#i just want to be fucking happy and not sad

[unholyglitch404]

I didn’t even realize people did that 😭😭

I could’ve sworn the point of writing was to.. y’know.. write? It’s an annoyance, it’s a struggle.. but that’s what makes it so rewarding. You aren’t doing justice to your plot, your ideas, your characters, your audience, or yourself, that way. There isn’t even a genuine point to it! Like.. you can’t really monetize fanfiction, and it’s a form of “hobby/passion-driven” writing. By having an AI do it you’re dampening the effect or emotions of your story, taking away whatever life it had, and literally defeating the point of passionate writing.

But also.. AI is horrible with writing? Like… in order to effectively convey a story, whether it has a theme or not, you need an understanding of nuance, “why’s”, and creativity… which AI doesn’t have.

Nuance is in every aspect of storytelling and existing. Humans don’t feel in binaries or act in binaries: they can experience multiple emotions at once or contradictory emotions; they can cry when happy and laugh when sad; or actively want to continue a sad experience like a tragic movie or dying relationship. Hell, humans sometimes go out of their way to partake in ‘bad’ experiences: watching mockbusters or reading something that they just don’t fucking like. Characters need conflicting interests and opinions to make the story feel natural and cause the plot to happen, and this often results in a need for nuance: a character, and even the antagonist, can oppose the protagonist without having bad intentions. Take a parent doing what they think is best for their child.. but said parent’s idea of what’s “healthy” and “good for their child” is highly skewed and stuck in traditional values, bigotry, misinformation, or fear. The reason I mention this is because AI, fundamentally, functions in binary. It cannot do nuance because it cannot properly comprehend it. How AI achieves ‘nuance’ is by flip-flopping back and forth, with the antagonist acting completely evil one minute, but then crying and comforting the protagonist the next. This isn’t even mentioning grey morality, or complex opinions about heavy topics like murder, abortion, etc.. Very very few people have “binary” opinions (full yes or full no) on these topics.. and if they do, they’re either lying to themselves, in an echo chamber, haven’t thought of potential issues, or are literal children. AI just can’t really replicate that. There’s nuance in behaviors, thoughts, emotions, actions, and existence, itself.

Similarly, let’s look at creativity for a moment. I don’t mean it in an artistic way.. I’m talking basic things like using objects for unintended purposes. Just a few days ago, I needed a ruler or something to draw a straight-ish line. I ended up using a random arcade card I had lying around, because its edge was straight enough. The reason I mention this is that.. AI algorithmically determines things. This means that, if a character needs a ruler and they don’t have one on hand.. literally none of the characters are going to attempt to use anything else, unless you prompt them to. If you need a doorstop, but don’t have one, you’re likely to use a random object for that purpose.. an AI is going to keep looking for a doorstop. This just makes things unnatural and breaks immersion.

Finally, we need reasons. AI doesn’t do things with a purpose or goal, it just provides an algorithmically selected string of letters that it deems satisfactory enough to the prompt. This means that there isn’t meaning, or purpose, or whatever, to the work. No characters have genuine motivations — they just do things to do things. There’s no symbolism, there’s no playing with carefully selected connotations or messing with how the story feels, there’s no further purpose, there’s no character development, there’s no intentions.. it’s just empty.

AI is literally the antithesis of “passion-fueled writing”, such as fanfiction.. and just sucks at writing, to begin with. This isn’t even talking about morals, where the AI’s dataset comes from, etcetera. If you don’t want to sit there writing a story.. then don’t write a fucking fanfic. Why are you making a fanfic? Just read some, for fucks sake!

no way ppl are using ai to write ao3. what happened to being a tortured writer. what happened to blood on the page. what happened to the ao3 curse. people used to get run over, have their houses burned down, break their entire spines and they still put in the work to finish a chapter. fuck you, using ai. y’all are weak

[omgfangirlland]

The Shadows That Nurture 4

I may have girl bossed a bit too close to the sun and finished Chapter 5 and 6 too- I'm not quite happy with those so I'll go through them again before posting Ch5 😅

Masterlist || First || previous<< Chapter 4 >>next

Well, we all knew they would never have time for you. They never do until it’s too late. That’s why funerals are for the living to say goodbye, to mourn, to let go of the guilt. It still hurt… It hurt so much to be brushed off by Alfred, to be ignored by Bruce, to be yelled at by Dick. You couldn’t even think of Jason without tearing up, and Tim was just straight-up mean. But at least he was honest. Cassandra and Barbara’s avoidance hurt the most since they were your only female interaction in years.

Everything you tried to do to prove yourself was, at best, ignored, at worst, compared to someone else and diminished. You had nothing in common with Richard besides knowing a few of the same bands. But that wasn’t enough to raise his interest in interacting with you. Every time he looked at you it was like he was angry and sad at the same time.

Jason and you were so similar. Finally, someone you could relate to, who knew how life on the streets was, how terrifying the big space of the Wayne residence was compared to the lives you once had. And yet he was more interested in Dick, no matter how rude the oldest boy was. You couldn’t blame him, you also wanted Richard’s attention. Your heart felt like it was rolled through needles and lemon juice when Jason got everything you wanted just for you to watch him get buried. Dick was angry when Jason first showed up, jealous, but by the time Jason grew up he was just as angry. You hoped that wouldn’t happen to you.

You were a great student, thriving in your classes and finishing middle school earlier than others, what else were you supposed to do when you had no friends? Of course, that was nothing to Tim’s brilliance. And every time you tried to bond with him on that or show him your achievements it would be a tired “I don’t have time for you.” or an uninterested “I achieved that when I was younger than you.”

Barbara is everything you wanted to be when older, smart, beautiful, had friends and the family's attention. It hurt so much to see her get along with Cassandra but not you, never you. And Cassandra… You tried. You tried to befriend her without overwhelming her, but since the first introduction, she had started ignoring you too, downright leaving the room if you entered it. Bruce went to all her recitals, but he never had time for your galleries or competitions. You stopped asking everyone to come when you found the invites and pamphlets balled up and thrown in the trash bins.

By the time Duke and Stephanie came around you had given up, what use was it? It’ll be another rejection, so you just took care of the garden and did more art, your room overflowing with it. You spent at least half of the monthly allowance Bruce gave, and yet you could still be a millionaire.

You gave up on the Waynes, only speaking to them if they spoke to you. You were done with them, with their secrets, with how they would talk between each other in whispers and then get quiet when you stepped into the room. They’d always look at you like you were a stranger, an enemy. And perhaps you were. So, fuck them. Fuck the boys, fuck the girls, and fuck Bruce and Alfred too.

Sneaking out was the best thing you have done for yourself- sure it was a long way from the Manor to the city and back, but it was all worth it. It was worth it to see the other street kids, to hear their stories, to hang out with the homeless and the girls on their smoke break, it was worth everything when you found your mom’s grave. It was nice, it felt like home.

Was it dangerous? Yes. But as long as you stuck to Red Hood’s territory you were fine, his rule of keeping kids safe seemed to also apply to you. He was nice, even if he never spoke around you beyond hums and grunts, but you enjoyed how gentle he was with the other kid, how he ruffled your hair, and how he helped you clean your mom’s grave. He was nice, and surprisingly so were most other rogues.

Ivy enjoyed helping you with tips for the garden, some of the flowers you grew there on every 13th of the month were made into bouquets for her, your mom’s grave, and Jason’s too. Two-face was surprisingly nice about your inquiry of the law and Penguin enjoyed helping you with your business classes. The Riddler made you want to smash your head against a wall most of the time, but boy was he good with philosophy.

You avoided the Joker like the plague. You couldn’t find it in you to care for him when Harley reminded you so much of your mom when she came with a black eye or busted lip asking if you could take care of Bud and Lou for a jiffy. You could never say no to her.

If Red Hood wasn’t keeping an eye on you, it was Bane or Killer Croc, both men letting you climb and swing from them like a spider. They enjoyed seeing a kid not tremble in fear at the sight of them, despite whatever they may tell you. Mr. Freeze was nice too, lonely like you. Sad you simply couldn’t take the cold for long no matter how many layers you put on.

You loved them all to a degree, but Catwoman always made you feel like her kid, not just a kid. Sometimes you felt guilty for wanting to call her mom, you had a mom. But she made you feel all soft and mushy, calling you her kit, crying with you when you first heard her call you that. She thought she had hurt you, oh, how panicked she was. But her hug was so warm, so loving once she found out that no one had called you their kid in so long.  You wish she would steal you away, she does too, but she made a deal with Red Hood. Selina wishes she had just taken you and moved across the country, everyone be damned.

Unknowingly, you had created the garden to hold flowers that reminded you of all of them, even the Waynes. You couldn’t bring yourself to kill their flowers, to make bouquets of them or sell them- you just didn’t have it in you. So, you just kept on growing them, talking to them, and telling those flowers what your alleged family would never listen to. And then Bruce ruined it all.

He wasn’t sure why he did it, exhaustion or paranoia, maybe both? But all Bruce knew he was seeing is his mom’s garden flourishing after years of it being neglected, of Alfred overlooking it at Bruce’s request to focus on what rooms were being used inside the manor instead. He didn’t think twice about grabbing the pesticide designed for Poison Ivy, didn’t think about asking Alfred, about asking the kids, he just reacted.

Bruce was drinking his guilt away in his office, forehead pressed against his desk as one hand held a whiskey glass and the other gripped at his hair. He had never seen his youngest that angry, crying so much-… He wasn’t sure when the last time he saw her smile or hang around the family was.

“What have you done?!” He remembers how pained and angry you sounded as he killed the last flower, his flower. He remembers how he acted, how annoyance rose in him as he explained, and he remembers how his heart fell out of his ass when you said that you took care of the garden and that you spent years building it.

His face remained unmoving as his hands shook, as his jaw clenched, as he could feel the sky crash on his head in tempo with your tears falling down your cheeks. He tried to justify himself, come up with a lie, something that would make him feel less guilty, but- “Yeah?! Well, maybe you would have known if you actually spared a glance in my direction from time to time- You should have left me in an orphanage, no- it should have been you instead of mom!”

You were hurt, you didn’t mean it, he was sure. Even after you went into the manor, crying your heart out, Bruce still sat there. He wasn’t sure what he could do, the pesticide ruined the soil, he didn’t even remember what flowers he saw. The man just went into his daytime office, grabbed his father's liquor, and drank. Bruce knew he should go and apologize and try to talk to you. He poured himself another full glass, instead. Tonight, Batman will be sleeping, and tomorrow Bruce will raise your allowance. If he remembers.

