#listen its 3 am i get big emotions when im tired

[irishmammonagenda]

Hii!! 🧚‍♀️It's Wee Emo anon 🍾

Really liked your last work, so here i am again

Can i request brothers reaction on MC who cry over small things?

Like they see little kitten on the street and - WHOOP! - they're bubbling sobbing mess

I'm kinda can't cry (sounds dramatic lol) and wanna MC to feel it instead of me 😬

Love your works, keep going bestie💐🏃‍♂️

HI WEE EMO <3 please ignore the fact you sent me this on april 27th and its now june i had gcses to prepare for 😔✊

anyway, who let you into my house 😧🤨

no seriously i've cried at multiple south park episodes. south park. sometimes i wanna cry when i see my dog i cannot be trusted i tear up so easily especially when im writing🙁

for not being able to cry that is not very good for you fr:

i used to not be able to cry + still only really tear up, some tears drip down and let out like 2 sobbing sounds before im good again, i dont even have to try and stop crying, two sobs and im done, but my biggest tip is, get tired like really sleepy to the point where your eyes water bc of tiredness then watch something really sad.

i ha to literally train myself to be able to cry again bro dw, i wish i could have a big long cry but like 3 mins of crying is better than none, trust me wee emo you'll feel better

#dontbottleupyouremotions

ANYWAY:

this was very hard to imagine their reactions to idk why, but i tried so 😔✊

grma wee emo for requesting <3 and grma everyone else for reading <3

Obey Me Brothers With a Sensitive MC <3

It was safe to say you were sensitive, back when Melanie Martinez's music was a lot better, you really could say that the song 'Crybaby' pretty much encapsulated your entire being, it still did, but you liked to think you were more mature in your music taste now. (You weren't)

Being suddenly catapulted into the Devildom did a number on your emotions, and you found yourself quite numb. But as you adjusted, and bonded with the others, you found that you were back to your usual self, which was a crybaby.

So then how do the brothers react?

LUCIFER

Great. Two Mammons.

At least Mammon No.2 (you) isnt a tsundere about it.

Lucifer does not like seeing you cry. Even if its because something is cute, (although he does find it quite adorable, not that he'd admit it)

This demon is of the opinion that tears should never disgrace your beautiful eyes.

He will invite you to listen to his records with him and purposely put on sad ones or really sweet ones so you grip onto him while you tear up,

He is a demon, after all. ;)

MAMMON

Finally. Someone who cries more than him!

It actually makes him feel safer around you, like you wont bully him for being more sensitive than his brothers.

Actually ends up dropping a lot of his tsundere act around you.

You watch movies together, but always have to check the Devildom version of 'doesthedogdie.com'

Idk, I feel like Mammon would give you a bit of bother for it at first but then slowly start to like, open up more, because he really does see himself in you like that.

LEVIATHAN

He blanks.

One day you start crying because of how cute the anime you both were watching was, Levi thought you were geniunely upset, so he tried to cheer you up.

You end up thinking that its really sweet and start crying harder.

Leviathan PANICKS.

Even now, he still gets really nervous when you start crying, and has popped into his demon form more times than he can count when you grab onto him and sniffle.

Please he's already so awkward he can't handle how cute you are.

You might make him start crying as well :(

SATAN

Satan 100% gets so angry he starts crying so he can kind of understand it.

He's just glad you cry over positive things :)

His favourite moment was definetly when you teared up over a small kitten. (He took several photos and also took the kitten home)

Like Lucifer he 100% invites you to read with him and picks the fluffiest most adorable romance he can find, or the saddest most heartbreaking romance he can find.

He likes when you cling onto him and look up at him with those big teary eyes.

He's a demon. What did you expect, ;)

ASMODEUS

He thinks you're adorable.

Any emotion on your face is adorable to him actually. <3

If you wear makeup he makes sure to get you waterproof mascara and other eye makeup so your beautiful tears dont ruin your beautiful makeup <3

If any of you remember that crying girl makeup trend? Yeah he deffo starts that up in the Devildom (a) to make you feel less embarrassed about it and (b) because he thinks youre so beautiful when you express yourself.

BEELZEBUB

He doesn't cry a lot, it's not exactly something that comes naturally to him at all.

Its not that he CANT cry or that he holds his tears back, its just that he doesn't normally process or reaction to things with tears.

Only in serious serious situations will he cry.

So when he sees you crying over one of those little onigiri things that are literally adorable, he thinks that you've somehow hurt yourself. (i nabbed this off of pinterest)

Beel panics, and mentally goes over the ingredients in his head, did he order something with an ingredient that was dangerous to humans?

He calms down when he realises that you're crying because it looks cute.

He feels you with that.

Makes an effort to take you to more places with food items displayed in cute ways.

Though you do have to look away while Beel cuts them up for you, otherwise you wouldnt be able to eat it.

BELPHEGOR

He laughs at you.

Point blank.

Originally when he's in the attic he uses your sensitivity as a way to manipulate you.

But post lesson 16, he really starts to appreciate it more.

This bastard will use his powers as the youngest sibling against you, he'll dress up in cute onesies and give you puppy eyes, all to coax you into taking naps with him.

Which you do.

I have no idea how half of these fuckheads would react tbh

[sheyfu]

shey!! I’m here to annoy you (lovingly) hehe! Hope you’re doing well :)

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

mahonia ⇢ what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does?

abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with?

GRAHH THANK U FOR ANNOYING ME (lovingly) I LOVE IT WHEN I GET ASKS AAAAAA and im doing well <3 i hope you are too!!

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

okay so i had to ask my friends for this q bc i actually dont know LMSADOSAOD SO HERE: happy - when i giggle/cackle/laugh and yap a lot irritated/annoyed/upset/angry - whenever my voice goes stern and i become direct and whenever i get really passionate about that topic (or person LMASDAO). basically when i yap with reason tired: - when i become silent and just listen instead of yap bonus: dejected (my favourite big boy word) - whenever they see tears in my eyes or when i become less energetic. they can also tell when i brush it off like its nothing/make a joke out of it LMDOASDO

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

japanese pancakes by fran vasilic!! - ok so to be honest i had to search the meaning of this song bc im actually SUPER DUPER bad w song analyzation 😭😭😭 BUTTT i love how its main theme is the journey to self-discovery and acceptance. and as someone who's very young, i have yet to accept myself for who i am; the struggle to see my flaws as my sunshine, and frustrations/challenges/problems in life as stepping stones to truly understanding my self prove to be difficult, but i believe with enough faith and time, i'll be able to reach that point of self-acceptance :D

mahonia ⇢ what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does?

for this i guess in a place where there are people who have excelled more than i have HUSADAUSHD - not sure why but ig seeing people who are better than me inspire me to do better than them HUDHASUDH

abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with?

earrings! i dont really have a specific pair of earrings that i cant let go of/not wear bc i change them from time to time HUSADUAHD but ofc every pair is dear to me as theyre either gifts from relatives or my mom >:D

AAAAAA THANK YOU SM FOR THESEE HUASHDUYAHDS

[httpiastri]

hi jackie im back and im here to yap

also this entire thing is really disorganised (just a warning)

pepe’s 187 seems short?? 😭😭😭😭😭 also im pretty sure 187 is very recent bc this redbull driver database was updated early this year before the f2 season started (sorry ive realised how insane i must be to know this but i can’t tell if i agree with the measurements because sometimes i think pepe and ollie should be around 190?? minimally!!)

also the girl who edited pepe to guilty as sin is literally so sweet omg 😭😭 ill def make my own pepe playlist soon bc i need it for myself—don’t know if ill ever share it (although i do listen to so much international music from asia, europe, and literally everywhere else so it might be a pretty disorganised mess)

i saw pepe’s pics this morning when i woke up and i ACTUALLY screamed/squealed out loud and now i realise it’s the stubble/facial hair (i kinda think it’s way past the stubble point but regardless of what it is, i love it so so much)

omg also youre so right about liking when pepe shows emotions?? i love him being all soft and sweet but i also want to see him salty and upset and angry like idk i find it so very attractive when i am reminded that he is human?? idk if that makes any sense but i love it when people are raw and so so genuine with their emotions and i also love when he talks about stuff i barely know about because i love intelligence and i love him

and omg feeling guilty about not using the resources you have is so so real 😭😭 my parents are first gen immigrants and im the first child and so i feel so guilty because of how privileged i am compared to my cousins and stuff, especially since i live in one of the strongest academic countries but am still so lazy at times 😕😕 ESPECIALLY since ive had more opportunities than the average student academically because i was gifted but now im there’s so much guilt surrounding not going the mainstream and highest pathway BUT OMG your sport i completely forgot about that but don’t you coach kids or something?? i feel like i have a vv faint recollection of that because i used to follow you from my old blogs but i’m not too sure 🤨🤨 still isn’t it so cool how so many seemingly insignificant things can suddenly turn into such a big part of your life one day?? i find that concept so cool to think about all the time (like in my un-anonymous ask a while ago i mentioned what i was studying and… i used to be so invested in those themes? like it was never serious, i just dabbled in it here and now my career plans kindaaa differ from what’s expected in this field of study but its cool that im getting to experience what i used to imagine for fun and it’s also sort of led me to consider this career path that MANY childhood friends/people who knew me used to think i’d go into, even though i never once mentioned or even considered it)

i believe in karma too!! i think that if you are a kind person and do things with the best of intentions then that will be exactly what is reflected in every aspect of your life. i am also a strong believer that pepe WILL do well for the rest of this season, from this race onwards. i also have such a good feeling about monaco, and it’s not just because of all the pepe content that’s been put out recently… i think 🫣🫣

omg i remember you complaining (?? pls forgive me i have no other word choice rn) about how he didn’t get a penalty, and i also cannot remember if he did end up with a penalty… but i don’t think he did? so maybe he’s just serving unnecessary penalties from last year idk but it’s def his time now!!

