#listening to angry music until i can think straight again

[fridayyy-13th]

God. what do you do when a lifelong friend just refuses to see any worth in themself or their skills even after you've tried to get them to see it for years. i want to help them but i'm tired. it hurts to see them so flippant about it. i'm angry and sad and nothing i do changes their mind and i feel like i'm running out of options and i'm scared that the only one left will be "leave them." i really don't want it to come to that. they mean a lot to me.

[clairewritesjjkxreader]

Sukuna’s Wife and Yuuji’s Onee-chan (Sukuna x Reincarnated!Y/N) Part 3

TW: pregnancies, miscarriages/spontaneous abortions, and other mature themes ahead

Sukuna can still remember your suppressed whimpers when you believed that he was asleep, how your weight would go up and down every few weeks, and how nothing would interest you, not your foreign books or drawings or koto. No matter how many times you two tried or how faithfully you listened to the advice of your doctors and shamans, children were a faraway dream. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…What’s wrong with me?” You used to cry.

“Nothing,” he always answered, rubbing circles on your back. “Nothing is wrong with you.”

You never seemed to hear him. Sukuna would tirelessly comfort you while reassuring you that spending eternity with only you was his idea of a happy life. However, his words fell on deaf ears. You would always hope, and every single time, your hope would get crushed.

Until you discovered yourself pregnant again for three months. The past pregnancies never lasted for more than a few weeks. Sukuna didn’t want you to hope too much, but how could he resist the brilliant smile of his beloved wife?

He accompanied you to every shop for toys and fabrics and clothes and furniture. He patiently gave his opinions on what the baby’s room should be like. 

You successfully carried to term, your belly round with a healthy child. Sukuna had to admit that it was not an unattractive sight, and despite the protests of the midwives, he stayed by your side, dabbing the sweat from your face and neck as you delivered your precious child. Uraume waited outside with a whole parade of maidservants prepared to help you get washed once everything was over. The cotton blanket which would envelope your baby was washed three times. You wove it yourself, pestering your husband to embroider enchantments for protection and a long, healthy life.

However, as you fell back after giving your final push, you instantly sensed that something was wrong. You had silently turned to your husband. “Ryo?” His head was hanging, unable to meet your gaze. He didn’t need to say anything.

You stopped being you that day.

The Sukuna household, which used to be so full of life and music and cheer, was enveloped in darkness. The one and only madam of the house was given a taste of motherhood like she always prayed, but she was never even able to hear her child’s cry let alone hold them. You stopped leaving the main house. You refused to go down the village to browse for any new foreign products. The maple trees you adored were ignored and the garden you personally tended would have wilted completely if not for Ryomen’s intervention.

You slept on the floor right next to an empty cradle. 

You would have died there too if your husband couldn’t take it and spent three straight days pleading for you to try and go out.

“A merchant passed by and Uraume bought several flowers from him,” he said, trying to make conversation as he eased you into the garden. “I think you’d like them. One species even eats flies.”

It was then, Sukuna recalled, when the two of you heard it.

An inhuman sound came from the bushes.

You hurried to investigate, with Sukuna warily following.

“Oh!” You gasped.

“What is it? Are you hurt?”

As if you hadn’t heard him, you dug into the shrubbery. “Here you are.”

“My love, be careful–”

“Naughty, naughty, you made us worried.” You rose to your feet and started cradling… something. 

Sukuna called your name. He didn’t sense any malicious intent right now but he couldn’t risk you getting hurt.

You turned around. “Ryo-chan, I found him.”

The maids knew better than to show their emotions, but their mouths tingled with the desire to gasp and talk amongst themselves.

Sukuna whispered your name and you walked towards him, arms protectively wrapped around a black-striped overgrown cat. You carried it like one would a newborn. 

You made a fake angry expression at the stupid cat as you scolded it:

“Yuji–” that was the name you and Sukuna agreed on while you were eight months pregnant “–you can’t just disappear without asking permission. You made your father and I worried!”

The cat made a sound that could only be described to be close to a purr, but not quite a purr. 

You giggled and nuzzled its nose. “How can I stay mad at you?”

Sukuna watched as you continued to baby the odd-looking cat. You were the happiest he’s seen you in weeks. He missed your smile.

He no longer cared that it was some stray from some traveling merchant. He didn’t care if the damn thing was eating way too much and growing a hella lot for a simple cat. All that mattered was that you were happy. No servant was allowed to treat your behavior as anything but normal. No one was allowed to even try to destroy the illusion. 

There were times when Sukuna swore he could see clarity in your eyes, when you would watch the sleeping “infant” or when you thought you were alone. A part of you must’ve known.

But because you never stopped treating “Yuji” as your beloved child, he never brought it up.

You were eating, you were smiling. You were happy. That was enough for him.

Though admittedly, he hated the little twerp. 

Not only did “Yuji” get spoonfed and burped personally by the madam of the Sukuna household, you also bathed him, dried and brushed his fur, and let the thing sleep between the two of you. 

It was so annoying.

He couldn’t even embrace his own wife anymore.

Now, over a thousand years later, he still had to share his darling wife with this damn brat.

Part 4: An immediate continuation of this chapter

@laurcad123 @aidanstan @deepinballs @satosuguswife

[chubbletea]

I'm bored. mcsm hcs time

jesse (any prns, bday dec 31st)

genderfluid

reuben helped them sleep, so after they lost him, they had trouble sleeping for years upon years

their music taste is anything and everything. they will go to listening from k-pop to death metal and be unfazed

jesse was fairly little when they met reuben (thinking abt 4-ish??)

they have brightly colored highlights in their hair, and it's style is short and fluffy/messy-looking

only child

doesn't want to get gender surgeries or take hormones or anything

played trumpet in middle school marching band. I'm so sorry for doing them dirty like this but it's the vibes

probably survives off of caffeine. however, this habit got better after they got radar to help

they couldn’t sleep for at least a week after reuben's death, but then they started sleeping with a plushy (probably of a pig), which slowly helped them get back into a semi-regular sleep schedule

they have a nametag necklace with reuben's name engraved on it

petra (she/her, bday feb 20th)

girl kisser. likes kissing women on the lips.

deathly terrified of getting sick. if she got lethally sick before the witherstorm event, she would be like "I'M FINE IT'S NOTHING" but after the witherstorm event if she gets a small cold she freaks tf out

she's a system bc I'm a system and I said so. she has abt five members and has rare splits

her childhood was all over the place

she likes heavier music like green day, blink-182, rob zombie, babymetal, etc.

bassist

did several martial arts and sports as a kid bc she couldn't find one she liked

Idk if I can see her doing marching band but if she did she would be an alto sax player, but like angry section leader alto sax player

lukas is her cousin. she's the only one who gets to call him luke bc that's what he originally went by before changing it to lukas

she's abt three years older than lukas, and she was very present in his childhood. they basically did everything together bc their parents were either fuckasses or straight up not there (L + ratio tbh)

lukas (he/him, bday july 24th)

trans guy. just the vibes

he's a writer. he's into WEIRD GROSS GRAPHIC SHIT. he does not faint when he sees blood or whatever.

while writing his memoir(?) abt the witherstorm journey, he writes so many graphic descriptions abt stuff like petra's illness, inside of the witherstorm, the endermen and other mobs, etc. and asks jesse to read it for criticism and such and then they end up scarred and are like "HUH?? WHO HURT YOU????"

he likes holding his cat like a baby

he's the certified "music nerd" of the group. he thinks his taste is the best

speaking of, he likes stuff like will wood, tally hall/miracle musical, lemon demon, etc. and if anyone ever asks for music recommendations he just fucking appears without warning and talks abt music for three hours

whenever lukas is handed the aux he's like "YOU GUYS WANNA HEAR A BANGER?" and plays 2/3 of a song and talks abt it for another half of it and just does it over again with several songs in a row

played clarinet in middle school-high school band and never wanted to switch bc he was very attached to his instrument

he was also probably a theatre kid. and DEFINITELY a creative writing kid. maybe an art kid too

eventually he started playing electric guitar after school

he used to be *extremely* asocial and introverted, only willingly interacting with his cousin, petra, until he met the ocelots and slowly opened up in his late middle school/early high school years thanks to them

his parents weren't very present in his childhood

throughout most of his childhood he experienced lots of autism related speech loss and was nearly completely nonverbal, but after he started becoming friends with the ocelots, he slowly gained the ability to speak. he still experiences the occasional speech loss to this day, but he's much better than he was a while back

he's the youngest member of the order

one year on t

took a few classes with olivia at one point, but they never rlly talked. he might've glanced at her one or two times tho

picked up traditional art as an extra hobby, still mostly focuses on writing

he has severe gender dysphoria and has had top surgery, but refuses to get bottom surgery, simply bc he doesn't want to.cdespite this, he stills makes jokes abt having a cock

axel (they/he, bday may 7th)

met jesse before olivia met jesse

his music taste consists of only meme songs. the first time he was handed the aux, he played two trucks. the second time he was handed the aux, he rickrolled everybody. he is now banned from the aux.

he's the oldest member of the order

has no idea how sympathy works (real!)

olivia (she/they, bday apr 12th)

former gifted kid vibes. definitely went to a private school at some point

has always looked up to ellegaard since she was little

took a few classes with lukas at one point, but they never rlly talked. olivia prolly thought abt trying to talk to him at one point tho

major art kid vibes

3-4+ years on e, got bottom surgery a little more than a year ago

she drew jesse a picture of reuben shortly after his death to try and cheer them up

radar (he/they, bday oct 16th)

bisexual and questioning if he's non-binary

it's said that he is both jesse's assistant and and intern, so that could mean he's in high school. I debated for a little bit whether he would be a junior or senior but I decided that he would be one of the older juniors (around 17 years old)

sometimes he has to miss/be late to help jesse with work or whatever bc he has schoolwork to do

definitely a hardcore theatre kid.

it's also sorta implied that radar has some sort of crush on jesse so I like to imagine that jesse is like his celebrity crush or whatever. ofc that's never gonna go through as an actual relationship or whatever

radar does mention at one point that he loves seafood so I like to imagine he encourages jesse to try seafood with him and stuff. he also definitely isn't scared to try and actually likes some of the "weird" stuff (ex. tako)

he rlly trusts jesse and likes talking to him bc he doesn't rlly have a good outlet. I like to think jesse just listens/lets him vent

he tries to go help jesse as much as he possibly can bc his home life isn't particularly great (by that I mean it's terrible)

he's the type to go "SO FUNNY STORY-" and then traumadump like it's nothing (srsly get him some therapy)

definitely has a squishmallow collection AND keeps all the tags

[thedevilsoftruth]

I know this isn't what I usually post but I just want to take a second and say thank you to The Downward Spiral and Trent Reznor.

