#like.... i expect i'll grow out of it? or eventually start getting affection and like it

[darknessandasong]

funny how Yeah i yearn every day for physical affection. No i wont touch anyone what the fuck

[gotham-daydreams]

How would it have gone differently if Reader didn't try to be an "overachiever" and instead just stayed quiet and didn't interact with anyone besides Alfred until they left? Their room they left being mostly blank, with only the music journals? Giving up on trying to get their attention.

I think what's so funny about this ask, to me, is that I already have a concept like this written down (along with 3 others since the current reader I'm writing for the "Not [ ]" series is one of them but with a few missing details), so this'll be fun!

I guess it generally goes how you'd expect? Which is different for the most part, but the reader's perspective on what's happening is also different.

Granted, I would like to point out that, at least for this particular concept and the idea I have for it of how this would go, does have more stuff going on pre-Batfam that do affect how they perceive what's happening, and that's what makes things interesting in my opinion. Because someone can be naturally shy or just overall more reserved either out of nature or because they feel a certain way, but still feel bad about being neglected and, despite their lack of effort, feel that pain just as much as someone who's tried. Which is valid! Besides, someone's definition of 'trying' can vary as well.

Everyone should have a chance to have a family, and form some kind of connection with people. Just because you aren't going above and beyond for one person, doesn't mean you're undeserving of certain things. Especially not a chance to have a family, or feel like you have one. That's what I think anyway.

Nevertheless, back to the reader!

From the original concept, I will be tweaking a few things to fit the ask, but the same general outcome remains! Though again, the reader's perspective on things is a tad different. But how about this- I'll show two versions of the reader.

One that's quiet and more reserved because they gave up much earlier, or just generally hopeless really early on because maybe they felt as if anything they'd do just wouldn't be enough, who'll be accurately named Quiet!Reader. With the other being more closely related to the concept I wrote for such an idea, that we'll refer to as Waiting!Reader.

Quiet!Reader would change up things quite a bit! I won't lie!

They might already have bad self-esteem that's quick to develop at the start of things, which is something to note as that doesn't get better with time. They grow more cold and distant from the family at a quicker pace both from personal and external reasons.

Put simply, they don't feel good enough, and even if they did- anything they could do to get the Batfam's attention would never be enough in their eyes. To which, they see very early on when they try to engage and do some things with the family, only to be turned down. What doesn't help is when Quiet!Reader sees Damian get adopted and almost immediately showered with love, (compared to them) and that really cements some ideas that were already developing in their head about the family.

When Damian comes into the picture, they feel replaced. Seeing him as someone to fill in the 'youngest Wayne' role instead of them, so that Bruce and the others actually have someone to acknowledge for such a title. Just someone else to further take away the little they had.

So, they further step out of the way, glaring at the Batfam with tired eyes before that eventually stops too. Envy clawing at their heart, hatred being sent through waves of pain all throughout their body. Hurt unmatched. Yet they still remain invisible. Quiet as ever. Unnoticed. Everything they ever felt dies down, and forms a cold numbness that they begin to associate with the family.

Maybe through that, they feel closer to the family in some twisted way. Now just as cold as them. Just as talkative, and just as engaging. Almost mirroring them, but they're honest about how they feel. Honest about what they think, and therefore better. At least when compared to the Batfam- and to them, even if it wasn't a high bar to reach anyway, at least it counts for something.

It was never Damian's fault, or really about Damian at all. It could've been anyone else and Quiet!Reader would've still reacted the same way, they know that. Though just seeing the Batfam show love and care to him and not them just makes them feel... worse.

Clearly they're capable of love, and can notice new additions to the family (to which they may have mostly believed that the Batfam's neglect was just something the family did for whatever reason, and thought that them being the youngest had something to do with it for a while) and that breaks the reader. It doesn't hurt, not as much as it would've, maybe, but whatever hurt is there dies down quickly as Quiet!Reader, well, quietly accepts their fate.

The Batfam clearly wants nothing to do with them, so why should they try to do all of these things for them? It's simple, they shouldn't. So they don't. Quiet!Reader gives up, and continues to live their life without them.

The Manor just becomes a place they sleep in, and nothing else. It isn't anything close to a home, and not even Alfred can help with that.

It's because of that little fact, however, that Quiet!Reader leaves much sooner than the reader in the "Not [ ]" series. Maybe once they get a friend they can trust, they essentially end up living with said friend, hence why their room remains so empty. The notebooks they even keep in the room they have in the Manor is from when they were way younger, instead of just being from a few months ago or so. We're talking years since Quiet!Reader has touched those things now.

Maybe they do 'officially' leave a month or so before they usually would as an overachiever in the "Not [ ]" series, having only bothered to return so often before because of Alfred. Though even then, they'd forget to return most nights- only being reminded to even try and go back once Alfred would personally call them, and ask them where they were.

However now, after a while of just the time between them basically living with their friend and sleeping at the manor, they stop returning altogether. Though this time around they instead personally go to Alfred to say they're goodbyes. Not explaining much, but just saying that while they might still try to come and visit him sometimes, they don't live in the Manor anymore. Alfred already knows this, and the embrace they share fully hammers in that fact.

Yet when Quiet!Reader turns away, and leaves the Manor for good- even through the front door at that. Alfred can't help but just... miss them already.

You see, while Quiet!Reader is indeed quieter and more reserved, especially towards the Batfam, with Alfred really being the only exception, they still made music.

Maybe they didn't have as many concerts or physical, grand, live performances compared to the reader in the "Not [ ]" series, they not only started earlier, but may have actually started out on a social platform such a youtube. They really started out small, but were able to find and start their passion much earlier!

Most of what they played was when they were in the Manor, but slowly they started to get involved with things music related outside of the Manor and in Gotham- and from there were able to build themselves up even more. Hell, I'd even say that Quiet!Reader is a little more well-known and popular than the reader in the "Not [ ]" series because of the amount of extra time they dedicated to their passion.

So basically, Alfred this time around has more recordings and such of Quiet!Reader actually doing something they love than with the one in the series. However! Funnily enough, they're gone for a shorter amount of time despite having left earlier than normal.

Alfred is just, extra fed up with this nonsense, and so pulls his tricks more early on, but also make them hit harder.

He doesn't clean Quiet!Reader's room to show how long they've been gone, adding onto the emptiness and almost abandoned feeling the room itself gives off because of how bare and empty it is. They're music haunts the halls, subtle, sure, but still noticeable- especially to those who are hyper aware all the time. Pictures of Quiet!Reader and Alfred begin to be hung up, and if he can manage- some with Quiet!Reader and their friends during important parts of their life.

No one is safe from the guilt and anguish Alfred seeks to cause to not only have the Batfam look for you, but most importantly, to finally notice you.

Let's just say, things work out a little too well.

---

As for Waiting!Reader? Oh man, I've been wanting to rant about them for a while!

Unlike the reader in the "Not [ ]" series and Quiet!Reader, Waiting!Reader had some semblance of a life before getting adopted into the Batfam. Though the idea and character themself isn't musically inclined/involved in music, or even all that interested in music for that matter- for the sake of this ask, lets say they are!

I won't dabble too much into the life Waiting!Reader had before the Batfam, as if I do end up writing them I'd also like to keep some details vague (for the sake of leaving it up to interpretation and everything), but just know that during the time they were still with their original family, they were essentially taught that they should 'wait their turn', and eventually their parents would spend time with them and care for them. Hence the little name I've given them.

So! When they get to the Manor and are officially adopted, only to be neglected and ignored during their first few attempts- because of their young age, they immediately think "oh! they're just like mom and dad!" So they 'wait' for 'their turn', believing that eventually, should they wait long enough, they'll be rewarded with bonding and such from the Batfam just as they were with their previous parents.

This mindset changes what they do as well, as Waiting!Reader even goes out of their way to not bother anyone, or "get in the way" of whatever they could be doing. Waiting!Reader treats the situation so much like their previous home life, that sometimes they might even forget that the Batfam are completely different people from their parents. The only real difference that they can think of is that they're not acknowledged at all and it seems like their 'turn' never comes. Though for a while that doesn't get them down. The Batfam is busy like they're parents were! Waiting!Reader is sure that when things die down then they'll have their time.

... Hopefully.

I can imagine that part of the reason why Waiting!Reader holds on to hope for so long is because, again, their own parents constantly reassured them that they would have their time eventually. That if they behaved, and stayed out of the way, then they would go somewhere fun with their parents and essentially be rewarded for their efforts. They were conditioned to wait, to be patient, and just comply until those around them decided to actually take care of them, and spend time with them.

Of course, as they grow up the reality of the situation does hit them eventually, but during that time they do try.

Waiting!Reader helps Alfred around the house, and so they mostly bond over doing chores, among other things. They are also more mindful, and try to keep the amount of noise they back down— so they actually don't play at the Manor all that often, and instead play literally anywhere else. If and when they do play outside, around the area of the Manor like in the gardens or something, they make sure no one is around before even thinking of playing.

Alfred does help them break a few of their habits that they got while living with their parents, but the one thing he can't seem to 'fix' is how absolutely quiet Waiting!Reader is when they walk around. Which, as on can imagine, doesn't exactly help in a situation where the whole family, except for the butler, is neglecting you.

The amount of times Waiting!Reader has caught Alfred off guard is more then you'd think for someone that works with the Dark Knight, and his various sidekicks and such, over the years. Which does say something, sure, but it's also funny!

Regardless, similar to Quiet!Reader, Waiting!Reader is able to start their musical career earlier than normal, and thuse becomes a little more popular than they would originally. However, they're more known for their live performances and giving back to the community. Seemingly just like Bruce as they attend charity event after charity event, and try to do good by the people.

Waiting!Reader also does genuinely try to become a vigilante as well, but they do so in a way where they only take care of the smaller/medium guys, and leave the bigger ones to the rest of the Batfam. This is because they want to remove possible distractions for their family, and while they would try to take on "bigger guys", they don't think they're skilled enough or experienced enough to even think about it. So they don't even try. (They also don't have the same theme as the Batfam- since they don't want to 'ruin' their reputation with what they're doing or something. Which does hell them further detach themself from the family later on.)

I'd say that with Waiting!Reader, the difference between them and the Batfam is more clear to them? Like, to them, the Batfam are just so good at what they do that they have no hope of reaching them. So instead of trying to reach for them, they just do their own thing and try to help in their own way.

Because Waiting!Reader takes care of smaller guys, they are kind of closer to Waiting!Reader as a vigilante.

The best way I can put it is that while the community trusts Batman and the members of the Batfam to save their city, they trust Waiting!Reader to save their homes.

So basically- Batfam is the bigger picture while Waiting!Reader focuses on the smaller picture.

Nevertheless! Also like Quiet!Reader, Waiting!Reader actually leaves earlier. Except when they leave, they leave.

Waiting!Reader straight up leaves Gotham City to attend the college that they want to go to, in an area that has more opportunity for them, that isn't close to where the Batfam lives or patrols.

So they not only leave earlier, but it also takes the Batfam longer to find them. Especially because Waiting!Reader does still do some things in Gotham, they just don't live there anymore.

I feel like out of all three readers, Waiting!Reader definitely feels like the kind of person that someone would assume is some kind of "Phantom of the Wayne Manor," y'know?

