#like. i think the worst part is just… there is no one coming to save me. i am never ever ever going to get the comfort i needed back. it can
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Ooh genuinely the best and most stressful part of going out of town is trying to make everything line up for this to all happen SO. my checklist of things to always do before you go:
Full disclosure: if possible I tend to take early-morning or late-night trips, so I often don't sleep before flying or travelling (anxiety about being late), so I tend to do all of this the night before travelling. I can't really advise on the best way to fit this into daytime leaving-times but you are clever people.
Stinky things. The obvious ones but it's easy to forget one or two. Clean the bathrooms, empty ALL the garbage and compost and recycling, flush the toilets and scrub them. It is tempting not to scrub your toilets before you go away because you are going away and will not be using them. This is the devil talking. Scrub your toilet. Also wash the sinks themselves. I don't care if you normally do or not, do it before you go away for three weeks. Put fresh garbage bags in. I know you are not going to be using the garbage for three weeks but you-in-three-weeks is going to be pissed at you-right-now when you get home and just want to toss out your garbage and fall asleep. (yes it is a small thing. yes it is worth it.)
Bath/shower. Make sure your shower curtain is spread out! Save yourself the mildew! If you like baths, make sure your tub is clean so that if you want to come home and soak you can! Either way, have things ready to have a shower when you get back.
Laundry: sheets, towels, clothes. This one is the most pain in the ass because it involves timing your laundry for a few days before, if you're like me, but there is nothing better than coming home to fresh sheets on a newly made bed, clean towels laid out, and pyjamas all ready (or a set of clothes that you don't have to think about, if you have to go to work/school/other things as soon as you get back in).
Laundry - sheets. The night before I travel I'll change out my sheets and ideally since I'm up all night wash the dirty sheets and put them away so I don't have to worry about them upon return. If you can't do fully fresh sheets, wash them the day before, and take a few minutes to make sure your bed is made nicely. That way when you get in you can either fall asleep right away, or start unpacking and sort things on your bed without having to strip or remake it.
Laundry - towels. I do my sheets and towels all together, so the same rules apply. Leave a full towel set ready for yourself (and however many other people in the house are travelling). If you have roommates who aren't travelling, this isn't as much a problem, but still make sure you have towels set aside for yourself for when you return, in case your roommate used them all and forgot to do laundry.
Laundry - clothes. I don't like leaving laundry sitting before going away in case it stinks or starts to take up smells, so same as the sheets, I'll do all the dirty laundry before going away, so that hopefully the only dirty laundry I have is what I'm wearing when I leave the house. If I have to, I'll do laundry the day before I travel, and whatever clothes I'll be wearing for that day, I make sure I would want to take them with me, so that I toss them in my bag and clean them while travelling. Same with pyjamas.
Speaking of pyjamas! Make sure you leave a clean set ready. Put them under your pillow or lay them out on your bed. Same goes for clothing--before you leave, it's never a bad idea to lay out some outfits for when you return. If you can, have a nice outfit and a casual outfit, even if you're planning on getting home in the evening and not having to do anything. There's always a chance your flight gets delayed or rescheduled, and this way if the worst-case scenario hits and you need to get home and run out the door to work, you're set and have saved yourself a few minutes of stress; and best case scenario, you can just come home and change out of your gross travel clothes and into comfy clothes.
And about your clean clothes: fold them and put them away. Half of this is all less about having to do the work itself when you return and more about the relief of not having the visual clutter, mess, or reminder of further chores to be done. Coming home to empty laundry baskets just feels good.
Dishes. Self explanatory. Don't leave any. Wash the sink itself. Leave them to dry themselves, no worries. But DO NOT leave the dishwasher full; in my experience unless you clean your dishwasher regularly the dishes in there are just likely to get gross all over again.
Fridge. Go through it a few days before you go. Make sure you're using what can't be frozen. Don't wait until the day before to start sorting and packing things up to freeze. And more things can be frozen than you think! Look it up if you're not sure! Last time I left I was up late prepping a huge block of paneer for freezing because it took prep work, so make sure you're prepared to take a bit of time for that instead of getting blindsided.
Floors. Sweep them, mop if you get a chance. Dust is going to settle while you're gone and you are going to have to sweep when you get back anyways, but better to minimize that so you aren't super grumpy when you take your socks off. Same goes for vacuuming carpets.
The rest is mostly just tidying up clutter and making things look organized. You're doing this for no one but yourself, so don't be too harsh about it, but think about what you-in-three-weeks will want to return to. It doesn't have to be "everything in its right place" but certainly enough that you're not having to clean off counter space or sort through piles, or looking at a pile and sighing because you will have to sort through it.
If you have the ability to plan food for yourself for when you get in, do that. See if you've got something shelf-stable or in the freezer that you can have for breakfast the day after you get in so you aren't panicking about buying groceries immediately. Try to have a prepped meal in the freezer that you can microwave or something of the sort if you don't want to have to buy a meal.
This is about giving yourself some room to decompress after travelling! While it's a break from work or school or whatever, it's often also stressful, and if the travelling aspect itself isn't stressing you out, there's likely a bit of dread about returning to work, or having to cook, or just...daily life. Make it so that when you get home, you're able to relax for a little bit longer. That the chores you have to do are related to unpacking, not cleaning up your messes from three weeks ago.
Don't be afraid to ask people for help with all of this. If you live with roommates and can't wash your sheets before you go, ask if they can wash them for you. If a friend is watering your plants and collecting your mail for you, leave $50 and a grocery list and ask if they can grab some essentials for when you get back. If someone is housesitting for you, make sure they know your expectations for how clean the place should be when you return. Maybe ask if they can sweep a few days before you get back. Get them to take the leftovers out of the freezer so that they're thawed by the time you get in.
I am not very serious about planning for travelling. What I am serious about is planning for returning. That last point is probably the most crucial: if you have friends or family or loved ones who will be able to help when you get back, ask if they can. And do the same for them! When someone is going away for a long time, ask if there's anything you can do to help. If they've got a ride to or from the airport, if you could bring them a meal when they get back. It's nice for if they're returning from a vacation, it's better if they're returning from travelling for more serious reasons, and it means you get to see them to say hello, if only for a few exhausted minutes.
Trust OP when they say that returning to a clean house is better than sex. (And perhaps if you aren't too tired after travelling you can in fact have great sex in your clean house!)
edit lmao i just actually went through the rest of the notes on this post to find someone else saying "DO NOT STAY AWAKE ALL NIGHT THE NIGHT BEFORE TRAVELLING TO GET THIS ALL DONE IN A PANIC, MAKE A CLEANING PLAN OR SCHEDULE FOR THE DAY BEFORE TRAVELLING" and you should probably listen to them, unless you're like me and going to be awake anyways, in which case just make sure you don't start at midnight and need to be ready to leave at 5am.
adding something to my "adult advice that i had to discover for myself either because no one told me or when i saw adults do it as a kid i couldn't possibly understand," featuring such hits as "grill sandwiches with mayo" and "almost no quality matters more than flexibility," and it is:
clean your house before a vacation because returning to an already clean house is waaay better than sex
#if i know you and you're travelling feel free to ask me for any of these things!#i will do your laundry for you!!!
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Spring Fling - Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Reader (Part Five) (18+) / Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four
Summary: You should have known the ‘no refunds’ detail on the website for Spring Fling was a red flag. But you paid no mind to it, eager to be assigned a quick fuck for spring break. When the man that walks through your cabin door is none other than Jake 'Hangman' Seresin, your wildly infuriating fellow pilot, you have two choices: bicker the entire time and have a miserable spring break, or fuck.
Contents/Warnings: smut, minors dni. fem!reader, pilot!reader, enemies/rivals to lovers, lots and lots of arguing, could these two people be any less cooperative, sex seven ways to sunday and then some, seriously like so much smut it'll make your eyes bleed, makeouts, rough sex, oral (m+f receiving), penetrative sex, will add as i post
WC: 7.0k / navigation / inbox
A/N: Thank you all for waiting for this chapter! I know it took me longer to finish this one than it did the others but it's the longest chapter so far, and I also had a lot of major life events go down in the time between this chapter and last. I appreciate each and every single one of you who stayed patient with me, and I hope that this chapter and that the rest to come are worth the wait :) <3
feedback is greatly appreciated! comment, reblog, talk in the tags, send me a message, tell me what you think!
You’re doing a terrible job at paying attention to where you’re going as you take the elevator, jamming your finger against the 12 button so hard it hurts. Pizza is on the twelfth floor, and you’re hoping Daniel will be there early like you so that you can forget about Jake and his tyrannical rule.
It’s clear as day to you; Jake thinks he has control over you just the same way he has control over the girls that drool over him at the Hard Deck. He thinks one glance will melt your brain into mush, but it won’t. It doesn’t, and you’re not letting the cockiest man you know believe he’s won you over. Especially one that you work with. If anyone found out- if any of your fellow aviators knew that you’d succumbed to Jake’s charms… you’d risk losing the respect you’ve fought hard to earn on the tarmac. You’re not letting your career take a nosedive because Jake won’t stop bragging about getting his dick wet. He doesn’t get a say in your life if he has nothing genuine to contribute to it. You know him well enough to know that caving in and fucking would be the worst decision of your life, and you refuse to let him feel like he’s won you like a prize. You’re standing up for yourself; if he can shit-talk Daniel, you can shit-talk Miss Melons.
Your skin prickles with annoyance the more you think about the woman that had approached you both- seriously, did she not consider that she was being intrusive and rude? You assume Jake has snagged her away from her roommate by now, and they’re probably having a better time than you are.
Everything feels unfair, down to the coincidental roommate placement. It’s like the universe had heard you needed a break, and wanted to punish you for it.
Cracking open your book helps, but it takes you a while to get into the groove. You’re sitting poolside across from the pizza place, eyes glancing from page to parlor every once in a while to check for a certain bearded man. The main lead is compelling, and your stomach soars as you imagine Daniel in a cowboy hat. You’d save that horse.
Peace is hard to find while sitting poolside on a cruise, but chaos is actually the perfect white noise for you to read, and your concentration isn’t broken until a shadow falls over your lounge chair. You glance up, but it’s not the man you’d wanted to see.
“Hey.” Jake’s already frowning, his face apprehensive like he thinks you’ll scream at him to get away. You want to, but you don’t want to cause a scene.
“What, Hangman?”
“I’m not trying to control you.” He pushes despite seeing your gaze back on your book, “I just don’t think you’re meant to be with Daniel. But I shouldn’t have given you a hassle for doing the same thing to me. I just… I do it because-”
He stops short, glancing sideways at a man running despite the clear no running sign on the lifeguard tower. You decide to help him in his moment of need.
“Because you’re used to women who let you walk all over them. Even if you’re not trying to control me, you’re used to having that control. It’s familiar for you, so you expect it, even if you don’t know you’re doing it. But I’m not like that. You can’t keep me waiting on you.”
The scoff he lets out is accompanied by an expression that looks truly pained, “That ain’t it at all. But forget it. Don’t worry about why I do it. I just thought maybe you were doin’ it to me for the same reasons. But never mind. I’ll shut up about Daniel. Truce?”
You glare up at him, book still open in your lap. He extends an uncharacteristically helping hand, and you wait a truly uncomfortable amount of time before taking it and shaking once.
“Truce.”
He takes the chair beside you, stretched out in the sun. Unfortunately, it seems like your reading time is over as his head turns to you, “So, Dudley showed up yet?”
“He’s coming for lunch.” You cling to your novel, trying desperately to ignore Jake and his instantly broken promise, “What about Melon girl, they weren’t ripe enough for you?”
“She wasn’t my type.” He starts, and there’s a heavy silence before he continues, “I don’t like a woman who thinks it’s fun to get between a couple.”
The sideways glance you send Hangman, the ‘I-told-you-so’ smirk, is lethal.
“Anyways.” He continues, tone more casual now, “Fancy a swim, darlin’?”
“I’ll read instead,” You offer, “But you have fun, Hangman.”
“Party Pooper,” He accuses, standing from the lounge chair he’s occupying and stretching briefly, “You’re an absolute mood-killer. No fun, the most boring person on this boat.”
“I’m about to be more of one: have you put sunscreen on?”
“Nope,” He grins, “You volunteering to do the honors, you sleazy thing?”
“Absolutely not. But you can use the stuff in my bag.” You nod at your tote bag, “Don’t use it all, though.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Jake nods, folding into a seat on the edge of the lounge chair beside yours, “So, what’s going on in that book, they boning yet?”
“Mhm.” You nod absently as Jake begins smearing sunscreen over his arms and legs, “Real sexy stuff.”
“I’ve got somethin’ sexier for you.”
“It’s a porn book, Hangman,” You clarify, in case he’s forgotten, “I’m trying to read porn. Leave me alone.”
“There’s porn right here!” He calls, arms out to show off his impressively tanned and toned chest, a thick layer of sunscreen giving it a sheen that glistens in the light. As reluctant as you are to admire anything about Jake, you can’t lie; he has a body worth ogling. But you will not ogle it.
“This porn’s better,” You hum, glancing up at Jake through your lashes, deceptively inviting, “This guy’s got a cowboy hat on.”
“I’ve got a million and one cowboy hats,” Jake insists, slowly inching towards you and away from the edge of the pool, “Is that really all it takes, darlin’? ‘Cause I can slap one on in seconds, if that’s what you’re after. ‘Even brought one with me in case my roommate was into it.”
“Mm, maybe,” You let him get closer, excitement clearly swirling in his eyes as he advances towards your chair. He doesn’t notice the shifting of your feet until it’s too late and one is shoving firmly against his chest, knocking him off balance and sending him tumbling backwards into the pool.
There’s not anyone in his immediate vicinity besides you, so you take the brunt of the splash, but it’s worth it.
“But I like it better when the hat’s on a real gentleman!” You call, laughter interrupting your words as Jake emerges from the pool well and truly soaked, shaking water out of his hair. He’s been thoroughly underwater trained, so he’d been able to catch his breath in time despite the surprise of it all, and there’s no real harm done besides the initial splash.
“You dirty rotten minx,” He calls, water dripping from his short hair into his eyes, “You lured me in with the promise of cowboy hat sex just to push me in the pool?”
“I can’t believe you fell for it!” You’re still laughing, but maybe this bout of giggles is only to annoy him, “That’s, like, the oldest trick in the book. Well, maybe besides the cowboy hat sex thing. But you shouldn’t have gotten so close!”
He braces his elbows on the wall of the pool, the border surely burning his skin. But he stares at you regardless, “I thought you were finally givin’ in.”
“It’d take a lot more than a cowboy hat to make me give in, Jake.” You laugh, turning back to your book, “Like, a full personality transplant.”
Jake hears Danica’s words repeated back to him in his head, ‘Show, don’t tell’.
“Noted. I’ll look into one’uh those,” He quips, smile sarcastic and empty as he resorts to swimming alone, “Hey, when you’re done with that chapter, you should join me.”
“No.”
“Alright.”
You glance away from the book’s pages at Hangman’s unusual, immediate acceptance of your refusal. But he lifts himself out of the water- no stairs, no ladder, only his forearms against the deck, and your stomach sinks as you realize he might be playing a game of wills with you.
Instead, he sits beside you again, this time facing away from you, “Will you rub some sunscreen on my back?”
You want to say no. You would, if he were only asking to feel your hands on him. And maybe that’s part of it, but you also know that as much as he tans, he could burn, and his back is the only part of himself that he can’t reach. You’d want someone to do you the solid too, so you sigh and set your book aside.
“Fine. But you owe me.”
“Mhm.” He nods, passing you the sunscreen, “I’ll rub it wherever you want, Y/N.”
You whack him upside the head with the bottle, and when he hisses in pain and pitches forwards, you squirt some of the lotion onto your palm and begin applying it to the broad, tanned, muscled expanse of his back.
You’re no masseuse, but apparently you’re rubbing all the right places, because Jake lets out grunts and groans that are borderline pornographic. If they were coming from anyone else, you might have squirmed in your seat, but each one sends your eyes rolling skywards as you cover Jake’s skin in goopy sun lotion.
“Damn, you’re good.” Jake grunts as you dig into a knot beneath his shoulder blade, “Do that again?”
