#like youre just being weird youre just behaving badly jesus

[faunandfloraas]

Didn't look at twt all day but then the first thing I see is someone being like Um. No. it is okay that we track down lee knows friends personal accounts and leave invasive comments on their posts about him bc one of them liked a comment one time! And I'm just sitting here like 😐

[heartofsnark]

Honey, I Laugh When It Sinks In. (Johnny/Fem!V) NSFW

Note: So, ya girl’s having whore hours. And I wrote Johnny getting his butthole reamed by my fem!V’s strap. 

Warnings: peggings, assplay, sex toys, oral sex, cum fixation, dumb jokes

Summary:  Johnny's got his body back, that's nice. Both him and V are super alive, doing great things. Those great things do mostly involved fucking each other and denying the fact they love each other; because they're dumbasses. But more importantly, now that Johnny can interact with real life object, V has a chance to fuck him with a strap-on. And doesn't that just sound like a fun time.

The fact that Johnny to some degree likes his ass played with is a secret to absolutely no one. But especially not to V, she’s not sure the two could have secrets from each other after their time being brain roommates. Dreams of his memories haunted her for months and the guy did a lot of fucking. It wasn’t uncommon to fall asleep and find herself in Johnny’s skin being reamed by Rogue’s strap-on or getting fucked after letting Kerry top for a change.  

There’s not a lot of mystery left between V and Johnny, to say the least.

But, for some reason, Johnny’s ass has remained uncharted territory for the merc. Well, maybe not for no reason at all. Most of their sex life has been while he’s a digital ghost rattling around in her skull and unable to interact with real life objects. And she never quite had the courage to see if that limitation included strap-ons and butt plugs, though she has a sneaking suspicion it probably did, she doubts Arasaka included a butthole exploit in their tech.

However, the two are no longer dependent on Arasaka’s ass related limits. He’s real, now, out of her skull and back in the flesh. His original flesh even, after they found it in the depths of Arasaka’s bullshit amongst the other bodies the corp had gotten their hands on over the years.

It was a whole thing; but he’s here now and they’re fucking again. Because that’s apparently just what they do. Probably because she’s hopelessly… infatuated with him and knows casual sex is probably all she’ll ever get. Because he clearly still loves Rogue and could never want her beyond sex-

V promptly smacks herself in the head, groaning as her thoughts begin to spiral. She twists in her bed, crushing a pillow to her chest. Trying to hype herself up into asking for a chance to peg Johnny turned into wallowing about her stupid fucking feelings. Because every thought about him turns into wallowing about her stupid fucking feelings.

She hears the shower turn off, having nagged Johnny into taking one as soon as they got home. Which means it’s almost time to ask and she wonders why this is making butterflies swim in her stomach, why she’s so nervous? The merc is no stranger to pegging or taking control in the bedroom.

Maybe because she does lean towards the submissive side of things and Johnny leans towards the dominant, the rockerboy having taken charge in most of their bedroom interactions. Maybe because it’s Johnny and the idea that he may not feel comfortable doing this with her, the idea that there’s a part of him he’d give others but not her, makes a pit form in her gut.

She drops the pillow and lightly smacks herself in the head again; for fucks sake she’s asking to peg the man, not asking for his hand in marriage. Not that she would ever ask for that… That would be weird. Her face is bright red at that thought, feeling like a school girl fantasizing about being Mrs. Silverhand someday. Mrs. Linder?

Both of those sound awful, actually.

There’s the padding of footsteps across her apartment as Johnny leaves the bathroom. The merc moving to sit at the edge of the bed as he comes walking closer. Her favorite geriatric rockerboy, condolences to Kerry, is absolutely shameless and as much as she chides him, she certainly doesn’t mind the show.

Johnny is completely naked, save for a towel casually on his shoulders as he ruffles it through his overgrown dark hair. Damn near every inch of skin and chrome on display to the merc. Her mouth dries as she watches a bead of water run down his stomach, past the inked skin of his ribs. V’s eyes then shift to get a look at his ass, her fixation of the night. He’s on the flatter side, to say the least, broad shoulders and narrow trim hips. But it belongs to him and thats all that matters, pancake ass or otherwise.

“You’re tracking water everywhere,” she scolds him, comfortably using her voice around him. Maybe due to left over remnants of his own brain in hers or just because it’s Johnny.

“Eh,  Nibbles will clean it up.”

“What part of  ‘don’t let him drink shower water’ do you not understand?”

“The part where you tell me what to do.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute, you know that?”

“Am I?”

He’s suddenly in her face, hands pressed to the mattress on each side of her hips, as he leans into her space. A smirk on his lips, damp hair falling into his eyes, and forehead nearly knocking into her own. She can feel the heat coming off his body, the droplets of water rolling off his skin and onto hers. And before another word can be said they’re kissing, drawn to each other in a way neither can explain, coming together like this as natural as breathing.

It feels like a tingle of electricity under her skin wherever her touches, every cell in her body begging for his tongue. The pure relief of feeling his tongue push into her mouth, to feel the scratch of his beard on her skin. It feels right, every time, as if this is just how they’re meant to be. Like a part of her soul is finally slotting back into place.

She wraps her arms around his neck, tangling her fingers in his wet hair as he kisses her, deep and heavy. The taste of cigarette smoke and mint gum still clinging to his tongue, the latter meant to help suppress the cravings for the former. Different from how his kisses tasted as an engram, but still so distinctly him.

V breaks the lip locks when his hands start to push under her shirt, a soft whimper on her lips, as badly as she wants him anyway she can get him, she can’t lose her nerve in asking for what she wants most tonight. His mouth is on her neck in a second, licking and biting at her pulse point, beard scratching the tender skin as she gasps.

“Johnny, I.. fuck,” she whines as he bites at the skin, “can, uh, fuck, can I… peg you?”

His mouth stops moving on her neck and that pit in her gut comes back, terrified she ruined something. Wanting to tell him to forget it, pretend she never asked, as he pulls away from her pulse point and she misses his touch, only a second apart and she’s starved for his affection. But then he pulls away enough for her to see his face, the grin on his lips, and it's a rush of relief.

“That what got you acting like a basket case all day?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Fuckin’ knew something was up; acted like you were a second away from humping my leg all day, then send me off to shower all by myself.”

“I wasn’t that bad.”

“You seriously spent all day thinking about fuckin’ my ass, didn’t you?”

“Not all day.”

“Jesus christ,” he lets out something between a laugh and a breath, she can’t help but giggle too, “well, then, show me what you got, princess.”

And she surges forward, clumsily wrenching  her fingers into his hair as she kisses him, teeth nearly clacking together in her messy excitement. Deep but quick, not wanting to spend much longer in this awkward position, she pulls away with a bite to his lower lip.

“Lay down on the bed, for me?” She asks softly when she breaks away, looking up at him with big eyes and a bat of her eyelashes. And she can see for a moment, the mischievous light in his eyes, the impulse to refuse, to be a brat. But he rolls his eyes and does what she asks, behaving for now.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, you know that?” he mimics her words from earlier as plops back with his hair against the pillows and she giggles, scrambling to straddle him. To have him naked beneath her.

And what a sight that makes. Johnny is unfairly gorgeous, something she’s thought for far longer than she’d care to admit. Long dark hair wetting her pillows, deep brown eyes looking up at her with lust, the messy scruff of his beard, the scar over his lip, and the burn scars that trace up the side of his neck.  Beyond the visual, as she settles over him, she can feel his hard cock smearing precum across her skin. Good to know he’s excited.

His hands squeeze her hips, the warmth of flesh and the chill of silver sending sparks up her spine. He squeezes tightly and the hint of a smirk that teases at his lips tells her he’s about to say something stupid.

“Hate to break your heart, V, but, this isn’t exactly what pegging means.”

“I’m not about to just ram a strap-on up your ass dry, Johnny, it’s a process.”

“Oh, I get prep work, damn, didn’t know I was that special.”

“Kiss me before I kill you,” she taunts, leaning over him to capture his lips. She pushes her tongue deep into his mouth, devours that distinct taste of him, getting another fill of it before she forces herself away.

It’s her turn now to latch onto Johnny’s neck, finding a spot to leave a mark not unlike the one he no doubt left her. The taste of his skin beneath her tongue, the heavy sigh of pleasure from his mouth as she sucks, bites and licks. Only when she’s certain, she’s marred his skin, does she pull away with a wet sound. Bruised skin looking back at her. She smiles at her bit of handiwork but can’t admire it for long, wanting to taste him again just as soon as she’s stopped.

V peppers kisses, licks, and bites across his skin. From his shoulder to his jaw, leaving faint little bruises wherever her teeth get involved. He groans and sighs under the touch, just soaking it in, as starved for it as she is. V can feel his cock stiff and leaking against her thigh as she nips his jawline, kisses down and across his throat, to run her tongue along the other side of his neck now. His hands grope and squeeze at her ass as she works him over, feeling the roughness of his scarred skin under her tongue. She gives the same treatment, sucking and biting every inch of flesh she can.

“Fuck,” he curses, rocking his head back further into the pillows, instinctively trying to give her more access.

V shifts her lower body, giving herself room to reach between them and touch him. She wants to make him cum before she even gets the strap in, maybe more than once, overwhelm him with pleasure and get him relaxed before she slides inside fully. The merc wraps her hand around him, feeling the heat and weight of his cock, wet with water and precum. He groans at the touch, a rumble she can feel in his throat as she kisses it.

“Might need an anatomy lesson, sweetheart, that’s not quite my ass,” he taunts, earning him a harsh bite to his neck and a tighter grip on his dick.

“Can you be patient for a fuckin’ minute? I’ll get there when I get there.”

“And will that be some time this year or next? Oh fuck, fuck,” he chokes on his words as she begins stroking him in earnest, using his precum to keep him slick as she works.

The merc has plenty of lube in the little drawer area under her bed, along with all her toys, but for now she wants to stick to the basics. It's just the first round for him and barely a precursor of what's to come. She bites and sucks his neck as she strokes him, first slow and languidly, just feeling every inch of him. Feeling the way he twitches in her hand, the way each stroke brings more precum, how he groans a little louder each time she gets to the head of his cock, flushed red and more sensitive than the rest of him.

Then she starts to get quicker, shorter, almost rougher strokes of her hand, working harder and faster to feel him cum beneath her. His breathing getting quicker, more curses beneath his breath, rumbles of them in his throat. He’s getting close, fingers sinking into her hip tighter and tighter, the other gripping the sheets as she builds his pleasure as high as she can with just her hand.

“Fuck!”

Johnny’s body draws tight, a flush across his skin, as he twitches once more in her hand and cums. White shooting quickly across his stomach and chest, cum sticking to his skin and her’s. It’s nothing compared to how much he’s left inside her before, no floodgates broke open, just enough to make a mess. She shamelessly licks and sucks off what he left on her hand, hearing him groan at the sight, the bitter salty taste of it heavy on her tongue. And she knows it should be gross to her, the taste of it, but she loves it.

Once her hand is licked clean, she moves over him to lave her tongue over his chest, catching the cum that landed over his skin. A rumble of a chuckle in his chest as she works her way down; lapping sweat, water, and cum off of him.

“Swear,  could bust into a cup and you’d down it like water, wouldn’t ya?”

“Fuck off,” she curses against his skin, already having licked the cum off of his rib tattoo, already chasing down drop of it that’s dripped down his stomach.

“Such a little cum whore.” He lazily rubs his hand through her hair, taunting her as she licks his stomach and hips clean of any cum, her face feeling like it’s on fire.

She pulls away from his skin, once she’s convinced she’s gotten most of the cum off his skin and the head of his cock starts to bump her chin.

“Spread,” she demands, trying to maintain some mask of domme-ness as she taps his thigh. Johnny bends his knee, spreading his legs slightly and hands grabbing at the pillow over his head; a painfully beautiful sight to the merc.

“Fuckin’ finally, about time,” he responds, because he’s still an asshole.

“Again, not going in dry, you’re not getting the strap quite yet.”

“Ugh….”

She pinches his thigh and he just grins, finding her annoyance just oh so entertaining. V takes a moment to peel off her shirt, feeling a bit of relief from the fever on her skin, open air hitting her sweaty flesh. And she can feel his eyes on her when she does so, brown eyes staring at her small breasts, following her pierced stiff nipples. As much as he’s bitched about her being a member of the itty bitty titty committee, he seems to always gawk at them when he has a chance.  She likes to think that… means something , but it probably just means he’s a slut.

V considers taking off her panties too, slick and sweat making them stick to her neglected cunt, but that would require far too much maneuvering to make it worth the effort. Especially when tonight isn’t about that. She’s able to balance on her knees to lean over the edge of the bed, rolling out the underneath compartment to get what she needs. And she can feel that stare now hoving on her bent over ass, not that he can even get a decent look at it from where he’s laying. But that won’t stop him from ogling apparently.

“So, when do I get to fuck your ass?” He asks as she’s grabbing lube and a butt plug from her sex toy stash.

“You’ve played with my ass before,” she says, kind of surprised, memories of his fingers and tongue in that specific hole.

“Haven’t fucked it yet, which just seems like a crime, quite frankly.”

“Oh no,” she rolls her eyes, “not a crime, we’ve never done one of those before.”

“Would you let me fuck your ass?”

In a heartbeat, she thinks immediately and is so happy he no longer lives in her skull.

“Hmm, maybe, but it's your ass on the chopping block tonight, I’m ‘fraid.”

“Yours is so much nicer though.”

“Yeah… that’s not saying much, gonna be like fucking a hole in a wooden plank.”

“Or you could just give me a titty fuck, oh wait.”

She grabs the strap-on she intends to use, a big cyan blue one that she’s been waiting entirely too long to try out. And she shakes it in front of him.

“I’m either gonna fuck you or beat you to death with it, I swear to god, Johnny.”

He grins and laughs, she’s laughing too. Unable to help it, their back and forth always bringing a lightness to her chest. It just feels like them, as they should be. Two dumbasses making fun of each other.

V has what she needs except for one other thing, she stretches to reach the night stand and grab her phone, having to lean over Johnny to do so. And she can feel Johnny looking at her funny, brows furrowed for a moment, as he watches her pull up the app she needs.

“Are you checking your fuckin’ email, what is this?”

She laughs, unable to resist a chance to tease;  “Oh yeah, just checking my texts, me and River are supposed to do something after this.”

“Haha, that’s so funny,” he says dryly, a bite to his words, as he suddenly grabs her hair and looks into her eyes, “mention the pig’s name in bed again and I’ll fuck you in front of him.”

His tone is on the harsh side, but his pull in her hair is barely rough enough to feel it. The threat and movement only serving to make her face scarlet and her cunt slicker. Johnny has always had some… jealous, possessive tendencies, especially in the bedroom when she pushes him just a bit. And she knew exactly what she was doing by mentioning River’s name specifically, the former cop always an oddly shaped sore spot for Johnny.

She kisses him, soft and quick, before pulling away. His grip not even hard enough to control her movements.

“It's an app that vibrates the butt plug, Johnny,” she explains, smiling as she quells his worries, though something in her still has to wonder why he has them.

And its faint, but she can see a hint of red come across his cheeks, pink behind the scruff on his cheeks.

“Oh, well, carry on then,” he says, letting go of her hair and running his hand down her back.

“All my attention is on you, promise.”

“Fuckin’ better be,” he grumbles under his breath as he falls back against the pillow, she doesn’t see embarassed Johnny often, his lack of shame truly astounding. But, when she can manage to get him flushed, it's adorable.

“You’re such a gonk.”

“Shouldn’t there be a way to sync it with your neuroware or something, I don’t fuckin’ know.”

“I’m not installing buttplug tech in my brain, Johnny, that’s a malware nightmare waiting to happen.”

“Didn’t have to mention that asshole.”

“Stop pouting, only asshole I’m worried about right now is yours,” she jokes, getting back to where she can comfortable play with him, starting to cover her fingers in a healthy dose of lube.

“Ugh,” he groans, “that was so stupid, its a miracle I’m still hard.”

“Being a slut isn’t a miracle, Johnny.”

“Is the way I do it- fuck,”  he gasps and curses as she slides a lubed up finger inside of him, “you could fuckin’ warn a guy.”

“You said you wanted me to hurry up, you don’t get to bitch about it now.”

He lets out a quiet groan as she works one finger inside of him, feeling the heat of him around the digit. V has small fingers, one of many drawbacks to her petite stature. One finger doesn’t even stretch him, more so just getting lube into him, so everything that comes next has an easier time sliding in. She leaves him empty for just a moment as she coats a second finger in lube and begins to work both digits inside of him.

Tighter with a second finger added, stretching him a bit more as she shifts and scissors them inside of him. He groans a bit at the added pleasure, but his sounds are still soft, her fingers not thick or long enough to give him exactly what he needs. More lube and she adds a third finger, which makes him curses, cock twitching as she does her best to prepare him.

With her other hand she starts to stroke his dick, earning a deep throaty sound, the combined pleasure making him nosier. V works faster, wanting to wring more of those sounds from him, As she works her fingers inside of him quicker, fucking them into him as deeply and fast as she can, a soft squelching noise starts to ring out combining with the wet slide of her hand on his cock.  His hips squirm and writhe, bringing himself down further on her fingers, just to thrust up into her hand.

“Fuck,” he’s reaching up and gripping the pillows again, expression tight as she toys with him, “fuck, fuck, V!”

His cock twitches in her hand she moves to wrap her lips around the head of it, swirling her tongue over his heated skin just as he cums, something between a curse and a growl as he paints the inside of her mouth white. That same salty bitter taste coating her tongue, more of it this time, that she swallows down without shame. She pulls her mouth off of him with a wet pop, her fingers leaving him with another squelching sound.

“Needed it straight from the tap this time?” He tries to sass her, but his voice is a breathy rasp.

“Gon-gonna make you cum one more time before I use the strap, alright?”

Something between a whine and groan leaves his lips, but he spreads his thighs a little wider, pushes his head a bit further back against the pillows. She rolls her eyes, just thankful his stamina is good enough to withstand all the overstimulation. V covers the butt plug in lube, a black silicone one with a flared base, tech inside to make it vibrate. Once it’s covered, slick as it can be, she gently pushes Johnny’s thigh a little big further out and slides it inside, Johnny cussing at the wider stretch of the toy compared to her fingers. There’s not much resistance to the stretch of it inside of him, every fiber of her dying to tease him for being a slut. But she stays nice, instead grabbing her phone with the app open.

Johnny honestly, probably doesn’t need as much prep work as she’s doing, Though, she is mostly doing it because watching him cum his brains out is a fun time. But he clearly is ready for the main attraction of the evening, her strap. So, she won’t drag this one out too long, she decides looking over the vibration settings and hitting the highest.

“Jesus fuck!” He yells out, not expecting the intense vibrations of the plug. His hips grinding and thrusting, squirming from the pleasure of it buzzing against his prostate. The whirr of the toy audible even through his groans and moans.

And she can feel her mouth watering at the sight of him trying not to whimper against the buzz of the toy, hips moving on instinct as it works it’s magic, hard flushed cock twitching with pleasure. V grabs his narrow hips and pins them down against the bed, feeling him squirm under her touch. And she takes his cock back into her mouth, but this time she doesn’t hesitate to swallow him down as deeply as she can, feeling the slide of it on her tongue, the head pressing into her throat.

“God damn it,” he curses and both his hands grab at the back of her head, pressing her down further, “you need more fuckin’ cum?”

She gags a little as he starts fucking her face, no longer able to keep his hips pinned, as he keeps her head in place. V relaxes her throat as best she can, just letting him use it as a fleshlight while the plug vibrates inside of him.  His pace is brutal, trying to match the intensity of the vibration as he fucks her throat.

“Such a fuckin’ whore for my cum, two loads not enough, huh, princess? Needed to feel me cum down your fuckin’ throat too?”

She’s unable to respond, too busy being choked on Johnny’s cock, mouth a drooling mess as he fucks her face. But each word, little comment and taunt makes her clit throb, makes her that much wetter. And the thought of reaching down and fingering herself is so tempting, but Johnny isn’t going to last long. Between her throat around his cock and the toy in his ass, if she bothers to touch herself, she’ll only work herself up more.

Sure enough, just a few more messy thrusts, then his cock is throbbing against her tongue and he’s cumming down her throat just like he promised. That familiar taste coating her mouth as she swallows every last drop, even when she catches herself nearly coughing on it.

He pulls his hands from her hair, still whining as the toy vibrates, V having to take a minute to come up for air and catch her breath. Once the lightheaded feeling passes away she grabs her phone and turns off the vibrating, Johnny’s body relaxing as he gets a break from stimulation, though not for long. She gives him a moment to adjust before softly pulling the plug out of him, earning a sound suspiciously close to a whimper. V puts the plug aside and grabs the strap, Johnny catching his breath, still hard and leaking by some miracle,  as she secures it over her underwear.

