#like. i am not One of The Good Ones. transphobes would hate me even if i were

[punkitt-is-here]

I went back, read the FAQ, figured out I was working with bad information, and would like to present an actually polite version of the previous ask.

The other women you were having the "AFAB trans woman" debate with haven't been able to let go of it,

because anons have been accusing them of gatekeeping and TERF politics for providing anecdotes of, basically, AFAB people identifying as trans women to mock or overthrow their social groups. Citations below:

https://strawberry-crocodile.tumblr.com/post/742523159739334656/aita-for-warning-new-transfem-friends-that-someone

https://necronatural.tumblr.com/post/754196456131428352/sorry-but-if-youre-afab-you-do-not-get-to-call

I understand that the brazen, all-caps-bold-text mockery of any ask on this topic is great for driving off hateful anons pointed at you,

but if you could lend some credit to @patricia-taxxon 's responses, for example, it'd help take some hate off her back and really hep build my respect for you as an artist.

This will be likely my last proper response on any of this so be chill about it

I really, genuinely do not care that much about this subject much at all. It is a passing thought to me. I made the original post, responded once or twice, and made a quesadilla. it was fucking delicious. I do not appreciate the way you have talked to me. If you're going to treat yourself like someone I have to earn the respect back of instead of a random stranger on the internet who was very brazen to me in a one-off inbox message, I am not going to care.

With that out of the way: I have read the citations you have listed. I do not care. I have read them, thoroughly considered their points, and I still do not give a shit. What you are pointing at here in the first one is an individual perpetrating shitty behavior. I am not saying that this is the case, but if there was an assigned-male-at-birth woman perpetrating the same information, it would become very apparent very quickly how obvious it is that the issue is not with their gender identity, it is with the information they are spreading. Anyone is capable of misinformation, and I am not going to shit on and belittle a completely niche gender identity because one woman on the internet fucked up one time. If I did that, I'd be a hypocrite and would not be practicing any sort of good faith towards people with gender identities I do not fully understand. This is a core tenant of how I approach queerness. I do not need to understand someone to respect them. I do not need to worry about how conservatives will see us. I do not need to worry about the larger queer community when one person is being off-putting. I am not a fucking square. I achieve a lot of inner peace by simply practicing what you have named "tits-and-beer gender liberalism".

The second post you have linked is also something that I have read. I have considered the points in said post. My stance has still not changed. I do not think ID'ing as a transfeminine person when you were assigned female at birth is an inherently transphobic concept. Plenty of people in my notes have described experiences that very clearly and understandably outline why they do or why others might identify with the concept. I fundamentally disagree with the response because I do not believe that it is a transphobic idea. I am a transgender woman and have been for about half a decade now. My relationship with femininity is complex, and I am a binary transgender woman. I think in the grand scheme of gender identities, switching from one binary to the other has been pretty easy for me mentally. I am not intersex, I have never detransitioned in any way, and my family has been incredibly supportive. I transitioned specifically for the euphoria I got from identifying as a woman. I still have a complicated relationship with womanhood. Someone who has gone through many more hardships than I have is probably going to have an even more complicated relationship with femininity, and that is why I have no trouble imagining why something like an AFAB trans woman would exist. Perhaps someone has a complicated relationship with gender in relation to their intersex status and feels that the journey that transgender women take more closely aligns with their own rather than cisgender womanhood. Perhaps they are non-binary and have still transitioned to a more feminine-leaning identity. Perhaps they have de-transitioned, but now they are irreversibly changed by that experience and they are, in a way of thinking, "trans-feminine" because they are transitioning back to femininity. It is not hard for me to think of reasons. It is not saying that trans women are not real women. I think it is very clear to me that "transfem" can easily describe an experience with femininity that differs from the cisgender experience. It is no less valid, it is simply different, as with all things.

"Transfem" can mean "a man transitioning into a woman", but it can also describe a complex approach towards self-identification. We can argue semantics all we want, but I do not care personally. I do not think transfem means transitioning from man to woman exclusively. I am a binary transgender woman, and I do not agree that that is all it is. My journey as a transgender individual has been very uncomplicated compared to others, but it is still an ocean deep. I do not want to reduce that journey and identification down to a simple "man become woman" because that betrays the inherent complexity of transitioning and figuring out yourself.

Ultimately, to me, it comes down to not giving a shit. I am rarely, if ever, going to meet an AFAB transfem person. You are rarely, if ever, going to meet an AFAB transfem person. It is an incredibly niche gender identity with a lot of baggage, as we have seen. It is never going to matter in the broad scheme of things that they exist because 99% of people are not going to bring them up in the wider conversation about transfemininity. I know that finding your identity can be a rough, arduous process. I am not going to deprive someone of the joy of self-discovery, even if it is a complex or contradictory idea. I do not fully understand neopronouns. I do not fully understand things like polyamory or he/him lesbians or AFAB transfems. I do not need to. In real life, you hang out with people and share food and good times together. None of this shit matters. If I am ever so lucky to meet someone with a contradictory or confusing identity, I am happy that my words may provide them comfort and that they won't live to hide themselves around me. Making someone feel like they have to hide parts of their self is the last thing I would ever want anyone to experience.

I have no beef with Patricia. I quite like her work. When I saw her response, I disagreed. I still do. I am not going to start agreeing with an idea I am expressly opposed to because someone asked. But it is not the end of the world. I would appreciate, if my followers are sending her harassment, that they fucking stop, because it's not that big a deal. If anyone from my post is sending anyone hate because of a public disagreement on that post, I ask you kindly to stop and go outside. I do not condone the behavior. It is not that big a deal.

I am going to go make myself a ham and egg sandwich and practice tits and beer gender liberalism now. I hope this satisfies your request in some way.

[mythalism]

i think what people need to understand is that no amount of essays assuring me of veilguard's strengths, of which i agree there are plenty, is going to change the fact that the emotional experience veilguard prompted within me (and for many others) while i played it was a deeply negative one. discomfort at best, painful at worst. im talking stomach aches. visceral, somatic creeping disappointment and dread that i tried to fight for hours and hours but eventually had no choice but to accept. i stopped wanting to play entirely around 30 hours. i felt vaguely ill. i felt anxious. i could not sleep for a few days. and im not saying i felt sick because it was so bad, but that i felt sick because of the sinking realization that i was about to be terribly, horribly disappointed after so, so long. you could call me dramatic and im sure someone will. idk what to tell you. my emotions manifest physically long before they become decipherable or understandable to me mentally, especially when they're 10 years in the making. probably an autism symptom. regardless, it was genuinely pretty awful, especially because i had immense good faith for this game. i was so hopeful and optimistic and generally thrilled and literally anyone who followed me before october 31 would know that. the emotional whiplash and crash was intense and devastating, and i was reeling for days. you cannot tell me that this experience was "wrong" or "toxic" due to it's negative nature. it was entirely involuntary and outside of my control, as i would expect many people's joy was. emotional reactions are not beholden to fandom discourse.

any post i have made criticizing the game since is attempt to make sense of the emotional roller-coaster of the past 10 years, this summer, and finally this game's release. i do not come on here and write out my criticisms of veilguard because i want YOU to dislike it too. the nature of my essays are not persuasive. if they do persuade you its just because i am a well-trained essayist. sorry. if they dont, great! that wasnt the point. i have no desire to change anyone's mind on the game, in fact i actually would not wish the disappointment i felt on anyone. the fact that i have a lot of followers who agree with what i say and who spread the thoughts i express across tumblr is literally out of my control. when i write out my long-winded criticisms, it is out of a need to express and externalize that sinking, cold feeling i had while playing, in pursuit of understanding exactly why playing that game felt that way to me. identifying, analyzing and verbalizing is the only way i have been able to process my experience. its confessional and therapeutic more than anything. it helps other people understand their own difficult emotional process with the game. its not an attempt to ruin your fun. my negative experience with veilguard does not invalidate anyone else's positive one.

