#like. I dunno man. I have issues. plus! I am stupid . in the way of extremely fucking blind to my own shortcomings and often socially forge

[proto-caustic-moon]

uhh

[miraculouscontent]

(miraculous asks)

Anonymous said:

Oh My Gosh!!!! I was just thinking about Party Crasher and man I hate how they had Ladybug get captured for the men to save! It's a continuous thing you see in media: strong heroic woman gets put in peril so that the men can shine. I didn't even realize it until you said it! I get that it was probably meant to be a "role reversal" of Chat always getting kidnapped or brainwashed for Ladybug to save, but the fact that this is the "guys' episode" it read like "well damn, we can't have the guys be strong if a girl is in the way; let's have the girl get captured so the boys can prove their worth by rescuing her!".

At least in Sandboy, Ladybug was still competent and came up with the plans, but this?! It makes me sick, and it's all too easy to fall into these traps; even Kim Possible did it! In my magical girl story, the heroine does get put in a magical coma and require someone to bail her out, but it's her female friends AND her boyfriend who save her, so it's not just a girl being weakened so a boy can be powerful, especially since said boy actually does a minority of the work required to save her; the focus is on the female characters so it's her girl friends who do most of it. I still ended up scrapping that side plot anyway, and do you know why? Because regardless of who saved her, I still didn't want my female protagonist to be put in distress at all due to the unfortunate implications! Needing help in a fight? Sure. But outright being captured or kidnapped? Nah fam.

I was honestly thinking about that when the first episode came out. Like, they could’ve just had Marinette NOT SHOW UP in time so the guys take care of things, which at least gives more of a message that Paris wouldn’t go to hell just because Ladybug is a little late or something.

And yeah, the “boys squad episode so gotta toss the girl out” is... sigh.

Anonymous said:

I think the writers were trying to show Chat angsting to show his regret instead of an actual apology. Still doesn't explain why Aeon didn't bring up her death afterwards. Did Olympia delete that from her memory banks?

I guess? :|

I don’t know why Chat can’t just apologize without fishing or trying to earn sympathy. Like JUST SAY YOU’RE SORRY, DAMMIT.

Anonymous said:

If you haven't read Maribat, then you won't regret it. I am not in the DC universe but I started reading it and WOW. Literally every single time Marinette is a badass queen and gets her complete revenge and is actually happy! Even if you absolutely love Lukanette (which I have nothing against) you should totally try it.

Appreciate the comment, but I find it hard to ship other Marinette ships outside of Lukanette. Ivanette is a very loose exception and it’s not like I ship it hard or anything.

Anonymous said:

Despite not being a Lukanette shipper I love you. Why? Because you amazing, so right in literally everything and I love you <33

gkdfjgfdngjkfdg thank you

bat-anon said:

The NY Special made it so that Max is literally the only Black/Brown kid that doesn’t exist to make Love Square happen and that just makes me hate it even more.

I wish you didn’t make me have this realization because I hate it.

At least Delmar existed in the New York special???? I guess???? I dunno, I’m trying here, I don’t recall him doing anything love square centric.

Anonymous said:

I honestly don't mind Alix's outfit as Bunnix! I feel like it fits her, plus she's an adult so its not much of a problem, not saying it can't be improved however. I DO have issues with the designs for the underage girls outfits however....those are very sus

Yeah, the problem I take with Bunnyx’s is that it’s a bodysuit. If there was just more definition, like having actual boots, I wouldn’t complain as much.

Anonymous said:

I actually just really like the idea of the new bee being a genuinely nice person who becomes friends with Marinette. Not exactly close friends (since I like the idea of friendly working relationships without actual personal stakes in them). I also enjoy the idea of the new bee having some small animosity for Chat Noir- just because their personalities aren't the greatest mix. I also think that it would make sense for the miraculous of subjection to be at odds with the miraculous of destruction

Full agreement but we know how much the writers are resistant to have characters go against Chat.

Anonymous said:

Not gonna lie the scene where the girl squad gets akumatized almost makes it seem like they got akumatized on purpose, similar to Manon in Puppeteer 2(although she was a little kid who was probably just imagining she could enact revenge). And why can't they have a uniformed design, like they're a team but wear different colors, similar to the Sailor Senshi(like, Alya's the leader and wears orange, Rose wears pink, Alix wears green, Juleka wears purple, and Mylene wears yellow). It's so boring.

Mood.

Not to mention that WE ARE SO TIRED OF THEM GETTING AKUMATIZED INTO THE SAME AKUMA.

AT LEAST PALETTE SWAP THEM.

Anonymous said:

Relating to the Didn't Need Burrows and Treatment of Marinette bingo cards, have you considered making one for whenever the show fails at girl power? It could say things like "sexualized frames of teenage girls" "boy tells girl what to do" "girls don't get to keep Miraculouses", and "girls are forced to apologize whenever a situation goes wrong". And in the center, it could say "Don't show this to your daughter!"! Lol! What do you think?

lol I feel like I have enough cards, otherwise I would.

Anonymous said:

I saw another post that talked about Miraculous New York, and they theorized that it was rewritten to focus more on Marinette and Adrien in order to get viewers invested in the Love Square again after more people started to lose faith in the ship. Do you think that's a possibility?

I think so. The whole special comes off as trying to reassure love square shippers because of how hard it goes for him. I cut out Marinette’s crushing and it cuts like 18% from the episode, meaning it’s even worse than Season 3 (15%).

Anonymous said:

Maybe the point of the [break-up episodes] is meant to discourage people from shipping Lukanette and Adrigami too?

Spoiler alert: didn’t work.

Anonymous said:

Are we not gonna talk about how in one ask, somebody legit said "(long dreamy sigh) Viperion"? Like same.

RIGHT????

Same.

Anonymous said:

Ml fandom: I hate how Ladybug keeps secrets from Chat Noir! He sacrifices himself for her all the time and she never appreciates him for it! He has EVERY right to get mad at her!!

ML Fandom when Chat Noir does the same thing in the special: ....Wow Ladybug was way to harsh on Chat Noir!! She doesn’t appreciate him at all!! Shes so mean to him!

:|

i hate it

Anonymous said:

Idk if it's just me, but a majority of the fandom is split in two; it's never one or the other "MARINETTE SUCKS AND IS A HORRIBLE PERSON GUARDIAN MARY SUE WHO SEXUALLY HARRASSES" or "ADRIEN SUCKS HE WAS NEVER ON MARINETTES SIDE" but im personally on the latter, but not to that extreme. i hate videos bashing marinette and then never acknowledge adriens faults

Yeah, the fandom gets more divided as time goes on because of the writers trying to increase the drama/tension.

Anonymous said:

I am PERSONALLY offended they gave Luka the snake miraculous. Snakes have such a negative connotation. A lot of people insult Lila by calling her a SNAKE. And now those ML writers DARE insult the best character in ML?! HOW DARE THEY!?????

I adore Viperion but I agree that I first heard he was getting snake and was like, “BUT MY BOI???”

It gets awkward too because other animals like the pig have negative connotations, like how Daizzi basically means “idiot/stupid” and they’re giving it to the freaking blond character, really???

Anonymous said:

I think that Ivanette would be even better if Marinette was plus-sized character.

I see why you’d think that. I just disagree because then it turns the ship into “let’s pair the heavyset characters together because they heavyset.”

Anonymous asked:

On the topic of romance failures and general series salt, my main issue right now is how the series puts so much focus on romantic relationships while failing to consider other levels of relationship or what they affect.

On the L² front I can completely buy Marinette being in love with Adrien. Most of the time she genuinely wants him to be happy and is ready to take a step back for him, however much it hurts. But in terms of romantic love? It. Is. A. Crush! But if we step back from the formula, what is there left between them? Their civilian relationship is held together by a “comedy” of errors and without that there is surprisingly little left. Well, besides two “best friends” desperately trying to make it happen because somehow they lost their individual characters and instead of being friends became matchmakers?

I too like Luka and Marinette together. Their relationship is pretty nice to see and all. But sometimes it feels like it happens in a dimension of its own, like the writers want to make the endgame clear in that the “sideships” can be easily cut out of the big “how they got together”-recaps. I especially miss reactions from and interactions with Juleka. She is Luka’s sister, Marinette’s friend, and IIRC someone aware of if not even a bit player in the great shipping game. She is in a prime position to step up and bring progress on all fronts: She can talk with Luka. She can either give Marinette helpful pointers or go “All in or nothing”, i.e. trying to make Marinette get her Adrien-feelings in order as she does not want her brother to get less than Marinette’s full heart. Similarly, she can counteract “friendly acts” and stop humiliating situations from escalating, or she herself can escalate them in the “All or Nothing”-scenario. Yet she remains basically a background character who gets little attention from the camera and almost no “non-focus identity”

As for Kagami, I may be too biased. *Any* positive Kagami/Marinette relationship is to me what Lukanette is to you. So naturally I have lots of opinions when it comes to her role ;) But can I just say that Adrien/Kagami is the weirdest ship for me? They have a few cute scenes and I think if they’d spend a lot more time together, they’d do each other good but I don’t know how they work. “No Hesitation” Kagami would lob Adrien’s head straight off with all his…everything. If we are meant to take Adrien’s love for LB seriously (and I guess we have to because how in the name of sanity is any form of the stated endgame gonna work otherwise???), how does Kagami fit into that picture as a girl who can hardly express emotions while Adrien is the definition of a  guy who can not stop flirting or goes for all kinds of romantic gestures? Sometimes it feels more like a “social fit” and “Mommy/Daddy approves” kind of deal which is quite the shame! Normally I like these kind of relationships in fictions but they need a solid underlining or good development. One they haven’t and one the series has not been giving to anyone so far.

Yeah, the whole thing with the love square versus side ships ends up feeling extremely forced. Keeping Luka away and forcing Adrien into Lukanette episode are the biggest giveaways, basically a big fat sign that says, “We know Marinette would forget that Adrien exists if she hung around Luka for more than five minutes.”

AND YEAH, KAGAMI WOULDN’T PUT UP WITH ADRIEN’S GARBAGE. I liked Adrimi but it’s definitely more flawed than Lukanette.

Anonymous said:

Watched your opinion on the New York special and I agree with you. It was mediocre at best. It could have been something nice, like if they added Kagami and Luka, for example, so that we can get a bit of development from the new couples on season 4, so that it doesn’t feel rushed when they start dating on season 4. It could also be a good opportunity to see the other temporary heroes one last time, since Marinette technically has the miracle box.

They could have had an epic fight with the American Superheroes, maybe even giving the bee miraculous temporally to Aeon or Jess so that we didn’t need to see their awful and uncreative superheroes designs. It would have been nice if they made something more useful other than being characters that believe that Adrien and Marinette are “Meant to be”, like, we already got a ton of these already, couldn’t we get someone who didn’t feel something about this ship? It has so much wasted potential that I don’t even know how to start. Do you agree with anything I said?

I agree, yes. They could’ve easily thrown Luka/Kagami into the mix (or had Marinette/Adrien stay behind while flipping perspectives or something; flawed but they could make it work).

Anonymous said:

I'm rereading ladybugout and wow... the moment of silence after "chat deserves that kiss" gets me every time. Everyone stopping and just staring because wow he really just said that

Me whenever Chat Noir opens his mouth in the show.

Anonymous said:

I saw the Backwarder post you just talked about and yes, it is so totally ridiculous. They forgot another thing, though. Miraculous isn't just about comedy, action, and romance, it's about embarrassing Marinette. And the fact that almost everyone in the comments was acting like the medicine scene at the end was funny was just stupid and saddening to hear or read about, because it shows how people have been conditioned to hate and rally against Marinette without even realizing it. Granted, there was one lady who said it reminded her of her husband, so I guess that's okay(but all it means is that Adrien will be Marinette's--aka "his lady's"--husband like eeerrrgh!). And there was one person who said they liked that Juleka's advice because "If you're friend isn't willing to commit crimes for your happiness, is she even your friend?". But everyone else liked the ending. And I don't get the person who said we got "Subtle progression with Adrien and Marinette". We're right where we started.

Weeeeell, I understand the “comedy, action, romance” comment because all of those basically boil down to embarrassing Marinette or invalidating her. Comedy and romance goes without saying while action involves her dealing with Chat “Nice Guy” Noir.

Anonymous said:

Is it just me, or does Snow White's "Red Shoes" form look a lot like Marinette. I know, I know, Marinette is Chinese and Red Shoes is Korean, but they still look strikingly similar. They're bodies are really similar, too, but that might just be because animation tends to use eerily similar body types for its female characters on a whole. It's sad and it makes me think of how cute Marinette would be if she was fat. I also think Snow White was cuter than Red Shoes but that's kind of the point.

I think it’s the body type thing but that’s just a guess since I didn’t immediately make the connection.

I agree that Snow White is cuter.

Anonymous said:

Am I the only one who's never liked "destined to fail" characters? Basically this is when characters aren't allowed to be good at/succeed at something or else the whole universe will somehow fall apart. Think of how in The Amazing World of Gumball, if Richard gets a job, the world will be in complete and utter chaos. So he's better off as a lazy, bumbling dad. In Phineas and Ferb, Candace is always trying to rat out her younger brothers but if she gives up or succeeds something bad will happen.

TV Tropes put it the best: "Not only is she not allowed to succeed, but she's also not allowed to stop trying!"(conveniently under the Cosmic Plaything trope). I just don't like it because it shows that the writers just want to lead them on with the promise of success then snatch it away at the last minute. And now we're back at Miraculous Ladybug, where Marinette is humiliated every time she doesn't sign a gift that's for Adrien, and yet when she does, everyone in Paris DIES. Except for...HIM.

you: *mentions Candace*

me: [a million awful flashbacks]

Also, yeah, it’s so hard to watch, especially in “Chat Blanc” because it’s like, “Oh, you want to give a gift to a boy and you dArEd to use your powers for it? Congrats, but everyone else is DEAD and you can hang out with him as much as you want! You’re welcome!”

Anonymous said:

I think it’d become a “faintest idea blackout card”rather than a bingo.

(referring to my “Faintest Idea” card)

We’re getting there.

darkmoonravewolf said:

I hate that everything on that list could happen and very likely will

(referring to “Didn’t Need Burrow”)

Yeah, and it makes me sad :’)

Anonymous said:

That’s be real here. Miraculous ladybug is not a show about Marinette; Miraculous Ladybug is a show about Adrien. Adrien is the real main character.

Notice that when they focused on Adrien in “Lies,” they only cut back to Marinette (IN A SCENE THAT CAN’T EXIST) to have her fawn over him.

Anonymous said:

Is it just me or are Lady Noire's eyes huge? Maybe it's just the green but they seem way bigger than Marinette's

I’m not sure, but considering Rena’s facial structure being different from Alya’s, it wouldn’t surprise me.

asexual-individual said:

With what you've said about Adrien lacking a reason to exist outside of development for Marinette and Gabriel, I have to wonder how different the show would be if Chat Noir's identity was also kept from the audience. Adrien would still be there as himself, but he only gets as much focus as Alya, and Chat Noir's identity is treated as a mystery (a Tuxedo Mask type mystery, but a mystery all the same).

I see what you mean but it might cause Adrien+Chat’s screentime to feel excessive once the reveal happens, because suddenly their screentime gets combined and it’s like, “oh wow so the combined screentime is his then.”

Anonymous said:

I know that the kwami's really only exist so we can hear our protagonists' thoughts outloud (like what the Coraline movie did with adding Wybie to the story). But honestly, what's the point in having magical gods in the jewelry if you're not going to do anything with them?

Marketing with “cute” side characters.

guisendisguise said:

It's funny, originally, I had shipped Marichat in the sense that Chat and Mari start hanging out and both fall in love with the other's supposedly less perfect, more real selves. Then Luka was introduced and I ended up putting both lukanette and marichat at the same level. Then S3 hit and killed any love I had for Marichat. The writers themselves killed the Love Square for me. At this point, it's very clear they are living in a delusion where the Love Square could ever work narratively without Deus ex Machina or Deus Lo Vult (God wills it). Basically, they've gone past scraping the bottom of the writing skills barrel and are now shoulder deep in the hole they dug thru the bottom of said barrel. I'd like to point out that the bottom of the barrel is writing poop and now they're digging thru the useless plastic landfill the barrel was sitting on top of

Uggggh, yeah. Any appreciation I could’ve had for Marichat died in “Weredad.” I already didn’t like Adrien/Chat and then “Weredad” just showed his complete lack of... well, ANYTHING.

cosmostellar said:

Honestly feels like MLBs writers are going based off the "JUST IMAGINE EVERY POC CHARACTER YOU'RE WRITING AS WHITE" instead of, yknow, fleshing them out while developing them also in the context of their cultures and giving them these little things that the audiences who belong to the same minority can identify with. I don't mean "have Marinette walk in qipao 24/7" bcs thats just... bad on its own but man, /some/ casual acknowledgments of her culture would be nice.

Reading the sentence “JUST IMAGINE EVERY POC CHARACTER YOU'RE WRITING AS WHITE” physically hurts me.

Anonymous said:

Ok, I've always thought that Chloe was robbed of redemption (they held it in front of us, but then jerked it away while Astruc says, "She's irredeemable! We thought she was redeemable, but she wasn't :)!" What are your thoughts! Also, I just recently found your blog and I really like it :)

Thank you!

But I have no sympathy for bully characters, so I didn’t want Chloe redeemed. Maybe I’m still bitter about my own bullying experience, but I just wasn’t here for Marinette being forced to forgive Chloe, which is basically what they did until they backpedaled.

The time spent on her was wasted though and that I can agree on.

Anonymous said:

Me: Writes a 1k rant about how the tweet makes no sense as the "mistake" is about motivation and not the critical plot. Also me: Remembers that in MLB the plot always comes back to the romance. Finally me: Wonders why he got involved with the series post-S3 when all the red flags were already everywhere.

Mistakes were made.

Anonymous said:

I'm semi-catching up on miraculous, and- is it my impression, or does Kagami rebel against her mother more in few episodes she's in (even though her mother's influences on her seem to be stronger in general), than Adrien in the entire show? I /know/ that I don't want to see Adrien free himself from his father w/ the desperation I want to see Kagami free herself from her mother and realize that the standards she's held up to are unhealthy and too strong.

Yeah, I’m way more invested in Kagami than Adrien.

Anonymous said:

Am I the only one confused about whether the staff stopped caring and half-asses the series or cares too much and over-produces the hell out of it?

Nah. It really feels like they secretly hate the love square so they have to keep forcing it.

Anonymous said:

ngl I haven't watched any new episodes since Chameleon and I've been getting all that Miraculous News via tumblr to avoid that Marinette Brand Second Hand Embarrassment™

Understandable.

Anonymous said:

If they aired the 6th one first WHAT WHAT HAPPENED TO LEAD UP TO THIS???? WE ARE ON SEASON FOUR WITH TWO SPEICALS, GETTING A THIRD, AND ANY DEVELOPMENT WE HAD HAS GONE BACKWARDS, SUCKED, OR STATUS QUO YO-ED AWAY!!!!! HOW THE HECK DO WE GET ADRIENETTE FROM FOUR SEASONS OF NOTHING?????? I USED TO FANGIRL AT THIS NOW I AM TERRIFIED.

Answer: We don’t get Adrienette. We get forced love square and rushed/fake “development” of it while being constantly confused as episodes air out of order.

Anonymous said:

im sorry But adrienette has been suck in this limbo of one sidedness for 3 seasons. neither of them have become closer, neither of them have confided in one another, but somehow people still ship it? at least luka was able to make a move on marinette lol adrien still repeats the same boring “shes just a friend” line. adrienette is a really boring ship.

lol don’t apologize, you’re absolutely right.

nahte123456 said:

Very minor bit of salt to throw to the pile, but can this show just decide on how strong Miraculous holders are? Yes it's a cartoon and not the focus but in the Furious Fu episode we literally get Ladybug dodging lighting and then Su who seems mostly human and is at least slower then Fu was outspeeding her. It's distracting trying to figure out what is and isn't a serious threat in this show.

The deciding factor in the strength of the miraculous holders is “whatever works for the plot.”

Anonymous said:

At this point the only thing I'm excited for concerning Miraculous Ladybug is when it gets a reboot in like, a decade with actually competent writers

Best case scenario is that Zag goes bankrupt and Disney/Netflix picks up the series and gives it to competent people.

Problem is that the love square has been ruined so badly for me that even a “good” version of it wouldn’t be something I’d be into, but still.

Anonymous said:

Honestly, the problem with having all of Marinette's mistakes result in huge disasters (ex. Feast), is that is gives off the impression that teenagers aren't allowed to make mistakes. This show clearly doesn't like giving second chances to the protagonist, so why would life give one to you? Am I right, kids?

Exactly.

Marinette makes mistakes and suddenly the world is ending.

Anonymous said:

If your gonna watch the show, at least pirate the episodes so the writers dont get your support

Don’t worry, I have no interest in financially supporting the show.

Anonymous said:

ml in a nutshell: wasted potential, then giving themselves more potential, only to turn the rest of it into a dumpster fire

Yup, that’s it.

Anonymous said:

u know, when My Little Pony, Sofia The First, and fanfiction carries out character development, respect, romance, and the main plot better than the original show, especially when the shows mentioned above are aimed more at little girls and the original show is aimed at slightly older audiences... somethings wrong

*sigh*

And then it’s like--people will excuse the show because “it’s a kids’ show” and then I’m just “okay then, why are there actually good kids’ show?”

If shows get a pass for being for children then all childrens’ shows should just not try and be garbage since the standard is so low.

Anonymous said:

ive seen some cool fic ideas/concepts/reviews that made me think: ml could use so much more looking into how a character thinks in some situations. one fic i read had alya in chameleon (i know its been forever since the ep came out but hey) not question lila cus she thought: "hey, lb wouldnt befriend a bad person" w and added a plot line of lila making her think lb was cobsidering replacing rena rougue. like, just a few lines to make them seem better pls?

YES. Like, show us characters’ perspectives and why they’re rolling with the facts that they’re rolling with, otherwise they just end up looking like jerks.

We sort of got it in “Ikari Gozen” with Kagami but of course it was just to make Marinette look bad.

Anonymous said:

You know I’m honestly considering making reviews of this show and if I do I could create hour long rants about the show just from that mans twitter.

Yeaaaaaah, once you had in the Twitter stuff, it just becomes, “okay so this is going to add another hour or two then.”

