#like would new jobs be created? the romance genre would have a lot to work it methinks. and oh gods the discourse 😭

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Outdrawn

f/f contemporary romance

two cartoonist who’ve been rivals since uni, and now have competing webcomics online, have to work together on the relaunch of a cult classic at the comic press they both work at

they both struggle with art-related physical and mental health issues, and complicated families

[cool-person-yey]

the concept of soulmates is cool but do not think about it too much. just don't.

[somberjoon]

METANOIA [4]

✩ pairing: wolf hybrid nj x cheetah hybrid reader (f) - eventual ot7 x reader

✩ genre: soul-searching , romance🔞 , found-family , healing , angst , happy ending

✩ word count: 6.3k

✩ chapter warnings: uncertainty in behavior and emotions , anxiety and crying , discussions of inadequacy and feelings

✩ summary: She doesn't know. There is so much about her and her cheetah that she hasn't had the privilege to understand. Unknown backgrounds and unknown emotions clash with feelings of want- hopes of being herself unapologetically. Namjoon seems to be someone that can help her- but can the rest of his pack truly be what she has wanted and needed?

✩ cover: me

ch.1 , ch.2 , ch.3 , ch.4 , ch.5

“Joonie! I’m so happy to finally catch you while I’m in the office. How are you?” 

Mila was always a rock in Namjoon’s life- one he didn’t know he’d need or find. When Mila found him, he was just another hybrid that needed help when the system was against him in multiple ways. Because he was too old to be “supported” by the shelter he was in, his choices were either to be kicked out with no resources or to end up with a mysterious fate because of the shelter’s shady practices. Now he knows what they do- trafficking, the selling of specific hybrids to different illegal industries, illegal euthanization- but back then, he was going to choose that route blindly, just so he wasn’t living on the streets. 

Mila found him when she was making her rounds at the shelters, using the organization’s funds to pay the little fees the ‘of-age’ hybrids were under. She helped him personally, as her position wasn’t what it is now- placing him in a temporary home, visiting him personally for readjustment with humans, and helping him find a job that was hybrid friendly. She’s someone that’s dear to him, as he is to her. 

“I’m doing great, how are you?”

“Eh, the new position is a lot more work, but I have more say in where our money goes so- I can’t be too mad.” She eyes the disengaged cheetah that seems to be lurking right outside her office. “Is this-? Taehyung?”

Mila never really had the time to meet Namjoon’s pack, and the rest of his pack never had the time or ability to come into the organization while she was in office- Taehyung and Mila have never met each other but know of each other. Namjoon wishes it didn’t have to be a random check-in that got her to meet his family but this is what it has come to.

“This is. Taehyung.” He turns and waves the nervous cheetah in, giving his waist a squeeze to keep him close and less anxious. 

Mila’s smile is enough to have Namjoon relaxing at the first meeting, but Taehyung isn’t one for first impressions- he values time and familiarity. 

“It’s very nice to meet you, I’m Mila.” She stretches out her arm to invite the cheetah in for a handshake. Taehyung doesn’t shy away from formal greetings so he gives in immediately. 

“Nice to meet you too.” Mila brightens at the response, letting his hand go to clasp both of hers together in front of her. 

“I’m gonna be honest, I think I know why you’re here but, I’d love to hear what you have to say.” Mila looks up at the two from her office chair. 

“It’s about the new case-”

“You can use her name here.”

“Y/N- I’m the only known hybrid that’s been in contact with her, and she definitely hasn’t met another like her. Taehyung also hasn’t met someone like him because of their rarity. I thought this would be a great opportunity for the two, but I didn’t share any information or specifics as I knew he’d need to be with the organization to help personally. I talked to them both and they both are up to having a time to meet up- is there a way we can make that possible?”

“Honestly, I think it would be great to see Y/N making these connections and having these relationships naturally. Through you and through Taehyung when he meets her- I think she would benefit greatly from creating these connections herself by her choice- without the help from the organization. I don’t mind them meeting, I don’t need him to be an official volunteer. If she consented to the meeting, then information can be shared between you and Taehyung- of course the most basic information out of decency, but you get it.” 

“Ah I guess I didn’t think about it that way. Nothing like this has come up before.” Namjoon looks over at Taehyung to gauge his reaction, reading a calmed expression that Namjoon knows is relief.

“No worries, it truly depends on the circumstance. But, I trust you and I trust your judgment. And I really like the idea.” Mila’s praise makes him blush a little, tail happily wagging at her confession.

“Thank you, I’ll make sure to make notes.”

“Let her know that the meeting can be out of volunteer hours if you both would like that as well. Notes aren’t a necessity all the time, especially if you guys are creating relationships outside of just a ‘volunteer’ stand-point.”

“Oh- uh, I’ll definitely talk to her about it.”

“Perfect. Is that all you need from me then?” 

“Professionally? Yes. Personally, I’d love for you to meet my pack members sometime, even if it’s just me and one other or a couple at a time whenever we can make it work. I’ve been wanting to but these last couple years-” 

“I understand, Namjoon, don’t worry. I understand pack dynamics and the adjustment period for the new members. Don’t worry at all. If anything I’d love to give you a paid position here- and then maybe we’d be able to figure something out sooner.”

Mila has been trying to push a paid position into Namjoon’s lap for almost a year now, but working offsite for a hybrid shelter feels more important at the moment. The shelter is still not up to par in his opinion, and the hybrids under his care know him personally. He couldn’t leave them with someone random, that’s the worst thing someone could do to them- connect, then leave them with little to no notice. Once you connect with them, you’re a strong tie to them emotionally. Though he doesn’t see them all the time, he does random check-ins weekly and everything is going okay. 

This is only the third shelter he has done monitoring at thanks to the organization helping him find a job in the ‘hybrid facility monitoring’ department of a local law firm. He is satisfied with his job, and he loves to do volunteering in his down time. He doesn’t want to change anything at the moment. 

“I’m really sorry, I enjoy how I have everything at the moment. But, I won’t just leave the organization randomly, maybe later on when I need to get out of the house more often I’ll get back to you.” He gets a sweet laugh out of Mila before turning to Taehyung to see he’s antsy being out in an unfamiliar environment for so long when it’s not needed. 

“I’ll try to catch you another day to make some plans, but I gotta get home to log in- I’ll see ya’.” He gives Taehyung’s waist a quick squeeze for reassurance. 

“Of course, of course. I’ll see you later- and goodluck with everything.” She gives him a familiar smile that he knows is something a little more than a kind farewell. He returns it with a nod before turning to leave. 

-

Y/N

Her restless body wakes her far too early. She stares at her dark ceiling, too many thoughts rolling around in her head. 

Having relationships is odd to her, in a way that feels emotionally taxing. She’s to be mindful of how she presents herself, how she talks, how she reacts to their personality. It’s all so much to think about. With Maria she’s used to it, with Richard it’s getting easier, with Namjoon it feels like no work, but someone from Namjoon’s pack that she’s never met before? It’s scary thinking about how wrong it could go. 

Namjoon doesn’t even know enough about her to trust her with a pack member. She can’t help but think he’s being a little rash. She hasn’t told him anything. Nothing about how she survived on the streets, about who and why she distrusts so commonly, nothing about how she cowers under the attention of a man. She can’t do this- not without being a little honest with Namjoon. 

-

With her anxieties, Y/N ends up outside sitting in the divot of her favorite tree at the time that Namjoon shows up. 

“Ahhh, that’s where the spot is. Very nice.” 

She startles at the sudden disruption to her thoughts. Looking down at the comforting Namjoon that always quiets her mind, she mirrors the smile he’s giving her. Wasting no time, she scoots effortlessly to the edge of the divot and jumps down landing on her feet. She pats at her butt and the back of her legs to rid the fabric of any dirt or bark. 

“Here, you got leaves in your hair as well.” Namjoon doesn’t hesitate to help her pick a few of the green friends from her hair- always careful of her ears. Her attention is set on him and the attention he gives to her hair- until she spots the bag he’s holding. He clutches the plastic bag that clearly has two small containers of pre-cut watermelon in it. 

“Watermelon?” Is all she asks, hoping that he brought it for her again despite not being used to so much being bought for her. She’s okay with being spoiled a little if it’s out of her say- she’s never asked him to bring her the juicy fruit. She steps closer to give him a look she doesn’t clock as anything specific. 

(To Namjoon it is absolutely begging).

(Namjoon is a sucker.)

“No hug this time?” He asks her, pulling his arm with the plastic bag back around his back out of her reach. He stretches his other arm out for the hug, fake-hurt eyes looking down at her. 

She wants to relish in the feeling of his warmth- a constant heater- but she really would rather have the fruit as quickly as possible. She gives him a quick squeeze not even long enough for Namjoon to put his arm around her. All she can do is smile up at him and wait. 

Luckily he gives in, handing her the bag. 

“So, what should we do today?” Namjoon asks. 

She mentally smacks herself for forgetting everything so easily. 

“Actually- can we, maybe, go out today? Just to talk?” 

“Definitely. Do you have somewhere specifically you want to go?”

She thinks of all the places she’d be most comfortable at when having this conversation. Surprisingly- all that matters is that Namjoon is at that place with her. That’s where she’ll be most comfortable. 

“No, anywhere is fine.” 

-

It’s the same park where she was able to run freely in- the grass tall and breeze light, just as it was that day. He was the first person to ever open her up to the point he did that day as well. He was gentle, sweet. She has no idea how to act around Namjoon, but she wants to think they’re friends. Maybe this isn’t just a volunteer-case relationship. Or maybe this is just how hybrids treat each other and she never knew. With care and mindfulness that shows they’re all the same in some way. 

But, no matter how hard she tries- she can’t not think about him. About the way he holds himself, how perfect he is toward her. She didn’t have an ideal type before this, never once did she think that she’d be able to pick a person from a bunch and have these strange feelings. But he’s Namjoon- and she doesn’t want to lose him. 

She doesn’t let herself think too hard about it, this conversation will give her all the answers she needs. 

With both their windows down, Y/N watches as the park they ran in is slowly passed. She looks back at the large field, thinking of that day and why he didn’t stop to relive it. 

“Where are we going?” She turns to him. Never does she watch him as he drives them each time. She can’t put her finger on it just yet- but the sight of him and his muscles that she never pays attention to as he shifts the gear, turns the wheel, and rests his arm on the window makes her mad. Or irritated? Or- something. She just avoids seeing them as much as possible. 

“There’s this pretty look-out spot just up this hill, we’ll be able to see the park from there and the city in the horizon. I think you’ll like it.” 

The drive isn’t much longer but it’s definitely much more scary than usual. The steep sides of the hill that the road winds up to create is causing her to slink back into her seat so she doesn’t have to look at the drop. Namjoon maneuvers the twists well, but she can’t help but heave out a sigh when they finally reach the spot at the top that he parks into and cuts the ignition.

She forgets about the watermelon in her lap, immediately opening the bag to distract herself with something refreshing. Namjoon’s hand rests on her shoulder with a touch that’s barely even felt. 

“Are you okay? I’m sorry I should’ve warned you the drive was a bit much for the first time.” Her anxious nerves loosen up with the comforting touch, popping a piece into her mouth for further distraction. 

“It’s fine.” She looks out in the distance she wasn’t able to fully take in. The mid-day bustle of the city is quiet from here- silent and calling for appreciation. She didn’t realize how big it all was. “It’s pretty.” 

This is the first city she’s been in, two nearby towns and the surrounding areas were always small and harder to be unnoticeable in. She was in this city the longest after she realized she truly couldn’t take the stares and pitied looks any longer. In the city it’s a lot more common to be on the sidewalks, in alleys, under dried, old bridges. This was a place she could get used to living as she did- at the bottom of the food chain. Alone. It was the easiest way. 

“It is. Perfect for the good news I have.” Namjoon gives her a cheeky smile that lightens her mood unknowingly. “You can meet Taehyung whenever you’d like.”

“Taehyung?” She turns to him to show her attention. 

“Sorry I never let you know his name. I wasn’t sure how everything would go at the organization- and I didn’t know how to cross that line between us. Personal details and such.” Namjoon gives a little wave of his hands, nervous-looking for the first time. 

“But anyways, Taehyung would love to meet you this week, or even this weekend. He doesn’t need to be a volunteer to- I talked to him about it after we left the organization. He’d like to get to know you without any labels anyways. He wants something natural.” 

Her cheeks pink at the knowledge of Taehyung’s eager sounding wants when it comes to her. She didn’t think anyone would ever want to meet her. Let alone meeting her out of choice and wanting something more out of it all. This is a special case. Maybe he won’t like the way she acts, or the amount of emotional baggage she carries- maybe she’s not what he imagined- 

“Namjoon.” His name forces its way out before she can think more on it. 

 “Yeah?”

“Are you sure that I should meet him?” Namjoon’s attention snaps to her gaze. 

“Of course I’m sure. Are you- do you not want to anymore? It’s okay if you-”

“No. No, I want to. I just-” Her throat closes at the sight of his attention. His scanning eyes are trying to read her. A raw feeling of something bitter and gross fills her mouth. Her past, the things she’s done, the desires she has- she pushed them all down when they found her under that bridge. She promised herself she’d never look back. She’d never tell anyone. She’d never have to be that person again. She has the chance to be someone new. And still these awful things want to be seen. 

“Y/N?” Namjoon’s warm hand is placed on her’s that she set on the middle console. Instead of the usual warmth he gives her, the wretched memories make her yank herself from underneath him- sticking both her hands underneath her seated bottom. She pushes down the tears threatening to silently release. 

“You don’t know anything about me.” She whispers, worried about what she’ll say otherwise. She’s already turned to look out at the horizon so she doesn’t have to see his reaction to anything. 

“What do you mean?” 

She swallows thickly at the sound of him. God, this is worse than she’d thought it’d be. 

“You know nothing about me, Namjoon. Why would you trust me with him? Why would he want to meet me? Why-” She has to stop as a crack in her voice threatens to cause her wet eyes to spill over. “Why are you so nice to me when you know nothing?” It’s not how she wanted it to go. It’s not as simple as she wanted it to be. An impending feeling already takes hold. She’s doing this too soon. 

“Y/N.” Namjoon grabs her attention once again. Her attention is on him but she still doesn’t take her eyes away from the city. 

"Y/N." The assured voice draws her in more than she'd like to admit. Her eyes find his again. There's nothing malicious- only concern and interest.

"Can I ask why you are asking these questions? Just so I can understand better."

She tries to find disingenuous hints in his expression. The tightness of his features proves she can do this with him- he's being genuine. 

"No one knows anything about me except me. No one has ever shown me respect or care like Maria does, like- like you do. What- Why? Why would you? Why do all of this with nothing in return? Why waste your money and time with someone you have no reason to be around?" 

She somehow keeps her composure despite her voice being all over the place. 

“I’m trying to forget everything and just let it go but- but it’s obviously not working. And I’m confused as to why suddenly everyone is nice to me. After everything I’ve been through, now it’s like- it’s like nothing happened and everyone, including me, is ignoring it. I’m irritated, and I’m irritated that it’s my fault.” 

The tears fall helplessly now, silently and without any grand show of arrival. She can barely see his face through the blurry wetness- she wouldn’t want to see his reaction anyways. She’s embarrassed more than anything. 

“Y/N, I’m not here for no reason. I’m here for you.”

Her scoff is an audible, gross thing she can’t stop from coming out. 

“You want me to believe that?”