So Alfred definitely tries to make the Batfam feel bad like he does with Quiet!Reader. Except how anyone in the Batfam is reminded that Waiting!Reader even exists, and that they've been gone for a while now is through a letter that is accidentally sent to the Wayne Manor from one of Waiting!Reader's fans. From there, some research does start and the more the Batfam learns, the more they want to go and find the reader- you know the deal.

I hope this answered your question even if I really did ramble on this time- if you'd like me to clarify anything or go into more detail on a specific part, feel free to send in an ask!

[tjlnn22]

An Analyis of the Ending of "The Killing Joke"

This scene is one I've wanted to get my thoughts written out on for a while and one of the most interesting in all of DC comics from how important it is to understanding both the characters of Batman and the Joker.

So, this scene is the finale of the oneshot comic "The Killing Joke" By Alan Moore, and is directly preceeded by Batman once again foiling the Joker's evil plan, beating him both verbally and physically before then kicking him to the ground to seemingly knock him out.

For what then follows, I will post the full comic pages so you can absorb the scene first.

Ah, the infamous cutaway that leaves the ending so open to interpretation. But what exactly does all of this mean? Well, I'll give my interpretation:

The scene starts in the same way as many other fights between Batman and Joker have concluded. Joker gets defeated, Batman saves the day, the clown prince of crime will get chucked back into Arkham until he inevitably breaks out once again, and then they'll do the whole thing over. "You know, I think you and I are destined to do this forever", that's how their story always goes. However, this time things are different.

This time, Batman doesn't beat Joker senseless, even though cosnidering what Joker spent that evening doing to his friends and family, he would richly deserve a good beating by anyone's estimation. Joker expects that of Batman as well, and he accepts the beating and re-imprisonment that he's sure is coming his way, because that's how it's always been. And yet instead, this time Batman chooses to talk with him. He tells Joker the facts of the situation, that despite everything, he actually doesn't WANT to hurt him, and knows that if they keep going down their current path, one of them will eventually kill the other. Batman knows it, and he knows that Joker knows it too, and he doesn't want that to be the case, because above everything else Batman values preserving human life as a goal equal to and often greater than stopping crime. He doesn't want to kill Joker, it would go against everything he stands for, but he knows with every encounter they share that possibiltiy grows more and more likely.

In a similar fashion, the Joker doesn't actually want to kill Batman either. Despite how he may play the part of wanting otherwise, the entire story of the comic up until this point has been about Joker trying to prove a point to Batman. That deep down, everyone can become him, that all it takes is one bad day to turn even the most moral man alive into the Joker. whether this is because Joker genuinely believes this, or it is meant to simply justify and excuse who he himself became from his own tragedy, is never really confirmed, though it is most likely a bit of both.

Either way, we see that Joker is not happy at all by Batman attempting to talk to him instead of beating him. In fact, he's practically sulking. Now, is this due to the fact that his big plan just failed, sure, at least partly. However, there is something else going on as well. All of Joker's plans fail sooner or later, this is no exception. It's something he expects despite coming up with a new one every week. This time though, he genuinely looks depressed, and this is in part due to Batman breaking the magic of their routine. By speaking to him like anyone else, by reaching out to Joker, Batman is attempting to fundamentally change their relationship forever. Batman wants it to end, he doesn't want to keep fighting Joker until it kills one of them, he wants Joker to stop. But Joker doesn't want to stop, he doesn't want Batman to die or stop chasing him because the relationship he has with Batman is all he has left. He has no real friends, no goals outside of plans to mess with Batman more, he has nothing outside of his role as Batman's arch enemy, and he knows it.

And yet, despite all that, when Batman genuinely reaches out to him, appeals to the fact that their lives were both heavily affected by past tragedies and offers Joker help to try and move past that, to be better, even after all the atrocities he's committed, despite all that... Joker actually seems to consider his offer. We can see this by his hesitation, and the fact that he doesn't just laugh it off right away or make fun of Batman as he would any other time.

This time, Joker seems to consider the offer, and turns dead serious in a moment that is probably the most normal display of genuine human emotion we get from him, and he tells Batman that he's sorry. Joker genuinely apologizes for not being able to take Batman up on his offer, looking like he's about to cry as he declares that it's far too late for him to take any offer Batman could give him.

The question is, why? Why is this time so different, why does Joker seem to actually consider Batman's offer and reject it in such a human manner? Well, I truly believe the answer is clearly seen in the joke that the conversation with Batman reminds him of. I will go through it line by line and give my interpretation.

"See, there were these two guys locked in a lunatic asylum" I think this obviously is referring to Batman and Joker. They are the characters of this joke/story, the conversation between them reminded Joker of this joke (or he just came up with it on the spot to suit their situation, but regardless) and they are also the only two characters in the panel where that line is said. In this case, the 'asylum' in question would be their rivalry, their roles as Batman and Joker and everything that comes along with that. Makes sense, none of the things either of them do in those roles are things that normal, sane people do, and both of them were traumatized in their lives by horrible events and spiraled into becoming the Batman and Joker because of it.

"And one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore, they decide they're going to escape." This is a clear metaphor for ending their roles as Batman and Joker, perhaps just for that particular rivalry or all together. Escaping the asylum means returning to the normal, happy lives they had before their trauma. Batman has already stated he wants to end his fighting with Joker, however the fact that both men in the story wish to leave the asylum together implies that Joker also secretly wants that too, which is very interesting as we go on.

"So like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight, stretching to freedom." Given that Joker is looking at the moon shining over Gotham as he says this, I think it's clear that the 'freedom' here is living a normal human life the same way all the civilians of Gotham try to every day. It's about having a chance to be better, to do better and make something of your life everyday beyond the endless cycle that he and Batman are trapped in with each other. As long as that cycle exists, they can never truly be free, even though the Joker can break out of Arkham whenever he wants and do practically whatever he wants until Batman stops him. Their rivalry prevents either of them from ever being free.

"Now the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend daredn't make the leap. Y'see, y'see he's afraid of falling." This is where we see Joker differentiate himself and Batman in the story, and how their situations in life currently exist. Batman is the first guy who is able to escape the asylum and return to the city fairly easily, whenever he desires. This is because that, unlike Joker, Batman has his life as Bruce Wayne to live and fall back onto. He has many friends and a large family both adopted and biological who rely on him and give him something good and happy to live for. He can leave the asylum because he sees the light on the other side, he has hope and knowledge that things will turn out alright if he does. But Joker does not. Joker doesn't have another life to live, no family and no friends to fall back on and lift him up. All his life consists of is the asylum and Batman, the other man right along with him. He knows nothing else, and so it seems impossible for him to ever jump across to the other side and join Batman in freedom.

However, it goes beyond that. Joker isn't scared to leave the asylum because it's all he knows, in fact he's just as eager to leave it with Batman. What he is afraid of though, is FALLING as he jumps across. What does falling mean in this case? Well since escaping the asylum would mean ditching the roles of Batman and Joker and returning to a normal life, falling would be failing to do just that, failing so hard that it sends him plummeting right back down, either to death or to being left alone and away from the safety of the asylum and more importantly the companionship of Batman. if he falls but Batman doesn't, he'll be left lost and alone, pointless and forgotten, and that's what Joker fears by leaving the asylum.

"So then the first guy has an idea. He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk across the beam and join me!" This part of the metaphor I believe is meant to represent Batman's offer of help to the Joker, the therapy/rehabilitation that's intended to help him get better. In this case though, the help is being represented by something that has little actual effect. You can't walk across a beam of light to cross over to another building, in the joke it's only meant to stop the second guy's fear of falling. It isn't actually a real bridge to freedom, just an illusion of one that Joker thinks Batman is giving him.

However, than we get to the punchline.

"B-but the second guy shakes his head. He suh-says, he says, 'wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was halfway across!"

And here we get the real reason why Joker can't take Batman's offer, why he can't join him in freedom outside of the asylum. It isn't because he doesn't think the help Batman is offering him would work. The beam of light not being a real bridge to walk across isn't the problem in his eyes. The problem, is that believes that if he tried to walk across it, Batman would shut it off and let him fall. Because what Joker is truly scared of, isn't that the help Batman's offering him wouldn't work, he's scared that the help might actually have a chance at working, that he may have a way to get out of the asylum for good, but that Batman will give up on him before he reaches the other side.

He's afraid that the only person in the world who genuinely cares about him and wants to help him, will end up giving up on him and forgetting him if he tries to get better. We can see that in the way Joker delivers the punchline, turned around to stare directly into Batman's face with a disturbed, crushing smile of realization on his face while the symbol of freedom that is Gotham, bathed in the light of the moon sits directly behind him, just out of reach. He's accusing/telling Batman of why he's afraid, that he could never trust him enough to actually try and rehabilitate him, and he's laughing because he knows there's no way out of this.

And Batman, once the joke finally hits him, realizes the exact same thing. He knows then that Joker will never actually be able to be helped, there is nothing he can do for him because Joker will never trust him enough to let himself be helped. There is no way out of this for them now that Batman's final appeal to peace has been turned down by a man to broken to realize it was his way to a better life, a free life.

And so, knowing now how their story will end, Batman does the one thing that Joker always wanted from him, and breaks his role as Batman for just a moment. He shares in a final laugh with Joker as he puts his hands on his shoulders, up by Joker's neck, and the two laugh and laugh together until the scene cuts away and their laughter cuts off equally as quick.

Now, did Batman kill Joker here? The single question everyone tends to ask when they read this scene. Now, canonically we know that, no, Batman does not kill him, Joker returns again and again after this, but in this case I do fully believe that the creator of this comic, Alan Moore (the same man who wrote Watchmen), did likely intend for that to be the ending. The fact that the scene opens with Batman acknowledging that their relationship will end in death, and that the only way out of that is for Joker to accept his proposal I think seals the intent of the ending pretty well. Joker Can't accept his proposal, because the trust between them that would be necessary for that is something that could never truly be built up as they exist in their roles as Batman and Joker. They both know this, and so Batman ends their relationship and breaks his one rule by freeing Joker the only way left it is possible to free him, in death.

So, as much as I personally think that having Batman kill at all is a fundamental no no that you just can't do with his character because it goes against everything he stands for, I think this as an intended ending by Alan Moore to the relationship of Batman and Joker works very well. It is one of many endings in across many comics. Is it my favourite? No, though I would put it in my top three. however, I do think that this is the meaning that Moore was trying to convey in this scene, and I truly believe he does a beautiful job at conveying it!

