#putting in tags bc im Big Scared (gained conciousness again after waking up from sleep)
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#vent#og post#putting in tags bc im Big Scared (gained conciousness again after waking up from sleep)#i might have some internalized myspgyny (however the fuck you spell it) to work through <-justthought about me (moslty closeted transmasc)#and my best friend (cis guy) and realizing im mildly slapping a Heteronormative Power Structrue(?) on our friendship#cuz like i daydream. a LOT. like MOST OF THE TIME. about just throwing myself in Situations#(recently its mostly not been me tho)(tonight it is thiugh.) and i thought abt hanging out w my best friend#and i realized hey i often infantilize and minimize myself in almost every way and quite literally thinking im just some#tack on or second best or. fffffuckin side character.?. as the /smaller thing/ compared to him#that and added to earlier today strugglin with figuring out okay. why is she girl (in reference to a character hc of transfeminin)#then again i struggle to figure out why im transmasc. when i very much /was not a boychild/.#like. I dunno man. I have issues. plus! I am stupid . in the way of extremely fucking blind to my own shortcomings and often socially forge#or break The Big Social Rules#… the internalized mysoginy (and transphobia) might be being an avenue of my self hatred. i dunno
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