#listen I still find dan incredibly obnoxious
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boyapologist · 1 year ago
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also what are the odds of someone putting dnp on my dash just now that I'm considering watching their stuff again....
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zalrb · 4 years ago
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Why do you think it’s more common to hate characters like dean, Ted, Ross, and Dawson, Dan rather than Jess, Barney, Damon, chuck? Like people will claim the latter are toxic “nice guys” and twist them into the worst characters ever. And fair enough I see they are annoying but then why Stan characters that are as abusive and horrible as chuck and Damon? I don’t get it. That’s why I appreciate ppl like you that see the flaws in all these characters in a more thoughtful way!
It’s a few reasons.
For something like Dean vs. Jess, I think there’s a willful misinterpretation of the text (like everyone mentions him yelling that he doesn’t care about Harvard but not about the fact that by the end of the episode he apologizes and says he was an idiot for being jealous of Harvard and doesn’t want to be someone who stops her from going) and a double standard -- like it’s OK for Rory to be stringing him along and flirting with another guy right in front of his face and not being brave enough to break up with him but Dean breaks up with her in public because he’s tired of it and that’s inexcusable; Dean is super jealous of Rory and Jess and that’s seen as a fault but not the fact that Rory is growing distant from Dean but won’t break up with him.
But I also think Jess is individually a more compelling character because he was built to be a character unto himself, Dean was built to be Rory’s first boyfriend so Jess has more personality, I mean I think he’s a little shit, but he is textually more dynamic than Dean, he just is, and people respond to that more.
With Chuck vs. Dan, lmao, one of these days I’m going to rewatch Gossip Girl and post my unpopular opinions about it because apparently Derena is abusive but somehow Chair isn’t even considered toxic but anyway, one criticism I’ve read is that Chuck knows that he can be a shitty person but Dan pretends that he’s morally superior when he really isn’t and barring the fact that I think it’s funny that knowing you’re a shitty person and doing nothing to change that is considered more acceptable, Dan being judgemental is actually supposed to be a character flaw, which I wonder if people realize, like it’s in the text,
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Dan having a sense of superiority is also supposed to be a blind spot
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People also use Chuck’s upbringing to excuse his behaviour (he grew up wealthy but unloved) whereas Dan grew up in a supportive household so he has no reason to do morally dubious things (I mean, I guess). And I didn’t really watch the latter seasons so Dan’s descent into being a total dick isn’t something I’ve seen but I’ve also heard the criticism that Chuck gets a redemptive arc while Dan goes through a descent and it ends with him being Gossip Girl so he’s just a ruined character.
I also think a part of it is people just want to enjoy the fun and the crazy antics of the Non-Judging Breakfast Club (who do judge each other constantly, which is hilarious, Dan is not the only judgemental person in the show) and Dan is kind of a wet blanket making commentary on how ridiculous they all are so people find him annoying. It’s the same with Vanessa.
Dawson is insufferable, like he actually just is, and he’s framed as not being insufferable so I can see why that annoys people and Pacey is an infinitely more likeable character than he is. I don’t mind him being self-involved much in the first few seasons because I think it’s very adolescent, but what I will say when it comes to the triangle, when I think of the criticisms I’ve seen about how he views Joey, I realize that people don’t take into account that Joey acted the exact same way with Jen, like there’s all this rhetoric around how Dawson saw Joey as his
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and he did but Joey also saw Dawson as hers
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but Dawson’s Creek pre-season 3 doesn’t exist to people.
I already have posts about Damon, I won’t get into that.
Before I get into Ted, I will say that in general, I found HIMYM incredibly sexist, racist, and generally unfunny, which is why I didn’t watch it for the longest time.
So as someone who does not like Ted and could not stand Ted, it’s pretty much the same reason people hate Dawson, in fact I said Dawson was Ted Mosby before Ted Mosby. For me, anyway, I just didn’t care to listen to a man drone on about how he tried to find the one through his exploits where he’s framed as idealistic and romantic but he’s actually just sexist, like it was obnoxious and Ted was obnoxious but you’re supposed to root for him and I was like, why tho?
Neil Patrick Harris as Barney is just a more charismatic character and he’s given quips and sayings (I remember my guy friends in university ‘suited up’ because of him) and humour is powerful because it makes certain things that are deplorable more palatable and a “oh that’s just how he is” and I also think his relationship with Robin helped because it was compelling relationship, I mean it was literally the only thing about the show I liked.
The Friends thing is just ... it’s probably because Ross and Rachel were framed as, like, THE romantic pairing of the show and people are harder on him because of that although Rachel’s toxic behaviour and complicity in that relationship is never spoken about but I also think it’s because of the conscious and unconscious desire to defend/protect/victimize white women because Rachel did some shit too. People also conveniently forget that many of Ross’ shitty decisions in that relationship were influenced by Joey and Chandler, I don’t know the Friends one still has me like
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thedollarcrate · 5 years ago
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50 Best Albums (That I Own on Vinyl) of the Decade
It’s hard to comprehend how much transpires over the course of a decade or wrap your head around how long (or short) of time that really is.
But what better way to try than to make a list!
Now, I know “Best of” lists like this one are inherently subjective – and probably say more about their maker’s preferences than actually reflecting the best music released in a particular time period. And, I’ll be the first to admit that the list below is incredibly limited, and that I need to widen my exposure to more artists and genres.
But hey, this is all in fun.
So feel free to debate, pick apart or share your own favorite albums from the past decade. But before you dive in, just a few quick points for context:
-I only ranked albums I actually own on vinyl released between 2010 and 2019, which limited my choices to about 170 records.
-I only ranked new music released this past decade, so no reissues or older material released for the first time (sorry Prince’s Piano & A Microphone and Originals).
-I first started buying vinyl around ’09-’10 and started off purchasing mostly new releases before my habits shifted and I started looking for older records. This shows in the list below – nearly a quarter of the albums below were released in 2010 and almost 70% from the first half of the decade.
And we’re off…
50. Centipede Hz, Animal Collective (2012)
Let’s be honest, it was impossible for Animal Collective to top a universally acclaimed and era-defining album – and it was unfair to expect them to. But maybe the continuous onslaught of bizarre and eclectic music found on Centipede Hz was just what we needed after all.
49. Singles, Future Islands (2014)
So much more than Sam Herring’s pelvis busting dance moves and “Seasons (Waiting On You),” every track on Singlesbursts with life and heart pumping  energy. To quote Letterman: I’ll take all of that you got.
48. Paul’s Tomb: A Triumph, Frog Eyes (2010)
I don’t think I’ll ever understand Carey Mercer’s lyrics, but I’m certain I’ll never tire of getting lost in his hidden words and knotty melodies.
47. Leaving Atlanta, Gentleman Jesse (2012)
Thirty seven minutes of Pure Power Pop Perfection (note the capital “Ps”).
46. Burst Apart, The Antlers (2011)
If there’s another album with a song titled “Putting the Dog to Sleep” that is as haunting and beautiful as this one, I don’t want to know about it.
45. Carrion Crawler/The Dream, Thee Oh Sees (2011)
With John Dwyer churning out record after record in the ‘10s, it should come as no surprise that at least one landed on this list (and they’re all great). Garage rock. Surf rock. Post-punk rock. Psych rock. Noise rock. Rock rock. I don’t care what you call it, Thee Oh Sees put the pedal to the metal on Carrion Crawler/The Dream, taking you for a wild ride that never lets up.
44. 1989, Taylor Swift (2014)
Irresistibly catchy, everyone needs to satisfy their pop sweet tooth every now and then. 1989 is so sugary, it might just give you a cavity or two.
43. City Music, Kevin Morby (2017)
The city. The countryside. A beach. Aboard a train. At the pearly gates. It doesn’t matter where you listen to City Music because Kevin Morby’s jams will immediately transport you to your own laid back, happy place.
42. Remind Me Tomorrow, Sharon Van Etten (2019)
You’ll regret it if you keep waiting to listen this powerhouse – and powerful – synth-soaked record.
41. You Want It Darker, Leonard Cohen (2016)
It doesn’t get much darker, bleaker or sparse than this, but I wouldn’t want it any other way from the masterful Leonard Cohen.
40. American Dream, LCD Soundsystem (2017)
Retirement never sounded so good.
39. Capacity, Big Thief (2017)
Quietly captivating, mesmerizing and elegant, Big Thief knock you out without you even realizing it.
38. St. Vincent, St. Vincent (2014)
Annie Clark’s shapeshifting album won’t only shred your face off, it somehow makes you feel smarter, too.
37. Before Today, Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti (2010)
So, so weird and so, so good.
36. Expo 86, Wolf Parade (2010)
Like #50, Wolf Parade might always live in the shadow and expectations of a towering classic, yet somehow Spencer Krug and Dan Boeckner still continually craft eccentric and bombastic rock albums. Expo 86 is no exception, and it is an underrated classic in its own right.
35. Golden Hour, Kacey Musgraves (2018)
Like a sunset or sunrise, Golden Hour radiates beauty and warmth with each of its glowing tracks.
34. Yuck, Yuck (2011)
Despite their name and its hideous album cover, there’s nothing gross about Yuck’s infectious indie rock.
33. Play It Strange, The Fresh & Onlys (2010)
I once saw The Fresh & Onlys play at a tiny club in D.C. It might’ve been the loudest show I’ve ever been to – my ears rang for days. This record is just as rollicking, hazy and good as that show was loud.
32. Natalie Prass, Natalie Prass (2015)
There’s a reason “Welcome to 1979” is stamped in tiny letters on this vinyl’s inner ring – it’s silky smooth, filled with impeccable soft ballads and finely tuned jams – and just a tinge of funk.
31. I Am Easy To Find, The National (2019)
Few bands matched the consistent output of quality albums in the ‘10s as The National. They had one heck of a run, and I Am Easy To Find was a fascinating way to end it – a 21st rock album that felt more complex and expansive than anything they’d done before.
30. Melodrama, Lorde (2018)
Everything a pop record should be and then some – bold, breathtaking and exuberant.
29. Just Enough Hip To Be Woman, Broncho (2014)
If you can’t tell from its playful title, this pop rock album wants nothing more than to have fun – and it succeeds on every level.
28. Avi Buffalo, Avi Buffalo (2010)
Sometimes all you want is a light, sunny and meandering album to wash over you and get lost in, and this one will do the trick every time.
27. Hippies, Harlem (2010)
Imagine a band practicing inside a garage inside a garage inside another garage and you’ve got Harlem. This is garage rock to the max – and at its rambunctious best.
26. Puberty 2, Mitski (2016)
It’s hard to describe Puberty 2. Sure, it might sound like simple dreamy indie rock, but it ebbs and flows in unexpected ways that leaves you guessing where it’s heading next.
25. mbv, My Bloody Valentine (2013)
Picking up right where they left off – even if it was more than a decade later – My Bloody Valentine reminded everyone why they are the masters of reverb soaked shoegaze.
24. A Moon Shaped Pool, Radiohead (2016)
Even after all these years and albums, Radiohead still found a way to reinvent themselves and push the boundaries of rock music – and our expectations of them. With gorgeous arrangements and slow-burning, tension filled tracks, AMSP proves that even Radiohead can still take risks – and proves rock bands can make quiet, intimate songs sound epic. Oh yeah, and it has “True Love Waits.”
23. Art Angels, Grimes (2015)
Grimes gave us the future of pop music before most could even envision it. This laid the groundwork for all the challenging and intricate – and danceable – pop music that would follow. And it still sounds ahead of its time.
22. Meet Me At The Muster Station, PS I Love You (2010)
The first sounds out of Paul Saulnier’s mouth on Meet Me At The Munster Station aren’t words at all but two short, ecstatic yelps. And this same boundless energy and passion bleeds through on every fuzzy, raucous second of every track. Did I mention there’s a song called “Butterflies & Boners”?
21. More Than Any Other Day, Ought (2014)
You really ought to listen to Ought if you aren’t already. Tim Darcy and co. sound a bit uneasy, paranoid and self-aware, but they make the most minute challenges sound so exhilarating and life-altering – even the struggle deciding between two percent and whole milk at the grocery store.
20. Lemonade, Beyoncé (2017)
All hail Queen Bey.
19. Twin-Hand Movement, Lower Dens (2010)
This album sounds like 2 am on a dark, rainy Saturday night – in the best way imaginable.
18. Tomboy, Panda Bear (2011)
You can always count on Panda Bear to make hypnotic, loopy electronic music sound so breezy and effortless.
17. Modern Vampires Of The City, Vampire Weekend (2013)
I don’t know why, but I want to dislike Vampire Weekend so much. But that’s impossible when their music is so damn good and every note sounds so neat and perfect.
16. Past Life Martyred Saints, EMA (2011)
Just do yourself and listen to this album please.
15. The Archandroid, Janelle Monáe (2010)
Blending too many genres to count, this is what I imagine music sounds like in space.
14. Carrie & Lowell, Sufjan Stevens (2015)
I’ll let you know how I feel about this one after I stop crying.
13. The Suburbs, Arcade Fire (2010)
It’s everything you either love or hate about Arcade Fire. Grand, sincere and sweeping rock that swings for the fences with every guitar chord, drumbeat and horn blast. I love it.
12. Silence Yourself, Savages (2013)
Savages grab you by the throat and never let go – this is one intense album.
11. Helplessness Blues, Fleet Foxes (2011)
This might be the epitome of ‘10s indie rock – and for good reason. Introspective, sensitive and searching for some greater meaning, Robin Pecknold holds nothing back and lays it all out on Helplessness Blues.
10. Kaputt, Destroyer (2011)
Dan Bejar is an enigma and seemingly reluctant rock star. I saw him perform an acoustic set where he spent a majority of the time playing with his back towards the audience (although in fairness, it was at a free outdoor show on a college campus with people mostly chatting obnoxiously over him), and yet it’s as if his creativity requires him to constantly release new albums and show them off. Kaputt is as equally strange and mysterious – and just as creative – as its maker.
9. Black Star, David Bowie (2016)
Take away the heartbreaking circumstances surrounding this album’s release and it would still be in the top tier of David Bowie’s extensive catalogue. Experimenting until the very end, Bowie morphed into something entirely new one last time. Part jazz, part rock and part I’m not sure what you would call it, the results were once again out of this world. He couldn’t give it all away, but we’re sure thankful for what he could.
8. Bon Iver, Bon Iver (2011)
Shedding the cabin in the woods vibe, Justin Vernon took a giant leap forward with Bon Iver and made ‘80s soft rock popular.
7. Celebration Rock, Japandroids (2012)
Perhaps the most aptly named album on this list, no other album exudes the joy of making music and rocking out with your buddy than this one. It’s hard to believe all that noise and energy comes from just two people.
6. Burn Your Fire For No Witness, Angel Olsen (2014)
Angel Olsen’s hypnotic and seductive vocals, lyrics and guitar suck you in immediately, mesmerizing you from the first gentle strums to the peaks and valleys of “Lights Out” and “Stars” all the way to the closer’s pulsing drumbeats and majestic piano.
5. Black Messiah, D'Angelo And The Vanguard (2015)
Oozing with cool, sexy and confident R&B funk, D’Angelo returned after 14 years with an instant soul masterpiece.
4. The Monitor, Titus Andronicus (2010)
It says a lot when a band can a.) make an hour plus punk rock record b.) loosely base it on the Civil War c.) quote Abraham Lincoln d.) close it out with a 14 minute track inspired by a famous naval battle and e.) still make you want to listen to it over and over and over again.
3. Lost In The Dream, The War On Drugs (2014)
The rare album that can feel vast and ambitious and yet deeply private and personal all at once. You really will get lost in these soaring songs.