[absolutely-not-my-main-blog]

Writing this on my phone at work so a lil jumbled but one of the things that really does make Macdennis one of the greatest will-they-won't-theys in tv history and why it doesn't annoy me they haven't gotten together yet even this far in when I would usually be pulling out my hair in other cases much earlier on is that it doesn't fall into a lot of the common pitfalls of the genre because in most shows, you *know* the characters are going to be together from the start and they don't actually have a solid reason why it can't happen sooner, other than they need to drag it out for the show, so rather than use the tools they have and naturally play off the existing tension between characters, they almost always feel the need to throw in arbitrary, extraneous, and often frustrating external obstacles instead, like a series of random cardboard cutout boyfriends/girlfriends/wrong place/wrong times that last entire arcs over and over again for the *sole purpose* of keeping them apart and being like not yet tee hee, to the point where you're just like okay, okay, get on with it, already, but with Sunny, almost every obstacle is *internal* (or based on already built in external factors that affect them internally and haven't just been fabricated on the spot to create problems in the relationship): Mac's struggles with his sexuality and religion, both their parents' intense homophobia and neglect, Dennis' past experience of being sexually assaulted, and his fear of being perceived as anything less than perfect in a society he's learned he has to hide from/always be stealthy in, lest you be taken advantage of or hurt, in general that societal expectation, you will get married to a woman (Maureen), start a family, live a "normal" nuclear life, that's how the story goes, etc. etc. not to mention the culture of the time the show itself first aired, network tv of 2005, they didn't start with this endgame in mind, practically unheard of that they would ever get together in any official capacity even if they did, so they were able to grow separately from each other before starting to grow together, naturally inclined toward each other, yet just as naturally held back by themselves and the world that made them this way. But eventually... they outlived that world, and after being so used to standing still, now they're struggling to keep up, to find themselves, to find their place in an environment they no longer recognize, and to reconcile the fact that maybe they don't have to hide anymore, maybe they don't have to be miserable, to run away, it's okay it's okay, but it was not okay for so long, they need time. And I'll get into the parallels more another time because I'm obsessed with them, but in Waiting for Godot (and in turn Big Mo), there's the theme of "The whole world changes, only we can't," but Mac comes out, Dennis claims back his heart, Big Mo shows up, so maybe they can maybe they can, and that change is necessary before anything else can move forward. And god, do I have a lot more to say on *that* topic and theme of change, but I'm saving it for a full essay, god willing🤞

[soybento]

So. Here's the Thing. The drama SEVERELY changed parts of the MDZS novel. Enough that Wei Wuxian's character AND as a result (off the top of my head), Jin Guangyao, Madam Yu, Jiang Cheng and even Su She's character. This is going to be a whole thesis so here we go.

Let's start with one of the largest topics of debate in the fandom, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, and specifically Wei Wuxian's position in the Jiang Clan and the heat about Jiang Cheng's actions. In the novel, Yu Furen doesn't like him for her husband's preference of Wei Wuxian over Jiang Cheng (this is the same in the drama) and his supposed previous love interest, Wei Wuxian's mother (debated, ambiguous). Added to this is Wei Wuxian's ambiguous position in the clan. Jiang Fengmian never specifies what his rank/position is (as other people have pointed out) and as a result, all the Jiang Clan members kind of...have their own relationship w/ him courtesy of their own projections. For example, Yanli's relationship with Wei Wuxian is the simplest, mostly because she's the daughter, not a strong cultivator and is destined to eventually leave the Jiang Clan. She chooses him as her brother. For everybody else? It's a lot more complicated. Yu Furen (understandably if not justifiably) does not want to treat Wei Wuxian as her own son (aforementioned reasons). She sees him as a threat to her son's right of inheritance and also, doesn't trust the origin of his birth. This is definitely Jiang Fengmian's fault since he took in his servant's son but also not exactly since it's complicated by their close friendship and his unreciprocated feelings for Cangse Sanren. Consequently, Yu Ziyuan projects her insecurities not only on Wei Wuxian but also Jiang Cheng (we know this) and constantly compares the two of them. She wants her son to be better.

Jiang Cheng is a product of his parents and sister's relationship w/ Wei Wuxian but what I think the drama changes is the fact that Jiang Cheng cares for Wei Wuxian as a *martial brother* and a future right hand man. He gets the brother stuff because his sister has loved Wei Wuxian as her didi, he gets the firm ideas of Wei Wuxian's future position in the Jiang Clan from his mother (and also the lack of denial from Jiang Fengmian himself). He doesn't see Wei Wuxian as a brother *only*. Instead, he partially projects duty and destiny onto him because of how they were raised. This is why I don't think it was wrong of him to refuse to take in the Wen Remnants. He had a duty to the Jiang Clan that he chose to prioritize to keep himself out of the political tension that Wei Wuxian was in the center of. He didn't see it as disowning a brother but as a strategic withdrawal from the situation for his sect. Say what you will about him but I don't believe that he's unjustified in wanting to ensure the safety of his Sect (especially as clan leader). Growing up, Jiang Cheng did get a lot of conflicting opinions on his own worth. He fell short in almost all his relationships because he would approach Wei Wuxian w/ the anger and competitiveness his mother expected of him only to disappoint his sister who expected them to be siblings in the truest sense of the word. He disappointed his mother because he *did* see Wei Wuxian as more than just his fellow disciple, not just a future servant. He didn't disappoint his father but his father never made his affection for Jiang Cheng clear and this lack of communication led him to draw his own conclusions on Jiang Fengmian's preferences.

My issue with the drama is that much of this is not clearly defined or explained. He is villainized for his eventual estrangement with Wei Wuxian because we're operating from the assumption that his feelings for Wei Wuxian *are* of the sibling kind and not the messy duty vs martial brother type. His position is understandable after reading more of the novel. Plus all the changes about the siege led by him (which I'll talk abt) and Nightless City and the Qiongqi Pathway Ambush and him rejecting the Wen Remnants. And the ending at Guanyin Temple makes sense. Wei Wuxian is released from his commitments to the Jiang Clan and that is the kindest thing Jiang Cheng could do for him (again, others have pointed this out, I'm simply reiterating it). Because Wei Wuxian *does* care for Jiang Cheng as a brother but his feelings for him are also complicated by duty and obligation to the Jiang Clan and dealing w/ the complicated myriad of expectations from the Jiang family. That and less of him being a brother is what leads Jiang Cheng to think Wei Wuxian betrayed him. It's like he betrayed his duty to the Jiang Clan and not just their brotherly commitments.

Now coming to the second point, it's the drama's portrayal of Wei Wuxian as a martyr. And he can be but he's so much more complex than that. To start with, I believe his character would not have endeared himself to me as much if I hadn't started with the drama but now, I enjoy the complexity of the novel Wei Wuxian more. For example, novel villains Su She and Jin Guangyao are a lot more complex than portrayed in the drama. Because the drama kind of made them scapegoats (ironic as they portray Wei Wuxian that way) for Wei Wuxian's continued innocence. The Ambush at the Qiongqi Path is so much more complex than in the drama. Jin Guangyao *does* set it up and Su She curses Jin Zixun out of spite and Wei Wuxian *is* wrongfully cornered. But he also loses control of Wen Ning and accidentally kills Jin Zixuan all because he loses control of his emotions. I won't comment on whether this is right or wrong because Wei Wuxian was cornered. He was fighting his way out of an ambush. He made mistakes like escalating the situation by antagonizing Jin Zixun, not believing Jin Zixuan wanted to help him, and not calling off Wen Ning when asked to by Jin Zixuan (because he believed he'd be shot by the archers) and accusing Jin Zixuan of working w/ Jin Zixun to ambush him. By taking away these mistakes in the drama, it takes away the complexity of the situation and what the choices say about him. Jin Guangyao did not intend for Jin Zixuan and Wei Wuxian's confrontation to end the way it did. He wanted to put Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun against each other in the novel (correct me if I'm wrong tho). He isn't innocent of course but his motivations make more sense than him just killing Wei Wuxian on behalf of his father with no deeper mechanations at play.

Secondly, the battle at the Nightless City. In the drama (and possibly in the novel but this isn't confirmed) he commits suicide but the timeline is important. He does lose control of his puppets in Nightless City and making Jin Guangyao the scapegoat for his loss of control *again* simplifies his character as someone that can do no wrong and is hopelessly plotted against by the rest of the world. The puppet that hurts Yanli (not fatally) is one that Wei Wuxian has lost control of and not one that's been controlled by Guangyao or Xue Yang or Su She. She sacrifices herself to save him and he *then* slaughters the rest. After he finds that Wen Ning and Wen Qing have died and they plan on leading a siege on the rest of the Wens, he raises the corpses and loses control and accidentally hurts Yanli who asks him to stop. He tries, she dies, and then he slaughters a bunch of people.

And in the novel, there are a few months between the Nightless City Massacre and his death. He defends the Wens from the siege led by Jiang Cheng (and *this* is the siege that he leads which makes MUCH more sense than the siege he supposedly led in Nightless City as shown in the drama) and when they die and he realizes he's going to lose, he kills himself (probably out of guilt?).

The implications of this are major. His sister's death doesn't push him into suicide, it pushes him into war (and Wen Qing and Wen Ning's death). It's the wtf this is a lost cause I'm fucked and everyone I wanted to protect is dead that eventually pushes him into death.

Looking at this from Jiang Cheng's perspective things make a lot more sense. He is under the (almost rightful?) assumption that Wei Wuxian lost control and killed Jin Zixuan (also Jin Zixun but lol fuck that guy). He is also not clear on the details of the ambush and while we don't know this, is given the same explanation for the ambush as everyone else. That Wei Wuxian cursed Jin Zixun. And Wei Wuxian does say that if he killed Jin Zixun he'd do it a thousand times better (worse). Following this, Jiang Cheng's sister is hurt and while her actual death is a choice that she makes, he blames Wei Wuxian for it.

I won't deny that Jiang Cheng is morally ambiguous but so is Wei Wuxian and so is Jin Guangyao and Su She. The drama is almost a softer, nicer version of the novel where the protagonist is the hero and not just the person whose perspective we're getting. But in doing so, Su She, Jin Guangyao and Jiang Cheng's character are changed to fit the narrative.

What the drama also doesn't get across is that demonic cultivation isn't a good idea!!! Lan Qiren, as much as I dislike him for his rules or whatever, did have a point. It goes against the natural order of things, there's a reason why demonic cultivation should not be taught and why Wei Wuxian never took in disciples. It would result in cultivators like Xue Yang. When drama says that Jiang Cheng was hunting and killing off demonic cultivators because he hated Wei Wuxian, it takes away from the fact that demonic cultivation does actually harm the body and soul! It does in fact require human sacrifices! Just because Wei Wuxian didn't use any does not mean that the others won't! Jiang Cheng is sure to have had a personal motivation but fanon misses that those accounts have been of the crowd and the cultivation world, not from Jiang Cheng directly. His killing of the demonic cultivators was likely not as simple as fuck that guy, I hate everyone like him.

Finally, Yanli. Surprised? I have a lot of thoughts on her though so I'm gonna have to keep going. She's at the centre of the storm and also severely sidelined. She's a motif and she's a character fighting to make choices that the world does not allow women and especially women that aren't cultivators. I think thinking of the story from *her* perspective (novel or canon) makes my appreciation for her even deeper. She is, despite Wei Wuxian's perception of her, a flawed character. But she's flawed in the same way everyone else is. She grows up in a volatile family and her mother doesn't share her sentiments but she chooses to love Wei Wuxian as a brother. Although she means well, this brings about a conflict of interest for Jiang Cheng. She's perceived as this all forgiving character by Wei Wuxian and it makes sense, we're looking at his POV *but* it takes away from the fact that she consciously chooses to be that way. I think her character brings about some very interesting ideas in society about womanhood and specifically motherhood. Her role in Wei Wuxian's life is more motherly than it is sisterly and thus, her sacrifices are almost expected. What comes to mind is that her feelings on things really aren't considered. Remember when Jiang Cheng lost his golden core? Wei Wuxian comes in and he sits across from her and he tells her that this is all his fault. She's dealing w/ the loss of her parents, her brother's sudden injury and her worry over Wei Wuxian. But she's gotta tell him gently that no, that's not true. In reality, this isn't ABOUT Wei wuxian. His continued insistence that things are his fault does bring about a degree of self centeredness because it takes away from where his attention should be. After he kills her husband, his focus is on his own guilt over his actions but less on her pain (I'm not condemning him, I'm just pointing it out). Being a martyr (as depicted in the drama not the novel as much) is incredibly selfless but also incredibly selfish. When the audience doesn't see this, Jiang Yanli's actions almost seem expected. Of course she's gotta see him for the person that he is and know that he didn't mean it etc. But these expectations take away from the very real choices she makes to continue to forgive and love and forgive. She does this with Jin Zixuan and although from Wei Wuxian's perspective, he sees it as she's too nice and kind and forgiving, it takes away from the fact that she *CHOOSES* to forgive him and it doesn't just happen as a part of her character profile. Being kind is a choice, not a personality trait. Being nice and agreeable and open etc can be personality. but altruism? That shit is where the credit is due.

