UI is terrible and confusing. There are extra menu tabs where they aren’t needed. The placement of Settings is for some inane reason not located under the Options button (PS4). Excuse me? It’s so difficult to navigate and find what you’re looking for. It’s ridiculously unintuitive.  

Weapon inscriptions (stat bonuses) are vague and I’ve even seen double negatives once or twice. They come off as though no one bothered to proofread or edit anything for clarity. Just a bad job here all around. And to make matters worse, there is no character stat sheet to help us demystify any of the bizarre stat descriptions. We are currently using goddamn spreadsheets like animals. Just awful. 

The list goes on. No waypoints in Freeplay. Countless crashes, rubber banding, audio cutouts, player characters being invisible in vital cutscenes, tethering warnings completely obscuring the flight overheat meter… Fucking yikes. Wading through this swamp of bugs and poor design has been grueling to say the least. 

And now for the loot issues. Dead inscriptions on gear; and by dead I mean dead, as in “this pistol does +25% shotgun damage” dead (this has been recently patched but I still cannot believe this sort of thing made it to release). The entire concept of the Luck stat (chance to drop higher quality loot) resulting in Luck builds who drop like flies in combat and become a burden for the rest of the team. Diminishing returns in Grandmaster 2 and 3; it takes so long to clear missions on these difficulties without significant loot improvement, making GM2 and GM3 pointless when you could be grinding GM1 missions twice as fast. 

At level 30, any loot quality below Epic is literal trash. Delete Commons, Uncommons, and most Rares as soon as you get them because they’re virtually useless. I have hundreds of Common and Uncommon embers and nothing to do with them. Why can’t we convert 5 embers into 1 of the next higher tier? Other looters have already done things like this to make progression omnipresent. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel here, BioWare. It’s already been done for you. 

When you get a good roll on loot, the satisfaction is immense. But when you don’t, and you won’t 95% of the time, you’ll feel like you’ve wasted hours with nothing to show for it. We shouldn’t be spending so much time hunting for useful things, we should be trying to perfect what’s already useful.

It’s just baffling to think that Anthem had the luxury of watching the messy release of several other looter shooters during Anthem’s development, yet proceed to make the same mistakes, and some even worse. 

Nothing needs to be said about visuals. They are stunning, even from my perspective on a base PS4.

Sound design is the only other redeeming subcategory here. Sound design is amazing, like the OST. Traditional instrumentals meet alien synth seamlessly. Sarah Schachner is a seriously talented composer. 

I’m just relieved to see the development team hauling ass to make adjustments. They’ve really been on top of it - the speed and transparency of fixes has been top-notch. They’re even working on free DLC already! A new region, more performances from the actors... I’m excited and hopeful for the future. 

[tenscupcake]

Kingdom Hearts 3 - An Honest Review

I’d like to preface this review by saying I am an unabashed Kingdom Hearts geek. Like, through and through. I played KH1 when I was just a tween, and have picked up a copy every installment since (in some cases, even bought the entire console just to play that one game). I still have CDs of the game soundtracks, a few discs which have nearly burnt out on replay in my car. Sanctuary After the Battle will forever make me cry, whether or not I’m watching the cutscene that goes along with it. I’ve replayed most of the titles multiple times. Wasted away hours on YouTube watching Story So Far recaps and funny commentaries about the games in preparation for KH3. Like millions of other enthusiasts, I have been eagerly and patiently (all right, sometimes not so patiently) awaiting the arrival of KH3 since the moment I first finished KH2 – 13 very, very long years ago.

At around eight o’clock on premiere night, I took my place in line at my local GameStop wearing my Kingdom Hearts t-shirt and pajama pants, brandishing the miniature Kingdom Key clipped to my lanyard. Finally holding that blue case in my hands was absolutely surreal. One of those natural highs it took me hours to come down from. Tears welled up in my eyes at the first few somber piano keys as the title screen faded into view.

Lots of people asked me, in the weeks and even months leading up to the release (because believe me, at any opportunity, I would not shut up about how excited I was about this game), if I thought it would live up to the hype. Pfft, I thought. People outside the KH fandom never understand. Of course it will. Sure, the series has had its weak links, its hiccups (the battle system in COM and the perpetual re-releases of old games with minor tweaks, to name a couple). But with the compelling cinematic storytelling and uniquely delightful gameplay of the main series’ smash hits - KH1, KH2, and BBS – in their repertoire, I knew the team at Square was capable of pulling this off. To me, it was just a given that it would be epic. That playing it would be worth all the years of waiting. I had absolutely no doubt in my mind this game was going to be lit. As. Hell.

