#listen... trans men... we genuinely love you and care about you

[dreamyintersexouppy]

"boo hoo this site is so hostile to transmascs nowadays" a choice few transmascs have constructed a platform on harassing transfems, are we supposed to be nicies to them or something??? you are not them, you shouldn't feel threatened by any kind of frustration they get in retaliation and if you have this fear because you identify with them i need you to ask yourself why because they are not people you should look up to or identify with, what they do is just full faced transmisogyny you are not under threat because a few guys are sexist and their victims decided to speak up about it

[velvetvexations]

"Women do traditionally feminine stuff because they are afraid of the men in their lives." Hilarious, because for me growing up all of the worst misogyny I faced was at the hands of other women, usually family and friends, and whenever I caved into the pressure to do feminine things I didn't want to it was specifically because I was seeking the approval of other women. None of the men in my life have ever forced femininity on me the way the cis women have. The people who made fun of me for dressing "badly" and not shaving and spread rumors I was secretly a boy were all girls. I kept trying to get into makeup, not because I wanted boys to think I was cute(all the guys who've shown interest in me have actually liked me just fine the way I am), but because I wanted the women around me to see me as one of them and I never felt like I was.

Even when women aren't pressuring me to do girly things I still feel the pressure because I'm the only woman I know who doesn't and it makes me feel like a freak. I don't care what the men around me think, a guy getting weird about my not shaving or wearing makeup would be instantly disqualified from my dating pool without a second thought, being raised a feminist very quickly inoculated me against giving a shit what men think, but the women? My whole life I have been trying so hard to be one of them and it's still hard work to ignore the annoying internalized patriarchal cisheteronormative bullshit in my head making me think I need to be more like them and less like me. And I genuinely don't know if there will ever come a day when I can hang out in a group of women and not feel like an imposter just waiting to be discovered and killed.

And I know that my experiences aren't universal any more than the person who originally said that's are, but like. It's just wild to me that trans people especially will chalk all of the pressure to conform to gender roles up to shitty men and completely ignore how heavily the patriarchy incentivizes women to not only violently police each other's femininity but also destroy ourselves seeking the approval of the very women who are violently policing our femininity.

EXACTLY.

I love cis women who our allies with all my heart and soul, but we need to stop being desperate for their approval. The cis women who DO care about us would be the first to admit they as a category need to do a lot better, so why do we pussyfoot around them being just as horrible to us as cis men can be?

With trans women it feels like we're just trying to link arms under the exact same oppressive patriarchy because it feels like that's what being a woman is, haha yeah, men hate us, I mean they hate us in different ways and you hate us too but what matters above all else is that we're the exact same thing right? Oh, sorry, like seventy percent of you don't believe that and are violently disgusted by the thought of coming anywhere near me? But I also fear men!

And trans men...

"Women are soooo scared of me, yeah you better cover your drink around trans men too, I mean not that I would do anything personally, but I could, because I'm a man, and that means I could oppress and hurt you, theoretically!"

Listen, bro, most cis women aren't scared of you, they're laughing at you, and frankly so am I, not because it's impossible for a trans man to be a person who's intimidating, but because you're so needy for validation that you've developed a patriarchy fetish you can't turn off.

None of this is to say we should ignore the crimes of cis men or that cis women aren't also another marginalized class, and again, I love cis women who're trans allies, they're amazing, wonderful people and I would never want to leave them behind or seem ungrateful.

[prickly-paprikash]

The Bishop in the first Castlevania season is pure evil who believes himself good. He's nearly every crime and hypocrisy of the Catholic Church distilled into one neat, wrinkly, putrid man. He is easy to hate. He is supposed to be despised and we are expected to cheer and rejoice when Blue Fangs chewed on half this man's face.

He uses god to control and manipulate the powers and people that be. While his belief in god may be true, the church and the faith are more tools for him to retain control. It is glaringly obvious that this man is power-hungry.

There is nothing, and I mean nothing at all redeemable about that asshole.

The Abbott is every conservative relative who genuinely loves you, but is a blind idiot holding on to institutions simply because they are "right".

While the Bishop's character is real, most of us won't encounter him. We see him on the news. I'm not even American (been there once for two weeks) but even I've seen his like on news and media. He's a televangelist who consolidates wealth, clout and power through the fanaticism of his followers. He is drunk on the authority he possesses. His belief in god isn't the point; whether or not he holds faith, the man cares solely about power.

The Abbott is someone in our lives we know well. Your conservative mother who refuses to even show a modicum of tolerance towards queer people. Your father who is buying into the religious side of Youtube and Tiktok. Your brother who has grown up to carry terrifying, fascistic beliefs. Your sister who feels lost and found some semblance of acceptance in a church who still believes women are lesser. Your aunt who despises vaccines. Your uncle who tells you that you should've become a priest or a soldier.

The Abbott, deep down, has some redeeming features. But it's not enough to forgive him for his idiocy.

Ask any child who had to grow up with a religious parent, especially a Catholic or an Evangelical. They fucking love the story of Abraham sacrificing his child to God, and finding a ram in its place.

Evangelicals are bent on this tale. They will always preach that god comes before children. That children and their suffering and their needs must always take a backseat to the word of god.

A trans child asking their parents to understand—their words will fall on deaf ears because god and the holy man told them that 'transgenderism' is a vile philosophy that seeks to groom and twist kids. A college freshman debating with their parents about free healthcare and immigration will be stonewalled because the charismatic preacher said that god will provide. god will heal. god did not invite these foreigners into this land.

It is Maria, begging her father to listen and having her pleas fall on deaf ears.

The Abbott is someone I hate more than the Bishop.

Men like the Bishop exist, but they are few and far in-between.

But the Abbott? The Abbott is someone I share a table with at dinner. He's someone I see during family reunions. He's someone who shares misinformation online, and I see it on my timeline because we're social media friends.

I fucking hate him so much and I hope he gets what's his.

He never deserved Tera. He never once deserved Maria.

[lukazade]

Foreword: it's all just my opinion! Don't freak out! Don't worry! Listen if you want, don't listen if you don't! Discuss if you want, don't if you don't! Awesome! Also man it's wordy I'm sorry!

Ok I know we've talked about zooble trans allegory and yes, agree, however. I think it's also like, something about acceptance and adjustment as a whole concept. A feeling of self actualisation,, or something. I'm gonna talk about masking now!

Some characters have adjusted implicitly to the circus (Ragatha, Jax), some have brute-force adjusted (Kinger, Pomni), and some have adjusted by refitting to their environment as it changes (Zooble, Gangle).

What I mean to say is this hints at their past lives a little more (to me);

Ragatha and Jax

Ragatha and Jax are what I would call perfect maskers. The type who do it so well they fool themselves - the type who have the sort of trauma that just can't be given to an adult. It's entwined into your birthright. Ragatha has always come across as having "eldest daughter syndrome" (if you're not sure what I mean by this, look it up!) and Jax chooses destruction and cruelty in his every play (I know men who do not know how to be Nice to others and can only bully and demean the people they even genuinely like, because of toxic masculinity being ingrained in the very fabric of being A Boy in this world- yadda yadda yawn) (note: this still makes them suck and please don't forgive people who say "this is just how I am" when they hurt you just because of whatever they've been through. You are now going through it for them.) but they don't come across as genuine. Neither of them feel genuine.