2. Halcyon Digest, Deerhunter (2010)
At times perfectly melodic and structured and at others feeling on the brink of falling apart, Halcyon Digest is a paradox – sounding peaceful, bright and idyllic while also peering over the edge into something darker. This is a remarkable record from a remarkable band. If not for the abrupt end to the darkly beautiful closer “He Would Have Laughed,” Halcyon Digest sounds like it could go on forever.
1. Let England Shake, PJ Harvey (2011)
A stunning, thought-provoking, and moving – not to mention endlessly listenable – transcendent piece of art about life and the Great War. PJ Harvey doesn’t hold back on the brutality and absurdity of armed conflict, and the album’s devastating closing track – “The Colour of the Earth” – will linger in your mind long after the record stops spinning. As powerful today as it was eight years ago, this album will remain timely and important for years – and decades – to come.
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quantumquinn · 5 years ago
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Vinyl and Vibes: Perfect Album Edition
Yes indeed, it is that time again, time for me to spread my musical opinions to the wind for no one to listen! But this time, there’s a twist! I’m going to do more of a retrospective, where I list off what I think are perfect albums.
Perfect albums are much harder to come by than just good jamz or singles, and imo give a much more satisfying listening experience. Of course, there’s a lot of music I love out there, so this page could go on forever if I let it (instead of just ‘probably too long of a post’). To keep things interesting I’m going to divide my albums into three sections, high school, undergrad, and grad school, based on when I discovered the music. To keep me honest, I’m only going to allow 4 albums in each timeframe. After some experimentation, 4 albums seems to be enough to get good picks out there, while still forcing me to make tough calls. 
I’ve tried to pick albums that I keep coming back to. There will be some obvious choices, some controversial ones, and some that nobody else has heard of. I’m sure there will be plenty of quibbling about my choices (no Mark, obviously no Dan Deacon), but what’s the fun of this without a little provocation anyway? 
So let’s get started!
High School
1) American Idiot -- Green Day
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I mean this one’s a gimme. And, disturbingly, somehow more relevant than ever. But let’s be real, this is Green Day at their perfect balance between pretentious, obnoxious, and angsty and it’s great.
Favorite Song: Whatsername 
2) The Black Parade -- My Chemical Romance 
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As if this wasn’t gonna be on here?
Favorite Song: Mama  
3) Chase this Light -- Jimmy Eat World
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This one is probably more controversial, but goddamn I love this album. Jimmy Eat World is generally not a happy band, but in this album they figure out the trick of writing songs with sad lyrics with melodies that sound happy and I love it love it love it. 
Favorite Song: Here It Goes
4) The Everglow -- Mae
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This album defines high school feelings for me. My iPod (you know back when you had one) said I listened to it ~400 times. And that seems about right. Every song on this album is good, but the experience as a whole transcends the parts. It as an album that pulls together as an hour long experience far better than anything else I know.
Favorite Song - The Everglow
Honorable Mentions: Commit this to Memory -- Motion City Soundtrack, Hello Hurricane -- Switchfoot, Artwork -- The Used, This is an Outrage -- Capital Lights
Aright, Undergrad, let’s go!
1) Would it Kill You? -- Hellogoodbye
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This album has the perfect sense of fun and loving life that really sets my favorite music apart. Just hearing the first notes makes me want to dance forty minutes away.
Favorite Song: When We First Met
2) Jukebox the Ghost -- Jukebox the Ghost
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Anyone who’s talked to me about music over the past few years knew that Jukebox was going to make onto this list. Jukebox’s songs have the perfect match of a jazzy piano with pop sensibilities and a little bit of rock to make me love them all. Every song on this album is iconic. 
Favorite Song: Postcard
3) When I Was Younger -- Colony House
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To be fair, this should really only qualify for the perfect first half of an album. But what a perfect first half! Every song is filled with musings on growing up that are unpretentious enough to be interesting and melodies catchy enough that they become hard to forget. I find myself coming back to this album over and over again, far more than I would have expected when I initially came across it. 
Favorite Song: Caught Me by Surprise
4) The Colourist -- The Colourist
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Man, the colourist only put out one full length album, but goddamn it slaps! I still listen to this puppy all the time. It actually brings up one of my biggest regrets about grad school: I bought tickets to go see the Colourist perform all these songs live, but missed my opportunity since that later turned out to be the visit weekend for Penn State. In the end, it was probably worth missing the concert. But only probably! They’re that good!
Favorite Song: What Can I Say?
Honorable Mentions: Celebrasion -- Sleeper Agent , The Narrative -- The Narrative, King -- O.A.R
Grad School
Ok, we’re nearing the end now, which means it’s time for my taste to get a lot more folky. I’m sorry, that’s just how it is. 
1) Amateurs -- Royal Teeth
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Ok, so technically this is an EP, but I think its six songs easily merit inclusion on this list. As always I go nuts for having a female-male singer duo. Combined with the energy and indie vibe that always works for me, this album is a thirty minutes extremely well spent. Their album Glow is also pretty fantastic and arguably should be on here too. 
Favorite Song: Is It Just Me
2) Places -- The National Parks
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Yes, that’s right, this album is dedicated to one of my favorite subjects: places! Closely followed by people and things. But leaving the title aside, this is a fantastic folk pop album that’s overflowing with both catchy tunes and heart. It’s a great experience.
Favorite Song: Esparanca
3) The Wilder Beyond -- Hillsburn
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Man, Hillsburn is a band that puts their all into their music. From the opening drum notes of the album, you can feel that this is going to be a great ride. The album covers a wide range of moods, from excited to nostalgic to melancholy, but in every song, Hillsburn is putting their heart into these songs and it shows.
Favorite Songs: Strange Clouds
4) Wild World -- Bastille 
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Bastille is one of those perfect bands that it feels like I barely need to introduce (It feels like if you’ve been alive in the past year, you’ve heard happier). If you had any doubts of how incredible they (and particularly the vocal talent) are, this album completely puts it to rest. I have to admit, their lyrics are a bit depressed, but they make up for it with insanely catchy songs that you will always be returning to. I debated between putting this album or their newest album, Doom Days, as my pick since they’re both fantastic, but this one technically came out during my grad school, so here it goes!
Favorite Song: Snakes
Honorable Mentions: I Want to Grow Up -- Colleen Green, Twin Forks -- Twin Forks, Nights Like This -- Eli Paperboy Reed
And finally...
The Special Derp Perfect Album Pick!!!
Mouth Sounds -- Neil Cicierega
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This album has no explanation. And it’s great. Vivid Memories Turn to Fantasies is a legitimate bop.
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And that’s it! That wraps up this special extra long quarantine edition of vinyl and vibes! Hope any remaining readers enjoyed this musical tour. Any thoughts? Albums I left out? Wrong opinions? Mad that Ieft out the album with Wonderwall by Oasis on it? Send those thoughts my way!
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quercussp · 6 years ago
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Brotherly
Rating: G
Word count: 1.7k
Summary: Martyn has a text conversation with his mother while on tour.
Authors note: This fic is dedicated to @waveydnp, who wanted something soft and fluffy on the bus. I'm sorry that it's not exactly what you asked for, it just sort of happened. I hope you like it. An enormous thank you to my two amazing betas @terpia and @megiaolf, who are both angels.
Warnings: very brief reference to bullying and homophobia.
[read on ao3]
Sunlight is peaking through the blinds on the windows, making the small table Martyn has set up his laptop on look as though it is painted in luminescent stripes. It is still pretty early, but most of the crew is riding in a separate car ahead of them to help set up the show and Dan, Phil and Marianne are still asleep, so the only thing that can be heard is the steady rumbling of the bus engine and the soft sound of the radio that the driver is listening to.
They are driving through what seems to be an endless sequence of fields, sometimes interrupted by a river or a small patch of trees. As someone who grew up in England, Martyn always finds the sheer amount of space in America a bit suffocating. As they drive down endless highways, he can’t help but think that nowhere in Europe can he see so much sky and nothing else. It’s a weird feeling.
Martyn is going through his emails, sending notes to the venues about merch stands and going over the final details of the schedule when he hears his phone vibrate next to him. As he unlocks it, he sees a notification from “mum”. It makes Martyn automatically smile. Because of the time difference he rarely gets to chat with his parents while they are touring, and call him a momma’s boy, but he genuinely misses the opportunity to talk with them every couple of days.
Hello child! - reads the message.
Hi - he answers quickly. As soon as he sends the message, he sees three dots appear. He waits for his mother to finish typing.
How are you, child? Did you sleep well? Are you eating properly?
Martyn starts typing out his reply, smiling. He might be 35 years old, but his mother still worries about him as though he is a rebellious teenager.
***
So how’s my youngest child doing? - Kathryn asks.
Martyn and his mum have been texting for about an hour and he has told her about the weird rash he has on his leg from a questionable sunscreen he used and about the presents he bought Cornelia. Kath has told him all about the recipe she tried out at dinner yesterday and about his aunts recovery from surgery and how his father got a very unfortunate haircut.
As he reads the text asking about Phil, he can clearly picture her face at that moment. Her expression is still happy and warm, but there is a slight wrinkle between her eyebrows and the corners of her mouth go down slightly. This is the “worried mum” face that Martyn is extremely closely acquainted with. He knows that even though she talks to Phil constantly, she worries about him. Especially when they are doing something as big and as difficult as this tour.
Martyn is immediately brought back to all the times when she would direct that question at him years before. He remembers her worried face when she would ask Martyn if he knew why Phil isn’t properly talking to her or his father. He remembers her sending Martyn to talk to Phil and coming in to see his teenage brother curled up into a tiny miserable ball on the bed. He looked so small and vulnerable, that Martyn always just wanted to wrap him up and hide him away from the world. Instead, he would sit on the bed and wait. In the end, Phil always opened up to Martyn. It would take time and delicate prodding, but Phil trusted Martyn with his life, and Martyn has never treated that responsibility lightly.
He remembers Phil telling him about kids at school being mean to him, and Martyn shaking in silent rage. His brother was odd and quirky, but he was also creative and kind and from a very early age exhumed a light that no one could match. He got excited about the weirdest things, he would try to make friends with everyone around him, from police officers to classmates to trash bins and trees. He always was trying to create something new and exciting, and his eyes would always shine with enthusiasm and light. The fact that there were people who wanted to hurt him for being different made Martyn pray with all his might to whatever powers commanded the universe that his brother wouldn’t get mistreated by life. That he would find someone who understands that wonder that he has and who would appreciate him for the adorable weirdo he is. Who would wrap him up in love and let him be himself.
He remembers talking to Phil on a break from his second year of university, them sitting on the couch playing Final Fantasy while their parents were out of the house, when Phil quietly whispered “I think I like boys” amidst the noises from the game. He remembers looking over to Phil in surprise and seeing his face, scared and confused and anxious, and his eyes begging Martyn to understand. He honestly hadn’t known how to react, but looking at his younger brother’s fearful eyes, he had vowed to himself to never make Phil afraid to tell him something again, so he had just smiled and murmured “okay” and continued playing.
They talked more about it over the years, and if anything, that shared secret brought them even closer together.
He remembers when Rob died, getting a phone call from Phil and rushing to see him at his house he shared with his roommates, just to find Phil curled up and crying, alone and absolutely heartbroken. He remembers thinking to himself that even though Phil is no longer a small kid, but instead a tall and big adult, how he wishes he could scoop him up and protect him from this pain. If only that was possible.
He remembers Phil telling him over the phone in a shaky voice that he has a boyfriend. Dan. That he loves him so much and he is really scared of telling his parents.
And he also remembers the tears his mother shed after he did tell them, and his father’s shock and confusion. He knows both Kath and Nigel deeply regret how they reacted then. Even though both of them were just incredibly worried about another thing that made their youngest kid more different and vulnerable, and didn’t know how to deal with wanting the best for your child. they hurt Phil deeply and it’s still something none of them like to bring up.
But their relationship is good right now. Solid. Close. He wonders why she is asking him all of a sudden, and doesn’t just talk to Phil himself. He knows she is worried because Phil has been really stressed lately, tired from the tour and constantly meeting people and making decisions taking a serious a toll on him.
He’s ok.
Why don’t you ask him yourself? - he asks her.
I have been but he isn’t answering! He is always either busy or eating. And you know he can’t type and eat at the same time. She accompanies the message with one of those huge spinning smiling emojis, and Martyn quietly chuckles at the obnoxious thing. I haven’t heard from him in days. Tell him to talk to me.
Let me go get him - Martyn answers. It’s 9 am already and they will be at their next stop in less than an hour, so Martyn doesn’t feel that bad about waking Phil up. And also, not answering your mother’s texts is a punishable offense in the Lester family anyway, so Phil deserves to be woken up. He needs to get out of bed at some point anyway.
He leans down to open up the curtain to Phil’s bunk and is met with a somewhat familiar picture. Phil is curled up in a tight ball, eyes closed and breathing evenly, his face looking young and peaceful and so vulnerable, that Martyn feels the familiar protectiveness rise up in his chest.
What’s different is that instead of being alone, Phil is now wrapped in big broad arms of his partner. Martyn can only guess that Dan has climbed down from his bunk during the night, and is now sleeping crammed into the wall of the bus, holding Phil tightly in his arms, with his leg thrown over Phil’s legs, and his face buried into Phil’s messy black hair. Scooping him up and holding him as close as humanly possible. Covering him almost totally. Hiding him away from the world.
Martyn smiles softly at the scene. His brother is no longer a small chubby child, no longer an awkward teenager. By every definition, he is a grown man. A very big one in fact. Influential, rich, talented. He is also very tall. Taller than Martyn. Who would have guessed that out of all the people on the planet, Phil would find someone even bigger and taller, someone who makes him look small and fragile when they lie in a cramped bunk together.
He probably will never stop worrying about his brother all together, but now he has Dan who worries with him. Who appreciates Phil for exactly who he is, and loves everything that makes him weird. Someone who has Phil’s love and who cherishes it and protects it as the most valuable thing in the world. Who has helped Phil turn from a gangly insecure kid into a confident, happy and successful man. A man who is living his dream and giving so much happiness to people around him.
Martyn will deny this if ever asked, but he feels so proud of his baby brother.
He doesn’t have the heart to wake them. But he does take a picture. He sends it to his mother with the caption
Sorry to tell you, but your youngest child seems to be held captive by an enormous curly haired giant. We might never see him again:)
Tell them both I love them - she texts back. After a pause she sends another message:
Take care of them, ok? Both of them. They look tired.
I’m so glad they have each other. And that the bunks are big enough ;)
Martyn chuckles, but can’t help agree. He thinks to himself that whatever powers he used to pray to have been incredibly kind.
Love you, mum - he texts back and goes back to work. He still has a million things to do before they arrive. He will make Phil feel guilty for sleeping in later. He really does need the sleep.
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cityoftheangelllls · 2 years ago
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My Personal Tier Chart Ranking of Some Classic Rock Bands
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Here are the bands listed, in order of their ranking:
ABSOLUTE LEGENDS THAT WILL NEVER BE TOPPED EVER (my absolute favorite groups):
Queen
Electric Light Orchestra
ABBA
Styx
Jefferson Starship
The Beatles
Toto
Heart
(Paul McCartney and) Wings
Fleetwood Mac
The Doors
Hall and Oates
Genesis
Yeah!! Really Good!
