#like yeah yeah you're looking at all the negative but idk man

[controlled-haterade]

look, again, maybe im just drinking too much haterade but like yeah I can acknowledge the things I have to be grateful for like Alex & my cat & my car but like in the grand scheme of things???

[thotsfortherapy]

bruh I had a social for my club and my housemate ruined the vibes so bad like. The way I feel like I need to send out a mass apology for their behaviour now :////

[luveline]

Hi idk if u have already written this if u have pls igonore but what about the first time bombshell reader calls Spencer beautiful?

fem, 1k

“Gideon has a new prodigy.” 

Your head rises of its own accord. “Yeah?” 

“He's younger than you. Twenty three, I think Hotch said. Fresh out of college, two degrees and working on a third? Or maybe he was getting his doctorate? I couldn't keep up.” Morgan shakes his head in disapproval. “Overeducated and under-experienced. He failed his physicals. The ones he took, anyways.” 

“Ooh, ouch. A baby on the team before me,” you joke with a smile. “Genius baby, but a baby.” 

Morgan smiles when you smile, he's too nice not to, but he picks up soon enough, crossing his arms where he's stood and wrinkling what was once a finely steamed suit jacket. “I don't know what Gideon's thinking.” 

“Does anyone ever know what he's thinking? What's Hotch say about it all?” 

Morgan reads what you're typing from over your shoulder and corrects a mistake. One day you won't need his help, but for now you take as much of it as you can get. You're not too proud to acknowledge when you mess up, you're a realist. Super sensible (in mind if not action). 

“Hotch lets Gideon do what he wants, mostly. What can you do when he's one of the originals?” Morgan leans heavily onto his desk by the forearms and shrugs. You’re similar in this regard; complain, move on. You're similar in other ways, too. That's why you get along. 

“Well, I want to meet this guy,” you say. “We'll be teammates just as soon as Strauss stops hating me. I'm one strategic boxed bouquet from a full pardon.” He laughs and touches your arm like he believes you. “Is he around?” 

“Here they are now.” 

You spin in Morgan's desk chair slowly. Jason Gideon is stalking through the office with his head in the contents of a manilla envelope, while a new face follows behind him talking a mile a minute. 

“Obviously,” you hear Gideon interrupt as they get close enough. “Agent Morgan can explain that to you. Don't overthink it, Spencer, just try to get through it.” 

He doesn't acknowledge you nor Morgan as he leaves Spencer and hurries up the steps leading to his and Hotch's offices. You aren't expecting much else from him. What little Gideon knows about you he doesn't like. If you ever get over the Strauss hurdle, it's him you'd have to convince next. You don't watch him cross the landing, your gaze focused on the man making his timid way toward you. Your lips part briefly, and then quirk into an overjoyed smile. 

“Oh, you're beautiful,” you say without thinking. 

He frowns at you. 

“Reid,” Morgan interrupts, “This is Y/N L/N. She works in the sex crimes division. As you can imagine, we get a lot of crossover.” You stand, holding out your hand. “Y/N, this is Spencer Reid.” 

“I don't shake. Sorry.” 

You press your hand to your chest. “Oh, that's okay. I shouldn't assume…” Your voice melds into a silkiness that has his shapely brows furrowing further, “It's nice to meet you, Spencer Reid. You're really pretty, do you know that?” 

Spencer peeks at Morgan quickly, who laughs good-naturedly. “She's serious, Reid. She's not making fun of you.” 

“You'd know,” Spencer says. It isn't malicious, but it isn't exactly friendly, either.

You twist to frown at Morgan deeply. “Morgan, you're not being nice to him?” 

“I'm being plenty nice, sweetheart, but this is how it works. I gotta haze him a little.” 

“No, you don't.” You tip your cheek toward your shoulder to look at Spencer through your lashes. “He pretends to be worse than he is, I promise. But don't let him neg you, okay? You're smarter than he is–” 

“Hey.” 

“–and he's used to being the office pretty boy. It's jealousy, nothing else,” you finish. Spencer really is gorgeous now you're close enough to see his eyes. A brown like caramelised sugar tented by dark, dark eyelashes. When he smiles, the very slightest hint of teeth shows, and it makes him even prettier. You endeavour to make him smile again. “Sorry if I'm coming off a little strong. It's not my intention.” 

“She's just nervous. You have everything she wants,” Morgan says. 

You sigh forlornly. “Oh, doesn't he?” Spencer's confused pout is even cuter than his smile. “Getting into the BAU is about as easy as walking on water.” 

“For a human,” Spencer says. “Easier if you're smaller. Like a water strider.” 

There's a silence. Morgan is aghast, you think. You're in love. 

“Yeah?” you ask, stars in your eyes as his own spark to life. 

“Because water strider's can transfer their weight, but also due to their hydrofuge hairpiles. Their microhairs.” He catches himself, measuring your expression carefully. “Did you really wanna know?” 

“Do you wanna get a cup of coffee and tell me about it?” you ask. 

His lips part as yours had when you first saw him. 

He's prevented from answering as Hotch's office door opens and the man himself walks out near the railing. “Good, you’re here. I have something to talk to you about.” 

You grin at him. “I'd love to chat, Agent Hotchner, but I'm getting to know your new protégé.”

“I see.” He waits. 

You would ignore him —Hotch has a soft spot for you (or rather, he likes you enough to put up with you, which is more than can be said about other members of his division) and he'd shrug off your dismissal— but you're really keen to hear what he has to say. Perhaps Strauss has changed her mind about your proposed trail basis with the team. 

“I'm so sorry,” you say to Spencer, immediately re-dazzled by his pretty, lovely face. “It was really nice to meet you, Spencer Reid. Maybe next time you can tell me more about it.” 

You give Morgan a quick thank you for the help with your paperwork and trust him to log out of your emails. In your rush up the stairs, you hear a wisp of conversation. 

“Was she messing with me?” 

Morgan laughs. “No, kid. That's how she is.” 

"Oh... She's nice."

"You have no idea."

[joonipertree]

idea for the Boxer!Katsuki and Artist!Reader AU! What if, ON TOP OF a rly bad day w college and being overwhelmed w work, we lost our paints :( n we luv our paints so we cry, but katsuki’s there to make us feel better and get us a new set :3

Thank you so fucking much for this. Idk if you knew but I'm actually making a portfolio for art school and Ive been crying every other night because of how stressed I am and how much I feel like I'm a bad artist. So writing this was cathartic

Part 1, Part 2

Tags: Dom/sub undertones, reader acting out and Bakugo being stern, a peak of what kind of shit I want with older men hsjsjsj, fluff, hurt/comfort, soft katsuki

Katsuki was one of the last people you wanted to see when you're in a bad mood. And that might sound terrible but it's because you never wanted to show such a harsh, negative side of yourself to someone you cared about. You were very much a 'feel and then reappear more regulated' type of person. But Katsuki never let you go home on your own anymore, picking you and dropping you off even on days where he had something to do.

So you trotted towards him with a scowl and no energy to fake anything and he noticed instantly, his own concerned scowl mirroring yours.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." You said and opened the door, closing it a bit too loudly. You cringed at the sound but buckled yourself in and turned away before the man got in the driver's seat.

"You're shit at lying."

"Fuck off."

Instant regret, a deep inhale from your part as you tensed.

Fuck.

His large hand came on your thigh and you stiffened, all he did was give it a warning squeeze before pulling away. The message was clear. 'Watch it'.

"I'm not willing to discipline you until I know nothing horrible happened but you do know I don't like that shit from you right?"

You said nothing.

"Give me an answer, doll."

"I'm an adult."

"Yeah, you are. And you're a smart one that knows that we have rules. That I'd be taking you over my lap if you talked like that."

Tears pricked your eyes but you blinked them away, not willing to turn your head to show him.

He knew anyways and he dropped the subject, starting the car and driving off.

Katsuki pulled to a stop at a place that wasn't anywhere near your apartment. You were confused as he got out of the car. Your eyes followed him just as he entered a boba shop.

Oh.

A couple minutes later, he came out with a drink for each of you. You remembered when he said that there just wasn't any point of it, that it seemed stupid and too sweet. But pretty soon, he had his own usual order, which was just Brown Sugar boba tea with the sweetness to a minimum.

Katsuki gave you the drink without even looking your way, sipping on his own. You stared at it for a total of ten seconds before timidly taking a sip. The sweetness broke you out of your sour mood, eyes blinking as you focused on the flavour of your favourite tea. The boba was chewy and soft and it grounded you a bit.

