#like yeah some perspectives are weird to me
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I'm gonna rant about my body image issues and dysmorphia for a second so watch out. I'll put it under a read more if i can figure out how
slay i think i did it. anyway, going to the gym as much as i have and getting into shape and stuff has been lovely, dont get me wrong, but it also makes some things very strange for me. Like, I was raised by a an who had a manual job and was a bodybuilder in his 20's. My perspective of what a "dad bod" was was SO skewed by my dad that i though it meant a buff guy who puffs his chest out when he stands stil to look bigger. My older brother (by three years) was chubby in middle school and then did swimming and lacrosse and had an insane dorito shaped body by 17 and still has it now. I was 6'3 when i started high school and i looked like a lollipop: just a big head on a tiny body. And i stayed that way all through high school. I assumed that getting beefy and filling out like my dad and brother did just want going to happen for me. I spent all of my early and mid 20's weighing like 145 (150 on a good day) and having to buy 28x34's for pants and medium shirts. The pandemic happened and i started working from home and after a few years i was about 210 or so. I stayed around that weight for bit and assumed it was my adult weight and what my body liked and spent over a year coming to terms with it. wel NOW after going to the gym and eating better for the last 10 months, im down to a toned 180 and im all sorts of jumbled up. I hit my shoulders on doorframes bc even though i measured and know my shoulders got at least 4 inches broader, i still dont believe it or feel it. My mediums got too tight, and my XL's from being 210 fit my shoulders and chest but hang off of me. Like im surrounded by evidence of the shape my body is in now, and i can see in the mirror how i look, i just dont think its clicking for me. I'm right about 6'4 and until the last year or so i wouold just say i was "medium tall" bc i didnt think i was TALL tall, just tallER. Like thats how deep this weird disconnect from the objective truths of my body goes. And now im at the point where people compliment my arms or chest or butt or something and i cant shake the nagging feeling that its just flattery and they dont mean it and isnt true. Someone said my arms were big and i was like "i mean theyre long, but i wouldnt say big" and it took me seeing several people with smaller arms over the course of a while for me to be like "oh yeah i guess so". Like, i always felt like the most average and unremarkable of my family and thats SUPER bleeding into things now. Maybe i dont think i can be extraordinary or above average or something?? All i know is im CLEARLY not seeing what everyone else is, and poeple are getting frustrated with me about it and taking it as me being fake-humble or just plain oblivious. And i feel insane talking about it bc one of my friends says it makes him feel awful to see someone who "looks like me" doubt myself so much, because that means that HE must be so much worse then. I also know that a 6'4 in shape white guy having body image issues isnt exactly the easiest thing to sympathize or empathize with, but it sucks that I feel like i cant really talk about it with anyone bc it just gets too personally hard for anyone to go in depth about. Its like my issues are too triggering for others and i just need to get a grip or something. IDK, i just needed to vent about this bc i dont know what else to do. if you read all of this, let me know what you think or something lol
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Also, a real desire to lose weight is still a real and valid desire. This is something a person is trying to achieve. Just because it's not your goal and you could never imagine yourself spending the time and effort on it, just because YOU don't think society should bother with it, doesn't mean it's not a perfectly real and valid goal for someone else.
Online people are so obsessed with what they think they want society to be that they've lost touch with the fact that other people can still have goals different from yours. So WHAT if it's losing weight? That's no different than saving up for a trip or learning how to paint or watching a new show.
If all you can do for the people who work with you everyday is stare at them when they try to engage with you just because you can't get over the topic choice of their personal life, I've got news for you: the rude person isn't them, it's YOU. You don't have a moral high ground. You're not better. I don't care about the topic of sports when everyone and their dogs drools over it because sports are stupid. But I still care about the people I work with and so I'm not an ass about it.
You could suggest better communication skills for hubby. You could ask if the person has thought about a plan for losing weight. Ask them questions about their stuff if you can't add yours. You could pick a different topic. There's so many positive things you could do other than being a drab, unpainted wall because you think you're too good for the conversation topic.
"I'm so much better than you, with better thoughts and opinions. Shocking that you're a different person with different experiences. You're not relatable at all. How dare you speak to me."