The Cars
Foreigner
The Eagles
Duran Duran
The Scorpions
Led Zeppelin
Uriah Heep
Van Halen
The Doobie Brothers
Bad Company
Huey Lewis and the News
Crosby, Stills, Nash (and Young)
The Raspberries (I've always been partial to them since Jim Bonfanti, the drummer, is my great uncle)
Manfred Mann's Earth Band
The Jimi Hendrix Experience
America
The Police
Creedence Clearwater Revival
REO Speedwagon
The Alan Parsons Project
Supertramp
Cream
The Guess Who
Yes
The Moody Blues
The Little River Band
Ehhhhhhhh They're Okay:
The Rolling Stones (never really got myself into them but I do like a few of their songs, including Miss You, Jumping Jack Flash, and Paint it Black)
Rush (still trying to get a little more into this band since I've discovered some stuff of theirs that I really like, also the late Neil Peart is a fantastic drummer and although Geddy Lee's voice takes some getting used to, he doesn't sound as bad as many people make him out to be)
Kansas
Aerosmith (I honestly find them overrated and overplayed, especially freaking Dream On and I Don't Want to Miss a Thing, although I do really like Same Old Song and Dance, Back in the Saddle, and Angel)
Pink Floyd (I now like them a little more than I used to, when I thought they were incredibly bland, and I think the album The Wall is a masterpiece)
The Who
Deep Purple
Grand Funk Railroad
Steve Miller Band (I hear their hits WAY TOO MUCH on the radio, especially The Joker, which I positively fucking hate, but they honestly aren't too bad, and their stuff from the late 60s, like Space Cowboy, is definitely overlooked)
Thin Lizzy (The Boys Are Back in Town is my favorite of theirs atm, I haven't really found anything of theirs that lives up to that but I still enjoy listening to it)
Steely Dan
Jethro Tull (a lot of their songs are pretty decent, and if there was ever a hard rock band that could masterfully blend in the flute, then this was it. Locomotive Breath still slaps)
The Yardbirds
U2 (again, never really got into them, although I love Bono's voice)
Journey (ISTFG if I hear Don't Stop Believing one more goddamn time I'm going to rip the whole radio out of my car and toss it out the window. But seriously, I would have genuinely enjoyed that song if they didn't overplay it to the point where it's grating on my ears. I never was a huge fan of Journey in general, although I do like Stone in Love, Who's Crying Now, Girl Can't Help It, and City of the Angels (my blog's namesake!))
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (Tom Petty (RIP)'s voice has never been one that I've absolutely loved, but he still did put out some great songs, like Breakdown, You Got Lucky, Mary Jane's Last Dance, and Refugee)
Don't Really Like But Will Listen To (and by that, I mean I only like one or two of their songs, or if I'm stuck in a waiting room or something and genuinely don't have a choice)
AC/DC (never really liked their sound, only song of theirs I genuinely like is Highway to Hell, although I think Angus Young is a fantastic guitarist and Bon Scott was one of the greatest rock band frontmen, it's a shame we lost him so soon)
KISS (all their songs except for Beth pretty much sound the same and it's pretty irritating, although I still find them listenable. I do like I Was Made for Loving You, but that's pretty much it)
The B-52s (Love Shack is one of the cheesiest and most obnoxious songs I have ever heard and I immediately change the station when it comes on. A lot of their other stuff isn't really enjoyable for me either, but I do like Roam)
Bon Jovi (Livin on a Prayer is right up there with Don't Stop Believing as one of the most overplayed and annoying 80s anthems ever. Along with that, I just never really liked their overall sound or Jon Bon Jovi's voice, although I do like Runaway)
Lynyrd Skynyrd (Simple Man and What's Your Name are okay but I just never really cared for this band. I also can't take Sweet Home Alabama seriously anymore because of how it became meme material)
ZZ Top (I never really enjoyed their sound that much, I also can't take them seriously anymore because of how my mother once said they looked like a group of child m*lesters)
The Beach Boys (their musical catalogue is almost purely 60s surfer corniness and that's not really my cup of tea, and I don't really like that many of their songs to be considered a fan. I do love Good Vibrations and Little Saint Nick though)
The Monkees (I just never really got into this group to the point where I genuinely enjoy their music, sorry)
The Kinks (Catch Me Now I'm Falling may be the only song I enjoy by them, really. Also, I think Lola is incredibly obnoxious)
DO NOT LIKE, PERIOD:
Guns and Roses (sorry, but I just cannot get past Axl Rose's whiny, screechy vocals, and I want to rip out my eardrums whenever I hear anything by them, especially their cover of Live and Let Die and the two songs they always play on the radio, Welcome to the Jungle and Sweet Child O' Mine)
Dire Straits (I just do not like the sound of this group at all, I'd much rather be listening to music from Sesame Street)
Talking Heads (they're just awful IMO, and Burning Down the House is one of my least favorite songs from the 80s)
Red Hot Chili Peppers (again, awful and really tacky)
The Ramones (I never liked their sound, and from what I've heard, all their songs are repetitive and bland and they sound really unenergetic, but maybe that's just me)
**Please keep in mind that this is solely based on my opinion, and I don't expect any of you to agree with me 100%. Please don't be rude when replying or reblogging, thank you!**
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jilliancares · 7 years ago
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Which Witch
Summary: Dan and Phil are neighbors, witches, and enemies. Their feud leads to Dan cursing Phil, only for Phil to curse him right back. 
Genre: smut
Word Count: 4.9k
TW: slightly neglected aftercare
(i had this in my drafts in google docs with everything except the smut scene written and i’d completely forgot about it so!!! enjoy my dudes)
~~
Dan loved his neighborhood. There were quaint little houses, tall and skinny and stacked up side by side, each one a different pastel color with white trim on the windows. The yards were green and luscious, and it never failed to make Dan happy to walk down the sidewalks, taking in the colors of the yards and the houses and the sky.
Really, there was only one downfall to the neighborhood. The neighbors. Or, more specifically, the neighbor.
Phil Lester was a Grade A piece of shit, and Dan had no qualms about saying that. Not to himself nor directly to Phil Lester’s face. Just as horrible as the actual person, was the actual person’s cat. Phil couldn’t seem to harness control of that stupid ball of fur and the asshole was constantly trespassing into Dan’s yard and eating his plants. He needed those plants. He grew them all for a reason! Each one was important for potion making, and Dan made plenty of potions. On more than one occasion he’d been tempted to brew one up and spray it on the leaves of his plants, one that would make stupid, asshole cats incredibly sick…
But no, Dan wasn’t that mean. Instead, he barked insults over the fence at his asshole neighbor and his asshole cat, and whenever Dan saw the cat, he picked it up and threw it over the fence.
“Don’t manhandle Charlie!” Phil had cried on more than one occasion, whenever he spotted Dan doing this. “You could hurt him!”
“I don’t care!” Dan would scream back. Although, really, did Phil actually think that Dan was going to let his cat get hurt? Of course he casted a protection charm over the thing before he threw it back. Did Phil really think he was so heartless? “Just keep it out of my yard!”
“You’re the one growing catnip!”
“I need it for my potions!”
“Don’t you know how many substitutes for catnip there are?” Phil had huffed, his hands appearing on the side of the fence. After a visible struggle, Phil had hauled himself upward, so that he was holding himself up on the fence and staring down at Dan, his legs presumably hanging in open air, unless Phil knew of a flying spell that Dan didn’t.
“All of the substitutes have undesired side effects,” Dan had sniffed. “And get off my fence.”
“It’s my fence too,” Phil had grunted, obviously struggling from holding himself up on it. So not a flying charm, then.
That interaction had ended with Dan hexing Phil and Phil falling off the fence, before Dan scurried back inside of his house before Phil could retaliate. Other than yelling after Dan, “Fuck you!”, of course.
There were just too many things about Phil that Dan couldn’t stand, and because of that, he couldn’t stand the man altogether. He glared at him from his windows and sometimes sent petty curses his way, though Phil did it right back. Some days, Dan would find his hot water not working, and he’d roll his eyes before sending a curse right back, making the flowers he’d seen Phil come home with the day before shrivel and die. It was always stuff like this, all these little things on top of each other. It felt normal by now, and sometimes Dan did it without even thinking.
Of course, other times he did it completely intentionally, because Phil was being a stupid, inconsiderate, asshole, and Dan wanted nothing other than to hex his balls off. Of course, that was a bit too far, but Dan still glared venomously out his window, wondering when the hell Phil and his latest fuck would quiet down. It seemed like Phil was constantly carting random men and women into his house, all of them loud and obnoxious and not letting Dan catch a wink of sleep. Of course, maybe it just seemed that way because Dan never took anyone home. Either way, Phil really did have the worst taste.
“Oh! Oh my God, faster, please!” some whiney, nasal-y voice moaned, and judging by the sudden increase of moans, Phil did just that. Dan decided he couldn’t take it anymore.
He sat up in bed, glaring out his window and into Phil’s (and who the hell left their lights on at night, anyway? Dan could see everything). He stood up and stomped over to his bookshelf, yanking a multitude of spell books off the shelf and piling them into his arms, before he marched right back to his bed. He laid them all out and started flipping through them frantically, searching for something that would work, something just evil enough, just mean enough. Something that would convey Dan’s annoyance perfectly.
Phil had finished fucking the idiot’s brains out by the time Dan found the perfect one. He waited while Phil walked his guest out (not having him sleepover, huh?) and came back sometime later, his hair wet and freshly showered. And then Dan started chanting, dragging his finger under the foreign words in his spell book and looking up to glare at Phil between every sentence. He chanted the spell a few times through, just to make sure it really stuck, and then slammed the book shut with a huff when he was finally done. That would sure show Phil, all right. Oh yes. And after being unable to come when he was with another person, he would surely stop taking so many people home, and Dan would finally have uninterrupted sleep once more.
Dan got to watch the work of his spell exactly thirteen days later. It was worse this time, because Phil had left his window open, but still, Dan would have the upper hand at the end of it all. He pretended to be asleep, grinning into his pillow, as he listened to Phil and some man going at it. It went on for much longer than usual, and apparently ended on a sour note.
“If you weren’t enjoying it, you should’ve just said something,” the man snarled. Dan chanced a peek as the man walked around the room butt-naked (Phil still hadn’t learned his lesson about turning the lights off) and gathering his clothes.
“I must’ve had too much to drink,” Phil murmured, pink-face and sitting on his bed, conveniently underneath a duvet.
“Yeah, whatever. I’ll show myself out,” the man scoffed, before stalking from Phil’s room with his chin held high.
Phil looked dejected and embarrassed and confused. Good, Dan thought viciously. But then Phil happened to glance out of his window, and fuck, did they make eye contact? No, there was no way they did. Dan’s room was dark, and he’d looked away the second Phil looked over here. Dan was just being paranoid. Really, he should just feel proud of his spell gone right.
With a huff, Dan plucked Charlie out of his garden, giving him a cursory pet only because he was so soft and it was hard not to, and then plopped him over on the other side.
“What did you do?” Phil demanded, immediately peering over the top. He looked furious and Dan would’ve been frightened if he’d known Phil’s spells were even half as good as his.
“Returned your thieving cat. What did you do?”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it!” Phil snapped. Breathing heavily, he heaved himself over the fence entirely, landing on Dan’s side and nearly crashing into him. It was a bit overkill, really. There was a front gate not ten feet away.
“You’re trespassing,” Dan informed, crossing his arms and cocking his head.
“I don’t care,” Phil replied. “I just want you to undo whatever voodoo you put on me. There’s no way that spell was legal.”
“All the spells I perform are perfectly legal,” Dan said. “Besides, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” With that said, Dan turned around and strode back into his house, turning around to glare at Phil as he stomped on the nearest plant.
“I’ll curse you for that!”
“I’m sure you will!”
Really, Dan should’ve known that everything would come back to bite him in the arse.
Currently, he was sat on his bed and fisting his cock as hard as he could ever remember doing. He was panting, and though he was normally very quiet, he was even whining, he was so desperate. A shuddering kind of sob fell from Dan’s lips as he moved his hand even faster, his body thrumming and so close. With an annoyed groan, Dan finally stopped, realizing that it was useless. He’d been trying for an hour so far, and though he felt so unbearably close, it just wasn’t happening.
Dan tugged a pillow into his lap and pressed his face into it. What was wrong with him?
He’d just thought this, when the lights in his room suddenly turned on. Dan gasped, looking around in confusion, when his window flew open and none other than Phil Lester tumbled in, looking triumphant.
“What the fuck!” Dan yelled, clutching the pillow to himself even tighter. “Get out! I’m naked, get out!” He sounded undignified and nothing like the way he usually did when he talked to Phil, which he knew always annoyed the shit out of him, but Dan couldn’t help it. It wasn’t every day your arch nemesis tumbled into your room while you were naked.
Phil stood up, pointing a finger at Dan accusingly, and Dan tugged the comforter over himself in embarrassment. What the bloody fuck was going on?
“You’re an asshole!” Phil proclaimed.
“You’re the one who just— just, broke into my house! Get out!”
“No! Not until you take this spell off me!”
And suddenly, everything made a whole lot of sense. No wonder he couldn’t come!
“You cursed me!” Dan yelled, astonished, and Phil rolled his eyes.
“Well, duh,” he scoffed. Dan’s face went red at the blatant admittance. “Yours is the opposite of mine. You’ll have to actually go out and get someone if you want to come,” he said with a smirk.
Dan’s face got even redder, and his mouth dropped open. He spluttered. “I— I can’t do that!” he cried. “I’m not like you! I can’t just have meaningless sex!”
Phil raised an eyebrow. “Whoever said the sex I have is meaningless?”
“You’re just doing it with strangers,” Dan said, rolling his eyes. “It doesn’t mean something unless you love them.”
“Oh really?” Phil asked with a smirk. “You sure about that?”
“Of course.”
“So this…” Phil said, slinking closer to Dan’s bed. He actually had the nerve to climb onto it and kneel next to Dan, before placing his hand on top of the pillow on Dan’s lap, both covered by his comforter. “Would mean nothing?”
“Of course it would!” Dan snapped, or, tried to. It came out as more of a whisper, and Phil raised an eyebrow at him. Oh lord, Dan was going to curse him to high hell, he was.
Phil’s pressed down on the pillow, and even through it and the duvet, it made Dan whimper and grind upward. He’d never done this before, never had someone’s hand so close to his cock, though there was no way Phil knew that. He was looking at Dan with such intensity, his eyes dark and hot, the pressure of his hand on Dan’s lap making Dan struggle not to pant. It didn’t help that Phil was touching him after an hour of Dan rubbing himself raw.
“Are you sure?” Phil said. Dan couldn’t even remember what he was talking about. Phil scooted closer, his lips finding their way to Dan’s neck. For some reason, this felt absolutely fucking incredible to Dan, and he bit his lip, turning his head to the side to give Phil better access.
While Phil’s lips moved over his neck, sucking on his skin just enough to make Dan’s cheeks go pink, his hand found its way to his lower stomach. Dan jolted when Phil’s cold fingers came in contact with his bare skin, but Phil shushed him, and though Dan wrapped his hand around Phil’s wrist, he wasn’t pulling him away, but leading him closer.
Phil’s hand slipped under the comforter, under the pillow, and his long, thin fingers wrapped around Dan’s cock. Dan choked, his whole body curling forwards, trying to wrap around the point of contact.
“Lay back,” Phil instructed, gently pushing him away. He maneuvered Dan so that he was flat on his back, panting and staring up at Phil, who was still wearing absolutely all of his clothes. Dan flushed, realizing this, and shyly tried to sit up a little. Phil held him still. “You’re beautiful,” he said.
Dan stammered some sort of thank you in reply, before gesturing towards Phil. “Your clothes,” he pointed out.
“I’ll take them off,” Phil said easily. “Got any lube?”