i see so many posts acting like all criticism is an intentional, targeted hate campaign and i dont understand that assumption. to what ends? what would that achieve? why would i bother with such a thing? maybe that is some people's intention in the deep hater corners of this website, and im blissfully unaware. if it is, fuck them. its certainly the intention of annoying grifters, but i feel the distinction between transphobe grifters and devastated fans is pretty clear, so im not sure why the lines are deliberately blurred as if those groups are remotely similar. some of my criticisms come from a more objective place. the writing comes to mind, and it's a consistent criticism from thousands of players. but just because i consider it to be poorly executed, does not make it unlovable. and when i say that i think its poorly done, i am not saying that you cannot or should not love it, or that you are stupid for loving it. maybe someone out there is saying that!!! but i am not. things do not have to be perfect to be enjoyable. they dont even have to be well executed to be enjoyable. "i think x aspect of veilguard is poorly done for yz reasons" is a completely different sentence than "you should not like x aspect of veilguard for yz reasons". these are not the same statements. i see so many posts that are so vitriolic and acting like two experiences of this game cannot coexist, that one has to win and be objectively right, moralizing them on a false axis of positivity = good and negativity = bad, and acting like the existence of one negates the experience of the other. and why? why would that be true? i literally love so many things that other people think are absolute ass. i also love plenty of things that i myself think are actual ass. i love them anyway. this is allowed and really fun. i am not sure who told you that it is not.

however, i have just as much of a right to express my disappointment as you have to express your excitement. i am genuinely happy for everyone who loves the game, i am glad it resonated, or that you saw yourself in its characters, or that it just scratched your hyperfixation itch. but whatever je ne se quoi it had for you, it did not have for me. i have written out so much criticism about so many aspects of the game, but fundamentally what it comes down to and what i cannot express in words is that while i played after waiting 10 years for that moment, it felt wrong. it wasn't that i had specific expectations for game story that were not met, in fact, it exceeded my expectations in a lot of ways. i mean that in terms of how i felt, something was off. it did not resonate. it did not land. it did not hit the right cord with me. i did not have enough moments of joy to outweigh the feeling of emptiness. i did not walk away from it feeling the way that the previous games made me feel. and ive been trying to figure out exactly why that is for three months now by talking about it with people who feel similarly. i am not sure that i will ever be able to analyze my way into figuring it out. it might just have to simply be that it left me bereft.

and so my posts are not anti-veilguard hater propaganda to make you feel like shit for loving the game. rather, they are me verbally processing exactly why i feel like shit so i can hopefully stop feeling like shit. to assume that people who are trying to process these negative feelings are toxic and intentionally malicious is a projection made in bad faith. i love dragon age, and it is because i love it so much that it disappointed me, and it is because disappointed me that i have to verbally process it on tumblr.com so that i dont go absolutely insane. i tag my posts properly. i do not go into tags where i do not belong. i do not rage-bait. i am participating in post-partum dragon age therapy between me and my followers. if it ends up on your dash, sorry. my therapy is popular i guess. so please for the love of god enjoy the game, freely and enthusiastically. i am happy for you. i will sit here and be jealous that it spoke to something in your soul that it unfortunately did not speak to in mine, and nothing i say can take that away from you. please stop interpreting it as an attempt to.

[genderqueerdykes]

hey anon saying "my abuser was a trans man so trans men hate trans women" I just want you to know I'm a transmasc person who was literally abused horrifically on the basis of sharing a similar pronoun and gender identity to my then-girlfriend's ex. she used the abuse of an entirely unrelated person as an excuse to insinuate I never respected her and would regularly scream at me and even invalidated my trauma over a relative dying using her own trauma.

she also, unsurprisingly, was a rampant transandrophobe, calling me horrible and transmisogynistic because I challenged her as a trans woman over saying blatantly transphobic things about trans men and transmascs (myself included).

because it was never about truth, it was about being on top and being the most inconvenienced and being in control of the conversation of suffering (this went beyond us fighting over my gender).

think why you feel that way, that you need sole dictation over the conversation and can't let anyone else breathe their words about experiences that may challenge how you feel, anon

if I were to do what she did, and say I was uncomfortable with trans women because they can be abusive, I would rightfully be ripped limb from limb for the transmisogynistic notion that trans women are remotely a monolith or are abusive based solely on my experience

but I guess trans men aren't owed that same equivalence. they are forced to live a double standard there. because you don't respect us enough for it. why is that.

"because it was never about truth, it was about being on top and being the most inconvenienced and being in control of the conversation of suffering,"

"if I were to do what she did, and say I was uncomfortable with trans women because they can be abusive, I would rightfully be ripped limb from limb for the transmisogynistic notion that trans women are remotely a monolith or are abusive based solely on my experience"

i had to highlight these bits in particulare because good god you worded this so perfectly. i am so sorry you have had this experience but you knocked the ball so far out of the park that i am genuinely in awe of how well you conveyed this, and how absolutely fucked peoples' double standards are when it comes to abuse and how people think that trans men and mascs have it "so much easier in life". you're dead on the money. NONE of this has to do with talking about oppression and looking out for one another.

this behavior is about control.

it's about controlling the narrative. some people literally get so insecure when the conversation turns away from them for even a moment, they think it means that everyone is their enemy. yes, trans women have an absolutely awful time in cisheternormative society. so do trans men.

i have been emotionally and sexually abused and harassed by 3 separate trans women. one of which struck me with an object, another who stole something out of my purse while i was asleep and continuously kept trying to get in my pants after she found out i had a vagina despite me repeatedly turning her down, and another who mocked me for my psychotic episodes and repeatedly swore up and down that i didn't have DID and just in general gaslit and emotionally abused the fuck out of me. the woman who hit me also constantly kept insinuating that penises are what make a man a man, and would not stop making me feel bad for not having a biopenis.

once everyone found out i had a vag, suddenly, i was a cishet woman in their house and i was public enemy #1. i had to deal with my cis gay male roommate shrieking about how he's gay, boobs and vaginas are disgusting, he's a MAN attracted to MEN. meanwhile, my ex girlfriend (the one who hit me) made me feel like shit for being a man without a penis almost every single day. she would guilt trip me about how she missed being with partners with biopenises and would spend all day telling me that she loved me, but then would turn around and scream and yell at me and tell me that i'm an evil asshole.

the transandrophobia i have had to deal with at the hands of other trans women has been absolutely fucking staggering. we need to stop fostering a culture where this is okay because it's genuinely getting people hurt. like you said, if a transmasc were to say "i hate trans women, they're all mean and shitty and abusive," they would literally be torn limb from fucking limb. and rightfully so, because it's a dogshit thing to say. but we HAVE to start telling people who do this to trans men to fuck OFF and stop it.

i am very sorry you went through that. i hope things improve for you, and that you're able to spend time in company that treats you with respect. nobody should have to deal with literal profiling just because of their gender.

is that what we're doing now? profiling people based off of their gender? how is that progressive? how is that liberating? how is that trans rights? it ain't.

[wisteria-lodge]

What are your thoughts on those who believe hp fans (fan writers, artists, and appreciators alike) should leave the fandom sphere in favor of not giving JKR any “support” even if one does not share her views, as opposed to consuming fan content (or even the original media) while understanding the separation between art from artist (even if that can’t truly be 100% done, as HP is JKR, though that is another discussion entirely)?