Anonymous said:

Okay one thing that bothers me is how plain marinette's suits are despite being a DESIGNER. Her multimouse suit it just blocks of color and her ladynoir suit is just grey with green lines. I think the lines are supposed to represent actually clothes. Like the limes on the calves are supposed to make it look like boots but why not actually GIVE her boots. (Right, because she has to have a skintight suit unlike the boys who get some layers.)

THE SHEER DISRESPECT OF HAVING THE FASHION DESIGNER WEAR SUCH A PLAIN SUIT.

It also goes to show who really designs here, like oh, interesting, the girls get skin-tight simplistic bodysuits and the boys gets all the cool stuff--

Anonymous said:

I heard some people in my class saying they watched Miraculous Ladybug for the first time, and they were saying how good it was, and I was like: 'Oh you poor fools. You have NO idea what it's truly like.'

You know what they say: ignorance is bliss.

bat-anon said:

Isn’t it INTERESTING how in Frozer, Luka understands that Marinette is torn between her crushes and continues to support her even though he knows she probably won’t chose him, and in the exact same episode Chat Noir refuses to help save the city because Ladybug told him AGAIN that she wasn’t romantically interested in him? HMMM 🤔😑

dbfgjbdfjkgf

I’M REMINDED OF “FELIX” WHERE IT’S LIKE--THEY WERE CLEARLY TRYING TO SHOW HOW MUCH “BETTER” CHAT NOIR IS THAN FELIX, BUT LUKA WAS THE RESPECTFUL ONE.

Anonymous said:

You know what I want to see? An evil kwami, like they just want to commit crimes. No moral high grounds, just chaotic evil.

That’d be amazing just because I wouldn’t be able to take them seriously.

Anonymous said:

Watching S1 and S3 episodes back to back, it feels like reading salt fics at times, especially in regards to the L². Like, Marinette was happy about weird plans, she both needed and wanted the final push, and most of the time there was at least something coming out of it. Nowadays it just makes her sad, Alya and the girls act *against* her, and we get shipping for shipping's sake.

That’s a good point. The shift from Seasons 1 to 2 to 3 is rather noticeable.

Anonymous said:

I hate how Adrien's busy schedule seems to only matter when it's used to make Marinette feel bad, but the second Marinette has a bit more to do, it somehow has a negative effect on not only her, but also everyone/everything she cares about, like, what's up with that??

I’m reminded of “Lies” here and I hate it. :|

Anonymous said:

Honestly, the way the show treats teenage girls is horse ass. The show treats the teenage girls of this show as if they're stupid, naive, emotional, clumsy, and need a boy to tell them what opinions to have. Marinette is always treated like the show's punching bag and blamed for everything that goes wrong because she's "emotional" or "obsessed with Adrien", Chloe could've been redeemed but the writers would rather keep her a brain-dead Alpha Bitch Valley Girl(even though Gabriel and Felix, the latter of whom is a teenage boy introduced in one episode, get to be treated as redeemable, despite the things they do being far, far worse), and Lila is a conniving, self-absorbed fox.

And even though Kagami seems better, she's still roped into the "girls catfight over an oblivious guy" cliche and so far, all of her akumatizations have been because of Adrien. Whenever Marinette tries to move on from Adrien the other characters tell her what's good for her and steer her in the "right" direction because she apparently can't think for herself, and the writers LOVE to use the girl squad to tell us who Marinette should be with, because they apparently know better than she does.

Plus the show loves to treat all the girls as the same, making them all either fight over Adrien or be obsessed with shipping, as if teenage girls are all one assimilating, homogenized group(also when they treat Marinette as if she's "just as bad as Chloe", rinse and repeat for the other ladies.). Honestly, the show feels like it was written by those types of people who think "teenage girls are the worst" so they make them all mood-swingy, obsessive, showoffs, emotional, and downright clingy.

Plus the way Thomas Astruc talks about the female characters on Twitter is even worse, and only serves to make this more evident: he claims Marinette "has poor control over her emotions"(all the while calling Adrien "perfect"), that Chloe was racist in Kung Food "because she's stupid"(so rather than having that scene serve as a lesson on respecting other's cultures, he just did it to pick on Chloe and make her look "stupid"), that she's incapable of being redeemed, that Lila's unlikable but Gabriel and Felix aren't(even though he claimed Felix was a terrible character and a "cliche", that's not what the show says my guy), and other such nonsense.

Other Twitter users have also called out Miraculous Ladybug and its stereotypical treatment of teenage girls. The only shows I've ever seen do this worse are those pretentious "darker" Magical Girl "deconstructions" aimed at grown men such as Madoka Magica and Yuki Yuna, as well as most shonen/seinen shows such as Naruto and Death Note, which says a lot. Honestly, whenever I feel like watching a show with empowering and respectful depictions of teenage girls that treats them as bright and intelligent and actually unique from one another, I just watch Equestria Girls, Liv and Maddie, LoliRock, ANT Farm, Moesha, PreCure, or Sailor Moon. Because the way the show acts towards them is deplorable, absolutely deplorable.

Yes to all of the above. Almost all of the girls are involved in love affairs in some way, the two teenage girls are irredeemable while Felix got a sympathetic backstory right away (Chloe took forever to get hers which is a failure), and Marinette is flawed because she’s “too emotional” (a misogynistic stereotype).

Anonymous said:

Hi, I'm the anon who got upset at the lady who made the "Miraculous Ladybug is a Mess" rant, and yes, thank you zodiacspirit17 for liking and agreeing with my rant! I'm glad someone else saw that video! And ugh, Marinette learning to love Chat Noir? Really? I don't remember that line but I also don't want to go back and revisit it to make sure so I'll take your word for it. Ew. That was actually one of the things I hated about the Glaciator scene. Chat was supposedly comforting Marinette by taking her to the rooftop where he planned Ladybug's date, and yet only Marinette finds out about Chat's crush on Ladybug and comforts him on that(while rethinking her feelings), while all Chat knows is that Marinette's heart was also broken. He never asks who it is, or tries to help her get over her crush even if he doesn't know it's coincidentally him.

I know it's because of the "love square" but it's unfair that only Chat's love problems are directly addressed. Come to think of it, the reason Chat took Marinette to the rooftop...I know he was doing it in-universe to help her instead of intruding on her personal feelings(which might have also been why he didn't ask her who her crush was, he was probably thinking along the lines of "we don't have to talk about it right now, we can just have fun!"), but meta-wise, since we know she's Ladybug, the writers were probably trying to tell her "See? This is what you could've been doing, but you missed it. Shame on you!" That's a huge issue I have with the show: characters will do things in-universe to help Marinette, but the show has a different motive in mind. Compare to how Tikki gave actual advice to Marinette in Puppeteer 2, but the writers intended that for the statue scene so they could embarrass her in front of Adrien and the thousands of eyes watching the show(except we're not laughing.). Even if characters do support her, the writer is using them as props for her ritualized humiliation. And yet Luka is the problem somehow.

If Marinette needs to learn how to love Chat Noir, then it should at least be balanced out by Adrien learning to Marinette. I'm sick of this double standard that "girls need to learn to accept boys who like them but guys can do what they want". Another thing she said was that "Marinette needs to learn to define herself outside of who she's crushing on." NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. You see, unlike Adrien, Marinette HAS a life outside of who she's crushing on: she has school, she has Kitty Section, she has her "girl squad", she has her parents, she has her outside family, she babysits Alya's and Nino's siblings, and she has OH YEAH HER FASHION DESIGNING! I didn't even count being a superhero since Adrien does that, too. She has so many things to do outside of Adrien, and yet the fact that she makes gifts for Adrien or dreams about Adrien or wants to have kids with Adrien somehow makes her nothing but an "Adrien fangirl"?

First of all, she's the bloody protagonist?! That's such a "Real Women Don't Wear Dresses" argument, that she can't have her own life AND be in love at the same time! And somehow her crushing on Luka also means her life revolves around him, too! But Adrien's life doesn't revolve around Ladybug even though he doesn't really have anything going for him in his ordinary life? Outside of being rich, hot, white, and male, that is? What are his interests and hobbies, besides what Gabriel lets him do to pass the time? He doesn't even like modeling! And the Agreste plot is more about Gabriel, Emilie, and Nathalie than it is about him.

And what about his friendship with Nino? He didn't even care that Nino was getting strung along by Lila with the others! What about his friendship with Chloe that also waxes and wanes? Granted, Chloe's not a GOOD person, which that lady acknowledged, but she at least tried to change and has more development than him, the writers just won't let her change. I hate when people come for Marinette for doing literally anything when the show won't let her have agency and progress. It's so unfair of her and I wish they could see that. These double standards are driving me insane and they're sexist(maybe even a little bit racist, too), and it hurts even more when a woman's doing those things.

(I had to cut off some of this ask because I didn’t get all of it, so I cut it off at the point where it still seemed like a full ask.)

I FEEL THE “GLACIATOR” THING SO BAD. It hurts even worse when you realize that “Frozer” has to take place after “Glaciator,” so Chat Noir heard that Marinette has love problems and then ignored it to ask her for advice about his own love problems later on. The total lack of insensitivity???

Also, the idea that Marinette’s life would revolve around her crush on Luka is stupid. It’s the exact opposite, in fact.

Meanwhile, Adrien has so little going for him and the “interesting” parts of him involve who he’s connected to or what his father has forced him into.

[djemsostylist]

Djem's Legion Thoughts

About three years ago my brother joking suggested I read the Horus Heresy, knowing literally nothing about Warhammer. (Literally nothing. I just thought Space Marines were big dudes in armor and I had never heard of Primarchs and I still know nothing of 40k. Have no idea how the Heresy ends--I'm spoiler free babes.) Anyway, what follows are my feelings on each Legion at the following times:

As of midway through Fulgrim

At the end of First Heretic

At the start of the Master of Mankind

Halfway through the Siege

This is very long. I'm not sorry.

Dark Angels

idk I haven’t met them yet, but their name tells me they are either going to be amazing or fucking awful

Um I still dk

God I fucking love these stupid idiots. Like, they are stupid, for sure, but I dunno, I dig their bizarre sort of pseudosecrecy thing. Plus, aesthetically I’m all about weird monk orders. Also, nothing kills me quite like Farith Redloss having anxiety attacks over trying to figure out Lion.

Corswain showing up like the living embodiment of the dude with the pizza where the apartment is on fire is just so deeply on brand for these chucklefucks like, Lion is all “I’m deeply uncomfortable where Imperial Secundus is concerned so instead I’ll just go ahead and attack home planets because that will demoralize the traitors and then I’m Doing My Part” like fam, pretty much all the traitors sans Perturabo are actual literal demons rn and they all had zero qualms betraying their immediate brothers and also the emperor (and Perturabo already fucked over his own) why in the livid fuck would you think this is in any way helpful, but this is Classic Lion and I love him now on account of that one time when he hugged Roboute because he was proud of him and also because he calls all of his sons “Little Brother” bc he is afraid of being a dad and also because I too am deeply avoidant of issues I don’t want to deal with.

Emperor's Children

mostly wonderful, because they are fabulous and also extremely extra, but they have the most ginourmous fuckwad as a Lord Commander, BUT they have a very good boy as another one, so idk really. Plus the whole betrayal thing and the fucking lodges, but they are purple and fabulous, so, +1?

These are the saddest boys ever in the whole world, and they didn’t deserve what happened to them. I loved them all except for Eidolon and they didn’t deserve anything bad to happen to them ever bc they were precious and I loved them. Also Fabius because he was bugnuts and he hurt my boys.

Jesus, I’m so fucking over them all

Honestly I’m so tired

Iron Warriors

I totally confused them with the Iron Hands. Idk even, boring? But Perturabo (while he has a fucking terrible name) also hates Horus so +15

I still know nothing about them, but I think they are buttholes because of the whole Isstvan V thing. Dick move guys, dick move.

I literally can’t. Like, their entire shtick is besieging and being besieged, and then being pissy bc it is what they are good at???? Like, they are literally traitoring bc their dad got a hair up his ass bc he wasn’t a good independent thinker and didn’t think he was allowed to build castles or whatever? Idk they are exhausting except for the ones that aren’t

I still don’t really get them at all except like 99% of them who aren’t named Barabas Dantioch are asshats and are not independent thinkers who are literally still traitoring for reasons unknown except to stick it to the emperor like?? Get an actual culture??? Just literally stop???

White Scars

I dunno, haven’t met them, but since no one else talks about them, I’m gonna guess, boring?

I dunno but they are worried about them hooking up with the Rout so I guess they are cool?

Oh bless your tiny little souls. They are so sweet, and so, so dumb. But sweet.

They are very, very good boys. They don’t have a ton of range per say but their simplicity is sort of the point I think. They are what space marines are supposed to be, and I love them for that

Space Wolves

ehm, oh, I’m sorry, The Rout. Whateverthefuck, they’re boring, over-the-top fuckheads who are giant fucking hypocrites who suck and probably don’t ever shower. Honestly, they rival the Emperor’s Children in extraness, and not in the loveable way. Fucking awful, 0/10.

Okay, honestly, not as awful as some. I mean, hella extra and I hate what they did at Prospero, but in a world full of awful things, we gotta pick and choose.

They are just so, so...Space Wolfy. Bless them they try, and some of them legit crack me up. I’m just not about their aesthetic, you know?

Much like the other fuckups amongst the Loyalists, they are a blunt instrument used for a specific purpose and do better with like...direct instruction. I’m saying they are not the kind to do well with metaphor and also a lack of like, a dad. They need TE:BBA is what I’m saying.

Imperial Fists

Literally only met them briefly, but they seem a good sort. I like their Primarch? -3 tho cause damn that color scheme.

Still good boys.

Omg I love you all, you precious little bbs. They are just so calm and stoic and honestly even though yellow is a hideous color they are literally like Templars and that is fantastic?????

Listen, the amount of love that I have in my heart for these precious, perfect boys is rivaled only by my love for Rogal Dorn, who might possibly be, and I don’t wanna sound dramatic here, be the love of my life but anyway.

Night Lords

idk but their name sounds sick.

Right, these guys are also dicks. I hate them on principle.

Every time I think of them all I can think of is that one video of the goths dancing under the bridge. They are so. Fucking. Extra. Christ alive, get a hobby that isn’t fucking skinning people.

Yeah idk they still mostly suck and to be perfectly honest I’m still not entirely sure what their point was, even pre-heresy? Like what role did psychopaths play in TE:BBA’s plan for a glorious human empire, someone explain

Blood Angels

I dunno cause I’ve only ever met their First Captain (who was consorting with fuckheads) but Sanguinius is literally Top Tier Fabulous, like Prince Extra, so I hope they don’t let me down

I’m still holding out hope. Don’t let me down boys.

OH. MY. GOD. Honestly, kill me, I love them so, so, so, so, so much, it’s a lot. And I suspect something terrible will happen with them but I don’t care because they are perfect. All of them. Wonderful, perfect, lovely, caring boys who love their dad and I love them. Sweet, loving, precious little bbs who occasionally suffer from tragic vampiric tendencies but I don’t love them any less. They better stay perfect forever. If I could, I would be like Sangy and just take them all everywhere with me so that they could always be safe <3 On a less gushy note, I think one of the most important aspects of the Blood Angels (and of their primarch) is that while they acknowledge their differences from unmodified humans, they also love humanity, deeply. They see them as worth fighting for and protecting, and acknowledge that their abilities allow them to create a universe that is safe for the common man to live in. There is a sort of profound love and tenderness that they have for humanity, and I think it really does make a difference in their legion. (That scene is Master of Mankind with the Blood Angel and the Custodian really highlights what I’m saying here.)

Listen, this may sound dramatic, and I don’t wanna like, go over the top, but I would literally die for them, which would seem counterproductive since that is what they do for humanity but the amount of love of I have for this entire legion and one Angel is too big to contain in my heart okay

Iron Hands

I don’t know them well yet, but they seem like good boys overall. I’m sure one of them is bound to be a crazy fucker tho.

They are good boys. I don’t know them very well, but my favorite moment is when Ferrus had to thank Lorgar for his help so he made him a crozius and then threw it at him because he didn’t want to have to talk awkwardly.

Poor sad bbs

No, but really, poor sad bbs

World Eaters

literally terrible people, but I guess when your Dad is bugnuts….

Definitely should have been put down. As in to death. They should have been killed. Probably.

Still fucking crazy. But I love Kharn, and honestly Lotara (who I know isn’t technically a World Eater but close enough.)

No but they probably should have all been just euthanized? I mean not Kharn bc I love him but also like--they are not viable. Long term? Tbh still not entirely sure what TE:BBA’s plan was here with them and Angron (I’m gonna assume something along the lines of ignore it and hope it goes away, since that is mostly his plan for everything)

Ultramarines

probably enormous squares, but tbh in a galaxy with World Eaters and the Rout, we could do with some squares.

Honestly, I have no issues with them. They do their duty, they are loyal. I hope to love them though. They actually believe in colors.

HOLY FUCK DO I LOVE THEM. ALL 200,000 OF THEM. (Which is probably what Roboute thinks tbh.) Like, I literally haven’t met a single one that I don’t adore and love with my whole soul and entire being. They are precious, soft, beautiful bbs who I adore with my whole heart. And who will make great leaders of the world someday I’m so proud. On a less gushy note, much like the Blood Angels, the Ultramarines really have a sort of profound feeling of protection and duty towards humans. They may not always like dealing with them, but Roboute is of the firm belief that they must understand what they are truly fighting for. Saving humanity is not enough, you have to fight for the humans who live there. (See, the one short story where they find a baby and I died.)

No but what you don’t quite get is that I literally love them. Every single individual solitary one of them, and while some may say “But Djem such a thing is impossible you haven’t met every Ultramarine” I need you to understand that the depth of my love for them and their Primarch is such that I know, in my bones, that I don’t need to meet them all to love them okay bc I already do.

Death Guard

Okay, so honestly I wanted to hate them (because BETRAYAL) but tbh its only the First and Second Captains who suck a lot and idk really the rest are sort of tragically precious??

Seriously, what is Mortarion’s issue?

No, seriously, what the fuck is their problem? Get the fuck over it.

Okay, I do feel bad. For Mortarian. Of all the traitors, him I understand the most. However, that being said, while I can understand his issues, I feel like giving yourself over to demons, turning into actual demons, and also turning on and killing your brothers who refused to become said demons makes you terrible awful people who really need to like, die.

Thousand Sons

okay, I fucking love these lame Warrior Monk Priest Wizards who live in a literal glass city with restaurants and teach random people Tai Chi in the park or whatever. Overall 10/10

I am v. worried that they are going to do something dumb like join the rebellion in order to affect change from the inside and then like, adopt demons or something. Pls don’t be dumb boys.

I don’t even fucking--look, I’m just tired okay?

What the fuck Azhek. No seriously, ⅞ is good enough? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Sons of Horus? Luna Wolves? who the fuck knows

my precious sons. You did not deserve what was done to you. This is why we don’t do frats. I believed in you and you failed me. D:

I love my precious sons. The Sons of Horus however, can go die.

I just--why are you the way you are?

I think the best thing about these absolute morons is that half the legion isn’t even demon fuckers, they just woke up one day and Horus told them to kill their brothers and they went “sure okay” and then just did. They are so fucking pretentious and stupid, fucking speartip, honestly die. I take it back. You all deserved exactly what you got, you dumb fucks.

Word Bearers

look, I haven’t met the rest of these dudes yet, but Erebus is a terrible fucking ambassador. -60/10 for not controlling their boy

HOLY LORD. I cannot--there are not actually words to describe how much I loathe these ignorant dumbasses. Like, seriously. Honestly, the ones who were purged were probably lucky, because the rest of them fucking suck.

God, eat a fucking landmine. Except, that would probably turn them on or something. Fucking assholes.

Just--imagine being such a fuckup that even when you were the first to the “become a demon, save the world” thing you still somehow ended up last. I hope the Ultramarines put down every. Single. One.

Salamanders

idk but this name is dumb. Salamanders are cute and slimy, and while Astartes are fucking adorable, they are not slimy. -1 for the dumb name

They are loyal, which is cool, and they seem like chill bros.

I just, like, they are sweet, but good lord are they simple.

I’m not sure? What they are doing? With their lives? Guys, idk if anyone told you but like, um. There is a war. And I get they’ve had it rough but also the loyalists could use their hope so maybe, idk. Do something? I mean I know there are like, 50 of you left and also you think your dad is dad and I feel you but like-

Raven Guard

idk but I like Ravens and Black, plus their Primarch’s name is Corvus? 11/10 they better not suck.

OMG I love Corvus?? Flies with a giant jetpack and tried to gut Lorgar? Yeah, he’s wonderful. Plus, their Captain seemed cool before he was fucking murdered.

I love them all, bless. They are sweet and simple and kind of stupid, but they make me feel things in my heart, so like, idk, stay precious.

Look, I cried over Branne fucking Nev, I don’t wanna talk about it rn

Alpha Legion

seriously? Lame.

Fuck these guys. What is their deal?

I can’t even really. I really, truly can’t. Nothing has ever satisfied me the way I was satisfied when Alpharius literally lost his head. God, that was beautiful.

Or Omegon? It was actually Omegon? I don’t even know anymore man

[cross-d-a]

fic tag game

aaahhh @vishcount thank you for tagging me!!! These are so fun and I adored reading about your fic journey~!  ೖ(⑅σ̑ᴗσ̑)ೖ ❤

OH as a note!! For the ppl I tag at the end I don’t expect you to read all of this bc it’s A Lot!!! but I figured you might want to do this game yourself? haha :)

Name: cross-d-a shortened version of my first ever username. unfortunately stuck with it now haha but i’m fond of it :p wish it was cuter tho!!

Posting the rest of this under the cut so it doesn’t eat up people’s dashes!! 

(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Fandoms: 

oKAY YIKES there are....honestly too many too name. I’ve got a short and obsessive attention span so it’s either all or nothing with me usually. When I can stay in a fandom for a long period of time it’s a miracle. I’ll name the bigger ones that I’ve all written fic for! Even if I’ve never posted them haha

Right now I’m very firmly into Daomu Biji (dmbj). It feels like it’s both got a crap ton of content and yet barely anything at all haha. Maybe because the English fandom is so small. But at least there are a bunch of dramas and books!!! I really, really, really adore dmbj so much!! And a large part of that is the fandom!!! It's been a really cool and unique experience! Everyone in it is truly so kind and wonderful, and I’ve made some really incredible friends because of it (looking at you vish!! ❤). I’ve got a bunch of wips, but I’ve only posted two fics for dmbj!

