#listen i’m crawling out of an episode i need to be gentle with myself

[ehhgg-art]

mercutio sketches for nostalgia’s sake (+ his brother and the prince). always thought it was a shame nobody drew valentine, but i’m a mercutio enthusiast so it’s no surprise i care about the details of his life lol

[kmorales1]

Comfort

Pairing: Frankie Morales x F!reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: uh brief depiction of an anxiety attack, a bit spicy at one point but it's short, language(like one word)

Summary: Frankie just needs some comfort and you're good at that :)

Author note: Hey, so this is like my first ever fic I've ever written for this character and also the first thing I've ever posted online for other people to see. Let it be known that I haven't written in so long, but I decided recently it was time to pick up a new(not really) hobby. But! Please be nice lol I'm actually not even sure how many people will actually read this, but just know I'd appreciate like any feedback given. A lot of the authors on this hellsite for the pedro boys give me so much serotonin so I thought I'd join in on the fun.

It’s his frantic breathing that startles you awake. Your arms move in the darkness to where your boyfriend had fallen asleep beside you, only for it to meet the cold floor of the tent. Rising up quickly, you turn, eyes adjusting to the darkness to see Frankie in the corner. Knees pressed close to his chest and his head between his knees. His shoulders are moving up and down heavily with the force behind his erratic breaths.

“Frankie?” Your voice is loud in the otherwise quiet night air. He barely moves, the only acknowledgement to your voice is the slight hitch in his breathing. This isn’t the first time this has happened and it had become even more frequent since his return home with the boys(minus Tom) from the trip Pope had somehow managed to drag him into, although you doubt it had taken that much convincing. “Frankie baby?”

You try again, voice still remaining the same volume as you scoot closer but still unwilling to touch him in fear of making it worse. His head drags up from its spot on his knees and he looks at you. His eyes are red rimmed and there’s the glassy look from unshed tears, and it breaks your heart.

“Hey baby,” he starts, and you can feel how hard he’s trying to keep it together despite his erratic breaths and shaking hands. “I’m alright sweetheart just lay back down, we’ve got an early start in the morning.”

You almost roll your eyes at him, he does this everytime like you don’t wave his worry off every single time and hold him close. Like he doesn’t burrow into you like it’s the only place of comfort for him, and sometimes you think, maybe it is.

“You know I don’t care Fish, come here. Can I touch you?”

He hesitates for a single second at the sound of your soft words before, almost eagerly, clamoring into your open arms. His breathing is still slightly erratic but nowhere as bad as it usually is, and you think sadly you might have woken up after the worst part of it.

You’re not sure if it was a nightmare or hell, maybe a noise that set it off and you think you’ll ask. But before you can you feel him take a few shaky breaths. “I dreamed I was back there.” he says quietly, his hands slowly curling around the flesh of your hips. Your shirt is slightly rucked up and you try to suppress your shiver as his cold hands meet your bare skin. “It sounds cliche I know, but it felt like I was still there.”

And you want to cry then and just like every time he says it because you can’t imagine. You can’t. You won’t try either. You wish you could tear inside of his mind and shield him from all the bad he’s ever experienced because he’s just so good. You know of some of the things he’s done and you know the way it weighs on him and you just ache.

Frankie still hadn’t opened up to you about the entire job there, just that they had lost Tom. He had never said it out loud but you know for some reason he feels guilty. And you never press for more information knowing he’ll tell you when he feels he can. When he’s ready to finally face it himself.

You wrap him tightly in your arms, your fingers softly carding through his hair where his cap is usually perched. The curls are slightly more unruly than usual as Frankie had neglected to get it trimmed for the last month. His shaky breaths calm more at the feel of your soft touch and the silence stretches. He knows you’re listening if he chooses to elaborate more.

“I wish I could tell you,”

His hands squeeze your hips, his fingertips pressing roughly there leaving indentations in your skin.

“I’ve done things that even make me look at myself differently, I don’t think I could deal with it if you looked at me the same, baby.”

And god how could you ever. You’re so in love with this man.

But, there’s a voice in the back of your head that tells you, maybe he’s right. You know things, some things. What if he tells you everything and suddenly those rose colored glasses come off?

Frankie is a good man, he is.

You shake the thought away, because he is. You know he is.

“Francisco, please. Nothing you could say could make me see you differently. I love you, you’re a good man. A great man, and an even better father.” Your voice is strong and slightly loud in the stillness of the tent but you want to comfort him and you hope it translates through your words. “The things you’ve done, you had to. It was your job, you saved people, your teammates..” and you want to say more, but you don’t know what to say so your voice trails off as you look down at him. He’s quiet, his shoulders still moving with his breathing. You wonder what his thoughts are and you open your mouth to ask before,

“I love you.” He whispers. And then once more. Then he leans up his hands leaving your waist to cup your cheeks, and places a gentle kiss on your lips. “I love you.” A third time. And you feel it’s a distraction on his part, but you don’t fault him for it. He doesn’t want to talk about it, so you don’t push.

You pull him to you, breathing in deeply as the familiar scent of him rises right along with him. Another kiss to your lips and then his body is on top of yours, his arms bracketing you in. “Princessa,” he whispers, his hot mouth oh so close to yours. you notice his erratic breathing that, a few moments ago had calmed down, picked back up. Frankie is pushing impossibly close to you, his nose smushing against yours as he steals your breath away with a searing kiss. More. More. More. That’s all your brain can translate. You never seem to get enough of anything he offers to you. But then,

“You’re too good for me.”

And what does that mean? You want to push him back because that’s not true. If anything he’s too good for you and you want to fight him on that and you want to press for more, but his hand is gripping your neck and his tongue is slipping inside your mouth and oh. Right now? You want to, you really, really do, but.

“Frankie baby,” you pull back slightly not missing the way his mouth chases after yours. “The boys are just outside the tent, let’s not wake them.”

You pause momentarily, brushing his hair from his forehead that had slowly begun its crawl to fall into his eyes.

“And as you said yourself earlier, we have an early start in the morning.” He sighs, but there’s a small smile on his lips. He presses them to yours once more, a small chaste kiss, before pillowing his head on your chest. Your heart swells at the look of him, soft and so handsome.

“I love you.” His voice a soft hum as he holds you tightly to him. Then he says your name quietly and you break out of the trance he seems to have you in, for you to whisper the words back to him.

You never tire of this. The way he molds himself so perfectly to your side and a piece of your brain screams it's because he’s made for you. You think he is. (You know he is.)

As you watch him, his eyes closing and his breathing finally even, a dark cloud settles over your thoughts as you silently wonder if he’ll dream again. Whatever is haunting him you hope stays dormant for the rest of the night and he can rest. You know even if it does that it will be back later, and there'll be another episode where he’s crying and once again fighting something that you can’t see, you can’t understand.

Your hand covers one of his while your other comes to lie between his shoulders feeling them move from his breathing. Pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head you lean back and close your eyes. If he wakes again you’ll be here.

And that’s enough for you both.

[ceoofuwu]

𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐃𝐎𝐎𝐑𝐒 ;; 𝘬𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘪 𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘬𝘪 𝘹 𝘧.𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒: 𝟏.𝟔𝐤

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: you may be Bakugo’s sister but, no one in U.A. had ever known about your existence, until you decided to pay a visit... little did you know that Bakugo wasn’t the only familiar person there...

𝐓.𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: cursing (there’s Bakugo here, you shouldn’t expect any less lmao)

«What?! Bakugo has a sister?!» Mina exclaimed as she entered the living room, hardly having heard the rest of the discussion.

She sat herself cheerfully next to Kirishima, who had actually made space for her, quite eager to keep up with the gossip.

Not that she didn’t have every reason to. Bakugo was mysterious, kept things simple and to himself, always maintaining a distant and goal-oriented attitude, which didn’t allow for much personal investment. Therefore, wasn’t it reasonable for any given “friend” of his to be bound by curiosity?

«Oh shut up! As if you should care, raccoon eyes» he retorted coldly, with a casual murderous glare following shortly.

However, with her happy-go-lucky mindset and the habit of ignorantly listening to the merciless insults of the young hero, the pinkette didn’t mind him at all.

«I should, because when I become a pro hero, she might use some rescuing from me!» she announced, pointing to her gleeful self.

«Thanks, but I believe I can manage on my own».

A smooth, velvet voice cut through the room as the tapping of graceful steps reverberated.  A pair of delicate legs strolling confidently, accompanying a perfectly-shaped body giving off waves of tremendous fortitude.

During the time Mina had spent in the Academy, she had never witnessed, not once Bakugo, the Bakugo, expressing his fear. Now, in the face of his sister, he was wearing a mask of exactly that feeling; terror.

«Is that… are you…» she attempted, feeling solely gaps of air leaving her mouth in stupefaction.

You ceased your pacing, offering everyone a friendly smile, escorted with a gentle wave of your hand.

«Forgive me for not introducing myself earlier. My name is Y/n».

«…you can also call her dumbass» Bakugo mumbled between clenched teeth, intending to make an impression of dominance but also wishing to hide from the tyrant of a woman opposite of him.

«Shut your hole boom-boom idiot!»

An array of giggles filled the air, lighting up the ambiance and therefore breaking the ice, before you noticed a black-haired boy observing you in what seemed to be… dread?

«So she’s also taken after your terribly unhealthy anger issues, huh?» his eyes shifted to your smirking brother while he spoke in a modest and careful voice, as if he had selected his words with extreme cautiousness, one by one.

Another polite smile tugged at your lips, despite feeling quite displeased by your first impression. «I’m nothing like this walking temper tantrum», your gaze travelled around the room, inspecting it and gradually getting used to the surroundings, «…so you are his class… mates…»  your voice slowly faded away as you met with one specific, too familiar person in the room.

It couldn’t be… he couldn’t be here… or, could he? As far as you’re concerned you’re completely sane, which only means that you weren’t hallucinating. A lump had suddenly emerged in your throat and you’d swear your heart had skipped several beats upon realizing what was happening.

«Why the hell are you staring at dunce face?!» Bakugo yelled, fury steeping his features as the urge to protect you took over.

«Dunce… what?»

Denki slightly rolled his eyes, although he seemed to have gotten accustomed to his nickname, and sighed as he struggled to appear collected and unbothered.  «Me».

You scoffed and immediately covered your mouth with your hand, to prevent an inappropriate laughter from coming out. You didn’t really enjoy making fun of others, especially people like him who stood so close to you, but… this just sounded too fitting.

Denki blushed and immediately looked away, in his miserable attempt to be “discreet”.

«Do you guys know each other?» a familiar-looking redhead boy enquired, pointing between you and Denki. Your acquaintance had his mouth half-hanging open, as if he was about to say something, until he met with the frightful message in your look.

No.

You were quick to turn and face the redhead, with calmness written in your features and say: «Not at all, I mean… I hardly know any of you… um… Kirishima, isn’t it?»

The boy’s crimson eyes widened in surprise by the mention of his name.

Seems like I got it right.

«My brother tends to mention you a lot at home…» yet another wave of surprise washing over him, «…mostly how shitty your hair is…» you paused and pondered a little on your words, «…although I beg to differ» you beamed.

Kirishima’s face resembled a mixture of contentedness and dejection. You supposed and hoped that the former was on you.

Even so, for some odd reason, Bakugo was still keeping an eye on Denki. Not that the latter was acting with any prudence whatsoever, what with his nervously avoiding everyone’s eyes in the room.

«So… um… is there a bathroom… somewhere around here..?» you asked timidly, feeling the need to freshen yourself up and relieve some of the tension of this fairly messed up situation.

Soon after, thanks to your brother’s interference, you arrested yourself in that longed-for bathroom, taking a breather in silence and clearing your mind.

Before arriving at U.A. you weren’t really sure how to feel. On the one hand, you genuinely anticipated finally meeting all those amazing, gifted teens that had got themselves involved into so many scandalous episodes. On the other hand, you were doubting your social capabilities of interaction and trembled at the mere thought of stumbling over your words, or making a mess of something as simple a task as that, in general. In fact, an array of worst case scenarios was bombarding your head, even until the second you stepped your foot in that room.

However, discovering that Denki, your Denki, was actually one of the renowned class 1-A students?

That seemed nearly inconceivable to you.

Indeed, you had been dating with the guy for several months now, yet, without neither of you realizing, the hero studies topic had never been brought up; at least not in terms of specification.

So… Denki was a basically a hero… someone capable of coming to your rescue at any given moment… a hero…

«I hope you’re lost in your thoughts about me» an all too familiar voice was heard from the door.

Speak of the devil and the devil will come.

«Denki, what the hell?! How-- why did you come here?!» you called frantically, all the while taking alarming looks around to make sure your privacy was guaranteed.

«Don’t panic. We’re alone. Besides, my dorm is nearby~» he chimed, taking small steps closer to you simultaneously.

«So you used your dorm as an excuse to…?»

«Don’t play dumb, Y/n… you know better than anyone why I’m here…» your boyfriend whispered while slipping his arms around your waist and pulling you flush against his slim body.

You felt the temperature rising in your cheeks and your mind suddenly going blank, as though a fuzzy mist had been blurring everything. You had decided to come here merely to relax before proceeding to make new acquaintances. You couldn’t figure out whether this was happening due to Denki being one hell of a horny pervert or his being a complete and utter idiot. Come to think of it, both statements were suitable at the moment.

In the meantime, Denki was ranting about his plans, his dorm and many other stuff that you didn’t care too much to pay attention to.

«You are a dunce face» you giggled, trying not to focus too much on his golden gaze, which almost pierced holes through your own eyes.

«What did you say?» his face was beginning to distort into a suggestive expression, his lips gradually stretching into a devilish smile.

«You… are… a dunce face» you repeated teasingly and more confidently this time, despite feeling the embarrassment crawling up on you on the inside.

«A dunce face…» he hummed after you, before pushing you gently against a wall, with you hardly realizing, «I wonder where you picked that up from…» he teased, his fingertips sliding underneath your shirt grazing your back, sending minor waves of electricity down your spine with every brush whilst eliciting slight gasps.

Your lust-blown eyes remained locked the entire time, forming some kind of connection, as your breaths were little by little merging into one and the space between you was getting smaller by every second passing. You couldn’t hold your urgencies back anymore; your arms glided on his shoulders, eventually getting wrapped around his neck, as your head titled to the side allowing to the blonde to lean in and touch his lips on yours.  

The subtle electroshocks being produced on your back combined with the feeling of soft lips dancing with even softer ones, wasn’t aiding you at all to restrain that low, throaty moan that escaped from your vocals.

The kiss was slow and yet, steeped with passion, dripping with all these raw emotions that were generated every time you’d encounter one another. Denki had you melting, desperately hanging on to him, as if he was your life line. As he nibbled on your bottom lip, you broke apart, both panting, your lungs burning for air, prior to your foreheads touching intimately, trying to calm your rapidly beating hearts.

«You should lock that doo—«

«GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF HER, DUNCE FACE!»

Before you even had the time to process what had just happened, Denki had done a runner, sprinting as fast as he could as he was being chased down by an infuriated Bakugo. It’s a pity you were marooned like this but, oh well, he was the one who had left the door unclosed….

Hope you enjoyed! Leave a heart, comment, reblog! 💕

[ashyblondwaves]

The Corpsemouth

Prompt: Sparklers & Fireworks

Fandom: Scarletvision (Wanda Maximoff and Vision, MCU)

Word Count: 2047

Warnings: Mentions of a horror monster and a full smut scene.

***

“Are we sure that this is a wise idea, Mr. Stark?” Vision asked. He trailed behind Tony, dragging Wanda by the hand as she struggled to keep up with his large strides.

Tony scoffed.

“Relax, Mother Hen. This is the best idea ever.”

Only, it wasn’t the best idea ever. Not even close.

When Tony decided that their Fourth of July celebration would close out with a fireworks show conducted by the billionaire himself, Vision knew it wouldn’t end well. And now, here they were in the dark after a rogue firework spiraled out of the perimeter and hit the power lines. Luckily, Thor and Steve were able to put out the small fire that started in the aftermath.

“Well that was fun,” Clint deadpanned, slapping his knees and standing. “Can’t believe I left the family barbeque for this. I’m going home.”

“You’re no fun, Barton!” Tony yelled as the archer disappeared in the darkness.

“You know…” Sam started, his voice low. “This is the perfect time for The Corpsemouth to appear.”

“The what?” Natasha asked, rolling her eyes. “That doesn’t even sound like a real thing.”

“Oh, it’s real,” Sam confirmed, the sound of a beer cracking open piercing through the inky air. “He takes advantage of situations like this. Ambushes when people are at their most vulnerable.”

“We’re never vulnerable,” Thor laughed.

“You say that now,” Sam warned. “But you won’t say that when Corpsemouth is dining on your throat.”

“Dining on… throats?” Vision piped up. He gulped. “This Corpsemouth… how bad is it?”

“Worse than Ultron,” Sam said.

“How so?” Vision asked.

“He won’t spare you time with pointless conversation. He’ll just kill you and ask questions later.”

“You’re full of shit,” Natasha spat. “There’s no such thing as The Corpsemouth.”

“Perhaps he’s right,” Vision said, taking Wanda’s hand. “We wouldn’t want to be caught off guard.”

“Sam,” Wanda warned. She gave Vision’s hand a light squeeze. “Stop it. You’re scaring him.”

“I am not scared,” Vision insisted.

But his grip on Wanda’s hand told a different story. Vision, while tough as nails when it came to battle, was a proverbial school girl when faced with a ghost story. He didn’t even like half of the Halloween episodes of the sitcoms he and Wanda watched together. There was no way the talk of Corpsemouth wasn’t scaring him.

“They call him Corpsemouth because that’s how he kills you,” Sam went on, his voice a low brooding rumble for effect. “With his razor sharp teeth and jaws like an alligator.”

“Excuse me,” Vision said, standing abruptly. He disappeared into the shadows but it was clear he was walking to the compound.

“Dammit, Sam!” Wanda snapped. She stood up and took off in the direction Vision went.

It was nearly impossible for Wanda to see on her way to the compound. She raised her hand up, using the scarlet orb that floated above it as a source of light. It wasn’t much, but it got her to the front door. She pushed the door open with her free hand and slipped inside.

“Vis?”

She searched the first floor, hoping she’d find him in the living room, but no luck. He must have been in his room, hiding away from the teasing tones of Sam and his stories. The thing about Vision is that he probably knew the story was horse shit; that Sam was just trying to have a little fun in a less than stellar situation, but it still scared him. He still had trouble differentiating fact from fiction when it came to the supernatural.

As expected, he was in his room. He sat on one of the large chairs, staring at the wall. Wanda opened the door loudly and coughed, announcing her entrance but approaching Vision slowly. She placed a hand on his shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze.

“You know he was fucking with you, right?” Wanda asked. “There’s no Corpsemouth.”

“I know,” Vision replied. He stood up and turned to face Wanda. “But at that moment, I was unable to convince myself that Sam’s story was fabricated.”

“Well, it’s over now,” Wanda said, putting her arms out for a hug. “And it’s not real.”

Vision walked into Wanda’s arms, setting his head on top of her head as her arms wrapped around his waist.

“Come to my room?” she asked. “I’ve got candles and we can play with those dice you like.”

“I’d really like that.”

***

The room was illuminated in a soft glow from the candles Wanda lit, the two of them sitting on Wanda’s bed.

“You roll first,” Wanda said. She dropped two black dice into Vision’s hand and waited for the result.

He rolled, letting the dice go between them on the bed.

“Pinch. Ears.” Vision tilted his head in confusion. “I suppose I should do as I’m told?”

Wanda grabbed her ears.

“They’re all yours.”

They laughed and Vision extended his arms, taking Wanda’s earlobes between his thumbs and forefingers. He gave a quick pinch as Wanda giggled and then dropped his hands.

“That was a bogus roll. Mine is going to be better,” Wanda gloated, grabbing the dice from the bed and rolling them. “Bite. Boobs.”

Wanda laughed again, this time a loud guffaw that echoed in the dimly lit, silent room. Vision knew what to do. Slowly, he lifted his shirt to show his chest.

“Please watch the Vibranium,” he said. “I wouldn’t want you to chip a tooth.”

Wanda nodded and moved in, finding a spot on Vision’s chest that was skin. She opened her mouth and sunk her teeth in gently, lightly nipping at the spot. Vision shivered under her movements, bringing a hand to the back of her head.

“I need to stop,” Wanda said, allowing Vision to move his hand from her head before she resurfaced. “If I didn’t stop, I would have kept going lower and we only just started the game.”

“Foreplay is an essential component of a healthy sex life,” Vision recited. He grabbed the dice and shook them around in his hand, letting them go in the middle of the bed again. “Massage. Nipple.”

Wanda sucked on her bottom lip, eyeing Vision. It was her turn to lift her shirt and she lifted it and her bra in one quick motion. Her breasts bounced with the force as Vision’s eyes went straight to Wanda’s nakedness. Wasting no time, he reached out and with two fingers pressed the pads against Wanda’s nipple. Slowly, he began to rub circles around the nub as it hardened under his fingers.

“Vis,” Wanda moaned, thrusting her chest forward. “Use your mouth.”

“But the dice-”

“Please.”

Vision complied, moving in on Wanda’s left breast he took the hard nipple in his mouth, sucking on it and swirling his tongue around the nub.

As Vision pulled away, Wanda grabbed the dice from the bed.

“Last roll,” she said, her voice coming out huskier than usual. She didn’t bother pulling her shirt down. Instead, she pulled both garments over her head and flung them across the room before rolling the dice.

“Kiss,” Vision read, his eyes slowly moving to the second die. “Balls/Labia.”

A sudden rush of laughter hit both of them. The dice made it sound ridiculous, but Wanda knew that this would definitely lead to so much more.

“I guess we should listen to the dice,” Wanda said playfully. She crawled on her hands and knees toward Vision, prompting him to lie back on the bed as she got closer.

Without hesitation, Vision phased out of his clothes, leaving him bare and waiting for Wanda to comply with the dice’s command.

Wanda moved closer, taking Vision’s soft cock in her hand and lifting it up so she could get to his balls. She was careful with her movements as she closed in and pressed her lips to Vision’s balls.

It went silent, and then suddenly, they were laughing again.

“That was so weird,” Wanda admitted. “Having to just kiss your balls like that. You’re not even hard.”

“Not yet,” Vision replied coyly, his eyes traveling to where Wanda’s hand was still wrapped around his cock.

For Wanda, the message was clear and she was ready to get to work. She closed back in on Vision and wet her lips before slipping his soft cock into her mouth. She swirled her tongue around the head, and across the slit, reveling in the way that she could take him fully into her mouth before he was fully hard. She fell into an easy rhythm, sucking and licking every inch of him.

Vision’s hands fell to Wanda’s head, combing his fingers through her hair as she bobbed up and down on his cock.

Wanda felt Vision getting harder in her mouth, and he was quickly too big for her to fit in her mouth completely. She pulled back, adding her hand to the rhythm. As she worked on him with her mouth, she also pumped her hand up and down his length.

“Wanda…” Vision croaked, lifting his hips and pushing himself further into her mouth. “Don’t stop.”

