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grave-bride · 1 year ago

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Amaya's Favorite Weird Lil' Games

Hello, I'm Amaya. I needed some kind of pinned post here, and introductions are lame and I'm not funny, so I figure what better to have as a first introduction than a list of some of my favorite games, especially ones I consider to be somewhat under-rated. That's a vague term in some regards, and can mean different things to different people for different games. Regardless these are several video games I hold very dearly and many of them are quite formative for me as a person. I've posted something like this on Twitter before, but switching over to Tumblr gives me a little bit more leeway on how many words I'm willing to give to each title, as well as many shift some titles around, and I may edit this more in the future. It should go without saying by the way that all of these games have some incredible soundtracks please listen to them sometime if you can. Either way... shall we begin?

Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth

I've been a Digimon fan all of my life, so in some ways this feels like cheating, like of course a Digimon game would wind up on this list when it was effectively my first fixation. Cyber Sleuth though, is a genuinely good video game, and honestly probably the first time a Digimon game has been "Good" with no caveats. This is a well constructed turn based, monster collecting RPG with a compelling narrative that unfolds over the course of multiple different mysteries you, as the titular Cyber Sleuth, work to solve by utilizing your Digimon combined with your unique ability to travel through cyberspace itself. While clunky around the edges, it's a fun video game that feels similar enough to its contemporaries like Pokemon that its fairly easy to slip into with a really good, quirky cast of characters, even among the nameless NPCs there are several who remain memorable due to their entertaining quips or the nature of whatever side quest they're attached to. Among the fandom there's even a bit of a running joke about Cyber Sleuth and its seemingly magical ability to turn people who aren't Digimon fans... INTO diehard Digimon fans after completion. The Complete Edition available via PC and Steam includes bonus content and all the old DLC, including the whole ass sequel, Hacker's Memory, which takes place concurrently with Cyber Sleuth but from someone else's point of view... I am more mixed on that game, but it's still worth trying if you manage to pick up that version.

Digimon Survive

Look I'm a little bit sorry about putting two Digimon titles back to back but I need to talk about this one for a bit bear with me. Digimon Survive is a visual novel, and those won't be to everyone's tastes, though it is broken up occasionally by some RPG battles, still you can scroll down if that's an immediate dealbreaker. Survive though is... hard to explain for me, especially being a visual novel, it's basically impossible to discuss without spoilers. Compared to many entries in the Digimon canon, Survive feels more down to earth and grounded, all things considered. Taking clear inspiration from the original anime series, but putting a more "realistic" spin on the general premise, acknowledging the implicit darker elements of a setting like this, and it truly uses it for some powerful moments, and across its multiple endings were willing to go in directions I kind of always wanted Digimon to dive into more but never really expected they would do. It's a very... fulfilling narrative to me, and even as far back as the first trailer, its main instrumental track leaves me feeling a sort of pained, nostalgic, melancholy, and I think the full game managed to live up to whatever ethereal feeling that first reveal gave me all those years ago. Who knew it was possible for a game to come out of development hell just fine?

Wild Arms / Wild Arms: Alter Code F

Wild Arms was legitimately one of the first video games I ever played, and has stuck with me in many ways, affecting me all my life. Despite being a sort of "forgotten" franchise, it still has a bit of impact continuing to this day, with the main creator later going to work on fucking Symphogear of all things, and the influence is noticeable. Now he's working on a more direct spiritual successor, Armed Fantasia, which does look good but it was kickstarted so I'm trying not to be too excited! To be more focused on the topic at hand, this is... a very old, classic RPG, despite releasing on the PS1 its DNA sort of traces back to a very "SNES flavor" of the genre in its general vibe. It stands apart though with its very creative setting for its genre, a Wild West inspired setting with cowboys, and samurai, and mages and ancient civilizations with advanced technology and aliens and it's all... very much, but it creates a very fascinating and unique world. It's a world that's fun to experience and explore with its "Tool" system, which may as well be adapting a sort of Zelda/Metroid like system of upgrades to an RPG, granting the ability to solve various puzzles or gain access to areas previously locked off, and in combination with this, each party member has drastically different abilities in how they function. It later received a remake for PS2 titled Alter Code F which... I think genuinely stands on its own. Many things were redesigned aesthetically, mechanically, and more. New party members and side quests added, music rearranged. It creates a very different vibe that makes it hard for me to say if there is a "definitive" way to experience Wild Arms, but I think it's a journey worth taking either way.

Wild Arms 3

Okay, admittedly this is a bit of a tough post to write after the one on Wild Arms 1, because Wild Arms 3 in many regards is just a better Wild Arms 1. The setting is mostly the same vibes, and most of the core gameplay remains, but its feel and narrative are in a world of their own. If you are a fan of Symphogear already, then this is the title that will be more in line with what you know from the creator. Though many aspects of the original remain in play, Wild Arms 3 mixed things up quite a bit with its unique take on how skills work. Spells and skills are now tied to 12 Runes which you can divide up among the 4 party members, and you can change these at any point, even mid-combat, but there is some emphasis put on planning as each characters stats are geared towards using different spells but those are often bundled with spells the character in question cannot use as effectively. Plus, the Runes are also where passive skills come from, so while you can swap Runes at a moments notice to best take advantage of a situation, doing so does mean jumbling around the passive skills that some characters may be relying upon. It's a unique system and I like it a lot, even if admittedly the base game is hardly challenging enough for it be a common problem to consider. You can sort of tell the creator would later go on to make Symphogear based on this title, because even this game feels like an anime series split across multiple seasons, with the story split into multiple Acts, each one introducing new antagonists and even a change to the games opening movie, and it all culminates in a twist villain that sticks in my head because of how much she seems like she comes out of nowhere... until you take a second look, and realize on a new playthrough she was always there, always watching, always just out of reach.

7th Dragon 7th Dragon 2020 7th Dragon 2020-II 7th Dragon III Code: VFD

Yes, I'm putting the entire series here, because I genuinely do just recommend the entire series if you can bear it. 7th Dragon is a series of RPGs where the emphasis is on the challenging bosses, traversing the dungeons they find a home in, all while using a party of silent protagonists you design yourself by picking out their Classes and how they invest in their skills. In many respects it is similar to Etrian Odyssey and that's... because they're made by the same dude, though sadly 7th Dragon didn't have as much success outside Japan... or even within Japan. It's a series that I appreciate a lot because I think it has a very unique style to it but they can be brutal, especially the first game. I've played many RPGs that feature the "indomitable human spirit" as part of its plot and how the conflict is overcome but I'm not sure I've ever felt it through gameplay quite like I have in these games. It's the sort of game where you will boot it up and get your ass beaten by a squirrel, and you... just have to overcome that, and every obstacle after, by finding your own strategy that works, and planning one out can be an ordeal in of itself as several Classes have such unique mechanics that it barely even seems like every member of your party is playing the same game as each other. (Seriously you can have a mage who casts spells by using MP in the same party as a mage that casts spells by micro-managing Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.) You can play as a catgirl.

Dark Cloud

All right this one is just a fun adventure. Honestly you shouldn't expect any deep story here, nor one with any emotional impact, but it's a damn fun time if you're willing to give it some time. Dark Cloud is a dungeon crawler, where you will be venturing into multiple dungeons, traversing floor after floor after floor of procedurally generated rooms, hallways, enemies, treasure, and traps. What makes it a little bit unique though is the "Atma" you'll find alongside the way which give you all manner of things such as trees, fences, rivers, roads, houses, windmills and... people! In between dungeon diving, you will return to the surface to use the Atma you've collected to rebuild several destroyed civilizations, turning barren wastelands into small villages, bringing the peaceful people back and listening to their requests to make it even better than it was before it was destroyed... or ignore them all and do whatever you want. Either way, it's a fun and addicting little adventure full of dungeon crawling, boss battling, city planning, and making new friends along the way. Also sometimes you build a giant robot and engage in time travel shenanigans. You can play as a catgirl.

Okage: Shadow King

Probably the most obscure game I have ever talked about, Okage is a forgotten but beloved cult classic RPG about a boy whose shadow now harbors a demon who is pushing him on a quest to conquer the world in exchange for curing his sister of her curse to always speak in pig Latin, by turning her shadow pink. It's a very ridiculous game wild a wild sense of humor, and a very quirky and charming cast with a memorable aesthetic. Sadly it is a bit of a low budget title and the game does show that sometimes with how rough it can be but the poor balance and other issues can easily be overlooked for the games absurd and entertaining world and dialogue, all of which later gives way to a pretty interesting story starring a person who feels forgotten and isolated in the world, and them learning to be more confident and aggressive by reminding the world they do exist.

God Eater Resurrection God Eater 2 Rage Burst God Eater 3

Again putting the whole series here. Each game has unique elements, but they're all worth the time if you ask me, with hundreds of hours of content and some decent stories, I especially am a big fan of the found family narrative of 3. Though the primary reason its on here is for the gameplay, God Eater is a series of action games in a similar vein to Monster Hunter, where you are tasked with going on missions to take down dangerous, towering beasts. Though these games generally are much faster paced with a greater emphasis on the break neck combat, and your ability to customize your character with armor, a melee weapon, a gun, various passive skills and even abilities that may enhance your move set or completely change how some of your attacks behave on a fundamental level. More importantly, these games all have co-op that allow up to 4 players to tackle most missions in the game, including being able to experience the story campaigns together from beginning to end. So y'know... hit me up on a weekend sometime, I am just saying...

Ys IX: Monstrum Nox

Ys is a long running RPG series and it is perhaps a criminal offense to specifically be recommending the ninth entry, especially seeing as how it is the last game in the series chronologically at the moment, and serves as a capstone for the protagonists current adventures. Though it was my first game in the series myself, and even after playing all of them yeah I still think this is the best one. Monstrum Nox is an action RPG where you are trapped in a large city, forced to remain until you can solve all of the mysteries in the dungeons under its paved roads. Though you and several others have the ability to turn into "Monstrums", powerful beings with unique abilities that are helpful in traversing the city and its dungeons. There's a lot of fun in meeting the Monstrums and not knowing their true, civilian identities, especially because you will often encounter their civilian identities a decent time before its revealed they are one of the Monstrums helping you too dispel monsters around town. Alongside the fun of combat, and running around dungeons with the cool cast of Monstrums, the size of the city and the various movement abilities you unlock almost make the game feel akin to a platformer sometimes, a feeling bolstered by several collectables spread through out the city and the main map keeping track of your completion percentage for all of said collectables. While the action RPG part of the game is great on its own, there's something to be said about the joy of running up a skyscraper, double jumping off, doing a roll forward into a glide to reach a far off building for another feather. You can play as a catgirl.

Harvestella

This is the most recent release on this list, and quickly became a favorite of mine. Harvestella is a farming sim/action RPG hybrid, with emphasis mostly put on the RPG half of the game. It's a compelling narrative that rings with vibes of classic Final Fantasy and Bravely Default, filled with likeable characters and several gorgeous locations along the way. It's a thrilling adventure that you can tackle at your own pace, going on an adventure through dangerous locations or doing side quests in between just chilling on a farm, planting crops, raising animals, making products, all to craft various tools, prepare food or sell for income. Since it is so new I don't really want to go into it too much but look... it's good. No catgirls but the gender selection at the very beginning of the game has nonbinary as an option, and in the post-game you can give become "Life Partners" with any of the party members by giving them a "Promise Ring".

#Thus Spoke Amaya

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karasuoc-kai · 4 months ago

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The Bar

This is a choice from The Manager Awaited story. If you reach this point by choosing the I’m going to drink at the bar option, then proceed below.

A Drink and A Bet

Meeting Eleanor probably wasn’t the best idea, but I truly needed the drink. I dragged myself all the way to the bar and slumped on the bar counter. “The usual,” I said without bothering lifting my head.

Some clinking sound went into my ears, after that a soft voice. “What happened, Kai?”

It was the bartender. The sweet yet mysterious bartender that I still couldn't figure out. Her calm and collected voice soothed my chaotic mind. I felt like telling her everything.

I did just that. Down to the details about the dream of my past or the Manager’s fury. Elly listened with full attention, asking the right questions at the right times.

“The scar that you mentioned, does it give you any special powers?”

I blinked at the unique query. “I never thought about it. Maybe? I don’t know.” I shrugged.

Elly seemed to be deep in thought.

“Do you think it does?” I got curious and blurted out the most ridiculous thing that popped in my mind. “Maybe some immunity towards poisons?”

To my surprise, Eleanor showed a horrified face. It only lasted a second, though, but it was visible enough for me. My suspicion of her solidified. “You really put poisons on those cakes.” I declared without hesitation.

She let out an awkward laughter and I laughed along. Who knew who was watching?

Our laughter died, followed by silence. Then, there’s a sharp glint in her eyes and she moved closer. “Wanna make a bet?”

There was so much meaning behind her words and gestures. I knew by instinct that this was not a good idea. At all. However, there’s just something about her that stirred something inside me. I couldn't take my gaze away from hers. Instead, my body moved forward and I whispered, “What are the stakes?”

The next day, I went to the bar again.

I couldn't sleep a wink last night, but it didn't matter anymore. To me, only my bet with Elly mattered right now. My body shivered, reacting to the thrill that entailed. A bet of life, huh? What an interesting game she played, and I got dragged along!

Eleanor came out of the kitchen, bringing a piece of cake with a winning grin plastered on her face.

My eyes were following her movements when I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Kai?”

I hated that Hisa had to come right now, and I hated the way the hatred bloomed within me. Hisa was an important person, the most important person for me in this hotel, but I didn't want to see him right now.

“Yes, Hisa-chan?” I gave him a fake smile.

“Are you okay?”

Gosh, his worried face melted my heart for sure, but I did not want to back down from the bet. Once again, I tried my best to smile at him, “Never been better! I had a nice sleep last night and it works wonders!” I knew he would not believe me, but I didn't want to prolong this conversation. “Don't worry about me, good luck at work today!”

Hisa looked at me, then at Eleanor, then back at me. He didn’t even try to hide his disapproval towards whatever we were doing. He didn't push through, fortunately. The male staff member sighed and walked away.

When the door to the bar was closed, Eleanor bursted out with laughter.

“Is it that funny?” I pouted.

“Well,” she managed to talk between laughs, “You certainly are not a good liar.”

“Well, sorry,” I responded with a heavy sigh. “Shall we?”

“I’m glad you have the guts to not back down,” Elly smirked.

“Likewise,” I smirked back.

Elly’s smirk got wider when she placed the plate of cake in front of me. “A special cake for a special person on a special occasion.”

“Thank you,” I moved the plate closer to me and inspected the cake. It was a three layered red cake with cream cheese around it. The top was garnished with red rose shaped cream and some real rose petals. The visual was stunning, for real.

“This is a very beautiful cake, Elly,” the praise was genuine, “You really have the talent.”

“Thank you,” Eleanor crossed her arms and accepted the praise with pride. “Wait until you taste it.”

That was exactly what I had in mind, how tasty this cake would be. I sliced a bit of the cake and opened my drooling mouth. I didn't even think if this was the last cake I would eat, I thought I would die happy either way.

The taste was just as amazing as it looked. The cream cheese melted in my mouth and blended with the sweet taste from the red sponge cakes. The rose petal added a surprising fresh natural flavor. I couldn't find anything wrong with this slice of joy which brought me to the heavens.

BAD ENDING: The Bet of Life

. . . or hell.

The only sensation I felt was hot, hot, hot. In every direction I could only see fire and torture. Ugly creatures screeching loudly, banging my eardrums. I closed my ears with both my hands and tried to breathe.

When the ugly creatures stopped whatever they’re doing and turned their heads towards me, I knew trouble was going after me. I stood up and ran, ran, ran, until I was out of breath.