Ok. 😂
I genuinely feel like an alien compared to my coworkers when they try to chat with me about things like dating and weight loss. like what are you SAYING about "oh you know it's just so hard to make your man understand the instructions you give him?" why are you trying to connect with me by complaining that you gained 15 pounds? is this how most people form connections in the workplace? i for real do not get it
#what i can't imagine is encountering a real person who acts like that lol#sorry other people exist i guess???#like yeah some perspectives are weird to me#i think it's bizarre that this guy comes into the office ultra early everyday so he's not bothered by his kids#why tf did you have kids then#the way people refer to their spouses most times is so demeaning i couldn't imagine referring to someone i love that way#i get complaining about that#i don't get being a dumb brick about someone talking to you tho that's just rude#you ever try to talk about something you enjoy with someone and they're just like#'huh. ok. sure.' about it??? not engaging at all???#it's so offputting and i will write that person off forever#this is the same thing#a good way to drive everyone away from you if that's what you want i guess#rude af#i shouldn't like to be treated that way and I'm sure you wouldn't like your problems dismissed for the trivial nonsense they probably are#complain all you want to your home peeps#but more of you desperately need to have more empathy for the people you work with in the moment#commentary
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my gender is like meat leaf i think. boy materials in the structure of girl. like im a girl made out of boy things but not in a transman way like i like being female im just. a girl-leaning boygirl. maybe??
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#u dont understand ive been insisting to all of my friends for like 6 years that im NOT a trans man#i cannot be proven wrong at this point i'll lose it#and anyways im not actually a guy#im definitely a girl just like. a type of girl that scientists haven't discovered yet#and that sounds like a joke but im soooo fucking serious#im a fucking student geneticist dude#i think theres some autosomal gene (or probably multiple) that regulate gender in convoluted ways#probably linked and i think there's probably multiple types of fem and masc genders not to mention non fem OR masc genders#codominant? incomplete dominance? is it different on different scales?#its a completely possible and furthermore plausible concept like from my perspective it'd be really weird if gender genetics weren't a thing#i think theyve already lowkey been proven to be a thing cause of that paper comparing trans brains to cis brains#& finding a link where trans men had a certain section that was the same as cis men#and that same section in trans women was the same in cis women#its an OLD study too#anyways i want to research this one day but i also dont because i dont trust humanity with that information#but if i found proof that it exists maybe it could seriously back trans people with scientific evidence#not that they should fucking NEED it testimony should be fucking good enough#ive been bio obsessed since i was born and im a natural skeptic#but when i was 11 i asked a trans person i knew like 2 fucking questions and they answered me and i was like 'yeah this makes sense'#figured anything that didnt make sense was just something i didnt understand yet#and now that im older and in college level biology and genetics classes i know i was right#it would be really really weird if trans people didnt exist did you know that? all the kinds too like nb genderfluid agender genderq demi#i dont fucking care it makes SENSE#'nonbinary' was a good term to adopt because it really just fits perfectly#nothing in biology is ever ever ever truly binary especially not a neurological and psychological phenomenon#especially not in a species with a brain so overly complex and tangled up like HOMO SAPIENS??#are you kidding?? the fact that we even have a concept of art and music let alone have talents and passions for them is proof alone dude#that shit doesn't help us survive its a modified version of pattern recognition and uncanny valley#combine that shit with the fact that intersex people exist?? like#nonbinary gender is literally the combination of intersexuality and human neurology
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hmm realizing that the ship i like properly Ship the most is probably arasol...
#im not big into shipping? i like it but im not picky or hardcore about ships(as long as i like both characters lol)#but they arent something i really Need?#i guess i just dont really need things to be Romantic cus i just enjoy interesting dynamics#romantic or platonic#and i guess i dont really care if arasol is Romantic either tbh#i dont even know if i truly see them as Romantic in the traditional sense#but theres just something abuot them....#they have this energy..#i remember some time ago someone saying that sollux would normally be a character thatd be doomed by the narrative#so he just removed himself from the narrative?#or something along those lines#and yeah#like they both just kinda#do their own thing#they have their own weird bubble#they both have this weirdly detached perspective i feel?#which i mean#its a girl who was dead for ages and a guy who could hear the voices of the soon to be dead#ughh i just love them...#theyre like the only pair that i really go !!! over#which is interesting to me lol#maybe its cus there isnt as much of them as a lot of other ships so the rarity of it makes it more exiting#who knows#just thought it was interesting lol#rambles
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in-universe "logistics" aside, i think it's good that echo has the permanent scomp arm instead of a hand for like. real-world representation reasons.