Wanda had no intention of stopping. She ran her free hand up Vision’s stomach, dragging her fingers along the mixture of soft synthetic skin and strong Vibranium, finding a spot where the two met. Only she and Vision knew it, but he was ticklish where skin met Vibranium. She moved her fingers to a spot just on his stomach and traced the seam.

Vision immediately tensed up, a moan turning into a laugh and back into a moan when Wanda started laughing. The vibration of her amusement against his cock sent him into a spiral of bliss, his hips coming up again, driving his cock into Wanda’s mouth, hitting the back of her throat.

Wanda pulled away, his cock coming out of her mouth with a wet pop.

“You’re eager tonight,” Wanda observed, amusement playing on her face. She changed positions swiftly, going from lying between Vision’s legs to shedding her pants and underwear and hoisting her leg over his body, his cock coming to rest between her ass cheeks. “This might be a better option for us tonight.”

Wanda sat up, reaching back and taking Vision in her hand, guiding it to her middle. When the head parted her lips, she quickly sank down on his cock, sheathing him inside her before lying down flat against Vision’s chest.

“Go for it,” she instructed, letting him know he was free to move his hips and fuck her however he wanted to.

Vision’s arms wrapped around Wanda’s body, his knees popping up as he pressed his feet flat against the bed for leverage. He pulled out halfway, slowly, but when he thrust up, driving himself back into Wanda his movements were quick, rhythmic and relentless.

With their bodies pressed together, they worked as one to find their bliss.

Vision came first. His moan became an apology for doing so, one that Wanda didn’t want to hear.

“Shhh, don’t apologize,” she said,caressing Vision’s face. “I just want to hear you moan for me.”

All words that threatened to fall from Vision’s lips disappeared at Wanda’s request. He let his orgasm wash over him, apologies turning back to moans as he emptied inside her. His next move was quick. He sat up, taking Wanda with him and flipped her onto her back. He pulled his cock out of her and brought his fingers to her clit, rubbing the sensitive nerve with care and determination.

“Yes, Vis! Just like that,” Wanda cried out, swirling her hips underneath him. With a few more strokes, it was Wanda’s turn to come, legs shaking with the intensity of it. She yelled Vision’s name, not caring who heard her in the quiet of the blackout.

As Wanda came back down, her breath evening out and her senses returning, Vision caressed her thighs, helping her calm down.

“The dice win again,” Wanda finally said, laughing. They’d never gotten to use the dice very long, any instruction given to them always quickly escalated into something more. Vision joined in the laughter, the deep cadence of his chuckles was music to her ears and she smiled to herself, knowing that any thoughts of Corpsemouth were now gone from Vision’s immediate memory.

[bondsmagii]

anonymous submitted:

Let's talk about sleep paralysis! I have some wild theories, feel free to believe them or not, but this has been my gatherings after over 15 years of experiences. So - after years of Slffering from it, I've slowly learned how to control my sleep paralysis. I can morph them into cool/interesting incidences now, and have even begun using it as a jumpoff for lucid dreaming. (Disclaimer: Not reccomended if you can't control it yet, please don't try to induce SP unleash you're TOTALLY prepared for it. I don't want anybody to get hurt. And still, I cannot guarantee my own results. This took YEARS of practice.) Anyway, I've found that if you're able to force one small body part to move or jerk your head (repeatedly til it works), you can break out of patalysis at will. It takes some high focus, and becoming conscious of your physical body vs your sleeping self. You CAN move, it's just difficult. Jerk your head, snap your eyes open, or set an alarm if this planned. You'll feel intense heaviness upon waking and a strange desire to fall right back to sleep, but you'll need to sit up straight and fully wake yourself up to end it, otherwise you'll just resume it as soon as you fall asleep again. There's probably a reason for that, actually. What I may have learned through these trials is that sleep paralysis might just be the nightly beginning of the sleep cycle that we aren't meant to be conscious for. Let me run my theory by you. There was a point in my life where sleep paralysis would occur every single time I slept. Every night, it'd start with a buzzing hum that I'd kind of "melt" into, like tinnitus slowly washing over til it's all you can hear. And suddenly, I can't move. Horrific entities bearing down on me.I don't need to go into detail, you've been there. I didn't understand why, until I slowly realized I'd been conscious of the entire business of falling asleep - and that it was a several-step process. Body falls asleep first, mind follows. That's why most people don't remember the act of falling asleep and just seem to become conscious in dreams once they've already begun without you. You're paralyzed because your body is dreaming and you aren't supposed to be conscious yet. It's perhaps a REM stage that's supposed to be painless, nothing. I tested this theory by forcing myself to be calm through my nightly episodes. They would happen regardless, so I may as well try to make them less horrific, right? I would slow my heart rate using breathing exercises. I observed what was happening rather than panicking, and noticed that crushing weight on my chest slowly shift into this peaceful, almost pleasant sinking-down feeling. Like heavy water pulling you down, like a cool blanket of static coccooning around you. And sink down I did - right through this strange buzzing dark haze and directly into dreams. Most of them starting lucid. I was completely conscious of them, sometimed even seeing the dream world "load in" and fill in textures and buildings and skyline. It was surreal. I tested this over and over, and every time got the same result. If I "survived" the paralysis and just calmed, I'd drop into dreams. Sometimes I'd litrrally feel myself sink into my bed, going "below" consciousness. Soon I mapped out the enitirety of the process. Waking, pre-sleep imaginings, those imaginings getting surreal as my brain drifted, static hum overtaking, the ordeal of paralysis, and then I'd sink into what I began calling "The Platform". It was this shifting midpoint between dream-awake where it'd allow me to choose my own dreams. Sometimes I'd see dreams floating movie-like in bubbles at the edge of a void, sometimes I'd see a hall of doors, sometimes I'd literally land on a platform and build dreams from nothing, sometimes I'd fall straight through the void and start the dream flying. Now, as an aside, I am someone who experiences chronic nightmares. Almost all of my dreams have some "horror" element to them, to the point where I've learned to forcibly wake myself up by snapping my "real" physically eyes open. Now I'm overall

able to exert control over them, and overall more conscious of the state of dreaming. I can enjoy them like first-person horror movies and nope the hell out when shit gets too Sideways. The only ones that get me bad now are ones that feel real enough to hurt (real world fears like loved oned dying) ordered ones that deal with a specific phobia that makes me lose my shit. A lot of the method seems to do with "feeling" your real body outside of the dream and understanding that your dream/metaphysical(?) self is a separate entity. I wish I could describe how to do that better - its sort of how you center your body during grounding excersises. Forcing myself awake from nightmares and yanking myself out of sleep paralysis feel extremely similar. I've given myself a sort of Eject Button. Anyhow - I began talking to my SP entities and exerting some gentle control over the whole scene. Changing the power dynamic, de-escalating scary situations by joking with the entities, standing up for myself or catching them off guard. I still get terrifying incidents where I'm attacked or forced to view esoteric horrors, but, well.. I'm a horror movie fan. Sometimes creepy imagery is cool and enjoyable, and now I can cut it off if I want to. I'll even sass them if they get rude. I think I differ in beliefs with you in that I do believe that SP has a spiritual aspect (the same way that dreams do), but I recognize the psychological element as well. I think they go hand in hand, and in finding this I've been able to turn something that was deeply traumatizing into something pretty neat. Thanks for listening, friend. I'm sure this is long and rambling, but I felt like I needed to tell someone, and you seemed like the right person to tell. Be well, I hope you have pleasant dreams, or at least that your nightmares are very cool.

this is actually very impressive, because yeah. this is exactly how and why sleep paralysis happens! I always find it interesting when people arrive at a theory through their own investigation, and it adds up with official findings -- if the time and the place had been a little different, you would have been the person to pioneer the theory! but essentially yes, this is precisely why it happens and why it can be used as a platform for lucid dreaming. when you sleep, your body enters a natural state of paralysis to ensure that you don't injure yourself while sleeping. sometimes this goes wrong, but the usual failure is seen in sleepwalking -- the paralysis stops, the body wakes, the mind does not, and the person wanders around acting out their dreams or perhaps going about their usual morning routine on autopilot.

sometimes, though, it's the other way around. your brain is still awake, but your body is asleep. your dreams translate as vivid hallucinations, you can't move because of the natural paralysis (and this feeling translates itself as a heaviness, especially on the chest, resulting in the all-too-common description sleep paralysis has become known for: the feeling of something sitting or pressing on your chest) and the feeling of dread is likely because of the realisation somewhere deep down that something is very wrong; that you're not supposed to be experiencing this. some people theorise that's why sleep paralysis is overwhelmingly a terrifying event -- rarely do you hear stories of pleasant hallucinations, and this is likely because of the fact we're terrified on some level, aware that something is very unusual. combine this with the fact that sleep paralysis happens to most people only rarely -- once or twice in their lives -- and it's clear that many people don't have the opportunity to understand what happened and become familiar with it.

you're also correct in your observation that moving a small part of the body can snap you out of it. generally it's better to focus on a small part -- moving all of you is too much, but focusing on a small part like a finger or toe is much more effective. it takes a lot of effort, but the effect on the paralysis is instantaneous. the dread and the heavy feeling may take a while to pass, though. another trick to minimise how unpleasant sleep paralysis is is to keep your eyes closed. you can still sense things, and some people might hear things, but overwhelmingly the worst hallucinations are visual. keeping your eyes closed means you at least don't have to see what's crawling up your bed!

I'm like you in the way that I enjoy horror, and I also find sleep paralysis fascinating. now that I know what it is and how to get out of it, I very often just let it run its course -- at least until things get too repetitive or spooky, and then I snap myself out of it. it's absolutely incredible to see what tricks the human mind can play. the hallucinations are so incredibly real, and it's a brilliant opportunity to observe while being in no real danger. only a couple of times have I come across something genuinely paranormal during a sleep paralysis episode -- or what I thought was one, anyway. thankfully it doesn't mimic it exactly, so I can continue to enjoy watching the wild shit my brain comes up with in relative peace.

[http-skzhyuns]

be there | skz b.c

a bang chan scenario; heavy angst/fluff warnings: anxiety/panic, depressive themes, mild swearing, mentions of self-hatred, implication of self-harm words: 2k+

a/n: please tell me if there’s something i forgot in the warnings. this is unedited, i haven’t been feeling great for a while now, so i guess, this one is more of a self-indulgent/pep-talk fic or smth. if you have any request or would like to interact, my asks are open :) please remember that if you needed someone to talk to, i’m willing to listen. x 

―

you’ve been spending your whole week inside your apartment. most times, you allow the time to pass by laying on your bed, staring at nothing, or sleeping. you lost count of how many times your phone has rung in the last few days ― you barely even look at it anymore, except for the times you have enough energy to at least tell one person that you’re doing okay and that there’s nothing to worry about.

except, they all knew it’s a lie.

your phone has about 50 notifications from calls and messages you got from the members, your family, and friends. your heart is shattering knowing you’ve put them in great distress by making them worry about you ― hell, if you could just pick up the right amount of energy to communicate and let them in, you’d do so in a heartbeat, just to set their heart and mind at peace.

but, it’s been a long withstanding war between you and your mind when it comes to letting people in and seeing you weak. chan pointed this out to you long before you even entered the relationship, but you just can’t easily put your guard down, especially not when you’ve had it up for years.

your eyes zoomed into the little succulent placed on the corner of your room. it was given to you by chan when you celebrated your birthday last year. since then, it has made its presence known in your room, giving it a bit more personality and magnifying the air of calmness in your little nook. your chest tightened at the memory; you miss chan, you have been mentally beating yourself up since this episode started because all you wanted to do right now is to have chan by your side and have his arms wrapped around you, but your barriers renders you unable to do so.

lost in your thoughts, you didn’t even notice it when tears suddenly started dripping from your cheek… one… two... until it continuously flowed. your body felt weak, as your week flashed in your mind — the memory appears like a reel behind your lids. how you pretended to be cheerful in your workplace only to come home and be welcomed by the familiar emptiness as soon as you get home. you felt your body crashing on the floor as your chest began tightening. there’s not much room for air in your lungs but the floor is wide enough to fill up with your unrelenting tears.

if only i did things differently, surely, something must have changed? you thought to yourself.

stupid, so fucking stupid.

at this point, even you have no idea what you’re chiding yourself for. your brain will dig up all your memories, even the smallest, inconsequential things that you did — no matter how old it was. you bit your lip trying to reign in your cries, your hands crawled upwards and towards your scalp, tearing through it and locking your hair strands into a tight grip.

your clothes seems to be one of those bad decisions right now; the pair of shorts and ratty t-shirt allows your skin to be in your line of sight. the scars that marred your skin — on usual days, are faded and doesn’t bear any hold over you, for you have learned to accept them after a long warring within yourself. but, in times like this, they’re glaring reminder of everything you wish you haven’t done and a long line of insecurities.

looking down at the faded jagged lines, your eyes from your tears and at last, an anguished cry teared through your throat. fuck, i’m so sorry.

please, you whispered quietly into the empty room.

a loud, incessant ring pierced through your bedroom, making you flinch as it brought you back to reality.

your eyes wildly scanned the room, looking for the source of the sound. even the ringtone was unfamiliar, but as it continuously rang, you realized it was your work phone haphazardly tucked in one of your table drawers. moving sluggishly, you crawled your way near the drawer to get the phone. trying to compose yourself before picking the call up, knowing it’s probably a call from the office, you tried to stabilize your breathing. but, you were shocked to find chan’s name in the caller i.d.

this time, you picked up his call. you didn’t even bother hiding the fact that you were crying. as soon as his soft voice echoed through the speaker, you began to sob.

“y/n? hey? what’s wrong?” chan tried to keep his voice calm.

the ceiling looks empty, you thought to yourself as you tilt your head upward, “i’m sorry.”

chan felt like he was knocked out of air when he heard you apologize brokenly over the phone.

“no…no… you don’t have to be sorry, okay?” he whispered softly, his voice raspy with emotions as he anxiously paced around his studio, looking for his wallet, jacket and his car keys.

he knew there is something wrong the moment you dropped contact from almost everyone last week. he knew from experience that you prefer being left to your own devices until you feel okay enough to acknowledge it. but, even if you refused to let his visit you for long periods of time, he would still come knocking at your door from time to time or blow up your phone until he knows that you’re okay.

this was the very first phone call that you initiated after a week and you were crying, it was enough to bring alarm to chan.

his whole body felt cold, jittery even but he tried to calm himself down so he can safely drive to your place. he kept the phone call going, connecting the call in his car so he can talk to you while driving.

“i.. just… i don’t know, chan,” you whispered raggedly into the phone, the tears never stopping. your head began pounding not too long ago and your body felt tired. but, the tightness in your chest never eased, it’s just there, making you grow uncomfortable as each minute pass by.

“it was just a bunch of stupid decisions i made, but somehow, it still haunts me to this day,” you breathed, choking towards the end of your words. as you closed your eyes, you can almost remember how it felt, the familiar rush you felt — it was never the good kind, and it always fuels your self-hatred after every single line.

the walls and ceilings looks emptier than ever. you clutched  your shirt tightly in your fist, willing the tightening in your chest to ease and the memories to fade along with it.

while his voices appeared calm and gentle to your ears, his insides are on a turmoil, wanting nothing more than to be by your side this instant. he is scared out of his wits, he is terrified of the scene he might see when he reached your apartment. but, at the moment, the fact that you’re still on the line is enough to lessen his fear and nerves.

“baby, listen to me, alright?” his inquiry is met with silence, “y/n, baby, are you listening?” he tried one more time, his voice cracking from its calm façade.

your sobs and low hum was enough of a reply to him, so he decided to continue. “you don’t have to be sorry, okay? your scars are a reminder of a battle that you won and you’ll continue to win.” he trailed off, swallowing back his tears as he nears your place.

“just stay on the line… please… just until the pain subsides,” you whispered into the phone. shirt remaining clutched tightly in your fist with your breathing slightly labored.

he inhaled sharply, “of course, baby. just answer one question for me, okay?” when you replied with a quiet ‘yes’, he continued talking. “you’re not hurt?” there’s a silence between the both of you.

“…i think, i feel empty enough that it hurts.”

“okay,” he breathed in sharply. “okay, wait for me. i’ll be there, baby. for now, I want you to breathe through your nose. follow my counting, okay?” he parked his car before running through your building, being mindful not to alert you of the change in his breathing so he can assist you better during the breathing exercise.

“I’m right outside, okay? it’s okay. you’re doing great, baby,” he assured you before you heard the sound of your door opening and closing and there stood chan looking restless as his eyes frantically look over your body and around it, looking for any sign that you’re hurt. you heard a him dropping the call as your eyes raked over his features, as if it’s making sure that chan is not a figment of your imagination.

finding no sign of you being hurt, he began approaching you, he can’t help the way his heart clenched as he fought his own nerves. you both know it’s not physical pain that you need to be worried about right now. his arms slowly cradled you in a hug as he sank to his knees beside you. once again, your sobs echoed in the room as you desperately clung to him — both feeling relieved and scared; relieved, as you felt the familiar warmth and smell the scent of chan; scared, because this gaping hole you felt inside of you seems bigger than you’ve ever known.

his fingers went to your hair, gently stroking to offer you some comfort and kissing the top of your head.

“you’re doing great, y/n. you’re strong. this isn’t bigger than you. YOU are bigger than this, and if i have to run all the way here or call you every day just to remind you that, i’d do it in a heartbeat.”

chan moved the both of you to your bed. with your head placed on his chest, he continued his ministrations on your hair.

“… when i look at myself, i remember all the things i did in the past and hate myself for it,” you quietly whispered, staring at his shirt.

“…sometimes, when the self-hatred are fostered in my system, it makes me want to cut ties with everyone i love because i feel like i’m bound to hurt or disappoint them at one point,” you continued, occasionally clutching on to his shirt before letting it go.

“i know, i know i’ll always have you and everyone to count on. i know you’re willing to lend me that strength, chan. but, it’s been so long since i last did that, this is all i’ve ever known.”

chan’s hand slowed to a stop before he used both of his arms to hug you. “i know it’s hard for you and i know you’re trying your hardest to change that. but, we’ll be here to help you find your footing. hell, i don’t care how long it takes, progress doesn’t need to have a timeline, y/n.”

“… as long as you keep trying to move forward, that’s all that matters. your past? you’ve grown from that, haven’t you?” he said, his voice tickling your ears. you hugged him tighter, forcing your eyes shut as you try to will your tears away.

“i’m tired of crying,” you whispered.

“it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to let it out. it’s okay to lean on somebody,”

“-- i love you, i’ll always be here for you, okay? you don’t have to shoulder all of this on your own,” he said, kissing the top of your head. you looked up before placing a kiss on his cheek, the kiss lasting a little longer than usual peck. chan knew what the kiss meant – it was you acknowledging him and being grateful for him.

“i’ll pick myself up again,” you whispered, albeit unsure but when you felt chan squeezing your hand in assurance, your anxiety eased and the gaping felt like it shrunk. not by a lot, but enough to let the warmth of the person beside you to seep in. 

“i’ll be there to lend you hand, if you needed one,” and it was enough for you. back to square one, huh? you thought to yourself. maybe not, just a small mishap during the journey, i guess.

[dylanxmin]

painkiller ∣ 1 ∣ j.hs

breakups are habitual, ordinary maybe even easy for some other people, and maybe it could be easy for you, too, if you haven’t been dumped by your boyfriend after finding out that you were pregnant. no, it wasn’t easy even a bit. and a stranger who wants to be your side doesn’t make this all easy for you, at all.

pairing; jung hoseok x reader  

genre; angst,  pregnancy au, strangers to lovers au, single!mom au,,

warnings; angst and more angst, but we have slight humor and mother comfort, don’t worry, side with swearings,, 

ratings; nc17

word count; 4.7k

a/n; oh, here is the first episode!! i was so nervous and couldn’t decide if i should post this episode or not, so i’ll need your feedbacks, but pls be gentle with me shsfds,, hope you’ll like this fic, and be with me on this journey,, love y’all ♡

˚masterlist˚ ➭ next 

'It is good news, you are not sick. You're pregnant.'' 

The familiar voice starts to repeat on your mind, over and over again, for almost a thousand times, while you're sitting on the sidewalk, tears falling down on your face, and people who pass by you with furrowed brows. Thankfully, you were too fucked up to care for people's thoughts about you. 

In fact, you will not care for anyone from now on, as you decided. In the end, no one cared for you, even your boyfriend who had grabbed his stuff from your apartment, after hearing your current situation. Pregnant. Pregnant and from him, obviously. 

He had a point to freak out, as it was a very unexpected situation, but you never thought that he would leave you, and the thing that recently starts to grow in you. You'd tried to find a way to deal with this, as you had limited options such as abortion or, registering yourself for the people who try to adopt babies. But he decided to choose the easiest way, run away from you and the responsibilities. Great way to end a three-year relationship. Just great. 

So here you are, crying until your eyes pop out, having great pain and a growing human inside of you, while still sitting on the sidewalk. You couldn't bear to stay in that home, all alone and all dumped. Besides, his perfume was still pervaded all around the place. So you found yourself on the outside, walking until you feel dead tired, finally letting yourself to sit on the ground, where everyone pities your current situation, and some of them walk distantly from you like you were going to bite them. Huh! Idiots. 

''U-uh, is she okay?'' 

''I think she drunk bro, should we help her?'' 

You heard two men speaking close to you, but didn't mind looking at them or, give an answer. No, you were not drunk, but badly wished to be drunk at this point. You already feel wasted, so it would better for you to numb your mind right now, but you were banned from drinking because of the thing in your belly. 

''Are you okay?'' a timid touch starts to poke your shoulder, which you turn right away, annoyed gaze of yours placed on the person who bothers you. After your swift move, he flinched, looking at you with wide worried eyes. You couldn't distinguish his face right away, due to the dark street, and your eyes were blurry from all the crying so it wasn't only because of the dark. ''I'm sorry. I don't want to disturb you, but you look like in a need of help.'' 

''Well, the good news that I don't need any of your help.'' you talk back without even thinking for a moment, but this time your eyes get used to the dark and could choose the man's face. You could see his furrowed brow, above on the narrowed eyes, even in the dark you could see his smooth skin, boned face stood in there perfectly. ''Then why are you crying? Are you drunk?'' 

''Hoseok, I guess we need to leave her alone.'' you almost forget that there was another man, standing right beside the man who is closer to you. A tall man with blonde hair, as you could choose his hair due to the street light, hitting right at his head. ''Yes, listen to your friend, leave me alone.'' 

Normally, you were not a person who acts like a rude brat, but at the moment, you were highly full of hate for everyone, and have zero-tolerance inside of you. But the man in front of you, simply shakes his head, slowly in disappointment. ''We can't leave her like...this.'' 

''Hey!'' instinctively you leaned to the man while yelling, as he was pointing at you while talking with his friends, and semi-insulting you. ''I'm not drunk and can look out for myself. So, leave.'' 