#storyline #interactive fiction #interactive story #endings

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slashcrz · 1 year ago

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“ thank you. “ luciana addressed her ladies almost immediately as they began to start giggling, and his flirty, wandering gaze had not been lost on her. politely, after her firm gratitude which they knew what really meant, the ladies got busy with other things && faded off more to the side, 'distracted' with the flowers && scenery && pretending they weren’t listening. privacy, as a princess, was near impossible to come by. luci didn’t mind, not really. after all, her ladies had been her only true friends, all these years. even if one did make gaga eyes at her betrothed. she wasn’t sure if she could even truly consider him as such; he was but a stranger more so.

both of them had filled out, shot up, and matured - at least, visually. luciana's chin raised slightly, taking his words as what she hoped were meant as a compliment. he was easy on the eyes, much more than she remembered; but for this princess, that wasn't enough. she'd already been trying to scheme up an easy way out of the betrothal. perhaps he felt the same. " indeed. funny how that works, growing up && all. " her smile was guarded, eyes curious, and truthfully, luci had no idea what to think of him just yet.

she'd been poorly, if luci were to be honest, always an uphill battle with her health, her family suffering broken betrothals thanks to secret marriages && scandal, her father upset, a sibling left heartbroken ( in theory )... much drama, and none of it hers. it never was. " oh, i have been just lovely, and for yourself? " she lied, but it came easily, as easy as the smile, as easy as the polite nature, even if luciana couldn't help but find herself bored to near tears. biting her tongue to keep from blurting out her questions for her - one being, do you even want to be married? he was, after all, a duke now. he made his own decisions. how luciana envied that. " unfortunate for our families to have neglected us getting acquainted all these years, " echoing him now, with the same tone. hopefully she could get her answers without being so obvious. " though, i suppose, this summit is as good a time as any. a little overdue, perhaps, though, my lord. i am afraid i know little of you at all. "

romeo has half a mind to REGRET approaching the princess in this very moment — in such a public setting, firstly, but also while she's surrounded by her ladies. she's surprising cool in demeanor, despite the split-second of silence between them that's just as tense for him as it probably is for her. her ladies, however, have a more obvious reaction to his presence; they seem to primp and preen at the sight of him, exchanging knowing glances under the blonde straw brims of their sun hats, giggling and murmuring to themselves. AH — so they know. he's not surprised in the slightest, but it still makes him bristle. he feels a bit like a FOX that's accidentally burrowed its way into a hen's coop and, despite being the hunter rather than the prey, is desperately looking for the nearest exit. he offers a tight smile in her direction, before his eyes flick to each of her ladies' faces, watching with a mildly amused expression as they flush pink in the same order. ❝ charmed, i'm sure, ❞ he muses, meant for luciana, though his eyes are locked with the lady immediately to the princess's right. a wolfish little smirk tugs at his lips at the way she seems to melt in response. side mission accomplished. his eyes, piercing blue, flick back to his betrothed. ❝ i suppose we both suit our bodies a bit better now, don't we? ❞ he tilts his head just slightly. he had been a scrawny thing when they met the first time — his hair a mop of curls, torso and limbs too long, stretched-out by the wringer of adolescence. he's far more proportional now, to say the least; well-built and, just as she noticed, about six inches taller than she probably remembers him being. he clears his throat, squaring his shoulders; he hadn't thought far enough ahead to this part, the part after his clever quips, where he has to actually make conversation. he narrows his eyes inquisitively, studying her face. PRETTY, he thinks absently. ❝ how have you been, then, all these years? ❞

#{{ threads ;; luciana h. }}

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entertainment · 4 years ago

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Entertainment Spotlight: Jessalyn Gilsig, Big Shot

Actress Jessalyn Gilsig, who you may recognize from Glee, currently stars in Disney+’s Big Shot opposite John Stamos. Audiences will also know her from Nip/Tuck, Vikings, Scandal, Friday Night Lights, Heroes, Boston Public, and NYPD Blue, among others.

How are you? Seriously, how’re you doing?

I’m fine! Thank you for asking. I think I am like a lot of people—I move in and out of a place of deep gratitude and then worry and concern for the world. It’s a bit of a seesaw, but I think it’s the only way to be right now.

Which of the roles you’ve played over the years challenged and/or taught you the most, and why?

Gosh, they all teach me something. I do think Gina on Nip/Tuck challenged me to really advocate for my characters. When I first read the role, you could tell she was just a device, another conquest of the main characters. For some reason, that really woke something up inside me, and I was determined not to allow her to be written off so easily. She was only supposed to be in two episodes of the show and instead made it to the end of the series, or almost—until she was fucked off a building (can I say that?).

Can you show us a photo from the set of any show/film that you haven’t shared before and tell us the story behind it??

This is from Vikings, which we filmed in Ireland. The little girl in the photo is my daughter, who was an extra on the show that day, and it was so special to be able to share my world with her. We even ended up in a shot together, which I treasure. Living in Ireland with her while we filmed the show was one of the most special periods of my life. It was such a great adventure to be away from our normal life and exploring a new country, just the two of us. I still can’t believe we got to do that.

Do you have a routine or ritual to prepare yourself for a scene? Does it differ depending on the character and setting?

I have a few things I always do. I’m very visual, so I mark up my script a lot; I look for the beats and the progression of the scene. I often write the words “truth, love, open, listen” or something like that. And I am the kind of actor who does need to focus and think, “where am I coming from? Where am I going?” Some people I work with can be scrolling through Instagram, put down their phone, and dive right in, but I need a little more prep than that!

You’re putting together a basketball team, but no one on your team can be a professional athlete. Who’s on your team (players can be real or fictional)?

Wow. Ok. My friend Peggi. She played D1 for Georgetown and is the most competitive person I know, so she is definitely a starter. Then I just watched “Last Chance U,” and so Deshaun Highler is on my team. I think Frances McDormand would be up for a laugh so she can play. RBG because she wasn’t afraid of anything and also seemed like a lot of fun. And she can bring Kobe with her. Oof, now I’m sad. Ok, everyone can play. No cuts.

Can you teach us a Québécois saying or phrase that you use often?

“Bein zut alors,” pronounced BAH ZOOT ALOR. It’s basically a more polite way of saying “fuck.” It’s pretty useful and satisfying to say.

What’s a fact about the making of Big Shot that fans would be surprised to find out?

Probably that John Stamos is not a sports fan, and I am. It’s kind of funny how shocking that is to people. But it plays right into the show. It’s our stereotypes that keep us apart; never assume you know someone without giving them a chance.

What’re you overthinking right now?

Probably this interview! I am an over-thinker, I guess; I have a hard time shutting my brain down. Having a child was such a good remedy for that because I had to learn to be present and not worry about tomorrow or the next day. Children are so present for a good seven years of their lives, and they really call you out if you drift away. I liked being reminded to just be, get down on the floor, do a craft, and let go of time. Tomorrow will come whether you worry about it or not.

You painted and provided art for the film The Station Agent. Can you share a photo of a piece of art that you’ve made recently, and/or can you make a quick sketch of whatever/whoever is on your mind right now?

I haven’t painted in a long time. I thought I would during the pandemic, but instead, I doodled a lot. Here is a small sampling, and the pencil drawing is from a class I took which I really enjoyed. My dream is to really immerse myself in art classes someday. I have so much to learn. But it’s a great outlet for me, especially when I am on set and have so much downtime.

What would you do if you had to go back in time and relive high school with all the knowledge you have today?

Can you imagine if you knew then what you knew now? You’d be like, “ok, that’s a waste of time, you seem interesting, let’s hang out, who wants to buy a bitcoin?” But you can’t do that. It doesn’t work that way. What I love about life, and especially what I do for work, is I still get to play. I still get to be surprised and scared and learn and grow, It’s just now I don’t have a curfew, and I can eat cereal for dinner. Being a grown-up is just fine with me.

Thanks for taking the time, Gislig! Big Shot is now streaming on Disney+.

#entertainment spotlight #jessalyn gilsig #big shot

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sprinklesandshatters · 3 years ago

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A Review on NCT 127′s 3rd Album <Sticker>

So NCT 127 just came back with their 3rd Full Album <Sticker> and this is my first 127 comeback since I became a fan last year! Neozone is such a special album for me as it was their first album that I explored entirely. I've known NCT as the group who never fails any expectations so I've kept mine up although I know they'll exceed it anyway. And guess what, they did! I absolutely love their new album hence this review~

This isn't a technical music review—as I am not a musician myself—but rather a listener's honest takes, goofy notes, and interpretation on each of the tracks in the album. I admit I've also struggled to build my own opinions on some of the tracks until I listened to them over and over again.

I have also heard there are mixed opinions on the title track <Sticker> and a lot says it's another acquired taste. But I think it's not just that, as it can be a grower, just like how most of NCT's songs were for me. Maybe after a few listens and a right passage of time, it will grow on those people. The bottom line here is, I like it a lot! 😛

So I listed down the songs according to their respective track numbers and followed each with a bulleted list of my opinions and interpretations.

(Viewer/reader discretion: before you continue, minors, do not interact as there are few 18+ contents under the cut. Thank you.)

1. Sticker

THEY DIDN'T JUST PUNCH A NEW NOTCH ON THE BELT LIKE THAT

THIS SONG SLAPS, LITERALLY SLAPS… AND WHIPS

The recorder at the intro boyyyy I thought something was wrong but then I remember it’s NCT lmao

It already stuck in my head from my first listen from the Instagram audio.

With Taeyong opening the verse with his divine rapping, I knew I'm in for a new ride.

STICK-UH STICK-UGH STICK-UGHGHGH

To those complaining it sounding like noise music, imagine it sounding generic. I don't think it would fit as the title track. Not a b-track or in their repertoire, even. They are called NCT because they define the NEO in the music culture and music technology!

It honestly was an unorthodox, just like all of their title tracks, which I’m inherently here for.

Literally, no one does it like them!

The growls and the vocal flexes and adlibs! (You can tell it has Yoo Youngjin's brand.)

The crisp metronome sound that’s consistently ticking except for the pre-chorus and the dance break adds depth to the soundscape. I love how it’s used instead of the usual snaps.

The production quality blew my mind. Like how can someone think those melodies would sound so exquisite? CAN I CALL THEM GENIUS?

The piano at the back, oh my God—Yes! It adds this mystifying element to the song.

I'm not sure if it's a midi violin at the pre-chorus, but it added thrill to the song. It was a great transition from the bass line in the verses to the combination of the flawless harmony with the same instrumental.

"You treat me like a boy, like a grown-up child chasing a dream" JUNGWOO BABY NO MORE HUH

Taeil, Doyoung, and Haechan—the bridge vocal trinity!

But why the heck are they cowboys? I dig the concept, but why? LMAO

BTW GUNSLINGER MARK I’M ON MY KNEES YEEHAW

This is easily one of my favorite tracks from NCT 127's entire discography 💚

2. Lemonade

(⌐■_■)

Jaehyun starting off this song with his deep voice eee

The song opens to a verse oozing with chill confidence. They're like, yeah you're lurking because we’re cool.

This is such a huge slap to their haters. NCT's not chillin' like a villain, nah they're the main characters!

Well maybe they’re villains, but still ya not cooler than them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Funny enough how they could have just referred haters as simply lemons whose sour/bitter to the taste, but 127 squad's success is sweeter than all the haters' spiteful remarks so yeah, SIPPY SIPPY LEMONADE 🧃

"WOOF"

I might have just barked too wOW

Yuta’s vocals hooooO his voice just sounds so glamorous mhmm

Also Mark referencing their previous title tracks such as: Firetruck, Cherry Bomb, and Regular (it's Irregular in the lyrics) in his rap part 👌💅

I just love Mark's energy when he raps. HE RESOLUTELY BITES AND STRAIGHT UP EATS EVERY TIME HE DOES.

3. Breakfast

Now breakfast time, oh jeez!

AAAHAHFU—

Summer 127's bestie!

If Summer 127 talks about dancing all night long, Breakfast is the morning after.

You know what it is.

"Even if I gulp and drink you, it's not enough for me." oho Taeyong no you ha—STOP

Sexual innuendos aside, isn't it just sweet if someone tells you they'd want to have breakfast with you every day? Okay maybe I'm melting at the thought 😩🙈💞

And I can see myself dancing to this song as I make breakfast (in the afternoon or at midnight bc I’m crazy)

This was an okay b-track for me at the first skim on the album, but boy it grew on me wildly.

Honestly one of my favorite tracks in this album.

4. Focus

Did I just invade a private call? LMAO

The analog voice filters make it like so.

Dude, this feels intimate in the level of eavesdropping a phone call between seasoned lovers. Then you realize you hear them whispering their kinks over the line and you're ooh, that's sexy! hfgklhfhf

My first listen to this, I almost went feral because,

"I can't wait to eat you…" when it's actually "I can't wait 'til we chill…" aahaha

"Baby call me when you want me." OKAY!

This sounds relaxing and chill. I'd love to play this on a late night drive or just before bed time along with Fly Away With Me, Sun & Moon, My Youth, and Long Flight.

Belongs to ‘make out session’ playlist ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

That was lowkey a playlist recommendation, huh?

I'd be kidding if I don't say I could touch myself while listening to this song AHAHAFGHFJFJ

I didn't know this would grow on me this much lol I love love LOVE THIS!

5. The Rainy Night

Ooh, the holy melancholy!

Piano at the intro—I knew I'd cry to this.

This song isn't just about break-up, but the heartbreak after one.

The yearning; the remnant pieces from the shattering of what was once there.

I think I crumbled from this one.

This hit so hard I felt like I fit in the shoes with the lyrics throughout the entire song.

What’s fascinating is I clearly forgot the title when I mentally said this sounds like a sad rainy day song from the first listen.

Something I’d turn up when it suddenly rains, just because I want to feel the blues.

Taeil and Haechan singing in lower register? I wanna cry :( they’re just one of the best vocalists in K-music industry right now.

Could have been also nice if they added Yuta to the vocals.

"My selfish heart who waits for you to come back," OKAY WHO HURT THEM?

And the fact that they sang it so good that it translated every ounce of the emotions well even before I looked up for English translations is the reason why I love this song too.

6. Far

Hmm… What the hell?! Do I like this? Wait...

Alright!

The jumpy vibe from the first verse to the pre-chorus set the mood for this song. It sounds merry and heavy. It was honestly too much to take until I’ve reached the chorus part.

Honestly, I think this song could fit NCT Dream better, as it gives off a vibe similar to Hello Future's b-tracks. If some credible source say this could have made HF’s track list, I might believe you too fast.

Also Dream’s Deja Vu where they go na nananananana na na na~

Playful yet confident! That’s what I mean!

As usual, the vocals are insane! Vocal flex from left to right!

I swear Jungwoo sounded a bit like Taemin at the second verse that I had to replay it hahaha

I love hearing Johnny as a vocalist! SM, how many signs do you need until you utilize his vocal talent???

Taeil's part where he sings, "go nuts, go nuts, 'til we go bust, go bust" IDEK BUT I SNORTED A LAUGH AT FIRST LISTEN HFCAHKFHK

Not my favorite, but still great though!

But wait it’s actually stuck in my head???

7. Bring The Noize

Yes, they never beat those noise music allegations

HERE'S SOME NOIZE, BITCHES

I love me some noisy percussions. AND THE BASS YO

This screams so much confidence!

The build up from the pre-chorus to the chorus—FIRE!

This song reminds me a lot of SuperM's Super Car, especially with the engine roar samples and the battle cry-like singing at the chorus.

JAEHYUN RAPPING? You mean Jaehyun the visual, the vocalist, the actor, the model, the funny dude, aka my everything?! (markie bb look pls look away for a moment)

THEY DELIVERED IT STRAIGHT FROM NEOCITY THAT'S SOME NCT MUSIC RIGHT THERE NO ONE DOES IT LIKE THEM

When I said I'd play Focus on a late night drive, and if I add this in the playlist, VROOM VROOM SPEED LIMIT WHAT

OUTTA MY WAY

“We got no shame” ouh TAEYONG’S FLOW IS JUST VERY HIM AND HE’S IN A LEAGUE OF HIS OWN

You know what's so clever about this song? It's how it ended with Mark's final rap without any instrumental, leaving you standing there with a doppler effect-like post experience.

A super car on a super speed just whooshed past you and you look its way as it zips through the road. It's gone in an instant but you're floored dumbfounded at a sidewalk. That's how I describe this song.

8. Magic Carpet Ride

This song… Wow. Oh gosh it's so beautiful.

Their harmony in the chorus—it makes me want to kiss someone so passionately that I'd cry.

This makes me want to feel love that transcends the universe. Literally, just please take me on a magic carpet ride :(

The background harmonies too oh my goodness—HEAVENLY.

Jaehyun's voice is so warm and soulful it fits perfectly with songs of this genre.

Okay alright Doyoung Grande!

And Taeil makes me feel like I'm listening to old school R&B.

The first time I heard this from the track video, I can't stop replaying because it's just that great.

This makes me want to love. I think that sums it up.

9. Road Trip

This is such a soothing song for me, especially how I easily become nostalgic thinking about the road trips I've had.