Jax wants everyone to enjoy his "banter" and thinks that them reacting is similar to them enjoying. They're partaking, after all. He doesn't like when people aren't playing along with him, but they don't play with him because his playstyle is cruelty. He's compelled to be mean. And he needs you to respond in his language - his language that is obscene and hurtful. And it gets worse as you engage with it, because he's playing with you. And not necessarily to hurt you. Just.. to hurt you. You feel me? It's a game. It's not real. Why would it upset you? Lighten up.

Ragatha wants the same, in a way. She wants to play house (needs to) because eldest daughters can never stop playing house. They've been doing it since the second the younger sibling was born. Perhaps even parented a parent, with no siblings at all to speak of. They start the job so young that they do not live in reality. They're playing house. They're the mother. And Pomni is literally child shaped, so of course she wants to nurture and care for her. And of course she wants to care for everyone, because that's what she knows how to do; she can't accept thanks for it because of course she'll take care of you. She'll take care of everything. It's nothing to be thanked for. And Pomni is her child but also,,, she's not actually. That's not her child or even A child. She'll parent her as a way to show her love, right down to, "she's too busy flirting with gummigoo to be with us, wish someone would flirt with me" (aka: "she doesn't love mommy anymore, she's abandoning mommy and growing up"). We aren't going to travel this path further in this post but if you're a freak who wants to explore it feel free! Heck. Maybe you already have explored it! Life's crazy.

Anyway. They hate each other, (Ragatha and Jax) but they get along because they're both able to, weirdly, find common ground. Ragatha gets to bite at him in an angry housewife way. He gets to bite at her because she bites back. They let off steam by arguing, where he tends to play defence to her offence, when you might assume a nasty rude cruel guy would raise his voice and deny her the right to do so. I won't go further here either because I lack evidence the deeper I go rotating these two in my mind. My evil otp. Sorry Ragatha I think you're a lesbian having weird things with Pom but you're part of my evil otp with nasty Jax because you're parallels of what the world does to its eldest sons and daughters sorreeeeey.

Pomni and Kinger

These two are. They're rotating in my mind. Yeah. Yeah they are, right there. The child he never got to have, the father figure she evidently yearns for.

These two are the type who don't adjust well. They don't mask well. They can't hold it in and lie about things, and when they do they fall apart.

Pomni is in the early stages of a new environment - she can't blend into it all even though she looks the most like a circus act. She tries, but the way it drives her up the wall, the way every good moment is also a moment waiting to strike, she can't. Until the moments she can. When it's quiet, when people are acting normal, when she's alone somewhere and can functionally talk about it. And then she's. Fine. She blends, she matches. She's just in hell, just in the circus. It's okay though.

But there's only so much talking things out can do, especially when you're stuck somewhere that actively traumatises you. Going back to therapy won't stop the bad things from happening, and so she'll loop again and again until... well, who knows! I hope we find out!

Kinger my beloved that killed his wife (?) either beforehand (while alive) OR believes so because he watched her abstract in front of him, and confused it with killing her. Who knows. His real life and his life in the circus are one and the same, he can't pick them apart. Because he never did adjust. It all slams into him every time, he needs that quiet, dark, emotional place that Pomni is still reaching for. But he has accepted that he doesn't fit and can't reach. He's literally a piece from a set. A set with no other pieces. Nobody else is from a set; Pomni maybe counts as part of a Circus Objects set. But she is in a circus. She might be able to adjust with time; Kinger does not fit. Cannot adjust. An outsider who (if we're to believe that was his life, in the haunted house ep) was paranoid and lived away from society (with the one matching set piece that he got to have, his queen). And in killing her, lost his ability to be in a set. To have kids. Uh. Pawns if you will. He has no place, and though he cannot truly adjust, though he remembers himself fairly easily in private (something the best maskers don't necessarily get to have; whew boy let me tell you sometimes the mask feels more real than the skin!!), he has accepted it. He has adjusted. Episode 3 there's so much more in you that I'm not seeing.. there's more I should be able to see.. idk what though. But he knew it was his own life. 100%. Also I believe in ep 4 gummigoo remembered his past life as an NPC v.1 idk where else to say that tho. I'm putting it here I believe.

And now we nearly reach the end! Are you still with me folks? And do you like my informal writing style? Thanks! University hated it! I'm shocked that I have a degree!

Zooble and Gangle

These two literally in canon adapt and change themselves to fit in. They're not perfect maskers, but they're also not the type who can't mask. The perfect maskers need their situation to gradually change, the ones who can't mask need things not to change. But change is in the nature of these two. Adapting is what they do. Gangle literally changes her mask right in front of others (think.. code-switching? I guess!) Zooble offers her a mask she thinks might help. Changes up her limb pieces. They are adaptable. But they diverge.

Zooble steps out of anything she doesn't want to do, anything she can't handle, but this is because she is constantly trying to find the right "body parts." She is so interested in the introspective, in the self, that the affectation of the outside just slides right off her. Jax wishes! She is able to ignore everything because the most important thing to her is her sense of self. Never mind how it fits in with others. Her apathy is only for things that cannot help her - she holds empathy and gentleness deep within herself, and gives it to those who care or relate to her struggle. She isn't close to the Perfect Maskers because they fundamentally cannot understand her (Ragatha wants to just go with it and let each adventure play out and end. Over and over. Something to do. // Zooble doesn't want to be distracted from the self actualisation of finding her "correct" body parts. Adventure outside is nothing for her (literally episode 4 couldn't touch her lmao she just did her job good for her)).

And Gangle. Oh sweet Gangle. Ever the bottom of the dog pile, ever the hurt and wounded one, needs to be loved, wants to be loved, but can't ask. So instead she matches her mask to what the people need (or to a tantrum that perhaps This Time someone will care about, maybe, please). Gangle gets to be in charge in ep 4 and immediately becomes Boss From Hell. This is a person who wants to have attention paid to her, but also who feels undeserving or too unimportant. So when given control, of course she doesn't know how to do it in a way that works. It just isn't in her wheelhouse! And whew, everyone has caused heaps of trouble during the circus, but the one time she causes chaos, she blames herself and settles away outside of the group. But she is trying to pursue a sense of self by trying different masks, trying different ways to fit in. She can mask, and will mask, but her sense of self claws out. Her emotional, sensitive self. Tears of a crybaby are easy to write off. Contentment/happiness are even easier to write off. But uncomfortable emotions beg to be seen and heard. Manic mask(?) was extreme in a way that is uncomfortable for the others, and for herself, as it caused a weird little freaky outburst (like anger, jealousy, etc - they result in choice words and actions fairly often). I said good for her even while I was scared of her ngl good for her for real. She can mask fine, she just doesn't truly want to. She does, to make things work. But it's clear from the beginning that masking is just a gimmick to play along and feel part of something, it's clear she's just aching to feel something real and honest. And, just as Ragatha/Jax and Zooble can't get along, Gangle also can't get along with them; she isn't good at playing house. They both aren't into playing house, they want to express something real, either through correct body parts, or through hobbies (like art).

