#reddie angst

[theartsharki]

Will you stay with me?

Not sure what mood came over me, but whatever it was produced this! Enjoy the pain with me!

[your-stranger-halfblood-things]

Eddie laughed as Richie continued making up more sayings. "You put the fun in dysfunctional- no wait! You put the fun in funeral!"

He and Eddie would laugh for hours at Richie's attempt at humor, but now, when Richie lies awake at night, he thinks about how Eddie couldn't even have a funeral.

Fuck, if only I dragged your body out with me-

And Richie will spend hours crying out to Eds, yearning for him to come back to him.

[sundayfoxx]

i keep thinking of the saddest thing imagine after the losers defeated pennywise for the final time, Richie bought a plot of land in a graveyard and a tombstone for Eddie, and even though there was no body since he was left in neibolt, Richie sat near the grave and absolutely refused to leave. he refused to leave until his dying breath (from starvation or thirst perhaps). He had his arms around Eddie's grave and his last words were "I love you, Eds." even sadder if you apply the theory that Eddie is still alive due to the losers' scars disappearing and "nobody dies in derry" stuff

[princess-glassred]

My fav Reddie dynamic is most definitely "Eddie grows up too quick, Richie never grows up, but they learn how to be better adults through each other"

[darkcrowprincess]

Richie seeing Eddie's ghost post it chapter two.

[liv45no]

“I know your secret, your dirty little secret,” It sang, repeating that line before landing on the ground. It tilted its head, piercing Richie with its yellow eyes. “Should I tell them, Richie?”

Richie felt his inner storm intensifying, coming to its final, worst point - in where Richie would break down. Richie Tozier, the goof, the joker, the trashmouth, the smart ass, the one who never shuts up would break down.

‘It knows,’ Richie then thought, panic spreading in his chest, ‘It knows about me. It knows all about me.’

The one and only hope left that Richie had clamped to; Pennywise not finding out about him because he knew It could and would use that knowledge against him whenever It liked. For a long time Richie had only feared the people around him would find out - then he had run into that monster and now he was praying to god It would never know.

Something in Richie’s mind shattered into a million pieces, the window got opened - a memory. He saw small Eddie Kaspbrak before him, crying, sweating, holding his weirdly twisted arm. He saw him and at the same time he didn’t. He felt that need to squat down and protect Eddie, to make sure he wouldn’t get hurt again. And not like his crazy mother, like that psychotic Mrs K, no. Richie wouldn’t suffocate Eddie with his love, he would replace his inhaler. He would give him space, he would stay as close to him as possible, hell, he’d do anything Eddie needed.

Richie felt his fingers, those small bony pale fingers that he no longer owned (they were now marked by color and hardness and roughness), but stopped right above Eddie’s fragile arm.

Don’t touch the other boys, Richie. Don’t, or they’ll know your secret.

It hit him like a wave, throwing him back into the moment, into his adult body, into the ugly reality, to the spot he didn’t want to be. He blinked - and as if time had done him a favor, the world began to breathe again. The seconds went on, the hours passed, and Pennywise was still there. Richie squeezed his eyes shut.

[cherriiramen]

I will never be able to explain the sheer feeling of comfort I get when I indulge so deeply in this absolutely heart wrenching tragic couple that I become so sad for them to the point where I’m like: ‘fuck it, that’s enough angst for a while’. And then I create them the happily-ever-after they never got to have, in my silly little head.

Tfym ‘___’ died??? No they didn’t!! They’re STILL ALIVE!!

In fact, right now the two of them are sitting in a the comfiest armchair by the toastiest fire and in the cosiest little oak cottage ever, snogging and reminiscing their past with smiles and happy tears like it was nothing but an adventure, a rollercoaster of a dream they’d woken up from. And now they’re happily married with matching rings on their fingers and a hell of a story to tell their future kids.

[woohoorin]

[sunshinereddie]

going a little insane thinking of a non-pennywise au there the losers never separate and they do grow up together but richie and eddie never get together because eddie is never able to accept his own sexuality and richie never acts on his feelings because "i have a crush on you, but i don’t want to tell you that, so i’m going to push you away. but man, if he made the first move, that’d be the best thing ever" (bill hader i'll kill you myself) and so they grow up as best friends who love each other in more than a best friend's way and never knew that the feeling is mutual.

and so they grow up and live as adults and one day eddie tells the losers all about his new girlfriend, myra, and richie dies a little on the inside, but he plays the part of supportive friend and tries to pretend that he doesn't hate myra from the moment he meets her.

but then a few years go by and now they're engaged. richie is of course invited to the wedding and of course part of the wedding party, even though in these past few years richie and eddie have grown a little apart. something about eddie thinking that richie had changed, he always seemed a little standoffish these days, but eddie never connected the dots that he only acted that way when myra was brought along. he never connected the dots that richie only acted that way because he didn't know how to handle the fact that the love of his life was in love with someone else. but eddie was getting married- this was supposed to be the best day of his life, of course he wanted richie there, even though myra didn't.

even when richie is acting weird at the wedding, eddie shrugs it off. god knows he has more important things to worry about than richie being moody in the corner. for example, he has to make sure that each and every table centrepiece is placed perfectly, god forbid a tulip is out of place or myra would have a meltdown. he has to double and triple make sure that the catering company is making the correct menu, because god forbid myra doesn't get her gluten-free, low carb, zero-sugar dinner.

and he has to try his best to ignore the feelings of doubt burning in his stomach. a feeling of... should i be doing this? he's sure it's just normal wedding nerves.