“Yes. Because I told you. Because you said I respect and care about you. Because I have a choice to be here, to spend my time and my money on you- and I choose to be here. With you.” His voice is even and gentle unlike hers- making her feel more wrong, more out of place and rancid next to someone like him. 

“Don’t do that.” Namjoon almost pleads. 

“Do what?” 

“I can tell when you’re thinking too much. Your eyes don’t meet mine and they go out of focus, your ears turn down like mine do when I’m overthinking, and your tail tightens around your waist. I can tell.”

She insecurely wraps her arms around her waist to cover her tail, feeling vulnerable. 

“We’re responsive and emotional- hybrids- we need emotional connection and likeness in something and someone. I’m here to be there for you when you need that.”

“I don’t want to be a case that someone has to tend to. I want a friend- I want-”

“What makes you think we’re not friends?” Namjoon cuts in when she can’t think of that specific thing she craves. 

“We know nothing about each other.” She mumbles, wiping the wetness from her face. 

“And we won’t know everything about each other for a long time. That doesn’t mean we’re not friends- that means we’re learning. It’s only been a couple weeks, Y/N, we aren’t just going to immediately tell each other everything. I know you wouldn’t want to- and I don’t want to just yet.” 

“Because you can’t trust me.”

“Because I want us to have something real. Something long-lasting and considerate. I don’t want us to trauma-dump and rely too greatly on each other. Of course no relationship is perfect, but that’s why we’ll learn. That’s why I’m glad we’re having this conversation.”

She composes herself enough with his response, relaxing just the slightest into the passenger seat. 

“Do you trust me?” He suddenly asks after not getting a response from a thinking Y/N. 

“Yes,” she confesses with a whisper, “that’s why I’m scared. Because I know nothing about anything and I still trust you.”

“I trust you too.”

“No you don’t.” 

“What’s the difference? Between your truth and my supposed lie?” 

“You’re perfect. You’ve got a family to think about and feelings you haven’t shared with me. You’re a hybrid- I barely am one, how would you trust someone like me?”

She watches as Namjoon’s eyes point out the changes in her comfort based on the slightest of movements. She just about scoffs again at the realization that she has no idea about any tells in hybrids. She knows nothing. 

“Our difference in backgrounds doesn’t change the feelings we have, or the responses we have to each other. Your choice to keep your past a secret is the same I have made. I haven’t always had a family and I haven’t always been the Namjoon you know. It doesn’t matter anyways, our past- not when we’re just trying to find people to comfort us and care for us.” Namjoon swivels his head to make sure Y/N is looking into her eyes when he finishes his response. 

“To trust blindly is the most vulnerable thing we could do- and that in itself is a lot more important- more meaningful than the pasts we are trying to hide.”

Y/N is speechless to say the least. Teary eyes watch Namjoon as his downturned eyes plead with her to understand. She doesn’t ever want to see him looking at her like this again- the ache in her chest and limbs clenches harder and harder with every passing second. 

“So- ask me again.”

“What?” 

“Ask me again why I trust you to meet Taehyung.”

At first she’s hesitant, closing her eyes to take a few deep breaths she desperately needs. Her lungs hurt but she breathes until they aren’t as tight. 

“Why would you trust me with him?” 

“Because I do. That should be enough, but since it’s not- I trust you because you’re a hybrid- because I know you both need this- because I met you and you’ve been nothing but gentle in our time together- because you are worried about who I bring around Taehyung, and that means more than you can imagine- because you’re you, Y/N. Because everything leading up to now has been nothing but pleasant and trusting.”

“Is that enough for you?” He asks with finality that she can feel in her bones. Because it is enough. It’s more than enough. It’s more than she could ever ask for and even-even more. Because she’d trust his judgment of hearself even if it wasn’t true. She’d shape herself into whatever he wanted.

“Yes. It is.” She swallows down a swirl of strange feelings, trying to grasp onto something to say, something to prove herself with. “You believe that I trust you?”

“I want you to trust me, with every piece of truth I can muster, I’d hope you feel that you can lean on me, trust that I’ll be there for you.”

This is turning into something she was nowhere near expecting. He’s putting far more into it than she thought he would. He’s crushing her down into a palm-sized thing for him to have and keep for whatever he’d need or want. 

“I’m scared to meet him.” She confesses. “I’m scared that I’ll be nothing he expected, nothing he’d care to meet again. I’m scared that it will mean everything to me but he’ll realize I’m broken and incomplete and he’ll never want anything to do with me.” She takes another deep breath, ready to seal her fate. “I’m scared that his distaste for me would lead to me never seeing you again.” 

The silence feels so suffocating, Namjoon just sits, waiting for something she can’t figure out. Until he’s opening his door and walking around to her’s, opening it and waving her out with no words. Blindly, she follows. Keeping her arms around herself to self-soothe. 

“Yell it. Yell out how you feel.” He stretches his arms out towards the horizon. 

“Why?” She asks, still stuffy-nosed and wet-eyed. 

“No matter our age, no matter the emotion that’s overwhelming us, we need to expel the pent up adrenaline that’s eating us alive. Yell it while no one but me can hear. Yell it to get it out of your bones and muscles- let it be between us.”

She looks at him skeptically but turns to the city, taking in the colors, the breeze, the obvious life that thrives there.  

“I’m scared.” 

“Louder.”

“I’m scared.”

“Louder, put your whole body into it.”

Y/N uncrosses her arms, unwraps her tail, and tries again. Leaning forward, she tries to forget how stupid she looks. 

“I’m scared!” She screams with a crack.

“Of what?” 

“I’m scared! Of everything!”

The relief is almost instant. A weight releases from her that she didn’t realize was a constant companion. With the relief comes an audible choke that she can’t stop. The loud sob causes her to bend over and catch herself on her knees. Sobs and choked breaths rip from her- all those times she forced herself to be silent in her pain, this is how it repays her. This is how her body finds revenge. 

But this time she’s not alone. 

Namjoon

The urge to soothe, to comfort is too strong for him to just watch as she breaks down in front of him. This was his idea- even if he knew she needed it, the expulsion of her emotions is more than he can handle to just watch. 

He gently pulls her up by the shoulder, letting her decide if she wants the same thing when he turns her toward him. Thankfully, there’s no hesitation in her leaning into him, pressing her wet face into the front of his shoulder, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist and torso. He doesn’t have to think about holding onto her, rubbing her back in motions he hopes are soothing for her. 

He lets the breeze-filled silence fill their space, waiting until her sobs turn into minimal hiccups and shaky breaths. 

“It’s okay to be scared,” he starts with a sure but calm tone, “but you don’t need to be scared about this one thing at least. Taehyung and I were the first of our pack. I know my pack very well, but Taehyung and I have had a lot of time to get to know each other.” He can’t help but let a light laugh out at the remembrance of their past. “I know that this meeting means the world to him- it means more than anything I think. He’s very in touch with his cheetah, and he has no one to share that with. None of us are like him. You could hate him and vow silence towards him and he’d still try over and over again to change your mind. He’s minimalistic and puts his thoughtfulness into actions instead of words. He’s emotional but extremely shy- he’ll want to be around you just to have you near, just to make sure you're real and safe.” 

Namjoon tries to think of anything else to reassure her, anything he knows is true and would help to calm her nerves. 

“I’m not in touch with my cheetah.” Her voice is more of a hum into his shoulder than anything, making goosebumps prickle underneath his long-sleeve shirt. 

“He won’t mind it one bit. Honestly-” He pulls back a little, causing her to pull her face from his body and look up at him. Her puffy eyes and red features make his heart clench, his ears immediately drooping at the sight. “I think he could help you with that more than either of us realize.”

-

“Are you sure about this?” Taehyung asks for the third time since they were getting ready to leave the house. This time, Namjoon is pulling into the Caddel household’s driveway as Taehyung looks around the front of the house nervously. 

“Yes. I was sure this morning, and I’m sure now.” 

Taehyung gives him an eye roll that could kill and waits for Namjoon to start the adventure up the front door before he takes action right behind him. 

Namjoon was careful to instruct Taehyung on possible triggers for Y/N before they set out for the day. He’s extremely understanding, especially when he can relate to what can cause discomfort. He also made the effort to wear freshly cleaned clothes to limit scents and present his own scent upfront. 

Namjoon’s at the door before Taehyung can ask anymore questions, knowing that if he could sit and anxiously wait for hours he would. With two knocks he expects Y/N to answer the door, but this time it’s Maria. 

“Hi sweetie,” she gives a smile to Namjoon, herding the boys into the house to take off their shoes and put on guest slides. “You must be Taehyung, very nice to meet you.” She smiles at him but doesn’t make him give a proper greeting to keep it casual. 

“Nice to meet you too.” Taehyung responds back as he waits for Namjoon to kick his shoes off. “Thank you for allowing me to visit Y/N.”

“Oh, of course! I’m very glad she has you guys, I want to do more for her but this is really the best way I can do that. So, thank you as well. Speaking of Y/N, she’s in her tree again- got too nervous and has been up there for about an hour now.” Maria explains. 

“You’re doing a lot for her, Maria, I know she really appreciates you. And thank you for letting us know.” Namjoon makes sure to let her know.

“Thank you for letting me know, I’ll try my best not to disappoint. You guys can go right out, I’ll have lunch ready in an hour.” She gives them confident smiles before letting them go. 

Namjoon leads the way, head circling with the possible outcomes. What if he doesn’t know how Taehyung would react? What if he was wrong and Y/N hates him forever because of it. What if he breaks her trust with the hope he wasn’t even trying to hide. He pushes that down, putting the trust he has in Taehyung to the forefront of his worries. He knows him. He knows how much this means to him. 

Y/N perches in her usual spot, looking up instead of out over the fence. Taehyung waits a few steps behind to allow her to come down to him out of choice. Another detail Namjoon thought would be good to include. 

“There she is.” Namjoon smiles up at her as she startles again. Her fast growing hair is in a high ponytail today, a common style now that she has the means to take care of it properly. The strands are pulled back carefully to accommodate her ears. The fuzzy, little things search for an out of sight Taehyung once she realizes he’s here. He gives her a minute to figure out what she wants to do. With a nervous look at Namjoon, he gives her an assured nod. 

It seems to be all she needs as she moves and hops down with practiced ease. With a look at Taehyung he sees the same nervous expression, giving him a knowing look to show it’s going to be okay as well. 

She peaks around the trunk just as she did when meeting Namjoon, but this time she wastes no time showing herself. She side steps to get to Namjoon’s side, accepting a reassuring hand on her back. 

“Taehyung, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Taehyung.” 

Y/N

She honestly didn’t know what to expect in terms of feelings upon meeting him. There is that anxiety she hates so much, and the impending feeling of doom that she seems to have so much lately- but, there’s something else there. 

He’s pretty, just like Namjoon- he looks nothing like Namjoon, but pretty just the same. His hair is lighter than both her’s and Namjoon’s, a wavy style that seems effortlessly perfect. His ears peak out the top of his light brown waves, camouflaging well into the strands. He’s in clothes that seem to match her’s. Plain, comfortable bottoms and a plain t-shirt under a plain zip-up. His tail catches her eye, swaying effortlessly, lifted and cared for with no thought behind it. She looks down at her own to see it still wrapped around her waist like always. 

She gives him a nervous glance before unraveling it from herself and letting it fall as it usually does. She isn’t used to keeping it up, her muscles ache after those unplanned times it seems to have a mind for itself and sway around with no direction. Even now, she lets it fall into the grass under her socked feet- but it takes tentative swishes around under the attention of Taehyung. 

As she avoids looking at his face to not have to see his reaction to her unsure instincts, she startles at a sound from him. A shocked sound of joy leaves the other cheetah, causing her to look at him and find a toothy grin that stuns her. She looks up at Namjoon who seems to have a very similar expression towards Taehyung. 

“Go ahead.” He gives her a light nudge on the back. 

It’s not disgust on Taehyung’s face. It’s an expression she can’t place, but at least it’s not disappointment. He’s smiling at her so earnestly, she doesn’t think twice about taking the tentative steps to stand in front of him. Despite his now content smile, she can see his details up close. The wetness in his eyes surprises her. 

“Taehyung?” She questions. 

“You’re real.” He says, sounding more like he’s convincing himself than stating it to her. “You-” He lifts his hand to roll a curl of her’s between his fingers, looking at her and watching her in awe. She tries her best not to shy away, letting him search for whatever he needs if it means he’s okay with her. 

“Hi.” She gives him in the silence, hoping she doesn’t sound awkward. Her smile is content under his attention despite not knowing him. With her greeting she takes in his scent, the warm, fresh scent seems to perfectly fit him. 

“Hi.” He responds back, his voice less stable than before. 

Her overthinking in how he feels blocks her instincts. An underlying feeling of want and yearn creeps their way into her muscles. Her own cheetah wants something she can’t quite figure out. Just like in times of pain, her cheetah is responding in a time of want. It’s a new warmth, a new feeling of being heard and understood. 

He’s being vulnerable for her, he’s emotional in front of a stranger when Namjoon said he was usually shy. He’s being sincere- she can try to find a way to do the same. 

Instead of blocking that scary feeling of unknown want, she tries to let it slip out, she tries to show him some part of her he can see as meaningful. To show them both that she’s trying. 

Taehyung

Despite Namjoon telling him that Y/N wasn’t familiar with her cheetah, he can feel it. He can feel a connection of familiarity that he’s yearned so long for. Her pretty ears and tail are just like his. Their patterns and colors so similar. And up close, she’s perfect. She’s nothing he could have imagined. She’s far better than anything he could’ve honestly dreamed up. 

She looks up at him with curiosity that melts him. He doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable but he needed to touch something, feel her in some way and make sure she was really in front of him. 

“Hi.” She says, her voice uncertain but light. Her uncertainty in it all makes his cheetah want to soothe, his heart hurting at whatever she could be going through. 

“Hi.” He responds, no knowing exactly what she needs in the moment. 

He lets Y/N watch him, search him for whatever she may need. Her ears and tail tell him she’s thinking, looking for what to do and how to act around him. He debates cutting in and trying to be vocal about his intentions, but it seems Y/N decides first. 

With Taehyung’s hand just out of reach of her face, Y/N leans towards him. Her cheek meets his fingers still holding her hair. He drops the strand, letting her move as she pleases. Her soft skin rubs against his fingers- he opens his hand to welcome her more. She takes the offer, fully resting her cheek in his palm, her eyes starting to water. 

Taehyung does his best to take it slow, rubbing his thumb into the top of her cheek with slow strokes. Once she’s okay with that motion, she turns her face into his palm, being able to smell him and now her scent mixed with his. 

“Taehyung.” She whispers, sounding like she’s in pain from whatever she’s thinking. 

“Y/N.”

[zombeebunnie]

Trembling Essence:💙Script progress + Updates💙

Hello and welcome new followers, long time no see! I was very busy most of this month, but I am back and ready to continue from where I left off on the game! This game development post might be a bit long but I tried to condense everything! :]

"How are things going so far?":

It's going slow and steady! I haven't been able to do too much these past few weeks, however, I wrote a few parts out before I got too busy and couldn't do anything else.

