#like yeah the bellarke angst killed me but it was so good

[blakeesgriffin]

HIGHLIGHTS OF 5X09

Clarke Griffin

Zaven being soft and cute

Indra not taking Octavia’s bullshit

Diyoza being a badass bitch 

Murphy willing to go back to save Abby 

Niylah saving Clarke

Clarke slapping Bellamy bc honestly same

Octavia’s still human?? yass

Clarke Fucking Griffin

[historyofshipping]

My massive Bellarke is epic and here’s proof from s5-7 rant.

Ok guys I cannot stress enough that I am drunk, this is long, it has strong language, and it’s a trip. I am putting it almost all under a cut because it is 20 f*ing pages on word.

For reference: this was on a discord chat and I am removing all names and a few other things but there will be absolutely no editing. Anything in straight text is me, anything in italics is someone else (there’s several different someone elses so people are separated by line breaks). On my page I think it appears as everything grey is someone else, everything black is me. I’m going to put the beginning on here and rest under the cut. If you’re still going through with this, I suggest some popcorn.

Guys... I'm trying to stay optimistic but I'm really worried that jroth is gonna make bellarke canon in a really disappointing way. Like for me infidelity is a huge no in ships and I hate that becho has gone on so long that there doesn't seem to be a lot of room left in the canon timeline for a becho breakup/end that doesn't ruin the start of Bellarke for me

WAIT I GOT YOU I CAN CALM YOU I THINK BUT FIRST I NEED TO EAT MY BREADSTICKS

Every moment Echo is on the screen I want to claw my eyes out because she's so boring please jroth let it fucking end, but the feminist in me doesn't want her to die or be disrespected just because she's a callous asshole who doesn't deserve him yknow

Eat your breadsticks babe I've been living with my dread for 2 seasons I can hang on a little longer I just wish the entire becho relationship had never happened it's a blight and it's gone on so long adenfkidsngksdgnksdgn

Kate will say it better than I will, but don't lose hope! Becho hasn't really been together on screen for very long. It's only been like a few weeks to a month since the beginning of S5. They've stretched it out over two seasons, but in canon not much time has passed. And most of that time had Bellamy either sacrificing almost 300 lives to save Clarke, poisoning his sister to save Clarke, or fucking off into the wilderness with Josephine to save Clarke. They've just straight up not had enough time for Bellamy to be like, "Hey Echo, I know I said things wouldn't change but that was before my wife was actually alive, so bye." Though  to wishing Becho had just never happened. We got one good angst scene with Clarke seeing them kiss. But otherwise, I could have very much done without their whole relationship.

they gave me 2 dozen breadsticks. i ordered 6

You've been blessed by the breadstick goddess.

oh sorry i was misinformed. i only have 22. apparently one bag only had 4 OK SO BELLARKE BITCHES AM I GOING TO ANNOYINGLY DO THIS IN CAPS SO BUCKLE TF UP

I mean, I love the idea that they only got together in the sixth year on the ring when Bellamy totally lost hope but is that canon? I thought we had a 3 year range

ALL RIGHT

We ignore canon in this channel. lol They've been together for 3 months.

SO LET'S START AT THE BEGINNING OF BECHO ok caps off. i even annoyed myself

I'm so here for this.

https://tenor.com/view/murder-she-wrote-angela-lansbury-jessica-eats-popcorn-interested-gif-4594942

Damn, I was ready for caps.

OK WE'RE BACK TO CAPS

https://giphy.com/gifs/popcorn-go-on-keep-going-Zd1BUb0qs6nwjeMUBu

OK SO WE HAVE BECHO'S FIRST SCENE TOGETHER ANYONE REMEMBER WHAT BELLAMY SAID? ANYONE? THIS REQUIRES AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION

"Hey work with me so I can break everyone out of this mountain"? or something?

OH DAMN I MEANT WHEN THEY WERE CANONICALLY TOGETHER XP

"I'm a goddamn delight who's trying to save your life you ungrateful walnut so maybe don't spit in my face" is what I would have written

LMFAO OJN THE RING WHAT'S THE FIRST THING WE HEAR FROM THEM? THE FIRST IMPORTANT THING? ANYONE?

Unfortunately that scene was physically repulsive for me so I don't remember much except for "nothing will change on the ground and my sister totally didn't mean to murder you"

AHA! THERE YA GO NOTHING WILL CHANGE ON TEH GROUND BECAUSE WHAT IS HE EXPECTING ON THE GROUND? NOTHING TO CHANGE BECAUSE THE ONLY THING THAT COULD CHANGE IS -----

>"I'm a goddamn delight who's trying to save your life you ungrateful walnut so maybe don't spit in my face" is what I would have written I SPIT OUT MY DRINK I CANNOT

ANYONE? YUP

I'm behind. lol

CLARKE

AND THEN WE GOT TO THE GROUND, WHAT HAPPENED?

BEING ALIVE

His sister having more taste in his romantic partners than him?

WHAT WAS THE LITERAL ONE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN THAT WOULD CHANGE BELLAMY'S MIND DING DING DING CLARKE IS ALIVE

10 points to 

AND WHAT DOES OUR BABY BOY DO?

SACRIFICE 300 PEEPS FOR HIS WIFE

Clarke with a gun AND a kid AND a rover AND bedtime storytelling practice like what more could he want that's all the things he loves

A LITTLE AHEAD BUT BANG

BABY BOY FOLLOWS CLARKS DAUGHTER FIRST, LEAVING ECHO IN THE LITERAL DUST (that's what he does before sacrificing lives)

WE WENT FROM "I WILL NOT TOUCH THESE PEOPLE BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO DO BETTER." TO "I WILL SLAUGHTER 283 PEOPLE WITHOUT RAISING AN EYEBROW" BECAUSE RANDOM CHILD SHOWS UP AND SAYS "CLARKE'S IN TROUBLE" RANDOM CHILD WHO HAS JUST KILLED A BUNCH OF HARDENED CRIMINALS

He had the dad mug tho, he had to help her

HE SAW HIMSELF IN HER HE KNEW

OK

HIS SOUL KNEW

SO WE'RE THERE NOW BUT THEN BANG, WE'RE ON THE GROUND AND OH FUCK I FORGOT I HAD A GIRLFRIEND BUT BELLAMY IS LOYAL SO HE SURE AF ISN'T DOING ANYTHING UNTIL HE'S DONE WITH ECHO BUT

He's had 2 seasons!!!!!

CLARKE BASICALLY ACTS LIKE SHE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE SEPARATION THOU SHALT NOT POKE HOLES IN MY SHIT UNTIL I AM DONE

>He's had 2 seasons!!!!! But only like a few weeks in time.

BECAUSE THESE TWO FUCK HEADS CANNOT HAVE A CONVERSATION

Forgive me!

SO WE HAVE A GRAND TOTAL OF FEWER THAN 3 WEEKS THAT THEY'RE ON THE GROUND AND THEN IN THAT TIME WE HAD.... one sec pPLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO REVIEW THE TIMELINE https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/620425806742749184/season-5-7x03-so-far-timeline FOR SEASON 5 ALL RIGHT SO WE HAVE THEM TOGETHER FOR LESS THAN A WEEK BEFORE BELLAMY'S LIKE (FROM CLARKE'S PERSPECTIVE) "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR KID, I HAVE TO SAVE MY FAMILY" SO THEN WE HAVE THEM SPEND THE NEXT 10 DAYS APART BECAUSE SHE LEFT HIM AFTER SLAPPING HIM AND SHE THOUGHT HE DIED BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING MORONS WHO CAN'T HAVE A CONVERSATION (YOU WILL NOTICE A RECURRING THEME) AND THEN, ECHO HAS LEARNED THAT NOT ONLY HAS CLARKE CARED ABOUT BELLAMY ALL THIS TIME BUT THAT SHE'S ONCE AGAIN READY TO PUT THE FATE OF HUAMNITIY ON THE LINE TO SAVE HIM "GO SAVE HIM. EVEN TAKE MURDER!DAUGHTER WITH YOU" BUT BELLAMY STILL DOESN'T KNOW THIS SO ANYWAY WE HAVE ANGST!BELLAMY GET PARENT TRAPPED BY MURDER!DAUGHTER are y'all still with me? AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED IMMEDIATELY AFTER MURDER!DAUGHTER'S INTERVENTION?

BELLARKE FORGIVENESS ™

YAS NOT ONLY THAT BUT SOFT!BELLARKE RETURNS WITH A VENGEANCE [side note: you can pry this theory from my cold dead hands but there was 100% a canon bellarke scene between forgiveness and 125 year wake up just in case they ended at season 5.]

[I need them to publish that scene when this is all over]

ALL RIGHT SO FUCKING MARPER - WHO SPENT A TOTAL OF LIKE 4 MONTHS WITH CLARKE BUT 6 YEARS WITH THEIR FAMILY- DECIDED TO WAKE UP BELLARKE TO TALK TO AND GIVE GUARDIANSHIP TO AND WHY DID THEY DO THAT?

THEY BEEN KNEW

I'LL ACCEPT IT

OK SO WE GET THIS PROMISING FUTURE TOGETHER ON THIS NEW PLANET RIGHT?

WRONG MURDER POLLEN

OK BUT TECHNICALLY BECHO IS STILL TOGETHER. NO PROBLEM - WE NEED TO FIGURE OUR SHIT OUT AND THEN WE'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO HAVE PEACE AND GET TOGETHER OK SO I'M JUST GOING TO START SAYING "CHORUS" WHEN I MEAN "BECAUSE THESE TWO DUMBASSES CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER" IS CHORUS THE RIGHT WORD? OR IS IT REFRAIN? WHATEVER ONE REPEATS - THAT ONE ALL RIGHT SO WE HAVE THEM GOING INTO THE VILLAGE AND EVERY TIME THERE IS DANGER, BELLAMY GOES IMMEDIATELY TO CLARKE WHEN IT'S PEACEFUL, OPE IT'S BACK TO ECHO

(like the husband he is)

I HAVE A WHOLE META ABOUT THAT IF YOU WANT IT BUT SO THEN THE FIRST TIME - LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE MARPER VIDEO - THAT THEY'RE ALONE, IT'S BECAUSE BELLAMY HAS SOUGHT HER OUT AND WHY DID BELLAMY SEEK HER OUT? Y'ALL I'M ONLY AT 6X01. I HAVE SO MUCH AMMUNITION BUT SOMEONE IS WELCOME TO SCREEN SHOT THIS SO THAT THE NEXT TIEM WE HAVE DOUBTS, I DON'T HAVE TO TYPE IT ALL OUT SO WHY DID BELLAMY SEEK HER OUT?

>Y'ALL I'M ONLY AT 6X01. I HAVE SO MUCH AMMUNITION @kate (historyofbellarke) "Give a position show me where the ammunition is" from My Shot just popped into my head lololol

WHY DID BELLAMY LEAVE HIS CANONICAL GIRLFRIEND TO GO SEEK OUT CLARKE?

BECAUSE HE LOVES HER AND ALSO BECAUSE THERE WAS DANGER

OK BUT WHY SPECIFICALLY NOOO WHEN CLARKE WAS IN THE SCHOOL

AND THE LAST TIME SHE WASN'T IN HIS SIGHT SHE ALMOST DIED

OK THAT TOO

Okay I'm lost at this point then.

LOL

Phone a friend.

Bc she sucks and Clarke's the best?

I'LL LET ---- CHIME IN LMFAO I LOVE YOU GUYS KNOW IT'S TO TELL HER THAT HE KNOWS ABOUT THE CALLS

OH THAT SCENE

HE KNOWS THAT SHE CALLED HIM EVERY DAY FOR 2,199 DAYS HE SOUGHT HER OUT, BY HERSELF, TO TELL HER THIS

YES YES

BUT BECAUSE CHORUS

WE'RE BACK THESE FUCK HEADS CAN'T HAVE A CONVERSATION

SHE GOT NERVOUS AND DUCKED OUT BECAUSE IT'S BEEN LESS THAN 3 WEEKS SINCE HE CAME BACK AND SHE'S OVERWHELMED BECAUSE HOLY FUCK WHAT A 3 WEEK PERIOD THAT WAS (REFER BACK TO TIMELINE AS NEEDED) ALL RIGHTY SO THEN AFTER THAT THEY FIND OUT ABOUT THE RED SUN WHICH BY THE WAY IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS BECAUSE HE CALLS OVER ECHO JUST TO PROMPTLY IGNORE HER COMPLETELY [AND BECAUSE IT'S ME, I HAVE A GIFSET FOR THAT] SORRY I GOT DISTRACTED

NO WE'RE HERE FOR THE GIFSET

I'M LOOKING OK IT'S PART OF THIS SO YOU GET A 2 FOR 1 https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/184827185143/bellarke-danger-vs-becho-safety OK NOW I FORGOT WERE I LEFT OFF OH YEAH IGNORING ECHO ALL RIGHT SO THEN WE HAVE EVERYTHING GO TO SHIT AND OF COURSE, BELLARKE LOCK THEMSELVES TOGETHER AND WE HAVE THE ANGST THE ANGST BUT THEY HAVE EACH OTHER'S KEYS

WHICH IS A MARRIED MOVE IF I EVER HEARD ONE

BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE KEY TO MY HEART, WHEREVER YOU ARE, I'LL KEEP YOU

That's a very comprehensive gifset

IF YOU DON'T KNOW THAT SONG THEN I FEEL OLD SO YOU HAVE THEM UNLOCKING EACH OTHER BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY ARE

I might drift in and out of conversation, partner wants attention but I wanna finish reading this asdfgh

AND HE'S LIKE "NAH ECHO, WIFEY AND I GOT THIS. WE GOTTA TAKE CARE OF OUR KIDS." TELL THEM TO WAIT THEIR TURN SO THEY'RE GOING LITERALLY PSYCHOTIC BUT THAT'S COOL. I TRUST THE OTHER ONE ENOUGH TO NOT KILL ME BUT OH WAIT - WHAT IS BELLAMY'S PSYCHOSIS ?

Not needing Clarke anymore...?

YUP WHICH MEAN S

He needed her and knew it at some point

YUP ALSO I FOUND THAT GIFSET THAT I IDD TO THAT SONG https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/184725894498/this-song-popped-into-my-head-and-i-had-to OK SO SKIPPING AHEAD, HIS BIGGEST SECRET IS THAT HE DOES STILL NEED HER OK EVEN I'M STARTED TO GET BORED SO I'LL GIVE BULLET POINTS FROM HERE ON OUT SO WE HAVE HIM NEEDING HER HIM CALLING HER THE LEADER EVEN THOUGH SHE HASN'T BEEN FOR LIKE 6 YEARS AND WE HAVE HIM PINING OVER HER AT THE DANCE FLOOR AND PICKING A FIGHT WITH ECHO OH YEAH AND WE SEE ALL THE  BECHO CRACKS HERE

This has been a v good rundown, I won't lie.

LOL

ONWARD  I'M BACK ON TRACK

WE HAVE JUXTAPOSED: ECHO NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY WITH REGARDS TO OBUT CLARKE KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT TO SAY EVEN AFTER 6 YEARS

BECAUSE WIFEY

https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/618426948212965376/historyofbellarke-4-times-someone-knew-the-right

Really you'd think the spy would know what someone wants to hear smh

NAH BECAUSE SHE HAS NO EMOTIONAL EMPATHY. WE'LL GET TO THAT EVENTUALLY

She's also kinda a shit spy. Like when has she ever done actual spying.

Y'ALL I HAVE A GIF FOR EVERYTHING. I'M THE LIZ WARREN OF BELLARKE GIFS GIFSETS AT LEAST

You don't need empathy to fake it, Madison's right she's just such a bad spy :joy:

I'VE GOT NOTHING ON ---- FOR JUST GIFS LOLi

I say this as someone who was 10/10 a spy in a past life at least according to my recurring dreams about it1

OK SO THEN WE ALSO HAVE BELLAMY SIDING WITH CLARKE AT EVERY TURN, OVER ECHO'S EXPLICIT OBJECTIONS AND WE HAVE HER NOTICINGGGGGG WE'RE HERE FOR THIS CONTENT

https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/185265380768/6x04-bec-scene-follow-up-with-6x05 JUST ONE EXAMPLE

HATE TO SEE IT 

SO WE HAVE BELLAMY CLEARLY SHOWING THAT HE'S HER LEADER - WHETHER HE MEANS TO BE OR NOT - WHICH COMES IN IN 7X01

Total aside but now I want a modern au where Bellamy doesn't know how to break up with Echo so he tries to ghost her while everyone around him is pulling their hair out

OH SHIT ONE SECOND I HAVE TO DO DUOLINGO SO I DON'T LOSE MY STREAK BRB

>Total aside but now I want a modern au where Bellamy doesn't know how to break up with Echo so he tries to ghost her while everyone around him is pulling their hair out ---- I love this, actually. WE SHALL HOLD YOUR SPOT

No one in this goddamn canon knows how to have an actual breakup conversation they only know how to die

CORRECT CHORUS

BECAUSE THESE TWO DUMBASSES CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER

Ironically Raven and Finn are the only ones who have had a half-normal breakup.

