#lisa growing pains

[everye]

tw blood, gore

NIGHTMARE

that day has finally come.

the time is neigh.

everyone will be realised, from pain and suffering.

our salvation is at hand.

this is the day of reckoning.

when all our sorrows will be washed away.

when we return to the TRUE PARADISE !!

my daughter will be ..

the mother of GOD !!

alessa has been trapped in an endless NIGHTMARE from which she never wakens.

however ..

[oddinary4bts]

Chasing Cars | ch 13 (jjk)

☆summary: when your brother goes to study on a semester abroad, your life collides with his best friend Jeon Jungkook, who's coincidentally your roommate. Will you survive the collision, or will you crumble into dust?

☆pairings: brother's best friend!Jungkook x younger sister!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, some chapters have mature content)

☆genre: forbidden love?au, college!au, slice of life!au, smut, angst (as usual a lot of it), fluff

☆warnings: college anxiety, angst, Gabrielle, Lisa, alcohol, cursing, mentions of cheating, a frat party, explicit content: implied sex

☆word count: 8.9k

☆a/n: more angst oop- I hope you guys like it :') thank you to @moonleeai for beta-ing, you're the best <3

☆series masterpost

☆add yourself to the taglist here!

☆☆☆☆☆

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

☆☆☆☆☆

Friday, August 30

Summer came and went. Like everything in life, it became just a moment in time, a short movie consisting of flashing scenes of friendship and fun and sun, of pools and tanning and hikes. Summer was perfect, summer was healing, yet summer couldn’t heal everything.

Summer hasn’t healed a doe-eyed boy from your heart, but you think it’s okay. You think, perhaps your love for Jungkook is just everlasting, another one of those memories you know you’ll cherish for the rest of your life.

You reckon, if you were to have kids one day and they’d asked you who your first love was, you wouldn’t be able to answer their father.

It will always be Jungkook, no matter the bitterness and the pain of the ending.

It’s his necklace you wear on your heart every day after all.

You’ve worked all summer, amassing money to cover your expenses for the year. You’ve gone back home with Taehyung for a week your mother had off, and you spent it camping like you did when you were kids, gaze getting lost in starlight and sun rays on the water, reflections of light that left afterimages on your retina.

Much like Jungkook is an afterimage on your heart. Never fully erased, yet the pain isn’t as sharp anymore. Like the time soothed its edges, reminding you of the good part, allowing you to let go of the bad.

The first news you had of Jungkook this summer was stories posted on a Saturday evening, of him and Lisa and friends in New York City. Turns out Lisa landed an internship at an architect firm in New York through her father’s connections, and turns out it was all she needed to be welcomed into Jeon Jungkook’s world over there.

You’d been jealous back then, bitterly so. Yoongi, bless his heart, had forced you to hang out at his place, claiming the empty room needed to be repainted before Namjoon moved in for the semester. It’d been a good distraction, and by the end of the weekend, you’d realized that Jungkook was allowed to have friends, to move on from your idyllic moment in his life.

It hurt, but it was a sign of healing.

You got closer to Yoongi over the summer. Learned all about his past, about his high school and how his parents were supportive when he came out, yet reluctant when he brought his first boy home. He’d told you how he met Hoseok in his last year of high school despite not attending the same school, and how their friendship had immediately blossomed.

Only to wither in April, when Hoseok had chosen to leave. None of you or your friends have had any news of him since then, like he wiped his existence from all of your lives like it was nothing. It’s been hard for Yoongi, harshly so, so you’ve made sure to always be available for him, too.

Namjoon and Nabi’s relationship didn’t suffer such a fate. They’ve only been growing stronger over the summer, proof that despite Namjoon getting out of his relationship with his ex and jumping in the one with Nabi right away, they were meant for each other. In truth, you’ve never seen anyone love each other like Namjoon and Nabi do, and maybe that most of all has healed your bleeding heart.

There has to be someone out there who’ll love you like you’re the one who paints his every sunset. 

Seokjin wasn’t on the receiving end of such a relationship. He’d confessed to Ria halfway through the summer, telling her that he couldn’t do the see-saw anymore, that he needed everything or nothing, and in good Ria fashion, your friend ran. She ran and ran, until Seokjin told her he was ashamed of having believed she deserved to be loved.

The blow has been hard on Ria, and she hasn’t been with anyone since then. Hasn’t mentioned Seokjin once either, but you know that, whenever you go out, he’s the one she’s looking for. 

The strangest part of this summer happened on a random Tuesday evening when you’d just come home from work. Taehyung and Ariane, ever so the lovebirds, had been hanging out in the living room when you’d crossed the threshold. Taehyung’s gaze had shot to you, and he’d uttered words you think have been carved into your brain.

“Did you know Jungkook is the heir of JJS pharmaceuticals?” 

You did. You knew about his father’s company - he’d told you once when you’d been lying with your head on his chest, one of the rare times he’d talked about his family after your weekend escapade to New York.

But you knew Jungkook’s existence had been mostly a secret, his father refusing to announce his existence to the world because Jungkook had refused to study at an Ivy League College.

At the confusion on your face - or rather, the masked pain you’d been hiding for weeks and months - Taehyung had added, “There was a conference press, and he’s all over social media.”

He was. You found out quickly enough, articles and articles about him showing up on your Instagram as well. You’d seen pictures from the press conference: though his father had been smiling wide, Jungkook had only been staring at the camera, like he’d wished he could disappear.

You don’t know what led him to accept a position at his father’s company before he’d even graduated, but you knew then and know now that it had to not have been his choice.

So indeed, summer came and went until it became just a memory, and the new semester now looms over the horizon, a reminder that though your skin might have been sunkissed these last few months, it’s now time to return to reality.

You’re sitting in the kitchen, indulging in Buldak noodles as you read a book about Faes and High Lords and a Night Court. You’ve started reading again over the summer, another way to escape that helped fill your breaks at work when you didn’t go out for lunch with your coworkers. It was nice to reconnect with your previous love for reading - indeed, you’d spent years in middle school and high school getting lost in fantasy and dystopian worlds, and recovering this part of you might have been another way to heal.

It’s reminded you that every story is worth telling, even those that don’t end well.

So you sit at the kitchen table, halfway done with your noodles, when the front door opens and closes. 

“Hello!” you greet out of reflex.

Taehyung and Ariane were out shopping for groceries, and though they haven’t left a long time ago, you assume it’s them coming home.

“Do you need any help?” you ask as no one replies, which is strange.

They’re always talking about everything and nothing, joking around like they’re the only people in the world. It’s something you do find cute, but that always grates your nerves in all the wrong ways.

Where Nabi and Namjoon have been making you feel hopeful when it comes to love, Taehyung and Ria have made you jaded too.

The silence prolongs, and you don’t even hear them taking off their shoes. You furrow your brows, wondering if they’re trying to prank you. So you put your book down even though you are in the middle of a good scene, and you push up from the table, heading towards the kitchen’s doorway.

You reckon, maybe you should have expected it. You’d known he was coming back at some point - he still has a year left of college. But you didn’t think he’d show up on an early Friday evening, clutching his duffel bag and standing by the door like he’s a guest in his own home.

He’s changed. The first thing you notice is that he’s changed: he doesn’t have the eyebrow piercing anymore, his hair is shorter - almost entirely shaved at the sides - and though he still has the lip piercings, he looks different than what you remember.

As if a few months was enough to blur your memories of Jeon Jungkook, and the wound you’d thought to be healed over the last few months reopens, pouring liquid lava on your entire body until you think you’re burning, and not in a good way.

He’s dressed in all black, like some things don’t change after all. He looks more built than he was last semester, like he’s gone to the gym a lot more over the summer. His tattoos have also changed - they’ve been coloured, some of them, as if he tried to put colours back into his life.

You hope it worked. But when you hold his gaze, the heaviness making you want to disappear through the floor, you think maybe it didn’t work at all.

“Y/n,” he greets.

His voice has changed too. Or maybe it’s just the emotions, maybe it’s just the fact that the last thing he ever told you were those words in the letter you keep hidden in your night table, words you’ve romanticized every night trying to fall asleep.

Not that you would tell anyone.

“Jungkook,” you reply in the same tone.

He nods once, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and then he takes off his shoes. You watch him, dumbly standing in the doorway, and he shoots you a look once his shoes - black boots that look far too warm for the summer - are off.

“How are you?”

His three words throw you off. They make you feel like last semester might have been a construct of your imagination, but then again you hold that letter too dearly, and the memories of him have been your favourites for months now.

“I’m okay,” you reply, nodding once. “How are you?”

He pulls on his piercings, the gesture familiar yet so different than how you’ve been imagining it every night. “I’m chill.”

He starts to walk towards his room, but he stops halfway there, glancing over your head into the kitchen. 

“Want something to eat?” you ask, and you wonder if he hears your heart as it picks up in your chest.

You see the moment he spies the Buldak noodles on the table. He smiles softly, with his eyes first, and you think maybe this is it.

Maybe he came back home.

Came back home to you.

But then his features fall, the smile vanishing and darkness invading his gaze. He shakes his head no, nodding towards his room. “Thanks, but I gotta unpack.”

You watch him walk the rest of the way towards his bedroom. He turns the knob, pushes the door open, yet he freezes there. His shoulders tense, and even though you don’t see his features, you know he wants to say something else.

You hope he will, hope he’ll say something that might mend the bridge between the two of you. That might erase this abyss between you and him until the ending disappears.

You know it’s because you haven’t seen him in a long time. Know that, when it all comes down to it, you wouldn’t go back to him - he broke your heart, and you’d be a fool to return to him. But you like to imagine that you would as he stands there, that you’d run to him if he turned and said the right words.

But he doesn’t. He sighs, and then he walks into his room, shutting the door softly behind him. And as he disappears from view, you feel yourself stumble, like you’ve taken a hit right to the chest. You lay a hand over your beating heart, almost expecting to feel blood trickling through your fingers.

As if he’s just broken your heart all over again, torn it from your ribcage. Yet it breaks - you didn’t think he still had that power over you.

Hell, you thought you’d been moving on.

You walk back into the kitchen, the room spinning around you. You drop in the chair you were sitting in before, eyeing your book. And though you want to get lost in the fantasy world again, you’re bleeding out on your chair, pain burning along every single one of your nerves.

How are you supposed to share a roof with the one that broke your heart?

The answer is easy. You can’t.

You need to get out of here, and quickly.

Monday, September 2nd 

Your first day back to college is long. You’ve got two classes - a morning and an afternoon class, both of them three hours long. 

When the second one ends - luckily half an hour early ‘because it’s the first day’ as the professor said - you make your way out of class with Nabi. She’s typing away on her phone, likely asking Namjoon when he’ll be home, yet she follows you as you head to the dorms.

You’ve been crashing at the girls’ dorm over the weekend, as you try to figure out what you should do. You haven’t figured anything yet - Taehyung’s been telling you that you shouldn’t move out, asking if it’s because of Ariane moving in, and though you’ve been good at avoiding mentioning Jungkook, there’s just so much you can do before you burst and admit that it’s because of him.

But it’s okay - Nabi’s been staying with Yoongi and Namjoon, so you have her bed all to yourself, and Ria and you have been treating it like a massive sleepover, doing face masks every night and getting mildly drunk on Saturday.

Nabi sighs as you walk towards the dorms, and you throw her a look. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I feel like this semester is about to be the worst,” she admits, slightly shaking her head. “Namjoon basically confirmed it.”

You hook your arm with hers, resting your head on her shoulder. “Baby, it’s fine. We’re in this together.”

“It’s easy for you to say, you’re the top of our class.”

“And you’re the second,” you remind her. “We’ll be okay, I promise.”

She nods, heaving out a heavy breath again. “Is it bad that I’m already anxious?”

You don’t reply right away, as you pass through a group of engineer students gathered in front of a class, most likely getting ready for an evening class. An evening class on the first Monday… 

You feel bad for them.

“It’s not bad,” you reply once you’ve finally walked past. “It means that you care about your grades. You just need to not let it eat you alive.”

“I think I’m just realizing that getting into med school might be harder than we thought,” she says with a sigh.

You stop, tugging on her arm so that she stops too. “No, I’m not having any of that,” you tell her. “We’ll both get in, Nabi, I promise.”

“Are you sure?” she asks, folding her arms on her chest.

“Yup.” You nod forcefully. “Dead serious. And after that, it’s smooth sailing until residency. And then we get a residency together, and we become sexy doctors.”

“Bruh,” she lets out, and she chuckles.

You’re happy your distraction works because you truthfully didn’t know where you were headed with it. “I promise!” you insist. “Give us a couple of years, and we’ll have our own practice.”

“You want to be a surgeon, and I want to be an ophthalmologist,” she reminds you. “Not quite sure we’d practice at the same place.”

You shrug, and you start walking towards the dorms again. “To be fair, we’ll probably both end up at a hospital. We just need to find a way to work at the same one.”

She purses her lips. “That sounds doable.”

You smirk mischievously. “Damn right.”

*****

Nabi ends up staying with you and Ria at the dorm for a couple of hours after class, and you order takeout that you eat sitting in a circle on the floor like you usually do when you do pre-drinks before a party. It’s fun, more chill than a pre-party gathering, and Ria tells you all about how she ran into Seokjin on campus today.

“He didn’t even look at me,” she admits. “What a dick.”

You exchange a knowing look with Nabi. “Maybe he didn’t see you,” you try.

“He ignores me when we all hang out together too,” she points out. “He’s doing it on purpose.”

Nabi scrunches up her nose. “Yeah… you did lead him on for months.”

“Not my fault if he fell in love,” Ria grumbles, her gaze dropping to the rice bowl she’s eating.

“It might not be your fault, but you still led him on,” Nabi pushes.

Ria huffs a breath, scoffing, but she doesn't say anything. She never really does when it comes to Seokjin anyway.

“Why are you so against the idea of being with him again?” you ask.

The scalding look you earn would put a dragon to shame. “Because I don’t want to be in a relationship,” she says, sounding like you a year ago when your friends had been pestering you about Hoseok.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

“We all know he’d treat you like a goddess though,” Nabi says. “The guy’s a hopeless romantic.”

Ria rolls her eyes. “Cringe.”

You playfully push her, and she bursts out laughing. You don’t miss the way her cheeks have dusted with pink though - and neither does Nabi - but you don’t mention it.

You have a feeling Ria is lying to herself more than she’s lying to the both of you, but you’d never dare tell her. She’ll figure it out on her own or not, and that’s what being in college is.

You try stuff; some of it works, and some doesn’t. 

Jungkook invades your thoughts, your chest aching all over again. You reach for the peach at the end of the chain, playing with the pendant mindlessly as if that can tame the ache, push it back to the back rooms of your mind.

It barely works, yet you manage to be able to let go of him after a few deep breaths, and a prolonged silence of Nabi staring at Ria while the latter is solely focused on eating. Your unease went unnoticed, which you reckon is a relief.

Confiding in them about Jungkook has helped over the summer, obviously, but there are some things you want to keep to yourself. Because Jungkook deserves the centrepiece in all of the secrets you’ve ever held - he was the grandest of them all last semester after all.

