#like. im. im stuck in a corner
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pacing back and forth in front of my laptop like a caged tiger debating on making an amazon account
#on one hand: god no fuck no ive held out this long#on the other hand: i need very specific things that stores usually only sell online#and the nearest stores that Might have them are over an hour away and that takes so much fucking gas which is Expensive#not anywhere near worth it for a maybe#like. im. im stuck in a corner#absolutely unprompted#i dont want to contribute to amazon but there are things i cant get otherwise ive Checked the other online stores that would have them#and it can have lower prices and Sales...#fuck. well im contributing to late stage capitalism merely by living in the usa so might as well#i will use it as little as possible. i swear this to myself#i will only use it when im sure that there are no other options#THE DAY'S WHIMSY IS FADING RAPIDLY!!!!#i am no longer sipping at this tasty beer like someone Indulging#i am taking Swigs like someone trying to forget#it really is delicious tho. very bready and not too bitter <3
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okay .. take two !!!
+ bonus doodles
#i !!!! like this design a lot more#kinda worried abt the cloak …. but !!!#what do we think ………..#oh. wait. also#-> tried to combine the v shape and the cloak#figured out how to incorporate the bottom half wing like design#they have tails !!! they like to sometimes pretend it’s like a bird#(loop running around bc swish swish flowy) (bats their eyelash) am i not the prettiest bird youve ever seen#also while the leg straps for knife was cool#i feel they. while it wouldd be easier to maybe access#anyone could take it !!! the way it was !!!!#into the holster and belt you go#OH and and#the little chains and pendants dangling from the belt ?? those are like keychains from all the things that remind them of their journeys#OH and they’re wearing. kind of leggings ??? for better agility#im trying not to overdo everything. so that it’s not so cluttered#but that. also Is this point. as fun as this outfit is most of it is just loop taking clothing items they first see and running off#“okay rogue time. i can do rogue.” tthey are a mess <3#they’re kinda in that stage of. between siffrin and figuring out who They are now after all of that. clinging slightly while also changing#(they absolutely did steal those little pins from sif btw <3) they thought it would be funny to see how long it took for him to notice. and#then it just stuck.#“why is loop okay with the cloak now?” bc !!! its not a one to one. and also. sif here found loop at possibly the worst spiral ever#it Would have brought equal comfort as it did discomfort if they wore both the hat and cloak then. and (their words) it would be much easier#to tell which siffrin was who !!!!!!!!!!#agh .. okay#lantern’s art corner#isat spoilers#isat
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werewolf bernard x witch tim
#thinking of this in terms of bitten wolf bernard who seeks out tim bc he’s the most proficient at potions and remedies#looking for a cure bc he already doesnt feel normal or like he fits in society and this has just amplified that to the extreme#not feeling like himself and just massive amounts of discomfort in his body bc of the changes that he’s facing#heightened senses and a deep yearning for some type of connection (wolfs are pack animals)#and tim who has to break the new that bernard’s stuck with this for the rest of his life#but who doesnt want him to go through this alone bc he knows what thats like and he doesnt wish that on anyone#guiding him through all the changes and slowly filling that sense of pack to bernard#tim who has closed himself off and exist in this little corner of the world to limit any type of socialization bc of a accident that happen#early in him coming into his magic#them helping each other bernard learning to live with his new normal and tim learning its okay to lean on others#blah blah blah#im literally just yapping in these tags (sorry)#they really could work for any type of supernatural pairing#i just really like the idea of werewolf bernard#timbern#timber#bernard dowd#tim drake#dc
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gen loss >:] and a written out talking to myself because i think it’s funny that it looks like a star wars intro
#the words randomly in the corners from other drawings was stuff i was drawing about the other 3/5ths of sorry looking for ran and charlie#only one drawing made the cut lmao that’s why tommy innit is randomly here w a flashlight#could just be a random kid though so you didn’t hear that from me#oh wait i lied in the star wars intro blurb there’s more of it lmao that definitely gives it away even if i said nothing#also i cropped two drawings into blank corners and the spinny one isn’t genloss but it IS from an rbg trio among us stream (vr one)#tbh since i watch streams w/o 100% attention i thought he was stuck spinning for real since it happened the first time i was like 🤨#like ran you fixed it last time just pick up the controller again that’s it#im a fool#this is only half of the ones i’m posting cause i didn’t realize how much i doodled#generation loss#EW IT SUGGESTED @1 GENERATION#SORRY FOr the CRINGE CENSOR BUT I DO N O T WANT THIS IN THAT TAG#anyway#generation loss fanart#ranboo fanart
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Little Sprout: what happened with big us?