and thank you so so much for always replying to my asks!! please don’t feel bad about replying late 😓😓 because it’s vv understandable if you’re busy and you really shouldn’t force yourself to answer asks when you’re tired! take care of yourself jackie, and i’m wishing you a lovely day tomorrow!! 💗💗

- 🪷

hello darling !!! very happy that you wanted to come and yap for me <3

SJDFHDK I KNOW ITS NOT SHORT BUT LIKE 😭 it seems short for him? like to me he seems like suchhh a long boyyo?? thoughhhh im just now realizing that he's taller than my older brother..... but okay let me explain my reasoning: in my head 187 isn't super tall because in the handball world (the world i live in), 187 is like kinda average? the guy i used to crush on is a little over 2 meters 😶 and he wasn't the tallest in the team 😶 but yeah tbh it seems reasonable that they updated it kinda recently. but pleaseeee update the f2 f3 websites ☹️

omg... if you do end up wanting to share it, i will definitely be obsessed...... i have been listening to ☄️ anons pepe playlist way too often to not be super embarrassed over it 😭 but like certain songs come on and i just catch myself blushing on the street because im thinking about pepe and... yeah...... 🙃 and omg don't worry about it being disorganised, a broad music taste is the best one 🥰

yeah it was definitely more than a stubble but am i complaining?? actually not (which surprises even me) 🥰 i currently have a very big obsession with just the thought of his stubbe/beard/whatever... just touching it? don't need to be shaving it? kissing him and feeling it slightly rub me and getting to jokingly complain just to see his cute smile and hear his pretty laughter??? y e s

" idk i find it so very attractive when i am reminded that he is human??" !!!!!!!!!!!! agreed 10000%!!! i love it when drivers have emotions that arent just happy or "well something bad happened, shit happens", and especially pepe. and idk it's something about the extreme contrast abt him? because when he's happy then he's so happy, big smiles and sweet giggles. but when he's upset.... 🫠 and omfg you're SO right about him talking abt racing stuff or yes just stuff i don't really get, because intelligence is SO HOT 😁 i could listen to him talk abt racing for hours and hours and never get bored

ahhhh i see i see !!! i relate to you sooo much... i made it through like all of my years of school just by luck and always managing to get good grades even though i didn't put in a lot of effort? but in my later years, as soon as something got a little hard or i didn't fully like it, i just bailed 😶 even though im so lucky to have all of these opportunities.... :/

but yes i do coach kids hehe 🥺 cute that you remembered 🥺 speaking of that, the fact that i became a coach in the first place was kind of just a coincidence aswell, and now six years later it's one of the biggest things in my life and i'll (hopefully) be studying coaching in the fall and just !! crazy how life works out sometimes 🥺 (the guy who brought me into coaching actually passed away recently and on his funeral i cried much more than i ever thought i would because i realized that i owe him like my entire life... idk what i would be doing today without him..... and he probably had no idea how much he changed my life 😭 idk kinda off topic but also not)... but yes it's indeed very cool!!! and like u said, like when people think stuff of/for you that you don't rlly think about yourself but one day you're just..... oh

yes yes 100%!! i love showing the girls i coach about karma, like whenever we do something kind and then get instant karma for it i'm like "girls look! we did a good thing, now we get rewarded!! 😁" (im making it sound like they're 5 years old when in reality they're 15 oop-), and this one time when i did something pretty bad we all got bad karma all weekend......... 😶 and ik this was aimed at the monaco weekend buT the next race!!!! a good result in barcelona will feel so much better now considering these last few rounds so im okay with this. i know it will happen 🥰

sjdghkdh complaining is an okay word choice because i was upset about a lot of things that weekend 😭 (though mostly during the sunday-) but no i don't think he got one either? it was probs the teams fault so im sure they got a fine etc? but yeah that could be an explanation 😭 100% about to be his time!!!!

thank you so so so much for sending me asks!!!! no but i will feel bad anyway because i do love writing answers but when i answer so late, it seems like i don't enjoy it? when in reality i love it so much??? idk i just feel so guilty and 😭 im so sorry. but thank you again for keeping on sending in asks!!!!! truly makes my day every time <3 take care of yourself too, hope you have a lovely rest of this week ❤️

[i23kazu]

♡ the comfort you give should be returned

summary: being an older sibling is tiring, and sometimes all you need is some of the comfort you give.

warnings: general family pain, a bit of gaslighting (?) idk abt that one

a/n: im not feeling the best rn bc #oldersiblingissues! except that the older sibling is me and im the one whos having issues. am i procrastinating on homework because i need to satiate my hunger for big sibling fics? maybe. shh. i need it and so do my other older sibling people. i gotchu <3 its so so so hard. and yes this is a vent fic

"go away! i hate you, you're not mom!" your younger brother yelled bitterly. you irritating, stuck up brat, you thought.

"i'm not mom! that's why i care about you like this!" you grew increasingly frustrated. all this over a curfew, seriously? dude, all you said was to come back by 10. that was hella gracious already! when you were his age, your curfew was 5pm sharp. anything later and you could say goodbye to that phone your parents so kindly let you have.

sighing in frustration, you closed the door gently, lest you alert your mother that you were in a mood – no, no; that wouldn't do. no door slamming from you, no showing any signs of displeasure or disappointment towards anyone unless you wanted someone to reprimand you for "scaring your younger siblings" and "taking out your anger on people who love you and don't deserve this".

it's been like that for years. 

always being resented by your gaggle of siblings for not being that fun, wild-spirited older sibling that they always saw in the movies.

always getting scolded by your parents for not keeping your siblings in check when in reality, they refused to listen to you.

always needing to pick yourself up with the world came crashing down on your shoulders and there was no one to comfort you when you cried.

no crying in front of your siblings unless you wanted to be teased and judged for being weak when you were supposed to be the glue of the family.

always needing to be the family therapist – parents included, but mostly the receiving side of your care.

years of this. you were sick of it to say the least – anyone would be. years of constantly feeling invalidated and of your feelings put lower than your younger siblings would do that to anyone. i take care of everyone, you thought upsettingly. when will someone take care of me? 

you wanted someone to be able to sit down with you – to talk you through the days when everything felt like too much and you were balancing the emotions of everyone in your household.

you wanted someone whom you could make mistakes with freely. you wanted someone to comfort you, tell you when to stop, when to push, when to apologise. enough about all that bullshit from your end, you wanted to hear it from someone who cared for you unconditionally. not because of a title they held in their hand. someone who chose to stick by you so they could guide you.

those who you took care of in your life took you for granted, because they didn't know how much you wanted the same care you gave.

resent me all you want. i'm just being the person i wish was there for me.

[lemonynuggets]

Hi man, i saw u r going through really bad stuff. Im sorry to hear all the shit u r needing to handle. I wish that things get better for u dude. There isn't much that i can do, but its okay to vent about it sometimes, u won't be a burden by doing it.

