#listen I could go on and on about established relationship lando

[coff33andb00ks]

📝 + ur thoughts on being lando's wag. like proper committed exclusive relationship. and ur always at the races to support him🥺

Join me at the 1k bonfire!

honestly it'd probably be hell it'd be so much fun 😬

Lando is so clingy boyfriend coded even as he's maturing, so he'd absolutely need you by his side as much as possible, but especially on race weekends. You ground him, you make him feel like a king, so moments with you before practice/qualifying/the race get him in that perfect mindset. Arriving on the paddock hand in hand, him beaming, you trying not to ugly laugh over the inappropriate joke he just whispered. Lowkey matching your outfits - he'd so get you a necklace that matches his!! - and he'd proudly wear a bracelet with your name on it. (Fans would adore you, obvs)

Quickies in his driver's room, him rushing to media with flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes and scratches on his neck. Oscar facepalms and shakes his head.

He's a dog guy but he'd come home from a few days at the MTC with a kitten because he knows you love cats - the same day you come home with a dog to surprise him.

In turn he'd fully support your career and interests. Gardening? He helps you set up a container garden on the apartment balcony. Cooking? He'll sit on a stool in the kitchen handing you ingredients and insist on doing the washing up. You're a writer? He's booking trips to the places you want to write about. Corporate badass? When you get home from work and need to rant about that bitch Francine in marketing he's commiserating and now he hates Francine on your behalf.

The relationship is as private as can be when one's dating a formula one driver, but he casually mentions you in interviews. "Oh yeah my girlfriend and I are going there next week" when another driver mentions NYC/Thailand/wherever. "My girlfriend's favourite" when asked about a local dish or dessert. And always, always, with slightly pink cheeks and a little grin.

Back to being at the races! No matter the outcome the first thing he does is go to you for a hug. Whether it's a joyous we did it or a more solemn did my best but... he needs your embrace as soon as he's out of the car. During a drama free race he will pop on the radio with a cheeky "she hasn't gone to sleep has she? tell her I love her" to Will.

It's late nights staying awake with him listening to him ramble when he gets in his head and feels insecure. It's running your fingers through his hair while his head's on your lap. It's his cologne in your clothes and your lipgloss on his cheek. It's driving around Monaco in his latest car while he theatrically panics in the passenger seat. It's laughter - so much laughter.

[loveluvrs]

the slip up l lando norris x reader

request/summary – lando and reader are in a secret established relationship, until lando accidentally slips up on stream

author's notes – first piece of writing, feedback appreciated!!! this is just my thoughts written down honestly, i didn’t have much idea where i was going with it so enjoy.

Max was streaming with Lando at his place. Lando drags his feet over to the stream room, sitting on a chair next to Max. He was scrolling on his phone, trying to pass the time. 

“Mate, I’m gonna leave, you’re being so boring,” Lando joked under his breath as he ran a hand through his hair. 

“I’ll make things more interesting then. Chat, wanna know something really interesting about Lando?” Max asked with a mischievous smile as he looked back at Lando. Lando watched with suspicion of what max could say next. 

“Lando’s got a secret girlfriend,” Max sings to annoy Lando. Lando’s eyes shot up, his heart pounding as he turned off his phone, the same phone he was using to text you, his girlfriend. “I don’t, chat, don’t listen to him. He’s just trying to piss me off,” Lando says as he shoots Max a glare. 

—————

A few months later, everyone has chalked up that interaction to Max simply trying to annoy and rile up Lando, and no one thought much of it. On a miracle of a night in spring, Lando was in Monaco and decided to stream. He had a hoodie on, his hair all messy, but a smile on his face. About an hour into the stream, I knock on the door of his stream room quietly. Lando immediately turned off his video and mic, telling chat to give him a minute. 

I walk in, a black slip dress on with a cropped white cardigan, my hair and makeup done all fancy. “Hi, baby,” Lando says as he pulls me in by the waist, onto his lap. “Girls night tonight, right?” He says with a soft smile. He always makes sure to pay attention to anything I’ve mentioned to him, including my plans to hang out with Lily and Carmen tonight, Alex and George’s girlfriends. 

I hum in response. “Yeah, we’re gonna get dinner and then take some Instagram photos,” I say as I stand up from his lap, “you like the dress? It’s new.” I give him a little twirl to show off the dress. 

Lando smiles brightly. “I love it, baby, you look gorgeous. Like always,” he says as he leans in for a kiss. “Text me when you’re done and need me to pick you up, yeah?” I nod and smile. 

Once I leave, Lando puts his headset back on, turning his mic and camera back on. He scrunches up his face as he’s met by shouting from Max into his headset. “What’s your problem, man?” Lando asks with confusion. Max sighs. “Lando, you had your mic on the whole time. People heard that whole conversation and I was trying to tell you but as always, you ignored me,” Max says with some frustration in his voice, but mostly amusement. 

“Oh,” Lando says as he realizes what has happened. Not knowing what to do, Lando panics and ends stream. 

When my friends and I reach the restaurant, we find it pouring rain, which was the most of our worries since the restaurant was outdoor. With frowns, we all pile back into the car and drive ourselves home. I arrive home only twenty minutes after I left, my dress soaked. My brows furrow in confusion to see Lando on the couch on his phone when i come back, and not on stream. 

I slip off my shoes. “I thought you were streaming?” I ask softly as I make my way over to him. “What happened to you? You’re all soaked! Here, let me get you a towel and you can get dressed into some of my hoodie and sweats to get comfy,” Lando says, trying to avoid the fact that he had just live streamed his whole conversation with his girlfriend. 

I saw the panic in Lando’s eyes. “Stop,” I say as I stood in front of him, “what did you do?” Lando shoots me a bright grin. “I love you, babe. So so much. And you know I’d do anything for you.” This made me even more suspicious. “Lan,” I say as my eyes narrowed.

“Okay, okay. I might have forgotten to mute my mic when we were talking right before you left. I swear I thought I had turned it off!” He says as he panics before beginning to ramble. “And I called you baby, and gorgeous, and your voice was heard too. And Max was telling me the whole time through my headset, but it was off and even if it were on, you know I don’t think about anything else when I’m with you. And there were thousands of people on the stream and you specifically told me you wanted to keep it private because you didn’t want to get hate crimed by the fans and you wouldn’t be able to handle it and I mean, I wanted to but it just slipped and im so so sorry but-“ He stops in confusion when a giggle escapes my lips. “Why aren’t you upset?” He asks slowly.

I smile as I slip my arms around his neck, his hands instinctively wrapping around my waist. “Well. Number one, you’re cute when you panic. Number two, no one saw me, so it’s okay. I mean, considering how in love you are with me, they were bound to find out at some point that you had a girlfriend,” I tease with a smile tugging at my lips. 

He scoffs and rolls his eyes playfully at me. “Okay, yeah. I am absolutely in love with you. Still, you’re not bothered by this?” he asks slowly, hesitation lacing his voice.

“I promise I’m not. It was a mistake. Plus, that just means it’s gonna be all the more fun trying to watch them figure out who it is you’re dating,” I say playfully with a giggle. 

“That’s true,” Lando says softly with a hum, “I love you.”

“I love you too. Although, don’t make me have to have you on adult supervision every time you stream now to make sure nothing else slips out of your mouth,” I tease as I playfully poke his side. 

“Ah! Okay okay, promise,” he says with a giggle as he leans in for a gentle and loving kiss.

[aceyalonso]

coffee and chess - LANDO NORRIS

pairing : lando norris x gf!reader

summary : y/n knew lando well, that a date at the local café would make him as giddy as a kid who had candy, and that a game of chess with y/n would make never fail to make him laugh, so why not do both for his birthday?

warnings/notes :established relationship, suggestive start, smau at the end, the cat is named after gregor samsa lol

word count : 3.0k

a/n : belated happy birthday to lando!!! | sorry if it took me this long to post something for lando's birthday... i was genuinely so tired from practice and the fact my house almost burned down

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Y/n slowly opens her eyes, the morning sun peeking through the curtains and illuminating Lando's sleeping face beside her. A smile tugs at her lips as she remembers today is his birthday. Carefully, she shifts closer, pressing her soft curves against his firm body.

Lando stirs, his arm instinctively wrapping around Y/n's waist as he pulls her flush against him. His eyes flutter open, meeting hers with a sleepy, confusing expression. "Mmm... what time is it?" he mumbles, his voice thick with sleep.

"Shh, go back to sleep," she whispers, nuzzling into his neck. "It's still early."

Lando hums contentedly, nuzzling into her hair. "You smell good..." His hand slides down to rest on the curve of her hip, fingers tracing idle patterns on her skin.

Y/n smiles against his neck, enjoying the feel of his touch. She shifts slightly, letting her thigh brush against his morning wood. Lando inhales sharply, his grip on her hip tightening.

She giggles softly, her lips brushing against Lando's as she speaks. "Someone's excited..." she teases, her hand resting on his chest.

He chuckles, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Stop teasing, it's a natural thing," he jokes, his voice low and husky.

Y/n smiles, leaning in to capture his lips in a slow, sweet kiss. Lando responds eagerly, his tongue darting out to tangle with hers. They lose themselves in the kiss, hands roaming each other's bodies as the morning light filters in through the curtains.

After a few blissful moments, they break apart, both breathing heavily. Lando rests his forehead against Y/n's a lazy smile on his face. "Happy birthday to me," he murmurs, his hand cupping her cheek.

Y/n grins, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. "I have something special planned for you later," she promises, her voice filled with a sense of calmness.

Lando's lips trail along Y/n's bare shoulder, his breath hot against her skin. "And what exactly do you have planned?" he asks, his voice low and curious.

Y/n laughs, her fingers tracing patterns on his chest. "Well, I was thinking we could start with coffee at your favorite cafe. Then maybe go somewhere you'd like, somewhere that isn't work," she suggests, her tone playful.

He raises an eyebrow, intrigued. "And then what?"

"If you want to, we can head home after," Y/n continues, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "I know it sounds boring, but trust me, you'll like it."

Lando chuckles, pulling her closer. "Alright, I'm sold. But you better make it worth my while," he teases, nipping at her earlobe.

Y/n giggles, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Oh, I will. Just wait and see," she promises, her lips curving into a mysterious smile.

Y/n sighs contentedly, snuggling deeper into Lando's embrace. But just as she's about to drift off again, a loud meow sounds from outside the bedroom door.

"Gregor's awake," Y/n murmurs, starting to sit up.

Lando groans, tightening his arms around her. "Two more minutes," he mumbles, burying his face in her hair. "He can wait."

Y/n laughs, but relents, settling back down beside him. They lay there in comfortable silence, listening to Gregor's increasingly insistent meows.

After three minutes, the cat's cries reach a fever pitch. Y/n sighs, finally extricating herself from Lando's grasp. "I guess he really can't wait," she says apologetically, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

Lando grumbles under his breath but doesn't try to stop her. He watches with a lazy smile as Y/n pads across the room, her naked form lit by the early morning sunlight streaming through the window.

Y/n slips on one of Lando's oversized t-shirts, the fabric falling just above her knees. She turns to him with a grin, the shirt hanging off one shoulder. "Like what you see?" she teases, striking a pose.

Lando's eyes rake over her appreciatively, a sleepy smile on his face. "Very much so," he murmurs, propping himself up on one elbow. "You look good in my clothes."

Y/n laughs, shaking her head as she heads for the door. "Flatterer," she calls over her shoulder. "I'm going to feed the little monster before he wrecks the place."

Lando chuckles, flopping back onto the pillows. "Take your time," he calls after her, his voice already thick with sleep. "I'll be here when you get back."

She pauses in the doorway, looking back at him with a soft smile. "I know you will," she says softly, flashing him a smile before disappearing into the hallway, Gregor's meows growing louder as she approaches.

Lando chuckles softly as he hears Y/n cooing at Gregor in the other room. "Hi baby, did you sleep well?" Her voice is sweet and affectionate, a stark contrast to the demanding meows that had woken them up.

Smiling to himself, Lando settles back into the pillows, letting his eyes drift shut once more. He's just starting to doze off again when he feels the mattress dip and shift as Y/n climbs back into bed.

"Lets get ready please," she urges, straddling his hips. "I really don't want us to get the slightly burnt croissants at the cafe."

He cracks one eye open, grinning up at her. "Alright, alright," he concedes, reaching up to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Give me five more minutes."

Y/n pouts playfully, but relents, leaning down to press a quick kiss to his lips. "Five minutes," she agrees, climbing off him and heading for the bathroom. "But not a second more!"

Lando mumbles an "Mhm," his voice still heavy with sleep. "Okay baby, love you," he adds, the words slurred but sincere.

In the bathroom, Y/n takes a moment to splash some cold water on her face, the cool droplets helping to wake her up. She brushes her teeth quickly, then runs a brush through her hair, leaving it slightly damp and tousled.

She keeps her makeup simple, just a bit of mascara and lip gloss to brighten her face. Humming softly to herself, she slips into a sundress, the flowy fabric skimming over her curves.

He is still sprawled out on the bed when she returns, looking adorably rumpled and sleepy. Y/n perches on the edge of the mattress, nudging him with her foot. "Time to get up, sleepyhead," she sing-songs, grinning down at him.

Lando groans, but obediently sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Alright, alright, I'm up," he grumbles good-naturedly.

Y/n smiles, giving Lando a quick peck on the cheek before sliding off the bed. "I'll wait for you in the living room," she says, grabbing her phone and wallet from the nightstand.

He nods, watching as she saunters out of the room, admiring the way her dress swishes around her legs. Once she's gone, he drags himself out of bed, scratching his stomach as he pads towards the bathroom.

Lando takes a quick shower, the hot water helping to fully wake him up. As he towels off, he can hear Y/n chatting with Gregor in the living room, her laughter ringing out every so often.

Smiling to himself, Lando finishes getting dressed, opting for a pair of jeans and a button-down shirt. He runs a comb through his damp hair, then heads out to join Y/n.

He steps into the living room, a smile tugging at his lips as he takes in the sight before him. Y/n is sitting cross-legged on the couch, Gregor the tabby cat perched on her knees with his stomach facing her. She's gently rocking him back and forth, making him "dance" to some unheard tune.

Gregor looks less than thrilled, his tail twitching in irritation. But he tolerates Y/n's antics, too lazy to up much of a fight.

She notices Lando watching and grins up at him. "Look, Lan, I'm teaching Gregor how to dance!" she says proudly.

Lando chuckles, moving to sit beside her on the couch. "I can see that," he replies, reaching out to stroke Gregor's fur. The cat leans into his touch, purring softly.

"C'mon Gregor, I named you after a cockroach so you could have some cool lore," Y/n cajoles, continuing to sway the cat back and forth. "Don't be boring like this."

The cat let an indignant meow, his ears flattening against his head. Lando laughs, reaching out to take the cat from Y/n's arms. He showers Gregor with kisses, making exaggerated smacking noises.

"There, there, you little prince," Lando coos, nuzzling his nose against Gregor's fur. "No need to get your whiskers in a twist."

Gregor endures the affection for a moment before squirming out of Lando's grasp. He hops down from the couch, flicking his tail as he walks off to find a quiet corner to nap in.

Y/n pouts, clearly disappointed that her dance lesson was cut short. "Aww, he was just starting to get the hand of it," she laments, flopping back against the cushions.

Lando grins, pulling her close and pressing a kiss to her temple. "Maybe next time," he teases, his fingers playing with the ends of her hair. "For now, what do you say we head to that cafe? I'm starving."

She nods, hopping up from the couch and extending her hand towards Lando. "Okay, let's go," she says, wiggling her fingers invitingly.

He grins, reaching out to take her hand and allowing her to pull him to his feet. He keeps hold of her hand as they make their way to the front door, their fingers intertwined.

Outside, the morning air is crisp and cool, a gentle breeze ruffling their hair. Y/n leans into Lando's side as they walk, enjoying the warmth of his body pressed against hers.

The cafe is only a short distance away, nestled on a quiet corner of their street. As they approach, the delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee and baking pastries wafts towards them, making their mouths water.

Y/n pulls open the door, a little bell tinkling overhead to announce their arrival. The cafe is cozy and inviting, with mismatched furniture and walls lined with bookshelves. A few other patrons are scattered about, sipping their drinks and chatting quietly.

They approach the counter, where a barista greets them with a friendly smile. "Good morning!" she chirps, her eyes bright and welcoming.

Y/n returns the smile, leaning against the counter as she pursues the menu board. "What'll it be, Lan?" she asks, glancing over at him. "Black coffee or a latte?"

Lando rubs the back of his neck, considering for a moment. "Black coffee," he decides, his stomach growling audibly. "And one of those croissants you always get," he adds, his eyes lighting up at the mention of the flaky, buttery pastries.

She grins, turning back to the barista. "I'll have a vanilla latte and one of those almond croissants," she orders, pointing to the display case. "And a black coffee and a plain croissant for him."

The barista nods, ringing up their order. "That'll be €10.50," she says, pushing a small tray towards them. "Your drinks should be ready for pickup in about 15 minutes."

Y/n pulls out her wallet, handing over a few bills to the barista. "Thank you," she says with a smile, taking the tray with their order number.

She turns to Lando, tilting her head towards the seating area. "Where do you want to sit?" she asks, her eyes scanning the room.

Lando's gaze lands on their usual spot by the window, the sunlight streaming in and casting a warm glow over the table. "The usual," he says, jerking his thumb in the direction of the window.

Y/n nods, leading the way through the cafe. They settle into their seats, the worn leather cushions molding to their bodies. Y/n sets the tray on the table, then leans back, stretching her arms above her head.

They settle into their seats, the worn leather cushions molding to their bodies. They chat and laugh, catching up on the events of the past week.

Suddenly, Y/n's eyes light up as she spots a chess board set up on a nearby shelf. "Ooh, chess!" she exclaims, jumping up from her seat. She grabs the board and pieces, setting them up on their table.

Lando raises an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at his lips. "Oh? Are you challenging me?" he teases, leaning forward to survey the board.

Y/n laughs, waving a hand dismissively. "Please, I'm so good," she says sarcastically, her eyes twinkling with mirth. "I've been practicing with Gregor when you're away for work."

Lando snorts, shaking his head in amusement. "Is that what you really do when I'm gone? Play chess with the cat?" he asks, his tone teasing.

She nods, her expression deadpan. "Mhm, what else am I supposed to do, bro?" she says, her tone affectionate despite teasing words. "I work from home and I'm too lazy to follow you around the world."

He chuckles, reaching out to take her hand and give it a squeeze. "fair enough," he concedes, his thumb tracing small circles on her knuckles. "But you know I always miss you when I'm gone."

Y/n's face softens, a genuine smile replacing her mocking grin. "I miss you too," she admits, her voice quiet. "But I know how important your work is to you. And besides, it gives me plenty of time to practice my chess skills."