A bright vivid blue strap, thick and long. She slathers it in lube, no such thing as too wet, as she empties the rest of the tube over the toy. The blue silicone shining with the slick gel. Johnny watches her as she lubes it up, she can nearly feel the impatience radiating off of him.

“Any position you prefer for this?” She asks, wanting to make sure he’s as comfortable as possible. Johnny responds by rolling over onto his knees, ass up in the air with his face in the pillow.

“Should be easier like this,” he murmurs into the pillow and then chooses to wiggle his ass at her, like the weirdo he is.

“Don’t exactly have much worth shaking, Johnny,” she taunts, giving him a small sharp smack to the ass.

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to fuck it so bad.”

She rolls her eyes and prepares to finally peg Johnny. She’s on her knees behind him and would like to line up her toy with his asshole, but… there seems to be a newly discovered logistical issue. She tries to raise herself up higher, but her hips can’t quite align with his ass. She’s well aware that Johnny is over a foot taller than her, but it only becomes a problem at the weirdest of times. She kind of assumed since he can fuck her from behind, she’d have no trouble returning the favor, but… alas.

“Can you get your butt any lower?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No… “

“This is what I get for fuckin’ a hobbit, I swear.”

“Just lower your ass, please.”

Johnny does his best to bring his ass down as low as he can and with a little finagling and the knowledge that she’ll probably have awful leg cramps for it, she’s able to get the head of the strap aligned with his hole.

She grips his hips and brings him back onto it as she slowly slides it inside as deeply as she can. A long low groan leaves Johnny’s throat, something that sounds like the word ‘finally’ With a bit of effort, she’s able to start slowly thrusting into him, watching it slide in and out of him. Hearing each grunt and curse as she fills him, the squelching of the strap sliding inside his slick hole. Slow direct long pushes into him, her thigh muscles already burning from the effort.

V runs her hand down the expanse of his back, the freckled skin of his shoulders, and she wants to kiss it. To kiss his  back and shoulders while she fucks him. And when she does her best to lay further over his back, she can barely kiss his shoulders with entirely too much effort, she must look ridiculous. This is ridiculous, she finds herself giggling, stomach hurting as she laughs.

“Are you- are you laughing?” Johnny asks, voice incredulous and she feels bad to beg him for a chance to do this, but in this position it’s just not working well.

“I’m sorry, I just, I feel like a Chihuahua trying to hump a Doberman, Johnny.” She says through laughter as she pulls the strap-on out of him. And he’s laughing too, chuckling as he rolls back over, staring at her.

And she’s sure she looks ridiculous, red faced and giggling with a blue lubed strap-on around her hips. She buries her face in her hands, unable to stop laughing at how fucking ridiculous it is, she’s too short to peg that way. Then his hands are wrapping around her wrists and he’s pulling them down, back in her space. And there’s a soft smile on his lips, that forms soft wrinkles around his eyes, a gentleness in his gaze. He’s so pretty and she can’t even fuck him right, the world is cruel. Johnny kisses her through her laugher, a soft press of their lips, before he pulls away. He lays back against the pillows, like he was before the not so bright idea of trying doggy style.

“Here,” he spreads his legs, smile still on his lips, “let’s try it like this.”

“Thank you,” she says through a giggle, moving to try this again.

It’s much easier with him laying down on his back, able to raise his hips easily to meet the strap-on. And she can look at his face now, which she definitely considers a plus. She can stay in a comfortable kneeling position as she lines it up perfectly and sinks into him again. His teeth sink into his bottom lip, head shifting back as she fills him again. Comfortably so this time and able to see his cock leaking precum onto his stomach as she fucks him.

Her nails dig into his hips as she begins thrusting into him, listening to the wet sound of it pushing inside of him. She keeps her motions slow and smooth, not wanting to fuck him senseless quite yet, watching for ever sharp intake of air from him. Staring at the flush across his skin, the sheen of sweat across his flesh. The groans, the sighs, and curses he lets out with every thrust of the toy into him.

“Faster, V, fuck, I ain’t gonna break.”

“Know what I’m doing,” she says,  just barely speeds up, wanting to tease him, to drag it out.

“That remains to be seen, fuck, c’mon, harder,” he tries to demand, writing his hips to meet each thrust of the strap, trying to change the pace.

“Nothing wrong with me taking my time, patience won’t kill you,” she teases, getting just a little harsher with the thrusts, just enough to hear the slap of her thighs hitting his, the soft pap of skin hitting skin. And he groans, eyes closed for a minute before opening again, a look in them that she’s seen too many times before.

“Nah, fuck this,” he says, then she’s being pushed back, metal and flesh hand shoving her against the bed as the world shifts around her.

“Hey!” She yells out as she’s suddenly on her back, looking up at Johnny who’s now straddling her hips. But she doesn’t have it in her to be mad, not when he’s naked on top of her, with hair falling into his eyes.

The shift in position made the strap-on slide out of him again, but Johnny wastes no time, bringing his ass down onto it, filling himself with the dildo. And she realizes he’s going to ride it cowgirl… cowboy style. He leans puts his hands back on the bed behind him, for leverage as he begins to do just that, bouncing on the silicone cock, hard and fast.

“Won’t fuck me right, gotta do it my goddamn self.”

“Swear to fuck,” she squeezes his hips, watching the way his cock bounces as he fucks himself on her strap, “next time I’m tying you down and gagging you.”

“Look forward to it,” he says, a wicked grin telling her how powerful her threat really is.

Johnny sets a brutal pace, as he’s one to do, his weight coming down on his hips heavy and powerful with every bounce. He barely pulls himself off of it with every movement, lifting himself just an inch off the slick toy before he’s bringing his weight back down. Its desperate, frenetic movements, just fucking himself on the toy. Each movement brings the slap of flesh clapping together, the squelch of the toy pushing into him, and the soft grind of the strap’s harness into her clit through her underwear. Not enough to get her off, but enough to make her whine.

And she tries to meet his pace, to thrust up into him, but Johnny doesn’t give her a chance, every time his weight comes down on her, it pins her hips in place, leaves her to lay there and let him have his fun. Just to watch as he rides it, as it slides in and out of him, barely out as he’s just desperate to grind the toy into the deepest parts of him. Let her mouth water as she watches his flushed red cock drip with precum and bounce along with his body.

“Fuck, you look so good like this, Johnny,” she tells him, just staring and Johnny groans, grinding himself down onto the dildo.

“Yeah,” his voice is breathy, panting through the words, “like watching me ride your cock?”

“Mmhmm, so fuckin’ beautiful…”

Her words trail off vaguely, squeezing his hips, just staring at him. Sweaty tanned skin, the ink that marks his ribs and arm, the rough flesh of his scars, freckles she could map out with her tongue if he let her. Broad shoulders, muscled bicep on one side and solid chrome on the other. Long dark hair with those deep brown eyes. The thick trail of hair that goes down his stomach. The trim narrow hips grinding him down onto the blue toy, his thick cock that really does deserve all the hype he gives it.

“Christ V,” he curses, voice rough and she can see the flush across his cheeks again, “stop fuckin’ looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” She asks, watching him rub a hand over his face, why is he embarrassed? Does he not expect her to look at him when he’s fucking himself on her silicone dick?

“Like, like, fuck!”

V gasps as his body goes tight, cock twitching as cum splashes across chest and chin, hot on her skin. A stray drop hitting her lip, only there for a moment before she licks it off, Johnny goes slack on top of her. Body relaxed and loose as his orgasms works its way through him, cock throbbing as a few more dribbles of cum drip onto her stomach. After a moment, Johnny curses again, blinking as he comes back to earth. Another moment and he starts to pull himself off of the strap.

“Can’t say that went exactly how I planned, but-eep!”

V squeals as he starts ripping off the strap-on harness, throwing it aside without any care before he’s yanking her underwear off, air hitting her slick cunt. He throws her panties across the apartment without another thought.

“Johnny, what are you do- oh fuck!”

Before she can finish the sentence he’s between her thighs, legs thrown over his shoulder as he buries his tongue inside of her. She grabs onto his hair on instinct as he begins to lick up every drop of slick inside of her, painfully wet after all she’d done to him with no relief for herself. Johnny eats pussy like a man starved, making groans and grunts of pleasure against her core as laps at her insides. Like he could really lick away every drop of slick, even as each swipe of his tongue makes her whine and as she just gets wetter.

Then his mouth is at her swollen clit and she’s seeing stars as focuses in on the most sensitive part of her. Never knowing when he’s going to lick patterns against the bundle of nerves or suck on it, his actions are quick and unpredictable, but everything makes her cry out. Her hips squirm and grind against his face, hands unintentionally pushing her into her center at the same time. Johnny’s arms wrap around hips and pin them to the mattress.

“Fuck, I-I’m close, Johnny, I-”

A harsh suck on her clit, the scratch of his beard against her core, and she’s gone. Toes curling and fingers tight in his hair, a keening moan on her tongue as the world goes blank. Pleasure hitting its peak and overcoming every cell in her body, a mess of her wet coating Johnny’s tongue and chin, that he licks up without hesitation.

After another moment he comes up for air, leaving her boneless and panting as she tries to get her bearings back. She didn’t expect for Johnny to touch her like the, meaning for the night to be completely about the pegging, but she really should have known. V’s sure the rockerboy would take it as personal offense if she didn’t cum at least once during sex with him.

The merc is pulled up to the pillows and against Johnny’s chest, the two settling in as they catch their breath. She’s sure the apartment is a wreck right now, things thrown haphazardly, there’s lube in her bedsheets, but can’t find the energy to truly care. V buries her head into his chest, listening to his heartbeat, smelling the musk of his skin, at peace just laying here against him.

“Can’t sleep with your hearing aids in, you know that, V,” Johnny says, skimming his fingers over the shell of her ears, just barely touching the little devices.

“I can sometimes…” She whines, wanting to fully hear his heartbeat and snoring while she sleeps. .

“And you’ll wake up with your ears rubbed raw.”

She glares up at him, pouting as he takes her hearing aids out for her, putting them on the side table. He looks back down at her, then brings his hands as high as he can so she can see them.

“Good night, princess,” he signs and she can’t be upset anymore, the sight of his admittedly sloppy sign language always making her heart melt. A flush of red crawling up her cheeks as she nuzzles her face into his chest, unable to hear his heartbeat, but still feeling the rise and fall of his chest with every breath. Mururing a good night against his skin as she drifts off.

[tipsydipsydo]

Tipsy!!! I wanted to play the game with Jimin. Truth: What is your favorite way of ruining your partner? Dare: I want you to look at me and touch yourself. Show me how much you want to do those things.

Gender of the reader: female

*a very naughty and smug smile that you already know all too well manifests on Jimin's lips. He cocks questionly an eyebrow at you, loves the way how you get all shy by his inappropriate teasing. Your inexperience, your pure innocence is something that drives Jimin insane. Thanks to you he figured one another of his kinks out.*

"Oh Baby Girl... are you curious about my dark side? My dark kinks? You know, I'm a very patient man and wouldn't do anything about your consent, right? Really, I could never hurt you! But still... there are some pretty naughty fantasies in my head. We never have to try these things out but you asked for it, so I'll tell you. You're so sweet, kind and innocent... your inexperience and innocence are killing me. Honestly, I've never thought that I would be into it like Namjoon but... well, I guess I kinda have a thing for corrupting your sweet pure mind. Fuck, you have no Idea how hard it's always to me to slow down and give you the time you need... the moment I took your virginity, the urge to bury my girthy cock deep into you was so incredibly big... the urge to knock you up with my babies too. Fuck yeah, I know that's pretty weird and sick ugh. Nevertheless, I want you to know that I wouldn't do that without your consent! Aghh, sometimes I really hate my brain! Babe... the imagine that I have in my wrecked mind right now... oh Jesus Christ, I want you to bounce on my cock with your nice and round belly, pregnant with my Baby... swollen Tits, puffy nipples, leaking with milk for my cute little Baby... fuck, the Imagination of you being so fertile but still so pure and innocent- that I could knock you up with my cum... this is one of my really dark fantasies. Wanna teach you all the naughty stuff in those 9 months, wanna wreck your pure mind with my filthy thoughts... fucking even more cum into your pregnant womb while you're all shy and flustered. God, what are you doing to me, Baby Girl?!"

*A longing sigh comes out of Jimin's throat, his eyes rolls back into his skull in such an elegant manner that should be forbitten. His Jaw tenses up, his dangerously long tongue wet his plush lips before he re-positions himself. You gulp dryly, the way he spreads his thighs and opens his belt alone leaves you hot and bothered.*

"Ohh? Seems like my naughty confession didn't scared you away, I'm relieved! Even more... you want me to show you how badly I want to do those filthy things to you? You want to see how fucking turned on I am by these thoughts? Then look, Baby. Yeah, that's right Baby Girl, look down on my crotch. Do you see the massive bulge in my tight jeans? It's almost painful in here, my cock is rock hard for you, I can feel how the precum stains my boxer briefs. I'm gonna take it out now, just for you. To prove you how crazy these thoughts drives me, to show you how angry red my cock head is, how swollen and thick my girth is and how sensitive I am already. You have no Idea how much I crave it to fuck raw, to pump all my cum into your tight, needy pussy until it's filled to the brim and spill out of your gaping, clenching hole. My patience is so fucking thin right now, fucking Jesus Christ, don't rub your juicy thighs together like that or I'll split you open with my cock in the next half second! Behave, little one. If not and you want to be a brat, then I'll make sure that you wouldn't able to walk the next days!"

© tipsydipsydo. All Rights reserved.

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[duskdragonxiii]

tell us your toy story 4 thoughts dusky

Ok you made this can of worms and now you have to die in it

Toy story 4 was the worst entry in the series by far, which i guess wasn't too difficult bc the first 3 films had already been great- and that is very very rare that all films in a 3 part series are good and not unnecessary. Its a shame TS4 came along and broke the trend. They should have ended it with 3 where it felt it ended, that was the natural end to the story

It is completely contradictory to woody's previous (and complete) character arc. Woody in this film completely reverts back to his previous state of being a shithead who's jealous of other people getting attention. The previous 3 films were about woody getting past his fear of abandonment and accepting that things change and life goes on. IMMEDIATELY the film opens on woody hating the fact Bonnie gave the Sherrifs badge to another toy and left him in the cupboard. Like ok, sure, maybe woody would still be a little jealous of not being played with, but not the way he behaves about it. if they wanted to address these themes again they would have been so much better making Jessie the focus of the movie since her issues with abandonment are so much worse and so much fresher.

Buzz Lightyear, though he had been gradually dumbed down and was never very intelligent- suddenly has no brains whatsoever. He's not much more than a joke now. Haha Buzz doesn't know what thoughts are isn't that funny. Yea he was a joke in TS3 too im not going to pretend he wasn't, but he and woody's friendship was still a key element in there. In TS4 he does..... Nothing.

Don't even get me started on Bo. Bo hasn't been present since TS2 and even in TS1 her role was absolute minimal. Her purpose really served as nothing but a jealousy pivot plot device in the development of Woody and Buzz' friendship. In TS4 they changed her entirely. She's not the same character anymore. We get it, you wanted a badass heroine in there for the Rep but [gestures to Jessie again] you really missed this. This movie could have had SO MUCH POTENTIAL if you had just REMEMBERED JESSIE IS THERE. We did not need Bo Peep and her weird "lets give woody a girlfriend" plot. Something something she helped woody find the next part of his life- except for the fact the ENTIRITY of this story is unnecessary.

The very focus of this whole saga is how best friends should stick together no-matter what. You've got a friend in me. Too bad that's out the window. Woody is fine leaving the gang to go and wander with Bo- contradicting the entire message of the previous films.

I get what they were trying to go for with forky, but given the context of the film compared to its predecessors its just totally lost. It's really overshadowed by what the hell else is going on- to the point i barely rmember what that plot was about. What was the point of Forky. It was a good premise and opened up all the mysteries of what qualifies as a toy and like how they're made and such and that even the simple things are important to a child but. He doesn't seem to serve as much more than a plot device either- because how the fuck are they gonna make a 4th movie in a finished franchise. In the end thats what forky feels like.

They bigged TS4 up for having very heavy themes never before addressed in an animated film for children and stuff in it and for being heartbreaking- but it did not meet those expectations in the slightest. I bawled my eyes out at TS3. My DAD cried at TS3. But TS4 didn't deliver at all. Those heavy themes they talked about? With the introduction of forky I expected it to be something about identity or something. That potential was there. But.... no it was organ donation. I'm not saying that's not a big thing, but overall it had so fucking little impact at all. They are toys. And in the end it would have no impact on woody anyway, because Bonnie would never find out, because HE FUCKING LEAVES THE GROUP. If you wanted to address organ donation SURELY you should have had him give up a part of himself and STILL be welcomed back lovingly among his friends who would support his decision. Surely Bonnie would be sad that her toy suddenly stopped working, but she would love him anyway. But she never knows because Woody becomes "lost". Bonnie is about 3-4 years old right? She absolutely has object permeance and when she discovered her cowboy is missing she will be so sad. She has other toys, but not that one. Do you people not remember TS3.

Tbh i do not even remember this movie that well. I saw it once in cinemas and was so incredibly disappointed I have never watched it again. So my points may be a little off bc ofc this is just my understanding of this film. But it annoys me so much to the point praise for it makes me want to hit people. They could have done so much better. It was an unneccssary sequel. they would have been better using similar story for a completely unrelated (preferably new) franchise instead of capitalising badly on characters who are already whole and loved. Animation is a hell industry under capitalism and TS4 ended up feeling more like a graphics showcase than a heart filled movie. I could probably go on but jesus christ i. sorry

[madllamamomma]

I Think I Have a Problem.... (A personal true story).

So as the title suggests, I have a strange problem…. Just as a warning, this is about my view of my younger self. It is about religion, and gender identity. This is not how I see the world anymore. It was how I told how the world should look. If you are offended in any way, please know this is a vent post and nothing to hurt anyone else. This is just what happened to me as a child. Shit….. This is about to get very long winded, so buckle up and here we go… *takes deep breath*

So a little backstory on your Mother Llama: I was raised in a weird backward ass “Independent” Baptist church most of my young life. If you guys don’t know what those are, be thankful…. But I guess I should explain it the best way I can…. they are a borderline cult. Yes. I said it. I’m not sorry. It may sound like an extreme accusation, but hold on. Just listen to me.

Now, I have no problem with Christians, or religion. You should believe whatever you want to believe in…. I do however, have a problem when religion is used as an excuse to not educate minds about the real world, force them to not let them think for themselves, and when someone questions any of it, they are punished or shamed for it instead of thinking about an answer. If you can’t tell, I am still a little angry about that shit. Imma try to keep on topic here….

I wasn’t taught science (real science anyways, it was all about ‘creation’ bs—OH! And being anything but a cis straight person was compleltly unexceptable. Woman were the weaker sex and were made to raise babies and take care of the husband. Men were superior and should be taken care of.) nor about World history or about other cultures, other than biblical of course. And when they were mentioned, they made them look evil and behave like heathens because they didn’t believe the same as they did. Everything changed when I went to public school half of fourth grade when my family moved to a different state and there wasn’t any church school like I went to. I learned a lot those years, that ‘The World’ wasn’t as bad of a place as they said it was. It was vast and had many things to offer. (No, not the World, Dio’s stan power from Jojo’s bizarre adventures—that is what our pastors called anything outside of the Baptist approved realm. Something ‘Worldly’ was basically something sinful and ungodly and therefor was bad and wrong).

So this may seem like a strange Segway in to what I am actually getting at, but I had a huge crush on this boy back when I was young and it started when I was about 12 or 13 years old and ended when I was 16. He was the same age as me, and he was the son of a pastor of a small church of about 20 people, mostly military families— we will call him.... D.... for dick...

I thought for a long time that I ‘loved’ D. I thought that ‘God made him for me’ (yes I really said that and it hurt to even write it). I really thought I knew what love was back then, but I was very wrong.

D was homeschooled, he didn’t have many friends and was also a navy brat like I was. So, naturally, we got along very well, and I would hang out with him at his house sometimes. We mainly played video games I was terrible at and he would always bet me. But I liked hanging out with him, so I didn’t care if I won or not. My heart for some reason was totally head over heels over D. And he liked me too for a while… or at least I thought he did… He however never made a move. I always thought D was just too shy, and didn’t know how to ask me. Any time I tried holding his hand, I’d chicken out. It was a stalemate. But this particular church did a thing where people had to court. Yes... COURT someone, not DATE (Courting is where you had adult chaperones keeping an eye on you two, you were never really alone. Ever, because apparently you can’t be trusted?). When we both turned 15 yo, D started a private Christian school. Being the awkward girl I was, I never told him how I felt, I just waiting for him to say something. Time passed, and I still waited and waited for him to ask me out.

But here’s the thing! He didn’t know the real me.