Also, u look really happy when talking about stuff u like, so if u want, can u talk about about ur favorites songs from your favorite artists :3

agh thank you <3 but I think it’s ok, I’ve been handling things better than I would like. Last year so! Progress yayy

with the school year being close to ending and some really big things happening in my life just next month (been planning since last year and my gods it’s so close) things will hopefully get better even if just for a few months!! Venting definitely has helped keep me sane too isnxiabzan

AUGH OK SO. Call me the music listener the way I listen to music. Kicks legs twirls hair shall we talk about AJR once again. I’m putting this under a cut for I talk a lot

Karma by AJR!!!! Dude this song. Absolutely evil of AJR to write it from the point of view of a patient in a therapy session talking to the doctor. Like what do you mean what? Am I normal or not? Am I crazier than other patients? /ly

Bonus points to this song because it’s from my favorite AJR album (neotheater) and it really just. Describes a lot how I feel sighh

the feeling of trying to be a good person everyday, doing your best, trying to help as much as you can and feeling like you get nothing in return, feeling awful despite trying to be so good… dude it really hurts…

and I can’t stress enough how much it being a therapy session makes it more brutal. The emotion on Jack’s voice, the way there not being a any lines from the therapist and you only hearing what the patient is saying makes it feel like the therapist really doesn’t get it you know

AND MUSICALLY SPEAKING ITS SUCH A GREAT SONG TOO, I really really love neotheater’s vibe and the instruments and the choir vocals and EVERYTHING it just feels so. Ethereal and kinda works to make it more emotional to me (stares at my neotheater inspired drawing I made some months ago… it pretty much describes the feeling I get when listening to this album plus some personal feelings (this album is so important to me))

I talk about the turning out trilogy, 2085 and honestly just. Every AJR song from the click forwards (not a big living room/infinity fan) but then I’d never stop aindwidba

and it’s impossible to talk about my favorite songs without talking about Love, Me Normally by Will Wood of course

This song is!! What the hell man it makes me so emotional, I can’t even sing it bc I’ll either start crying or performing to it and get kicked out of the building bc I’m screaming the lyrics too loud

Will Wood’s music is all so good and by gods is this song AMAZING, I’ll never get tired of Will’s lyrics and the instruments and the amount of emotion you can feel in his voice always get me so hard and this song specifically speaks so much to me, there are multiple parts of my identity that I struggle with that I feel are pictured in this song so it’s really special to me

as you might’ve guessed I’m a big music fan so it’s hard to pick favorites but these two songs are probably two of my favorites ever

I could talk about music I like forever but I’ll spare you naixbwkxna

[enn0s]

omggggg!!! bruh my idenITY HAS BEEM REVEALED HASNT IT DAMNNN DAMMN DAAAMN!! you know whats funnie? as I was typing I was like "When will be the day I forget to press anon" I...forgot how different the interface is on here...I am sweating lmaooo

I was not ready for this yet OTLx infinite

*i pretend i do not see* (but hello darlin its nice to meet you for real ♡♡♡) ill copy the old message so we can still talk anon if you're more comfortable with that 😊

im sorry life has been hitting like that lately! i know when it rains it really pours so i hope you've been able to find an umbrella and that you've been finding places to rest enough during this period of go-go-go! i bet once you get settled into a school routine your schedule will hopefully be a bit more manageable.

Linguistics is such a cool field! My partner was going to go into that before life decided that she was gonna be an AC technician lol, she'd still like to get back into it and become an interpreter at some point tho! Languages and their evolution are fascinating, i hope you go and get to enjoy it to the fullest! Fuck everyone else, it's your life and you get to go do what you wanna do.

lmaooo its cool about my partner calling me fucked up and feral, shes not wrong and we were saying it in the context that her and her sister were street dogs and im an alley cat, its why we mesh so well even tho we're all very different people at first glance lol.

I listened to your list and im diggin the vibes!!! WOODZ has been a fav in my house for years im always excited for his new stuff. That first EVNNE song is /it/ tho, i really do like it a lot, their voices don't sound like they're new to the game, they sound really polished for how young they are. Idk whats in the water in Busan but thats where bts jimin and jungkook are from too so it must be somethin special!! That Phantom song brought back SOOO much nostalgia lol it was everywhere for so long and i hadnt listened to it in a hot minute. 2Pac and Limp Bisikit too, still holdin it down after all these years.

whewww this took so long lol top 10 songs /IS/ a hard question to ask! every time i would lock in a list i would come across another song i wanted to add but for the moment i think this is a pretty solid personal soundtrack.

1. Snooze - Agust D (this is Suga from BTS' solo work and it hit me like a fuckin bus the first time i heard it, hes been my guy since their debut and they've gotten so astronomically huge compared to where they started, it kinda gives me whiplash sometimes and ive just stopped interacting with the fandom as a whole besides my little group chats with my friends bc it just got Too Big but despite all that he's still putting out music that touches my soul and aims to comfort the lost and tired and i just... i love him idk)

2. Bleed - Epik High (love these old dudes, my friends call them my kpop dads and this song in particular is a fan song but they've taken bits and pieces from the track and remixed it into new songs over the past few albums which is just a super cool auditory experience for me)

3. Dancing With a Stranger - Sam Smith & Normani

4. Just Pretend - Bad Omens

5. Pensamientos Intrusivos - Kali Uchis

6. Flip Flop - Megan Thee Stallion (its definitely one of her more lowkey beats and a sad ass song but i just. i love her so much and im so proud of her for keepin it pushin)

7. Que Maldicion - Banda MS, Snoop Dogg and Becky G

8. The Sharpest Lives - MCR (i know this album front to back lol)

9. Not Worth It - Emotional Oranges

10. Pied Piper - BTS (sorry for all the infodumping about them but id have to make a whole other list if i got into their discography lol. for the moment this one just jumps out at me as a fav and a vibe)

I hope you enjoy if u get a sec to listen to any of it!

im sending you good vibes goin into your new semester and that your phone stops actin up! its always so frustrating like... u have one job, please work 😭

wishing you good days ahead and time to yourself to recover ♡♡♡

talk to ya next time!

(prev message under the cut for ref ♡)

--

I sliding through wild, rowdy and funky

D. Racc here once again 🦝✨💨

I hope you didn't forget about me because I didn't forget about yoo hoo~ Since our last talk, I have to admit…if God, gods, or some all mighty force exist, they're giving me a run for my mental and physical health this year, but I am alive and unharmed just…life is LIFING right now But! I will be going back to college this year and I am going to study linguistics. I find it funny when people ask what I'm studying and they reply with an underwhelmed response. No worries though, it just gives me the drive to go toward it even more. I have been getting out of the house often and trying to take care of myself, but I will say its hard to keep consistent with constant setbacks. How's things going on your end?

I totally understand not being able to turn a hobby into a career. I admire those who do, but also respect those who keep it as a hobby because doing it for work will definitely dampen motivation in my opinion. TY TY for the recognition, same goes to you too!  because it is VERY hard to actively stay tuned in into hobbies or interests when you're an adult in this day and age. I get you there though loool I hate being told what to do as well even for regular work. At this point I know I need to be my own boss or work under someone sensible which..for some reason, it's rare. But I get you, I started to learn a little late that, even the smallest doodles count as art or even progress. And us as an artist, decides when a piece is done. There's a lot of delusion when it comes to art and as I grew older I realized all these standards are made up! I can art any way I want too! art snobs can eat iiiit~

Awww I'm glad someone who isn't a fan (well YET! hopefully lol) truly recognizes a group or artist's talent when they are actually talented. One of the members, Seung Eon, vocals reminds me of Daehyun's. Saw that he is also from Busan. Them Busan boys got some PIPES! on them. I don't know why it gives off opera potential. Daehyun being in plays just proves it. But man…do I feel your pain. I can't bring myself to support a group when the youngest of the group is like 15. And no offense to those who do…but I have a liiine. Youngest member in EVNNE just turned 18 and the oldest Keita, recently as well, turned 23. This is the only group I stan right now and have been trying to look for more groups 21+. I've seen a couple debuts and took notice of some groups I never got to look into since I dropped the fandom. HOnestly thoough…once again..they are my new B.A.P loool! I don't know how people multitask affection. They are literally the only ones in my EYE VIEW. I do wish them big success on top of healthy, free lives, but I will say I love smaller fandoms. It's much more intimate and less toxic, but I do want the boys to get their moneys worth lool. All that work? Yeah they deserve all the love.

I love K-pop when it comes to the music and culture, however the standards and fan culture honestly turned me off even to this day. It's hard to support the industry with all the twisted shitake mushrooms that go on especially in the background.

ahhhhh! the dreeaded questiiion lool! not in a bad way it's just…so many y'know? and sometimes I forget a song is my favorite until it comes on shuffle again. No specific order, just some off the top of my head.

SUN OR SUCK -WOODZ (fell in love and discovered this man's music late last year I feel like I missed out too, but when he comes out of enlistment!? going to see his first show once he comes overseas, so talented and such a sweet person)

Badder Love -EVNNE

XO -EVNNE

IXLU - BYG (!!! are you prepared for B.A.P's farewell comeback?? they look like classic men, very nostalgic, almost makes me want to draw)

Hole In Your Face -PHANTOM

Do You Wanna Taste It -Wig Wam (Peacemaker put me on)

One Look- Leo

All Eyes On Me -Tupac

Stay With Me - Yoo Young Jae (ft. Zelo) (I don't know why this song always brings a smile to my face. It's one of those songs if serenaded I will combust)

Break Stuff- Limp Biskit

I was fighting so hard to keep it at 10 loool. Sorry it's mainly K-POP, it's really been taking over my radio ;; What about yoou~?

Yeeees as you should've. You already knooow! Tevin Cambell? amazing singer. Stand Out as well…//chef kiss of the divine. Shrek is important to the culture. I know this is somewhat unrelated…but since he's the voice of Shrek, I LOVED Austin Powers. I did not know that man was a constant in my childhood along with Jim Carey. The Mask is amongst my favorite childhood movies.