Will be back, partner is dramatically exclaiming that I don't love him anymore bc I won't go give him a goddamn hug bc the meta's too good

BOOM OK I'M BACK

SIDE NOTE BEFORE WE'RE BACK

GO ON

What language are you learning on Duolingo?

relearning spanish and then german german for work, spanish because i used to be fluent and i'm so bad now xp

This entire convo is a chaotic mess

We are a chaotic mess.

WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH, ----

Our ship is a chaotic mess.

It all tracks, honestly.

WE WOULD'VE ALL BEEN SO MUCH BETTER OFF IF JASPER HAD DESTROYED THE CHIP OOK SO MOVING ON NOW I FORGOT WHERE I LEFT OFF OH YEAH LEADER PERF SO OH YEAH I FORGOT TO ADD - 6 & 7 ARE ONE SINGULAR SEASON SO

This convo should totally be convered into a Masterclass session at the end. YES

WE'VE GOT A RUNNING THREAD OF ECHO BEING A FOLLOWER OF BELLAMY AND HER KNOWING IT

6/7 ARE ONE SEASON WE'RE HERE WE'RE LIVING

BUT BACK TO S6 SO WE HAVE BELLAMY BEING THE FIRST TO REALIZE THAT CLARKE WANS'T CLARKE AND WE HAVE THIS BEAUTIFUL MOMENT

I’m here and all of this is glorious

OH YEAH THERE'S ALSO THIS BUT I DIGRESS https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/618548726524510208/historyofbellarke-5x09-6x04-6x05 THE FIRST ONE HERE - https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/616075629201408000/just-some-clips-ofabout-bellamy-where-either HE'S WILLING TO RISK EVERYTHING EBCAUSE CLARKE MIGHT BE AT RISK  EVEN THOUGH THEY LITERALLY HAVE NO WHERE ELSE TO GO OH YEAH FUCKING MURPHY - I'LL GET BACK TO HIM ALL RIGHT SO THEN WE HAVE BELLAMY FIGURING IT OUT AND THE HORROR BLOOMING IN HIS SOUL AND THEN WE HAVE HIM LITERALLY WITH A ROOM DESTROYED EVERN THOUGH HE IS CHAINED UP LIKE SERIOUSLY HOW DID HE MANAGE THAT AND THEN TRY TO KILL RUSSELL THE SECOND HE COULD BECAUSE HE HURT CLARKE EVEN THOUGH, AGAIN, THAT'S THE ONLY WAY HE AND HIS PEOPLE COULD SURIVVE BUT WITHOUT CLARKE, HE'S NOT ALIVE. HE ONLY SURVIVES AND HOW DO WE KNOW THIS? BECAUSE HE FUCKING SAYS IT (implicitly)

I just came into this. I have nothing to add I just want to say I’m living for it

:heart:

Agreed, this conversation is giving meaning to my insomnia :joy:

https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/618973621000585216/just-a-reminder-that-bellamy-canonically-only

WHOLE F*ING THING ON SURVIVING VS LIVING AND THEN ONCE HE DECIDES THEY'RE GOING TO LIVE (AND LET RUSSELL LIVE)  BECAUSE IT'S WHAT CLARKE WOULD'VE WANTED, HE SAYS "WE SURVIVE" LOOKING LIKE THE SADDEST FUCKING PUPPY IN EXISTENCE AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THAT WE HAD A WHOLE DAMN EPISODE OF A 13 EPISODE SEASON DEVOTED TO BELLAMY SUFFERING BECAUSE HIS WIFE DIED AGAIN 3 WEEKS AFTER SHE WAS RESURRECTED SUBTLE, JASON. SUBTLE. OK NOW BACK TO MY BELOVED COCKROACH MURPHY AND BELLAMY ARE ARGUABLY THE TWO CLOSEST NON-ROMANTIC (:upside_down:) PEOPLE ON THE SHIP THE RING RIGHT? OK WE'RE GOING WITH IT ANYWAY

Hmmm yes(I agreee) but also Clarke and Murphy have that understanding that transcends words?

THEY ARE THE CLOSEST ROMANCE WITHSTANDING ON THE SHIP

AND MURPHY, MY BELOVED MURPHY, HAS BEEN THERE FROM "I'LL CHOP HER HAND OFF" TO "OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK CLARKE IS UNCONSCIOUS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO" TO "YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE HERE SAVING SOMEONE THEY CARE ABOUT"

BECAUSE BELLAMY DOES NOT EVEN KNOW ECHO'S ACTUAL NAME AND THEREFORE THEY ARE NOT CLOSE

LOL SO MURPHY AFTER 6 YEARS IS TRYING TO GET BELLAMY TO DO SOMETHING HE WANTS (WE'RE BACK IN SEASON 5 NOW, SORRY) AND HOW DOES HE DO THAT?

AND INVOLKES MOM'S NAME

BLESSED BE "WELL IF CLARKE WAS HERE" BELLAMY ESPLODES OK SO NOW WE HAVE MURPHY AGAIN WHO KNOWSSSS AND WHAT DOES HE SAY TO JOSIE? ABOUT BELLAMY

If Clarke is dead Bellamy will kill us all HE KNOWS

BAM ALSO, REFER BACK TO PREVIOUS GIFSET, SAME MURPHY "OH YEAH I'LL TRY TO HELP ECHO TOO" BECAUSE MURPHY KNOWSSSS OOK THAT'S ALL FOR MURPHY NOW SO WE HAVE BELLAMY "WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE BECAUSE I CAN'T LIVE WITHJOUT CLARKE BUT I'M GOING TO ONCE AGAIN HONOR HER FUCKING MEMORY" UNTILLLLLL WHAT HAPPENS

lol @ Murphy having to remind Bell his gf exists hahahah UNTIL HIS SOUL REALIZES CLARKE IS ALIVE

BUT HOW DOES HE REALIZE THAT

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME HE KNEW IT WAS MORSE CODE BECAUSE OF EARTH SKILLS NO

HE KNEW IT WAS MORSE CODE BECAUSE HIS SOUL FUCKING KNEW HIS WIFE WAS ALIVE

Yesss

PLATONIC SOULMATE MY ASS JASON

Morse code is life

[okay rant over, continue Kate]

MILLER'S FACE WAS LIKE "YOU FUCKING WHAT MAN?"

(side note- i am getting alive in morse code on my wrist when covid clears) OK SO WE'RE BACK SO WE HAVE JOSIE TAPPING HER FINGERS

Oh I love that I have friend who has that tattoo

YES TAP TAP MILLER GOING WTF BELL GOING ALL GIDDY PUPPY WITH A BONE

WHICH MEANS BELLAMY HAD TO HAVE GONE BACK TO HIS FAMILY AND SAY "OK WE'RE GOING TO RESCUE MY DEAD WIFE. SHE'S ALIVE. IKNOW BECAUSE JOSIE WAS TAPPING HER FINGERS." AND THE FAMILY HAD TO GO "YEAH OK THAT MAKES SENSE."

AND NO ONE QUESTIONED IT BECAUSE THEY BEEN KNEW

Yessss

SO WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO? LIKE IT WAS EVEN A QUESTION. THEY'RE RESCUING CLARKE AND BY THEY'RE I MEAN HE BECAUSE HE DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THEM AT THE MOMENT SO HE'S LIKE "READY OR NOT, I'M RESCUING MY WIFE. BYEEEEE" AND JORDAN'S LIKE "WHAT ABOUT PRIYA?" AND EVERYONE'S LIKE ".... SORRY BRO. CLARKE. YOU WANTED HEART BELLAMY. YOU GOT HIM." SO HE GOES, LEAVING HIS FAMILY BEHIND WITH A BUNCH OF PSYCHOPATHIC MURDERERS WHO KNOW THAT BELLAMY IS GOING TO KILL THEIR DAUGHTER BUT HE'S JUST LIKE... BYE AND HE KNOWS, AND WE KNOW THAT HE KNOWS, BECAUSE JOSIE TAUNTS HIM ABOUT IT THE WHOLE TIME BECAUSE JOSIE IS THE AUDIENCE BASICALLY

JOSIE IS US BUT SLIGHTLY MORE PSYCHOTIC

ALL RIGHT SO SKIPPING AHEAD, SKIPPING AHEAD, YOU HAVE JOSIE'S WHOLE RUN DOWN OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP

TOGETHER

AND HIS VERY LONG PAUSE FOLLOWED BY "I WON'T LET YOU DIE"

EXHAUSTING

INSTEAD OF I FUCKING LOVE YOU BECAUSE CHORUS SO WE GET CLARKE BACK THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF BELLAMY'S WILL

>AND HIS VERY LONG PAUSE FOLLOWED BY "I WON'T LET YOU DIE" @kate (historyofbellarke) "I LOVE YOU, BITCH. I AIN'T EVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU, BITCH."

"I'LL SHAVE THE BEARD" SO WE HAVE CLARKE WHO GAVE UP LIVING BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT BELLAMY GAVE UP (REMEMBER, JOSIE SHOWING HER THE MEMORY OF BELLAMY SAYING WE'LL TAKE THE DEAL) AND THEN CLARKE COMING BACK TO LIFE BECAUSE BELLAMY WOULDN'T GIVE UP AND THEN WE HAVE OCTAVIA, MY BROTHER POISONED ME FOR HIS WIFE AND I STILL RAISED MY NIECE ON STORIES OF EPIC BELLARKE, BLAKE IN THE BACKGROUND BEING ALL OF US

>SO WE HAVE CLARKE WHO GAVE UP LIVING BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT BELLAMY GAVE UP (REMEMBER, JOSIE SHOWING HER THE MEMORY OF BELLAMY SAYING WE'LL TAKE THE DEAL) @kate (historyofbellarke) OMG I HAVE A SPEC ABOUT THIS I HAVE A SPEC ABOUT THIS BUT IMMA WAIT TIL WE'RE DONE TO POP INTO SPEC TO TALK IT OUT OKAY CONTINUE

i'm going to keep going, but have i done a pretty good job of convincing anyone who was wavering? because remember this is all canon.  i have done absolutely no spec-ing at all.

I'm very hype rn. Ngl.

lol

Could flip a tire for Bellarke rn kind of hype

OK SO NOW CLARKE IS ALIVE BUT OH FUCK, THE REST OF THE FAMILY IS IN TROUBLE WE LITERALLY HAD MURPHY, MY BLESSED MURPHY, SHOW UP TO GO "YO. YOUR GIRLFRIEND." AND BELLAMY GO https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/591463308117278720/716493560610029708/tumblr_pv4mkld49N1xsmktho1_500.gif SO OF COURSE, IT'S NOT TIME TO TALK BECAUSE CHORUS

DUMBASSES NO TALKIE

SO WE GET EVERYONE FIXED. A BUNCH OF UNNECESSARY PLOT SHIT HAPPENS. AND THEN BELLAMY LITERALLY PUSHES HIS GIRLFRIEND OUT OF THE WAY TO GO AND DO A DRAMATIC SUNSET REUNION WITH HIS WIFE AND THEN PLOT SHIT PLOT SHIT PLOT SHIT WE'RE IN S7 AM I MISSING S6 STUFF? PROBABLY BUT Y'ALL IT'S LITERALLY BEEN 4 WEEKS IN CANON AT THIS POINT AND I MISSED A LOT OF SHIT. SO Y'KNOW. OUR BABIES ARE TIRED N AND NOW WE'RE ALL GOOD RIGHT? JUST GONNA GO HAVE A QUICK MEETING WITH GABRIEL AND THEN GO BACK TO MY WIFE SO WE CAN TALK OVER SOME TEA THEN BAM, O GETS STABBED AND THEN WE HAVE . 4 EPISODES THAT HAPPEN OVER 2 DAYS BEFORE CLARKE'S LIKE "WELP. I'M THROWING MYSELF HEAD FIRST INTO A WORM HOLE TO GO GET MY HUSBAND AND HIS STUPID GIRLFRIEND." AND YOU HAVE EVERYONE ELSE GOING "I'M SORRY, DID YOU THINK ANYTHING ELSE WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?" AND FOLLOWING AND THE S6/7 WRITERS MOSTLY JUST CHOSE TO IGNORE THAT S4/5 WRITERS GAVE CLARKE A DAUGHTER BECAUSE, WELL, I DON'T BLAME THEM EVEN THOUGH I LOVE MADI SHE'S AN UNNECESSARY COMPLICATION SO HAND WAVING SHE'S FINE SO NOW WE'RE UP TO PRESENT

Fully convinced Madi was there to ensure Clarke didn't go fully insane on Earth and provide motive for that bitch slap scene from S5.

brb spilled beer

Oh, and to parent trip Bell/Clarke.

>brb spilled beer @kate (historyofbellarke) makes sense after the tea you're spilling on this channel

Someone really oughta document this convo for a later date. lol We will need to reference it before end of the season, bet. lol

blesss i do not deserve my partner he told me to go sit down and is cleaning it also i went to finish the last of the unspilled stuff and promptly spilled it down my chest so ALL RIGHT WHERE WERE WE OH YEAH AND BELLAMY FORGAVE HER BECAUSE MADI WAS LIKE "YO YOU'RE A PARENT TOO AND REMMEBER SHE STOOD BY YOU WHEN YOU PUT OCTAVIA ABOVE LITERALLY EVERYTHING" AND BELLAMY WAS LIKE "OH... SHIT." AND THEN SHE WAS LIKE "SHE CALLE DYOU EVERY DAY YOU DUMBFUCK" AND YOU HAVE THE PATENTED "OMG, DOES CLARKE HAVE FEELINGS FO RME TOO???" JAW DROP BUT NOW BACK TO PRESENT

(Now if someone will just fucking tell her that he did the equivalent grant gestureTM of the radio calls except w/ poison)

i didn't even include the fact that he fucking poisoned O, that diyoza referred to her as his girlfriend, etc etc etc OH AND AS TO WHY HBECHO ISN'T GOING TO BE A HTING ANYMORE BESIDES EVERYTHING I'VE SAID

FINN COLLINS THAT'S WHY

BASUCALLY YES

FINN COLLINS EXCEPT AT LEAST CLARKE KNEW HIS REAL NAME

THEY DID A LITERAL EXACT PARALLEL BETWEEN BELLAMY AND ECHO SPFEIHOi4ur YES LIKE IT'S LIKE THE WRITERS FOUND BESTOFBECHO AND WENT "FUCK, ARE WE NOT BEING OBVIOUS ENOUGH? TIME TO CALL IN ZACH MCGOWAN" ( THEY FUCKING GOT ZACH ON A PLANE FROM LA TO VANCOUVER TO JUST SAY "YOU DON'T LOVE HIM" LIKE I DON'T THINK PEOPLE REALIZE HOW INVOLVED OF A PROCESS IT IS TO GET AN ACTOR THERE - ESPECIALLY IN CANADA WHERE YOU HAVE TO BALANCE NON-CANADIAN WITH CANADIAN ACTORS OR YOU CAN'T SHOOT IN CANADA SO THIS AMERICAN HAD TO BE TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT FOR THE WHOLE SEASON FOR A 2 MINUTE APPERANCE BUT THE WRITERS WERE LIKE "YO HUGE NEON SIGN RIGHT HERE" AND THEN SHE CONTINUED ALL SEASON IN THAT VEIN UNTIL 7X05 WHEN SHE BROKEEEEE OVER HIS "DEATH"

BECAUSE HER SOUL DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS ALIVE LIKE BELL DID CLARKE

AND DID THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING BELLAMY DID WHEN HE FOUND OUT CLARKE WAS ALIVE

And also as mentioned, she's a shit spy.

