#listening to their songs have permanently altered my brain chemistry

[lexeees]

shoutout to onf for having one of the most delicious discographies in the industry

[loki-cees-all]

Space Oddity {Avengers!Loki x Female Reader One-shot}

Cee's Loki Fic Masterlist / AO3 Link

Pairing : Avengers!Loki x Female Reader

Summary : While preparing for Stark Tower’s Halloween party, Loki misunderstands the point of a Halloween Costume. Luckily he has you to help him navigate such tricky waters. 

W/c : 10k words

Content / Warnings : Established Relationship, Fluff, Smut, Loki being a little massive shit and also a silly goose.

Author's Note : Last year a certain LIFE-RUINER (affectionate) dressed up as Ziggy Stardust/David Bowie/Aladdin Sane for Halloween, and it permanently altered my brain chemistry. Because of (or in spite of?) the ensuing brain rot, it took 11 months of me staring at that picture to finally come up with an idea to include Loki in that delicious little mix.

P.S. I do recommend listening to Space Oddity by David Bowie while you read this. If you start the song at "Humanity’s wide variety of music..." then depending on your reading speed, the song's first Verse should start right at the big reveal 🤭

18+ Only - Minors DNI

⊱ ─ ༓ ── ⋅•⋅⊰ ─ ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ∙ ⋅ ─ ⊱⋅•⋅ ── ༓ ─ ⊰

A crisp, hazy mist obscured your view of the ground from the 22nd floor of Stark Tower. Sunrise was yet to fully finish, and the Earth below was quiet, still adjusting to the uneasy transition from slumber to consciousness. Within that ambiguity, it was easy to believe that you’d somehow awoken on an entirely new planet. 

You often wondered what that was like, to feel the soil from an uncharted world give way underneath your boots. To feel a breeze coming off an ocean no other human had ever seen before, or to look up into the night sky and see the stars of a brand new galaxy. How colossal, how surreal, how inferior it must make someone feel. 

On lazy mornings such as this one, you’d often ask your partner what it was like to be an astronaut. He’d hand you a steaming cup of coffee as he rejoined you in bed, and with a contemplative expression, he’d always respond with a brand new answer. 

You suspected the change in response was just due to him recalling his first trip to a different realm, and each time you always listened very carefully. You always closed your eyes and tried to lose yourself in the picturesque descriptions of fantasy worlds you’d probably never be able to see personally. 

Sometimes, if you focused hard enough, you could almost smell the forests of a brand new planet. You could almost taste its fresh water and its different fruit, and feel the immaculate breezes of its unstudied seasons. But then you’d open your eyes again, and when you looked through the skyscraper’s window, the few dapples of orange and yellow leaves breaking through the dense fog would let you know this was still planet Earth. 

But that wasn’t always so bad. Occasionally, there would be several weeks without a world-ending threat breathing down the Avenger’s necks, and that meant you could pretend you were all just regular people. You could sleep in or get up extra early to watch the world come to life, you could rush around and do any of the million things that needed to be done, or you could simply lay there and bask in that sweet silence. 

Today, after having coffee in bed, your only concrete plan was a shopping trip in the West Village with Wanda and Nat. Your only solid goal was to finally settle on the perfect costumes for the Halloween party happening just a few days from now. 

It was no secret that the Avengers had acquired a sizable contingency of cynics over the years, ones who weren’t shy about openly criticizing the entire team. From the collateral damage incurred during battle, to the individual actions of its members both on and off the team - anything they did was suspect, and absolutely nothing was beyond complaint. Thus, Pepper Potts had made it her personal mission to finally correct the planet’s opinions of its heroes. 

In addition to the team’s assistance towards rebuilding efforts after their battles were won and having its members performing very public charity work, Stark Tower was starting to host more “fun” events in order to further boost the team’s positive image. 

“To get your names in the papers without a rising death toll immediately afterwards,” was specifically how Pepper had explained her initiative. And naturally, that meant a Halloween Party was deemed absolutely necessary. 

Anyone who was even tertiarily related to the Avengers was going to be there: from the low-level, but still notable, world government leaders, to the honorary members from all corners of the globe. And of course, plenty of reporters and photographers would be in attendance, all of them ready to document every single fun moment. It was set to become an impressive party, and knowing Pepper, a very classy event - so it shouldn’t have been at all surprising that most of the team had become hyper-focused on winning the party’s costume contest. 

Initially, everyone kept their costumes a secret from one another, and the trash-talking was of a mostly friendly nature. But then rumors started flying around, and gradually, some members of the team started taking the competition far too seriously. Alliances were formed, and subsequently broken. The taunting soon became serious, and then reached devastating levels, which ultimately escalated into a four-day period where Tony and Steve couldn’t even be in the same room together without a physical fight breaking out. 

Thankfully, the girls were far more casual about it, and that afternoon’s shopping trip was planned to be one of mutual support. Wanda was hoping to finalize her couple’s costume with Vision, and even though she hadn’t mentioned it directly, you knew that Nat was attempting a similar endeavor with Bruce, despite his timid insistence that he wasn’t a “costume guy”. It was so adorably endearing that it almost gave you a toothache. 

Unfortunately, things were not so cut and dry with Loki. 

He had yet to mention the Halloween party on his own, nor had he participated in any group discussions on the subject - he even ignored Tony's attempts to goad him into verbal sparring matches, something Loki ordinarily enjoyed. Not that anyone should be genuinely excited about performative media relations disguised as a fun party, but nonetheless, you were starting to become concerned about his lack of interest.

Private conversations with him about finding a costume had gone nowhere. He didn’t understand why he needed to dress up at all, or why you cared so much about it. And while he wasn’t saying it out loud, you didn’t need to be a genius to guess why he had reservations: everyone else already believed he was an actual monster, so shouldn’t he just be himself on Halloween? 

Only a few weeks had passed since you’d moved in together, but it was going really well, all things considered. The otherworldly being you’d fallen in love with still didn’t understand most Earthly customs, and you very much enjoyed being his Midgardian teacher. But coming to terms with what he’d done while under the influence of the Mind Stone was still an ongoing struggle for him. 

Loki had good days, but he also had very, very bad days. He still had nightmares about his past, and frequently his worries about the future kept him helplessly trapped in bed. It broke your heart to witness, and even though he’d probably never reveal the full details about his time with The Black Order and Thanos, he at least never stopped you from offering him comfort in the middle of the night. 

Because he wasn’t the monster his critics or inner demons claimed he was, no matter how convincing they were. He deserved a good and peaceful life just as much as everyone else did, and you wanted nothing more than to help him finally have one. 

When you’d left the apartment later that morning, Loki was lounging peacefully on the living room couch, his nose buried in the oldest book you’d ever seen. A gentle smile had tugged at his lips while you kissed his forehead on your way out, and with tremendous love in his eyes, he said that he’d miss you terribly while you were gone. 

After an early lunch at The Coppola Cafe, the three of you spent the afternoon browsing what felt like every single vintage clothing shop in the West End. It didn’t take long for Wanda and Nat to finalize their costumes, and eventually you did manage to find something for yourself, but deciding on your partner’s costume was another story entirely. A terribly complicated task, one that was impossible to accomplish and rotten with trap doors and landmines hiding within the deceptive labyrinth that was Loki. 

The girls did their best to make helpful suggestions during the shopping trip, offering such innocent and guiltless ideas like a mailman, or a stuffy professor - or perhaps he could dress up as Shakespeare so he could spend the entire party wandering around quoting Hamlet. Or maybe instead, he should just wear a Ghostface mask and a long black cloak, so he had a good excuse to stay concealed and silent all night long. 

You appreciated their efforts, but none of those ideas were quite right for him. You couldn’t really explain why, but they just weren’t…Loki. 

By late afternoon, your mind had turned into a jumbled mess. Unable to think clearly anymore, you resorted to aimless purchases of extra things neither of you probably wouldn’t ever use - cheap makeup sets, bottles of fake blood, a set of vampire fangs, a pair of cat ears. Several brightly colored wigs, a second-hand cape, and a large bag of Halloween candy to stress eat later finally completed your purchases for the day. 

The group came back to the Tower just before dusk, and the living room of your apartment was quiet when you walked inside. A few lamps illuminated on the end tables gave the space a dark, brooding mood, which was greatly appreciated after such a busy and disappointing day. But unfortunately, Loki was no longer on the couch where you’d left him, and that old book was nowhere to be seen. 

“Hey! I’m home!” you called out while setting your shopping bags down by the front door. 

An odd silence was the only thing that greeted you. 

Usually, Loki would be at the front door, ready to sweep you up in his arms whenever you returned home. But the apartment remained unmoving, even as you called out a second time. When he still didn’t appear, you poked your head into the kitchen while shrugging off your jacket and slipping off your shoes. But that room was also completely vacant, with no evidence of dinner being started or already had. 

Loki preferred spending most of his time alone, but occasionally he’d allow an enticing bribe from Bruce or Thor to drag him out of the apartment; maybe he was just studying something interesting up in Bruce’s lab, or perhaps he’d agreed to help his brother play a prank on someone. Grateful for the opportunity to wallow in solitude for a bit, you pulled the giant bag of Halloween candy from a shopping bag and made your way towards the back of the apartment. 

You padded down the empty hallway where there was still no sign of Loki. Everything in the entire apartment was clean, and in its place. There was absolutely nothing wrong, and yet it felt like the weight of the entire world was resting heavily on your shoulders. You tried to reassure yourself that it was nothing that a coma-inducing amount of candy couldn’t fix, but even that was becoming less believable with each step forward. 

As you approached the bedroom, you thought you could hear the very faint sounds of guitar strumming through the closed door. That gave you pause; certain that you hadn’t left anything on before leaving that morning, you cautiously moved closer, until your ear was pressed against the door. 

Yes, that was music you were hearing - familiar music, even though you couldn’t quite place it yet, and you couldn’t help but to smile to yourself. Loki was home after all, and he had been entertaining himself with music while you were out. It thoroughly warmed your heart with an unexplainable feeling of serenity, and pleased that he’d remembered how to use the record player on his own, you waited behind the door to listen for another moment. 