I can only answer for myself, but I guess I would say - I'm a teacher, IRL. And my students, they know about Harry Potter, they know the property, they grew up with the movies, they read Harry Potter fanfiction, and... they talk to me about it. I think it's *good* that they talk to me about it. They ask questions about JKR, about the problematic elements in the books, trans issues, queer villains. Whatever is bothering them, whatever they otherwise feel dumb about asking.

Just the other day I had a very sweet conversation with a trans student who had realized he was gay because Harry and Draco in the books were so "real" and "me coded" (and then he realized people shipped them and was like OH.) Basically, he just needed to be told that his experience was still okay and valid even though JKR is such a terrible transphobe. I had another one ask me "why are all queer people Wolfstar?" (what she meant was, why do gay couples in media tend have a masc one + a femme one. But for her, patient zero is Wolfstar, and that's how she phrased the question.)

On this blog, I'm in this position where I clearly know like, a lot about Harry Potter, I clearly authentically love it (and the fan culture around it...) but am very VERY critical of both JKR as a person, and specific choices she made while writing the books. That's a combination that's definitely got me some hate mail, but also thank-you letters, and extremely earnest questions. And, if I never touched HP meta or fandom, I wouldn't get to occupy that space.

I completely, completely understand people who never want to read the words "Harry Potter" ever again. That was me, for years. I only started writing about Harry Potter on this blog last July, but so far it's been very a interesting, rewarding, cathartic experience. I've also had a great time writing fic, and using that as a means to examine my emotions and issues around this property, and with JKR herself. I got such a kick out of matching JKR's writing style as perfectly as I possibly could, and then writing Book 4 babygay Drarry. Or making Tonks just like, super genderqueer, trans, all of the above. Or flipping the framing to write a 100% canon compliant morally grey Dumbledore, and a sympathetic Lucius Malfoy. People seem to really like the fics too, so that's a nice bonus. I've gotten a lot from fanfiction myself in the past, I think it's a fascinating and useful form of art. So, I like getting getting to continue the cycle.

[ramblings-of-a-detrans-woman]

Why I will never support the radical feminist movement, as a detransitioning woman.

note: this is not meant to be any sort of hit piece or slander, I respect every feminist, even ones I disagree with. This is just my reasoning for why I do not like the radfem movement.

For a bit of context, I’ve indentified as trans since I was 12. At 18, I’ve decided to live my life as a lesbian woman, and i’ve never been happier with that choice.

Now, being a young trans man, I interacted a lot with pro trans content online (of course I did), and so of course I’ve heard about radical feminism. A passionate branch of feminism that takes a unique approach to women’s rights- deconstructing gender entirely. It sounds wonderful in theory, because of course gender is oppressive, most notably of women. I would know, being one. Even when I was trans I had to worry about being out at night. I even got chased once, and a man attempted to lure me to his truck another time. It’s brutal. But radical feminists devote their activism to ending this in a straightforward, logical way.

So why do I, a woman who has experienced both misogyny and transphobia, not support that? I feel that this is a good question for both trans allies and radfems alike to to ask. Knowledge is power.

Well, I’ll be direct. Radfems are some of the most depraved people i’ve ever met. I know, that sounds like a lot, but there’s no other words I can use that don’t perfectly encapsulate my experience with radfems. It’s depravity.

For weeks, I was harassed by transphobic radfems. Radfems, who are insistent on their love and support for TIFs aka trans men. It’s strange then that they would be so cruel towards one, wouldn’t you say?

Detransition is hard enough. It’s difficult to tell family that you were wrong. It’s difficult to reconnect with my gender. Hell, i prefer the term detrans over cis just because i have such a disconnect from my gender. So why do I have to deal with transphobic radfems sending me gore and death threats?

Thankfully all of the accounts doing this seem to be deleted or repurposed. But it’s only a matter of time until a new account is made just to send me an ask telling me to kill myself or a message about how much of a loser i am.

It’s this reason alone why i’ll never be a radfem. They’re just sick people. They don’t want liberation for women, they just hate trans people. It’s not even thinly veiled, their accounts are fully based around how horrible trans women are.

The truth being, trans women aren’t bad people at all. It’s easy to think they are because the news and media cherry picks some of the worst ones, but every community and minority group has bad people in it. some of the sickest people you could imagine, really. yes, they can be trans. but does being trans make you a sick person? does it turn you into a predator? no, it doesn’t. it just means you’re trans. trans or not, it’s up to men to be mature and take accountability for their own actions that they consciously make. a cis man is as capable to walk into a women’s room as a trans woman is.

if radical feminists cared more about women and detrans women, i could consider getting along with them. but sadly, all these passionate and dedicated feminists care about is hating trans people with a fiery passion. and i’ve been a casualty. it’s very difficult for me to sympathize with radfems when they’ve upset me to the point that they have

let me make it clear that gore and death threats don’t upset me, i’m not easily offended. So it’s not the threats that make me angry. It’s just the principle. The fact that radfems are spending their time scrolling reddit for gore pictures to send to fellow women instead of supporting us makes me SICK. it’s heartbreaking to picture a woman, raped and beaten by her boyfriend, and a radfem standing in front of her, readily available to help, but choosing to yell at a passing detrans woman. It’s really sad.

hopefully those reading this can take my words into consideration and use it to improve yourselves or your community (if you’re a radfem). i love womanhood and being a woman and i would love to share that joy with my sisters, but i just can’t when these issues i’ve experienced are in the back of my mind. I want radical feminism to be a safe space, a place where sisters can go to talk to women, relate to women, cry with and support women. but so far, the only love and support i’ve received has been from the trans community. that speaks volumes.

i am going to post more about my experience with finding my womanhood again in the future, so if you’re a detrans woman yourself, trans ally or not, consider following me :) i’d love to build myself a little community

[anamericangirl]

Just a lil wisdom from your ol friend Jay.

"The worst side to be on is the side that gets angry with you when you agree with them and support them."

I spent a full 11 years very very meticulously and very politely being respectful and supportive of the liberal left, even had my hair dyed blue and half shaved off, changed my name to Jynkx, identified as agender nonbinary, was dating a trans girl for 9 years and paid for her HRT for 3 full years, was (and still am) best friends with a trans person, had (still) a Discord server with pronoun selection, had many trans characters in my stories, was writing multiple stories and games featuring lesbian characters and characters of color, went to conventions wearing lipstick (as a boy), wore trans pride pins, wore pins with my pronouns on them, fundraised a total of $16,000 between three LGBT friends that were in toxic living situations that I used my position as a popular artist to get them out of, even moved to Ohio and lived with two gay guys.

And to this day I'm still regularly called a transphobe and a Nazi, and was called those things the entire time I was doing all that. For those full 11 years, that was my reputation. Transphobe and Nazi.

People are still so fucking stupid that they can't understand why like 70% of the country supports Trump and wants the liberal left to crash, burn, and either snap out of this shit or get the fuck out of our country immediately.

This is why.

Because even when you cater to them for a fucking decade they still hate you. They will always hate you. Nothing you can do will make them stop hating you.

So to everyone reading this: Stop. Stop catering to them. Stop listening to these fucking hateful freaks. You don't have to go full blown MAGA but for fuck sake stop supporting these psychos that call themselves Liberals or the LGBT or Antifa or BLM or whatever other name they have. I supported every fucking one of them for 11 years and was on the verge of suicide from how much they hated me and would constantly find fault in everything I did.

Get out. Either out of that mindset, or out of this fucking country.

PREACH!