These groups fundamentally form and overlap where they intersect. There are dynamics that are clear, and dynamics that are untapped. Those who can play house, those who won't play house, and those who don't even know what street the dang house is on.

In conclusion

Shit I'm bad at conclusions..

TL;DR

That sounds less daunting. The characters all represent something to me that I think is cool :) and also may not matter at all in the grander scheme! I am always trying to think of the "what do they want" concept when they interact with adventures/caine/each other. Jax is the most interesting to me because he's the best masker on the team. "But he's just like that" you cry. No~ there's something that does that, even if it's nothing you notice. Breathing in tobacco smoke can still give you lung diseases - even if you didn't smoke! Kinger is my fav though uwu I'm an Ice King enthusiast ofc I'm gonna pick up another traumatised and confused old man he's in my basket rn as we speak.

Anyway hope you enjoyed my writing style, this is just how I like to talk. And I felt it was on theme with the vibes of the show hahahaha hope you had fun - also it's 1am, forgive me if I went off topic like 60 times 🥰 I swear I had something to say!

[voheitmp3]

we just had. the weirdest debate ever? on a video about someone being frustrated with lesbian exclusionists and queer exclusionists as a whole we commented that the lesboy hate was getting out of hand, and that it was upsetting to see, especially during pride month.

someone replied and said “i would love to but 9 times out of 10 it’s used to be homophobic to lesbians.”

i replied with “then block and move on? people don't need to make a big fuss over something that doesn't matter. i'm frustrated about it as a butch lesbian who just wants their label to be respected and accepted.”

they replied with “we should address the problem of homophobia with men pretending to be lesbians tho. butches are fine but when you're a full on man saying you're wlw, you really shouldn't be using "reclaimed" slurs”

imo this is already where it went off the rails. i said “i want to be accepted” and they replied with “but what about men” which was Not relevant. to this comment what so ever .

the debate continued with me replying to them with “i know this is controversial, but if a man genuinely feels and believes that he is a lesbian, he is one. sexuality and gender are fluid, and people are going to identify in a way you deem “wrong”.”

this person replied to that with “so a woman can identify as a gay man? or is it only “labels are flexible” when it comes to women’s labels?”

i replied with “no of course she can? the label turigirl exists for a reason? anyone can identify however they’d like to. that’s the point of what i just said”

personally. i don’t think it’s too crazy or ridiculous to say that. people are free to identify how they want, and rigid gender or sexuality “rules” isn’t going to change that.

their response to this is “woah omg you did not just say that. that’s so disrespectful to the victims of the aids crisis and ongoing victims of homophobia”

which. genuinely what. i have no idea how you would ever get to that conclusion.

i asked where that curveball came from, and they said “from your homophobia. it is a complete disregard of individuals who have been socially ostracized for their identities to say anyone can use any label no matter how they actually identify”

which is genuinely kind of crazy to me. because in my opinion and the opinion of a lot of my friends, my view on labels is completely understandable and reasonable?

in response, i said “you seem to be disregarding my own personal experience with homophobia. anyone can use whatever label they want, because that is how free will works. it's not homophobic to say that at all?” which, because of my experiences with homophobia (i have been hospitalized several times due to queer/trans violence) is a reasonable thing to say.

they send back “how would i know your personal experience first of all? and second of all it is homophobic to say that men can be wlw and women can be mlm when lesbians and gay men fought so hard during the aids crisis to not be seen as monsters.”

although i’m not quite sure how that is totally relevant, i think you’re making people who don’t identify the way you think they should as monsters, or “wrong”, which if i’m being honest sounds a bit like homophobia to me.

i then ask about listening their perspective in dms, to see if they’d let me try to understand why they think oppressive boxes have something to do with how you’re supposed to identify, but they said that “i have made my perspective very clear and backed it with research, like requested. if you are not able to understand this complex issue, that is your responsibility and not mine to educate yourself.”

which if i had to ask for a more detailed explanation, i don’t think they made it very clear, but i suppose we all can’t care about queer people.

i’m not sure how mentioning the aids crisis is the same thing as doing research against my point, but again, i don’t think they were very clear at explaining anything.

anyway, i’m posting this here to break the echo chamber of my friends all completely agreeing with me, to see if maybe i was just missing something or whatever

;; 🪶/\ 🪓

[dukeoftears]

IVE NEVER CONSIDERED PAPYKAARD BEFORE THAT SOUNDS SO CUTE... actually now im curious what are some of your thoughts on rouxls ships/what his relationship experience is like

OhohoHOHO you have come to the right place!! I love rouxls ships here I will list every one I like and why I like it :3

Kingkaard: This can be two things, either King is a doofus dumbass who is annoyed at himself for falling in love with his servant while Rouxls is a self righteous dumbass and it's goofy shenanigans, or... you have the darker, more toxic variant that isn't cute or romantic (and SHOULD NOT BE ROMANTICISED PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK). I like both a lot, I usually go with the second because it gives my Rouxls a nice backstory (and also gives me an excuse to project my own past traumas) (I mainly do it to project) but with the sheer number of proshitters who romanticise it... :/ goddamn I hate when people romanticise ab*se. There is nothing cute about it. I remember I found a Kingkaard fic with that dynamic that represented what I went though so well that I had to take a break from my phone for a while. And the comments? Full of proshitters who found it "deliciously painful and want king to break him blah blah" :/ goddamn that made me take a second break

Getting off my high horse now, this post isn't where I rant abt proshippers or traumadump

Queenkaard: I LOVE THIS ONE SOO MUCH HEHE it's technically m/f in canon but I like hcing Queen as a genderfuck sapphillean and Rouxls as gay so it's achillean in my thoughts anyways X) Queen would take every opportunity to fluster Rouxls and would be genuinely touched with the gifts he gives her as a sign of his affection

oh yeah side note: Rouxls' love languages would definitely be gift giving and verbal affection :3

METTAKAARD: Two trans gay men who KNOW they're beautiful in love??????? I cannot explain how much I ADORE Mettakaard it is my FAVORITE SHIP OF ALL TIME... on one hand they are both so goddamn flirtatious with each other but then on the other you have them comforting each other as they show their flaws to nobody but each other.... oughfhfhf <3

Papykaard: TWO GOOFY PUZZLE BOYOS WHO COOK TOGETHER I feel like this is great in both the qpr and the romantic way, Papyrus would definitely decide to tutor Rouxls with puzzles and from there, Pap falls first but Rouxls falls harder <3 Papyrus would listen to Rouxls rant for ages and the same vice versa and they would cook together, and Rouxls feels so safe around Papyrus because Papyrus doesn't care about rank, or status, or how clumsy and dumb he is, Papyrus loves him for who he is and he doesn't have to pretend to be something he isn't anymore... Honorary mention to Swap Papykaard where you have swap papyrus and rouxls, I started this in a rp with my friend who writes swap papyrus and we actually found it has a really cute dynamic <3 Rouxls would definitely look after Paps when he doesn't feel the will to get out of bed, and swap pap would always listen to his infodumps and it's just CUTE

PAPYMETTAKAARD I love polycules and here you have PAPYKAARD AND METTAKAARD AND PAPYTON AT THE SAME TIME?!?!!! Sign me up!!

