#like. yesterday we went to a store or whatever and my mom asked me to pick out smth for myself

[fabulouslygaybean]

you ever just get hit with the realization that it's probably not normal to live your life with so much guilt that you feel physically nauseous almost every single day

[tricktster]

so i’ve been baking bread pretty regularly since sayyyy april 2020. you know, when we were waiting for this whole kooky covid thing to die down in a few weeks, but in the meantime some people had taken the very rational step of buying out every store’s supply of EXTREMELY PERISHABLE goods, including the extremely sad 100 calorie sandwich rounds favored by my parents.

now me? I’d read enough zombie very serious survival books to have ventured to the co-op on March 10 to stock up on dry bulk ingredients, and I’d included yeast and bread flour among the necessities - not because I thought that they’d ever get used, really, it just seemed practical if things got a lot worse than anticipated. And then? Well. You know.

So I joined the club of the tens of thousands of americans who had always viewed leavened dough with a healthy skepticism and the deep sense that these things were best left to the professionals. With the circumstances now unimaginably altered, we were now very cautiously dumping yeast into bowls of warm water, all the while doubting that this would actually work. So, obviously, that sense of accomplishment I felt when, after all the proofing and kneading and rising and punching down and rising again and venting and egg washing and etc etc etc, I actually pulled two relatively respectable loaves of bread out of the oven? Fucking intoxicating.

I’ve gotten medium good at bread over the intervening years, insofar as I can produce a sandwich loaf without needing to find a recipe, I’m pretty comfortable with adding cheese or garlic or raisins and nuts or whatever if I’m feeling like an Interesting Bread, i’ve forced a few loaves of sourdough into existence (though both I and the dough were kicking and screaming the whole way), and I recieved the ultimate tool of convenience for my birthday last year, when my parents gave me the dutch oven that finally permitted me to finally skip kneading altogether (if I so desired).

Except like.,. I didn’t ask for a dutch oven. I actually asked for something much cheaper and by all accounts more convenient: A bread machine. When I did, though, my mom (who has baked precisely 0 loaves of bread in her life) said “oh, you don’t want a bread machine.”

“I don’t?” I asked, already halfway swayed by her confidence on the matter.

“oh, no, nobody ever actually uses bread machines, they just take up space on the counter.” my mom, a woman who owns two instapots, assured me.

I considered her reasoning, and very firmly replied with a defiant “oh, okay, yeah. that makes sense, and I guess I’ve gotten this far without one, so like, it’s silly to get one now.”

I know. I have a will of steel.

So like, another year has passed since that exchange, and a week or two ago i finally decided that since counter space is no longer at a premium at my new place, i could at least try out a cheap bread machine? I went on ebay, got an open box deal on a decent entry level model, and took it for a spin yesterday.

And, for what it’s worth, uhhhhhhh HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT COULD HAVE BEEN THIS LOW EFFORT THE WHOLE TIME?????

LIKE I COULD HAVE BEEN JUST DUMPING INGREDIENTS IN A PAN AND WALKING AWAY THIS WHOLE TIME?????!?!?!?

it’s making brioche for me right now. It’s almost too easy. I’m actively furious.

This feels exactly like the day I finally bought a game genie so i could get Mew to finish out my red dex. I’ve been grinding and learning helpful strats from youtube and there was a fucking cheat code that would have let me skip the bread making side quest while still gaining xp this whole goddamn time.

[pink-chevalier]

Previous — Next Transcript Below ↓

Ophelia: I can't believe we finally found our Spooky Day costume. 

Jaxi: You mean your costume because mine has been planned. 

Ophelia: Sorry that not all of us want to go as a widow. 

Jaxi: Excuse me, I'm going as the widow of a rich husband who died under mysterious circumstances. 

Ophelia: So, you killed him? 

Jaxi: Yes, I did, and I don't regret it because I'm rolling in millions. 

Ophelia: *smiles* You wish.

Jaxi: Big time. So, about that new kitten? 

Ophelia: *sighs* I had to convince Simon to take the blame for Percy because Christ, I don't understand that kid. 

Jaxi: You really think it's gonna work? 

Ophelia: I'm willing to bet my firstborn son that it's gonna work. I know they'll get a bit angry with Simon, but they'll let him keep the kitten. 

Jaxi: I would feel some type of way because it feels like favoritism, you know? 

Ophelia: I see where you're coming from, but trust me, they love us all equally; is that Simon's very... sensitive? I don't know the right word to describe him. 

Jaxi: *nods* I think I get it. 

Ophelia: Anyways, enough about Simon and Mint, tell me what happened yesterday. 

Jaxi: Gosh, I don't even want to talk about it. 

Ophelia: Girl, come on, I'm not gonna make fun of you.

Jaxi: That's what they all say, and then they make fun of you. 

Ophelia: Jaxi, I promise I won't make fun of you. 

Jaxi: Alright. My mom sent me to the grocery store last night because we ran out of garlic or whatever.

Ophelia: I know that. You sent me a random picture of bananas.

Jaxi: Cause they were huge!

Ophelia: Fast forward, Jaxi.

Jaxi: Gosh, fine. So, I basically bumped into this boy at the store, and when I mean bumped into him, girl, I knocked his ass down.

Ophelia: Oh my God.

Jaxi: Ophelia, I knocked him so down that his glasses flew off. I went to help him up, but I ended up stepping on his glasses!

Ophelia: Like you broke them and everything?

Jaxi: Yes! I heard the crunch and snap. I even felt it under my boot.

Ophelia: Jaxi…

Jaxi: Don't even try to make me feel better. You know, I told my mom about this, and guess what she said.

Ophelia: What she said?

Jaxi: That it happens to everyone, and I probably won't ever see him again. Blah blah blah.

Ophelia: That's such a typical mom thing to say. 

Jaxi: And you wanna know the worst part. 

Ophelia: What? 

Jaxi: He was so cute, and I want to meet him again. *smiles* He wasn't even mad at me for stepping on his glasses. 

Ophelia: Did you get his name? His number? 

Jaxi: No. Like an idiot, I was stuttering, and then he had to leave to see if he could replace his glasses.

Ophelia: Did he have on a uniform? 

Jaxi: I think so? He was wearing a green blazer, but I didn't see the logo. 

Ophelia: *smiles* I think we could meet him again. 

Jaxi: Seriously?

Ophelia: Yeah! Not many schools wear green blazers, and I can ask Simon to see if he knows the boy. 

Jaxi: Oh my god! I'm so excited!

[kissorkill16]

When We Were Once Happy: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: A story before Trinity moved to Raven Brooks.

Chapter 16

Nicky waited patiently in his room, waiting for the rest of the gang to show up. He heard the doorbell ring, and he ran downstairs, opened the door, and there they were.

"Guys! You're here!"

"Well duh, we planned to meet here. Didn't we?", asked Aaron, stepping inside the house.

Lucy and Mya followed soon after, jumping with excitement. "Where's this recording system you were talking about earlier?", asked Mya.

Nicky started walking upstairs, "It's in my room. Come on and we can get to work."

The kids trodded up the stairs and straight into Nicky's room, and Nicky pulled out a piano-like recording system from under his bed.

"It's pretty much all built, all it needs is an audio source.", said Nicky, turning on the microphone.

"Shall we begin?"

Aaron pulled out the Surviva Bars from his backpack, dumping them onto the bed. "Let's eat and fart our butts off."

Soon after, stuffed with Surviva Bars, their butts were on class warfare. Everyone's farts were a Level 5 biohazard, and they all tried to keep it together as they pointed their butts to the recording system, but no one could help themselves as they doubled over, bursting into frantic laughter.

"OH MY GOD! SO GROSS!", Aaron laughed out loud, clutching at his stomach.

Nicky steadied his giggles, trying to sound as serious as possible. "Ladies and gentlemen, I must say that those were some of our best farts yet."

A moment of silence, then they fell back and started laughing again.

Just then, the door opened. It was Nicky's parents.

"Hey, Narf!", said his father.

The kids stopped laughing for a moment to look at them.

"I didn't know you were having company over, Nicky. I would've cleaned -", Luanne's eyes widened and she covered her nose. "Holy fucking shit! This place smells disgusting!"

Jay sniffed around, and covered his nose. "Eww. Did something die in here or what?", he said.

Nicky stood up, folding his arms behind his back. "Sorry, guys. We were just...performing an experiment.", he said, lying as best as he could.

Luanne didn't look like she believed him, but she didn't really seem to care. "Well whatever the hell you're doing, open a window for Christ's sake.", she said, walking away.

Meanwhile, Jay stayed near the door, smiling at the kids. "I went shopping yesterday. Who wants snacks? We got all the good stuff. Suzy Q's, Zingers, Swiss Rolls, Ding Dongs, you name it."