A living testimony to the truth that no matter what you do you will never be good enough. It is a toxic, damaging environment and no one should be involved in it. Like you said you don’t have to go full MAGA or even go to the right at all. You just have to get out of the cesspool that is progressive leftism.

They don’t want your support. They want your compliance.

[everything-transmasculine]

[Different Anon] Following up on that ask mentioning how trans men are for some reason encouraged to go into women's bathrooms to one-up the transphobes, even though we have been submitted to various forms of severe violence for doing just that:

I'm honestly surprised how this talking point is repeated so often both by supposed allies and even by other fellow trans people, with virtually no opposition coming from non-transmascs. Even by relatively prominent figures who should know better.

To put an example, maybe a month ago I was in bsky and there was some discussion about bathroom bills in the US, and I noticed a couple of things: 1) no mention at all from non-transmascs on how the bill also impacted trans guys negatively, and 2) only mentioned as rhetorical gotcha about how "big buff manly passing trans men" should storm the capitol bathrooms in a display of whatever the reverse of "owning the libs" is.

This completely ignores that the most likely result of such an action would be them getting accused of being creeps and then getting brutalized by police. Our erasure is not an accident, the point of erasing us IS cruelty, and IS a way to limit our access to resources, or even limiting the existence of said resources in the first place. It should not be mistaken for anything else, especially not as a "feature" of being transmasculine, because it's just not, the same way being hypervisible and transfem isn't a perk either.

But this, pardon my language, idiotically asinine and ignorant "hot take" got passed around and echoed by people like Alejandra Caraballo and Michael Hobbes, who have an enormous following for leftist bsky standards, and now I hear it repeated like clockwork by uninformed people every time bathrooms come up in the conversation.

And the response when they're informed that telling transmascs to put themselves in danger for the sake of a fruitless gotcha point is not a good idea? That transphobic violence is not targeted anywhere nearly as bad at transmascs. That we should sacrifice for our community to make an useless point since we're not vulnerable. Because we are men, and men are not vulnerable to the violence of the State, apparently.

I am mixed black and latino, and honestly, it couldn't anger me more when people pretend that when we transition our problems just vanish away, and especially the pretense that some of us can just walk into a women's bathroom to protest and still have the assuredness that we'll come out breathing. Hell, I would argue for some of us who experience intersectional oppression because of our race, the State violence against us increases with transition, not lessens.

Anyways, I'm branching out too much from my original complaint, so I'll leave it here. Thanks for hearing us out man 👍🏽

anon youve completely summed up my feelings on it in a way i havent been able to be consise with before. when someone transitions, that does not mean that they should de facto be the “shield” for others against attack - similrly to how one cannot compell another to donate organs, transmasculine people should not be compelled to endanger themselves in the name of “owning the bigots.” thats not how any of this works - a bigot is not someone who follows facts, or logic, or sound reasoning. someone who passes is not going to change their minds just by virtue of being in the bathroom that matches with their asab. a bigot isnt going to see a trans man in a womans bathroom and immediately go “aha! i see the error in my logic! of course this man needs to have access to the mens room!” theyre going to physically or sexually assault us because we are transgender, and they hate transgender people.

and thats without even touching on the intersectionality between race and transition - i fully agree with you that the risk of violence increases with transition for nonwhite transmasculine people, as the added scrutiny of the state and the society at large is going to increase with proximity to societally defined “manhood” as a whole.

[felix-01000101]

Need to yap about honeybee transfems and coffeebean transmascs again give me a sec

Personally, I am transfem because I have (nonbinary) fem genders and I am transmasc because I have (nonbinary) masc genders. Both of these catrgories of genders are wildly different from the gender imposed at me at birth, and none of my genders have any connection whatsoever to what got written on my birth certificate.

Despite this, I keep getting told that I am co-opting labels for whatever bizarre reason. Whether it's because I'm "not transitioning" or (as I'm heard today) I'm defining transfem and transmasc by their relationship to masculinity and femininity respectively (I'm not), and I just need to debunk all of those.

"You're not transitioning to femininity/masculinity"

I thought we left behind the "you need to transition to be trans" truscum rhetoric? In any case I am intending to take both T and E and explore gender presentation as soon as I stop living with my transphobic parents, so actually YES I AM TRANSITIONING.

"But your transition is aligned to your birth gender."

I don't know what my birth gender would be considered, but "nonbinary" is certainly not any of them. Believe it or not, nonbinary women =/= binary women (and vice versa for nonbinary men). You cannot make this argument without either outright denying the fact that I'm nonbinary, or insinuating that I cannot be trans because I am nonbinary (and cis nonbinary ppl do exist, but I am not one of them and my genders will always be trans at their core). Also do you guys think nonbinary people who present as their "birth" gender are actually just cis? Because when you say things like that it reminds me of that, and I shouldn't have to tell you how exorsexist that is.

"But your AGAB is-"

Defining transness by AGAB will always be intersexist. Why? Because AGAB =/= sex characteristics. And I'm not saying this because I want to, I am giving you the words of what literal intersex people are trying to tell you.

You can be AFAB and be what people would consider "biologically male". And vice versa.

There is no good reason to exclude intersex AFAB people who went through male puberty from being transfem just because they were assigned female at birth. And personally, I think barring people from labels based on what genitals they had or what puberty they went through is kinda weird. Why are we, the "queers", the weird people ostracised by binaries created by cishetnormatice society, creating yet another binary to force people into? Makes no sense to me.

Honorary mention:

"No-one talks about AMAB transmascs"

Because people have always cared more about the fem-aligned communities. Why are people more vocal about their hate of bi lesbians compared to bi vincians? Why are people more vocal about their hate of lesboys compared to turigirls?

That doesn't mean that those groups of people don't exist, or "aren't valid". They're simply invisible, which is a bad thing actually. As much as I'm glad to have one aspect of my identity not be so fiercely debated about, it sucks knowing that most people have no idea I even exist.

Note that at no point in this post have I stated my AGAB. If you continue to give me one anyway, you are part of the problem.

[mossy-green-aka-ferrythem]

I like. Have not played a single Hoyo game so it is quite shocking to see people take deeper looks into the games and their themes to uncover just how DEEPLY racist Hoyoverse is.

When I say racist I mean like. Painting this fantasy, ideal, "aesthetic" world that only wears the face of multiculturalism, while explicitly making it so all the heroes and good characters are white, while making the enemy characters typically with a darker shade of skin. Like just. In fucking Genshin. Look at the Hilichurls. They've literally got pitch black skin and masks, and despite having their own culture, are constantly and consistently treated nothing more as "pests". Like just. I swear to god there are so many "Hilichurl" like examples of weaving weird racism into video game enemies in the wider media sphere, but I digress.

What really gets me is like. I saw some shit from fucking Honkai or whatever where there is an entire character who was born black, but bleached her skin out of shame. Like. What. Also this is all second hand, so forgive me for getting details wrong, but doesn't she just. Keep hating herself for her skin color and her heritage? Also the way her mother is drawn is just like. Somehow both a racist and transphobic caricature rolled into one. Like they illustrated her in a way that doesn't feel done in good taste. It fees like they want to evoke a sense of confusion and maybe disdain. Perhaps they wish for you to sympathize with the girl who bleached her own skin (???) and like. What the fuck is this writing HOW DO PEOPLE JUST NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THIS??????

Also. There is of course ZZZ. The issue here is more what people have already mentioned and something I don't feel like fully relaying. Which is the sort of heavy emphasis and inspiration from Hip-Hop and Rap culture, but without any black characters actually in the setting. Ben Bigger is like. Legit the blackest character there, problem is that he ISN'T HUMAN. Like it shows that they would sooner create an anthropomorphic bear, a fantasy character, than a black character that actually displays their culture in a proud way. Not really my place to say all of this, since others have said it much better than I ever could. Last thing I would say is that the Black edits of the characters (especially Ellen Joe), make the character designs leagues better.

