#like why do I ever watch anything other than comedies. I hate being sad | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gukyi · 5 years ago

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if i told you | jjk

summary: in order to pay for university, jeon jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself. donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses (to look smarter), he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. all while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him.

{friends to lovers!au, college!au}

pairing: jeon jungkook x female reader genre: fluff, comedy, angst, we’ve got it all folks word count: 22k warnings: slightly underage alcohol consumption, mention of words that could be spoken on an crime documentary series but nothing graphic, ravioli-stealing, idiots to lovers, as per usual a/n: finally! here is the long awaited jungkook fic that i have literally been slaving over since the beginning of january. was this fic supposed to be 10k? yes. did i somehow end up writing 22k anyway? of course! in any case, please enjoy my absolute baby who i love and cherish!

check out the post-script drabble here!

Jeon Jungkook loses his job at the university call center on the seventeenth day of the fall semester of his sophomore year.

You know this because on the seventeenth day of the fall semester of your sophomore year, he comes banging on the door of your apartment shared with three other girls at 2:07PM, seven minutes after he normally starts his job at the university call center.

He’s lucky that you’re the only one who doesn’t have class in the 2PM hour.

“Y/N!” He shouts through the thin wooden door, his voice probably echoing down the thin hallway of your apartment complex.

You open it before the second knock—you only rush to the door to get him to shut the fuck up, and not because you’re excited to see him, you swear—to see him standing on the other side, XXL university hoodie draped over his figure, down to his mid-thigh, baggy hood pulled over his head like a sad college-aged Star Wars character. He looks exactly like a jaded sophomore year college student would. He is beautiful.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at the call center right now?” You ask in lieu of a normal “hello” or even a “what the fuck are you doing here, it’s 2PM”. Jungkook does not wait for you to invite him inside your apartment, immediately kicks off his shoes by the entrance and tugs on your apartment slippers that are a size-and-a-half too small for his feet, and marches over to your shared fridge to fish through the tupperware containers with your name written on Post-it notes for a mid-afternoon snack.

Jungkook waits until he’s got an entire piece of frozen supersized ravioli shoved into his mouth before he responds. “I was fired,” he says over a mouthful of pasta and cheese.

“What?” You ask, eyes widening as Jungkook shuffles through your kitchen drawers for a fork, which means that the first piece of ravioli that he ate he did so with his bare ass hands. Like a heathen. Like a ravioli-craving twenty-year-old heathen.

“I was fired,” Jungkook repeats. He stares at the microwave resting on your kitchen counter for a good ten seconds before he continues to eat the cold, unheated pasta. Every time he’s in your apartment (which is frequently), he tells you how it’s a fire, water, and explosive hazard to have your microwave on the counter like that. As if there is any other place in your apartment for it to go. Maybe out on the tiny balcony you have that overlooks the busiest street on campus.

“Care to offer an explanation as to why?” You ask, coming up next to him. Jungkook is nearly finished with your tupperware of ravioli, and normally you’d shout at him for it, but seeing as he was just fired from his only source of income as a money-starved college student, you’ll cut him some slack. Just a little.

“You remember that old, angry alumnus that told me that asking for donations in order to benefit low-income-slash-first generation students was selfish and rude of me, and that I wouldn’t be in college if it weren’t for what his generation accomplished?” Jungkook asks.

You remember that vividly. Jungkook spent an approximate two hours and thirty-seven minutes on FaceTime with you ranting about this one “old man bitch” who he had to speak to during his day at work, all while you did your economics problem set to the sweet, mellifluous sound of Jungkook’s shrill shrieks.

“The one you lost your temper at and shouted at for being ungrateful and elitist?” You ask pointedly. You have a feeling you already know where this conversation is going.

“Yeah,” Jungkook says with a roll of his eyes. He finishes the ravioli (goddamnit, now you’re going to have to find something else to eat for dinner at 11PM tonight) and turns around to place it in the sink. For once, it is not piled high with dishes from up to a week ago, so Jungkook even squirts a bit of Dawn onto a sponge and washes the plastic container for you. “Well, as it turns out, telling an old racist elitist that he’s old, racist, and elitist does not go down well with my boss.”

“Why does that not surprise me,” you muse. Jungkook sighs, walking over to where you’re taking it easy on the couch. “Oh no,” you say, eyes widening as he grins, plotting something. “Do not, Jungkook. Jungkook, do not!”

He jumps, catapulting himself onto the couch and landing on top of you with a thud. You let out a groan as the weight of his body hits you, foreheads nearly knocking into each other. Jungkook is a good foot-and-a-half too long for this dinky leather couch that’s always sort of smelled, feet and ankles hanging off the opposing arm rest just so he can nuzzle his face into the crook of your shoulder like he always does. You hate when he does this. Hate when he jumps onto the couch while you’re casually reclining just so he can collapse on top of you. Hate the feeling of his body resting against yours, soft breathes against the skin of your neck. Hate how it always makes you want more, how it will never be enough.

“Have you been working out?” You mumble against the fabric of his t-shirt. “You’re more muscle-y than usual.”

“I added weights to my routine,” Jungkook tells you mindlessly. If your roommates walked into your apartment right now and saw the both of you on the couch, you’d never hear the end of it. “Taehyung said it would make me more swole.”

“As if you need to be any more buff,” you say with a roll of your eyes. Jungkook’s the most athletic person you’ve ever met in your entire life. He could probably pick up your dinky couch with you sitting on it without batting an eyelash. Even Superman would tremble at the sight of him. “You’re perfect the way you are.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” Jungkook mutters into your skin. “God, what the fuck am I gonna do now? I need money to pay for everything in my life and my one source of income is now totally invalid because an old guy got what he deserved.”

“Are there any work-study positions still available?” You ask, hand reaching up to stroke at his hair, smoothing it down. Jungkook’s preferred cuddling position is big spoon, but he still demands that he be coddled as though he were the little spoon.

“No,” Jungkook says with a huff, “they’ve all been snagged by try-hard freshmen who need money like me.”

“I distinctly recall you being a try-hard freshman who also needed money,” you tell him. “That’s why you applied to work at the call center, isn’t it?”

Jungkook sits up, the weight of his figure crushing your legs as he rests on top of them. If you stayed like this forever, you’d probably lose feeling in your lower body, but you’d also get to stay with Jungkook forever, which is a trade-off you would genuinely consider. “Yeah, but the call center hires everybody. You just need to be like… decent at communication. And I’m pretty decent at communication.”

“You never text me back,” you tell him pointedly.

“That’s because I prefer showing up unannounced at your apartment or other places you frequent,” Jungkook reminds you excitedly. He’ll never let you forget about the time you were wrapping up a small seminar with your history professor and Jungkook burst through the doors with a whole thing of carrots and hummus because you had texted him that you were hungry. You could not look your history professor in the eye for the rest of the semester. “I’d say that’s pretty decent communication.”

“Well, you’re going to have to figure out another way to market your decent communication skills to get another job,” you tell him. “Have you considered the boba place on Oak? You could get me employee discounts.”

Jungkook leans over just to pinch at your cheek, fingers gripping onto your face and pulling like a grandmother. “You just want me for my money.”

“You’re my best friend, Jeon Jungkook,” you tell him. “Of course I do.”

This is what Jeon Jungkook’s obligatory university Facebook group introduction post read:

Hi, I’m Jungkook and I’m thinking of majoring in visual studies or computer science (really different lol I know)! I played soccer in high school but don’t think I’ll be continuing in college because I was pretty bad at it. I’m looking for a roommate and I’d really like to live in New East House, but anything works for me as long as it has a bed. Hit me up if you think we’d made a good match, but I like talking with everyone lol.

I’m really into music and can play the guitar, drums, and piano. I like listening to all types of music (yes, even country which slaps kinda hard sometimes) but my favorites are The 1975, Frank Ocean, Troye Sivan, and Khalid. Will bop to Justin Bieber on occasion as well.

I play Ultimate and am really interested in joining the club team here so hit me up and we can practice sometime because my skills are a little rusty. I also do a little skateboarding but I am definitely not a skater.

Hit me up if you think we can be friends lol I’m excited to meet you all!

It was accompanied by several pictures, a couple of which are selfies at that anime girl angle, one of him with his friends at prom all doing that Frat Boy pose, and a couple of him with his family. To an outsider doing a very quick glance, it pretty much reads the same as a rather extensive dating profile.

The truth of it all is, as you were scrolling through the hundreds of obligatory university Facebook group introduction posts in search of a freshman year roommate, you stumbled upon Jungkook’s intro post and you thought this: No. Way.

The moment you laid eyes on his first above-the-head angle selfie, you knew that it would be unlikely that you and Jeon Jungkook’s paths would ever cross. He played guitar and did Ultimate Frisbee, and you wanted to audition for your university’s symphony orchestra. He was beautiful but in that sort of college frat boy who can crush you at beer pong kind of way. Craziest of all, he was a computer science major, and you were walking in as an undecided humanities concentration.

Impossible. There was no way the two of you would ever meet, and you accepted that right off that bat. At a school your size, you would go through these four years not knowing a majority of your class. Jeon Jungkook was just one of the casualties.

On the very first day of orientation, Jeon Jungkook comes up to you on the sidewalk, wearing a white t-shirt, a backwards baseball cap, and shorts, and asks you if you’re here for orientation as well? He’s lost.

Jeon Jungkook is the type of guy you imagine getting eaten up by any girl who meets him almost immediately. He’s charming and endearing the same way a baby deer is, but has no problem wearing clothes that remind you of how fit he is. He is, for lack of a better term, extremely good looking.

“Yeah,” you had said on the sidewalk, squinting to look up at him since the sun was in your eyes. “I’m heading to the auditorium right now. Wanna walk with me?”

“Okay, sure,” Jungkook had replied, smiling with all of his teeth. Even in the sweaty summer heat, he looked even nicer in person. “Thanks, by the way. I’m Jungkook. What’s your name?”

You knew that already. How could you have forgotten?

You had grinned up at him. The universe has always worked in mysterious ways. “I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

When Jungkook doesn’t know what to do, he stress eats. Most often, you are the single witness to this action, which has literally no effect on his body mass whatsoever since he immediately burns off every calorie (and then some) at his next gym session.

That is precisely why you are sitting in the second-best dining hall on campus eating a pretty measly salad and french fries, while Jungkook returns from the serve-yourself cafeteria with his sixth plate of food. Next to you is your mutual friend Chaewon, a filthy rich international student from Korea who is probably the nicest person you’ve ever met.

“I think I’ve called every cafe, bubble tea shop, clothing store, and paid internship within a five-mile radius of this place and nothing,” Jungkook says with a sigh, keeping Chaewon updated with his job-search antics. It’s been several days since he was fired, and while being keenly cognizant of your bank account isn’t necessarily a bad thing, when it means that Jungkook refuses to leave campus because he is in hyper-saving mode, it sort of rustles your jimmies.

“Have you tried babysitting?” Chaewon supplies helpfully.

You laugh aloud at the mere thought of Jungkook stuck in some middle-aged parent’s house with their toddler for hours on a night where he could be living it up on campus. Jeon Jungkook? A babysitter?

“Wow, what the heck is wrong with me being a babysitter?” Jungkook questions, offended.

“First of all, you don’t even let me beat you in Mario Kart on your Switch and I am your best friend. If you ended up gaming with a four-year-old boy, your over-competitiveness would take over you and you’d crush the poor kid and his spirit,” you remind him pointedly. Not to mention the fact that the man cannot cook to save his life, and you can’t even entrust him with microwave dinners because of his irrational fear of modern oven technology.

Jungkook pouts. He knows you’re right.

“It’s not like you were going to look into babysitting, anyway,” you say with a shove, nudging his shoulder with your own.

Jungkook sighs, and despite all of the shit you give him on a daily basis (part of the responsibility of being his best friend), you do genuinely feel bad for him. Even if his job at the call center wasn’t the most intellectually stimulating nor morally rewarding, he didn’t absolutely hate it and he made a pretty decent earning off of it. He unzips his backpack and fumbles for his laptop, opening it up to reveal a Google Chrome window with approximately thirty-seven tabs open of places to work on and around campus. Meanwhile, Chaewon’s phone buzzes on the table, and she heaves out a great, exasperated exhale before picking up and immediately launching off into incredibly speedy Korean.

“If only the bubble tea place was hiring,” you lament, kissing goodbye all of the free bubble tea you had been dreaming about if Jungkook got hired.

“I’m glad I don’t work at the bubble tea place,” Jungkook tells you with his eyebrows raised, “otherwise I’d have to see you every day!”

“You already see me every day!” You should back, but it’s not like Jungkook doesn’t know that already. He’s the one always barging into your apartment or sitting down next to you in the library when you’re trying to study.

“But maybe you should try drinking less bubble tea, otherwise you’re gonna blow up like a tapioca pearl like that one girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,” Jungkook warns, pinching your cheek as if to make your face round like a tapioca bubble.

“I can think of nothing I’d want more than to be a tapioca pearl for the rest of my life,” you state simply. It would be much less stressful than to be a college student.

“If you were a tapioca pearl, I’d eat you!” Jungkook says, and you, out of the security of both your head and your heart, choose not to think too much into it.

As Jungkook teases you about your slight obsession with bubble tea, Chaewon finally puts the phone down after what very well was several minutes of angry Korean. She lets out this deep, long sigh, like all of the pent-up rage within her is exiting through her exhale.

“You good, Chae?” You ask her, a little concerned. Even after knowing her since the beginning of your freshman year, you’ve never once seen her get mad, though she looks pretty close to it now.

“Yeah,” she says, exasperated. “My mom is having this stupid company ball here and she really, really wants me to attend.” It is obvious that Chaewon does not, in fact, want to attend. You’ve seen Chaewon nearly every day for over a year, and you’ve never even seen her wear a pantsuit. You couldn’t imagine her joy at having to dress up in a ballgown.

“But fancy free food,” you point out. Even if she does have to be trapped in a penthouse ballroom with her parents’ stuffy business friends, the catering company will probably be god-tier.

Chaewon pretty much bangs her head on the dining hall table.

“Wow, I didn’t know someone could hate catered food so much,” you say, a little alarmed.

“It’s not that,” Chaewon says, rubbing her forehead. The pasta on the plate in front of her has remained untouched for nearly ten minutes now. You wonder if she’s even hungry anymore. “My mom wants me to bring a plus-one.”

Your eyes widen. An excuse to dress nice and eat good food? Hell yeah.

“And it can’t be you, Y/N, it has to be a date,” Chaewon says. It’s pretty obvious she’s not interested in dating whatsoever, no matter the gender of the object of her affection. You pout. Damn. “My mom said, ‘he can be whoever you want!’ but that means that he has to be an attractive Korean guy who’s got a future job in finance.”

“I’ll go with you,” Jungkook says over a mouthful of broccoli.

“You will?” Chaewon asks. Jungkook just single-handedly saved Chaewon from a night of unbearable business talk with a boy she doesn’t know and cannot relate to.

You scoff. “You’re just a regular Korean dude, Jungkook,” you tell him.

Jungkook pouts, bottom lip turned out. “You don’t think I’m attractive?”

You refuse to answer that question. You’re afraid of what you might say if you open your mouth.

“Seriously, you’d do that for me?” Chaewon turns to Jungkook with platonic stars in her eyes.

Jungkook shrugs. “Sure. I’ve got a suit. I’ll ask my friend Jimin for a crash course in finance before the thing. When is it?”

And just like that, you and Jungkook’s weekly Friday Mario Kart night gets a rain check.

Jeon Jungkook is the sole best decision of your life.

And it’s funny and twisted and wonderful, because he is the one thing you had failed to account for in your life. He stands there on the sidewalk in the blazing sun, black baseball cap nestled safely onto his dark brown hair, and in the split second it takes for him to open his mouth and say hello, everything changes.

But no longer is the image you conjure in your mind when you think of him a picture of him on that very first day of orientation, lost and excited all at once. It is of him barging into your apartment and eating all of your leftover ravioli. It’s him laying on your dinky couch like it belongs to him, surfing through all of the Netflix shows available and eventually just settling on old Gilmore Girls episodes like he always does. It’s him standing in your closet to judge your latest clothing purchases and take back any items that you’ve stolen from him over the years.

It’s imagining him not as a guest but as a permanent fixture in your home, in the place that makes you feel safest. Because that’s who Jungkook is, now. He is that place. He stands in your apartment rattling off a list of why microwaves are a severely underestimated killer, and it takes every inch of your being not to ask him to stay. To spend night after night cuddling on the couch, or make a home-cooked meal together on a Sunday evening, or get lost underneath the sheets on your bed.

Jungkook stands in your apartment like he belongs there. And only in your wildest dreams could you ever imagine that coming true.

Such is the case of that Friday night, when he’s supposed to accompany Chaewon to her terrible, awful, brain-melting parents’ business gala. You haven’t seen him all day, too busy with your club meetings to make time for him after your classes are finished for the week. College is never-ending in that horrible, unstoppable way.

It’s nearing two in the morning when you hear the knock on your door. Two of your roommates are at a rush event for their sorority, and the other sleeps through your smoke alarm on a regular basis, so you are tasked with the job of opening the door.

On the other side is Jungkook, as he frequently is.

Your heart practically freezes in place, like his eyes have shot right through it. Instead of his usual baggy outfit and a bucket hat, he’s standing outside of your apartment in a crisp navy suit (complete with a pocket square), rings lining his fingers and hair tousled in that effortlessly-styled kind of way. He looks like a goddamn celebrity, like a young, successful CEO. Like the love of your whole fucking life.

Coughing to distract from the fact that you’re practically drooling, you say, “Wow, you clean up nicely.”

Jungkook looks down at himself, almost as if he had forgotten he’s wearing a full suit entirely. “The pocket square is Jimin’s,” he explains, “but yeah. I didn’t want to let Chaewon down by not dressing up to code.”

He’s got remnants of makeup left on his face, having faded and smudged throughout the night. There’s a bit of black underneath his eyes from the liner, a smoldering effect that makes the dark brown of his irises even deeper. “You look tired,” you comment. “Why are you here, why don’t you go home, Jungkook? Get some sleep.”

Jungkook shrugs, looking over your shoulder to see if his arrival has woken up any of your roommates. “Your place was closer,” he says like it’s nothing.

Like it doesn’t make your breath catch in your throat, stop in its tracks. He spends an evening dressed up in a stuffy suit and tie surrounded by old businessmen and their preppy daughters with whom he has nothing in common, and when it’s nearly two in the morning and he can finally relax, he drives to your place instead of his own. Like it means nothing. As if it means anything at all.

Jungkook runs a hand through his perfectly styled hair, and even knotted and messy it still looks flawless. “If I’m bothering you, just let me know. I know it’s late.”

It’s so hard to say no to him.

“Just come inside already before you wake up the neighbors,” you tell him, sighing to pretend like it’s a minor inconvenience. And even running on barely any sleep with makeup smudged underneath his eyes, Jungkook grins as you let him inside your apartment, caving in, just like you always do.

The first thing he does when he’s inside is take off his fancy loafers and peel off his suit jacket, resting it against the back of the couch. You fumble around in the kitchen for the kettle, instinctively starting to make two cups of tea. Routine.

Looking up, you watch as Jungkook loosens his tie and takes it off, unbuttoning the first two buttons of his white dress shirt. By the counter, you turn your back to him so he doesn’t see you mentally combust. It’s impossible that he doesn’t already know what he does to you.

The kettle finishes boiling the moment Jungkook settles onto your couch. He keeps the television off so he doesn’t wake your roommates, and scrolls on his phone with his knees tucked underneath his chin. Thirty seconds later, you’re joining him, handing him the cup of tea before sitting down next to him, severely underdressed in comparison.

“Did you at least have fun tonight?” You ask.

“The food totally slapped,” Jungkook tells you. “Chaewon’s parents really pulled out all the stops.”

“So I’ve heard,” you muse.

“We spent most of the time lounging by the catering table and distracting each other by making up stories about all of the rich people there.” Jungkook laughs.

“Please tell me you didn’t embarrass yourself, though,” you say. Perhaps Jungkook could withstand a few blows to his ego, but Chaewon’s future pretty much depends on her impressing her parents and their comrades.

“No!” Jungkook tells you defensively. “Jimin told me everything I needed to know, but all of Chaewon’s friends and their filthy rich CEO parents thought I was so handsome that I didn’t even need to speak.”

You roll your eyes. Of course Jungkook wouldn’t give up the chance to remind you of his hellishly good looks.

“You just stood there, looking pretty?” You ask. Not as if he doesn’t do that already.

“You think I’m pretty?” Jungkook teases, a greasy smile sent your way, like he doesn’t know the answer anyway.

You huff. “Dressed up like this? Anyone would.”

“Chaewon said I was like her fake trophy husband,” Jungkook jokes. “She did all of the schmoozing. It’s not like I could have contributed anything anyway. Unless everyone wants to hear about C++.”

“Ooh, I love it when you talk all tech to me,” you tease, nudging him with your arm. “So sexy, keep talking.”

He laughs. “If we keep talking about Python I might get a little too excited.” He wiggles his eyebrows just for good measure and you giggle, holding onto this moment for dear life as you let it etch itself into your brain permanently. Times like these, you know you can’t forget, saving them for a rainy day thirty years down the line when you’re in love with someone that’s not Jungkook. When you look out the window and think about what might have been, if only things back in college had been a little bit different.

Jungkook’s phone buzzes on the table. He’s got two notifications, one from Instagram of Chaewon tagging him in a post, and another from Venmo.

“Fuckin’ damnit,” Jungkook swears, letting his phone drop on the couch cushion.

“What?” You ask, turning to look at him.

“Chaewon just Venmo’ed me a hundred dollars,” Jungkook says with a sigh. And it’s not one of those times when you see your bank account balance go up and get happy because yay, money!, it’s when your friend pays you anything over what they actually owe you out of the goodness of your heart, and you refuse to accept it.

“She did?” You ask, eyes widening. A hundred dollars? That’s more than Jungkook would make in three shifts at the call center.

“‘Thanks for bailing me out tonight. You definitely deserve more than 100 but then you’d be mad at me. But please don’t be mad at me!’” Jungkook reads off his phone. “I just stood there looking like eye candy. I didn’t do a thing to help her, what the heck?”

You pull out your own phone to check Chaewon’s latest post.

It’s a picture of them together in the skyscraper penthouse the gala was held in, Jungkook looking dapper in his suit with a glass of champagne in his hand, and Chaewon in a dress worth more than a semester’s tuition throwing up a peace sign like the trendy Asian she is. They look like a K-drama couple. Like two celebrities basking in their fame and wealth.

Shoutout to my one and only Jeon Jungkook for being my fake date tonight! Thanks to your good looks and charming personality for impressing all of my parents’ rich friends and their daughters. Love you 3000 💕

“Wow, whoever took this picture of the both of you knows their shit,” you say, impressed. You had always thought it impossible for Jungkook to look better in pictures than in real life, but this photo is coming rather close. If you were any more shameless, you’d ask Chaewon if she has any more photos of him. Just him, preferably.

It’s not as if she doesn’t know about your gargantuan crush on him anyway.

“I don’t think I’ve ever looked that good in a photo in my life,” Jungkook says with a laugh. Impossible. He yawns, placing his empty mug on the little end table next to the couch.

“You should set it as your profile picture,” you suggest, leaning your head on him and pretending like this is normal. He yawns again, stretching out as he rests his body against yours. “Hey, we should go to sleep. Unless you want to go home?”

Jungkook groans, snuggling in closer. “No, your bed is big enough for the two of us.”

And who are you to resist?

You wake up to the sound of a phone buzzing furiously on your bedside table. You crack open one eye just a sliver to see who the culprit is and immediately eradicate it, when the sun filtering through your Venetian blinds hits your cornea. You groan, shutting your eyes once more as you smack your hand around to get it to shut off.

The movement, however, causes the bedsheets to shift beside you, and when you turn, you find Jungkook nestled up tightly beneath your duvet, an arm stretched over your side as he hums in his sleep.

You’re best friends.

This is normal.

(The feeling of your heart beating out of its chest has become rather normal, as well.)

He’s wearing a raggedy old t-shirt of yours that has always been too big on you but fits him just perfectly and a pair of joggers that he keeps at your place “just in case”. Just in case he stays the night. Just in case you ever need them. Selfishly, you will yourself to fall back asleep, shutting your eyes tightly and pretending that maybe, if you never wake up, this moment will freeze in time, locking the two of you together for eternity.

He mumbles to himself in his sleep, a murmur of nothing as he shifts over slightly, hand dragging up your side.

God.

Next to you, the phone begins to buzz erratically again, and wide-awake, you look over to realize that it’s Jungkook’s, and that it’s Chaewon on the other end.

This is at least the second time she’s called, which means that, despite how tempting it is, you probably shouldn’t silence his phone and go back to lying in bed with Jungkook and pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist.

Sighing, you pick up.

“Jungkook!” Chaewon shouts on the other side. For a brief moment you wonder why on earth she’s so energetic so early, but it’s less that and more the fact that you are overwhelmingly lethargic rather late in the day. “All of my friends said you looked really good in those photos I posted of us. Do you think you’re free next Wednesday night? Seunghee wants you to accompany her to a double date her parents are forcing her to go on!”

“Chaewon—”

“Oh, Y/N! How’s it going?”

“I just woke up,” you mumble quietly as Jungkook stirs beside you.

“Of course you did,” Chaewon says, and you can see her rolling her eyes on the other side of the line. “Wait, why do you have Jungkook’s phone if you just woke up? Oh my God, don’t tell me—”

“Shh!” You hiss into the phone. Jungkook is slowly beginning to wake up, and you can only pray that he isn’t listening in to the conversation between you and Chaewon. “No, we did not. He got back after your thing and we promptly passed out in my bed, fully clothed,” you whisper loudly.

“Jungkook went to your place last night? He was so tired, I thought he was going straight back to his. We even got dropped off outside my apartment.”

What? Chaewon and Jungkook live within a three-minute walk of each other. Your apartment is ten minutes away from both of them.

“You did?” You ask, eyebrows furrowing.

“Who’s that?”

You turn around to see Jungkook lying on his back, head resting on a nearly-deflated pillow of yours as he looks up at you, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His hair is mussed, some parts styled and stiff with hair gel, and some parts tangled and unkempt. He looks like he’s been lying in that position for a while, hand resting behind his head as he gazes up at you.

“It’s Chaewon,” you tell him softly as she laughs on the other end. “She just called your phone. Are you free next Wednesday?”

“Hmm?” Jungkook, still half-asleep. “When?”

“Next Wednesday,” you repeat, a hand on the phone like it’s going to do anything to stop Chaewon from listening to you two. “Chaewon says she has a friend who wants you to accompany her to a double date she’s been set up to go on by her parents.”

“Mmmrph,” Jungkook mumbles. It’s clear he hasn’t even thought about his plans for the rest of the day, let alone next Wednesday.

“He’s not available right now,” you say into the phone. Chaewon snorts.

“Fine,” Chaewon says with a sigh. “Can you pass the message on when you guys are done pretending that you aren’t fucking behind my back?”

You suck in a breath. “Chaewon!” You hiss. “We are not—” you quickly turn back to Jungkook, who, by the looks of his hooded eyes and bewildered expression, isn’t listening in, “—fucking!” You whisper. “You know we’re not!”

Chaewon laughs. “Yeah, yeah. Call me later, Y/N, we should grab ice cream or something.” She hangs up.

“Who was that?” Jungkook asks sleepily, eyes still half-lidded as he sits up in your bed, soft skin, brown hair, pouted lips amongst a sea of white, bundled up in your thick duvet as if sitting on a cloud.

“Chaewon,” you tell him.

“Oh, why was she calling?”

“She wanted to ask if you were free next Wednesday.”

“To do what?”

Maybe you were worried about Jungkook listening in to Chaewon grill you about your relationship (or serious lack thereof) for nothing.

“She has a friend who wants you to go on a parent-mandated double date, trophy boyfriend style,” you explain. Jungkook groans.

“Pretending to know business is mentally, physically, and morally draining. It feels like I’m selling my soul to capitalism,” he says with a sigh, collapsing back against the mattress. “I just wanna stay here forever. It’s so cozy.”

“Come on, Kook,” you say, tugging the duvet off of him to reveal the rest of his body. He curls into himself at the exposure, refusing to budge. “You’ve encroached on my apartment long enough.”

“Y/N,” Jungkook whines, drawing out your name for good measure. “Noooooooo.” He reaches out to cling onto your wrist, which means that if you want him out of your bed, you’ll have to drag him out.

“Jungkook, you’re swole, you know I can’t tug you out of my bed,” you say with a pout. He knows every trick in the book to use against you, and worst of all, he knows you’re weak to all of them.

“Good,” Jungkook says with a loopy smile, pulling you back onto the bed like it’s nothing. You yelp as you come crashing on top of him, your body bumping into his as he wraps his arms around you and flops back onto your bed. You laugh and shout at the feeling as Jungkook cuddles up in the warmth of the sheets, pulling you in tightly to his body. “It’s so warm here, let’s stay like this forever.”

“What about food?”

“You keep a stash of Clif bars under your bed, we’ll eat those,” Jungkook suggests.

You attempt to wriggle out of his grip, hoping to escape before he holds you long enough to get addicted, hooked on the feeling of his arms around you, his body against yours. But Jungkook is nothing if not persistent and clingy, and he wraps his arms tightly around your torso like a koala, warm and soft. “Come on, Jungkook. It’s nearly noon. Let’s be productive today.”

“Gross.”

“Let’s not sit in bed all day.”

“Grosser. Let’s just stay in your bed all day and pretend that we don’t have any real responsibilities.”

“Given that we’re in college, that may be slightly difficult.”