"I want snacks!", Mya squealed. And with that, Jay ran to the kitchen.

Silence filled the room, and Nicky sat down on the bed.

"Guess what, guys. I found something in my pocket.", said Mya.

What Mya pulled out nearly shocked everyone. It was a Golden Apple coin, like the one Lucy found on her drawer. It was sparkly and shiny.

"No way, you too?", asked Lucy.

"Yeah. I don't know where it came from. It's not tooth fairy money, and neither Mom or Dad gave it to me, so I'm really confused.", Mya replied.

Aaron and Nicky looked at each other, "Do you think the coins mean something?", asked Aaron.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe if we get one, we'll know.", replied Nicky.

Another wave of silence.

"So why Mrs. Tillman? I know she isn't like the nicest person in the world, I figured that out from our first encounter, but there has to be another reason besides that."

Aaron smiled. "So glad you asked. She used to be such a nice lady. She bought goat cheese from some old llama farmer, sell things for super cheap, and let girl scouts sell cookies near her store. Then she goes on this silent retreat, doesn't talk for 2 weeks, and now she's selling all of these healing crystals and $5 candy bars.", he said, putting air quotes around healing crystals and candy bars.

"She's also super nosy.", said Mya.

"And condescending.", said Lucy.

"She was all over my mom at the grocery store during our first meeting. Asking her questions about our life, acting like one of those fancy rich snobs you see on TV.", said Aaron. "So it makes sense."

Lucy spoke up again, "She's also a phony. She pretends to be this nice lady who's just a little stuck up, but in reality, she's such a -"

"Ah ah ah. You're not allowed to use that language yet, Lucy. But yeah, she's a bitch."

Nicky nodded in realization. It made sense. Someone was condescending and fake, so they were trying to expose her and show everyone that her kind words were a bunch of farts in disguise.

After another moment of silence, Jay burst through the door again, holding a whole bunch of Hostess treats. "I couldn't decide what you guys would like best.", he said.

Nicky smiled at his father. "Thanks, Dad. You're the best.", he said, taking the treats and walking him out of his room.

"I know we're all probably full on bars right now, but..."

Not even a second later, they were all digging into the treats, not even caring that they were all bloated to the point of bursting.

All the while, Nicky was thinking to himself "Having friends that don't judge you, and have the same humor as you. How can it get any better than this?"

The door opened again, and Luanne was standing there, a tray of glasses of water in hand. "Thirsty?", she asked.

Nicky took the tray from her, grabbing a drink from one of the glasses. "Thanks, Mom.", he said, closing the door.

[theoddcatlady]

The Sun Stopped Coming Up

January 3

The sun’s not coming up. The sun’s not coming up. 

I can’t deal with this, school’s starting Monday, how am I supposed to get to class when it’s so dark you can’t see your hand three inches in front of your face?!

When I got up, I figured it was just because it was winter, ya know? Sun goes down and stays down longer when it’s cold. But I knew something was up by noon. The sun should’ve been up by now, it’s starting to freak me out.  

Neighbors have come by asking for some things they don’t want to run to the store for, ignoring the elephant in the room that there’s no fucking sun. Apparently the darkness gets even worse when you try to get out of the neighborhood. It’s best to just stay here until this all blows over, while pretending it’s not happening at all.  

Dad was sleeping on the couch this morning. I think he and mom got into another fight, they’re not talking and mom’s been crying, even though she does her best to hide it. God, it’s bad enough that the world might be ending, I don’t have time to worry about my parent’s failing marriage.

January 4

The streetlights went out, haven’t come back on. Outside now looks like Satan’s Winter Wonderland, with all the snow and it being so dark. I can see other houses across the street, the lights shining through the window like beacons in the night. The only reason I can make out anything in my yard is from the light shining from my living room window.

Mom and Dad aren’t talking. Jesus Christ, you could cut the tension with a knife. I really wish I could go outside to smoke but I swear Dad had a stroke when he saw me open the back door. I don’t know how he expects me to go to school if I can’t even go out on the back porch to ‘get some air’, but whatever.

For now I’m just cracking the window in my bedroom and doing what I can to waft the smoke out there. I’m sixteen, I can make my own decisions.  

January 7

Okaaaaay. I guess I’m not going to school.  

Sun’s still not up. Weekend’s just been boring as shit with just watching outdoors get darker, if that’s even possible. I even started getting ready before I realized ‘what the hell am I doing’ and went downstairs to ask if I can stay home. My dad gave me his approval and said I can stay home for as long as it stays dark.

First time we really acknowledged how absolutely bizarre that is, and it’s the only acknowledgment.  

I tried turning on the TV, see if there’s anything on the news about this, but all I got was static. Couldn’t even connect to any local channels, it’s all snow. Phone’s dead too, I tried calling Isla and Lydia and got nothing. Not even a busy signal. It worked last night when I talked with Lydia. She lives just a few blocks away and it’s dark there too. Isla lives in the city though, not Bartonville, and apparently sun’s fine there. She said she’d come over today to see if I’m still making up bullshit.  

It’s not bullshit. Sun’s gone and it’s showing no sign of coming back.

January 8

It’s not just the sun disappearing. Lights are going out.

It started with the kitchen. I went down and tried flicking the light, got nothing. I yelled for dad and said the kitchen bulb burned out and he went pale. He switched it and I heard him swear for the first time in my life when it still didn’t work. I tried to tell him to check the breaker but he was clearly losing his shit. By the time Mom came in he was babbling nonsense about the lights being taken away and Mom had to help him lie down.  

I wonder if this has anything to do with why he was at work late for the last few weeks. I don’t know what he works on, but I’m starting to go a little stir crazy and it’s making me paranoid.

Isla never showed up yesterday. Stayed up until midnight and she never showed. Maybe she just got turned around or maybe she forgot, she’s like that.  

I bet she just forgot.

January 9

Half the house is stuck in the dark now, including my bedroom, but that’s not the worst of it. 

Watching the street is the only form of entertainment I have other than reading, and I’m getting too antsy to focus on that. I cracked the window while I street watched and then I heard it.

For the last few days, all I’ve heard while I’ve cracked the window is wind. Today I heard whispers.  

Yes, I thought maybe I’d finally cracked and was hearing things but I pressed my head against the screen to listen better.  

It was then I heard the clack of something like claws climbing up the side of the house. I yanked my head back just in time to see those claws land on the sill. I was frozen when that… that THING hauled itself up to my eye level.  

It was probably my height, maybe a bit bigger, pure black with tufts of hair or fur coming from the top of its head and its shoulders. It didn’t have any facial features other than these large pointed ears and bright red eyes, eyes bigger than my balled up fist. It blinked a few times, like he was just as surprised to see me as well.  

His claws sliced through the screen as I stared at it. I had to be going crazy, right? Its enormous hand groped around my desk before landing on my last pack of cigarettes. It yanked them back, waved them in my face, and then it dropped out of sight with a chittering madman’s sound.

I screamed as loud as I could before slamming the window down. My dad came in and when I told him what I saw, he began to cry. Just crumpled into a ball on the floor and began sobbing.  

I had to tuck him into bed. I asked mom what was wrong with him, but she couldn’t answer me. All she knew for sure was that he came back late January 2, looking paranoid as all fuck and smelling like someone else’s perfume.

I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that my dad apparently is having an affair or how calmly my mom said that. Apparently she’d been onto him for months, and it’d been likely going on for years. Years. It was only that night she caught him.  

God, I wish I could just go back in my treehouse and hide for a bit but I can’t imagine leaving this house right now. Not with those things out there that laugh and whisper… even though they don’t have mouths.

January 10

The darkness took a house last night.  

The chittering from those freaks was so loud it woke me up. We crowded in front of the living room window and watched as dozens, maybe even a hundred of those monsters, surrounded the house across the street. Windows were busted in, the door was ripped off the hinges, and they flooded inside.  

The Kinneys started screaming seconds after they got in. They screamed for what felt like ages. And all we could do was stand there and watch.  

Dad bolted around the house after that, extinguishing every candle, turning off any lights we still had that worked. He’s sure they were attracted to the light. I don’t get it but honestly I’m not gonna argue with the guy who’s clearly two steps away from a mental breakdown. The Kinneys did have the most lights on still.

My thighs are going to be covered in bruises with how I keep bumping into everything every few steps. I can only use my flashlight to write in my diary, I have to leave it dark the rest of the time. All I can do is just watch the darkness outside the window.

January 11

Two more houses were ripped to pieces during the night… maybe the night, I can’t tell anymore. I count days by sleeps now. And now there’s not much else to do but sleep.  

