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rorywritesjunk · 11 months ago

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Let’s be one another’s present tense

Buggy ‘rescues’ you from an abusive situation, and after a less than stellar introduction, he has you audition for his crew to keep you safe. You want safety, security, and joining a circus seems like the best idea.

Rating: Soft NC-17 for this chapter. Warning: Sex happens but nothing graphic, hence it's soft. Someone gets upset, there's miscommunication, a fight, they resolve it. Communicate!! A/N: Richie makes an appearance. I love that cat. These two are working out the kinks (haha) of this part of their relationship now.

Title comes from “Crater Lake” by Lady Lamb

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7 + Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 (NC-17) + Chapter 10 + Chapter 11 + Chapter 12 + Chapter 13 + Chapter 14 + Chapter 15 (NC-17) + Chapter 16 (NC-17) + Chapter 17 TAGLIST: @lostfirefly @neuvilleteismybby @fluffybunnyu @sinning-23 @the-angriest-angel @ane5e @fanshavegottensotoxic @honey-deerling

Chapter 12

You did as much research as you could on aftercare, safe words, and other things you could do in bed. There were a few freaks you trusted to talk to with this, ones that took no issue with you sleeping with the captain, but mostly because you kept quiet about the times you caught them in various states of undress and other mischief throughout the tent so they happily answered any of your questions which you reported back to Buggy (without giving a source or how you gained such knowledge).

And Buggy, though still a little wary of the mere thought of you ever being in pain from him, had no problem with talking dirty with you. He already did it enough before, but now the stakes were higher. You loved it when he overstimulated you, talking about how he planned to absolutely wreck you while your favorite thing to do was edge him, telling him he needed to listen, to be a good boy if he was going to cum, and yea, it was a nice start.

He wanted to try something different now, about a month into this. It was in the middle of the day when both of you should have been working but instead Buggy had you in the bedroom, naked in his lap while he was still clothed. Your back was to his chest as he kept your legs apart, letting you sink onto his cock slowly. It was totally fine were it not for the bedroom door being left opened, giving anyone who walked by a full view of what was happening.

Buggy asked first, of course, he wanted to make sure you felt comfortable with this, and you were but every time you heard voices coming down the hall you squirmed in his arms, clenching around him nervously, until the voices disappeared and it was just the two of you again. No one came to the captain's room during the day, and generally no one walked by the room anyway, so the thrill of potentially getting caught like this was exciting for him.

“I knew you weren't some stuck up chick, babe, since you sleep with a dirty pirate every night, but I didn't think you'd get off on someone seein’ you like this.” He murmured into your ear as his hand moved between your legs while using his arm to keep you spread open. His fingers grazed over you, pulling a gasp from your lips as you tried to move under his hold. “Now, now, why are you so impatient, hm? Gotta take it slow.”

“S-Stop teasin’ me, Buggy.”

“Aw, babe, just doin’ what you do to me.” He chuckled as his other hand slid up to your neck, pressing his thumb against your throat. “Maybe just a lil bit meaner, though. You do such a good job teasin’ me, using me as your fuck toy whenever you want, but someone’s gotta put you in your place.” He applied pressure to your throat carefully, waiting for your reaction. Your hand went to his wrist, but not to remove his hand from its position, you just pushed against it, trying to get him to tighten his hold. Buggy swore softly, thrusting his hips up into you. “Cupcake, babe-”

You let out a whine, your attention on the open door. You heard approaching footsteps, fast moving ones that were headed for the room. Buggy tightened his hand around your throat as his hips started moving faster as he groaned in your ear. The pleasure was distracting for the both of you, but the approaching footsteps were getting closer and you heard voices. You whined, reaching back towards Buggy’s head to grab his hair for his attention.

“F-Footsteps, babe, someone’s comin’.” You choked out, biting back a cry when Buggy’s cock brushed over that sweet spot inside of you. You gripped his hair, tugging harshly on it. “B-Babe!”

“And? Let’em see the Captain fuck you.” Buggy growled into your ear. “They can see what you get up to since comin’ here. They’ll think I just use you as my personal fuck toy, probably think that’s all you’re good for.”

The footsteps came closer, someone was calling for Buggy, and you were suddenly tapping on his hand, gasping out something he couldn’t quite hear but the hand on your throat was gone, slamming the door shut. You squirmed in his arms, trying to get out of them, so Buggy lifted you off his lap while you stumbled away, rubbing your throat as you glared at him. He was surprised, not sure what he did, so he took his shirt off and handed it to you so you were at least dressed.

“D-Don’t say that kinda stuff, Buggy!” You snapped at him as you covered up while he just stared at you dumbly, trying to recall what he just said. He wasn’t sure what was upsetting you, so he gestured to you, shrugging his shoulders.

“Gonna tell me what it is that set you off just now?” He asked. “‘Cause I don’t know what I said.”

“Don’t make it sound like I’m useless, okay?!” You sniffled. “I-I don’t like it. I'm not useless.”

Buggy looked confused, wondering why you thought that. He scratched his head, frowning as he looked at you. “I don’t think you’re useless, babe. It was just somethin’ to say.”

“I don’t like it, even if you don’t mean it.” You mumbled as you wiped your eyes, refusing to look at him. “I don’t want anyone to think I’m useless.”

“Okay, so, you get that out of your system? I won’t say shit like that again.” Buggy sighed. “And you’re not useless. You help out a lot around here. If anyone says you’re useless I’ll take care of them.” He looked you over, grinning as he took in the sight of you in his shirt. “Should we continue or…”

“I’m taking a bath. I don’t feel like it anymore.” You sniffed as you went to grab some clean clothes to change into. Buggy sighed. He felt bad you were upset but how was he supposed to know? He didn’t think something like that would have upset you.

“Fine, I’m going to go check on everything.” He mumbled as he grabbed a new shirt to wear, pulling it on before heading to the door. You hurried over to him, grabbing him by the arm.

“Please don’t leave me, Buggy.”

“Babe, I’m not leaving you-”

“No, I mean, I… I want you here, now, please? Please, I don’t wanna be alone.” You bit your bottom lip, looking down at your feet. Oh, you were upset. Buggy nodded, touching your shoulder carefully before you leaned into him, wrapping your arms around him as you let out a heavy sigh. He kissed the top of your head, hugging you tightly as you buried your face against his chest.

“Sorry, babe, didn't mean to upset you.” He sighed. “Just sayin’ words.”

“Dumb words.” You mumbled, shaking your head. He tried not to roll his eyes as he rubbed your back. He didn't mean what he was saying, just like you never meant what you said.

“Should I make you a cup of tea or something?” Buggy asked, running his hand up and down your back slowly, trying to get you to relax. “We still got that minty shit you like.”

“Uhm… yea, that'd be nice.” You looked up at him and stood up on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “I love you.”

“Even when I upset you?” He sighed. “And make you cry?”

“Yes, because you don't mean it.” You told him. “And you said sorry.”

“Right? I did, didn't I.” He looked rather proud that you pointed that out. Sometimes he still didn't, thinking some things weren't apologizing for, but he didn't want to see you upset, he didn't think much on what he was saying to you in the heat of the moment, it was just words spilling out, and he kind of liked the idea of someone walking in on the two of you, but not you spread out like that. It was just…a scene.

“Cupcake, babe!” Buggy’s eyes lit up and his hands went to your cheeks, holding your head still and startling you. “Babe, scenes. We can make scripts of what we want the other to say so we don't have this happen again!”

“Scripts?” You squeaked softly. “I don't… know… would it take the fun out of it?”

“Cupcake, it's not fun when you're upset.” He told you as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “No, this is perfect. I'll write what I want you to say and you write what I'm going to say.” He grinned, patting your cheeks with both hands. “I am a genius.”

Buggy kissed you on the forehead once more before leaving you to go make your tea.

You didn't see Buggy until dinner, so yea, you were admittedly upset he didn't come back. You dressed and went to the kitchen to get your food, ignoring Buggy when he waved you over to sit next to him. Instead you walked out to go have privacy, finding a spot near Richie's cage to eat. The lion reached through the bars, trying to steal some food off your plate so you tossed some into the cage for him.

“What the fuck, is the lion better company than me?”

Sighing, you looked up at him as you took a bite of food. “I wanted a break from everyone.”

“Even from me?!” Buggy shrieked. “Why?!”

“Because you didn't bring me back my tea!” You told him.

“I had captain shit to do!” Buggy shot back.

“Your fucking body splits apart, your hand could have brought it to me!” You snapped at him. “I just needed you, Buggy, I was upset and I needed you!”

“Well, geez Cupcake, how the fuck was I supposed to know?!” Buggy demanded. “You could have said something! I can't read your fucking mind!”

You stared at him, wondering why you two still sucked so badly with communication. You thought you were getting better at it but maybe not.

“I was crying in your fucking arms, Buggy.” You hissed as you got to your feet suddenly. He took a step back as you pointed at him. “All I wanted was for you to come back to the room!”

Buggy pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully before he looked back at you. He took a step towards you, backing you up to the bars of Richie's cage, trapping you between his arms as he looked down at you. He almost backed down, seeing the sudden fearful look in your eyes, but instead he leaned down until your noses were almost touching.

“I'm sorry, Cupcake.” Buggy began as he locked eyes with you, flinching when Richie licked his fingers, hoping for more food. “I should have checked on you but Cabaji had important news to tell me. I still have to oversee the crew.”

You swallowed heavily, hating how close he was to you in that moment because you were upset at him, but whenever he got close like that, preventing you from moving away, you wanted to kiss him. Something about the bit of fear you had in these moments also… turned you on a bit, but only in the heat of an argument.

Swearing softly, you leaned towards him and kissed him, ignoring your noses bumping against each other. Buggy wasn't quite expecting that but he leaned in anyways, pressing you against the bars, only to jerk away when Richie kept licking his gloved hand, wanting attention.

“Dammit, Richie!” He grumbled as he pulled you away from the cage. “Stupid lion.”

You grinned, shaking your head as you looked up at him. “I'm still upset, babe.”

“Then why did you kiss me?” Buggy grumbled as he removed his glove, wincing at how damp it felt. “Gross cat.”

You shrugged, suddenly looking everywhere but at him, not wanting to make eye contact. “Umm… just… wanted to…”

“Babe, Cupcake, communication.” He insisted. You crossed your arms and looked down at your feet. Buggy reached under your chin, tilting your head up so you would look at him. “No, no, you need to look at me when you talk to me, babe.”

You swallowed heavily and nodded, biting your bottom lip, trying to think of how to tell him that hey, not only do I like you telling me how you like to fuck me, I like it when you scare me like this too.

You weren't really sure how he'd actually take that, especially how upset you were earlier, but ever since you met him there was always a little thrill whenever he'd back you into a wall, trap you between his arms as he spoke to you. It was never threatening, but his presence, the way he spoke, always gave you a little shiver of fear whenever you were in that position and you loved it.

“I just… like it when you… do this.” You said, gesturing to him, though he looked confused at your words. “When you, uh, do this, like, corner me or trap me between your arms to talk to me… I like it. It's a bit of a thrill because… I don't know what you're going to do.”

He was silent as your words sank in, trying to understand what you just told him. This wasn't meant to turn you on, it was meant for you to have your attention on him, nothing else. It wasn't meant to be threatening or hell, even arousing for you. He just wanted you to focus on him, which you did, especially when he did this.

Buggy grinned, leaning forward and backing you up to the cage once more, giving your chin a squeeze. “That so, babe? You like me doing this, cornering you like a little mouse, hm? Maybe I should- dammit, Richie!”

He jerked his hand back once more, the lion staring innocently back at Buggy behind you from his cage. All he wanted was some attention, and if there were people there then he damn well deserved it. Grumbling, Buggy wiped his hand on his jacket before glaring at you as you held your hand over your mouth, trying not to burst into giggles.

“Don't you fucking dare laugh.” He warned, but you snorted suddenly before laughing. Buggy crossed his arms, annoyed but slightly relieved you weren't as upset as you had been. Maybe the two of you just needed to talk this out some more.

#buggy the clown #cupcake x buggy #buggy the clown x reader #buggy the clown x you #buggy the clown x oc #buggy x reader #buggy x you #buggy x oc #opla buggy the clown #opla buggy #opla buggy the clown x reader #opla buggy the clown x you #opla buggy the clown x oc #opla buggy x reader #opla buggy x you #opla buggy x oc

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hourglassfish · 1 year ago

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Risottogate Extras

Thanks so much for taaags @eatandsleepwell when I read them I was like 😭 because there was stuff in there that I took out when I edited it down. So some replies which I hope is OK? I love all the different readings of this show and talking and thinking about it, and my mum doesn't like 'that shouting programme'.

I agree with you that it's implied that Carmy is the chef from the veal fat story. You can sort of see it when he’s like ‘one day he just hit it’, in his face*. The reason I feel like Sydney worked it out is because we see her frown, as though she is thinking while Carmy explains the specifications of the gelee, and then she explains how she got there, to both Marcus and Carm, which I feel like she wouldn’t do if she knew it as a lesson from him. I mean this could just be her remembering a story she’s heard, and finishing it off to give herself plausible deniability. However, I also think her having that technical knowledge is part of an ongoing rhythm, of her arriving and both Syd and Carmy thinking it will be mentee/mentor, but by the end of Brigade it's very clear that won’t be the dynamic.

I also agree that the decision to switch the kitchen to a brigade comes from Al-Anon. I feel like the decision to hand the labour of doing that to her (right now this minute), is sort of catalysed by her brilliance in that moment: because the previous day, when we cut from Al-Anon to the chaos of her and Richie yelling with Carm in the middle (😭) she feels like part of the problem, not an easy solution.

how much fun do you think the set dresser had sneaking tomatoes into each and every scene?

I think the reviewer isn’t so harsh on The Beef! He describes it as shabby but also much loved, there is very little slamming. His depiction of it is so much milder than all the things that Carmy says about it throughout the season, though I know it’s different when an outsider says it. That being said, I think if that review had said ‘the sandwiches are the best they’ve ever been’ Carmy’s entire demeanour would have been different, I’m sorry! 😭 One of the things I really enjoy about unlikelyjapan’s recaps of S2 is that they point out when Carmy’s ego is hurt or when he’s feeling a lil emasculated, and while he is different, he is not a stranger to the type of masculinity we see from Richie, Jimmy and Michael.

I think the second season is really good about sort of opening up the city of Chicago as a place for eating and food excellence, but in the first season it’s all very insular and centred around the Beef and family homes as locations. Sydney and Marcus become the stand-ins for Chicago’s food scene as a whole. Cus Sydney left too, right, like CIA is in NYC? I think there’s another reading of the decision to give the risotto to a reviewer which is that it’s Syd pulling back the blinds and sort of dragging The Beef and Carmy into the light - to gos! Reviews! Let’s throw a gauntlet down and let it rip!

But there is also maybe some projection here from me: I left the city I grew up in for 8 years, to go to university then be in a city that was better for my artistic practice (and I was successful and built a company and won awards but it shot my mental health to shit, and destroyed my body too) and then I came home because of a family death at 26 -

Just gonna stare into the void for a minute, brb

Damn, he's just like me for real

OK, trigger is over!!!

Anyway

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

When I came back there were obvs people doing what I had been doing, to a high level - and they hadn’t had all this family estrangement that I had. And it was complicated, you know? Not good, or bad, just complicated.

I be projecting on this man for real, much to think about!!!

Anyway!

See… Richie’s bitterness to me isn’t that weird! He says at the top of System that he’s been looking after Donna for the past six months, he was at the funeral when Carmy wasn’t, he’ll have been holding both Michael and the restaurant together while Carmy was away, and he explicitly says it's to the detriment of his own family situation. We see that happen in the show: he finally gets a job from Jimmy that means he can escape the Beef and do right by Eva and Tiff, and it goes to shit cus someone calls Michael when they needed to call Richie. It feels likely that the loss of the job, the divorce and his place at the Beef will have all been tied together, 8n his head at least. Michael’s love pushed Carmy away, but he depended on Richie day in, day out: both Carmy and Richie want what the other had. Richie envies Carmy’s being protected from the worst of Michael’s addiction. Carmy feels that he missed out on Michael’s honesty and intimacy. Richie does not have the biological/blood claim that Nat or Carmy have, but he was by Mikey’s side day to day. He is left with nothing but memories, many of them painful. He can stay close to this family he has built his life around,but only at their discretion. They can dispose of him (drop his ass) at any time, and as Tina brutally points out in Ceres, where is he gonna go? He is deeply fearful of this, understandably. The response, of course, is that no one asked him to stick by Michael’s side, or care for Donna. But love doesn't work like that.

Don't worry babes, when we communize care it won't have to be like this.