''Not gonna happen.'' as you watch the man while he was sitting right beside you, giving you a light smile, you stay in shock because of his attitudes. What was he thinking? ''I said lea-''

''You can leave Jin. I'm staying,'' he said without even letting you finish your words. You look at the other man, asking for help with your eyes, you wished that he would drag this lunatic from your side, but he just chuckled and start to walk without saying anything. What was happening? You look at the man's face once again, blink your eyes a couple of times, maybe he would vanish if you do it constantly, but he stayed there, all smiling at you. 

''Why don't you leave me alone?'' you exclaimed with wide eyes. A clingy stranger is the last thing you want on this day, and to be honest, every other day in your life. You had enough problems in your life, and adding another was your least request in life. “You look like you need a friend.” 

“I don’t know what is going on in your mind but we are not friends,” you said after his words leave you in surprise. This man is a lunatic, for sure. How could he think that even if you needed a friend, would you expect it from a total stranger? It’s just not something normal to think. 

“Okay, insult me all you want, but still you need someone. It is very obvious by your...face.” his eyebrows raised with his last word, but lips were curled in sympathy. He didn’t look like a threat for you, at least by giving him a look, everyone would think this way about him, you supposed. His eyes sparkling under his lashes, trying to reach you, help you with the intention you couldn’t understand. 

“If you are staying, then I’m leaving.” you stand up, sloppily. The quick move caused dizziness and before you could get ready to brush the sidewalk with your face, two hands grabbed you, hold you on line. “Are you sure about not being drunk?” under his giggle, you heard his voice once again, but very close this time. Breaths of him brushing your cheeks, chest touching your shoulder. 

“I’m good,” you said simply, pushing him slightly as you feel uncomfortable with the closeness of this stranger, and he gets the message as taking a small step back from you. When his hands on your arms start to loosen, without waiting for another minute, you start to walk, away from this man. You did not like the sudden affection, at the moment that you wanted to be alone while pitying yourself and crying a lot. You did not want to comfort by a stranger, who is probably after your lungs, or something. 

A cold breeze hits your face, as you start to walk toward the wind, even though it was mid-august, the weather was enough for you to get chills over a breeze. In a way of habit, you start to rub against your arms with both of your hands. The street you were walking down was slightly dark, under your blurry sight, the light provided by the streetlights were not enough for you to see everything clearly, but you couldn't care less about that now, as your heart still itching in sorrow, your legs were worn out from all of your previous walks. 

You had no idea about what to do with this whole pregnancy situation, how to deal with you being pregnant and all. You were feeling blue about the abortion, but you could think of adoption when your mind not clouded by all of these thoughts. It was a better idea than others when you think about it. As a woman who is twenty-six, barely hold her shits together while trying to live a decent life like every living person, and now, you had a raisin on your belly, who will grow the size of a kiwi, then a watermelon, and finally turn into a real human, popping out from inside of you. 

Tiny shiver takes a trace on your back, starting from your neck and you suddenly stopped. Your chest starts to feel havier, vulnerability surrounds, and anxiety passively starts to hit in you, numbing your hands even though they were shaking violently. 

You don't want to be pregnant. 

Even if you use the option of adaption, you'll be pregnant for all of these months, nearly one year. Your heart starts to beat even faster now, unintentionally your right hand placed on your moving chest. 

You don't want to give birth.

It was the most painful thing in this world for god sake, and obviously, you didn't want to feel that. An actual human being would come out from you, inside of you. Even the idea of giving birth was enough to give you vertigoes, and if you feel like this even with thinking of it, how could you survive from an actual birth? Hell no! 

You were going to sue that condom brand and spend the money you get from them to buy a new house, a car, and taking yourself on a holiday. Yes, you were going to this.

While you were walking to your house with anger and anxiety in your heart, as today would be your first day without him, you weren't sure if you are ready for this or not. Nevertheless, you had no other choice but to go to your home, other than sleeping in the street or going to your friend's house which is a way worse choice than staying in the street. 

After fifteen minutes of walking, you reached your house, try to ignore the familiar scent where it was sunk in everything in your house. Sheets, pillows, couch, and stupid towels. Even in the fucking curtains, there was his scent. The rough spiced perfume of him got too familiar after years of living in here and left its ruins everywhere. Even though you wanted to wipe his perfume from everywhere, you were too worn out for doing that. Rather, you lay on the bed, take a shape of a ball, crawling, and crawling until your knees touch to your chest. 

It was such a lame move, but you couldn't stop yourself from reaching the other pillow from his side and take a deep breath, filling your lungs with the familiar perfume, additionally you felt heartbroken, drained. Your body starts to shake violently against to pillow, tightened your arms around it, and let yourself wet it with your tears. You didn’t care about making a mess right now. 

Sweet sleep slowly takes you into its arms, tears start to dry on your face while your mind blocked from functioning anymore. As you strained yourself for all day, now your muscles start to pain, due to relaxing. While you were sinking into sleep, and having zero clue about the man who starts to walk oppositely from your apartment to where he should attend twenty minutes before he met you. 

He felt like a complete creep, but he couldn't leave you like that, so down in the dumps. And he would happily walk with your side, only if you let him help you, instead of following you, afraid of seeing by you. A part of Hoseok didn't want to leave you all alone, wanted to help you. For a moment, he thought that he was going to get caught, when you suddenly stopped at the street, freeze for a couple of minutes. He has to admit that he never sees a person as this torn up. 

He clearly had no idea about what was going on with you, but he hope that you could put everything in order. He speeds up, smiles when a memory comes back to his mind, hands in his pocket. ''What a night,'' he sighed, shaking his head with the same smile. He finds himself very amused by the way you treated him. When he finally arrives at the place, where he should be there about half an hour ago, the memory of you slipped away, placed on back of his mind only as a weird memory. 

You have to change your life choices, for real from now on. This idea came across to your mind, while you are walking under the hot sun, sweat dripping from your forehead, and you constantly wiping it with the back of your hand. Jeez. Does it have to be this hot? Or, do you have to be this stupid to choose parking your car far away from your destination stop, and deciding to walk on this hot day? No surprise that you were pregnant with these senses, to be honest. Shit.

After your 'crying and doing nothing other than laying on your bed' sessions coming to an end, as you were pregnant and have to find a new doctor for your current situation, you forcefully leave the bed. You had to find a new doctor because of your stupid temper. The one where you learned that you were pregnant, she was a good doctor, and there was nothing wrong with her if you hadn't had a panic attack while crying, screaming, and ruining her office. Obviously, there is no way that you can go back to her office and continue like there is nothing happened, like you didn't humiliate yourself in front of her. No way.

Searching and finding a decent doctor on the internet took your two days. Finally, you find Dr. Kim, according to his patients, he was the best doctor. Further, he was incredibly handsome, once again, addition to his patients. However, you didn't want to learn his physical appearances because you were done with them. You neither want to date with another man nor want to talk with a man to be specific. 

Plus, you were pregnant and no man would want to deal with you and with the thing inside of your belly. To be honest. 

After fifteen minutes of walking, you find the hospital. Dude, it was huge and fancy. Of course that doctor has to be the best at his job, otherwise, how could he work in such a fancy hospital? You thrilled that finally you were going to sit for a moment and rest, but a thought came to your mind. You take your phone from your pocket to examine your face. You look like crap, and it was so obvious that you were sluggish. There is no way that you were going there while looking like this. 

Yes, maybe you said that you were done with men and all, but you weren’t dead, right? 

''Okay... I guess,'' you murmured to your reflection on the phone, putting it back to your pocket. Now, you were ready to meet with Dr. Kim. At least you were looking like a human now. 

''Come in,'' after knocking and hearing his call, you take a breath and headed to inside of the room. A sheepish smile appeared on your lips, after seeing the man who is probably Dr. Kim. Now you understand why all of these people were rooting for him. He is handsome. His oval-shaped face, spotless skin, and his lively brown eyes. Perfection. ''Hey, you must be Y/L/N Y/N, come in-''

When he eyed you for the second time, he stopped. Eyes of him checking your face, narrowed as if he was looking for something, and you start to feel uncomfortable under his gaze but continued to look at his face. The face that has no flaw on- Shit! After a quick moment of realization, you understand why this man was staring at you while raising his thick dark brows.

''You are the drunk girl!'' he squeaked while pointing at you. 

''And you are the one who is a friend with that annoying boy!'' you stated, hands placing on your hips, profound anxiety starts to build in you. And it takes a while before you could object what he said before, but he was fast. 

''You are pregnant?'' he declared but it was kind of a question that where he was trying to adjust your situation.

 ''No, I just love to make appointments with gynecologists.'' you leered but your smile was soft, as you didn't want to offend him. His quizzical looks changed after a minute, straighten his back, and his judgy glares scanning you from head to toe. Okay, it was getting uncomfortable right now. ''You were drunk while expecting a baby?'' he scolded, brows narrowed.

''I was drunk?'' you repeat, hands on your hips now tightened around there. How could he accuse you of something like this? Yes, maybe you were not happy about being pregnant but you weren't some ignorant brat who would consume alcohol while pregnant. 

''Yes, you were crying and looking all... messed up,'' his voice turns into a whisper in the end, which you appreciated how he manages to think about your pride, even in the last moment. But, you still heard him and your blood start to boil in your veins. 

''Who are you? Social worker?''

''I am a very decent doctor, who would not accept a patient who isn't taking care of herself and her baby.'' he criticized, hands crossed under his wide chest. You couldn't decide if he is a really good doctor while treating like garbage to his patients, but it meant that he cares for them, you guessed. 

Normally, you would walk out from there in rage, but you wanted to be a good patient, who would take care of that bean, very well. So, you gave up, shrugged your shoulders, and fixed your attitude. ''I wasn't drunk. I was just having a panic moment. Seriously.'' after examining your words, he nods. From his unreadable face, and flatten lips you only get that he was done with you, not wanting a client like you, and you didn't surprise by that. Even though you needed him desperately. 

''Okay, then.'' he takes you by surprise, a heartwarming smile appears on his plumpy lips. You feel very appalled with his sudden agreement, heart race start to go back to its normal beat. ''Take a place on there so we can check on what's going on with the little baby.'' he points your back. You turn back to see another room, where the door is open, so you can see the parts of a stretcher. You gave him a small, sullen smile while heading to another room. 

Everything is going to be alright. You repeated inside of your head, try to calm your mind and heart, nonplussed by the current situation as taking hesitate steps. You will be going to figure out something. You always do. It is your best ability, you can get through this. 

''Oh, we really have a little baby in here, don't we?'' Dr. Kim, sending you a reassuring smile, pressuring the ultrasound's part to under your stomach. Your hands were still clenching to your palms, anxiety starts to build in you when Dr. Kim put the gel first time. And it was still there. Eating your soul, confusing your mind. ''Do you want to take a look?'' 

After your gaze meets, you shake your head swiftly. It was too soon, you think while sweat starts to appear on your forehead, your pulse beating on your head. You feel like you were going to throw up. ''N-no,'' you could only manage to whisper. 

''Well... okay. I will give you the photo in case you change your mind, but it's okay, Y/N.'' contrary to his words, you could catch his bewildered gaze for a second, but he tried to cover it up with a bright smile. ''You can get up,'' he takes himself back, resting his back on the chair, intentionally not looking at you. You appreciate this act, and quickly fixed your clothes, zipping your jean back. 

''Little baby is almost six-week now,'' he reports while taking his place on his desk, still smiling. Probably he understands your situation, how anxious you are, and not ready for all of this. And, it's all can read by your face to be honest, as you constantly chew your bottom lip, eyes looking all brooding. ''and everything is fine, there is nothing to worry about.'' he continues, trying to catch your attention. 

''Oh... good, right?'' 

''Yes, of course, it is good, Y/N,'' he reassures you once again, eyes staring you pityingly. You wonder if he ever had a patient like you before, you hope that he had, didn't want to be the stranger patient/to-be mother. You want this come to an end because all these things only made you anxious and upset. Upset because you were all alone in this room, having grain rice on your belly without the daddy by your side. You continue to chew your lip, playing with your fingers scared to look at Dr. Kim's face because it reminded you that this was all real, and happening to you. The one truth you wanted to run away, even though you can't. 

''Okay, Y/N, we are going to see each other one time a month, but if you want to ask me or feel like somethings wrong, you can come here, okay?'' he pauses from taking notes to be sure that you understand what he said, and you nod, not knowing what to say to him. He gives you a warm smile before continuing to talk. ''If you have morning sickness, you can try to eat several meals but with smaller portions, drinking plenty of fluids...'' his voice feels like it was coming from far away, as your mind clouded by your overthinking. 

This is how it is going to be now? You visiting Dr.Kim, one time in a month, then it will turn out to every two weeks in a month, then every week? A side you have to be careful what you eat, drink, and adjusting your sleeping schedule due to the thing in your belly needs resting. You have to take vitamins as Dr.Kim says you will need them, and the list goes on and on like that. 

Why no one asks if you are ready or not? If you want this or not? What if you don't want to sleep all night, inject your body lots of caffeine and things like that? 

Dr. Kim stops talking after seeing your hands shaking violently, your eyelids filled with tears due to your mini-panic attack. You feel that he was calling your name but your mind still overthinking. 

''Y/N, can you hear me? Can you focus on me?'' you stop thinking after your vision starts to get clear again. Dr. Kim's face now closer to yours, checking on you to make sure that you are okay, and he gets back after seeing you better. 

''Oh... I-I'm sorry. I'm okay,'' you mumbled the first word comes to your mind, but he eyes you worriedly. He takes a deep breath before heading back to his place, sits on his chair. 

''If you feel truly okay, this is all for today's visit,'' he holds out the notes he takes while talking with you, ''but are you sure that you are okay? If you want we can make a little check on you.'' he adds, forehead furrowed scanning your face. Can you say that you weren't excepting to be pregnant and now your anxiety eating you alive? You didn't think so. 

''I'm okay, but thanks for your wonder,'' you forced a smile to reassure him, not wanting to be here anymore. 

''Of course, we will see each other for a long time. I'll always double-check you from now on, Y/N,'' his smile gets wider while you take the notes from his hand, adjusting your purse on your shoulder to get ready to get going. He holds up his hand, takes you into a handshake, eyes darting yours shining bright. ''Just know that you are not alone in this, okay?'' 

You gave him a big smile, not forcing this time. ''Thank you,'' you said before heading outside from his office. Now you did understand why people adored this man so much. He is not only good at his job but also caring and wants to make sure that you can rely on him. You surprised how your heart eased a bit after hearing his words, even though he was only doing his job, it made you feel a little less worry about this whole pregnancy thing. Maybe you need to ask help from the people who would willingly do. As the thought of getting help looked less scary, you take your phone from your purse to call the only person who could help you with this situation. 

''Oh, I'm sorry baby, I was watching a movie on Netflix. I needed to run here. Oh, I missed hearing your voice, baby,'' after a couple of minutes you listening to the beeps coming from the other side of the line, finally you hear the very excited voice. 

''And, you didn't even let me say anything, Mom,'' you whine while sitting on a bench in front of the hospital. ''but I missed you, too,'' you heard her laugh from the phone, you could imagine how her eyes crinkled while she laughs, and warmness filled your heart with the thought of your mom. 

''Oh, silly girl, just visit me when you had the chance or even better idea, create the chance, right?'' your mom's laugh fills your ear once again as she continues to mock you, ''two hours of car drive is not that long honey,'' 

You let out a sob, mixing with a giggle, covered your face with your hand. You really missed her, the comfort she gave you, and all the laughter you have when you two get together. She could win the best mother award without a doubt, you think. 

''So tell me what's wrong with my baby?'' her tone changed to smoother one, always manage to surprise you with her maternal instincts. Your eyelids fill with tears once again, a bump takes its place on your throat, making it hard for you to talk. ''I didn't say something was wrong, Mom,'' 

''Oh, c'mon. You call me and stay silent without mentioning about your new game? Don't be a silly baby and tell me what's wrong,'' she claimed to make you giggle between your tears. She was right as always, but you wait for a couple of minutes before telling her the big news. She wouldn't be mad at you or scold you for not being more careful, but you still get cold feet to talk about this topic with her. You take three deep breaths before starting to talk, as your mother says you to do this before making something you afraid to.  

''Do you remember how you had me, Mom?'' your voice breaks before you could end your sentence, but you hear your mother giggle on the other side of the line. ''Oh, of course, I do. You were the best yet, shocking surprise ever, honey. You know that I love you so much, but God knows how I was shocked.'' she continues her giggle, turning into a laugh. 

''Yeah, I know,'' you whispered, wiping your tears to fix your posture. ''I guess it's our legacy, Mom,'' your words cut her laugh like a knife. You heard that she takes three deep breaths and it cause you to scoff. She was probably having a deja vu at the moment, and you couldn't blame her for needing to take a moment to talk back. 

''Oh baby, we have lots of things to talk about, don't we?'' you could understand that she was about the cry by her voice, so were you. You hang up the phone after agreeing and saying that you will visit her soon. You did need her support at a topic like this, her comfort and her delicious so-called homemade cookies. You both knew that she wasn't the best at cooking, but you let her fool you. You covered your face with your palms, waiting for your strength to come back to you, so you could head home, having a warm bath, and then cry at your bed, like in the past days. 

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[ikevamp-shrine]

Ikevamp boy’s with a suicidal s/o

Author: @ikevamp-shrine

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire

Character(s): Isaac, Vincent, Theo

Warnings: blood, self harm, attempted suicide

I really don’t like how I wrote Isaac’s, but I’m really tired and I wanted to put something out so... yeah.

1-800-273-8255 Suicide Hotline Number

Vincent 

“You know... I shot myself.”

Vincent’s soft words that emitted from the direction of the door startled his s/o who was sitting on the couch in his room, a knife pressed to their wrists and tears streaming down their red, blotchy face.

“Vincent,” they gasped, dropping the knife, causing it to clatter against the paint stained hardwood flooring, as if it burned them to touch. As it fell the blade glinted in the sunlight as if it was reminding the painter of not only his past, but the present issue at hand. 

Vincent sighed before walking slowly over to his lover and sat down beside them, pulling them into his arms, and staring at the bright blue sky outside. How was the sky so happy when so many depressive emotions ran through the two of them? 

“I shot myself,” continued Vincent as he stroked the back of his trembling s/o, “there’s a rumor, a theory if you must, that a group of kids taunted me then shot me, and I lied by saying I shot myself to protect them.”

“There was no kids then?” The human asked quietly as they breathed in Vincent’s fresh, sunflower scent, calming the racing of their heart.

“No. There wasn’t. I also ate paint to poison myself,” the painter chuckled brokenly before continuing, “can you imagine that? Eating paint to try and kill yourself? Imagine how strange it would have been... walking in on me eating paint, the colors smeared all over my face, teeth stained different colors.”

His s/o began to cry softly once more, their body shaking every once in a while as they took in deep breaths. The sun was warm on their bodies... if only that warmth reached their hearts.

“Why would you do that Vincent?” 

The blonde man shifted his stare to his s/o’s eyes staring up at him with hurt and sadness, his eyes softening as he reached a hand up to brush away a tear sliding down their face.

“The same reason you had that knife against your skin. I felt alone, scared, and well sad. I thought that if I left everything behind I would be happy... those around me who I thought didn't care for me, but only for my skills, would be happy.”

“How wrong I was,” Vincent laughed again, kissing the top of his lovers head, “the moment I laid on my death bed, I regretted every once of paint and lead I put in my body. I thought I was alone in life, I wasn't, and six months after my ‘death’ Theo died. I killed my brother because I killed myself.”

“Do you understand what I’m saying _____?” Vincent smiled down at his s/o after whispering the question.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t hurt yourself because you start to be a problem for others,” the human joked sarcastically as they rolled their eyes.

Vincent joined them with a small giggle before saying, “no, mijn schatje, I’m saying that no matter how alone you feel there is always someone there for you. You might not have them then and there, but they might be there for you in a day, month, year, or at the very end of your life. I’m also saying that you have eleven men just a few feet away from you that would do absolutely anything for you.”

“Sure, whatever you say. Though I doubt Mozart would even pass me the salt, much less do anything for me.”

Vincent sighed, shook his head before pulling away from his s/o, putting his hands on their shoulders, and spoke with purpose in his voice, “you have no idea how much they adore you, how they speak with love about you. Even Mozart talks about you,” Vincent trailed off, glancing to the side and muttering, “though in his own special way. Anyway... before you do anything to yourself again, or have thoughts about doing something, please come find one of us. We will listen, especially Theo- though he’ll never say it aloud, he loves you just as much as he loves me, and wouldn’t hesitate to be there when you need him.”

Theo

“Put the damn paint down,” Theo growled as he walked into his brother’s room and instead of seeing his bright brother, saw his s/o staring at a tube of oil paint with a familiar glint in their eyes. A glint he saw many times in Vincent’s eyes before he tried to take his life only to end up prohibited from painting and put under watch.

“Why should I Theo?” They mumbled still not completely out of their trance.

Not answering, Theo stalked over to his lover before gently picking their fingers, one by one, off of the paint. The gentleness of Theo’s touch shocked the human out of their trance, his fingers lacked the usual roughness and it brought stinging tears to their eyes. One shaky breath and their legs fell out from under them as Theo’s s/o plummeted to the ground. Theo followed them, roping his arms around their body that was rattling from their sobs.

“My brother did the same thing,” Theo whispered in his lover’s ear after a few moments of hearing nothing but their chocked sobs, “he would eat paint to try and kill himself.”

“I’m so sorry Theo... sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Look at you Hondjie, such a blubbering mess you are,” Theo chuckled as his incredibly soft eyes stared into his hurting lover’s as he once more delicately touched them, wiping tears from their cheeks. 

“Nice Theo.”

Theo laughed again as they still kneeled on the floor, holding each other. 

“_____, will you tell me what’s got you so riled up?”

“I don’t know... to be honest. Every since I was young I would have... episodes,” they said struggling to find the right words, “ episodes of just overwhelming sadness. It was almost like a hole in my chest I couldn't fill. I wouldn’t eat, I couldn't sleep, I felt like I couldn't breath, and I just felt so alone.” 

“I tried to take my life many times before, but I never could finish it,” they sighed deeply, “I was sad I was alive, and angry that I was too scared to end it. Pathietc right?”

“No, love, not pathetic at all,” Theo whispered as he picked his lover up and walked them to his room not far from Vincent’s before laying them down on the bed and pulling the covers up to their chin, tucking them in tightly to make them feel grounded. 

“I’m not good with words, ____, but I do know that when my brother was going through an attack what calmed him down each time was a long walk under the warm sun, a hug, and a nice chat,” Theo spoke gruffly as he took off his scarf among other things and crawled over the bed and covered his lover’s body with his own to add more weight onto the blankets. 

His lover yawned in his arms, exhaustion in their eyes, as Theo ran his calloused fingers through their hair.

“Go to sleep Hondjie, I’ll be here to protect you now and forever.”

After a few moments of comfortable silence Theo whispered, “what am I going to do with you, you little trouble maker,” when his s/o finally closed their eyes, and their breathing shallowed as they entered the dream realm.

Isaac

“My god,” Isaac whispered horrified at the amount of blood staining the carpet below his lover’s feet. Isaac, before, had been walking to his s/o’s room to retrieve a tool he had left behind the night prior. He had expected to see the human he had fallen for getting ready for bed or maybe writing as they did every night, but little did he expect to see a knife in their hands as they stabbed themselves in the thigh to hit an artery. Though luckily, they had missed.