I wasn't born during the time this album was released, I'm gen z but my parents, teachers, and most adults I know love this album and have memories from when it was released. It's funny how that works, isn't it? How can a band be this big? It just goes to show just how influential NIN really is, and how much of an impact they had on people as they were releasing music.

My first ever experience with Nine Inch Nails was when I was eleven or twelve. We didn't have wifi in our house and I was listening to the radio when my parents weren't in the house. I remember closer coming on and immediately feeling a sense of pure dread. I was terrified of that track, I thought it was the scariest song ever. Even through the censored chorus, I could piece together what Trent was saying and I was... angry? I called my dad and I was screaming, " I CANT BELIEVE THEY WOULD PLAY THIS ON THE RADIO. THIS IS SOME DIRTY STUFF!! HES SAYING I WANNA EFF YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL. " But even though I was so angry I was also curious. I wondered what the name of the song was and I wanted to listen to it again. I never found out and it never came back to me. Until 2022.

In 2022 my uncle was driving me somewhere when I heard that song on the radio again. And again another time in the car. I went home, went to YouTube and searched it up and ended up on really liking it. Beginning of last year I HATED NIN. Absolutely despised them. Couldn't listen to them, they were too loud for me and I just had a burning hatred for them for some reason. But I got sick one day and was reading a bunch of Moon Knight comics in bed and listening to YouTube music when Scantified from PHM came on. And I was In love.

The smooth, sexiness of that funky bass line, the alluring element of Trent's voice, all mingled together and penetrating my virgin ears. Scantified was really the song that got me into NIN. I enjoyed closer but I LOVED Scantified. The same night I went and listened to PHM twice. Head like a hole, ring finger, the only time, terrible lie. Those were the songs that had me awesturck. I kept thinking, " somebody made this. This is real. " It was just too good to be true. The whole album had me awestruck. It was unlike anything I'd ever listened to before. I liked Depeche Mode, The Police, She Wants Revenge and Prince. But nothing. Nothing ever came close to listening to PHM for the first time.

And it just got better as I listened to even more of this band. The fragile was the second album I ever truly liked by NIN. I loved it so much I asked my father to buy me the CD for it and PHM on my birthday last year. In fact I loved the fragile more than I loved PHM. And then late November of last year is when I really gave The Downward Spiral a listen.

I came back right where I started. In the car, with the radio playing. Except this time I was flipping through the CDs my aunt had. That was when I saw a CD that stood out to me. It was sliver with a white spiral printed onto it. I looked down and saw a familiar logo printed onto it. I didn't recognize the CD.

" Nine inch nails? Which album is this? I didn't know you liked them. " I asked my aunt. She had a huge grin on her face and then told me to put it in. And from that moment on, my taste in music was completely changed.

From the second I heard the very first second of Mr Self Destruct, I knew I was in for a ride. What is that loud noise? Is someone being beat? And then we go straight into all of these loud, complex noises I can't even describe. With all these textures and layers, Trent's kind of quiet, but angry voice throught the song mingled with all this loudness going on in the background is just... Art. And then it gets quiet. And it jumps back into that madness.

But I think out of all the songs on this album, the ones that stood out to me the most were Reptile and Ruiner. Reptile... I just can't even describe why I love so much. I love ruiner because of its kickass solo and it's pure madness and hatred, but reptile. Reptile is the missing piece of the puzzle that was the story this album tell you. I could talk about the story of this concept album, but thats a whole different conversation for another time. There's something about Reptile that you can't find anywhere. Reptile is dark, sexy, confusing, seemingly quiet ( according to my aunt ) and just... When you hear i youre like, " what the fuck is this? What hell is going on. " But in a good way. In the nicest way possible. There's a certain heaviness of this song, and I'd argue that while it's not they're angriest it's probably one of their heaviest. And not just like metal heaviest, I really don't know how to describe it. The guitar riffs in this song, especially after Trent says, " get it " and " devils speak of the way in which shell manifest" I think I just actually ascend each time I hear it.

It actually feels illegal listening to The Downward Spiral. It feels illegal listening to Nine Inch Nails in general because of how good they are. Trent Reznor is actually the greatest musician of all time-- hell, the greatest producer of all time. Like how can someone just be this good? He's such an amazing person too.

The Downward Spiral is my friend in my time of need. It's the guy who I look to whenever I'm sad and need to let out my anger. I can't listen to it all the way through without becoming depressed-- but this album hit home for me. I remember Trent saying one time somewhere that he dosent know how to write lyrics. That's just crazy in my eyes because he writes things that are actually real. Each time I listen to The Downward Spiral I feel like I'm being sung my entire life and everything I've ever struggled with.

To finish off this post, thank you Trent. Thank you for the wonderful decades that you've been producing music and changing lives. And happy late birthday to The Downward Spiral. Can't believe I missed the birthday of one of my favorite albums of all time.

[ladybeug]

Alright so

It has been about 24 hours since i finished @peachcitts fanfiction metamorphosis and i spent at least 3 of those hours making a fanmix.

Listen, Im sorry, this is just who I am, Im someone who wants to make a playlist about a specific iteration of ml characters. Especially if there are some grey morals up in there.

read the fic, listen to the fanmix, follow me under the cut thats where the party is

...and by party I mean analytical summary of each song.

I'm about to talk about some of these choices I made in depth, as a treat for myself. An indulgence. I'll keep the fic references high level but there may be some theme/tone spoilers so real talk go read the fic and meet me back here.

@peachcitt I know I tagged you but this will get long you do not have to read it or acknowledge this homage just know I appreciated your story and thought a lot about it.

so.

the whole playlist is meant to be listened to start to finish, its half the tragedy and half the hard work to get your life right side up and the rewards.

I actively tried not to put Cry for Judas on here and i did ANYWAYS

its on so many of my playlists already, I'm loose with this song. But frankly if i could only keep it on one I would keep it on here. I mean I just don't think any other adrien iterations do things just to see how bad they'll make him feel QUITE like this one and i just HAD to have that as the first line of lyrics in the playlist.

I'm just also obsessed with sad and angry, can't learn how to behave?? The tragic acceptance of being unable to be good??

find me a better match. this song had to be on here and it had to be first.

Your Ghost - this might be the only song thats only about Marinette which is a crime because I really connected with her pov but the truth is that this is an adrien fanmix and i need to accept that.

But for real the acceptance but inability to move on in this song is just perfect.

Can't Lose - maybe the angriest song on here? A little angrier than I was going for but I had to keep this one though because, I mean, "I'm thinking I can't move if there isn't somewhere else to go?" like, the, 'sure what im doing is bad but what else IS there' of it, I mean, what can I even say. It had to be on here.

If you only listen to one song on here listen to Animal Mask.

It's a song about partners in a wrestling match written as a metaphor for when John Darnielle's wife was in labor, and its so tender and sweet, and frankly it sounds like it could have been written for metamorphosis for like every single flashback of ladybug and chat noir.

I could quote every line and be like 'this is them' but like, 'hold on,' I cried, 'I'll be right there', pulled your mask down through your hair. they won't see you, not until you want them to. What am I supposed to say?? It moves me deeply I'm having emotional problems please come join me. Every other song on this playlist doesn't matter.

Anyways intermission, while we're here, let me share this experience that I had today with you:

I did then proceed to count, was appropriately ashamed that about 25% of the playlist was mountain goats, and extremely painfully chose to remove 'oceanographer's choice'.

[tangent about Oceanographers Choice vs Haunted House]

As obsessed as I am with going straight from the unbearably tender memory in animal mask to oceanographer's choice, first line: "well, guy in a skeleton costume, walks up to a guy in a superman suit, runs through him with a broadsword", the anxious switch in music, and then straight into a song about a fucked up guy fighting the woman he is still complicatedly in love with.... and he doesn't know how else to be....

oh no, listen, as I typed that I half convinced myself to add it back in again

but I won't because I even more love the transit of animal mask to the shrill and tense line in Haunted House, "I was buried in the summer, all those parties ago", and then a confused and hysterical song about dissociation and loss of control in a world where nobody seems connected to what you're going through. The tone is more ungrounded, and scared, and less resigned. Which matches what I was going for - I tried to avoid songs that were just like... "yeah i'm evil >:) thats my identity"

[end tangent]

Little Pistol I feel like I barely have to justify, but I will say what really sold me is the reference to 'I want what's best for me, and I think I know just what that means'. But then also the slight change in tune at the end? Delicious?

The Run and Go, just read the fic ok

I Wanna Get Better is one that honestly feels like it doesn't fit perfectly but I'm really drawn to a sharp turning point in the playlist from 'bad and spiraling' to 'desperately clawing my way up' which is how reading the fic felt at a certain point, and this song feels like the perfect tonal shift and has the end-of-a-movie screaming conviction that I want. Its also just so good

Do it Anyways might be the second most important song... third most important? on this fanmix. The frantic, panicky music matched with the unwavering conviction to improvement is so unmatched honestly and if we're talking about how hard it is to be your best when you feel your worst, oh my god. Read the fic, listen at 2:44 and meet me back here and there's nothing else I even need to say

Absolute Lithops Effect.... I tricked you, this is also a mountain goats song :) its a cover though so I'm not counting it.

This is one of the most beautiful songs about hope for the future and growth that I know its very important to me. The title of the playlist comes from this song. Here's what you need to know about it:

Lithops are these:

They grow so slowly they don't look like they're growing at all. But they are.