Still is, considering you’ve been lying to Taehyung about him all summer. Not that you really had to lie. You just avoided mentioning Jungkook, staying vague about your semester while Taehyung told you everything about Paris. 

And so you end up saying goodbye to Nabi when she decides to go over to Yoongi and Namjoon’s apartment - Namjoon was quick to take Hoseok’s old room, seeking to leave the dorms once and for all - and you and Ria watch Demon Slayer, her favourite anime.

Coincidentally one of Jungkook’s favourite animes too, not that it matters.

You sigh - reminders of him are everywhere lately, and though you have been moving on over the summer, the ache has been revived. You wonder what he’s doing right now. Is he at home, watching anime or playing video games? Is he hanging out with Taehyung, with Jimin and their other friends? Or is he locked up in his room like he was all of Friday, before you fled the apartment?

It shouldn’t matter to you, but it does. Because Jungkook will always matter: he meant too much to you. Still does, and you don’t know what to make of it.

Ria sighs, pulling you out of your thoughts as the episode finishes. You glance at her - you’re lying side by side on her bed, a laptop in between you to watch the show.

“What’s wrong?” you ask her.

She purses her lips, shrugging, though it proves to be awkward considering the position. “I don’t know. It’s just… Is something wrong with me?”

A concerned crease appears between your eyebrows. “Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know…” She pauses, gaze still focused on the laptop screen as if she can’t bring herself to meet your own. “Why am I so opposed to relationships? To love in general?”

Oh. 

“Oh Ria…” you let out.

“Don’t,” she warns. “I don’t want to be pitied.”

You press your lips in a tight line, nodding once. She chuckles, and then she starts the next episode, like she needs a moment to collect her thoughts.

“It’s just…” she says as Tanjiro fights a demon, the fight continued from the last episode. “I’m aware that Seokjin would be good for me. I enjoyed spending time with him too. But the second he mentioned feelings…”

“It turned you off,” you complete for her.

She nods. “It really did.”

“Why do you think it did?” you ask, even though you know it has to be because of her ex.

She sighs deeply. “That’s the thing. I really don’t know. I had a loving family growing up, so I can’t blame it on that. I had friends too, good friends, but then when my ex cheated…”

“It broke the part of you that could trust easily,” you say. “And it’s understandable, and totally valid.”

“I guess so…” she trails off. “I just feel like letting someone in is too much of a vulnerability.”

“That makes sense,” you say. “You like being in control, and you feel like being in a relationship would make you lose control.”

She glances at you, eyes slightly narrowed. “Sometimes I swear to God you sound like a therapist.”

You laugh - it’s not the first time you’ve been told that. Yoongi said so last semester too, when you’d helped him get over Hoseok.

“Don’t ask me for advice though,” you say, scrunching up your nose. “I don’t think I’d have any good advice.”

“Not to be mean, but after what you put yourself through last semester, I don’t think your advice would be really helpful,” she teases.

You widen your gaze. “That was mean.”

She pouts, offering you puppy eyes. You push her on the shoulder, and she rolls on her back, laughing. “No, but seriously,” she says. “I don’t blame you. You fell in love, and that’s not your fault, is it?”

You remain silent, not wanting the conversation to turn to Jungkook. 

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes after a few seconds of silence. “You’re right, that was mean.”

“You’re not wrong, though,” you reassure her. “I saw all the red flags and chose to ignore them.”

Ria turns on her side again, facing you. “That’s love for you. Everyone ignores all the red flags the moment they start having feelings for someone else.”

Like Seokjin, but you don’t say it. You highly doubt she needs to hear it.

“Cheers to that,” you say, though you are void of any beverage at the moment.

You’ve left your water bottle on the floor, too far to reach from where you’re lying in bed.

“You know what we should do?” Ria says a while later, when the episode is coming to an end. “We should go to the party on Friday. The one Dave’s frat is hosting.”

The name Dave rings an extremely distant bell - you think you went to a party hosted by his frat last semester, but you’re not quite sure.

“I thought we were already planning to go.”

Ria looks at you, mischief slowly filling her gaze. “We should go and find some cute guys to forget about all of our problems with.”

You laugh. “Men aren’t the solution to everything, you know that, right?” you tease.

“Oof. They’re the root of the problem most of the time, I know.” She pauses, purses her lips. “But we’re due to have fun. You know Nabi and Namjoon will come for an hour or two and disappear anyway.”

“What about Yoongi?”

“We’ll find him someone too! He deserves it.” She nods, clearly convinced that her plan is the best she’s ever come up with.

And Yoongi does, you think that out of the three of you, he’s the one that deserves a healthy relationship the most. 

So you nod your head, saying, “It’s going to be lit.”

You can only hope that it is and that you don’t end up crying because of a certain doe-eyed man you should have let go of months ago.

Friday, September 6th  

[11:17 am] bröther👽: just letting you know that Gaby is in town so Ari will be staying with her [11:17 am] bröther👽: come home

The texts Taehyung sent to you in the morning sit unanswered on your phone. Mostly because you didn’t know what to say - he still firmly believes you’ve decided to move out because of Ariane, and you think it might have killed a possible friendship with her in the bud.

If only they knew why you truly left. It likely wouldn’t be any better - Jungkook would be dead in a ditch somewhere, and you’d be grounded by your older brother like you were when you were in high school.

You know Taehyung is likely only going to grow suspicious if you ignore him, but you really just don’t know what to say. He’s likely going to be at the party tonight - you’ll make an effort to speak to him, to reassure him, and then you’ll disappear with your friends.

That is, if Jeon Jungkook isn’t with him. Because if Jungkook’s there, you’ll avoid Taehyung like the plague, no matter if that might make him even more suspicious.

“I literally cannot physically wait,” Ria says next to you, and you shoot her a quick look as she puts mascara on.

She’s going all out tonight, and you wonder if it’s because Yoongi mentioned Kim Seokjin will be in attendance. Obviously, you don’t want to attract her ire, so you don’t say it, but you reckon Seokjin has been a ghost in every conversation since last Monday.

Much like Jungkook has been, but you’ve been good at pretending he hasn’t.

“I really hope they’ve stocked up on free alcohol,” you say, knowing you’ll need it, mostly because if Taehyung is in attendance, then Ariane will likely be, and so will Gabrielle. 

Your heart sinks in your chest at the thought - you haven’t told Ria, not wanting to ruin her enthusiasm. 

“Do you want to curl your hair?” Ria says as she finishes with the mascara. 

You shrug. “Nah, I think I’ll keep it natural,” you answer. “But you should curl yours.”

She narrows her gaze, staring at herself in the mirror. “You know what, yeah, I should.”

You chuckle, and then you both busy yourself getting ready. You apply more makeup than you usually do, only because you know it’ll be a mask you’ll use all evening.

Does Gabrielle even know about your existence?

You finish getting ready, stealing from Ria’s closet to get dressed. You settle on a pair of black leather pants, along with a black crop top t-shirt that hugs tight to your frame, revealing just an inch of the bird tattoo you got done on your right ribs in May.

You stare at the ink, thinking about Taehyung’s reaction. He’ll likely be pissed at you, but you’re done caring. If he wants to be mad, then so be it.

“Your ass looks amazing in this,” Ria compliments from behind you, and you snort as you turn to look at her.

She’s wearing a sage green corset that leaves little to the imagination. You compliment her in return, and she winks at you, before suggesting to down a couple of shots before leaving. You immediately agree, and you’ve got a light buzz by the time you leave the dorms, heading to the frat house.

It’s already crowded by the time you get there, the loud music having attracted all the party-goers on campus. The front lawn is cramped, and Ria grabs your hand, pulling you through the crowd to head to the house proper.

You make it to the hall, and luckily enough, there aren't as many people here. You’re able to navigate to the living room, where Dave - he really is the guy from last semester - finds you, offering drinks to the two of you.

You grab a beer, not trusting the questionable punch that Dave claims was prepared earlier today. Ria follows your lead, and you clink bottles with Dave, who admits he has no clue what’s in the punch when you’ve all taken your first sips.

“Bruh, why were you trying to sell it to us then?” Ria asks, eyebrows raised.

Dave laughs, shrugging his shoulders. “Colton said it was good.” 

Colton… you wonder if it’s the same Colton that had warned you about Jungkook once.

“And we’re supposed to trust Colton?” Ria teases.

Dave winces. “Not really, no, he’s already drunk.”

Ria nods as you take a sip of your beer, the bitter liquid heady on your tongue. You turn your head to the side, noticing a very distraught Yoongi walking into the living room, followed close by an even more distraught Seokjin. You wave them over, and Ria and Dave both turn their heads towards the new arrivals.

You notice Ria tensing from the corner of your eye, and Seokjin looks just as uncomfortable as he stops next to you. You hug Yoongi hello, and he doesn’t let you go right away, whispering in your ear, “This place is a shitshow, I don’t think we’ll stay.”

You pout as you pull away. “We said beer pong,” you remind him.

He rolls his eyes, though you know he’s always liked playing beer pong. So you manage to convince him to go for at least one game, though you know you’ll have to wait in line for a while before it’s your actual time to play. It makes for an awkward waiting - Ria and Seokjin are both ignoring each other, and Yoongi and you are standing in the middle, trying to engage in conversation.

You’re finally on the side of the table when you recognize your brother’s laugh, a sound you were sort of hoping not to hear in this crowd. You look to your left - he’s by the garden doors that lead to the backyard, Ariane cuddled up against him, and you think the girl standing with her back to you has to be Gabrielle.

“Shit,” you let out.

Yoongi furrows his brow at the sudden curse. “What’s wrong?” You motion towards the door, and his eyes widen. “Is that who I think it is?”

He knows about Gabrielle. He’s stalked her with you, during one of your many downward spirals, and Gabrielle has that kind of aura that is all too recognizable, even if you’ve only seen her once in a picture.

“I think so,” you reply, and Ria finally leans in to join the conversation.

“Is that Gaby?” she asks, loud enough for the people around you to hear.

You tap her arm, giving her a warning glance, though you’re pretty sure no one’s actually listening. Even Seokjin didn’t glance towards you at the outburst.

But Taehyung notices you, and you quickly turn away, pretending to be focused on the game unfolding on the table in front of you. There’s one cup on the left, three on the other side, and the girls playing are clearly more talented than you: they both shoot it in the lone glass when their turn comes, hugging as they shriek in happiness from their victory.

“Let’s go,” Ria says, and she pulls you to one end of the table as soon as the girls have moved. 

Yoongi and Seokjin take the other side, even though Seokjin truly does appear like he wishes he wasn’t here, and you put the cups back into their spot, reorganizing the table.

Your brother appears next to you before you start, and you offer him a tight-lipped smile.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks. 

“Me?” you let out, your voice uncharacteristically high. “Nothing.”

“You’ve been ignoring me,” he says through gritted teeth, the typical Kim temper flaring up.

You grab the neon orange ball Ria hands you, shrugging your shoulders. “I haven’t. Just been busy.”

He clenches his jaw, yet remains silent as you focus on the table, preparing for the first shot, the one that determines who between you and Ria or Yoongi and Seokjin will play first.

You’re against Yoongi, so you know you’ve already lost when you shoot. To your surprise, Yoongi misses, his ball bouncing off on the side of a cup. Yours flies way off the table, and you wince.

“That was trash,” Taehyung comments.

“Thanks,” you fire back.

Ria and Seokjin throw, and Ria surprisingly manages to get the shot. You clap your hands as she offers you a thumbs-up.

“Seriously though,” Taehyung asks, handing you the ball that Seokjin threw. “What’s wrong? Why did you move out?”

“Hold on,” you say. 

You take a deep breath, trying to push the anxiety of his questioning away, and you throw. The ball stays on the table this time, bouncing right next to one of the cups.

“Honestly it’s just so that I can spend time with Ria,” you answer, motioning to your friend. “She’s going through shit.”

Ria tenses next to you, offering you a quick glare before she focuses on shooting, unfortunately missing the cups.

“Oh,” Taehyung lets out. “I thought it was because of Ari.”

Speaking of Ari, you don’t see her anywhere near. You wonder where she went off to - are you lucky enough that she and Gabrielle left the party?

“Not at all,” you reply, and then you focus on the game as Seokjin and Yoongi prepare to throw. They both make it into a cup, and you clink your almost empty beer with Ria’s, taking a long sip before you move the cups to the side. “Ari’s super sweet.”

“She’ll be relieved when I tell her so,” Taehyung admits. “She was saying she could leave if it was an issue with you that she moves in with us.”

“It really isn’t,” you reassure Taehyung, feeling momentarily guilty for making Ariane feel like that. “I’ll probably come back eventually too.”

Taehyung’s eyes light up. “That’d be sick. We need to start doing Taco Tuesdays again.”

Taco Tuesdays. You’d forgotten all about them last semester - you’d spent every Tuesday last fall eating tacos with Taehyung, Jungkook joining once in a while. It was a tradition you’d had growing up with your mother too - when she wasn’t too busy working.

“I’m down,” you reply, and you get ready to throw.

To your surprise, you make the shot, landing it in the first cup at the front. Ria throws hers, and it bounces on the rim of one of the glasses before Seokjin catches it expertly. 

“Is Jungkook coming tonight?” you ask.

Everything stills inside of you. You don’t even know why you asked - you didn’t even think about it before the question fell. But then again, you think it makes sense that Jungkook would invade your thoughts now. 

When does he not?

Ria throws you a curious look at the question, though you don’t miss the disapproval in the furrow of her brows. 

“JK?” Taehyung says, as if he wasn’t sure. “I don’t think so. He says he wants to focus on college this semester.”

You nod curtly, getting ready to defend your cups as Seokjin and Yoongi throw. To your luck, they both miss, and you let Ria shoot first as you focus on Taehyung again.

“Makes sense now that he has to work for his father’s company, no?” you say, trying to sound as if you don’t care.

As if Jungkook is not the center of your universe, still to this day.

“I guess so,” Taehyung comments, and you throw, entirely missing the table again.

Ria lands hers in a cup though, which leaves four cups in front of the boys and three in front of you and Ria.

“I still can’t believe the motherfucker is rich and he never told us,” Taehyung adds.

You get the feeling. You still think New York was a fever dream - even more so now that you’ve lost Jungkook. The thought makes your heart ache in your chest, and it trickles down your body, burning all along the way.

“It’s crazy,” you let out, and it sounds just as flat as you feel - like maybe your heart just flatlined in your chest.

Taehyung makes a non-committal sound, and you’re able to focus on the rest of the game without any interruption. You evidently end up losing to Seokjin and Yoongi, and you shake hands with the boys, congratulating them for their win, even though you’d all expected it. 

“I’ll go get something to drink,” Taehyung says when you finally glance his way again. “Stay away from the punch.”

And then he leaves, and you mimic him as he walks away, raising your middle finger to his back. Ria snorts next to you, and you laugh along with her.

“He’s making me want to have some of the punch,” she says, and you laugh harder.

“Hard pass,” Seokjin says, and Ria stiffens next to you. “I tasted it, and it tastes like piss.”

“Wouldn’t even be surprised if someone pissed in it,” Yoongi says. “This party is…”

“Juvenile?” you provide.

Ria laughs, though it sounds a little forced. “It’s fun, stop.”