She winks at him playfully, then turns her attention back to the board, moving her pawn forward two spaces to e4. "Your move, Lan" she challenges, her fingers drumming lightly on the tabletop.

Lando studies the board for a moment, then reaches out to move his pawn to c6. The piece clicks into place, the sound echoing softly in the quiet cafe.

Y/n hums thoughtfully, her brow furrowing in concentration as she considers her next move. She taps her chin with her finger, her eyes darting between the board and Lando's face.

"Caro-Kann defense?" she muses, her tone teasing. "Let's see how long this strategy lasts."

With a mischievous grin, she moves her other pawn to d4, the piece glinting in the morning light streaming in through the window. Lando's eyes widen slightly, a flicker of surprise crossing his features.

"What?" Y/n asks playfully, her shoulders bobbing up and down. "Is it because I usually move my knight?"

Lando laughs, nodding his head ruefully. "Yeah, I didn't expect you to move your pawn," he concedes, leaning back in his chair. "I guess you have actually been practicing."

Y/n and Lando continue their game, the pieces moving back and forth across the board in a silent dance. They fall into a comfortable rhythm, focused on the game and each other.

After a few more minutes, a voice rings out over the low hum of conversation in the cafe "Order number 12!"

Y/n's head snaps up, her eyes widening as she realizes that's their order. "Oh! That's us," she exclaims, jumping up from her seat.

He grins, gesturing for her to go ahead. "Go get our food, I'll keep an eye on the game," he offers, his fingers hovering over his queen.

She rolls her eyes, but she's smiling as she hurries over to the counter. She returns a moment later, balancing a tray with their drinks and pastries.

"Break time," she announces, setting the tray down on the table gently. She takes a sip of her latte, sighing contentedly. "Mmm, perfect."

Y/n takes a bite of her croissant, savoring the flaky pastry and the rich, buttery flavor. She swallows, then turns to Lando with a curious tilt of her head. "So, what else do you want to do today?" she asks, her voice muffled slightly by the pastry still in her mouth.

Lando grins, taking a sip of his coffee before responding. "Well, we could go feed the ducks at the park," he suggests, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Or we could go home and... spend some quality time together."

Her cheeks flush slightly at his suggestive tone, but she plays along, batting her lashes at him. "Oh, I don't know," she teases, her voice breathy. "Feeding ducks sounds so much more exciting."

He chuckles, reaching out to take her hand. "Alright, alright, we'll do both," he concedes, his thumb tracing circles on her palm. "Ducks first, then home."

They spend the next few minutes enjoying their breakfast, the cafe bustling with activity around them. Between bites of croissant and sips of coffee, they fall into easy conversation, laughing and chatting about their week.

"Remember when Gregor got stuck in that paper bag last week?" Y/n asks, her eyes sparkling with mirth. "I couldn't stop laughing when I found him, his head poking out and his tail was just standing up."

Lando snorts, nearly choking on his coffee. "Oh my god, I wish I had seen that," he gasps, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "Can you imagine the look on his face?"

Y/n nods, grinning widely. "Priceless," she agrees, her shoulders shaking with laughter. "I swear, that cat is going to be the death of me one day."

He reaches out, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. "But you love him anyway," he teases, his eyes soft and fond.

They finish up their breakfast, the plates and cups cleared away by the attentive staff. Lando insists on paying, waving off Y/n's protests with a playful grin. "Birthday boy privileges," he declares, tapping his card on the reader and pocketing the receipt.

As they step out of the cafe, the morning sun is bright and warm, promising a beautiful day ahead. Y/n tilts her head back, closing her eyes and letting the sunlight wash over her face.

"Mmm, perfect weather for feeding ducks," she murmurs, turning to Lando with a smile. "Lead the way, birthday boy."

Lando takes her hand, lacing their fingers together as they walk towards the park. The streets are quiet this early, the only sound the distant chirping of birds and the occasional car passing by.

As they approach the park, Y/n spots a group of ducks gathered near the pond, their feathers glistening in the sunlight. She squeezes Lando's hand, pointing towards them with her free hand.

yn.ln

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, carlossainz55 and 10,854 others yn.ln celebrating you is my favorite thing to do 💗 tagged landonorris

landonorris Did you need to include the last picture? ↳ yn.ln of course i did, me not including a funny pic on a bday post is like making pasta without pasta ↳ landonorris Fair enough, love you ❤️

maxfewtrell celebrating him is my favorite thing to do too ↳ yn.ln don't you have a girlfriend??? ↳ maxfewtrell never let your girlfriend ever stop you from meeting your soulmate!

user1 whose cat is that in the last pic? ↳ user2 that's y/n and lando's cat! they rescued gregor when he was still a kitten :) ↳ user1 ohhhh okay! thank you :D ↳ user3 metamorphosis reference???

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@callsignwidow

[forzalando]

what makes the sunset?

3k celebration blurb for @katsu28! you can find my celebration post here if you'd like to celebrate with me :) title inspired by the song what makes the sunset? - frank sinatra. if you’d like, give it a listen! that’s the vibe of lando x reader in this💛 word count: 845 summary: sappy sunset with lando. obvious they both love each other but no established relationship (i love idiots in love).

The time was nearing 8:00pm – you’d already cooked and cleaned up dinner, thrown a load of laundry in the washer, changed into comfy PJs, and vacuumed your entire living space.

The tick of your tv remote was beginning to drive you mad. Each time you scrolled to the next tv show or movie in your recommended, the sound grew louder and louder. After ten minutes of searching, you reached for your phone and went to the last text thread in your messages.

what should I watch? I literally can’t find anything that looks interesting and it’s driving me insane

The reply bubbles appeared on your screen almost immediately, but your (hopefully) saving grace decided to call instead of respond via text.

“What are you in the mood for?” Lando asked, his mouth clearly full of his dinner.

“Did you call me so that you wouldn’t have to take a break from eating to text me back?”

“Maybe, but I’m the one asking the questions here. What are you in the mood for?”

“Hmm,” you paused, “something beautiful, passionate, emotionally stirring. I want to feel something.”

“And you came to me for suggestions?” Lando’s laugh rang through the speaker, the sound filling you with warmth.

“Well, excuse me, Mr. ‘I’m a Scorpio and let me tell you all about it’! Aren’t you supposed to be passionate and emotional?”

“Alright, give me a minute to think!”

The silence was brief, not even 30 seconds had passed before Lando began speaking again.

“Be ready in 15 minutes, I’ve got the perfect idea.”

Before you had a chance to ask what he meant, the line went dead. You huffed out a breath and made your way to your room to change out of your pajamas – which, quite honestly, soured your mood a bit.

Exactly 15 minutes after your call ended, Lando Norris was furiously knocking at your door.

“Come on, come on, hurry up!!!” You could hear him yelling from outside your apartment – thank goodness it was early enough that your neighbors wouldn’t complain about a nighttime disturbance.

Swinging your door open, you came face to face with Lando, his arm raised to knock incessantly once again.

“You are insufferable,” you huffed. Those were the only words you could get out before Lando was practically dragging you towards the elevators.

“Where are we even going?”

“It’s a surprise,” he sang. You couldn’t help but laugh at his giddiness, following him blindly down to his car sitting outside your building, still running and somehow not stolen.

You tried to guess – ice cream, a friend’s place, a movie theater. With each guess, Lando shook his head and teased that he wasn’t going to tell you. Soon, Lando had parked his car in a familiar lot, one you’d driven to many times before when the weather was nice and he was miraculously home.  

The sand was white and inviting – it squished underneath your toes as you stepped onto the beach, soft and still slightly warm from the sun beating down on it all day. You began to sit down when you heard Lando shouting behind you.

“NO sandy bottoms in my car, I brought a beach blanket you heathen!”

Sure enough, you turned around and there he was with the beach blanket you’d bought for him last summer. It had papayas on it, you simply couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

“So what are we doing here, Lan?”

He gestured towards the view in front of you. “You said you wanted to watch something beautiful and emotionally stirring.”

You looked at him quizzically, his hint completely lost on you. He rolled his eyes teasingly, scooting closer to you and bringing his arm up to look at his watch.

“The sun should start setting in about…five minutes? If I timed this correctly.”

“You brought me to the beach to watch the sunset?” A soft smile graced your lips, and it was your turn to scoot closer to Lando, only a few centimeters separating your legs.

“It just kind of popped into my head, but I should have asked you. I didn’t totally think this through, I’m sorry – ”

“Lando,” you interrupted him. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

He smiled at you and breathed a sigh of relief as he looked out towards the water, his shoulders visibly relaxing. It was silent for a few moments until he tensed again, turning to face you with wide eyes.

“Are you cold? The temperature is going to drop like twenty degrees, I have an extra hoodie in my car, let me go grab it.”

As he started to get up, you gently grabbed his arm and pulled him back down, finally closing the tiny gap of space between you.

“I’m fine, Lando,” you insisted, leaning your head on his shoulder and linking your arms. “You’re everything I need.”

He relaxed again and lowered his head slowly to meet yours, intertwining your fingers at the same time. As the two of you sat in silence, unspoken words and feelings swirled around in your minds.

Emotionally stirring was an understatement.

[multifandomgirl08]

Give and Take (Kind of Love We Make) [Mini Verstappen Series]

Dad!Max Verstappen x Wife!Reader (Established Relationship)

Summary: Max had a plan in his head for the evening. He had mapped out the track before, and intended to keep to his strategy until they got home.

Warning(s): 18+, Implied sexual content, okay maybe it's more than implied, Oral Sex (Female Receiving)

A/N: Thank you Anon for your request. I hope you like it! It's a little more than steamy but I couldn't help myself as I was working on it.

Title from the song I Get Off by Halestorm

There is a short morning after continuation in the reader's POV here.

Words: 3k

Previous Part → Next Part Mini Verstappen Masterlist

Nico would be spending the night at Lando’s since he and Y/N were having date night tonight. He was in the process of dropping Nico off before going back home.

"Nico," Max said while Lando was in the other room. Nico had run over to Max and hugged his legs.

"Take care of Uncle Lando." Max wasn't concerned about Nico spending time with Lando. He was concerned that Lando wouldn't know what to do with Nico aside from letting him eat junk food and watch cartoons past his bedtime.

"Max," Lando started to say walking out from the guest room in his apartment. "He'll be fine. I'll make sure that the kid is in bed by midnight."

Max gave Lando a knowing glare.

"10 o'clock?"

Max made sure to look him right in the eyes this time. He and Y/N never let Nico stay up past 9 on a weekend.

"Fine, 9." Lando looked slightly defeated.

Max kissed Nico on his forehead, "Mama and I will pick you up in the morning."

Nico gave a quick nod back.

“No sugar after 8 Lando,” He warned. Lando just nodded and smiled at him. The Brit was going to regret not listening to him.

It only took Max half an hour to drive home. As he walked through the front door of the house, he could hear Y/N from her office that was on the far end of the living room. Probably on the phone with a client or one of her co-workers. He glanced down to his watch, to see that it was only 4:45, and they didn’t have to be at the restaurant until 8.

Max had made his way downstairs to the master bedroom to take a quick shower. If Y/N wasn’t out of her office by the time he was out he could get on the sim for a while or play Call of Duty online until he had to get dressed.

He was quick about his shower, washing his hair and body. When he got out of the shower, he considered shaving but then decided not to. His facial hair looked like it was turning into a full beard if he let it grow out a little more. He discarded his towel into the hamper, walking to his closet to rummage through his drawers for clean underwear, shorts and a shirt. As he was sliding his shorts over his legs, he could hear footsteps coming down the stairs.

He poked his head out of the closet to see Y/N walking into the room with her phone in her hand before dropping it onto the sheets of the bed.

“How was dropping Nico off?” She asked.

“Lando didn’t listen when I told him about Nico’s schedule.”

“Then he can deal with the consequences of him not going to bed.” She had slipped into her closet while Max moved to the other doorway that connected to the bathroom.

“How much do you want to bet he’ll call Daniel if he has trouble?” Max knew that Lando would need help.

“I don’t think you give him enough credit.” Max knew right away that she was just saying that to rile him up a bit.

“A bet then?” He asked.

“Pick up duty next week?” He would take that bet.

That seemed fair. He knew that Y/N had to work late next week, so if Lando didn’t need help with Nico, Max could take care of picking up Nico next week.

“And what do I get if I win?” He asked. She only looked at his eyes and he knew that if he was right, it would only be a matter of when he wanted something, not what it would be.

“Deal.” Max kisses her, pulling her into his chest, her hands settling at his sides before he slowly moved away from her. He left her standing there until he heard the shower turn on.

He left the bathroom and made the short walk to the room where his racing sim was. He set up iRacing for a quick session. By the time the session would end, he could log off and get dressed and would still be ready to leave before Y/N.

Gianni and Enzo were online, and they ran through a quick session. As they were all finishing out the session Max looked at the time on the corner of one of the screens on his sim to see it say 6:28. He was quick about saying bye to the guys, but not quick enough that he didn’t catch Gianni teasing him about his dinner plans before he logged off.

His bare feet against the hardwood floors carried him back to the bedroom, to Y/N sitting on the bed with her hair and makeup already done. She had her robe on, one sleeve was sliding down her arm as she was checking her phone.

Max’s eyes moved up her arm to her exposed neck for a few moments. His eyes moved up her face momentarily seeing her lips covered in red lipstick. The sound of the clang of something against the nightstand made him blink. He caught her eyes, and the small smile that spread over her lips.

Max was quick to disappear into his closet, pulling out black slacks, a white button up, and black dress shoes. As he was getting dressed, he kept catching little peeks of Y/N as she pulled on her clothes. Taking hangers out to look at clothes before he saw her settle on a dark blue dress that complimented her skin tone. He had just shoved his wallet into his pants when he could hear her footsteps against the marble floor.

“Maxy, can you zip me up?” She asked. He looked up to see her standing there in a form fitting dress that hugged her perfectly.

He gave her a nod, and she turned around to see that she had managed to pull the zipper up some of the way. He pulled it up the rest of the way before kissing the back of her neck, where the necklace she was wearing was clasped together.

He could feel her melt under him for a moment, “We have reservations at 8.” She hummed.

“I know,” He whispered into her ear. “I made them.”

It would have been easy to persuade her out of the dress and to just order dinner, but he wanted to take her out. There was a foreplay-like aspect about sitting in a crowded restaurant and having to wait it out until they got home.

Max had a plan in his head for the evening. He had mapped out the track before, and intended to keep to his strategy until they got home.

She turned around in his arms, kissing him with her hands now in his hair, and he could feel that she was trying to push him up against the closest wall to get her way.

“Mijn leeuwin,” He started to maul against her lips. His hand moved low, finding the slit that was cut in her dress. His hand started to move up, slowly caressing her skin with his fingers. He kept his feet grounded in the marble flooring before forcing their lips apart.

He looked at her to see her pupils blown wide, and her lipstick a small mess. “After dinner.” He muttered. He knew what she was trying to do, and it wouldn’t work on him. He pressed his lips together and pushed the feeling of arousal from his mind.

He pecked her on the lips quickly before disappearing into his closet to put the rest of his clothes on. He could hear her let out a frustrated huff from the bathroom, before he heard the clicking of heels against the marble.

It didn’t take Max that long to put shoes on. When he had walked out of the bathroom, Y/N’s makeup looked perfect, like he hadn’t kissed her and wrecked her lipstick just because she let him. They had left the house before 7, and Max had his hand on her thigh the entire time he was driving. The restaurant was a 45-minute drive, and by the time they were a few minutes away Max let his hand venture up a bit high on her leg. He could feel her eyes on him, but he kept his eyes on the road.

He wanted her to do her best to force him out of the restaurant after they ate while he acted as the perfect gentleman.

When they pulled up to the restaurant, Max got out of the car first before walking over and opening her door to help her out and give her his arm as they walked.

Once they were inside, the hostess saw them and took them to a table that was closed off to most of the restaurant. Max let Y/N sit first before a waiter pulled out his chair for him, so he was sitting next to her.

They ordered drinks quickly, Max with his normal Gin & Tonic, and Y/N with her usual. Conversation was light before their drinks came. They were quick to thank the waiter.

“Of course, Mr. and Mrs. Verstappen.” The waiter said with a half nod.

Max reached over kissing the back of Y/N’s hand and saw the sparkle of her diamond ring reflected in the candle on their table.

“I’m still getting used to being called that.” She said to him after the waiter left.

“I’ll make sure to call you that more often,” No one that they knew really called her that. Pierre would throw it out there every once in a while.

They had been looking over the menus, and Max’s eyes had fallen to the appetizers when he felt something smooth press into the leg of his dress pants. It was probably the side of her shoe running up and down his calf. Max looked past his menu to see Y/N had a small smile on her face with her eyes running over the menu, she must think she was being clever.

“Kitten, that won’t work.” He managed to get out before the waiter came back. Their eyes met before shifting over to the waiter.

He asked if they were ready to order, and Max was just about to answer when Y/N had dropped her hand into his lap and gave his upper thigh a squeeze.

“Give us another moment to look at the menu.” She cooly said while Max gave the waiter a tight smile. Max had half a mind to leave a hundred on the table, take her hand and leave.

Max waited until the waiter left again giving both of them a curt nod. Max placed the menu down before dropping his hand under the table and ran his fingers over her thigh before finding the slit in her dress once again.

He leaned towards her, running his nose over the shell of her ear, and moving his hand closer to her core. He could feel her slightly shudder against his hand.

“If you don’t stop, I will take you home.” He promised through gritted teeth. He quickly moved his hand away after.

He gave it another 10 minutes before she tried reaching towards his waist. After that Max made a quick move for his wallet, leaving a hundred-dollar bill on the table and grabbing Y/N’s hand. Too bad for her that she would have to suffer through the car ride back to the house.

They were rushing out of the restaurant after paying the bill. Max gave the valet a 20-dollar tip before collecting the key to his Aston Martin. The drive back to the house would have felt quick if it wasn’t for Y/N’s hand on his thigh running over the fabric of his slacks.

He tried to keep his focus on the road and was grateful when he finally got to the gate to the house. Y/N was quick to get out of the car once it was parked, walking in front of him with a distinct sway of her hips before making her way through the side door.

Max got out of the car and followed her through the door before he saw her place her shoes to the side in the entryway. He tossed his keys onto the console with his jacket falling over them. He pushed his shoes off letting them pile up under it.

His eyes fell to Y/N’s bag ended up on top of his jacket. She stepped close to him; his hands went to her waist. Her hands slowly moved towards him, settling in the middle of his chest. He dropped his head just a bit letting their lips meet.

He tightened his grip, crushing the delicate fabric in his hands. Her hands slowly moved up and quickly settled in his hair. He started to search for the zipper that he knew was on the back of the dress, getting frustrated when he couldn’t find it, and let a whine slip past his lips.