I want to be very careful when it comes to spoilers but, based on your choices, some of these areas will give off immersive cozy/homelike vibes that really express Noah and the player(Y/N)'s view towards each other. In the old 2023 script I was very new to writing so the small semi-hints of romance weren't the entire focus compared to the horror aspect but there's a better balance between both genres now and I'm still aiming for a meaningful slow burn versus it just being all over the place. :] I liked writing them a whole bunch which lead to a lot of these taking place in the mid/end of Day 4+, they just need to be placed in specific areas that call for it. With that being said, it felt really comfy adding key details about Noah and creating meaningful sections in the game. I was even going to draw out some of the unseen script/scenes but I believe the best thing to do is give deeper lore from the [Extended Demo] first. Even though my writing style has improved I still have to fix the multiple pacing issues I wrote last year.

"Playtester's advice":

I wanted to continue working through Noah's backstory but I kept having moments where I'd get sidetracked into wanting to fix up the start of the game again. Eventually, I talked to my play testers about it and they gave me a few encouraging pointers.

To help keep my process at ease, I will fix the beginning of the game when I take breaks from writing up Noah's backstory. :]

I talked about this during early 2024 but the start of the game that leads up to the cabin is still getting reworked. I was able to get some of it fixed for the [Extended Demo] but I wasn't done. Things are still up in the air but, I will say that I have a better view of everything than I did before. :] Another priority that needs fixing are the backgrounds! I've improved a lot on drawing and they need to be optimized. When you first start up the game, you wake up in a holed out tree in the swamp with the choice to leave this area and possibly end up in the forest. I was going for a very immersive form of symbolism that only a few noticed but, I believe I can do a better job about this. Unfortunately I don't have any new backgrounds to show right now but maybe next week I'll have some finished up! :]

"Art process/Noah's sprite sheets":

As far as Noah sprite sheet goes, it's still in sketch mode.

I didn't draw anything since I was gone so I need to do a few warm ups before I get to them. There are some old drawing prompts I wrote down and old sketches that I never got a chance to doodle so hopefully I can get to them at some point with some attached lore. :,]

My Q&A / Ask box has been reset!

Thank you to those who have sent in asks in the past, unfortunately they all disappeared except for 1 while I was gone. I have no idea what happened but I can only guess it just got reset.

If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask or resend them in here please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I would really like to hear from you guys!

This is all I have to share so far, Thank you to everyone for the continued support and patience while I was gone! I was ready to accept the interest for this game to fade out and coming back to see that it didn't happen makes me happy, I really appreciate it. :,]

[zenkindoflove]

Surprise self-rec time! Pick 3 of your favorite things you’ve written and share them here, then put this in the inbox (anonymously or not) of your fellow writers to spread the positivity and help celebrate already written fics

(Added side quest from @achaotichuman, tell me what inspired your fics, why you love them so much etc etc, tell me EVERYTHING)

I can only choose three?!? *cries* Okay, I'll try lol.

...And Again Into the Light (Elucien)- This is a fic I cowrote with @crazy-ache. After our joint writing adventure where we wrote Dear Lucien, Dear Elain, we wanted to write together again. I suggested we write a horror romance story because I thought it would be a fun co-writing genre because we could leave each other with both spooky and sexy cliffhangers for the other to pick up. And that is exactly what we did. When we write together, we start with a basic idea and structure and we really "yes, and..." the rest of the process. I really like writing horror. It's one of my favorite genres and this was an opportunity for both me and Ariana to play around in that sandbox. And I think we did a DAMN good job at it. I think it's a pretty unique piece too, which is kind of a theme we've had in the projects that we've co-written. We both were really inspired by the idea of Elain and Lucien being trapped in a haunted house together, and what we ended up creating was a interesting exploration of the mating bond (because duh, it's them) on top of all the haunts and scares that were going on.

Kneel Before Me (Elucien) - I wanted to include this one because it was the first fic that came to mind when I read this question. I love this fic because both the inspo and the premise is kind of unhinged for me. This fic was entirely driven by fandom ship war wank. At the time, the new ship war topic of discourse was whether or not Azriel really could defeat Lucien in a blood duel, and the takes were driving me nuts. So, Kneel Before Me was me channeling my rage into art. The premise is Azriel and Lucien spar on the HoW's roof top and Azriel eggs him on into a real fight that tests the theory of who would actually win in blood duel like circumstances, followed by some hot Elucien smut where I might have went a little crazy writing an excessive paragraph long description of Lucien's dick because all of the bat boy obsessions, wing span jokes, and just generally people forgetting Lucien's existence and that he's HOT. And hey, look. I know when I'm cooking and I fucking COOKED with this fic. Even though I did tag it anti-Azriel because I wanted to be upfront that the fic doesn't depict him in a positive light, I've had a lot of Azriel fans read it and confirm for me that they don't actually think it's anti-Azriel at all and they like the twist I incorporated that made it all make sense and feel in character. Because even if I'm being a little cracky, I can't help but want things to make sense for the characters as they are.

Summer Heat (Elucien + Erixius) - This fic is my big multichapter fic that is now turning into a series with the sequel I'll write once I'm done with Pull Me in Deeper. The inspiration was really simple. One of my falling asleep day dreams included Elucien having some fun and awkward flirty moments in awkward and making out on the beach and I was like, "okay I keep thinking about this so I should write it." It definitely is an example of my first outline way underestimated the story it became. I didn't even initially have a plan to have a significant Eric x OC side story but once I created Alexius it really just became an animal of its own. This story I think is some of my best work in that it really spans the spectrum of my skills - comedy, romance, smut, angst, and generally a decent plot. It's the first time I made an OC. I did some new world building. And from experimenting with those the story blew up into something way bigger. I anticipate Golden Visions, the sequel, to be an even longer story which sort of gives you a perspective on how much I was inspired by both of those processes. At its core, I really wanted Summer Heat to be a romantic comedy. And I think it still has that essence but I'm not sure it can really be called that anymore with some of the angst and fantasy world building I built into it changed things. I also tried to write a slow burn for Elucien (and very much not a slow burn for Erixius) which I think I was successful at by my definition of a slow burn lol.

Thank you so much for this ask!!! This was so fun! I could write little paragraphs like this about all of my fics 🤣.

[watermelinoe]

don't say that i want to read your isekai opinions

i feel like i am being buttered up here but i will allow it bc i do love talking abt isekai hehe ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

so for context what made me think more abt isekai as a genre was finishing the main story chapters of saving my sweetheart, which i think is really strong for the first two thirds and then loses it in the last third for reasons i will explain shortly

and i've had this issue w other isekai/regression manhwa (i pr much lump these together under the isekai umbrella even though it is not technically the same thing) where things are just too easy, one that comes to mind off the top of my head is i shall master this family, which has great art and i like that it's less focused on romance but i ended up getting bored bc the protagonist just. never loses. she can always use her past life experience to perfectly predict what will happen and completely curbstomp whoever her opponent is.

"but isn't that the appeal of an isekai??" you may ask and you would be INCORRECT, yes the wish fulfillment element of isekai is about getting a do-over, but more than that my favorite thing abt the genre is how it plays with expectations and the idea of fate/any kind of higher power that decides how things are "supposed" to be. and oftentimes this force is an active character and antagonist. i've seen several manhwa now where the characters essentially have to beat "god" in order to get their happy ending. there are no predestined endings and true love is the love you make with the person you choose, not someone who is chosen for you. soulmates are made, not created. these are all themes that are extremely important to me and why i think isekai as a genre works so well. i'm someone who LOVES tropes - as tv tropes always says, Tropes Aren't Bad. isekai plays with tropes like i used to play with my dinosaur toys. it's supposed to be self-aware, it's supposed to subvert expectations, it's supposed to be fun and genre savvy and meta. it's really a treat for people who care a lot about the mechanics of storytelling.

the working isekai formula relies on establishing the wish being fulfilled - why is this person being reincarnated? and the answer to that question generally determines how the story first plays out, which is typically one of two ways, where the female lead either has to claw her way up through obstacle after obstacle, or the female lead is immediately welcomed and loved in her new life (but often there is still some underlying conflict that keeps her from being at ease and embracing Happily Ever After, such as her knowledge of what's "destined" to happen in the future). the latter is more of a hurt/comfort trope usually following a depressing first life. in either case, at the beginning the female lead can rely on her insider knowledge to score some wins early on, but the essential key is that there comes a point where her past knowledge means nothing anymore because the story has changed too much. and usually there will be an additional twist as well. this is to keep things from being too easy for the female lead, because even in a revenge story, it's not actually satisfying to watch someone win over and over with no meaningful conflicts. the archvillain's daughter-in-law also has a female lead who seemingly never misses, but the difference is that she thinks her father-in-law is planning to kill her so his son can remarry the royal princess (divorce is illegal), and honestly at this point in the story without spoiling anything that still seems like a reasonable fear. so the story isn't boring because you have this conflict of interests, she's attached to her new family but also knows she needs to be dead for her father-in-law to accomplish his overall goal. i shall master this family doesn't seem to have that extra layer, everything just goes her way.

saving my sweetheart does a great job with challenging the female lead for the first ~90 or so chapters and then in the last third, i swear literally every single obstacle is squashed before you can even start to worry about it. including the main looming death flag introduced at the very beginning of the story. it just no longer matters at a certain point. and obviously as readers we know that these types of stories will work out in the end, but for some reason this story decided that the characters should know that, too. in the third act. they literally solve things by showing multiple characters the future. sorry but if the main characters already know it's going to be okay... why am i here exactly lol it was like the story said yeah yeah you know what it's gonna be like huh??? what a baffling choice

and it's dangerously easy for stories that use gods as major players to eliminate any real challenge for the main characters because they literally have the power of god and anime on their side. there has to be some excuse why whatever divine power can't just stomp the bad guys with a giant foot monty python style. it's also just.... less satisfying for a story to have the Ultimate Objective Good on the side of the main characters. Good is often Boring. i liked how flirting with the villain's dad portrayed its god as more human and flawed, like a greek god.

what really left a bad taste in my mouth by the end of saving my sweetheart was that fate was never against them in the first place, it was the villain who upset the balance, and the two Good gods just give the main characters the answers because fuck it, you all know how it's gonna turn out anyway, who are we kidding. there's an especially laughable moment at the end and this will be a spoiler, but when a major character has to go to the land of the dead at the end to persuade another character to come back to life, this character worries bc in the happy future he originally saw, he wasn't in it. and for a split second you think there's going to be a nice message because the major character says smth like "i can't guarantee the future but i know we would be less happy without you in it" BUT THEN the goddess literally just fucking SHOWS the dead guy the future with him in it to prove it will all be fine and i am still not over it because WHAT WAS THE POINT THEN, what was the point of any of it, no one had to be uncertain for a single fuckin second because yknow power of god and anime

and i feel like an insane person bc everyone else was just like "this felt kinda rushed" but i had this whole rant built up inside me lmao i am aware i'm too into this genre but i think there's interesting parallels you can make here to like, christian media and why it's boring...

[mazeinthemiroh]

ur work is sosooosooooo good omg can i request a lil skz reaction if you aren’t too busy? it’s not close to valentine’s day yet but i’m in the sentimental mood, could you do their reaction to their s/o doing a big romantic gesture for them? love the fluffy vibes you give!!!!

stray kids when their s/o does something romantic for them

genre: fluff, romance

word count: 1.4k

warnings: not proofread!!

please like and reblog if you enjoyed! feel free to request anything <3

bangchan

arranges a spa day. let's be real; a spa date was long awaited. if anyone deserves a little spa sesh, it's channie. he works so hard, gets himself all stressed and worked up about things. he has so many responsibilities, so many things to think about and people to take care of. so yes, when you tell him you're treating him to a spa date, he very much welcomes and appreciates the idea. its something he would consider as romantic because he needs it, and the fact that you thought he would like it makes him feel super happy.

he loves the steam room because he thinks it's so cool and he is so surprised about how much he relaxed during his session. honestly, he thought he was still going to be tense and be thinking about things. but being with you in this experience just makes him feel so much more happier. the massage treatment was his favourite, obviously. he will continue to thank you forever because his joints feel better, his shoulders feel lighter, and he just feels so much more at peace.

lee know

takes care of his cats. we all know minho worries about his dear little precious fluffy babies a whole lot. and rightly he should! they are his family and mean so much to him afterall. but on occasions where they aren't feeling well or had just had a visit to the vet for an operation or something, thats when he worries about them the most. he wants to be there and keep an eye on them to make sure they keep out of harms way and try and make them as comfy as possible, but his job doesn't allow him the same flexibility as it used to.

you decide to take it upon yourself to volunteer to look after these fluffy little creatures. you dont even bat an eye when you tell him you're staying to look after them. you don't know just how. much this gesture means to him. with you, he knows that they are in safe hands and that he doesn't have to worry as much about them. he's so forever greatful to you. your relationship with his cats are important to him anyways, so this is just the icing on the cake.

changbin

goes on a trip with him. changbin has quite a sense of responsibility, but he also has a real lust for life. he has this incurable sense that there is more to life than just: wake up, workout, got to work, sleep, and repeat. he likes exploring and experiencing new things. variety is what keeps him going. so when you say you want to take a spontaneous trip away with him, he is so down. he loves the idea of just escaping the realities of every day life and spending time with you elsewhere, to focus on you and just having fun.

his favourite trip yet has been going back to his hometown. this was actually your idea; you felt it would give him great comfort. he was able to revist some important, nostalgic places form his childhood, as well as places he took for granted at the time, now able to look at them with fresh eyes and a developed brain. he got to appreciate these things as the adult he is now, and that is something truly special.

hyunjin

paints a picture of him. hyunjin was at first shy sith his talents with art, but soon readily showed and taught you how to paint, considering your keen interest in his new hobby. he didn't realise it himself but he was a very good teacher, and you got to learn many good skills from him. and so, with these skills, you decide that you would create a beautiful masterpiece of your boyfriend, showing him that he is the perfect teacher and giving him something to convey appreciation for him.

when you finally gave him the finishing product, at long last, he teared up. there was a note that came with it: 'you are the art i see in every day life. getting to know you and the way you see the world has been such a beautiful experience. may we continue to share the world together, my dear artist.'

han

writes him a song. of all the songs he has written about you, expressing his feelings, his adoration, the articulation of his love for you through the lyrics he had written late at night, you figured it was about time you gave the same amount of effort back to him. your talented, hardworking boyfriend inspired you so much, so writing a song about him was the least you could do. you even asked for a bit of guidance from changbin and channie to perfect the song.

but writing the lyrics was easy. this song was an expression of love for him. and hell, you could go on and on about how much he meant to you; how much he had changed your life for the better. its safe to say that when you finally played him the song you write for him, he cried buckets. he had no idea you would put this much effort into a gift for him. how greatful he was for you now.

felix

completes the bucket list. felix has a bucket list his been adding things onto since he was a child. part of him didn't think he would actually complete most of those things on the list; some things were really specific, and others were super vague. but you had the idea to complete the things on his list with him. that way, he would be motivated to go and you would both make memories together.

so when he showed you his bucket list again, ideas decide to form in your head. you saw different things on it: go to disneyland, learn to ride a horse, bungee-jumping, marvel marathon, tie dye a t-shirt - clearly all very random ideas he accumalated over time. you'd surprise him one day with one of these things, perhaps starting off small and working your way up to the bigger stuff. "you really want to do all this with me?" he will questioning with a beaming smile on his face. "of course" you'll reply, not knowing how touched he felt by this.

seungmin

set up a zoom date. honestly? covid and the whole lock down situation took a massive toll on seungmin. being isolated from everyone and not being are to see his favourite people really made him feel low. he felt restrained and trapped in his own environment. but not being able to see your face everyday hurt him especially. he felt so hopeless without you, and his mood got from bad to worse. he felt like there was more of a disconnect and he was worried that his relationship with you will weaken and slowly fade away due to the circumstances.

so when you come up with the idea to a zoom date for the first time, seungmin was deeply touched. you would get dressed up for him and everything, have a little candle on the side and try to eat the same thing for dinner as if you were sharing food. he found it so adorable and his deep love for you was affirmed by your kindness and persistent love that kept him going during these difficult times.

jeongin

buys him something important. jeongin likes shopping for different bits and bobs but jn general he is very good with his money. he likes to save money for the future, but also save up to buy something expensive to treat himself after working so hard on a new comeback. it's a habit he has gotten into and he likes having that freedom to buy something meaningful and well thought out after so long. and so he has a specific item in mind that he's been saving up for and wants to buy, getting excited to purchase it when the time is right.

and that's where you come in with the idea to buy it for him instead. you know how much he has wanted this gift and you thought that it would be a grand gift to tell him how amazing he has done and how his efforts have paid off. honestly, when he sees that you have bought it for him, he is so shocked, totally stunned out of his seat and doesn't know what to do with himself at all. he would have never expected you to do this at all and he feels to loved and appreciated by you.