Shooting off towards his paling s/o, Isaac barley even noticed the overwhelming scent of the blood that coated his hands, clothes, the floor, and his s/o, as he put enough pressure to bruise on their leg to stop the bleeding.

“What are you thinking _____?!” Isaac rushed out as the panic began to rise in his throat at the blank expression on his lover’s face. Ripping a long strip of the sheets on the bed close to them Isaac gently pushed his s/o down to lay on the floor so they wouldn’t pass out and fall. 

“I wasn’t- that's the problem Isaac, I just feel blank,” their raspy whispers triggered something in him. Isaac couldn’t exactly put a name to it all he did know is that it was suffocating. 

The physicist took in a deep breath to say something more when the scent of blood finally hit him full force. His fangs pulsed just like the blood pumping out of the wound on his lover’s leg, his pupils dilated, his breath quickened as he could slowly feel himself lose the already weak grasp on his self control.

“... Arthur... ARTHUR!” Shouted Isaac when he noticed his s/o’s eyes flutter closed.

“What Isaac- oh dear god,” Arthur huffed when he finally made his way through the door, only to run back out to grab his medical bag he kept in his closet, “KEEP PRESSURE ON IT, HARD PRESSURE!”

After many anxiety filled minutes and several stitches later, Isaac was sitting on a chair beside the bed, still in his lover’s room, watching as their chest rose and fell gently from under the warm covers. He sighed, running a hand down his stressed face, and closed his eyes, listening to the owl hooting and the crickets playing their song outside. 

“... Isaac,” came a small whisper, sounding almost like a plea for help, or a break from the loneliness. 

Shifting his tired eyes over to his lover, regret clear as day shining in their eyes, Isaac responded, “hello.”

“I’m sorry,” they said lolling their head to the side, hiding their face from the vampire. 

“What are you doing?” Confusion was prominent in Isaac voice, just as much as his lover when they spoke next.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean why are you trying to kill yourself and take yourself away from me? Did I do something wrong?” 

“...did I scare you?” Isaac questioned hesitantly, “are you lonely?”

His lover quickly looked back over to Isaac and shook their head furiously, “no Isaac, you didn’t scare me... I just... I don’t know, never mind.”

Isaac’s s/o sat up and threw the blankets off of them, sending a strong gust of blood scented wind his way, before he could stop them. Once more Isaac felt himself losing control as he growled out lowly, face flushed as red as the apples he is made fun of with each day, “never mind what _____? Damn it all, you have no idea how bad I want you, how much you make me lose control.”

“Show me Isaac, cause right now I really need someone to tell me how much they need me.”

“You know what _____? I’ll make you a deal- you tell me how I can help you and I’ll... absolutely ruin you,” muttered Isaac as his face got an even deeper red. He felt as if he was doing this all wrong, helping his lover that is. For Gods sake they just stabbed themselves and he is telling them he would screw them if they told him what was wrong. At least then he would have some idea as to what to do.

“Deal.”

MASTERLIST

[k-writer1998]

Rebel Hours (14/18)

Kwon Jieun always fit her parents’ image of the “perfect” daughter… at least to their knowledge. Away from prying eyes she was like any other girl living life to the fullest doing what she wants. When a little someone named Bang Chan comes into her life priorities are changed, mistakes are made, and her life finally becomes her own.

Fluff

w.c: 1.8k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Fiancé?” Chan growled through grit teeth.

“Yeah, sorry to ruin this adorable little… fling you’ve been having with her but we’re to be engaged.”

“Since when was I engaged to the likes of you?” I spat.

“Since our parents have been discussing it dear, don’t worry though. I’ll keep this little secret like you’ll keep mine. Just make sure to get rid of it when our engagement becomes official.”

“This engagement won’t be happening and I’ll make sure that my parents understand that.”

“You can try to fight it but I think you and I both know, parents of our circle will only do what’s “best” for their child.”

      He eyed Chan up and down before smirking. Every fiber of my being wanted to listen to the little devil on my shoulder that wanted to let Chan pummel him again but I knew better. That would just prove to my parents that Chan was "bad" and I won't let them drag his name like that.

"Get out of my face Kyunghoon. I want nothing to do with you and judging by the fading black eye you tried to hide with makeup and the cuts and bruises on your face, I'm not the only one."

      At the mention of the scars on his face his facade fell for a split second as I saw irritation flash across his features. A small sense of triumph filled me at his passing anger.

"Oh you'll come around and when you do I look forward to finally getting a taste."

      He leered at me, his eyes roaming my body, and the gesture brought the horrid memories of that night back. I could feel the trembles spreading through my system, finding a suitable victim to stick to through this anxiety episode. He took a step closer to me and my body moved further behind Chan, half hiding behind him now.

"See you around kitten, maybe by then you’ll have your claws too."

      As he walked past us Chan kept a steady glare on him, moving with Kyunghoon as he passed to completely shield me. Once he was gone I let out a shaky breath before I felt a gentle squeeze of my hand which I subconsciously reciprocated. Walking back to his apartment, neither of us said anything as we tried to piece together the events over the last few hours. I never thought my parents would stoop so low but it seems like the campaign is more important than their daughter… again. It wasn't until we were safely concealed within the walls of his apartment that my trembling broke free from my control. Upon hearing the rustling plastic, Chan quickly took the bag from my hand and put it on the counter before enveloping me in a hug.

"Shhhhh, it's okay to cry. You did great and I'm proud of how strong you are."

      Cry? Was I crying? I brought one of my trembling hands up to swipe under my eyes and I internally laughed. Was I crying because I was scared? Angry? Frustrated? Upset? I don't even know at this point. I just grabbed the hem of his shirt like a lifeline as I tried to calm myself down, it helped that Chan was rubbing circles on my back and whispering soft encouragement. After calming down enough I pulled away from his embrace a bit to look up at his face as I tried to give him a smile.

"I'm a mess, all I've been doing is cry lately. I'm sorry, if we were a normal couple we wouldn't be having to go through these types of problems," I chuckled as I wiped the last of my tears.

"It's not your fault. I don't mind the challenge as long as we get to stay together, you’re worth the effort." He ruffles my hair before adding, "Now how about I start on dinner?"

      I nodded in agreement as I followed him to the kitchen. We put away what groceries weren’t to be used before he shooed me out despite my protesting. Apparently him cooking a meal means that I can’t help or it will “defeat the purpose”… boys. Not wanting to just sit and wait, I leaned over the counter and accompanied him. Watching him move around the kitchen, he wasn’t completely accustomed but he wasn’t as lost as I thought he would be. Our conversation danced around the elephant in the room, trying to keep the atmosphere light and fun as Chan cooked. Although he was, from what I see, making spaghetti with sauce from the jar I do give him some bonus points as I watched him stir-fry some meat, garlic, onions, celery, and carrots together. He then mixed everything together before transferring the food to two plates. Topping it off with some parmesan, he eagerly watched for me to take a bite.

“Not bad Mr. Bang, so you can cook,” I roll my eyes.

      A triumphant smile bloomed on his face as he finally picked up his own fork. We ate in silence for a bit, wondering who would bring it up first. This time, luckily, it was him.

"Well at least we won't have to ask the guys to figure it out…" he tried to smile.

"The downside is we had to hear it from the most annoying mouth," I returned the gesture, not being able to quite make a genuine smile either.

"You told him you would talk to your parents, do you have a plan?"

"Kind of? There are a few things I need to look into but if my hunch is right, they'll back down."

"They will? How do you know they'll stop for good after you talk to them?"

"Because I know my parents and I know what matters most to them."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I just need a bit of hacking but Seunghee has that covered," I respond before taking his hand from across the table. "Just have my back yeah?"

"You don't even need to ask. I always will," he reassured.

      He brought our intertwined hands to his lips as he kissed the back of my hand. We finished our meal before settling in the living room to watch a movie. I texted Seungmin that I wouldn't be coming home tonight because although I wanted to watch the movie, I felt the drowsiness seep in. It didn't help that being cuddled up with Chan made me feel so safe and warm, at this rate I'll end up falling asleep. The big fight scene is coming up, gotta stay up… 

      I woke up smothered into Chan's chest, both of us tangled on the couch. Trying my best not to wake him, I attempted to wiggle free but his arms were like a vice grip on me. The best I could do was secure a few centimeters of space between us so I could breathe. With a sigh I stopped struggling and looked up at Chan’s face instead, taking in every dip and curve in his features. A smile curled on my lips as I noticed the knotted mess of curls that went every which way on top of his head. I gently poked at one of the curls until my fingers found its way to the outline of his lips. Not being able to help myself I gently leaned in to kiss him but before I could, a small squeak escaped my lips as I felt his hands brush the bare skin of my sides. He pulled me back into his chest again as he mumbled something incoherent and I let out a soft giggle.

“Five more minutes…”

“If you want five more minutes let me go,” I tease.

      Seeing as though he wasn’t responding to me, I decided to give him a quick peck on his chin. That caught his attention as he looked down at me with one eye open. Since he was still in a daze I took advantage of it and gave him another peck on his lips. This time both his eyes opened as a smirk spread on his face before he pulled me in and deepened the kiss.

“I like this change,” he said as he pulled away.

“What change?”

      Rather than respond he pulled me in for another kiss that had me rolling my eyes although I couldn’t hold back the smile. Not wanting to let him win, I teased him.

“If you like it so much, why did I have to make the first move? Drunk too I might add.”

“I would’ve made the first move if your friend Hyunjin didn’t call that time.”

“But there was ample time after so what made you wait hmmm?”

“I would rather you make the first move before I try and end up spooking you. Plus last time I remember someone was giving me the cold shoulder for a bit,” he teased back.

“Ouch okay I deserve that one,” I pout.

“Well you can pay me back by letting me sleep more.”

“Or… you can sleep more and I can make breakfast.”

“But it’s more comfortable with you.”

      We squabbled a bit more before I let him win, pulling me into him yet again. I decided to enjoy this little moment, the plan from yesterday slowly crawling its way back into my mind. The only thing keeping it at bay was his arms around me. When we finally got up I made pancakes and we enjoyed a peaceful breakfast before he dropped me home on the way to campus. I showered and changed into some comfortable clothes before I started to work on the pieces of my plan, the first part being my best friend.

“Good morning Seunghee!”

“This is unlike you, it’s not our usual call day. What’s up? Don’t tell me you messed up something else now,” she teased.

“Well… It’s a half update half asking for a favor. Which do you want to hear first?”

“The favor.”

“I know you’re busy but could you squeeze in some time to hack a server for me?”

“How secure is the server? Nothing too illegal right?”

“Just a hotel server. Footage from the gala to be specific.”

“Girl if that’s what you need I can email it to you now. I hacked the server the day you told me, I needed to know how severe he deserved to be punished. Good thing Chan did it for me.”

“Okay ready for the bad news?”

“Wait give me a second to sit down, I don’t like the sound of bad news.” She stopped me as I heard shuffling on the other line before she came back, “okay I’m good now.”

“My parents are trying to get me engaged to Kyunghoon.”

“They're WHAT?!”

“Nothing is officially released. It’s only a rumor for now. Most likely a warning to end things with Chan and going back to being their doll.”

“Do you have a plan?”

“Kind of… if worst comes to worst the footage will at least get me out of the engagement. Let’s just say this plan is playing fire with fire.”

“I don’t like the sound of that Jieun.”

“And I wouldn’t have to do it either if my parents listened any other way.”

[prince-claremont-diaz]

Whatever We Become  (Final Chapter)

Summary: In Lucas’ final year of high school before he has to face the real world, he comes across the new identical twins, Eliott and Leo. Needless to say, Lucas falls head over heels for both of them. 

Or The twin au absolutely no one asked for

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: none

Ao3 version

Chapter Twenty-One: All the minutes in the world

After break, Lucas had maths with Leo, who was already there at the table when Lucas arrived, typing something on his phone. He looked up as Lucas wandered over, grinning and sliding his phone into his back pocket.

"Hey, Lu, how are you?" he greeted, fist bumping Lucas as he sat down.

"Uhh, I'm good. I saw you talking to Eliott earlier," he replied, dropping his bag on the desk and opening it up.

"Yeah, just checking in after the last few days," he said, "How are things going with you guys now?" He leaned his elbow on the table between them, using his hand as a chin rest.

Lucas shrugged, slipping his bag onto the floor at his feet. "Pretty good. We had a bit of an argument yesterday, but we talked it over last night," he explained. "He's still pretty tired from his episode, I think, but we're taking it step by step, you know?"

"I'm glad you guys have had the chance to talk about it. He doesn't find that stuff easy." Leo put his hand on Licas' shoulder, squeezing lightly. "You guys will be okay. It's not always easy, but it's already obvious you're both willing to put all the effort into it and I think it shows how good you are for each other."

A pink flush crept up Lucas' face and he knocked their shoulders together. "Look at you getting cheesy about your brother again. How sweet," he teased, just barely dodging out of the way of Leo's elbow. Their laughter fizzled away as the teacher entered the room and Lucas dropped his voice, growing serious. "But really, thanks."

"Right back at you, buddy," Leo joked, plastering on a bright, cheesy smile. Lucas rolled his eyes, pulling the lid off of his pen to start writing

A few minutes later, while supposed to be going over their homework, a sudden memory floated into Lucas' head, gnawing at his thoughts and keeping him from concentrating on anything else. He put his pen down on the desk and turned back to Leo again. "I just thought of something…" he began, getting Leo's attention, "Remember a few weeks ago when you got in a fight? What was that about?"

Leo put his pencil down as well, chewing on his lower lip. "Charles was coming home with Eliott and I and we ran into some guys from our old school," he explained, voice low, "They knew about Eliott being bipolar and were making fun of him and I couldn't help it. I just punched one of them in the face. Charles got hit in the face by one of them when he tried to help me, but Eliott stormed away and refused to speak to me for hours."

"Why?"

Leo shrugged, glancing up to see if their teacher was watching. "I think he was embarrassed. He said he doesn't need me fighting people for him."

"Oh." Lucas cleared his throat. "I probably would have done similar." He lifted his hand, which was only just starting to heal, still badly scuffed and bruised.

"I guess we're both just idiots when it comes to Eliott. Or too protective for our own good."

"Probably."

They fell into silence after that, shushed by another classmate. They exchanged one last grin before turning to work for the rest of the lesson.

◇

Pale light flooded in through the half open curtains, the early morning sun glaring into the bedroom like a watching eye. Lucas scrunched his face up, turning his face away from the window and pressing his face into his pillow. He felt Eliott's stubbly chin rubbing against his bare shoulder blade, breath hot against his skin. One of Eliott's fingers was tracing small, intricate patterns into his back, giving Lucas goosebumps.

"You're awake," Lucas grunted, turning his head to the side so he could peer back at Eliott over his shoulder. A yawn escaped his mouth and he reached up to rub the sleep from his eyes.

Eliott lifted his chin from digging into Lucas' back, scooting to kiss him on the cheek. "I am," he whispered back, gently manhandling Lucas and rolling him around to face him. His hand gripped Lucas' waist and he kissed Lucas properly, tongue and all, pulling him tight against his chest. "Morning, darling," he breathed into Lucas' mouth, hold tightening on his waist.

Lucas huffed, pulling out of the kiss, cheeks bright scarlet. "Don't call me that," he whined, muffled as he stuck his face in the crook of Eliott's neck. "Why not?" Eliott asked, kissing his nose, his cheeks, his forehead. "Is it too weird for you?" He raised his eyebrows teasingly.

"It's cheesy and it makes me feel all tingly. I can't spend the rest of my life blushing."

Eliott cupped his face, kissing the tip of his nose again. "The rest of your life, huh?" he teased, smirking devilishly.

Lucas slapped his shoulder, sputtering, cheeks sweltering hot. "You know what I mean," he grumbled, pouting.

"I think you were right the first time." He grinned, kissing Lucas intently, teeth clashing and tongues touching.

They melted easily into each other, hands grabbing here and fingers dragging there, a tangle of skin on skin. The covers were stifling and the light was blinding but they simply fueled the fire. It was give and take, soft and nurturing and careful. Lucas was alighted from inside out, head spinning from the smoke and Eliott was a match and a fuse. Lucas kissed along Eliott's chest and Eliott tugged his hair and he crawled back up to meet his lips once more.

Eliott was now half sitting up in bed while Lucas rested his head on his chest, head rising and falling with his breath and listening to the soft thrum of his heartbeat in his ears. He watched Eliott toying with his hand, running his fingers along the rough skin of his knuckles and lightly prodding the yellowy-brown blotches over his fingers, an obscene fireworks display over skin. Lucas glanced up and Eliott's eyebrows were knitted together, lip between his teeth. He blinked, allowing Eliott to lift his hand, kissing every individual digit, achingly gentle and soft.

"What are you doing?"

"Doing what I should have done sooner."

"Do what? Kiss my fingers?"

Eliott shook his head, eyes intense and burning with something. "No. Taken care of you." He kissed Lucas' hand again and then bent his head, brushing his hair aside and kissing his forehead.

"It's okay."

"No it isn't. I wasn't there for you," he said bitterly, voice pulled high and taut, "I was too busy feeling sorry for myself in a hospital." His eyes turned to glass, a faint pink tinge in the whites of his eyes.

Lucas sat up, resting on one of his elbows. He shook his head and scooted up so he could hover over Eliott. "Do you know why it's okay?" he asked. Eliott shook his head. "It's okay because we have plenty of time to take care of each other. We have all the minutes in the world for that, yeah?" Eliott dove up for another kiss, pushing his shoulder onto the bed, digging into the mattress.

Lucas tugged him close by the small of his back, leaning his head up to meet his lips. Eliott pulled back from the kiss, searching all over his face, blue eyes twinkling. "Fuck, I love you so much," he blurted, hands clutching Lucas' cheeks.

Heart leaping, Lucas inhaled sharply, eyes bulging. "W-what did you say?" he clarified, stunned into the mattress.

When he replied, Eliott's voice was barely above a whisper. "I said I love you," he repeated, "And I know I'm probably moving too fast, but it's true. I can't and I won't take it back, but you don't have to say anything back." Eliott didn't expect anything from Lucas. A declaration, that was all it was. An announcement. He didn't need anything in return but for Lucas to know.

"I love you, too," Lucas breathed, blinking back tears. Eliott released a sigh of relief, eyes crinkling in the corners, kissing him again and again.

If they were a little late that morning because Lucas refused to get up after his alarm, well, no one was to know.

◇

As per usual now, Lucas and Eliott entered the schoolyard hand in hand, walking over to Yann and Arthur. Arthur was talking excitedly about something, hands flailing and eyes bright. They stopped next to Arthur, Lucas giving him a curious look.  "Arthur's just excited because there's a party on Friday," Yann explained, leaning in towards Lucas and Eliott.

"And I got invited by Marie. You know her, she's the hot girl we had Chemistry with last year," Arthur added, grinning with pride. Upon Lucas' confused look, he gasped. "Come on, you must remember her! She had the long blonde hair and always had a low cut shirt."

Lucas tried wracking his brains for a semblance of a memory of said girl, but he couldn't think of anything. The only girls he knew in his Chemistry last year were Alexia and Imane.

Eliott wrapped his arm around Lucas' shoulders. "I don't think Lucas will remember her, to be honest," he joked, turning to Lucas, "Not exactly your type, is she?" Lucas rolled his eyes and Eliott giggled, kissing Lucas' temple.

"Yeah, I think she has one too many X chromosomes for me to notice her," Lucas replied, making the other three laugh.

Basile arrived not 30 seconds later, immediately launching into a story about a Facetime call with Daphné the night before. Needless to say, Lucas zoned out of that conversation pretty quickly, instead turning to Eliott to ask, "What do you think? Up for a party this weekend?"

Eliott shrugged, taking a few steps from the rest of the group to talk more privately. "I don't know, to be honest. I'm still getting over last week, so I might not be up for a huge party," he said, frowning, "I was thinking of going home for a few days actually. My dad is supposed to be home and I didn't really see him much in hospital."

"That should be good seeing your dad," Lucas replied, "How's your mum doing?"

"The same, I think. I messaged her last night and she said she felt a bit better yesterday, but this morning she was sick," he explained, eyes falling to the floor in what Lucas now knew meant he felt particularly emotional. Lucas slipped his hand into Eliott's, squeezing. "How's your mum, by the way? Have you spoken to her lately?"

"Yeah. I, uh, I actually was out to dinner for her birthday the other day when… you know."

Eliott's face fell. "Seriously?" Lucas nodded, biting his lip. "And you still came? Even though it was her birthday and you hadn't seen her in months?"

"Of course. I can make it up to her," Lucas insisted, squeezing Eliott's hand again, "But if I had lost you that night, I don't—I don't know what I would have done with myself." He looked at his feet idly, feeling he had shared too much.

Eliott considered his words for a moment, sighing heavily. "I'm not going anywhere, Lucas. You're not alone either." He leaned over to kiss him shortly, only pulling away when the school bell rang. "Shit, I've got class on the other side of the building!" He exclaimed, letting go of Lucas finally.

"You better hurry then," Arthur commented.

"I'll see you at lunch." He kissed Lucas quickly again. "I love you," he added, winking and pecking him another time.

"Love you too," Lucas murmured, still stunned by those words.

Once Eliott was jogging away, the other boys turned on Lucas. "Was that the L word I just heard there?" Arthur asked, eyes wide, starting towards the school.

"Yeah?"

Yann slapped him on the back as Basile and Arthur shrieked. "Well, we're happy for you, man. You guys are really getting serious," Yann said, elbowing him in the side.

"Alright alright, I get it. I was sad and annoying and now I'm not."

"No, now you're just annoying," Arthur teased. Lucas scoffed, punching Arthur in the crotch and sprinting away towards class. "See what I mean?!" Arthur shouted, hobbling after him.

Lucas rolled his eyes, flipping Arthur off over his shoulder and joining the crowded hallway. He couldn't help but hope things stayed like that forever.

◇

Lucas was standing alone in the girl Marie's house, staring out of the window overlooking the back garden and holding loosely onto a bottle of beer. He could see Yann and the first year girl he liked sitting together on a bench swing, laughing and talking with their heads close together. Meanwhile, Basile and Daphné were making out feverishly against a tree and Arthur was nowhere to be seen. Lucas smiled, taking a sip of beer as he continued watching his friends socialise. Even a few weeks ago, he would have felt suffocated by the isolation, standing alone in the hallway with only the heavy thrum of the speakers downstairs to keep him company. But now he embraced it, allowing himself a moment of relative peace.

As he started to bring his glass up to his lips for another gulp of room temperature beer, he felt a hand falling onto his shoulder. Lucas startled, turning towards the source and making eye contact with a pair of grey-green eyes. A smile peeled over his face. "Hey, Leo. What's up?"

Leo grinned, slinging his arm over Lucas' shoulders. "Just coming to say hello. How are you?" he replied nonchalantly. "I'm good. I just wish Eliott could be here as well, but I get him not wanting to come to a party so soon."