I am getting better at seeing in the dark though, although all there is to see isn’t great. The monsters just took the Kinney’s house down, there’s nothing left but a pile of wood. The Lotts’ and Jarvis’ house is also destroyed. In the wreckage I can sometimes see dark shapes moving around them, more monsters, probably. I wish I could fucking see Lydia’s house, but it’s too far away. I hope she’s okay.

It’s clear my dad prepped for being here for a long time though, we have enough canned food to last until the end of the century. Something on that last normal night spooked him. And although he and my mom are clearly going to split the moment they can, he still cares about us. Even if he did betray us.  

I’m too tired to be angry. And too scared. Maybe turning the lights off was the right choice but who fucking knows.

January 12

Rhys Gill.  

That’s the name of dad’s ‘other woman’… or in this case, man. Boy this just couldn’t be easy, could it?

I was in the living room watching the snow when I saw a dark shape dart across the lawn. I almost screamed for my dad when I heard someone run into the door, but then I heard a voice.

“God, please let me in!!”  

I don’t know what made me turn the knob, but the guy nearly flattened me in his panic to get inside. The side of his face is all raked up from something’s claws, and right after I closed the door I heard something else slam against it, followed by an angered scream. That thing was right on his heels and I didn’t even see it.

My dad admitted it all to my mom in the other room when Rhys practically fell in my dad’s arms sobbing about how they weren’t just seeing things. Mom came out after a few minutes alone, dry eyed and holding a first aid kit. She patched up Rhys’ face while Rhys explained what had been happening all over the block. The monsters, or ‘Shadows’ as he called them, are in fact attracted to the light. Dad was right. But they also like heat. Rhys saw a few of them curled up around a burning house like a bunch of dogs in front of a fireplace.  

They didn’t bring the dark though. The ‘Other Thing’ did. Dad and Rhys refuse to explain further but apparently that night they saw something. Something… unknown.  

I’m praying for the sun’s return soon. Dad turned the heat off and we’re all bundling up.  

January 13

I like Rhys.  

That sounds so bad, I know, he’s the guy that’s ruining everything for my parents. But he’s super nice, he’s helping board up the windows so as little light and heat escapes but leaves peepholes for me to keep an eye out. He’s trying to keep the mood up by bringing up his travel stories, apparently he went all over Europe for summer vacation after he graduated. If I’m ever interested, he can recommend the best spots apparently.

I’ll take going anywhere to get out of this damn darkness.

I think even Mom likes Rhys, or at least is playing nice. There’s no room to be a dick while the world’s potentially ending. And dad… he looks happy when he’s with Rhys. Happier than he ever looked with mom.  

Fuck if I keep crying all over my diary I’m gonna make the ink bleed. I can practically see in the dark like a cat now, although Rhys gave me plenty of new batteries for my flashlight, so my handwriting’s actually readable. 

January 14

The monster that stole my cigarettes came back.

I know it was him because he’s made the butts into a creepy necklace. Dickhole, I could use a smoke. He was just peering in through the slats of my window’s barricade, tapping on the glass with his claws and making more weird warbling sounds.  

Rhys showed me his gun, he says if the monster tries busting through he’ll make sure to put it down. I’ve never felt so relieved.  

In the meantime, I’m calling it Nic (short for Nicotine) and I’m sleeping in my parent’s room. Well, mom’s room, dad and Rhys are now occupying a room in the basement.  

I wish they’d just tell us what they saw that night.

January 15

NicgotinNicgotinfuckfuckfuck-

I don’t even know how! I just heard Rhys and Dad scream and came down to the basement to find dad bleeding everywhere and Rhys trying to put a bullet in Nic’s head. He missed twice and ended up pegging it in the arm once. It bolted back long enough for Rhys and I to drag Dad to the main floor and to shut the door.  

Nic is stuck in the basement and he can’t get up here, but I do hear him pacing up and down the stairs. Dad’s… really fucked up. Mom started praying when she was patching up his neck, he looks super pale still and he’s going in and out of consciousness. Rhys is holding onto his hand and he’s bawling his eyes out.  

I think my dad’s dying.

January 16

Dad’s dead.

He passed sometime… well, don’t know really when, clocks have all stopped and haven’t been going for days. It’s like time’s not even real anymore, it’s just an eternal night until we all die.  

I peered out the window to see the front yard’s got a few more bodies in it, all pretty badly shredded, but I would recognize Lydia’s hot pink coat anywhere. I think the rest of the bodies are her family but I can’t tell. Won’t be able to either probably, even if I could get up close to them.  

We’re all going to die. Mom’s just laying in bed and Rhys is counting his bullets in between his sniffles.  

All I need to know is that he has more than three.

January 17

After we stashed Dad’s body in the office, Rhys sat both mom and I down and told us what happened.

They’d met by the old State Hospital, planning on going for a drive in Dad’s car while leaving Rhys’ stashed around there. Dad never once worked late in his life, which for some reason that of all things ticks me off. He always got on my case whenever I skipped a class or two and all this time he was practically gunning it from work to go meet his boyfriend.

At sunset they saw the monsters.  

Two of them, not counting the Shadows that surrounded the one that almost looked human, except he was too tall and too pale and had eyes black as night. The other one was hunched over and some sort of drooling creature with a maw not big enough for all its teeth, but it was clear these two creatures were not friends.  

The King (that’s what Rhys is calling the one with the Shadows) apparently attacked first, but the Beast fought back. It was then the sky began to grow dark, despite the sun still sitting on the horizon. They watched the sky grow black while the creatures continued to fight.  

They got the hell out of there before it became too dark, both going home and telling each other they’d been drugged. That was the only explanation for what unexplainable shit they’d seen. But they both still found themselves preparing, dad picking up all that canned food and Rhys digging that gun out of storage and making sure he had ammo.  

This has nothing to do with us. The King and The Beast just put us in the middle of their shitfest and we’re all going to die because of it.

January 18

Mom’s going to kill herself. Rhys and I aren’t going to stop her.  

There’s not going to be an end to this night. Mom knows this. The sun’s never coming back. Nic is still in the basement, pacing up and down those steps. It’s waiting for its friends to show up so they can kill us all, rip us limb from limb.  

Rhys is going to make a last stand when that happens, but Mom can’t bring herself to wait for the sun anymore. She sat me down and told me how much I mean to her, that she still loves dad even if he really, really hurt her. That she won’t think badly of me if I’m not ready to end it.  

I’m not. But I’m just glad she’s going to take pills and peacefully go to sleep instead of taking Rhys’ offer to use his gun. I’m not sure if I could take it if I heard the gun go off.  

I’m such a coward, I should be joining her right now. But I’m too scared to die.

I’m only sixteen.  

I don’t want to die.

January 19

This will be my last entry.

Nic and the others broke through last night, right through the basement door. Rhys took out a lot of them, but I’m not sure if he’s still alive since I’m not hearing any gunshots anymore. I’m barred up in my room, I keep getting whiffs of my parent’s rotting bodies and it makes me want to puke.

Why why why didn’t I go with mom yesterday I don’t want to die I don’t want to die

I can hear them in the hall. They’re looking for me. They can feel my warmth, even if my fingers feel numb and my teeth can’t stop chattering.

I can hear them whispering my name.  

I’m going to make a break for it out my window. I don’t have a doubt that I’ll freeze to death but I’ll take that over being ripped to pieces.

I hear it’s quite nice, freezing to death. You just sorta go to sleep.

Goodbye.

~*~

I found this in the attic of a home I’m restoring. There was a horrible blizzard a few decades back that destroyed a fuckton of homes, but nothing like this.  Maybe it’s a joke. Maybe it’s some creative writing homework or the beginning of a novel.

All I can say is that last night the sun went down… but it hasn’t come back up yet this morning.

[astridthevalkyrie]

From one south asian sister to another….. oh no :( have you been telling them you’re wearing the hijaab but not actually wearing it? I can definitely just TELL the absolute awkward tension though of them finding out.