She sounds just as unconvinced as you think she seems, yet you all don’t mention it, which you reckon happens a lot around her lately. 

“I think we’ll head out,” Yoongi says after a few seconds. “Want to have a beer back at my place?”

“And disturb the lovebirds?” Ria answers. “No thank you.”

Indeed, Namjoon and Nabi chose to stay in tonight, and you don’t have to use a lot of brain power to imagine what they might be doing right now, when they finally have full privacy in the apartment.

“Right,” Yoongi lets out. He winces, then shrugs his shoulders. “Guess we’re stuck here for a couple of hours, then.”

He says that in Seokjin’s direction, who runs a hand on his forehead before nodding. “Can we at least go outside?”

“Sure. You girls coming?” Yoongi asks, motioning to the backyard.

Ria doesn’t even wait for you to reply, instead tugging you towards the garden doors. You stop her, glancing over your shoulder. “I actually really have to pee, but I’ll join you guys outside?”

She narrows her gaze in suspicion, and you furrow your brows. She leans in, whispering, “Are you trying to leave me alone with Seokjin?”

You snort. “Not at all,” you reply, patting her hand on your arm. “I genuinely am just about to pee myself. You know how I am with beer.”

She fake-gags, and you playfully push her as she bursts out laughing. “Ayt, we’ll be outside.” 

You wave them goodbye, and Seokjin awkwardly waves back before following Yoongi and Ria. You chuckle at the sight before heading to the bathroom, which you think is probably on the second floor.

So you make it towards the staircase you see in the corner, squeezing through the crowd and apologizing all the way, though most people are too drunk to even notice you. You successfully make it to the staircase, and you walk around the group of girls sitting on the steps, making it to the second floor unscathed. 

“Bathroom?” a guy who clearly looks like he belongs to the frat asks you.

You almost startle at the unexpected question, though you recover quickly, nodding your head. 

“Last door on the left,” he tells you. “I think someone’s in there right now though.”

“Should I not wait then?” you ask.

He chuckles. “From what I saw when I exited it was just one girl alone so, you should be good.”

“Thanks,” you answer, offering him a small smile, and he nods once before heading down the stairs, though he quickly realizes that it might be too big of a feat. He indeed just plops down on the stairs, striking up a conversation with the girls there.

They look like they know him, so you walk away, heading to the last door on the left. You lean against the wall outside, pulling your phone out of your pocket. 

No notifications greet you, so you push it back into your pocket, right as the door unlocks, and then opens.

You freeze, just as much as she does. Both of your gazes widening, until she lets out a small, “Hello”, the word heavy with a French accent.

Of course, the girl in the bathroom had to be Gabrielle.

“Hi,” you reply, and you try to smile, though you’re not sure it works.

“You’re Taehyung’s sister, aren’t you?” she asks.

You nod curtly. “The one and only.”

She smiles. “Thought so.” There’s a pause as she doesn’t move from the doorway, and you just wait, awkwardness filling every inch of you. 

Her next sentence throws you off the axis you’ve been spinning on for months now, and you just stare at her in disbelief. 

“You’re not with Jungkook tonight?” she asks.

You feel hot and cold at the same time, your heart rate picking up uncomfortably in your chest. Your palms turn clammy, and you wouldn’t be surprised if sweat appeared on your temples.

“I’m sorry, what?”

She frowns. “I thought Ari said…” she trails off, and then she shrugs her shoulders. “Whatever.” She smiles gently. “I’m happy he’s got you now.”

You think your eyes are bulging out of your head. They have to - the conversation isn’t making any sense, and you aren’t drunk enough to blame it on the alcohol.

“What?”

Her frown reappears. “Aren’t you two dating now?”

You laugh. It’s a sad, pathetic laugh, and Gabrielle looks at you like you’re crazy.

“He cheated on me with you,” you say. “Why would I be dating him?”

The frown falls, replaced by utter surprise. Her mouth opens on a silent ‘Oh’, like she wants to say something but doesn’t know what to say. It takes her a few seconds to collect herself, and then she says, “Non mais putain qu’il est con.”

You don’t speak French, so all you can do is cock an eyebrow quizzically. And then she lets out a small disbelieving laugh, shaking her head.

“I told him to tell you,” she says, and she closes her eyes, pinches the bridge of her nose. “But he’s really stupid sometimes.”

“I’m sorry?”

She offers you a small smile bordering on pity, and you brace yourself for what she’ll say next.

“Fille, I’m gay,” she says. “Jungkook was always only pretending to be my boyfriend so my family wouldn’t know. I didn’t know about you when I kissed him in Paris, and I only kissed him because Ari was growing suspicious.” 

You think you’re frozen in place. Like, stared into Medusa’s eyes and turned to stone frozen in place. All you can do is stare at Gabrielle, unblinkingly, as her words spin round and round in your head, caught in a dizzying tornado you can’t follow.

“I told him to tell you,” she repeats, and she sounds far too apologetic for the erratic beating of your heart. For the realization that she just hit you with.

You think she hit harder than a physical slap would have.

“What?” you say, voice small and weak and oh so broken.

Months. You’ve been breaking for him for months… and for what? For a promise he refused to break, one that would have explained everything in a way that would have made you work.

You would have forgiven him, no hesitation. Hell, you reckon you would have told him you loved him, would have told him you wanted to be with him from now on until you turn to dust.

But he had to choose to respect a promise he made years ago, to an ex that wasn’t really an ex after all, was she?

Just a friend from high school.

She was, after all, just a friend from high school.

She nods. “Yeah. He told me all about you.” She smiles again, though this time it’s just sad, like she knows just how shattered you are over this man. “I was rooting for you two.”

“He didn’t tell me,” you whisper as if Gabrielle hadn’t already pieced that together. “Why?”

She sighs. “He’s stupid,” she says as an explanation. “He’s the kind that’ll sacrifice himself if it means helping someone else. I suppose you know that already.”

You nod, because you do.

He sacrificed himself for you last semester when you got home crying on Valentine’s Day. And he sacrificed countless parties over his promise to Taehyung to look after you.

And he sacrificed you to protect Gabrielle’s secret.

“Holy shit,” you let out.

“Talk to him,” she says softly. “Go talk to him now. I’m not letting him lose you over me.” She scoffs, the frown she’d sported earlier returning. “I should have realized before. That he didn’t tell you. I’m sorry.”

Your gaze widens, and you shake your head no. “Oh, no, don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

It’s not your fault if he broke my heart.

It’s always just been his fault, hasn’t it?

But then again… you know now. You know that he never cheated on you, that he was right when he was saying that it wasn’t what you thought it was. 

You know that he was there, with you. That he felt for you what you felt for him, that he was chasing cars around your head, too.

And if there’s a chance you can salvage that, repair two hearts in one stone, you know you have to do it.

“I have to talk to him.” You say the words with quiet conviction, and Gabrielle nods, offering you an encouraging smile. “Fuck.”

“Go to him, fille,” Gabrielle says. “And tell him he’s an enfoiré for me.”

You highly doubt you’d be able to repeat that word, yet you still say, “Will do.”

And then you take off, entirely forgetting that you had to pee. You have one goal in mind, and it’s to run home, where you know he has to be according to what Taehyung said. You don’t even stop to text him, to confirm that he really is.

No, you run down the stairs, through the crowd and outside. The front lawn isn’t as crowded as earlier, and you easily make it to the sidewalk, skidding to a halt just long enough to change direction. 

And then you’re running home. Running home to him, your heart beating wildly. For the right reason this time. And as you run, lungs struggling to get enough oxygen in, thighs burning with heat, you feel infinite. You feel like you’re a star in the sky above, or maybe the moon returning to her lover. You feel like a bird soaring high, like a dolphin riding the waves.

You feel young and old and small and big, all at once. Like nothing is ever going to stop you again. You feel in love, you are in love, and after all the months of suffering, you reckon it’s the most beautiful feeling you’ve ever experienced.

You didn’t know you could sprint like you are right now, yet even though your body is straining, you’re not slowing down. You’ve pulled your phone out of your pocket to make sure it doesn’t fall as you run, yet you don’t slow down.

You can’t slow down anymore, not when your gravity finally aligned with his again.

Like it was always meant to be. Because it’s always been meant to be you and him, hasn’t it?

You make it home in a record time, climbing up the stairs… only to realize you don’t have your keys. They are back at the dorms, but it’s too late.

You try the door, and to your surprise, the doorknob turns, and you barge into your home, barge into this life with him.

You catch your breath as you stop in the hall, doubling over when you realize you’ve actually ran - sprinted - for nearly a mile. You’re lucky the frat house wasn’t further away - you highly doubt you would have made it home if it was any further.

“Y/n?” Jungkook says from his bedroom.

You straighten, trying to catch your breath. And the second your eyes land on him, you know it was all worth it.

Every single second of suffering was worth it to be here with him tonight.

“Jungkook,” you say in between two heaving breaths.

He’s shirtless, his honey skin just as warm as you remember it to be. He’s in fact only wearing grey joggers, and his hands are lost in his pockets like he’s trying to look nonchalant.

The concern on his features tells you he, as a matter of fact, isn’t as nonchalant as he’s trying to appear.

“Shit,” you let out. “Jungkook.”

“Yes?”

You laugh. You know you might look crazy, but you literally just ran a mile for this man, and each foot was worth it. 

The grandest journey of your life, wasn’t it?

“She told me,” you say.

He cocks an eyebrow. “What?”

“Gabrielle told me everything.” You surprise yourself by blinking away tears, and you let out a small laugh as you go to dry them.

Jungkook remains silent, just staring at you with horror slowly inching into his gaze. You don’t know how, or why, but it only occurs to you then that he might not be alone right now. 

“Kook?” you whisper, unable to say it louder.

Not when you’re slowly crashing down from the high.

“Y/n, I…” he trails off. He closes his eyes, head hanging low. “I wasn’t expecting this.”

You gulp as you swallow. “Yeah, huh.”

You look down, noticing a pair of sneakers you’ve never seen before.

It takes all of the courage you can muster up to look back up when the door of the bathroom opens, revealing a dishevelled Lisa, in only a t-shirt you recognize all too well.

You’d used to sleep in that t-shirt, too.

Lisa sees you after you see her, turning beet red. She’s naked under Jungkook’s shirt, or at least you think she is.

You assume she is considering that he’s shirtless too.

“Oh,” you let out.

Choke out might be a more appropriate word. Because you’re crashing, and you’re crashing hard. Hitting the wall at 120 mph, splattering on it until there’s nothing left of you. Nothing left of that hope you’d found at the party, the hope Gabrielle had so kindly gifted you even though she owed you nothing.

Someone’s screaming. You think someone’s screaming - is it just in your head?

“Hey, Y/n,” Lisa says awkwardly. “Didn’t know you were here.”

“I live here,” you reply, voice empty of any emotion.

She purses her lips, nodding once, and then she hesitantly walks out of the bathroom. “I’m sorry I… I didn’t know you’d be here tonight.”

Neither did you. Neither did Jungkook - it would have saved everyone a whole lot of breaking if you’d known. 

If you’d known that having hope for Jeon Jungkook was futile and useless. 

How could you even think you were meant to be with him? There is no universe for you and him out there. Just different worlds of breaking. Because it’s all your soul knows how to do - all your soul knows is to break for him, to shatter and crash and fracture for the man standing in front of his opened bedroom door.

“No worries,” you say, though this time your voice does wobble.

This time, the pain does colour your tone in heartbreak blue.

Jungkook just remains silent, like he’s suddenly gone mute. You think it’s better like this - if he were to say anything right now, you think you’d likely break down here. Instead, you take a deep breath, pat your pockets and say, “I think I forgot my keys at the party.”

Unable to help yourself, you glance towards Jungkook once. He meets your gaze - he looks infinitely pained, the heartbreak stark on his features too. There’s some reassurance in knowing that he’s breaking, too. That you’re doing it together. 

Heartbreak isn’t as lonely when you’re doing it together. 

“How did you…” Lisa trails off, but she doesn’t finish.

She falls silent, clearly hearing the screaming in your head too.

You’re outside a second later, carefully closing the door behind you. Carefully severing the rest of your relationship with Jungkook, until all that is left is the memories.

You take a step back, looking at the door, thinking he might open, might come see you.

Thinking he might be your home after all.

But he doesn’t, the door staying stubbornly closed. You get the message - your souls were never meant to merge. The songs that you thought were about him, about you, about the two of you together, they were never about you. You were never meant to lie down and forget the world with him. 

Or maybe you were, but it came with an expiration date.

You reckon you and Jungkook have always had an expiration date. You just forgot tonight, became blind to it thanks to false, treacherous hope. And so you leave, walking down the stairs as you blink away the tears that are clinging to your waterline.

You embrace the heartbreak, let it sweep through you until you think it’s all you’ve ever known. And like a true companion, the heartbreak carries your steps through the night.

Prev | Chapter 13.5 | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

do I feel bad for the amount of angst I wrote into this story? Maybe a little. I promise one day things will get better for these two, but in the meantime, what did you guys think?

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2024. Do not copy, repost or translate.

[makethemmilky]

Lisa was not one of those women who had been super eager to actually be pregnant. Sure, she’d always wanted to have a child or two, but the actual act of growing the baby inside her was always something she’d viewed as a necessary evil. But in those first few weeks after her positive pregnancy test, she had been pleasantly surprised by how normal it all felt. There was no morning sickness, no weird aches or pains, instead only a pleasant sensation of fullness that grew a little stronger week by week.

Normally Lisa was an avid jogger and frequent participant at various fitness classes, but as she entered her second trimester she found her interest in those things waning. It wasn’t that her energy levels were dropping; rather she found herself pretty much obsessed with only two things: eating, and fucking her husband senseless. All that indulging soon led to a growth spurt, and with her sensitive body growing softer and thicker in all the right places it was no surprise she wanted more of the same dick that had made her this way in the first place.

By the third trimester, Lisa was almost a completely different woman from the waist down. Her breasts, always a little bit too big for her slender frame, had exploded in size and now wobbled heavily against the bottom of her ribcage. A flat, trim stomach now swelled proudly outward, and more often than not at least one hand was stationed on it. The fullness she’d felt earlier had grown more and more intense, and by now it was almost wonderfully overpowering. Lisa felt so so s gravid, so slow, so heavy, and so wonderfully feminine. In these final days, all she felt a desire to do was laze around, enjoying the sensations of her pregnant form while her husband made her vast curves quiver and shake.

Any day now the baby would arrive, and Lisa would get her body back. She’d be free to go back to work, go back to the gym, and even have boozy nights out. But as she stared down at her new body, and felt both the life inside her and every new inch of feminine flesh that she’d grown, she was really starting to wonder if one child would truly be enough for her.

[growingstories]

Lumberjack

Dennis had always been the golden boy. In high school, he had been the star football player, admired by his peers and adored by the cheerleaders. He had graduated with honors and married his high school sweetheart, Lisa, shortly after. Life seemed perfect for the young couple. After college, Dennis became a local lawyer, a position that provided him with stability and a comfortable income. However, as the years went by, Dennis found himself gaining weight. The blame fell on Lisa, who was an excellent cook and loved to indulge her husband's every culinary desire.