The narrative does minimize her (I'm not sure if this is intentional) by making her an accessory to Wei Wuxian's development. She's sidelined during important moments like the war, the rebuilding of Lotus Pier, even the times that their parents die. She steps in when Wei Wuxian or Jiang Cheng need help or a guiding hand. She steps away when the story has to focus on other conflict. She could've easily turned against Wei Wuxian for killing her husband but she chooses to see him again and later, die for him. Jiang Cheng uses her in his own way, and so does Wei Wuxian. I do not particularly mean this as a criticism but I think it's worth noting that Jiang Yanli was a traditionally feminine character whose strength was a very conscious choice on her part and is not more or less than if she had chosen to go into war w/ the rest of them. If she didn't hold back on so many things like not protesting her engagement, playing a supporting role and staying in the background for much of the narrative until the death of her husband pushes her into the spotlight, waiting for her brothers to get back from war, waiting for Wei Wuxian to tell her what's wrong when he comes to Lotus Pier and fights w/ Jiang Cheng and seems to, supposedly, not want to be there, the story would've been different. Idk different how but definitely different. She chooses not to take up space and thus, narrative attention. She doesn't push, and she doesn't demand, and she defends quietly. I think that's why traditionally feminine characters are kind of a double edged sword when perceived. Are these qualities inherent? If yes, then they're taken for granted and...minimized. Are they chosen? If yes, then it begs the question of what a traditionally feminine character is at all. Sacrifice, standing back to let other people shine, being quiet and letting other people's actions (even those that you love) control what happens in your life. I cannot imagine that these are traits that someone is simply born with and thus, give Jiang Yanli credit because she chose to be that way!!

Ending this with, I don't believe there's a wrong medium with better or worse portrayals of the characters. I think I like the drama for some of its kinder aspects and the novel for its complexity. I just think it's important to note that Wei Wuxian is more than a martyr, Jiang Cheng more than his brother (he's in his own right a sect leader and plays an important role outside of his relation to Wei Wuxian) and Jiang Yanli more than a mother figure. And we love Lan Wangji ofc, sorry he didn't get a mention. Give more thought to characters like Jin Guangyao and Su She (yes Ik ik) and Xue Yang as portrayed in the novel. There's a theme here of classism that I don't think is appreciated enough.

The very point of this post is not to condemn or acquit any of the characters. It's just to point out how none of them are black and white.

That's it for now and I hope I didn't forget/mistake any of the details in the drama or novel!!

[zeroeightzeroone]

can't love you anymore - lee minho

genre: angst

pairings: non-idol!lee minho x gender neutral reader

warnings: one mention of alcohol

notes: if this looks familiar, it was originally posted to my secondary blog @zerothreetwentyfive so i'm republishing everything here on my main blog.

wc ~1.2k | moodboard

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:

minho: hey, i'm gonna be there later than we planned the senior coworkers invited me out for drinks, you know i can't risk saying no to them sorry baby

the messages left you feeling indifferent.

in all honesty, you didn't really care that he would be coming later than planned; considering that this wouldn't be the first time pre-organized plans needed to be postponed or cancelled. by either of you.

of course, the disappointment had set in the first couple of times but eventually, it happened so often that it was to be expected. whether it be on the day of or a couple of hours before, a text or call would be incoming to the other's phone: both methods contained an explanation followed by a short apology. a brief "that's okay" or something similar in response.

you: it's fine get here safely later

minho: thank you baby, i'll see you later

it's become glaringly obvious that both of you were increasingly growing tired of the half-hearted apologies and the effortless responses that followed.

minho: i love you

you: i love you too

sometimes you found yourself wondering when your relationship started to feel like a chore.

when did exchanging words of affection become a part of the routine?

the words "i'm sorry" and "i love you" felt like more of a formality, the appropriate and go-to response between you two. the significance the words once held only faded into obscurity. the hints of remorse and urge to reconcile were gone, the words of affection and dedication now devoid of any meaning, falling flat when uttered. 

as usual, you choose to disregard those fleeting thoughts, using the hours before minho arrives to straighten out and clean up your apartment: throwing clothes into the washer and dryer, changing the sheets and cleaning whatever you saw fit.

at the same time you were trekking around through the unit looking for things to occupy yourself, minho found himself sitting in a grilled meat restaurant. the man seated surrounded by senior coworkers from different departments, the table full of a variety of meat cuts, side dishes and alcohol.

once all your household tasks are completed, you make your way into the living room and switch on the lights to illuminate the apartment unit. you settle down onto the couch, positioned next to the large windows, resting your cheek against your palm as you take in the view of the city.

the sky is slowly beginning to darken as the sun sets behind the skyline, your pointer finger tracing the droplets of rain trickling down the opposite side of the glass pane. the gentle pitter-patter of the raindrops and the pleasant aroma permeating through the crack of the opened window create a soothing environment within your apartment.

a series of soft vibrations captures your attention, drawing your gaze from the window to your phone. you pick it up from the couch armrest as the screen illuminates:

incoming call: minho

accepting the call, you bring the phone up to your ear.

"hello?" you speak into the microphone, "where are you?"

minho slips into the car and you hear the sound of rain-soaked cars and city chatter through his microphone. you catch a bit of his conversation with the cab driver before the door slams.

"i'm in a cab," he finally replies, another set of murmurs directed to the driver before his attention is back on you, "where are you?"

"i'm at home."

"okay, good. i told the driver to go there," minho's voice is dull, laced with exhaustion as he stares out the foggy windows of the taxi.

"are you sure?" you remove the phone from your ear, glancing at the time, "it's almost… 11pm, and it's raining like crazy outside."

"i'll be fine," minho brushes you off, "i'm already on the way."

suddenly you hear the man gasp.

"what? what's going on?"

minho's phone had dropped from his hold, landing next to him.

the impact had travelled through the microphone resulting in a thud on your end, followed by the sound of frantic movement. on the other end of the line, minho is patting down his coat, and his pants; focusing on the pocketed areas, before hurriedly flipping through his bag.

"shit," minho curses, "sir-"

"what's going on, minho?" you ask, even though he can't hear you.

the device is still resting next to him on the seat. your nosiness gets the best of you as you press the phone closer, as if that would help you hear any better.

"i'm so sorry but…" the rest of minho's sentence is inaudible, rendering you unable to decipher the conversation he's having with the driver.

you hear the car screech right before minho picks the phone up again, holding it up to his ear.

"what happened?" you wonder, brows knit together in confusion.

"i left my wallet at the bar," minho grumbles, "didn't realize 'till we drove away so we gotta go back.… hopefully it's still there." 

minho whispers the last part to himself, running a frantic hand through his hair.

"anyway, i'll be there soon," he clears his throat.

an audible sigh leaves your lips and travels down the line, prompting minho to say:

"i'm sorry."

"hmm…?" you hum, "for what?"

"just–" he pauses, thinking for a moment before continuing, "everything..."

you're wracking your brain to think of what to respond to minho, the apology catching you off guard.

it felt different.

the way he apologized was different from before.

this time it had meaning and intention behind it. you understood what he meant by "everything" without the need of any further explanation.

"just… go home minho," you breath out, "get your wallet and go home."

you don't have to say anything else.

there's no need to stand firm on your word as minho doesn't ask if you're sure, he doesn't insist on coming over.

instead, the line falls quiet. neither of you utter a word or make a move to break the connection.

you both just sit on the line silently.

the air between you and minho is uncomfortable and suffocating. leading minho to think the cab driver's picked up on the tense atmosphere as he clears his throat, fingers tapping on the wheel.

what a perfect time to be caught in traffic.

much like your plans, the end had been postponed and cancelled countless times.

you hoped to salvage what once was but every kiss, hug, and touch became meaningless.

"oh, hey–" your voices are low, barely even whispers as you and minho choose to break the silence at the same time.

your faces burning up as you both stammer, pushing the other to speak first.

"sorry…you first," you whisper.

"no, no. you."

you're sitting with your knees drawn up to your chest. in the cab, minho sits with his legs spread, tapping his fingers rhythmically on his thigh. his eyes blink slowly in anticipation.

"i– uh… never mind."

"no, what is it?"

"i don't think we're in love anymore."

there it is.

that one sentence changes everything, saying everything you both needed to, no further explanation is needed.

you both sit on the line as the silence makes an appearance in the atmosphere once again, only this time it's different; it's still, comforting, void of the suffocating weight it once had a few moments ago.

meanwhile, the storm outside progressively gets worse as the minutes pass. inevitably, the rain picks up, leaving you both with those last moments of silence in each other's presence before the signal cuts off.

the connection was lost.

main masterlist

[anincompletelist]

Hi! Um do you have any recs for Eddie and venom 🥹 your recent reblogs are giving me cravings lol

OH BOY DO I EVER! :D

I also have a firstprince x venom pwp that's like 90% finished if that's your thing but if not --

here's a few that I've loved reading/re-reading recently (though I've got SO many more on the to-read)!!!

obligatory disclaimer to check tags before reading since venom is, y'know, venom <333

Withdrawal by dragongummy [e, 9k]

Eddie tries to convince himself that it is something they don't want or need. He fails.

+

will you chew until it bleeds? by brawlight [e, 7k]

Venom drags Eddie into a seedy club out of sheer curiosity. Trying to make the most of a night he didn't choose for himself, Eddie tries to get laid. Instead, he gets mugged. Afterwards, Venom doesn't let Eddie feel too disappointed about the missed opportunity

+

that blessed arrangement by pepperfield [t, 12k]

That’s us, Eddie, Venom says suddenly, with a bizarre amount of intensity. We’re like these two fools. Eddie squints at the screen for a second before he understands. “What, married?”

Venom is well aware that they live in a romantic comedy. Eddie isn’t, but he’ll get the picture eventually.

+

Heartthrob by ottergirl [t, 1k]

He feels encompassing when Eddie says that, he feels like there's no end to him. All that affection in Eddie's voice and the knowing, knowing he wants to be with Venom, wants to belong to Venom. Eddie calls Venom by a pet name, and Venom likes it. Maybe a little too much.

+

Closer than skin by Mottlemoth [e, 50k]

As Eddie settles into his new life as a host, his symbiote's growing interest in his body causes feelings he's unsure how to deal with. Being close is one thing; being intimate is another. Venom's company is everything and Eddie worries about blurring the line—then dreams and frustration start to blur it for him.

+

I also accidentally stumbled across a venom/Eddie/Peter Parker fic (Peter is aged up!!) which I wasn't expecting but thoroughly enjoyed, though I've only read the first two so far!

Along Came a Spider by barbaricyawp (collection, 3 works)

In which Eddie Brock is bad at his job, Peter Parker is in over his head, and Venom is hungry.