“I’m putting sunscreen on you, Jake, not working out muscle tension.”
“Oh, come on, just a little more?” He pleads, turning so that he can glance at you from the side of his gaze, eyes shining in prayer.
You dig extra hard into his muscle, and you take some sort of wicked pleasure in the way that his resulting groan is more of a pained yelp than something of enjoyment.
“There, Hangman.” You whack the middle of his back, between his shoulder blades, “You’re all oiled up.”
“Aren’t you glad you were the one to get to do it?” Jake grins blindingly, and you bury your nose in your book again to avoid answering his question.
“Oh, you can stick your face in that book all you want,” Jake drawls, and you hear the displacement of the water he steps in as he lowers himself into the pool, gracefully and by choice this time, “But I know you liked having your hands all over me, darlin’.”
You want to gripe something back- something witty and cutting that will tear him down where he stands, but he’s turned away from you, already submerging himself to begin swimming laps. You admire his dedication to exercise even while on vacation- you have no plans to visit the gym in the lower decks.
Jake sees the diving board just as you do, and you keep him in your peripheral vision as he climbs out of the pool to make his way up the ladder. Your novel is begging to be read, but your eyes stick firm on one fitting word- ‘abdomen’ so that you can watch Jake from the corner of your eye as he prepares to dive.
Fortunately, you don’t need to continue the ruse of reading because Jake bellows from across the deck, “Y/N, look!”
You’re met with a grin when you look up at him, his arms raised above his head and joined flush together in diving position, “I’m gonna dive- watch me.”
“I’m watching.” You call, injecting your voice with as much disinterest as you can manage without feeling guilty, “This feels like babysitting, Hangman.”
He dives instead of quipping back, and it’s an impressive one, not that you’ll sing his praises for it. He comes up on the side of the pool closest to you, arms flinging an arc of water onto the concrete before you.
“Was it good?” He asks, panting slightly, hanging onto the wall.
“Yes,” You reply, a sickly sweet smile on your face as you condescend to him, “You did so good, honey.”
“Shut up,” He sends a wave of water splashing over your sandals, and you can’t be mad at him after all the teasing you’ve been inflicting upon him.
“I’ve been workin’ on my diving,” He goes back to swimming around, this time more casual as he keeps his head above the water to speak with you, “My nieces back home are learnin’ to swim so I’ve been in the pool a lot lately. Anytime they drag me in there I dive in and splash them.”
His arms cut through the water with strength and ease, confident strokes as you mull over his words. The image of Jake urging a toddler in floaties to cross a 3-foot gap into his arms is- endearing, not that you’ll admit it. You hum in acknowledgement, and tuck back into your book.
There’s not many people in the pool this early- most are probably still in bed with a hangover and a mess to clean up - and it’s large to boot, so there’s plenty of room. Your eyes drift left and catch sight of a jacuzzi, and suddenly your beach chair seems to pale in comparison.
Okay, you won’t join Jake in the pool, but you’ll relax for a couple of minutes in the jacuzzi. Just until Daniel gets here.
Jake doesn’t notice that you’ve stood until your chair is empty, and you have a perfect view of him floundering, scanning the entire deck until he spots you half-submerged in the hot tub.
You get to laugh at him again, and he grants you a good-natured grin instead of getting annoyed.
“I thought you’d finally found what’s-his-name,” Jake swims over to the separation wall that keeps the hot water parted from the cold, “Mind if I join you, Y/N?”
“Only if you’re- careful!” You shriek, trying desperately to protect the pages of your book from his sopping wet skin as he scales the barrier, “Hangman, if this book gets wet, you’re replacing it for me.”
“Alright, alright! I’ll take you on a shopping spree, relax. Hey, if I’m buyin’ you porn books, doesn’t that make me somethin’ like a sugar daddy?”
“You’re not getting any sugar,” You shrug, “But sure.”
“Just call me daddy, Y/N.” He grins, “That’s all the sugar I need.”
You hide behind your book so that he can’t see the way your face wrinkles into a grimace. The heat from the jacuzzi spreads inexplicably quick all of a sudden, warming your neck, your ears, your face, and Jake lets out a thick, heavy groan as he settles into the warm water.
“This is nice.” He muses, eyes closed, “Real relaxing.”
“It’s less relaxing when someone’s talking the whole time,” You peek across the side of your book, “Shut up, maybe?”
Jake snorts, leaning his head back against the edge of the pool, “Alright, alright your majesty. I’ll stay silent.”
You don’t verbally thank him, but you don’t make a scene when his leg drifts across the jet currents of the jacuzzi to brush against yours.
You cover a good chunk of your novel before a voice calls your name, and this time it’s the two people you’d been hoping to see all morning. Danica waves giddily at you and Jake, who’s picked his head up from where you thought he’d fallen asleep and is already mad-dogging Daniel. You wave back to Danica, and cast a quick glance down at your bathing suit before standing to greet Daniel. It’s just as tight and showy as you prefer it to be.
You pay no attention to Jake where he gets out behind you, too focused on Daniel to care. But perhaps you should have, because you’re two steps from meeting Daniel in the middle when Jake’s strong arm shoves you sideways, and your book is wrenched from your grasp as you fall sideways into the pool.
It’s cold, colder even because you’d been soaking in the hot tub. You’re surprised, but you suppose you can’t even really be mad at him considering it’s just payback for what he’d done to you.
You’ve barely righted yourself in the water before there’s another splash beside you, and when you finally emerge there’s hands reaching for your waist, Daniel’s as you realize he’d jumped in to help you.
“You-!” You splutter at Jake with bleary, chlorine-soaked eyes, attention split between Daniel who’s trying to ensure you’re alright, and Jake who’s snickering while holding your book in his thankfully dry hand.
“You asshole.” Daniel finishes for you, “She could have drowned!”
“I know how to swim,” You brace a hand on Daniel’s chest- startlingly bare, but riddled with coarse, brown hair, “It’s fine, I- I pushed him in earlier.”
“Relax, Prince Charming. It’s just a bit of payback. And look,” Jake waves your novel in front of you, “Dry as a bone.”
“Well I am- uh, not.” You stand half-submerged in the pool, Daniel still holding onto your waist, “So, I guess I will go swimming.”
“Great. You can swim with us.” Daniel smiles, warm and inviting as he keeps his hands on you.
“Yeah, us.” Jake agrees, taking Danica’s towel and spreading it over a sunny lounge chair for her.
Jake helps lower Danica gently into the pool, holding her hand while she takes the stairs, before jumping in beside you so that you’re splashed by the wave he creates.
“You are an asshole,” You laugh, breaking away from Daniel’s grip to shove at Jake’s shoulder. The grins on your faces are bright and genuine, perhaps the first time you’ve both been able to laugh with each other the entire trip. It feels nice, and you don’t fight when he shoves back at you with strong arms.
“Hey- hey!” Danica shouts, standing behind Daniel with a hand on his shoulder, “Why don’t you turn that pushing and shoving into a game of chicken?”
“I’m down,” Daniel seems thrilled to be opposite Jake as he lowers himself for Danica to climb atop his shoulders, “Y/N, you okay on his shoulders?”
Jake does the honors himself, dunking himself under the water and coming up between your legs. You barely have time to plant your hands on the top of his head, fingers twisting instinctively into his hair as you accidentally tug it while he stands at his full height again.
“Shit, sorry Hangman.” You let go of his hair, hoping you hadn’t yanked too hard. He’s forgiven, for now, so you won’t resort to childish things like hair-pulling.
“That’s okay, darlin’.” He grins, craning his neck back to meet your eye, “I like it when you tug on my hair.”
You have to overlook Jake’s suggestive comment as Danica’s already reaching for you, and you eagerly engage in a shoving match while the two men beneath you plant themselves into the bottom of the pool. You manage to get a leg up on Danica, and they’re both pushed backwards by the force of your shove, but Daniel surges forwards and ends up knocking you and his roommate right into each other.
You collapse against Danica, forehead-to-forehead, giggling like little girls. Her eyes are bright and shining with amusement, and her breath smells minty- like gum, not toothpaste. You’re more than happy to begin pushing at each other again, and though you’re confident your navy-built muscles are going to prevail, she lands a critical shove against your shoulder that throws you off-balance and sends you toppling off of Jake’s shoulders.
The water is cold, colder than you remember as you splash into it, and when you come up for air, already laughing, Jake’s facing you, having turned when you’d fallen from his shoulders. He’s grinning too, a hand already outstretched to help you up, but upon seeing you stand his eyes widen and his face drops.
“Shit.” He lunges for you, cutting through the water as his arm wraps around your back to yank you tight against his chest. You protest, grunting with exertion as you try fighting against his grip. But his muscles are impressive, and you’re trapped against his chest despite your best efforts.
“Would you cut it out? I’m trying to help you. Your top came untied.”
“What?” You splutter, water trailing down your face as you quell your instinctive struggle against his crushing hold. You realize that the reason for the extreme cold had, in fact, been because your bikini top had abandoned ship, and you barely have time to process the feeling of your bare tits slammed up against Jake’s hard, toned chest before he’s fishing the bathing suit out of the water and feeding it around your waist.
“Up,” He instructs, lifting his eyes to the expansive blue sky above you so that you can separate yourself from his chest for long enough to cover your own again. It’s- a strange gesture of courtesy that you would have expected from Daniel, sure, but not Jake. Perhaps that’s why you’re so sluggish, why it takes you longer than expected to fit your top back over your tits and grapple with the strings.
“You decent?” Jake asks, and when you grunt in confirmation he drops his eyes again. He notices you struggling with the ties and reaches for them himself, gently swatting your fingers away as he uses his advantage of sight. It presses his muscular shoulder up against your face, and you turn so that your cheek rests against it instead of your nose. Suddenly you’re held against his chest like a slow dance, and something terribly and inexplicably squirmy happens in your stomach.
“Done. I double knotted it.” He hums, and it’s such a sincere tone, one that’s completely vacant of all his usual dickishness, that you lose yourself staring at his face when he pulls away. You begin examining it for any sign that perhaps he was murdered and replaced with a poorly-trained doppelganger.
His hair looks right, albeit sopping wet. His eyebrows are growing slightly bushier than usual, but nothing you’d consider a complete and total imposter. His nose is still the same: strong, slightly downturned (though not as far as Rooster’s), and there’s a tiny patch of sunscreen that hasn’t been rubbed in near his right eye. His mouth is set in a determined purse as he double knots the strings of your bikini top together, and his eyes- his eyes are different.
Miles different than you’ve ever seen them. The outside edge of his hazel-green rings is softened, like someone has blurred their usual sharp border and lined it with suede. His pupils are huge, and they’d be eclipsing his irises if those weren’t so big and puppy-like. He is, in every sense of the word, gentle, inside and out.
Jake has never been gentle before.
“You alright?” He asks, and you snap back to reality with his large hands spread over the expanse of your bare back, the eyes that you’d been examining firmly and concernedly fixed upon you. Only a few meager strings separate his skin from yours, and you nod once, steadily as you gently push his arms off of you.
“Let’s go again,” You call to Danica and Daniel, your voice a piss-poor attempt at strength and nonchalance as it lacks its usual life, “Good hit, Danica. But watch out, I’m gonna kick your ass.”
“Bring it,” She grins gleefully, and her giddy gaze drifts downwards to Jake’s face when he lifts you onto his shoulders yet again. From the looks of it they share some sort of silent conversation- some inside joke that you’re not privy to.
Something about that, something about her excluding you from a conversation with your own teammate makes you shove her, not enough to knock her off of Daniel’s shoulders, but enough to show her that you’re not going easy on her. She shrieks giddily as she writhes to stay balanced on Daniel’s shoulders, a smidge less broad than Jake’s. You’re thankful for that, for the steady mount you’ve got, as you resume pushing and shoving at Danica.
Jake is going insane. Not only does the phantom sensation of your bare tits- nipples hard from the chilly pool water - stick to him like a wet t-shirt, he can feel you against the back of his neck, your warm sex nestled snugly against him with only the bottom half of your bikini to separate you. Your thighs bracket his head, close enough for him to reach out and bite at, but he has to focus on keeping his stance sturdy so that you can play properly. Daniel’s glaring viciously at him across the few feet that separates the four of you, and he’s not going to let Mr. Mailman win.
This time, Jake suspects you’ve used that military muscle of yours, because Danica slips backwards off of Daniel’s dewy shoulders and splashes into the pool. Your hand cups beneath Jake’s chin, tilting his head upwards and leaning it back into your lap.
“Nice one,” He grins upside-down at you, and you bump your fist against his when he offers it. Then you’re craning your neck down, surely uncomfortable as you leave mere inches between your lips and his, and his ears are ringing.
“Back up,” You murmur, disguising it as a congratulatory speech while Daniel helps Danica back onto his shoulders, “Get them to chase us and we’ll use the momentum against them.”
“Darlin’,” Jake proclaims, pride puffing up his chest that your legs are resting against, “You’re my kinda woman. Always looking to win.”
“Just do it, Hangman,” You scoff, but your eye-roll is less than irritated, fond if anything due to your partnership as Jake drops his head to face Daniel and Danica once more.
Jake stands in place where he’d been before, but when Danica engages with you he begins backing up. Slowly, carefully, ensuring that his feet are planted steadily each step so that you’re not tipped over, he makes his way towards the drop off towards the deeper end of the water. Daniel follows, taking the bait, and soon enough his predicament becomes obvious: he’s not as tall as Jake.
He stands somewhere close to six feet, surely, but not past it like Jake does. Your partner’s head is still comfortably above water, smirk in full force as Daniel’s beard becomes waterlogged.
“That’s not fair!” Danica laughs, petting sympathetically at Daniel’s sopping wet hair, “Poor guy, we’ll get you stilts for the next round.”
Daniel lands a teasing pinch against the curve of her ass and she shrieks. You lunge for her, using her momentary shock to catch her off guard as you send her tumbling backwards into the water behind Daniel.
You don’t have time to celebrate before Jake is ducking down and slipping himself out from beneath you, his strong arms bracing your fall so that you barely sink a few feet into the water. He crushes you in a celebratory hug, his laughter harmonizing with your own. He turns you both to face Daniel and Danica as they splutter to catch their breath, his cheek pressed flush against your own.
“Chicken Champions,” He declares, holding you tight to his side at his own height, which means your feet float above his own in the water, “I’d offer to go again, but that’d just be cruel. You ladies wanna chatter in the hot tub while Danny-Boy and I show off on the diving board?”
“I brought a book,” Danica hums, face dripping with water you feel only mildly guilty for submerging her in, “If you wanna read, Y/N, I’ll do it with you.”
“Perfect.” Daniel nods, already cutting through the water on his way to the diving board, “I’ll be careful not to splash you guys.”
“I won’t.” Jake supplies helpfully, his grin turned shit-eating as he eyes you up, “No point in reading one of them smutty porn books if you’re not soaking wet.”
“Splash me and I’ll throw your room key off the side of the boat, Hangman,” You promise, “You’ll be begging strangers to take pity on you in the elevator.”
“Nah, that’s not my style,” Jake’s voice is dripping with intent while Daniel takes position on the diving board, his swim trunks dripping steady trails of water. You don’t know why until he continues, taking his own bait, “I’ll leave that to Daniel.”
You blame Jake’s comment for why Daniel’s dive nearly turns into a belly flop. It’s instantaneous, really, Daniel’s changing of posture as he register’s Jake’s biting words, and you have half a mind to admonish Jake for riling Daniel up during a dive- that could have ended badly. As it stands, Daniel does a sort of cannonball, though not intentionally, and you and Danica cringe in unison when he lands, sending water splashing well over the divider into the hot tub. Your book remains mostly unscathed- only a droplet of water lands on the cover and obscures the male lead’s face, blurring out his beard and making him appear clean-shaven.
Jake is already scaling the ladder, and when he gets to the top he surveys Daniel emerging from the water.
“Six,” He shrugs, sneering down at Daniel from the highest point on the deck, “‘Could’ve clinched a seven if you hadn’t splashed the ladies, but your form was still shit.”