[miscelunaaa]

in the midst of the earth | knj

pairing: doctor!namjoon x eastern orthodox novice nun!reader

genre: angst.

summary: After your grandfather is hospitalized following a massive stroke, Namjoon watches you pick up the pieces and try to hold them together all by yourself.

rating: 18+/M for dense, mature themes

word count: 5.7k

warnings: Hospitals. Athiest!Namjoon. Strokes and associated adverse medical events. Probable medical inaccuracies. Religious themes. Difficult family dynamics. Grief. Emotional fixations. Inexplicable tension. Minor character death. Meltdowns. Author knows nothing of what it is like to be a doctor or how treatment works behind the scenes. Author is also not a nun in any religious tradition, so there’s likely inaccuracies in that regard as well. Meltdowns. A single moment of weakness; kissing. Lofty science metaphors. Ambiguous ending.

notes: Hi. Welcome to Nun Fic. This fic has haunted me for like six months, and it’s taken almost as long to draft it. The idea first came to me during fic name game I did ages ago; the title has since changed but the motif that stemmed from the title does make an appearance a few times. This story is rooted in enough of parts of myself (probably too many in the first place) that to run over them here would take too long, and likely weaken the integrity of what I want this story to do. There are very likely some inaccuracies around how the medical or clerical parts of this fic work together. This is all to say perhaps have some discretion when responding to this, if you choose to do so? It remains that something doesn’t have to be wholly correct in order to be true. Some notes that may help you along as you read, or confuse you even further:

St. Kassia (Wikipedia)

Salvation is Created (YouTube), the eucharistic hymn from which I yoinked the title. For background on the piece, here’s a link to its Wikipedia page.

Also like, this is technically inspired by an Elvis movie??? Which I do not make a habit of watching ever but I was raised by a late boomer-aged white man who lives for cheesy romance so um … yeah like idk do with this but here’s yet another Wikipedia link if you’re curious.

Anyway, I have no excuses other than idk what the hell this is, just that it’s so excruciatingly important to me that I hardly know what to do with it now that it’s done. It’s not for everyone, and that’s okay. If you do read it, I hope you find it valuable in some way :)

my masterlist | my disclaimers | read on ao3

There’s something about you that bothers him, Namjoon decides. It’s not the fact that you’re a nun, though the overt piety of your very existence does in fact bother him more than he’d care to admit.

It’s the fact that you’re the singular quiet person in your entire family.

He’s met some jovial ecclesiastics in his time, so it’s seems incredibly strange. The other sisters he’d met at some time or other were far more talkative than you, and this is to say nothing of the numbers of priests and pastors he’s witnessed giving service at bedside. You’re so shockingly quiet that the only way he knows you’re around is the faint scent of incense coming off your clothes.

More than once you’ve startled him, sneaking up behind him like some strange, half-real shadow. He’s read about why you wear all black, why even your hair is covered with a weird little cape that looks like a black Christmas tree skirt. You’re supposed to be dead to the world.

You’re quiet enough to be, but the dead don’t smell like incense.

&&&

There’s a lot about Namjoon’s job that he likes, and there’s a lot that he dislikes. The feeling of first walking into the room when he’s had a new patient assigned to him is one of the things he dislikes the most. Now that they have this new patient stabilized, they have to look at next steps as they find out more information; he’s the one who has to convey all of that to the family.

The wide eyes of the each member of your family turn to him all at once, even yours. The room falls silent, each face looking at him with varying levels of hope and exhaustion.

And then the hard part of his job comes. It’s never pretty.

There’s so many people here for one person; it almost makes Namjoon sick. He’s watched patients rot away alone, with no one but a friend or a disinterested child to watch over them. It’s not uncommon for a patient to have no one at all. And this guy gets ... What, like ten people? Twelve? There’s so many that they sent him to a waiting room to discuss what’s happened to your grandfather.

A murmur passes through the family as he tells them that their patriarch has had a massive stroke. It’s unclear, he says, what the prognosis is. Only time will tell what the damage is, and that will dictate what happens with treatment and rehabilitation.

And then the questions start coming. Everything is run of the mill, and everyone, it seems, has something to say or ask. Everyone, that is, except for you. When you��re not looking at him intently, making the hair raise on his neck, you’re glancing at the clock or at the face of whoever among your people is talking. Even as the questions die down, you say nothing.

You simply reset your jaw, and keep your head down, brushing your fingertips over a dark coil of rope wrapped about your hand.

&&&

It would seem you have no where else to be. You’re the one Namjoon sees most often at your grandfather’s bedside over the next few days. It’s so odd that even the nurses have commented on it. Some think it’s sweet that you sit at his bedside in constant prayer, others are concerned for your health. Not once does anyone see a member of your family ask if you want to leave and do something else, and the nurses have noticed.

And still, you ask him no questions. You just look at him calmly, never rising from your seat in the corner, never saying anything, hardly acknowledging him or others who come and go. A placid nod, nothing more.

He wonders, at that point, what it must be like to hide your emotions from the world like this. He wonders what you’re feeling, if anything at all. And yet the tight set of your jaw tells him that even still waters run deep.

Whatever you’re feeling, you’re bent on keeping it between you and your god.

&&&

It’s been a week since he took on this new patient, and you’ve been around just a little less. Namjoon’s glad for it, mostly because he feels like he’s no longer being haunted by your constant presence whenever he comes to talk about new findings. It’s still not looking great; the patient is going to be in the in the ICU longer than Namjoon would prefer.

On day nine, the doctor realizes that, contrary to his initial opinions, he’d rather deal with you than any of the other people on rotation at the patient’s bedside. It’s almost embarrassing that he’s not sure whose offspring you are, but with such a limited look at your appearance, he’s accepted it. After speaking with your grandmother and a handful of people in the generation before you, he realizes that he’d prefer your stoic silence to the barrage of strangers who seem to think they know his job better than he does.

It’s nothing he hasn’t dealt with before. When it comes down to it, there’s nothing he can do for the families of his patients aside from remaining honest and forthcoming. What this patient needs the most right now is someone to wait for him to wake up. You seem to know that too, and Namjoon hates that he only now sees that you know more than he would have expected at first glance.

&&&

It bothers him, the way your family treats you. He’s heard their snide remarks, seen their wayward glances, felt the ceaseless expectation that your mild manners will benefit them. He didn’t notice it at first, too quick to draw conclusions he knows now to have been unfair. And now he can’t unsee what he’s noticed.

“Oh, Y/N will do it, you’ll stay here won’t you, Y/N?”

And his ears prickle at the careful tone you reply with. He doesn’t look up from his computer screen, but he imagines your jaw is tight as it so often is. “I can stay here, yes. It’s no trouble. But please, use my rightful name.”

The original speaker huffs a little, and another speaks up, trying to be kind but sounding patronizing instead. “Of course dear, what’s your adopted name again?”

“Kassia.”

Namjoon’s mind wanders as the conversation veers away to other things. It’s no wonder that your were present at your grandfather’s bedside more than anyone else. He finds the way they treat you shocking, to be honest; your complacence with the way they treat you shocks him even more.

&&&

He’d been surprised to walk by you in the hall minutes later, but then, the look of reined in anguish wasn’t much of a surprise, given what he’d witnessed mere moments ago. You probably feel stifled, he thinks, and who wouldn’t? He feels stifled by the family and he’s not even related.

He glances back to see that you’ve stopped in front of the map of the hospital near the elevators. You’re biting your lip, eyes glassy, your fingers twisted together with the black coil of rope you always have at hand. With an inward sigh, he turns back down the hall.

“Sister, is there something I can help you find?”

His sudden appearance startles you, but only just. Beneath your black clothes, he can see that you’ve tensed up.

“Doctor Kim.”

“Yes,” he says carefully. “Do you need help finding where you want to go?”

He shouldn’t have asked, shouldn’t have gotten involved in what ever business you have wherever, but he’s always been bad at ignoring upset folks. You’re just another person on the list, or at least that’s what he’s telling himself.

Your voice is quiet, but steady. “I’m trying to find the hospital’s chapel on the map but it’s a bit convoluted …”

“I’m on my lunch right now, I can just show you where it is, if you’d like.”

Namjoon could kick himself for meddling in your affairs like this, but when you assent, he shoves the regret down in favor of being cordial.

&&&

The walk had been quiet. He found it strangely pleasing that you kept up with his long strides. Namjoon supposes he expected you to walk timidly, and instead he found that you walked with purpose, but without the intent to draw attention. You faded away, just like you did at the patient’s bedside; it’s not a monastic’s job to be noticed.

And yet he’d noticed you, in spite of your spectral presence. Namjoon’s noticed so much about you that he wants to notice no longer. He can’t help it at this point; there’s just something about you that draws him in. He feels like he sees too much when he sees you, and yet it’s still not enough.

He doesn’t like it. It makes him feel obsessive.

Now, as he stands at the back of the little chapel and watches you approach the altar, he can’t help but think that maybe it’s just wonder. How is it that you are so young, but so dead to the world? Invisible to everyone but him?

Namjoon watches as you approach the altar, crossing yourself as you bow. The chapel is simple, it has none of the trimmings that the one would find in the churches you’re used to. Somehow, it seems this is enough; you take a seat in the front row and he watches as your shoulders slump a little. Underneath the humming quiet of the space, he hears a your sigh shake from your lungs.

It strikes him suddenly.

He feels like he’s intruding on a moment between you and your god.

He sighs and checks the time. He’s needed elsewhere, and he knows it. But the longer he stays in the little chapel, with its dim lighting and thick silence, the more alone he is with you. It’s suffocating.

It requires more effort than he’d ever care to admit, but he finally tears his eyes away from your hunched figure. He doesn’t feel your gaze follow him out as he leaves the chapel.

&&&

Since showing you where the hospital chapel is, Namjoon’s noticed his mind trailing to thoughts of you as he goes about his days. He makes his rounds, visits patients in intensive care, look over files that all seem the same; each moment is accompanied by the memory of your eyes meeting his own.

When he finally visits your grandfather’s room, he expects that seeing you again will leave him unaffected. After all, he’s been constantly haunted by the press of your gaze. If only wishing made it so. He walks into the room, and sees you sitting at the patient’s bedside, alone as always. When you look up from your prayer rope, it’s the same as it’s always been. It’s as if you see right through him. Like you see all of him all at once.

You nod silently, your features hard, your jaw tense.

Namjoon chews on the inside of his mouth. Is there even a reason he needs to be here? There’s been no change in the patient’s condition, and he’s not yet well enough to move to a different unit. He’s just toeing lines of unprofessionalism at this point by lingering without saying anything.

“Dr. Kim, may I ask you a question?”

It’s been days since he last heard your voice. He feels disordered. He feels like a man lost in a desert finally stumbling upon an oasis at which to rest. He feels like a prisoner seeing light for the first time in years.

“Sure,” he says. He thrusts his hands in his pockets so that they have something to do besides twist and fret with nerves. Why is it that you’ve begun to affect him in this way?

“I want you to be honest with me,” you say quietly, your eyes falling to your grandfather’s frail figure. “I know you’re not sugar coating it with the rest but—” You raise your eyes to Namjoon, and he finds himself holding his breath. “—I feel as though you’ve not been allowed to be forthright with them somehow.”

You’re not wrong. Your family is so large and loud that he’s hardly been able to get his points across about your grandfather’s condition. Shit, he’s surprised you’ve been able to hear anything he’s said over their raucous, emotional reactions to each bit of news.

He crosses his arms and meets your eyes, and he tells the truth. It’s not looking good. He should have been able to wake up by now, he should have been able to get moved to a different unit, he should already be on the road to recovery. And yet, none of that has happened. Your grandfather’s looking at only ever being half there for the rest of his life, however long it may last. And it may not last long. There’s only so much they can do.

To your credit, you hold up an excellent front. Your features are finely schooled, your gaze still and cold as you regard him steadily. But when you glance at your grandfather, Namjoon notices your fingers twitch in your lap. The rope in your hands is the only thing that betrays how disquieted you are.

&&&

When one works in medicine, sometimes one just hopes to be wrong. Namjoon wants to be wrong every time he has to give a patient’s family bad news, and yours is no exception. Relaying the outcomes to patients, while depressing and difficult, is always hard, but it gets a little easier each time.

Personally giving you the news himself made him want to believe in miracles.

When he sees you the next morning, you’ve already heard from whomever he’d talked to over the phone hours ago. Overnight, your grandfather experienced another stroke.

It was a rare moment, in some ways. No family had been with him, but Namjoon had been the doctor on call for the unit over night. He’s gotten little rest, he’s had little time to collect himself and stay grounded. He’s not been able to prepare himself to face you or anyone else. Chance is funny like that; you still ask him yourself and do it with that soft voice (the one that’s started to haunt him at ungodly hours) to tell you what happened and what the options are.

It’s not pretty. The patient has already started to experience massive organ failures and he’s comatose anyway, so it’s not like his systems are operating in a way that can keep him alive. For some reason he’s not letting go. Darkly, Namjoon wonders if he and his patient have something in common.

Before his thoughts can inspect that thought further, Namjoon forces himself to watch your reaction to the news. The steady, cold gaze with which you regard the world is cracking at the edges. He can see it. It’s there in the shadows under your eyes, the set of your jaw, even in the way your hands fidget in your lap as you sit at the patient’s bedside.

It’s only a matter of time before the cracks give and whatever you keep behind them comes crashing out.

&&&

After having to explain to the patient’s family—your family, all gathered in that stifling waiting room—yet again what the prognosis for this latest stroke event is, Namjoon’s feeling strung out and exhausted. It’s been a late night, he’s gotten very little sleep, and if he has to sit through another emotional moment with the family of any of his patients, he’s going to fucking loose it.

He finds himself walking briskly through the halls of the hospital over his lunch just to keep himself alert. He’d tried to resist the urge, but he even decides to walk in areas that he normally doesn’t frequent, including the wing the chapel’s on. It’s fortuitous, then, that the there’s a light shining through the frosted glass panes set into the heavy wooden doors.

Namjoon walks by once. And then he rounds back and walks by a second time after a few minutes. His curiosity gets the better of him when he sees the light still shining through the windows, and he finds himself carefully pulling the door open and ducking in.