Luckily enough my parents haven’t really forced it onto to me and respect my own boundary of when I want to wear it, I can wear it.

thank you for checking in! i'm gonna use this ask to explain what exactly happened. i'll put most of it under a cut since this got really long. at a cliffhanger too, click read more to see the story.

so my first day of work was yesterday, i started at a store in our local mall. i knew my parents were the type to drop in without warning and i did expect them to do it eventually, but not on the first goddamn day. i had my phone on me tucked under my clothes even though technically i should have left it in my bag, just so i could check their location, but obviously i was training and couldn't just pop it out and look at it whenever. so when they came and saw me, without my hijaab on, i never saw them.

my youngest sister texted me saying that my mom had come home, said they went to the mall, and said they "needed to talk to me." she said my mom didn't seem too mad, but obviously i got nauseous pretty much right away, i could barely focus in the last hour i was there. it was better that i knew before they could ambush me, though, so thank god for my sister.

i get home and immediately play off that i'm sleepy, and crash onto the bed for a "nap." i heard my mom say something like "so why weren't you wearing your scarf" but i was pretend half-asleep so it got brushed off. then i pretty much just laid there for a couple hours.

we were supposed to go to my aunt't house, but my mother didn't want to go anyway, and she told my sister that since i wasn't feeling well, she would just use me as an excuse to stay. and, y'know, fuck that. i have a ten page paper due today that i have written half a page of that i need to get done and submit in eight hours today. and i should have worked on that yesterday instead of going to my aunt's house, but the idea of being alone in the house with my mother after that revelation actually makes me wanna drive a knife into myself.

so anyway, i "wake up" and tell my dad i'll go, he just quietly nods along and whatever. so i go up, and now everyone's upstairs, and as i'm drinking water my mom asks, "why did you have your scarf off while working?"

and while i was asleep, i considered three options: a, i could tell her that i decided to do it for job hunting and work because of discriminatory reasons. b, i could tell her that i started doing it a few months ago when law school started. or c, i could i tell her the truth, that i've been doing it consistently for two years and even before that whenever i wanted since i was 13.

i went with option b. so i told her no one made me, or anything, i just didn't want to wear the hijaab anymore. and that went about as well as you would imagine it to. here are some of the things i heard last night (not capitalizing, but most of these things were yelled, not spoken calmly):

"You're so spoiled. I allowed you to stop reading Quran, but this is too much." - not true, I stopped reading Quran everyday and she has continuously pestered me about it since, she hasn't allowed me jack shit.

"What's next, you stop praying, and then you're not even Muslim anymore!" - haven't prayed in years, but she doesn't need to know that. also, never wanna hear anyone say to my face again that all muslim women choose to wear the hijaab and no one ever forces them, or at least not in the precious western world.

"I always thought cousin x was like this because of the way she was raised, but now my daughter with MY raising has turned out like this." - the cousin of hers she was comparing me to hit her while she was pregnant with my sister. lovely comparison. also way to make it about yourself.

"It's because you watched too many movies and listen to too many songs." - a classic. check out all those things i participated in that hurt so many people. listening to music? what a horrible sin.

"It's because you hang out with friend x and friend y, they've filled your head with these thoughts" - the friends she named were my two closest friends, both of whom are black women. mind you she followed up with "i don't want you hanging out with black or white or non muslim friends anymore" but she also reemed into friend y, who mind you, has always greeted her politely and dressed appropriately if she was visiting my house. the other girl? more religious than i am (though she's christian) and neither of them drink or smoke or anything like that. meanwhile a muslim girl i hang out with wears a hijaab on her head for sure, but she vapes, drinks, goes on dates, but sure. muslim girls are the fuckin role models for this generation, definitely.

(she also took this opportunity to walk into my sisters' room and scream that she doesn't want them hanging out with their nonmuslim friends either. we live in a very white area—they don't have muslim friends. i only started to make them in college because my high school didn't have any but me. so.....total isolation except from their family! how healthy i'm sure my sisters will be fine.)

"I don't want you around my other daughters, i don't want you influencing them." - probably the one that stung the most, but also hilarious. HILARIOUS that she thinks i need to influence them. my middle sister hates my mother at the age of 15 far more than i did in my teen years. she's had trichotillomania for years and my mother has consistently told her to: just stop, that she's doing it for attention, that she must like doing it, etc.. so, yeah, my influence? definitely not needed. it's not like my sisters come to me to talk about things they can't talk to our parents about. i'm not worried about the day i have to move out and leave them, not at all! i'm sure they're in such good hands!!!

oh, fun fact also! my mother got married at like 25? 26? and only started wearing her hijaab like a few years after that. i wonder how she was raised! if me having been forced to wear it at 8 is bad parenting, i wonder what this says about my grandmother.

and here and there my dad being the coward he is interjected with "i don't understand why it's so hard" to which i answered that i didn't expect him to. when she screamed at my sisters i told him to stop her and he just said "she's in shock." like okay??? so come scream at me you fucking bitch???? i also had to play pretend that my sisters didn't already know i did this.

my brilliant father also said that while i was living with them, i need to wear it, but after marriage it was on me. oh RIIIIIGHT. marriage! after i belong to a man instead of my parents! the marriage that could very well be to a man who requires a hijaabi wife! why didn't I think of that??? and when i told them as much my mom cut in before my dad could and said "so what if he wants a hijaabi wife? is it a bad thing for him to be religious? better than being a degenerate!" am i actually. here? is this real life? is this fantasy? i mean same woman who told me she hopes my husband beats me if i continue to do theater so not surprising, but i'm sure my spoiled little brat self just doesn't understad.

then my mother goes and sobs in her room for a couple minutes. my dad gives her: reassuring words, hugs, back rubs, comfort. i got a head pat. i mean i was crying too but not loud heaving sobs like someone just shot my cat, so what did i expect, right?

he tells me to start wearing it at work. i say no. he tells me to quit, then. okay. four interviews, four job offers—i got every. single. job. i. interviewed. for.—and i walk away with nothing. nothing! side note, will probably be opening commissions soon, because i'm not in a hurry to take up another customer service job and deal with this again. i quit this morning. the manager was understanding even though i worked all of one day and black friday is coming up. this one's genuinely on me. i could just work with my hijaab on. but i won't. and again, not the reason i did it, but something just tells me in the area we live in, i was not getting four job offers with a hijaab on my head.

anyway, i just ask him if we're going to my aunt's house, and we are.

in the car, with just him and my sisters, i talk openly. he knows that i don't wear my scarf when i don't have to. he doesn't care. supposedly he understands (how interesting that he understands when my mother isn't there to hear it.) his advice? "just tell her you will, and then don't." oh.......so what i've been doing! lying! fantastic, brilliant, inspired. and he's very sure that a, she will believe me when i do this now, b, i'll "definitely" be married within two years, and c, that she won't stop me from hanging out with my friends or sisters.

like, in the nicest way possible, i wasn't worried about that in the slightest. i pay for my car. i'm in law school—LAW SCHOOL!—on FULL ACADEMIC SCHOLARSHIP. and i'm bragging. i am. the year's tuition could have been more or around 50,000. my parents aren't paying a dime to send me here. if i'm gonna go get lunch with my friend after class, there's quite literally nothing she can do to stop me. my sister and i just will not stop talking and if she ever tries like locking my sister in her room it's fuck around and find out at this point. what does she hold over my head? a toxic home environment. it's definitely exhausting to study for LAW SCHOOL and do LAW SCHOOL reading and then come home to utter bullshit, whether that's more yelling or the silent treatment or whatever. she also cooks for me. again, nicest way possible, i can cook for myself. i can buy my own ingredients if i need to. i can eat out. i don't need my father's money to do it either. not that i have enough saved that i could live on my own, but my father isn't kicking me out of the house, and i worked hard and saved enough that i can very much afford to make meals for myself, thanks.

where my mom has me, and where she doesn't even know she has me, is that i'm not as batshit as her. sorry to seem ableist, but she gave me most of my mental issues, so. i care about my sisters. i do not want them dealing with her and her abusive ass everyday. i care about my pussy ass father. he's already in a marriage with her and works full time, he's got enough on his plate to have to deal with her ranting his ear off about it everyday. and i care about her. can you believe that? i don't. i care about this bitchy ass woman and how she's a victim, how she had to move to a new country after marriage and how her in laws don't always treat her well. how she's schizophrenic and how terrifying that must be. so after all that, do i have any choice but to play nice? i quit my job, i'll tell her what she wants to hear. i'm not going to wear my hijaab at school but i'll still let her think i do. if she wants to watch me pray, she can.

so at the end, i am still the only one compromising. and all this because i don't want to wear the hijaab. which is supposedly as so many stupid fucking people have told me, is my choice, it's up to me! i live in a western country! but it's okay because once a man owns me i will maybe be able to make my own choices. yay!

yeah. sorry for this, it's super long—thanks to anyone who read it. i now have to get this ten page paper out, because it's definitely too late to ask for an extension and professors don't really care about minor religious complications. hope everyone has a good day, love you guys <3

[xxemosceneacidscumxx]

Jeff the killer x FEM! Reader

~A Blinkless Gaze~

Part three

(Song: Take it away by The Used)