Humanity’s wide variety of music was one of the few things about our culture that he’d expressed genuine interest in - which of course, you happily encouraged. It was so much fun introducing him to everything from the classic composers of the 18th and 19th centuries, to the psychedelic rockers of the 20th century. From the upbeat pop groups of your middle school years, to the angsty singers that made up the soundtrack of your early twenties.

You closed your eyes to focus solely on whatever he was listening to now. The music itself was playing low, the singer’s impassive voice just barely audible to you. But you couldn’t tell if it was a really old recording, or if the sound was just distorted after passing through the door. 

Off in the distance, a punctuated drum stroke marked the countdown to some inconceivable event, and adrenaline suddenly filled your bloodstream. A low hum vibrated underneath the drum, steady until it wasn’t, and then gradually it shifted into a cosmic wail that seemed to be transmitting itself across all of time and space. A cacophony of instruments, from both the planet Earth and of the stars themselves, finally crescendoed together in a powerful array of astronomical declaration. 

A declaration that something was happening at that very moment. Breathed into life with a static kiss, that something was so astonishingly important, and it vehemently demanded immediate witness. 

Your curiosity, overwhelming to the point that you couldn’t take it any longer, forced you to carefully reach for the door handle. Its metal, both warm and cold simultaneously, felt like home. It felt unreal. 

This felt like opening the hatch to an ancient spacecraft. 

This is Ground Control to Major Tom…

You pushed open the door, and immediately let out a startled laugh. Standing in front of the bedroom mirror was a tall and lanky figure, turning himself back and forth while carefully examining his reflection. That part wasn’t surprising; but rather, it was the way he’d dressed himself that was completely unexpected. 

You’ve really made the grade…

Bright red and blue stripes lined the figure’s jumpsuit from shoulder to toe, each one evenly separated by thin lines of white. Familiar dark curls cascaded and twisted down past a pair of golden, glittering shoulder pads that only amplified his already impressive stature. Across his right eye, stretching from well below his cheekbone up to meet with his natural hairline, was a crimson lightning bolt. Its perfectly jagged edges were outlined in shimmering blue, and the leather platform boots on his feet were a brilliant, shining red. 

And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear…

You knew it wasn’t actually Ziggy Stardust standing there; logically, you knew that much to be true. David Bowie had died several years ago, and while you now believed in alien life on other planets, and magic, and superheroes - you still knew the matter of ghosts to be entirely science fiction. 

Rational thought, if you had been capable of it in that moment, would have told you that this was just your celestial partner practicing another one of his illusions. But this mirage was so much more powerful than reason, or fact, or reality could have ever hoped to be. While shoulder-strung spectral harps blared from the record player and the harmonized magnetism of flesh and blood and God stood before you, the only conclusion to be reached was that you’d finally lost your entire mind. 

Now it’s time to leave the capsule if you dare…

Other than his hair, his illusion was categorically perfect: the only hint of Loki underneath this glamour was the flicker of mischievous green hiding behind heterochromatic eyes. But those weren’t Loki’s cheekbones, or his lips, or his nose. 

They were David fucking Bowie’s. 

This is Major Tom to Ground Control…

Your jaw dropped even further when he finally noticed you. He turned someone else’s body, and he lifted someone else’s chin. The illustrious and supernal smile he flashed in your direction tugged at someone else’s lips. But the confidence that radiated out of him, like the infernal rays of an ever-bursting star, belonged to Loki, and Loki alone. 

It was different from Bowie’s, but still somehow the same; despite the oddity of both their ensembles, neither outfit had worn either man. And similar to that ethereal mortal from over 50 years ago, Loki’s aura overrode any bewildered question of why, and instead begged the eternal question of how? 

I’m stepping through the door…

How was he making this look work for him? Just like Bowie, Loki was equal parts striking and ridiculous. He was magnetic and breathtaking, he was pulling you in while simultaneously stunning the oxygen from your lungs. No thoughts, no words, no sounds could ever truly capture the true essence of this scene, and all you could manage was another stunned laugh as you looked him up and down. 

His lips finally moved, but you couldn’t hear what he was saying. A symphony of guitars and keyboards and organs and stringed instruments all crescendoed together to effectively pay tribute to the creation of this universe and drown out his voice. The sound, dizzying and disorienting, overpowered the feel of the floor beneath your feet until gravity was no longer enough to keep you tethered to the Earth. 

And I’m floating in the most peculiar way…

Your mind, completely overwhelmed by the glowing specter just ten feet away, had become entirely blank. You were rendered so totally speechless that you forgot every single detail about your past. You simply weren’t you anymore; you were an astronaut from a distant planet on the other side of the universe, and you always had been. 

You weren’t standing on the 22nd floor of Stark Tower, you were opening the hatch of an imaginary spacecraft, you were taking that first step out onto an unexplored moon. You were leaving the very first footprints upon its previously untouched surface, and you were carving your name into its virgin moondust. You were leaving your mark for future generations to someday gaze upon, in sheer awe of the audacity to wonder what else could be out there. 

And the stars look very different today… 

Without even noticing, you let go of the bag of Halloween candy; whether it also began floating or if it crashed to your bedroom floor was no longer any of your concern. All you could think about was if it felt this surreal, this mind-blowing to look upon the real David Bowie. How did anybody manage to not spontaneously combust in his presence? 

All sense of relative dimensions lost their meaning. Space was completely irrelevant, time was a fictional construct. The universe was never going to stop expanding, so would anyone ever be able to see it all? How could a numerical value ever be assigned to the entire concept of time? Why were any of us here? 

For here, am I sitting in a tin can? 

You had no way of knowing how much time had passed, but at some point, Loki must have realized that he’d broken you. Without losing his proud smile, he waved a hand in the direction of your record player. Its needle lifted, and an eerie silence immediately descended over the room. 

As soon as the music stopped, part of the spell clouding your mind vanished. A rush of oxygen suddenly filled your lungs, and your heart finally returned to its beating. Blood resumed its journey through your veins, and the floor became substantial underneath your feet again. You blinked once, twice, three times and shook your head, trying to clear it so that you might be able to ask just one of the million questions that all popped up at the exact same time. 

“Something the matter, dear?” 

Your eyes flew back open. Unfortunately, his glamour was still in place, and it was Ziggy Stardust that gingerly approached your position by the door. And when he’d spoken, it wasn’t Loki’s voice you’d heard - it was the voice of David Bowie. 

Unsure of what to do with yourself, inundated and engulfed in sensations of the most flustered manner, you squeezed your eyes shut again. Your arms crossed and uncrossed, your knees locked and unlocked as your weight shifted back and forth. You couldn’t help but laugh and shake your head again. 

“Loki, um…What the…” You had to pause to let out a deep, shaky breath, to run your hands up and down your face in a desperate attempt to wake from this very confusing dream. “What, um - are you doing, exactly?” 

The air around you warmed considerably as he stopped in front of you, and the amusement in Bowie’s voice, so smooth and so sure of himself, was more than palpable as he spoke. 

“Preparing for the masquerade, my dear. The same thing you were doing all afternoon.”

A gentle finger tilted your chin upwards, silently requesting that your eyes open again. When you did, it was Ziggy Stardust staring down at you from his impressive height, his expression curious and the unnecessarily tall boots he stood upon just making everything worse for you. 

You gasped breathlessly. Your brain almost melted entirely. The massive crush you’d had on David Bowie when you were 13 years old suddenly roared to life once more. You’d never told anyone about it, because everyone else your age was in love with the much more socially acceptable choices of Nick Carter or Justin Timberlake. Back then, admitting to a near-fatal attraction on an androgynous, bisexual and eccentric musician from the 1970s would have been akin to signing your own death warrant. 

Nowadays, such a crush was far more acceptable to have, but you thought those feelings had faded away with adolescence. There’d been no reason to bring it up, not even when you’d first introduced Loki to Bowie’s music. And now you were standing face-to-chest with the physical embodiment of your lie by omission. 

Overwhelmed once more, you backed away from him and covered your eyes. “Okay, can you - take those boots off, please? You’re already ridiculously taller than me, so you don’t need them…” 

“As you wish, darling.” 

His voice, though sincere, was still someone else’s. Admittedly, it was intoxicating to hear Bowie’s voice addressing you in such a loving, familiar tone - but it was also incredibly intimidating. You were already on the verge of collapse as it was; you didn’t need yet another reason to make a very rapid crash landing to the floor. 

Carefully, you let out a very slow breath to steady yourself. “And - can you also go back to using your voice, please?” 

There was a brief moment of silence, and a part of you wished you could see the enchanting smirk he almost certainly wore at that very moment. When he finally answered, it was in his own voice again, but it was just as amused as Bowie’s voice had been. 

“As you wish, darling.” 

You let out a shuddered sigh of relief, and your body relaxed somewhat. When you cracked open your eyelids from behind your fingers, he was still Ziggy, but the sight was a little easier to deal with now that he stood at his normal height and spoke with his actual voice. 

Now that he was closer, you took in the comforting notes of citrus and cedarwood on his skin, scents you knew to be Loki’s. You swallowed hard, your pupils dilated wildly as you finally allowed yourself to look him over. 

“You did this for the Halloween party?” you asked softly. 

Loki’s expression was much more reserved now, and he nodded earnestly. “Yes, I thought you would enjoy it. Is that not the case?” 

Your breath hitched as you reached out to touch him. Your fingertips brushed along the golden collar around his neck. The material was soft and pliable, not like the polyester you’d find on a cheap costume from a pop-up Halloween store. No, the fabric Loki wore was both real, and it wasn’t. It was the truth, but it was also a lie. He was both mortal and ethereal simultaneously. 

“And what made you choose this version of David Bowie to imitate?” 

The reimagined figure of Ziggy Stardust shrugged nonchalantly. His gaze, as intent and dedicated as ever, remained locked on your expression while your fingers drifted over to his shoulder pads, and then back down to the center of his chest. 

“Well, the other night you remarked on how much I supposedly resembled this particular mortal…” 

A shy smile pulled at your lips. “Okay, go on…” 

He reached out to caress your cheek, his thumb soft and solid against your skin. “And I was thinking about that film you showed me. The one that used music to tell its story…”

You stifled another giggle by pulling your lower lip between your teeth. Both of your hands found their way to his chest, one of them pulling the zipper of his jumpsuit until you could see just the barest hint of his chest hair. 