You knew to some degree Bruce didn’t like you, but for him to not even notice that you poured your blood and sweat into that garden when Alfred and even Cassandra did felt like a punch to the gut. You were a good kid, you tried your best to be, so why was this the hand you were dealt? Did he honestly think the flowers in the manor were bought by Alfred? The old man was so busy the last thing on his mind was to buy flowers for the house.

You couldn’t believe him, you could only cry for the lost plants, for one of the three things that brought you happiness. You curled into a ball under the warm duvet, crying into your knees until you could not anymore. The shadows did their best to soothe you, lulling you to sleep as the exhaustion of crying helped them.

Dreams didn’t come easy to you, sure, you had the usual nightmare, but calm dreams were a rare occasion. And this one felt so nice as you drifted in the endless dark space, two figures you couldn’t quite make out helping you stay afloat as they talked… chanted? You weren’t sure. It sounded like Latin, but it also didn’t. No matter, it was soothing, warm, it was what you needed.

You felt light as a feather. You felt free and- you hit your head… The pain not only confuses you but also wakes you up, the throbbing on the side of your head making you groan. Your tired eyes looked around trying to figure out what you hit as your hand rubbed the sore spot.

Maybe you were still dreaming. You must still be dreaming. Panic set into your veins- there was no way this was actually happening, it couldn’t be happening. You couldn’t be a meta- Batman hated metas and he worked for your- he worked for Bruce- You were fucked.

It didn’t matter that as soon as it happened and you panicked your body hit the floor so hard it rattled your nightstand, making a framed picture fall and break, it didn’t matter that you didn’t register the pain, or notice that you broke the floorboard where you hid all your diaries and drawings you made for the family- all your brain knew is that you should leave before Batman throws you in Arkham or GSP.

So that’s what you did. You grabbed your sports bag that you used for art supplies, stuffed it with some clothes, your laptop, phone, the chargers, took a few sketchbooks and pens, and the card with Bruce’s money. Not like he’ll notice, he didn’t notice that you spent thousands every other week at a fast-food joint for the homeless and street kids, didn’t notice that you spent millions every other year at retail stores for the same people, he didn’t notice the donations. He was as blind as a bat.

“Leap of faith” is what Superman once said in an interview about how others with the power could learn to take off. “It’s just a leap of faith.” He was right- you almost pissed yourself, but he was right. You understood why he always was floating above the ground; it felt so freeing to fly, circling the manor to the top, feeling the air around you. It was so nice. You should move, fly away, and yet your eyes can’t leave the destroyed garden. You should make a few stops before fully leaving… just a few.

When each of the rogues found one singular flower in their favorite seat, their window sill, on the weapons and cars they owned, all withered and falling apart, they knew what it meant.

Ivy was the first, she knew the second the plants died. After all, she helped keep the plants alive, nothing could thrive on the Wayne land anymore, almost like it was cursed, as if Death herself lived on the grounds. But seeing the burned and greying orange trumpet vine told her everything she needed to know, that it wasn’t you who destroyed them. Bruce Wayne and the Bats didn’t know what was about to come their way.

You’ll miss your friends, the kids, the rogues. You’ll miss Catwoman, but she always told you to be a bit more selfish. This was the moment for that. Doubt settled in at some point, but you had nothing holding you attached to the Waynes, Catwoman couldn’t or just wouldn’t take care of you, it was time to let go and abuse Bruce’s ignorance, make a new life for you where you don’t need to hide in the night for some social interaction.

New York City should be the perfect place for it.

Tag List: @bat1212 @trashlanternfish360 @shycreatorreview @syrooo @a-lurking-fae @alittletiredcry

[holyshit]

.

[boofeine]

So interesting on how seventeen gets jealous.

Hehe, able to do a drabble for mingyu jealous based on it?❤️😬🫶🏽

(sorry for taking so long... again 😅)

WARNINGS: mdni, angst,,, unrevised work !!!

"I'm gonna take a shower" Mingyu says while you finish to let your shoes by the door and lock it as you both enter your apartment.

That's not an uncommon saying or action from him, but you know when you just know something is off? That was the case. He sounded dry for some reason and didn't even spare a glance as the first thing he does it's walk to the shower.

You're letting your things by the kitchen corner, taking some things out of your purse when you hear the water running. You feel uneasy and contemplate if you should dare join him or just wait to talk when he comes out.

'Fuck it' you think, walking to the bathroom door, jeans already being undone and shirt getting lose. You knock and no response.

"Gyu? Can i come in?" You speak through the door, waiting a few seconds before opening the frame "Gyu?" you ask again, slipping your head inside. The room is starting to get foggy, but you are still able to see the outline of his naked torso as the water runs down from his neck to his chest, enough to gather you courage to come in.

You finish taking your clothes off and join him. He slowly opens his eyes, meeting down on your small form as you smile foundly but whimsy.

"Hi" You murmur.

"Hi" He answers, dry again. Opening you space to take the water instead. He leads you and changes your positions with a hand on your hips. Even looking as something wrong happened, he stills the sweetest to you.

When you wet yourself enough, you look back, and he has shampoo on his hair. You change positions again, and he starts to clean it off. You tiptoe, getting closer to reach his long hair hair too, helping him out. Your hands are soft and caring as you caress his hair. Mingyu is just looking at you, the same way you are looking at him, but he has a sad look and pouty lips.

You pull him, soap on your hands as you start to spread on him, his shoulders first, and then down his chest and belly.

"When you're gonna tell me what's wrong" You say while on it.

He helps you, spreading the soap on his arms as he thinks what to say. After a while, he shoots "I saw that guy hitting on you earlier". Your lips form a thin line. Somehow, you want to smile, but he hasn't finished yet. "And still, you stay most of the night of his group of friends".

It's true, you think. Now that he said that to you, you can understand where it comes from. Yes, the guy did hit on you, but you said no, and also add that you are taken. His group of friends are your friend's friends, and the only people (that you slightly know) that were dancing, and you wanted to dance, so you stuck to them.

"You should've tell me" you said, getting a bit sad too. The sudden silence gets you itchy and you can see Mingyu swallowing dry.

"You looked so happy. I wouldn't bother your fun." He adds, confessing it. And some of it makes him embarrassed and bothered that you were having so much fun without him. But he won't tell you that.

"You don't bother me, Mingyu" You reply seriously, stopping on your tracks to look back on him. "I wanted to dance, and they were the people I knew" you add "I want you to tell me when you're uncomfortable" you say lastly, and you suddenly want to cry because you're afraid he didn't have fun like you did, and you feel bad for have not done anything.

"Okay" he says smally and low.

Silence again.

"Turn around" you said, as you start to clean his back down to his hips, but also to hide how a few tears fall down. You clean than off and finish "I'm sorry" You add when he starts to turn back to face you again.

"Please, don't be!" He answers way too fast that startles you, cutting your words "Please don't ever apologize for having fun. I am sorry" he says, and you nod because he's right, but still, he can't just put aside what he feels either, you think that just what jealousy is.

You tiptoe again, caging him on your arms instead as he touches you for the first time, sliding his hands to your hips and resting on your lower back that let shivers down your skin. Your faces are close, nose slightly touching.

"I love you" You say, your hot breath on his lips making his mouth open in an almost gasp.

"I love you too" He adds before finally kissing you, raw and needy like he was craving it.

[bougiebutchbinch]

ugh UGHHHH I wanna write a sad fucked-up thing from Ning Yingying's POV

Shen Jiu didn't prey on Ning Yingying in any way, but he could literally only sleep when a woman was there and no men. He flatly refused to tell anyone this or the reasons why. Therefore, he has behaved 'inappropriately' with Ning Yingying (i.e., asking her to stay the night out of desperation because he needed to sleep and Liu Qingge had embarrassed him so much by dragging him out of the brothel that even that space no longer feels 'safe'; but obviously not touching her at all and staying well away from her - still highly Suspect to any outside perspective, though!)

And Ning Yingying isn't stupid (despite what some people think).

She was genuinely nervous about what her shizun might want with her (her shizun, who she knows has two faces - the kind face she shows her and the cruel one he shows Luo Binghe and damn near everyone else). But she also trusts him, and when nothing untoward happens, she's more than happy to have a sleepover with shizun whenever he asks!

But of course, this looks really fucking bad.

And during the trial, Liu Mingyan and Qi Qingqi and the little palace mistress and Qiu Haitang and so many more people, they all come to Ning Yingying and sit with her and talk to her gently, and tell her it's okay. They understand she might be uncomfortable with talking about what happened. They just want her to know that they're here for her, that they support her...

From Liu Mingyan and Qi Qingqi's perspectives, they've heard the rumours, and they're genuinely concerned. Little Palace Mistress and Qiu Haitang, of course, have a darker agenda, and pressure Ning Yingying until even she's not entirely sure what happened between her and her shizun. Did he really just make her a little bed on the other side of his room and put up a screen for privacy? Then ask her to sit on the cushion on the floor by his bed and play the guqin for a little while, until he fell asleep? Did anything more happen? Surely she'd remember - but trauma can be strange like that, Qiu Haitang confides, with teary eyes. Sometimes, your memories don't reveal everthing.

I want a story where Ning Yingying did falsely accuse Shen Jiu, but it's entirely understandable why. He shouldn't have put her in that position. He shouldn't have used her for comfort, even if it was entirely non-sexual and innocent. He should've talked to her and explained that he saw her as a daughter (though in what world would Shen Jiu ever be so open with his emotions, lmao). He should've confided in Yue Qingyuan and his Peak Lord siblings about the difficulties he was having sleeping and found some solution together that didn't damage anyone's reputation - but that would be entirely against everything Shen Jiu is.

And I want Ning Yingying to come to the water prison and sit in front of that sad human stick and tell him she's sorry, she doesn't know what to think, it's all so confusing; she doesn't remember him being a monster even though she said she did at the trial, but everyone keeps telling her he was a monster and she doesn't know what to think or what to believe -

And Shen Jiu can't say a word, since Luo Bingge cut out his tongue. He just looks at her with his one remaining eye and lets her speak.