Before this I was very into Guardian and mdzs. MDZS was my first foray into cdramas and Guardian’s Zhu Yilong really suckered me into watching more haha I also have fics for both these fandoms!

My very first fandoms were Fullmetal Alchemist, D. Gray-Man and Naruto. My very old ffnet account has fics for these and I’ve got a bunch of newer wips on my tablet. Then Star Trek, Twilight, BBC Merlin, Sherlock, Death Note, Harry Potter, How to Train Your Dragon, Battlestar Galactica, Avatar the Last Airbender and Marvel were a few of my main ones in high school. Plus a bunch of anime (like Fruits Basket! and Kuroshitsuji and Natsume Yuujinchou). 

Then college hit and I renewed my childhood love of Tolkien (mainly lotr and the Hobbit), and Star Wars. I also found Teen Wolf! Then after college it was Stranger Things. 

I find myself in a cycle of mild fondness and complete obsession with these fandoms haha I go back to Star Wars at least once a year!! Then I’m in the gffa hole for a few months. Marvel also reoccurs, depending on how interested I am in new content! Star Trek I always always always go back to. TOS is my comfort show and it will never fade from my heart ❤

But for now I’m stuck in cdrama hell and I love it

Tropes: 

Time travel, found family, whump+hurt/comfort, fairytale-like elements, resurrective immortality (thanks to a “Nine Lives” Hobbit fic), CROSSOVERS

I’m a slut for all these things so they often worm their way into my plots haha

I also just- love weird premises. I think that’s the anime influencing me haha

Fic I spent most time on: 

My series he leaves sand and stardust in my wake (main fic is hurricane on the edge of oblivion), I have...spent five years on now. I have done so much research for this fic it’s insane. 

The premise is force ghost!Obi-Wan getting shunted back into his tiny 10 year old self. I incorporate a shit ton of legends and I try to stay as canon as possible. I basically want this au to feel like it’s 1000% plausible while still getting all my gay shit. It’s chock full of whump, redemption, found family, minor characters turning into major characters, and I’ve got slavery uprising on the mind, too. It’s just- everything I could ever want to explore in the Star Wars universe basically. 

It’s my first big project. I started doodling and scribbling ideas in the margins of my notebook in my Scottish History class. I adore it so so so much. But, because of my hyperfixation and fleeting intense obsession with things it makes it- really difficult to consistently update. I leave it for months at a time and I am constantly guilt-ridden about it. Because it’s my baby and I have a lot of wonderful readers. I fear I’ll never be able to finish it. Especially since I’ve written so much and I’m still only in the beginning of it. ( ; A ; )

Also, I’ve spent so much time with Xanatos, Feemor and Bruck that they just feel like mine now. I can’t read any fics that involve them, it’s too strange. Which is a damn shame because I love them so much haha OH ALSO!! I think it’s the first really big fic to include those three?? So I’m very proud about that haha (I’ve had so many ppl comment about how they actually Give A Shit about these three and are Invested bc of me haha)

Favorite fic(s) you’ve written: 

hurricane on the edge of oblivion (with nowhere to go) (Star Wars)

My long-term passion project. My love-letter to Star Wars, I suppose. Reading it now I feel like a lot of it is clunky or long-winded, but I think it really shows the foundation of my writing today :) Main characters are Obi-Wan, Xanatos Du Crion, Qui-Gon Jinn, Bruck Chun and Feemor. Eventually we’ll get to Maul, Savage, Feral, Shmi Skywalker, (more!) Ahsoka, Anakin and a shit ton of clones ❤

things we hunger for (Guardian)

My Ye Zun self-indulgent fic. It’s a time travel amnesia Weilanzun! Honestly has some of my fav writing I’ve ever done. It’s so soft and really indulges in the hurt/comfort. It gives Ye Zun the friends and family I think he deserves. Also, he gets to grow into a (mostly!) functional person and I adore him.

the beast that slumbers within your soul (mdzs)

Jiang Cheng centric fic!! I feel like all my favourite fics I’ve written are love letters haha. This is one def my love letter to Jiang Cheng. This fic possessed me for two whole days. I wrote 16k in almost one sitting. I went to sleep at 6 in the morning bc I couldn’t stop writing. And when I drifted off I kept thinking of new ideas so I’d whip out my phone and write down lines and notes. I- have never ever ever felt that way about anything. It was- insane. It felt insane. It was so amazing. I’m still riding the memory of that high.

 Basically Jiang Cheng actually finds Baoshan Sanren and it turns out she’s a fox demon and Jiang Cheng is descended from wolves. It’s- okay I said the fic above this had my favourite writing?? That was a lie. This has my favourite writing I’ve ever done. It’s unfinished bc I am in dmbj hell but I am still excited about the next chapter which features Wei Wuxian’s pov!!

the whispers of spirits (dmbj)

My current passion project. In a way it kinda feels similar to hurricane? Bc multiple povs, incorporating different aspects of canon (we’ll get there!! I promise!), shit ton of research, etc. etc. I really really really love it for so many reasons. I’m basically taking all the things I was unsatisfied with in Reboot and Sha Hai and running with it. Found family and whump galore! It’s also a love letter to the women of dmbj who really deserve so so so much better.

Honourable mention to:

One Day (you’ll have given more of yourself than is meant to be taken) (Marvel)

This fic also kinda possessed me. I just- couldn’t get rid of the idea of a trans!Thor. And I mean a mtf Thor! It’s just? So many people look at Thor and go “that’s a Real Man.” Full stop. They never think there could be anything more, and it really really really bothered me. So I wrote out my feelings. I’m not trans. I don’t have that experience at all. I’ve had issues and confusion about my gender but nothing like this. I just wanted to do justice to this idea of Thor in my head. And I still feel a bit nervous having posted it. But I've gotten so many comments from people who really connected with what I’ve written? So I’m very very thankful I wrote it and it has a very special place in my heart. It’s a very cathartic fic.

Fic I spent least time on: 

Probably we rise (Star Wars) and I think it shows haha. I wrote it in response to Dave Filoni posting a drawing of Ahsoka and Gandalf telling her “People thought I was dead, too, and look how that turned out...” So I incorporated Ahsoka (and Din and Grogu and Ezra!!!) into the ending of Rise of Skywalker, kinda explaining how I think they could all still be alive. :)

Longest fic: 

hurricane is my longest fic (159k) but I’m kinda worried whispers will eclipse that.....

Shortest fic: 

Of my posted ones it’s The Five Moments it Took Tony and Scott to Admit They Were Best Friends (and the first time they ever did), currently clocks at 1.6k. It’s unfinished tho so maybe that doesn’t count.... otherwise it’s we rise which is completed and 2k.

Most hits/kudos/comments/bookmarks: 

hurricane overall has the most of all these. Though I don’t think hits counts as much bc it’s multi-chapter. If you discount multi-chapter stuff, most hits goes to my obikin smutfic Homecoming, bc people are horny af haha

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: 

If I had energy I’d like to rewrite the beginning of hurricane bc it feels so so wordy. I’d want to expand on One Day bc I really would like to write a whole series with trans!Thor. And like- I’d really like the focus to finish any of my WIPs.

Share a bit of a WIP: I really wanna share my Guardian/dmbj crossover that I started back in August. Bc I adore the idea of wu xie&shen wei&ye zun triplets! Plus time travel!!! I dunno if I’ll ever finish it tho ( ; A ; ) It just feels like a lot to deal with right now.

This scene takes place during the Mountain Awl arc. Guardian crew and desperado fam run across each other at the village! Wu Xie has recently found out that he’s adopted and he’s searching for answers in the area Sanshu originally found amnesiac!toddler!Wu Xie in :) Gonna pull two snippets bc I’m v excited and this might be the only time anyone else sees this fic haha:

“Oh?” Pangzi focuses on Yunlan now, lips twisting. “You think I’ve ‘got the wrong guy,’ huh?” He laughs, but it’s not a nice sound. “That’s rich! Are you that cocky or are you just stupid?”

Bristling, Yunlan drops his hands and scowls. “Excuse me?”

“Sir,” Shen Wei tries. “I think—”

Pangzi’s eyes snap back to Shen Wei, sharp and blazing. “How dare you fucking steal his face!”

What?

Automatically, Zhao Yunlan turns to Shen Wei, but the professor looks just as shell-shocked as Zhao Yunlan feels which- is seriously something. Since everything about Shen Wei is so carefully controlled, kept to the minimum. Except for those delightful little smiles that bloom across his lovely face, or the startled little bursts of laughter that fall from his lips. Or even when anger and frustration spark across his features, cracking his calm veneer open enough that he can see a glimmer of what lies beneath, the fire in those eyes. Zhao Yunlan delights in those moments, makes a game of making Shen Wei’s control slip.

He tells himself it’s nothing more than a game. Nothing more than trying to find out what makes Shen Wei tick.

Zhao Yunlan’s always been very bad at lying to himself. Or very good. Depending on who you’re asking.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Yunlan splutters.

But before anyone can say anything else, a very familiar voice calls:

“Pangzi? What’s wrong?”

Yunlan can feel Shen Wei stiffen, and Yunlan himself is pulled to that voice like a planet in orbit, like the inevitable plummet to the ground.

Another shadow wavers in the doorway before it steps out onto the dirt. Light illuminates shaggy hair, limning it gold, sharply casting everything else in shadow. But as the figure nears, the contrast softens until Yunlan can see the newcomer’s face properly and- and—

“Wu Xie!” Pangzi growls. “We’ve got ourselves an impostor!”

The man wearing Shen Wei’s face steps up to them, brows furrowed and mouth pulled down into a sharp frown. He glances between them, eyes landing on Shen Wei. His scowl deepens. He opens his mouth, but then—

“Wu Xie?” Shen Wei breathes, all trembly and lost and hopeless.

Heart in his throat, Yunlan turns to Shen Wei again. Turns and flinches at that stricken look upon Shen Wei’s pale pinched face.

“A-Xie?” Shen Wei chokes. “Didi?”

and

Pangzi snorts. “Professor?”

“I-it’s true!”

Startled Yunlan swings his attention over to Jiajia who clenches her backpack to her chest, face screwed up in admirable determination. “P-professor Shen took me and Xiao Quan on a field trip to investigate an archeological site around here!”

“Oh?” Wu Xie drawls all slow and amused. “Well, what a coincidence. We’re archeologists, too.”

“With guns?” Yunlan bites out.

Wu Xie raises a brow, grin full of teeth. “Well, you can never be too prepared.”

“Right,” Yunlan drawls right back. “Are you a professor, too, then? You come here with your students?”

Wu Xie outright grins. “You could say that, I suppose.”

Out of the corner of his eye, one of the men rolls his eyes. He’s the one with sharp features, glasses and looped earbuds. Does he think it’s appropriate to listen to music at a time like this? Yunlan admires the man’s gall.

aahhhh vish thanks so much again for tagging me!! This was so fun to relive my fic memories!! I’m gonna tag @alwaysaslutforshakespeare @jockvillagersonly @tehfanglyfish @lichelleme @undyingsunshine @humanlighthouse  @thewindsofsong I’m curious about your guys’ writing and fandom journey!! As always, no pressure to actually complete this!! I just thought it was fun ❤

Wow if you read all of this I am very humbled and impressed, thank you!!

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

[apollo-writes-random-shit]

Id love to see “Run Boy Run” with Race and Jack please!! I love your writing

Ahhh thanks! I’m really fucking sorry that this took so long! I kept losing motivation and stuff like that whoops. I hope you enjoy even though you can probably see the parts I gave up lol. Also, I don’t know why but for some reason, I decided to research about the real lodging house and included that in here because ???? Who the FUCK knows.

TWs: Mentioned abuse and one small scene (Snyder slaps Jack( and attempted drugging (Jack tries to slip Snyder a sleeping drug so he and Race could escape). Briefly mentioned homophobia.

Also, for most of the story, Jack and Race go by ‘Francis and Tony’. In this world, some people are born with powers and because I like to torture myself, I decided to go through about fifty different names to what to call people like that instead of just saying they’re magic???? 

Also, I threw in some ocs, so yeah.

Francis knew his very existence was hated by people in his town. Well, at least the ones who knew what he was. A small-town mindset like the one he lived in was horrible for someone...Different. For someone who was a Cosma. Someone with powers was an outcast in his town. A monster to some. One of the only people who knew was his step-father and he held his status above his head, always threatening to out him, but he could handle it. 

However, he knew the new kid wouldn't be able to handle it. One look at he knew that the boy was like him. A Cosma but he hadn't shown many signs yet. Francis knew the second Snyder caught on to the fact that Tony was a shifter and communicator, the boy's life would become a hell of abuse and experiments. The things that had happened so far were easy to explain as a trick of the light. Different eyeshade? That was the light. Slightly sharper teeth? Nah, your eyes are playing tricks on you, Sir, there's no need to worry. 

Francis couldn't help but wonder which of them was more powerful. His new brother with the ability to shapeshift and control horses with his voice, or himself with the power to bring drawings to life. He placed his bets on Tony. The boy was a double after all.

Francis knew they had to get out and after a month of searching, he finally found a way. Someone had agreed to help him travel to a safer place, one where he could be himself. Where others would help him and his brother no matter what

Run boy run! This world is not made for you.

The small town had him trapped. He and his brother didn't belong there, but his contact promised him freedom. Sure, there wasn't much fresh air there like there was here in Santa Fe but New York offered freedom...A place where Tony could grow up without having to hide a major part of himself. 

He was scared though. He somehow needed to sneak not only himself but Tony out of the house in the middle of the night and get across town in the middle of the night so the two could cross the town borders and escape for a better life. 

It would be worth it though. If it meant Tony was safe, it would all be worth it. He'd lay his life down for his little brother and he knew that his brother wouldn't like it if he found out but it was the truth. Tony meant everything to Francis and he'd give up anything for the younger boy. 

But even planning to escape was hard. Francis wasn't a moron. He knew Snyder had placed trackers in all of his clothes, though, that wasn't the most obvious thing. The most obvious tracker was the dog tags each boy wore under strict orders not to take them off at any point. 

Tony may find no issue in it but Francis did. He knew it wasn't for their 'safety'. No. It was for Snyder's. Snyder knew that Francis could out him at any time. Multiple bruises and scars weren't easy to explain away when at least one of them was a brand baring Snyder's name, set on the back of his shoulder. 

There was no way he could hide the truth if anyone was to ever see that so it was vital he kept tabs on the boys at all times. After all, he didn't want his image of a respected man to be ruined. 

But Francis' contact already had a plan for that. Spare clothes would be brought for the boys and their own would be thrown somewhere once they left town, along with the dog tags. He was also bringing a friend who could easily disable things in case Snyder had injected them with a tracker. 

Run boy run! They're trying to catch you!

Tonight was the night. Francis had everything planned and all he could do was hope that it would work. It was dangerous, but any plan that had to do with running away was and if he could ruin the man's reputation at the same time, he'd gladly do so. 

He knew that the second he stepped out of his 'house', Francis Sullivan and Tony Higgins would be dead and two boys without identities would be born but he was okay with that. The two could find themselves new names and Snyder would never be able to hurt them again. He'd be okay. They both would be okay. Even if Snyder moved to New York which he had mentioned a few times, he wouldn't be able to touch them. He wouldn't be able to know who they were. e

It was surprisingly easy to slip the drugs into Snyder's beer, something that he was terrified of doing. After all, he could be caught doing it but luckily, the man was already drunk and didn't seem to notice a difference. Idly, Francis tapped his fingers on his leg, knowing that the ten minutes would be the longest ten minutes of his life but he had been assured that the man would sleep for hours, giving him and his brother time to run. 

Still, he couldn't help but question everything. What if he hadn't put enough in? What if someone walked in before he and Tony could escape and realized something was up? What if they got caught on the edge of town and returned to Snyder's house? What if they got locked up? His brother wouldn't survive in jail and he knew he wouldn't survive Snyder's torture if they were sent back. He wasn't sure if both of them would survive but he knew that Tony wouldn't. As much as he loved him, Francis knew the younger boy was weak and would make for easy prey for the sadistic man who took him in. 

His heartbeat raced each time he saw the man shift until he was finally sure he was asleep. Swallowing, he took a few silent steps, only to have a hand roughly grasp his thin wrist. Shit. He forgot Snyder was a master at hiding things. The asshole had never even drunk the beer. He had just pretended to drink it when he wasn't looking. 

"How stupid do you think I am boy? You think I haven't caught onto your little plan?" The man stared up at the frightened teen with a blank face. "I'm the reason you're still alive Francis and you're trying to throw it in my face like an ungrateful brat?"

"I.."

"I know what you're planning. You're trying to leave aren't you?" 

"N-no Sir! It's just I know you haven't been sleeping well lately so I thought I c-could help!" Francis could fill the panic building up, wondering how long Snyder had known about his plan. He couldn't help but wonder if he knew all of the plan or only that he wanted to leave and take his brother with him. 

Before he could open his mouth again, he found himself laying on the ground, cheek stinging. He hadn't even registered the loud crack that came with the slap. Taking a few seconds to collect himself, he looked up, staring at the man, eyes holding hatred disguised with fear. Snyder was right. If it weren't for him Francis would be dead and so would Tony, but he didn't care. The man may have kept him alive but that didn't mean he had to stay and be grateful. He always seemed five minutes away from killing Francis so there was no way he would be thankful for that.

He was drawn out of his thoughts at a thunk, watching as his so-called 'step-father' fell to the ground. His eyes drifted to the shaking boy standing above the fallen man, thick math book clutched in his small hands. 

Quickly, he snatched the shaking boy up and ran, refusing to look back. He hadn't even told Tony what was happening. All the boy knew was that Francis had been thinking about something important. "W-What's going on?"

"Don't worry kid. We're gonna be safe soon." At least, that's what he hoped. They had already been caught once but they were close to the edge of their small town and he could just see a small group of people, each holding the reins to at least one horse. He couldn't but let out a sigh of relief, dodging around small holes in the road, feeling the boy's grip tighten. Tony didn't really like strangers but if Francis trusted them...He could try. 

Run boy run! Running is a victory!

"Didn't realize how many people you were bringing Rags." 

"Needed someone to help bring the horses 'nd stuff. Plus, they'se the best ta help out. Specs here can disable any trackers the Spider might a put in ya, Albert will help us light fires 'nd shit. Sniper 'nd Finch can keep an eye on the surrounding area. Patches and Bink will help wit' any disguises we need." The older teen gestured to each boy, each member of the ragtag crew ranging in age with Patches and Rags being the oldest though not by many years. "They'se all 'Hattan newsies like I am. Hotshot 'nd Rai are from Brooklyn though."

Tony honestly was surprised at how young Rai was. The boy didn't look a day over eight yet somehow had been brought along for the small mission. 

"I didn't want ta bring him but the kid wouldn't stop botherin' me. I guess he could be useful." Despite the words, Hotshot's face held a faint fond smile, hand ruffling the boy's hair. "He's a communicator after all."

"You're all Cosmas?"

"Yeah. That's why they're helping us, Tony. They'll get us somewhere safe. Speaking of wish, we should leave right now. Dunno how long the Spider will be out. Tried drugging him but he caught me so Tony knocked his ugly fat ass out."

Rags nodded towards one of the horses with a grin. "Hope ya know how to ride cause that's how we'se headin' ta New York." 

"Not really but we'll figure it out." Francis shrugged, carefully placing his brother in the saddle before pulling himself up, reaching around the boy to grab the reins. Surely it wouldn't be that hard to ride a horse. At least, it seemed calm and with Tony there, he felt that the horse would at least listen to them. That and they had everyone else to guide them. 

The two blinked, feeling a small gentle tingle flow through their body. Specs smiled at the two. "It's all disabled but we'll still dump your stuff on the way. Otherwise, the change of clothes we carried here for you guys would be a waste." 

Albert smirked, gently tapping his horse's sides with his heels. "Let's ride ya morons!" With that small whoop, the boy raced off, sparks flying from his red hair. Rolling his eyes, Rags chuckled, riding off after him to make sure the reckless boy wouldn't do something stupid.

Sniper looked over at the two boys they were bringing along with them. "Don't worry. She'll follow us so just focus on ya balance and try to relax. She'll be able ta tell if you're all tense 'nd shit. 'Sides, your ass will hurt if you're stiff. Especially considering ya've never ridden before." With a soft click, the boy started the journey home, causing the brothers' horse to follow them, Specs, Finch and Hotshot riding with the two, the Manhattan boys alongside them as Hotshot brought up the rear, watching as his own baby brother raced off. 

At first, he never wanted to come and help 'rescue' the two because it meant losing money, but he owed Rags a favour and the older boy had decided to cash it in. Besides, Spot had been acting like an asshole lately and he could do with some time apart from him, even if they were best friends.

Shaking his head, he freed one hand from the reins, only moving it back after adjusting his bag. He couldn't help but wonder what the boys in front of him were like. Rags had given them a short briefing but seeing the angry red mark on the older one's cheek reminded him that there really were fucked up people in the world and by coming here, he was helping to do the right thing.  

The fact Specs had confirmed that trackers had been placed in their bodies just worried him even more. At least they were free now. They were safe from the house that they had been trapped in. 

Run boy run! Beauty lays behind the hills.

Sure New York wasn't the most glamorous of places but to Rags, it was home and now, Manhattan would house two more newsies. They'd get new names later but for now, they would be nameless. He smiled to himself, looking over his shoulder at the figures riding behind him. He could tell that they would fit in with the rest of his family.

The rest of the Manhattan kids knew that he was bringing home two more kids except for once, they weren't from New York. 

Tony sighed, leaning into his brother as he closed his eyes. It felt weird running away and guilt was settling in his stomach from the memory of knocking out the man who took him in. He knew Snyder was cruel but he had never laid a hand on him...Only laying hands-on Francis who couldn't fight back. He had never actually seen it but he had heard it countless times. Had seen the way his brother stumbled into their small bedroom before collapsing on his bed, hiding his face in the pillow in an attempt to hide his tears from the boy who looked up to him so much. But Tony saw them each time. Saw the way his body had shuddered and heard the muffled noises that escaped him. He knew Francis couldn't be strong 24/7, no matter how hard he tried. 

But now that they had gotten out of there, maybe Francis wouldn't have to take the hits for him. Maybe now he wouldn't have to curl up in bed, trying his best to hide his shaking. He couldn't help but smile slightly as he closed his eyes, resting a hand on the mare's wither, calmly letting himself connect with her. Sliding his hand up, he gently ran his fingers through her mane, relishing in the feeling of the silky strands running through them. 