Love Love Love: Ugh don't talk to me about love love love. I'm not going to explain how this connects to the fic. It does, I'm right. There's nothing I can say about this that can't be said better by Mr. Mountain Goats himself:

"The point of the song is, you know, that we are fairly well damaged by the legacy of the Romantic poets--that we think of love as this, you know, thing that is accompanied by strings and it's a force for good, and if something bad happens then that's not love. And the therapeutic tradition that I come from--I used to work in therapy--you know, also says that it's not love if it feels bad. I don't know so much about that. I don't know that the Greeks weren't right. I think they were--that love can eat a path through everything--that it will destroy a lot of things on the way to its own objective, which is just its expression of itself, you know. I mean, my stepfather loved his family, right? Now he mistreated us terribly quite often, but he loved us. And, you know, well, that to me is something worth commenting on in the hopes of undoing a lot of what I perceive as terrible damage in the way people talk about this--love is this benign, comfortable force. It's not that. It's wild, you know?" — NPR interview with Linda Wertheimer, 14 May 2005

Metamorphosis: okay this one I added to make myself laugh but I also stand by it thematically

SUPERBLOOM: Don't we all deserve a little celebration for the hard work we do?

Anyways this is my fanmix, if you read to here I love you and you're welcome for all the mountain goats songs I peeled off of here that I didn't even tell you about. I didn't even put heel turn 2 on here. Whoops ok now i've told you about that one.

[phoenix-positivity]

Hey,

I am struggling with PTSD and my anger. It led to some destructive things lately and in the past. I need advice or reassurance for how to deal with it.

Thank you

Hi, I hope it's okay to answer this publicly so I can share the answer with others as well. If not please message me and I'll take it down.

I just made this 'masterlist' of anger worksheets

Intense anger is a valid emotion. Just make sure you are not hurting yourself or others when expressing it! Take a step back from the situation that triggered the anger and try to let out the anger in healthy ways. Please walk away from other people if you feel like you might act your anger out on others. When at work you can excuse yourself to the bathroom, or if possible you can go for a walk outside. Let others know you need some time alone to collect your thoughts if they follow you. In the worst case scenario it's still better to storm out of a room in angrily than to let the anger explode in the room with other people. You can always apologize for storming out later when you've calmed down and are ready to communicate your feelings calmly. In digital environments, remove yourself from your computer/phone/game console until you are in a calm state of mind again. Anger prevents us from making rational decisions. Honestly the key factor in avoiding conflicts is to step away from the interaction when anger arises. That's not a weakness, that's the reasonable smart thing to do.

My favourite ways to let out anger: breaking harmless things such as twigs, ripping out grass in a field, ripping up carton or paper, kneading/tearing into this big stress ball I have, biting down on a towel or chewlery, punching something that will not hurt your hands when punched and will not cause property damage (a mattress, a really squishy plushie or just a boxing ball). Refrain from causing damage to yourself, others or objects that do not belong to you. (and preferably only damage objects that you acquired with the intention to destroy like carton boxes and twigs you found outside).

Also never underestimate the power of just straight up screaming (I also tried to learn grunting for this purpose but you need to do this safely not to damage your vocal cords). You can scream into a pillow or inside of your car as to not bother or worry other people. You can also 'fake scream' by opening your mouth and screaming silently. This still puts tension on your vocal chords which can bring the same relief as actually screaming without the sound. Singing can feel just as good as screaming, especially if you can let out lyrics that you really relate to. Just simply listening to heavier genres of music with angry lyrics really helps too. (I have a lot of songs on my blog tagged with 'trauma song' if you need inspiration for some good angry songs) Moving your body to music that expresses your angry feelings also helps let out that pent up energy. Doing exercise also helps some people (think jumping jacks, squats, push-ups, going for a run outside) Also to come back to the vocals, hissing, snarling and growling like an animal are also really good ways to express intense anger, but you might want to be alone when you do these. Making art really expressively can also be a great outlet for anger.

There will obviously be situations where you can't remove yourself from the situation immediately and have to survive a small moment before you can leave the situation. (think about car rides, being behind a register at your job, etc) This is going to sound childish but counting to ten does help. I usually count in a different language so that I need to focus on the numbers more. It's not going to take your anger away, but it's mostly so to give yourself some room to try and calm down from the impulsive thoughts and actions you might want to do. I repeat mantras in my head that go somewhat like this 'stay calm, stay reasonable, don't lash out at, calm down, take a breathe, stay zen' just to prevent my anger from escalating in that moment and by holding myself accountable for my actions. I remind myself I'm not allowed to damage other people's properties (or other people, ha) and that it will get me in trouble. I also try to tell myself that acting on my angry impulses will not solve the situation and will only add fuel to the fire. Then as soon as the opportunity arises to find a quiet place to calm down I will take it and do some breathing exercises until my head is capable of having more reasonable thoughts.

You are not alone in your feelings of anger. Feeling angry doesn't mean you are a bad person, but you are responsible for your behavior when you are angry. Our feelings of anger can never be the reason others (or property) ends up hurt. (the only case where I would argue otherwise is if you are in a physical fight where you got attacked and are defending yourself, but even in these cases running/escaping/hiding would be safer because fighting back can aggravate an attacker even more)

Also if we do end up causing damage during angry outbursts we need to take accountability and apologize. (I put a link there to a worksheet for how to write a good apology) And the other party is not required to forgive us even if we are remorseful.

I hope some of that was helpful for you!

[cryptidsurveys]

Saturday, October 12th, 2024.

What happened last night? Not much. It was a pretty typical night for me. I ate dinner, cleaned the litter boxes, chatted with my dad for a bit, then went upstairs to listen to part of a podcast before getting ready for bed.

Who is the last boy you hugged? My dad.

What was the last thing you thought? I was trying to think of the last guy I hugged who wasn't my dad and realized I have absolutely no idea.

What are you thinking about right now? How one of my kitties would rather walk across my desk/keyboard than curl up on my lap. I think she's finally settling down, though.

Would you have sex with the last person you sent a message to? No.

Would you consider yourself spoiled? I would consider myself very fortunate to have the life I do, but I wouldn't consider myself spoiled.

What was the last text you sent? It was a text to my dad to let him know I was on the way home from the animal shelter earlier.

Do you break things when you are mad? I have in the past. Definitely not my proudest moments.

Whose hoodie did you last wear besides your own? I don't think I've ever worn a hoodie that wasn't mine.

Did something happen today that made you angry? Ever so slightly frustrated, but nowhere near angry.

What did you do today? I woke up shortly before 5:00am, watched some Youtube, took a shower and got dressed around 5:30am, ate breakfast while reading Youtube comments, got my bag ready, and then I sat in the family room and talked with my dad until 7:00am. Drove to the animal shelter and was there from around 7:20am-11:30am. Drove home, took a shower, had lunch (with yet more Youtube comment reading), cleaned the upstairs bathroom, and then picked out this survey to take.

What did you do Friday night? Last night was Friday night, so I already mentioned it above.

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to? Terrified.

Are you lying to yourself about something? I'm feeling confused/conflicted about certain things, but I don't think I'm lying to myself. I'm just trying to take the necessary time to figure out how I really feel.

Is your bed comfortable? It seems that way, but I often wake up stiff and achy. Maybe I'm just getting older, maybe it's my sleeping positions, or maybe I need a better pillow.

Does it take a lot to make you happy? No. The littlest things can bring me a lot of joy. Cuddling with my cats. Feeling cozy and cute in my favorite outfits. Shopping for and eating holiday treats. Snowy, rainy, or cloudy weather. Picnicking at the Mountain Park. All the kitties at the animal shelter. A relaxing drive while listening to classical music. Autumn leaves. New podcasts from my faves. Memes and silly videos from my best friend. Spending time with my dad. Etc.

Your best friend says to you now, “let's go to a party and get trashed!”? I would assume it was a joke, like there was an incoming punchline, because that's not something either one of us are inclined to enjoy.

Who knows mainly all of your secrets? My dad, my therapist, Oliver, and one of my ex-partners.

Can you go a day without thinking about the person that’s on your mind now? There are a number of people "on my mind" thanks to this survey. It's not anyone specific. Some I can go a day without thinking about, and some I cannot.

What were you doing at 1 in the morning? I was sleeping.

If someone looked ON your bed, what would they find? Several pillows and blankets, a book, and two of my kitties.

Were you single over last summer? Yeah.

Has anyone ever told you, you have pretty eyes? Yeah.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? No.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over? I don't know. A few.

When you think of the rainbow, what pops in your head? The rainbow cat hide-away we have at the shelter. It disappeared for a while, but I found it again the other day…only for it to disappear again…

Is the person you last texted single? Yeah.

Was last night terrible? No. There was nothing terrible about it. It was just a normal, chill night.

[vanadiumheart]

What’s your go-to CRJ song when you need a good cry?

I'm glad you asked me this! I am about to provide. Too much information

My sincerest answer (altho don't get it twisted, all of this is going to be sincere) is that 1. It depends on what you need to cry about or for! And 2. Straight up sometimes I will just start craving a particular song when I need it. Lyrics start leaking into my thoughts and that's how I know to go play that until I feel able to stop.

It also depends on your personal relationship to CRJ and her music. What hits for me may not feel the same for you.

All that being said, if you want more specifics by God have I got specifics for you....come this way nothing bad will happen I prommy

OK SO I made a haphazard list and then tried to sort them by Theme, more or less. Here we go.

First need to cry: Being a homosexuale, reconnecting w Jepsen and her music, Like, sheer beauty and Artistry

1. Boy Problems. Boy Problems is maybe My CRJ song. It and the accompanying music video are what made me realize I needed to listen to this artist. This needed to take up a good percentage of my brain. Returning to this song reminds me how Carly's music speaks to my heart. Also her little mullet and the sparkle dress? 😳

2. Joshua Tree sounds like looking up into the night sky

3. Felt This Way's chorus makes me feel like I'm being liquefied and if I turn wrong everything in my skull will pour out onto the ground (this is a positive e•mo•tion)

Honorable mention to Heartbeat, a sound like lavender and drinking ice water in the dark of night

Next need to cry: Unspeakable Fucking Heartache

These are all songs that I have personally needed to put on individual repeat until the howling inside me stopped for a while

1. For Sure. Do you ever go through your first lesbian breakup and you're afraid you're going to be lesbian alone forever and then CRJ has an album come out immediately after and it's speaking directly to you, Vada, you personally? Yeah....me neither...