Dan’s breath hitched, and he found himself nodding, pointing to his bedside table. God, maybe Phil was right. Maybe you didn’t have to love someone for the sex to be meaningful—after all, they hated each other and this was going great. Phil stripped off his clothes after retrieving the lube, and Dan tried not to stare, really, he did, but Phil was gorgeous.
Once he was naked Phil found the lube in the bedsheets and quickly put it on his fingers. Dan didn’t bother to tell him that he’d only ever fingered himself twice before, stopping the the first time after a single finger because he was embarrassed and the second time after two fingers because it had hurt. Phil’s fingers were wet, and he shoved one into Dan quickly, sloppily, and Dan jerked on the bed. It hurt, but it felt good as well, and it wasn’t like Dan was going to tell him to slow down. But Phil frowned.
“You’re tight,” he commented.
“I don’t have sex with just anybody like you do,” Dan snapped.
“No,” Phil said. He wiggled his finger inside Dan, who gasped at the feeling, accidentally clenching around the intrusion. “You’re really tight.”
“It’s been a while, okay?” Dan lied. “Just get on with it.”
But Phil went slower after that, gentler. He moved his fingers in a way that, embarrassingly, had Dan moving with them, his hips rocking forwards and backwards. By the time he got two fingers in, he reached something inside Dan that made him cry out, before he immediately slapped his hand over his mouth in embarrassment. After that Phil seemed to like pressing against it quite a bit, apparently taking pleasure in the reactions Dan made. Dan had to close his eyes, too overwhelmed to tell Phil to stop examining his face like that. Phil saw his every gasp, every flutter of his eyelashes, every time his mouth fell open only to be clamped back down upon by his teeth.
“Condoms?” Phil asked at one point, three fingers so deep inside Dan that he was having trouble comprehending words. No Dan didn’t have condoms. He’d never had sex, never had a boyfriend, of course he didn’t have condoms.
“Er—I’m out,” Dan said, and Phil nodded.
“It’s alright, I know a spell.” He murmured something under his breath, his eyes squinted shut as he did. “You ready?” he asked. Dan nodded, his fingers clenched in the sheets underneath him. When Phil first started to push in, it hurt. He was big, and he was moving steadily, slowly deeper into Dan, who was sweating all over.
“Breathe,” Phil instructed, and Dan did, gasping in a breath and trying not to cringe at the feeling of himself being stretched wide open. “Relax.” Dan did this as well, and slowly, it got better, it stopped hurting, and Phil was still sliding carefully into him, until he was balls deep and Dan was panting, the sheets sticking to his sweaty back.
“F-fuck,” Dan managed, his chest heaving. Phil hummed, his lips coming down against Dan’s throat and sucking again, harder this time, and Dan was arching up into his warm body. Dan released the sheets, instead clinging onto Phil, his fingers digging into the soft, smooth skin. He could feel himself shaking all over, his muscles trembling, and Phil gently pressed him back into the bed.
“You just lie still,” Phil instructed. “And I’ll take care of you.” If Dan hadn’t known better he would’ve thought Phil knew he was a virgin.
Phil pulled out, just as slowly as he’d pushed in, and it made Dan’s jaw drop open, made him struggle to catch his breath. He pushed back in faster the next time, harder, grunting as he came to a stop deep inside Dan.
“Oh God,” Dan murmured. His fingers were trembling against Phil’s skin, and Phil kissed his shoulders and chest as he pulled out again, angling himself, and pushed directly into Dan’s prostate. Dan made a sound which he would later describe as the most embarrassing thing to come out of him in his adult life and threw his head back. Phil picked up the pace, somehow managing to hit that same spot with every thrust. Dan felt so good he thought he might pass out, his entire body tight and jerking at the intensity of it all.
“Dan,” Phil said suddenly, his voice full of realization. “Dan you’re gonna have to—” he grunted then, slamming back into Dan, who squeaked. “You’re gonna have to take that spell off me, or I won’t be able to…”
“Oh!” Dan exclaimed, and only partially because Phil had reached down and grabbed his dick. Really, it was a miracle Dan had managed not to come yet. “Fuck, yeah. You’ll have to…” he gasped, swallowed, closed his eyes as Phil pounded into him, not slowing down, not letting Dan speak. “Have to… hand me my. Um. My fuck! Spellbook!”
Phil reached over, grabbing the large book that was left on Dan’s bedside table from the past nights of trying to find particularly good hexes. Dan put the book beside him, sitting up slightly and flipping rapidly through the pages as Phil kept fucking him, not slowing down for a minute. It took him much too long to find the page, distracted as he was, and several tries to actually murmur the spell out loud, thanks to the constant interruptions of his moaning.
And then Dan couldn’t take it anymore—he was strung so tight, so full of pleasure, and Phil slid into him so perfectly, so fast that Dan exploded. His hands dug into Phil’s skin as he jerked underneath him, his arse clenching sporadically around Phil’s cock. Dan couldn’t help moaning because of it, gasping under Phil as he spilled himself all over their stomachs. He wrenched his eyes open, looking up at Phil who was studying him intensely, still fucking into Dan, now soft and sensitive and pliant, now wanting to pull away from the feeling of Phil moving inside him, too much, too much.
With one particularly hard thrust, Phil was coming, groaning into Dan’s neck as he did, holding him tightly against him. Dan was panting, his arse sore and sensitive, Phil’s breath hot on his neck. He pulled out slowly, smiling down at Dan, who let his eyes slip shut.
Dan laid there, winded, his head still spinning, and Phil’s warm skin pressed against him everywhere. He had this embarrassing urge to grab Phil and drag him entirely on top of himself. He just wanted to feel Phil’s weight against him, all over him. He wanted to keep touching Phil, wanted to reach out and run his fingers through Phil’s hair…
“I guess you were right,” Phil said finally, and he sat up a bit, leaning on his elbow. He was wearing that horrible smirk again, the sweet smile and wonder in his eyes from mere moments ago gone without a trace.
“W-what?” Dan stammered unsteadily.
“You were right. About it not meaning anything.”
Dan gaped at Phil, the sky crashing down around him, hitting him, even, as it plummeting to the ground.
“What?” Dan whispered.
“I’d better be getting home. Haven’t fed Charlie yet, you know. Mind if I use the door this time?”
And with that Phil slid out of bed, dragging the blanket with him. He gave Dan’s suddenly exposed body a superficial glance, still wearing that evil smirk, and Dan dragged a pillow over himself modestly. Hadn’t Phil been calling him beautiful not even ten minutes ago?
Without another word, Phil walked out of his room and traipsed through his house. Inexplicably, Dan felt tears rise to his eyes. He waited until he heard the door slam to let himself sniff, his nose already running. The next thing Dan knew, he was crying into the pillow on his lap, sobs wracking his body as he tried to make himself stop. God, Phil Lester didn’t deserve to be cried over. Still, Dan couldn’t believe that he’d managed to have his first time with such an asshole.
Alone and cold, Dan finally felt the ache inside him, left over from their previous activities. Wanting to forget about the horrible events that had transpired, Dan began searching through his spell books immediately. It was while he was doing this that he realized, though Phil had gotten Dan to take the curse off of him, he’d never returned the favor for Dan. So Dan was still very much cursed, as if everything else wasn’t bad enough.
Feeling tears start to fill his eyes for a second time, Dan threw his spell book across the room angrily, feeling a mix of pleasure and annoyance when it had knocked his lamp over and broke it.
Dan wanted nothing more than to avoid Phil forever, which was surprisingly hard to do when he was your next door neighbor. The only solution, of course, was to never leave the house again ever. And to duck anytime he saw Phil through the window.
Dan felt ashamed and used. Embarrassment colored his cheeks whenever he so much as thought of Phil and the fact that he’d fallen for his tricks.
As he was preparing tea in his kitchen, Dan saw Charlie the cat climb up over his fence and start foraging around in his plants. He glared glumly at the asshole, but didn’t want to actually chance going outside to return the cat.
Dan had considered trying to use a memory modification potion on himself, but they were wildly unpredictable. Still, Dan thought it might be worth it, if he could avoid thinking about what had happened with Phil ever again.
Dan huffed, realizing that he wouldn’t even be able to make the potion properly anyway. For one thing, he’d actually have to go outside and get the ingredients he needed, some of which had managed to disappear completely, having been consumed by the worst cat in the world. For another, every potion Dan had tried to make recently went sour. He was too distracted. Residual embarrassment seemed soaked in his bones. He felt disgusting, used, and had even half-heartedly browsed online for any nearby selling houses. He didn’t know if he’d be able to manage living next to Phil any longer, even though he truly did love the rest of his neighborhood with all his heart.
He was annoyed with himself. He just wanted to get over it, to stop thinking about it so much, but he couldn’t. He’d cried so often lately that he’d even tried to create a hydrating potion to stop him from becoming so dehydrated all the time, but it hadn’t worked and had had him running to the bathroom to throw it up instead.
Part of the reason Dan was so distraught was because it’d almost been exactly what he’d wanted his first time to be like. Phil had been sweet and caring, had attended to Dan so nicely and made him feel so wonderful. The only thing that was out of place was the fact that he and Phil weren’t in a long, committed, happy relationship—instead they hated each other and Phil had left him immediately afterwards, insulting him all the while.
“Leave,” Dan grumbled to himself, his elbow on the counter and his chin in his palm as he glared at Charlie. The cat acted like it was perfectly innocent, which it most certainly wasn’t. It was sneaking closer and closer to Dan’s back door, ripping entire leaves off some of his most precious plants. “I hate you,” Dan moaned.
Just then, Dan happened to glance to the left. Phil Lester was standing on his own patio, looking around his yard, except he seemed to sense Dan’s stare and he turned, locking eyes with him. Panicking, Dan did the only thing he could thing to do and dropped to the floor, tugging his knees up to his chest tightly. He’d avoided being seen by Phil thus far, fuck! Why’d he have to fail now? Phil was probably laughing at him, delighting in his embarrassment and dancing on the grave of his virginity. Dan wasn’t entirely sure how that was possible, but he was sure Phil was doing it.
Busy sulking, it took Dan a few moments to realizing that he could hear something scratching at his door. Curious, though also suspecting a stupid, plant-maiming cat, Dan crawled along the floor and came to a stop beside the back door. He twitched aside the curtain over the window panes and saw Charlie, one paw in the air, having just scratched Dan’s door.
“Shoo,” Dan told the cat, glaring at him.
“He likes you.”
Dan screeched, pulling the curtains shut and scrambling backwards, having only just realized that behind the cat had been a pair of legs! Practically hyperventilating, Dan rushed up the stairs and into his bedroom. There, he grabbed a suitcase from in his closet and starting shoving things into it. Clothes, shoes, trash—wait, trash? Dan groaned and dumped what he’d packed, ripping new clothes out of his closet instead. He was leaving, dammit!
“Dan, please hear me out,” said a voice that Dan most certainly never wanted to hear again. Dan whipped around, his mouth open in astonishment as he saw Phil standing in his doorway.
“I—what—you broke into my house!”
“Well, your charms were kind of old—”
Dan summoned his spellbook with a muttered word and hastily began flipping through it, murmuring random snatches under his breath, trying to find a hex, a curse, anything!
“Wait, Dan! Just listen to me!”
Deciding that he didn’t care what he did to Phil but knowing he wanted to do something, Dan finally stopped flipping through the pages and starting chanting the first words he saw. He was forced to stop, however, when the book was wrenched from his lap.
“Stop that,” Phil insisted.
“Get out of my house!” Dan demanded. The next thing he knew, Charlie the cat was sneaking into his room through the open door, and Dan growled. “And get that thing out too!”
“He likes you!” Phil persisted.
“I hate you!” Dan snapped, and he jumped to his feet. “Get the fuck out of my house right now, Lester.”
“No,” Phil said, and Dan felt pure rage. It felt like his insides were burning,like he was seeing fire. “Dan, please—I came to say I’m sorry.”
This surprised Dan. “You’re what?”
“I’m sorry,” Phil repeated. “What I did was immature. Really immature. I took that curse off you too, I don’t know if you ever realized. And—well, and I lied to you also. I told you that it meant nothing but... I only said that because I was afraid of how much like something it felt.”
Dan crossed his arms over his chest, gnawing on his lip.
“And,” Phil continued, “I especially shouldn’t have left you after. Not after your first time.”
Dan gaped, offended. “Wh—that wasn’t my first time!” he insisted, his cheeks flushed vibrantly red.
“Dan.” Phil was ignoring him. “I’m really, truly sorry. I shouldn’t have wronged you like that, and I want you to give me a second chance.”
“I don’t want to have sex with you,” Dan hissed, and Phil shook his head.
“Not a second chance for sex,” he said hastily. “Just—to be friends. Or more than, if you were willing. After everything I’ve done. I really like you, Dan. I have for a long time, and I’ve been an idiot.”
“Yes, you have,” Dan agreed, his arms still crossed. Phil bit his lip. “But… I’ll give you a chance. Only because Charlie likes me.”
Phil cheered, rushing forward and pulling Dan into a hug. Dan made a sound of surprise, having to move his arms to avoid having them smushed in between their bodies.
“Can I kiss you Dan?” Phil asked. Surprisingly enough, it was only then that Dan realized they hadn’t kissed during their entire sexual escapade. He’d had sex with this man and he’d never even kissed him.
“Um. Sure,” Dan decided, mainly out of curiosity, and he closed his eyes as Phil pulled away only to softly peck his lips, just barely capturing Dan’s bottom lip between his own.
“Hey Phil?” Dan said.
“Yes?”
“You better keep your cat out of my fucking garden.”