At least with her, he'd feel safe on the journey that he had never expected to take. He couldn't wait to see what would happen when they reached New York. Despite only being with them for a short time, he found the boys charming in their own way, from Albert's excitement at riding off into the distance to Hotshot's firm yet protective presence behind them. He felt safe with them and that's what mattered to him right now and by the way, his brother had slowly relaxed behind him, he knew he felt the same. 

With a soft nudge from his horse, he opened his eyes, taking in the appearance of the land around the group. It was something he had never seen before. Something he never expected to see. He couldn't help but grin, looking down slightly so he could watch the land race beneath her hooves. It was beautiful honestly. Much more beautiful than where he had been trapped mere hours ago.

Run boy run! The sun will be guiding you.

Leaning back, he felt Francis' arms tighten around him for a few seconds. Without even looking, he could tell the older teen was smiling as he too took everything in, awe filling his body.

The two were brought out of their thoughts as the horses slowed down, gently lit by the setting sun. Without Rags opening his mouth, Albert jumped off his horse, quickly gathering up wood, surprisingly serious considering the way he had been so hyper and willing to lead the group before. Carefully flicking his fingers at the pile he had made, the ginger grinned as flames burst up from the middle, quickly engulfing each bit of wood. "Fire's done! Who brought the grub?"

"Al ya always hungry."

"Oh shut up Snipes, I know you'se hungry as well." He grinned, dodging as his friend through his cap at his face. "I'll burn this if ya test me!"

Hotshot rolled his eyes, silently helping Tony off of the horse, setting him down as he watched Francis dismount. Well more like stumble as he slid off, almost falling on his ass. The Brooklyn boy forced himself to hold back a laugh while Albert did no such thing. He was more than happy to laugh at the poor teen despite knowing that he'd never rode a horse, let alone for hours at a time while leaving an abusive house far behind them.

Specs just sighed, shaking his head as he grabbed his pack, having been the one trusted to carry the food for the three-day trip. "Alright alright. We can 'ave dinner now. Calm ya shit DaSilva."

The two brothers looked at each other in confusion before nervously moving towards the fire to sit down with the people who came to save them. The group might be helping them but the two still didn't know how much they could trust them. Francis had been desperate, grasping onto the first offer of salvation. The first offer to drag him out of the mental river he was drowning in, being dragged further under the surface with each hit, each insult, each threat both against him and his brother. 

So when a cocky boy from Manhattan had shown up to deliver something to his neighbour and pulled him aside to tell him that he couldn't hide from him. That he knew what he was, Francis, had been terrified but the skinny boy had offered him a free trip to where he'd be welcome, a seed had been planted in his brain, but at the same time, he was full of doubt. Why would this stranger offer to take them to where he lived? How had he known what he was? He had been given two weeks to think about it and by the time Rags returned with his small group of friends, the seed had grown and he had agreed the day the group arrived. 

Rags sighed as he sat down, watching as Finch scaled a tree, a bird soon swooping down to join him after the boy let out a soft whistle. "So, have you thought 'bout a name yet?"

Francis shook his head. "Not yet. It's not easy honestly to think of one."

"Eh take ya time. After all, you'll be stuck wit' it." Rai hummed, idly poking the fire with a stick, ignoring the warning look his older brother gave him. "You can keep the one you have now, shorten it, change it or just give yaself a nickname and run with it. If you don't think of one, 'Hattan might just give you one."

Tony looked up at his brother startled. "Names? Are we changing our names?" Finch just grinned from his perch. "I mean, as Rai said, you don't have to but sometimes it's easier to just change it...A lot of us are running from something and it's helpful to change our name. Finch ain't my real name 'nd Specs wasn't called Specs by his birth family. That came from us newsies cause o' his glasses." 

Said boy chuckled, adjusting his glasses. "I should admit that it didn't appeal to me at first but it grew on me."

Albert grinned. "Don't bullshit us. The main reason you like it is that Romeo kept calling you it."

"And you take Albie cause that Jojo boy. You're both hopeless idiots." Rai shook his head with a grin. "Manhattan's weird like that. Rai is just short for my name and you're being all gay 'nd shit and that's why you accepted your newsie names." 

Tony's eyes widened, surprised that they were speaking so openly about something that Snyder said was wrong. Well, 'said' was the wrong word. The man attempted to force his own ideal into his charges' minds, not wanting them to think for themselves. It's wrong. You'll go to hell for looking at a boy the way you should be looking at a girl Tony.

But these boys didn't seem to be 'cursed' as Snyder said gays were. They seemed...The way everyone else was, just more friendly but not in a strange way. No, they were just joking around like brothers. They were people who were comfortable in their own skin while Francis and Tony weren't. They both had confided in each other that they had each secretly looked at boys the way Snyder and others in their former home condemned people for. These boys may tease each other but it was friendly, it was in an attempt to make each other flustered. That meant they'd be even safer in the Manhattan lodging house.  

After a few minutes, Specs handed around the cooked meat, warning the group that it was still hot. "You'll be safe in a few days. As for now, just relax though we need to burn your clothes soon just in case ya know?" He smiled over at the two nervous teens. "Don't worry, we brought you spare clothes. One of the boys back home made them fa ya. That's why Rags asked for ya size."

"Buttons is great...Gonna need him to fix my shirt though." Albert sighed, looking at a rip in his shirt. "Don't even know when I tore it. I swear it wasn't like this when we left!" 

"It's called you're a fucking clumsy moron who fell in a river because you thought getting off your horse before walking over a fallen tree was smarter than the bridge."

Tony couldn't help but laugh, knowing he had done something similar before. Sure it got him into trouble because he made a mess when he got home but he had a good time so it didn't matter.

Run boy run! They're dying to stop you! Run boy run! This race is a prophecy! Run boy run! Break out from society!

Yelling brought the small group back into the world of the woken, Tony and Francis instantly freezing. Snyder and his friends had found them and the two knew they'd stop at nothing to get their hands on the two. 

"Shit. Get back on the horses. We should have dumped your clothes earlier but I didn't want to stop for a while just in case." Rags quickly jumped back on his horse, watching as his newsies rushed around to pack up their small camp before jumping on their horses. Hotshot had already boosted Rai onto his horse before getting on his own, Albert helping Francis and Tony up onto theirs. The second the red-head was on his own horse, the ground raced off, the newsies pretending that they didn't hear Tony's soft and scared sobs mixed with Francis' soft words of comfort. 

They hadn't been planning to move so fast but they had to otherwise they'd all be in trouble. "Finch! Sniper!" 

"On it!" The two boys quickly pulled out their slingshots, each loading small sparklers into them, firing them off in different directions in hopes of distracting their pursuers. Despite not being given orders from his leader, Albert set off small flaming balls, sending them away from himself, making sure they were small enough to avoid setting the nearby trees on fire. 

Hotshot sighed, raising his voice so the two scared kids in front of him could hear. "Don't worry. The 'Hattan boys know what they're doing, even if they don't seem like it most of the times. We'll keep you safe." 

"See Tones? We'll be safe. Promise." Francis tightened his arm around his brother, wondering if his words would prove to be true or if they were would become false. He just hoped that they'd get away and find their way to New York as Rags had promised. 

With a single whistle from Rai, animals seemed to flood from every corner of the forest before they rushed towards the sounds of the group chasing them down. 

Each second seemed like an eternity to the two brothers, their hearts both frozen still and beating erratically at the same time. While the horses were speeding up by the second, they seemed to be forcing their way through snow with Tony and Francis feeling the chill while no one else did.

Their safety...No, their lives were on the line here and each member of the small party knew it. If one person were to get caught, it'd be over for everyone. They all knew the risks that came with this mission and had accepted the idea that they may be caught but that didn't mean they weren't scared shitless as the idea swirled inside their minds, taunting them with what their future could hold. It was clear that Cosmas' weren't welcome in the town they were fleeing from but right now, they had to shove that thought away, focusing instead of escaping.

The shouts faded behind them but that didn't slow down the group, if anything, it pushed them to go faster just in case the group had decided to fall silent in hopes of catching them off guard. Granted, Francis wasn't sure if Snyder and his pals were smart enough to do that but still, you never know.

They ate lunch on the run, Specs moving to each person to hand them small sandwiches before moving back to his own spot. Sure, the plan had been to eat warm meat with the sandwiches for a snack but plans sometimes change on the fly and newsies were masters at changing things instantly. After all, there were times they had to quickly run from where they were selling to escape the clutches of the police. 

The group rode through the night, their way lit by Albert's flames, only pausing for an hour or so by a river to allow their horses a break to drink, each boy quickly shoving food into their mouths, too on edge to take their time. 

Specs sighed, looking up at the stars, tracing each constellation with his eyes, remembering all the stories he had been told by an older newsie. "We'll be there in two days. We'll stop by Brooklyn ta return the horses and drop Hotshot and Rai off before headin' across the bridge."

Tony nodded, curling up next to Encore, the mare nuzzling her young rider. "Is New York really as big as they say? Fat-...Snyder always said that it's big." Despite correcting himself, the fact that he had almost called Snyder his 'Father' filled his stomach with guilt and anxiety.  

Albert grinned and nodded. "There's a lot of us newsies from all over New York. We'se the Kings 'nd Queens of the damn place! Sure we ain't the richest but we'se the people who help spread the news. Without us, the damn city will shut down." He chuckled under his breath. "You'll be 'Hattan boys in a few days...We'se the second most important borough in my mind. I would say the most important but that's Brooklyn. They're the real rulers in the Newsie world. They've got the toughest folks there." 

Rai snorted and nodded. "Damn right we do! We'se'll soak anyone we need ta. No one messes wit' us if they have a good mind. We'll kick their asses if needed. No one messes wit' us and it's great!"

Hotshot rolled his eyes, setting his small bowl of thin stew aside so he could gently slap his brother on the back of the head, gently chuckling at the boy's mock offended cry. "Don't go boasting 'bout it ya nerd. We're not that bad. We're just tougher than most of than the New York newsies." He looked over at the two new boys, picking up his stew again. "Simply put, don't mess wit' us and we don't mess wit' you...Though that's really any place I guess. We're just respected more than everyone else in our world."

Francis nodded, filing the information away. He knew what it was like to get on someone's bad side and the idea of a whole New York borough after him was frightening to him. The bullies he had faced were one thing but the idea of having stronger people after him was terrified. Hotshot already proved that all of Brooklyn was strong, just by his arms and Francis didn't feel like the idea of throwing hands with him or any of his friends. He was pretty sure Rai could easily break his arm despite being eight. 

Blink groaned, speaking up for the first time. "We get it. Ya, all tough 'nd scary now shut up. I'se wanna sleep." He adjusted his eyepatch, not bothering to look over at the group. "You all take to much." 

"Aww, ya just a spoilsport Blink. First thing ya say is to tell everyone to shut up?" Albert couldn't do anything but laugh as Blink flipped him off. "Someone's just grumpy he had to leave his boyfriend behind."

"Or maybe I'm sick o' your dumbass voice." Idly, the boy pulled his eyepatch to the side, glaring at his friend with a glazed over eye. "I can fucking destroy you Albert DaSilva. Remember that." 

"I'm sooooo scared." 

Patches sighed, knowing that it was time he should step in, his soft voice floating above the crackling of the fire. "Both of you stop being morons. We're heading out as soon as we can in the morning. Rags and I'll take the first watch, Blink and Specs will take next than it'll be Hotshot and Al. That's all we'll need really need because it'll be light enough by the time your shift is up and we'll be able to have a quick breakfast before going again. We'll be home very soon. Two days and we'll be done and we can relax and go back to selling and stuff. We'se'll get Tony 'nd Francis set up as soon as we can. We'll probably be back during the day." Noticing Tony's subtle glances towards Blink's eyepatch, he smiled. "Don't bother askin'. He tells a different story each time so no one knows what actually happened ta his eye."

"Oh...Okay. Sorry for staring."

Blink just grinned at him. "Don't worry 'bout it. You'se starin' without hate or disgust or whatever. Ya just interested is all. But yeah. I'm up for taking watch wit' Specs. Now, all o' you zip ya mouths so I can get some shut-eye." With that, he slipped his cap over his face after tucking his eyepatch into his pocket. 

Albert chuckled softly but listened, pulling his blanket up over him after gently coaxing the fire to burn a little brighter before eventually falling asleep, his teasing turning into soft breaths that were soon joined by the breathing of others, knowing that his brothers and friends were safe under the watch of his leader and said leader's second. 

It took Francis awhile to be comfortable enough to fall asleep, each small noise causing him to subtly flinch, scared that they had been tracked down yet again. It took the comforting presence of his brother who was silently breathing as he held onto his shirt mixing with the fires and the soft chatter of the two boys who were going to be watching over them for a few hours.

Despite his fear, he fell into a deep sleep, only woken by the feeling of Tony gently shaking him. The second the teen was sure the elder was awake, the blond moved to help clear up camp, silently watching slight awe as Albert easily put out the coals with a single wave of his hand, making sure they wouldn't light again. 

Francis hummed, feeling his new shirt slip slightly as he stretched. Soon, he would be in a place that accepted who he was, among those who were like him and his brother.

Tomorrow is another day, and you won't have to hide away

It was a new day, one that was bringing the promise of freedom ever closer. Coming out of his thoughts at the feeling of bread being shoved into his hands, a familiar cheeky grin greeting him as he looked down, chuckling at his brother's puffy cheeks. The bread role was small yet for some reason, Tony had felt the need to shove most of it into his mouth at once. Though once he looked at Albert due to the sound of choking, he realized it was most likely a dare or a challenge designed to test the hubris of the two teens, clearly set by a smirking Rai. 

He could already tell that moving into the Manhattan lodging house would just increase his brother's not so concealed chaotic tendencies. He sighed, a silent chuckle escaping him as he chewed on his own small role, awkwardly standing still when Rags assured him that he didn't need to do anything to help to pack up camp.

It didn't take them long to start up their journey again, with laughter and friendly taunts filling the air instead of the fear and silent tears that had been their unwelcome comrade the last ride. 

Adjusting his cap, Finch grinned and carefully shuffled back slightly before carefully raising to his feet, having slipped off his shoes over an hour ago. Calmly, he pulled out a small stone, biting his lip as he aimed for a familiar head. He couldn't help but let out a whoop as Sniper's head whipped around, the other boy glaring at his fellow shooter. "Finch I swear ta fucking God!" 

"Don't swear at me."

"Albert ya ain't God!" 

Hotshot just sighed, ignoring the laughter of the other boys, speeding up so he could take matters into his own hands, knowing full well the arguing newsies probably wouldn't listen to their leaders in this situation. In his mind, the Manhattan boys tended to be more chaotic and at times disobedient than the boys who lived with him. Not that it was surprising. Other than being known for being tough, Brooklyn newsies were known to be well-disciplined despite the way a new ruler could come to power by fighting the current one and they listened to each other. 

"Alright, you guys. Shut ya traps before I make you." Sure, that caused the two shooters to aim for him for a few seconds but it was easy for him to dodge considering the two were ever so slightly intimidated by him, despite knowing he wouldn't actually do anything to them. 

"You're no fun." Despite his annoyed words, Finch carefully moved back to the saddle, sitting down again, not wanting to test the Brooklyn boy too much. 

Rags just shook his head with a smile, looking at the sky, narrowing his eyes in an attempt to avoid the sun's rays as he judged the time. He knew by now that they most likely wouldn't be tracked down anymore considering how far away from the tiny town they had come from. His new brothers were safe and that's all that mattered right now. Soon, he'd be back with the rest of his family and he'd be bringing in two new members. 

He could tell already that they'd fit in almost instantly though he knew that they'd naturally come to terms with what had happened and that they were safe...That they could grow up properly. 

You'll be a man, boy! But for now, it's time to run, it's time to run!

However, they still had a while to go before they would be racing around the streets of Lower Manhattan, selling papers to random people to pay the six cents needed to pay for a bed and batch at the lodging house. His smile widened slightly as he thought of the meals that a few extra cents would get him. Pork and beans on Monday, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Roast beef on Sunday and beef stew on Tuesdays. Corned beef and cabbage came on Wednesday and fish balls were served on Fridays. If he focused hard enough, he could not only taste the meals he often paid for but also taste the tea and bread that each meal was accompanied with. The newsie could practically smell the soup that was often served with pork and beans. Just the thought of the meals made him feel full and he couldn't wait to return for dinner again.

Sure, breakfast was also served but why pay for it when you could get food off the nuns before rushing to the gates? Though he couldn't lie. There were times he spent money on some cents on some oatmeal in the morning, savouring the small burn that came as he quickly ate it. Some of the boys may tease him for buying both food and getting free coffee from the nuns but he didn't care.

Patches grinned, looking over at his brother who rode with closed eyes, able to picture what the other was thinking about. He too loved meal times at the lodging house, even if everything just repeated with not much change. It was nice to know what to expected and if he wanted a change, he could always save up a little extra and buy something at Jacobi’s or even just ask if he could take some leftovers with him. 

He knew everyone, not just the newsies that stayed in the large building looked forward to the nightly meals, shared in a large room, surrounded by friends as they joked about what sort of customers they had dealt with that day, lowering their voices whenever they felt the need to swear, knowing full well it was against the rules.

He sighed softly, looking ahead, wishing he could see the familiar outline of New York on the horizon, yet he saw nothing but the landscape he had seen on the way to pick up the two boys.

Focusing on his companions, he swallowed back a laugh as he heard Rai explaining newsie rules to Francis and Tony while Hotshot corrected him when needed. After all, the life of a newsie was far more complex than the life they had just left behind. The life was full of tricky politics between boroughs where one wrong move could incite a war which would just bring every newsie across the whole damn city involved which was never a clean thing. No war was clean really but newsies were a group of kids who handled their wars with fists while the leaders scrambled to arrange a deal. Though, from the short time he's spent with these two kids, he could tell that they would be respectful, at least of the borders. Not that they would be going anywhere near them for a while. No new kid was ever allowed to sell near the borders for a few weeks just to make sure they learnt the ropes.

Run boy run! This ride is a journey to. Run boy run! The secret inside of you

Francis internally sighed, glad to see his little brother smiling and laughing along with those who had been strangers not too long ago. It was nice to see that the boy wasn't scared of them. He didn't know what he'd do if the boy would be scared of those who they were now living with. No longer would the two have to walk on eggshells to avoid letting anyone know who they really were...What they were. No longer did they have to deal with Snyder, who seemed to always be a hair's breadth away from snapping at them, whether it be just yelling at Tony or hitting Francis across the face, shouting insults down the fallen boy who knew better than to yell back.

Sure, he himself was still a bit hesitant about being with the group but knew that it would be easier to disappear in New York than disappearing from a small town with no aid from an outside force. The smile and laughter coming from his thin brother made his worry worth it though.

He could still faintly hear his mother's final words as she lay on her death bed, finally admitting the abuse she had watched. "You'll escape one day Francis. I know you will. You'll find a way out of this hell hole. I'm sorry I didn't protect you and Tony. I'm so sorry baby."

Forcing himself out of his thoughts, he kissed his brother's head. His mother had been right. He was getting both him and Tony out of an abusive household. He felt like he could finally breathe properly for the first time since his mother had married the cursed man. 

Slowly, he allowed his thoughts to be drowned out by the gentle shuffling of the leaves that the wind danced through as they raced through the trees, closer to their new destiny.

Run boy run! This race is a prophecy! Run boy run! And disappear in the trees!

Night settled around them once more, the moon and stars smiling down gently on the group of laughing boys who surrounded a crackling fire. Seeing that the two brothers were still nervous, the group took turns telling stories, ranging from safer ones to ones that had Rags and Patches lecturing their younger brothers on safety, having never heard such things come from the young teens' mouths.

Eventually, the stories died down, though the silence didn't last long, replaced with giggling and annoyed swears as Rai and Sniper attempted to roast marshmallows over Albert's flaming hair, not caring when the melted treat dripped into the red locks of the struggling boy clamped tightly in Blink's arms.

Soon after, the three were stopped, Albert wrestling the two boys as soon as he was free, laughter filling the air yet again even when the three were pulled apart.

Tony smiled as he stared up at the stars, opening his mouth to break the silence that eventually fell over the group, happy to tell them stories of the sky and stars, ones that he had learnt years ago, back when he was still oblivious to the cruelty that his older brother faced daily. 

Eventually, the group settled down, knowing that they'd be back home by tomorrow night, able to relax in a proper bed, surrounded by their family once again instead of resting on the hard ground.

Tomorrow is another day, and you won't have to hide away.

The small crew grinned as they once again got settled on their horses, excitement buzzing through their veins, knowing that in a few hours that they would be home. It was as the air could sense it as well, sending a gentle breath to soothe their excitement,  helping the group speed through the landscape, the horses gladly pushing themselves even more, already able to taste the treats they would rightfully get for the hard and long journey they had untaken.

Francis and Tony could both feel a small part that would miss riding through the open land, feeling the ache that came with a living creature speeding under them, carrying them where they wished, letting them feel the wind in their faces as they rode closer and closer to safety and a new life.

The newsies happily spoke of what they planned to do when they got home once again, excited to not only see their family and partners again but to invite and accept the two brothers into Manhattan. Albert grinned, already thinking up plans to annoy the Delancey brothers and their uncle at the gates, wondering if how easy it would be to draw Tony into his schemes, already knowing that the other had the sense for mischief that he had in his own soul. Sure, it might get Francis annoyed but he didn't care. He had a new brother and had to bring him into the life of chaos, so it could wrap him in its embrace, filling his mind with plans to commit with the redhead.

You'll be a man, boy! But for now, it's time to run, it's time to run!

Hotshot was relieved to almost be back in Brooklyn where he could just relax with his friends. Maybe take a dip in the river. Hell, he might throw Rai or Spot off the pier for shits and giggles, not caring about their reactions. They both could swim after all and it was normal for the boys to throw each other around sometimes and well, he deserved to have a little fun with his family after such a harsh journey. Sure, he hadn't been too happy to join the 'mission' in the first place but he had found himself enjoying himself. Sure, he lost money doing this but it was nice to escape the chaotic life that happened when you lived in New York while being poor. 

No matter how hard and chaotic his life was, he found himself enjoying it. After all, it was better than working in a factory or at the pier, hauling stuff around or sailing on a boat, unsure if he'd ever return.