You’re sitting in the front row, just like the last time he saw you in this room. It’s quiet—almost hauntingly so. The thick carpet and heavy doors deaden the bustle of the building. It feels like he’s stepped into another world; he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the sensation.

You don’t turn, not even when the door swings closed behind him with a thick thud. Not even as he deliberately shuffles to the front of the chapel and sits precisely where he sat days ago, the last time you and he were alone like this.

Namjoon regards you for a moment. Your eyes are cast low to the floor, your lips pressed tight, your jaw tense, the set of your shoulders beneath your habit somehow defiant. And still, your hands are tangled with that damned prayer rope, as if all you need to do is ask and your grandfather will magically be well.

When you don’t look up to meet his gaze, he settles back into his seat and looks at the altar. It’s plain; just a cross wrought out of wood and finished with a walnut stain on a wood-paneled wall. Two staves, not the four your church so often venerates. No icons, none of the brilliant gilding, no vats of sand for candles, no incense, none of the trappings you must be used to. And yet, you’re still here, alone in the silence.

“What do you need?”

His words surprise even himself. He never does this. He never reaches out to members of a patient’s family like this. Never one on one, never so isolated from the rest.

Namjoon watches as you shift in your seat. Air rushes from your lungs as a shaky sigh. When you meet his eyes with yours, all he can feel is your gaze and the feeling of his blood rushing through his ears and the itch to pull you closer to him. He speaks again.

“What can I do to help you?”

There’s something ablaze in your expression, something hot and heady buried deep within you, making your facade crack still more before him.

“I don’t need anything,” you say. The facade holds, it seems, but only just. Your eyes flicker from his and trace his face. He thinks they might linger for a moment on his mouth, but perhaps he’s just tired, or thinking wishfully.

It irritates him that you insist you need nothing. “Kassia, please. I—” The name tumbles from his mouth like it’s nothing. He has to fight reaching forward to touch you. “The hospital has grief counselors, they have social workers that can help you. You’re getting pushed into so much of your grandfather’s care and it’s wearing you out to do it all alone. It’s not good to internalize all this.”

Your face remains anguished, your posture rigid. You seem so fragile now, as if a light breeze might make whatever wall you keep between yourself and the world—and, by extension, Namjoon—will make it fall to pieces.

And then quietly, your voice hoarse with emotions you refuse to show, you say, “This is none of your business, Doctor Kim. How I choose to be there for my family is none of your business.”

Namjoon sighs, falling back into his seat. He can’t look at you now. He can’t make himself watch as more pieces of your front fall away.

“Can I reach out to the chaplain for you? Do you want me to see if he can arrange for you to see a priest?” He hardly recognizes his own voice; the low murmur feels at odds with the authoritative tone he always uses for this job.

“No, thank you. I can manage fine by myself.”

&&&

It’s hard. Awful, really. The trickle of guests in and out of your grandfather’s room over the next few days is so typical of what Namjoon has seen during the final acts of similar cases. This case is so utterly normal in his line of work, and yet it’s nothing like anything he’s ever had to handle before.

You’re still a shadow, sitting in your corners, standing behind your family members; somehow always there but never seen, never acknowledged. Namjoon himself tries to forget you’re there, but that faint smell clinging to your clothes pierces through the static scent of the hospital. Sometimes he thinks he feels your eyes on him while his back is turned, or perhaps on his face when he’s not looking. He also thinks it’s in his head, a bias looking to be confirmed because he can’t escape you, even once he’s gone home and scrubbed the hospital from his skin in the shower.

Does he linger in your mind as you do in his? Do you see him in your dreams as he sees you? He’s never seen an inch of your skin and yet he’s seen it all, just not here, not in this reality. He can’t be rid of your presence. You cling to him somehow, like the scent of smoke clings to clothes.

Like the incense clings to your habit, even now.

&&&

It finally happens, just as his night on call is ending. The sunlight is trickling over the tops of buildings and trees, through a sterile window. The chime of equipment gently signals to nurses and himself that something has gone wrong and then, as suddenly as it all began, it all stops. The patient is gone, and the paperwork that Namjoon was given after the last stroke event means that he can let the old man leave in peace. He can’t bring himself to look at you as you stand to the side, pressed back against a wall, shaking silently as you process what watching a person drift away looks like.

&&&

It’s been a little while. Namjoon was supposed to go home hours ago, but he’s stuck around to help inform the patient’s family about what the next steps are. Assorted aunts and uncles and cousins are milling around in that same fucking waiting room. It’s strangely quiet, for once; there are few questions or comments as he explains what happened. Nothing breaks the silence but sniffles and small, piteous wails that make him feel numb and dead inside. This sort of thing only gets so much easier with time; dealing with it effectively comes down to fortitude and lots of counseling for the compassion fatigue.

You’re there in the corner until the very end, when Namjoon suddenly realizes you’re not. Like a ghost, you’d managed to sneak off, and he’d not even noticed. Neither, for that matter, had your family. As he leaves the room, he hears someone ask another where you’ve gone. They use your birth name, and not your given name, and it takes all he has to not return and correct them as he walks away.

His feet carry him to the chapel without his agency. It’s automatic at this point; he finds himself wandering by this part of the hospital on his breaks all the time anymore. Instead of walking by, he stops in front of the doors.

He’s sure you’re inside. And he’s sure you’re in anguish. He’s not sure, however, if it’s him you want to check in on you. He’s not sure how much he cares.

With the press of a palm, he opens the door and slips inside the chapel.

The door settles shut behind him. That eerie, velvet silence settles around his shoulders like a cloak. It’s still so thorough and surprising for him that he almost misses the quiet sobs creating texture in the space. The wall between you and the rest of the world appears to have finally crumbled, leaving you alone in the wreckage, without a care for the damage its dissolution has done.

As he nears the front of the chapel, you tense and cast a glance over your shoulder.

“For Christ’s sake, Doctor Kim,” you laugh wetly. “Don’t you have a patient or something you should be attending to?” If you’re supposed to sound sardonic or bothered or even put out, it doesn’t work. You only sound hollowed out and broken.

“My shift’s finished actually,” he murmurs. “You weren’t with the rest of your family.”

“So you came here,” you sniff. “To what end, Doctor Kim? You can’t honestly be here to pray.” You’re on your feet now, rounding on him like some wounded animal fighting for the chance to be left alone. “I’ve seen the way you look at me, you hardly know what to do with someone like me.”

Namjoon takes the tirade in stride. You’re finally allowing yourself to feel something, and he’s not about to stop it. And you’re not wrong, not entirely.

“The nun has fucking feelings, a shock to everyone I’m sure,” you cry, words falling from you bitterly, like you can’t stop it. “I’ll be fucking damned if any of them give a shit about how I feel in all this. They got to go to work and live their lives and I was stuck here, watching him suffer.”

Namjoon watches as you start to crumble right before his eyes. He might have missed your walls coming down, but some part of him is glad he’s here for you to fall apart. Someone needs to pick up the pieces. It may as well be him.

“I’m the one who told him it was okay to go. I—” Tears are filling your eyes, spilling down your cheeks. “I held his hand j-just hours ago. I told him it was okay t-to let go. That it was t-time to just f-face whatever the fuck is out there when you die.”

He watches as you bring hand to your face to brush tears away, but instead the sobs wrack your body and you bare your teeth as you cry anew. He doesn’t know what to say. What could he possibly say to make any of this better for you?

Instead, Namjoon steps closer and holds his arms open. You fall into his chest unbidden, and he wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his body as close as he can. The way your warmth feels against his own is strange, because it feels far better, far more natural, than it has any right to be. You’re supposed to be dead to the world, and right now you’re anything but that for him in this moment.

You clench fistfuls of his shirt in your palms. This ache, this hurt … this isn’t something he can fix, and yet it seems he’s the only one who’s ever cared to even fucking try. It breaks his heart more than loosing any of his doomed patients ever could. He finds himself trailing his fingers over your back in what he hopes are soothing circles.

He’s not even sure you’re really with him to hear him say, “Shhh, it’s alright, you’re okay, I’m right here for you,” until you suddenly raise your head to look him straight on. Tearstained cheeks, shining eyes that are starting to look a little swollen, just like the lower lip you’ve probably chewing on nonstop. And yet, Namjoon can’t help but feel drawn in by your gaze, still magnetic and haunting as ever.

Your fists tighten around the fabric inside them as you glance between his eyes and his lips. Namjoon realizes, suddenly, coldly, that your faces have become close, that he can feel your shuddering breath creeping across his skin.

He’s not sure who moves first. He’ll never be sure. It’s so instantaneous that it feels almost inevitable, like this is what the movement of the universe has been leading to all this time. His entire life feels like it hinges on the moment your lips meet his own and fit together as if your mouths were never meant to be parted.

His hand is suddenly cupping your face, tilting it so that he can slip his tongue against yours. You don’t just open to him; you draw him in, nipping at his lips, sucking at his flesh, finally allowing yourself a moment to be greedy.

Namjoon can’t get enough of your hot skin against his palm. His nails brush against your habit and god, he just wants it gone. He wants it out of the way. Something primal has taken hold of him, he knows it, even as he finds himself pressing forward against you. The small whine that escapes your throat makes him long to pin you against the chapel wall and let you take from him as he wants to take from you. With the way you’re pulling at his shirt, at his hair, his heart, you feel it too. Whatever this is is so massive that neither of you will ever be able to escape the tug of its gravity.

As quickly as it all started, it’s over.

His front is suddenly empty and cold, but for the blood stirring in his heart with bitter bile in his abdomen. He’s not sure who steps away first, just that it’s perhaps the most unnatural thing he’s ever experienced. Your eyes are wide, aflame with more emotion than any person should ever have to hold within themselves. Over the silent hum of air circulators working, he hears the sound of you breathing in time with himself, panting as you both come down from the high of indiscretion

Before Namjoon can say anything, an apology or an explanation or just fucking anything to keep you from hating him, you walk away. It’s as if he’s sprouted roots as he watches you walk away and out of the chapel. The stoic curtain has been drawn around you again and he’ll never get the chance to pull it away. Just as it felt inevitable to kiss you and be kissed by you, this feels just just the same. It’s inexorable. There’s nothing he can do to stop you.

He just watches you leave before sinking into a seat in the front row of the chapel and putting his head in his hands.

&&&

It’s been a long week. For months it’s felt like Namjoon’s had nothing but long weeks, but this one seems so particularly bad in a way he can’t describe. Patients making strides and then loosing all the ground they gained. The families of patients becoming aggressive and distraught when they learn the news that their beloved kinsperson will not be making whatever recovery they envisioned for them. Nurses and medical assistants being berated and then taking it out on each other, or sometimes him. Other doctors shirking their duties. And of course, he’s nothing if not a self-loathing workaholic, so he shoulders every ounce of slack until it’s close to breaking him.

It takes a more senior doctor asking to speak to him in the hallway for him to realize how fucking bad he’s been internalizing his stress. He almost snaps like a twig in front of five people, just because the man asked him for a moment of his time.

“Take a walk, Doctor Kim. I don’t want to see you for an hour.”

Namjoon doesn’t realize he’s wandered to the chapel until he’s looking at the heavy wooden doors. They stand before him like an immovable barrier. He hasn’t been here since you left. It wasn’t so long ago, he knows it’s only been a month or three, but it feels like it’s been an age. Long enough that he’s lost track of the time, but not so long ago that he’s forgotten the way your flesh fit against his.

The memory stirs in his throat as he gently reaches to pull the door open and step inside.

The chapel’s preternatural silence settles over him like a blanket. In the past, it’s been an uneasy sensation, but now it’s welcome. He could use some quiet, some space to just feel and decompress. He sits a few rows back from the front and listens to silence ring in his ears, letting time slip by without registering how much of it goes.

Abruptly, Namjoon hears the doors behind him close with a thud. He turns to see a priest, smiling sheepishly as he gives him a little wave. He’s got a bulky briefcase in his hands and a sweater over his black shirt. At his throat is a priest’s collar.

“I’m so sorry to disturb you, doctor,” the priest says with a warm smile. “I didn’t expect anyone to be here this early before the service.”

Namjoon finds himself rising before he can even think about it. “No, please, don’t be sorry. I just needed somewhere quiet to be for a moment.”

“Well, this is the perfect place for that,” the priest says, glancing down the chapel’s center aisle at the altar. “I don’t believe I’ve met you before! I’m Father Herman.”

The doctor grasps the priest’s outstretched hand to shake it as he give his own name. “I’m not usually around this part of the hospital but it’s—well, it’s been a week,” he laughs nervously.

Father Herman nods, as if he understands Namjoon’s struggle completely. “The church is a place of healing, first and foremost. Whenever a soul ails, we always pray that they finds their way here.”

Namjoon thinks about you sitting in the front of the chapel, with your prayer rope and silent suffering. He thinks about the unending way his life has stretched before him since you left. He says nothing, however, as he watches Father Herman walk to the front of the chapel and set his bag in one of the chairs.

He must sense the doctor staring at him, but he seems unperturbed. Maybe he’s used to getting stares. “Was there something else you needed, Doctor Kim?”

The words are kind, but they rattle around Namjoon’s brain for a moment before he can really let them sink in. He hasn’t thought about any of his needs for what feels like weeks. No one’s asked about his needs for much longer.

“Um, yeah, maybe. I think I might have some questions for you, if you don’t mind.”

“Absolutely, son. Fire away.”

Thank you for reading! Drop me an ask and tell me what you think. Find me in various places at my carrd :)

©miscelunaaa 2022. My work is only found on this blog and under my ao3 pseud. Do not, under any circumstances, copy or repost my work. Thank you.

posted: 11.2.2022

[i-am-baechu]

Chapter Ten: The One About Visiting

Summary: “Did you just ask me if I sell coffee in a fucking coffee shop?” And with that, Taehyung was smitten by the Barista in the crazy flower sweater vest. Friendships will form but most importantly Taehyung will finally meet his soulmate. 

•——————•°•✿•°•——————•°•✿•°•———•

Genre: Idol au, strangers to lovers au, barista reader!, slow burn (friends with benefits to lovers kind of), semi-short storyish format, friendships, romance, angst, comedy, and smut

Main pairing: Idol! Taehyung x Barista! Reader 

Side ships: Hoseok x OC 

Warnings: Explicit language, smut, mature themes, homophobia, smoking cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol usage

Note: It's sex time lol

⇜ Masterlist ⇝

•——————•°•✿•°•——————•°•✿•°•———•

The two months quickly turned into five. Five months of pure agony for her. It was dramatic but it's the truth. Missing someone is so hard that words don't do it justice. Sure they called each other almost every night and sometimes they had Facetime sex but it wasn’t the same. Taehyung apologized for how long it's been but she always changed the subject. She wasn’t angry at him but she would be lying if she said she wasn’t sad.

A lot has changed in five months. Y/N took over Marie’s parent's book store as Marie’s mother recovered from her health scare, visiting her when she had time. Basically being a store owner is hard but on top of that working at the cafe was even more exhausting. Nikki quit her job at the cafe and started her job as a program developer for this company. She hated it but she got paid a lot. In her words, “Thank you college for the money.” Julia still works at the cafe but she also started a small business on Etsy. She created knitted bags of K-pop groups and it really took off. Julia and Hoseok were officially-ish together. Julia said they weren’t together but Hoseok said another thing to Taehyung, it’s complicated. The person that she has been worried about is Marie. 