“Fuck that, your GPA doesn’t matter anyway. Unless you have plans on going to grad school?” He asks with an eyebrow raise, turning to look at you.

“No way, I’m not paying for another four years of this shit,” you immediately declare. Let the capitalist system of higher education extort another two to four years worth of tuition out of you for the same degree? Absolutely not.

“Then why move?” Jungkook says with a grin.

“Because,” you say, stumbling for a real answer.

“Not good enough.” He grins cheekily. “I vote to stay in bed.”

“I vote to do my readings, your CS homework, and get back to Chaewon about Wednesday.”

“God,” Jungkook says with a sigh. “What’s Wednesday?”

“Oh my God, you need to call Chaewon. Right now. Before you ask me what you have on Wednesday one more time after losing all of your brain cells lounging around in my personal bed and refusing to leave,” you say, eyes wide as you worm your way out of his grip, dusting yourself off and heading to your closet.

“Noooooooo,” Jungkook says, reaching out a desperate hand. “Y/N, come back.”

“Call Chaewon. Call her!” You order, fishing around in your closet for some fresh clothes. You’ve been wearing the same one since Thursday night. You are disgusting.

Jungkook groans but obeys, picking up his phone and pressing her contact. “Hey Chae, it’s Jungkook. Listen, I’m literally going to Venmo you back what you paid me because you? Literally didn’t need to pay me at all? And I’m actually mad at you for it? Wait, what do you mean am I up to getting paid on Wednesday—”

The phone call presents the perfect opportunity for you to dash out of your bedroom and into the bathroom, where you splash yourself with cold tap water like a model in a face wash commercial (who already has perfect skin, so why does she need this new face wash, seriously?) to clear your head. It’s been a weird twelve hours. Even weirder knowing that across the hall, Jungkook is sitting in your room, on your bed, in your clothes, under your bed sheets. Knowing that maybe, in another universe, on another timeline, you would be in the exact same positions, only everything would be different.

You wash your face, hoping to wake yourself up. Convince your mind that the past twelve hours have been nothing but a dream, and that when you walk back into your room, Jungkook will have vanished. Or he would have never been there in the first place.

You leave the bathroom and return to your bedroom to see Jungkook tugging on his suit jacket, wearing the same clothes he had on when he knocked on your door at 2AM last night. He’s still on the phone, wrapping up the conversation with Chaewon.

“Yeah, yeah, tell her that I’m down. She can just text me, give her my number. I’m happy to do this for you and your friends, Chae. Plus, she’s gonna pay me and I feel less bad about it because it’s a service and she’s not a close friend like you are. Yeah, it’s all good,” he looks up to see you standing at the door, leaning against the frame. “Yeah, Y/N just got back so I’m gonna go. Maybe we can grab dinner or something tonight? Cool. Bye.”

“Dinner without me?” You ask with a pout.

“Never,” Jungkook says wickedly. “You’re always invited.”

“Have you figured out what’s going on on Wednesday?” You tease him as you walk him to the door.

“Chaewon has a friend, Soojin, who wants me to accompany her on a parent-mandated double date with a business partner’s daughter,” Jungkook explains. “Apparently all of Chaewon’s friends realized I make a pretty good fake trophy boyfriend.”

You rub his shoulder. He’d make a great real boyfriend too. Not that you think about that all of the time, or anything. “Gonna put that on your resume, big guy?”

“Of course.” Jungkook smiles. “Dinner tonight? We can go to the ramen place you really like.”

“Sure thing, is Chaewon coming?”

“If she wants to. Otherwise, it’ll just be us.”

“Sounds good,” you tell him. “See you then.”

“Hopefully before,” Jungkook says. “Thanks for letting me crash here last night, by the way.”

“Anytime,” you say. Maybe one day, it’ll be true.

Next Wednesday, there’s a knock on your door at midnight.

Who else could it be?

It was supposed to be a one-time thing. And then it was supposed to be just a two-time thing. And before you knew it, Jungkook’s number and his services were circling through the ring of wealthy international students, jumping from phone to phone as people crammed to get him to accompany them on their next double date, next business gala, next ballroom dance.

You had always had a feeling that his charming, charismatic personality would eventually draw everybody towards him, so electric and magnetic that you couldn’t help but want to know him, make friends with him, be close to him. From the moment you saw his Facebook introduction post, you knew it was only a matter of time before everyone on campus knew his name.

[October 17th, 4:12PM] You: do u want to get dinner tonight

Jungkook: would love to but have to go to kim family business dinner with dahyun sorry :(

You: ok next time then!

[October 23rd, 1:03PM]

You: yo what r u doing You: i have so many readings to do rip You: do u wanna come to greene w me and study

Jungkook: heejin is taking me shopping for a fancy suit for her family’s event tomorrow i can’t :/ Jungkook: but i am going to get macaroons for u at the mall so we can see each other later!

You: yummm sure thing!

[October 30th, 9:58AM]

You: hey ik you’re asleep rn but we are still on for tomorrow right? 🎃 You: can’t let our one (1) year long halloween tradition of buying last-minute candy and watching the nightmare before christmas together die

[October 30th, 11:13PM]

Jungkook: omg i just saw this now im so sorry Jungkook: uh yeonjoo wants me to go to her sister’s halloween party tm so idk if i can make it this year

[October 31st, 2:02AM]

You: ok You: thanks for telling me

It’s no fun watching The Nightmare Before Christmas by yourself, you realize this Halloween. All of your roommates are out frequenting one of the hundreds of parties being thrown on campus tonight, and although you’d normally be up for getting drunk and dropping it low, you just aren’t in the Halloween spirit this year. Wonder why.

Armed with the knowledge that your roommates probably won’t be back until three or four in the morning, you shut your laptop and decide to go to bed early. Early being midnight, but it’s early for you and that’s all that really matters.

You don’t know why you’re being such a stick in the mud this Halloween. It’s always been one of your favorite holidays, never one to pass up free candy nor the option to dress up, but this one has been particularly lame. You don’t have a costume, your local drugstore is out of mini Skittles packets, and you don’t have someone to spend it with.

Realistically, you have no reason to be sad that Jungkook isn’t available tonight. It’s not as if spending Halloween together is some ancient tradition from birth that binds the two of you together. You did it for the first time as freshmen, and you were foolishly hoping to do the same thing as sophomores. It’s not a tradition if it only happened once.

You look in the bathroom mirror, stained with nail polish and dry shampoo and old skincare, and you sigh. Jungkook has every right to prioritize his current and only source of income over a night spent lounging on the couch doing nothing. It’s not as if you haven’t seen your best friend in over a month and this was the only night you both had free. Jungkook drops by after every single event he goes on. Every single one. He stands outside your door dressed in a fancy suit, or a silk button down, leather shoes and expensive jewelry bought for him by the girls he goes out with.

No matter the time, he knocks on your door and says hello, steals a cup of tea and a bit of your heart along with it, before bouncing out of your living room and off to his own apartment. He doesn’t stay the night anymore, doesn’t worm his way underneath your duvet and refuse to move until morning comes. It’s hard to tell if you’re grateful about it or not.

Sluggishly, you peel off your clothes and wash your face, changing into some old sweatpants from the tenth grade and a t-shirt with an embarrassingly large hole in the armpit. This Halloween, you are dressing up as a lonely college student who is going to bed early on Halloween night because she has nothing better to do!

There’s a knock on your door.

Your first instinct is to freeze up. When there’s another knock, your second instinct is to grab the closest object to you (which happens to be your water bottle) for self-defense.

And then, you hear,

“You’re not watching The Nightmare before Christmas without me, are you?”

To spare yourself the shame, you won’t say that you practically leapt out of bed the moment you heard his voice. You calmly removed the covers, and casually walked to the front door. That is what you did.

When you open it, Jungkook is standing behind it, grinning, wearing the greasiest police officer outfit you’ve ever seen in your entire life. This flew at a marketing company’s heir’s Halloween party? He’s even got what looks to be a fully-loaded water gun in his holster.

“Don’t tell me this is what you wore to some fancy-shmancy Halloween party,” you say disapprovingly, eyebrows raised as you look him up and down and pretend that you aren’t just ogling his figure.

“It was fine, Yeonjoo’s sister just graduated college. If anything, she was more okay with it than Yeonjoo was,” Jungkook says with a shrug. You don’t even need to let him in at this point, just watch as he tugs off his shoes and steps inside your apartment like it belongs to him.

“What was Yeonjoo dressed as?”

“Princess Leia. We made for a very mismatched pair,” Jungkook says, chuckling to himself. “Ooh, did you guys get new tea?”

“You can have some if you want,” you tell him, shutting the door as he eagerly pulls out a box of teabags, turning on the electric kettle on the counter. “I think it’s Wild Berry Hibiscus.”

“Sounds good already,” Jungkook says, and he lets out a sigh that sounds so exhausted, so tired and aching, as he leans back against the countertop, head resting on the cupboards above it.

“You could have gone home, you know,” you tell him. Even from the couch you can see the droop in his shoulders, the bags under his eyes. He’s been going out several times every week for the past month, and he still has a truckload of CS assignments on top. He spends precious hours schmoozing with wealthy businessmen and women, shaking people’s hands and posing for pictures in the fanciest clothes he owns and then some. The selfish part of you wants him to stay. The part that loves him knows it would be better if he went home. “You still can.”

“No,” Jungkook insists, shaking his head. “We have a tradition to uphold, don’t we?”

Even though The Nightmare Before Christmas is seventy-six minutes long, the night ends long before that. You haven’t even reached “This Is Halloween” before you feel a head hit your shoulder, and crane your neck to find Jungkook having fallen fast asleep beside you, half-full cup of Wild Berry Hibiscus next to the laptop in front of you. He’s still wearing his stupid police officer costume, the navy blue uniform tight against his body. His lips are parted ever so softly, eyelashes fluttering as little non-sounds exit his mouth, hints, whispers of snores.

He hasn’t slept over since the first time. You’re not sure if you want the trend to continue, or if you just want to be a little bit selfish tonight, greedy, taking and taking and taking. He’s so beautiful like this, so innocent and gentle and soft. It would be such a shame if you had to wake him.

And so, gingerly, you rest your head against his own, breathe in the quiet little sounds that leave his parted lips, memorize the feeling. It’s not the first time Jungkook’s accidentally fallen asleep on you, but there is something about this moment, sitting on your couch a few minutes past midnight, as the rest of the world celebrates around you, that is so intimate. Like here, in your apartment, you and Jungkook have your own little bubble, tucked away in a corner of the universe far from the noise of the rest of the world. And it’s here that you wish you could stay forever, for once never wanting the feeling to end. Wanting time to freeze in its very steps, the clocks stop and the orbit halts, and it is just you and Jungkook, forever. Like characters in a movie, on pause for eternity.

The moment ends when Jungkook shifts beside you before eventually coming to, slowly opening his eyes as he turns to look at you. You smile at him, dazed and tired, as he sits up properly, staring down at your half-opened laptop and the half-full cup of tea next to it.

“Thought you’d end up sleeping here again tonight,” you joke, even though it isn’t really a joke. Maybe, somewhere deep down inside you, in the crevices between your bones and the dark corner of your heart, you had hoped that he would stay.

“Oh, did I fall asleep?” Jungkook asks, blinking away the sleep in his eyes. It’s nearly two-thirty in the morning.

“Just for a bit. I didn’t want to wake you, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to head back to your apartment or anything,” you tell him.

Jungkook nearly jumps up off the couch at that, like he’s got springs in his shoes. Suddenly he’s wide awake, brown eyes blown open as he scrambles to gather his belongings, taking the cup of tea and quickly dumping it out in your sink.

“Hey, don’t you want that?” You ask.

“No, no, it’s okay. I’ll come by some other time and have some, it was really good, I just fell asleep while drinking it,” Jungkook sputters, words moving a mile a minute as he tugs on his heavy black officer boots, scuffed at the tips from wear and tear. It’s as if he’s desperate to leave. Like your apartment has somehow offended him. Or worse, you.

“If you want to stay, Jungkook, you can,” you tell him, standing up to run to the door before he pulls the damn thing off his hinges with how fast he’s moving. “I don’t mind. My bed is big enough for the both of us.”

“No, I should—I should get going. My… plants need watering. Right now. I totally forgot.”

It’s not a completely bullshit excuse. Jungkook has a fair few pothos amongst his other worldly apartment belongings, hanging from his ceiling or potted in old mugs and janky shoes. But it’s still a pretty bullshit excuse. It’s dark. Jungkook waters his plants every Sunday, and it’s Friday. It’s obvious he wants to get the hell out of your apartment for whatever reason.

All you can do is hope and pray that it isn’t you who’s driving him away.

“Oh—okay,” you tell him, opening the door as he furiously laces up his other boot.

“Thanks for doing this. Next Halloween will be more fun, I swear. I won’t fall asleep on you. Or anything.”

“Okay, see you soon, then?” You ask, searching for a clue, a hint, anything that will tell you that it’s not you, that he hasn’t found you out yet. That you can still be friends, be best friends, because even if you want to kiss him, hold his hand, roll around in bed with him, loving him from afar is good enough.

“Yes, yes, definitely. Dinner? Uh… sometime this week? I’ll text you. I have to go. Plants. See you!”

He dashes down the hallway.

And you end your Halloween the same way you started it. Alone.

Jungkook ran out of your apartment the other day like it was infested with cockroaches. Or the Black Plague. Or your microwave had just beeped. It was as if simply being inside it was going to scar him for life.

Maybe your apartment is cursed. Jungkook does believe in ghosts. That’s another reason as to why he fears the microwave. Tiny ghosts could be living inside the microwave chamber and you’d never know. But Jungkook knows better. He knows that they’re there.

“He just… ran out?” Chaewon asks, clearly bewildered. The two of you have been working on the first floor of the library all day, obviously doing everything in your power to not actually complete any of your assignments.

“Yeah, something about his plants.” You sigh.

Chaewon narrows her eyes, the same way she does when she’s plotting something. “Interesting.”

“What?” You ask, nudging her to see if you can worm a less mysterious response out of her.

“Nothing,” Chaewon says with a nonchalant shrug. She clearly has something to say.

“What?” You repeat forcefully. Chaewon doesn’t get to go all cryptic on you just because Jungkook ran out of your apartment like it had set fire.

“I know I’ve only known you guys for, like, a year and a bit now, but you two have the strangest relationship I’ve ever seen,” Chaewon comments like it’s nobody’s business when it is, in fact, specifically two people’s business.

You scowl. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just…” She pauses, thinking. In the silence, she begins to pack up her belongings, shoving her laptop into her bag and gathering up the small pile of candy wrappers slowly amassing in front of her. “I’ve never seen two best friends have a relationship quite like yours.”

“Thanks?”

“What are you doing for dinner? I’m eating with Yoonji, but you’re welcome to join if you want,” Chaewon offers. Even though you have no idea who Yoonji is, Chaewon would never exclude you from eating with them.

“I’m getting Korean food with Jungkook, but thanks for the offer,” you say, only to be greeted with Chaewon rolling her eyes. He said he’d meet us outside?”

Sure enough, when you head out of the glass doors at the front of the library, Jungkook is waiting dutifully on a bench close by, headphones in as he nods his head and taps his feet to the beat of the music, lost in his own world. He doesn’t even realize that you’ve left the library until you’re two feet in front of him, when he recognizes your beat-up white sneakers and looks up at you in glee, eyes crinkled into crescents.

“Ready to go?” You ask happily. Your stomach has been rumbling ever since Jungkook suggested you go out to eat this morning.

“Hell yeah I am,” Jungkook says, putting his earbuds away as he stands up. “You coming, Chae?”

She shakes her head. “No, I’m eating with a friend.” There’s nudge against your shoulder, and when you turn to face her, she winks. “But you two enjoy yourselves! Don’t have too much fun without me!”

Before you can publicly berate her for being so goddamn obvious, she’s rotating 180 degrees on her heel and speed-walking in the opposite direction, zooming off so you don’t get the chance.

“I feel like we haven’t seen each other in ages,” you comment mindlessly. Twenty-four hours away from Jungkook feels like a lifetime and a half. Forty-eight is a light year.

“I’ve been busy,” Jungkook says vaguely, shrugging his shoulders.

“Doing what, going out to fancy restaurants and galas?” You half-tease. It’s sad but true—Jungkook spends his nights living a life you could only dream of. And all of these rituals you share, from studying in the library until three in the morning to crashing at his place and taking naps on separate couches, get put on the backburner.

“Hey, it’s hard work pretending to be rich,” Jungkook pouts. “Besides, the craziest thing about going to those things is that rich Korean people don’t serve Korean food at their fancy gatherings. They serve shit like caviar.”

“Is that why you’re so desperate to get Korean?” You ask pointedly.

“Yes,” Jungkook emphasizes. “Man, I just want some tteokbokki.”

“Then we’ll go and eat all of the tteokbokki you can dream of,” you promise. You round the street corner and on the edge of the main road and an alleyway sits a tiny Korean restaurant the size of a bedroom, no more than six cramped tables inside. It’s run by a family who passes it down through each generation, dependent on the starving college students nearby to keep it alive.

It’s Jungkook’s favorite place. The owner gives him a discount every time he sees him.

(It’s impossible not to fall in love with Jungkook. Impossible to not be drawn to his presence, his personality. Like moths to a flame, you can’t help but come closer.)

“Ah, Jungkook!” The old man behind the counter greets as the bell above the entrance rings. “Sit! Sit!” He points to your favorite table, a round one in the far left corner that’s right next to the biggest window. “Usual?”

“Tteokbokki, too, please!” Jungkook shouts. The man gives you both a thumbs up and heads back into the kitchen.

“It’s been a while since we came here,” Jungkook notices. You both usually eat lunch on campus and Jungkook has been largely unavailable for dinner.

“Almost sounds like you missed it,” you poke fun.

“God, I missed it so much,” Jungkook exclaims, tilting his head back in exasperation. “I didn’t realize that it would be so much work to get dressed up in a suit and look hot.”

“Don’t make it sound like such a drag.” You frown. Jungkook needs to put in literally zero effort to look hot. Sitting across from him in this tiny Korean restaurant as he wears nothing but a massive hoodie and black joggers, he looks hot. When he wakes up in your bed in a raggedy t-shirt, he looks hot. When you catch him at three in the morning in the library after eighteen straight hours of studying, he looks hot.

Jungkook sits there and radiates light. Radiates warmth and joy and beauty. Laughter and hope. He’s the college version of a Disney prince. Perfectly imperfect and completely out of your reach.

“I wish I could take you with me, you might enjoy it,” Jungkook sighs. “Plus, I have literally never seen you wear something fancier than business casual. Imagine you in a ballgown!”

“In your dreams, Jeon,” you rebuke. “Free catered food sounds nice but having to mingle with the 1% does not.”

“Touché,” Jungkook concedes. “I don’t know how Chaewon does it.”

“She’s a goddess.”

“Indeed.”

Jungkook pours you a cup of water from the pitcher that the old man dropped off, and then pours one for himself. “Chaewon said that I did well, though.”

Not surprising. Jungkook excels at everything he does.

“Of course you did, you sexy beast,” you chide.

“She said I’d make a good boyfriend.”

You choke on your water as the man’s son brings out your food, and you desperately attempt to avoid eye contact as you sputter and cough into a napkin, gaze pointed away from both a surprised waiter and a concerned Jungkook, who awkwardly thanks the man and leans over to pat your back.

“You good?” He asks, brows furrowed.

Coughing, you say, “I’m okay, I’m okay. It just—it went down the wrong pipe, that’s all.” Jungkook doesn’t buy it, and the little coughs escaping your throat don’t do much to corroborate your claim. “Seriously, Jungkook. I’m okay. It’s just water.”

“You looked like you were on the verge of death,” Jungkook frowns.

“That’s just my face,” you fire back. “Just keep talking about what you were saying earlier. What was it?”

“Being a good boyfriend,” Jungkook says, and with no water near your lips to distract you this time, your mind bears the full force of his words, weighing down on your shoulders like a calculus textbook.

It’s not as if you aren’t already aware that Jungkook would be the best boyfriend in the entire world, bar none. Not as if you don’t sit in bed and dream of a parallel universe, a life other than the one you’re living in right now, where Jungkook is lovely and wonderful and yours. He knocks on your door at a random hour in the afternoon with Chinese takeout from the local restaurant. He remembers your homework assignments when you forget them. He sits in bed with you and judges the Instagrams of the guys on the latest Bachelorette season. It’s as if he was already yours.

“Believe me,” you scoff. “The people know how great of a boyfriend you are.”

“It’s fake, though,” Jungkook reminds you. “It’s only for a night. An evening, really.”

“Better than nothing,” you sigh. “If only I had enough money to rent myself a fake boyfriend for a night.”

“If only your parents were the CEOs of a multibillion dollar cooperation,” Jungkook adds on.

“Truth,” you say, and you and Jungkook toast to that. Toast to knowing that some people are born with a silver spoon in their mouths. Toast to knowing that some of those people can get for themselves something you can only imagine in your wildest dreams—a night with Jungkook. More than just a night. A night spent dressed up in your fanciest clothes, arms wrapped tightly around each other. A night spent as a couple, rather than you and Jungkook.

Toast to knowing that even if you’ll never get to have him like that, you get to have him like this, and you’d rather it be like this than nothing at all.

“You don’t need to rent a fake boyfriend for a night, Y/N,” Jungkook tells you once you’ve downed the water in your glasses (stay hydrated!). “You shouldn’t feel pressured to spend time with people you don’t want to spend time with.”

You don’t understand, you sigh. I’d give anything to spend time with you.

Jungkook pays. He says that he’s made more money accompanying wealthy socialites—even ones that don’t go to your school, because word gets around—than he would in a month’s worth of shifts at the call center. He says he’s never looking back. He’s probably not going to give up the gig for a while, either.

“Just because you have cash now doesn’t mean you get a free pass to pay for everything we do together,” you warn. You’ve always split the price of meals, split the price birthday cakes for your friends. In the beginning of freshman year, Jungkook ate a quarter of a bag of goldfish you had and paid you fifty-three cents to account for his consumption, which you immediately sent back to him. You still fight over it, finding surreptitious ways to incorporate it into the Venmo payments you make to each other.

“I’m rich, I can do whatever I want with my money,” Jungkook proclaims. “And if that means treating my best friend to a meal, then that means I’m gonna treat her to a meal.”

“That’s very rude of you,” you tell him pointedly. “Zero out of ten, worst best friend in the entire world. Will not accept my Venmo payments.”

Walking down the sidewalk, side by side, Jungkook wraps an arm around you and pulls you in for a side hug as you come to a stop at a traffic light. “You always do so much for me and Chaewon. You deserve to be treated once in a while, Y/N.”

“Why, ‘cause I go out to CVS at ten at night to get you Nyquil after you catch the common cold from some sweaty guy at the gym?”

“That,” Jungkook nods, conceding, “and also because you’re one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for. The people who know you are lucky to get to say your name.”

If only Jungkook knew that he was the exact same. It’s an honor to know him. It’s a blessing to love him.

“What fancy clothes do you own?” Chaewon’s lying on your bed, scrolling mindlessly on her phone.

“I don’t know,” you respond, brows furrowing. You get up from your desk chair to start fishing through your closet, “I have, like, some business casual stuff.”

“How about a dress?”

You whip around suspiciously, eyeing Chaewon as she lounges around in your room and acts like she isn’t plotting something nefarious. “Don’t you think you could tell me what you’re trying to convince me to do before you ask me if I have the appropriate clothing?”

Even lying on her back, Chaewon still manages to roll her eyes, sitting up to meet your gaze. “There’s a gala tonight to celebrate some big business deal being closed and I want you to come with me,” she says like it’s a chore, exasperated.

“Me?” You frown. “Why not Jungkook?”

“He said he had some thing to do for some other girl,” Chaewon says. The topic clearly is not at the forefront of her mind. It’s a little too obvious that it’s at the forefront of yours. “Besides, I was given no date restrictions and you deserve to have a little fun tonight. It’s a Friday!”

“I just want to stay in bed and play Legend of Zelda,” you tell her.

“You’re already out of bed,” Chaewon points out unhelpfully.

“Well, then I want to get into bed and play Legend of Zelda,” you rephrase.

Chaewon pouts. “Noooo, please? It’ll be fun, I swear,” Chaewon pleads. “It’s a huge party and hundreds of people are going to be there. Everybody gets to bring a plus one. You won’t be the only person who doesn’t know anything about business and has to cling onto their date in order to survive.”

“Gee, thanks. That makes me want to go so much,” you deadpan.

“Seriously, Y/N. When was the last time you went out on a Friday?”

A while ago. You and Jungkook started having Mario Kart nights on Friday in the middle of your freshman year after you both came to the conclusion that every frat party smells, sounds, and tastes like the same fifty shades of college regret. You haven’t gone out since.

“Not that long ago,” you lie. It’s been months.

“Yeah, right,” Chaewon scoffs. “Don’t think I don’t see your Bitmoji on the SnapMap sitting in your damn apartment on a Friday at 11PM,” she scolds.

“I’m gonna turn off my location,” you declare. You’ve had enough of Snapchat exposing you and your location. People can live in mystery about your whereabouts from now on. They don’t need to know. Chaewon certainly does not.

“No excuses, you’re coming with me to the gala! You must have something to wear in that closet of yours, don’t you?” She slides off of your bed with a thud and joins you as you stand in front of your clothes. None of them scream fancy. None of them even whisper it. You stand back as she shuffles through your clothes, hangers squeaking as she shoves them along the rail. Chaewon tears through your clothing faster than you skim through your economics readings. “Aha! What do we have here?”

She whips out a dress from the very back of your closet, right behind the blazer you never wear because you’d rather be caught dead than in business attire. It’s old—you don’t think you’ve worn it since the beginning of your freshman year when you thought you actually had to dress up for parties. Needless to say, you dry-cleaned it the following Monday and never wore it again. You don’t even recall bringing it to college this year.

“This is perfect!” Chaewon cries. “Really says ‘I can fucking dress myself’, don’t you think?”

“Are you implying that I can’t dress myself?”

“You should definitely wear this,” Chaewon decides, dodging the question. “Gucci and Louis Vuitton are overrated, anyway.”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I.” Chaewon thrusts the dress towards you.

Chaewon shakes her head. “Of course you don’t.”

Three hours later finds you one makeup and hair session later, standing in the lobby of a magnificent skyscraper wearing a dress that maybe could have done without the cup of frozen yogurt that you ate before you arrived. Now you remember why you haven’t really worn it since the beginning of last year. Has it shrunk?

“I feel like a loser, Chaewon,” you hiss as she bats her eyelashes and gets directed to the private elevator that will lead you both to the top floor. “A money-less, jobless loser.”

“At least you’re honest, Y/N,” Chaewon whispers back as you step into the elevator. Despite being nearly an hour and a half late (“Fashionably so!” Chaewon exclaims.) you are crowded into the back corner, several other couples stepping inside to join you, all of them wearing clothes that cost more than your tuition for all four years of college, combined. “That’s better than most of the people here.”

Nothing separates the rich from the poor like morality.

When the elevator doors open, you and Chaewon are the last group to step out, milling about in the corner until the path is free. And when you turn your gaze away from her, you realize just why Jungkook’s so keen on going to events like these, why he never turns down an offer when it lights up his phone screen.

In movies, rich people flaunt their wealth so extravagantly that it almost looks fake. From gigantic ice sculptures to ten-feet-tall chocolate fountains, entire orchestras and dresses worth thousands of dollars, it makes you wonder if rich people really do see those items as necessities when throwing a party. They rent out entire European castles and the press publicizes every one of their actions. To you, it looks contrived, unrealistic. Even if rich people have enough money to sustain the bottom 99% for hundreds of years, how could they spend their money on nonsense like this?

As it turns out, the ice sculptures and chocolate fountains are only half of the story.

At this gala, the hosts have spared no expense. The entire penthouse is made purely of glass, from the ceiling, to the floor, to the walls in between, giving you an absolutely breathtaking view of the city lights dozens of feet below you, of the stars millions of light years away. It’s as if you’re standing in a bubble, frozen in time, the world sparkling and twinkling and shimmering around you. You didn’t even know a place like this existed on Earth. The price to book it must be astronomical. The view, even more so.

“Holy fuck,” you murmur, mouth dropping open at the sight. It’s a movie come to life. It’s a picture straight out of a fairytale.

“Pretty sweet, right?” Chaewon says, clearly proud of herself for convincing you to join her. “The Parks and the Ohs really felt like celebrating.”

“No shit,” you say, dumbfounded. Chaewon wraps her arm around yours and leads you out of the elevator, her poise and grace akin to that of a princess. She’s been to this place before. She could do this in her sleep.

“Pictures first, then we eat, and then we mingle,” Chaewon instructs, and you nod diligently. She’s the only way you’re going to make it out of this night unscathed. Without her, you don’t know what you’d do.

On the average day of an average life of an average person, pictures means getting a stranger to take a single pic on your shitty iPhone at your worst angle, which you will begrudgingly post to your Instagram later after extensive editing.

But this is not your average day, and these are not average lives of not average people. Pictures means professional photographers with entire setups, standing with their cameras held up to their eyes, poised and ready for the next shot. It means couples, one by one, stepping in front of a gorgeous backdrop and posing, over and over, as five photographers at once cram to get their best angle, the cleanest photo.

You don’t know how to pose for photos. You barely remember what the proper formatting is for your essays, depending on the citation structure. And yet, Chaewon is ushering you over in front of the photographers, immediately striking one of her classic, perfect poses as you flail about, trying to figure out what to do with your hands.

“Just relax,” Chaewon advises. Even standing beside you, she can see you panicking in her periphery. “And smile. You’re beautiful, so show them that.”