I was in public school, in middle school, and I started to become a weeb. Like a super cringy weeb that didn’t like anything else but anime—I was also kinda emo/punk kid thought I was edgy. (Yeah rock music was bad too, it was ‘Worldly’).Not a very good mix for Baptist I know. At school, I was one person, and at church I was another.

Well, being an anime fan meant I was exposed to a lot of things like the LGTB+ community for the first time. A lot of my friends at the time started to come out other than straight and that was very new to me.

During that time, I soon was starting to secretly question my faith, my understanding of my own sexuality and gender. Like, maybe people liking the same sex or both is actually not a bad thing after all (if you haven’t seen any of my works, hopefully you guys know that I know better that what I was taught—I am a proud fuckin’ ally! I still consider myself cis-straight, but some days I feel like I’m bi-curious, and that’s ok! It took me a long time to realize that, but I’m here now. Gender roles are dead and stupid.)

So here is the kicker~ One faithful day we had a guest pastor join us for a few weeks from another church. This mother fuckin’ nasty ass old white man from Alabama came with his ‘perfect quiet godly’ wife. Who badly ever spoke a damn word. She always just sat in the corner all ‘ladylike’.

—Oh!!! Another fun fact, I didn’t wear pants for a year when I was 10 yo becasue that was considered “cross dressing”— I’m dead fucking serious. My parents then decided after attending sporting events and stuff like that to drop that ludicrous lifestyle, becasue it was stupid. So, Outside of church, my family and I still wore pants and shorts and whatever, but in church we pretended that we didn’t wear anything but modest skirts, dresses, and long culottes. (That’s a little damaging…. don’t you think? Telling people your one thing, when in reality you're not like that at all??)

Anyways— I hated skirts, especially wearing them in the state we lived in, it was way too hot and I’d get chafed (these had to be knee length or longer btw). And of course that guest preacher would preach about the sins of women wearing pants, but I didn’t care. I wore them for so long, it just made me angry anytime someone would bring that up. I liked my jeans and I was starting to become a rebel teen who gave less than a fuck and started to speak my mind. Which was dangerous to that community…. Also I had a bad tendency of not keeping my legs together when I bent down, and one time I accidently showed my underwear (that’s really embarrassing btw, it’s not cute, it’s not funny, it’s awful when you're 14 yo-- really any age actually).

So, one day I wore a long jean skirt for a youth outing with the church. I was required to wear it, but I always wore leggings underneath so I wouldn’t accidentally show my undies if I fell down or the wind blew it. This fucker had to say something about it. The old man turned to me with a wrinkled smirk as I was passing by him and dared to utter, “Now, don’t you feel most femine and ladylike in that skirt? I’m sure Jesus would like seeing you like that.”

My shoulders clench up tight, my brow furrows. All I can remember seeing is fucking red and actually trembling with fury. (This was happening in my pastor, D’s father’s, own living room mind you.) D was there watching as I blanched about ten shades of red in anger and embarrassed because that prick of an old man called me out in front of everyone. I turned to him and half shouted, “NO! I don’t!” I could see my pastor’s mouth drop to the floor as I began to completely obliterate this old man. But I couldn't stop myself as I started to further cut into him. “—I hate wearing skirts! I don’t feel ladylike! In fact, they make me feel vulnerable! What if some guy tries to rape me! They won’t have any problem getting to me!—Why is something with a whole on the bottom more ladylike than something that actually covers me?! I like pants! They are comfortable and they make me feel safe! Why is that a sin to wear something that is more covering?!?! I’m not cross dressing, my mom bought them in the girl’s session!! [Keep in mind that was a long time ago, I don’t feel like people should care about what section they get their clothes from, wear what you want] And what do you know about wearing a skirt?! You’re a man! You try wearing them! They suck! You need to stop telling me what I can and can’t wear! I’m not dressing like a whore for wearing something with a crotch!! SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!” Everyone in the living room was just stunned at my audacity to dare speak to this pastor like I did. But he was so fucking quiet after that. And I stormed out of the house and the guest pastor never spoke to me again about it. Luckily my mom came and picked me shortly after that. She was angry too after I told her what happened. That old fuck singled me out and I was pissed off. I was a teenager and that shit was embarrassing!

But I made the mistake of showing my true self. I think after that moment, D stopped liking me after that.

Some shit went down south with my parents behind closed doors of my household, and eventually they got divorced. They left the small church because the pastor didn’t approve of it. Pastor said that my parents just needed more counseling but he didn't understand that they just needed to not be together. Sometimes you can’t make things work. Especially when your dad is a toxic piece of shit that only cares about himself.

Anyways, everyone in my family left the church, but I stuck around that shit-hole just to see if D would ask me out. I was so desperate, I felt like I waited forever, but really it was like 2-3 years, and I felt like I couldn’t give up. Eventually D and I turned 16. He started to become distant and a little mean towards me and I became confused and started to realize the worst. Finally, I was tired of waiting so I asked his older sister if he liked me on the way back taking me home. I could see it in her face, that she didn’t want to have my heart broken, but reluctantly she told me no. He actually liked another girl at his new private school and was going to ask her parents to court her instead.

I was so devastated.... It hurt so much, I cried myself to sleep that night, and most of that week I was very sad.

Obviously, after that, I stopped going to church entirely, I couldn't show my face anymore. Finally let myself question my faith, sexuality, gender roles, and humanity all together. And realized that religion was stupid (in my opinion at the time) and I came u with the conclusion that people can be sheep. I was a sheep for a long time. And I refuse to be one ever again.

High school was very enjoyable after that, and I let myself grow and started to love other religions and world history, and tried to stop being so judgmental of others and what they felt like. I even got into a relationship with a sweet boy around my age.

Eventually in college, after a break-up with my high school sweetheart, I reconnected with D via FB. Apparently, the church went under and his parents moved away to Greece to be missionaries or something. D still lives in the same town I’m in, but graduated from a “Christian academy”—not Catholic, Christian. Catholic colleges are accredited at least. But he basically told me he was a secret “bad boy” now. He lost his virginity in highschool, (like I did) and he was totally trying to booty call me. Not even hiding it either! He was like, “Hey, Llama, you wanna fuck?”.

And I was like, “D! You broke my fucking heart when we were young! Don’t you remember that???”

And he was like, “Oh no! I had no idea! (the fuckin’ liar). Well, we can fuck now!~ *wink, wink*”

🤨

This is where I was a jerk.... Because he broke my heart. I led him on, told him I would meet up with him at his house to sleep with him, and just didn’t show up—ghosted him ever since. The worst part about that, is I still don’t regret doing that to him. I hope I hurt his feelings and felt like an ass like I did.

So years have passed, I consider myself as a rather successful woman now. I’m 27, I consider myself Buddhist (I am a terrible Buddhist I know), I am an Occupational Therapy Assistant and I have a great husband (I married the guy I was with in high school). And he loves the real me—the crazy closet weeb, cartoon watching, creative, expressive, me! The person who also writes fanfiction about a romance novel and he is fine with it. Because he is a huge nerd too and we are both nerds together.

My husband is my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without him. When I write about Rhemi and Muriel, I draw a lot of inspiration with our conversation we have and how relationship dynamics are and I think it makes the writing more authentic and makes them feel a bit more real.

I love my husband more than anything… So why do I keep dreaming about that stupid asshole that just liked the fake me? D was and always will be a total tool. He is like the basic bitch of a man. And yet I still find him creeping in my dreams and I try to cheat on my husband with him in them. I wake up feeling totally terrible and weird after them too. D is a terrible fucking person—the worst person you can be in my opinion—The kind of person why lies and tells people one thing, but hides the fact that he’s really just a nasty fuck boy. If you are one, just be honest! Don’t tell another woman you're a good christan man, when really you’ve slept with not just one, but multiple girls! That how you get fucking STDs! I hate being lied to, and I’m sure other girls do too! So I guess that’s why I do, because I felt like I was lied to my entire life. Then again, why should I even care?! Why do I feel like I still obsess over him? I hate him so much now! So why do I even care? Why do I still find myself stalking him on social media? Why does it even matter? Why do I want him to see I’m happy without him? Why do I want him to see what he could have had with me? We were just stupid teenagers! Why did I care so much? Why did it hurt so much when I found out he didn’t like me?! It’s been over a decade, and we didn’t even really date! Why did this affect me so hard? …. FUCK!

So yeah. That’s my long ass rant for you all… thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[phidiaspickle]

We find it very telling that p-redux is not the least bit curious or neutral when it comes to Tony Mcgill. Even the most obtuse person could intuitively sense that he does not check out and something is fishy. As a fan of Cait she should be a little concerned. Wait her she is

instead of neutrality or concern she choose to elaborate and lie. Which makes matters worse. Everyone who googled him is lead straight to her trail of crap. Either she is deliberately trying to ruin him, is genuinely obtuse or she isn’t worried about Cait because she has nothing to loose because the marriage is a sham.

Cait would have been better off if her team just said simply her finance is a regular guy and manages a pub. All this “ music producer” and music maestro etc did her in. People go oh! Music producer. Wonder what he’s produced. Let’s have a see. Oh that’s weird nothing credible? Odd right? Oh so he owns two venues ooooohhh how glamorous. Let’s have a see. Oh he leases one space and the “ other bar” is just a room on the third floor? Modesty goes a very long way.

Your post on Tony's friends Gerry posting that Tony claimed to be baby Jesus himself and is a teller of tales is more relevant than ever now. He obviously has a history of stretching the truth and seems to be well known for it! Lol.

Where you see someone quietly supporting Cait the sidelines others see someone who loves the limelight and makes it to all the big public events. I got to hand it to the sly devil he certainly hit payday with that match. Former model and now successful actress. He hit pay dirt! He’s laughing all the way to the bank!

Whew! WTF? I have no idea why I received these anons and what exactly they are trying to say with some of it. “baby Jesus”????? 

Ok, I’m going to try to do my best with this. Do I think p-redux is neutral? No I don’t.  Do I think think that causes her to lie or mislead people? No I don’t.        P has stated, I believe, that way back at the beginning of OL that she was a Sam/Cait shipper for a short while, but found info that made her believe that they weren’t a couple. If she wasn’t neutral then she would have hidden this info or tried to twist it to suit her own narrative. She didn’t. She told people what she had found. And then was called a liar and treated horribly by people who didn’t want to know the truth, by people whose non-neutrality causes them to mislead and lie and spread hate. But as far as I can see all she’s ever tried to do is pass on what info comes to her. Yes, she likes it were the info proves she wasn’t/isn’t lying, but who wouldn’t? She doesn’t deny that she has behaved badly in the past or made mistakes. But she has apologized for it, sincerely I believe, and doesn’t behave in inappropriate ways now as far as I know. So, no she’s not neutral, but I don’t believe she hides or twists the info she finds. Nor do I think she would hide info that didn’t follow what she believes. If she found info that showed Sam and Cait were together as a couple I believe she would share it and not hide it.

From what I understand Tony has always had a very low social media profile, especially before he was linked with Cait. You know like a normal person. Like me. I don’t have TW or IG. If you googled my name, which I have done, you get info about lots of other people with the same name, a link to a house I used to own and Ancestry where I’ve done some genealogy research. That’s pretty much it. It was very strange reading a death notice with my name on it by the way. Tony, it seems to me, doesn’t feel the need to share his life with people he doesn't know like so many people need to do nowadays. So, no it doesn’t surprise me that Tony doesn't “check out” if you mean that you can’t find out major details of his life online like you can do with public figures. He’s not a public figure. So of course when you google him now you get the info P has posted because that’s all that’s out there. He’s lost some of that privacy since he fell in love with and married a public figure. So no I don’t “see someone who loves the limelight” going to these public events with Cait. If that were the case he would insist on being photographed with her on the red carpet.  Instead we often had to search for him in photos, because he wasn't jumping in front of the camera trying to horn in on Cait’s fame. That’s what I see. I see him look at Cait with love. I see him being supportive of the woman he loves. I see a man who is secure in himself and in Cait’s love for him. I see a man with his ego in check who doesn’t need or want public accolades or validation. 

To be honest I don’t care what Tony does. I don’t care if it’s true that he has ever been a music producer or a bar owner or if that’s all a lie. All I care about is Cait has chosen to be with him, to marry him, to share her life with him. She trusts him, loves him. That’s all I care about or need to know. 

[cilliansaccent]

Class of Temptation - CHAPTER NINE

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PLEASE READ:

No mention of Cillian’s true family or relatives. All names are made up.

This is a TEACHER x STUDENT fanfiction, it’s going to be kinky and very taboo!

I will write whenever the mood grabs me, so I apologise if there are long breaks between chapters :)

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Background: Tessa is a twenty-three-year-old model from a broken-up family, living in London with her best friend and starting a course on Drama and Theatre. Though, when she gets closer to the super hot Mr Murphy who is her much older teacher, there is a battle of lust and love between them. They’ll have to figure out what to do with their tight relationship as other issues begin to rise and nip at their heels…

Word Count: 2,616

!!Warnings!!: Light mention of masturbation. 

Chapter Name: Awkward Situation

Brief Chapter Outline: Tessa wakes up in Cillian’s home, and then stumbles upon something she would never, ever dream of ever seeing. It causes a bit of a situation but she ends up going home to spend the afternoon with Aria...

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Upon waking up, Tessa was groggy and dazed a little. Red wine made her super tired especially if she stopped drinking it after a few glasses. She rubbed her eyes, light filtered through the bay window and light rain was falling outside.

Tessa squinted as she eased upright, her hand falling to the soft throw across her body. Frowning she looked around quickly, peaking over the couch. She was still at her teachers home! What the hell? What happened last night? Though, she did not care at the moment and needed to go pee real bad.

Getting up she looked around, the kettle was finishing its boiling and she assumed Cillian was in the kitchen or upstairs. She snuck upstairs, gritting her teeth as she came to the bathroom door.

She went to grab it but it swung open and Cillian was there in a towel wrapped low on his hips.

They both let out a yelp and his towel suddenly fell.

"Oh!" Tessa cried out, her eyes being flashed as she quickly covered them and turned away. "No! Oh my god!"

"Jesus Christ!" Cillian grabbed the towel and shut the door quickly.

"Hurry up!" Tessa whined, unable to get that image out of her head, "I need to pee!" She really needed to go.

"Just- Ah, keep your eyes closed then." He said as he rearranged his towel and hastily escaped into his room. "There!" He called out.

Tessa shot into the bathroom to relieve herself. And to gather her damn mind about what she just saw. Holy fuck, She thought, now standing at the basin as she washed her hands and her face. She saw... Everything. And god, Cillian... He was sporting a semi-hard on which made certain areas tingle and warm. She stared at her reflection, Do not think about that, she thought slapping herself mentally. But... She let her mind wander, and she had a thought.

Cillian, right now behind her. Those lovely fingers trailing up her side under the shirt to cup her breasts and take a hold of those pierced nipples.

And twist.

She arched her back, eyes shut as she couldn't help her mind bring up all sort of lewd fantasies. He was inside her now, moving back and forth, his wet lips on her neck... Her name being whispered...

Cillian was yanking on a pair of sweats and a long sleeve shirt. He sat back on the bed, his cock had sprung right back up when it felt eyes on it. Glancing at the bulge now, he willed it to behave. But nope, the damn thing had its own ideas and wants.

No fucking way. He would not go there. Nope. No.

"Fucking hell," He muttered, it wasn't gonna go away. But maybe he could walk it off.

Yeah. That seemed like a good idea. He got back up and the friction seemed to make it harder to control. As he left his room and stood at the top of the stairs, he heard the soft sounds from the bathroom. As he listened, he knew exactly what those sounds were and who's lovely mouth they were falling from.

Tessa gripped the sink with one hand, the other in her pants and rubbed her clit. She let out soft whimpers as she kept letting her mind drag her through the dream she had. He was moving faster into her and she rubbed herself in sync with it. She was so damn close, she could feel how her legs trembled and how her throat would sort of lock-up before she came. Her hips bucked and she let out a soft gasp half moan as she let her head fall forward.

She wished she could feel the nice warmth that would spread inside her, feel his hands caressing her body in a way she yearned, his kisses light but then also dominate... She looked up, her cheeks flushed from the high as she set to washing her hands again.

Nothing but a fantasy that won't come true.

Like come on, he was her teacher. She did not need to tell him, a girl can dream. Can she?

Cillian listened to those pants grow faster and knew she was at her peak before silence settled in the bathroom. The fucking sounds so did not help with his own damn situation. He badly needed to ease his own affliction but he had no time when the door opened up. He made to seem like he was about to head down the stairs and glance up.

Tessa stepped out and also paused, "Hi." She gave him a small smile, her damn eyes make a quick look-see down and saw that arousal in his pants. Fuck. It made her all warm again.

"Hi. Would you uh, like tea? I believe the kettle is ready." He replied with a cool fashion, eyes focused on her face and not at the little peaks in the shirt she wore. Were those piercings he could make out?

"I- No. I'd like to get home, I've been too much of a bother." She shakes her head, her hair falling pas her shoulder.

"You are no bother to me, Tessa. Come on. It's no issue, please." He wanted her to stay a little longer. He really did.

She pressed her lips together and saw the look in his eyes. She knew he would fight it so she sighed, "Fine." And followed him down to the kitchen.

He was pleased as he made her tea and a cuppa for himself. "Would you like toast?"

She was about to decline when her tummy grumbled, she was hungry, "Sure. Do you have Nutella?"

"Yeah. Want that on?" He asked.

"Yep. Dump it on." She nodded as she took the tea from him and he began to make toast. "And I don't like my toast to cooked, either." She blushed, "Sorry for being so demanding."

"No, no. It's fine. It's best to get what you'd like instead of not." He replied with a smile.

Tessa took a drink of her tea and watched Cillian. Only because he had his back to her. The shirt he wore seemed a little too tight, so it brought out the dips of his waist and the curves of his shoulder blades. She could clearly remember how he looked though. Fine hair with plenty of freckles and that happy trail below his belly button... Mm, fuck.

She crossed her legs, keeping them locked in tight as she looked away.

"Here we go." Cillian turned and brought over a plate with the two pieces of toast and the thick slab of Nutella on top.

"Thank you," She smiled gently and took a bite, "Oh my god." She said with a mouthful, "Heavenly."

Cillian laughed as he finished up his toast, "Perfection?"

"Absolutely." She nodded as she smashed the pieces by the time he sat down.

"Wow, you really finished that, huh? Want more?" He cocked an eyebrow.

She laughed softly, "No, no. I am fine." She patted her tummy. "I know this might seem rude, but after you eat, can we really go? I've just seen the time and I need to head home, my sister is coming over and we're going for lunch."

"Oh sure, yeah." Cillian nodded and finished up in no time.

Tessa felt bad that he had to rush but she really wanted to get out of his hair. She felt like she was intruding and it was weird to be here in your own teachers home for no other good reason.

Back into the cute mini cooper he owned and the radio on, she let him have his pick this time round. She listened to some unknown band that was playing. Not her favourite but she could deal with it.

"Hey, Tessa. I want to ask you something." Cillian asked as they came to a set of lights.

"Yeah?" She looked over at him.

"Where were you this week? I had not received any pre warnings or any... Emails back. This week was a big one and you missed out on some really heavy stuff." He said.

Tessa groaned, "Yes. I know. I'm sorry. I was in Sydney doing a shoot for a company that called me up last minute. They offered good pay for the four days so I took it. I'm really sorry." She looked away.

"That's fine. Well, next week, we'll see each other after every class and I'll bring you up to speed with it all. Though I am proud you are keeping up the project with Julian, looks very well and professional."

Tessa felt her heart swell at the praise, "Yeah? You think so?"

"I do. I can't wait to see it when it is done." Cillian said with truth in his voice.

"Okay. Okay. Awesome." She felt her cheeks heat up again.

Cillian saw her red cheeks, he found it super adorable.

"Just next time at least tell Julian okay? He seemed pretty upset that you didn't let him know."

"I will. Of course." She nodded but she wondered if that was true why he was upset.

It was a relief to see her own street and the apartment that had the big ass bush in front of it. No other one had it. Esther wanted it to be out there.

As they neared closer, she spotted Aria sitting at the steps, playing on her phone.

"Oh damnit." Tessa huffed, "Why is she early?"

"Your sister?" Cillian pulled in front of the apartment.

"Yeah. Thanks, again Cillian." She smiled at him, "I... Really appreciate what you did for me last night. I'll return these clothes back tomorrow. They'll be washed."

"No rush." He placed a hand on the back of the chair.

She smiled again and began to get out.

"My god Tessa. Where the hell did you go last night? You said you were at home-" Aria gasped as she narrowed her eyes and looked closer at the man in the car. "Oh my goodness! Cillian Murphy?"

"Uh, yeah. Hi." He gave a short wave.

"It's the hot Time Keeper." Aria waved back.

Cillian let out a soft snort, "I guess so." He looked shy as he was reminded of his past movie.