HAaaaa..I'm sorry but that's so funny. Not him calling you a  jacked up and feral ahhh..that's love right there. Tiger + Stray = I bet fierce and majestic on the outside, but natural, wild and free on the inside..maybe a little crack-headedness but hey! that's their charm haha!

TY x3 for wishes of good quality Zzzs N' Meats! I will do my best! Hope you've been well and stay well.

Until next time! D. Racc City OUT! 🚪🦝✨ _💨💨

P.S. My phone is completely inoperable ;-; on my computer like a old head lool I joke. Nonetheless, we will talk as soon a possible ciao ciao and take care

[chronicbloodynoses]

honestly mbikmb is actually me rn

the drum - i feel such a depressive cycle everyday and im not getting fucked up bc i cant w my situation but if i could i prob would b!

happy news 4 sadness - my ex lied 2 me constantly + my perception of love is actually so fked up after him and i constantly tried 2 change myself and use sexual stuff for him 2 love me (he treated me like shit and then convinced me i wanted too much from him)

sunburned shirts - honestly i see this as a nostalgia where it ends up not being what you remember, he used 2 look at the sun and he thought of it fondly, but it hurt more than he remembered

stoop kid - its me! im stoop kid! ive been so conditioned to my mother's baby-ing and when i try to be independent im not allowed and then i get yelled at for never helping out and im terrified to leave bc shes constantly saying that i'll fail completely on my own! also in my later "growing up" yrs i watched hey arnold LOL

something soon - i feel so strongly abt this song. trying to do things to keep from losing it + cutting off my hopes bcuz i feel incapable, i feel like the only way i'll ever b seen is to cause problems! break shit! my mother talked a whole bunch of shit about my dad so now i'll never ever see him the same despite him never actually doing anything to me! i both fear and hate him and miss him and wish i had a dad!!!!! treating what im going through as the past to keep myself from focusing on my problems so i dont kms!!!! wanting to hurt myself to have some reason to be upset!!!! wanting to express my emotions but never being able to!!!! if i cant feel better soon then im actually gonna lose my shit GENUINELY! i am completely unable to tell my mother anything bc either it has to do w her and she can do no wrong or its my fault how i feel! (fun fact- i got yelled at in eighth grade 4 listening to help let me go danny gonzalez bc of the kidnapping a girl part and my music is "too dark" LOL (she threatened to send me to a mental hospital on the same car ride to school)) this town is freezing cold!!! i need out!!!!!!! im not allowed to do laundry and my mom barely does it and acts like if i literally have no underwear then its the hardest thing in the world and i have to wait til bc shes constantly too tired (girl i just wore my last pair and im NOT wearing the ones with holes in them) wanting to be somethig more and never feeling content. ignoring my problems w content and procrastinating to complete guilt, i want to leave n sneak out (i literally could ive snuck someone in multiple times b4 LOL), if i dont romanticize what im going through i'll ACTUALLY fucking lose it (im already inching toward a breaking point xP) i hate this house!!!! ive grown up in the same butt fuck nowhere town in the same horrible traumatic house!!!!!!! i need!!!!!!!! to escape!!!!!! so bad!!!!!

guys we're halfway through the album LOL

no passion - this song is actually so depressed dancing 4 me but i honestly dont really listen 2 this one much n think abt the lyrics so no comment VERY EXTREMELY sorry for no passion fans i WILL think of u and listne 2 it more

father, flesh in rags - i love/hate this song honestly, like it kinda reminds me of my ex (scoliosis! his relationship w his dad was a big problem of our relationship!) thats all u get it kinda hurts LOL not in a way of missing him but i get really upset thinking abt all the shit i put up w and forgot abt bc of my SEVERE case of rose coloured glasses

strangers - im actually wanting to create are 4 this song LOL anyway this song is less specific 4 me (honestly i burnt out from something soon LOL) but i too am not gonna last much longer! im sofa king sick of it!!!! all of it!!!!!!

lawns - its okay will my dad left too <3

pow - fun fact my great grandpa was a prisoner of war! he was taken while he was in a plane over russia and there he learned the language in his 3 years there n idk if he escaped or was let go but hes honestly such a cool guy like! love him but he died when i was really young so i didnt get much of a relationship w him but if i was a great grandparent i'd be really happy 2 meet my great grand kid so im really happy i got to meet him

open-mouthed boy - i too call god a SHIT and then scamper off

ne way im so obsessed w car seat even if i dont have much to say and im just saying a bunch of nothing burgers i have so much appreciation for everything car seat headrest has done even w the songs i dont like (im looking at you hymn and famous) i know somewhere other people like them n are also so affected by car wseat and its just like wowzerz! love this band sofa king much! cant wait to see them live in june!!!!!

[7woforjoy]

I hate the fandom everyday for creating the phrase shelbald like it runs through my head daily I cannot see bald shelby without thinking about it and losing it just a little. I cannot express the physical response the phrase gives me I dont know if I’m laughing or cringing from it I just dont know.

[hoonhrt]

ENHYPEN AND THE WAYS THEY SHOW LOVE

: pairing — boyfriend! enhypen x reader

: genre — super soft and fluffy

: a/n — i am writing a jay au atm but im feeling a little unmotived but i also didnt want to leave you guys starving so here hehe i hope you like <3

･:*:･ﾟ☆ lee heeseung 

making you laugh. 

we all know heeseung is the official comedian of enhypen (according to the boys) 

seeing you laugh is heeseungs absolute favourite thing in the world. 

he could listen to you laugh for hours on end and never get tired of it 

it brings him so much happiness and warmth 

so ofc his number #1 goal is to make you laugh

he constantly makes jokes and sometimes gets clumsy on purpose just to hear those precious laughs of yours erupt from your stomach 

he closes his eyes sometimes and relishes in the sound of it, realizing that this giggly version of you is his favourite version 

he adores your laugh and shows his love for it by making you laugh all the time 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jay park 

cooking for you. 

we also know that jay is the official chef of enhypen  

he would always cook food for you at any given time when he has free time 

you’ll always have a fresh cooked meal on the table waiting for you, especially on your rough days 

he just approaches you with a big smile and a plate full of food 

scolds you if you don’t eat meals on time 

eating out as a date?? pshh whats that?? its a ‘stay-at-home-and-spend-time-together-making-dinner-together’ date 

he just loves seeing your cheeks swell up while you eat and your little tiny reactions you make when you eat his food 

it makes him feel so accomplished to seeing you eating 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ jake sim 

writing you notes. 

i feel like jake has a little bit of a hard time expressing his emotions face to face  

so he conveys his love through notes! 

whether it be love letters or just sticky notes posted around your home 

there will always be a note waiting for you the next morning when you wake up 

he leaves them EVERYWHERE 

on the bathroom mirror, on the fridge door, on the back of your front door 

usually they’re little notes of encouragement or reminders 

“date night tonight! dress cute! (youre always cute so dress however you please)” “ill see you later pretty, love you hehe~~” 

jake always feels like there arent enough ways to physically tell you he loves you 

again, he also feels a little awkward telling it to your face 

so he leaves these notes in the hopes that they can at least convey 1/3 of his love for you (they do) 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ park sunghoon 

listening attentively. 

kind of like jake, sunghoon has difficulty expressing his feelings 

he also gets really shy with words 

so he opts into listening to you, always. 

literally anything and everything, he will ALWAYS make sure that he is listening to you 

even if youre just ranting, he will stop whatever he is doing and listen to you 

always asks you how your day is going 

also just loves the sound of your voice, can hear you talk all day long if you would let him 

your voice brings him safety and security. 

he just wants you to know that youre heard, and that your opinions and feelings are not being tossed away 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ kim sunoo 

playing with your hair. 

so sunoo has stated many times that he loves doing peoples hair and if he werent an idol, he’d be a hairstylist 

so he’d love playing with your hair 

and he realized that you rest well when he does play with your hair 

SO HE DOES IT ALL THE TIME

youll just be sitting next to each other and he’ll mindlessly do it because he knows you love it so much 

he also loves messing around with hair 

it makes him so happy that you let him play with your hair because not everyone does 

its also YOUR hair which makes things even more precious to him 

he just does it aimlessly so you feel relaxed and he loves seeing you relaxed 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ yang jungwon

giving you praise. 

aside from teasing the others, jungwon praises his members so much 

you may not be his member but you are just as important to him 

so he is constantly telling you how amazing youre doing and how proud he is of you 

jungwon knows that hearing genuine words when things just dont seem right is the best feeling 

he also knows that hearing genuine words when things are going great is the best motivation 

so he gives you praise without needing to know exactly how you are feeling because regardless you’ll feel better hearing his words 

you love his praise because you just feel so so loved and jungwon realized this 

tells you he values you all the time to remind you that he loves you (tb to en-connect lols cries) 

･:*:･ﾟ☆ nishimura riki 

making you things. 

