hsonlyangel

[hsonlyangel]

[hsonlyangel]

🥺 so thoughtful

[hsonlyangel]

It's really really hard to go about your life after this . What makes it harder is how my life is physically not at all affected by him being gone. It's so difficult to digest that. He wasn't part of my life physically. None of my friends feel things like I do because he wasn't part of their lives at all. That's the reason i keep coming back. To the people who lost him like I did. Tumblr has always been a safe place. But now in times like this, it's a whole another level of a comfort. A hug, that's what it's like being here. Like we're all in a virtual room, all saddened and all missing him. I'm thankful for this place.

[hsonlyangel]

something i’m having a really hard time with since learning the news about liam is seeing all the edits, posts and videos of one direction all over social media again. some of my most precious and special memories are because of one direction and now i have to look back on them knowing one of those boys is no longer here. it feels like the happy memories in inside out turning blue with sadness every single time i see one of those videos or pictures from years ago. it’s a pain that’s so hard to articulate and a grief like nothing else

[hsonlyangel]

Hi friends💕 I haven’t been on this blog for over 4 years (!!) but in light of recent events, I didn’t know where else to turn.

I can’t emphasize what a key role One Direction played in shaping my teen years. My first exposure to fan fiction was with 1D fics and oh boy did that open up a can of worms. I still have a Pinterest board from 2012 with everything from cute pics of the boys to unhinged (borderline incoherent) imagines. In tenth grade, I bought school supplies with Liam’s face on it because I was a Liam girlie before Harry *gasp*. I saw This Is Us in theaters and the Teenage Dirtbag sequence permanently altered my brain chemistry (seriously, give it a rewatch). When the Best Song Ever music video came out, I tortured my little brother by playing it on loop. I sat in shocked silence in my sociology class as news broke of Zayn leaving the band. My college roommate indulged me as I lost my mind over the release of the carpool karaoke video. I’m approaching 30 now but all of these memories are *so* fresh in my mind.

Although I don’t listen to them as much as I did a decade ago, when I need a pick me up or dose of teenage nostalgia, I throw on 1D. On Wednesday, I needed some cheering up so I put on some of their music and it helped, as always. The last song I listened to was Love You Goodbye and then I planned to go about my errands as usual. About 15 minutes later, in the middle of a bookstore, I got a text from my mom saying Liam had passed away. It felt like the world stopped. Getting back in the car to drive home, 1D came back on the queue and grief hit me like a Mack truck. Less than an hour before, I had been happily singing along to their music and now Liam’s just…gone? It doesn’t feel real. None of my friends were ever Directioners so I don’t really have an outlet for this grief. Which brings me here.

I’m not on social media much anymore for my mental health, but I knew that Tumblr was one of the only places where I would feel seen and understood in the aftermath of this loss. I was caught off guard by the depths of my grief and I just can’t stop crying. I see deep cuts of the band in their early days and the throwbacks that used to make me laugh now make me weep. The songs that got me through some of the most difficult times in my life will never be experienced the same way. I couldn’t afford 1D tickets while they were touring but a tiny part of me was hoping one day I could see them on a reunion tour in honor of my inner teen. I keep vacillating between denial and devastation and the whole situation is still so surreal.

Even though it’s under heartbreaking circumstances, it’s been so validating and heartwarming to see members of this community coming back and reminiscing, being open about their grief, and supporting one another. It’s hard to describe how deeply this hurts to people outside of the Directioner bubble, but I know y’all get it. I don’t know how to begin processing this but I’m gonna try.

Sending so much love and strength to everyone affected by this. You are not alone❤️

[hsonlyangel]

genuinely praying and thinking about maya henry and hope no one guilt trips her, a victim when she was just 18/19. this wasnt her fault at all and i hope she doesn’t blame herself and no one blames her.

[hsonlyangel]

this is the only place I knew I could come where people would know how this feels without having to explain

[hsonlyangel]

not to be too sappy but idek what i would’ve done if i didn’t have a space to talk openly about all of this with those who truly understand it. it’s one thing to talk to distant friends or family members about this passing, but it’s another to talk with a community who just understands without any explanation or judgement. we’re all just wading around this fandom with each other— those names i haven’t seen pop up in ages— trying to process whatever we’re trying to process and giving virtual hugs and sending love and making edits and posting encouraging words. fandom is so powerful. community is so powerful. i hope i never ever forget that. because it’s always been here for me in ways that no one else besides those who are here or been here understands.

just fortunate for all of you. no one gets this place like y’all get this place. and that’s special.

[hsonlyangel]

Imagine telling all this to your 2013 self shits crazy

Man i couldnt tell myself from a three days ago this what on earth

[hsonlyangel]

The way human civilization has collapsed ever since One Direction broke up needs to be studied

[hsonlyangel]

When it suddenly crashes on you that it is real and not just a nightmare, and the dam of tears breaks 💔

[hsonlyangel]

04/11/18 (via HusariaAgatka)

[hsonlyangel]

x

[hsonlyangel]

🍉🍒🥝🍓🍋

[hsonlyangel]

Niall & Harry being only kings who know how to use condoms

[hsonlyangel]

SCREAM

[hsonlyangel]

this is the funniest tiktok i’ve ever seen in my life