I’m only saying all this so as not to give the impression I went into this game looking to find flaws, to nitpick it. Or with the expectation of being disappointed. In fact, quite the opposite.

I wanted to love this game. To me, loving KH games is one of very few constants in my life. I was supposed to love this game. I needed to love this game.

But the truth is, I didn’t.

That statement has been pretty difficult for me to come to terms with.

In what few early reviews and videos I’ve found of people discussing their thoughts on the game, I’ve found fans to be quite split: with some unreservedly loving, others downright hating the game.

I fall somewhere in the middle of the polarized fandom. I did NOT hate the game. It was actually a good, if not great game. But putting it on a sliding scale of satisfaction and disappointment, I would say it’s tipping toward the latter. And as it’s taken me hours of mulling, reading, and discussing with other players to characterize and articulate precisely why, and because I think I owe it not only to the series and the characters therein, but also my younger self to leave no stone unturned, this review is going to be a long one.

I’m finding it easiest to break it down by category:

Graphics.

This game is beautiful. It was sort of a dream come true to meander around in real time with the gorgeously, smoothly animated versions of Sora and the gang that we’d previously only been able to see in the rare cinematic cutscenes at each game’s beginning and end. Most of the Disney and even Pixar worlds and characters are rendered to nearly the same quality as their film counterparts. I often found myself just standing in place for a while, admiring it all. The vivid green landscapes of Corona, the beaches and sprawling sea in the Caribbean, the towering cityscape of San Fransokyo. And walking on water where the sky meets the sea? Stunning.

Gameplay.

All in all, this game is pretty damn fun to play. It was all I thought about during long days at work: I couldn’t wait to jump back into the action. Pounding on Heartless still brings me back to the good old days. And who doesn’t want to run up the side of buildings as Riku and Roxas demonstrated so epically, so long ago, in the World That Never Was? Soar to sky-high Heartless as easily as you can lock onto them? These new movement aspects brought an almost superhero-esque quality to the game, reminiscent of Spider-man’s wall-crawling or Batman’s grappling hook, that, if a bit unrealistic, I found to be immense fun. And compared to previous games, worlds are no longer cordoned off into many separate areas, and with the sheer scale of them, KH3 experiments with a quasi-open-world style that is rather freeing.

I also really appreciate that the character interactions with your party and with NPCs felt much less clunky. For one thing, they FINALLY did away with the press X-to-progress text-only conversations that were so prevalent in previous games, with all the dialogue left to voice actors. Even minor NPCs that only show up one time were given a voice, making every interaction that much more immersive. Transitions from cutscenes to the action were also much more fluid, and Sora and his current teammates talk to one another as you pow around. Even if it’s just a warning from Goofy you’re going the wrong way, or a heads-up from Donald there’s an ingredient or lucky emblem nearby, it was still a new feature I was glad to have.

Combat-wise, this game has a lot going for it. This installment brings nearly all the combat styles we’ve seen up until this point: magic, combos, form changes, flowmotion, shotlock, companion team-ups, and links. And it even introduces a few new ones on top of all this: the ability to swap between three different keyblades at will, and the new Disney parks-inspired attraction commands, where you can summon roller coasters, tea cups, and spinning carousels to your heart’s content. What this enables is for the player to never get bored during a battle. With so many options to choose from in each new enemy encounter, you never have to stick with the same combat style or get stuck in a rut of just mashing X to hack and slash everything. All things considered, Sora’s got some pretty sick moves this time around. Whipping out Thundaza, watching lightning explode across the screen and zap all the enemies in sight with it? Wicked. Floating above the ground, wreaking ethereal, glowing havoc with the Mirage Staff? Awesome. Surrounded by a sea of Heartless, locking onto 32 different targets at once and unleashing a flurry of lasers to slash through them all? Amazing. Thumbs getting fatigued fighting the third maddening iteration of Xehanort? Give yourself a break from the chaos in a giant, technicolor pirate ship, watching it thwack your adversary on every rock back and forth.