BECAUSE THE WRITERS ARE LIKE "CAN WE MAKE IT MORE OBVIOUS? I'M NOT SURE HOW!" so now we're at present day and here's a bit of crack spec-ing

THANKS FOR THIS LONG ASS META !!

YOU ARE WELCOME once again if i put that amount of effort into my dissertation, i'd be a phd with a published book or 3

This was a joy to read An utter joy This reaffirmed all my beliefs and got rid of all doubts I had

https://tenor.com/view/about-to-ugly-cry-ugly-cry-emotional-sensitive-crying-gif-8033343 i aim to please so now we have that O/B scene so we as the audience know something is off. bellamy was dragged sobbing and unconscious by his captors to suddenly being awake, fine, and killing a bunch of trained soldiers and holding someone hostage with his left hand. so then you have O, noticing something isn't quite right, casually bringing up clarke's name clarke. fucking. griffin. who bellamy had JUST brought back from the dead after learning she was alive and he's just... calm? about O possibly doing something with these psychos that's related to clarke? HE JUST POISONED HIS SISTER LIKE A WEEK AGO TO SAVE CLARKE'S LIFE i cannot stress this enough. bellamy fucking blake would not just go "huh?" when O, his sister that he's barely tolerating, goes "i'll tell you, you psychotic cultists, everything about my sister-in-law" and that's it. that's where i'm at s6 was about bellamy literally pulling clarke back from death s7 will be about clarke literally crossing time and space to get back to bellamy THIS IS AN EPIC FUCKING LOVE STORY AND ANYONE WHO THINKS OTHERWISE IS WRONG AND NOW I'M GOING TO TAKEA . SHOWER BECAUSE I SPILLED BEER ON MYSELF BUT I WILL BE BACK also i didn't think iw as drunk but then i reread that and started crying so it's definitely shower time

[sometimesrosy]

look some antis are delusional, but right now bellarks are too, sometimes i think this fandom is idiot, we saw echo go after bellamy they are not paralleling bellamy saving clarke, is echo who is gonna do it, they still together, oh love triangle, angst is so good for bellarke yeah i saw it and still seeing it sure leading to nowhere, let's be honest bellarke is not gonna happen and when sooner we accept it it's gonna be better. Jason play us all.

there was LITERALLY no b/e in that trailer.  If y’all want to say there was no bellarke. fine. There wasn’t. Neither was there b/e. Not together. Not breaking up. Not in love. Not committed. Not apart. There was a mission. Multiple missions. 

There wasn’t a love triangle in that trailer. That doesn’t mean there will be no B/E, Bellarke, or Love Triangle in the show though. (I kinda think it’s mostly over tbh. They showed the love triangle in the last trailer, but this one has no relationship between any of them.) It was about action and conflict.

And you can’t say that they will have Echo saving Bellamy because you see her go in, you don’t see her succeed. In fact, you see her scream, which indicates some distress, not success. So far, Echo has not done a very good job of accomplishing her missions. She got captured by MW, Got taken by ALIE, Took over Polis but got scolded by her king, Captured Clarke et al but her king let them go. Meant to capture O but killed her, and didn’t even do that correctly, Was supposed to take out Riley, didn’t. Double crossed Roan to cheat the conclave and got caught and exiled, tried to suicide and failed, tried to kill the soldier on the ship didn’t, meant to stop the eye in the sky, both failed and got captured, meant to kidnap madi, failed and got captured, meant to assassinate russell, failed and got captured. I mean. Stop me here. Are you noticing a pattern? What makes you think that seeing her go on a mission means she’ll succeed? I think the only one she succeeded at was getting B out of and starting a war for Nia. BUT that didn’t turn out too well for Nia. 

There was, as I said, an ABSENCE of Bellamy. And Octavia needing/needing to save Bellamy. Echo, possibly chasing Bellamy down. And Clarke, with her team, going into the anomaly. For no reason? 

Actually no. JR told us this hiatus. Clarke is going to be unwilling to lose any more of her people. If BELLAMY is missing here (along with Octavia and Diyoza) then that means SHE’S going to get him too.

ALSO.

The trailer is NOT telling us the core plot of the story, which is how Clarke and Bellamy fall in love while saving humanity. Nope.

It’s telling us the UMBRELLA story. 

It’s telling us the CONFLICTS.

ONE of the conflicts is a MISSING BELLAMY. 

They’re all going after him, is what I think.

And why... why... even if you’re right about bellarke, which I see no evidence of, should we stop enjoying our ship because it won’t turn out how we like? 

What kind of world is that? Don’t enjoy the sunset because it means rain is coming? Don’t enjoy the weekend because you have to go to work on monday? Don’t enjoy a party because you’ll be tired in the morning?

WHO told you “the sooner you accept disappointment the better?” Sounds like someone who wants you to be miserable in your life.

No thanks. not me. 

keep sending me this shit and you get blocked. I’ll allow a bit of reaction from fandom, but I’m getting tired.

This is a positive blog. Send your negativity ELSEWHERE. There are plenty of people who agree with you. They will appreciate your bullshit since they are full of bullshit themselves.

[chasholidays]

I'd like to request a bellarke star wars rebels au (clarke as a rebel captain and bellamy as a jedi survivor accidentally adopting several teenagers sounds about right. if this is selected, the wookiepedia summary is way better than wikipedia's). You're already wonder woman for your regular fics, and I really appreciate you still doing this at all! I hope you have a wonderful holiday season with your wife! And thanks!

“Remind me why I thought this would be a good idea.”

Bellamy collapses onto Clarke with a long sigh, and Clarke smiles, tangles her fingers in his hair to scratch his scalp. “Be more specific.”

“Training Octavia.”

“That one’s easy. She’s your sister, she’s force-sensitive, we don’t know any other Jedi, you’ve been looking for her for as long as I’ve known you–do I need to keep going?”

He makes a face. “I’m not a Jedi.”

Clarke does understand the distinction he’s making. As far as he knows, he was the sole survivor of the Empire’s massacre at his temple, a stroke of luck that she knows doesn’t always feel lucky. He’s had no formal training since, and his attempting to teach someone else when he’s a novice himself in most ways must feel absurd.

But to Clarke, it feels like her refusing to take on the title of captain of the Sylph just because she was never part of a formal military organization. No one’s promoted her, but she has her own ship and her own crew, and that makes her a captain. It’s an issue of semantics, not of skill. Bellamy’s developed his powers over the years, and Clarke would take him in a fight over any so-called Jedi master.

“You’re a good teacher,” she reminds him. “Things are complicated, but that doesn’t mean this was a bad idea. It just means you need to keep working. What happened?”

He shifts his weight off her shoulder, running his own hand through his messy hair. “Nothing special. More of the same, honestly. She’s not making progress as quickly as she should be, she’s frustrated, blaming me.”

“And you’re blaming yourself. You might not be the problem here, Bellamy. Learning takes time and patience, and so far, patience doesn’t seem to be one of your sister’s strengths.”

“Not so far. But I don’t know how to teach that, either. It’s not like I was any better at her age.”

“You’re not that much better now,” she teases, but it’s not really true. Clarke was sixteen when she met Bellamy, so the two of them have gotten to watch each other grow up, have shaped each other, even. She remembers him at first, the hot-headed, angry boy who was trying to hit the Empire anywhere he could, lashing out without any real strategy.

It seemed like such a waste, his throwing away his life after all he’d survived. So she told him she had a ship, and when he asked where it was, she admitted she was getting a ship.

They’d stolen the Sylph together the next day, and they’ve been a team ever since. Other allies have come and gone, people joining the crew and leaving, moving or dying, but she and Bellamy are the core, the beating heart of the ship. There’s no one else in the galaxy she knows as well or trusts as much as him.

“If I’m not any better than I was, you definitely shouldn’t call me a Jedi,” he says, dry.

“If you’re already giving up on your sister, you really aren’t that patient.”

He huffs. “I’m not giving up. Just–”

“Frustrated,” Clarke supplies. “Just like she is.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s okay to give yourself a break. Take a step back, cool off, try again. It’s not going to happen overnight. You know that, don’t let your sister make you forget it.”

“I do know. Thanks.”

She smiles, gives him an unsubtle once over. “Want me to help you forget about it?”

His laugh is a little reluctant, but the heat in his eyes is real enough. “Couldn’t hurt.”

*

Clarke and Bellamy started sleeping together because it was easy. They were two sexually compatible teenagers living on a ship together, drowning in a mess of hormones and adrenaline; not sleeping together would have been so much more difficult. It was a fairly casual arrangement to start, nothing formal, all practicality. If Clarke was in the mood, she’d stop by Bellamy’s bunk, and if he was in the mood too, they’d hook up. Bellamy started returning the favor, and it happened a few times a month, always good, but never anything more than just sex. If one of them was in a relationship, they’d stop, but once they were both single again, they’d start back up.

Clarke couldn’t say exactly when her feelings toward him changed, but she does know exactly when she realized it. It was a few weeks after they’d found Octavia trying to steal from them on a job. Bellamy hadn’t identified her right away–she’d been a baby when he went to the Jedi Temple–but he could tell she was strong in the force, as well as yet another reckless kid who hated the Empire and needed an outlet for that hate.

It probably would have been easier to take her in if she hadn’t been Bellamy’s sister, and force sensitive on top of that. They’ve had a revolving door of angry teenagers who have joined the crew, and they’re usually good with them. But Bellamy and Octavia have years of baggage between them, years of separate pain. It was stressful for everyone, and Bellamy and Clarke spent plenty of time in private, blowing off steam like they always did, nothing remarkable.

Not until she ran into Niylah at one of her favorite bars and Niylah asked if she wanted to go come back to her place and Clarke realized she just–didn’t. Sleeping with Niylah was always fun, good, but all she wanted to do was finish her drink and go back to the ship, make sure Bellamy wasn’t stressing too hard about what he was going to teach his sister.

It was the first moment she realized that he was the only one she wanted, and it’s something she’s still struggling with. If she was smart, she wouldn’t still be fucking him, or she’d be trying to talk to him about it, but it’s not as if their status quo is bad. It’s the best thing she’s ever had.

But now she knows she’s in love with him.

He’s worn out enough to fall asleep as soon as they’re done, but Clarke’s mind is still working overtime and she can’t drift off, no matter how warm his arms are and how soft his bunk.

She extricates herself from him carefully, smiling at the grumpy protest.

“Where are you going?” he asks, already half asleep.

“Checking our course one more time. We’re going close to the asteroid belt.”

“You should come back when you’re done.”

She pulls on her clothes, opens her mouth to say something, but he’s already asleep again, so she just leans down to press a kiss to his forehead on her way out.

Aside from Octavia, the crew has been stable for a while now, and as far as Clarke’s concerned, they could stay like this forever. Lincoln is playing dejarik with Murphy–judging from Murphy’s frantic whirring and Lincoln’s smirk, Lincoln is winning–while Raven tinkers with some piece of tech, an odd sort of family scene. Octavia’s door is closed, so Clarke assumes she’s either asleep or sulking, like her brother. They’re all good people, a good team with diverse skills, united in their desire to bring the Empire down.

This could last for a long time, if none of them fuck it up.

“Murphy, did you finish checking they hyperdrive?” she asks the droid.

She’s not completely fluent in binary, but she’s picked up enough that she understands Murphy is talking way too much, saying way too little, and absolutely bullshitting her, so she holds up her hand to stop his protestations.

“You can finish your game, then do the hyperdrive. If we get killed because you’re lazy–”

He whirs indignantly, and Lincoln rolls his eyes.

“I’m about to win anyway.”

“I’ll make sure he gets it done,” says Raven, standing and wiping her hands on her slacks. “How far out are we?”

“I was just going to check the projections. Why?”

“I need parts. Sooner rather than later.”

“For what? Do we need to make an emergency stop?”

“Murphy, for a start.” He beeps indignantly and Raven rolls her eyes. “What, you don’t want to get fixed? I don’t have to do this for you.” He doesn’t have any objections to that, and Raven turns her attention back to Clarke. “Yeah, he can wait. But I’ll eel better once I have the parts I need.”

“Nothing that’s going to raise flags on an Imperial planet, right?”

“Standard repair stuff.” She pauses, cocks her head at Clarke. “Did something happen with the Blakes?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that Bellamy stormed out of training and then Octavia yelled that he shouldn’t come back and stormed into her room, and I haven’t seen either of them since. When does this get bad enough that we worry about it?”

“Define worry.”

“Is one of them going to bail?”

“No,” says Clarke, a little too quickly.

Raven’s eyebrows shoot up. “You sure about that?”

“It’s a rough adjustment period. But Octavia needs a teacher and Bellamy is it. They’ll work it out.”

“Nothing like a total lack of options to make you feel good about your group dynamics.”

Clarke scowls; wishing the sex endorphins had lasted longer. That would have been nice. “Is there a reason you’re asking about this now?”

“Because we’ve got a job to do. Look, I’m not trying to be an asshole,” she adds, crossing her arms over her chest as Clarke double-checks the course headings. “I just don’t want Blake-sibling drama to hit a breaking point in the middle of an Imperial base. I know you’re doing your best to fuck the angst out of Bellamy, but that’s an uphill battle. If they end up getting us all killed because they can’t keep it together–”

“I don’t think they’re a liability. Bellamy isn’t. I’m not just saying that because we’re–whatever.”

“That’s what you’re calling it?” Raven asks, eyebrows raised.

“He’s having trouble teaching her, not doing his job.”

“And you two are good?”

“Which of us?”

“Any of you, I guess. But I was thinking you and Bellamy.”

“What would be wrong with us?”

Raven shrugs. “I don’t know. You seem different.”

“Both of us?”

“Now I know something’s up,” she says. “What happened?”

“Nothing! Everything’s the same as always. We’re fine. He’s just stressed and I’m worried about him. I always worry about him.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s your thing. But I’m not used to worrying about everyone.”

“But you are?”

She shifts a little, awkward. “This is a good gig. Probably the best one I ever had. I don’t want anything to happen to it.”

“I don’t either. I promise I’m not worried.”

“Not more worried than usual, you mean.”

“Normal worried.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“No problem. Is that all?”

“Just an ETA and a schedule so I know when I can pick up the parts I need.”

“I can do that. Goodnight, Raven.”

“Night, boss.”

Clarke finishes up slowly, so by the time she’s heading back to bed, all she sees is the sparks from where Murphy is working on the hyperdrive. She hesitates outside her own door, debating for a second before moving down a room, slipping into Bellamy’s instead.

He did tell her to. It wasn’t her idea.

He doesn’t stir as she climbs in next to him, but he does roll over and settle on top of her.

“You came back,” he murmurs.

“You’re warm. Are we good?”

He kisses her shoulder. “Always. Go to sleep.”

It’s easy to believe; Clarke snuggles in close and closes her eyes.

*

It’s not actually their first mission with Octavia, but Clarke does understand Raven’s anxiety. They’re planning to be on Trogan for a while, a month at least, doing recon on Imperial activity there and causing chaos wherever they can. It’s nothing new for most of the crew, but laying low and avoiding Imperial attention is harder the longer you’re on the same planet, and Octavia’s already bad at subtlety. One slip-up could get them all killed.

“I know that,” Octavia snaps, petulant. “How come I’m the only one getting a lecture?”

Clarke takes a measured breath and pastes on a smile. “Because you’re the only one who hasn’t done this before.”

“What do you mean, I haven’t done this before? I grew up on Lothal, I lived my whole life under Imperial control. I know what I’m doing.”

“You lived your life alone under Imperial control,” she corrects, as patient as she can manage. “I’m not questioning your ability to take care of yourself, we all know you can do that. But you’re a part of a team now, and that’s different.”

In a way, she does sympathize with Octavia. She’s a few years younger than the rest of the team, and Bellamy’s little sister on top of that. She’ll have a chip on her shoulder about not being taken seriously until she feels like she is taken seriously, and that could be a while, because she’s wrong, too. She’s not the only one who gets this kind of treatment, she’s just too young to understand that Clarke worries about everyone and everything. It’s her job, as the captain.

But Clarke’s argument at least sways her for now. Her jaw works, but she finally nods. “I guess that’s true.”

It’s a small victory, but she’ll take it. “So you’re going to listen to us and trust us? I’m not just asking you to do that, it’s everyone. That’s what being on a team means.”

The scowl returns, but her voice is steady. “I get it, I’ll listen.”

“Good. And if you have ideas, we want to hear them. I know how you grew up, you’re a good resource for us.”