Yes, he hadn't been happy to come on this trip, nor was he happy for his baby brother to join him but to hear Rai laughing along with Tony as animals joined the ride for a short time before they pulled away, it was worth it. If he could get the young boy out of Brooklyn for a few days so he could get some fresh air and a change of pace, well...He'd do it a million times over. He wished he could take all the littles out for journies like this but alas, he couldn't. He had no reason to leave New York, let alone had the money to do so. Still, being able to take one of them out was an amazing feeling, one he wouldn't forget. Rai had lost too much at a young age yet always kept a grin. He deserved to be able to spend time, free in the land with wild animals rushing by him.

It's what the small child deserved. 

Tomorrow is another day, and when the night fades away

Breaking for lunch just made all of them antsy, wanting to hurry up and get back home. Even Specs, a normally calm boy was bouncing on his toes, not bothering to hide his excitement at the idea of seeing everyone he cared about. He quickly scoffed down his sandwich, not caring about taking his time. He was going to be home soon and could take his time savouring all the tastes that came with a homecooked meal while surrounded by those he missed.

While the break only lasted thirty minutes, it felt like a lifetime to the small group. Their hearts started to beat faster with each step their tired horses took towards home.

Time travelled slowly, the stars starting to peak out again when New York's outline started to rise in the distance, an excited whoop escaping Albert as he urged his horse to go even faster, unwilling to wait any longer. He wanted...No needed to be back in that city. He loved fresh air but still, he craved the smog of New York. Couldn't wait for it to fill his lungs as he walked around feeling like a king despite people viewing him as nothing more than a street rat. 

With the city in the distance, it was as if someone had pressed fast forward, landing the group at Sheepshead racetrack before they knew it. Hotshot couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of a short boy waiting near the empty stables. "Why am I not surprised you showed up Spot?"

"Wanted ta see the new 'Hattan boys fa myself." In all honestly, Spot had just wanted to see his brothers' safe returns was he wasn't going to say that in public. Besides, he couldn't help but be somewhat curious about the two new boys who would be joining the team just across the bridge. To him, it was easy to get a glimpse of what the boys had lived through. He hadn't been told much about them but judging by the bruise on the older boy's cheek, it was clear that they hadn't come from a nice place. Not that many of the newsies had come from a good place that is. 

Considering Hotshot had said they were going to a small town, he could tell that it was a small town that hated people being born with powers, whether that hatred was born from jealously and fear or just out of pure stupidity, the Brooklyn native didn't know and he wasn't sure if he even cared to know.  

Right now, he did his best to ignore where they had come from, instead, turning to Rai to talk about his trip, already knowing that the rules and boundaries had been explained. Even if they hadn't, the two looked smart, especially the blond who had decided to ignore everyone so he could focus on thanking his horse. God, were all Manhattan boys dorks? Shaking his head with a sigh, he clapped his hands. "Right. Curfew's comin' up in a bit so you'se best start gettin' back over the bridge."

"Giving orders now are we Conlon?"

"Blue's handlin' stuff in Queens so it's my job ta kick your bum asses out of Brooklyn. Now fuck off." 

Rags rolled his eyes but still spat in his hand and held it out to the younger boy, nodding as he returned the gesture. "We'se'll get outta ya hair Conlon. Gotta get these two set up and Al looks ready to die."

"Oh fuck off I do not!" Despite his words, Albert was rocking ever so slightly, having not slept much the night before due to excitement. "Let's just clear out already. I don't wanna miss out on the food!" 

Shaking his head, Rags laughed watching as Blink started shoving Albert around. "Yeah yeah. Tell Blue I said hi." He smiled at the two Brooklyn boys who had come along with his small crew. "Thanks you two. We'll be off now." With a single wave, the lanky teen ushered the others out of the racetrack grounds, chuckling internally at the way the two new brothers stuck together, looking around in both awe and suspicious hesitation. 

Idly, his eyes scanned the crowd, easily able to notice who was a normal person and who was a newsie who were lurking around after selling, watching them silently to make sure they didn't break any rules, wanting the small group out of their turf, yet also silently relieved that they had returned safely as that meant their own had been returned as well.

Feet gently joined the countless others walking on the bridge, their voices mingling with those of people hurrying to and from Brooklyn. Before they knew it, they were back on their own side. Sensing their neves, Specs smiled over at his new brothers. "Don't worry. You'll get used to this all before you know it. I will warn you though...The lodging house can be loud and a bit overwhelming at times. You'll fit right in though. I already know it."

Francis just nodded before turning back to Patches, mumbling something under his breath, relaxing as the other smiled and nodded, allowing the group to lead him and his younger brother around.

You'll be a man, boy!

It didn't take long for them to find themselves walking down Duane Street, watching a few kids eagerly look up, some running towards them as others rushed off towards a building, no doubt to let them know of the groups return. Subconsciously, Francis took a closer to Tony, watching as Specs, Blink and Albert were almost tackled, each by a different boy, all dressed in the same ratty attire as the group. 

Shaking his head, Rags nodded for the two brothers to follow him, leaving the six boys to reunite with their boyfriends. "They'll come along eventually so don't worry about the nerds. Let's just get you set up for now. Everyone's been dyin' ta meet you two, not just us newsies."

Grinning, he threw open the door to the lodging house, chuckling as he was greeted by cheers from a wide variety of kids. Silencing them with a single hand in the air, he grinned at the two new boys, remembering the few words Francis had muttered to him. 

"Everyone! I'd like ta introduce you to Jack Kelly 'nd his little brother, Racetrack Higgins!"

But for now, it's time to run, it's time to run!

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

I am of the opinion that PQ2 should have been released AFTER P5R

Tbh PQ2 is placed where it is because of the 3DS' life cycle. I'd place it farther but the PQ series working on Switch(+maybe other places) is most likely reliant on the/an EO's switch game (to help adjust the formula). If it wasn't for that, I'd probs slowly remake/port P1-4 while spewing out more/different P5 spinoffs before we get to PQ2. (so I don’t disagree, there’s a couple of ways they could’ve gone about it, but even tho it’s speculation it’s fun, none of it matters cause we probs got the worst timeline ;w; anyway time to just ramble about related stuff 8U) (but I would love to hear your opinion as to why you think that’s the case!)

Word vomit word vomit~! Under the cut cause I can’t reply like a normal person 8U ;x; (don’t mind me the gears started-a-turning aklfjdsakl)

Tho tbh, from what we got with PQ2, I dunno if Adding Sumi and Jose would be good. PQ2 is pretty directionless with it's cast imo, like it has something to say but half the time they feel like mouthpieces and not actually......the characters we know being involved. It already has a handful of b/c/d/f plots and it barely even dives deeper than a kids wadding pool with them orz I'd say what's the harm in adding Sumi/Jose since it already can't handle the cast it's been dealt it won't hurt having two more, but do I WANT Sumi/Jose (and possibly Takuto) to suffer for that? Nah. I'd rather we get a PQ3, were we can focus on the implications of Sumi having just awakened and the team side eyeing Joker/Mona for not telling them and all those implications. Her bonding with the team would probs be drowned out by Hamu and Hikari (when they actually feel like giving them some focus that is), plus Goro's stupid bullshit just.......listen.... PQ1? Chars can be a biiiiit mean at times, and are flanderized, but damn do they all feel involved and still have some remnant of their original personality (they aren't flanderized all the time and not all chars are flanderized) but man did they feel important to the game. DX I’ll take it over the clustered bullshit that is PQ2 orz

Anyway, tbh, now that I think about it, P5R should’ve been released in 2021ish time. For a PS4/PS5 release. Would’ve given the PS5 another flag ship game, and justifying it on another console as well (plus a 4 year gap feels a little more justified than a 3 year gap, esp when there’s a new console involved). It also doesn’t help we got two horrible failures of spinoffs in between P5 and P5R (one is the P3/5D and yes I’m counting them as one game, and PQ2 who is at best a slog and at worst is one of the biggest thorn in my side lore wise since P5 sauntered onto the scene...that being said I mostly blame the failure of that game on the dead console it was on). A remake and/or Scramble honestly should’ve been the next game right then and there (oh hey where have I seen that before? Oh right, P4. And it worked, we had about 3 remakes/enhanced ports before our Arena/sequel but still it worked). Not “cash grab the game” or “let’s just set the poor thing up for failure” the game. Like PQ2 would’ve been ok to fail if we at least got a remake and P5S (and I really don’t give a shit about P5S, but it def should’ve been there early on). 

And an extra bonus with P5S releasing early is that, after P5R released, we could have a P5S re-release with a tweaked storyline maybe involving Goro/Sumi/Jose/yadda yadda on the PS5! Is that a bit cash grabby? Maybe. Is it at least cash grabby with a purpose? Yes. We want purpose. Purpose is good. Purpose, means they have our interests in mind. 8U

*inhales* tbh....the PQ2 we got....could’ve/would’ve worked better without the P5 cast. I KNOW, Silly hates-a-the-P5, but.....at this point it’s not even that. There is one char that really tries hard to relate with Hikari that isn’t the shut in bullshit (yeah sure let’s give Futaba more screen time, it’s not like she didn’t have enough of that, nothing against shut ins, just P5/Q2′s writing). And it’s Hamuko. regardless how you feel about the FeMC, the B plot of “I am all alone, I am separated from my loved ones, the same loved ones I see look the same but aren’t them (oh hey another Tatsuya parallel 8U), and to top it off some stranger is in the role I’m supposed to be in. Am I replaceable? What’s the point of my existence if I’m not the only one who can fulfil this role?” have an entire game based on that existential crisis. We don’t even need the same setting/cast (Hikari/Nagi/Doe), actually I’d keep the Climax Theater but I’d lean HEAVILY into the P2 references/themes and such (Hamu already has a lot in common with Tatsuya, this just adds to it even more!). That B plot with Hamu could probs carry a game itself, or her issues can easily tie into the A plot of that game (like how Rei/Zen’s did with PQ1). Don’t delegated it to a watered down B plot that PQ2 gave us. jfjsadfj hell this probs would’ve been a better time for Sumi to be involved instead. Instead of the P5R new char, she’s the new PQ char and hey they can bond over that (sure we can do that in the current PQ2 game, but we can’t fit it in that well cause we have to tell the P5 cast how cool we think they are! even tho they haven’t really done anything but breathe! >8U)

It’d be a good follow up to PQ1 esp if released not long after, with it being a P3xP4 crossover, it’d 1) feel almost like a direct sequel, 2) riding the coattails of PQ1′s success at the most timely of times, 3) connected with 2 but it’d be at the hype of the 3DS, 4) we don’t have to worry about fans not knowing who they are since that cast is still relevant, 5) it gets Hamu’s thing out of the way so that PQ3 can allow the P5 kids to shine! Cause I’mma be honest, the PQ2 we got doesn’t really make them stand out, outside of the Kamoman dungeon. Plus it’d allow us to give more screen time to juicier B plots that people probably wish for with a P5 involved PQ game (such as Goro, I know y’all thirsty for him, this benefits you guys!)

Ah sorry you probs didn’t want a rant klasdjfalf just tired and the gears started turning and ahhhhh orz Anyway, again, I don’t disagree with you anon, I def think they could’ve done things differently and done it a lot of different ways too. XU And btw I’d love to hear more why you think that! 

[marireadshellblazer]

Hellblazer Issue #4

Issue #4 here we go! Woo!

I liked this one overall. Let’s start with the what I didn’t like, though.

Much like the first issue, this one introduces a few important characters (why he still a dick to Chas tho?). First and foremost is John’s family. It’s made very clear that his sister has some serious issues in her marriage (though for all his judgment, John doesn’t exactly have the moral high ground here).

Maybe I’m the only one who noticed, but in Supernatural’s first season they introduced a girl who is possessed by a demon. Her name is Meg Masters. Meg…Gem…..Gem Masters….Maybe I am a conspiracy theorist, but I swear to God Supernatural steals so much from this it’s borderline sad. Yeah, I know they wanted to bring in John as a character therefore giving us Cas when that didn’t work out, but still. There is some little shit here that seems just as blatant as the similarities between John and Cas. Did they really have to have so many just… I just…I can’t be the only one who noticed this case with Meg and Gem’s names, right? Am I the crazy one?

Speaking of Gem, now that I have re-read this for this post, I noticed something I hadn’t before. This might just be the situation or something, this seems to imply that Gem is sensitive in a similar way that John is; that is she is able to connect with the metaphysical in a way. It makes sense that she is so close to him. In a way I feel like they have a lot in common; both of them have a real draw to magic and the occult. Neither of them are able to rely on their parents for one reason or another, and both of them are unable to find any real emotional support from his sister Cheryl. I mean, you know shit is bad when uncle John is a better big brother/father figure than your own dad (no offence to John or his dumpster fire of a life).

As for Cheryl I can’t help but judge her a little here. At least in this case, while she is clearly upset and worried for her daughter, I can’t help but wonder “where the hell has she been?” It had to have been obvious that Gem was having issues. Did it not occur to her that the major changes in their lives could be really detrimental to Gem’s wellbeing? I get that cults get into your head and change you and all, but still. I dunno, maybe she isn’t a bad mom, per say, but when I read the chapters showing what she was like when she and John were little (more into herself than anything), it gets me thinking that maybe that’s just her personality. Maybe it’s due to how she and John were raised, which was not a good time, or maybe it’s her fixation on her shitty marriage. God knows I’ve met enough people in my life where their parent’s relationship was more important than their kids/literally anything else. I get that shit can be complicated, but at least right now I am seriously judging her.

I mean, what Gem did was stupid, but she is also a child. A lonely child, taken away from the world she had grown up in leading up until this point and isolated from the comforts she has always knew. With her parents in a cult, I can kinda see how it made her an easy target for the ghosts and the man; she wanted to fit in somewhere and she wasn’t getting the love and attention she needed at home. Poor thing. Plus, in agreeing to go with them, although the girls manipulated her, in that moment I can see how it felt like what was happening was her choice; when it came to the cult and the insanity it created in her home she had no say in what happened to her and she makes clear her frustration over that at the beginning of the chapter. Again, not stupid, but manipulated while she was in a rough patch in her life.

What did I like? Let’s start with the cover! This series has some seriously great art. Gets me HYPED. Though, I suppose that’s the point. So, good on them.

This is also, I think, the first time that synchronicity is mentioned. If you don’t know about synchronicity there is a decent-ish explanation on Wikipedia. Awesomely enough I found that it was a little easier to understand through the Police song Synchronicity II (it all comes back to Sting in the end). This plays a pretty big role in the fuckery that happens in Swamp Thing, and it’s interesting enough on it’s own, so it’s worth looking up if you’re curious.

Of course this is where Zed comes in. Woo! She is a fun one. I like that she just kinda goes along with everything. Like, she is ok with driving John out there in the middle of the night like “fuck it, I don’t have anything better to do. Let’s see where this goes.” I mean, I get that she wants to figure out what it is that connects her to John and probly wants to stick close to him, but she didn’t need to go that far. Pretty dope.

I love that John dropped everything, even the sex, to go after Gem (good uncle is good). I love that Zed got involved and helped. John even points out that this is not her problem, and really she barely knows him, but she risks her own safety to help him find Gem. It says a lot about her. I think her character is very mysterious here and this gives you a reason to trust her. Much respect.

I swear that something like this is said in the live action portrayal of John (Matt Ryan) but for the life of me I cannot find the episode. If I do find it I’ll put it here since now it’s bothering me.

Fun observation I made language wise: the use of “ta”. It apparently means “thanks”. Some sources I found simply list it as British slang, while another one I found said that it was specifically a Scouse thing. So far I think John is the only person who has used it, so that would make sense.

Along the same lines I noticed the use of the word “cheers”. It appears that it’s a kind of sentence ender, at least in the context that John uses it.

Words/phrases that I had to look up:

Journo- slang for journalist

[indigobluedreams]

💗 and 🌟 for Ryoma and Teru! ^^

Thanks for the ask!! ':DD I appreciate it dude!!! Keep in mind your f/os love youuuu cause they just,,,, CANNOT express how much they love YOUUU!!!!

💗: How do you two like to cuddle?

Tennis baby

I feel like it'd take a while to build up not only the confidence, But for Ryoma to be comfortable with hugs in general. Especially after what happened to his girlfriend ':( So We have to take it slow. Thoughhh, When he DO cuddle!!! It's the best thing!!! Usually either in a spooning position or just a plain ol' hugging position where he like, Chills. I'm usually the big spoon due to the height difference and just,,, Funky trust issues. Also I'm scared I'll accidentally crush him. But the best thing is burying my face into the top of his head, Cause his hair texture is really nice and his hat is also nice if he's wearing it. Either way he's just a good vibe. Very smoothie, Top notch. Or just,,, When he's not paying attention and hugging, I just hold him close,,,, Then I'll say his name, He's just like " What? " and MWAH. His face is pampered with kisses and snuggling innnn because affection yay. Other times he knows what I'm doing so he's like " Haha no " cause he doesnt think he's worthy of it but JOKES ON HIMMMM, THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!! I'm going to smooch you and you cannot do anything about it. So yeah, Wholesome snuggles and love for small man. Small man filled with love and cats.

Mama's boy

We!!! cuddle!!! alot!!! He's alot more comfortable with physical affection and um, Cuddling is real neat. It's a nice way to unwind when he's either been stressed about his mother, Been in the kitchen all day making stuff or just,,, Cause he's whiney and wants my attention. Agian, I'm usually the big spoon due to height but sometimes we switch it up, Cause he wants to hold me but I'm kinda nervous about that jsgdgfdgg. But more often I prefer holding Teru cause Im a nervous ediot who doesn'r trust myself to be held nor sit still for long enough. But he's so SQUISHY. He's like a teddy bear and I!!! love!!! teddy bears!!! Whilst cuddling though, I enjoy playing with his hair. It's always so nice!!! He takes real good care of it so it's always real silky and soft so running my hands through it??? YES PLEASE. He probably makes lots of comments about me being a pretty neat person or something, I dunno I don't have a positive image of myself so, Y'know. But My flustered ass either hides my face in his hair, Neck or chest. Depends on what position we're in. And if he continues??? I am DEAD. BECAUSE I CANNOT TAKE A COMPLIMENT KDHDHFD.

🌟: Who’s the tease in the relationship?

RYOMAryomaRYOMAryomaRYOMA

Ryoma. Which is a suprise but like, He enjoys seeing my dumb flustered face. Also cause I can hardly get HIM flustered '>:(((. No matter how much I try to tease him,,,,, The only occasions I manage to his when I'm rambling about him and how amazing is is. Then he gets flustered cause he can't believe I think that 😔 But I do and he deserves to feel happy about that I think so HIGHLY of him,,, He just makes a couple comments, Then THE GREMLIN, Calls me a DORK??? The NERVE!! I mean I am,,,, but,,,,,,, please don't call me out 😳. Plus his,,, Teasing with,,,, His voice is just,,,, I can't,,, Kfhdhfb It sounds so nice then also  Either way, He's definetly more of a tease cause mines pretty much fail 95% of the time. But I WILL still try until I DO. He cannot stop me from doing so, Watch him try.

Teruteruteruteruteruteru

Hdndgvv Teru's more of the tease by far. I'm to flustered to say anything like that most of the time because if I try to HE JUST REBUTTALS AND KDJFIFUFU,,,, like please, Babe. Lemme just be like " Well, not my fault your a snack!! " But NO, He gotta hit me with a  " Thank you, I know I am. Want a bite? " then I'm flustered cause bRuhhhh, Even if I try " Your such a nerdddd " and then he'll be like " Yeah, But your a nerd too, Spesifically my nerd " and I go woosh,,,, Cause I am,,,,, And before I can come back with some, He's already hitting me with more and GHDXHSHHFH,,,, I cannot take it. Sometimes I do successfully tease him though and he has no comments to add!!! And when I do I get a stupid lil smug face like " >:^) " I did that. Haha!!!

[missmeikakuna]

Chad and the Incel Chapter 11

Rated: M

Fandom: Original Fiction (but inspired by the Virgin vs Chad meme)

Relationship type: Male/Male with a bit of Female/Female (the lesbians are adorable, btw) and unrequited Male/Female (in other words, the guys are bisexual).

Description: Chad is, well, a Chad, or at least he looks like one. He’s got his sights set on the cool nerd Becky and enlists the help of her shy incel ex-friend Noah, offering to help him get the gorgeous girl (Stacy) he desperately wants. Noah is reluctant to help, believing that he will be stuck in inceldom forever, but Chad’s interest in his life gives him hope. When their plans go awry, they start turning their romantic attention towards each other.

Content Warning: Given the subject matter, you can guess that this story has dark themes in it, such as suicide and self-harm (plus the mental health issues that often cause them), sexism, slut-shaming homophobia, biphobia and transphobia. There is also swearing and some mentions of sex but nothing too explicit (hence the M rating as opposed to an Explicit rating).

11th Post: I’m using a cope, sue me

Noah didn’t know what was worse, the obviously microwaved food, the uncomfortable bean bags or the creepy boy staring at him constantly from the other side of the room. He considered closing the curtain, but he wasn’t going to let that boy see him sweat. Not that it really mattered. Both he and this boy were there for the same reason.

It had been two weeks since Noah had been put in Silver Lining, and every day he cursed Chad’s name. However, after the first week, he had mixed his anger at Chad suggesting he go there with a flutter of anticipation. He told himself each night that he would see that stupid man soon if he put up with everything for just a few more days.

He was finally on his last day at the psychiatric hospital and his parents arrived to pick him up. His father spoke in hushed tones as if he was worried too much volume would shatter Noah like glass. His mother, on the other hand, complained about the hospital bills the entire trip home, interjecting her rants with questions to Noah about how he was feeling. Noah simply and without elaboration said that he was fine, each utterance of this answer more pointed in tone than the last.

When he went back to school, he held his breath. He had no idea who Chad had told about the suicide attempt, if anyone at all. 

No one looked his way, so he let go of his breath and searched the school for Chad, who smiled and waved before frowning and turning his head.

Chad repeated these motions in the classes they shared. And lunchtime. And after school. Noah felt his heart drop right to the ground like someone had tossed stones into it.

The next day rolled around and Noah walked up to Chad during lunch. He grabbed him by the arm and dragged him outside.

‘The fuck are you ignoring me for?’ he asked after getting him under the bleachers.

‘I wasn’t trying to ignore you!’ Chad exclaimed with his hands moving about. ‘I wanted to give you some space. I didn’t want a repeat of last time, what with me intruding on you and stuff.’

‘Wouldn’t refusing to talk to me at all make things worse?’

Chad blinked three times before silently making an O shape with his mouth. ‘Fair point,’ he said while rubbing his jaw and looking at the ground. Noah hitched his breath at the gesture, trying not to get too distracted. He put his hands in his pockets and sighed.