To cap off this messily organized tumblr post and rant, it brings me to my biggest issue: erasure. The fact that when you search up Tighnari, you only get that dogshit anime boy, hell, the issue even still persists somewhat when you specify for Al-Tighnari. I am not well read on who Tighnari is, but even skimming past a description of that man is truly breathtaking. He sounds like a very well traveled, very wise man who likely had a sizable impact on the world. Thing is. When you search up Tighnari you don't see this man anywhere. When you bring up Tighnari, it is unlikely people actually recognize who the man himself was. Instead you have this character, who's skin is as white as a sheet, actively acting like a shroud being thrown over an old cultural icon. His design has been criticized endlessly for how little it lines up, but that's not the point. The point being is that Tighnari in Genshin has uprooted knowledge of the original in the public eye. This is but one example, and doesn't even BEGIN to touch upon the absolute shitshow that is Natlan. However, people have already exhaustively described what is wrong with it so I digress there. Oh and I said I would close this out but like. Fucking Star Rail or whatever has a character with Dark Skin who has "shacklebreaker" as one of their main skills and like. This is some J.K. Rowling type racism. Like what. What the fuck?

Look what's really important here is that I am just so fucking taken aback by learning the extent of it. I always bore a minor grudge against Genshin, but the clarification, and the knowledge of how deep this shit goes... just makes me realize this. There is no longer any confusion about how this got so popular, because racism is excusable in general fandom spaces. Racism isn't considered a dealbreaker to many people, and that is the root of the issue I believe. How general online fandom communities and people as consumers are just so unbothered by racism that they will just not criticize it, pass it off as normal, and will actively engage in racist tendencies, rather than making any effort to better themselves and to be more tasteful in what they choose to support financially, and what they choose to consume.

[transmascposi]

I feel really isolated because I hardly see any trans masculine positivity posts,,,, The only posts I see,, that are even shared by my own friends,,, are those that are complaining about trans mascs and how we're evil, ugly, and ruining the trans community,,,, I don't know what I did wrong besides simply exist as a trans masculine person,,, I still face misogyny and now I'm facing transphobia from my own friends,,, I even had to block somebody who said 'I have never found trans males to be sexually attractive' and instead of people telling them that's transphobic everyone was agreeing with them,,, I don't know where to turn anymore because everyone hates trans men so badly,,,, plus it's interesting that ppl will say how much they hate trans men but then fetishize our bodies,,,

I feel you. It's so lonely and difficult sometimes. It can feel like the whole world hates you. But I promise it's not like that. There's a lot of people who love us, really.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. You didn't do anything wrong. And even if you did, it wouldn't justify this treatment. You are valid and amazing and you bring so much beauty to the world and to the queer community. I had to cut off a few internet friends who hated on trans men and I don't regret it one bit. If they hate trans masculine people, I suggest cutting these people off. They are not good friends to you.

My advice is to try to spend less time online. The hate is much more concentrated here, and it's much more openly vicious. We certainly do have bad things happening to us in real life, but from my experience at least, the hate online is on another level. There are encounters that we can't really prevent in real life, but you can control the majority of your interactions online. I suggest avoiding the hate as much as you can, even if it means not spending time on your favorite platform. It can seem like I'm stating the obvious and I probably am, but at the same time, when I struggled a lot with online hate on trans mascs, I would keep spending time in trans masc spaces on tumblr that are full of this hate. I think we have the tendency to dwell in the hate, for whatever reason. To reblog it to argue with it, to keep repeating the same points to people who don't care about the truth, to try to counter the lie that trans mascs have it easy by witnessing the hate as a getcha. I'm not saying that you do this necessarily, but I definitely did it.

My second advice is to go out and meet people who understand and support you. A wonderful way to do that is activism. If you can, join your local trans activist group! You don't have to have inspiring speeches on big podiums and argue with people. You can help with small practical tasks — those people are very much needed and appreciated! Or you can find your local queer events and go there. It can be intimidating at first, especially if you go alone, but there's always someone a little bit lost at these events. People get it. Again, it definitely can be very difficult, but try to talk to some trans people there. Or anyone, really. You will find out that there's a lot of people who support and get us. And people who might not fully understand yet, but they want to try and they want to help. Even these imperfect encounters will warm your heart enough to forget a little about all the hate, even just for a moment. And being in activist circles and hearing people say your exact thoughts out loud — oh man it's SO satisfying. These people don't even have to be your friends. I'm trying to be an activist and there are people who I have fun with and who give me a sense of community — yet I don't meet them outside of activism stuff because I know we aren't a good match to be friends. And yet, their existence in my life brings me a lot of warmth. Building community is the key, really.

I wish you the best of luck and strength and I hope you will feel better soon.

[genderqueerdykes]

Idk if this is the right place to go but I'm not quite sure where else to put this. I'm very sorry if it's not the right place!

As a trans guy, I just have to wonder just how bad my luck is with trans women blogs and my general interaction with trans women IRL???

I'm stating it now that every single person can be an asshole. No matter their gender. I know I'm just having severely bad luck. Trans girls are forever my sisters and I'll back them up if I need to.

But also, why am I only encountering trans women who unironically want to put trans men and trans masculine people's heads on a spike.

I've close genderqueer friends but never managed to become friends with a trans girl yet (I know a few I'm acquainted with, as an art student in college - trans people of all shapes and sizes are a dime a dozen here) because at some point the fact they fundementally hate trans men comes out into the open. It's scary. Why are we in-fighting? Why does my sheer existence hurt you? The cousin of my crush is a trans girl, and she threw such a fit when she heard her cousin was going to go on a date with me. Not that it matters, relationship didn't work out (we're great friends) but I had never talked to this woman!! Ever!!!! My crush just relayed to me at the time that she did not like me because they told her I was a trans guy!!!!!!!

Trans men who hurt them obviously should be held accountable. They're pieces of shit. Again: every gender can be a fucking asshole. But why generalize? Why would you suddenly ostracize me if I revealed myself as a trans guy to you instead of a butch woman when we've had nothing but pleasant conversations up until now?

I feel like I'm being oversensitive, or that I'm making a big issue out of something so minimal. But why are we in-fighting? Why? Why, why why???

you're not being over sensitive, this is a genuine problem right now and it's affecting people in real time. what people don't seem to care about is that this deeply hurts and affects the people who are being ostrasized. which is something people should care about

you're not imagining things or anything like that and your experiences are very important to be discussed. it is quite literally "the right thing to do" or "cool" or whatever to shit on trans men right now. like currently, in 2024, almost 2025, we are seeing now more than ever, people who proudly hate trans men. this is transphobia. people NEED to care. you're not alone in feeling this way. even i feel this way, and i'm an intersex trans wo/man. i shouldn't have to feel this way, i'm literally a trans woman and i'm made to feel weary about other trans girls suddenly hating me when they find out i'm also a trans man because gender is complicated and being intersex is a complex experience

people will gladly openly hate on trans men. we are now the sacrificial lamb. we are now the punching bag. for a while people really hated cis gay men. like really hated them. the "im twinkphobic" shit was literal overt homophobia and nobody cared. everyone was on board with hating cis gay men for one reason or another. a lot of people were calling feminine cis gay men transmisogynistic, or transfem eggs. now things have shifted and its trans men who are the big problem.