On one hand, the hefty damage most of these combat options deal gives the game an almost Ratchet and Clank-esque ‘blowing shit up’ vibe, which is undeniably fun. But, this array of choices does become a double-edged sword. With grand magic, attraction commands, form changes, and team attacks all fighting for space atop the command deck, they tend to pile up quickly. It’s not at all uncommon to rack up three or four different situation commands after only about 30 seconds of fighting. Sometimes, the constant need to make a choice, especially in a busy battle, can be more of a burden than a blessing. Having to shift between situation command selections on top of attacking, blocking, and accessing your shortcuts can be a bit cumbersome.

Unlike in previous games, there also aren’t many consequences for over-using special attacks. In KH2, your drive gauge ran out and needed to be slowly refilled. You also ran the increasingly high risk of morphing into the near-helpless Anti-Sora by relying too much on drive forms. But here, no matter how many times you’ve used a special attack, your MP will reload in a few seconds, and you can easily just ignore the situation command for Rage Form when it pops up. In BBS, it felt like it took a good while to power up to a form change, whereas in KH3 it seems like you can spend just as much time in a powered-up keyblade form change as in regular combat.

And, because so many of these situation commands are so powerful and frequent, they tend to dominate the entire battle, making the combat in the game much easier than previous games. Bordering on too easy. Where in other entries in the main series, I usually had to die several times on each boss in Proud mode before I devised the right strategy to defeat them, I rarely died at all in this game. On the surface, that isn’t such a bad thing. As I like to say a lot of the time, when I play a game “I’m here for a good time, not a hard time.” But there comes a point when the combat is so easy that it no longer gives you that sense of accomplishment when you progress past a tough batch of heartless or a particularly merciless boss – you know, that punching the air, whooping to yourself sort of pride. I was definitely missing that, at times.

Believe it or not, I think the Disney attraction commands, though powerful, and at first hilarious, were a bit too extra. After only a few hours in they just became annoying, and I was doing my best to ignore them when they popped up, even wishing I could turn them off. Now and then, I’d accidentally trigger the Blaster or the raft ride and just roll my eyes while canceling back out of it. Because it doesn’t really feel like you’re doing any fighting, let alone the real-time keyblade-style fighting uniquely special to this series. And forget trying to effectively aim while you’re in one. After a while the only thing I found them useful for was, as I mentioned earlier, taking a break from a fight when you’re fatigued, as they give your thumbs a break and cause you to take much less damage. While they were cool at first, my final impression of this addition to the combat was all flash, no substance.

I was one of the few who actually liked and took advantage of flowmotion in DDD, and was excited to see it brought back here. But this, too, turned out to be mostly another annoyance. I’m not sure if it’s because the actionable objects are so much more spread out in KH3, or because they actually built in restrictions on combos here, but I was unable to keep a flow going at all. After only one successful strike after leaping off a wall or pole, the blue glow of momentum vanished. It didn’t feel like “flowmotion” at all, just a one-and-done special attack that tended to kill any rhythm I had going moreso than facilitate it. So while conceptually and visually it was promising, I unfortunately no longer found it very useful.

Also, and I realize this is completely subjective, but I found the form changes to be stylistically underwhelming overall. I thought the drive forms in KH2 (especially Master and Final) were visually and stylistically cooler, and seemed to have more finesse.

Worlds.

When I was whisked away from San Fransokyo and landed in the final world of the game, I found myself disappointed by the number of worlds I’d been to, expecting there to be a handful more. Though, when I counted the worlds up, the tally was at nine. So I asked myself why it felt like so little, when nine didn’t seem like a small number. But, tallying up the worlds in previous games, KH1 had 13, KH2 had 15, and BBS had 10. Which does put KH3 on the low end of world count. Also, in all three of these previous games (especially KH2 and BBS), you had to return to these worlds more than once, usually unlocking new content and/or areas each time, leading it to feel like there were more worlds than there actually were. Though KH3 has a comparable length of gameplay to complete the story, it definitely does feel like it comes up short in terms of variety of worlds you get to visit. As a result, some of the worlds where you spend 3 or 4 hours at a time can start to feel like they’re dragging on a little bit. And on the flipside of that, there are certain worlds that you technically do visit in KH3 I did not include in the world count, because you are there for such a fleeting amount of time, or in such a tiny portion of the world – e.g. Land of Departure, the Realm of Darkness. Worlds that would have been awesome to get to actually explore! And perhaps the biggest letdown of all, though you get to visit Destiny Islands and Radiant Garden via cutscenes, there is no play time in either. Serious bummer.