Despite his growing waistline, Dennis and Lisa's marriage seemed healthy. They enjoyed a passionate sex life, and Lisa had a way of luring him to stay home with her, ensuring that he became more and more dependent on her presence.

The controlling nature that had once seemed harmless started to become problematic for Dennis. Lisa had him wrapped around her finger, making decisions for him and dictating every aspect of his life. Dennis felt suffocated and longed for some freedom.

One fateful day, as Dennis was searching through his belongings, he stumbled upon a letter that Lisa had left behind. It was a divorce petition. Dennis was devastated. Feeling lost and unsure of what to do next, he turned to his best friend, Mike, for support.

Mike suggested they escape the chaos of their small town and retreat to Dennis's family cabin in the remote woods. With no car, electricity, or cellphone service, it would be a true getaway from the world they knew. The journey to the cabin was perilous, involving a two-hour walk through dangerous territory, filled with the constant threat of wolves and bears. Which meant that Dennis would have to stay in and around the cabin and be completely dependent on others. They reached the cabin, and Mike promised to check in with Dennis the next day while leaving him with enough food and supplies to last three days. Left alone in the cabin, Dennis's anger and frustration drove him to chop wood furiously, channeling his emotions into physical labor. The satisfying sound of the axe hitting the logs became his solace. But as the anger subsided, he found himself overcome with grief, and he sought solace in the comfort of food. Unbeknownst to him, Dennis devoured almost the entire stock of food Mike had left. He fell into an exhausted sleep, which lasted almost 14 hours, worn out from the emotional journey he had undergone. When Mike returned the next day, he was shocked to find the food stock empty. But he hadn't given up on his best friend. Mike came prepared again, bringing more food, promising to check on Dennis regularly to ensure his well-being. The visits became frequent as Dennis recovered from the pain of his broken marriage. The local hardware store owner, who had heard about Dennis's situation, also started bringing supplies and treats. Dennis found himself indulging as food became his only comfort.

As the days turned into weeks, Dennis's belly bulged, revealing the consequences of his excessive eating. Mike, worried about his friend's health, brought him bigger shirts to accommodate his growing frame. Determined to keep Dennis entertained, Mike also brought books and other forms of entertainment to combat the crippling boredom. With the arrival of spring, the need for wood diminished, making Dennis lazier by the day. He gained even more weight, his ever-expanding belly becoming his constant companion.

Mike and the hardware store owner continued to support Dennis, visiting less frequently but providing larger quantities of food each time. Every encounter gave Dennis a sense of validation, as he believed his muscles were growing beneath the layers of fat. His self-confidence soared, and he grew content with his life in the secluded cabin. One day, after a few weeks of isolation, Mike returned to the cabin. He was taken aback by the drastic change in Dennis. The once-fit ex-jock had transformed into a massive man, his stomach protruding outwards, making it difficult for him to catch his breath.

Worried for his friend's well-being, Mike felt it was time to intervene. Despite Dennis's happiness with his current lifestyle, Mike knew that enabling his excessive eating habits was not the answer. With a heavy heart, Mike convinced Dennis to come back to reality and resume his life in the town. Reluctantly, Dennis agreed and found himself in the office of a local law firm once again. He had no plans to lose weight or change his lifestyle; he had embraced his new body and was content with who he had become.

Despite his physical transformation, Dennis found happiness in his newfound acceptance of himself. He continued to work at the law firm and forged new friendships in town. People admired his confidence and zest for life, appreciating him for who he was rather than his physical appearance. Dennis lived his life unapologetically, relishing in the joy of good food and reveling in every moment. He had come a long way from the ex-jock who had been lured into a controlling marriage and found solace in food. Dennis had found his own version of happiness, one that allowed him to appreciate the fullness of life, both figuratively and literally.

[holylulusworld]

Designed by pain (1)

Summary: Broken hearts are hard to put back together. 8 years ago, Dean lost something he didn’t even know he had in the first place. Will he get a second chance?

Pairing: former AU!Dean Winchester x fem!Reader; Arthur Ketch x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, language, implied break-up, time jumps, strong reader, Dean being a douche (implied), unplanned pregnancy

A/N: This was an alternative idea for the first chapter of my Bucky story: Monster-in-law masterlist. I decided to use it for a story with Dean.

Designed by pain masterlist

Designed by pain (Prologue)

One night of passion, a life-long responsibility. The words you wrote echo in your mind. It’s only a few days since you left Dean and the house, but you are already falling apart. 

You spent the better part of the drive back to your shared home being scared of the future. 

Having a baby so soon into your relationship wasn’t in your plans. Neither was it to raise the child alone. Even though you know, there is no way you’ll not love the life growing inside your body.

“Fuck, what do I do now?” You slam the door shut behind you and immediately sink to your knees. You choke out a sob and hide your face in the palms of your hands. 

Six days and Dean didn’t even try to call you, nor did he come home. 

He’s over you already, and Lisa will take your place. Maybe it never was your place. You were only a placeholder until she came back into the picture.

You grit your teeth and huff. “Fuck you, Dean Winchester.” Something breaks inside of you, and you don’t know if it’s a bad thing. 

The part of you loving Dean unconditionally already starts to fade, and the bitch in the back of your mind taking over whenever you got hurt wins the upper hand.

You straighten your back and look at the woman in the mirror staring back at you. You smirk and put your hands on your hips. “I guess this means we are going to leave and start all over again. Don’t worry little bean,” you lovingly run your hand over your belly, “we are going to fucking rock this…”

One last step and your new life can begin. This is it, the point of no return. Your life with Dean is over, and you are not even sorry anymore.

You gave him time and space to realize what he was about to lose. In the end, you and his baby weren’t important enough to him to even try to talk things out.

Even if he didn’t want to be in a relationship with you any longer, he could’ve at least tried to be a father to his child.

Now you will be a father and mother to the bean growing in your belly. You’re strong and won’t back down, or cry over spilled milk.

If you look back at this moment in a few years, you will clap your hands and cheer for yourself. You’re stronger than Dean or anyone else gave you credit for. Everyone believed you’re only the cheerful and soft girl who loves to bake cookies and dreams of marrying the man you love.

A week ago, you were this person. 

Today you are someone else. An Amazon, who will take her life in her hands and move on from a man who never loved her…

The takeoff is both exciting and terrifying. You are flying to another country, to live on another continent. Your old life will be in the past, and you can only think about the future from now on. 

Holding your old plushie in your hands, squeezing it tightly you take deep breaths. “In and out,” you tell yourself to calm your nerves. Flying always makes you nervous. This didn’t change.

“How do you like first class, Miss Y/L/N,” your new boss asks. He paid for a first-class ticket so you could talk about your new position and the house he rented for you.

“Thank you for inviting me,” you give him a quick smile. Arthur Ketch is a very polite and charming man, but you cannot appreciate him at the moment. 

“I have to thank you for accepting our job offer,” he says and dips his head to watch you nervously run your hand over your belly. “How far are you?”

“Oh—” heat creeps into your cheeks. You should’ve told him that you were pregnant before accepting his company’s offer. “I…I should’ve told you.”

“Most of our employees are mothers and fathers, Y/N. We are a family-friendly company with family-friendly work conditions. And the boss likes you, and your reputation.” He smirks now and leans closer to look at your belly.

“Do you think he’ll like that I didn’t tell them about my pregnancy? I didn’t do it on purpose. I got to know about my pregnancy only a few days ago, and I didn’t intend to accept the job offer at that time.”

“You know that I’m the boss, right?” Ketch grins. 

“You are the boss now?” Your eyes round. “Since when?”

He shrugs. “I was the one behind the job offer. Robert Singer talked highly about you when we last met. From that moment on, I wanted you to work for us. If I told you back then that I was the CEO of the BMOL you would’ve never accepted our offer.”

“So, you tricked me,” you chuckle. “Lately all men seem to lie to me.” You sigh deeply. “Sorry, that was inappropriate. I didn’t want to…” You sniff. “Sorry.”

“You accepted my job offer because of a bad break-up I assume,” he pats your hand. “It’s alright, Y/N. London is the perfect place to start over. I will show you the town, and help you settle in. If you need help, I’ll be there. We care for our employees.”

“Is that a British thing?” You quirk a brow.

“It’s an Arthur Ketch thing,” he replies. “If you ask me, he’s a fool for letting you go. Sorry. Now I was the one saying inappropriate things, Y/N. You can punch me if you want to.”

“No, you’re right,” you hastily reply. “I gave him a choice, but he just gave up on us after meeting his ex-girlfriend again. The job offer was tempting, but I couldn’t imagine leaving the man I love. He made things so much easier for me. I got a new job and a new life. Maybe I should thank him for being the douche he is.”

“You deserve better,” Ketch softly says. “I know that we barely know each other, but believe me, he’s not worth a single tear. A gentleman should never make a woman cry or hurt her. Especially the one carrying his child.”

You give Ketch a sad smile. You’re embarrassed how easily he saw right through you. It wasn’t your intention to talk about your pregnancy and broken heart with your new boss.

“Y/N don’t worry. Everything we talked about today won’t leave this airplane,” he pats your hand. “If you need a friend, I’ll be there…”

Part 2

[shiorimakibawrites]

Day 2 - Forget-Me-Nots

Prompt: 2 - Flower Crowns Character: Frank Castle Pairings: Frank Castle x Reader Tags: @loves0phelia, @nowheredreamer, @beezusvreeland Warnings: Fluff, original child character, reference canon character death, grief Tuna-Tober Masterlist 2024

Forget-Me-Nots

There was something so adorable about your daughter Sophia making flower crowns. She was so serious about it. Asking for very specific flowers. Brows furrowed, the tip of her tongue sticking out as she painstakingly assembled each crown. No mistaking who her father was. Frank got the same look on his face when he did maintenance on his guns.

But your little one was enjoying herself. That proud, little smile when she finished one said it all. Along with the big, ear-to-ear one when she presented each crown to its intended recipient. So far, everyone had accepted theirs and donned them immediately.

Including Frank. He immediately knelt down so his daughter could place the crown on his head. It should have looked absurd. Big Marine with a delicate flower crown on his head with thin blue ribbons trailing down his back. But it didn’t. It looked sweet.

The ribbon matched the tiny flowers. You wondered if Frank recognized them. Forget-me-nots, symbolizing true love, memories, and remembrance. It was rather apt but it was unlikely Sophia knew just how apt. She probably just thought that flowers would look pretty on her daddy.

Which they did. The sky-blue color was a pleasing contrast against his dark hair.

You’d bet a similar logic governed the hibiscus gracing your crown. That she just thought the colorful flowers were pretty. And familiar since you grow them in the garden. But even though it was just coincidence, it’s meaning of being consumed by love was so true. You had never felt so much love as you did now, in your little home with your husband and your daughter.

There was no mystery behind Sophia’s choice of sweet-peas for her own crown. Frank had been calling her sweet-pea since the day she was born.

On the other hand, Sophia had made other apt choices for flowers. Irises for Karen (your friendship means so much to me), sunflowers for Foggy (constancy and devotion), and chrysanthums for Curtis (you are a wonderful friend). Just to name a few.

The love and devotion of lavender for Matt was rather apt but Sophia seemed to have picked it for its sleep-aid properties. Given that she solemnly told him that he needed more naps when she placed the crown on his head. It had taken all of your willpower not to laugh. You were not alone in that regard.

The pale purple flowers seemed to be working their magic. Your boss was practically dozing on your couch, his head pillowed against Karen’s shoulder. Which was rather amazing considering that was Sophia and her friends had set up shop just feet away in the kitchen. And they weren’t being quiet.

Speaking of Sophia, she was tugging at Frank’s hand, “Daddy, daddy, I need your help!”

“Sure, sweet-pea,” he said, allowing himself to be tugged toward the crown making. You followed the pair, curious. Sophia had been very adamant about making her crowns herself, that she was a big girl.

On the table in front of her chair, you could see the beginnings of another flower crown. This one also featured forget-me-nots.

“What do you need, sweet pea?”

“Lisa’s favorite flower!”

You felt your breathe catch. There wasn’t anyone at this party with that name. There was only one Lisa she could be talking about.

“Lisa’s favorite flower?” Frank repeated. His voice was surprisingly even. Provided that you didn’t know him. You, however, could hear the brittleness. Frank might sound calm but he wasn’t feeling calm. Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw Curtis drift closer.

“Yes, for her crown.”

Frank took a deep breath. “Baby, Lisa’s in Heaven. She can’t wear a flower crown.”

This time he couldn’t keep the pain out of his voice. You put your arm around your husband’s waist, silently offering your support. His body felt like stone under your hands. But he put his arm over your shoulder, pulling you close to him.

“I know,” Sophia said. She looked up at you both with those big brown eyes. Frank’s eyes. Her expression was unusually somber. “But she was my sister. She deserves a crown too.”

“Yeah,” Frank said, his voice thick with unshed tears. “You’re right, sweet-pea. Lisa deserves her crown.”

He looked over the collection of flowers. His hands shook a little when he gathered up the yellow roses, handing them over to Sophia. Who took them with a little smile for her father. Silently she became to weave the roses amongst the forget-me-nots. The same flowers she had gifted Frank.

You weren’t surprised when Frank excused himself, claiming that he had to use the bathroom. Nor that his eyes were red when he returned. But he smiled when Sophia showed him Lisa’s crown. “It’s beautiful, sweet-pea. Lisa would have loved it.”

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Yellow roses mean friendship and remember me.

[hoyotournament]

Semifinals: Collei vs Furina

(Propaganda under the cut)

Collei:

MY DEADALIVEGIRL!!!!!!!!!! i genuinely don't even know where to start. collei is such a beautiful beautiful character who's entire story revolves around a girl who's been dehumanized and exploited for her entire life, healing through compassion and a recognition of her own humanity. first of all, when we meet collei in the genshin manhua, she is full of vitriolic anger and hate at both the world and herself. she's been dehumanized over and over and over again and because its a repetitive experience, she fully believes that her lack of worth is something innately true. this only changes when someone (amber) shows her unrelenting compassion and trust. amber goes against everything that collei believed about herself. amber tells her that she is not only capable of good, but she is good. amber reinforces this novel idea that collei deserves goodness. and that realization is the moment that collei begins recognizing her own humanity, and thus, recognizing her own potential to grow, heal, and be the good person that amber knows she is. every moment thus forth is a demonstration of her attempts to grow and be kind!!!! she decides to go through with cyno's sealing ritual even with its conditions! she asks lisa to help her write a letter at the end of the manhua! she mends amber's tattered clothes like she promised! she decides to go to sumeru, a land of wisdom! it's so pertinent to her character that she gains her vision (representative of her ambition) during a show of compassion (protecting a child during a dangerous storm)! it's even in her symbolism with the way she's constantly referred to as a sproutling. NOT EVEN MENTIONING HOW THE REBIRTH METAPHOR THATS APPLIED TO HER CHARACTER (re: sprout of rebirth, revived serval, cyno and anubis and their ritual) IS SO DEEPLY CONNECTED TO SUMERU (her being the first sumeru character we know of and having that rebirth metaphor hinted at in the manhua! that rebirth metaphor carrying over to the actual sumeru plot w nahida! the rebirth metaphor tying in with the snake and cat symbolism that she and the archon residue complete!!!!!!) she's just such a loaded character!! AND collei's one of the few genshin characters with canonical cptsd who has identifiable and realistically common triggers. most importantly, the game acknowledges that its there and in spite of that, shows her resilience in still trying and healing!!!! my disabled deadalive mummygirl i love her so bad.