Whenever I listen to this, my brain immediately conjures up thoughts of my ideal getaways. Gazing at the sky through the car window, stirring up from a nap in the middle of the ride, and eventually reaching your destination.

Oh, to travel around anywhere... (curse you covid-19)

Okay that's it. I'M PACKING UP.

But where do I go—

I could also imagine Mark playing this on the guitar and the other members sing along together, something like that.

Just Wholesome™ vibes.

I love how it evokes such a nice emotion within me effortlessly.

This isn't my favorite, but I still love this.

10. Dreamer

Eyyyy such a refreshing song!

This song is so bright it makes me want to dance. I play this first in the shower!

It reminds me so much of Elevator (from Neozone)

The horns make it more lively I think!

Yuta and Jungwoo's voice suits lively songs like this.

The background vocal in low register in Taeyong's part in the first verse is so good ahhfhf

Taeil, the R&B vocal king you are...

There's this part where Doyoung and Johnny harmonized, that at first listen they seemed to clash, but it sounded actually fine after a few listens. Maybe it's just that I've never heard them do it before.

And I think it's Doyoung's laugh at the end of the bridge? Oh my goodness I really love this too!

11. Promise You

MY FIRST LOVE AND MOST FAVORITE SONG IN THE ALBUM!!!

The first time I heard this from their NCIT Sharehouse Sitcom, I fell in love with the song already.

It sounds like something you'd feel from a warm, welcoming hug.

The lyrics are so beautiful and endearing. It's definitely a be-there-for-you type of song that will touch your heart.

It definitely sounds like a promise.

A song about platonic intimacy.

This really fits to be the closing song of the album. It's like the end of it but holds a promise that says “see you soon.”

Because they cherish their fans like that.

It's also like I've watched a movie with a happy ending, where the camera pans up to the clear sky and this song starts playing.

Speaking of ending, I would love to hear them sing this as an encore stage in their concert. You know, that moment just before the stage lights die down at the end of the concert where they send final blows of flying kisses to NCTzens. Then you come home smiling and crying.

This wasn't supposed to be this long since I originally planned to write this with just simple phrases and emojis but I got too engrossed lol. I also meant to include my own ratings but I figured it’s pointless since I can’t really decide about them hahaha

I really enjoyed the whole album and I love how they're progressively defining what NEO means by breaking through standards. It's not NCT music if it doesn't make you say "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" But then you realize it’s stuck in your head and you’re enjoying it already.

✨ OVERALL RATING: 127/10 💚

if you’ve reached until here, thank you for letting me share you a braincell or two 💞

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krreader · 4 years ago

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i found.

pairing: kim seokjin x actress!reader fandom: bts warnings: / genre: angst ; fluff word count: 1.1k+

summary: it was always when you’d least expect it that the most unexpected things happened. sometimes, in a negative way... but in your case, the opposite.

a/n: looooooved writing this! for the full experience, listen to this song. that’s where the title is coming from! hope you enjoy it <3

Your make-up artist had been doing her job quietly while your manager was telling you about the next job that you had coming up in only a few weeks.

“It's going to be great,” he said with excitement, squeezing your shoulder with a grin, “I'll leave you to it, though. Call me when you need me.”

“I will,” you smiled through the mirror, but the moment that he was out of the trailer, you dropped the act.

And even then, your make-up artist didn't say a word, at least for a few minutes. Maybe she thought that you’d say something yourself... but then again, she knew you better than that.

She let out a heavy sigh and leaned back against the table, putting the brushes away and waiting for you to look at her. You were confused, furrowed your brows, but then again, you should have known that she knew, because she's been there from the very start of this whole thing.

“You cried again last night...”

“Sad movie.”

“Bullshit,” she snorted and crossed her arms in front of her chest, “It’s because it’s all ending today.”

You took a deep breath, lowering your head and beginning to fidget with your fingers.

“I still don't know where we stand...”

This drama you were acting in was a big deal for you. Not just because of the very famous director that you worked with, but also because Kim Seokjin, BTS visual, was the main character... alongside you. You were playing his love interest.

And that's all it had been at first. Playing a role, like the professional that you were.

Sleeping with him, falling for him... none of that had been planned.

But it had only happened recently and you hadn't talked to each other properly since, only work related things on set. Not a single text or call was made to discuss what you were... if you were anything.

And today was the final day of filming, ironically, filming the ending of the series as well – which wasn't usual.

You'd still see each other for interviews, but today might be the last time that you'd ever stand close to him... kiss him... even if only for the camera.

“Have you tried talking to him?” she asked softly.

“Not really,” you chuckled nervously, “I don't even know what to say. Hey, I think I fell in love with you, sorry about that.”

“Don't ever apologize for falling in love,” she brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, “Whatever the case, I'll bring out your beauty even more so today than any of the other days. Whatever happens today, you will look fantastic.”

It made you smile a little, though it didn't help the pit in your stomach.

You didn't expect anything to happen today except for shooting that scene the way that it was supposed to be shot, with the lines that you had practiced for days. You expected to go in there, do your job and then leave, cry in your bed tonight because of what could have been...

...but then again, these kind of things happened when you least expected them to, right?

“On your marks,” the director yelled, you walking to the spot that was marked with an X, already seeing Jin wait at the side to run into the scene.

He didn't look at you, only at his shoes and seemed to be deep in thought.

Professional, that's the word.

You should be too. You could feel the pain later tonight, but for now, you had to swallow it down and be the actress that you worked so hard to be for the last couple of years.

And so with a deep breath, you straightened your back and were ready when the director finally yelled “Action.”

The scene was supposed to be relatively simple. Jin would run into the scene, you'd ask him what he was doing there and he'd give his speech.

The speech that you knew very well, because you had to be prepared to react to it.

But once he was in front of you and once you had asked him what he was doing there... things didn't go according to plan.

“I need to say something before you leave. I know it's selfish because you have this wonderful career ahead of you... but if I don't say it, I will regret it for the rest of my life.”

You were so confused, because this was not what was in the script.

“What... are you talking about?” you asked, thinking that the director would yell cut at any second because he messed up.

But Jin just kept talking... and the cameras just kept on rolling.

“The moment I first saw you... I knew that you were the one. The one I've been looking for for all my life. The way you always laugh about my jokes, even if some of them aren’t funny, the way you take care of me when I need you, even when you’re exhausted yourself, the way you make me feel like I'm the only one that matters to you, even though there could be thousands of others... you make me so damn happy. And when I kissed you for the first time, I felt like life suddenly made so much more sense. Everything led to this very moment... the past was my past... but looking at you... I only see the future,” Jin grabbed your hands, but his eyes were still firmly trained on yours, “I don't want this to end. I don't want to lose you, not when I just found you.”

You weren't an idiot and knew that he wasn't talking as his character.

This was Jin talking to (Y/N). This was his confession.

A single tear rolled out of your eye, but Jin quickly caught it and wiped it away with his thumb, his eyes now darting to your lips.

“You mean the world to me. You are my world. So I can’t let you go today without saying... I love you.”

The single tear turned into two more and then it felt as if they never wanted to stop again... but it was okay, because you were laughing. Happily. And the tears were tears of relief... happiness.

Jin finally closed the distance and kissed you, his other hand cupping your other cheek, while you grabbed his jacket and pulled him closer towards you, your fingers so tightly fisted in the fabric that you felt like you could tear it apart at any second.

The studio was completely silent, nobody said anything, nobody dared to move even just a muscle.

It was the director that eventually leaned over to your make-up artist, who, unlike others in the studio, smiled knowingly.

“Do I yell cut, or do I leave them?” he whispered.

“Give them a few more seconds. I think they both need it.”

Well, he couldn't even complain when he saw the final product.

This was the realest scene he ever shot and the cleanest one at that. Good thing they had a bunch of cameras set up with different angles, because this was done in one-take.

When you and Jin watched it in theaters when it finally premiered, you could feel him interlink his fingers with yours, both of you having a soft smile on your faces as you watched your romantic relationship begin right in front of your eyes.

#bts x reader #bts imagine #kim seokjin x reader #seokjin x reader #kim seokjin imagine #seokjin imagine #jin x reader #jin imagine #bts #bangtan boys #bangtan sonyeondan #bangtan #kim seokjin #seokjin #jin #reader #request

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mewberii · 4 years ago

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Streamer!Scaramouche AU

i feel like he’d be one of the biggest streamers on his platform- probably one of those that everyone has heard of even if they’re not into watching livestreams and all

but between those who do know who he is, they either love him or hate him. no in-between

it’s kind of understandable because his attitude is not suited/can be handled by anyone

he’s brutally honest even when his opinion may be seen as rude (to him he’s just saying the truth so he doesn’t mind if people get offended)

of course he doesn’t try to be rude on purpose but i mean it as in he’ll say what he thinks

imagine he’s playing a game and he doesn’t like a certain mechanic, or he isn’t enjoying the story;

he won’t say the game is bad but he’ll openly say he doesn’t like it/it’s not for him. it makes him seem strict but tbh he’s not that hard to please and even when he complains about one or two things he still enjoys the game

he usually gives every game a chance even when from what he’s seen it doesn’t sound like a game he’ll like. if he turns out to be right he just won’t play it again and if he’s wrong he’s a little too prideful to admit he spoke a little too fast but in the end he will admit the game is good or he’s having fun

probably the kind that just knows so much about all games and all the creators and all the game-making engines and is up to date with every single news of everything video-game + streaming-related,,, how does he do it, i don’t know,,,,

and also since he’s so popular he probably gets packages from game developers with limited edition stuff or merch from different games soooo often

and he placed the ones from his favorite games in his setup room and it looks INCREDIBLE he has so much stuff

he did a room tour stream once talking about all he has, where he got everything, from his monitor to every complement of his computer and like,,,,, the cost of his setup,,,,,,, some people already know they’ll never be able to afford that in their entire life

and he already had a great setup before he even became big as a streamer so people can already guess he’s fairly rich

also i feel like he would have started his career as a streamer without using a facecam and even like that, he already managed to get very popular because of his professional commentary of game dynamics/playability + you can tell that he’s passionate about this and also he’s very funny without even trying??

he says some stuff so casually that he doesn’t realise how funny it is

probs showed his face after he hit a very important milestone

he never considered showing his face that important but he understood why people would want to see his reactions when playing games (even tho he warned them he’s not the most expressive/dramatique person in the world and they know by now) and would want to put a face to the person who entertains them so much with his streams

and when he does show his face people go absolutely cRAZY BECAUSE he is crazy good looking (if you don’t think he’s good looking i’m sorry for your eyesight. jk i’m sorry in general i just really love him)

some people who didn’t watch his streams will even check them out because of that but literally if you come for the visuals only you won’t stay for long because as i said not anyone can handle his personality

if he sees people being superficial about him too much instead of paying attention to what’s happening in the stream, he will immediately turn the subs mode on in the chat (if he didn’t have it on already)

being rude, being disrespectful/saying discriminating stuff or anything of that sort won’t be tolerated and anyone who does it will be banned instantly

without even interrupting what he was saying before he saw the comment, he’ll just type the ban to whoever said that and go on

and his mods do the exact same. they are just as strict as him

if it ever got too much of course he wouldn’t be afraid to speak up about it and tell his chat to stop that behaviour or else, as they should already know, he won’t be afraid of banning them even if they’ve been subscribed for months or years

ANYWAYS

why do i feel like he has a super organised chat— as in instead of spamming 5 emotes per comment they all send just one and it looks so tidy and perfect

literally other streamers would be jealous of how not-messy his chat is even when he has thousands and thousands and thousands of viewers all the time

also i have this idea that maybe any of his fans would have designed him as a genshin character (which would be the design of the scaramouche we know (?))

and the little pop-ups (i don’t know the name in english rIP) thingies that show up to notify when someone subscribed or donated would be lil chibi art of that design

it’d be really cool

and since i also doodled what a stream of his could look like (i’ll show it in the future when i’m done!!) i thought that way it’d be more recognisable that the streamer is scaramouche

99% of the people who have seen him irl found him too intimidating to go ask him for a picture or tell him anything

he’s not a huge fan of taking pictures anyway + is more on the introverted/reserved side but he wouldn’t mind if someone went up to him (if he’s not busy with something) to tell him something or say they enjoy his streams

i feel like in a couple occasions he would have played a game with some subscribers and he’d like to tease them speaking with his usual tone and face (in case they’re watching the stream as they talk) so they think he’s serious

“did you watch my 12 hour stream the other day?” -scaramouche

“ah,,,, i-” -the sub

“think well of what you’re going to answer.” -scaramouche

“i-i couldn’t watch the whole thing,,,” -the sub

“ah, is that so…?” -scaramouche

he’ll pretend to sound disappointed but at one point he just can’t help but smirk and hold in a chuckle before telling them he’s not serious

(he literally doesn’t know how the hell he survived that stream himself because he isn’t one to stream for that long)

i feel like deep inside people who know him would know he wouldn’t say such things seriously/wouldn’t be disappointed in anyone for not watching every single minute of his streams or not even all his streams

but he says all that so seriously that it’s,,, intimidating and they’re lowkey like “god but what if he’s not joking-”

he’d play games with the other streamers sometimes but i feel like most of the type he’d play more single-player games

it’d be so funny if he plays among us with others and for example one of those others it’s childe

both of them would always be suspecting of the other first/bickering, especially scaramouche

and if one game turns out they’re both the impostors… people would know right away

like, if any of them tried to defend the other, everyone else would be like “!?! what is this? scaramouche and childe defending each other? scary”

they’d vote one of them (maybe scaramouche) out because they started guessing + saying proof of how both of them could be the impostors (but the biggest proof is them not coming for each other’s throats sNKJFNGKJS)

scaramouche would have to resist the urge to S C R E A M

needless to say he doesn’t like when he has to be impostor with childe

and unfortunately for him, fate makes it happen considerably often

i feel like at least one time scaramouche would kill next to childe and then report it and literally blame childe

and childe would be like ?!?!?!?!?? WHAT- NO- (struggles bc his brain instinct is to say ‘it was you!’ but they’re both the impostors??? how-)

and then they’d eject childe,,, and then people wouldn’t suspect of scaramouche for most of the game because ? why would he- blame his partner---

well he did it with no regrets and at the end when they all found out they found it very funny (except for childe, but even he ended up laughing in the end because what a mean strategy sjkfhdsgkj)

i have this feeling that even though they bicker so much and for any strangers it’d seem like they hate each other, when scaramouche does play online games, many times it’d be with childe?

ik they aren’t supposed to get along but for the sake of it being a modern au i don’t want bad vibes between any of the characters pls-

and everyone enjoys their dynamic and those streams always get a ton of viewers sjfhdsgkj and i’m sure both their chats would be good friends (most likely one’s fans would also be a fan of the other too)

very very very rarely (because he prefers just playing and talking while playing) he’d do streams where he doesn’t play anything but just talks with the chat, watches videos that they send him, looks at the fanart they make, just talks about games,,,,

it’d be super chill and the perfect streams for people to be doing homework/work/play games/draw or do basically anything while they listen to his stream in the background

he’d also be answering some of people’s questions about him or about his favorite games, or if he’s playing this new game that came out earlier this week,,,

“will you play ‘it takes two’ with childe?” -someone in the chat

“absolutely not. i won’t play a co-op game with him”

not even 5 days later, tweet from childe saying “streaming in 30 minutes! Scaramouche and I will be playing It Takes Two on my ch---”

anyways this will be all!! (for now?) i obviously knew genshin before this but, yesterday i could finally start playing it myself! so i feel like if not now, soon i will also write headcanons of him playing genshin! i don’t take requests but if you guys have any ideas or anything you want to say about this AU, send me an ask!! i’d love to talk about this and about genshin in general!

also, i was very inspired to write this by @baeshijima ! so thank you very much to her for her wonderful streamer AUs and if anyone reading this hasn’t read hers already, go check them out!! they’re amazing!!