He doesn’t give Daniel a chance to fire back- or maybe the man is just too smart to take Jake’s bait - before he sets his arms together above his head, and seamlessly, impeccably cuts through the water. For someone so muscular and bulky, his form is graceful- not that you’ll ever tell him that. Water arcs outwards from where he’d landed, one half of the splash practically targeting Daniel where he stands watching.
He swims farther, nearly reaching the other end of the pool before he emerges, shaking water from his hair like a dog as he looks intently at you and Danica in the hot tub for a rating.
“Ten!” Your reading companion shouts, blessedly unaware of the tense atmosphere- or again, too intelligent to fall for Jake’s lowly antics- and you look at the water-stained cover of your novel.
You smear away the water droplet with your dry thumb, and the male main character’s beard returns.
“Four.” You call, voice deadpan as you lock your eyes on your novel, “For playing dirty and sabotaging the other contestants.”
Hangman’s grin is open-mouthed and cemented into place as he stands taller than Daniel in the water, tanned skin standing starkly out from the blue of the chlorinated water, “Dirty’s the best way to play, darlin’.”
Danica shoots you a look from behind the spread of her novel that you’ve sent many-a-girlfriend before. It’s the wide-eyed, restrained smile that screams ‘We’re talking about this later’, and you mirror her expression with your own disdain.
“Leave us alone,” You call, grinning apologetically at Daniel so that he knows he’s only a bystander, “We want to read.”
“Let’s leave the ladies to their smut, Dorian.” Jake calls, louder than he needs to be as he stretches to display his toned abdomen and muscled arms, “We can find our own fun. Wanna see who can swim the fastest? Place your bets, ladies: pilot or mailman?”
“You swam pretty slow when you crash-landed in the Pacific that one time,” You muse, fighting to keep a smirk off of your face, “I remember thinking you would die in the time it took for you to swim back to shore.”
“Wouldn’t’ve gone so slow if I wasn’t hauling my RIO back to shore. He hit his head on the way down,” Jake dips his head towards Danica, happily regaling her with the tale, and you realize you’ve only fluffed his ego more, “So he was unconscious. Well I couldn’t just leave him there, ‘poor guy was only a trainee. So I took him along. It did slow me down, but,” He heaves a disgusting, gaudy, fake sigh, “It was worth it to send him back home to his mama.”
You taste a hint of blood where you’ve apparently chewed through your lip. You let it go and hope nothing escapes your mouth. It would be a shame to stain the pages of your novel red.
You’re trying very hard not to pay attention to Jake and Danica where he’s engaged her in a staring contest. Well, you suppose it’s not much of a contest that she can win: the point is that you’re losing. Jake’s showing off his impressive build, still running his mouth with every vaguely self-complementary anecdote he can embellish, and Danica is taking the bait, which means that your rampant attempts to cool Jake’s ego have failed.
You let the warm, borderline-hot water sink into your skin and simmer alongside the building irritation that threatens to blow beneath the surface. You’re tired. This was supposed to be a relaxing vacation for you- or, if not relaxing, a good way to blow off steam. You were supposed to be bent in half up against the shower wall by now, not bending the pages of your book with the strong grip you’ve cemented onto them while you mediate Jake’s ego and the willingness of so many women to accommodate it.
Part of you wants to let loose and have fun- not with Jake, of course. Never with Jake. But part of you wants to act rationally, forget the constant rivalry between you two and let him shack up with whoever will show him her tits first. But the other part of you, the one that cheers every time he places second in a show of skill, wants to knock him down a peg. It’s why you’re so persistently humbling him- or, trying to, at least. Something about him putting on this cocky persona- erasing all human emotion to make way for pure sleaze puts you on edge, and you pity the fool who believes it.
You can’t tell if Danica’s that fool yet, because she’s turned back to her book with a smile, but to her credit she doesn’t ogle him while he’s swimming. It would be easy to- he’s all tanned muscle and gestures that show off just the right curve or vein. He knows how to preen, but Danica seems to be minding her own business. That makes it easier for you to read your own novel; you don’t feel like you have to keep an eye out for her anymore.
You’re not sure whether it’s a love for the act or a wordless competition to outswim the other that keeps Jake and Daniel occupied with lapping the pool for so long, but as more and more people filter out of their rooms and onto the deck, there’s not much room for recreation anymore.
“Are you done?” You ask Danica, peering over at her after someone unknowingly sends a wave of water straight for you both, narrowly avoiding soaking your novels.
“I think I’m done.” She nods sheepishly, rushing to stand and keep her book dry, “Should we run away before the men notice we’re leaving?”
“Excellent plan,” You laugh, but you can practically feel Jake’s eagle eye upon you as you race for your towel, leaving soaked footprints behind on the wooden deck, “We should go get some pizza. They’re making more now that it’s a little busier out here.”
“You shouldn’t stare like that.” Daniel’s irritatingly smooth voice, pitched up slightly from Jake’s and entirely free of Jake’s rugged charm, makes Jake’s lips yearn to curl into a sneer.
Jake pivots in the cold pool water to face Daniel rather unimpressed, a scoff begging to burst from his lips, “Like what?”
“Like she’s a piece of meat, or something.” Daniel’s arms are crossed, and Jake plants his feet firmly against the concrete floor of the pool.
“Oh, you’re so virtuous,” Jake drawls, his skin burning and not from the rays of sun hitting it directly, “You frenched her in an elevator, Daniel, you’ve got no room to be talking to me about class.”
“She wanted me to kiss her. She kissed me.” Daniel insists, and Jake laughs- actually laughs, a grit of his teeth and a forceful exhalation of air, “That’s different than staring at her ass while she runs away from you like you’d flip her skirt up at a drive-in movie theater.”
“Flipping skirts,” Jake laughs, sadistic grin in full force, “Daniel, I’m not that old fashioned! Please, she’s in a bathing suit that she chose, for a sex cruise that she booked, and you know what? She probably wants you to be staring at her ass in it. And you don’t seem too concerned with the other people on the deck, I’m sure a few of them are looking too. And are you worried I’m looking at Danica’s ass?”
“You’re not looking at Danica’s ass.” Daniel nearly bites his tongue in an effort to keep his voice level, “Because you’re not interested in Danica. You’re interested in Y/N and you can’t have her. She’s not yours.”
“She’s not yours, either.” Jake spits, and there’s a moment of silence where both men’s chests heave with barely-suppressed tension. Jake realizes that he’s admitted to Daniel that he has no real claim over you, but the other man doesn’t fight back against not having one of his own. But you are his, you are Jake’s, in the way you’d fallen asleep in his arms last night, in the look in your eyes when you’d stared into his own earlier, in the stain on his pajama pants.
You’d moaned his name- his name, not Daniel’s.
Someone knocks into Daniel from behind, backing right into him and nudging him slightly off balance.
“Oh!” The woman shrieks, “I’m sorry! I wasn’t paying attention.”
“It’s fine.” He offers her a tight smile, heading for the ladder, “Don’t worry about it.”
Jake hauls himself up out of the pool with nothing but his forearms, using his towel to dry his hair if only to show off the expanse of his chest to any who may be watching. He checks- you’re not.
“So,” Danica leans forwards into your space at the pizza counter, eyes meaningfully wide, “Tell me why he’s acting like this.”
“He always acts like this.” You scoff, and when she levels you with an unimpressed glare, you insist, “No, really! He’s just- everything is a competition to him, everything. I met his mom once, and she told me that he used to have races at the dinner table to see who could finish their food first. He kept making himself sick but as long as he’d beat his brothers he didn’t care. He always has to win, and right now, he’s competing for us.”
“No, he’s competing for you.” Danica corrects you, “Is he winning?”
“Hell no. He’s- he’s not really competing for me, not meaningfully. He just wants to say he ‘got me’, you know? That would be major bragging rights on the tarmac. But that’s exactly why I can’t give in- I can’t be known as the woman who slept with her fellow pilot! Then they wouldn’t see my achievements anymore, just my mistakes.”
“I get that.” She nods, “But how do you know he’s just gonna dump you?”
“I’ve watched him dump the whole of San Diego,” You scoff, “That’s what he does. He doesn’t do love, he’s the kind of guy who’s only ever interested in something quick and dirty.”
“Everyone does love.” Danica frowns, “Some people just start later in life than others. And I think he’s starting now. With you.”
“Love,” You laugh, and sure, it’s dramatic, but if it gets through to her, you don’t care, “A man who loves me would not have tormented me for my entire career.”
She tilts her head thoughtfully, “I think he does. Even if he doesn't act the way you think he should, even if he doesn't act the way you would, I think he does love you. I think he just loves differently. I think he's new to it. What has he done to torment you?”
You huff, grateful for the opportunity to vent, “He constantly tries one-upping me- again, he can’t lose. He just- he pokes and prods and teases me like we’re on the playground or something, and it’s non-stop. It’s not like he’s sweet most of the time and then there’s a few bouts of light teasing, it’s- it’s constant, and I can’t ever let my guard down, or I’ll lose.”
“So you’re fighting to win, too.” Her eyes narrow slightly, “Why?”
“Because. I can't be second-best, and I can’t be known as the woman who slept with her coworker. I’m not doing that.” You repeat.
“Oh," She laughs, "So you're both stubborn. You don't want to lose, either. But second-best is temporary, rankings come and go. And I understand your thing about not wanting to be known for sleeping with him, but even if you did sleep with him, the whole Navy doesn’t have to know.”
“They will, Hangman will brag. He always brags.”
“He won’t- not if he’s in love with you, not if you want him to keep it private.”
“He’s not in love with me-!”
“Four slices of Pepperoni, two cheese?” A large tray is placed between you and Danica at the counter you’re both leaning against, and it snaps the two of you out of your debate.
You turn to see one of the employees looking expectantly at you, and Danica stammers, “Uh, three cheese.”
“Sorry.” He smiles placatingly at her, scooping another slice onto the plate, “Three cheese.”
“Thank you.” You take the pepperoni pizza, leaving Danica to collect the cheese. You feel bad for walking away, even if you know she’s hot on your trail, but you feel frustratingly suffocated, like everyone is urging you to make the biggest mistake of your life and never considering why you simply can’t. She doesn’t know Jake, she hasn’t spent the last decade with him as he’s blown his way through tourist after tourist, bragging all the while. And he doesn’t understand what it would be like- even if he wasn’t looking to win, even if he did just want to try casual sex for fun, you’d never be able to escape that reputation.
You feel like you’re going crazy, and you plop down between Jake and Daniel where they sit at opposite sides of a table, ready to stuff your face with pizza instead of dealing with any of it.
feedback is greatly appreciated! comment, reblog, talk in the tags, send me a message, tell me what you think!
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The Boy Next Door: Chapter Four
MASTERLIST ✨ harmshake's masterlist ✨ msbigredmachine's masterlist
Word Count: 8.1k
Warnings: 18+, NSFW, language, angst, violence, smut
Poster made by me. Credit to the owners of the other pics and gifs.
The first thing Ivy felt as she stirred awake was a dull, satisfying ache between her thighs. Next was the naked, muscular body enveloping her from behind, full lips brushing her shoulder. Twisting her head, she found his handsome face peering down at her, his crinkled eyes soft and his voice softer against her skin.
"Morning, baby girl," Roman murmured, muscular arms tightening around her, “How ya feeling? You sleep good?”
Gingerly, she shifted around to face him, noting how he instinctively moved his body closer to hers, her loins clenching at the feel of his flaccid yet impressive length pressed against her stomach. “I did…after you let me,” she replied, relieved to find that the feeling in her legs had returned and her voice was still intact. “Don’t tell me you’ve been watching me sleep,” she giggled.
“I plead the fifth. You’re too beautiful not to watch, sweetheart,” he chuckled, sliding his hand down her bare back to grip her ass as his face nuzzled the crook of her neck. His touch sparked memories of their wild night; the havoc his hands and mouth and his stunning weapon of a dick wrecked on her body, his voice deep and rough and authoritative as it coaxed her through literal waves of unforgettable pleasure that had him changing his Egyptian cotton bedding afterwards:
“Your pussy feels so good wrapped around my dick…ffuuck, Ivy…”
“I love the way you moan for me, baby girl, you sound so fuckin’ sexy…”
“Haha, look at you shakin’ and leakin’, fucking up my sheets…It feels good when I'm deep like this, right, baby?”
“Relax your throat so you can take more of my dick…yeah, just like that, mmm…”
“C'mon sweetheart, let Daddy make you come on this dick one more time…”
Her eyes fluttered shut, a content sigh leaving her as Roman gently kissed her lips and rubbed his hand up and down her back. “I wanna make you breakfast…whenever we get up, of course,” he said, looking down tenderly at her features. She looked so gorgeous in his arms, her hair tousled from sex and sleep, her body soft and warm. She belonged right here with him and if he had his way, she’d never leave his bed.
As much as she longed to spend her day like this, one glance at the clock on the wall advised otherwise. "Sadly, I gotta go. Zaia and Duchess will be home soon.” Also, she would very much rather not have Gemini find her here and start another lecture like she was her damn mother.
“You can shower here to save time, get cleaned up…We did…a lot, last night,” Roman grinned, mischief dancing in his warm brown eyes.
Blushing, Ivy rubbed her nose on his chest, breathing in his scent, “We did, and my body is feeling all of it right now.”
His brows furrowed with concern. “I wasn’t too rough, was I?”
“Not at all. And either way, I wanted it.” Easing herself upright, she glanced around the room, getting a good look at her surroundings for the first time considering how…occupied they were all night. “My dress is laying somewhere and I know the zipper’s busted, no thanks to a certain someone.”
“My bad. I’ll buy you a new one. I got a spare dress shirt you can wear,” Roman offered, letting her wiggle out of his arms and the cocoon of his bed to head to his bathroom, his gaze fixated on her naked glory all the way.
His shower was spacious, the water was warm and his sandalwood body wash was gentle on her deep brown skin. Yet it still couldn’t compare to the heat that filled her body thinking about their antics last night. The line had finally been crossed. Weeks of sexual tension had given way to giving in to her sexy-as-fuck next door neighbor. Cliché in the best and worst way. The pragmatic side of her was keen to overanalyze her actions, to pass it off as scratching an itch and be done with it to be never revisited again. The other part of her, the grieving, lonely young woman, had never felt this good, never felt as wanted and desired as Roman made her feel, and she wanted more. Needed more. For her pleasure. For her wellbeing. She would deal with the emotions when she was ready to cross that bridge. If ever.
Lost in her thoughts, she did not pick up on Roman joining her in the shower until his arms circled her waist. His long hair tickled her skin as he suckled the base of her neck, his mouth widening over the sensitive spot he'd become acquainted with, big hands roaming her body with purpose. As he turned her around, her eyes naturally fell to the shaft dangling menacingly between his tree trunk-like thighs. Even semi-erect, he was intimidating as hell. But even more intimidating was the predatory look in his eyes as he invaded her space with his big strong body, the swish of his tongue making her pussy quiver as she was reminded of how he’d worked it on her and in her until she saw stars…
The memory made her knees weak, and they just about gave way entirely when he smashed his lips to hers. His chest mashed against her hardened nipples, his fingertips grazing one before curling around her throat, soft groans exhaled in unison as the now familiar heat sizzled between them. They delved into each other’s mouths, lapping and sucking sloppily, heads twisting from side to side as he kicked her feet wider apart and grinded his erection against her mound, sending a fresh flood of wetness that had nothing to do with the running water.
“I’m gonna be late,” Ivy breathed out, an absurd statement considering that her home was literally across the street. Roman thought so too, easily dismissing her half-hearted protest with a laugh as he lifted her up against the marble wall.
“I’ll make it worth your while,” he groaned, silencing her with another heated kiss, keeping her trapped between the solid wall and his equally solid muscles. Her shaky moans were his oxygen as he grasped his dick and pushed it inside her, letting out one of his own as her slick heat welcomed him. He reveled in the stunned look on her face, her jaw dropping as her pussy stretched open for him, compelling him to drive into her with hard yet measured thrusts of his hips. His haughty smirk was wide as she shuddered from pleasure, her nails scraping his broad shoulders, her thighs tightening around his waist pulling him deeper into her.
“Ssshiiit, Roman…”
“That’s right, baby, call out my name while I pound this sweet pussy…”
His arm latched protectively around her waist as he walked her to his front door. As they approached the foyer, Ivy looked up at him, her heart thudding from his smoldering gaze that always seemed to reach the depths of her soul.
