#like- yeah i know what to do but it's never perfect and always someone will get burned or pushed
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pattwtf · 2 days ago
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Well, yeah! No drama at all, but now this showed up wanna share something that's been on my mind these days...
This happened to me lately with someone... Loved their blog and I used to like and rb their content (credits in tags and all, I always try to # creators names at least...). Maybe a supportive comment here and there, but that was all.
Haven't interacted in any other way like... ever, so I really don't know what went wrong, I mean it. And I found out they blocked me trying to share one of their posts, already RB by somebody else. If not, I would have thought maybe they took some time off Tumblr or... Yeah, whatever, you feel me.
Spent a couple of days wondering why... I've never had any unpleasant situations with anyone around here... so I did give it some thought. Especially cause I felt terrible thinking that maybe I had made someone uncomfortable to that extent without knowing it at all.🥺
But then I just came to the conclussion that... It's perfectly perfect! If something didn't work for them..... It's totally fine. It just shocked me a bit, since I try really hard to spread love anytime I log in here... (which I don't do so often lately, btw... Been so sick, now I'm tired af and I need to catch up on soooo many things... I feel if I'm not around as much as I did, I'm gonna lose so many of your awesome creations, guys😭)
I still think the talent and content of that account owner are wonderful, in fact, and I feel sorry for not being able to see it anymore and not knowing if I did anything wrong so I could fix it! I promise I try my best to be as respectful, kind and supportive as much as I can and you all deserve, so whatever it was, I can say that I did not do it on purpose, nor was I consciously aware of having done it. I don't intend to get anything out of this post other than to be at peace with myself, not having had the opportunity to discuss the issue directly with this person.🙏
In case any of you ever feel bad about something I post, share, etc. just talk to me! I swear I'm friendly🥹❤️😅
Once I got it out of my system... HAPPY MONDAY! 😜🌹
Sorry for making such a big deal out of a silly thing, but it had to be the first time...!
when you click on the blog of someone who has you blocked and tumblr says “that isn’t anyone” im always like gaggggg that’s right they’re a nobody
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lani-heart · 2 days ago
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|| series masterlist || next // previously ||
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genre(s) -> smut, fluff, non-idol, hybrid au, poly au paring(s) -> yunho ( centric ) x reader warning(s) -> smut, mdni. 18+ words -> 3.5k
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abstract -> sometimes... the quietest are who are suffering the most
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yunho’s perspective
How long have I been looking at this wall?
It was boring that I was stuck in here alone with my thoughts. I missed Mingi… even if we lived poorly. We had many stories about being on the street… but it was selfish of me to reminisce. He was happier… healthier and way better than he would be with me. 
“Yunho… cheer up today! There’s an adoption fair this afternoon!” The employee said I could only offer a soft smile to cover up my emptiness. 
Maybe… I'll get adopted and get a new start.
Maybe someone will fill the whole Mingi left… and I can atone for what I did when I was a thief, especially to her.
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y/n’s perspective
“I see,” Mingi said after I finally sat down and talked to him about it. “Is it selfish to want to ask you to adopt him… but also feel sick at the thought?” he said and I smiled softly. 
“I’m leaving this decision to you, if you’re not comfortable with me adopting him I won’t” I confirmed and he nodded. “I just don’t want to feel like he’s replacing me” he muttered and I sighed. 
“He’d never replace you… look at it like this, Mingi. Yeosang and Wooyoung had the same insecurity” I said and he looked shocked.
“Wooyoung got so bad that he got into a small depressive episode cause he thought I’d abandon him… that I only adopted him because I wanted to be with San,” I said and he stayed silent… deep in thought.
“I don’t treat them differently do I?” I asked and he shaked his head. “And Yeosang thought the same thing but I'd never treat any of you differently…you’re my made family,” I said and he then hugged me in I rubbed his back hoping to comfort him. 
“Yunho had everything… he was perfect and he was never punished or anything. He would get away with everything” he muttered clearly envious. “You wouldn't be treated differently,” I said and he nodded. 
“I know… and I do really miss him,” he said with a sad smile.  “Today is an adoption fair… so this decision–” “I want Yunho back,” he said, cutting me off. 
In the end… they were a bonded pair. 
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mingi’s perspective
I felt sick… nervous, anxious… What if he didn’t want to see me again? What if he decided to take revenge and steal them all from me? But I also really missed him. I wanted him by my side again…
The adoption fair was huge… It had lots of people looking at hybrids, special needs hybrids, yellow codes, some orange codes, and of course the green codes. But there wasn’t any place to see red or purple code hybrids, not to mention the black codes. 
Everyone though always seemed to be attracted to green codes, the prejudice of other codes sometimes isn’t aggression. But instead mental health or– “Jaemin told me that’s his” she whispered to me while pointing at the kennel at the end of the hall.
“Can I… go alone first?” I asked and she gave me a sweet smile and let go of my hand. I took a deep breath as I walked to the kennel. Yunho didn’t even see or hear me… he looked lost in thought lying down on his bed that could barely even fit him. 
“What’s so interesting about the ceiling?” I said and his ears twitched as he looked at me clearly confused. “Mingi…” he said and I swear I saw his eyes start to tear up. “You look… so much better,” he said as he got closer to the glass door shielding us from each other. 
“Yeah… she treats me like them. You were right about her you know… she’s one of the good ones” I said and he chuckled. He then just looked at me with a soft smile he used to… “I missed you�� he muttered and I smiled. “I did too,” I said.
“Why are you here, Mingi?” he asked and I smiled. “No… I don’t want her to adopt me” he said and I was confused… “Mingi… I know you. You’ll get mad and not say anything… you’ll get jealous, and I want you to be–” “I won’t…” I know I was lying but I really wanted Yunho by my side again. 
Everyone back home was amazing but… Wooyoung and San were glued to each other, and so were the tigers. Yeosang was independent… I wanted someone who would be by my side again. Even if I regret this decision. 
But would I regret my decision?
“Want me to formally introduce you to the sweetest human you’ll ever meet?” I asked and he still looked at me skeptical but laughed anyway. “How is it?” he asked, now relaxing and I smiled, wanting to show him everything. Maybe even ask Seonghwa and Wooyoung to make my favorite dishes for them to make him. 
“Where do I even start? I just know you’ll love it”
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y/n’s perspective
“Mingi worries me…” I confessed to Kun. Mingi said he wanted to talk to Yunho some more so I told him I'd get the adoption papers done. “His weakness is Yunho… he seems to have a possessive part of him. He wouldn’t want to share with Yunho but I think in a way he also doesn't wanna share Yunho” he said and I agreed. “What if in the end, I can’t keep Yunho because Mingi won’t allow it?” I ask and he sighs. 
“Then I doubt Yunho will ever be adopted… or he has a really rare chance of it,” he said and I sighed. 
“There's nothing we can do but… risk it huh?” I asked and he nodded while I signed everything. I was truly worried about how everyone was gonna treat Yunho. They treated Mingi… great and honestly had the better transitions into our home but… Yunho I was really worried about and not because of everyone else but Mingi himself. 
I waited in the waiting room when I saw Renjun and Mingi. “Yunho will be out soon but Mingi isn’t allowed in the grooming nor in Doyoung-hyung’s office” he explained and I nodded as he went back to work. 
“Are you excited?” I asked and he grinned. “I finally have him back!” he said happily and I hoped… My worries were for nothing. He talked about Yunho constantly, telling everyone stories and only good things about him. While I knew he had some jealousy and envy towards the golden retriever hybrid.
None of it had aligned with his medical records. And how he was abused more than Mingi was. 
Kun confirmed it… the file as well. 
He confessed to being starved for weeks at a time and even being physically and sexually abused. While Mingi was also abused… he was starved for one week at a time, and physically abused. His heat and Yunho’s would also sync together making his previous owner lock him in a closet while– 
“Yunho!” I felt myself snap away from my thoughts and see the golden retriever hybrid who I once thought was human now in a temporary collar and clothes while Mingi hugged him. He was attached quickly… They were a bonded pair after all. 
Yunho didn’t want to look me in the eye and I didn’t push him too as Mingi just ranted and said he was gonna love their new home. Yunho only silently nodded and smiled… he was happy but looked reluctant. 
“Ohh! And every week y/n takes me out to these cafes after my session! y/n the next time we go can we bring him a lot of the pastries!” he exclaimed and I agreed happily. 
Yunho was also given therapy sessions but bi-weekly… and on Mondays… but for now I didn’t want to tell Mingi that… I didn’t want him to think Yunho was taking things from him already 
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 At the apartment, everyone gave him a warm welcome… which Mingi said they should but he already looked a little dejected. Even saying “When I first came, everyone kinda hated me since we did steal from y/n,” he said already showing him the difference… Wooyoung was the first to speak up and say they warmed up pretty quickly to him but I didn’t necessarily tell them to be careful. 
Though Yeosang and Seonghwa already seem skeptical. 
Mingi soon dragged him around to show him everywhere away from everyone… Even when Wooyoung offered, he was immediately rejected by Mingi.
“What's the wolf’s problem?” Yeosang asked and I sighed. “A long story,” I said and he hummed while taking me to his room where Seonghwa followed.
“Mingi is acting differently towards us… almost like he doesn’t want us to get close to Yunho?” Seonghwa added and I sighed. “Mingi is extremely envious of Yunho. In his file it says he has a love-hate relation with his bonded pair. Jealous that he was treated better in his eyes in their old home even saying he had more favoritism while Mingi had the hard-hitting abuse” I said and they nodded. 
“Was it not like that?” Yeosang asked and I shook my head. I handed him the file from my purse which he and Seonghwa read and they didn’t seem to read much before handing it back to me. 
“So… what happens to the two?” he asked and I shrugged. “Nothing… we have to act normal and accept Yunho cause he’s a part of our home now”
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yunho’s perspective
I wonder just how much she knew about the problem of me being here truly. Seeing Mingi already trying to isolate me from the others was… not a good sign. 
Of course, he can’t do it forever. So while I had my own room, he already said how he was jealous of that but because no one could share a room with me. 
He was mated to her… they all were, which was shocking. He clearly stated how much living here was like a dream and how much he wanted me here but deep down he was a liar. 
Eventually, Mingi would show everyone just how much he hated me. Because while I do believe I mean something to him… at least in private, to others I'm soon gonna be discarded. Mingi hates when I take things from him because he assumes I already have more than him. 
But I wanted to be selfish and enjoy my time with him… at least for the time being. I really did miss him and I could only hope he missed me like he was saying. 
I don’t deserve a lifetime with him… so I'm hoping that fate can offer me a small amount of time with him until we separate again. 
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Mingi was not doing well emotionally.
I was happy seeing that he could interact with other hybrids so easily and even y/n who really was the sweetest person I’ve ever and probably will ever meet. 
So seeing her trying to explain that I had a check-in with the hybrid specialist did not hit him well. Especially since I would be alone with her… doing something that was just like he would.
“Can I come with you?” he asked and she gave him a tight smile.
“Mingi…” she said trailing off and Yeosang scoffed. He wasn’t rude to me but he also seemed to understand what was happening actually… I think they all knew. 
“It's for his health… you want him to be okay and happy with us right?” she asked him and he stayed silent before eventually nodding. “You should start going any longer and you’ll be late,” Hongjoong said and she nodded but not before looking at Mingi who was silently looking at the ground. 
He didn’t even bother to look once as we left but I could see he was mad… his fists were clenched and his tail nervously moved. When we come back it won’t be a happy ending. 
“I’m hoping he comes around to the realization… that well, you aren’t taking anything from him,” I said and he smiled softly. “So you noticed it too? Sorry…” he apologized and it made me wonder if Yunho was gonna be harder to transition into being in a happy home. 
“It’s not your fault… don’t apologize when it's not needed I just hope you can enjoy it while being with us,” I said and he chuckled softly. “Everyone is really nice and you’re really exactly who I thought you’d be maybe even more… I hope so too that Mingi comes to the realization” he confessed and I nodded. 
The rest of the walk was… quiet and well by the time we were here I wondered if Yunho would ever open up to me.
“You okay?” I heard and saw Jaemin. “Yeah… just worried for Yunho,” I said and he sighed. “Did Kun tell you about Yunho not being up for adoption anymore?” he asked and I nodded. He looked sad but it was a part of this job…
“Yunho is such a sweet hybrid but… so susceptible to pretending everything is okay and that makes him an easy target you know that” he explained and it was true. With him being so easily obedient his masking of how he actually feels is dangerous. 
When hybrids are trained as well�� obedient servants it makes it hard for them to find homes after since either transition will be hard or they’ll find themselves in another abusive home. These hybrids are often taken to the country with other hybrids and… well are under the hands of breeders. Which treat them well but… Mingi would regret it if that happened. 
“y/n? Can we talk privately before Yunho is dismissed?” Kun came to ask and I nodded and said my goodbyes to Jaemin. “He’s finding it hard to interact with your other hybrids due to mingi, I would probably recommend separating them in the home for the time being but be careful since it might trigger Mingi. So I would recommend to talk it out with both of them” he offered and I nodded. 
I trusted Kun’s input and Mingi needed something to push him into accepting a reality check. 
I went outside after signing papers where I saw Yunho. He was currently sharing Mingi’s clothes and… well he even said he didn’t mind so I knew it came from a place of jealousy. He’d hate to see Yunho get treated better than him… 
Mingi… didn’t like the day we got Yunho a collar either but I had to sit down and tell him it's something all of them have. Something that they have uniquely for them but from the same material each other has. 
Mingi has a brownish pink collar while Yunho has a gray one with soft yellow jewels on it. The gesture alone I know made Mingi upset. 
“Are you hungry? We could pass–” “No thanks…” he rejected and I know why. Though I didn’t want to push it… “I’ll ask Wooyoung to make you something special then?” I asked and he shook his head. 
He would continue to reject anything given to him… as long as Mingi showed his insecurity. 
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yunho's perspective
I was worried about going up the elevator. Mingi exactly waiting…
“Mingi can I talk with you?” she asked and he nodded softly as she looked at me and gestured me to follow. Her other hybrids looked confused but as we made it to her room she gave us a shy smile. 
“Kun offered some advice… that the two of you should separate for a bit just to help the transition. Mingi you should let him go around the apartment alone and even with everyone else okay?” she asked and he nodded softly. 
“And please… share what you’re feeling? Bottling it up isn’t good for you” she told me and we nodded as we left her room. Mingi was angry…
“Did you go somewhere after?” he asked and I shook my head. “No, I wanted to come back to–” “I bet you did…” he muttered as he walked off but I sighed and caught up to him to grab his wrist when he suddenly jerked back and looked at me angrily. 
“Why do you steal everything from me!” he yelled at me and I knew this was gonna happen. “I went through hell with our old owner and you got off easy! You never suffered anything! You were 'Golden Boy Yunho'!” he yelled angrily and it was starting to piss me off. 
“Mingi?” I heard as I saw the panther… Mingi stayed silent, probably clearing his jealous thoughts. “Can you give us some privacy?” he asked and the panther sighed. “You do know that she isn't the type of person to replace you? She’s not a hybrid collector” he corrected and Mingi stayed silent as he left.
“They weren’t hybrid collectors either… So why? Why was I the only one punished!” he yelled again and I knew he needed to get this out of him. “I hate you… I wish we weren’t bonded so we didn't have to be stuck with each other!” he yelled and I let out a shaky sigh. 
“You know nothing about what I went through–” “Did you ever stop to think, what if I just never told you about what I went through?” I asked and he scoffed. “Like what huh?! She’d favor you always–” “If you haven't eaten for a day Mingi, I didn’t eat for two! If you were locked in a closet I was the one physically punished! You weren't the only one so stop okay!” I yelled... I am now sick of it, pretending I was okay when... just wanted to forget. 
“Don’t you ever wonder what’s happening to me when you're locked in the closet? Or how long has it been since I ate, if you were being punished? Why do you think she liked me so much huh? I did everything I could for you… and in the end, you won’t ever care! You’ve always hated me when I always tried my best!” I cried out now. 
He looked shocked but he shook his head… “Liar,” he said and I sighed and left the room. I can’t stay here if he really does hate me. I knew he’d regret having her adopt me…
I went through the fridge looking for things I could take that would last me a while. 
“Planning on running away?” I heard and I looked behind me to see them all… besides her. I was caught red-handed… “Why are you fighting so much with the overgrown wolf?” Yeosang asked and I sighed.
“He’s always hated me… ever since we were kids. He still thinks he was the only one getting punished but he would get smaller punishments from her” I explained. 
“So you took his blame most of the time?” Seonghwa asked and I nodded. “She finds every little thing to blame him and when I finally stood up for him, she said I could take his punishment. So she would starve Mingi and me but then she’d give me the choice. She'd give me one plate of food for a whole week which I'd sneak little bites but gave the rest to Mingi. Or if he was locked away in heat, she would get physical with me” I explained and I couldn’t look at any of them. 
“y/n knows… she has the records of your abuse in a file. She was hoping you and Mingi could clear things up” Hongjoong said and I shook my head. I subconsciously fiddled with the collar she gifted me.
“Mingi would never believe me… and I never corrected him. I let him hate me cause it was easier that way. I told him he’d regret me being here… so I’m sorry” I apologized and Wooyoung now got closer to me and opened the fridge. 
“If you’re gonna leave you should at least have a good meal” he muttered and I was shocked. “We’re not gonna stop you from doing anything but…we also can’t just let you go without nothing,” Seonghwa said and I noticed San was missing. 
“He isn’t gonna tell her…” Yeosang confirmed and I didn’t believe him until I saw him again. “She had some clothes for you to try on that she was planning on giving you eventually,” he said, handing me a trench coat and warmer clothes. Hongjoong also appeared with money… “This should get you around for a week,” he said and I nodded. 
“Why?” I asked confused and they shrugged. “You’re really unhappy… you can fool Mingi but everyone else can see how upset you are. Even if she can… she was planning on taking you back or finding someone to adopt you but if you're running away then there's no point” Hongjoong said and I didn’t want to cry in front of them. 
“This should be good for you, make sure to eat well” I heard as I saw Wooyoung hand me a lunch box and I couldn’t stop the tears. 
“I’m sorry I caused so much trouble” 
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@sunnyhokyu @iwishiwasrichasfuck @theginger543210 @pandolinka @ddaeing @kpopnightingale @slid3er @kekdo-520 @puppyminnnie @sparklinghwa222 @calicanbeevil @itsvxlentine @atinism @loumin908 @smally97 @rxnexxi @acetruepunk @majesticbeluga @namjooncrabs @tashizxy @itstheghostofmypast @smilefordongil @teeziny @totallynotlyntv @kyeos4ng @prodsh00ky @acescavern
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please don't be a silent reader !! reblog, comment, and like <3
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powdcr · 1 day ago
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it's you, toots
୨୧ jinx x gn!reader
୨୧ summary: jinx confesses her feelings for you; you're seeing someone
୨୧ word count: 1.1k
୨୧ tw: mentions of blood
୭ ୨♡୧ ৎ
“Do you really think that this is easy for me?”
A sentence that you never thought you’d hear in this context, especially from your close friend that stood before you: Jinx. You had been seeing someone recently. It was someone that you had met at The Last Drop. While you were waiting for Jinx to come back from her meeting with Silco, someone had approached you at the bar. They weren’t exactly what you were looking for, but they were someone to fill the void. They satisfied your urges, gave you attention, and had a pretty face. They weren’t what you really, truly wanted though—a fact that struck you straight to the bone.
“What are you talking about?” You replied, your voice wavering like the whine of a lost puppy.
You two were standing face-to-face in a back alleyway of Zaun. The distant sounds of people bustling by were easy for you to tune out. It was like going to sleep with the fan on, you didn’t pick up on its commotion. In fact, it felt quiet—pin-drop silent. Words unspoken and misconstrued filled the silence, and instead, made your head feel noisier than your surroundings.
“You know what I’m talking about.”
You swallowed hard, looking away and then back to the blue-haired girl. “Is this about-”
“The fresh meat you dragged home from the bar, toots.”
“Why do you care about who I bring home?” You spat back at her, crossing your arms.
Jinx’s mouth, held open ready to spit back venom, was now closed. She bit her lip, some of her emotions seeping out against her own wishes. She kicked a rock before throwing herself down on a crate that was leaned up against one of Zaun's many buildings. “You don’t know the kinda effect you have on people, do ya?”
Your eyes softened at her question. Taking a few steps closer to her, you dropped your arms back down to your sides. “Effect?”
Jinx looked up at you, her eyes were longing something—something that she wanted dearly. “Yeah, you’re perfect. You make people stop in their tracks when you walk by, you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, and hell, you have twice the heart that I’ve ever had. I think that’s also your weakness though, buttercup.”
Your eyebrows were furrowed. This was a lot to hear all at once. Jinx was one to flirt with you constantly, but it was so constant that you didn’t think it had any depth to it. It was one of those things that just lost its meaning after a while. However, this wasn’t how she would normally speak to you. Her expression now shown of defeat, vulnerability. Her expected manic energy was replaced with one of… innocence?
“What are you trying to say, Jinx?” You asked.
“I’m trying to say…” she sighed once more, standing up from the crate and moseying over to you. “It’s you, toots, it’s always been you. I can’t stand to see you wasting your time with some bupkis from down the block when I’m right here.”
The last words that fell off of her lips were said the most slowly and held the most power. Your heart broke at her confession. The pain that shown through her pink eyes erupted a nauseous feeling within your gut. Jinx’s eyes began to tear up as she harshly rubbed them, praying they’d stop.
“Jinx…” You murmured, “I-”
“You don’t gotta say anything, sweets. In fact, it’d be better for both of us if ya didn’t.”
Just as she finished her sentence, you closed the gap between the two of you. Tender, soft lips clashed against one another. She was sweet, full of flavor, just enough to keep you wanting more. You could feel her mania start up as she slid her tongue into your mouth hungrily. Her hands cupped your face gently in contrast to her rough kiss. Her nails trailed down your cheeks and to your neck.
“Jinx,” you said, voice breathy as you broke the kiss.
Jinx looked into your eyes. She felt as though she had did something wrong, like maybe the next words that would fall off your tongue would be something like, “I knew kissing you would be a mistake.” Blood drew as she bit down on her lip hard this time.
You kissed the blood that pooled on her bottom lip, wiping the excess away with your thumb. “I was only seeing that ‘bupkis’ because I could pretend that it was you. I’ve always wanted you. You’re all I ever think about. Don’t you know that?”
Her eyes were wide and doe-like, not a descriptor that she had received often. “Really? So… you’re not gonna leave me?”
You dropped your shoulders, releasing the tension you hadn’t realized was building. “Of course, I’m not gonna leave. I know people have left you in your life. I know that, but I’m not gonna be one of them. You’re my ride or die. I’m never gonna leave you.”
The hunger within the two of you subsided as a more sensual, emotional atmosphere set in. Jinx wrapped her arms around you. She held you tight, afraid that if she let go you’d slip away from her. You were hers. You were only hers. Subconsciously, she dug her nails into your back to keep you from prying away, even if she knew you weren’t going to go anywhere.
“I love you, Jinx.”
“I love you too,” she replied after some hesitation, nervous to admit her true feelings out loud. This time it was her to close the gap between you. Jinx kissed you with delicacy, choosing instead to be careful with you. She placed her hands flat on your chest so that she could feel your heartbeat through your shirt. It was racing—a fact that soothed her, for hers was racing equally as fast. Your hearts beat together as one, strong as a jackhammer.
Your relationship was about to change, blossom into something new and passionate. It was something that you had dreamed of for years—holding her in your arms just as you had her now. Ever since the day you met her, you knew that she was the one. She had proven to be loyal: following you everywhere, blowing people up that dared to even look at you the wrong way, comforting you on your bad days, but now you were able to prove your own loyalty to her in a different way. You would make sure that she knew that she was yours and vice versa. She was your girl, always had been after all.
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tacitusk1llwhore · 2 days ago
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What's up, y'all? This post has been wildly anticipated, and I have literally spent days on it. So let's get right into it, yeah? The Van Der Linde Gang is not a family; it is not a group of down-and-outs living outside the law for freedom (not entirely). It is, in fact, a cult, or, at the very least, most of the time operates like a cult would. To understand this we have to know exactly what a cult is, so what is the definition of a cult? A cult (as according to Google) is a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing. This is one of the many definitions. So there you are; it's a cult, case closed! Just kidding, I wouldn't make it that easy, so let's look deeper into cult mentality and how it relates to the VDL gang.
Let's look first at what some characteristics of a cult leader are, and then let's match them to Dutch as a person. Cult leaders are incredibly charismatic; they come off as personable, as these wonderful, easygoing people who accept those as they are and bring in those who have been deemed by society as undesirable. But what makes them so very charismatic? How is it so easy for them to fall into this role? Having an image of yourself rooted in grandiosity, not reality. But Dutch isn't like that! You cry, to which I say—hold on, I'm getting there. Dutch is like that; Dutch has always been like that. In the traditional cult sense, he doesn't believe himself to be god, nor does he proclaim himself supreme or anything that we typically associate with cults. What does he do then? He corrects himself; he blame-shifts, and often. One of the first hints that I got that maybe this guy isn't as cool as I thought he was was all the way in Colter. When speaking to Charles, Dutch tells him to get indoors, on account of the cold and his injured hand. This seems so sweet, something from genuine concern and care for someone under his leadership. Until he slips up in his language and says, "I—We need you strong." He starts off simply stating that he himself needs Charles strong, greatly overestimating the true need for Charles amongst the other gang members. Charles provides for the gang in the form of food, money, and little repairs. If something were to happen to Charles day-to-day, it wouldn't affect Dutch all that much. Who would it affect? Those that cannot hunt for themselves, Abigail, who can't leave camp on account of her son, those that rely on the men of the gang to provide for them. If there was a food shortage in the gang, Dutch would be just fine; he can hunt for himself. You know who probably can't? Tilly or Mary-Beth. By first and foremost stating that Dutch himself needs Charles strong before he switches to include everyone, we see the first sign of his exaggerated sense of self-importance. His use for Charles is exploitation; he can exploit his position, his lack of connection outside of the gang, to make him money. Others use it for Charles's basic necessities. It is also well known that Dutch is allergic to accountability, as we see in the phrase "You'll keep doubting me and we'll keep failing." This is said to Arthur after yet another one of Dutch's poorly executed and subsequently failed plans, through no fault of Arthur. Dutch needs a scapegoat; he cannot fathom that he himself makes poor choices, and so he narrows his perception, forcing a round peg through a square hole to frame himself as perfect. It was Abigail's fault that Hosea died; it's Arthur's doubt that makes their jobs not run smoothly; John isn't loyal anymore because of Abigail. Never once do we see Dutch take accountability, and we shouldn't expect him to, not when his sense of self is so insanely inflated.
Behaviors and body language also play into this; Dutch is very often seen standing, chest puffed, shoulders back, with a cigar in hand. He will stare off in silence, giving us this illusion that he's thinking, that he has all of these wonderful ideas running through his head so fast he simply has to take a pause to go through them all, to contemplate. Did you know that body language amongst cult leaders is typically comparable? This powerful, almost Superman-like pose is a common one amongst them; it exhibits power and confidence, combined with subtle, casual movements or actions, like smoking a cigar or rubbing the temples. This can and does give the illusion of not only intelligence but also power and empathy or deep contemplation. Dutch also dresses luxuriously; he wants to stand out against the gang as this intellectual genius. He wants to seem so much more well educated, with so much more money, so these people who are more intelligent than him but less confident or well off look at him and say, "Wow, I should follow him; he's doing well for himself; he's confident; he knows best." When in reality it's all a ruse, and body language, the set apart from the others, is another way he does this.
Now let's look at what I think is one of the most cult-like aspects of the VDL gang, and that is how they got their members. So many people say, "Oh well, how could anyone ever join a cult?" "Why not just leave?" "You'd have to be stupid to join a cult!" But the thing is, people do not purposely join cults. People are lured into cults in multiple ways: the promise of money, freedom, love, luxury, but most of all, family. You know who the prime targets for cults are? The marginalized, the poor, as well as the young, the naive, and the downtrodden. Take the analogy of the frog in water: if you slowly turn up the heat, the frog will boil alive—such can be applied to cults; no cult starts with these crazy behaviors, rules, or rituals; they condition you slowly, they put you into a position in which it is impossible to leave, and when you realize the truth, it's too late. Let's look at the stories of some of the members of the VDL gang, how they came to be. Arthur, taken off the streets after his abusive father was hanged, leaving him orphaned and destitute; John, saved from a mob trying to hang him for thieving, this, of course, after he was also orphaned and had run from an orphanage (orphanages in the 1800s were child workhouses); Tilly, who was rescued after running from her kidnappers, after killing one of them to escape. Javier, freshly in the US, running into Dutch while the pair were stealing chickens, Charles, a loner with no family who had been on his own for decades, accepted into the first group he's known that has treated him fairly. What do these stories all have in common? These people were all at their most vulnerable when they were picked up by Dutch; they all were destitute, poor, hungry, afraid, or searching for a place to belong. It's easy to indoctrinate those that have nothing waiting for them on the outside. Dutch preys on people who have nothing, because when you give people with nothing something—you buy their loyalty right with it.