Leo nodded, swallowing down a vibrant blue drink Lucas didn't recognise. "You know, you're really great. Seriously." He ruffled Lucas' hair. "Eliott has dated a fair few people before, but never quite as amazing as you. You give him the space he needs without question and I can see how you're trying. I appreciate how happy you make him."

Lucas' face flushed and he glanced at the carpet. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, man. He's never spoken about someone like he does with you. You've got my brother wrapped around your tiny finger."

Lucas scoffed, shoving Leo away, pouting. "I am not tiny," he snapped, crossing his arms over his chest.

Leo snorted. "Yeah and I'm the next Pope," Leo teased, earning yet another shove from his friend. "You're tiny, Lucas, just accept it."

They fell into amicable silence after that, drinking their respective drinks and people watching out the window. Imane was talking to the boy Lucas recognised from a few weeks ago, Sofiane, fidgeting nervously with her grey hijab and smiling up at the curly-haired boy. (Lucas made a mental note to tease her about it later.) Basile and Daphné were gone now, though Yann continued to chat with the first year. The yard was lit dimly by multicoloured fairy lights, luminating the dark green grass and the stone patio in a blur of faint hues.

"This might sound weird, but I used to have a crush on you," Lucas admitted, eyes still glued to the garden. His cheeks were painted a faint rosey pink.

"Oh? Before you liked Eliott?" Leo asked, raising his eyebrows and smirking in amused interest.

Lucas shook his head. "Nope. I actually had a crush on both of you. It was a disaster."

Leo spat his drink everywhere as he burst out laughing, spraying blue liquid onto the window, carpet and their clothes. "So you're one of those types then? A twin kink, as one may say."

Lucas gasped, slapping Leo's chest. "Oh fuck off. I got over you pretty easily, thank you very much," he insisted, rolling his eyes. He took a drink of his beer, flipping Leo off.

"I can't blame you. You guys are much better together."

Lucas' phone vibrated in his back pocket and he swiftly pulled it out, muttering an apology under his breath. It was a message from Eliott. Lucas unlocked his phone and opened up his messages to find another drawing. For a moment, his heart thudded with the vivid memory of the last time he received one of them. However, the drawing was just a simple one. A raccoon stood with his back to Lucas, facing towards a grinning hedgehog.

Beneath that, Eliott had written Turn around.

Lucas spun around, another grin filling his face when he found Eliott standing in front of him wearing a bright smile and an olive green turtle neck under a leather jacket. Lucas threw his arms around Eliott, dragging him into a kiss of bumping teeth and alcohol. When they pulled apart, Lucas whispered, "What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming."

Eliott kissed him quickly and chastely, still beaming. "I thought I owed you some more minutes. I missed you," he replied, wrapping his arms around Lucas' neck.

"Hello to you too, by the way," Leo teased, scowling and feigning annoyance. Lucas stepped away, allowing the two brothers to hug each other. "So glad I'm important to you."

Eliott shook his head, a faint laugh falling from his mouth as he stepped away from his brother and hugged Lucas from behind. Lucas smiled, leaning back against him and holding onto his hands. Eliott rested his chin on top of his brown hair, squeezing him tight. "Of course, brother dearest, how could I forget you," Eliott said, rocking side to side as he held Lucas in his arms. "You trying to steal my boyfriend?" he added, plucking the bottle of beer from Lucas and taking a swig.

"Of course not. I wouldn't dream of it," Leo replied. Lucas took back his drink. "Unlike you and your boyfriend's beer."

"Fuck off, I'm thirsty," Eliott whined.

Their banter was interrupted a moment later by the arrival of a tall black guy who was smiling sheepishly at Leo. The other boy's face lit up as he saw him, turning away from Lucas and Eliott. "Hey, Andre. Here to save me from these two?" he gestured to the still hugging couple. Andre shrugged, winking. "See you love birds later." And with that, Leo took Andre's hand and dragged him away down the hallway.

"Well that was unexpected," Lucas joked, stepping out of Eliott's embrace to turn around and face him. He slung his arms over his shoulders, nuzzling their noses together. "So what was it you were saying about owing me some minutes?" he asked in a breath, "Any idea how to repay me?"

Eliott arched his eyebrows, smirking. "I've definitely got a few you might like…" he insinuated, beginning to walk backwards, eyes alight with passion.

"Whatever you decide, I'm down for it."

And as Lucas followed Eliott down the street towards the bus stop, fingers laced together and shoes slapping the pavement and dead leaves, Lucas knew it was true. He knew that whatever Eliott wanted, whatever he did, Lucas would follow him to the end of the earth without question. Whatever became of them was written in the stars twinkling overhead, falling rain and flickering streetlamps. Whatever became of them, Lucas knew it was together.

So that’s the end of Whatever We Become... I had so much fun writing it and I hope you guys enjoyed it as well I guess? But don’t worry, that’s not the end of me and my fics as I have a few others already in the making so look out for those in the next decade ;). 

[pink-jindallae]

Night Nathaniel’s side - NSFW

[Nathaniel/Candy] NSFW and a tiny bit hurt/comfort because I’m evil. The story happens after Nathaniel told everything to Candy in episode 11, and they sleep next to each other… But not in my world. Come on Beemove, let us fuck Nathaniel you coward. Words: 6692 Note 1: Candy is still not named. You have NO IDEA how hard it is to not name her when it’s Nath POV  o(╥﹏╥)o

Note 2: This one has more details that the previous one. Please read Candy’s view first before this one here : Candy’s side WARNING: heavily smutty + more angst

 Nathaniel P.O.V.

We spent the whole evening talking. Well, I should say I. She has quietly listened to everything I had on my heart, sincerely grateful that I reveal her the truth. I had a hard time to begin my story at first, but her comforting hands on mine gave me enough courage. So, I blurt everything. How and why I was where I am now after her departure. Moved, she squeezed my fingers. After a quick glance at her window, I notice that it's already dark outside. The wish to stay is seducing me and I detect on her face the same desire. Maybe I could lay her on the bed and kiss her ... fondle her breasts that eye me up since the beginning of the night with this revealing cleavage. The thought is so appealing. Bad idea. With a lot of strength, I lock the steamy images of us in the back of my head. It may sound silly but I don't want her to imagine I'm trying to take advantage of the situation. Moreover, the possibility that she'll sleep with me out of pity would also annoy me. I tell her about my turmoil, insisting that staying with her any longer would be dangerous. Temptation is so great ... But she doesn't answer, lost in thought. I guess at her gloomy face that she doesn't think about the same thing as me. She is so innocent, it's cute. "Relax. They don't venture into the campus." I reassure her as I get up from bed. "Then I don't understand." She replies, standing up as well. "What's so dangerous?" I can't help but smile more. I grab one of her locks between my fingers, allowing a few seconds to pass. She is keeping a low profile as she slowly understands what I'm getting at. It makes me want to tease her a little bit. "You don't guess?" "I ..." she begins then pauses when my fingers gently brush her neck after putting her hair behind her ear. She swallows her saliva, struggling to hold my stare. I'm even more tempted to play. "You?" I inquire with a low voice, taking a step forward. "… don't know." She gasps. She's so adorable with her puppy eyes. Her orbs lit with an indefinable spark. I can't hold a little laugh back. How far will she pretend? "Really?" I lean my head near her ear and deliberately let my breath crawl on her skin, gaining a long and awfully sexy thrill from her spine. "It's embarrassing for me if you pretend not to understand." My voice is hoarse, but intentionally caressing. I play a dangerous game but her lack of resistance stirs my greed. I'd really like her to answer my advances, and on the other hand, I hope she slaps me to put me in my place. I'm discovering masochistic tendency. I feel her shivering when my finger gently slides the strap of her tank top. This damn garment does nothing to hide her body, fitting her curves like a second skin. I even wondered if she hadn't removed her red blouse on purpose to seduce me. But knowing her, it hadn't cross her mind. It was surely to feel more comfortable in her room. With the same softness, I finally put my lips on her bare shoulder while my hands on her waist yearn to slip under her top. Her skin is creamy and sweet, deteriorating little by little my self-control. I force myself to behave but her reactions only add fuel to my burning state. My beautiful sorceress breaths out an erotic sigh that arouses my senses, heightening the wildfire in me. I press her a little more against me in response. I want to hear her moan between my arms. I want her to scream my name again and again. Has the temperature of the room increased, or am I the feverish one?  Unable to stop, I peck her collar bone with languorous kisses to better savor her taste whereas she tilts her head to the side. Her docility is so provocative, and her delirious perfume tickles my nose. She is completely charmed, arching her back to squeeze herself more against me. This sensual motion makes her breast compress tighter to my chest. "If you say nothing I won't stop." I hear myself panting. My breathing has accelerated and I make a lot of effort to take great inspiration in order to keep my mind clear. I pushed the game too far and now I struggle to contain myself. As she doesn't answer, I go up her throat languidly while her fingers are clenched on my torso. She's as fiery as me. God forbid, if I don't stop now, I'll reach a point of no return. I kiss her cheeks, her nose, each of her eyelids and then finish my run on her forehead. I see her leaning forward, waiting for my kiss impatiently. Nevertheless, I find enough strength to stop there and slightly touch the tip of her lips. "Sorry sweetheart, time's up. I should go home now." I tell her, stepping away. Her only reaction is to bat her eyelashes, perplexed. I've made her a little upset by moving away. An adorable moue displays on her pretty face and I burst out laughing without thinking. She tries to sound threatening, but her cheeks inflated with annoyance give her a hamster-like look. She's way too cute for my sanity. "Do you think that's funny?" She pouts, arms folded under her chest. I doubt that's intentional but her gesture indecently enhances her breast. For goodness sake, she doesn't freaking wear anything under the fabric, I can see her hard tits through it. My blood boils again in an instant. I want to put it in my mouth, taste her, and make her scream ... I mentally slap myself. Stop thinking about improper things, Nathaniel. My sweet temptress seems too annoyed to catch me checking her out shamelessly. She doesn't even realize the agitation she rises in me. "A little bit, yes." I play with her hair again to take my eyes off her divine chest. "Don't be mad, princess. You have no idea how much I wanted to keep going. But no answer no special cuddle. See you tomorrow." With these words, I plant a quick kiss on her forehead and turn around. The longer I stay, the greater I'll be tempted. I risk to upset her but she's now used to me getting on her nerves. As I'm ready to leave, I feel her delicate hand seizing my jacket. Surprised, I turn my head towards her. "Nath, wait! I ..." "Yes?" I ask without hurrying her. However, my state is far from relaxed. Hanging on her every word, I'm waiting for an answer. Perhaps she'll throw herself into my arms and will beg me to take her here and now, on the floor. Or maybe she'll slap me in the face because I went out of line. Contradictory thoughts clash in my mind. I want it and at the same time, I don't. Quite unexpectedly she remains silent, undecided too. Her cheeks redden and she lowers her eyes, unable to hold my gaze. Facing her hesitation, I unwillingly feel disappointment. Her reluctance should be enough for me to leave. Like an idiot, I'm staying anyway. I'm listening. "My roommate is not here tonight ..." she still insists. Her voice is weak. "She's away for three days and I ... well ..." Leave. I have to leave. We shouldn't play like this. We're both lost in what we really want. Neither I nor she are sure. I know I was stupid enough to start this mess, but we shouldn't. Not that way. What if she has regrets after? Hence, I'm going to apologize and go back home alone. Yet, I see myself closing the door despite my frail resolutions. I inhale a moment then turn toward her. I'm so weak against her, she can make me do anything. If it were up to me, I'd make love to her on her desk right now. That's why I desperately try to hold on to my common sense by crossing my arms firmly against my chest to avoid any temptation. I need her to be clear. "So what? What do you want?" I try to look detached, but my mind is troubled and my breathing quickens again. One sentence and I'm all hers. She doesn't say anything though. "I already told you last time, but I don't mess with indecision. If it's me you want then say it frankly." I quickly add to encourage her to speak. My growing impatience makes me mechanically tighten and loosen the grip of my hands on my biceps. I'm a nervous wreck. I feel like a tightrope walker on a cable high above the abyss, ready to fall anytime. I'm still waiting for something, anything. A consent, even a rejection, but that she talks to me. Frustrating enough she stays quiet. It drives me crazy. She gets closer without a word, shaking a little, but she comes. She then slides a hand on mine, forcing me to uncross my arms, before she drops a kiss on my lips while our fingers intertwine. I slightly relax at this gentle contact. Feels like I needed it. Only her can calm me down. My relaxation is however reduced to dust when her palm drifts along my arm and goes stroking my chest. I stiffen under her luring touch. Annoyed by my coat, she doesn't hesitate a second to take it off, it falls loudly on the ground. "You still haven't answered me." I murmur, breathless. Is it really what she wants from me? Her finger silences me immediately. I wince when she gently rubs my scarred lip. I wish she could erase it along with the bad memory… Then her lips kiss my jaw and move up to my throat. I freeze, root to the spot. If I move, I'm afraid my self-restraint will shatter. But damn, it feels so good. She lingers and moans against my skin, marking my neck with so much gusto. I can't hold a grunt and say her name. Luckily - or unfortunately, I don't know anymore - she gets off of me with a playful smile on her lovely lips, visibly pleased of her work. I don't have time to think further that she drags me into her bed by my necklace and lies me down the mattress. In a trance-like state, I meekly let myself fall, standing on my elbows as she straddles me. This scene oddly reminds me of a moment we spent together, when we were in a relationship. She had brought me to her house while her parents were away. I remember the electrifying feeling of being alone with her in her teenage room, like a thief about to ravish a beautiful princess. And as she currently does, she had taken the lead. She even had the audacity to remove my top and tell me that she wanted me. I'm going to think she really enjoys being on top because of what also happened at the gym. Not that I mind. Those memories crack me a smile. "As usual you prefer being in charge. That didn't change." She must have remembered too, since her cheeks are immediately flushing. How can she be so bold and so innocent at the same time? This woman is a real mystery. She pouts again seeing my cheeky smirk. So easily irked, I love it. My cute vixen draws my face near hers by pulling on my necklace once more. "You speak too much." Without letting me answer, she kisses me more intensely. Our tongues clash and begin a lascivious dance and I'm immediately on fire, responding to her call with the same eagerness. "And you not enough." I whisper when our lips separate for a split second, just enough to let us catch our breath. Then I take her mouth again and completely lie down, carrying her with me. She hit on me too, so it's fine, right? Whatever, in any case I wouldn't be able to turn her down. More adventurous, her hands slip underneath my shirt and my abs contract at her touch. Her delicate fingers drawing each line of my muscles smash all the fibers of my being. She removes my top, insatiable, and bites her lip, visibly fascinated by what she sees. And damn, the longing-filled look she throws at me. She doesn't even bother to conceal her lust, glancing at me without an ounce of embarrassment. I feel proud to stir such a desire in her eyes. And God knows how many girls had the same expression, the same thirst. But her... I can't explain how different she is. She knows everything about me and my past. She knows how bad my body was beaten and she loved it nonetheless when I learned to hate it. She loved every part of me, even the ugliest, accepting everything with open arms and never judging. And still now, she does. She's so warm, so compassionate that I… My beauty suddenly breaches my torpor by brushing several kisses on my chest. Right, I don't need to think. Just focusing on her, I close my eyes to clear my head. She can do absolutely everything to me and she does to her heart's content ... Touching, licking, nibbling, every patch of my skin goes through the torture of her lips. Her mouth is everywhere at once like a maddening caress. I'm hard as hell. Her undulating hips doesn't help, sending powerful shocks to my nerve system. I try to stop her so as not to sink into this sweet madness, but she doesn't seem very happy about my initiative. "Let me touch you..." I hear myself begging. I need it so badly that I'm going crazy. However, she doesn't yield to my request and pins my hands against the bed. "No." She is determined to punish me for earlier. The idea of being submissive strangely thrills me a little bit. Fucking yes, she can do me. Her tongue continues its ascent lower, crosses the limit of my navel. The button of my jean pops and I don't even think twice, lifting my hips to help her to remove my clothes. I'm not ashamed to expose myself to her, not when she devours me with such hungry eyes. My only regret is that she's still dressed. I'm craving to see her naked and impaled on my cock, riding me passionately. I shudder with impatience and a bit of apprehension for what that’s about to follow. She bites her lip again, her dainty fingers finally tightening around my erected member. Damn it, that's good. Her hand goes up and down slowly, strokes the throbbing head with her thumb. She drives me fucking crazy. I move my hips accordingly to get more frictions. "Fuck…" I sigh, unable to contain a swearing. My body quivers when she licks her upper lip, my hands firmly gripping the sheets. I can already imagine her taking me in her delightful mouth. Will she do it? God, I want her to do it so badly. She is full of surprises, I wouldn't be shocked if she tries. By the way, where does this dominating side come from? From what I remember, she was just able to cuddle the top of my body, too intimidated to touch anything past my waistline. Well, we were both young and inexperienced so it wasn't unexpected back then. But here she is, masturbating me like she has done it lots of time. Did she practice with another man? I have no doubts she had been in a relationship after me, she certainly didn't wait for me in hope we will go back together one day. And to be honest, I wasn't a saint either. But as much as I hate it, imagining her with another man crushes my heart with jealousy. I'm not entitled to feel that way. Even so, the moron I am can't help it. I suddenly reverse our positions, imprisoning her hands above her charming head and holding her leg to my side. She lets out a hiccup of surprise when I seize her lips, claiming an unequivocal submission. I want her to only think about me, to only feel me. In a fit of passion, I press my hardened member against her clothed core, eager to make her mine and a cry of pleasure escapes her. Her pelvis calling for more rub moves against me. Hungry for touch, she tries to free her hands but I grab her top and tie her wrists with it, revealing her naked chest. Exactly as I predicted. Interesting. "What are you…" "It's your turn not to move." Her feline body is revealed to me like an erotic painting; gorgeous like a goddess with her hands tied, her bounced and firm breasts ready to be cupped, red cheeks, luscious mouth slightly open. A delightful vision just for my own pleasure. Her nipples are hard in a call to be fondled in which I'm not resisting, rolling the pink tip with my fingertip. An exquisite groan passes the barrier of her pretty lips. "I see you didn't wear anything under your top." I tease. I'm not waiting for an answer and trap her nipple between my lip and tongue. Another rapturous sigh rewards me, encourages me to go further and I gladly obey her silent plea. I greedily suck the erected tip, lulled by the charming melody of her cry. She is so tasty, as sweet as a candy. I'm not usually a sweet tooth, but for her I'll make an exception. Losing patience, I bite and she trembles due to pleasure, maybe mixed with pain, so I lick as way of apologies. My passion doesn't seem to bother her. On the contrary, she arches her body in a movement of total submission and this gesture throws oil to my already boiling blood. I want her naked, completely giving herself to me. I hasten to remove all her troublesome clothes. "When one is so beautiful, it's a crime to wear clothes." I declare once her lingerie is gone, last shield to my desire. "And it's a bit unfair to be the only naked, don't you think?" Wasting no time, I slide my fingers to the wet heart of her lust. And damn it, I'm not disappointed. She's already soaked and shivering with want for me. Alluring and passionate, she waves her hips to meet me. She wants more, so much more. I give her what she requests so ardently and I'm gratified by a shameless scream. I finish my territorial work on her chest, satisfied with my masterpiece, then lift my head to watch her without ceasing the fingering. She is breathtakingly beautiful. "Nath… Oh Nath! Nath please!" I've never heard anything as incredible as her begging me with such indecency, my name rolls on her tongue like an incantation. She's so offered that I'm tempted to prolong the torture a little longer. A tiny revenge for earlier. "You're suddenly very talkative. You want something?" The tigress suddenly comes back to her senses and struggles to free her hands. To tease her, I change the pressure on her clit when she opens her mouth, making her stammer broken words. "So?" "I… Ah!" I've just rolled my thumb on her sensitive bud with more insistence. "I want … Hmmm!" "Yes?" I inquire, now marking her neck with possessive hickey. I love getting her to talk while she moans. There is something extremely exciting in her broken cries of pleasure. An aphrodisiac music for my ears. "Y-you… I… Aaaah. N-need. Insi- Ah!" I stop tattooing her skin and pretend to think. "It's not what I wanted to hear." I know fully well what she wants but as she strives to say nothing from the beginning, I'll give her now the opportunity to speak. As a matter of fact, I'm more trying to make her lose her mind so that she has none other than me in her mind. Slowly, I massage the contour of her vagina, deliberately ignoring the entrance. "I say it earlier, didn't I? No response no special cuddle." "Nath please…" She lets out a sob halfway between ecstasy and torment. Eyes wet, she's shaking in my arms but this time it's more like she's about to burst into tears. I suddenly feel bad. What on earth am I doing? I'm being too mean. Punishing her out of jealousy is dumbest thing I've ever done. She doesn't owe me anything. I immediately stop the ordeal and give her time to catch her breath. With difficulty, she slowly calms down and I wait for her agreement to keep going or end the game. "Take me... Now." "Your wish is my command, princess." She sighs, almost relieved to feel my fingers plunged inside her. She's warm and tight and so damn wet. The sensation is so good that I'd love to sink my hard member inside her immediately so she could taste my wild hunger. I strongly refrain my fired instinct. I can't rush things. I have to prepare her properly to receive me. Her eyelids are closing at the slow back and forth movement, she arches her back to better feel me, to better enjoy it.   "I'm sorry for earlier, I went too far. I really want to make it up to you." She only whines of pleasure in response to my statement. "Nathaniel not your fingers…" I chuckle. She absolutely didn't listen to me. "As you want." Well, if the lady asks, the lady will have. I first start by kissing the lobe of her ear then slide towards her soft breasts. "You didn't specify what you'd prefer. What do you want? Tongue or something else?" I whisper as I linger on her chest. Still no response. My little tigress is so intoxicated by her pleasure that she doesn't hear me anymore. A triumphant feeling immediately seizes me. I really managed to make her lose her mind. How long since she last had sex for being so exhilarated to the point of shutting herself up in her own world? She's so needy for me. Not hearing any objection, I continue my way down and her body vibrates, nerves on the edge, when I reach her groin. "Yes, tongue is a good idea…"  I reason more for myself, spreading her legs with ease. A fierce jolt overwhelms her when I switch my fingers with my mouth. Her hips roll in a frenzy way, she's so eager that I need to hold her firmly against the bed to apply myself. She's near her climax thus I press, lap, bring my fingers again, until she explodes into bliss. She doesn't hold back and all her muscles contract suddenly. "Nath!!" she yells more violently, finally reaching her orgasm. And what a scream. Her dormitory neighbors must have heard her. They can listen, for all I care. Let them know she belongs to me. She tries to catch her breath while my fingers prolong a little more her pleasure. I kiss each of her cheeks and stroke her silky locks until she regains composure. Once calm down, I finally free her hands that she plunges into my hair to pull me closer, begging for a kiss and I obediently comply. Our tender kiss turns into a more passionate one when her fingers brush the bare skin of my neck. I'm still hard. Hunger roars in me more ferociously and craves for the carnal union of our bodies. I want her so badly. Before losing my mind completely, I get up. A condom. I need a condom. I always have one in the back pocket of my pants. I look, nothing. Damn, I freaking hope I haven't forgotten it. Now is not the time. She also gets impatient in my back. "Nathaniel…?" I hear the sheets crumple, she must have sit up. I hesitate to ask her if she doesn't have one in her drawers. Otherwise, we have to postpone our sexy session for another time ... I'm still looking after it and finally find on the wanted object. Perfect! I put it on and come back to her, delicately laying her against her bed. Despite my needy state, I take my time to admire her once again. Her cheeks are red with the effort, her pinky lips are swollen, and the pearly skin of her breasts and her neck is decorated with lovebites. Her hair is spread all over her bed like a shaded halo, a few damp strands on her forehead. She displays the most erotic show for my greedy eyes only. She observes me too, her half-closed eyes glowing more peacefully. Feverish and vulnerable at the same time. Almost ... in love. All of sudden, my heart swells with a curious emotion. Am I being too full of myself to think like that? Am I not just having a fantasy with her as the lead actress? I've done it so much that another dream wouldn't be impossible. If I pinch myself, maybe I'll wake up alone in my bed. But everything is real. She is here and she wants me, more than willing to have me. And with such a fiery gaze, I can give her everything. Just a night in my arms if that's what she really wants. She can use and throw me away the next day if that's what she pleases. As long as she doesn't abandon me. "You never stopped loving her, did you?" Amber's words choose this moment to pierce my heart like a sword. "Tell me you want to make love with me." Who am I kidding? I'm just lying to myself. Since the beginning, I want her everything. Not just her body. Not just a night. I want her smile, her heart, her soul. With infinite tenderness, she grabs my face between her hands. Her warmth spreading over my cheeks melts the last piece protecting my heart. I'm so weak against her. This woman breaks all my defenses with one wave of her hand. "What's wrong?" she asks, worried. My hesitation took her off guard. After what we just did, I'd be confused too if I were her. Being reluctant now, when we're so close to satisfy the impetuous desire we're both craving, is ridiculous. Yet I can't move, petrified by anxiety. Do you still love me? I want to ask her. When she looks at me like this, with all the adoration in the world, I find myself hoping that I still have a room in her heart even if I know fully well that I don't deserve it. I don't have the rights to claim her heart. Shaken over the odds, I sigh and close my eyes, letting myself sink against the warmth. I'm no longer the same as I was in high school, the one she loved so much. The simple fact that she didn't turn her back on me like anyone else is beyond me. Isn't she repulsed by the man I've become? After everything I told her about me and my disgusting job. "I don't want you to regret being with me." I finally sigh. We can still give up. With a simple word, she can stop this stupid game of cat and mouse. I'm tired to play. I can't do it anymore. But she doesn't leave. She doesn't run away. She's there… Almost afraid to hurt me, she pecks my face carefully, healing kiss after kiss my broken heart. "Nathaniel… Of course I don't regret anything." "Then please… Say it for me. I… I need to hear it from you." I know it's pathetic of me to crave for her love that much, but I don't want to pretend anymore. I want her to still love me. Or to love me once again if she had ever stopped. I don't even care if she lies. "I want you." I exhale my breath that I hadn't noticed I've held. "Please make love to me." Her decision is sealed by a tender kiss on my lips. Unlike me, she didn't hesitate for one second. Courageous and determined, this girl is afraid of nothing, not even me. I can't help smiling, half amused, half relieved, but above all, eternally grateful. She guides me towards her entrance and in fluid movement I penetrate her. And damn it, she feels so damn good that it's killing me. She's so warm, so wet, and so tight that all my senses are boiling. Each centimeter ignites and consumes my body as if a torrent of lava was flowing through my veins. I take her deeper when she ties her legs around me until no space separates us. Fully inside, I stop myself to savor the delicious sensation. I bury my face in the nape of her neck, breathing deeply the fragrance of her skin. We fit so perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle like we were meant to be this way. I've never felt as alive as I'm in her arms. I sought this emotion with other women for so long but never succeed to find it until now.  I love you so much. "I love you too…" I smile against her skin. I spoke aloud without realizing it and the fact that she immediately answered filled me with indescribable joy. In slow tempo, I begin a sensual dance between our two bodies, every movement deliciously brushes her chest against mine. We kiss each other again, our tongues waltz in harmony with my hips whereas I'm interlacing our fingers together. As I'm taking her, her free hand gently rubs my lower back, sending voluptuous thrills along my spine. In return, I press my fingers just above her ass so she could bend a little and she hums at the new angle. Her moans are more discreet than earlier this time. Not long ago, I wanted people to know but for now, I want that moment to solely belong to me and her. We stay in our own world, just the two of us. I want to be the only one to hear it. She quickly gets greedier, her body moving with me to urge me to accelerate. Since I don't give in, she breaks our kiss, panting, and I stick her forehead to mine. Our eyes meet when I give a more powerful thrust that steals her a lewd cry. I groan with pleasure and pain mixed when she digs her nails into my flesh in response. "Nath faster." No, not yet. I remain focused on my goal to make her crazy about me, only changing the strength I put in each thrust, strong and deep, sweet and slow. "Nathaniel ..." she mewls plaintively. "I ... I need ..." "I know." I'm selfish but I want this moment to last as long as possible. Obviously not in the same opinion, she tries to switch our positions. In any other situation, I would have been thrilled that she rides me. To be honest if I wasn't near my climax, I would have immediately complied. But I'm too close and she, regardless of her protests, not enough. So, I hold her firmly underneath me. All she needs is just a little help to let it go. As if reading in my thoughts, her fingers slip between us two and she starts touching herself. A move as spontaneous as it is lecherous. I sit up to make it easier for her and put her leg on my shoulder, changing the angle again in the process. Seems like she enjoys it seeing how she's divinely arching herself in order to give me an alluring view as a thank you. "You're so beautiful…" However, her provocative gesture doesn't help my self-control that I'm starting to lose. My movements are less controlled and more nervous. And she is still far from her release... Growing impatient, I decide to take things in my hand by replacing her fingers by mine. After a few seconds, her muscles contract deliciously around my member and finally, she melts and willingly surrenders herself to me. Eyelids closed, she's falling deep into a relishing sea with an enchanting grace. I'm bewitched by so much beauty. "Oh Nath…. Yes…" Relieved by her climax, I close my eyes and can focus on my own pleasure. The peak is near. I allow myself to accelerate the pace, hand gripping the headboard to keep my balance. A little faster, a little stronger. And in a split second, the release hits me brutally. I freeze as I'm cumming inside her. I didn't expect such an aggressive orgasm, kind of like my body had waited for her to let myself go completely. It's so powerful that I need time to recover. I do my utmost to catch my breath. When I open my eyes, she's tenderly looking at me with a satisfied smile and I can't help being proud. I slowly withdraw myself of her and she hums, blissful. After throwing the used condom away, I lie down beside her, she immediately snuggles against me without a word. For the first time in many years, I feel appeased, at peace with myself. Everything is perfect, or rather it gives me the illusion it is for now. I come to pray that this night never ends. "I don't want to sleep yet…" she yawns, pulling me out of my reverie. She also wants this moment to last. "Why? Do you want a second round?" I joke even if I wouldn't mind it. Just give me a few minutes. "The idea is appealing but I'm too tired." "Such a wimp." As a punishment for my insolence, she gently slaps my chest. We laugh softly, breaking the tranquility of the night. Soon after the soothing silence wraps us like a fluffy blanket. Still, I feel her agitated. She curls more tightly against me with a gloomy face and I have a twinge in my heart seeing her so fragile. I can easily imagine what she's thinking now. "I'm not going anywhere, love." I reassure her by stroking her hair and she smiles, more relaxed. I seal my promise with a kiss of good faith. How could I go when she is in my arms? Her heavy eyelids eventually close and slowly, her breathing gets a steady rhythm. She has fallen asleep. Avoiding to a maximum to disturb her, I cover us with her blanket then reach out the bedside lamp to turn off the light. The room becomes dark with only the pale reflection of the moon skimming our bodies. No matter how tired I am, sleepiness refuses to take me away. I lay my eyes on her again, she is peaceful in the arms of Morpheus. She looks so pure and defenseless. It feels like she could break or disappear at any moment. What will happen now? I'm afraid I've made the wrong choice by rushing things with her. Not that I regret what have just happened, hell no. I'd redo it a thousand times. What scares me is that I might unnecessarily endanger her. I should have wait for this whole thing to calm down and let it all be behind me. First become a better man, then get her back. I kinda messed up my plan. But would she have waited for me? I doubt it. Beautiful as she is, finding someone else more adequate in every way shouldn't be a trouble. I'm not sure I would be able to bear it but for her I would have made the effort. As long as she is happy, even if it's not with me... Despite common sense she chose me anyway. And now that she's mine again, I can't bring myself to let her go. "What do you love so much about me?" I whisper, brushing her cheek with my thumb. "I wish I could read your thoughts." Tenderly, I kiss her forehead. I swear on all that I hold dear to become a man worthy of her, so that she'll never regret having chosen me. I'll do everything to protect us. "Sweet dreams, little angel." -- I miss her. We spent a good part of the morning together, just cuddling to enjoy each other's presence. It was good not to think and appreciate the present. Unfortunately, she had to go to class and I had to bring myself to leave her. I sigh. Lying in my bed, I absent-mindedly pet Blanche who is resting on my chest. I wonder what she's doing right now. Does she work? Does she still have class? I sigh again while staring at my screen phone. Should I call her? No, it can be risky if she is busy. So a message? She'll answer me when she has time. I retype the same text several times without knowing how to write it. « Are you busy? Can we talk? » I delete it, it sucks. « This morning was nice » Worst. Oh fuck it, I'll get this straight. -    I miss you Sent. I'm waiting for what feels like years to me, eyes lock on the screen. Even if she has things to do, she could still give me some sign of life… right? Not receiving any answers back, I now glance at Blanche who has just got up to go sleeping at the edge of my bed, far from me. I’ve apparently disturbed her. "You two are the same. You play hard to get and once you have what you want, I no longer exist." Blanche has her eyes on me as I speak, then returns to her nap, ignoring me. I'm looking at my phone again. Nothing. What an idiot I am. A freaking idiot in love. I'm dying to join her. Maybe she could directly come to my flat after she finishes her things? My place is still the same so she knows the way. "Would you like to see her again, Blanche?" Her cute little ears twitch slightly. I stirred her curiosity because she comes back to me after stretching graciously. Really Blanche? I sit up to pet the top of her head. "You know I could almost be jealous of your interest in her?" She just curls on my thighs and purrs to curry my favor. I obviously am weak against her little game. As I said, they are exactly the same. Quickly, I write a new message: « Blanche missed you too, you can come later and see her » I think for a moment before sending it. There's something missing. I want to tease her a bit. I submit instead; -    We can go to my flat tonight. Blanche missed you too she would love to be petted I know she'll understand my innuendos. She doesn't make me wait too much this time, I receive an answer right away.  -    Isn't it you who want to be petted instead? Bingo. I chuckle at her response. She has no idea how much. -    Can't deny I hope to get as much attention as her, or more ;) -    Already needy? We just left each other this morning Ouch. She stings where it hurts. But hey, I wasn't the neediest last night. -    Say the girl who threw herself on me last night She takes her sweet time to reply. I'm sure she's as red as a tomato. I would have loved to see her flushing face. Too bad. At least I'll have all the time I need tonight to make her blush if she accepts my propositions... -    Okay I'll come but only for Blanche. See you tonight ♥ Damn, I smile like an idiot when I see her heart-shaped emoticon. I feel like a teenager again. She definitely knows what she's doing to me. "Did you see that Blanche?" I say, scratching her ear. "Your mom is coming back home." **************************************** Author note: Yes, Nathaniel is a jealous freak. And at the same time, he's a little marshmallow ... Don't worry baby, I love you anyway. On a serious note, I hope I've written our favorite blond passion/fear right. He's crazy in love with Candy, change my mind. I don't know how many times I've written he finds her beautiful lol 