now ofc riki is young so there isnt much he can buy or do as a kid 

but he knows that you love making bracelets and wearing them 

so he’ll take time to buy all the things he needs to make them and learn how to make them 

makes cute ones with his name on it so you have him with you always 

packs them super nicely and gifts them to you 

and the smile on your face is priceless to him 

he shows his love by taking interest in the things you like 

so this can go for anything, cooking, baking, knitting, playing games 

he wants you to know that your excitement for things makes him happy so he will take time to learn how to make/do things for you 

[og-danny-dorito]

hey !! i wanted to request a match up with anyone from class 1a of mha

pronouns: she/her or they/them

age: 17

sexuality: omnisexual

mbti: infj-t

personality traits: blunt, emphatic, calm, reserved, both emotional and logical, passionate, altruistic, reluctant to open up, perfectionist, stubborn

love: cats, horror movies, drums, working out, reading, painting, physics, dancing, spicy food, lemonade, making poems, music, listening to social research podcasts (different perspectives over certain trends and/or issues), basketball, volleyball, running

hate: sweet food and drinks, car rides

appearance: i am 5'0ft, brown hair (mid- length), brown eyes, small oval face, spectacles cause weak eyesight (not too weak), brown skin, hourglass body, weight around 45kg

a lil more about myself: i can make friends pretty easily, i love teasing the people i love and getting really sarcastic with em, it's easy for me to adapt to people and the environment, i love taking walks, i love kids and animals and get along with them really well, i can learn new skills pretty easily, i know 3 languages, m touch starved and also suffering from severe anxiety and depression.

thank you in advance, have a pretty life like yourself <33

omg thank you sm!! im so sorry this took so long to answer, but thank you for your patience!! i hope u like them <3

ɪ ꜱʜɪᴘ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪᴛʜ… ʙᴀᴋᴜɢᴏ ᴋᴀᴛꜱᴜᴋɪ!

ᴛᴡ: none!

look im gonna keep it real with you i hate bakugo but ill do this 4 u dont worry <3

ITS LIKE. i kinda view yall as an opposites attract sort of thing i think

you share some traits with him but for the most part you're a good balance to his otherwise explosive (lol) personality

you tease him a lot and it gets on his nerves, but he also knows that you can take it if he teases back (he knows not to overstep his boundaries though)

you also seem to like,, innately understand the emotions he's trying to portray even though it seems like annoyance most of the time. like if he's tired or sad you know that him being snappy isn't just him being shitty and you make sure to try and help him as best as you can and he really appreciates that out of you

in turn he's like, really protective over you considering you mean a lot to him

he admires you a lot too, since you seem to be a very balanced and intelligent person and he genuinely feels like he can learn a lot from you

that means that you're usually right when it comes to arguments though and he doesn't like that

both of you being stubborn means that you're not willing to quit when worst comes to worst, but you're able to move past arguments through talking them out

considering his family situation i feel like he has in issue with discussing things, but he gets better at it since he's too stubborn to break up with you and ruin a good relationship

EVEN THOUGH I DONT LIKE HIM i know for a fact that he tries his best to be better if he cares enough and he most definitely cares enough about you to change shit that would put a strain between you

like i feel like he has issues with physical contact since he didn't receive a lot of affection as a kid so he tries his best to be affectionate with you even though it's a process to get used to

he really likes it though!! it just takes him a while to get over the embarrassment from it so i feel like in the beginning he wouldn't be a big fan of PDA LMAO

as he gets more accustomed to it he just starts being more aggressive towards people that give you weird stares, but no matter how long yall are in a relationship you'll always be able to catch that little blush on his cheeks when ya'll hold hands in public

ALSO LAST THING. since yall share a lot of interests he probably finds it easier to find ways to spend time with you, even though he does in fact go out of his way to do things you're interested in. he'll deny it until he dies tho lol

[ ᴛʜᴀɴᴋꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛɪɴɢ! ꜱᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇxᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ <3 ]

[ancientwastedlores]

Undone by “Darling”

REQUEST (from @november-solarstorms​): Celebrating another year of this earth being braced by Tom Hiddleston's presence! Lol. Might I make a prompt request? I feel as though it would be interesting to read from Loki's POV to explore the dynamics between him and a human female who is just as intelligent as he. She has a sharp wit and even sharper tongue. Her sarcastic and clever nature enable her to out-banter Tony Stark, the king of snark himself (may he rest in peace). But she is also just as flirtatious and salacious. She never blushes, never falters, and is incredibly clever. You can decide the nature of their encounter. Really im just in it for a good game of cat and mouse.

A/N: Okay, I had SO MUCH FUN writing this!! And yeah, this will run a bit longer than my usual fics lol. Also, there IS a Loki POV, just keep reading thaaanks <3

WARNINGS: none. 

WORD COUNT: 1,932

____________________________________________________________________

Undone by “Darling” 

17 hours and 6 white chocolate mochas later, it was finally ready - an upgraded version of Corvus Glaive’s glaive, this one spec-ed out to your fancies and requirements. It was a beast, and definitely not something Nick Fury would ever let you play around with, even if you made it. 

Satisfied with your work, you remove your safety goggles and grin at Stark, who is working on his own weapon he scavenged from the Black Order. 

‘I’m done!’ you say triumphantly, causing him to look up and groan.  ‘How did you finish before me!?’ he lowers his glasses and looks at your weapon.  ‘I’m smarter’ you say.   ‘I went to MIT’  ‘And I didn’t, yet here we are, both in the same lab’. 

He shakes his head, not unlike a petulant child, causing you to laugh. 

‘How far along are you?’ you ask.  ‘Still running diagnostics’.  ‘Still!?’  ‘Have you seen the size of his hammer?’ he gestures to Cull Obsidian’s chain hammer on his work table, but the innuendo doesn’t escape you and you grin at him. He facepalms. ‘Y/n, for god’s sake...’  ‘You’re just tired, or you’d appreciate the joke too’. 

You stretch your weary body and let out a deep breath. You’d test the weapon out tomorrow, but for now, you need a nap. 

‘Take a load off, Stark. Hammer’ll be there tomorrow’.  ‘Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t you...’ he puts his goggles back on and get to work. 

xx

Loki’s POV: 

Humans are surprising, but I always knew that. I never thought them boring, even if my brother says I do. Humans are of so little power but such incredible resilience that it’s frankly astonishing. I am inclined to believe that sometimes resilience is just stupidity... in most cases, I am right. But that’s not to say I haven’t come across some truly brave people. 

Take the Avengers Tower, for example. 

Just in here, you have Y/n, a brave soldier with the mind of an intergalactic scavenger, and I do mean that as a compliment. She’s awfully clever, she can build better than Stark, and has a track record of finishing every mission to perfection and before time. And then you have the Super Soldier Steve Rogers, a big muscled, big hearted idiot who often mistakes challenging our enemies for bravery and morality. 

The two couldn’t be more different, but they get along like siblings. Not siblings like Thor and I... better adjusted, perhaps. 

They sit in front of me, talking about some mission while they play Chess. Her moves are quick but calculated, his take more time because he’s more interested in telling his story than playing the game. 

‘...so there I am, no weapons, no shield, bang in the middle of the Serpent Citadel...’ 

He’s a good storyteller, I’ll give him that. But not as good as Y/n. She paints quite a picture, full of delicious gory details and horribly dark jokes. 

‘Steve, you have to pay attention, you’re losing’ she says.  ‘Yeah, I don’t actually know how to play chess, I just wanted you to listen to my story’. 

She looks up at him, almost offended. ‘STEVE...’  ‘Cool, I’m gonna go wrap Stark into a game of Battleships and tell him about my fight with Copperhead’. 

She laughs as he leaves the room, and she puts the chess pieces away. 

‘We could play?’ I ask her.  ‘Is the God in a mood to lose?’  ‘Over confidence isn’t attractive in anybody’. ‘Oh darling, neither is telling someone what is and isn’t attractive’. 

She’s never called me that before, and in the context it should seem cutting, but it isn’t. ‘Darling?’  ‘Problem?’  ‘It’s quite a term of endearment to set someone straight’. 

She says nothing. 

‘Cat got your tongue?’ I tease her. She only smiles and continues putting the pieces away neatly. Stark’s chess set is gold and black, all individually carved pieces. The pawns are all Iron Man suits, but that’s to be expected. She handles them with the care Stark would. 

‘I mean...’ I continue, ‘honestly, if someone heard, they’d never let you live it down’. 

And she carries on, unbothered. 

‘Y/n!’  ‘Oh dear, look at you come completely undone with just one term of endearment’ she comments, shutting the chess set. ‘Whatever would happen if I held your hand?’ 

The very thought of it seemed to drain my brain of blood. I unwillingly glanced at her hands, working the lock mechanism of the box, her blue veins prominent. 

‘Cat got your tongue?’ she asked. 

I stood up, the human emotion of embarrassment becoming too familiar for me. ‘I’ll have to see you at lunch’.  ‘Sure, darling’. 

Oh, I hate how she’s enjoying this. 