This time I woke up to mom tapping me. "Okok im up I'm up" I said forcing myself to sit up and stretch. I sighed and got ready, doing the normal stuff. Eventually it was time to go again. We got there, mom talked to Jan, and we went to a different room this time. "Mom where are we?" I asked. "We're early so Hal has to wake our patient." Oh. I leaned against the wall as we waited. Suddenly the door opened. "Cmon now" I heard Hal say. "Shut the hell up." I heard Jeff reply sounding angry. I moved to stand next to mom. "I don't know why the hell-" Jeff's eyes met mine again. He cocked his head to the side. I held back a giggle and just smiled. He smiled back. Well ok, he was already smiling, but he smiled with his mouth. My eyes nervously flickered to mom to see if she saw what happened. I couldn't tell. All four of us made our way to the rec room, and we sat down. Mom was talking Hal's leg off. I looked at Jeff. He was already staring at me. Now we just stared at each other. I made a stupid face as a joke. He made one back. I giggled silently. So did he. We were just smiling at each other. Mom walked off somewhere. I didn't mind though. I took it as an opportunity to speak to Jeff. "Hi." I said. "How're you" he responded. "I'm good, and you?" He bobbed his head side to side rolling his eyes. "I could be doing funner things.. I'd love to stick my knife into his head he's so dumb." I just stared, not knowing how to respond. Well he is a serial killer. He started laughing. "What's funny?" I asked. "Your face." I smiled. Mom and Hal walked over. "What're y'all laughing about." Mom asked looking at me specifically, none too amused. "Jeff said a funny joke." I said looking to Jeff. He was still smiling. "Well what was it?" Hal asked. "Wanna hear a dirty joke? A boy fell in a mud puddle." Jeff said. I just giggled. The day dragged on, except I talked to Jeff a little more often throughout the day, even with mom near. I could kinda feel this pull in my chest at Jeff and I liked it. We made small talk all day. At lunch we talked about our favorite foods, music, and hobbies. (Besides killing). Then it was time to go home. "Bye Jeff." I said. "Peace" he said. Me and mom made our way to the car. "I don't know what you think you're doing, but it's dangerous and you need to stop." Mom said sounding urgent. "What're you talking about?" She gave me the mom glare. I dropped the subject. We got home and, I ate my favorite food and went to sleep. The next day I slept in, as it was mom's day off. I woke up and went to go get some food. "Y/n get dressed there's someone I'd like you to meet." "Who?" I asked, mouthful of food. "You'll see." She said smiling. I went and got presentable. There was I knock at the door. "I'll get it" mom said. She opened the door for a man, about her age. He looked a little dodgy to me. But what do I know. "This is my boyfriend John, he'll be living with us." What the hell i just met him. Whatever. "Hi." I said forcing a smile. "Hello." He said.

3rd person

In a matter of weeks his true colors showed, drinking yelling, cussing etc.

Y/N's pov

I knew something was up with that loser, I should've said something. I thought bitterly as I cleaned the kitchen. Mom got back from the store. John was asleep on the couch. "Hi y/n" "hi" I said frowning. Suddenly mom whispered close to my ear. "It's only to help with the bills." I looked confused. She pointed to john's drunk ass. "Oh" I said. The next day it was finally time to go to the hospital again. I was excited to see Jeff again. Then I came to a horrifying realization. I like him. Mom can't figure it out. We made our way to the rec room again I looked for Jeff and found him. Mom chatted it up with another nurse. Nobody was looking so I went over to Jeff. "Hi" I said eagerly. "Where've you been?" He asked. "Mom was off yesterday." He cocked his head to the side. "You look tired. What happened." I didn't have anyone to tell so why not tell Jeff. I told Jeff everything about john and how terrible he was. "That can be fixed." He said. "What?" "Nothing" uhm ok. "So how're you?" I asked . "Same basic shit." He said. we stared at each other. That's what we do when we don't know what to talk about. We did that a lot today. Time to go rolled around. I don't wanna go home. "Bye, Jeff." I said. He reached his arms up like he was gonna hug me, but the chains stopped him. Hal and mom looked at him crazy. "Bye." I hugged him. It felt amazing. I didn't wanna let go. But I had to. I went home and the usual happened. John had his dickhead friends over. And mom served them. I was thinking about Jeff. I wanted him close to me forever. I fell asleep thinking about how I hugged him.

[haunybooboo]

March Madness. And seeing the Boilermakers so so well is exciting but leaves me feeling homesick. And sad. I miss West Lafayette. I miss working at the campus store directly across the street from the arena and selling bullshit like milk and cereal to Zach Edey.

On top of that there was a memorial for my uncle Mike yesterday and I wanted to go so so bad. But I wanted the boys to go. And unfortunately it was his weekend and I know he wouldn’t allow it. Or when the time comes that mamaw passes he wouldn’t let them go to that because he’s that evil and petty. Not to mention mom isn’t well enough for a trip that long, she’d be upset it I went without her but I also don’t think she wants people to see how she has declined.

I feel terrible. I’ve been asked where I was and it hurts. I was kept isolated from my family for over a decade and now everyone is dying off and I just want my boys to meet and know more of them before they’re all gone. I’m proud of my boys. And just want my family to know them too.

Still not sure about the situation from the other night. I had such high expectations that because we had know each other since we were kids and had a crush on each other that it would be some spectacular connection. Love at first sight etc blah blah blah. Instead as much was I wanted a chance at something, to feel love again. It’s just not what I want and I cannot settle. I can’t. I have plans and goals.

I’m not trying to sound like an ass but I deserve better. I deserve to be happy.

Right now just ready to get the boys back and celebrate Easter and get court over and carry on with our lives. And get back to routine and goals and dealing with whatever else gets thrown at me.

[castielsparkle]

I'm so jealous of your dad I got my mom into supernatural and obsessed with cas but she was soo confused when I even mentioned there being gay undertones. And she thinks dean's annoying 😕

/!!3?2$2; that is so crazy to me because . well. ok let me explain. my mom personally is evil and insane and when i was like 12 i would tell her about youtuber rpf and like. she is actively homophobic however she was a legit truther about youtube rpf ships which is. an entire thing. not an rpf guy btw need this to be known . not a fan. not about it whatsoever. actively disdain for it. Moving on. she still talks abt that stuff to this day. unprompted. despite being lgbtphobic love and light. MOVING ON. my dad literally like..... We did Not ask him to fucking do this . he started watching spn and anytime its on tv around him he starts going off about his gay dean truthing and how like. he doesnt subscribe to him being bi hes of the belief dean is a gay man. he also vibes with dean beinng a trans dude. he will make a comment about this at any opportunity . dean scene where hes like 'my boobs are real' cue my father unprompted immediately talking abt top surgery dean . hes insane. he says he is quote 'indifferent' abt trans dean headcanon. he says hes also quote 'indifferent' abt gay and bi dean however he 'sure does act gay with cas' which . is really fucking funny to me bc he put on a destiel compilation on youtube (?? did not fucking ask him to . i wanted to watch the 'deans gay thing' scene) and then it ended up being him critiquing fan compilations of deans behaviors and he even starts bringing up like . 'remember that time he looked at that guys ass in like the 50s' or whatever. like to prove there were better portrayals of dean being gay than in the destiel fan compilations on yourube. my god. he said yesterday separately to both me and my older brother about how he (my dad not dean) is like if gay was a gender and not a sexuality. not unpacking all that rn. but he said it to me when we were watching destiel compilation he put on and he had my older brother back him up abt how he said it earlier GSHJF. i dont remember whrte i was going w this. oh yeah. further context i am his only bio child ever . my older brother is found family we met like five years ago and he moved in w us at the end of last yr. bc dad offered. and before that he offered to move in my other bestie who i went to hs with who ive known for approx four years now and like . we are all trans guys btw. he offered to pay for our t if we set up ghe shit w insurance (this is happening rn i literally got my first t shot yday‼️) ANYWAYS.... all of this to say. my dad is always saying shit about jow destiel are gay or whatever. hes insane. no clue why. he insisted that like Yeah No its not even undertones is so blatant and overt that hes gay . he will say stuff like 'im not a fangirl i dont have headcanons' (insane sentence to hear btw) if u ask him directly abt it when were not watching spn bc it 'stays reserved for when were watching the show' but also like he will just. he. will say things. so much.

edit requests my dad has given me courtesy of my roomie from when they watch spn. in the car on the way to the store tonight he (my father) told me ANOTHWR idea he had which was when cas tried to speak to dean in lazrising and shatters all the glass and shit and hes like . quote. itd be a meme with the caption like 'autistic me not being able to control the volume of my voice.' which yeah. fire image idea. love it. he just says shit. hes always talking about how gay dean is and how detiel is real sorry i know this sounds like fucking down with cis bus and oppa homeless stylw and ahit i literally promise u im being so fucking for real. the first con i ever went to my dad took me and he dressed as naruto bc he doesnt 'kin' naruto but he says if he did kin it wouldbe naruto and pinkie pie . he also is obsessed w weird al. he knows rhat pinkie pie and weird al are married and have a child. he makes. interesting comments abt it when he talks abt how he would kin pinkie pie if he had to kin a my little pony. sorry this got way off the fucking rails. he also twitch streams twice a week. ive never watched sherlock but he did back in the day when it was popular. we also both watched doctor who together. sorry this got so divorced from ur ask anon my dad also got divorced he loves divorce. okay im so sorry im done now . also he says that sam is annoying sometimes

WDIT: SO FUCKING SORRY i forgot to add my dad said he quote 'kind of' would endorse this compilation . https://youtu.be/4McX1GUE3K8 he felt fairly positive about it.