Furina:

the girl who saved fontaine. condemned herself to a life of silent pain and suffering without any warning or preparation. she could confide in no one, seek out help from no one, all while bearing the weight of her entire nation on her shoulders. not only did her willpower save everyone in fontaine, but after the prophecy was averted, she was finally allowed to live a normal life.

[cardboardheartss]

Lisa Mini Personality Reading

The Moon rx, The Tower rx, Temperance, 5oS rx, The Devil, 2oC rx, 7oS, 7oC • Health, Love Spell rx, Let Go

Lisa really has been through a lot. She could be really emotionally distant/damaged? Whatever she has been through has forced her to go through a major transformation. Is it possible that she could’ve been bullied growing up?? Was she probably bullied for not having her biological father around?

Lisa unfortunately has escapist tendencies, probably some addictions or tendencies she does to ease her pain. She is also really determined to focus on her career, she will overwork herself to the brim just to show those who hurt her in the past; that she is successful and well known. And this is really dangerous for her because her health will deteriorate.

She is not interested in relationships at all! She will be very emotionally distant, and she will get with any man, as long as he has money and can help expand her horizons and successes.

Lisa has many good potential lovers but she pushes them away.

[k-evans-reads]

In Living Color

Chapter 25

We do NOT give permission for our works to be reuploaded, translated, or reposted on any other site. Our work is our own.

Previous | Main Masterlist | In Living Color Masterlist

July 25th, 2022

Chris let out a sigh of relief as he stepped into his mother’s house from the back door, the cool air of the home giving him and Scott a reprieve from the heatwave outside. They found their Ma in her kitchen, putting away some groceries with a smile on her face as she saw her sons. 

“I certainly didn’t expect to see you here today,” Lisa greeted, coming over to hug them both. She hugged Scott before hugging Chris, holding her oldest son's arms as she pulled away and told him, “I figured it would take at least another day for you to recover from the press tour.” 

Chris laughed, the sound echoing through the otherwise quiet home. “Oh I’ll be going to bed early tonight, that’s for sure,” he assured her with a nod. 

Scott smirked at the words, moving to grab a cup from a cabinet and fill it with water. “I’m honestly surprised that you didn’t just fly straight to San Francisco to see Nat,” he drawled, his voice booming. 

“Yeah, it’s been what? A month since you’ve seen her?” Lisa asked, raising a brow as she dropped her hands from Chris’ arms and headed back into the kitchen, pulling groceries from the bags resting on the island counter. 

“I was with her over the fourth so almost a month,” he corrected, leaning down to pet his Ma’s dogs as they danced at his feet. But then he thought back to his visit earlier in the month, at the fleeting moments they’d had together, but otherwise… he’d been alone. Nat’s schedule was busier than ever, if it was even possible, and she spent so much time glued to her laptop that he missed her even when he was there. “I miss Nat so fuckin’ much but I’m almost thinking about staying here.” 

Lisa raised a brow suspiciously as she closed the fridge, tucking the reusable grocery bags into each other. “Oh really?” She asked him while she looked at him curiously. 

“I’m just so exhausted. Going from filming earlier this year to the Lightyear press and right into The Gray Man press, I’m just so tired,” he murmured with a shake of his head as he leaned his hip against the island. “And now that I’ll be going to Atlanta soon for Pain Hustlers, I feel like I just need a break away from everything.” 

“Maybe Nat could come out here instead?” 

“Yeah I think I might ask her if she could,” Chris nodded his head. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see her, in fact, the opposite was true but after being dragged from one interview to another then put on a plane to make another appearance and do the whole routine again, he was craving his safe space more than ever. He just wanted to be home and sleep in his own bed, have home cooked meals, and decompress in the place he felt the most himself. Chris ran a hand through his hair while he mused, “I want to see her so bad, but when I’m there during the week, she’s at work anyway so it’s not like we get to spend much time together.” 

He watched as Lisa pursed her lips while she listened to his words. “Well maybe once you rest up a little more, you could go out for a weekend,” she suggested, her eyebrows raising hopefully as she looked at her oldest son. He shrugged his shoulders at that as he heard Scott’s small noise of agreement and sighed. 

“I don’t have many more weekends before I start filming again,” he began as he stared down at the marble countertop. He’d gotten the official schedules for both shoots a few weeks ago, and there was virtually no spare time once he started the first project, but what little time he had left before was quickly getting filled up in Massachusetts. He hadn’t been home for a long stretch of time since the previous year, and even then he spent most of 2021 in Los Angeles, growing his relationship with Nat. He’d missed home, missed seeing his family, the kids, getting to just live without constantly looking over his shoulder. And the growing list of responsibilities from ASP that he’d been ignoring while working were piling up, and his schedule was full of tasks between now and the middle of August. By then, he’d jump right into the shoots around Florida and Georgia with the cast of Pain Hustlers to then be in Atlanta working for months on end for Red One, having no real opportunities to visit Nat in California. “I just hate to disappoint Nattie.” 

“Honey, you know Nat will understand,” Lisa placated her son, looking at him seriously as she listened to his words. “She won’t want you to kill yourself just to come see her.” 

Chris shook his head, explaining, “Oh I know she’ll understand, Nat always does.” 

“I know a certain dog who will be happy that you’ll be around here for a while,” she pointed out with a small chuckle, shaking her head in amusement.

“You should have seen how I woke up this morning. Dodger was laying right on top of me,” Chris laughed, thankful for the shift in conversation away from him changing his and Nat’s plans. 

Scott’s dry laugh cut through the room as he told their mother, “He’s been right on Chris’ heels all day.” 

Lisa smiled at the comment, before her eyes turned curious and she looked at Chris as he finally sat down in a barstool next to Chris. “What were you guys up to today?” She asked them both, looking between them. 

“Well…” Chris started as Scott bit his lip, turning to look at him as well. With both his Ma’s and Scott’s eyes on him, a smile crossed his lips.  “That’s actually part of the reason we came over…” 

“Why’s that?” 

A warm smile crossed his lips as his brain was able to switch from the exhaustion his whole body was clouded in, to instead thinking about the purchase he made hours earlier and the meaning that came with it as he told his mother, “I bought something for Nat today that I wanted to show you…” 

He could feel Lisa’s eyes on him as he pulled the velvet box out of the plain white bag and handed it over to her. He watched as she flipped it open and saw the shining diamond ring inside as she gasped, “Chris, you got her a ring? You’re going to ask her to marry you?” 

“Yeah Ma, I am,” a warmth spread throughout him as he said those words out loud. 

Chris could see the tears glossing her eyes as she gasped, “Oh honey, I couldn’t be happier.” 

“Me neither,” he shook his head almost in disbelief that this was really happening. His own tears started gathering in his blue eyes, making him blink furiously before he swallowed the emotional lump in his throat, “I think I’ve known for a while now that Nat was the one for me but when I was with her in San Francisco for our anniversary earlier this year I just… knew. I just don’t want anyone but her.” 

“I knew from that first time I met her that you two would be together,” Lisa stated firmly before going over to hug her eldest son tightly. 

“I think we all knew that one,” Scott chimed in with a chuckle from where he had sat down at the counter, knowing that Chris and Nat being together was something they all saw coming a mile away. 

Chris had to wipe a hand along his cheeks, swiping away the tears as he admitted, “I just love her so much. I never even knew it could feel like this,” 

“I’m so happy for you Chris. I can honestly say this is the best decision you’ve ever made,” his mother encouraged him with a hand rubbing up and down his back but then wanted to know, “When are you going to ask her?” 

The question was one he’d been thinking about a lot but still hadn’t figured out an answer to, letting her in, “I’m not sure yet. I don’t really have a specific time so I’m just going to ask her when the moment feels right.” 

Lisa couldn’t help but give him another hug, squeezing him tightly as she once again told him just how happy she was before the conversation shifted toward dinner and the brothers decided to stay and help get things ready. As Chris was pulling out the plates, his gaze drifted down to the ring box that was sitting open on the counter and felt the conversation happening around him seem to drift away. He picked up the box and looked at that sparkling ring, imagining what it would look like on Nat’s hand and almost finding it unbelievable that at the beginning of the previous year he hadn’t even met her, but now here he was ready to place this on her hand with the promise of forever. 

He loved her so much it almost hurt and even as insecure and indecisive as he could be, this was one decision that didn’t leave any doubts in his mind other than the timing. With his schedule being full with two more movies and Nat being in San Francisco for her job, he didn’t know the next time that they’d get any extended amount of time together and although it left him at a loss on how to fully support her while he wasn’t there, he had come to see through their breakup that none of it mattered. Sure, it was a hurdle they’d need to figure out how to cross, but all that mattered is that he had Nat in his life and he wanted her forever. Chris knew that this was the best thing that could ever happen to him, but what he didn’t know is that while he stood here full of joy and peace, the woman he loved was across the country feeling desperately trapped in the new job and life she had chosen and felt more stuck that she ever had in her life. 

Nat shut the creaking door behind her and locked the deadbolt, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the door as she felt her muscles tense. She looked around her dark apartment, feeling… indifferent to everything. Coming home had always been something sacred to her, her escape, her happy place, where she hosted friends, family, game nights, and movie nights. But here… she’d hole up for days over a weekend without having anyone here who would reach out to say, “Hey! Haven’t seen you this weekend, want to grab brunch tomorrow?”, only to hear a ping alerting her to new emails. It was no longer a place of refuge to her, instead, it felt like a place where she couldn’t take a deep breath, where she could never relax, where no one would come looking, or even stop by. She was completely alone here in this silent apartment, but the one bright spot that had gotten her through so many days was knowing that in one day, her apartment would be occupied by the heart-of-gold man that she loved so dearly. His laughter would fill the tiny space, his hands would rub her aching back, and his presence would fill the void in her heart that had been hurting so badly. 

When her phone started ringing, she pulled it out and saw his name on her screen, bringing out the first genuine smile in a long time as she held it up to her ear and greeted him with a hello that sounded a lot less enthusiastic than she intended but just couldn’t seem to muster anything more. 

“Hi honey, is this a good time?” He asked her, his voice filling her ear. 

She nodded, suppressing the sigh that caught in her throat. “Yeah I’m just walking through my door,” she told him, hanging her bag on the hook by the door as she kicked her shoes off. 

Nat heard him huff out a breath, his voice quiet as he pointed out, “Nattie, it’s almost eight there.” 

She shook her head, frowning at his concern. She knew it was well placed, it always was. They cared about each other to be making those jabs at the other, but it didn’t mean her shoulders relaxed a little at every concerned comment he made. If anything, it made her feel a little worse. “I know, it just was a busy day,” she explained, her voice quiet as she turned on the lights and stepped further into the apartment. 

“Will you promise me that you’ll have some dinner?” 

“I promise I will,” she told him, glancing towards the shoebox of a kitchen before she headed into the living room, sitting down on the couch with a sigh. “I actually am a little surprised to hear from you. I figured you’d be asleep with you flying out here tomorrow.” 

“That’s actually what I wanted to call you about,” he began, pausing as he sighed. Nat froze, listening as he finally asked, “Nattie, would it disappoint you if I didn’t come out to San Francisco?” 

Her brows furrowed and her hand reached, plucking a few threads from the worn blanket on the couch as she fidgeted anxiously. “Is everything okay?” She asked worriedly, unsure if something had happened 

“Yeah, yeah it’s fine, I’m just so exhausted,” he admitted and Nat could have been able to know that without his admission. The weariness in his voice was evident even if she hadn’t known how packed his schedule had been but kept listening as he sighed, “I feel like I’ve just been going non-stop for the past couple months and then with heading into doing two more movies this year, I just feel really overwhelmed. I just want some time to decompress.” 

“Of course I’m sad not to see you but that’s fine Chris, I want you to take care of yourself,” Nat told him truthfully. In reality, hearing those words felt like a punch in the gut or as if all the air from her lungs had just been taken away. Having him come out to see her had been the one saving grace through all of this. She knew that if she could just make it to when she’d get to have his arms around her again, then maybe she could do this. Maybe that would help center her again, but in an instant that had been stolen away. 

But she couldn’t tell him that. She couldn’t burden him with the knowledge of how much she was struggling while he was so burnt out and had to recharge before being thrown into filming again. Besides, he had warned her. He was the one who told her that this job wasn't for her and that it didn’t seem like the right move for her and he had been right. Nat just couldn’t let anyone, especially herself, know how much this job was taking a toll on her. It was just a job and the fact that she couldn’t seem to handle it only made her feel like even more of a failure than ever. 

“I hope you know how much I want to see you and it has nothing to do with that,” Chris went on to assure her, but it brought little healing to her heart because all she could feel was that she was alone yet again. “I also figured that when I’m there during the week I don’t get to see you much anyway and thought that maybe you could come out for a weekend if you have time or I could come out there before Atlanta.” 

“I’m not sure yet what my schedule is but we’ll figure something out. I want you to just decompress,” she rushed to tell him, trying hard to cover up the tears and heavy emotion in her voice. 

“Are you sure, Nat?” 

Nat just took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice before responding with, “I am, I want you to rest. I know how important it is to you to be able to be away from everything in Boston.” 

“Thanks for understanding, baby. I love you so much and I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” 

Nat pushed out a quick “I love you too” before hearing the line hang up. She couldn’t even pull the phone away from her ear before silent tears started spilling out of her eyes. With a shaky finger she clicked the red button before trudging over to the couch where she laid down and grabbed a pillow, clutching it to her chest as the tears just wouldn’t stop pouring down her face. 

Nat was so proud of Chris. She was so proud of all he’d done this year, pushing himself with the films he was doing and going through the press tours he hated so much while traveling the world in a whirlwind. She was so happy that he could recognize when he needed a break, and just decompress. She was so glad that he had a place to do that, where he had a home to just be himself and relax but right now she just hated it so much that the home wasn’t with her. 

Using the sleeve of her sweatshirt, she furiously wiped at her eyes and sat up. Nat tried so hard to just pull it together, but the moment her eyes glanced out the window of her apartment and she saw the almost tauntingly beautiful view of San Francisco, heavy sobs started pouring out of hers as those tears that she had just wiped away were quickly replaced. Just one look at that view reminded her that she was here in the city by the bay, completely and utterly alone. 

She had always loved her job, working as an animator was truly a dream come true. Nat was just a normal girl who had been given an incredible gift by having a father who believed in her, sending her to art school to follow her dreams but it felt like somehow her real dream, the real longing of her heart had slipped through her fingers. Nat had been so happy working at Disney, settling into a life in California over the past decade and having an incredible group of friends, including Mark and Jamie who had become more like family to her. 

But COVID had changed everything for her. In that time frame, her engagement to Shane had ended, Nat had become so much more self assured and knew who she was, but after being able to spend months at home with her family, she had moved back to California with a loneliness in her heart and a longing for something more. For the first time in her life she had seen how much she wanted more than her job. She wanted her own family and to be able to love someone and have them love her in return. 