Marie is quiet but this time the form of silence from her isn’t normal. She would only respond to questions about her mom and she barely made eye contact with anyone, it was alarming. It made Y/N feel nervous about the outcome of everything but she tried to be positive for her. 

Y/N was in the bookstore and she was finally closing after a long day. She never realized how popular the bookstore was until she worked in it. She was putting some books back when she heard the bell at the door ring. She raised her eyebrow and sighed, “Sorry we’re closed.” 

“That makes things easier.” 

She rolled her eyes and put the books on the shelves. She went towards the front door with her arms crossed, “Carlo, leave me alone.”

Carlo Lincoln aka Y/N’s ex-boyfriend. You would think that a person would change from a breakup but that’s being hopeful. Carlo was a charmer and he knew it. He was the reason why she was drinking so much at the beginning of the year. He broke up with her by sending her a picture of his new girlfriend when she was waiting for him at a restaurant. They were dating for four months but she liked him since college so, this was devastating. She never told Nikki why they broke up, she just told her it was mutual. She knew if she told her the truth then she would see her on the news. 

She actually forgot about Carlo when she met Taehyung. The only person that’s been on her mind was him and no one else. Carlo was just a memory. A bad one. 

“How can you treat me so badly? We have history.”

“So, not all history is good. I’m sure you heard of World War II.” 

He rolled his eyes and leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed, “I’m a customer.” 

“I didn’t know you could read. Good for you.” 

He glared at her but he quickly shook it off when she started to walk away, “Why don’t you go out with me? You look like you're done for the day.”

“That’s a hard no. I have a boyfriend.” He doesn’t need to know the truth. 

“A boyfriend!? My ass!” 

“I don’t need you to believe me.” 

“What’s his name then? You can’t even come up-”

“My name is Taehyung.” 

Her eyes widened and looked past Carlo to see Taehyung who didn’t look so happy. He was in his usual attire but what made him different on this day was the bouquet of roses in his hand. This isn’t what Taehyung was expecting on the day he was visiting his girl. He had to plan so much ahead to see her and he didn’t even tell his leader that he would be gone, his manager would do that for him. 

Namjoon was a sensitive topic for him. He saw him as his brother but he couldn’t get past the attraction to Y/N. How could he like the same girl as he did? It just didn’t feel fair all around. They tried talking about it but it always ended up with Taehyung leaving the room. Namjoon would say the same thing, “She’s just so pretty and funny.” He didn’t need to hear that from his leader. After five months, they started talking to each other but it would only be about work. Nothing more. Namjoon tried and tried with him but Taehyung wouldn’t budge. In all honesty, he doesn’t know what his leader has to do to get his forgiveness. He was just hurt. 

“Neh, Taehyung.” 

Taehyung turned his head towards Jimin with a raised eyebrow, “What?” 

“When are you going to forgive Namjoon?” 

Taehyung sighed and placed his shirt in his bag, “I honestly don’t know...it's obvious he still likes Y/N.” 

“How is it-”

“Every time I call her, he always wants to be in the room. It feels like he's listening in on our conversation sometimes.” 

“I doubt he does that, Tae. Just give him a chance.” 

“I wish I could. I just need more time.” 

Time is what he needs but the question is, will he get it? 

Carlo turned around and stared at him with a small smirk, “And who the hell are you?” 

“Her boyfriend. Now what do you want with my girl?” 

Carlo glanced at Y/N and then back at Taehyung, “You just love to play games, Y/N.”

She rolled her eyes at him and glanced at Taehyung with a small smile appearing on her face, “I don’t play games. Now leave, we’re closed.” 

Carlo rolled his eyes and looked at Y/N, “I’ll talk to you later.” 

“No, you won’t. Now leave before I make you leave.” 

Carlo and Taehyung stared at each other with glares. Y/N should’ve felt uncomfortable with their stares but she couldn’t help but feel hot. Taehyung looked so hot when he was mad. Carlo scoffed and bumped his shoulder with Taehyung’s. He glared at him one last time before leaving the store. Y/N let out a sigh of relief and she glanced at Taehyung, “Tae.” 

“Baby.” 

Y/N ran into him and wrapped her arms around his waist, something that almost made Taehyung fall. He let out a chuckle and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed the top of her head as she looked up with sparkles in her eyes, “I can’t believe you're here.” 

“I wanted to surprise you. Now, who was that?” 

“He’s my ex-boyfriend...an idiot too.” 

“How long has he been bothering you?” 

She let out a small laugh and kissed Taehyung’s clothed chest, “For a couple of weeks...this was the first time he asked me out though.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Tae, you're rich. I would be scared of what you can do.” 

“I’m not in the mafia.” 

She let out a laugh and pulled away from him, “You would look hot in a suit.” 

He rolled his eyes and handed her the roses. She smiled and gladly accepted them, “You would look sexy on my arm...girlfriend.” 

She felt her face get hot and she looked away from his teasing eyes, “Shut up...how long are you here?” 

“For three days.” 

“That’s not long.” 

He frowned at her sadness and walked up to her. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, “We can make it last.” 

“Don’t have a choice......No one is at home right now.” 

“Oh? Why are you telling me this?”

“So I can give you a proper surprise. If you don’t want then-”

“Let’s go.”

The ride back was filled with touches, Taehyung touching her thigh with light touches as she focused on the road. The shivers and goosebumps that appeared because of his long fingers made her excited for when they got home. Five months was too long for both of them and they were going to fix that. 

The moment they entered the elevator, they were all over each other. Taehyung pinned against the silver surface with her arms above her head. She looked at him with a red face and he smirked at her flustered look, “Why so shy?”

“Sh-Shut up. If you're going to do something, do it.”

“I plan to.” 

He leaned down and kissed her lips with passion. The passion was so hot that the whole elevator felt hot. He lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist, grinding slowly into him. He pulled away from her lips and let out a groan, “Fuck baby, don’t do that or I’ll fuck you.”

“Maybe I want that.”

Everything froze around them. He looked at her with wide eyes and swallowed his spit, “You want to have sex?”

“I do. I missed you Tae...”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He shook his head and started kissing her neck gently, “I need to hear you say it.” 

She let out a moan and ran her fingers through his hair, “I-I want to fuck you, Tae.” 

When the doors opened, Y/N bit her lip as he looked at her with pure lust, “Show me, your apartment.” 

“Yes sir.”  

He put her down and she grabbed his wrist with a small smirk on her face. She quickly ran out of the elevator and he couldn’t help but laugh at her actions. She handed him the roses as she took out her keys to unlock the door. He had to hide his laughter when she was struggling to unlock her door. When the door opened, she turned around and unbuttoned three buttons with a small smirk. She pushed her breasts together and leaned towards him as he watched, biting his lip. He brought up his hand and pinched the tops of her breast causing her to moan, “You can’t even wait till we get inside. Such a slut.” 

“Your slut.” 

He raised his eyebrow and let out a low chuckle, “Glad you know. Get in before I fuck you in this hallway.” 

“Yes, sir.”

They walked into the living room and placed the roses on the coffee table. Before she could say anything, Taehyung picked her up and put her over his shoulder. He smacked her butt harshly, making her moan out loud, “Which one is your room?” 

“Th-The one on the right.”

He opened the door and slammed the door closed. He tossed her on the bed and she let out a gasp from the roughness but she loved it. Usually, she wouldn't be into the rough side of sex but with Taehyung, it was everything she wanted. He took off his shirt and she watched with lust. Yeah, she's seen his body before but every time she sees it, it just makes her excited. His lightly tanned skin with his plump lips, he was just so hot and he was all hers. She unbuttoned her shirt and tossed it to the side as they kept their eyes on each other. 

He moved to the bed with his knees on either side of her body as she stared at him. He gently touched her lip with his index finger, “You don’t know what you do to me.”

“You can show me, I’ve been waiting for five months.” 

He rolled his eyes and flicked her nipple through her bra, “Such a brat.” 

“Wh-What did I say about calling me that?” 

“Like I would listen to you.” 

He flicked her nipple again and she let out a moan, “Fuck, Ta-Tae.” 

He flipped their bodies and she was on top with her skirt raising showing off her thighs. Her clad cunt pressed against his clothed growing erection. He smirked at her flustered face and pushed her bra down to let her breast escape the nude fabric. He pinched her nipple and she bit her lip as he grinded into her, “Feel that, baby?”

“Ye-Yes.” 

“All mine.”

They both took their bottoms off as they kissed each other. Fingers going through each other’s hair and the gasps of air. She straddled him again with her dripping pussy on the top of his cock. She leaned down to kiss him, it was soft and warm but with each passing second the grinding of their hips was making her needy. Their tongues slipped as Taehyung’s hands touched her soft skin. His hands rubbed over her ass, pushing her body so he could feel her lips all around his cock, “You're so wet.” 

“Only for you.” 

She pushed herself back and placed her weight onto her knees. She reached down between her legs to grab his cock. She looked up at him and smiled, “We’re doing this.”

“We’re doing this baby. You’re the only one I want to fuck.” 

The tip of Taehyung’s cock touched her hole and she couldn’t stop the moan. He looked up at her with a smile on his face, this was his girl for now and forever. She slowly began to sink down on his cock and Taehyung couldn’t help the loud moan leaving his lips, “Fuck your so tight.” 

“Ah~.” 

Taehyung brought his hand down to rub her clit, making her body relax, “That’s my girl, your so fucking hot.” 

The stretch from Taehyung was different from all the other guys she slept with. It was more pleasurable. She pushed herself up and down, Taehyung watching with a proud look. She placed her hands on his chest as she focused on her movement. Soon enough, Taehyung felt her get clamped down as she fell forward on his chest. Taehyung let out a small laugh as she cummed all over her, “Are you done?” 

“You haven’t finished. Use me.” 

That’s all he needed to hear. He flipped them over and he glanced down to see her cock splitting her open. Her chest went up and down as she looked hazed out, it was so sexy. He started to thrust and the room was filled with moans. She was so tight and Taehyung couldn’t hold himself back. He started thrusting at a fast pace and he watched her breast going up and down. It was pornographic, “Almost there, Y/N.”

“Fuck, Ta-Tae.” 

Taehyung thrust in one final time with their hips flushed together. Feeling him emptying his balls was a feeling that she wants to feel again, “Fuck, Y/N.”

They stayed like that for a while. He leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips as she turned her head to deepen the kiss. When they pulled away she gave him a smirk, “Want to go again?” 

“I would never say no to you.” 

Extended Ending: 

After two hours of sex, Y/N and Taehyung lay there tired. She was fast asleep as his arm draped around her waist. She was everything he wanted and more. His fingertips gently touched her hip as he leaned down kissing her cheek. He sat up and grabbed his phone heading to the bathroom. He ran his fingers through his hair as he looked at himself in the mirror. Marks all over his chest and he was sure he had cuts on his back. He smirked to himself but it quickly disappeared when he saw a message on his phone. 

He glared at the text and shook his head, “I thought I blocked her. What does she want?” 

He was about to open the message but the door opened to Y/N looking at him with a smile. He ignored his phone and looked at her with a smile, “What are you doing up?” 

“I missed you.”

“I’m shocked that you can walk. You almost drained me.” 

“Shut up...want to take a shower with me?” 

“Now why would I decline that.”

[tokkiheart]

The Beauty Inside (2015) Review & General Thoughts

That’s right, I’m reviewing a K-Movie and not a K-Drama.

As a disclaimer, I haven’t seen the original American web-series from 2012 nor the K-Drama that resulted from this movie, so I’m reviewing this movie as it’s own entity and not on how good of a remake/adaptation it is.

As always, this is going to be spoiler free!

Genre(s)

Romance • Fantasy • Melodrama • Drama

Ratings

Rated PG on Viki, rated as 13+ on MDL, rated PG-14 on tubi and YouTube

Where To Watch/How To Watch

Viki • iQIYI • Prime Video • tubi • YouTube • Kocowa+ • Prime Video • Freevee • Rent for $3.99 or Buy for $6.99 on Apple TV • Pluto TV

(You can watch it FOR FREE on Tubi, Youtube, Freevee and Pluto TV with ads, as well as, of course, your favorite illegal streaming site of choice)

Note: I live in the United States, so the only platforms that I have access to and know for sure currently have this movie available in the region are the ones listed, but it’s possible other regions have apps that have this.

Synopsis

This movie is about Woo Jin, a man who designs furniture for a living. An unusual man, Woo Jin wakes up every morning with a new body, which can be any age, gender, race or nationality.

Accustomed to his supernatural “illness,” he lives a relatively solitary existence aside from his childhood best friend who he works with and occasionally visiting his mother.

When he meets Yi Soo one day at a furniture store, he instantly falls in love with her. After visiting her as different people for several days, he eventually musters up the courage to ask her out. Staying up for three days in a row in order to stay in the same body, he dates her and she ends up falling in love with him.

Review

This movie is really good! If you’ve been sitting on this movie wondering if you should watch it, I’m going to have to tell you that it’s very much worth watching (and doing so again and again!)

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, so much so that I wound up rewatching it immediately after finishing the first watch of it!

All of the actors who played Kim Woo Jin did a truly great job of creating a consistent character for him, which really must have been challenging considering all the actors who play him only do so for such an incredibly brief window of time. The only one who lasts more than a day is Park Seo Joon.

Han Hyo Joo was AMAZING, she absolutely nailed her role and it’s so easy to see why Woo Jin fell in love with her character. I feel like this movie really allowed her to show off her various talents as an actor because she had great chemistry with each of the different Woo Jin, she spoke in three different languages (Korean, Japanese, and English) that she is proficient in, and did a fantastic job of making her character come to life and be someone the audience can sympathize with and fall in love with too.

The OST is really good (in my opinion) and nothing really felt too out of place or anything.

I love the message(s) of this movie, which boil down to “love is love” and loving someone for who they are on the inside and not based on their outward appearances. It’s nothing particularly novel, but it was certainly tackled in novel way!

General Thoughts

This movie went to theaters in my country on my birthday eight years ago and I really wish I had been into K-Dramas and stuff back then because I soo would have watched this and would have thoroughly enjoyed it. It might even have been one of those things that made me realize that I’m bi lol

Anyway, this movie had a lot of cute, sweet moments and I always love a couple who bond over a shared love of something (furniture, in this case). There were so many scenes that made my bi heart flutter!

For being technically a heterosexual movie, this is incredibly bisexual/pansexual and I’m quite sure it was fully intentional to be LGBTQIA+ because the font coloring for the movie is rainbow:

Which, I loved by the way. Love a good rainbow gradient colored font. But also they didn’t at all shy away from having some GL scenes in there! Han Hyo Joo really had such amazing chemistry with all of the actors in the role of Woo Jin, which helped make it that much more believable that they were all the same character.

As for the OST, I definitely came away from this movie wanting to hear “True Romance” by Citizens! over and over again:

Advice(?)

Definitely make sure to grab some tissues, there’s some scenes in this movie that will definitely make you cry!

Additionally, once the credits roll, don’t go away! This movie actually has a mid-credits scene, no spoilers, but it’s a nice little wrap up and worth sitting through the credits a little longer for!