He felt one of her hands drop from his hair and took his hand in hers to show him where the zipper was. He pulled away from her letting their lips fall away before opening his eyes to look into hers. The zipper was easy to undo, but he couldn’t look away from her.

“It took you over an hour to get ready just for me to take it all off of you.” He teased.

He saw a light flush reach her cheeks before the dress fell from her frame and pooled around her feet.

She stood there in black lingerie and diamonds. From there Max made quick work of undoing the buttons of his shirt, and she even helped him undo the last few, as laughter fell from both their lips before the shirt ended up on the growing pile of clothes.

Their feet led them into the living room, in a mess of lips, tangled limbs and moans that double paned glass couldn’t muffle. Max let out an audible hiss feeling her nails pressing lines down his back as they moved as one.

Max couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled her outside with him until he was sitting on the couch and had her sit in front of him. She melted against the side of his chest, and reached for the waist of his pants, undoing the button and zipper before forcing them down his legs the best she could. He kicked them off. He felt her lips on his neck right after and he couldn’t help but reach for her, fully pulling her into his lap.

“You always get like this.” He said, rolling his hips into hers.

“That’s because I need you.” She muttered, pulling away from his neck looking into his eyes. “Always.”

Their lips met once more, and it wasn’t long before the last of their clothes ended up discarded by the couch. The night sky being the only thing that shielded them from the rest of the world.

A while later, Max laid there with his back against the cushion of the couch that was in the backyard. Y/N was curled up against his chest with her leg thrown over his hip, and his right hand settled on her left thigh. He laid a kiss on her forehead and tried not to groan at the feeling of his back hurting from where she had dug her fingernails into his back. He knew that when he woke up in the morning the red lines would still be there to remind him.

“Maxy,” She said with her head tucked under his chin.

He hummed into her hair as a response as he mindlessly traced random shapes into the bare skin of her back.

“Thank you for taking me out for dinner.” She said tucking a sweaty piece of his hair away from his forehead.

“You’re welcome, Mrs. Verstappen.” He whispered into her ear. She was quick to pull him into another kiss before shifting in his lap. Max had followed her with his left hand on her lower back, feeling her sit up, and let out a groan that was building up in the bottom of his throat as she pulled away from him reaching for something. 

He didn’t want her shifting in his lap while he was still inside of her, making sure that his cum didn’t drip out of her just yet. He opened his eyes to her, shifting her hips down, opening the blanket that was thrown over the back of the couch and settling it over both of them.

“Thought I was going somewhere?” She asked. He just nodded.

He didn’t want to move from where they were on the couch, but he had gained quite an appetite. Eventually, they pulled away from each other long enough for him to walk back inside for her phone and order pizza from the Italian place that closed at midnight.

Y/N had just set the phone down. Max moved down to his knees and pulled her to the edge of the couch so her legs were resting around his shoulders as he slowly brought her to the edge of an orgasm with his mouth, “Max, you shouldn’t.” She moaned.

“I want something before, I’m hungry.” He said letting his tongue catch what had dropped out of her. He made her come, and reveled in feeling her legs shake around his shoulders, eating her out and tasting the way that their cum mixed together.

Food had come after they had managed to clean themselves up a bit, Max pulled on his dress pants again and gave the delivery boy £50, thanked him and then closed the door, boxes in hand. They vegged outside while eating, splitting the pizza and a tiramisu feeding each other bits and pieces.

When they were ready to head to bed for the night, Max placed the blanket that was over them to cover Y/N from the chilly air and took her hand, walking through the backyard to the French doors that led to the master bedroom.

Once they were inside their room, Y/N discarded the blanket onto the couch. They ended up entangled around one another, not caring about their lack of clothing, with the sheets kicked off towards the edge of the bed by the early hours of the morning.

Mini Verstappen taglist: @karmabyfernando, @barcagirly, @sachaa-ff, @iamahallucinationnn, @musingsbyshreya, @glow-ish, @nonsensical-nonsence, @fanboyluvr, @champomiel, @gothicwidowsworld, @lighttsoutlewis, @itsalwaysgay, @minkyungseokie, @mynameisangeloflife, @ursforever129, @aundercover, @bborra, @mindless-rock, @cixrosie, @barcelonaloverf1life, @taylorslovesswifties13, @konsti081, @mellowarcadefun, @smnthnclj, @brekkers-whore, @lpab, @thedecalcomania-blog, @xoscar03, @em-gvf01, @haikyuen

[lilghostiequinni]

Difference Between

Main Masterlist Landoscar Masterlist

Pairing: Canadian!female reader (nn: Sugar/Sweets) x Lando Norris x Oscar Piastri

Warnings: Fluffy, Polymory, Established relationship, Death

Summary: There's no place like home, and well, you have many, but none are more important to you than the two drivers of McLaren.

Requested: NO / yes

They pursued you first. You didn't want to be with them because it would cause too much attention, and you were scared of what people would say, of what kind of hate you would possibly receive.

Eventually, they convinced you to go on a date, and within days, you were dating both of them.

For a few months, your relationship didn't go public. You stayed in the bliss that was there with this new relationship.

It was new and amazing and great.

But eventually, you were spotted, and your relationship went from private to everyone, everywhere knew, and there was so much you were getting you could barely leave your apartment because of it.

You didn't even have to leave the apartment to get the hate. It's online. You blocked everyone and turned to private accounts, but there were still the pages of your boyfriends and of the McLaren team.

Lily, Oscar's ex-girlfriend and current best friend, helped you through your struggles, and when the boys were gone, she was at the apartment helping you through the mental breakdowns.

Your boyfriends knew of your breakdowns and even helped you through many of them. They addressed the hate many times on social media.

It didn't help much, but when a video exposed the dynamic of your relationship to the world, many in the public realized that you made the boys happier, and the hate didn't just make you sad. It made them mad about the people they thought would do this to their loved ones.

People realized that you weren't the enemy or a gold digger but a person of great kindness.

You made the papaya boys try their hardest to win when you were there.

People gave you bracelets to give to Lando, and you brought the merch between the fans and the boys to sign when they were preoccupied with other fans.

People began to respect you.

The fans loved it even more when they learned that Lando called you Sweets and Oscar called you Sugar.

It was a fan tribute that got to Lando and Oscar that made them want to use a race to pay tribute to you after your death after you were killed in an accident in your home country of British Colombia.

An accident that could've been stopped if they just listened to you when you visited your parents.

So, on the anniversary of your death, they were able to get F1 to agree to do a race on the Vancouver circuit.

A real race in remembrance of you, but even then, it was different.

Everything was different without you or the twins you were carrying at the time of your death.

The difference was one that could never be made up with you or them.

It was the difference between then and now.

A/N: From this poll. This was much harder to write than I thought.

Tags: @poppyflower-22 @samantha-chicago @barcelonaloverf1life @tallrock35 @hellothere9597

If you want to be removed from a tag list, let me know so I don't keep tagging you. If you are striked through, I don't know if you want to be tagged, but just let me know if you want me to continue or stop

[holllandtrash]

6 to 1 | lando norris (part 3)

paring: lando norris x leclerc!reader part 3 in the 6 to 1 series (read part 2 here)

so you agree to go on a date with lando, much to charles' dismay and even though you made it a rule not to date drivers, part of you knows that the second the night comes to an end, you'll be wondering why you ever made that rule in the first place

word count: 5.7k tags: subtle mention of death, established friendships, minor social media au aspects, this is mostly fluff

Ignoring social media was easy. You could just silence your phone. 

Ignoring your brother was impossible, seeing as he practically forced himself into your hotel room after leaving the circuit. 

A lot of the drivers were going out and partying, Charles should have joined them. Instead, he was pacing back and forth at the end of your bed as you finished touching up your make up. 

“I lost a bet, Charles, stop making a big deal out of it,” you didn’t want him to overreact about you going out with Lando, but it was too late. 

Charles was standing only a few feet away when Lando approached you at the end of the race, but he couldn’t ask you about it until you were all back at the hotel. Needless to say, when you dumbed it down and said you lost a bet which resulted in you going out with Lando, Charles wasn’t too happy. 

“So you like him?” Charles questioned, catching your glare in the reflection. 

“As a person, yes.” You applied a layer of lip gloss and blotted it on a tissue before continuing, “Do I want to marry him and have his babies? No, Charles, I don’t. I lost a bet. It’s one date and you’re the only person making a big deal out of it.”

That wasn’t true. Most of F1 twitter was making a big deal out of it. Lando might have asked you quietly if you were free tonight, but apparently there were some professional lip readers out there who managed to piece together what he asked you when the videos of him leaning in had surfaced.

You stood up from the chair and nudged Charles out of the way so you could grab a zip-up hoodie resting on the edge of the bed. Lando didn’t tell you what you were doing tonight, but you assumed it would be casual. 

“So where are you guys going?”

“No idea.”

“Do you even want to go out with him?”

You pulled the zipper up halfway and turned to Charles, trying to understand why he was so against the idea of you going out with one of his friends. You both knew he was a good guy and it wasn’t as though you made it clear you were actually interested in Lando nor have you ever come out and hinted towards a relationship with him. It was just two friends going out.

This date was going to be a casual, a one time thing. It wouldn’t happen again, but no matter how many times you repeated that to Charles, he still had his concerns. 

“Lando and I are friends. This is no different than me hanging out with Carlos.”

“But you don’t usually hang out with Carlos and if you do, it’s because I’m with him.”

“You need to cool it with the whole overprotective brother thing. It's very early-2000's-romcom."

There was a knock on the hotel room door and both you and Charles turned your head. 

You held up a finger towards him seeing as he was closest, “Don’t you dare.”

Of course he didn’t listen to you. Charles bolted towards the door and you swore at him as you caught up, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him back. Charles pressed his hand to your forehead, pushing you out of the way and you had no choice but to dig your heel into the back of his knee so he dropped to the ground. 

Charles still tried to reach for the handle and you forced your way in between him and the door, keeping him at an arm's length by pressing against his shoulder and when you had a free second, you finally answered it.

“Hey,” you were breathless. And not because Lando looked, dare you say, adorable in his typical Quadrant shirt and rosy cheeks and also not because he was holding a bouquet of daisies this time instead of a single flower. But because as soon as you swung the door open, Charles had stood up and pushed you out of the way, practically knocking you into the wall. 

Lando had no idea what he was getting himself into. He took a step backwards and watched as the door closed slowly. He could have sworn he saw you about to take a swing at Charles, but no sound followed except for you yelling at your brother to fuck off and him yelling something back at you in Italian.

The door opened again, but this time it was Charles instead of you who was standing there.

He was also breathless. He eyed Lando up, eyebrows pinched together in an attempt to be intimidating, “Where are you taking her?”

“Joyride, probably, in a stolen vehicle,” Lando answered without any hesitation. “And then we might get matching tattoos, but that depends on how long it takes for us to rob a bank first.”

With literally all of the strength you had, you side-checked Charles, sending him stumbling away from the door. You smiled at Lando and quickly ran your fingers through your hair, knowing that none of it was in place anymore.

“Hi,” you said again, less out of breath this time. “Bank robbery?”

“Yeah I figured committing a felony in a foreign country is probably on your bucket list.”

 A laugh passed through your lips, “You know me so well.”

Charles gripped the side of the door and pulled it all the way open, “I don’t approve of this.”

“We’re not actually doing anything illegal,” Lando clarified with a chuckle of his own. When it was evident that Charles wasn’t finding this amusing, Lando’s smile dropped and he cleared his throat. 

You were expecting him to apologise, or to tell Charles what he actually had in mind, but with the most serious expression he could force his features into, Lando plucked one of the daisies from the bouquet and handed it to Charles.

“Don’t wait up, mate.”

Lando grabbed your hand before Charles could get another word out, pulling you into the hallway. You glanced over your shoulder just in time to see the door shut on your brother's face. 

You felt so childish. Lando’s hand in yours as you ran towards the elevator, both of you knowing that this date probably wasn’t the best idea but neither of you caring enough to say something to stop it. There was an incredibly high chance that Lando would be recognized wherever you went, and if you were spotted with him, which you would be, twitter would be all over it.

But you didn’t let yourself think about that as you stepped into the elevator. Lando let go of your hand and pressed the button to head down to the lobby. As he leaned back against the wall, he finally handed you the daisies. 

“What am I supposed to do with these?” You asked, carefully grabbing the steps.

Lando shrugged, “I did my part.”

“Your part?” You asked. “What does that mean?”

Lando let his head fall back against the elevator wall as he laughed, “I said I’d get you a bouquet and I did! I don’t care what you do with them.”

You should have expected that sort of answer from Lando.

“Where are we headed anyway?” You asked next. “What did you plan?”

The doors opened with a quiet ding. Lando grabbed your hand again. You noticed that each time he reached for you, you grew more and more comforted by his touch. It was a slow progress, but it was something.

But Lando wasn’t going to give away what he had in mind for this evening adventure. He stayed quiet, lips sealed and turned upwards into a smirk as he led you towards the front doors of the hotel. 

Parked out front was a luxury, black Audi. You didn’t have to ask if Lando rented it for the night, that question was answered when the valet handed the key to him. He grabbed the handle of the passenger door and pulled it open for you, taking the flowers momentarily as you buckled your seat belt. 

Before he could shut the door, you looked up at him and asked again, “Come on Norris, where are we going?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Not in the slightest.”

With another laugh, Lando shut the door, leaving you as clueless as you were before. You watched as he spoke to the valet for a moment before getting into the driver's seat. Lando took a quick look at his surroundings and then he sped off into the streets of Montreal. 

4

“You don’t like red velvet?” Lando asked as he took a bite of a cupcake he had just purchased from a pop up vendor. Some cream cheese icing stuck to his upper lip and you stifled your laughter behind your hand as you shook your head.

“No, it’s not my favourite,” you said, grabbing a napkin before leaving the stand. You handed it to Lando and his quick eyebrow twitch doubled as a thank you as he wiped his face.

He swallowed the bite before moving onto his next question, “Does pineapple belong on pizza?”

“Absolutely not,” you shook your head again. “And what the hell are these questions?”

Lando quickly scarfed down half of the cupcake, stepping closer to you when a couple of kids went running past in the opposite direction. He’d been asking you the most absurd questions ever since he parked the car, ranging from childhood related ones to favourites and dislikes. It was giving you whiplash, and he also wasn’t letting you ask any. 

“I’m just trying to get to know you better,” Lando answered casually. “I feel like everyone knows me, or knows a lot about me which is fine, it’s the life I signed up for but I don’t know anything about you.”

“That’s not true,” you argued. “You know my favourite desert.”

“And that you like daisies.”

He finished the rest of the cupcake and you took the wrapper from him, tossing it in the nearby trash can. When you turned back around, you spotted a few strangers watching you, or more specifically, watching Lando.

“Go take a picture with them,” you encouraged.

“I’m out with you,” he said quietly, purposely avoiding the eager eyes of the motorsport fans. “I don’t want to be rude.”

You rolled your eyes, this might have been the first time you rolled your eyes since he knocked on the door. “Lando, it’s not rude. If I didn’t want to be interrupted, I wouldn’t have gone out in public with an F1 driver.”

You could see how conflicted he was. He really did want to spend time with you. He’d been signing autographs all weekend.

But he was still a world famous driver when he stepped off the track. You pushed on his shoulder, subtly moving him in the direction of the fans before he could argue with you. 

You watched as his face instantly lit up, mirroring the young fans, as they exchanged a few words and he signed the back of their shirts. Lando glanced your way and you offered him a smile, but he wasn’t done with this impromptu meet and greet. A few other people recognised him, and then a few more, and then a few more. 

After almost ten minutes passed, you found a bench to wait on. You could still see Lando and the circle of fans that had grown around him and you made sure he could still see you. He’d look over his shoulder every few seconds, just to make sure you hadn’t grown tired of hanging around. 

But Lando didn’t know it was impossible for you to become bored of this. You got a lot of joy out of watching him interact with the people who looked up to him, admired him. It put a smile on your face each time someone new asked for a selfie or for him to sign something. 

It was obvious that Lando had a huge heart. Not only did he care about his friends and family, but he cared about every single person that ever approached him. He tried to make their experience special, even if it was a five second conversation. 

When Lando pointed towards you, you watched as a few girls wearing Ferrari shirts recognised you instantly. You smiled of course, but you were planning on staying seated. You weren’t the Formula 1 driver, that title belonged to your brother and the boy you were on a date with. 

You were always the proud sister of Charles Leclerc, but that same fulfilling feeling started to sink in as you watched Lando. 

When Lando finished up a few minutes later, he approached you with his arm outstretched for you to slide your hand into his. 

“You ready to call it a night?” 

You and Lando had been out for a few hours already, time raced by. Much like the evening he came to your flat unexpectedly, conversation flowed naturally, Lando didn’t allow there to be a lull with all of his questions anyway.

You didn’t want this night to end, but you both had early flights and this date wasn’t supposed to take your entire evening away. You could admit you had fun, but you were okay with calling it here.

You grabbed his hand and he helped you up. Lando waved once more at the group of fans as he led the two of you out of the market. 

He cleaned his neck to look down at you, “I’m s-”

“Don’t even think about apologising,” you were quick to cut him off, already knowing that the next word out of his mouth was going to be sorry. 

“But I am,” Lando said. “I was with the fans for a while.”

“So?” You raised your eyebrows. “Lando I love that there are people out here who love you, who recognise you in Canada for christ sakes. I can hang out with you whenever. For these fans, those five seconds they just had with you might be the only five seconds they ever get. I’m not going to take away any time from them nor should you feel bad, ever.”

You arrived at the parked car and you reached for the handle, but Lando stopped you before you could do anything just by tightening his grip on your hand the tiniest bit. He brushed his thumb over yours and as you met his gaze, you couldn’t get a read on him. You had no idea what sort of thoughts were going through his head.

And then he smiled, the kind of smile that would make his cheeks hurt if he held it for too long.

“Thank you,” he practically whispered those words. It made you wonder what sort of people he hung out with that made him feel guilty for giving his attention to fans.

“You don’t need to thank me, Lando,” you assured him. “I grew up in this lifestyle too, remember?”

You couldn’t count all of the times you were out with your family and Charles and Arthur were stopped by adoring fans. Over time, it just became a normal occurrence and you never let it bother you. 

Lando opened the door for you and waited until your seatbelt was on before shutting it. When he slid into the driver's seat, he didn’t turn the car on right away. Like seconds prior, he just turned his head to look at you, his eyes darting all over your face.

His mouth parted just enough for his tongue to poke through as he licked his lower lip, “If I wasn’t such a gentleman, I’d kiss you right now.”

His comment wasn’t supposed to make you laugh, but it did anyway. You pulled your fingers through your hair. “Oh, you’re a gentleman? Really?” 

Lando rolled his eyes at your rebuttal, “You hurt me, you know? You crush my ego. A lot.”

You nudged his arm, “Just drive the car.”