Only after you took a sip, did Katsuki start the car and drive.

When you reached home, the apartment the two of you had started sharing a month prior, Katsuki only gave you time to take off your shoes and put down your bag before he had you over his shoulder.

You struggled, hitting his back and asking him to let you go but he didn't listen...not even feeling it.

And when your ass plopped itself onto the couch, your attempt at running away failed when he easily manhandled you in place.

"I'm not patient enough to coax it out of you, so tell me why you're upset. I'll make it better."

You wanted to refuse but the tears were already dripping down your face.

"I'm so bad at art. I'm so f-fucking bad at it. I don't-" you sobbed and his arms were instantly around you, pulling you onto his lap as you cried into him.

"There's so many deadlines and so many things I have to do and nothing is working. And I don't even know if I'm cut out to be an artist. I'm not good enough, I was never good enough for it. I'm gonna fail-- Katsuki I'm so tired."

Your boyfriend rocked you back and forth, giving you kisses everywhere he could reach, on the side of your face and your head and your hair. And you let the tears fall, hiccuping violently and sobbing without restraint.

"I even lost my fucking paints and I can't live without them and I saved up for them and I'm just doing everything wrong."

You let Katsuki envelope you, squeeze you and warm your inside as you let it all out.

When your sobs died down, Katsuki didn't stop peppering kisses everywhere. It took him a second to speak.

"I didn't know shit about art. It all seemed like fancy, time consuming pictures to me. Hell, even now I don't know shit. But when I saw your art, I felt stuff I thought I didn't know how to feel. And that was the first time I realised that maybe life didn't have to be as shitty as it was. Maybe things didn't have to be ugly."

"When we went to those art galleries, yeah they were cool and pretty but not gonna lie, nothing ever left me speechless like your art did. And yeah...I'm biased as fuck, especially because I thought that the look in your eyes was the prettiest out of everything. That sounds cheesy as shit but you make me feel cheesy as shit."

You had stopped crying, left drained and nuzzled against Katsuki while you looked for an anchor to hold onto. And he held you.

"I like seeing you paint the most though, I like how you focus...I like how you curse under your breath, I like how you grin when something looks right, I like how you scan art supplies before you buy them. I like your paint stained hands and your paint water mugs even when I've accidently taken a sip from them. I like that how you laugh when I do that shit. I love that look of pride you have when you're done and staring at it.

It makes you happy so even if I don't understand the point of it, it means a lot to me because of that. So, whenever that thing stops being fun for you, and really stops being fun for you, I'll support you if you wanna stop. But I gotta keep seeing your work, baby, cuz it's like the inside of your head and it's really neat."

You let a few more tears drop, sniffling and looking into his eyes. There was no ingenuity, only pure emotion. And you let him kiss your tears away, you let him pat your head and you let him make you drink water and feed you.

Because it was never a burden for him to do those things, but a priveledge.

The very next day, the same set of paints were in your bag. Brand new and untouched. Along with three different watercolour paper books. 100% pure cotton, 350 gcm.

With a note that said 'you're still down for a spanking for that shitty mouth of yours. Don't make it a habit.'

[weebsinstash]

for the whole marriage thing, it would be kinda funny if you marry someone else out of spite, especially right after Miguel found out that you two were actually destined for each other.

You, out of breath and looking upset: Dude, this is gonna be a lot but, I need your help doing something to spite Miguel--

Hobie: don't even have to finish mate, you've already sold me on it

You: you and I need to get married because I wanna be my own person and rebel against Miguel because he wants US to get married but I don't want to because fuck him and fuck canon and I wanna choose my own destiny idk am I being dumb 🥺

Hobie, who Definitely Has Nothing To Gain Here Wink Wink: alright, that's what I'm talkin about, fuckin mental, let's do it 😌 fight the man ✊️

But no for real, you were actively avoiding relationships and suddenly Miguel hits you with "you and I are canon and I want to start getting to know each other better" and you're, I dunno, would "panic fucking" work. Would you be so bold. You're just trying to hook another person that YOU choose (and again Hobie would still apply here lmao) because, no, no, you can't let canon TRAP you like this!! And it would fucking suck if you had like, neutral or even negative feelings about Miguel. Shit, I've thought of, imagine being his FWB that he's actually catching feelings for but then the Miles Morales Incident happens and, you're just kind of disgusted how he acted, how he spoke to Miles, how he treated Gwen, but before you can officially tell him "hey, I want nothing to do with you anymore", that's when Miguel comes to you wanting to get more serious and he uh, does not accept you wanting to move on

I guess detouring into a different idea but imagine being kind of a FWB or fling of his that you kind of moved on from him from for whatever reason (he can have a temper, he can be too intense, you don't like when he did xyz, or maybe you're a free spirit and don't want to get serious and break things off when you feel he's too clingy) and he like. Cannot accept you've moved on. He's cockblocking you at the Spider Society bars n clubs and little holes in the wall where the adults go to drink and get together. By reputation alone, people know to avoid tou because Miguel wants you back, everyone still sees you as His Girl, like he's claimed you, but he still catches people dumb enough to get close to you (and I imagine his surveillance slips or he gets busy and you have a casual fuck under his radar and he sees hickeys or something on you later and goes ballistic)

But yeah gosh imagine like, he tells you up front you two are canon and not even 24 hours later you can notice the atmosphere has changed in the Spider Society with how people treat you in terms of respect, personal space, not being too touchy or overly familiar, but, most importantly, you just feel. Awkward. It's like everyone knows. Did they all know before you did, or did Miguel quickly spread the news around? You're not sure which of those is worse. He's wanting to get you know you more intimately, he wants to try and take you on dates, but, he sucks at it, he's been out of the game way too long and he's a stressed temperamental half-spider workaholic, so, his dates amount to, him just trying to spend time with you in different ways while trying to make awkward small talk. He takes you to dinner. He sees if there are any movies or entertainment you wanna see in the Spider Society, making awkward attempts to try and hold your hand

But also. Imagine. A version of Miguel that wants to move much faster than that. I mean, you two are going to be canon, so, you might as well get acclimated to him right away, right? He wants you to immediately spend more time with him, he starts controlling where you are and what you do so he can be spending time with you or connected to you in some way, you're living with him in his own residence now, he INSISTS you sleep in the same bed like a married couple, and while he may not immediately demand you do what married couples do, he makes it clear that he wants to eventually. God, you can barely even relax knowing he's in bed with you and he still forcibly cuddles you, getting used to feeling his body against your own (and what if he slept in the nude 😳 he provides you pj's but they're kind of small and thin and he keeps the room cold on purpose so you have to seek his warmth under the covers)

Miguel is like an established adult in his 30s or something all "we'll get to know each other and then we can start planning our wedding. We'll have dinner dates at least once a week and we'll have joint bank accounts--" meanwhile you're just sitting over here like " um 🥺 I um 🥺 have never really even dated anyone before 🥺" and suddenly this 6 ft 9 man is looking down at you realizing there's a lil bit of an age gap and definitely an experience gap and he gets to have all of your "firsts" and he's Just So Weird About It in like, kinda a fetish way. He gets to have your first kiss, your first time (maybe he even wants to wait until marriage), he gets to teach you things, like, lowkey it's kinda like a mentorship as well as a relationship, he's your teacher, your protector, your husband, your jailor

Like imagine you finally have your first baby and you're freaking out and you're so scared and worried about doing everything absolutely perfect and he's just like, so happy but also kind of romanticizing/fetishizing you being a new/first-time mom, he thinks you're so cute, so eager to do good and learn how to do the best for your baby. He teaches you all kinds of things about childcare and being pregnant since, he's already cared for his fiance before his canon event, he remembers all the things he learned to become a dad, all the things he picked up during the second go around, and now everything new he's learned just for you. I mean really if we follow the combo comic/movie canon, you're the first time he's getting a BABY baby and getting to raise it and do everything from the start, and it's his CANON baby so he knows you're both safe.