2. Too Much. Is this too much? Am I too close? 'Cause--

3. Keep Away. Dear fucking god. What did she put in here. What did she put in this. If I suddenly go limp and my phone rolls delicately out of my slack hand and shatters on the floor, like I'm a dainty debutante that's been Poisoned in her Chambers. Know it was Carly, and I accept responsibility. She caught me slipping

Today's third and final cry: HEARTBREAK (assorted!)

1. First Time is an easy one to offer. It's sad, it's straightforward, it still kind of makes you want to sing and dance even as you're sprawled out on your bed, informing the CRJ of your mind's eye that it is, in fact, the first time. Maybe the first time it's happened to anyone ever at all. Then again how did she write this if that was true.

2. The Sound. Ouuuughhhh. Righteous anger. Love IS more than telling me you want it!!!!!! And Carly can remind you that you deserve better

3. Roses. The music in Roses makes me want to writhe around on the ground, and you can shout the chorus along with her

Can you tell I'm losing steam...but we persist

4. Right Words Wrong Time is so good. It's an acceptance of sorrow--he's never going to be what she needs when she needs it. The end sounds like an angelic chorus demanding you leave. Augh.

5. I'll Be Your Girl is so fucking sad. It's angry and jealous and I always think of it in conjunction with Your Type, because where Your Type is about defying the desire to change to hold on to somebody, I'll Be Your Girl is about indulging in that feeling. It hurts to identify with it, stings just a little bit.

In conclusions

It's depends. I hope this answered your question! 💛

[frusciantehoe]

As can be - a part two to running away into you.

He had left, left you stranded in Japan with the band, like you were nothing. John didn’t even tell you he was going, you only found out from the shouting and chaos one night in the hotel in Tokyo. You walked down the hall to Anthony’s room, the door was already open and practically everyone was inside. The band, tour managers, even some roadies, most importantly John was there too. It sounded like they were all in the middle of a heated discussion, bordering on a fight.

“I can’t do this anymore, I didn’t sign up for this, it’s fucking bullshit man!”, John yelled. “I’m going back to LA, right now.”

“You can’t just leave, we’re in the middle of our tour, what the fuck is wrong with you? You’re destroying everything we built, greenie.” Anthony retorted.

It looked like something switched in John, something that made his body tense and his eyes darken. Greenie.

John walked over to Anthony and raised his fists, before Chad and Flea separated the two. Anthony was hurling insults at John, calling him “crazy” and a “stupid kid”.

Not so long ago, the two of them were brothers, hell, the whole band were brothers. But now it was different, John and Anthony hated each other, Flea was angry with them for hating each other, and poor Chad was stuck in the middle. Everything was crumbling apart, all of the closet people in Johns life had either left, barely talked to him, or hated him but stuck around because they had to. Except for you of course.

After a few moments of silence, Flea eventually spoke. “Can we all just sit down, think and talk about this?”. He looked over at John. “I mean, dude, this is a really big thing, you can’t just leave right before a show, it’s immature.”

“I don’t give a fuck, none of you give a fuck, I’m leaving.”, John stood up and walked out the door, right past you.

You felt everyone’s eyes on you, or straight through you and at the doorway where you stood. Everyone was silent, everything was silent and still, the exact opposite of the usual environment you had found yourself in over the years.

After a moment, you turned and ran down the hall as fast as you could to where John had gone. You found an elevator, but of course it didn’t work fast enough so you bolted down the stairs to the hotel lobby where John was, getting ready to leave. To leave you behind.

You called after him and weaved your way through the people waiting in line to check in. Eventually you caught up with him outside, where he was talking to one of the many taxi drivers outside the hotel.

You grabbed his shoulder and lightly pulled. “John, what are you doing? Come back inside, please.” You pleaded desperately. He looked right through you before shrugging your hand off him and getting into the cab. You tried to tell the driver to wait, just for a minute, just long enough so you could at least get a bag to go with John, but he drove off before you could even open your mouth, via John’s request.

You stood on the pavement, glassy eyes glued to the cab as it drove off. You prayed to anyone who would listen for John to turn his head around, see you and get out of the cab, but he didn’t. The cab drove down the busy street, until it was surrounded by other cars and you couldn’t see it anymore.

You felt empty, literally empty. The love of your life, the man you had given everything to for the past three years, your love, your life, your care, your body and your virginity, had left you, like he had never even known you.

…

Months had passed and you were back in LA. Flea had thankfully gotten you a ticket back with them, if he hadn’t you probably would’ve still been in Tokyo.

You had found a job at a record store. It was weird to be back working again, but nice. John provided for you when you were still together, he said you didn’t need a job anymore, and he wanted you to be by his side for the all the touring, so you quit your old job.

This job was nice though, you were always surrounded by music at home, so the store was like an extension of it. Plus you could talk to people about your favourite bands or songs. Sometimes a douchebag would come in though, spouting sexist nonsense about how a woman could never understand the intricacies of music. Little did they know you were surrounded by people who were millions of times better than they ever could be at playing whatever instrument they thought they were a god at.

…

It was a particularly slow day in the store. You had three customers come in. One was some punk guy, his hair was spiked up with gel, he was decked out in leather with chains all over him and a bad brains shirt on. He had bought a live album from the germs, one you remembered listening to one night with John.

Next, a young girl, probably 14 or 15 came in. She had smoky eyes, dark red lipstick, a short skirt with rips in her tights and an oversized cardigan on. Your favourite outfit, she looked so cool. She bought two records, bleach by nirvana and loaded by the velvet underground. John always played the latter, the two of you would dance to sweet Jane whenever you were cooking in the kitchen. It made your heart ache.

Lastly, for now anyway, an old lady came in, with a knee length skirt and a fuzzy sweater. She reminded you of your grandma. She went straight up to you at the counter and asked for your help finding a record for her husband, it was his birthday! You skimmed through the records with her for a bit until she found one, the perfect one. Harvest moon by Neil Young. She told you about how the two of them loved his other album, harvest when they were younger and newly married. She spoke of him so fondly and lovingly, her eyes glittering as she recounted all the memories of her husband. You wondered how two people could stay in love for so long, but then you thought about John again.

You wondered what it would be like if the two of you were still together, if nothing had changed. Maybe in the future, fifty years from now you could have been that old woman, talking to a younger one about the music that the two of you did everything together with.

Once Kathy (you found out that was her name) had gone, you were sat alone in the store. An hour or so passed, without anyone coming in, until a man with his hood pulled up and a thick jacket wandered inside. Odd for this time of year, it was boiling hot all day, you yourself had a tank top and shorts on, with the ac blasting, but it was still extremely hot inside.

He wandered around the store for a bit, mainly focused on the classic rock section and the punk section, before picking up three records and coming up to the counter.

You shot him a smile, but he didn’t see, at least that’s what you thought. His hood was covering practically his whole face.

You glanced down at the albums. Adam and the ants, the velvet underground and Jimi Hendrix. “Good choices.”, you spoke as you scanned the barcodes. He only grunted in response. Rude.

“Okay, that’ll be… $51.90.”, you said, packing the records into a plastic bag.

He got out his wallet and started placing bills out onto the counter, twenty, forty, forty five, fifty. Change went all across the ground as he started counting out quarters. You dove out to help him pick up the change and put it into his hand when you saw something. An asterisk on his right wrist, just like John’s.

You looked up to be greeted with the face of your ex boyfriend, eyes wide when yours met his.

“John?”, you spoke up after an agonising few seconds of silence. He didn’t say anything and pulled his hood back down before slamming the change onto the counter and grabbing his bag. You watched as he left, still in shock.

You were going to go out and follow him, to yell and cry and argue, but of course a sudden wave of customers came into the store, and you had to go back to your place behind the counter.

Eventually it hit seven pm, your shift ended and you had to close up the shop. You swept up around the floor, counted the money from the cashier, turned off the lights and locked the front door. It was such a nice night, the breeze was warm, the temperature had dropped a bit and the sun was setting in the sky.

You turned around to head back home, when you saw him sitting on a bench with his head in his hands. You didn’t know what to do, or what he wanted, probably to talk to you or get a quick fuck.

John got up once he saw you, bag in hand. His face was plastered with guilt and sadness. It almost made you burst into tears.

“Y/n im so sorry, I mean it, I’m so fucking sorry.”, he spoke. His voice was different, rougher and rawer, like he had been smoking non stop.

“It’s fine, i have to go home and eat dinner.”, you tried to walk past John but he grabbed your hand and pulled you back to him, so gently, like he was afraid of you shattering.

“No it’s not, I was a complete dickhead to you, I left you in a different country by yourself because I couldn’t handle something. I understand if you don’t wanna talk to me again, just please let me walk you home.”

You nodded and didn’t say a word. A lump was forming in your throat, and you knew if you said anything you would most definitely start crying.

You stood side by side as John started walking you home, hands brushing against each other occasionally but never locking together. The lump was getting bigger and harder to hold back.

After the worst silence you’ve ever experienced, not uncomfortable, just heartbreaking, you eventually reached your apartments door. You looked up at John, his hood was down now and you could admire his features.

“No.”, you thought. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

John was the first to speak, his eyes finding yours. “Well, I should head home now, it was nice seeing you again.”

He turned around to leave but you grabbed his wrist, making him turn his head to look at you. Tears filled your eyes and you felt like the lump was going to explode in your throat any second.

“No, stay, don’t leave me.”, you were trying desperately not to cry. “Don’t leave me again John.”

You flung yourself into his arms, your own hooking around his neck. John melted into your embrace, fingers clutching onto you so tightly. He didn’t want to leave you ever again.

You both stayed like that together for a few minutes, tears and sniffles and cries escaping the both of you. Slowly you pulled away to unlock the front door. Once it was opened John picked you up, hooked your legs around his waist and brought you inside.

“I’ll never leave you ever again, no matter what happens, someone will have to kill me for us to be separated.”, John whispered against your hair.

You nodded and clung to him, a smile forming on your face even though tears were still slipping down your flush cheeks. You looked up at him and cupped his face with your hands, fingertips tracing over his soft skin.