The hotel wasn’t too far away, and you were lucky enough that silence with Lando was comfortable, not awkward. For a while, the only sound came from the quiet radio station, playing French songs that Lando kept asking you to translate on the drive to the market, and the faint hum from the air conditioning.

And then Lando turned the radio off completely, keeping his eyes on the road, “Can I ask you something?”

You snorted, “You’ve been playing twenty questions all night, you’re really asking for permission now?”

Lando laughed as well, taking a second to glance your way. Your answer was equivalent to a ‘go ahead,’ so he went for it. Unintentionally causing this night to take a turn. 

“Have you ever dated anyone?”

You didn’t even need to think about it, “No.”

“Why not?”

Lando stopped at an intersection. The red light from above beaming down on half of his face. You could hear the crosswalk countdown through the glass and laughter coming from a group of people crossing the street, but the second you looked at Lando, all of that became background noise.

“It’s hard to let my guard down around people,” you admitted. “When Charles and Arthur started working their way up in motorsport, a lot of people wanted to get close to me just to get close to them. Girls wants to date them. Guys wanted to be their best friends. No one saw me for me. I always- I still am, I guess- the sister of the Leclerc drivers.”

The light turned green and the engine came to life again, but Lando reaching across the centre console to rest his hand on your leg only encouraged you to keep opening up to him. 

“Growing up, it was hard to figure out someone's true intentions,” you noticed Lando’s jaw clenched for a moment, like he could understand what you meant by that. He could. “I’m still young, but I like to think I have a better idea now than I did back then. And honestly, it’s for the best. Why allow myself to get heartbroken by someone who doesn’t actually care about me?”

If only you knew what Lando was thinking. 

I care about you, he wanted to say. God he wanted to scream it. 

But he couldn’t. He knew that this date was a one time thing. He knew your intentions, you wanted to remain friends. You didn’t date drivers. 

Why didn’t you date drivers?

You slept with Pierre, but you never actually had feelings for him. Or any driver for that matter, from what he could recall.

“Can you explain something to me, then?” Lando asked, again taking a second to look at you. He hated that he was driving right now, he wanted to give you all of his attention. He didn’t want you to have to share it with the road. “Why don’t you date drivers, Y/N? Or, athletes in a similar field? You grew up in this lifestyle so wouldn’t it be easier to be in a relationship with someone who you don’t have to worry is trying to get something out of you?”

His question was innocent enough. It wasn’t as though he was trying to convince you to date him, or even give him a real chance, it was a genuine thought that he had. He was only trying to get to know you better.

But he had no idea the can of worms he just opened.

Lando saw the sliver of a painful smile stretch across your lips as you looked down, fiddling with the ring on your thumb. He didn’t know you to be nervous, you were never nervous. Not even when Pierre made you uncomfortable, not when strangers approached you. You were always confident. Maybe a little apprehensive, but never nervous. 

“Lando I’ve seen people I’ve grown up with have their lives destroyed because of motorsport.”

The heavy exhale you let out almost broke him. He thought about pulling over just so he could take your hand in his as you spoke, but he kept his eyes on the road, letting you work through whatever was sitting on your shoulders. 

“Friends,” you said quietly. “Family.” 

Jules Bianchi wasn’t just Charles’ godfather.

“Being the sister of racing drivers, I’ve accepted reality as it is,” you scratched the side of your face, feeling a sense of uneasiness travelling all throughout your body. “I know how dangerous the sport is, I know what my brothers have signed up for and I know the risks they face every time they get in the car. It’s not easy to think about, but I’ve accepted it. They want to drive the fastest cars in the world and I’m going to stand behind them and support them no matter what.”

Another breath. Lando sensed what was to follow.

“But…” you paused, needing a second to shake your head, needing a second to ignore the flashes of all the incidents coming to the forefront of your mind. “Every time there’s an accident, I can’t breathe. For ten seconds, twenty, thirty, however long it takes until they get out of the car or confirm that they’re okay over the radio, my world stops. I’m lucky, you know, my world hasn’t stopped all that much recently, Arthur and Charles have had some really good races, but the risk is still there and I have to brace myself for that silence over the radio every time something goes wrong. That’s what breaks me. Thinking that maybe I won’t get a response this time.”

You still hadn’t answered Lando’s question. He knew that everything you said, while important, was only the lead up to what he really wanted to know. 

“Now imagine I was dating you,” you shifted in your seat but Lando kept his hand on your thigh, refusing to let go. “Imagine we were together and for whatever reason, you collided with Charles.”

If Lando was being honest with himself, that was never a thought that crossed his mind. Of course he knew all about the risks when he got into the car, and of course he thought about being with you, but he never looked at those situations from the same perspective. 

“That's twice my world stops. Twice as much silence I have to brace myself for,” you explained, your voice breaking while doing so. “And if something did happen, that’s twice as much pain. Twice as much heartbreak. Twice as difficult to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning.”

You were crying now. Not much, you took pride in yourself for being emotionally strong, but there were still a few tears that slipped as you thought about all of the dangers that could come from Formula 1. You raised your hand to wipe them away and Lando was quick to interlock his fingers with yours before you could go back to fiddling with your ring.

Lando was nearing the hotel now and he didn’t know what to say. There was nothing he could say, nothing that would help, nothing that would assure you that scenario would ever happen because that was simply a promise he couldn’t make.

The lights of the hotel growing closer had you wiping your eyes again, just to make sure they wouldn’t be puffy as you stepped out of the car. The last thing you needed was to run into someone you knew and for them to question what the hell happened with Lando that left you in tears.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed, finally turning to face Lando. He parked in front of the doors, but held a finger up to the valet, indicating that they still needed another minute before getting out. 

“This isn’t something you need to apologise for, Y/N,” Lando told you, sounding sincere and defeated at the same time. His eyes met yours and you could see the weight that was originally on your shoulders was now being transferred to his. 

“But we had such a fun night,” you said through a soft chuckle. “And then I just dumped that lot on you and-” you shrugged, “I’m sorry, I don’t want you to think I don’t like you. I do. I just will never allow myself to be vulnerable with you, or any driver for that matter.”

You did like Lando. As a friend, definitely. Possibly, probably, more if his occupation didn’t involve driving up to 300 km/h. 

But he was in the same dangerous field as Charles which meant you had to be safe because they couldn’t be. 

“Hey,” you whispered, squeezing his hand. “If it means anything, this was probably one of the best dates I’ve ever been on.”

That did make Lando smile, but it was followed with an eye roll, “It’s probably the only date you’ve ever been on.”

“And now the bar is set incredibly high.”

Lando didn’t want to let go of your hand. 

You also didn’t want to let go. 

The second you stepped out of the vehicle, the date was over. He’d go back to working his way up your ranking and he wouldn’t be able to use the podium ultimatum again, it was a one time deal. You’d have no reason to keep seeing him outside of the races and you knew that simply because you wanted to just wasn’t strong enough. 

You and Lando weren’t supposed to be anything more than what you were now.

So you let go of his hand and reached for the handle of the door to push it open. Lando took an extra second to let that entire conversation sink in before he followed you, making sure to grab the daisies that had been left in the back seat. They were a little wilted, but they were still yours. He wouldn’t let you forget them.

You walked side by side to the elevator, thanking him quietly when he handed over the bouquet. When the steel doors opened, you both stepped in and it would have been perfectly okay if you stood in opposite corners.

Instead, you leaned against the back of the elevator and dropped your head to his shoulder, staring down at the white and yellow flowers wrapped in brown paper. Lando dropped his head too, to rest on top of yours.

An unspoken agreement that this was coming to an end. This date, this night, this moment. 

But that didn’t sit right with Lando.

“What if…”

You lifted your head, once again trying to piece together what he was thinking as the numbers on the screen slowly started to ascend. 

“What if we pretend for two minutes that I’m not a driver?”

It took all of you not to roll your eyes because you could see that it was a genuine question. Your mouth curved up into a gentle smile and you so badly wanted to go along with that idea. 

But those two minutes would be enough for you to forget every promise you’ve ever made to yourself. Two minutes with Lando, acting as though he wasn’t a Formula 1 driver, would lead into four and then eventually ten and then an hour and the next thing you knew, you’d be in McLaren garage, holding your breath for him, not just for Charles anymore.

“No,” you whispered. “I can’t.”

Lando nodded. It was worth a shot. 

Two minutes would be enough to destroy you.

The elevator doors opened on your level and Lando held his arm out, letting you take the first few steps. As you walked quietly down the hallway, you glanced up at him, wondering how much this night would affect your friendship moving forward.

You handed Lando the flowers so you could take a second to find your room key, but before you could unlock the door, Lando took hold of your hand and forced you to give him your attention one last time.

“For the record, this was probably one of the best dates I’ve been on as well.”

A blush crept up to your cheeks. No matter what, you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling like an idiot. 

You desperately wanted this night to end on a good note, you wanted him to know that you still cared about him, that you were still friends, that you still liked him even after you basically rejected all of his advances, serious or not.

So you playfully pushed on his arm, “You didn’t even bring up my driver ranking once.”

Lando hit his forehead, “Damn it, I knew I was forgetting something.”

And you rolled your eyes, because you always did when something stupid passed through his lips. Lando laughed at that reaction as he handed the flowers back to you. 

“Have I passed Mr. Canadian yet?”

You thought about it for a second before eventually leading into a slow nod, “Yeah, I’d say you did. Your up to fourth.”

“LN4,” he grinned. “That’s me, baby.”

God you hated how much his smile affected you. You hated that the muscles in your face went into auto drive and smiled back because of how contagious it was. And you fucking hated that you liked being the reason for that stupid grin.

You almost regretted saying no to his two-minute proposal in the elevator, but again, two minutes had the power to destroy you. That was too long, you couldn’t risk it. That was enough time for him to kiss you and trail his lips down your neck to find the spot you couldn’t resist. You’d be opening up the door and dragging him in before those 120 seconds were up.

But…

You inhaled a sharp breath, “Thirty seconds.”

Lando’s eyebrows pinched together, “What?”

“Thirty seconds,” you repeated, a bit quieter, contemplating if this was a good idea. It probably wasn’t. “I can’t give you two minutes, but we can pretend for thirty seconds that you’re not a driver.”

You knew Lando had good reaction time, but you didn’t expect his hands to cup your cheeks that quickly. The flowers fell from your grasp as Lando pulled your face to his, tilting your chin upwards so he could crash his lips against yours before you could take back anything you said. 

If it was possible for someone to take all of the air out of your lungs from a single kiss, Lando was doing it and you didn’t even care because the feeling of his mouth on yours was more intoxicating and inviting than oxygen, or the lack of, ever could be. His tongue slid past your lips. You could taste the red velvet cupcake he had earlier and all of a sudden it was your new favourite dessert.

You gripped onto the front of his shirt, pulling him close as his fingers slid towards the back of your neck and twisted through your hair. Both of you doing everything you could to memorise this moment before it was gone. You wanted to still feel the ghost of his lips on yours when these thirty seconds were up, you wanted to regret putting a timer on it and simultaneously regret letting yourself do this. 

Lando kissed you like he had been waiting all night to do this, maybe he had. Maybe this was something he wanted to do since the second he parked his car after finishing third in the Grand Prix. 

And then he pulled away.

His nose brushed against yours and it took all of your strength to not reconnect your lips. It didn’t help that he teased you by brushing them right over yours. He was breathing in each of your exhales and in return you were doing the same. 

There was no way that was thirty seconds. You weren’t counting, clearly too preoccupied with his tongue roaming around your mouth, but you knew damn well that wasn’t anywhere near thirty seconds. 

Lando must have noticed your confusion, you weren’t doing a good job at hiding it. His usually cheeky grin was replaced with a smirk instead.

“You didn’t think I’d use all thirty seconds now, did you?” He asked. “I’ve got to ration that…make it last.”

You shook your head slowly in disbelief. Leave it to Lando to find a loophole. You thought this was how the night would end, you were certain this would be the only time you’d ever kiss him, that you’d ever allow yourself to be vulnerable with him. 

“You’re such a little shit.”

“I know,” Lando agreed, his thumb brushing over your cheek. 

He tilted your head forwards, just enough to press one last kiss to your forehead before he dropped his arms to his side. He bent down to pick up the flowers and handed them to you, all with a very obvious arrogance to him. He was proud of himself, of his cunning little plan. 

He had another ten, maybe twelve, seconds with you, to pretend that he wasn’t a driver and he wasn’t going to rush through them. 

“I think I hate you, a little,” you finally said as you pressed your key card to the lock. The light turned green and you turned the handle, giving Lando one last look. “Yeah. Definitely hate you a little bit.”

Lando didn’t buy it, of course he didn’t. You wanted to kiss him as much as he wanted to kiss you. 

“No you don’t,” Lando slowly started to back up towards the elevator. “I think you love me, actually.”

“No.”

“You could.”

“Nope.”

He shrugged, “I think, maybe-”

“Goodnight, Lando.” you finally said. Giving him one more of your signature eye rolls before stepping into your hotel room. You leaned against the back of the door after it shut and let the daisies fall to the ground. All you could do was let out the heaviest breath your lungs could muster.

You didn’t want to admit it, you wouldn’t even let yourself think about it for more than a second, but deep down you knew Lando was onto something before you cut him off. 

If you stopped creating barriers for yourself, if you let yourself be vulnerable for more than thirty seconds, maybe, just maybe, Lando might actually be someone you could fall in love with. 

And now, for an entirely new reason, one not backed by fear or panic but because of a British driver with hazel eyes and a smile that had you forgetting how to breathe, your world stopped.

part 4 here

masterlist here taglist: @moneymasnn @thotd-f1 @masonspulisic @mcmuppet @f1-futurewag-16-3-4-63 @alilstressyandlotdepressy @themisric @happydazzz123 @moonxblossom @norrisleclercf1

[watercolor-hearts]

Hey there! I'm the lestappen-inchident anon. :) Thank you for letting me know and no problem don't worry about it! It was quite a complex idea tbh I agree. 😅

Maybe could you write a sweet carlando fic with them going for a walk in the woods. And you could add a faint mention of lestappen. If you'd like to write this. Thank you 😘

Hi dear, thank you for coming back! ❤ I loved this idea so much, it was calming and it made me so happy to write it. Thank you for it. I hope you'll like it. 😊❤

Carlos/Lando, (mentioned) Max/Charles • 1325 words • emotional hurt/comfort • hugs • wandering in the woods • breathing excercise • tree hugging • established relationship • love and support • Ao3 link

-

[2022 Formula 1 season]

It had been a few weeks since Carlos noticed the change in Lando's mood. He wasn't that energic anymore, he wasn't joking as much, he seemed tired and sad.

Carlos knew the car wasn't the best and Lando was struggling a lot with it, and on top of this, they'd announced Daniel leaving the team at the end of the season, not long after they've finally become friends.

“They always take the important people away from me,” Lando told Carlos after the news came out and they were chatting in the paddock late at night before going back to the hotel. Lando's face reminded Carlos of that video of his own goodbye to the team with Lando in the background, visibly sad.

“He won't be your teammate anymore but he won't stop being your friend. He loves you. Everyone loves you. I love you.”

“Thank you,” Lando mumbled, trying not to cry.

“Come here, Landito,” Carlos said, opening his arms for a hug because sometimes a long hug is worth more than words. Lando torpedoed himself into Carlos' arms, face buried into the crook of Carlos' neck, inhaling Carlos' cologne. It's always the same. And this type of same is good.

“I'm so tired, Carlos. So so tired.”

“I know, cariño, I know,” Carlos murmured, trying to soothe Lando by moving his hand rhythmically up and down on Lando's back. “I know something that could help.”

And this is how they ended up in the woods a few days later.

“So, again, how's walking in the woods can actually help?” Lando asked because he wasn't really sure if it was a good idea to go there. But he trusted Carlos and Carlos seemed like he knew what he was doing.

“The trees produce clean air and it helps your mind and body. And also, a bit of a walk won't hurt, and we might see some small animals, which is nice, no?”

“Uh... Yeah,” Lando nodded, unsure about the "small animals".

“There aren't any venomous snakes or spiders or anything similar, don't worry. I know this place, trust me.”

“I'm trying to,” Lando said, interlocking their fingers as they moved closer to the middle of the woods.

“I always come here when I feel like I can't breathe in the city. It helps. Being here. The nature is calm, the air is clean, the smell is nice, the colors are calming, and the ground is soft and natural, not like in the city. I like it.”

“Mhm,” Lando nodded, actively listening to Carlos as they wandered between the trees and plants.

“There's a huge tree a bit further,” Carlos mentioned, “I wanna show it to you. I sometimes sit under it and think about things. Racing, family, us.”

“It's a bit strange to be here. No cars or people, just us. Feels a bit too calm.”

“It's good to slow down a bit. You can't always race, Landito. The body needs resting too, no?”

“Yeah, you're right,” Lando nodded, smiling. It felt good to be there with Carlos. Nobody bothered them, they were free.

“Try to take some deep breaths,” Carlos advised. It surprised Lando.

“I'm ok—,”

“I know, cariño,” Carlos smiled, stopping and turning to Lando, “but try it. Trust me. I'm going to do it too, no need to be scared or think you'll look stupid. Nobody's here, only us.”

“Okay,” Lando nodded, holding both of Carlos' hands and copying him as he breathed in deeply and then out slowly, with his eyes closed.

“Let your lungs expand as you breathe in,” he instructed, looking at Lando, who had already closed his eyes by then, to check on him, “and then let the air out slowly. No need to rush, we have all the time we need.”

“This actually feels nice,” Lando confessed, smiling as he looked at Carlos, “I wanna do it once again.”

“You can, as many times as you want to.”

“Thank you,” Lando murmured, closing his eyes and doing the breathing exercise again. “This feels good.”

“Yeah.”

“Can you come a bit closer?” Lando asked, “I wanna just... Be there a bit. Here. Now. I feel like I need it.”

“No need to explain, Lando. I'm here,” Carlos said as he stepped closer to Lando and let him rest his head on his shoulder, hands on Carlos's waist. “It's all-new, yes?”

“Very new. I just wanna stand there and close my eyes.”

“You can. Close your eyes, cariño, I'm here with you.”

And then they were standing there, silently. The only sound was the birds chirping here and there. They didn't need anything more.

“How are you feeling now?” Carlos asked about a minute later.

“Less stressed. Body's calmer, heart's slower. Feels good.”

“I'm glad. Wanna see the big three? We can sit down there a bit.”

“Yeah, that would be good.”

A few minutes later they arrived at the big three.

“It's huge!” Lando said, looking up but still not seeing the top of it.

“And beautiful, too,” Carlos added, going closer. “Come here, feel the bark. It's special.”

Lando went closer and placed his hand next to Carlos'.

“It's rough but it still feels good to touch. It might sound stupid but I always give it a hug before I go home.”