And then Chris came into her life. 

So much had changed since he’d made his unexpected entrance in her life and Nat had found out so many more things about herself and what she wanted. He helped her to rest in who she was and embrace what it was that made her… well, her. He was her best friend and gave her peace in a way that she couldn’t quite explain. But there was still a part of her that let those little voices into the back of her head, remembering the looks she’d gotten from people when she was younger and said her dream was to be an artist. She remembered the jokes so many made when they asked what she was going to do for a ‘real job’ and the sting of that in her formative years still was underneath the surface. 

Nat’s fingers were clutching tight on that pillow as she thought back to her dad dropping her off at art school as he hugged her tightly and told her how proud of her he was and that he knew she’d do great things. Ever since then all she had wanted to do was prove him right, to show everyone she wasn’t just the overemotional chaotic artist little sister behind two intelligent successful older sisters who seemed to be able to do all the things she viewed herself incapable of. 

So here she was. Accepting this job that she thought would somehow prove something. That somehow would be the icing on the cake of ‘See? I can be a successful artist’ but all it had done was show her just how right Chris had been about all of this. This wasn’t what she wanted. She hated every bit of this job. She wanted so much more than this now. She wanted Chris. She wanted a family. She wanted to create for herself. But there was no turning back now. There was no way that she could go to her boss only a couple months after starting and basically say she wanted to be demoted, especially when her position back in Burbank had already been filled. Not to mention that she had taken a stand with this job and Chris, resulting in them temporarily breaking up. That felt like such a huge failure in her mind and that was something Nat simply just couldn’t take at the moment. 

So here she had been, putting her nose to the grindstone and putting in her hours, trying to get through the days with the light at the end of the tunnel being August. The month when she’d get her best friend back. When she’d finally get to feel his arms around her. When she’d finally not dread the weekends and spend them crying in bed but instead fill them with laughter and happiness with Chris. When she’d finally get to relax for the first time in weeks. Knowing that he was coming to her was like a lifeline, knowing that she just had to make it until then and then hopefully things would be better. But now it felt like that lifeline that was dangling just out of her reach was snatched away and she was left drowning. 

But there was no way she could ask him to come. It was just too selfish. She couldn’t possibly know just how packed his schedule had been and hear his weary voice saying how much he just needed to go home and then ask him to come be with her instead. So here she was. Sitting alone on this couch, tears streaming down her face as she felt completely alone and completely stuck. 

[autisticandroids]

genfic reclist

gen fics, for @spnficrecfest.

one problem here is i've put a lot of my favorite gen fic on these lists already, especially here. a lot of my very favorite gen fic is on that list, specifically.

in general, if you want to check out other gen fic i've recced, my tag for these lists is here.

in increasing order of wordcount:

reassignment by dotfic, 1k

victor becomes a hunter after jus in bello. a series of vignettes.

infinite white by etrix, 1k

an angel comes to victor.

for we live by faith, not by sight by myaimistrue, 1k

uriel and cas and anna watch a game of beach volleyball.

early days by firebirdie, 1k

post jus in bello, victor and jo start hunting together.

the will of faith by victoria hughes, 1k

cas and zachariah in lucifer rising.

witness by xaara, 1k

cas and uriel watch the plagues.

bildungsroman by kalliel (bobby re: dean as a teenager, in the aftermath of an incident) should be here, but @explainslowly already recced it. it's good stuff.

sanctuary by aini_nufire, 3k

cas is hurt, and bobby takes care of him. very whumpy.

blues rose road by xxcerezasxx, 5k

post jus in bello victor lives au. he becomes a hunter. i've been tearing through a bunch of old henriksen fic and winchesters v law enforcement fic, and i think this is maybe my favorite i've found. it's certainly one of them. the tone and vibes are just really perfect.

brother mine by diaryofageekgirl (uriel character study) should really be here, as it's one of the best gen fics i've had the pleasure of reading, but i already recced it here. don't hang your head for me by sorrel (lisa reflecting on dean during the missing year) should also be here, for the same reason, but i recced that one here. and again, the same thing with instrumental by slopeslippers (hannah finding a lobotomy needle after the s9 civil war). but that one is here.

growing pains by mme_yersinia, 10k

jack's wings are growing in and cas frets over him.

we all fall down (ashes ashes) by insanetrolllogic, 16k, chose not to warn

post swan song au. everyone dean cares about is dead. dean finds a kid. the kid is cas, fallen anna-style.

[thislovintime]

Photo by Michael Ventura.

“Tork laughed in the easy, carefree way which seems to be so characteristic. ‘It’s amazing how thrilling life has gotten how that I’ve learned how to live it,’ he said. ‘There are two kinds of pains — the pain from growing up and the pain from refusing to grow at all.’” - article by Lisa Stenza, Connecticut Daily Campus, February 26, 1982 “There are two kinds of pain. One is the pain of growing up. The other is the pain of refusing to do so. To my mind, the first is better because although it’s infinitely more difficult to deal with, at least it changes. It [pauses] somehow gets better.” - Peter, The Gazette, May 27, 1982

[autumnmobile12]

About the Infant Skull in the Belmont Hold

Trigger Warning: Sensitive topics below.

In a post I made last year, I pointed out the small skull in this display is case belongs to a baby.

The 'crack' down the center of the forehead is a frontal suture which closes between the ages of three to nine months, and to showcase the fact it's not just a cracked bone, the animators included a fontanelle between the bony plates of the skull, which closes before the age of two.

There is the skull of an infant in the Belmont Hold.

So what's the story here?

Theory 1: The Skull is a Vampire

This could have been a human baby that was turned by a vampire for whatever reason. Maybe this was some vampire's twisted idea of a pet. Maybe it was a horrifying, psychological trauma where a human woman lost her baby and after becoming a vampire, turned an infant into a vampire so as to never experience that pain again whilst tragically blind to the fact an immortal infant would never grow up.

If either of these were the case, whichever Belmont found this child could have viewed his or her death as a mercy. Since the baby would be immortal, it would be impractical to keep it alive forever, not to mention almost cruel because what kind of life is that? And it would be equally inhumane to leave the vampire to starve to death, so the options are limited.

The skull was brought home not as a trophy but as a specimen to study and serve as a grim reminder of a harsh reality.

...

Theory 2: The Skull is a Dhampir

Carmilla's above comment gives me the vague impression that it's not unheard of for a vampire to have a child with a human and then turn the human into a vampire, creating a family unit. (Just the way she says it. Like the unspoken line was, "You married a human, you succeeded in getting a child off her, so she was free to become a vampire after, no?" Turning Lisa after Adrian was born was the next natural step in her mind, so it baffles Carmilla why Dracula's wife remained human.) So maybe dhampirs are uncommon, but Alucard is far from the first one to ever exist.

So if the skull belonged to a dhampir like Alucard, this opens up another set of possibilities, but before I go into those, I want to address the Belmont Clan's potential view towards vampires and human-vampire hybrids. It's not clear if Alucard needs human blood to survive. He eats human food, but so do the vampires. Lenore comments they get their essential nutrients from blood, but whether or not this also pertains to dhampirs is up for debate. In the Gresit Underground Keep scene, it does look like he had some form of blood transfusion system possibly sustaining him, but this could arguably be a life and death situation. As in, he doesn't need blood to survive, but it can also save his life if need be.

There's also the possibility the blood-drinking is not the same across the board. (Say Alucard doesn't need blood to survive, but another dhampir was saddled with the shitty genetics that make blood a requirement.)

For the Belmonts, I can see dhampirs being a controversial subject. From Leon to Trevor's time, there are four centuries and countless individuals with their own set of similar but unique values and opinions, so it would be understandable for various Belmonts to have points of contention as well as shifts in viewpoint down the generations as new information about the enemy comes to light. Some members might have the stance of, "Dhampirs do not need blood to survive, are not a threat to humanity, and therefore it is unnecessary to hunt and kill them," while others may have taken the more extreme stance of, "Dhampirs are unnatural creatures that do not belong in this world any more than vampires do." Without the precedent of Alucard and Trevor having a common enemy, there would be nothing to sway the entire family one way or the other.

So if this is the case, the skull could have come from a vampire family similar to Dracula, Lisa, and Alucard's, and that family could have been discovered by a Belmont who made the decision to eradicate the them, including the dhampir for whichever reason:

The existence of dhampirs hadn't been discovered/confirmed yet, so the infant was assumed to be a vampire and it was viewed as a mercy killing out of ignorance. (Remember, Trevor thought Alucard was a vampire when they first met, so there is no visual difference between the two species.)

Dhampirs are assumed by the Belmonts to need blood to survive and are therefore a predator to humans that needs to be put down, again out of ignorance or just plain malice.

This particular Belmont was a heartless psychopath who had no qualms killing an innocent baby just for existing.

...

Theory 3: It's a Dhampir and the Belmonts Have a Really Fucked Up History With Dhampirs

There is also the possibility the mother of the dhampir child was a human woman that was raped and impregnated by a vampire. (Surviving somehow...?) In this scenario, there is a woman terrified by the idea she is about to birth a monster and goes to the local vampire experts for help. The Belmonts take her in until she delivers this unwanted child and the fate of the baby dhampir is entirely in their hands, which brings us back to the mentioned controversy among the family members.

If the mother abandons her 'monster' child, the Belmonts are left which the choice, "Do we kill it before it grows up to kill someone or do we give it a chance and let it live?"

Another possibility is the dhampir was brought up within the household for the purposes of 'studying' or 'rehabilitating' its nature. Say the family discovers dhampirs don't need to subsist on human blood and are relieved. "Wonderful. Dhampirs can live as humans and there is no need to kill them." The dhampir grows up happily among his or her adopted human family.

But then there is a tragic accident where he or she doesn't know their own strength and fatally harms a family member. The Belmonts then make the decision: Lock them up or execute them as a monster.

Based on this precedent, the family then closes off the idea that dhampirs can live as normal humans forever and they subsequently commit infanticide against any future dhampir children that cross their path, a blanket decision based entirely on a one-time misfortune.

Theory 4: The Belmonts Were Not the Cause

This again calls into question how dhampir physiology works, but maybe the infant died of an illness of failure to thrive. Alucard is strong and healthy, but that may not be same for other dhampirs, especially ones that may have been rejected as a 'freak' by both humans and vampires. He had the advantage of having a loving family and a safe environment in which to grow up. Other dhampirs might not have had the same good fortune and their health suffered for it. (Or they got dealt a bad hand in the gene pool.)

As for how the skull wound up in the Hold, it could have been one of the 'weird stuff' the Belmonts found and brought back home with them.

This could also apply to a situation where a vampire killed a rival family and kept their skulls as trophies, and the collection simply wound up in the Belmonts' treasury after destroying said vampire.

"It's like a museum dedicated to the extermination of my people, so no. Not thrilled."

Whatever the truth of the skull, I'm inclined to believe Theories 2 or 3 because this scene struck me as a very subtle nod to how no side in a war is completely innocent. On the one hand, vampires like Carmilla, Cho, Godbrand, etc. hunt and toy with humans for sport and view them as lesser beings, and so the Belmonts seeking to eliminate them would be an understandable measure to protect humanity.

On the other hand, the presence of the infant skull indicates a tragic and bloody history of poor choices, old prejudices, potential atrocities committed by the 'heroes,’ and generational trauma. A past history even Trevor isn't particularly proud of for all the pride he has in his lineage. It really showcases the line between man and monster and aligns with the recurrent theme of 'we can be better than this' that occurs throughout the series.

But let me know if you've got any theories/headcanons different from what I have listed above. I'd love to hear it. Crediting Theory 4 to @thetvpenigma. Thanks for your help!

[cool-fancier]

A Broken Cycle

Synopsis: A chance encounter with Lisa reshapes your world, but secrets and betrayals threaten to tear it apart. Can love conquer all?

Word Count:2k

You can’t forget the day it all started. It was a lazy summer afternoon when Jennie brought her best friend Lisa over to your house for the first time. Jennie, only a year older than you, had always been the popular, outgoing one. You were more reserved, the quiet shadow trailing behind your sister. That day, you met Lisa, and everything changed.

Lisa was magnetic. Even at that young age, she had a certain charm that drew people to her. Her laughter was infectious, her smile captivating. You were twelve, she and Jennie were thirteen, and you were smitten. For years, you watched her from the sidelines, your heart quietly aching with unrequited feelings.

But things took a turn one fateful night. It was the night of Jennie’s fourteenth birthday party, and you were feeling particularly bold, fueled by the naive courage of adolescence. You decided to confess your feelings to Lisa, believing that perhaps, just maybe, she felt the same way.

You found her alone in the garden, the moon casting a soft glow on her face. Your heart pounded in your chest as you approached her.

“Lisa,” you began, your voice trembling. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

She turned to you, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. “Sure, what’s up?”

Taking a deep breath, you poured out your heart. You told her how you’d felt for the past couple of years, how much you admired her, and how you couldn’t keep your feelings to yourself any longer.

Lisa listened quietly, but as you finished, her expression shifted. The curiosity was replaced by something else—pity, perhaps, or maybe discomfort.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “But I don’t feel the same way.”

You felt your heart shatter, but you managed to nod, forcing a smile. “It’s okay. I just… needed to tell you.”

But it wasn’t just a simple rejection. That night, everything changed. Lisa began to distance herself, and Jennie, who had always been your confidant, became more critical and impatient with you. You felt like you were losing both of them, and the pain was unbearable.

Years passed, and the distance between you grew. Jennie and Lisa became inseparable, while you were left on the outside, watching from afar. Lisa went from being your unrequited crush to your enemy, and Jennie’s growing irritation with you only made things worse.

— — — — —

When you turned eighteen, you decided to move away for college, hoping to start fresh and escape the ghosts of your past. You chose a school far from home, eager to put distance between yourself and the painful memories.

College was a breath of fresh air. You made new friends, found new interests, and slowly began to heal. You thought you had left everything behind—until the summer of your junior year, when you returned home for a visit.

Jennie had invited Lisa over, and seeing her again brought back a flood of emotions. She had grown even more beautiful, her confidence more radiant than ever. Despite everything, your heart still ached for her.

One evening, after Jennie had gone to bed, Lisa and you found yourselves alone in the kitchen. You hadn’t spoken much since that fateful night years ago, but something in the air felt different.

“Can we talk?” she asked, breaking the silence.

You nodded, your heart racing. You sat down at the kitchen table, the awkwardness palpable.

“I’ve been thinking about the past,” she began, her voice soft. “And I realized I owe you an apology.”

You looked at her, surprised. “For what?”

“For how I treated you,” she said, her eyes filled with regret. “I was young and stupid, and I didn’t know how to handle things. I hurt you, and I’m sorry.”

You felt a lump in your throat, but you managed to nod. “It’s okay. We were kids.”

“No, it’s not okay,” she insisted. “I should have been kinder. I should have been a friend.”

There was a vulnerability in her eyes that you hadn’t seen before. You talked for hours, rehashing the past, sharing your regrets, and slowly, the walls between you began to crumble.

— — — — —

Over the next few weeks, you spent more time together. You laughed, shared stories, and found common ground. The tension that had defined your relationship for so long began to dissipate, replaced by something new—something fragile and hopeful.