I find the feelings underpinning his behaviour deeply human: I find the behaviour itself vile, and I hate how easily Carmy and the script let him off for withholding the letter. It’s a total non-event. It’s one of very few moments in The Bear where even the first time round I was like ‘nah, that’s poor writing’. Carmy has a bigger response to him bitching about Claire!

I love shipping, and am a fan of romance goggles. Especially with this ship, because people are fucking weird about it. For me personally, the idea of a romance between these two… ah I wanna be into it, I do. When I ignore a bunch of things I kind of enjoy it. Almost.

Someone made that supercut of all their scenes together, and when I watched it, at the end I felt so, so sad. Cus I felt like I’d just spent 90 minutes watching some white dude exploit a really talented Black woman over and over again while she got sadder and sadder and then she threw up in an alleyway. Even whilst seeing moments that felt romantic. Obviously a supercut like that is not a fully accurate representation of their relationship or characters. But the feeling of dismay and unease won't shift.

In S2 especially, there are so many moments where she just looks really sad. I don’t think Carmy wants to compete with her, or with anyone, really, and I definitely don’t think she’s competing with him, she’s sincere when she tells Richie she’s got no ulterior motive: she wants to work, to find the work meaningful, get paid and live her life. But I think it’s hard to leave your training behind, and them man are trained to compete, it’s the only way you move up in the kitchen, and my reading of the risotto, and why it takes up so much SPACE, cus it’s bubbling away for 3 episodes, is that Carmy’s ego enters the chat, and is a part of the destruction that unfolds.

Anyway, I am off to watch some horror films with Black women as protagonists so that the next time I want to represent myself staring into the void in horror I'm not left with Florence and Mia, much as I love them.

*to believe this i have to ignore that he credits the discovery to a sous and we know he was CDC at EMP. But he also talks about cubes on a dish where everything is a circle, so you know, we can suspend disbelief when we want

#the bear #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu #richie jerimovich

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atcarpenter · 4 months ago

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It takes a while for Amber to open up to her given their past and her anger towards Sam about Tara and her worries that she'd just be burdening Sam but when she does, she feels so much better and Sam really makes an effort to listen and be compassionate and understanding and letting Amber be vulnerable

Yeah and Richie only made it worse by reinforcing the idea that she was meant to act that way, that trying to be emotional or expecting anything from him would hurt their relationship, that she was in the wrong anytime he got angry or jealous

Sam and Tara notice her progress in little ways, in her attempts to show appreciation more, her efforts to be less confrontational, her confidence in being more open about loving traditionally feminine stuff and behaviors that she was once expected to sneer at

Tara loves giving her little bits of praise for her efforts, telling her how brave she is to ask for help and how proud she is of her progress in unlearning all the bad ways of thinking that were forced upon her

Poor Tara is terrified of anger and confrontation. She still remembers all the late nights of her parents screaming at one another and desperately trying to shut it out and being with Christina after, how she would lash out at Tara anytime she was having a bad day. Tara especially has a hard time confronting anyone because she remembers just how bad things could get if she or anyone else ever tried to confront Christina about her drinking.

She and a few others once tried to stage an intervention that went catastrophically wrong and Tara still remembers not just the violence but the look of her rage and hatred in Christina's eyes

And Tara still carries guilt over bringing up the diaries she found and confronting her mom about it, blaming herself for everything that happened afterwards. And she gets really scared when Sam is mad because she worries her sister will leave her again

Sam knows how bad it was for Tara and how sensitive she is so she makes an effort to reassure her when it isn't Tara's fault and let her know she's not going anywhere. When the two sisters do have to confront one another about anything, they make a special effort to avoid the same behaviors and reactions Christina always displayed and try to communicate in a healthy and productive manner

They definitely would and Mindy thinks it's weird but she's not judging. They also love sharing and discussing their favorite true crime podcasts and murder cases, especially swapping theories about who the Zodiac Killer was, and discussing conspiracy theories.

As a bonus, since it's October and the Jewish holidays have started, I like to imagine Amber celebrating them. She's never been religious but she has always found the familiarity and tradition comforting and she feels it gives her a connection to her family and her heritage.

Tara loves learning more about Judaism from her and helping her prepare and celebrate and even going to the synagogue with her.

Definitely, there is a lot of blockage that Amber in particular has to work through first, but she really feels a lot better once she lets Sam in and they strike up a friendship again and start really considering each other family. They might have a similar dynamic to when Amber was a kid and Sam still babysat the friend group. They might not have had had the closest connection then either, but I think Sam favoured her a little because she realised Tara had a crush on her friend and because she noticed that Amber always felt a little like the odd one out because she was a lil weird and not good at being social or at being what other people expected of her, in particular being feminine and sweet.

She ended up thinking Richie only liked her for one specific part of her personality and played that more toxically masculine part up for him, pushing everything else down, and whenever she would ask for something that she would have needed in the relationship, he'd shut her down and make her feel silly for having needs and feelings or her own or just make her swallow any hurt she might have been feeling at something he had said or done, like constantly being belittling. Grr, honestly, he "you're not like other girls"-ed her a lot. I want to bite him. Unsexily.

The way she handles her emotions and deals with other people gets better though. Amber gets more comfortable with all of herself and realises you can be both tough and soft. You can have one without missing the other (v sexy of her). Tara's encouragement helps Amber a lot.

The first time Amber wears something actually pink, everyone goes "Amber??" bc no one's used to it, but she just shrugs. It's one of Tara's shirts, but it's soft and smells like her girlfriend, and she loves it.

And poor Tara. After that intervention, she was the one who still had to stay and sleep in the house with Christina after it went wrong. She was constantly on edge for a very long time afterwards, and she also avoided addressing drinking in any way for a while out of fear of making Christina blow up.

Sam can sometimes say or do things without thinking or gets intense without meaning to be as aggressive as she comes off, especially when it comes to Tara's well-being and safety. But she makes sure to reassure Tara when it makes her anxious, and they're both working on communicating well with each other, with different kinds of ups and downs on both sides. And they are both very conscientious about not being like Christina.

I think sometimes Chad has the most outlandish ideas about cold cases and conspiracy theories and explains them with lots of pathos, and it spurns Amber on to come up with her own crazy thoughts and theories, though hers are often a lot darker. And graphic.

Oh yes, I also think she isn't religious, but she likes the tradition of it all, and it brings up pleasant memories of her mom because she loves that they would spend time together and actually do things, and with how rare mother-daughter time was otherwise, it just made for a lot of little warm memories.

Amber never asked that Tara take an interest, but she naturally does. It's important to Amber, so it's important to her too. It's been like this since they were kids/teens, but now that they're living together in NYC, she's become even more engaged in showing an interest, listening and asking questions and helping with holidays.

#scream 5 #tamber #tara carpenter #sam carpenter #amber freeman #softie amber #cw grooming #cw child abuse #amber praise kink when /hj

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watchoutforthefanfics · 7 months ago

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achievement unlocked 🔓 (part twelve) || Streamer AU! Reddie (IT)

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration: this prompt + BIRDS OF A FEATHER by Billie Eilish

Summary: Richie liked to play video games, and by some stroke of luck, it became his job. Being primarily known as Trashmouth on stream, he found his own little group of streamer friends and they became intertwined: The Losers Club. It never did feel quite complete, though. Well, until, he got his very own backseat gamer in chat.

TWs: innuendos, lots of talk of sex (it's Richie), cursing, brief mention of toxic relationships, and shameless flirting.

[[A/N: Finally time for the fucking prompt !!! Everyone shout hooray!!! I did change it a little though. There's a lot of fucking Minecraft in this. Just fyi. Anyway, I based how they play on how my siblings and I did. Enjoy :))]]

big.bill ✔️

What about Minecraft?

Richie paused, pressing his lips together.

They'd all been debating a game to stream together since Eddie had asked to play with him (and the Losers). Most of the good ones were limited to like 4, so it was actually pretty fucking hard. Every other day, someone would suggest one, and they'd all debate it. There was nothing that quite clicked yet.

Well, until now.

benny.boy.official ✔️

I've got it on both pc and console

he'd just have to make an account

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

that would make my chat so fucking happy

they have been asking for it for like a month

stan.the.man ✔️

Why haven't you played it then?

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

not in my minecraft phase tbh

it happens like once a year

mike.me.up ✔️

I've seen reels about that

Is that a universal experience ?

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

I think so

reddy.bevvy ✔️

no it's true mine was like last month

lasted 4 months

and then poof

Richie was about to text again, but somebody cut him off.

e.kaspbrak

I've played it like once. Ever.

stan.the.man ✔️

It's honestly pretty easy.

You don't have to know the more complicated stuff. Just the basics.

benny.boy.official ✔️

I can teach you Eddie ☺️

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

see eds don't worry ur pretty lil head about it

we got u

e.kaspbrak

Shut the fuck up, asshole.

And thanks, Ben.

Richie laughed, he really fucking loved him. And his weird ass responses to him. Like who responds so aggressively to someone they like, that they're dating. Richie digs it, so who gives a fuck, honestly-

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

isn't he just so sweet guys

stan.the.man ✔️

You need to be humbled anyway, Rich.

e.kaspbrak

@/stan.the.man You too.

Richie laughed again, taking a moment to absorb it all. His angry little Eds. He knew he was totally 100% serious too, it was nice in a weird sort of way.

mike.me.up ✔️

ooh, you're in trouble~

reddy.bevvy ✔️

that's right Eddie, stick up for your man 😤😤😤

benny.boy.official ✔️

uh oh

big.bill ✔️

Wow.

stan.the.man ✔️

I respect that, Eddie.

Did we decide on Minecraft?

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

eds ?

There was a pause, and Richie mulled over the idea. All of them playing Minecraft. The Losers had done it before, many times, actually. It was a mix of things, survival, creative, and even like the online games (Richie remembers being particularly competitive). It would be different now, with Eddie.

Maybe he could build them both a house, and they could share it-

e.kaspbrak

Yeah, let's do it.

The stream was in a few days, they'd all kind of correlated depending on their schedules, and it all lined up. Which was very responsible of them, so, he was proud of himself. (A win is a win, as they say.) He was troubleshooting Minecraft actually, making sure there were no big ass updates (because there always were) and testing it to make sure it would run properly later.

Richie had also offered to buy an online realm so they could all play together wherever the fuck they were. And so everyone could stream playing it later without someone needing to be there. Any way to get more content, am I right? It was all going pretty good, honestly-

Bzzt, bzzt.

He blinked, moving to his phone (which was vibrating). Grabbing it swiftly, he eyed the reason.

e.kaspbrak is calling

Richie didn't hesitate a moment, smiling big and bright.

"Hey Eddie baby," he cheered, grinning -spinning away from his computer, to give him his undivided attention (like he always did).

"Are you busy?" He asked (like it would matter if he was).

"Never too much for you, Eds," Richie replied with ease, "-Whatcha need?"

"I just-" Eddie started, voice cutting off for a second, "-The stream is stressing me the fuck out."

Richie frowned, "Why?"

"I'm just so fucking nervous," Eddie rush out in a breath, "-What if I can't fucking talk? What's the whole point?"

"Eds, if you can't do it," Richie explained, "-you can't do it. Everybody would understand."

"I know that," Eddie sighed out, speaking faster (Richie could tell he was working himself up), "-but I want to, I do-"

"Okay, okay," Richie relented, softly, "-I hear you."

He could hear Eddie let out a heavy breath, but it was slow. Slower than before, Richie noted it. I can work with this-

"Let's-" Richie started, before pressing his lips together and thinking, "-I can tell when you're working yourself up, Eds, so... if I hear it, I will get you off the stream. Even if it's just for a second."

"You'd do that?"

"Of course, Eds," Richie spoke like it was obvious (which it was), "-I fucking love you. I'm going to help you through shit. Obviously."

Eddie stayed silent. Richie couldn't tell if it was good or bad, so he went with his failsafe-

"You forget I'm your boyfriend?" Richie laughed, "-I know I'm a shithead but-"

"Shut up, asshole," Eddie started to laugh too (Richie was happy with that), "-you're such a dick."

They laughed together for a second, and it stirred into Richie's chest like it always did. He hoped it would feel the same every time, and he was pretty sure it would. It made something more genuine slip from him.

"I'm gonna take care of you, Eds," Richie offered, softly. As genuine as he figured he could ever be, "-okay?"

There was a silence then, a comfortable one. He didn't think it'd ever be uncomfortable with Eddie. He and Eddie just fucking... worked. It rattled through his bones sometimes. He felt like he'd known him his whole life.

"Yeah," Eddie spoke, quietly, "-I know."

"Wow, did you just Han Solo me?" Richie laughed out, playfully.

"Well," he could almost hear Eddie's face scrunch up in frustration, "-what the fuck did you want me to say? Fucking thank you-"

"Oh, I'll take care of you too," Richie listed off, "-Richie, you're the best boyfriend ever-"

"You are such an asshole," Eddie was laughing again and Richie only grinned wider, "-It's common sense for boyfriends to take care of each other, dipshit-"

"Hey," Richie interrupted, playfully (a jab at himself really), "-not in all relationships, Spaghetti."

It was silent for a second, and Richie was a little nervous that he'd crossed some sort of line. Eddie was fiercely protective, even if it was Richie shitting on himself-

"I swear to fucking god, I wish I could beat the shit out of your exes."

Richie snorted, bursting into laughter, "I'm starting to think you're serious, Eds."

"Richie," Eddie leveled, "-I am dead fucking serious."

Richie's laughter cut short, and he pressed his lips together, "You... Seriously?"

Eddie responded, plainly, "I harassed your ex into blocking me on Instagram, dipshit."

"Well, yeah, but-"

"No buts," Eddie interrupted, "-If I wouldn't catch charges, I'd beat the shit out of every single one. Especially, that bitch Connor-"

"My hero, Eds," Richie sighed out, dramatically, "-I'd bail you out."

"Haha," Eddie bit back, sarcastically, "-I'm not gonna get criminal charges, Rich. Not even for you."

"But like-" Richie asked, clarifying, "-in the Purge-"

"Oh yeah," Eddie answered, instinctively (on the exact same wavelength), "-they better watch their fucking backs."

Richie laughed again. Ah Eddie, my little shit. What the fuck would I do without you?

Richie hoped he'd never fucking find out. God, he really fucking hoped, with everything in him, that he'd get Eddie forever. Just fucking forever. He'd do anything-

reddy.bevvy ✔️

stream day babes !!!

Richie blinked at the message like he hadn't been sitting at his computer for the last hour. He was fucking excited, sue him-

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

how we feeling fellas

big.bill ✔️

Gonna try and get to the Ender Dragon this stream.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

what a fucking mad lad

stan.the.man ✔️

You are clinically insane, Bill.

big.bill ✔️

Speedruns exist for a reason, Stanley.

benny.boy.official ✔️

super excited !!!

setting up Eddie now

reddy.bevvy ✔️

how did he do with your tutorial?

benny.boy.official ✔️

really good !!!

he hates the skeletons though

mike.me.up ✔️

valid take

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

no he's right

they're almost as shitty as the children

stan.the.man ✔️

???

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

the zombie kids

it's funnier to just call them a child

reddy.bevvy ✔️

where is Eddie ???

Richie pursed his lips, something biting at him. Eddie wasn't freaking himself out, was he? It made something in his stomach swirl-

e.kaspbrak

You guys are really fucking impatient.

It's been like 3 minutes since the conversation started.

Richie smiled.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

3 minutes is long in internet time, eds

e.kaspbrak

I don't believe shit that comes out of your mouth, Rich.

mike.me.up ✔️

get a room you two

reddy.bevvy ✔️

come back to me guys

Richie, are you streaming first?

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

yea

I gotta invite everyone to the realm anyway

speaking of what's eds's gamertag ???

There was an odd pause in the chat, it made Richie furrow his eyebrows. He licked a line along his teeth, waiting a moment. What the fuck-

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

hello ???

benny.boy.official ✔️

I don't wanna get in trouble

Richie furrowed his eyebrows even more, frowning. What the fuck-

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

sweet, sweet benny boy

I can't add him if I don't know his gamertag

There was another pause.

benny.boy.official ✔️

eddie.spaghetti

Richie burst into the brightest fucking grin he thought he'd ever been able to grin.

e.kaspbrak

Don't fucking start.

mike.me.up ✔️

he's definitely already started

hate to break it to you

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

aweeeee 💞❤️🤭💞❤️

eds likes me guyssss

stan.the.man ✔️

Yeah, we know Richie.

big.bill ✔️

Actually, Eddie are you going to start gaming yourself?

Like streaming?

There was another pause, and he watched as Eddie typed in the corner. Little bubbles flickering by.

e.kaspbrak

No.

I think I'm good being known as Trashmouth's boyfriend.