‘So, well, what exactly are we now?’

Chad let go of his jaw and grinned. ‘You still up for that? I started thinking you weren’t in the right frame of mind when you kissed me, so I was getting a little worried. Plus, I did a godawful job talking you out of suicide, so it’s a miracle it turned out okay. Oh, but you’ve still got more recovery to do, right? I should probably wait until-’

‘How long do you think that’s going to be?’ Noah yelled.

Chad flinched. ‘A few months?’

Noah groaned but lowered the volume of his voice. ‘It’s going to take me years and years. I don’t think I can wait that long. Hell, therapy might last my whole life.’

The O mouth returned to Chad’s face. ‘Okay, so, maybe we could, I dunno, take it slow?’

‘We’ve already done it. How slow could we possibly get?’

‘Well, um, we could just take it slow from now on. You know, go on a couple of dates every once in a while. No super big commitment.’

‘What, so you can go bang a bunch of foids?’ Noah blurted out before immediately covering his mouth. ‘Sorry,’ he said through the gaps in his fingers. ‘Just slipped out.’

Chad frowned for a moment before giving Noah a warm smile and placing his hand on his shoulder, massaging his neck with his thumb.

‘Slow and steady it is,’ he said. Noah moved his hands to the rest of his face and tittered, earning an even bigger smile from Chad. ‘So, secretive or not secretive? After what we’ve been through together, I don’t think I care what people think anymore.’

‘Maybe secretive for the first week.’

‘And then?’

‘And then I’ll have made up my mind. Maybe we’ll be open, maybe not.’

With a nod from Chad, the two grabbed each other’s hand and squeezed it before letting go and heading out from under the bleachers.

They passed Stacy crying as her friends berated her. Chad was about to try and rescue her when he saw Becky standing behind her with a hand massaging the crying girl’s shoulder.

Stacy wiped her tears away and told her now-ex friends in no uncertain terms, ‘Fuck off.’ When the girls left, she cried into Becky’s chest.

‘You’ll find some new friends,’ Becky said as she patted her girlfriend on the back. ‘I just know you will.’ She gave her a light kiss on the forehead and Stacy reciprocated with a kiss on the lips.

Upon seeing this display, Noah initially felt his hands clench into fists, but he then realised how close one of his hands was to Chad’s and grabbed it.

Chad beamed with the joy of a homeless person winning the lottery. ‘No secrets, then?’

Noah paused, then nodded. ‘I managed to get someone interested in me. Might as well show that off.’

Chad put a hand on his chest and feigned shock and horror. ‘I’m just a prize to you?’ He smirked and leaned down to Noah. ‘How much am I worth?’ Noah rolled his eyes but chuckled.

As they walked into the cafeteria, hand in hand, Tyrone started an oh so witty quip but remembered Chad’s treatment of him earlier and zipped out of the cafeteria.

During the weekend following two weeks, Noah watched Chad play football and then took him to his place. The laptop was back in its spot but the walls were still bare. The couple put all of Noah’s anime merchandise back in their original places along with the planes and the NFL poster. When Chad pulled out that poster, he rolled it and unrolled it multiple times as if expecting to see a different poster when he unrolled it. Noah laughed at this and Chad joined in.

While Chad sat on the bed waiting to watch anime with his boyfriend, Noah opened the laptop and went onto the incel forum. He moved his mouse over the delete account button and, following a deep breath, clicked it.

[gifsbysimplysonia]

End of Day Sh!t post - July 30, 2019

I love the fact I can be looking up ONE obsession (a quote about Bucky Barnes’ “inherent goodness”) to try and find the source, only to have ANOTHER obsession stare me in the face

Hi A7X. Hope while you’re busy hockin’ your wares and highlighting fans on your IG story every 30 seconds so that I get a notification and it’s NOT band content (but of course I don’t turn them off cuz what if I miss a certain cute stupid face?) ... you’re relaxing and enjoying the time off! *waves* 

Out of absolutely NOWHERE, I took a look at the prompt list for a Writing Challenge that’s popped up on my dash a few times. I didn’t want to commit to participating because I still haven’t finished my Dare fic for @valkyrieofsmut that was due LAST NOVEMBER because I am a failure of a human and apparently too afraid to write smut with Thick Bucky? I hate myself. 

BUT, for some reason yesterday, when I clicked to see what prompts/scenarios were left on the list, something sent my mind spinning and I ended up writing a Steve Rogers drabble. I was enjoying myself when I wrote it but then I had a couple of people read it and besides the fact I couldn’t come up with a good ending, I think I just hate it now lol. I was telling my NorCal bestie, what an awful thing, to be my friend AND have to be my editor cuz I’m forever needing coddling and reassurance AS A WRITER on top of needing it as just, like, a whiny person *smh*

These are the docs I have saved in Google as of now

And this isn’t even counting the EXTREMELY LONG ideas/prompts/beginnings of something Note I have in an app on my phone cuz that is also chock full of stuff that randomly hits me so I have to hurry up and open the app on my phone so I don’t lose it. What’s SUPER hilarious is me going back to that file and being like, “Oh wow, that’s a good idea. I wish someone else would write it cuz I know I can’t” lol *headdesk* 

It does feel good to create again, though. Kevin Smith tweeted something the other day that hit my heart cuz it described how I feel about writing

The feeling after I actually FINISH a story is SO AMAZING! I feel SO GOOD about the fact that I could take something that started as an INKLING and bring it through to a conclusion. But as you can see *gestures wildly around me*, my track record of finishing vs. not finishing is PA-THE-TIC :( I don’t know how I can start super excited about an idea, get started on it, and then get STUCK. And the longer I get stuck? The more convinced I become that I should just trash everything immediately and set it on fire. I DON’T because I also happen to be a packrat lol so what IF I do get inspiration some random day in the future? 

And that sh!t ACTUALLY  happened cuz I found a fic from like 2010 in my email drafts and suddenly took the 3 paragraphs I had and took it all the way through to a conclusion and I was like ............ WTF?!? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!?! So, I know I’m CAPABLE but that almost makes it WORSE cuz then it’s like ... well then, why can’t I just make this happen for EVERY one of these ideas? 

Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh. I wish there was a way to jump start the creative mind. 

Since I haven’t done a writing challenge before, I’ve been informed I can go ahead and post it whenever I want, just tag it properly/as it was requested. I’m terrified tho. Like, I tell other authors/writers to write for themselves and to be able to feel fulfilled on their own. But when it comes down to it, if I don’t receive SOME validation for something I’ve written? My heart BREAKS, man. And Marvel was the WRONG DAMN FANDOM to try and start writing for after a decade plus hiatus cuz there are SUCH HIGH QUALITY WRITERS! I feel intimidated ALL THE TIME and like a dummy for even TRYING to participate and think I’m in their league? Which I don’t, but it’s like ... I dunno. I’ve also come across fics that aren’t high quality but have ALL THE NOTES so I don’t think I understand how it really works with fic.

If my bestie likes it and anyone else I trick into reading it likes it...I need to get into a mindset of “That’s enough.” So how do I trick my own stubborn mind? LOL

Ugh, I’m such a mess. If you somehow made it to the end of this, you’re awesome and I’m sorry I stole those minutes of your life away

but I thank you for taking an interest and I’m wishing you love and light!

PS Tomorrow Red Sea Diving Resort premieres on Netflix and I could totally watch it at work but I feel TOO GUILTY about lusting after Evans in a movie that’s about a serious religious / political issue and is based on a true story >.< I don’t know how my own mind works, I swear. 

[eyesaremosaics]

It’s been a rough couple of days. All his stupid ex girlfriends keep contacting me, ugh. It was nice of them to let me in and tell me what’s going on, but this one in particular is the one who drove a wedge in our friendship for the last few years. I know these girls were only mean to me because they are jealous, but it still hurts. I never did anything to deserve the way they have treated me. Plus kicking someone when they are down is unforgivable in my eyes. Maybe she’s trying to call come kind of truce now that he’s dying. It’s just too much to think about.

I realize now that my issues of not being special come from my first experience with love, with him. He always had a ton of girl friends, and he flirted with and courted them all. I never felt special, though he told me I was. Then I would see some girl hanging all over him at school and it would feel like someone shot a harpoon through my chest.

All these girls think they know him better than I do. Becky used to AIM me after school to go on and on about how only SHE really understands him. Then with Christina, and she who shall not be named. I’m tired of being shoved into a crowd of women. One of the many in the fucking harem. I felt that way with many other boyfriends too. My last boyfriend was the only one who made me feel special to him. At least now I know how that feels I guess. I know what I need and don’t need now.

I NEED to feel irreplaceable, that’s why my feelings for M changed, I was in love with him for six long and lonely years. He never wanted to commit to me, but he toyed with my affections constantly. I know he found me attractive (he made that very evident), and I talked to him on the phone every single day for ten years. We fell asleep talking to each other every night—he was my best friend. Yet I always felt like a consolation prize, or second place to other girls he fancied. It gave me a huge inferiority conplex, and so young...

Eventually I found the sociopath, who pretended to be madly in love with me the way I always dreamed someone would. Being lured away into the underworld with this person, left M with a strange emotion I had never seen him show in regards to be before—jealousy. M and I have the same fear believe it or not, of being replaceable. He got his heart broken by a girl the same way he broke mine. Anyway—that was the reason I decided to let go and just be friends. M was jealous, and made it known to me that he did not like my new love interest. “There is something wrong with that guy Megan, I’m telling you. I can just feel it, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

And he was right, makes me laugh thinking about how he used to always say that to me: “yeah, because I’m always right.”

He was there for me when the sociopath dropped me like a hot rock, and spat on me like garbage. He was there for me through my miscarriage, and later my abortion. My own boyfriend at the time wasn’t there. I called M, doubled over in tremendous amouths of pain, alone in my room... it was awful. M was in the phone with me the whole time, and he had pure anger over n his voice (not directed at me): “Megan, where is your boyfriend during all of this?”

“I dunno out at some club with his friends I guess .”

“Then you need to leave him. No man would not be there for his woman through this.” Which made me start to cry again, deep tears that went beyond the situation. My heart was crying out at that time, mourning the fact it had never been properly loved.

His voice softened at the sound of my tears. I could hear the pain in his voice as he said: “I’m sorry Megan. You always deserved better than anyone was capable of giving you.”

I’ll never forget that. It was very touching. He was there through all my breakups, I was there for all of his. When I got out of my longest relationship, he invited me over to feed Kevin (his pet crow), and we watched old Disneyland programs from the 60s, in his room he built a kitchen with n so he wouldn’t have to leave his room and interact with others. Always was a Howard Hughes that one. He held me while I cried, and was just there for me. He’s been my rock for 18 years...I’ve known him since I was 13 years old... I would walk through fire for that guy...I’m so broken hearted that he is choosing to end his life. Trying to breathe through this, one day at a time. Though I respect his decision, and understand why he is making it, it’s still devastating.

I’m processing so much right now. With his health failing, and ghosts from my past resurfacing, and then enemies coming out of the woodwork on top of it all. To call a truce? Or twist the knife? I have no idea. Maybe I’m reading too much into things. And maybe none of it matters anymore. You n the end, none of it matters anymore. In the face of mortality, our petty problems are meaningless.

All I know is I am leary to engage with people on a deep level anymore. I don’t feel safe letting people in. I built these walls so high, for the purpose of keeping people out. The one person I felt I could really confide in... is going away slowly. I feel him leaving this world. I begged him to let me come to the hospital. He refused. Only Christina, Chris and his parents have seen him.

“Let me come see you. Please.”

“No. It’s too hard for me. It’s hard enough to choose this, without breaking everyone’s heart in front of my face.”

I think he doesn’t want me to see how bad he looks. He must be really skinny and wasted away... I’m sure he doesn’t want people to remember him that way...

When he called the other day, it was the day after I cut cords with someone close to me. Then he called out of the blue, I saw his name on the screen and couldn’t believe it. This fight of ours had gone on for years, and he apologized for how he acted in that situation, which I never thought he would. He alluded to feeling responsible for my becoming a drug addict/alcoholic, saying he feels like all he does is cause pain to others and ruin their lives.

All those years he pushed me away... I think it wasn’t that he didn’t love me, I think he did. And his way of loving me, was by letting me go. The one and only time we were intimate, I gave my virginity to him. He said he wanted the first person to be someone who deeply cared about me. We barely got into it, two minutes in he freaked out and ran in the bathroom to hide from me. He was silently crying, and said: “I can’t do it. I can’t ruin your life.”

He saw me mourning my love for him, and took my hand—I knew he loved me then.

He always had my back, stood up for me to bullies. I was bullied badly in middle school, when I came to high school... he was Mr popular punk rock guy. All the girls were in love with him, and I melted into the wall like the nobody I was. He pushed through literally a crowd of girls and came over to say hi—to me. He took me under his wing and protected me from the hierarchy of high school. I was cool by proxy, as his kid sister.

At that time he thought I was too young, I was 13 and he was 16. But as I got older and we became closer as friends, his attraction to me became more pronounced. The thing about him, that makes him so appealing to women—is that he finds beauty in all your imperfections. It’s irresistible.

He always made me feel like he appreciated the individual I was, he inspired me to create constantly —as he is so incredibly talented at so many things. We wrote a children’s book together, I wrote the story and he illustrated it. We used to make funny short films, like jazzercize work outs and funny fake commercials. I collect VHS because he stubbornly only used them, he was deeply devoted to the 80s/90s culture. We used to lay in his room, not talking, just holding each other listening to music. We didn’t need to talk, the understanding was always there.

He is the only one who ever really understood me, and for all my faults, holes, mistakes, darkness—he still stood by me. He still cared about me. That means so much, it’s making me cry just to write that down.

Sorry guys, but I will probably be writing these musings or mementos in the coming weeks. Trying to come to terms with what is to come.

[bigskydreaming]

gingerjab replied to your post “ANYWAY. The petition/prayer circle for Michael Trevino to be cast as...”

I’m forever an asshole obsessed with fire/ice ships so Thunderbird or Sunfire, fuck the inhumans one off and St. John. Also, Rahul Kohli as Neal Shaara/Thunderbird/Agni. Also I’m sposed to be asleep so ignore if this is a shit idea.

For the record, I actually kinda like the Inhuman guy, cuz I mean, its not his fault he’s part of a trash franchise. I think it probably helps that I’ve only ever read one issue with him, so as to render it absolutely impossible for his writing to piss me off. I like to just close my eyes and pretend he’s a mutant. Y’know. Like I do with Kamala!

Who is obviously a mutant.

(And like.....let’s be real. The dude is a pyrokinetic with a demon form, the codename INFERNO, and his REAL name is DANTE Pertuz. DANTE. INFERNO. Like, that’s the on-the-nose-fuck-your-subtlety-we-came-here-to-be-pretentious-as-fuck-with-our-literary-references-look-how-dignified-it-makes-our-character balls to the wall character concept I am HERE for. I’m like OH HAI I SEE WHAT U DID THAR. And they’re like “oh yeah? You got it? Hahaha, we were worried nobody would, phew, good job tho. Totally adds to the character right? Pretty clever of us.” And then I’d be like Hahahaha no, not even a little bit, but ‘scool, I like him anyway cuz I’m easy like that. I put out for puns.” And then they’d be like awwwww, dammit, we worked so hard on that. And I’d be like....well, that doesn’t speak highly of your abilities, I mean it was a super obvious joke. And then I stopped making up conversations with hypothetical people in my head.)

Also, in defense of comic book St. John Allerdyce and absolutely NO OTHER VERSIONS EVER because agreed, they all suck....

Comic book St. John is a snarky Australian asshole who in between acts of mutant mass destruction, has a side career as a successful romance novelist under a pen name.

(I’m not even joking. Comic book St. John, in canon, writes romance novels in his spare time as a hobby. LOLOLOL c’mon, how is that not a great character beat for a supervillain slash occasional kinda-if-you-squint-superhero).

Anyway.

I too am also trash for fire/ice ships because SCREW SUBTLETY, WE SHIP THEMATICALLY. But like, its gotta be the RIGHT fire/ice ship. I weirdly have standards with my fire/ice ships? Probably just because I’m obsessed with Bobby Drake but whatever, who cares, how is that relevant.

I mean, OBVIOUSLY, you have your proto-fire/ice ship, the one, the original, the Word I came out of the womb prepared to preach and ship and like, spread to the masses....Bobby Drake/Johnny Storm. Because like. They are elemental dorks whose competitiveness is only matched by their dumbness, how can you not love them, I DEFY YOU TO SAY.

I’m kinda meh on Iceman/Pyro, because like, original comic book Pyro and Bobby never even interacted I think? And in cartoons they’re always totally different generations/age groups, and in the movies they’re like....boring and stale and not even all that attractive and also did I mention boring, omg no offense to whomever wrote them, but I tried reading Bobby/Pyro movie fanfic years ago because like, that’s the only movie Bobby fic there is, unless you want to read about him being an asshole to Rogue and/or cheating with Kitty and just generally driving Rogue into the arms of the much (much much much much, like ewww) older Logan or Gambit. Because srsly, so appealing. So obviously, I caved and tried reading Bobby/Pyro fics because like, they had the word ‘Bobby’ in them, and the bar is too low in my X-Men fic reading habits. And omg I fell asleep. I just. It was all just the standard m/m cookie cutter generic ‘good boy plus bad boy uwu yaoi-zowey’ bleh starring two not at all deeply written or well-acted meh-looking white dudes, and just. Why.

But that’s what I mean when I say I’m wary of fire/ice ships, because sometimes with powered characters like, authors think oh hey, LOOK ONE IS FIRE AND ONE IS ICE, THIS TOTALLY COUNTS AS THEM HAVING OPPOSITES ATTRACT PERSONALITIES AND THUS I DONT NEED TO GIVE THEM A PERSONALITY, RIGHT? Like. They’re just very boring and unimaginative in execution, just because they expect the basic premise of fire and ice/’obvious opposites attract, obviously’ to do all the work for them.

(Katey if you’re reading this I’m super for sure not talking about YOUR superpowered romances, because you are wonderful and GOOD at writing and imaginative, and thus none of this applies to you. Requisite disclaimer.)

So, when they did this random Bobby/’New Pyro Dude like where did he even come from I still dont know’ hook-up, I was prepared to like, yawn endlessly, because I figured it would be more boring imaginationless ‘ooh look what an obvious pair they are and yet still praise me for how clever I am for pairing them’ crap. 

And I was absolutely right!

(But I mean, it was written by Marc Guggenheim, the odds of it sucking were totally in my favor. Betting against them being well-written under his pen might feasibly be construed as cheating. Whatever).

And also, the art did them ZERO favors, like I know they’re both generic blond dudes in their twenties, but I LITERALLY COULD NOT TELL WHICH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WHICH in any of the panels that they were like, in bed together or dressing or talking or literally anything until they started using their powers to fight bad guys. It was soooooooo bad. Like the art just manifested every ‘look at the white gay date his mirror reflection lol what is variety even’ cliche and beat you over the head with it.

(Also Bobby is supposed to have brown hair, which at least would’ve helped a LITTLE bit. Meh. Still was gonna suck because like, nobody had any intention of WRITING them together, like, developing their characters and laying the groundwork for a possible relationship. It was just ‘oh look, the fire and ice dude got drunk at a wedding and hooked up, cool deal, now on with the story.’)

Anyway, the ONLY redeeming potential for a Bobby/Simon relationship in my opinion is ENTIRELY due to a fic I read with them. Its probably the only fic written about Simon ever, lmfao, so its not like the writer’s characterization of him has any competition among either canon or other fans’ renditions of him. But it was pretty well written, I actually liked their portrayal of Bobby, which I’m SUPER picky about in fanfics, and they actually invested time in developing Simon and his POV and giving him an actual personality and shit, that wasn’t half bad. So if Simon was written like that in the comics and their relationship progressed in similar ways, I could feasibly be on board with them.

But it won’t, so I’m not. Meh. Anyway.

I actually really REALLY like both Shiro AND Neal, with the caveat that I hate Neal’s stupid offensive-ass codename, I know Claremont only named him Thunderbird because he introduced him in an anniversary issue that was supposed to be a call-back to the original Giant Size lineup, and he needed a stand-in for John Proudstar, but like....wtf Claremont, just use your brain and save Neal to introduce a whole issue later and stick Jamie in John’s place the way everyone else does. He literally went by Thunderbird in the comics already in his Hellion days, which YOU wrote, so why the fuck did you feel the need to be stupidly offensive and act like Native American people and traditions are interchangeable with those of a guy from India? Ugh he’s so....gah.

Anyway. So I actually like both Shiro and Neal, though pretty much only when people other than Claremont are writing them, lololol. Which is admittedly...rare. Because of all his pet characters, they’re both at the top of the list of ones nobody else has any interest in touching. Bizarrely, my favorite run involving Shiro was when he was randomly shoe-horned into that Alpha Flight relaunch in the late 90s, that only lasted a couple years? Dunno if you know what I’m talking about, the team with Radius, Flex, Murmur, Heather as Vindicator and Mac was a robot or some weird shit.

I have no real thoughts on either of them with Bobby though, for a fire and ice pairing. Tbh I can’t really see Bobby/Shiro like, at ALL lmfao. For one, Shiro’s always felt written as though he’s a good ten years older than Bobby at least. Like they’re not really compatible dialogue-wise lol. And he’s pretty much never had any patience for Bobby in the comics, which has a lot to do with most of their interactions being written by Claremont himself, and Claremont infamously haaaaaaates Bobby’s character and trashes him any chance he gets, aka the few times editorial makes him actually use Bobby in a script. But I also think even under other writers, like....Shiro honestly is not the type to have any patience for Bobby’s antics or brand of humor, like.....he’s like JP but without the superficial crush JP used in canon to view Bobby’s idiosyncrasies as endearing instead of migraine inducing. I don’t think any readers would buy someone of JP or Shiro’s personality-type crushing on Bobby twice, lololol.

I DO however kinda like the idea of Neal/Bobby? If someone ever actually brought Neal back and gave him a new codename and stuck him on a team with Bobby? They’ve also barely interacted in canon, and the only time I can think of, Neal was super rude and dismissive of Bobby, because like, Claremont was writing it of course, so it made total sense for him to have the dude who’s literally been an X-Man for two issues talk down to the X-Man of several decades like the latter had no clue what he was doing, lol. Oops, still slightly salty there. 