#genshin impact #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact scaramouche #genshin impact x reader #scaramouche headcanons #scaramouche scenarios

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multiplefandomsblog · 4 years ago

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request; Shuichi and his fem!s/o take each other virginity?

pairing(s); shuichi x AFAB! reader

warnings; post-game saihara, saihara has some PTSD from the killing game but it is not heavily mentioned, cussing AFAB! reader, soft dom! Shuichi, vanilla-ish, intense kissing, mention of marriage, hurt/comfort-ish?, angst-ish?, petty arguments, sexual frustration, they both losing their v-card, shuichi picks you up, shuichi reads porn mags but not elaborated here, established relationship, they've been dating 6 months btw, they're living together, cyring, begging, accidental overstimulation, self-indulgent, irresponsible and unprotected sex(always wrap it before you tap it you fucking idiots), unedited but used spellcheck. OKAY I KNOW 6 MONTHS IS REALLY SHORT AND I HAD A DIFFERENT IDEA IN MIND BUT I JUST DBHSBJHSBD IM SORRY THIS IS JUST SUPER MESSY

note; i rushed the end and this is kind of garbage(god please don't read this), but here's a few songs that i listened to while writing this;

505 - Arctic Monkeys & Cute Panties Soaked In Arizona Iced Tea - Sewer//Slvt & a bunch others idk

wc; 5.8k+

You both dabbled in the idea of having sex, having shared mutual trust and desire for each other within the early stages of your love-filled relationship.

Even so, the obvious statements were left unsaid, and the obvious desire you both have for each other’s bodies had been left alone, never to be picked up again.

Now don’t underestimate yourself, there would be some not-so-rare make-out sessions when you both got into the mood and made sure to give each other ‘the look’, but they’d always end in Shuichi stiffening up and asking if you’d like to stop.

And like an idiot, you had always said the same goddamn thing, the opposite of what you wanted to say. “Sure, y- yeah.” Always praying he wouldn’t hear the disappointment in your voice. You didn’t want him to be upset that you wanted to continue, because wouldn’t that just be selfish of you?

Your prayers always seemed to be answered anyway, though mostly carried by Shuichi’s helplessly obvious nature; he ate it all up.

But maybe you should’ve been praying for the opposite because otherwise, you wouldn’t be here right now.

Maybe it was the stress from the fact that Shuichi’s boss yelled at him today, maybe it was from the fact that he had one of his colleagues accidentally file one of the most important cases, improperly, maybe it was because you both hadn’t fucked in 6 months.

Well, whatever it was, it had Shuichi fuming.

“This? Again?” Shuichi sighed in an attempt to calm himself, his face lacking the patience it usually held.

“What do you mean ‘again’!? I’ve told you this, tons of times before!” To be fair, you had no idea why you had been so angry either, but before you could even think or hold yourself back, random arguments you truly never cared about had been brought up.

What the hell were you two even fighting about?

Despite your mind screaming at you to stop, your mouth continued to act first. “God, why don’t you ever listen to me? You know, sometimes it seriously just feels like I’m talking to a brick wall when I talk to you.” That wasn’t true.

“Is that right?” He didn’t know what came over him. “Well, if we’re talking about our talking habits, I think you sometimes talk too much; it’s hard to keep track of what you’re saying sometimes, and it just- it brings me a headache…!” That wasn’t true either; he was a detective, he listened to every single detail you spoke out from those beautiful lips. Shuichi would listen as intently as he would during an investigation as he gathered information from perps.

But you didn’t know that. You had been too busy reeling from his previous statement to remember all the nice moments you had before this. His words felt like acid on your palpitating heart. Did you talk that much?

You gulped, lip trembling without your consent. “Y- yeah?”

No, I didn’t mean any of it. Please don’t look at me like that. “... Yeah.” Shuichi averted his eyes as he lied for no good reason.

You nodded in feigned indifference, chewing the inside of your cheek as you attempted to walk past him and outside the kitchen — to which he immediately stopped you, an urgency laced within his actions. Sudden anxiety wracked his body, and images of the previous executions flashed in his mind.

You couldn’t go.

With his eyes wide in a slight panic, they narrowed back to their normal width as he took a deep breath, pulling you towards him and suddenly pushing his lips on yours. “Shu-” he blanketed any open space for noise to escape through with his lips, kissing you with desperation you’ve never witnessed firsthand.

Despite your internal concern for him, your hands slipped up his shoulders to the back of his neck, pushing him closer to you than he already was on instinct.

Okay… This was okay. It was better than fighting, that was for sure.

You were confused by the sudden display of physician affection, but you could only get a little of you to care; you missed him. It had only been 5 minutes into the fight, yet you had been pulling him close like you hadn’t seen him in a year. Luckily for both you and him, he missed you too. He didn’t like fights. Especially not meaningless ones like these.

You both didn’t know how, nor when, but before you knew it, you had been sitting atop the kitchen counter, legs wrapped tightly around Shuichi’s waist as his hands gripped yours. A familiar, heavy feeling of arousal pooled up at your stomach, remaining there like an itch you knew only Shuichi could scratch. Shuichi was comfortably close for you to somewhat feel his phone poke at your thigh, but even so, not close enough. Clothes started to feel restricting, and you both shared the same need to just tear them off, but

—

“S/o,” he muffled on your lips, trying his best to try and pull away from your captivating lips on his, though it was incredibly hard with those velvety lips of yours.

“S/o!” The bad feeling in his stomach grew, and he suddenly realized it had been because he didn’t want such a special moment for the two of you, to be spoiled by a petty fight neither of you would remember in a few days. He didn’t want your shared story to be an argument that leads to sex. Call him a hopeless romantic but, that simply didn’t sit right with him.

Shuichi pulled away abruptly, apologizing under his breath as he avoided eye contact with a slightly puzzled you. “I…” He started nervously, gently nestling his forehead atop your beating heart in an attempt to self-soothe himself.

"I don’t want us to finally, um, do... This out of- of anger and- S/o, you have to know that I love you so much and that I-” That wasn’t what he meant to say, it didn’t come out right, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t think of what he had originally planned to say. His mind was jumbled, words weren’t good enough for him anymore. Shuichi began to prick small unwanted tears at the corner of his eyes as he rambled with sincere intention.

“I don’t want to look back at this day and- Or what if you regr-”

You shook your head frantically before he could finish his sentence, gentle fingertips tapping the underside of his head as you urged him to look into your eyes. You sighed fondly as you swam in those pools of liquid gold, a small, assuring smile contorting onto your face.

“It’s okay, I know, I know you didn’t mean it.” You took another breath as you continued, a deeper inhale. “And I know what you mean but, Shuichi I… No matter what, I could never regret a single thing with you,” His hands tightened around you.

“And frankly, it doesn’t matter how we ended up… Doing this with each other.” It was kind of funny how you both couldn't say the word 'sex'. A three-letter word that may have seemed terrifying to the two of you back then, started to gradually lose its intimidation factor.

“Because as long as you love me, and I love you, that’s all that will matter.” You lightly laughed at how sappy you sounded; wondering if you’d be this romantic when reciting your vows.

You two weren't even married.

But Shuichi would be lying through his teeth if he said he hadn't visualized you in a veil; and wow, did you look amazing.

Shuichi paused, gazing up at you with intense affection, and love for you. You could feel your cheeks heat up from how intently he gazed at you, you couldn't help but slightly shrink underneath his gaze.

Without missing another beat, Shuichi suddenly broke the gaze, and wrapped his arms underneath your bottom, picking you up with a concealed struggle. He'd have thought spending most of his time typing in that office, would give him some sort of arm strength.

Well, you'd find out later, wouldn't you?

Making his way to the bedroom carefully, Shuichi gently set you down on your back, trapping you in between his arms and locking his lips back onto yours soft and slowly, unlike his last pecks.

You could feel your heart rate speed up as he started to run his hand underneath the thin material of your top, and despite the rising anxiousness itching at you, the feeling of love and anticipation easily overpowered the feeling — though not completely.

For a split second, Shuichi pulled away to pull your shirt up and over your head, and the moment his loving, eager golden eyes found their way back to you, he swore he almost suffered a cardiac arrest on the spot.

With your hands resting beside your head, lips swollen and exposed chest heaving; he thought you looked like the most stunning human being that had ever graced this earth.

And he wasted no time showing you how he felt.

Quickly stripping himself of his shirt, you watched in slight amusement as he struggled to throw the material across his room, his eagerness becoming his enemy. He felt the mattress slightly dip and inflate, though he couldn't see anything as his vision was obstructed. Shuichi — despite having a feeling you had sat up and was probably going to help — didn't want to submit into his embarrassment just yet. He could take off his shirts, and he was going to prove it-

His eyes clenched shut in frustration, suddenly shot open as he felt a cool breeze hit his warm face, as well as the sound of quiet laughter.

"C- come on, don't laugh...!" Shuichi complained half-heartedly.

You grinned. "Sorry, sorry," You raised your hands in defence, taken by surprise as

Shuichi pinned the same hands back onto the bed, playfully pecking your face all over before moving down the valley of your neck and collarbone.

You did your absolute best to not laugh as Shuichi had told you to, but you couldn't prevent the huge, goofy smile that broke out on your face. The euphoria of having someone you truly love and trust, showering you with affection, combined with the ticklish feeling of his slightly chapped lips on your neck, had caused you to giggle.

"Is it- Is it really that funny?" Shuichi grumbled, kisses turning into gentle bites as he wanted to get you to make noises that weren't giggles; not that he didn't adore the sound.

Just not in this situation, nor position.

"It's not, I-" You snorted, "I promise! I just, I feel really, really happy right now." You admitted in between laughter.

You felt Shuichi pause against your neck, and your laughter died down as you wondered if you did something wrong.

"Shuichi-?" You squeaked as you felt his warm breath and kisses travel quickly towards your stomach, right above where you wanted it most. You could feel your face heat up, as well as your core, from the mere puff of air.

Your excitement slowly turned to dread as you felt his hands slowly slide down to the waistband of your pants, and without realizing it, you stiffened up. You felt slightly guilty of your reaction; you wanted this, right? You were so excited a moment ago, where did it go? The logical part of you didn't seem to want to chime in and say, 'It's a natural reaction!'

So you settled for chewing your lip in an attempt to distract yourself from the heart-wrenching guilt.

The action hadn't gone unnoticed by Shuichi; he knew that habit all too well. It was a nervous habit, quite often in many people, but it always seemed to drive Shuichi crazy when you did it. He never noticed when others did, as he was constantly too busy staring straight at you like a boy with a hopeless crush.

But look at him now.

Shuichi from 6 months ago probably wouldn't believe the Post-Shuichi, that he had got the chance to be your boyfriend, let alone share such an intimate moment with someone as special as you.

"Hey, look at me," He grinned gently as he caught your attention.

"It's... It's just me here. You don't have to worry, or be nervous because I'm right here, and I... I'll love you no matter what." It was hypocritical to say, as his hands had practically been quivering beyond his control, but he spoke the sincere truth for you.

He watched in slight anxiousness as you stayed in silent, stunned shock. Shuichi started wondering if he should've said something else-

"O- Okay, yeah, you can- You can, um." You didn't mean to sound so awkward, but you hoped the slight eagerness laced in your voice made the message clear enough for him.

Shuichi slipped his thumbs underneath the waistband of your pants, golden eyes focused entirely on your face as to detect any discomfort.

Seeing none, he slipped the rest of it off, growing excited yet also nervous as he saw you for the first time. "You're soaked..." He uttered underneath his breath in stunned awe, unwillingly causing you to jerk your legs shut.

And who's fault is that!? You wanted to say that, but in the condition and position you were in right now, it didn't seem very possible nor ideal.

You let out a small whimper as you felt Shuichi gently encourage your legs back open, a small pout on his face as you hadn't given him enough time to savour the visual.

No words were said, and no words were needed as Shuichi communicated his wanton need for your pussy with nothing but his eyes. Captivated and persuaded by his puppy-dog eyes, you hesitantly opened your legs back up, silently gasping as you felt the cold air hit your glossy folds yet again.

Your momentary shock faltered into embarrassed confusion as you caught Shuichi staring at it with a thoughtful gaze. It was strange; you felt like an animal at the zoo up for display to just... Stare at.

But perhaps the most embarrassing thing about the whole thing was the stars in his eyes as he watched you twitch and shudder. “Sh- Shuichi.” You tried to snap him out of his gaze, face growing hotter and hotter as time passed by with him continuing to stare at your impatient pussy.

“I’m just going to… Put one in.”

If there was anything Shuichi had learned from the numerous articles on how to please your partner during sex, is to always prep them.

“Wait, huh-?"

His finger sunk in easily, prodding finger slipping into a pillowy bundle of nerves; it was like heaven on earth for Shuichi, and he wanted to make sure it felt the same for you.

"Hah- Nnnn!”

Your loud moan snapped him out of his trance, and unfortunately, he had reacted a moment too late as his finger had already been knuckle deep.

Experiencing a mini panic attack, guilt overwhelmed his body, and he moved to pull out, only to be caught by surprise as you caught his wrist right before he could.

"N- No...! It's- It's okay, mmngh- Just- just feels good, is all." You were glad you hadn't lost the complete ability to speak yet; because that'd surely be humiliating, wouldn't it?

Shuichi tensed his hand unintentionally, causing you to jolt slightly as you could feel every single movement. Shuichi's eyes widened in realization and guilt at your sudden reaction.

"A-Ah, sorry! I didn't mean to-" He cut himself off, head tilting as you moaned a little too loud for your taste — but not loud enough for his.

Shuichi shifted himself, so his face was hovering over your blissed-out one, slight confusion taking over your features as he seemed to be watching you carefully, almost as if he was expecting something —

With a sharp inhale, you felt your hole swallow in another finger, the pleasure now doubled up. If this is what fingering felt like... Then you'd have to assume the main course felt 5x as good as this, right?

Your hands shot up to his shoulders to dig your nails into, the pleasure finally becoming too much as he started experimentally moving in and out slowly.

Shuichi would've asked, 'Is this okay?' but judging by your moans and pleas for more, he concludes he has his answer.

Running his thumb down your folds, Shuichi decided he would explore your pussy as he continued his slow thrusts in your clenching hole — and what better way to do that than to accidentally brush his fingers against your clit?

You nearly sobbed, climax rising alarmingly close, before dropping as Shuichi continued with his exploration.

"Shuichi! T- There! Right there! Please!" You repeated like a mad man, nearly jolting up if it wasn't for Shuichi's body that loomed over you.

With a confused, but obedient nod of his head, Shuichi tested the waters yet again, eyebrows furrowing as he pressed around in random spots. "Ah!" His eyes widened in slight achievement as he watched you start to violently spazz out the moment he pressed onto a button-like nerve.

"C- Coming, I'm- I'm comin- Ahnn!" Shuichi began roughly circling his thumb over the bundle of nerves, unknown of how sensitive the nerve was, and unknowingly forcing you into overstimulation.

"Sh- Ah- W- Wait!" You stammered, squirming away from his unrelenting hand, unsure as to why it had felt as strong as it felt. "Wait, please!" Shuichi suddenly pulled away from your clit, panic taking over his body yet again as he carefully picked you up and slipped you onto his lap.

"I- I'm sorry...! I didn't... Are you- Are you okay?" He stuttered, eyes wide with concern.

Had he gone too far? Was he missing something? Maybe there was a spot you didn't like?

You shook your head, doing little to assure the rising storm of worry you knew Shuichi would accumulate.

"I- I'm okay, it felt good. I think you just overstimulated me a bit but," You brought your arms around his neck, scooching your partially numb ass over his erection.

"... Not like I didn't like it." You grinned lopsidedly, leaning up to capture his lips into a passionate kiss, one filled to the brim with ever-lasting passion. He wasted no time to reciprocate, face slightly reddening as he groaned from the slightest pressure of your thigh pressing down against his erection.

"Sorry...-" Shuichi slipped in an apology, before quickly being sent back into the depths of your touch.

"Don't be-" You countered, letting one of your hands run down the crevices and nooks of his scrawny chest and stomach, down to trace his faint V-line.

"Mm-" An unplanned moan slipped out, and the blush on his cheeks worsened. He was sensitive, and that was to be expected for a first-timer. Though Shuichi refused to believe it was his sensitivity, but your soft touch.

Jolts of pleasure shot up his spine, and his pants only grew tighter, to the point where his brain was screaming at him to take them off.

Lucky for him, you complied without another thought.

You broke the kiss, resting your forehead against his chest as you hunched over to unbuckle his pants. The breathy and beautiful sounds of Shuichi panting like a dog-in-heat above you only made your fingers work faster. The sound of his zipper being pulled down hit his ears, and his eyes clenched tight shut as he felt a curious hand fiddle with his boxers.

"Can I...?"

He nodded frantically, an adorable eagerness overtaking control of his actions.