Richie was never going to get over that. My boyfriend, Eddie's my boyfriend, mine, my boyfriend-

stan.the.man ✔️

A brave soul.

mike.me.up ✔️

fair point

Rich is a lot to handle and also highly sought after

Yeah, Richie never really got that. He definitely had fans that were into him like that (he'd seen the edits, which significantly had most clips of him with his glasses off weirdly). He didn't really like it, or agree with it. But he was flattered, in some way. And also maybe weirded out.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

Eddie was one of those

so I think he knows

Richie grinned.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

celebrity crush for a year and a half babeyyyyyy

e.kaspbrak

Bev, why the fuck would you do that?

He's never gonna shut the fuck up about it now.

mike.me.up ✔️

to be fair I wouldn't either

stan.the.man ✔️

Yeah, you're kind of fucked on that one, Eddie.

big.bill ✔️

Way too good to pass up.

e.kaspbrak

I hate all of you.

That brought Richie to now, fidgeting with his hands as he made some adjustments to the game. Adding everyone in was pretty easy, honestly, he'd just want to do a final test run on his equipment. He went through a checklist in his head: charged controller, good framerate, open discord, and a slew of just stream shit.

Mindlessly, he adjusted his collar, he was actually wearing one of the two Bev made him (the one with the stars, he should clarify). It was really comfortable, and nicely colored. It might’ve been his favorite shirt honestly-

There was a little chime, and Richie opened his mouth to see if it was on the call or the game-

"Hey, Rich," Stan commented, "-You're early."

"Staniel, hey," Richie countered, "-You gonna go ahead and join the world?"

"Yeah, sure," Stan answered, "-I'm just checking some of my stream shit."

"Yeah, oka-"

Chime.

"Hi," Bev smiled, "-how's setting up, you two?"

"I actually troubleshooted today," Ruchie commented, "-so you guys should be very fucking proud of me."

"That's the bare minimum, Rich," Stan responded, flatly.

Bev clapped, he could hear it through her microphone, "Good job, honey."

There was a pause.

Chime.

"Hey g-guys," Bill called out, "-everything working on t-the world, R-Rich?"

"You know it, Billy," Richie chimed back.

Chime.

"Hello," Mike spoke, cheerfully, "-how's everybody doing?"

Everyone chimed in how they felt, respectfully one at a time though. They'd already figured out a balance, especially in regards to talking. Their streams needed to be organized, so all the kinks were already worked out.

Stanley started up, judgementally, "Did you seriously name it 'Tenacious D'?"

"Yep," Richie answered, "-What can I say, I love Jack Black."

"A-And it's a dick j-joke," Bill added.

Richie pursed his lips, before admitting, "And it's a dick joke."

Chime.

"Hey guys," Ben cheered out -soft and gentle like he always was. It offered a different kind of vibe to the group, a nicer one. Warm, inviting. Richie understood why people liked watching his streams, "-Imma run over and fix Eddie's mic-"

Richie suddenly realized they were most definitely in different rooms, why didn't he think of that beforehand? He did kinda want Eddie to be on his streams in person first, though, so he was kinda fucking glad, honestly-

Chime.

There was silence.

"Eddie?" Beverly called, gently.

"I think he's nervous," Ben answered back, carefully.

Richie was gnawing at his lip. His hands fidgeting with some of the shit on his desk, he tapped along the wood.

"There's nothing to be nervous about," she chimed again, softer.

He scrambled for a second, trying to figure out how exactly to help in front of everybody. How to get Eddie out of his head-

"Imma annoy you until you unmute, Eds," he sung out -off key, of course.

Nothing.

"Billy, Mikey," Richie hummed, knowing exactly who to recruit, "-start a chant with me."

"Y-Yeah, okay," Bill responded.

Mike agreed -wholeheartedly, "Let's do it, Rich."

"UNMUTE! UNMUTE! UNMUTE!"

"Guys, shut the hell up," Ben spoke -flatly, "-this is very stressful for him."

Richie's lips snapped shut, and the others followed suite. Oh shit.

Bev chimed then, softly, "Eddie, it's okay if you don't want to talk, we understand."

Richie was gnawing at his lip again, wringing his hands (he wanted to fucking be there and fucking help-), "You know we understand if you can't do it, Eds. And you sure as fuck know I'm not gonna hate you for it."

I love you, you know that. That's not going away.

There was a sigh, what Richie knew to be an Eddie sigh. He had like everything about him memorized, seriously. Richie lightened just a little.

"It's okay," Eddie breathed out, faster than he should (Richie logged it in his head), "-I'm just really fucking nervous-"

It's like a switch in Richie's brain flipped, a lightbulb going off in his head. It was just instinct, helping Eddie calm down. (He was half joking and half genuine, as he always was.)

He leaned back in his chair, distancing himself from the microphone (for dramatic effect, of course. And maybe not to blow people's ears out).

"HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK I’M IN LOVE-"

"Oh, shut up, asshole," Eddie laughed, his favorite kind actually -the one he meant (he really was so fucking in love with him, he wanted to shout it from the rooftops), "-You're such a fucking moron."

"Yeah," Stanley responded, "-sounds like Richie's type."

Bill agreed, "N-No yeah, d-definitely."

"Eddie, I'm so glad to actually hear you," Bev smiled, avoiding the other two -distinctly (like she was a disappointed mother), "-I've only heard your voice through videos."

"It's weird," he laughed a little, "-hearing all of you guys. I'm so used to your streams, it's fucking weird to hear you talking to me. Other than Ben and Mike, obviously. And well, Richie too."

"T-That, must've b-been fucking weird," Bill spoke, kinda like a question, "-fucking flirting w-with your celebrity c-crush? I c-can't even imagine-"

"It's not," Eddie spoke suddenly, before amending, "-Don't get me wrong when I saw that he liked my post, I literally almost ate shit-"

"How?" Bev laughed.

"I was on a morning jog," Eddie clarified, "-heard my phone chime through my headphones, and almost fucking faceplanted."

"Hey, I didn't know that," Richie complained, maybe pouting his lips like a sad toddler (no one else could see so, it didn't matter).

"You would've said something stupid about it," Eddie explained, plainly, "-and I hear enough of your stupid shit."

Richie opened his mouth to respond, like he always did with Eddie. Probably like 'I thought you liked when I said shit'-

"How is it not?" Ben steered the conversation back, gentle and calm.

Eddie seemed to take a second, and Richie waited. He was really fucking invested in this, honestly. He wanted to know-

"I don't fucking know, it's-" he started, most definitely flustered (Richie could physically see the puffed-up cheeks in his mind), "-It was strangely fucking natural. Like I've known him forever. Been dealing with his shit forever-"

Richie felt something squeeze in his chest. He knew he felt that way, but to know Eddie did too? It made his heart burst so much that he felt like it might claw out of his chest and land in Eddie's hands. Where it fucking belonged-

"He wasn't-" Eddie continued, trying to find his words, "-He wasn't Trashmouth to me, he was always... always Richie. If that makes any sense."

There was silence for a second, like everyone was processing it. Fuck, Richie still was-

"Yeah," Stanley echoed out, soft, "-it does, Eddie."

They kept talking for a little longer, before Richie broke off to start streaming. He muted himself in the discord groupchat until they all started playing (survival, by the way). The intro and shit needed to be individual, so, they worked it out that way.

"Hey, motherfuckers," he called out, before going into like an announcer's voice, "-it's the long awaited Minecraft stream-"

dizknees: THE TITLE THO

minecrafter.on.main: fucking finally

trashy.tozier: SPAGHETTI TOO????

elite._.gamer: this is going to be so much fun !!!

geez.zee: @/sam.i.am bet u 10 bucks he blows stan's house up at least once

only-here-for-trashmouth: 🍝🍝🍝 ???

the.losers.are.better: finally some delicious fucking food

babey_boy: hey everybodyyyyy

sam.i.am: @/geez.zee deal

girls.girl: can't believe Eddie's gonna be playing, love wins

trashmouth-for-me: SCREAMING !!! EDDIE !!!

Right, the title: Minecraft w/ The Losers 2.0 (now featuring 🍝).

Richie was honestly pretty fucking proud of himself-

"Yes, chat," Richie laughed, "-my boyfriend will be joining us today, and everybody else too. Not that you fuckers seem to care."

genuine._.disappointment: is 🍝 streaming too ?

"Oh, no," Richie corrected, "-Eds, is not a streamer, he doesn't really want to be. You guys will hear him though, and probably see him a lot, because, well, you're fucking watching me-"

screamingandcrying: whipped

toziers-trash: no bc I get it I'm obsessed too

younganddumb: crying in single rn

too.tough.to.cry: #1 Eddie content creator

trashmouth-for-me: @/tozier_babeyyyy get here the clips for your comp !!!

grumpy_frog: so many wins for reddie rn

an_idiot_sandwich32: creative or survival

reddie-girlie: I have risen

babey_gurlll: so excited !!!

tellmealie34: hardcore ? jk... unless 👀

trashy.tozier: @/reddie-girlie THAT WAS SO FUCKING FAST WHAT

your._.mom: r u a builder or miner ? or fighter ?

minecraft-minecraft76: is this survival ?

toziers-trash: @/reddie-girlie @/trashy.tozier the army is rising 🫡

genuine._.disappointment: @/your._.mom he's gay hope this helps

Richie pointed out a few more chats (the game type and if it was a realm, mostly), before finally loading into the game. He waited a few seconds, messaging if everyone was ready and when they answered connecting the audio.

"You guys hear everybody okay?"

dizknees: all good 👍

Richie nodded, before turning toward the game -typical forest. He watched as faces popped into the world, each one a unique skin (except for Eddie). He should clarify that he made Stan make one, otherwise, he would've been Steve.

"Alright troops," Richie chimed, low tone (like a sargent), "-let's get that fucking wood."

Near instantly, Eddie responded -Steve turning to him (his Tony the tiger skin really was a dead giveaway), "Since when are you the fucking boss?"

genuine._.disappointment: EDDIEEEE

grumpy_frog: 🍝🍝🍝

trashy.tozier: his name is EDDIE.SPAGHETTI ??? SOBBING

babey_boy: 🍝🍝🍝

kermie_my_love: 🍝🍝🍝

trashmouth-for-me: @/trashy.tozier that's so cute 😭

the.losers.are.better: ah, Eddie how we love you

tozier_babeyyyy: clipped

maybe_maybelline45: 🍝🍝🍝

reddie-girlie: say that king 👏

"Good point," Richie relented, "-and also, chat says hi, Eds."

There was a moment.

"Hi," he responded, a little sheepishly (so fucking cute, it made Richie want to physically explode).

Richie watched as his chat blew by with both waves and 'hi's with a smile. They probably rivaled him at this point-

"Is this k-keep inventory?" Bill asked.

Richie pressed his lips together, "Yeah, there's no fucking stress in my Minecraft game, Bills."

Bill's character (one that looked like him) promptly leaped off the mountain. Richie burst into laughter within seconds.

"What the fuck-" Eddie piped up, laughing a little himself.

"Yeah, Bill," Mike continued (he was some sort of media character that Richie knew but couldn't quite name), "-What are you doing?"

"I s-saw c-coal," Bill explained, shortly, "-I knew I c-could make it."

Richie was still laughing, "You did that for coal?"

Stan, whose skin looked exactly fucking like him, was still mindlessly gathering wood -unaffected, "Why are we surprised guys? It's fucking Bill."

Bev agreed, diligently breaking grass and flowers, "Yeah, he's going to do shit like that."

"K-Keep talking," Bill scoffed, "-see who you fuckers c-come t-to for resources."

Eventually, all of them ran into a village.

"What the fuck is this?" Eddie called out, and Richie turned to see him slowly looking around the area.

"You didn't see a village in a tutorial, Spaghetti?" Richie smiled, asking curiously.

Ben clarified, quickly, "We were in creative."

"Oh," Richie hummed, before answering, "-it's a village, and those fuckers are villagers. We're basically here to steal their shit."

Eddie roamed closer to Richie, like he would protect him (Richie nearly fucking died right there), "Are they enemies?"

"Eds," Richie teased, "-are they trying to kill you right now?"

"Fuck you," Eddie bit back, most definitely flustered and frustrated, "-We're stealing their shit, I didn't know if they were gonna fucking... be mad."

"Eds," Richie smiled, teasing again (he'll admit it), "-are you afraid the villagers are going to be mad at you?"

"I will kill you."

"Sadly, PvP is turned off," Richie commented, "-but I would turn it on for you if I could."

"Shut up," Eddie was laughing, and it made something in him shimmer.

tozier_babeyyyy: this is a gold mine rn

girls.girl: new way to flirt just dropped

girlie-pops: fuck romeo and juliet I want what these bitches have

yodel-hey-he-who: 🍝🍝🍝

only-here-for-trashmouth: I'm sobbing why do I love them

trashy.tozier: @/tozier_babeyyyy ur comp is gonna HIT

shake_my_spear: no bc I'm new but I'm invested

reddie-girlie: EDDIE !!!

Richie just shook his head, smiling (he was so entirely fucked, as always), and making a crafting table.

"There," he dropped him a sword (just a stone one but it was better than fucking nothing), "-if the villagers start swinging, Eds, you're protected."

"Fuck you," Eddie responded, before adding, "-but thanks, Rich."

"Yeah, yeah-"

"BILL, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT-"

They both spun around, and Richie watched Bill get launched by the iron golem -halfway across the village. He couldn't help but fucking laugh, his friends were such fucking idiots-

"What the fuck is that?" Eddie asked -horrified, and Richie watched him roam closer again (even though he had the sword).

"I w-want his s-shit!" Bill answered, swiftly running away -the golem closely behind.

"Iron ingots?" Stan replied -incredulous, "-Just go fucking mining-"

"Don't worry, Eddie baby," Richie spoke through laughter (he was wiping his eyes, seriously), "-he's like the bodyguard for the villagers. Bill definitely fucking picked that fight."

"Oh," Eddie spoke, softer, and god, Richie loved the shit out of him.

"Now, hate to do this to you, Eds, but-" Richie chimed, pulling out his sword and chasing after Bill, "-I gotta get in on this shit."

dizknees: EDDIE BABY ???

biggurls_dontcry5: bill is insane

yoohoo789: I really feel Stan rn

trashmouth-for-me: @/dizknees 😭😭😭

grumpy_frog: that's what I expected honestly

babey_boy: bills pov must be crazyyyy

trashy.tozier: @/dizknees @/trashmouth-for-me the pet names are killing me

minecrafter.on.main: this is so fucking funny

the.losers.are.better: I literally love these streamers

Bill did, in fact, die. Richie didn't, he killed the fucker, and then refused to give Bill the iron ingots. As Richie Tozier would do.

After that, the whole group was trying to find a place to stop. They were at that point where they had too much shit to keep moving. So, eyes were peeled (even throughout the nights, which Richie neatly stayed by Eddie's side through, if you were wondering).

Personally, Richie didn't really give a fuck about where they lived. He did like to see the sick ass mountains generated with like cool peaks and shit, but he didn't have to build there. So, he was kinda lenient.

"Is this a flower field?" Eddie asked, curiously.

Everyone stopped to look ahead. And there was one, levels and levels of flowers. Richie even saw sunflowers, actually, turned toward the sun. It really was just... good, Minecraft was so feel-good sometimes-

"Yeah," Mike answered, "-sometimes they spawn. It's nice, isn't it?"

Eddie didn't say anything for a second, Steve just turned out to the flowers. Richie wished he could see him like this, what his face looked like-

"It's really fucking pretty."

Richie wasn't fucking moving an inch. He was going to throw a tantrum if they didn't set up camp here, actually. And he knew how to throw a fucking tantrum-

"I'm staying here," he expressed, flatly, "-I'm living here. My vote's for here-"

Stan spoke up then, deadpanning, "I wonder why."

"I'm dead fucking serious-"

"I like it too actually," Bev interrupted, ignoring both of them, "-It's got the flowers and a cute little creek. My vote is for here too."

Ben hummed -unsurprisingly (because obviously), "I agree, it's nice and flat too."

Mike added, "Who am I to disagree?"

"I-I just w-want to p-put down my b-bed," Bill offered, abruptly. Richie knew he probably wouldn't even spend time building a house, or maybe he was afraid of dying again.

"So your vote doesn't matter," Bev addressed, "-Stan? Eddie?"

Stan answered, after a few hesistant seconds, "Yeah, I like it."

Eddie was quiet for a second, "We don't have to do it here, guys-"

"We want to," Ben chimed back, and Richie could tell he was smiling. All warm and just Ben. Richie could feel it all the way across the country.

"Plus," Mike leveled, "-Richie isn't gonna let us go anywhere else."

"Very true," Stanley agreed -succinctly. And yeah, he really wasn't.

There was a pause.

"Well, then," Eddie sighed out, maybe flustered again, "-yeah. I like it here. A lot."