“Please just kiss me already.”, you whispered back.

John leaned down and captured your soft lips in his slightly chapped ones, he must’ve stopped wearing lip balm, you always reminded him to.

He carried you to your bedroom and carefully put you down on the bed. You looked up at him with a big smile on your lips, hair splayed across the pillows and blanket.

“You’re so beautiful, I missed looking at you in real life.”, John spoke, fingers tracing over the curves over your waist.

“Real life?”, you questioned, eyes narrowing in confusion and curiosity. You swore you saw his cheeks flush, something rare for John Frusciante.

“Oh um, I just liked looking at pictures of you when we weren’t together. I missed you too much.”, he stumbled over his words, voice quiet and soft.

Your heart melted even more. How was it possible to fall back in love so quickly and so deeply? Well, you never stopped loving him, you thought. And there was your answer.

You pulled John down and kissed him again, lovingly and desperately. You needed him, needed to feel him inside you, filling up your cunt to the brim.

Johns hand’s unbuttoned your shorts and pulled them. He broke the kiss to look at you, eyes soft and lips parted.

“You want me to fuck you?”, he whispered. You nodded quickly, thighs spreading almost instantly at his words. John sucked in a breath as he saw you had soaked through your panties at the centre.

He knelt down in front of the bed and wrapped his arms around your hips, pulling them towards the edge gently until you were almost hanging off. Your hands braced themselves on top of his head and you rested your thighs on his strong shoulders.

Sometimes you forgot how masculine John was, how strong his body was, whenever he yelled at someone or got angry, it always turned you on so much. Many times you both fucked in a dressing room after a gig on one of the bands tours, because some argument or fight happened, and you would pull John away, cunt soaking and inviting him in to soothe away the anger.

You snapped back to reality once you felt Johns lips pressed against your clit through your panties. His spit mixed with your slick until he couldn’t tell which one was making you so wet. John slid your panties off carefully before burying his face in between your thighs. His tongue was lapping up your juices, lips sucking on your clit until you were moaning for more, for his fingers inside you too, which he happily obliged, sinking two fingers inside your cunt knuckle deep.

He flicked his tongue over your clit and pushed his fingers inside you at the same pace, never faltering for a second. You felt the warmth in your tummy building and intensifying.

Your hands gripped onto his hair tightly. He’d finally grown it out after shaving it, the strands tangled around your fingers perfectly, like vines twisting around a tree trunk.

John started sucking on your clit and flicking his tongue over it at the same time while his fingers crooked up inside you, pressing right up against your sweet spot. You practically cried his name, thighs trembling and locking his head in place as you tried to close them.

He looked up at you and the sight almost made him cum in his pants. Your face was contorted in complete ecstasy, eyebrows scrunched up, lips parted and eyes shut tight. He groaned into your pussy, tongue rubbing against your clit harder and fingers pushing faster.

“Cum for me, baby. Let go and cum for me, I know you can.”, John spoke into your pussy. His fingers crooked right up into your sweet spot again and his lips sucked your clit hard, pushing you right over the edge. You cried out his name and bucked up slightly, thighs trembling even more.

John helped you ride out your orgasm, he pulled his lips off your clit and moved his fingers a little slower. “That’s it, that’s my girl.”, he praised.

Your eyes fluttered open after a few seconds and you looked up at John, your cheeks flushing as you saw him sucking your juices off his fingers.

“You okay?”, he whispered, lips pressed against your sweaty forehead. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cum so hard.”

You swatted his chest weakly and he laughed, arms wrapping around your hips and pulling you against him. “What? It’s the truth!”

“Shut up.”, you narrowed your eyes at him, trying to hold back a smile.

“I love you.”, he grinned like a child, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

“I love you too.”

John leaned down and kissed your lips gently while he took off your top. Once your breasts were out his hands cupped them, thumbs tracing over your nipples. He pulled back to look at you.

“So much better than looking at a picture.”, he mumbled, mostly to himself. Johns lips sucked one of your nipples into his mouth, tongue tracing over the soft skin while he moaned into your breast, he always loved them the most.

Your hands buried in his hair and you moaned his name breathlessly, drawing another groan from him. He shoved his hands down to his belt and unbuckled it quickly, before taking off his pants. You pulled away to help him take off his shirt, fingers dipping over the crevices of his abs and chest once it was off.

“Need you, need to feel you.”, he moaned out, lips finding your nipple again.

You nodded and stroked his hair, moaning for him to fuck you. John pumped his cock a few times while he sucked on your tit, whispering about how beautiful you were and how you were too good for him.

He pulled away from your breast and slowly guided himself into your tight cunt, making you wince in pain. He stilled once he was halfway inside, eyes locking on yours.

“You okay? You want me to stop?”, he whispered, praying that you wouldn’t say that. Of course he would immediately stop if you told him to.

You shook your head and gave him a shaky smile. “No, keep going, I’m okay.”

He nodded and slowly pushed in further, until he bottomed out inside you, groaning and stilling again to let you adjust.

“Fucking hell, I missed your cunt so bad.”, he moaned against your ear. He could almost cum right now, you were so insanely wet and tight around his cock.

“Please move, johnny.”, you whispered after a moment once the burn was gone. John drew his hips back until only his tip was inside, before driving them forward. He was moving agonisingly slowly, and you begged him to go faster.

He pulled one of your legs over his shoulder and leaned down, pressing his forehead to yours. His hips slowly sped up and he groaned your name, fingers gripping onto the pillow each side of your head.

You felt your mind haze as the pleasure started to build up inside you, trembling and moaning for more, Johns fingers slid down to rub soothing circles over your clit as he fucked himself deeper into your cunt. His eyes boring into yours.

“Always so good for me, so fucking good, baby.”, he praised, moans and words mixing together into something that made his voice sound like it came from Aphrodite herself.

Your breasts bounced up and down a little each time John thrusted and Johns mind was instantly filled with images of you that he can’t help. Your belly expanding to make room for his child and your soft tits swelled up. He groaned at the picture.

“Wanna give you a baby, sweetheart. Fuck, will you let me?”, he groaned out, thrusting more forcefully.

You nodded frantically, a moaning, sobbing mess underneath him. “Yes! Please, wanna have your baby! Wanna be with you forever and ever, johnny!”, you sobbed out, cumming hard all over Johns cock.

John groaned and dropped his head in between your breasts as he pumped your cunt full of his cum until it was leaking out of you. After a few seconds, he slowly pulled out of you, groaning at the sight of his cum spilling out of your cunt.

“I’ll be right back, baby.”, he whispered and kissed your forehead before walking out of your bedroom. You watched as he left, a little bit worried that he wouldn’t come back, but then you thought back about what he said. He wanted to have a baby with you. A family.

John came back after a few moments, damp cloth in hand. You realised he just wanted to clean you up, and your cheeks turned red at the thought. He knelt down in between your legs and wiped off the cum from your thighs carefully, pressing kisses to your skin.

Once he was done he threw the cloth over to your laundry hamper and laid down beside you. You stroked his hair as he rested his head on your breasts, relishing in his presence again.

“You know, I’m sorry about everything, I love you, and I’m staying with you for the rest of my life.”, he whispered.

“I know, I love you too, johnny.”, you whispered back, lightly scratching your nails into his scalp.

His fingers traced patterns over your stomach as he looked down at it. John felt you fall asleep after a few moments and he closed his eyes too.

John was right where he needed to be, and he was never leaving again.

[vannahfanfics]

Hi its me again, could i pleace get a  Naruto Matchup

Im around 5'7(169cm-170cm (1,69,8cm) my name is Dana (Dana Marie),(im 24 but if its ok for you you can match me with anyone),a Woman/she/her,Bi curious but i usaly prefer mans and i was never in a Relationsship with a Woman,from Germany,pale skin,pear shaped figure with curves(i hate my legs i think they too chubby)i have a extremely small waist ,long curly/wavy(they can't decide😅sometimes it's even almost straight,without me doing something) gold blonde/dirty blonde hair (usaly in a bun) and pale greenish eyes(sometimes they are even Aquamarine,sometimes there very intense Green),i have dimples and wear glasses. I have scars on my left arm. And a small light pink 3D Butterfly tattoo on the inside, below of my right calf.

Infp-t,i have a mild form of autism but it's not really noticeable,ambivert,Im open minded(my friends say they can always be themself around me) caring and very nice(sometimes to nice that i get hurt) i always try to help someone and be always there for someone,insecure,usaly im calm but i can talk like a Waterfall sometimes, my parents say that i'm a bumpkin and sometimes speak a little loudly when I'm excited or angry���, forgiving,kinda stubborn,a little hotheaded sometimes,dreamy, tolerant,im very muddle-headed(but not stupit i have an IQ from 135)and very clumsy,im humorous,i can be very quick-witted sometimes and everyone is surprised,i hate to hurt people(in any way)but if someone hurt my family/friends im very Protectiv. Lovingly sassy/a little tease sometimes. Sometimes i'm to honest and just say very blunt what i think but my friends/family know that i never mean what i say in a mean way and i don't even notice that it could be misunderstood/hurt someone. Im very loyal. I am sometimes very emotional but can also come across as very emotionless sometimes even if I am not (I cry about simple things sometimes in a movie but i have trouble to cry infront of someone by emotional stuff). I can good empathize with other people's feelings if I want to. I often complain about my physical health like an old woman but everyone thinks that it's funny and old people feel young in my presence😅. I know how i get what i want(it can be in a very Smart and creative way or I annoy a person until I get what I want😅).

My best friend once said I look like an aggressive stubborn hamster going to War if im angry, but as soon someone hurt my Family im a fiery Tiger. I don't often have arguments,it's very rare.

I am an open book and you can ask me anything, if I am comfortable with a person. For someone at my age i have a big fantasy (i don't mean in a Pervert way, and not in a childish way i think).Im also slithly "scared"of doing something wrong and try to do everything right,and ask often questions to make sure. I tend to over do it with presents. I tend to be a perfectionist with my drawings but with everything else i try only half-heartedly unless i do something for someone i like.If someone is hurt i will take care of them like a Nurse/Mother.