“Thank you for last night…for dinner, for the dick…It was amazing,” she whispered, pushing a stray lock of his hair back into his neat ponytail.
As her hand dropped to his chest, Roman realized he couldn't let her leave without one more kiss. Caressing her chin between his long fingers, he molded his lips to hers, savoring the taste of her, ensuring to slip her some tongue before pulling back.
“Baby, you don’t ever have to thank me. I got you. If you or Zaia need anything, let me know. If you need to talk…or fuck…” he added slyly, Ivy gasping into his chest as he squeezed her ass, “Or both…just ask. I don’t care what time it is. Call me and I’ll be there,” he promised.
One of the perks of mutual attraction was the insane chemistry between the two parties. Having lacked this for years had almost made Ivy forget how good it felt to want and be wanted. How it felt for just one look to make her heart pound and set her body on fire. For her senses to be awakened with one touch. The butterflies, the schoolgirl-like giddiness…Roman reignited all of that in her in just a matter of weeks.
Having her all to himself seemed to unleash something in him too. Unearthed a sexual spontaneity and adventure that Ivy hadn’t experienced since her college days. Nowhere was too risky and no position was off limits; Perched on the sink in the tiny restroom of a diner, her moans hushed and his thrusts deep. On a deck chair by his pool, her legs on his shoulders, leaving her a sopping, sobbing mess. On all fours in the backseat of his Range Rover in the hospital’s parking garage, the fear of getting caught evaporating with each luscious plunging stroke inside her. Her pussy was his for the taking. Sex with him was so intense and breathtaking that she couldn’t help but wonder where he’d been her whole life.
“So are y’all dating now?”
Startled, Ivy glanced up from her phone so fast, whiplash was in her near future. She cast a nervous glance around the spa's relaxation lounge. It was empty and quiet save for the serene background music and the soothing trickle of a water fountain nearby. But for all Ivy cared, Gemini had uttered the question with a megaphone. "Do you have to be so loud?" she yell-whispered, quickly putting her phone away.
Picking up her complimentary glass of champagne, Gemini shrugged nonchalantly. "What? I'm just asking a question. You’re going on dates. You’re fucking, and the dick is obviously top tier cuz look how big your smile is from just texting him. And the feeling’s mutual, cuz your pussy got that man paying for your hair, your nails and this spa session.”
“Oh my god,” Ivy groaned, the clay mask on her face preventing her from burying her head in her fluffy white bathrobe from sheer embarrassment.
Ignoring her reaction, Gemini leaned back in her lounge chair to observe her best friend. “Look, Ivy. I’m glad you’re getting your back broke the way you deserve, girl. I really am. But I still can’t help but think you’re moving really fast with Roman.”
On closer introspection, Ivy would agree. From the outside looking in, she was letting another man slot into the vacancy Angelo had opened up with his passing. But no one knew her life, especially not his mother Gloria, who still had nothing nice to say about her or Roman since confronting them at her son’s funeral. If only Ivy gave a shit. The woman turned a blind eye to everything her son put her through, thus, her opinions didn’t matter. No one was going to dictate how she grieved or moved on or how to raise her daughter and that was that.
And it wasn’t like she was moving on with Roman. She just felt so…connected to him. Long before they became two bereaved souls that lost their life partners in tragic circumstances. Plus, it wasn’t even all about the sex. He tapped into her desire for comfort and companionship that had eluded her since her relationship with Angelo collapsed. And unlike her ex, Roman appreciated her, and it was evident in the way he treated her. Making her laugh when she was having a tough day. Checking in on her regularly. Talking with her for hours and listening to her. She liked listening to him too; the stories he shared about growing up in Pensacola, Florida, the way his eyes lit up discussing his family with so much love and adoration. And then there were his other little thoughtful gestures; the care packages with soothing teas, bath salts, scented soaps and candles. The playlist of songs that “remind me of you” as he had named it on Spotify. Bouquets of flowers delivered to her workplace that had her fellow nurses ooh-ing and ahh-ing, not excluding her boss, Lilian.
“Whoever this man is, do not let him go,” the Head Nurse had advised as she admired the soft pink roses perched on Ivy's desk.
She didn’t plan to. Not when he was hitting every sweet spot she owned, literally and figuratively. Maybe Gemini was right. Maybe she was dickmatized. But she couldn’t really be blamed, could she? Roman was a smart, sexy man with a soft side and a protective nature that she found extremely appealing and was drawn to.
“You’ve zoned out on me again.” Gemini’s voice cut into her thoughts. “You are dickmatized, girl. The sex is that fire, huh?”
Yes! Ivy thought, a small smile on her face as she tried to articulate her feelings. “It’s not just that. He’s been…really good to me, Gem,” she confessed, sipping pensively on her mimosa. “I feel like grief has kinda brought us together in a good way. Like it was meant to happen like this. Yeah, he’s…passionate. And I know you’re worried about his temper. But he’s been so gentle with me. He’s attentive. Affectionate. He…cares. And it feels good. Really good,” she went on, her eyes fixed imploringly on her best friend as though trying to plead her case.
Gemini was silent as she took in Ivy’s assessment, the skepticism on her pretty features slowly melting into sympathy. “Well, in your defense, you do look…happy,” she admitted, “Happier than I’ve ever seen you with Angelo or anyone else. But I won’t stop begging you to keep your eyes open, babe. It won’t speak well of me as your friend if I don’t.” She was yet to find anything on Roman other than the fact that he had no social media presence of any kind. Odd as that was, it wasn’t a crime. Gemini truly wanted to believe she was overreacting about him, but her gut pushed her to keep looking just to make sure, for Ivy’s sake at least. And she would. Ivy didn’t need to know. If there was indeed nothing, she would let it go and forget all about it. “Angelo just passed. Your emotions are elevated. It’s okay to take things slow and not rebound so quick.”
Ivy pleaded the fifth on that. He was a welcome distraction from losing Angelo. A reprieve from her other reality of coming home and finding traces of her child’s father around the house. He never got round to taking all of his belongings with him when she kicked him out for good, which meant she was still kicking up the occasional item of his here and there that brought fresh waves of sadness each time.
But no one was taking his death harder than Zaia, who had essentially abandoned her bedroom for her mother’s. More heartbreakingly, she was crying in her sleep almost every night, calling out for her daddy. Ivy was worried and planned to book an appointment with her pediatrician, Dr. Zayn.
Again, Roman came to her rescue, arranging movie nights with her daughter, the two of them cuddling up on her couch and bonding over buttered popcorn and Disney’s iconic characters. As Halloween approached, Roman joined them in decorating not just her yard but his own as well, creating a festive atmosphere that brought joy to their little community. He even took them on an outing to Dave & Buster's, where his playful and attentive interaction with Zaia stood out. It was quite heartwarming how hands-on he was with her little girl; he would make a great father someday.
Ivy knew he was only trying to help; in no way did she expect him to replace Angelo because he never could. No one could. That was Zaia’s daddy, no matter what. And though Ivy acknowledged that she may like Roman a little more than the boundaries of mere physical attraction permitted, she knew better than to let those feelings cloud her judgment when it came to her baby. Angelo would always be a part of her life. She hadn't completely shoved him all the way to the back of her mind, but at least he no longer dominated her every thought. It was getting better, and better was better than worse.
An attendant entered the ladies’ space and set a tray of assorted fruits on their table. Gemini snatched up a strawberry and dropped it into her drink. "Anyway, you're gonna be at my party, right?" she asked, “What are you wearing?”
Gemini’s annual Halloween party was a highlight of the social calendar year, and it made Ivy cringe to know she’d forgotten about it. “Fuck. I’ve been so busy with work and everything else that I haven’t thought about it. I only got Zaia sorted out for her trick-or-treat party. I’ll find something for myself this week.”
“Good. Can’t wait to see what you do this year. Your Storm cosplay last year was fire.” A long, tense beat crawled by before Gemini cleared her throat, her next words tentative and begrudging. “You can bring Loverboy along, if you want,” she grumbled.
Smiling, Ivy raised her champagne flute to her lips. “I’m sure he’d like that. I want you to get along with him. No more tiptoeing around another man in my life.” Sitting upright, she moved in for the kill. “And what about the man in yours anyway, huh? Officer Hayes, hmm? If you don’t focus on that fine ass man and leave me alone…”
Eyes wide, Gemini avoided her friend's teasing gaze. “Ion know whatchu talkin’ about.”
“Sure you don’t,” Ivy smirked.
Nobody threw a party quite like Gemini Beaufort. Her Halloween bashes were the stuff of legend, with an over-the-top grandeur that seemed to escalate with each passing year. By the time October’s final night arrived, the anticipation was palpable. Securing an invitation to her party was almost as difficult as getting into an elite club. Hosted in the grand, sweeping mansion that had been in her family for decades, attending a Beaufort party was a badge of honor in this town, an unspoken acknowledgment that you were now part of Hartford’s elite.
Hand in hand, Roman and Ivy climbed the winding stone steps. The dark silhouette of the house framed the towering trees draped in cobwebs. Skeletons hung from the eaves, their bony hands outstretched in eerie welcome, while carved, glowing pumpkins lined the path like sentinels guarding the front door. Fog rolled across the ground, and a ghostly figure swayed in the breeze, making the mansion feel like something out of a haunted tale.
As they neared the entrance, Ivy noticed Roman fidgeting with his costume. He was dressed as Aquaman, the golden, two-piece spandex clinging to his chiseled body like a second skin, his trident gleaming in his hand. But despite the impressive Jason Momoa-esque look, Roman seemed uncomfortable, adjusting the tight fabric around his torso. “You good, babe?” she questioned.
“I don’t know, Ivy,” he said, his voice tinged with frustration. “This thing is skintight. I feel…exposed. Like it’s showing everything.”
His nerves were a sharp contrast from Ivy’s, looking effortlessly stunning in her Clovers cheerleader uniform from Bring It On, the iconic green, yellow and gold ensemble accentuating her curves. She smiled softly at him, her eyes warming. “Well, it’s showing all the right things,” she joked, biting her lip when he frowned. “Relax. You look great. Like you just stepped off a movie set,” she reassured him.
Roman exhaled sharply, his gaze shifting toward the house where the party raged on inside. “It ain’t the outfit,” he admitted. “It’s more of the people, I think. I’m not…great with crowds.”
Ivy’s smile grew, her heart softening at his vulnerability. She had seen this side of him before—strong but uncertain. Needing assurance. “Remember how you stood by me at Angelo’s funeral? You defended me in a room full of strangers,” she reminded him. “Well, I’m gonna do the same for you tonight.” She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “You look sexy as hell, babe. You’ll be fine, because we’re in this together. And if all else fails, we’ll just drink the night away.”
At that, Roman’s posture relaxed, the tension eased. He smiled at her, his expression grateful. “You right. Thanks, baby.” He paused, the gratitude in his eyes shifting to something else as he looked her over. “You look beautiful, by the way. Really beautiful,” he drawled, licking his lips. “You sure we can’t go back home and have a party of our own?”
“Down, boy,” Ivy giggled, swatting his creeping hand away as she glanced toward the door. The brass knocker had been replaced with a creepy, oversized spider, its legs curled around the handle. With a deep breath, she stepped forward and grabbed it to knock.
The door swung open, the soft creak of the hinges drowned out by the thumping bass of music from inside. A wide smile lit up Gemini’s face as her eyes fell on Ivy, her jaw dropping as she took in her outfit.
“Ivy! Girl, you look incredible!” Gemini’s voice rang out with warmth, her own costume, a curvaceous Lola Bunny from Space Jam, hugging her voluptuous shape enticingly. The white crop top, matching shorts, and knee-high socks paired with her signature bunny ears made her look every bit like the cartoon character. “I’m so glad you made it!” She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Ivy in a tight hug, the scent of lavender and cinnamon swirling between them.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Ivy grinned. “You woulda beat my ass anyway if I did.”
Gemini stepped back, eyes flicking over Ivy’s shoulder, her smile faltering at the towering figure behind her, his sharp features and easy smile that seemed just a little too practiced. He was dressed as Aquaman—predictable. Her eyes lowered to his hand on the small of Ivy’s back, possessiveness radiating from the man that the attorney was yet to warm up to. But she was quick to recover, plastering on a welcoming smile.
“Hi, Roman,” she said coolly, stepping aside to let them in.
“Hey, Gemini,” he replied smoothly, his voice cheery as he looked around. “Thanks for inviting me. You have a lovely home.”
“Thanks,” Gemini answered. “I’m glad you both could come. It’s gonna be a fun night.”
The entire space of the mansion’s grand foyer had been transformed, an intricate web of cobwebs draping the walls, bats dangling from the ceiling, and pumpkins carved with jagged smiles glowing from every corner. The scent of mulled cider and spiced pumpkin filled the air, the low hum of conversation and laughter drifting in from the next room. Before they parted ways, Gemini’s eyes met Ivy’s again with that disapproving look that Ivy was starting to tire of. In turn, her eyes narrowed, a subtle, silent warning. Roman, however, seemed oblivious to the tension, scanning the room with that same cautious gaze. Watching them slip further into the crowd, Gemini’s eyes lingered on the big man and suppressed a sigh, deciding to focus on the party. Tonight wasn’t about him. It was about having fun, celebrating with the people she cared about, and being a good host.
The vibrant energy soon took over, the lights, the laughter, and the familiar hum of a good time. Ivy showed Roman around, introducing him to other neighbors and a few other friends of hers, including local cops Officer Gable and Officer Hayes, the latter looking spectacular in his Killmonger armor. Dinner was a vibrant mix of the ordinary and the macabre. Alongside the classic chicken, beef, and vegetarian dishes, the buffet featured quirky options like graveyard chocolate pudding cups, bloody finger hot dogs and cheesy pizza skulls. The bar added a playful twist, serving drinks in boozy blood bags and Jell-O shot syringes, alongside cocktails inspired by iconic horror villains like Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers and Chucky.
At the table, conversation flowed freely, punctuated by the clinking of glasses and the occasional burst of laughter. Ivy sat sandwiched between Roman and Raquel, a paralegal at Gemini’s law firm. The hostess herself claimed the head seat, with Officer Hayes right next to her. Ivy noticed how Carmelo had stuck close to Gemini all evening. It wasn’t subtle, and Ivy was certain they were sleeping together. They were undeniably cute, even if Gemini would never admit it. Ivy smirked to herself, already planning how she’d tease her friend about it later.
She turned her attention to Roman, checking on him. He’d been quiet, not saying much, listening to other people’s chatter as he picked at his food. “How’s your food? Good?” she asked, eyeing up his half-eaten plate of shrimp fried rice and garlic butter salmon.
Roman nodded, leaning close to her, “It is. But I’d rather be eating something else cuz it looks so fucking good.”
Before she could ask him to clarify, he snuck his hand under the table to rest it on her leg, moving it along her inner thigh.
"Roman!" Ivy hissed, shocked at his boldness. Surely he wasn't going to try to do what she thought he wanted to do in the presence of all these people, dimmed lighting or not. Her eyes widened as Roman tugged her panties to the side, teasing her folds with his fingers, gathering the growing wetness.
At that exact moment, Raquel decided to steer the conversation to them, leaning forward on the dining table with a sly grin. “So, Nurse Jones, we see you’ve been scooped up by the handsome new neighbor over here,” she teased, her voice brimming with curiosity. “Tell us all about it. How did this beautiful union happen?”
Ivy opened her mouth to answer, but any attempt at forming a coherent thought was derailed by two thick, long fingers suddenly plunging into her, sending shockwaves all over her body. Grabbing his wrist under the table, she struggled to keep a straight face, a sharp contrast from Roman as he stepped in smoothly. “It’s pretty straightforward, really. I came over to hers, asked to borrow some sugar, and she gave me a cookie recipe along with it. The rest, as they say, is history,” he announced, his voice warm and effortlessly charming.
The table erupted into a mix of laughter and ‘aww’s. Ivy’s flushed features were for a far less innocent reason than his sweet comment as she shot Roman another warning look. He merely raised an eyebrow as if daring her to lose her composure, his signature smirk firmly in place as his fingers pumped inside her, making her squirm in her seat as she fought to suppress her moans.