But honestly, I doubt anyone who didn’t have hyperfixation fueled grudges on a fictional fave’s behalf would ever even remember that one canon interaction, and tbh Neal’s pretty much a blank slate character wise. His only defining traits from what little he’s been used are that he’s fairly young, in his early to mid-twenties, from a wealthy family, a little full of himself but in a ‘really wants to impress people and prove himself’ kinda way instead of an overly entitled ‘i genuinely believe I am superior to all you buffoons’ kinda way. And he was always endearingly enthusiastic and eager about new stuff he encountered from being with the X-Men.

(He was also randomly obsessed with Psylocke, but I truly think Claremont was like, well I’m just gonna write him like I would Warren Worthington because why not. So yeah, obvsly he’s super obsessed with Betsy. Duh.)

Anyway - I would like someone to do something interesting with Neal, and I think his and Bobby’s chemistry has a lot of potential and they could bounce off each other well. 

Also, I like Rahul, but I was randomly fancasting some of the more obscure X-Men awhile back for Reasons (I forget what they were tbh, but I’m sure I had them. I usually do). I came across this Indian actor named Karan Tacker and was like ohhhhhhh he totally looks like he could be Neal Shaara.

I mean, I’ve literally never seen him act, so who knows what his acting is like, but since we’ve established Neal’s character is essentially whatever the person to actually use him next wants it to be, I don’t think that’s a big deal lol.

So this is totally superficially based casting, like I think this guy looks and ‘feels’ the way Neal’s typically been drawn and the kinda vibe he gives off.

Also, incidentally, having absolutely nothing to do with anything, let alone my selection process, by pure coincidence the dude just so happens to have abs for daaaaaaays.

But I mean. Like I said, that is neither here nor there. Obviously.

Of no relevance whatsoever. I didn’t even notice, tbh. Don’t even know who hijacked my body and ghost wrote these last few sentences, quick, call an exorcist.

....oh noes, is this one of the consequences of being an ‘anti’? IS THIS MY COMEUPPANCE? *flees*

[serenagaywaterford]

i’m getting a little anxious about s3. and not in a good way.  (don’t worry. i’m not talking about tuello/serena again.)

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

mostly cos there’s that article that confirmed basically what we already sorta knew: that june is gonna be at lawrence’s as his handmaid. (so at least no more ceremony rape which is nice.)

but forgive me... but i’m pessimistic about the fracturing of the main cast. that never really works well? and we’ve already seen how tht handles it. (not well lol)

now we have june, serena, nick, janine, and moira all in different places with divergent stories. (we know emily and nichole will join up with moira, luke, and erin. and likely sylvia and oliver. so there’s a whole canada crew.) i mean janine has never been a core player but she’s fairly important. and rita... will... likely go with the waterfords wherever they go.

but without june at the waterfords, she’s separated from serena, fred, nick, and janine all in one swoop. (but then of course the waterfords burns down so lol)

now, things i’m really not interested in which i feel are going to take up a lot of time because of this fractured cast:

- serena and fred’s failing relationship. call me biased but i honestly don’t give a shit. i don’t care about fred’s feelings in any way whatsoever. i don’t care about him being sad. or angry. or anything. i simply do not care about him. he needs to die this season. him being upset at his wife who hates him now is so dull. i love serena, i care about what is happening with her character but fred is an accessory to that, not the centre of it. i know there has to be something about him cos he’s tied to serena’s character in many ways, but i’m not here for Poor Fred’s Sad Times Manpain.

- nick being in the army or whatever. i just don’t think he’s a strong enough actor or character to carry scenes by himself. it only worked cos he was playing opposite powerhitters like moss, fiennes, and strahovski (even sweeney). without them to carry the scenes, i fear i’m gonna be bored af. even as a character, he’s just... not that interesting. sorry. the show has managed to actually strip the book character of his moderate complexity and made him into some flat love-interest cliche. who magically survives every treasonous thing he does. so for him to suddenly be a tough guy who is commanding a guardian regiment is fucking laughable. just plain batty. thus, because it’s so nonsensical, it bores me. nick, just in general, bores the fuck outta me on a good day. i dread s3 scenes with him. how nick isn’t fucking DEAD by now for all the shit he’s pulled on waterford it’s bonkers. at the very least, as an eye he should have been removed from that assignment. but i digress. yawn.

- lawrence/june stand-offs or lessons or whatever they wanna frame them as. “he’s testing her”. UGH. i mean, i don’t mind some of it (and apparently they’re gonna partner up)... but i really will be bored when every scene of her in a household is just a showdown of some kind with lawrence. quite frankly, again, maybe i’m just a misandrist but i give zero shits about lawrence either. i don’t wanna her about his pathetic man-struggles and his humanity. i don’t care about his regrets. 

here’s how it goes: i do not care about the men. period. like, there’s no mystery about why men do what they do. there’s no complexity. their stories like this have been told 6,203,009,484,836,334 times already in fiction. we see them in our history books over and over. there have been a million psychological treatises on why nazi men did what they did. why lawrence went along with it, why he continued it, what his contribution was, etc. etc. --- i. do. not. care. i really don’t care about him teaching june the trolley problem or whatever the point is. if the general audience is that lacking in ethical philosophy they need to be taught this, maybe this show is too much already. i also am not here for him using this to excuse his fascism. so, basically, my issue is i don’t care about lawrence. i’ve heard his story a 100 times already. 101 isn’t gonna make it somehow mind-blowing. or even interesting to me...

- lawrence flashbacks will be the death of me, and not in a fun good way. do not show me them. do not waste my precious fucking time on this loser dickhead.

- luke... well, i do sorta care about how the refugees are doing. mostly cos the show has handled it SO BADLY THUS FAR. they made it look super easy and just. no. their canada-side of things has been shit and completely bogus unrealistic. (but then i suspect atwood is partly to blame for that lol.) but i mean, the last thing i need is another full episode dedicated to woobie luke’s woes.

- basically, i give no shits about manpain in this show. none. every second of manpain is a second that a woman’s story is sidelined.

so, my issue with the set up is that when you separate the core characters, they all become strangely boring. what is interesting is their dynamics. and the fact that unless you are june, your story is really thrown to the wayside if you’re removed from her. look how they treated moira last season. and luke. even emily to some degree (but not nearly as badly as moira). she got fuck all to really do or be. luke, even worse. (not that i’m really complaining about that tbh.) emily and janine’s colonies subplots were hack jobs just to show what a colony is. 

now, fair play, i am 100% biased but the only character other than june that comes close to being able to carry a whole, complex story solo is serena. (hello 209). which, ofc, i’m not opposed to. but again, there is something missing in her narrative when she’s isolated from june for too long. 

moira could, if they’d let her. but so far they’ve squandered wiley’s talents and moira’s potential.

it’s sorta exactly because of how they’ve dealt with moira that i fear what will happen when they pull apart the main cast to this degree. yes, it’s the handmaid’s tale. yes, the book was a june solo story. but the show itself has always showed itself to be about other handmaid’s and women in general, almost as much. and how all these women interact. 

the thing is, the show is already treading dangerously into the ridiculous with half these characters even still being alive (june, janine, nick, emily), so it would take a shitload of magic for them to all stay together in one place. and when you pull them apart, it takes some magical deus ex machina shit to put them all back in the same place (hence that weird baptism thing when absolutely insanely they allow janine and the putnams in the same room lmao. plus june, serena, fred, aunt lydia... like yeah right. why doesn’t nick just show up too? hell, moira could stop in for a bite too. why not. nothing matters anymore.)

i dunno. maybe i’m just really cynical and pessimistic... but i don’t like the way it feels. pulling one character out is one thing. having two separate groups of different sides of the border is one thing. having every main character in their own story world is quite another. either the writers actually know what they’re doing after fucking moira & co. over last season, or it’s gonna be a rehash of that and we’re gonna be left with a lot of unsatisfactory, half-baked independent narrative arcs that don’t really weave back into each other in any sensible way.

on a completely separate level, i’m anxious cos of what they’re turning june into.

if the articles are to be believed, they’re making june become... some sort of rebel leader, loose with morality.

“You have to fight fire with fire,” Moss teases. “That’s become [June’s] journey in season 3. To fight against the people she has to fight, she has to become more like them.” Adds Miller: “We’re not doing a montage of June being radicalized — it’s 13 episodes. To see someone go through this process of becoming ruthless was a real challenge. We didn’t want to sensationalize it, or make it too morally easy, either.”

*sigh*

part of what i liked about june was that no matter how awful people were, she was always* very present and empathetic, and yeah she made stupid decisions, was selfish and narrow-minded at times, but inherently a GOOD--if flawed--character. i don’t wanna see serena 2.0. we have a serena, thanks, and she’s a bad person and the whole point is we want her to become a better person, not make june become a worse person to fit in with her lol. i don’t mind june harnessing some of that grit and power and cutthroat attitude, but serena is one of the weakest people and emulating her isn’t the best idea? am i crazy? i especially don’t need to see june turn into lawrence’s rebellious protege.

i dunno... it bothers me when every story about women ends up with “well they have to be more like men! that’s real power!!” (and i’m side-eyeing the male showrunner and male writers so fucking hard rn.) i’m not naive. i know some change is necessary, and to fight such a perverse system you have to infiltrate it, violently fight against it, and understand it. but you don’t need to become it. or again, maybe i’m just naive?

I DO NOT WANT “RUTHLESS JUNE”.

i’m sorry. i don’t. do some ruthless things, yes, that’s probably inevitable but to become a ruthless person? yikes. how has gilead not won then? it seems it has.

(*with the exception of eden. don’t even get me started...)

maybe i just need a cup of chamomile tea and to shut the fuck up until i actually watch it.

[bramblepaws]

meat part 4, where dirk starts talking about philosophy and I Start Yelling

both of you can go fuck urselves because I’VE read Kierkegaard, and it has done NOTHING to improve my life or thoughts about the self!!!

i should reread Kierkegaard.

also besides, defining what the self is.. is so!! subjective!! there are already so many people who have tried. is it simply a bundle of experiences? is it your flesh and blood? are we gonna delve into  the mind/body problem?? HUH HUSSIE? ARE WE GONNA DO PHILOSOPHY UP IN THIS BITCH?? THAT’S WHAT I MAJORED IN SO IM READY TO KICK YOUR ASS,

oh god now we’re going into free-will debates? im going to be trapped in this comic forever.

“i think therefore i am” actually is interesting but Descartes also said that our souls control our bodies like we’re driving a car so. also he was a big part of the reason i don’t even believe in souls anymore. god!!!!!! i should reread Descartes

dirk that’s not even like a philosophical theory, that’s just A Way Of Talking

oh now you’re gonna bring truth and validity into this? huh? socrates is a man or whatever garbage? HUH??? ho

okay finally circling back to the free will thing, which IS actually really interesting. i’m completely fascinated by the idea that there isn’t actually free will, because we don’t choose the DNA we are created with or the circumstances we are born into, and we make all decisions in life off of those, so therefore we will react to any outside stimuli in the same way every time. BUT the free will argument also reminds me why people hate philosophy, because it’s one of those questions that i always want to automatically respond with “shut up? don’t ask me that? bye?”

because we CAN’T live life if we don’t think that there’s free will! we have to act as though there is, otherwise we’ll fall into a state where we distance ourselves from our own actions and don’t take responsibility for anything we do.

so it’s extra concerning that Dirk keeps honing in on this, because... is he following the line of thought that there isn’t free will, and therefore distancing himself from his own actions and just doing what he “knows he will” or whatever? or is he, by trying to take control of the narrative, attempting to prove that he is the only one who has free will, and break out of it? but even doing that doesn’t subvert the idea that he would be taking that action due to Being Who He Is.

THAT IS, QUITE FRANKLY, UP FOR DEBATE!!! YOU CAN’T JUST DECIDE WHICH PHILOSOPHICAL LINE OF THOUGHT IS “RIGHT” LIKE THAT. some people don’t even believe that experiences matter. some people don’t even think that matter matters! some people don’t think that there’s anything BUT matter, and others think there’s matter and non-matter, and how the hell do those even interact? and some people!!! think that we aren’t even any of that!! that individuality is purely how we interact with the world around us, with no “mind” at all!! they’re wrong but like the theories of thought are out there and who are you to wave them away without a counter-argument that other people can dissect forever because philosophers always use stupid ambiguous language.

also i can’t believe you’re bringing in the bundled experiences thing that i mentioned earlier.

okay so if the self is, hypothetically speaking, a collection both of your base personality traits and your experiences, dirk is saying that the ultimate self is just the base personality plus Every Possible Experience you could have. which IS interesting to think about, but like, also bizarre? because if you explore every possible experience, how would that change you as a person? human brains don’t have the capacity for that sort of memory (hence rose unraveling i guess). but like... part of how our personalities are created is through cherry-picking the events that most strongly correlate to how we conceptualize ourselves. so our vision of ourselves ALSO influences the self. and we can’t have conflicting views of the self, because then there’s like... fracturing... you can’t visualize yourself as detail-oriented AND not detail-oriented. you can maybe sort them into different categories, like being detail-oriented when it comes to the physical space you occupy but being non detail-oriented when it comes to, say, reading a situation. but you can’t... apply both concepts to the exact same thing, because then it’s a paradox.

and our visions of the self are key in making future decisions. if our Selves are unlimited, Ultimate even, how would anyone be able to make decisions? it doesn’t even matter if they have free will or not! because in the scenario of not having free will, the traits and experiences informing each decision will be nearly infinite, which will mean that there won’t be one answer. you’d be literally paralyzed by possibility! because even if the base personality is the same across all universes, experiences DO shape you as a person. and there are some things that may be inevitable, but there’s so much that could go differently. Even just something like... a rock randomly falling and crushing one of your arms. it’s a traumatic experience, it shapes you, it changes how you interact with the world. and it wasn’t caused by anything you did; it was an entirely random act of the universe. so that You is inherently different from the you of a universe where the rock fell 10 seconds after you’d passed by already. 

i got lost in the weeds a bit here. but like.. also under the theory that we DO have free will. this is still the case? our personalities change. we could maybe make decisions, but we’d be caught up in a wave of possibilities and just.. different ways of thinking that would all contradict each other. like me, Choosing To Read The Epilogues. i probably wouldn’t have done it if Tang hadn’t come back to talk on tumblr about them! or, if we want to get crazy, maybe i wouldn’t have done it if i had my arm crushed by a rock! because i’d be like “this is long as fuck and i have to take life by the horns, i dont have TIME to read this, im BUSY”

i dunno it’s just. the ultimate self is insane to think about when you apply it to Real Philosophical thinking. basically what im saying is.... it’s not about being strong? it’s about becoming a literal paradox in the universe. 

and what’s the point of becoming your ultimate self, anyways! i think. if you could SEE your own experiences from other selves, that would be different. understanding “that’s another way things could have gone, and those are the results of it” is something that Could Work. it would increase someone’s understanding of both themselves and of consequences in general. but without being able to conceptualize those actions as happening to specifically Other You, everything becomes too much. you suddenly have conflicting personality traits with no direct line that you can follow across experiences, everything gets jumbled together inside of you, and it becomes SO much harder to understand. it’s hard enough understanding how our experiences shape our personality even with Just One!

unless Dirk thinks that the ultimate self is going to be able to parse through all of that clearly, which i guess they’d Have To if they were gonna be able to do literally anything. but even still, how would they choose? it’s not like their personalities are going to be Amplified, there’s just going to be a million more nuances now that they’ll have to sift through.

i feel like i’ve started circling around my own argument, which is what philosophers do so i guess im valid. but i’ll shut up for now and just keep reading. 

and that’s the main fucking issue here, dirk!!!!! regret is important! regret is a part of growing and making different choices!!

hm

first of all: i do not like you. second of all, if anything, you’re HER mirror. you’re the foil that was introduced halfway through the whole storyline. binch.

god is this gonna be some sort of star wars bullshit huh. come to the dark side i am your father etc, etc

wow i hate this! also we haven’t talked about philosophy in a while so ig im done for now

[kiribaku-some-cute-stuff]

Sero Week Day 1

@sero-week

Older Sero / Embarrassed

The Legend of DKFSTA

(posted on WST cuz I couldn’t wait on mine)

Disclaimer: 

This Fic is trash—beautiful trash which I adore and would die for—but trash nonetheless. This fic has not been beta’d in any way, shape or form. Expect type-os, punctuation abnormalities, continuity issues and possible/probable OOC issues. At the end of this fic I will give you the template in order to play this dumb game. (it’s the same one I posted last night.)

Also, I was going to add reaction images but they were breaking up the story so I left ‘em out, if you want the reaction image version hit me up and I shall post it. 

Anyway you guys have been warned lol rated T Word Count: 4.4k    

Read it on Ao3

“I’m sorry this game is called what now?” Sero asked incredulously as he joined Mina, Momo, Jirou, Tooru, Uraraka and Tsu in common room. He agreed to join in on their collective sleepover for no other reason than to make sure certain “individuals” (one individual if we’re being honest) wouldn’t mess with them. However, the girls decided to sweeten the deal by promising to watch one of Sero’s favorite movies. It was kind of a guilty pleasure movie, so the offer was pretty appealing. And well  look it may seem like a small thing but… the kid was a little lonely lately, and he was sure that this would be the one thing to cheer him up! Right?

Wrong.  

What he would soon discover, was that there was a catch. Of course there was. Poor Sero… This is the tale of how he got dragged into playing the insidious game he would ever be cursed to participate in.  

“I told you it’s called D-K-F-S-T-A.” Mina rolled her eyes

“That is not the name you used at all.” Sero said pointedly

“Well, whatever. Look it’s fun I promise.” Mina’s demonic like grin suggested that this game in particular was anything but fun.

“Mina, I love you, but your definition of “fun” is far different from others’.”

“He’s got a point.” Jirou said in a bored tone, “Although, I gotta admit the game is kind of fun. In a very dumb way. Unless you’re too chicken.”

“Are you trying to pull a me right now?” Ser asked, “I’ve done this enough times to Bakugou to know what you’re doing. But hell I don’t see the harm if you it’s alright...”

“SERIOUSLY?!” Mina screeched, “I’ve been your bestie since year one and you trust Jirou’s opinion over mine?!?!???”

“Mina.” Sero eyes locked onto hers, “Do me a favor and, think back to last week when you and Kaminari thought it would be fun to—

Mina put her hand over Sero’s mouth,“Ok-OK! Fair point! We don’t need to talk about that.”

Momo, Jirou, Uraraka, Tsu and Tooru all gave the two of them the most terrified glance. They sort of  wanted to know what Sero was going to say but at the same time… they didn’t want to know. So they just left it at that, and hopefully the actual event was not as insane as what they were imaging, but knowing the meme queens...

“Alright fine, whatever so like how to I play this? Is it like MKF?” Sero’s eyes widened when all of the girls groaned at the same time.

“Why the hell didn’t we just play it like that!?” Tooru yelled

Uraraka face palmed, “That would have saved so much time.”

“Because it’s not as scientific that way!” exclaimed Mina

“Oh yes, because the ancient method of Mash is much more “scientifically accurate.” Jirou said complete with air quotes as Momo chuckled beside her.

“Scientifically accurate?” Sero asked.

“It determines your soulmate DUH, same as MASH, but you know better.” said Mina.

“Right…”

“This is too silly I’m going to bed, night guys.” Tsu said going to sleep for the night. Everyone wished her a good night and Sero wanting this to be over so they could just watch the dang movie already. He again picked his favorite guilty pleasure movie—a romantic comedy—what? He’s allowed to like ‘em jeez! Half the damned reason he agreed to this was because a) he knew he wouldn’t be judged and b) he wanted someone to watch it with him and this was the perfect place! Oh well, this game can’t take that long right?

“Okay, guys seriously? Just tell me how to play.”

“You got it my Office Supply Guy!” Mina beamed as Sero shook his head, “So here is how you play. You give me a list of 10 people you like as platonically ONLY. Then you give me a list of another 10 people but this time it’s people you find hot—or well: attractive, aesthetically pleasing and/or who you would hypothetically/potentially would want to date. Then, you give me 2 sets of numbers 1-10, then a set of 6 numbers in random order from 1-10.”

Sero was trying very, very hard not to laugh, this sounded fucking ridiculous, “Oh, is that all?”

Jirou smirked as Tooru, Uraraka and Momo stifled their giggles

“You guys—just come on okay? I’ve been trying to get the guys to play this but Kirishima knows better, Bakugou would never and Kaminari doesn’t have the attention span for it.”

“Mina. I barely have the attention span for this, so what am I supposed to do again? List 10 friends or whatever? Also wait what do you mean Kirishima knows better, cuz I’m not gonna lie that is more than mildly concerning.”

“Duh, Kirishima and I went to the same middle school, remember?! We all got bored and played it there all the time.” said Mina “But to answer your other question yeah, give me 10 people you aren’t attracted to.”

“Okay easy: You, Kaminari, Bakugou, Kirishima—

“Noooo you can’t put Bakugou and Kirishima on the same list.”

“What? Why?”

“Because they’re dating! You match up people in the first set you name with the second—trust me it’ll all be clear when we start.”

“Mina, none of this is clear, you do realize that, right??” Sero said feeling like his eyes were ready to roll out of their sockets

“In Mina’s defense it does make more sense as you play.” Uraraka smirked. See that should have been the first sign that something was wrong with this game. Uraraka never smirked, and if he were being honest… it was the most terrifying thing he’d ever seen.

Sero sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, “okay fine, so leave them off?”

“Or you put one on this list and the other one on the, people you wouldn’t mind dating list.”

“Or the ‘hotties list’ as she called it when we she made me play it.” Jirou rolled her eyes.

“Right, okay so my list of friends who I do not want to date take two: You, Kaminari, Jirou—”

“Ouch, me I get but you’re putting Jirou on the platonic list?”

Sero went red, “I—I don’t mean I don’t think Jirou’s unattractive I just—Jirou and I fist bump, I feel like once you’re in the fist bump zone that means you’re buddies for life and that’s kind of it and I—”

“Mina, can you stop torturing him?” Momo asked.

“Yeah, otherwise we’ll never get to the actual game and then no movie.” Jirou yelled in Sero’s defense, “No worries Sero, I feel exactly the same way.” Jirou fist bumped him in solidarity, besides she’s ashamed to admit it but she was pretty excited to see who Sero would be matched up with in the end.

“Okay. Fiiiiiiiine. So Sero on your first list you have: me, Kaminari, Jirou and you need 7 more people.

“Seven… right, uh…Tokoyami, Tetsutetsu… um… shit this is hard!”

“Right?!” Tooru squeaked, “It’s actually really hard to list all of these people! Oh but yeah you can totally list us under the friends list.”