"God, leave the poor guy alone. Thanks again, Cillian. I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled and shut the door.

He gave a final wave and drove off.

"Tess-AH! What the in the high heavens was that? How?!" Aria grabbed her shoulders.

"He's my damn teacher! Don't you dare start thinking of something kinky, you dirty girl!" Tessa battered her hands away and laughed.

"Oh-ho! Scandalous." She whispered as she linked arms with her and walked up to the apartment door, "Teacher, eh? Where the hell were you? His place?"

Tessa did not answer but it answered her sisters question.

"Jesus girl. If only I knew you had the hots for a teacher. And an older man to. Watching too much of those weird porn videos or reading those stories on Wattpad?" Aria nudged her as they came into the apartment room.

"Oh shut up! Ugh, you are such a pest." Tessa rolled her eyes and stalked into the room. She saw a note left on the table, Esther had gone out last night and it said she might be home or not or in someone else's bed.

She chucked the paper out.

"So, tell me, what did you do at Mr Hottie's house?" Aria plopped herself down onto the couch.

"Nothing," Tessa said as she made her sister coffee.

"Yeah? What happened to your clothing?" Aria watched her from the couch.

"Um, they got dirty? Remember? When I said I was walking I didn't know where I was going, then it rained, then I got my fucking period and he at the right time, came out of the house to see me there. He... Helped me. Gave me a fresh set of clothing and made me tea. I simply fell asleep on his couch." Tessa explained it all to her, "Nothing else happened. Get rid of that damn smirk or I'm pouring hot coffee on you." She scowled.

"Oh, Tessa! Live a little, you gotta have some kind of fantasy? You're allowed to dream." Aria thanked her for the coffee as she sat beside her.

"Of course I dream! Gah, just- Not about him. He's my teacher." Tessa looked away, her cheeks going red once more.  

"So? It's not like he can read minds. Just don't stare at him for long. Dorian can tell I'm dreaming about him. But then again, I always just stare at him..." Aria trailed off, smiling.

Tessa huffed, "Okay but like how can you not stare at him? He's a walking sex god."

"Hah! I knew you had a crush on him. But same, I could stare at those blue eyes all day. And that jaw... God sorry Dorian, but I wished he had that kinda jaw." Aria swooned.

Tessa shook her head, "You are so weird." She muttered, but her mind dragged her back to this morning. Cillian, with that damn towel, just out of the shower, a light sheen of water and his hair sticking to his forehead... She let out a breath.

"Tess, I can see that look in your eyes. What are you thinking?" Aria shoved her lightly, bringing her sister's attention back to earth.

"Nothing. I'm gonna go get dressed-" She began to stand.

"Nope!" She took her hand and tugged her back down, "Don't roll your eyes. What did my little sister get up to?"

"Nothing! Oh! Seriously. Nothing happened. Nothing... Bad I guess." Tessa bit her bottom lip.

"You guess? Okay, now I am hooked. Keep going." Aria got closer, leaning in as if this was the most important shit she would ever hear.

"Don't you dare tell anyone." She glared at her.

"I promise. Lips sealed." Aria placed a finger over her lips.

"Fine..." Tessa grabbed her confidence and said with a whisper, "This morning. I saw him."

"Doing what?" Aria whispered just like her.

"I was going to the bathroom and he opened the door and we both frightened each other. His uh... His towel fell off and I... I saw it all."

Aria's eyes bugged out, "No?!"

"Yes! I did! I didn't mean to but fuck! It was like a moment and he shut the door but I saw it!" Tessa leaned back, covering her face with her hands.

"Oh my god! Tessa, tell me. How did he look?" Aria was grinning wickedly.

"Do I really have to?" Tessa whined.

"Yes! C'mon!" Aria pinched her on the thigh.

"Ow! Ugh, yeah. He looked good. Really good. He was like, half-hard to." Tessa was beet red.

"OOF! Do I wish to be in your situation! Now you got a good fantasy to have." Aria teased.

Tessa indeed had a good one.

"Now. Let me go change and we can go get lunch." Tessa got up and rushed to her room.

"Make sure you don't play with yourself, I don't want to hear it!" Aria yelled at her and she got cursed out.

Tessa got changed into her black jeans and a simple knitted sweater. She put the clothes she had in her hands for a quick wash, letting her other stained items to soak which would take time.

The sisters left after Tess hung up the clothing.

It seemed it was going to be just Aria and Tessa against this world. Tess was glad to have Aria around, she had always been drawn closer to her.

She would do anything for Aria and she knew she would do the same for her.

[bulbpix]

If You Just Listened- Part 10

A/N- Sorry for the delay, here’s the new chapter! I think I might even have 11 up later today!

You brushed the sweat off your forehead as you continued to wipe down the table. You pressed the towel down into the polished wood, your mind not entirely focused on your current task.

You thought about Arthur. You thought about his face when you declined his offer. He didn't frown, he didn't scowl, he just... stared at you. He stared at you for a little longer than anyone else would, just like he did when you first spoke to him.

"I don't think that's a good idea right now." He blinked a few times when you said that. The flutter of his eyelashes told you all you needed to know - he was confused, and more than a little hurt. His eyebrows flicked upwards for a moment, it couldn't have been more than half a second before they slowly began to lower again. He was embarrassed, and surprised?  Was he expecting you to say yes? Were you giving him the wrong impression?

"Oh." You could tell at that point that he just wanted to leave.

Your hand instinctively went to your chest at that memory, clutching your blouse in your fingers. Would things be different between you two now? You certainly hoped not.

"Jesus, are you power-wiping those tables or something?"

Owen stood against the kitchen doorway, holding a few dirty plates. You looked at him, then down at the table you were cleaning. You hadn't even realized how hard you'd been wiping them down, leaving them sparkling like diamonds.

"Guess I'm stronger than I thought," you chuckled.

"Well save your strength," he responded. "You might need it on your way home."

You raised your eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Owen scoffed, before taking a remote off the bar counter and switching on one of the TV's. "Check this out."

He flipped to a news channel, showing live feed of a protest in front of Wayne Hall.

"They're getting worse and worse," he sighed. "You haven't heard anything about them?"

You shook your head, your eyes stuck on the screen. "I mean when I moved here I heard there was some controversy about the new Mayor. But, I didn't know it got this bad..."

He walked over to you, handing you something wrapped in a napkin. "Here, you might need this more than me. Being a girl and everything, I mean."

You gave him a puzzled expression as you took the item from his hand. It was small, but it was heavy. "What is it?"

"Open it."

You squinted at him before turning to the object again. You carefully unfolded the napkin, sharply inhaling once it was revealed to you:

It was a practically new, shining pocket knife.

You quickly wrapped it up in the napkin again, baffled that Owen would even think of giving it to you.

"What... Owen I don't even know how to use one of these. And this looks new, I can't just take this from you."

Owen rolled his eyes, heading back to the kitchen. "Just take it, you never know when you might need it."

After leaving Pogo's, you quickly learned why Owen wanted you to have the knife.

Seconds after stepping out the door, a man wearing a ski mask ran past you, shoving you roughly into a wall as he went. You grunted as your back hit the bricks, shocked by the unexpected contact.

What the...

You looked in the direction he ran, where a large group of people were beginning to gather around something. You squinted at the soon-to-be mob, realizing the object they were surrounding was a limo.

Your curiosity definitely did not outweigh your caution. Not wanting to be involved in any sort of scuffle, you tucked your hands in your pockets and hurried home, holding the switchblade tightly. Arthur wasn't here to walk you home tonight.

Your back stiffened.

Arthur...

You walked so quickly that night that you hadn't even noticed that you were already at your apartment. You were nervous as you stepped inside the building, worried that you would run into him. Cautiously, you looked side to side as you approached your mailbox...

Coast is clear.

You would have to speak to him eventually. You knew that. But God, it was going to be incredibly awkward.

You sucked your teeth, shaking your head as you stepped in the elevator. That was no way to think about the situation. You were an adult now, and adults have open conversations discussing their emotions. Avoiding him would be immature and childish.

I'll just call him when I get inside. I'll call him, and we can talk about things. He probably understands. He probably wants to talk right now too.

You stepped out of the elevator, looking down at your jacket pocket and rummaging through it for your keys.

He's probably thinking the same thing right now. We'll just sit down with some tea and lay it all out on the table. I don't even know why I'm freaking out. By tomorrow, everything will be back to normal-

"JESUS CHRIST!"

You dropped your keys on the floor, startled by what you had found.

A beaten, bloody, disheveled Arthur was there, his head pressed against your door. His breathing was slow and strained, his eyes focused on the floor beneath him. He didn't look up at your exclamation. He didn't even flinch.

You snatched your keys off the ground, rushing to his side.

"Arthur. Arthur are you alright? What happened?"

He didn't respond. You looked at his clothes - They were filthy. His entire outfit was covered with dirt, ripped and torn in different spots. His wig was gone, his clown makeup slightly smeared and red spots spattered on his vest.

Why would Arthur's own blood be spattered on him?

"Arthur? Can you hear me?"

Your lips pressed tightly against his. He closed his eyes, letting himself become lost in your embrace. You pulled away suddenly, looking up at him with tears in your eyes. "Oh, my poor Arthur..." Your soft hand cupped his cheek. He placed his hand over yours, sighing with relief that you were finally home. He needed you so badly. "I didn't mean what I said earlier, I want you Arthur. I was just so scared of my own feelings that I didn't know what to say. I'm so sorry, I-" Arthur shushed you, smiling as he placed a small kiss on your forehead. "There's no need to apologize."

You placed your hand on his back, looking up at his face. Still no response.

Your palms were trembling with anxiety as you opened your apartment entrance. What was wrong with him? Why wasn't he speaking? You didn't know what to do, you had never been in a situation like this before. You were panicking. What if Arthur was really hurt? Was he about to die? Was he going to die with you as the only witness to his death? Would it look like you murdered Arthur? Would you go to jail? Was he going to be okay?

You looked him up and down again. He wasn't bleeding from anywhere besides his nose, and there were no bullet or stab wounds on him. Thank God.

But what if nothing happened to him? What if he did something? Why was there blood spattered on him? It didn't make any sense if it was his blood...

Unless it wasn't his.

You ran to the bathroom, tearing apart the contents of your sink's cabinet. You took the first-aid kit into your shaking hands, practically hyperventilating by the time you reached Arthur again.

"Arthur, I'm gonna take you inside and we're gonna call the police, okay? You need to go to a hospital-"

"No."

He raised his head, but his eyes still didn't reach yours. They remained on the ground, locked on to something that wasn't there.

You were stunned.

"Are... Are you sure? At least let me take care of this..."

You took an alcohol swab from the kit, trying to steady your hand as you reached for a red lump on his cheek.

He put his hand up before you could touch his face, calmly pushing your hand to the side.

"Can I sleep here tonight?"

You were completely bewildered by his behavior. What exactly happened to him?

"Uh... Yeah. Yeah, of course."

Arthur sighed, nodding in thanks. You stepped to the side as he walked in, watching as he collapsed on your sofa. Your eyes never left him. You took off your shoes and coat, your fingers carefully sliding the knife out of your coat pocket and holding it behind you.

You stepped into your bathroom, trying to calm yourself down as you changed into your pajamas. Something was wrong with Arthur. Very wrong. He wasn't behaving like himself at all. Whatever happened, you knew you weren't going to find out tonight. You took a deep breath. There was no point in worrying about it now. The important thing was that Arthur was safe.

But were you?

You slowly opened your bathroom door, the blade hidden in the waistband of your sweatpants. You looked at the run-down clown on your couch. He was curled up into a fetal position, his back facing you.

You quietly backed away from him, your gaze trained on his rising and falling ribcage as you slid into your bed.

"I would be careful with that guy if I was you. What if he's a little... you know. Crazy."

Lucy's words rang in your mind. You clutched the blade tightly in your grip, holding it closely to your chest.

"What, Arthur? No, he's a little weird but he's harmless."

You hoped you were right.

[dailyaudiobible]

10/01/2020 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 62:6-65:25, Philippians 2:19-3:3, Psalms 73:1-28, Proverbs 24:13-14

Today is the 1st day of October welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it is great to be here with you. Welcome to the fourth quarter of the year, three quarters of the year behind us, yeah. It…it's weird when you just start thinking about it isn’t it? It's like we crossed through the new year and we got into the new year and then it…well…we went to Israel and then…then we got back from Israel and there was this virus going around the world and things were closing down and…and then it’s just, you know, been a number of things that have dominated the conversation and dominated and even change the way that we do things around the world since then. And, so, now we find ourselves kind of on the home stretch. Three months is a long time so we’ve got a lot of territory to cover in the Bible and quite a bit of territory to cover in our lives but knowing that we are turning into the home stretch gets us…well…starts getting us to think about how we want to finish this year, or it should. We can just go…we can go stumbling like a tumbleweed through into the new year or we can be firmly rooted and planted as we move into the new year. It's like we say at the beginning of every week, it's shiny, sparkly, new week, and we get to choose how we’re going to live into it. Well, we have a shiny, sparkly, final quarter of the year and how next year is gonna look is gonna, in part, be dependent on how we live this final quarter of the year. And, so, that's…I mean that should hold some gravity. It's weighty. It's not scary. It’s just a reality. The daily choices that we make are gonna…are gonna tell the story of how we end our year. And, so, just being aware of that, knowing that starting something new means…well…is best accomplished by finishing well what we are already doing. And, so, let's band together brothers and sisters. We’re on the same ship here and let's finish well in our lives and in the Scriptures. And one other thing, when we’re done with our reading today, I have something to announce, I have something to tell you. And, so, make sure you stay tuned for that. Okay, we got a new month and a new quarter and all that but we’re in the same week that we were in so we’re reading from the Lexham English Bible this week and picking up where we left off yesterday. Isaiah chapter 62 verse 6 through 65 verse 25 today.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we’ve got a brand-new month and we’ve got a brand-new quarter and it's the final quarter of the year. So, it's kind of the home stretch. And we find ourselves in the book of Psalms today seeing a crossroads, something very appropriate with this transition into the new quarter into the new month to consider the crossroads. And we’ve talked about crossroads many times on our journey through the Scriptures this year, especially when it comes to wisdom, when it comes to Proverbs and understanding that wisdom is at every crossroads yelling to all of humanity, “hey this is the way to go. That's not the way to go.” And it's always available if we’re paying attention. So, we kinda have a picture of a crossroads today in the book of Psalms. So, Psalm 73 is what we read. And Asaph, he's not feeling strong. He’…he's completely down about what he's seeing. It's perplexing to him. It's…it's…it's supremely frustrating. And his frustration, although we are reading this back by thousands of years, his frustrations are still frustrations on the earth today because what he was seeing is, basically that he's trying to be a righteous person among righteous people but when he looks out across his culture it’s like the evil ones are the ones that are…are rising to the top. It's…it's like those who are corrupt are the ones who are actually prospering and seem…seemingly having such a very, very nice life. And, so, he's like, “I was at a precipice”, basically, “I was about to fall off the wagon. I was about to slip. I…I...it almost happened. I almost went overboard. I envied the proud. I saw them prospering and even though they were wicked and I envied them.” And he’s asking himself, “what is it all for. I’m disciplining myself. I'm trying to be righteous. I’m trying to live into a holy life. And its hard and all of the things that could possibly go wrong seem to but I look out and I see people prospering who couldn't care less about you Lord, couldn't care less about where this is all going, couldn't care at all what you might have to say to the…to Earth's people.” And, so, he says and I'm quoting, “surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and washed my hands in innocence and I have been plagued all day and rebuked every morning. If I had said I will speak with us,” in other words, “if I had been willing to say this out loud in front of people behold, I would've acted treacherously against your children's generation. When I thought about how to understand this it was troubling in my eyes until” and we’ll get back to that in a second because the “until” is the crossroads. So, like we’re probably tracking with what Asaph is saying here. We probably have felt that way in one way or another. We may feel that way continually right now going through the year and the seasons that we’re going through. The thing to understand is that we’re at a crossroads. Life always brings us to a crossroads and life brought Asaph to a crossroads. So, he’s like, “when I thought about how to understand what I'm seeing it was troubling to even try to understand until”, the crossroads, “until I went into the sanctuary of God. Then I understood their fate.” So, what we see is Asaph being honest in his human perception. He’s not…there's like no sugar coating to what he’s saying. He's crying out. He doesn't understand. It doesn't make sense. And, so, rather than just going on a bender and some sort of way like, just going, “forget it. I’m not being righteous anymore. These guys have the easy way. I'm going the easy path.” He…he didn't do that. He went into the presence of God instead. And in the presence of God he was reoriented in the way that he was looking at things, right? Because he went into the presence of God and the world didn't change when he left the sanctuary. Like it was all the same thing. It was his perspective, the way that he saw, the way that he had eyes to see and ears to hear that it changed. And what he realized was there is more going on than I understand, which is something that we learned so clearly in the book of Job, but it's something that we learned so clearly in so many of the stories of the Bible. What he began to realize with this was that the foundation that the wicked had built their lives upon was frivolous and wasn’t a foundation at all and had no eternal value and was nothing in the grand scheme of things, that their security, although they might've felt secure wasn't gonna help them at all. In light of eternity they were completely exposed and completely unprotected. And one of the ways that the lights went on for Asaph, like one of the ways that he got eyes to see was that it wasn't about other people prospering and him not. It was about his envy of what they had that he longed for that he didn't have, which led him into the tornado of comparison that was spinning him around so that he couldn't see up from down anymore. But once he got his feet back on the ground in the presence of God, he could see how he was behaving and confess. And I'm quoting, “when my heart was embittered, and I felt stabbed in my kidneys then I was brutish and ignorant. With you I was like the beasts”, right? was acting like an animal. Once he had gotten reoriented he was able to see. He was able to see clearly what was really happening. And he said, “I’m continually with you. You have hold of my right hand. You will guide me with your advice and afterward you will take me into honor. Who do I have in the heavens, except you? And with you I have no other desire on earth,” right? There it is. He’s made the choice at the crossroads. The envy has been released. “With you I have no other desire on earth. My flesh and heart failed but God is the strength of my heart and my reward forever.” A beautiful picture of repentance. And repentance as we’ve talked about so many times, like it  sounds religious and it sounds hard but it's changing your mind. It’s like just opening your eyes and seeing things clearly and going, “ahh…I was looking at this wrong and changing your mind and moving in a different direction. That is repentance and that's what we see here. Asaph had first of all, noticed some discrepancies, some inequities that were bothering him. He was watching people prosper that he felt like they shouldn't because they don't honor God in any way. And yet God's people are here still slogging along any he becomes envious, which is poison to the soul. And once envy and comparison get inside of us, kind of all bets are off, right? Have we not had the same experience? Like, once you go there all you can do is come up short or if you're doing better and you're making comparisons to people who are doing worse than you then all you can do is become proud, which is disaster in the making, as we know. And, so, to come back into God's presence, say the truth, say what it looks like and then be humble before God knowing, “I don't know all there is to know and I am certainly not looking at the big picture. I am looking at the little picture. The big picture is that I am a child of the most-high God. I am a joint heir with Jesus to the kingdom of God. I'm not lacking here. I don't have to be better than anybody else. All I need is God's presence.

Prayer:

Father, that leads us into this new month and thank You for that. We need it badly, badly. And, so, Holy Spirit we invite You to plant it deeply in our lives in the soil of our hearts. We need You. God, we need You. You are all that we need. When we are in Your presence and we are aware of it we realize we lack nothing. We have all that we need. We are going in the right direction. We are going somewhere good and we love You and we trust You and we invite Your Holy Spirit to continually bring this back to mind, that we might continually reorient ourselves to You by repenting. When we find our feet are about to slip and we’re about to go off the deep end we run do You. Come Holy Spirit we pray in the name of Jesus we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base and it's where the Global Campfire lives. It’s where we gather in community. It’s home for us.