[ginarbk]

Maybe... Everlark Oneshot

So I finally, after years of wanting but not doing it, I wrote something! I’m excited, and scared, and I know it’s going to be hard for someone to actually find this and read it, but I still feel happy about posting it here. So here goes nothing!  

This is a story where we see Katniss struggling to come to terms that she is not alone on her misery, even in her darkest times Peeta is there for her.

It's been two months since Peeta came back, since I woke up from the fogginess that covered my thoughts, since my nerve-endings became aware of how much that fog was covering up the pain and grieve. Sometimes I don't know how I can manage to breathe, how is it that my body has not gotten the idea that I'm dead inside, that I wish to be dead on the outside as well.

That first day, when I saw Peeta again I was so confused and shocked that I did not recognize this feeling inside me that is consuming me now. I feel such sorrow, and guilt. And each time I see Peeta, it all comes back to me, it's like a train set in motion that cannot be stopped. I see him, and I feel tremendous guilt, for what they did to him to break me, for what I did to him in order to not be broken, he is so calm, even now after all, each time he comes he brings an aura of peace and calmness that makes me want to crawl out of my skin because I feel anything but.

So, I start to close myself off to him, he comes in the mornings, after I have come from hunting, we eat breakfast with Sae, sometimes they talk sometimes they don't, but I usually just listen. Too tired, and really what can I say that has any meaning now? I'm sorry? Too little, too late. Because a world with no ducktail in it is not a world I can see as something whole, or good so why bother talking about it?. A world where supposed-friends were nothing but an instinct of survival, where mothers forget they still have families when others don't even get to say that and where the best people had to go through the worst just to keep living. I try to remind myself that we live in a different world now, a better one. But for the life of me, today I can't seem to be able to grasp that concept. Maybe if I hadn't heard about Gail today while I was coming back from my usual morning in the woods, but I did and I remember everything so vividly that I cannot escape the past reality on my own now, which revolves around a dead sister. Maybe if Peeta, being the gentleman he is, was trying to give me space, because even without communicating it so to him, he felt that I was withdrawing and didn't want to push me. Maybe, maybe, maybe...

But, we will never know now. Because we don't live in a world of maybe, we live in a world of facts, and the fact is that I have several pills on my hand, most of them I don't know their purpose but I do know that I'm taking more than my fill for a couple of days. And the fact is, that I feel relieved. I take the pills and with a last sigh, I swallow them all.

I guess I could have left letters, I have heard that was the custom thing to do on these cases, but I can't say I thought this through, I just did what it felt I needed to stop feeling everything I was. Or maybe I did think about this before and am just as selfish as everyone thought I was. It can be either way, but the fact is, that I'm beginning to feel really sleepy now, and can't summon the energy to write anything now. I guess selfish it is then.

And just as I am starting to be lifted into the darkness, I see him. Right there in front of me, and I think that this is the final reprieve from life to me, a gift, his face one more time before I go. And I embrace it.

But as it turns out, it wasn't a reprieve. Because first, I start feeling something stuck on my throat, making me gag until I can't breathe, this along with something rhythmically trying to make me spit out my longs by hitting me in the back, and a burning that goes up from my stomach to my mouth. And all I once I'm aware that I'm throwing up everything into the floor of my bathroom where I was just sitting before with someone forcing it out of me by hitting my back and introducing their fingers down my tongue.

Once I feel some air in my lungs again I chance a peek up and come into view with the angriest Peeta I have ever seen in my life. Not even when he had his hands around my neck did I see such anger in him, I saw fear, desperation, and an almost animal instinct to fight, but not this pure raw rage.  "What are you doing Katniss?!"

I find that I can't answer his shouts, so I just lower my gaze to something safer to watch, like his trembling hands which come up to me, but it isn't until I'm suddenly surrounded by his arms that I understand what they were meaning to do. I feel him all around me, something I haven't been able to feel in months and I'm thankful I came back even if this was the last embrace he ever gave me, because it feels so incredibly good that once again, I know I'm not going to be the first one to let go. I hear him whisper something, and first I can't decipher its meaning, then as I pay better attention I make out a faint  "Please no, Katniss, don't do this. You can't, please."

This is the final straw for me, and it's ironic that after all, fires, mutts, arenas full of monsters, even ghosts, this is what breaks me. I start sobbing so hard, that I can't keep myself from shaking and repeating over and over how sorry I am. Sometimes to him, sometimes to people that can't ever hear me again. And each time he just replies "Shhh, I know. I'm sorry too"

And for what can be hours or days, I just sit there, in Peeta's arms crying like a little girl, because for once I get to do just that, I get to fall apart and someone was there to catch me. Peeta keeps feeding me gentle words, his rage nowhere to be found now, it evaporated as fast as it came. And it's a wonder he has held me so close and hasn't had an episode, I guess he has come farther than I have realized, lost in my grief as I was.

Once I have settled, we come back to my bedroom where the light of midday is shining through the curtains. And it seems so foreign, that I could feel like that in such a beautiful day. And I still feel it, inside me, but it's no longer consuming me because now I feel like someone is lifting the weight with me. Somewhere along the tiles of the bathroom I understood that being as good as he is, Peeta also feels guilt like me, he also lost people, his family was killed indirectly because of him too, though it was really mostly my fault he still carries that on his shoulders and I feel like he can understand after all.

So, when I lift my face and find his there, waiting for me, with an arrangement of emotions on his face like sorrow, anger, empathy, and just general understanding I decide that maybe, I can keep on going as long as he walks along with me. Of course, the implications of this scare me, and instead, I just say "I felt so lonely"

"I know Katniss, I do too. Do you think it's easier for me? All my family is gone, I have nowhere else to go, not really. There are days where I just can't keep myself out of bed. But I do, and I'm here, and you are here and doesn't that counts for something?" I just keep staring at him, because I realize that yes, it does counts for something. It must, because otherwise what was the meaning of everything we went through? But, before I can reply, he continues "Can't we be lonely together, until we are not anymore? I know we can get better Katniss, Dr. Aurelius has taught me that I can get better, but most of all, being here has proved that to be right because each time I'm with you in the same and I don't get lost in my hijacking I feel that as a small victory. So, please just let me help. Take it one day at a time, and it'll become a week at a time, and then a month, and you'll see Katniss..."

"I'll see what?"

"That we can make it worth Katniss, everything that happened, we can give it meaning. Don't you see? That by doing this you throw all that away? There has to be a meaning Katniss!" And his pleads are so desperate, that it awakens my protectiveness of him.

"Ok," I say

"Ok?"

"Yes, Peeta. We can find its meaning together"

"Do you want breakfast?"

And just like that, we are back to our morning routine. We both know the magnitude of what I just did, and that we'll have to discuss it later. But we both also know that we are not nearly ready at the moment to do so without causing another breakdown in me or a flashback on him. I guess we were lucky it wasn't anything bloody or reminiscent of his torture days, otherwise, I think things wouldn't have had worked out as they did. For now, I'm just glad he found me, and that I found in him a companion for my burden. Even though he was there all along, I didn't understand that he could walk this path with me, that we could find understanding on each other again. Or that he would even want to. But I guess we are all each other has at the moment, and for now, that's all we need.

Weeks later, I find that we were wrong, we have so much more than just ourselves. Haymitch, by some miracle, starts appearing out of nowhere for dinners, and it becomes a thing. Sae keeps on coming for breakfast even after I'm well enough to start cooking, not every day, but enough to make it count each time she does. I find that Peeta was right, and Dr. Aurelius can help along the way, and I even start calling my mother which helps me comes to terms with everything that has happened, everyone who is not here but we fight hard to still make proud. There are still days where I feel in a black pit again, but Peeta is good now at figuring out what I need and when I need it. And I have found, that even with all my inadequacy at emotions I can read him quite well, so well that I also know when he is having a bad day or week, and in those moments I try harder to be of help. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. And because of this, I think that maybe, just maybe we will be able to make it through after all.

And there comes the day where that Maybe starts to become more and more blurry and gives wake to a Real.

[ofsinnersandsaints]

where do you run

rating: E (things have taken a turn for the smutty) word count: 11068 chapter: 5/?

ao3

Keyleth is restless after her fight with Raishan and her forced alliance with a dragon she can’t begin to trust.

When she can’t sleep, she seeks out companionship and despite a castle full of allies the only person she can think to go to is Grog, and she finds the kind of comfort and understanding she hasn’t known for a very long time.

This chapter takes places during Episode 75, while Vox Machina is in the City of Brass and reference stuff which happened in 74

Keyleth came to in the dark, to the sound of someone shuffling around in Grog’s room where she’d fallen asleep.

She’d waited up for him, had tried to stay awake because more than a little bit of her hoped he’d make good on his promise from the night before. After more than an hour, she gave up and crawled under the covers.

“You up?” Grog asked from across the room, not looking up from his boots which he was undoing and dropping onto the floor.

“Yeah,” she lit her hand on fire to light the candle she knew was on the table by the bed. “Everything okay?”

Grog nodded and took off his other boot. “I was with Pike.”

There was something a little off about him, Keyleth would almost say he was morose except she couldn’t remember Grog ever being anything but angry or happy. Pulling back the covers, she got out of the bed and padded barefoot across the room.

She debated with herself the entire walk, all eight seconds of it, and by the time she reached Grog she still hadn’t made up her mind of what to do so she listened to her gut and slid onto his lap, wrapping her arms loosely around his neck. “Everything okay?”

One of his arms hooked around her waist, his fingers pinching a little at the fabric there. “Yeah.”

Keyleth ran one hand down the back of his neck, attempting to soothe. She might not know what to do for people who were upset, she’d been so isolated as a kid she didn’t know how to do much of anything, but she knew what she’d want. “Do you want to me pretend like I believe you?”

He huffed out a laugh and leaned back in the chair, his free hand coming up to rest on her thigh, his thumb brushing against her skin absently. “Nah, I don’t.”

She resisted the urge to wiggle against the touch, and remembered this wasn’t ‘wet and begging’ time, Grog needed emotional comfort, not physical. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

“I took the potion, right? The clever shit.”

“Yeah?”

“So I went to Pike, thinking you know, while I was smart and shit I would try to learn something.”

His voice was clipped and sharp around the consonants, and she could almost feel how much of that was directed at himself. “It didn’t work?”

“You knew it was temporary?” and he sounded so defeated, like maybe he should have known too.

Keyleth shrugged. “A lot of potions are temporary, but not all of them. I mean the healing stuff we take doesn’t wear off and we don’t know who made the potion you drank, so anything’s possible. I’m sorry it didn’t take, though.”

His sigh was heavy. “It was cool while it lasted.”

She continued her touch on the back of his neck, her nails lightly scratching the skin and since he made a quiet, kind of purring sound-which she would absolutely never say point out-she didn’t stop. “You know the rest of us don’t hold your lack book smarts against you, right? You’re not responsible for how terribly you were brought up.”

“You think it’s Kevdak’s fault?”

“Everything is Kevdak’s fault,” Keyleth informed him cheerfully and the corners of his mouth lifted almost in a smile. “But if you want to learn, Pike’s a good teacher and you’ll get there eventually.”

“I don’t know. If I could have read earlier, the Giant writing, it would have helped.”

Keyleth shrugged and could have sworn Grog’s hand slipped a little higher up her leg. “We’ve all fucked up at some point, Grog, you’re not immune to that. I still kick myself over not being able to bring the Sun tree back after spending eight fucking hours underground. Who knows how much easier things would have been if I could have done that?”