As far as the worlds they did choose to include, the selection admittedly left me ambivalent. I was really glad to see Toy Story, Monsters Inc., and Big Hero 6 included, but wasn’t over the moon about any of the others. I was really counting on having a Wreck-It-Ralph world (I mean, how perfect would that be?), and would love to have seen them tackle Zootopia, Wall-E, Meet the Robinsons, or the Incredibles. I’d even settle for a return to Halloween Town (shameless NBC fangirl, what can I say). The Emperor’s New Groove could have been pretty damn funny. Even A Bug’s Life or Finding Nemo could have offered some unique gameplay opportunities. Certainly better content to work with than Frozen, at any rate.

As far as the plot/experience within the worlds, I also found it to be a mixed bag. I did enjoy all of them, even ones I did not expect to enjoy too much (i.e. Frozen and Pirates). Honestly, though, I found myself a bit bored in worlds where they followed the plot of the films too closely, to the point that it felt like an abridged re-hash of the movies. I know they’ve taken this approach before with earlier Kingdom Hearts games, and I may sound like a hypocrite for only critiquing it now. But I think even in stories where they did do this earlier, like Tarzan or Aladdin, they executed the re-tellings more successfully. The plotline was altered just enough to ensure Sora was a part of the action through and through. After playing those games, Sora was indelibly inserted into those films in my head. To where the next time I watched them, I was jokingly asking myself “Where’s Sora?” But that was not the feeling I got here. In worlds like Corona or the Caribbean, Sora was just sort of jammed into the plot where he didn’t really fit. In many of the longer cutscenes, I actually forgot Sora was even there – even forgot I was playing Kingdom Hearts. Sora didn’t really feel needed. I definitely found it more enjoyable to be part of a new adventure with the characters – like what was done with Toy Story and Big Hero 6, where Sora was able to play more of an active role in progressing the subplot. It was nice to feel like I mattered!

Extras.

These were hit-or-miss for me. I actually screeched with excitement when Sora and the gang ran into Remy, and enjoyed the scavenger hunt for ingredients. And while cooking with little chef was a treat I wouldn’t want to see cut from the game, I found most of the cooking mini-games to be simultaneously too short (less than 10 seconds each!) and needlessly hard to master (especially cracking that egg).

Admittedly a Disney and Disneyland fanatic, I also got a kick out of the lucky emblems (aka hidden mickeys). I thought they were one of the most fun collectibles we’ve seen to date in the franchise.

Which brings me to one of the more controversial extras in the game: the gummiphone! While a lot of people are ragging on the inclusion of this dynamic, I enjoyed it. The Instagram loading screens were a little jarring at first, but they really grew on me. And being able to point the camera at Goofy, Sully, or Hiro and watch them pose for a picture in real-time was nothing short of adorable.

Another thing that surprised me? The game’s occasional self-awareness. I almost included a separate category for this, because I’ve never seen another game do this, and did not see it coming! But the “KINGDOM HEARTS II.9” title screen gave me a good chuckle. It doesn’t make up for all the 1.5, 2.8, 0.2 nonsense we’ve had to put up with, but it’s at least nice to see they can poke fun at their own ridiculousness. And when Sora laments how long it’s been since he’s seen the folks in Twilight Town; then Hayner, confused and even a little creeped out, says “It hasn’t been that long”. Simply acknowledging the vast disconnect between the short time that’s passed in-universe since KH2 and how egregiously long the fans had to wait – well, it had me in stitches. It was morbid laughter, sure, but refreshing nonetheless.

Um, the folk dancing in the square in Corona? Literal funniest thing ever.

One thing that I really missed? Closing keyholes. Finishing worlds wasn’t the same without them.

At this point in the review, I’ve covered basically every aspect I can think of save for one: the story. I’ve purposely saved it for last, because it’s the most important aspect of the series to me, the one that can make or break a Kingdom Hearts game.