Swatchkaard: "I hate you" "I loveth thee too <3"

Those are the main rouxls ships I like, but a few honorary mentions: Seamkaard can be cute with the right dynamic, I like them as qprs especially :) Jevkaard / Nosuit can be silly and fun too, I don't actively ship it but I do enjoy the ship

[spasticspaceshp]

Idk who's going to bother to read this rant but maybe someone will and relate to some parts of it so here goes.

The asexual and aromantic experience is wild when you have nothing but love to give.

For context, I generally don't use any specific labels because it's just a lot of work to explain, but using the more generic ones, I know a few things about myself.

I'm non-binary, polyamorous, and land *somewhere* on the ace and aro spectrums. I only use pangender as a term cuz I'm biased to the flag. It looks pretty, and it's close enough. I've debated if I'm trans, but I'm not uncomfortable in my body so I haven't bothered to pursue anything, and I'm only ace/aro because there is just a complete lack of drive/attraction/instinct whatever it can be called, in my body and psyche. I am a soul in a vessel here to experience things, but attraction is not one of them, apparently.

I'm a sex positive ace though. And I know all the technical terms I fall into but it's just complicated. I don't really use any kind of term for sexual preference, but I know I like men, and can develop sexual attraction under the right circumstances, and I like women aesthetically, but I can't say I'm NOT sexually attracted because I've never been with one. And the weird fear about trying is exactly the same fear I had about men. So ya know.

But I want to love. To be loved and especially to give love in return. I don't make a lot of friends cuz I don't get attached, with the exception of getting adopted, and my best friend who I chose all the way back in 2nd grade. I'm in my early 20s now and her and I live together, so you can see that it means something.

I've also recently started dating this guy who is exactly in the perfect sweet spot of everything I am attracted to, and not just visually. (Who actually cares about appearances anyway?) He's very sweet and kind to me, has a perfect balance of similarities and differences to myself, highly values communication and listens to what I have to say, understands my needs and how I function, and overall matches my energy. (He's very mellow but I'm working to bring out the crazy side I know is in there, lol.) To be honest it's damn near one of those too good to be true things. He's also poly, not entirely cis, and completely embraces my gender identity, or lack thereof. He's devoted and healthily obsessive and possessive and it's mutual. We also completely agree on our stances about kids and marriage, which is that we want neither. (At least not getting married on paper, he absolutely wants to wife me and I'm not mad about it.)

What makes me feel almost guilty, or honestly more like I'm defective, is that he's had all these realizations and transcendent moments that you would expect out of finding the person you're meant to be with. But I haven't. Don't get me wrong, I completely share the sentiments, I want him just as much as he wants me, and the devotion is mutual, I just haven't felt it. I know I love him, I know that I'm happy, I know that what we have is extremely promising and healthy. I just feel like I'm missing what everyone else gets to experience. I've talked about it with him too and he's so very understanding. Maybe I'm just terrified of myself. That I'll ruin it without even knowing, simply because I'm not designed to have this. I also know that thinking that is bad for manifesting.

Like just listen. (I'm also into witchcraft and astrology,) And my literal human design works against some of the things I want. I want to sleep next to him, all the time, but I have genuine trouble sleeping next to another person even just in the same bed as me, let alone within elbow distance. Sometimes it's hard if they're even in the same room. And that fact was literally stated in one of my readings. There's something in my autistic little brain that can't seem to let my breathing match theirs, and it's a natural thing for humans to do, but it somehow drives me crazy. I want to kiss and hold and have sex and all those things, but I'm difficult. Finding satisfaction in intimacy is a literal challenge, even with help from toys or other stimulus. He's been so patient and understanding with that too and it's done wonders for the shame trauma I grew up with, but it's also just frustrating, because I feel constantly inadequate or like I'll accidentally give off the impression that he's not enough. And that's not true. (Even if there's some things he could stand to learn.) It's all just that typical asexual "I feel broken" kind of angst. But it's still a very real experience that haunts me. I'd love to believe that going on T would fix me, but I know it's not true.

Honestly I kinda lost where I meant to go with this. It's very TMI, but he says I feel like home to him, and while I don't think I feel the same thing, wording wise, we both agree that even though it's been almost 3 months, it feels like we've known each other for forever. Please excuse me for being a sap but genuinely I'm like, yah I found it. Cliché romance novel shit and everything. It's been very soft and comfortable so far. I still have to egg him into actually biting me like he means it, but at least I know I'm safe with him. He lets me show a bit of dominance too, so there's not any kind of power imbalance, and I'm so very excited for whatever future we get to have.

Idk. I think I had a lot of other sappy poetic shit to say that I forgot about, but I guess the overall message is that when you know what you want, it doesn't matter if you're ace, aro, anything in between, or nothing at all, you can find the love you're looking for. Have some faith in yourself. You're not broken, you're not missing anything. Whatever kinds of relationships you have, platonic or romantic or anything else, the right people do exist. You just have to first be sure of yourself, and sure of what you're looking for.

Yada yada yada, I'm gonna go take a nap.

[forwomenbiwomen]

Hello! I’m making a compilation. If you feel comfortable, what does radical feminism mean to you, and how would you explain your stances to someone else? What do you do to live as a radical feminist? Thanks!

Hello friend! Excuse me if I'm a little wary, I don't know where you're coming from or what you'll use this for. I'll reply in good faith and hope it's received earnestly ☺️. Sorry if this gets too long to read properly.

Radical feminism to me at first was a massive taboo. I never assumed in a million years that I would think the things I do now, especially concerning the trans issue; I was a staunch defender and thought it was common sense because, quite honestly, I did not understand it. That is not the crux of my feminism though, I just thought you might be looking for it, so I won't focus on it too much.

In all honesty it has improved my life in several areas. It has made me feel like a person, and clear the fog that is patriarchal conditioning. I'm now painfully aware of patterns from men that people take for granted or excuse, and challenge the ways their socialisation has impacted me to feel and act lesser. (I'll go into that in a second.)

As a school of thought it's massively broad, encompassing everything from FGM to sexist infrastructure to LGB issues to female separatism to makeup and beauty standards, etc. so it's a lot to take in at first, especially when you're coming from such a 'normal' background like I was. Women are a massively broad topic at half of the population, so I see no reason why we would have to include males in it to be more diverse. Black people do not have to include white people in their fight against white oppression, do you see what I mean?

Anyway as a result of actually looking into what radical feminism believes despite my fear of being 'wrong' and 'evil' and a 'terf', I have:

Stopped shaving. This seems small but it was an unbelievable change!! I've never felt more like an adult human. I had no idea how much dignity I would gain from just... doing nothing, living my life. I don't want to look like a child, or be in that mindset of looking good for men even in my most private areas/moments. Not to mention how comfortable it is for the hair that naturally grows there to stop me chafing. Genuinely, this was such an unexpectedly big deal for me.