One night, as you sat on the porch, watching the stars, Lisa turned to you, her eyes shining with a mix of fear and determination.

“I know I don’t deserve it,” she said, her voice trembling. “But can you give me a second chance?”

Your heart skipped a beat. You had never truly stopped loving her, despite everything. And seeing her like this, vulnerable and sincere, you couldn’t say no.

“Okay,” you said softly. “But let’s take it slow.”

She smiled, relief washing over her face. “Thank you.”

You started anew, this time with open hearts and cautious steps. It was awkward at first, navigating the remnants of your past, but you were determined to make it work. You kept your relationship a secret, not wanting to stir up old wounds or cause any unnecessary drama, especially with Jennie.

For a while, things were perfect. You spent every moment you could together, cherishing the time you had. You would sneak out late at night, holding hands under the stars, sharing whispered confessions and stolen kisses.

One evening, as you sat by the lake, Lisa turned to you, her eyes filled with a mixture of hope and fear.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,” she admitted. “I’m scared, but I’m also so incredibly happy.”

You squeezed her hand, your heart swelling with emotion. “Me too. But we’ll take it one day at a time, okay?”

She nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. “Okay.”

— — — — —

Your secret romance continued to blossom, and for the first time in years, you felt truly happy. But the shadow of your past loomed over you, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was bound to go wrong.

Jennie, who had always been so perceptive, began to notice the change in your demeanor. One day, she confronted you, her eyes filled with concern.

“You’ve been acting strange lately,” she said. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

You hesitated, unsure of how to respond. You didn’t want to lie to her, but you also didn’t want to risk losing everything you had built with Lisa.

“It’s nothing,” you said finally. “Just some stuff I’m dealing with.”

Jennie didn’t seem convinced, but she didn’t press further. However, her suspicion only grew, and it wasn’t long before she discovered the truth.

One evening, she walked in on Lisa and you, your hands intertwined as you sat on the porch. The look of betrayal on her face was like a knife to your heart.

“What the hell is going on here?” she demanded, her voice shaking with anger.

You tried to explain, but the words caught in your throat. Lisa stepped forward, her expression earnest.

“Jennie, please, let me explain,” she pleaded. “It’s not what you think.”

But Jennie was too hurt to listen. “How could you do this? Both of you?”

The rift between you grew, and you found yourself caught between your sister and the woman you loved. The guilt and heartache were almost too much to bear, but you couldn’t let go of Lisa.

For a while, it seemed like things might work out. Jennie, though still hurt, began to soften, and you hoped that in time, you could all find a way to heal. But fate had other plans.

— — — — —

One evening, as Lisa and you were walking through the park, you ran into some of her old friends. They were surprised to see you together, and it wasn’t long before rumors started to spread. The whispers reached Jennie, and she confronted you once more.

“This is why you wanted to keep it a secret, isn’t it?” she accused. “You knew people would talk.”

You tried to reason with her, but she was too angry to listen. The strain took its toll on your relationship, and you could see the fear and doubt in Lisa’s eyes.

One night, as you lay in bed, she turned to you, her voice barely a whisper. “Maybe this was a mistake.”

Your heart sank. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe we’re just fooling ourselves,” she said, tears streaming down her face. “Maybe we’re not meant to be together.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. “Lisa, don’t say that. We can make this work. We just need time.”

But the doubt had taken root, and you could see it growing stronger with each passing day. You tried to hold on, but the pressure was too much. Your once-perfect love began to crumble, and you felt it slipping through your fingers.

The final blow came one stormy night. You had been fighting more and more, the tension between you reaching a breaking point. Lisa had been distant, and you knew something was wrong.

“Look at me in the eyes,” she said, her voice trembling with emotion. “Tell me you never loved me. Tell me that I meant nothing to you. Tell me that this was all a lie.”

You couldn’t bear to see the pain in her eyes, but you also couldn’t lie to her. “I can’t do that,” you said softly. “Because it’s not true.”

She shook her head, tears falling freely. “Then why does it hurt so much?”

You reached out to her, but she pulled away. “Lisa, please, we can fix this.”

But she shook her head, her gaze haunted. "I don't know if I can do this anymore. It hurts too much."

Your heart shattered into a million pieces as the realization washed over you. This was it—the end of you. You had lost her once before, and now, it seemed, history was repeating itself.

As Lisa left that night, the weight of her absence settled around you like a suffocating blanket. You lay in bed, unable to sleep, your mind replaying your shared moments—both the blissful ones and the ones stained with heartache.

— — — — —

The next morning dawned gray and heavy, the storm clouds still lingering overhead. You dragged yourself out of bed, your limbs heavy with grief, and made your way downstairs. Jennie was already in the kitchen, a somber expression on her face as she sipped her coffee.

"Hey," you said quietly, taking a seat across from her.

She looked up, her eyes red-rimmed from lack of sleep. "Hey."

There was a heavy silence between you, filled with unspoken words and buried emotions. You knew you had to address the elephant in the room—the rift that had formed between you because of Lisa.

"I'm sorry," Jennie said suddenly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I was just... I was hurt, you know? Hurt that you never told me about you and Lisa."

Her words hit you like a punch to the gut. You had never intended to hurt her, but in your desperation to keep your relationship a secret, you had inadvertently pushed her away.

"I'm sorry too," you said, your voice thick with emotion. "I never meant to shut you out. I was just... scared, I guess. Scared of what you would think, of how you would react."

Jennie nodded, her expression softening. "I get it. I do. But you're my little sister, and I just... I want us to be close again. I miss that."

Tears pricked at your eyes as memories of your childhood flooded back—the days spent playing in the backyard, the late-night conversations whispered beneath the covers, the bond that had once been unbreakable.

"I miss it too," you admitted, your voice barely a whisper. "I miss us."

There was a long, heavy pause as you sat there, the weight of your shared pain hanging in the air. And then, without warning, Jennie reached across the table and took your hand in hers.

"I don't want to lose you," she said softly. "Not again."

You squeezed her hand tightly, feeling the warmth of her touch seep into your bones. "You won't," you promised. "I'm here, Jennie. I'm not going anywhere."

And in that moment, as the storm raged on outside, you knew that no matter what happened with Lisa, you had your sister by your side—a beacon of light in the darkness, guiding you through the storm.

[808trunkgoingcrazy]

i will never, truly never, understand people who shit on 127 and then stan dream.

babe theyre literally in the same group. markhyuck are in both groups how are you treating minhyung and donghyuck from dream differently than mark and haechan from ilichil??

also the blatant shitting on mark's solo (apart from child) and 127's songs and BAGGY JEANS??? i genuinely saw someone on my dash talking about how they didn't like baggy jeans because it's a meaningless song and that most of mark's solos (golden hour, 200) are about females and sex.

like... he's a 25 year old, he's a guy, he's straight and he wrote those solos himself. it's like they expect him to write every song like child, about growing up and yearning and pain—man, other emotions exist.

baggy jeans hate is so forced. 127 music hate is so forced. especially by dreamzens because be so fr. the concepts, first of all, are wildly different.

127 for the longest time tend to go for noise music (they do have slow/romantic/r&b b-sides but they're mostly well known for the noise music) how are you going to be hating on that. i mean i get sticker, but fact check?? walk?? 2 baddies?? (talking about recent ones assuming op likes the older bangers)

it's so clear that op likes a certain type of music and it's valid but talking about how you'll unstan if mark/127 continue making this music is wild. they also don't like the fact that some of dream's songs are about girls but dude, they're 20 something guys, who are (as far as we know) straight AND they don't write their own music AND they have a large female fanbase.

they had the same opinion about rains in heaven which ?? is ?? kinda ?? off ?? rains in heaven literally goes on about "i love you as you are"

man fanwars piss me off in general as a multistan but internal fanwars (127zens, dreamzens, weishennies) used to be funny, now they're irritating as hell. they're as bad as akgaes. like why are solo lisa stans fighting w solo jennie fans? they're LITERALLY bsfs. ugh.

i had something more to say about streaming culture but i have class now

[gallusrostromegalus]

Any plans for Kensei and his 69 protege Hissgi. Hated how they were like this guy inspired a background character so cool that we gave him his own light novel series but he's gonna release his very cool looking bannaí twice and you don't get to see either fight implying he lost offscreen

…No one told Kaname about their "69" tattoos.

The issue was not that anyone was trying to keep them secret. The issue is that nobody knew Kaname didn't know.

Why would he? It's not like they come up in conversation- Shuuhei's in particular is as plain as the nose on his face (kind of literally), so nobody mentions it, like people don't typically comment on someone's hair color in conversation that often. It's at the first post-Aizen moon-viewing party in Shunsui's back garden that the subject finally comes up.

Shunsui's Moon-Viewing parties are appropriately named in the sense that most of the partygoers do end up looking at the moon- often after becoming so intoxicated that they fall over in the garden and decide to stay down in the grass and admire the celestial bodies. Before that phase of the evening, things can get rowdy. While some of the party members are listening to Shunsui and Shinji grow more frustrated as they attempt to explain the Transit Of Venus to Rose and Love, who are having difficulty with the difference between orbits and rotataions, let alone axial tilt, others are laying bets with Ukitake over the Kenpachi-Vs-Everyone-Arm-Wrestling-Tournament.

"YAUGH!" Kensei shouted as his knuckles crack against the edge of the table as Kenpachi claims another Flawless Victory. "MOTHER FUCKER!!" he shouts, squeezing his hand and reddening knuckles. Lisa pokes Kensei in the back of the head as Ukitake balances out the wagers and takes his generous bookie's fee. "Why are you being a weenie, your tattoo had to hurt more!" She teases. Kaname speaks up from where he has been quietly lounging in Sajin's lap and asks "-You have a Tattoo?"

"YEAH!" says Kensei, immediately forgetting his pain at the delight because he gets to tell someone about the tattoo again. "I got it the night I became captain, to commemorate my service in the sixth and ninth divisions!"

"-And after Captain Kensei saved me and my class from a mass hollow attack, I decided that was the kind of fearless Shinigami I wanted to be, and dedicated myself to that path with a matching one!" adds Shuuhei.

He and Kensei high-five while Kaname squints suspiciously.

"…What does this commemoration and dedication look like?" he asks, a little too casually.

"I got the numbers 6 and 9 tattooed over my manipura chakra, because that service is the source of my strength!" Kensei explains.

"-and I got the same pair on my face, so I see it every time I look at myself, to remind me of my commitment!" added Shuuhei.

Kaname twitches. "You mean to tell me you both have been walking around with tattoos of the number 69 in prominently visible locations this whole time?"

"Yeah!" Said Kensei.

"…Kensei-san. Did someone suggest this design to you?" He asks, gripping Koumori's hilt.

"Yoruichi-san did!" Kensei says, too thrilled with the joy of sharing this story to notice Kaname's darkening aura.

--- In the human world, Yoruichi's teacup splits in half.

"Aw. Fuck." She sighs.

---

Kaname sighs. Perhaps it's not as bad as it seems. "You gentlemen are aware that there's a slang meaning associated- stop trying to shush me Jushiro- there's a slang meaning associated with the number?"

"There is?" Shuuhei asks, genuinely oblivious.

--- The teapot cracks into perfect sixths.

"What did you DO?" hisses Urahara. ---

"The term 'Sixty-Nining' colloquially refers to the act of mutual oral sex between partners." Kaname says flatly, Sajin halfway to grabbing his face to muffle him before remembering that Kaname is absolutely not above biting him when annoyed, and he's well past annoyed now.

There is a moment of silence at the moon-viewing party.

"-This is not an obscure bit of slang either, I'm not sure how either of you have managed to maintain total ignorance of it." Kaname frowns in the general direction of Ukitake and Shunsui, who absolutely should have shared this Fun Fact earlier.

Kensei and Shuuhei continue to ponder this revelation in shocked silence.

"Is that why people keep offering to give me blowjobs?" Shuuhei finally breaks the silence.

"Oh! because the numbers each kind of look like a mouth and a dick!" Kensei realizes in a flash of insight several centuries overdue.

"NICE!" they agree, and high-five again.

"I'm quitting." Kaname groans, despairing.

"You can't quit." declares Yamamoto from the lawn, where he has gone directly to the Moon-viewing phase of the party. "If you quit, I have to promote someone, and that means we have to have a Captain's Meeting. You remember the rule: no more than one Captain's meeting per decade."

"Ah. Yes. There has already been enough violence." Kaname nodded, recalling the destruction that followed every captain's meeting he'd ever attended. "What do you propose then, Sir?"

"Get another bottle and come join me. The moon is beautiful tonight." he waved.

"...I'll take your word for it." Kaname sighed.

[iloveaustinelvisandmannymore]

From the start.

Pairing: Austin Butler x reader

Summary: Austin was excited to go to the Oscars and possibly win a reward still a part of him felt saddened by Lisa Marie's absence, sure Kaia there helped but when he saw you, it was like an angel sent by Lisa found him and he promises himself he wouldn't let you slip away, and he doesn't care who he has to hurt to get you.

Warnings: mention of Lisa Marie's death, Kidnapping, Friends to lovers? Housewife kink, Toy Dildo, Vaginal Plug, Creampies, Fingering, Oral (Fem & Male), Dirty talk, Double penetration, Stockholm syndrome, Infidelity, Starvation, Knife kink, Yandere/Dark Austin, Forced Marriage, Pillow talk, Mention of murder, Filming, Spiked drink.

A/n: this was requested by @presleybbg and her beautiful ideas.

All that Austin could remember was how much pain he was in, he felt like it was too soon to pretend everything was fine like he wasn't mourning. Lisa was like a second mother to him and like his real mother, she was gone too soon. He was getting ready for the Oscars, fixing his bow tie in the mirror and running his fingers through his hair "You sure you don't want me to come?" Kaia spoke up after watching him for a second, her voice filled with a little worried "I have to do this alone." he replied, "I got to go, see you soon." He kisses his girlfriend before leaving, he wanted to just get this over with.

After running the red carpet, he began the search for his seat. He sighed, walking around the small area where his seat would be but he was starting to think the person who told him where it was supposed to be was simply right, 'great' he groaned about to make his way back when a voice stopped.

He looked over his shoulder and his heart skipped a beat or two.

A woman waved eagerly to him with a smile "Over here!" she called and Austin follow her voice like a lost puppy "T-Thank you" he stuttered as he now stood in front of her "Your welcome." you smiled and walked past him just a little before he stopped you "let me thank you more? How bout some coffee or something?" he asked, pulling his hands in his pockets, trying to seem put together though everything wasn't, you looked him up and down, it wouldn't be bad right? And to be honest, it would be cool to have a rising new star as a friend "Okay, I'd like that Mr. Butler." you answered reaching your hand out for his phone "Here let me put my number in." Almost without absolute hesitation, he gave you his phone and you typed your number into his contacts "I'll see you around" you smiled "Good luck!" you called before disappearing into the crowd. All feelings of warmth are gone with you and the coldness that was there before returning, Austin still had a smile on, one that looked so real, he wasn't an amazing actor for nothing after all, the night proved to be long and fruitless. Sure Austin was happy for his fellow actor, but the only good thing that happened was he met his true soulmate, he eat with his girlfriend and her family that night, texting you under the table if you wanted to meet up tomorrow, smile growing bigger once you said yes.