A clueless Raquel nearly spilled her wine as she clutched her stomach. “A cookie recipe! Classic! That’s so cute,” she exclaimed.
Carmelo chimed in next, his tone gentle but curious. “And Zaia? Has she taken to you?” His eyes flicked to Ivy, aware that her little girl had been the center of her world since day one.
Roman’s countenance shifted then, the playful air giving way to something softer, more sincere. “Zaia is the sweetest little girl,” he said, his voice unwavering. “She’s so smart, and she has her mama’s kind heart. I’m blessed to get to know her. Ivy’s an amazing mother. It’s been a tough year for me, and I’m so glad I’ve met them, and all of you as well. I can tell that this town will be good for me.”
The warmth emanating from him seemed genuine, and even Carmelo appeared won over. There were murmurs of approval around the table, heads nodding in silent agreement.
But not everyone was convinced. Gemini sat quietly, her glass of wine untouched, her sharp eyes flickering between Roman and Ivy. Unlike the others, she wasn’t laughing or nodding. Her arms were crossed loosely over her chest, her face a careful mask that betrayed nothing except a slight tension in her jaw.
As Roman continued to field questions and charm the room, she remained silent. Her piercing eyes took in every word, every gesture, every touch. Something about him just did not sit right with her. His words felt just a little too smooth, too charming, his timing just a little too perfect.
The others were too busy to notice Gemini’s quiet skepticism, but Ivy could feel it, even if she wasn’t looking her way. She could only imagine her indignation if she knew that Roman was currently fingering her under the table. She forced a smile as Raquel launched into another question, fighting the urge to scream as her orgasm loomed. But right as she made it to the brink of euphoria, Roman stopped, pulling his fingers out of her.
“We’ll finish this later,” he growled, kissing her cheek and patting her thigh, refocusing on his food like nothing happened.
Infuriating.
Intoxicating.
After dinner, the guests gathered in the cozy, candlelit den. The fire crackled warmly in the hearth, casting flickering shadows over the room. Lounging on plush armchairs and sprawling rugs, the drinks continued to flow and loosen people up more and more. Someone had started a risqué game of “Truth or Dare,” but Roman seemed uninterested in the group activity, his attention wholly fixed on Ivy.
Her seat was his lap, her laughter chiming through the room as someone recounted a particularly embarrassing dare. Roman’s arm remained draped possessively around her waist, his fingers idly tracing circles on her hip. His gaze, though lighthearted, was sharp and territorial, shooting silent warnings at anyone who dared look at Ivy for more than a fleeting moment. Most irritating of them all was Damian, a mutual friend of Gemini and Ivy’s whom Roman noticed had been eyeing her up all evening, seated next to them in a gaudy vampire rockstar getup as he made conversation with her. Then for some reason, he dared to address Roman himself, nodding in his direction. “Hey, great costume, man,” he complimented.
Plastering a plastic smile on his face, Roman leaned forwards, his tone deceptively casual as he responded loud enough for the entire room to hear, “Thanks man. Ya know, I almost didn’t bother with a costume this year. I considered dressing up as a homicidal maniac.” He paused, letting the room go still for a moment before adding with an airy laugh, “Ya know, cuz they look like anybody?”
The room’s energy froze for a beat, the humor landing awkwardly. A few people exchanged uneasy glances. Damian looked flabbergasted.
Roman clapped his hands together, his grin widening as if to erase the tension. “Come onnnn, relax, people! Lighten up! Anyway, I think I nailed the Aquaman look, right?”
Laughter rippled through the room, hesitant at first, but it grew louder when Roman flashed his megawatt smile and raised his drink. The moment passed, but Gemini wasn’t laughing. From her seat on Carmelo’s lap, she studied Roman with narrowed eyes, her suspicions too great to hold in any longer.
A little while later, as guests migrated to refill their glasses and raid the buffet table for more snacks, Gemini saw her chance. She waited until Roman wandered into the kitchen alone and followed him from a distance.
“Roman,” she said, her voice sharp and deliberate.
He turned, his smile immediate but calculated. “Gemini! What’s up? Great party-”
“What kinda creepy ass comment was that, huh? Homicidal maniac? Really? After everything that’s been going on in this town? Could you show your ass anymore out there?” she accused.
“I was just trying to be funny. Sure, it didn’t hit at first but I think I recovered. If my joke was perceived as offensive then I-”
“Cut the shit,” Gemini snapped, stepping closer. Her voice was low but firm, her eyes boring into his. “I’m a goddamn attorney, Roman. Your passive-aggressive bullshit don’t work on me. I see through it, and I see right through you. You’re not who you pretend you are. I can feel it. You’ve got Ivy and everybody else fooled, but I’m not buying it.”
Roman’s smile didn’t waver, but it shifted into something colder, crueler. He leaned casually against the counter, swirling the drink in his hand. “Ivy is a grown woman, Gem,” he said, his tone almost too calm. “A mother, with her own family. Something you don’t have, and with that attitude, you probably never will.”
Gemini’s composure faltered, just for a second, at the scathing jab. Roman caught the slip-up like a cat catching a canary, and his smile widened, his voice softening mockingly. “I’m sure Ivy can make her own decisions without her lawyer friend hovering around.” He took a step closer, his voice dropping. “I’ve tolerated your hostility long enough. But let me give you some friendly advice, sweetheart. You don’t wanna get on my bad side, ever. I promise you that.”
Before Gemini could retort, the sound of approaching footsteps made them both pause. Ivy appeared in the doorway, her brows furrowed in confusion as she took in the tense scene.
“What’s going on here?” she asked, her gaze darting between the two of them.
Gemini straightened, her tone as lighthearted as possible. “Just having a chat with your boyfriend.”
Roman immediately softened, his expression shifting into one of wounded innocence. “I think I’ve upset her somehow,” he said, his voice laced with regret. “I’m not sure what I did but whatever it is, I’m sorry, Gemini. That wasn’t my intention at all.”
Stunned by his complete 180, Gemini opened her mouth to respond, but Ivy got there first. “Gemini, can I talk to you for a second?” she spoke, more a demand than a request.
Roman stepped back, raising his hands in mock surrender. “I’ll leave you two to it,” he said smoothly, pressing a light kiss to Ivy’s cheek before slipping away.
As soon as he was gone, Ivy turned on Gemini, her eyes blazing. “What the fuck is your problem?!”
“My problem?” Gemini shot back. “I’m trying to protect you, Ivy! I don’t trust him, and you shouldn’t either!”
Ivy’s shoulders sagged slightly, exhaustion and grief creeping into her demeanor. “I don’t need this from you right now, Gem. I’m barely holding it together after Angelo, and Roman…Roman’s been there for me in a way no one else has.”
“Exactly!” Gemini said, her tone urgent. “Don’t you think it’s a little too convenient? He shows up out of nowhere, swoops in while you’re at your most vulnerable, and suddenly he’s everywhere in your life? Doesn’t that raise any red flags for you?”
Ivy’s jaw tightened. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not Angelo. I’m not a case you need to solve, Gemini. I’m a grown ass woman and I can decide who I want in my life. Roman’s good to me and Zaia. That’s all that matters.”
Gemini stared at her, her frustration mounting. “You’re not seeing the whole picture, Ivy! Please, just—”
“Enough!” Ivy snapped, stamping her foot angrily. “You’re always looking for problems where there aren’t any! Roman’s done nothing but protect me and be there for me! Just cuz you don’t trust anyone doesn’t mean I'm the same!” She trailed off. Reeled her temper back in. Ignoring the hurt in her best friend's eyes, she addressed her with a clipped and cold tone. “I’m only gonna say this one time. Stop trying to interfere in my life. If you don’t, I might have to reevaluate our friendship.”
Gemini’s eyes widened. “And what does that mean?”
“Figure it out. You’re the one who knows everything,” Ivy bit back, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
“Over a nigga you just met?” Gemini shook her head in disbelief. “Wow, Ivy. Wow.”
Ivy stood her ground. “I said what I said. All I know is I can’t go on like this. This constant back and forth with you. I’ve made up my mind about Roman and clearly, so have you.” She shrugged. “The only difference is I don't care what you think anymore.”
Gemini swallowed the lump in her throat as Ivy turned and walked away, leaving her alone in the kitchen. She exhaled shakily, gripping the edge of the counter. Roman’s words kept echoing in her mind, chilling and deliberate.
You don’t wanna get on my bad side, ever.
Gemini wasn’t scared of his threats. But she was more certain than ever: Roman was hiding something. And she wasn’t going to stop until she found out what it was.
Ivy stormed out of the kitchen, her sneakers pounding against the hardwood floor. She pushed her emotions down, forcing herself to breathe evenly, to shake off the lingering sting of her gut-wrenching argument with Gemini. The music from the den grew louder as she approached, but it all felt like static compared to the turmoil in her chest.
Roman spotted her immediately. He was lounging against the wall near the fireplace, sipping from a glass of bourbon, his Aquaman costume catching the firelight. His sharp eyes tracked her as she neared him, his expression shifting into one of concern.
“Hey,” he said softly, setting his drink down. He reached for her hand, pulling her close. “You okay? What happened back there?”
Ivy avoided his questioning stare, her expression tight. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just…I want to leave.”
Roman frowned, tilting his head. “Leave? Why?”
“Because,” she said, her voice faltering, “I’m not in the mood anymore. Gemini…She thinks she knows everything! She’s just trying to protect me, but I can’t deal with it right now. I don’t want to ruin your night, Roman.”
“Ruin my night?” Roman chuckled, the sound low and warm. He cupped her face gently, his thumb brushing over her cheek. “Baby girl, don’t let her ruin your night. This is meant to be fun. You deserve a break…you’ve been through so much.”
“I know, but—”
“No buts,” he interrupted, firmly but kindly. “Stay. Forget about her. I’ll handle her if she steps out of line again, okay?”
Ivy hesitated, her eyes searching his face. Something about the way he looked at her—the unshakable confidence, the way he made her feel grounded—settled the tension in her chest. She nodded slowly. “Fine. Get me a drink. A strong one.”
Roman’s lips curled into a pleased smile. “Comin’ right up,” he said, kissing her softly before heading off to do as she asked.
Deeper into the night, the party reached a fever pitch. The music thumped louder, a sultry beat that made the air feel electric. Ivy, emboldened by her third cocktail, shepherded Roman to a corner, away from the makeshift dance floor in the center of the room. Backing up on him, her movements were fluid and teasing, her body swaying to the rhythm of Chris Brown and Davido’s “Sensational”. Her head tilted back, her laughter loud and uninhibited, her eyes locked seductively on Roman’s. He gripped her hips, pulling her flush against his crotch, biting his lip as she bent at the waist to grind on him, her ass gyrating obscenely against the thick bulge of his erection. A low groan slipped from her lips when he yanked her back upright, brushing her hair out of the way to nuzzle her neck, his mouth hot and greedy on her heated skin.
The other guests watched, some whispering to each other, some pretending not to notice. Ivy was putting on a show and she knew it. Her grief, her frustration, her lingering anger with Gemini—all of it melted away as she lost herself in the music and Roman’s presence. Turning around, she wound her arms around his neck and captured his mouth with hers, absorbing the alcohol lacing his tongue. His hands traveled underneath her little skirt, grabbing and squeezing her ass cheek in large handfuls, his body rocking with hers in time with the music.
Roman leaned in, his breath warm against her ear. “You’re full of surprises tonight, sweetheart,” he murmured, his tone heavy with amusement—and something darker.
Eyeing him through her long lashes, her hand trailed down his chest, her touch deliberate as she stroked his visible hard-on through the stretched fabric of his costume, loving the feel of him throbbing in her hand.
“I need you. Need your dick inside me,” she whispered to him, lust simmering in her brown eyes.
Sucking in a sharp breath, Roman cupped the nape of her neck, his lips brushing her ear. “Where’s Gemini’s bedroom?”
Ivy froze for a half-second, caught off guard by his question. She pulled back slightly to look at him, a curious smirk tugging at her lips. “Why?”
His grin was devilish, his voice low and conspiratorial. “Where better to fuck you than right under her nose? Let her hear just how much you need me.”
Ivy’s heart raced, a mix of exhilaration and nervousness and alcohol twisting in her stomach. She glanced around the room, the other guests oblivious to their conversation, and then back at Roman. He was watching her expectedly, intently, his darkened eyes filled with a dangerous kind of charm.
“You nasty motherfucker,” she slurred, her full lips curved into a wicked, excited grin.
Roman leaned in, crushing his mouth to hers, his kiss laced with carnal, tantalizing promise. “Only for you, baby girl.”
Without further hesitation, she grabbed his hand and dragged him off the dance floor. As they disappeared from view, the music continued to pulse, the party continuing without them.
They stumbled up the staircase, Roman watching her ass sway from side to side as she moved. He made an impatient sound and swiftly scooped her into his arms, carrying her the rest of the way up. Giggling drunkenly, Ivy tucked her face in the thick column of his neck, licking that one protruding vein that made her crazy for him. “You smell so good, handsome,” she purred, latching her mouth to his throat with an almost vampiric hunger, her clit pulsing in anticipation for the naughtiness about to transpire.
“Which door?” asked Roman.
“Last one on the right,” she murmured, wiggling out of his grasp and mildly surprised to find the door open as she turned the knob and dragged him inside. Roman looked around with a raised eyebrow at the spacious master bedroom, sleek and organized and fitting for an uppity bitch like Gemini. His gaze cut back to the sexy little MILF before him, her dark eyes glazed and stormy, her ample chest heaving in shallow breaths. He eagerly closed the gap between them, his hands finding her hips and yanking her to his chest. Cupping his bearded face, Ivy pulled him in, her mouth meeting his with heated eagerness. Roman maneuvered them to the bed and shoved her onto it face-first, his eyes blazing as he ogled her exposed derrière.
“So fucking sexy. The things I wanna do to you in this little ass skirt,” he murmured, his hands all over her ass, smacking the plump cheeks. “Come here, baby, let Daddy give you what you need.”
In what felt like record time, she was on her hands and knees on Gemini’s king bed, her back arched, panties tugged to the side, deep, powerful backshots making her scream Roman’s name into the comforter lest all the guests downstairs would find out exactly they were up to in here.
“You feel that dick, baby girl? You like that?” asked Roman. His body weight damn near had her face disappearing into the bed. Flat on her chest, ass in the air, barely able to keep her eyes open as he dug her out from behind, forcing his dick deeper into her with tantalizing rolls and snaps of his hips.
“Shit…I feel it, oh fuck!” Ivy cried, wanton, breathy pants punched out of her by his dizzying length and girth tunneling in and out of her, nudging against her g-spot, right where she wanted it. Fuck, he was so deep!
He liked that she couldn’t seem to control her noises because she was taking him so fucking well, his pelvis smacking loudly and lewdly against her ass, a mesmerizing sight. He grabbed the soft flesh, using his strong grip to rock her back and forth on his dick, making her meet his deep thrusts. Her pussy was so wet that it lathered the entirety of his cock, dripping down her inner thighs and onto the sheets. “Mm-hmm, make a mess on my big dick, baby. Getting fucked on your bestie’s bed like a nasty slut…You love this shit, don’t you,” he taunted her, wrapping his fist around her pigtails and using them as a steer, controlling her.
“Yes, I love it…unnh, fuck my pussy, baby, don’t stop!” She was definitely under a liquor spell that had her talking and acting reckless tonight. This was one of the few reasons she didn’t drink much. No way in her sober mind would she have agreed to desecrate her best friend’s bedroom like this.
But right now she didn’t want to think about Gemini or anything else except the feel of this hot, big man and his even bigger dick all up in her like it was now.
Sitting up straighter, Roman pulled out and flipped her roughly onto her back. Climbing into the bed, he yanked her closer to him and hoisted her shaky legs up on his shoulders. Ivy tried not to scream at the maddening, deliberately slow wind of his hips as he forged his way back inside her.
"Awww, right there," she whimpered, head thrown back, her mouth falling open in ecstasy, "Oh my god, your dick feels so good..."