in star wars sure they have fully articulated replacement prosthetics but we very much don't have that in real life, and i feel like echo with the scomp is good rep for that. he's one of the most competent characters and i think it's good to show that he can do All That as he is, especially with how irl people with only one hand usually are very capable, even more if they've been living with it for a long time, and very rarely do we see that in media.
like, mark hamill once said he talked to a kid for a make a wish thing who was about to have his arm amputated, and the kid said that he wasn't worried because luke did it too. i think that's important
#tbb#echo#.txt#the bad batch#arc trooper echo#SORRY MUTUALS this has been on my mind since i saw some people being really weird/Actually Ableist about it on twitter back in january and#that post going around just reminded me of it#NOT THAT OP WAS SAYING ANYTHING PARTICULARLY BAD bc like yeah utilitarially a multitool type arm could probably be useful#just imo its nice to have real world rep#also im still taking psychic damage from some of the twitter shit it was like how echo would ''have relief at having a proper hand'' or sth#like um. thats not very ummmm.... thats not really a good thing to say--#with regards to like. a lot of people with limb differences dont feel any particular desire to have a standard limb and a replacement#isnt necessarily the best for everyone or what everyone wants#and acting like all people who dont have standard are all suffering and sad about it is demeaning and patronizing#twitter users when theyve never read about people with limb differences from those people's perspectives#twitter users when theyve never heard of the Lucky Fin Project#sorry for going off agh prosthetics are what i plan on studying & specializing in so i read a lot about this stuff
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one of the things that makes wolf 359's characterization work so well and feel so genuine is how much it's about perspective. maxwell is a manipulative backstabber in hera's story, a "gift of a friend" in jacobi's, and - from their subjective perspectives - both of them are right about her. i love eiffel, and i'm completely on his side, but... if you were kate garcia and your ex you had a toxic relationship with, a man you had to tolerate in your life because you had a child with him, who - after you were awarded full custody - attempted to kidnap your daughter, and got in an accident that left her disabled... if you thought that man was serving 26 years in prison for what he did, and then you thought he was dead, and then he showed up alive - walking free - and wanted to make amends...? would you want to hear him out? eiffel has suffered so much, and he became a better person in a way carceral punishment would never have done, but from kate's perspective, it must seem like he has never had to face consequences for anything. and that's... complicated, but it's real.
#wolf 359#w359#he is both the luckiest and unluckiest man in the world#like. eiffel is who he is to me because of who he is to hera and minkowski and lovelace#and he is that person. he's a person i love. i sincerely believe i would also love eiffel if i knew him irl.#but it's understandable. people can see such different sides of each other and the way wolf 359. understands that and acknowledges#all of those connections... yeah.#i really want eiffel to have a relationship with his daughter some day. he wants that and he'll never stop wanting that#and i care about him so i want that for him#but it's up to her. if she decides not to then. it's entirely her right.#and needless to say but. i think eiffel and kate. probably bring out the worst in each other#and it's such a weird situation to think. how people close to eiffel who don't know that version of him at all#would respond to how she sees him.#... i honestly think hera probably hates her and it's completely unjustified but it's the kind of person she is.#she judges everyone from an extremely close personal perspective and i think she does have kind of a. My People vs Other People mentality#which makes sense given how she's had to protect herself but also. she's just petty and spiteful and defensive sometimes. anyway.
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a poem about love
#chase james#chase x everett#skeletons in the closet#ocs#wip#poetry#i have been enjoying writing poems from chase's pov i'm very glad i made him a poet#especially because this entire book was initially going to be primarily from his first person pov#so this is a way to include some of that#also an excuse for me to write poetry! which i have not done in years#i'm realizing i like writing poems WAY more from a characters perspective than my own#i just don't enjoy writing personal stuff it always makes me feel weird#but it's fun to do stuff from the perspetive of a character!#a neat challenge for me#writing#anyway. the poem i think could stand on its on but yeah it is a poem that my character wrote <333#i love my fucked up little guys that i made up.....