And I was mentioning yesterday that there’s something to tell you today. And I mentioned earlier before we started reading theirs something to tell you today. And there's something to tell you today. And I'm telling it with the utmost joy. And I can also tell you that, joy has been in short supply this year, at least for me, maybe for you too, well I know for lots of you too. So, when you get a little something that's full, just full, seeping, dripping with joy it's…you just want to share it. And, so, I want to tell you this. I guess it was a few weeks ago that we made a discovery, or a discovery was revealed to us and that is this. I don’t even know how…I've never actually ever said this before. Jill and myself, we have a daughter. Her name is China and you probably know that, and she's married and her son-in-law, his name is Ben and they have informed us…you see where this is going? They have informed us that they will be having a baby, yeah, this coming spring, spring of 2021, April of 2021, we are expecting the newest addition. And man, it is such a bright spot. Like when I'm feeling overwhelmed or just bowled over, just to remember there's a new one coming, a new little baby coming brings so much joy. So, they let us know a couple weeks ago and we had to keep it all under wraps because China is announcing this on Daily Audio Bible Chronological and social media and all of her friends and etc. etc. etc. today. So, I had to wait until today to let you know. But is this exciting or what? I have been wanting to tell for…well…I've wanted to tell since the next day after I found out. But here we are, and I get to say it. China that are pregnant. We are so excited. Thank you for your prayers over them. over China. She's never done this before. It’s a brand-new thing but she glows. She glows…she…they are so happy. We are so happy for them. We were having dinner and she just kind of blurted it out…like it was so nonchalant that I had to…we just stopped and said, “wait. What…what are you talking about?” So, we had to make all the plans, let the rest of the family know and how this is gonna all rollout. Max found out and he's like, “dude, you impregnated my sister.” And it’s been a really, really, really bright spot in a pretty challenging year. Wouldn’t…wouldn’t you say it's been…I mean…I know it's been challenging for just about everybody. So, new life, new life is coming. And I’ve been then thinking about the day that I would announce this since China was like a little girl. And, so, here it is. China, our little sweet baby girl has went and grown up and went find her…found herself a spouse, and now…now they're beginning their own family and we are rejoicing and there's really nothing else I could say today to top that. So, I’m just gonn let that stay right here and maybe we can all be lifted and maybe we can all rejoice and pray a prayer of blessing over them. In fact, let’s just end that way today.

Father thank You. Thank You for what You have created in making a community like this one, such a diverse community all over the world. Such a strange new invention, that we could be alive to be a part of this moving through the Bible together in community. And we have gotten to know each other and we have gotten to know so many stories over the course of the year but over the course of all of the years, so many stories so many miles so much joy and so much shouldering of burdens but today is a happy day. And, so, we thank You for China and we thank You for her contribution to the Daily Audio Bible all of these years and all those words and all of those verses all of those times through the Scriptures, and now it comes time for her and Ben to begin a family of their own and we are certainly gushing and we are certainly overjoyed, but we know that You are too, that You've been looking forward to this and we are looking forward to this. And, so, we pray blessing over them as they move through this pregnancy as they…as they continue to understand the transition that becoming a parent will be as they begin to live into that as they begin to settle into this idea that new life is coming and we bless them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. And we pray these things in the beautiful name of the risen Christ. Amen.

And that's it for today friends. I'm Brian. I’m very happy today and I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello this is Cheryl from Ontario I just started listening to the DAB earlier this year and I have called in before a couple times, but I especially want to express my appreciation for this podcast and community. I love the way Brian reads the Scriptures slowly and meaningfully and hearing all those who call in. I pray for the requests and rejoice with answered prayers and enjoy hearing those with encouraging words. God is at work and God is so good and gracious. Just to mention a few people. Maria, missionary in Mexico who called in for her coworker Barbara with a tumor. I’m praying for her but I also wanted to…I was also reminded to pray for you and your husband as a missionary pilot because I have known firsthand the blessing and benefits of this ministry and how challenging and stressful it can be. Also, someone had mentioned the groups struggling with addictions. I would like to mention a couple other groups that are struggling as well, those in nursing home facilities who don’t have the usual visitors or programs. I used to go in twice a month to do music programs and I know how important it was to them and it’s hard on families that can’t visit so easily and freely. The other group are those with mental illnesses or the development play challenge for handicapped who depend on social gatherings and activities. I know a few of these folks were really having a hard time. There are others I’d like to mention but my time is about up, so I just want to say for now blessings on you all.

Good morning family I hope you are well it’s Monday it’s a rainy Monday but that’s all right it’s going to be a good Monday because God’s got us. I was listening today…I’m caught up. That’s a “yay! Praise you Jesus!” I’m caught up. And, so, and Brian you’re just your killing it friend. Like this whole idea of maturing. Like the moment I try to point to someone else and say you need to be doing this or why are you doing that, or you need to believe in this. I need to look at the mirror and I need to mature. Wow. That floored me. And then yesterday at church there was a woman who sang and I’m not gonna sing for you, but I will read it to you, and I think that it goes with what Brian has been telling us. I need you you need me where all a part of God’s body. Stand with me agree with me where all a part of God’s body. It is His will that every knee…need should be supplied. You are important to me I need you to survive. You are important to me I need you to survive. I pray for you you pray for me I love you I need you to survive. It goes on to talk about I won’t harm you with words from my mouth. That song is just so beautiful, and I encourage you to go listen to it today. But above all let’s look in the mirror. Let’s tell each other we need each other. But above all let’s point our hearts and minds up to God and say we need you to survive. All right family make it a great week you are loved and appreciated. Peace.

Hello, DABbers this is Duncan the piano man from Fredericksburg Texas. As I make this recording it is September 28th. On October 2nd we will have marked the first anniversary of the date my wife Sharon went to be with the Lord after 43 years and two months of marriage. That was last year at 8:52 in the evening Central Daylight Time. I want to mark that date not with just sitting here and grieving which I will do but I will also want to mark that date with some sort of celebration of life, of her life just as I did for my anniversary. I’m asking prayer for me, yes for me as I observed that date. I hope to take a very of very, very pleasant and dear friends to a favorite restaurant that Sharon and I would often visit after church for lunch or after…some other time just on a whim. And I’m gonna just do that Friday if nothing else. So, I’m asking you to pray for me. Also, I’ve been very thankful for hospice. They have…the grief counselor has been super but now I’m going to a seminar or weekly support thing at our church now called grief share and so far, I’ve been very impressed. I don’t like pad answers that quote the…quote the Bible ala King James or some other translation and…and say yada yada yada that’s it, as if they don’t really know because they don’t. I like it, I like to work through it and that’s the way it is. Thank you very much. God bless you and any of you who are grieving you got my back too and I have yours, I hope.

Hello, DABbers I’m here with Ben and Hock and we heard the prayer request for Bryson and Desiree and we are praying for them and we know that Jesus can do all things. He can heal both of them. And for Bryson we just pray Lord that you will let him not feel embarrassed about his teeth, that you’ll take away the pain, that he’ll just be filled with joy and the friends and family that he has will just make him happy and that he won’t, you know, feel sad about his teeth and that they will grow back in and be perfect and beautiful and that his body will be healthy and strong. And for Desiree we pray the same thing, that she would just be completely healed, cancer be gone in Jesus’ name because God has all power and is able to do all things and we believe that, right guys? Yeah. And, so, we just wanted to say that we are praying and thank you for putting out those requests so that we can pray and we’re praising God for what he’s going to do and we look forward to hearing the praise reports. And here’s the scripture that I read this morning, “the young lions do grow tired and hungry but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.” So, I’m sharing that with you and everyone. Enjoy your day. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Hey guys I just wanted to call in in regards to the prayer request from Janice from Arizona for Desiree who has cancer all over her body and had to amputate her legs when she was younger. And man I just…really…really made me sad and I just want to pray for her and just want to, yeah, lift her up to the Lord. Father God I just want to pray for Desiree Lord. I pray that You would heal her, that You would remove all the tumors, all the cancer cells in a miraculous way in the power of the Lord Jesus Christ. God encourage her, continue to just give her the joy that only comes from You. Surround her with the body of Christ to encourage her to look to things that are not seen, the joy that time is not seen when we have suffering all around us, the joy that is in You. So, God I just pray for full healing, for full healing Lord and let it be a glorious…glorious day for You Lord. Let Your name be glorified through all this. God I just pray for everyone that calls in about cancer. I pray that You would bring healing. In Jesus’ name I pray in Your powerful name Lord bring this healing I pray this in Your name Jesus. Amen. And guys I continue to ask for prayers for my wife who also has cancer. Pray for a…a miraculous healing from the Lord Jesus. Thank you all. Bye. And this is Sonny from Florida.

This is the __ calling from Israel I’m enjoying listening to the Scriptures in reading along with Brian on 28 September 2020. It’s Yon Kippur the day of atonement and I wanted to share and encourage DAB listeners of how Ephesians 6 helped me see the light and is my life Scripture, but I always come back to and stand on. I was saved from living in a very dark and sinister life of drugs and sex and witchcraft. Ephesians 6 was the chapter that showed me that I was not struggling against people but the stratagems of Satan, the darkness and spiritual forces of wickedness. I had to put on the armor of God the belt of truth the breast prayed of righteousness the shoes of the gospel of peace holding the shield of faith to extinguish the evil that is coming against me putting on the helmet of salvation to protect my mind and lifting the sword of the Spirit to let God’s word accomplish that which it was sent to do. As I was praying with close friends the other day, I realized that all the attacks my family’s currently experiencing are not with flesh and blood but spiritual wickedness. Getting out a bottle of oil I began anointing my house the doors and gates and in a loud voice commanded the devil to get out of my home and leave my family alone in Yeshua’s name. I then proceeded to slam the door feeling a lift in the spirit and a sense of freedom. So, I pray for all the DAB listeners who are struggling with the confusion of who they are fighting against. I pray that you will become strong in the Lord and in the might of His strength to outwit the enemy and that you will be filled with the Spirit of God so He can help you stand strong fighting through this journey we call life. Hallelujah.

[jotunnkyn]

Shower thought induced long rant on perception of self, mental illness, and ableism below the cut. Gets a little personal and preachy.

Those of you who are not mentally ill to a degree which impairs your ability to function “normally” in society likely have no idea how often “That’s not healthy!” gets slung about in a demeaning fashion.

And the thing is, we know. Most psychotics, people with personality disorders, and similar things understand perfectly well that we’re not healthy, thank you, but if you wouldn’t suggest that someone with cancer take a kitchen knife and carve the tumors out of themself, don’t suggest that someone struggling with mental illness just stop acting mentally ill because it doesn’t line up with your idea of health and that makes you uncomfortable.

This is especially bothersome in regards to harmless coping mechanisms. Someone plays a lot of video games? Has to carry their phone on them at all time and checks it more often than you believe is acceptable in any given space? Gets upset if separated from a favorite stim toy? Connects deeply and personally to a fictional character or non-human creature? Identifies as multiple different individuals piloting one physical body?

If that makes you uncomfortable you should shut up, straight out. Taking away what’s keeping an unhealthy person relatively grounded as compared to how they would be without the things they’ve developed to cope isn’t going to make them any healthier. If you, as a neurotypical person, have drawn the conclusion that someone is unhealthy while they’re doing their best to handle their own problems, I guarantee you that you can’t fathom how much worse they’d feel and subsequently, justifiably, behave if all of that stuff they’ve developed over time wasn’t in place.

Yes, where possible, a person should also be seeking professional help, but unless you personally are willing to pay for that to happen, or if you know them well enough and are willing to guide them in the right direction for financial, emotional and mental assistance, don’t suggest that they do so, otherwise you’re going to look like a condescending jerkass.

If you do this, hands down, it is not coming from the kindness of your heart or out of concern for them. It’’s coming from a place of ableism, and you may not realize that unless you take some time to reflect on why you’re uncomfortable. Of course, some people realize that they’re being dickheads and that they don’t care and choose to bully easy targets anyway, and for those people, I don’t think there’s any help. They’re the lowest of the low and we should all aspire to be better than that.

I, personally, was diagnosed in my early teens, so I have an advantage over many seriously mentally ill people in that I accepted my conditions before I got too old and set in my ways. Since diagnosis, I’ve dedicated incredible amounts of time to introspection and reflecting on the difference between what I feel, what I think, and what I believe. I think of myself as an incredibly self aware individual. I know that I experience delusions. I understand the difference between fiction and reality even though I’m inherently inclined towards escapism and blurred lines.

I have schizophrenic symptoms. I have mood swings. I have narcissistic tendencies. I also have dissociative identity disorder which results in multiple personalities (each with separate thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes) and memory loss. Those things wouldn’t go away if I just “acted” normal, as I have tried to do in past. It would just be acting, and it would inevitably come to a head and I’d have a psychotic break, again, as I have in the past. Even when I am medicated and speaking with a therapist, which I cannot currently afford to do, financially or mentally, I am not and cannot be “normal” or “healthy” because these things do not just go away no matter how badly I want them to. How badly neurotypical strangers want me to be “normal” does not even factor in.

If a friend is concerned, I’ll listen, but I won’t, and cannot, change for them. I can only try to learn to cope better. Like anyone else, a psychotic person is a constantly growing and changing individual. My coping skills are better than they were five years ago. Looking back ten years plus, I barely even recognize who I was, but I have a suspicion that most every fully developed adult feels that way about their late teens and early twenties.

Because I cannot change these things about myself, and because I cannot afford the treatment that I would need to ground myself more than I’m currently able, I’ve allowed myself the most effective and least harmful coping mechanisms I’ve discovered in the long period of time that I’ve been aware of how my mind works, or, often, doesn’t work as intended.

I express the different facets of myself openly with close friends, but keep it subtle and use one agreed upon name with strangers and acquaintances. I express those different facets of myself best through writing and self-inserting into fiction. (Which I understand is and treat as fiction.) I have a kinblog, and while I do identify with and sometimes as my kintypes, I understand that kinning is not literal. Some people believe that it is literal. Those people are valid because that belief is what they need in order to cope with whatever they’re going through, and if anyone bullies them for that I will stomp them with my hooves. (Neither the hooves nor the stomping are literal, physical things.)

I’m not a spiritual or religious person, in fact I do not believe in the supernatural to any degree what so ever, although I do accept the vague, if unlikely possibility of anything. Someone relying on a personal delusion, or faith, if you’d prefer to call it that, is no different from a person relying on Jesus to get them through tough time, except that they do not have the church at their back to protect them.

Which was damning just a short time ago, because if someone confessed to believing something without a basis in literal reality without the backing of the church, they were institutionalized, tortured, and often lobotomized. Again, the mentally ill are easy victims, far more likely to be victims than antagonists, and if you’re uncomfortable with them when they’re not doing anything harmful to anyone, you’re reinforcing the same thinking that allowed those horrible things to happen to innocent people.

If God is real only to those who believe, then God is real. If a person exists only in their own mind, that person is also real, and should be acknowledged, then treated with the same respect as anyone else. If someone says they’re a man, they’re a man. If someone says they’re a woman, they’re a woman. If someone says they’re a dog or a comic book villain or a ghost, then, yeah it’s weird, but it’s also not hurting you, so that’s what they are.

Don’t listen to the media when it paints us as antagonists. Don’t follow in the footsteps of your Cool Mutual who thinks otherkin are cringy and laughable, because they’re probably mentally ill and coping with something very serious. Think for yourself, then re-think again if that’s really the kind of person you want to be.

[adampage]

#1 - Seth Rollins

Pairing: Seth Rollins x Reader

Requested: #1 “What the hell are you doing here?” by anon

Word Count: 2,006

Warnings: cheating mention, swearing (obv)

Author’s Note: Angst with a sprinkling of fluff. It’s weird, and I struggled with it, but there ya go. Tag List at the bottom! Love ya, babes (:

I wasn’t expecting it. When I went out with the girls, it was meant to be a girls’ night out, just bunch of us hanging out, getting ice cream, scaling the gate of the neighborhood park and feeling like total badasses. You know, the cheesy stuff.

It was a night to be merry. We just wanted the joy of being girls together, in the hopes that we’d feel better about ourselves in the morning.

We were all giggling hysterically, laughing at the story Nia was telling.

“So then, I walked into his office, and he says, ‘Nia, honey,’” and at this point we are dying, because all of us had heard that line before, at least once, from Vincent Kennedy McMahon, ‘I know you’re not going to let this go, but could you at least wait until I’ve had my coffee first?’”

I swear at least one of us had fallen to the gravel howling.

That is, until we saw the dark figure of Seth Rollins coming straight towards us.

I jumped in front of the girls, holding a hand out to stop them mid stride. I looked down at my tiny little shorts and my low cut cami, suddenly feeling seven times more insecure and conscious of myself than I had ten seconds ago. I took a step forward, and Seth stopped.

Before he opened his mouth, I beat him to the punch. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Babe, please.”

“Don’t babe me, motherfucker,” I seethed, not allowing myself to drop my eyes from his own, for fear that he’d see it as an opening. There was no room for him to speak here.

Bayley stepped up behind me, pulling at the hem of my shirt softly. “Sweetie, don’t worry about him, let’s just go.” Her eyes were pleading; as Seth’s adoptive little sister, I could understand why this wasn't something she wanted to happen. She loved the both of us too much to be able to handle another fight, after already having dealt with the aftermath of a plethora of them from both sides. She looked from me, to Seth, hoping one of us would walk away.

But I couldn't. And it seemed Seth couldn't either.

Sasha came forward and pulled Bayley away by the hand. Nia was already walking away with Alexa, giving Seth and I our space. I watched them clear out, taking an alternate path through the park. They would stay at a distance, but they wouldn't be far. If something happened, though, they’d be there in seconds.

Once they were gone, I set my ice cold gaze back on the bastard, but all I could see was the curve of his smirk at the edge of his pink lips that made me see red.

“What the fuck do you want?” I said abrasively, words dripping with acid. If he wanted to talk, he was going to get me at my most hostile. I crossed my arms flush against me, puffing out my chest to make myself bigger, like a housecat would its tail. I was livid. What fucking right did he have to rain on our parade of fun?

“I don't know why you're behaving like this.” He took a step closer, so he was only a few feet away from me.

“You don't know why I'm behaving like this?” I scoffed, then continued when the look on his face answered my question. “You don't think that fucking some random girl in our our hotel room is cause enough?”

“We talked about this,” he started, taking one step closer to me while I held my ground steadfastly. He dipped his head, the smirk on his face growing. “Or don’t you remember?”

“What the hell do you mean, Seth? Exactly what did we talk about?”

“You forgot.” He huffed out a laugh as he looked up at the dark night sky, before turning his cocky grin back my way. “All the shit you’re giving me right now, and you’re the one who forgot.”

“I swear to God, Seth -” my hands curled into fists at my sides, ready to fucking deck him if he edged any closer. “I don't know what the fuck you think you told me, but I doubt I’d ever agree to you screwing some other bitch.”

And that’s when he burst out cackling. That annoying, grating, absolutely wrath-inducing cackle. “Babe, that’s exactly what you did!”

My face dropped. “No the fuck I didn’t.” What was he even doing, accusing me of something I knew I’d never say?

At the repetition of my denial, he scoffed, keeling over. It was safe to say that my ego was bruised. The audacity of him to laugh in my fucking face, and it burned me that I didn't know why.

“Spit it out, would you?” I snapped.

He raised his hands in front of him. “Fine, fine...do you remember back two months ago, when I got a concussion?”

I scowled. “Yeah, I remember. What’s that got to do with—?”

“You wanted me to tell you, so I’m telling you. So shut the fuck up and listen for two goddamn seconds.”

I was so taken aback that I actually stopped talking. And it killed me that my body responded, getting turned on by his assertiveness. I pushed the feeling down, glaring at him.

Seth squinted at me, head tilting to the side to make sure he had my undivided attention. The way he ran his tongue over his lips never ceased to amaze me.

The first thing I remember was your face.

I couldn’t remember the ending of the match - I don’t remember the brogue kick to the face by Sheamus, or the feeling of my head splitting open on the metal fold-out chair, and I certainly didn’t remember the thumping of the ref’s palm slapping down on the mat. I don’t remember Dean pulling me out of the ring as Sheamus’ music played. All of that was lost on me that night, babe.

Your beautiful eyes - that’s what I remember. Your lips, chapped and bleeding from anxiety.

The way your brows creased in worry and the feeling of your soft hands on the sides of my face.

I remembered the bright lights of the room backstage where we waited for the doctor. The bright little flashlight burning my eyes as she checked me, your hand lingering on my skin because you didn’t want to stand even two feet away from me.

She told you to keep me awake while they called for an ambulance.

So you kept talking. Talking, and talking, and talking, on and on. God, you didn’t shut up for one fucking second.

You nagged at me. “Your placement was off, Seth. I thought you were a professional wrestler?” As if that was something I needed to hear. “I’ve told you a million times that you always let him get too close. You’ve taken a brogue kick, what, ten times already? Jesus, Seth.” If I didn’t die from my concussion, I’d have considered it a fucking miracle, because you were just grinding away at what little sanity I had left.

Don’t scowl at me, it’s true.

“Talktome abou’ somethin’ else, please.” I was slurring what words I could muster. You had me beggin’, babe. Begging for you to change the subject, to draw my mind to anything but what just happened and the aching, tortuous pain.

“About what?”

I think I managed a semblance of a chuckle, before I replied. “Whatch’er gon’ do t’ make this up t’ me.”

Maybe I winked? I can’t remember. Probably wasn’t a good wink. Probably looked like I was wincing at the pain, because your breath hitched and you asked me if I was all right.

“S’all right, babe. S’watcha gon’ do for me?”

You opened your mouth, incredulous. The audacity of me, you were probably thinkin’, I don’t know.

“Are you serious?” You asked, crossing your arms, like you know I hate.

“As a concussion, sweetheart.”

And you laughed. Like, a genuine laugh. You’re nodding, does that mean you remember? So you remember that, okay. Maybe you’ll remember this next part, too.