Roman grunted, weaving his hands inside her top to massage her breasts. “Been wantin’ to fuck you all damn night.” He groaned as her walls clung to his dick, squeezing every inch as he maintained his pace, keeping up his relentless strokes inside her pussy. So wet, so warm and tight, a wonderful sensation. “Shit, this pussy too good. You’ve put a spell on me, baby girl. I can’t stop thinkin’ about you, day and night.” He bent down to lash his tongue inside her mouth, his eyes filled with a fire that matched the burning in hers.
“You belong to me,” he growled in a dark and possessive whisper, his fingers shifting downward to play with her pussy. “You’re mine. Your pussy is mine. Forever. You understand me?”
“Yes, baby,” Ivy moaned back to him, delirious, her body on fire, the flames fueled by his other hand gripping her throat, applying a little pressure as the bed shook and rattled under the strain of their coupling. Above her, Roman’s eyebrows knitted, his hold on her tightening as for a brief moment, his vision blurred, distorted, and suddenly, it was Gemini lying beneath him instead, her eyes wide and bulging with sheer terror, the light in them slowly fading away as he choked the life out of her.
The image, so vivid and palpable, made him fuck Ivy harder. Squeeze her neck tighter.
She was a moaning, mewling, soaked mess underneath him, her essence smeared all over both their lower regions. Overwhelmed by the thrill, the pleasure, the power of his deadly thrusts absolutely ruining her sweet spot. This was exactly how he wanted her, powerless and compliant to his will, and there was nothing she could do about it, nor did she want to. She looked into his eyes, his gorgeous face twisted in an erotic mix of concentration and pleasure. Her nails dug into his broad back, keeping him close. Body to body, skin on skin. So good; he felt so good on her, in her, and she was on the verge of explosion.
“I’m gonna come,” she whined, her breaths joining his in bursting expulsions of air as he pounded her into Gemini’s mattress. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head as she came apart, her body convulsing from the orgasm to end all orgasms, robbing her of all her senses. She was all nerves and sensation as Roman continued pumping into her at blistering speed, gasping and growling against her sweat-slick skin.
“Let me come in you,” he beseeched her with a sloppy, tongue-laden kiss, groaning at the feel of her rubbing the firm flesh of his backside, amplifying the already intense sensations coursing through his massive frame.
"Come in me, Roman. I want all your cum," she encouraged, her fingers tangling in his long locks to anchor him to her, inhaling his sweat-slick, sweet scent. A feeling like this could never be replicated—this animalistic passion, this wild and primal need for each other. Every touch, every stroke was magic, a fountain of bliss and ecstasy that Ivy was drunk off of and she would be for the foreseeable future.
A jumble of expletives along with Ivy’s name tumbled from Roman’s lips as he came hard, his hips jerking, releasing all he had inside her. He remained on top of her when his orgasm ebbed away, shifting so that her legs slid from his shoulders and settled around his waist. He kissed her softly and relished in her satisfied sighs and the sensual brushes of their lips together. Sitting back on his heels, he studied her with a wipe of his brow, biting his bottom lip cheekily before they both burst into soft laughter as the gravity of their misdeeds sank in.
“Let’s take this party home, beautiful,” he breathed, slapping her backside lightly before helping her out of the bed. “Best believe I ain’t done with your fine ass.”
Thank goodness that Zaia was having a sleepover. “Sounds good to me, babe,” Ivy concurred as they adjusted each other's clothes before sneaking out of the room, not bothering to straighten the rumpled sheets and pillows scattered on the bed.
Thanks for reading! Your replies and reblogs are so much appreciated! Also keep your Asks coming, we're loving all the theories!
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Mom Friend - Kenma - pt 2
The room is vibrating with quiet conversations and the anticipation only a good game can bring.
Below, Hinata’s warming up. He knows exactly where you’re sitting and he waves excitedly before moving on in the line-up.
“Hey, you’re here already.” Kuroo smiles when he squeezes through, pulling you into a hug.
Behind him, Kenma comes shuffling in. You move to hug him, like you always do when you’re meeting in a group, though you barely touch this time. It’s a fake-out more than anything else.
“Have you been here long?”
“Hinata needed a ride,” you shrug your shoulders. “I had the car this weekend, so it wasn’t a problem.”
Kuroo whistles a mismatched tune. “Do you think they’re going to win?”
“Oh, for sure,” you smile up at him. “Like how can they not?”
You know you’re not the most knowledgeable when it comes to Volleyball. Most games one of the boys ends up explaining a play to you, but no one ever seemed to mind.
Today, though, you mind.
You know Kenma hasn’t told Hinata about that night, because Hinata’s the worlds worst liar. You’d be able to tell if he knew.
Kuroo, however, is an amazing liar. If he knows, and you suspect he does, he isn’t letting it slip.
His kindness feels forced to you now. Is he pitying you?
“Did you get that?” He asks half an hour later when the referee waves his hands in a way you haven’t seen before.
The “no” is on the tip of your tongue but you can’t bring yourself to say it.
“You don’t have to explain it,” you say instead, the words a little more biting than they should be. “It’s fine.”
Kuroo startles and behind him, you can see the concern in Kenma’s face.
You can’t stand it anymore, being this close to him, and get up.
“I need to use the toilet,” you rush out. “Lady problems.”
The line is short.
But you sit on the cold toilet seat for fifteen minutes, scrolling through Tiktok until your heartbeat settles and you feel ready to go back out again.
You’ll have to apologize to Kuroo in some way if you want to save this friendship.
Though is there a way to save it? Should you, even?
-
“Did you see my spike?” Hinata asks later, hair damp from the game, towel slung around his neck. “Did you?”
You’re not sure which one he means, but you nod and you fawn over him like you usually do.
But then he’s gone, gone for a quick shower, and you’re left to wait around.
“You good?” Kuroo asks and you can feel your spine stiffen, from the top all the way down to the bottom.
“Yes,” you tell him, though your eyes stay on the floor. A quick check, Kenma’s shoes are nowhere to be seen. At least he’s not here to witness this. “I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
“I don’t want your pity.”
Kuroo quiets. He’s usually someone who moves a lot, squiggles his foot, or taps his thigh, but he’s motionless right now, at least the lower part of him that you can see. Nothing is going to make you lift your eyes up. You don’t want to see his face.
“Did something happen last week?”
You hesitate.
“Nothing happened.”
“Are you sure? Kenma said you watched the movie and went out for dinner after like we usually do. He said you didn’t talk much, that it was quiet, but if it’s something about Kenma-”
“Why does it have to be about Kenma?” You lift your eyes now, want to see his face. He looks concerned. Too soft.
He reminds you of yourself. How did Kenma call it? Bothering people.
“Maybe it was something at work. Or it’s because I’m on my period. Or I’m just having a bad day. Maybe some creep tried to hit on me and I’m weirded out by that. Why do you automatically assume that it’s about Kenma?”
Kuroo’s quiet for a moment. “You usually react differently to Kenma being around.”
“Yeah, well,” you shrug. “Things change.”
He looks pained but he doesn’t pry anymore. You can’t help but think that he’ll ask Kenma about it later. That Kenma will tell him the truth, eventually, because they’ve been friends longer than anyone you know.
You force yourself to smile. This might be the last time you see Kuroo in a while.
“I’m just being weird,” you promise him. “A girl has to be weird sometimes.”
“Okay,” he nods and you stay there, silent, until Hinata comes back.
- - -
“Hey.”
You look up from your desk. Kuroo’s standing in the doorway, shirt pushed up to the elbows, his hair defying gravity as usual. It’s been a few weeks since you’ve seen him.
Work has kept you busy. You’ve got other friends too, though Hinata has been pretty good at calling you up.
“Hey,” you hesitate for a second. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah,” he smiles. “I was in the area and remembered you work here. Do you wanna get lunch together?”
You hesitate.
“Just checking in on you,” Kuroo promises. “Don’t be a stranger?”
You sigh. “Fine.”
-
“Kenma hasn’t told me anything, by the way,” Kuroo tells you as he separates his chopsticks. “If that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Why would I be worried about that?”
He chuckles. “You’re pretty good at deflecting, has anyone told you that before?”
“And you’re a mother-hen, has anyone told you that before?”
“Yeah,” he stuffs an egg roll into his mouth and nods.
“How do you deal with that?” You ask, pushing the rice around your bowl for a moment before taking a bite.
Kuroo shrugs. “I like being this way. If I step on somebody’s toes, I apologize of course, and try to stay clear of that, but in the end… it’s who I want to be, so why change?”
You consider that, but it’s not that easy.
Nothing really ever is when there are feelings involved.
“We’re having a movie night next weekend,” Kuroo adds gently when your bowl is almost empty. “I’m formally inviting you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know. But I want to. I like having you around. We,” he corrects himself with a grin. “Like having you around.”
“Who’s we?”
“Bokuto, of course, and where’s Bokuto there’s Akaashi. Atsumu invited himself and he’s bringing Osamu, so there’s food involved. I think Hinata managed to rope Sakusa in, but that’s always a little debatable.” He stops. “I just realized they’re all just guys, so I’m counting on you to invite a few girls.”
“Are you using me to find your friends some girlfriends?”
“Why, is it working?”
- - -
It’s no surprise that Kenma’s not showing up to movie night. He’s not a big fan of crowds, you know, and there’s always a crowd when Atsumu is concerned.
It’s a good thing you end up going because you end up setting Emi up with Osamu - completely on accident - and as Hinata figures out he’s allergic to some weird European drink you’re the only one with antihistamine pills in your possession.
-
“Do you always come this prepared?” Sakusa asks, hiding out in the kitchen where it’s calmest.
“I guess,” you reply, preparing yourself for another sting.
“I like that,” Sakusa hums. “Do you have hand sanitizer?”
“Sure,” you pull it out of your purse. “Scented or unscented?”
“Unscented please.” He offers his palm and thanks you quietly when you squeeze out the liquid.
“You can call me Kiyoomi,” he adds after a moment of silence. “Just don’t tell Miya.”
You smile. “This is what being knighted must feel like.”
Kiyoomi taps your forehead. “Don’t get too cocky or I’ll revoke your rights.”
-
“Are you coming to the cinema this weekend?” Hinata asks after a game, eyelids already fluttering with exhaustion. “It’s that one movie you said you wanted to watch.”
“Sure,” you tell him, ushering him forward, waving at Kiyoomi whose car’s a little further down in the parking lot. “Who did you invite?”
“Everyone,” Hinata yawns. “Can you drive? Key is in my-”
“Wallet, I know.” You pull it out of the bag he’s carrying. “If you invited everyone, surely you wouldn’t miss me.”
Hinata furrows his brows. “That’s not true.”
It’s sweet, but you wonder about it sometimes still.
It’s the age-old question, isn’t it? Do you like me because you need me or do you need me because you like me?
You think you’ve grown, in these last few months.
You like the way you are. Not the smartest and not the dumbest. Over-prepared and over-caring.
But you’ve also recognized that you’re a friend and not a mother.
That you want a partner, not a child.
“I’m good,” you tell Hinata when you reach his apartment complex. “But thanks for inviting me. Maybe next time.”
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Mom Friend - Kenma pt one two three
#my writing#kenma angst#kenma x reader#kenma#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu angst#haikyuu#sakusa#bokuto#kuroo#miya twins
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Spoilers for Transformers One.
On the one hand, I do think Orion was right when he said "rebuilding Iacon cannot begin with an execution" (they'd just thoroughly trounced Sentinel in every way, he wasn't a threat anymore, there wasn't an immediate need to kill him beyond the desire for revenge).
On the other hand, on a purely visceral level I do not have a problem with Sentinel getting ripped in half because fuck that guy lmao. Get your revenge, Dee, you deserve it.
But on the other other hand, I do believe that Orion's actions were motivated not by any desire to save Sentinel, but by concern for Dee. (I think these posts make a good point about that; it doesn't seem that Orion was even deliberately trying to sacrifice himself when he got shot, I think he just wanted to get between Dee and Sentinel so he could talk to Dee.)
But on the other other other hand, Orion really did not choose his words well in that scene. "Don't be like Sentinel" was the WORST thing he could've possibly said, all things considered. A while ago I saw a post that described it as "telling a victim they're just as bad as their abuser" and yeah, I agree with that assessment. That probably wasn't how Orion intended that to come off, but there's no way it wouldn't have sounded like that to Dee. Maybe it wouldn't have been possible to talk Dee down from killing Sentinel in that moment, but if it had been at all possible, that was definitely not the way to do it.
However, while this leads to a horrible outcome for the characters, I'm not sure it's such a bad thing for the narrative. It's painfully realistic, actually. Sometimes, people who have nothing but good intentions will say stupid, hurtful things. Sometimes, when someone is in a state where all they can feel is pain and rage, they will lash out without thinking of the consequences, and in doing so they might hurt someone they love. Obviously in the real world this does not usually involve a giant robot shooting another giant robot with a laser cannon, but that's one of the great things about sci-fi and fantasy; a laser cannon can be a metaphor for the horrors we face in real life.
Also, based on Orion's behaviour up until that point in the movie, it's pretty in-character for him to say the worst possible thing at the worst possible time to someone who is clearly suffering. You can tell he has a lot of compassion and generally means well, but that doesn't stop him from being an insensitive dick at times. And I like that. I like it when characters have Layers. (Orion and Dee both have a lot of Layers, and I am fascinated by the way some of the same personality traits manifest very differently in each of them, but that's not what this post is about, perhaps I'll ramble about that another time.)
Basically what I'm saying is:
I think Orion was both right and wrong (right about it not being necessary to kill Sentinel, and right that a public execution was a bad fucking idea; very, very wrong in the way he expressed that to Dee),
I'm not going to say Dee did nothing wrong, but I completely understand where he is coming from (and I'd be lying if I said that when he killed Sentinel there wasn't a part of my brain screaming YEAAAAH, YOU GO GIRL, RIP THAT FUCKER APART),
I think that Optimus Prime should have flaws and fuck up sometimes, because that makes him more interesting as a character, and in the case of TF1, because having him inadvertently contribute to Dee's downward spiral adds to the tragedy of it all (and I do think this movie can rightly be called a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions),
and, above all,
FUCK Sentinel Prime. Seriously, fuck that guy SO much.
#transformers#transformers one#optimus prime#orion pax#megatron#d 16#sentinel prime#spoilers#maccadam#now if you'll excuse me i have to go sit in a corner and cry over the cartoon robots yet again. everyone is welcome to join me.#in which i post#text post
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what do you think gojo would have been like if he had lived to old age? like, everybody always says that he's the one they expected would be able to live to be old. but also, he's not the most mentally stable and has a kind of unhealthy sense of self and he'd probably be immune to therapy. seems like there's a chance that if he lived old enough he would be happy and be a beloved teacher, but also a chance that he would fall off the deep end
hm, that’s an interesting question. to be completely honest with you, despite his limitless, I never pictured him to grow old. after all, the life of a sorcerer (especially on “active duty”) is known to be extremely dangerous and short, unfortunately.
this is probably worse for special grades, who are sent on the most dangerous missions on their own and the worst if you’re satoru gojo and everyone wants a piece of you. 😅
and of course he’s the strongest, but we’ve seen a couple of times that it’s not impossible to get through his limitless - that is if you prepare well enough. and once you do, he’s just flesh and bone like anyone else.
other than that, you’re right. his life style is extremely unhealthy. I mentioned that before, but it’s a miracle that he hasn’t gone completely insane at some point, considering the responsibility that comes with his powers and the lack of sleep or breaks he gets. as the strongest, he’s constantly expected to deliver 100%, which is why he literally learned to “refresh” his brain nonstop - sometimes even going as far as to destroy & heal his brain just to reset his technique.