I just feel like between his literal list of trauma (beaten by abusive father who also abused his mom, he was betrayed and drugged with a highly addictive and agonizing substance to basically be enslaved, he was sabotaged and atomically spliced with a spider while trying to cure said addiction, his pregnant fiance died, his second family died as well as an entire universe) and him not really even having much of an OPTION with breaking canon at risk (which would have such a domino effect because it happening in his Nueva York would dismantle THE ENTIRE SPIDER SOCIETY, so, this is like, QUARDUPLE RISK) he would just. Like damn you don't even need to have yandere stuff in there, he HAS to make you stay with him? Obviously he eventually has no problem with it and fully enjoys the excuse if he wasn't crazy about you on sight, but like. LMAO you're just hanging around HQ with big sad eyes and people are whispering "who's that over there that Miguel is hovering over" "oh that's Miguel's wife. she's scared of him and he's way too intense" "well why doesnt she just leave him" "can't, they're canon, and even if they werent, i dont think he'd allow it. Shit just the other day she wanted to leave HQ to swing through the city and she didn't get his permission first and Miguel activated the Morales Protocol and sent us all chasing after her" "like ALL all?" "Oh yeah it was totally an 'all available units' situation, and once she saw she was being chased she started freaking out and panicking and tried to run, which pissed him off even more, and is why she's got a babysitter now" "oh wow, that's rough... so anyways do you know what they're serving in the cafeteria today?"

[eydi-andrius]

Can you keep it up? [Miguel O'Hara x Reader]

cw/tw: flirty reader, bashful and irate Miguel, reader doesn't know boundaries, other spiderman/woman used to it and she's 100% supported by them, Lyla being her supportive AI ;)))), Unedited. Written on mobile. I just wanted to write this out of my system.

summary: Just you flirting your way to Miguel's pants' attention.

a/n: very self-serve fic. i understand if some lines would be cringey but that wasn't the point. the point is for Miguel to notice you or idk be tired of your antics. getting his attention is a win-win whether it was positive or negative. 😆

🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️

Does he know he's so hot when he walks that way?

You pouted as you watched Miguel walk towards Miles. Sitting leisurely on your makeshift web hammock, you watched how his firm muscle moves on his tracksuit and how it fits him perfectly. The tight leather wrapped his tempting body so beautifully and deliciously. His hips so small for a burly man, which you liked.

And please, don't get started with those sinful huge chests of his. It's so full, that you know if he cuddles you, he will swallow you whole. Not that you mind though.

For you, he is the perfect definition of tall, dark and handsome.

The only thing that was a turn off about him was his irate attitude. Yet, it's all right, you like your men with a bit of a challenge.

You know you should focus on whatever the reason why you were called by Lyla. Miguel never calls for you unless he is in a pinch. In fact, he called for everyone so it must have been an emergency. You kinda envy Lyla because she probably asked Miguel to say the word, "please" and teased him for it when he did admit he needed help. Maybe you should ask if she recorded it?

Well, the most important thing was, you're finally close to him again! It has been a while since you were allowed to be near him. When was it? Who cares really. He’s hotter now though. The temptation to climb him is back again. Well, the idea never left you in the first place.

—--

“You are staring way too much, girl." A static voice suddenly appeared near your left ear and you couldn't help the sigh of longing you have been holding out for quite some time.

"I know right? I'll do everything just to touch it. But we both know he will throw me away if I do something drastic again. Just like last time." You blinked and pouted as you watched how the fat muscle of his ass moved so hypnotizingly.

"Yeah true. I still wonder how you liked the guy though. His attitude is way less charming now compared to before." You two sighed in agreement.

"'Can you two, please stop talking about my behind when I'm literally just in front of the two of you?" He grumbled in annoyance as he showed his fangs in your direction.

"Can you say "Please" one more time, honey?" You gave him your best spidey puppy eyes. If he’s trying to intimidate you, well, it is working. Obviously, not the way he intended to.

All he replied was a disgusted, frustrated groan and marched away while dragging Pavitr. Probably to talk somewhere you can't look freely on his package.

How selfish, Mr. O’Hara.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wonder if Miguel will agree to princess carry you if you pay him a hundred bucks? Paying more is an option too. You’re not that stingy.

Maybe you should try asking him about it. Later? Tonight? Or probably after the mission?

Little did you know, Miguel has been calling your name while you were inside your head thinking of many ways you can make Miguel agree with your requests.

Your brows furrowed, eyes looking from afar. The spiderman with fangs can’t help but facepalm.

He can’t help but think that maybe it was wrong of him to request your assistance for this mission.

However, even though you were weird. And way into him, especially, his back and his ass. You worked way better than the other spiderman and spiderwoman. He used to hate you for being lazy and way too lax.

Yet, your method of working is 100% effective and easier than how he does his stuffs.

He has no choice but to do it.

He walked towards you until he was standing in front, less inches than he usually allows you to. He coughed to get your attention one last time, but you were way preoccupied and busy with whatever was inside your head.

He breathed in and with full strength held your shoulders and shook you. A normal person would probably die. However, doing it this way was the only effective way he knew to wake you up from your fantasies.

You screamed in terror and he was obligated to stop when you punched his hands holding your shoulder.

He was worried that he might have overdone it and he scared you. He just needed your attention and not scared you to death.

But little did he know that you screamed not because of terror but of surprise.

Miguel is in mere inches in front of you, holding your shoulders. You can practically smell his rich smell.

You are such a lucky girl.

Maybe he shook you way too hard but the only word you blurted out after a pregnant pause was……

“You are so fucking hot.” You uttered without blinking.

The collective of spider people sighed in relief. They were also worried that Miguel had made you stupid after that shake but you seem back to normal and functioning quite well.

“Gwen, you’ll go with me.” He grumbled and jumped without further ado.

Gwen was confused for a second but followed suit.

“Hey wait! Did you ask me to go with you!? HEY!” You followed closely behind them but failed when the entrance closed just after they jumped.

“Oh girlie, sometimes you gotta get out of your head when the prize is literally mere inches of you.”

Jessica shook her head and said those words with a grin. You were left flabbergasted when you realized you soiled your chance to work closely with Miguel because you daydream way too much.

[fraux140]

Some König Headcanons and Hottakes

So I want to preface this by saying no hate to anyone. These are just some opinions that I think some people might disagree with which is totally fine. This is also a little bit of me pointing out some of his flaws. I love him though.

He is not a shy little uwu boy who would have a panic attack if a cutie looked at him a certain way. If he was so prone to panic attacks and his anxiety was that crippling then he wouldn't have been in the special forces and he wouldn't be in a PMC - which are highly selective.

Personally I don't fully believe that he was a colonel. The only hint we have gotten of that is a one of the 'Bad Brothers' loading screens which just says 'Colonel König' with no more context. Colonels aren't really active on the battle field and it is very unlikely you would see one in action. Officers ranked that highly are seen as too valuable to be 'wasted' in infantry combat.

Continuing from my last point, even a lot of majors and Lt Colonels aren't battle prone. Considering he would have had to have passed through those ranks to become a colonel means that he would have spent a lot of time behind a desk and commanding teams such as platoons and battalions. We don't know enough about him to say that he isn't a good leader, after all he is simply an operator with a few paragraphs of text as a background. However, his voice lines and little text we do get about him tells us he is not one to enjoy standing by and having others fight on his command. He would MUCH rather be in the brawl.

And I know that Alejandro is a colonel and very active duty, however we can assume that this is largely due to his ambition and personal attachment to his home, which he wants to protect from the cartel. I'm not saying a colonel doesn't fight, but it is exceedingly rare.

My last anti-colonel theory point - why would a colonel wear such DIY gear? I just want to say if you hc him as a colonel that is absolutely FINE, those are just reasons as to why I don't :/

Moving on, I believe him to be a sore loser. For example, he was deemed unfit to be a sniper, and so he wears a sniper hood and has that voiceline "And they said I couldn't be a sniper". Dress for the job you want, not the job you have ig?

I believe he wants to prove people wrong. Getting rejected as a sniper wounded his ego so A LOT. I hc him to be between 32-37 and if he joined jagkdo/KSK (old bio said he was German and in the KSK, newer ones said Austrian and JagKdo, now there's no mention of sf so idk??) while he was younger, say around 23-26, he's had a lot of time for that wound to heal and yet it hasn't. This man holds hella grudges.

Because of this, I think that a fear of failure might also contribute to his anxiety. If he was asked about being scared to fail he'd smirk and say there was no way. But deep down in his core it eats away at him.

This might also bleed into his social life. He's fearful of relationships and remains single for a long time. He'd rather not ask you out instead of having you reject him for trying. He'd have to REALLY like somebody and also have some reassurance or signs that they liked him out.