Shortly after that coffee 'date' you and Austin became friends fast, dodging paparazzi like the Matrix, tonight you were gonna visit one of your favorite nightclubs, you weren't much of a party girl but it was fun to let loose, and besides Austin has been quite busy, he deserved a break. You decided on a thigh-length dress, the top of the dress was off-shoulder and a sequin silver, the skirt was a plain black, almost leather-looking material and you paired it off with sliver-colored heels with red bottoms, you did some light makeup and went in your way. The club bosted music, flashing lights, and grinding, sweaty bodies took up the space, your eyes searched for Austin, once your glaze glanced at the bar, there he was, shooting down what seems to be whisky, he leaned against said bar, he a green almost see through blouse that was unbuttoned down to the third button showing off his firm chest and a little of his torso, the shirt tucked in black jeans addressed his slim waist, rings and a sliver chain jeweled his body, to finish his look was dark green leather boots that looked more black in the light of the darkroom. As you checked out the handsome man, your tongue licked your lips without realizing it, and thoughts of how he would sound moaning, telling how good your lips felt around his cock stopped as his eyes looked up and met yours with a smile. He waved you over and turned to the bartender, holding two fingers to him before he looked back at you.

"Precious." he greeted, when you finally reached him, his raspy, deep voice granted your ears, and heat built up in your core from his little nickname for you. "Hey Aus, how are you this night?" you asked and sat on the stool beside him, grabbing the shot the bartender put in front of you, Austin looked away from your question before looking back at you with a sad haze, a frown on his enticing lips "Kaia and i..broke up." your eyes widen, you thought things were going good between the two "I'm sorry to hear that.." your heart ached for him "It's fine." he downed the shot of whisky, watching the people dancing showing off his capturing side profile. You didn't know if the alcohol in your system give you so much courage but you gently moved his head and kissed his plump lips, he didn't hesitate to lick your lips for access to your mouth, you did, and his tongue explored your mouth, battling your tongue with fervor. You pulled away and gripped his hand, rushing to the lady's restroom where you resumed the heated make out, your hands fumbled to unbuckle his belt, and once you slid it out of the hoops of his jeans, you hooked your fingers into his pants and underwear before dropping to your knees bring them down with you. His cock bounced against his stomach, it stood proud, long, and thick, the slit wept pre-cum so much it dripped on the tiles of the clean-smelling restroom, your lips engulfed his head, tongue swirling around the slit, tasting the not-so-bitter salt of his pre-come causing a delicious inhale from the man above, your month took inch upon inch until his member rested in your throat, your eyelashes flatter as you look into his blue orbs through them "Fucking damn!" he growled, his hands took hold of your head, he begins to thrust in and out of your throat, using it as his cocksleeve, fucking it like he would your slopping wet cunt, drool poured out your mouth, covering the base of his dick and his balls "Dirty girl, making such a mess on my cock." he grunted, your already wet underwear dripped your slick.

"Gonna cum, and you're gonna swallow isn't that right?" his voice deepened and looked down at you with a smirk. You nodded, moaning around his dick, body squirming in want and excitement, he cursed, head thrown back, his thrust quickened and with a deep groan, pushing his whole member back down your throat, pumping load after load, forcing you to swallow everything, You pulled back, breath heavy, and your saliva smeared across your chin "Let's get you cleaned up." Austin spoke softly as he helped you up, your knees shook for a bit before regaining their previous strength, he cleaned you up and bought you back to the party. Austin held onto your stumbling self to the door of your apartment, your keys already in his hand inserting them into the door knob but to his bewildered, the door shot open, and a man with 2000 hair, a band T-shirt, jeans, and a grey beanie. "Hey, you're Austin Bulter! I didn't believe my baby guess I was wrong, here let me help." the man's voice sounded like a teenager's voice but he was obviously 20 years old but was simply stuck in the 2000 style, "I'm Nathan by the way" 'Nathen' smiled and took you from Austin's arms, and lead you to the couch, Austin's nose wrinkled from the strong smell of weed on Nathen's breath and the room. Who was this man? Was he your boyfriend? This lame ass- bitch- ugly looking piece of shit was your boyfriend? No. No. He couldn't be. Austin held back a snarl as Nathen leaned down and kissed you this would do. Austin said a quick goodbye and derived home with white knuckles, he broke up with Kaia for you, and he didn't regret it of course, he spend the rest of the night thinking of what to do, getting no sleep. It was a few days when came up with a plan, it was wrong but he needed you, and you belonged to him you just don't know it yet, Austin slides into the open window, clad in black from head to toe, a backpack over his left shoulder, he looked back to the windows, oh precious girl didn't you know how dangerous that is? But don't worry it will change, he take good care of you and keep you safe.

Austin kneed down on your side of the bed you and your dick of a boyfriend slept in, he took a needle out of a safe plastic small bag, a fast-sleeping drug filled the glass medical needle, he gently pricked the side of your neck and pushed the drug into your veins.

"What the fuck!" Nathan screeched Austin simply looked at him with a smirk that spoke of danger.

Austin grunted as he carried you to his car, lay in his back seat, and then sat in the driver's seat he sighed, glancing at your sleeping form, he didn't want to get rid of your poor excuse ex-boyfriend, oh well it no use to get upset about spill blood. It took two-three months and a lot of patience, for you to fall for him, and five weeks to get you to trust him, he kept you well-fed, of course eating the food and drinking the water to show that it was okay, untampered with, after that was smooth sailing. Austin walked through the door of the house he shared with his love, the smell of clean products flowing around the enclosed air, leaving his shoes on the shoe rack, he followed the scent into the kitchen, and his cock stirred to life as he leaned against the kitchen's open door frame, you were simply wiping the stove down with an apron on, still lustful desires flow within him, just by you doing wife like duties, he had already made you his wife, with a friend's help you were married on a certificate, yet to have a wedding, he'll make that happen when the time was right. You had yelled and screamed at him once he revealed that certain knowledge to you, now though you were happy to be his wife. His fetching blue orbs stayed on your form like a man stoned by one of Medusa's glances, quietly he set the bag he brought on the island and walked behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, his white Tank top from his recent photo shoot against your back "Why, Hello there precious." Austin smiled untieing your apron," I missed you." you spoke softly, turning around in his arms and allowing him to completely take off your favorite apron "I missed you too." he gently pecked your lips "I bought something we can have fun with, wouldn't you like that?" he said backing away and showcase the black plastic bag that read Spencer's on the front, you looked from the bag to your husband, if your core wasn't burning a scorching desire it was now, Austin's eyes were like a raging storm out in the open ocean with want, a mischievous smirk tugged at his lip, a hard bulge strained against its jeaned cage, you felt your cheeks grow heated as you nodded eye trained on the black baggie. Austin turned around and laid the items on the wooden island, "Come here baby." he called you over, stepping aside.

Your breath stopped, there sat a dildo that was roughly the size of your husband's length in the colors of glittery pastel blue, pink, and green with a pattern of tie-dye, beside it was a vaginal Plug the base color was black and was covered in royal purple paint splashes, the end was jeweled with amethyst and lastly, lube. Your pussy clenched around nothing thoughts of just what Austin could have in mind made your underwear soaked. "Undress precious. Slowly" Austin ordered, voice deeper with wanton dominance, resting his forearm on the wooden surface, your heart beat faster and you shredded each piece of clothing, pants, panties, shirt, and then bra all while trailing your hands on your body, the last article of your clothes dropped to the floor, and your lips locked together, his fingers squeezed your throat, enough to make you breathless and his rings cooled your feverish skin, your tongues swirled and licked crudely, the burning sensation lack of air pulled you both away, you look at each other, lidded eyes and panting. Austin took this time to truly appreciate your body "So goddamn beautiful." he breathed, helping you onto the kitchen countertop behind you, his lips latched on your neck as two of his fingers enters and pumps into your cunt roughly, his thumb rubbing at your clit with vulgar, a loud moan punched out of you as he began to scissor your pussy, stretching you open.

The edge of absolute paradise was ripped away, and you whimpered looking to Austin with betrayal "Patience." he chuckled, grabbing the lube and the over the top of the dildo "Open." he rested the rubber cockhead on your lips, slowly you part your lips and the toy, slides into your wet, hot maw, the rubber tasted like artificial strawberry, your eyes flattered close, the weight of the dildo was alike to your husband. You bobbed and sucked on it like it was, muffed moans and sounds of Austin's fingers fucking your weeping cunny "You like this baby? Sucking on a fake dick while I bring you to heaven and back?" Austin spoke in a trance as he watched you blow the toy like his first blowjob from you, you nodded sucking harder, your hips buck and your legs shook as your climax busted out. Austin gently pulled the colorful toy out then poured a generous amount of lube on it and his own "Ready?" he asked as he moved you to the cold tiled floor "I'm ready." you assured breathlessly, he rushed to push his jean, underwear completely and ripped his tank top off throwing somewhere to be picked up, you tried to relax as the toy dick was slowly pushed in, and Austin thrusted a back arching thrust, every inch of him was inside, his balls rest on the curve of your ass. The stretch was a sting burn, once your tense body relaxed, pangs of blissed-out pleasure shot throughout your body, and you felt so full! "Go." you smile as you saw the conflict on his face, "Yess." he hissed as he plowed into your cunt, each thrust forced the toy to box against your cervix, his balls wet from the lube and your juices, a wet smacking noise mixed with your loud moans, whines and Austins grunts, moans, and growls.

Your body jerked up, causing Austin's cock and the fake dick to come out little by little, Austin growled in frustration and slide you back to him, throwing your legs over his shoulders and holding down your thighs, resting them on his torso. He resumed pounding, your eyes rolled back, it was all too much the fast strokes of your husband's member up against the roof of your pussy while the dildo mini-strokes the bottom, his cum heavy balls spanking your ass no doubt leaving bruises from his hard treatment. Your legs began to shake, your back arching off the floor and your pussy gushing out your release Austin followed a little later, both of you gasped and panted for air, bodies covered in sweat, exhaustion heavy in the bones, you were on the edge of passing out when both lengths was pulled out, your eyes shot open and a whimper left your pouting lips "Sensitive." you muttered "I know precious, I just got to put this in you and I'll run us a bath." Austin chuckled as he gently put the plug in "Gonna need a wheelchair." you replied, his laugh was all you heard before you submitted to unconsciousness.

A week has passed since Austin had gone to another state to film, this was the first time he's been away for so long. The life before you had met him stuck in your mind like a core memory, being able to just go out to shop for simple things like grocery shopping and necessities, go to the park, and eat out, to feel the wind around you and the sun on your skin without asking for permission and being denied. You loved him, truly but the want, the desire become too much, and he would be gone for another week, so you packed a bag and some money and wrote a last goodbye note before escaping into the night. You couldn't go back home, despite the kidnapped you it would break your heart if he was arrested so you moved to another state away from California, far away. You got back on your feet, tried and failed to date no matter who you were with they weren't Austin, there was one time a man, a nice man fucked into you, he felt good but not like him, it didn't help that in the middle you moaned Austin's name, loudly. You decided that you were gonna go to a club, and you sat watching the crowd have the time of their life while the bartender made your order drink, your heart sped up for a second a split second you thought you saw Austin but when you glanced back he was gone, you shake your head and took a gulp of your drink before rushing to the restroom. You were listing your mind, he couldn't have found you this quick! It's only been three weeks, your classed the marble sink and looked up in the mirror, suddenly everything looked blurry and your head felt light, the last thing you heard was ladies' restroom door opening and footsteps then it went black.

You groaned as you came too, your head still felt fuzzy but not too much "Wakey, wakey precious." A familiar voice taunted venom laced, your eyes quickly opened "Austin." you muttered softly, Austin looked as good as he always had, though the closer you looked at him, he slightly had bags under his eyes, likely from searching for you "You know I thought everything was okay, I was happy, you were happy—well seemed to be." he hissed, his cold blues glared at you "I loved you. Did you even love me?" he asked, he started strong but at the end, his voice weakened "Of course I do!!" you reassured frantically, what have you done? "IF YOU DID YOU WOULDN'T HAVE RUN AWAY!!!" he screamed angrily, causing you to flinch, Austin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, he got up and looked at you one last time before going. For two days you have been in the basement, without food or water, and yet you come to hate him, you missed more not that he was so close, you want to be in his arms, why did you leave? You had everything you could want, you perked out as you heard footsteps not before long Austin stood in front of you "Get up." he ordered, and you quickly obeyed "Fellow me." you followed him with your head down, was he gonna throw you? Was he done with you? Your heart ached at these thoughts, once you stepped out of the basement, the mouth-watering smell of food entered your nose "Go eat, I get you new clothes and run you a bath." he spoke, and in no time, you sat in down in the dining room and scarfed all the dish, drink all the water, you smiled, stomach full "it's ready" Austin said after finishing what he said he would do.

The warm water relaxed your tense muscles and the feeling of being completely clean, made you sigh with blissfulness, the clothes smell like roses and were soft against your skin, you were happy, and things almost seemed back to normal, almost.

Austin sat up against the backboard of the queen-sized mattress, his eyes boring into you, his phone and a knife on his bedside table "Strip and come here precious." he commanded, grabbing his phone, looking for something on it, you striped and hesitantly crawled on the bed stopping in front of him, slick already producing between your folds from the sheer dominance that radiant off your husband. He got off the bed and laid the phone beside the kitchen blade, he unbuckled his black belt, pushing his black jeans past his knees "Here's what's gonna happen, you are going to take what I give you and you're gonna like it, understand?" he pushed you to lay on the spot he was previously occupied, spread your legs and got in between them, his heavy member rest against your lips and clit "Answer." "Yes. I understand." Austin let out a pleased hum before grabbing his phone again and sliding right home inside of you, the stretch burned in the right way "Say hi to the camera." your eyes widen as his phone camera record your face and then shooting where you were one, he began to pound into you without remorse, his pubic bone smacked into your poor clit, the camera zoomed in recording, your cunt clenching hard on his cock almost slowing him down, growls and sexy huffs leave Austin no doubt enjoy your pussy, he fucked you as he missed it, the phone was suddenly was throw it to the side before grabbing the knife and held it to your neck, each jolt from his thrusting threatened to cut you, the feeling of the fear and danger of having such a dangerous woman that could hurt possibly end you filled you with excitement like a drug "Dose this turn my little wife on?" Austin chuckled darkly, moving the knife to your cheek, cutting a small line, a sharp hiss left you "Y-yes, so much!" you admitted, bucking your hips against his hips, Austin muttered a soft fuck and plowed you into the bed, pushing you both to the edge of pure paradise and bliss. You screamed as Austin stabbed the knife in the pillow beside your head, forcing an intense climax, Austin groaned as he pumped his cum into your weeping pussy.

"You. Are. Mine. Next, you try to leave I won't so nice." Austin pulled out of you and slammed the door on his way out, leaving you to your thoughts, his cum leaking out and the knife standing straight in the pillow. You sighed and closed your eyes, it would take some time for him to forgive you but you loved him, you need to show him that.

You sat up and walked through the door, planning on what would be done.

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