[winderlylandchime]

Just want to send you guys little moments that have happened in the last few days that for sure wouldn’t have without qaf. Just in case if you guys thought that maybe he has even one normal day/moment in his life. I am here to show you that you’re wrong. Anyway:

Our mom called him like 4 times which he didn’t answer. Finally when he called her back, she asked why didn’t he answer before to which he said ‘sorry mom, i was playing with Brian’ and my mom went dead silent and had the most scared look on her face and then just slowly went ‘please, please say you mean the cat.’

He went on a walk with the neighbor that watched qaf and he mentioned to him that he saw Gale on Criminal Minds. And the guy, i guess told him that Gale was on Desperate Housewives and the next thing I see out the window is a grown man trying to speed walk back home. And he barges in and goes ‘we gotta watch Desperate Housewives! Right now! Brian is there!’ And when I told him that he’s only in a few episodes in a later season, he went ‘fuck. So now I gotta watch that whole thing for a bit of Brian? That’s rude but I guess I gotta do what I gotta do’ so now he put DH on his watch list next.

Then he had a call with his therapist and I don’t know what they talked about but whatever it was, it lead to him bursting into my room going ‘do YOU think Brian would fuck me if given the chance?’ We got into an argument because I refused to answer. I mean what do i even say to that? But also i want to know what he asked his therapist with the way he emphasized the word ‘you’.

I was in a “meeting” (more like a catch up) like 2 days ago with my boss and a coworker (who thankfully have met my brother and are both cool) when this dude burst into my office to ask ‘when do you think Brian fell in love?’ He thinks it was before prom, he can’t make his mind up between 1x16, 1x18 or 1x20 he wants to say it was sooner but he doesn’t think so. But he thinks prom solidified it, which btw he said all that while still in the room and then when he noticed my laptop, he very, very slowly walked backwards and closed the door behind him.

Then I went to our local store (it’s like a tiny corner store or whatever) and when I was at the check out ready to pay, the guy working there goes ‘hey, i thought you only had one brother?’ And i confirm that yes, i onky got one, thank god. And then he goes ‘so who the fuck are Brian and Justin?’ And i felt like a deer caught in headlights. Turns out he’s been talking about them like they’re normal people, so the poor guy thought Justin was our little brother and Brian is his boyfriend/my brothers friend.

And my all time favorite one this week was the one that even made our mom laugh so hard she cried: an old lady that went to PT with him (after pt they have him on like some lasers or whatever to help the pain, so he’s laying on one of the beds and she’s on the other) she has heard him talk about Brian to the nurse(!!!) so many times that she actually thought Brian was his boyfriend. And he didn’t even realize it until she left her last session yesterday and before she left she went ‘sweetheart, leave that man, you deserve much better than what he gives you plus by the sound of it, he’s still hung up on his ex’ and my dumb brother sighed and went ‘yeah, i know- wait what’ and she waved and left. He couldn’t figure out if he gave off a certain vibe or was it how he talked/moved and she was just being a little ignorant about it or if all this Brian talk made an old lady think he’s gay. And when I didn’t answer bc idk what to say, he got into an argument with me again because and I quote ‘how dare you not know if I’m gay or not to other people.’ Oh and he texted our mom ‘do I seem gay?’ But he fucked up and wrote ‘seam’ so it changed the whole thing to ‘Am i gay?’ Mom’s response was ‘i don’t know hunny, maybe. Who knows at this point anymore’ it took him TWO HOURS to realize the typo/autocorrect and by then it was too late to fix it so he just gave up.

So i’d say living with my brother at the hight of his Qaf obsession has been going great.

Dear sweet anon! This has made me laugh so hard. Your brother is really in the mix of it all, isn't he?

my mom went dead silent and had the most scared look on her face and then just slowly went ‘please, please say you mean the cat.’ LOL. Because let's not have an adult man with a new imaginary friend who's a character on a long ago TV show.

I am so terrified of what he asked his therapist. I wish your brother was my client because I would just discuss the show for a session and get paid but now I'm imagining this happening to a therapist who has never seen QAF and how confusing it must be and how this therapist is probably consulting with other therapists to figure out how much to indulge this. (Btw has QAF come up in my own therapy? Yes, yes it has.)

As for when Brian fell in love - that is such a good question. I think I had an anon who asked me that. I think there's a meta post in your brother that is dying to be posted to tumblr.

Also everyone thinking Brian and Justin are other brothers or your brother's boyfriend or... the fact that your brother is not prefacing all of this with "this is a tv show and these are characters on the show" is just fandom brain. And it's hilarious. And the little old lady telling him to leave Brian? DEAD.

Mom’s response was ‘i don’t know hunny, maybe. Who knows at this point anymore’ is a great response to "am I gay" but also brother not realizing the typo/autocorrect is killing me.

You are a saint. Thank you for your service. This is incredible.

[nsk96]

Personal rant and maybe some trauma dumping. Saving for later when I see a therapist (I may have to see one in secret because my mom thinks I should wait until I get a job before seeing one because she thinks they’ll have access to my psych info and that will prevent me from getting a job😬)

I went to an appointment with a neurologist yesterday and he was confirming my symptoms and health conditions and all that. Literally going down a list and I answered truthfully to all of them. Then he asked, “any weight gain” (in the past few months) and I said no.

My mom jumped in and said “really?” In a sarcastic condescending tone (right in front of the doctor. I think even he was shocked). I was taken aback but I just repeated my “no” to her nonchalantly. I honestly hate her sometimes. It’s like she can’t go a single day without saying something negative about my body. Even when I brought her constant negativity up to her last year and she promised she would not make any more comments about my body, but she’s been back to it again the past couple of months. And she likes to say “I know you’re sensitive about your body so I try not to say anything.”

1) I haven’t gained weight. I may have been eating junk food (that she bought) for lunch lately but I’ve lost 3 pounds since May and continue to lose weight because I’ve been more careful how and when I eat. Like eating junk for for lunch but eating a balanced breakfast and nothing but veggies/fruit for dinner. She even said in the car ride to the appointment that she gained weight. So projection much?

2) I’m not sensitive about my body. It’s just that because of her, I hated my body for 22 years, and now at the age of 27, I finally am starting to love my body and feel comfortable in my own skin. I don’t want her to ruin the momentum.

Also just a side note: it’s no surprise that my dad didn’t even care about my reason for seeing a neurologist. When my mom told him that my ophthalmologist referred me to the neurologist, the only thing that came out his mouth was “I hope it doesn’t cost us too much.” Not once did he ask why I was being sent to the neurologist. Never asked what’s wrong.

And then today some more of the things I bought online arrived. I got a mini 8-key kalimba and a Sailor Moon music wind box. My mom of course tried to make it seem like they’re unnecessary and she was like “you’re not even going to use those things, you don’t have the time.” Why she got to shit on my parade? I’m finding things I like and enjoy and using these things pull myself out of the depression I’ve been in (since last December). And musical instruments is somewhat of sore spot for me. Not having the time to learn how to play instruments is not my fault, and it sucks that I always been drawn to it. Since I was 4 I was always dabbling with whatever instrument I could find and didn’t care what my playing sounded like. I just wanted to make music. But my brother was the one who got music lessons (which he hated and never appreciated) and we couldn’t afford any lessons for me. And that sits on my subconscious and resurfaces whenever I see an instrument. I think that’s one of the few things I was envious of my brother for. That along with the social privileges he had for being a son instead of a daughter.

I also find it funny that she acts like she knows what I would use. Lady doesn’t even know I bought toys…the other kind of toys, if you know, you know 👁👄👁

Honestly, it’s shit like all of this (as well as the things I mentioned on other rant posts) that makes me want to get my own place and cut contact once I get a stable pharmacy job. I don’t need my mom instilling her insecurities and outdated views into my future children and I don’t need my dad even being around them.