You bit your lip, thinkin’ about what you were gonna do for me, once I was better. You do that a lot, ya know. Bite your lip. And it makes me hard, baby, you know it does.

“Mmm… blowjobs every day for a week? Whenever, wherever? Like Shakira?”

Shit, was that tempting. But my smart ass wanted to get something even better out of you.

“A month.”

“What? No!”

“Then ‘s no deal.”

“Ugh, you bastard.”

“Then somethin’ else.”

You rolled your eyes at me, another thing that I absolutely hate. I was on a rollercoaster, fighting back the searing pain and wincing at the stars in my eyes, caught between halfway in love with you and halfway pissed that you were keeping me awake because I wanted so badly to just close my fucking eyes.

And then you whispered—

“One night with someone else.”

“So you do remember.”

I shook my head. “It just came to me.” I looked up at the sky, wiping the tears running down my face. “And then you said, ‘s’cuse me?’ like you couldn't believe what I’d said, and I replied with—”

“‘Don’t make me repeat it.’ And I didn’t.”

“Yeah,” I whispered, running my hands over my arms to keep out the cold, my skin already laden with trembling goose flesh. “You didn’t repeat it.”

He was right. I had said that. But it was a promise made to a man with a concussion. I figured he wouldn't remember, and in the end I was the one who forgot all about it. It was a joke, something I said just to appease him while he was dealing with mental and physical torture.

“Funny how that’s what you remember.”

“Well, when your girlfriend is giving you permission to sleep with someone else for a night, you’re going to remember.”

“But why didn’t you tell me before you did?” I groaned, turning away from him. “Why did you do it behind my back?”

To this, Seth had no reply. A grin crossed his lips as he opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. His mouth closed quietly. He was unsure of himself, for once in his life.

After all, what could he say to get me crawling back?

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry’s not good enough, Seth. Did you not trust me? Did you think that, deep down, you knew that what I said was a joke, but you still wanted to use it as proof against me?”

“No, babe, I—”

“Because you had to have known I’d be pissed at you for not reminding me of this before you did anything.”

Seth was inches from me, I could feel him. He was so warm, and I hated myself for melting against him. “If you just give me another chance…” he whispered, his breath tickling my ear.

“Seth…” I moaned, my own body working against me as it leaned into his. I had no control. The scruff of his beard scratched at the crook of my shoulder, lightly peppering my skin with soft kisses.

“Baby…just. One more shot. I’ll be good.” His mouth suckled gently on the most sensitive part of my neck. “Let me prove that I deserve you.”

My eyelashes fluttered, eyes closing for a moment. It would be so easy… to just let him get away with what he did. So fucking easy. But then again — we were both to blame. That much, I couldn’t deny. I said something I didn't mean, and that was wrong. Not exactly on the same level as his own mistake, but a mistake nonetheless.

I turned to him.

“I need time. Time away from you. When that time’s over, I’ll let you know what I’ve decided.” I braced myself for his reaction.

But all I got was a half smile.

“Okay,” he nodded. “If that’s what it takes.”

Last Note: An ambiguous ending for the most complicated persona (in my opinion) that I know. Seth, you stupid fuck, I hate to love you.

Tag List:

@llowkeys / @mewsburger / @athoughtfulmindwrites / @kaitlynwwefan / @unabashedwwesmut / @monsteramongmen-tamer / @therealfivefeetoffuckingfury / @baronesscorbin / @heelturn-timesten / @devitts-girl / @bbmbabe / @wrestlewriting / @wrasslin-x / @justrae9903 / @idekwhatthisis / @straight-outta-the-asylum / @lip-sync / @squirrel666 / @deanammbrose / @heelsamizayn / @omegaliciousss / @omegaweaponx / @selinamasri / @meghanannexx / @abschaffer2 / @briankendrick / @crowleysqueenofhell / @sjwrites22 / @wwetrashqueen / @thehardyboyz / @theprestigious0ne / @toosweetme / @p0tat0catofwesteros / @wrestlingbabe / @lunaticfringe216 / @blondekel77 / @welshwitch5 / @the-geekgoddes / @kingslayers-angel / @we-work-hard / @glowrioustrash / @fucking-bandsx / @supermanrreigns / @itsnethbellins / @moneypowergloryfameliquorlove / @alexahood21 / @nopeitsnat / @lagenerica

[awfullyhorriblybadfantrolls]

i know hell

i heard you liked cihuco ;) oh god

(this is super long because i get p i s s e d about a tenth of the way through about the misrepresentation and romanticization of mental illness so it’s under a cut. be wary of the discourse i’ve inevitably started)

-

When she wants she can become 2, both of her personalities taking a body. I realize she looks like a dude…she’s made to look like me…and since I look like a dude…yeah…you sound very uncertain about that The shirt symbols were tribal designs I found forever ago and tweaked slightly…i feel like that might be offensive and here’s what it says behind them.

Potens sidera pateris me Dilamino Mortem et Vulture Duae solae Duae aequalia Eodem sensu Duae corpora Iterum Which translates from Latin into Powerful stars allow me to Split in two Death and Vulture Two separate Two equal Same mind Two bodies Once again

i had my friend who’s learning latin translate this for me and he got

“My strong star father. I split death and the vulture in two [or “i’m split in two. death and the vulture] two alone two of the same a sense of purpose two bodies again”

he also added that it’s very badly translated and has no proper declension or cases and vulture isn’t a word in latin apparently

“they definitely used pateris when they shoulda used poddiderit”

-

you’re welcome hey also? there’s more. 

cihuco: i know i’m weird cihuco: i know my blood makes you sick cihuco: i know i’m not normal also cihuco: can you accept me for me now because i just told you all of my problems

Pesterchum name: bonesbloodSkullprotect excuse me

Typing Issue: uses txt tlk & symbols b/c she tends 2 tlk kinda fast, however if she’s perfectly calm she will spell things out completely unlike Morgan. she only capitalizes names & sometimes I’s…sometimes not. i don’t know why i hate this so much

Font Color: After finding a way to alternate between Fire Red and Water Blue water isn’t blue asshole she keeps it on so 1 sentence will be red, the next blue. However, if she’s really pissed it goes completely red and if somehow she’s completely and utterly calm it will go completely blue. i have more of an idea why i hate this so much but i do

Cimi (Death, Transformer, Worldbridger. 6th Mayan day sign) what

what is this in reference to

Symbol: skulls of any kind, so the design on her shirt changes constantly. usually the skull is White (which is the color of Death in Mayan astrology) and Red (which has come to symbolize Death now not really) Sometimes the skull will have a vulture on/near it. As the Vulture is the foe of Death, this presumably means she is her own greatest enemy. …that’s actually kind of cool

Mythological entity named for that’s a really specific category: Aztec goddess Cihuacoatl (Partly a fire goddess …….cihuacoatl was a motherhood and fertility goddess?)

and was associated with midwives and, uh, sweatbaths

and the Celtic goddess Acionna (Partly a water goddess) are you saying both goddesses are only partially affiliated with fire and water, respectively because cihuacoatl is not at all associated with fire as far as i know and acionna is only associated with water

Blood Color: Metallic Cyan…? Or…possibly between Cyan and Topaz…hard to tell when it turns to crystal not long after being (over) exposed to oxygen or any other chemicals in the air. what the fuck kind of blood Naturally the air born air born. born from the air chemicals effect how big and dark the crystals are. 

God Tier: Witch of Rage

Duel horns match her dueling personalities. duel horns. her horns fucking fight all the time. her personalities also duel. they engage in fisticuffs every other tuesday She’s Bipolar or Schizo…or both…i was gonna draw a reaction image but my tablet stopped working again so i’m just gonna have to settle for a firm “STOP. FUCK YOU”. also, i’m not really sure you understand what bipolar disorder or schizophrenia actually are. also also schizo is considered a slur because of the derogatory nature it’s used in. bye sweaty as such her personality changes instantly and usually without warning. i was right

listen up kids lemme give you a lil fuckin lesson on these two mental illnesses that are portrayed very very badly and overromanticized by this person:

“Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.” (nimh.nih.gov)

this does not mean someone with bipolar will “change personalities instantly”, it only dictates mood changes, so fuck you on that

symptoms of bipolar include: periods of unusually intense emotion, changes in sleep patterns, activity levels, as well as unusual behavior. these are called “mood episodes” and vary wildly from person to person.(manic episode) being very “jumpy” with increased activity levels, prone to agitation, risky behaviors, talking really fast about a bunch of different things and feeling as though they can do many things at once, (depressive episode) feeling dead inside, as if you’re heavy and have no energy to even move, perhaps at the same time empty and unfulfilled with no desire to do things you usually love, sleeping too much or too little, frequent thoughts about death/suicide and probably making plans about it

to quote myself, “bipolar […] only dictates mood changes, so fuck you on that”

let’s get to probably the most self-dx’ed and romanticized mental illness now

“Schizophrenia is a chronic and severe mental disorder that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. People with schizophrenia may seem like they have lost touch with reality.”

where are you seeing personality change. i’m not seeing personality change. schizophrenia is, very over-simply, an inability to tell what’s real or not anymore.

symptoms of this disorder include: hallucinations, delusions, “flat effect” (reduced expression of emotions through facial expressions or tone of voice), reduced speaking and enjoyment in life, troubles focusing or paying attention or executive functioning (the ability to understand and use information to make decisions) or working memory (the ability to use that information immediately after learning it)

so ? honie ? where. literally where. i am abridging this but i guarantee i’m not purposefully leaving out “personality changes instantly and usually without warning”. you know why? 

because it’s not fucking there

what a surprise someone is romanticizing and at the same time not understanding and yet still undermining the struggles of mental illness

a little personal here but i’m friends with a girl who’s bipolar and buddy it’s not fun for her. her three moods are hypomanic, prepared for death, and panic attack. there is no personality change. only genuine struggle because mental illness isn’t pretty or a decoration for your self insert oc

bye sweaty,,,,,

Generally she can control the voices in her head inaccurate…………………, unless someone pisses her off. When she’s pissed off her eyes change from the normal (for her) golden with red spots to red swirls with icy blue as well. her pupils are actually dark blue. Because of this mutation, she usually wears super sweet red glasses with 3 points on each lens (most likely to represent 6, as in the sixth Day Sign). what does any of this mean in any capacity When she’s alone she argues with herself a lot, rather then keeping the voices bottled up…sometimes they’re her only company, after all… how fucking lonely do you have to be to argue with your voices jesus i almost feel bad now The only good thing about the dueling personalities is it allows her to control both water and fire. dueling personalities……………….

I suppose duel personalities may not be the right word no, it’s not. you mean dual personalities…as she it literally 2 different trolls stuck in one body…both Death and the Vulture live within her, Death being dominate. y tho She has the ability to seperate into both of these trolls for short times. HOW THO When she does Death becomes red, takes on the fire part of her powers, and uses only red psyonics psyonics in addition to taking the top horns and the red stripe in her hair. Vulture becomes blue, takes on the water, bottom horns, blue hair tips, and uses blue psyonics. It’s also worth saying her psyonic abilities are almost completely unusable to her just…in general. They generally show up without her knowing or control. “The only good thing about the dueling personalities is it allows her to control both water and fire.” …..???

She is incredibly good at video games, always coming just short of Sol when they play she gets points for not being BETTER THAN SOL XD SHE’S SOOOOO GOOD AT VIDEO GAMES but five points don’t help your current score of like -928374929871…there is one genera

“there’s one principle taxonomic category that ranks above species and below family, denoted by a capitalized latin name she’s better at though”

she’s better at though. She’s better at Horror games then he is because she is “very attune to death, whether it be real or virtual”. not all horror games have death also what does this even mean. i’m so confused She and Sol do a lot of gaming together and the main problem with her duality is that Vulture likes Eridan and Death like Sollux…however, seeing as Death is the main personality she get’s 1st pick…this has caused Vulture much annoyance and caused her to try taking over more often. uh

-extra info not needed-

Relations:

Aradia: BFFs do NOT bring my spooky wife into this. stay the FUCK away from my ghost girlfriend

Aaron and Morgan: Auspices between them. She describes them as constantly fighting as a serpent would with an eagle…they have no idea what she’s talking about. they’re dumb af have u ever seen an eagle pick up and consume a snake

Morgan: Good friend, as Death is the friend of the Serpent. i have no idea where you heard this but okay

Aaron: Good friend, as the Vulture is friends with the Eagle which she believes he would have been born under if he was born a troll. …there’s an eagle constellation? also vultures are friends with eagles? oh shit there actually is an eagle constellation it’s called aquila Her being good friends with both is why she’s also a good auspice. auspice would be a verb. the noun is auspistice

Jenny: Moirail

Vriska: probable Kismasis KISMASIS, the only thing they can agree on is they dislike the spider. since when did vriska dislike spiders

Other Humans: Takes to usually helping them randomly and with no warning ……….??????????

Other Trolls: Iffy, as they used to avoid her at all cost because of her mutation. However, because some of the others now are known to have mutations they don’t care as much. dude i’d fuckin care. her metallic blood makes me sick

Jaslusolo: a combination of jaculus (Snake)

and pervolo (to fly).

Her lusus, managed to escape just before the reckoning but couldn’t get to Cihuco in time to bring her as well. cihuco would’ve fuckin died?? if the reckoning wasn’t stopped the session would become null She is a feathered, winged serpent which resembles Cihuacoatl.

…..winged serpent who ?

With her help she is able to actually fly back in time what the fuck and to what she calls her “true home” on earth back with the Mayans. earth doesn’t exist yet bicht She speaks their language fluently as well, 

which one

and she is the one who told them of the end of the world. no, the mayan end of the world was predicted by the mayan calendar and the popol vuh, a compilation of the accounts of creation of the k’iche’ maya. the popul vuh states that the gods first created and failed at creating three worlds, then placed humanity in the first successful word. in the maya long count, the previous world had ended after 13 b’ak’tuns (around 5,125 years) and december 21st, 2012, was when the mayan date struck 13.0.0.0.0 which they believed to bring about the destruction of this world and the formation of a new one, this starting the cycle again. try again hunty 

Jansin Aciona: Dancestor, can’t stand her. yeah i can’t stand you either she’s named after Jowangsin, the Korean goddess of fire.

who

oh sorry do you mean jowangsHin, goddess of the kitchen?

She was relatively good friennds with Nivnaj…not as good as you’d expect though. She was Cronus’ matesprite. ok bye

The Poet: that is definitely not eight letters Ancestor, most likely deceased. Was matesprits with The Wisest. still not eight letters Aporev: Close friends

Strife Portfolio: X2Whipkind, X2Bladekind sure whatever

Fetch Modus Setting: Pictionary Advanced -The advanced just means she can draw what happens with what’s on the card and it happens. ughhhhhhhhhhhhh like if she wants it to shoot out and hit someone- then what. please do tell. the suspense is killing me

Age: 7.4 Alternian Solar Sweeps (16 earth years)

Planet: Land of Pulse and Haze (Original planet destroyed. Presumably she started in The Land of Tents and Mirth, which is associated with the Rage part, but liked LOPAH better so claims it as “Home”) THAT AIN’T YOURS BITCH PUT IT BACK

Name Breakdown (Troll) : “Acionna was a Gallo-Roman water goddess, attested in the Orléanais region.” -Wiki. which one Not much is known about the goddess other then she was most likely representative of water. This is where her last name came from. “In Aztec mythology, Cihuacoatl was one of a number of motherhood and fertility goddesses.” -Wiki …..if you knew this then…….y tho

Name Breakdown (Pesterchum) : Acionna was thought to be protection, Cihuacoatl supposedly helped make the current race from ancient bones and blood of Quetzalcoatl (Who mainly gets the credit). Skull is the symbol for death. The other reason the trolls avoided her was because she showed literally as [BS] which is what they thought she was full of are you saying she’s not? until Sollux started saying the same thing a long time after. Perhaps because the goddess she was named after, Cihuacoatl, she was not named for any goddess her name was incoherently gurgled out of her winged snake goddess-that’s-she’s-supposedly-named-after of a lusus supposedly created the current race…she had a stronger connection psychically to happenings…the problem is sorting what’s true and what’s not from the voices in her head.

Info on her Mutation: This is what happens when a troll falls in love with a local. love is love but this thing is disgusting don’t do it again It is unknown who exactly they were, as the blood is to diluted to guess who they could have possibly been. ????????? look i’m no med student but i’m at least 98% sure that’s not how blood works  This…sorda leads to say that it was mostly the local’s (whatever or whoever it was) blood taking over. wait i thought it was too diluted by……other blood, i guess?? what the fuck even is this It is probable, it seems, that one of them was able to wield fire and the other water, thus resulting in the duel personalities. why do i hate this sentence so much

Personality(s?) Qualities: Issues with anyone who tries to tell her what to do, she tends to sometimes contradict herself and speaks in riddles which are always hard to figure out except when they’re not and they’re easy. wow thanks had no idea She hosts qualities from both Death and Vulture, and they are as follows. Death is “open to ideas and willing to make sacrifices for the greater good…sensitive to endings of any kind, and it can be hard for (her) to accept losses. Practical, Oversensitive, Fragile.” While the Vulture is “very self-aware and concerned about (her) status in the world. (She) places a high value on life experiences, wanting to learn as much as possible from the triumphs and challenges they offer. (She) can appear a bit jaded and ruthless to others, but that is because (she) sees things as they are and thus tend to be cynical. (She) dislikes being judged, and if (she) feels under scrutiny (her) self-esteem takes a blow. Knowledgeable, Wise, Challenging, Jaded, Cynical.” -Horoscope.com oh my god

Rules Broken: all of them. all of them? every single one. not the naming rule though. but only for the troll herself. everyone else can go suck a dick

Fantroll Rating: look i started working on this blazing heap of trash at around 1915 now it’s 2058. what the fuck man