“Really?” Lando asked, surprised. “That's cute. I wanna hug it too.”

“You can,” Carlos smiled, “I'll do it too. Double hug.”

“Ah, this feels nice,” Lando sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. “Thank you for the clean air, big tree. You and your mates here helped me with it today. Stressful life, you know...”

Carlos' heart filled with love as he was listening to Lando talking to the tree. It felt so natural even though when they arrived here, Lando seemed a bit unsure about this whole walking in the woods thing.

“I'm gonna sit down a bit, you can join too if you'd like,” Carlos said as he positioned himself on the ground, at his usual spot.

“Yeah, of course,” Lando agreed, sitting down as well and then taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

“Everything's alright?” Carlos asked, searching for Lando's hand and finding it a second later.

“Yeah. Feels good to be able to breathe. I didn't think about it before. It's not something people really think about. Maybe when we're working out, but that's still different.”

Carlos nodded in agreement while caressing Lando's hand with his thumb. “When you try things like this, you learn to appreciate it.”

“Thank you for bringing me here.”

“You're welcome,” Carlos kissed his temple. “I wanted to bring Charles here too but he went to some beach with Max. Not much of a woods guy I guess.”

“I wasn't one, either,” Lando smiled. “And still, we're here. Charles is so in love now he always wants to be with Max. I don't even know when was the last time we'd played a game.”

“Yeah, he's found love with him and I'm glad because he needs that kind of support too. He's had some difficult moments too and I think going somewhere calm would help him too. But I know Max's taking care of him and that's what's the most important. They can have some nice alone time on a yacht too, or on an island or something. We're a bit different when it comes to spending free time but it's okay.”

“He's gonna be okay too,” Lando whispered, resting his head on Carlos' shoulder. “I hope they took sunscreen with them because if not, Charles won't have to put on anything and still look like he has the team kit on.”

Carlos bursted out laughing. God, he loves Lando so much.

“Thank you for being here with me,” Carlos said, kissing Lando's hand and then resting it on his chest. The boy smiled and then buried his face into Carlos' shoulder.

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

[its-all-papaya]

oh!! i LOVE the fostering puppies idea! (and how could i forget about THE bed sharing snippet you wrote, like?? hello??) since you said we could send more - 🖤 darks and i don't know if it counts as angsty but maybe comforting the other after a nightmare? proud of you, keep going with the chores!!

sheets are out of the dryer, whites are in the dryer, and first load of darks is in the washer. that is pROGRESS. (there is definitely another full load of darks left though my washing machine is small)

↠ please make me do my chores

i saw lando norris with a puppy and said "how can i make this about oscar?" fr. idk if that one's going anywhere, but it takes sooooooo little to get me to open up a word doc these days, who's to say.

LISTEN. perhaps the real angst is the hurt/comfort we pretended was angst along the way. and i LOVE a nightmare trope (it also pairs deliciously with only-one-bed, conveniently). i feel like it would have to be lando, mainly bc i can't stop fking torturing that man, but like. one of those nightmares that's not even so scary as it is like... disorienting? makes you feel Wrong inside? like you can't sleep again bc you don't want that squirmy icky feeling back? and sleepy warm oscar just wrapping bby up in his arms all nice and soft and real, you know how it is. if it's not getting-together-only-one-bed, it's gotta be established relationship so he can kiss lando's forehead one thousand million times and say "i love you" over and over so even if lando can't fall back asleep, he's at least got that as his freshest memory instead of whatever happened In His Head.

okay, sick, let's keep going!! thank you for these!!

[doopcafe]

Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Seasons 1--6), Final Analysis

Well, I made it through. 

Let’s be absolutely clear: The Clone Wars (TCW) is not good television. For the most part, it’s not even watchable television. The show suffers from serious fundamental issues in nearly every aspect of storytelling. Characters are underdeveloped and inconsistent; the dialogue is expository and contradictory; the tone is disjoint and jarring; and most episodes serve no greater purpose than to be a twenty-minute vessel to house lightsaber fights. 

So I want to put this part of the show to rest before I move on to Star Wars: Rebels (and before returning to watch season 7). 

With two exceptions, the show poorly handles twists and reveals. In the earlier seasons, reveals were spoiled mostly due to telegraphing: Captain Sleaze in Cloak of Darkness, Senator Clovis in Senate Spy, and Yolo (?) in Senate Murders come to mind, but there were others. In later seasons, telegraphing was supplanted by “small universe syndrome” as the primary cause of spoiled reveals. In The Academy, a cloaked figure was seen doing shady, back-alley deals, but his identity could only have been the Prime Minister. During the “Ahsoka framed” series, Barriss was obviously the traitor, simply because her character suddenly reappeared after four seasons and there were no other candidates. 

Probably the most successfully executed reveal was that of Krell, as his assholeness was at least initially masked as military rigidity. But even so, it was so over-the-top that when the reveal finally came to light, it felt more like an overdue disclosure than a dramatic twist. It didn’t help that, by that point in the show, the format of “asshole = upcoming reveal” had been firmly entrenched into the show’s DNA. 

I would argue that the most effective plot twist of the entire show was when the dancer/singer girl shot and killed Ziro the Hutt in Hunt for Ziro. Although irrelevant to the greater story, it was an actual twist because it was strongly implied the opposite would happen (i.e., Ziro would betray the girl). If there is to be a second place, that award would go to Ahsoka’s decision to leave the Jedi Order at the conclusion of The Wrong Jedi. But this leads me into my next point...

Who was the main character of The Clone Wars? If we go by the logic that whoever had the most screen time was the main character, then Anakin probably wins over Ahsoka. But if we go by the logic that the most developed character was the “main character,” then this is a show about Ahsoka. Ahsoka---more than any other character---grows in a noticeable way (from impatient, violent child to impatient, slightly less violent teenager). In contrast, Anakin in Rising Malevolence is the same character as Anakin in Voices (only a little more violent and angry for some reason). 

It’s unfortunate that her major character moments were never capitalized on. Intentionally sacrificing herself for the greater good in Weapons Factory apparently led to no lasting repercussions on her character. Her impatience and disobedience led to the deaths of thousands in Storm over Ryloth, but was similarly forgotten immediately afterwards. Even Ahsoka’s major character moment at the end of The Wrong Jedi resulted in her walking away from the show, never to address the implications of that decisions (although I suppose that’s the subject of Season 7). 

On a different note, the show was riddled by a shameful amount of “references” and fan service, for reasons exclusively external to the story. These “nods” ranged from the obvious “Obi-wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope” (or whatever Senator Jimmy Smits says in Cat and Mouse) to the innocuous design of a droid or background device. 

These “references” are objectively problematic for at least a few reasons. (1) They contribute to the sense that the universe is a really, really small place. Is the Mos Eisley cantina really the only place in the Outer Rim where shady deals go down? Is carbon freezing really the only way to store a person in stasis for transport? How long do Rodians live for anyways? Greedo’s gotta be what, like 80 when Han shoots him in A New Hope? It’s ironic that ultimately, this incomprehensibly large, diverse galaxy actually feels much smaller after watching this series because we keep going to the same twelve places...

(2) “Fan service” is tricky to get right because different people have different memories and impressions of the source material. In result, copying material will oftentimes comes across as a blatant misunderstanding of the original content. For example, to me, Vader put Solo into carbon freeze because it’s what Lando had lying around. It’s not a galactically established method of transporting people. Obi-Wan trained Luke with those laser balls aboard the Falcon because Han had them lying around and Obi-Wan needed to improvise a training exercise to kill time. 

(3) "References” and “nods” usually are just a band-aid for a lack of creativity. Some of the better episodes in the initial seasons were just direct rehashes of famous movies. Seven Samurai, Godzilla, Stray Dog, The Most Dangerous Game, King Kong... I mean, it’d be pretty impressive to mess-up stories like these, but it’s concerning that there were just so many episodes made from other people’s stories. 

These “references” even seep into the most innocuous of scenes. When Prequel!Wan lands on Mandalore to attempt a rescue of Satine from Darth Maul, one of the Mandalorians takes aim at him, only to have their blaster pushed down by their companion who’s shaking their head. This is a direct reference o the Tusken Raiders on Tatooine when Luke went after R2 in the desert. Even if this scene served an important plot purpose (it didn’t), there’s undoubtedly a multitude of ways to communicate the same thing. Instead, a small reference to the OT is interjected into the show, deimmersing the audience from the events shown. Unfortunately, this is just one (very small) example of hundreds over the whole show. 

Let me say something positive. The episodes that worked best (especially early in the show's run) were ones that focused on mortal people, usually the clones. Innocents of Ryloth was one of the first watchable episodes, simply because we didn't have to sit through twenty minutes of unlikable, unrelatable “Jedi” and instead followed around a pair of troopers helping a little girl using their limited abilities. Likewise, Pursuit of Peace was way more enjoyable than it probably should have been, simply because the story was understandable, the consequences clear, and the drama real. Plan of Dissent (when the clones actively rebel against Krell) was also noteworthy for similar reasons: clones we liked must subdue a “Jedi” we’ve learned to hate. 

This isn’t to say that episodes focused on the major characters were inherently unenjoyable, it’s just that none of these characters had any room to grow (with the exception of Ahsoka). Dooku, Grievous, Anakin, Prequel!Wan... They were the same characters as portrayed in Episode II and III. As presented, there was nowhere for these characters to go. Dooku was literally identical at the beginning of the series as he was at the end, and the same can be said about the others. 

But these are false constraints the writers imposed upon themselves. Grievous was not in Episode II and was introduced in Episode III. TCW could have started him however they wanted and then illustrated his change into the character he later becomes. Who was he? What was his motivation? Why did he hate Jedi so much? The show was handed a completely clean slate to deliver a character from scratch, but instead we were immediately shown “Episode III General Grievous” with zero introduction because fans were expected to already know who he was. 

This is partly why the backstory episode to Grievous was so compelling, at least in premise: viewing his home was personal to his story and it represented a chance to learn a bit more about the character and where he came from. Of course, it was mostly mishandled by a reliance on meaningless action, but the high ratings of that particular episode suggest there was room for quality television here, it just was never capitalized on.

Instead, we have completely static caricatures, especially for minor characters from the movies. Admiral Tarkin, Admiral Ackbar, Greedo (among others) were written out of cardboard and their roles in the plot could have just as easily been played by anyone else (there was nothing unique about their roles that required them to be these characters). 

This is a shame because a lot could have been done with the established premise to really focus on Anakin, his motivations, and his relationship to his Padawan. I would have been okay with a lot of backtracking if it meant I could begin to grasp his “fall” to the Dark Side. Instead, I’m honestly more confused than ever about his motivation.

One argument is that Anakin joins the Dark Side because he like, “loves” Padme (or whatever). However, what we’re shown in this show---consistently, clearly---is that Padme and Anakin have a toxic, dysfunctional relationship. He is uncomfortably jealous and rarely trusts her. They argue nearly every time they’re together. Their “love” (or whatever) must remain secret, equating their relationship to something “wrong” or even “illegal” that must be kept secret, even on the verge of death. In a later episode, Anakin orders Padme to listen to him because he’s the “man” and, as his wife, she doesn’t have a say in the matter. This is clearly a broken relationship and the best result is the one that actually happens: They stop seeing each other. Anakin wants to save this woman from a vision? Why? 

This brings up a second point, which is that Anakin can’t stand the pain of losing someone. His desire to protect those close to him may be Anakin’s only redeeming trait. He has a single selfless scene (in the entire show) during the opening of Jedi Crash where he sacrifices himself to delay an explosion and save his companions. I want to stress that any other scene where Anakin saves or helps someone isn’t done because he’s a good person, it’s done because he’s a broken person. It’s done because he, personally, would struggle with the emotional toll of knowing he allowed someone close to him to be hurt or die. In other words, he’s doing nice things for selfish reasons. 

As far as I’m concerned, Anakin has always been Darth Vader. He is given choices between being a Jedi and allowing a lot of people to die, and he enjoys choosing the second. In Ghosts of Mortis, we’re shown that the threshold between “Anakin” and “Darth Vader” is disconcertingly low, requiring only a few choice words and less than a minute to convert him. In short, what I’ve learned from TCW regarding Anakin Skywalker is that he was an unlikable dick, and his “turn” to the Dark Side was just a long-overdue reveal. 

While the later seasons worked towards the events in Episode III in a way that at least made a bit of sense, earlier seasons were focused on adult-themed wacky hijinks. In a way, the show almost would have worked better as a kid’s show, but this was clearly meant for adults: politics, war, slavery, and lots and lots of horrific violence. In comparison, the silly adventures of Star Wars: Resistance worked well because the show didn’t take itself too seriously. It was very clearly, from the start, a lighthearted show about kids going on fun adventures. In contrast, TCW suffered because its themes were adult in nature, but was portrayed as a Saturday morning cartoon show. The humor was misplaced, the tone disjointed from actual events, and the violence excessive. 

Let me say a few words on the “Jedi.” Initially I labeled them as overpowered (OP), because in earlier episodes they seemed invincible and dissolved tension in every scene. Later, we see a slew of them get cut down as plot fodder, even against widely different situations. We see Luminara and others push through hoards of droids only to see “Jedi” Master Yoda-like dude get taken down by a dog. We watch as Fisto *heh* powers through entire battalions and the cone-head guy counting coup against an army, only to watch as pink girl gets shot in the face by a single clone who stands in front of her for several seconds before pulling the trigger. 

It’s nearly impossible to feel tension in these scenes because the metrics for judging the true strength of a “Jedi” keep shifting as a function of the plot requirements. Anakin suddenly forgets how to use the Force when the plot needs his help to fake some drama. Prequel!Wan pointlessly fist fights with a slaver cat for an hour until the plot needs him to get back up again and OP everyone in the room. Even their ships are only as strong or weak as the plot needs them to be. Plo Koon’s fleet is devastated in seconds in order to portray the Malevolence as being a threat; Anakin’s fleet powers through a larger force three times its size because Anakin’s like, really mad about something. 

Secondly, the “Jedi,” in general, were unlikable assholes. They were consistently portrayed as violent and ignorant and I struggled to understand them as real people. Frequently, we witnessed them torture victims, default to a lightsaber to solve problems, and enjoy death to the point of counting coup against sentient life forms defending their homes. Anakin threatened civilians with his lightsaber. Ahsoka was annoyed when she’s asked not to murder a defenseless creature in Jedi Crash. Prequel!Wan and Anakin team up to hurtle enormous rocks into a beaten monster in Dooku Captured. A trio of Jedi Masters mentally gang bang a shackled Cad Bane. They supported state terrorism when it suited their needs, but agreed to abandon their friends for political reasons. 

I mean, these are not good people...

This is a shame, because my impression of true Jedi comes from Luke, Yoda, and Obi-Wan in the OT, as well as the expanded universe novels that take place afterwards. It always seemed to me that being a Jedi was about conquering oneself, one’s fears, and learning to use the Force to selflessly help others and let go of all worldly attachments. You know, like the Buddhists they were originally inspired by. I always had the impression that the Force was extremely powerful and that Yoda was only showing Luke a portion of what was possible. That the Emperor was only using Force lighting to toy with Luke. That Vader only Force choked his officers because it was visually intimidating and kept them in line. 

Instead, we’re treated to some garbage about how a “Jedi” is nothing greater than an actuator to swing around a lightsaber. When Luke enters Jabba’s palace in Jedi to rescue his friends, it’s not with lightsaber swinging, cutting shit up, flipping around like an acrobatic monkey. Imagine Anakin and Ahsoka in the same scene. They’d blaze through the palace corridors before Force choking Jabba as the Darth Vader theme plays. Forget the rancor, these are demigods. They have lightsabers. Have you seen them? They go “woosh woosh.” 

In short, there was little to look up to in terms of a “hero” character. I can see how children can look up to Luke as a role model, someone they want to emulate or play with as a toy, but looking up to Anakin? Ahsoka? Hey kids, wanna learn to become a psychopath? First, you use your power to abuse those who are weaker than you. Then you need to get really really angry and uncontrollably choke someone, preferably your sister or one of your cousins. 

And so, for a Saturday morning cartoon show, it is very unclear who we’re supposed to care about. I liked when Ahsoka went against Anakin because I hated his character so much. I liked everything with Hondo, a pirate. I liked Ventress a little, because she was actively seeking to kill the main characters. I liked some of the clones, but I don’t know which ones because they all looked the same. I cared about Darth Maul because I’m honestly a little worried about him, especially after the loss of his brother. I kinda liked General Grievous just because he hates the “Jedi” and was therefore relatable (even though the reasoning was never explained). And... that’s it. 

At no point did I ever “look forward” to the next episode. I painfully died a little on the inside hitting the “watch next” button every single time.

This “review” is already way too long, so let me summarize by applying my five-star rating system (developed for movies) to each episode. In review:

5. Amazing, classic, culturally important. Something everyone should watch.  4. Great; very well done, no significant flaws. 3: Entertaining with only minor gripes/criticisms.  2: “Watchable,” but suffers from flaws and has some poor parts.  1. Uncomfortably bad; suffers from serious flaws. 0. Painfully bad, would actively fight against being forced to watch a second time. 

The 3-star episodes were: 

Hostage Crisis

Lightsaber Lost 

Pursuit of Peace

Carnage of Krell

The Wrong Jedi 

Hostage Crisis was the introduction of Cad Bane, Lightsaber Lost was the remake of Stray Dog (and the only episode to include a real Jedi), Pursuit of Peace was the random Padme/politics episode that was strangely well-executed, Carnage of Krell was the reveal of Krell as a bad guy and his clones working to apprehend him, and The Wrong Jedi was Ahsoka leaving the Jedi Order (and the only episode to include a true character moment). 

Also, I scaled the IMDB ratings of each episode to my ratings and then detected outliers in their overlap. In other words, I wanted to answer the question, “which episodes did I rate the most differently from others?” 

Turns out, I rated every single episode lower except for seven. Those seven were: 

Mercy Mission (+1.853) - R2 and 3PO discover an underground world with ents. This one is universally panned by “fans,” but was a competently handled episode apart from the disappointing resolution. 

Pursuit of Peace (+1.382) - Padme struggles to win support for a Senate bill. Another competently handled episode that focuses on Padme and politics and is ranked low by “fans.”

Lightsaber Lost (+0.6471) 

Weapons Factory (+0.4118) - An average episode with a dramatic scene of sacrifice by Ahsoka and her “friend” Barriss. 

Shadow Warrior (+0.3824) - Grievous is captured during some dramatic moments on Naboo. 

Hostage Crisis (+0.3529)

Front Runners (+0.0882) - One of the rebels episodes, I don’t remember which. 

In conclusion, Star Wars: Rebels is next and I am somehow still alive.

[starwarshyperdrive]

Predictions after seeing the D23 footage and reading too many stupid fan theories..again.