+

and if you feel so inclined to subscribe to my ao3 (because I may or may not share on here) I'll be posting my venom x fp fic soon!

happy reading friend!

x

[astra-galaxie]

🧸👽💝💔🎭🖕😭 for fili savage please, i'll remember to send reese's as a thank you(just keep it away from fili, trust me, we don't want our favorite giant going down)

I know I’ve said this before (at least I think I have), but I always find it funny how a last-minute OC becomes one of my most beloved ones! And I love Fili, too, so I’ll always expect him to be a request when I do one of these prompts!😊

(Don’t worry, Fili will be safe from the chocolate since those Reese’s will go straight into my stomach!😉)

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood

As a child, Fili didn’t have many friends, at least not many friends who weren't also his cousins. Due to being larger than the other kids in his classes, his obsession with plants, and being hospitalized on and off, no one tried being his friend. He did have one really good friend, a best friend, as he loved calling them. Sadly, they didn’t live in Ireland, but the two met when Fili’s friend was visiting Ireland with their family, and they became pen pals. Fili always looked forward to getting their letters and replying to them. The two are still friends to this day, and after Fili moved to the US, they were able to meet again.

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of there

He loves singing Irish folk songs. Sometimes, it's just humming, but if he really gets into it, he’ll start singing softly. Fili usually does it when he gets lost in his work, but also to fill the silence around him. Occasionally, he’ll forget the full lyrics, so he’ll just repeat the same line over and over. But it makes him happy so others don’t mind listening to repeats.

💝 A headcanon about their love language

Fili’s love language is acts of affection. He loves doing little things that make people happy and vice versa, even if it's simply cleaning the dish. However, his other way of showing love is through gift-giving, specifically flowers. He loves growing people’s favourite flower(s) and watching people’s happiness when they receive them. He always gives his Starlight new flowers for the special vase in their kitchen, and it's never without a beautiful bouquet.

💔 An angsty headcanon

Fili never thought he would find love. One of his biggest dreams was to find someone to spend the rest of his life with and to start a family with them. And while he did have some good relationships during his early twenties, none ever lasted. Something always brought the relationships to an end, and Fili began to believe he was destined to be alone… But then he met his Starlight, and it was as if the (pun intended) stars had finally aligned, and fate decided it was time for him to meet his soulmate. Eventually, his family would grow, and Fili couldn't be happier. He wishes he could tell his past self not to worry and that everything would work out when the time was right.

🎭 A headcanon about what they lie about

Fili is a very honest man and doesn’t lie much (except about being a Mage, but that’s for obvious reasons). However, one secret he will NEVER admit is that he lied to his parents in high school to attend a party. While they were out of town for the weekend, Fili lied and said he stayed home and studied for exams when they asked him what he did while they were gone. Fili vowed never to tell them that he went to the party since they didn’t like the classmate who hosted it, and besides, he didn’t have fun and left early anyway. Hopefully, they never find out the truth…

🖕 A headcanon relating to anger

While very much a “gentle giant,” Fili can get angry when the situation warrants it or if someone pushes him to anger. His anger is often represented as cold and intimidating as he tries not to yell or get violent. He knows his size is already threatening to others, and even if he’s angry, he doesn’t want to traumatize anyone. But that doesn't mean he won't use it to his advantage when he wants to. If you anger him enough and try to threaten him, Fili WILL put you in your place and make sure you know never to mess with him, his family, or his friends again.

(And he doesn't even need to use magic to do that, but it does help get his point across easier!)

😭 A headcanon about the worst thing that happened to them.

When he was captured by SOMBRA and put under the control of the inhibitor chip, Fili was almost always aware of what was happening around him and what his body was being forced to do. Watching SOMBRA experiment on him, force him to fight their recruits, and being in constant pain caused Fili to start dissociating as a way to try and cope with everything. Even after being rescued, he still dissociates due to his trauma, but thankfully, not as often or for as long.

And that’s a wrap on this batch of Fili headcanons! I know many of my readers are excited for his return in The Conspiracy, so hopefully, this will help with the waiting!

[natashasfilms]

Chapter One - Extreme Aggressor

Summary: FBI agent Leila faces a profound life change after giving birth to a baby girl, supported by her loving husband. Despite the challenges of motherhood, Leila returns to her role as a dedicated agent a few months later, ready to confront gruesome and haunting cases with the BAU team.

Pairing: BAU!Fem!OC x Male!OC , EVENTUAL Aaron Hotchner x BAU!Fem!OC (Like much later)

Warnings: This story contains mature themes such as sexual content, strong language, violence, mentions of alcohol and drugs, blood, gore, and death. All the usual Criminal Minds stuff. And there is NO CHEATING.

Note 1: I imagine Leila Kade as South Asian but I have decided to let you, the reader, imagine her appearance, hence the reason why I have not given her a face claim. However, her race does not affect the story, whatsoever. You, as the reader, are free to imagine her however you want. If you don't see her as South Asian, then that's fine. It won't affect the storyline. I also imagine the OC!Male as South Asian, but again, it won't affect the storyline.

Note 2: The team will consist of the main cast (Emily, Derek, JJ, Spencer, Penelope, Aaron, and Rossi) but will also include Elle Greenaway and Jason Gideon because they were some of my favorite characters and I wanted to include them with the rest of the team. Basically, Elle and Gideon never leave when Emily and Rossi join.

Note 3: There will be multiple time skips throughout this series. For example, the first chapter will begin on the first season and episode of the show but then there will be a time skip to later episodes (because there are obviously way too many episodes to write this series on and I wanted to include specific episodes that would help the plot of this story). This means that this series will be a slow burn romance but I believe it to be better this way. This will also stray from the actual show a lot, so don't expect it to follow the plot precisely.

Series Masterlist

Season 1, Episode 1

With a soft thud against the bed, Leila started giggling as she felt her husband's lips attack her neck. "Zaid." She gasped, tugging at his hair. "Slow down."

He chuckled in return, the vibration of his mouth sending chills down her body. "We haven't been able to have some time alone in so long, honey." He responded, only stopping his movements for a second to look down at her. "I love you."

Leila's eyes softened and she rubbed his cheek. "I love you, too." Then, she immediately smashed her lips against his, roughly, bringing his weight down on top of her. Leila and Zaid continued their heated embrace, their passion growing with each passing moment. However, their moment of intimacy was interrupted by the ringing of Leila's phone.

At first, they ignored it, hoping that whoever was calling would leave a message. But when the phone started ringing for the second time, Leila let out a frustrated sigh and reluctantly pulled away from Zaid, reaching for her phone.

"Sorry." She mouthed out, giving Zaid an apologetic look as she answered the call. "Agent Kade." She sighed, hearing the news about a new case on the other side of the line. "Alright, I'll be there."

As soon as the call ended, Leila let out another sigh and tossed her phone onto the nightstand. She looked back at Zaid who was now sitting at the edge of the bed, giving her a sad smile. "Sorry about that." She said to Zaid, crawling back into his arms.

"It's fine." He replied, pulling her close, though she knew that it wasn't fine. "We'll just have to make up for lost time another day." He pecked her lips. "It's what we get for having a job as a detective and an FBI agent, huh?"

She gave him a small smile before standing up. As Zaid stood up, the sound of a baby crying started to echo throughout the house. He quickly left the room, leaving Leila to change into more professional clothes as Zaid returned with a small human in his arms.

Leila's lips turned up, walking over to her two favorite people in the entire world. She reached out her arms to carry their three-month old baby, the little girl automatically stopping her crying as she was finally in her mother's arms. "Hi, baby." Leila softly spoke, kissing her forehead. "Mommy has to go to work."

Zaid smiled, his eyes full of love as he watched his two girls in front of him. He gave them both a kiss on the top of their heads, allowing Leila to lean against his embrace. He took their daughter, Jasmine, from Leila's arms, slowly rocking her as she started to cry again. "Hey, shhh…it's okay. Daddy's here, alright?"

Leila frowned, hating to leave them both behind again. She was on maternity leave for two months but now she had to return back to work. Sometimes, all she wished she could do was stay with her family. She loved her job as an FBI agent, but it caused her to almost never be home. Zaid was a detective so he wasn't always home either, however, he traveled less than Leila.

Finally kissing them both goodbye and grabbing her go-bag, she rushed out of their house. She got into her car and quickly drove to her destination.

Getting out of her car, she sees Aaron Hotchner waiting for her halfway on her walk to the building. "Did you talk to Gideon yet?" Leila asked, walking alongside him.

"Reid is getting him from his lecture at the moment." Aaron replied, holding the door open for her as they both entered the building. "Morgan's waiting for us."

Leila nodded and she immediately saw Derek walking towards them. "Hey, sweetheart. You don't look so happy." Derek teased, turning around to walk besides her. "Plans ruined?"

Leila chuckled, shaking her head. "Thought I was free until a certain phone call ruined my fun night."

Derek hummed. "Zaid and little Jas doing alright?"

"They're doing good." Leila answered, the thought of her husband and daughter bringing a smile onto her lips.

They walked into a room where they saw Reid and Gideon. "You're gonna be with us in Seattle ASAP." Aaron told Gideon, rummaging through the file in his hands. Gideon looked up and paused, before walking towards them.

Derek handed him a photo of the woman who was currently missing. "22-year-old, Heather Woodland."

"Before she left for lunch, she downloaded an email with a time-delayed virus attached. The killer's virus wiped her hard drive and left this on the screen." Aaron continued, giving Gideon another photo of the message that the killer left.

Leila grabbed the file from Aaron's hands before looking through it herself, despite already knowing the information soon after she got the call for the case. "The killer doesn't keep his victims for more than seven days so that means we have less than thirty-six hours to find her before she's gone." Leila told Gideon.

"They want you back in the saddle." Derek added. "You ready?"

"Looks like medical leave is over, boss." Reid piped up.

Gideon looked at all four of them, unsure of what to say next. "You sure they want me?"

Aaron nodded his head. "The order came from the director."

"It's finally time to come back." Leila said.

Gideon nodded his head before turning around to look at the photo on the wall of the evidence. "Well, we'd better get started."

Leila smirked, having been waiting for Gideon to come back after months. She knew what he had gone through was traumatic but she waited for the day he would finally return to the BAU, and now the time has come.

They drove in the SUV's that were provided for them to their private jet. They all stepped onto the plane, sitting down in a seat before they conversed more on the case.

As the plane took off, the team settled in for the flight to Seattle, each lost in their own thoughts about the case. The clock was ticking, and they all knew that time was running out to find Heather Woodland before it was too late.

Once they reached the Seattle police station, they all settled in. Aaron introduced themselves to the authorities at the station, and they finally began their case.

Leila went along with Aaron and Spencer to visit Heather's house, where she lived with her brother, David. They walked inside and the dog started barking at Spencer, causing the younger man to flinch and step back. Leila and Aaron laughed, watching as Spencer situated himself.

"Sandy, no, no, no." David said, backing up his dog. "I'm so sorry."

"No, it's okay," Aaron chuckled. "It's what we call the Reid effect. Happens with children too." Leila laughed as Aaron spoke, poking Spencer in his bicep. "I'm Agent Hotchner, and this is Agent Kade, and Special Agent Doctor Reid."

The man looked over Spencer, raising an eyebrow. "You look too young to have gone to medical school."

"They're PhD's. 3 of them." Spencer responded, walking to a new spot by the window.

"Are you a genius or something?" David asked.