Eventually, as the photographers switch positions to get different angles, you stop worrying about your hands, stop worrying about your bag, your feet, your head tilt, and just grin. You may not have millions of dollars to your name, but it’s a Friday night and you’re living the life of a billionaire with no responsibilities. You deserve to live a little.

When the next group comes up, Chaewon nudges you out of the way and whispers to one of the photographers, who nods dutifully in response. Wrapping her arm around yours once more, she guides you to the massive catering setup, tables and tables lined with delicacies from every country you could imagine. And of course, a gargantuan chocolate fountain in the middle of it all.

Your stomach rumbles. Clearly, the frozen yogurt was not enough to hold you off. Or maybe it’s just because you’ve been eating college dining hall food for weeks now, and are probably going to throw up if you have to have dry beef one more time.

“If you want to, you should try the caviar. It’s delicious. Avoid the eggplant, it tastes like foot, but the brussel sprouts are delicious. Kimchi’s good, too. Classic,” Chaewon instructs as you walk around the tables, placing servings the size of quarters onto your plate just so you can have a taste of everything. Chaewon sticks to some ribs, pan-seared salmon, and a vegetable so expensive you’ve never even heard of it before.

“Im Chaewon, is that you?”

“Mrs. Kim!”

A strange older woman comes up to the two of you as you’re dishing up, and Chaewon’s face immediately lights up. The woman goes in for a hug, a barely-touching pat of the shoulders and hands. Over her shoulder, you watch as Chaewon rolls her eyes and pulls a face.

“How are you, dear? You look so grown up,” Mrs. Kim says. You watch as the light slowly fades from Chaewon’s eyes with each second that passes.

“I’m very well, Mrs. Kim. Did you get your hair done? It makes you look so youthful.” Chaewon’s a master. She glares at you when Mrs. Kim isn’t looking, raising her eyebrows as if to say learn, young padawan. This is how it’s done. They go on for a couple minutes, showering fake compliments on each other as you slowly begin to eat. You scrunch your nose up. Chaewon’s right. The eggplant does taste like foot.

“And who is this?” Mrs. Kim asks, turning her focus onto you. You look up like a deer in headlights, a brussel sprout puffing your cheek. You were not meant to mingle and eat at the same time.

“This is one of my closest friends, Y/N,” Chaewon introduces for you. You nod your hello, chewing the brussel sprout in the most nondescript manner possible in an effort to save whatever is left of your dignity. “She’s pre-law.”

You are not pre-law.

“Oh, how wonderful! You must have a lot you want to accomplish in life,” Mrs. Kim says. God, you couldn’t care less about how Mrs. Kim feels about you.

“Yes, definitely,” you say awkwardly.

“We really must be going, Mrs. Kim. My parents will want me to make sure I do my rounds,” Chaewon says, a hand on your arm as she makes to get you both the fuck out of there.

“Of course, of course,” Mrs. Kim concedes, sending you and Chaewon one final goodbye before moving on to find her next victim.

When she leaves, Chaewon seems to let out the biggest exhale of her life. “Holy fucking shit, I thought she’d never leave,” she exclaims, grabbing a flute of champagne and downing it in a single go. “She’s an associate of my father’s, so she’s always trying to kiss my damn ass. Like, sorry that you need to brown-nose your boss and his daughter just so you bribe your idiot son’s way into college.”

“You like mingling, I take?” You joke.

“Just murder me.”

“Have any tips?”

“Flex as hard as possible without actually flexing. Try to speak to people your age because they are usually more bearable than people older than you. The best conversationalists are anybody under the age of ten,” Chaewon tells you. She picks up another glass of Prosecco. “Want some champagne?”

“You have it,” you tell her. “I think you need it more than I do.”

Chaewon shrugs. Not as if they’re running out any time soon. She gulps it down and places it on the tray of one of the caterers as they whiz by her.

The rest of the night passes by in the same way the beginning of it did. Chaewon drags you around the penthouse, talking with her father’s business partners and associates and their sons and daughters and husbands and wives for no more than two minutes each before moving on. She’s got her technique down pat. Greet, compliment, shade, flex, compliment, say goodbye. It’s foolproof, because you immediately notice that everyone else in the room has adopted the same approach.

Business gatherings like these are just one big game of who can be the most-liked and the least-liked at the same time. And the answer: everybody, all at once.

Halfway through the evening, Chaewon collapses against the back wall, totally unafraid of the possibility of the glass giving out behind her. She doesn’t care. If it breaks, it breaks.

“Tired?”

“I just need a break,” Chaewon declares. “Because everyone in here is so fucking fake, and you’re the only one I can talk to without wanting to rip out my eardrums.”

“I’m honored,” you say sarcastically.

“When I say you’re the only honest one here, I mean it,” Chaewon says. You lean back against the wall next to her, looking out into a sea of people in fancy clothes with fancy food and fancy friends. “Look at all these people, Y/N. All these fucking people, and you’re the only one who’s true.”

And then, you spot him.

He’s far away, standing in a group of people you don’t recognize, a hand on the small of another girl’s back. He’s wearing a navy blue suit, tight-fitting and tailored, a silver watch sparkling on his wrist as he adjusts his sleeves. One of the other young men in the group says something funny, and he tilts his head back to laugh, chuckling as the girl beside him curls into his arms.

You suppose it would have been ignorant of you to assume Jungkook was elsewhere on a night like this, at a gathering where everybody who knows anybody is here.

Jungkook must not know you’re here. He mustn't, otherwise he would have come over to find you. You must have entered at different times, spent the night wandering around different parts of the penthouse. Clinging onto Chaewon’s arms, you must have avoided his gaze, and he, yours.

Chaewon hasn’t spotted him either. Maybe it’s better this way. Maybe it’s better, if you’re the only one stuck with the knowledge that he’s here tonight. Chaewon would pity you. Other people would ask you how you knew such a worldly, experienced man like him. And you would spend the night wallowing in sadness, wondering why it’s never you that gets to spend the night next to him.

From this distance, you can see Jungkook perfectly. The light from the moon shines down on him like a goddamn spotlight, catching the sparkling on his wrist, leaving a silver gleam in his slicked back hair. You watch as he laughs, smiles, talks, grins and beams and socializes. Of course he’s here. Of course. He’s so good at this, so good at being real and genuine and happy.

Chaewon says the only person in the room who is true is you, but how can that be? How can that be when Jungkook, the most honest, wonderful, real person you know, is standing in front of you? You aren’t honest. You aren’t true and real and whole. You stand on the sidelines, a wallflower in a room of daisies and roses, and pine from afar. Watch as he pretends to date a girl that’s not you, wraps his arm around her waist and kisses her cheek, and you act like everything is alright.

It sucks, being trapped like this for fear of him seeing you. You know that would be worse—if he saw you standing alone and decided to take matters into his own hands. Seeing him up close in a penthouse like this, a movie set, shimmering and sparkling, it would be worse. Jungkook pulls the girl beside him in close to his side, smiling as he listens to someone else speak. She’s the perfect height in those heels, just tall enough to rest her head in the crook between his neck and his shoulder. You imagine them walking into the room together, hand in hand. Imagine them posing for the pictures like a real couple, a pair of celebrities.

You suppose you have no reason to be jealous of her, of him, of what they have. Jealousy is when resenting someone for having something that you once had. You never had a life like that with Jungkook. You’ll never have a life like that with him. Never get dressed up to go out, never get to be his date to an event. Never get pictures taken of you as a couple, never feed each other candies and strawberries dipped in chocolate. You can’t be jealous of her. You were never in the running to begin with.

“Ready to get back out there?” Chaewon asks, placing a firm hand on your shoulder.

A waiter comes by with a tray of champagne flutes, offering it to the both of you.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Chaewon tells you as she takes a glass for herself.

You sigh, casting another glance over at Jungkook. He and his date are moving around now, joining another social circle on the opposite side of the penthouse. He looks so at ease, so comfortable. He belongs there, in the middle of it all, talking and laughing and grinning. And you? You belong back at home, underneath your duvet covers playing a game of Mario Kart. Not here.

You shake your head. You could use a drink or two in this state. “I’d love one, actually. Thank you.”

That night, you stay at Chaewon’s place.

“You’ve been acting weird.”

“Hello to you, as well,” you say with a scowl as Chaewon sits down across from you at the local ramen place.

“Listen,” Chaewon begins, “I’ve been thinking. You need to confess to Jungkook.”

You nearly spit out the complimentary water you were served. “Excuse me?”

“You need to. You’ve been acting weird and that’s the only thing that’s going to fix it,” Chaewon declares.

“What do you mean I’ve been ‘acting weird’? Care to explain?” You ask, offended. You haven’t been acting weird. Well, that weird. Maybe a little weird.

“Jungkook told me you haven’t seen each other for the last eight days,” Chaewon points out. Eight days? It’s more like seven and a half. Not that you’ve been counting, or anything.

“So? We’re busy people,” you defend. It’s a good enough excuse. You’re sophomores in college. You have classes. Clubs. You have to meal prep.

“So? You guys are best friends. You make time to see each other at three in the fucking morning if you haven’t seen each other yet that day. And you haven’t seen each other for eight whole days? What’s wrong with you?” Chaewon demands.

“Nothing! What the heck, I invite you out to a best friend ramen date and you just blaspheme all over me like this?” You accuse. This is not how you imagined today to be going. This isn’t how you imagined this week to be going. “Besides, it’s only been seven and a half days. He’s over-exaggerating.”

“Seven and a—holy fuck, you are literally the worst. Can you just stop resisting? If you tell him, everything will be fine and go back to the way things were,” Chaewon says, blinking, flabbergasted.

“No, they will not,” you hiss. “Everything will change if I tell him. We’re best friends, Chae. Imagine if I told you that I loved you. What would you do?”

“I’d love you back, that’s what!” Chaewon tells you. “You deserve to be loved back, Y/N. Nothing would change between us. I already love you. You’re one of my most favorite people ever. I would never regret something if it was with you.”

“It’s different with him, though,” you try to explain. You don’t know why—you just know that it is. The way you’re friends with Chaewon and the way you’re friends with Jungkook are entirely separate. You love Chaewon. You’re not in love with Chaewon.

“Is it? How?” Chaewon says.

“I don’t know, I just—it’s different with him.” There’s no way to describe it. Jungkook appeared in your life and it was as if everything just clicked into place. There isn’t a single thing in your life that makes more sense to you than Jungkook. “It’s always been different with him. With you, I—I knew that we would become really close friends once we started talking a lot more in the beginning of freshman year. But with him—I don’t know. From the moment I met him, I knew that I would fall in love with him. When he said hello to me, I was fucked. There’s never been any hope for me, Chae. I just have to live like this forever.”

Chaewon rolls her eyes. “No, you don’t. You don’t even see what the fuck is right in front of you.”

“You?”

“God, I’m friends with idiots. Literal idiots. How you guys have made it through nearly a year and a half of college is beyond me,” Chaewon says to nobody in particular. “Seriously, tell me, Y/N. What do you think will happen if you tell him? Just out of curiosity.”

“I don’t know—” you pause. A lot of things. He tells you he just wants to stay friends. He rejects you because he’s not interested that way and you can’t really be friends anymore because it’s weird now. He’s already interested in somebody else. He’s already dating somebody else and you never even knew. He’s not looking for a relationship right now. Things get awkward because you confessed to your best friend that you’re in love with him and he doesn’t feel the same. You end up never speaking to each other. You never see each other. You go through the rest of university seeing each other on the Green by chance and not knowing what to do. You graduate and move on with your lives. And suddenly, he’s just a past friend you used to have. No longer a part of your life. No longer given the chance to. “He rejects me. We never speak again and have to avoid each other at all costs. He lets me down easy and I feel like a total loser for having confessed in the first place. There’s a lot.”

“Jesus, Y/N. Aren’t you forgetting a possibility?” Chaewon says, eyebrows raised high.

“I’m omitting a lot of them,” you tell her. Including the one where, in the next three years, you end up in a hellish dystopian wasteland and you have to band together to survive but it’s awkward and terrible because you love him still and he doesn’t feel the same, never has and never will, and now you have to fight off zombies and a corrupt autocratic government all while dealing with your own goddamn feelings. That may be the most unbearable one of them all.

“How about the one where he actually feels the same?”

“Too unrealistic,” you tell Chaewon. It’s the truth. Why else would Jungkook be traipsing around with beautiful, rich, worldly girls on his nights off? He does it for the money, sure, but he likes it. He loves the experience, loves living that sort of life. You’d never be able to provide that for him. “You know that’s never going to happen, Chae. We’re just friends.”

“Bullshit.”

“Well, he thinks that we’re just friends. And I’m not gonna fuck everything up by telling him that I’ve been madly in love with him for the past year and a half.” You can think of nothing worse.

“Have you ever considered the fact that maybe he thinks that the two of you are just friends because you refuse to actually show him how you feel?” Chaewon asks pointedly, eyebrows raised in disapproval. She looks about ready to walk out of the restaurant. “You never do things to give him a reason to think otherwise.”

“Why would I?”

When your ramen arrives, Chaewon takes a deep breath, downs the rest of her glass of water, and moves on. It’s clear that if she thinks about this any more, her head will explode.

Nothing’s ever going to change between you and Jungkook. You knew, when you first met him, that it was always going to hurt like this. That loving him was something you had to sacrifice to stay close to him. He lights up every fucking room he walks into, and it’s all you can do not to sit there and bask in his warmth. You would rather catch a single one of his rays than be in the darkness. And if being friends with him means that friends is all you’ll ever be, then so be it. You’re lucky to have him like this. Why take the plunge?

“Just—” Chaewon says as you begin to pull apart the noodles in your own bowl. “I know that you aren’t as happy as you could be right now. And you deserve to be happy, Y/N. You deprive yourself of all of these wonderful things, and I just want you to know that you deserve every single one of them. But telling him? That’s something that even I know would make you the happiest. You shouldn’t live like this, Y/N. You have no idea what you’re missing out on if you do.”

The streak of not seeing Jungkook ends the next day, when you come back from an evening grocery store run to find him standing outside your door, hand about to knock on the wood. He’s all dressed up again, button-down and slacks, hair styled and parted, and you watch as he takes a deep breath, almost as if he’s waiting for the best time to knock.

“Jungkook?”

He practically jumps out of his skin at the sound of your voice, nearly tripping over his own feet as he lays his eyes on you.

“Oh, Y/N!” He exclaims. “I was just about to see if you were home.”

“You could have just texted, you know,” you say jokingly, joining him at the front door as you fumble for your keys.

“I wanted to surprise you,” Jungkook admits sheepishly.

“Well, make it up to me by helping me unpack these,” you demand, kicking the door open as you reach down to grab your reusable canvas bags filled with groceries. Immediately, Jungkook is leaning down to grab all of them for you, hauling them inside like they weigh nothing. You stare as he heads over to your kitchen without breaking a sweat, biceps clenching as he lifts the groceries up onto the counter.

“What’d you get?” Jungkook asks, slowly beginning to take out the groceries. He’s in your apartment so often that he’s memorized where all of your food goes, from the correct shelf in the fridge for produce to the proper cabinet for cereal.

“Just like… groceries. I saw a box of peppermint chocolate bars that I thought you might like, they’re in there somewhere,” you say mindlessly, pointing to a random canvas bag. Immediately, Jungkook abandons his putting-away-groceries duty to fish through each of the bags, hunting for the box of goodies. “And I got some cheap Trader Joe’s wine. You know. Just for emergencies.”

“Trader Joe’s wine and peppermint chocolate bars,” Jungkook comments, nodding in approval. He finally finds the box and tears it open sideways. “Sounds like a perfect dessert if I’ve ever heard one.”

“What, did you eat already?” You ask, busting out the wine and a couple of mugs, because you don’t own any wine glasses. Nothing says cultured like drinking seven-dollar wine out of mugs with kitschy sayings like “don’t talk to me until this is empty” or “coffee is my first love” written on them.

Jungkook shrugs. He grabs the box and heads over to your couch, already kicking back and relaxing. “Yeah, I went to some restaurant for another double date,” Jungkook says. “It was one of those places where everything is so expensive but the portions are the size of my fist. Of your fist.”

“You sound hungry,” you note, filling up the mugs and joining him. “And mad.”

“I’m getting reimbursed for the money I spent tonight, so I suppose I could be angrier. But I’m starving. Let’s finish this entire box of chocolates and do nothing else.”

“Your words, not mine,” you say, although his proposal sounds more than appealing to you.

You turn the television on for some background noise, switching to a channel showing old reruns of unsolved serial killer cases, because nothing sets the mood better than the words “then, slowly, he took the knife with which he killed her and began to slice away at her body”. Jungkook doesn’t seem to pay the television any attention, though, instead focused entirely on the chocolate in front of him, calling his name.

He takes an enormous bite out of one before moaning far too sexually for your liking, tossing his head back in bliss. “Oh my God.”

“Good?”

Jungkook moans again in response.

“Please don’t orgasm on this couch. Who knows what other bodily fluids were on here before we bought it,” you ask calmly.

“I’d say that’s nasty, but you guys did cover this with one of those couch covers, so it’s not like my body is coming into contact with other people’s body stains,” Jungkook reasons. The couch cover is the single best purchase you’ve made this entire year. Possibly your entire life. “But they’re delicious. You made a good purchase.”

“I thought you would like them,” you say. “You’re the only person I know who actually likes the combination of mint and chocolate.”

“People who say that it tastes like toothpaste are brushing their teeth with the wrong kind of toothpaste,” he tells you pointedly. “I don’t understand. This is God’s combination. It’s perfect.”

“As long as you love it, that’s all that matters,” you tell him with a pat on his back, breaking off a square of the chocolate bar for yourself. It is pretty good, even if mint chocolate ice cream does sometimes taste like toothpaste. But you’d never tell Jungkook that, of course.

Jungkook takes a swig of the wine, picking up the mug and gulping down about half of it, the wine bitter on his tongue. “Goes great with this wine, too,” he jokes. You take a sip yourself. It’s… not very good. Actually, rather sticky. No wonder it was only seven dollars.

“You don’t have to lie to me, I know it tastes like ass,” you tell him honestly. To be fair, you and Jungkook have both had worse. Compared to the shit served at frat parties, this may as well be beautifully-aged Malbec.

“It only tastes a little bit like ass,” Jungkook compromises. “But it doesn’t not taste like ass.”

“Let’s finish it now so we don’t have to have any more of it later,” you decide. “You’ve probably had some of the best alcohol in your life this semester.”

Jungkook thinks back, tilting his head to the side as he begins to recall all of the instances in the past few months when he’s had anything to drink. “Soju’s still my favorite. But yeah, I’d say I’ve had wine that probably costs more than my textbooks for this semester if I hadn’t pirated them all.”

“The beauty of being a CS student,” you muse.

“You know it,” he says, holding his half-empty mug out as a toast to himself. “But seriously, even if this Trader Joe’s wine literally tasted like garbage, it would still be better than all of that other shit.”

You turn to him, skeptical. Even the single night you spent with Chaewon, in a penthouse amongst the stars, drinking champagne and eating strawberries dipped in chocolate, was more than you could ever dream of. You woke up the next day on an air mattress in her bedroom and wanted nothing more than to go back to basking in the luxury, desperate for another taste. It was addicting. How could Jungkook ever prefer what he has right now to what he had last night?

“Really? Don’t say that just to make me feel better,” you tell him. You can take it. Jungkook has every reason to prefer the fancy meals, the penthouses, the suits and ties to your janky little apartment and old clothes from high school. The two aren’t at all on the same level. They’re not even in the same goddamn game. If you could drop everything to have what Chaewon has, what the other girls and boys who pay for Jungkook’s company have, you would.

“I’m not,” Jungkook tells you seriously. “I mean it. I would rather sit in your room, hunched over your tiny Switch because you lost the HDMI cord to plug it into the television, playing Mario Kart than out there, pretending to be someone I’m not.”

“But it was fun in the beginning, wasn’t it? Getting to be rich without the moral ambiguity that comes along with being part of the upper class?” You ask. It must have been. Jungkook looked so happy when he first started doing these gigs, coming back to your apartment in a state of bliss, a little tipsy from the expensive champagne and steak. He’d knock on your door and tell you all about the night, from how older businessmen handed him their cards and offered him jobs, to the hundreds of ice cream flavors you could only ever dream of eating. Everything seemed so wonderful to him.

Jungkook shrugs, pouring himself more wine. “Yeah, I guess, but it gets so old after a while. Like, no wonder Chaewon was so desperate for me to go with her that first time. It sucks the damn life out of you. You walk around and mingle and pretend that you’re the greatest person on Earth, talking about yourself and kissing up to the other people for an entire night. Honestly, sometimes it’s worse than my CS homework. And I hate that shit.”

“Chaewon mentioned that the eggplant usually tastes like foot,” you add. Jungkook nods in agreement.

“Yeah, it does. She warned me about it the first night and I, like a fool, tried it because I usually like eggplant. And it still tasted like foot. Never again,” Jungkook says, shivering at the mere thought of it. It’s funny, actually, because you did the exact same thing. “But the food is like, the one thing I pretty much don’t have the right to complain about. It’s delicious and usually free.”

“But I hope that you’re having fun,” you tell him honestly, because you do. When you’re sitting in your room, eating two different pints of Ben & Jerry’s, you hope that Jungkook, wherever he is, whatever he’s doing, is enjoying himself more than you are. Because he deserves it. You never want there to be a time when he’s sad, when he’s unhappy or bored. Jungkook deserves to live the happiest version of life he possibly can. “I want you to enjoy yourself.”

“I do,” Jungkook says. There’s a second half to that sentence. “I do—it’s just that… It's so fake, you know? I feel like such a goddamn actor when I’m there. I get to live this extravagant lifestyle for a few hours but in return I don’t even know who I’m looking at when I look in the mirror.”

Oh?

“Like, I pretend to be this business student, when I’m not. I pretend to have millions of dollars to my name, when I don’t. I hold hands and pose for pictures with people Chaewon is vaguely familiar with and nothing, literally nothing, feels real. I don’t know.” Jungkook takes another swig from the mug. “Even the relationships I have when I’m there are fake.”

“Do you hate it that much, then?” You ask him. If it’s so awful and terrible, then why does he keep doing it? Keep dressing up and going out, holding hands with and wrapping his arm around them?

“No,” Jungkook says, sighing as he leans back into the couch. “I don’t hate it. I just—I wish I had something real afterwards to come back home to.”

Real? Like what? Like you? You aren’t real. You sit next to your best friend and pretend that everything is fine. That nothing hurts. You’ve had the biggest crush on him ever since you laid eyes on him, and you’re doing everything in your power to make sure that he’s the only one that doesn’t know.

“That’s why I’m always coming back to your apartment afterwards,” Jungkook says. He chuckles, but it isn’t his usual laugh. It sounds forced, contrived and fake. Jaded. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it almost immediately. Then, he breathes, long and slow. Thinks. The silence is almost unbearable. Waiting to hear what he has to say, even more so. “You’re the most genuine person I know. What we share—it’s real.”

Tonight is the least lonely you’ve felt in a long time.

Even though Jungkook has something tonight, you aren’t aching to be by his side, desperate to spend more time with him. He told you that he was really looking forward to this one, that it wasn’t going to be some stuffy gala or blind double date. He said something about going to karaoke with the girl and her friends, singing Britney Spears songs and taking shots of soju for hours on end, screaming his voice hoarse. And even if you aren’t there with him, you’re happy because you know that he’s happy, that he’s genuinely enjoying himself.

So, you aren’t that lonely.

Content with the state of your life as it is, you take the night off, ready to prepare yourself for a weekend that will almost certainly consist entirely of just work. Chaewon’s voice echoes in your mind (“I know that you aren’t as happy as you could be right now,” she had told you), but it’s different now. Because you are happy. You are happy, because Jungkook’s happy. The two of you see each other just as frequently as you used to. He texts you about his terrible CS homework and the Shiba Inu he just saw being walked across campus. It’s all gone back to the way it used to be. That’s what you had wanted.

You were prepared for this. You knew that it would eventually boil down to this, down to whether or not you could take Jungkook not knowing how you feel any longer. But right now, you don’t care. Jungkook not knowing has always been a part of your friendship. The love you hold for him, in the spaces between your bones and deep in the cracks of your heart, that has always been there. You see it, hear it, feel it, whenever you’re with him. Even when you’re not with him, it will remind you, appear in the silence, the emptiness. It will always make itself known, because it’s become a part of you. From the moment you met him, it had settled into your heart.

Staring out of the window by your living room, overlooking the ugliest parking garage on campus, you sigh. You can’t see the stars from here, not even in the dead of night, but that’s alright. There is something so peaceful about the navy blue sky. About how mysterious and unknown it is. It calms you. You put on a movie that you’ve genuinely been wanting to watch for a while, sit down in your bed, amongst your duvet and sheets, pillows and plushies, and enjoy yourself, for once. It’s a good night.

And then, much like most aspects of your terribly convoluted, over-complicated and confusing life, it all comes crashing down.

There’s a faint thud from outside, a soft little non-noise that you assume is coming from the street. Not wanting to interrupt your movie—she’s just about to confess, holy shit—you ignore it. It’ll go away eventually.

Then another thud. You pause, leaning towards your window to see if you can figure out the source. Silence. You’re just about to press play, when you hear it again. And again. It gets louder and louder, making up in volume what it lacks in rhythm and order, until you realize it’s someone knocking on your door. And not just knocking casually. It’s as if someone is shoving their whole body into it, shoulders and chest and feet hitting the wood as they bang on it.

“Y/N?”

Oh, God.

Pushing off your duvet, you tug on your slippers and wipe away the crust around your eyes as you rush towards the door. You know who’s on the other side. You’re not sure if answering it is the better or worse option.

You’ve always had an uncanny ability to pick the latter.

When you open the door, Jungkook, in a fancy sweater pulled over a white button down and black jeans that could almost pass for dressy slacks, is standing on the other side.

Correction: he’s sort of standing on the other side. He nearly topples over when you pull open the door, having clearly been leaning on it, and you barely have time to reach your arms out to catch him.

“Oh! Y/N!” Jungkook exclaims, as if he’s surprised to see you inside your own apartment. “I was hoping to see you.”

“I figured,” you tell him, laughing. You guide him inside, and even in his state he remembers to tug off his clean white sneakers, kicking them towards the shoe rack. “It’s so late, Jungkook, you should go home.”

“No,” Jungkook whines. “I wanted to see you. I missed you.”

“We saw each other this morning, Jungkook. And this afternoon, right before you went out,” you remind him. The words go in one ear and out the other, and he pulls you in close to him, wrapping his arms around you as he presses his body against yours in a sweaty hug. His grip is tight around you as he rests his head on your shoulder, breathing you in as if you’d been gone for years. Slowly, after a few seconds, you pull away from him, a hand on his shoulder to get him to look at you through his too-long bangs, hanging over his eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong? I’m right here, don’t worry. I never left.”

“I had a lot to drink tonight,” Jungkook tells you, blinking rapidly. “Like, a lot. They just kept ordering soju and I just kept drinking it. It was really good. Have you had strawberry soju? It’s delicious.”

“I might have had it once or twice,” you fib, not able to recall having it one way or another. “Come on, sit down,” you point him towards the couch, but he refuses, clinging onto you even as you make your way towards the kitchen. “Jungkook, please, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“But I missed you,” Jungkook repeats. “I missed you a lot. I thought about you the entire time I was there.”

You can’t say you didn’t do the same.

“Next time we’ll do something together then, hey? Something really fun, like going to an arcade or bowling,” you promise him with a pat on his shoulder. “But you need to drink some water, JK. Can you please sit down?”

“No, I want to be with you,” Jungkook says like it’s nothing. Like the feeling of him wrapped around you like this, holding onto you and telling you that he misses you, that he thinks about you, doesn’t mean anything. You don’t think your heart has beaten since you opened the door to see him standing on the other side.

(You don’t think it’s beaten since you met him. Since he came up to you on the pavement, asking you for directions. Since you told him your name, and he told you his.)

“Ah, fine, just be careful, I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” you concede, because it’s so easy to let him have his way, so easy to say yes to him. You manage to grab an empty water bottle and fill it up with what’s left in your Brita, too lazy to refill it after it’s left bone dry. Slowly, you make your way to your bedroom, out of view of the central living space, where your roommates could burst through the door at any moment and see you taking care of your drunk best friend on the sofa.

Slowly, you settle on your bed, sitting off of the edge of it as you cajole him into drinking some water, whispering soft nothings to make sure he finishes the whole thing.

“Does your head hurt or anything?” You ask him, already looking around for the stash of Advil you usually keep on your nightstand.

“No, no, I’m fine, Y/N, seriously,” he promises, even if you can see the glazed-over look in his eyes, the way his sweaty bangs stick to his forehead. “You’re too nice, you know? Always treating me when I show up at your place. Even when you don’t invite me.”

“You know I never mind seeing you,” you tell him. “You can come over whenever you want. I’m always here.”

“No, you’re not,” Jungkook says with a pout, and it makes you furrow your brows. When have you not been? Jungkook’s been going out to events ever since the beginning of the semester, and without fail, you’ve always been waiting for him at home, knowing he’ll turn up one way or another. Except, there was— “That one time a couple of weeks ago, I went to this crazy big gala with Eunha, there were so many people there, and I came back home afterwards and knocked on your door, and your roommates said they hadn’t seen you all day. Where were you that day?”

He had come? You didn’t know if he would.