From the categories I’ve judged thus far – content, visuals, gameplay, extras – I’d probably give this game a solid 8 or 9/10. I had some issues with the overly cluttered combat, the difficulty level, and the slight disappointment with which worlds were included and the ways they chose to play out the subplots in each. But in the grand scheme of things, all these complaints are minor, and don’t detract from the fact that it’s just plain fun, in a new league with some of the most entertaining and most beautiful titles out there.

But that’s exactly it. Beautiful graphics are the new bare minimum for this generation of console gaming. If a game released for the PS4 or Switch isn’t visually outstanding, it runs a real risk of faltering behind the competition. There is no shortage of beautiful games on the market in 2019.

And if I want a fun game, I can pop back into Mario Odyssey or get a group together to duke it out in Super Smash Ultimate. I can easily download a dozen fun platformers on Steam for less than 50 bucks.

Yes, KH3 is really beautiful, and really fun.

But that’s not why I was so excited to play it.

A legion of kids and teenagers stuck with this series well into their twenties and thirties, never giving up on the release of the next installment. Trudged through handheld games and blocky graphics and clunky battle systems and convoluted plot lines. Why? Well, of course I can’t speak for all KH fans, but for me, and all the ones I know personally, it’s because of the story. It’s always been what, in my mind, sets KH apart from any other video game I’ve ever played. It’s the only game series that’s ever made me cry. The only one I’ve ever owned merchandise for. The only one I’ve ever been so invested in that I can discuss it with friends, even acquaintances, for hours on end. The only one that’s made me care so much about the characters that they feel like my friends. With how much time has passed since I started, maybe even my kids. No pun intended, the series has heart. It contains the same sort of magic that going to Disneyland as a child did. Or, it used to.

Kingdom Hearts 3 didn’t need to just be a great game. It needed to be a Kingdom Hearts game. One that built a wove a compelling story filled with intrigue and emotion from the first hour. One that did justice to all the characters (and by now, there are a lot of them) that we’ve grown to love over the last 17 years. One where a prepubescent kid can yell a speech up at a threatening villain that makes you believe, harder than you’ve ever believed, in the power of friendship. One that instills a childlike optimism that no matter how dark the world gets, as long as someone keeps fighting, good can still triumph over evil. One that tugs on the heartstrings in just the right ways, at just the right moments, to manage to make you cry – repeatedly – over a gang of outspoken, angsty kids with clown feet.

The thing about the story in KH3 is: it’s not inherently a bad story. Sure, it’s a mess, it doesn’t make much sense, it leaves you with more questions than answers, it’s incredibly cheesy, and it retcons a good deal of lore from previous installments. But many of these things could be said of other Kingdom Hearts games. The fact that these descriptors apply to KH3 isn’t what disqualifies it as a worthy entry in the series, in my mind.

For the most part, it’s not the story itself I found disappointing. After all, think about how a summary sounds on paper: reunions with long lost characters, long-awaited battles, conclusions of lengthy character and story arcs. 

The biggest problem wasn’t so much the concept of the story, but rather the execution.

First of all, the pacing. The pacing was terrible. Almost nothing happens the first 20-25 hours of the game. I can think of maybe two scenes that got me on the edge of my seat, gripping my controller in the hopes it would advance the plot further: the scene with Mickey and Riku in the realm of darkness where you get to play as Riku for a few minutes (sadly the only time in the game that you do), and running into Vanitas in Monstropolis. Nothing. Else. Happened. Sure you run into Larxene in Arendelle, and goof around chasing Luxord in the Caribbean, but none of this is actually relevant to the plot we care about. Certainly not the plot the story is telling us to care about from the beginning.