Cannot accept accountability for simple mistakes. He knocked your coffee mug over? You shouldn't have left it there. Hit you a little too hard in training? You should be stronger. You should have dodged it. Not his fault you're not as good as him.

Is a show off. If he is obviously better at something then you'll never hear the end of it. Better driver? Better fighter. Yeah, he's bragging about it. Again, his fear of not being good enough rears its ugly head. He deflects it on to those who are weaker - they could never be him.

Damn this was a list of negatives, but I love him in spite of all of his flaws. What kind of list should I make next? I should probably do one with some positive traits lmao.

Anyway, I don't mind at all if anyone disagrees with these this is just how I see him. Maybe one day I'll write a fic where he acknowledges his demons and starts to heal.

[naamahdarling]

Hi. I’m feeling sad too, I think that tends to happen late at night. At least we can be sad together lol

Yeah it's just a 3:00 thing. Literally I call it the "three o'clocksies". One of the best mental health things I've ever done for myself is learning to look at the time, and if it's after 3:00 a.m., I just tell myself I will put those feelings away until the next day, and I can feel them then if I have to. It doesn't work every time, but it works about 70% of the time, which is a lot better than the maybe 15 or 20% of the time I managed to deal with it by just powering through. Big fan.

Learning to approach strong negative emotions not arising directly from a currently unfolding crisis as temporary, and strong positive emotions as gifts and memories that I will get to have later has been really helpful. "All things pass" can be barbed, because that means good stuff too will pass. But that's just the nature of things, and we have a lot more control over what memories and feelings we keep with us than we think we do.

That is part of why I try so hard to find goodness when badness is around me. Because it really does make bad things easier to bear. I don't mean like spinning bad things into good things, or saying that bad things happen for a reason, I just mean things like moments of common kindness between strangers (which are actually a thing we can create ourselves instead of waiting to have happen to us or to observe), or a beautiful sunset the day you break your ankle, or the very very small child in the corner at urgent care who won't stop talking very articulately and at great length about how much he fuckin' loves chicken nuggets, or the person who took one look at me and didn't charge me anything at the gas station the night we lost Raleigh, no questions asked.

These moments aren't actually insignificant. They're the fabric of our lives, and by observing them even in the bad moments, we prepare ourselves to see them the rest of the time, it makes things easier. It's like putting flowers in a hospital room inside your mind. I may feel like dying, but somebody brought a miniature goat named Tom Brady to PetSmart with them and I got to pet him.

I'm not full of shit here, I have really been through it this past year. It really is worth it to struggle to look and see ordinary life around you as full of small surprises and little kindnesses. It isn't about some kind of bullshit healing through positivity thing (I think "positivity" as it is pushed at us is toxic bullshit) it's not going to cure your mental illness or whatever, it isn't going to take you out of the terrible circumstances fucking you over, it isn't going to undo your trauma, it's just seeing all the small good things that are easy to overlook, and realizing that some days, seeing the small good things really can be enough. That isn't pathetic or bleak, that isn't trying to fill your belly with nothing but crumbs and telling yourself you're lucky, it's just an underlying kind of warmth that it would be really unfortunate to not look for and allow yourself to feel.

It's a way of inhabiting life deliberately, and not just suffering through it. And it's taking me years to develop, and no, I can't always hold on to it, it isn't something that you can be successful at 100% of the time. But man, things got a lot better for me when I started taking pictures of the sky almost every time I go outside, and admiring strangers' questionable fashion choices, and wondering about things like what kind of person would buy this puzzle featuring a John Deere tractor, and enjoying small brown birds having a dust bath next to the drive-thru at Sonic, or taking pictures of interesting graffiti, or noticing the single mirror-spangled drag queen platform high heel on the side of the road, all of that. Things got better for me when I started to really care that I got to see those things.

IDK this got long. But I think...it's all right to be sad, I think sometimes we just have to be even when we aren't sure why. And that can and should coexist with the rest of the world being out there and ready to be seen, even through tears.

[lunarmoves]

Something that has been bothering me since I've read Ch. 3 of Who I See Looking Back At Me is Hallucination-Sebastian. He almost feels malicious? Like he didn't necessarily before, but him being the product of a serious mental illness always painted him in a negative light (you write high functioning depression really well btw, I would know what it feels/looks like oof) but Ch. 3 made him feel almost....bad?

Like obviously yeah he's a HALLUCINATION of yer DEAD HUSBAND but idk man, the vibes were off in this one and he kinda scared me! I'm just really curious what you intend with fake Sebastian...

you're right! in chapter three he does indeed take on a more... well... malevolent aura. threatening, a little. i don't intend on taking the whole hallucination thing further ngl. it's gonna gently fade away in chapter 4. at first i wanted there to be a symbolic kind of interaction with fake sebastian before he disappears, but i think it's more realistic if he just... stops showing up lol. also i LOVE horror and i couldnt resist making him scary LMFAO like... i write fnaf fanfic, i absolutely adore all things spooky pfft. other than that though, my reasoning for turning fake sebastian into a more malicious thing is this:

our dear reader, since learning (mer) sebastian is real, has been grappling with coming to terms with him in his new body. they're trying, they're really trying, but it's difficult when they have been hallucinating him as a human for like, years. he's unfamiliar. he's unnatural. he's cold and he's hard and he smells like fish. it would throw anyone off, i think.

they really do want to accept him as he is, though. and talking to him definitely helps ofc, bc he's the same old sebastian (just a little uh, traumatized). but as a result of this guilt they feel with not being able to accept him yet, their subconscious has turned fake sebastian into this haunting thing. a reminder of what he used to be. a sort of symbol that they still have yet to truly accept him in his new body. the reader sees him and knows that they have much to sort through mentally with regards to real sebastian.

it's a slow process, but! it has been happening in fic and will get wrapped up neatly in the next chapter c:

[blamemma]

i love reading your posts cause i feel you're the same kind of delulu as me

honestly i cant accept this is the end, i cant find closure this way, daniel will move on eventually but what about me???? im past sadness and anger right now cause im just numb yk? i keep hoping somebody will come out and say SIKE, he will be back next year like somehow palpatine has returned

idk, sorry for rambling in your box but this will take me a long long time to come to terms with, i dont care how parasocial it is

i've looked upon the whole year with hopes dreams and delulus. you can take the man out the car, but u can't take the woman out of her brain.

people laugh, people mock. but i truly don't think this will be over for me for a little while. i think cota will....really really really hurt. i sit in this limbo period now where.....i'm not consuming f1, so it feels like all the drivers, daniel is just on a break now, but when we reach the track, and he's not there.....it's going to hurt.....a lot. and for now. being a lil delulu. not jumping to the worst conclusions about every little thing....it keeps me a little bit sane for a while. yeah some things i do have a negative outlook on (enchante pop up x) (don't worry i saw all ur indirects x) but for now. it's not over till it's over for me. and it is over. but maybe. it's not. x

[suffarustuffaru]

Scrolling through your blog is such a fun experience, you bring an absolutely great vibe to this fandom and I love it SO MUCH. Could even say you restored my hope in it, since there has been some aspects that made me force myself to leave it, and I hope me bringing one of them up here won't upset anyone.

Now I completely understand if you wish to not answer my ask, but I figured it's worth a shot. So, one of said aspects was a controversy regarding one of the rezero characters that made me feel like you can't mention them without being called names (mostly on tiktok, but other social media also, tho not as much).

Yeah I'm talking about Felix. I'm not transphobic by any means, and I'm fine with people headcannoning whatever they want, but seeing thousands of people calling others transphobic for calling Felix a 'he' made me so unsafe I forced myself to look for other interest. Which is funny since most of the people saying this weren't even part of the fandom. I was wondering if anyone else here had similar situations and just.. how do you deal with it? It seems silly, I know, but feeling like I can't speak about a rather important character from a media I love made me so upset.

No matter how much I tried explaining it, they either dismiss it or say Tappei made him a trans girl without knowing.

Now, if you do decide to answer this and say that Felix indeed may have been 'trans coded' a little bit (Did I used that term correcly? Idk) I'll understand (hell, I would probably agree, you character analysis are great), I'm just upset at the absolute lack of respect for any other way of referring to Felix other then she/her.