"Awesome!" Bev chimed, happily, "-Let's place down our beds, and then-"

"I don't have one," Eddie offered, maybe a little concerned.

"I've got one for you, Eds," Richie soothed -casually, "-no worries."

Eddie was soft and quiet, barely above a whisper, "Thanks."

Richie blinked, tilting his head slightly. It was a weird reaction, he noted. He didn't think it was him being nervous (or the bad kind that they talked about), but still... it was different.

"'Course, Eds," Richie laughed (I love you), "-Imma place it, just hit it once, and you'll make it your respawn point."

Eddie obediently did so.

The others were bickering, but Richie wasn't really listening. He was a little lost. It felt like Eddie was actually fucking here. Like he was standing right next to him. In a fucking Minecraft game, he felt so fucking close to him for once.

And that feeling shook through his bones.

"I'm just gonna start building my house," Bev called out, and it knocked him right out of his thoughts. He really didn't have a fucking clue about what they'd been talking about before, but-

Richie cleared his throat, just moving on autopilot (which in this case meant building a chest and putting all of his shit in said chest). It was instinctual. And helped him shake that feeling of Eddie being so fucking far-

"Can I build the house?"

Richie hummed, preoccupied, "Hmm?"

"Our house," Eddie clarified, simply, "-Can I build it?"

trashy.tozier: OUR HOUSE

minecrafter.on.main: no bc I came here for Minecraft why am I crying

babey_gurlll: it's not love if they don't build you a joint Minecraft house

only-here-for-trashmouth: @/trashy.tozier 😭😭😭

ghoulie_girlie69: 🍝🍝🍝

toziers-trash: this is so sweet

younganddumb: is this even a trashmouth stream rn ??? or is it a coming-of-age romcom ???

babey_boy: this is so gay where's the gay shit guy

grumpy_frog: 🍝🍝🍝

shake_my_spear: this feels like I'm watching a movie

Richie processed that for a second. Taking it in. He blinked once and just stared at his screen -he'd said it so casually. It shot through his heart.

Our house.

"Yeah, of course," he finally said, laughing a little, "-I would've just made a fucking dirt fort anyway."

"Ew," Eddie frowned (Richie could almost see the shrivel of his nose).

"If you, um," Richie pressed his lips together, maybe a little awkwardly, "-If you need any supplies, tell me, and I'm fucking on it."

Eddie waited a second, like he was thinking, "Could you get me some flowers? It's kinda fucking plain as shit over here."

Fuck, Richie would get them all. For him. For Eddie. God. I love him, I love you, I love you-

"Aye, aye, captain!" Richie chimed instead, saluting (even though Eddie could not see it).

"Stop fucking saluting," Eddie chastised, "-I know you're doing it. It's such a stupid bit-"

Richie laughed -decidedly still saluting, "Sir, yes, sir!"

"Did you do it again?" Eddie asked, accusingly. Like he could see him straight through the screen. Like he knew him so well, and he fucking did-

"Maybe."

Eddie let out something between a sigh and a laugh (or a hidden laugh, he definitely tried to hide it), "You're an idiot."

Richie grinned, a big wide cheesy grin like it was just the two of them. Like he was right fucking in front of him. Like Eddie was there, and he wasn't-

Fuck. He was so fucking far away-

Stan interrupted the thought, "Hey, Rich, do have any extra sticks? I wanna build a fishing rod and get away from all that shit."

Richie looked toward Bev's rough shape of a house. It was only just started, but her and Ben seemed to be working together on it. Maybe they were taking a break? And Bill wasn't anywhere to be seen, he assumed he'd gone into a nearby ravine (that Richie had almost fallen into and died like three fucking times).

"Awe, Stanthony doesn't want to be a third wheel?" Richie cooed, patronizingly.

"For you or them," Stan clarified, before reiterating, "-Sticks?"

"I get 50% of the good loot," Richie remarked, throwing some out of his inventory, "-which I know you fucking get from enough fishing."

"25%," Stan stated like it wasn't even a debate, "-because you could fucking fish yourself."

"Fine," Richie conceded.

"Yeah, thanks," Stanley commented passively, before going towards the nearest water source.

When he turned around, he didn't expect his one chest to triple. But it had.

Richie furrowed his eyebrows, watching as Eddie (Steve really) went through the line -opening each one for a moment and then moving down. He pressed his lips together and tilted his head.

"Uh," Richie tried, "-Eds?"

"Yeah?" Eddie replied, unmoving in his cycle.

"What-" Richie started, staring, "-What are you doing?"

"Sorting the chests," Eddie responded -frankly, "-fucking obviously."

Richie hummed, "You know you're gonna have to pick all that shit back up to put it into the house, right?"

"No," Eddie retorted, plainly, "-you're gonna have to pick all this shit up and put it in the house. And then, I'll organize it again."

"Eddie baby, I will do that for you, don't get me wrong, but-" Richie pointed out, "-that's still double the work for you."

Eddie didn't flinch, not even looking up, "I don't mind."

Richie pursed his lips before shrugging, and retorting -flat and nasally, "Yes, dear."

"Haha, hilarious-" Eddie mocked, still busy, "-Didn't I ask for fucking flowers, dickweed?"

Richie repeated, even more nasally (it was almost Squidward), "Yes, dear."

"You're such a-"

The rest of the stream was much calmer, just slow little builds. Richie did eventually join Bill in the mines, where they had quite a harrowing adventure. Including landing in one block of water, fighting six skeletons at once, uncovering a mob spawn, and finding the fucking WARDEN (which Richie did not know about until Bill saw it)-

That did, in fact, kill them. But Richie went back to a finished house, perfectly organized chests, and well... Eddie, so, he counts it as a win.

benny.boy.official ✔️

that was really fun, guys !!!

mike.me.up ✔️

yeah, I miss our group streams

reddy.bevvy ✔️

we def have to do more

big.bill ✔️

Yeah, pretty sure this kick-started my yearly Minecraft phase.

Richie was about to type out a message, when he got another notification.

e.kaspbrak

Hey, Rich.

Can we talk in this chat?

Richie frowned for a second.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

yeah of course eds

why ?

everything okay ?

Richie stared at the bubbles for a few more seconds, watching as they typed and retyped. Until, they just disappeared. He frowned again, ready to follow up-

e.kaspbrak is calling

He flinched at the noise, taking a second. What the fuck is happening? Even still, he clicked answer -unhesitatingly.

Before he could even open his mouth, Eddie was talking.

"You should come get me next week."

Richie blinked, "What?"

"Come get me next week, Thursday," Eddie clarified like it would make more sense when he repeated it.

"Eds," he laughed, "-you have like two weeks left of the month-"

"I know what I said, dipshit," Eddie replied -biting back, "-Things change and they fucking have."

Richie felt like the words were lodged in his throat.

"Do you not-" Eddie started up, hesitantly, "-Do you not want me there earlier? Or-"

"Eds, I would bring you here right now if I could," Richie explained, instantly (Eddie was not thinking that for one more fucking second), "-I would get into my car at 3 am if you wanted me to-"

Eddie interrupted, bitterly (in a caring kinda way), "You are not fucking doing that."

"-I just don't want you to fucking... regret it."

"Regret what?" Eddie asked, genuinely.

"I don't know-" Richie started, "-moving in with me, not waiting the full month, fucking anything, Eds. I don't know if I... I don't know if I could handle you regretting a single fucking thing."

Eddie was silent for a second. And it made Richie debate the biting his nails habit again. They were actually pretty healthy, so he thought might've really fucked them up-

"Richie," he began, carefully, "-that stupid fucking game made me realize... that I was just wasting fucking time."

Richie fell silent. For once.

"I don't-" Eddie cleared his throat, "-I don't wanna be in New York anymore. I wanna fucking be with you. So fucking badly that sometimes it physically hurts."

Something curled up in his chest, and Richie felt a little like crying. The good kind, he should say.

"And I know that I just fucking said a month, but it's just-" Eddie let out a long sigh, "-That stupid game, you were right fucking there. And I want you right fucking there all the time."

God, he was fucking crying. Maybe he'd even get to ugly crying if Eddie kept this shit up.

"When the fuck have I done the shit that I want?" Eddie echoed out, "-Ever? So I'm gonna fucking do it. You're gonna show up at my doorstep whether you fucking like it or not-"

Richie laughed and it was a little teary. God, I fucking love him. So much.

"-and I'm going to San Francisco. Because this shit sucks, and I wanna be there. With you, and your dumb fucking jokes, and your fucking shitty ass shirts, and your crooked as fuck smile, and your... just... just everything."

Yeah, okay, here comes the ugly crying.

"Fuck, Eds," Richie laughed, sniffling, "-you can't just pull all that shit out on me again. Last time you did I fucking confessed my love for you. What the fuck am I supposed to do now-"

"Come and fucking get me," Eddie replied simply.

"Yeah, okay," Richie breathed out, shaky, "-Thursday."

"I changed my fucking mind," Eddie erupted again, somehow sharp and happy (Eddie did that a lot), "-come tomorrow. Start your trip tomorrow."

"What the fuck?" Richie laughed, fucking elated (had he ever been elated in his fucking life?), "-Tomorrow?"

"Yes," Eddie affirmed, "-I'm already gonna have to wait like 5 days for you to fucking get here. So tomorrow."

"Shit, okay, yeah," Richie grinned, "-tomorrow. I gotta do so much shit-"

"Let me guess, you haven't even thought about packing?" Eddie chastised.

"Eds, I had weeks," Richie countered, "-Why would I pack fucking weeks in advance?"

"I have," Eddie offered.

"Spaghetti, I love you, I do," Richie chimed, "-but you're a little freak of nature."

"I am average fucking height, dickweed-"

"Not in America," Richie contradicted, in a sort of sing-songy tone, "-Also fucking love that you're only arguing the little part."

"I fully acknowledge that I'm a freak," Eddie explained, "-because you love me and you know that. So, it's pretty fucking irrelevant at this point."

"Is that all that matters?" Richie laughed.

"Yeah," Eddie answered (like it was obvious), "-you've already said that you're gonna take care of me. And that fucking includes the freakiness. Nothing else matters."

Just you and me, Richie's mind hummed -calm and quiet, Just you and me.

"Yeah, Eds," Richie agreed, grinning, "-nothing else matters."

#reddie #watchoutwriting #reddie fanfiction #reddie fic #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it chapter 2 #it chapter one #reddie fluff #the losers club #streamer au #achievement unlocked 🔓

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princesstillyenna · 1 year ago

Note

Before puck drop on the conference finals… group chat wellness check? Especially the Oilers and Maple Leafs. I don’t think there are any Bruins in the gc but watching them hug Bergeron as they left the ice was rough

YOU COME HERE? INTO MY HOUSE BLOG and ask me about the FEELINGS OF THE BRUINS????

No fr fr tho I did see that handshake line and it was very sad.

BUT a wellness check... and a couple of lil spoilers for upcoming gc

Gabe's in surgery - he's recovering, poor Baberiel.

EJ's down in Cali with Paul, holed up and trying not to think about the future.

JT is feeling like the WORLDS WORST CAPTAIN because obviously if he were a BETTER CAPTAIN the leafs would have made it further (he's wrong. It wasn't on him)

Freddie is stressed. Because he NEEDS to prove that he can make it in the postseason but he's not getting as many starts as he WANTS, but also he's won way more games than he's lost. So overall. He's ok

Auston is in carolina, hiding in Fred's apartment. Being his biggest cheerleader and being secretly grateful that they never had to play 5OT

Jacky is mourning the loss of his tooth. Also playoffs are HARD why did nobody tell him that playoff hockey was hard? I mean, obviously he figured it out pretty quickly, but yeah, that's so fucking different to regular season hockey... why did nobody mention it? (spoiler alert, they did)

JSoup is very happy about Jacky's lil tooth gap which he thinks is the cutest thing ever. He lowkey doesn't care about not making it any further because honestly, he wasn't getting the starts and he wasn't expecting the starts and he never knows where he's gonna be, maybe it'll be a cup contender, maybe it won't, he's just along for the ride.

Leon and Connor are fighting, because one of them thinks that they should head down to Florida to support Matthew even though they've only just been kicked out of the playoffs themselves, and the other one thinks they should give themselves a couple of weeks together to lick their metaphorical wounds and just be with each other. It is not the way round we expect.

Jeff is cheering on Carolina like he's never cheered any team on before and if you ask him he'll say it's just because they're his old teammates but truly it's because he just wants the panthers to lose...

Sid and Nate had a brief moment of "should we just go to worlds?" and then decided they were far too old and are on holiday in the sunshine working on their golf

Dylan and Alex are in Toronto chilling with the fam and generally enjoying the off season

Tyler is playing his lil socks off

Matthew is....... Matthew is pretty convinced he's walking around in a dream because none of this actually feels REAL right now. Oh, and also he learnt to advocate for himself a little bit, with some help from his boyfriend

Ritter - is in florida, enjoying "the sun" ;)

Willy and Latts are holed up in their cabin

Jeff and Richie are holed up in THEIR cabin

Danny and Claude would LOVE to be holed up in the cabin, except, well... there are children to look after and they're working hard to give Ryanne a break

Cale is... struggling. Because OK he could feel the team was different from last year but, but, they were the fucking reigning champs, and they lost? In the first round? And he needs to TALK about it, but... he doesn't feel he can talk to Carter because, well, it's a bit shitty to COMPLAIN about losing IN THE PLAYOFFS to someone who's not MADE the playoffs for the past few years

Bobby Lu is having the time of his life

Kaner is sulking. This year did NOT go to plan. Also he's now a UFA... what's with that, he could play ANYWHERE? That's not how hockey's supposed to work... he's a hockey GOD... he's supposed to STILL BE IN THE PLAYOFFS and also he'd very much like to stay in NY please, but he doesn't think that's likely to happen and he really REALLY wants to blame Vladi Tarasenko, if only the fucker wasn't so nice....

Jonny is... dealing with Sulky Peeks. And Baby Pat. And he's still sick, because chronic illness doesn't just Go Away and he's having to make tough decisions and if Peeks could stop trying to make himself the centre of the universe for just one minute... you'd think he'd be used to that by now

Key is having Big Confusing Feelings... nothing new there then. He's in his research era. We stan a man with footnotes.

#I just found this in my drafts #group chat shit #gcu

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greenorangevioletgrass · 1 year ago

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OKAY SO when i said my thoughts around carmy and bradley werent coherent at all I meant that quite literally 😭 i havent thought about it in detail aside from the rough idea BUT if i have to expand on it i’d say it could be something along the lines of denim through the decades? or taking into account what you said about james dean/marlo brando i think it would be fun to see a campaign centered around iconic moments of denim in pop culture too. Maybe recreating some movie sets and outfits and such.

BUT im also thinking something a lot more chill bc ik recreating movie sets n stuff can be 1) a hassle and 2) a lil cheesy, so considering that the people involved in the campaign would be people with an interest in vintage denim n such i was thinking about levis incorporating some vintage pieces from personal collections. Picture one of the countless denims carmy stores inside his oven (sob) or one of bradley’s staples too. Mix that with a limited edition line of ‘brought from the past’ jeans, jackets, etc. and i think itd be golden.

By no means am I a denim expert, I’m talking out of my ass here after a few minutes of research LMFAO but its fun to think about it.

I’m sure carmy would be WAYYY more hesitant to participate than bradley. The latter is probably ecstatic and doesnt let his manager (im guessing levis would be in contact with his manager) finish. As soon as the words levis and collab leave his mouth, Bradley's sold.

I think carmy would be interested in working with levis, a little flattered that they considered him. Maybe taken aback too bc im guessing he’s a very private person and doesnt talk much about his denim collection and such so levi’s def did their research lol. Still, i think he was going to turn them down and then Sugar and Syd found out and tried to convince him bc ‘its levis, u gotta say yes’ but it didnt exactly work and in the end it was Richie who replied to the email with something along the lines ‘id be honoured to be a part of the campaign’ or smth weird in his attempt to impersonate carmen.

With the two of them on set, i quite frankly don’t know if they would interact or how that interaction would go. Think carmy might be too nervous to properly interact bc its a hectic environment. Maybe bradley saw him all closed up and semi alone and decided to strike a conversation with him, talking about denim and such. What do you think?