And that leads me to the second issue – how vague your objective actually is. The ultimate objective of the game seems clear enough: rescue Aqua from the realm of darkness, maybe worry about the other two Wayfinder trio once we’ve found her, and defeat Xehanort. But this is not Sora’s given objective. Rather, it’s to find the ‘power of waking.’ Which is not explained, either to Sora or the player. Sora, on the other hand, appoints himself to another mission entirely: contemplating the unfairness of Roxas’ disappearance, he seems to mainly be focused on finding him and restoring him to a physical existence. However, this mission is starkly at odds with the canonical explanation of Nobodies in general and Roxas, specifically. The last time we saw Roxas (chronologically speaking) he reunited with Sora, and as far as we know, he’s still part of Sora. So, the mission to “find” Roxas as if he exists as an entity in the real world is perplexing. Second, lacking hearts, Nobodies can’t exist as a whole on their own. So even assuming we can “find” him in Sora, how far we going to bring him back without splintering Sora into a Heartless and a Nobody again? Even according to the series’ own complex lore, it doesn’t make sense. Therefore, the first half or more of the game seems aimless, not really knowing what we’re meant to be doing, or how. It’s hard to be invested in a story with no clear objective. Not something we can easily get on board with like “Find Riku and Kairi” or “Track down the Organization.” Just “Go find the power of waking.” Okay.

And while a lot (and I mean a lot) happens in the last 4-5 hours of the story to tie up loose ends, it’s crammed together in such a jumbled rush that it’s almost impossible to appreciate any of it.

After collecting Aqua and Ventus, long lost characters reappear on screen one right after another assembly-line style, to the point that none of them feels special or poignant anymore.

Not only that, but the characters who are brought back, many of them beloved protagonists from earlier installments in the series, are not given any time to shine.

It was promising when they let Aqua fight Vanitas in the newly restored Land of Departure. Ven is her friend, her responsibility; it was her fight. But with this taste of getting back a playable character from the franchise, I expected that as the plot progressed, it would open up plenty more chances for past protagonists to take the stage. That we’d be able to step back into the oversized shoes of other playable characters we’d missed. That when (or if) others returned in all their glory, they’d get to strut their stuff.

But that is precisely the opposite of what happened.

I mean, Ventus didn’t get to steal the spotlight for the final clash with Vanitas? By definition, his natural foil?

Terra didn’t get to exact his revenge in an epic showdown with Xehanort, the guy who stole his body and enslaved him for more than a decade?

Roxas and Axel, reunited, couldn’t team up to pound on the Organization members that tormented them? Instead, after his surprise entrance, Roxas got hardly any screen presence at all, and Axel’s epic new flaming keyblade got destroyed, making him sit out most of the fighting after all the build up that he was training to fight?

Oh, and you know who else was utterly useless through the final battles, demoted once again to a damsel in distress despite years of hype that she’d wield a keyblade in this installment, and multiple cutscenes indicating she, too, was training to actually fight? Yup. I don’t even need to say the name.

And to only get one small boss fight as Riku, when in the previous installment he had half the screen time?

The heroes we’ve missed for so long and longed to return to the screen are not resurrected with the dignity and respect they deserve. They are relegated to side characters, who are either completely sidelined for the final battles, or else just hacking away mindlessly in the background as you marathon one ridiculously easy “boss” after another Olympus Coliseum-style.

Speaking of resurrecting characters: the manner in which they brought some of them back was so nebulous it was impossible to understand, let alone experience any sort of emotional reaction.

For one: Roxas. For starters, it’s pretty lazy writing to have Sora be the one pursuing his return (however that was supposed to happen), only to have that pursuit peter out completely, and for Roxas to just appear at the final battle with no resolution or explanation of how. (Nor the satisfaction of fleshing out how Sora achieved it.) But more importantly, where did he come from? There was no scene in which he emerged from Sora’s being. So, where was he? Also, I get that they must have used the replica Demyx/Ansem brought Ienzo as a vessel for him, but how does he have his own heart now? There was no evidence to indicate Sora or Ven lost theirs again. This is a pretty glaring plot hole.

Second? Naminé. This one really came out of left field. No one had even spoken about Naminé the entire game, save one throwaway line. Then all of a sudden, near the very end of the game, everyone cares about bringing her back, too? Even Sora, despite his hours-long obsession with bringing back Roxas without a word about Naminé, sees a newly empty vessel and asks “Oh, is that for Naminé?” All I could do at this point was laugh at the absurdity of it all. 

Even more confusing? Xion. She was a replica, with no heart, no personality... a walking vial for Sora’s memories. How on Earth did she get brought back? What was there to bring back? And what was the point? Xion always felt far more like a plot device than an actual character.