These people are so very loyal to Dutch that they would die for him; they literally state it (or at least Arthur does). The framing of a family is also a common tactic; if you make these people see you as one big family, not little worker bees, you can convince them anything they do for you is doing something for their family—for the greater good, when in reality, it's for you—it's for your gain. These men are called "Dutch's Boys." This implies a fatherly role, almost infantilizing those under the leader and bolstering their importance within the dynamic. These men have killed, stolen, robbed, kidnapped, and done the worst of the worst for Dutch, under the guise of a better life for them and these people they care about, when in reality it's for Dutch and his ideas that never included them in the end. The rules themselves also point to a cultish dynamic; if you rat, or talk, or are considered a traitor in any way, you are killed. Molly was not the first to be killed for this; I doubt she was even the second. It was so bad at the end that people were sneaking away in the night; they knew truly they were never just free to leave, the thought, or fact, rather, that they would be potentially murdered in front of their fellow camp members outweighing any want or wish for goodbyes. Let this be a reminder that most of these people were so indoctrinated they watched a woman they had lived with and cared for be murdered in cold blood, then be burned rather than buried (a sign of disrespect then), and didn't say anything; they didn't try to stop it; they didn't even defend Molly. Uncle actually brought her back, knowing that she was drunk and hysterical, probably knowing what the outcome would be. We see Arthur, who was realizing the error of his ways and the error of the gang, try and stop things, and later Karen go off on Grimshaw in her drunken state, but besides looking a little shocked and then going right back to work, no one did anything or said anything. Reminder: that's not normal. Killing someone for a betrayal (that turned out to be untrue without further evidence in front of a group of people and presumably a child) with such ease and to state, "It's the rules." As an explanation, it is not a family unit; it is a cult.
I will say that just because this is a cult doesn't mean that Arthur seeing the gang as a family or those members calling themselves family is any less true. That dynamic was real for them,that love was real based upon personal relationships and at some point probably real for Dutch, but realizing that he could get away with anything because he gave these people everything turned slowly into something far more sinister. It went from taking from the rich, taking in the downtrodden to help them to, I saved you; now go do my bidding. These people saw him, saw one another as family, as friends and brothers, and he saw them as chess pieces; he states as much. Again, frog in hot water.
Is the VDL a cult? In many ways, yes—common cult tactics are used by the leader, including love bombing to the women and those who he has raised. Calling Arthur son, knowing he has no father, only when he wants something is manipulation; his interactions and the implications of the change in relationship between him and Molly also imply this. The VDL was never a true family as Dutch would have them believe or have us believe. Arthur is an unreliable narrator in that regard; that love was real, absolutely, but the unit, the scenario, wasn't. The VDL ran like a cult; Dutch was not a good person, and he knew exactly what he was doing the entire time.
That's my hot take for the day.
( @moeitsu I know you said you wanted to read my take on this so I figured id tag!)
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wuahae · 2 days ago
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hiii hehe :3 first off i'm SOO sorry it took me this long to get around to it omg i really wanted to go into this with a #Fresh mindset and also school Just started and already is pummeling me into the ground but . it's saturday Monday. and i am Here now and i just cracked open a cold one (ginger ale) and i am Ready to get into it!!!!
Here, in the dark, there is just you. 
banger first line btw its so telling... also i remember workshopping this first scene with you and i'm so glad this is what you decided on! it sets the mood perfectlyyyy it fits the perfect amount of humor (SHAKIRA WAITS FOR NO ONE!!!) and ambiance and the ENERGYYY of it is so good like Yeah this is an opening scene of a 2010s romcom! its likeee yeah even though you're in this club at fuckass o'clock the ghost of your mother and all your expectations still digs into you... you can never run away you can only face the things you must!!!! also another thing i wanna say is that its kinda crazy how short this scene is but there's so many things that it establishes like Man... That's good writing... yn who is forced to be everything she isn't and as a result she cannonballs herself into everything she Shouldn't be... just so she can have the feeling of being nothing at all.... yeah!!! oh to be young and wild and free . But what does it all mean for the future...
They stand tall in their planters, majestic and hairy with French lavender. Today you notice that the rightmost one's nose has been pruned off by accident, and he stands, snoutless, staring at his green brothers and sisters. 
picture perfect palace hosting a picture perfect family but if you look close enough you see signs of the suffocation.. the overbearing preening.... WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN!! also the part about y/n noticing the little details about the number of terracotta stones... its like Yeah it's probably bc she's been in this palace all her life but also its like. no one would pay attention to those things if some ounce of her didn't care. used to. etc.
Your father paces near the window, either wondering why you can't be softer, more pliable, like your older brother Jeonghan, or, alternatively, why one of the lions is missing a nose.
only the real ones know who jeonghan used to be... YOU WILL BE MISSED 😭😭😭😭😭
"We have arranged for you to marry someone."  And all at once, it seems as though all the air has been sucked out of the room. There's a sharp pain lodged somewhere between your chest, your stomach, and your unhappy liver. The larks sing emptily in the garden. 
the pacing is sooo good here like yeah... top 10 announcements you won't believe! also the detail of the larks is so good it places you back into the palace setting and also it makes the palace seem so like. big. empty. just a bunch of air and space.
"Why?" you ask. Your voice wobbles, treading over that childlike waver you never learned to control. "Is this to punish me?"  / She's right. She's always been right. Maybe not about the swimsuit, but you haven’t exactly been the PR princess your family needed you to be. If anything, you would think it made Jeonghan look better by comparison, but you know that your parents would prefer you to make appearances in something other than Deuxmoi’s Sunday Spotted. But the royal charade never fit you well either; it clings and sticks and bunches up at the seams like a cheap Halloween costume. 
this makes me sooo like. MY BABYYYYY.... the emphasis on like. you might be an adult but whenever you're dealing with your parents or anything royal it just feels like you're a Child all over again (childlike waver / cheap halloween costume)... i have nothing else to say that doesn't involve my own convoluted parental trauma but just know i #GetHer
You were so sore the next day, you were bed-bound–truly a punishment worse than death, if not for another reminder that everything you do ends up hurting you a little. 
OWIE.....
Past August, you don't think you ever got your brother back.
i loooove this relationship with jeonghan btw idk if i ever said this to you but its like. vulnerabilities in yn that show she isn't just being disobedient to Be disobedient and like. she cares!!!! she just copes bad and has no one around to help her... not anymore :( also this scene in general is just really good backstory without being too monologue-y which is something i am Always impressed by... Good worldbuilding. good dynamic.
Without thinking, you quickly push out the first excuse you have. "I apologize, I was—" 
also i think its so interesting how like. before you know it's jihoon at the door you default to your more proper princess "I apologize" smth that like. Fits your position more even though on the surface level you've long given up on being proper or whatever impossible thing your mother expects you to be.... yeah. Trying is still somehow ingrained in your being
"You forgot your jacket," Jihoon replies. 
unfortunately for both of us i endlessly need him. also reliable best friend jihoon meeowwww I NEEED YOOUUUUU. also yn's imposter syndrome and guilt complex is making me soooo sad....
You wish she was human for a moment so you could show her the crater-sized hole that "prince joshua google images" left in your browser history. 
THIS IS SOOOFDMLDFK me searching up Joshua Hong boyfriend on pinterest to the same effect
The mental image of Joshua Hong being struck down by the first ten seconds of Throat Goat makes you laugh, but you still don't feel far away enough from the truth.
#foreshadowing
You knew you should have done better for your brother, but he didn’t even feel like your brother anymore. 
nooo..... fuck. also me reading this knowing full well What happened that day.... rocking back and forth chanting My Shaylaa....
So you press your heart to Astrid's mane, the pale moon high over the both of you, and you ride. 
astrid who represents the last bit of your childhood and yourself and your Brother, all of which you wonder if you can even bring with you to acros, pressing your heart to her and all that she encompasses... Yeah
You choose to let it slide—you have no choice, really. At least you have an ass. 
#smallblessings
"Didn't know you had a choice."
ooohhhh he's soo.... ITS SO ARC WORDS!!! of course he would say that....
"I mean, I read an insane amount of Dan Brown," you reply. "Not many of us can say we've solved the Davinci code, you know." 
this is actually the worst im clawing at my neck rn MDSFJSDFML is there any greater humiliation than someone not laughing at your jokes...... LAUGH WITH MEEEEE oh my god.... josh being hot and boring. the 10th circle of hell.
You glance to your right to catch a glimpse of Joshua. He smiles, a dutiful press of the lips, and you watch it ripple.
heol........... the first crack in his mask. hah... tfw you're so annoying u make resident stick-in-ass regret his princely duties
He's out of words, so he bends down to awkwardly pat you on the head, which, in all your years of knowing him, is the most affection he can muster. This is why you prefer horses to Jihoon for therapy, although you appreciate the effort. 
he is SOOOOO..... I NEED HIM 😭😭😭😭😭
You still keep your pillow pet on your bed (a horse named Robert).
i tried thinking of a horse pun with robert pattinson for a joke and the best i could come up with was cobert pattinson... robert trottinson... me when rob is destined to have bat puns no matter what . but anyway i love that yn is consistently a horse girl its so cute HSDFJLSFDKM
He's got a copy of Anna Karenina under his arm, probably to weigh the pros and cons of cheating on you. You don't blame him—in fact, maybe it would make your doomed marriage exciting enough to be tolerable. 
THIS IS SOOOODSFMSDFLKJ aaron taylor johnson Where are you!!!
"Oh right, because this is where happiness goes to die, huh?" You snatch it back from him, feeling the knot of anger in your gut flare. 
Oh that's not...... 😬 well Yes actually!
You sink into your side of the bed, a damask-woven vat of quicksand, and watch the spears of light dance on the ceiling.
imagery that fucks immensely..
The prince of Acros owning a book with the words "juicy", "mewling", and "best friend's brother" in the first fifty pages are enough to tide you over for the night. Probably the next week, to be honest.
prince joshua hong caught reading ICEBREAKER?!
"Is it too bright for you?" Joshua's voice, now tempered by the stillness of the evening, pulls you out of your thoughts. "I can turn the lamp off."  / Joshua smiles, and this time, you think it's a real one. 
also one thing to mention is that i love how after the truce is settled they're quick to act like. civilly/almost kind to each other like. they're both not Bad or intentionally hard-to-stand people it's just they're both put in impossible situations . a thin line between hate and kinship and love... etc etc etc. speaking of hate u are an expert at writing e2l banter the tension is palpable
"Any minute now," bitches Jihoon from the other side of the door. 
HE IS SOOOSDFMDSFLK my favorite animal is jihoon being forced to do anything for the royal family. also you calling yourself a HARLOT is so funny. next up the list is calling yourself a reddit-approved hussy
Outside, there is a lone photographer. The sun, morning-ripe, reflects off his camera lens like a third eye. The lawn, freakishly green, sprawls out around you, and the blue spruce frames the scene, perfect by design. 
your descriptions are SOOOO good like theyre so Telling without being too wordy or needlessly purple-y like just a few sentences from you and i am #In it
You can see why people dote on him so much—his cheeks get round, and his eyes magically gain the sparkles that people pay for on Facetune. God really seems to have wasted a perfect face on him.
the thought of being fake-married to him is making me rock back and forth like actually Oh my god.... i unhinge my jaw and swallow him whole with my 8 rows of teeth.
He's just like anyone else, you tell yourself. You're at the club. They're playing Everytime We Touch by Cascada. 
CASCADA MENTION HELL YEAHHHH 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
“Shut the fuck up. Wait, is he actually coming?”  ”Dunno. Wouldn’t be very Mr. Worldwide of him to flake, though.” 
u are actually the funniest person alive. also i think its soooo like. even though you came back home to have semblance of your Old life back your thoughts inevitably drift to joshua again... trying to fit him into the familiar memory of your old life even though you know it's a little funny to imagine him with anything less than 100 year old wine in his hand... and when somi asks if she should invite him you say No even though you were clearly thinking about it . What does it all mean. the dichotomy of having a hot boring HOT fake husband... oh the terrors....
but you couldn’t let him walk away from that conversation thinking wet dirt was a normal, socially acceptable, scent for a bedroom. (—It said moss on the label! —So, dirt. —Moss is not dirt. Maybe you need to go back to school.) 
GWHMASFDLFSDK the parentheses format is so funny i'm stealing that /hj. also im soooo glad you added in this scene about seeing him half naked its so romcom-y... so shenanigans-filled.... pornhub title: HOT PRINCE WITH HUGE TITS CAUGHT NAKED!
Later, on the walk to the library, you reach for your lip gloss. Instead, you pull out q-tip number five and get mad all over again. 
like she's so funnyydfmdflk she's sooo me.
"I just have to know—how did you guys meet?" 
this entire exchange is so funny JSDFMLASDFK like i love when they're bickering and being annoying to each other i feel like they match each other so well also the little digs to each other to ruin each other's reputation... yn raccoon era. joshua stalker era.
Joshua doesn’t reply. Out of the corner of your eye, you see his gaze has shifted. You feel it land somewhere near you, but you’re too engrossed in the race to investigate further. Perhaps he’s admitted defeat preemptively, wisely so.  “You know your stuff,” he murmurs, the clamor of the audience almost burying him. 
oh man...... an ounce of sincerity is all it takes.... me when josh sees the girl underneath the Act.... starts howling.
You turn to Joshua and clasp his hands between yours, somehow less wooden now, and so, so human. The crowd cheers; they come alive. 
OOOUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHH WOLF TEARING OFF HIS SHIRT JPEG.
also next scene with josh and his damn HORSE PUNS HES SOOOO ANNOYINGJFDMLDF but also this is the first time we're really seeing him not be prickly and testy and being Lame so its like. you show me your cards ill show you mine... etc. he's just trying to make you comfortable cause you really are a Team rn... oh man. OH MAN.
You’re not asking for love—just a little bit of like. and, right now, you think you like Joshua Hong. 
rubs hands together like a little fly... all according to plan. also theyre just soooo cute oh my god...
“Do you want to keep this?” Jihoon holds up a choker that resembles a jock strap. “When did you even wear this? It looks like a cat toy.” 
NOOOOOOO
“Right,” says Joshua, and when he gets up from the bench, he doesn’t look back. 
i have a lot of things to say about this scene and All of them are good... i remember the first time you brought up Piano as a scene and i was like. Wrinkles nose. at it because of my own personal experiences with piano being used as a cheesy plot device But i told you this then and im telling you this again Now i think its so well done... the dynamic between josh and yn is so well done like. they're just starting to blindly feel around how to interact with one another now that they're not Enemies but theyre still forced-to-marry but also like. they're also starting to be friends, even if josh was being a tad insufferable After the derby. like i love that they're both fumbling around at the piano and for Once in this palace yn is leading josh on how to do something right... yn teasing him all in good nature ("buddy, left hand goes here.") and josh giving himself the leniency to be a bit of casual when no one is watching ("aw, what?" he whines. "see, i told you i was no good. give me a second.") like its all just so cute. like watching two puzzle pieces spin themselves around trying to click. Pajama joshua is better than prince joshua... but even pajama joshua is thinking of duty... duty the knife and the wound... and Of Course josh brings it up when they're having a cute moment like OF COURSE!!! rubs my temples. yn trying to change the topic again. josh opening up again about wanting to play guitar because this is Pajama Joshua who doesn't know how to read the ledger lines and makes silly puns and not Prince Joshua who looks at you with a firm press in his brow... like everyone else with a crown... Man.
“That's not really fair.” You absentmindedly play a few keys, all disjointed. “Taking guitar lessons doesn’t make you a problem child.”  “It's not about that, though,” Joshua says. He's avoiding your eyes. “It's everything, together. I couldn't just pick up a guitar and be someone else.”  [...] “Yeah, and you think I don’t think about that every day? How, maybe, if I had done something different, then we wouldn’t be here?”  You feel stung. You don’t know how to tell him that you’ve been trying to figure out the same thing your whole life. If you were a better daughter, you’d have spared everyone the trouble. Unfortunately, you’d gotten it wrong so many times, you stopped trying.
FUCK!!! like this whole exchange is such masterful character building . joshua who doesn't know How to give himself leeway and does whatever mommy and daddy tell him because if he disobeys one thing then its like a slippery slope and all of a sudden he'll let himself think he can be someone other than a prince. vs yn who doesn't see the big deal because what's one misstep when her entire life is just one purposeful fuck-up.... but it doesn't even matter!! because even if josh was rebellious and learned how to play guitar and not piano and if yn was the good little princess her parents wanted her to be they would still be here!!! both at opposite ends of the spectrum. DUTY THE KNIFE AND THE WOUND!
like the whole scene is just so push-pull... conflicting coping mechanisms... they see each other but do they really. they see but do they understand... things to consider....... anyway this is my favorite scene. i love character building.
“You ready to get stuffed?” 
GHWMAFSMLSDKVSLDFKSDVMLSDFK
“Yeah, although on second thought, maybe it’s a bad idea to bring the girl who’s gonna puke everything up anyway.” 
Just like me...
“Nope.” You pop open your compact. “I have to change, and I desperately need to locate a coffee. I will suck a fucking bean off if i need to.”  “I'm hanging up on you,” Somi whines. “It's too early for you to be gross and late.”   “As if you weren’t talking about getting stuffed.” 
THEY ARE SOOO FUNNY like somi really is the star of the show... if this was in the 2000s she'd be played by judy greer
“Don’t give me any ideas,” he replies. Under the bluebird sky of late morning, lips upturned and eyes bright, Joshua may be a sight you could get used to. Someday. “Brought you a coffee. I can’t have you sucking off a bean—the reporters would go crazy.” 
i love how his humor slowly gets more crude as the fic goes on HSDFJLSDFK like him laughing at you being the #top in the piano scene... JOSHUA HONG I KNWO WHAT YOU ARE. I KNOW THE PERSONALITY YOU'RE HIDING. also it's actually a skill to casually describe joshua in a way that is injected with so much Need but what else would i expect from husbandjoshi...
Instead, you circle each other in an unsure, clumsy dance. You can’t quite get it right. It's all the same now. The bite of a horse saddle not made for your body, the glow of your heirloom ring, now cheapened by your graceless hand, Joshua’s lonely, reaching palm as he disappears in the rearview mirror. 
aw man... i always feel so bad for her like she's always trying... all she does is try 😭😭😭 like that thing about the jeonghan play too... she tries and its not good enough and so it gets discarded anyway because what good is trying when its not good enough... better to pretend to be perfect than to try and be yourself. and whatnot. my shayla........ what a sad notion... to be perfect and lonely...
You also learn that you, paradoxically, might not know how to love Joshua Hong, but you sure do know how to kiss him. 
oh meow.............. MEEEEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.............. you don't need me to tell you how good you are at writing intimate scenes you already know.... i also don't have much to say btw you look in my brain and its like tv static and the rainbow bars bzzzzzt bzzzztttt bzzzzzzzzzt
ok. obviously i have more to say. I will see you on the next part.
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title: royally screwed [m]
pairing: joshua x f!reader
wc: 30.8k in total; part 1: 15.4k, part 2: 15.4k summary: between remembering last night’s party and pleasing your unrelenting family, you think being a princess is hard enough. then you’re thrust into an arranged marriage to royal darling joshua hong—straight-laced, infuriatingly obedient, and everything you’re not. pretending to be the perfect couple? impossible.   notes: romcom + smut (part 2), modern royalty!au in which yn is the princess of cotria/joshua the prince of acros (both fictional), enemies to lovers, arranged marriage, quarterlife crisis/coming of age, very very slow burn. lots of swearing, lots of alcohol, lots of feelings. very special thanks to @meiozis for all their help with worldbuilding and @wuahae for bearing with me through the endless drafts, scene changes, second guessing, horrible word choices, etc. you are the only reason this got done, and i love you to the moon and back <3 [read part 2 here!]
Here, in the dark, there is just you. 
The strobe lights press into your skin with all the brilliance of the sun, there's half a Modelo running down your leg, and you think you kissed the stranger behind you last week, but if you close your eyes, it's just you. No rules, no five second curtseys, no talk about the throne or whoever's ass happens to be keeping it warm at the moment. 
Here, you're nobody, and it's perfect. 
"I'm getting more champagne," Somi says, her voice careening over the music. "You sure Jihoon doesn't want any?" 
You glance back at him. He's flattened up against the back wall, holding your purse, like a raccoon caught going through the trash. This is one of the many trials he's forced to endure for your entertainment, but it's his job–not as your closest friend, but as your legally employed bodyguard. 
"No, he's on duty." 
"Right," she slurs. "Sometimes I forget you're a literal princess." 
If only it were that easy. Five drinks in and you think you can still feel your mother's vice grip on your arm and all the little white crescents of her french manicure. 
You love this song–at least, you think you do. You're too drunk to tell, but it doesn't matter. The dance floor is muggy, sardine-packed with one warm body after another, and it's heaven. The crowd moves, and you move with them. Shakira waits for no one. 
Somi must have secured another bottle of Cristal already. Soonyoung, your other partner-in-crime, hands you a flute and you take it, the glittery foam already bubbling over the lip. 
"Cheers." Out of his too-drunk mouth, it sounds like a new word altogether, but you bring your glass to his anyway. 
Tomorrow, you have a meeting with your parents. This, unlike all of your other involvements, is actually important, they said, and their voices had wound around you like a snare. 
When it gets late, Jihoon will sling your arm over his shoulders and haul you back to the palace, still tipsy and holding your stilettos to your chest like a shield. Tomorrow will come, and it's then when you'll have to try to be good. It's a useless, stupid affair, but you'll go through the motions anyway. 
But tonight, there is you and the music and the wonderful laughter of your friends, and you don't have to be anything at all. 
"Cheers," you tell Soonyoung, and you drink. 
--
There are four large topiaries in the palace garden: all lions. They stand tall in their planters, majestic and hairy with French lavender. Today you notice that the rightmost one's nose has been pruned off by accident, and he stands, snoutless, staring at his green brothers and sisters. 
You know this because this is the view from the study, and it has never changed. There is only one study in the east wing, and it is small and useless and the perfect room for your parents to sit you down and remind you that you do not, in fact, own a single thing about your own life. 
There is nothing new about this ritual. Even as a child, when you were more desperate to please, you could never be the right kind of daughter to your parents or princess to your country. Again and again, you landed yourself here, in trouble once more. 
So you stopped trying–you would find these four walls anyway, no matter what you did. Why not enjoy your Fridays instead?
By now, you’ve memorized the carvings on the armrest of the chair you’re in (a knobby column, then underneath, the whorl of a seashell). There are thirty-four terracotta stones on the way to the fountain, all spaced perfectly apart, sanded down to the millimeter. 
The scene remains unchanged. Your mother now stares down at you over the bridge of her nose, with that tight-lipped frown you've gotten so used to. Your father paces near the window, either wondering why you can't be softer, more pliable, like your older brother Jeonghan, or, alternatively, why one of the lions is missing a nose. Maybe both.
"Enjoy yourself yesterday?" your mother asks. 
"Yes," you reply, out of other answers.
"Wonderful. Then our early morning briefing with PR was good for something. You should be grateful last night's pictures won't make it out of the darkroom." 
Her voice, bitter and incisive, makes the hangover bubble up in your stomach. You and the tabloids weren't exactly on good terms, but it wasn't your fault so many people seemed to care about what you were wearing or who you were out with. 
"What did you want to meet about?" you ask, hoping to change the subject. 
You can't put your finger on it, but there's a cloying, heavy energy hanging on you. You feel as though you're on the precipice of something, although that could just be the consequences of all that Cristal ready to reintroduce themselves to your digestive system. 
Your mother clears her throat. 
"We have arranged for you to marry someone." 
And all at once, it seems as though all the air has been sucked out of the room. There's a sharp pain lodged somewhere between your chest, your stomach, and your unhappy liver. The larks sing emptily in the garden. 
"What?" Your voice sounds like it's unraveling somewhere in your throat. Quickly, frantically, you grasp at the faraway possibility that it can't possibly mean what you think it does. Marry? You can’t even remember the last time you thought of going on a second date with someone. Now you might actually throw up. 
"Prince Joshua, of the Hong family. The crown prince of–" 
"Acros. I know," you interrupt, the words jumping out of you in shock and anger. 
Of course you know who Joshua Hong is–Acros is a tiny, unremarkable country nestled into the border of your much bigger one, and Joshua their crown jewel. If you were the nation's problem, he was their darling. A bland thing to coo at when life got boring, the walking embodiment of a media training session. Smile and nod, smile and nod. He might as well be AI generated.
You wouldn't last a day with him. Not with your impatience, your opinions, or that loud mouth your parents always scold you for. Your mind swims with the mental image of the two of you on a gaudy parade float, doing that stupidly slow wave everyone seemed to insist on.
"Wonderful. So you'll pack a bag? The Hong family will be thrilled to meet you tomorrow," says your father.
"Why?" you ask. Your voice wobbles, treading over that childlike waver you never learned to control. "Is this to punish me?" 
"My dear, your brother will be ascending to the throne soon," your mother answers, looking you dead in the eyes. "It’s his face that needs to be on the front page, not you in another abomination of a swimsuit. The Hongs will keep enough of an eye on you.” 
She's right. She's always been right. Maybe not about the swimsuit, but you haven’t exactly been the PR princess your family needed you to be. If anything, you would think it made Jeonghan look better by comparison, but you know that your parents would prefer you to make appearances in something other than Deuxmoi’s Sunday Spotted. But the royal charade never fit you well either; it clings and sticks and bunches up at the seams like a cheap Halloween costume. 
"The Hongs thought their country would benefit from our money. It was an easy decision, really," your mother finishes, as if that makes you feel any less like a silly, bikini-clad pawn in a game of chess you never asked to play. 
"Does Jeonghan know?" 
"He sees its purpose,” your father says simply, like that was all that mattered. “You will too, in due time.”
He nods solemnly, which is how he closes every conversation–just another turn of the silent knife. As your parents turn to leave, their silken garbs trail behind them like ink in still water. Business as always, especially with you. 
"Your brother will be coming home from his press tour this week," your mother says on her way out. "You mustn't ruin this for him. The car leaves for Acros in the morning." 
There's a mean, barbed feeling in your heart. You don't know whether to scream or to cry, so you do what your mother taught you to do. You sit, stilled by a feeling of hopelessness, and let yourself be emptied. 
--
When you were thirteen, you learned how to ride a horse. 
Not the impractical, side-saddle way drilled into you when you were a little girl, with your skirt billowing over the fender and catching in the stirrups, but how to really ride a horse. 
It was on a night much like tonight–indigo and starless. Your brother had climbed up the marble trellis, his teenage, noodle body a perfect fit for scaling the lattice, and threw a stone at your window, just like you had seen in the movies. Jeonghan was still young, then, rebellious and unchanged by the throne. 
It was him who laced up your riding boots, hoisted you on your first horse, and pressed the reins into your palms. You remember the unforgiving hold of the leather saddle, not yet broken in. You were so sore the next day, you were bed-bound–truly a punishment worse than death, if not for another reminder that everything you do ends up hurting you a little. 
"It's great," Jeonghan had told you, breathless and haloed by the moonlight. "You can just ride. nowhere to go and no one to answer to." 
You had spent the summer this way. Every night, you learned the sound of the forest at twilight, chasing Jeonghan's mud-splattered palomino. In the mornings, breakfast consisted of rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and whispering about whatever misadventure you had found yourselves tangled in the night before. 
That was before he had come of age. Before your father gave him the Throne Talk, and before he was whisked away into endless meetings and etiquette lessons and parliaments. Your inside jokes became foul, overripe in his newly coached mouth. He even learned to play golf, and he hated golf. 
Past August, you don't think you ever got your brother back.
You slide the oaken doors of the stables open, feeling your arms squeeze underneath your riding shirt. Here, it’s always quiet after sundown.