“Am I? Or am I just Bell’s tag-along little sister?”

Her voice is sharp, the thin veneer of indignation failing to hide her anxiety. Clarke softens, but only internally; showing sympathy would just make it worse.

“You’re a force-sensitive rebel with fighting ability and a history of making trouble for the Empire. We didn’t know you were his sister when he sensed you, and we were still planning to check you out, maybe recruit you. You’re not a pity hire, Octavia. But you’re not a seasoned expert either. The rest of us have more experience than you do, and we’re not being unfair pointing that out. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Good. You and Lincoln are hitting up Whistler’s Whirlpool. Hang out, play some sabacc, let Lincoln introduce you to some of his contacts. Nothing fancy–this is a long game operation. We want information.”

“What are you and Bell and Raven doing?”

She sounds curious, not defensive, so Clarke figures there’s no harm in telling her. “Raven’s getting parts for ship and Murphy repairs. Me and Bellamy have a cover story that we’re just a pair of traders, so we’re working our contacts. Nothing big, just checking in, seeing if there’s any news. Like I said, we’ll be here for a while. We don’t have to be in a hurry.”

Octavia seems content with this, apparently satisfied that she’s not the only one without an exciting mission on their first day in Trogan. It’s easy to think that rebellions are all sabotage and fighting, but Clarke’s learned that a lot of it is slow, careful work. It’s going to take a long time to beat the Empire, so long none of them might live to see it, but if they rush, they’ll definitely die before the regime falls.

So the six of them split up to take their time. Murphy goes with Raven to get tech, since even droids like a change of scenery, Lincoln shows Octavia to the Whistler’s Whirlpool, and Clarke and Bellamy head to the market to check in with the merchants they know.

“How’s O doing?” Bellamy asks, once they’re far enough from the others. “Is she going to go start a brawl?”

“I don’t think so. I think I convinced her we’re treating her the same as everyone else, and that helped.”

“Everyone thinks rebellion is just blowing things up all the time,” he murmurs, leaning in close so no one will hear. Anyone else would think he was whispering sweet nothings, and in a way, he is. Clarke fell in love with him for things like this. “Unfortunately, we need to have a plan.”

“I think she gets that. And Lincoln definitely does, so maybe he’ll be a good influence. I’m going to avoid putting you two together, by the way.”

He sighs. “Probably a good idea.”

“Not forever,” she adds, giving his hand a quick squeeze. “Just–this time.”

“And maybe for a while longer. I know it’s going to get better. Once she feels like she’s actually progressing with her force powers, she’ll stop being so frustrated.”

“How long does that take?”

He gives her half a smile. “The shitty thing is that being frustrated about your powers makes it harder to get your mind in balance with the force, so–”

“It’s going to be a while.”

“This should help, if it goes well. It’s felt a little like she’s on probation, so far.”

“She’s new,” Clarke grumbles, letting some of her own frustration out. “We’re treating her differently because she doesn’t know what’s happening yet. She hasn’t done any of this stuff before.”

“I know.” He sighs. “You know what she told me yesterday?”

“What?”

“That we haven’t done what she did either. And she was right,” he admits. “She’s been alone for so long. I never had to take care of myself like that.”

“And she never had to be the only survivor of a massacre that killed all her friends,” Clarke points out. “We all come from different places, but if anyone who wants to be part of this crew has to recognize that everyone has something to contribute.”

“I think that’s what I’m worried about,” he admits, soft. “That she doesn’t want to be. I took so many years to find her, and sometimes I feel like all she wants from me is ten steps she can take to become a Jedi and then she’ll be done. If this isn’t a good fit for her, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“You know this isn’t a good fit for everyone. It might not be for her. It’s happened before.”

“She’s my sister, Clarke. Half of why I wanted to be on a ship was to look at her. If she leaves–”

Revelation slams into her, making her blood run cold. “You’d go with her?”

“She probably wouldn’t want me to. And I wouldn’t–” He clears his throat, looks away. “I have no idea what I’d do. The Sylph is my home, and I always thought it would be hers too, if I found her.”

“Yeah,” Clarke says, but her voice is hollow, an echo. She’s never thought anything would make Bellamy leave. She can’t even fathom how empty the ship would feel without him. How empty she’d feel.

“Sorry,” he says. “I’m not–this feels important, right? We’re not even doing anything big, but I feel like I’m on the edge of fucking up and losing her again.”

“You don’t know that.” She swallows, hard. “And you don’t have to throw away everything for her. She doesn’t have to be the only thing you–you’re allowed to have a life of your own, Bellamy. You’re not the same people, you might need different things.”

“I know.”

It doesn’t feel important to make an impassioned plea for him to stay, not then, but it does lodge in her mind. Bellamy leaving had never been something she needed to think about; she always took it for granted that they were a team, and that if he found his sister, that wouldn’t change anything. If he had to leave, she’d go with him.

But Bellamy seems to think he’d be leaving her, and that’s more than Clarke wants to think about right now.

Instead, she throws herself into the mission, which is unfortunately largely because, as she kept telling Octavia, this isn’t exactly one of those jobs that keeps them really busy. It’s a bread-and-butter job, vital to everything they do, but listening to rumors and following up with contacts isn’t exactly a great distraction. She spends as much time as she can updating records, putting things together, trying to pack their schedule so full that Octavia won’t have time to feel restless and discontent.

If she’s lucky, Clarke won’t have time for it either.

It takes a week before anyone calls her out, and to her surprise, it’s Lincoln, not Bellamy.

“I feel like you haven’t left your quarters in days,” he remarks, taking the seat next to her.

“I have.”

“The feeling remains.” He leans forward, watching her. She’s known him for longer than she’s known Bellamy, although it often doesn’t feel like that. She met him first, but he didn’t join the crew for a long time, not until the rebellion on his home planet failed, and he was left as one of the last survivors of his race. Once he’d finished mourning, he asked if there was room on her ship for him, and it always felt like a huge display of trust.

“I’m worried about Bellamy and Octavia,” she says. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise.

He nods. “Raven is too.”

“You’re not?”

“Not the way you are. I worry about how long it’s going to take them to find equilibrium, but I’m not worried that they won’t. It’s just going to take time. From what Bellamy’s said, I thought you knew that.”

“Everyone else is psyching me out,” she says, with a wry smile. “I was feeling fine, but then Raven was worrying, and Bellamy is talking about what he’ll do if his sister leaves–”

“Ah,” says Lincoln. “That’s it.”

She could deny it, but it would only prolong the conversation, and Lincoln would still know. “I didn’t think he’d leave with her. Which is stupid, she’s his sister, of course he wouldn’t leave her.”

“She might not want him to come, if she leaves. They can separate without anyone being abandoned.”

“I know, I’m just not sure he knows.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“No.” She smiles. “I don’t want to.”

“You should anyway. People don’t always know how we feel about them.”

“We don’t always want them to know.”

“I don’t know what the point of having a best friend is if you can’t talk to him about what you’re going through. Especially when you’re shutting yourself off so he can’t talk to you either.”

“Sometimes I just like making bad decisions,” she says, and he smiles.

“Well, try not to make them for too long.”

There’s a crash outside and then Octavia yelling, “Murphy!” and frantic beeping sounds, which is enough to get them both up and moving. It’s not really much of a disaster, all things considered–Murphy wanted to stir shit, Octavia had shit to be stirred–and it doesn’t take long to sort out. And by the end, even Octavia is laughing, the camaraderie easy and uncomplicated.

For the first time, Clarke can see how she would fit in here, really fit, instead of just being Bellamy’s sister. It’s a moment that comes for every crew member they keep, not just her, but the relief of it with Octavia is more profound, and when she catches Bellamy’s eye, she knows he’s thinking the same thing. This could work; this could last.

When he goes back to his room after dinner, she waits a few minutes before following him back. The door is closed, but it opens when she buzzes, and he doesn’t look that surprised to see her.

“Hey. Everything okay?”

She slides inside, waiting for the door to slide shut behind her before she admits, “You scared me.”

His concern melts into confusion. “When? How?”

“A few weeks ago. When you were talking about Octavia leaving.”

“Okay.”

She exhales. “You made it sound so easy. If she left, you’d go with her. I never thought about it before.”

“Oh.” He sits down on the edge of his bunk, sighs. “I was wondering what happened. I thought we were all just stressed.”

She joins him. “That too. But–I didn’t think you could just leave like that.”

“I don’t know what I’d do if she asked me to leave and you wouldn’t come,” he admits. “But I didn’t think I should assume you would either. And I felt like–you’ve been weird. Since we found O.”

“You noticed?”

He bumps his shoulder against hers. “We spend most of our time together, yeah. I figured you were just adjusting. But you were worried I was going to leave?”

“No. I was–” She exhales. “I’ve been thinking about–how I feel about you.”

“I, uh–did you not know?”

He looks so confused, she has to smile. “I love you.”

It doesn’t seem to help. “I feel like that’s supposed to be a big thing, but–I knew that.”

“I meant in the romantic, monogamous way. So when you said you were leaving–”

“Clarke,” he says, gentle, a smile fighting its way onto his face, this huge, bright thing. “I never said I was leaving, I was just stressing. And I wouldn’t just leave you. We’d figure it out, if we had to.” He finally just lets himself grin. “Fuck, you thought I wasn’t in love with you? Of course I’m in love with you. I’m so in love with you.”

Clarke starts to laugh too, all relief, slumping against his side. “We don’t talk about this stuff. You didn’t know either.”

“Not exactly. I figured we’d just never talk about it. But I knew you–” He kisses her hair. “I figured it would work out.”

“That’s what you thought would work out? You’re worried your sister will bail on her Jedi training and leave the crew, but you thought you and me would just work out?”

“Yeah. I’m a lot more sure of us than I am of me and Octavia. Than I am of anything else, honestly. We’re–we’re solid, right? You’re never going to lose me. It’s not even an option.”

“I guess when you put it like that.”

He tilts her chin up and kisses her, not for anything even close to the first time, but it’s good every time, and she can’t help feeling like this time is even better.

Requited love is nice.

The kiss only stays soft and sweet for a moment, less because she’s not enjoying herself and more because she and Bellamy haven’t hooked up since he said he might leave with Octavia and she likes sex and loves him and it’s been too long.

Bellamy’s hands slide under her shirt, tugging it up, and Clarke breaks away to help him get it off when there’s a crash and Octavia yells, “Murphy, you fucking bucket of bolts, I’m going to–”

Clarke collapses, laughing, against Bellamy’s neck. “Should we go deal with that?”

He shakes his head, pulls her shirt the rest of the way off. “Nah. She’s fine. She’s fitting right in.”

[wearethegladiators]

BUCKLE UP KIDS BC THIS SHIT IS WAY TOO LONG BC I HAVE 0 SELF-CONTROL: A LILY EDITION

Lily is trapped AF. She is an important figure of the Muggleborn Resistance/one of the branches of the Muggleborn Resistance… She’s quite a powerful player because she managed to secure allies… pretty much everywhere (hello Wynona, hello les deatheaters). BUT her branch is very cult-like (yes, this is canon, I thought this through and through promis). It started most likely when she helped a bunch of them to escape from a Mudblood Camp (which was mostly accomplished thanks to/with Sacha but I guess he would try to avoid the spotlight??) Then she was captured a bunch of other times, always escaped, was almost killed a bunch of times, always survived (just Lily stuff). (Also the fact that she disappeared on a crusade for months after the virus to find the muggle survivors and buried/burnt so many bodies… Imaginaries, you know). And that kept on going. At first she thought this was bullshit, she’d make fun of Fury and the bunch of other people treating her like a Wanheda. But then Aron died, and THAT changed everything. Because the building of the Muggleborn Resistance, like you said, it was all for people like him. And every fucking thing Lily did, it was all about him first and foremost. Before her people. Before anyone else. And failing at it, losing the purpose she had for years?? She almost gave up. But then they were these people telling her she survived for a reason, she was meant to do something, she was the queen of the dead of whatever bullshit… Well if she ever met an oracle confirming that, she’d accept it. There HAS to be a reason why SHE survived when everyone else around her is… dead, brainwashed, gone. So she played into that. And Lily, while being an atheist, has always strongly believed in fate and destiny. So in the long run, she’d buy it… Would come to believe she is the only one capable of saving her people from going extinct, and would take drastic measures to prevent it from happening. She has to have a reason to keep going, and so do the people around her because they fucking suffered so much. So that’s what she does – sort of brainwash herself. That’s how she survives, but that’s not how she may live.

 Random bullet points and further ranting:

 ·         CLARIFICATION 1: I’ve seen you were confused by some stuff I mentioned like the “Fenugreek drama” which makes sense because I’ve never explicitly spoken about it mdr. But basically, the idea is that Fenugreek got injured during a battle, pretty badly. Healers managed to “bring him back” but he was just done. He did not want to keep on fighting. So he begged everyone in the room to end his suffering and no one was willing to do it because he was a kid. And finally Lily stood up and she did it. (Sung The Parting Glass while doing it because hey, remember Fenugreek was Irish too). That’s the moment when things started to go ugly with Aron.

·         CLARIFICATION 2: Lily thought Aron was dead right after she was saved by the Rebellion so I need to check but… mid-1998? Sullivan had caught her and tricked her/her memory into thinking they had killed her brother (he officially did it because they needed to “stop” Lily (mdr the deatheaters thought Lily was a hell of a threat at that time remember) (and the Rebellion was just like “humpf nice kid, how did she survive tho”) ANYWAY it was his way of “stopping” her without killing her) (what a bitch, is he dead btw) (I think so). So after that she had a few weeks/months of being batshit crazy, always running away, having edgy/suicidal behavior, and ultimately savagely killing a deatheater. That’s when she decided it was too much, and since she felt something was wrong with her memory she went to NZ and found her family safe and sound :’) and brought back to the UK :’)

·         NOT RELATED BUT CANON: Lily’s ancestors were Vikings. Warriors, explorers. And overall nice people. Btw can we have talk about this? http://www.irishsurnames.com/cgi-bin/gallery.pl?name=evans&capname=Evans&letter=e PEACE. SINCERITY. WOLVES. So anyway long shot I’m sorry but………….. What if Lily’s and Nathan’s ancestors already crossed paths on the sea????

·         NEEDS MORE THOUGHT: Lily is a FREAKING GOOD Occlumens. And she uses it way too much. And it’s messing with her mind, her health, and pretty much everything around. Definitely weakens her a lot but she can’t stop. (Also because of what happened when she let down her guard and thought Aron was dead). But the whole Josephine plot….. Makes me wonder if she could not have one such moment again, because she’s frankly exhausted. What if someone takes advantage of it? What if someone attacks her in what is supposed to be her greatest strengths?? HOW BAD WOULD THIS BE???

 ·         NEEDS MORE THOUGHT: SACHA. I always thought of him as a sort of mini-Aron… (and so did Lily, for a while). But you know what Sacha really is? A mini-Lily, struggling not to become everything Lily is at the moment. And Lily, as blinded as she is atm, she can see that. She can feel that. And she’ll be willing to fucking protect that. She won’t be a perfect friend because she’s… she’s fucked up, tbh. Damaged to a point that may not ever be fixed. But she’ll try. She’ll be that one person to tell him to never, ever give up on his brother (even though she may fail at providing him with the support needed to do so). She’ll make sure he does not have to do the fucked-up shit/get his hands dirty. But even more so…. She could use him as her moral compass? Like she has her personal “circle” of counselors if you will (most of them being fanatics :’)) but gradually, she’ll end up turning to Sacha. Because she can see herself in him – everything she used to be, everything she wishes she still was. And speaking to him is like speaking to an older version of herself, a better version of herself. I really want Nathan to be the one helping her out of this mess but… This could certainly help. If Sacha tells her something’s wrong, she’ll listen. She may not seem like she is, but she will.