Spencer began to speak and Leila internally chuckled. "I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified but I do have an I.Q. of 187 and an eidetic memory and can read 20,000 words per minute-" David gave him a look. "Yes, I'm a genius."

Leila began to search the room, her eyes landing on a couple magazines on a table nearby. As Aaron and Spencer continued to talk to Heather's brother, she saw a specific magazine that piqued her interest. "David, does your sister drive a Datsun Z?" She asked, turning her head to look back at him.

"No, but she's in the market for one. How'd you know?" He questioned. Leila picked up the magazine to show all three men, Aaron and Spencer walking over to her to examine the magazine. David took Sandy to another room, leaving the three agents to look through the magazine of the car.

"There's an immediate relationship established between a buyer and a seller, a level of trust." Aaron said, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

"If I want to coax a young woman into my car…" Spencer started.

"I offer her a test drive." Aaron finished for him.

They huddled together inside a house, waiting anxiously as Elle Greenaway, a prospective new member of their team, went to retrieve their suspect from a neighboring residence. They created a plan where Elle pretended that her house had been invaded, seeking the assistance of the very person they needed to apprehend. One of the men confirmed their approach, and they prepared themselves, raising their guns as they cautiously entered the house.

The man turned the doorknob and illuminated the room with his flashlight, calling out a hesitant "Hello" before proceeding inside. With each step further into the house, he repeated the greeting, causing everyone to suddenly emerge, guns at the ready. Elle swiftly approached from behind, grabbing the suspect's hands and swiftly restraining him.

A member of the SWAT team firmly took hold of the apprehended individual, leading him outside as they all walked over to the man's respective house. Leila walked over to Elle, offering a small smile of appreciation. "Great job." She commended, extending her hand for a handshake as they had ever met before. "I'm Leila Kade."

Elle returned the smile and shook Leila's hand. "Elle Greenaway, pleasure to meet you." She replied graciously. "And thank you."

As the two walked into the house and watched the family sit down at the table to hear the news, Leila decided to go upstairs and check for clues that could possibly help find their victim. She walked into one of the rooms and paused, her eyebrows furrowing as she took in the scene. "This isn't right…" She mumbled, just as Derek walked in and stood beside her.

"Something's not right about this." Derek spoke out, confirming Leila's suspicion that something was wrong. "It's a boy's room, not a man's."

Leila nodded her head. "Exactly what I thought." She thought for a moment before leaving the room, exiting the house. She walked over to Aaron, who was standing outside. "He has a partner. A second unsub."

Aaron nodded, looking at Richard's jeep. "We just need Richard to talk. We're running out of time." He looked back at her. "Hopefully he speaks once we start interrogating him."

Leila shrugs and crosses her arms, her eyes falling onto the house. "He has to. He has no other choice."

"Richard, I know you feel like you owe Vogel something, but you don't." Leila tried to convince him, resting her hands on the table. "You don't owe him anything."

"Vogel has you thinking that you would go to jail for him, all because he protected you while you were in prison." Aaron continued. "He's got you convinced that you owe him so much, but we're here to remind you that you owe him nothing."

Richard remained silent, his eyes set on the table. Leila and Aaron looked at each other, eyebrows furrowed as they sighed. They were running out of time.

Aaron's phone started ringing, the man leaving the interrogation room to take the call. Leila watched him leave and then turned towards Richard. "We're going to get the truth out of you, you do know that, right Richard?" Leila told him. She leaned in closer. "No matter how hard you try to protect that man, we will find him. You're going to go to prison either way so what's the point of keeping your mouth shut? Just tell us where Heather is."

Richard looked up, something shifting in his eyes. He began to open his mouth when Aaron walked back inside. "Just to let you know, Gideon's talking to Vogel, and he's nailing you to the wall."

Leila raised an eyebrow, glancing at Aaron. "Oh? Is that so?" She turned to Richard again. "I told you. What was the point of keeping your mouth shut?"

"Yeah, whatever." Richard said, though Leila could sense the shakiness in his voice.

"He said it was your idea to keep the girls on the boat." Aaron continued. Leila looked at Aaron, who looked back at her. Heather was on a boat. "He's talking, Richard. Reciprocity."

Leila tilted her head, leaning closer to him again. "Just tell us where she is. We can make a deal…" She said, noticing the sudden shift in him. "Is it a dock? A pier?"

Richard swallowed harshly, staring straight ahead. "It's a shipyard. Allied shipyard."

Aaron immediately rushed out of the room, Leila following, as he called Gideon. "We know where she's located."

Leila ran towards Gideon as the rest of the team met with him and Elle at the spot Heather was kept. Elle shot the unsub, killing him on the spot, but not before he shot Gideon in the arm. "Are you okay?" She asked Gideon, the man who was almost as if he was a second father to her.

He looked at her and nodded his head. "Yeah, it's nothing. The girl's safe, that's all that matters." Leila smiled, watching the man walk away. Her eyes roamed around the crime scene before landing on Elle. She decided to walk towards her and check up on her.

"Hey, Elle." Leila said, standing in front of her. "You did great out there."

Elle smiled. "It was honestly all Gideon. He saved Heather's life."

Leila gave her a smile, putting a hand on her arm. "Yeah, and you saved Gideon's. Allow yourself to take some of the credit." She began to walk away when Elle spoke again.

"Oh, I would've but I just didn't want to seem like a narcissist and take away the attention from Gideon." Elle joked, then grinned as Leila laughed.

Leila pointed a finger at her and nodded her head. "Okay, yeah, I like you." She said, walking backwards as she outstretched her arms. "Welcome to the team, Greenaway."

The door creaked open and Leila grimaced at the noise as she looked into the darkness of the house. She set her bag onto the floor and closed the door, ensuring it was locked.

"Hey." Zaid spoke softly, yet it still caused Leila to jump in fear. She put a hand over her thumping heart and she turned around to face her husband. "Sorry, sorry. I just put her to sleep."

She shook her head and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Thank you." She laid her head on his chest as Zaid wrapped his arms around her frame, rocking them back and forth. "I missed you both so much."

He kissed the top of her head, laying his cheek against it. "I know. We missed you too. She kept crying for her mommy."

"Mhm…" Leila was close to falling asleep but she knew she had to check in on Jasmine just once, or else she wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully. "I'm going to go see her, and then we're going straight to bed."

Zaid chuckled, putting a hand on her back as they walked towards Jasmine's room. Leila slowly walked over to the crib, watching her baby sleep soundfully. She grinned at the sight, reaching out to gently caress her cheek. Leila felt Zaid kiss her cheek as he started to rub her back soothingly.

The two walked to their room, Leila exhausted from the entire day due to the case. She flopped backwards onto the bed, ushering her hands out to Zaid so he would join her. He crashed on top of her gently, hugging her close to his body. He nuzzled his face into her neck as he whispered to her. "I love you."

She grabbed his face, allowing him to look into her eyes. "I love you, too." She kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck as he grabbed her hips. "I need you."

Zaid laughed. "You need to sleep, honey." However, Leila shook her head and pouted, causing Zaid to grin big. "Leila."

"Zaid. Please." Leila insisted, tugging his hair. He groaned, his hands slowly trailing down her body.

"You always get your way, don't you?" He teased, leaving kisses along her neck. She whined, tugging his shirt up.

"You need this too, I can tell." He shut her mouth with his lips, hungrily kissing her.

"Of course you can." He said darkly, yet she could feel his smile against her lips. "Damn profiler."

[savingsallow]

Ok bestie here yaa go ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

🥰👯🕰️😵‍💫👾🥀

HELLO THERE, BESTIE! 🤭✨️

— thanks for asking! ♡

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆⋆✴︎˚｡⋆⋆✴︎˚｡⋆⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

[🥰]:

DOES YOUR MC HAVE A PARTNER AND IF SO WHAT ARE THEY LIKE TOGETHER?

— Good question to begin with. Well, well, well... Valentine actually has two significant partners in her lore so far. Yes, two! It's not just Garreth.

(1) First Love: They dated during her 5th year. As you might've already guessed, their relationship was innocent, sweet, and fun-loving.

(2) Garreth Weasley: They started to date during their 7th year, and man, their journey was more of a slow burn. They both find a lot of fun in their relationship but also a good balance of depth, which Val loves.

[👯]:

IN THEIR GROUP OF FRIENDS, WHAT ROLE DO THEY PLAY IN THEIR LIVES? IF NOT APPLICABLE, IN GENERAL WHAT ROLE DO THEY PLAY AROUND OTHERS?

— Val is definitely that one super chill, but also really fun to hang out with friend. She's that one very supportive friend and will shower you with love type. Want to do something fun and spontaneous? Let's do it. Want to rant and cry? I'll listen and comfort you. You did something embarrassing? C'mon, let's be idiots together. You committed a crime and don't know what to do about it? Come here, let's work it out. This kid is sometimes even loyal to a fault, but she'll always have your back. She won't also hesitate to fight for you. Plus, you can share even your most deemed unlovable parts of yourself to her, and she would love you, anyway. No judgment, only love and constant care ♡

[🕰️]:

WHAT'S YOUR MCs BACKSTORY?

— Val is the only child of a dark witch and wizard who constantly traversed the globe to do their illegal business. At some point, this business of theirs led to their untimely end. Then their now orphaned daughter was only four years old when it happened. Even though she was very young and can barely understand what occurred, this actually affected her deeply. Her parent's death caused a change in her appearance. Her pink hair become black, and her pink eyes became green.

Val was then taken in by her Uncle Phineas and Aunt Ursula. She lived with them in London alongside her two cousins at that time.

Growing up wasn't a particularly pleasant experience for Val. For instance, she would always get blamed or punished for things she didn't do. She doesn't get equal treatment like her cousins. Her uncle begrudgingly took her only because Val's father is his favorite sibling. And her extended family are just really something else (in a bad way).

Despite that, this kid created her own little world where she found solace, and that is her reading books and secretly attempting to follow some basic potion recipes. It feels illegal and sneaky for the young Val, but it gave her the chance to feel control of her life.

On the contrary, she eventually became her uncle and aunt's favorite when they noticed that the kid is brilliant and undeniably creative. But then, this was where the cousin rivalry started.

This became even worse when she didn't receive any acceptance letter from Hogwarts while her cousins did. For this reason itself, Val almost got disowned by her uncle, but was persuaded by her aunt to send her to a boarding school instead.

After she was successful sent there, it didn't go any better. Val had a hard time not feeling like a failure Squib. Other than that, she find it difficult to make friends, cope up with societal norms, carry the burden of family expectations, deal with adolescence, and worst, tragic loss of a friend.

After years of living in a constant state of darkness, she got into an accident that she unknowingly caused that time that would change the course of her life forever.

[😵‍💫]:

WHAT IS YOUR MC LIKE DRUNK?

— A PARTY ANIMAL/LIFE OF THE PARTY!

I mean, sure, she's usually chill and all that, BUT when she's drunk, this gal be bustin' some sick moves! and the vibes? IMMACULATE. But sometimes, she just gets sleepy.

[👾]:

IN MODERN DAY, WHAT WOULD YOUR MC BE LIKE?

— Val would be that one charismatic/cool but very grounded person you'd meet. This kid probably doesn't use her social media (just for communication with friends only). She'd probably be an entrepreneur and/or pursue something in the arts. Her aesthetic would mainly be grunge/rock but also wears some classic pieces and something comfortable ! Also, I feel like this kid would have those cool cars (since she has like a lot of brooms). Another is, I think that she'd enjoy doing makeup, too! Probably, a philantropist as well. And most importantly, someone who wants to leave a good mark in the world.