Sero blushed, “Well… like what if I dunno I’ve had a crush or two on some of you—from like first year.”

“Oooooh who?!”

“Uraraka and Momo…”

Momo and Uraraka blushed, “Aw Sero!” Mina squealed.

Sero, realized he should have trusted his instincts. This insidious “game” was a trap. “H-heh, so okay how many more people do you need?” look into editing

“Well, let’s see, we have you—

“What? I didn’t list myself.”

“Yeah, I listed you—MASH rules the host can add one person to each list—now shush. You have listed: You, Me, Kaminari, Jirou, Tokoyami, Tetsutetsu. Great! Four more to go!”

“Tooru, Uhhhh… Oh! Camie, Inasa, and Shinsou! Done.”

“With the first list you are, and aww I’m glad you and Shinsou are friends! I feel badly that he didn’t get moved up to the Hero class sooner.”

“Yeah me too he’s a really great guy, and wait I gotta do the same thing in the other list?”

“Yep! So if you would please list of the people you could potentially see yourself being with, and/or you find cute.”

“Aw Jeez, what is this the most complicated game known to man?” Sero said exasperated AF, “Fine. But Mina? I’m giving you this list once and only once and if you miss somebody then that’s your fault and you have to fill in the damn gap.”

“Ok, ok, I got it… go!”

“Uhhhhh, ok, Momo, Kendou, Uraraka, Iida, Shouji, Ojiro, Awase, Shindou, and um… um. N-Natsuo?”

“Natsuo… as in Todoroki’s older brother?”

“Yeah, I mean, I guess? I mean he’s pretty cute, and I’m running out of people to name.”

“He’s four years older!”

“Again, you said people I thought were cute! He’s cute it totally counts! I’m not saying I’m gonna jump his bones or anything! Anyway, that’s ten right?”

“Nope that’s nine but since you choose a slightly older Todoroki, I am putting our Todoroki.”

“Y-You can’t do that.”

“Oooooh yes I can and I am.”

“Fine, I change those last two, to um—um…”

“Nope, no take backs and you took way too long on the friends list, this is the list of hotties you are stuck with.” Mina gave a mock innocent smile

“You’re only freaking out about it because you have to deal with Todoroki being on the list.” said Jirou struggling to hold back a laugh

“And the only reason he only put Natsuo on because it’s safer option.” Momo said coyly, “ You chose him because it means you wouldn’t have to say Shouto.”

Sero went red, “What does that have to do with anything?”

“That you like him… a lot” Uraraka chirped

“I do not. I mean yeah we’re friends, just friends.”

“Mhmm… sure.” Tooru laughed

“You guuuuuys!”

“Seroooo!”

“Ugh, sure whatever you say can we just finish the stupid game? Random numbers?”

“Yep 10 random numbers 1-10 2x plus 6 random numbers 1-10” Mina clicked her pen a couple of times and Sero rolled his eyes for probably the umpteenth million time during this dumb game and spouted out numbers. What the actual fuck had he been thinking when he agreed to this shit?

“Alright! Now we can start!” Mina squealed with glee, “So here’s what’s going on, the first two number sequences you gave me? Well, they match up to names on either of the two lists. So I’m going to give you two names aaaaaand you’re going to tell me if you’d think they’d be a good couple or not.”

Sero blinked, “What?”

“Sero, you’re not a dumb guy, stop acting like it. Okay, you for example got paired up with oooooh Shouji.”

“I’m going to say this again. What?”

“So your name was first on the friends list, and when you gave me the list of 10 numbers you said the number 2 first. That effectively gave you the number 2 and on the other list, you named Shouji fifth but in the number sequence you said the number 2 fifth. Hence you getting paired with Shouji. So now I’m going to give you couples based on number matches and lol you’re going to tell me if you think they’d be a cute couple or not, and I record your answer as yes or no.”

“Okay, I suppose that makes sense… so what the fuck does D-K-F-S-T-A stand for.” Sero filled with dread the likes of which he had never felt before, When Mina answered. “Oh that, heh you’ll see.”

Sero swallowed hard, “O-Okay?”

“Great, so do you see you and Shouji together?”

Sero did not miss the fact that they were all silently laughing at his misery, he also didn’t miss that he was going to have a fun time explaining all of his answers, “Yes…”

“Oh my god I knew it.” Tooru squealed

Sero groaned, “He’s a nice guy okay?!”

“Right and kissing him during truth or dare last month has nothing to do with it?” Jirou playfully punched his arm.

“Sh-Shut up Jirou! Unless you want me to pull out some receipts on all of you.”

“Fair enough.”

“Ok, ok next, oh oh wow lol nope,” Mina laughed.

“What?”

“Me and Ojiro.”

“Oh, definitely not, Ojiro deserves better.”

“HEY!”

The room burst out in fits of giggles.

“Kaminari and Iida.”

“Huh, yeah kinda—wait actually nope, def not. They get along super well and I love both of them a lot but I feel like they’d be missing chemistry?”

“Oh same,” said Ochako.

“Right?” said Sero

Mina wanted to get to the “good” part of the game so she interrupted, “Jirou and HA! Natsuo.”

Before Jirou could even open her mouth Sero said “No. I didn’t realize it was gonna be like this, you guys were right he’s way too old.”

“Not old enough for you to have a semi crush on him.” Jirou smirked

“No, that’s Todoroki Shouto you’re thinking of.” Momo giggled

“Would you guys shut up about that? Look okay yes, I’ve stayed over at his house a couple of times and yes—”

Mina’s widened in shock “He let you stay at his house?!”

“Well uh—yeah when his dad’s not home. Listen remember during our last break? My parents got the dates all mixed up, and they were out of the country. I was just gonna stay at the UA dorms but Endeavor was on a mission in Osaka and Todoroki insisted I come home with him. Natsuo and Fuyumi are really nice, I actually owe them my weight’s worth in grocery money for sure but they wouldn’t let me pay for anything. So—why are you all looking at me like that?”

“Oh nothing” Momo smiled oh-not-so-innocently

“Absolutely Nothing.” Jirou shrugged her shoulders

“Not a thing.” Uraraka said her hand propping up her chin in mock contemplation.

“Nothing at all.” Tooru hummed

Mina didn’t care about subtlety and just plunged in, “So... you’re like sure there’s nothing going on with you and Todoroki?”

“Is this seriously what we’re going to be talking about the whole night?” Sero said desperately trying to calm himself down to rid his cheeks of the epic blush that was currently decorating his face.

“Depends, when you uh stayed over at his place… did you guys sleep in his room?”

Sero opened his mouth to offer some sort of a response but his words died before they could reach his lips. He instantly made a tight lipped smile and refused to look at any of them.

“OH MY GOD!”

“It wasn’t like that!”

“Honestly Sero, you are hopeless.” Mina shook her head, “Okay, Tooru and Kendou.”

“No, not really, you guys don’t talk enough.”

“Yeah that’s fair.” Tooru yawned in agreement, “Aw man... guys I hate to tap out early but I’m exhausted, pleeeeease you have to tell me how this ends.”

“Oh you know it girl, sweet dreams!”

They all wished Tooru good night which luckily let Sero have enough time to collect himself for the next onslaught of questions. He thought he was prepared, he thought it must be close to finishing right? He could do this… well that’s what he thought before he heard Mina cackle.

“Oh god who with who” Sero dreaded asking.

“Tokoyami and Uraraka.”

Everyone cracked up at that because well no matter who Uraraka ended up with, unless it was with Midoriya it was gonna be a no (and the boy wasn’t even listed).

“Lol nope, she has eyes for only one person on this earth.”

“Sh-Shut up!”

“Oooooh ok, I see, so it’s okay to humiliate me, but not you.”

“Well duh I’m not the one playing the game.”

“Yeah well—

“Sero stop arguing with Uraraka, the faster we get through this the faster we can—Oh My God,” Mina struggled to keep a straight face, “Shinsou and Shindou.”

Everyone cackled, and admitted to himself internally that maybe this game wasn’t that bad.

“You know what? Weirdly enough, I kinda see it. If only for the reason that Shinsou wouldn’t let that smug good looking asshole get away with shit.”

“You do realize you and Shindou kinda look alike,”  Momo offered.

“No we don’t?”

“You kinda do though,” said Jirou.

“We do not, what drugs are you all taking?”

“We aren’t on drugs, you guys do look a little alike and It’s not a bad thing.” Ochako chimed in.

“I’m aware, he’s nice looking, but I mean we don’t.”

“Sero…” Mina for the first time that night gave him a soft look.

“What?”

“We know why you’re saying that, you’re good looking!”

“I’m fine looking.”

“Sero.”

“Moving on please.”

“Ugh fine, oh! Camie and Momo!”

“Awwww, that would be kind of adorable.”

“She is pretty…” Momo sighed wistfully

“You know I could set something up, right?” said Sero

“No no! That’s okay!”

“You sure?”

“I could set you up with Todoroki,” Momo countered.

“We room next to each other so like lol if that were ever to become a thing, which it won’t. I swear I’m a big boy, I’m more than capable to do it on my own.”

“Yes, because you’re so good at telling someone you like them,” said Jirou.

“You know what Jirou? Those who live in glass houses…” He gave her a pointed look causing her to mutter some choice insult phrases Sero’s way.

“Moving on,” Mina hastily smoothed over, “Oh! Inasa and Todoroki.”

“Yeah I can see it heh,” Sero shrugged, “considering they dated for a bit this summer.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, they like had a lot of fun and like I-I dunno they kept trying to make it work and it was really hard though... because of the distance. But yeah like yeah they were a thing, I think they ended it for good but I don't know...” Sero shrugged, "I'm pretty sure Todoroki, Bakugou, and Kirishima were supposed to meet up with Inasa tonight, maybe Camie too. They might get back together, and like that would be nice..."

“Oh Sero…”

“Why are you “Oh Sero-ing” me? They make each other happy, plus it’s not like I have a stake in this.”

“Sero, it’s okay you can admit you like him, who are we going to tell?” Momo asked gently placing her hand on his back. Sero couldn’t look at her so he just responded with, “He’s my friend. How many times do I have to say that? Of course I like him, but like just as a friend. I didn’t put him on the other list you guys did, anyway...” The girls gave him a look but Sero gave them his winning smile, “who is next in this crazy game or is that it?”

“Alright…” Mina hesitated, wanting so very desperately to make sure Sero was okay. Yeah they messed with each other a lot but Sero was family to her… but the boy was stubborn as hell so she just moved forward. “Okay! Oh god! Satou and Awase!”

“LOL nope. They’d like run out of things to talk about in 5 minutes or less, so is that it?”

“No! Now, we get to the really fun part.”

“The really fun part? Oh hell, the fuck is “the fun part.””

“Yup give me 6 random numbers 1-10.”

“Mina, you totally made this game up.”

“I DID NOT! You can ask Kirishima!! I swear! We played this in middle school all the time!!!”

“What hell dimension did you guys go to middle school???”

“Oh just come on!!! You’re taking forever!”

“Because you keep talking!”

“This is ridiculous,” said Momo, “Give me the notebook Mina I’ll do it from here.”

“Oh good idea he’ll answer you without a fuss.”

“I’m not making a fuss!”

“Kinda are.”

Sero rolled his eyes and gave the random numbers to Momo, “Ok what do I need to do now?”

“Answers these honestly AND you have to explain your answer.”

“O-Okay?”

“Would you date Ojiro?”

“No, I mean he’s awesome but… it’s just… I know he has a crush on someone else and it would feel really weird if I went in there and asked him out. Like it just seems very inconsiderate and like… you know why bother asking a friend you know isn’t into you out? It will just wreck the friendship, and yeah, like who wants that, you know?”

There was a collective aw from all of the girls and Ochako reached out for Sero’s hand, “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about feelings you may or may not have for someone?”

Sero sighed, “I appreciate your attempt at ambiguity Uraraka, but um, lol yeah we’re not going there, because there are only so many times I can tell you all he’s just a friend without taping you all to the ceiling.”

“Okay would you kiss...” Momo blinked before continuing. “Oh me!”

“I would.” Sero smiled and kissed Momo on the cheek.

Momo giggled, “Aw shucks Sero.”

He snorted, “Never say that again.”

“Yeah I regretted it the instant I said it, thank you for the kiss.” She playfully shoved his shoulder with his.

“Oh anytime lol.”

“Okay would you go to First Base with Natsuo.”

Sero’s eyes bugged out of his skull, “Nooooo. DEAR GOD NO! Like you guys said he’s like 4 years older! AND I DIDN’T  REALIZE IT WAS GONNA BE LIKE THIS!!!”

“Right well, now you know for next time.”

“What makes you think I’m ever playing this stupid game ever again?”

“Because it’s ridiculous, it’s fun, and again it will determine your soulmate!" Mina said in a sing-songy tone, "Now. Would you go to second base with Awase.”

Sero went pale as a sheet, looked away and mumbled out his answer.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I said… w-well, since it’s already happened I guess I gotta say yes.” Sero rubbed the back of his neck

“I’m so sorry, what?!?!!!?” They collectively screeched

“Uh. Details. Now. When the heck did this happen?!?!?!!!” Jirou demanded

"Ugh, ok... so... remember that time we had training with 2-b last trimester? The one off campus? We had that party? Awase and I got matched up for seven minutes in heaven and like neither of us had really kissed someone with tongue before… So like yeah we um started kissing and um then… u-um well... like we progressed to um making out and it was n-nice.” Sero swallowed hard, “And OK SURE maybe we got a little carried away in the moment—but like!!! IT WAS ONLY THAT LIKE ONE TIME AND NOTHING HAPPENED WE JUST MADE OUT and had somewanderinghands BUT NOTHING BELOW THE BELT!!!”

“OH MY GOD HOW HAVE YOU NEVER TOLD US THIS BEFORE?!”

“WELL YOU WERE AT THE PARTY!!!”

“Oh my god this makes so much sense now, you looked like a rumpled mess. Did you guys ever try dating after?” Momo pressed.

“W-we might have made out a couple more times, but that was it. There was kind of no romantic feels there, as much as I wanted there to be then I could have just moved on from–”

“From?” asked Jirou.

“Nothing, no one, it doesn’t matter. Next question?”

“Would you go to Third with HA omfg Shindou.”

“Well for one, ew no. You guys said he looks like me and I can’t ever unsee that and it’s so weird to think about now. And two, he is much of an asshole as he is amazing to look at, absolutely not. Can you imagine? He’d allude it to everyone anyway. Not say it outright because you know “his image™.”

“Oh god what a nightmare yeah, besides he doesn’t deserve you.”

“Awwwwwww Mina, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“IT IS NOT I’VE SAID PLENTY OF NICE THINGS TO YOU IN THE PAST.”

“Uh-huh after you’re done torturing me that is.”

Mina gaped at him like he’d just slapped her, “RUDE.”

“Okay Sero, last one.” Momo laughed and then her eyes widened, “Oh my god. Okay just know that I did not do this on purpose. This is actually just who you got.”

“O...kay?”

“Would you go all the way with Todoroki?”

“Wh-what?”

“Would you–

Sero blinked, and interrupted, “No, I’m not answering that. There is no right answer for that. If I say no, you’re going to say I’m in denial or some bullshit.”

“You are totally in denial,” said Mina.

Sero glared, at Mina before sighing, “And if I give you my logical answer, you’re gonna make a big deal out of it and I’d rather not do this. It’s–look can we just pretend that like I said whatever you want me to say and we can move onto the movie or something?”

“But after you finish this one then we calculate your “soulmate”, with you know science.” Jirou smiled

“Right. Science. Weren’t you the one to point out how BS this concept of “MASH science” is?”

“Well yeah but this is the last one and like we don’t mean to actually bother you about this.”

“Aw yeah, come on Sero, we promise we won’t make this into a big deal. Besides it’s not fun to poke fun if you’re not actually having fun ya know?” Mina gave a very OVER enthusiastic grin, which melted Sero’s misgivings

“Oh alright.” He took in a deep breath, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Hypothetically? I would–hypothetically–b-because we’re friends and I know he wouldn’t laugh at me, or make me feel more self conscious than I already am. And that yeah, it would be awkward as hell, and sure it would be ridiculous, but it would be like nice? I don’t know, I just trust him, and I think if hypothetically we would do that… then like it would maybe even be fun? Or… I don’t know I just can’t really see even saying yes to anyone but him...” When he looked up he saw the girls’ mouths gaping, and he instantly looked away completely missing the girls’ waving and signaling for him to STOP.

“I-It like wouldn’t be weird I guess? Again, like I trust him and I-I dunno. I just think going all the way with Todoroki would feel natural instead of… terrifying ya know? And--”

Finally Mina screeched, “HI TODOROKI HOW’RE YOU DOING?!”

Everyone went completely still as Sero turned around with a breakneck speed only to see that Todoroki was not in fact out with Kirishima, Bakugou, Camie and Inasa. He was instead, standing right behind him looking pretty bewildered slapped across his face. All that could be heard next was Sero softly uttering, “o-oh fuck.”

[jamesbarnesappreciationsociety]

Just The Way You Are - Part 1

Summary: Y/N never felt comfortable in her skin. Years of bullying tore a crater into her self-esteem. After landing her dream job at Stark Industries, a certain super soldier is enamored. Will she allow herself to be happy?

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Plus size! Reader

Word Count:

Warnings: Body shaming, self-esteem issues (prompt in part two; happy ending)

A/N:  This is part one of my submission to @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan full figured writing challenge.

My prompt: #25 “You are beautiful no matter what shape you are”

Feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.

Beta: @goodnightwife

Mirroring the movie, “Mean Girls” do exist. Only difference is, those girls are now adults; merciless in their hatred towards women who don’t quite “measure” up to the expectations of what a perfect figure is supposed to be.

Men and children aren’t exempt from nastiness either. There are cases of kids driven to suicide due to incessant bullying. Their stories are extremely heartbreaking.

Throughout high school, the moniker “MIss Piggy” attached itself to Y/N; high school, “Fat Alberta;” college and beyond, every demeaning name under the sun. Of course, the stigma scarred her fragile psyche. Growing up with self esteem issues, Y/N never felt worthy or pretty enough for a relationship. “Why would anyone want a two ton female?”

The negative entities occupying space inside Y/N’s head didn’t deter her. She graduated Magna Cum Laude from Columbia University. Attending, Stark Industries “Analytical Science Division” symposium. Tony took note of her enthusiasm and drive.

A week later, Y/N received a certified letter. “Stark Industries? Oh my!

On the day of her interview, Y/N couldn’t decide what outfit to wear. “Maybe I should cut holes in a blanket and wrap it around me!!!” Huffing, she finally decided on a white blouse, black pants, and stylish red heels.

Grabbing her keys, Y/N made her way towards the future. She knew working as a chemist alongside Bruce Banner was the chance of a lifetime. No one could dim her smile. Weight be damned. Today was her day to shine.

Stopping at the security desk, Marvin Younger, security specialist handed Y/N her I.D. badge. “Wait, there must be some kind of mistake. I’m not an employee; this is an interview.” Smiling, Mr. Younger informed her,

“According to Mr. Stark, you’re the new girl working in the lab with Dr. Banner. Welcome to the Stark Industries Family!!!”

“Th-thank you so much!!!”

Catching the elevator, Y/N heard someone calling out, “Wait!!!” Pressing the “open” button, a well-built, blue eyed, brown hair man muttered,

“Thanks doll.”

Y/N stammered “Y-you’re w-welcome.”

Suddenly, Y/N realized she was talking to James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky became awestruck of her natural beauty. Even with very little makeup on, her eyes shined like diamonds. Only problem, he was tongue tied.

The door opened, Y/N waved, “Bye Bucky.” He stood there like a deer caught in headlights.

Why would James Buchanan Barnes look twice at me? Oh, I know! I’m three women in one!!!

 <><><><><><><><><><><>

Bucky took one last glance at Y/N, thinking to himself. “Damn. I’m gonna make it m’business to visit the lab more often.”

Bruce and Y/N fell into a comfortable rapport. He lauded her wit and vast knowledge of chemistry. You’d find both scientists with their noses to the grind; eyes glued to microscopes or solving complicated formulas.

Tony made an appearance. “Well, if it isn’t Larry, Moe and Curly. What’s going on?”

“If ya must know, we’re talking ‘bout the new girl.” Steve folded his newspaper.

“Oh yeah Y/N. The newest member of the Science Bros. club. Guess I’ll need to change the name. Maybe ‘The Intellectual 3.’”

Raising her eyebrow, Nat laughed. “Really? That’s the best you’re got Stark? Lame.”

“Since you’re so studious Romanoff, the floor is open for suggestions.” Tony bowed.

Clearing her throat, Y/N gazed sheepishly at the congregating super heroes.

“Um, hi.”

“Miscreants, this is Y/N Y/L/N, chemist extraordinaire.”

Steve extended his hand. “M’Steve Rogers. Please t’meetcha.”

“Hello.” Y/N’s palms were sweating.

“And these clowns are Natasha Romanoff and Sam Wilson.” Tony joked.

“Thank goodness. Another female!!!! Wanda’s on a mission with Clint and Vision. I’ll text her tonight! Welcome!”

“Please to meet you. Wow, the Avengers! You guys are the best. Sorry, I am having an out of body experience; not an easy feat.”

Nat furrowed her brow at Y/N’s comment about herself but chose to remain quiet. No one else caught it.

Mr. Cocky Wilson added is two cents, “We get it all the time.” Nat elbowed him hard in the side.

“Ow that hurt!!!!”

“I’ll bet. Well, I’d better get back to the lab. Really nice to meet you.”

<><><><><><><><><><>

Tugging on his long, brunette hair, Bucky paced back and forth.

“Stevie, what the hell have I done? She’s a beautiful dame and I wanna talk to her.”

“Pal, what did you do?” Sighing, the dejected super soldier explained to his friend how an opportunity arose for him to talk to Y/N but he chickened out.

“I dunno. Probably scared her off. Stupid!” Bucky pounds his head.

“Hey, stop before ya do some serious damage!!” Clamping his flustered friend on the shoulder,

“Listen, you’ll figure out a way to redeem yourself.”

Tony planned a welcome party of Y/N. Bucky didn’t know it yet, but the second chance he wanted wasn’t too far away!

@star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @suz-123 @pegasusdragontiger @rebelslicious@goodnightwife @stars8melanin @supersoldierslover @ek823 @crazy-little-thing-called-buck @saysay125 @redqueen1221 @sarahsassafras13 @httppartytattoos

@buckybarnesappeciationsociety is now jamesbarnesappreciationsociety