Okay, that time his hand definitely did move but she wasn’t sure if he was being intentional or just absent minded. “If you want, I can list all the ridiculous, stupid, and reckless stuff we’ve all done, the stuff we can’t even blame on our shit families.”

He chuckled but shook his head. “Maybe another time. Thanks, by the way.”

“For what?”

“When those efreeti tried to grab me earlier, when we first got here? You were the first person to stop. I just wanted to thank you for that.”

Keyleth was quiet for a second because she hadn’t thought about it in the moment, Grog had been flanked and they’d been talking about keeping him, and while she fully trusted him to take care of himself, she wasn’t about to let him go it alone.

“We’re a team,” she finally said. “Although in fairness, I was not at any point helpful during that whole thing.” Her eyes lit up, “See! I may be able to read but I’m shit at intimidating!”

His smile was a little affectionate even as he shook his head. “Yeah, how is it you can go to head with a green dragon with a mouth full of rage but when you’re in a back alley, nothing?”

The question was asked with humor so Keyleth didn’t take offense to it. “Anger is different than intimidation,” she shrugged. “And I’m not good at faking emotions.”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice an octave deeper as his finger tightened around her thigh. “I noticed you’re not very good at hiding them either.”

Keyleth gasped, “You were doing that on purpose!”

His grin was all cocky amusement, “I did say I was going to thank you.”

“I was trying to be polite,” she argued, punching his shoulder. “You were upset and I didn’t want to push.”

“Trust me, Kiki, if you ever want to push yourself on me, feel free.” She opened her mouth to say something but Grog’s hand slid between her thighs and she lost the thought. “Now, do you want me to thank you, or not?”

She tried for cool, but wasn’t sure how well she managed it since ‘cool’ was not one of her strong suits. “Does this mean I thank you next?”

“Thank me for what?” he asked.

“For grabbing me,” she reminded him “When we booked it out of the alley you threw me over your shoulder instead of leaving me behind.”

“Wouldn’t do that,” he assured her, her legs spreading to give his hand more room. “Couldn’t do that.”

“This is-“ her voice cut off when his hand slipped beneath her sleep shirt. “This is a very precarious position for me, Grog. And didn’t you say something about flat surfaces?”

“We’ll get to that,” he all but grunted. “Until then, I guess you’ll just have to hold onto me.”

She was perched on his leg, her balance contingent on sitting still which she thought might be a difficult thing to accomplish in the coming moments and the last thing she wanted was to lose her balance and fall to the ground. That was a kind of embarrassment no one could live down, so she had little recourse but to wrap her arm around Grog’s neck and hope she wouldn’t make an idiot out of herself.

His finger traced the skin just an inch away from where she actually wanted him and her breath caught at the impossibly featherlight touch from the big man. “Are you wet?”

Her grip tightened on him at the question. “Grog.”

“Answer the question.”

Something tumbled and tripped inside her at the order. “Yes.”

“How wet?”

“You could just figure it out for yourself,” she reminded him for purely selfish reasons because she really wanted his fingers where she was wet and needy. No one else but her had ever touched her there and she wanted him to be the first.

“Tell me.”

“Very,” she finally admitted, the heat of her cheeks practically a beacon of red. “I didn’t know you were going to hang out with Pike so I thought you were going to come back and make good on your promise from yesterday. I thought about it almost the entire time you were gone.”

“Did you touch yourself?”

“No.”

He looked genuinely confused by the answer. “Why not?”

“I wanted it to be you,” she admitted, past being embarrassed.

Grog’s finger brushed against the curls between her legs, and she jerked against the barely there touch. “You okay,” he asked quietly, his mouth nearly touching her ear.

“Yes,” she nodded. “I just haven’t done this before.”

He stopped moving, his fingers curling around her leg again which was the second to last thing she wanted. The actual last thing was him stopping altogether. “You haven’t?”

Her laughter was a little shaky to her own ears, “What part of anything I have ever done has made you think I have any experience with anything?”

Grog opened his mouth and then shut it again. “Do you want to stop?”

“No,” and she’d never been more emphatic about anything in her life. She grabbed his wrist to make sure he didn’t pull it away, “And if you even think about it, I will kill you.”

He nodded slowly, “If you want me to stop or slow down, just say the word.”

“I want you to kiss me,” she blurted out, her hand immediately clapping over her mouth, unable to believe she’d actually just said that out loud.

But Grog didn’t mock her, he didn’t even laugh, instead his gaze moved to where her fingers covered her lips. Reaching up with the hand he had nearly fondled her with, he grabbed her wrist, and pulled her hand away from her mouth. For some reason Keyleth hadn’t realized until now that her face was exactly level with Grog’s which made it infinitely easy for him to lean forward and kiss her.

She loved kissing him.

He wasn’t exactly a gentle man, even in this he wasn’t soft, and there was something about the roughness which warmed and heated her from the inside out. It could only be Grog kissing her with such aggression and single mindedness, his beard scraping against her skin.

The arm which had been wrapped around her waist tightened as he leaned into her, keeping her from losing her balance, but Keyleth was clinging to him anyway and wouldn’t have let go for anything. When he scraped her bottom lip with his teeth she heard herself made a quiet noise in the back of throat, Grog’s embrace tightening almost painfully.

She gasped in response, and as if Grog had been waiting for exactly that, he slipped his tongue into her mouth and Keyleth felt herself go a little wild at the erotic touch. Unsure what to do, she went with instinct and touched her tongue to his. The growl which came from Grog told her it had been the right thing.

“Spread your legs for me,” he murmured against her lips, and didn’t wait for her to listen before he started kissing her again. It was difficult to do while perched on his thigh, but she wasn’t about to do anything which might make him stop his assault on her mouth.

Keyleth shifted on his lap, and as soon as she gave him enough room he touched her; his fingers spreading those more intimate lips to slide along the wet heat.

“Grog,” she gasped, her hips moving against his hand.

“That’s right,” he whispered, his lips moving to her neck to press hot, wet kisses to the sensitive skin there. “Fuck, you’re so wet. That’s for me?”

“Yes,” and she felt no shame in admitting it. “I was thinking about you touching me just like this.”

There was a primitive sound deep in his throat which caused a visceral reaction within Keyleth and she knew enough about nature to never shy from the base or instinctual. Bodies were meant to have pleasure, and just because she’d never experienced it quite like this before, didn’t mean she shouldn’t let herself revel in it now.

He used those blunt fingertips to slide against her, occasionally bumping against her clit in an absent, almost accidental touch. Almost. She’d never known Grog to be anything but deliberate, and even while he mouthed the base of her neck, teeth and lips and tongue, he was driving her up with his hands.

“I have to get you ready for me,” he told her and she could feel his finger against her entrance. “I’m a big guy and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Yeah. Yes. Please.”

She felt like an idiot, she was hardly the most charismatic and eloquent person in normal circumstances but Grog had basically shut off all higher brain function while she’d barely gotten a chance to touch him.

His face was serious as he slowly pushed his finger into her pussy and she could feel him stretch her, the pressure unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. Her hand was still holding onto his wrist and she tightened her grip as she began to move against him.

“Fuck,” he bit out. “You going to fuck my hand, Keyleth? Get yourself off on my fingers? That’s right, pull me in deeper. I can’t wait until that’s my cock.”

She whimpered at the promise in those words, at the feel of his finger pulling out and back in again.

When he kissed her there was no finesse or skill, just raw emotion as he thrust his tongue into her mouth, a filthy kiss that was somehow just as much of a turn on as the single digit moving inside her.

Keyleth didn’t know how Grog managed to keep himself so together; he kept her from falling with his arm around her, his leg steady beneath her, his fingers and lips seducing her beyond anything she could believe.

She could barely follow one thought with another, and still she wanted more.

“Whatever you want,” Grog answered and Keyleth blushed at the realization she’d spoken the thought out loud. “But first things first, I want you to get yourself off just like this, then you can have whatever you want.”

She didn’t have to be told twice, moving against his hand, his finger curling inside her to brush against those hidden, sensitive nerves. The base of his palm brushed against her clit and she realized if she simply gyrated against him she could get the pressure to last and last until the quick jolt of pleasure flashed through her body.

A small orgasm, but still it left her reeling and breathless.

“Fuck that was hot. Anytime you want my hands, just let me know because I could watch you do that for days.” Before she could think of anything to say in response to that, he scooped her up and carried her to the bed.

“I promised you a flat surface,” he reminded her, clearly having seen the question on her face. “I’m going to take this off you now, yeah?”

He was talking about the shirt and Keyleth sat up on the bed, her legs spread with Grog standing between them, and pulled it off. She was vain enough to be happy at the dumbfounded look on his face when he saw her naked.

“By the gods, I want to touch every inch of you.”

Keyleth reached out and grabbed his hand, wanting the same thing, and put it on her breast. “Please.”

His hand completely covered her tit, and it was so sensitive that every scrape of his callouses made her whimper, desperation making her needy.

Then he was fucking her again with his finger, the intrusion a welcome shock which sent her hurtling over a cliff she didn’t think she could survive.

“I can’t wait to hear you scream like that again,” he said, his words a mad rush as he worked the buckles of his pants.

“Do you think anyone heard?” she asked because she hadn’t realized she’d screamed, didn’t know how loud it had been, but she could feel the scrape of it on her throat.

“I hope they did,” he grinned, all feral passion. “Can you take me, Keyleth?”

“Yes,” and she thought might actually beg him if he didn’t fill her up, if she didn’t feel him inside her before the minute was out.

His big hands grabbed her waist and pulled her to the edge of the bed so her legs would have dangled off the end if he hadn’t wrapped them around his waist. She wanted to ask to see him, to feel him, to put her hands around his length but she didn’t get a chance.

He was inside her in a single, quick thrust which had her crying out again.

Nothing hurt, but every inch of her was stardust, expanding around him and taking him in.

“Oh.”

The word was so small and yet the only thing she could think of.

“You still with me?”

“Yes.” She tried to touch him but he was standing above her and the best she could reach was his forearm. “But you’re too far away.”

Grog shook his head, taking the hands which reached for him and pressing them back on the bed. “Later. Next time. If you touch me now I’m going to explode and I want to feel you come around my cock at least once.”

“At least?” Keyleth repeated, she’d already come twice and couldn’t image pulling more pleasure out of her.

“Flat surface, wet and begging,” he reminded her as he slowly slid out of her cunt. “I don’t think I’ve gotten the begging part out of you yet.”

When he pushed back into her, her entire body arched into it, her nails scraping his skin as she clung to him. Again and again he moved, the slick friction a wild and erotic contrast to the hardness of his hand on her skin, his fingertips pulling at her nipples, palming her breast and kneading it with the kind of force that might bruise anyone else.

But she was stronger than she looked and she could take whatever he gave.

With that in mind she tightened her legs around him, taking more of in and preventing him from pulling out more than an inch or so. The quick, short strokes were hitting her in the deep place inside her which caused lightning to shoot through her veins.

Grog must have sensed she was close because he released her breast and reached down to her clit, the pressure in her cunt and on that cluster of nerves was more than enough to give her an earth shattering orgasm. Every muscle tightened, her fists clutching the sheets when she’d rather be holding onto him.

She saw a brief flash of red in his eyes, a rage she didn’t fear but an indicator of how much he felt as she clenched around him.

“One more,” he demanded as he continued those short, hard strokes. “Give me one more.”

Keyleth could already feel her body building towards the next climax, one of his hands on her tit, the other on her clit, and her entire world was focused on him. She was on the edge, she could feel how close it was, but it was just out of reach.

“Grog.” His eyes flared again, and she realized it was the first time she’d said his name while he was inside her and it had obviously set something off in him. “Grog, please.”

Hadn’t he wanted her to beg? Didn’t she desperately want and need this last orgasm, the one she was so close to? “Grog, I need to come. Please.”

He picked up speed, both his cock and his hand, and she couldn’t believe how quickly she shot up towards that last explosion, her entire world a blinding white light as she felt Grog empty out inside of her.

“Shit,” she heard Grog say. “Shit, fuck.”

“Right back at you,” Keyleth managed to say as Grog pulled out, their fluids mixing between her legs on the sheets.

His hands were infinitely gentle as he ran his hands over her body as if attempting to soothe her. “Are you okay?”

“I need water,” she said. “And to use the bathroom. And then probably more water.”

Grog held his hand out to her and she accepted his help off the bed and then went back to the Bag of Holding to get out the jug and asked for water. She quickly took care of business in the next room and when she came back he handed her a glass and then used some torn linens to clean himself up and she unabashedly watched while she took sips of the water.

There was no way she could take him again so soon but she could admire him from a distance; big chest, broad shoulders, pants barely clinging to his hips. After he was done he held out clean rags to her so she could do the same.

“You didn’t answer my question,” he said as he put himself back together. “Are you okay?”

She reached for her shirt which had found its way to the ground and pulled it back on. “I’m great,” she told him honestly. “How are you?”

“Never better.” He pulled off the dirty duvet and replaced it with another one from the closet. He walked towards where she stood at the footboard and touched the hollow of her neck where he’d spent a good deal of time while she’d still been on his lap. “You’ve got a bruise there.”

“I can take care of that,” Keyleth assured him, raising her hand, the palm of it already glowing with a bit of bright green magic but he stopped her with his own hand.

“Leave it,” he said, then released her hand and looked a little abashed. “I mean, if you don’t mind, I’d rather if you didn’t heal it away.”

It didn’t take her more than a second to understand. He’d marked her, whether that had been a conscious decision or not, that’s what the end result was and she suspected he wanted to see that mark on her. Wanted the others to see.

And there was a part of Keyleth which wanted to keep it as well, to show she had no reservations about the man who had marked her. She lowered her hand and touched his shoulder instead. “We should probably go to bed now, we have a big day of pretending to be slaves tomorrow.”

Grog grunted and rolled his eyes. “You know this plan is going to go to shit, right?”

“Don’t all of our plans go to shit?” she asked as she climbed onto the bed, moving to her knees as she reached out to touch him, getting the contact she hadn’t been able to get while he’d fucked her brain out. “Maybe we should have stayed the S.H.I.T.S., it was a more accurate name. But we’ll be fine, we always are. We could always-”

He shook his head and pushed her back on to the mattress. “Remember what you said a couple seconds ago? Sleep now, strategize tomorrow.”

“But-“ he stopped her with a kiss, soft and warm.

“Sleep.”

With a sigh Keyleth crawled under the covers and as soon Grog joined her beneath the blankets she curled into him and within a minute she was a deep, restful sleep and felt safer than she ever had in her life.

It felt a little like home.

[nebula-starlight]

Virus (Part 3 - Choices Made)

Hi there...

I know it’s been a while since we last talked but I’m-

“No, that won’t work!”

Tossing the unusable letter into the air with a swat of his paw, Geer spat out a tiny spark of electricity, frying the paper into a pile of ashes before he rested his forehead against the counter in his kitchen. A frustrated sigh left him as he closed his yellow eyes wearily. Why did he think writing an apology to Narssia for his lack of communication would help any when the last thing he received from her had been a refusal to advance their friendship past where it was months ago. It never would have worked out anyway with her being busy so often.

It had been nearly a week since his episode in the library and he’d requested some time off from his work to figure out what was going on. His supervisor had been more than happy to grant it, especially since he never usually asked off to begin with, but now the loneliness had kicked in. The one bedroom house he rented only had so much within its walls and Melvise was busy at the clinic so he couldn’t bother her. Still there had to be something he could do! 

Lifting his head from the shaped, speckled marble of the countertop he glared down in disgust at the small diamond-like patch of scales that stood out along the top of his breastbone. It didn’t act like any fungus would or even itch but just sat there, beckoning to the world as though it was a sign...

He gasped, stumbling back as he suddenly remembered what he’d read in the old tome about how a fallen or Shadowling would mark its chosen. What else had the book said? Something about a mental connection forming? But he hadn’t experienced anything of the-

No, he had. The event in the library. It had been his only warning that he was marked. Why then hadn’t he seen Nether since? If the spirit was supposed to seek out its host then what was the delay? Sure he was starting to have nightmares every so often but he was used to them anyway from years of blaming his lack of wings on why he was abandoned before hatching. Some might say he even drowned in secret guilt but he tried to never let it show, always wearing his specially made cloak when he was outside. Now in his own home, however, he felt fine to move around unhindered by fabric, only pulling the shades on his windows shut to deter any passerby’s snide comments. He didn’t even live in a busy part of the city but a fair share of dragons took the road he was on to get to the market square located in the dead center of town.

Deciding he wasn’t going to get the letter written just standing there in his kitchen, he sighed and headed out into the connecting den with his head barely higher than his chest in shame. Why wasn’t he a good friend? Sure he thought he wanted more from Narssia but even still, reading her last letter hurt just as much as it had on the day he’d gotten it. That rejection was just another blow to his already fragile heart. How much more could he take at this point!

Throwing himself on the ugly tan couch he obtained shortly after he moved in, Geer curled up on the worn fabric and yawned. He hadn’t really noticed how tired he was but laying there with the late afternoon sun on his back through the drawn shades seemed to be the push he needed to nod off for a quick nap.

The ground was covered in mist when he opened his eyes, looking around in confusion as the sight no longer resembled where he fell asleep. Where was he? Curious, Geer got to his feet and started to walk, hissing slightly as the raised pattern of scales suddenly begun to burn.

“I-Is anyone out there?”

‘So you finally heard mine call?’

He froze mid-step, eyes going wide as the voice echoed across the vast empty expanse. The deep rumble was all too familiar, baring a trace of an accent that registered in his mind as German. It couldn’t be! Sure he hadn’t seen the spirit since accidentally setting it free but how in the nine realms had it been the one to find him?!

“Net- Nether, how?” He stumbled forward, falling onto his belly as he scratched uselessly at the rough, uneven ground. “How did you find me? Why am I even your chosen?” Tears sprung to his eyes, all of the emotions he had been suppressing for the past week surging to the surface all of a sudden. “I’m not special. Not even whole by the standards of my peers... Why waste your time on an outcast like myself?”

‘You are mistaken. Why wouldn’t I choose someone like myself? Look at me, Geer...’

Gentle, nearly invisible pressure against his jaw only made the flightless drake start to sob, his heartbreaking cries echoing through the desolate space. He thought he heard the spirit sigh but wasn’t sure, shaking his head in denial. They were nothing alike! Nether was strong and fearless while he... While he was a complete coward who hid behind useless trivia and tried to overlook the stigma society placed upon him for his disability.

‘Nein, mine friend... If you won’t look up then listen at least. You wonder why I waited, why I did not go to you after realizing what had occurred? The implant, it...’ Nether paused to sigh once more, Geer’s sobbing finally starting to subside as the mist flickering around him slid over his scarred back. ‘I won’t lie. The adjustment period - if you wish to call it such - wasn’t pleasant. Having mine language snatched from me as the poison continued to... Well let’s say there were several mood shifts over the last few days. Only now did I feel composed enough to visit you.’

“Why though? What can I offer that you don’t already have?”

Two softly glowing crimson orbs met his gaze as Geer looked up from where he lay on the ground. He blinked, sniffling as the mere presence of the fallen spirit brought him a sense of comfort he realized he had lacked for far too long. For years he had built up this emotional wall of stress, shoving every disappointment and criticism behind to the point where he’d isolated himself away from those that had only been trying to help. Anger was all he had carried in his heart. Bitterness over his abandonment driving the biggest wedge in his friendship with Narssia. No wonder she rejected him and went silent...

‘Do not blame yourself for the female’s actions. She is as much to blame for what happened, if not more.’ Nether’s low voice washed over him, the truth difficult for Geer to believe but necessary if he was to accept his part of the blame. ‘Now then, you asked a question earlier and wanted to know what I gain out of this. Why I chose someone who only sees what the world expects? And yet, in doing so, never embraces the unique position their differences brings.’

The spirit advanced, his familiar bat-like shape now visible against the mist as his eyes shone like welcoming beckons in the midst of a terrible storm. ‘I suppose an explanation is needed for mine words. Call it a defect if you wish but I am, to an extent, a highly susceptible empath. Each emotion of those around I feel and were it not for my dangerous abilities I would have lost myself long ago. The fact I still have sanity is a testament to years of study... and then being Sol’s most successful interrogator. Fear is something many wield as a weapon but forget it can also be used for good.’

“But how?” Geer asked, crawling closer to the only being he could properly consider as an emotional lifeline in his current situation. “All those taunts and quips over the years about my back... Not to mention the cloak that they try to rip from around my neck. Explain why that can be anything more than the cruelty of dragon nature!”

‘You give credit too quickly, Geer. Mine words are not an end all however much you may wish. I speak only from my own experience, plus what little I have gleaned from your mind already. Wars start in the heart after all...’

“Sure they do,” he hissed back, digging one paw into the ground under him for stability as he started to rise, voice slowly rising into a frustrated scream. “And parents cast aside an imperfect child because they don’t want to be seen as anything less than ideal members of the storm!”

‘Are you surprised really?’ Nether questioned, his form flickering slightly. ‘Society shapes what the perfect representation looks like and all those who obey react in kind. The old, sickly and deformed are forgotten in favor of having the grand image be of an unbreakable nation. Time and time again this is the case and never will change unless action is taken by all.’ He ventured closer, wisps of faint magenta visible along the edges of his wings.

“Just come out and say it! Why am I so special to you?” Geer screeched, screaming the question as the emotionless slitted irises watching him finally narrowed in what he knew was anger.

The fallen spirit growled, trails of crimson light flickering from his eyes as the surrounding mist turned black. ‘Because you offer a light to mine darkness. A counterbalance if you will. I ask not for an answer immediate but consider what I suggest. I’ll give you a few days to decide what you want but keep in mind that I can erase all the shame. You could be airborne within a month should you choose...’

Geer hesitated, uncertainties running rampant through his mind. Would he still be himself then if he accepted the role before him? It seemed so tempting but was it the right thing to do? Had he missed something while reading that tome?

And more importantly was there a way he didn’t have to become Nether’s host?

He flinched suddenly, shaking his head as he tried to ignore the low buzzing that had crept into his thoughts roughly about the same time he’d seen the mist turn black. Looking closer he could almost see sparks of green flickering through it, curiosity prompting him to reach out with a paw.

‘Oh, are you going to ignore me now? Well then... LEAVE!’

Geer woke with a start, falling off the couch as he tried to calm his racing heart. So he was Nether’s chosen then. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t just go out and search for the...

Wait, where was that staticky noise coming from? He lifted his head, glancing up at the kitchen to see the faint, glitchy shape of a pixelated cloud flickering overtop of the paper he’d left. That’s right, he had been trying to write a letter before he fell asleep.

Intrigued, he got to his feet and followed the noise to its source. As he had seen earlier, it was indeed a glitchy black and green cloud... one that seemed to recognize his presence despite the fact that he’d never seen it before in his life.

“Uhh... hi there.” He was used to seeing somewhat odd things in the past but the fact that the staticky hum only grew louder should have been his signal to leave right away.

Key word being should because he didn’t, watching as it slithered around his forepaws before moving up to his shoulders. There was this entrancement to the way it moved, glitchy but still extremely fluid as it briefly vanished from his sight. Turning his head to keep up with the progress, he suddenly heard a multitude of low, overlapping whispers all crying out for attention.