It hasn't changed since the day you first snuck in with Jeonghan. You let the green scent of the hay fill your lungs, the sleep-stir of the horses like music to your ears. Dokyeom has left the tack room open by "accident" once more, likely to avoid catching you picking the lock with a bobby pin like he had a few months ago. 
"Hey, you," you whisper, coming to the stall of your own horse. Astrid, a bay thoroughbred, was Jeonghan's gift to you on your 18th birthday, a wistful reminder of a summer now past its prime. "No surprise here, but I had a really, really bad day." 
Astrid, oblivious, noses at your palm in search of a nonexistent sugar cube. Somehow, this brings the anxious chatter of your mind to a crescendo—would Astrid come with you to Acros? When would that happen? More importantly, when were you moving? You think of a too-warm summer morning, the ridiculous, oversized brim of one of your mother's sunhats, and a moving truck. That, and a country ready to delete you from its ranks. 
It's now, with the bridle in your fists, that you hear the wheedling groan of the stable door as it slides open. Without thinking, you quickly push out the first excuse you have. "I apologize, I was—" 
"It's me." 
Jihoon. 
You would tease him about his fear of ponies—perhaps it's because he is quite literally the same size as them—but you think hearing another person tell you off would officially push you over the edge. You don't want to be dramatic, but you don't even know if Acros even had horses. 
That, and somehow he's both the first and the last person you want to see. The guilt feels a bit heavier when you know his life is about to change too, in no small part due to your own failings.
"Jihoon, I…" you start. There’s an apology that’s been sitting on your tongue, one you haven’t quite learned to spit up yet. You don’t know who it’s for—yourself, or everyone else—but Jihoon interrupts you before you can finish your thought. 
"You forgot your jacket," Jihoon replies. 
For once, you can't read him. You wonder if he's thinking about if he'd get along with the other bodyguards, but, more likely, he's probably pitying you. You're the last person in the world that should be in an arranged marriage, and even someone who kills people for a living could tell. 
"I'll be in the foyer." 
You don't exchange any more words. Jihoon knows that there is nothing he can say that will erase what's about to happen, and like always, he is right.
After you saddle up, Astrid takes you to the forest like usual. Honestly, you've lost count of the times you've come out here to cry, usually about a boy you don’t even like, or, worse, Jeonghan declining your weekly Facetime session again. But now, you think you both know this time is very different. 
"Astrid," you groan. "Joshua looks like a Ken doll from hell. He probably pronounces tomato like tomahto and has a closet dedicated to his tweed collection. I can't marry him." 
Astrid is none the wiser. You wish she was human for a moment so you could show her the crater-sized hole that "prince joshua google images" left in your browser history. 
"Do you think he only listens to classical music? I think a Kim Petras song would kill him instantaneously." 
The mental image of Joshua Hong being struck down by the first ten seconds of Throat Goat makes you laugh, but you still don't feel far away enough from the truth.
You remember your 21st birthday, a balmy spring Friday. Jeonghan had been helping out at the local youth theater, and the opening night of their production was coincidentally the same day. Jeonghan had never been one for theater (last time, he had fallen asleep during Mamma Mia, of all musicals). You knew the press turnout was expected to be huge, but the whole thing felt like one big charade to you. 
So you had planned your big birthday bash—you only get one 21st, after all—that day. The paparazzi fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. Unsurprisingly, drunk, hot girls made for a better story than Greek theater. 
You remember the raw, stinging look Jeonghan had in his eyes the next morning. He didn't even have to say anything, but you knew. The memory carves out an abyss in your chest. You knew you should have done better for your brother, but he didn’t even feel like your brother anymore. 
Still, actions have consequences, and this was a hell of a consequence. Even out here, the inconvenient reality of it seems closer than ever. but you're out of time. The night fades fast, especially ones like these. 
So you press your heart to Astrid's mane, the pale moon high over the both of you, and you ride. 
--
Late spring is kind to Acros. 
The tulips push their bright heads out of the dirt, winking and blazing in the daylight, and the green fields stretch so far they look like water. 
You had spent the car ride with your nose pressed to the window, watching all the sun-bleached buildings zip by. You mustn't ruin this for Jeonghan. It spins around in your head like an old pair of shoes in a washing machine. 
Now you stand in the grand foyer, your parents on either side of you. Jihoon hovers behind, holding the overstuffed duffel bag you had rushed to pack this morning. 
A hushed arrival such as this was unbecoming of your family, but it was necessary. your parents had stressed that the arranged part of the deal was not meant to be public knowledge because it was bad for optics. To you, the arrangement was actually the entire deal. That, and you and optics never exactly got along. 
Waiting for Joshua and his parents gives you a moment to observe what could be your new home, although you’re still waiting for the miraculous plot twist that will save you from your fate. 
That being said: you’ve set foot in plenty of nice places, but if HGTV ran segments for castles, this would certainly be the blueprint. It’s smaller than the palace in Cotria, but you like that—it’s cozier, less cold-seeming. 
The filigreed ceilings vault dizzyingly high, and the chandelier above the muraled walls is set afire with the noontime sun. the blushing azaleas cascade from their pots, and they line the hallways with joyous pops of white and pink. breaking the spell is the distant staccato of several sets of footsteps on marble, and you straighten your back, as if by divine command. 
Three figures approach you: Joshua and his parents. Even from a distance, you can see the trained walk of royalty, their shoulders straight enough to hold water. You’ll give credit where credit is due—they look even less thrilled to meet you than you are to meet them.
Unfortunately, up close, Joshua is more handsome than the cameras would betray. He's taller than you had imagined, too. without trying, it looks like he jumped out of a shitty Disney movie, one where the prince says two words and still gets the girl. More than that, you notice how his face is like glass—unwavering, cruelly still. One wrong move, and you'd break him. 
"Your highnesses," you say, lowering your head in a pronounced curtesy. 
Joshua bows in response, like clockwork. He reaches for your hand, then brings it to his lips to kiss the back of it. 
At once, you feel your hackles jump up, even though many a man has done far nastier to you. You can’t tell what pisses you off more: a, the fact that he smells like a hotel lobby, or b, that he managed to get his mouth on you in less than five seconds. 
"I'm elated we have the privilege of welcoming your daughter into our home," Joshua's mother says. Like him, she is staggeringly elegant and even harder to read. "She's beautiful." 
Fortunately, she has picked the one compliment that your parents can agree on without lying through their teeth. You watch them laugh and titter amongst themselves, and it's now that you notice Joshua has been looking at you this whole time.
You think look is too kind of a word, though. It's something colder than that, more clinical, and you really don't like it. Your stylist had spent upwards of two hours today in front of your vanity this morning, mostly in a losing battle with a pair of fake lashes, and you wonder if one of them is crooked. That, or Joshua is similarly wondering just how he will endure a life wedded to you. 
"Joshua, please," his mother chides, and you watch him almost immediately pivot towards her, like he’s on wheels. "Where are your manners? You should show the princess around. Get to know each other a bit before press tomorrow." 
Press. Of course. Your least favorite word. You vaguely remember your parents mentioning it in the car this morning, but it must have gotten lost among all the other terrible things they'd told you. 
Your head starts to hurt. Joshua keeps smiling at you, empty, doll-like.
"Yes, I'd love that," you say, feeling like a deflating balloon. You were hoping his company will be better than watching four grown adults fall all over each other, but you're starting to doubt that. 
Joshua offers you his arm, and you take it anyway. 
"We'll be off then," he chirps before bowing once more. His freakishly shiny shoe nudges yours to remind you to do the same. Begrudgingly, you listen, watching your shellacked, angry expression in the patina of his loafers. 
Not a good start, but what did you expect?
You tamp down your irritation and let him lead you into the Great Hall. It's a shiny, golden tunnel, studded with glossy oil paintings of his parents, his grandparents, then the next set of old people before them. Their eyes stare at you, pools of hazy paint in their moon faces. You briefly imagine your painting up there, with Joshua's hand hovering meekly over your waist, unused to being more than two feet away from a woman his age.
"It's nice to finally meet you," Joshua says. "I think I've only seen you in pictures." 
He's referencing the one of many “encounters” you've had with the paparazzi, a la yesterday night. They take trashy photos, overexposed and grainy from the camera flash, with your ass most likely in the frame. 
You choose to let it slide—you have no choice, really. At least you have an ass. 
"The pleasure is mine," you reply. "I believe you were at the cricket championships a few months ago, right?" 
"Correct. Do you watch? I don't believe I saw you." 
"No, but my brother was there." Your footsteps echo against the marbled walls. "Just trying to think of your last public appearance," you offer unhelpfully, since you and he both know those are few and far between. 
"That's right. He mentioned you were busy," Joshua replies. "Glastonbury was that weekend, was it not?" 
He's right. It was, but you don't like the insinuation he's making. You weren't at Glastonbury anyway—your parents wouldn't let you attend, and Jihoon was unwilling to come up with a cover story for you. Because you would rather watch paint dry than attend another cricket game, you instead spent it with takeout and reruns of Rupaul's Drag Race. 
"Can't recall," you answer. "Doesn't matter. I'm not one for cricket, anyway."
"Didn't know you had a choice."
You watch Joshua halfheartedly gesture to the Great Hall. The seemingly mile-long dinner table is empty now, save for a gratuitously piled fruit bowl. 
Your country frequently hosts guests, but the Hongs are notoriously insular. You imagine the four of you, crammed together at one end of the table, making horrendous small talk every morning over wilted danishes and raspberry preserves. Somehow, your mood worsens even more than you thought possible.
"Can I see the library?" you ask in an attempt to pivot. 
"Of course. Do you enjoy reading?" 
"A normal amount." You pass by another set of windows and take note of the rose garden outside, verdant with the May sunshine. Astrid has a bit of a penchant for eating roses, which would definitely complicate your plan to smuggle her in. No matter—you’ve done worse. "I studied political science at university, so I got a healthy dose of it." 
"Didn't we all?" Joshua chuckles.
He pushes the door open to the library, which is just as lavish as the rest of the palace. You wonder how well-worn it is, how many spines have creases in them, how many dedications were speckled with a funny annotation or two. But judging by first impressions, you wouldn't be surprised if all the books still had their dust jacket on. 
"I mean, I read an insane amount of Dan Brown," you reply. "Not many of us can say we've solved the Davinci code, you know." 
You hoped this would crack a laugh out of him, but his grin is thinner than an eyebrow from the 2000s. Truthfully, you would compare this conversation to a death by a thousand papercuts, but somehow that feels preferable to the guillotine of discussing the terms and conditions of your rapidly impending marriage. You feel as though that would be violating some rule you aren't yet aware of, and you're unwilling to endure the patent leather consequences of another faux pas. 
"I've heard of it," says Joshua after much thought. "My parents were shuttling me between meetings and private lessons, so, unlike some, I was quite busy during university." 
You're not about to explain that you were equally as busy as him. Something tells you that he'd be too prideful to believe you anyway. 
"How difficult. Surely you were able to have some fun," you say, your voice betraying your distaste. "Or were you too good for that?" 
Too far. 
"I did what my position allowed," is Joshua's terse reply, and you know you've crossed a line. Still, it dazes you that the man standing next to you may have never done anything for himself in his life. Even Jeonghan did, before your parents really tightened the reins. 
The air buzzes with a silence sharp enough to make you bleed. You wish literally anyone else was standing next to you, but you realize there are no more horses or emergency cabs or Jihoons to rescue you from this one. 
"How about I take you to our room? I hope you'll find it comfortable." 
You glance to your right to catch a glimpse of Joshua. He smiles, a dutiful press of the lips, and you watch it ripple.
--
"Jihoon, it is so much worse than I thought." 
You sit on the plush carpeting of your bedroom floor, amongst your small disaster of things. Jihoon examines you, one eyebrow raised, as he leans against the bedroom door. 
"He's not around, right?" 
Jihoon shakes his head.
"I don't get it," you sigh. "I go out. I get drunk. I have a little fun on the weekends. I don't see how any of this makes me a bad person." 
"You know how traditional your families are." Jihoon bends down to pick up a hair bow that jumped ship from the vanity. "It's just how it is." 
"He treats me like some high school delinquent. I tried, but he has no sense of humor. No joi de vivre. I think he would actually explode if he knew I went out two days ago." 
"Give it time," Jihoon supplies unhelpfully. "I don't know French, but he can't be that bad. You just met him." 
“Yeah. Usually that’s a good thing. I’ve fucked people i know less about.” 
Jihoon shakes his head and laughs, one of those little cackly ones he reserves for your company. 
"Well, you have been with worse," he tuts. "Definitely worse." 
"Jihoon, be serious. This is the rest of my life we're talking about." 
“I know." He draws his lips into a line, likely searching for the right thing to say. "This sucks. I wouldn't be good at this either." 
"You're talking to me. I don't think there's a single royal thing I can do right."
He's out of words, so he bends down to awkwardly pat you on the head, which, in all your years of knowing him, is the most affection he can muster. This is why you prefer horses to Jihoon for therapy, although you appreciate the effort. 
"I'd stay, but they want me to go to some meeting," he says, jerking his thumb towards the door. "I'll see you tomorrow." 
So he leaves you, desolate and linen-covered. Back to square one. 
The room seems to echo with how empty it feels. The bare walls are painted champagne, a rich, indifferent color. They soar to an arched ceiling lined with baroque crown moulding. There's a large window facing the garden, framed by deep green velvet. Atop the vanity cradled to the wall, the ivy of the wrought mirror curls at the edges, as if escaping. The chandelier hangs low, fat and pear-shaped, and its crystals douse the room in gauzy lamplight.
At least the canopy bed looks comfortable. It's the one thing keeping you from calling this place a veritable jail cell, which still seems like an understatement. For once, you miss your own bedroom. Granted, it didn’t look much different on the surface. but despite all the paneling and the heavy velvet, you still like to think it had some personality. You still keep your pillow pet on your bed (a horse named Robert). The back wall is chipped from a Gossip Girl poster your mom made you take down.  
Before you’re able to get too sentimental, the unwelcome sight of your future husband steals you from your thoughts. 
"Evening," Joshua says, stepping into the room. He's so quiet, it takes you aback. "Still unpacking?" 
"Sorry." You gesture around you. "I underestimated my ability to overpack."
"You should have told the staff," he says, surveying the damage. "Do you need help?" 
"No," you insist. Somehow the prospect of him getting on the ground to sort out all of your things upsets you, even more than him touching all of your unmentionables. "No. Please. Just ignore me."
"Alright." 
Joshua seems to take no issue with that, gratefully. He takes a seat on the chaise at the foot of the bed. He's got a copy of Anna Karenina under his arm, probably to weigh the pros and cons of cheating on you. You don't blame him—in fact, maybe it would make your doomed marriage exciting enough to be tolerable. 
"PR event tomorrow," you start, folding up a nightdress. "Bet you're excited for that." 
“As excited as one can be before announcing their arranged marriage," he replies dryly. "But surely you have enough experience with the press for the both of us." 
So that’s how he wanted to play. Fine. You wouldn’t let him walk all over you a second time. 
"Well, I'd hope all those classes you took would be good for something."
"That's rich, coming from the case study on bad media training." 
"Oh, please," you snap. "At least I know how to have a good time." 
"I was having a great time before I was informed this was happening." 
"Forgive me. I had no idea you were so invested in my personal life." You huff as you heave an oversized armful of clothes to the closet. “Think TMZ has any job openings?” 
"Very funny," he retorts. Joshua holds up a skimpy black dress that's fallen from your pile, one well acquainted with the midnight grease of one too many nightclubs. "You dropped this, by the way. I don't really think the nightlife here will be quite to your taste, though." 
"Oh right, because this is where happiness goes to die, huh?" You snatch it back from him, feeling the knot of anger in your gut flare. 
The room seems to pulse with an uncomfortable silence, red-hot with unsaid words. You recognize the all too familiar way Joshua sets his jaw back, and you're transported all the way to the study in the east wing, snoutless lion, terracotta steps, and all. He’s not any different from anyone else, so you’re not sure why you expected anything else. 
You do the only thing you can do—bite your tongue. 
"Look," you finally say, gathering the wherewithal to call for a truce. "I know that we didn't ask for this." 
Joshua laughs. Actually, it's the first time you've heard it since you've met, and it would be an otherwise tolerable, even nice, sound if it wasn't directed right at you.
"Right, because who doesn't want to have to babysit someone for the rest of their life?" 
You take a hard swallow.  You've both done enough damage for tonight, although you'd love to see his expression when you call him the live-action version of Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Maybe another time. 
Instead you think of Jeonghan, stuck in his meetings and sunk into this new, starched form of himself that you find difficult to recognize. Still, he's your brother, and you'd hate to see him suffer for it. 
"Stop. I'll be good," you say. "I promise. I know there's a lot at stake for the both of us." 
You can hear Joshua's long, drawn exhale. The furrow dug between his brows flattens out, and he seems to be reminded of everything they taught you both in Conflict Resolution 101. 
"I apologize. I got out of line," he says. You watch the cogs turn on that unfortunately pretty face of his. You hope he finally reveals that he has a much better, kinder personality that he was waiting to debut, but he doesn't. Instead he picks up yet another fallen item from your stash and hands it to you (this time, a much more presentable blouse). 
"I know we don't like each other—" You hold up a hand to interrupt him from lying to you. “—but we can do our best for the cameras. Because that matters. Hate me all you want in private." 
"Okay." He gives you a defeated look, which is all you suppose you'll get out of him today. "Deal." 
That night, there are no more backhanded compliments, quips, or mean-spirited attempts at sarcasm. 
You sink into your side of the bed, a damask-woven vat of quicksand, and watch the spears of light dance on the ceiling. If you had known your last outing was the one a few days ago, maybe you would have drank a little more, stayed out later. Maybe you wouldn't have even gone home. 
Joshua has been reading on the other side of the bed, which seems like oceans apart. The metronomic turn of his pages would have put you to sleep if it wasn't for this new fear, a black, trembling one, that's now taken residence in your chest. It feels like you are further from yourself than you've ever been, and you don't know how to get back. 
"Is it too bright for you?" Joshua's voice, now tempered by the stillness of the evening, pulls you out of your thoughts. "I can turn the lamp off." 
"It's ok," you groan. "Can't really sleep. Don't worry about it." 
He doesn't say anything. Instead you hear the oiled pull of the bedside nightstand before he places something on the bed beside you.
It's a book. Specifically, one of those trashy romances that they only sell at the airport because no one would be brave enough to read them anywhere else.
"It's no Dan Brown," he says. "Hopefully still to your liking." 
You sit up against the headboard and flip through the pages. The prince of Acros owning a book with the words "juicy", "mewling", and "best friend's brother" in the first fifty pages are enough to tide you over for the night. Probably the next week, to be honest.
"Yes, indeed, your highness. Of the raunchy summer fling." 
Joshua smiles, and this time, you think it's a real one. 
--
You hate mornings. 
You thought this one would be different, probably due to the fact that you would soon be standing in front of a few too many cameras to announce your tragic fate to the entire world. Unfortunately, it's like all your other mornings—rushed, nauseous, and now with all the added anxiety of a semi-non consensual public appearance. 
"Five minutes!" you holler as best you can, a hair pin wiggling in the corner of your mouth. Rule number one of a hard launch: don't be caught looking complacent. Even if the other half of the launch would rather be with anyone other than you. 
Joshua's in the attached bathroom doing his hair. Like everything else he does, it is painfully calculated. He might be the only person in the world who takes "pea-sized" seriously as a measurement tool. 
But even as he so carefully measures his pomade, pump by pump, you don't miss the way his eyes skim over your figure as you lean over the vanity chair to apply your lipstick. Maybe it's because your ass is practically vacuum sealed into your sundress, or maybe he's just looking for another fight to pick. Either way, there's a small part of you that takes pride in this, even if just a little. 
"Ready?" Joshua asks, switching off the bathroom light. You hate to admit it, but he looks good in a sports jacket. You remind yourself that you had to literally rock-paper-scissors this morning to use the vanity mirror because you fogged the bathroom up after your shower. "It's not a pageant." 
"Shush. You are so rude. Never interrupt a girl when she's getting ready." 
In the mirror, you watch Joshua huff behind you. Then he procures a little black box from his pocket, and a crazy sort of feeling washes over you before you remind yourself to be normal. Ten-year-old you would have cried and threatened arson if she knew this is how you would eventually be proposed to, but you have no choice. 
You're sure Joshua feels the same. He was probably hoping for something classic with all the works, and instead he's got a pissed-off Jihoon and you, internationally renowned harlot. Funny how things turn out.
"Any minute now," bitches Jihoon from the other side of the door. 
You close your compact and turn around to face Joshua, who's still fumbling with the box.
"I'm sure this is not what you anticipated," he says, finally cracking it open. “But—" 
"No speech. Just put it on." You stick your left hand out, still glittery from last week’s manicure. "Not like it means much anyway." 
"Yeah."
And just like that, it is done. You feel the shock of Joshua's huge hands over yours, then the unceremonious bite of the cold band. He doesn't linger. 
You hold your newly engaged hand in front of you. The ring must have looked better in the box—on you, it seems out of place, gaudy, yet another thing you can't quite fit into. It squeezes your finger a bit, but it'll do. 
"Ready?" he asks. 
"Let's get this over with."
If romance wasn’t already dead, then it died here, today, in your prison cell bedroom. 
You have no time to lament this, as Joshua’s already half out the door. Quickly, he seems to shed his foul, argumentative inside personality and slip into a second-skin, one that is more poised, gracious, and luminous.
Today's objective is supposed to be simple: friendly, premarital pictures to accompany a written statement to the public announcing your engagement. No paparazzi, no journalists. Still, you're starting to see why your parents decided it was a good idea to stick you with this guy. 
In the foyer, your families await you. It's as if their gaze can slow time—at least four people approved your outfit, and still, the weight of their eyes on you, ever appraising, is crushing. Immediately, your mother starts rearranging the strands of hair on the top of your head and fiddling with the sleeves of your dress, like you're some sort of doll. 
"Come, come," a member of the PR team urges. "Everything is set up. We'll be quick." 
There's a frenetic, tense energy over the palace. It's clear that this marriage is a gambit no one is happy with, and today would make it very, very real. 
Outside, there is a lone photographer. The sun, morning-ripe, reflects off his camera lens like a third eye. The lawn, freakishly green, sprawls out around you, and the blue spruce frames the scene, perfect by design. 
"I just need you to stand next to each other and smile," he says. "That's all, right?" he directs this towards your PR team, about seven too many for a task like this. One of them whispers something in his ear. Your parents watch from the shaded doorstep like wax figures in a museum. 
You and Joshua stand shoulder to shoulder, yearbook photo style. 
"Bit closer," the photographer calls out, and you smush yourself against his arm, close enough that you can appreciate he's got some muscle on him. "Alright. Hold still." 
Click. You've always hated the flash, but you root yourself obediently to the concrete. Your cheeks hurt from smiling. Click. 
Your mother interrupts her conversation with a staff member—likely haggling over the minutia of the statement—and says, "Look happier," as if you're in some dystopian advertisement for a new car. 
"She's talking to you," Joshua says through the grit of his fake, pink smile. 
"Right, because you're such a peach." 
You just want to go back inside and have breakfast. 
You place a tentative hand on Joshua's bicep and turn to him, beaming like you would at a hot bartender when there are five other people waiting for a drink. 
There's a glimmer of surprise in his expression before he matches you. You can see why people dote on him so much—his cheeks get round, and his eyes magically gain the sparkles that people pay for on Facetune. God really seems to have wasted a perfect face on him. 
"Move your hand up so we can see the ring." You obey, feeling the firm cord of his arm underneath you, and you wonder where the gym is in the palace. Joshua was certainly gatekeeping it from you. "Perfect." 
You stand there, living your America's Next Top Model nightmare, before the photographer hits you with, "A kiss for the camera, yeah?" 
All the blood drains from your face. You think you actually say Huh? aloud. Joshua opts to turn to his parents to intervene, which would be funny in literally any other scenario except this one. 
"You heard him," his father replies. "Act like you're actually engaged." 
Honestly, it was a fair request. No one wanted to take any chances. Plausible rumors of an arranged marriage would backfire spectacularly. Jeonghan wouldn't see the front cover of anything ever again, and the entirety of Acros would wonder just how deep in the shitter they were that Joshua was forced to marry you. 
Your parents were already so far into the conspiracy, you overheard them talking about using unpublished paparazzi pictures and rebranding them as times you snuck off to see your unfortunate lover. Point taken. 
"Okay, okay," you laugh nervously. "Of course." 
You face Joshua, steeling yourself, and lean in. The world seems to fall away, but not how you like—it feels as though you've been sucked out of your own body and dropped into a new one that doesn't know what a kiss is or how to do it. 
He's just like anyone else, you tell yourself. You're at the club. They're playing Everytime We Touch by Cascada. 
Soon all you know is the heat of your cheeks, the shaking flat of your palm over Joshua's shoulder, and the wet pressure of what feels like a pair of lips, soft but also very unwilling. 
Click. Click. Then it's over. Everyone huddles around the camera, like animals to a watering hole. Shame, hot and heavy, seems to drape itself over you. 
"Can we get one more?" the photographer asks.
Fuck. Your stomach drops. You can't even glare at Joshua. 
"Sure thing," Joshua says easily, unaware he was the reason it went so badly in the first place. 
You take a deep breath. You imagine a good Kylie Minogue song and a tall stranger with pecs that could fit into a bra, and your eyes flutter shut. 
You decide to go for it this time. Unfortunately, you and your inept partner are on entirely opposite pages again, and you almost miss each other by a mile. When you do get it right, it's messy, two teenagers fumbling in a closet with the lights off. 
Once everyone sees this massacre, it seems they resign themselves to the same conclusion you had long ago. Someone throws a thumbs up above their head, and everyone clears out so fast, it's like nothing ever happened. 
Soon, it's just you, Joshua, and your mother with a red pen and the manuscript. Your heart is still buzzing in your chest, even though you and Joshua are now standing at a distance that makes you believe in the cheese touch again. 
"Now that wasn’t so bad," she says, before escorting the two of you back inside. Perhaps lying cushions the blow of a bad decision, but you're already in too deep. The script, the cameras, even your mother's glossy words—your life is starting to feel like a permanent movie set, and you don't know how to clock out. 
The first thing you do is take off the ring. It's starting to look more and more like costume jewelry on your untrained, bumbling hand. Even still, you can still feel its ghost on your finger, see the glare of the camera flash in the laser-cut facets. 
Worse, you watch Joshua shrug off his sport jacket, likely wondering how exactly that went so wrong, and you can feel that same sensation, still warm, right over your lips.
--
"Save me, red wine, save me." 
Home, sweet home. You're back in Cotria for the rest of the week. This morning's stint was the only thing you had on the schedule, and you told Joshua you had some business to attend to at home. 
Said business was a Niçoise salad and half a bottle of wine, but no one had to know that part. Your struggle meals were your own business, and you think you will actually disintegrate on the spot if you have to sit through another conversation about World War II with Joshua's dad. The one you had at dinner last night was plenty. 
The restaurant you’re at is a familiar haunt, but not too familiar. The ass-kissers and the groupies have gotten good at keeping their heads on a swivel, and you’re not exactly planning on another encounter with a camera. But here, the crowd is quiet enough, the food good enough, the service fast enough. It’s enough, which you’ve come to prefer. 
That's the other thing about Cotria—there’s an overabundance of everything. Department stores, parlors, dog cafes, polished bars with overpriced cocktails. It’s almost a rarity to find a place like this, quiet enough to actually talk. 
"You must be in the fucking trenches," Somi says, shaking her head. "When's the press release getting published?"
"Next week," you groan. "The good news is that they want us to go to the derby afterward."
"Okay, miss horse girl," Somi says, clinking her wine glass against yours. "You betting this year?" 
"No, I shouldn't." You shovel another forkful of leaves into your mouth. "But I really hope I get to watch it instead of pretending to like a guy the whole time." 
"I didn't see you pretending in uni," Somi says, cocking an eyebrow up at you. "And those guys are ugly. This guy isn't." 
"Okay, wait," you protest. "Ugly cute. Don't get it twisted. And they don't act like sentient wet paint. This guy sucks." 
You're reminded of the moment before you left the palace this morning. Joshua saw that same black dress that he used against you make its way into your bag, and he gave you the dirtiest stink eye you'd ever seen. 
I'm not above tattling. They were the first words he'd said to you after The Incident. 
Good thing you won't have to, you replied. He didn't even see you out because no one was standing around to clap him on the back for being a good fake fiancé. 
"Whatever." Somi picks a tomato off your plate in exchange for some of her fries. "I wouldn't mind it, is what I'm saying." 