rad feminism is taking over large parts of our community and people refuse to talk about it. people are happily rad fems, and a lot of trans girls identify as transradfems, which is just about as transphobic as you can get. it's never progressive to hate someone for their gender. ever. it's always transphobia. i don't know how so many trans girls got it in their heads that rad feminism just needed to accept trans women and trans women only for it to be a good ideology. i've said it before, but the unfortunate truth is a lot of trans women are desperate to feel validated in their womanhood, and some see man-hating "lesbian" women as the most "woman" thing you can be, as it's the "direct opposite" to being a man. trans women will gladly walk down this path for the sake of gender euphoria and attacking trans men because they're taking someone else's gender personally.

it doesn't matter if you don't see trans men as trans- we are. trans men are trans. transgender, transsexual, transvestites- doesn't matter. trans men get called trannies, too. trans men get misgendered. trans men face corrective rape. it's seriously not cool to see trans men as "copying" trans women, or whatever. i've seen people claim that trans men are really just masculine girls, and that it's okay for women to dress masculine so we should just do that instead. i've seen people say that trans men literally aren't trans because who would want to transition into manhood? i've heard people say that trans men just transition to hurt people. i've heard that trans men aren't "real" trans people and "Aren't trustworthy" sources of information on trans experiences

it's ridiculous. people are completely blinded to what the real problem is. the real problem is the queerphobes above us. i'm with you: why are we infighting like this again? what's the point? the entire point of the queer community is to accept people who step outside of the cisheternormative panopticon we've invented and enforced. it's such a broad array of people. not all experiences will be the same. manhood is desireable, just like womanhood. manhood is not inherently toxic. it's not something everyone wants to escape.

i sincerely hope people wake up and start realizing this is doing nothing but helping conservatives, terfs and transphobes. it's not helping other trans girls. some trans women are also trans men. intersex trans women exist. multigender trans women exist. genderfluid trans women exist. some trans women are also men and we're shooting everyone in the foot by behaving this way.

like do people not realize there are trans women who are also men? you're alienating all of these women with all this man hating. you're not just hurting cishet and trans men here: you're hurting every possible group of person. not every trans woman despises the concept of manhood. wanting to transition out of manhood doesn't mean you have to hate or condemn it. manhood being bad for you doesn't mean it's bad for everyone else

i hope you start to feel better soon. you are more than welcome to come back any time, it's really pervasive right now, but we have to stick together and challenge it when we see it. we have to remind ourselves that this is absolutely unhinged entitled behavior that doesn't reflect how trans men are treated in the real world and how we operate and function. it's shitty but fortunately there are lots of trans women who are allies to trans men. it's a very vocal minority that hate trans men that badly

[velvetvexations]

incredible, i just saw a reblog of that "transfem headcanons are always better and sometimes transmasc headcanons actively make the text worse and more hateful" by someone i followed. funny to see discussions arguing against the post before seeing the post itself, otherwise i would have unthinkingly internalized it and felt like shit without knowing why. anyway, i unfollowed that person now. to make it worse, op tore into someone for claiming that chihiro from danganronpa is an exception and better read as transmasc... the irony is insane. yet another example besides miquella that would make the story more boring and maybe worse if transfem.

it's so disgustingly petty lmao

a lot of transfem headcanons are reaches, often "this is literally a man magically trapped in the body of a woman and he hates it and desperately keeps trying to go back to being a man" and it's FINE to headcanon characters however you want but since some people can't conceptualize being a woman as anything other than something they wish would happen to them they take characters like that and hiss if you go near them

i get the sense that there's a very specific, narrow demographic of transfems who used to buy into that reddit guy "being a hot 22-year-old girl must be like having 10 billion dollars" attitude and never really let it go. thus the fixation on "AFAB privilege". isee a similar mix of resentment and attraction from lesbian TERFs, though it comes from a different origin. and it's an attitude that can slide easily into TERFism even for cis men--just look at tatsuya ishida!

If anything the idealization of femininity a small minority of transfems exhibit when they complain endlessly about how good trans people AFAB have it would come more from dysphoria and the grass being greener on the other side. "An AFAB trans person will immediately revert to being an innocent little girl to hurl sexual assault accusations at trans women," however, is really concerning!

Regarding whether "binary privilege" exists, i am once again on my hands and knees begging people to actually look at the statistics. The US Transgender Survey and Cohnting Ourselves (from Aotearoa) are right there. And they both show that all trans people are about as badly off as each other regardless of their specific gender. Yes, there are some ways in which being nonbinary is particularly hard, such as not having a social role to fit into, I'm not denying any of that, but if you're going to call being binary a "privilege" then there needs to be a visible whole-group effect for binary people compared to nonbinary people. And there isn't one when you look at the numbers.

It's not really about non-binary people having it flat worse, more just situational complexities.

The thing about even discussing privilege (binary privilege in this case) is that so many people talk as if to have privilege means to inherently have privilege Over someone else. Like is it an advantage for me to be vaguely binary alligned enough sometimes to have a legal gender marker that is moderately less dysphoria inducing when some people are equally harmed by either? (Tbf I live in a state where x is an option, I simply do not feel safe with that 😵‍💫 (tho that does not help when nothing else other than state id accepts it)) like yeah it's a privilege but it's not privilege Over someone. It does not make me an oppressor or mean I am causing harm, which is a thing many people seem to believe, about various forms of privilege

That's a very good point, anon.

I suppose this isn’t how others I’ve seen think about it but. I’ve always just understood that you can be oppressed for being trans without your gender being affirmed. Like. The bigots understand you’re trans but that doesn’t make them think of you as your gender it makes them think of you as trans. Misgendering is such a huge part of what transphobes do and I’ve never once assumed they were like. Lying about seeing trans people that way. I don’t get acting like transphobes can see our, as you put it, soul gender.

It makes people feel better.

[ninepiecesofcrait]

Hi I have a question. How do you square writing/enjoying HP fanfic with the Problematic Author and how she uses her influence? This is not snarky at all, I am genuinely curious because I’ve been able to comfortably do so for a long time as Author doesn’t make anything off of fanfic and I can make the characters as queer as I want or give actual depth, redemption, and pathos to Draco. And now I’m lost. Thank you if you answer. I love your writing so much!

i think a lot of people are wrestling with this question right now, nonny, so you are in good company, if that can be a kind of cold comfort. if, however, you were hoping i had some secret silver bullet to alleviate bad feelings, i’m afraid i don’t—only a collection of thoughts, which may or may not help you sift through yours.

it feels prudent to begin with the obvious here: the author has not recently become terrible. even in the hp books themselves, bigotry of all sorts is on the page, right there in black and white—and it’s not solely from the antagonists of the series. this wasn’t a scooby doo-style villain reveal: it was the logical culmination of a decade of transphobic hate rhetoric.

the uk supreme court decision is devastating, not only because it is shunting the nation backwards with respect to trans rights, but also because that decision will trickle down through other countries as anti-trans rhetoric rises. historically, that sort of development has a domino effect—legislation to restrict queer rights, legislation that will harm both cis women and gnc people, legislation that will further entrench wealth gaps largely to the detriment of people of color.

caring for our trans community members is the perfect example of how the phrase “a rising tide lifts all boats” can be true. trans people often exist at the interstices of multiple marginalized identities, and by making the world equitable, accessible, and safe for trans folks, we attend to the needs of the citizenry as a whole.

for us, the easiest way to hurt the intended transphobic crusade is to stop putting money towards the hp series. personally, i have not bought anything hp related in about a decade and i plan to keep that streak going. at the individual level, it may not feel like much, but enough of us have done so that the brand has lost power. we know this bc they don’t trot the author out when they release their video games or announce developments for the tv series that she’s going to be executive producer on. wb studios fully abandoned the back half of the fantastic beasts films because they were bad, yes, and also because jkr had become pr poison.