----------

The next day, Y/n booked a training room to test out the Glaive, and Stark had a rusty but working chain hammer. Steve insists on trying it out anyway, and now our breakfast is being spent on discouraging him from doing that. 

‘Guys... if nothing else, I’ll still have my shield. Let me test it out!’  ‘Y/n’s glaive cuts through Vibranium, you know that, right?’ Stark says.  ‘Y/n wouldn’t do that’. ‘Oh yes she would’ Y/n says nonchalantly as she sinks her teeth into a bacon and egg sandwich. 

As she does, the yolk runs down her fingers. She makes a sound at the inconvenience and sets the sandwich down, then grabs a napkin. I’m hardly ever crude, but the energy it took not to take her hand and lick off the yolk myself could burn every star in the galaxy. 

Captain America scrunches his nose at her remark, severely offended. 

‘In any case, that shield barely covers your giant body. It will force Stark to make you a new one’.  ‘What do you care about his giant body’ Stark says.  ‘It’s America’s ass, Tony’ she takes a sip of her iced coffee. Steve blushes, and Tony rolls his eyes. 

----------

The training facility is magic, of course, somewhere between a mirror dimension and Wanda’s reality powers creating a safe cocoon inside the building so no one can be harmed. Y/n hardly trusted anybody to fight with her except Thor, but given the nature of Corvus’ Glaive, she knew magic would be required. 

And so she called me. 

After getting into my battle armour, I stepped into the facility, equipped with my sceptre and the teachings of the witches of Asgard. 

She whistles as I walk in. ‘Trying to distract me from killing you?’  ‘Are you?’ I ask. She’s dressed in a black bodysuit, details of purple in her belt and weapon harnesses.  ‘Why yes, I am. Glad you noticed’. 

The glaive is on the floor, and she stomps her foot on one part of it so it swivels up and neatly places itself in her hand. She smiles. 

‘Try to keep up. I’m not just looking for eye candy in a training partner, darling’ she says, getting into battle stance. 

With nothing left to say for the second time this week, I aim the sceptre at her and the stone at the end glows. 

She charges and I shoot at her, but she spins the glaive and creates a shield which absorbs the energy. 

She continues to charge at me. I shoot again, and again the glaive takes the hit. Not a scratch on her. 

Once she comes closer, she simply places the flat end of the weapon against my chest, sending me hurtling back into a wall. 

She spins the glaive and laughs. 

‘Compliments of Wakanda. It absorbs any hits and charges up with kinetic energy’. 

I get up on my feet. This is far from over. I create multiple illusions to surround her, all of them brandishing knives, Chitauri tech, and sceptres. 

‘Damn, suddenly my whole evening has opened up’ she says, looking around.

Even my clones look around at each other puzzled. 

‘Come on then, who’s up?’ she spins the glaive around. ‘One at a time or all at once, baby’. 

They charge at her, and I expected her to fight them off at once... instead she plants the staff on the ground and ducks, and a semi-circle shell grows from the top of the staff, down to the floor... like a mini fortress, completely impenetrable. It could, no doubt, continue to take hits and build up kinetic energy, so I call off the clones. 

She gets up and retracts the shell. ‘Nanotech’ she grins at me. ‘The whole shell sits in a disk. It can withstand bombs and even a moon’.  ‘Is there any tech you haven’t adopted?’  ‘I’m an intergalactic scavenger, aren’t I?’ 

I stare at her, horrified. Can she read minds? 

‘Maybe I can. Or maybe I heard you tell Stark when he was complaining about me finishing my weapon first’. 

Silence. 

‘Also, darling, you’re awfully predictable in your fighting’. 

She picks up every trick and tech she sees, so beating her is less about weapons and more about cunning. 

No problem. Cunning is my specialty. 

‘Ready now?’ she asks.  ‘Mhm’. 

She takes a deep breath to ready herself, her eyes shutting slightly. Once they open back up, she stares in shock. 

In my Jotun form, I give her my most menacing smile.

She cocks her head to the side, studying my icy blue skin. 

The illusion I cast of myself approaches behind her, dagger in hand. Once it’s close enough and I can almost taste my victory, she raises the glaive and in one swift motion, sticks it into its abdomen. 

The illusion disappears into green light. 

‘Cute’ she remarks. She points the glaive at me. ‘What else you got for me?’  I shift back to my Asgardian form and sigh. ‘You win’. 

Y/n laughs and lowers her weapon. ‘Oh darling, I won the second you walked in wearing all that leather’. She winks at me, then walks out of the facility. I feel a blush creep to my face, much against my will. 

-------------

‘Maybe you should stick to your guns, Tony’ Y/n says, ‘Fancy suits is it for you, chain hammers may be overshooting it’.  ‘Is that what they taught you in the back alley you learnt ironmongery from?’  ‘Yes! Do you want their number, I’m sure they’ll have a spot on the waiting list for you’. 

Ah. Y/n’s relationship with Stark seemed more like mine with Thor. While they banter, Steve and Natasha tear up from laughing. I wouldn’t go so far as to call this domestic, but it certainly is comfortable. 

‘Come on, the glaive can’t be that good, right Loki?’ Stark asks. 

The company looks at me expectantly. ‘To say her weapon isn’t good enough means to insult your own tech, Stark. Everything about it is founded on your theories’. 

‘So technically, it’s my brain that made the glaive so cool’ he tells Y/n.  ‘Yeah, you could say that. The glaive comes from the same mind that manufactured Captain America’s dinner plate’. 

Steve doesn’t find that one funny, but Natasha does, sending her into peals of laughter. 

‘Oh whatever’ Tony huffs. ‘I’m going back to the lab’. 

He stands up and Y/n grabs his arm. ‘Aww Tony, I’m just kidding!’ she pats his hand, ‘Look, you’re a brilliant inventor, we all have our slow days’. 

He sighs and nods, and holds her hand. ‘Thanks... I guess I’m just not in my element, you know?’  ‘Yeah...’ she keeps patting his hand. 

And the feeling of domesticity creeps in. We really are all a family. Y/n smiles encouragingly at Tony, and Tony seems more relaxed. 

‘So, you want me to get you the number of that ironmongery, or...?’  ‘OH FOR...’ he snatches his arm away and storms out of the room, with Steve and Nat losing it all over again. 

___________________________________________________________

Ah this was so fun!!!!!!!! I hope you guys liked it <3 

MASTERLIST HERE

ASK BOX OPEN FOR FIC REQUESTS. Find GUIDELINES HERE.

[motscore]

hiya totally not self-projecting here but can you do something with bakugou and a s/o who has a really messed up family and home life? and make it very soft and gentle please. its the kind of home where the mom and dad are married but its a very unhealthy relationship. shouting fights are a regular occurrence, and the parents by themselves are assholes to their kid. just to put my situation in perspective, my father has tried slapping/grabbing my ass ‘playfully’ infinitely more times than he’s ever tried genuinely complementing me. he’s done other stuff, but i don’t feel comfortable sharing that. my mother cares more about image, both hers and mine, over people themselves and screams at me over the most stupid stuff. they’re also both conservative, and i’m lgbt, so that obviously isn’t something i can easily share. i’m sorry if this topic isn’t one you feel comfortable writing about, you don’t have to do this request. i just want some escape right now, and hell, someone or something who can at least pretend that they’ll help me, and validate my struggle. tell me it’s real, that i’m real. even though my dad calls me stupid and an idiot for fighting back against my mom, it’s one of the things that reminds me of my reason for treading the water for so long. it reminds me that i didn’t give up, even after all these years, in a way. i pretend and tip-toe around them so much in order to protect who i am. the fact that i don’t cry about it either, makes it seem like i’m just pretending. like i’m not really in a bad situation, but making it bad in my head when really it’s really not a big deal. i’ve gotten very tired because of all this. can katsuki be there to help me? i’m sorry. this was more vent/rant than request. you don’t have to do this one if you don’t want to.

hi love! im sorry i couldnt get this done sooner ive had a busy weekend :( but im genuinely so sorry and upset that you have to deal with this and if you want to dm me to rant im 100% down to listen! i hope this helps you at least a little bit love <3

you show up to katsuki’s door, and jump into his arms and start crying. he catches you of course, trying not to freak out because he doesnt know why you’re crying. he stood in complete shock before speaking up.

“b-baby? whats wrong are you hurt?”

you sniffled before replying

“i- just-“

you couldnt finish your sentence before breaking down into tears again. at this point, bakugou was feeling a swirl of emotions. concerned, sad, upset. he didnt know what was wrong, but he knew you needed him. he walked you two over to his room and laid down, with your head on his chest and your legs interwined.

he rubbed circles on your back, and whispered reassuring things into your ear, giving you time to calm down enough to where you could talk with him and tell him whats wrong.

you sniffled before speaking. you went on and on about how hard things have been for you, how uncomfortable you feel in your own home, how you can no longer tell if its really “that bad” or if you’re just overreacting because you’ve gotten so used to this. how you’ve grown..numb to it all. you told him everything and he listened very keenly. you could tell he was getting upset too, you could feel his mucles tensing up underneath you.