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: You're doing so good Rio: Not going too terribly, is it Buster: You could just talk to me, you know Buster: We don't have to be secretive anymore, like Rio: Shh Rio: For old time's sake, obvs 😏 Buster: It is hot Buster: Can't lie Rio: Duh Rio: It ain't been that long you can act like you forgot Buster: Well, you know, it almost feels like there wasn't a before Buster: Sometimes Rio: Quit being cute Buster: Make me, babe Rio: Tempting Rio: But you're being so well-behaved Rio: model son-in-law, like Buster: Yeah Buster: Remember it later Rio: Why, you planning on misbehaving? Buster: What can I say? You're better at being 😇 than me Rio: Favourite child for a reason Buster: Golden boy for my own reasons though 😏 Rio: Not gonna argue, babe Rio: just saying it's more impressive being 1st outta 10 than it is outta 2 Buster: You're forgetting, I gotta compete with a dead one Buster: That bumps my odds Rio: You really gonna play the dead card to win this, yeah? 😂 Buster: Have we met? Buster: 'Course I am Rio: Can't really whack that roleplay out at our wedding party I'm afraid Buster: Shame Rio: I know right Rio: Gotta be looking so distractingly good all the time, boy Buster: Says you looking beautiful enough to fall in love with all over again if you were a stranger Rio: I miss you Buster: Too soon to sneak away from our own party? Rio: Sadly Rio: Not the usual amount of riff raff for distraction Buster: Just for a few minutes then Rio: Okay Rio: Let's go outside Rio: I need air anyway, almost as much as I need to be alone with you Buster: Fine by me Buster: I'll make sure you don't get cold Rio: It is actually freezing here in comparison Buster: Seriously Buster: Let's just go back Rio: And stay forever Rio: I'll teach you Portuguese Buster: They need lawyers in brazil, I'll thrive Rio: Exactly Rio: and when are they not partying Rio: we'll be sey Rio: set* Buster: If I get to see you every day with that much of a tan and few clothes then I definitely am Rio: Agreed 😋 Rio: Come on let's go before they notice we're gone again Buster: Lead the way, baby Rio: [After] Rio: Do we tell them we saw her or Rio: I don't even know if I really did Buster: Probably best not, like you said, she was gone as soon as Buster: Nothing they can do now Rio: I really thought she was here to see me Rio: I'm an idiot Buster: Don't Buster: At least some part of her was, she didn't have to come today of all days, like Rio: Do you actually think so or are you just trying to make me feel better? Buster: You know I never say shit I don't mean Buster: Unless I'm angry, and do you reckon I am, right now? Rio: I hope not Rio: It's bad enough she is with me Buster: Well, I'm not so you can believe me, yeah? Rio: Okay Buster: Are you? Rio: Yeah, it's just Rio: it's weird Rio: I'm starting to forget what it was like to actually have her here and her properly be here, you know Buster: Yeah Buster: I feel that Rio: Like she's a ghost Rio: it scares me Buster: I know Buster: Me too Rio: You're definitely right, there's nothing to tell Buster: I mean, if it's gonna make you feel bad keeping it from them, do speak up but Buster: It's nothing new. Nothing they don't know Rio: Nah, I mean, it'd explain why I'm not totally in the party mood now but that's about it Buster: Do you wanna go? Rio: It's okay Rio: They've all gone to a lot of effort Buster: We're the guests of honor we can do whatever we want Buster: If you wanna go home, I'll take you home Rio: I promise it's okay Buster: You just don't want me to say you aren't feeling well in case they all reckon you're pregnant already Rio: Don't Rio: it's at a point it's clearly not a joke and they all just waiting 🙄 Buster: My mum's already given me that warning Buster: But there's worst things that could happen Rio: I imagine that's not how your Mum is seeing it, babe Buster: Sorry but if we're having 11 we've gotta start at some point Rio: Shh you playing a dangerous game here 😜 Buster: You don't wanna play with me, babe? 💔 Rio: I really really do, that's the trouble Buster: You can get me in trouble, I really don't mind Rio: Okay get me pregnant we'll see how much you mind then Buster: I'd get over it Rio: You silly Buster: You're stunning Buster: Don't blame me for being tempted Rio: As long as you don't judge me for how turned on it makes me Buster: Never Rio: Good Rio: You know they'd be the cutest Buster: If they look anything like you, I'll happily go over double figures Rio: We really gotta start now Buster: Okay Rio: Actually find me dead in the Liffey and your Ma like 💅 Buster: Shh Buster: Come here Rio: I don't know if I trust you Rio: or me Rio: Mostly me 😏 Buster: Come here or stop looking at me like that Rio: If I come Rio: Can I look at you as much as I want? Buster: You can do whatever you want Buster: Anything Rio: What about if I sit on your lap? Buster: Do it and find out Rio: Okay but I'm feeling restless Rio: so I can't promise I'll sit still Buster: Good, I wouldn't want you to make any promises you can't keep Rio: Oh you think you gonna make it hard for me? Buster: I know it Buster: No thinking needed Rio: We'll see who's making who hard, babe Buster: Promises, promises Rio: Yeah Rio: How's that? Buster: You're talking a lot from over there Buster: That's all I'm saying Rio: 😫 When he says you're all talk Rio: Lemme prove you wrong, hold up Buster: 😏 Rio: You know this is my favourite place in the whole world Buster: Yeah? Buster: Make yourself comfortable then Rio: Yep Rio: Almost enough to make me not miss Brazil Buster: I can't miss it too much when I've got the best part of it right here Rio: Baby Rio: I love you Buster: I love you too Rio: Can you not move like that though Rio: Jesus Buster: Like what? Buster: That? Buster: Or did you mean, this? Rio: daddy Buster: I need you to tell me so I don't do it again Rio: Sorry, having trouble concentrating Rio: Show me again? Buster: So? Buster: Which is it? Rio: Both, definitely both Rio: but I nearly made noise with the second so be sure to not do that again if you want me to stay quiet, okay Buster: You'll be quiet enough if you do it into my mouth Rio: Do you need kisses, baby? Buster: Yeah Rio: As you've been such a good boy Buster: Jesus, never stop if you're gonna kiss me like that Rio joined the chat 4 hours ago Rio: When we're alone again, baby Rio: I'm planning to kiss you 'til you have to leave Buster: I know you can feel how much I like that idea Rio: I can Rio: I'm just gonna feel it a little bit more though, make sure we're on the same wavelength here Buster: Fuck Buster: If you keep doing that I'm gonna have to leave this party and take you with me Rio: Maybe that's my plan Buster: Say it and we'll go Rio: I'm enjoying making it hard for you to talk though 😋 Buster: Oh there's plenty I could say Buster: Just not to anyone but you Rio: Please tell me Rio: I wanna know Buster: How badly do you want it? Rio: You can't feel how hot I am? Buster: You struggling to talk too, baby? Rio: I can barely breathe Buster: My poor little angel Buster: It's okay Buster: I'll take care of you Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah? Rio: I swear to God if you don't pull my skirt up and touch me right now Buster: Someone'll see us Buster: Or hear you Rio: 😣 Rio: I gotta get up Buster: Don't Buster: I'll still do it I'm just warning you what'll happen once I start Rio: Don't worry, you can cover yourself with my cardi, no one will know 😉 Buster: Stay Rio: Baby Rio: 'Course I will Buster: We can do this Buster: Just be quiet, okay Rio: I promise Rio: I'll focus on telling you in here how good it feels Buster: I'll never say no to that Buster: Christ, you're so wet, baby Rio: It's for you Rio: You look so fucking good in that shirt, daddy Buster: That's for you too Rio: You're all for me Rio: My sexy husband Buster: I don't know if I'll ever get used to you saying that Rio: It feels like a dream sometimes Rio: but it's real, we did that Buster: All of this is real Rio: I can't believe all of you is real too, damn Rio: if I had to imagine the perfect man, like Rio: I couldn't have done as good Buster: You're gonna make me blush Rio: Well, you're gonna make me cum so Rio: Fair is fair Buster: Yeah but hopefully my blush will be more obvious to everyone, if you keep your promise Rio: I'm trying so hard Rio: [Selfie] 'Cos you can't see my concentration face and I know you love it Buster: Fuck Buster: You're such a good girl, you know Rio: 😊 Rio: Are you proud of me? Buster: I've only just begun to show you how proud I am, babe Buster: Hold on Rio: OH Rio: Shit, Daddy Rio: Your fingers are so long, wow Buster: I can't put them in your mouth without someone definitely noticing but I know you won't make a sound Buster: Not even if I do this Rio: Fuck fuck fuck oh my God Rio: If I didn't know better I'd say you were trying to get me to break my promise Buster: Good thing you know better then Buster: I'm just thinking about when my fingers can go in my own mouth, that's all Buster: I love tasting you Rio: Did you feel what your words just did to me Rio: You're the hottest boy in the world Buster: What can I say? You inspire me Rio: I've got to grind on you just a little Rio: I swear they won't notice Buster: Oh shit Buster: You warned me but Rio: I wish you could just unzip and stick it deep inside me right here but Rio: Still want you to feel good too, even if we can't Buster: Don't tempt me Buster: That feels so good I might just do it anyway Rio: I'll be good Rio: I'll fuck myself back onto you so slow and careful Buster: Baby Rio: Please do it, daddy Rio: I need more of you Rio: and you need it so bad Buster: I can't say no to you Buster: I don't want to Rio: I love you Buster: I love you Rio: This was a bad idea Rio: but I don't care, it feels so fucking Buster: I'd say we can stop but Buster: I can't Rio: I don't want to Rio: That's the problem, I wanna ride the fuck outta you and make you cum in my pussy Buster: It's not a problem Buster: You know what you're doing Buster: Make it happen Rio: Is that an order? Buster: Yeah Rio: Fuck Rio: You better promise to be quiet too Rio: as much as it pains me Buster: Can I make noise if I promise to only to do it in your ear? Rio: You've got to Rio: You know what your voice does to me Buster: Then I promise Rio: This is why your lap is my favourite place, holy Buster: When I get you pregnant we should do it exactly like this Buster: In front of everyone Rio: Please Rio: Make me a Mum for everyone to see Buster: I will Buster: Just tell me when Rio: When do you want our babies? Buster: Jesus, it shouldn't be so fucking hot hearing you ask that Rio: I know Rio: We're a little bit twisted, baby but it's so good Rio: I shouldn't want you to own me like this in front of them all but I do so fucking much Buster: You make me wanna fuck a baby into you right now Rio: You could Buster: Do you want me to? Rio: Yes Buster: Listen to what you're doing to me, oh my god Rio: I've always told you you're my Daddy, Buster, so let me make it even truer Buster: I really fucking love you, Rio Buster: Let's do it Rio: I love you so much Rio: You're beautiful Buster: You're perfect Buster: You know that Rio: You too Rio: That's why I want this Buster: I don't know what to say Rio: You don't need to say anything, baby, just don't stop Buster: Not until you cum for me Rio: I need to go harder Rio: just got to make sure the coast is clear first Buster: Do it Rio: You're doing it for me, you know you're thrusting into me so rough right now, baby Buster: I know what you need Buster: I don't care about anything or anyone else Rio: You don't care if anyone sees what you're doing to me? Rio: Or hears the noises I'm getting you to make? Buster: No Rio: Good Rio: Me either Rio: all I care about is making you cum right now Buster: I'm so close I have no idea how everyone doesn't already know Rio: Maybe they do but they're too polite to say Rio: Wanna let you finish, give them grandbabies Buster: Jesus Christ Rio: I'm gonna have such sexy bruises on my hips, you're gripping on to me so tight Buster: I swear I'll kiss them better later I just Rio: Do it, Daddy Rio: Bruise me all you need, I need this just as bad Buster: Take it all, baby Buster: Everything you need Rio: I don't know how I take all of you Rio: You're so big and I'm so small Buster: That's how bad you want me Rio: It is Rio: This is what Heaven feels like Buster: You're always gonna feel it Buster: I promise Buster: I'll make a baby for you before I leave Rio: I'm going to pass out from keeping these screams in Rio: It'll be like you're still here with me Rio: half of you, always Buster: I know Rio: Do you want a boy or girl, baby? Buster: I don't care Buster: It'll be beautiful either way Rio: So beautiful Buster: And fucking perfect, like you Rio: Buster Rio: Please put them in me now Buster: Okay baby Rio: I get why my parents had so many if it feels this good Buster: I'll give you as many as you want Rio: I don't wanna be able to not do this whenever we want though Buster: Your parents clearly found the time Buster: Not that I wanna think about them like that but Rio: True Rio: 11 it is then Buster: Yeah Rio: Anyway, it's clearly dead easy to sneak away for quickies when you've got a big family so Buster: We've proved that enough times Rio: Please never leave me Rio: If I ever have to face a family function without you I won't survive, like Buster: I'm not going anywhere without you Buster: And our babies Buster: However many there are Rio: Promise Buster: On my life Buster: You never have to worry about that Rio: Good Rio: Should I come with you when you go back for exams or will it be less distracting if I stay Buster: I want you with me Buster: But I know you've got responsibilities here too so Rio: Hmm, see what we can do Buster: We're gonna need a house if we're having 11 kids Buster: And a garden Rio: We can make it happen Rio: We both work hard Buster: We can go live in Brazil one day too if you want Buster: Not forever but Rio: You really would do anything to make me happy, wouldn't you? Rio: How did I get so lucky Buster: It isn't luck, babe Buster: You deserve it Buster: And you made it happen as much as I did Rio: You're the best, Buster McKenna Buster: For you, yeah Rio: Can we get a dog too if we have a garden then? 😋 Buster: 'Course Buster: You know I want to Rio: and a cat too Buster: As long as you don't go as hard as your mum, like Rio: Oh, so 11 kids is cool but that many cats is crazy? Buster: Obviously Rio: 😏 Rio: You're funny Buster: I'm just not a cat person, alright? Rio: 😑 You really gonna make me divorce you already Buster: That's not funny Buster: Don't make me pout at my own party Rio: Awh baby Rio: Just say sorry to all the cats individually and it'll be fine Buster: 😒 Rio: 😂 Buster: Stop Rio: I'm just playing, don't be grumpy Rio: There's no getting rid of me really Buster: Be nice to me, I've got another surprise for you Rio: What Rio: Tell me tell me Buster: It's not much of a surprise if I do Buster: It's just a little wedding present, like Buster: Calm down Rio: You know, you don't need to get me a present Buster: Shh Buster: Indie helped, it's a team effort Rio: Can I have it now Buster: Well Buster: Say please first Rio: Please Rio: Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top Buster: Alright Buster: Come with me Rio: You can't give it to me here? Rio: You literally just did, like Buster: It's too big Buster: Leave the jokes out, cheers Buster: It's not far, come on, we'll be right back Rio: Hmm what have you done, boy Rio: but I'm coming Buster: Trust me Rio: I do

[awed-frog]

Somewhere between Heaven and Hell/I Love You More

Okay, so - I don’t really know what to make of this episode. We know Davy Perez is all about brotherhood and family dynamics, and it looks like he forced quite a few things to be able to tell the story he wanted to tell. Which was, overall, good. I mean, I’m less than thrilled that he had to rewrite so many plot points and queercode every single villain to get there, but it was an interesting episode. What it also was - all about Sam and Dean, and whatever the hell is happening now between them, so it turns out the title had less to do with Crowley and Cas than I’d assumed (which is worrying, becase ‘between Heaven and Hell’ - that’s literally where Sam and Dean were in season 4, and boy, those were fun times).

Just to get it out of the way, a short list of OOC things:

Dean is absolutely not the kind of person who’d wear the same underwear for four days and walk around - or, Jesus Christ, sit down in his stupidly beloved car - covered in entrails if he had any other choice. Which he clearly had, because Sam looked freshly showered, so.

Ghouls, wraiths and sirens don’t live together, so either Dean went without a shower for two weeks, or, what? They found an underground poker den full of magical creatures? That was weird.

Also, sirens do interesting things to their victims - show, you lose several points for using one on an offscreen case.

I thought Sam was done assuming Dean is an idiot? Apparently not, though. And is Dean playing along, or just badly written? Still on the fence on that one.

Crowley is so fickle. Or, at least, written that way. He can’t be angry and bad-tempered one second, and flirting with Dean the next. That’s not how it works - or, it shouldn’t be.

And - he’s got a soul, now? Is this canon? Because if it is, it’s Big News. Of course, it’s possible Lucifer was just grandstanding and dicking around, but if so, one line of dialogue would have made that clear (“I’ll eat your soul. Not that you have one - figure of speech.”), and instead - what?

Cas is in some town where they kill angels (and, remember, we’ve got two Princes of Hell on the loose, one of them, we know, is taking an active interest in Kelly) and Dean’s like, Okay, sounds like fun, bye? I’m just - okay, then.

Master of secrecy Sam Winchester waited weeks to make his case to Dean about the BMoL, and then just chose to blurt it all out at the worst possible moment because Mick was calling him? Uh.

See, I know I say this every other week, but you can’t just pick and mix. If you write for a show with twelve season of canon behind it, you need to be more careful about balancing that canon with what you need to happen in a specific episode. 

Then again, apparently the target audience here is this mythological ‘casual viewer’ who wouldn’t notice any of those things, so, whatever.

I’m not bitter.

Moose and Not Moose

I was slightly uneasy about their relationship before, and now I’m downright worried. Because Sam and Dean were clearly paralleled with Gwen and Marcus, and what the hell was up with that? 

I mean - Gwen is this brilliant young thing going off to university, while Marcus, sweet and goofy, stays behind. He’s happy for her to go because it’s a great opportunity, but, of course, will miss her like crazy and hopes they can keep having the same kind of relationship even when Gwen’s away. Meanwhile, Gwen knows she’ll dump him the second she gets to college and move on to bigger and better things.

(Seriously - how much more obvious can they get?)

Also, Gwen has to stay and watch while Marcus is torn apart by Hellhounds.

(Okay, I take that back.)

Now, this is neither nefarious nor unusual. Sam and Dean get mirrored with random characters every week - that’s how shows work. And it doesn’t even mean anything subtextually, because, come on, they’re brothers, okay, so it’s a different kind of love, and of course they would know about each other’s underwear - they’ve basically been sharing a room for thirty years. It’s not weird.

What is weird, on the other hand, is what Gwen said: I liked Marcus. He was sweet and kind. And he loved me. More than I ever loved him. 

What are we supposed to take away from this?

I don’t think this is to be read at face value, ie that Dean loves Sam more than Sam loves Dean. I think that what we see here is the same thing we keep seeing about their relationship - what we’ve seen for years and years: that there’s an unbalance there, because they do not behave like brothers, but like parent and child - which is what they are. Dean raised Sam, after all. I mentioned two weeks ago this little detail of Sam being completely unprepared to take off Dean’s clothes and look for symptoms of a lethal curse, and here it is again: the parent/child coding. Sam can be fine without Dean, because that’s what children do. They wander off on their own, generally don’t call, and never, ever realize how much their parents are hurt by this, and how much they worry about them, their wellbeing and their happiness. And it’s no use complaining, because, after all, they're supposed to make you miserable, as Bobby angrily reminded Dean, right before comparing the relationship John had with Sam with the choices Dean was making. Because, again, subtext, or whatever. In any case - things may be slightly different now, because Sam’s weird and dented (although, we’re still not focusing on that, and aaaaargh), but before - when they were Gwen and Marcus’ age - yeah, that’s exactly what happened. Sam went away to his renowned university, and he was fine and happy and had a whale of a time, and meanwhile Dean was - we don’t know. Hunting on his own, experimenting with drugs, left behind by his father, getting his heart broken by Cassie after a two-weeks relationship he took too damn seriously because he had nothing else.

Getting torn apart by a Hellhound is certainly a quicker way to die, though the jury’s still out on the levels of pain.

And the thing is, Gwen did her penance - Marcus died because of her (well, not because of her, exactly, but of course she’d feel that way - and why did the Hellhound go after him in the first place, anyway?) and she’ll carry that guilt for the rest of her life. If I'd just told him, she says, If I - Why couldn't I just tell him the truth? And maybe Sam hears her, because narratively this is what anticipates his bumbling confession at the end of the episode.

And Dean, again, accepts this half-assed thing without question, just like he accepted Mary’s not-apology last week. At this point, I have to wonder if Dean is so terrified of losing his family he’ll say anything to keep them around, or if they’re planning to go somewhere with this.

Or maybe I just don’t understand his character as well as I thought I did.

Heaven and Hell

If Sam and Dean seem stuck between Heaven and Hell in their own way, Cas and Crowley aren’t faring much better. What this episode proved, if anything, is how little Crowley and Cas need to be happy, and how little it would take for the whole band to work together on a permanent basis instead of this circus of heartache they’ve got going on every week.

Like, Crowley’s clearly hurting. Not only they basically killed his son last week, but apparently neither Sam nor Dean bothered to thank him for saving Cas’ life, since they both do so (with some resentment, may I add) in this episode, which takes place months after Ramiel’s death. Well done? I mean - seriously, I love them, but they’re such dicks. Crowley had no interest whatsoever in destroying one of the most powerful weapons in the universe on the off-chance it could save a depressed seraph who, wait for it, probably still wants to kill him and he’s got a list of reasons to do so tucked away in his trench coat’s pockets - and yet he did. And they did’t even buy him a beer? Jesus. 

I still have a Crowley meta to finish and two questions in my inbox about him, so I’ll keep this short and get into more detail elsewhere. Let me just add that when Marcus/Dean said he’d hoped things would get weird, Gwen/Sam answered they wouldn’t; and Crowley - Crowley said, “It can always get weirder”. Take from that what you want - a reminder of their summer of love, the fact Crowley always accepts Dean exactly as he is, without judging, or maybe the foreshadowing of some kind of choice - Dean and his monster friends against Sam and the Mission Impossible psychos - we don’t know what that means yet. It’s just unsettling, you know, that out of Sam and the literal King of Hell, Sam was the one keeping secrets and manipulating Dean to get what he wants, while Crowley is just - he wants to flirt and walk around in the dark and have a conversation with someone he likes for a change, instead of those minions who hate him and make his life boring boring boring and good riddance, well done for setting that trap and leaving them to die, nothing more than they both deserved.

As for Cas, again - a little more appreciation could go a long way here. Look at what happened this week: Cas is off on his own to search for Kelly, because, you know, she’s carrying a thing that could end the world and she’s under the protection of a Prince of Hell, but sure, that’s not important enough for the Winchesters to focus on. Plus, he’s in some town where two angels have been killed, and all Dean can do is a half-assed phone call (which Cas initiated, from the look of things) and a whatever Alright, let us know, bye? 

Jesus.

Meanwhile, Heaven can do a bit better. They can offer Cas forgiveness, absolution, love, a family. And a home. That’s, like, everything Cas wants, right? And now one of his brothers has figured out that insulting the Winchesters and offering Cas a choice isn’t the way to go - that maybe it’s a matter of being a bit more diplomatic with the weird soldier who’s been out in the field too long - well - I’m not surprised Cas took it, and I’m not surprised he didn’t tell Dean. After all, Dean spared about two seconds wondering if Cas sounded weird in any way before refocusing on his (real) family - his kid brother and whatever’s going on with him.

There’s a lot more to say (about technology, for instance, and about this Frodo thing, and about Dean’s obsession with Hello Kitty merch and koalas, and also I decided to be weird about Marcus’ jacket just because), but I want to end with something else: Ramsey.

According to Crowley, Right after God said, ‘Let there be light’, he - he made a whole bunch of things - posies, koalas, hellhounds. He wanted the Creator's best friend, but the hounds were too vicious. So he planned on having them all put down, until along came our favorite fallen angel. He rescued one of the hounds - a pregnant bitch named Ramsey.