BTW im so sorry about the typos i keep making, i only notice after you respond LMFAO i swear my english is good, promise.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!! thank you so much for indulging me 😭😭 and no worries, i feel like we’re speaking in a language beyond english where we’re just throwing concepts at each other and we actually understand it. it’s beautiful.

i totally get it that recreating movie sets is a lot. what they can do is recreate looks inspired by these iconic movies (like james dean in rebel without a cause—carmy would look great in that!) they can do a studio shoot or an outdoor city shoot like JAW’s CK campaign (still not over that btw skshsjdhsj)

ok hear me out: carmy is reserved in his private life but i feel like deep down he likes being the golden boy. remember his monologue abt smoking ppl out wherever he works? and just the way he steps up to lead and plays up to people who wanna hear what he wants to say. i feel like with the restaurant on the rise, he’s bound to have done some interviews, and on one of them he went on a hyperfixation-fueled tangent abt vintage denim like the first episode.

and you’re so right, it still would take him a lot of nudging and jostling to say yes. i loooove the idea of richie very eloquently replying to the email and making carmy sound very eager and cordial 🤭 (i imagine he would be a very short emailer/texter if he ever does reply)

with carmy, i feel like it’s not so much that he dislikes hectic environments (how much more hectic can his kitchen get, right?) but it’s the kind of hectic that he can’t control. and it drives him nuts, and he’d take smoke breaks often and eventually, bradley goes with him although he doesn’t smoke. he’d say that he has been to noma a few times and he enjoyed it and they bonded over restaurants and food and all. he’d love to visit the bear some time, to which carmy is like “of course let me know anytime you’re in town”

(Bradley thinks carmy is one of the coolest people he’s ever met. Carmy thinks for someone who’s that famous, Bradley is super chill.)

#this is an unlikely duo that i am INTO #bradley bradshaw #carmy berzatto #carmy & bradley crossover #fx the bear #top gun maverick #footballer!bradley #ask ava

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blackghostm2o · 2 years ago

Text

Lately I’ve been reading Hellblazer for the 1st time and I’ve just finished issue #27: I’m really enjoying it, it’s really particular and sometimes strange.

My thoughts of some issues (probable SPOILERS ahead)

#13 (nightmare iirc): it is so bizzarre, I know it wasn’t supposed to be funny, but honestly I’ve laughed like and idiot while reading it (especially when the two headed seal was born, mostly because I am deranged and I immediately thought of a part of the “Divine Comedy”, pliz don’t ask me why)

#1/2 (mnemoth): Really liked it, R.I.P. Larry, John is a fucking bastard, but the the type that I like (at least he felt bad) and he was a pathetic lil meow meow (plz don’t kill me people)

#11: (Newcastle): Mucous membrane is a really unusual name for a band. Also John is an idiot for doing that, like… Man… Calling a demon to fight another demon without having a lot of experience? Really risky, but he is a gambler after all, so it checks out, I guess... Also R.I.P. the lil girl.

All the Resurrection crusade and Damnation army thing: I know that he didn’t have much choice but c’mon… leaving Zed, a woman that he loved, to die like that? Also those bastards killed Ray, fuck them and their shitty cult. I’m glad that John could save his niece, Zed did good to that hideous strangler, but I feel bad for the other girls. The 4 dudes fused tougher that destroyed each other for football stuff were hilarious. I loved how John was haunted by his dead friends and his grief, I really liked seeing him as a broken man. I also loved the way John killed Nergal using the computer world with the help of Richie, but Richie taking Constantine’s body and John bluffing (at least I thought he was, idk) to take us back was magnificent lol

The Fear machine: pretty interesting, I wanted him to just live pace fully with Mercury and Marj, but that’s not possible. The fear thing has a really cool design and it’s also disgusting. Zed is alive!!! But that cult (?) is really strange. John chained to the tree and left there was unintentionally funny, but the whole egg thing was strange. I felt bad for the dude that stabbed his own eyes and for all the ones sacrificed by that “butcher” (the gays and the Russian, but the director deserved it). Towards the end I was finding it a bit boring but the all hell was let loose.

The thing with book characters taking Larry (?): Ok… A bit confusing, but I loved how they portrayed Hamlet. I don’t feel pity for the dude that was addicted to bargain after reading the family man chapter

#25/26: I really liked the art. The story was enjoyable. I further think that it’s better for people to not be Constantine’s friend, my goodness almost all of them end up badly.

#27: Have you ever wanted to eat an artsyle? I loved it’s art wow, idk why but the sketch looks was really great. The story is really simple, but I really liked it’s ending, Jacko just wanted an hug and John was just: “Aight”

Wasn’t expecting to see people from the LGBTQ+ and they are just normal fellows (I really liked what Rey said about aids since he was right), I was pleasantly surprised (because of the comic’s age)

Sorry for the rant and thanks if you read the whole thing.

#hellblazer #long reads #long post #sorry for the rant #john constantine #long text

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yeschefthankyouchef · 1 year ago

Text

wow would you look at that i’m behind again! life simply does not slow down sometimes and i have been absolutely itching to read these updates, ya girl is sick as a dog rn and finally ready to dig in🤠

there was so much i loved about this chapter - one of the most notable being the relationships you’ve built up between baby and the others. there is something so human about this fic that keeps me coming back, and i think it boils down to your attention to world and relationship building outside of the “main” storyline.

“She would find him just standing in the restaurant, sometimes eyes staring into nothing as he worried the pendant between his fingers, oftentimes raising it to his lips before letting it go completely and wandering to do whatever task needed to be done.”

this chapter is destroying me already in the absolute best possible way. the image of him raising the pendent TO HIS LIPS has me weak in the mf knees sjsjsjssjsjsj

“Using his sister's obvious discomfort to deflect from the conversation she was insistent on having wasn’t the nicest thing to do, but he’d rather put his sister’s well-being before being forced to think about how long it had been since he last spoke to you; he last saw you.”

he is such an avoidant king

“It’s been trademarked for years, whoever filed has all legal rights to the name.”

OH MY GOD i am so giddy rn i can’t wait to read his reaction when he finds out baby owns the legal rights

“as the years passed by he knew it was a desire he himself had”

ohhhhh boy he is going to be devastated when he finds out

“All I’m sayin’ is Mikey didn’t trademark it whoever did might…I dunno hypothetically deserve an apology in return for said documents.”

if richie has 1000 fans i am one of them, if richie has 1 fan it’s me, if richie has no fans i am DEAD😤 i love and adore the way you write richie - the sass, the love, the big brother vibes - i just eat it all right up

“Carmy was at his wits end with the older man “Oh so you’re the fucking Riddler now.”

i am laughing so hard rn, he’s just lil dumb boy

“Maybe he did know what love was supposed to feel like, because for all the time he had been in love with you, he had never once felt so completely and utterly broken as he had been since not fighting for your love a year ago like he should have.”

this line is absolutely beautiful, i had to put my phone down for a minute and just hold my head in my hands to process before moving on

“Cat’s out of the bag! Our pregnancy is no longer top secret!”

HE FUCJING WOULD BE REFER TO IT AS “OUR PREGNANCY” THIS IS SO ON BRAND AHSJDJSJS

“Nat’s my partner you know? And I’m so grateful for her providing me the opportunity to be a father. Allowing me to build with her, for us to come together and bring a child into this world, it’s a beautiful thing I love her ya know.”

the only man that is allowed to refer to it as “our pregnancy” because he is doing it in the most wholesome way. i am such a pete defender and i love you for adding an entire pete scene, he simply did not get enough screen time imo

“Wow, it really will be a Baby shower!”

this is so cute omg, he’s already making dad jokes🥹

“Nat she uh…she confided in me about how she always wanted to be the one to throw you a shower if you ever decided to have children. And if-when we had our own she’d want you to be in charge of hers…if you wanted to not like she would force you.”

it could be that i am loopy on cold medicine but i have literal tears in my eyes over this, what a beautiful show of friendship and womanhood. nat deserves this and i’m so proud of baby for putting aside her pain to do it for her.

“I just, whatever is going on between you and Carmen, it’s affecting Nat. And she won’t tell you because you deserve to feel how you feel, but with the baby and the restaurant…she doesn’t need to play "Fix it Felix” with you and Carmen right now.”

he is so male wife and the absolute biggest defender of nat, i think everyone deserves a pete in their corner

**OMG I JUST HAD A THOUGHT - have you seen the barbie movie? bc pete is so allen coded

“A part of you ached at how happy Pete was, if things were different, maybe in another life you would’ve been able to see that excitement on another man’s face.”

i am throwing up

“Damn ma, that shits kinda sad.”

he is so me

“I know you have issues with girls actually having your number…Sorry, that was actually kind of rude.”

it may be rude, but it is NOT uncalled for

“You were so blissfully unaware that since he could remember, you had been the one and only option in his mind.”

i am kicking my feet and giggling rn - this! is! it!! this is what we’ve been waiting for!!! oh god everything has been building to this and i can’t believe we’re almost to some calmer waters (if carmy can manage to not fuck it up again)

“i apologize that this is a bit of a filler chapter but it felt kinda necessary idk”

i will not sit here and allow you to call the absolutely necessary bridge chapter “filler” that i loved with my whole heart and soul, i simply will not allow the slander❌

chapter seven | they know i believed in us last week

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!pete x fem!reader | male!oc x fem!reader |

summary: carmy struggles to deal with your absence in his life, while you finally learn to live without him.

wc: 7.3k

song rec: i'll still have me - cyn, aquilo

semi-edited/proof-read

“Carm hey, are you listening?” Natalie’s eyes flitted across Carmy’s face, his blank eyes staring directly past her. She took this moment as a chance to take in her younger brother’s ragged appearance, at first glance he looked like he normally did; exhausted. But taking the time to really study him, she knew Carmy was doing worse than he’d ever admit.

His usual textured and fluffy hair was limp against his head, the greasy quality of it proving he needed a wash. The discoloration under his eyes was the worst Nat had seen it, the deep blue-purple bruising a sign that he was getting even less sleep than he usually did. The skin of his lips was dehydrated and bitten to pieces, a tick he had as a child that gradually calmed down as he grew older. And the visible stubble on his chin was enough to know that the absence of your presence in his life was hitting him harder than anyone expected.

Her eyes caught on the chain that was haphazardly peeking out of his shirt, squinting at the newly added pendant hanging from it. Natalie didn’t have to be a genius to know whose initial hung around Carmen’s neck, the chain which was usually safely tucked into his shirt was now blatantly on show for everyone to see. Natalie had noticed it more recently since your and Carmy’s argument, though this was her first time seeing it this close. She would find him just standing in the restaurant, sometimes eyes staring into nothing as he worried the pendant between his fingers, oftentimes raising it to his lips before letting it go completely and wandering to do whatever task needed to be done.

Natalie’s concern was palpable but the discomfort in her abdomen was worse. “Have you tried talking to her?” The shaky breath she let out filtered between the two of them.

Carmen’s eyes finally snapped to hers taking in the uncomfortable expression on her face, “Sug?” He waited for Nat to focus on him. “You good?” The question hung in the air as Natalie tried to even out her breathing.

Using his sister's obvious discomfort to deflect from the conversation she was insistent on having wasn’t the nicest thing to do, but he’d rather put his sister’s well-being before being forced to think about how long it had been since he last spoke to you; he last saw you.

Carmy watched as Sug raised a closed hand to her mouth suppressing the urge to gag. “Yeah good, I’m good.” The forced smile on her lips did nothing to fool Carmy, but he wouldn’t force the issue.

“Can you uh, explain to me again how we’re doing, I spaced.” His fingers raised to run through his hair a small grimace painting his face at the grime he could feel left behind on his fingertips.

“Seven weeks out, Carm, and still so much to be done,” An exhausted sigh breathed through Natalie’s lips. The stress opening this restaurant caused felt extremely unnecessary considering her current status.

“No yeah I heard that,” Carmy nodded his head rapidly, Sug’s words slowly coming back to him. He squinted his eyes, hand scratching the grown-out stubble on his chin. “You uh said something about the DBA getting rejected?”

“About that.” Natalie’s voice trailed off one hand pressing into her abdomen to ease the ache, “The name’s taken.”

Nat watched as Carmy processed the words, her discomfort felt like it was increasing as the seconds passed by.

“Who the fuck could’ve taken the name?” The idea perplexed Carmy. There was no chance another business could have the same name, well there was, it was just slim as hell.

Nat shrugged just as confused as Carmy “It’s been trademarked for years, whoever filed has all legal rights to the name.”

“Fuck me!” The pitch of Carmy’s voice rose along with his irritation.

Natalie’s own mumbled expletive was drowned out by Carmy’s outburst, the nauseating morning sickness she was experiencing came in an extra hard bout today.

“Yo, Sug…Sug. You sure you’re okay?” Carmy’s concern now outweighed his confusion, Nat’s weird behavior this whole morning was beginning to worry him.

“I can do this Carmy right, tell me I can do this.” Natalie’s breathing began to increase as a slight panic flooded through her. Carmy watched her with wide eyes, no idea what she could even be talking about.

“Tell me I can do it, Carm!” The wave of nausea subsided with her yell, Carmy’s hands raised in the air to divert blame.

“Fuck okay! You can do it Sug.”

“I am…completely terrified. And I’m only telling you because..I don’t know. Just-just in case.” Natalie nodded to herself as a way to provide her nerves with courage.

Carmy just stared at Natalie still not following where she was leading this conversation to.

“I really want this to be loving and good and happy,” A smile rose to Nat’s face “I just..I don’t want anyone to know…well besides Baby and now you.”

Carmy’s eyes focused on Sug’s abdomen, the pieces of the puzzle slowly fitting together in his head. The name she spoke felt like it was echoing through his ears.

“Sure” He wasn’t sure how to react to the news, he had always assumed Natalie would be the first of the siblings to start a family. And as the years passed by he knew it was a desire he himself had.

“I really don’t want Richie to know. Because somehow, it feels more in my control when and who knows…” The sound of the wall falling caused Nat to raise her voice as she finished her sentence. “That I’m pregnant.” Her final words were spoken just loud enough to alert the crew to her news.

“I fuckin’ knew it.” The sound of Richie’s shout grated on Nat’s nerves, but the quiet congratulations helped to ease her ire a bit.

Carmy was happy for Sugar, but it felt like it was setback after setback for the restaurant and all the personal issues he was dealing with weren't helping his stress. He felt his shoulders sag a bit mind racing as to how the name could already be trademarked, or who would’ve trademarked it.

His eyes found Richie’s as the man cajoled about how he knew Natalie was pregnant this whole time. Had Richie told someone the name and they took it for themselves? Did Mikey somehow trademark it while on a bender? The thought made Carmy’s head hurt what the fuck even was the point of opening this restaurant if they couldn’t use the name. The name was the epitome of the restaurant.

If you were here Carmy knew you would've given him an analogy for how he was feeling, you would’ve told him he was like Atlas holding up the sky or whatever he did. He shook his head trying to rid himself of thoughts of you, it wasn’t helping him in the least.

As much as he’d rather not converse with Richie, he needed to get to the bottom of this trademark business.

“Yo, Cousin!” The words felt wrong escaping Carmy’s lips the two men avoided each other in the same way you avoided Carmen.

The agitation on Richie’s face was instant, Carmy knew he fucked up with you, but the cold shoulder he was getting from Richie felt unnecessary.

Nat watched as the two men locked eyes, not too keen on playing referee for these two again. She looked in Carmy’s direction as Richie began making his way over, trying to gauge what was going through her little brother's mind.

“Carmen,” Richie nodded in acknowledgment to Carmy. Richie would be lying if he said he wasn’t purposefully using Carmy’s government name to rile him up, he knew how much Carmy hated it when you did it, and since you weren’t here someone had to uphold the tradition.

Carmy felt his eye twitch Richie’s immaturity since the argument with you felt never-ending. “Did Mikey ever trademark the name?”

Richie frowned looking between him and Nat the assumption that he had any goddamn clue laughable “What the fuck did Mikey look like trademarking shit? Wasn’t I just slangin’ crack to keep the lights on?”

Carmy’s eyes shut as Nat let out a quiet gasp, watching as Richie raised his hands in defense. Maybe running a back alley drug ring wasn’t the best for business, but without it, they may not have been in this moment renovating the restaurant.

“Well someone fucking trademarked it, Richie.” The attitude Carmy was catching was wholly unwelcome.

“I don’t like your tone, Carmen,” Richie matched Carmy’s energy giving him what he was getting. “All I’m sayin’ is Mikey didn’t trademark it whoever did might…I dunno hypothetically deserve an apology in return for said documents.”

Carmy was at his wits end with the older man “Oh so you’re the fucking Riddler now.”

“Baby trademarked the name?” Nat’s voice traveled between the trio at the same time as Carmen’s snarky remark. Carmy’s head shot to her, confused as to how she concluded you had anything to do with the conversation at hand.

“Bingo!” Richie’s hands came together in a loud clap Sydney rolled her eyes at the obnoxious man before looking over the various work orders. “She did that shit years ago and gave it to Mikey as a present, he…left it for her when he passed.”