(Also in case people don't know, their proof of Felix being a trans girl is the scene from EX1, with the whole calling himself a girl in front of a mirror thing)

Sorry for this is being long and probably messy I just had to get this off my chest.. also I hope I didn't came of as offensive in any way, if I did I'm really sorry.

hi there anon! first of all - aw thank you for your compliments about me and my blog. im super passionate about rezero (though thats probably super clear to anyone whos seen any content i make for a while aljsdlkf) and well. ive been lurking about in this fandom since summer 2020 so i definitely understand having to leave/distance yourself from this fandom because outside of tumblr, the rezero fandom is kind of . well. to put it simply, theres a lot of metaphorical landmines unfortunately!! T^T and admittedly i wouldve left this fandom a lot sooner if i didnt stick to my own corner and curate spaces with other people who were super chill (like lots of people lurking about here on tumblr + rz tumblr in general!!). so i totally understand how you feel anon (and youre not silly for being upset, i promise!), though admittedly im not super super familiar with some rezero spaces (such as rz twitter) bc i 1. dont speak japanese and 2. i try very hard to avoid the negativity whenever possible!! T^T

and also i apologize for taking a while to answer your ask!! you're one of my older asks that kinda got lost in my drafts hah but i also just wanted to like. take extra care with your ask bc its a super important topic. like not just to me (though its definitely important to me) but its important in general. and i really like felix so. <3

a quick disclaimer is that i myself am not transfem. i am however afab and most likely genderqueer!! (im winging it as i go hah.) felix is also not a character id say im as well-versed in yet, but i do like felix a lot and ex1 changed my entire brain chemistry. and ill also be defaulting to he/him pronouns in this post because thats what he uses in canon.

felix is - at the end of the day - a fictional character, and tappei is a cis man who doesnt Entirely write characters like felix through a queer lens. arguably tappei is Self-Aware when he writes characters who are into other characters of the same sex (though the Representation is arguably a little bit questionable at times depending on how you look at it), but when it comes to characters like felix or subaru who have some Gender Stuff going on, it's more nebulous there. i dont know if tappei 100% realizes he's made characters that could be read as Trans/Genderqueer (emphasis on "read as", because i support different interpretations of these characters), but tappei Definitely Is Very Aware that gender and gender presentation and gender roles are super important when it comes to characters like felix, subaru, and crusch.

i think tappeis own perceptions of gender and gender roles do bleed a bit into the text as much as tappei is pretty purposeful with themes surrounding gender in rezero, but rezero itself still has all sorts of identity issues to explore with a lot of its characters and gender is a big part of that!!

so first and foremost im gonna be examining felix the best i can Purely Off Of The Canon Text, though i do like viewing rezero from a queer lens myself (and it is arguably very queer). im gonna talk first about felix and then ill move onto talking about my personal feelings on rezero fandom stuff :o !!

so felix's relationship with his gender is complicated and he Absolutely does not fit into traditional gender roles or gender presentation right now. these are undeniable. and if people headcanon felix as transfem thats totally understandable and valid!! but to say a headcanon is 100% canon and that other interpretations of a character as complex as felix are invalid isnt exactly it. for sure. i mean i myself interpret him as nonbinary haah. but felix's relationship with gender is so so so So complicated that i dont think you could just say hes transfem and then Not Elaborate More.

but regardless of how Exactly you label felix, i think you could possibly say that hes trans coded. tappei, even if he probably doesnt entirely know hes made pretty genderqueer characters, is Aware and Purposeful of how gender affects felix and his perception of himself and his identity and other peoples perception of him and this is brought up Over and Over Again in canon—felix’s gender identity, at the moment, aligns more with femininity in his presentation in every way, though he still perceives himself as masculine. felix’s case is complicated, and while im not entirely sure on this i think you could argue that hes trans coded—“coding” suggests a level of intent when making these characters, and i think that intent is present in some way with tappei. because tappei Knows just how important gender is with felix’s character and you can tell with how often and how Integral it is to felix’s entire character.

(more under the cut) (i do have a habit of being rambley/wordy sometimes if. if you couldnt tell already. but i hope this response is up to your standards!!)

these three analysis posts on felix's relationship with gender have all discussed this topic in-depth before i have, and i 1. really like the rezero content i see from all three of these people and 2. they All have slightly different takes based on the canon we have but also some similar points. because felix is complicated!! of course our takes are probably gonna be a bit different - he's a multifaceted character with such a complex relationship with his gender that it's hard to tell what every single one of his personal feelings on it is (especially when at the moment he hasnt appeared in the main story since arc 5 and he still has a Lot of character development to do). and of course fiction is fiction, we can all take away any sort of meaning from a story like this.

but you know. this is my post so im gonna try to analyze felix right now and say my two cents on what i think of his relationship with gender.

so im gonna try not to retread too much on what liquidstar, sufferu, and gourmet of gluttony have already said about felix (and i think theyre all very smart people with interesting analysis posts and theyve all explained their thoughts pretty well) and instead add on with my own thoughts - theres this felix excerpt from arc 4 wn that i think about sometimes. im gonna put it down here!!

and also important to note—like other people have mentioned, crusch and felix made a “deal” of sorts in the past where crusch takes on felix’s masculinity and felix takes on crusch’s femininity. and also like other people have said—and i myself have said in the past—i do have some mixed feelings on this wkdndn and as i said before also i do wish tappeis feelings on gender bled a little less when theyre Not Integral To The Story. bc i dont think tappei 100% knows hes made trans coded characters, but. anyway yeah so thats the whole deal with crusch felix. and in its own right i think it has So Many Interesting Implications!!

i think when it comes down to it, gender presentation IS a bit of a performance, isn't it? like i love to wear dressses and skirts and i love to keep my hair short and wear suits, but you know - these sorts of things tend to be gendered. our gender is often perceived through how we present ourselves, but in recent years gender roles being attached to clothing has gotten a bit less Rigid. but these rigid roles associated with presentation are even more dialed up to Eleven in a medieval world like the rezero fantasy world. and i dont use the word "performance" in a negative way -

what i mean is that when it comes to felix's character, does felix think he's a boy because that's what he's been told? does he think he's a boy because he TRULY sees himself that way, or does he THINK he has to see himself as one? does felix try to present and perform femininity, ie as or like a traditionally feminine girl, purely ONLY for crusch's sake, or is it because felix ALSO WANTS to? what does felix think of gender outside of crusch? who is felix outside of crusch? who is felix outside of tying his entire personality to other people? does felix’s femininity show the “radiance of ferris’ soul” bc of the deal he made with crusch or bc this truly is felix’s soul? these are like the big questions behind his entire character and character arc that would determine in the end how felix identifies in both his gender and In General.

so what is felix's identity at the moment? bc right now, felix is stuck between his feminine self, tied to crusch, a symbol of crusch, tied to his own reliance on crusch and worship of her—and his masculine self, someone broken off from crusch. felix is tied to crusch right now to worrying extents with his obsessive devotion to the point of changing himself to mold into her image, and beyond that, hes still tied to guilt surrounding fourier’s death. gourmet of gluttony puts all of this way way more intelligently than i ever could, but at the end of the day, i think the best narrative decision here would be for felix to accept himself in ALL of his entirety.

healing in rezero is noted to be a kind power, specifically by fourier and fourier saying this right to felix when hes the most talented healer in lugunica, and healing itself is often stereotypically feminine activity. knighthood is stereotypically masculine, and on top of all this, we see in ex1 that biehn argyle twists the power of healing into something grotesque—trying to bring back the dead and revive what cant be revived, which is once again another reoccurring theme in rezero.

how far can “from zero” go? what HAS to stay dead and what can be revived? who is allowed to live? HOW do you live freely? felix is someone born from a horribly abusive and neglectful family who twisted healing magic’s kindness into cruelty, felix is someone who was taken into a family that showed him kindness and now hes desperate to pay them back with everything he has and everything he is, felix is a healer who lashes out when hes cornered and a healer who treasures life and a knight who cant physically fight like the others, felix is someone stuck with the horrible knowledge that he cant save everyone—that some things just Couldnt end better no matter how much he wished for it to.