Im very supportive. If i give Hugs it's something special,i do that very rare,because...i feel awkward (Not in a relationship)..i never got many hugs or stuff like that in my live,i like them but im not used to them.

I hate/don't like(or im scared of): crowds,heights, the darkness, clowns and grasshopers and to be somethere i never be there alone,im not the biggest fan of sports (except for soccer, swimming, badminton, dancing and a game that you play with a basketball it's called 24 i think).Sticky stuff,Sand/Dirt, My sense of direction is as good as that of a potato. I hate if something is unfair or someone ignoring me. I hate arrogant narcissistic people. I don't like sudden changes that much, sometimes it's hard for me to deal with them.

Hobby's/I like: to Sleep/Daydream,to draw (Anime or i try realistic)to listening to music sometimes i forget myself if i draw or daydream and i start to sing or dance. I love to play board games. i can play the piano and can draw,i love roses (i'm a bit obsessed with everything that has to do with roses😅),i like stargazing,i like to eat strawberrys and Chocolate and meat,i like trampolin jumping and to listening to music when im on it,to swim,movies/Games,to read english,to learn languages,i like dogs i have one a crazy bishon frise girl named Elli,teoreticaly i can cook and bake kinda good but im to Lazy to do it or to do it alone, i like almost any Music besides of havy Metal and other exceptions,i also like classic Music but it makes me sleepy😅

Love Language/how im in a Relationsship: first im kind of shy about skin ships but i like them (how much depents on the day,on one day it's only small skin ships but on another day/Minute I could tackle the person with cuddles and kisses and rave about the person like a crazy woman,but usaly only in privat and after we are togehter for at least 2 Months, after more time i also show my "weird" side)and if im tired or sick i get cuddly (but i don't like to cuddle when i want to sleep,unless its extremely cold),i like to messing up the hair of someone i like or playing with them (it's relaxing to me,but i only do that than i know the person longer, i also like if the the person do the same with me, i feel small and i get sleepy when someone play with my hair),i love forehead kisses, i tend to spend too much money on the person i like or are in a relationship with and overdo it with gifts. Im always there for the Person and Support them no matter by what. After i know the person longer i tend to be very honest and im also a big tease in any way. Im also very  patient in a relationship. Im kind of Motherly and pemper the person i love.

What is important for Me about the Person: The Person must be Loyal,should have humor and be patient with me should accept me as the person i am,must not be violent/rude against me (When someone angry yells at me, I may reflexively cry sometimes), should support me. If he can tease me sometimes a bit. A bit Banter.

(I have a little soft spot for gentlemanly actions, like if someone holds the door open for me or give me his jacket because he sees im freezing...,i get a light crush right away for a short amount of time)

My goal: is to have many childrens and to get Married, to finally find someone who loves me for who I am and doesn't lie to me and is loyal.I also hope that People like my Drawings. (I have a 2 years old Son and im currently pregnant with a little girl, if this info makes it difficult to match me you can ignore it)

I hope i did nothing wrong or forgot something, and thank you very much in advance😊

All righty! Moving on with your next match-up for Naruto:

I match you with...

Choji Akimichi from Naruto!

After reading your bio, it seems to me that this handsome fella is the guy for you! You two have a lot in common, and I feel like he fits the bill for a lot of qualities you look for in a person. So let's jump into the analysis:

Choji's not one to care about appearances; to him, it's the heart that matters. But that's not gonna stop him from constantly reminding you how gorgeous you are! Everybody loves compliments, after all, and he also wants to make sure you know just how cherished you are. You're a goddess in his eyes, and he's gonna worship the ground at your feet!

As I mentioned, personality is a big draw for Choji. We all know that Choji has a heart of gold, and so he's definitely going to appreciate that you are similarly open-minded and compassionate! He also thinks those moments when you're dreamy and absent-minded are super adorable; while you're staring off into space, he'll be staring at you, equally lost in how in love with you he is! You'd think he wouldn't be one to go for people with sassy and fiery tendencies, but look who his teammates are. He thinks it's so badass how protective you get over the people you care about, and he'll definitely be in your corner! He's not really one for banter, but don't worry about teasing him; he knows you do it in jest, and occasionally, he will surprise you with a witty quip of his own!

Choji is very understanding when it comes to your insecurities; he has his own, after all. So he's gonna put a lot of effort into making sure your perfectionism/fear of messing up doesn't get in the way of you knowing how awesome he thinks you are! He'll be there, always reminding you of how capable and talented you are. And he is a well of patience; he never gets angry or yells and is always willing to talk things out with a calm and level head. It's a great quality for navigating the rocky parts of relationships that always come around.

Choji's a lot like you when it comes to relationships. He's pretty shy at first, very conscious about not overstepping boundaries and flustered at the idea of displaying affection. After you grow more comfortable, so will he! Once he opens up, he very much loves to cuddle, kiss, and otherwise be lovey-dovey. <3 Choji also loves to give gifts, and he definitely believes that food is the way to the heart (it's definitely the way to his!). He'll always be getting you little snacks, cooking you delicious meals, and getting you chocolate for every holiday. So, please, return the favor in kind! Feed this man!

Choji is so good with kids, given how much time he spent around Mirai! Just like with you, he's a paragon of patience and never gets mad at them, and he believes in talking things out with kids to get them to understand why things are a certain way. He loves to play, too, especially good ol' rough-and-tumble games like wrestling and tag and the like. And your doggo? Catch Choji snoozing in a recliner with your pooch fast asleep on his belly. It's the best way to nap! :)

You mentioned that you like to sleep and/or daydream. Well, so does Choji!

Naps are a vital part of life, in Choji's opinion. And the guy can fall asleep anywhere: in a chair, on the floor, outside, on tables, in places you would think it is impossible to sleep. He does it! And he loves to get you to snooze with him!

You don't have to sleep if you don't want to. Choji is perfectly content to just have you curled up beside him, listening to music or drawing or just daydreaming away. It's less about the act of sleeping and more about spending some nice, relaxing time with you! Sometimes, he won't even sleep himself; he'll just lay there contentedly, watching you draw or do whatever you're doing.

He's the most cuddly when he's tired. If you're napping with him, expect him to be glued to your side! He loves to spoon, loves to hold you close, but he also loves it if you let him lay his head in your lap and snooze while you're watching T.V. or something. He loves feeling close to you, and you're so soft and warm. <3

Pillow forts? Pillow forts! Choji loves to make these, and he knows how to make big elaborate ones that are so cozy and inviting. Whether it's a romantic date night or a fun night with you and your kids, pillow forts are always his go-to! He'll even build one outside if you want to spend the evening stargazing.

Bottom-line is, Choji believes in rest. So don't be surprised when you start to overwork yourself that Choji literally drags you away to catch a light nap. He's not afraid to use his strength against you, pick you up, carry you wherever, and then hold you tight so you can't go anywhere! He won't relinquish until you agree to take a break, and he won't fall asleep himself until he's sure you have. Let him take care of you! >:(

And, here is the drabble for your Tier III match-up! Sorry to prey on your poor sense of direction, but I thought it would be a nice way to illustrate just how patient and understanding Choji is! <3 Enjoy:

"We're definitely lost."

Your lips pull into a guilty frown while you look from your cellphone map to the street and back again. Your sense of direction is so abysmal that you have to rely on G.P.S. to get you anywhere unfamiliar, but it seemed that the app has failed you. It happens from time to time, but it feels even worse when you're actually trying to lead someone somewhere instead of just get there on your own.

"I'm sorry, Choji," you sigh and turn to him with a pitifully remorseful look. "I can't believe I got us lost! You've been raving about this restaurant all week, and I just can't find it!" Quite honestly, you expected him to be disappointed, and so you prepared yourself for a dejected frown. Heck, he even might get irritated with you. This wasn't the first time you'd gotten them lost looking for a new place to have a date, and he had every right to be fed up with the repeated mistakes.

"Hey, it's no big deal." Ever the king of patience, Choji just smiles and winds his arm around your shoulders to give you a reassuring squeeze. "It happens to everybody." When you just poke your bottom lip out even more, he encourages you with a laugh, "We don't have to go to that restaurant! I like surprises. Let's see what's around here instead."

Your self-loathing can't compete with Choji's sunny agreeableness. You hate when things didn't go according to plan, but something about Choji's easy-going approach to everything made hiccups like this far more tolerable. When he starts guiding you down the sidewalk to peruse the various shops and restaurants, you already have a little smile worming its way onto your mouth.

You meander halfway down the street, and Choji suddenly stops with an excited cry.

"Look at that! A BBQ joint!" he crows excitedly while gesturing at the sign. When he glances at you, his eyes were bright with glee. "Now I'm glad we got lost. This is even better than the place we were gonna go to originally."

"You're just saying that," you accuse, your pout returning with a vengeance.

"Nuh-uh," he insists while steering you toward the door. "Meat is the best! I'm so looking forward to this BBQ right now, I don't even remember why I was excited about the other place."

You laugh at his rebuke, and you find yourself believing it, too. He just looks so excited, like a kid who'd stumbled across a candy store; besides, Choji never lies to you. He always looked on the bright side of things, so if he was saying he liked that things had worked out this way, he meant it.

And you already know what he's going to say when he smiles brightly at you.

"It doesn't matter where we go, anyway. As long as I'm with you, I'm the happiest guy in the world!"

What did you do to deserve this man? You would ask, but he'd just laugh and say that he asks the same thing about you.

Interested in a commission? Check out this post!