Stopped wearing makeup. I am still pressured into it, so much that I have to cave sometimes, but that just affirms my personal choice not to. If it wasn't an issue there wouldn't be such a desperate pushback. I don't see women's natural faces behind a mask of concealer and foundation. It is full of harmful chemicals and is not regulated for health and safety. It makes you decorative; you can't swim, laugh, rub your face, sweat, hug someone, get rained on, make expressions lest it crease, put sunscreen on periodically, not go in certain lighting lest it look cakey, etc. It costs money that I'm more than happy to use for something else. It costs time that cutting out has meant more time for me. My natural face is timeless, my makeup style isn't, and that's my face that people would look at and think "how dated". I'm not giving money to men who curiously do not wear makeup. Less people care than you think that you have no makeup on.

Adjusted my standards. I am an osa woman and I'm in a relationship with a man. Luckily, he does not do things that I need to ignore or excuse in the name of love. He does housework more than I do, he is caring, loving, romantic, listens when I talk about feminism (I am continually shocked by how little he knows but we're getting there) he looks after his mother and sisters, he does not watch porn (I'm on the lookout tho) and he's very giving to both men and women. All of this meets my criteria for a safe relationship, and I am ruthless about what I will excuse from him. He is the same to me. Feminism empowered me to do that and not feel like a harpy for prioritising my safety and security in a relationship (ie when you should do it most).

Awareness of oppression in wider society. Now we're getting into the bigger picture. More than anything, this has felt the most dangerous and painful, but it has empowered me and I wouldn't change that for the world. I have become aware of the ways men manipulate women into relationships and sex through many disgusting avenues, and I try to warn and raise awareness of that in my own life. I have read many feminist texts, some opposing, and learned things I take insanely for granted, ie that women have different transport needs and roads are built for men, women need more floor space in bathrooms and more bathrooms in general, NOT equal space, cars use male crash dummies, phones are built for male hands, males are the only ones used in the majority of medical studies we use today etc. (READ INVISIBLE WOMEN IT'S GREAT!) I could go for ages in this category but I'll stop it here.

Trans issues. Maybe this is what you were looking for. I do not believe in gendered souls or brains, I think it's deeply spiritual, sexist nonsense. What does a woman feel like? Ask any trans woman and they'll say they feel things like "soft, maternal, feminine, happy and breezy, I want to go shopping and focus on my appearance" as if those feelings are exclusive to female people. I think it is laughable. Similarly with trans men, they'll say they just "feel normal, I don't have to perform femininity and I can be weird and gross and hairy and assertive and it's acceptable" as if those are all male feelings and women simply do not, cannot, think that. If they accepted that both men and women can think these ways with their respective intense feelings, it makes little sense to then say that they are actually the other sex. They have nothing to stand on except stereotypes and the mental effects of living in a society that says the male body is the best body: dysphoria. This issue has come storming through progressive spaces with such vigour that it's hard to keep up sometimes, and with all the drama it's quietly taken away/demonised female only spaces, GNC people (if you're GNC you must be trans, you can't be a masculine woman or a feminine man, fit back into the gender binary. Just look at all the lesbians told they must be trans men) other opinions such as people not wanting their kids to medically castrate themselves/ruin their healthy body with cross sex hormones, etc. All valid concerns whether you want them to be or not.

I can explain things further but this is long as it is. I used to proudly proclaim myself a liberal feminist until I was 17. I thought that it was the only correct, moderate answer, because I was ignorant and had no real world experience. In the real world men terrorise women on a global and institutional level, and women are angry about it. We are sick of being the second sex, and that anger is part of radical feminism not because we are looking for trouble, but because we are aware of it. Feminism has always been radical. If it's not radical, you're surrendering it to the patriarchy.

I am very passionate about this so please do not take my words to be callous. I think my position is right, but don't we all. I'm willing to adjust my views.

[enlitment]

Top 5 lines written by Catullus!

Thank you for the ask (and for indulging me!). I may stretch the definition of what can realistically be considered 'a line' a bit, but it's for the sake of context, I promise!

C 31: Sirmio

O what freedom from care is more joyful/ than when the mind lays down its burden/and weary, back home from foreign toil/ we rest in the bed we longed for?

This one is just incredibly relatable for anyone coming back home from any long trip! It is just as true now as it was more than 2000 years ago.

2: C 99: Stolen Kisses: to Iuventius

you have handed wretched me over to spiteful Love/nor have you ceased to torture me in every way/so that for me that kiss is now changed from ambrosia/to be harsher than harsh hellebore

I've included this line mostly because I love the contrast between ambrosia and hellebore. I also think that there is something powerful and effective about taste metaphors, yet I don't see them used very often. Here, it manages to beautifully illustrate poor Catullus' feelings in this particular situation! (Though obviously, you shouldn't go on kissing people out of the blue. That's kind of on him.)

Poor Catullus, getting rejected by both women and men, left and right

3. Attis

So, rapidly, from sweet dream and free of madness/ Attis recollected his actions in his thoughts/ and saw with a clear heart what and where he had been/ turning again with passionate mind to the sea.

Nothing like the pain of the morning after, am I right?

In all seriousness, all of Attis is amazing. The language (even the translations, I sadly cannot appreciate the original), the imagery, the links to mythology, it's all so beautiful. It's also such a rich area for analysis - I've thought about it a lot, but I'm sure if barely scracthed the surface at this point.

I personally see it as an expression of the fear of emasculation that comes with being deeply obsessed with a female lover (as he was with Lesbia)? I cannot claim any expertise beside having read all of his work and knowing some of the context of his life + the Roman views on masculinity. I've also read a few opinions of people arguing for a possible trans reading, which is incredibly interesting as well.

4. C 9: Back from Spain: To Veranius

You’re back. O happy news for me!/ I’ll see you safe and sound and listen/ to your tales of Spanish places that you’ve done/ and tribes, as is your custom, and/ hang about your neck, and kiss/ your lovely mouth and eyes

I don't know, just something about him expressing such genuine joy about being reunited with his friend seems incredibly sweet. (Also introduces the idea of kissing someone on the eyes which. Um. Seems to be an ongoing thing for Catullus. Sure, you do you.)

5. C 64: Epithalamium for Peleus and Thetis

The Minoan girl goes on gazing at the distance/ with mournful eyes, like the statue of a Bacchante/ gazes, alas, and swells with great waves of sorrow

Again, I just love the whole poem. It is probably my favourite Catullus poem (along with C 50, but they have very different vibes). I find it fascinating that a male poet can empathise so much with the female perspective (which is a bit of an ongoing theme in his poetry). I cannot help but think that he must have personally related to Ariadne's pain, being rejected by his former lover - Lesbia - like she was by Theseus. It would certainly help to explain how he was able to portray her state of mind with such incredible depth and complexity.

I also adore the beauty of the language and the many references to Greek mythology of course.