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~a vampire at dawn~
excuse the quick sketch, for this post is less about the art and more about the idea behind it... i have this headcanon from when geralt's company was trekking with the beekeepers through the wilderness:
although they were initially very grateful to have three meals a day prepared for them, they quickly got sick of having honeyed porridge served for all three of them. "Everything was sticky from the honey, even the young women." milva began to get nauseous at mealtimes, and cahir, usually ravenous at mealtimes as befits a strapping young lad such as he, even turned down a few bowls.
regis, however, was quite happy with it.
because, as is mentioned later in the book, about saovine traditions: "The spirits of the dead (...) should be given honey and groats, all sprinkled with vodka…" i imagine some confusing night where he went into a villager's hut to drink blood, but, it was around saovine, so they were even expecting someone like him to arrive and to even be looking for such a thing. prepared for such a situation, they handed him some kasza with honey. he didn't really know what to do with it, but they instructed him on how to eat... it was surprisingly pretty good, so he started pulling this on all the other villages, like hey i;m "undead" (whatever that means) do you have any "porridge" with "honey." yeah also put a little vodka on it while you're at it.
so honeyed groats turned out to be the first human food he ate, and over time, became like a comfort food to him. now he has it without the vodka though
#i also have just been thinking of like. the company travelling together is almost downright domestic#except for the part where they don't have a house lol#you know what i mean. that they 'sleep under the same blanket at night'#they all sleep and wake at the same time and have to get dressed in the morning#we see their night routine more but they must also have morning routine#and i know geralt wakes everyone up early to cover more miles lol#this is probably why they enjoyed beauclair so much because their breakfast on the road was always hasty#but yeah like... i mean they don't have pajamas i'm assuming but it's like in a little sacrifice when dandelion takes off his jerkin and ha#like ... i don't know maybe because only child syndrome and i did not do sleepovers except once or twice#but you're just going to coordinate your sleep routines and like get undressed and dressed and stuff together#and then on top of that from the perspective of 'hey remember one of your company members is a vampire'#regis flipped his entire circadian rhythm upside down to live amongst humans#regis is the friend in the group chat who is in the opposite timezone#and also. to me it is just funny and weird to think of a vampire waking up and eating breakfast like a human#i mean i know it's regis so it's not surprising. it's just a somehow interesting mental image#like so you're telling me he doesn't just manifest like that in dark cloak and all. he's got to tie his shirt up and pull his boots on#i blame the discussion of beach episode hanza some weeks prior. the regis in a tanktop image is haunting me. in a good way#me: 'well it's just like ive never seen him wear a tanktop' ... 'i guess ive never seen him bc he's a fictional character but'#'ive never seen your arms above your elbows before and it's kind of weirding me out'#it's weird i'm curious like a child about it. maybe i have mental problems that come from american media sexualizing any nudity#my art#c: regis#emiel regis
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Me pondering: kids are capable of going through and understanding complex problems and their feelings should be taken seriously when it counts.
Me practically: who are all these annoying fucking kids in the milgram fandom and why are they posting the worst takes and most irrelevant bullshit I've ever seen ever???
I think these are valid to coexist.
#haterposting sorry lile kids like amane?#w ACTUAL maturity and intelligence? yes hear them out!!#some 13-year-old posting drivel about “ships” when it's completely irrelevant#or missing the point of very complex plot points bc they are Literally Not The Age Demographic and Actually Dont Understand It?#im SO SORRY i am not gonna b mean to anyone but I WILL HATE THEM FROM AFAR#GO BACK TO BNHA OR DANGANRONPA U ARE ACTUALLY MAKING THE SPACES LOWER QUALITY BY BEING HERE#like obviously it does not matter at all lmao kids will do whatever#i was watching bojack horseman at 13 thinking i was So Smart i don't get to talk#but to be fair i NEVER missed the point as bad as some milgram kiddies in the YouTube side of the fandom#like no “wrong” way to enjoy things but imo they legitimately need to enjoy something else#but literally if your only takeaway from this project is “omg ship cute characters silly”#but you still insist on joining discussion spaces? god please leave#I DON'T HATE MINORS I DON'T DISCRIMINATE i just think the minors who legitimately have nothing to add should shut the fuck up#sorry livechat got me wildin lmaooooo idc that much but like it's a weird contrast#cuz my general genuine feelings for most situations is “yeah listen to kids' perspectives wholeheartedly”#but like ONLINE kids who post about nonsense that has nothing to do with what others are trying to discuss? godddd they legit need to leave#nothing against shipping either long as ur not Gross#(coughbitchesshippingwholeadultawunderagecharacterscough)#but if that's ALL YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT there are way better fandoms for that leave the milgram creators aloooone lmao#minors who actually Think about shit this does not apply to you obviously lol#if ur smart ur smart if you contribute u contribute#but like try to let urself be a kid sometimes too lol
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i'm pretty sure it was some josh sawyer interview i watched ages ago where he said something about knowing that pentiment 'isn't for everyone' and talked about that framing in general since it's such a niche project, and he was like, well yeah, it's not for everyone. neither is call of duty.