[🥀]:

WHAT IS YOUR MCs BIGGEST HEARTBREAK?

— When her first best friend took her life. This took a huge toll on Val. She'd get nightmares about it and sometimes blame herself for not doing enough to save her friend's life.

Another is her breakup with her first love. She loved him so much, but she knows that if they stay together, it's gonna hurt them. Choosing the right decisions isn't the easiest one to do. But in the grand scheme of things, it's for the best.

— i hope you enjoyed reading this! ♡

[rosietrace]

Heyo Elosie 😊

Can I request interaction of Mitch with anyone or Felicitas? Thank u pookieee😊😊

PLS ELOSIE.... But of course, pookie 😈

Much like with Jas' ask, I'll be making a separate post for Felicitas!

Camilla Marigold — Thoughts on Mitch Reiss

Character Featured: Camilla Marigold

Mentioned: Mitch Reiss, Neige LeBlanche

Pairing: Camilla Marigold x Mitch Reiss

Warning(s): Cami /j, she just can't admit that she's attracted to him gdi, Mitch having to put up with her shenanigans, I'll finish their oneshot… Eventually /j, potentially ooc

[ Apologies for any out of character moments ]

[ Reblogs > Likes ]

†•°•══════ஓ๑❃๑ஓ══════•°•†

“He’s attractive, I'll give him that…. What?? You'd say the same thing if you saw him! Ugh, shut up, I'm not attracted to him, and I'm not desperate!! Now- Uhh- Have you seen him anywhere, I haven't seen him since before lunch-”

— Camilla Marigold

╔══ஓ๑†๑ஓ══╗

Non-verbal Thoughts

╚══ஓ๑†๑ஓ══╝

「 General Thoughts 」

˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ She's so intrigued by him, it's not even funny. Like, it can get fucking concerning how intrigued she is by this guy, like damn girl, what did he do-?

➜ Camilla's probably that one walking annoyance in Mitch's life /j, too bad he can't get rid of her!

➜ He doesn't really approve of her gossiping tendencies, but unfortunately, it's a part of Camilla that he can't really change. So, really, all Mitch has to do is to put up with it.

➜ It honestly surprised Camilla that he's (eventually) so protective over her well-being! She reminds him that she's capable of taking care of herself, but apparently, Mitch isn't easily swayed by her words.

➜ No matter how good Cami is at concealing how she really feels about Mitch, her serpents can't. They're practically nagging at her to talk to Mitch whenever he's within a 5-mile radius, and it annoys the hell out of her.

↳ It definitely doesn't help that some of them openly show affection towards Mitch.

➜ She's never gonna admit it to his face, but Cami envies Neige for having Mitch as a bodyguard. Like damn, leave some for the rest of us, Neige 💀

➜ Mitch tended to keep Camilla at arm's length when Neige was with him, at least at first. It annoyed Cami to no end, and it still does.

༝ㅤ･ㅤ˚ㅤ。ㅤ.ㅤ⋆ㅤ「❃」

「 Interactions 」

❐ They probably met when Mitch found Neige talking with Cami, and immediately figuring out that something was off. Specifically, about how…. Persistent Camilla was being with Neige.

➜ A rough start to their relationship! Mitch learned the hard way that Cami won't be easily persuaded to stop herself from doing what she does. And vice versa.

➜ Neige is thankfully oblivious to Cami's antics, and apparently, ships the two of them together without them knowing /hj

➜ Mitch doesn’t fear Camilla…. At least, not in the way he expected to fear her. And by that, I mean that Cami uses him as her personal target whenever she wants to put some new ‘babies’ (read: guns) to the test. Mitch just has to deal with it, ig.

➜ Much like Cami to him, Mitch isn't gonna admit that he finds her attractive. He doesn't know why, but he can't shake off an unusual feeling he gets when Camilla is close by.

➜ Hates her singing voice. And I can't blame him.

➜ Mitch is willing to give her the benefit of the doubt once they grow closer, but…. As mentioned before, he already knows he shouldn't expect much results from that.

➜ He wants to observe more of her, see what she's actually like behind that overly confident and manipulative mask of hers. To see how truly vulnerable she is, before he regrets things he'll never be able to change.

➜ …. It'll take a while for that to happen, though. Much like how it'll take just as — if not longer — for Camilla to confess to him.

†•°•══════ஓ๑❃๑ஓ══════•°•†

[hambonusmaximus]

This will very much be a long personal post, so feel free to skip this if you don't care enough about what's going on in my life.

(Also mentions of depression if that sort of thing bothers you)

Also also, I'm just jotting down thoughts as they come to me, so my points might end up disjointed.

As I mentioned above, this post is mostly going to be talking about my depression, where I believe it stems from and how its affecting me currently. This isn't meant to be pointed at anyone in particular, these are just what I'm going through and how I feel about it.

For whatever reason, I really feel like my depression has really been kicked into overdrive lately, and its got me thinking about why, and what I should possibly do about it. Its honestly been really hard to enjoy things lately, and me wanting to spend time with friends just makes me feel like I'm being a bother most of the time. I know that they would tell me that I'm not a bother, but I can't shake the feeling that me trying to insert myself into their lives just makes me an annoyance that everyone would be better off without. I worry that I come off as some attention-seeker that craves validation, or that I'm constantly trying to make conversations about me, and while there is definitely a part of me that desires validation, which I'll get more into in a bit, I genuinely do not mean to make things about me all the time. I guess maybe I try to make myself more relatable and that's where these thoughts come from, I just hope that I'm the only one that thinks that.

As for that point about needing validation from others, that I believe stems from the part of my life where most everyone seemed to hate me for seemingly no reason. I won't go into my entire life story, because no one wants to hear that, but I will just say that, from around 6th grade all the way up until my 30's, I would constantly be belittled, insulted, bullied, beat up, and told that I'm a lesser person for just being who I am. I never had many friends growing up, even well into my adult life, and even some of the people I considered friends would eventually turn their backs on me. I was miserable for so long. It got to the point where I just wanted it to end. I would have accepted death at any point during that time. Not enough to take my own life, but I wouldn't have fought against it either way.

Suddenly, in the last couple of years, things starting getting better. I was getting promoted at my job and earning more money, I was paying off credit card debt that I never thought would have been possible... and most importantly of all, I reconnected with an online friend from years ago, one that I never actually figured would connect with me again. Then he introduced me to more of his friends, and then more, and suddenly I'm surrounded by so many wonderful people that all seem to really like me. It felt sort of overwhelming, and to be honest it still does at times, but I actually felt like I was worthy of love and praise rather than just being some nobody that didn't matter to anyone. I've never had this many friends at one time, and its been incredible to say the very least.

However, that brings me to my next problem; the feeling that I'm just an awful friend. I don't like having this feeling, but I cannot help it some times. I generally don't reach out to talk with friends in DM's, because (again) I don't want to be a bother, so I prefer to wait and see if they would reach out to me. It feels selfish of me to expect others to initiate a conversation when I can't bring myself to do so.

Another problem is, as I mentioned before, I feel like I try to insert myself into other people's lives without considering their feelings about it. I do want to be a part of my friends' worlds, as much as they are a part of mine, but again I get this gnawing voice in my head that tells me I'm being selfish. Like, two friends could be having a conversation about something, and I feel like I have to feel included somehow. I don't do it intentionally, or maliciously, but it feels like it comes off like I do. I hate that I feel like I can't help myself sometimes.

Regardless of all that, there is one thing that worries me most about my new friends; that feeling that, inevitably, I'll either say or do something that will drive them all away, and leave me with no one left to care, back where I started those years ago when I was at my lowest. That worry has been keeping me from really enjoying the things I want to do, like playing games or making art, and even hanging out with those same friends. Perhaps that's why those feelings of me being a bother to everyone is so prominent in my mind.

I don't really know what all I could do to change the way I think. I also don't expect this post to be able to change anything either. I suppose its just a way for me to put this all out there so others are aware of what I'm going through mentally. It does feel kind of nice to be able to vent this all out in some way that doesn't feel intrusive or mandatory to others. I also don't want this to seem like engagement-bait or whatever, that's not really a thing I like to do.

If you've read up to this point, I really appreciate you taking the time to do so. If you are a friend of mine, please don't feel pressured to check in on me or try to explain anything to me. These are simply my thoughts, not pointed at anyone but myself. I love and cherish you all, you mean the world to me, and nothing will change that.

[wisteriasymphony]

Beast of Burden

CW: Child Abuse, Gender Roles

His father swiftly silenced him with a kick to the head. Blood splattered out of his broken nose like a burst of dreadful confetti. Adrien couldn't even recognize the sound of his own voice when he cried out in shock; What escaped him sounded like the screams of an animal.

"You have a duty to the Agresté name, boy," his father sneered. "For now, it is your career. But you will have to discard that purpose of yours eventually, and then your duty is to carry on the bloodline." His father knelt down to him, grabbing Adrien by the collar before he could crawl away. "Your mother and I had our own setbacks, which is why I'm starting early with you. We'll be sure to get a few good spawn out of you yet."

Adrien went to touch his nose, still searing from the pain, before his father slapped the hand away. "Don't whine about your nose, we can always fix it back up before we need to put your face to use again." Adrien held back his strained tears, his petulant anger met by an equal, deep-set fear of the monster before him. Trying to writhe free was futile; Adrien knew he was powerless.

"...But why?" he finally asked, blood dripping down the back of his throat. "Why her, why now? I.... I don't want to do this, father."

"Nonsense. All men want to at some point in time." The shoulder pat Adrien's father gave him was far from reassuring. "A minute or so in and you'll begin enjoying yourself," he laughed. "I'm surprised it's been this difficult to persuade you in the first place."

Adrien's thoughts flickered like a dying streetlight. Memories of all he had went through, all he had been trained in growing up. The thought of going from the child to being the hand that hits the child was unbearable to consider, but it was only inevitable if he gave in to his own family's demands.

He remembered the nights he would hide in his closet, shaking, nestled in clothes off their rack so he couldn't be spotted again.

He remembered being forced into his first shoot, then the next, and the next again until its monotony finally overcame his discomfort.

He remembered being introduced to someone whose affections he didn't—couldn't—return, and having that sickening feeling settle in his gut as his father conversed with her mother that something more would be expected between them.

"I'll leave you alone for the rest of the night, my boy," his father said. His relenting was a false gesture, given away by that noxious smile. "I do hope you'll change your mind by the morning. Grandchildren don't just happen on their own, you know~"

[scribbledquillz]

14. Do they enjoy PDA, or are they more private with affection?

15. What songs remind you of their relationship?

16. Would they ever get matching tattoos? If yes, what would these look like?

and also 36. How do they feel about having kids? Are they in agreement?

Ship Ask Game - The Basics

Thank you so much for the prompts! These are all super juicy, please brace for a few text walls haha

Revka and Zevran:

14. Do they enjoy PDA, or are they more private with affection?

Revka is not big on the idea of drawing an excessive amount of attention to herself in just about every circumstance, and PDA is no exception. She's far more comfortable and free with her affections behind closed doors, or at least when given some semblance of privacy.

That being said, PDA isn't a hard no for her either - so long as it's subtle. She sneaks her fair share of casual touches and brushes against Zevran while out and about. Her go to tactic is to stand just slightly in front of him with her hands behind her back, letting her fingers unclasp and brush against his hand or arm or the ties of his breeches.