A quiet fell over their small group, each of them taking in the gesture. Richie had only become privy to the present when he went through the office to try and make sense of what the hell Mikey was doing to keep the business up and running. He had knocked a framed picture of your group off the desk cleaning up the mess only to find the folded trademark document in the back of the broken picture frame.

Your name was haphazardly scribbled into the back of it.

Carmen’s chest heaved as he let the news wash over him, it seemed since the two of you had your falling out the universe was continuously pushing him to interact with you. He raised his hand to his face, rubbing it up and down as he added another item to the long list of things going wrong with the restaurant.

In a way, learning that you were responsible for trademarking the name made Carmy’s chest feel warm. It felt like you wanted this for Mikey just as much as he did, the two of you both supporting Mikey in ways the other never knew. It also gave him an excuse to speak with you, not that he needed one. If he was a better man he would’ve already worked up the courage to reach out to you. He could feel a headache coming on the more he thought about trying to fix things with you.

Carmen was sure he’d figure things out soon, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could figure things out with you not by his side. Which he would admit was quite ironic considering all the times he had willingly pushed you away. But being pushed away by you had proven to him just how badly he was screwing things up with you, to hear you be so upset by his actions he basically forced you into confessing your love stung him to his core.

Carmy wasn’t exactly sure what love was supposed to feel like, but he was almost positive it wasn’t this. The ache in his chest from not being around you, looking for you in every crowd he was in. Soaking up any conversation your name was mentioned in. Maybe he did know what love was supposed to feel like, because for all the time he had been in love with you, he had never once felt so completely and utterly broken as he had been since not fighting for your love a year ago like he should have.

“That was Nat,” you looked up as Pete returned to the table, a smile growing on your face at how happy he looked to have been speaking with his wife. “Cat’s out of the bag! Our pregnancy is no longer top secret!”

Pete’s excitement was contagious, your smile growing wider at his pure joy. “Our pregnancy?” You chuckled never having heard anyone refer to it as if the pregnancy was shared.

You watched as Pete sipped the water in front of him, a signature goofy smile back on his face. “Of course! I mean yeah Nat is carrying the baby, but I’m just as pregnant as she is.” You gave Pete a confused look, a laugh bubbling out of you.

“You laugh now Baby, but I’m serious.” Pete paused as the waiter brought out the bread for your table, both of you quickly thanking them. “Nat’s my partner you know? And I’m so grateful for her providing me the opportunity to be a father. Allowing me to build with her, for us to come together and bring a child into this world, it’s a beautiful thing I love her ya know.”

The sheen in Pete’s eyes was enough to make you emotional you didn’t need to hear his explanation to know how much Pete loved Natalie, you could just see it in the way he looked at her, in the way his face would light up when anyone would mention her name or ask about her.

“I’m happy that Nat has someone like you to build a life with.” Both you and Pete shared misty-eyed smiles, chuckles leaving each of you at how emotional the small things made both of you.

“Looks like that dinner you were planning just turned into a full-blown baby shower!” The loud clap Pete’s hands made startled you. “Wow, it really will be a Baby shower!”

You watched as Pete laughed at his own pun, doing your best not to laugh along with him and encourage his bad jokes. The relationship you developed with Pete was a bit weird in the beginning, you weren’t the most open to the idea, and it’s not because you didn’t like Pete, it just felt like you were replacing Mikey.

It took a while before you could look at Pete and realize he wasn’t trying to replace Mikey’s role in your life, and that the drugs and paranoia had driven you to that conclusion. Pete was a great man, standing by Natalie’s side while she fought to keep you alive. Probably being more accepting than someone else may have been when he and Nat decided to help you. Pete and Natalie both put aside their own lives to help you get better, and get back on your feet, and while part of you wished Mikey was around to ground you as well, Pete’s love and kindness didn’t deserve to be taken for granted.

“That dinner was supposed to be a surprise for you too Peter,” you shot him a tiny glare before reaching for some bread. “I just wanted you both to have a nice night off together, no stress.” The reservation had already been made, but thinking about Pete’s words and the excitement when explaining most everyone knew about the pregnancy, maybe it would have been best for an intimate shower for the two soon-to-be parents.

Pete was definitely a family guy and Natalie came from a big family, maybe a shower would be for the best. Surround them with people who loved and supported them and just allow everyone to bask in the happiness the joyous news brought, you were sure everyone could use a break.

“Okay hypothetically say I put together a small shower for the two of you, is that even something Nat would want?” Sure you knew Nat but Pete was her husband and this was their moment, you didn’t want to ambush her with a party she never wanted.

You watched Pete bristle a little, a nervous smile raised to his lips, “I uh I’m not sure if Nat ever told you but she kinda had this…this whole dream about the two of you,” you frowned confused at what Pete was talking about.

“Well not like an unconscious sleeping dream, more like a-an idea?” Pete’s voice rose at the end of his sentence, not sure if the question in his tone was meant for you or him.

“Pete bud you lost me.” You gave him a small nod of encouragement awaiting his response.

“Um so…after your uh…loss,” a sad smile rose to Pete’s lips, you could see the apology in his eyes. “Nat she uh…she confided in me about how she always wanted to be the one to throw you a shower if you ever decided to have children. And if-when we had our own she’d want you to be in charge of hers…if you wanted to not like she would force you.” The nervous huff of laughter from Pete hung in the air for a minute.

The admission perplexed you, Nat had never brought this up to you directly and maybe it was because she felt like she couldn’t. You weren’t the most open when it came to the topic of your miscarriage always avoiding the conversation whenever Nat tried to breach it.

“Baby…you’re the closest thing Natalie has to a sister. I can promise she would be ecstatic no matter what decision you choose.”

You nodded, the motion happened unconsciously as you tried to take in everything Pete had laid on you. Of course, there were things Nat wouldn’t share with you, but while the two of you were like sisters you didn’t expect her to share every little detail with you. As you let Pete’s words digest you couldn’t help the warm feeling beginning to flood through your body, if you were being honest you weren’t sure if it was the best idea to be throwing anyone a baby shower, but you also knew Natalie deserved to be celebrated, not only for the life she and Pete were creating together, but also for all the work she was doing to ensure that The Bear had a fighting chance.

“Okay,” your head continued its up-and-down motion. “Yeah okay let’s do it but I’m going to need your help, Pete.” You watched the smile on his face increase tenfold, your own wide smile spreading your lips due to how contagious Pete’s joy was.

“Anything and I mean anything Baby, I am your guy.” Pete’s giddiness warmed you even more, you didn’t think you had ever been surrounded by anyone with such a positive attitude before. In the beginning, when Natalie and Pete first began dating, his electric personality was a bit much but you found yourself always trying to make Pete feel included, especially with how off-putting the rest of the Berzatto clan could be.

And when you were recovering it was almost like you had to re-acclimate yourself to Pete’s personality. Your recovery was hard, there were some days you weren’t even sure if you wanted to get better or if you wanted oxygen to continue filling your lungs. But Pete was so positive and always looking at life and your situation with a ‘glass half full’ mentality, that his constant belief in you helped to make the hard days easier.

A small sigh escaped your lips as you readied yourself for the question you were about to ask. “Pete, do you think you could give me Carmen’s number?” You tried not to roll your eyes as you saw Pete’s own light up, you were almost positive he would be telling Nat about this topic of conversation. “Before you get any ideas, I just need it to invite him to the shower.” You raised your hands in defense hoping Pete wouldn’t look into this any more than he already was.

“No can do B, the idea train has already left the station.” His fingers drummed on the table with excitement. “But I will do you one better,” you frowned as you watched Pete pick up his phone, fingers skating across the screen before he held it up to show you. A call to Carmen already going through as Pete sent you a thumbs-up.

You looked at the screen eyes wide, the shock temporarily paralyzed for a moment. The quiet sound of the ringing between the two of you brought you back. “Pete! Hang up the phone.” Your voice was terse as you spoke trying not to draw too much attention from other patrons.

Pete laughed, “He never answers my calls anyway.” Pete’s words irritated you, but you were glad to see the call go to voicemail before Pete pressed the end call button and set his phone down.

You let out a surprised laugh, Pete had definitely been too influenced by the Berzattos during his time with Natalie. The little stunt he just pulled was something you knew both Richie and Mikey would do if given the chance.

“Baby?” Your head raised eyes meeting Pete’s, “I know this may sound selfish, but I…I need you to figure out this thing between you and Carmen.” Your eyebrows furrowed the need to defend yourself hitting you full force, you opened your mouth to respond but stopped as Pete raised his hand, a signal to let him continue.

“I know Baby, I know. I’ll be honest with you, as much as I love Nat’s family I think you should’ve given up on Carmen a long time ago.” Your jaw fell slack, and Pete’s eyes widened a bit. “No, no just for your own wellbeing, your peace of mind.” You began nodding as Pete explained himself better. “I just, whatever is going on between you and Carmen, it’s affecting Nat. And she won’t tell you because you deserve to feel how you feel, but with the baby and the restaurant…she doesn’t need to play "Fix it Felix” with you and Carmen right now.”

You let out a small chuckle at Pete’s explanation, over the years he had begun expressing himself to you more. You being the only one on Natalie’s side who actually gave him the time of day and willfully listened to him, helped him to gain more confidence when around the rest of the Berzattos. You reached for your glass of water, taking a long sip before setting it down.

“Thank you, Pete, for being honest,” you sighed, finger playing with the condensation on your cup. “If I’m being honest, it's easy to forget that Nat’s in the middle of everything. She’s so good at pretending it doesn’t affect her.” A rueful smile rose to your lips, as great as a friend as Natalie had been to you through everything, you weren’t sure the same could be said for yourself. “You’re right, Carmen and I are adults, we should be able to figure this out ourselves. I’ll…I’ll call him, figure things out.” You sent Pete a small smile.

Recently it felt like Natalie and Pete nursed you back to health and then for some reason became your surrogate parents. You didn’t think there was anything wrong with leaning on them, the three of you did endure a traumatic experience together so it was understandable. But maybe you had become too comfortable and relied on them too much to ‘fix’ your life. You could understand where Pete was coming from and he had every right to put his wife’s well-being before the feelings of his friends.

You knew Natalie and Pete would be amazing parents and of course, Nat’s fears were valid. But you had seen firsthand just how loving, caring, and kind the couple was, and while that wasn’t all that went into raising a child it was like a part of you just knew that their child would be in great hands.

“Enough about my poor life choices Pete, have you guys thought of any names?” The timing of the question couldn’t have been more perfect, Pete perked up at the question, eyes glazing over with excitement. A waiter stopped by your table to deliver your entrees as Pete began animatedly explaining his and Nat’s process for picking names.

A part of you ached at how happy Pete was, if things were different, maybe in another life you would’ve been able to see that excitement on another man’s face. Maybe the two of you would’ve come up with your own system for picking out names.

You listened as lunch continued, no matter how many times the thought had crossed your mind, you would always be grateful that Natalie had found a partner to love her in the ways she deserved.

It was silent between you and Cortez as you made your second lap around the block, the church in the distance behind you. Your hands were preoccupied with a warm disposable cup of hot cocoa as Cortez gingerly sipped his choice of tea. This had become the routine for your meetings with your sponsor, the two of you would meet at the bodega a little ways away from the church that housed both AA and NA meetings. Then continue your meeting with a few circles around the block before ending at the church stairs when all was said and done.

The air was tense between the two of you, Cortez hadn’t taken kindly to your decision to skip out on the few check-ins that you had asked for. In the beginning, you were in constant contact with Cortez, feeling the match between the two of you out. As you progressed through recovery and got back into the routine of daily life the daily talks between the two of you began to dwindle as you settled into life as a recovering addict.

But after that initial meeting at The Beef, being in Carmen’s presence again, surrounding yourself with Richie and the life you once knew, the meetings with Cortez picked back up in frequency. And you were doing fine for some time, the man meeting with you when you needed it, always willing to speak with you whenever you asked and it was helpful, god was it helpful. But then you made it to step nine, step eight in the recovery program was its own monster that Cortez helped you through especially when it came to who didn’t need to be on your list.

You made the decision to text Cortez after admitting your faults to Richie. As great as it felt to finally be open with Richie and let him into your life, it also brought with it the urge to use again. Richie had been kind enough to take the bottle of champagne off your hands that night, but the desire to call Fak and ask if Theo had anything he could spare almost won out. But as you scrolled through your contacts the red icon hovering over the voicemail tab brought you back to your senses.

“So your friend Richie knows?” Your eyes shot to Cortez taking in his side profile before focusing back on their attention focused on the steaming paper cup of coffee gripped in their hands.

“Yeah, his daughter kind of spilled the beans.” You nodded playing with the frayed edges of your jeans.

“That’s a bit fucked up don’t cha think?” Cortez’s brows furrowed. “I mean how does his little girl know but he don’t that’s gotta hurt.”

You rolled your eyes, “Aren’t you supposed to like not be judgmental?” Cortez’s laugh felt like it was grating on your ears, as good a sponsor as he was, he had the personality of an annoying older brother you were happy not to have.

“It ain’t even judgment though, it’s an observation.” You didn’t have to be looking at him to know that annoying smirk was on his lips as he shrugged his shoulders.

You stopped as Cortez dropped his now empty cup in a trash bin on the street, “Didn’t know you received your inspector gadget certification.”

“That smart ass mouth is bouta be the reason you out here looking for a new sponsor,” you let out a cackle before taking a much-needed sip of your hot cocoa. “Sound like my daughter with that dumb shit.” If you didn’t know the man who was walking by your side, you would’ve thought he was actually upset, but you could tell by the uptick of his lips he didn’t take anything to heart.

The two of you rounded the corner coming up on the church. You watched as Cortez plopped his long limbs down on one of the steps, opting to sit on the railing. Cortez took out his pack of cigarettes bringing the box to his mouth and removing one before offering the box in your direction. You slipped one out a small laugh escaped you at the irony of everything, how you had once been so against the cancer sticks that those around you would make sure not to smoke around you. And then instead of indulging in a nicotine addiction, you turned to alcohol and prescription pills, the fact that you would smoke a cigarette here and there to appease your urges now felt a bit comical.

You leaned forward allowing Cortez to light your cigarette, “Man ain’t nothin’ like smoking on Big G’s doorstep.” Cortez’s voice filled the silence that had settled over the two of you, you took a drag of the cigarette, a small chuckle escaping you with the smoke.

“I used to hate these fucking things.” The disgust on your face was obvious even as the stick hung from your mouth.

“Why you take one every time I offer 'em’ then?” Cortez switched positions leaning his elbows on the step behind him as he stretched his long limbs out in front of them, offering a wave to the few people entering the church for whatever meeting was scheduled to take place.

You shrugged eyes falling to Cortez’s beat-up boots as you sucked the nicotine deep into your lungs, “They’re the same brand Mikey smoked.”

“Damn ma, that shits kinda sad.” The two of you locked eyes before small laughs left the both of you. You had been around Cortez for so long that you’d picked up on his need to turn most anything into a joke. And while in the beginning, it pissed you off, you realized that’s just who he was and that sometimes being able to laugh in serious moments or at your trauma was helpful.

“Nah seriously though better smokin’ these than messin’ with that shit that hooked you in the first place. Know what I mean?” You nodded, finishing off the cigarette in your hand before taking the second cigarette Cortez offered. You knew how these things went and had spent so much time with the man that you learned to read him. Cortez only ever smoked two cigarettes and offered you two if the conversation was gonna be a rough one.

“Where you at with them apologies?” You sighed letting the man light your cigarette one more time, allowing the fumes to warm your lungs.

You dropped from your seat on the railing, your backside had gone numb. You settled yourself to lean against the railing “I mean I told Richie the truth and there were a lot of apologies in that conversation. But I feel like he deserves a better apology.” You shrugged, your attention dropping to Cortez as he listened.

“Ima be honest wit chu, this might be the hardest part of recovery. Shit I know it was f’me admittin’ to my little girl her father was a fuckin’ junkie. But at the end of the day, you gotta remember this recovery shit is for you. If homeboy loves you like a sister like you say he does, all that should matter to him is that yo annoyin’ ass still here. A’ight, ma?” You listened, nodding along to his words. “All you can do is apologize for the shit you did, you can’t control whether people forgive you or not, and remember ain’t nobody gotta fuck with your apology if they don’t want to.”

You let Cortez’s words settle into you, to anyone else his words may not have seemed genuine but this is just who Cortez was. And you knew no matter how nonchalant he sounded he was speaking every word from his heart.

“You still fuckin with that lil dumbass boy?” The question caused you to choke on the last bit of cocoa in your cup.

“We had a falling out, he’s one of the people I have to apologize to though.” The cigarette between your fingers continued to burn. “There’s a lot I still haven’t told him…the substance abuse, the reasons behind my overdose.” An exhausted sigh pushed its way through your lips. It was like one thing after another when it came to you and Carmy.