 Finally, I don’t know if you can tell but I’ve been getting A LOT of Nathalily vibes lately. They’re like BROTP ENDGAME YO. There’s definitely angst in there. Lily’s almost exclusively with the Muggleborn Resistance now (she stuck with the rebellion for a while because Aron literally refused to follow with the Muggleborn Resistance and stayed with the Rebels mdr). As you said, the Rebellion and the Muggleborn Resistance have different endgoals and they must sometimes clash, which means that LILY AND NATHAN CLASH. Also the Aron drama must have damaged their relationship somehow (I’m sorry bitch but because of Bellarke I can just SEE Lily slapping Nathan in the face, and the only way she would resort to this would probably be Aron-related). (Also remember that in the Excidium verse Lily had literally LEFT Nathan’s movement because she disagreed so much with it and what he was becoming) (and remember on the CB of les Ames Mortes when Nathan literally ATTACKED Lily to show her how unprepared she was to face the war) (THERE’S ALWAYS BEEN ANGST GNNNN)

But, my point is, even though their relationship might be complicated, even though they’re in conflict sometimes (what if they literally find themselves on opposite sides mdr) (I mean with what you said I could see some Resistants being AGAINST the Rebellion), they’re just ALWAYS THERE for each other. Like there’s a super sensitive thing to do and Lily just goes like “yeah, ask Nathan” without even thinking because!! she trusts him so much!! no matter what!! And everyone’s like “really????” and she’s looking at them like “wtf idiots”. Idk, like the unconditional trust and the unconditional love and the unbreakable bond is still here no matter what? She would come under a minute if she heard he was in trouble, and she would put her life into his hands without even having to think about it. Am I making sense??? And they need to have an emotional retrouvailles sequence with a running!hug and shit. Nathan also needs to help Lily out of this mess hihi. OR Lily could give up all this bullshit when Nathan goes “””dark”””?? Because it was not just Aron her priority – it was her brother, and Nathan’s just that to her.

(Also I’m a sucker for Lily/Nathan saying they’re each other’s brothers and sisters and everyone being like YOU DON’T HAVE THE SAME BLOOD. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE THE SAME SKIN COLOR. AND SO WHAT BITCH)

Anyway so I’m emotional, I don’t know if you could tell

(Regarding the last gifset: I mean, Lily’s a badass survivor, she’s incredibly luckily and shit. But Nathan plays a big part in her survival over the last few years, both physically and mentally, that we need to acknowledge :’))

[misssophie23]

Can I Be Happy, Living With Your Ghost?

You never forget your first love. Never. Especially not when they keep being your best friend, like Bellamy and Clarke. They both moved on with different people, but their hearts hadn’t forgotten where they truly belonged. But Bellamy and Clarke always had the worst timing and life is a bitch , so they have to go through a lot before finding what they really want - or who. Their poor friends, they don’t have an easy time with them. Never had and probably never will.

Because we are all suckers for ex-lovers, angst and slowburn!

Thanks to my betas Marie and and-so-we-meet-again

Chapter Three

Read on Ao3

Chapter Four: I’m Just A Coward When It Comes To Love

Clarke’s POV. We jump a few years forward, twice. Brace yourself Bellarkers, it’s going to be a rough ride.

 July 2015

 The sun was shining down her face, warming up her skin and making her smile. Her fingers were wrapped around a cold glass of ice tea while she had her eyes closed, listening to the singing birds around her.

 Clarke sat on the porch by herself while her friends were inside, preparing the food for tonight. They all had gone on a trip for the Independence Day, which was today. It was kind of a tradition for them to celebrate this day together. And because everyone got a few days off from work they‘d decided to visit the cabin Miller’ family owned. It was by the ocean, a two hour's drive away from Arkadia.

 It was nice to have them all around and so close because reality got them under control far too often. All of them were busy with their work, building houses or just trying to figure out what they want from their lives. So days like these were very rare and special. It felt just like being back in the good old days, where they were together all the time. It felt good … and yet it wasn‘t. Yet it was completely different.

  They all brought their significant others and families along this year. So it was much louder in the cabin and more chaotic than it had been in the past. But Clarke didn’t mind. She liked talking with Lincoln about art and playing with her godchild Marie. She also enjoyed talking about the good old times with Monty and joking around with Murphy and Miller. It was nice and yet she felt worse with each day that passed by. It was getting harder and harder to keep up her face, the masquerade she put on when she was around him.

 Around Bellamy … and his new girlfriend. Gina Martin. A woman whose company Clarke would really enjoy if it wasn’t for the fact that she was with Bellamy. Gina was very sweet, and likable. She was a kindergarten teacher and a passionate musician. Clarke understood why Bellamy was with her. And yet Clarke couldn’t stand her. Not as her best friend’s girlfriend. Not when Clarke still had feelings for him.

Because she did. And Clarke hated herself for that. She knew it was ridiculous because Bellamy and her had broken up years ago. They both had moved on. Or at least she thought she did. But even when she was still studying medicine she knew that she hadn’t let him go. That she still had feelings for him, which didn’t go away until now. These feelings were the reason why she always had come back during the breaks. Why she had decided to do her residency at the Arkadia Hospital and not somewhere else.

 Because she was still holding onto him. But Clarke never made a move. She always wanted to but she didn’t know how Bellamy felt. She had never been brave enough to tell him that she came back for him, that she wanted to be with him. All they had agreed on were being friends and that’s what they were – best friends.

 And Clarke was grateful for that but at the same time it was her personal hell. Which became even worse when she learned about Gina almost a year ago. It’s been a year and she still hadn’t gotten used to Bellamy and Gina being in love. And they were. They both truly loved each other and that sucked even more. Because if they weren’t, maybe Clarke would talk to Bellamy and tell him what she was feeling. She would have had hope that he felt the same. But he didn’t, because his feelings for Gina were real. Gina was real. So Clarke had to move on for good.

  And she wanted to move on. She really did. Clarke also wanted to be happy for Bellamy. He deserved a woman like Gina. A love like this. And as his best friend Clarke was supposed to be happy for him. For both of them. And she really tried. It worked lying to herself that the feelings would go away on their own, like they would just disappear and she could be happy and supportive for real. Most of the days it worked.

 But then there were days like today, where she needed all her strength to keep it together. It wasn’t that Bellamy and Gina were cuddling and kissing all the time. But even the little things like their smiles and the little pecks made her feel sick, making it hard to breathe. Clarke had to take some time off, being on her own so she could take a deep breath to calm herself down. Two more days. Just two more days and she would be back home, not having to torture herself every time she laid eyes on the couple.

  Clarke closed her eyes. She had been alone for quite some time now and thought about getting back in when she heard footsteps approaching her. The steps were careful, like the person who did them wasn’t sure if she was asleep or not. So Clarke opened her right eye and looked towards a nervous looking Bellamy. Her heart sank. She swallowed and opened the other eye, trying to put on a casual smile.

  “Sorry,” said Bellamy “did I wake you up?”

  She shook her head, not trusting herself with words right now.

  “Okay,” whispered Bellamy relieved, but still didn’t move an inch. She knew that he wanted something but he was too nervous to ask. Maybe afraid even? Maybe it was because she didn’t say anything. Maybe he felt that something was wrong. That she wanted to be alone and was avoiding him, a little at least.

  “Can I sit with you for a moment?”

  Somehow this question broke Clarke’s heart. They used to read each other like their own hand. They used to know when the other person wanted to be alone, what they wanted to say. But this had been a long time ago. Their relationship had changed. So many times. Especially since he was with Gina. Clarke didn’t want it to happen but it did. Sometime and somehow in the past year their relationship changed and it wasn’t the same. They still were best friends, but sometimes they felt like strangers to one another in moments like this.

  Clarke’s eyes raked over Bellamy who set his eyes on her and while his body stood straight and solid, his eyes gave everything away. He really was nervous. He really couldn’t read her, so he wasn’t sure what her answer would be. And neither was Clarke. Did she want Bellamy to be her company right now? After all she had been thinking in the last few minutes? That she was still in love with him and she wished that she could tell him.

 Oh Clarke wished she could just switch off these feelings and be the friend Bellamy needed, that he deserved. But at the moment Clarke couldn’t be this friend. She didn’t want to be this kind of friend. And yet she was desperate to have some time alone with him. They hadn’t been alone since they came here. Since a very long time to be honest, because Clarke tried to avoid situations like this. Situations best friends would be comfortable with, being alone, spending time together, talking.

  “Clarke?”

  Bellamy snapped her out of her thoughts.

  “Hm? Oh yeah. Sorry. Of course.” She moved a little so Bellamy could take a seat on the bench right next to her.

  He smiled and she returned it but looked at her ice tea a second later. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she breathed in his scent a few seconds later. Everything in her body tickled. Her mind got foggy and Clarke hated her decision immediately. And it got even worse as they sat in silence for quite some time. It killed her. She didn’t feel comfortable like she used to. It made her nervous. Bellamy and her exchanged a short, insecure smile. Which didn’t help at all because - why was Bellamy as uncomfortable as her? Clarke took a big gulp of her tea, when Bellamy decided to break the silence – finally!

  “So, everything’s okay?”

  He should have stayed silent. Was everything okay? Seriously? Well, not really but Clarke swallowed and nodded anyway. A scratchy “Yeah” was all she got out of her mouth.

  “That’s good,” said Bellamy lowly and out of the corner of her eyes she saw that he looked down at his palms, kneading the inside of the left one with his right thumb. He truly was nervous. This and him scratching his neck were signs of pure nervousness. Her heart beat louder, slower. Her eyes flew to his face, trying to read his expression. Something was off. And somehow Clarke didn’t like the feeling.

  They fell into silence again. And again it was pure torture. It was unbearable, so Clarke was about to stand up but again Bellamy spoke up.

  “You are my best friend, you know that right?”

  He looked right at her, face determined and insecure at the same time. It took Clarke a few seconds before nodding again.

  “I know.” This time her heart beat faster. Her eyes studied Bellamy’s expression. Nervous strikes rolling through her.

  “And you can talk to me. About anything.” Continued Bellamy and turned his body towards her, looking at her fully.

  “I-I know.” Repeated Clarke and hated not being able to say more than a few words. She is supposed to say so much more. God, there had been times where Clarke didn’t stop talking to him. Where they chatted all day. And not like this. Silence surrounding them. And everything so insecure and forced.

  “Okay. Because I have the feeling that something is wrong.” Now his face softened. His gaze was full with care. And before Clarke could say or do anything he pushed further.

  “If there is something I have done then you can tell me.”

  Clarke frowned. “I … there isn’t anything.” Except for the ‘I still love you and don’t want you to be with another woman’ part.

  “Are you sure?” He doubted and she couldn’t blame him. She knew that she behaved different around him.

  “Because I have the feeling that you are avoiding me.”

  She was. She definitely was. But she couldn’t tell him, right? She couldn’t tell him how she felt when he was around her or when he was with Gina. It was her burden to bear, not his. So Clarke thought about a different answer. Something he would believe. A lie.

  Clarke licked her lips and shook her head. “I’m not. I …” She didn’t know what to say. She wanted to lie to him. Tell him she thought about her dead friend Wells or her father. But she didn’t. All she had been thinking in the last few days had been her feelings for the man in front of her. The man who looked at her so carefully and determined, who wanted to make sure she was okay.

  Finally Clarke sighed. She shrugged with her shoulders and smiled apologizing.

  “I’m sorry if I made you feel this way. Maybe I’m a little off these days. I don’t know why. But this has nothing to do with you.”

  Automatically she put her hand over his and caressed her thumb over the tanned skin. It was a move she regretted immediately. Heat rushing up her cheeks, her heart pounded loud and fast, her stomach turned around.

  “I promise.”

  She looked right into Bellamy’s face which eyes were laid on their hands before he looked up and swallowed thickly. His eyes were fixed on hers and she could tell how much her words meant to him. That Bellamy believed her because he trusted her. He believed her when she was telling him everything was okay, even though it was a lie. Nothing was okay for her. Not when it came to Bellamy.

  “Okay,” smiled Bellamy and didn’t break the contact, neither their hands nor their eyes. Seconds passed by and Clarke felt more nervous. Her heartbeat was at its high and her stomach felt like riding a roller coaster. Everything around her vanished. All she could see was his eyes. His damn brown eyes which were telling her how important she was to him. How much he loved her, even when it was in a different way then her love for him.

 His eyes which ... which flew to her lips for a split of a second. It happened so fast that it might never happened at all but then he swallowed thickly and Clarke hold her breath. She looked at Bellamy and saw something glowing up in his eyes. Or maybe she just wished it did? Because he didn’t show any attention to kiss her, which she had been so sure of, and smiled instead. He let go of her hand and nodded.

  Clarke bit her bottom lip and tried not to feel too disappointed. He wasn’t about to kiss her. He was with Gina. It was just wishful thinking, right? She cleared her throat and let her eyes move along the porch. Her heart still beating loudly, while her mind went crazy, thinking about if he would have wanted to kiss her or not. When the thought of it became too much Clarke decided to break the new created silence by asking if everything was okay with him.

  Bellamy looked up, eyes a little wider than usually like she caught him at something forbidden. He licked his lips and took a deep breath before answering the question.

  “I, well I’m not sure.”

  Her heart stopped.

  “There, uhm, there is something I want to ask you, if it’s okay.”

  Her heart started beating faster. She nodded, not letting go of his nervous face. “Of course.” Her voice was a little edgy.

  Bellamy started fumbling at his pocket, while saying, “I have thought about this for quite some time now and I’m sure I want to but then again I am to afraid of asking because I’m not so sure at all and, well,” he pulled out a small box and Clarke’s heart stopped for good. It was a small casket. One, probably every woman dreamed of getting. The blood stopped rushing through her veins, she stiffened, eyes wide in shock. This couldn’t be ... this couldn’t be an engagement ring. Could it?

  He turned the box in his hands and looked at Clarke, nervous. Her heart raced like never before. Everything in her body got crazy. She didn’t know what to think. She was afraid of letting her head speak and even more afraid of what her heart had to say, so she just kept looking at Bellamy.

  “I, I want to ask Gina if she wants to marry me. Tonight.”

  She felt like she was falling into ice cold water. Her stomach clenched and her heart ached so hard that she thought she was having a stroke. Her fingers were shaking. Her face got blank, just like her mind.

  “Do you think it’s too early?”

  Tears threatened to blind her gaze but she couldn’t take it from Bellamy. It was hard to breathe, hard to live at all in this moment. The way he looked at her. Full of concern and so insecure if the timing was right. If he was right. He looked at her like he needed her to say that it was alright. Like these words would save him from drowning. It took Clarke longer than it should have to be able to breathe again, to say something that wasn’t a love confession. Because that was all she could think about right now. That she was in love with him and didn’t want him to marry Gina.

 Even though she knew that the next words would be important. The next words would seal the fate she chose. Either way she told him that she still loved him, hoping that there still was a part in him that felt the same or she kept her mouth shut and told him what a good friend, a best friend would say. That everything was right and that she has no doubt of Gina’s answer.

  Clarke’s eyes dropped to the little box in Bellamy’s hands. How badly she wished he would be asking her right now.

  She swallowed, forcing herself to help Bellamy fighting his doubts because she loved him. She loved him so much that she wanted him to be happy. She always hated such self sacrificing people. People who thought so little of their own luck and the worth of it, who put the happiness of the others above their own. But here she was, telling Bellamy what he needed to hear.

  “She loves you Bellamy” Just like her.

  “I have no doubts of Gina’s answer. You are a great guy Bellamy. You, gosh can’t you see how incredible you are? You are so sweet and kind and reliable. She loves you. So there is no ‘too early’ … only a too late.”

  Her heart broke at her last words. It was too late. Too late for them. Too late for her telling him how she felt. How much she wanted to be the woman by his side. Tears burned into her eyes, but she forced them away and put an encouraging smile on her lips.

  Bellamy’s jaw clenched. He kept looking at her like he wanted to make sure she meant what she just said. He started to nod and let his eyes drop towards the box in his hands. “Only a too late, huh?” He mumbled and something sad was in his voice. Like he was thinking about their past as well. Her heart skipped a couple of beats, her mind raced and she opened her mouth to tell him what she wanted to stay for so long, especially after seeing him looking like this. A little regretful.

  But Clarke bit her bottom lip. Her throat glued together so she couldn’t say anything. Anything but a “She loves you.”. Because it was the right thing to stay.

 She leaned forward then, giving him a soft kiss on his cheek. Eyes closed, throat dry and her heart broke apart the moment her lips left his skin. She smiled, feeling tears coming up and she decided to leave Bellamy alone. She went inside and straight into the bedroom she was sleeping in, before the feelings overcame her and she started to cry. She had made a call, letting Bellamy go for his own good, and now she had to live with it.