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belle-ame-lester · 7 years ago
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one day i will go to england. it will be a typical dreary day but it will be warm in tesco. i will be buying all of the ingredients for gluten free vegan bread and some kraft™ singles so that i can live my dream of being an ancient norweigan viking villager (but with kraft™ singles) but i will be unable to reach the kraft™ singles. dan and phil (being obnoxiously tall) will see me struggling and will come over to me. phil is carrying their shopping basket (why are there so many rice krispies... and so much kale???) so dan offers to get the cheese (kraft™ singles) down for me. they are situated on the top shelf. he is in the process of attempting to hand me one (1) packet of kraft™ singles when he slips. he hits his head on the tiled floor and curses loudly (beep mother-beep skrek's beep beep on a beep bicycle) before passing out. i quickly pull out my phone, encased with a picture of nick jonas's face, and call the ambulance. the paramedics come and dan is taken into an ambulance. phil looks at me and asks me where i got my incredible phone case. i tell him that i was into renassiance painting once and learnt how to paint nick jonas's face like michealangelo so i made a phone case out of it before decided to become an ancient norweigan viking villager. he tels me that he likes it and that it's really cool and he loves nick jonas. we spend another hour bonding over our mutual love for nick jonas before phil realises that it's late and dan is in hospital. phil offers to take me to the hospital (since i sold my car when i decided i was going to become an ancient norweigan viking warrior) and i accept. we listen to old jonas brothers music on the drive there and we talk some more. when we arrive at the hospital, we get out of the car. before we go inside, he asks me on a coffee date at ten am the next day. i accept. we go inside to see dan. the doctor tells us he's fine but will need to stay overnight. phil says that he will stay with him and i decide that, since it was my fault that dan got injured, i would stay too. phil goes to get a spare set of clothing from his apartment so he can stay overnight. i already have everything i need (the clothes on my back, all of the ingredients for gluten free vegan bread and one (1) packet of kraft™ singles) since i am becoming an ancient norweigan viking villager. he gives me a kiss on the cheek before he leaves. i blush. i'm sitting beside dan's bed when he opens his eyes. he looks over at me and he looks slightly startled. i tell him that i'm sorry for causing him to get injured and he says that it was okay he just wished that phil didn't have to witness it. he asks where phil went and i tell him that phil will be back soom. we talk about how great phil is until we phil returns. the three of us sit and watch crappy hospital TV (an old rerun of antique roadshow that i'd already seen 12 times) before dan falls asleep again. phil and i go and get coffee and sandwiches from the hospital cafeteria. we then return to dan's hospital ward (he is the only patient in that ward) and phil invites me onto the balcony. he tells me he has something to tell me. he blushes and looks slightly scared. he then confesses his undying love for me. i'm slightly shocked but, when i'm back to my senses, i tell him that i love him too. he leans over and kisses me. we stay on that balcony for a long time, kissing under the light of the moon, before we decide that we're both tired and need sleep. i wake up the next morning in another bed in dan's hospital ward, the same bed as phil. phil is already awake and gives me a kiss on the cheek before getting up to check on dan. dan is still asleep. phil pokes him in the side and he wakes up, looking bleary-eyed, and asks what the time is. it's 8 am. he says he's hungry so phil and i go to get him breakfast so he can eat before the doctor discharges him. when we're in the cafeteria again, i remember that i have something important to tell phil. he asks me what's wrong and i tell him that i was only staying in england for three months and that i would be leaving tomorrow. he looks distraught. we return to dan's room. phil and i are waiting for dan to finish his crissoint so phil decided to hold my hand. we sit comfotably like that for a while before dan asks why we're holding hands. phil tells him that he loves me and kisses me on the cheek. dan looks shocked and horrified. "but phil... i love you" he says before passing out. phil has too many thoughts going through his mind and feels too overwhelmed with dan's sudden love confession and my leaving so he gets up and leaves the room, dragging me with him. we get in the car and go all over london that day. we go to all the tourist-y sites and then we play laser skirmish together and then he takes me to a fancy restaurant before taking me back to his apartment. we make love that night (not sex or anything, it's a weird craft project that involves potatoes, crayons and a heck of a lot of glitter). i have a flight to catch the next morning. i pick up my bag of ingredients for gluten-free vegan bread and kraft™ singles and wak outside. he stops me, grabbing my shoulders, turning me around and kissing me. he tells me that he'll always love me and that he'll find a way to be with me. he takes me to the airport, tears streaming down his face as he kisses me good bye. on the plane, i realise that we'd forgotten to exchange numbers. one day, two years later, i comment on one of his videos with a joke i'd made about nick jonas on that fateful day that we'd met. he reads it and contacts me immediatly. we find a way for me to return to london and see him. he decides that he will pay for the flights since he is a millionare and i'm living the life of an ancient norweigan viking villager with nothing but the clothes on my back, the ingredients for gluten-free vegan bread and one (1) packet of kraft™ singles. oh yeah, and a phone with nick jonas's face. one week later, we are reunited. we kiss and talk about all of our lost time. we organise that we will have simple ham and cheese toasted sandwiches for dinner but we need cheese so decide to make a stop in tesco. phil looks nostalgic as we enter the dairy aisle, the same aisle we'd met in two years earlier. we approach the cheese. i go to get a packet of sliced cheese but i'm still too short. phil reaches up, grabs it and hands one (1) packet of kraft™ singles to me. i offer to carry them. we go through the checkout and he pays for them. i offer to carry the bag. he hands it to me. i walk away. he asks me what i'm doing. i don't reply. he asks me where i'm going. i don't reply. he yells for me to stop. i don't reply, instead, walking faster. his voice starts to fade. he yells that he loves me. i don't repsond. i've already found a bicycle to ride away on. i can hear him calling to me in the distance. i can hear him crying. i was his one true love, he'd offered to travel half-way around the world for me, he'd payed for me to travel 1500 kilometers for me, he'd spent years waiting for me when he didn't even know if i'd return. all i'd wanted was a second (2nd) packet of kraft™ singles.
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dnpgays · 8 years ago
Text
Cact us
Pairing: Dan Howell & Phil Lester
Summary: Space!dan gets a new neighbour who just happens to be a cute boy with a love for plants.
Word count: 11k
Genre: Fluff
Authors note: wow actual content? shit man
Read on Ao3 
Dan looked up at the stars that glimmered and lit up the dark never ending universe. The moon was full, it was the best thing ever in Dan’s opinion. It would be up there in most people’s opinion. It became a routine for Dan to sit on the roof until at least 12 am every night. Well, maybe except when the weather was horrible, but Dan always found beauty in the sky whether it was clear or not. Or even the rain splatter on the ground.
He heard shuffles from the neighbours house. Someone had apparently moved in earlier that day. The last people that lived there was an old couple, but when the man passed away and his poor wife was moved into a nursery home after they’d been married to him for 46 years. Dan had never really talked to them, but they seemed lovely.
Dan fished up his phone from his pocket. The bright screen informed him that it was 11 pm. He didn’t question why his new neighbour was out though, because he, himself was sat on the roof with his gaze up at the stars like a freak.
He averted his gaze up to the sky again and rested his head on the cold, hard tiles.A creaky door could be heard and Dan sat up to see who bothered him. There was someone in the greenhouse that the old couple had abounded.
It was too dark for Dan to see who the person was, but luckily for his curiosity, the person turned on a light. A single light bulb was hung from the ceiling in a rather aesthetic way. Dan had pictured a lady in her 40’s, but it was the quite opposite actually.
It was a guy who looked about 17 years old, just a year older than Dan who was 16. Ebony hair in addition to pink sweet lips. His royal blue hoodie was clearly over-sized because it covered almost his entire thighs, his hands were not to be seen. Dan smiled fondly at the new boy. The boy who looked so cute and excited as he started to clean out all leftovers from the past residents.
Dan found himself to not be bothered at all by this cute boy’s presence. Dan liked to look at the boy as he moved in and out of the greenhouse whilst humming at some song Dan didn’t recognise, though he couldn’t hear the hums when the boy was inside of the house.
After the greenhouse was fairly clean the boy turned around like he inspected his work before he smiled proudly. The boy looked down at his watch. The action got Dan curious, so he checked the time himself. It was 11:56 pm , Dan’s eyes widened. Time had gone by incredibly fast, he’d now spent 50 minutes of having his eyes glued at a stranger do gardening.
When Dan looked down again, the boy was gone. Perhaps it was weird for Dan to stare, but he didn’t give it much thought.  just put his foot on the crate that was placed perfectly to help him climb down from the roof. Luckily they only had one floor and a basement.
Dan entered his room through the window, he slid into his bed after he removed his pants and his jacket. He was very glad that he had the T-shirt he always slept in underneath, he’d also already brushed his teeth. It didn’t take long before he fell asleep.
The next morning Dan woke up to his little sister’s shouts directed at him. “Dan! Mom said that you’re gonna follow me over to the new neighbours!” Dan groaned and told her to shut up before actually he actually realised what she’d said. That could mean to talk to the plant boy which was both good and bad. Bad because Dan would totally mess it up, but good because he’d get to hear his voice, maybe even his name. Acquaintances is better than nothing right?
“Mom said that you had to, come on”, Dan’s 7 year old sister, Kayla demanded. She was fucking aggravating sometimes. Dan lifted his head to observe his sister in her baby blue caps with a neon pink dress which looked absolutely horrific together in Dan’s opinion.
“Okay, give me a second”, Dan answered with an eye roll. She told him to hurry up before she exited his room. Dan checked the notifications on his phone, (which was mainly videos from his favourite youtubers, some likes on his recent Instagram photo and one lonely note from tumblr) before he got up.
Dan put his earplugs in his ears and pressed play on his favourite playlist on Spotify before he walked into the hallway because obviously his room had to be the furthest away from the bathroom
She take my money when I’m in need Yeah she’s a trifling friend indeed Oh she’s a gold digger way over town.
That digs on me
Dan lip synced whilst he moved his head to the music. He ignored the glance from his mother as he slipped into the bathroom. He visibly cringed at his hair when he looked in the mirror, he immediately got out his hair brush to started to push it down. When it looked decent, he got a pair of black skinny jeans out of the drawer and put it on with only slight struggles.
“Dan, you’re so slow”, Kayla complained. Dan pulled on a black hoodie that fit his aesthetic before he brushed his teeth very quickly. He almost forgot to put on deodorant even. He took a final look in the mirror. When he opened the door he hadn’t expected his little sister to be standing right outside which lead to almost hitting her with the door.
“Fucking hell!” Dan cursed, which made his mom cough, she gave him a stern look. “Sorry”, Dan muttered as he took Kayla’s hand and started to drag her to the door. He put on his shoes before he helped Kayla put on her shoes. Then he opened the white door that leads out of their house. They both said goodbye to their mom before they left.
The cold winter air hit him in the face and the sun blinded him. It was nice though, they hadn’t really had nice weather in the UK for a while. Dan still preferred the cold nights and the moon’s reflection on the sea, he could spot from his spot on the roof.
“Dan! Look how pretty the flowers are!”, Kayla exclaimed in an amazed tone. Dan adverted his gaze from right in front of him to where his sister was obnoxiously pointing. The flowers weren’t on anyone’s property, but in front of a tiny park. “Can we please make flower crowns?” Kayla pleaded.
Dan looked at the time only to find out that it was 1:07 pm, still pretty early in his opinion. It wouldn’t hurt would it? “Sure”, Dan answered and chucked at his sister’s excitement. She’s the type of person who gets excited about everything. She had already started to run towards the dainty flowers, so Dan decided to follow. Perhaps he should try to make a flower crown himself? Better than to just sit and watch Kayla do it.
About 15 minutes later they both had a flower crown each. Kayla handed Dan her caps and placed the flower crown over her loose, long, blonde braids. She smiled up at Dan and he poked her pimple. She looked much better without the caps in Dan’s judgement. With her white converse, scratched up knees and the pink dress that was cut off right above her knees in addition to the flower crown she looked pretty good.
“Come on”, Dan said and took her small hand in his. They started to walk towards their new neighbours house. Dan could feel butterflies in his stomach as he thought about talking to the gorgeous boy from the night before.
“There’s two sons”, Kayla informed him. Dan gave her a questioning look in response. “Our new neighbours, they have two sons”, She explained further.
“Is that so?” Dan asked only slightly interested. Kayla nodded her head and started to walk faster, dragging Dan with her. He didn’t even question how she already knew who lived there, maybe he should just listen more to what people tell him. More cars were passed by than normal and Dan supposed there was something special that happened locally.
Kayla slightly skipped into the driveway without hesitation and Dan took a quick breath before he followed her. She stopped right in front of the door and turned around to face Dan. She mockingly checked her non-existent watch whilst Dan walked slowly towards her. The house was white and only a little bigger than Dan’s.
Once Dan was right in front of the door Kayla knocked. Her weak knuckles made way too little noise for anyone more than a meter away to hear, so Dan took it upon himself to knock again which earned a glare from Kayla. They heard footsteps from inside and Dan felt like he had a whole zoo in his stomach.
The door opened and the boy Dan had seen the day before stuck his head out before he smiled. He carefully opened the door completely. “Hello” The guy said enthusiastically. Dan could see him better now in the daylight, he wasn’t disappointed.
He had a white knitted sweater, which was just big enough for him to have sweater paws in addition to light grey sweatpants. His soft features were so much more beautiful close-up. Dan could see his pink, sweet lips and his milky skin perfectly. He could feel his ocean eyes on him.
“Hey! We’re your neighbours” Kayla said. The boy’s smile grew even more. “I’m Kayla” She informed and looked expectantly up at Dan.
“Um.. Hi, I’m D-Dan” He inhaled deeply “Dan Howell” He said quietly. He coughed before he continued. “We just um.. wanted to w-welcome you” Dan cursed himself for not being able to talk properly and pressed his nails into the wrist of his left hand which was still had a hold on Kayla’s cap.
“Thank you, I’m Phil Lester” He smiled before he looked down at Kayla. “I love your flower crown Kayla, it’s so cute” He complimented which made Kayla beam. She straightened the purple and yellow crown before she looked down at her other crown.
“We made two, you can have one?” She offered before she looked back up at him. Phil accepted and keeled for Kayla to put it on top of his head. It took everything for Dan to not to throw himself over Phil right there and then because he was completely sure that Phil with a flower crown was the prettiest thing on the entire earth.
“I love it, what do you think Dan?” He giggled. Dan just kept quiet because how do you speak when the most beautiful man with the most adorable giggle says your name in the softest way. He just nodded as he smiled awkwardly. Phil leaned on the door with elbow on the handle with his head rested in his hand.
Dan looked past Phil and inside the house, it was pretty empty with many boxes and bags. Phil saw where Dan looked which made him cringe. “It’s really boring and messy right now” Phil sighed, like it was something to be ashamed of that they weren’t completely done furnishing after they’d moved in the day before.
“We should probably go now,” Dan mumbled. Kayla frowned, but took his hand as a sign that she was ready to go either way. They both said goodbye to Phil almost embarrassingly at the same time.
“Goodbye, thank you for the flower crown” Answered Phil and smiled brightly. Dan had to stop himself from staring at him for too long. Kayla told him that it was no problem and started to walk away with Dan right behind her.
“He was awesome!” Kayla exclaimed when they were in their own driveway.
“Yeah, he was” Dan answered dreamily and looked up at the sky. He thought about Phil’s smile, his blue eyes and how the fact that he’d do willingly let Kayla put the flower crown on top of his head was adorable. When Dan realised that he’d slowed down his pace quite a bit and that his sister was gone, probably, hopefully inside their house he blushed.
He walked around with a stranger in mind, that was just strange, even for Dan. He couldn’t help it though. He cringed of how cheesy his thoughts were. Phil was the kind of guy that everyone would either date or be friends with. His smile makes you wanna smile and he’s tall, but at the same time small body, made you want to embrace him and protect him.
Dan opened the door to his house and was greeted by his mom. He put Kayla’s cap on the table and ran a hand through his hair. “Daniel, can you be any slower?” She teased. Dan kicked off his shoes and hurried into the kitchen where he smelled pancakes.
“I suppose if I really tried” Dan replied sarcastically. Kayla was sat by the wooden table with a dirty plate and a satisfied grin on her face. “You couldn’t wait two minutes until I came” Dan questioned annoyed. He really didn’t care, but he knew that if it was Kayla who’d came home late, he’d never get to eat before she was there.
“Oh come on Dan, she was hungry” His mom informed which made Dan roll his eyes. “Plus, we have your favourite” She said cheerfully and tousled his hair. He wasn’t stupid enough to not know that it was in fact, Kayla who’d begged her for pancakes.
They ate and had a conversation about boring stuff that Dan didn’t take a big part in. He hated small talk. It’d been much better before Kayla came into the picture. He wished she’d never entered their lives, but it was too late, he was attached and would never want to lose her at that point.
4 years ago, Dan’s dad had died of a drug overdose and his mother had reacted by coming home drunk almost every night for 8 months. After that she’d slowly, but surely started to drink less and become more herself. All the alcohol and the days she’d taken off work, which made them lose a lot of money, not that they had much before.
After a year Dan supposed she just needed something to fill the hole in her heart, which made her adopt Kayla from Somalia. Dan had tried to protest, but it didn’t work. Kayla costed them money, his mom got even even more frustrated and she started to drink again. Dan had to look after Kayla all the time because their mom was never home. He was still 13 mind you. When their mom started to get her shit together their relationship was stronger than ever and neither of them had the heart to give Kayla back. It still happened that their mom came home drunk or high times to times, but it was rare.