in regards to fandom, over the past few days i have seen a wide range of responses, all the way from “i can no longer write anything related to hp” to “i am here to write things that would piss her off”—and i think those feelings, and the spectrum of sentiments between them, are all reasonable. the only sentiment i do not think is acceptable is one of indifference hiding behind a “separate the art from the artist” line of logic. as someone much smarter than me put it, “separate the art from the artist” is often used as a bromide to protect ourselves from having tough conversations about whether that nastiness was in the art all along. in this case, it was.

that being said, i do think there is room for nuance here in that fanfic is free and generates no income for the author. that’s not to handwave this problem, however: i also think that fandom is political, and how we engage in it shows what we believe. as senlinyu once put it, fanfic can be your 95 theses nailed to the wittenberg door. it can be your phd dissertation on all the ways the original ip falls short. it can be your Bad Feelings Box—the place where you are sorting through your own emotions and what you’re learning and processing as you grow. it can be playing with barbies in a way that celebrates the beauty of the queer community, that demonstrates the richness of disability culture, that upholds the dignity of trans people, that puts characters of color front and center.

when i write fanfic, i do so in the fullness of my queer identity. with rare exceptions of the narratively-necessary variety, everyone is welcoming and affirming. and, besides my advent piece which was a game of word count chess, i very intentionally include trans characters in all of my hp fics who range from background characters, to characters who show up for one or two scenes, to characters who are integral parts of the story. regardless of which category they fall into, my trans characters are (if i’ve done my job right) imbued with the dignity, hotness, interiority, and power they deserve. that is my fanfic level of rebellion.

i also pair that with my real life activism, which is in the classroom. my time and efforts are spent trying to cultivate the skills of critical thinking, metacognition, and empathy in my students. i’m not 100% effective at it—would that i could be!!—but training the next generation to think beyond their own experiences and to understand how they have power that can make the world a better place is my activist project. for better or for worse, my work is there, and my Work is there, as well.

for me, knowing that i’m doing all that i personally can to combat transphobia and make the world a better, fairer, kinder place is enough.

it may be that it is not enough for some people, and i think that’s understandable, too. if this is your line in the sand moment, it is a 100% reasonable one. the uk supreme court decision was bought and paid for with nefarious intent and celebrated with malicious glee. it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or powerless in a moment like this, and taking a stand by saying “i won’t engage with this any longer” is one way combat that.

at times when i feel powerless, i volunteer. i put my money, time, and talents where my yapping mouth is. i go back to the words of my queer ancestors, whose bravery and defiance allow me to sit here, making my little stories, living my gay life. without indomitable trans women like marsha p johnson and sylvia rivera, i would never have been able to marry my spouse, to know that we will have access to gender-affirming care, or to know that when one of us passes, the other will be legally recognized as next of kin. but honoring the queer liberation movement and their tenacity with where i spend my time, my income, is only part of the equation: educating myself, getting involved in my community, and contributing to the cause of revolution are the other, more long term, less glamorous, and equally crucial parts.

there is no liberation without trans and queer liberation. no freedom without a free palestine. no equality without equity. all these struggles are connected.

all that to say: i think that feeling like you can no longer tolerate any participation in hp fandom is a reasonable and valid response, just as i think that spite-writing gayer, more trans-celebratory fic is a reasonable and valid response, too. only you can decide what will allow you to look in the mirror and still be at peace with yourself and your actions.

us trans advocacy orgs: comprehensive article with orgs in all 50 states, including mutual aid funds: https://www.them.us/story/orgs-fighting-back-anti-trans-legislation the org i donate to monthly is the trevor project:https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ trans lifeline also enormously important now that the us is cutting funding for the 988 hotline’s lgbtqia+ program: https://translifeline.org/volunteer/

uk trans advocacy orgs: https://www.transunite.co.uk/ uk mermaids: https://mermaidsuk.org.uk/

[theoneandonlyjamiestark]

INTRODUCTION

Before We get started. Yes. I'm a Stark. Adopted, of course. And even though I'm not biologically related to the Starks, many people have told me I take after their ego and sassiness.

Jamie Eliana Stark She/her Trans MTF Bisexual Adopted Daughter of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts 21 years old. [Mod is a minor so NSFW DNI] Marvel RP account 5"4ft tall

I may not be a true Stark, but I surely do act like one. I get told on countless occasions that I'm "Just like your father" whenever I'm being anywhere near sassy or rude to anyone. Sarcasm is not for the faint of heart I guess. I also am not as good at building techy stuff as many others in my family, but I can hack mainframes like its nobodies business. You could say its a gift of mine. I'm also good at codes. Me and Dad (Tony) sometimes work together on projects that he needs done quickly. Its kinda fun, having a dad who can match your sarcastic energy. Being a Stark also comes with a shit ton of publicity and responsibility. Many reporters, paparazzi and other people who pry into your personal life like they need to know what direction you walked at Eleven AM on December Twenty First 2021. Its dumb if you ask me, but publicity, like fashion shows, celebrity events or galas that we're invited to? Love those. I love the attention when its not weirdly invasive. Theres one word to describe our household, and that is Chaos. With Peter running around on the walls and everyone else just being the people they are, it can get pretty busy and chaotic. Especially when some people are trying to build stuff and they blow up. The rule here, basically is just, "Don't blow anything up". And unless Mom/Pepper is home, most things fly as long as, a) no one (is, might, already) died/die/dead, b) nothing explodes, c) it wont get you arrested. At least for the older lot its like that. Rules in the lab are the ones you definetly want to follow,. The rules in the lab are the strictest. You don't want any of that tech going haywire. Trust me. I've done it only once and its probably the worst thing I've done. But anyways. Wouldn't have it any other way. Listen here okay? I may not be the absolute smartest Stark when it comes to building tech or doing stuff like my Dad does, but I'm really battle smart. I have fight training from THE Natasha Romanoff herself. I'm an incredible hand to hand fighter, and so if you cross me I wont hesitate to show you who you're dealing with without mortally wounding you. I was told the government and police will get involved if I do that.... so its probably better I don't and stay out of the authorities grasp.

You hear this? FUCK stereotypes or like norms and stuff. I will dress, style my hair, or speak however I want. Of course I wont be rascist, homophobic, transphobic (why would I hate myself?), or anything like that to ANYONE. Its shocking how anyone is like that to anyone. Anyways. If you need me, I'm always here, just throw a message in my ask box!