“Listen I know we ain’t sposed to have like personal relationships and shit, but lemme know what homeboy looks like I’ll get my goons on em’ for you.” Your head fell back in laughter as Cortez raised his fist to under both of his eyes.

“No goons Cortez, please. Wait, have you ever actually put a hit on somebody before?” You obviously didn’t know Cortez as well as you would have if the two of you were friends. But it wasn’t hard to tell that he would get down if need be.

“Why someone say somethin’?” The two of you shared a laugh, the now more frequent people entering the church signifying that your time together was coming to an end.

“Aight, I gotta head in, get shit set up in there. But ima send you the info for Nar-Anon you give that shit to people who still choose to put up with yo ass. You comin' in?”

You shook your head sending him a small smile, “I came to the morning meetings today.”

You nodded in thanks as Cortez stood up, pushing yourself off the railing. You placed the cigarette between your lips leaving your hands open to do the handshake Cortez insisted you did after each meeting. When he first introduced it you were still getting used to the idea of being a recovering addict and thought he was fucking crazy. But you realized he used it as a way to break the serious desolate feeling that some of these meetings ended on, to help bring some light to what was such a dark reality.

At least that’s how he explained it to you, but you were sure he just liked doing the handshake his daughter helped him come up with.

“Ima see you when I see you ma stay straight.” You chuckled before turning on your heel to head to your parked car. Putting the bud of the cigarette out against the trash bin you passed. It was still early, enough time for you to knock out some baby shower shopping before it got too late.

Carmen stopped in his tracks, eyes finding your figure across the street. You were in front of the church that held the Al-Anon meetings he told you about. Maybe you would be attending the one he was here for, his eyes traveled to the man sitting on the steps you were talking to eyebrows furrowing as he realized the vapors leaving your mouth weren’t from your warm temperature, but instead the stick you had raised to your mouth.

“Baby?” The question left his lips in a quiet whisper, he knew it was you standing across the street but it had been a few weeks since your last interaction he was sure he had imagined you. But he would know you anywhere, by scent alone. He couldn’t help the shock at watching you smoke, something you had been so opposed to since the two of you were children. Even going so far as telling Carmy you couldn’t be friends when he smoked his first cigarette at 15, the stalemate barely lasted a day after you realized how dumb the idea was.

Carmy watched as the two of you stood up, his hopes to see you inside dwindling as he watched the two of you begin to part ways, an intricate handshake taking place before you turned to leave. He watched as your figure disappeared around the corner, a quiet ‘shit’ leaving his lips before he darted across the street trying to catch you before you were gone for good.

“Baby! Hey!” His shouts were useless, you were too far gone to have even heard him. “Fuck!” One hand raised to sit on the bill of his cap, the universe seemed like it was doing everything in its power to keep the two of you apart. Or maybe it was just the way things were meant to be.

Carmy turned to see the man you were with still standing in the same spot you left him, eyes narrowed as he took in Carmy’s figure. The man eyed Carmy for a moment longer, sending a head nod his way before turning and entering the church. Carmy was tempted to follow the man and ask about you, but whatever your relationship with the unknown man was, it was none of Carmy’s business.

He sighed eyes shooting up to the sky before taking a deep breath and making his way inside, not wanting to be late and disturb the Al-Anon meeting before it began. Carmy made his way to the room where the meeting usually took place, eyes landing on the same man from outside once more as he greeted members, the sign near the door he stood by signifying it was an NA meeting. Carmy stopped for a moment, eyes darting between the man and the sign he’d just read.

“You lost kid?” Carmy looked at the man brown furrowed as he shook his head, he sent a tight smile the man's way before walking two doors down for his own meeting. Carmen’s brain felt like it was racing a mile a minute. If you weren’t coming to the Al-Anon meeting, why were you here? And why were you talking with someone who appeared to be leading NA meetings?

The vibrating of his phone caught his attention, the device easily slipped out of his pocket. He felt the air leave his lungs as your name flashed across his screen, he realized just how indecent setting that Polaroid picture of you with his chain on might have been now that he was in public, but it’s not like he ever thought you’d call him.

How’d you even get his number?

“Carmen, hey, we’re about to start your coming?” His head shot up to one of the usual who attended these meetings and would talk to him on occasion.

“Yeah uh, just give me a minute.” Carmy gave a tight smile, eyes flashing back to his phone finger moving to swipe across the screen, the call abruptly ending before he even got the chance to hear your voice. Carmen was sure he had the worst luck in the world, a defeated sigh leaving him, he was almost positive there was no chance you were calling him back.

Quickly putting his phone on Do Not Disturb and in the safety of his jacket pocket, he entered the meeting, as much as he wanted to drop everything and fix things with you. He wasn’t even sure what you had called him for. Carmen also knew it was for the best to attend the meeting,

Carmen was sitting in his car allowing it to warm up as he waited. The skyline began to reflect the sunset, the time on the dashboard letting him know it was around dinner time. He fished his phone out of his pocket mindlessly checking the notifications he’d gotten while in the meeting.

Carmy’s brows furrowed at the flurry of messages he received from a group chat he wasn’t aware he was a part of. He frowned as he opened it, your contact is one of the many in the text chain. The only contact with a photo was yours, making you easily distinguishable, he realized the rest of the people in the chat were the restaurant crew. He scrolled through the messages eyes reading over your message with details about a baby shower, your address included.

Carmy exited out of his messages, unsure of how things were between the two of you. It had been three weeks since the argument and neither of you had tried contacting the other. But here he was with a message from you, and a missed call and he wasn’t sure how to take any of it.

He decided it was a good idea to call you back, and try and feel out the atmosphere between the two of you. His heart felt like it was stuttering in his chest as his finger hovered over his screen; you left him a voicemail. He needed to know what the message said, but a part of him was also worried he might not like what he heard, he had hurt you too many times to count, and if whatever you had to say to him broke him down more than he already was, well then he was sure he deserved it.

Carmen took one last deep breath before clicking on the voicemail and raising the phone to his ear, heart pounding in his chest as he heard the sweet whisper of your voice.

‘Hey Carmen, uh it’s me…Baby. Not sure why I introduced myself. I'm sure you know it’s me.” Carmy let out a watery chuckle at the sound of your voice, even if he hadn't saved your number the delicate timber of your voice would’ve been enough for him.

“Listen uh, I got your number for Pete. I hope you don’t mind, I know you have issues with girls actually having your number…Sorry, that was actually kind of rude. Anyway, I uh…Pete helped put things in perspective for me and I, I think we need to talk Carmen. I’m not sure when or if you even want that, but I think we both deserve a chance to explain our side of things. I um…I also have some things I think you should know. Just, if this is something you’re interested in, you have my number.” Carmen felt his heart rate slow down your words, nothing more than a piece offering.

“I just want to be clear though, um..if I don’t hear back from you, I’m going to take that as a sign. So yeah, call me back or something I guess.” The line finally went silent, your voice no longer caressing Carmy’s ears.

It felt like he was having heart palpitations but he knew it was just his nerves getting the best of him. He pulled the phone away from his ear, the time on his phone reading 5:30 p.m. Carmy quickly opened the group chat scrolling through to find your address and open it up in maps. You lived about 30 minutes from where he was, he was confident he could get there in 20 and spare the 10 minutes at a store near you.

Carmen made his decision as he set his phone down in the cup holder before beginning his journey. The ball was in his court, you had given him an olive branch and it was up to him whether he accepted it or not. He was nervous, maybe showing up at your house to cook you dinner wasn’t his most thought-out plan but he needed you desperately, needed to see you, be in your presence, and know that there was still a chance of something more between the two of you.

The hope Carmy felt when he saw you calling him earlier was now back tenfold: the pendant delicately resting against his chest felt warm. Carmen was adamant that he would admit his love for you tonight, unsure if he could go another day living with the fact that you were in love with him, but you still didn’t know just how much he had always loved you. You were so blissfully unaware that since he could remember, you had been the one and only option in his mind.

a/n: wowza, long time no see. i apologize that this is a bit of a filler chapter but it felt kinda necessary idk. anway please let me know if there are any problems with this chapter it's barely edited. enjoy : )

also also: both richard cabral as coco in mayans and manny montana as rio in good girls inspired cortez the sponsor, but head canon him as whoever you want…okay bye now 🤍

#if im ever on death row im asking for this story as my last meal #bc i simply devour it every single time #carmen berzatto x reader

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ispent5hrscreatingavalidblogname · 3 years ago

Text

Easter egg

Standing there it's surreal,how could I have imagined this people ever being together in the same room without shouting the entire roof down throwing insults at each other that would make any child feel embarrassed sometimes it even comes down to the case of complete genocide and bloodbath on another level,but now this people are indeed shouting but they are also singing,and laughing and there might be a genocide I see uncle Ben hugging the life out of Walter,Uncle Ben is a huge man a compliment after 25yrs of working and running a timber company before an accident took that away from him,he has been bitter since but right now looking at his face and seeing the bright blush on his cheeks I Know he's stupidily drunk but he's also happy-he's happy,and Walter who is his niece.Walter is in his 30's,he lost his father some years back who was Uncle Ben's younger brother,he has always blamed Uncle Ben for it,he said he should have been there to protect his little brother,you may say this might have been childish but you can'not blame a child for that-everyone grieves in their own way,so they would always fight and hurt each other and keep apart when you could see in their eyes they needed each other far beyond spoken words,words that could never be spoken.

I turned and saw aunty Kimsy dancing and twirling around the room graciously the lemon light reflecting off her hair,she has always been depressed for some reason because of that she had fallen into the support of drugs as a result she has been a victim to cases of drug abuse....every corner I look someone,everyone has a smile on their face,a genuine smile.. talking dancing,stuffing food in their faces even the house help Mira has gotten her own share of the joy,my cousin Richie,Tommy,shalla uncle Finnese everyone,from here I could spot my Bestie Courtney talking with my lil bro Luke(he is a year younger than me),these guy's could never been seen together wow,they seem to be laughing and giving each other eyes....o.kay I probably should stop whatever is going on later,my bro and my bestie nah nah..and grandpa too am sure he's well into his 90's and his still showing grandma some moves-real classy,what they have is truly special being able to be with each other at such age,they are the only ones that never fight the happiest couple I've ever seen.....a figure struggling to climb the top of the parlour table catches my attention-its aunty Kimsy she's holding a glass of wine as she's shouting "everyone I love you,I love you Walter,I love you Whitney,I love you Richie,love you Judy,love you Paul love you Finnese" a huge smile on her face,we don't even have a Paul in the house! Looking at aunty Kimsy now her smile gleaming brightly on her face the shades of light bathing and enhancing all the features in her face-she takes the posture of an over dramatic opera singer and just there I see her for how she truly is-strong and beautiful

Our 5yrs old last born Daniel,doing is own share of jumping he's not overly happier than usual but he has always been an overactive and gleeful little runt so he's definitely in his zone right now...I was smiling at him when my eyes caught Mom and Dad arms around each other moving from side to a side with a slow rythem-dancing,they'v had a disagreement with each other lately at first I thought it was not something really serious but then things started getting really cold between them and I guess at some point I thought they were going to spli...No I should not think of that now i know everything is alright again..Today I turned 18,last year April 17,I turned 17 on a 17 crazy right? Now today am turning 18 on an Easter,and everyone is together again I guess it's a prayer I've been praying for so long what a blessing I've been given and even though it's something for just today something has already started growing in me filling up a sphere so perfectly that has been there for so long and even though if all this would be gone by the time I wake up,I will Carry this feeling this joy with me into tommorow and the day after and the day after that until it's ready to hatch and grow and spread touching everyone as much as possible because I know one day I'd have this forever.

I think a tear started rolling down my face then because my Mom looked at me and called out and walking towards me "Lexa honey why are you crying dear" she knelt down a little and cleaned off the tear before they rolled down my cheek,an action that striked me as overly excessive I mean we are almost the same height! Everyone's attention now suddenly seems to be directed at me as they all came closer "Lexa are you okay" "what's wrong kid" "are you alright baby girl" my eyes scanned their faces and I saw nothing there other than genuine concern and care and sympathy-none of them have ever truly shown interest in how I felt and how I was actually doing before,the very thought of this sent more tears to my eyes and uncontrollable sorbs escape my lips "I'm really sorry...it's just I've never seen you all this happy before..you are always fighting and and arguing and being gloomy and it never ends sometimes..." I burst into some more tears making my dad hold me and hug me "oh my little girl" we stayed like that for some while before he pulled out and looked in my eyes and said "am sorry" and I knew then he was referring to him and mom.I heard aunty Kimsy's voice from one side "Honey we are sorry buh even though we are shit sometimes" dad eye's her definitely for the use of that language she sticks her tongue out at him this made me laugh... "and it seems everything is falling apart,maybe because of us but everything will always end up being fine and even though we are always at each others throat and it may even seem we intend to kill each other sometimes" she intentionally pauses and allows Uncle Ben who's hands where currently around Walters throat to stare at each and then everyone else,they both shrugged...geez "we will always pull ourselves at of the storm together...do you know why?" I shook my head "yes..maybe...no.." "because we are family" her shin raises a bit higher and I could see in her eyes she was remembering all the time my Mom stayed with her through those hard nights..nights she thought she wanted to die...nights she wanted to die..the help Uncle Ben has given her...the support this family has been to her to everyone and finally I could see clearly "we are family and we always stick together" uncle Ben shouts...."bring it in kiddo" oh hell am going to be crushed in his arms,but before I could escape that inevitable hug the entire family gangs in on me holds me in place and we all shared a hug together as the tears continues to roll down my face "I love yo'all" ...the hug continued for what seems like forever and I felt something inside me come alive,yeah you know that egg I was telling you about.....I think it had just hatched.

#happy easter #comedy #easterstory #Love #happiness #kindness #Peace #Warmth #easterlove #easter egg #Easter2022 #easterbunny #easter wishes #i love you all

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loverboytrashmouth · 4 years ago

Text

Wish You Were Sober

pairing; Reddie

word count; 4k

summary; Eddie is tired of Richie flirting like a madman whenever he gets alcohol in his system.

a/n; so i decided i’m making a kind of series of reddie fics i write based on songs, bc i’m the type of bitch that listens to any music or intakes any kind of media and thinks “iMagiNe tHiS bUt rEdDiE<333″ so ya there’s that lol. here’s a lil angsty one shot based on wish you were sober by conan gray, aka a superior song if u ask me. as always, read on ao3 here if you’d like and enjoy ! :)

Nirvana blared through the speakers and traveled throughout the too small apartment owned by some random guy in one of Richie’s classes. Richie didn’t know him too well - he thinks his name is Chris? Collin? Something with a ‘C’ - but, hey, a party’s a party, and free booze is free booze.

The trashmouth was chatting loudly over the music with Bill on a dingy leather couch, waiting for Stan and Eddie to return with more drinks. Richie was already significantly further along than his friends in terms of his drunken state, all obnoxious laughs interrupted by hiccups and long, gangly limbs flailing more wildly than usual. It almost should be concerning to the other Losers, having only been at the party for less than a couple hours and their friend already being long gone, but it was what they were used to. Since they were 15 and stealing liquor from their parents, the Losers constantly saw Richie’s “go big or go home” attitude with drinking. They assumed it was just Richie wanting to be the life of the party and center of attention, whether that meant going shot for shot with Mike, accepting any type of drinking related dare from Beverly, etc.

Richie let them believe this, because it was better than telling them the truth. It was easier than admitting to them that around the same time he started sneaking a copious amount of vodka from the Tozier’s alcohol stash, he was also realizing certain feelings he had for a certain Loser.

Richie Tozier loved Eddie Kaspbrak. Richie was sure it was just one of those basic laws of the universe, one that’s impossible to ignore and inevitable to come to pass. Despite this, living in a small town like Derry meant getting the shit kicked out of you if you even look at another guy for too long, soulmates or inescapable love or whatever be damned. Richie had gotten beatdowns left and right from neighborhood bullies for being a “faggot” before he even knew what the word meant, so he, unfortunately, knew this from personal experience.

But now, sitting in an apartment in Manhattan of all places, attending NYU with three out of six of his best friends, away from those assholes in Derry, Richie thought he’d loosen up. Let himself be brave.

He soon learned that was easier said than done; who knew what 19 years of internalized homophobia could do to a man?

It’s not like he was afraid of being more of an outcast; he was already a loser with a capital “L,” and he, along with the rest of his friends, carried the title like it was given to them by the Queen herself. Deep down Richie knew the rest of the Losers wouldn’t even bat an eye at the fact that he liked dudes the way he should have liked girls, so he wasn’t afraid of losing them either. And deep, deep down, Richie also knew there wasn’t really anything wrong with him. Why would he feel such a way if it was supposed to be such an unnatural and vile thing? He couldn’t help who he was, who or how he loved, and God, he loved Eddie so much he thought he could just burst with it sometimes.