“I’m gonna go up to my room” Dan stated and picked up his plate. He covered it in soap and started to wash it with a cloth.
“That’s okay, I can take it” His mom said and stood up with her own plate. Normally Dan would refuse, but today he just really wanted to get to his room and be alone. He thanked his mom and rushed out of the kitchen after he dried his wet hands. He was about to enter his room when he saw someone in the neighbours garden.
It was Phil and a boy who looked a couple years younger. Dan remembered that Kayla said that they were two sons and assumed that the other son was him. There was also a girl who stood with her head on Phil’s shoulder. Dan felt jealous and instantly disliked towards the girl. The younger boy played soccer, whilst Phil and the girl watched. They looked like they had a good time, even the girl despise how tired she looked.
Dan continued to walk into his room. He wished his family could be all perfect and happy. His dad tried to get him to play sports and Dan used to tell his friends how much he hated his dad for that. You don’t really notice how much someone means to you until they’re gone. It wasn’t like he didn’t support him when Dan had played piano or won over him in mario kart. Dan knew now how good of a father he really was, even though he had small flaws, but it was too late.
Dan sat down on his bed with his laptop. He had a message from his best friend Chris. It a question about their homework of course. He never missed a class, but that didn’t mean that he ever actually paid attention. He’d been lucky and shared the majority of his classes with his best friend, but it came with a couple disadvantages.
Chris: Hi, where we allowed to write about whatever we wanted to in literature?
Dan: What are you talking about? We’re currently learning about Shakespare you walnut
Chris: Harassment
Dan rolled his eyes and shut his computer. He got his canvas from under his bed. He’s barley started to paint a star constellation before he got too tired the other day. He normally pained when he was outside at night, but sometimes when he got bored he just googled a picture. He got up his white, purple, dark blue and black painting. He shared his favourite brushes with Kayla and since they were not in their usual place he supposed that she’d taken them. He was too lazy to go out of his room again so he settled for the slightly shittier brushes.
An hour later he had a complete drawing of Aquila. He wasn’t completely satisfied, but he didn’t really care. It wasn’t like he was going to do anything with them. He’d drawn digital drawings before and put them on tumblr or taken an aesthetic picture with the canvas or his painting book and done the same, but that was just something he did sometimes when he was extra proud. He had a couple paintings hanging on his walls as well, including his own star sign Gemini.
He started a new to paint of something he’d read a lot about recently, black holes. Or at least what they think black holes looks like. It fascinated him, but he always had to take a break from when he read about it because of the headaches he got.
Suddenly he heard rain spatter on his window. Luckily it didn’t seem like it was too much so he just continued to paint whilst he listened to sign of the times by Harry Styles. The rain and the song sounded absolutely beautiful together and he got a boost of creativity. He saw his phone light up and he wanted to ignore it because he didn’t want to get out of his ‘zone’, but his curiosity got the best of him.
Chris: I’m bored talk to me
Dan: I’m busy painting you dickhole
He put down his phone and started to paint again. He and Chris were always playfully arguing and hated each other, but he didn’t know what he’d do without him and PJ. Chris responded after just 30 seconds.
Chris: My feelings :(
Dan: Go talk to PJ or smth
Dan’s friends knew that sometimes he needed some time alone. They had gladly listened to him when he explained 'the spoon theory’ by Christine Miserandino. If only Chris would’ve paid that much attention in class. They were the best friends you could ever wish for though. Dan used to be a loser with no friends, but when he became friends with Chris and PJ he learned to not take other’s shit. He wasn’t exactly popular though, not that he ever wanted to be.
Dan remembered that he’d gotten 20 pounds from his grandma when she visited the week before and decided to get some snacks at the closest gas station. He moved the books that he’d hidden his money behind. He knew his sister all too well.
“Mom, I’m gonna go to the gas station, I’ll be back soon!” Dan shouted before he got his jacket shoes. His jacket was waterproof because of the weather and had small planets on his left chest. His shoes were completely black with small stars dotted on the sides. He’d started to wear space stuff because he really liked space, but before he knew it his whole wardrobe was full of space. His friends called him a space freak and nerd all the time. It was like an inside joke though.
“Okay, see you later!” His mom called back. Dan checked his reflection in the mirror before he went outside. It was now rain pouring down from the sky and it was much colder than when they’d gone outside a couple hours earlier. Dan loved the cold rain against his bare skin. He looked over to the neighbours house that he had to walk past to get to the gas station. Phil, the young boy and the girl were still there.
They all played basketball this time. All of them had a hoodie that protected most of their hair from the rain. Phil was piggybacking the girl and they looked like they had very much fun. Dan still felt the jealousy in his stomach, but Phil’s bright smile and his laughter kind of made up for it. Dan fought a smile that tried to form on his lips. It looked weird to walk around with a smile on your lips for no reason. Dan found that sad, why can’t people walk around smiling brightly if they’re happy?
He started walking on the pavement. His flat shoes made a loud sound when he stepped on the asphalt. He got wetter and wetter for every second. His hair was sticking to his face and some hair even got in his eyes. Dan was in the middle of wondering if the government were going into people’s houses to steal socks and umbrellas for their lizard homes when he heard his name being called. He looked awkwardly to all sorts of directions before realising it was Phil who was staring straight at him with a smile plastered on his face. Dan waved and smiled at him and he made a waving motion with his index finger as a sign for Dan to come over.
Dan walked the last 20 meters before he was standing right in front of Phil’s house, right in front of Phil. He was seeing his beautiful figure once again perfectly. His hair was wet and sticking to his face too, but he was wearing a sweatshirt which covered his hair. “Do you always wear oversized sweaters in different colours?” Dan questioned playfully.
“Hi, I’m Jessica Lester. I’m Phil’s cousin” Dan heard from his side, it was the girl that Dan had thought was Phil’s girlfriend. It felt like a hundred weights had been lifted off Dan’s chest. “Phil’s a bit of a pussy sometimes” She said and laughed, which earned a punch from Phil. She pouted and held a hand over where Phil had punched her.
“Am not,” He said and looked challenging up at her. She just chuckled and ruffled his hair. “Jessica, this is Dan- our neighbour” Phil explained and pointed over to Dan’s house. Phil looked back at Dan again. “No, I wear other stuff, but it’s cold” He answered to the question Dan had almost forgotten that he ever asked.
“That’s okay, I l-like it” Dan said quietly which earned a blush from Phil. Jessica put two fingers in her mouth and pretend like she retched before she walked away. “I’m going to the gas station” Dan paused and inhaled before he continued. “- and I wondered if you wanted to join, maybe? I understand if you don’t want to. Like you barely know me” Dan rambled
Phil giggled and nodded his head eagerly. “Wait a minute,” he said before running inside of the house and exiting with an umbrella. Then he waved to the others before he looked expectantly at Dan. He just stood there awkwardly in response. “I don’t know where it is” Phil reminded him and Dan blushed as he started to walk. Phil followed just by his side so his umbrella covered Dan too.
“Tell me about yourself then” Dan said, genuinely curious about Phil. He was also a fan of Phil’s voice. In one way it was deep, but then it would go very light and it was always soft. Dan found himself wanting to hear Phil’s morning voice, his voice when he was scared, his voice when he was really happy. He wanted to hear Phil’s voice whispering things in his ear.
“Well, I’m 17 and I just moved from Manchester to here. The two people with me with back there” He pointed behind him with his thumb. “-was my cousin Jessica who’s from Canada and my little brother Eric. Jessica is going back to Canada tomorrow though” Phil informed and frowned when he said that last part. From what Dan had seen the two seemed close and Canada and England was a great distance apart. “You?”. Dan looked questioningly at Phil. “Tell me something about yourself” He explained.
“Well, I’m 16 and I’ve always lived here,” Dan said bluntly. He tried to think about other stuff, but he couldn’t recall anything. He was a tad bit different than the majority people at his school, but he wasn’t going to introduce himself with, 'Hi, I’m Dan, I’m obsessed with space, I have crippling depression also I have a thing for dicks’, so he just left it at that.
“Is Kayla your sister?” Phil questioned. Dan turned to look at him, they made eye contact and held it for a while before Dan slowly nodded before he shifted his gaze to in front of him again. The rain was making loud noise as it hit the umbrella, some weak raindrops hit them in the face because of the small wind. “She’s cute” Phil complimented.
“She is,” Dan agreed. They arrived at the small gas station a few moments after walking in silence for a while. It was a mix of awkward and comfortable silence, Dan was mostly busy trying to think of things to say. They walked under the roof in front of the station and Phil took down his wet umbrella.
Phil started to walk in, Dan follows right behind. When Dan got in only a few seconds after Phil, he was standing by some flowers in a corner. Dan walked up to him. “Calla Lily” He said once he noticed Dan. Phil looked up at him. “They symbolise magnificence and beauty” He said whilst looking straight into Dan’s eyes.
“Which flowers are those” Dan asked as he pointed over to some white flowers in the middle of a nicely put together bouquet.
“Those are called star of Bethlehem and they symbolise hope” Phil answered and softly touched the petals of the small flowers.
“You know a lot about flowers?” Dan said more like a question than a statement. He could see the passion and love for flowers in Phil’s eyes. The same he’d seen from a distance the first time Dan had watched him in the greenhouse. It was really true what people say, people do look the best when they’re talking about something they love.
“Yeah, they are so beautiful though. I didn’t even learn the name and meaning to like every flower or plant on purpose, I just looked them up, now they’re all glued to my brain” Phil explained. Then he looked over at Dan, he was surprised when he saw that he actually looked interested so he continued. “My grandma and I used to plant flowers together, so when she died and I had to look up flowers for her funeral, I just kinda fell down a hole"Phil said as he smiled sadly.
"Oh, I’m sorry about your grandma” Dan said. He never knew how to respond to stuff like that. It was always so awkward, the brunette felt bad for Phil, and every other person who has or will ever tell him sad stuff.
“Well, at least something good came out of it” Phil said, he inhaled before smiling again. Dan admired his optimism. This guy seemed so down to earth whilst still making Dan feel like he was so small, like Phil was some type of God.
“Yeah” Dan responded. Phil turned around and started to walk towards the section with candy. Dan followed right behind as Phil picked up two ice creams . “What do you need two ice creams for when it’s raining outside and well, you’re one person?” Dan questioned once he was close enough.
“Ice cream is always good despite the weather. The other one is for you” Phil answered whilst he was still not looking up at Dan. He turned to go straight to the checkout before Dan could protest. He just followed shyly. Phil turned around and handed Dan one of the ice creams. “I hope you like chocolate” He smiled.
“You really didn’t have to do that” Dan said truthfully. He was the one that had invited Phil plus, they had just moved out so Dan assumed that they shouldn’t just throw money around. He shouldn’t either, but Phil was worth it.
“Shut up” Phil responded, he began to walk towards the exit.
“Isn’t it too cold to eat ice cream outside?” Dan questioned, he was not moving, at least not before Phil turned to glare at him with his head tilted slightly to the side. When they went outside Dan was surprised to find out that there was almost no rain pouring from the clouds, but the wind made his hair stand straight up. Dan put a hand on his hair to keep it down and playfully shoved Phil who was laughing at him. He envied Phil’s hair which look perfect.
They sat down on a bench right outside the gas station and started to eat their ice cream. Dan looked over at Phil. Studied his features closely. Phil looked back at him, which made Dan move his gaze to his shoes. He had been caught. Phil just laughed though.
Dan finished his ice cream fast enough and looked over at Phil, who had much left. “Jesus Phil hurry up” He groaned.
Phil playfully pouted. “Aren’t you enjoying your time here with me Dan?” He questioned. Dan just scoffed, of course he was, but he couldn’t stare at Phil for an entirety. Even though he’d like to. All of a sudden they heard a phone ring. Phil fished up his iPhone and groaned.
“Hi mom” pause. “We’ve only been here for like 40 minutes or something.” Pause. “Okay, sure. Bye” Phil put his phone back in his pocket again and sat down next to Dan. A little closer than they had originally.
“My mom is on her way home from the city and she would pick me up on her way home now” He frowned and looked Dan in the eyes which made Dan’s breath hitch. Goddamn Phil. “I’m sure she would drive you too” He added.
Dan was just about to say yes to the offer, but when he gave it more thought an awkward car ride with some dude he just met’s mother didn’t seem very tempting. “I’ll walk, I like to walk anyway” Dan said and smiled up at Phil who’d just stood up.
Phil handed Dan his umbrella. “Just in case it starts to rain” He explained. Dan was just about to protest when Phil continued. “You can give it back to me at my birthday tomorrow 5'o clock.” He gave Dan a quick hug. Dan completely melted in his arms as he wished that the hug would never end. He jumped when he heard a car horn from behind Phil. Phil pulled back and waved at his mother in the car. “It’s just a few, I don’t have enough friends to have a proper party”, he said before turning around and climbing into the car.
Dan hated how smooth Phil was whilst he was just as awkward he’d even been. Actually, even more, because he’d never properly felt like that about anyone. That thought scared him. He got up his headphones and played some music. He almost crashed with an old lady on her way out of the station. She was out of the way before Dan could apologise so he just started to walk again.
When Dan arrived at his home it was 18:30 and his leg hurt after he’d fell. It was completely that biker’s fault. He sighed and opened google. 'How do you know if you’re in love?’ he typed in and pressed enter. He scrolled a little before he found a random forum where someone had asked the same.
Dan read through the answers they’d gotten. 'You get hella butterflies in your stomach and when they’re gone, it’s like you’re lost idek it sounds cheesy.’ That was kind of how Dan felt. He felt nervous, but exited in a completely unique way, everything except Phil seemed boring.
'You always feel protected when you’re around them, but at the same time so vulnerable. You just want to spend the rest of your life with them and talk to them all the time’ Another answer said. Dan could relate to all of this, it was scary in all honesty. He didn’t know Phil. Phil could be a serial killer for all he knew. Dan wanted nothing more than to get to know him further though.
He looked at himself in the mirror as he thought about it. He thought about him and Phil together as a couple, he thought about himself having a crush on his neighbour, he thought about himself being in love with his neighbour. It was a little too much for him. He’d even contemplated being aro before.
He shook his head before looking out the window. It was starting to get dark, the rain had completely stopped. Dan got his galaxy backpack to fill it with his sketchbook, his phone charger, a power bank, his pens and 0,5 l rabina. Then he proceeded to climb out of his window to go up on the roof.
He could see Phil in the greenhouse again, filling it with various plants. Dan must admit he was pretty impressed over the older boy. The way he so carefully put all the plants in its place. Dan felt that stupid warmth over his whole body and those damned butterflies in his stomach. “Damn you Phil Lester” Dan whispered.
He watched Phil for a few moments before he started to sketch the scenery. Dan got tired of drawing the scenery, or rather, he inched to draw the boy next door. He refused, he was up there to get his head away from all the Phil bullshit, but it wouldn’t hurt to take inspiration from his eyes would it?
Dan ended up with a mess of a drawing. It was blue, green and yellow. Stars were dotted randomly around the canvas. Dan picked up his thinnest brush to paint the word 'limerence’ all over it. He added a few strokes of some other colours before he looked down at the older boy again. He smiled adoringly at him as he small danced around with his headphones. “Ethereal” He whispered to himself before he lay down to watch the stars.
Dan laid down like normal whilst listening to Phil’s gardening and occasional humming. When Phil went inside about 10 pm he put in his earplugs though. He suddenly remembered that there was a total solar eclipse the day after the next day. He smiled brightly at the thought. It was something that only happened every 18 months on average.