"You slept with the bouncer to get into Annabel’s." 
"Fuck off. He was actually really good. Club entry was just a bonus," she laughs. "That reminds me—you're coming to my birthday, right? Or do you have wifely duties now?" 
"Of course I'm coming!" you insist, feeling the word duty hit like an actual bullet to your chest. "I wouldn't miss it for the world." 
"Just making sure! You know I gotta have my people around." 
You had known Somi since you were in diapers. She's the cousin twice removed of a baron, or a count, or maybe even a viscount–you never were good at keeping track of those kinds of things. Even though you had seen her at countless brunches, coronations, and garden parties, you don't think you actually became friends until you ran into her at a college party in Mykonos. She sidled up to you, smelling like strawberries and the bleachy sting of hair dye, and handed you a cucumber margarita. 
The beer here sucks, she had whisper-shouted to you, right over the shell of your ear. Wanna dance? You were inseparable ever since. 
"It's going to be huge. There are, like, 200 people on the guest list right now. Soonyoung rented a villa, There's gonna be a champagne tower, and the music won't suck. Guaranteed." 
"That sounds perfect," you sigh. "Please tell me there's gonna be a pool. I need to show off my new swimsuit." 
"Duh." Somi rolls her eyes, glittery under her extensions. "The perfect opportunity to show the world that their hottest bachelorette is a bachelorette no longer. Also, we invited Pitbull.” 
“Shut the fuck up. Wait, is he actually coming?” 
”Dunno. Wouldn’t be very Mr. Worldwide of him to flake, though.” 
Pitbull or not, you think of the heat of the strobe lights, the electric trill of the too-loud speakers. You're dancing in a dress that looks like a chunk of the moon, with the little neon ties of your bikini top peeking out the sides. There's a peach highball in your hands and no one is telling you what to do, how to do it, or that you're doing it wrong. 
Then you think of Joshua. Maybe he'd loosen up after a few drinks. Maybe he'd dance with you, put those hands to use on your hips and kiss you like he should have earlier today. Maybe he'd even be good at it. The thought makes your cheeks sting.
“Should I invite Joshua?” Somi says, wrinkling her nose at how you immediately grimace. “What if he’s actually a blast?” 
"No! No. Absolutely not." 
“What if he’s—” Then she drops her singsong voice to a whisper. “Hung? Don’t tell me you haven’t seen those pictures of him in the Galapagos.” 
Unfortunately, you have. A lurid, glassy image of your soon-to-be-husband in a sleazy pair of swim trunks comes into vision. You push past the smile, the unfair pecs, and remind yourself of that horrible, self-righteous twist of the lips that he always has. 
Yes, that’s right. That’s the Joshua you know. 
You grab the wine from her and drink it right from the bottle. 
Of course it had to be the one time you’re not late to an event that you forget you had swapped everything in all your purses around. You double check your bag—empty. 
You’re already down by half of your worldly possessions (still at home, your real home), and you probably left the other half on Joshua’s bathroom counter. Yesterday, you got derailed mid-task by Joshua lighting the grossest candle ever. You never thought you’d ever fight over candles of all things, but you couldn’t let him walk away from that conversation thinking wet dirt was a normal, socially acceptable, scent for a bedroom. (—It said moss on the label! —So, dirt. —Moss is not dirt. Maybe you need to go back to school.) 
You fling open the bathroom door, still checking the pockets of your handbag, before you collide into a big, sopping wet wall. 
“What the—?” You look up. The wall is not a wall. No, in fact, it is your fiancé, bare fucking naked. 
Your heart jumps up to your throat. It feels like you walked right into a porno, and you can hear Somi’s self-satisfied, witch cackle right in your ear. His dark hair seems to fall into his eyes just right, a nice change from how he normally gels it up, and you watch the beads of water from the shower, torturously glittery, run down his jaw, the hollow of his neck, right onto his chest. 
Men should not be allowed to have bigger boobs than you, at least, not dowdy Joshua Hong, who normally has the sex appeal of an eraser. And God forbid your eyes travel downward and confirm Somi’s sick and twisted hypothesis, past the washboard abs, the v-line, the trail down his— 
“Sorry, did you need something?” You blink again and Joshua suddenly has a towel wrapped around his waist. And he’s eyeing you like you ate a million cloves of garlic and then proceeded to spit on him. “Or are you just going to stand here and ogle me?” 
“I wasn't—no!” You start snatching things off the counter, anything really, and throwing them into your bag. “I just needed to grab stuff for my… my thing. You’re in the way.” 
“Right, because you need four q-tips and my razor to read a children’s book,” Joshua replies, plucking the offending items out of your purse. “It's almost 12:30, by the way.” 
“Shit. Fuck,” you stammer. You can’t glare at him anymore because you know where your eyes will end up and it is not on his face. “Stop distracting me. Whatever.” 
“Have fun,” is the last thing Joshua tells you before you close the bathroom door, that portal to hell, right back up. 
What you can’t do is return the image of what you saw back to where it came from, the wicked, glistening form of Joshua and his B cup tits. He looked so good, it makes you angry. 
Later, on the walk to the library, you reach for your lip gloss. Instead, you pull out q-tip number five and get mad all over again. 
The car ride to the derby feels like your own personal Saw trap, if Jigsaw wore a ridiculous hat and was actually your mother. 
Your engagement was announced to the public just a few days ago. It came with no fanfare, no warning. You were sitting on your bed, making your way through the smut Joshua called a novel, when the news app on your phone kindly notified you that you were now a taken woman. 
To some degree, the media uproar fascinated you. The idea that people with actual journalism degrees were writing headcanons about your honeymoon when you hadn’t even seen Joshua since The Bathroom Incident was surely entertaining, to say the least. But, like everything, the unsaid pressure of being a perfect princess, now part of an even more perfect couple, hangs heavy over you. 
You remind yourself this is supposed to be fun. A real couple would be pawing at each other in the backseat, perhaps pregaming with champagne or fan-casting their pick for Spirit the horse. Instead, you’re stuck rehearsing your pitch to the reporters when they inevitably ask you about how the hell this happened. You wish you could tell them you’re not quite sure either. 
Silently, you look at Joshua. Joshua looks out the window. The world rumbles under you. 
[10:15 am, race 1]
The air seizes, swirls with clay-colored dust in the morning sun. The clubhouse is already heady with the low buzz of conversation—you watch the freckled sunhats and oily toupees bob up and down in the swell of the crowd, deep in the morning’s small talk. You wonder how many of them are talking about you, given how recently the news hit. You’re used to people ignoring your media appearances, not celebrating them. 
Someone, tipping their head down to greet you, hands you a program. Joshua elects to tuck his in his back pocket. People don’t come to the derby to watch the races. Instead, it’s an excuse to gossip, day drink, and gamble, which would ordinarily be a good time for you if you weren’t overly invested in the racing circuit. 
All the way from the entrance to your seats, you were met with a tidal wave of camera flashes, all hungry for a glimpse of your first public appearance as a couple. Alongside this, a decidedly worse flurry of congratulations paired with an overly familiar touch to the shoulder or a limp handshake. Joshua is quick to respond with either a smile or some trite platitude. Your least favorite: We couldn’t be happier. Now he’s just lying for sport. 
“We should find the reporters doing interviews,” Joshua says the second his ass touches the chair, unfazed by the onslaught of perhaps a million different people. “The Sun probably wants to talk to us.” 
You’re not listening—you can’t let on that this whole ordeal is mildly terrifying for you. He has enough reasons to dislike you, and stage fright wouldn’t exactly be a good addition to the list. 
The racehorses have lined up at the track, their manes catching the daylight like holy fire. You like the one on the end. He looks like Peanut, Jeonghan’s stubborn palomino. 
Joshua says your name insistently, curdled with the annoyance that you’ve now become acquainted with, and you catch a stray camera flash from the stands. You have an audience, and the audience demands a show, even if they’re second-rate journalists like the scum from The Sun.  
“Darling,” you reply flatly. “Relax. Let's enjoy the races.” 
The horses stretch their long legs, anxious for the thunderclap of the starter’s pistol. Joshua raises a tired eyebrow before the same realization dawns on him. 
“Absolutely.” He clears his throat. “Darling.” 
You wrap a hand around his arm—somehow he makes hand-holding seem like third base—and watch his shoulders sink with a sigh, like you just popped him. 
Likewise, your highness. Likewise. 
A shot crackles through the air, and you’re off to the races. 
[12:43 pm, race 2.]
"I just have to know—how did you guys meet?" 
You know the duchess of Pemarlia to be beautiful and unashamedly nosy, and she has yet to prove you wrong on either account. 
The last time you saw her was on the beach at Lake Como last year, where she spent the entirety of your conversation asking if Jeonghan was single (and peeking into your bag to see what brand of lipstick you were wearing). Like everyone, she always seems to have a look of appraisal on her face. What makes her different is that she never really bothers to hide it; instead, she wears it like an en-vogue accessory. 
She eyes you with an intensity, sizing up your dress, your tawdry sunhat, your ring. You wonder if she’d agree that marriage didn’t look good on you, but any shorter of a dress, your mother would call you a stripper. And God forbid you leave the house hat-less. 
Now she’s no minotaur. This shouldn’t be much of a problem, save for one very small issue: you actually hadn’t planned your answer to this. You had quibbled over it briefly in the car, but you were too focused on your interview pitch to worry about minor gossip. 
"Well," Joshua starts. Through his smile, you can hear the warning edge of his voice. “It was quite ordinary.” 
"Actually," you cut him off. Not only would his version of this story be boring, it would also be horribly out-of-character for you. You did not come this far for your cover to be blown by Joshua’s lack of imagination. "Josh's parents hosted a—" 
"Brunch," Joshua finishes. Whether his teeth are gritted because he's grinning or frustrated is none of your business. “It was Easter brunch, wasn’t it, sweet pea? Four years ago?” 
The pet name makes you want to puke. Now he’s just trying to piss you off, but you know this is his attempt to play along. He's annoying, not dumb. 
"Yes, we sat across from each other.” You playfully dig your elbow into Joshua’s rock-hard side. “He was giving me the eyes the whole time.” 
You watch your hapless victim giggle, her spidery lashes wide with intrigue. Joshua is a little less pleased. 
“If you could call it that,” he replies. “I think you had chocolate on your nose.”
“Which you so kindly wiped off for me, dear.” You try to peek around the flaxen billows of the duchess’s blowout to watch the horses behind her, but to no avail. “After a morning of staring, we had to do an Easter egg hunt, planned by Joshie himself. I had no idea he loved silly little games like that.” 
“It's because people like the princess get so competitive,” Joshua says, with his laser beam grin boring into your eye sockets. “I believe I found you rummaging through the trash for eggs, like some kind of animal.” 
“Oh my goodness,” the duchess laughs. “How...charming.”  
You feel your eyebrow twitch. Only you’re allowed to ruin your own reputation, but you suppose that’s just another thing your horrible fake fiance gets to take from you. 
“Not as embarrassing as seeing Joshua leer at me from behind the corner,” you retort. “He was so enamored that when I invited him to join me, he got right down on his knees to look through the trash together.” 
“Well, did you find anything?” 
“Yes—”
“No—”
“Well—”
Fuck. Luckily, the duchess is either stupid or wildly entertained by the clown show playing out before her. Maybe both. 
“Cute,” she coos. “You must have been too smitten to notice.” 
“Absolutely,” Joshua says, as if there is a gun held to his pretty head. “Among all the garbage and the girl next to me, I suppose nothing else really mattered.” 
“If that isn’t love, what is?” she asks blithely. 
If only she knew. 
[3:45 pm, race 3]
The sun descends on the stadium, swollen and yellow with the afternoon. 
Last year, you and your friends had a betting ring set up during the racing circuit. Obviously, you had won—not too hard when your competition included Soonyoung, who only bet on horses named after food (sadly, it was not Tater Tot’s year). Somi was no better, and your brother thought every horse deserved a participation award.
This time around, things aren’t so simple. But you’d hate to say that you spent a whole day at the track and didn’t bet on a single race. Life could afford you at least one win for today. 
Again, the horses take their positions at the starting line, wound up like a line of rubber bands. The air heaves with bated breath. 
“Joshua,” you say, folding your hands in your lap as you find your target. “I'd like to propose a bet.” 
“You must be a glutton for punishment.” 
You bite back a laugh as you watch your favorite horse, the palomino, ripple in place. Fans would call her a charity case, but you know better. 
“Pick a horse. Mine is number Three, in the blue.” 
“And if mine wins? What’s in it for me?” he asks. Still, he leans forward, corded forearms on his thighs. You watch him squint as he surveys the field with renewed interest. 
“You pick,” you reply. “Choose wisely. I personally cannot wait to call in a favor from you.” 
“The chestnut one. Number Nine.” So he is competitive. “And likewise. Perhaps I'll hold it over your head until the wedding.” 
Before you can reply, you hear the starting pistol rip clean into the air. The racehorses surge forward, as if a silken ribbon through air. 
“Nine makes sense for you,” you say, eyes fixed before you. “He's flashy, the crowd favorite. Spotless pedigree.” 
“I'm picking your punishment already.” 
“I didn't say he would win.” You feel the lilt of your voice rocking upward, the tremulous beat of your heart against your ribs. “You see, Three’s had a rough season. There she is, passing Four right now.” 
“Nine is still first, though.” 
“It’s not about that,” you reply. “She does this, she starts all the way out back and then flies up. No one suspects anything—it’s like she likes proving people wrong. The first couple races of the season, she was just stretching her legs; they were small, small fry. It’s this one that matters.” 
The saddles are just blurs on the track now. To the march of the hoofbeats, Three lunges past Five, Six. The crowd roars. 
“This will be her first win. I'm counting on it. She’s come really close before.” 
Joshua doesn’t reply. Out of the corner of your eye, you see his gaze has shifted. You feel it land somewhere near you, but you’re too engrossed in the race to investigate further. Perhaps he’s admitted defeat preemptively, wisely so. 
“You know your stuff,” he murmurs, the clamor of the audience almost burying him. 
“How can I not?” Three coasts past One and Ten like she’s flying, until it’s just her and unlucky number Nine. “Oh my god. Go, go, go!” 
You and Joshua rise to your feet, as if drawn by a string, now wholly invested in the race. 
“Still beating you, you know.” 
“Not for long! Come on!” 
You watch your darling number Three, against all odds, pull past Joshua’s number Nine, burning a trail past the inevitable finish line. 
From somewhere inside you emerges a joy that you hadn’t felt since this whole ordeal started. You turn to Joshua and clasp his hands between yours, somehow less wooden now, and so, so human. The crowd cheers; they come alive. 
[4:50 pm, races 4 and 5. mainly, the reporter from the sun.] 
The smaller races take place shortly after the headliner, for better or for worse. This forces you to finally face the music—the music being a dull-eyed, greasy journalist ready to sink his teeth into the public’s new favorite topic. 
Joshua is a good sport about it, or at least, he’s good at pretending to be one. 
“It was great,” is his answer to a question you didn’t hear. You’re busy going over the parts of the script that you remember. Your media team spent the better part of the morning repeating it back to you, which was helpful until it wasn’t. You weren’t sure how to tell them you’ve actually never been good at speaking to the press, since you had spent the better half of your life doing the exact opposite. 
“And what did the princess think? It’s not often we catch you for an interview, you know.” 
The eye of the camera seems to pierce through you. You can see your shellacked figure, long and distorted, in the reflection. 
“I—um,” you swallow hard. God. Pull it together. You can already hear the lecture you’re going to get on the way home today. “Yeah, big day today.”
“She’s had to really rein in her excitement, you know,” Joshua adds, chuckling. 
Briefly, you feel his hand brush against yours. Ordinarily, you’d pass it off as a fluke, but you feel the steady, insistent warmth of his palm again, first, to the inside of your wrist, then lower still. Before you’re able to really process what’s happening, he then takes your hand in his all at once, as if to say, I’ve got this. I’ve got you. 
You figure he’s cashing in his favor early–he’d much rather leave you out to dry, let you flounder a bit so you learn to read the PR memorandums the night before. I told you so, he’d say. That’s what everyone else would say, anyway. 
“The races are sure exciting, but I'm sure you’re even more excited about your upcoming wedding.” The reporter grins at you, as if he smells your fear. His hair looks like it’s glued to the top of his shiny head. “If I'm going to be honest, you were one of the last people we’d expect to tie the knot this year. We are all dying to hear more.” 
What? You force yourself to breathe, feel the air fill your lungs, to avoid making an expression you’ll regret. 
“Well, yeah, I'm sure it looks like it all happened quickly,” you answer, feeling your tongue trip over the words. Mostly because it did, in fact, happen quickly, but you can’t let them know that. “But Josh and I feel strongly about, uh, this whole thing, and—”
“Please, don’t spare us the details.” 
Telepathically, Joshua squeezes your hand. This, you understand. He’s telling you to lean on him, and you trust that. 
“Hold your horses,” he cuts in, almost too quickly, which makes the corners of your mouth twitch upward. He was definitely looking for an opening, but you, bizarrely, don’t mind at all. He turns to you and smiles. “What's the fun without a little mystery? It's been a wild ride, but I'm loving every second of it.” 
It’s this one, the lamest and most embarrassing dad joke of them all, that gets you. 
You laugh: a real one, big, loud, and unafraid. It's here, caught in the glare of the camera flash, where you find yourself hoping, even just a little, that this wasn’t just a favor, that this was a sign you could actually survive this arrangement. 
You’re not asking for love—just a little bit of like. and, right now, you think you like Joshua Hong. 
In the evening, you find yourself in the oaken parlor nestled away in the back halls of the Acrosian palace. 
There's a piano there, gathering dust. It's a Steinway, spindly and chestnut, almost identical to the one you have at the palace in Cotria. 
You and Jihoon had been unpacking your hodgepodge of things (unsorted, since the act of sorting would have forced you to stomach the fact that you were actually moving), when he had found your old lesson books. 
You should break in that piano, he had said. Either that, or wait for your fiance to find you. He seemed ok at the derby today. 
I guess. 
What Jihoon hadn’t seen was all the photographs you had to take after your interview with The Sun, where Joshua decided to remind you that you were supposed to hate him. By that, you mean that he managed to make every single one unbearable. (A tap of the foot: Stand up straight. A careful brush of the elbow: Let’s link arms. A discerning, tactful glance at your chest: Pull up your dress. That, or he was no better than the average man.) 
You and he hadn’t talked much after that. Hopefully, he’s fled to your cold, dark dungeon of a room to read, so he can finally leave you alone.
“Remember when your parents invited all their friends over and asked you to play?” Jihoon says, perched on the loveseat while he sorts through an old jewelry box. 
“Yeah, and I literally forgot everything?” you laugh. “Freaking Jeonghan had to check on me because I locked myself in my room for 24 hours straight. And then he had the nerve to laugh at me.” 
You thumb through the fattest book of the pile. The binding is soft; the pages now yellow and fuzzed over by time. 
On page 5, Chopin's Waltz in A-flat major. three four time or whatever, you had scrawled in defiant red ink. Page 37, a thick black line through Debussy's name on Arabesque No. 1. This is because you would always laugh at it during lessons, and you wanted to save yourself the trouble. 
“Do you want to keep this?” Jihoon holds up a choker that resembles a jock strap. “When did you even wear this? It looks like a cat toy.” 
You ignore him and start to play. You were never excellent—competent would be a better word. Still, it was enough for you. Soonyoung would ask you to play during drunk karaoke, and you could still keep up with Jeonghan when he played one of his overcomplicated duets. 
Your hands remember the velvet thud of the keys, the glide of the pedal. When you turn the page, there’s a scrawled in BITCH! next to a heavily circled allegro. Piano was one of the only things that your parents forced you to do that you actually liked. The kicker was that it didn’t even do you any good. You weren’t as talented as your parents would like you to be, meaning that, to them, you weren’t talented at all. 
It’s then that your fingers slip, and you miss a chord. In your defense, you have a fresh manicure. Always blame the nails. Your mom hated when you kept them long, even more than your hardass tutor.  
“The prince is helping with the theater production this year, right?” Jihoon holds a single earring up to the light. You think you lost the other one in Ibiza last year. “You gonna help out again?” 
“Maybe.” Another wrong note. You’re losing steam trying to read all the ledger lines and your smeared, illegible writing next to them. “I don't know. He probably won’t even want me to. I'm choosing a different piece, by the way. Bored of this one.” 
The truth about your 21st birthday was that you did actually intend to spend it at the youth theater. It was your idea before it was Jeonghan’s idea, but, at the time, you both still were a package deal.
You were on piano; Jeonghan was on whatever else he pleased. He'd always been indecisive like that. At the bench, you’d hoist the little ones on your knee and regale them with the classical version of the opening song from paw patrol. Jeonghan stole prop masks from the back, mostly to hide behind the curtains and scare people, you included. You’d both stay up late, paint spackled on your palms, trying to Michelangelo a backdrop with the combined artistic talent of a TI-84. 
The production became your thing, just you and him, no cameras, no press releases, no parents. But like everything else, neither you, Jeonghan, nor anyone else was able to keep those inevitable truths apart. The set pieces were repainted in Italy, the finger-painted fields turned luminescent with varnish; the pins and needles in the costumes swapped with mother-of-pearl; and, finally, you, replaced by a classically trained pianist from Juilliard. At least he was hot. 
Everyone knows the rest of the story—the red carpet, the empty seats, and the puffy pink balloons outside the mansion in Saint Tropez. 
“Oh please,” Jihoon wheedles. “You and I both know he wanted you there.” 
“Then maybe he should have fought harder.” You flip to a random page, this one marked up in pink gel pen. You remember it bled through all the pages behind it, making it a pain to read but awfully funny during lessons. “It doesn't matter. There’s probably wedding stuff i gotta deal with.” 
Jihoon lets you play this next piece uninterrupted. It’s not that it’s a sensitive subject for you—there were plenty of other things that filled the wedge between you and your brother—but it certainly didn’t help. 
You let your fingers wander over the stubborn keys. It feels good to play, even if you’re almost unforgivably rusty. You reach for the page, when you hear Jihoon again: “You know, you’re allowed to come in, your highness.” 
Immediately, your hands freeze. Like a scolded child, you become aware of how your fingers teeter over the keys, the stumbling, awkward clacking of your nails, the one or two missed quarter notes from the last measure. 
You turn to face the door, where Joshua stands, leaning against the frame like a sleazy model from an Abercrombie catalog. He probably came from the gym. Seeing him dressed down is still very weird, mostly because you can’t decide if it’s because he looks good or if it’s because it reminds of seeing your teacher at the grocery store. 
“Anyone teach you manners?” you ask, unsure if your hackles should be raised. 
“No, I was raised in a barn, just like those horses you like so much,” he laughs. “I didn’t want to interrupt. You’re not bad, you know.” 
“Thanks.” You eye him skeptically. “Thought you were gonna comment on the nails.” 
“Do you want me to?” 
“Preferably not, but it’s not like you‘d listen to me anyway.” You look for Jihoon’s reaction, but he seems to have conveniently disappeared. “Let’s play a duet. I’m cashing in my favor.” 
“Sure,” Joshua replies. “I'm no good, though. Might be more of a punishment for you.” 
You slide over on the bench, and he sidles up next to you. He smells like Le Labo and sweat, the sting citrusy and bright, close enough to linger. 
“No good?” You pick up another fat book from the stack atop the lid: The Joy of Duets. “Me neither.” 
“You have no idea,” he chuckles. “And trust me, I tried.”  
“I’ll do top?” you announce. 
Joshua snickers, and you kick him under the bench (really, just a tap of your foot). 
You spend the next two minutes tripping over a Schubert piece. Terribly, this is endearing to you. You make somewhat of a couple—you, with your horrible form, and Joshua, now squinting at the key signature like it’ll make it easier to read.
“Buddy,” you exclaim. “Left hand goes here.” Laughing, you reposition his hand mid-chord to an octave below. You feel it tense beneath you before yielding to proper technique. 
“Aw, what?” he whines. “See, I told you I was no good. Give me a second.” 
You watch him puzzle over the next few lines, pretty brow furrowed. You conclude that Pajama Joshua is decidedly better than Prince Joshua. He’s funnier, kinder, warmer. Even his hands feel softer. 
“Also, about earlier today,” you start. The words are starting to dry up on your tongue, but you figure Pajama Joshua is an easier target than usual. “I didn't know they trained you in stand-up comedy.” 
“We laugh in this country too, you know.” When Joshua says this, he grins, bumping into your shoulder like you’d been friends for a long time. For once, it feels easy, natural. 
“Well, thanks anyway.” 
“I couldn't leave my fiancée out to dry.” The word must sound ridiculous even to him, because he laughs just the same as he did when he unloaded his ridiculous puns onto the unassuming world. “No really. We’re in this together, unfortunately. It’s my duty.” 
Duty, both the knife and the wound. You can’t say you’re surprised he’s only nice to you out of obligation. So is everyone else, and you don’t know why you thought it’d be any different, especially coming from him. It’s not like you’re wearing your ring now either; you suppose you’re just as guilty. 
“You cross over here,” you tell him, changing the topic. You slide your hand over his, and it bends to you. “Thumb under. Sorry, I couldn't help but notice.” 
“It's ok,” Joshua replies. “I only learned piano because I had to. When I stopped going to lessons, I forgot everything. Now I feel like I put this piano to shame.” 
“Really? Not to stroke your ego, but you strike me as the type to be good at everything.” 
“No,” he chuckles. “Only when I have to be. I actually wanted to learn how to play guitar.” 
“No way.” 
“Yes way. I wanted to have one of those woven guitar straps, get a little pick collection going, be able to play any song from the Beatles discography. All the cliche stuff.” 
“Well, why can’t you?” you ask. “Minus the Beatles thing. Pick better music.” 
“Back then, it never occurred to me. We all learn piano.” 
“That's silly,” you blurt out. “Who cares?” 
“That's a little rich coming from you.” 
You frown, feeling all the usual unpleasantries bubble up through your skin. 
“That's not really fair.” You absentmindedly play a few keys, all disjointed. “Taking guitar lessons doesn’t make you a problem child.” 
“It's not about that, though,” Joshua says. He's avoiding your eyes. “It's everything, together. I couldn't just pick up a guitar and be someone else.” 
“Someone else? You mean you? The real you?” 
“Yes,” Joshua presses. “That's the point. I can't just do whatever I want. Sometimes the real you is more trouble than it’s worth.” 
“Someone’s dramatic. If you do everything the same, nothing will change. Maybe getting into a little trouble isn’t such a bad thing.” 
“Forgive me,” he says, mid-chuckle. “You wouldn’t call this trouble?” 
He’s got you there. Childishly, all your pride hardens to a lump in your throat, one you’ve never learned to swallow. 
“Your family needed our help too, remember?” 
“Yeah, and you think I don’t think about that every day? How, maybe, if I had done something different, then we wouldn’t be here?” 
You feel stung. You don’t know how to tell him that you’ve been trying to figure out the same thing your whole life. If you were a better daughter, you’d have spared everyone the trouble. Unfortunately, you’d gotten it wrong so many times, you stopped trying.
What's worse is that he doesn’t even sound mad—you watch his fingertips ghost over the keys of a C-scale, rhythmically, methodically. Piano scales, this marriage, everything: just things to do on his never-ending list. 
A hesitant knock at the door interrupts any possibility of you coming up with anywhere close to the right thing to say. 
“Prince Joshua, the king and queen need to speak to you.” It’s an aide, probably sweating bullets deciding when and how they should intrude on this wonderful conversation of yours.
“Right,” says Joshua, and when he gets up from the bench, he doesn’t look back. 
“You ready to get stuffed?” 
Good fucking morning to you—Somi’s voice, fluorescent through your phone speakers, seems to be enough of an alarm clock for you. Joshua, in the doorway dual wielding a coffee cup and the morning paper, raises a tired eyebrow.
After the events of last night, you’d wondered if he would somehow disappear at nighttime in an effort to avoid his eventual fate (you). Instead, you found him on his usual side of the bed, drinking his usual mug of chamomile tea, in his usual silence. 
You've heard that couples shouldn’t go to bed angry, but no one said anything about indifferent. Then again, you and Joshua are hardly a couple. 
“Ew,” you laugh. “No. Maybe? Should I be scared?” 
“Absolutely. You’re eating your weight in food today because I need your opinion on catering.” 
Smushing your phone between your cheek and your shoulder, you watch the mirror as your wavering reflection puts on a layer of mascara. 
“For your party?” 
“Yeah, although on second thought, maybe it’s a bad idea to bring the girl who’s gonna puke everything up anyway.” 