[drop-dead-dropout]

NEW USERNAME local-queer-disappointment -> drop-dead-dropout

unpinning my other post because i want to talk a little about me and this space that i've created! hi i'm alex and i dropped out of high school twice lol

i think a dni is stupid because people never listen anyways, which is why i haven't had one, but i still see the value in at least telling people who this little corner is for.

also YELL AT ME ON DISCORD I'M woahits_alex.mp3 IF U ASK ME ABOUT FIC RECS FOR MY FANDOMS I'LL CRY WITH HAPPINESS

anyways opinion stuff under the cut. you don't have to read it, and you don't even have to listen if you do, but i might argue with you (<- serial arguer) so if you want to avoid the Discourse here ya go.

you are welcome here:

- ALL queers. trans men, trans women, nonbinary, intersex, poc queers, xenogender, "contradictory" labels like mspec gays/lesbians lesboys/turigirls/sapphileans (omg it's me!!), slur reclaims, detransitioners (who are not transphobic), mspec lesbians, aro/ace and all variations thereupon, unlabeled, questioning, etc. i love all of you. i love the community that we share. we are family, whether or not some of us want to be, and exclusionism is Not Funky Fresh!!

- pro Palestine!! i don't always rb posts as much as i used to (i am scared of spreading misinformation) but i think i'll start doing that again! (don't forget your daily click guys)

- jewish people. i am specifically adding this one to say that because of the shitty Everything, i've seen a lot of concerning antisemitic stuff recently so i'm just, yk, putting this out there.

- disabilities/systems/cluster b disorders/AAC users. i am not any of these things (except maybe plural??) so if i say/do something out of line please tell me! but i love you guys and you're absolutely welcome here.

- proshippers (if this bothers you block and move on)

- furries. not personally one of y'all but i think you're neat and you make cool art :]

- literally, like, anyone, as long as you're not a dick

you are not welcome here:

- terfs, transphobes, exclusionists, anti-mspec, anti-lesboy, and people who think transandrophobia is "fake" or whatever. go away i don't like you (or at least be prepared to be blocked or yelled at)

- similarly to last, anyone who starts queer infighting or hates on less visible queers/strangers who don't "look" queer, the whole "bi girl's straight bf" nonsense (i don't care if you think someone is cishet. you have no way of knowing that. let's stop hating people for immutable characteristics and start having thoughtful criticisms of people's actions thanks)

- ZIONISTS. BYE BYE

- (but also antisemites because come on now let's notttt. judiasm ≠ zionism)

- ableists, fatphobia, racists/bigots, general dickheads

- antishippers (again, you can either leave now or expect to be argued with)

other general stuff:

- i accept anonymous asks! and also non anonymous ones. ask me shit idk

- i am autistic and VERY gullible. if i reblog a "bait" post, or something that's clearly fake or a joke with a genuine reaction, i'm probably not playing some 5d irony chess i'm probably just stupid. sorry y'all i'm trying :\

- i don't rb nsfw. not as, like, a rule, i just don't see the value in doing so lol. if i ever did i'd tag it and probably update this

UPDATE: thought i should clarify, i don't rb nsfw but i do rb nsfw humor, like dick jokes and stuff. hope there's no confusion

- i argue with people!! i enjoy arguing with people!! usually it's in replies and not reblogs but still. if you are allergic to stuff like that maybe don't follow me? i also rb "discourse" posts, mostly transmasc support stuff and callouts of transandrophobia, general solidarity stuff with the trans community or lgbt community as a whole, proship stuff, politics, current events, that kinda thing.

- this is, shockingly, supposed to be a fandom blog! (i got carried away; i always do.) current fandoms include: ace attorney (the one this blog was supposed to be about), doctor who (childhood hyperfixation come back to bite my ass), and splatoon (no excuse). also mha is basically my abusive boyfriend stockholm syndroming me to stay at this point but i'm trying to get better (not). you can find the records of my failing recovery at @alex-is-losing-sleep-over-krbk /hj (i also sometimes shamelessly rb this blog's posts over there lol)

and i guess since i'm mentioning fandoms, here are my fav ships: wrightworth, klapollo, franmaya, thoschei, pearlina, agent 24, & cuttletavio.

anyways, that's about it. love you all :]

[honeylemony]

// vent post

I hate being a lesbian sometimes.

Ever since I heard about bi lesbians and it gaining traction for some godforsaken reason, I keep having to combat my intrusive thoughts. It’s like comphet but WORSE. Instead of them trying to convince me that I like men, they’re telling me I’m a horrible transphobic biphobic terf every hour of every day.

I think about any form of boundaries? “You’re being too strict, just like how strict you are to poor bisexuals. Do better.”

I think about sapphic love? “You clearly are too conservative and exclusionary to deserve to think about sapphic characters. Do better.”

And it sucks, because I’ve also been getting intrusive thoughts about sapphics and trans people who did nothing wrong to me personally. I keep assuming every queer person around me is pro-lesbophobia and I’M in the wrong. It’s terrible.

I hope one day I can grasp that I have the right to think poorly of people who look down on my identity. I really do.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Non-lesbians don't understand what its like being a lesbian. Shut out of access to safety/privilege by not being men and not being with men.

It's genuinely really fucked up that our label is such a battleground right now. It is so fucked up that they're making us defend our safe space. It's fucked up that they disbelieve that we are not men and do not like men. It's like they're throwing back in our faces the ways we're shut out of society. Mocking us because of things we can't help. And they don't listen or care when we tell them it hurts us.

I'm sorry that it's causing you such mental harm. Our community should not be doing this to us. We deserve love and safety.

Please reach out to me if you need anything. Lesbians need to stick together.

(this post is inclusive of trans women. Trans women are women. Trans men are men.)

[luxoraeterna]

not op of that post, but to explain a little on the bisexual/transphobic discourse comment:

you wrote “And more broadly, it demonstrates that the bisexuality that I experience is as gender diverse as the people I associate with.”

the original post was about trans women explicitly, and saying “i like trans women who don’t pass because im bisexual” is kinda saying trans women who don’t pass aren’t real women, or are a third “middle” gender. there’s nothing wrong with being attracted to androgynous gender presentations, but that’s different from being attracted to trans women, or even nonbinary people or trans men or whoever. gender =\= presentation.

i would genuinely recommend spending time reflecting on your perceptions of trans women. i worked through this by following a lot of trans women who talk about how they experience transmisogyny and listening to them nonjudgementally. if you want to be a safe person for trans women to love and be around, you have to do that reflection.

Homie I am literally married to a transgender woman (who loves me like worms love dirt). I am friends with almost exclusively trans people in my friend groups.

We are clearly not having the exact same background or experience as you. Your experiences are not universal, including the things that you think make me a "bad" trans person or whatever lol. I am an adult in a community with other trans adults and we find that expressing sexuality, with and among each other, even in ways that aren't as sanitized or cut-and-dried as you'd like them to be, is a core element of our identity. We are ok with fetishizing and sexualizing each other, that may or may not be a related experience that you understand or practice, but it doesn't mean you're doing it "the right way" and I'm not lol.