[rispwr]

⋆˙⟡ step by step #7❤︎ m.list

note : this is kinda short and sad. suprise! this is only the beginning of the drama. i feel soo bad but jk is gonna endure more than this. oc pisses me off but anywayy, she'll help jk finally stop being selfless

contents : mean mean y/n, fear of commitment, jk being hopelessly inlove with oc, flowers, slight angst, slight fluff

wc : 500+

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

I stepped out of my office, my mind still tangled in the mess of my conversation with Yoongi. My head ached from it, my chest felt tight, and all I wanted was to go home, crawl into bed, and forget everything.

But then I stopped.

Jungkook was standing there, leaning against his car outside my office, a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

My breath hitched.

He looked up the second he saw me, his entire face lighting up in that soft, familiar way that made my stomach twist. His eyes crinkled slightly at the corners, dimples threatening to show as he stepped forward.

"Oh- hey," I blurted out, startled. My voice wavered slightly.

Because suddenly, I wasn’t thinking about Yoongi anymore. I wasn’t thinking about my awful day, my stress, or my exhaustion.

I was thinking about the way Jungkook was looking at me.

Like I was something worth waiting for.

Like he loved me.

I felt something crack inside me.

He pulled me into a hug, careful, firm, like he’d been holding himself back all day, waiting for the moment he could touch me.

And then, he handed me the flowers.

I took them hesitantly, my fingers ghosting over the petals, my heart thudding against my ribs. "What’s this for? It’s not my birthday."

Jungkook chuckled, shaking his head. "Shh, just don’t question it."

His voice was gentle, but I saw the way his fingers fidgeted slightly, the way his smile twitched like he was nervous. Like this meant something to him.

And that’s what terrified me.

I glanced down at the flowers again, my throat tightening.

I know i should feel happy. I should’ve felt butterflies, warmth, excitement. anything but this growing fear in my chest.

Because this was real.

Because Jungkook was real.

Because if I accepted this, if I accepted him. I’d have to face the fact that I was capable of breaking him all over again.

And I didn’t know if I could live with that.

"Come on," he said softly, nodding toward the hallway. "I’m taking you somewhere."

I forced a smile, trying to shove the fear down. "Where?"

He just smiled. "You’ll see."

Jungkook reached for my hand, his fingers curling around mine like it was the easiest thing in the world.

And despite the screaming in my head, despite the warning bells ringing in my heart

I let him.

Because it was Jungkook.

And for a moment, I wanted to believe that was enough.

---

We finally arrived at the destination.

A park.

The playground we used to run to as kids. Where things were simple, where love was innocent, where we didn’t know that growing up meant complicating everything.

But now, standing here again, my heartbeat pounded against my ribs. not from nostalgia, but from something far more terrifying.

Jungkook led me forward, his fingers wrapped gently around my wrist, his steps confident while mine faltered. He had a big, boyish smile on his face, so unlike the weight in my chest. He was excited. Hopeful.

I was afraid.

"Y/N…" He stopped walking, turning to face me fully, and I felt my breath catch. His expression softened, but there was something vulnerable in his eyes. "I—I have something I need to tell you."

I stood there, frozen. Speechless. Scared.

"I… I wanna try again," he said, his voice steady despite the nerves I knew he was fighting. "A real relationship with you."

My stomach twisted.

Jungkook stepped closer, reaching for my hands. I let him take them, but I didn’t squeeze back.

"I- I don’t need your answer now," he continued, almost as if he already knew I was going to run. "But I need you to know that I can’t keep doing this. I can’t be your fuck buddy anymore, Y/N."

His grip on my hands tightened slightly, grounding me, forcing me to listen.

"I want more. More than that."

I felt like the earth beneath me was crumbling.

"W- we’re best friends- " I started, my voice breaking.

"I want more than that."

His words were firmer now, almost desperate. "I wanna be the one for you, Y/N."

"again.."

And hearing my name leave his lips like that, soft, raw, pleading, made everything inside me collapse.

Because suddenly, it was all back. The fear. The guilt. The unshakable feeling that I didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve him.

I stared at him, wide eyed, heart hammering as his confession echoed through my head.

Jungkook had always stayed. Always forgiven. Always loved.

And that was the problem.

Because if I gave in, if I let him love me the way he wanted... what if I ruined him all over again?

I couldn’t stop myself. I pulled him closer, gripping onto his shirt like it was the only thing keeping me upright. And then, I kissed him.

This wasn’t like the kisses before. those stolen moments of lust, the desperate hunger, the reckless need.

This was different.

This was everything.

My tears mixed with our lips, my body trembling against his as I broke down in his arms. "I—I don’t know how you forgive me every time," I choked out between kisses, my voice slurred with emotion. "You always stay."

Jungkook’s hands came up to cradle my face, his thumbs brushing away my tears. "Because I’m willing to stay with you, no matter what happens."

"And that's what love is."

His words should’ve comforted me. Should’ve given me relief.

But they didn’t.

Because no matter how much he meant it, no matter how much love filled his eyes, nothing could change the weight of my guilt.

Nothing could undo what I had done to him.

I pulled away, my hands falling to my sides.

I stared at him. the softness in his gaze, the stars in his eyes.

And I hated myself.

"What if I keep making more mistakes?" I whispered, barely able to hold his stare. "Will you still forgive me?"

Jungkook didn’t even hesitate. "Yes."

God.

God, why?

He loved me too much. More than I deserved. More than anyone ever had.

And that was exactly why I had to let him go.

My hands trembled as I slowly placed the flowers back in his grip, my breath uneven.

"I- I can’t, Jungkook."

His brows furrowed, confusion washing over his face. "Y/N…"

But I couldn’t stay.

I turned my back on him, forcing myself to walk away.

"Please, Y/N," he called out, his voice cracking. "Just try! It’s all in the past- you were young, you didn’t know what to do!"

I spun around, anger and heartbreak spilling from me all at once. "Jungkook, for god’s sake, choose yourself for once!"

He flinched.

But I didn’t stop.

"You’re always about my feelings- my emotions- but never yours! It’s time you start being more selfish and choose yourself!"

The moment I said it, I regretted it.

Because the hope in his eyes flickered. Dimmed.

And it shattered me.

I turned away for good this time, walking straight to the curb, raising a hand for a cab.

Jungkook didn’t chase me. He just stood there, holding those damn flowers, watching me leave.

And as the cab drove away, I let the words I never had the courage to say slip from my lips.

"I'm sorry... kook"

And just like that, i broke him... again.

I knew sorry would never be enough.

[bigmoon-is-bigwife]

Ros mentioned she's nervous about telling Sneeg about her leaving the faction because she's worried that he would be mad at her. Which is crazy. I think Sneeg would be very upset about it but for the complete opposite reason: That Ros feels forced out of a castle she built.

Ros just truly doesn't understand how much people care about her and want her to succeed and be happy it's so fucking sad. At least she's telling Clown about it. I genuinely thought she wasn't going to tell anyone unless directly asked.

[eternalmomentss]

I need a silly little Crown Keepers EXU so bad just because their new dynamic could be so much fun. We could have Dorian, Orym, Fearne, Ashton (because they wanted to come along and meet Opal), Opal, Dariax, Fy'ra and Mor! Imagine a world where Opal is free of the Spider Queen. They come together for another stupid heist or just to go shopping for three episodes. Imagine the chaos.

Dorym is a couple now, they are sappy as fuck and everyone teases them about it at all times. Dariax would be so happy about it and you cannot convince me otherwise. Ashton meeting the crew! Opal and Ashton as a duo would be so much fun. Two young, reckless idiots. Total chaos. We have a whole genasi trio now! Fearne and Orym meeting Mor for the first time! Fearne and Mor bonding over the Feywild and Nana Morri! So much fey chaos in a single group! Fy'ra needs to juggle all of these idiots, she'll have a migraine for weeks.

Sad little bonus: Maybe Cyrus' spirit is still with Mor just annoying the shit out of her, asking her to deliver messages to everyone.

[sleepymccoy]

Okay I have work to do but I keep thinking about this plot bunny instead so I'm just gonna write it out. I'm not actually gonna write the fic cos if imma write amnesia I'll do my og story that I'm working on, but I reckon that story idea is what made this one come up in my head

Anyway, enjoy a synopsis

Basically, background is mirror Spock forced a permanent bond with McCoy when he went so hard so fast on the mind meld. When McCoy came back, this bond translated to basically an unconsummated marriage bond with Spock.

Spock clocked this immediately of course and once he found out what happened he quietly went about closing his access to McCoy's mind. Never told McCoy, cos it's not gonna come up. And he just politely doesn't use the bond. It's shut

Until! This fic starts with Spock being drugged maybe I guess and he loses his memory. Maybe he remembers his life up to a point, but certainly no starfleet memories. Actually yeah that's juicy cos then he's like why the fuck am I working for humans?? Anyway

Memory loss, going drugged rather than hurt so that it can fix up easily enough when his lover works through the toxin and also so that there's some period of time before he wakes where the barriers he put in their bond fail

So Spock wakes up and has a meeting with Jim about who he is, where his loyalties are, and if he can do his job. And the whole time he's got this corner of his mind that's just rushing with complex, out of place emotions.

He steadily figures out it's a bond, but he doesn't know who to. And he can't access the bond well, it's not consummated! Jim ends up getting worried and calls McCoy up and McCoy's all pissed off cos he's mid surgery and snarky and Spock's like okay so I'm not married to the captain or the doctor because the emotions I'm getting are like concern and love and neither are showing that. One's professional, one's angry.