I wanted to move out this semester without my dad knowing. I would spend my days there and then sleep at home. Use the place to study and store healthy food and be able to personalize the space to finally feel at home somewhere. My school would have given me the loan for rent. My mom talked me out of it saying “let’s save the money. And if your father finds out about you moving out, he’ll cut you off and you’ll no longer be covered under his health insurance. We still depend on him for a lot.” Okay I understand that but I sure hope you don’t use that as an excuse to stay with him after talking big about how you’ll divorce him when I finish school. Honestly I want to get out now, I hate living this way. I hate how hard it is to eat healthy and to have to guard my food. I can never do food prep the night before because of him and my health is suffering because of it. My hair has been falling out even more and I have visible bald spots now. There’s only so much that vitamin supplements can do…

[medandana]

I PASSED MY COMPREHENSIVE EXAMS

the universe really likes to surprise me. it was around 1:30 pm when the results came out. they posted our student numbers, instead of our names, on the bulletin boards for privacy. as i was sizing up the list, it was clear that less than half of us made it—probably around 40% at best. nervously, i began tracing my fingers down the list, focusing on the last five digits of my student number, since the first six were identical for everyone. i told myself that whatever happens, i could always retake it next semester, though deep down, i really didn’t want that. not after all the countless hours studying, the sleepless nights, the energy, and the money (especially on coffee) i had invested.

for a bit of context, the comprehensive exams covered all subjects from first to second year. i had sacrificed my saturdays and sundays for the entire month of august to take those exams, leaving little time for me to focus on my third-year topics. on top of that, i hadn’t done much prep over the summer because it was just a blur of personal struggles, so i wasn’t in the best condition, both emotionally and mentally, when i took those exams. in fact, it felt less like an exam and more like a marathon, one that stretched on for weeks.

anyway, when i got to the second row, i found my student number. my whole world froze. i reread it again and again—five more times, just to make sure i wasn’t imagining it. i had passed. as soon as it sank in, i hurriedly slipped out of the library and called my mom, who was with my dad. they were both ecstatic. my dad even joked, “you��re better than me,” which made me laugh because i know he was a stellar medical student back in the day. i had a 3 pm neurology class but decided to skip it and asked my mom to pick me up. i wanted to share this victory with my parents. when she arrived, i hugged her in the car, and we went straight to the grocery store to buy ingredients for pasta—a celebratory dinner for tonight.

while walking through the aisles, i gave my mom a tight side-hug and told her how much i missed her and how happy i was to be shopping with her. she kissed me on the cheek, and in that moment, everything felt right.

now i’m back home, and we’re resting a bit before starting on dinner. just when i thought the world had ended yesterday and last week, the universe had my back when i least expected it. i’m trying not to get ahead of myself, to revel too much in this one success, but maybe, just maybe, i should allow myself to feel this happy. all i can say is that i know i’ll survive whatever it is i'm weathering right now. i know i’ll survive it, just like i always do. i’ll bounce back—i always have.

[personaldairyentriesarchive]

Monday, May 30, 2022

14:22

I am sweating. Today when i woke up it was 7:20 and i wanted to sleep for two more minutes just to ease my mind but i forget to press the start button on my timer so i almost passed out without knowing. Luckily i woke up in four minutes. Yesterday mom put mosquito spray oil into my lunch bag and i put them in my back pack, the lunch is three cucumbers, two boiled eggs and pork steak, the breakfast, which i ate really late was sandwich with lattice, egg and ham. When I departed i went to take a PCR test and got the code. When I arrive and preparing for opening i found out that the milk refrigerator was full of bugs, i killed them and cleaned it. Why are they here? I even sterilized the inside of the refrigerator with alcohol.

I had the lunch with the lady from reception, we barely talked, she had chicken breast pan fried with soy sauce plus vegetables(purple yam, carrots, cucumber which she complained about why it was cooked rather than raw) and spaghetti with tomato sauce. She gave a bit spaghetti to me and it was good. She left a bit spaghetti and asked for a cup for storing the left over chicken breast and purple yam for the stray kitten that is in the security room. I don’t know why there is a kitten there.

14:49

just few minutes before i had two female customers ordered 5 cups sea salt caramel latte, take away. I gave one cup to them with sealed opening because she wanted to drink it but she didn’t. We ran out of the four cups take away bags and i used two cups bags. I apologized about not having the take away bags due to only few customary coming in and one of them(black hair, no glasses) asked how many cups of coffee i have sold today, i told them before them it was five and we only sold for like 2-3 cups per day last weeks, they chuckled. She then asked “i spent Sox much money here can I get something like a discount or benefit?” I proceed gave her a coffee ticket expire before 30th the June. I heard from their conversation that some guy throw the tickets away because they are expired. I then told them that they could still use them here and then they left.

14:55

I spent the morning reading Anarchist’s Handbook and it pretty hard to understand some 19 century article which are presented in the book. I asked in WeChat moment for a good anarchism book and a high school philosophy enthusiast replied me with Anti-Odeipus or whatever it is called. That was happened in the noon.

I had two cup of handmade Americano today, it was refreshing because they were icy, but I can’t stop sweating.

14:58

uncle brought a bunch hentai games and one of them is hardcore gay sex themed.

18:30

I arrived home at six and mom is happy but she told me about the bull dog in our neighbourhood who seemingly having epilepsy, he had seizure attack once. Then we talked about something fun such Margaret Atwood’s fire proof book etc. Dad is not home yet and mom told me another thing: grandpa is coughing (he does that sometimes) and they ran out of the coughing syrup. The pharmacy is not opening for those medicine yet due to the bullshit COVID policies, mom suggest she buy it for them online but they refused thinking its a waste of money. Mom later found two bottles of syrup and bought it to them. Today’s dinner: daikon and rib soup, soy sauce cooked green bean(?), stir fry tomatoes and eggplants, soy sauce cooked pork left over and water boiled shrimps. Dave and mr hua are good. Also i forgot to bring the coffee syrup home, and we forgot to feed the stray cat yesterday

19:27

dad is back and he is unhappy, through the whole meal he talked about shit and was grumpy.

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Skating on Thin Ice - Chapter 28 - Part 1

*Warning - Adult Content*

Elijah Ellis

Since Dad had to work late the next Thursday evening, he enlisted Josh and me to do the grocery shopping after hockey practice.

We were both tired and Joshua was trying to get through the aisle as quickly as possibly while I slowly dragged my feet behind him.

"Where the hell is the lemon juice?" Joshua said in frustration as he scanned through the items on the shelves.

"Maybe if you slowed down a little, you'd be able to find it," I muttered, Joshua turning around to glare at me.

"Maybe if you were actually helping me, we'd be getting out of here quicker," he said in a sharp tone.

I sighed and plucked the lemon juice off the shelf he had just passed, tossing it into the carriage.

"Oops," Joshua said with an innocent looking smile.

"Why are you so down today?"

I knew he had noticed my sour mood by the looks he had given me all day whenever he saw me.

He was able to refrain from saying anything while we were at school but it was obvious his curiosity got the better of him.

"My mom called me yesterday," I admitted, causing Joshua's eyes to widen.

"You need to tell Dan," he replied.

"I know."

He didn't respond, though I could tell he had more to say.

"What's that on your neck?" Joshua asked after a few moments of silence between us, poking the bruise I had tried to cover.

"Nothing," I immediately replied, shoving his hands away.

Joshua's eyes widened again.

"Who have you been kissing?"

I rolled my eyes.

"No one."

"You're a liar," he said.

"But I already knew that."

I just scoffed and ignored his words.

Joshua squinted in confusion at the list Dad had given us and then looked over at me.

"Do they even sell tampons at the grocery store?" he asked, scratching his head.

"Yes you idiot," I replied, walking ahead of him to direct him.

"Well I don't know," he defended.

"I don't usually grocery shop."

That much was obvious. Admittedly, when we got to the aisle even I was overwhelmed.

There were so many different kinds and sizes.

I had thought I'd just be able to pick up a box and that would be it but it turned out to be much more complicated.

"What kind do they like?" I asked Joshua, staring at the shelves filled with every type of tampon known to man.

"How the hell should I know?" he replied.

"Well does it say it on the list?" I questioned in an annoyed tone.

"No."

The two of us stared at the shelves for at least five minutes before I just picked out a box that said regular.

"Do you think these are good enough?" I wondered.

"Probably?"

"If Ava is pissed about it then I'm telling her you picked them," I said as I threw the box into the carriage.

"Whatever."

*******

After we finished getting everything on the list, we quickly checked out and headed home.