  ************************************************

  March 2016

 She had decided not to tell him then and she wouldn’t in hell tell him now. Even when her friend’s tried to convince her otherwise. Raven and Murphy looked at her in pity. Clarke swallowed hard and took a deep, shaky breath. Her heart was aching. Her hands sweaty. She could do this. She had to do this. Just a few more hours and everything would be done. Everything would go back to normal … except that it wouldn’t. It would never be the same. Ever again. She knew it but she had to tell herself that she was going to be okay. That they were going to be okay, otherwise she would break down. And if her friends kept looking at her like this she just might.

  “Clarke,” started Raven softly, but with so much pity that Clarke felt pathetic. Raven stepped closer, “You, you have to tell him.”

  The blonde shook her head. Holding up her hand to stop the brunette from talking and walking any further.

  “No. No I can’t. I… it’s too late. I’m not going to tell him on his wedding day Raven! I mean, I have no right to do so. I had my chance. I messed it up. He moved on. And as his friend I should be happy for him. He deserves to be happy.”

  “But-” started Murphy but Clarke cut him off too. “No John! I’m not going to ruin this day because I’m still in love with him. It’s too late. I am too late. I have to live with it.”

  Murphy chewed his bottom lip, like he wasn’t sure if he should keep his mouth shut or if he should say what he wanted to say.

  “Clarke … you, you should really go and talk to Bellamy.” Repeated Raven and Clarke shook her head once again.

  She swallowed thickly. Couldn’t they leave her alone? It was too late! It was, wasn’t it? Clarke took a deep breath. Or maybe it wasn’t? Why should they keep pushing her to talk to Bellamy? Did they know something that she didn’t? Something about Bellamy? Maybe he didn’t want to get married? Maybe he was waiting for her confession so they could run off? Maybe... no. No she had to stop!

 He loved Gina. She could tell by the way he was looking at her. By the way he talked about her. She knew because she had been this woman once. It felt like a lifetime away, but it didn’t prevent from hurting less. It sucked. But like she said, she had messed it up and had to live with what she’d done. She straighten her gaze, before telling her friends,

  “I won’t Raven. And neither will one of you, okay?”

  Murphy and Raven shared a questionable look.

 “Okay?” Asked Clarke again, more firmly. Arching her right brow, looking at her friends skeptically. They had to remain silent. Today and probably forever. After a while Murphy and Raven sighed resignedly and nodded. “Okay.”

  “Good.” Clarke took another deep breath, smoothing her dress once more before putting her face up high. “Then let's go to the ceremony.”

  **********************************************************

  Fifteen minutes later Clarke felt a thick lump inside her throat, tears burning in her eyes and it was getting harder and harder to breathe while Bellamy was giving his vow to Gina. She felt sick to her stomach and needed all her strength not to rush out of the church. It was harder than she ever thought it would be. Harder than she wanted to admit. Her teary eyes remained on her ex-boyfriend who was looking at his soon to be wife with so much love that it made her feel even worse. She was so jealous. She always wanted to be this woman in front of Bellamy. And not the one sitting in the first row. Clarke bit her bottom lip, trying to suppress a whimper.

  When she felt a warm and soft hand above her own she looked down and then to it’s owner. It was Murphy, who was squeezing it gently, comforting. He was trying to support her, taking away the pain. Her eyes flickered towards his face and he sent her a small encouraging smile. She swallowed, feeling the tears sticking in her eyes even more now before forcing herself looking back to the ceremony.

  She cried like most of the guests by the end of the ceremony. But for a whole different reason than the others.

  *************************************

Breathing was hard. Almost impossible. With every breath she took the stabbing feeling in her guts grew bigger and bigger. Clarke swallowed down the lump in her throat and her heart ached with every beat, while her eyes laid on the smiling bridal couple which was dancing between their guests. Happy and in love.

  It was more than ridiculous but Clarke thought she should be the woman in Bellamy’s arms right now. She should be dancing and laughing with him. Excited for their future. Of course Clarke knew that she had her chances. She could have told Bellamy about her feelings all those months ago and she always had decided to stay silent. It was the best for him. He always smiled when Gina was around, he was always so happy. She made him happy, not Clarke. And the blonde knew that it was totally wrong to keep holding onto their past but somehow she was too afraid to let go. Even though she knew it would be the best, for her and for the relationship with Bellamy. She had to move on and not keep thinking about what they used to have.

  And to show her how right she was about thinking letting him go or maybe just to score her off the fate changed the music into “used to” by daughtry.

  Her whole body tightened while the first lines of the song sank in.

  You used to talk to me like I was the only one around.

You used to lean on me then only other choice was falling down.

  They used to have everything and she messed it up. It was her fault and Clarke knew that but it didn’t make it any easier. It still hurt like hell. Her throat tightened and tears glittered in her eyes which she tried to hid with a smile when Bellamy caught her gaze. He was swinging Gina over the dance floor and looked at Clarke over his wife’s shoulder. His wife … Clarke wanted to puke. They both looked at each other and it never felt more wrong. His lips curled into a smile, a generous one.

 One that always had made her heart jump high out of joy. But not this time. This time her heart got broken. The blood pulsed loudly through her veins. Every beat of her broken heart was louder than the one before. Clarke swallowed and tried to keep up her smile. She really tried to hide her feelings, all her sadness and regret but when Bellamy’s smile changed, just about an inch, into a sad one, she knew that she failed. That Bellamy still knew her and that he probably always would. No matter how hard she tried to trick him … and herself.

  She broke the contact when his gaze and the feelings inside her got too heavy. Also Murphy caught her attention by plumping into the seat right next to her, which she was secretly grateful for.

  He looked exhausted and grabbed the beer glass on the table. Clarke chuckled when he didn’t stop to gulp down the golden liquid. When he did, he breathed out heavily and looked at her.

  “So you still can smile.”

  Clarke stayed slient and Murphy sighed, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t say you have to stop.”

  Clarke chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes flickering over the couple of the day. She saw how Murphy followed her gaze and sighed once more.

  “Would you like to dance?”

  “No, not really,” mumbled Clarke and took her eyes off of Bellamy who was holding Gina in his arm now while chatting with Miller and Monty.

  John moved the chair a little closer, putting one hand on the back of Clarke’s seat and leaning on his other arm on the table. He eyed her for a moment, intensively.

  “I think you should dance Clarke.” His eyes flew over to Bellamy and then back at her. Again she shook her head.

  “I’m not in the mood John.” Her voice was quiet and she wished he would just leave her alone. Of course she appreciated his offer, the try to change her thoughts into something better but right now all she wanted was to be alone. Suffer in her pathetic self-pity a little longer. But Murphy wouldn’t be Murphy if he would just give up, so he pushed further.

  “Come on Clarke. You can’t just sit here all night and torture yourself by stalking them all the time.”

  “I am not stalking them,” hissed Clarke with such a force that made Murphy smile.

  She knew that Murphy was right. That she was just torturing herself with sitting here and not doing anything but watching. She looked at the bridal couple once more before breathing out heavily.

  “But you are right.” She pushed the chair back. Murphy frowned, surprised by the power his words seemed to of had on her.

  “I, I think I should go.”

  He let his head hang, sighed and rubbed his eyes. “This was not what I meant Clarke.”

  “No, no I know it wasn’t, but” she swallowed, “but I”, she swallowed again, “I just don’t want to be here any longer.”

  John looked at her closely, studying her, before breathing through his nose and nodding.

  “Okay, then let's get you home.”

  “You don’t have to Bellamy. I -”

 She stopped immediately, realizing how she just called Murphy. Sorrow was in his eyes and he opened his mouth but Clarke corrected herself quickly. Her heart pounding painfully.

 “John.”

 She sighed and swallowed. She had called him Bellamy internally because he always had been the one who brought her home. He always had been the one who let go of everything and made sure she would come home safely.

  “You don’t have to John.” Tears pooled in her eyes, still thinking about Bellamy who always had been so protective and sweet at the same time.

  “I can go home by myself.” She put her hand over his one on the table and smiled thankfully. “But thanks.”

  “I know you can. But we both know that Bellamy would kill me if I would let you.” He grinned playfully and Clarke smiled quietly and tears shined in her eyes once again. Her heart clenched, while she mumbled her return,

  “I wish he would.”

 Her voice was heavy and the knot in the back of her throat grew bigger. She wished it would be like that. That it was the truth, because it would mean that she still was Bellamy’s everything. The one he cared about the most, besides Octavia. It would mean that everything was how it should be, like she wished it was. But a glance over to her former boyfriend showed her that no matter how hard she wished for it, it would never happen. That someone else had taken this place instead. That Gina was his wife, not her.

  Murphy’s little chuckle snapped her out of her thoughts.

  “Yeah … me too Clarke. Me too.”

  It sounded amused, but also sad and pitiful. His laugh faded and turned into an encouraging smile. Then they walked towards Bellamy and Gina to say goodbye.

  Clarke told herself to hide her feelings and tears, when she straightened herself up and put on a sweet smile as they reached them at the bar.

  “Hey,” smiled Gina and Clarke knew she had to make it quick, otherwise she would start to cry. And that really was the last thing she wanted to do right now.

  “Hi,” returned Clarke and avoided looking at Bellamy when she said it,

  “Uhm, it was a really nice party but unfortunately I have to go.”

  “Oh no,” complained Gina and looked at the clock on the wall, “It’s just half past twelve. We haven’t gotten the cake yet.”

  Clarke swallowed. She had to keep holding on to the masquerade. Out of the corner of her eyes Clarke saw Bellamy shifting. She ignored him.

 “Yeah, I know and I am really sorry, but I just got a message that there will be an unexpected surgery tomorrow where I can assist, so I think it’s better for me to quit drinking and head home for some sleep.”

  It was a lie. A pure lie and when Gina pulled her into a hug to say goodbye, Clarke saw into Bellamy’s eyes that he didn’t believe her. That he knew she was lying. She could tell by the way his jaw clenched and his gaze hardened. And her looking sorry and regretfully at him didn’t help convincing him otherwise.

 But he didn’t say anything. He just swallowed and Clarke tried to take her eyes off of him but she couldn’t. They kept glaring at each other intensively until Gina ended the hug and made Clarke smile at her. The numb feeling in her gut grew bigger when she saw the honest and generous smile of the brunette.

  “Thank you for coming.”

  “You’re welcome.” Clarke tried to mirror her smile but failed. Her heart clenched, she felt so bad for feeling so jealous of Gina who was the nicest person she could imagine for Bellamy to be with. Guilt boiled inside her, so she moved on to say goodbye to the groom, which was the real torture.

  Her heart beat so fast that it was about to explode. Everything was different now. Nothing was the same anymore. He was married now. He had moved on and she? She was still the pathetic young girl who was still in love with her former boyfriend. Who hadn’t been brave enough to talk to him about her feelings. Her throat was dry and glued together. It was hard to breathe and every fiber of her body was screaming. Her skin was on fire and she felt like bursting into tears within the next two seconds.

  But she couldn’t show him. She couldn’t let it happen. Clarke wasn’t allowed to break down in front of them. She needed to stay strong like she had been in the past. So the blonde forced her lips into a smile and spread her arms so she could say goodbye to the man in front of her.

  “Thank you for the invite.” She said and hoped that her voice sounded steadier than she felt. When she put her arms around Bellamy it felt so unreal, so feigned. It felt wrong, like it wasn’t them. Like they were two different people, people who didn’t know each other at all.

  And yet it felt so good to be in his arms. Having him so close, breathing in his familiar scent and feeling his heat through her clothes, his breath on her skin. It felt like home.

  It took all her willpower not to snuggle into him. Not pulling him closer or to cry into his chest.

  “Well, thanks for coming,” retorted Bellamy and her heart skipped a beat when she felt his arms wrapping themselves closer around her. He pulled her closer, just for a second and only for her to see (and to feel). One second. He squeezed her, like he wanted to tell her something. Something he couldn’t voice. She was about to melting into his arms when he pulled back, letting her go. Clarke had to resist the urge of pulling him back again. She missed his warmth already.

  They both looked into each others eyes when they pulled apart and this time her smile was small, but it was real. Just like his and a shiver ran down her spine because if they would still be together this would have been the moment he pulled away a strand of her hair and gave her a soft kiss.

  The sudden memory made her eyes teary again. She blinked and was forced out of the moment by Murphy’s subtly coughing. Clarke blushed and looked away while Murphy said goodbye to Bellamy as well.

  “You too?”

  “Yeah. I’m getting her home. It’s on my way anyway.”

 No it wasn't and they all knew.

  Bellamy gazed towards Clarke for a brief moment, like he wanted to make sure she knew about this. Then he nodded.

  “Okay. Get her home safe.” He looked at Murphy seriously, almost threatening. But John didn’t seem to be impressed by this gaze. Maybe he had seen it way too often. His eyebrows just scooted up for a brief moment before saying “I will” and turning towards Clarke, ready to go.

  The blonde wished she could stay. She wished that she could go home with Bellamy but she couldn’t. Never again. So once more she put on a fake smile (one Bellamy probably could look through).

  “Okay, so … have a good night and I’ll see you.”

  Bellamy and her exchanged a quick last glance, then her eyes fell towards Gina whose eyes went from Bellamy to her, an indescribable gaze in it, and Clarke felt even worse now. She swallowed and smiled at Gina once more who forced herself smiling back. Suddenly Clarke couldn’t leave fast enough. Her whole body was tensed and it wasn’t until Murphy and her were in the taxi when she broke into tears, sobbing into her friend’s shoulder.

  This night was the worst night she ever had in her entire life, that’s for sure. 

Three months later Clarke met Lexa Woods and suddenly things didn’t seem so bad anymore.

[doozerror]

But when that person literally made me kill my lover, left me and my remaining family and a few close friends to die, kidnapped me and held me hostage - I wouldn't ever love them!