[unadulterated-syd]

ah words cant explain how excited i am for this!!! please can i request a male boy meets world matchup???

i know you know all of this by now but i’ll send it all again just as a reminder <3 i go by she/her pronouns. my name is florence but most people call me flo or other nicknames. i’m a fair skinned 5’3 girl with long curly gold hair that is cut in 90s layers with long side bangs. it’s typically held off my face with a ballet pink coloured ribbon. i have downturned doe eyes that are constantly switching between blue, green and grey. i always curl my lashes and wear mascara because sadly naturally i have very straight pale lashes. i have a slim, slight figure. my face only has a few freckles but i have a lot on my body. i have a small ring of freckles on my knuckle which i love!!! my cheeks are always flushed and i have a small gap betweeen my front 2 teeth.

i’m extremely physically affectionate. my friends irl will tell anyone that because i’m nearly always holding their hands or looping my arms with theirs. my love language is definitely physical touch. i’m an infp and a libra. i also get told that my personality reminds people of miss honey or cinderella. so i guess that means i’m pretty soft spoken and kind. i’m very quiet when i first meet people but once they probably know me i can ramble for ages about my hyper-fixations.i can be kinda naive but only because i always wanna see the good in people!!! i don’t really get angry or when i am angry i just end up crying.

i really love classic literature and vintage books!!! along with vintage movies (especially audrey hepburn movies, i’m literally obsessed with her) i love alternative music from the 80s. think the smiths, blondie, echo and the bunnymen + not from the 80s lana <333 though to be fair i just adore anything from the past. but also i thrive listening to vintage love songs. i dress in a very typically feminine way with ditsy floral patterns and lace being a staple in my wardrobe. i love pressed flowers and journaling.

omg thank you do much im literally so excited for this

i think you'll be excited to hear these ones tehe !!

since i made you wait so long + i don't remember your preference !! i gave you a gal and a guy :))

also i totally think i said this to you last time but you're literally like the coolest person ever???

I give you,,

-> Eric Matthews !!

obviously i have to give you Eric,, because it works so well on different levels

a. you're both emotional people,, i mean think u guys argue and then you guys just cry together because it was stupid and there's no way either of u could be gen mad ☹️💓

b. you'd be different from the normal relationships he has,, like you guys actually connect rather than looks alone + that's why it lasts,, because he really liked you

c. friends to lovers bc he'd like not think of you romantically until he says something to jack or corey and they make fun of him for "being in love"

d. he'd listen to any music i think,, you play it and he'll just enjoy it he doesn't care

e. he would LOVE to listen to hyperfixations + it takes him awhile to understand so he finds it really nice that u treat him intellectually equal,, like taking the time to explain certain things to him

f. you could befriend morgan and she'd love ur aesthetic let's be honest

g. plus you're both naive so neither one of you feels guilty if you accidentally fall for something,, like emotionally you guys get one another there!!

h. also he LOVES physical affection,, like you're both constantly touching each other in some way. but not in a way that makes others uncomfortable if that makes sense??

i. lastly,, he's very compassionate so id just see u both as being insufferable + movie night and you're both just abnoxiously sobbing over something small (super silly to me but Corey would complain the WHOLE time)

i give you,,

-> angela moore !!

i was inbetween angela and rachel here,, but i decided angela,, here's why !

a. she's canonically really into literally, poetry, classic literature,, so the two of you already share a huge part of interest together. analyzing works + reading together >>

b. golden retriever and blackcat gfs !!

c. i think angela would really like the type of movies your into,, and i think she would sit there comforting you after movies like "hon theyre not real are you ok???"

d. she doesn't get how you cry when you're angry,, but she also adores it in a way?? like she's very used to arguments getting heated but you guys have a very open line of communication bc of the way you handle things??

e. you guys would 50/50 music i think,, somedays it's yours all day and some it's hers rather than arguing over it. like you both LIKE each other's music enough to be like "okay you can play it today"

f. she likes how clingy you are affection wise,, goes out of her way to like always hold ur hand or smthn so you're comfortable !!

g. will protect u from anyone who tries to take advantage of u,, she's really good at reading people in that way + she doesn't make you feel less

h. also u guys are like polar opposites aesthetic wise,, and so u guys literally just surprise people when they find out you're together + she finds it really funny

hope this was worth the wait!!! :DD

[bisluthq]

https://www.tumblr.com/bisluthq/757777034966712320/my-swiftie-fandom-comes-in-like-a-waves-i-got?source=share

16-year-old anon from earlier, and yeah, same! If you'll allow me to rant for a minute (though I may have already done so in the past) here is MY experience as a Taylor Swift fan over the years:

First remember being aware of who she is around Red/1989. I think the first song I heard was IKYWT and it was on the radio. From that point I would find any Taylor-related content on YouTube. This included music videos, interviews, parodies, the occasional bit of gossip (the only tidbit I remember pre-rep was Calvin at the Massage place that gave happy endings😭), and of course, speed-up versions of her songs because this was pre her adding her catalogue BACK to streaming, not that I WAS streaming at age 7, but yk.

I had a vague knowledge of some of her boyfriends. I knew Harry (duh) and Calvin (also kind of duh) and Joe Jonas. I knew of the Jonas Brothers (mainly cause of the purity ring jokes, which if we're being fr is their main legacy) and I also knew he did Cake By The Ocean which was EVERYWHERE circa 2016. I don't think I knew he'd dated Taylor, though. I think I also only found out about Hiddles and that whole circus around Rep.

Around 2015ish i saw a 1989 CD at Target and asked my mum to buy it. I then got a Red CD soon after. Cut to 2016/2017, Taylor's music isn't being played on the radio, and my 9(?) year old self is sad and confused. I knew nothing of the #taylorswiftisoverparty. I just knew they weren't playing her music anymore. Cut to 2017 - i, alongside the rest of the world, sat and watched the LWYMMD music video. I also remember watching the lyric video and being scared by the snake😭

After this, I tried very hard to listen to rep in full, but had no idea where to find it. One night, I was a scrolling on YT and found Delicate (or Dress), and then came across Better Than Revenge. My 9/10 year old self was SCANDALISED and VERY confused, as I had never seen the Speak Now album cover in. my. life. and thought she had already put out an album. Anyway, sometime between the release of Rep & Lover, I stopped seeking stuff out. When the Lover singles came out I hated ALL of them. From memory, ME! felt like a personal violation (I was BIG into PAN!C at the time, and hated that the song was so ass - though, in retrospect, the stuff of theirs (later work. Very little early stuff) that I listened to was objectively worse), Lover (song) was boring, and You Need To Calm Down made me viscerally angry due to me starting to realise I was not straight and desperately trying to believe I was wrong. I did not seek out Lover the way I had done Rep and was, at this point, a genuine anti.

Then folklore came out and people RAVED about it, so I decided to check it out. I liked it, but didn't click with it in the way other people had. It did inspire me to check out her back catalogue + rep/Lover. By the time evermore dropped I was IN IT, and I became even more in it upon hearing evermore. I got very involved in fandom culture (also got very into Glee... you can imagine what the combination inspired in 13 year old me), until around 2022, when I began being frustrated with Taylor’s jets and perfomatitive activism. I once again went anti (I also got very into Stranger Things around this time, specifically Max... played by Sadie Sink... Taylor Swift is the only constant in this world). Then, she reeled me back in with the Midnights marketing campaign. Once again, I was there the second it dropped (as I have been for all of her releases since evermore). WCS broke my brain (as right where you left me had the year prior) and I had no choice but to go FULL swiftie. And since then I've maintained it pretty solidly.

That's about it. If you've read through to here, thank you🙏 hopefully you found it interesting/somewhat entertaining.

that’s fair! It’s okay to like stuff more at certain stages and super fucking normal of you xx

I will also say that some of the stuff I say on here is probably not super age appropriate for my younger anons lol but at the same time I do try to be cognizant of y’all and idk it’s real life so I also try not to encourage people to do stupid shit. *I* have done stupid shit but that doesn’t mean you guys should. I do sometimes worry I glamorize like unhealthy behaviors and I hope y’all have the sense not to do a lot of the shit that I’ve done 💀

[reckling-turtle]

I keep letting this shit happen to me where I put everything I have into one person because they make me feel needed and I like helping them and I feel special and happy but then something happens and either they don't provide the same level of support when I need it or once they've had their fill of me they just straight up bail

And it sucks. Especially this time where, up until last week, I thought things would get better but now I'm quickly realizing that either they can get help from somewhere else and I'm not needed or they don't want help at all and they're icing me out for whatever other reason. And this was someone who had been my closest friend for 2 1/2 years, who fucking promised me she wouldn't do this because she knew how much it hurt the last time this happened with someone else

And now I'm thinking back to all those times when she was more than willing to take from me and I let her become the center of my universe for so long, bc being accepted and known by her meant everything to me. And I would let her take more and more of my time, I remember her telling me I was all she had and she was jealous whenever I spent time with other people because that meant she wouldn't get a text back from me

But when I tell her I miss her, when I tell her I've been thinking about her and I miss sitting and talking for hours or just getting a fucking like responding to a meme I send, I'm the bad guy bc I'm taking up her time and she's busy and she has a life and she can't be online all the time and now it's been over a week since I've heard from her aside from a stupid fucking post she sent on Twitter about how some friends can come and go in your life and you can pick up right where you left it

So now I'm over here wondering if she's just dropping me right now and thinking in a year or two or five or whatever, when she's bored again and needs someone to talk to, THEN she'll acknowledge my existence

And before this used to make me so sad and question my self worth but now I'm just so fucking pissed at myself for not calling her out on this behavior when I had the chance, not telling her how upset this makes me and how shitty it feels being the on-call friend

And I keep getting up in the morning, hours before my alarm is set to go off, because I dream that she'll message me and apologize without any prompting and things will be okay again and instead I'm stuck here on holiday break, overthinking and getting overwhelmed and listening to sad music and feeling like shit for still caring about our old RP and OCs when I know I'll never get another reply, their story will never get finished, I will always be the one carrying them with me while she goes off doing god knows what

It's stupid in the midst of everything else going on to even care about role-playing and fantasy worlds and all that stuff but it truly became my escape for stress and a way to work out problems for myself through a safe setting but now even that is gone and I just feel so angry and empty

[sweetrebelpersona]

Monday 19th February 2024

You can look up and hope things are going better for today. It was for the rest of the morning until the middle of the afternoon when my anxiety levels reached through the roof once again. I'm learning to control it, but at least it is a better day than what it is before.

Still, look up and think you will fight the nervousness until you can overcome it. I can still fight it before next week.

Work:

Continued my draft soundtrack case study

Took Industry Practice notes

Answered questions from Nottingham-based rapper, songwriter and graffiti artist Kid Acne

Took part in rehearsal and musicianship sessions

Play/Self-Care:

Got a McDonald's Medium Wrap Meal with a water bottle

Took walks all day around uni

Wandered around the Vic Centre shops

Listened to music from piano playing

Anyways, the hardest part about answering questions in a conversation is when you can't answer the question and instead stay silent or go in a mental state. That is something I don't want to do in the future when I am speaking to someone if I feel sad, angry or worried.