Zevran is nothing if not a gentleman (allegedly) and returns the smaller gestures with a similar touch or caress, and is the master of the slow, lingering hand drag across the small of Revka's lower back / ass. As for the more salacious instances, he's all too happy to turn them into a game of who drives the other mad first. Hands slipped along thighs under the table, lips brushing against ears and necks with the excuse of leaning in close to whisper something important to the other, etc.

He's got a winning streak going he doesn't intend to forfeit any time soon.

15. What songs remind you of their relationship?

Too many. So many. But for the sake of brevity I'll keep it to five:

It Will Come Back - Hozier

Creatures in Flight - The Huntress and Holder of Hands

The Dress Looks Nice on You - Sufjan Stevens

Hello My Old Heart - The Oh Hellos

As the World Falls Down - covered by Grace Potter

16. Would they ever get matching tattoos? If yes, what would these look like?

Oh hell yes.

Revka is very intrigued by Zevran's tattoos, and it only grows stronger the more extended those glimpses get with time. They're attractive certainly and do their job of "accentuating" very well, but more than that she finds them artistically beautiful. Zevran offers to give her one if she would like, and while she initially declines the offer by the time things are more established between them she intends to ask if it still stands.

Eventually - soon after the battle of Denerim I believe - he will give her a piece of her own in the same style as his, per her request. She gives him free reign other than that, trusting his judgement on what would look best where. I'm still trying to decide exactly what Revka's ink will look like, but I'm toying with the possibility of Zevran getting new ink as well following the same pattern, if not location, of the ones he gives her.

36. How do they feel about having kids? Are they in agreement?

Oh man. This is one of those subjects that is addressed once and rarely spoken about again once the decision is made.

I feel like once the pair start sleeping together, there's a conversation that happens between the two of them about the "what ifs" that come with their particular brand of sex. One that ultimately ends at them agreeing to weigh the circumstances if they ever found themselves in that situation. Revka knows how to make a tea to lessen the odds, and to her surprise Zevran seems... not eager for such a thing, but far more unconcerned with the thought than she'd expected of him.

The subject would come up again, once the Blight is over and the pair have fallen into a semblance of normalcy, if their lives can be called anything of the like. They settle on "what happens will happen", and Revka gives away the last of her tea to one of the keep's chambermaids. They're happy together as they are, but Revka -in another life- had once had expectations of a family of her own, and given her experience raising her brother from five years old she has the experience. I'd see Zevran gradually growing warmer to the idea over time, to the point where he begins to feel hopeful for the outcome.

And then Revka finds out, in one last cruel jab, that the odds of those who carry the blight managing to have children is all but negligible, particularly for female Wardens. She'd suspected as much. Perhaps been late once or twice before only to have her cycle come heavier than the norm. She'd harbored that little hope though, kept it going because well - Morrigan, Alistair, she'd thought...

So there's a period of mourning for her, one Zevran makes himself an anchor for her through while taking his own chance to grieve in privacy, out of her sight for fear of making this harder for her.

And then the pair move on. It isn't brought up outside the rarest occasions. But it says as a little grief for the both of them for some time.

In the end I'm not sure what choice I'm going to make for them. I could see the both of them taking joy in having a little one to raise. If not one of their own, perhaps a child orphaned because of the mage/templar war, or one of the street urchins in Antiva that hits a little too closely to home for Zevran and his own lived experiences. I feel like something like that would be the most likely outcome.

[simiansmoke]

What is DK's relationship with Dread Kong like?

Ask Muse about Relationships

// ohboy-

Well, Dread Kong is originally from the game Jungle Beat where DK goes around and uh...beats the shit out of leaders of different jungle territories and then they all (join, comrade) at the end.

So the idea is that these different fruit tribes are actually defectors from the original jungle kingdom that have had it with how things are run, or they're just greedy (who knows).

Which means they were all originally part of the jungle kingdom to start off with. Dread in particular was a high ranking general in the Kong army and typically was the first line of defense with training new recruits and getting their below-average stats to at least barely on par very quickly.

DK (I guess verse dependent but I'll pick one for the following) spends a lot of his childhood and pre-teens being literal Justin Bieber- (DK country cartoon and that singing' voice yo) and monkeying around with friends that Cranky starts growing concerned he won't be ready to take over whenever the time comes. So with a good dose of guilt and unspoken bribery for Dad's affection, DK ends up enlisting in the Kong army as a young adult to start learning the ways of battle - which is timed fairly well since the Kong nation is just beginning their war against the Kremlings at this time.

Naturally, he's assigned under Dread and goes through basic training. (All the hazing included - because a lot of the army is sour and bitter and doesn't like royalty, go figure.) Dread of course is operatating under the guise of becoming close to and grooming his army men to basically treat him as their leader so that when he decides to defect, he has a loyal crew that will lovingly forsake the jungle kingdom for him.

DK becomes the target of this scheme along with all the others, and is eventually convinced to have ah...relations with Dread (aka sleep with him here and there) for better treatment / protection in the royal hating army. Although, in the midst of doing so (this ofc takes place over the course of a few years btw), DK semi develops (or at least thinks he does) feelings for Dread, and the two seem to get along out of battle or training, and especially when no other royal sneering soldiers are around to question the growing playfulness around their exchanges.

This of course is shattered and discarded by DK when Dread enacts his plan and has his most primed to obey army members join him in his coup'de'tat, in which he fully expects DK to join him even though it means toppeling his father. (Though he figures DK will be on board because of how his father pushes him to do all the things he isn't on board with.)

The two eventually part bloody and vicious ways after a scuffle following DK not accepting the other's betrayal.

After the events of Jungle Beat, Dread is sent along with the other antagonists of the fruit kingdoms to be enslaved on the island where the coconut crystal is enshrined (in a temple that will only open with the touch of a royal family member) to serve as unwilling bouncers against treasure hunters. (They basically have not much food so anyone that comes along is food. Cue Dread developing cannibalistic tendencies.)

Having to face Dread again when he and Bowser arrive on the island leaves DK feeling...well, dread - ironically. His feelings about the past are a mix of disgust and what could have been 's, and he misses the bonds shared with one whom taught him a lot of what he knows of combat (and to a degree, physical love *cough the virginity ask plot couuuugh ....and subsequent ending*) but after seeing just how much Dread (as well as the others) have deteriorated and become rabid in their banishment, he's opt to keep those feelings fossilized in the past where they ought stay, if not be forgotten entirely.

(Relevant Dread v DK drabbles: xx, xx , xx)

[luveline]

Shy reader and Steve and reader is needy and wants affection but she doesn’t want to tell Steve. Idk if that makes sense but it would be full of tooth rotting fluff. I love you and you work bby💗

I love you! steve kisses 😭😭😭😭 ♡ shy!fem!reader | 1k words

"What's that look mean?" he asks eventually. 

You lift your head out of your hand and shake it. "What look?" 

Steve pushes himself across the couch and raises his hand to your face. You aren't expecting it and you grow still despite how careful he is with you, his palm hot to your jaw and his index finger drawing a line, tugging up your lips. 

"Smile," he mutters lightly. You do as he asks. His fingertip moves from the corner of your mouth to the well under your eye. "Hey, thanks. That's a really nice one." 

He's not messing with you so much as being his usual frenetic self when you're alone. It's like all the frustration he carries with him dissolves – it dissolves you, the idea that he feels good enough when you're around to let himself really, truly relax. 

"You looked mad," he says. 

You blink. "I wasn't," you defend yourself quickly. 

"No, I know you weren't. Don't know what was actually wrong, though. Care to enlighten me?" 

Your eyes shutter closed as his finger graces the skin closest to your eye, your lashes ruffled by his movement. "Nothing." 

And it is now. He's touching you. That's what you'd wanted. 

It ends too quickly. His finger stops it's stroking path and his hand falls from your face. "Okay, good." 

He stays by your side but you're not touching, not enough, the heat of his thigh to yours and nothing else almost mocking you. He slides his arm across the back of the couch. 

It makes you sad in a strange way, worrying if there's a reason he chose to lean on the couch instead of you. It can't have been ten seconds of this when Steve is sighing dejectedly.

"There it is again! What's eating you, pretty girl? You can tell me." 

You want to tell him. The words feel weird to say, is the problem. It's not that you think he'd say no to giving you some affection or that you expect him to know what you want, just that you worry you'll embarrass yourself by asking. You open your mouth and get stuck. 

"Tell me," he whispers pleadingly, smiling. "Tell me, or I'm gonna annoy it out of you." 

"Nothing is eating me," you say. 

"Liar." 

Steve drops his arm around your shoulders and tugs you close, his face suddenly nearing yours. "Tell me," he says, dipping down to your neck, "what's wrong." He kisses your throat and climbs right back up. "Please?" 

His hair is out of place. You know you're more than allowed to make first moves and touch him the way he touches you and still the action of bringing your hand to his face is nerve-wracking, maybe because he's so close and staring at you with this intense, mischievous look. You tuck his hair behind his ear. 

"It's nothing worth worrying about," you say. 

He brings both hands to the slopes of your shoulders. With one hand he strokes a line up your neck, finger knocking together gently under your jaw. "Who says I'm gonna worry? And I'll decide what it's worth," he says, pouting. 

"It's- it… doesn't matter," and again, it doesn't because you're getting what you wanted: his attention, his hands on your skin. 

He wraps his arms around your neck until they're crossed and dives in, lip pressed to your neck as he starts to murmur, "Tell me. Tell me tell me tell me tell me," so fast it tickles. 

You laugh at the feeling. He's half on top of you now, smushing his face into your neck and his chest to your chest. 

"I'm gonna blow raspberries on your neck if you don't tell me," he says seriously. 

"I just wanted this," you admit quietly. 

He's silent for a second. "What, you wanted a hug?" he asks, sounding underwhelmed. 

"Anything. Just," you close your eyes and tighten your arms where they wrap around his waist, "to be next to you." 

"Why would you say that?" he asks, sounding so genuinely heartbroken that an apology comes instinctively. 

"I'm so-" 

"How do I top that? That's so romantic, I'm a little nauseous." He rubs the tip of his nose against the side of your face and you open your eyes hesitantly, find him looking at you with a steadying affection. 

"Baby," he says. "Baby." 

Your eyebrows pinch up at the starts. "What?" 

"You know you can always ask if you want something," he says. He kisses you before you can answer, a firm, stern kiss, like he's trying to remind you. 

You move back under his touch, lips parting ever so slightly. He responds happily, pushing kiss after kiss into your mouth until your lips tingle. 

His hand has spread protectively over your shoulder and holds you tight. 

He pulls away from the kiss and drops his nose into your cheek. "You can ask me for anything you want. You don't even need to ask. You should just take it." 

You think about it, chest rising and falling against his. They share a similar rhythm. Rise, fall, rise. He's almost as breathless as you. 

You turn your face under his slowly. Incrementally, long seconds of his skin sliding over yours until your nose touches his. You're tentative as you tap the tip of yours under his. He lifts his head. 

"Go on," he says encouragingly, warming your lips.

You covet the slice of naked skin where his shirt has ridden up and trail your fingertips against it lightly. 

He makes a small sound, taking your face into both hands as you hug him, both of you trying to pull the other impossibly closer. 

When you finally kiss him, you catch his quiver in your mouth.