Current Sprout: ................ *INCOHERENT SOBBING-*
yeahh- *sniffles*
#asks#god 2al had changed so much#and holy shit tysm to the people who have stuck with it for all this time#the au is over 10 months old#year anniversary around the corner...#man#like I know the whole au lost some traction after *gestures to twist* but#im still so happy to keep writing the story#waugh#holidays are crushing me atm with fam taking up my free time#and there were some other irl stuff that happened beforw then but#I hope to get back into a weekly schedule#maybe....#and im not sure exactly when#might be in like#another 2 to 4 months????????#but theres going to be another poat an update every day of the week event im excited to get to#that and oh boy#that 3 minute long animation project im slowly getting through#augh#tangent#im just emotional over this au man#my baby#changed so much#for the better or worse doesnt matter to me
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ori blind forest... ori will of wisps... pritty games... made me cry...
#ori and the blind forest#ori and the will of the wisps#but like holy fucking shit these games#especially the second one like OMG??#both the stories in both games are like RRARARAGDHSBKSHGG???#AND SO PRETTY BACKGROUNDS???#IM GOING INSANE I JUST FINISHED WOTW EARLIER AND I CRIED LIKE JESUS CHRIST OMG???#IM GONNA BLOW THEM UP WITH MY BRAIN#IM GONNA LESRN TO DRAW THE CHARACTERS SOME TIME SOON BC RRARFAHDGSUSG FOUNF FAMILY MY BELOVED#I NEED TO FIND THE FAMILY#(although i WILL explode blind forest for not letting me back into that one area in forlorn ruins and leaving me stuck at 99% with TEN HOUR#ON THAT SAVE AND IM NOT GONNA LET THAT GO IM SO MAD)#but other than that ori games... my beloved... gonna sit in a small corner in my brain... until i can draw them well enough for my liking..#also lupo youre so silly i love you#and gumo youre also silly goober
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more OoT doodies
#my art#fan art#doodles#legend of zelda#ocarina of time#i got stuck with the lighting floors#nobody told me about the corners bro#only plus is the I got basically every puzzle figured out on my own until the boos floor yippee#im learngin#and I like the music for the place yay
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anyone know if bookbinding glue works on canvas? im thinking i want to add a shield to my halloween costume next year and am trying to figure out how to attach the front
#not silm#not art#halloween#first attempt w cardboard hot glue and canvas worked fairly well but the back is kind of lumpy from the glue and the corners arent great#so im thinking of doing painted canvas on book board with binding glue to adhere it#so itll be nice and sturdy#not sure how i would attach the straps though#unfortunately im too busy to do much in the way of costume upgrades rn but for next year i have a few things in mind#i definitely want to do a cloak- i saw this nice quilted fabric at joanns that could work as an insulating/lining layer to give it weight#i really want to do fake fur trim for the Fancy Himring Cloak but ill have to find something im not allergic to#idk how to do cloak clasps but the actual sewing part should be reasonably simple since its mostly one piece#just have to attach the outer layer and the lining layer and hem the thing#for the helmet im trying to find larger brads that might work to add a rotating visor#idk how to get it to stay shut though. will probably have to adjust the angle so it doesnt keep getting stuck on my nose#and so i can actually wear glasses with it and not fall down every single set of stairs like last time i wore it#anyone know if there are like. sewing patterns but for 14th century helmets?#armor wise i might actually go with the slipper top for pauldrons#would probably be decently padded#gambeson means i need to learn how to sew shirts#so maybe thatll be a few years down the line#for the shield i have one custom heraldry and one feanorian heraldry. maybe ill make two shields idk#the cuirass is going to be harder - maybe alternate a few layers of cardboard and quilted fabric? would that get too thick tho#ive tested cardboard + heavy waffle blanket gambeson and that works pretty well so maybe just go with that#maybe a cheap bookboard layer for the top?#idk how well you can paint book board though. will have to run some experiments
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Keeping track of my quail chick numbers (they love killing themselves)
I keep them inside on that plastic window screening for the first day and that usually takes care of/prevents mild splay leg (quail chicks loooove to get splay leg), then bring out the healthy looking ones as they get more active 🧡 its been working put great so far. Huge brooder in small space works great too since i want them outside asap
#quail#the waterer is specifically made so they cant drown themselves and i came in to three soaking wet the other day.#no idea how thats even possible. and i need to make sure there’s enough space between everything or they’ll suffocate themselves#theyll also just make cold clumps of chicks in a corner instead of going under the brooder so i have to check on them all the time#im doing great this year though only lost about 5 that started off looking healthy#i hatch a lot because either i sell them and make money or theyre food 👍#its not like chickens where if they dont sell im just stuck with them
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if i had a dime for every time an animated series started with the mc's kid-self getting their extremely battle savvy parent killed because they literally can't listen to directions just fcking once and stay out of grown folk business......