What about a lack of common sense in a conversation? Only a smart person should know what common sense means because most people behave with a well-mannered personality with trust, sympathy, kindness and loyalty, whilst some of them misbehave and treat brainy people like arseholes straight from the Planet Jackass. We people should behave well in the creative arts of music, not act out and throw these diva meltdowns on the stage.

Apologies for the coarse language, but I would love to be on stage when I'm not in a mental state -- failure in doing that will turn me into a show-shopping psychopath which is something The Joker would be happy about if he had not been picking on Batman all his life as a criminal.

[fictionzsurveys]

How are you doing today? Alright. I ignored programming homework yesterday and now I have to cram it all in today, but after that I’m going to go watch a movie.

What is the last song you listened to in a car? Probably something from Mitski, and probably Love Me More.

Do you like prefer apple cider warm or cold? Warm.

When did you last feel misunderstood? It’s been a while.

Have you ever visited The Louvre or would you like to? Yep. I’d go straight there when I visit Paris.

Have you ever accidentally locked yourself out of your place of residence? Yep. Pretty sure I had to call a locksmith to get back in.

Do you remember your favorite songs as a kid? Yep, a few. I’d even sing along to This Is Halloween.

Do you currently feel calm? Sort of. I’m feeling that pressure from not calling my parents for a bit, because I hate talking on the phone. But I’ll get past it.

When did you last lace up a pair of shoes? Yesterday when I put on my shoes.

What's your go to comfort meal? Satmeal: soup, salad, cheese, bread, dessert, beer, ice cream.

Do you enjoy cloud watching? I like a good cloud cover, yeah.

Do you currently have any candles lit? Nope.

If applicable, what's your favorite sports team? n/a

How many cardigans do you own? None.

How much is too much for clothes? I’d say it’s relative to income. But for me, I don’t wanna pay over $100 for a single item, and I’d only tolerate that for a good jacket or something. I mostly shop at thrift stores.

How soon do you normally decorate for holidays? I don’t decorate for holidays.

Are there any important things happening this week? Nothing big.

Do you know anyone who is terrified of dogs? Probably. I feel like it’s reasonable to be afraid of dogs.

What scent was the last soap you used? Lemon.

How old were you when you made your first big purchase? Probably 19. I bought a laptop that I needed for school.

What last made you angry? My primary Internet’s been down for over two weeks and I’m getting upset.

What's a color you think is underrated? They all have their supporters.

What are you usually doing when midnight comes around and you can't sleep? Watch Star Trek.

What is your favorite way to eat rice? (white, steamed, fried, brown, sweetened...) Fried.

What color is the top you're wearing? Black.

When did you last laugh so hard you cried? I don’t recall.

What's your favorite horror movie? It Follows sticks out in my memory.

What's your favorite and least favorite fast food restaurant? My favorite now is probably In N Out. Least favorite... Burger King? Their stuff is so bland.

How many pictures can you see in the room you're in? I have none.

When did you last sign your signature? Probably when I paid for something with a credit card yesterday.

What cover do you think is better than the original song? I don’t even know. I’m still bad with caring about song titles and who recorded what.

Are you currently listening to music? Nope. It’s cow hoof trimming videos from my second screen.

What do your favorite pair of pajamas look like? Black shorts.

What is something you've been working on? Programming. I want to change career track and earn as much as I can now that I’m getting into middle age. The way I figure it, I’ll have higher paying jobs until I’m 60, then I’ll have to switch track again to work that I can keep up with in my 60s.

What's something that excites you about the future? Getting into programming and maybe, just maybe, making my own games.

How often do you drink smoothies? I don’t.

What's a TV show you have gotten into recently? Ms. Marvel was good.

Have you ever had to have a tooth cut out? Nope.

When did you last rush for something? Not sure. I tend to plan out my days, and my mornings are flexible enough that I’m not in a rush to get to work.

How many blankets do you own? Three.

Have you drank enough water today? Not yet.

Do you prefer apple pie or pecan pie? Apple pie.

What color takes up most of your wardrobe? Blue.

What makes you feel alive? A good sky.

Who is your last missed call from? Spam.

Do you have any unusual pet peeves? People who want to call me on the phone.

What is a food you think is nasty that most people enjoy? Crustaceans.

Would you rather never be sick again or be rich? Never be sick again.

[9haharharley1]

It's just really funny to me to think that Sephiroth doesn't have any music taste whatsoever because of the way he was raised. Like his exposure to music comes exclusively from other people, but he can't connect with it all.

The scientists listed to classical music exclusively if they listened to it all while he was in growing up in the labs, and I think he would have negative associations with it.

Then along comes Genesis with his indie music, and we all know he owns every copy and has seen every version ever of Loveless, which includes at least 2 different musical adaptations that he adores, probably one more than the other, and he's gonna force his friends to listen to them whether they like it or not.

Angeal probably doesn't have much of a preference for what he listens to, but it probably leans more towards classic rock and what would be the equivalent of 80's/dad rock. Sephiroth can vibe with that. He starts leaning more towards Angeal's tastes without really noticing it, but he can't quite connect to it.

Then Zack enters the picture, and he brings with him the top 40 pop songs and alternative punk. Stuff like late 90s/early 00's mix. It's still not right. Their voices sound a little too whiney, but their words paint a picture and resonate with the feelings Sephiroth has never been able to convey.

It's not until one day he runs into Zack in the Firsts' cafeteria, separate from the other levels of SOLDIER and infantry, and he's sitting with this tiny little thing. He can't be much older than 15. He's definitely not in the SOLDIER program, and he's wearing the infantry uniform with helmet on the table next to his food (far superior than the slop they feed infantry and troopers), and there's a little music player on the table between them. The volume is low, the words indistinguishable, but he's never heard such angry sounding music before. Curious, he walks over and sits across from Zack and the tiny trooper.

The little blond jumps and stutters over a quick salute, Zack gives him a cheery greeting and tells the little thing to relax.

"What is that?" Sephiroth asks, and he points to the portable radio.

Zack raises an eyebrow at him. "What, you've never seen a radio before?" He's teasing, but Sephiroth ignores it.

"I know that," he says, and his curiosity raises as he tries to make out the words to the song playing. "What is the music? I've never heard it."

"I-It's metal," the tiny blond speaks up through his nerves, and Sephiroth's gaze goes to him. The boy squeaks, his face goes red, but Sephiroth appreciates that he manages to hold his gaze.

"What's metal?"

The blonde's eyes widen, but before he can explain, Zack says simply, "It's angry growling into a microphone."

If the scowl his friend is giving him means anything, then Zack is only teasing again, probably over this same subject they've probably talked about before.

"It's not that simple, Zack, and you know it."

Zack grins at him, nudging his shoulder. "Do enlighten us then, oh wise chocobo!"

The boy practically squawks (or maybe warks) indignantly, and Sephiroth has to fight back a grin at the mental image. He manages to keep a straight face, as bright blue eyes turn back to him, a hint of a scowl still on a lightly tanned face.

Sephiroth does not at all expect what the boy has to sat.

"Metal is like... it's like when life sucks and you feel alone and empty. You put on some metal, and life is better because..." he pauses, looking down at his plate. "Because someone else knows that pain and the rage you're going through... ya know?"

There is silence between the three of them as Sephiroth takes a moment to digest that explanation.

Zack throws a dramatic arm around his friend. "Aw, my music is like that, too!"

His friend ducks under the arm. "No, your music is for when you're feeling sad and alone, and you don't know what to do with all those big emotions you feel constantly."

"Ouch, Cloud," Zack laughs. "I don't know if I should be insulted or flattered!"

The newly dubbed Cloud shrugs. "There's nothing wrong with it. Your music is fine. It's just not what I need to hear sometimes."

At last, Sephiroth speaks up. "I... think I know what you mean..." he says softly. Zack and Cloud end their rough housing, staring at him with wide eyes almost as though they had forgotten he was there. "About the pain and... rage."

He reaches across the table for the little radio, the song on it ending and segueing to a new one. He turns up the volume, aware of the eyes on him as he listens.

He listens to the soft opening chords, the added percussions. The quiet build of tension as it all rises together in sync.

Then, there is an explosion of noise, and Sephiroth can feel his blood pulse as the cafeteria is filled with the sound of heavy drums and guitars screaming in rhythm with the beat of his heart.

Their judging eyes watching me

It's all I've ever known

When I try to open up my heart

I am ridiculed and torn apart

Your damn jokes I'll never get to hear

Behind my back at my expense

There's something inside me

And I know it's good, I'm not evil

Just misunderstood

Do you see me now?

Do you hear me now?

You will know my name

Sephiroth listens to the song, unaware of how his breathing has picked up as he states down at the radio in his hands, unaware of Zack and Cloud's eyes on him. He listens to the words, listens to the drums and the guitars, internalizing the feeling of the music moving through him like it never has before, the singer's voice growling in his ears.

He doesn't look up again until the song ends and another is starting, still heavy, pulsing in time with his blood in his veins, and there is something so alive in the music he's never resonated with before. He's aware of the concerned furrow to Zack's brow, but his eyes meet Cloud's, and he notices the small smile on the younger man's lips.

Like he knows what Sephiroth is feeling.

Like he's felt it himself.

"You didn't break my friend with your angry music, did you, Cloud?" Zack asks, half-joking, half-worried.

Cloud just smiles, knowing and smug, and still holds Sephiroth's gaze. He props his elbow on the table to prop his cheek on his fist.

"It makes for excellent workout music, too," he states knowingly.

Sephiroth gives him a tiny smile back, maybe a touch feral as his heart beats in time with the bass. "Can you give me some recommendations?"

---

Maybe I'll clean this up and post it to AO3...

The explanation of metal is from a line in the movie Deathgasm.

The song is You Will Know My Name by Arch Enemy.

I want to write short thing where my faves listen to metal, go off on their boss Aggretsuko style at a company thing, and make-out sloppy style at a concert with a bunch of strangers cheering them on from a moshpit five feet away