“My IBS is none of your business. Besides, the real food critic is Jihoon,” you reply. “Sometimes I feel like that’s the only reason he still works here.” 
“You’re coming in an hour, right?” 
You check the clock. No, you are not. You’re only halfway through a full beat and if you don’t get any caffeine inside you within the hour, you will commit a crime. 
“Nope.” You pop open your compact. “I have to change, and I desperately need to locate a coffee. I will suck a fucking bean off if i need to.” 
“I'm hanging up on you,” Somi whines. “It's too early for you to be gross and late.”  
“As if you weren’t talking about getting stuffed.” 
“Whatever.” Click.
At this point, you feel like Somi’s party is both the proverbial and literal light at the end of the tunnel. No expectations, no rules, and no semi-arguments between you and your doomed fiance. 
Then you notice that Joshua’s disappeared from the room—he probably couldn’t stand listening to your end of the conversation. Briefly, you wonder where he is. Off running an errand for his dear parents, perhaps, or maybe at the gym you still haven’t discovered yet. Even from the hefty distance he keeps you at, you can still appreciate a man who looks like he’s touched a dumbbell. 
It's only when you’re halfway out the door, almost an hour later, juggling your purse and your phone and the distinct absence of a caffeinated beverage, that you find him. 
“Come to ruin my day?” you ask, maybe three-fourths joking. 
“Don’t give me any ideas,” he replies. Under the bluebird sky of late morning, lips upturned and eyes bright, Joshua may be a sight you could get used to. Someday. “Brought you a coffee. I can’t have you sucking off a bean—the reporters would go crazy.” 
Jihoon, hovering by the car, chokes on his water. 
“Oh!” The surprise knocks the sound out of you. “Thank you. Really.” 
“Gladly,” he says, and he sounds like he means it.
He holds all your stuff as you clamber into the car, before handing it back to close the door for you. You’ll admit it’s nice, but as Jihoon starts to drive, you feel a familiar twist in your chest.
“Interesting,” he remarks. “Didn’t know you were on a coffee order basis.” 
“We’re not,” you answer. You pop the lid open. It's a cappuccino, made the classic way, milk foam bubbling out the top. Not your favorite, but it’ll do. 
More than that, it’s an olive branch. Yesterday did get weird, but you’re getting the impression that it’ll always get weird. Undoubtedly, there is someone out there who’ll get Joshua. His schedules, his straight-backed obligation, the polished photo ops and the cappuccinos made to a perfect one to one to one ratio. You know this because this is the world you came from, one that should be home to you. 
Instead, you circle each other in an unsure, clumsy dance. You can’t quite get it right. It's all the same now. The bite of a horse saddle not made for your body, the glow of your heirloom ring, now cheapened by your graceless hand, Joshua’s lonely, reaching palm as he disappears in the rearview mirror. 
On your arrival home in the evening, you return with two things: a few extra kilos and an absolutely horrendous copy of the Daily Mail, courtesy of Somi, who saw it at the grocery. 
"Great showing from the couple of the year," you say, shucking your copy at Joshua. "It looks like we're in Shark Tale." 
Even from a distance, the cheap ink-spackled cover shows more than enough. LIP LOCK FLOP!, it reads, although you wouldn’t really call it a lip lock. 
It was at the derby—Quick, they’re looking at us, you had said. Then what you would call a nun’s version of a kiss: you, already halfway out the door, and him, lips hesitant and pursed, as if he was asked to smooch his withering, dusty great-grandmother. 
"I'm not even going to ask what you mean by that," Joshua answers, voice level. "It's not that bad." 
He puts his book down to pick the magazine up, holding it at a distance like the image will jump out of the page and bite him. You see his expression flicker, and that's all you need to confirm your suspicions. 
"Ok, it's a little bad." He places it on the nightstand next to him face-down. "It'll be alright. It's not like the wedding will be called off over one bad picture." 
"You know that's not the issue." You sit on your side of the bed, about a full meter away from him. You kind of want to look again just to see how bad it is, but you're sure it'll be inescapable by the morning. 
"Since when did you care what the press thought of you?" 
"Since it mattered." You stare at your lap, eyes fixed on the too-new, wiggly hem of your pajamas instead of him. You can tell he's still looking at you, though–you think those big, watery eyes have some sort of flashlights in them, and you don't like it. "It seems wrong if our mistakes take up space." 
You hear him make a small noise of agreement. Joshua still won't admit that you're right, but you suppose you like that a little. At least he'll be stubborn about something, even if it's about clearly not liking you. 
"What do you suggest?" he asks, putting his book down. “We didn't choose each other, so I'm not surprised there's no attraction." 
"Ouch." He's right, but you'd rather be the one saying it. "I'm a good kisser. You aren't." 
"I'm just not good at kissing you," he retorts. 
"Evidently." You shimmy towards his side of the bed, where the sheets are cooler under your thighs, the pillows still neatly arranged on the headboard. "What I'm saying is that we should at least try to look more realistic. Like–" 
"Are you saying we should practice?" Joshua looks at you over the frames of his glasses, incredulous. 
"Yeah," you say, now too far in it to back out. "Like exposure therapy. For unwilling couples." 
The room gets quiet, as if it wasn't unbearably so before. You watch Joshua pick up his book again. He puts the bookmark in, two-thirds from the spine of the book so as to not ruin the binding, and places it over the doomed tabloid. 
"Okay." To your surprise, he turns to face you. The lamplight catches the lens of his glasses and makes his eyes look warmer than they truly are. "How should we do this?" 
The way Joshua's gaze settles on you makes you feel like you're being evaluated. An exam in Kissing 101, except the test would rather not have anything to do with you at all. For the first time in your life, you let your eyes wander to his lips, rosy and full, and you feel the pit of anxiety in your belly grow wider. Somehow he's managed to take all the fun out of one of your favorite activities, but you'll be damned if he walks away from this thinking it's you who's the problem. 
"Just...let me lead," you say quietly, now leaning closer to him. You have to ease yourself into it. You let your body respond, feel the skip of your heart, a heady flush wash over your cheeks. He smells like spearmint and clover. 
You've kissed a lot of people. None of this should feel new to you. His eyelashes skim against your cheek, and you can hear the breath he takes, quivering, gentle.
Despite all this, the first kiss is no better than any of the other ones. his lips meet yours, hesitant before they start moving. He's shy, and it would almost endear him to you if he wasn't so annoying. But then the charade is over. His nose clocks yours and it startles you both enough to draw away, ever so slightly. 
"Not my fault," you murmur. You're so close, you can see your reflection in his pupils, glassy and dark. 
"Thought this was practice," responds Joshua, unfazed. 
So you lean in again, giving it another go. Two is better—sweet and succinct. a first date type of kiss. You can taste the berry of your lip balm on him. 
Then again, except this time it's him who goes in, chases your lips. 
The scary thing is that you thought this would be much harder. You had stood in the bathroom, looked yourself in the mirror, and psyched yourself up to do the impossible. 
But the moment you meet him, now so close there's no room to breathe, you feel an impenetrable, unshakable desire crawling up your bones. Your palm finds the flat of his chest. Even under the silk of his ridiculous pajama top, you feel the heat of his skin, the restless quick of his heartbeat, and your stomach flips. 
Four, five. You're losing count. Joshua's hand trails up your arm to cup your cheek, and you'd be lying if you said you didn't feel your breath catch in your chest. 
He's warm, so warm. When your other hand finds the back of his neck, he makes a small sound in his throat and you like it.
It's at this point you realize there is no point in pretending. Maybe you don't want to kiss Joshua at any other moment during any other day, but you do now. You really do. 
When your tongue meets the seam of his lips, it feels all too natural. At first, predictably, he buffers a bit. For a split second, you envision him pulling away and saying you've gotten more than a lifetime's worth of practice in. 
But he doesn't. Instead, an arm winds around your waist and that's all it takes for your body to stop listening to you altogether. Lips still connected, you lift yourself to straddle his lap, right over the folded up covers, and his hands, devastatingly strong, find your hips to keep you rooted there. 
You're starting to think he isn't such a bad kisser after all—maybe he really was holding out on you, but there's something weirdly rewarding about him waiting until he liked you just a little more. Whatever that means. 
You learn that his hair is soft, really soft, at the base of his neck. You learn that he likes when you bite his lips and you learn that his spearmint mouthwash does, in fact, taste as good as it smells. 
You also learn that you, paradoxically, might not know how to love Joshua Hong, but you sure do know how to kiss him. 
--end of part 1--
[part 2 -> ]
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percivaljacksons · 24 hours ago
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those little town blues (pt 1)
the modern percabeth ghost whisperer au. girl, at this point you have to trust me. first 5k or so as i edit the big mama doc for ao3. sorry not sorry to tease! i'd give this section a t rating
“For someone who just moved here, you really know your way around,” Piper says. “I absolutely thought you were taking us to the wrong platform.” 
Two descending notes play through the speaker above their heads. The Q train’s doors slide closed. The breaks release in a puffy exhale and the car lurches as they begin to move out of the Canal St station. 
Annabeth shrugs. “I like research,” she says. “Figured if I was going to do the whole ‘move to New York as a broke twenty-something,’ I might as well be prepared for it.”
“What a load of baloney,” Percy says from somewhere behind her. “You were walking right for the Downtown platform, too. You could say ‘thank you,’ by the way.”
Piper doesn’t react—of course she doesn’t. She just tells Annabeth with a sheepish smile, “more than I did. God, this is so embarrassing, but I really did Uber everywhere for my first few weeks.”
“Asshole,” Percy cuts in again. “I can’t stand people who do that.”
Annabeth kicks one foot back as subtly as possible. She doesn’t feel it connect with his shin, but he does quiet down.
“You’re getting the hang of it,” Annabeth reassures her. “Silena said you moved here—what, two months before me?”
“Something like that.”
“Plus, I did a lot of exploring in the past few weeks and got turned around a lot of times. You’re seeing a well made facade.”
“Is that how you found that Wo Hop?” Piper asks. “God, I can’t get over that tofu. And it was in some random basement!”
While Piper waxes poetic about their lunch, Annabeth’s eyes slide to the left. It’s not an overly crowded subway car. There’s a couple pouring over the map on the wall, a short man reading a book in the seat parallel to the window, and around a dozen solo commuters buried in phones or listening to music. 
But to Annabeth’s left, leaning against the door, is a man with short cropped hair and an angular jaw. His button up shirt is untucked, wrinkled, and saturated with blood. She has to breathe through her mouth because she can smell it wafting off of him. From the corner of her eye, she can spot the elderly woman trying to read over the shoulder of the man by the window, ranting a rant he can’t hear. And, of course, right behind her is Percy, dripping wet. 
“I really hope you’re not about to take credit for finding Wo Hop on your own,” he says. 
“...in an article, right?” Piper asks, forcing Annabeth to tune back in again.
“Yeah, about the James Beard Foundation Awards,” Annabeth says. “It’s officially an American Classic.”
“Fucking typical,” Percy says. “I’m not telling you where that halal cart is now.”
“So cool,” Piper enthuses. “I didn’t even realize how much food there was out there that I’ve never even tried, you know? This city is crazy.”
“Best city in the world,” Percy and Annabeth say in perfect unison. 
Of course, only Annabeth and Percy know that. 
//
It started on her third day in New York, because Annabeth has, in general, always had completely shit luck. With a week until her new job began and her boxes (almost) unpacked, she woke up to a sliver of perfect blue sky visible between the brick walls outside her window and decided to spend the day exploring. 
While she waited for the shower to heat up, she drank a glass of water—straight from the tap—and looked around her joke of a studio apartment. Despite the near negative space she now called her own for the next twelve months, her singular closet was pitifully half empty. 
Annabeth frowned into her water. Half full? She’d never had many clothes, was the point. The t-shirts and jeans she’d favored in high school had stopped fitting once she started doing track and field more seriously, and her college dorm room hadn’t offered an abundance of space, either. 
She wandered back to the bathroom and stuck a hand under the tap. Only lukewarm. The previous two days' experience told her she had another minute before it would get hot, so she took out her phone and googled thrift stores nyc. 
The results were almost too many to believe. She shook her head. 
“Best city in the world,” she said to herself, and finally stripped down to step into the shower. 
In the end, she chose a thrift store in lower Manhattan, a little to the east so it was on the yellow line and she wouldn’t have to transfer trains. It was close to Washington Square Park, too, so she could check that off her architecture bucket list. Just like that, she had a plan for the day—and Annabeth loved having a plan.
She flew down the four flights of stairs, keeping her eyes on her feet so she wouldn’t get drawn into whatever was going on with the man who always lingered on the second floor landing. He left something in his jacket pocket, but Annabeth had never stuck around long enough to hear what it was or who he needed to tell. She’d get around to it eventually. Probably.
After riding the N train two stops in the wrong direction, she managed to get on a Manhattan and Brooklyn bound W. It was all part of the learning curve. The car was near empty, so close to the origin in Astoria, so she found a seat by the window and watched as the lower buildings of northwest Queens morphed into the skyscrapers of Long Island City before the train finally went underground. She pulled a book out of her tote bag before long and focused her gaze on the paper, even though the letters were swirling around the page so aggressively that she couldn’t read a word. 
Her dyslexia always got worse when she was stressed. She turned a page in her book, a perfect pantomime of reading, so that the three ghosts standing within fifteen feet of her don’t realize that she can both see and hear them. 
Spirits, earthbound souls, whatever. They were all ghosts, really, haunting people or places or things. She thought maybe they were haunting this specific subway car, except a man in a navy suit got off at 59th street and one of them—the woman in bright red lipstick and a mink coat—followed him off. 
Annabeth kept looking at her book, flipping forward a page every minute or so. She had long ago perfected the half-glazed over expression that tricked most ghosts into thinking she was just like everyone else—unable to see them. It was a small part of the reason she’d decided to move to New York: everyone here had that expression on. Everyone here avoided eye contact on the sidewalk and went about their business, so maybe—just maybe—Annabeth wouldn’t acquire her usual ‘rude and standoffish’ reputation. 
One of the ghosts sat down next to her. He was mumbling in a language she didn't recognize. Hungarian, maybe—a relief. She wouldn’t have to try so hard to not react if he said something appalling. 
Annabeth turned to the next page in her book. She didn’t even remember what it was about. The stops got more frequent in Manhattan, crawling at times only five blocks between stations after Times Square, before the W finally pulled into 8th Street-NYU. 
Annabeth put her book back into her tote and stood, edging around the ghost’s legs with a mumbled, “excuse me.”
She realized her mistake two steps later, when the voice got panicked and excited, rapid-fire consonant heavy speech trying to get her attention again. Annabeth kept her head down and walked towards the closest exit like she knew it would take her where she wanted. It worked, either because he thought it was a fluke or he was tied enough to that train car to stay put, and when she walked up into the autumn sunlight she was once again alone. 
Not unhaunted. She was never really unhaunted, but she could be—however briefly—alone. 
Maps told her that the Buffalo Exchange was close, only a few blocks south. She made her way there, realized she was on the wrong side of the street, and blatantly jaywalked to get to her destination. One thing she certainly would not miss about California was driving and cars and mechanics. She hoped Clarisse would love the hunk of bolts Annabeth couldn’t have more joyously parted with.
The thrift store wasn’t too crowded inside, because it was around 11 on a Tuesday, so Annabeth took her time. She started in the back, sifting through women’s cut jeans and giving up quickly, moving to the men’s section in the front where the inseams were longer. She found a few potential successes, all dark wash enough that she could probably dress them up for work, and made her way towards one of the circular clothing racks in the middle of the shop. 
Annabeth hadn’t lived on the east coast since she was twelve, but she remembered the cold bite of the winters. She didn’t have nearly enough sweaters to get her through January and February, only a few short months away. A few hoodies with stains and holes got flipped past, but eventually she came across a maroon crewneck with a faded lettering that said MONTAUK. She threw it on over her shirt and managed to catch her reflection in a nearby mirror—exactly the kind of baggy she’s always preferred. Perfect. 
“That’s mine,” someone said.
Annabeth looked over and gasped. Standing next to her, soaked from head to foot, was a guy about her age. He was a bit taller, with dark hair plastered to his head and green eyes so bright they forced the air out of Annabeth’s lungs. Every inch of him was dripping water in the middle of the perfectly dry Buffalo Exchange.
“You can see me,” he realized, eyes getting wider. “You can actually—holy fuck.” 
She bought the sweater, in the end, because she stopped letting ghosts decide what she was and wasn’t going to do a long time ago. Percy—I’m Percy, by the way, can you still see me?— didn’t seem to mind, even as she ignored him and checked out with her new pants and sweater. 
“I know you can hear me,” Percy said, following her out the door. “You’re not a very good actor, you know.”
Annabeth pulled out her headphones and slipped them on. She fiddled with her phone, miming a call, and finally turned to face the very wet ghost beside her. 
“Percy, you said?” She asked. 
He grinned. “Yes! Yeah, I’m Percy. I can’t believe you can hear me. It’s, like, so great to talk to someone.”
“I’m Annabeth.” She didn’t reach out to shake his hand, because they wouldn’t be able to anyway. “I’m going to the park. Want to come?”
They walked the two blocks to the north side of the park, until Annabeth stood directly under Stanford White’s famous arch. She knew it already, of course—the Tuckahoe marble used to construct it, the fact that it commemorated the centennial of George Washington’s presidential address in 1789—but Annabeth’s favorite thing about architecture isn’t facts or materials. It’s the way she feels looking at it; it’s something about the innate nature of human beings and the way they just can’t help their desire to create.
She could see Percy out of the corner of her eye, watching her. As she stood there, her gaze still fixed upward, someone in a purple t-shirt walked right through him.
“Okay,” she finally said. “What’s your deal? Normally I’ve gotten a whole life story by now.”
“Normally,” he repeated. “This happen to you a lot?”
“Look, do you see a white light?” Annabeth asked, already losing her patience. 
“A what?”
“God, I can really pick ‘em,” Annabeth muttered to herself. “A white light. Bright, blinding even. Maybe a loved one standing there waiting for you? Walk into it.”
“I—what?” 
“Unless there’s something you’ve left unfinished?” Annabeth prompted. It usually went smoother if the ghost came to terms on their own, but this whole conversation was messing with Annabeth’s plan for the day. She wanted it over and done with.
“What are you talking about?” Percy asked, his accent hitting harder than it had before. His ah vowel was like an A and U and W smushed together. “Why are you the only one who can see me?”
Annabeth closed her eyes. “Fuck,” she said. “Seriously? This is just my luck.” She turned back to Percy, kind of vaguely relishing how no one around them seemed to care that she was talking to thin air. “You’re dead.”
Percy blinked at her. A drop of water made its way down the arch of his nose. “What?”
“I can see ghosts. Spirits. People who haven’t yet moved on.” She let that sink in for a moment, then added, “like you.”
“Moved on to what?” He asked, his voice getting louder with pure panic. 
“Your guess is as good as mine,” she said. “I’m not dead. I just have the pleasure of seeing all of you on your journey in between.”
“Fuck. What the fuck?” Percy started to pace, his hands on his head. “I can’t be dead! That’s such bullshit. I’ve never even left the tri-state area! And I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, lady—”
“Annabeth.”
“—Annabeth, because there ain’t no fuckin’ light, alright? There’s just this stupid park and a bunch of asshole NYU students walking right through me, and apparently, the only person who can see me is a goddamn Yankees fan, which is fucking rich. And!” He turned back to her, an almost triumphant expression on his face. “And I bet you you’re not from here, am I right? No shot.”
“I’m from…” Annabeth trailed off. She could’ve said Virginia, or the Bay Area, or something else. In the end, she just confirmed his suspicion. “I’m not from here, you’re right. This is my third day in New York.”
That made him laugh uproariously, too dramatic to be earnest, his hands flung out to the sides. “Of course! A fucking transplant in a Yankees hat. I can hardly believe my luck.”
With him standing facing her once more, Annabeth finally saw the logo made dark by his wet t-shirt. A baseball with dark blue skyline and orange piping, Mets written out across the front. 
“Are you done?” Annabeth asked. “I want to go see the narrowest house in the city next.”
“I’m not a tour guide,” he seethed.
“Which way is Bedford Street?”
He pointed behind him. “Like, six blocks that way.”
And so Annabeth’s first friend in the big city was a chronically damp, kind of asshole ghost named Percy.
//
“Silena said Piper liked you,” Clarisse says. They’re playing Battleship online as they FaceTime, both unwilling to admit that they want to talk for the sake of talking, and certainly unwilling to admit they might miss each other. 
It’s one thing to move across the country to an apartment you’ve never actually seen for the sake of a life you think you might like, and another to do it knowing you’ll leave behind the two best friends you’ve made in your entire twenty-two years on Earth. 
That are still alive, at least.
“She was cool,” Annabeth says. “So different from Silena, though. We got greasy Chinese food.”
Clarisse snorts. “Uh, yeah. Duh. Get sunk, by the way.” Her missile lands in open water. “Seriously? What the hell.”
“Be better,” Annabeth replies, confidently clicking on G3. Sure enough, a tiny explosion graphic goes off on G3. 
“What the—is there someone behind me giving you clues? I know that’s how you kept winning poker night in junior year—”
“I can’t see ghosts through FaceTime, that would be ridiculous,” Annabeth scoffs. 
“Oh, that’s ridiculous,” Clarisse scowls. “Sure.” One of her shots finally connects, but Annabeth’s still smiling, two ships in the lead. 
“Did I tell you I’ve got a new one?” Annabeth asks, pulling her fidget cube out from its drawer and flicking one side of it. 
“A Casper? No.”
“His name’s Percy. He’s wet.”
“Is that some kind of horrible New York slang?”
“What?” Annabeth laughs. “No, he’s actually wet. Like, dripping water.”
“That’s new.”
“Plus, he had no idea he was dead. Bizarre.”
Clarisse frowns. Clarisse always looks like she’s frowning, so it’s really hard to tell when she actually is, but at this point Annabeth’s had years of practice. “That’s happened before,” she says.
Annabeth gets a flash of sun-bleached blond hair and that awful scar in her mind’s eye before she manages to shove it back into the box in the corner of her mind. “S’not common, though,” she says. “Usually means the death was traumatic.” 
“Not to play Silena,” Clarisse says slowly, finally managing to figure out which way Annabeth’s submarine is pointing, “but should you be doing this?”
“Talking to you?” Annabeth snarks. Her next shot misses. 
“Getting wrapped up in helping a ghost your first few weeks in New York. Isn’t that why you left California? Oh, get fucked, I knew that was your battleship.” 
Annabeth shuts that right down. “I left because I got a job. I knew New York would have a lot of earthbound spirits; that was kind of a given, it’s huge. And yeah, I did say I was going to try and focus on me a little more, but…I don’t know, there’s something about him.”
Clarisse looks like she doesn’t know what to do with that. “He’s…nice?” She asks.
Annabeth laughs. “Uh, no. I’m not sure I would be if I just found out I was dead, so.” She shrugs. “I won’t be able to help him cross over until he starts to remember more, anyway. Googling ‘Percy NYC’ got me a dollar pizza place in the West Village and some place called Percy’s Tavern that isn’t even open anymore.”
“Silena’s going to be so pissed that all we talked about on our call is your new familiar.”
Annabeth sinks Clarisse’s final ship. “No, she’s not.”
Clarisse raises her eyebrows. “Oh, yeah?”
“Mhm.” Annabeth smirks. “Because you get to tell her that the new ghost is, like, seriously hot.”
Clarisse just shakes her head, grinning. “She is going to love that. Damn. Well, good luck. I’ll call whenever my ego can handle a rematch.���
“Okay,” Annabeth says softly. “Bye.”
“Love you. No homo.” 
Before Annabeth can reply, she gets hung up on.
“Typical,” she says to her empty studio apartment. No one, alive or dead, replies.
//
“Alright,” Annabeth says as she steps out of her office building, her headphones on. “Where am I getting lunch?”
“I’m not telling you,” Percy sulks. “You just abuse my knowledge. I spent a lifetime accumulating this stuff, only to give it away to some yuppie. Barf.”
Annabeth picks a direction and starts walking. “I read that Ess-a-Bagel is good,” she says, already knowing what will happen next with only a week and a half of experience.
“Overrated,” Percy says. He can’t seem to help himself. “Like, it’s good, but they only put the seeds n’ shit on one side. Shmear options are okay,” he adds a little begrudgingly.
“Like, cream cheese?”
“Like, cream cheese?” Percy mocks, his voice high-pitched and whiny. “If you ask for them to scoop out your bagel, I’m actually going to start haunting you.”
“As opposed to what this is,” Annabeth murmurs to herself, well aware that he can hear her. 
“Hey! I’m, like, super chill. I haven’t even tried to get your lights to flicker.”
“You’ve never even appeared in my apartment,” Annabeth acquiesces. “Or at work.”
He shrugs, falling into step beside her. “Seems rude.” 
Annabeth almost stops in the middle of the sidewalk, she’s so surprised. “Okay, that’s a first.”
“Are the people you see always rude?”
She wrinkles her nose. “It’s more like…it’s all on their terms. No one’s ever been that concerned about appearing in the middle of my calc final, for example.”
“Yikes.”
“Exactly.” Despite having the light, she looks both ways before joining the crowd in crossing 6th. One of the idling cars honks at her.
Percy flips the car off. It doesn’t make a difference to anyone but her, but she appreciates it. “If you want to spend too much money on a bagel, I’m not going to stop you,” he tells her. 
Annabeth walks into Herald Square; she’d rather go through a tiny park than down the crowded sidewalk. “Where would you go for a bagel?”
“Absolute Bagels. 108 and Broadway.”
She snorts out a laugh. “You knew that answer way too quickly.”
“I’m tired of these bougie, overpriced bagels! Absolute is good enough I drag my ass to the west side—that’s how you know it’s legit.”
“So you’re from the east side,” Annabeth follows, nodding. “Okay, that’s something. Remember anything more specific?”
“Yeah.” Percy grins proudly, pushing his wet bangs out of his face. “El Barrio, baby! Proud of it. Just off 2nd and…” His grin fades. “Shit. Goddamn it.”
“It’s okay,” Annabeth soothes. “That’s something. I’m assuming that’s…a Hispanic neighborhood?”
“Spanish Harlem,” he says. “East side, north of, like, 96.” He wrinkles his nose in distaste. “These days, north of 110.”
They’re already on the other side of Herald Square; Percy picks up into a jog. Annabeth follows suit, only realizing that he’s trying to catch the light before it changes a few seconds later. They make it to the other side and slow back to a walk. 
“If you want,” Annabeth offers, “I could go there. With you, I mean. We could walk around, maybe spark a memory.”
“You’d do that?” Percy asks, his voice almost severe in its sudden quiet volume. 
Annabeth shrugs. She pauses on the corner, barely a moment of hesitation, but Percy points diagonally to the side of the street she wants to be on. With a wince of thanks, she says, “I want to see more of the city. Might as well check off a good deed while I’m at it.” 
“Well, I can make it worth your while,” he says with a confident nod. “D’you like Italian food?” 
“Am I human?”
“Okay, so we’ll swing by Patsy’s, then. Oh, or Sam’s! And that bakery with the killer conchas—”
“I have no idea what that is, but I’m sold,” Annabeth says. “Why does Spanish Harlem have Italian food?”
He shrugs, sending tiny flicks of water flying. “Dunno. Better Italian food than Little Italy, though.”
“Haven’t seen it yet,” Annabeth says, pushing her way into the surprisingly large bagel shop and immediately struggling to focus. 
“It’s mostly gone, honestly. Hey, you good?”
“Hm?” Annabeth blinks away from the menu behind the counter. “Oh, yeah, it’s just loud in here. You weren’t kidding about the cream cheese.”
Percy doesn’t say much as they wait in line, or as she orders—toasted sesame bagel with olive cream cheese—but he sort of squints his eyes, like he’s sizing her up. 
“What?” She hisses out of the corner of her mouth as the cashier rings up her order. 
Percy shrugs, the movement of his shoulders just barely visible out of the corner of her eye. “Nothing.”
She raises as much of an eyebrow as she dares, smiling quickly at the cashier, tapping her credit card, and hoping to get back outside as quickly as possible.
“It’s clearly not nothing,” Annabeth says once they’re on their way again. The bagel is hot even through the paper bag it’d been stuffed in. 
Percy moves like he wants to grab the door for her, then awkwardly follows her as she jerks it open herself. “I just think you’re a sociopath for getting olive cream cheese.”
Annabeth rolls her eyes. “You’re so dramatic. Ever heard of not yucking someone else’s yum?”