Blarke Broken Record Lexa Hate volume #61

And yet... you all expect Bellarke to be a thing even though hes done the same repetitive shit over 4 SEASONS with even worse motivations.   Jesus Christ, How are you all clinging to this nonsense still?  HOW are you not seeing the hypocrisy in your own ship when making dumbarsed claims like that to demonize the lesbian that threatens your precious “unhealthy M/F trumps respectful F/F” trope “relationship”. Did you all seriously miss:      --Bellamy handcuffing clarke in S3 and dragging her to pikes cells/audience against her will where she would more than likely face obvious judgment, interrogation, and imprisonment for her support of the grounders and collusion with Commander Lexa - the leader of them all.       -- Clarke had bellamy drugged in S4, dragged into a bunker, held via handcuffs at gunpoint against his will (while his sister was condemned to death outside), and when he escaped got shot at by Clarke because he was endangering what mattered most to clarke which is and always has been the survival of her people and she was threatening what mattered (at this point in time) the most to him, his sister - such a constant and healthy respect to what matters to each other; especially after four seasons of “development” eh?  They still dont really care or understand each other on a personal level to go out of their way to respect each others feelings when making leadership decisions. They never go beyond the usefulness of a work camaraderie that frequently in itself doesnt make any sense due to the repeated breaking of trust between the two.   -- Bellamy goes out to get the water device in S4 to save 500+ people with the end of the world fast approaching, but idiotically chooses 25 over that 500 (25 that are going to die anyways, without that water device) - then lets clarkes make the list while he snoozes;  A heavily reduced number he was a direct cause of and dumps the now even more difficult list of responsibility on her, while also forcing her name on the list and never questioning if his should be on there - he shouldve crossed his own out - hes not a good leader, and he has no valuable skillset beyond idiotically murdering people.  Dont get me started on clarke putting bellamys name on there after all the lives he’s ended that WOULDNT make it onto that list because of yet another one of his dumb decisions clarke just lets go.  Seriously, clarke is an unhealthy enabler of bellamys problems - hes not learning because shes there to do it all (and take all the shit it develops) for him while he sits and stagnates in problematic territory with his pathetic angst and blames others for his problems, like clarke and octavia.  Like a parent doing her kids homework, or never addressing her own kids bullying of other students and instead just praises him with no discipline.  Now give that kid a gun.  Now imagine that kid is 7-8 years older than you.  Yeah, fucking stupid.    -- Bellamy condemns Lincoln in S3 and his fellow grounders and allies (INCLUDING ENDANGERING KANE, MILLER, SINCLAIR, OCTAVIA, AND ABBY - as well as the whole of Arkadia, CLARKES FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND CLARKE HERSELF) to a jail cell and execution while also being denied basic medical care, threatens and disrespects his own sisters choices to associate with and also be a grounder; bell rather sides with a man who has no qualms in killing such folk and their supporters.  WHere in the hell does bellamy think this road is gonna go?  How stupid can you be?  Basically ignores clarkes power of influence in polis to keep an eye on lexa and does his own recklessly shortsighted and dangerously over emotional shit within his own ignorant bubble - shit that could've very likely put clarkes and HIS PEOPLE’S lives in a whole lot of danger.     -- Bellamys whole “DEATH TO THE GROUNDERS!” alongside pikes regime of shortsighted xenophobic prattle basically led to the buildup and uprising in polis that got lexa CLARKES LOVER killed (yes titus shot the gun, but WHY was he so nervous to begin with, what pushed him into that extreme? Arkadia’s xenophobia and grounder slaughter, correct!) - not to mention the whole descending into chaos because lexa wasnt there to play mediator with the well respected commander chip.      --  Lets go back to season 1, when the ship started to build iteself - where bellamy condemned the ark to cover up his cowardice of facing justice for shooting Jaha, he was willing to let AN ENTIRE ARK die INCLUDING CLARKES MOM, to save his own ass.  But yes, lexa is the evil one - got it. (This is just a small handful, i can find more if you still dont see how irrational youre being in regards to this spite for C/Lexa on this level.) And yet...with ALL THAT SELFISH SHIT surrounding both characters OVER 4 SEASONS (no development really, how dumb is that!?), ALL OF THESE MATCH THE CRITERIA TO A GREATER (if not repeated) EXTREME IN WHICH YOU DESPISE LEXA - Be||arke still seems to be strongly supported by you hypocritical lot while lexa gets shit on. Crazy... At least lexa had Clarke’s interests in mind (her peoples survival, clarkes mental health and importance of her survival for arkadia\grounder relations, and her own peoples adjustments to coexist with skaikru - if ice nation got their hands on clarke, its a safe bet skaikru AND clarke, as well as her mission for peace were all royally screwed) when she “Kidnapped” her (clarkes presence was necessary for a bigger purpose; one lexa knew she would care about at her core, also clarke was being self destructive - lexa cared for clarke, can you sit and watch someone you care about self destruct without intervention?  Communication is necessary for either party to address problems before moving forward.)  and “held her hostage” (yes, holding her in a lavish guest bedroom with free reign of the grounds temporarily until her own people got there to take her home so ice nation wouldn't have the opportunity to kill her was totally monstrous, EVIL!!) and then so obviously devolved into this weird stockholms syndrome bullshit you all cling to without any real understanding of the condition or evidence of it in the show to base it on.  NONE of that has been supported by writers, showrunner, or actresses.  Seriously, go find your common sense guys - you seemed to have dropped it in your senseless hardcore shipping of a heavily problematic to downright abusive crackship that Jroth has been spending 4 seasons hopelessly butchering to horribly railroaded and nonsensical extremes. And lexa didnt force clarke to kill Finn, that was entirely finns doing - Clarke chose to mercy kill because face it, there was no other way out of the situation for him.  Dont erase finns deeds and pin it on the lesbian who was as much a victim of the circumstances HE put into motion with needless slaughter.  He captured and murdered innocent people without provocation, raided their village; a crime he stepped forward to face their justice for to not only atone but also ensure an alliance could exist between the two peoples - something finn had attempted back in s1 before suffering a nonsensical jroth 180 for shock value.  They have a 100 yr old culture based on “blood must have blood” - you saw what happened when lexa decided to change that, what did her people do? Titus was reflection of the anger, betrayal, and scorn of the grounder population.  And what happened to Lexa?  Yeah thats exactly why you dont rush big changes like that into an entire friggan culture.  It HAS to be gradual so an understanding can be grasped.  Something lexa was attempting to do, as we saw when instead of annihilating the ark decided only to barricade until a prisoner bargain could be reached, but then got rushed because she “Had to die” for nonsensical shock value.  Lincoln himself told you all WHY she couldnt just let finn live, but like always youre all willing to ignore large chunks of the show to demonize the lesbian that threatens your ship.  Your motivations are so disgustingly shallow its pathetic...

But yeah, sure, Lexa was the despicably evil one.  No wonder youre the only fanbase left watching jroths garbage.  No brain needed for the shit he peddles out these days due to how nonsensical and inconsistent it all is so you can hope that bellamy will one day force himself onto clarke.  All the racist undertones, the colonist narrative, all those offensive creative decisions you berate the clexas for supporting but then continue supporting the show itself that perpetuates them...  Lets face it, Thats really what this show is all about to you lot, right?  Bellamy giving clarke what the stupid bitch deserves right? Nothing more. His dick and repeat abuses that clarke should condone and cater endlessly to in this heavily one sided ship of douchebaggery.  So romantic.  Shits not even healthy on a platonic level... but yeah sure, the 1oo is all about bellamy and clarke.. its too bad its turned into poorly written shit to prop up bellamy while turning clarke into a meek subservient woman catering to his mass murdering shitstorm causing feelings...

[nataliecrown]

The 100 4x10 - YASSSSS

Season 4 cannot be saved, but it can be salvaged. 4x10 is exactly what we need, for ALL of the remaining episodes.

I’m excited again, for the first time – honestly – since the DRAMATIC ROMANCE STARE in 4x05 (yes, I loved the stuff in 4x06 but I was feeling too twitchy about the show in general to get the full buzz). That’s not to say that the problems with this season get wiped away. There were issues that lingered here, and those issues will remain. But enough good work was done in this episode to make me willing to look past the problems, if the final steps of this season follow suit.

I’m not re-watching (blessedly, because I don’t have time and not because I don’t care) so please excuse this messy summary of my full thoughts.

 -          The greatest thing about this episode is the salvation of Octavia. And here is the first example of us having to look past prior issues to accept what we got here. Some of us won’t be able to do that, for good or bad. But I can, and WOW this episode was killer. Firstly, the writers didn’t try and pass Octavia off as a badass warrior that could hold her own. Everybody knew she didn’t have a chance to win. Everybody (including Clarke, yo yo). Octavia knew. She was trying to act brave, but you could still see her fear.

-          The person that believed in her? The person that gave her a way to survive? BELLAMY. And he did it referencing her upbringing and HOW POWERFUL WAS THAT. The Octavia of old meshed with the Octavia of new. Bellamy’s Octavia meshed with Lincoln’s Octavia. Bellamy not being able to tell her he loved her, Octavia saying may we meet again. IT WAS ALL SO TAUT AND HESITANT. There was so much left unsaid because so much has gone down.

-          And then not only is Octavia reminded of her brother’s love for her, but Kane hugs her. And then Indra!!!! Despite Indra having her own man in the fight, Indra presents Octavia with her sword – once rejected by the daughter of her blood, now accepted by her adopted daughter. I WAS CRYING DUDES. CRYING. And the cracks start to form…

-          Octavia’s relationship with Illian has been…odd, to say the least. His death made me sad because Chai is great, and Marie killed it, but I’m not particularly put out to see him go (he’s a guest star who’s characters purpose was entirely tied to a main – he was given a full bodied arc and the cast needed to be trimmed) but Illian saving her took those cracks that had formed and forced them wider. It’s obvious that Illian was a Lincoln substitute in a lot of ways to Octavia. Her grief was very much for this boy that had – for whatever reasons – decided to fall for a murder kitten, but it was also wrapped up in Lincoln and it felt so earned that she got to give Illian a good death (all of the Lincoln mentions and references were ON POINT)

-          And then we get Bellamy stepping out to save Octavia, and GUYS. BELLAMY HAD BITE AGAIN IN THIS EPISODE. ACTUAL BITE? CAN YOU BELIEVE????????

-          BITE

-          First, he stands up to Kane and Kane relents because YES.

-          THEN HE FINALLY GETS TO ACTUALLY BE FURIOUS WITH ECHO

-          (One of the small flaws with this episode is a perfect example of how this season does not track. What was the point in Echo’s epiphany earlier in the season, if she was just going to shoot O now? SHE DIDN’T EVEN HESITATE! The plot should serve character, and not the other way round dammit!)

-          Bellamy was gonna kill her, and honestly – he earned it.

-          Still, I felt for Echo when she got banished. I certainly get the sense that she was almost…crafted by Nia, and I can buy that it’s hard for her to let go of those instincts. I can’t very well defend Clarke’s choices to save her people, and then shit on Echo for trying to save hers, right? I’m intrigued as to where she goes from here. Logic points to some sort of death protecting a Blake, OR maybe she gets a full arc in S5. We’ll see…

-          Then we get the GORGEOUS Blake scene with Roan. It was just…so wonderfully acted, and so perfectly on point for all the characters. Roan and Bellamy have always antagonised each other, but there’s a healthy respect between them at this point. And then of course there’s Octavia’s face when she hears Bellamy speak. I’m wary of making connections this season, due to the lack of consistency from ep to ep, but it took me back to 4x06 and my thoughts after Octavia rejecting him utterly. I said then that I felt her rejection had as much to do with her hating and blaming herself, as it did with her hating and blaming him. And I felt that again here. It’s like…despite everything, Octavia didn’t believe that Bellamy could still love her or have faith in her after everything that had happened. But he does, and he always will.

-          Roan is another character that has suffered this season (honestly, the large majority have) as a tool to the plot. We aren’t completely free of this at the start of the episode, and I’m still frustrated by it. This is a guy that knew Ontari was a fake Commander and was prepared to roll with it, and he’s only now getting all shitty about religion and culture? Hmmm. I suspect the writers felt the scene with Clarke was necessary to show her trying one last time to save everyone, but they could have handled it better. Maybe just show her trying to reach him, but Gaia intervenes or something? HOWEVER, I’m willing to look past this scene because everything else with Roan was wonderful.

-          As with Bellamy, Roan has a shit ton of respect for Octavia. That’s evident from the start, and it has a profound impact on Octavia when he offers the truce. This is a girl that has felt incredibly alone since Lincoln died, but now – as she faces death – people are queuing up to love and support her. Yes, we as viewers know those people have been there all along. But Octavia? Grief, trauma, pain distorts your view. She hasn’t been able to see through that.

-          ROAN GETS TO BE A BADASS EVEN IN DEATH (although I maintain that until Zach tweets his goodbyes HE’S ALIVE DAMMIT). Him melon crushing Trikru man was wicked good. His fight with Luna was gloriously done. The twist of the black rain coming in, removing Octavia from the equation, was a great way to have him lose. But YIKES LUNA, what a way to murder someone. It just looked GREAT.

-          QUICK NOTE: Gaia’s reaction to Trikru losing out, and her hugging Indra ALSO MADE ME WEEP.

-          If (IF DAMMIT) this is Roan’s end, then at least it’s a good one. They could have gotten more out of him this season, but I’ve enjoyed him since 3x02 and Zach was a great addition to the show.

-          So, let’s talk about Luna. I felt her turn to darkness was abrupt, and that one scene in an episode prior would have made it track better. But I also kinda loved this as her ultimate endgame? This was Luna at her most interesting, honestly. So yeah, if we’d gotten one extra scene hinting at this it would have been perfect. Nadia rocks a bad girl, like whoa. And again, kudos to the writers for doing the right thing. There is no way that Octavia would beat Luna in a fight. Having her fight dirty was the best and only way.

-          MAJOR YIKES AT OCTAVIA’S LAST WORDS TO LUNA THOUGH. WAY HARSH.

-          So then we get to Octavia returning to the throne room, and whooooooooooooa.

-          SO last week we all breathed a sigh of relief that Clarke was NOT going to become Commander, but now it very much looks like Octavia is going to become some sort of leader of a ‘one’ kru. I’ll reserve judgement on that until I see how it forms, but one thing I do want to mention is the respect that an abundance of grounder characters have for Octavia. Wanheda has been feared and revered, but has always been apart. Octavia has embraced grounder culture since day one. When Clarke tried to take the flame, she disregarded grounder beliefs. Octavia wouldn’t do that. THAT is why when Octavia suggests sharing the bunker they all accept it. Octavia took on the conclave, won, and they respect that.

-          KANE WAS SO PROUD

-          INDRA WAS SO PROUD

-          I WEPT SOME MORE

-          And then I wept a bit harder when she ASKED FOR HER BROTHER.

-          SHE WANTED TO SEE HIM

-          SHE WANTED TO HUG HIM DAMMIT

-          Now, I’ve already expressed why Clarke’s choice legit does not bother me one iota and I’m just gonna link to that here because I’m lazy.

-          My one gripe with this scene and the setup is that Clarke’s choice happened off screen, and was used as a twist. BUT I am putting major faith in 4x11 to delve deep into her choice and her headspace so it’s not a major thing YET.

-          Also, NOTE BELLAMY’S BITE.

-          I’m gonna close by doing something that I generally avoid doing, because I hate raising expectations…but…my friends…my immediate Bellarke reaction after this episode and ESPECIALLY AFTER SEEING THE NEXT EPS PROMO WAS EXCITEMENT.

-          That bunker will be open by the end of the episode, and I can’t imagine that anything other than Bellamy getting through to Clarke will be the reason it does.

-          Could there still be angst right up until the end of the season? Sure! But not necessarily.

-          So my fun times scenario is below the cut, and you can play with it if you’re unable to see any light at the end of the tunnel (DISCLAIMER: YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PREPARE FOR THE WORST, THIS IS NOT ME PROMISING THAT THIS WILL HAPPEN).

-          Clarke points that gun at Bellamy, they have an epic confrontation that ends with him walking right on up to her until the gun presses into his chest. He just stares at her. Both of them are crying. They don’t speak. She drops the gun, covers her face with her hands. He reaches for her, but she flinches away. She’s certain this will end badly, that they’ll open the bunker and it will be a massacre…but she couldn’t do it. She can’t lose Bellamy.

-          Only, when they open the bunker…they are met with peace. Octavia has managed to keep things in check, and negotiations begin. Clarke slinks off. It’s around this time that Murphy returns, and Clarke learns about Murphy’s choice. She apologises to Abby, offering up a silent goodbye. Then she comes to Bellamy, and as soon as she walks away he knows what she’s doing. Bellamy goes to Octavia, and explains that Clarke is going to leave. She never wanted to take a place in the bunker for herself, and she can’t do it now – especially now. And Octavia? She tells Bellamy to go with Clarke, because she knows he wants to. ‘I’ll be safe in the bunker. You’ll be safe with Clarke.’ He says ‘May we meet again.’ She says ‘You’re damn right we will.’

-          Clarke is outside now. Murphy is with her, as is Emori (she never wanted to go into a bunker with all those people anyway), Miller too perhaps. And they’re going to get Raven.

-          Then they hear ‘Clarke.’ And Bellamy is there. He walks up to her, and simply says ‘let’s go.’ And the camera watches them march out of Polis in a direct parallel to 4x01. Off to retrieve Raven freaking Reyes. Off to find a way to ride out the radiation. Together.

-          THE YOUTH INHERIT THE EARTH.

-           The final two episodes are delinquent squad vs. praim....fyre? faia? FIRE.

[blyedeeks]

Please help me stop imagining a reunion where Bellamy thinks he has moved on because he thought she was dead all those years. I need your positivity.

Alright, here I come!

I don’t think you’ll like my answer right away, but i need you to hear it (and everyone reading this) but please don’t quit until the end okay? pinky promise?

Yes, there’s a high possibility Bellamy will end up getting together with someone else on the ark during those 6 years, IMO. I don’t know who if Raven or Echo, the interviews make me think Echo but episode makes me think Raven is possible.

BUT, that’s not all “random” there’s a reason I think that and hopefully I can explain in a good way.

So let’s start by the beginning.

1- The writers wanted a time jump.

All this time i’ve been thinking why so many plots are happening and now everything is clear. They wanted to “reboot” the story. Clarke is a grounder, the delinquents are skyppl,the criminals are the delinquents and so it goes. Their entire goal was to get to this time jump. And this was unrelated to bellarke or any other ship, this is what they needed for the plot.

2- Having decided on a time jump......... Bellamy and Clarke could not be together on it.

And this is the best news any of us could ever wish for. This is why when i first heard script spoilers of their possible separation + time jump I was like...... yeah of course. Yes.... they have to do it.

If Bellamy and Clarke’s relationship wasn’t important/ vital (and/or on its finale stage) the writers wouldn’t mind making us miss 6 years worth of development out of them.

Cause that’s what the time jump is for whoever was stuck together for it. We are simply not going to see how all of these relationships will develop on our screens, we’ll get to season 5 and all the changes would have been done. 