and it truly gave me so much peace lol. like ohhhh. yeah. 'objective' media assessment is nothing to me
#very unlikely i could source this rip as i have watched too many jsawyer interviews and talks. and it was too long ago#also play pentiment 👍#it speaks#it's been weird paying attention to more i guess mainstream gamer perspectives in the lead up to vg launch and remembering that a lot#of people just really do not value the same stuff that i do in games or just like in art at all#obv bg3 is a big mainstream hit but the other two most impactful titles i've played in the last couple years are immortality and pentiment#which are very unique little narrative games with imo a lot of thematic overlap (despite very different execution)#and those for me are like. life changing mind melting pieces of art#both of which really require you to meet the game on its terms. like yeah if you're playing immortality and you aren't choosing to buy into#non linear fmv and kind of tedious detective work and a really abstract narrative that you have to piece together yourself#then you're gonna go wtf is this lol#those games are the kind of thing that a lot of 'gamers' will play and go oh that's not a game#and i would say that they're wrong and the interactivity is specifically why they work 👍 but u know.#like on some level you have to make the choice to be invested. the actual execution can only take u so far. idk!!
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Tbh? I still feel so out of my depth whenever I try to write Bill. For whatever reason it doesn't come naturally to me like writing Ford does. Every time one of y'all has thoughts on Bill's characterization or writes something Bill-centric I'm mentally taking so many notes
#godsrambles#im in that weird inbetween of knowing when his characterization Feels Right but not knowing how to write him so it feels right#its like that stage in art where your eye for good composition and colors and anatomy improves but you dont know how to actually apply it#what i should do is write some short scenes where he interacts with other people#because most of the fics I've written are 100% his internal thoughts when he is completely alone#which is way easier. takes away at least a few of the layers youd usually have to keep track of with this goddamn guy#the only one i can think of that had bill actually talking to someone else is parhelion. and i KNOW i slightly mischaracterized him in that#made him a lil too Smooth. made his manipulative front a lil too gentle and kind and patient#but since its from fords Very Reverent Rose Tinted Glasses perspective i dont think its that big a deal#and also the more i lean into him Seeming Perfect To Ford the more sinister it is to read with the knowledge of what happens later#which is. so much fun. and im so normal about it#but i still do want to get better at writing him interacting with others#ironically one issue that seems to come up is me being like 'whenever he talks to people they always respond exactly how he expects them to#like subconsicously. in the form of 'they get tricked successfully' or 'they are annoyed and bothered to the extent he was going for'#tfw you cant write a character bc you accidentally have the same innaccurate thought process as him#tags essay#TBH writing him as Too good at manipulation in parhelion is also billcore.#'this is how it happened right. im soooo good at trickery good job me'#if you count 'tricking yourself' then yeah bill youre the best at trickery there ever was
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ok catie first of all i am crying at the image in my head of nosferatu live. that is actually the Greatest Thing i've ever heard. i'm so jealous but now i have a new bucketlist item. and also. its a wonderful life was my other oldest too. and now im gonna go cry. ok bye
That was truly the Movie Experience of All Time, seriously, like it was just so random but perfect, and so incredibly funny
Basically, there's this historic theater near me that does old movies. They also happen to have an organ, well okay, that's cool I guess! And then they announce "Nosferatu with live organ accompaniment" I HAVE TO GO! Not to wax poetic but it was very sweet to me because I'm pretty sure they mentioned that this was the first time an event like that was completely sold out? It's just very sweet to imagine all those other people reading about it and being like me and going "Nosferatu live organ?? I gotta see this!" The organ in question:
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#its a wonderful life made me cry so bad 😭😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺#but nosferatu as i said#im sure it was scary back in the 20s when horror movies werent a thing yet#but from the modern perspective it was so funny and campy???#and also we could not figure out the main character's name#it was Hutter right? but with the font they used it looked like his name was Butter#i just couldnt stop crying with laughter when we kept calling him Buttrr#i think the funniest part is when they sped scenes up to show that Nosferatu has weird powers#but its just so incredibly funny 😭😭#but the organ!!!!!! sooooooo sick#and also omg!#they had this local artist who was selling posters of Nosferatu that he drew#very cool#but we bought one and got the organist to sign it!!#it was so funny how many people wanted his signature#he was just some younger guy and suddenly everyone is like: please sign this poster#so now i have that artifact i guess!!#but yeah definitely reccomend one day seeing a silent film with live accompaniment#its very sick#like even if the movie is silly from modern perspective the music is so cool#catie.asks.#catie.rambling.txt