(Or maybe, you did. You knew he would show up at your door once he got back from that night, and selfishly, not wanting to see him after the fact, the leftover version of him, the part he leaves behind when he goes out. You knew he would be there and you couldn’t bear the thought of being the second girl he spends the night with. The other option. Maybe, you’ve known all along that you’ll never quite stack up to the girls he goes out with, and that sometimes, when you see him all dressed up while you’re in your hoodie and sweats, it reminds you is nothing more than a casual friendship.)

“I must have been out late with Chaewon that day, I’m sorry,” you apologize, letting him rest his head on your shoulder. “I didn’t know you would come.”

“I always come after my events. You know that.”

“I didn’t know if you’d remember to,” you correct.

“I’d never forget about you,” Jungkook says, the alcohol erasing his filter. Making him honest. “I really missed you, that day. I had been waiting the entire night to see you.”

“I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again,” you promise, and this one is for real.

“You know, today?” Jungkook says, pulling his head back so he can get a good look at you, your eyes meeting his own. “Today, I was so sad on my way here. It was so terrible, because I was drunk and sad and I missed you.”

“You were sad? What happened?” You ask, leaning in. Jungkook? Sad? Who would do such a thing to him? Who would erase the smile on his face, his crescent eyes, and replace them with tears?

“This girl and I, she was a lot of fun. We sang a couple duets together and we were pretty good,” he hiccups, “kept winning. It was fun. She and I talked for a long time. I definitely liked her the most out of all of the girls I’ve gone out with. Besides Chaewon, of course.”

“What happened? Did she do something you didn’t want? You know you can tell me, Jungkook,” you ask, a hand on his arm.

“No.” Jungkook shakes his head. “I don’t know. She was fun and I was drunk. We were on our way back in the Lyft when she leaned over and kissed me. And I kissed her back, and it was kind of nice. I haven’t really kissed someone like that in a while,” Jungkook tells you. And even though you’re hearing these words from him, hearing how he had all of this fun with a girl who isn’t you, how he kissed her in the backseat of a car, you rally, blinking away the tears you can feel forming in your eyes. It’s none of your business, you tell yourself. You and Jungkook aren’t together. You don’t get to feel bad about him kissing someone else.

“Did you like it?” You ask, each word a pin in your chest.

“It was pretty nice,” Jungkook admits. “We, uh, we made out a bit in the back of the car until we got to her place. And then we got out of the car and she asked me if I wanted to go back with her, to her room. And—and I almost said yes.” Jungkook looks about ready to combust. At his side, his fists are clenched so hard you’re worried he’ll pop a vein.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” you tell him, looking him in the eyes so he knows that you don’t mind, that he can tell you these things without worry. Jungkook may be the love of your life, but he’s your best friend, first. He’s always been, before anything else, your best friend.

“But there is!” Jungkook cries, standing up in anguish. “There is, Y/N, you don’t understand! I almost had sex with her!”

“You’re allowed to, Jungkook!” You assure him, standing up to reach out to him.

“No, Y/N, you don’t get it,” he tells you coldly, pulling his hand away. “Why aren’t you mad? Aren’t you angry that I nearly had sex with her?”

“No, what the fuck, Jungkook, why would I be mad?” You shout back at him. “You can do whatever you want with your body, it’s not my job to police it! I’m your friend, not your mom!”

“But don’t you want to be more, Y/N?” He rounds on you. “Don’t you want to be the one kissing me, fucking me? Why aren’t you jealous?”

“Were you trying to make me jealous, Jungkook? Is that what you were trying to do? You wanted to get a reaction out of me because my best friend nearly fucked someone else and then didn’t? What the fuck, Jungkook? What do you want from me?”

“I just want you to tell me you fucking love me back!”

“Jungkook, what—”

Jungkook, eyes dark and furious, pushes you against your closet door as your lips part, feeling the breath get knocked out of your lungs. He’s so close. He’s right there, you can see him, watch as he looms over you, hands clenched in your hoodie as he presses you against the wall. And then, wordlessly, he’s leaning down, crashing your mouths together.

Suddenly, your heart starts. You gasp into the kiss, the feeling of his mouth on top of yours. It’s fervent, hot and angry and passionate, his body against your own as your hands reach out to press against his head. You seize up at the feeling, almost as if in shock, before melting into his touch, leaning into him, desperate. You can feel his breath mixing in with your own, feel the way his chapped lips meet your overly-moisturized ones, feel how his hands drift from where they’re bunched up in the front of your hoodie to your waist, your hips, your thighs. Jungkook kisses ruthlessly, kisses like he’s trying to prove a point. Holds onto you like he’s afraid to let go.

When you part, gasping for air, Jungkook runs a hand through his hair, blinking.

“Jungkook, you’re drunk—” you tell him firmly, refusing to let get your hopes up if what you have in front of you is really just an intoxicated best friend. Your heart is beating miles a minute, about ready to thump right out of you, chest heaving and mouth agape.

“That doesn’t matter,” Jungkook argues back. “Even when I’m sober I love you. Don’t tell me I’m confused because I’m drunk.”

“You show up at my place at one in the morning, tell me about how you made out with some other girl and almost slept with her just to get me angry, kiss me, and tell me not to tell you you’re confused?” You demand. “Jungkook, I’ve never been more confused in my life than right now, can you please just—”

“I love you, Y/N,” Jungkook says, and even though he’s angry, red in the face and sweaty, when he says it, it’s soft. It’s a whisper, a murmur. He says it not to convince you, but so you know. “I’ve been in love with you for so goddamn long, ever since I fucking met you. And I thought you might like me back but you never did anything about it, and so neither did I.”

“You need to go home, Jungkook,” you tell him, hiccuping. When you blink, you feel the warm tears streaming down your face. You hadn’t even noticed them. “You can’t just come into my apartment and tell me shit like that. How do you think it makes me feel?”

“Do you feel the same, Y/N?” Jungkook asks, looking you in the eyes. He’s angry, that’s for sure, but even underneath, you can see the desperation, see how he’s just waiting for an answer.

“Go home, Jungkook. Please. Let’s talk about this when you aren’t drunk, okay? I’m confused and I need to clear my head,” you plead, pushing him towards the door. “Please, okay? Be safe, too. I’ll call Chaewon to give you a ride,” you tell him, grabbing your phone.

Jungkook puts a hand on your wrist. “I’ll be okay, Y/N. I just… Please, tell me. Did that kiss mean anything to you?”

“Yes, it did, but Jungkook, I can’t—”

“It meant something to me, too,” he tells you firmly, lets the words sink into the air around you. He heads for the door, pulling on his shoes. He looks so sad. “Good night, Y/N.”

You place a hand on the doorknob. “Good night, Jungkook.”

It’s barely nine in the morning the next day when a knock wakes you up. It’s soft at first, one every couple of seconds, before it gets progressively louder. Slowly, you get out of bed, trying to tame your hair as you rub the sleep from your eyes.

“Y/N’s in her room. Is that for her? That’s so cute. Yeah, she’s probably awake. You can just knock.” It’s your roommate.

You scramble to make your bed, pouring some water from the water bottle by your nightstand into your hand and splashing your face, wiping it away with an old t-shirt as you run towards the door, pulling it open just in time.

On the other side is a much more tired, much less drunk Jungkook, one hand raised and about to knock, the other holding a bouquet of daisies.

“Hey,” he says shyly, mouth breaking into a smile the moment he sees you.

“Hey,” you say back. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, head hurts like hell, though,” Jungkook says. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, yeah, s-sure, of course,” you say, stepping aside to let him into your bedroom.

“These are for you.” Jungkook holds out the bouquet towards you, wrapped up neatly in cellophane and tied at the stems with a bow. “So you don’t have to keep Febreze-ing your room all of the time.”

“They’re beautiful, Jungkook,” you tell him, grinning as you take them from his hands. Today feels different from yesterday. It feels lighter, fresher. New. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“I—” He pauses, taking a second to think, “I meant what I said, yesterday. Maybe not all of it, but. Most of it, yeah. I meant it.”

“Why did you try to make me jealous, Jungkook?” You ask him. “Why did you think that would work?”

“I don’t know,” Jungkook admits. “I shouldn’t have, and I fucked up. I just got so… so tired of waiting to see if you’d ever come around. I just wanted you to tell me. And then I guess I got so fed up that I told you instead.”

You place the bouquet on your dresser before walking towards him, reaching a hand out. “Yeah, that was a pretty big asshole move of you,” you chide, grinning to yourself.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He sighs.

“But I’m happy you’re here,” you tell him. “And happy that you meant what you said. Maybe it could have been said in a less angry way, but hearing it made me happy.”

“I’m happy that you’re happy.” Jungkook grins. “You’re my favorite person, Y/N.”

“When you asked me, yesterday, if that kiss meant anything to me? And I said it did?” You begin, Jungkook nodding in front of you. He’s positively beaming. “It still does. I want to do that every day, Jungkook. Every hour. Every single second for the rest of my goddamn life.”

“You do?” Jungkook asks.

“I love you, Jeon Jungkook. From day one, it’s always been you.” You smile, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. Feels like you’re fucking flying. Like you’re weightless.

“I love you, too, Y/N. I never want to be away from your side,” he declares, and like a cheesy, rom-com movie, like the shitty novels you used to read in eighth grade, he pulls you in close and presses a kiss against your lips. Wraps his arms around your waist as he holds you tight, kisses you in the middle of your bedroom, in your hoodie and sweatpants, a bouquet of daisies on your dresser. He kisses you because he can, because for every second of every day for the rest of your goddamn life, he can kiss you, over and over and over.

“We owe Chaewon an apology,” you tell him when you’re parted, sitting on your bed, wrapped up in each other’s arms.

“Hell yeah we do,” Jungkook agrees. “She’s been on my ass for ages about telling you.”

“Mine too.”

“She’s such a great best friend,” Jungkook comments. “Knew all this time that her two friends were madly in love with each other and didn’t say a damn word to either of us. That’s loyalty.”

“We should do something for her, to make up for it all,” you suggest.

“You know,” Jungkook says, grinning, “I know this guy who made bank this semester by going on fake dates with a bunch of really rich girls. Maybe he could help.”

“I know him, too,” you joke. “He’s the love of my fucking life.”

Jeon Jungkook quits his job on the ninety-eighth day of the fall semester of his sophomore year.

You know this because on the ninety-eighth day of the fall semester of your sophomore year, he comes banging on the door of your apartment shared with three other girls at 7:18PM, eighteen minutes after he normally heads out on one of his many dates.

“Y/N!” He shouts, banging wildly on your door. You rush over to open it, letting the pasta water on the stove boil over and sizzle on the heat. He’s barely gotten in a second knock when you turn the doorknob to reveal your smiling boyfriend in his oversized hoodie.

“Don’t tell me you’re blowing someone off for me,” you say, inviting him inside. He places a kiss on your cheek on the way in, taking off his shoes and coat as you rush over to take care of the pasta.

“Me? Blowing someone off? Never,” Jungkook says, mock offended. “I actually quit the dating thing, this afternoon. A girl asked if I was free and I said that I wasn’t, because I have to go home to my girlfriend making me a meal. Don’t you love the sound of that?” He asks, pleased with himself.

“You quit? I thought you liked doing that stuff,” you say, using the spaghetti fork to move around the linguine. “Hope you’re cool with boring old pasta for your meal tonight. You could have had caviar if you hadn’t quit.”

“I don’t care, it smells so good,” Jungkook tells you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he stands behind you, watching you cook from over your shoulder. “Look at you, being all domestic and shit. It’s very cute.”

“Stop rubbing in the fact that you’re the better cook, I get it. Pasta is all I got right now.” You pout, turning down the heat as you move to pour yourselves two cups of tea. Jungkook follows you the entire way to the kettle, grip on your waist never faltering. “You can keep going on those dates, you know. I don’t mind. I get to see you in a suit when you get back, and then I get to take it off of you. It’s a win-win.”

Jungkook pinches your waist in response. “If you have a thing for suits, you can just tell me, you know. I won’t be mad.”

You turn around to whack him with the spaghetti fork. “I do not!”

“Alright, Y/N, guess I won’t wear a suit next time you call me at two in the morning—”

“I never said you couldn’t,” you interrupt, making Jungkook laugh.

“You’re so cute, Y/N,” Jungkook coos as you begin to dish up the pasta, making sure to add peas because Jungkook loves peas with his spaghetti. “But I quit because I have enough money to sustain me for the rest of the semester. I’ll work over break and get a new job next semester when the new work-study positions open. Don’t worry about me,” he assures you.

“But didn’t you like going out and everything? Getting dressed up and drinking fancy champagne?” You ask, setting the plates down at your dinky kitchen table, a single scented candle lit in the center.

Jungkook thinks about it for a split second, and then he shakes his head. “Nah. I like hanging out with my girlfriend more.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” you reason with a grin.

Jungkook laughs, leaning over the table to plop a kiss on your lips. “I love you, Y/N.”

“Yeah, you pea-eating loser,” you chide, “I love you too.”

↳ links are broken, but don’t forget to message me with any thoughts or feedback!

↳ check out the post-script drabble here!

#jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #bts fluff #bts angst #bts scenario #jungkook scenario #bts imagine #jungkook imagine #bts au #jungkook au #w: if i told you #god this fic.... i cant believe i wrote this.... how did i do it

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pedrosbrat · 3 years ago

Text

Sorrow You Are My Light {Pero Tovar x Max Phillips x F!Reader}

CHAPTER II : Land Of Broken Promises

AU - Vampire Hunters

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: Angst, Sad Memories, BLOOD, VAMPIRE FIGHT, Language, alcohol, yearning, violence (fight) , mention of murder, mention of children death, sword, church massacre, some feelings …

Summary: The three of you will go looking for Max’s creator, making unexpected encounters on your way, also discovering that you don’t hate vampires as much as you think...

Little Comment : Hi everyone, it’s my first series, I hope you will like it (if you see any mistakes let me know and I will correct it) & 1 chapter will be published every week, every Saturday⚔️reblog are appreciated ♥ Enjoy!

Chapter 1 - Series Masterlist

You've always known and understood that your life wasn't the way you wanted it to be, that it's a state of being that's pretty pathetic and that your whole life revolves around your grief. But collaborating with a vampire was never in your plans, and when you woke up this morning you really didn't think you'd end up talking to this Max Philips who seems quite comfortable with the both of you. That's when you knew you were really in a bad way… A vampire comfortable with vampire hunters…

Max for his part is not quite as comfortable as you think, but he doesn't show it still keeping that smug and amused look on his face, not showing that anything is getting to him. He tries to ignore the way you look at him with disgust in your eyes and a deep hatred in pero's eyes. He knows everyone hates vampires, but he thinks you seem to hate them in a rather personal way and wonders what has happened to the both of you to get to this point... Having no prospects, no attachments to anyone... A very lonely life, even spending it as a duo...

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

"We heard there was a massacre not far from here, Father," Max says with a more than innocent and sweet look on his face.

You turn to Pero and roll your eyes, tired of this little comedy he's been putting on for two days now. But Pero doesn't care, he's more worried about the rest of your little adventures, realising that he doesn't know his enemy as well as he thought he did, not understanding how a vampire can enter a church for example. "What do I know, Pero?" you answer him, more and more worried with each moment you spend with him too.

Not that you fear him... Or maybe a little, realizing with every step you take that, places that are supposed to protect you won't, and that every weapon that is supposed to hurt him has no effect on him... He must have a weakness...

So, two days ago, contrary to what you thought, Max had not taken you back to the forest where the massacre took place near your home and took you west, explaining that after attracting so much attention, members of his species never stay in one place. He explained to you that they have a method of travel that is not as random as you might think: When one superior vampire is spotted in the east, the other will head west, because when attention is suddenly focused on one place it can become too dangerous for all members of their species.

You have also discovered that what Max calls vermin, are vampires who were simply bitten and left for dead, that the ritual was not completed, bringing them back to life as mere vegetables that follow any order... Mere flesh to be slaughtered.

You've learned a lot in the last few days... Wondering if he was making it all up... Why was he telling you all their secrets? And how many of them are like him?

"Apparently there's been another massacre in the nearby town and..." "I always thought you called it a buffet." said Pero cutting Max off, flashing a smirk on his face, obviously very proud of his remark "... For there to be a buffet handsome, someone would have to eat." he replied simply as he got back on his horse starting to gallop, overriding the vampire joke, leaving you to follow closely behind him puzzled "He..." You hesitate to ask him too much, not wanting him to think at any point that you're even remotely close to trusting him "You can ask your question, I don't bite..." he said with a smirk, holding back from making his joke. Pero gave him a cold look, letting him know that he didn't find it funny at all, and Pero simply raised his arms in apology, "I was just wondering if... They don't eat them?" you say, disgusted with the image your mind has just created. "Oh no, not with the buffet he made himself less than two days ago..." he says, referring to the massacre in the forest.

He stopped talking for a moment, and you thought you saw a hint of sadness in his eyes for a brief moment, before he began to smile again, noticing that you were watching him "... No, this is all just a game to him, like a simple hunting party" "And don't you play occasionally MAX?" asked Pero as he turned to him, gradually moving deeper into the village "Not like this... But I can show you the other ways I entertain myself if you wish".

Pero frowned and turned his head. For a moment you thought you saw his cheeks turn red. Maybe I imagined... Like that night when we were both around the fire... That night when you told him that his scar didn't bother you, that it gave him a charm, on top of what he already had... But he wouldn't blush in front of this creature... So you put the thought out of your mind and just answer him as calmly as you can. Imagining for a few seconds the two men doing things that you could not name out loud, feeling a certain heat growing in your sex... God, what's happening to me? Pull yourself together!

"It's going to be dark soon, we'll go and inspect the place tomorrow" you say starting to head towards the nearest stable "No, we're going tonight" says Max as he pulls on your harness. You stop completely before dismounting your horse, "We don't hunt vampires at night. "And that's why you spend more time on it, or maybe it works with the little varmints you usually hunt, but with this one you're going to have to make an effort sweetie."

"Don't call her that," Pero says dryly. Max turns around quite surprised by this request, knowing that he doesn't react the same way, when he calls handsome.

You look at Pero who makes you understand that you have to try. You have no choice. So, when night falls and you have taken the time to tie your horses to a tree not far from the church in question, you follow your new travelling companion very closely, remaining more than ever on your guard, being convinced that you are walking into a trap. Nevertheless, you can't help noticing how broad he is, like Pero, and wonder what it would be like to be between these two men in bed...

You obviously don't notice that Pero has his eyes on the same places as you, thinking the same things as you, for a few seconds: what would it be like to spend a night with you in his arms as he has always wished and a man who doesn't repulse him as much as he thought he would... He wonders how he could have attached himself to Max so quickly, secretly starting to like him... He chases his thoughts away when your words bring him back to reality, avoiding a bulge that would have been more than embarrassing at this moment...

"He will feel us coming no matter what…" you say "Not necessarily... In the same way that you humans can't use all your senses correctly when you drink too much..." he says, leaving you to guess what he was about to say next. You don't know if you can believe what he is just told you, but as for the information about their survival, he hasn't lied to you so far... So why not...

The church that the village priest told you about the massacre is still soaked with blood. You feel your stomach lurch, never getting used to the loss of human life and bodies lying around you, starting to give off a putrid smell from the heat. Pero squeezes your shoulder lightly, knowing your aversion to this kind of sight, but you try not to flinch, gripping your sword tighter in your hands.

"We have to..." you start but Max rushes to put a hand over your mouth faster than you can anticipate. You find yourself pressed against his chest, being able to feel every part of his body against yours, his scent intoxicating your breathing space... He smells good, and his body is hard and pleasurable, you wonder what it would be like in another situation, but quickly push the thought from your mind AGAIN, thinking that you're probably just horny for the slightest contact you've wanted to have with Pero for years, and no men has ever satisfied you correctly...

He says nothing and stops in the direction of the open door near the altar, inhaling in that direction. Pero walks around the few benches still standing in his path, sword in hand, leaning against the wall where the door is, where Max is interested. But you notice that Max shakes his head with every step he takes, signalling him to back off. You wouldn't trust a vampire in any situation, but for this one, for Pero, you don't hesitate for a second.

You start to move towards him before Max can realize it, and try to silently reach Pero, telling yourself that if the vampire in the room next to him is there, maybe Max wasn't lying to you after all... But a woman suddenly appeared from the doorway, her face gorged with blood, black veins surrounding her eyes, turning her gaze directly towards Pero, who barely had time to raise his sword to hit her in the cheek, causing her cheek to smoke slightly from the contact of the silver on her skin, followed by a shrill cry and a black look of anger towards Tovar.

He didn't flinch and just tried to give her another blow with his blade, which this time he hoped would pierce her flesh, but she quickly avoided it, laughing, almost amused that you were trying to fight her. You glance behind you wondering where Max might be and see him struggling with another vampire who must have been watching you from behind. The two men are hitting each other with a strength you've never seen before, you've never seen two vampires fight before today... In a split second a second vampire comes up behind him, and you are about to warn him, feeling a sudden concern for him, but you don't need to, before you can see it, he comes up behind the vampire he's standing with facing the newcomer, rips off the head of his first opponent and grabs the new one by the throat to sink his fangs into it and rip out his throat before cracking his neck and dropping him to the ground. You watch him perform all these moves in a few seconds and find yourself slightly excited by this...

You shake your head slightly and come to your senses despite yourself, suddenly finding yourself thrown against one of the walls. A deep pain runs through your body, but you don't pay attention to it, you are used to this kind of feeling and you stand up to give a precise blow of your blade to your opponent, cutting his leg and then separating his head from the rest of his body.

You then grab one of your powder pouches and throw it in the face of the one who is still attacking Pero despite all the wounds he has inflicted on her to try and distract her for a short while. But it doesn't work, and only brings her attention to you. You then grab your sword and thrust it into her arm, driving it as deep as you can.

She doesn't scream, and smiles at you, preventing you from regaining possession of your sword, and grabs you by the throat, lifting you slightly off the ground with her fangs slowly coming out to rest against her lips, until something sinks into her chest and forces her to let go of you "Vete al infierno, hijo de puta" : Pero's sword. She looks at you for a short moment before her body turns completely grey and lies coldly on the ground before forming a pile of ash.

Pero leans towards you and checks your neck, pushing your hands away roughly, "I'm fine Pero... Pero..." Something grabs him by the throat in turn, but as always Pero reacts quickly, and grabs the dagger at your calf to slice the hand around it and turns to face his enemy, another vampire who he inflicts a dagger blow to the leg, knocking him completely off balance.

A hand suddenly appears at your side, you point your sword in that direction. But it's only Max, his hands completely bloody, blood still dripping from his lips, and strangely it doesn't repel you like it usually does, so you grab his hand without any hesitation. "Are you going to help Pero or watch?" you say, pointing in your friend's direction, "He's doing great, I think! We could just go and talk about the little looks you gave me instead of fighting" he says with a smile, pointing to the church exit. But you don't smile and put a more than serious look on your face, "I'm just kidding, sweetheart... I have to talk with our dear Ted anyway..." he says, dropping his jacket on one of the broken pews of the church.

Ted... Does he know him? Of course, he knows him...

He disappears before you can ask him the question and finds himself with his hands around the throat of this Ted, pushing his head down the stone stairs of the church, with remarkable ease " Where is he? " Says Max pulling out his fangs, " You'll never find him, he'll find you before my dear brother does, to kill you, when he'll be done with Tarja, and you'll join them... with your new friends ". he said, laughing. Max put a foot on his back and grabbed his hair and yanked his head away.

You glance at Pero, who doesn't really pay attention to you, staring at Max, who is also staring at him, waiting for an explanation for these last words, but he doesn't say anything and just goes around him and grabs his jacket to leave the church. "Pero..." "I don't think he's lying to us..." he simply said, cutting you off "... He's not lying to us Pero... You should have seen the rage in his eyes when he was fighting them... You know I hate them as much as you do, but apparently we're going to have to trust this one." you say, running your thumb over his cheek to get the blood off it. A hand gently grabs your wrist, and you turn to see Max looking at you with a neutral gaze "If you want to talk about me... Write. I can hear you from far away" he says licking your thumb as he stares into Pero's eyes, who says nothing and doesn't give him a disgusted look as he would like to do, that would be lying to himself and this strange attraction he has to this individual, so he just pass his gaze to you before turning back to the horses, leaving Max's gaze plunged into your finger sucking hold, making your clit swell in your trousers. And as if he could feel it, he smiles, letting go of your finger to head back to the horses, leaving you standing in front of the church confused at what just happened between the three of you.

On your departure Pero decided to burn this place, even though you insist on the discontent of the villagers, he persuaded you, making you admit that no one wants to see what is in this place, that no one should have to see such a massacre…

When you were about to leave, the church cross fell into the field around it, and you watched it burn, upside down, probably announcing nothing good for you...

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

"You could stop looking at everyone like that Pero..." you say sitting in front of your plate in the tavern. "You scare everyone...".

"I don't mind, and I'm not the one who scares them..." he says as he points max up and down with the tip of his fork, making you aware that you are completely covered in blood, probably explaining the extra food the tavern keeper gave you probably scared of you. "And I'm only smiling for you, you know that" he adds silently, letting a simple smile form on your lips, touched by every little attention he expresses, rare as they are, even knowing that you're just a sister to him... It makes you wish he'd say it in another context, one where you wouldn't be just friends.

Your gaze shifts to Max who looks at you tenderly and amused, shaking his head, thinking that you are both blind "Who was that Ted?" you say trying to change the mood at the table. He frowns and doesn't answer, turning his gaze to the people in the tavern who are staring at him. A man completely covered in blood, who hasn't touched a spoonful of his food, accompanied by strangers. With the stories of demons coming to damn the land of your country since you were a child, it doesn't seem suspicious at all.

He then grabs his spoon and takes a portion of soup, without making a single expression. You widen your eyes in surprise at what you've just seen, and Pero frowns in confusion, realising once again that he doesn't know as much about their species as he thought he did, realising that anyone who can blend in could be one of them...“It taste like ashes to me…” say Max quietly, trying to remember what a soup taste like.

"She asked a question," he said, pointing his fork at him. Max smiled at him “It was my brother handsome, and I want you to talk nice to me. I can… feel, that you love to give orders, but I take them only in bed.” Pero didn’t say anything and just frown, faking to not understand what the man was proposing right now and putting some food in his mouth, hiding his desire like he always do with men, usually waiting to be alone. "He was your brother, and you didn't hesitate to kill him, so how can we be sure that you..." you start but Max roll his eyes and cut your sentence "You're not going to doubt me again sweetheart? This is getting lacy and redundant." he says as he puts his spoon down in his bowl"...He wasn't my brother per se... We just had the same maker... Like all vampire in the church tonight..." he says with a smile, but his smile doesn't fool you and lets you see a hint of sadness in his eyes. Something Pero doesn't miss either, something he thought about on your way to the camp, but doesn't say anything about it, interested in his story, nonetheless. "Who are you supposed to join when you die?" he said, breaking the silence around the fire.

He stared at Pero through the flames, and hesitated for a few seconds, but finally spoke, realising that you both trust him a little more every moment, step by step "My wife and daughter..." he said softly, almost inaudible. You and Pero stare at each other, eyebrows furrowed, surprised by this revelation. "I... A vampire child?" says Tovar, pretty sure he's never met one in his life. Max looked at Pero and laughed, "I was human before I was like this, handsome! ... I had a life..." he said sadly, looking into the flames and talking as if he hadn't been able to do so for years. "... I had a farm with my wife in the south of the country, a farm she had always wanted, a farm I had given her with promises of a better life... Our daughter loved the horses we had there... She would wake up and run straight to them every morning, although we told her every morning from the moment she could walk that she had to ask us or tell us... and one evening I asked her to go and check as she always did if all the horses were there..." He paused for a moment trying to smile, probably not wanting to show you that he has feelings, toward the both of you " ... That was the last time I saw her alive. My wife found her completely pale and bleeding in the stable… She let out a scream like I've never heard before. When I arrived, he was on top of her... Already dead with empty eyes, looking at me... and his own face... was so monstrous, soaked in blood, the blood of my beloved... ". he take a little pause, and you let him, putting your hand on his shoulder, before he said something who really broke your heart “I promised her the world to only die on a land of broken promises”

You feel your heart clenching hard in your chest and look at him with compassion, because you can see him as anyone could see him right now that he is not lying to you... Pero hands him a flask not really knowing if he is drinking alcohol or not, but he grabs it, appreciating the gesture and takes a sip before continuing "I grabbed my pitchfork you know... And I tried to struggle against him... But I woke up underground... And he told me later that he liked the fact that I wasn't afraid of him, and preferred to turn me to join him ... I would have preferred to die with them that night... And I was forced to follow him for so many years, I wouldn't have survived a day without it..." he says, passing you the flask.

"You must not be the only one like this” Pero said without an ounce of malice or teasing in his voice as he would normally have seen a member of this species suffer, he was sincerely starting to enjoy the company of this Max Philips, actually sad for him "There's Tarja, who left the clan many years ago before me, and who settled alone near the border in the east... At least that's the last time I saw her there... And if he's after her, she's probably already dead. She wasn't as well trained as us, and much younger..." he says, straightening up slightly and giving you a dry, forced smile.