“A music video. The Space Oddity music video, specifically…” 

Ziggy, or Loki - whomever it was - donned a playful grin. “Yes, of course. With the oscillating, dark-green lines. I quite enjoyed that one…” 

You nodded absentmindedly. Your fingers, like they had a mind of their own, tugged the zipper down just a little bit further. Its metal teeth, crafted with the utmost precision possible, gave way and unlocked so easily to reveal even more of his skin, and your heart hammered inside your chest. 

It was impossible that Loki couldn’t see right through your expression, that he didn’t know about the salacious thoughts swirling around in your head. Like he’d expected you to have this very reaction, he gently slipped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer, until you were pressed all the way against him. 

“Darling, I know that the stress of preparing for this particular soiree has been weighing heavily on your mind as of late…” he continued with a soft murmur as he delicately spun you both around and guided you back towards the bed. “And I wanted to do something to help alleviate that burden for you…” 

Your heart leapt violently into your throat. At first, it was the surprise that he’d noticed your inner turmoil that did you in, but then it shifted towards dismay over you apparently not hiding it as well as you thought you were. 

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you replied with an innocent smile as he slowly lowered you both down to the mattress. 

But yes, of course you’d been feeling tons of pressure lately about the party. The Avengers had all known about your relationship with Loki for a while, but the rest of the Tower still didn’t - and neither did the rest of the world. They were all going to find out at the Halloween party. 

Loki chuckled and allowed his weight to fully settle on top of yours. “What have I told you about good girls who like to lie, my love?” he murmured softly, his lips brushing teasingly against yours. 

While you didn’t really care what everyone else thought about you, what they thought about Loki was many magnitudes of greater importance. He was already in a very precarious situation as it was; depending on the pundit or publication, his every scowl was interpreted as one of disdain for the human race, his every word a threat that he was just moments away from leading another alien invasion. 

They already hated him, and they’d never forgive him for New York, no matter how well he’d behaved since. 

Your breath shuddered, and your fingers couldn’t help but tangle between the dark curls that were so effortlessly Loki’s. “That they should…do it more, probably?” 

Any mistake he made in the field was grounds for his dismissal, anytime he drank a glass of wine instead of a beer was his blatant attempt to dismantle democracy itself. His every move was overanalyzed and deciphered by a bunch of people who had never even met him, who never even cared to know what he was like behind closed doors or in private, when he actually felt safe to be himself. 

They didn’t even care that he’d been corrupted by measures of torture they’d never have been able to survive themselves. Or that it had been entirely against his will, or that even while his invasion was taking place, he was subtly laying the groundwork for the Avengers to be able to stop him in the first place. 

“A valiant attempt, darling, but we both know that wasn’t what I meant…” he whispered hotly, nippling at your jaw. He adjusted the angle of his hips, and he began to roll them against yours. 

You moaned softly in response. Your mind began to melt, this time in pleasure instead of shock. The juxtaposition of Loki and Bowie and Ziggy, though confusing at first, started to make sense. It scratched an itch you couldn’t possibly have guessed that you had, and it created an intense need deep within your soul.

Unable to resist him any further, you captured his lips in a fiery kiss, and he eagerly returned it. His mouth worked hard and fast against yours, in a brand new style of coruscating and devastating passion. Hot and heavy, the kiss tasted just like Loki’s always had, but now it contained an extra dose of stardust. 

Loki's hands cupped your cheeks, thumbs brushing against your cheekbones, his hips again rolling against yours. His breath was quick against your skin, his needy groans like music to your ears. This transcendental combination of the past and present, of both the mortal plane and of the stars themselves, somehow craved you this badly and he wasn’t even afraid to show it. 

It was so strange; Loki may have come from the stars, but somehow, he was still beholden to you here on Earth. 

Within moments your legs wrapped themselves around his waist. Your tongue swiped at his bottom lip, requesting entry, and he granted it. Your hands drifted to his neck, his drifted to your thighs, and your bodies writhed together, eagerly, desperately, hungrily. 

The heat between you escalated even further - the kind of heat that usually precipitated the creation of a new star in the sky. Just as you began to yank the jumpsuit’s zipper down further, a shimmer of emerald washed down your bodies, effortlessly and fully undressing the both of you. 

You fucking loved it when he did that. 

Loki could use his magic to do anything he wanted; he could, and had already, used it to destroy, and to maim, and to control. But now he only used it to protect the ones he’d previously tried to conquer. Now he just used it to love - or when he couldn’t handle not being inside you for another second. 

His skin was hot against yours, his hands worshiped your curves. Your body stretched and arched underneath his, taking him in, making love to him like it was the very first time. It always felt that way, like you were floating one hundred thousand miles above the Earth, like the stars were finally within reach and only now could you actually reach them. 

Your fingernails dug into his hips. The sound of the creaking bed was soon drowned out by breathless moans against your ear, of prayers and curses and promises. Your toes curled, your eyelids fluttered shut. Wild movements crescendoed into the purest form of what you knew to be the truth: the Earth was blue, the moon was silver, and Loki’s love would always be with you no matter where he went. 

The orgasm ripped through you like a gravitational force collapsing the entire universe. Your muscles tensed, your body trembled underneath him. Pleasure seeped out of your pores and you cried out for him, incoherent and delirious. It felt like you had left your body entirely - remarkably disconnected from reality, but still safely anchored to him. 

Loki fell off the edge just after you did. His muscles contracted as he clung to you, his voice nothing but shameless groans and heated gasps. With parted lips and a heavy breath, he intertwined his fingers with yours, he buried his face into your neck, and together your bodies finally collapsed within that mutual satisfaction. 

An immeasurable length of time passed during the quiet contentment that followed, and by now, the sun had fully set. Unsure of whether you were just dozing or if you’d actually joined the astral plane, you allowed yourself to remain limp and boneless in his arms. Once again, gravity had no authority here, and you found peace just drifting aimlessly through the ever-growing expansion of outer space. 

“You never answered my earlier question, darling….” 

Loki’s demulcent voice gently pulled you back down to Earth. Your eyelids struggled to open underneath the pressure of the planet’s immense gravity, and suddenly you couldn’t remember anything that had transpired beforehand. 

“No, I’m...pretty sure I answered it already,” you replied with a false confidence, stretching your body against his in an obvious attempt to distract him. 

He chuckled and shifted with you, propping himself up on one elbow. His other hand traced a swirling pattern along your hip. “And I’m quite certain that you didn’t, love…”

For someone called the God of Mischief, he was surely determined to never let you get away with anything. You let out a laughing groan of frustration, and as your eyes opened, as you looked up into his, your breath vanished from your lungs. 

The stars looked so different now. They weren’t Ziggy’s, nor Bowie’s, anymore - they were Loki’s. His glamour had started to fail while you were making love, and now the large constellations of the deepest greens and blues, of Loki himself, were all that stared lovingly back at you. 

Loki grinned when he noticed the awe in your expression. His brow arched in a curious and teasing fashion when you couldn’t answer him. 

“My goodness, she’s turned into a cosmonaut and floated away, hasn’t she…?” he murmured softly, pretending to talk to himself. He took his fingers and made them dance against the sensitive skin of your neck to get your attention. “Hello, darling? Are you still there?” 

Almost immediately you were drowning in a fit of giggles. You scrunched up your shoulders and tried to squirm away, laughing and cursing at him while Loki continued his teasing. But his fingers, tender yet relentless on your sensitive skin, made it impossible to keep your eyes open or coordinate your muscles enough to put a stop to his attack. 

“Yes, hello? I was wondering if you’ve seen a beautiful girl in there?” he continued in that same vexatious tone, his hold on you tightening as he nuzzled his face to yours. “She’s my darling companion, and I’ve been missing her terribly. Can you tell her to come back to me, please?” 

You let out more breathless laughs, you made more desperate wriggles in his grasp. If you’d been able to see anything, you would have seen his cheeky grin and sparkling eyes, all lit up with mirth and devilry. There was absolutely nothing Loki loved more than play, and perhaps that was the true meaning of life anyway. 

But when you finally cried out for mercy, he instantly relented, granting you more benevolence within a single moment of play than he’d ever been given in centuries. And all things considered, Loki was still quite delicate in his handling of you. After all, he had gentleness woven deep within him - the kind that had developed out of defiance, not because it was taught, and that just made him all the more genuine. 

Dutifully, like it was an honor, he shifted your bodies so that he was on his back and you were nestled safely to his chest. Your leg curled around his, and after his fingers completed their soothing motions over the skin he’d just attacked, they moved in wide swoops along your back. 

“I suppose I should repeat my question then?” he murmured softly after kissing your temple. 

His skin, soft and smooth and pale, now smelled like an ancient fire that could burn his way through anything, if he’d wanted it to. It was intoxicating. You wondered if that was the same scent that had once filled the air of Asgard, if you’d ever get to experience it yourself someday. 

“Mmm, yeah. I think you should…” 

Loki cleared his throat, hesitating. His fingertips drifted up to the divot of your shoulder. “Did you truly not enjoy the costume I chose?” 

His voice was so quiet, so tender that it made your heart ache a little bit. You shifted on the bed, leaning up to look him in the eyes. 

“No, I did love it, Loki! It was really thoughtful of you, and for a second, I…” You smiled fondly, recalling the moment you first saw him, while one of your favorite songs ever blasted from your record player. “I really thought it was actually David Bowie, back from the dead…” 

Loki quirked an eyebrow. “And so naturally, your first reaction was to…laugh at it?” 

Your lips pursed together, trying to suppress another one. “Okay, I’m sorry about that. But I wasn’t laughing at the costume, it was honestly just…really overwhelming to walk in and see so unexpectedly…”

“Oh, you found it to be overwhelming, did you?” Loki grinned again, apparently possessing an infinite supply of them. “My poor little dearest, I’m afraid you only have yourself to blame for that.”

“Me?!” you laughed incredulously. “But I’m the victim here!”