“Nope. Where we headed?”
“I thought we’d sit in the park?” 
“The squirrels are going to maul you.”
“Well, you’ve never seen me fight before.” 
Privately, even as Percy laughs, she casts a few suspicious glances at lingering squirrels as they make their way into the park. Most are high in the trees or lingering around the trash cans. She picks a free table that’s far away from both, sits down, and kicks out the empty chair so that Percy can sit down, too.
“I feel like a food critic,” she says, unwrapping her lunch. She opens the bagel using two hands to get the visual, her stomach rumbling at the sight of cream cheese going a little runny from being sandwiched between two warm halves of bagel. “Except kind of like I’m cheating, you know? I haven’t had to look up any new things to try in two weeks.”
“You’re welcome,” Percy says. He rubs at one eye and flicks the water off his hand after. “But I feel like you should know that I’m not telling you everything.”
Annabeth gasps in mock offence. “But you’re so endeared by me.”
“Lie. I’m living vicariously through you.”
“By not telling me everything?” Annabeth asks cheekily, taking her first, relatively heavenly bite.
“You know what?” Percy says, clearly trying to sound pissed off but failing by laughing halfway through his sentence. He flicks some water at her, and Annabeth swears she can feel it land on her arm. 
“What’re these big secrets you’ve been keeping?” She asks. “It’s not like I’ve gotten food poisoning or anything.”
Percy sighs, still kind of smiling. “Well, then they wouldn’t be secrets, would they? Gotta keep some stuff for the locals.”
Annabeth pouts. Percy rolls his eyes.
“Fine, whatever.” He jerks his thumb over his shoulder, gesturing back across the street. “You didn’t have to wait on line in there.”
Annabeth chews slowly, trying to figure out what’s been lost in translation. “I…ordered in person?” She says. “I didn’t use, like, an app or something.” 
Percy looks just as confused. “Yeah, I was there. I’m saying you could’ve skipped the line.”
“No, you said I didn’t need to be online.”
“Yeah,” he repeats a little slower. “You didn’t have to wait on the line. Have you, like, stopped being able to hear me?”
“Who says wait on the line?” Annabeth asks incredulously. “You wait in a line, Percy.”
“Everybody says that! There’s an invisible line on the ground, and we all stand on it.”
Annabeth takes a bite without looking away from him, wondering how she ended up here. “I’ve literally never heard that before in my life,” she says through her mouthful. “Online is the internet. You wait in a line. I live in a city. I ride in a car.”
“You get on a bus. I ride on the subway. And I wait,” Percy says, leaning in, “on line.” 
“Maybe you’re not dead,” Annabeth theorizes. “Maybe you’re a demon raised from hell, come to torment me. Maybe you’re from an alternate universe!”
“This is what I get for revealing the schmear only express line at Ess-a-Bagel.” Percy shakes his head. “I should’a known.”
“What?” Annabeth asks. “I didn’t have to wait in that stupid fucking line?”
Percy throws his hands up. “That’s what I’ve been saying!”
“Tell me that before next time. You had to wait in the line, too.”
He shrugs. “Not so bad. I’ve got nowhere to be.”
It sends her into a little bit of a tailspin. Sure, he’s actively dripping water on an otherwise dry and sunny day, but he’s around her age and died relatively recently, if the in-style cut of his jeans is anything to go by. He’s easy to talk to. It’s easy to forget he’s dead.
Annabeth takes another bite of her bagel. It’s a little strange that the sesame seeds are only on one side, but it’s just the right amount of chewy and pretty big for what she paid. The olive cream cheese is more of a disappointment, but she’s not going to tell Percy that.
“This is really good,” she says. “Your place is better? Or are you going to gatekeep that now?”
“Oh, shut up. It’s not like Absolute is a big secret, they’ve got a crazy line all weekend.”
“Good to know.”
“I don’t fuck around when it comes to bagels, Annabeth. Honestly, have any of my food recommendations let you down?”
“No,” she agrees. “Why do you think you remember all of that so well?”
He shrugs, his eyes sliding to the side. Annabeth doesn’t think he’s particularly interested in the squirrel eating a cigarette butt, so he probably just wants to avoid looking at her. It strikes her somewhere beneath her ribs, how sad it is, to wander around your home with only the innocuous pieces left.
Not for the first time, she wonders what will happen when she dies. Will someone see her? Will she even know that she’s dead? Will she be here, or in San Francisco, or on Berkeley’s campus, or back in Richmond? Has she ever known a place her soul would cling to?
“What’s your favorite thing about New York?” Annabeth asks, deciding suddenly to change tactics. “Since you keep insisting us transplants don’t know—”
“—know shit about shit,” Percy finishes. He looks back at her. “Uh, it’s the best city in the world.”
Annabeth rolls her eyes. “I know that. That’s why I moved here. You could argue that means I love it more than you.”
“Shut up,” Percy says, his face screwed up with indignation. “No, it doesn’t!”
“Great comeback,” she drawls. 
“Okay, I love the people,” Percy answers. “I love New Yorkers, and the way we treat each other.”
“Like?” Annabeth prompts him.
“We leave each other alone, but if I’m short a dollar on groceries there’s almost always someone who’ll cover me. And I just…I love walking places, and the subway, and I love it when I hop the turnstyle so smooth you can’t even tell I jumped it. I love the old guys who play chess in the park. The graffiti. I love riding the bus at night and Biggie, and shitting on Jersey and the goddamn Mets. I love not giving a fuck, I guess.” 
“Well, that’s things you love, but what’s your favorite?” Annabeth pushes. “Mine is easy, it’s the—”
“—the architecture, I know,” Percy finishes again. “I like that, too. I…well, maybe it’s the food. The food here is the best.”
Percy has admitted to never going anywhere else, so Annabeth doesn’t really know how he knows it’s the best, but she doesn’t call him on it. 
“But my favorite…” Percy goes a little still, like he’s remembered something. “My favorite thing when I was a kid is gone now,” he says. 
“Yeah?” Annabeth prompts
“Yeah. It was on the west side, if you can believe it. When you got off an uptown 1 at 79th, if you went up the staircase that took you to the northwest corner—there used to be a Circuit City there, next to the DSW.”
“There’s a name I haven’t heard in a while,” Annabeth mutters.
“Yeah, it closed ages ago, but it was in this little, two story building. And it meant, when you were going up the stairs, if you looked up all you could see was the sky. Like the sky was the ocean and you got to go down the ladder and jump into it.” He goes quiet for a moment. Then, “now there’s an ugly fucking apartment building.”
Annabeth resists the urge to scoff. “You think any new building is ugly.”
“That’s not true! I like the Jenga building downtown.”
“The Jenga…” Annabeth thinks. “You mean 56 Leonard?”
“Is 56 Leonard the building that looks like a wonky Jenga tower?”
“I—” She sighs. “Yes. But it’s a Herzog & de Meuron.”
“You’re a hotdog and demure one.”
“You’re not that funny.”
He shrugs. “I dunno, you’re smiling.”
You’re flirting, Annabeth realizes. You’re flirting with a ghost, and he’s flirting back. 
“I can show you the ugly building some time,” he offers, blinking some water out of his eyelashes. “It’s right by the Natural History Museum. You like museums, right?”
“My second favorite thing about New York,” Annabeth confirms, and just manages to stop herself from saying it’s a date. 
//
Her dad texts her on a Saturday morning, the first time he’s reached out since she moved to the east coast, and his message reads [ Hi, Annabeth. I hope you’re settling in well at your new job. How is New York? Let me know when you might be free to talk.]
She doesn’t respond for three days. What’s there to say? She wishes she could explain to him that you can walk south on the east side of Broadway, from Grand to Howard, and you can look up and see the top of One World Trade peak through the buildings. You can look down so you won’t trip over the subway grate, and when you look back up again 56 Leonard has taken its place. 
She could tell him that if you walk past the entrance to the NQWR to the corner of Canal, you can see all of Herzog & de Meuron’s creativity, bottom to top, and you can decide that from then on out you’ll be calling it the Jenga Tower. She could type it out, or even try and call and inevitably tell him in a voicemail, but he wouldn’t get it. He’d probably say something ridiculous, like ask what Jenga was, or tell her about an exhibit that has something to do with planes that’s soon to arrive in the tri-state area, and Annabeth would remember why she hadn’t reached out either.
Instead, she tells him about work, and doesn’t talk about buildings or bagel shops or the bitter and charming conundrum of a ghost that’s taken to appearing at her shoulder as she makes a city her father hates her home. 
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galaxy-stardust · 1 day ago
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Simon Ghost Riley x you
Gift from Simon 🐾
Part 1
The apartment felt emptier than usual. Simon had been gone for weeks on another mission, and the silence had become unbearable. You sat on the couch, aimlessly flipping through channels on the TV. The weight of loneliness pressed down on you, your usual distractions—work, books, and even archery—doing little to ease the ache in your chest.
Simon’s absence always left a void, but this time, it felt different. He’d been distant in his last few messages, shorter responses, fewer check-ins. You told yourself it was just the mission, but a small voice whispered that maybe he was pulling away.
As the days passed, you fell into a routine: work, home, eat, sleep. It was numbing, but it was easier than letting the loneliness in. Until one evening, as you sat on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, there was a sudden knock at the door.
Your heart skipped. Simon never announced his returns. He just showed up. You rushed to the door, flinging it open, and there he stood—hulking, masked, and carrying a small crate in one hand. His dark eyes softened as they met yours.
“Miss me?” he asked, his voice low and gravelly, but you caught the warmth in it.
You barely resisted the urge to throw yourself into his arms, knowing he’d have to drop whatever he was carrying. “Of course I did,” you said, your voice trembling slightly. “You’ve been gone forever.”
“Come on, love, it wasn’t that long,” he teased, stepping inside and setting the crate on the floor.
You noticed the faint scratches and tiny squeaks coming from it and froze. “What… what’s in there?”
Simon crouched and opened the crate, reaching in carefully. When he straightened, he was holding a tiny, wiggling puppy—a black and tan shepherd mix with bright eyes and oversized ears.
You gasped, covering your mouth. “Simon… is this—?”
“For you,” he said simply, holding the puppy out to you. “Thought you could use some company when I’m not around.”
Tears welled up in your eyes as you gently took the puppy into your arms. Its little tail wagged furiously, and it licked your cheek, making you laugh despite yourself.
“I don’t know what to say,” you whispered, looking up at him.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Simon replied, his gaze softening. “I hate leaving you alone, but I don’t always have a choice. At least now, you’ll have someone to keep you busy. And to keep you safe.”
You raised an eyebrow at that. “A tiny puppy is supposed to protect me?”
He chuckled, the sound low and comforting. “Give it time. She’ll grow.”
“She?” you asked, looking down at the wriggling ball of fur.
“Yeah. Thought you’d like a girl. You can name her.”
You cradled the puppy, already feeling a warmth in your chest that you hadn’t felt in weeks. “She’s perfect. Thank you, Simon.”
He stepped closer, his gloved hand brushing your cheek. “You’re worth it. I hate seeing you sad, love.”
You leaned into his touch, the weight of his presence grounding you. For the first time in weeks, the apartment didn’t feel so empty.
As the evening went on, the three of you settled into a comfortable rhythm—Simon watching silently as you played with the puppy, a small smile hidden beneath his mask. And as you lay in bed that night, the tiny puppy curled up at your feet, Simon’s arm draped protectively over you, the loneliness that had consumed you finally began to fade.
For now, you weren’t alone.
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charlottesbookclub · 2 days ago
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time after time – chapter one (armitage hux x reader)
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time after time masterlist
Summary: Much to the general's displeasure, Mitaka has arranged for Hux to meet with a captain who has recently transferred to the Finalizer. The meeting does not go particularly well.
Warnings/Tags: gn!reader; set pre-TFA; description of a medical appointment; medical anxiety; description of an injection; description of fainting as a result of an injection; Hux is quite rude lol, but hey he has to start somewhere, right?; as always, let me know if I've missed anything!
Words: 2752
Author’s Note: hell yeah chapter one babeyyyy!! I'm so excited for y'all to finally start reading this story! I definitely wanted to start Hux from a place where he was very much closed off to others, so that's why we get him being quite rude at this initial point. for me at least, it makes it even more fun to watch the trajectory of both the relationship and him as a character ☺️ I also want to give huge credit to a blog that used to go by armitages-galaxy for their incredible headcanons about Hux hating medical which have lived rent free in my head since I read them (if the person who ran that blog has a new url you'd like me to tag, please let me know!). I hope you enjoy the first chapter! 🥰
Hux’s datapad pinged. It was a message from Mitaka.
Don’t forget about your “exploratory interpersonal reconnaissance mission!" 😉
Hux scowled and snatched the datapad off the desk, furiously tapping out his reply. Ever since he had expressed his emphatic disinterest in using the word “date” for this forced meet-up, Mitaka had been creating ever more obscure and complex names to refer to it.
I never forget anything. Even meetings I do not wish to attend.
He cast the datapad back on the desk, running his hands over his face, pressing his palms against his closed eyes. How could he have let Mitaka talk him into this? Another ping.
Please try not to be so… Mitaka unsent the message, but not before the notification popped onto Hux’s screen. Another rush of frustration ran through Hux before something else took over. What was the last word in that sentence? Hux shifted in his seat, suddenly noticing an odd feeling in his stomach. Then Mitaka messaged again:
Please just try! I think you’ll actually really like the captain if you would just give it a chance
Hux huffed a sigh. This captain he was meant to be meeting was some academy friend of Mitaka’s older sister, recently transferred to the Finalizer from field work. Something about doing recruitment planetside. Hux hadn’t really been listening when Mitaka had explained it, which had been the vital mistake that had led to this whole mess. Somewhere along the line Mitaka had mentioned that the two of you would get on well, and Hux unknowingly made a noise of assent in response to the suggestion of a potential first meeting. He had just been trying to show the lieutenant that he had been listening – which, of course, he hadn’t been, although that was hardly his fault. He was far too busy preparing the plans for Starkiller to entertain the inane comments from his personal staff that he might benefit from someone in his life aside from his work. Hux scoffed at the memory. What idiocy. Someone else would only distract him from the many tasks at hand. But if it would get his staff to be silent on the topic for a while, he supposed he could at least show up.
I will be there. I have to be at medical first, but I will attend the meeting.
Hux sent the message back to Mitaka and checked the time. Kriff – he should already be on his way to the med bay. He combed his fingers quickly through his hair in the mirror, ensuring it met his standards for professional perfection. Another message pinged in.
KRIFF, Hux! Of course you’re doing medical too! You get one day off and you have to fill every second – I can’t believe I’m surprised 🙄
Hux just snorted and clicked the datapad off as he swept out of his quarters. It was true – he barely had time to sleep while operating under his normal schedule, so spending even half an hour in medical was out of the question. But what Mitaka didn’t know was that he put off these appointments as long as possible because he didn’t… he didn’t like it in medical. He couldn’t quite find the words for it – he knew no one particularly enjoyed spending time in the med bay, but there was just something about it that made him feel almost queasy. He had to take his uniform off. The medics touched his skin. They asked him lots of questions. He lied when necessary. They prescribed him new doses of his medications – stims mostly, for when he worked two or three cycles on no sleep. They gave him his required injections and he left. He was shaky for the rest of the day. Even the thought of it caused a little shudder to pass through him, but he tried to force it down. He straightened his shoulders and walked even more briskly through the halls. He had to survive this, then it was just a few hours until that cursed meet up with the captain, and then he would finally be free to continue the work he had been doing on some experimental designs. 
He steeled himself as his credentials unlocked the door and he stepped into the med bay. To the extent he was able, Hux tried to turn himself off to all exterior feeling as the medics completed their examination. Perhaps the meeting with the captain was a good idea after all, he mused, since his feelings of annoyance toward the impending appointment kept his mind occupied during most of the visit. It wasn’t until he was receiving his required injections that he let his concentration slip. The alcohol prep pad was suddenly very cold against his flushed skin, drawing his attention immediately. He felt the tiny prick of the needle, then everything got a little blurry around the edges.
Hux regained his senses laying on his back on the cot in the examination room. He looked up at the dark ceilings that were more brightly lit than elsewhere in the ship to better illuminate the medics’ work. He blinked a few times, struggling to regulate his breathing. The loss of control made him sick to his stomach, and he could feel sweat beading on his forehead. Then the faces of two medics came into focus over him, their expressions concerned.
 “General, are you alright?” One of them asked.
“Yes, yes, I’m just fine.” Hux forced himself to sit up, even if his vision got a little shaky as he did so.
“Sir, please. No need to get up so quickly. You should rest a moment longer,” the other suggested, her hands reaching out to guide him back onto the cot, but he brushed her away.
“Nonsense,” he retorted, though he knew she was right. “I have duties to attend to.” He pushed himself up to a standing position, careful to hide the way he swayed slightly on his feet. Collecting the rest of his uniform, he turned back to the medics who were still watching him with worried faces.
“Not a breath of this leaves this room,” he ordered, leveling his gaze meaningfully at one then the other, attempting to make sure they felt the weight of his authority even if his state of partial undress and his unseemly faint were making him feel rather less like a general and rather more like a small child.
“Yes, sir – of course, sir!” they both hurried to respond. Satisfied, he ended the interaction with a curt nod. Once the door slid shut and he was alone in the adjoining private waiting room, he allowed himself one long deep breath and a slight lean against the wall until his knees stopped feeling so weak. Then he donned the rest of his uniform and straightened his posture, determined to bury this moment of weakness.
The intervening hours between his appointment at medical and his meeting with the captain were long and unproductive. He alternated between anger at himself for his lapse in composure and frustration at the event that loomed before him. Both emotions pulled him from his work, leaving him sitting at his desk looking absently out the windows into space, his boot tapping the polished floor rhythmically. He debated at length with himself whether he should just cancel, but decided that one display of weakness was far more than enough for one cycle. He would meet the captain, exchange a few words, then say he needed to return to his work and do just that. Set in his intentions, he swept out of his quarters again at the time he had set for himself – it would allow him to be precisely a minute and a half early – and made his way to the officers’ dining hall.
Despite the squared set of his shoulders and the comforting weight of his greatcoat draped around him, he noticed his steps falter just slightly as he walked through the doors. He rarely ate in the dining hall, preferring to swallow a few bites of a nutrition bar in his office between commitments. There was no need to turn the consumption of one’s required nutrients into an event. He saw a few of the officers look up, back to their trays, and up again upon realizing they had seen General Hux in the dining hall. He ignored their glances, using most of his concentration to search faces for that of the captain. He had looked up your personnel file of course, and he had a sense of what you looked like from your official identification image. His eyes swept back and forth across the tables until he noticed you sitting in a booth near the back. Instinctively, he moved to pass a gloved hand through his hair to ensure all the strands were perfectly at attention, only to realize his hand was shaking slightly. Scowling, he stalked toward your table.
You hadn’t noticed his approach yet, which allowed him a cursory inspection of you. He immediately wished he wouldn’t have looked. You looked… nice – good. No, professional. Good as in professional. You sat up straight at the table as though at attention, your uniform crisp and well-fitting. The sharp lines accentuated the shape of your body, throwing it into relief against the wall behind you. No, not like that – it was just that you clearly took pride in wearing your uniform, something the general could appreciate. He suddenly felt faintly warm and a bit lightheaded. Before he could notice anything else, Hux swallowed hard and closed the distance to your table. 
“Captain,” he addressed you. You started slightly in surprise.
“Oh, General Hux! I’m so sorry – I didn’t see you. I—” you moved to stand and greet him, but he motioned for you to remain sitting before situating himself in the seat across from you. It felt like he noticed every movement you made; your hands twisted together in your lap, your gaze flitted around nervously, your shoulders seemed to fold forward slightly before quickly correcting themselves. Hux was beginning to think he was having an adverse reaction to the injection. To add to his list of odd symptoms, he now felt sweaty and a bit queasy.
“I got us both a caf,” you gestured to two cups on the table. “I wasn’t sure if you drank—” 
“Not at this time during the cycle,” Hux interrupted. This strange illness was putting him on edge – he didn’t have time for this nonsense. 
“Oh, um… I’m sorry,” you murmured in response, one of your hands moving from your lap to rub mindlessly up and down your arm. Hux watched the motion for a moment before forcing himself to focus. What had been in that injection?
“What is it you want, Captain?” he asked sharply, barely able to keep his foot from drumming on the floor. He needed to get back to his quarters and contact medical. The abrupt question brought your gaze to his in an instant, and Hux suddenly felt like he might be about to faint again. Looking into your eyes, he felt dizzy, like he wasn’t quite sure where the floor was anymore.
“Well… I just— I didn’t want anything really. I just transferred to the Finalizer and Jeela – I mean Captain Mitaka – said her brother knew you and that it might be good to— well, that maybe we could—”
“Do you have a point, Captain?” Hux interrupted you again. The sound of your voice was having a strange effect on him. He was feeling a little breathless and the queasy sensation in his stomach was becoming stronger. He was certain you could see him sweating.
You had stopped speaking, but your mouth remained open in a surprised ‘o’ for a second longer before you appeared to realize and snap it shut. He caught your gaze again for just a moment, but he suddenly felt like he was falling. Then you averted your eyes and the sensation ended abruptly. 
“I think I should go,” your voice was even softer than before, and almost a little… hoarse? You hurriedly collected your things and stood. Hux echoed the movement.
“An excellent idea, Captain. I have much that needs my attention,” Hux said with as much authority as he could muster given his clearly sickened condition. You nodded absently at the statement, and turned to go, your eyes catching his once last time before you left. He thought for a moment that he had imagined the beginnings of tears pooling in them, but quickly ascribed this to his eyesight going slightly blurry as a result of his unknown illness. He turned in the opposite direction and walked quickly back to his quarters.
Within half an hour, he was back in medical, much to his displeasure. The head medic flipped through reports on her datapad, shaking her head slightly.
“Well General, the attending medic says he noticed no adverse reactions to the injection when he performed his examination of your condition just now, though he did make a note of your symptoms. It is not unusual to faint as a result of an injection. I would presume you are simply experiencing some lingering effects of that faintness.”
“You’re certain there’s nothing seriously wrong?” Hux pressed, clenching his hands into fists and trying not to sound too desperate. He had had hours to recover from his faint and hadn’t felt any symptoms in that whole time until he met with you. He was certain it had to be a delayed reaction to the injection; it wasn’t logical for it to still be the effects of the faint.
“Based on these reports, I’m quite certain, General. But if you experience new or worsening symptoms, be sure to contact us immediately. I would recommend trying to get some rest.”
Hux just nodded, collecting his greatcoat and returning to his quarters again, his mind swimming, trying to make sense of his odd illness. Removing his uniform and placing each piece in its designated location, he allowed himself to collapse into his bed for once. Sleeping was not something at which he excelled, but he couldn’t let this strange affliction affect his work, and if the head medic said that rest would help, then he was determined to try. Just as he was attempting to get comfortable, his datapad pinged.
Kriff, Hux I thought I told you to TRY
Hux let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his hands over his face before responding to Mitaka’s message.
I was unwell. I had to return to medical.
You treated the captain like bantha shit Mitaka shot back. Anger bubbled up in Hux’s throat. No he hadn’t – he was legitimately unwell, and the captain’s presence seemed to exacerbate his condition. He was completely justified in cutting the meeting short. He cast the datapad aside, deciding not to validate Mitaka’s comment with a response. Anyway, what kind of way was that to speak to a superior officer, even if Mitaka was on Hux’s personal staff? Perhaps he’d write up an infraction report in the morning.
Hux rolled over, pulling the sheet up to his chin. He closed his eyes, hoping the sweet yet fickle embrace of sleep would see fit to grant him some rest. Instead, Mitaka’s words echoed in his head. He let out a huff of annoyance, already drafting the infraction report in his mind. But then those thoughts faded to a remembrance of his meeting with you. Against his wishes, his memories played the interaction over and over again. He saw you once more, the smart figure you cut in your uniform, the small gestures that had captured his complete attention, your soft, faltering voice, the depth of your gaze when it met his. 
For the first time, he realized you were nervous to meet him. How could he have been so oblivious? Every word and action screamed it now as he played everything back. And that last glance – were those tears? Kriff – what had he said? He could see you so clearly, but he could barely remember a word he had spoken. He gripped the sheets and pulled them even tighter around himself, as though the pressure would push the memories from his mind. Mitaka’s words echoed through his thoughts once more, but this time instead of the hot rush of anger, he felt his stomach tie itself into knots. The image of tears forming in your eyes lodged itself in his mind as one cycle clicked to the next.
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hyakunana · 8 months ago
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I hate the sewers . jpg
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novadreii · 5 months ago
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rewatched arrival for the hundredth time. this movie never fails to gut punch me with its approach to determinism. louise embracing her future that she knows every moment of, despite the tremendous loss and pain it contains, with open arms. she doesn't hesitate, or ruminate on how she can try and change it. she accepts it all, the good and the bad, because what she gains is worth it, so many times over for her. she steels herself against a certain future and runs forward to meet it all, to love, learn, and lose, and trusts and leans on herself to live through it all. because that's what life is; it's the joy and the suffering. to try and isolate the joy alone is madness, futility in its purest definition.
comparing her line of thinking to a palindrome (how she named her daughter, hannah), the movie kept emphasizing, "it's the same backwards as it is forwards." it doesn't matter if you can see the end; life is the same whether you live it "forwards" (without knowledge of the future) or "backwards" (with foresight). it doesn't change the significance of your life experiences; to try and avoid certain future pain just because you have the knowledge of it is a zero sum game. you think you win because you avoided pain, but you also avoided the joy that preceded it. the metamorphosis. so you still lose if you try to win, and vice-versa.
all you can do is rush forward and take it all head-on. see this whole beautiful mess as your one most precious gift; this one life, this one chance, a laughably miniature blip on the colossus that is linear time, to experience all there is to feel before you return back to an eternity without perception. it's all worth it, because only in living a full-fledged life open to everything it has to offer does the experience of living turn out to be greater than the sum of its parts; it's in trying to beat the system (avoid pain) that we actually lose.
"if you could see your whole life from start to finish, would you change things?"
"maybe i'd say what i feel more often. i...i don't know."
#arrival 2016#pleaaaaase this movie has a chokehold on me#the perfect sci-fi imo is one that blends the scientific and the emotional realms seamlessly and wow does this do that#this particular movie speaks so personally to me#because i lived so much of my life in stagnation trying to avoid pain i could see on the horizon#a couple of years ago when beginning my last relationship i could see the end as early as 3 months in#you know when you just realize early on there are cracks in the relationship foundation that are not repairable and will only get stressed#the more you build on top of it? yeah#it terrified me like you couldn't believe and i spent so much time in denial and fighting against it#fighting against this future i was intuitively certain would materialize#i watched this movie around that time and decided to just go for it#to not let my intuition rob me of joy in the present#as someone who lived so prudently and always tried to make the “right” choice this was monumental for me and so out of character#for a while i wished i'd just listened to my instincts about how this person would ultimately hurt me so i could avoid the suffering#because i really did have foresight everything i was scared would happen did happen almost to the letter#and i wondered does that make me stupid?#that i marched forward anyway? i didn't have the degree of certainty louise did so i thought i could change things#if i loved hard enough if i was patient enough if i did what i knew in my heart to be the right thing#but it changed nothing#but no i wasn't stupid and i would do it again#because it was still a beautiful experience at its best and it taught me valuable lessons at its worst#i have undoubtedly changed as a person i will never be the same again and THAT is living#not rotting away in an unchanging state. unchanged by joy or mundanity or by adversity. that is not living#undoubtedly better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. i never rly agreed with that until i saw this movie#personal#favourite movies#scifi#movies#this applies to everything not just love. take that chance! do the thing that scares you. bc that's the only way to really live#regardless out of the outcome
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cuteniaarts · 9 months ago
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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adambomb82 · 11 months ago
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chobunz · 5 months ago
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── “ something new ” ( lhs ) 📌
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๑ You and your boyfriend try face riding for the first time ever, his new #favorite position from now on.
pair: jock!heeseung ㅊ thick gf!reader | warnings: smut, dry grinding, face sitting, shaking, spanking, praise, quick death jokes, heeseung admiring you to the core, trying new things, worried reader, thirsty heeseung ftw, use of safe word | words: 918
✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦
“fuck..” heeseung groaned, feeling your core grind on top of his clothed erect. ‘netflix and chill’, yeah it's cliché and all but it gets the sex drive going. the two of you were watching *** (show/movie name) cuddled up in bed together. you finally had the day off and what better way to spend it than with your precious, handsome boyfriend? always 100% a good time. guaranteed.