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Been a while since my top posts were all drawings I did
Feels nice
#that's a solid drawing of a frog#starting to get some sense of the artist so to speak#arbitrarily gave myself some limitations to have fun within and have accidentally made some pretty distinct looking work#its kind of fucked up being so dissociated that im looking at these drawings and like admiring and inspired by them#but its encouraging if nothing else to be making anything at all and then be able to look at it and go yeah i want to see more like that#but then i have to go do it#but then i get to go do it#this weird detached perspective is giving me 'this person would probably make an appealing newspaper comic strip' from my own work#i wonder if thats a thread i should start pulling at. or. whichever expression.#despite that not really being a thing that a person can do in 2024
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i woke up to lu attending wwe raw last night and now ive been hit over the head with all the clips of him and cm punk like im a little kid again
#txt#after like middleschool i didnt keep up with professional wrestling#and now in my adulthood im like mannn i gotta get back into it id appreciate the theatrics even more now#but i havent found a good time to really dig in but i do watch video essasys to churn the nostalgia#but do you know what its like having your closet made of glass and not realising its not supposed to be like that because your dumb#and getting cmpunk jumpscared and crumbling to my knees LIKE OH. OKAY. THATS WHY MY FASCINATION WITH WRESTLING WAS LIKE. A LITTLE WEIRD. OH.#IM USED TO LONG HAIR CMPUNK SO TO SEE HIM STROLLING IN NEXT TO LU OLDER WITH SHORTER HAIR AND GOING FUCK HES STILL HOT JUST BROKE MY BRAIN#BECAUSE I HADNT PROCESSED THAT I THOUGHT THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE AS A KID#SO WE ARE REALLY ADDRESSING THE BLACK BOX I HAVE HIDDEN UNDER MY BED HERE#WWE. THE GHOST THAT HAUNTS ME.#im sorry this may be like really obvious from an outsider perspective because i remember mentioning wwe to a friend#and she was like yeah that tracks and we talked about our crushes and for some reason my brain just blocked cm punk#and youre fucking dealing with someone whos dumber than a sack of bricks
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One thing about me is you can always count on me to want the character who is incomprehensible. People often say "Oh you're gonna want this one for sure" because they think I have a type. There's the secret: There is no type. The only type is confusion.
If the character you are showing to me is perfectly comprehensible and makes sense well unfortunately I will be normal about them. Horny? Perhaps. But to a normal degree.
Show me a cunt who makes no sense at all and it's over. I'm finished. KO'd. I'm done. It's over for me forever.
#at this point i have learned this about myself as well#because i didnt know this either suprisingly#i got the memo after i became insane about Gor//tash#after that i went 'oh ok i think i understand it all now'#actually there ARE some outliers but those are artificially manufactured outliers#as in i become insane about any character i analyse. which means that i get really weird and freaky even if theyre comprehensible#its that uuuh its that one quote. about how you need to understand your enemy in order to defeat them but once you understand#them you love them. so i think thats just what happens in my brain after an analysis. and some of the characters are outliers#because they are both incomprehensible and have been analysed. but that is perhaps a different factor#like as in i become insane about an incomprehensible character i analyse them to understand#i get even more insane.#funniest example of his has got to be Var//ney Castle//vania because the analysis doesnt even explain anything thats wrong with him#like it says a lot of other stuff but hes just incomprehensible for fun. even from a meta perspective hes hilarious they literally#had only two designs and the result is the combination of both of them. no nobody explains why he specifically has weird eyes#see? incomprehensible.#anyway sorry for that. but yeah basically people need to stop being surprised that i want to rail a character when theyre#a puzzle for me to solve or to try to solve. like??? what were you expecting.#show me a character with problems that would take a team of psychologists from all approaches several decades to understand#and ill show you how weird i can get. literally my only criterion for getting insane and unhinged about a character#this is a psa so that nobody gets surprised in the future
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