“i am gonna try to not let my anger show right now because thats not what you need, but dont you fucking dare say you’re over reacting. i know that it’ll be hard to convince you that you’re not, but please trust and listen to me angel. everything you’re going through may seem normal to you now but you don’t deserve to be in a situation like this and it is not normal. you can’t even be who you really are because you’re afraid of what the outcome is. thats not normal baby.”

he took a second to readjust you, so he was sitting up against the head board and you’re straddling his lap, facing him. he wiped the drying tears of your face and laced his fingers with yours before continuing.

“all your feelings towards this are valid, 100% valid. you feeling numb is because you’re used to this routine where.. people constantly invalidate you and your feelings. which means you’re gonna let those feelings build up until one day you wont be able to handle it anymore and thats not healthy, angel. you dont deserve to be in this situation angel and ill do everything i can to get you out of there, okay? you know i would love for you to move in with me so i could just... protect you from it all. but please believe me when i say that you’re not overreacting and that what you feel is real, its all real my love. all of it”

he pulled you in for a tight hug, putting his face in the crook of your neck to inhale your light scent. he began to kiss lightly, from your neck sll the way up to your cheeks to your lips, which made you giggle at the sensation.

he felt himself relax at hearing you laugh, and move back enough so he could see your whole face. even with puffy eyes and dried tears on your face, he thought you were the most ethereal being in the universe. nothing would ever change his mind about his precious angel.

he lifted a hand to caress your face, his thumb rubbing soft circles into your cheek.

“ill protect you baby. i promise no one can hurt you here.”

[meow-bebe]

Pairing: Ten x reader Genre: fluff, friends to lovers Word count: 1.3k Warnings: food mention(?) Tonight’s soundtrack: What You Waiting For - Somi A/n: written in participation of @neoculturechristmas​‘s sectret santa event

this is for @jaeyoonurl​! hi mar! as im pretty sure you know, im cosmo, and i got to be your secret santa for this event. i had a lot of fun coming up with this, and im truly sorry i ended up being pretty late, but it gave me a chance to remake the header and finish things up. I hope you enjoy this, and that the holidays have been good for you! <3

“So are you planning on going to Johnny's New Years party next week?” Ten asks as he flops down on the couch next to you, offering you a plate and a styrofoam takeout box.

You groan in response. “Is New Year’s really next week? I am not ready to deal with going to that party alone for the third year in a row.”

“Want me to be your plus one?” Ten jokes through a mouthful of food.

You roll your eyes. “I’m being serious.”

“So am I,” he wiggles his eyebrows.

You sigh out a little laugh, shoving a bite of food into your mouth. "Really though, I'm tired of everyone's slightly pitying glances because poor me still can't find anyone to tolerate me long enough to date me. It's been—" you pause to mentally count back— "six months since I've even been on a date." You sigh to yourself, eating in silence for a moment.

"What if I take you out?"

You raise your eyebrows at this. "And what's your intention with that?" Secretly, you wished it would be something slightly nefarious. Part of your dating issue stemmed from the fact that you were infatuated with your roommate, though you could do absolutely nothing about it. He wasn’t interested in you, and it’s not like you could force him to reciprocate your feelings.  

“I’m just trying to be a good friend,” Ten says, and secretly your heart sinks a little. Perhaps allowing yourself even the slightest bit of hope could cause more pain than living with the fact that he’ll never love you back. “You’re sad that you haven’t been on a date in forever, so I’ll take you on a date!”

--

Several days had passed, and the date with Ten had consumed your mind. It was all you thought of. Was he really just trying to be a good friend? Was there another intention masked beneath his proposition that lay closer to your own?

Ten hadn’t mentioned anything about it since he first brought the idea up, and you were starting to lose hope that he was being serious in the first place. He’s always been quite the jokester, but at the same time in all the years you had known him he had never once broken a promise or gone back on his word.

For the most part you had been doing your best to keep the churning mess of thoughts and emotions that came with this sudden proposition under control, but constantly doing something to keep yourself distracted could get exhausting and you had given up. Thursday early afternoons were your lazy time anyway, as it was the only day when you had several hours between classes, so you ended up back in your apartment and couldn't do anything productive anyway. 

So what better to do than sit around thinking about how you’re absolutely in love with your roommate who has given you no reason to believe he felt the same. Except for the invitation for a date he extended and then promptly never brought up again. Sure, it had only been three days and Ten had a tendency to forget to tell people when things were going to be happening, but overthinking seemed to be a talent of yours and unfortunately this was a topic that couldn’t be easily shoved under the rug. 

Just as you were ready to get up and actually start pacing, your phone dings. Grateful for any distraction, you lunge across the couch to grab it. 

[Ten: are you busy tonight?]

[You: what a stupid question]

[You: you know i do almost nothing]

[Ten: awesome! i’ll be home around five thirty to pick you up]

[Ten: don’t bother asking where we’re going, its a surprise]

[Ten: oh, and dress warm but cute ;)]

You roll your eyes at this, holding in giddy laughter and sending back an equally flirty reply. Perhaps your worries were unnecessary after all.

--

The sound of a key in the door alerts you of Ten’s arrival, and you hurriedly finish shoving all of your necessities into the pockets of the coat you had just been eagerly modeling for yourself in the mirror. Perhaps you had put a little more effort into your outfit than you usually would for a date. You wore quite a few layers, but your favorite coat and boots disguised the slight bulk, and the cherry on top of the whole outfit was the scarf Ten had gifted you a few years ago. 

“Hi!” you say, ducking out of your room to greet Ten. 

“Hi,” he responds, “ready to go?”

“Yep!” you say, following him out into the hallway and failing to keep the bounce out of your gait. “Care to tell me where we’re going?”

“Well that would ruin the surprise, wouldn’t it,” Ten finally gets the door locked and pulls it shut behind him.

“I suppose it would,” you huff out a melodramatic sigh, but can’t keep the smile spreading across you face down. “Well, come on then.” You take his hand, and though he refuses to look in your direction, you think you see a hint of pink tinting his cheeks. 

---

“How did you know I’d want to go ice skating?” you ask incredulously, staring up at the sky and the snow slowly drifting down through the air. After open skate had ended you had wandered around the city hand in hand with Ten until the sun set and you finally decided on a restaurant. "That's literally my ideal date."

"You've mentioned it a few times," Ten says, unable to hide the smile fighting its way across his face. He always tries his best to stay cool and collected, but the truth is Ten is a romantic at heart. 

“That was like once,” you say, letting your gaze slip away from the streetlights illuminating the snow and to your best friend’s face. 

“You do realise I actually listen when you talk right? Maybe more than I should.”

You brows scrunch together, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ten’s fingers start to fidget a bit, and you squeeze his hand in encouragement. 

He takes a deep breath, refusing to meet your eyes as you stare up at him, curiosity shining in your eyes. 

“This is something that I probably should have brought up a long time ago, but things get away from you sometimes, you know. Especially when it comes to—”

You squeeze his hand again. “You’re rambling.” Ten had a tendency to just talk when he was avoiding something—about the topic of avoidance, something to steer the conversation elsewhere—but it was always the same, and you knew it annoyed him just as much as it did everyone around him. 

“Sorry,” Ten says, obviously steeling himself for the big reveal. You listen intently, ready for whatever he’s about to hit you with. “I….like you. A lot. Like in a romantic way.”

You were not, in fact, ready for this. “Oh. I, uh—”

“I know you probably don’t feel the same, and that's okay—”

“No! No, no, not at all.” Concern flashes through his eyes and you panic for a second, wondering if you’ve made it seem like you're attempting to communicate the opposite of your feelings. “Ten, I’ve liked you for more than a year.” 

A different type of surprise seizes his features now, and you choke down a laugh at the way his eyes seem ready to pop out of his head. 

“Seriously?” You nod, and Ten just about skips with joy. “You mean this whole time we could’ve—God, I could just kiss you.”

“So do it,” you smirk.

Ten’s eyes widen in surprise, but he tugs you closer to him anyway. “You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to do this forever.”

“Actually,” you say, “I think I know the feeling.”