“mmh.. ‘m so wet baby.” you moaned against his mouth, if anything, after you finished you wanted his lips to be bruised, you wanted everyone to know that he had more than what he needed, you knew your worth. “you make me so wet…”
watching you ride him always struck a line in him. he was always wanting to try new things with you in the bedroom. you two have been through a series of ‘never do agains’ ‘once in a whiles’ and ‘fucking greats’, position wise. though, you were always a riding type of girl, you loved how you could feel every inch of him and even have control of him when you’re on top.
“wan’ you to ride my face this time, princess.” he breathed out as you pull away, gently caressing your skin. his hands travelled the curves of your body, all the way down to the hem of your shorts. tugging them down past your thighs.
you tip off of him to take your shorts off fully, feeling him smack your ass as in indicator to do so. “ride your face ?..” you questioned. you weren’t really sure how to ride someone’s face as you’ve never tried it before, sitting back down on his waist.
he hummed at your shyness, pulling your bottom up to his chest. “you don’ want to ?” “we don’ gotta...” he lazily spoke, not wanting you to feel pressured at all.
“no, no. i mean.. i’m definitely down. i just don’t wanna kill you..” you couldn’t help but worry, you worried about if he’d be able to breathe properly while you sat on his pretty face.
“no baby, i’d live just to die from this pussy. kill me.” he joked kissing your thigh. “wan’ you to suffocate me..” his eyes found yours biting his lip. his sight dripped from your eyes, to your lips, then your boobs, and all the way down to your wetness. he could feel the heat from your core on his bare skin.
you felt so lucky to have someone who constantly praised and worshipped you. he made you feel like a queen, which he so rightfully believed you were one. maybe even a lost princess, ready to claim the throne as yours.
and let’s not lie, you certainly did find one. which looked something like heeseung’s lap— and his face pretty soon.
๑ ๑ ๑
“heeseu.. heeseung !” your hands tugged at the strands of his hair as he licked your slate clean. you were constantly whining. your moans singing a beautiful song to heeseung’s ears.
everytime you found yourself lifting up from his mouth you felt him forcefully pulling you back down. devouring you like a lion to it’s prey. hearing him groan an ‘uhnuhn’ whenever you’d try and lighten the weight you put on his head.
his tongue entered you from time to time, stroking the side of your walls with perfection. “baby, kiwi..” you cried, patting the top of his head. when the safe word slid out of your mouth he immediately stopped.
“did i do something wrong ?” he rubbed your thighs as you shifted on top of him. the bit of worry leaving him once you hovered back over his thirsty mouth.
“mhm.. jus’ wanted to turn around..” you shakily exhaled, feeling him tighten his grip on your ass before he dove back into you.
“taste so good baby..” his hot breath fanned against your sopping core.
you brushed your fingers along his abdomen, pulling his designer briefs down far enough for his bulge to fling out. your hips rotating at just the sight alone.
“hm, no baby, just relax pretty.” he groaned, nibbling on your bud.
“please, hee..” you pleaded, rubbing his length gently.
“no, sit the fuck up.” he pulled your waist, causing you to lean up straight. a pout adorning your lips.
“but, you’re so hard baby..” “looks so good..” you grinded against his mouth once his tongue found your insides again. moaning at your neediness for him.
you felt yourself shaking just at the feel of him kissing your dewy cunt. it was so sloppy and passionate. he kissed your pussy like he loved it. and he did. he could do it for hours without complaining.
“shit.. gonna come..” you breathlessly whined.
“you’re gonna come, hmm? mama ?” he smirked against you licking through each fold. he didn’t wanna waste a single drop of you.
“yeah..” eyes closing shut at the feeling, ready to burst any minute.
“then do it.” he teased your clit, spelling out his name on the tip of your swollen bud. giggling as he could hear you falling apart above him.
“come for me baby.”
he continued praising you, cheering you on every step of the way. your legs were shaking uncontrollably.
“ugh, i’m coming.. right now..” you struggled to even speak, a last stroke of his tongue making your insides tighten. “fuck !”
your body ‘laxed on his. you were breathing heavier than ever. and even felt slight embarrassment for yourself.
“shit princess, you just squirted..” he caressed your shivering ass; licking his cumstache with a ‘good girl.’
“hmmm...”
ヾ(≧▽≦)o
want to read more ?? click here for a part 2 !!
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norrisainz33 · 1 month ago
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ski trip || ln4
☆ summary: annual ski trip with lando, max and p! ft. down bad bf lando
☆ pairing: lando norris x private!nonfamous!reader
☆ fc & warnings: none and suggestive and minor bad language- you are responsible for the content you consume
☆ requested: nope!
゚. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ゚
ynuser has made a post 🔒
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ynuser: and that’s a wrap on the 2024 season! congrats again to the mclaren team and my little gremlin boy 🧡
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landonorris: AWOOOGGAAAAA
ynuser: 😘🤍🫶🏻😔👏🏻🫣🥹
oscarpiastri: i was so scared he was going to drop it
ynuser: you and me both osco
muppet4: AWOOGA THATS MY GIRL
ynuser: not the priv too 😭
muppet4: had to make sure you knew i thought you looked hot
carlossainz55: simp 🫵🏻
ynuser: that’s him your honor
maxfewtrell: did you swipe me one of those ornaments
ynuser: yes multiple dw
lilyzneimer: prettiest girl at the party
ynuser: no baby that was you
oscarpiastri: 🫣
ynuser has posted to their story 🔒
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landonorris: thanks for not posting the strip poker pic 🫣
ynuser: HA i didn’t but i wouldn’t put it past max
maxfewtrell: let’s gooooooo
yourbff: yeeeeee i’m so excited for you
ynuser: eeek me toooooo
pietra.pilao: huge agree 🤍⛷️
ynuser: missed you sm bestie
carlossainz55: where was my invite amiga?
ynuser: mi amigo it was sent but someone said they were busy 🙄
lilyzneimer: wish we were there with you!!! next time 🤍
ynuser: next time pleaseee!! i know i just saw you at the holiday party but my god i already miss you
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maxfewtrell: what about me???
pietra.pilao: what about you?
maxfewtrell: 🙄
ynuser: my girl 🫶🏻🥹😍😘
pietra.pilao: i love you long time
pietra.pilao: can you just move to london with max and i
ynuser: i love you more 🤍 ill work on getting lan to move to london asap 😍
user2: serving so hard it criminal
landonorris: NO!!! that’s the love of MY life!!!!!
pietra.pilao: get in line
landonorris: god dammit i knew i should never have introduced you two
pietra.pilao: bc she likes me more?
landonorris: yes 😔
user1: omg mothers are mothering
yourbff: god i’m so in love with you both
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elmatador55: this angle makes you look tall
muppet4: thanks mate! i grew a few inches 🙂‍↔️
maxfewtrell: can’t believe you made me take this to only post it on the priv ?!
ynuser: i wish we could stay like this in our little snow bubble forever
muppet4: same darling. id love to be able to spend every single second of all my time with you but it makes the time we do have that much sweeter 🤍
ynuser: very true sweet boy
muppet4: plusssss you’re coming to more races next season so it wont be as bad i promise
ynuser: starting my full time wag duties 🫡
oscinha: keepin it pg i see
muppet4: always
m4xlol: my eyes 😭
muppet4: close em 😘
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iamrebeccad: as you SHOULD!
user4: any day that we get y/n crumbs is a good day
ynuser: thanks for the bag baby 😍
landonorris: anything for my world 😘
ynuser: i love you 🤍
landonorris: god say it again
ynuser: i love you forever
landonorris: mm yeah you do
landonorris: i love you too ❤️
maxverstappen1: she deserves it 😩
landonorris: you right 😔
user18: lando can you fight?
yourbff: this is the richest and bougiest thing i’ve ever seen
landonorris: lv in snow is next level
ynuser has made a post 🔒
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ynuser: how lucky i am to live this life with you 🤍
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yourbff: cutie patootie
ynuser: 🥹🤍
carmenmundt: the perfect couple
ynuser: says you and georgie
landonorris: man don’t make me cry
ynuser: ur a cute crier
landonorris: it’s just bc i love you sm
maxverstappen1: he’s the lucky one y/n/n
muppet4: unbelievably lucky mate
maxverstappen1: 👏🏻
pietra.pilao: snow angel 🫶🏻
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landonorris: would give anything for break to never end
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maxfewtrell: heard the real estate prices are cheaper here than monaco
pietra.pilao: no it’s better in london pls
ynuser: yes lando london is quite nice this time of year i hear
landonorris: yeah no it’s not y/n
maxfewtrell: it’s actually horrible this time of year
user12: god you two are perfect
user23: Y/N CRUMBS YEEEEEE
ynuser: you and that puppy makes me want a puppy
landonorris: i can make that happen
ynuser: 👀🫵🏻🐶
mclarenf1: going to pretend we didn’t see this! you gotta get back on track soon!
user24: y/n is literally so gorgeous how did he bag such a baddie
user19: if my man don’t post me like this i don’t want him
゚. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ゚
a/n: thanks for reading!! likes and reblogs appreciated 🫶🏻
゚. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ゚
disclaimer: pictures are not mine and everything i write is fiction
© norrisainz33 || please do not rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform
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mminghaos · 12 days ago
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best friend seungcheol whom you have a crush on, but never told him. he doesn't know it either and y'all just bicker all the time as bsf, one day all of it changes when you finally say you found a match on some dating app. he realises it and bam! hot and heavy shit go down.
bitter crush , choi seungcheol x f!reader
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SYPNOSIS: your bestfriend doesn’t know you’ve had a crush on him for years, but when you mention matching with someone on a dating app, everything changes.
WARNINGS: smut, fingering, kissing, teasing, mingyu as the failed date lmfao
requests are open, do send some in!!
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you’ve been friends with seungcheol since high school, watching each other grow up — first jobs, first kisses, and everything in between, sticking together through the highs and lows. your friendship is built on bickering and teasing each other like it’s second nature. but now, the bickering feels different.
“i matched with someone on that app i told you about,” you say, placing your coffee down on the wooden table of the café you and seungcheol are sitting at.
you’d decided to give a dating app a shot, hoping it would help you take your mind off seungcheol. maybe meeting someone new will help you move on, or at least distract you from the constant thoughts about him. but so far, it’s just more of the same — swiping, chatting, but none of its ever seemed to match the energy you share with him. you might as well move on, since seungcheol has is own hookups and girlfriends, and none of them will ever be you. its frustrating, the way this burning crush for him is always shimmering beneath the surface, gnawing at you. this is going to be the death of you — that’s what you always tell yourself.
“so you’re telling me you’re out here swiping on strangers?” he responds, his voice laced with something you can’t quite place. “what happened to the whole ‘not needing anyone’ thing?”
“it changed.”
“really? that’s weird.” he says, his eyes never leaving you. “thought you were too busy to deal with anyone new.”
you roll your eyes, trying to brush it off. “yeah, well, apparently im not as busy as i thought.”
you’ve never been the type to casually date or get involved with someone just for the sake of it. but lately, things feel different. seungcheol’s always been there — constant, reliable, and annoyingly perfect in his own way — and it’s hard to ignore how your thoughts always circle back to him, no matter how many times you try to push them away. you’ve never said it out loud, never let him in on the truth of how much he’s been occupying your mind, and the idea of dating someone else? it almost feels like a joke. you’re not really here for some random guy who doesn’t know you like he does. but the more you try to distract yourself, the more you realize how little it helps. no matter how many matches you get, no conversation ever seems to compare to the effortless back and forth you share with seungcheol. it’s like you’re chasing something that doesn’t quite exist, and each swipe only makes you feel more frustrated. but you can’t exactly admit that, not to him, not to anyone. so you keep trying, hoping maybe this time will be different, even though you know deep down it won’t be.
“so, who’s this guy?”
you shrug, trying to keep your voice steady. “kim mingyu. he’s nice. we’ve met a few times before, actually — works at that bar down the street.”
seungcheol leans back in his chair, his arms crossed as he watched you. he clears his throat. “just don’t pick some random guy who doesn’t get you, alright?”
“what, are you jealous or something?”
“no.”
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the date with mingyu went well. you two got along really great — there was no shortage of conversation, and the chemistry was comfortable. you both enjoyed the meal and found common ground in ways that made the evening feel lighthearted and easy. it was nice, actually, to just relax and enjoy someone’s company without any pressure.
even if the date was good, you and mingyu both agreed that you should just be friends, neither of you feeling the sparks you were hoping for.
you walk into your apartment, slipping off your shoes and placing your keys under the mat. its quiet, the only sound being the soft hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. you head towards the living room, where seungcheol is sprawled on your couch, sorting through the groceries he offered to pick up for you earlier this week.
“you’re back early,” he says, glancing up with a smirk. “thought you were gonna be out all night with your… date.”
you roll your eyes, not really in the mood to talk about it. “it was fine,” you reply, shrugging as you drop your purse on the counter. “nothing special.”
seungcheol raises an eyebrow, clearly not convinced. “really?”
you let out a breath, trying to sound casual. “yeah, well, turns out i’m not as interested as i thought.”
he tilts his head, looking at you like he’s trying to figure you out. “what do you mean?”
you hesitate, leaning against the kitchen counter, fingers tapping against the countertop. “we got along, i guess. but we just decided to be friends.”
“huh.” seungcheol shrugs, clearly unconcerned, though there’s something in the way he watches you that makes you pause. “so you’re saying you don’t feel any connection with him at all?”
you shift, rubbing the back of your neck. “it’s just… not there. but whatever. i’m fine.”
“you sure?” seungcheol presses, his voice dropping an octave, and you can’t help but notice how close he’s sitting now. “because i’m sure someone else would love the chance to—”
“ugh, please.” you cut him off, trying to brush it off. “i don’t need some random guy to be interested.”
he smirks, clearly not buying it. “really? sounds like you do.”
you bite your lip, trying to hold onto your patience, but it’s slipping through your fingers. you know he’s teasing, and usually, you’d laugh it off, but tonight feels different. there’s a tension in the air that you can’t ignore, something that’s been building for years. frustration bubbles up inside you, and before you can stop yourself, the words spill out.
“cheol, i like you, okay?” you blurt out, your voice trembling slightly, surprised by how easily it all comes rushing out.
he pauses, his eyes narrowing slightly as he processes your words. there’s a moment of silence, and you feel like you’re about to suffocate under the weight of it. his gaze flickers to your face, then down to your hands, then back to your eyes, as if trying to figure out what’s really going on.
“wait,” he says slowly, his tone less playful and more cautious now. “you’re not drunk, are you? had drinks or something when you were out?”
you quickly shake your head, trying to steady your breath. “no, i’m not drunk. i just—” but the words feel clumsy on your tongue, and suddenly, you’re unsure of how to take them back.
“i shouldn’t have said that,” you mutter, your cheeks burning with embarrassment. “this was stupid, i’m sorry. i don’t even know why i—”
you start rambling, trying to downplay the confession that’s just slipped out. each word feels like it’s digging you deeper, and you just want to take it all back. “i mean, i don’t even know what i was thinking—this is—god, i’m so—”
but before you can finish, seungcheol pushes himself off the couch and walks towards you, stopping just a few inches away. his eyes still lock on yours. the silence stretches, and you feel your heart race, your breath catching in your throat. you want to say something, to apologize again, but all the words are caught in your chest.
“stop,” he says softly, his voice low, but there’s an intensity in it that you can’t ignore.
you open your mouth, wanting to explain, to take back the awkward confession, but the words jumble in your mind. “it’s just… i didn’t want to make it weird, and now i’ve probably ruined everything—”
seungcheol doesn’t say anything, just watches you with an unreadable look in his eyes, waiting for you to stop rambling. you go on anyway, trying to explain yourself, even though you can feel yourself getting more flustered with each passing second.
before you can continue, he steps forward, his hand gently cupping your face, cutting off your words. you freeze, eyes wide, but before you can process anything, his lips crash onto yours, effectively silencing you.
the kiss is deep and urgent, like he’s been holding back too. your brain barely registers what’s happening as your hands instinctively move to his chest, but the tension that had been building between you both for so long snaps. everything goes quiet in your mind, and for the first time tonight, all the chaos and nerves fall away, replaced by the heat of his kiss.
the kiss lingers for a moment, intense and raw, as if neither of you wants to pull away. your breath mingles with his, the world around you blurring until there’s only the feeling of him so close, so real. your heart pounds in your chest, each beat echoing in your ears, and you can feel the tension in his body as he holds you just a bit tighter, as if he’s afraid you might slip away.
when he finally pulls back, you’re left breathless, your forehead resting against his as you both try to catch your breath. his hands are still on you, one gently holding your face, the other resting on your hip, grounding you.
“you really don’t make things easy, do you?” he murmurs, his voice a little hoarse, the teasing edge back in his tone, but it’s softer now, more affectionate.
you don’t trust yourself to speak right away. all the words that had been stuck in your chest before are now lost, replaced by the overwhelming feeling of him so close, his touch still lingering on your skin. instead, you look up at him, meeting his eyes, trying to make sense of everything, but before you can say anything, he smiles slightly, a genuine, soft expression.
“i didn’t realise how much i liked you until you told me about that guy,” he admits, brushing his thumb over your cheek gently. “i was too stupid to notice.”
you dont get to reply because his hand moves down your back, pulling you closer, your chest pressed against his. the room feels warmer now, charged with something you can't ignore. your hands find their way to his chest, pushing lightly at first, unsure if you should pull away or let it happen. but he doesn't give you that chance.
his lips return to yours, but this time, there's more urgency in it, his kiss deepening as his tongue brushes against yours. you let out a soft sigh, the tension that's been building between you two for what feels like forever finally snapping. he groans, his hand moving to your neck, holding you in place as he deepens the kiss further. the heat between you both grows, and you can feel every inch of him pressing against you, making your pulse quicken.
seungcheol's voice is low, almost a whisper as he takes a step back, hands resting on your waist, grounding you both. "do you want to keep going?" he asks.
you nod, your heart racing, but your mind is clear. “yes.”
he doesn't say anything more, just nods and gently takes your hand, leading you through the apartment. when you get to your room, he lays you down on the bed gently, his hands never leaving you.
seungcheol hovers over you, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation, any sign that you’re unsure. you can feel his body close to yours, the warmth radiating off him. “are you sure?”
“yes, cheol.” you let out a light laugh, pulling him closer. “im sure.”
his lips trail down your jaw, each kiss softer than the last before he moves to your neck, his teeth grazing slightly over the skin. you let out a soft sigh once he pulls back after reaching where your shirt starts. before he can say anything, you’re reaching for the hem of your shirt, pulling the fabric over your head.
seungcheol takes a moment, his gaze lingering on you before meeting your eyes again.
“you’re so beautiful,” he says, unclasping your bra and slipping it off. “god.”
his hands find their way to your pants as he trails kisses down your chest, each one growing more desperate as his lips move lower. the warmth of his breath against your skin sends a shiver through you, and you can feel your heart race with every gentle press of his lips.
eventually, he pulls your pants off, discarding them somewhere on the floor behind him. “please.” you breathe out
“hmm?” he responds, his fingers slipping just under the band of your panties. “what do you want, baby?”
“need you inside me, please.”
he glances down at you, lips twitching up into a smirk. “patience.”
“no, no, no— cheol, please—” you whimper out.
“don’t worry, you’ll get what you want.” he cuts you off, pressing a light kiss to your collarbone.
when he finally stops teasing you and pulls your panties down, tossing them god knows where, you’re already a mess underneath him. every nerve in your body is on edge, anticipation building as he slides two fingers through your folds. “fuck, you’re soaking wet for me, baby.” a low groan escapes his lips, his restraint wavering as he fights to hold himself back.
he slowly pushes one finger into your pussy, giving you a moment to relax before he adds another and starts to curl them into all the right places.
“cheol!” your head falls back against the pillow, hand going to grab his wrist for some sort of stability.
“yeah, you like that?”
you’re already so close — just from the way his fingers move inside you, hitting every spot that sends sparks shooting througu your body.
you nod over and over again, hips rising to match the rhythm of his movements. “don’t stop— fuck— please, im so close.” 
your breath hitches, and you clutch at his arm, desperate for grounding as the sensations overwhelm you. every stroke of his fingers feels like its pulling you closer to the brink, and the tension in your body winds tighter with each passing second. “please—” the word slips out as a whisper, barely audible. your legs start to shake, the pleasure coursing through you almost too much to bear.
before you can even warn seungcheol, you’re coming undone all over his fingers, hips bucking up at the same time.
“god, thats so hot.” he mutters, but you’re too out of it to know if its to you or himself.
"you alright?" seungcheol asks softly, his hand resting on your hip as he looks down at you with concern. his touch is gentle, almost hesitant, as if he's checking for any sign of discomfort.
you nod, your breath still ragged, a soft smile tugging at your lips. "yeah, i'm good. just... didn't expect that." your voice is breathy, the lingering effects of the moment still making your body tingle.
seungcheol smirks, clearly pleased with the reaction. "you sure you're not too overwhelmed?" he teases, his hand moving to brush a strand of hair out of your face.
you laugh softly, the sound shaky but genuine. "im fine" you reply, looking up at him with a playful glint in your eye. "was that your way of saying you like me too?"
“it was.” he smirks, eyes locking onto yours. “think you can go for one more round?”
he really is going to be the death of you.
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yieldtotemptation · 26 days ago
Text
WISH ft. Giselle
giselle x male reader smut
8k words
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"It's a Christmas miracle!" —is how Giselle chooses to make her grand entrance, swinging open the door to your bar, a fresh powder of snow dusting her shoulders. She shrugs it off. "My favourite person in all of Seoul."
You deadpan, "That's very concerning."
She laughs off your quip with the same ease that she does everything else. Sways her hips, saunters over to you, fire engine-red heels clacking against wood as she rushes to take her usual stool. Not like she'd have to fight anyone for it, there's no one else here.
Besides, even if there were—it's always been hers.
You're sliding over her drink before she can even open her mouth to order, because that's what you do for her. Anticipate. Your job in a nutshell, really. Knowing what she wants.
Her thanks is in the blush colouring her cheeks, flushing them a rosy pink, matching her hair in hue.
Just so immediately pretty.
She raises the drink, grinning at you through the glass. Gets a little too dramatic with her gasp.
"Exactly what I wished for! How did you know?"
"Made a list, checked it twice."
That earns you a giggle, has Giselle leaning forward, propping an elbow on the bar, chin in her palm. Her usual routine—just sitting there, all beautiful and flirty and really, really fucking out of place amongst the dim lighting and worn-out leather.
And yeah, you’ve committed it all to memory, seen it in every light and shadow; the smoky liner ringing around her eyes, the gloss that makes her lips look shiny and sweet and oh so soft. The absolutely devastating smile that never seems to leave her—only gets wider, warmer, parting when she laughs and slaps a hand on the table, or lands it on your forearm.
Accidentally, of course.
"Does that mean I get to sit on your lap later?"
It’s a touch early for her to throw out bait so blatantly. That’s more of a three-drinks-in kind of thing.
Still, your mouth answers for you before your brain can catch up, “Depends if you've been naughty or nice.”
“I think we both know the answer to that one,” she says, far too casually for you to handle, daring you to let that thought linger. Let it rattle around your head with all the other loaded thoughts involving her in various states of undress and in all sorts of compromising positions—underneath, on-top, kneeling. Thoughts that are better kept on a tight leash.
Because you know what would happen if you were to give in to them.
How you’d reach over the bar separating the two of you, pull her onto the counter. Send all the glasses, the bottles, crashing to the floor, and just kiss that smile right off her face, right here, right now. Tear off her clothes and leave her bare and exposed to the cold December air, make her yours, fuck her absolutely senseless. Render her nothing but a victim to your fingers, your lips, your cock, to all the need that’s been boiling inside you over the past months and—fuck.
She's got you good.
There's no point in pretending like it hasn't been this way since the first time she found you—at the end of an alley that's at the end of another alley, down the stairs and into the underground proper. Waltzing her way into the hovel that is your whiskey bar; all for reasons that you’re yet to fully untangle.
Months of performing this same dance—it's late, she walks in, typically perfect and bouncy, like some half-remembered fantasy or a libido-driven hallucination. Only, she must be real, because there’s no way you could ever conjure up someone like her.
It's embarrassing, you really should be far more used to it now, built up at least a partial immunity to her brand of charm. But somehow, she still finds a way under your skin. You’re only human, after all. And she’s… she’s Giselle.
Undeniably, in-your-face gorgeous, Giselle.
Dead-set and determined to throw herself at you until you break.  
"Perfect," is her evaluation when she's taken her first sip. It plays out like it’s been choreographed: she licks her lips, flashes that million-dollar smile, lets loose a sigh of pure joy. Looks at you all wide-eyed and impressed; like you're the only person in the world who's ever given her exactly what she wants. Like she doesn't already live in a reality where everyone else falls flat on their faces to ensure that the needs of Aeri Uchinaga are met. “Always perfect.”
And you have your own steps to follow. You're glued to the pulse in the curve of her neck, the gentle slope of her shoulders, the naked collarbone when she shirks off her coat to reveal tits that are much too ample for her dress to contain. All these little things that make her so fucking distracting.
She says, surreptitiously, "You know, I didn't think you'd be open today."
"And yet you came anyway."
"And yet I did."
There's the loaded insinuation stacked on top of her words like a teasing question mark:
('I came looking for you.'
'I was waiting.')
"Like I said, a Christmas miracle," Giselle repeats, softly this time. Barely audible over the Christmas tunes you’ve got on a loop, some self-inflicted torture you’re wreaking on yourself for purposes unknown. Maybe to get into the spirit of things. Maybe to keep the silence at bay. Maybe to make Giselle's efforts feel less effective.
It doesn't work.
It does, however, have you leaning in just to hear her better, and that's a mistake right there. Getting too close that you can follow the lines of the dress she's picked out for the night. A sheer black, strapless number that hugs her figure close, dipping at her chest, giving you just enough of a glimpse to send the alarm bells ringing.
Ending short of the tops of her thighs, because of course she's wearing stockings, and of course they have tiny little bows holding them up, and you're already thinking about how easy it would be to get your teeth in them and pull them apart, and the walls are starting to feel closer and closer with each passing second.
But you don't say anything. You just try to remember to breathe. You chance a look back at her face, aiming for unaffected.
Her eyes instantly undo you.
Giselle uncrosses and crosses her legs. The stockings stretch.
"Like what you see?"
Now seems like an optimal time to pour yourself a drink. Something strong to fortify the weakness in your knees, to maybe bolster the resolve that's threatening to crack like the ice frosting over the windows outside.
You grab a glass, pour a good measure of whiskey and throw it back without even bothering with the usual ritual. You need it. The burn is a good distraction.
You turn her question back on her. Shame on her for asking something so obvious. "What do you think?"
"I think," Giselle smiles, tilts her head, that curtain of bubblegum-pink cascading over her collarbone and down onto the bar, "That it appears that all the effort I put getting into this tight fucking dress was worth it."
You're unable to stop yourself from saying, "Don’t need the dress if that was the intention." It slips out of you, like an idiot, and you decide to busy yourself by pouring two more drinks, because you really don't know what the fuck else to do at this point.
“Duly noted,” she says, likely adding it to some mental file she keeps on you. Ways to get you to drop your guard. Ways to get under your skin. “But don’t you think unwrapping presents are half the fun?”
You’re rolling your eyes, it’s too much, but Giselle’s too good at this whole thing. Got the two of you sliding deep into the easy rhythm of conversation you've found yourselves in many, many times before; when it's just you and her in the waning hours of the night and you're finding excuses not to close up and she's finding excuses to stay.
And the drinks just compound on it even more. All the alcohol really seems to do is blunt her filter and dull your better instincts, bringing you both to that tipsy point where everything that comes out of your mouths can’t help but sound like shameless innuendos; all terrible ideas that you both absolutely must indulge in.
Talking and flirting and drinking until you’re finally crossing that invisible line drawn over the counter of your bar, forgetting about that ethereal wall of separation that keeps you on the straight and narrow; that would normally stop you from doing things like reaching over and brushing a strand of pink out of her face and over her ear.
You keep your hand there, your thumb padding the soft skin of her cheek. She leans into your palm.
“So,” she says, and it’s accompanied by the kind of pause that holds a whole universe of possibility. She takes a sip of her third drink of the night, her eyes fixated on you, studying the lines on your face. Trying to find the cracks.
“So.”
“Why haven’t you made a move on me?”