Spock ends up meditating and manages to prod his spouse through the bond. He does this a few times until they get a call to the bridge that McCoy's not well so he and Jim go down and McCoy's like something it WRONG with MY BRAIN I don't wanna lose my memories like Spock has, he's a useless fucker now

And Spock's like. This guy is insulting me but the only emotion I'm getting is grief and panic. Guess the brain thing isn't me poking the bond

So he pokes it again and nope definitely McCoy, and he's not happy about it. So Spock explains himself

Unfortunately saying, "the latent marriage bond between doctor McCoy and myself if the cause of his acute medical distress" isn't an explanation that goes over well

So there's another meeting, this time with McCoy pacing around the table as Jim tries to mediate. And Spock keeps announcing what McCoy's feeling even when he's acting differently. It takes four times before McCoy's performed anger actually matches his feelings, which Spock announces, which makes Jim laugh

Anyway it is what it is. Spock and McCoy finally managed to have a genuine talk after work, while McCoy has a bourbon in hand, and McCoy really insists they're not together and he doesn't know where this bond has come from. His Spock never said anything about it

And Spock's like I'm the same man and I said something three hours ago. And McCoy throws a book at him, but all the feeling Spock gets is immense fondness. So he comments on that. And McCoy is suddenly very sad

It's confusing. Spock is dizzy. He kisses McCoy because he feels like he ought to and McCoy kicks him out

Two days later, and many enormously complex feelings in his brain but very little interaction with McCoy to compare them to, Spock gets his memories back

😬

He apologises to McCoy for this kiss. McCoy is more pissed off about the bond. Spock can tell that's not true, but he's better at pretending not to know what McCoy really feels. So he explains the bond thing and that he can as good as close it off

McCoy tells him to close it. Spock admits he can tell that it's not what McCoy really wants. McCoy goes apoplectic. Spock offers to teach him to use it. McCoy leaves

Spock is meditating to close the bond when it shakes, like a spider web catching a furious fly. It's a wonderful feeling, his spouse interacting with their bond for the first time. So Spock opens himself to it and lets McCoy explore

He doesn't explore long. And he's pretty rough and fumbly about it. Whacks the spider web a couple times then leaves. Spock enjoys it anyway

Spock goes to visit once McCoy stops and McCoy's very defensive about it all, even more so when he finds out Spock really doesn't mind. Spock shows him where the connection is and how to reach out to it

McCoy takes to it like a duck to water. They argue that night but it's different, the words dance along the surface of the lake while they swirl together beneath, tides and currents pulling at each other. McCoy's emotions change on a dime, constantly fighting. And it's all there, respect, hate, attraction, disregard, humour, adoration.

Sometimes without warning McCoy will laugh, then admit the conflict between what Spock feels and says is fascinating to him. He loves to see it. He loves learning now how Spock sees the world

And at one point, for just a moment, McCoy seems to love him. Spock knows it's not real, and McCoy emotions are all over the place, but still he feels the thrum of love, then the tone changes dramatically

Because McCoy felt Spock's like for him. Deeper than friendship, more obsessive than colleagues, more physical than brothers.

So Spock promises to close the connection. McCoy admits to some of the same feelings, but Spock knew that. McCoy feels everything all the time, there's no consistency in him. If he wanted, truly and genuinely, then Spock would know about it. He knows at best McCoy is erratic

Then McCoy says something about hate being next to love, and they're kissing again. And this time McCoy doesn't ask him to leave

Spock does forget to warn McCoy that consummation will scale up the bond and oh boy McCoy is pissed off in the morning. Genuinely pissed off too, and Spock can tell

[secret-third-thing]

hi! I am very new to the Azris fandom (the ship has consumed me) do you have any fic recs?

Hey! Welcome to the fandom <3

There are more fics than I can possibly name, so I pinged some of my Azris buddies to get some recommendations to share with you. Here are fics they've written or recommended. And be sure to check out @azrisweek for past azris fics (and future fics coming to you this June!)

In no particular order:

what hath night to do with sleep by @iftheshoef1tz

In 1968, Eris Vanserra is leading a double life. In West Berlin, he is a promising new doctor who frequents queer clubs, fucking his way through his friend circle. In his parents’ village, though, he walks the thin line between success and failure under his father’s brutal repression. Eventually, he realizes there can be no way forward unless he takes matters into his own hands. He summons a demon.

All Things End by @acourtofladydeath

Eris struggles with losing his memory due to complications from traumatic brain injuries caused by Beron's abuse. He forgets parts of his life and steps down from the mantle of High Lord. Azriel and their children take care of him the best they can, until he eventually passes away. After losing his mate, Azriel tries to move forward, but eventually dies from a broken heart. This is a very sad fic, but they love each other very much. Based off a tumblr post and written with permission from the creator of the original idea.

Red Ferrari by @ysmtttty

Azris AU, where Azriel is a mechanic and has his own service station. One day, Eris comes there because something is wrong with his car.

Collateral Damage by @g00seg1rl

Eris is having a bad day. His twerp of a little brother, Lucien, crashed his car into a motorcyclist. Eris expects chaos and insurance nightmares. Instead, he gets a hot date.

I Need You by @neciebee

Azriel had always wanted a mate. Both of his brothers were so happy with theirs. It used to be the three of them together, but now his brothers had their own lives and wives and Azriel could not contain his envy. All he had was this. Dirty, secret, meaningless. Perhaps he could pretend it was something, if he’d just take one bite.

Once More to See You by @buffy-vanserra

Days after Feyre and Lucien are rescued from the Winter Court border, Eris finds Azriel snooping in his father’s woods. They fall into old habits and discuss a path forward. Or: The story of how Eris entered his alliance with the Night Court

Fall by @gravitysthrall

Eris knew cruelty and kindness could grow in the same soil. The existence of his parents fruitful centuries under the same roof was proof enough. Fall in love. Fall from grace. Fall through worlds. Azris series continuation of ACOSF / HOFAS. 3rd person multi-POV

What We Deserve by @chunkypossum

Once upon a time, Eris thought that he and Azriel could be mates whose bond just hadn’t settled yet. It didn’t make sense for him to be so drawn to the male when they were at odds in every other way. It had to be the Mother, had to be fate. Now he knew for sure, it had been none of those things, only simple, stupid want. What happens when Azriel finally finds his mate but it isn't the male he is already in love with?

What Lies Inside by @ofduskanddreams

Like a cloak of heat and flame, the power of the Autumn Court settled on his shoulders. The air crackled and sparked as the very foundations of the Forest House trembled beneath the blood-spattered boots of its new High Lord. Eris Vanserra opened his eyes, expecting the world to be shrouded in flame. Instead, he saw the shadowsinger standing near the foot of the dais, wreathed in wisps of darkness. The Illyrian's green-bronze eyes glinted with curiosity and caution and flecks of burnished gold. There was only gold. A golden thread spooled out of his chest towards the winged male. The one who'd been his sworn enemy for over five-hundred years. Rhysand's spymaster. The feared shadowsinger. Azriel. His... mate.

Caged in Gold by @aurorasleeps-27

Adorned in Eris’ gold, shadows streaming down his face, Azriel is the most beautiful thing Eris has ever owned.

If you want some VERY dark stuff, and don't mind Nesta being thrown into the mix, read And The Hounds Bayed 🐶🐶🐶

[creatie123]

CHOI SU-BONG/THANOS X PREGNANT!READER PART 5

Part 1 Part 2 part 3 Part 4 Part 5

tw: heavy mentions of miscarriage, dead dove do not eat, angst, cliff hanger (again), drug use, smut, slight themes of Thanos having a breeding kink,

~~~

I am putting the note up here so that I don't forget. Hi everyone! wow, we are so close to the finally, there will be to chapters for a sad ending and a happy ending, the sad ending will be chapter 6.1 and the happy ending will be chapter 6.2, I'm so sorry for the delay with the new chapters I have had some personal things going on in my life that have made it hard to write. but not to worry I am back and ready to give you all the finally you have been waiting for. thank you all for the support have given me when reading my story!

till next time

-creatie.

~~~

As usual I wake up to the music playing over the intercom and blink away the tiredness in my eyes. Yawning I get up rubbing my face, and kicking my feat off the bed to stand up. Lifting my arms over head I let out a groan of satisfaction as my back stretches as much as it could. 

We all turn to look at the door as the voice over the intercom announces the arrival of the guards by saying it is breakfast time. I quietly follow 120 to get in line. Thanos stands beside me in the line next to us, visibly twitchy and on edge. Did he really give up the drugs for me? I try to pay him no mid as he continues to look over at me as if wanting to say something but stops himself.  I grab my biscuit and milk and go to walk back to my bed.

“Celina.” I hear Thanos's voice call out.

It’s shaky and desperate. So I pause, I don't look at him, I can't. I would lose the internal battle I was fighting within myself.

“Please. Please talk to me princess. Just give me five minutes of your time. Please.” he says

Princess? He only ever called me that when he was not pumped full of drugs. The desperation in his voice pushes me over the edge and I turn to face him. “Five minutes.”  I huff crossing my arms. 

Five minutes my ass. I think as I’m pinned to the bathroom wall a moaning mess as Thanos's lips leave a trail of wet kisses down my neck. His hands leave my own to trail down my body and rest on my waist, I seize the opportunity to tangle my fingers in his viberant hair.

“Thanos!” I whine.

“I dont like you being mad at me princess. Say my name.” he demands.

“Su- bong!” I moan, pulling him closer to me.

His hands trail from my waist down to the strings of my pants and begin to pull at them to push them down my legs.

“You cant be serious.” I gasp pushing him away.

“I need something celina, im going fucking crazy.” he says shoving my pants down.

They bunch at my legs and I quickly step out of them. I grab my jacket, unzipping it and pulling it off my shoulders tossing it to the side. Then my shirt, leaving me in only my bra. “What if someone walks in?” I hiss.

“Then they’re going to get quite the show huh princess.”  he says pulling his pants off then his shirt.

My breath catches in my throat at the sight of him. He has lost a lot of weight while still being fit. My eyes follow the tattoo that leaves from his hand up his arm. His arms reach out to grab me pulling me against him. He settles us on the floor before his lips once again leaving a trail of messy kisses down my neck to my collar bone, then down to my stomach where he pauses.

“You look so fucking good nocked up with my kid, senorita.” he says

I moan at his words closing my eyes to take in every touch and kiss, every little feeling of his hot brath on my skin. “I wonder if you taste any different.” he says 

Grabbign my ankles he throws my legs over his shoulder and loweres his head to give a long lick to my already sensitive clit. I let out a shuttered breath my hands shooting down to tangle in his hair again. “Fuck you taste to good. I’ve fuckin missed you princess.” he groans

I throw my head back into the pile of clothes that thankfully cushion my head, “su-bong please… please stop teasing me.” I whine.

“What do you need beautiful?” I asks in his playful tone.

“You! I need you! Please su-bong I need you!” I moan squeezing my eyes shut when his thumb toys with my swollen nub.

“Once this round is over ill make sure you nice and properly fucked how does that sound? Hm? We need you with all your strength after all.”

“You’re a tease!” I cry, grinding my hips to meet his thumb which continues to give lazy circles on my clit.