until richie finds him in his dressing room. they begin to chat, and as richie starts to ramble on about their childhood, reminiscing on the "good old days" and talking about how he can't believe they're both grown up now, eddie can smell the alcohol on his breath. he also realizes that this is the first time they have been alone in a while, and eddie finds it almost... awkward. he had spent a majority of his life loving richie, and even more time trying to pretend that he didn't. he wasn't even sure that he had stopped loving richie, just that he had done a very good job at pretending. but he loved myra now, and besides, him and richie never would have worked out.

that is, until richie lets out a laugh that sounds more dejected than joyful, and eddie's heart sinks as richie says, "i can't believe you're actually getting married. you know, i've never told anyone before, but i actually had a crush on you when we were kids."

eddie's frozen. surely richie didn't just say that, he must be hearing things wrong, but he can't muster anything up except a weak "what?"

richie shrugs casually, as if he hadn't just dropped the biggest bombshell of eddie's life and repeats, "yeah, man, we were probably 13, 14. i had a little crush on you. you know, just one of those little kid crushes. it wasn't a big deal. anyways, it's crazy that you're getting married now."

oh, except it was. richie said something more, but eddie wasn't listening, not when richie let out a tipsy laugh or clapped him on the shoulder or when he left the room. all eddie could think about were those words:

i had a crush on you.

from those words, all eddie could hear was he liked me. he liked me back. it wasn't one-sided. i wasn't crazy for thinking maybe he could like me too. but it's too late. it's too late. it's too late.

eddie looks at himself in the mirror. he's wearing the suit he had specifically bought to get married in. he's wearing the tie that myra had picked out for him. he's wearing a boutonniere of the same flower from the bouquet that his soon-to-be wife would be walking down the aisle with.

and all he can think about is richie tozier. all he can think about is how the person he had loved his entire life, had had feelings for him too. and maybe, just maybe, if eddie had acted on his own feelings fifteen years ago, that things could have been different.

the door opens. it's bill, his best man, letting him know that it was time. "you ready?" bill asks. eddie isn't, but he nods.

because it's too late. it's too late.

[r-tozierness]

when your card declines at therapy so they bring up the fact that richie watched the love of his life die in his arms without getting to tell him how he felt.

[theartsharki]

I wish you were still here so I can show you how much I love you. Instead, my dreams are haunted by you.

[your-stranger-halfblood-things]

"Eds?"

No answer. Richie tried again. "Eddie Spaghetti?"

There was shifting on the bed next to him. "Huh?"

Richie smiled wide. "I love you, Eds," he said, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend.

Eddie blushed. "I love you too." He leaned into Richie and they stayed like that until they fell back asleep.

[frizz-bee-2]

nightmares and confort.. (they love each other sm <3) here they are like 13 or 14

[princess-glassred]

I was just listening to speak now by taylor swift and had a really great sad Lesbian Reddie idea.

So Edie and Rachel reconnect after god knows how many years, Edie is already married to her husband Myron and is about as miserable as you'd expect and Rachel casually drops that she's getting married next week to Connor Bowers. This utterly shakes Edie to her core and she begins to ruminate on it all week, unable to think about literally anything else but the fact Rachel is getting married. Edie isn't invited to the wedding since it's such short notice, the whole Bowers family hates her, and Rachel doesn't think she'd be interested in attending her small ass wedding. The upcoming marriage completely eats away at her until she can't take it anymore and abruptly leaves work to sneak in to the wedding.

She doesn't want to be seen by Rache or anyone else for that matter, so she dodges guests and hides behind curtains and furniture while she checks the church out. She even sneakily steals an boquet of flowers to cover her face when she sees Henry and Butch coming. It's a good thing she came right from work because her work clothes actually help her blend in better, but even then, she still looks like a mess. She's in this stupid professional black heels, a long skirt, a white blouse and the bun she has her hair in is about to come undone. While she runs around the venue she gets a brief glimpse of Rache in her wedding gown and she looks stunning, perfect heels, perfect hair, poofy dress, she looks like a princess. It's almost too perfect, to the point Edie doesn't think it suits her at all.

She takes her seat in the very back of the church pews and watches as Rachel's walks down the aisle to her fiance, and even as they're saying vows Edie's eyes refuse to look away from Rachel's face. Connor might as well be invisible. Meanwhile Edie can hear Henry and Butch talking about Rache in front of her, and the gross toxic heterosexuality radiating off them makes her wanna rip her skin off. Every gross joke they tell about Rache or comment they make about her body is taking every ounce of her strength to ignore, because she still can't force herself to blow her cover.

The time is drawing near for Rachel and Connor to say I do, and Edie wants to say something so so badly but she just keeps saying "not yet, not yet" over and over. It gets to the eventual "speak now or forever hold your peace" and it's officially go time. Now or never, Edie has to stand up and say something or else Rachel will never be hers... but even then, Edie cannot do it. Even now, at the final hour, all Edie can say is "Not yet.".

So they get married, and Edie can almost swear she saw Rachel's eyes glance over at her in recognition right before they kiss, but she honestly doesn't care anymore. She gets up and exits with the crowd, using the flood of people leaving to the reception as an excuse to bail out of there. Luckily any person who sees her crying will just mistake them for tears of joy for the newly weds. She runs to her car and after sitting in silence for a while, she starts driving home with the radio blasting. Her husband tries calling her but she's in such distress she just lets it ring. She pulls over at a cliffside over looking a nice beach and stares off at the sky, wondering if she's really gonna be happy as Rachel Bowers or if she just made the worst mistake of her life.

Without a doubt though, the worst part of all of this was that, unbeknownst to Edie, Rachel came very close to realizing she was there. They just missed each other by a hair, and before she could even wonder if she was seeing things or not, Connor was dragging her to their reception...

[ko0l-k1dd0]

haven’t made myself violently nauseous sobbing to it chapter 2 in awhile. Either that’s progress or something to add to my to do list