So sure of himself, Loki gave a teasing nod. “Yes, you see, darling - I was in the process of choosing the appropriate level of detail for the illusion when you so rudely interrupted me…”

You maintained a playful, sarcastic expression as he explained himself. “Sure, sure. Or you could have just, you know…locked the bedroom door if you didn’t want to be interrupted…” 

Loki chucked and playfully swatted at your hip. “So then tell me, what about it was too much for you? I had already decided that the red hair was a bit excessive, but should I alter the clothing as well? The voice?” he asked, his hand now softly soothing the skin he’d just swatted. 

You silently thanked whatever it was other there that Loki had decided to keep his actual hair; it was one of his best features. Almost automatically, your fingers drifted through those gorgeous strands of caliginous curls, relishing in their strength and fluidity. He let out a tranquil hum when your touch grazed his scalp, and the sound was so effortless, so real, that nothing else could ever compare. 

Unfortunately, your thoughts then drifted towards far less pleasant topics. 

No one in their right mind could ever bring Loki’s capabilities as a sorcerer into question, especially not during battle. In fact, Wanda had previously expressed feelings of inadequacy when comparing her talents to his. But he had spent entire centuries perfecting his craft, he’d dedicated entire human lifetimes to his studies - to the point where most people remained completely unaware of its full extent once an illusion had been cast. 

A large part of that was because he preferred to remain an unanswerable question to everyone else, especially after the attack on New York. He’d rather they looked at his daggers instead of at his soul, or at the black heart he worried was the true source of his seidr. He didn’t want anyone to know what he was truly capable of, lest they fear him even more - or try to use his own knowledge against him. 

But if he wore the illusion of one of Bowie’s personas to the party - not dressed as, but if he actually was the physical embodiment of Ziggy Stardust come back to life - then everyone would know just how afraid of him they should be. You could see the fear-mongering op-ed headlines already - Former Alien Invader Transforms Himself into a Dead Rocker. What’s to Stop Him from Imitating the President Next? 

And the critics who didn’t make that massive jump towards an impossible conclusion? You already knew that if he wore the wrong costume to the party, they’d have even more reason to pick him apart; if they secretly loved his costume, they’d simply accuse him of pandering. There was literally no direction for him to go that wouldn’t result in more needless hatred being spewed at him. 

Even more pressing than all of that, what if they accused him of corrupting an innocent human when they learned about your relationship? You desperately didn’t want to make his life harder than it needed to be, but neither could you face bringing that concern up to him; what if he secretly agreed with them? What if he decided he was defiling your entire life just by existing within it?

What if he decided to leave you, in order to correct that grievous mistake? 

Your fingertips gently traced the angle of his jaw. His eyes drifted closed as he clearly savored your touch, and his expression was just so serene, so peaceful. You couldn’t let him sacrifice that tranquility for the sake of a party; Loki may not have needed your protection on the battlefield, but you sure as hell weren’t going to let him wander into danger back at home. 

“Well, maybe the issue is that you were using an illusion, instead of a costume…” 

His eyes fluttered open beneath a furrowed brow. His pupils widened before fixating on you. “I don’t understand. The goal is to become the subject in question, is it not?” 

You couldn’t help but laugh again; sometimes he surprised you with how human he was, and other times it was because of how alien he was. Letting out a slow breath, you pushed yourself up to sitting next to him. Your legs curled over to the side, and you draped yourself across his chest. 

“I think the real issue is that you might be slightly misunderstanding the point of a costume contest,” you began with a gentle smile. “Using magic to alter your appearance for a contest could be considered…cheating, by some people.” 

His expression was tender, but unrelenting. “I’m still not seeing the problem, darling. If I’m to become someone else in order to participate, then I’m going to become someone else…” 

“But the whole point is how much effort you put into the costume,” you explained with a gentle head tilt. “It’s about how creative you can be with either a limited skill set, or a small budget, or shortened time constraints…” 

You paused for a moment to let your words sink in before continuing.

“And I’m so sorry, but using magic just…isn’t that much effort for you. No matter how amazing or lifelike the illusion is.” 

He nodded, and his eyes flickered with understanding. For a very brief moment, he seemed to be taking your words to heart. But when his lips curved into a cheeky grin, you knew he was about to make another snarky comment. 

“You’re saying Stark will have a conniption if I win the costume contest at his own party? Is that it?” 

You sighed and rolled your eyes while matching his smile. It was actually incredible that he still had this much energy to devote towards acting like a total menace. “Yes, if it helps you to think about it like that, then that is exactly what I’m trying to say…” 

Loki continued thinking about your explanation for another moment, his gaze distant while his hand ran along the length of your arm. Eventually, the grin on his face slowly shifted towards one of true sincerity. 

“Alright then. What would you suggest I do instead?” 

You met his gaze with an even bigger smile of your own. All that remained of his illusion was a jagged, crimson lightning bolt stretching down his cheek, and you brought your fingertips down to gently trace along the bolt’s edges. His skin was so very soft, the transition between alabaster and crimson so seamless. It was only then that you remembered one of the purchases made earlier that day with Wanda and Nat. 

“Well, for starters…I think we ought to actually paint this design on your face.” 

Before he could even respond, you had already hopped out of bed - not that you would have responded to him anyway. And while wearing nothing but a scheming grin, you practically soared across the room, stopping just long enough to grab a few clothes from the bedroom floor on your way to the living room. 

“We ought to do what, darling?” Loki’s incredulous voice called out after you disappeared through the doorway. 

As you hurried into the living room, you bounced on one foot, and then the other, while pulling the pair of panties up to your hips. After clumsily slipping the t-shirt over your head and guiding your arms through its sleeves, you lowered down to your knees next to the shopping bags left by the front door. 

Did you have any experience with painting faces? None whatsoever.

Was that going to stop you now? Absolutely not. His illusion may have been overwhelming, but Loki’s inspiration of picking a David Bowie character for his Halloween costume was beyond perfect, and you were going to do whatever it took to make that idea a more feasible reality. 

Rummaging past the bright pink wig and the fringed flapper dress and the vampire fangs purchased earlier that day, you finally found it: a palette of Halloween make-up. The flat, rectangular box contained a few small brushes and a row of circular discs, each one filled with a different and very bright shade of creamy, metallic make-up. 

It was definitely a very cheap make-up set, and probably had way too many questionable ingredients that you’d never be able to fully investigate, but it should work just fine for this little trial - as long as Loki let you anywhere near him with it. You were sure that he would after batting your pretty little eyelashes at him. 

Back in the bedroom, you could hear him shifting on the bed. You shot back up to your feet. “Don’t get up! Just stay right there, Loki, I’m coming back!”

You carefully ripped into the package as you padded across the living room. Not only was this your first time painting someone’s face, but it might be the first time Loki’d ever had his face painted as well. A twinge of excitement, laced with a hint of unease, swam freely inside your veins; there was a good reason why your skillset had led you towards a career of getting beat up on a professional level, instead of towards a quieter, peaceful career of make-up artistry or hair-styling. 

Complicating matters even more was the fact that Loki was quite particular about his appearance. The last thing you wanted to do was ruin this newfound interest in the Halloween party. 

When you returned to the doorway of your bedroom, Loki was seated on the edge of your shared bed. His long legs were spread wide, with delicious expanses of thigh peeking out between the tousled sheets. His expression was dreamy and brooding as he ran a large hand through his midnight curls, like his thoughts were a hundred thousand miles away while he smoothed and detangled. 

His face lit up when he finally noticed you, but then it dropped when he saw what you were holding. “Please tell me that’s a joke. You’re joking with that, yes?” 

You grinned and shook your head like you were trying to fling your nervous energy into a nearby galaxy. “Not a chance. Scoot!” you laughed, waving your hand to get him to make room for you. 

He complied, but still let out a frustrated groan as he shifted to the middle of the bed and leaned back against the headboard. “Darling, be reasonable. I’m already getting a rash just looking at that preposterous concoction…” 

“Oh, come on! ” you whined, fluttering your eyelashes in a way you know he both loved and hated. “I know it’s not Armani, but you’ll survive a test run with it, right?” 

Loki sighed, and then he softly patted the mattress next to him. “You’re lucky you’re so damn adorable…” 

“I know. It’s a blessing and a curse for you, isn’t it?” 

Having won the first battle, you settled next to him on the bed. Your legs curled up underneath you, and with an innocent smile, you blinked at him once more, a silent request that he drop the final remainder of his illusion. The lightning bolt on his face disappeared with an emerald glimmer, and a playful smirk replaced it. 

“Yes, it is. And you’re going to be so very embarrassed if this folderol does actually kill me…” 

You carefully pried open the palette and dragged a brush through the creamy, red substance on the palette. “Oh, please. Of all the things that could kill you, it’s not going to be drug-store brand holiday make-up…” 

Starting at his forehead, you made gentle strokes against his skin, testing to see how well it absorbed the cream. As expected, it didn’t smear very well, the edges were smudged and uneven. But there was no need to panic just yet - it was still completely fixable. That is, as long as you avoided direct eye contact with him, or else you might become even more flustered than you already were. 

Loki’s gaze shifted as you worked, watching either your hands or your face depending on whether you were gathering color or painting his skin. His features were soft, his eyes still dreamy as he watched you work, but you carefully kept your attention towards the task at hand; his attention was like a black hole of colossal proportions, and once you were caught in it, the only thing keeping you from splitting into a million different strands of yourself was Loki himself. 

When he realized his alluring good-looks weren’t enough to distract you this time, he switched to a different tactic.

“Darling, do you really expect me to believe that Stark is allowing Miss Potts to paint his face for the party?” 

You snorted, expecting nothing less from someone called the God of Mischief. “If Tony knows what’s good for him, he is.”

As you pulled the brush across the bridge of his nose, Loki let out a chuckle and titled his head. “Is that some sort of veiled threat, darling? What happens if I refuse to cooperate with you?” 

That little movement was just enough to ruin what might have been a decent brush stroke, and it made you smear crimson down the length of his nose instead of diagonally across his cheek. 

“Hey, stop moving!” you gasped and laughed at the same time. “Or you’re gonna wind up looking even more ridiculous!” 

“Would it be rude to say that I find that difficult to believe, my love?” 