#vinland saga#castlevania nocturne#nocturne spoilers#richter belmont#im going to spend the whole series hating him just like thorfinn#and all bc he couldn't just listen. you're a literal child if you don't go sit in a corner and pick your nose or some shit#no. now you're momma dead and you caused a whole domino effect of bs I'm probably going to be stuck watching for three seasons#and all bc everyone else in the series is great expect you. you fcking suck top 10 hateable child MC
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...
#what do you call it when a mind is lacking in depth of m thought? is there a word for that?#because all my mind can do is spin in tiny circles. never push any further. no depth of thought#i cant even carry out this line of thought to completion in my head. i have to write it down like this or else it remains stuck in an eddy#its so frustrating. when my thoughts are pressured i spin so fast it feels like my head might pop but the thoughts never go anywhere#bc they just repeat the same god damn things all thr fucking time. they drag me around in circles. then when im feeling low or even like#normal. my head just feels empty and it freaks me out. i have no intersting thoughts to think. theres nothing behind my eyes#possibly its just my brain on 0cd. but how am i suppose to escape the spiral if its in my own head? i guess im just supposed to changr my#reaction to it. recognize what it is and let it go. but i dont like it#i just want to curl up on a warm tile floor. press myself into a quiet corner and not think anything#in an aquarium or a conservatory. specifically the conservatory in Columbus. i love that place#i went there for my birthday when i was like 12 bc i liked it so much. the botanically gardens and the butterflies and the stained glass#i dunno. i just like it there. ugh. im just tired#god. there was a really cool talk today and im always like im not that inattentive lol but then i cannot for the life of me follow a talk or#read a paper all thr way through. my short term working memory is just a tiny little cup. easy to overfill#so i miss mostly everything. its so frustrating#its all frustrating. whatever. back to the psychiatrist tomorrow. probably up thr lamicta1 dosage#bc im past where i was last time i had a reaction to it 💪#i just wish i wanted to draw. drawing just makes me tired and impatient rn#unrelated
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got myself a little pocket radio bc you never know when severe weather might knock out the power or cell towers but apparently there aren't any weather radio stations i can pick up :/
#there just aren't any in my area#and im right in between the two closest stations so they interfere since they're on. the same frequency#there ARE other radio stations in my city im listening to one right now that plays alt rock#like From This City not even a neighbour city#but there's none that report weather#i wanna have a weather radio bc i have a deep fear of tornadoes#ive been doing tornado drills since i was a small small child they're a pretty common thing here#and i have had. so so many nightmares where i got stuck somewhere during a tornado#stuck in a car as it gets picked up or stuck at school watching the building just disintegrate in front of me#one time we did actually get stuck at the school during a tornado warning they couldn't let us go home bc we had to shelter#so we were kept at the school for maybe an hour until the warning lifted just curled up with our heads down for so long#i still instinctively know the tornado sheltering position- legs folded under you; head down as far as possible; hands covering your neck#even though i haven't done a drill since i moved nearer to the lake#tornadoes get less common closer to the lake but living in the middle of nowhere they just Spawn Everywhere#another time we got word of one touching down while i was on the school bus going home#i was literally the last student on the bus and we were like at the corner about to turn to my street#and the bus driver decided to just stop there and let me sprint home bc it was faster cutting through the woods than going up the driveway#she just opened the door and said 'just go straight to your basement don't stop don't wait for anything'#she waited to make sure i could find the key bc i was home alone and then just drove the school bus to her own house so she could shelter#I've never seen any tornado damage firsthand but like. you never know when one could just wipe out a town#especially small towns like my old hometown if that place ever got hit by a tornado nothing would be left#it's literally one street that's the town center and most of the residences it's TINY and getting smaller every year#i think it'll be a ghost town soon most of the businesses have shuttered and a lot of houses are condemned
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Something I adore when it happens is someone finding someo NPC without anything really standing out... and then writing a fic about it/ deciding "oh just a littol guy". It gives me so much life
#im not sure if initial introduction Misraaks counts here#but there were fics about him and the author's Guardian before we knew him as the Kell#he was just that One Captain that got in the way that you had the choice to spare or kill#There are a lot of examples of this in Warframe's Ao3 though... love it#Someone wrote an entire story for this guy that spawns as a part of a specific tile on the infested corpus set#that is just stuck there... he just flails and tries to drag himself out#You can’t actually do anything with him except put him out of his misery in game#There are multiple fics!! about the Invasions where you work alongside people you'd usually me mass murdering#honestly kind of want to write something about that crewman that sometimes spawns#in the Vapos City where theyre dangling from a broken bridge... again you cant actually do anything but watch him fall in game#and i cant actually come up with anything#And also im already writing too many things (Arsenal Check and Stormjoys are screaming at me) but. augh#i accidently cornered One Singular crewman one time and he kept backing up until he couldnt anymore and the AI broke a bit#just stopped firing at me and i was like. Well. This Feels Slightly Bad. and just left him there#orb rambles#orb has brainrot about just. normal people in these batshit settings#Rancher is far from normal but hes much closer to it than anyone else in TFE so he goes in the Box#also someone yell at me to get on Destiny. ive been trying to argue my brain into it but its not going very well
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oh i don’t remember writing this??