I think the reason he dedicated himself to his young students or the next generation (aside from the trauma he received after what happened to geto & riko) is that despite his self confidence, a part of him was still aware of his own mortality, which is why he wanted to make his students as strong as possible. (side note: I really like how he advises his students to check on each other, like when he told yuta to protect the others and especially yuji. It’s what could have saved geto and he’s probably aware of that).
but to answer your initial question: I think if he had gotten the chance to grow old, he could have gotten proper rest for the first time in decades. his students are definitely strong enough to keep most things in check and probably would only consult him for the “hard cases”. now, would he be satisfied with a relaxing, peaceful life? That’s a whole different question :D
#thx for the ask :)#the timing is funny bc I was going to talk about gojo’s character conclusion next haha#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#yuta okkotsu#yuji itadori#geto suguru#☁️.blogging
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It was just like Chloe to defend Eve and give her her flowers, even after all the first woman had put the Detective through. That's just the kind of insanely good person Chloe Decker was. "Oh... I suppose I knew she was all over me, but I didn't know she confided in you about me like that. And I trust your judge of character more than I can say, but... I just don't know." And while Chloe was very well right about the first part, two things could be true at once as she continued and hit the nail on the head. Seldom had Lucifer ever felt so vindicated, but that's one way he knew she truly had his back. Maybe it was time to divulge a bit about what had happened in the parking lot after all. "Right! That's just it, Detective. She doesn't care, and she doesn't want me to care either. Back then, I suppose I didn't care, but look where that got me. She's always been Dad's favourite human, his prized creation. Whereas I'm the divine red sheep of the family. She has always been able to bat her eyes and pin her behaviour on me, and I usually just take it because neither of us knew any different. We didn't know better. We barely knew each other. That's what I've been struggling with. I think she likes the idea of me, the way I'm painted in the Silver City excites her. This rebellious bad boy, this dangerously spicy evil... I don't think she even knows who I am, Detective. I told her as much in the parking lot. She was so thrilled about the prophecy, putting you down as a bad influence in the same breath, and I know better. I just couldn't... not defend you, Detective. If I'm set to release evil into the world with Eve by my side, maybe with you, I can fight that and continue to make it a better place." That was a lot, and even more so when Chloe started to apologise. Lucifer didn't want her to have any guilt, so he'd let her bear her soul, but inside, he knew she was handling this as well as any human could, if not better. Even at her worst, Chloe Decker couldn't do anything truly unforgivable in Lucifer's eyes. "Detective, I felt so much better after we had our chat in the garage, but then Kinley and Eve... I can see it in your eyes how sorry you are... I believe you, and I accept your apology. I hope you'll accept mine too. I think, ultimately, we just have to stop letting others come between us. Because the only pain I couldn't heal from is if I lost you, Detective. I'd die for you... literally." A tear welled in his eye as he finished, fighting every ego-saving urge to look away in the interest of honesty and vulnerability with his own favourite human.
Chloe's interjection was the icebreaker Lucifer needed. Always one quick to discomfort in moments of vulnerability, he smirked at her added commentary. "Right, well there's that." He took another sip before resuming, never breaking eye contact with the Detective. "Anyway, it's all part of humanity's nasty habit to paint me as worse than I am. I can't honestly say I haven't had my moments, but... you know, I'm not the guy everyone thinks they know." He took a bite as Chloe absorbed and replied, her takes insightful and honest in a way he couldn't appreciate enough. But it was when she had her 'aha' moment about Eve, that Detective's intuition, that's when he really felt heard. "If there's any human who'd understand that, I knew it'd be you, Detective. To tell you the truth, as I always do, I think you always had an inkling. With Eve... it's complicated, and you're right. She's not a wolf, but I wouldn't call her a genuine lamb either. She's a woman who knows what she wants." Lucifer took another bite and shook his head at the notion of it being a sexcapade story. He knew how much Chloe hated those, and it genuinely wasn't one anyway. At least not completely. "No, no, Detective! It's not like that. At least not entirely. Yes, sex was a part of it then as it was now, but it's a part of me. It's the thing most people want from me. A good time. She saw me as the spice her mundanely pure life desperately needed, and she convinced me I was doing right by her. Right by myself."
Lucifer fought every urge to reach across the table as he'd continue, wanting nothing more than contact once more. That would impede their dinner time though, so he resisted and went on anyway. "At the time, I was already on the outs with my Father, my family. I was a bit... lost, I suppose. It was an act of defiance against my Dad and his creation, after Lilith was such a smashing success, but at the same time, it was just me trying to be myself. Find my place." He shifted a bit on his cushion, unsure about what he'd say next before ultimately just going for it. "A bit like now, when I was on the outs with you, I didn't think you cared about me. I thought you hated me, and I was looking for... she just has this uncanny way of showing up when I'm uncharacteristically defenseless." He paused to center himself before finishing. "Regardless, there's no excuse for treating you as poorly as I have these past eight months, even as subconscious as it was. And for that, I'm terribly sorry, Detective."
#tumblr rp#rp#roleplay#lucifer morningstar#lucifer netflix#lucifer#lucifer x chloe#lucifer x chloe decker#lucifer x detective#partners 'til the end
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remember when i said i was beginning to relate more and more to michael? well,
i think it’s easy to underestimate his character and not really understand who he is, but once you start acting like him, it gives you a new perspective in the whole of solitaire. michael is a very angry individual, i think we all know that. however, he is not portrayed like how angry characters usually are. his anger stays inside, like a lion waiting to attack. michael lives hiding a part of himself, somewhere so deep in his mind that whenever it is able to come out it becomes his worst nightmare ever. unlike most angry characters, the anger doesn’t affect the rest, it affects him.
i think this is so important to talk about, because yes, solitaire is tori’s book, but michael brings very important details to the story. i know most of the fandom likes to talk about him as a silly little guy, and that’s valid, because he also is that. my mind just won’t be at peace until we all realize a bit more how important he is.
anger will bring him down. that’s not something we can argue about, it’s the truth. and yes, it sounds silly, anger, really? that’s the thing that’s gonna bring him down? well, not exactly. anger is the first symptom of losing yourself. you start keeping all the anger to yourself, not really knowing what to do with it or why it’s becoming bigger and bigger. as this continues, you start hating, loathing every single moment of your life that doesn’t go as planned. before you even know it, you’re isolating yourself, afraid of any chance of the anger getting stronger.
if i were to show this with a scene of the book i would choose the one were michael finally explodes at tori. because at that moment, he has been trying so hard to be her friend, and attempt after attempt, she’s just been making things difficult. i say this from an objective perspective, because we know tori wasn’t in the right headspace, but that doesn’t mean michael’s wasn’t bad mentally as well. it’s what i said before, you start loathing everything that doesn’t go your way. and in this case, his friendship with tori wasn’t going his way. it’s a very hard topic to explain because i have been in both ends, mostly in michael’s, and it is extremely difficult to deal with. we know michael doesn’t have friends and probably didn’t have before either, which means he has been carrying this issue his whole life. it’s obvious he was going to explode. he keeps trying and trying and nothing goes his way. he can’t make friends to save his life, oh and look, he also failed the competition of what he is supposed to be great at, perfect!
i guess i just wanted to talk about this because as i said, feeling like this is not great. it sucks. it’s horrible to experience but so normalized as well. people like tori get talked about behind their backs. everyone has a bit of bitterness in their voice when they talk about them, spitting how being mentally ill doesn’t excuse you for being a bad person. people like michael get pitied. the people who keep a smile and don’t stop trying even when they’re dying inside. everyone feels bad for them, but no one cares enough to make a difference.
#guys i’m losing it#sorry for being depressing#and whatever this means#osemanverse#solitaire#michael holden#tori spring#sprolden#.🧃
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Hi I loved all the headcanons about SGTFOne, can we get some more MegOP hcs? (I may be just a little obsessed)
Does OP know that Megatron is having his sparkling? Or does he think that someone else in the high guard is the sire, and that’s another part of why he’s so desperate to get Megs back?
What would he do if he did get his servos on Megatron?
What do the other primes think of what’s going on? Are they aware of how much OP is sinking and try to get him to chill out, or are they in full support of him?
Does Starscream know that he and Skyfire have a sparkling?
What does the general Iacon public think of the angsty soap opera that is the MegOP situation?
I LOVED the other headcanons you wrote!!! Thank you so much for your brain coming up with all this!!
I SHALL ANSWER THEM ALL FOR YOU
There are some NSFW hcs mixed in here!
Megop hcs!:
Optimus as Orion was an oddball by the other miners. Mainly seen as an outcast by many for his reckless behavior and high desire to be 'more than what we are', D-16 was the only one to both support him and befriend him. Losing him scared him, because he was sure he'd never find such a wonderful mech like him.
They had a small relationship during their time as miners, and would go on dates on their rare day offs (usually ending with some 'fun' before recharge).
When Megatron and the high guard tried to stop Optimus and Elita from getting the people to basically destroy the city recklessly, Optimus angrily claimed Megatron was trying to defend Sentinel's actions with the high guard, and through a fit of anger Optimus immediately had them banished. It was the first time Megatron felt betrayed by Optimus, and cried the first night on the surface.
Orion was always gentle with D-16 when they slept together. Optimus is still gentle, but will occasionally go rough if Megatron tries to steer the moment to trying to end the war.
As I mentioned before, Optimus sees Megatron as a hostage of war, and thus doesn't hold back in battle, hoping to save him.
Megatron sees Optimus as someone blinded by anger and greed and wants to convince him in some way without killing anymore bots.
Whenever Optimus successfully captures Megatron, or one of the Autobots do and bring him to him, he keeps him in his private chambers and spoils him while purposefully calling him 'D-16' and not 'Megatron'. Megatron hates it.
Megatron does not know about the bust, and Megatronus will not tell him either for his sake. Optimus is the only living mech that knows of it, and will keep it that way for life.
This is based off of a SG story that I skimmed over when going over sg Cliffjumper's story (world-building purposes, I can't find it anymore) - the first time Optimus ever actually got Megatron in his hold was by Cliffjumper successfully brainwashing him to obediently follow Optimus's command. He was 'happy' until Bee killed Cliffjumper, freeing Megatron from the brainwashing and helping him escape safely. This is also what caused Bee to get his first 'strike'.
The second time Optimus gets Megatron is when he finds him injured during a surprise Quint attack, to which he made sure he was nursed back to health, while also keeping him locked on the table. He was found by Skywarp and Starscream and brought back to their base eventually.
Optimus doesn't know that Megatron is carrying his sparkling for a long time. When he first heard about it during a stealth mission to find Megatron again (spying on the Decepticons), he did think it was one of the High guards. He thought the worst, and immediately believed it was Starscream, before quickly hearing he was in fact, the sire.
Optimus believes that Megatron and his sparkling are now being treated worse because of the existence of a Prime's sparkling, and thus grows more dangerous in battle as a warning to the Decepticons, and demands they return Megatron to him.
Megatron surrenders himself when he finds out Optimus is getting out of control, and hopes that this sparkling will bring peace in some way.
Megatron is much more emotionally sensitive pregnant, and will cry at the littlest of things. Someone bumped into him by accident? A fountain. He dropped some energon? A puddle at his feet. He starts feeling the sparkling move in him? A fucking flood. Optimus coddles him so much more though.
A massive Quint attack caused them to separate, and in that time, Megatron decided it to follow the high guard back to the surface to help Optimus and stop the Quints for good. Optimus misinterprets that as Megatron getting stolen by the high guard, leading to more misunderstandings that it hurts.
Extra hcs that aren't Megop related:
Because this is sg but still following the original storyline, the primes themselves hold some form of twisted desires of their own. The one who holds the matrix encourages this behavior depending on the holder, which right now is OP. Liege encourages his silver tongue attitude to keep the people under his obedience. Prima helps him find patience in order to strike down any enemy with enough force that they, and anyone who gets to witness it, learn not to mess with him. Alpha Trion will guide his thought process to make more powerful plans to leave a large amount of damage to the Quints. Megatronus is also affected by it when he appears through the matrix, sometimes encouraging Optimus to show no mercy in battle.
Starscream did not know about Skyfire being sparked, mainly because Skyfire suddenly disappeared one day without anyone knowing. Only during his rescue mission did he find Skyfire, and learned about the sparkling. He was tempted to stay, and Skywarp was willing to let him leave for their child, but when they got caught and Starscream nearly got shot by Rachet, he quickly rejected and escaped for safety.
Starscream will occasionally sneak into Iacon with Skywarp's ability to visit Skyfire and spend some time together. He understands Skyfire's decision, and will not stop him from raising their sparkling in the city, if only because of better resources, but only asks that their child does not grow up and forced to pick a side. This war is theirs, and theirs to die with, not to pass on.
To Iacon, the high guard are traitors that seek to ruin them like how Sentinel did, and forced Megatron to join their side when Optimus became Prime because they were 'savage mechs that desired power and greedy bastards', and knew of their relationship when they were on the surface. (OP's words)
Some Autobots don't buy that story, and will actively try to kill Megatron because of Primus's conscious desire to kill Megatron.
And thank you! I always love it when I meet people who want to know more!
#ask#transformers#shattered glass#tfone#tfone megatron#tfone optimus#tfone elita#tfone b 127#tfone starcream#tfone d 16#tfone orion pax#megatron#optimus prime#elita#b 127#d 16#orion pax#skywarp#skyfire#megop#skystar#cliffjumper#sg starscream#sg skyfire#sg megatron#sg optimus prime#megatronus#prima prime#liege maximo#alpha trion
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so…somehow topaz is not only managing to embody “rampant capitalist” but also “insidious colonizer”???
like babe maybe try not launching an armed alien invasion of their home threatening to extract every single resource of potential value. or like. dumping a 700yr old debt on a planet that has been entirely isolated for most of that.
hey speaking of how it’s been 700 years since this supposed loan was made—why are you sweeping in to demand hundreds of years of interest on a loan you didn’t care enough to collect more than 400 years ago…conveniently AFTER you decided that maybe there was something to exploit here after all?
like goddamn when they announced “topaz and numby” i thought the pig was supposed to be NUMBY and yet Here We Are
#moi#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr topaz#topaz & numby#capitalism is capitalism i guess#the worst part is i can’t even tell if they meant for her to come off like such a straight up cunt?#like it feels like they’re trying to spin it like ‘oh well she’s just doing her job and trying to help—‘ uhh no#one does not waltz in after not lifting a finger to help just to extract what little wealth this planet has#‘the IPC may seem heartless and cruel’ YEAH BECAUSE IT IS. ITS LITERALLY A HEARTLESS CORPORATION#THAT HAS CANONICALLY ENGAGED IN UNETHICAL BUSINESS PRACTICES#‘oh well oh my home planet outside corporations fucked up the environment massively and people were suffering—#BUT THEN THE IPC SAVED THE DAY! and all it cost was signing your life over to a faceless corporation that doesn’t give a shit about you :)’#WHO DO YOU THINK FUCKED UP THE ENVIRONMENT TO BEGIN WITH?????#‘so i’ve decided to be gracious and kind and FORGIVE your planets (cough supposed) debts…#…provided you sign your entire planet’s population to my glorious corporation.’#‘(and if you don’t agree to these terms then we will take your planet by force and extract every ounce of wealth)’#like HELLO???????#this whole situation is manipulative as hell
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Quin moved to the end of the bed, his feet touched the ground, and he held his head in his hands, pressing his fingers against his pounding temples. He had anticipated Beau telling Cesare, but he hadn’t thought Cesare could contain himself with the knowledge. Why had he held onto it so long? Quin had to poke and prod to get him to admit it. Was he just never going to say anything about it? If Cesare had known this entire time, then he knew when he told his father and Maximus he still planned to marry Quin. But how could he even want to marry him after knowing all this? There were missing parts of Quin, parts of himself that were taken from him. He was ruined. Quin laughed bitterly and desperately, his stomach heaving as his body went against his control of it. He moved to wrap his arms around his stomach, tears brimming as he laughed and laughed and laughed. “I don’t care about what happened between you and Beau in that room.” At one point, he had, but it paled in comparison to Cesare knowing the truth.
He wiped the wetness from his eyes and stood up from the bed. He dragged a fur blanket with him, covering his upper body. Quin leaned against the wall opposite Cesare’s bed, then dragged his gaze up from the floor to meet his. “It’s only fair you know the truth,” He said softly, tilting his head back until he hit the wall. “And yes, I imagine Beau wasn’t kind about it. When I was…” Quintus inhaled, closing his eyes for a moment, “When I outgrew my uncle’s taste, he found Beau to replace me so he could have a younger version of me. Though I suspect Beau was too malleable for his tastes. His favorite thing has always been the fight, and I was too young and weak ever to win.”