As you slipped your hand into the binds of his grey-scale boxers, you weren't sure what you were going to see, or how he would feel once you got your hands on his stiff length.

Shuichi wasn't sure what he was expecting either, but expectations didn't matter when you were with each other, right?

"H- Hnnnn...!"

Well, even so, he sure as hell wasn't expecting his strained whine he let out the moment your hand coiled around the base of his cock. With his whine unintentionally egging you on, you decided to pull it out all the way, curious to see him.

God, if you were to laugh now, he'd probably die.

The truth was, you weren’t sure if you could physically laugh, nor breathe…. Or even speak for that matter. He rendered you speechless, and as he tried to read your expression, he found himself praying the silence was a good thing. Though before the thick, lust-filled air could suffocate you both, you decided to voice your thoughts.

“W- Will that fit…?” Your face was probably as hot as a pizza pocket fresh out of the oven.

Now, you weren’t sure what a real dick looked like; you hadn’t seen one in real life before, so maybe it was average in dick sizes, but you couldn’t help but shudder from uncontrollable excitement combined with the fear of that thing tearing into you.

Shuichi noticed the look of fear on your face, and his instinct kicked in; nervosity and anxiety went as he focused on your needs instead, something he’d always done, to an almost unhealthy point.

You let yourself fall back onto the mattress yet again, your head that had been lost in its own thoughts, hitting the plush pillows as Shuichi softly guided you comfortably down. It seemed only now did you realize you were completely bare to Shuichi, head to toe, naked. What a convenient time.

Shuichi’s T-Shirt struggles couldn’t distract you now, and so there you sat, avoiding eye contact with the worried boy as you shrunk further into yourself. You were ready, you repeated to yourself. But perhaps your true fear had been, was he ready for you?

His voice broke the upsetting silence, and out came the words you didn’t want to hear. “If you’re having doubts, we don’t have to do this today, or ever, for that matter.” Shuichi was so close to you, you could practically hear the sound of his little heart beating unevenly. Your hand subconsciously lifted and set itself on his chest to try and feel the small hum and vibration of his heart, and for a second you almost forgot what he had asked.

“I… Shuichi, I want this but,” You weren’t sure how to explain, and a part of you wished he could just read your mind and tell you exactly what you wanted to hear. But relationships weren’t that easy.

“I… What if I dissatisfy you? Like, what if I’m too small, or too loose, or- or what if how I look impacts the experience; are you sure you want to have your very first time with someone like me? Like-” Shuichi cut you off with his lips, the desire for you to stop talking about things that would never happen, as well as the desire to kiss you, combining into this moment.

The man wore an expression of pure earnestness; the confidence he had almost scared you. “I love you so much, and none of that matters to me. I promise you, none of that will ever happen.” His voice was heartbreakingly sincere, to the point where you felt guilty for doubting him.

He, honest to god, understood how you felt completely. Shuichi was afraid he would cum too early, or if he wasn’t long enough, or girthy enough- He was terrified of ruining your first experience with him, he just didn’t want to look the emotion because he was afraid diffidence wasn’t sexy.

Maybe it was ridiculous, but to be fair, your assumption of yourself dissatisfying him was even more so.

Not trusting your own voice to speak, you simply averted your eyes and nodded, exhaling slowly as you tried to push your doubts away. Shuichi followed your gaze, using a gentle hand to tilt your head back to face him, wanting you to look at him as he finally puts it in.

“I’ll go… really slow, okay? Tell me if you want me to stop, okay baby?” You went beet red at the new pet name, but before you could counter his sneaky remark, your voice and breath were stolen from you as you felt something warm throb at your entrance. Was that his —

“Sh- Shit...!” You hissed, eyes clenching tightly shut to conceal the small tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. You were right, it was going to hurt.

Shuichi had only slipped in the tip of his cock, marvelling at how easily it sunk in at fault to your slick. He bit back several low moans that threatened to spill out of his mouth, God, you felt so warm inside. Perhaps it was a gross thought, but Shuichi hadn’t exactly been thinking anymore, eyes clouded and nearly crossed from the intense, foreign but pleasing feeling.

“H- How does It feel this good…?” He slipped quietly to himself, eyes lidded as he lost himself in your embrace.

Gulping harshly, he stilled his hips and tore his eyes away from your walls that hugged him so snugly, shifting his attention instead to your pained expression. With a hushed and strained voice, Shuichi voiced several shy but sincere praises and assurances.

His bony hands travelled up from your hips, to lace your hands, fingers shakily lacing your fingers together. Shuichi found himself sighing in relief as he could feel your stiffness slipping away, squeezing your hand as a reminder that he was proud of you for it.

“Do you want me to move?” Shuichi asked, worried eyes darting to your concealed ones.

You pursed your lips, hesitating to shake your head no. You knew they couldn’t stay like that forever — Well, Shuichi probably would’ve if you told him to, but you couldn’t do that to him. Then again, you were still trying to get used to the painful yet filling intrusion in between your legs.

You were on a mental crossroad, unsure of what to say in response to such a simple question. And great, now you left him too long without a reply; the poor guy was just laying there. You could hear your brain screaming at you to just say something! Just fucking say something-!

Shuichi noticed your slight discomforted expression, as well as feeling you tense underneath him. A light bulb went off in his head as he thought of a way to make it all better, and he opened his mouth to speak once again.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay, just um… Just trust me, okay?” You felt him squeeze your hands again, to which you squeezed back, voice caught in your throat.

You trusted him, of course, you did. What if he didn't know how much you trusted him? You would put your entire life in his hands, you would jump off a cliff if he told you it was safe.

Your lifeline spoke up again, "Take a deep breath and then exhale at three. R- Ready?"

You nodded, taking the deepest breath you could.

"One," Shuichi whispered.

"Two," You felt your shoulders relaxing.

"Three." As soon as your entire body sunk into the sheets, relaxing completely, he sunk the rest of his length inside you, pushing harshly against your hands pinned on the bed for leverage. Shuichi had been holding his breath as to not moan too loud, despite the foreign feeling, it almost felt like it was meant to be like this. Would it be cheesy if he thought fucking you was his destiny?

You gasped sharply, eyes shooting open as your jaw dropped, silent screams escaping your mouth as your back arched into him.

"Ah- Ah!" Your strained moans grew louder as the stretch finally registered within you. A bead of sweat formed on your forehead as you squeezed his hands tightly, wanting to pull him closer.

Shuichi didn't say anything, biting down on his lip and nearly drawing blood as he bottomed out, his balls clapping gently on the tender skin of your ass.

You couldn't help but whine uncontrollably the feeling being too much. You could feel everything. The small curve of his perfect cock, the feeling of his tip pulsating into your walls and every goddamn accidental shift of his Shuichi’s hips.

With his hips pressed as close as they could be against yours, you had no choice but to wrap your legs around his waist, heels bumping against his tail bone as you did such.

Everything seemed to slow after a couple of seconds filled with breathy silence, your heart rate slowing down as well. The stretch remained, but the pain slowly melted away with every exhale you took, pleasure and need overtaking it instead. “Sh- Shuichi.” After hearing your voice so brittle, Shuichi lifted his head from your shoulder in urgency and concern. “Y- Yeah? D- Don’t worry, I won’t move until y-”

“N- No, you can- You can move, it- I want it.” You stammered over your words, suddenly shy as you pleaded for him. It was embarrassing to be begging for something so lewd, but you’d soon learn that embarrassment wasn’t valid when you were screaming your lungs out.

You’d wonder why you were both suddenly so timid with each other, treating each other like fragile glass that could break if you arose your voice too high.

Nodding uncertainly at your words, Shuichi gave your hands one last reassuring squeeze unsure if he had done that to assure you or him.

With a shaky inhale, Shuichi tested the waters by rolling his hips against yours gently. Worrying whether he was doing it right, as well as worrying if he hurt you. Though he’d be lying if the worry didn’t somewhat slip his mind the moment he felt that nearly irresistible wave of bliss wash over his body. Not wanting the feeling to stop, Shuichi decided he’d do it again, causing you to moan louder than the first time.

He couldn’t help but feel something strike his heart, and before he knew it, he was thrusting harder, more, aiming in different directions to get you to moan louder.

“Hah!” It was a foreign feeling, but that didn’t necessarily mean it was a bad thing. You could feel your heart pulsating, a thin layer of sweat cultivating on your skin and his, and most of all you could feel Shuichi moving inside you. Every inch of him rubbed against your walls, and all of it just felt so fucking addicting.

“S/o!” His call for your name had lost itself in the sea of your moans as well as his own.

You could only reply in rickety moans, body bouncing as each thrust he granted upon you pushed your head closer to the headboard; the only thing keeping you as close as you were to Shuichi, being your connected hands.

“Sh- Shuichi, fuck!” You couldn’t even remember your name anymore, the name of your lover rolling off your tongue a couple of hundred times as your eyes rolled into the back of your skull, his hard pace driving you to insanity. You couldn’t even recognize yourself anymore, moans that escaped your lips sounded so pornographic you couldn’t possibly assume those were yours.

Shuichi on the other hand had been moaning and grunting like he was in pain; the way your walls clenched around him had brought him closer and closer to his high, but he didn’t want to cum just yet. He wanted to get that sweet spot.

It was so incredibly gratifying every time you called out his name; maybe not-so for the neighbours, but he couldn’t help but feel slightly smug as his neighbours would’ve known that it was — “Shuichi!” — who had been making you wail and moan like that.

Your uncertainty and discomfort from earlier disappeared into thin air, forgotten forever as you lost yourself in this new feeling of being plowed like a cornfield.

Finally finding the energy and courage to pry open your tear-filled eyes, your jaw remained slack, mouth blubbering out nonsense and ‘I love you’s as you made eye contact with Shuichi.

You felt your heart stutter and stop a moment as you saw how pretty he looked at that moment. With his facial expression contorting into one of pure pleasure, and a thin layer of sweat making his skin almost seem like it was glowing, combined with the loving look in his eyes; it was all too much, and before you knew it, you made your own lewd expression as you felt a foreign knot suddenly build up and untie in your stomach just as quick.

With stuttered, pathetic attempts at pleading his name, you attempted to get his attention as you had been slightly afraid of what was building up inside you. “Sh- Shu- Some- Something’s- Mmnhah!” You sobbed out, jaw going slack as screams poured out from your throat.

Shuichi’s eyes widened just a fraction as he realized what was happening, slowing his hips before suddenly going faster than before, grunting as he brought himself back to his high. “It’s- It’s okay baby, just let go- Urk—!” Shuichi wheezed as he felt your trembling vaginal walls clamp onto his throbbing length, feeling as if he had just gotten the air punched out of him. Well, you were only following his order.

Hunching over you, he squeezed your hands as he rolled his hips one last time, slow and deep, causing you to elicit a louder scream from the spot he hit. He had to suppress a thankful smile; there it was. He began to dig his glans especially hard into that spot, causing you to sob and squirm from the intense pleasure he had been putting onto you. “S- So good- I- I can’t-” You stammered, mind fuzzy and misfunctioning as your orgasm had been concentrated by Shuichi’s bold action.

You wondered if this was his first time; he seemed so experience like he knew all the right spots to press and prod at.

When really, he just read way too many porn mags.

Shuichi’s breath hitched as he felt his cock twitch, not long after the mini action, he had finally released inside you, going slack over your body as he nearly cried into your shoulder from how good it felt. Desperate and shaky moans and groans spilled from the binds of his thin lips, and no matter how hard he tried to dig himself into your neck, the moans remained loud.

Time seemed to slow down, Shuichi had gone flaccid inside you and quiet as he tried to catch his breath. Despite the lower half of your body still incredibly sensitive and numb, you managed to switch your positions, shifting him, so he was laying on his side instead of you.

He let himself be cradled by you, sweaty skin sticking together in an uncomfortably comfortable way. It was warm.

“... God, we should’ve done that months ago.” You half-joked, voice gravelly.

Shuichi groaned in response, wincing as he pulled out slowly.

“I don’t think I.. regret waiting.” Shuichi truthfully spoke, smiling a lopsided grin.

“Because it made this moment more special… right?” He hoped he wasn’t the only one to think so.

You nodded, eyes eventually drifting shut. “Yeah… You’re right, you’re.. always right.”

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mostlymovieswithmax · 3 years ago

Text

Movies I watched in May

Sadly, I kind of skipped writing a post for April. It was a mad month with so much going on: lots of emails sent and lots of stress. I started a new job so I’m getting to grips with that... and even then, I still watched a bunch of movies. But this is about what I watched in May and, yeah… still a bunch. So if you’re looking to get into some other movies - possibly some you’ve thought about watching but didn’t know what they were like, or maybe like the look of something you’ve never heard of - then this may help! So here’s every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of May 2021 Tenet (2020) - 8/10 This was my third time watching Christopher Nolan’s most Christopher Nolan movie ever and it makes no sense but I still love it. The spectacle of it all is truly like nothing I’ve ever seen. I had also watched it four days prior to this watch also, only this time I had enabled audio description for the visually impaired, thinking it would make it funny… It didn’t.

Nomadland (2020) - 6/10 Chloé Zhao’s new movie got a lot of awards attention. Everyone was hyped for this and when it got put out on Disney+ I was eager to see what all the fuss was about. Seeing these real nomads certainly gave the film an authenticity, along with McDormand’s ever-praisable acting. But generally I found it quite underwhelming and lacking a lot in its pacing. Nomadland surely has its moments of captivating cinematography and enticing commentary on the culture of these people, but it felt like it went on forever without any kind of forward direction or goal. The Prince of Egypt (1998) - 6/10 I reviewed this on my podcast, The Sunday Movie Marathon. For what it is, it’s pretty fun but nowhere near as good as some of the best DreamWorks movies.

Chinatown (1974) - 8/10 What a fantastic and wonderfully unpredictable mystery crime film! I regret to say I’ve not seen many Jack Nicholson performances but he steals the show. Despite Polanski’s infamy, it’d be a lie to claim this wasn’t truly masterful. Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) - 8/10 Admittedly I was half asleep as I curled up on the sofa to watch this again on a whim. I watched this with someone who demanded the dubbed version over the subtitled version and while I objected heavily, I knew I’d seen the movie before so it didn’t matter too much. That person also fell asleep about 20 minutes in, so how pointless an argument it was. Howl’s Moving Castle boasts superb animation, the likes of which I’ve only come to expect of Miyazaki. The story is so unique and the colours are absolutely gorgeous. This may not be my favourite from the legendary director but there’s no denying its splendour.

Bāhubali: The Beginning (2015) - 3/10 The next morning I watched some absolute trash. This crazy, over the top Indian movie is hilarious and I could perhaps recommend it if it weren’t so long. That being said, Bāhubali was not a dumpster fire; it has a lot of good-looking visual effects and it’s easy to see the ambition for this epic story, it just doesn’t come together. There’s fun to be had with how the main character is basically the strongest man in the world and yet still comes across as just a lucky dumbass, along with all the dancing that makes no sense but is still entertaining to watch. Seven Samurai (1954) - 10/10 If it wasn’t obvious already, Seven Samurai is a masterpiece. I reviewed this on The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, so more thoughts can be found there. Red Road (2006) - 6/10 Another recommendation on episode 30 of the podcast. Red Road really captures the authentic British working class experience. Before Sunrise (1995) - 10/10 One of the best romances put to film. The first in Richard Linklater’s Before Trilogy is undoubtedly my favourite, despite its counterparts being almost equally as good. It tells the story of a young couple travelling through Europe, who happen to meet on a train and spend the day together. It is gloriously shot on location in Vienna and features some of the most interesting dialogue I’ve ever seen put to film. Heartbreakingly beautiful.