Now picture if Bellamy and Clarke had been together 6 years on the ark.... all alone.. i mean, are we really thinking they wouldn’t go full romance there or-? Even worse, what if “they didn’t” and then season 5 began and we find out bellamy and clarke had been stuck together for flipping 6 years and they still didn’t go nonplatonic????

That’ s DEATH my friend. Both options are death. Shipping something for so long, watching it develop in front of your eyes just to miss the most romantic part of it would be beyond terrible.... finding out they did nothing about their feelings - and beginning to doubt they ever exist - is even worse.

So, given the fact that they needed and wanted a time jump, a bellarke separation was inevitable.

You can see that all the “super key” relationships on the show were apart on this time jump btw? Clarke - Abby, Bellamy - Octavia and Bellamy - Clarke.

This is not to say all other relationships aren’t imporant, HECK STOP, it’s just that for those relationships that get more focus, but MAINLY Bellarke - AS ADMITED BY JASON ROTHENBERG HIMSELF as the most important relationship of the show - here :x and x; - The story depends on Bellarke, one thing doesn’t go without the other. On some level, it’s always about them. So when the story pauses, so do they, cause the writers will show to us where they are going every freaking step of the way- didn’t they do it after season 1? after season 2?? even more now! They won’t let us miss 6 years of their relationships, no way. 

Unless their relationship has already developed to its full potential...........

which now you’re asking me what I mean cause Clarke is calling Bellamy for 6 years on a row now and Bellamy main drive to fight for their lives was not letting her die in vain-

yeah, yeah I’m talking about romance.

Cause there is NO WHERE ELSE this story can possibly go. I mean, how the heck will they make Bellamy and Clarke CLOSER still under the platonic realms? Cause lemme tell you, seems pretty impossible to me.

So, again, to me, the separation is a sign this shiz ain’t platonic, they know it, or they’d just let them be together on earth as the “new grounders” and then, since they ain’t romantic, we wouldn’t miss much in 6 years? They’d still be co-leaders, best friends, who die and kill for each other, trust each other with their lives and broken pieces, are each others’ rocks, weaknesses, sanity -all that jazz.

(feel me?) Bellarke is coming)

3- We are watching a drama

And this is where the bad news come. The thing about good story telling is that... writers want to make people watch. And that doesn’t always mean they’ll pull us in by our “good” feelings. Sometimes they want the angst, sometimes they want the anger. They just want us here, feeling like we NEED to see what happens

(well...don’t we right now? So good job the 100 writers)

That being said, i think there are.... 3 ways in which this story can go. 

1- Bellamy for real believes Clarke is dead, he mourns for a long time and then people convince him to live again. And then he does. 

But then he finds out she’s alive and it’s chaos for his new relationship. Cause, lemme say it again, no matter where they stand, Bellamy and Clarke are the mains and so is their relationship. Wherever they go, their interactions are the most important ones. That being said, imagine Bellamy trying to have a relationship with someone but then something happens with Clarke and he worries, or he gets into a real intense argument with Clarke and feels are exposed, or everything they do really brings them back to who they were and this new person is there to watch.

You don’t need to imagine THAT hard, just remember how Finn and Clarke’s relationship started being....a bit more tense after Clarke started getting closer to Bellamy (1x09 hello). Imagine that upped by a million cause that was then and this is now, where Clarke risks the human race for Bellamy and Bellamy risks losing life and limb to save her.

2- Bellamy thinks Clarke is dead but something inside him tells him she’s not so he holds on to that.

I actually see it happening too. Cause I think it’s a very natural reaction? Like he would only believe it if he was down on earth and saw it.

There’s not much to comment there, they’d see each other and the story would go from there. No need to worry about relationships (but i feel like for sure the writers would imply something almost happened with Bellamy and  ~anyone ~cause again, it’s a CW show....any show really, it’s 6 YEARS)

3- Bellamy, believing or not Clarke is dead, doesn’t actually gets into a relationship with anyone but he’s ALMOST AT IT- and then he finds out Clarke is alive.

That’s a way to avoid... idk love triangle tropes i don’t like (and the writers say they don’t either). He’d find Clarke back and well....sooner or later the other person involved would end up telling Bellamy he had always loved clarke or some less cheesy version of that.

And finally, most love stories that involve time gaps at least at some point (e.g: the notebook, veronica mars, dawson’s creek, once upon a time on several occasions haha) DO involve one of the sides - or both - “falling” (ahem being ahem) with someone else. Mostly because it creates angst, it feels more real (can’t argue there?) and ultimately it shows some connections are stronger than others and the two characters that were originally separated really were meant to be, and their” love overcomes” and all that shiz.

So if you’re worried Bellamy will move on, be worried it will mostly piss us off, but not about Bellarke (i don’t see a reason for that with the PLOT info we have at the moment - in my opinion), cause they are the “epic love story” (*fightmee*) being separated here, so the story is about them.

here is a text post that isn’t exactly about that but amazing to cheer anyone up about the time jump:http://bellamyblakesprotectionsquad2k17.tumblr.com/post/161043775714/because-i-know-some-of-yall-will-need-hope-right

HOPE I HELPED!!! REALLY

[thenerdyunhealthybrit]

100% Clexas are pretending to ship Becho. Even though they hate Bellamy's & think he's an awful person. Even though they've "stopped" watching. We know why they're doing it. It's funny because they laugh at the thought of Bellarke happening & say we're delusional yet they're clearly threatened by it. It doesn't matter about polls & all that. The writers were going to make Becho happen anyway, it has nothing to do with CLs. It doesn't bother me since Bellamy thinks Clarke is dead.

Yeah agree I with you Anon, normally I’d be upset but because of the context that Becho is happening (Bellamy thinking Clarke is dead, they are stuck in Space, Echo is an outsider, Bellamy has a big heart), I can see him trying to make Echo feel wanted in the group and Echo changes to a point that they start dating, but clearly it’s going to be an obstacle between Bellarke, JR has spent all this time since S1 developing a good, compelling partnership between the leads. There has been times when he’s closer to Clarke over his sister but I do feel bad for the fans of Echo and the true Becho fans because while I’m not a huge fan of Echo, I do think that she is an interesting character and I think Echo and the actress both deserve better than being stuck in a love triangle or a love interest. My fear is that all Echo will do in S5 is be Bellamy’s girlfriend and show jealousy at Clarke and Bellarke. It will be interesting to see how Echo changes from her time in space, but I think it will be even more interesting to see her struggle with being back on the ground. Is she still a grounder? Will there be a battle between the old Echo and the new?

I just think it’s sad that some are fake shipping it because they are insecure of another ship happening. I hate Steroline in TVD, doesn’t mean that I start fake shipping Calaric just because a ship I hate was happening (For the record Calaric is also gross). A lots CLs don’t even tweet about Becho where there are probably some actual genuine Becho fans and I think they don’t deserve the fake shippers, especially since some of those fake shippers have tweeted negative things, abusive things and even racist things about Bellamy and Bob.

I think it’s obvious for the purpose of drama, Bellamy will likely be coming back in a relationship with someone and it makes the most sense for it to be Echo,

But I think since everyone is expecting Bellamy to be in a relationship - because that is kind how TV Drama and the CW work, I’d be more shocked if Bellamy stayed single.

Anyway, I’ve gone off the point. I do hate this wave of fake shipping where people feel so threatened that they ship a different that avoids their rival ship from happening and the worse thing is how they promote it because it comes off as disingenuous and inaccurate of a show’s fanbase. Honestly with CLs it does feel even worse because many of them are only really Lexa stans (I’ve seen polls with Clarke vs Lexa and Lexa wins) and even though Clarke is Bi, they hate on pretty much every ship that involves a man, because to them Bi means woman or no sex. They insist that Clarke can only be with a woman.

It’s like Olicity stans with Dinah, many fake stan her so the writers will hear them and not the fans of Laurel but if Dinah starting showing a romantic interest in Oliver, they would turn on Dinah in a heartbeat. Also it’s hard to see them as real stans when their photos are Olicitiy/Felicity and have Olicity or Smoak in their name.

I think the huge problem with the fake shipping situation in The 100′s fandom is that CLs are very loud and some are very obnoxious (I’ve received death threats from them in the past on twitter) and therefore they can make the writers think Becho are very popular with the viewers when it might not be. But I do think that JR has a vision and tries to stick with it as much as possible unless certain things bomb or things become popular (like Finn, I’m 70% sure he was killed off because not many people liked him, he was the least popular male cast member (maybe second, before Jaha) and he was kind of the male lead in the first half of S1).

But JR has stressed how important Bellarke is whether romantic or platonic, so they aren’t going anywhere and that’s why CLs and antis are suddenly pressed especially since their attempt to get the show cancelled in S4 failed and the longer it goes the more chance of Bellarke. But Bellarkers have got to remember that there build up will be great, 4x13 was a treat for us. I imagine it will be the same but with background angst because what we have to remember is that JR will not put the love triangle at the forefront, especially as Clarke’s priority is Madi and no one liked the Clarke/Finn/Raven triangle.

Sorry, that this post was long, I get deadass passionate about TV shows and fandoms.

[noulaikkwelnes-blog]

LIST OF RP FAVORITES AND LEAST FAVORITES !  / repost, do not reblog.

tagged by: @everyturnanycost

tagging: WHOEVER WANTS TO it’s 4 am forgive me

FIRST NAME:  morgan FAVORITE FCS TO PLAY:  i really don’t have fc favorites????? more character favorites tbh ( and i haven’t rped an oc in FOREVER so ) FAVORITE SHIP YOU’VE EVER HAD:  DEFINITELY THE SHIP THAT MADE ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND MEET ( hi.ccup from ht.tyd/her faerie oc ). but also my friend and i shipped pe.eta mell.ark and anna.beth chase YEARS ago and that was super fucking fun. for clarke ship specifically, mine and @slayxdemons‘ bellarke threads are honestly favorites and i love FAVORITE FANDOM YOU’VE BEEN IN:  honestly this fandom can be dumb sometimes but the rp community is SO NICE and it’s one of the longest i’ve been in so yeah gonna go with this one. runner up would be the disney / mo.ana fandom bc holy shit are they nice FAVORITE SONG TO GIVE YOU MUSE:  arsonist’s lullaby by hozier is what started this blog SO LEAST FAVORITE FCS TO PLAY/PLAY AGAINST:  eh i’m not really a fan of SUPER POPULAR actors/actresses bc.. i have a hard time thinking of them as their characters tbh. but if you have a good character it doesn’t really matter!! LEAST FAVORITE RP EXPERIENCE: i’ve never really had honest drama anywhere... but being stuck in a cliquey fandom is The Worst LEAST FAVORITE GENRE OF WRITING: gonna copy lucy and say smut, just because i have a hard time writing it. not that i don’t LIKE to, but i have to have hella plot with someone for it to work. LEAST FAVORITE FANDOM YOU’VE BEEN IN: sometimes the h.ttyd fandom was fucking terrible even though i love it. and parts of this fandom still bother me even though i love clarke to death LEAST FAVORITE THING PEOPLE ASSUME ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER: lmao i can’t... stand... when people try to imply that clarke doesn’t care or is selfish. like this girl has a myriad of flaws but she cares so much it kills her and she does EVERYTHING for her people like. step up to me next time. OTHER CHARACTERS YOU’D LIKE TO PLAY:  for this fandom: if i could ever pull off bellamy i’d do it because i have a lot of Feelings about bellamy blake. or MURPHY because my small son. for other fandoms: mar.inette from mir.aculous lady.bug or r.ey from st.ar wa.rs are h i g h on the list rn

MUSE PREFERENCES: females / males / canons / ocs / corrupted / good / live action / animated / human / supernatural / other species / hopeless romantic / averse to love / younger (15-25) / older (25+) / easy for you to relate to / hard for you to relate to.

PLOT IDEAS: accidentally married / affairs / age gaps / angst / apocalypse / arranged marriage / boarding school / college roommates / criminals / enemies to lovers / enemies with benefits / exes / fake relationship / fluff / forbidden relationship / friends with benefits / online relationships / pregnancy / prison / professor/student / road trips / rich kids / royalty / smut / supernatural / toxic relationships.

POSSIBLE TRIGGERS IN PLOTS YOU’RE OKAY WITH: abuse / bdsm / daddy kink / drinking / drugs / dub-con / gore / incest / kidnapping / murder / non-con / prostitution / stepcest / stockholm syndrome / torture.

[sometimesrosy]

It's not dread as in 'if this happens I'm out, how dare Jason, I hate that guy', but more as in... it'll be painful for me to watch it, but I want it to happen. If it doesnt, it'll be dissapointing to me and season 6 won't have the same effect season 5 had, for instance. They had the opportunity to reboot everything and make everyone return to action trauma-free, but thankfully they didn't and were able to START the nice story about healing. Like, in 'Buffy the vampire slayer' 1

I wanted Clarke to have the same moment Buffy had in Once More With Feeling, just a ‘yo, I’m not mad you guys did it, but I kind of am, and also, sad’ with maybe less singing, but that was before the season aired and now they have to confront each other or else there’ll always be that thing stopping them from being bffs. E/cho fighting her didn’t mean that much to me bc they were framed as nemesis in s4, but imagine when it’s R? I’m all ready for the water works. 2

here’s what I’m saying.

I think with this show we have to accept the certain level of angst. That certain level is HIGH. That’s just the show it is.

In Buffy, they worked through the drama with a little bit of a cop out. The music curse forced them to expose their feelings through song. No one had to get brave. No one had to be unable to bear it. No one had just be like, okay that’s enough, we need to get it out. 

They were spelled into revealing the things they had been keeping hidden.

THIS show is a different kind of show, and the things they keep hidden come out through action, drama and angst. 

Now understand that when Marti Noxon came on board buffy and made it more mature and darker, I loved it even more. I never had the problem other fans did with “ruining” the show. I enjoyed the deeper level and the more mature characters and the more morally gray problems. So here you have me, with a “type” for my tv shows. 

I ENJOY the angst. I enjoy the human struggle. I LOOK for the characters facing down their character flaws. 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But whatever it is, fits this kind of drama. It helps me process my own life. It makes me feel like if they can make it through THEIR troubles, I can make it through mine. It makes me exponentially more happy when they fight through and conquer their demons and win through.

I had a moment like that in TWD a couple of seasons ago, when it seemed like all was lost and there was nothing but tragedy and betrayal and I posted, “WHY DO I WATCH THIS KIND OF SHOW I HATE IT!!”  then from out of nowhere, in came the tiger, and Maggie, and Carol and everybody and Carl jumped into action and negan was like??? and I went “OH YEAH THAT’S WHY I WATCH THIS KIND OF SHOW THAT WAS GREAT!!!!”

You’ve got to PAY IN with the angst and trauma on this show. IF you want to get the victory and heroism. 

Buffy never would have been so great, if she hadn’t had to kill Angel. When he was Angel again.

TWD would never even BE a show, if Rick didn’t have to face how being the good guy was going to get his people killed. 

The 100 wouldn’t be the show it is if Clarke, and Bellamy, and Octavia, and Raven and all of them didn’t suffer because OF THE CHOICES THEY MADE. Because there are no good choices. Because Clarke needs to run away and this separates her from her people. Because she sacrifices herself for them and this leaves her alone. Because she’s alone so she CONTINUES to choose to be alone because it hurts to much to be left behind, and forgotten and betrayed. So she regresses to her old coping strategies, and leave Bellamy at the gates, to his fate. 

Notice though, that Bellamy did this, regressing, in season 3. And it was the trigger for him to face up to his choices, and to how his people, his sister, clarke, felt betrayed, and make the decision to do the right thing.

We already saw that with Clarke. Bellamy didn’t stay on the outside of Clarke or Raven or Miller or Harper. He did with Octavia, because that was a separate story. 

For Clarke, we have Bellamy as the separate story now, and Clarke needing to come back to her family, the delinquents. 

And in order to GET the feeling of completion and victory when she is, once again, the leader of her people, loved, and supported and trusted and believed, we need to see the real risk and pain of her NOT getting that.

So you SEE what’s happening, but you’re not trusting that it will come out, or you’re not able to see past the pain part to the payoff. 

This show is such a slow burn story. Not just Bellarke, but also the character development and the long term post apocalyptic salvation and redemption stories. They develop them so much, so slowly, in little bits and piece, interweaving them to tell each season’s battle story, that well…. it’s easy to get lost. 

But you know it’s there. You can see it. You just have to trust it and be patient.