Pulling his hand away he raises and plants a firm kiss on my lips before getting up and pulling me up with him. “C’mon we gotta go.” He says helping my get drest and walking out.

I stand there dumb founded just listening to the sound of his feet retreat. I go to take a step to follow him but stagger and fall into the sink. I gasp raising my hand to clutch my stomach the other shooting out to stabble myself against the sink. I whimperleaning over to rest my head on the cool glass of the mirror. I dont have amoment to regain myself beofre I double over and vomit into the sink. 

“What is going on with you mały kwiatek?” I cry.

I spend what feels like hour in the bathroom throwing up and clutching my stomach in pain. A knock on the door barrly registers in my head. 149 comes in an immediatly rushes to my said pulling me against her. I cry into her chest. Thankfully the pain and nausea subsides after a few more minutes and she helps me stand up my legs wobbling a little bit before I regain the strength in my legs.

“Will you be able to play the next game? I-I don't know what will happen if you refuse..” she says.

“no..no I can play. I’m ok.” I whisper letting her lead me out into the room where people are gathering to start leaving to go to the next game. I follow closely behind her as we walk into a room with a large platform that resembles a carousel. Doors line the walls. We all make our way to the platform and stand with the lady here some and 120 and 095. The platform begins to move and a song plays. A hand grabs mine and I turn to see 222. I gasp, pulling her into my arms. She does not return my hug but I can feel her let out a sigh of relief. When I let her go she held my hand tighter. The carousel stops and the voice exclaims the number ten.

It was a blur. I felt a hand grab me and start shoving me towards a door. Only after a few seconds there were ten of us in a room panting. I look around our group, 456, 388, and 390.

“Everyone ok?” 456, ask.

I grip 222’s hand tighter as gunshots fired outside. 

“Unnie I’m scared.” 095 says holding 120’s arm.

I look at them trying to control my breath, I flinch as the voice on the intercom tells us it is ok to go back outside. I feel 222 clutch my hand tightly. The smell of blood fills my nostrils and I suppress a gag. Placing a hand over my nose I take deep breaths of air, thankfully my hand blocked most of the smell.

“Gi-hun!” Hear a man say. 

We turn to see 001, 388 runs up and gives him a hug, and the men give each other greetings. He turns to us and I give him a nod still holding my nose. I pull 222 away from them to go find our group again. Once everyone was on the platform the music started playing and the platform started spinning,I looked around to see the amount of people still on. My eyes catched Thanos and nam-gyu dancing. My eyes widen and I scowl at them. 

The platform stops and the voice calls out the number four. I look at number 222. 120, and 095 grab us and we run to a room. Once we are in the room I break out of my trance. 

“What about 149, is she ok? Why, why didn't you guys go with her and her son?” Tears stream down my face.”

“121, she’s ok I say she and her son go with 456 and 001.” 120 soothes me. “Please, you need to stay strong for the rest of the game.” she says.

After a little while I nod wiping my tears. 095 comes up to me and gives me a hug. I return it patting her head. Giving her a thank you we walk back outside when the intercom says we could. I saw 149 and I let go of 222 and went up to her wrapping her in a hug. “I was so scared.”

“Oh dear. Im ok see nothing to be scared of.” she says patting my shoulder. 

I sniff and nod giving her a weak smile. I stand in between 149 and 222. 222’s hand finds mine again and I smile at her. When the platform stops and calls out the number 3 hell breaks loose at the small uneven number. I watch as 149’s son is torn away from her. She stands frozen. I go to run to her but I am pushed forward and fall on my stomach. Pain shoots to me as I scream out in pain. I am pulled up by two sets of hands. I watch as 149 is pulled by my 456 and 001, and let out a sigh of relief letting the hands drag me.

When we get in the room I slump against the wall placing my hand on my stomach and wince pain shoots through my abdomen. Through my legs and throughout my entire body. I turned to look at who saved me and it was 222 and Myung-gi.

“You could have gotten killed, what were you thinking  celina?” Myung-gi said.

“I just.. She.” I dip my head.

“Shut up myung-gi.” 222 said.

She walked up to me and took my hand standing next to me. I squeeze her hand thanking her for the comfort. I rest my head against the wall breathing through the pain shooting through my body. Once the voice over the intercom says we could leave, 222 softly pulls me forward and out of the small room. I breathe a sigh of relief watching 149 leave the room with the two men. She is saying something to them when she gets interrupted.

“Mom!” 007’s voice rings out. She goes up to him pulling him in her arms whispering that it will be ok and that she is ok. I smile at them. We make our way to the platform standing on it. The music begins to play but it sounds worse each time. Like a bomb's timer waiting to go off. When the platform and music stop the voice calls out the number six. Chaos again breaks loose as people try to pull others from their group to join them. 120, 095, 007, 222, 149, and I ran to our room. I see 095 is pushed and someone takes her place so I grab her and push her in the room watching the door close and lock. Dread fills me as I realize what I just did. Shit. shitshitshit. A hand grabs me and pulls me into a room just as the timer goes off.

[edwin-paynes-bowtie]

What makes you love payneland as a romantic pairing? Personally when I watched the show I saw them as a platonic pair almost exclusively. Like yes, I believe that sometimes you do look at your best friends with stars in your eyes, bc that's part of the queer experience to me. Anyway I'm getting off track. What drew you to them as a ship? How do you feel about Palasaki? Do you think the show will ever get picked up again? Will it ever be the same?

Love to know your thoughts!

I think Edwin and Charles's relationship is super queer and I love it. Like, they are best mates. They have been married 35 years. They've never kissed. They go to Hell for each other. They have lots of feelings that are a mix between friendship and devotion and romantic love, and the lines between those feelings blur. They are currently in essentially an exclusive relationship. They are not yet together.

Their dynamic is so fucking relatably queer, which I love.

In the end, the reasons that I advocate for them romantically (rather than in an exclusive QPR) are:

Edwin's current canonical feelings for Charles. I have Been In His Shoes and it is kind of a sucky place to be. I want him to experience love and romance, too, and I view Payneland as a Sold-as-a-Set do-not-separate nothing-comes-between-us monogamous unit already.

The fact that Charles so clearly already likes Edwin back. He did the hand over the heart thing! At the end of 8! Yes!!!

George and Jayden have amazing chemistry.

I just want to see them build their entire existences around each other in every sense of the world and be happy. It would bring me so much joy to see them happy and in love, because the trust and devotion they share would lend well to a beautiful and loving relationship.

I actually wrote an in-depth essay on this subject here!

I also think seeing them get together would help heal the sad little queer kid inside me that loved Destiel, lol.

Okay! What drew me to them as a ship?

They are my favourite kind of ship. Two very traumatized individuals who fit around each other's jagged edges and love each other all the more for those edges.

Edwin and Charles have been home for each other. For decades. They share every aspect of their existence and are fully comfortable together, and it's especially beautful considering that they had really lonely, short, horrible lives. They've saved each other.

Edwin wants to be safe? Charles makes him safe. Charles wants to live? He may not realize it, but Edwin is building a life after life with him.

Next, Palasaki! I do like Palasaki. I think they're a cute ship and have a lot of potential, and I would have loved to see them develop.

I'm not sure about the show being picked up again. I really hope it is (and also hope they totally sever it from Sandman). But shows that were canceled are rarely saved, and I'm not trying to get my hopes up. I think it has a chance, but I'm not letting myself hold my breath.

I think that the show would be the same if it did get picked up again. I trust this team of writers and think they have done really well with season 1, and I want to see what else they had in store during seasons 2-6.

However, I do have this fear that we'd do all this work to renew it and Payneland wouldn't be endgame. I think that would be a slap in the face to a lot of the fan base. Luckily, I am 99.9% sure they are endgame and am not that worried about this. I just have Anxiety.

[shy-canadian-snowflake]

Not Sober Pt 2

“Hm. Morning baby.” Wade said softly, reaching out for Logan. Logan rolled over and faced the other, a frown on his face. It took a second for Wade to clue in. “Oh.”

“Oh? Oh is all you have to say? Wade, you got stoned last night.” Logan shook his head. “Your doctor told you- you know better. It can worsen your delusions.” 

“I’m not sorry.” The man stated, sitting up. Logan joined him and reached for his hand. Wade wanted to pull away but didn’t. Logan intertwined their fingers. 

“Talk Mouth. Explain to me so I can understand why the hell you’d put your mental health at risk. You’ve been doing so good.” Wade’s lips twitched up into a sad smile as he took Logan’s hand and pressed it into his cheek. He nuzzled into the warm palm and let out a long sigh. 

“I felt like I could control the chaos in my head. Sober me has been getting his fucking ass kicked. My brain is telling me I'm an awful human who only harms people, who only brings fucking suffering and sadness and despair. That there’s a ‘But’ when you say you are happy that I’m still alive.” 

“Darlin. I am happy you are here.” Wade shook his head slowly and pulled Logan’s hand into his lap. He pressed on different parts of his palm, massaging it out. 

“It still feels like there’s a ‘But’. But not really. But only when you are having a good day. But only when you are useful. It’s stupid.”

“It is fucking stupid because it’s not fucking true. I’ll love you bad day or good Bub.” Wake looked at him with a weak smile before going back to playing with his hand.

“Weed helps. I can see my own mental health in the maze that is my head. I can handle the world with all its fucking bullshit, I can understand the situation going on without feeling crippling panic. Everything is in neat tidy boxes that I can grab and organize and file everything away.” He gave a weak laugh, shaking his head. “ It might take me a few more minutes to do things or get the words out but I feel like a functional person who can work, who can do things. I feel like a normal person. I feel okay. I feel real.”

“You are real Wade.” 

“Yeah Well.” He turned Logan's hand over to trace the veins on the back of it. “I don’t fucking feel like it.”

There was a moment of silence as each man took a moment to collect their thoughts. Wade was the first to break the silence, like he always was.

“When I’m sober, I’m locked in a room of dark spaghetti and I can’t get out. I’m drowning in fear of what is going on in the world, the fact that we have a billionaire that’s getting a little too close to being a well known dictator with a horrible taste in mustaches. All of these noodles of despair and fear. Time does repeat and we don’t learn and the sun is going to blow up one day so is it even worth anything and I’m just so scared and I feel like I’ll never not be scared and- and Weed quiets all that. Weed brings me to the chaos I can control. I can consent too. My brain is making me think and feel things without my consent.”