Ignoring his comment, you licked the tips of your finger and swiped it along the edges of the lightning bolt, trying to smooth it out. When the makeup just smeared instead of erasing neatly, a new rush of panic settled in your chest. You licked your finger again and rubbed it harder over his skin, and then you tried using your other, untainted fingers - but all that resulted in was the tips of those digits, and now your tongue, turning the brightest red to have ever existed. 

“Something the matter, darling?” Loki asked knowingly, repeating his earlier question. He pursed his lips together, just barely attempting to suppress a vindicated smile as he watched you struggle. “Is the inferior product you insisted upon ruining the homemade look you’d imagined for me?” 

Forcing your expression into one of neutrality required a tremendous amount of effort. “Nope. Everything’s going perfectly, my love,” you lied, switching the makeup palette to your other hand. Within seconds, the fingertips of both hands were traitorously stained with the truth. 

“Really? You’re absolutely sure about that, darling?” Loki asked, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he glanced at the make-up palette. “Please correct me if I’m mistaken, but there seems to be more tint on your fingers than what’s left in the container…” 

Your face scrunched up in amused frustration, and the unpleasant taste of chemicals and oils now completely coated your tongue. “Mmhmm, this is a…totally normal part of the process.” 

His comments were just making everything worse, but you were still determined to see this attempt through to the end. At that point, the makeup palette was discarded entirely and soon became lost within the bed sheets as you pushed yourself up to your knees and shifted closer to him. You took the hem of your t-shirt and pulled it up in a desperate attempt to finally fix the bolt’s outline and salvage your work. 

You swiped the soft fabric down the length of his nose, but the make-up must have believed your t-shirt to be a brush, and all you did was push the red deeper into his skin. Silently cursing yourself, you pulled your t-shirt up further and tried to focus on gathering as much color as possible. Secretly though, you prayed that effectively flashing him like this would distract him from making more teasing comments at your expense. 

But that didn’t quite work either, and Loki’s chuckle from behind your t-shirt was both leery and leering. 

“And now you’ve resorted to seduction as a means of distraction from your lies…” he purred, the sound almost a growl as he brought his hands to your waist. “I’d say our relationship might be having a negative effect on your morality, darling, but you’d be much better at this if it was…” 

You were still determined not to let him win, even as a shuddered breath tumbled from your lips. Your heart beat faster in your chest as the entire front of your t-shirt became tinted with red, and your face warmed from the feel of his hands gliding down to your hips. 

“It’s fine! It’s fine, Loki. Trust me, I’ve done this a million - ” 

“Sweetheart.” 

Loki’s voice was kind but firm when he interrupted. He leaned back as he pulled your shirt down, revealing the devastation on his face that your attempts to fix had caused. “Please just admit that you’re not very good at this…” 

You gasped and clamped a hand over your mouth. There was red everywhere - in his eyebrows and his eyelashes, across his right cheek and somehow, underneath his chin. The combination of mess on his both serious and amused expression was a horrifying, delightful sight, and you only barely managed to swallow the giggle bubbling in your throat. 

Loki arched a suspicious eyebrow. He flicked his wrist and produced a small, handheld mirror with his seidr, and he stared at you expectantly - granting you one final opportunity to come clean, as it were. 

“Come on, darling. I will love you no less if you just admit it.” 

But you couldn’t; all you could manage was to laugh, cover your eyes and brace for the inevitable as he finally looked at his reflection. 

“This is absolutely marvelous, darling,” he finally replied in a wry tone of voice. 

You shook while trying to suppress another laugh, but it was all over now. He’d seen the abominable, unskilled attempt at facial decoration you’d left on his skin, and you knew he was never going to let you hear the end of it despite the fact that he was laughing too. 

“And you were absolutely right, this is so much better than using magic. Perhaps I should go into battle like this. I could simply frighten our enemies to death…” 

You let out a heavy laugh of defeat and let your hands fall to your thighs. You were sure there was probably red make-up smudged all over your own face as well now, but you didn’t care anymore. “Alright, so. Maybe I’m not that great at painting faces…” 

“Oh, on the contrary, sweet girl…” Loki chuckled as he tossed the mirror away and pulled you closer, settling you over his lap. He leaned up and nuzzled his nose to yours. “This is impeccable work. Stunning, even…” 

“No, stop it! You’re making a mess!” you laughed and tried to look away, but his face followed yours, no doubt just smearing even more make-up all over each other. “Loki! You’re ruining all of my hard work!” 

His arms tightened around you. He began to kiss and nip at your jaw, your nose, your neck. “Or am I making it more authentic? Did you ever think about that, darling?” 

Resigning yourself to retaliation at Loki’s level, you matched his every kiss and nip with another to his jaw, his nose, his neck. He let out an encouraging chuckle and cupped your jaw with his hands, angling your face properly to his. When your lips finally met, he let out a soft hum, and then his kiss shifted into one of reassurance. 

Your arms slid around his neck as he leaned back against the headboard. His lips moved slowly and tenderly as he held you close to his chest, and they said everything that you needed to know. This was okay, he was okay. Aside from a few errant, washable streaks of crimson on his face, nothing real was actually amiss here. 

He may have been teasing you before, but he was also loving you. The experiment had yielded far less than stellar results, but that was still okay. A suitable ensemble for the party would be found eventually - or perhaps just better make-up products - and the two of you were still going to have as much fun as someone could have at a corporate holiday party, even if there were a few extra pairs of wandering eyes there. 

After another moment or two, the kiss broke naturally. You let out a slow breath and pressed your forehead to his. “Alright, I fully admit that I completely suck at face-painting. We don’t have to go down that route…” 

Loki smiled and nodded. A glimmering wash of emerald erased any evidence of red from all skin and clothing. “Yes, I’m quite certain that we can come up with something else…” 

By revealing his mortal partner to the world, you’d hoped it would soften the rough edges of Loki that his detractors wanted to keep illuminated underneath a hateful microscope. You’d wanted to protect him, to make his life simpler, to possibly ease his troubled integration on the planet he’d once tried to subjugate. 

But the relaxed smile on his lips told you that he didn’t need you to do any of those things. Loki was from the stars, yes, but he only ever clung to one specific thing. He may have come from on high, his perspective and past experiences originating from a millennia away from yours, but he was still here, looking at you. Loving only you.

You were his, and he was yours. No amount of criticism, or any blades held to his throat, or cruel darts thrown at his loving eyes were ever going to avert his gaze. They could make him climb mountains on mountains to get to you, but as long as there were sunbirds to soar back down with, then it was all worth it, wasn’t it? 

Your hands slid into his hair, gently tangling themselves within his dark curls. Your eyes roamed slowly over his angular features and icy blue eyes, admiring the planes of his cheekbones and the true depth of his gaze that simultaneously showcased both the wide expanse of outer space and your own reflection within his irises. 

Loki was timeless. He was broken and hopeful, grateful and almost too intelligent to not know better. He was pensive, and he understood light and dark better than anyone else you’d ever met. The noir shadows of his heart were what had initially drawn you in, but the hidden brilliance of his glowing soul was what had made you stay. 

A new idea coalesced inside your heart, and you settled your hips to his with a sly grin. “Are you by any chance familiar with my favorite David Bowie persona?” 

Loki smiled again, but this time he shook his head. “Are you really only telling me now that the Space Oddity himself is not your favorite persona of his?” he murmured curiously. 

You bit your lip and reached for your laptop on the nightstand, eager to introduce him to something brand new once more.

⊱ ── ༓ ── ⋅•⋅⊰ ── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ∙ ⋅ ── ⊱⋅•⋅ ── ༓ ── ⊰

Click here to be added to my Loki fic tag list! 💚

[hsonlyangel]

Hi friends💕 I haven’t been on this blog for over 4 years (!!) but in light of recent events, I didn’t know where else to turn.

I can’t emphasize what a key role One Direction played in shaping my teen years. My first exposure to fan fiction was with 1D fics and oh boy did that open up a can of worms. I still have a Pinterest board from 2012 with everything from cute pics of the boys to unhinged (borderline incoherent) imagines. In tenth grade, I bought school supplies with Liam’s face on it because I was a Liam girlie before Harry *gasp*. I saw This Is Us in theaters and the Teenage Dirtbag sequence permanently altered my brain chemistry (seriously, give it a rewatch). When the Best Song Ever music video came out, I tortured my little brother by playing it on loop. I sat in shocked silence in my sociology class as news broke of Zayn leaving the band. My college roommate indulged me as I lost my mind over the release of the carpool karaoke video. I’m approaching 30 now but all of these memories are *so* fresh in my mind.

Although I don’t listen to them as much as I did a decade ago, when I need a pick me up or dose of teenage nostalgia, I throw on 1D. On Wednesday, I needed some cheering up so I put on some of their music and it helped, as always. The last song I listened to was Love You Goodbye and then I planned to go about my errands as usual. About 15 minutes later, in the middle of a bookstore, I got a text from my mom saying Liam had passed away. It felt like the world stopped. Getting back in the car to drive home, 1D came back on the queue and grief hit me like a Mack truck. Less than an hour before, I had been happily singing along to their music and now Liam’s just…gone? It doesn’t feel real. None of my friends were ever Directioners so I don’t really have an outlet for this grief. Which brings me here.

I’m not on social media much anymore for my mental health, but I knew that Tumblr was one of the only places where I would feel seen and understood in the aftermath of this loss. I was caught off guard by the depths of my grief and I just can’t stop crying. I see deep cuts of the band in their early days and the throwbacks that used to make me laugh now make me weep. The songs that got me through some of the most difficult times in my life will never be experienced the same way. I couldn’t afford 1D tickets while they were touring but a tiny part of me was hoping one day I could see them on a reunion tour in honor of my inner teen. I keep vacillating between denial and devastation and the whole situation is still so surreal.

Even though it’s under heartbreaking circumstances, it’s been so validating and heartwarming to see members of this community coming back and reminiscing, being open about their grief, and supporting one another. It’s hard to describe how deeply this hurts to people outside of the Directioner bubble, but I know y’all get it. I don’t know how to begin processing this but I’m gonna try.

Sending so much love and strength to everyone affected by this. You are not alone❤️

[gittetj]

Hypnospace outlaw has permanently altered my brain chemistry and I’m so glad you’ve joined us in Sleep Time Computing!