[arionawrites]

arionawrites updated writeblr intro

who the hell am i?

my name is ariona! i also go by ari (common nickname), rio (occasional nickname), and whatever the hell else people wanna call me (within reason). fun fact, my childhood nickname was bird because when i started talking i apparently sounded like a parrot (:

i’m in my mid-twenties (23 as of posting this; turning 24 in march!) and i have been writing since i was in the second grade, or about 7-8 years old. i’ve wanted to be a published author since the fourth grade (10 years old). i have yet to achieve that “published” thing, but i’m working towards it every day and am hoping to have something published somewhere by the time i’m 25 (or while i’m 25, i’m not too picky lol)

i’m a chronically ill lesbian who tries to include type one diabetic characters in everything i write and almost exclusively write queer characters.

i currently work in before and after school childcare, though i am in the process of finding a new job that provides me better stability as well as the time to be able to focus on my writing more. my hope is some kind of office job, or, even better, something in a library!

what kind of things do i write?

it honestly depends on the vibes, man. i’m happy to write (almost) every genre so long as i have a story idea that fits it that i want to write. however, i do have some common things that i tend to write more often than the rest, such as:

queer romance (usually the romance part is not the primary focus, though i do have a sapphic romance novel in the works)

modern fantasy

coming of age

found family

complex and complicated family dynamics

i also have a tendency to post weird little ramble-y thought pieces in random points in time (would it count as poetry? i honestly don’t know). if you’re interested to seeing any of it, my writing tag is #ariwrites !! i’ll add the tag to this post as well for convenience sake!

what projects do i currently have?

so, here’s the thing: i struggle with completing things and tend to have a bunch of new ideas and kind of leave old ideas in the dust. because of this, i’ve decided to take almost all of my current projects and scrap them? actually, scrap isn’t the right word - i’m starting from scratch with a majority of them! i think there are some ideas that i can actually combine into one story rather than them being separate, and a lot of it is just a kind of conglomerated mess that i am in the process of detangling in order to move forward in a more coherent and structured way. however, i do have two projects that i am not starting from complete scratch. i am remaking the outlines for these two stories, though, and then rewriting them from the beginning!

here are those two projects:

rotten

a zombie apocalypse scenario that i originally started writing as a nanowrimo project in 2022 that i did not complete. matter of fact, i only got a couple of chapters in before the spark fizzled out. however, i love the characters i have created and the bones of the story i had in mind, which is why i am choosing to restructure the outline and try again. it will likely change quite a bit as i remake the outline and iron out the details in new ways, but the basic breakdown of the story is this: it’s three years into an apocalypse that has left a mere remnant of humanity in its wake. we have a cast of four main characters (maybe six, depending on how you look at it). one is an older brother taking care of his siblings, both of whom have yet to reach double digits in age. one is a grumpy pessimist who thinks it’s pointless building bonds when everyone else she knew before is almost definitely dead and anyone else she meets will end up dead, too. one is a former optimist who has been weighed down by the realism the apocalypse has forced upon him, who hates being alone (being lonely) but has been betrayed by every single person he has come across since the fight to survive began, and he doesn’t really know what to do about that anymore. one was raised privileged and pampered by a paranoid and eccentric millionaire who was also absolutely certain that doomsday was inevitable (hey, turns out he was right!) and therefore raised his daughter teaching her every survival skill he could and preparing her for the worst, so she is, realistically, the best person to have on your side in an apocalypse—and yet she has been alone the entirety of the three years. all of them are queer and all of them will have to learn that they can rely on one another after stumbling into each other’s lives. also, despite only one of them being the older brother of those kids, the other three will eventually come to an agreement that they would burn the rest of what’s left of the world if it meant keeping them warm, so that’s cool, i guess.

hot chocolate

this is the sapphic romance novel i mentioned above! started writing it on a whim with literally zero plan for it last year, made it my camp nano project, and somehow managed to hit 30k words before the lack of preparation caught up with me. the title is a working title and might change upon the rewrite, but i absolutely adore this story so far and am very excited to get an outline busted out so that i can get back to writing it. the breakdown is this: mallory james moves in with her big brother when she’s eighteen. it’s the summer after her graduation and every single plan that she had for her future has been rendered pointless and now she’s trying to find her footing in a life that is completely different from the one she had been living only a few months ago. her brother, eddie, is going to do his best to be there for her and help her heal, but mallory doesn’t want to heal. she doesn’t even want to acknowledge that there’s anything she needs to heal from. unsure of what to do next, she enrolls in the local community college and meets a few people who somehow manage to become her kinda sorta friends — ellie, ash, and bee. featuring sapphic love, healing from loss and family trauma, finding stability and reason in an unexpected place, and a side character who is definitely polyamorous but entirely unaware that that’s a thing he’s able to be.

alright, i think that’s all i want to put here! i’ll definitely edit this with updates as information changes and as old projects become new again and things like that, but it’s a new year (the fact that i’m posting this in february is absolutely not important at all) and i’m trying to make ‘24 something worthwhile. if you’ve read this far, thank you so much and i hope everyone is having an incredible day/night !!

[mediaevalmusereads]

Cursed Cocktails. By S.L. Rowland. Aethervale Publishing, 2023.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: fantasy

Series: Tales of Aedrea #1

Summary: After twenty years defending the frozen north against some of the most dangerous threats in the nine kingdoms, Rhoren “Bloodbane” has finally earned his retirement. While the blood mage's service to the realm may have ended, burning veins and aching joints remain, and Rhoren soon learns that a warmer climate offers relief from his chronic pain.

And a chance at a fresh start.

In the warm and relaxing atmosphere of Eastborne, the umbral elf finds a new purpose and a sense of belonging. He may have left the frozen north behind, but he brings with him the skills and strength gained from a lifetime of defending the realm. Along with his most prized possession—a book of drink recipes inherited from his father.

Spilled cocktails may not carry the same weight as spilled blood, but opening a tavern brings a unique brand of challenges. With the right friends and a little bit of luck, he might just have a recipe for success.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: blood

OVERVIEW: This was my book club's pick for January, and to be honest, I probably wouldn't have picked it up on my own. I'm not a cozy fantasy reader, so I'm grateful that my book club has me read things outside my usual go-to genres. Overall, I was pleasantly surprised by this book. I expected my mi d to wander since I don't usually do well with low-stakes stories, but the stakes were just high enough and character-driven that I was able to devour this novel in a single day. While there were some minor things that didn't gel with my personal taste, this was an enjoyable read, so it gets 4 stars from me.

WRITING: Rowland's prose reminds me a lot of romance prose in that it's quick, direct, and fairly unadorned. Though it's not lyrical and doesn't use a lot of heightened metaphor or imagery, it gets the job done, and I had no problem picturing the scenery or the mood. I can see how this prose style can both appeal to a lot of readers or poor some readers off; whether or not you like it will depend on how straightforward you like your prose. Personally, I thought it was appropriate for the genre, so it worked for me.

What I liked most, however, was the cocktail recipes that popped up here and there. Because cocktails are central to the book, Rowland was smart to include a few recipes, which not only made me as a reader thirsty, but was a nice way of creating sections within the narrative. If I had any complaint, I would say that I think the descriptions of these cocktails could have been more sensuous; any time food plays an important role in a story, I want the flavors to leap off the page, so to speak, so I can vividly imagine the taste. In this case, I think Rowland could have pushed the language a bit more, relying less on generic terms like "refreshing" or "sweet."

PLOT: The plot of this book follows Rhoren, an elven blood mage who is seeking to start a new life after retiring from the North Guard. Rhoren ventures south to a warm climate to ease the pain his magic has wreaked upon his body, and he has with him his father's journal, which is full of cocktail recipes. When he arrives in a city called Eastborne, Rhoren quickly makes a number of friends who help him find a new purpose: opening his very own bar. The only problem is the location is said to be cursed!

This story was incredibly low-stakes in that there were no arch villains, no big fights, and no politics that threatened anyone's livelihood. Instead, the stakes were all character-driven: Rhoren wanting to find purpose, Rhoren wanting to leave his past behind, Rhoren wanting his business to succeed, etc. While I usually have a hard time getting through low stakes books, this book did a good job making me care just enough to keep reading, and the more I learned about Rhoren, the more I wanted him to succeed.

What also made this story satisfying was the fact that Rowland brings secondary characters back around to have some role to play in the plot. Rhoren meets a lot of seemingly random people when he first arrives in Eastborne, and it would have been easy to write a couple of feel-good scenes and call it a day. Rowland ensures, however, that these characters don't just have their 5 minutes to shine, but makes them active participants in Rhoren's journey. It made each scene feel purposeful, and for that, I appreciated the secondary characters more.

CHARACTERS: Rhoren, our protagonist, was fairly compelling in that he had a goal to pursue and a past to escape. I liked that his arc was all about finding a purpose that was less grandiose than the army but no less important, and that his dreams were small but honest. I also liked that Rowland didn't shy away from talking about chronic pain and the costs of using blood magic. Rhoran's attitude towards his powers is extremely balanced, and if this wasn't a cozy fantasy novel, I suspect Rowland might have inserted some angst in there. But as it stands, Rowland seems just annoyed enough to want to start a new life, and I think a lot of people can relate to that.

If I had any criticisms, I would say that I think there were scenes that were a little drawn out. This is just personal taste, however, since I'm not a cozy book reader and don't put a lot of value on scenes such as going shopping or sitting around by the fire. There's nothing inherently wrong with them, but I did find myself skimming here and there when I felt like I needed to move on.

I also kind of wish more was done with the "cursed bar" part of the plot. I won't spoil what happens, so I'll just say: when we find out what was causing the curse, I thought it would have more bearing on the plot than it did. I thought it was some kind of omen or would reveal something narratively significant, but it didn't, and I was a tad disappointed.

Kallum, Rhoran's friend turned business parter, was endearing because he was so soft with Rhoran. Kallum is kind and understanding, and it seems like very little ruffles his feathers. He's also free with compliments and adorably enthusiastic about alcoholic drinks. Part of me does wish that his goals were a little more informed by his past; as it stands, we don't know a while lot about his background, and though he dreams of owning his own bar, there's very little complexity other than pure love and joy. Personally, I wanted a little more than that, but again, this might be my personal taste.

Side characters were also endearing and everyone was so kind-hearted and respectful that the world of Eastborne felt non-threstening. I never felt like anyone had ulterior motives and despite referencing poverty, I never felt like our characters were in any danger. This might be just the thing some readers are looking for, but it also might grate on others, so go in knowing you're reading a cozy fantasy, not a gritty one.

TL;DR: Cursed Cocktails was a surprise delight; with a compelling protagonist and quick, direct prose, this book was easy to get through and easy to be invested in. While I do wish Rowland had leaned into the sensory experience of the cocktails more and had done a few things different here and there, this was, overall, true to its cover promise: a cozy read.

[an-aura-about-you]

Hi @an-aura-about-you! For the emoji fanfic writer asks, I would like you to answer 😅 🥺 ✨ 💖 🤯 🥰

Thank you so much!! ❤️❤️

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

Oh geez. All the stuff from my fanfiction.net era? Look, I've been writing fanfiction since high school. I'm gonna feel this way about my older stuff just because I can recognize better writing in myself later. (I still tend to make my stuff pretty brief, but at least I plan out my multichapter fics nowadays.) Not to mention I was writing on there since high school and not everything I wrote even survived that website. I am at peace with that.

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

I gave an answer on this before, but I don't mind repeats. So I just love writing Soft Moments between the love interests while they're just friends and not officially a couple yet. One of my favorites that I reread recently was one helping to roll up the other's shirt sleeves because it's just neater looking if the one rolling the sleeves isn't currently wearing the shirt.

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Man, me, you really know how to bring some wild concepts to fanfic life! Not wild as in "this will scar me for the rest of my life" but wild as in "you wrote a fanfic with an outline structured from a playlist you made in which every song is by a one hit wonder and is tied in one way or another to the Fears in The Magnus Archives and then determined random details in the fic using dice rolls and coin flips" and "you inherited your father's weird taste in crossovers and made it work much in the same way peanut butter snickerdoodles work." Good job!

💖 What made you start writing?

Oh heck. I've been doing it for so long it's hard to really remember. We would have to do daily journals in English class, and I know I did a lot of writing in those. Got tons of extra credit there. And my teachers gave us prompts, but once we satisfied those, there was a lot of fanfic writing. And I was not immune to passing notes in class, but my friends and I actually passed around a notebook where we actually did some rp. I have no idea how that thing didn't get confiscated. I even preserved it back in the day on one of them free angelfire or geocities websites.

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

Is it cheating to say all of them? idk, I've just been so busy lately that writing kind of feels like it's slipping through my fingers. But to be fair, it has been an eventful, what, six months? In that time, I took a road trip to West Virginia, had surgery on my bad leg, finally (unfortunately) caught covid, was basically trapped in my house for most of my recovery, bought a condo as a result of the being trapped thing, and only recently have I actually reached a state where I'd say I've finished moving in and things are almost back to normal. And that's only because I haven't gotten my new mattress I ordered to finally replace my old one, but even now I've got a bedframe sitting in its box in my living room waiting to be moved and assembled. @.@

But to give a better answer, I think the genre I struggle with the most would probably be zany comedy. I can write funny stuff, and I can write some pretty weird stuff, but apparently I have to have it grounded in something. I can write about weird fairy tale stuff happening in a world where what normally happens is weird horror stuff, but as unusual as that is it's still grounded in Jon's In A Fairy Tale Now. I can write about a skeleton getting his driver's license and talking about his new car as if the car is actually a new puppy, but that's Just How Papyrus Operates. I have to have some kind of source for it, apparently.

🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

Absolutely love it! Would love to see more of it, especially on my crossover stuff. I know that's a tall ask since some of my fandoms don't appear to gel on the surface level.

(But they do. Oh buddy, they do. Hell, I've seen some Princess Tutu fans talking about how they're excited for the Fear Bracket polls for The Magnus Archives because they want to nominate Drosselmeyer as a Web avatar, and I wholeheartedly endorse that suggestion.)

But also just interacting with people who like my fic has led to some wonderful friendships, especially here. One of my best friends started out as a person I ended up meeting because they liked my fanfiction and I liked their fanart. And it's happened the other way around, too, where I'll meet people because I comment on their fics. I try to be the commenter I'd like to have on my own stuff.

Thank you for the ask! <3

[manonamora-if]

To the player anon,

Related to this ask.

First of all, thank you anon for sending this ask and giving your perspective as a player/fan. Honestly, I did think about including some of your points in my original answer. But I've already made a whole post about those points (and so have other IF authors) that I repost often.

Even if that anon followed all those points you (and other people have) made about marketing, taking their time, improving their writing*, etc... it doesn't mean that they will see their numbers go up or that their feelings towards other IF creators would change (that they would stop comparing themselves to those creators). That's why I tried to focus on that point then. You can't control how other see/interact with your work, but you can with your feelings. *good writing is still subjective though. Sure, you have the grammar/typo issues, but if we are talking writing style then no, it's subjective. Victor Hugo is considered a master of writing, but damn his stuff is boring as HELL.

Since the author was also in anon, I didn't want to make assumptions on their project, how far they are on it, how much they published, how they handled the promotion/interactions, how they write, who they follow or which author/project they were referring to. I also didn't want to discourage them by basing my advice on those assumptions. For all I know, they could be doing everything right but still not get any traffic/interaction !

I've been doubting whether to post your ask or not pretty much since I got it. While you did have some interesting and correct points, I've been a bit afraid your tone could make some new creators... err... discouraged.