So now that the ‘special look’ has been out for a while and there are some alleged plot leaks on reddit, I think it’s time for to go over my predictions. Mostly to be able to say ‘I knew it’ and ‘I told you’ later on, because there is no chance in hell that Rey is just one many clones from Lukes hand or the emperor or any of the other wild theories that spread across the internet. And without pointing fingers or mentioning names, if you can’t even get minor (hint) details right and have a horrible track record, how do people still listen to you? Because you have a lot of subscribers on Youtube? Welcome to the Internet..

This might contain spoilers so be warned:

- Finn is not Landos son and Jannah is not his sister, because there are more than 3 black people in the galaxy you know. Star Wars might be about family, but not everyone is related. Palpatine was a bit ginger, that doesn’t make him Hux’ grandfather either.. Will we learn about Finns family. What for? What is there to gain story-wise. That’s something everyone coming upon with wild theories needs to ask themselves. 

- is Jannah (Naomi Ackie) Landos daugher? See above. Looking at the little evidence we have so far she has always been seen on a grassy planet, whereas Lando is known to have filmed Millennium Falcon and Pasaana scenes at a sound stage.  There are theories that the planets won’t be one biosphere, breaking with Star Wars tradition, so it’s still possible however unlikely that they are related. 

Just look at the pilots gloves and helmet. This isn’t the Millennium Falcon 

-  C-3POs red eyes. There are conflicting rumors about the cause, one being spiritual and the other being.. technical. I think it’s more likely that his eyes change color due to operational rather than ‘esoteric’ reasons. Also in relation to him being shown holding a bowcaster and Anthony Daniels telling Vanity Fair that ‘C-3PO does something in this movie that surprises everybody’.

- Red laser destroying snow planet. I assume that’s Kijimi where Zorri Bliss is located and where according to some plot leaks some altercation takes place. Looks like the First Order doesn’t fuck around.

- Rey training in the forest throwing her lightsaber is most likely connected to Leia standing in the same environment dropping some Jedi knowledge she got from Luke. I’m wondering what the red ribbon is about. I’m gonna get crazy and say it might be a blindfold. There is also a Jedi training droid present, so why wouldn’t she training ‘blind’ with it just like Luke did.  I’m gonna go out on a limb and propose something with a 5% likelihood of being true, but.. as is looks a bit as the red ribbon is also wrapped around the double bladed light saber ‘dark Rey’ is holding later on, so what if.. it’s something related to her parents and her ‘holding onto it’ is a dark side trait she needs to conquer. Star Wars is filled with symbolism and philosophical motifs like that. ‘Let go’ of your need to belong. Don’t dwell in the past. Even Maz told her ‘The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead.’. Could be that or just a regular rag. Probably the latter, but it’s sure fun to theorize. #theorizeresponsibly

- Rey and Kylo fighting on what looks like the Death Star remains. I think a lot of people now tend to believe that JJ Abrams is bypassing The Last Jedi and continue his initial story, not ignoring the movie but positioning it as a detour for the characters to find themselves. And for once I agree what seems to be the consensus amongst Star Wars theorists. I think what we see here is not unlike the force flashes Rey had when she first touched the lightsaber. I can imagine them changing environment with every stroke of their lightsabers. That allows for a ‘best of Star Wars’ highlight reel, so desperately needed to reunite fans after the The Last Jedi backlash, that would combine all the previous movies. And that’s what they promised. 

- voiceover ‘your journey nears its end’. Is it just me or does it not sound like the emperor. I mean it sounds like Ian McDiarmid alright, but I’m missing the uber-evil timbre of his voice. Who is he talking to and will the emperor appear in this movie? First of all.. when we talk about tying together all the movies, we must not ignore the so called ‘tone poems’ used for The Phantom Menace. Based on that I’d say he isn't necessarily talking to anyone. Or even more recently, in The Force Awakens trailer they used Lukes ‘the force is strong in my family..’. So I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s just a distraction or to set the mood. My guess is that the emperors ‘spirit’ looms above everything and had the power to influence other people, just like depicted on the poster. There had been speculation about Snoke being some sort of Wizard of Oz early on. What if the wizard behind the wizard is actually worse. Wouldn’t that be wizard?

- Dark Rey. I will say one thing, I was happy to see that most fans immediately were like ‘dark side vision!’. If you read my earlier posts you will know how much I LOVE new lightsaber designs in every movie. Not. Especially when they are pointless. When I said I want a saber staff this is not what I mean. The only thing that makes me a bit skeptical is that Daisy Ridley said she was surprised that they’d show that scene in trailer. If it’s just a vision like the one Luke had, what’s the big deal? Then again, they also claimed that everyone will absolutely love the movie and especially the end. Enter wild fan theories from ‘she saw multiple reflections of herself in the cave. Clone Rey confirmed!!!11!!’ to ‘She must be Palpatines granddaughter’. I said it before and I’ll happily say it again. That would be SHIT STORYTELLING. After all the impatient smart-asses calling Rey a ‘Mary Sue’ not knowing anything about her origins, how would the public react to good old Palpatine having a granddaughter? That’s Robot Chicken level stupid. Now.. considering that an early draft of Revenge of the Sith had Palpatine telling Anakin that he ‘is his father’ for manipulating the midichlorians to create life, from a certain point of view that would make him Reys father IF he tried again. And it would fit much better into the established story structure of Star Wars. Every story that requires knowledge of the extended universe outside of movies or lengthy exposition will lead to casual fans and ordinary moviegoers to be like WTF?! It might be the last movie for a while but they still want people to go and not be appalled from early reviews about the movie being a convoluted clusterfuck. I also think the ‘clone’ idea is a cop out. Whenever you’re stuck because you can’t explain the origin of a character or don’t know how to deal with the death of a character - BAMM! Clone! Problem solved. That's just lazy. So to sum it up. Dark Rey? Vision of what she was supposed to be or should be because it backfired? ‘Darkness rises, and light to meet it. I warned my young apprentice that as he grew stronger, his equal in the light would rise.’ (Snoke)

- Sith Fleet / Sith Troopers ..those following the new canon even just a bit are already aware of the importance of the ‘Unknown Regions’. Its hard to miss references to it these days, from Galaxys Edge to Rebels. So how are they gonna explain this in the movie? From a storytelling point it makes sense. The empire was defeated and its remnants were hiding and regrouping. Hang on. This sounds like a job for OPENING CRAWL. OK, so there is a massive fleet. Maybe unrelated to the First Order, but looking pretty similar. Based on the state of the Resistance after the Last Jedi one might assume it’s not really needed. Does that mean we’re dealing with an internal struggle of sorts.There are persisting rumors of a high ranking First Order member leaking details to the Resistance, which doesn’t come as a surprise given Kylo Rens personality. Reminds be a bit of Operation Valkyrie. 

I’m delving deep into leaks and rumors but as things are now I have no idea how this pans out and what the relationship between Sith Trooper and First Order will be. Apparently you need a certain navigational device to be able to make it to the Unknown Regions, so my guess is Kylo is looking for more knowledge/power there just like Palpatine did, the rest is pure speculation so I will leave it for another time when more details surface. Same goes for stuff that’s not directly related to the ‘D23 Special View’ such as ‘who is Zorri Bliss?’.

[elsajeni]

May the 4th 2019 Letter

Dear Yoda,

Hi! Thanks for checking in! You’ve seen my general likes/DNWs in my sign-up already, but let me restate it here so it’s all in one place, and then we’ll get to the ship-specific stuff...

Likes: family feelings; bantering or bickering; moments of humor even in the darkest situations; misunderstandings that turn out all right in the end; poly relationships; casual relationships; hurt/comfort.

Sexy Likes, if you go in that direction: light bondage; lots of talking during sex, both sweet and dirty; realistic funny or awkward moments. If you're writing about teen characters (since some relationships I've requested would lend themselves to that), I'd rather not have anything explicit on-page, but I'm fine with offscreen or fade-to-black implied sex.

DNWs: rape/non-con unless specified; incest; explicit scenes with underage characters; detailed description of bodily fluids; drastically different AUs (what-ifs and canon-divergent fics are fine, this is about coffeeshop AUs, A/B/O, etc.); infidelity; unrelentingly dark and grim stories (I like a glimmering of hope).

Star Wars canon preferences: I'm sure you can tell from my request list that I love and miss the old EU/Legends content. For any request that features Legends characters, I'd be very happy with a purely Legends-based fic, but I also love gluing the loose ends of Legends continuity into the loose ends of sequel trilogy continuity; please feel free to mix and match Legends and canon material.

Relationship-specific prompts:

X-Wing Division:

Biggs Darklighter/Luke Skywalker

I like this best as a teen relationship that grows a little awkwardly out of their friendship, is fun while it lasts, and transitions pretty easily back into friendship when it ends. That said, whatever you do with this pairing, it’s going to be a little bit tinged with sadness; if you prefer it a LOT tinged with sadness, I’d also be delighted with a fic taking place in the brief window between when they reconnect in the Rebellion and the Death Star run.

Alternately, get weird with it – find a way for Biggs to survive, or bring him back from the dead. Write that Space Winter Soldier AU that I secretly kind of love, or Luke being haunted by the literal ghosts of his past.

Wedge Antilles/Luke Skywalker

I would really like something that brings Wedge into the sequel trilogy timeline, and especially a look at what Luke’s choice to isolate himself means for their relationship. Was Wedge ever on Ahch-To with him? Have they been in contact at all since he disappeared? When he’s found, is Wedge in a rush to see him again, or are his feelings more complicated? (As you may be guessing here, this is an area where I am very comfortable with a “not actually dead” AU! If you like a more tragic tone, though, do feel free to go with the canonical ending of TLJ.)

I’d also love this as a more early-relationship fic -- if you go that route, I’m interested in the pressures that their respective positions and commitments put on a relationship, and especially the difficulty of maintaining a relationship with someone who keeps disappearing on incomprehensible Jedi business.

Wedge Antilles/Wes Janson

Let’s be honest, I’m mostly looking for more Wraith Squadron/Starfighters of Adumar-style shenanigans here. Alternately, this is a pairing that lends itself to hurt/comfort – both of these guys have more than enough canonical close calls. Or why not a bit of both? If you’re feeling ambitious, you could fix Isard’s Revenge for me by writing their reunion post-Distna, after they’ve both believed each other to be dead for weeks.

Falynn Sandskimmer

Listen. I’ve been marching up and down carrying this banner that says “FALYNN SANDSKIMMER DESERVED BETTER” for so long. My arms are so tired. You take it for a minute, won’t you?

Let her survive and prove herself and be happy, with Myn or without (slight preference for without, tbh!). I’d love to see her get over the embarrassment of thoughtlessly insulting Piggy and develop a real friendship with him. Or write me something from her past -- teen Falynn raising hell in Mos Eisley, or the misadventures in her early career that put her on track for Wraith Squadron.

Threesomes Division:

Lando Calrissian/Mara Jade, Lando Calrissian/Mara Jade/Luke Skywalker

I liked Lando and Mara’s EU relationship, and wasn’t too happy with the “it was a cover” retcon – show me the time, or times, that it wasn’t just a cover. Or, how about an earlier meeting in their lives, when Mara was brand-new to Karrde’s organization, or during the few days they must have overlapped at Jabba’s Palace?

I’ve always liked Luke and Lando as a romantic pairing, too, so why not bring it all together? Three people who all care deeply for each other, who aren’t often in the same place at the same time, but when they are, well… let’s meet over a mug of hot chocolate and see where the evening takes us. (I’d prefer this with everyone on more-or-less equal footing – not with Luke and Mara as an established/married couple and Lando as the outsider.)

Wedge Antilles/Mara Jade/Luke Skywalker

I’d love to see this as a V gradually changing shapes into a more even triad, as Wedge and Mara come to see more in each other than Commander Square Corners and a barely-trustworthy reformed assassin. I’m most interested in this as a getting-together or early-relationship fic, with everyone sorting out their feelings and their respective claims on each other.

Wedge Antilles/Leia Organa/Han Solo, Lando Calrissian/Leia Organa/Han Solo

Another two that go together! With either of these, what I’d most like to see is Leia and Han inviting a friend (or, in Lando’s case, a friendly ex) into their bedroom as a one-time fling or a casual, but ongoing, FWB arrangement; I’m less interested in a long-term triad. If it’s Lando, I’d love to see a little tension between him and Leia as they sort out the boundaries of their respective claims on Han, but ultimately I do want this to be a happy, fun encounter for everyone involved. If you go with Wedge, I’ve always been very fond of his close friendship with Leia in the EU, and I’d like that to be his closer tie to her and Han.

Long Shots Division:

Leia Organa & Beru Whitesun

I would be MOST interested in this as a roleswap AU where Leia is the twin raised on the Lars farm. They thought Luke was headstrong and too like his father -- what a challenge raising Leia would have been. I’d love to see a look at that alternate childhood for Leia, and her relationship with her aunt in particular.

Alternately, find a way for Beru to survive, and to meet her boy’s new friends and family -- does she figure out who Leia is? (Did she know there was another baby?) What do they think of each other? Is Leia a little dismissive, maybe, of a Nice Mom Who Makes Cheese, or do they connect right away?

Mara Jade/Gara Petothel | Lara Notsil

Is this ridiculous? Yes. Do I love it anyway? Yes.

The most plausible version of this is maybe Mara/ “Kirney” during Lara’s Intelligence training -- the timeline is ambiguous, but it doesn’t seem crazy to think they might have been on Imperial Center at the same time, or that the Emperor’s Hand might have been sent to some of the society parties where Kirney made herself at home. Alternately, I think they could have some very interesting things to say to each other later on, after they’ve both changed sides (at least once) and are dealing with what the Empire did to their heads.

Garik “Face” Loran/Ton Phanan

This is in the Long Shots Division because I have a weirdly specific desire here: ghosts. Give me Ton hanging around after death -- where else does he have to go, after all? Haunting all the Wraiths, or just Face, or trying to figure out how he can go haunt some Imperials and ruin their day. Making Face miserable, or still making him laugh (and is he real, or is this some kind of coping mechanism, and does Face want to find out which?), or not seeming to know he’s dead. Just... Ghost Ton. Pls.

Alternately, I’d also be happy with them getting into shenanigans and having lots of pleasant casual sex during happier days. But I love ghosts.

Oola/Leia Organa

There wasn’t a LOT of time for dancers to hang around unwatched at Jabba’s Palace, and they were only there together for a couple of days (and even that, only if we fudge the timeline a little). But sometimes it only takes a couple of days, and sometimes all you need is a few bright stolen moments.

Miscellaneous Division:

DJ/Talon Karrde

I’ll be honest, I don’t really have a plan here, I just think this is a fantastic idea. I was thinking about Karrde the whole time DJ was on screen, and half-expecting him to turn out to BE Karrde, and I am delighted by the idea of this pairing. I think there’s something interesting here about grey areas, and the “rogue with a heart of gold” archetype, and what, realistically, it means to play both sides against the middle when one side is clearly and melodramatically evil.

Mara Jade & Darth Vader

I’m interested in Mara’s childhood and youth, and the sort of... just-under-the-surface yawning horror that we know is there, but that’s not really dug into much in the EU. Give me something with her and Vader encountering each other -- as rivals for Palpatine’s attention, as tentative allies, as student and teacher, or as...

Mara Jade/Darth Vader

... something more than any of that. This could go in a lot of different ways, from something as relatively innocent as an uncomfortable attraction between two people with no one else to talk to, to something as dark as the Emperor ordering one of them to the other’s bedroom. Whatever direction you go with it, I do want it to treat the power dynamics and age dynamics here seriously, and to lean into the darkness that’s present in what we know about Mara’s childhood and youth – no one here is having a good time or doing something they’ll be happy to look back on.

(This is the one sort-of-exception to the “no rape/non-con” clause; it’s a pairing that lends itself to questionable or compromised consent, and I’m into that. The line between what’s “dubcon” and what’s “non-con” is blurry, but as much as possible, I’d prefer that you stay on the dubcon side of it -- deceit, coercion, and uncomfortable power imbalances, yes; violence, physical or Force-based force, or explicit non-consent that’s ignored, no.)

(This is NOT an exception to the “no explicit scenes with underage characters” clause. If you write this with Mara as a teen, please keep anything explicitly sexual off-screen.)

Winter Celchu/Leia Organa

I’d like to see this as a youthful experiment between friends – something casual that doesn’t last, but that remains a fond memory and a little bit of an in-joke.

Obi-Wan Kenobi/Owen Lars/Beru Whitesun

Obi-Wan – Ben, now – stays nearby, after he leaves the baby with them. Maybe it’s to keep an eye out, to make sure Anakin’s child doesn’t draw any undue attention. But maybe it’s not just that.

I’d love basically anything you do with this – a one-time fling that everyone is a little embarrassed about in the morning; an arrangement that sees Obi-Wan stopping by the homestead infrequently for dinner and conversation and, after the kid goes to bed, a night of companionship; a full-on AU where Luke grows up with Uncle Ben as essentially a third parent. (Whatever you do here, Luke will obviously be around! But I am more interested in this focusing on the relationship between the adults, not on any of their relationships with Luke.)

[gondalsqueen]

Chapters: 18/18 Fandom: Star Wars: Rebels Rating: Explicit Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla, Ketsu Onyo/Sabine Wren, Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios Characters: Hera Syndulla, C1-10P | Chopper, Original Characters, Kanan Jarrus, Ezra Bridger, Sabine Wren, Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios, Alexsandr Kallus, CT-7567 | Rex, Mart Mattin, Wedge Antilles, Ketsu Onyo, Jacen Syndulla, Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Ackbar (Star Wars), Lando Calrissian, Jan Dodonna, Ahsoka Tano Additional Tags: Pregnancy, vague mentions of abortion, future character death in the background, Season/Series 04, Established Relationship, Oral Sex, Chair Sex, Table Sex, sex during pregnancy, chapter 2 has lots of sex, Secrets, the best pilot in the galaxy, flying combat, character injury, canon torture, flight of the defender, rebel assault, Jedi Night, Major character death - Freeform, Grief, Morning Sickness, Counseling, Masturbation, Dreams, Traditions, Space family, Inappropriate bets, Lothal, Shopping, down time, Space Combat, Battle of Scarif, Rogue One - Freeform, hammerhead corvette!, Yavin 4, Stardust - Freeform, Alderaan, Death Star, labor, Childbirth, domestic life, Lothwolves, Dogfight - Freeform, Hoth, did i mention babies yet?, Babies!, One baby, Work/Life Balance, Advice, Bounty Hunters, Capture, this story has it all apparently, Return of the Jedi, Second Death Star, Existential Anxiety, parenting, Breakups, wine and cheesecake, wine and cheesecake needs its own tag, battle of endor, Battle for Coruscant, forces of destiny: an imperial feast, The New Republic - Freeform, Quests, letting go, Travel, ask me no questions i'll tell you no lies, but one of these days you'll get a surprise Summary: The end. Kind of. 