We were the only two there when we got there so we put all the groceries away before Joshua told me he was going out with Emma.

When he left, I headed up to my room to sit on my cell-phone.

I wish I had the will power to stop myself from checking my messages but it seemed like it was all I could do when I was alone.

All I could do was just read the hateful things being sent to me.

It was masochistic but I couldn't control it.

It was the same old stuff they had been sending the last few days, calling me slurs and trying to scare me out of going to the hockey tournament in two weeks.

Even if I wanted to, I could never back out of it.

My team wouldn't let me, Fox wouldn't let me.

I was distracted from my thoughts when I hear my father raising his voice downstairs.

He must have just gotten home, even his stern voice managed to sound gentle.

I went downstairs to see what the commotion was about.

"I'm not happy with you, Ava," he said as my youngest sibling sat on the couch as he stood in front of her.

"I know, Dad," she replied in a similar tone to his.

"You are in no position to be giving me attitude right now."

"What's going on?" I asked in a curious tone, causing my father to look over at me.

Ava sighed and turned around to face me.

"I got in trouble at school and now I'm going to get in trouble at home too."

"You didn't just get in trouble," Dad interjected.

"You hit somebody. That's unacceptable."

"He was being an ass," Ava defended herself.

Dad sighed and shook his head at her as if he didn't know what to say.

"I told you don't talk like that," I reminded her, moving to sit beside her on the couch.

She narrowed her eyes at me.

"I'm not in the mood to be lectured by you."

She was never in the mood but I wasn't about to add fuel to the fire.

Ava was very easy to piss off and she already looked beyond pissed.

"Did you hit him to defend yourself?" Dad asked with a thoughtful expression.

"Yes and no."

"What does that even mean?"

"He made me mad because I was talking with my friends about how I wanted to get back into hockey and try out next season for the school," Ava started to explain.

She had played hockey when she was younger but decided to quit because she didn't like getting up for the early morning practices.

"And he butted into our conversation and said that I couldn't try out because we don't have a girls team," she continued.

"Of course you can try out," Dad said.

"Some boy can't tell you that you can't."

The air left my lungs at her words.

Dad stared down at her with a shocked expression, willing Ava to continue.

"Apparently his cousin plays on Elijah's old team and he knows that he's my brother so he started saying some really awful things about him," Ava said with an angry expression.

"I told him to shut up and he wouldn't so I punched him."

Neither Dad or I had any idea what to say.

I didn't want my little sister to have to go around punching people for me and I didn't want her to have to listen to people say vile things about me either, especially if it made her that upset.

Instead of saying anything, I got up from the couch and went back upstairs to my room.

I heard Dad say something to Ava before his footsteps followed behind me.

[spillingteawitht]

GARY WAYT SEEN?!

This update begins yesterday 06/13/2024, as fans and worried family members of Gary Wayt have been keeping an eye open to find Gary after he went missing on 06/09/2024, after an altercation with Amber Portwood, and allegedly left with only his wallet and keys in a grey Nissan rouge SUV, Gary was essentially gone without much a trace. Well, yesterday it was reported that Gary was seen allegedly on video in a Verizon store, I'm guessing to get a new phone seeing as he was said to have left his other phone at the Airbnb rental he was staying with Amber to celebrate her brother's wedding.

Now this latest update is from Perez Hilton's popular blog, saying that Gary has been seen in New Mexico (yes I give credit to sources.) There's a lot of speculation among fans and Amber haters alike, as to what happened that caused Gary to leave. As we know everything we see whether from Teen Mom update pages, or any other tabloid site, Is only a rumor and never confirmed true unless spoken about by the people involved, I'm assuming you're watching this closely for many reasons, curiosity, or hate watching, or genuine concern. Either way, it's here.

Also according to Teen Mom Updates on Facebook, yesterday Maci Bookout flew to North Carolina to support and be there for Amber during this difficult time, regardless of what we think of Amber, It's genuinely good to see that the women of Teen Mom are supporting each other and being there in the hard times and cheering for each other in the good times.

Hopefully, Gary has gotten in touch with his family since going to the Verizon store in Oklahoma, but to my knowledge that hasn't happened yet. We still don't have many updates about this situation as of now, as you know we're all watching this in real-time and finding out together, again I just want to remind you to be praying for Amber and Gary, or sending positive vibes or whatever it is you do, I know not many people like Amber, but regardless of that, this isn't something anyone should be going through.

As you know I'll keep updating as I learn more, I will be praying for not only Amber but also Gary's family. Regardless of your feelings towards Amber, there's a whole family affected by this, people who love and miss Gary, people who we don't know, don't know their history, but people missing their son, cousin, brother uncle, etc.

Amber as you know is trying to be better than her past, so who are we to hold that on her? I know that won't be a popular thing for me to say, but that's fine. If you watch the show regularly you know Amber has been struggling with many mental health issues from the beginning, that may trigger her to have larger reactions than what you or I may have.

Teen Mom is, unfamiliar is still airing on MTV and it's called now "Teen Mom The Next Chapter" it follows some of the original mom's and some from Teen Mom 2,and Amber Maci and Catelynn are still apart of this show, and in a recent clip from a new episode Amber is seen showing Leah, who is now 15 years old, a picture of Gary at Leah's birthday dinner, making the moment about her rather than Leah, things escalated and Leah asked her step mother Kristina if they could be excused and go to the bathroom.

Now I can only assume what led to Gary taking off from this Airbnb and leaving his phone and amber behind, but until we actually know what's been going on we can only assume. So all that being said, let me know what you think in the comments

[xoalyco]

I saw - yesterday. I’m not sure how I feel about it. Is it finally our turn? Did we wait long enough? Are we mature enough now? We laid in bed talking about the love we once had for each other. He actually started it by saying, “you are my one true first love.” And it’s true. We were so young and irresponsible with this strong connection. No one can blame us really and we can’t blame ourselves because we didn’t know better. We didn’t know what we had it was the first time we ever felt that way. We didn’t know what we had. Or did we. I’ve never been so romantic and cheesy with anyone else, of course I had boyfriends before him but he was different. I wanted to express my love in every way possible through my body, words, and letters. I can remember nights we would take his moms blue jeep up the mountain. We would pull over on the side of the road and crawl onto the top just to get a better view of the stars. I imagined a life with him, secretly I still do. I wonder if I always will or if my thoughts will become reality. He said to me, “we are going to grow apart, grow up, and we will come back together. I know it.” His confidence in this statement haunts me to this day. I brought it up when I saw him yesterday, I asked if he meant it back then. He replied, “yes.” I followed up with a, “what about now do you still believe it?” Forgive me I don’t remember his exact words because I was so astonished by what he said, “look at us right now. You are one of the best people I’ve ever meet I’ve always been into you. I think you are exactly what it means to be an embodiment of a woman.” Embodiment of a woman. I’ve never been told that. I don’t really feel like a woman yet. But this made me feel very empowered. I want whoever I’m with to see me this way. We laughed and talked about the horror stories of living with our exes (which was very therapeutic btw). Truthfully it hurts to think he was so serious about that girl that they decided to live together but that’s what you do at this age I am too guilty. He gave me the rundown on his family and the things that have changed them followed it up by saying, “trauma dump.” Which I thought was hilarious. I appreciated it though. I live for the deep talks like that and connection I crave it. I’m glad he is mature enough to talk about it. Of course we had sex too. It’s like our bodies were made for each other. They fit perfectly and know just exactly what to do, how much to do it, and where to do it at. It’s mutual. It’s enjoyable and honestly I’m not even into sex like that. But once again it’s different with him. I didn’t want to leave and he didn’t want me to either so I didn’t. I basked in the moment. We held each other like no time had passed. We played one round of darts in his room which we tied and he wouldn’t play again because he said, “I’ll never move those darts so a part of you will always be in this room, but you don’t even know what the picture was that was behind the board.” Which was weird but whatever. I went to take my makeup off and he came in the bathroom to pee I asked if he wanted me to blow out the candle since we were about to sleep (It was a weird candle like one you get from a crystal store with no smell and mother Mary on it) he said yes so I did and he said, “got you twice.” Which I also don’t know what he meant. Then he talked about how he wants me to have his children which was weird. We went to sleep then the next day woke up and went downtown for coffee. We matched with our new balances on. When we walked in the coffee shop I felt proud to be there with him secretly I wanted everyone to notice. Then we got sushi naturally he ordered for me. We sat in the back booth at oishi and tried each others sushi rolls. It was so nice and pleasant. We were laughing having great conversation. I didn’t feel like I had to be any other way than myself around him. I felt calm. We went back to his house and he let me pick his profile pic on the game and we watched a movie. I had already seen it but I was just enjoying being there.