He continued thinking about the moon (and a certain figurative star). When it was 11:30 he decided to go inside, it was much earlier than usual, but to be honest, he just couldn’t wait to see Phil the next day. He laid down in bed with a smile plastered on his lips. He strongly believed that love at first sight wasn’t possible, but just because the ship isn’t completely underwater doesn’t mean that it’s not a problem when it’s sinking. Sinking into the depths of a certain neighbours smile and his eyes.
 The next morning the brunette woke up at 10 am. He laid in bed for twenty minutes before he finally decided to get up. He didn’t bother to put on pants mainly because he really needed to pee, so he just walked out of his room in a T-shirt. That wasn’t unusual, what was unusual though was that they had a guest. A strange man sat in the room accompanied by Kayla and their mom. They were laughing and drinking something hot.  
Dan rushed to the bathroom. Luckily he had a pair of jeans that were fairly clean so he just put those on after he’d peed. The black skinny jeans and his black t-shirt made him look like he was going to a funeral which wasn’t his moms favourite thing, but he figured that she couldn’t complain since she hadn’t told him about a visitor.
He went to the doorway and looked his family. The house seemed warmer than usual and he wasn’t even sure if he meant the actual temperature or just the atmosphere. “Hey Daniel” His mom greeted when she noticed him in the doorway. “This is John” She introduced the man next to her.
“Good morning mom” He answered before he turned to John. “Hi, I’m Dan nice to meet you” He smiled polity. Kayla didn’t even notice that he had entered, because she was engrossed in drawing. She showed John her drawing excitingly and he laughed at something she whispered to him. It was ages since things had been so happy in their house and Dan took an instant liking to whoever that John guy was for that reason.
He got some cereal from the kitchen. He rolled his eyes when he realised that the milk wasn’t in the fridge, but rather on the counter. “Kayla remember to put in the milk!” He yelled to his sister. She groaned in response. The hot milk made the cereal taste bad, so after a couple spoons Dan decided that he was better without. He washed the bowl and wiped his wet fingers on a town next to the sink.
Just when he was about to escape to his room he heard his moms easily recognisable steps behind him so he turned. “I’m sorry for not warning you about that” She said with an apologetic smile and pointed to the living room behind her with her thumb.
“No, it’s fine, don’t worry” Dan answered and looked over her shoulder. “Who is he?” He quizzed. His mom visibly tensed up and sighed. Laughter and banter could be heard from behind them as the sun shines through the open windows. Dan had goosebumps because of the cold, but was enjoying the fresh air.
“It’s a guy I met on an app a couple weeks ago. I know it’s a bit weird, but he was in the area so I decided why not invite him over for some coffee?” She informed. Right after Dan’s dad had died the thought of his mother finding a new man had terrified him, but now it excited him. Dan voiced his feelings and got a hug in response.
When Dan was in his room, he took the opportunity to catch up on his favourite youtubers. He loaded the subscriptions tab and saw that Chris had uploaded a video with PJ called kickthestickz. He clicked on the video and his best friends’ faces appeared on the screen. It was a sketch kind off mocking their shippers and the fan fiction writers. Dan took very offence to the video as he was a kickthestickz shipper himself. So he opened a new tab and typed in 'kickthestickz smut’ into the search bar. When he’s found a fairly disturbing one he copied it and sent it to their group-chat. He got a response right way.
Chris: Ew wtf Dan
PJ: I will personally come over there and strangle u
He snickered before continuing binge watching YouTube videos and a random show on Netflix. Suddenly it was 4 pm and Dan decided that it was time for him to get ready. He replaced his eclipse T-shirt with a white button-up. He decided to keep his black jeans because they could be worn pretty much everywhere with anything. Phil had said that it wasn’t a “proper party”.
He went into the bathroom. On his way he realised that he neither his mom nor Kayla was home. He couldn’t recall them telling him about leaving anytime, but it wasn’t rare, so the brunette didn’t really pay it much thought as he started brushing his teeth. The butterflies in his stomach were going crazy when he thought of the party.
He finished brushing his teeth and wiped off all the toothpaste around his mouth with his sleeve. The sound of the washing machine and some children yelling outside filled the silence as he was staring at himself in the mirror. His slightly bloodshot eyes with bags under them staring right back at him. He kind of liked his eyes, but he admired how people like Phil’s eyes change colour depending on the lighting.
Just when he thought he was ready, he remembered that he hadn’t bought a present. He cursed silently to himself before he got an idea. He rushed to his room and got out a box from under his bed. He removed the cover and got out a painting of a sunrise. It was detailed with sunbeams and an orange tint. Then he picked up another painting of an explosion in space. It was a dark blue background with a blight blue explosion plus stars dotted around.
He looked frantically around after wrapping paper without success so he took a brown paper bad and hoped that it was enough. He put the two paintings inside the bag carefully. Outside the bag he wrote 'to Phil, thank you for inviting me and happy birthday! From Dan’ and drew some flowers quickly, noting in his head that he should draw plants for Phil sometime. He wanted to write something a bit more quirky, but after all they’d just had 2 conversations and he didn’t want to be rude.
He didn’t think it was a good present, he wasn’t that self obsessed, but he didn’t really have many options. It was 4:45 when he was done with that. Phil never said if they were going to eat at his, but just in case not Dan took an apple. Yogurt wasn’t tempting considering that he still had the minty toothpaste taste in his mouth. Not the apple either, but it was the better alternative.
Dan took on his jacket and shoes before taking a step outside with the gift in his hand. The grass outside his house was covered in a thin layer of frost, but the sun was shining brightly. When he looked over to Phil’s house he saw just what he’d seen the other days except now there was another grey cheap-looking car in their driveway. He started to walk towards the ebony haired boys house whilst he took in the fresh air and let the sun warm his little amount of exposed skin.
He took the few steps hesitantly up to Phil’s driveway. When he reached the door, he noticed that they luckily had gotten a doorbell. The doorbell made a soft clinging noise, but presumably loud enough for anyone in the house to hear. Dan nervously counted 15 seconds before the door opened. He was greeted with Phil’s bright smile which both calmed him down and made things worse.
“Happy birthday!” Dan exclaimed, and was taken aback by Phil eho wrapped his arms around him. He soon enough thawed in Phil’s embrace. Phil pulled back after a couple seconds and Dan tried his hardest to hide his disappointment. “Here I brought you something,” He said and handed the black-haired boy the bag with the paintings.
Phil had a pink dad-cap placed on his head, showing just the fringe and the front of his short sides. He noticed that he had one pretty red rose earring in his left ear. His lips looked extra pink except it didn’t look like he had any makeup on. He looked extremely calm and looking at him calmed Dan instantly. Often when Dan saw attractive boys he would feel lust, Phil was still hot, but at that moment he just wanted to softly kiss the boy and to melt in his arms.
“Thank you Dan, but my birthday isn’t before January, I’m just celebrating it now because Jessica is here,” Phil said and moved so he was standing with his back touching the door and his hand motioning for him to enter their still mess of a house. Dan was surprised to see how far they’d come though. “We’ll be in the living room, we’re almost done there” Phil said nicely. Dan followed him into the light themed room.
The walls were white and there were two colourful sheer chairs. The couch looked modern with a light grey shade fabric. The black table right in front of the sofa was covered in a big pizza. In the sofa Jessica and another guy Dan had never seen before were sat chatting about something clearly funny.
Jessica looked up from the boy and met Dan’s gaze. “Hi Dan” She greeted cheerfully.
“Hello Jessica” Dan responded shyly. Jessica had her long ginger hair in two space buns in addition to makeup that did a poor job at hiding her freckles. She had a white plain dress with a red rose on a pocket that was placed on her left chest. It was pretty clear that she was related to Phil. The boy by her side had tan skin with brown hair and brown eyes. He had a black button-up with black jeans and his wrists were covered in some bracelets.
“This is my boyfriend Brendan” Jessica informed him. Dan introduced himself to the brunette. Brendan offered him a warm smile before he shuffled a little closer to Jessica and put his arm lazily around her waist.
“Do you like veggie pizza? I’m vegetarian, so- um” Phil asked seemingly ashamed. Dan wasn’t that surprised, Phil seemed like he cared about animals (or generally just everything) very much. Dan had even considered it himself, but he didn’t have the willpower to stop eating the meat he loved so much. He just nodded in response to the question.
Phil patted his shoulder and went to sit down next to Brendan. Dan followed him like a lost puppy and sat down beside him. Luckily the sofa wasn’t the biggest, he enjoyed the closeness. The shoulder touching and the heat radiating from the ebony haired boy. The birthday boy took a piece of the pizza and motioned for the others to do the same. Phil moaned at the first bite, which sent shivers down Dan’s spine. “I’ll just cheekily open the presents now whilst we eat” Phil said with a grin.
“You’re so damn impatient, I swear you’re a child” Jessica chuckled. Phil hit her playfully in the arm before standing up and getting two presents. One of them being from Dan. He could feel his hands getting clammy and his heart beating faster than it already was. Luckily Phil began to open the other one first. It was neatly wrapped in turquoise wrapping paper. It looked gorgeous next to Dan’s dull brown bag.
Phil opened the gift carefully. The first thing he picked up was a small plastic card. “A gift card to the flower store” He giggled. “Thank you”
“There’s one more thing” Jessica said like he didn’t already know. Phil picked up the next item. It was a black T-shirt with some thick, slight lighter shade of black stripes going vertically. It was intentionally oversized. He hated it when he bought a shirt and it was too big. It always exposed too much of his neck. If Phil’s expression was anything to go by, it looked like he quite liked it.
“Try it on” Brendan demanded excitedly. The boy didn’t object and unexpectedly pulled his blue sweater over his head. Dan totally understood and respected that some people were more open than others. He’d never had a problem with that, but when it’s your crush it’s kind of a problem. Dan let his eyes wander over the boy’s chest. He tried not to, he really did. He observed the small soft-looking hairs and his broad shoulders.
Only a few seconds later the new T-shirt was loosely hanging over his chush’s body. It looked very good on him. Though Brendan beat him to voice that opinion. The comment made Phil beam. “Thank you” Phil responded shyly. The look he gave the guy made Dan jealous and he hoped that he got flustered by the compliment rather than the person it came from. “And now from Dan” Phil’s expression changed from shy to a smirk in just a moment.
The brunette chuckled and informed Phil that it was a bad last minute gift. The only response he got was a dismissive hand gesture. Phil read the note on the bag out loud, which made him smile up at Dan. “Well, thank you for coming” He said with his head tilted a little. He looked down at the bag again. “The rose is beautiful” He complimented, at least sounding genuine. His slim fingers gently opened the decorated bag. Dan studied his expressing as he held a breath.
It was a pleasant surprise when Phil’s eyes lit up. The corner of his lips twitched as he grabbed the top of one of the canvases. He pulled it slowly out like he was teasing Dan, who was trying to calm his nerves. Phil’s little smile turned into a big and bright one when he finally took a look at the sunrise painted on the 10 x 15 cm canvas. “Did you paint this?” He asked with a glint in his eyes. The brunette nodded shyly.
“Oh my god Dan, I love it!” The boy exclaimed, he excitedly pulled out the other painting. His mouth opened as he looked up at Dan again. He placed the gifts carefully on the ground before hurrying to where his neighbour was sat. He embraced him with his hands on Dan’s hips, Dan was caught off guard, but placed his hands around Phil’s neck. If he wasn’t caught off guard then, he sure was when Phil sat down beside him without letting go, with his left leg around Dan. “I love it so much” He informed Dan with the sweetest of voices. Then he pulled back, and looked his friend in the eyes for a few seconds.
Dan felt heat storming to his cheeks. “Thank you,” he said as he ducked his head. The butterflies in his tummy were now impossible to ignore. When Phil looked at him, he felt this strange pang in his chest. Like someone just shot him with a water gun. The jet being very strong, of course. The birthday boy picked up a pizza piece and started biting down on it.
The conversation went easily when Dan forgot his anxious thoughts, he learned loads of new stuff about the boy. Including his full name (which Dan had teased him about, but Phil got his revenge once Dan mentioned his full name), who his old friend used to be, when his birthday was and even heard a story about his ex-boyfriend at some point. All the, probably useless information clung to his brain even though he was really bad at listening. Apparently everything about Phil was stupidly sticking to his brain.
Dan looked out of the window, his eyes widened when he saw that the sun was just minuets from down. The problem with that was that he had been dying to see the total eclipse for so long and he was planning on staying on the roof all night and watch as it happened the next day. He didn’t want to miss it because of some stupid crush. The fact that he was even considering it told him how much he liked the boy though. “Er- I have to go” He spoke up in the middle of Brendan’s sentence.
All three looked up at him with small frowns on their faces, but Phil looked extra disappointed. It made Dan feel bad, it was his birthday after all. “I’ll follow you to the door” Phil announced. That was just normal manners, but a weird manner. Dan knew very well how to get out of a house himself, though spending more time (despite it just being seconds)with his crush was not something he’d object to. Phil got up and started following Dan once he was on his feet. By the time they’d reached the door the sun was almost completely gone. “Can I ask why you had to leave all of a sudden?” He suddenly asks shyly.
Dan hesitates before sighing deeply. “It’s kinda weird really” He admits. “Like nerdy?” He continued more like a question than anything else. Phil furrowed his brows whilst giving Dan a questioning look. “I- well- uh-” He stutters wondering if there’s any way to make it sound cool. “Basically, there’s an eclipse tomorrow. I love space and was planning on staying awake to watch the stars and then the sun set and eh- stuff. I really don’t wanna miss it” He blurts out. He internally cringed at how he worded the sentence, definitely not cool.
“Can I join you?” Phil asks quietly. The most shy Dan had ever seen him actually. He contemplates it. Watching the pretty miracle with someone who was a pretty miracle himself. Both on the inside and outside. He wasn’t opposed to that. Another side-effect Phil had on him was that he actually felt lonely when he was without the ebony-haired boy. Usually he preferred to be alone.
Dan didn’t respond. At least not with words, he just grabbed his neighbours hand, and dragged him with him. He did something between speed-walking and running as they both giggled, he ignored Phil’s questions. Only focusing on where his feet landed next, on his hand that was intertwined with Phil’s and on the beautiful sky. He forgot his dad, he forgot money, he forgot unfinished school work. It was like feeling the butterflies in his stomach fly to make a beautiful mix of colours. Like a cheesy Disney film. He felt the cool air on his face and his feet hurt a little from banging against the hard ground.
They quickly arrived outside Dan’s house and the brunette lead him to the crate. “Follow me Lester” he demanded with a assuring smile. He then started to climb up easily, like he’d done everyday-ish for 4 years. He looked down at Phil, who was biting his lip nervously. Dan held out a helping hand, which he gladly accepted. The boy hesitantly stepped up on the crate. That was easy enough, but Dan still felt his grip on his hand getting tighter and heard his breath getting shaky. “Are you scared of heights?” He questioned.
Phil just pursed his lips as he looked at the roof with a stubborn look. Then he reached up and gripped the edge, but instead of dragging himself up like you’d expect, he just sighed in defeat. “Kinda”, he then admitted shamefully. Dan just smiled kindly at him though, he jumped down again to help his new friend. The sun was not to be seen anymore, and the stars were all around them.
“I’ve gotcha Philip” Dan said with a hand on his shoulder once he was down on the crate. The use of his full name earned him a shove from Phil (not hard though, because even though Phil hated his full name he didn’t want Dan to fall off). Dan decided fuck it as he moved behind Phil and placed his hands softly on his hips. Phil tensed up a moment in shock, before melting in Dan’s grip. “Come on,” He encouraged.