“Okay.” Logan said slowly, throwing an arm around the other and pulling him close. Wade head butted him which he did so back, “What can I do to help?”

“Let me smoke weed without judgment.” 

“And what is your head saying to ya?” Wade hated that Logan always knew when he wasn’t all right. Sometimes it was great when he was questioning his own reality. Questioning if something is really there. It’s not so great when the voices in his ear are telling him things that make sense to him, but he knows won’t make sense to another living soul. It was like messages only for him to understand. Spoken in an old  language only he understood. 

“If I can break my ankle I’ll be in control of my chaos. My mind won’t control me today.” He sighed out, not bothering to fight. 

“That’s why you shouldn’t do weed, darlin. It’s telling you things that aren’t true.”

“They feel fucking true. Can I just die for a few hours and wake up with a better head?” 

“Al will be pissed if we got more blood and guts on this couch.” Wade flopped back onto the pull-out, sighing loudly. 

“I don’t want to fight Logan. I want my mind to be silent for one goddamn day.” There was a warble to his voice as he spoke. Logan laid down beside him, pulling him close- chest to back. He tucked his legs behind Wades, causing the man to curl up a bit more. His arm thrown over Wade’s chest made sure to keep his hand pressed into Wade’s heart, feeling the beating of it through the shirt he wore. 

“Do the meds. Do the meetings. Do what you got to. You will have a quiet day again Wade.”

“I doubt it.” 

“You will.” And Logan spoke with such certainty that Wade wanted to believe.

---

I'm having a real fucking hard time. My brain is saying to break my ankle. It makes sense too. If I do, the pain will override my brain and I won't have to be so fucking scared of everything. Future me- Don't smoke weed, it's not worth this fucking dark puddle.

[kiss-me-muchoo]

𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 || 𝐇𝐚𝐧 𝐉𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠-𝐖𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

part one: angel of satisfaction || part two: here

summary_the fallout of your love story with jeong-won and how he begged long enough to drastically change your life.

warnings_ age gap (not specified but reader is in uni), implied sex, cheating, fluff, angst but happy ending , reader smokes, is implied to be American and PLOT TWIST at the end, NO PROOFREADING

notes_ need to watch goblin and the silent sea :( using the salesman tag to avoid the flop allegations

♫ ♪ the worst playlist 4 gong yoo

✰ Index (+ fics here)

୨ৎ───୨ৎ───୨ৎ———୨ৎ───୨ৎ

The smell of cigars filled your home: you never thought you would deliberately find yourself smoking.

But there you were, looking at the cloudy skyline while you threw out the unhealthy smoke.

Your phone rang and you pulled it out of your pocket.

The ninth call of the day. Three times three is the charm.

“What the fuck do you want?” You neutrally ask, ignoring the beating of your heart.

“…y/n? Thank goddess you’re answering” You roll your eyes. “We need to talk, there’s a lot you-“

“Jeong-won, I don’t want to talk about anything with you” The exasperated tone in your voice doesn’t go unnoticed by him, which makes him feel even more stressed out. “In fact, I don’t want you to keep calling me. I don’t want you messaging me. I don’t want to have your follow on social media. I don’t want to hear your music in the clubs. I don’t want to ever fucking see your face again”

“Please, y/n. I don’t deserve to explain myself but-“

“I told you, you only had to pay for that dinner and forget about me. I suppose you didn’t mend things with your wife…” you abruptly cut him off, watching the smoke of the cigar fly out of your place.

“It’s complicated…” he sounds tired, sad and pathetic.

“Yeah… Everything’s that way with you. I just didn’t want to see it” you spit out, hanging up, leaving him to make a mess over the deadline.

You didn’t know how, but you would try everything just to forget him. But when you get out of the apartment the first thing you notice is the public trash can.

There lies the flower bouquet that appeared at your door three days ago. It had been Jeong-won’s first attempt to say sorry.

But so far it wasn’t working.

…

Three weeks into trying to move on. The first days felt like walking throwing a dark alleyway with no return. Tears always find a way to run out of your eyes, but you couldn’t deny, that you felt better.

Your friends helped a lot. Seoun-mi was the only one who said that if Jeong-won insisted, you could let him explain himself. Ruby and Jade immediately said no.

The spring was right around the corner. The rain was slowly coming to an end. The coats were being replaced with sweaters and cardigans. Even the sun cooperated, warming enough to make you go out to run.

Jeong-won crossed the street to walk towards his car. He had submitted a mini EP of music, expected to release mid-spring.

The city looked active, almost as if everyone had been trapped by the winter. He pulled out the keys to his car when he looked up.

His feet dragged him away, noticing a woman jogging down the street.

His face turned in awe after realizing it was you. Your matching grey tracksuit was hard to miss. He remembered you mentioned you were asthmatic, he wondered if you carried your inhalator.

“Y/N!” Jeong-won couldn’t care less if everyone stared at him as if he was insane. He started running hoping to get your attention.

His heart started beating so fast, the rush of seeing your face again, the hope of having you by his side again.

But that didn’t happen, you didn’t even listen. Music was playing so loud through your wireless headphones.

Jeong-won stopped running. He stared at your blurred vision and sighed in dismay.

His phone rang and he answered, still looking at you.

“Are you busy?” In-ji asked.

“No. I’m going home…” the man answered.

…

As the desperation started to burn you, the need to go out also grew stronger.

Ruby and Seoun-mi had seminars, and Jade had a meeting with her major advisor.

The outcome? You dancing all alone in a club.

You couldn’t go to the same one where you used to go. That’s where you met Jeong-won, it was too painful.

But as the alcohol sinks in, you start to feel tipsy, alerting you to stop drinking.

For a second you thought it was already too late but Han Jeong-won was actually there.

He gently pushed people to come to you.

There isn’t even time to feel angry, nervous, or panicked.

“What are you doing here?” You ask loudly.

“I came with a friend…” he admits, looking hopeful.

When you try to sneak away, Jeong-won grabs your wrist and pushes you against his chest. Only to then kiss you.

In his arms, you felt safe.

With his kisses, you felt cherished.

The man who urgently smashed his lips with yours in the middle of the dance floor while music blasted from the speakers was the love of your life.

He couldn't resist the temptation. Couldn't miss the chance and needed to let you know he always loved you. That everything was true.

"Please, believe me..." he pleaded, holding your hands.

"Fuck you, Jeong-Won"

Frivolously, you leave the taste of poison on his lips. His hand tried to grab yours again, but you slipped, leaving him.

Like you had already done before.

But it didn't make it easier, because tears started falling down the first step out of the club.

And in the middle of the cold night, you slip into your coat and start a quiet walk towards home.

You wished you knew he was mourning a life he had before you.

…

Caffè Americano…

The smell fills your nostrils and the warmth of the cup soothes the cold of your hands. Too many thoughts have run through your head over the days. And it was very rushed to say you were over Jeong-won. Walking through the same streets you once walked while feeling in love was devastating, as dramatic as it sounded.

But it’s a good day. You can feel like you are reaching peacefulness and it’s enough.

It’s been a month and a half since you last saw him. The world is not fresh, but it’s still open.

You walk out of the coffee shop, your boots sound with every step you take and the cool air makes the very few cherry blossoms in the trees fall.

Your eyes scan the street; everyone is just there living.

When would you start feeling like yourself again?

Apparently not at that moment. After coming down the little steps of the coffee shop, you look up and meet two people talking, just inches away.

Why was life so cruel? Why do you have to meet your ex-boyfriend and his wife right then and there?

They feel someone standing in their eyes, but they try to act so normal, like you hadn’t seen them. You start walking away. With firm steps and a well-hidden urge to run as well.

His hair looked the same, but his face looked less tired. She looked younger if that was even possible, with longer hair and more casual clothes.

Jeong-won and In-ji stare at each other awkwardly.

“Go after her” she softly tells him. Jeong-won stares back at her with unease before turning back his attention to you.

He knew you wanted to run away the moment you saw them.

“We already met once. What if we met again and she’s in the middle once again?” He can’t deny the anxiety growing as you stop waiting for the traffic lights to change.

“Jeong-won, perhaps we were really never meant to be together…” his face almost turns into a childish pout.

But maybe… In-ji was right.

She was kind, supportive and caring. She would’ve been a great wife. But their marriage started as a contract, Jeong-won never knew her completely.

He never felt the same way he did with you.

“We couldn’t even say ‘I love you’ to each other…” the woman admitted with a sad smile.

Then both turned to look at you.

“Go, explain her everything. And if we see each other again. It’s because we are meant to be friends. But that’s it…” Jeong-won almost felt his eyes turn glassy. But he nodded, gave Noh In-ju a brief kiss on the forehead, and literally started running towards you.

For a moment he thought about

You are still waiting for the green light when you hear him. You spot a cab and make him a sign to stop by you.

“Y/N !” When you look back, you see Jeong-won running, out of breath with his hand waving in an attempt to make you notice him.

You sigh, already feeling stressed out.

“This needs to stop. I can’t take it anymore!” You almost yell as soon as he ends up face-to-face with you. “I know it was just a coincidence and she’s your wife, but it’s not fair. I can’t do this anymore…”

You’re so mentally exhausted that you don’t even notice your eyes tearing up until the cool air makes you aware of the tears.

“Please, don’t cry. If you just let me explain… you and I-“

Boom. You explode…

“YOU AND I, NOTHING!”

It spills out of your mouth. The words even hurt you since you know it’s not true. People around stare but you don’t care.

“This is why I can’t go out anymore. I’m so scared that I will have to see your face again… “ his heart breaks, he can’t stand your tired and hurt tone, your burning cheeks, and your red eyes.

He wants to make it better but doesn’t know how.

“I never wanted to hurt you…” he admits with his broken voice and you find the strength to chuckle. “I will remember that when I’m gone…”

“You’re leaving?” Jeong-won finds himself panicking, already desperate to make you stay.

“If the office approves my petition, yes. I’ll leave in three weeks” his face goes pale. “And even after everything… I can’t hate you, Jeong-won”

Your cab arrives just in time, and you disappear without saying anything else. You don’t even look at him again.

And as the cab drives away, you begin to think about anything else. In hopes of forgetting about everything, starting with his face.

…

2:00 am…

You can’t sleep. It was the following night after a hangover day. Your friends almost cried, pleading you stay at least the rest of the semester. You hadn’t thought about leaving the apartment and all of the good memories built there.