Help... Pain... Make it stop!

“Hold on! What are you? I know I heard talk of a glitch showing up but...”

The corrupt figment curled around his neck, specifically avoiding the mark announcing he was chosen, while its influence set his scales aflame. He coughed, stepping back to try and breathe as the whispers grew louder, more demanding. Something was very much wrong but he was in far too deep now to turn back!

He tried to lift a paw, only to find he couldn’t actually move the limb as the glitch coiled tighter around Geer’s neck. Black spots danced across his vision, limbs shaking as the lack of oxygen was starting to pull him down. This couldn’t be how he was going to die!

‘Either get moving or I will drag you out of this house by your tail. That warning wasn’t just meant to be ignored, Geer. She’s not known for her patience I’m afraid. Better start walking before you drown in the static.’

He... He couldn’t see. All he could hear was the noise, the constant, oppressive hum that snuffed out any trace of Nether’s warning. Become her vessel it seemed to suggest as the constriction around his throat eased gradually. Just accept her inside long enough to write one simple letter...

Geer’s eyes opened, the normally yellow irises glazed over with a layer of green as the glitch lifted one of his paws and dipped a clawtip in a small bottle of ink he had set out beside the paper. With long, curving strokes the possessed drake wrote, eyes staring blankly at the paper as images of blood-splattered snow and blinding fiery beckons flashed through his mind too quickly to decipher.

Draw attention... Get vessel... Seek-

‘What the hell are you doing?’

The kitchen exploded into shadows, a single shape rising up from the ground with a distinct bone-chilling hiss that seemed to finally break through to Geer. He jerked back, blinking fiercely as Nether glared down at him in disappointment, breathing heavily.

‘Idiot. Did you conveniently ignore every single warning I gave you?’ His gaze turned towards the glitch who remained curled loosely around Geer’s neck and hissed, anger causing his voice to fluctuate between two different registers. ‘Why do I even bother? You won’t listen anyway to a word I say. And you, parasite, I’d get lost if you wish to remain in any visible state. Let me catch you anywhere near him again and...’

“Nether, I...”

The fallen spirit barely acknowledged him as Geer’s attempt at speaking dissolved into a coughing fit, focus instead intently resting on the still unmoving intruder. ‘One moment... Perhaps I was not clear, pest. Your presence is not wanted. Get lost!’

The glitch finally took the hint and vanished in a burst of green sparks, leaving the kitchen noticeably quieter than before and also missing one piece of paper. Geer, however, was still desperate to speak and explain himself.

“Let me talk...” His breath hitched, stumbling forward until he was almost touching the ethereal. “I think I... Um, would it be possible to give me a few days? I’d need to say goodbye to Melvise and...”

‘I wouldn’t worry about her.’ The emotionless remark bothered Geer, head tilting to the side in confusion as he started to scratch at the mark but thought better of it. ‘Now that the glitch knows she’s important to you and the other dragoness as well... Although I suspect we led it straight to that discovery.’ Nether huffed, twisting around the silent drake. ‘Enemies will come after you now once they know we are familiar with each other. I will grant your request but do remember this delay only makes it more likely someone will find out...’

“Thank you,” Geer breathed, flinching slightly as the spirit faded away to leave the kitchen empty.

‘Nein, mine Chosen. The battle has only begun.’

The knock on her front door startled the slumbering dragoness who stumbled to her feet and forced herself to answer the frantic pounding. It must be urgent to wake her in the middle of the night.

“Alright! Shut up, I’m coming. Sheesh, don’t they know it’s the dead of night.”

Grabbing the door handle, she jerked it open towards her to see a small little patchwork wyvern who squeaked excitedly at the sight of her. Rolling her topaz eyes in annoyance, she noticed the envelope hanging in its tiny, glitching claws.

“Got a letter for me?” She asked, still holding the door handle with one paw while the other lay flat against the wall beside her, balancing on her back legs and tail.

The stunted messenger chirped in agreement, flapping closer to her to release the white package. Catching it with a quick swipe of the paw that had formerly been against the wall, she thanked the tiny beast with a curt nod before shutting the door in its face and returning to her bedroom.

It was the middle of the night and yet someone cared not for her sleep schedule apparently. Lighting a lamp beside her bed with a huff of smoky black energy, she read over the writing on the envelop first - not recognizing the slightly slanted clawscript which had written her name. How odd.

Opening it and pulling out the letter within, her eyes scanned over the near identical wording inside. Geer hadn’t written her back after she sent him what could only be described as a drunken rant as she spilled her emotions out over the page. How could she open herself up to him after what had happened in her last relationship? She barely got away from that drake with her life intact! Running away from all she’d known to save herself from certain death. It wouldn’t be right to drag such a sweet, naive soul into that mayhem. She fervently hoped he had understood and hadn’t taken her words at face value...

Narssia,

It has been some time since we spoke last and I apologize severely for the silence. I know this is sudden but would you like to meet up during the upcoming dry season? Surely work won’t be killing you then I hope.

I look forward to your reply,

Geer 

She frowned, opening the drawer on her nightstand and pulling out another letter he had sent not long after they first started talking about four months ago. The dry season was about three months away if her sleep-deprived brain calculated correctly. Still had plenty of time to respond on whether she would like to meet or not. 

Smoothing out the slightly crumpled paper, her eyes widened as the difference in the script became clear. Whoever had written the one she just received was using an old style similar to that of the first few dragons. It was deliberately crafted, suggesting to her there was more meaning than just what her eyes saw.

Where she had been tired, and slightly irritate before receiving the note, now she was wide awake and practically buzzing with energy. Or was it the lamp that was humming? That was strange. She thought she fixed it weeks ago.

Sighing deeply, she reached out to disperse the magic... only to get shocked as a result. Stepping back, Narssia snorted in surprise, wondering if she had fallen asleep again given how odd her simple lantern was behaving. It wasn’t too odd for her to just pass out at night after staying up for hours fearing vivid nightmares of the past. She was lucky she could even handle her wildly fluctuating emotions sometimes with all the damage that monster did to her.

Even stranger was the fact that she had been sleeping rather well before the letter came. Of course she had to get enough rest to perform her job as a healer at the local clinic in her small mountainous town. Helping dragons get better brought her the biggest joy... one that was able to mask the terror that haunted her dreams.

‘Sleep...’

The word pressed upon her mind, drowsiness suddenly overwhelmingly strong. Could she at least make it back into bed first? She turned, only to collapse as the low buzz of static grew louder before it was joined by a glitchy, pixelated cloud which seemed to be the origin of the sound.

‘Promising...’ The distorted mist swirled around Narssia’s body, crackling green sparks hitting the she-dragon’s black scales. ‘Tempting even...’

Without another word it seeped into her body, causing the limp dragoness to jerk wildly. Smears of green streaked over her black scales, marking several locations along her forelegs and back before trailing up her neck where a rippling diagonal slash was formed across her throat. She continued to trash around for several more seconds before falling still, the dead of the night once again consuming all within its wake.

The glitch had made its decision... and it only had the idiotic flightless one to thank. Things would be fun now since it had a chance to ruin two lives instead of just one.

A choice has been made, now she must pay...

The glitch is here, there’s nothing to fear... except the darkest corners of a mind burdened by repressed guilt and shame 

[martaonthemove]

#153 The Art of Communication and Vulnerability: Offering and Accepting Help During a Time of Loss.

I have been off grid for a bit. I truly haven't felt like writing or podcasting in weeks. My sister passed away from cancer in early April. She fought harder than I have seen anyone fight in my life. I miss her. I see her everywhere. she visits in various ways, it isn't enough and won't ever be. Life is just different now.

There is a giant hole in my heart that cannot be filled. The reason I am back here writing, and talking is because I remember the day I told her I was thinking about starting Marta on the Move. It didn't even have a name yet.

Her words were "Buckle your seat belt, because this is something you were meant to do, something that you won't quit, something that will help others." That is all she ever wanted to do as well. Nina just wanted to help others.

I have thought about quitting often these past eight months, more so the past two. I have felt hopeless, lost, lonely. Words were, and still are impossible to describe feelings of despair. Everything that comes with the grief of losing your best friend, your biggest supporter, the person you always ran to, and was there for you without judgement. It's a rare thing, and makes you realize what you had and lost.

Falling into despair is easy, crawling your way out is hard, but I just keep telling myself that she is here, watching me, urging me on. That I want to make her proud of me, which has always been my motivation. She would be pissed as hell if I quit, or let myself spiral. I can hear her in my head. "Get up, get moving, do what is hard."

The fact that one of my sayings is "Keep it moving, everybody" is funny to me now. I tell myself that everyday to get out of bed, take a shower, take care of myself as best I can. It resonates differently than it did before all of this.

It is impossible for me to write everything down that is going through my brain, but I needed to try. There has been a subject that has swam in my head since her passing. The word "Help" has been in my minds eye constantly. I will say that in the past couple of weeks I have received help, and support that I couldn't believe possible. I am humbled and eternally grateful, but there was a flip side to that as well.

The dictionary states "help" as-

"verb (used with object)

to give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need; contribute strength or means to; render assistance to; cooperate effectively with; aid; assist: He planned to help me with my work. Let me help you with those packages.

to save; rescue; succor: Help me, I'm falling!

to make easier or less difficult; contribute to; facilitate: The exercise of restraint is certain to help the achievement of peace."

These past weeks I have had SO many people ask me if I needed help. While I was thankful, I was overwhelmed at the same time. I didn't know HOW to let people help me. I didn't know how to articulate exactly how they might help, I also did NOT want to burden anyone, AND I didn't want to seem like I needed help. Loss of control is a big trigger for me that I am working on.

This is what this episode is about because I think it is important. There is a GREAT chasm in terms of communication about this subject. It makes people uncomfortable to ask for help, to reach out in a time of need for it. We just don't know how. We want to help our friends and loved ones when they need it. It makes us feel better to do so, but not knowing HOW makes us feel helpLESS. We don't know how to do it properly because the other person isn't articulating what they NEED.

In this episode I will try and offer my feelings on -

How to let people help you.

How to give or offer help in a way that ACTUALLY helps that person.

Why you should accept help from others.

How to communicate better in ways of giving help.

How accepting help from others, helps them in return.

I will also offer up clear ideas on how to specifically offer help to grieving loved ones. I am in no way shape, or form an expert at this. This is just my experience talking, and others like me. I have received so much feedback from friends on Facebook, and coping with grief groups. For that I thank you tremendously and I will try and do right by all of you. :)

I am determined to tackle this subject, and while I know it will turn off some, or be sensitive to others, I feel it is very important moving forward in this world. Personally, I feel it will help me as well peek at some shadows in my closet I have been avoiding.

We are all suffering from grief and loss. Loss over the way we used to live, loss of a loved one, a job, a dream. We NEED to start communicating, rebuilding our relationships in a way that helps each other, and lifts one another up.

I refuse to live in a world without Nina that isn't trying to be better. We have one life, one shot, and that is so much more acute without her here. You wouldn't meet a better soul than her. I remember her saying when she got sick. "Please, God. If I can help someone else, that is all I ask."

This podcast moving forward will be in honor of "Neen". Because she did help someone, me. In her own amazing way of being her, she has sent me in a direction that is a tad more clear. To help others. Just typing this out is making me feel better, more motivated, giving me life... even if I am crying doing it.

That is why I won't give up MOTM, my crazy ideas, or my uncertain dreams. I am trying to sit in the messy phase of this and rediscover what fills my cup. I want to help people, just like she wanted to. We were going to write a book together, Neen. To help those who going through cancer, and also the support people along side them. So we shall. I promise.

I ask you who are reading this, if you just stumbled upon this journey, or have been in my jitney since it's inception: Be gentle. I am raw, but trying to heal. It is an ongoing process. It is my wish that if you are like me right now, you find some peace, some rays of sunshine, hope, and the support you need.

I also kindly ask that you take a moment to give help to someone who may need it, to reach out, AND that you will ask for it when YOU need it. Maybe this episode will allow you to do so, like it did me. We are ALL in this together.

I love you, sis.

~Your Foos.

PS~ Thank you to those who helped me work out the title of this episode, I could not for the life of me get it right. This is a blend of what other's suggested.

I HAVE NEW SPONSORS! YAY! I have been searching for a WHILE to find the right fit for a collaboration opportunity to be able to support some local businesses, and also help keep the lights on over at MOTM. I finally found them, and like most things in life, they came naturally just looking at products I use everyday. You can take 10% at either of these companies with code "Marta"

My partnership between Marta on the Move and Body Work 412 and Yang Yin Health- has me giddy. Why did I choose them? or did they choose me... hmmm. Here is why-

Matcha from Yang Yin Health

Yang Yin Health- I love matcha and this is some of the best that I have found. If you have been listening to my show long enough you know that I don't drink coffee anymore. The caffeine gave me jitters, and was messing with my sleep and mood. Enter matcha! Pumped full of antioxidants, this ancient green tea actually regulates caffeine on a time release but also adds in a component called the Not all matcha are created equal! Beware some coffee shops using matcha, they have sweetener added in and a bunch of other crap to make it super green. I have tried matcha in every state I stay in, and have only found a handful of coffee companies that use quality matcha that is unsweetened. (Stay away from Starbucks matcha) The best way is to make it at home, use it in baking as well! This company is Pittsburgh based and sources their matcha directly to ensure that you are getting the best quality available. A little goes a long way. Listeners take 10% off their products with code "Marta"

Body Work 412- Know all those major essential oil companies out there? There are A LOT. I have seen so many people push essential oils, and I always kinda laughed at it. Here I am partnering with one! Years ago I receive a massage and reiki treatment from a gentleman named Cullen Magg from 412 Body Work. I studied reiki myself under him, and found out he creates and sources all his products direct from the source. Balms, creams, oils, room sprays and more. I loved each and every one of his products and began realizing that not all essential oils are created equally. You could go through an entire bottle of lavender or frankenscence oil SO FAST and the smell just disappates with other companies. Not with these, they last FOREVER. I have had my oil bottles for years and I use them on rotation every day. Try them and you won't believe the quality. There is not comparison with the other brands. There just isn't. Listeners take 10% off with code "Marta"

Check out this podcast episode!

[spotted-demonp0n3]

To give some backstory, my family's farm is located in the deep south in the midst of rural farm land and pine forest. My grandfather bought the land nearly 50 years ago super cheap and honestly we have had strange things happen. I grew up there and am just use to most of it, not that anything truly note worthy has happened but that's another day. This actually happened the other day, I'm visiting and after all the icey weather has cleared I really want to go camping. About an hours ride from the farm is an abandoned (for at least 30 years) cabin I use when the weather is cold. I tack up Snow, my buckskin Appaloosa mare, and distribute some of the supplies between her and my SD, Yakone (Snow only gets ridden during my visits every few months, so an hour ride with supplies may not be over taxing, she's still gonna be tired). The ride is down a dirt road then through pine forest, and really isn't eventful. Snow has been here quite a few times and Yakone has only been here one other time (I also want to note that Yakone is a Husky mix, nothing about this is going to tire her out). Now I love the pine forests, this is my childhood, and on this day the forest is absolutely alive. We see rabbits, hawks, doves, even a couple of quail and deer tracks. When we finally arrive at the old cabin I'm pretty sure I was the last inhabitant as my old skillet is still hanging in the window, however instead of dismounting and prepping for camp, I decided we should all explore a bit more. Snow still feels great, very much unwinded, and it's still early in the afternoon with hours of daylight left, and with that I push us toward the creek at the bottom of the hill behind the cabin. Now let me talk about the creek for a minute. Unofficially its known as Panther's Creek and all my childhood I was told to stay away from the creek, mostly because of the mud. See, in this part of the south, we have swamps that sorta pop outta nowhere and deep mud that still kills a few kids every year. That being said, I'm no longer a kid. I'm a grown ass adult, married with a degree, a career and everything. We get to the creek and I let Snow and Yakone drink their fill before deciding to cross it. There is no incident crossing, which is kinda surprising because Snow is not a fan of water, but I don't think much on it. We travel further into the forest, and just before I decide to turn back to the cabin, I see it. It's a tiny cabin, older with a kind of shelter attached to the side, like a garage. The front door is shut, but the front window is open. I immediately fall in love with it. It's a little further away from society, it's smaller, and there is a shelter attached to it perfect for my horse to use as a makeshift stall. After dismounting I check for signs of people and wildlife. Being so close to a water source I expect to see some signs but nothing. Definitely no signs of people, and hardly any signs of animals, I don't even see any rodent droppings in the corners of the cabin (which the door was unlocked). With the area determined to safe I untacked Snow and got her comfortable in her makeshift stall, giving her the hay we had brought and water from the creek. Next I prepared to the inside with my bed roll and gear before going back out to start the fire and supper. Again, all was pretty uneventful. We ate and drank out supper around the fire and enjoyed the sounds of the forest, and away from people. However, just as the sun was setting, dark clouds had gathered overhead and rain had started so Yakone and I headed inside where it was dry (only a few leaks). Again I checked on Snow, this time through a convenient window that peered into her stall, saw she safe and cozy, and decided to curl up with my dog and let the rain lull us to sleep. This was the most perfect picture camping trip I could have experienced. However, an unknown time later, I was awoken. The rain had stopped outside, but my dog, Yakone, was quietly whining next me, her eyes fixed on the door. Now, again something about my SD is that she is very quite despite being a Husky mix. Yakone very rarely ever makes a sound unless absolutely necessary. My heart is pounding and my mind is racing at all the possible threats. Slowly and quietly I grab my flashlight and pistol (.45 ACP, never leave home without it) and slowly crawl to the window looking into Snow's stall. Just barely I can make out the figure of my mare in the darkness, her body is rigid and all of her attention is forward, toward the creek. Again I duck down and make my way slowly now toward the front window, hoping it's only a coyote or raccoon causing my animals to worry. Slowly peering over the window I only see the blackness of the woods, my heart is still pounding and I'm almost too afraid to open the door- but as I strain to hear anything that might divulge the reason to my animals' behavior, I hear it and my heart almost stops. Laughter. Giggling. At first it's real faint, I can barely hear it, but it slowly grows ever so closer. The more I listen, the more it sounds like a small group of children, no. Boys. I am the oldest of five kids with most of us being boys and I've had my share of overseeing troop meetings and hangouts, and I would bet my last dollar that what I heard was a group of young boys giggling. But I don't hear movement. As I hear the giggles get ever so closer, there is no sound of twigs snapping, pine needles rustling, or limbs being pushed aside. This side of the creek is heavily forested, and thankfully Snow is not a very large horse else we would probably not have been able to navigate through. However right now there was no sound coming. Only the giggling. As I peered through the window, I could feel my own eyes wide with terror, I could just make out pairs of fireflies drifting at the edge of the woods, right before entering my little campground. This is January. Fireflies don't come out this time of year. I watch the not fireflies and note another oddness to them, they are all paired up. I watch them for several more seconds before another terrifieing realization, I'm not seeing fireflies. I'm seeing pairs of eyes. Tiny, beady, pairs hovering and floating along the tree line, with the tiniest giggles fluttering into my hears. I hear both Yakone and Snow move around nervously, with Yakone still making the smallest whines. I look down to the pistol in my hand and back to the dozen or so pairs of giggling eyes staring back to the cabin. I feel frozen and trapped. What can I do? Shot at the invisible, laughing boys? Jump on my horse and ride back? And even if I did decide to go full horse whisperer and jump on my horse with no saddle and no bridle, which way would I go? Do I rush through them? Whatever they are, and risk an hour ride in pitch darkness, or do I try to escape in the other direction. Hell, I'm not sure what all is that way. Most likely swamp. So I'm trapped, in a cabin no knows is here, I think to myself. I can feel the panic sinking in and my hands begin to loose feeling. Yakone, despite her own fear, comes up to me and begins licking my face and placing her paws on my chest (the things she is supposed to do during my episodes). As my brave SD is taking care of me, I see the gentle flash of her St. Francis of Asisi medalion on her collar, the patron saint of animals. I'm not Catholic, hell I'm even very religious, but I do have a small collection of Catholic saint medalions: Mary, St Christpher, St. George, and another St. Francis of Asisi. I started carrying them on trail rides at first because I saw no harm in possible spiritual protection, but now I needed those trinkets desperately. Once again I quietly crawled across the cabin floor and quickly looked through my saddle bag until I found the rosary with collection of saints added around the wooden cross at the end. The metal medalions made slight jingle as I picked them up, and again I thought my heart would stop in fear. However, as soon as jingling began, the giggling stopped. My ears strained to hear the tiniest noise as a desperately clung to the rosary, the beads digging into my palms. Before I could I let myself relax a new sound replaced the giggles: whispers. Soft, almost quite enough to go unnoticed. I tried to make out what they- again, whatever they were- could possible be whispering about. I tried to remember any prayers, Catholic or not, meant for protection or anything. But I could not think of any. This being said, I may not familiar with Catholicism, and I may not be very religious, but I have studied the shit outta the paranormal. My first question really, was to determine if this was paranormal, or not. Even if it was a group of boys out there I couldn't go blindly shooting into the darkness. I had very little evidence of either, truly. But at an unknown hour, with who knows how long till sunrise, I couldn't stay huddled in this cabin, cowarding all night. Finally, I stood up. Rosary in one hand, pistol in the other, and my 65 lb dog right behind I prayed to whoever would hear me and walked across the cabin and opened the door. The whispering stopped, the dozen or so pairs of drifting not-fireflies continued to blink at me from the pines. I thought I was going to die from hear failure my heart was beating so hard and so fast, my fingers had lost all feeling and my vision was beginning to swim around the edges. But I held firm, as much as I could. My stomach had turned to ice and for moment I feared I'd be sick in front of the giggling firefly boys. But I held that image in my mind, a group of young mischievous boys, just like my brothers, trying to scare me. With that new image I gave the woods my best "Big sister says eat shit and die" look that I could muster. I stood out there, in the cold January woods, glaring and praying. Finally, after what felt like hours, the not-fireflies slowly began to dissappear one pair at a time. But even after the last ones were gone I waited, scanning the woods for any sign of the tiny, yellow dots. Yakone pawed at my leg, again another sign for her take care of me, and I looked down at her. She gave a wide, doggy grin and wagged her tail. I looked in on Snow to find she was now munching on the very last of her hay. In far distance I could an owl, hooting in the night and crickets chirping. Yakone and I returned inside, I was suddenly exhausted. My eyelids almost too heavy to keep open. I set my pistol beside me and lay down on my bedroll, Yakone laying her head on my chest. I tried to listen for any signs of the giggling returning, but only the forest could be heard, and soon sleep overtook me. Honestly, I was surprised at how easily I fall asleep, but at least the rest of it went by smoothly. As soon as I was awake at daybreak that morning I decided to forgo breakfast, apologized to Snow and Yakone and promised them extra portions upon our safe return. Neither seemed to protest and we quickly booked it back to the farm. Honestly, as of right now, with this having just happened I don't know what to think, or how to feel. Was it all a dream? Hallucination? My imagination or was someone, or something really out there? I'm almost to afraid to search for any answers right now. I'm just my animals are safe.