...

Something had happened to Ezra out there, something he wasn’t ready to talk about until after this vacation was over. None of them pried. He was...different, in a lot of ways. Grown up. He finally believed in his own adequacy. With that confidence came an edge of brooding that reminded her of Kanan, though. Hera hoped he stuck around where they could support him, whatever he was facing.

In other ways he was still their Ezra—surprisingly predictable given all the time that had passed, and still the baby of the crew until they adjusted their thinking and changed the way they treated him accordingly.

To no one’s surprise, he and Jacen got along well. Their bonding mostly consisted of wrestling, with some sword fighting and a little chase for variety. Hera could have done without the just-before-bed play that infallibly kept Jacen awake and hyper. She didn’t say anything, though, because the two of them had a lot of time to make up for.  

Tonight Jacen was trying to push Ezra into Alexsandr’s small fishpond. Since Ezra vastly outweighed him he was failing, but he made up for it by practically strangling his opponent in the process — by accident, Hera was pretty sure. Really, Ezra had bought this when he picked Jacen up off the ground and threw him over his shoulder.

Oh, and that was a knee in the face.

“Ow!” Ezra protested. “Kid, you are deadly!” He twisted out from under Jacen and somehow they both ended up on their feet, facing each other. Quick as a flash, Ezra tapped Jacen’s shoulder.

“Hey!”

“Block me, then. Like this.” He showed Jacen how to bring his hands up in front of him and deflect the blows. Then he tapped Jace’s knee. “Got you! This is how you block with your feet. Try to tap my knees.”

“Your shoulders, too!”

“Sure, if you can reach.”

Hera watched her son eye a nearby boulder. She hoped he was planning to climb on it and not throw it at Ezra.

Then they both went at each other, jumping towards a shoulder or knee and dashing out again, blocking on one side and darting in on the other. Ezra went easy on Jacen, but he sped up as they played and Jace kept pace with him.

The whole thing ended when Jacen got sick of it, yelled “ATTACK!” and somersaulted across the ground towards his target. He bumped harmlessly against Ezra’s legs, but in the attempt not to step on him Ezra backpedalled and, with a whirling of arms, ended up in the water.

Hmm. Somehow they had both ended up in the water.

“Bathtime!” Hera called.

“It’s not!”

“It is, in fact, a solid hour past BEDtime.”

Ezra hit the shower in Zeb’s place while Hera scrubbed the slime off of Jacen in the Ghost’s fresher. Forty-five minutes later they’d finished showering, cleaning teeth, a snack that he didn’t ask permission to get, and teeth a second time, and they were cuddled together on Jacen’s bunk reading their nightly chapter of whatever novel Jace had picked. Since he’d gotten old enough to understand them, he’d mostly chosen from a children’s series of adventure stories about — guess what? — Jedi. Hera, remembering her own childhood, couldn’t blame him.

She read: “Shuyen closed her eyes and took a deep breath, reaching out to the Force as she fell. She could feel the air rushing past her. The wind whipped at her face roughly, but it wasn’t enough to hold her up…”

Sabine passed by the door and stopped to listen for a minute. “Are you reading Knights of the Old Republic to him?”

“Yes.”

“That’s sending mixed messages, don’t you think?”

“He likes it,” Hera told her, aware of how defensive she sounded. “It’s a good story. Who am I to tell him what to like?”

Sabine held her hands up. “Fair enough. Carry on.”

Hera finished the chapter, the Jedi who had fallen off the cliff while being chased by Sith warriors arriving unscathed back at the temple. “That’s a good stopping place for tonight,” she told Jacen, smoothing his hair back. He’d started to grow it out and they were both learning how to manage the tangles that was causing, but right now it was clean and brushed and smelled like shampoo, and she breathed in the scent gratefully.

He nestled into to her side. “Mama?”

“Yes?”

“Is Rex going to come back?”

“No, baby, Rex isn’t going to come back.”

“But Ezra came back.”

“Ezra wasn’t dead, love,” she told him gently. “Nobody comes back from the dead.” She paused for a moment to let that sink in, then continued, “I know it’s hard. It hurts for me, too.”

“I like Ezra.” He was trying to think something out. Hera waited. “But...I’d rather have Rex.”

“I can understand that.”

“But that’s mean of me, right?”

“Well…” she answered as honestly as she could. “You don’t want someone to die. You just miss the person you love. I think it’s very normal. Probably not the best idea to mention it to Ezra, though. It might hurt his feelings.”

He nodded and she tucked him into bed with a song and a kiss. “Sleep,” she told him. “You are exhausted. Go to sleep.”

“Okay,” Jacen said around a big yawn.

Sneaking out of the room a moment later she passed by the open doorway of Ezra’s bunk and caught a snatch of conversation. “...her turn for a while,” Sabine was saying. Then Ezra: “Coruscant is good place to stay, anyway. We’re going to need to talk about defenses. Maybe exploratory missions, but that might be a bad idea. IF they even decide to believe me.”

Keep moving, Hera, she told herself. She went to the cockpit to give the monitors one last check for the evening and tried to remember that Sabine and Ezra were adults and it was perfectly reasonable for them to live on whatever planet they wanted to. But maybe, maybe, maybe she’d get them back for a while. It was worth hoping.

Ezra joined her a few minutes later, a mug of warm hubba juice in each hand. “Best place to watch the sunset,” he explained. The summer sunsets on Lira San were amazing, oranges and purples breaking through the thick cloud cover. Hera swung the copilot’s seat around for him and he passed her a cup.

“Two more days and then Lothal, right?” he asked.

“If that’s still what you want.”

“Yeah. Sabine says it’s changed a lot. I can’t even remember before the Empire came anymore.”

Hera smiled. “It’s a good place. Not perfect, but Azadi made it pretty welcoming even before the Emperor fell.”

“You guys were there a lot.”

“Second home, but it will be better with you back.”

“Yeah.” He shrugged, looking like his teenage self for the moment of the gesture. “Everything’s different, but it’s really good BEING back. I’m still trying to...fit in, I guess.”  

“Hey. You do fit in,” Hera told him, giving the chair a little kick to spin him towards her. “You’re one of ours. And Jace loves having you around. Chop and I are too busy to play with him as much as he’d like, and it’s been a while since we’ve had anyone else on the Ghost.”

“Yeah, Ezra Bridger, Jedi Knight, hero to six-year-olds everywhere.” He rolled his eyes.

Hera laughed. “At first that was the draw, sure. But he had a lot of...anxiety, too. He’d heard stories about you his whole life and he knew how important you were to all of us, and to have you standing before him in the flesh…” She shrugged. “But now I don’t think you’re Ezra Bridger, Jedi Knight. I think you’re his friend.”

“He’s really great, Hera. Thinks he can do anything. He...reminds me of you that way.”

She sighed. “He didn’t know you were a Jedi.”

“Okay.”

“He doesn’t know Kanan was a Jedi.”

A pause. “Okay.” Ezra didn’t push. Once he would have pushed.

“The hand game — those were forms,” Hera said. “Lightsaber forms. I’ve seen you practice them with Kanan.”

“Yeah, well…” Ezra ran his hand over the back of his hair awkwardly. “They’re kind of drilled into me, so I guess I just go there automatically when it comes to fighting. Is...that all right?”

“It’s all right,” she said, picking at the fraying edge of the seat cushion. “It’s good. There are so many things I’ve wanted to ask you about that.”

“About lightsaber forms?”  

She shook her head. “Ezra, I know this seems like a subject change, but...were you happy as a child? Or were you...confused?”

“What do you mean? I had kind of a rotten childhood.”

“Before that. When you were small, with your parents, and you could do things that nobody could explain. Did it confuse you or upset you?”

He considered her words carefully. “Let me think.” After a solid minute of silence, he said, “No. I heard things sometimes that I knew were true, and my mom said they were only my imagination. I think that’s not rare for kids, though. It’s just that in my case, they actually WERE true. The rest of the time, it was just fun to run and jump off of things without worrying about how I was going to land, or to know that people were probably going to believe whatever outrageous lie I told. Stuff like that. Hera… Jacen’s definitely Force sensitive. Does he use any of those abilities?”

“Oh…” she laughed to cover her worry. “Yes.” She’d watched for signs all of his life and could give a detailed list of ‘yes’es ‘no’s and ‘maybe’s. “He’s always been good at picking up moods, but I think he’s just a smart, social kid. Sometimes he knows things that haven’t happened yet, but only in a vague way — he has a feeling that someone’s coming to visit, or he knows we’ll find something around the next corner. He can climb and jump off of anything and he somehow hasn’t broken a bone yet. I don’t mean normal child risk-taking. You saw him take a dive off the Ghost the other day. And then there are the animals that seem to follow him around like he’s some kind of magnet.”

Ezra laughed.

“...which I blame you for,” she added.

“How is that my fault?”

“I haven’t figured that out yet, but the similarity is striking.”

“I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“I don’t want him to be a Jedi,” she said more seriously. “I don’t even want him to be a half-Jedi, partially trained. The Force asks...too much. We know how that ends and I won’t give him up that way. But… if I refuse to let him train when it’s available to him, he’s just going to do it anyway, and he’ll end up doing it behind my back, without my support. Or running off.” She thought of her own childhood. “It’s not my place to hold him back if that’s what he wants.”

“Well...does he WANT to be a Jedi?”

“He’s six years old. Every six-year-old wants to be a Jedi.”

“He’d be good at it. Kind. Flexible. Reminds me of someone else I knew.”

“Me too,” she admitted. “That scares me.”

“Hmm.” Ezra thought about that. “There’s not exactly a trade school for Jedi Knights. The few of us left with any ability have no idea what we’re doing. He’ll probably end up using those talents, but using them in some other field.”

“Maybe. But I don’t want to keep him locked away from the world — locked away from himself — because I’m afraid.”

“Hera, you’re not afraid of anything.”

She sighed and stopped picking at the worn corner of the pilot’s chair so he could see her hands shaking. “That’s not true, and I have changed.”

Ezra frowned. “You want me to train him?” he asked. “Is that what this conversation is about?”

“Not...yet. Not now. But I don’t want anybody else to train him.”

“Luke Skywalker is talking about starting a school.”

“NO. I like Luke. He’s a good kid. But he doesn’t understand the dangers… He hasn’t walked that path, and he doesn’t know what it takes to guide your student safely instead of just following the rules.”

“Hera, I don’t know either.”

“That’s okay. Falling is fine as long as there’s someone to catch you. You would never let anything bad happen to him.”

“Hmph.” Ezra crossed his arms and looked out at the clouds, that stone expression on his face. “I wish I could promise that.”

...

From Lira San they traveled to Lothal. Hera let Sabine show Ezra the sights because she had something else to show Jacen.

The bombed-out Imperial hangar wasn’t hard to reach, despite being perched on one of the dolmens at the edge of Capital City. If you took a shuttle, that is. Hera parked the Phantom halfway up the mountain and made them walk the rest of the way because “it will be fun!” Forty minutes into the uphill hike, Jacen wasn’t finding it particularly fun.

“Why couldn’t we just FLY up there?” he asked, perilously close to a whine.

“Because we’re taking a nice hike together and it’s going to be more enjoyable to see if you make it there yourself than if you just fly up and park.”

Poor kid — his hair was a sweaty wreck. “To be clear,” he said. “I AM getting a real birthday party tomorrow, with friends and cake and stuff, right?”

“Padawan’s honor. Sabine even made you guys those robes and staffs so you could dress up as High Jedi. Though I still don’t know what a High Jedi is.”

“It’s like a really wise, powerful Jedi,” Jacen explained. “Kind of like a wizard.”

She raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“It’s from Rangers of the Force.”

“I didn’t know you could read books that hard.”

“I listened to it.”

“Oh. Okay. Look, we made it.” Hera climbed the short flight of steps and crawled over the rubble blocking what had once been the workers’ entrance. Then she waited for Jacen to do the same.

“Whew!”

“It’s cooler up here.” Jacen spread himself dramatically on the floor.

“Yeah, we’re out of the sun.” She handed him the canteen and waited for him to take a long drink. “You recovered?” He nodded. “Good. Come see what Sabine did.”

He saw the mural as soon as he looked up, and his reaction was everything Hera had hoped for. A shout, and he rushed up to get a closer look. “It’s you guys!”

“Yeah.”

“You look like heroes! Like you’re from a holoshow.”

“Sabine makes good art.”

His brow creased in that thinking look. “Were you heroes?”

“Yes,” Hera admitted. “We were.”

“Sabine,” he pointed. “Ezra. His head looks small in this picture. Zeb and Chop. Hey, look at these lothcats! There’s you. Where am I?”

Hera touched her mid-section in the picture, right on the buttons of her flight suit. “Here.”

“So I came with you when you were heroes?”

“Sure.”

“So I helped save Lothal?”

“Let’s say you were along for the ride.”

But now he was pointing above mural-Hera’s shoulder. “That’s Dad.”

“Yeah,” she said softly.

“I don’t think I look very much like him.”

“Well, you’re shorter.”

“Hey!”

She grinned at him, but he shook his head and said, “Uh-uh. You’re sad.”

“Only a little sad.”

“You miss him.”

“Yes,” Hera said honestly, “but that’s not why I brought you here today. I need to show you something else, something… kind of secret.”

“Okay.”

Hera took a portable projector from her bag and placed it on the floor. “Come sit by me. Seven years old is big enough to see this.” They sat cross-legged on the ground and Hera switched on the projector.

“That’s Dad!”

“Yes.”

“What’s he got?”

Kanan was fitting together two metal tubes. He gave them a practiced twist, then ignited the lightsaber.

Jacen lost it. “WHAT?! Where did he GET that?”

“Hi, kid,” Kanan said to the recorder. “Thought I’d go through a few practice drills here, in case you ever need to see them when I’m not around.” He was talking to Ezra, but Jacen didn’t know that. Hera skipped past the part where he demonstrated the basic techniques and on to the segment where he showed the moves in practice by fighting ten combat remotes, leaping into the air, twisting, deflecting shots… He was using the Ghost’s hold as his staging area, which had irritated Hera to no end at the time because those remotes were firing live blaster bolts. The flip from the ground to the platform four meters above his head was awfully impressive, though, she had to admit.

“How did he DO that?”

Another of him and Ezra training together, both blindfolded, going through forms. Hera watched Kanan’s shoulder rotate as the blade spun, the twist of hips as he altered his stance. It was so familiar and so long ago, all at the same time.

“Mama, tell me.” He knew, but he didn’t want to say it.

“He’s a Jedi, Jace. He was raised in the temple on Coruscant and sent out to fight during the Clone Wars. One of the last Jedi Knights.”

“But...” he trailed off.

“I know it’s a lot to take in. Do you want to see a little more?”

“Yes!”

She’d edited this compilation carefully so they got no footage of actual battles. Next Kanan was tossing Sabine in the air over and over, a little Sabine — she couldn’t have been more than fifteen. He’d throw her impossibly high, and then she’d twist in mid-air, draw her blasters, and fire at a target. Jacen laughed. “Ah-ha, they’re good!” Another of that terrible competition he’d had with Zeb, where Zeb picked up Imperial speeder bikes and threw them at Kanan, who caught every one in mid-air. Okay, that probably wasn’t the best thing to include. One of Hera herself cradled in Kanan’s arms, the laughter near the microphone indicating that Ezra was recording.

“Ready?” Kanan asked.

“Go,” Ezra told him.

Kanan jumped up the Ghost’s ladder one rung at a time, tilted impossibly backwards, holding her. Hera from long ago shrieked in laughter. “I get five credits when I do this, right?” Kanan asked.

“Cheating,” said Ezra’s voice.

“I did TELL you I could do it.” Thunk, up another ring. Thunk, up the next. “See, what you want to do is bend your knees…” Kanan explained, annoyingly pedantic. “Then you absorb most of the shock, especially when you have to land rough.” He rolled at the last moment, still holding Hera, and came up on his feet on the upper platform, neither of them worse for the wear.

“Hey!” Hera-from-the-vid protested. “Warn me!”

“Okay,” Kanan said. “Roll up in a ball, I’m going to toss you to Ezra now so he can practice.”

“No, no, wait!” Ezra yelled. “Wait, let me put the recorder down!” The image went sideways and the recorder died abruptly on the sound of their laughter.

Jacen was watching with a wistful, half-jealous expression. “Nobody ever told me he was a Jedi.”

“Well…” Hera considered. “What DID they tell you?”

“Zeb says he could drink a whole gallon of milk in five minutes without throwing up.”

“Yeah, only part of that is true. And don’t try it.”

“Sabine said he loved you the very most, and he’d never let anything in the whole galaxy hurt you.”

She took a deep breath, willing herself to stay calm. “That is true.”

“And that he was a really good dad and he understood when people got upset or lost their temper and he wouldn’t yell at them.”

“That’s true too.”

“But he wasn’t really Sabine’s or Ezra’s dad, right?”

“No, but he...took care of them when they were kids. Big kids. And he taught them a lot of things.”

Jacen’s eyes lit with realization. “He taught Ezra how to be a Jedi! That’s why they were doing those slow moves with the lightsabers.”

Her kid was too smart.

But now he was mulling over something else. “...He was my dad.”

“Yes.”

“He never met me.”

“Technically, no, but he knew you were on the way.”

“How?”

“You know how you can tell where animals are, even the small ones? You found Alexsandr’s baby chicks when the rest of us were looking in the wrong place.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s the Force, Jacen. He felt you like that before you were born. I’ll bet you guys had whole secret conversations, what do you think?”

Jacen shrugged, clearly pleased by the idea. “So how come you never told me he was a Jedi? And you COULD have told me, lots of times.”

There was the question she’d been waiting for. “Because it wasn’t safe, Jace. The Emperor killed all the Jedi, even the little kids. Only a few of them got away, and then they had to survive by hiding because the Emperor was still hunting.”

“But he died when I was little.”

“Yes, but being a Jedi is still not exactly safe.”

“You mean people are still hunting them?”

“No, I mean they’re still...heroes. Which is good, but it also means that bad guys don’t like them much. You have to learn to keep yourself safe when you’re a hero, and that takes time. I wanted to wait until you were big enough to understand that a little.”

“So you’re saying I shouldn’t want to be a Jedi.”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. If you want to learn to be a Jedi when you get older, I’ll be right there with you. But I want you to understand that there’s always more to these stories than what you hear. And I don’t want you to think that fighting makes you a good person. I didn’t love your dad because he was a Jedi. I loved him because he was kind and funny and understanding, and he couldn’t bear to see anybody in pain without trying to help. And because he never gave up on people. I see a lot of those qualities in you already. You don’t need a lightsaber to be a good person.” Oh, great, now she was sad again.

And Jacen had picked up on it. “Were you scared when he died?”

“So scared. But what do we say?”

“Be afraid,” he said quietly, “but do it anyway.”