felix is stuck between all kinds of worlds, and in terms of gender, hes quite literally still stuck between boyhood and manhood in the biological sense—hes purposefully made it so that he hasnt hit puberty yet so he can better pass as feminine. he hasnt Physically Grown past puberty—which is the mark of becoming an adult. and he hates himself in a number of ways, but he also hates himself for failing to be traditionally masculine. his abusive family stole ten years of his life and the torture left him physically weaker, so he cant be strong physically, which is something associated with traditional masculinity. felix is the best healer, a traditionally feminine job and skill, but he cant save everyone. felix becomes more feminine as part of his deal with crusch, but while crusch accepts her femininity and masculinity readily, and while crusch’s memory is erased by gluttony—felix is left behind, alone, still holding onto femininity while not entirely being able to hold onto it while he also cant entirely hold onto the traditional masculinity he expects out of himself. and with arc 3 on, felix feels hes failed both fourier and crusch. the two most important male and female figures in his life.

felix is basically stuck in this liminal space where hes not Enough for himself in literally every direction, and the only way out is to accept every part of himself and move forward by trying to define who he is without other people—his birth family and his found family dont define him. they can shape him, sure, but he has to stop shaping himself to meet them and figure out how to let himself just. Be. and take up a space thats firmly his. from a queer lens, this kind of thing is pretty queer—because to stop being in between worlds, you have to accept everything instead of splitting yourself into halves over and over again. killing or maiming yourself or parts of yourself is no way to live, and felix is Life itself.

and i think regardless of the Exact Labels you could give felix, i think his arc—which is perfectly in line with all of rezeros themes—is inherently about self acceptance and the bridging of the gap and combination of femininity and masculinity. felix is both and identifies, in one way or another, with both, similar to how he loves someone who identifies with both (crusch) and just as hes loved her and fourier. imo it wouldnt be right for felix to choose one or the other in terms of feminine vs masculine—he needs to be the one learning and navigating his honest feelings on both sides bc i think he Yearns to be both. hes a boy who dresses like a girl and its up to him to know if he wants to be a man and/or a woman due to his own internal desire or if parts of that is Only due to external pressures.

--

and alright now that ive said all my thoughts on felix atm im gonna address the other questions you had in your ask!! note that this is just my opinions and thoughts regarding my own experience in the english fandom, you dont have to agree or anything 👍

but i AM very sorry about your negative experiences in this fandom. T^T people calling other transphobic for using he/him for felix (and also people being transphobic about characters like felix or subaru/natsumi in general) is something ive seen as well. the rezero fandom is sadly very often toxic and Bigoted in a lot of ways (with the exception of rezero tumblr and certain segments of rezero ao3, from what ive seen), which is Ironic for a story thats so clearly about love and self-acceptance, which is also ironic because arguably tappei and otsuka and the rezero marketing team (i Love the female characters in rezero but theres just so much sexualized or vaguely sexist merch/moments that dont add to the story, you know? kind of just. misses the point of their characters sometimes.) sort of contribute to it a little bit as much as tappei does do some really great things with his writing.

rezero is the first fandom ive been active in but its definitely not the first ive ever been in, and ive been in some insane fandoms before. like i said earlier though, i think i just cope by curating my experience to what i like, yknow? liking posts i enjoy, looking at stuff i enjoy, etc :O !! fandom is a hobby so i try not to look at negative stuff when i can help it wkdnd. which im sure youre aware about already but i always have to keep reminding myself of this bc places like rezero reddit or twitter get pretty rough!! but its really helped me just following artists and creators i like, enjoying their content, chatting with cool people i vibe with, rezero tumblr being the chillest rezero space in the whole fandom, and its also helped me a lot making rezero content of my own—like this whole blog!! its really shocked me how much people seem to value my thoughts enough to ask me things frequently but i appreciate it pfft. and i hope you guys like reading my posts!!

but yeah like. curate, curate, curate. it helps a LOT and it gets me excited to experience rezero not only by myself you know? not that i didnt have fun by myself but its its own level of fun finally finding spaces to have fun with others!! and i LOVE finding beautiful fanart!! chef’s kiss. and trying to be the change i want to see is satisfying on its own :,) i want to post random shit about rezero, so i post it. i want to make fanart for fun and share it. i want to brute force people into loving otto more so i ottopost (dont worry, i still hate him bc true otto fans also hate him at the same time <3 /lh). i want more queer rezero content so i try to make some more!! brings more personal power i think and its very fun!! and it helps with lessening the quiet despair of fandom toxicity ;-;; (which is something ive done many times and will continue to do sometimes so i feel your pain 🫂) and i promise theres cool people in the fandom 👍 i may reply late to asks or dms but im ALWAYS down to talk about rezero things its so fun 👍👍

and its really really hard sometimes to deal with fandom toxicity especially if its forcefully knocking at your door—definitely dont force yourself to stay or look at things if you cant, bc thats totally understandable!! and i myself have been harassed a little in the past. but definitely having some sort of coping—the block button, backing out of things you dont agree with or like, lots and lots of curating, etc—helps me a lot. and i think mental health wise i feel much better trying to look on the bright side of things!! its MY hobby goddammit!! ill fight people subaru-style if they try to poison it!! and however long anyone reading this decides to spend with rezero and rezero tumblr—you are welcome here 👍

but yes my very Long rambling aside - i hope this post somewhat helped you!! felix is a very important character that i like very much and need to learn more about and i have Many Feelings on the english side of this fandom, but im very grateful to all the cool people ive met over the years here for sure!! :o

also ill probably post the finished version soon but if youve read this far here is a sneak peak of felix art i did recently (just as a reward for once again reading all of my Endless Yapping)👍👍

[this-is-fox-speaking]

ok so. here's my thoughts on how things went for memory recollection.

Sissel remembered the moment they got into their past body. Something about Temsik fragment fuckery, I dunno. That's my only excuse. Merging memories or being hit with memories probably isn't as soul punching when you're literally a little kitty cat. They've been very sworn to their duty to love their families so so much!

Yomiel remembers a little bit after the timelines reset. Like, these memories probably get him for a while as some sort of familiar feeling similar to deja vu, but it actually just hit when he started painting in jail. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what was going on or why he painted that figures he knew he hadn't seen before, and- "Oh fuck, wait. That's right. I KNOW THEM." Kinda like a Jowd situation but.. reversed?

It takes a few months or maybe a couple years for Jowd to remember. He gets freaked out when he realizes he knew exactly what his daughter was going to look like, and- then he's immediately hit with it. Yeah, him and Yomiel probably had a few good talks over some of those prison days. He doesn't tell Alma or anything. Even though he feels bad about it, he knows it wouldn't really be the best thing to tell your wife that.. all of that happened. Unless you wanna look like a crazy person. Again.

Cabanela has his own few deja vu moments when he meets the other for the first time after the park incident, like the Pigeon Man or Lynne. I'd like to think he actually remembers a little before Jowd does, since he was literally also possessed by good ol Manipulator over here, and was so obsessed with figuring him out. He doesn't bring it up at first, until Jowd brings it up, then he just casually admits he's been- almost literally- dancing around the topic until the right time. Idk if this is very in character, lemme know. I've only watched through this game a total of once because it's.. really long. And I just recently finished it.

Lynne remembers over time, but it's specifically whenever she sees Yomiel's face. He's familiar, yet she can't place why, and it's not just from the park.. and when she finally gets hit with the memories once shes older, she kinda goes through some stages before going back to regular old, hyperactive lynne, towards Yomiel. He has the face but not the same personality of who she's used to, but.. she knows he's changed. And we know Lynne is.. quite the character! Not negative, just. I dunno how to explain her! Yomiel is her bestie against his will. This is not a choice.

Kamila doesn't remember any of it. It only comes to her in short visions- aka, "nightmares". I imagine as she gets older, it's possible she might remember these memories more clearly/solidly, or she'll ask Jowd and them, and they sigh and begrudgingly admit what really happened. Kinda up to interpretation, truly! It's fun to think about, either direction.

I think it'd be bittersweet if Missile sometimes had small dreams of being a lamp in the city's trash. Or simply being an odd ghostly figure. Or just being his own, lively doggy self, digging about the trash, yet being ignored by all the humans that come by. Sissel doesn't have the heart to tell him the truth. It's bittersweet because even though it means Missile has to remember this sad life of his old self, it still means Ray lives on, even if it's just a little bit. Probably a similar situation as Kamila, where he'll remember once he's much, much older. Past his dog years.

I feel like Pigeon Man would remember but just. Not give a fuck. He rambles about it to Lovey Dove sometimes, when he's bored, but that's about it. He doesn't care. He's got more important studies to worry about.

The Minister... I'm not really sure. I don't wanna have him remember or else he'll be all sad and mopey again. I'm gonna let him be happy with his family.