That shred of acceptance, though, was buried so deep in his lanky form, and the only way to reach it was through a ridiculous amount of shots. Or beers. Or just about anything with a decent alcohol content, really. He’d even settle with wine if he had to.

When Richie was drunk, he was able to be more clingy and face less consequences. He was already an affectionate guy, constantly pinching Eddie’s cheeks and throwing a lazy arm around the shorter man’s shoulders whenever he could. With alcohol, though, he’d give sloppy cheek kisses and intertwine his fingers with Eddie’s and allow his face to form a subtle blush when an intoxicated Eddie would lean into it.

“Sorry for being all over ya last night, Eds. You know how gross and clingy I can get,” he’d say the following morning, and then they’d fall back into their rhythm of bickering and ‘your mom’ jokes. Business as usual, like clockwork every time they’d get wasted.

Richie thought it was going well, that his feelings were going totally unnoticed, that he was stealth. Until this particular college party, that is.

Richie’s attention left his conversation with Bill about the newest Die Hard film when he felt the couch sink next to him, turning to meet eyes with a mildly tipsy Eddie. The taller man’s face immediately lit up, a goofy smile spreading across his chapped lips.

“Hiya, Spagheds! What’s cookin, good lookin’?” Richie slurred out, his arm finding its way around Eddie’s waist and using his other hand to snatch the mixed drink his friend was holding out for him. Eddie responded with his usual scoff and eyeroll, but Richie noted an extra bite to it that he wasn’t used to getting from him.

“Don’t call me that, asshole! And haven’t you ever heard of personal space?” Eddie grumbled, wiggling himself out of Richie’s side embrace and putting some distance between the two. The arm that was once around Eddie made its way to Richie’s own body as he dramatically grasped at his chest.

“Eddie, baby, you’ve wounded me! Since when do you pass up some signature Tozier cuddles?” Richie was met with a simple huff in response as Eddie avoided his gaze. Richie’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion at the lack of attention he was receiving from the man who would usually be giving him the most attention, but he was overall too drunk to overthink. With a shrug, Richie downed his freshly made drink in record timing before crunching the plastic cup in his hand and tossing it over his shoulder, causing Eddie to scoff again from next to him. Stan spoke up from beside Bill before Eddie could ream his friend about his lack of care for tidiness.

“Maybe you should start on some water, huh, Rich?” Richie gasped dramatically, turning to look at Stan as if he had just told him pigs fly.

“Staniel, did you just ask moi to drink water? What’s the point of free booze if you’re not gonna take advantage?” He asked incredulously before standing, wobbling on his long limbs for a couple seconds and giggling a bit before regaining his balance. “Speaking of, I’m gonna go see if my boy Chris has any good brewskis lyin’ around.”

“Isn’t his name C-C-Connor?” Bill asked, shaking his head in amusement. He seemed to be the only one enjoying the trashmouth’s antics this evening, as Stan’s eyebrows were furrowed in concern which he tried to pass off as annoyance, and Eddie still kept his gaze elsewhere. It was the latter that made Richie itch for another drink.

“Whatever the fuck, Billiam. I’ll be back in a jiff, my loves! Try not to miss me too much!” Richie exclaimed with a bow, breaking out his British accent for his next sentence. “But if I find m’lady Mary Jane, don’t wait up, lads! Pip pip!”

Before Richie could step five feet from the couch, an aggressive hand was yanking him back by the wrist. Losing his footing due to the intrusion, Richie stumbled once more, nearly toppling onto Eddie. The shorter man’s tight grip on his arm was the only thing that kept him from sending them both back onto the scratchy leather of the couch below. Richie beamed at the attention he was finally receiving, despite the glare Eddie was boring deep into his features.

“Sit the fuck down, Richard. You’re not drinking anymore fucking beer and you’re definitely not smoking anything. You’re drinking some water and I’m taking you the fuck back to your room, asswipe,” Eddie said sternly, getting as close as he could to Richie’s face with the height difference between them. Richie couldn’t help but love when Eddie got like this; sure, he was red in the face more with anger than with the alcohol, but the anger was backed by mountains of concern. It reminded Richie how much his love cared about him, even though he was sure their forms of love differed. There was still some kind of love there, and sometimes, that was enough for him.

Although Richie felt his chest swell and he wanted nothing more than to ease Eddie’s anger and please him, his mouth rambled before his brain could tell it what to say, as usual.

“If you wanted to get me alone, Eds, all ya had to do was ask,” Richie slurred with a wink, slowly bringing his hand up Eddie’s arm, his calloused fingertips slightly teasing the warm skin. Eddie’s face flushed an even deeper shade of red, from anger or something else, no one was sure - until Richie’s hand was being swatted away, the smack of it loud enough for Bill and Stan to hear over the music from their spot on the couch. Richie mumbled a curse under his breath as he rubbed the skin Eddie came in contact with, a sting lingering there. He opened his mouth to speak again, some kind of excuse or apology on the tip of his tongue, but never got it out due to Eddie’s voice cutting him off.

“Stop doing this, Richie! Just stop! I’m tired of it!” Eddie's voice was slowly rising, and the tremble that laced within his words acted as some kind of magical potion; suddenly Richie had never been so sober.

“Hey, Eddie, it’s okay. I’m sorry, whatever I did I’m sor-” The apology was interrupted with another signature scoff as Eddie looked at the ground, shaking his head, breathing out a humorless chuckle.

“You don’t even know what you’re doing,” he said with a frustrated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking Richie in his eyes once again. Despite the apartment being dark with the exception of a couple of lamps scattered around the area, Richie could see the glistening threat of tears waiting to spill from the doe eyes he loved so much. His heart ached.

“Of course you don’t know what you’re doing, Rich, because you’re too fucking drunk! You’re always too drunk. I just… I just wish you were sober for fucking once!” Eddie practically screamed, before his voice softened with hurt again. “I just wish you’d act like this with me without fucking booze.” There were a couple beats of silence between them, two pairs of dark eyes swimming with gallons of emotions simply blinking at one another, the only noise coming from Eddie’s sniffling. Richie did all in his power to search for a response, but for once in his life, the trashmouth was at a loss for words. After what felt like forever, Eddie finally ended the moment by turning on his heel and making a beeline for the door, leaving Richie to stand in dumbfounded silence while his intoxicated brain processed the scene that just unfolded. His thought process was interrupted by a voice coming from the couch.

“Wha-what just happened?” Bill asked, his amusement from earlier in the night completely dissipated and replaced with a mix of confusion and concern.

“Richie’s oblivious and a dumbass is what just happened. Nothing new,” Stan deadpanned from next to him. Richie snapped his body towards the pair, making his head spin and reminding him of just how drunk he was. He blinked at the two in an attempt to adjust his sight before raising his hands in defense at Stan’s comment.

“What are you talking about? Do you know what that was about?” Richie asked, pointing towards the direction Eddie stormed off in. Stan rolled his eyes before standing up and grabbing Richie by the shoulders with both hands, giving him a serious look.

“When we went to get drinks, Eddie talked to me. About you. About how you act when you’re drunk, all over him and shit, more than usual. And how much he likes it, but he hates that he likes it, because you only do it when you’re drunk.” Richie continued to gape at his friend, clearly not connecting what Stan’s words meant. Stan sighed, scrunching his face in annoyance and gripping Richie’s shoulders tighter. “He’s in love with you, asshole! Either tell him you love him too, because trust me, everyone except him knows you do, or stop leading him on. It’s fucking ruining him, man!”

Realization finally hit Richie, his eyes welling with tears as Stan’s grip on his shoulders softened. “He- He is? Are you sure? This- This isn’t funny, Stanley. A-Are you sure?” he breathed out, and if it wasn’t for the weight of the situation, he’d made a joke about how he was sounding like Bill, nervous stutter and all. Stan gave a slight nod and responded, but Richie didn’t hear what he said. His mind was suddenly racing; find Eddie. tell Eddie. kiss Eddie. EddieEddieEddie.

Before he knew it his feet were running just as fast as his thoughts, not 100% sure where he was going, just knowing he needed to find Eddie. Richie raced out of the apartment building into the chilly air that was New York City on a late November night, frantically scanning the streets. His eyes soon locked on a figure about half a block down, leaning against a mailbox, head in his hands. Even with the distance between them, Richie could tell he was trembling, either from the cold or from crying, he wasn’t sure. As he felt the sharp breeze across his skin exposed by the rips in his jeans, he assumed probably both.

Richie thought better than to call out his name, opting instead to slowly approach Eddie. He did his best to labor his breathing in his short walk over, mentally preparing himself for the confrontation that was about to take place. The confrontation that would bear all feelings, all confessions. All of the walls Richie had been building around himself since high school would finally come down.

He wished he had another drink.

“Eds?” He spoke softly, possibly the softest he’d ever spoken, as to not scare Eddie and send him running. The shorter man lifted his head from his hands, and Richie’s heart broke even more at the sight before him. Eddie’s eyes were red and puffy, a wall of hurt extremely evident in the soft brown. His nose was runny, and his lip quivered as he looked away when he realized who was standing in front of him.

“Don’t call me that,” he practically whispered, just loud enough for the other to catch it over the bustle of traffic in the streets surrounding them. Although he was avoiding the other man’s gaze like his life depended on it, Eddie made no attempt to walk away. Richie took that as a small win.

“Eddie, talk to me. Please. What’s up? It’s just me and you, man. C’mon.” Richie wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch Eddie. Offer a comforting hand on his shoulder, run his fingers through his hair, hold him close, tell him everything would be okay. But he didn’t dare move.

A car honked down the street, offering the only noise that cut through the thick silence when Eddie didn’t take Richie’s offer to speak. The former stayed silent with his head down, finding the dirty concrete under his pristine white converse highly interesting. Richie let out a sigh.

“Okay, you don’t have to talk. I’ll do all the talking. I’m the Trashmouth after all, aren’t I?” Richie offered a lame chuckle when his attempt at a joke fell flat, Eddie not breaking his frown even slightly. Richie cleared his throat awkwardly before continuing. “Look, I talked to Stan, he told me what you guys talked about, and -” He was cut off by the same humorless chuckle he heard in the apartment minutes ago, but this time it dripped with sadness rather than anger.

“Dammit, Stanley, you fucking traitor,” Eddie mumbled mostly to himself. He shook his head with a deep sigh and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, making them impossibly redder, before willing himself to look at Richie, his voice finally reaching above a murmur for the first time since leaving the party. “Secret’s out, I guess. I’m a fucking cliche. The fuckin’ queer that fell for his best friend.”

All Richie could do was silently stare, mouth slightly agape and eyes comically blown, amplified more so by his glasses. Sure, Stan had told him this not even five minutes beforehand, but hearing it from Eddie himself was an entirely different experience. He figured under different circumstances, Eddie would probably be laughing at how dumb he was sure he looked. Instead, the shorter man looked at him expectantly with tears still in his eyes, clearly waiting for some kind of response, and expecting the worst. They stood this way, basically a mirroring of what played out in the party upstairs before Eddie stormed out, for a solid minute before it was - once again - Eddie who broke the silence.

“So much for doing all the talking,” he muttered, the volume of his voice lowering, Richie realizing as Eddie looked back at the ground that he was closing in on himself once again. “Good night, Rich.”

“No,” Richie finally spoke, his arm darting out to grab Eddie’s hand before he could even adjust his feet to leave. “Please don’t walk away again. Please.” His voice broke on the last plea, his own eyes finally beginning to water. Eddie was still staring in the opposite direction down the concrete path he was planning on following before he was interrupted, but was staying put, not rejecting Richie’s hand in his. “There’s so much I wanna say to you, Eddie. So much. I just… Shit, I just don’t know how.”

Richie was crying just as much as Eddie was at this point but quieter, unable to pull himself together as much as he wanted to be brave. Eddie turned his head to face Richie with his glare still hardened, only softening when he saw the state Richie was in. Eddie had known Richie since they were literal children, and he knew better than anyone that Richie Tozier didn’t cry like this. Not unless something was truly eating at him. The anger Eddie felt towards the situation seemed to have completely disappeared as he comfortably squeezed Richie’s hand, giving him encouraging eyes.

The taller man used his free hand to rub the tears from his eyes, giving him a better look at Eddie. They were standing fairly close to the lone street light of the block, the faint orange tint of the bulb complimenting Eddie’s lightly tanned skin and chestnut eyes. Without thinking, Richie brought his hand up to Eddie’s face, cupping his cheek and wiping a stray tear away with the pad of his thumb. He continued softly rubbing at the skin there after the tear was gone, his thumb dancing across the freckles, his mind flooded with thoughts of how beautiful the man before him was. Eddie closed his eyes for a brief moment, taking in the feel of Richie’s touch.

Unable to find words again but refusing to let the moment slip out of his fingers for the third time of the night, Richie did the only thing he truly knew how to do; he acted impulsively.

If asked, Richie wouldn’t be able to pinpoint exactly when he decided to kiss the man he’d loved since he was 15 in the middle of Greenwich Village at one in the morning. Before he knew it, the hand on Eddie’s cheek slid down to his neck, pulling their lips together before the shorter man could react to the shift in Richie’s hold on him. As much as he didn’t want to admit the fact, Richie knew he wouldn’t have taken such action if it weren’t for the alcohol flowing through his veins, but at this point he didn’t much care. When their lips met, he forgot all about the booze, and became drunk on Eddie.

Eddie kissed back without hesitation, letting go of Richie’s hand and easily snaking his arms around his neck, with a comfortability as if they had done this thousands of times. It was sloppy due to the pair’s mixed tears along with their lack of experience, but nevertheless the two men kissed with purpose, as if the fate of their livelihood depended on this moment. Perhaps it did.

By the time they pulled away and rested their foreheads together, Eddie’s fingers had found themselves tangled in Richie’s dark curls, and Richie’s hands were gripping Eddie’s hips for dear life. The kiss hadn’t lasted too long - thirty seconds or so, if that - however the energy both men poured into those short seconds left them panting heavily, their breath tangling together, hot in the other’s face in the midst of the cold air around them.

“That was better than talking,” Richie breathed out with a wet chuckle, causing Eddie to finally crack his first smile of the night. It was a small one, the corners of his mouth curving only lightly, but Richie saw that his happiness had made its way into his stare.

“Shut up, Richie,” Eddie whispered with no real bite in his words before bringing their lips together again, this kiss softer than the last. While their first kiss was filled with the passion built up from years of mutual pining and secrets, their second let them convey the deepness of their love without words to speak. A tender peck of their lips told Richie everything he needed to know; this moment was very much real, and Eddie Kaspbrak very much loved Richie Tozier.

And if the kiss wasn’t enough, Eddie made sure to tell him when he pulled out of the kiss and rested his head on the taller man’s shoulder, pulling him into a proper embrace.

“I love you, Rich. I- I think I always have,” he confessed, his voice slightly muffled from where his face was buried in Richie’s neck, but the other man heard him loud and clear all the same. Richie released his grip on Eddie’s hips and wrapped his arms around him, letting himself breathe out a sigh of relief as he held him impossibly closer.

“I love you too, Eds. So fucking much, fuck.” Richie pressed a kiss to soft brown waves, breathing in the clean scent of lavender shampoo mixed with light cologne, his senses filling with just Eddie.

Standing in the middle of a bustling city they barely knew in the wee hours of a Sunday morning, arms wrapped tightly around one another, ignoring the strangers that walked past them most definitely giving them some variation of judgemental stares, Eddie and Richie had never felt more at home.

“Alright, Trashmouth,” Eddie started, reluctantly pulling away from Richie’s hold. Richie pouted at the loss of feeling Eddie’s body pressed against his own, making the latter chuckle and playfully roll his eyes. He pressed a quick peck to said trashmouth before continuing. “We can talk about this more in the morning. Right now, you need water and sleep.” Richie slapped a toothy grin onto his chapped lips after, once again, being reminded of how intoxicated he still was, falling back into his goofy demeanor with ease.

“Ya gonna take care of me, Dr. K? Ugh, what a dreamboat,” he replied, miming a cartoonish faint. Eddie simply giggled and grasped Richie’s hand once again, interlacing their fingers and leading him in the direction of their dorms. Richie fell back ever so slightly as to not get caught looking at Eddie like the lovesick dork he was, feeling a warmth grow in his body he was sure wasn’t due to the alcohol.

Richie still drinks after this night; old habits die hard, of course. However, Richie didn’t have to be drunk anymore to admit he loved Eddie. He told him sober and drunk, day and night, and vowed to remind Eddie just how much he loved him until the day they died.

#my writing #reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie fic #reddie fanfic #reddie angst #it #it chapter one #it chapter two #it 2017 #it 2019

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