Dad: Tony Stark @under0-0s Mom: Pepper Potts @pepper-potts-in-charge Siblings: @serenastark-official @playgirlgenius @riley-stark Friends: Intern for Avengers HR Intern for : @luna-draven-barnes Feel free to send RP starters or rp ideas! Rps are always welcoem! Face Claim: Lucy Hale (Pretty little Liars) Oc Owned by: @thescarleteevee //This account is not run by a system alter btw! dividers by : @vg-k

[tirfpikachu]

this screenshot from another post actually really hit me hard

it's so true... they always do this. trying to make body dysphoria seem inherently worse than body dysmorphia is actually cruel. as someone who developed extremely severe body dysmorphia before dysphoria, i can tell you it's the #1 reason i started hating and harming myself and wanting to die at a young age. i would've 1000% gotten extreme facial plastic surgery to "fix" myself. and while for some it's their road to happiness, if i had it... it personally would've locked me into this fake version of myself, forever wearing a mask. and whenever i'd see someone looking like my past self, a haunting feeling would've come over me. and yet society was encouraging me to "fix" my perceived flaws. it was insanely normalized. it was seen as almost self-care, and a way to better my chances in life as a "prettier" woman. it really fucked me up. you CANNOT look me in the eyes and say shit like "women just want to xyz bc of beauty standards, it's not the same as my much worse severely debilitating dysphoria" without telling my younger self and other young girls that her life-threatening suffering wasn't bad enough, wasn't painful enough, wasn't as bad as anything a trans person goes through. it assumes so fucking much about dysmorphic people. don't brush us off so easily. don't put yourself as inherently in a worse situation when societal misogyny costs real lives. especially since for me, it came from initial bullying at a young age, like many other girls who hate their own bodies & faces. stop belittling our pain.

my dysphoria was very debilitating too, and made me a trans activist for life. but it did come with risks. i developed reverse dysphoria quite quickly after i started growing stubble, and now i'm stuck with that painful dysphoria until i can get expensive laser hair removal. if this is how transfems feel like about their own stubble, holy shit... i'm so fucking sorry. that's a truly horrible feeling. what i can tell you though, is that this is actually a cousin sensation to dysmorphia. dysmorphia & dysphoria aren't as separated as y'all might want them to be, which would make things must simpler ofc. but it's the feeling of visceral disgust, of your body not being good enough, not being you enough. that sucks to think about; we don't want to empower the transphobic crowd into thinking they can magically fix us all. and so, many activists and dysphoric people try to compensate by portraying them as experiences that are completely foreign to one another. as never being related or feeling similar at all, ever. but the thing is, as a previously chronically dysphoric & dysmorphic detrans chick, i can tell you first-hand that it doesn't help anyone to pretend that these aren't often comorbid disorders, and that they actually really do feel similar. and that's okay! no one should take all your treatment options away just because of that. that would be shitty, transphobic, and honestly ableist. but we gotta encourage ppl & their doctors to do due diligence (which my doctor and trans community didn't) and be open to everybody about the risk of regret, of reverse dysphoria, of things not working out the way we think they will. because all that at the very least makes detransitions less painful, even if you personally never detransition. detransitions can lead to very extreme self-hatred, and all the unfortunate consequences of self-hatred. it is a very vulnerable place to be in, and we want to prevent harm. more and more folks are detransitioning because of a lack of information and a focus on celebrating someone's transition early instead of giving proper information. the same should be done with dysmorphic folks - i am both a post-dysphoric and post-dysmorphic person. but many dysmorphic people cannot function without getting surgeries.

and while this is honestly tragic, as anyone needing to go under the knife at all is tragic in a sense... sometimes it is the only life-saving treatment option for the person. for me, i feel so fucking proud of my survival despite years of debilitating disgust at myself, my body and my face. both in a dysphoric and dysmorphic way. but i do not look down on anyone who did have to go through surgeries. i'm just happy to see them smile and feel good about themselves, honestly. but it is a bit bittersweet. how was it, before surgeries, to be dysphoric? to be dysmorphic? i want to read more stories from those eras. how did people find inner peace? did they, in the end? how many didn't survive? what did they have to say? i feel a strange sense of yearning, sometimes. heteropatriarchal society is really weird. it triggers dysmorphia in so many young girls & transmascs. it can also trigger temporary dysphoria in some people, and even permanent dysphoria. and just because certain societal things are a factor in your dysphoria doesn't mean you're lesser for it either - your suffering matters. just like dysmorphic suffering. hating yourself at all is so fucking painful. i wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy, or i'd at least strongly hesitate and they'd need to be an actual monster to deserve it. i love dysphoric & dysmorphic people so fucking much. i don't want us to fight eachother, or shame eachother for seeking treatments when things become too much for us to bear. we need to uplift one another. do everything we can to lessen these feelings in ourselves, of course, as a community of people who hate their bodies and place in society. but if someone chooses to cross over, to take hormones, to have surgeries... i just don't want them to regret it, that's all. and if they don't? if they're happy? i would hug them and breathe a sigh of relief as well. i'd feel bittersweet, almost nostalgic, because i've been there. people who haven't been severely dysphoric or dysmorphic don't fucking understand. hopefully they never will.

[dustcollectingbones]

Intro post time!

General stuff:

Hi I’m Dust Collecting Bones a.k.a. Thomas! I’m like a court jester except I’m also attracted a little too much by bones.

I also now have a sideblog for my manic rants and ramblings, she’s called @manicassandra!

Please block this person, they are a horrible person and have ruined my life and will likely ruin yours.

You will often see me reblogging cool stuff, ranting about strange things, or getting much too invested in random posts. I don’t like to participate in many controversies or extreme beliefs and even if I did I will likely not post about it.

Fun facts:

I am Bisexual/Pan-questioning and Grey-Ace

I am okay with all pronouns, but female ones are preferred (very small preference)!

I speak English and Mongolian, am learning Japanese and Korean, and know a small amount of Russian and Spanish

I play the piano (quite badly mind you)

Despite spending the majority of my life in none of these countries, I speak with a mix of Californian, British, and Irish accents

I have audhd, and probably other undiagnosed stuff

Warnings/non-fun facts:

I am extremely queer and proud about it

I (though you likely won’t see much posting about it) sh and have an ed

I have an ed, sh, and several anxiety issues so please tag gore/sh/ed/su1c1d3 related content and use tone indicators!!!

I don’t have OSDD, but function in a similar manner (if you really must know dm and I can explain)

I am very defensive of my moots and will not tolerate any hate towards them

Dni:

Nsfw and porn accounts (though I can forgive posting about it I won’t interact with accounts solely centred around it)

Transphobes, homophobes, TERFs, racists, queerphobes, and any other uncool people

Adults in dms

Interests:

I dibble and dabble I’m several fields of study, such as physics, both quantum and applied, engineering (though one could argue that’s just really applied physics), chemistry, medicine, psychology, biology, and many more.

I love learning about new strange things so feel free to send me just cool stuff you find out about. I also have an extensive collection of useless or obscure information you’ll likely never need.

Music taste:

I love almost any genre, but my favourite musicians are as follows in no particular order:

Will Wood, IDKHBTFM, Waitress, Liability Luke, Changeline, Machinery of the Human Heart, Issbrokie/Shteppie, Lightnin’ Luke, Crispin de Sade (a.k.a. @outlying-hyppocrate), Kendrick Lamar, Femtanyl, That Handsome Devil, Shayfer James, Isiah Rashad, Dib Dooley, Teddy Hyde, Bear Ghost, and Aaron May.

There are much more mind you these are just my most prominent listens (pls feel free to dm me for music recommendations).

Hobbies:

Music writing

Piano & singing

Reading

Cooking

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

Writing

Drawing

Coding

Fandoms:

I consume podcast dramas at a voracious pace but if I could name my favourites it would be TMA/TMagP, The Penumbra, The Silt Verses, Hymns for the Road, Midnight Burger, Malevolent, We Fix Space Junk, and Ch&T especially

Other fandoms include: Rick Riordan books, Good Omens, Doctor Who, Arcane, Pokemon, Devil May Cry, Fear and Hunger, Mouthwashing, etc

Why Dust Collecting Bones?:

It's both (at the risk of sounding self-absorbed) clever wordplay and a vague description of my hobbies. It can mean bones that collect dust (i.e. old bones), or dust (as in myself) that collects bones (my Vulture-esque habits), and bones (as in myself) that collects old things (also my strange habits).

It's mainly because I have a fascination with all things old, dead, or in various stages of decay. From collecting antiques, to preserving specimens, if it's old, I like it!

User boxes under the cut!