You look through the open curtains at the skyline. The same crystal diving you from the city that once was your lullaby as Jeong-won hugged you and combed his fingers through your hair.

You were so sober that you even questioned if he deserved to explain himself.

What if he was in a bad marriage and he couldn’t get divorced but started seeing you? No… Then why did they look very happy talking to each other the last time?

What if he actually never meant to cheat on his wife but tremendously fell in love with you? No… He still cheated and never told you about it.

But he said he loved you.

And he looked sincere while doing so…

*beep beep*

Your phone makes you touch the ground again.

After hours of being in the dark, the light of the screen blinds you for a second.

Five new messages…

Jeong-won ♡

You never removed the heart beside his name in the contract.

Jeong-won ♡ ׂ╰┈➤

I can’t sleep again.

and not because I’ve taken

the pills again. I miss you like

you have no idea.

I know I hurt you despite not

wanting to. But as I said, it’s complicated.

Jeong-won ♡ ׂ╰┈➤

My first wife and I had issues.

She always wanted to

control me. We almost had a kid,

but we lost it and that shattered my

life once again. So she urged me

to sign a fake marriage, now I see

how twisted and stupid it is.

Jeong-won ♡ ׂ╰┈➤

I was so uncomfortable when this

new woman appeared at my place.

It was already a bad place

and it added up to my neglect. It was

never my intention to cheat on In-ji.

I was only being friendly

that night we met in the club. But the

more I heard you, the more I realized

how lonely I was. It was luck or a fluke

that you were in that burger shop

days after.

Jeong-won ♡ ׂ╰┈➤

I swear to you, y/n, that every

word, caress, and moment I shared

with you was real. Never in my life

I’ve been more sure about

feeling like this. I wanted to tell

you about the marriage, but I

didn’t know how. I thought that

no matter how much I tried to

explain, it would sound terrible.

I was so close to falling in love

with her. But thank goodness

I didn’t, because I would have

settled for so little compared

to you. The marriage contract is

over. That day you saw us together,

it was the first time I saw her

in months. She told me to go after you.

Jeong-won ♡ ׂ╰┈➤

I don’t think it’s enough

explanation. But I hope it’s

enough for you to believe me

when I say I truly love you.

I’m so sure I want to waste as

many years as needed as long as

you forgive me. Please don’t leave,

I need you. Even when I don’t deserve

it.

✓ ✓

You don’t cry, you don’t panic, you don’t even blink. You just lock the phone and set it aside. Your eyes locked on the ceiling as you start drifting off, succumbing to sleep.

…

It could’ve been any other day. But it was raining when you decided to drop the final papers to withdraw from the study abroad program and return home. The apartment was a mess, half of it already packed up inside carton boxes and the other half resting as if nothing was happening.

The decision was not properly made, that was clear.

Your head was a disaster, a swimming mess.

Your life has been quite boring but comforting ever since you entered your teenage years. Never in your wildest dreams, you thought you would be stressing over a failed relationship where the man was married.

Three months after that embarrassing night at the restaurant, you are in a very different place and situation.

The rain has stopped, the sun peaks between grey clouds but the streets are still a wet mess.

You avoid the puddles of water that form across the sidewalk. Your cable earphones get tangled with the bunch of papers in your arms. It’s annoying until you slow down to take them off and hold the papers properly.

You bump into someone. The altercation being a little violent makes you almost fall to your knees, but the stranger holds your shoulders.

And the papers fall from your hands, drenching in the water.

“Fuck…” you whisper, hurrying to kneel, not caring that your knees get wet, you can only save the top papers. You see the hands of the stranger also trying to save them. That’s when you look up at the stranger.

Without a warning you end up smiling, Jeong-won smiles back at the instant. Both of you chuckle.

The half-drenched papers slip from your hands again, completely drowning in the puddle of water.

“Is it too late?” He asks.

“For what?”

“For begging you to stay with me…” your hands snake to grab his. He had a black turtleneck sweater and a jacket hanging over his shoulder. He looked painfully gorgeous.

You think about all those hours you spent re-reading his messages.

“I think you have begged enough” you reply.

Needless to say… you just know it was meant to happen.

Your arms lock around his neck and it’s you the one kissing him. Jeong-won mentally sighs, feeling relieved and renewed.

You can feel his arms embracing you tightly, as if scared you would slip away from him again.

Out of breath, he rests his forehead against yours, witnessing how the pain slowly washed away.

“It’s okay…” you almost whisper, he nods, briefly smiling. “Jeong-won, let's go home”

You knew he understood. Both of you knew home was wherever the two of you were together.

…

The heat was slowly building up. The windows started to remain open all day and night. Jeong-won was slightly stressed out, he had an upcoming trip and was in a mall, outside of a candle store.

His phone was almost burning when he realized the day was indeed hot.

“Jeong-won?” He turns only to encounter In-ji, smiling brightly at him.

“In-ji…”

His ex-wife appeared upon him, looking gorgeous. She looked happy, with her long hair now dyed chocolate brown.

“How are you?” He asked giving her a quick hug. “I haven’t seen you in… a long time”

It had been a year, to be exact.

“What happened with y/n?” She asks straight to the point and Jeong-won chuckles. “Why are you laughing?”

“It was bad… Remember?” In-ji nods, then he points at a woman squatting while looking at candles inside the store.

It was you, wearing a sundress that hunched over the floor. A purse hanging from your shoulder with many keychains. And when you stood up and turned to the side, In-ji noticed your left arm was also busy, holding a newborn baby.

“HAN JEONG-WON, YOU HAD A BABY?” the man starts laughing while nodding. “Oh my goddess! Congratulations!”

“I can’t believe it myself” he admits after accepting the hug In-ji gave him.

It felt nice to see her. She was right, they functioned better as friends.

“It’s a girl, right? What’s her name?” His eyes brightened at the subject.

Jeong-won had a baby with you…

“She has two names. June Iseul” the name of the baby rolled over his tongue and he found himself smiling again.

June Iseul was born in the peak of the winter, weighing and measuring less than expected, with matted raven hair and grey irises that were slowly becoming like yours but shaped just like her father’s.

“That’s adorable!” In-hi admitted, feeling awe at the sight of the baby in your arms, wearing a rainbow onesie.

“And I guess you married her?” Jeong-won huffed.

You never denied how June Iseul had been an accident. She came to slow down your academic career, she also made you gain weight and lose some hair but her arrival amidst winter gave you half a year to recover. You felt amazing and June Iseul was growing healthy.

Jeong-won was happier than ever. He was just a little worried about the reason why they were in the mall. Your parents were slightly mad and very confused as to why you left home being single and a full-time student and you were going to visit them being a part-time student, with a boyfriend and a baby.

Jeong-won was nervous, excited, and eager to marry you.

“Well… happens that y/n doesn’t fully believe in traditional marriage. I’ve asked her on multiple occasions but she keeps saying that we shouldn’t push it yet” Jeong-won admits rolling his eyes, she chuckles, turning her head to see you invested in the newborn section. “She’s very smart”

“She is…” he agrees, joining the chuckles and smiling like an idiot at the sight of you with his daughter.

“Well I didn’t have a baby, but I got married” In-ji revealed, making Jeong-won almost gag.

“What? When?”

“Two weeks ago. I met him in Thailand and… I don’t know. I’m just… very happy” Both smiled, feeling in peace knowing everyone had moved on. “I’m happy for you, Jeong-won. I can tell you are living a dream”

“I’m also happy for you…” both smiled at each other.

…

An hour later, you are done shopping and the most important thing is in your hands; a stroller for June Iseul.

Jeong-won pushed the stroller as both of you walked towards a pasta restaurant.

“It sucks that you got me pregnant before my twenties ended. I should be in the club!” you object, exaggerating. You can hear Jeong-won huffing in disbelief.

“You literally go out to the club every week!”

He was right. Your life pretty much remained the same.

“And that’s one more reason I love you so much”

Even with the arrival of June Iseul, Jeong-won had no problems with staying with the baby while you attended classes or decided to hang out with your friends. He used to have a lot of free time, but now… he found the perfect routine.

“What are we ordering?” He asks, grabbing a menu as you both wait your turn to order and pay.

“You pick the pasta and I want a pizza with truffle oil. What do you say?” You negotiate with a smile.

He gets so lost in your beautiful face that he ends up smiling back like an idiot.

“What?” You ask again, chuckling at his silly face. “Nothing, I just love you so much”

You blush. And before you can say anything.

You hear some coos.

“I’ll order, you pick a table and feed Junjun” Jeong-won reassures you, knowing very well his daughter was demanding and using the silly nickname he had given her.

You take a seat at a secluded table and turn the stroller so you can uncover it.

June Iseul was awake.

“Hello, little blossom” she smiled and it melted your heart. “I know you’re hungry…”

She was very small and soft. She had that baby smell but as her mother, you thought your baby smelled perfectly compared to the others.

She locked her eyes with yours as you breastfed her, not caring about the attention because your back was facing the world, and the table was secluded enough to cover you.

June Iseul’s pale skin resembled her father’s, making her look a little like a porcelain doll. Like the one your friend Jade gifted her from Japan months ago.

The doll was very sophisticated and rested along with some baby books and toys.

“Your father isn’t very good at conversations with strangers, right?” You ask your baby as you pull her out of the stroller and into your chest. Your boyfriend seemed to awkwardly be exchanging words with the woman taking the order. It made you chuckle.

After a long night talking and him telling you every single detail of his life, everything changed.

Just when he got a little house in a modest neighborhood and asked you to move in, you accidentally got pregnant.

What seemed like a challenge turned out to be easier than expected. Jeong-won had been the perfect partner all along.

Ignoring the judgment from your peers in classes after you waddled around campus with a baby bump, everything was perfect.

Also ignoring all the insults you threw to Jeong-won while he held your hand in the delivery room, everything was perfect.

So seeing him come with the receipt of the order and taking June Iseul from your arms to burp her made you realize how lucky you were.

How fucked up things were until they weren’t.

You have a boyfriend begging you to marry him and a perfect baby that looks like him. Both are in wait to visit your homeland and parents for the first time.

The flash of your phone pulls Jeong-won out of his trance with June Iseul.

“Are you taking us a picture?” he asks.