#i think i vaguely remember… what the plot was#where ven kept visiting nb who’s stuck in the ruins of where he died#and nb is just going through the horrors because as much as he prepared himself for the inevitability that one of them werent going#—to make it to the end#he still didn’t /want/ to die. he had so much ahead of him and it’s just…. mourning the life you Could had#a ghost grieving for themselves….#also can pry nb feeling slightly guilty over “leaving” ven from my cold hands#twas going to happen /eventually/#neither are prepared and ven is so desperate to hear nb’s voice again#an acknowledgment that nb is actually still /there/ (like to think it took a while for ven to set nb’s ghost off… if he ever did…..)#(also an even bigger fan of nb’s ghost just hanging around lmao)#GOD I KINDA WANNA CONTINUE THIS#nb yells at ragnvindr at some point dbdbdjdk#lantern says stuff#lantern’s writing corner#think im gonna tag wips with that too idk if im ever gonna finish em
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So I’ve been following you on here and Twitter for a while and I just think someone needs to tell you you seem to keep making out that anon who didn’t understand your AU into an awful person. They said they were autistic and didn’t word things well, it’s been ages and you’re still posting about them like they personally wanted to try and make you feel bad when they stated they didn’t and even apologized for how they came off. I’m not trying to be mean here myself and I hope you don’t take it that way, but its just not right how you seem to be twisting their words due to miscommunication which was clearly something they tried to fix once they realized how it came off wrong and affected you.
i'm not taking you as being mean but you're approaching me with intent that is making me out as a villain for being hurt by their words. i'm sorry, but i am not using what they said to me to do anything but express the anxiety and hurt it's given me. it has affected me all these weeks later to the point i barely draw lilith and hunter because it has burrowed into my head. i have OCD, am also autistic, and have extremely low self esteem, it is not easy to forget what they said, even with the resolution we had. their words hurt me. they apologized and i said it was okay and we talked it out because i do know they were not trying to hurt me, i said that when it happened and i feel the same now. and i have not spoken about them like they are some evil asshole for the things they said to me. but i am allowed to talk about how it hurt?
it's also tied to my own aroace journey, too, and gives me a lot of anxiety to remember how poorly i was judged over that and my own au and with lilith in general. i had already had so much anxiety about sharing my human au details because of that. again, when i've spoken about it (i think two times? on twitter) i have not called them any names or spoken about them like they were evil or mean, but what they said to me was harsh (even if unintentional) and still affects me. furthermore, i have even defended them or said 'nah they weren't being an asshole' or similar because i know where they were coming from.
like i'm sorry if it read that way but it's not how i was coming off, but the anxiety this has caused me is heavy. they are also anonymous and i am not. me mentioning the occurrence while talking about my anxiety and aroace identity doesn't come back to them, but it is now something that happened to me that hurt.
#curious sharks#i feel like im backed into a corner here because me being hurt and affected by this seems to not matter?#it doesn't even really have anything to do with THEM specifically as a person anymore. their words were said and now are stuck with me and#i have to work through that.#also my tone is confused and apologetic just so we're clear. but i also dont want to feel bad for just talking about this incident as a#generality
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6 years ago today i joined the failboat discord server and effectively joined the community. contrary to what you may think i have no regrets
i think that's officially like. more than half the channel's existence. and about a third of my life. which is crazy to me. wish i could do more to celebrate but ig im just stuck here on tumblr for now
#failboat#genuinely this community is so important to me. probably wouldnt be the same guy i am now if not for the friends i made here#even if they dont seem to identify as much with the community as i still do. which is fine by me but im staying here lol#even if i did go down a different path i know im stuck here forever. even as an adult who may head up their own communities in the future#not even just the community though like. i probably get a lot of my sense of humor from boat's content#honestly the easiest way to make me laugh. or even cheer me up when life gets sour#my favorite way to waste time is to watch boat fuck around in video games live. literally the only streams i watch like 99% of the time#idk. i dont wanna get TOO sappy right now. i got other stuff to draw haha#just know that i've enjoyed all 6 years that i've spent in this corner of hell whether on discord or not <3
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