“If she had lost her family that…” “Oh no it’s more complicated for her beauty… She was a saint in a monastery that he attacked a few years ago… She lost all her children in one night… And he turned her for fun, thinking that a saint with a damned soul would be something fun, I guess…”

Pero frowned his brows and there was silence between you for a few seconds. You put your hand on Pero’s arm and sent him a smile of compassion “… This monastery was in the north? A monastery by a river." asked Pero silently with his eyes closed. "How can you possibly know that you..." “Because your creator did not kill all the children that night...” Pero said, opening his eyes with a dark and sad gaze…

Chapter3

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jungxk · 5 years ago

Text

crush

filed under. i totally forgot i wrote this. also i like the name eunmi sue me

notes. thank you to @lonelyending for reading thru this crusty story and making me feel good enough about it again to post it. also @suga-kookiemonster bc im pretty sure i sent u this like a year ago and u told me to post it it but....i forgot abt it shdgjsgd. writing/life in general has been hard recently so pls accept this kookfic to hold yous over until i update just one

genre. fluff, light comedy, light angst, smut

warnings. smut (oral sex: f receiving, penetrative unprotected sex)

length. 5.1k

the first thing jungkook thinks when he sees you is wow.

he hasn't been up for very long, and you don't even know he's looking at you through the window. yoongi-hyung has wrapped you up in his arms as you sob and sob, muted behind the protective hospital glass. even with messy hair and wet eyes he's starstruck. it's why he recoils slightly when jimin and namjoon explain to him that you're his wife.

"my," he can't even say the word. "my..."

"your wife," namjoon repeats. "you know what a wife is, right? marriage?"

"yes," jungkook huffs, digging his nails into his scalp. "i lost my memory, hyung, not my fucking brain cells."

he suddenly registers the gold band glistening on his left hand, simple and heavy. he has to take a second to collect himself. "but...but i'm twenty-three. right? i am twenty-three, yeah?"

"yeah. you are," jimin says softly.

"then how the fuck am i already married? not that i'm complaining i just," he suddenly turns pink at the thought of you in a wedding dress, clinging onto his arm, breakfast dates, late night ramen runs at the convenience store, painting the living room in a house you probably share, naked in bed on top of him. jungkook clears his throat. "it just seems a little out of character for me. i can't commit to a pair of shoes for a week let alone-"

"i think it's best if you just spoke with ____," jimin finishes before jungkook can work himself into a frenzy, a comforting hand laying on his shoulder. "you two need to talk anyway and it's best if all these answers came from her."

jungkook gulps at the thought of speaking to you, seeing you face to face. suddenly he's a cripplingly shy fourteen year old again.

"okay." he croaks. "okay."

you were even more beautiful up close.

your tear stained cheeks are glowing and blotchy when you perch on the chair beside his bed, big eyes fluttering up at him nervously. you're soft and plush and shorter than he thought and jungkook has to fist his hands in the sheets and play a counting game with the heart rate monitor in order to maintain eye contact. he feels himself start to sweat when you smile sadly at him. "sorry, i just...i don't know how to be around you normally without making you uncomfortable," you say quietly, wringing your hands together to avoid touching him.

"uncomfortable?" he queries, gaze latching onto the ring on your hand. seeing it on you gives him a nice feeling.

you nod into your lap. "yeah, um..." you look at your scuffed shoes, searching for the word. "we're usually very...touchy."

he can feel himself turning red again. "t-touchy?"

you meet his eyes and a pretty smile breaks over your face at how bashful he looks, making jungkook's cheeks tinge even pinker than they already are. you nod cutely so your earrings tinkle, eyes shining, and suddenly he understands without any context why he fell in love with you, why he married you so young. you let a comfortable silence settle over the room before taking a deep breath, bracing yourself. "how much do you remember, jungkook?"

he tries not to cave under the weight of his guilt. "not a lot about...you, that is," he finishes with a wince, your sad eyes immediately making him wilt with shame. "i remember everything up until a couple of years ago. we had a show at the japanese dome, debuted in america, and then...nothing. and now..."

"and now," you echo softly. your eyes look distant, staring at the floor.

"i'm sorry," jungkook whispers, chin touching his chest. "hyung told me...they all told me how much i loved you and...and i'm sorry i don't remember any of it. i'm so sorry."

you shake your head gently. "don't be sorry, jungkook-ah," the pet name makes his ears perk up. its a familiar, calming sound. "none of this is your fault. you didn't ask to get hit by that car." your expression turns remorseful, tugging at his heart. "if anything, this is because of me. the only reason you were out was because i asked you to go and get eggs and formula even though i should've remembered to pick some up on the way home and-"

"no, no! please don't blame yourself," jungkook tries, wishing he was close enough or even brave enough to take your hand. you look up at him and he catches a glimpse of the endless pool of love you harbour for him, like a punch to the chest. "i don't ever want you thinking this was your fault. so ple-" he pauses. "wait, formula?"

the door bursts open before he can finish, pitter patter steps rounding his bed until it reaches the other side, where you sit. a little girl with big dark eyes and curls of dark hair stares at him in wonder and elation, her cheeks dimpling just like yours before she screeches, "appa!"

jungkook's mouth goes dry. appa?

you're quick to intervene, putting yourself in the toddlers path to scoop her up in your arms. her grabby little hands struggle over your shoulder, fingers wriggling in attempt to get as close to jungkook as possible. he only stares with wide eyes and an open mouth, heart hammering in his chest when he sees the uncanny resemblances: his round nose. your brown skin but just a twinge fairer. his hooded eyes. and his stomach lurches.

"shhh, eunmi," you coo as you carry her away even with her squirming. "remember what i said before? appa is sick. appa is sick, baby-"

"we have a child?" jungkook wheezes, eyes starting to glaze over. there's a bout of silence when you look back at him guiltily, the baby's fumbling grinding to a halt when she registers the tension in the air. jungkook's breath is barely a whisper. "is that my daughter?"

your face crumples with a fresh bout of tears and eunmi looks on worriedly. she pushes her little lips into your cheek in a baby's kiss, like she's seen her father do so many times to get your attention. the word "amma," is muffled into your skin until you get yourself together and press a short kiss to her head.

yoongi rushes in, face twisted in apology. "i swear to god i turned around for one minute and-"

"it's okay, yoongi," you say quietly, stroking the baby's head. "eunmi, stay with uncle just a bit longer, okay? amma will be back in a minute..."

"appa," she whines over your shoulder, reaching for jungkook who sits helplessly in his bed. he watches with tears wetting his eyelashes, heart twisting in agony at the sight of his child he doesn't remember stretching her arms out for him. she begins to cry when he doesn't react or coo her. like he used to.

"take her, yoongi," you say shakily, passing the baby to him. the sound of eunmi's crying makes your heart shatter all over again, yoongi's quiet hushing doing nothing to qualm her sobbing as the heavy door closes behind them.

the silence that falls between the two of you is nothing short of excruciating. jungkook's head spins, completely overwhelmed: is that why you both got married so young? because of a child? was this why jimin and namjoon wouldn't say a damn thing about his life until he spoke to you first?

and then all the other questions that followed: was he a good father? when was his daughter's birthday? did she like kimchi and banana milk too? did he sing to her? read to her often?

would she ever forgive him for not being able to remember her?

"her name is eunmi," you say, looking down at the floor when jungkook starts to cry.

jungkook doesn't understand how his baby could be so pretty. she's golden brown like those sandy beaches on postcards, with chubby cheeks and twinkling dark eyes that resemble yours to a t, and that's when he realises of course she's beautiful. she's yours. you balance eunmi on your hip while you make coffee - decaf, since you're still weaning - and despite the amnesia jungkook feels like he's been here before, in this warm, happy place that is the kitchen.

"she got your nose though," you remind him, dumping the baby in his lap upon her fussing. she always seemed to wind down under his touch, and although nervous about the sudden responsibility of fatherhood, jungkook is compelled to give it. eunmi doesn't understand anything's changed so he doesn't see why he should act like it. "she's whiny before her milk too. like you."

"hey!" he retorts, but can't exactly defend himself. he twirls his fingers around her curly pigtails until she catches on and tries to stand on his thighs, reaching for his hair to yank. jungkook lets her. he's barely known his daughter a week and he's already so smitten he'd let her gut him open with a butter knife.

"she missed you, you know. when you were in hospital all this time," you say, making him look up to watch you stare into your drink. the fear still lingers in your eyes, faint and persistent. he can see it every time you look at him and it makes his body yearn to touch you like he once did, like he once would have before his brain unlearned everything his heart didn't. you laugh while watching eunmi pull his hair again, making him hiss. "even yoongi tried but no one coddles her as much as you."

"really?" he asks, face lighting up. he's so happy to hear that. jungkook hates the way the question bubbles up in the back of his throat, like it'd make a difference or it'd change how he felt. but he has to ask it. "is that why...is that why we got married so early, then?" he says, trying to sound as offhand as possible. "because of eunmi?"

you chew your lip. "yeah. i mean, you said it wasn't a big deal. because you were going to marry me eventually so it didn't make a difference, but...it doesn't really matter i guess, because that's not what everyone else thinks," you pause, tracing the rim of your mug again. "that's certainly not what your fans think."

jungkook doesn't even want to think about it. the backlash, the gossip, the name calling and dehumanisation. for the first time in his life jungkook couldn't give less of a shit about his reputation. "i'm sorry," he says, feeling like the word has lost meaning by now with how much he's said it. "i'm so sorry. not for this, for us or for eunmi. i don't regret any of that i just," he shifts the baby in his lap, still getting used to her weight. "i can only imagine what you went through."

you look a bit bewildered. "...you said that last time too." you smile again reassuringly. "please don't feel solely responsible, kook-ah. you didn't exactly get me pregnant on your own."

he flushes tomato red and you giggle at him until eunmi joins in too.

jungkook can't keep his eyes off you while you play with the baby, comb out her hair, sing her lullabies while you bathe her together. he'd always wanted a whirlwind romance as a teen and it looks like he finally got it, because he can feel himself fall head first in love with you (all over again). it didn’t make sense for someone to be so collected and easygoing after having motherhood forced onto you so abruptly. you tell him often that he's a picture-perfect dad, but jungkook still doubts he compares.

"does she need a change?" he asks, struggling to keep all of eunmi's wriggling limbs in his grip.

"nope, just hungry," you say, reaching out when he passes the baby to you. you're about to stand up and go to the guest room to feed her, but jungkook is already arranging the pillows next to him for you, grabbing a baby cloth on the side too.

"do you need another pillow?" he muses aloud, but he's already grabbing the ones on his side of the bed before you can answer, forming a wedge for you to sit nicely beside him. he looks up at you when you fail to move. "are you okay?"

"yeah i, um," you chew your lip nervously. "you don't...mind me feeding here?"

you immediately regret the question once it leaves your mouth. jungkook's crestfallen expression hits you right in the stomach, round eyes glittering up at you. he hasn't looked this upset since he woke up nearly a month ago. "why would i ever mind?”

"oh jungkook," you sniff, sitting beside him. he pulls you into the nest of pillows beside him, arm winding protectively around your shoulders. your eyes brim with sympathy tears, tired and angry and upset with treating him like a stranger.

"if i make you feel uncomfortable, i can go," he offers quietly. "if it makes you feel weird i understand..."

"no, not at all," you rush to stop him, suddenly realising how close you are. you could kiss his pink little lips if you just tilted your head up. "i just didn't want to make you feel weird. all this new stuff is happening to you, you're suddenly a husband and a father with no recollection of signing up or it and i just...i don't know how much you want to invest the second time around," you scramble to finish your sentence when he pins you with a concerned expression. “as in, i understand if you don’t want to make the same choice twice. it’s a big decision.”

he shakes his head dismissively. there wasn't a thing in the world that could make him turn his back on his family but it looked like you still needed convincing. he peers at you curiously when you position the baby. "so i can stay?"

you smile at him eagerly. "of course," you undo the nursing strap of your bra before the baby finally latches. "i actually prefer it when you're here. it makes me feel safe."

jungkook watches quietly while you hum for the baby, playing with her little hand while she drinks. the adoration seeps out of him in waves, how serene you look while you rock her, how angelic eunmi looks while she blinks her big doll eyes up at you both. she won't stay this little forever. he feels so overwhelmed by it, gathering you further in his arms with the urge to hold his family in his hands like a diamond. you don't question the little sniffles jungkook buries into your hair, resting your head on his shoulder wordlessly. you missed being held by him, missed his cotton scent and gentle breath.

"i love her so much," he whispers into the shell of your ear, entranced by the baby's little gurgles and gulps. he reaches out to run his knuckle over the velvet of her cheek, round and stuffed with milk. "i feel like i'll die, i love her so much."

"me too," you smile. "it was scary and hard for a long time but...i'm so glad we had her. i wouldn't trade her for anything."

you feel jungkook's lips trace your temple, heart stuttering upon the sudden contact. you hear what he doesn’t say: i wouldn't trade either of you.

"why are you so sweaty?" jimin scowls, noting the dark patches under jungkook's t-shirt when he tries to take the baby from his arms. "it's not even humid today."

jungkook doesn't do anything but gulp and cuddle a sleeping eunmi closer to his chest. she's become somewhat of a security blanket for him; even if she wasn't awake to play, he was always itching to hold her and nuzzle into her head when he's tense or embarrassed. like now.

"leave him alone, you know he sweats when he's shy," yoongi grins.

"stop it," jungkook mumbles.

"shy? what for?"

"because he's got a crush on his wife," namjoon snickers, knowing jungkook would whack him one if his arms weren't around his kid. "why are you looking at me like that? it's true!"

"but you can't just say it! she'll hear!" he hisses.

"you're married," jimin deadpans but it only makes the younger boy curl in on his baby more. "god, this reminds of when you two met. remember how he used to hide behind manager hyung every time ____ came in? and then i had to listen to them fuck in the next room for a year only to end up back here all over again-"

"jungkook," you call. "where did these come from?" you walk into the sitting room with a bouquet of yellow roses nestled in your arms. "did a fan send them? i didn't see a note they were just on the worktop-"

"th-those are for you," he mumbles. "i got those for you."

you look so pretty when you stare it makes him sweat harder and the three older boys all but burst a vein in their head trying not to laugh when leaving the room. there's an awkward silence where you clutch the flowers and he clutches the baby. "thank you," you say finally. "they're beautiful, i love the colour yellow..."

his big doe eyes round up to look at you even though the lower half of his face is smushed into pigtails. "you're welcome."

"can i kiss you?" you blurt out, too fast to stop it. your cheeks are still stinging and you're pretty sure you have baby powder in your hair but jungkook looks at you with awe as he nods so vigorously his earrings shake.

so you do, leaning over the arm of the sofa to press your mouth over his long enough for both your breaths to catch. you pull away, moving to sit next to him so his free arm can wind around your shoulders when you kiss him again. "please," he mumbles when you part. "please don't ask to kiss me. just do it," he leans for another long, warm kiss that leaves you light headed. "stop tip-toeing around me, okay? we're married. i know i scare easy, but not that easy."

you feel giddy, finally feeling the weight being lifted piece by piece. "okay," you peck his mole endearingly before scooting up for another kiss. "i missed this."

"me too," he hums into your mouth. "it feels like the first time but also...not the first time, you know? not just because i don't remember but like," he doesn't know how to say it, wetting his lips thoughtfully. your chapstick is cherry flavoured, his favourite. "like we've been doing this for longer than both of us even realise. longer than this life."

"i know," you nod. "i know."

after a while, you forgot about jungkook's amnesia altogether. even though the chances of him making a full recovery were slim, it all felt so normal and back to routine, all the kissing and the cuddling and the playing with eunmi. there was almost no room for trepidation anymore. until now.

you moan into jungkook's mouth when he pulls you onto his thighs, big hands palming your ass when you grind into him. he's only mildly concerned that he'll cum in his pants at this rate but he doesn't fret too much: that was secondary to undressing you and touching you and pleasing you and making you scream as loud as he could make you without waking the baby. he has nearly three years of re-learning your body to catch up on and he's eager to start.

he's quickly reminded during this process that you are a master. you know exactly where to kiss him, exactly how much pressure to kneed into his cock with your hips, exactly how much tongue he wants in his mouth until he's whining and damp for you. of course you know his body like the back of your hand - your child wasn't conceived from thin air. it makes him all the more desperate to learn, almost antsy to get his mouth and hands on you until you're writhing and breathless beneath him.

you gasp when you feel his hand slip between your legs, rubbing his fingers over your shorts. you automatically rock your covered wetness into his touch, the long whimper you muffle into his neck sending jungkook soaring through the clouds with pride. you're so lost in the feeling, having missed it so much, you're barely able to squeak a stop! when he hooks his fingers inside the waistband of your panties.

his eyes shoot open. "what's wrong?"

"j-jungkook," you shuffle in his grip, feeling so embarrassed under his scrutiny you don't know where to look. "it's not that i want you to stop but. listen, just," you cling to his shoulders, shivering when his hands drag reassuringly up to your waist. "just remember that...i've had a kid, okay? i'm not gonna look like before."

he blinks. "i don't remember what you looked like before."

"no, i mean like," you lick your lips, tasting him there. "it's still something to keep in mind. i'm not gonna be as smooth and perky in places like all those idol girls you perform next to, so just-" he watches you fumble nervously in his lap, the growing disbelief making him blink. "don't expect too much okay? things might not look the way you imagine them to and i don't want you to feel-"

"stop," he cuts off, tugging you so you're seated over his erection again. the look jungkook pins you with is so intense you can feel your pulse thrum in your ears, the harsh rise and fall of his chest making him appear that much more passionate. "this body," he slips his hands up your top, palming your skin. "made my child. i take offence to it being spoken about with anything less than admiration, even by you."

"kook-ah," you say nervously, but still let him remove your pj top over your head before you laying you under him on the bed. you don't know why your eyes suddenly prick with tears when he traces over your stretch marks and discoloured skin with his smooth lips. "this kept my daughter warm," he kisses under your navel, sliding up to your heavy breasts. he kisses each darkened nipple, swollen from the baby's mouth. "these feed her." he rises further still, before planting his mouth on your forehead in a short peck. "and this raises her. so how can i be anything but proud to touch you?"

"jungkook, stop," you sniff, tears wetting your lashes. your eyes fall shut when he wipes them away with his thumb, lips ghosting over your cheeks and nose.

"what did i say about tip-toeing around me?" he whispers, forcing you to look him in the eye. only then do you see the tears there, all the ardour and respect he holds for you pooling in those brown depths. "i'm your husband. let me be your husband."

you kiss him before you can start crying again, letting him part your mouth and taste you long and hard before finally undressing himself and slipping your shorts off. this is all a first for him, and it's been so long since you've done this it's almost like a first for you too, frantic and messy and desperate to feel jungkook lodged inside you where he belongs. you know he must share the sentiment when he splits your thighs over the narrow of his hips, hooking them there while he gets a good look of his erection rubbing through your slick.

no wonder i knocked her up, jungkook muses faintly. i don't think i can ever stop doing this.

"jungkook, please," you run a hand through his hair, grinding against his cock in encouragement but he still won't take the plunge. instead, your voice reminds him of his initial objective, causing him to saunter down between your legs faster than you can process. he's licking into you before you can have a second thought about it, mouth falling open with a loud moan when he traces around your clit in firm circles.

he has your knees over his shoulders and his arms wound around your hips so you have nowhere to go, nothing to do but buck into his attentive mouth, jungkook's groans vibrating against you until you can barely keep yourself together - he's always enjoyed this as much as you have. which is why he takes his time, explores every crevice and subsequent response, relishing in the gush of wetness when he does something right. he even goes as far as holding his tongue stagnant against your folds so you have no choice but to rub yourself into him for friction, so entranced he is by your invigorating reactions. only when you're squirming and whimpering with deliriousness does he finally give in and resume a steady pace over your swollen clit, two fingers sliding in home so you have something to come around. and you do.

messy and wet and shrieking into the pillow by your head so that you're muffled enough to not wake the baby down the hall, your orgasm drawing out longer than normal as you do your best to ride it out. jungkook carries you through it, gulping down as much of your arousal as he can manage until your hips finally drop back into the bed in post-climax exhaustion. on the contrary, the only reason he stops lapping at you is because you tug him away by the hair, bringing him up to you and between your legs again before he can do anything about it.

he splutters with a moan at the sudden contact of your wetness against his cock again, eyes fluttering shut and allowing you to bring him in, arms and legs winding securely around him so that you're flush against each other, hips rocking in tandem. jungkook is so caught up in the feeling - not the sex but the safety of being held, being connected like this - that you're the one to reach down and position his tip against your hot center, before finally running your hands down your husband's back to cup his ass and shove him into you.

jungkook gasps, breath shaking at how tight you are. you're so hot, so snug around him his eyes shut upon instinct, letting your hands guide his hips and showing him how to move in that perfect rolling motion that you're only familiar with after years of practice. and jungkook, of course, is a fast learner. it doesn't take long for him to take the reigns and fuck you just how you like it, adding in a sharp snap of his hips every now and again just to listen to you squeak in surprise. the wet sounds of your joined arousal coupled with you moaning under him is near cathartic, sending him hurtling to his finish line.

but before he can get there you shift him over, thick thighs helping you roll and pin him under you on the bed. jungkook grapples at your waist when you resume a slower but harder rock of your hips that has his length grinding against your clenching walls, his head thrown back at the intensity of it. you ride him through it, peppering the moles on his pretty neck with kisses and sucks, mouth finding his stiff little nipple to give it a swirl too. it's exactly what he needs to finish off, fingers digging into your flesh as he bucks wildly, filling you full of his seed while he calls your name. you slow to a stop when his hands finally fall limp on your thighs, his chest heaving under you and covered in sweat. you giggle. he always got so sweaty.

"you did so well, kookie," you whisper, kissing his damp neck and collar bones. his arms are suddenly around you again for comfort. "you were so good for me...always so good to me..."

"you," he croaks finally, eyes half lidded and a little delirious. "you didn't finish?"

you giggle at his genuine concern, pecking his wet lips. "i got mine, remember?"

"how many times?" jungkook is suddenly alert, tugging your wrist to get your attention before you can climb off him. his other hand is still around your middle so moving was out of the question until he allowed it. he was still inside you. "how many times do i usually make you come?"

you blink in embarrassment. you never really thought about it, let alone counted. "um...i don't know..." he waits for an answer, awfully serious about it. "a-at least two or three, i guess."

you yelp when he flips you back over, fingers immediately prying your cum soaked folds apart to nestle inside. "then don't act like we're done."

#jungkook x reader #bts x reader #jungkook au #jungkook scenario #jungkook smut #myfic #dont we all love a memory loss au

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life-rewritten · 4 years ago

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THE GIANTS OF THAI BL 2020 AKA SHOWS STEALING MY HEART IN NOVEMBER

UPDATE AND UPCOMING ANALYSIS NOVEMBER 2020

It's the moment I've been waiting for since the excruciating silence of Thai BLS during the lockdown. It's November, the month of thanksgivings, the month of pre-Christmas jitters, nanowrimo and the month that has finally made me realise we are so close to ending this godforsaken year. Still, most of all, November means that we are getting buttloads of shows that are about to take my breath away. This year has been such an exciting year for BLS because of the increasingly amount of companies and directors willing to produce and release different types of BLS. In this list, we have awaited sequels, delicious plotlines and shocking comebacks. But most of all we have lots and lots of romance and men. Which of these have you been waiting for? Let me know. Let's squeal about it. November is going to be so great!

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows?

Shows already airing

1.I TOLD SUNSET ABOUT YOU/ INTERPRET, MY LOVE, WITH YOUR HEART

Genre/Themes: Romance, Melodrama, Coming of Age, Angst, Drama, Childhood friendship

Country: Thailand

Verdict: So finally I rise from the memories of poorly produced bls, and pains of bad acting, and toxic writings, and traumas of stiff actors and homophobic agendas to finally say that without a doubt. Nadao has produced another masterpiece after my other favourite (Non) BL; Greater Man academy. Nadao stuns me, and for a very long time, I couldn't understand that this was how everyone was feeling, one because I wasn't fully educated or in the know about the company, I only saw tv shows in Thailand that were produced by GMMTV and to be honest I didn't think there was anything else above that standard in shows apart from Lakorns and Movies. (I know Sacrebleu) Getting to know and watch Nadao shows has been an experience, and for BL, I am hooked and ready for what else they have to offer. The only qualms that prevent me from gushing about the show are how international fans are treated. It took me a very long time to forgive ITSAY for its subbing platform (and price range), and that's why I refused to watch it with positive feelings. After episode 2 though, I'd be a fool to hold on to resentment when there is no doubt that this BL (despite not knowing if it's a sad ending. I'd hate if it is but it wouldn't change anything) is the best BL of this year. With ridiculous, incredible production, outstanding breathtaking cinematography, beautiful and talented actors and writing so good it blows me away. Episode 2 left my heart in pieces, but in a good way, I haven't recovered from the angst.

Ratings: 4.5/5 Would have been a 5/5 if the pricing made sense but also I'm terrified about a sad ending which I won't be too happy about.

2. FRIEND FOREVER/ OUR LOVE IS SICK

Genre/Themes: Romance, Music, Coming of Age, Angst, Drama, Childhood friendship, Rich vs poor, Bullying

Country: Thailand

Verdict: It's a pity this show is not available for international fans. Because I think people would actually love this show the way I do. It's so precious, reminds me so much of my first ever BL Lovesick (made by the same production team so makes sense) but better. What can I say about this show, really adorable cast, actually so good on the screen, great chemistry, and good storylines that keep me hooked. I am so in love with surprisingly one of my favourite couples this year Tin and Sea. I have such a great time watching this show, and I enjoy also analysing and just piecing together some of the mysteries in the show. It's been so good so far, and I can't wait for more. The first episodes are a little slow-paced, but it gets better as you keep watching it. I'd advise you to watch the director's cut because that has all of the storylines in the episode instead of the tv version which is more censored and has a lot of deleted scenes that mess with the flow of the storyline. Still, one of my favourite Thai shows right now.

Ratings: 4/5 I think 4/5 is a fair score just because of some confusion when trying to watch it internationally and getting the right version and I do think the story feels like a whiplash between the different styles of writing of the main two couples. Go watch this though if you haven't, dm me and I'll show you how.

NON-THAI

3. GAYA SA PELIKULA

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Angst, LGBTQ+ Education, Contract relationship, Haters to lovers

Country: Philippines

Verdict: Normally with verdicts, I have so much to say about a show, also when I analyse I can write essays and essays of information. When it comes to this show, I'm speechless. I'm in awe; I'm crying just even trying to explain how great this show is. How great Fridays are because of this show. How upsetting and damaged I am when the end of the episode occurs, I literally mourn waiting for the next episode the next week because it's too long. This show pulls you in, and it never lets you go. I'm mindblown by the writing of this show, mindblown by the acting, by the production, music, but most of all I have become a mess because of this meta in this show. I have cried so much because of how much I care about this show, the characters are all fleshed out, are so powerfully written, and emotionally tugs at your heartstrings whilst still educating and representing LGBTQ community fantastically. I don't know what we did to deserve a show like this. Maybe its because after years of waiting for something to finally show up and just be unproblematic and be so great with no questions, no confusions, no struggle, this show is just that. And I will be forever thankful to the whole team that brought this to us

Ratings: 5/5 I would give this more than 5 if I could. That's how much this show means to me.

4. CHERRY MAGIC

Genre/Themes: Romance, Comedy, Supernatural, Office drama, Slice of Life

Country: Japan

Verdict: Kurosawa and Adachi. That's it. That's the reason for the 5/5 stars when it comes to watching this show. First of all, I like Japanese romantic comedy shows, and anime, and manga. So seeing cherry magic come to life as this amazing form of that makes me so happy. Typically with Japanese BL, everything feels so serious sometimes, and then sometimes it feels too crazy and over the top. But Cherry Magic just feels like a warm hug when you watch it; you can't help your self but to smile and giggle at Adachi's adventures realising that he can read minds because he's a virgin at 30 years old. To add to that, he is given Kurosowa this incredible, amazing, wonderful non-toxic man who absolutely adores him and unconditionally is there for him. I just like what? Where do I get my own Kurosawa? Like it just feels so unfair haha. But really cherry magic is full of great acting, fantastic plot and unique as well. Every character is also written well, and all have interesting dynamics. We also have another side couple who is so funny and ridiculous but also just cute and heartwarming. I have a great time watching this show and the fact that it's ending on Christmas day? Already tells you what this show is, a gift and its a great one.

Ratings: 5/5 I want my own Kurosawa. That's it. That's all I want Universe.

Shows Upcoming

5. THARNTYPE 7 YEARS OF LOVE

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Mature, LGBTQ+ Representation, Internalised homophobia, Sequel

Country: Thailand

Verdict: This is a complicated show to gush about. First of all TharnType, the series in 2019 was one of my favourite shows that brought me back to this BL thing. I absolutely adore all the actors, and I also loved the storyline like I said before there's something about Mame's writing that I appreciate, I think most of her strengths is found in TharnType. Because of this, this sequel is one of my most anticipated show this year. However, I feel conflicted because I hate sequels. I hate couples having to go through the weird-ass, shallow, conflicts that just end up ruining the meaning of their previous show and leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth about the couple I once loved (Looking at you Together with me the next chapter still traumatised honestly). Enough of the negatives, Tharn and Type from the trailer looks like it's going to be a wild ride, I can even see the great chemistry that made me fall for MewGulf, and I'm so excited to see the new couples and characters. I also am so excited to see TECHNO again and laugh with him every Friday. We also know that the awaited wedding between our couple is also going to be in this show. And that's going to make me bawl like a baby. Let's hope we don't have too many toxic or troublesome storylines, let's hope we don't have too many breakups and fights (because that hurts so much seeing Mew cry) and let's hope we finally have a sequel that is better than its predecessor.

Ratings: 4.5/5 This is how I feel about it, I don't think I can rate it as 5/5 because of all the worry and anxiety at what the storyline entails—still a great show to look forward to.