Phil drew a deep breath as he stretched up his arms again to grip the edge. When he’d done that he started to drag himself up. He let out a squeak, but was soon enough on the dark red tiles which forced Dan to let go of his hand. The brunette followed him quickly. When he was up, he shuffled close to Phil, who placed his head on his shoulder. They looked up at the darkness of the night sky. Dan’s heart completely stopped when Phil intertwined their fingers together.
“When’s it gonna happen and how long will it take?” Phil questioned after turning his head up to watch the moon again. Dan noticed from his voice that he was shivering. Of course he was, he’d left his jacket at home. Pretty boy dressed in a big t-shirt as pitch black as the night that surrounded him a cold December night. He would’ve gotten him a jacket or something, but for his own selfish reasons be decided to rather place a protective hand around him. So he did just that.
“Well, the totality will only last about 7,5 minuets, and I don’t know when it’s happen. We'l see.” He answered.
“Can you tell me about it” Phil asked seemingly genuinely interested as he pointed to the moon.
Dan smiled as he started to explain. “Basically around every 18th month the moon covers the sun when it passes by. The reason this doesn’t happen every month is because the moons course is tilted 5 °. You probably know that the sun is bigger than the moon right? If so then you might wonder how the moon can possibly cover the entire sun? Well the sun is 400 times bigger than the moon, but the sun is 400 times further away which makes it look like they’re the same size for us. It will go completely dark, just like now” He paused and pointed at the dark sky. “But when the moon is too far away from the earth in it’s orbit it doesn’t cover the whole sun,  we get an annular eclipse.
When the total eclipse occur it’s more likely to hit the part of the earth that’s covered in water, so this is very rare. People travel from everywhere to see this. Every year the moon moves a little bit away from the earth which means that in the future total solar eclipses will be instinct. My mom got me a pair of special sun glasses that makes me able to look at the sun and the eclipse,  you can’t look at it without them because it can seriously damage your eyes.” He realised how much he was babbling and got a little flustered.
When he looked down at Phil though, he didn’t seem bored, actually he seemed fascinated. He slowly moved his gaze up to the sky again and there they sat. In total silence, a comfortable one. Listening to each others breathing. “Do you sit here often” Phil asked eventually.
“Yeah, It’s my escapism” He answered. Phil nodded sheepishly and started playing with their fingers. “Do you want to listen to some music?” Dan then questioned. In repose he got a enthusiastic nod. He picked up his phone and played some music from his acoustic playlist. He didn’t really feel like it was the right time to play Kanye West or something like that. The soft sound of Ed Sheeran’s voice and guitar escaped the speakers.
“I’m gonna fall asleep at some point” Phil warned. Then his colourful eyes adverted to the edge of the roof. “Or fall down”. A chuckle escaped from both of their lips as Dan tightened his grip around him. Phil fidgeted with Dan’s shirt subconsciously. He smelled like mint and flowers, something Dan could not get enough of. Suddenly they heard the sound of a phone, Dan recognised it as his own notification sound. Phil sat up with the intention of letting Dan lose.
Mom: Hey honey, where are you?
Dan: on the roof with phil, our neighbour.
he didn’t get a response after that, so soon enough his head was on top of Phil’s chest. They laid like that, with Phil’s fingers toying with Dan’s hair for a while, until they heard the front door open. It sounded loud in the silent night. They sat up and closely watched what was presumably Dan’s mother. They could confirm that it was in fact her when she got closer. She had a cheesy picnic basket in her right hand.
“Hey boys”. They greeted her back. Phi,l and Dan’s mom introduced themselves to each other. “Nice to meet you, I brought you some food and other necessaries because I don’t expect you, especially not Dan to be down before the eclipse.” She chuckled. Dan thanked god that she decided to not comment on the small distance between them, as that is a very typical thing for her to do. Not that Dan came noticeably close to boys often. She just left with a sweet smile.
“I like your mom” Phil commented. Dan made a hum sound in agreement before laying down at the cold, hard tiles again. “Kisses or cuddles?” Phil questioned randomly, which made Dan blush. He’d said it so casually, like that was something normal to discuss. When Dan gave it more though, he realised that it was maybe normal for friends to talk about. Phil started to giggle when he saw Dan’s flustered state.
“Er- I like both, but um- if I don’t really like the person it’s better to- um cuddle” He stuttered out. Phil laid down beside him whilst giggling. “Shut up” Dan said and hid his face in his hands. The laughter died down, and Phil softly removed the hands from his neighbours face.
“Would you like to kiss me?” He said with eyes wandering to Dan’s lips before going up to meet his eyes again. All signs told Dan that Phil was serious, and that he didn’t say it because he just wanted to know. That could be him being naive, but you only live once. When you have a possible chance of kissing a boy that you’re dare I say in love with, you should at least try. So he nodded. Phil smiled and awkwardly snuffled to in front of Dan, trying not to fall down.
Dan’s pulse was raising like wild, his hands were sweaty and gross. He tried to wipe them on his pants without it really helping that much. Anxious thoughts went around in his head without any reason to actually be there. Because there was a big chance that Phil liked him back. Phil smiled at him, those pink lips that Dan was allowed to kiss. “Would you like to kiss me?” He questioned back. The smile on Phil’s lips grew significantly in a fond way. Like the thing you done when a child makes you shitty art, but it’s still cute and they want to give it to you. But also like the way you look at someone when they’re your whole world. Phil felt like he was Dan’s whole world at least, even though he’d only lived on that world for a couple days.
Dan’s thoughts were cut of by soft lips on his. An arm around his waist as he held Phil’s shirt in a fist. It was filled with lust and love, a weird combination that he wanted more of. Something about the way Phil held him close was angelic. Wonderful, captivating, mesmerising. It felt like there was an explosion of colours, sweet pastel colours. Dan closed his eyes tightly and pressed his lips harder against Phil’s. Just wanting more, just wanting to be closer, to intertwine and completely melt into each other.
Phil returned the heat. He started to nibble on Dan’s lower lip, who opened his mouth to give access in response.  Tongues started to explore the other’s mouths, hands to explore the other’s bodies and breaths to mesh with each other. Phil mumbled something about Dan being beautiful, but he didn’t quite catch it because he was so busy thinking about everything, but at the same time nothing. All his senses were focused on the feeling of Phil.
They pulled back for air, foreheads pressed against each other. Phil had Dan’s hand in his and fidgeted nervously with it. “So…” He mumbled, a start of a sentence Dan had a feeling that he wouldn’t finish. Not that he felt an extreme want to talk about it himself. There was still the possibility that the boy in front of him didn’t like him. Just kissed boys because that’s what he did. Or, maybe he just wanted to kiss Dan, nothing more. All these thoughts circled in Dan’s mind and he didn’t even consider the idea that the other might want more. Well it did pop up into mind, but he suppressed it because he didn’t want to have high expectations. His thoughts were interrupted by Phil’s voice.
“I never understood how to ask someone to be your boyfriend without sounding like a 13 year old asking their crush out”
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evilradmedieval · 7 years ago
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Vince Staples - “Big Fish Theory” Review
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Remember those days filled with angst and hate towards the world around the time Odd Future first came out circa 2009? Well, Vince Staples has come a long way from the days of rapping about armed robberies and rape with fellow former Odd Future members Earl Sweatshirt and Mike G. Since then, he’s made a pretty big name for himself, slowly separating himself stylistically from his Odd Future counterparts with each and every release. A major jump in his lyrical maturation was seen on his fourth mixtape Shyne Coldchain II in 2014, a project that was supported by big-name hip-hop producers such as No I.D., Evidence and Scoop DeVille. Although a Long Beach native, the album had no stylistic remnants of west coast hip-hop, as he sonically was going for a more modern, hard-hitting soundscape. Staples then follows up that project with the socially conscious and politically charged EP Hell Can Wait. The project alludes to life living in North Long Beach complete with songs addressing gang violence, police brutality, poverty and racial profiling. The album was the most lyrically powerful albums I’ve heard in a while, complete with one of the most hard-hitting flows and lyrical showcases I’ve seen Vince Staples ever showcase. This level of lyricism and high production value carries over into the more conceptual debut commercial effort in Summertime ‘06, one of the better hip-hop projects of 2015. Inspired by Joy Division, the album was a pretty conceptual, heady and had some interesting lyrical themes and production. However, I thought that the album had some filler tracks and some lackluster and dragging performances by both Staples and his features. Despite the negatives, it was a solid breakthrough into the mainstream, as even the track “Norf Norf” was able to irk the living hell out of a Christian mom enough for her to post a viral rant on YouTube. Regardless, the album was a notable entry in Vince Staples’ every growing discography. Then he proceeds to release another solid release in Prima Donna, an EP that proved that his growth is simply neverending as an artist sonically and lyrically. Thus, it seemed that every year Staples is able to provide his fans with new material. With this sophomore release in Big Fish Theory, Vince Staples delivers with some heady lyricism and some experimental, off-the-wall production that may require a couple listens to fully appreciate its forward-thinking genius.
The intro track “Crabs in a Bucket” kicks off the album with glitchy production courtesy of Justin Vernon of Bon Iver fame and up-and-coming experimental hip-hop producer Zach Sekoff. Instrumentally, the track is unlike something I’ve ever heard Staples spit on, in which the beat has these very house-influenced drum patterns yet overall evokes a very nocturnal vibe. Lyrically, the track deals with the mentality of African Americans stuck in urban poverty. The title of the track is inspired by a previous track by Staples himself on “Señorita”, therefore possibly assuming that this track could have been a spiritual sequel in a sense. Vince exhibits a pretty energetic performance here as well, and the wonky-inspired instrumental breakdown towards the tail end of the track definitely sounds like something Flume would have been involved in. “Crabs in a Bucket” is a borderline danceable track, yet boasts a decent amount of heady lyricism for listeners.
We get a DJ Mustard-esque banger with the lead single “Big Fish”, featuring a relatively entertaining and infectious hook a la Juicy J. Although not one of the more intricately produced, the track is bass-heavy and can definitely be played in the clubs. Vince Staples sounds great here as well, in which lyrically he simply reflects upon how far he’s come as a rapper and makes several references to previous tracks from his Summertime ‘06 project. I especially loved how the chorus is so contradictory of what Vince Staples’ is trying to evoke here topically as well. Sure, all the fame and fortune of becoming a successful rapper comes with being obnoxious and boastful, yet Vince’s bars are equally heady enough to carry through the concept of the album and maintain the same persona and perspectives as an artist without putting on a front by selling out. This is probably one of the more cleverly put-together tracks on the album as well, as ironically the song is getting major airplay.
Vince Staples sings on this track. It’t not his strong point, but luckily this instance is only seen on this interlude of sorts. “Alyssa’s Interlude” carries on the Prima Donna persona which alludes to the ever-famous Amy Winehouse, which features an interview of her and experiences of love. The interview recording is then followed by a piano-driven instrumental section in which Staples slightly harmonizes, backed by the sampled vocals of David Ruffin of the Temptations off their track “I Wish It Would Rain”. I think that despite sampling an actual interview, it would have been more impactful if he sampled some aspect of her actual music, as it would have evoked more feelings as opposed to an actual interview. Either way, the sentiment is still there and is an interesting transition into the next track.
Once “Alyssa’s Interlude” cuts to a close, we jump right into “Love Can Be”, an upbeat club track of sorts that has me still on the fence about. I especially love the Kaytranada-inspired GTA production and Kilo Kish’s vocals, however thought the inclusion of Dan Albarn’s vocals towards the middle and tail section of the track were unnecessary. Lyrically, the track depicts a bleak outlook on love, as Vince Staples gives us a narcissistic and ironic set of bars for his verse. The bouncey yet glitchy production sort of clashes with the actual song in a way that’s not that pleasantly sounding to my ears. Still, it’s a pretty off-the-wall track.
“745″ has one of the slower, more melodic instrumentals off the track. It’s spacey, atmospheric and a lowkey banger as it features some pretty booming bass and twittering high hats throughout. There’s also this pretty slick G-funk synth chord progression layered in the track as well, giving a pretty West Coast vibe to it. Lyrically, Vince Staples showcases his nihilism yet again regarding love in which it’s too tricky an obstacle for him to deal with. The hook is pretty catchy as well.
We then encounter another interlude of sorts which houses another Kilo Kish appearance. On “Ramona Park is Yankee Stadium”, the track merely sets the mood for the dangerous, Crip-infested areas of North Long Beach. New York Yankee hats reference the type of headwear Crips would wear when they wish to discreetly pledge their allegiance to the Naughty Nasty Gangsta Crips, a gang Vince used to be affiliated with. 
“Yeah Right” may possibly be the wonky/ trap banger of the fucking year. Produced by Flume and PC music affiliate SOPHIE, Vince Staples brings back Kucka from their past collaboration “Smoke & Retribution” for another go. The beat is bass-heavy, clunky and off-kilter. Distortion and rattling drums make for good reason to really bump this in a car. Lyrically, Vince goes in, questioning the illustrious lifestyles of other rappers. Kucka makes a quick appearance in the middle section of the track, then comes in King Kendrick Lamar for a surprise appearance coming through with those hard-hitting bars. The track is an absolute banger, and the best track on the album for sure.
Rick Ross’ “Hold Me Back” track from a couple years ago was a source inspiration for the subsequent track in “Homage”. The hook is accompanied by the heaviest bass on the entire tracklisting. The instrumental is pretty experimental, as there’s these strange fluttering electronic blips bouncing back and forth. Lyrically, Vince gives a pretty energetic set of bars, however thought that the songwriting could have been way better. The intent is there but I wasn’t really feeling the hook and some of the verses.
This pattern of bass-heavy tracks continues with “SAMO”, a SOPHIE produced cut. The beat is clunky and has some elements of chopped-n-screwed influence. Here, we have another uninspired hook, with some dumbed down vocal mixing. A$AP Rocky and Kilo Kish both make a subtle appearance, letting Vince handle most of the rapping duties. Vince’s verses weren’t that memorable this time around as well, unfortunately.
“Party People” comes through again with more clunky, upbeat instrumentation, courtesy of Sekoff. With such a banger beat, the instrumental is contrasted by the borderline anxiety-ridden lyrics. The quality of the album bounces back, in which I thought the lyrics and hook were written better this time around. There is definitely elements of cynicism and sarcasm in his voice as the hook is delivered. The bars on this tracks are spat incredibly well, being one of my favorites on the album.
Another lead single in “BagBak” finds itself on this album. Although trap-flavored, the instrumental is pretty upbeat and features a great vocal sample on the hook. With the track, he wrote the lyrics phonetically as to create various meanings and perspectives for the song. On the track, Vince Staples’ flow is on full display, and many references to social commentary are laden throughout the track. Again, one of the better tracks on the album.
Lastly, we conclude Big Fish Theory with the track “Rain Come Down”, a seemingly commercially friendly track featuring fellow L.A. native Ty$. The track is pretty melodic yet clunky. Vince Staples comes through with a decent set of verses as well, yet the track isn’t as compelling as I’d thought. 
The album overall doesn’t necessarily blow me away in regards to some songwriting. However, I was impressed by the noticeably experimental instrumental choices that Vince Staples opted for. Summer ‘06 was already a step in that direction, yet this album made that fully realized. Some of them were too clunky and overly-dominant to the point where I was unable to make out what Vince Staples was rapping, as he raps at a pretty high tempo. However, the inclusion of producers such as SOPHIE, Flume and GTA blew me away, as the album sonically was pretty cohesive. Regarding his lyricism, Vince Staples still impresses, yet still struggles to come up with a good hook here and there. However, Big Fish Theory is a solid entry in Vince’s growing discography, and he’s shown no signs of stopping regarding output as well as growth as an artist.
RATING: 7/10
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