“Yes, you both look so adorable” you admit looking at the screen. June Iseul perfectly locked eyes with his father and you captured it in a picture.

You would print it, use it as your lock screen, and send it to your friends.

Ruby immediately replies in the group chat, then Jade, and lastly Seoun-mi.

Rubz <3 ׂ╰┈➤

DILF + adorable baby spotted!!!!

Jadore ׂ╰┈➤

Is that the onesie I bought her?

June Iseul my baby 🩷🩷🩷

misu :) ׂ╰┈➤

Tell Jeong-won he’s not

holding her neck properly:)

misu:) ׂ╰┈➤

I love her <3

you ׂ╰┈➤

Everyone gets In-N-Out and

animal fries after we come

back to Korea (cold ofc)

you ׂ╰┈➤

For being such a good

trio of aunts 💋

You lock your phone with a smile on your face as you stand up.

“Where are you going?” Jeong-won asks.

“To wash my hands, silly” You lean forward to kiss him briefly and you can feel him smiling amidst the kiss.

It’s inappropriate but since the table is secluded, you feel playful enough to add tongue and have a little touch with his.

And then you remember your daughter is in the middle of you two and had just burped.

“She spilled some milk…” Jeong-won hurriedly says, breaking the kiss.

You chuckle and kiss your daughter’s matted hair.

“Then clean her, Jeong-won,” you say before leaving to finally wash your hands. As your steps grow further, you can hear your boyfriend talking in Korean with June Iseul.

“Your mother is a little spitfire. That’s why I want to marry her…”

There’s an embarrassing smile on your face when you look at yourself in the bathroom mirror.

___________________________

Taglist: @stargirl-mayaa @czarinera @dovediva @dreamersparacosm @girlythings111 @love2fangirl @migueloharassoulmate @fangirl4lifetime @wonallofme @otakusimp1 @muchwita @preppyfella @xcinnamonmalfoyx

[crazylittlejester]

A tiny fic for you, because life's been a bitch and you deserve a gift (happy to hear you're doing better though :] ) :

"What the fuck are y'all doing?" Twilight laughed, walking from his room into the living room.

"Floor time." War mumbled from his place face down on the floor, head almost completely obscured by the black fluff of the cat he'd buried his face in. Milo meowed.

Sky made a miserable noise of agreement. He was laid out starfish style on his back, half draped over his friend, with one hand thrown over his face. He had a white, fluffy blob that Twi recognised as War's other cat, Tara, curled up on his chest.

"Ah crap, do I want to know?" Twilight crouched down beside the pile of saddness and cats.

"NO." They both groaned in sync.

"Alright 'en." Twi shrugged. "Y'all need anythin'?"

"I need you to kill me." War sighed.

"Hell no, shut up. If I have to do this, so do you, mister dramatic pants." Sky snapped, though there wasn't much heat behind it.

"How about a hug instead?" Twilight suggested.

War removed his face from the fluffy void and stared at Twi with the most pathetic, wet creature eyes ever. He nodded quietly, kissing Milo once before he somehow pretzel'd himself into sitting upright without evicting Sky of his place sprawled over him. Does it make sense? Not really, but eh, it's War. He's magical. Though magic didn't stop Milo's fur from having foundation smudges on it. Or from his eyeliner smudging.

Twilight smiled as he sat himself down, shuffling to lean against the sofa before he opened his arms to welcome his roommates in. Without a second of doubt, War flopped himself over straight into Twi's arms. Though in the process, he accidentally squished Sky, who let out an indignant squawk and kicked War (gently) in the shin before wiggling out into a more comfortable embrace between his two roommates.

"War that was homophobic..." Sky grumbled.

"I'm literally gay???"

"Alright old ladies, calm down." Twilight soothed with.

War simply huffed and buried his cold nose in Twi's shoulder. Any pretend grumpiness evaporated from both him and Sky within seconds, and their tense shoulders slowly unwound as they relaxed further and further into the comforting furnace that is Twilight.

If anyone were to walk in, they'd just see a tangle of limbs and (metaphorical) soggy cats. The actual cats were there too; at some point they'd snuck in and were purring away, content as ever.

Minutes, hours- whatever, an amount of time passed where all three of the silly roommates sat on the floor snuggling, until a sleepy, incoherent murmur left Sky's lips. Twilight hummed in question.

"I'm gonna fall asleep..." Sky mumbled, his eyelids slipping shut, though he didn't bother moving.

"Then get some rest, dude. You deserve it." War gently smiled, running a hand through Sky's hair.

Any further disgruntled grumblings were lost to the power of sleepiness, and soon replaced by snores.

"...everythin' alright with him?" Twi asked hesitantly.

War hummed. "Just stressed, I think. Glad to see him relaxed now."

"Yeah," Twilight whispered in agreement, mindful of the aforementioned roommate sleeping tucked into his side.

Conversation tapered off into comfortable silence, until Twi started to complain that his ass hurt from sitting on the floor for so long. But he just scooped Sky up and the cuddle pile relocated to someone's bed, where they could snuggle more securely. Personally, War had no complaints. The stress of his life earlier had melted in the warm embrace of his friends and now he felt... safe. Secure. Content.

Sorry this isn't the best- but I hope you like it ! Remember to take care of yourself :]

---

---

I LOVE IT OH MY GOD. SCREAMING AND CRYING AND RUNNING AROUND IN CIRCLES you gifted me my blorbos 🥺??? AUGH!!

this is so fucking cute, floor time could definitely fix these guys

"Mister dramatic pants" and Twi thinking War has sad wet creature eyes is so everything to me, I hope you know

AND THE "War that was so homophobic" "I'm literally gay" KILLED ME. War is definitely the more likley of the three of them to whine and stop his feet and go "this is so homophobic" over any minor inconvenience but Sky saying this TO WAR is so fucking funny and I love it so much

also them worrying over Sky is so sweet, I love this so much thank you for this im holding it tightly in my evil little hands

[lsunstreakerl]

(DarkBull)

I absolutely love the extra info given from these last 2 ficlets and I have thoughts opinions and praise to give

Carlos and Max!! The comfort Max gets from being in Carlos' presence. How he worries about his boys but doesn't understand the implication (said like Always Sunny in Philadelphia) of his actions and what that can mean for others! The gun! How many are just hidden around Redbull and Max's own apartment? When did Carlos become involved enough with crime part of rb that he has access to a gun and takes note of where it is?

More info on the trackers! I love the idea of the placement being the spine ( can't remove it without permanent damage to Max ) and the ankle ( Probably won't be able to walk normally if removed, can't run )

The list that Daniel and Carlos have and share about what makes Max happy, sad, etc. Their job is reliant on this mans emotions, they are learning everything they can.

I love timelines and im asking more for the vibe of where different fictlets fit compared to each other? Are they most chronological to posting unless placement is share (ex. pre kidnapping)? If you don't really know don't worry about it, I just like dates and numbers.

The jewelry! I loved the fact that Christian zoned so far into the bracelet being on Max's skin. In my mind, Christian and GP co-design the bangles and there was a heated discussion, so seeing that in person, on his pet's driver's wrist was worth the argument with GP. I like how Daniel and Carlos got him his collar necklace to symbolize their mark on him (Charles is furious when he sees it for the first time, Pierre did not have a good time).

Did Carlos have to get Christian's and GP's approval before he started the romantic/sexual part of his relationship with Max? If so how did that go? When did Daniel get added to the dynamic? You mention how Carlos just started to lead Max around and finally led him to the kiss which turned to more.

Carlos and Daniel just being in his place ready to catch him when he wants to rest. I loved the both touching part of "they care about me" and "If he breaks down in the wrong place people will die"

In one of your responses you mentioned "discipline". Can you show/explain some examples of what they are or when they were used (On any of the 3 rb drivers because while I think rb wants Daniel and Carlos to be disposable, Max likes them too much for them to be able to get rid of them in the way they did for that one employee you mentioned in 2nd ficlet)

Anyways, I love Dark RedBull and the way your mind has been coming up with progressions because I would never of thought of some of the plot points you give us! Make sure you rest and eat, college students unite!

carlos and max!! the way max really does deeply care for both of them, and in a semi-twisted way they do actually love him back- it just also happens that their jobs depend on it.

carlos was brought into the crime side as soon as his relationship with max moved into a romantic/sexual aspect. redbull pulled him aside after they saw the way max was using him as emotional support/an emotional safe space, and they basically told him "you can take that further, but if you fuck it up we're going to kill you", and also "if you're going to be around him like that you need to be able to defend him".

daniel got the same kind of speech. there are many guns scattered across the factory, and more than a few in max's "flat".

I use flat loosely because you'll notice in the max pov, he says his room at the factory. that's because max has his own space, literally within the factory on one of the higher floors. it's basically a fully kitted out apartment, except he uses his employee badge to get in.

the trackers!! so happy you picked up on the placement there, it was very intentional. the one in his spine is hard to get to without a dedicated surgical team who knows exactly where they're looking- otherwise the damage would be immense.

same with the ankle. if it was removed, he definitely wouldn't be able to drive anymore. couldn't run, couldn't really walk without a slight limp and a lot of PT.

if anyone ever tried to steal max so he could drive for them, they wouldn't be able to remove the trackers without max also becoming unable to drive.

it's by far the most permanent claim redbull has on him- they can't be removed without permanent damage.

daniel and carlos's list is the golden egg of rbr tbh. it's come in handy many, many times.

I'll make a timeline post when I compile stuff for the eventual ao3 post, but until then it's mostly vibes unless I specify lol

the bracelets and the necklace. oh man. christian and GP do spend a lot of time getting it just right, and then the actual screw is customized, so it's different from any of the other love lock bracelets. christian has the tool to open it, and max doesn't, so they're permanent.

the bracelet he gets from daniel and carlos is also permanent. it's not that the clasp is weird and he can't figure it out- it's that it's a permanent locking mechanism, and isn't designed to be removable.

it's so complicated with the three of them. daniel and carlos really do want to take care of max, and they really do love him, but there's also the metaphorical guillotine over their heads. they're both very aware that max being upset at the wrong time or the wrong place could end up with problems, so they have the responsibility of trying to keep him emotionally regulated. they take it very seriously.

ficlets I will be writing: adding daniel to the dynamic, discipline, max redbull reunion

thank you!! once again, thrilled that people are enjoying darkbull as I try and get the brainworm out lol. college students on top raaaahhhh 🦅