At this point, so little made sense and so many characters had appeared in a row with no regard for continuity or maintaining canon that my heart was really starting to sink. It all felt like it was meant to be fan service. Bring back everyone’s favorite characters: they’ll love that, right? But the issue is they did it no matter what rules they had to break, or canon they had to ignore. Sure, I wanted a lot of these characters back, I think a lot of people did. But not at the expense of good writing.

Even if one completely excuses the hole-filled poor writing that got us there, it didn’t even feel real that we had these awesome characters back. Because they just sort of existed, as high-def cool anime hair and porcelain skin and not much else. Not only did they not get to show us what they’re made of in epic fight sequences, but there was no meaningful dialogue from any of them. Where was Terra giving his friends any sort of recollection of his time as Ansem’s guardian? Riku and Roxas making amends? Aqua thanking Sora for keeping Ven safe? A brofest about protecting their friends between Riku and Terra? Axel saying anything at all meaningful to his best friend when he finally saw him again? For all the reunions we got, it was shocking how little substance there actually was in any of them. 

It was an insanely rushed ending, with stunted, shallow dialogue, and awkward tears that felt forced rather than genuine.

KH3 is to KH1&2 what Moffat Who is to RTD Who. A lot more flash, a lot less substance, and hollowed out characters that no longer provoke deep emotion.

Characters’ emotions were not handled well in this game. Like when Sora, notorious for being a persistent optimist, dissolves to hysterics and claims he’s “nothing” without his friends. But we never get to see this sharp departure from his M.O. (because he has lost his friends over and over throughout the series without reacting this way) really wrestled with. It’s just swept under the rug after a single line from Riku. It’s okay for characters to hit rock bottom: in fact, it’s good for them. But such episodes have to be properly fleshed out, or they won’t have an impact.

Also, just my two cents? Making your characters cry is not a shortcut to get your audience to cry. It’s a lazy way of demonstrating feeling. In the writing world, there’s something called “show, don’t tell.” Making characters cry left and right with hardly any time devoted to the proper dialogue and action is the equivalent of telling, rather than showing. This series is unique to me precisely because it’s the only video game to make me cry (repeatedly). But I didn’t shed a tear in this game. And I think that is so telling. I always think of this behind the scenes video I watched for Doctor Who, in which they filmed different versions of a (very) emotional scene. In one of these versions, the Doctor properly breaks down and cries. David (the actor) upon seeing this version played back to him, said: “I worry if you see him breaking down, it stops you breaking down, as well.” He was onto something there. They didn’t end up using that take in the episode, and I think everyone would agree it was the right call. I’m not saying crying is inherently bad and always to be avoided. In fact, the opposite: it can be very powerful if used sparingly, and at the right moments with the right build-up. But overusing it, with no apparent regard for characterization nuances, basically making it your only method for tell your audience a character is emotional? It’s a little insulting. You also need good dialogue, good acting (or in this case, good animation and voice acting), and proper timing if you want to strike a chord with anyone.

Which, speaking of, I thought both the dialogue and the voice acting in the game as a whole left something to be desired (and seemed almost painfully slow?), and I think a big reason why emotional moments tended to ring hollow.

Onto another aspect of the story: how it ties in to earlier installments in the series. There was a fair amount of speculation going into this game whether or not smaller, handheld-console based installments and extra nuggets from mobile games and re-releases would be relevant in KH3. But regardless of which side of the argument fans fell on, the fact remains that many fans had only played KH1 and KH2, possibly BBS, prior to playing KH3. Many people don’t have the money or the interest in playing on multiple handheld consoles (me being one of them, though I toughed it out in this case) or cell phones, nor the tireless dedication and yes, more money, to purchase games a second time for Final Mix versions and secret endings. This is not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean they are bad fans, or less deserving of playing or enjoying KH3. Someone should not have to be a zealous super-fan to be able to enjoy a video game, or any form of entertainment. If you show up to Avengers: Endgame without having seen some of the previous major installments in the film franchise, you are probably going to be confused. I don’t recommend doing that. But is it necessary to have re-watched them all 20 times, speculated for hours on blogs and message boards, and read decades worth of Avengers comics to be able to understand it? Of course not. Though some insufferable comic book elitists insist they’re better than everyone else because they know more about the Marvel universe, the fact is you don’t have to be a Marvel super-fan to enjoy the films. That’s how it should be. Because it’s okay to be a casual fan of something. Content creators normally recognize this, and respect all of their audience. But here, there was critical information from pretty much every spinoff handheld game that you needed in order to have any idea what was going on. There wasn’t even any recap system like in KH2 (the static memories) to get you up to speed on what had happened in the series up until this point. Not to mention the location of the final boss fight, as well as the very last cutscenes centered around a mobile game/movie that I had never even heard of until I was in the middle of playing KH3. Now I am something of a KH geek as I said, so I’ve sat through Union Cross now and done my best to understand some of the more obscure lore. But, call me crazy, I don’t think it’s fair to expect every single person who plays the game to do that in order to understand it. Games are supposed to be fun, not homework.