6. MANNER OF DEATH

Genre/Themes: Romance, Crime, Mature, Angst, Drama, Mystery, Thriller, Haters to Lovers

Country: Thailand

Verdict: Think about it. Why wouldn't this be number one on everyone's list of upcoming BLS? We have the return of one of the best actors in this genre MaxTul the actual godfathers of Thai BL; we have an incredible team here with a director that has won multiple awards, with a storyline that is unique to Thai BL, we're getting crime, detective, mystery BL with mature characters who are not in university? As if that's not enough, we also have a really incredible plotline about this forensic doctor who falls in love with someone who we are not sure if we should trust because he could be a murderer! Like oooh yes please, the drama, the angst, the thrill?? I'm ready for this; I am so prepared to give my whole heart and attention on this show. I want it to be so good, to defeat the shows of 2019 that came and took our hearts away, to be the best BL ever. It's so difficult not to raise my expectations when it comes to this show when I know we have a great cast, great chemistry, non-stiff acting, and just a really non-toxic author as well. I look forward to this so much. Only issue/question? Where is the trailer? Hello WETV, where is our teaser? Why don't we know the date for when this is coming out? I want it out now. But I'll try and be patient okay?

Ratings: 5/5 I can't think of how this show won't be good. And that's really worrying. But for now, I'll keep my expectations high and wait.

7. TONHON CHONTALEE

Genre/Themes: Romance, Coming of Age, Angst, Comedy, Childhood friendship, GMMTV

Country: Thailand

Verdict: Podd and KHAOTHUNG, (my sun, my heart, my favourite person ever) Sorry just gushing over my two faves. GMMTV has shocked me this year with the announcement of this show. First of all, Khao gets to have a show where he's the main lead. I've been waiting for this, and I'm so proud and excited for him. Not only that obviously, but TonTonChontalee looks really good with a vibe of a comedic spin to one of my favourite shows Theory of love. I am ready to see Podd act so stupid as Ton and at the same time sob when he finally realises that Chon is the one. I'm so ready to see Khao act his socks off, and the show looks so funny, so fun and just like the chemistry between two is definitely a winner. I cannot wait for this next Friday. And it also has Mike and Toptap! What's not to love? Seriously though I'm praying this is successful, and it helps both Podd and Khao to dominate GMMTV. Let's find out next Friday.

Ratings: 5/5 For Podd and Khaothung. Just worth the rating.

8. GEN Y THE SERIES

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Angst, 2moons Fanfiction, Haters to Lovers

Country: Thailand

Verdict: First of all 2 MOONS Reunion! What?? Very shocked to see this show tbh one because it's like a direct copy of 2moons the series; the same cast, the weird alternations to the same name, the same kind of plot as well. Channel 3 has finally decided to invest in BLs, one of the biggest companies in Thailand, so the budget is high, the actors are known and famous, the production is good. This is so exciting to see. Also, 2moons was one of my favourite past BLs the whole time it was airing, and I had a massive affinity for Kimmon and Copter, so it's great to see them play their characters again but with a better budget and now glow up and grown. Their acting seems to have improved, Kit and Ming's storyline being the main focus is also really lovely to see. I also love seeing Bas and the other actors from other Bl series (The Moment actors) and I'm excited to know more about the new cast as well. So yeh this show has a great potential to win my heart as well, and the competition is not easy at all. But with a great company behind them and an exciting premise, this can also be a winner.

Ratings: 4/5 I'm intrigued by this show, and I look forward to seeing what it brings.

November is such an exciting month for someone like me who just loves watching tv and analysing and just seeing romance bloom. These couples, stories and actors have a great potential to be the best things of 2020 so far, each of these shows holds evidence that they're worth paying attention to and honestly I've missed seeing Thai BLs that make me so excited so much. I've missed these actors, I've loved each and every one of them, and I can't wait to see them this month on my screen. What about you, guys? What do you look forward to? Who are your favourites? What are you worried about when it comes to these comebacks. Let's discuss.

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atopearth · 3 years ago

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Collar X Malice: Unlimited Part 7 - Adonis Route

Honestly, I find the way Ichika joined Zero's side to be pretty iffy even back then in the original game, so I kinda hoped something like Kazuki dying would have changed here but I guess not.. I feel sorry for Kazuki that they reconciled but she still ended up joining Adonis alongside Akito, it must be a pretty big shock having to deal with that. (EDIT: guess he is gone..) Ichika being at the top and training people in marksmanship and stuff is very interesting lol. She looks all right with short hair but yeah, I agree with Zero, I liked the long hair more. Anyway, Zero wants her to find out if there's a traitor amongst them before the next X-Day (since the one 2 years ago failed) in 30 days. Anyway, it seems like you go through each of the Adonis' executors' stories so that's interesting. I'm just going to go from the ones I least like to the ones I like the most haha, and then leave Mikuni for last I guess. Well, Hana's story first then~

Kobayashi Hana

I guess Hana is as bright as ever. I quite enjoy seeing her try and dress Ichika up and make her cuter lol. On the other hand, seeing her mercilessly cut through that panda cake was pretty hilarious. One thing I enjoyed insight into was hearing that Hana has been avoiding going to Isshiki's concerts to avoid causing any trouble to them with the police just in case they come to crash it because of her or something. Honestly, I was pretty impressed. Like, she's always been pretty selfish, and she's always prioritised her love for Isshiki above everything, but to see that she could stop herself to protect him was nice in its own way. Even though she's a pretty ruthless killer, and even though she's obsessed with Isshiki, I guess she does think things through a bit so that Isshiki won't ever have to suffer because of her. Hmm Ichika seemed to reminisce about Kazuki, does that mean he died? Anyway, these investigations are short? Are they really just segments of story for Ichika to become friends with each person? Lol. I mean, Ichika literally did nothing but talk about random stuff with Hana lol. I actually find it rather endearing that Hana and Ichika can fight so openly about their feelings and understand that they actually do want the best for each other, it's kinda nice how they became good friends under such circumstances.

Soda Manabu

Honestly, I kinda wish we could just pick one character and continue until the investigation completes because it's sooo annoying having to press on each one like 7 times just to get a couple of lines of story each time Zzz. Anyway, gotta admit Ichika is pretty judgmental towards Soda, and actively tries to "fix" him and thinks what he does is "wrong", which is pretty annoying tbh. Just because she doesn't understand games, she thinks it's useless to Adonis, and then judges him for his eating habits? Lol. Anyway, at least she tried playing his game though lol, and even got lessons from him haha. I see, I can understand why Ichika would go to Zero for "revenge" but not sure about the "sadness" thing if that's what she's going for tbh. Losing Yanagi, Enomoto, Shiraishi, Okazaki and Kazuki is a big hit and I can understand it shattering her world, but going to Adonis is basically breeding everything that killed everyone important to her. Anyway, Sasazuka's pained voice telling Ichika not to go to Adonis really hurt. I'm sure he's really hurting over the fact he didn't notice the weapons that ended up killing everyone, alongside survivor's guilt of being the only one who survived out of the group, and then now not even being able to stop Ichika from going over to the other side.. It's painful to see. Anyway, lmao, Soda is probably a tamer little brother than Kazuki. His words are harsh but you can tell he only talks like that to protect himself, so any time he swears, I don't bother taking him seriously, he's a hurt little kid. It's cute how Ichika mixed his hated eggplants into the gratin and he didn't even notice, but he ate the whole thing happily🤣 He's so adorable lmao, especially when his face went red and he told her he'd eat her stuff again (even though she shouldn't hear it), and then he ran off🤣

It seems like Soda regrets his actions much more than I initially thought. He was able to get revenge, but now he's even more scared of death because of what he had done, and now he's just in this never-ending cycle of fear, needing to have Zero's power to protect himself, doing his bidding so that he won't die, but at the same time being so scared of his life that the only time he probably feels "safe" is when he plays his games. I love how happy he was when Ichika gave him a SS tier rare item and he put it on, locked it and kept it in a special box🤣 That's so cuteee. Definitely enjoyed Soda's mini part more than I thought hahaha, he's such a cute little kid, which makes it kinda sad lol. Soda blowing up and getting mad at Ichika for playing solo and saying she didn't need connections when she made him realise he wanted to start building connections because of her was really...heartwarming. Soda gave up on people and a lot of things thinking that he could never have them because that's how it was considering how people are, but he changed his mind after Ichika so insistently barged into his life, and now to say that it's practically useless would be extremely hurtful to him. I was really impressed with Soda, and I'm happy that he even told Ichika that she can rely on him more, he's such a sweet boy🥲

Uno Suzune

Lmaooo poor Shion, the woes of a big brother. I found it hilarious how Suzune would give him the green peas she doesn't like even though Shion hates them too, definitely something siblings would do🥲 I superrrr agree with Suzune about handwriting diaries instead of writing a blog! I mean, I have both obviously, but I definitely have different feelings when I read my blog and when I read my writing in my diary. Through my blog, I can easily read my exact thoughts and get to the gist of what I'm talking about, but with my diary, I can see stuff like when I started getting tired of writing, when I felt like changing my pen, and a lot of other feelings that can't be seen or portrayed properly in a typed blog, and yes, the memories of me writing all this usually comes back better when I've written it, mainly because I either say it in the entry or because I can actually remember sitting there and putting time into writing about my life/day.

Guess Suzune's pretty yandere for her brother if any kind of possible romantic interest from Ichika gets her other self to come out and threaten her about it lol. Anyway, it's cute how she’s starting to kinda think of Ichika as a big sister. Suzune willingly taking Ichika to Shion and calling Ichika Chi-chan is probably the biggest improvement you can get considering she could stab you as the worst case hahha. Well, Suzune was definitely cuter than I thought and seeing her so vulnerable, shy but wanting to protect Shion and getting out of her shell for him was sweet. Are there endings for each executor? Well, anyway, Suzune saying she would be sad if anything happened to Ichika was really sweet.

Sugawara Rika

Lmao, I forgot Sugawara is obsessed with Zero, this is going to be fun I guess. It's kinda funny that getting a 50,000 yen strawberry entices her lol, I'm surprised Zero approved it as an expense, like dang, can I have one too, I'm curious lol. Lmao when Sugawara wanted to keep the strawberries as a memento instead of eating it😂 She should have been convinced when Ichika said it'll become a part of her hahahah. LOL when Sugawara started lecturing Ichika about dressing better in front of Zero, and then tried to get her makeup to make her look better, but then Ichika runs away😂

Okay, I loved the girls dress up night with Hana, Ichika and Sugawara. It was so funny how they started arguing about what Ichika should wear and then became fast enough friends to recommend each other stuff and then wear it for fun. I loveee that they had a CG for their new outfits because they're all so pretty, I love them! I think Hana's is my favourite because it's so simple but cute in a different way from her usual. I guess it's kinda cute how in Hana's investigation, Hana focuses on Ichika's clothing fashion, but Sugawara takes it further or I guess mainly focuses on skincare, makeup and haircare haha. I guess it's nice that Sugawara is definitely much more open about standing up for herself and other women when it comes to men who try to objectify them or think of them as "lesser". She's become stronger. I think it's kinda sad to see that amongst all the other happy mini endings with the other executors, Rika's one with Ichika is actually pretty sad because it was through them bonding that Rika noticed Ichika's true intentions of revenge, and that's why they can never truly see eye-to-eye and be friends.

Ogata Tomoki

I guess I didn't expect Ogata to be the type to go to batting cages, but I even more didn't expect him to reserve sweets to make sure he can get them hahaha! It's nice that he enjoys wagashi though, I definitely should have tried it when I went to Japan, but I completely forgot😭 Aww, Ogata had such a sweet daughter! Whenever his wife wasn't looking, she would eat his hated tomatoes for him! Such a kind kid😭 I've never heard of monaka before, so I googled it and they look nice!! Kinda like an ice cream sandwich but not with ice cream and has red bean paste and other stuff inside I guess? I would totally eat it. Lmaoo at Ichika's impression of the typical salaryman😂😂 It's true though, I can't imagine Ogata going home to watch comedy shows with a beer in his hand🤣 Aww it was so cute how Ogata did an impersonation of a character in a drama because he got so used to doing it for his daughter. But lmao at Ichika though, telling him what he can improve on since Adonis might have end of the year parties he could use it for, imagine a bunch of terrorists partying for something so normal like the end of the year hahah😂😂

It's actually really sad how Ogata feels like he can't be a father anymore because he knows that he prioritises his current ideals and dreams more than his daughter. And I guess considering how long they've been separated and how much he has changed, it would probably feel awkward to try and be a normal father, but I guess at least through Ichika's encouragement, he's willing to try and reply to his daughter's letter of wanting to meet him. I think the reason why I've always liked Ogata is because he doesn't regret his actions. Like, he knows that he's killed people and that's why he doesn't want to see his family and get them involved with what he's doing right now, because he knows the gravity of his actions. But at the same time, his hatred for Fujii, the police and the whole mistaken arrest that led to such injustice for him and changed his whole perspective on life is something he can't let go of, and that's why it led him to Adonis and to fulfill his "new" ideals. He knows it's a path that will not necessarily have a "good ending" but he's willing to sacrifice everything for it, and I think that's what makes me attracted to his character. Anyway, LMAO at how insistent Ichika was on seeing young Ogata with a buzzcut playing baseball, absolutely hilarious when she was ready to tie him up with a rope and search his room😂😂 It's pretty sad to see that Ogata wanted to be like Isshiki and save people with his justice without faltering in this cruel world but he just wasn't able to do it because hatred was what fuelled him to move forward and not forgiveness or hope. But I'm glad he encouraged Ichika to listen to Isshiki's song and hear Kazuki's guitar, because seeing Ichika show her emotions again, even if just a little bit was nice...

Uno Shion

Aww, it's cute how much Shion cares about Suzune, but also so cute how he's embarrassed to say he likes chocolate🤣 It's nice that he's more cooperative than Suzune I guess hahaha. I never expected Shion to like to paint though, that's interesting. Anyway, it's pretty sad to think that the "outside world" was much more unforgiving to the Uno siblings, and that it was only after they joined this terrorist organisation did they get to feel safe and secure that they have shelter and food without people going crazy on them. In that sense, it's understandable how much more comfortable Adonis would be for them. Aww Shion and Suzune getting excited over a chocolate cake is so adorable. Them saving up to buy a home for themselves is so heartwarming, it makes me really want to cheer for them. I'm dying from how cute they are trying to feed Ichika the chocolate cake too because they really like her and think she's really kind like their mother was before. Shion buying a cheese tart for both Ichika and Suzune was sweet, she's like a part of his thought process when buying stuff for his sister hahaha. Lol when he just shoved it into her mouth instead of giving it to her like a normal person🤣 Lmaoo when Shion drew a portrait of Ichika stuffing herself with cheese tart🤣 To think that Shion was so serious about drawing that he's actually thinking about a future with it after the X-Day stuff..it’s so endearing.

Sera Akito

It must be difficult for both Akito and Ichika to talk to each other. Just seeing each other's faces would make them remember the past and compare it to the present, making their whole encounter just...painful to watch. It's so like Akito to hide that he dislikes shiitake mushrooms so that it wouldn't inconvenience Ichika and make her remove it from the cooking menu. Lmaooo at Akito being so scared of bugs, enough that Ichika has to call cockroaches dark fairies to make him feel more at ease🤣 I'm sure Akito must be hurting too, but his consideration for Ichika above himself really makes my heart feel so warm. Awww, my heart swooned when Akito said his ideal type was Ichika! If only there was an Akito route~ Anyway, I didn't expect Akito and Soda to really interact but lmaoo at Soda having spent millions of yen on in-game stuff, Soda is right though, gacha rates are cruel😭😭 Aww, it was so cute how honest Soda was about wanting to have defeated the boss with Akito instead of dumping him and killing it himself, since what Soda values is playing together with other people. So, Kazuki was stabbed by a guy who was influenced by Adonis into taking revenge against his bullies or something, and I guess Kazuki was killed when he tried to step in? Honestly, I feel terrible for Akito. He was already feeling doubts and guilt over getting revenge for his sister, but after experiencing Kazuki's death, he must hate his choice for joining Adonis even more than before. It honestly broke my heart to see Akito break down like that not knowing how he could atone for his sins in causing Kazuki's death. His heartwrenching screams really cut me and made me tear up from all the pain Akito must have been bottling up all this time. Akito will always be my favourite side character, I think his pain, his feelings and his emotions were portrayed so well.

Sanjo Keisuke

Aww, Sanjo's favourite food being ramen is very him, kinda hahaha. I can't imagine a 7kg bowl of ramen and having to finish that in 30 minutes😱 On the other hand, Sanjo being into arcades is kinda unexpected, lmaooo at Ichika thinking he would play the crane games😂 I didn't think about the fact that Ichika is a former cop just like him now, I wonder how he feels about that or whether he even cares😅 Lmao at Sanjo seriously answering Ichika what his type of woman is and then even describing the body shape with sound effects😂 I can't believe Ichika just tickled Sanjo and made him laugh like crazy, I would have liked to see that😆😆 I think it would have been so nice if Ogata was Sanjo's boss, I feel like their values and ideals of justice back in the day would have matched well since Sanjo probably desired something "pure" back in the day and hoped to be a part of an organisation that helped people, and Ogata was always helping people already, so they would have worked well together. It's just sad that they both got betrayed by their ideals of what the police should have been to them and others.

The idea that you can't feel any fear because you don't value your life is a pretty interesting and saddening thought. Maybe because I get that feeling sometimes. I agree with Sanjo, Zero definitely doesn't truly care about those ideals of saving the weak that he keeps spouting, he's not like Mikuni, and that's also imo the reason why Zero believes that he and Mikuni will never truly understand each other. Ichika and Sanjo eating ramen together is so cute lol.

Mikuni Rei

Lmao at Zero calling Mikuni an old man for liking fish, disliking carbonated drinks and other junk food because they're not nutritional hahaha. Otherwise, nothing much to say tbh, Mikuni has always been a rather bland character to me? I like him, but at the same time I don't because even though it's interesting to see that he actually has "noble" goals compared to Zero, the fact is that Mikuni as he himself said has been told that he's a "saviour" of sorts, and I think that really exemplifies the type of person Mikuni is. Someone who believes that he can and wants to "save" people in his own way as if he is someone above them all, but at the same time, he is very apparently flawed exactly because he is like that. He's not someone who truly understands the people "below" him and he also doesn't seem to perceive that as something that can be helped, and that's why even though his goals are "noble", he's not really noble at all. But it doesn't really change the fact that Mikuni is kind in his own way though. Mikuni eating shrimp crackers is so cute😂

Saeki Yuzuru

To be honest, I've always liked the chill policeman Saeki, and I personally think Zero likes that version of himself too. I feel like he always enjoyed just talking about stuff with Ichika during their drinking charades, and had fun visiting her. But at the same time, I feel like because of the existence of Adonis and Mikuni, Zero never really allowed his negative emotions to be "accepted" in order for him to move on, so instead it just continued piling up inside to the point of indifference towards the world and others imo. Anyway, it's sad, seeing Zero and Mikuni happily play chess together. They really look like two brothers just having fun in their own way. Hearing them say that they've been doing this since they were kids makes it all the more saddening when they realised that despite how "close" they were to each other, they never really understood each other. In a sense, I feel like in the end, both Mikuni and Zero use Adonis as a way to get the things they want and feel like it's one of the only ways they can do it? I mean, I do feel like Mikuni treasures his relationship with Zero more than Adonis or anything else, because when it comes down to it, I feel like he tries really hard to understand Zero by trying to see things from his perspective and hanging out with Ichika, the one that Zero thinks understands him best and the one Zero likes the most. On the other hand, Zero seems to use Adonis as a way for revenge of his mother and as a way to vent those emotions and scars he got, but at the same time Adonis also granted him Mikuni (a brother), and it gave him opportunities and power.

Zero definitely loves Ichika in an obsessed way, probably the only way he thinks he can love someone, since he doesn't want to become "weak" like his mother was. So if he felt anything like love, he would prefer it to be a love that would destroy him, because in a sense I think I can understand that sentiment of wanting the person you love to solely focus on yourself and no one else, whether that is hatred or whatever emotion doesn't matter, because being the entire focus of someone else's is a sort of "love" to enjoy, so I don't blame Zero for his twisted "love" lol. Especially since you can tell how much he has always enjoyed his after work beers and just chatting with Ichika. I quite enjoyed their little date walking around reminiscing the past and discovering new things they missed out on, now I really want to eat crepes🥲 The ending where Ichika kills Saeki is pretty sad though. Seeing Saeki the most relieved and happy he has ever been is probably what made me kinda happy for him though. He still sucks, but like Ichika said, I can't hate him, because it was true that he did reduce the sadness of many (whilst creating sadness for many others too though) and at the core, he was like in a sense a guy who consumed so much sadness from everywhere around him, always in pain, always sad despite his appearance, and thinking that makes it difficult for me to truly hate him.

Overall, I like the Adonis route! Initially, I was a bit sceptical whether it was really necessary and whether it would be interesting at all but I really loved bonding with all the executors. Seeing more of the human and emotional sides, seeing them warm up to Ichika and become friends with her really made me enjoy the "what could never be" part of it all. I think I especially loved Akito's because of how emotional it was tying into Kazuki and everything. But I also really enjoyed seeing the different sides of all of them. It really makes me wish Ichika got an individual route with like Akito and Sanjo and Ogata because I loveee them🥲🥲

Overall Review

I definitely enjoyed CxM: Unlimited much more than I thought I would! In the beginning, Sasazuka and Okazaki's routes kinda made me wonder whether I really wanted to continue this, but I'm so glad I got through them because I enjoyed Enomoto's, Yanagi's and Shiraishi's routes a lot! If I ranked them, I probably liked Shiraishi's the most, then Yanagi, Enomoto, Okazaki and then Sasazuka. It's definitely what I wanted in a fandisk, which is more fluffy romance and just bonding with all the guys even more, and I absolutely loveeee the potential romances with Yoshinari and Minegishi, they were so unexpectedly nice. Definitely no plot but that's okay since it's a fandisc and I think it fulfilled really well what its goal was when it comes to more romance in the story haha. 8/10! I'm definitely going to miss the characters, I'm so attached to Enomoto and them lol.

#collar x malice unlimited

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dangermousie · 4 years ago

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2020 End of Year Post - kdrama edition

You can find my 2020 cdrama post here: dangermousie.tumblr.com/post/638449659546845184/2020-end-of-year-post-cdrama-edition

This is only going to cover kdramas that aired in 2020; if it originally aired another year, it’s not on this list.

It’s been a pretty lackluster kdrama year. There are probably only 5 kdramas I truly loved and only three of them I was really obsessed over. Better luck in 2021!

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

42 Born Again - so bad, so incoherent, so insane, I have no idea why the leads signed up for it (and unlike some of the other watchers, I think it was awful from the very start.) There is literally nothing about this drama that makes sense.

41 Love with Flaws - a bunch of people who should be tried under the Geneva Convention.

40 Sweet Munchies - Jung Il Woo proves his inability to pick a functional script.

39 Meow the Secret Boy - if you ever wanted to bang a cat, this drama is for you. Not being a furry, however...

38 Do Do Sol Sol La Sol - I lost braincells just typing out this title.

37 When I Was the Most Beautiful - the only way it’s not the dumbest, most pointless melo of 2020 is because Born Again considerately came out the same year.

36 Woman of 9.9 Billion - if you want to watch an artsy French movie about miserable people, but only badly made, boy do I have a drama for you.

35 Lies after Lies - screams after screams.

34 Backstreet Rookie - people were up in arms about various problematic plots. I am a survivor of many plots much more problematic but even I couldn’t survive how utterly boring and annoying this drama was and how utterly irritating the leads were. This has taken Ji Chang Wook off my top favorites into “should I even check his latest Lovestruck in the City? Probably not” territory almost single-handedly (Melt Me helped, to be fair.)

33 Men Are Men - boring is boring.

32 Dinner Mate - two beautiful boring people eat out a lot.

31 Was It Love - no it wasn’t.

30 Alice - Joo Won in the shower can make up for a multitude of sins but not plot nonsense of such magnitude. When you find yourself thinking it would be better if he hooked up with the alternate universe version of his mother because at least then something entertaining would happen, you know it’s bad.

29 More than Friends - started out OK, then made me hate basically everyone and kept going.

28 Start-Up - honestly, it’s probably more decent than its place here, but the toxic and batshit fandom for it (the worst this year) made me feel like breaking out in hives any time it’s even mentioned.

27 The Spies who Loved Me - how to take a good cast and waste it.

26 Private Lives - it was good but it never took off with its concept and spent more time on the incoherent plot than the OTP which was its one strength. It’s a decent drama but coming after Heartless City and My Beautiful Bride from the same writer, it’s a disappointment.

25 Record of Youth - as high as it is due to Park Bo Gum hard carrying this entire awful drama on his shoulders and doing it so well I finished it. Alas, while he is in one drama (and that drama is great), the rest of the characters and the entirety of the script are a pointless useless mess.

24 Do You Like Brahms - excellent first third, mediocre middle, and terrible last third. I don’t know what musical term applies to this? Diminuendo, I think.

23 I’ll Go to You When the Weather is Nice - nice and mellow but nothing much happens.

22 Forest - mainly for Park Hae Jin’s excellent and frequently naked bod.

21 The Ballot - I didn’t love it as much as everyone did but it was well-made.

20 Hyena - more romance and less weird law stuff would make it better.

19 365 Repeat the Year - surprisingly solid.

18 The Game Towards Zero - see 365.

17 When My Love Blooms - very old fashioned, very lovely.

16 Chocolate - also very old fashioned and very lovely but also with Yoon Kye Sang performing medical procedures bleeding and shirtless. MMM.

15 (tie) Secret Royal Inspector - a fun if run of the mill sageuk.

15 Find Me In Your Memory - best melo this year.

14 Mystic Pop Up Bar - surprisingly good even though I wasn’t planning to check it out.

13 Where Your Eyes Linger - came out of nowhere but was tender and hopeful and lovely.

12 Itaewon Class - Park Seo Joon hard carries a drama that is already excellent. Love it.

11 Psychopath Diary - Yoon Shi Yoon is such a treat in a hilarious, cynical, dark comedy.

10 Kairos - more like ouroboros.

9 Queen Love and War - in a year where sageuks are very rare, this was solid and surprisingly moving and shippy.

8 The King Eternal Monarch - people didn’t like it but I did. It’s no masterpiece and both the leads and the writers have better dramas, but it was a lovely romantic fairy tale for me.

7 Mr. Queen - sharp, hilarious, and some of my favorite actors.

6 Psycho But It’s OK - healing, sharp cinematography and even sharper chemistry.

5 Crash Landing on You - the last ep pissed me off so much this drama is dead to me but I loved it so much until then I can’t place it lower in good conscience.

4 Train - who knew I would go this hard for an OCN drama or that OCN would do romance so well? But this time-travel mystery romance is just incredible and I shipped the OTP and rooted for the characters and loved every last bit of it.

3 Run On - this is the drama Record of Youth wanted to be but failed. Smart and lived in, you feel like you are peeking at real people, but also even four episodes in, I am so invested in the main characters separately and together, and care for them so much, it’s a little frightening.

1 (tie) Tale of the Nine Tailed - my perfect fantasy romance. I liked it better than Goblin, yeah I said it.

1 Flower of Evil - all the tropes I love in one incredible package. I would rewatch episodes waiting for new ones trying to puzzle the story and to stay withdrawal but it works just as well on rewatch. Lee Jun Ki brings his trademark tortured intensity and for once, both his leading lady and his script back him up and are worthy of that. It’s perfect.

FAVORITE DRAMA

It’s a tie between Tale of the Nine Tailed and Flower of Evil but if I had to pick just one, FoE, because it had me seriously obsessed and guessing about the protagonist and gave me the narrative tropes I love so much and an OTP that statisfied all my hurt/comfort kinks and then some.

WORST DRAMA

Born Again - honestly, this is so bonkers it almost becomes good but alas...

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Do Hyun Soo/Baek Hee Sung, Flower of Evil - he is so messed up, so on edge, so traumatized. Yet capable of so much warmth and caring even as he himself doesn’t realize his humanity. FoE is basically a story of a man pushed and punished by the world for his entire life who, because of one woman, finds a safe place and peace and slowly comes to life without realizing it, and watching his desperation to keep this small bit of normalcy is so heartbreaking and exciting all at once. Plus, you start the drama thinking he’s a psychopathic serial killer and end it (if you are me) thinking he must be protected at all costs and if anyone even looks at him wrong they must suffer, and that’s quite a change!

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Nam Ji Ah, Tale of the Nine Tailed - she is so funny and tough and smart and loving and amazing that I will totally buy that a literal demi-god will do anything and everything for her and love her for literal eternity.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Dad in Record of Youth - yes in a year with serial killers and supernatural demons, I picked a normal character from a mediocre drama. It’s his everyday awfulness to his family that hits so hard and I am sad he never got his comeuppance.

FAVORITE SHIP

Ji Ah x Yeon - a fearless reporter and an immortal demi-god who’s been hoping for his human beloved to reincarnate. A really rare set-up where the OTP is equally ride or die, so compatible and completely BAMF. I got why he waited for her for that long and then fell in love with her all over again. Perfection.

Runner up: Flower of Evil - he is so messed up he literally does not believe he is capable of love or empathy, but he falls in love with her anyway and so utterly she permeates his entire life. She is tough as nails and only believes what she sees and is the sole person who believes in him against the world. She loves him but he needs her. She needs him but he loves her. They are amazing.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Seo Dan x Gu Seung Jun, Crash Landing on You, North Korean x Conman were so good I shipped them harder than the main OTP and the end of that storyline pissed me off so much I dumped the drama and didn’t finish it for months (and it’s still dead to me.)