As for all the other characters- park protector, Minister's wife, his daughter, etc- they all have faint feelings of it. A small bit of deja vu every year or two, but it's nothing huge at all. They never really dwell on it.

[dmercer91]

ebug's sister, dm91

part one / part two /part three / part four / part five / part six /

blakefriarr_

liked by dawson1417, lhughes_06, and 6,213 others

blakefriarr_: my brothers an ebug, episode five!

i think ni saw me in the stands before the game started, cause he didn’t ONCE look in my direction and i had to scavenge the broadcast after the game to find an image of him under duress. it’s cute that you thought i wouldn’t find a way, though, worlds sluttiest captain™️

i added a photo of jack to this one since i flat out refused to add him to mine and quinnys groupchat, so we settled on this. for those of you this may negatively affect, i promise it’s a one time thing <3

the next two are both of dawson, since 1. he got a goal!! but second and most importantly, he’s got such a pretty smile and i think it needed to be broadcasted to all of you lovely people seeing this

then we have a goalie hug! i would like to point out that in the five games i’ve seen this season, they’ve won every time i was there. i’m the good luck charm. not even maybe. i am telling you it’s me

last, cause i want to rub it in jj’s face that i have a sweet, attentive guy that he doesn’t know the name of, is a message from my boy!! (he still hasn’t asked me to be his girl, so he’s not TECHNICALLY my boy, but shhhh we’ll ignore it)

view 607 comments..

jj.friar31: does this guy of yours know about your strange love for dawson mercer

→ blakefriarr_: i would say he's aware

lhughes_06: I RANK HIGHER THAN JACK!?!?!?

→ blakefriarr_: unfortunately you are very adoptable

→ lhughes_06: you're like eight months older than me

→ blakefriarr_: ok?

_quinnhughes: hey guy who won't be named where jj can see, if you're reading this, please ask her out before i go crazy

→ blakefriarr_: you said i could talk to you anytime :(

→ _quinnhughes: of course you can, sweetheart. that doesn't mean i wont go nuts

→ blakefriarr_: awh huggy you're willing to go nuts for me?

→ _quinnhughes: unfortunately i'm not immune to whatever it is you have going on in that head of yours

jesperbratt: i can't believe you just called nico a slut

→ blakefriarr_: believe it, bratter.

nicohischier: ... sluttiest?

→ blakefriarr_: what other word can be used to describe what it is when you flip your hair around with a bloody mouth and call people fucking pussies

→ nicohischier: i was hoping those clips would stay off your radar

→ blakefriarr_: that's impossible i see everything

adamfantilli: wasn't expecting him to be such a softy

→ lhughes_06: now what is this supposed to mean

→ blakefriarr_: rookie how did you manage it's been literally three days

→ lhughes_06: IS HE IN THE GROUPCHAT?????? BLAKE??

→ blakefriarr_: don't be so dramatic moose

→ lhughes_06: quinn?? what do you have to say for yourself?

→ _quinnhughes: she asked very nicely idk what you wanted me to do

→ blakefriarr_: 'i'm adding adam fuckface' 'cool lmao' there was no resistance and by definition i don't think i was being nice

→ _quinnhughes: why do i put up with this

→ adamfantilli: i feel so honoured you didn't even ask properly

→ blakefriarr_: whatever. love u, rookie

→ adamfantilli: love u, coach

→ lhughes_06: i'm killing you both and not in your sleep you deserve to know it was me

→ blakefriarr_: well now you can do it in our sleeps cause you just.. told us? that it would be you?

dougieham: i would like to formally apologize for my comment on your most recent post. i was out of line and i should not have spilled very highly classified of information about the groupchat. i hope my apology finds you well.

→ blakefriarr_: you're forgiven, but you're on probation

→ dougieham: quinn is that good enough

→ _quinnhughes: probably idk

dawson1417: i have a pretty smile? blushing

→ blakefriarr_: you're welcome, loser <3

→ dawson1417: that guy of yours ask you out yet?

→ blakefriarr_: he has.

→ dawson1417: yeah?

→ blakefriarr_: only to an event, though. hoping he'll man up n kiss me

→ dawson1417: best of luck, then <3

jackhughes: least favourite?? what did i do to deserve this

→ blakefriarr_: you are just incredibly underwhelming i'm sorry. be glad you got your picture in the post that is ALL i agreed to.

→ jackhughes: and quinn isn't??

→ blakefriarr_: do not diss quinn i will take your head of and put it over my fireplace

jj.friar31: ok so from what i'm compiling here i think it's either quinn or.. adam fantilli????? somehow?? when did that even happen how do you keep pulling this off

→ blakefriarr_: ok first of all if you think i would ever allow someone i'm romantically involved with to call me coach you need a lobotomy

→ blakefriarr_: second of all you are so dumb it's actually become fascinating. NEITHER OF THOSE PEOPLE LIVE IN JERSEY?? you think quinn hughes found the time in his nhl player schedule to fly down here and bring me home from work?

→ jj.friar31: oh right

→ jj.friar31: ignore me i've compiled nothing.

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[elfenphoenix]

Honest review of Dragon Age: the Veilguard so far

Positive: I like the map layouts, the exploration mechanics, and oh my GOD do I love the hair graphics. I'm still getting used to the equipment upgrade system, but I think I'll figure it out with time.

I haven't met all of the cast yet (outside of reading Tevinter Nights and listening to Vows and Vengeance), but so far they're pretty interesting! So far the least engaging has been Neve, but I think that's just because she hasn't shown very much strong personality yet? Which might BE her personality, but I'll see.

Negatives: i don't like the redesign of the darkspawn. They look like cartoons, now. Part of what made them so creepy/interesting was how they looked very much like twisted versions of the races that each variety came from, but that's all kind of gotten lost in the weeds, i think. They just look like generic beasties now. Like something fortnite would put out for a Halloween skin.

I'm tentative about the world state. I don't like that apparently my Inquisitor's love interest is more important to the narrative somehow than... idk drinking from the Well of Sorrows? And lore-wise i am uncomfortable with the retcon that the elves apparently just... all recognize that their gods are evil? Like that was a HUGE revelation in Inquisition so it feels kind of... dismissive? That everyone is just like "oh yeah the elven gods are EVIL we all KNOW it'd be TERRIBLE for them to return.

And now (true rant under the cut):

I hate the combat. I HATE the combat system. It doesn't feel different at all to play as a warrior versus a mage versus a rogue. The abilities all have different names and different animations, but functionally what you are capable of is the same. Which i don't like. The whole point of having different classes is to accommodate different playstyles, isn't it? I like to play as a warrior because I DO NOT LIKE FAST-PACED BUTTON COMBINATIONS. I like to play as a simple meat shield, cutting through enemies or taking the hits. And with every single other Dragon Age game, that was fine. But with the current mechanics, it doesn't fucking matter. Can't just use a shield--enemies have attacks that you HAVE to dodge. So there's combos for blocking and attacking, plus there's the stagger bar, plus the little aura that shows up when you're about to get hit, which you have to watch carefully becaus if it's YELLOW then you want to block but if it's RED then you MUST dodge... ALL THE WHILE your health bar is on the BOTTOM LEFT corner of the screen, nearly impossible to keep track of while you're ALSO keeping track of all that I've already mentioned. There is so much going on on screen at all times that by the time I remember what buttons to push I've already lost half my health or more. In many ways, the combat reminds me a lot of the Spider-man game, which is a very great game! Which I can't play. But what makes it a good game nonetheless is that it makes sense? Like, you're Spiderman, of course the gameplay is going to be fast-paced and reflex-based. If you don't like that, then play a different game. But what I always liked about combat in Dragon Age up until now is that it WASN'T like that, provided you chose a class that worked for you. It WAS the game i played because I'm not cut out for Spiderman. It still posed plenty of challenge without getting my fingers twisted in knots. And I know people will say "well hey if you don't like it then just turn down the difficulty!" But that's missing the point. If I wanted to play a fast-paced button combo game, I'd play something from Fromsoft. But I don't. Why? Because I'm not good at them. Which is why I play Dragon Age. I got to play an amazing fantasy RPG without feeling like i needed to "get good" just to enjoy the game. It's just... so incredibly frustrating to me that they took one of my favorite things about the franchise and just... destroyed it.

That's not to say that I don't understand the desire to make a different game than what came before. Inquisition had its issues, da2 had its issues, origins had its issues... and it makes sense to want to make changes and improvements, but this...