Tokyo Story (1953) - 9/10 This Japanese classic - along with being visually and sonically masterful - is a lot about appreciating the people in your life and taking the time to show them that you love them. It’s about knowing it’s never too late to rekindle old relationships if you truly want to, which is something I’ve been able to relate to in recent years. It broke my heart in two. Tokyo Story will make you want to call your mother. Before Sunset (2004) - 10/10 Almost a decade after Sunrise, Sunset carries a sombre yet relieving feeling. Again, the performances from Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke take me away, evoking nostalgic feelings as they stroll through the contemporary Parisian streets. There is no regret in me for buying the Criterion blu-ray boxset for this trilogy. Before Midnight (2013) - 10/10 Here, Linklater cements this trilogy as one of the best in film history. It’s certainly not the ending I expected, yet it’s an ending I appreciate endlessly. Because it doesn’t really end. Midnight shows the troubling times of a strained relationship; one that has endured so long and despite initially feeling almost dreamlike in how idealistically that first encounter was portrayed, the cracks appear as the film forces you to come to terms with the fact that fairy-tale romances just don’t exist. Relationships require effort and sacrifice and sometimes the ones that truly work are those that endure through all the rough patches to emerge stronger. The Holy Mountain (1973) - 10/10 Jodorowsky’s masterpiece is absolute insanity. I talked more about it on The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) - 10/10 Another watch for Grand Budapest because I bought the Criterion blu-ray. As unalterably perfect as ever. Blue Jay (2016) - 6/10 Rather good up to a point. My co-hosts and I did not agree on how good this movie was, which is a discussion you can listen to on my podcast. Shadow and Bone: The Afterparty (2021) - 3/10 For what it’s worth, I really enjoyed the first season of Shadow and Bone, which is why I wanted to see what ‘The Afterparty’ was about. This could have been a lot better and much less annoying if all those terrible comedians weren’t hosting and telling bad jokes. I don’t want to see Fortune Feimster attempt to tell a joke about oiling her body as the cast of the show sit awkwardly in their homes over Zoom. If it had simply been a half hour, 45 minute chat with the cast and crew about how they made the show and their thoughts on it, a lot of embarrassment and time-wasting could have been spared. Wadjda (2012) - 6/10 Another recommendation discussed at length on The Sunday Movie Marathon. Wadjda was pretty interesting from a cultural perspective but largely familiar in terms of story structure.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001) - 2/10 A truly terrible movie with maybe one or two scenes that stop it from being a complete catastrophe. Tom Green tried to create something that almost holds a middle finger to everyone who watches it and to some that could be a fun experience, but to me it just came across as utterly irritating. It’s simply a bunch of scenes threaded together with an incredibly loose plot. He wears the skin of a dead deer, smacks a disabled woman over and over again on the legs to turn her on, and he swings a newborn baby around a hospital room by its umbilical cord (that part was actually pretty funny). I cannot believe I watched this again, although I think I repressed a lot of it since having seen it for the first time around five years ago. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 - (2011) I have to say, these movies seem to get better with each instalment. They’re still not very good though. That being said, I’m amazed at how many times I’ve watched each of the Twilight movies at this point. This time around, I watched Breaking Dawn - Part 1 with a YMS commentary track on YouTube and that made the experience a lot more entertaining. Otherwise, this film is super dumb but pretty entertaining. I would recommend watching these movies with friends. Solaris (1972) - 8/10 Andrei Tarkovsky’s grand sci-fi epic about the emotional crises of a crew on the space station orbiting the fictional planet Solaris is much as strange and creepy as you might expect from the master Russian auter. I had wanted to watch this for a while so I bought the Criterion blu-ray and it’s just stunning. It’s clear to see the 2001: A Space Odyssey inspiration but Solaris is quite a different beast entirely. Jaws (1975) - 4/10 I really tried to get into this classic movie, but Jaws exhibits basically everything I don’t like about Steven Spielberg’s directing. For sure, the effects are crazily good but the story itself is poorly handled and largely uninteresting. It was just a massive slog to get through.

Darkman (1990) - 6/10 Sam Raimi’s superhero movie is so much fun, albeit massively stupid. Further discussion on Darkman can be found on episode 32 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast. Darkman II: The Return of Durant (1995) - 1/10 Abysmal. I forgot the movie as I watched it. This was part of a marathon my friends and I did for episode 32 of our podcast. Darkman III: Die Darkman Die (1996) - 1/10 Perhaps this trilogy is not so great after all. Only marginally better than Darkman II but still pretty terrible. More thoughts on episode 32 of my podcast. F For Fake (1973) - 8/10 Rewatching this proved to be a worthwhile decision. Albeit slightly boring, there’s no denying how crazy the story of this documentary about art forgers is. The standout however, is the director himself. Orson Welles makes a lot of this film about himself and how hot his girlfriend is and it is hilarious.

The Mitchells vs. The Machines (2021) - 4/10 More style over substance, Sony’s new animated adventure wants so much to be in trend with the current internet culture but it simply doesn’t understand what it’s emulating. There’s a nyan cat reference, for crying out loud. For every joke that works, there are about ten more that do not and were it not for the wonderful animation, it simply wouldn’t be getting so much praise. Taxi Driver (1976) - 10/10 The first movie I’ve seen in a cinema since 2020 and damn it was good to be back! I’ve already reviewed Taxi Driver in my March wrap-up but seeing it in the cinema was a real treat. Irreversible (2002) - 8/10 One of the most viscerally horrendous experiences I’ve ever had while watching a movie. I cannot believe a friend of mine gave me the DVD to watch. More thoughts on episode 32 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast. Don’t watch it with the family. The Golden Compass (2007) - 1/10 I had no recollection of this being as bad as it is. The Golden Compass is the definition of a factory mandated movie. Nothing it does on its own is worth any kind of merit. I would say, if you wanted an experience like what this tries to communicate, a better option by far is the BBC series, His Dark Materials. More of my thoughts can be found in the review I wrote on Letterboxd.

Antichrist (2009) - 8/10 Lars von Trier is nothing if not provocative and I can understand why someone would not like Antichrist, but I enjoyed it quite a lot. After watching it, I wrote a slightly disjointed summary of my interpretations of this highly metaphorical movie in the group chat, so fair warning for a bit of spoilers and graphic descriptions: It's like, the patriarchy, man! Oppression! Men are the rational thinkers with big brains and the women just cry and be emotional. So she's seen as crazy when she's smashing his cock and driving a drill through his leg to keep him weighted down. Like, how does he like it, ya know? So then she mutilates herself like she did with him and now they're both wounded, but the animals crowd around her (and the crow that he couldn't kill because it's Mother nature, not Father nature, duh). Then he kills her, even though she could've killed him loads of times but didn't. So it's like "haha big win for the man who was subjected to such horrific torture. Victory!" And then all the women with no faces come out of the woods because it's like a constant cycle. Manchester By The Sea (2016) - 6/10 Great performances in this super sad movie. I can’t say I got too much out of it though. Roar (1981) - 9/10 Watching Roar again was still as terrifying an experience as the first time. If you want to watch something that’s loose on plot with poor acting but with real big cats getting in the way of production and physically attacking people, look no further. This is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen because it’s all basically real. Cannot recommend it enough. Eyes Without A Face (1960) - 8/10 I’m glad I checked this old French movie out again. There’s a lot to marvel at in so many aspects, what with the premise itself - a mad surgeon taking the faces from unsuspecting women and transplanting them onto another - being incredibly unique for the time. Short, sweet and entertaining!

Se7en (1995) - 10/10 The first in a David Fincher marathon we did for The Sunday Movie Marathon, episode 33. Zodiac (2007) - 10/10 Second in the marathon, as it was getting late, we decided to watch half that evening and the last half on the following evening. Zodiac is a brilliant movie and you can hear more of my thoughts on the podcast (though I apologise; my audio is not the best in this episode). Gone Girl (2014) - 10/10 My favourite Fincher movie. More insights into this masterpiece in episode 33 of the podcast. Friends: The Reunion (2021) - 6/10 It was heartwarming to see the old actors for this great show together again. I talked about the Friends reunion film at length in episode 33 of my podcast.

Wolfwalkers (2020) - 10/10 I reviewed this in an earlier post but would like to reiterate just how wonderful Wolfwalkers is. If you get the chance, please see it in the cinema. I couldn’t stop crying from how beautiful it was. Raya and The Last Dragon (2021) - 6/10 After watching Wolfwalkers, I decided I didn’t want to go home. So I had lunch in town and booked a ticket for Disney’s Raya and The Last Dragon. A child was coughing directly behind me the entire time. Again, I reviewed this in an earlier post but generally it was decent but I have so many problems with the execution. The Princess Bride (1987) - 9/10 Clearly I underrated this the last time I watched it. The Princess Bride is warm and hilarious with some delightfully memorable characters. A real classic!

The Invisible Kid (1988) - 1/10 About as good as you’d expect a movie with that name to be, The Invisible Kid was a pick for The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, the discussion for which you can listen to in episode 34. Babel (2006) - 9/10 The same night that I watched The Invisible Kid, I watched a masterful and dour drama from the director of Birdman and The Revenant. Babel calls back to an earlier movie of Iñárritu’s, called Amores Perros and as I was informed while we watched this for the podcast, it turns out Babel is part of a trilogy alongside the aforementioned film. More thoughts in episode 34 of the podcast. Snake Eyes (1998) - 1/10 After feeling thoroughly emotionally wiped out after Babel, we immediately watched another recommendation for the podcast: Snake Eyes, starring Nicolas Cage. This was a truly underwhelming experience and for more of a breakdown into what makes this movie so bad, you can listen to us talk about it on the podcast.

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sleepylixie · 3 years ago

Text

3.1k words, Angst, Fluff (Romance), Non-idol AU

Kim Hongjoong X fem! Reader

Inspired by Love you Like Me- William Singe ( Playlist here )

Beware of Profanity, Heavy themes of infidelity, implied sexual activity

The studio was loud, bustling with murmurs and movement, lighting being fidgeted with and artists putting in the final touches to the simple, neutral toned set. A shiver traced down your back as you watched people walk this way and that, preparing everything to be perfect just in time, just before the cameras begin rolling and the star of the show settles in front of the camera-

The steady buzz of your phone in your hand interrupted your train of thought. Took him long enough, you thought to yourself as you watched the name flash across the screen. Hongjoong.

Not a couple of months ago, his contact’s name had been ‘loml’ with a red heart- how quickly things change. You knew he would call you before you were to go on-air, a tradition that he had unfailingly kept alive over the last 3 years. This particular call however, was different. Special.

Because it was going to be the last.

You would miss his calls, you mused as you accepted the call. His smooth, lilting tenor always greeting you with-

“Hello, starlet.”

The amused endearment didn’t make you smile like it used to. You used to shy away from it when you had initially started dating Hongjoong. Over the years, however, you had truly grown into a starlet in your own right so the inside joke was now laced with adoring truth.

“Hello, my love.”

Your voice was soft, mellow, the perfect replication of how you would respond to him in better times. Funny how a relationship you’d valued as much as your career had come down to pretence and secrets-

“Are you ready?”

The real question is, are you ready? The response was heavy on your tongue but you swallowed it down, letting a sardonic smile curl up the edge of your lips as you hummed into the phone, a show of contemplation.

“I think so.”

If only he knew what you were talking about.

“I’m sure you are, you spent so much time in the studios with Chris. Trust yourself, darling. You’re going to do amazing.”

There had been a time when his reassurance would’ve given you enough motivation to rule the world- now though, it felt like nothing but a sham. Pretty, deceptive falsities that he kept up only for the sake of his promise to you. A game of make-believe he seemed to be amusing himself with.

He was going to find out soon enough, you convinced yourself. He was going to find out soon enough that you were no game to be trifled with.

The producer caught your eye, motioning to the set – it was time.

“It’s almost time, I need to go.”

What a glorious double entendre this conversation was.

“Good luck, my love. I’ll be watching the live.”

You hummed again before hanging up, coughing into your hands as you made your way to the set. The producer flashed a smile and thumbs up at you as you took your seat on the stool meant for you.

“We’re going to be live in 3 minutes. Ready?”

Between your makeup artist doing some final touches on your face and the sound technician checking the wires and mic-set for your in-ears, you returned the producer’s thumbs up with a confident smile- more confident than you were truly feeling, you were sure.

“Ready.”

All too soon, the 2 minutes had passed and you were sat alone in front of the camera, nothing but a mic in your hand as the producer did a countdown- Rolling in 3,2,1-

The first strains of the backing track flowed through your in-ears, your grip on the mic tightening as the repetitive, building melody washed over you like the tune of a haunted nursery rhyme. With the melody came the memories, a barrage of feelings tinged angry red and melancholy pink.

After all these years, it seemed your love really had to end the way it began- mic in hand, lyrics at your lips and leaden heart in your chest. This time though, he wasn’t the healing balm, he was the twisted knife itself.

Kim fucking Hongjoong.

“He never calls this late at night, no… But I can tell he’s been drinking all night long.”

The studio was pin-drop silent except for the soft, dragging lilt of your voice. The track Chris had made for you could catch a listener’s attention all too easily- the magic your voice brought with it soon afterwards only served to hook the listeners more.

You remembered slipping into the studio one rainy 2 a.m, scrawled sheets of paper feeling heavy and hot in your pocket. Chris had been rightfully concerned with your deceptively put together appearance, knowing exactly what had brought about the torrent of words you had thrown onto the table.

Chris had always been safe, warm comfort for you- from the days of pulling all-nighters before graduation to the sleepless nights spent recording and producing in your shared studio, your friendship had come a long way.

But you’d shaken your head at him, urging him to look at the sheets. The memory of your pen slicing into the sheets was still burnt onto your fingertips, your vision almost blurring with tears as you scrawled every word that came to mind. Fiery, sensual, vengeful words seared onto the paper, a clear reflection of everything that had silently plagued you every night, every sunset, until you broke.

“He sounds upset, I’m asking baby where you at, I called you earlier but you didn’t call me back…”

You met Hongjoong a little more than 4 years ago in a dive bar- him, the tired university student looking for a break and you, the evening’s entertainment. Your set had been entirely covers of moody love songs, reminiscent of your own sentiments- all you wanted to do was write your own music but it seemed all rookies were destined to be stuck with small gigs and other artists’ music.

But for some reason, this one man with electric blue hair that contrasted- clashed, even, with his formal outfit had approached you after you finished your set. Only when he sidled closer to you did you noticed the paint splatters on his cuffs and the tiny earring dangling against his neck. The first thing he told you was that he had fallen in love with your voice and would love to get you a drink so he could hear it more.

Even in the heartbroken haze you were in, you knew there was something about this odd patch-work quilt of a man with a sparkly smile that you couldn’t shake. Conversation had been uncannily easy after that-

Falling in love with Hongjoong however, hadn’t been a cakewalk by any means.

“He’s breaking down, I’m about to lose it… I’m screaming who the fuck were you with…”

Falling for Hongjoong was walking through fire and hail and ice; it was always expecting the worst out of each other but somehow ending up with the best too; to see each other as flawed humans before possible targets of affection. It took a good part of a year for the both of you to acknowledge any sentiment beyond friendship for each other, even more time to consider dating.

He’d been hesitant at first- so had you. But as Hongjoong murmured to you that fateful evening your relationship began, the thought of not knowing how you’d be together was one he could not digest. Sometimes you wish you hadn’t agreed- but to disagree would’ve been a regretful lie.

Over the years, it had always warmed your heart to have known without a shadow of a doubt that he would walk through all the world’s calamities for your hand in his.

Kim Hongjoong was perfect, after all.

The perfect son of a perfect family, the visual arts graduate with a perfect score, the perfect fit for a job as an art gallery’s curator- Surely, his love was tinted with the same shade of perfection as the rest of him?

You were wrong.

“I grab my keys you better tell me where you at… he said he fucked up but there’s no taking it back...”

Kim Hongjoong was fickle as a wayward breeze where the matters of the heart were concerned. It was easier for him to let people love him, feel the adoration for him rolling off people’s eyes and bodies than be the person to love freely. Love was vulnerability to him, but gods, did he make vulnerability look gorgeous.

Maybe the very reason he began to love you at first was because you didn’t care for his perfection.

His words still echoed in your ears sometimes, especially in nights that were woefully sober or afternoons that were hopelessly unproductive. There had been a time when the only things you remembered of the honeyed rasp was from your best dreams, promising you forever in every day-

Not anymore. All you remembered now was the way he had sounded that night, alcohol and regret mixing badly in his veins, voice rough and stilted and broken as he asked you for forgiveness, for space in your heart despite his mistakes.

“I gave everything to you and this is what you turn around and do…”

You wish you’d never driven to him after his teary confessions, hoping against hope he was pranking you and had only drunk too much to cater to common sense. You wish you hadn’t walked yourself to his best friends’ night club and have to witness the look of pity Seonghwa and San cast upon before handing Hongjoong over to you.

You wish you hadn’t put yourself through the utterly tragic ordeal of picking up after him. Especially now, that you know how the future would look after that night.