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[dramaturgist]

yknow rereading percy jackson as someone older than i was when i first read it is really making me rethink my views on a lot of shit that happened in the series, especially rick’s writing.. like Yes kudos to rick for representation yay but he is very very far from perfect

1. he doesn’t do timelines or continuity of ANY sort he messes up his own backstories and changes things hes written about in the past if theyre convenient to him for whatever hes writing (like nicos age) 

2. his minority characters are often under-researched  sometimes it feels like his attempts at representation are just.. stereotypes which hes “remixed” and tried to repackage into a Funky And Fresh character to add diversity to the series or whatever. dont add minority characters for diversity, do it bc its mf realistic and not everyone is white and cishet

3. and the main characters are still... white  everyone always talks about how amazing the series is for representation and sure it is but the Good Guys and Heroes in the end are, in fact, straight white people. he barely focuses on the other characters’ plots and normally half-asses them unless theyre his own personal faves lmao  plus, he has a history of killing off female and poc characters for sake of “plot development” (silena, bianca, zoe, charles, ethan, so many more) PLUS plus is it just me or is drews characterisation really uncomfortable to read?? “bitchy asian girl” is such an overused trope at this point and it annoys me so much

4. he does things more for shock factor than actual plot LISTEN. LISTEN TO ME. i am SICK and TIRED of creators killing off their characters or adding random betrayal arcs of WHATEVER just for the shock factor that they’ll get out of doing it. its not funny or cool!! theres a difference between when a character dies out of plot requirement (say, luke dying out of sacrifice) and when a character dies for nothing but Oh Wow A Death Ahahah Classic Rick  yes this is about jason. yes i’m bitter. there was no reason he had to die but u know what. im gonna say it. better him than leo/piper 

5. there’s so much unneeded fanservice and for what percy and jasons rivalry is... its so...... homie do u really think that these two boys have egos fragile enough that theyre gonna go full chad and say this town aint big enough for the two of us??? neither of them has a single malicious bone in their body and there is NO REASON FOR THEM TO HAVE ANY CONFLICT. at all. just let them be friends i beg 

6. he does not know how to write teenagers,  more like he doesn’t know how to write characters who aren’t straight white teenagers but. i digress. anyway not a single teen in that book is in any shape or form realistic except perhaps the original pjo series? i feel like rick tends to brush off emotions when it comes to his characters EXTREMELY easily.. like in the more recent books, characters r sad for like one second and then everythings sunshine and rainbows again. (the lightning thief musical did a MUCH better job at showing teen emotions than the books, honestly.)  also reyna’s characterisation in the new book disgusts me... so much.... 

7. and he overcompensates. so much. rick. it is ok. you are a 40 year old straight white man. we understand u. u dont have to try and use cool hippie teen language. its ok. please chill out it is so unbearably cringey

8. he cannot acknowledge his own mistakes or learn from them fans have been yelling for YEARS about how a lot of things in his books are misrepresented/harmful but theres been complete silence on his part and i am. so irritated. also that shit hes trying to pull w reyna annoys me so much i cant believe he went to the extent of calling out people for having? headcanons? anyway reyna lesbian

i dont know how to end this so uh. thanks for reading if u made it this far 

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

Went to bed at 12:40am after helping grandma get readjusted in the bed, and helping dad function the oxygen tank because the oxygen machine kept going out and beeping on error. I think grandma got anxious from seeing her family members come from grand rapids to visit. I know she missed them.

But man did I get tired.

I had to set an alarm for 3:45am because that's when grandma has to go potty, and I knew mom and dad needed the rest after cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and hosting for her guests.

I kept nodding off to twilight as I waited in the room for grandma to tell me when, so I could help her get up off the bed and onto potty. That wasn't until like 5am.

Glad I could get some sleep in between waiting.

I stayed in there with till 8:30, when she asked for some oatmeal to eat. I think she's having hunger pains, but can't really eat the stuff down as much. We puree mostly everything in the food processor for her. She only ate like a couple spoonfuls. She said her right side started hurting from not eating as much, but we can't make her eat, but there also seems to be a lack of appetite in grandma's mind. I think she's been feeling very tired too, especially after the family visit last night.

This is the first time I heard her fuss today. I cleaned the bucket after she threw up in it and said "Don't use so much Lysol to clean with. I can smell it." I didn't take it personally because I didn't use lysol to clean the bucket, I used Fabuloso and alcohol because we didn't have much cleaner in the bathroom I cleaned it in. Daddy reminded her that I was just trying to clean the bucket out.

She said "I know, just don't use so much."

This was right before she said she feels like she needs some more oxygen, so maybe her not breathing as well and smelling that cleaner made her nose upset.

I've dealt with Grandma and her complaints before, so I'm pretty sure I'm not expecting a happy camper about all this. Im just so glad its not just me to take care of her. So we'll all be making a team effort to help her as she goes along. The social worker, the nurse, and a chaplin is supposed to come from Hospice in the next couple of days. So we'll see how it goes. Its not like the disney movies where the person is happy and being nice to everybody and then suddenly passes.

I think this will be a gradual, slow, but hopefully peaceful passing for her. I know I'm stressed out, but I feel like how I used to be at work. Hopefully we don't get into any arguments and just let her talk if she starts commenting on us not doing something right or if she starts forgetting stuff and then she says that one liner "you calling me a liar?" cause I know what that means when she says that line.

I pray she doesn't go flip mode and the kids don't have to deal with seeing any blood. I'd rather have me and my parents handle that, because we can handle that maturely without feeling that grossed out feeling and wait to hold our comments until after the tasks are finished.

My baby sister, I would be worried to find out she or one of the others were to find her.....like that in the morning.

Because we don't know the timeline and we're not at a hospital. This is real life. Grandma actually came all the way here with my parents to Flint, to come live with us until she passed. And its still just shocking to me. We're putting in our best effort together so this woman we've known for years can have a peaceful going, under the roof and care of her loved ones. We love her and we do care about her. I'm just not gonna expect this to be easy, keep my head up, stay positive, and try to keep my emotions out of it like I do at work. Keeping my emotions off, helps the day seem fast and the work gets done quicker and more efficiently. We're gonna work hard for Grandma and I hope my little sisters can cooperate and not be as selfish and sometimes unhelpful like usual. We have to share our time more and that means less sleep, but I'm glad we're not alone.

I'm glad its not just me, stuck at her house in Grand Rapids again like it was the 1st time and 2nd time I had to help her out at the house.

The 2nd time was the worse, because she was sick, assuming it was maybe covid or a virus, the flu or something else like a cold because of the mucus. And she hadn't been to the hospital in years. The insurance company sent a doctor to check up on her in March and when he just touched that one oldddd surgery spot that she had been talking about for years....it was near the liver and the pancreas. And thats where they said the cancer was, this whole entire time.

I wonder how or when did it start growing? And how long had she known she was gonna die? Even when I stayed with her this year she would say "Just in case something happens to me" or "I'm rotting away." and the pads she would wear in her underwear because she said something kept leaking every so often and she been stopped getting periods because they took her uterus out decades ago.

It's like crazy and mind bottling, because I wanna know why, when, where, and how. I want answers. I want somebody to be able to tell me this is what caused it and am I at risk for something similar either just naturally or just from getting surgeries from doctors who didn't listen to her or tell her what was truly going on...its like nobody knew, but her and God. And she felt everything in her body. Everything. She knew which types of food would hurt her stomach or not, which natural vitamins to help with her pain every so often. I can't even deny that this entire time she's been telling me these stories, moments, and memories all over and over again for one reason and one reason only. So not only she could remember, but also for us to know why she's been feeling in pain for so many years.

She's been duct taping her body like a car for so many years with vitamins for this and hard lemonades to help her get through each day, but she never not once wanted to go to the doctors, the people that she didn't trust for years and held a grudge over it, she knew exactly what injuries and everything that led up to her feeling the stings in her feet, her big toe, her back, her stomach, her side, her lungs, and her chest. She had everything covered like a math equation.

And she's very frugal, did not want no expensive medical bills cause she already felt like a burden to us, even when she came into the house and she saw how much storage stuff we had to clear out of that blue room, she told Daddy she didn't wanna be a burden.

But we gotta take care of you Grandma. Cause we love you and your son, your daughter in law, and your grand babies are gonna help carry you on your way. I don't care if you want ice cream in the middle of the night, I will go get it. I know momma and daddy don't want me to overwork myself, but why do I feel that thing where the mother can't stay away from its child? I don't wanna miss her going, and not have said goodbye and I love you. Thats it, just final words.

Cause that's how you do closure, I wanna know were you in peace when it happened and could I have done anything to help you feel better towards the end. Cause I know what it feels like to not have closure from somebody, I had to do it all by myself and I still feel ungrateful and absent about it. Because nobody talked to me, they just left me hanging.

And I'd be damn if I missed my Grandma before she passed. Her birthday is August 22nd. I know its unlikely to ask for, but can I see her on Christmas? At least? After everything we've went through, her chewing my food up for me when I was little. All the stories she remembered about me eating peaches, chicken, and spaghetti. And how she cooked it with corn flakes so it had the crispiest crunch. And how much I used to ask her to replay Barney when dad would drop me, she said I'd say "Again, Again!" and whoever was there said something about it...

Why do I feel like because we've been so busy helping and working, now is not the time to mourn?

She's still here, but I can still hear her singing our jazzy bathtub song.

"Singing in the bath tubbb,

A doobee-doobee doo

Singing in the bath tubbb

A doobee-doobee doo"

I still remember the note and everything and me giggling and smiling, laughing and singing with her.

Grandma used to sing and listen to music all the time. She showed me a few more songs before we got into it about the hamster.

Honestly, I'm not even mad about all that anymore, I just want her feeling at home and happy with us.