In fact, I would argue that I don't like your methodology around the statement about trans women who don't pass. Masculine women exist. Cis and trans, masculine women exist. It's... not bad to be a woman and identify yourself with traits of masculine physicality. I know this is terf rhetoric, but a lot of (not always bad but usually just misguided) young trans people online have "masculine is a dirty word" brainrot. I have known a beautiful bunch pre-hrt trans women who have masculine features. They deserve to be loved and shown that they can be sexy, even if they wish to keep their "masculine" features and not transition, I will always see them as women and they are still valid. I find it a little odd that it seems like everyone starting shit with me about that post assumes that it's because I just don't "talk to trans women" or whatever. I've been helping trans women in my life feel validated with their identity for years. Some of them have higher natural testosterone and have severe gender dysphoria about it. Maybe *you* should talk to people outside of your Tumblr echo chamber to unlearn some of the gender purity brainrot that can and will affect dysphoric masculine trans women around you. It's okay to be trans women and embrace/love yourself in spite of masculine features. It's not good that you associate "masculine" with remorse and badness by default.

Furthermore, while we are on the topic of that post: I wanted to offer a quick defense of myself because that one person effectively framed me and probably has a bunch of people convinced that I'm a perverted chaser or some shit. It looks that way at least. I don't care what these people who don't know me at all think. But I do see how offense could be taken about me "missing the point" or whatever. When I reblogged the post, my tags specifically were a personal addendum to the original text in the post. The first reply on that post, contrasted with the screenshot of my tags, makes me look like a bad guy and I understand that. Yes, I know you can remove reblogs and replies when reblogging a post. I didn't remove the second reply because I didn't want to potentially silence anyone who maybe does have an alternate perspective from the background of trans people who don't like being sexualized. That is my rationale behind a 2-second decision to keep their reply, and I realize now that that was a mistake.

[velvetvexations]

op of the werewolf comic was literally drawing himself, not "detransitioning her". presumably because he, being trans, didnt want to represent himself as a girl. thats common sense i fear

No, listen, it is vitally important we put a 19-year old on blast for drawing a boy in a meme instead of a girl.

I seriously can't stress this enough. This bullshit is all they ever talk about. They don't care about trans women except the ones who are compliant and into the same fetishes, they just want to hurt people and feel like martyrs online. Presumably hate crimes, transphobes legislating us out of existence, and campaign ads directly exploiting incarcerated Black trans women in support of a presidential candidate that wants us all dead, that's all, I don't know, too depressing, I guess? The TMEs stealing our memes and liking Rocky Horror, that's the real danger.

They call me a crypto-TERF because I think it's physically possible for a trans woman to cause harm to a trans man, and yet, I don't see them on any TERF's blocklist!

God, can you imagine not being on a TERF's blocklist? That would be so humiliating for any transfeminist with thousands of followers that regularly engages in aggressive activism!

Are they scared of actual, genuine transmisogynists? Is that it? Are they just cowards? Because they'll release the hounds on a nineteen year old drawing a silly meme where the girl happens to be a boy this time instead, but blogs that actively fantasize about murdering everyone with XY chromosomes, what, that intimidates them?

Or maybe they're just scared of seeing what TERFs actually think since they're so insecure in their femininity they have to pretend transphobes see them as women and only hate them exclusively. If you spent literally five seconds on a TERF's blog the fact that they feel the same contempt towards cis men would be glaringly obvious and that would emotionally obliterate these people. They wouldn't survive. Literally they would die because the idea of one person in the world mentally classifying them as men makes them have a screaming panic attack, which is also why they think getting included in a "hey guys" in a group that otherwise consists entirely of cis women and a parakeet is a deliberately cruel assault on the very soul of trans women everywhere rather than something to shrug off and politely ask to be excluded from in the future. I wish we were teaching trans girls to FUCKING COPE ONCE IN AWHILE instead of insisting that no, actually, you should have a fucking hysterical meltdown over fucking everything at all times regardless of context because no one will ever love you except for other trans women, assuming they aren't tainted by cooties from close proximity to t-boys, and you should never make friends or have sex with anyone else.

And isn't "this person drew themselves, a boy, instead of a girl, and that's bad" at the heart of it? Because just like TERFs, they see trans men as casualties in the gender war at best and willful traitors at worse. Usually both! Men will get "I want to impregnate him" jokes and that's fine, because like, sexual harassment and invalidation of one's identified gender isn't bad on principle or anything, it's entirely a matter of social karmic balance, men oppress women therefore you can do or say anything you want to a man, but like, make sure you only go after trans men, okay, because they might "socially murder" you by making a post about how you were objectively an asshole to them on their blog but saying things like that to a cis man could result in ACTUAL FUCKING MURDER WITH A FUCKING BASEBALL BAT.

[scribe-cas]

hi!! happy (almost late) storytelling saturday!! tell me, what is it about your favorite oc that makes them your favorite?

i usually add here that you can talk about more than one if you can't choose a favorite, but i feel like here i should probably add feel free to use second favorite if you feel you've run out of explanations for why couteau's your beloved baby. alternatively, feel absolutely free to repeat yourself if you wanna, i will listen

HAPPY STORY TELLING SATURDAY (don’t worry it will be STS for me for another like,,, at least 7 hours)

That note shot me in the face seven times /pos and I laughed my ass off so thank you for that

“If you feel you’ve run out of explanations for why Couteau’s your beloved baby”

Oh my dear

Beloved morbo

You have only heard the tip of the iceberg

Let’s see

We’ve covered his shitty sense of humor (he is full of banter and i love him for that), his basic personality, his tendency to murder abusive men (massive plus in my opinion) and a little bit of his hyperempathy-

Okay so tbh. I will dive in to the deep stuff with you.

The reason Couteau is my precious little blorbo is because of what he represents.

He’s just a guy. And I love that he’s just. A character. Like he is so much all the time, and it makes me proud to have fleshed him out like a person.

Like, genuinely. He gets up and eats breakfast and he has a best friend who’s name is Gambit. They’re roommates.

He’s touch sensitive on his back. He likes hugging people from behind.

When he’s being vulnerable, he’ll come up and put his head on your shoulder because his parental figure used to own a cane, making her shorter than him, even while he was alive, and it was easier than hugging her.

He likes strawberry milkshakes.

He can dance. He’s an old man and his muscles hurt but he still plays Just Dance when Gambit takes out the gaming console.

He used to be in the circus.

He died at 15 and is only learning now that sometimes it’s okay to go back to that screaming little girl who couldn’t take the pressure of life and murmur “it’s okay. You did your best.”

He’s autistic and temporarily nonverbal. He speaks sign language.

He likes cold temperatures but warm blankets.

He only does hand to hand combat.

He sells milkshakes.

He’s trans.

He can do a backflip but his spine would snap and crackle.

He copes with panic attacks by laying down on his bathroom floor, a heater whirring, blowing directly on his back.

He leaves red roses behind with every body that he’s killed by accident.

He knows no amount of kindness will bring a person back, but treats each corpse with a quiet kind of respect.

He has long hair because that was the hair the first person he fell in love with had, and he’s got a scar on the side of his head.

He hates himself.

He finds a quiet comfortability in being a villain.

If you tell him he’s beautiful with your heart, he’ll have to fight not to cry.