Leaving aside that this is a fascinating addition to the show’s mythology and what it says about God’s effective power and interest in the world, even at the very beginning, and leaving aside Lucifer’s motives for saving Ramsey - I sometimes wish this show took things a bit more seriously. Like, they do sometimes - only this week they had Lucifer’s wings, and the scene was shot with the suitable level of awe you’d expect for such a thing, but as for the Winchesters - even Sam, the pious librarian - they have no sense of sacred anymore, if the ever did. Here they are, putting down a creature that was created by God himself at the dawn of everything, and they feel - nothing.

Personally, I like my magic realism with a higher does of self-awareness, and I - I know Supernatural’s not like that, and I’m generally okay with it, just - I don’t know. I’ve been a bit blue lately, so I jumped back into my childhood’s books, and there it was - in David Eddings’ world, for instance, there is both - the quest and the banter and the offhand ‘the only question is, how can I kill it’ attitude, but also - also those moments of quiet and sadness and realization that yes, so the monster is dead and that’s good, because you lived, but - the monster is dead, and there will never be another one like it. It was made by the gods, it lived thousands of years, and now it is no more.

Humans are too short-lived to understand most things, but they could try and respect them, if nothing else.

[live-in-fury]

I stepped out of my comfort zone a little bit and wrote a Hartzy/Vinnie fic with background 1988 (also posted on AO3)

The slow buzzing of the heater kicks in as Ryan tucks his face further into Vinnie’s neck. “Finally,” he mutters against his skin. “I’m freezing.”

Vinnie tightens his hold on Ryan’s waist and places a light kiss on his forehead.

They’ve been cuddling in their hotel room for the better part of an hour now. They’re trying to kill time until they have to head over to the MTS Centre for their game.

“I totally caught Kaner staring at Jonny’s ass after practice,” Ryan says.

Vinnie chuckles. “Nice.”

“They have a thing, I just know it,” Ryan says.

Vinnie groans. “Not this again, Ry.”

Ryan pulls away slightly to look at his boyfriend. “But why won’t they just tell me? I’ve been giving them every opportunity to.”

“They’ll tell you on their own terms,” Vinnie says.

“I just want to know,” Ryan says.

“Do you want to tell them about us then?” Vinnie asks.

“No way,” Ryan says, quickly. “We have too much to lose.”

Vinnie gives him a look and Ryan shakes his head. “It’s not the same and you know it. They’re vets now. If they told me and I was a dick about it, I would still be fucked.”

“Just shut up,” Vinnie murmurs, sleepily. He tugs Ryan back down against his chest and threads a hand through his hair, instantly shutting him up.

*

They day PR announces Trevor as the You Can Play ambassador, he’s talking about it to a group of guys in the locker room. Ryan shoulders his way into the circle. He glances around it and sees Patrick and Jonny there.

“A friend of mine growing up is gay,” Ryan says when there is a lull in the conversation. It’s a not a complete lie, Vinnie was his friend growing up. He mentions this so that Patrick and Jonny know he’s cool with it, which, obviously.

Patrick and Jonny exchange a glance and Trevor raises an eyebrow. “And?”

“Oh, I just- it’s cool you’re doing this, y’know?” Ryan says.

“Thanks,” Trevor says, shrugging.

Ryan waits for either Patrick or Jonny to pull him aside the rest of the day and maybe let him in on their relationship, but it never happened.

He clearly needs to try harder.

*

The team’s at a bar a few night later, celebrating a close win. Ryan’s been watching Patrick nurse the same beer for over an hour now while making idle conversation with Schmaltzy and Jonny chatting with a few of the married guys on the team.

“You stare anymore and I’ll start to get jealous,” Vinnie whispers in Ryan’s ear, tucked up against him in their booth.

Ryan rolls his eyes. “Don’t be an idiot, I’m observing.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yup, gotta see how they behave in a public environment filled with couples, women, and alcohol,” Ryan explains.

“What have you learned?” Vinnie asks.

“They barely even look at each other,” Ryan says. “Weird, right?”

“I guess,” Vinnie responds.

“Like they don’t even talk or sit near each other. Do you think it’s because they don’t want the fact that neither of them ever pick up to be obvious?” Ryan asks.

Vinnie scoffs. “Maybe they just can’t trust themselves around each other in public while they’re drunk.”

“Can you trust yourself around me?” Ryan asks, wondering what the cause for the difference in the couples’ behavior is.

“Ry, you literally just gave me a blowjob in the bathroom five minutes ago,” Vinnie whispers.

“Shit, maybe we should take their lead and keep our distance from each other?”

“Why? No one’s said anything yet.”

“Yeah, yet. What if someone catches on?” Ryan asks.

“We deal with it then. Just relax, babe,” Vinnie says shaking his shoulder. “Maybe they’re just fighting.”

Ryan notices Schmaltzy’s left his spot. He pulls away from Vinnie and makes his way over to Patrick.

“Not gonna hook up tonight?” Ryan asks, settling into Schmaltzy’s empty seat.

“Nah,” Patrick says, taking a sip.

“I’ve noticed you don’t really pick up, why’s that?” he asks, trying to be causal about it.

Patrick smiles, weakly. “Just trying to focus on hockey right now, you know how it is.”

Ryan deflates at the answer. If there ever was a great time for Patrick to admit something it was then.

“Right, I feel you,” he says. He immediately heads back to Vinnie, desperate to get away from Patrick’s depressing aura.

*

The next step in Ryan’s plan is flirting. He corners Jonny during practice. He starts the conversation innocently enough, asking about a play they tried when they used to be on the same line.

“I like your stick,” Ryan blurts out. He meant to find a way to work the word ‘stick’ into the conversation, but word vomited instead.

“What?” Jonny asks, looking amused.

Ryan taps Jonny’s stick with his own. “You’ve got a nice stick,” Ryan says, winking. “I’d like to try it someday.”

He thinks he went too far, but just as he’s skating away with a furious blush, hoping for the ground to swallow him whole, Jonny catches up to him. “Just let me know when,” Jonny says, winking back before skating away.

Shit.

Ryan wants to tell Vinnie what happened so badly, but he knows he’ll just hear a lecture in return so he spends the rest of the day avoiding him.

*

Ryan knocks on Jonny’s hotel room to put Step 398 into place.

“’Sup?” Jonny asks, opening the door and strolling back to his bed.

Ryan follows after him.

“I was bored, wondering what you were up to,” Ryan says.

Jonny shrugs and gestures at the TV where a rerun of Friends is playing.

Ryan eyes Jonny’s bed and gasps. “Your sheets are different than mine,” he says, walking over to sit on his bed. He bunches a corner of the sheets up in his hand. “They’re so much softer.”

“Uh, okay?” Jonny says.

Ryan swallows and gives himself a quick pep talk before crawling into Jonny’s bed with him.

“What are you-”

“So much softer, wow,” Ryan says once he’s in the bed.

“Uh… Hartzy…” Jonny trails off as Ryan wraps an arm around his waist and rests his head on his shoulder.

“You’re so warm,” Ryan says, thanking all deities that Jonny’s wearing a shirt.

The connecting door between Jonny and Patrick’s rooms opens and Patrick strolls in, stopping short at the sight of Ryan cuddling up to Jonny in bed.

“Uh, am I interrupting something?” Patrick asks, smirking.

Patrick walking in on them was not a part of the plan. Jonny was just supposed to push him away and say he’s seeing Patrick.

Jonny’s eyes widen and he profusely shakes his head as he tries to pry Ryan’s arms off of him.

Ryan holds on a second longer hoping for Patrick will stop smiling and start yelling.

When it’s clear that’s not going to happen, he sighs and slowly gets out of the bed. “I was just testing out his bed,” Ryan explains. He knows it sounds sketchy but maybe that’s a good thing. “I’m gonna head back to my room. I’ll see you guys later,” he says.

“Bye, Ryan,” Patrick says, sounding like he’s on the verge of laughter.

Ryan stops and pokes his head back in the room. “Oh by the way, you smell really good, Jonny.”

*

Ryan has tried everything he can think of. It’s time to pull out the big guns.

A few days later, he visits Jonny’s room again in a last ditch attempt.

Jonny’s walking back into his room after opening the door for him. He stops him with a hand on his shoulder and gently pushes him against the wall.

Ryan slowly leans in and hovers his lips near Jonny’s. He tries to give Jonny ample time to shove him away or say something, but Jonny just stands there frozen and wide eyed.

Ryan has no choice but to close the gap and kiss him. He’s praying this works.

Just as his lips brush Jonny’s, Jonny’s hands clasp around his biceps and someone walks through the connecting door.

Jonny shoves Ryan away as Patrick stomps back into his room, clearly angry.

“Shit,” Ryan mutters. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Oh yeah and what was?” Jonny asks, shoving him away even more and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“You were supposed to push me away and say ‘Sorry I have a boyfriend,’” Ryan explains, defeated.

“I couldn’t think. Jesus, Hartzy. What’s your problem?” Jonny asks as he turns to leave, probably to run after Patrick.

*

Vinnie’s sliding his key card into his room just as Patrick hurries out of his room.

“Everything okay?” Vinnie asks as Patrick stomps down the hall.

“No,” Patrick says, upset. “I just caught Jonny kissing Hartzy.”

Vinnie blinks at him. All those words, in that order, don’t make sense to him.

“Come in,” he finally says, opening his room door and ushering Patrick inside.

“So, what happened?” Vinnie asks.

Patrick explains how he walked in on Jonny and Hartzy kissing. Vinnie’s known about Patrick and Jonny being a couple for a few months now. He caught them kissing in the parking lot after practice and they made him promise not to tell anyone.

“I don’t know exactly what Ryan’s been up to, but I know he’s been wanting us to come clean to him for some reason. He suspects that we’re together but I think he just wants proof or something,” Patrick says.

“You noticed that?” Vinnie asks.

“Of course. We aren’t idiots. He’s so fucking obvious with it, but this was taking it too far. It’s not funny anymore,” Patrick grumbles.

Vinnie sighs. “Yeah, it’s not.”

Vinnie knows it’s likely that Ryan didn’t really want to kiss Jonny. It was probably all a part of his stupid plan to get them to confess about their relationship. Vinnie caught on to the plan when he realized Ryan and him barely spent any time together lately. He started keeping tabs on Ryan and noticed he was always either with Patrick or Jonny.

But why would Ryan take it this far unless he really did like Jonny? Maybe that was the whole point in the first place. Maybe he’s crushing on Jonny and he wanted to know if he was single and gay. Maybe he’s with Vinnie because who else would he be with? It’s too dangerous to go out and try to hook up in the city, maybe he’s just been settling.

Patrick’s phone rings and brings Vinnie out of his thoughts.

“It’s Jonny,” Patrick says. “I’m gonna go find him. He probably thinks I’m mad at him.”

“You aren’t?” Vinnie asks.

“Nah, I know he wasn’t cheating or anything. This is all on Ryan,” Patrick says, heading towards the door. “It’s just not a good feeling seeing your boyfriend kissing someone else, regardless of the circumstances.”

Patrick opens the door just as Ryan was slipping his key into the slot.

“Oh, hey,” Ryan says. “I didn’t mean to-”

Patrick shoulders past him before Ryan finishes his sentence.

Vinnie retreats further into their room and sits at the head of the bed that they share.

“Did he tell you what happened?” Ryan asks, sitting at the foot of the bed.

“Yeah.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Ryan says, immediately. “I didn’t really mean to kiss him. He was supposed to push me away.”

“So why did you kiss him?” Vinnie asks.

“I had to follow through? I don’t know I just wanted him to say something but he just let it happen.”

Ryan’s answer does nothing to quiet all the questions and doubt running through Vinnie’s mind.

“What’s really going on here?” Vinnie asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Why would you go as far as kissing another guy just to find out if he’s gay when you have a boyfriend, Ry? It just doesn’t make sense,” Vinnie explains.

“I- I don’t know I just wanted him to admit it so badly that I did whatever I could think of,” Ryan admits.

The room is silent for a while, not even the heater makes a sound.

“Maybe we should take a break,” Vinnie says, making up his mind. If he has to question their relationship in the first place, then that’s a bad sign. Maybe they just need some time a part and not take each other for granted.

Ryan sighs and turns to face him. “Yeah, let’s just cuddle for a while and come back to this later.”

Vinnie shakes his head. “No I mean a break break, like a relationship break.”

Ryan’s eyes widen. “What? What are you talking about? I love you,” he says. “We’ve been together for five years.”

“I know. Maybe that’s the problem,” Vinnie admits, looking away. They met as kids and started going out as teenagers. They stayed together even as Vinnie went to play for Notre Dame and Ryan played for the Whalers. Getting drafted on the same team was almost impossible, but it happened to them.

“What?” Ryan asks.

“We’ve been together for so long. Do you actually love me or is it just because you’re kind of stuck with me?” Vinnie asks what’s been on his mind for a while now. It hurts to ask, but he knows it’ll hurt even more to find out later.

“Why would you ever think that?” Ryan asks, incredulous.

“I don’t know, maybe because you’re trying to get other guys to out themselves to you,” Vinnie says. “You want to know that they’re gay so that you have more options, more people you can maybe be with who understand your situation and not just me.”

Ryan makes a wounded sound. Vinnie finally glances at him and he looks like he’s about to cry.

“Vinnie, babe. No, I-no. That’s not it at all, it’s not. You have to believe me. The fact that you’re even thinking this hurts,” Ryan says, turning back around to face the TV.

“Finding out your boyfriend cares more about another couple’s relationship then his own hurts too,” Vinnie mutters.

They’re at a standstill. Neither of them knows the right words to say to the other when someone knocks on their door.

Vinnie doesn’t want to continue the conversation so he goes to open it. It’s Patrick and Jonny. They follow him inside and hover near the unused bed.

“We’ve been dating on and off for eight years now, happy?” Patrick announces.

Vinnie glances at Ryan to see his reaction. He figured Ryan would be jumping up and down, but he just looks broken.

*

Ryan sees Patrick and Jonny exchange looks out of the corner of his eyes.

“Why did you want to know so badly, Hartzy?”

Ryan shrugs. He doesn’t trust his voice right now.

Patrick walks over and sits next to him. “We aren’t mad at you. We’re just a bit confused.”

Ryan turns around and stares at Vinnie who sits by the pillows and refuses to meet his gaze. The explanation would out him too and he doesn’t know if that’s okay, but he doesn’t really have a choice anymore.

“I wanted to be able to talk about Vinnie with someone other than my family. They always complain I talk about him too much,” Ryan admits. “I was also sick of having to keep it all in. It was kind of obvious you two had something going on, but I didn’t know for sure so I thought if you guys admitted it, then I could talk to you about him and about us.”

Patrick nods his head in understanding. “Why didn’t you just ask or talk to us about him anyway? Why did you need definite proof?”

“It was too risky,” Ryan explains. “We’re rookies here and I didn’t want to fuck things up for us. I needed to be sure. It’s a sensitive topic.”

“Why can’t you just talk to me, why do you need other people?” Vinnie pipes up.

Ryan kicks at the ugly carpeting and scoffs. “What am I supposed to do when we fight? Complain to you about how wrong you are?” Ryan asks. “And how about when I get overwhelmed with how much I love you? It’s different, Vin, I can’t tell you all of that.”

“Well you have us now,” Jonny says, coming over and gingerly patting Ryan on the back. “Let’s just pretend the whole, uh, kiss thing didn’t happen, okay? You can talk to us whenever you want, Ryan.”

Ryan gives them a weak smile. “I’m really sorry.”

“You’re forgiven,” Patrick says. “Don’t worry about it.”

“We’ll, uh, let you guys talk,” Jonny says. “See you in a few hours.”

Ryan watches them leave, walking so close that their arms brush.

“Were you telling the truth?” Vinnie says as soon as the door closes.

Ryan stares at the reflection of Vinnie in the TV. “Of course I was,” he says. “I can’t believe you think I want to be with one of them? Have you seen Patrick’s hair? Jonny’s crazy eyes? Do you really think I have no taste?”

Vinnie lets out a watery laugh and crawls down the bed to him. He wraps his warm arms around Ryan from behind. “Why didn’t you just tell me the real reason?”

“I don’t know, it sounds stupid after everything I did,” Ryan says. “Like I was that desperate to just have someone to talk.”

“It’s not stupid,” Vinnie says, lips brushing Ryan’s ear.

“No?”

“No,” Vinnie says. “But, um, I gotta tell you something and you can’t get mad.”

“What?” Ryan says, cautiously.

“I knew about them,” Vinnie says. “I caught them kissing in the parking lot once.”

Ryan flails and struggles to get out of Vinnie’s arms. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he practically shouts.

“They made me promise,” Vinnie answers. “I love you, Ry, but that’s a pretty big secret and you know how seriously I take my promises.”

Vinnie’s an asshole, Ryan decides. “It would have saved me a lot of embarrassment. I can’t even face them now,” Ryan grumbles.

“Sorry,” Vinnie says, sounding anything but sorry. “They forgive you, though so it’s all good.”

Ryan sighs and lets Vinnie manuvor them into bed so that he’s wrapped around Vinnie’s arms, head resting on his chest.

“So how was the kiss?” Vinnie asks after a few minutes of silence.

Ryan laughs. “Like kissing a dead fish.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah dude, it was gross,” Ryan says, almost shuddering at the memory of Jonny’s chapped lips against his.

Vinnie giggles and leans down to kiss him. Ryan meets him half way and feels a rush of warmth fill his stomach. When they first started dating he thought he’d get used to kissing Vinnie and that feeling would fade, but here he is, years later still getting butterflies for Vincent fucking Hinostroza.

“Mmm,” Ryan moans as Vinnie pulls away. Ryan slips a hand around his neck and tugs him back down for more. “It doesn’t even compare.”

[exquisite-tragedy]

This Girl. Pt. 2

I’ve never seen anyone behave in such a disgusting way. She’s no different than my dad ignoring a little girl possibly being kidnapped. She ignored a heavily drugged and drunk driver. It’s not her responsibility, like my dad said. Oh god. She is exactly my father! She has had the exact same racist arguments that he has. The same sexist arguments. She’s so ignorant and a narcissist. I really fell in love right off the bat with my father. My horrible and despicable excuse for a human being, father. I feel like that’s really unfair because I was head over heels before I even really knew her so this was purely the universe not me. It’s a shame gabby has no moral role models. Not a one. Even her own sister stayed friends with the girl that molested her. Morals? I don’t see them. That’s worse than what James did in my opinion. To stay friend with and then tell your sister she HAS to be around and be kind to her molester? Quit preaching Jesus at me when you’re not even a good person let alone a good sister. Autumn and I are good sisters. Loyalty. Gabby could’ve been apart of a dysfunctional but full of love and loyalty family. It’s better than a sister who’d turn on you over nothing because “the law” and “morals” but didn’t get her sexual assaulting friend put in prison? Poor gabby. I was really the last person who genuinely loves and cares about her and she did everything she could to try and break me. Now she’s turning to a person that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt won’t be loyal or caring or selfless with her. A person she knows deep down is gonna screw her. I don’t know what will make it happen but shae will abandon gabby. I can see that. I’m not perfect but the bottom line is I’m the only person who cares about gabby. Maybe that’s why I can’t walk away. It’s not like she has anyone if I do? Her sister isn’t loyal. Her sister is the only other person I think she truly has and her sister honestly sucks. Now that I’m not her gf I don’t have to pretend Jackie is good to her. She’s really not. I’m so disappointed in her for what a bad sister she’s been and that’s so sad considering this is the BEST sister she’s been. What is the matter with that girl? I wish my love was enough to give gabby what she needs but it’s just not. Her rock bottom is gonna be bad. Remembering wasn’t even her rock bottom. Sex with a 15 y/o wasn’t rock bottom. Cheating wasn’t rock bottom. And cheating with a girl who looks 3 years younger than she actually is at all times! She looks like a kid it honestly concerns me. It’s like her type is people that look way too young and innocent. Lw creeps me out but I’ll never tell her that. The only mirror I’ll ever give her on that front is that she had sex with a 15 y/o and everything she did there just had predator written all over it. She listened to me telling her it wasn’t weird? I was 15? Ya crackhead? But then again Gabby has never made good decisions and she doesn’t make decisions different from what people tell her. She really is a sheep! Wow. So not Russ esque at all. It’s a shame she isn’t a better person. If she was we’d be great. If only she wanted to be better for her and she didn’t always do it for me. If she had really wanted it for her wow. If she currently actually wanted to be better wow. But she doesn’t. That’s not what breaking up with me was. She just got tired of working to be better to please someone else. Until she wants to please herself she’ll always be a bad person. She can’t hear this. I won’t ever really tell her how severe it is. She’s a lot like her father. Not in the molesting way. Not in the physical abuse way. She managed to do everything she could to not be those things she hates most about him. But in so many other ways I know she’s like him. They’re too similar. It’s why he hated her and attacked her so much. That and because she screamed. He hates himself. The same way she does. And they’ll hate the people who are like them. But they’ll hate the people that are better than them too. I wish love healed. I wish so badly that love healed people.