Which brings me to my last point: this game was supposed to be the end of the saga as we know it. Whether it’s the end of the series or simply the end of this story arc and subsequent games will follow a villain besides the many iterations of Xehanort is yet to be seen (as of me writing this), but it was established this game would be the end to the main trilogy so far. And, to have that end be the main character swanning off on his own (as some have speculated, possibly to his death)? With everyone else from the series partying on the beach like someone important isn’t missing? As someone who came into this game expecting closure, I felt completely blindsided by this ending. After all he’s been through and all the sacrifices he’s made, Sora deserves better.

Kingdom Hearts 3 was visually and mechanically a blast, and credit should go to the developers, artists, and designers where credit is due. But as a fan who plays this series not for graphics or flashy gameplay, but to immerse myself in the story, I’m left feeling cheated. The way the plot unfolded and the way the characters were handled did a disservice to both long-time fans of the saga and to the characters themselves.

I always have a hard time with this, but if I had to put a number to it? I’d say maybe 6/10.

It hurt just to type that.

I’m not giving up hope in the franchise. If there’s ever a KH4 (which still seems unclear right now), I’ll probably still play it. I’m trying to give the creators the benefit of the doubt: they were under a lot of pressure to create a great game, and had too much time in development on their hands and too many sprawling ideas and tried to do too much at once. I’m all for second chances. But if they want the trust of fans like me back, they’re going to have to earn it.

Over the last couple months as I’ve put together this review, I’ve found myself in doubt. Even, dare I say it, like a bad fan, though in principle I vehemently reject the notion someone is a bad fan for disliking an installment of any franchise they love. Am I just too old for Kingdom Hearts now? I wondered. Was I romanticizing the series the whole time, and it’s not as good as I’ve built it up to be in my head? After all my time spent waiting, am I being too critical? I tortured myself over it. So, a couple of weeks after finishing KH3, I popped in the 1.5/2.5 HD compilation into the PS4 and restarted KH2. I had to see if it even came close to the hype I’d built in my head in the 8 or 9 years since I played it last. Almost 60 hours of gameplay later, I can say with confidence that I had not romanticized it at all. This game is amazing. I didn’t mind watching 30 minutes of cutscenes at a time because everything is so compelling. So the graphics are dated, but who cares? The combat is FUN without ever being cumbersome. It’s just the right level of difficulty that there are still some battles and bosses that require multiple attempts and the journey continuously instills a sense of pride and accomplishment. It has so much heart. I still teared up in the same places I used to as a teenager.

KH2 is still a perfect 10/10, and playing it again with fresh eyes only made me realize just how disappointing KH3 actually was.

There’s an old adage that it’s the things we love most that hurt us the most. I wouldn’t feel so let down, or compelled to write 6800 words why, if I didn’t love this series with all my heart. I’ve seen a lot of fans insulting and belittling anyone who dares to criticize the game online, and frankly I’m baffled by that. I critique and discuss all forms of entertainment I enjoy: and that includes both the strengths and weaknesses, the successes and flaws. And I guess I tend to associate with people who do the same. It doesn’t make us bad fans, but passionate ones. I’m not sending hate mail to Square telling them the game unequivocally sucks. I don’t have any ill will towards them or think they’re irredeemable writers or developers. I’m simply recording and posting my honest thoughts to help myself process how I’m feeling, and perhaps others if they choose to read them.

I’m genuinely happy for the fans who loved the game and felt it worth the wait – I don’t want to pick any fights with them (so please don’t pick any fights with me, either). I’m sadly - believe me, no one is sadder than me to admit this - just not one of them.