The memories steeled your voice through the smooth notes, the music rising and falling as the backing track began to build. You’d struggled to record this section of the song- your breath always seemed to catch and hold when you sang the words, your chest feeling too heavy, tongue too leaden to mouth the next lines. But today, the tune was like second nature to your lips, the sentiment almost easy to express.

Surely he was watching now, wherever he was, the lyrics’ meaning sinking into his skin with every word. Some tiny, savage part of your brain hoped he felt the same cold terror and sense of unfairness you felt all this while- you hoped he would drown in it until it consumed him, soul and all.

“Did she have it all, all that you wanted for you to go and break your promise?”

He’d crawled into your bed with you that night, holding you closer than he had ever held you in 3 years. Soothed your tears of pure disappointment and cried way too many of his own, your shoulders shuddering as you pulled each other closer. Murmured apologies a million times, over and over again against your skin as he curled his body around yours, until you fell into a restless sleep.

You still remember the time-dampened images of the nightmare you had that night, the shadows laughing at you for being an inadequate girlfriend, an unfit person, that he probably cheated because you weren’t doing enough for him. You’d awoken a mere couple of hours after the both of you had nodded off, Hongjoong’s grip on your body still tight despite his state of slumber.

Was he worried you’d wake up and walk away?

He would find you in your kitchen in his old shirt when he woke up anyway, tired eyes and tired limbs and enough coffee for 2 in the French press.

“I wanna know, every secret you’ve been hiding…I wanna know just how long have you've been lying…”

A mistake, he’d called it. One-off error in judgement, a single moment in time he had chosen not to listen to his better sensibilities. It had happened once, entirely because of his lapse in judgement, he said. It would never happen again; he swore to you. Promised to you with your hands in his, earnestness in his gaze that you had never been subjected to until now- then again, he’d never given you reason to mistrust him until now.

You’d asked for a promise from Hongjoong that day- a no-closed-doors policy on your relationship. It should’ve been a no-brainer as far as you were concerned, but it seemed that people like Hongjoong needed the reminder that not all people lived the way they did. That love wasn’t reckless free fall to everybody, a spark that burns fast and bright and fizzles out just as quick.

“I wanna know, does she fuck you like I did…I wanna know, and will she love you like I did…”

You wish you’d been less mature about the whole affair.

Singing the words aloud only made you wish you’d thrown the words at him the first time it happened, instead of now, behind the safety of two screens and physical distance. You should’ve allowed yourself the sheer meltdown that the situation warranted, allowed the rage to take over your system even if it was for those few unfiltered seconds.

Hongjoong’s actions hadn’t deserved the maturity you afforded them. But you couldn’t blame yourself- in those fleeting moments, the primary emotions you had felt was that of inadequacy. You should’ve trusted yourself more.

“Boy this ain’t how it’s supposed to be...Dancing between someones else’s sheets…”

After the burning hurt from the fiasco died down, it felt like Hongjoong had taken it upon himself to prove to you how special, how important, how absolutely irreplaceable you were to him. In the haze of it all, you ended up loving it.

The once almost stoic man was now making an effort to be more to you, less of the disappointment he had caused you. He made an effort to talk to you, open up about his frayed relationship with love – hesitant at first and then naturally.

I care about you. I love you; he’d murmured to the ceiling one night. You were silent, body resting against his as he arranged the sheets higher around your bodies. I wanted to know what we’d be like together and I haven’t regretted a second of it. I can’t imagine my days without you around. A soft kiss planted against your hairline that you returned against the crook of his neck as sleep claimed you.

“I can’t believe this is really happening, your guilty conscience is going to be the death of me..”

The next few months were a daily reminder of how much Kim Hongjoong had come to know you over the years of your relationship. Your favourite flowers turned up like clockwork at your desk every Tuesday, accompanying a note in his quick, scratchy handwriting – a new tradition of mid-week dates at experimental restaurants with oddly planned menus. Voice notes of his raspy morning voice sending you sweet affirmations that rung in your ears late into the afternoon.

Even the way he touched you felt softer, more… reverent. Like he’d had a taste of what he stood to lose and never wanted to think of it again. As each day passed, you found yourself resting easy, basking in the attention and adoration and soft romance of it all.

Looking back on it, you should’ve known. What was it they say about a cheat?

They expect you to be loyal to them despite their faithlessness.

“You got so caught up in the moment...But she’ll only love you when she’s lonely…”

The second time it happened, the only thing your heart felt was a wildfire doused in rage and an almost crippling sense of treachery. A fellow artist in the same recording company as you had slipped into the studio late one night, just as you were packing up to head home. She’d pulled you to the couch on the side, holding your hands in hers as she hesitated before asking her questions- Are you sure your boyfriend is faithful? He keeps leaving the club I perform at with other girls?

Your fingers curled tightly around the mic, trying your hardest not to let your other hand clench the fabric covering your legs. You would give the world neither the privilege nor the misfortune of knowing how much truth this song really held. The world didn’t- no, Hongjoong didn’t deserve it. Not anymore.

“This ain’t a game you better tell me where you're at, No boy, you fucked up and there’s no taking it back..”

You’d dropped by Hongjoong’s apartment that night, hands shaking in your coat pockets and head spinning from the rush of emotions. You had a spare key, and it was only a matter of dropping him a quick text before letting yourself in. Betrayal? Rage? Frustration? Disappointment? It was the disgusting cocktail in the pit of your stomach that led you to snoop through his phone while he was in the shower-

You wish you hadn’t but oh, you’d be damned if you weren’t glad you had.

He’d brought girls to his apartment at the end of so-called club hopping nights with Seonghwa. Every Friday. Ever since he’d made his ‘promise’ to you.

Every single Friday.

He’d bedded some random chick from the clubs and then turned up at your doorstep every weekend like nothing had ever happened.

Every. Single. Friday.

“I gave everything to you …and this is what you turn around and do..”

You remember slipping out of Hongjoong’s apartment as quickly as you had turned up, faking an emergency at the studio to dash out the front door. Stubbornly holding your tears at bay as you drove back to your own neighbourhood, out of the car and into your apartment. Collapsing on your couch in a daze just as the breakdown began.

You still don’t know if the tears you shed that night were of anger or sadness- with the urge to destroy everything Hongjoong stood for, the only thing you wanted to do was never see him again.

For a second, you were transported back to that disaster of a night, the studio melting away into the familiar walls of your apartment, closing in on you as the despair and bottomless rage set in. There was an edge to your voice as you sang now, more angry than sad like before. Was he listening? Was he able to hear your farewell in the lyrics?

Was he panicking that you found out? Or worse, did he not care at all?

“Did she have it all, all that you wanted for you to go and break your promise?”

The next morning, you’d woken up with puffy eyes and a heavy heart, but with one clear motive seared into your mind- revenge.

You’d allowed him into your heart, let him build a home there for years and years. You had loved him every way you knew how to- broken at first, unconditionally later. You’d given him trust, a currency you were known to be stingy with- and he turns around and does this to you.

Maybe that was childish of you; maybe a more mature person would’ve broken it off that day, wallowed in heartbreak and made efforts to move on. But no, not you.

If Hongjoong had found it acceptable to take girls home while being in a relationship with you, he would definitely find it acceptable if you aired some of his dirty laundry yourself.

“I wanna know every secret you’ve been hiding…I wanna know just how long have you been lying..”

Chris had been concerned when you walked into the studio, looking almost entirely functional and not worse for wear at all.

It made sense, your best friend’s worry. It had only been 3 days since…since the incident and besides an update message, you had burrowed yourself at home and entirely unreachable. But here you were today, sheets of paper filled with your scrawl covering the table in front of you- lyrics.

Read them, you’d muttered, shoving the pages towards him- your hands shook slightly, the first crack in your façade. They’re a bit of a mess, but they mostly make sense.

Only you would remember being drunk off your mind on whiskey and later, wine the whole time. Alternating between feverish writing and heartbroken sobbing. Pretending to be completely fine to Hongjoong, telling him to not ‘interrupt your creative process’. Staring out into the starrless night skies and wishing that one day soon, Hongjoong would feel the hell you were feeling now. One day, you would look a camera in the eye and sing these lyrics out loud, for the world to hear, for him to hear. And you’ll be damned if that day, Kim Hongjoong didn’t get his final taste of who he’d just lost.

“I wanna know…does she fuck you like I did, I wanna know, will she love you like I did..”

Getting the right feel to the lyrics while recording the song had been all too easy, waving off Hongjoong’s curiosity about your newest project easier so.

It was a surprise for him, you would smile, dropping fleeting kisses against his cheekbones and jaw just the way he liked. He always smiled and dragged your mouth to his own, letting his smile slide against your own, murmuring that he was going to follow you into the studio to take a peek for curiosity’s sake.

Talk often fizzled out at that point, because god, it was so difficult to stay away from each other’s bodies and out of each other’s arms after the long days of being your own people, strong and resourceful and adult and independent. It was easier to let your muscle memories take over, touch and sense and feel every single wretched thing that Hongjoong was so capable of making you feel.

“She won't do you like me, she won't love you like me, baby…she won't touch you like me, she won't love you like me, baby…”

You would be lying if you said you didn’t get a wild sense of pleasure singing those lines, your eyes not leaving the camera pointed at you. Was it revenge well served? A broken heart being healed?

Over the weeks of preparing for the song, you’d realized how true those words were. The burning sense of betrayal and hurt hadn’t faded in the least- you still woke up every morning feeling lesser than, but never again. Never would you let anybody feel like this again.

Nobody would love Hongjoong like you could. It was about time he realized that. Pity, though, that you wouldn’t be around to witness it.

“She won't love you like, she won't love you like me.”

The music fizzled out into silence, the producers counting down as you stayed still- 3,2,1 cut! In pursuit of the feeling of reckless freedom, Hongjoong had lost the one person he claimed made him feel like he belonged. How unfortunate for him, you mused, as the studio erupted in claps, the producers grinning widely and everybody smiling at each other. In the middle of the chaos, the door swung open- His eyes were wide, short blonde hair a windswept mess against his forehead, the single stalk of your favourite flower hanging limp in his hands. Surely there were paint marks on his cuffs, and the tiny earring would jingle prettily when he moved, but as his gaze met your dead ones, you could only think one thing-

She won't love you like, she won't love you like me.

Thank you for reading! Do let me know what you think~ xoxo, Elliana.

Network Tag: @kpopscape

#ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez hongjoong #ateez x reader #kim hongjoong #hongjoong x reader #ateez fluff #ateez angst #hongjoong fluff #ateez fanfic #atz x reader #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #ella.ateez #atz imagines #atz fluff

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fangirlsmood · 4 years ago

Text

Kyojuro Rengoku x reader x Tomioka Giyuu - Another love

_Warnings : spoiler about mugen train

Synopsis : After the death of your husband you slowly take back a taste for life ... with another man

_ Senjuro ? Where are you going like this ?

_ Ah (Y/n)! I am going to take a walk in the village, to sell the wood that I collected this morning!

_ Oh Senjuro... You don’t have to do this.

_ I want to ! It won't bring in a lot of money, but you can buy yourself a new kimono or a pretty brooch.

Knowing that he was as stubborn as his elder brother, you sighed :

_ Fine. But don't get too tired and get home quickly.

He embraced you tenderly before leaving, promising to be careful. Senjuro had always loved you very much, but it was only since his big brother was no longer there that he got into the habit of hugging you tight before each departure. You didn't know if he was doing this because Kyojuro asked him to take care of you or because he was afraid of losing you.

Since your husband's death everything had changed. You would wake up every morning in a cold bed, the smell of your loved one was gone over time, and getting up was a struggle. Even though the pain was sharp you had no choice: you had to stay strong for Senjuro and Shinjuro. Although you had some money aside without Rengoku's salary, you had to accumulate the jobs while running the house. Senjuro was doing his best to help you, like this morning when he went to sell wood. He too had changed. He was even more determined to become like his brother, a demon slayer. You didn't agree, the idea of losing Senjuro like you had lost Kyojuro made you sick and you had become a little overprotective with the child who for some time had ceased to be one. Shinjuro hadn't spoken about the death of his son. You acted like the perfect daughter-in-law and you took care of him the best you could. Sometimes you resented him for not having been more present for his sons, for never having told them that he was proud of them but now you understood why the passion that had inhabited this man for so long was extinguished and had given way to bitterness.

You and Senjuro supported each other, he allowed you to face life one more day. He had become your reason for living. Him and ... Tomioka Giyuu to be honest.

The sun set slowly and you were worried to death. Senjuro had not returned. You were going out to get him when there was a knock on the door. You rushed in hoping it was him.

_ (Y/n)! Look who I found on my way !

Tomioka stood beside him with a straight face. You laugh inwardly imagining your little Rengoku forcibly taking him to your home, you visualize very well Giyuu unable to say no to this child full of passion. Tomioka nodded polietly his head to greet you and you invited both to enter.

You served dinner for the two boys. Giyuu wanted to help you but you declined. You brought his meal to Shinjuro who was eating alone in his room as always and when you returned Senjuro and your guest was in the middle of a conversation. Giyuu seemed to be telling a story and you were surprised at how attentive Senjuro was. Usually he was too talkative to listen to anyone, getting into long stories, unless it was his father or his brother. His eyes were shining, you didn't want to interrupt them so you took a seat discreetly. Giyuu continued his story :

_ The demons were not that strong but they were clever and numerous. The civilians were terrified but he told them "Don't be afraid, everything will be fine, there will be no deaths or injuries"...

You choked. He told of his first mission as a pillar, a mission carried out with Kyojuro. You knew it because your husband had enthusiastically told you about it in detail. Giyuu stopped the two boys looked at you worried :

_ Oh ... sorry, maybe I shouldn't...

_ No it's me ! I shouldn't have asked you to tell me about a big brother ... Sorry (Y/n) I didn't think ...

You drank a mouthful of water before smiling, reassuring them quickly :

_ No it's good, everything is fine. I was just surprised but keep going, i want to hear the rest.

Giyuu hesitated a bit but ended up continuing his story. His voice was very monotonous but he recounted the events with precision for your viewing pleasure. Senjuro let out little noises, sometimes of admiration, sometimes of surprise. It had been a long time since he had been so passionate and you were really happy to see him gesticulate all over the place and ask for more. Contrary to what you might think, hearing about your late husband didn't break your heart. On the contrary, it was like talking about good memories. This impression left you perplexed. Did you have the right to think so? Not crying anymore when hearing about him ?

At the end of the meal Senjuro went to bed, claiming that the day had been exhausting. You accompanied him to his room to tuck him in as if he were a fragile little baby. Being mothering like this embarrassed him but he didn't say anything knowing that this kind of thing would reassure you, so you knew he was sleeping peacefully and safe. When you returned to the kitchen Giyuu had cleared the table and was doing the dishes.

_ It is not for the guests to take care of this kind of thing, you said playfully taking from his hands the plate he was washing.

He then grabbed a tea towel and wiped up what he had already washed :

_ I want to.

You knew him long before you got married but since the death of Kyojuro, you and Giyuu had become closer. He came to visit you regularly, to make sure you were okay. You even cry on his shoulder more than once. When you felt overwhelmed by your responsibilities his visits were a great support. With him you felt less alone and stronger, enough to face another day.

You lost yourself in your thoughts for a moment and found yourself staring at him. You tell yourself that he was more than beautiful. You really wanted to put a hand on his cheek, just to feel the warmth of his skin. Suddenly you realized what you were thinking and your face flushed with shame. Noticing your change of attitude Giyuu broke the pleasant silence that reigned :

_ You should go to bed if you're not feeling well. I take care of the rest.

You told him where he could spend the night before leaving. This night you had a lot of trouble falling asleep. You rolled around, crying silently. You were falling in love with another man than Kyojuro. You felt terribly guilty, you felt like you were betraying him. You never thought about being with anyone other than Kyojuro, you never thought he would actually die before you. Now you didn't know how to shut up those emerging feelings and it was gnawing at you, you thought you must really be a horrible person.

Giyuu didn't get much sleep either. He thought of you. When you first met, how beautiful he found you. Would things have been different if he had told you ? He remembered your wedding, Tengen had said that you and Rengoku were "both flamboyant" and he had agreed. He had silenced his feelings but now he couldn't. Each time he told himself he wouldn't visit you but each time he couldn't help it. He had to be sure you were okay, he had to take care of you. He felt guilty for loving you, you who would never be his. You were Kyojuro’s and you will always be. He was so ashamed. Wasn't that disrespectful to his deceased comrade ? It wasn't the first time he thought of you before sleeping. Many times, before and after you were married, he had found himself imagining his life with you, but he always ended up telling himself that it was impossible. He wasn't as strong, sociable or funny as Rengoku. He wasn't as good as him and clearly he wasn't good enough for you.