Also have some random thoughts about some points raised (not targeted at you anon, just in general) or tangents that started there, but this is getting long already so post break! [It's a bit of a mishmash ramble, and using you (as in you should) like one (one should). ]

I know the Tumblr/CoG crowd is all about Romance taking a centre stage, but damn, give some love to other genres too! There are so many fun concepts that shouldn't have to have any form of romance to get the attention of readers. I'm not trying to shit on the Romance genre, I mean two of my games are either super Romance or Romance adjacent, but I'd just love to see more IF where there is no Romance, that's all. Try reading something new :)

____

I understand readers can feel frustrated when a project they like go on sudden hiatus or do not get consistent progress updates. You enjoy the author's writing and concept and would like to read more of it. But IRL will affect every one, and should ALWAYS take precedence when things are not cool. No reason nor an update should be needed for that.

Related to this, I've seen many authors apologising every time they take a break, or they weren't able to make progress on their projects, or having to pause everything for a while, or just need some time off period. And it makes me so sad that they feel like they have to apologise for this, or have to explain themselves when they come back.

There shouldn't be so much pressure on their shoulders about this or expectations either. Like 99% of IF projects promoted on Tumblr are there for free, for the enjoyment of everyone. Why so much pressure on something that should be created for fun? People creating stuff as just a hobby really shouldn't have to apologise for all this stuff. It's not a job, damn... they don't have quarterly goals to meet!

___

Spearing of expectations, the landscape of IF has changed a lot since some of the more popular games started. You have a lot more projects popping up every day than a few years ago. It is much harder to get noticed and keep your following than before. Not in terms of updating the game or posting about your progress, but also interacting with readers more often, answering more asks, doing more prompts... keeping readers entertained so they don't forget you. And from a creator's perspective, it sometimes feels like you have to choose between what's trendy/what people want and what you want to do.

___

ALSO We seem to be holding creators to a much higher standard than actual game companies. Everyone is having like 5-6 hats that usually are done by 5-6 actual employees. Same with design of the UI. There are some god awful scaling on mobile from huge company websites.

___

I've been trying to write and re-write this second to be clear, but damn there's a lot. it is also more rambly than the rest

I have to disagree with you on player not being able to give feedback to IF creators. Lots of feedback is being sent out there, whether the author wants it or likes what is written. Again, we are mainly dealing with people who create stuff as a hobby. Still, I do believe most authors are open to or welcome feedback. Some have forms you can submit issues, and others even have Beta Rounds especially to get feedback!

And, as players are allowed to give their opinions, authors should be allowed to have boundaries on the type of feedback they receive, the place they receive it or the way it is sent. If they indicate they don't want unsolicited feedback, just don't give it... And nothing can stop them from responding the way they want to (though I must note I do not condone every response to feedback ever made obviously, some ways of responding are def not it) but themselves.

I think my main problem is people giving feedback but not realising it is an opinion and not feedback (or in an asshole manner). I've seen more and more readers pretty much demand certain topics to be included, certain characters to be changed (gender/sexuality/etc...), etc... because it doesn't fit their canon in their mind, even getting nasty/vitriolic about it, but phrasing it as feedback. That's obviously not ok... And yet, it bears repeating because it still fucking happens.

Or readers having actual good feedback that might warrant a conversation, but just burst in the author's inbox and get all feisty and aggro about it. There are ways to get your point across without being a huge dick. You don't need to be extra careful to not hurt the author's feeling and wrapping your comments with soft blankets or whatever.... but you also don't have be a dick. Obviously, you can have critical and important feedback about harmful portrayals of characters or topics brushed aside by some authors. But that's another can of worm I don't think I am equipped or knowledgeable to talk about. But there are plenty of other authors/readers have been more eloquent on the subject than I could ever be.

___

Make IF weird again honestly. That's it. just that.

[chorusfm]

The Get Up Kids – “Ten Minutes” Video

The Get Up Kids have shared the first ever video for “Ten Minutes.” The Get Up Kids today released their first ever music video for “Ten Minutes,” the dynamic, fan favorite single from the 25th anniversary reissue of the Kansas City band’s genre-defining sophomore LP, Something to Write Home About (due out digitally on August 23rd and physically on September 20th via Polyvinyl Record Co). Directed by longtime friend and scene peer Josh Berwanger (The Anniversary), the “Ten Minutes” video lovingly assembles rare archival live footage of DIY shows, posters, photos, and other ephemera from the era. The remastered single is also out now alongside its auspicious demo version that showcases the song’s sturdy, road-tested origins.“When I wrote the opening guitar riff for ‘Ten Minutes,’ my inspiration was the song ‘Do the Vampire’ by Superdrag. It’s pretty obvious once you know. Their album, Head Trip in Every Key, was on heavy rotation when we were writing Something to Write Home About,” says songwriter/guitarist/singer Jim Suptic. “When I listen back to this song and watch the new video for it, my first impression is just how young we were. Some of us were literally teenagers. My voice almost sounds like a totally different person than who I am today. With that said, maybe that is why the album connected with so many people. We were singing about the things everyone struggles with at that age. At its core, Something to Write Home About is a coming of age record. I think Josh Berwanger did a fantastic job editing the video. He and his band The Anniversary were there for a lot of this, and witnessed some of these moments first hand.” Later this month, and following their current headlining tour of South America, the band of Suptic (guitar/vocals), Matt Pryor (guitar/vocals), Rob Pope (bass), Ryan Pope (drums), and Dustin Kinsey (keys), will embark on a headlining North American tour that includes various sold-out shows and across which they will play the seminal album in its entirety. The run will end with a performance at Las Vegas’ Best Friends Forever Fest; a full itinerary is listed below and tickets are on-sale now. The “Ten Minutes” video and its demo follows last month’s release of their first music video for the album's urgent opener, "Holiday," alongside “Holiday (Demo),” that saw praise and support from Pitchfork, Stereogum, Brooklyn Vegan, and more. The band was also featured on the July cover of UPSET magazine, and Pryor and Suptic were recent guests on The Brooklyn Vegan Podcast where they discuss behind the scenes stories while creating the fated LP. Something to Write Home About (25th Anniversary Deluxe Edition) is available for pre-order HERE. “Our first record is what it is—its imperfections are one of the things that people like about it,” says Pryor. “But I personally wanted us to record something that sounded like a real band, that sounded professional and, you know, big.” Working for the first time with Chad Blinman, who co-produced Something to Write Home About with Alex Brahl at LA’s Mad Hatter studio, The Get Up Kids achieved the massive sound they sought. The 12-track LP saw a quick release on September 28th, 1999, mere months after their stint in the studio, and emerged into a rock landscape dominated by commercial rock, post-grunge, and nü-metal. "Nothing that was popular sounded like our album," says Suptic. "That style of music wasn't mainstream." Yet the album, along with fellow 1999 releases like Jimmy Eat World's Clarity and the Promise Ring's Very Emergency, solidified a canon of expansive, pop-leaning emo that would guide the genre's explosion in the new millennium, and go on to inspire platinum-selling bands like Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance, as well as wave upon wave of emo revival acts.   But Something to Write Home About’s success wasn’t limited to its immeasurable influence. It also positioned Vagrant, which would later add emo luminaries like Saves the Day and Dashboard Confessional to its roster, as the genre’s… https://chorus.fm/news/the-get-up-kids-ten-minutes-video/

[dollycas]

Special Guest Marla A. White - Author of Framed For Murder (A Pine Cove Mystery) #Author Interview / #Giveaway - Great Escapes Book Tour

Framed For Murder (A Pine Cove Mystery) by Marla A. White I am happy to welcome Marla A. White to Escape With Dollycas today! Hi Marla, What are three things most people don’t know about you? - I love musicals - I’m a bit of a neat freak - I give my cars names (currently Hugh Fitzcairn after the Roger Daltry character in the “Highlander” TV series.) What books/authors have most inspired you? So many different ones for so many reasons! Louise Penny for her personal story of overcoming obstacles in her life and creating amazing characters. Jim Butcher for introducing me to fantasy with snark. I’ve been a lifelong fan of Dick Francis, growing up loving mysteries and horses. Leslie Charteris, who in “The Saint” books gave me a charming rogue and (at least in the early ones) a strong female romantic interest who could hold her own. What kind of research do you do, and how long do you spend researching before beginning a book? I don’t do a lot before I begin a book, but I do a ton as I go along. The internet is a wonderful tool, but I also try to talk to people if I know of any who have hands on experience with whatever I’m trying to figure out. This morning I spent an hour Googling “hot male hockey players” to get a picture of how to describe my character. Best. Job. Ever! Do you ever suffer from Writer’s Block? I won’t say never, because I have so many projects going on right now there’s always something to write. But I have been guilty of neglecting a project in favor of writing something that’s easier. What advice do you have for someone who would like to become a published writer? What’s the old joke about the best way to make a million dollars as an author is to start off with two million? Don’t get into it for the money! My best advice is to write every day. I had been kicking around, trying to fit writing in with a full-time job and other responsibilities, and would use lack of time as an excuse. Then I had the honor of sitting in a meeting with Janet Evanovich, who talked about getting up at five in the morning to write. I realized that if I was serious about finishing a novel, I needed to drag my butt out of bed at five a.m. Schedule a time, form a writing habit, accept no excuses. When you are not writing what do you like to do? Reading is the first obvious one :D  Seriously, to be a writer, you need to be a reader. I write in a few different genres so I immerse myself in books in whatever one I’m writing at the moment. I also love jigsaw puzzles, but not those ridiculous all-one-color kind. I want to see the picture, that’s the fun part! Also, mystery puzzles where you get the clues to solve the murder from the picture. Gardening is also a passion. It’s been cut back quite a bit since I’m in a condo now with no lawn, but I still have some fruits and veggies in pots. I’m so excited that my blood orange tree, Vlad, has several tiny green fruits! If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go and why? That’s such a tough question! Friends who have been to Italy make me want to go there for the wine, art, and food. But I loved the time I spent on horseback riding trips in England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales, so going back would be amazing. New Zealand would be like stepping into a “Lord of the Rings” movie and I would so nerd out over that! Yep, too many choices to make just one. What is next on the horizon for you? Well, now you’ve got me thinking about travelling… LOL I’m working on a hockey romance series with a friend of mine. It’s my first foray into the romance genre and I’m having a blast! I’ve been talking about writing a textbook about how to write script coverage, the course I teach at UCLA Extension so maybe this summer I’ll actually sit down and write the proposal. And naturally, I’ve finished a draft of the next Pine Cove book and am very excited to see what my editor thinks! Thank you Marla for visiting today! ____ Keep reading for more information about Marla and her new book, Framed for Murder. About Framed for Murder Framed For Murder (A Pine Cove Mystery) Cozy Mystery 1st in Series Setting - California Publisher ‏ : ‎ The Wild Rose Press, Inc. (June 17, 2024) Print length ‏ : ‎ 284 pages Digital ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0D18C415T After a life-changing injury, Mel O’Rourke trades in her badge for bed sheets, running a B & B in the quirky mountain town of Pine Cove. Her peaceful life is interrupted when an old frenemy, the notorious and charismatic cat burglar, Poppy Phillips, shows up on her doorstep, claiming she’s been framed for murder. While she’s broken plenty of laws, Mel knows she’d never kill anyone. Good thing she’s a better detective than she is a cook as she sets out to prove Poppy's innocence. The situation gets complicated, however, when the ruggedly handsome Deputy Sheriff Gregg Marks flirts with Mel, bringing him dangerously close to the criminal she’s hiding. And just when her friendship with café owner Jackson Thibodeaux blossoms into something more, he’s offered the opportunity of a lifetime in New Orleans. Should she encourage him to go, or ask him to stay? Who knew romance could be just as hard to solve as murder? Great Escapes Praise for Framed For Murder (A Pine Cove Mystery) by Marla A. White I highly recommend Framed for Murder for its humor, well-written characters, cozy setting, and mystery! ~Christy's Cozy Corners Framed for Murder contains the essential number of suspects, motives, and red herrings to make it an appealing read. My curiosity has been piqued and I'll be on the lookout for future installments of this mystery series. ~Book Club Librarian With a lot of wit, engaging characters, and entangled relationships FRAMED FOR MURDER is a delightful start to a new series. ~Cozy Up With Kathy Set in the small town of Pine Cove and featuring former police officer Mel, Framed For Murder (A Pine Cove Mystery) by Marla A. White was a fun read! ~Sarah Can't Stop Reading More About Marla A. White Marla White is an award-winning novelist who prefers killing people who annoy her on paper rather than in real life. Her first full-length mystery novel, “Cause for Elimination,” placed in several contests including Killer Nashville, The RONE Awards, The Reader’s Favorite, and finishing second in the Orange County Romance Writers for Romantic Suspense. Originally from Oklahoma, she lived in a lot of other states before settling down in Los Angeles to work in the television industry.  She currently teaches at UCLA Extension and gives seminars about the art of script coverage. When she’s not working on the next book, she’s out in the garden, hiking, cheering on the LA Kings, or discovering new craft cocktails. Fun facts Something readers might find interesting about this book: The quirky Babbling Brook Bed-and-Breakfast is loosely inspired by the Silver Pines Lodge in Idyllwild. Highly recommend staying there if you’re even in that neck of the woods. A fact about me that readers might find interesting: I share Mel’s nearly debilitating fear of heights. Well, not to the same extent, I can climb a set of stairs, but looking down more than a few flights? No way 😀 There’s a scene where Mel does a singing bowl session. I’ve done that and honestly, it’s pretty cool! I accomplished the dream of becoming a published writer in my late fifties after helping other writers craft their stories for thirty years. Social Media Links Twitter/X    Instagram    Facebook   TikTok   Goodreads    Bookbub   Amazon    Substack Purchase Links Amazon - Barnes and Noble – Apple Books  Also written by Marla A. White TOUR PARTICIPANTS June 17 – Mystery, Thrillers, and Suspense – SPOTLIGHT June 17 – eBook Addicts – SPOTLIGHT WITH EXCERPT  June 18 – Literary Gold – AUTHOR INTERVIEW June 18 – Maureen's Musings – SPOTLIGHT June 19 – Christy's Cozy Corners – REVIEW, CHARACTER GUEST POST June 19 – Hearts & Scribbles – SPOTLIGHT June 20 – FUONLYKNEW – SPOTLIGHT WITH EXCERPT June 20 – Ruff Drafts – AUTHOR GUEST POST June 21 – Book Club Librarian – REVIEW June 21 – Guatemala Paula Loves to Read – AUTHOR GUEST POST June 22 – Baroness Book Trove – SPOTLIGHT June 22 – Sapphyria's Book Reviews – SPOTLIGHT June 23 – Cozy Up With Kathy – REVIEW, AUTHOR INTERVIEW June 24 – Sarah Can't Stop Reading – REVIEW   June 25 – Elizabeth McKenna - Author – SPOTLIGHT June 25 – Escape With Dollycas Into A Good Book – AUTHOR INTERVIEW June 26 – Novels Alive – REVIEW June 27 – MJB Reviewers – SPOTLIGHT WITH EXCERPT June 27 – Celticlady's Reviews – SPOTLIGHT June 28 – Ascroft, eh? – CHARACTER INTERVIEW June 29 – StoreyBook Reviews – CHARACTER GUEST POST June 30 - Boys' Mom Reads! – REVIEW a Rafflecopter giveaway Have you signed up to be a Tour Host? Click Here to Find Details and Sign Up Today! Want to Book a Tour? Click Here Your Escape Into A Good Book Travel Agent This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase using my links, I will receive a small commission from the sale at no cost to you. Thank you for supporting Escape With Dollycas. Read the full article