I love every soundtrack in this game. The face that you get to see the story behind the celebrities adds depth to it. These feel like real people who are in putting their soul into their work.

I wish there was a real Squisherz game I could play. It’s very 90s, from the designs to the weird game mechanics listed in the freelance review (A Pokémon game where you talk your way out of fighting? Definitely interesting)

Gumshoe Gooper going from a goofy cartoon character to a symbol of the American people is absolutely hilarious to me!

Anyway, thank you for listening to my rambling XD

Haha, ramble away, I think Hypnospace has altered my brain chemistry too, it instantly became one of those games I wish I could delete from my memory so I could play it again. Plus, I've been stuck at home and unable to do much of anything lately, so it was a wonderful distraction to get lost in for a little while.

Yesss, I was so charmed by all the side stories! Especially the Fre3zer guy rejecting his ultra commercialized pop project to start an underground music collective that's all about sharing and discovering music organically and him being so kind and patient with that one annoying kid that keeps editing their pages. Loved it.

I was also so infatuated with the Future Recycler guy! Crushed that the Swatter song is only a jingle :'(

Oh and I kept circling back to those two Difficulty Boy tracks, it was fun to find that kind of unconventional, deconstructivist music in a game soundtrack of all places. Love that shit.

Anyway, agreed, Gumshoe Gooper as the icon of American freedom is hilarious. Hilarious in a pretty believable way. The game was really good at that - so many of the characters felt like people I have known or at least known of.

[deviljho]

stuff i enjoyed in 2024 wrap up! ok here i go i am gritting my teeth and writing some commentary under the cut:

- i loved loved LOVED pentiment please go play it. preferably after reading name of the rose which is how i did it and it greatly enhanced the experience ngl. there was a very catholic theme to stuff i watched/read/played this year overall and i swear it isn't intentional but it did make me interested in learning more about this time period for sure

- read 26 books total this year, up from 22 last year, 4 of which were nonfiction! my goal was to up the amount of nonfiction i read and i’d like to continue that this year. i also was forced to read a bunch of terrible straight girl romance fantasy books as part of my work book club. not sure how to feel about this except to say sarah j maas if i catch you in these streets we're going to have a problem. also highly recommend the nightrunner series if you're looking for a thoughtfully characterized, interesting fantasy trilogy with a side of gay romance that would've gotten the author lowkey canceled if it were published today imo but i won't elaborate bc #spoilers. only complaint is that the fantasy names in it are so unserious and stupid. i haven't read past the third book but i'm looking forward to it as a summer read this year i think.

ok it's forcing me to use a bullet point now? whatever. i feel like i didn't watch nearly enough new movies (to me or otherwise) in 2024 tbh...i would love to up that number in 2025. highlights of the year were definitely watching lawrence of arabia for the first time, and in terms of new releases challengers, the substance, nosferatu (OMG I FORGOT TO INCLUDE IT IN THESE SCREENSHOTS. FUCK), conclave and dune were all amazing as well. would really love if 2025 had some better horror releases.

tv shows...this is a real tvhead household and we had a good ass year of shows overall imo. highlight of the year was hands down watching breaking bad and better call saul back to back for the first time with (relatively) no spoilers. it was so much fun spotting all the clips from that stupid brba ytp song and well then also it goes without saying that my brain chemistry has been permanently altered by better call saul. but also PLEASE watch wheel of time and hacks and the leftovers. and interview with the vampire was excellent, a great adaptation that enhances the original work.

music...i intentionally tried to listen to a lot of artists i haven't listened to before, both well known and recommended to me by friends and it was fun to explore new genres like metal and jazz. def want to continue enjoying more varied stuff in 2025. also have to mention that los campesinos, one of my favorite bands, released a new album for the first time since 2017! and i got fully thenationalpilled for the last 3 months of the year, way late to the hype as usual. anyways 2025 we are manifesting joanna newsom album #5 OKAY?? OKAY??

[daniel-profeta]

top 10 songs of all time?

Changes everyday, but in no particular order some of my more consistent favorites are:

The front bottoms - Twin Sized Mattress

Car Seat headrest - Kimochi Warui *so many options here, but to pick one from this band...*

Tool - Lateralus

The Mountain Goats - Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton

Phoebe Bridgers - I Know the End

Elliott Smith - King's Crossing

AJJ - People II The Reckoning

At this point I started to think harder about the songs that have meant the most to me throughout my life and as I've gotten older. For example, I like a lot of Bright Eyes songs more than First day, but that song has had way more impact on me. I play it all the time, the lyrics are permanently imprinted in my mind, and to me it's one of the most beautiful and vulnerable love songs ever written. With that in mind more and more "important" songs started coming to mind.

8. Alex G - Forever 9. Bright Eyes - First Day of My Life 10. Johnny Hobo - New Mexico Song

Now I have ten, that was easy.

Except...

I remembered that one Demarco song that makes me cry everytime I hear it. Got to include that. How many times have I listened to the Glow pt 2 during the summer? How could I leave off something from Porcupine Tree, the band that I once considered my favorite band of all time? So I kept going, through names and bands that I collect like emotional trophies, not wanting to leave anything out. They all mean so much, it's honestly pathetic. I used to hyperfixate on things like Zelda and Star Wars, then I found this shit and my brain chemistry has been altered ever since.

11. Mac Demarco - Moonlight on the River 12. Mitski - Texas Reznikoff 13. The Microphones - I Want the Wind to Blow 14. Pigeon Pit - Nights like These 15. Radiohead - Exit Music 16. The Crane Wives - Never Love an Anchor

Funny how quickly a song can feel like home. That Crane Wives song technically shouldn't even be here, I only heard it for the first time a few weeks ago. Yet maybe listening to it 30 times since qualifies it for consideration. Phoebe Bridgers has a lyric in one of her songs about wishing she had written something instead of the original artist, but she can't cause they said it first. So instead she'll learn their song and sing until the feverish inspired feeling fades away in a voyeuristic catharsis.

I think about that line constantly. Also quickly want to mention here that I'm more of an album guy. I try to listen to full records to try an experience the full piece of art the creator made. So while no song off The Downward Spiral is on my list of favorite songs, that was and is one of the most impactful albums to me as a teenager.

17. Porcupine Tree - Arriving Somewhere but not Here 18. XTC - Dear God 19. Wilco _ I am trying to break your heart 20. NIN - Burn 21. Lucy Dacus - Night Shift 22. Haley Heynderickx - Oom Sha La La 23. Swans - New Mind

Swans was hard, because there were a few songs that meant a lot to me. But ultimately there wasn't one more visceral or frankly more evil sounding than New Mind. Love the themes, love the singing style, love the backing yells, love the industrial outro, love the faint organ, love everything about that damn song.

The list kept getting longer, and for each song I was writing a paragraph to explain my choice lol. After the first like 15 I decided to stop doing that for the sake of your eyes and for risk of sounding redundant. But a major thing I love about some of these songs are how inspirational they are. Twin Sized Mattress, Denton Metal Band, Story of an Artist, they all paint a picture of the type of person I want to be. The type of art I will always support. The thing I hope to one day inspire in other people.

When you punish a person for dreaming their dream don't expect them to thank or forgive you. The best ever death metal band out of Denton, will in time both outpace and outlive you.

Those words could honestly save someone's life, it's crazy.

24. A Perfect Circle - Three Libras 25. Deftones - Rosemary 26. Frank Ocean - Ivy 27. November Suite - The Tower 28. Daniel Johnston - Story of an Artist 29. Sloppy Jane - Jesus and Your Living Room Floor 30. Big Thief - Not 31. Tyler the Creator - Boredom 32. Duster - The Landing 33. The Velvet Underground - Sunday Morning 34. The Voidz - Human Sadness 35 - 108. System of a Down - (every song) 109. Death Grips - Beware

Okay, threw these and now dozens more names are crowding my brain, and this incredibly pretentious post must come to an end. Long story short, I only have one song left to share, but each of these song has a very personal connection to me. Certain ones (like that tool song) actually changed the way I look at the world and helped me through dark periods of my life.

Many of them inspire me, some of them are just beautiful in a broken and real sorta way, and all of them feel human. The art represents something bigger than itself and the ambition knows no bounds. These songs changed my world for the better, and if you read this you are now obligated to listen to all of them.

I could ramble about music till the end of time:)

finally 110. 100 Gecs - Money Machine

[victorsandvanquishers]

Hi! I read all of your Red House fic last night and I think it's permanently altered my brain chemistry. I've seen so few good takes on Kon's time as a child star and the horrible long lasting effects this would have on him. And I'm obsessed with your take on it. It's so visceral. And all the little things, like the Ravers, and Kon trying to drown himself... It's just, urgh.

So, very strange question, and absolutely say no, but do you take song recs for your own fics? Because I've had some rotating around my head all day (I have been absolutely no good to anyone today, this has been all I can think about).

Anyway I just wanted to tell you how much I love your fic!

Hello! Thank you so much for the wonderful compliments! I'm glad you enjoyed the story so much. Be sure to check out the latest installment.

As for song recs, I'd be delighted to hear them! I'm a creature of the 90's, so I've been listening to rock, metal, and love ballads from that era to write this fic too! Always open to more listening suggestions :)

[the-tired-tenor]

Songs That Have Permanently Altered My Brain Chemistry as a Choral Musician

Please Stay by Jake Runestad. Incredibly powerful piece of music, as someone who has lost people to suicide and struggled with mental health crises myself I cry every time I listen to it. Everything this man writes is excellent, but this is my favorite of his.

Song of Miriam by Elaine Hagenberg. Some of the most beautiful melodic writing I've ever had the pleasure of teaching or hearing, and there's so much range in every aspect that it always feels shorter than it actually is. 10/10, strong contender for my favorite piece of repertoire I've ever taught.

Untraveled Worlds by Paul Halley. I sang this with my All State choir in high school and it has lived rent-free in my head ever since. Something about it just really resonated and I'll catch myself singing it in the shower even now, over a decade later.

Horizons by Peter Luis van Dijk. The single most underrated song on this list, and another song I performed with my high school All State choir. Horizons is not only musically impactful thanks to high dynamic contrast and unconventional vocal percussion but emotionally evocative as well, describing how the indigenous San people of South Africa first encountered and were subsequently kidnapped and enslaved en masse by white explorers. I cannot recommend this song strongly enough if your choir can handle the difficulty level.