You were awakened by noises coming from the inner courtyard. Going to see you discovered Giyuu and Senjuro training. The child tried to touch him with a wooden katana but Giyuu still dodged. You sat down and stared at them. Senjuro was really happy to be training with another person especially with a hashira. Someone took a seat by your side.

_ He's improving.

_ You should tell him to his face, Shinjuro.

_ The one with him... It’s Tomioka Giyuu ? The water hashira ?

_ Yes. How did you guess ?

_ Senjuro talk to me. He mentionned him many times recently.

It was really unusual for Shinjuro to come talk to you, usually you just went through the formalities.

_ Can I help you ? You need something ?

He ignored your question.

_ He seems to be a good men. Senjuro told me that he helped you a lot.

You were a little uncomfortable.

_ Yes... He’s a really good person.

_ And a strong one. A good model for a boy, someone you can count on.

_ What do you mean ?

It was really unusual for him to talk to you so much. Did he know your feelings ? His gaze fell on your hand :

_ You still wear it.

He talk about your wedding ring. You have been playing with it nervously since the start of your conversation. You didn't know what to say. The atmosphere was heavy. He went on :

_ Kyojuro isn’t here. We didn't talk much to each other but I know there were only three things that mattered for him. Become a pillar, the happiness of Senjuro and your happiness. He wants ... He wants you to be happy. Alone, with him or with... someone else.

You looked at him with wet eyes. It was as if Kyojuro, through his father, gave you permission to love someone else. You had the right to be in love with Giyuu, it was not a crime. You didn't have to fight your feelings, to blame yourself anymore, you thought you were going to cry in relief.

_ Senjuro is very observant. He told me that you and Giyuu were maybe more than friends or at least you could be. You look at this man like you looked at my son. You are lucky. I've never met someone like Ruka, if it had been things might have been different. I would have been a better father, a better man.

Your lip had started to tremble. You wanted to talk. To say what ? That you didn't know what to think anymore, that you were afraid to love another man ? Seeing that you were about to crack, Shinjuro tells you what you needed to hear :

_ You loved my son, you love him and you will always love him but now it's this man you are in love with and you have the right to.

You burst into tears. Shinjuro ran a comforting hand along your back.

_ (Y/n) ?! Something’s wrong ?

Senjuro noticed that you were crying and he and Giyuu were running towards you. You tried to dry your tears but you couldn't control anything. He hugged you, his father left you and Giyuu stepped aside. It took you a while but you slowly regained your composure even though you were still crying :

_ It's okay now, don't worry.

You offered him a big smile to support your point. In the evening, Giyuu's crow had come to warn him that he had to leave in the morning.

Before sleeping you looked at your hand for a long time. You had a thought for Kyojuro before removing your wedding ring. It was strange not to feel the weight of the ring around your finger. Nonetheless you fell asleep peacefully.

You woke up at dawn. Giyuu was just getting ready to leave.

_ Giyuu ! Wait !

He stopped, he noticed that you no longer had your alliance which left him confused but he said nothing.

_ There is a festival in town next weekend. There will be a lantern throw ... If your mission is finished, would you like to go together?

You thought it sounded a bit too much like a date so you pressed to add :

_ Erm... We could take Senjuro and propose to Shinjuro even though I'm sure he'd rather not go out ...

He looked surprised but a small smile quickly lit his face :

_ My mission will be finished.

_ See you next Sunday then. Be carefull.

_ See you next Sunday.

You watched him go and when you no longer saw him Shinjuro appeared beside you. He had obviously heard everything. He looked at you smiling

_ What makes you smile ?

_ Nothing, I'm happy that's all. And I also tell myself that big brother is very happy at the moment.

And he was right. Kyojuro was happy knowing that you loved and was loved by a good men like Giyuu.

••••••••••••••

author notes : After seeing the film this one shot had been running through my head for a while. I hesitated for a long time to write it, I even thought of making the reader pregnant but finally i like the result. I really hope Rengoku fans move on (with Giyuu maybe). Falling in love again after her husband's death is a sensitive topic, but I see Rengoku the type who wants his wife to be happy, alone or with someone else. Maybe i am wrong. There was no romatic interaction in this one-shots and I regret it a bit. Maybe I should do part two, now that I say so I could write about the festival ...

Thanks for reading, every time I see someone liked my story my heart melts. I take any criticism (positive or negative). And if you see a grammar or spelling error, please let me know (English is not my first language so I don't always realize it), I will correct it.

Have a nice day / evening / night ♥

••••••••••

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#tomioka x reader #giyuu x reader #rengoku kyojuro x reader #rengoku x reader #rengoku x reader x tomioka #tomioka x reader x rengoku #giyuu x reader x kyojuro #kyojuro x reader x giyuu #kny x reader #kymetsu no haiba x reader #tomioka giyuu x reader

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in-my-feels-probably · 3 years ago

Text

INEFFABLE - Kaz Brekker

Chapter Six

If you would like to read this on Wattpad, it’s on there as well, my @ is in_my_feels_probably and there’s a few visuals and better descriptions and stuff on there. otherwise, enjoy, let me know what you think, and you can check out my masterlist for updates and more. don’t forget to read the prologue, it’s important to the story!

INEFFABLE – Kaz Brekker

ineffable (adj.) too great to be expressed in words, utterly indescribable; too sacred to speak of.

Chapter Six

It was nightfall by now, and Elham, Kaz and Inej were following the Conductor to his supposed way across the Fold. Jesper was nowhere to be found, and Elham could only imagine what kind of trouble he had gotten to by this point in the night. The moonlight casted over them as they walked, the Conductor leading.

“We're almost there. Just a little further.”

Kaz fell back a bit, causing Elham and Inej to slow, matching his stride. He kept his voice hushed. “Where the hell is Jesper?”

“I should’ve gone with him. Have I ever been wrong? No. Do you ever listen to me? No. And here we are.”

Elham knew she was bold for speaking to Kaz like that, they might have been close, but he was still technically her boss, and more than that, she needed him focused on this job. Making him angry was never a good idea, but she just couldn’t help herself. It was too fun teasing him. She was the only one who could get away with it.

Kaz pretended like he couldn’t hear her, rolling his eyes, walking a little faster. He knew she was right, but he would never admit it. The Conductor approached a sign, barely lit up by his torch. He continued walking past it, but Inej stopped, putting her arm out in front of Elham.

“Landmines.”

Elham stopped, huffing. There was no point in being surprised, she knew this job was going to be the hardest one she ever went on. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t have a slight temper tantrum in Kaz’s direction though, it was just her luck that this would go bad from the beginning.

She almost risked following the Conductor, deciding to not care about the imminent death in the field, when Kaz put his cane out to stop her, giving her a glare. “We’ll wait. Follow the path that you carve.”

“Oh, that sign, it was my idea to keep people away. Can’t be too careful. We’re fine. Come.”

Elham glanced at them, sighing. Might as well. She took off, following the footsteps the Conductor had set, Inej hot on her trail. Kaz stood behind, looking for another way, before realizing there wasn’t one. He sighed, trying to corral the goat closer to him, before slowly following them.

The Fold was a wall, a giant black mass, with eerie groans and high pitched screeches coming from the inside. It was bigger than anything Elham could have imagined, and the pit in her stomach only grew. If nightfall was dark, the only light coming from the moon, she couldn’t imagine how dark and empty the inside of the Fold must be, a void.

Inej was warily glancing around. “It’s one thing hearing about it, but this is--”

“Nothing, compared to what lies within.”

Elham scoffed. “Thank you, Arken, very inspiring.”

The Crows watched Arken slowly crank a handle, watching a dingy train emerge from the edge of the Fold. “There. So, goat, jurda, thank you. Now we’re just waiting on…”

Gunshots emerged on the other side of the field, and Elham turned to see Jesper sprinting in their direction, a crowd of men right on his heels. “Wait for me!”

“They can’t see the train!” The Conductor took the torch from Inej, putting it out in the sand.

Kaz was growing angrier by the second. “Jesper! Get here now!”

“Put out the lantern.”

Elham pulled the pistol off her hip, advancing forward just enough to be able to aim at the men after Jesper. She only had two bullets, and then her gun would be useless. Without her sword, all she would have left is the knife strapped to her thigh. Still, Jesper had to get there, preferably not full of bullet holes.

She began picking off the two closest to him, one bullet missing, hitting the sign next to him, the other lodging itself into another man's thigh. He crumpled to the floor with a cry. “Damn it, Jesper! Hurry the fuck up, I’m out of bullets!”

She dropped the gun, pulling out the knife, ready to use it if she had to. Jesper had stopped now, reading the landmines sign. He picked his pace back up when another gunshot flew over his head. “Oh, wait for me! Don’t you go without me! Wait!”

Elham turned, pulling herself up onto the train, grabbing Jesper’s arm and pulling him in when he got close enough, falling back into one of the seats. “You’re a fucking idiot.”

The men were still advancing, and Inej began pulling the door shut, checking to make sure everything was secure. Elham had stood now, grabbing the sack off Jesper’s shoulder handing it to Arken.

“Please tell me this is 20 pounds of alabaster coal.”

Jesper turned to them. “Slight snag in the plan. Turns out that the kid who was helping me buy the coal, didn’t exactly know how to, uh, buy coal.”

Kaz nodded, unamused. “We know you gambled it away.”

“I lost a little bit of the money...ok I lost all of the money, but I managed to steal twenty pounds of alabaster coal.”

The Conductor looked over the bag. “No, no, no, there’s sixteen pounds!”

Jesper corrected himself, smoothing down his jacket. “Sixteen pounds, of alabaster coal.”

Kaz looked like he was going to have a heart attack, and Elham was fighting herself to not say I told you so. “Can we do it on sixteen?”

“Never been done before?”

Gunshots hit the side of the train, and Arken moved Jesper, placing him into a seat. “Sit here. Never shift your weight.”

Inej slowly sank into a chair, and Kaz violently pulled off his jacket, before motioning to Elham to sit down. She took a seat next to him, and watched Arken pull up his sleeve, seeing cuts along his wrist, like tally marks. Saints, he had crossed that many times?

Inej, knife drawn, said a quick prayer. Elham took a deep breath, getting ready to think of some funny last words, when an explosion went off, followed by the sound of men screaming.

Kaz’s face grew cold. “I thought you said they weren’t real.”

“I said nothing of the sort. I just said I put the sign up myself.” The Conductor hit a few levers, and the train began moving. Kaz glared, leaning back in his seat, and Elham straightened up next to him, exasperatedly laughing. Could this be going any worse?

---

It had been a few minutes, and the train was barreling down, the Conductor checking his watch. The sound of metal clanging got everyone’s attention, and Jesper uneasily sat up. “What was that?”

“I’ve erected a system of timers along the line. Bits of metal hung on poles to keep me apprised of our pace.”

This piqued Kaz’s interest. “How did you know where to put the poles?”

“Physics and engineering account for most of my success. The rest is what we might call divine intervention, what others might call luck.”

Elham scoffed at that. “If there was any divine intervention, I’d be at the bottom of the harbour right now, Saint’s know I deserve it. But here I am, imminent death looming over me. Sounds like bad luck to me, eh Arken?”

“Well, I don’t know about that. I do know that the Fold is thick with volcra, and the tracks are not complete. Coal, please?”

Jesper perked up at that, eyes widening. “I’m sorry, did you say the tracks weren't complete?”

“I said they aren’t complete. And stop moving.”

Elham turned to Kaz, for the first time in the night, feeling actual fear. If she was going to die back there, a gunshot wound, or landmine, then so be it. It would be kinder than anything Heleen had planned for her. But to be ripped apart by volcra, part of a mass grave in the Fold?

Kaz gave her a look, one that said to calm down, don’t lose it. Arken ignored it, telling him to put in more coal. They were running late.

Jesper fidgeted in his seat, panicking, “I'm sorry, can we get back to the bigger issue? We’re on tracks that don’t connect to other tracks?”

“Yes, there’s a gap, but--”

Kaz had lost all patience. “You said you could get us through.”

Jesper was still panicking, now exasperated. “How much of a gap?”

Arken fidgeted with the levers, pushing buttons, and the car lurched forward. “I built slats on the car. They roll into place under the wheels. The turbine generates enough wind to push us all the way to the eastern track. As long as we don’t shift our weight. Now, the noise may attract volcra, but it’s the only way across. There’s a nest nearby, but we’ll be fine. If they haven’t attacked us in--”

A volcra screech was heard in the distance.

“Well now we’ve got a problem.”

“Of fucking course. Because why would this go well? Why would anything be easy? Can’t have anything nice, can we?”

Kaz looked worried now, but he was probably the most calm of the group. “Elham, shut up, Jesper’s gonna go into cardiac arrest if you say things like that. Arken, how do you fight them off?”

“I outrun them, open the throttle and toss in all the coal, which works when there’s twenty pounds of it!”

Elham sucked in a breath. “Jesper, I love you, but if we make it out of this alive, I’m most definitely going to kill you. Sit still!”

The car was slammed into, and a horrifying screech was heard. A pool of blood began pouring in through one of the cracks in the ceiling. Arken looked out the window. “Damn it! The stupid thing impaled itself on the spike.”

Kaz spoke up. “We need to get it off, the others are going to stand on it!”

“More coal!”

“We’re down to fumes! We’ll never make it with this extra weight.” He tossed the bag into the flames, but it did little to the pace.

Jesper was sitting in his chair, staring off. “This is how we die?”

Arken didn’t even look up. “Jesper, grab the groat.”

“I’m not throwing out the goat!”

“Grab the damn goat! It’s not bait, it’s for you! I need you to calm down, hug the goat. Shut the hell up.”

Jesper picked up the goat and held it tight to his chest, Inej groaning and placing her head in her hands.

Another clang, signalling the pace, went off, and Arken paled. “We should have hit that twenty seconds ago. My timings are precise to get us outside. Even twenty seconds behind means the train stops inside the Fold, and that...that means we die. There’s more coming!”

More volcra stacked up on top of the train car, screeching, and Arken scurried back to his chair. “You may want to make your peace!”

Elham turned to Kaz, who was positively out of plans. Inej was praying, Jesper was clutching tightly to the goat.

This was it.

Kaz met her eyes, desperately trying to come up with something to say, something that would possibly be good enough for his last moments with his Crows, with his Valkyrie, when Jesper stood up, the goat still under his arm.

He had this sense of calm to him, face now determined. He stepped forward, heading to the front of the car, the Crows watching him. He suddenly pulled his pistols from their holsters, twirling them around in his hands, before firing up at the ceiling. Volcra screeched, blood spattered, Arken was cowering in the corner, but Jesper persisted, rotating pistols, firing away.

Their pace increased as more and more volcra fell away from the train car, and Jesper holstered his pistols.

Inej glanced around, who had been still in her seat the entire ride. “Are they all dead?”

There was a moment of silence, before a claw burst in through the ceiling, and a volcra’s head pushed its way in. Arken screamed, but Jesper just raised his pistol, chambering a round, and launched it into the volcra’s head. It screeched, before falling off the train as well.

The Crows sat in their seats, stunned faces, before another metal clang went off, signalling the timer again. Arken checked his watch, and suddenly, the inside of the train car was lit up.

They had made it out.

They skidded to a stop at the edge of the Fold. They slowly stood up, making their way out of the train car. Elham wiped at her face, hopping out, turning to Jesper. “I’ve reconsidered. I’m not going to kill you. But pull some shit like that again, and I swear I’ll--”

“Got it, got it. Won’t happen again, love.”

She scoffed at that, speeding up to catch up with Kaz, who was leading them into the city. She muttered to herself. “Yeah, Jesper, sure. And I’m the Queen of the Barrel.”

Kaz raised a brow, glancing at her next to him, before continuing on.

---

A/N - hi, here's another chapter. please check out the authors note chapter, i will be deleting it before i post the next chapter, but i wanted a little feedback. (if you're reading this on tumblr, i didn't post the authors note on here, i'm basically just asking for opinions, critiques, likes, dislikes, ideas, i just want to writ something you all would enjoy better.) feel free to contact me anytime, and thank you for the support!

#wattpad #in my feels probably #ineffable #six of crows imagine #six of crows #shadow and bone #grishaverse #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker

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