She might as well have gathered snow from outside your door and thrown it right at your face. You blink, the warmth of the whiskey in your cheeks fading fast. “Very confident of you to think that I would want to.”
“Don’t dodge,” she chides. “We both know you didn’t open tonight for the amazing business rush. So. Spill. Why?"
You’re about to spout off an excuse—something about a Hippocratic oath, or bartender-customer privilege, but Giselle cuts your lie short before it can even leave your throat.
“You’ve been staring at me like you want to eat me alive every night I’ve been here, and you expect me to believe you’re not interested?” Giselle leans closer, her breath warm on your hand. Her eyes piercing through, stripping away every defence you’ve ever had. “You’re barely hiding it you know? How badly you want me.”
There’s an implicit challenge underneath her words. You get the message loud and clear:
Don’t you know how badly I want you too?
"It's—" you start, before course correcting when you catch the smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. You swirl the whiskey around in your own glass, watching the amber liquid catch the light and dance. "Complicated."
"Oh really?" Giselle's eyes light up at that, and you're beginning to feel like you're falling into some trap she's set up. It just hasn’t revealed itself to you yet. "I like complicated. I live off complicated."
"I'll bet," you reply, not missing the fact that she's now taken your hand into hers, threading her fingers through yours. "Probably why you're here so often."
Giselle clicks her tongue, runs it across her lips. You'd die for a taste. "I thought I asked you to stop dodging. But, if you really want to know, I come here because I like the company," she explains, before ending her thought with, "and the attention."
"Because being an idol doesn't give you enough?"
"Not in the way I want it."
"And I do?"
"Not yet," she says, with an air of finality. "But give it time."
The silence stretches between you, thick with the weight of the unspoken. The air in the bar feels charged, like the moment before a storm hits. You're reading her, acutely aware of the things running through her mind, because you can see it in her eyes, because they're the exact same thoughts that’s never left yours.
You want her.
You need her.
She’ll give herself to you.
Giselle’s the first to break the pause. “Ask me.”
“Ask you what?”
The corners of eyes crinkle ever so slightly, and that's about where you realise your fate's been sealed from the start. She takes a deep breath, her chest rising and falling. You’re aching already. "What I really want for Christmas."
You don't need a map to know where this is headed. But you still ask anyway. "And what is that?"
"You."
You set down your glass with a clink. "Look, Giselle—"
"Let me finish," she interrupts, and now her hand's sliding up your arm, leaving a trail of static wherever she touches. "For Christmas this year, all I want is for you to do whatever you want to me."
A second attempt, "Giselle—"
"I know you want to. You know I want you to. We've danced around this for too long and I'm running out of ways to subtly tell you that if I don’t get my hands on that perfect cock that I know you're hiding, I just might burn this place to the ground. So," she says carefully, intentionally. Making sure you feel each word coursing through your every nerve ending, winding their way down to your cock, until you’re throbbing in your pants.
Giselle bats her eyelashes. Bites her lip. Leans even closer. Her tits get very close to winning the war against her dress.
"Don't you want to make my Christmas wish come true?"
You never stood a chance. "I do quite like my bar in one piece."
"I do too." Giselle's smile turns devilish. “But I like the idea of having your cum inside me more.”
"Then we better get you out of your clothes."
Only, a slight amendment.
"But keep the stockings on."
Giselle kisses you like a woman starved. Messy, sloppy crashes that has her nose bumping into yours and her teeth finding purchase in your lip. She seems determined to leave her mark. You’re more than happy to let her.
It’s a far cry from what you’re used to—the build-up, the slow crescendo where you both pretend that you don’t immediately want to jump to the inevitable—but Giselle clearly doesn’t give a fuck about any of that.
The moment you’ve dragged her over the bar, fulfilled your fantasy and cleared the countertop so the only thing standing between you and her body is the crumpled mess of her dress, she's on you. Moaning, whining into your mouth, desperate. Tongue hunting down yours, pressing into it, trying to wrestle it into submission.
Taking your cheeks into her hands, holding firm, the only thing keeping her steady as you match her hunger, heat against heat. Her taste is everything you've ever wanted—sweet and sharp, like the whiskey burning through your veins, warming you from the inside out.
"God, I needed this," she whispers in the breaths between your kisses, as your hands get adventurous and run down the length of her spine, pulling her closer into you.
You make good on your promise, finding the zip, peeling it down, leaving the fabric to sag off her shoulders. Her skin is cold underneath your fingertips, the curve of her back breaking out in goosebumps. Your touch makes her arch, her back bow, her breasts push up against her dress until it can't hang on any longer and the whole thing pools around her waist.
“Merry Christmas to me,” comes tumbling out of your mouth when you finally get to appreciate Giselle.
The full, round tits, naked and begging for your hands. The smooth curve of her waist, the dip of her stomach. The way her hips flare out, giving way to thighs that you know, just know, will be the perfect grip. And the stockings. Holding up the suspension of your disbelief—she’s so ridiculously out of your league and yet so, so needy for you.
“Fucking gorgeous, Giselle,” you’re telling her, making her sigh, her eyes closing shut as you reach out to fill your hand with her chest. Your touch makes her nipples pebble, stiffen underneath your thumb. She leans back, pushing her chest out even more, giving you as much of herself as she can for you to touch, to tweak, to worship.
And she’s so much smaller than you, so much softer than you’ve ever allowed yourself to believe. The reality of her in your arms is far more intense than any fantasy you’ve ever concocted in the quiet of the night after she’s long gone and left you with nothing but her memory. But she’s giving herself to you now, wanting you to do it all.
Letting you push into her, kiss the skin between her neck and her clavicle, press into her a brand that will linger long after you’ve both unwinded and unraveled each other.
“Just like that,” Giselle whispers in your ear, hands finding your neck, needing you even closer still. “Don’t stop, just keep touching me. You can do whatever you want—tell me what you want, and I’ll do it. Just don’t stop.”
Nothing else to do but oblige, to give in to your baser instincts, to bring every fantasy, every lurid thought to life. Giselle’s been living in your mind rent-free. Filled it with thoughts of fucking her into oblivion again and again—so you already know exactly where to go, what to do next.
You know to trace the edge of her stocking with your thumb, pressing down on the bow, watching as the skin around it flushes from your touch.
You know to drag your hand up, higher up her thighs, push the hem of her dress to her waist, slip under the elastic of her panties and hold itself there. Leave her trembling in anticipation of your touch.
“Please,” you’ve barely started and she’s already begging, breathless. Needing for you to explore her.
But first, you need to tell her how.
“I’m going to touch you,” you say, voice gruff, and she shudders, her hands tightening around your neck. “I’m going to get my fingers into your cunt, I’m going to squeeze your tits, I’m going to make you scream my name, and you will, because you’re going to be such a good girl for me. Understood?”
Her eyes flash open, meeting yours. Not an ounce of doubt. Just pure need.
“Yes,” she says. A single word that’s more a plea than a response. “Please. Do whatever you want. Make me feel good.”
She just about collapses when you yank her panties down and push your hands between her thighs.
“God—fuck—” and she’s sobbing already.
“You’re so drenched,” you’re remarking, sliding your fingers higher, feeling the wetness that’s been gathering there for who knows how long.
“For you,” she’s gasping, repeating herself, “For you.”
It’s so easy to find the heat of her, to push in and down on the top her mound. Give just the right amount of pressure on her clit that makes her jerk. Makes the muscles in her face twitch, her mouth open wide and moan. It’s a melody in your ears, and you press down harder, swirling now, and you’re beginning to think you’ve found your true calling.
Fuck making her drinks; making her fall apart is why you were put on this planet in the first place.
Her breasts jiggle with every tremble that runs through her, flickering in reach of you, taunting you with their bounce. You can’t help but lean down. Not when they’re calling to you like that.
You lick a path from the base of her neck to her collarbone, and then lower, to one of those perfect peaks that’s been begging for your attention.
Giselle inhales sharp through her teeth, her chest heaving as you start to suck on her nipple. You work your tongue around it, roll it in your mouth until her knuckles turn white against the edge of the bar, her nails digging into surface. The sounds she’s making, these choked gasps that are so raw, so needy.
Showing how good she feels with every part of her body—pushing her breasts up and into your face, her hands tangling in your hair, legs spreading wider, thighs shaking at the effort of staying upright.
You don’t let up, keep going—tongue swirling, fingers moving at double-time over her cunt, her other tit.
Listening to her turn your name into something filthy, something that sounds like a curse.
You pull back off her, cool air kissing the wetness you leave behind, making her quiver, her high, fuck-me heels knocking against wood.
“Giselle,” you say, taking in this look of bliss on her face. The teary eyes, the trembling lip, her cheeks now so very red. “Gonna make you cum now.”
You don’t wait for permission. You already have it. You step forward, lifting her legs up and trapping her atop the bar, spreading her wide open.
Two fingers at first, all at once, no hesitation. Giselle’s pupils blow wide, shocked, teeth bite down on her bottom lip, muffling a cry that you feel in the pit of your stomach. She’s so soaked that you slide right in with ease, a slow push that makes her whine, the slickness making the sounds of your fucking echo over the din of the empty bar.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck—” Giselle stutters, all breathy and desperate. Hands flying to your shoulders, nails digging in. Holding on for dear life, writhing as your fingers curl upwards, pushing up against that magical spot inside that has her clenching.
“Such a good girl,” you say, the words slipping out of your mouth like they’ve always been there, just waiting for her to hear them.
The whimper that she makes—the noise alone should be illegal.
“So tight around me,” you tell her, pushing on, focusing entirely on pulling more of these noises from her, doing your best to ignore how hard you already are, how unbearable it is to not be inside her. “So good for me.”
It’s the praise that makes her keen, makes her whine. Pushes herself onto your fingers, trying to get more, trying to get all of you. Just so fucking hot for you.
You can see it playing out across her body, the way she’s losing herself to the pleasure, giving up control of her own functions to you.  So helpless, so beautiful. So fucking delighted to finally have you using her in ways she’s only dreamt of.
You’ve never seen anything like it. You’re addicted before you’ve even had her.
“This cunt is going to feel so good around my cock.”
Giselle's nodding, slurring together a string of yeses and thank yous in response.
Her pussy’s pulsing around your fingers, juices soaking your hand, she’s already so close. So close that you can almost taste the orgasm on her skin.
“You want it so fucking bad, don’t you, Giselle? Want me to fuck you senseless.”
Her eyes are glazed over, barely there. Just stunningly beautiful even in the midst of her desire, and you’re not even sure she’s heard you at all until she’s panting out, “I want it. Need it. So much. Oh, God, please, fuck me with your cock. Make me cum. Make me scream.”
But you get in close, lips to her cheek, a command for only her to hear. “You’re going to cum all over my hand. You’re going to show me how badly you want it. Understand?”
“Yes—yes, please—” is the most she can manage, a harsh whisper that barely gets through. You feel it more than hear it, a shiver running through her, down her spine and up yours. “Do it. Give me more, I need it.”
She’s nothing short of incredible. Writhing under your touch, losing herself to your fingers—there’s never been anything—anyone—like this. Anyone that runs this hot,  that pleads this much, that is so eager for nothing but you, as much of you as you can give.
There’s no excuse for why it's taken so long to get here, why you let every other opportunity skate by. But now’s not the time for regrets. This is all just catch-up. Getting to this moment that’s been burning a hole in your mind. Making up for all the times when you should’ve been bringing her to her knees, should've been marking her up as yours.
“Mine,” you’re claiming, taking her lips once more, feeling the tremble in her chin. “You’re going to be mine, aren’t you?”
“Yours,” her voice quavers back into your mouth.
She kisses you back like she’s drowning, like you’re the very air she needs to breathe. And it’s all you can do to finger-fuck her faster, pressing deeper into her wetness. It’s filthy, borderline disrespectful the way that you’re owning her now. But it’s all necessary, if that’s what it’s going to take to get to feel her shatter in your arms.
But just as you can feel her hips bucking up off the counter and into your wrist, as she’s about to tip over the edge, you pull back, breaking the kiss, leaving her choking for air.
“Look at me,” you tell her, forcing her glassy eyes to refocus, to snap to yours. “I’m going to make you feel so good. You’re going to cum so hard for me. You’re going to look at me when you do.”
Giselle opens her mouth answer, but all that comes out is a whiny mewl when you slide your other hand from her tits to the back of her neck, pulling her into you, hard enough that you can feel her pulse drumming against your palm.
“That’s it, such a good girl,” you say to her, adorning her with all these sweet words that absolutely wreck her. And it’s so easy to because all of them fit. Your good girl, your slut, your baby, your whore. She deserves to hear them all. “Take it, take it all for me.”
“Fuck, please, I’m almost—” She tries and fails to put the syllables together—your fingers are too good, too precise in their frenzy. Playing her body, hitting every key, every beat, rushing to that final chorus.
And then it hits her, without warning, just a sigh and then she’s—
“I'm—I'm—cumming!”
Eyes trying to stay on yours, losing focus, turning wild, until she’s barely even there anymore.
Giselle cums.
Locking her in place, rippling across her body. Every muscle tensing, cunt quivering, hips lifting off the bar as her juices paint your hand.
“Thank you, thank you, fucking thank you—"
Her voice dies out, trapped in her throat, her words becoming nonsense as your fingers have her riding waves. You’re utterly transfixed, watching the orgasm rip across her face, melting her down to a messy puddle. Barely hanging on to you, mouth lolling open, eyes screwed shut, breaths coming in sharp and fast.
She’s limbless, her body goes slack, and you debate giving her the space, or even just a second to catch her breath, to come back to reality.
But you just don’t.
You don’t stop moving, don’t stop working her, because something tells you that the last thing she’d want is for you to stop. Something tells you that she’s one of those girls—the ones who love to chase the high. Who love to be pushed, who love to be told that they’re doing so well, that they’re perfect.
And Giselle is.
“Again,” you press into her neck, and she gives you the closest approximation to a nod that she can muster. “Again and again, I’ll make you cum until you can’t walk straight. Until you forget what it was ever like to not have my cock inside you.”
The nods come faster, insistent, following a whine as your fingers slide out of her cunt, all sticky with her juices. You bring it up to her, hold it in front of her face so she can see the mess she’s made of your hand.
Her breath hitches when she opens her eyes, catching sight of your glistening digits. You don’t even need to prompt her; she takes the initiative—she’s sucking your fingers without a second thought.
Moans when she tastes herself, sucking them clean, tongue flicking across your knuckles, pulling them into her mouth, relishing her own flavour.
“So fucking needy for it, aren’t you?”
You withdraw your fingers, enjoying the cry of protest at the loss, but you’ve got better plans for her. Pressing a kiss to her temple, before backing off completely, leaving Giselle empty, her legs wobbly.
You're quick to lose your clothes, stripping yourself off without much ceremony, tossing them aside with little care for where they end up.
And yet Giselle’s eyes rake over you, following your every move—she’s seen you before, you’ve caught her staring at your arms, your biceps, making no secret of assaulting you with her gaze at any chance she can get.
But now it’s the unbuckling of your belt, the vanishing of your jeans, the reveal of your cock. Springing free, hard and heavy.
Giselle wants it. Mouth salivating, pussy leaking at the sight of it. Oh, how she wants it.
It gives her energy, has her reaching out for a touch, a stroke. But you stop her, gently taking her wrist into your hand before she can make her Christmas wish come true.
She even has the audacity to pout. “Haven’t I been good?”
“Good?” You repeat, and you’re laughing. “You’ve been downright angelic.”
The pout quirks into a smirk, and there’s that familiar mischievous spark returning. “Then don't I deserve a little reward?” Giselle’s fingers go to her folds, spreading them apart. Putting her cunt on display, proud to show off how ready she is to be filled. “Like that big, beautiful cock of yours in my perfect little pussy?”
You don’t bother with the usual finesse, there’s no need for that. This doesn’t land anywhere on the normal spectrum of casual hook-ups to making love. This is about fucking. About need, raw and unfiltered.
“So, would you please—"
You’re yanking her by the waist before she can get started, lifting her off the bar and setting her down in front of you. There’s that thrill rushing through her, at being so easily handled, so effortlessly claimed.
She’s panting, breaths fogging up the air between you, waiting for your instruction.
“Get rid of the dress.”
Her compliance is instant—she steps out of her outfit, her panties. Until she’s just standing before you; the charm, the sex appeal, the big beautiful eyes all in view, so full of hope and desperation for the special kind of bliss only you can provide her.
Just Giselle, her fucking gift of a body in a pair of tight black stockings and high stiletto heels.
“Now,” you say, tilting your hips forward, your cock jabbing into her stomach, pressing a stamp of need into her skin. Giselle preens at the contact, practically vibrating at your touch. One more thing— “Beg.”
“Fuck me,” she says. Simply, honestly. With every ounce of her soul. “Fuck me good. Take me. Please. I need it. I need to feel you inside me. I’ve been dreaming of this, of you fucking me just like this, so—please, make it real.”
“Begging’s a good look on you, Giselle,” you murmur, finishing the rest of the thought in your head. ‘You're going to be doing a lot more of it tonight.’
She yelps when you flip her over, force her to brace herself against the bar. Her lovely ass high up in the air, her pussy drooling onto the floor.
You don't bother warning her.
You stuff your cock into her.
She fucking screams.
So wet, so slippery. Sliding in and out of her, forcing her cunt to mould itself too you. So fucking tight that you have to bite back a groan, have to fight the urge to just pound into her, to fuck her into the counter.
But there's still a pace you're setting, a rhythm that’s not quite as frantic as her needy cries. You’re in no hurry, not yet. You want to savour this. The feel of her clenching around you, the way her back arches with every thrust, her palms slapping against the bar top, leaving little smudges of sweat behind.
“God, this—” Giselle tries, but finds herself lost for words, unable to properly articulate just how good it feels to have you inside her. But the noises she makes—whimpers and gasps and moans and groans—speak volumes.
You complete the thought for her— “You fucking love this, don’t you?” You’re grunting, pressing your body to hers, nipping at her ear. Slurring these dirty thoughts like they're sweet nothings, these words of pure filth into her neck. “Love being fucked like this. Been waiting for it for so long. So goddamn desperate for it that you can’t even fucking talk.”
She’s fucking amazing. Not just the feeling—hot and tight and perfect—it’s the way she moves with you. Pure pleasure ricocheting through her, the slap of her ass against your hips, the sway of her tits underneath her, her cunt desperately trying to swallow you whole.
It’s her, her body, so alive and responsive and sensitive underneath yours. Taking your cock so deliciously, her cunt fluttering around like it’s trying to hold onto it, like it’s never going to let go.
“So, so fucking hard,” she’s found her voice, clawing back some level of composure. Enough to tense her cunt, squeeze her walls around you. Needing you to know every inch of her body, every inch of her pussy, needing you to know that it’s all yours for the taking. “God, it feels so good—doesn’t it? Fucking me here. Tell me. Tell me how good I am. Tell me I’m a good girl. Tell me you’re never going to be able to spend another second here without thinking of my pussy.”
You know she’s right, she’s leaving a part of herself here, branded into the very fabric of this bar that’s been your sanctuary. It has you pushing in deeper, a violent thrust of your hips, a little punctuation to drive her point home.
She swallows as you pick up speed, chokes on a half-formed moan—so, so fucking close. But you’ve only just begun.
Grabbing her hair, winding your fist in pink, pulling her up so she's forced to listen. The details on her face are all hazy, her makeups smudged from tears, from where she’s rubbed at her face, trying to keep the pleasure at bay. But that’s not how this goes. That’s not how any of this goes.
“You want to hear how good you’re being for me?” A harsh whisper for her, and it takes so much effort for her to just nod in response. “You want me to tell you all the filthy things I’m thinking? Everything that I’ve been dying to do to you?”
“Yes,” she pleads back. “Tell me, please—I need to hear it all.”
So you do. You lay it all on her. Every unfiltered, explicit thought you’ve had—every depraved fantasy that’s on the tip of your tongue whenever she’s around. You tell her all of it, how much of a whore you’re going to turn her into; how much of a slut you want to make her.
How this isn’t the last time. No, there’s going to be hours, days, weeks of this after.  Of you fucking her here, of her coming to you just to have another taste of your cock. It’s a revelation, a promise, and it fucking ruins her.
“Every single time you've walked into here, every single time you've sat across form me, I've thought about this," you're grunting now, giving in to the urgency that’s been building up in your chest, the pressure that’s been weighing on you for what feels like an eternity. “I’ve thought about bending you over this very bar. Making you beg for it, making you scream out my name when I fuck my cum into you. Making sure every single person out there knows that this cunt is mine to take whenever I fucking want.”
It’s so fucked, the effect that hearing all this has on her. The sound of your voice, your darkest desires, the harshness of your words, it’s all too much for her, it’s everything she’s ever wanted to be told.
You’re unlocking something in her, something she’s never admitted to anyone, not her closest friends, not her bandmates, not even herself. The way you speak to her, the way you’re treating her like a perfect little fuck doll—and you’re realising that maybe, just maybe, it’s because no one’s ever fucked her well enough to find out.
There’s no room here to be gentle, there’s no way in hell she’d ever want you to be. You tighten your grip in your hair, slam into her harder, skin slapping against skin, mixing with the wet sounds of her pussy taking all of you. Each cry you fuck out of her is music, each one a little higher pitched, a little more desperate than the last.
“This is what you want isn’t it?” You’re demanding of her, even when she’s blubbering, barely able to breathe let alone respond. Just trying to hold on.
But you’re not letting her.
You’re taking her to that place that’s beyond words, that’s beyond thought. The place where all she can do is feel and react. And she’s doing that so beautifully, her body shaking, her cunt quivering around your cock. It’s building and building, the things you’re doing to her, saying to her, making her choke on her own spit, making her eyes roll back and her mouth drop open, until all she can repeat, over and over again is your name.
“Again,” she shapes another word, another plea. She’s a total disaster of need. “Please, again, make me cum again.”
“You'll cum when I say you can,” you growl, forcing her to choke on another whine. The strangled noise goes straight to your cock; makes it throb harder inside her, drive deeper into her. You let go of her hair, only to palm her tit, squeezing into the flesh hard. Giselle jolts, a squeal escaping her lips. “But since you’ve been so good, I’ll let you cum before me again. Just this once. Just because it’s Christmas.”
You’re being evil, you know it, she loves it, but it's the best part. She clearly wouldn't want it any other way.
”Yes.” Giselle’s beaming, shivering with excitement. Getting fucked into utter ruins and thanking you for the privilege. “Thank you, use my pussy, do whatever you want, just let me cum.”
That sparks an idea, “Whatever I want?”
“Whatever you want,” Giselle pants, not a single idea of what she’s agreeing to. But maybe that's the whole point. “Anything.”
There’s a grin that splits your face that you can’t help, that you don’t bother suppressing. “I’m not going to ask for permission anymore, Giselle. I’m just going to fuck you the way I want. Make you addicted to my cock. Take you how I want, cum in all your holes, fill you up over and over again.”
Giselle’s eyes go wide, nearly stops breathing entirely. So close. Knowing that the next words out of your mouth are going to decimate her completely.
“Gonna make you start the New Year knocked up.”
She freezes.
“God—” Giselle’s a fucking wreck, on the verge of something explosive, something else entirely. “Oh my God.”
She just needs you to give her that push.
“You love it, don’t you? Being made nothing more than a fucking cumdump for me? That’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?”
You’re fucking her too hard, hammering into her too roughly, it’s a wonder that she can even manage a stuttered, “I—I—”
“Fucking say it, Giselle,” you say, “Spit it out.”
It’s too difficult for her to fit the words together, to form her reply, so it means all that more when she manages to tell you. “I want it.”
“Want what?”
“Your cum in me. All of it. Until I’m, until I’m—” She’s there, lost in it, in the idea of you ruining her in such a permanent, irreversible way. Or maybe completing her, making her whole, making her perfect for you and only you.
But you’re so close too. Right fucking behind her. All she has to do is say it.
“Until you breed me. Fill me with your cum, give it to me. I need it. Make me your permanent cocksleeve and never let me go. Make me yours—completely, forever yours. Make me your fucking whore.”
“Good girl.”
And with that, she’s gone.
Hits her like a fucking meteor. Leaping right off the most intense high she’s ever climbed. Bucking and quaking against your bar, your cock still impaled inside her, mercilessly undoing her. It’s nothing short of fucking pornographic, fucking depraved the way it’s destroying her.
Seizing her entire body in pleasure, her nails digging into the wood, scraping up marks that will prove to be a sweet, everlasting reminder of the exact moment she became yours. Fracturing her, breaking her apart into a million tiny pieces and then remaking her all over again as something purely sexual—something that only exists for your satisfaction.
“So fucking good, your cock, God it’s you, just you—” Giselle’s words dissolve into a keening cry that shatters the remaining silence of the bar. “Breeding me so good—”
Nothing short of a miracle that she’s still on her feet, that she can still do anything at all. One last thing she needs to do in the dying embers of her lucidity, one final goal—choke your cock with her cunt, wring you dry, make you flood her with your cum.
“Cum, cum, fill me, breed me, give me your—”
“Take it,” you exhale, “Take it all.”
And it’s Giselle in her entirety that overcomes you, overloading your senses with the pure, distilled feeling of just her. The smell of her sex, her perfume, the feel of her curves, her softness, the perfection that is her pussy, enveloping your cock, drenching it in her wetness. These things that you’ll never, ever be able to forget.
But it's her words that make you erupt.
“Breed me, Daddy!”
You cum deep into Giselle’s pussy.
Buried inside her, rushing white hot, thick and heavy. Ropes and ropes of it, spurting inside her, painting her insides, coating her walls until it’s just sheer heat and you making her whole.
Her cunt’s clenching around you, she’s begging, slurring moans and whimpers that there’s no fucking chance you have of comprehending—just basking in the knowledge that they’re desperate, needy sounds that are all for you.
She can’t keep it all in. But she needs to.
Something knocks the architecture out of her legs, but you’re quick enough to wrap your arms around her, holding her tight, keep her on her feet. Keeping her from collapsing entirely, just letting her pulse around you, clench and quiver.
You’re kissing her into the shoulder, cooing these affirmations, keeping her with you, telling her the truth of it all, “Such a good girl, Giselle. Taking my cum so well.”
Giselle can’t say anything. She sobs. Face buried in her hands. Not from pain, not even close. You’ve never seen pleasure look so much like agony. So much like release.
It’s overwhelming.
You try to make a move, take a step back. But Giselle flexes her cunt, clutching you tighter. Reaches back with her hand for your thigh to stop you.
“Wait,” she whispers. "Not yet. Don't move. Keep your cock inside me. Don't let a single drop get out."
You give her the time, because she’s just so perfect like this. So unfathomably gorgeous, all fucked up and cum-drunk. In ways no one should ever be. Like you’ve torn the wings off an angel, brought her down to Earth and made her yours.
You revel in it.
“Take your time,” you breathe; the exhaustion, the strain, the adrenaline pumping through your veins all coming to a head at once. Keeping your cock plugging up her cunt. Leaving all your cum inside.
Neither of you are moving anywhere. Not until she says so.
Giselle laughs.
“Perfect,” she sighs, voice hoarse and shaky. “I knew it would be perfect. I knew you would ruin me like this. God, I don’t ever want to go back.”
You’re laughing too, harsh, airless chuckles that feel like they’re being torn out of your chest. You twitch your cock inside her. “You think you have a say in the matter?”
“I guess I don’t,” she giggles.
You look around at the scene of the crime, the evidence you've left on her. The marks on her skin, her shoulder, her neck. The ruins of her dress, her panties. The tearing of her stockings. Her tear-filled eyes, her smeared mascara, her drooling lips.
And her cunt, so full of you, so very yours.
It’s barely believable. She may not have burned down the bar, but there’s certainly a fire that’s been set. One that’s not likely to die down anytime soon.
It has you swelling inside her all over again.
Gisele feels it.
“Say,” she starts, wriggling her hips against you, making you groan. “You didn’t have any Christmas plans, right?”
Your hands slip down to her hips, idly massaging into the small of her back. “None at all.”
Giselle’s laughter subsides into a contented exhale, her lashes fluttering as she looks at you with a soft smile. Her hand reaches back, caressing the side of your face. “And the rest of the year?”
“Nothing that can’t be cancelled.”
“Good,” she says, her breath sweet against your cheek. “Cancel them all. Close up for the holidays. Shut all the doors. Stay inside with me.”
You raise an eyebrow. “And do what?”
“Get to work,” Giselle answers, pulling you into a last kiss, threatening to undo you all over again. “You did promise to knock me up by New Years.”
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