[melodyssolarsystem]

3/4/13 for the pjsk ask game!!

OH FINALLY I CAN SHARE MY UNPOPULAR OPINUON !!!

for number 3 i definitely have two things. i think saki shouldve been able to be angrier about honami and shiho not visiting her in hospital. i think she forgave them far too quickly and i think it wouldve been a fun little thing if once leo/need got together/after the main story there’s an event where one of the vsinger are like “there’s still some true feelings left to be discovered” and it’s saki. saki is still upset about the hospital and not being visited by honami and shiho and despite letting them into the band she wants them to know how much it hurt her. i think that could’ve lead to some fun conflict.

ALSO the over rad squad cards. listen. i haven’t read the events because they’re on jp and i’m on EN but the set. LOOKS pretty but i feel like they had a chance to go for a more sentimental tone/theme considering they’re surpassing the event that was nagi’s swan song instead of. riches or something. they know what they’re surpassing and it’s like. grhgejbshjbshj y’know? there were opportunities…

also not rlly a missed chance or smth that could’ve been done better but i think they should have a fight. like like not like a little disagreement that spans for one event and is quickly resolved i mean like a proper main story fight that lasts for and effects a few events. i know each group is trying to reach their goals but like. idk i guess it’s kinda boring to see them get along ALL the time? i think they should get to have some conflict it’d be good for development

unfortunately i’m a basic bitch so i’m not AS fixtated on rarepairs as i am on the “main” pairs BUT. i do have two … consider. emu/shiho. sun and moon black cat and golden retriever or whatever i just GRHDBDBYDBDY THEYD BE SO CUTE TOGETHER.

also honami/saki is so important to me. poly/need is my main but secojd to poly/need is honasaki and ichishiho they’re so very important to me.

for 13 it was definitely a mixture of gameplay videos and wanting to get more into vocaloid. vocaloid started with friends at school when i heard them discussing it and i said “HATSUNE MIKU ISNT REAL ???” and then they had the Vocaloid Talk with me. then that slowly evolved into hey i actually know a lot of vocaloid songs (be it only the popular ones) so i said i want more. THEN i watched like one gameplay video because it had a song i liked. then there was another. and another. and another. and another. then hey this game looks fun as shit i wanna try. and then the vocaloid obsession grew and here we are. leo/need is so very special to me now and pjskeai/vocaloid has ALTERED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY permanently and ultimately changed the trajectory of my life. thanks for listening to me ted talking or smth

[johaerys-writes]

I ADORE your writing! Do you have any book recs? 💗

THANK YOU!!! I do have some book recs, and I'm going to separate them in two categories: a) all time faves (aka books that rewired my brain), and b) my fave books I read this year.

All Time Faves

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: if you follow me for my patrochilles writing, then you already know I love this book 😅 It literally altered my brain chemistry when I read it and I have never been the same.

RotE: short for The Realm of the Elderlings series by Robin Hobb, it's like 16 books long and I recommend each one. Fitz is my pathetic little meow meow and the Fool is one of my favourite characters of all time. Read at your own peril LOL

Earthsea and Lavinia by Ursula K Le Guin: I'm on a quest to read everything Le Guin has written because her writing is just *chef's kiss*. I adore her prose and the way climaxes and conflict are handled, and I love the worldbuilding. Her Earthsea stories are just so wonderful and poignant, I particularly love the Tombs of Atuan and Tehanu. The latter is permanently on my reread roster, I read it once a year towards the end of the year when I start feeling blue because it's just so comforting. And I have to include my favourite quote:

"You are beautiful," Tenar said in a different tone. "Listen to me, Therru. Come here. You have scars, ugly scars, because an ugly, evil thing was done to you. People see the scars. But they see you, too, and you aren't the scars. You aren't ugly. You aren't evil. You are Therru, and beautiful. You are Therru who can work, and walk, and run, and dance, beautifully, in a red dress."

Please read it you won't regret it 😭🙏🙏

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte: another long time favourite and one I reread at least once a year. It’s just one of the best books ever written (sorry I don't make the rules). I'm not sure if that is where my love of childhood friends to toxic, copedepent lovers and of unhinged, violent men in fiction came from but it sure contributed to it LMAO. I don’t consider it a romance book but I do adore the way it handles love and romance, among other things. It's just so bleak and cynical but also highly comedic in places and I could talk about it forever. TL;DR please read it haha.

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong: I didn’t like this book very much when I first started it but it had become a favourite by the time I finished it. I've reread it several times (I think just this year I've read it twice), it's just so heartbreaking and beautiful.

Fave books I read this year:

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat: technically I finished the trilogy end of last year but I still think about it a lot. It's very well written and imo the perfect balance of angst, plot, intrigue and horniness.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik: I read it earlier this year and I literally can't stop thinking about it lol. It’s SO well written and very immersive and even though the plot itself isn't like... comforting, it felt like a great comfort to read it. Ever since I finished it, every time I start a new book I'm like "gah I wish I could read it for the first time again" haha. I'm going to be rereading it for Christmas I think!

The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells: another series I enjoyed a lot this year! I listened to the audiobooks and the VA is just so good, he's Murderbot in my mind lol. I should probably reread the last few books because my attention span was awful while I was listening to them, but overall they're very entertaining but also touch upon important issues in a really interesting way.

She Who Became The Sun by Shelly Parker-Chan: I really enjoyed this book, the plot, characters and worldbuilding was very interesting and I absolutely love the way that gender queerness and "otherness" was explored. I am eagerly awaiting the next book 👀

Villains series by V.E. Schwab: a highly entertaining read, I was pleasantly surpised by how much I enjoyed this. I love me a close friends to sworn enemies story, especially when they are obsessed with each other in as homosexual a way as these two LMAO. The supporting characters were also very well written which isn't easy to find in stories with such a busy cast. Once again, eagerly awaiting the next book!

[incorrect-web-novels]

I saw a post about a sub of Wangxian from the Audio Drama (the song), and I am Once Again Asking for everyone to listen to this English cover of Xianyun. "If I gave you my life, would you please just glance my way" and "Time cannot be outdone. You won't stay" have permanently altered my brain chemistry.

[serenescribe]

got tagged by @kimium in a music tag game here (thank you, kim!) and i figured i may as well get this post written before the next twst update drops tomorrow and permanently alters my brain chemistry q-q

rules: post 5 songs you actually listen to, and tag 10 of your followers/mutuals (except i def don’t have that many people to tag TT)

i freaking love music with all my heart and soul so uhh— time to tangent! under the cut. this got long. just scroll past if you didn’t follow me for this shit ahfndhgdgf

1. bathroom community by glass beach (pinkshift cover)

i stumbled upon this song earlier this year thanks to spotify (yes, i actually look at what they recommend! i need more songs!) and god. GOD. this song has held me in a choke hold since i first listened to it. i desperately want to create an oc from this song, or a story of some sort; the story it paints with its lyrics just has so much goddamn potential for a character.

i love singing this song, even if i can’t sing very well. it’s just a lot of fun, with how intense it is! plus the lyrics... god, the lyrics. i usually like to gravitate to songs with more vague lyrics, but something about this song really soothes that teenage version of me tucked away somewhere in my soul, still angsting about the world.

i think my favourite line is this one, in the second verse — “he said you’ll never be okay if you don’t come to your senses / with you, everything’s the end of the world.” though “flipping through a spiral notebook for some / sad, hopeless words to turn into a liturgy” slaps hard too.

2. everybody’s falling in love by *repeat repeat

oh, i have a fic idea i long to write with this one. actually, i have an oc story (which is its own thing i won’t talk about) based on this song, but i have a fic idea i want to write too. this song just evokes so much whimsy of people falling in love, a constant spiral of romance! and it brings to mind a soulmate au — except instead of soulmate marks already existing and being common knowledge, they just... suddenly appear. which leads to a spiral of people figuring it out, relationship drama — what if two people who were dating aren’t soulmates? people who were platonic who suddenly get marks for each other? who gets together? who doesn’t? i’unno, i’m like... relationship introspection extraordinaire. might be a silly idea now that i’ve typed it out, but it’d be fun.

ah— for the song itself... yeah, it’s light on the lyrics, but like i said, it’s whimsical! it’s fun! i love the announcement at the start to really set the scene — this is a stage, and people falling in love is the show for everyone’s entertainment. yeah, it’s just— it’s a fun song. i don’t have much else to say.

3. sex sells by lovejoy

oh... (longing sigh) this song.

i listen to it a lot whenever i’m in a depressed funk. it just resonates with me a lot; the lyrics remind me of being second place to someone else, of a relationship slipping, that kind of thing. actually, the fact that i haven’t listened to it as much lately is probably a sign of my improving mental health (HA!)

i conceived a fic au before based off this song before — for a different fandom, not twst. it’s kind of shelved, i might turn it into an oc story instead because i still like the concept. but the inspiration i drew from this song turned into a very complex introspection of a close relationship (think childhood friends to lovers) crumbling and shattering under jealousy, envy, et cetera, et cetera. wrote like, one short ficlet off that? never posted it, but i’m still happy with it.

ah... lyrics. yeah, this one’s obvious; my favourite line is “how’s it feel to be so loved yet so alone?”