My friend told me that she thinks the changes are to make it more similar to Mass Effect. I can neither confirm nor deny, but I don't want to play Mass Effect! I want to play Dragon Age.

...anyway. tl;Dr I hate the new combat system and I wish bioware/EA didn't feel it was necessary. Not everyone wants every game to be complex button-combos.

[marcelinesghost13]

Hi Blog,

So a lot of things have happened in the last couple days. So I figure this would be a good time to get this she shit out of my head.

Let's start off with wife okay... So she is doing her normal negative hot and cold BS like always when she text me.. but today she asked me to give her a call. So I called her and asked wants up. She said that her lawyer called her and told her that the cop she filed a report with Putin a false report to get her in trouble. That's why the DA is going after my wife and the doing have and real evidence to charge her with anything. So here's the kicker she wants me to give her $1000 for the lawyer can try the case for her. I told her I'll figure out away to get her the money. She needs a good lawyer that way he can turn around and sue the city for lying about what happened.

So there's a person I've been talking to on one of my social media accounts. They are very nice and kind to me. Plus I'm actually attracted to them... Which I wasn't expecting. I really do like talking to them a lot about different things. Then also make me laugh a lot. The part that sucks is IDK if I'm ready for new relationship now. Yet there's something that pulls me to them and I understand why. I keep telling myself it's best I'm alone right now for I can figure out me. Then again it could be my hormones just being crazy and fucking with me. Well in any case I feel so hot for them it drives me crazy sometimes. I totally understand and know we'll never be together ever and over time they will just fade away maybe.

Okay as for other stuff going on... Couple days ago I showed up at work was full on girl makeup and posted a photo on Tumblr and Facebook. I made a lot of the guys very nervous and uncomfortable. To the point where one of my Sergeants had to talk to me about what was going on. He didn't know I was a trans girl. The needless to say the conversation was a bit awkward for him. But after I explained everything he was okay. Also I got a haircut well more like a trim . I asked a hairstylist to give me something more girl like but she didn't really understand me so all I got was the trim. I can totally feel like the missing hair. I know that sounds silly and crazy but it's totally true. There's days that drives me fucking crazy then there's like two inches missing and I know it. It'll grow back and I'll get used to it I'm just not there yet.

What else happened to me I bought my first sports bra. I'm very proud of myself for doing the research and figuring out what size I am because after all I do have breath..... and I'm not talking about man boobs. My doctor actually did a test to see if they were just like I said man boobs or if they were actual breasts and yeah they really are. She told me that I should have been wearing a bra since puberty. I did not even know that. So I went out and I got me a sports bra. And I actually like it. It feels more natural to me to have something like that on. I like the material I like the feel of it. I like the fact that it holds my girls in place. I've told my Queens about what I did... Some of them want me to start getting like other types of bras but my oldest sister she's like just stick with the sports bra you're just way too active. And I'm going to have to agree with her about that. I did try a couple other bras on which element and I do not like the feel of them. I'm just way too much of a tomboy to wear some of those other types of bras.

Then yesterday I went to the eye doctor and haven't been there in a couple. She years. The eye doctor said that my eyes are actually getting better and that I should start taking a special kind of vitamins to help my eyesight. I told her okay I will definitely do that. After the appointment is over I got some contacts which are so nice and comfortable... I so totally missed having contacts. Also got a pair of very girly cat looking glasses I absolutely love what they look like and once I get them I will be definitely taking a photo.

As far as day goes I get to meet my new counselor for the very first time I am so beyond nervous to meet her. I don't know how it's going to go I don't know which is going to want to talk about I just don't know and I'm so scared. I'm sure everything will be okay and I'm probably totally overthinking. The only thing I hope I don't do is cry. So after that is said and done I will probably write a blog about it.... I definitely know I'll write a blog about it. That would be everything that has happened in the last couple days. I've done so many different first this week. Just one more baby step after another baby step. I know at some point I will eventually get to my goal.

180920240802

[burgersnacksformax]

Scout x reader, high school / college au, helping him study math

(THIS IS SO CLICHE I KNOW BUT BBBUT SCOOTER)

Notes: established relationship, takes place in idk his room ? Your room ? Idc go crazy, sfw

His head spun as you shifted closer to him, all your words going in one ear and out the other. He shifted comfortably? Uncomfortably? In the chair next to you as you leaned close to him, your eyes glued on the paper under his hand.

His pencil shook a little as he did another question with you supervising him.

You pointed at the paper. "You forgot to change the negative sign."

"Oh- uh, yeah." He felt stupid, quickly erasing his writing and redoing it. You watched him try to subtract some big numbers, and he scratched his head as he did so.

"Uh, that looks off. Can you try again?"

"Oh, oops, yeah okay." He tried again, scribbling out his previous answer a little too harshly.

And after all the working, you both compared his answer with the answer sheet, only to be met with two conflicting numbers.

He held his head in his hands and leaned back, letting out a groan. "I'm sorry, toots."

"For what ?" You shook your head and gave him a smile. "You're trying, that's what matters."

Although he seemed to relax a little upon hearing your words, his eyebrows were still furrowed in frustration. "Man I just- I think I ain't cut out for this. I'm more of a -" he made fists and punched the air, "- bam bam, kinda guy, y'know ?" He shook his head and shrugged. "These numbers jus' ain't for someone like me."

"Jeremy." You put your hand on his, and you noticed the way he stiffened as you looked up at him. "I know you. You aren't one to just give up like that." You moved your hand to squeeze his. "I know you're frustrated, but you told me you're not taking this class just for fun."

His shoulders slumped as he looked down to the floor, avoiding looking at the papers in front of you. "Yeah, yeah, 's just.." He sighed. "I dunno, I prolly look real stupid right now. I mean, look at us, you'se over here pourin' ya sweet little heart out to help me, and I ain't even listenin'." He gestured wildly with his hands, looking anywhere but at you. "Like, well- cause-"

You placed a gentle finger over his lips, shushing him without words. He turned to you quickly, staring like a deer in headlights. "You don't look stupid."

"I- huh?"

"Math isn't something people just get right away. We all make mistakes when we're learning." You leaned a little closer to him. "I want you to be patient with yourself and understand that you'll get more comfortable with practice." You gave him a smile. "So don't give up, okay?"

The tension in his face and body seemed to subside, and the corners of his lips curled into a small smile as he leaned forward to press them against your own. He lingered for a few seconds before pulling away, leaving the sugary taste of what you assumed to be some soft drink on your lips. "I dunno what I did to deserve someone as sweet as you, Y/N."

You nudged his shoulder playfully. "Come on, quit talking like you didn't do nothin' for me either."

He pulled you into a hug, and you could hear his heart beating quickly. "Say, uh, maybe if I had somethin' to motivate me, I think then I'd do better. Whaddaya say?"

You hummed in thought. "Motivation like what? Wanna buy a pizza after this or something?"

"Well, no-" he hesitated for a moment, "actually wait yeah a pizza does sound like a good idea- but that ain't what I was gonna say." He grabbed you by the shoulders and pulled you away from him so he could look you in the eyes. "Maybe, if it's alright with ya, could you uhm- well-" his face was heating up, "- cause- baby, you know I miss ya, we don't spend much time together lately cause you've been so busy, so, I wanted to-" he dragged a hand over his face, "- fuck it, I'll just say it. I wanna make out with ya, toots."

A sheepish grin made its way onto your face, before you started chuckling to yourself. "That's it?"

"Huh?"

"You stumbled over your words so much just to say you wanted to make out?"

"Shut up!" He spoke the next words loudly, his cheeks pink. "Yeah, let's make out! I wanna hold'ya close and kiss ya on your cute little lips till neither of us can breathe!" His gaze returned to meet yours. "There, that make you happy?"

Your face matched the shade of his as you hid your face in his chest. "Yeah, I'd love that. Once we get through these questions, let's do that."

He pouted. "Awh, why not now? We've been at it for how long? Thirty minutes? How much longer did ya wanna go?"

"Well-" you had to practice self control. As much as you wanted to kiss him right then and there, you both admittedly didn't make much progress. "Once we get 5 more questions down, let's make out."

And all of a sudden he was back to his usual cocky self, even though he barely just got through two questions earlier. "Five? Pfft, that ain't nothin'! I'mma blow through those questions so fast, your lips won't even know what hit 'em!"