“Right.”

A wolf howled nearby, in the middle of the day.

“That’s a lothwolf?” Jacen asked.

Hera nodded. “I think they’re coming to see you. I don’t know why, though.”

“I do.”

“You do? Why?”

“They say goodbyes are over. It’s time for hellos.”  

[rotzaprachim]

Solo: Thoughts

I have emotions and there will be spoilers. 

- This film reminded me why I love the warring stars in the first place!

- I really liked it! It’s not a perfect film, by any means, and there’s plenty of places I wanted to burn down Lucasfilm, but it is an emotional one about ordinary people scraping their way through a hellhole of a galaxy, and that’s what I’m here for. 

- The visuals??? GREAT! FANTASTIC! Soooo much better than TLJ, in between the industrial hellhole of Corellia, the mountainous snow planet, or the sweeping sand and sea of the Canaries (I think?) at the end! The CGI’d parts were intricate and epic, the parts aboard Dryden Vos’s ship and in Lando’s casino actually felt atmospheric and club-isa. (Unlike Canto Bight *cough cough*) The very Scylla-and-Carybdys scene with the black hole and the massive Eldritch abomination (that apparently eats vacuum????) was fantastic.

- I actually really like Alden as Han. I really, really liked that they didn’t make him a misogynist, a womaniser, or someone who just can’t listen to women. He was charming and cocky without being smarmy or condescending, which can be a difficult line to walk. His Han is very different to Harrison Ford’s, certainly a less jaded and more pure soul with his own, if slightly warped, moral compass. He certainly doesn’t think twice about giving the mineral stuff to Enfys.

If anything, one of my main issues with the film was the need to tie things up neatly and have Han go to Tatooine. The direct connection worked for Rogue One, with the big dramatic finale, but it doesn’t really work here. Alden’s Han just feels a lot younger and less jaded than Harrison’s did, and it feels like there should be a few more years and botched jobs and scars before he’s hanging around a cantina in Mos Eisley.

- Holy shit Han studied at Carrida? And then go demoted from pilot to foot soldier for. . ..  some reason that probably has something to do with mouthing off too much for the Empire’s liking. I’m hesitant to compare him with Finn because Finn left for extremely heroic reasons (not wanting to kill anymore) and Han just kind of left because he didn’t want to die and the opportunity presented itself, but it certainly DOES add another level to Finn and Han’s relationship in TFA, particularly when Han encourages Finn the truth, and when Finn and Han break back into Starkiller base. (Underrated adopted father-son duo right there!)

- This movie established a TON of parallels between Rey and Han. A TON! Han was essentially in the urban version of the shitty situation Rey was in at the beginning of TFA, they both repeatedly pull the trick of having to fly through a narrow slot, there’s even some verbal cues with how they both have to go back to Corellia/Jakku to wait for loved ones, and they both love someone who isn’t telling them the full truth about their pasts.

(Excuse me while I cry about all of this. “You think of him as the father you never had.” Yes, but in some ways Rey and Finn are the heroes that this version of Han wasn’t. There’s a lot of talk about Kyl0 carrying on the Skywalker legacy, but this film really establishes that it’s an ex-stormtrooper and a desert junker who carry on the Solo legacy.)

- I’m VERY much on board with the idea that Qi’ra should have been Han’s sister, or his best mate who’s become his only adopted family by the laws Corellia’s streets. If there was anything that felt slightly off here, it was their romantic relationship, which felt shoehorned and expected rather than natural. Star Wars has always been about family, yet there hasn’t yet been a movie that really explored a sibling relationship, and I think it would have fit better with the plot and tone of Solo anyway.

- Other things I loved: LANDO. Donal Glover is goddamn PERFECT. He’s charming and lively and adds a jolt of . . . something like sunshine which this movie badly needs! HIS WARDROBE IS ON POINT! The movie still leaves me feeling like we’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg of Nando’s backstory, though. He’s already a successful entrepreneur with a droid fight club, a very (*ahem*) successful hand at sabacc, and a closetful of expensive tailored capes. And he loves his mother! AND HE’S WRITING HIS BIOGRAPHY, and is already somehow on chapter 5.

-HANLANDO. Damn. Both of the scenes with Han and Land playing sabacc had a wonderfully flirtatious energy, and the beach scene and shootout at the mines were just painfully good. This was defiantly where the romantic tension of the film lay, with the smirks and the “buckle up, baby” and that final scene in the tropical casino place? If Lucasfilm isn’t going to make another film with Han and Lando I will gladly take, like, a fluffy workplace romcom with Donald and Alden. Please.

- L3-37! Another absolute favourite, though I am deeply sad that she died before getting a chance to meet Enfys. They would have hit it off. L3 followed in K2′s steps of being snarky, and terrifyingly human, but she’s definetely her own bizarre, wonderful . . . droid. I loved her and Nando’s camaraderie, and that final reveal that she’s in the Falcon .. . . I did cry a little.

- This movie’s greatest sin is probably it’s tragic wasting of Thandie Newton. I’m still angry.

- The final showdown between Beckett and Han? AMAZING. It felt so full circle- Han shooting Beckett right were the holes in the amor he stole off the dead man at the beginning of the film were, and in a similar place to where Kyl0 will eventually kill him. (The scene certainly DOES establish exactly how Han and Kyl0 are different, though, considering the way that Han sits with Beckett as he dies, and that Han shot Beckett so that the mineral stuff could go to Enfys rather than Crimson Dawn.)

- ENFYS! She’s in 3 scenes, but I smiled non-stop for 2 of them. No joking, those two scenes made the entire cost of the ticket worth it. The reveal was freaking amazing, as well as the fact that no one made a dumb comment about the fact that she’s a girl. Erin Kellyman absolutely killed her limited screen time, and I loved the fact that she talked about inheriting the mask from her mother. “The war is just beginning.” Shivers. Brilliant, fantastic, show stopping, incredible. Her costume and weapons were fantastic as well, with a slight Boudicca vibe to her hair/spear/that yellow tartan cape-y thing at the end?

I really hope she’s in more stuff.

HMU to chat about all of this, I am more full of emotions than I ever thought I’d be over Han Solo.

[henclair]

hhhhey could you do dustin/lucas hcs? just in general bc the bois

ohhh boy i love the bois

-They get together because all their friends are dating each other

-Mike and Will are dating and Max and El are dating so Dustin and Lucas feel really annoyed with all the PDA so they start making out like Bros do

-Spoiler alert: It’s Not Just Bro Things

-They find out it’s not just Bro Things when they’re fighting and Lucas says “Goddamnit why do I have to be in love with you?”

-Dustin starts laughing so hard he cries and then he pulls Lucas back down to wrestle with him

-They talk it out with their friends present bc like any dumb teenagers Dustin doesn’t respond to how Lucas loves him so they don’t rlly talk let alone make out for a few days and Max is done™

-Dustin “well shit does this mean we’re dating?” Henderson

-Lucas “I hate that i’m in love with you dumbass” Sinclair

-All their dates are to the arcade, like literally all of them

-2 player games? All the time now

-Dustin cheats like a mf when they’re playing together, he tickles and kisses and shoves Lucas

-“It’s to establish dominance in the relationship Lucas!”

-“Oh I’ll show you dominance!”

-Lucas gets a job at the arcade once they’re old enough and then he can edit the high scores so when he and Dustin fight he puts himself on the high score for all the games

-Dustin worked there for a day but he got fired because he was constantly challenging kids to play and he would charge them wayyyy extra if he lost, so he never did his work

-Dustin calls Lucas “Lando” as a (nerdy) pet name

-Lucas has no nickname for Dustin besides “Dumbass” and “Dipshit”

-Lucas’s little sister catches them kissing literally all the fucking time

-“So this is the real reason why you don’t hang out with girls, huh Lucas.” “Do your homework and leave us alone.”

-They never go to the snowball together because it’s too coupley but they do go to school science fair award dinners when they win

-Oh did I mention? Science power couple

-They have won the science fair for their grade every year since 5th grade and no one has the skills to beat them or even come close

-Their science teachers literally give them the keys to their rooms, and eventually when they’re older, the key to the labs

-They definitely abuse this power lowkey

-Neither of their homes have privacy, so no privacy between Lucas’s sister and Dustin’s mom they feel trapped in Hawkins when they wanna just be together

-So they hang out in trees in the woods

-(Hang out? You mean make out and bicker?)

-They have A Tree.

-It’s got a lot of branches so they end up deconstructing a waterproof tent and setting up a badly made tree house

-“Castle Byers 2.0”

-Will and Mike like to hang out there with Lucas and Dustin but they make sure to pull on the string that rings a bell just in case…

-Dustin is 100% a stoner in high school

-He’s very cuddly when he’s high, like very very cuddly

-He and Eleven get high together and they both rant about how cute their signifs are

-Lucas hates the smell of weed but he puts up with it because he loves his boyfriend

-Dustin also tells secrets when he’s high and they’re not always things he fully means so it’s a very awkward thing at first when he’s high around friends (specifically around Lucas)

-“Dude if I liked guys I’d be in love with you.” “Dustin you’re pansexual, you like everyone.” “Woah! Sweet! I love you!” “I know Dustin.”

-Dustin is pansexual and Lucas doesn’t know his sexuality, all he knows is that he loves Dustin

-“So you’re questioning?” “Yeah, questioning why I put up with your shit.”

-The walkie T A L K I E S

-They chat all night tbh, and wake each other up too

-They also learned how to hack the walkie talkies so they can hear conversations on “private” channels and that’s how they get dirt on people

-Lucas tells Dustin he hates him and it’s just the whole “no you don’t” “…no i don’t” thing

-Dustin plays music over the walkie talkies and Lucas freaks out bc Dustin it’s 1 am

-That’s how he asks him to homecoming every year once they get into high school

-Modern Love by David Bowie is the song Dustin uses every year without fail

-He plays it at 9:30 on the dot the day before homecoming and asks Lucas to “accompany him” over their walkie talkies

-Mike and Will listen in tbh

-When it’s senior year Lucas is the one to ask Dustin to prom

-The only way he beats Dustin is he calls at 9:29, a minute before Dustin was going to call, and he plays Modern Love and they both cry when Lucas goes “accompany me to Prom dipshit” and Dustin replies “Oh Lando, thought I’d have to make the first move again” (even though Dustin’s never made the first move ever)

-Dustin’s mom takes so many mf pictures and Lucas’s sister teases them for matching

-Prom is loud and they dance too much and sweat a lot

-When like literally any slow song comes on they’re kinda swaying in place and whispering

-“This is, pretty queer dude.” “Lucas how can I even begin to explain how dumb a sentence that is.”

-Fast songs they jam and lose it with their friends

-They both literally cry when the song Modern Love plays

-But they leave halfway through and hang out on the bleachers of their middle school and Dustin wants to get high but Lucas asks him to not so sweetly that he doesn’t

-Lucas lays down on the bleachers bc he’s exhausted and sweaty and gross and Dustin kinda doesn’t know what to do because it’s so intimate without being sexual

-Dustin eventually opts for taking off his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt and laying with his head on Lucas’s stomach

-Lucas can’t breathE

-Will and Mike join them later and they all sit, the og 4 being so absolutely in love and so absolutely happy

-Will and Mike lowkey are making out and Lucas and Dustin just fondly look at each other bc look at those repressed feelings getting out

-Max and El come after prom is over and they go to the arcade because Lucas has a key

-Truth or dare bc they’re nerds who still love it even though they tell each other most everything

-Dustin picks truth at one point and he doesn’t want to tell the truth so he just yells “Shove a test tube up my ass!” And Lucas responds with “Ok.” causing the first death of the night to be Dustin Henderson

-Lucas and Dustin end up sleeping in the back room bc the others have left

-Boss is so pissed but honestly? They’re teens

-They make their characters fall in love in D&D, they force Mike to make it an arc

-“Come on guys we should be doing a mission!” “Mike. Please.” “No!” “You’d do it for you and Will if he asked.” “… Fine.”

-It’s a really dumb arc, lots of cheesy pining and flirting and Will absolutely thinks it is the funniest shit ever so Mike only continues it for him (and because he loves his friends)

-Lucas Sinclair is whipped

-Jump how high doesn’t even begin to cover it

-Dustin has no idea the amount of control he has

-(He does he just doesn’t use it)

-The two still bicker and wrestle a lot and now with an undercurrent of sexual tension

-“Stop looking at my boner when we fight!” both of them at some point

-Their parents just know™ even if they’ve never really come out about their relationships or sexualities

-Dustin’s mom is super supportive and gives him money for dates and lets him stay out later as long as it’s not just him and Lucas (spoiler alert: they lie a lot and are alone)

-Lucas’s mom is very skeptical that the two are being safe because they’re impulsive teenage boys but since her son already gets bullied so much she figures that she should let him live and not give him more pressure to be something he’s not

-Lucas’s dad is not homophobic, but he’s not ok with the thought that his son is growing up and falling in love, he cries a lot when thinking about how he can’t protect his son

-They flirt a lot be honest

-One time to one up Max and Eleven they started fucking going at it in the middle of the street

-Dustin does his little purr to Lucas and Lucas m e l t s

-Lucas would never admit it but that purr has been the bane of his heart’s existence since day one

-Dustin overhears Lucas’s sister call him “Lukey” and so he uses it and it annoys Lucas until the boy snaps and tells Dustin that it’s “Making him too sappy so stop”

-Lucas once calls Dustin “Han” and Dustin doesn’t shut up about it for the rest of the week

-No PDA at school they already get bullied enough, but they do leave locker notes

-Dustin keeps them in his backpack in a seperate section of his science binder

-Science & Lucas go together

-“Nice jeans Sinclair, could they get any tighter?” “Yeah they could so shut the fuck up.”

-There was unresolved sexual tension until senior year and literally all their friends noticed the resolution

-Lucas cannot stand how fluttery his heart gets when Dustin calls him nicknames

-Dustin knows this and doesn’t care

-All in all the boys are in love and :’))

[cinedave]

REVIEW: The Lego Batman Movie - He’s black, he’s back and he’s hilarious

“So please please please, let me , let me, let me, let get what I wanted” once sang The Smiths (no, it wasn’t John Lewis). I think it sums up the hopes and ideas of a character spin off movie. You get a superb supporting character that completely steals a show and in response to this public reaction they get their own film. Yet will they still be as good in the centre of their own world rather than being the comic relief of someone else’s? Ever since Despicable Me showed up “Minions Mania” became an inescapable worldwide phenomenon (do dooo da do do) but my God was their spin off movie awful! It’s not the sure fire success story that we’d like it to be that even saw the mighty Joey Tribbiani crash and burn on the small screen. So now spin offs come with a simple plea of hope; for them to please please please replicate the quality and success of their character’s prior outings. There’s no denying that Will Arnett’s Batman dominated 2014s Lego Movie. He didn’t just get a spin off but found it fast tracked ahead of the Lego sequel. Now it’s finally here is everything still awesome?..... you’re darn right it is!

Gotham City’s legendary crime fighter Batman (Will Arnett – BoJack Horseman, Arrested Development) must face his greatest enemies. The Joker (Zach Galifianakis – The Hangover guy) and getting close to others as he reluctantly homes the orphan Dick Grayson (Michael Cera – Juno).

COLD WARNING – Film best viewed with as little knowledge as possible, please consider before reading

Like a certain other suited character this time last year, Lego Batman immediately finds and establishes its tone of satire and smart parody as its hero wastes little time before self-narrating. This isn’t a film that’s mocking Batman it’s a film about Batman mocking Batman as director Chris McKay (Robot Chicken) takes gleeful delight in poking fun at many aspects of the character’s literary on screen legacy but in a way that celebrates it rather than condemns. It takes classic themes like the symbiotic dynamic between Batman and the Joker and spins it into almost a romantic comedy as their feud is expressed as a relationship with differing levels of commitment. Or there is the idea of Alfred being Bruce’s surrogate father warped into making Batman frequently stubborn and childish. It’s all things that in isolation would seem problematic but come together through clever, creative and in many ways a fearless usage of the subject matter. The approach taken could well have triggered a fanboy backlash but the attention and understanding of the Batman character is still clear underneath any mockery to get away with it all. Plus there’s no shortage of in jokes to send many into a Cesar Romero fit of giggles from background visual gags to dialogue references and the extensive list of minor characters that feature (even Orca!). In fact a few 60s nods made me genuinely lose it.

The next key point of the Bat-list of pointy things is that this still remembers it’s a Lego movie. Not only does Will Arnett continue his “bro”/frat boy like take on The Dark Knight (he calls the computer, “pewtor”) but ideas like master building and multi-franchise ties-ins are still utilized well. The later in particular is not only immensely fun but ultimately becomes the embodiment of the film’s unique character adaptation. You’ll see the Caped Crusader going up against many different people than you expected. Lego Gotham City looks fantastic as it incorporates some familiar visual cues like the bold gothic structures of the 90s films or the bridge layouts of the Nolan era. This all becomes a terrific canvas for the films action sequences which are not only bigger in scale than most of The Lego Movie but frequently a well crafted blend of spectacle and comedy. The central voice cast is 9-pack abs strong. Alongside Arnette the best addition is Ralph Fiennes (He’s Voldermort) composed yet strained Alfred. There are no shortage voice cameos either thanks to the many known smaller/supporting characters on screen. Look out for Mariah Carey as the Mayor, Billy Dee “Lando” Williams as Two Face along with Jemaine Clement, Seth Green and Eddie Izzard in best unnamed roles.

While the film is a lot fun it’s not quite on the same level of its Lego Movie base board and certainly not without its chinks in the Bat-armored suit. For one the story is very thin, even considering its intended accessibility to younger viewers. It’s a clear safe bet in an otherwise more adventurous film and encourages little investment in seeing it to the end. It makes the film now like an album that you’d listen to on shuffle or just pick out your favorites from, rather than caring about the composition enough to just push play. Ultimately The Lego Batman Movie is less a great movie and more a collection of great moments (all be it a bloody lot of them). Neither is the action invulnerable. Although overall it’s quite positive some scenes really are too busy for their own good and a less is more approach would have been advisable. I guess even Lego batman isn’t immune to, “too many villains” syndrome. Finally, while the musical tendencies of this Batman were a fun feature last time here they’re defiantly over relied upon. Yes, he likes to write songs and “bat-box” about himself but doesn’t mean we need to see it all the time.

It’s a film that’s simultaneously approachable to a Bat-novice while being immensely geeky satisfying to more hard-core fans. It’s a film that certainly has its slow and dry points but its high soar higher than the Bat-Signal and will leave with a big, “why so serious?” grin. Some of its merit certainly comes from shock and surprise so it may not punch as hard in later rounds of viewing but for now at least this is a superb piece of superhero parodying comedy. It’s without doubt the funniest film on current release so anyone, superhero fan or not, needing a comedy fix should grapple gun their way into a seat.