NOTP

Record of Youth - it started out and they didn’t have much chemistry but the dialogues were interesting and I thought the chemistry would grow. It didn’t and deteriorated, their dialogues became boring and relationship had zero development (about as much as the supposed female lead.) I think we were supposed to feel bad they broke up and they were going for a bittersweet open ending, instead I found myself happy about the break up of two incompatible, chemistry-less people and hoping for the love of God they never get back together.

FAVORITE SCENE

Yeon and the bridge of knives, Tale of the Nine Tailed - Yeon choosing to undergo the creeptastic bridge of knives for a chance to save Ji Ah, who at that point he is not aware is the reincarnation of his Joseon love because, as he says, he doesn’t care if she is or isn’t, it just would be more horrible to have her die than to undergo the horrific torture he is undergoing, and then the sequence with his catching her, her weeping over him and the fact that she is the original Joseon girl revealed and all the bandaging and his watching her sleep and all that loveliness, is everything for yours truly.

Runner up: Hyun Soo having that break-down at the cliff at the end of ep 15 of Flower of Evil as Ji Won desperately tries to convince him she is alive and he finally stumbles to her.

Runner runner up (it’s my list, I will do what I want): Do Won preparing to blow his brains out to give a chance to Seo Kyung to live in Train.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Seon-Gyeom, Run On. Yeah, I know. Im Siwan is tiny, delicate featured and has a runner’s build, none of which are things that normally appeal to me. But his character is so odd, so honest, so unflinching in pursuing what he thinks is right, so incapable of self-pity despite plenty of reasons for it, and so ridiculously attractive when he smiles, I don’t even care.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Kim Bum, TotNT - I started out being annoyed by him and ended up looking forward to his scenes and being distraught by his ending.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Honestly, none. I was fine with all the endings. I wouldn’t mind seeing post-end life of Tale of the Nine Tailed characters or the OTP settling into their literal new world in Train, but I am good.

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Time jump that solves all the problems off screen or alternatively years pass and everyone is frozen - something that kdramas need to learn and need to learn badly. See Record of Youth, Brahms and Start Up.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Men who are ride or die for their OTP - this was a great year for this - the male leads of four of my five dramas were beyond anything on that scale (only exception is Run On because it’s still too early to tell there.) Yes PLEASE.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

This was a banner year for that what with Start Up, Do You Like Brahms, Record of Youth, and Private Lives all starting out well and nosediving off the cliff but winner is Crash Landing on You. I loved it so much for bulk of its run but the last episode pissed me off so much I deleted all my files and called it a day.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

Flower of Evil - I had no expectations of this drama and wasn’t even planning on watching it despite liking both the lead actors because yet another “look at evil serial killer be evil” drama with no romance was not my thing. Luckily someone convinced me there might be some romance and I peeked curiously. Honestly, their promo campaign was the most misleading and dumbest thing ever.

Runner up Psycho but it’s OK - I have never liked Kim Soo Hyun in anything before and the drama premise seemed WTF but it was shockingly good and KSH totally blew me away.

Hardest Working Lead

Yoon Shi Yoon - he starred in two (!!!) dramas in 2020 playing three characters and not only were both these dramas awesome in a lackluster year, but if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew it was the same actor and the fact that the characters shared a face, I would have never believed that they were played by the same actor. So good!

2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time

BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020

My Beautiful Bride and Deserving of the Name - I was obsessed with both of them and honestly, they were much better than the bulk of 2020 kdramas I watched.

MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021

The Moon That Rises in the Day, Hong Chun Gi, Joseon Exorcist, Island, Frightening Cohabitation, Snowdrop.

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oh-ranpo · 4 years ago

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best day ever checklist.

Pairing: Owen Joyner x reader word count: 7.6k+ an: I originally posted this on a different blog but I’m moving it here! for the sake of this, pretend he’s living in LA again lmao other than that, this is just pure cuteness that I dreamed up : ) let me know what you think!

You really should have known better. Falling in love with your best friend was a disaster waiting to happen. It was the storyline to so many romantic comedies, but honestly, in the real world, things didn’t quite work out the way they did in the movies. Sure, it was a nice thought, but experience had told you that it wasn’t real. It was like fairytales and pixie dust. Things like that just didn’t exist.

So, why would you do this to yourself? It wasn’t like you had done it on purpose, but it wasn’t like you tried to stop it either. The way you fell for him stemmed from a culmination of things. From laughing at his jokes, to laying your head in his lap while you watched movies. From late night drives around the city, to pulling pranks on your grouchy old neighbors that undoubtedly hated your guts. You and Owen were two peas in a pod, and you enjoyed his company more than anything else. However, you couldn’t have him in the way you wanted, and that point was made glaringly obvious when you saw the shared post on his Instagram story that morning.

She was pretty, you couldn’t deny that. Lush blonde hair, perfect eyebrows, and a bright smile almost as captivating as the boy in the picture with her. Almost. You couldn’t stop staring and your stomach wouldn’t stop rolling as you tried to place where you had seen her before. She didn’t look familiar, but if Owen was posting pictures with her, you had to have met her before. Unless he had been hiding her from you. But that was so very un-Owen-like that you knew that wasn’t the case. Her name on her Instagram handle didn’t ring any bells so maybe you had purposely blocked her existence out of your mind because you didn’t want to feel like you did right now. A whole lot of good that did you.

You eventually shoved your phone as far away from you as you could as you laid your head back down on your pillow in defeat. You hated this. You knew that you shouldn’t allow yourself to feel this much sadness over something that really had nothing to do with you, but you couldn’t help it. Your heart ached as you thought about the part of him that this new girl was getting to have, and you pushed your face deeper into the pillow as you let out a low groan.

After a few minutes of wallowing, you finally pulled yourself from your bed and started getting ready for the day. You originally had plans to hang out with Owen and some of his friends, but now you were wondering if that was such a good idea. Would she be there? Would you have to pretend that you were happy all day while you watched the two of them fawn all over each other? It sounded like a terrible idea, but you also knew, deep down, that you couldn’t cancel. You couldn’t let your best friend down just because you had caught feelings. No, you were better than that.

You were just finishing up with your hair when you heard Owen’s ringtone sound from the other room. You had forgotten your phone on your bed, and you hurried back to your bedroom to grab it, swiping accept on his call on the fourth ring.

“Hello?”

“Open your door, I’m outside,” Owen ordered, though you could hear the smile in his voice. You rolled your eyes, though he couldn’t see it, and turned to make your way to the front door.

“Do you have breakfast?” you asked, and Owen scoffed on the other end of the line.

“I know better than to show up at YN YLN’s house in the morning empty-handed,” he replied, and a bright smile spread across your lips as you lifted your hand to release the lock on your door, your hand then falling to the knob to pull it open.

As soon as your eyes met his, he lowered his phone from his ear and held out the brown bag in his other hand.

“For you,” he smiled, and your heart jumped in your chest. You happily took the bag from his hand and then stepped to the side so that he could enter your apartment.

He wasn’t wearing anything extravagant, but he still had a way of stealing your attention with the simplest of outfits. Today, it was a plain white crewneck sweatshirt, a pair of black jeans, and his favorite black baseball cap sitting backwards on his head covering up his soft blonde hair. It had gotten longer recently, and he had yet to cut it, which personally, you were grateful for.

You sighed happily as you peaked into the bag before shutting your front door, seeing that he remembered to get your favorite breakfast sandwich as well as an extra serving of hash browns. You turned to thank him, only to see that he had already made his way to the kitchen, and you quickly followed behind him.

“So, what’s the plan for today?” you asked, as he took a seat on one of the barstools at your counter. He looked up at you as he shrugged, his elbows leaning against the edge of the countertop.

“I figured we’d just hang out. You know, the usual,” he replied, and your brow furrowed slightly.

“I thought we were meeting with your friends?” you asked, and almost immediately, Owen’s cheeks turned pink.

“O-oh right. Yeah, they cancelled. Said they couldn’t come. But it’s alright that it’s just the two of us… right?” He sounded a little panicked, which was completely unlike him, as you quirked your head curiously.

“Of course, it is. Why wouldn’t it be?” Owen sat up a bit straighter as he shrugged again, but he didn’t say anything more.

Instead of focusing on his weirdness, you went back to unwrapping the breakfast that he had brought for you, and you moved to take the seat next to him after grabbing a glass of water. You hummed happily as you took the first bite, and when Owen looked over at you, you gave him a tight-lipped smile. He just laughed and shook his head in response.

If you were being honest, you had already forgotten about the Instagram photo. You had forgotten all about the pretty blonde girl and who she could be, because right now, it was just you and Owen. It didn’t matter if there were other people around, and a lot of the time, you liked it better this way. It was like this so often, it was second-nature at this point. It was easy.

“Actually, I was thinking that we could go for a drive,” Owen spoke as he noticed that you were almost finished with your breakfast. You nodded eagerly, excited for a day of just listening to music and driving around the city, one of your favorite ways to spend time with your best friend. In the confines of his car, it was easier to pretend like the two of you were the only ones in the world, and you didn’t have to share his attention with anyone else.

As this thought passed through your mind, you realized just how selfish that was, but you also couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

Once you were completely finished, you threw your trash away and then moved back towards your front door to grab your shoes. Owen was quick to follow you as he grabbed your keys from the table just inside the door, and you smiled gratefully at him when he handed them to you.

The two of you talked a bit as you made your way down to his car, and you were a little surprised to see some bags sitting in his backseat.

“What’s all of that?” you asked, as you pulled open the passenger’s side door and climbed into your seat. Your head turned to look over your shoulder to see what the bags could contain, but Owen had used double bags and even tied the top of them together so that you couldn’t see inside.

“Don’t worry about those,” he murmured, and when you looked over at him questioningly, he avoided your gaze. For a moment, he was back to acting weird, and you still hadn’t figured out why.

“Ooookay,” you replied dramatically before resting against the back of the seat, your eyes peering outwards across the hood of the car. You could feel that Owen was hiding something from you, and you had no good guesses as to what it could be.

But then you remembered his Instagram story.

You tried to pretend like you were just quietly looking out the window, but when Owen started to pull out of the parking lot to your complex, he noticed your sudden silence.

“Are you alright?” he asked, his gazing fixing on you for a minute before pulling out onto the main street. “You’ve been weirdly quiet this morning.”

You should have known that Owen would notice. Owen noticed pretty much everything when it came to you. Well, aside from you being hopelessly in love with him, anyways. While you thought he was acting strange, he was thinking the same thing about you. The irony almost made you laugh.

“And you keep dodging my questions,” you retorted sassily, and you saw his face flush once again. This was not the drive that you had been expecting or hoping for, and you couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed as you turned back to stare out the window. The music that was playing through the stereo of Owen’s car was the only sound that could be heard as a heavy silence fell over the two of you.

“I swear the bags will make sense later,” Owen offered a few minutes later, finally breaking the tension that had filled the air. It wasn’t like the two of you to argue, and you knew that if you hadn’t seen his story earlier that day, you wouldn’t be reacting to his passive response in this way.

You looked over at him, and when he felt your eyes on him, he glanced over again as he flashed you a small smile.

“I promise.”

You knew that you were being silly getting so worked up over it all, and you took a deep breath as you were ready to expel it away. You didn’t want your day to be ruined just because you couldn’t contain your feelings, and with one last shake of your head in attempt to loosen the grip of the thought from your mind, you smiled back at your best friend.

“I’m sorry, you don’t… you don’t have to explain it,” you sighed, and Owen glanced over at you again as he came to a stop at a red light.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, seemingly sensing that there was something else that you weren’t saying. If you weren’t upset with him about his avoidance of wanting to talk about the materials in the back of the car, he wasn’t sure what could have been causing your rapid shift in mood.

“No,” you answered quickly, maybe a little too quickly, before reaching for the volume control of the radio. “Besides, this is my favorite song. I can’t feel bad during my favorite song.” Owen didn’t miss the way that you admitted to feeling bad in the first place, but he knew that this was indeed your favorite song, and he wasn’t about to ruin it for you.

The two of you sang together for a little while, and by the end of the fifth song, you had caught on to the direction that he was driving. At first, you thought that he had just been aimlessly driving through the streets of L.A., but then you realized that he was indeed heading in a particular direction.

“Are we going to the beach?” you asked excitedly, turning the radio volume down once again just as Owen was in the middle of belting out the bridge to the song that was playing.

“Excuse me, you threw off my rhythm,” he huffed playfully, and you rolled your eyes.

“You didn’t tell me we were going to the beach! I didn’t bring anything with me!” you cried indignantly, though you weren’t really that upset. The beach was your favorite place, and despite whether you were dressed appropriately or not, you knew that you were going to have a good time.

“If I told you it would ruin the surprise,” he murmured under his breath, and when you asked him to repeat himself, he just shook his head. It was just another strange behavior from him to add to the day, but now you were too happy about your ending destination to even think about being upset.

You fell into a comfortable silence as you tapped your feet to the rhythm of the songs on the radio, your eyes watching as the familiar scenery leading up to your favorite place passed by outside of the car window. Owen didn’t seem to feel the need to fill the silence, but that wasn’t uncommon either. You were so comfortable with one another, you didn’t have to be talking the entire time to enjoy the time you spent together.

About fifteen minutes later, Owen was pulling into a parking spot, and you were just about to jump out when he reached over to stop you.

“I need you to stay in the car,” he said as his bright blue eyes met yours. Confusion washed over you as your hand that had just reached for the door handle fell back into your lap.

“But… why?” you asked, as you searched his face for any kind of expression giveaways that you might find there. You were sure, once again, that he was hiding something from you, but you didn’t really know how to feel about it.

“Just trust me, please? I just… you have to promise that you won’t leave this car until I come back for you.” His words were earnest, and you could see the pleading in his expression as he spoke them. He looked nervous for a guy that was just hanging out with his best friend, and you were dying to know why.

“Owen, what-“ you started, but his hand gently squeezed your arm, and the rest of your words died on your lips.

“Promise me.”

You felt your heart sink to your stomach as you tried to put two-and-two together. He had brought you to the beach but hadn’t even given you a heads up about it so that you could prepare. Were you actually going to be staying at the beach or was this just the first stop of the day? And why didn’t he want you to get out with him? Was he meeting someone else here? Was he meeting her?

Regardless of how nauseous the thought made you, you knew that you had to do as he asked. No matter what, he was still your best friend and you trusted him until he gave you a logical reason not to. So, instead of protesting more, you slowly nodded, and Owen flashed you a smile before quickly turning away to open his own car door. You watched as he stepped towards the backseat, and then pulled its door open so that he could grab one of the bags. There were three of them, and you were a bit surprised that he only took one, but then again, you had no idea what they were for anyways. Maybe he was making deliveries.

He moved quickly as he shut the backdoor and then hurried in the direction of the beach. He disappeared around the corner of one of the buildings that housed bathrooms and outdoor showers so that you could no longer see what he was doing. Somehow, this made the sinking feeling in your chest even worse.

You tried to push away the thoughts of the pretty blonde girl, but you couldn’t help it. While you waited, you pulled out your phone, and while you knew that you shouldn’t, you pulled up Owen’s Instagram story again. The picture was still there, and you let out a heavy sigh as you clicked on the picture to take you to her profile. If you were going to hurt yourself, you figured that you might as well go all the way.

Your breath caught in your throat when you saw that the picture in Owen’s story was the most recent picture she had posted. You clicked on the picture to see the caption, and you were a little disappointed to see that it was just a simple sun emoji. There was no giveaway to what kind of relationship they had, and as far as you could tell, it was the only picture she had of the two of them together. So, what were they?

By the time you closed the app, there was a sizable pit that had formed in your stomach and you leaned your head back against the headrest of the passenger’s seat. It had been about ten minutes now since Owen had disappeared and you were starting to grow concerned on when he might return. The longer he was gone, the more your doubts started to build. He had said when he was in your apartment that it was just going to be the two of you, so what was taking so long?

It was another ten minutes before you saw him round the corner again, heading back in your direction. He had his hands shoved in his pockets, and his eyes were focused on the ground in front of him. Your heart stuttered in your chest, much like it always did when you saw him, and when he lifted his gaze to meet yours through the windshield of his car, butterflies erupted in your stomach. He stuck his tongue out at you teasingly, and much to your surprise, instead of walking over to his side of the car, he came to a stop outside of your door before pulling it open.

“Let’s go.” It wasn’t a question, and while you had previously convinced yourself that this wasn’t a stop you were meant to get out at, you jumped at the opportunity. You quickly unbuckled your seatbelt, and Owen held out his hand for you to take as he helped you to your feet.

“Seriously, what is going on?” you asked as Owen dropped your hand and closed the car door behind you. There was an odd look on his face now, though he was trying to hide it with a smile.

“I’m going to show you, calm down,” he teased, as he shoved his hands back into his pockets and led you in the direction that he had just come from. You bumped his shoulder as you walked, and he pulled his hand out of his pocket so that he could wrap his arm around you, pulling you into his side. He ruffled your hair slightly, causing you to protest through a fit of giggles, but you didn’t move to pull away. Once again, you had your easy-going best friend back in a position that was so common it was second-nature.

You were so caught up in the sudden playfulness, that you almost didn’t see the set up in front of you. You didn’t see the white volleyball sitting next to one of the beach’s sand volleyball courts, and you didn’t see the basket with a small blanket laid out underneath. It wasn’t until Owen pulled you to a stop and finally dropped his arm back to his side, that you seemed to notice what was going on outside of him.

“What… what is this?” you asked, as you looked from the little set-up and then back to your best friend. He was rubbing the back of his neck nervously, but then gestured towards the paper that was sitting on the small blanket- something that you hadn’t noticed was there just a moment ago.

“If you read that, it might explain it.”

You didn’t completely understand why he couldn’t just tell you, but you were curious enough that you did what he said. When you leaned down next to the basket, you saw two of yours and Owen’s favorite sports drinks and a change of clothes for you. You looked up at him briefly, but he nodded for you to read the letter, and you sighed as you picked up the piece of paper.

Welcome to the best day ever! It read. The first stop on our adventure today is partaking in one of our favorite beach activities: volleyball! While this is stop number one, there will be a total of three stops that will take place throughout the day. If at any point you want to stop and go home… well too bad! Ha, just kidding : ) but seriously… change into the volleyball clothes I brought and prepare yourself for a wild and crazy day.

You didn’t understand. You had no idea why he was doing this. It wasn’t your birthday and you were sure that it wasn’t any kind of special day regarding your friendship. When you looked up at him again, he had slipped off his hat so that he could remove his crewneck to show that he was wearing a tank top underneath it. You swallowed hard as you tried your hardest to keep your gaze fixed above his neck, and when he looked back at you, you raised the paper questioningly.

“This doesn’t explain anything,” you said, and Owen laughed as he leaned down next to you.

“Sure it does. It tells you exactly what we’re doing, and what you need to do. So, take those clothes, head over to those bathrooms over there, and let’s get this day started!”

You gave him another pointed look before looking down at the clothes that he was talking about. They definitely weren’t yours, and for a second, your heart stopped. Did these belong to the other girl? Surely he wasn’t crazy enough to borrow something from her for you to wear… would he? He could be kind of clueless sometimes, and if you really thought about it, you might have believed it. But then, you went to pick them up and saw that they still had tags on them, and you knew that they had been recently purchased.

“How did you know my size?” You asked, as you looked over the tank top and the shorts. You were going to poke fun at him over the fact that the tank top said ‘Julie and the Phantoms’ across the front of it, but you had bigger questions that you needed answers to in that moment.

“You’ve been my best friend forever, YN. You think I haven’t caught on to something like that?” He teased, and you rolled your eyes. Then, another thought occurred to you.

“Not all of this stuff should have fit in that bag from earlier. How… how did you get this stuff here?” Your eyes met Owen’s, and there was a soft look in his eye despite another faint blush flowing across his cheeks.

“You sure ask a lot of questions when I’m just trying to do something nice for you. Could you just go change so that I can beat you at volleyball like I always do?” You scoffed this time as you grabbed the new outfit and rose to your feet.

“You wish, Joyner,” you huffed, and Owen laughed as you turned to head to the nearest bathroom building. You weren’t overly fond of the idea of changing in a public bathroom like this one, but you were also eager to get back to him, so you didn’t waste any more time.

The clothes fit perfectly, and as soon as you stepped back out onto the beach, your mind started working itself into overdrive again. Owen had arranged ‘the best day ever’ for you, and you still had no idea why. By all accounts, you felt like you weren’t the person this should have been meant for, considering the social media post in the past 24 hours. You had no idea what was going on, and you wanted to ask him about it, but he seemed prepared to derail the conversation at a moment’s notice and you weren’t sure that you would get the answer you were looking for.

When you returned to him, he was sitting on the edge of the blanket, his phone in his hand as he looked up at you. A bright smile spread across his lips as you threw your previous outfit on the blanket next to the basket, and you bent over to grab the volleyball.

“Well, shall we battle?” You asked, a teasing lilt in your voice as Owen pulled himself to his feet.

“You’re on, YLN.”

You ended up winning 21 to 16, much to Owen’s disappointment. Or, at least you assumed he was disappointed though he never truly showed it. You knew that he was competitive, but he didn’t seem bitter in the slightest, though you made it no secret that you were happy that you had won.

“Man, if this day is filled with more activities that I can kick your butt at, this really will be the best day ever,” you laughed as you made your way back to the blanket, and when you glanced over at him, Owen rolled his eyes.

“The sun… was distracting me,” he replied weakly, and you playfully shoved his shoulder.

“Just admit it, I beat you, fair and square.”

“I would never do such a thing.”

You reached down to grab the drinks that Owen had brought out of the small basket, and handed the one that you knew he had picked out for himself before twisting the cap off of yours.

“Thanks for this, by the way. My favorite flavor and everything,” you grinned just before taking a long drink. The California sun had been beating down on your for the past hour or so, and you were parched.

“I know it is,” Owen replied gently before taking a drink of his own. It was the little comments like that that were throwing you off because he wasn’t saying them loud enough for you to think that you were meant to hear them, but he also didn’t say them quiet enough that you couldn’t make out the words. For now, you decided to ignore them in hopes that maybe something in the next two stops would help you understand.

“So, where are we off to next?” You asked, as Owen flopped down onto the blanket and you settled yourself down next to him. He looked over at you, his baseball cap now sitting next to him as he carded his fingers through his hair.

“You really don’t want any of this to be a surprise, do you?” He asked, a smile in his voice as you shrugged before taking another sip of your drink.

“I just know you aren’t good at keeping secrets, and I don’t like not knowing what’s going on in that head of yours,” you replied honestly, and you watched as another unknown look crossed his face. He was quiet for a minute, but then he turned his eyes to look back out over the sand.

“Well, whenever you get changed, if you want to, we can head out.”

Your heart jumped in your chest as you reached over to grab the clothes that you had been wearing when you arrived, and you ran back over to the changing rooms. You glanced over your shoulder as you walked, and you just about stumbled over yourself when you saw that Owen had slipped off his tank top and was just sitting on the blanket, shirtless, with his crewneck in his hands. He was looking at something in his lap, you assumed his phone, and you had to tear your gaze away from him before he caught you looking.

You really had to pull yourself together.

You changed a little bit slower this time, and you didn’t allow your thoughts to drift. This day was confusing enough, and you had overthought everything to the point that none of it made any sense. Maybe it was simple. This was just a nice day that your best friend had planned for you. He wanted to make you smile, that was it.

By the time you returned back to his side, Owen had already cleaned everything up, and had it stuffed back in the two bags that he had previously had wrapped inside of each other.

“You ready?” He asked with another bright smile, and you nodded as you followed him back to the car. It was a short trip to the beach, but it was a nice one, and you made sure to thank him as you were walking.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he replied as he glanced over at you. “It’s just something that I wanted to do.” You wanted to ask him why but once again, you refrained, and just climbed into the passenger’s seat of his car with a soft smile on your face.

Your next stop turned out to be a nice lunch at your favorite restaurant. It had been ages since you had come here, especially with Owen, and you could feel the excitement rising inside you. You had been craving it for weeks, and you were sure the only reason he had brought you here was because he had gotten sick of hearing you complain about how much you missed it.

“Before we go in,” Owen started, his hand reaching out to stop you again as you reached for the handle of the car door. Like at the beach, you looked back over at him, but he was already digging into the backseat for one of the other bags. When he finally came back to the front of the car, he handed you the bag, but started pulling some of the contents out of it.

“Owen, what are we-“ Before you could even finish the sentence, Alex was swiping his baseball cap off his head and quickly replacing it with a black top hat that he had pulled out of the bag. It was soon followed by a monocle, and he also produced the red silk that you knew was one of his bowties.

You had already started laughing, but when you saw the rest of the contents of the bag, you really couldn’t stop. There was a big, black floppy hat, a pair of oversized sunglasses, and a bright red dress that you had never seen before.

“So, you’re going to have to somehow sneak this in so you can change in the bathroom but… fancy lunch date, anyone?” Alex asked, his voice light as you finally managed to look back up at him. There were tears building in your eyes over how much you were laughing, and you couldn’t help but think that he was the most ridiculous person that you had ever met. And you were lucky enough to call him your best friend.

“You’re a crazy person,” you giggled, and Owen shrugged as he turned to flip down his rearview mirror so that he could work his bow tie. “Why didn’t you just have me put this one at the beach?” The question caused him to freeze, and you knew immediately that he hadn’t thought of that.

“It’s more fun this way,” he reasoned, and you rolled your eyes as you wrapped your hand tightly around the handles of the bag and then reached for the car door once again.

“I’ll meet you in there then?” You asked, and Owen nodded, his attention focused on the task at hand.

You felt a little nervous as you walked inside and moved past the host to head to the bathroom. When you came out, you weren’t going to look like the same person at all, and you found yourself wishing more and more that Owen had asked you to do this before you left the beach. Then again, the embarrassment was half the fun and you knew that was why he had planned this.

After doing something competitive, he wanted to do something silly. It was part of the great balance of your friendship, and you appreciated the change of pace. You loved the way your heart was pounding when you stepped back out of the bathroom, now completely unrecognizable to anyone but the person you came with, and one quick glance around, you could see the top hat through the window leading to the patio area, and you chuckled before heading in that direction.

The top hat, monocle and bow tie didn’t exactly go with his crewneck, but Owen was sporting it confidently. You saw a few people glance over at him questioningly, and when you slid into the seat across from him, you earned a few looks yourself.

“You look dashing,” Owen cooed in a fake British accent, and you laughed into your hand as you tried to keep yourself quiet.

“You look pretty dapper yourself,” you managed to get out before erupting in another fit of giggles, and Owen started laughing with you. It was ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous, but you were both having too much fun.

You took your time while you ordered, and Owen managed to keep up his fake British accent through the entire event. You were sure that the waiter didn’t believe for a second that he was from anywhere outside of America, but he was kind enough to keep his judgements to himself. You lost yourself in your little made-up world with him, and even tried out an accent of your own. It didn’t work out.

“Are there anymore random outfits to this day?” You asked a couple of hours later after Owen had paid (you had tried to pay for yourself, but he had managed to coerce the waiter to pretend like your credit card wasn’t sitting on the table next to his) and you were walking back out to his car.

“No, I promise that the clothes you had on this morning will be fine.” While Owen was waiting for the waiter to bring his card back, you had gone back to the bathroom to change back into your regular clothes. A few of the patrons were once again surprised at your change in attire, but just like you had managed to do all afternoon, you ignored them.

Once you got into the car, Owen informed you that the last event wasn’t until later in the evening, so driving around the city was the time-filler activity until then. You weren’t about to complain. After playing volleyball in the sun and then having a nice, filling lunch, you were a little tired and could use the break.

Somewhere in the first half of your day, while you were getting swept away in Owen’s activities, your stomach had started turning over itself every time Owen looked at you. It was something that had been happening more and more frequently when he was around, but now it was becoming more noticeable. His smile would cause an involuntary one to turn up your lips. His laugh would cause your heart to thunder in your chest, and sometimes his hand would brush yours as you both reached for the volume dial when a particularly good song came on, and you would have to refrain from jerking away, feeling electricity spread up your arm at the contact.

He was your best friend, but he was alarmingly more than that now. You wondered if he had any idea what kind of fire he was playing with setting up a day like this for the two of you to enjoy together.

In the midst of driving around to pass the time, Owen would stop at some of the stores he knew to be your favorites, and you would walk around for a bit. It was nice and relaxed and exactly how you would normally spend a quiet afternoon together. You knew that there was still more to this day that he had planned, but if it were to end at that moment, you would have been content.

When the sun started to set, you were informed that it was time for your next, and last, activity. By now, you didn’t really care what it was, because even without it, Owen had given you the best day imaginable. You didn’t even stare out the window to try to figure out where you were going. Instead, you turned up the music and sang One Direction songs to Owen while he sang them back to you. It was perfect.

It had been a long time since you had been to a movie under the stars, but when Owen finally put the car in park, you realized that was exactly what his final plan was. When you saw the sign and realized that it was for your all time favorite movie, the first thought you had was why you didn’t know that it was playing here. The second thought was how sweet and amazing your best friend was for bringing you here so that you could see it.

He didn’t try to stop you now as he quickly got out of the car and then moved to the backseat to grab the last bag. When you moved to join him, he took your hand without immediately dropping it - something that he hadn’t purposely done all day, though he had many times before - before leading you over to an empty patch of grass that was right in the middle of the viewing area. You had a perfect view of the screen, but you weren’t paying as much attention to that now. No, you were too busy watching the boy that you were with.

Owen eventually dropped your hand as he started going through the contents of the new, and last bag. There was a rolled up blanket, a hoody that you recognized as his, some snacks, and a couple bottles of water. Everything you needed for a night like this. You could feel the emotion start to overwhelm you.

He didn’t say a word as he laid out the blanket and then handed you the spare hoody.