He spat in God’s face for the person he cared about so much that he changed their fate.

He loves astrology.

Like how am I supposed to exist and not love a person like this.

He’s made to represent those of us who gave up our lives to the people we loved and never got payed back for it.

Someone wronged by the abuse of the world but who has chosen to let the abuse fester because he never stopped and realized he is abusing himself.

And in doing so, is tearing apart others.

He has hurt and been hurt and has turned to rage because if you are a monster, then nothing can hurt you worse than you can hurt yourself.

He tore himself apart in life giving, and is now forced to tear apart others in death.

He sees it as a punishment

But he chose it for himself.

God is simply trying to teach him how to take.

Giving is framed as a noble attribute. And it is.

But not when you have to tear yourself apart for it.

You owe what you can give. Nothing more.

You do not have to kill yourself to bring more to the table.

You are allowed to care for yourself.

It is not an act of selfishness, but self preservation.

He is meant to represent those of us who have fallen from the sky and are slowly growing and learning not to mistreat ourselves so that we will not mistreat the world.

The first book is a horror. A romance, but a twisted one.

Couteau’s story is one of self hatred.

And hopefully, by the end of it

It will become one of self love.

Hope this helps. <3

[aleshakills]

re trans man anon; yeah, that's fair enough.

i don't know if i'd say that the different ways transphobia presents are merely "set dressing" but i understand what you mean about transandrophobia guys denying the more complex roots of the issue so they can cut trans women out of the conversation. i also agree that it isn't its own axis of oppression. it just feels dismissive when people argue trans men face "just transphobia" as if transphobia isn't deadly and dangerous on its own. eh, i can get over it.

transandrophobia guys do this thing where they treat trans women like garbage, deny the existence of transmisogyny, and then go ":( but why don't the mean scary trans women care about my problems too?" it's not that trans men don't have problems, it's that like. listening and solidarity has to be a two way process. it's gotta be collaborative. you can't tell trans women to shut up and get mad when they aren't inclined to listen to you yknow

i think trans guys are more inclined to think being demonized is cool but much more sensitive to feeling like they're being dismissed. i know that at least for me, i sometimes find myself in a position that's like g-d, call me a monster, call me crazy, call me terrible, just stop trying to convince me that i don't exist. and i often find the opposite sentiment from the trans women i know.

hm. much to talk about, and unfortunately few conversations are possible until certain parties get their heads out of their asses. anyway, thanks for the thoughtful response, sorry for rambling. well wishes to you and your loved ones.

See, I do sincerely and genuinely believe that everyone is entitled to their feelings. Which does sound a bit silly to say, but I do mean it. And we should each have the space to talk about the things that make us feel sad or angry or small.

The breakdown I see most often is when trans women say, "Please don't talk over us or be dismissive of our lived experiences," certain individuals choose to interpret it as "Oh, you just want us to shut up and never talk about what we go through!"

And like, after you've had that interaction five hundred times, eventually you just start telling dudes, "Actually yeah, shut up. I am tired of hearing you."

So yeah, the conversation isn't happening in part because a lot of us are just sick of rehashing the same shit over and over again. Cause even if it feels brand new for some of you, I've been in this shit for 11 years now, hearing the same discourse on repeat. I'll join in when there's a new conversation about something different.

[moonshine-aqua]

wait how are you actually gonna recommend "i am a transwoman. i am in the closet. i am not coming out" as like a useful pro-trans guide?

the author of that piece is very clearly extremely misogynistic, and recommending that cis women read it is probably not a good idea, because if they are told that this is how trans women think of them they will likely start to distrust trans women. and frankly i couldn't blame them for it lol.

did you actually read the piece? if not you should, it's very dehumanizing towards women while very empathetic towards men. it essentially confirms every transphobic woman's fears of what trans women really think of them. it's not a good idea to recommend cis women read it, or to imply that it accurately demonstrates how trans women think

Reply:

I would have loved to be able to reply to you personally because I think we got some really different things out of that 'article' and I don't think broadcasting your ask is the best way to respond.

But I do feel like I should respond in case this was in good faith.

I didn't consider the (less of an article, more of a diary entry) as a guide at all. It's an experience. I think it's important to read people's experiences even (or especially) when they don't match up with a general consensus. Especially this one, because it exposed flaws in the way I've thought and acted in the past, which is why I recommended it. I'm unsure where you read it as being dehumanizing towards women since I didn't get that at all. I'd love to hear your perspective because without getting to engage with you in dialogue there is just no knowing.

The general sentiment of the post rings true to me. Things like 'men and boys are not inherently Bad, actually'. Or 'the writer's statements and ideas wouldn't be more true if she came out as a trans woman'. But because they present as male they do not get to be taken seriously or listened to and I think that's wrong. I think it's a fine line because many men do speak over people without engaging deep enough and/or are trolls (which the writer admits and discusses as well). But in close friendships I think it's important to let men speak, to listen to them and challenge when (you believe) they are wrong- but in a way that is compassionate and not dismissive. In a way where they get to question you, too. I also agree with the writer that putting masculinity and femininity as opposite forces that cannot support one another and instead cancel each other out is a really damaging idea that the writer of the post rightfully pushes back on. I agree with them also that making fun of and shaming people for any physical trait is wrong and it doesn't suddenly become okay because the target is a man or the feature is generally found in men specifically.

To me the post reads as a perspective of what it's like to be on the 'other side'. It's a peek into the problems with telling men they need to shut up and listen. That's not to say that it can't be necessary to do sometimes, but I think it's important to keep the nuance in mind. Not all people you view as men actually are. Not all women telling men to shut up and listen actually care whether they are a closeted queer person because they wouldn't welcome them anyway. Besides- men also live in this world and thus have experiences with and opinions on concepts connected to the human experience like 'femininity' and those thoughts and opinions are not inherently bad or not worth listening to, in my opinion. The post struck me as a very personal story of someone sharing what it's like to be lectured about your own lived experience because the other person doesn't even consider it might be yours. In a way that got to me and I felt it was worth sharing.

I'm very curious which parts of the article gave you such a different impression than me. Genuinely. Maybe I missed something. Maybe I interpreted things differently. It's hard to reply to you since you sent me this ask anonymously and I'm not sure what you expected me to do. Re-reading my tags I also don't think I implied this single post is 'how trans women think'. I would be very uncomfortable doing so because, like any group of people, they are not a monolith. I kindof trust that people reading the post can remember that for themselves.

If the blog post makes anyone distrust trans women then I don't think the post is the problem. If any single person's experience makes anyone dismiss a whole group of people I would argue that maybe they need to take a step back. Being empathetic towards men is not bad. Sharing a negative experience with cis women (women this person cares about and is close friends with) is not misogynist in and of itself.

Implying otherwise is a bit of a red flag to me. And assuming you're genuine I'd ask you why you are so preoccupied with whether or not transphobes will get more transphobic from reading a single trans woman's experience. Just because- what? it doesn't fall into a narrow definition of what a trans person is allowed to be? That doesn't sound right to me, either.

Link to the post in question, if anyone is curious.