4. poplar st. by glass animals

was struggling between a lot of songs (how do you expect me to pick just FIVE?!) but considering how a line from poplar st. is literally my blog title on my main... figured it was a no brainer to include it. i wish i could convey my thoughts and feelings on this song, but this is one of the very rare few songs where, if you asked me to tell you what i like about it, i’d be stumped.

i’m not good with identifying instruments or explaining any of that, but the almost dreamy atmosphere of poplar st. hooks me splendidly. the vocals fit beautifully, to the point where they blend with the music and almost seem hard to pick out. i like how the song seems to tinge with darkness and fragment as it goes on — both lyrically and musically. it just scratches a lot of itches for me. would love to try writing something based off it someday? might just be oc stuff though, given the lyrics.

lyrics... the whole chorus slaps. it’s so lovely. all the lines about flowers, and then “i am a true romantic / free falling love addict” just tops it off beautifully <3

5. schoolin’ by everything everything

ah... hahaha.

not to sound cringe on main but if i had to ascribe a song to myself, it would be this one. my friends know — oh, they know — just how much schoolin’ resonates with me. if i divulged all my thoughts here, this post would turn into a criminally long essay, so i’ll exercise restraint for now.

like, i genuinely think this song permanently altered my brain chemistry. so much of it just resonate with me — the scathing observations, the metaphors slamming society, the absolute raging emotions in the voice of the singer, the resentment brimming just underneath. it’s a song about mistakes, it’s a song about learning from them or not, it’s a song about conformity and education and straying or conforming to it. it’s a song about questioning the world and ripping apart the people who are too scared to do so. it’s a wickedly poetic song once you rip apart and dissect every little bit of the lyrics, and i fucking love it with all my heart and soul.

too many lyrics in this song. and yet i have always known my favourite lines. “so learn me anything good / and teach me something that works.” there’s something about that that clicks with me so deeply. a single, scathing request: let me learn anything useful at all, and teach me something that can work for me.

also shoutout to the entire coda (outro) of the song for being the best 1m 50s of my life.

tagging: @llondonfog @olivebranch311 @pitruli @digdeepergravedigger09 @lakuronekobaka @pixelfun20 @reubeam @0rchidm4ntis (cheating? by also tagging friends who follow my main but not this sideblog? sue me. also i hope y’all are ok w being tagged in this HGFNDHGDF sorry if youre not ;;; just ignore if that’s the case)

[yurigalactica]

Any assortment of 1, 2, 7, 9, 17, 21, 22, 30 for the music ask game! It's alot but I couldn't decide which ones lol. U don't have to answer them all just pick ur favorites

jokes on you jinx i am so obsessed with music and deep within my own brainrot that i will be answering ALL of them >:D 1. a song you can listen to on repeat

now this question in particular is really hard for me, because i tend to listen to a lot of songs on loop a lot. however most of the time doing so easily makes me sick of it and i have to take a break from listening to it for a few weeks. however one of the songs i listen to a lot and never seem to get bored of is Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales by Car Seat Headrest. especially the end bit, it really scratches my brain the right way, and it's really fun to belt out the harmonies in the car when you're driving through town in the evening

2. a song from one of your favorite albums

it's no secret that i'm a slut for los campesinos. everyone knows this about me. so it's kinda obligatory that i use one of their songs for these asks lmao. my favorite album of theirs in particular is definitely romance is boring (i just adore so many songs on that album!!! genuinely it's banger after banger, i highly recommend listening to the whole album.) my personal all-time favorite from that album is definitely In Media Res, just because of the ending bit with the trumpets. holy shit i get such a surge of dopamine when gareth campesinos goes "if you were given the option of dying painlessly in peace at forty five, with a lover at your side, after a full and happy life, is this something that would interest you? would this interest you at all?" just—AGH

7. a song that reminds you of your friend(s)

this one's easy—Dynamite by BTS. my irl best friend loves k-pop (stuff like BTS and Stray Kids), and while i don't listen to it on my own, i've gotta admit, she's got immaculate taste. dynamite is the one i hear the most around, playing on the radio (because it's mostly in english and i live in a country where most people i know speak english as a first language). so literally anytime i hear this song i find myself immediately thinking of her and going to text her about it LMAO

9. a song that reminds you of yourself 

this one was definitely the hardest to answer, and quite frankly, i sat at my desk for a solid hour trying to find a good one for this. but after some careful deliberation i had to go with Dear Wormwood by the oh hellos. the oh hellos are an incredible band and i genuinely adore all of their music, and highly recommend you listen to their entire discography. this song, though, holds a very special place in my heart—after all, it was my number one song on my spotify wrapped during 2020. it was the song i had on loop during the entirety of quarantine, when i was stuck in my bedroom, isolating myself from everyone in real life and online. during those months i didn't talk to any of my friends, not even over text. my only steady companion was my beloved spotify premium subscription. listening to this song over 500 times permanently altered my brain chemistry and i'm pretty sure it's the reason i have anxiety now /j

17.  a song with great lyrics 

holy fuck. holy fucking shit. To Tundra by los campesinos. i literally froth at the mouth anytime i think of this song oh my gosh. i made a whole post about it ages ago but i'll go on about it again. like "meet me at st. nicholas among the oaks, behind the church that sway like pig-tailed girls as summer wind whistles around your bare-skin knees and the forsythia leaves" KADGKKDFHKADFKHK THE IMAGERY AHHHHHHHH "and in a hazy daydream, our bodies married the stream and we broke down into pebbles and silt" SCREAMING SOBBING VOMITING /pos "we take on the burden of all these sad-eyed children with lilies bunched in our hands" i am literally going to eat a brick this makes me feel so many emotions

21. a song for the rain

Woman by the 1975, probably. there are a lot of good songs to listen to in the rain but this probably takes the cake just because of how echoey and melancholy it feels. i love it when artists do that kind of stuff with the guitar and make it carry out really long—and almost make it sound like it's wailing. it's one of my favorite electric guitar effects ever and i've always found that the 1975 does that really well! and as a guitar player myself how a guitar is played and how it affects the rest of the song is really important in my picking of a favorite song. this one in particular is very versatile, and i feel like you could listen to it not only in the rain, but at night in the car too.

22. a song for dancing 

Tongue Tied by grouplove!!! it's genuinely one of the most happy fun upbeat songs i know. it's like dancing in the kitchen while making cookies with your bestie at 2am kind of music. if you need to cheer yourself up and have an impromptu dance party with energy and excitement then this is the song for you!!! ultimate anti-depression song. and this also happened to be my most listened to song in my spotify wrapped 2021 if that tells you anything about how that year was for me /lh

30.  a song you recommend

Do Me A Favour by the arctic monkeys. i've been listening to them a whole lot more lately, mostly because i also admire their guitar work and also feel like their music vibe fits very well with a fic that i've been workshopping for a while and have not released yet. this one in particular is my ultimate favorite of theirs, probably because of the guitar and the lyrics that go together (but probably mostly because of how well it fits the overall vibe of the fic it goes with. and if you're interested in what it is, it's a benchtrio-centric mystery/horror au)

[trueloveandotherscificoncepts]

9 people you'd like to know better!

Three ships: 1/ Queliot (with a side helping of Marqueliot). They gave us everything and THEN THEY TOOK IT ALL AWAY AND I WILL BE FOREVER BITTER. 2/ 9th Doctor/Rose/Jack. Can you tell I have a thing for ot3s? 3/ Destiel. Listen, I am so far past giving a shit about spn, but I was in the trenches with these two and they permanently altered my brain chemistry, so they had to go on the list.

First ever ship: I loved Anastasia/Dimitri from Anastasia (1997), but the first pairing I was ever truly feral for was Tulio/Miguel from The Road to El Dorado (2000). I saw that movie in the cinema when it came out and my tiny little child mind was just like "this seems gay, I'm in".

Last Song: Virtue the Cat Explains Her Departure - The Weakerthans (this song makes me tear up every fucking time, I don't know why I put it on my autumn playlist)

Last Film: The Little Mermaid (2023). I know I'm late to the party, but this movie is actually good?? Like, it's the only Disney live action remake that feels like an actual film that exists in its own right.

Currently reading: Just finished Vampires, Hearts and Other Dead Things by Margie Fuston (highly recommend if you like your vampire stories ambiguous and with a side of OVERWHELMING GRIEF). Also listening to @re-dracula, I feel like that counts.

Currently watching: Star Trek: Voyager, Star Trek: Lower Decks, and Our Flag Means Death (I am not prepare for the finale jfc)

Currently consuming: Tea (I take mine with one sugar and almond milk) and a slice of toasted brack with butter

Currently craving: Pizza! I'm pretty much always craving pizza.

Tagged by the lovely @mai-komagata !

Tagging mutuals, feel free to ignore @argason @sonicspocketwrench1 @desperatelyseekingdopamine @jasminetea-nightsky @not-a-princess-but-a-queen @pocketsized-prophet @aka-maggie @billdecker @thats--numberwang

[stargazerdaisy]

Tagged by the incredible @orlissa

last song: on my phone, "All You Had To Do Was Stay" by Taylor Swift. Yeah, I'm still listening to 85% Taylor Swift. My brain chemistry has been permanently altered. No regrets.

currently watching: Let's see. Muz and I just started Justified: City Primeval. Maaaaaan, I didn't realize how much I missed Raylan Givens. I wanna watch the original series again. Also, I am slowly working through ER on my own, whenever I have some time. And then, I am watching The Summer I Turned Pretty with my kid and his friend. We binged the first four episodes of Season 2 last month and have scheduled watching the rest of it in a few days.

currently reading: Theoretically, I am reading Siege and Storm. Still. It is sitting on my nightstand with a bookmark in it, partially through the story. And I pick it up every few weeks and read a few pages.

current obsession: Besides the TV shows and Taylor Swift music? Finding air conditioning and avoiding organizing/cleaning my room.

Tagging: @firstdegreefangirl, @pia-bartolini, @hithelleth, @abedsmessedupmeta

[aluvian]

1, 8 and 24 for the end of the year asks !!

Hi Kia!!! Thank you, as always, for sending me asks 💙

#1. Song of the year?

If I go by my Spotify Wrapped, it would be Walking on Broken Glass by Annie Lennox. But prior to subscribing to Spotify Premium (which I did for the first time in September), I had been listening to Tombi by Kvi Baba on a loop for who knows how long on a music player app I had downloaded.

#8. Game of the year?

Red Dead Redemption 2 and the Mass Effect Legendary Edition. I truly have no idea how many hours I logged for each this year alone. Truly videogames that will always live in my head rent free. If any of my mutuals are interested in having their hearts ripped out and their brain chemistry permanently altered, please play Red Dead Redemption and Mass Effect.

#24. Did you keep any New Year's Resolutions?

Yes! I did lose some weight this year! I didn't lose as much as I needed, but I made consistently better choices when eating and drinking, and always made time for an evening walk. I know I said I didn't truly meet my goal, but I was able to fit into a cosplay this year that I couldn't last year, so I think that might count as a win.

Send me some end of the year asks!