“You know the worst part about it?” Quin kicked off of the wall, cutting the distance between them in half. He stopped at Cesare’s desk, tilting a hip against it. “I thought I could endure it while my father and Maximus were at war. I was alone in that castle with him, and I took it; I swallowed it down because I didn’t have any other choice. I was twelve years old when it first happened. No one was there to help me anyway, but then they came back with you along with them, and I thought, ‘thank gods this is it’. I wouldn’t have to suffer any longer.”
Quin sighed, shaking his head. He slashed his arm across the top of the desk, sending the pitcher of mead and the tray of food crashing to the floor. “I was a fucking fool to think that would make a difference. Having them back in the castle made it worse and made him more determined. I suffered at his hands for years, and no one noticed. I was a child coming to breakfast hungover and limping, and no one noticed. Not my father, not my brother, not you.” He gripped the edge of the desk until his fingers turned white, until they ached as he ached inside for years. “The only thing that stopped him was time, and when he no longer possessed the ability to hunt me in my bed chambers, he went after my parents and then my brother and I.”
“Beau will never be free, Cesare,” Quin said softly. “Just like I will never be free. He will always hold the pieces he took from us. I know you think you can save us. I know you want to save us, but we will never recover what he took from us. Even if he is dead, there will still be days where having hands on me makes my skin crawl and itch. There will still be nights when I dream of his weight and breath on me, and I wake up sick. His hands have permanently tainted me, and it isn’t something that I come back from.”
He pulled the blanket tighter around himself, wishing it would swallow him whole. “You deserve someone whole, and I know you won’t do it because you think you owe me something or because you pity me now that you know, but I don’t expect you to go through with marrying me. I wouldn’t if I were you, and to save your reputation with my brother, I will take the heat and call it off so you aren’t the bad guy. Just…” He sucked in a breath, feeling a knot in the center of his throat. “Please don’t tell Max what he did to me. It will kill him, and I can’t… I can’t,” Quin’s breath puffed out between the words, his chest heaving with movement. “I can’t have him know.”
Cesare felt the air around him still and chill in the same stroke. His eyes narrowed on Quin and all the alcohol he'd drank felt as though it evaporated through every pore on his body. In that moment he couldn't understand the man's tone but he felt the rigidiness just the same. He hadn't done anything wrong. Not really. Had Beau confused him for a few moments? Yes. But nothing more had come of that. And once the prince found out who he was and what he was doing, it wasn't difficult to deduce the rest. But clearly Quintus wasn't ready or willing to do that yet and he'd have to explain in a way that didn't seem as though he were trying to defend the other to him. Wasn't he just the one being made to be made?
"I don't think it's difficult to understand that someone in his line of work." He paused, staring pointedly at the other for a moment before he continued. "Don't always receive the best treatment. And knowing the man that was pulling his strings." Which was partly a lie. Cesare didn't know their uncle well. Or, as well as he'd thought he had. In all the years he'd ventured to the castle in Vivec alone and in his father's tow, he'd never had Richard treat him poorly. The odd comment here and there, with more frequency as he'd grown closer to Quin, but never would he have guessed he was a power hungry man, hell bent on dethroning his own nephews at any cost. "I didn't think it was such a jump to assume that some of what has happened with you may also have happened with him." His brow raised and he sighed out, not ready to admit the next part. "Because you do look similiar enough that I imagine whatever he he wanted to say or do to you he often took out on Beau instead when the opportunity didn't present itself with you."
The prince stretched himself out on his bed, leaning back against the headboard. There it is. The soft, fuzzy feeling of the meade found him again and he breathed out slowly. "You've never told me the extent of what happened with ... Richard." He started, crossing his ankles over each other and his hands folded over and laid against his lap. It was hard to hear that name in his own voice. Until that moment he was fairly certain they'd never uttered his name between themselves. But the threat was very real and not using his name made it feel like he was bigger than they, and that simply could never be in Cesare's opinion. "Beau wasn't kind when he said it." He started, his fingers itching to dig into anything to make this less painful to speak about, less painful to watch Quintus' face when he'd finally gotten it out. "But I started putting it together. The way you don't like to be touched and how you're constantly on top of everything and everyone." He gave a slight shake of his head because honestly this did nothing but show just how strong this man on the bed was to him. And should be to everyone. "He only confirmed the missing piece that I'd been guessing at."
Cesare's tongue swiped along his lips to keep them from drying out completely. "Please don't take my kindness towards him as anything but that." He swallowed hard and fought himself on what he was about to say next but he thought better than to hide it. "When I first came upon Beau in what were suppose to be your quarters I couldn't be sure it was you. The room was too dark." The contents of his stomach churned and he felt odd enough to shift his weight. "He shared a kiss or two but nothing more than that." His cheeks instantly flared to the bright redness of coals and he found himself wanting to sink completely into the mattress. "I realized he wasn't you and threatened him within an inch of his life to get me to you and when that didn't work." He sighed and shrugged again. "I just tried to treat him like a person." He paused, seeing the snide comment coming quick but he cut Quin off before it could be made. "He wants to live. Free. Just like you and I. Just like everyone else. I couldn't imagine the sort of life one leads pretending to be someone else. Never having anything that is truly your own." Cesare gave a slight shake of his head and breathed out through his nose. "I just didn't want to be the sort of person that sees someone in a bad position regardless of their own involvement and not do anything to help. I've never been that way and I won't start now." He was firm on that whether Quin liked it or not. He could only hope his honesty didn't cost him everything else in the process.
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reminiscing on when i was playing end.walker and got through all the heartwarming scenes before boarding the ragnarok andnh then they justj killed th.ancred instantly
#lem text#🌊#xivposting#IT S SO FUNNY. ***HOW*** COULD THEY DO THAT TO ME#THW WORST PART ABOUT IT IS. I DON’T THINK I EVER TALKED ABOUT IT ????#BUT THERES A LITTLE SCENE WHERE ONE OF THE SCIONS KNOCKS ON YOUR DOOR AT NIGHT AND YOU GET TO PICK WHO IT IS. TO HAVE A SCENE WITH#AND (duh obviously i picked him) TH.ANCRED BASICALLY TELLS YOU. HEY. WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT I DON’T KNOW-#IF I’LL BE IN THE RIGHT MINDSET TO SAVE MYSELF. SO CAN I COUNT ON YOU TO DO THAT FOR ME? ANDB FIRST OF ALL IT GOT ME SO BAD#AND SECOND OF ALL **I CANT BELIEVEB THEY FOLLOW IT UP WITH HIM DYING IMMEDIATLEYNBkfneknfjkebnf#ALSO ALSO TJENNFKhf wknfkwbf. AT THE LAST STAND. ONE OF THE DIALOGUE OPTIONS YOU CAN SAY TO HIM#IS ‘we’ll make it through this. together.’ AND I WAS LIKE OH RUDY /WOULD/ SAY THAT :’). AND TJKENDN THEY FUCKJGNgnfbekfnke#i never even posted my ew thoughts ramble oug.. it was basically just me losing my mind over ultima thule n talking about story pacing. <3#final f.antasy fourteen sucks [second favorite game in the entire world] i can’t stand it [i would do anything for its characters ever]#anyway sorry echoes in the distance came on and it activated all of my emotions. TT i lovw this game i love this game i love this g
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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girls who slam themselves in the 3x meta psychic prison. mutuals my mother straight up does not love or see or understand me and never did. when the pain is unending 😍
ok yeah. i wasn’t going to write about it bc it’s deeply embarrsssing on multiple levels but like. i watched the childhood video tapes. except i couldn’t get the one from the first 2 months of my sister’s and my life(s) to work so i watched one from when we were 4 and our brother was less than a year old. and mutuals… in SO many of the clips she’s filming him and only him trying to get him to bounce and shit snd i ask for her to turn the camera on me so she can see me dancing or i can show her the picture i drew for her or ask her a question or share a thought and like… yes i was an annoying feisty bossy attention seeking 4 year old with a horrible bowl cut. but i was 4. and i just wanted my mom to listen to me and look at me. and she was dismissive to me in the videos like not outright cruel but exasperated with me for constantly trying to stick my head into the shot and asking for her attention. and when she would say “not now tess” or “tess you’re blocking him” etc etc i apologized for it and that part was sad too. idk. all of it was sad. i knew watching this shit that i was probably gonna stir stuff up which would be dangerous esp bc i don’t have therapy until the end of the month and i did stir things up just in watching the documented footage of it. i wish it was safe to post some of it on here bc it’s genuinely… like i feel like i don’t get to say it was sad bc i was being annoying and attention seeking but it’s sad.
on top of that.. i couldn’t get the vcr to play shit on my laptop bc i didn’t have the right equipment for it so i had to play it on the tv. and my whole family eventually caught on to me watching it and have watched clips of it with me now. and that’s just so complicated. bc they’re all adding their commentary about it too and im letting them and inviting them bc i don’t know how to set boundaries. and my mom… god. my mom is DOUBLING DOWN on exactly the same stuff she said in the video when we were FOUR YEARS OLD. saying that my sister and i got to be filmed so much when we were babies and now it’s our brother’s turn. and i get that. i really do. i know i got attention when i was a baby and i can’t deny that. i know it wouldn’t have been fair or healthy or whatever to neglect him in favor of me / us. but also… i was FOUR!!!!! i was too little to understand what the politics of attention meant. and it just kind of fucking sucks that she’s holding that against me NOW too (as she said multiple times today / tonight) like saying scornfully that i was always so jealous of him and she doesn’t understand why i needed attention so badly since i never had undivided attention in the first place as a twin. like… i was a little kid. what did you expect me to do just like magically not need attention anymore and understand that the baby gets all the attention and go busy myself somewhere. idk. i feel entitled / selfish for saying it WHICH IS THE WHOLE PROBLEM like that video tape literally documents whatever mental issues i have now emerging… like me learning that i wasn’t important anymore and that when i sought attention i was just getting in the way and being annoying. lol
AND…. on top of all of this… sitting down with my mom and siblings and showing the videos and laughing over it and inviting their laughter even though it hurts to watch and it hurts to laugh at it and to hear them laughing… my mom’s focus in WATCHING these videos 20 years later is almost ENTIRELY on my brother!!!!!!! STILL!!!!! like the whole reason i had the clips i had was to… idk. trace the genesis of my mental illness and she wasn’t even paying attention to that she was just cooing over my brother. and when i told her why i was watching these / attempted to point out the patterns she got exasperated with me for overanalyzing everyrhing and navel gazing etc etc to an unhealthy degree. i fucking give up lol
it feels stupid selfish etc etc to be spiraling abt this and i usually don’t make long multi paragraph posts but like. god. this was a mistake. i never should’ve done this. it happened with the whole coming out day snapchat story thing too among other episodes. every time i dig up a thing from the past that she did that hurt me and try to explain it in retrospect she never changes her tune or comforts me or expresses any understanding or anything. she just doubles down on what she said / did before that hurt me so bad and it hurts me all over again. it could’ve been so much worse and the experience of adjusting to having a new sibling is universal and not a big deal in the slightest but it was a big deal for me. i so clearly took it hard and needed attention from my fucking mom!!! and that wound is still raw and now ive ripped it wide open again. scared little girl moment
#purrs#delete later#like. i think the worst part is just… there is no one coming to save me. i am never ever ever going to get the comfort i needed back. it can#only come from a parent and both of my parents are emotionally unavailable and think im being ridiculous. and now i am an adult and im#supposed to be able to comfort myself or not even need comfort at all but i just need a hug. i can’t comfort myself out of this. no one i#know now or will ever know in the future can comfort me out of this. it has to come from a parent and mine don’t understand. so im just#in the psychic prison. like what a spectacular failure that just was. tfw you are denied catharsis from one of the most consistent painful#threads of your life and you have to cope with that but you have 1.5 hrs of podcasts to listen to and a 3 page paper to write and#work tomorrow and no therapy until late september 😻👍
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Me BSing hcs like: The fact that Kae is not only able to create a shield when he is dangerously low HP but also the fact that he is able to regenerate HP when he hits opponents with Frostgnaw is definitely due to him receiving his Vision when Diluc had tried to kill him in their Confrontation...but could it be possible that his familial ties to the Abyss Order could have influenced that HP drain of his-
#//And that's without mentioning the fact that Glacial Waltz's duration increases FOR EVERY OPPONENT DEFEATED#//Between that and his lil teleporting trick like an Abyss mage's (minus the flurries of ice); I have SO many thinkings#//Deffo love the abilities of his being an amalgam of Vision based and Abyssal energy imbued#//Deffo love that fact meaning it hurts a bit to use his Vision at all; esp with the teleporting being such a Staple to his combat style#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Sidetracking a bit; but I also like to think that even after the Abyss is defeated/beaten back enough to not be such a threat; he'd still#keep his abilities from it/some connection to it. Bc he's so used to it being such a big PART of his fighting style/assets to use in a pinc#//But also bc keeping that connection means it'd help him keep track of any remnants of the Order far easier#//He could track them down with far more ease; sense if they are growing stronger; get intel from Domains/abyssal traces#//Of course being very mindful to keep it a secret & trying to not involve his loved ones/fellow knights of it all#//But he very much is careful esp bc of risks of him being corrupted by it; keeping a keen eye on his mental/physical/emotional states#//Deffo has plans to leave Mond and/or end his own life if he starts seeing the Abyssal corruption affecting him irreversibly#suicide mention tw#//Kind of but also kind of not; considering some of the ways how he'd go abt it#//Knows it'd be harder to the further it goes; so he has particular criteria he keeps tracks of to ensure if they come to pass#//he; in a clearer state of mind; would either 1) use his Vision to try & purge the energy out of himself (extremely painful; COULD kill#if the corruption runs deep enough & save him the trouble) or 2) use the aggressiveness of the corruption to provoke someone (esp Luc)#into taking care of him &thus ending the problem all together. Bc he KNOWS he's strong; only a handful of beings could actually kill him#//& actually be WILLING to; without hesitation. Luc comes to mind first bc of their Confrontation. But also bc Kae'd be happy w him being#the last person he ever sees. Thinks it'd be comforting more than anyone else. Esp since a lover would just break his heart to see them#//Worst case scenario is him falling to the corruption & sb breaking it out of him in the moment#//Bc the Instant he realizes what's happening; esp if they are crying and/or angered at him; he WILL fatally wound himself#//And make SURE it's not something he can come back from; save by a miracle (or 'curse' as he'd see it)#//Probably making an icicle and slitting his own throat; if not jamming the thing into his heart#//he won't hesitate; wont offer explanations; final words or apologies; he cant risk that moment of clarity being too short for it#//he HAS to make sure he can't hurt anyone any further; no matter what it means for him#//Which is partly why he'd be so keen to make sure it's not found out; bc he KNOWS he can be talked out of keeping those abilities#//Or worse; he'd fight them on it; and thus make for a fucken MESS in the aftermath if he's been too far along in the corruption#//But he KNOWS that even with the risks; the powers are a VALUABLE asset to him; &thus desperately wants to keep them#//'sidetracking a bit'; I said. Proceed to write a wHOLE FUCKEN NEW HC IN TAGS; I did; kjfbgkftg. Whoops lmao
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gnaws on wood
#crazy how religious trauma just got me fucked up for life lmao#and I still live with the same people who instilled that fear inside me so that's fun on a daily basis#I try my fuckign best to navigate my life and stay positive I can literally be having the best day and all it takes is one little thing-#like how is that fun for you? to sit and tell ur family members that they're gonna go to hell the end of the world is upon us#'you aren't gonna be able to live your life fully anyways just come to church and get saved then you can at least get into heaven' I JUST#I AM ABOUT TO START GOING INSANE#I need to find a way out of here but god damn I can't even find a job rn like ugfhfghfsghgfhfg god I'm trying to stay strong so bad I am#crazy how people think they're helping you when really they're the ones pushing you further into insanity#not to mention the fact that I believe Christianity probably caused me to be so fucked mentally starting at a young age#then the fucking job thing like even then I need accommodations since I'm fucking epileptic like UGGFHFGHFGHFGHFG#It will all be okay and I believe that truly I just needed to yell and scream into the void thanks#man the worst part is the fear mongering gets to me after while and I think well damn they're probably right huh#hayden.txt
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