“In case you get cold,” he murmured when you gave him a questioning look. Your heart stuttered in response, but you didn’t offer him a verbal one. You watched as he slipped his baseball hat off again, his hands pushing nervously through his hair before he finally looked back over at you.

“Seriously, Owen, what’s going on?” The lightness your voice was gone, and it was replaced with concern. Your best friend was nice and wonderful and all great things, but he didn’t do things like this without a reason. Was he sick? Was he leaving? All negative thoughts filled your mind and you immediately felt like you could cry.

“YN, there isn’t anything-“

“Is it because of her?” You cut off before you could stop the words from flying out of your mouth. You hated that you brought it up. You had managed to push her out of your mind for the last few hours, but now that you were faced with such uncertainty, it was the first place your mind went. Owen only looked confused.

“Her? Her who?” He asked as his hand dropped back down to his side, and your gaze fell to the blanket on the ground. You knew now that you had brought her up, you were going to have to face the truth of it all.

“I saw your Instagram story this morning with Serena. She’s… she’s really pretty, but I just had no idea-“

“No idea?” Owen asked, his voice still heavy with confusion. “No idea about what, YN?”

You squeezed your eyes shut as you felt tears start to build behind them. You wished that the night had ended after your Target run an hour ago. You wished that you didn’t have to deal with this on your ‘best day ever’.

“I had no idea that you were seeing someone.”

Despite being outside and surrounded by people, an eery silence fell over you. Owen wasn’t quick to reply, and the more seconds that ticked by, the more heartbroken you became. Maybe you would need to call an Uber to save you from this night.

“Y-you think… YN, Serena and I are not dating,” he finally managed to stutter a few seconds later. It felt like an eternity, but his words finally gave you the little bit of courage you needed to look back up at him.

In the setting sun, Owen’s eyes looked bluer than you had ever seen them, and your breath caught in your throat. Whatever shock he had been feeling from your words seemed to be fading as panic started to settle on his features.

“Oh my god, you really thought… oh, no, YN. No, no, no, that’s not what you were supposed to think at all!” Your brows furrowed as you stared up at him, but he had started to pace a bit in front of you, making you feel even more on edge. “Have you been feeling that way all day?” You nodded in response to the question, and Owen groaned as he slid his fingers through his hair.

“Owen, please explain to me what the hell is happening,” you insisted, and while you had hoped that he would stop moving, he didn’t.

“Serena- she’s a friend. She’s someone that I met while filming and we… I’ll admit, I guess when I shared it, I was hoping that it would make you a little jealous, but I didn’t think-“

Another wave of confusion flowed over you at his words. He was trying to make you jealous?

“Wait, what do you mean, ‘you hoped it would make me jealous’?” You cut him off, a hardness forming in your voice that you hadn’t known was going to appear. Owen immediately stopped his pacing at the sound, and his wide eyes stared worried back at you.

“It’s not… okay, yes. But it’s not like I wanted it to like, ruin your day or anything. I just… in hindsight, it was a dumb move, I’ll admit. I had this whole day planned for weeks now, and Jeremy even helped me set up the beach thing, and-“ Owen was rambling now, and all you could do was stare back at him while he worked through it. “- well he told me that I should just tell you that I liked you instead of feeling like I needed to do this big gesture, but it isn’t that easy, you know?” He had started pacing now, but you hadn’t missed his words. The blood rushed through your ears, and the world felt like it shifted a bit as they hit your eardrums.

I should just tell you that I liked you.

“You’re my best friend, and I-“

“Owen.”

“-saying something like that has the power to ruin things and I couldn’t stand-“

“Owen.”

“-I mean, I don’t even know if you feel the same way, and if this was all for nothing that’s fine, I just don’t want you to think I lied to you-“

“OWEN!”

Finally, you managed to grab his attention as he slowed to a stop and you were able to step towards him. The expression on his face was a mixture of wild panic and confusion, and you smiled a bit at how cute it was.

“Would you just shut up and kiss me already?”

It was a bold move, and it seemed to take Owen by surprise a little bit as he didn’t make a move for a solid five seconds after you spoke.

“You… I should what?” He asked dazedly, and you giggled as you raised onto your tiptoes, your hand gently cupping the back of his neck.

“Kiss me.” It turns out, he didn’t need to be asked twice.

His actions mirrored yours as one of his hands came up to rest just under your jaw as you leaned your body into his and he closed the distance between you. His lips were soft- softer than you had imagined they could be- and his thumb brushed against your cheek as gently pulled you closer. Lightning shot through your veins though he was the one grounding you so that you wouldn’t get shocked, and after a few seconds, you could feel him smiling against your lips.

“You should have stopped me sooner,” he murmured when he took a second to pull back.

“I don’t think that I could have, even if I tried,” you teased, just before he leaned in to kiss you again.

Kissing your best friend who you had feelings for was like seeing the Northern Lights for the first time. It was bright and beautiful and you swore you saw colors that you didn’t even know existed before. Owen had set out to make this the best day ever, and you weren't sure that he knew just how well he had exceeded at it. But, you kept kissing him, and eventually you sat down on the blanket for the movie and you kissed him more.

He was perfect, the day was perfect, and the pain you had felt that morning seeing the unknown girl on his story dissipated completely as you knew that the only person that had him in this way was you. He liked you back, and you didn’t have to second-guess it anymore. From the unannounced breakfast, to the beach, to lunch, to wandering around the city together, and now ending your night on a blanket in the park watching your favorite movie together… it was the perfect recipe for your own personal best day ever.

#Owen joyner #Owen joyner fic #Owen joyner imagine #Owen joyner story #jatp #Julie and the phantoms

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slimy-vore-bog · 3 years ago

Text

(Un)Necessary Evil

Disclaimer: all my work is meant to be non-sexual N/SF/W interaction is not appreciated

Okay, so a few warnings for this story... I try to go into the topic of the fear of death as deeply as I can. It could be way worse, but just as a warning, if you’re not ready to be reminded of death at the moment, give this story a skip.

For the more casual stuff that’s usually uncomfortable for safe vore people: this story contains mentions of hard and fatal vore, but none happen.

Oh, and as always; this is an Owl House fic.

Actually this is a rewrite of this old story that I didn’t post to tags called A Betrayal of Trust (But a Necessary Evil)

The two are very different and this is definitely a better story.

Anyway, I should probably just get onto the story... Oh wait, this story is set before s2 ep2 Escaping Expulsion. And obviously post that a lot of stuff will change, but I don’t feel like creating an entire canon divergent AU

Ao3

Word Count: 14k

***

I wonder why Amity wants to see me now… Luz stood in the market place, looking around for her friend. We’re going to meet up later anyway. She spotted the green haired witch in the distance, feeling a burst of excitement. I guess I don’t mind seeing her one more time before later today! She grinned, before she waved for her. “Hey Amity, there you were!”

Luz stopped herself, just as she was about to run towards her. Something seemed… off about her. She looked sad, as she stared back at Luz. “You are Amity, right?” Luz suddenly felt embarrassed. Please tell me I didn’t mistake some random person for Amity.

Luz didn’t know whether she should feel relieved or more worried, when her friend nodded.

Luz hesitated, before she decided to run up to her. “I almost thought you were somebody else!” She smiled brightly at her, but Amity didn’t look at her. “Um,” Luz felt a little awkward, “so, why’d you want to see me now, instead of later?”

Amity glanced up at her, before quickly looking down into her bag. “I wanted to give you something.” She fiddled around in it, seeming to get more miserable by the second. “It’s really important that you wear this later, okay?” Amity looked up into Luz’s eyes.

Luz felt a bit shocked by Amity’s seriousness about this. “Why? What do I have to wear?” Why would Amity force her to wear something? This is weird. She didn’t like feeling forced to do something.

Amity looked unsure, as she dropped the thing she was holding back in her bag. Her eyes flicked around, as she grabbed her own hand, nervously fidgeting with her fingers. “Well…” her eyes widened, as she grabbed the thing out of the bag. “Sorry, I focused on your first question!”

Luz watched, as she brought out a necklace with multiple yellow gemstones on it. “Woah!” Luz exclaimed, suddenly feeling like she had to study it closer. “Is it glowing?” The gemstones on it seemed to be giving off a dim yellow light from them. “What makes it glow? Is it a spell? Or are they magic rocks?” Luz brought her hand out to take it, before she remembered that wearing a mysterious glowing necklace sounded like a horrible idea. “But, wait, why do I have to wear it?”

Amity curled the chain around her fingers, glancing around again. “Well… uh…” she let it fall through her fingers down in her other hand, as her brow furrowed. “It’s…” she hesitated again, looking a bit more frustrated. “It’s just really important to me that you wear it, can’t you do it for me?” She held the necklace out to her.

Luz hesitated, “I don’t want to sound suspicious of you, but…” she trailed off unsurely. “It’s just…” She wrapped one of her hoodie strings around her finger. “Are you sure it’s safe? Where did you get it from?”

Amity looked even more frustrated. “I promise it’s safe, just take it already!”

She held it out to her, and Luz reluctantly took it out of her hands. “Sorry…” Luz opened the clasp, putting the necklace on, feeling a tiny jolt run through her body. Luz didn’t understand how she could feel it, or what she felt, but she was pretty sure it had to have a strong spell in it. Or Amity had a really weird and unsettling way of pranking. “I just don’t get why it’s so important.”

Amity looked away from her again. “I’m sorry too… I don’t want-” She quickly glanced over at Luz, before she turned around. “I’m just sorry…” She began walking away, before she turned to look back at Luz one more time. “See you later…”

Luz didn’t know what to do, “Uh, yeah! See you!” She lifted her hand to wave, but Amity had already turned around.

The glow of her necklace caught her attention, as she looked down to the ground. She picked up the biggest gemstone between her fingers. She had to admit; it was a pretty necklace. I wonder what makes it glow like that? She held it up to her face, watching it in awe. It’s really cool. She did a little jump out of excitement. And it wasn’t actually bad!

She suddenly felt even worse about her distrust of Amity. I’ll apologize to her again later today…

She let go of the necklace, as she turned to head back to the Owl House.

¨¨

Luz hated waiting; being patient wasn’t exactly her strong suit… But that didn’t change the fact that there were still a few hours until she could see Amity again, and she couldn’t come up with anything to do. Maybe I can talk to King for a bit? She was pretty sure she had seen him napping on the couch, but he might have woken up.

She went downstairs to check, but he hadn’t.

Luz thought about waking him up, just to make up for the times he had accidentally done it to her, whenever he unconsciously poked her with his sharp horn. But she decided that was a little too mean of her. She carefully sat down on the other side of the couch, resting her chin on her hand, tapping her foot against the floor.

I wonder where the others are? She looked around the living room, but there wasn’t anybody else in there. Strange, Lilith is normally in here… She was starting to feel a little too restless. I’ll go look around.

¨¨

She looked around the house, both inside and out, but she couldn’t find anybody anywhere. Well, except for Hooty, but she didn’t really feel like talking to him. Ever. She shook her head, not wanting to think about all the weird stuff she had seen him do, before she sat down on the couch again. Maybe King knows where they went?

She watched the tiny demon for a few moments, trying to decide if she should wake him up or not, before his fur bristled along his tail. “Stop staring at me, creep…” He mumbled, barely opening his eyes. “That’s the sixth time I’ve caught you doing that.” The look in his eyes told her that he definitely knew there were the times he hadn’t caught her.

Luz flushed in embarrassment. “It’s not my fault you’re so cute!” She shook her head. “But that’s not why I’m staring.” She pulled her legs up on the couch, as King stretched. “Did Eda and Lilith say where they were going? I haven’t seen them since I left to meet Amity.”

King yawned, before his eyes widened in surprise and he got up. “What’s that?” He pointed to Luz’s necklace. “When did you get that?”

Luz fidgeted with the necklace, as soon as he pointed it out. “Amity gave it to me.”

King reached for the necklace, but Luz pulled away. “I wanna see it!”

Luz didn’t want him to touch it. It’s mine; Amity gave it to me. “You don’t use your hands-” she cut herself off, before King even made a face, “-paws, to see.” Luz wasn’t sure it was as wide of a statement in the demon realm as it was back in her own, already King having paws was different, but that didn’t change that he specifically didn’t.

King scowled, before he sat back down and crossed his arms. “Some demons do, you know…”

Luz let go of her necklace. “Well you don’t…” She thought a little about seeing with paws and hands. I guess blind people do that in a way? “And some humans do too, but that’s a blind thing.” She shifted around, before remembering that this wasn’t what she wanted to talk about. “But, I still want to know if you know where Eda went?”

King moved a paw up to his snout, as he thought. “I’m not sure… I think she might have gone to the market to get something?” He shrugged, “she left some time after you did, anyway.” Before Luz could even ask, he answered her next question. “Lilith went with her, if you were going to ask.”

Luz nodded. “So we’re home alone?” she crossed her legs, looking over at the door. “Well, except for Hooty, but he is the house…” Luz stared over at the door, expecting him to butt in, but Hooty had been a lot better behaved, since Lilith and him had become friends. “So, is there anything you want to do?”

King’s tail wagged. “Let’s watch something together!” he jumped up on his legs. “Something violent! With lots of blood! I think I know just where we can watch something like that!” He was already running to get the crystal ball, before Luz could make another suggestion.

¨¨

Luz didn’t care all that much about what she and King were watching, but she liked that he was having fun. It looked like it was a monster movie of some kind, not as bloody or bad as she was scared it would be, but still a tiny bit more violent than she liked. It was at least not as weird as some of the other movies she had watched.

One time, she had seen a movie about some weird creatures that ate people, but they were really a struggling family that could only live by doing that. She had no clue if it had been some sort of parody, comedy horror or meant to be a serious heartwarming family story, but whatever it was; it made her both curious enough to watch it all the way through and incredibly uncomfortable.

Luz realized she was zoning out slightly, as she registered King screaming to her side. “Yes! Devour them! KILL THEM ALL!” He leaned in on the table, wagging his tail, his eyes shining with excitement. “One day, I’ll be like that again…” he whispered in awe.

Luz shifted around in her seat, messing with her necklace. I wonder how long there is until I have to head to Amity’s house? She checked the time, but there was still over half an hour before she could leave and get there at a reasonable time. “When’s this going to be over? I have to visit Amity later.”

King glanced up at Luz. “I think it’s over soon.” He sat back down, with a little squeak. “Sorry I was blocking your view.”

Luz smiled down at him. “It’s fine, you’re even cuter when you’re excited about something!”

Luz grinned, as he glared up at her. “I’m NOT cute! I’m the King of demons, and I…” He trailed of as his gaze fell back on the crystal ball. “I’ll lecture you later.” He tried to look tougher, like the movie bored him, but Luz could see how his tail twitched and shifted as he tried not to wag it.

Luz shifted to lay on her stomach, watching the last of the movie with him.

¨¨

Just a few minutes after the movie ended, Eda and Lilith finally came home, but Luz didn’t have a lot of time to stick around and talk, because she suddenly realized she needed to check if she had anything she needed to bring with her.

Shoot, why did I not remember to check earlier? She sprinted upstairs, after a quick hi to Eda, to look for her bag.

She took some time to draw a couple emergency glyphs, just in case she got into trouble, making sure to bring her notepad and pen with her, if she happened to use them all up without being able to draw them on the ground either.

She took a few seconds to look at her necklace, before she headed back downstairs to say goodbye.

King didn’t like that she was leaving at all. “Why do you have to go?” He grabbed her leg, as she was about head out the door. “Can’t you just visit Amity tomorrow?”

Luz smiled down at him, lightly pushing him away, but he stood his ground. “Sorry, King, I promised Amity I’d come over today.” She patted his head, as he looked up at her with big begging eyes. “We can spend time together tomorrow, okay?”

King suddenly got a way more worried look in his eyes. “But what if there isn’t going to be a tomorrow?”

Luz froze, shocked at what he was suggesting. “I don’t think you need to worry about that.” She picked him up in her arms, despite his slight protest. “Everything’s going to be fine! I’m prepared!” He squirmed, as she hugged him, before she put him back on the floor and brought her emergency glyphs out of her bag. “Look! I’m ready for anything!”

King stared up at Luz, not looking any more at ease. “But… What if something catches you off guard?” he looked back to the crystal ball, before he pointed to it. “I don’t want anything like that to happen to you, Luz!”

Luz felt uncomfortable looking back at the crystal ball, because she knew she probably couldn’t say that it was just a movie. “Like I said; everything is going to be fine!” She felt a bit antsy, realizing that she was wasting time discussing this with King. “And, again, I promised Amity I was coming over today.” She fidgeted with her bag, before continuing. “And I’ve made it this long without being eaten! I promise I’m going to come home safe.”

She crouched down to give King another hug, before she headed out the door. “Bye, guys!”

¨¨

Luz didn’t know what to do, as she stood in front of the door to the Blight Manor after having knocked. She had no clue what to expect, as she waited for someone to let her in.

She shifted from foot to foot in small bounces, as the door opened.

She took a step backwards, nearly falling off the steps, when she saw how infuriated Amity looked. “Woah! What’s wrong?” Did I come over too late? Or too early? Luz wasn’t sure she should come closer, as Amity stared her down, before looking at her necklace.

Luz yelped in surprise, when Amity grabbed her arm and forcefully pulled inside the house. “Ack! Amity! Stop! That hurts!” She didn’t listen, as she kept pulling on her, making Luz follow along just to lessen the pain. Despite that, her grip was still uncomfortably tight around her arm. “What’s going on?”

Luz tried to figure out what she could have done wrong to make Amity so angry at her, but she couldn’t think of anything. Is she taking her anger out on me, or is she angry at me? She couldn’t tell what was going on, but she knew that she didn’t want to see Amity like that. “Have I done something wrong?”

Amity huffed, but she didn’t answer her question.

Luz still tried to figure out what Amity could possibly be mad at her for, as she followed her into the living room. Luz remembered that she needed to give a more thorough apology for her distrust of the necklace. “I’m really sorry about earlier.” Amity didn’t look at her as she spoke, “you know, with the necklace; I didn’t mean to make it sound like I didn’t trust you.”

Amity tightened her grip on Luz’s arm, before she suddenly let go of it, and shoved her down on the couch.

Luz hit the couch, before quickly rolling back off it, staring up at Amity. “What was that fo-” Her eyes widened, as she cut herself off when she saw Amity forming a spell circle. “Wait, don’t!” But she barely got the words out, before Amity cast the spell.

Luz braced herself for something to hurt her, but nothing happened at all. She let out a sigh of relief. Amity is just messing with me. “Wow, you really scared me-” Luz’s eyes widened once again, as she realized that something had happened; she was shrinking, getting smaller by the second. What did Amity just do to me?!

Amity watched her with cold eyes, before she walked over and crouched down.

Luz hesitantly backed away, trying to figure out why Amity was acting the way she was. “Uhm…” her voice shook slightly, stopping her from speaking, as she glanced away. Her fear felt like it grew larger by each second that the giant, compared to her, girl watched her. “What did you do that for?” she asked, trying to stop her voice from showing how scared she felt. Her heart thudded quickly in her chest, as Amity kept the cold look in her eyes.

Amity leaned down closer, before poking her hard enough to knock her over. “You’re boring… Aren’t you going to run away or something? I thought you would be more exciting to catch…”

Luz watched her for a few seconds, before she got up on her feet again. “Catch?” She kept looking up at her, but she couldn’t figure out why Amity would want her to run. Whatever Amity was doing; she wasn’t sure she wanted to play along with it.

Amity sighed, rubbing her forehead. “Alright, let me put it simply…” Her hand suddenly slammed down in front of her, making Luz jump back with a shriek. “You run right now, and I might let you go if I can’t catch you within...” she paused to think, as Luz heart pounded even faster in her chest, “ten minutes.”

Amity stared at her with the same uncaring eyes, waiting for Luz to do something, but she couldn’t get her feet to move. She took a couple unsure steps back after a few seconds. Is this a game? It had to be; why else would Amity be acting like that? Maybe it’s just a weird way to welcome guests here? But that didn’t make much sense.

Amity tapped her fingers against the floor in impatience, snapping Luz out of her thoughts. “I’m only giving you a few more seconds to try and get away, human.” She shifted her fingers to reach out after her, but she stopped before wrapping them around her. “This is getting really boring… Aren’t you at least going to yell at me?”

Luz stared at the fingers that had almost closed around her, not knowing what Amity was getting at. “I don’t get it!” she shouted, squeezing her eyes shut. “I don’t get what’s happening!”

Amity pushed her down on the floor, pinning her down roughly with only a couple fingers. “I’m giving you a chance to escape!” Luz still didn’t understand, as she looked up at Amity. She felt her press down harder on her shoulders, making her gasp in pain. “Or, I guess, was.”

Luz let out a pained wheeze, as Amity’s fingers wrapped around her, almost feeling like Amity was trying to crush her to death. “Stop! That hurts!”

Amity scowled down at her, but she loosened her grip slightly. “Oh, poor you.” She scoffed, before she opened her fist up to grab Luz’s bag, before she even had a chance to try and take it back from her. “As if it wasn’t on purpose…” she mumbled under her breath. “Didn’t realize you were that stupid.”

Luz stared up at Amity in disbelief. “I’m not stupid!” What is going on with her? “I want to know why you’re hurting me!”

Amity glared at Luz intensely. “Can you be quiet? I need to focus on something.” She lifted her up to her mouth and grabbed the back of her shirt between her teeth.

Luz felt a strong chill go up her spine, as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. She tried to keep her shirt from pressing in on her throat, but it barely helped. What the hell is Amity doing? She gasped for breath, as she squirmed to try and loosen the pressure on her neck.

She looked at her bag, as Amity emptied it into her hand. Another rush of fear went through her, as she realized that she had barely had any ways of defending herself against Amity. She tried to kick Amity’s chin, but she couldn’t hit anything from where she was. “Don’t-” She coughed, shifting her grip on her shirt slightly, “-don’t take my stuff!”

An exhausted breath blew down onto her from Amity’s nose, before she put the pen and notepad down in the bag and shook the glyphs off her hand.

Luz watched, as her hand moved up to grab her again, kicking it as soon as it was in reach. “Let me go!” She only realized her poor wording, as Amity let out a small laugh through her nose, and opened her mouth slightly. “Wait, no! Not like that!” Luz let out a terrified cry, bracing herself for the fall, but Amity grabbed her again without dropping her.

Luz felt Amity’s tongue slurp up against her neck, before she was lowered down.

Luz couldn’t believe what Amity just did, as she shifted her head to try to process the feeling of drool that lathered her neck. Did she just lick me? She definitely did. Why did she do that? Luz felt another strong chill run through her body. “Why did you lick me?”

Amity’s eyes were just as unkind as before, when she turned Luz around to stare at her. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

Luz cowered, as the bad feeling she had grew worse. “Please don’t hurt me…” she whispered quietly. She had a growing worry that this was going the exact way she expected getting licked by a person big enough to eat her in a single bite would go. I shouldn’t have promised anything to King… she realized, trying to stop the burning feeling in her eyes, not wanting to cry. I have to be wrong; Amity would never do that. But signs weren’t very promising.

Amity scowled down at Luz, before she shifted her gaze away from her. She didn’t say anything else, as she began looking around from something in the house.

Amity found her way to what looked like a dining room, where what had to be her mom was standing. Luz felt Amity shift her grip on her to dangle her from her fingers. “She was way too easy to catch… I even offered her a chance to get away, but, apparently, humans aren’t smart enough to take a chance to survive.”

Luz tried to look back at Amity, but she couldn’t quite see her, as the feeling of dread grew. “Survive?” She knew Amity was obviously hinting at eating her, but that didn’t mean she was being serious about doing it. She wouldn’t really do that, would she? “What do you mean?” She couldn’t actually want to kill her. Her thoughts spun in her head, as she tried make sense of it. She wouldn’t!

Amity turned her around, raising an eyebrow. “Are you sure you’re not stupid?” She shook Luz, making her cry out in distress, as she felt like she was going to slip out between her fingers. “I thought you had already caught on.” She shifted her grip to let Luz sit in her hand. “I think it’s pretty obvious what I’m going to do, but I guess a human like you would be too dumb to understand?”

Luz tried to get up on her feet, but Amity didn’t give her a chance, as she was pinned down by her thumb. She stared up at Amity, still trying to figure out if she was serious. “I’m not dumb!” She squirmed underneath her thumb, but she held on too tightly for Luz to do anything. “I just don’t know why you would do this!”

Amity rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Yeah, sure, but isn’t it still pretty obvious?” She glared down at her, as she continued. “I don’t care about you.”

Luz suddenly burst out laughing. Something about the way she said it didn’t sound like she meant it. It sounded way too exaggerated. “What are you talking about?” She couldn’t stop laughing at the idea of Amity not caring about her. “We’re friends!” Just the thought that Amity would hurt her seemed completely absurd the more she considered it. “We’ve been friends for a long time, when did you suddenly start hating me again?”

Amity got even angrier, glancing over at her mom, as Luz spoke. “That doesn’t matter!” She pressed her thumb harder into Luz’s chest, making her let out a pained wheeze again. “What matters is that I don’t like you, and I’m going to make sure that I never have to see you ever again.”

Luz wriggled underneath her thumb, trying to process everything that was happening. She can’t mean that! “W-wait, no!” She already knew how Amity was going to solve this. “We can figure this out another way!” Luz looked around as she gasped for breath, while she tried to think. Is Amity seriously going to kill me? ��I’m trying to find way back to my mom! Maybe-” Luz hesitated, before she made her decision. “What if I stay there? In the human realm?”

Amity kept scowling down at her, but Luz could swear she saw a glimpse of surprise in her eyes, before she looked over at her mom with a slightly hopeful expression.

Luz immediately put the pieces together, but that didn’t make her situation any less terrifying. Is Amity’s mom making her kill me? She decided to keep her mouth shut, until her mom made a decision. Please let me go home… She suddenly felt even more powerless in Amity’s grasp, knowing that her life could be ended by a single decision that neither she or Amity had a say in.

Amity looked back down at Luz, clearly realizing that she had noticed her odd behavior, as she her expression changed back to a glare hurriedly, before her necklace lit up.

Luz looked at it unsurely, waiting for either Amity or her mom to say anything. Don’t kill me… She couldn’t help squeezing her eyes shut, as she waited to know if she was going to make it out alive or not. Please decide to let me go… she begged inside her head once again.

Amity huffed, and Luz’s hair stood on end, as she realized what that meant. “No, you said you’re still trying to find a way back and that would take way too long.” Luz pulled her legs closer to her body, as she gave Amity a pleading look. “Besides, I don’t have the patience to see your face around anymore.” She shifted her around in her hands with malicious smile. “And I think killing you would be much more satisfying.”

Luz realized she had to come up with something to convince her mom to change her mind. “Amity, please, don’t!” She looked around, trying to collect her thoughts. What did I want to say? “I- You-” It was about Amity. “You don’t actually want to kill me; I know it!” She pointed her thumb where Amity had looked earlier. “It’s her, your mom! She wants to kill me! I saw the way you looked over at her!”

Amity squeezed her eyes shut in a scared wince, before she tried to play it off. “Why do you have to be so annoying about this?” She shifted her grip to dangle Luz from her fingers again. “You know you can’t do anything about this, right? Even- I mean-” Amity stammered slightly. “Ugh! I’m just going to get this over with!”

Amity opened her mouth as wide as she could, finally letting the fact that Amity was serious about killing her sink in.

“Wait!” She tried to grab onto her fingers, while kicking against Amity’s hand. “No, please! There has to be something I can do to change your mind!” But Amity didn’t hesitate, as she lowered Luz into her mouth. “Or your mom’s mind!” She writhed around, trying to get a look at her, but she couldn’t even catch a glimpse. “Mrs. Blight, please, stop this!”

But her mother didn’t say or do anything to call it off.

The bare part of her legs rested against Amity’s tongue, as she closed her mouth around Luz’s waist. I have to do something now! “We can figure something out, or-” Luz felt that she was sliding deeper into Amity’s mouth, despite her desperate attempts to push herself back out. “Please, I-” Luz sucked in a breath, as she felt tears burning in her eyes once again, “-I don’t want to die!”

Amity opened her mouth a little wider around her again, using her tongue to drag her in. “Amity! Stop! Please!” This isn’t happening! This couldn’t be happening. She tried to grab onto Amity’s lip, but she couldn’t even reach anymore, let alone hold on. This isn’t happening!

“Amity! Spit me out right now!” She tried to kick herself back out of Amity’s mouth, but she shut it around her, before she even had a chance.

“This isn’t funny at all!” It had to be a cruel joke, or a nightmare. It had to be. She couldn’t die here; she couldn’t die yet. This isn’t happening! She choked on her own sob, as she begged Amity to stop. “Ple-please!”

But Amity still didn’t listen to her.

Luz tried to back away from Amity’s throat, but she couldn’t get a proper grip on anything inside her mouth. Maybe if I kick her throat, she’ll spit me out? Anything was worth a shot at this point. She gave her a full force kick in the back of her throat.

Just as Luz had hoped, Amity immediately retched and spat her back out into her hands. But Luz instantly realized that there wasn’t anywhere to go from there. Okay, so I have another shot at changing her mom’s mind, that could work! Luz spun around to face her, but something about the look she was giving Amity told her there was nothing she could do. I have to try again.

She tried to gather her thoughts, but all except the desperate pleas for her life escaped her. Shoot, what do I say? Luz stared at Amity’s mom, as Amity stopped gagging behind her.

Luz turned back around. “Amity, please, you don’t have to do this!” There had to be another way to convince her… What hadn’t she tried? “I promised King I would come back home today!”

She looked up into Amity’s eyes, hoping to convince her to let her go. Luz immediately began talking, trying to stall her fate, despite the lack of any sort of pity in her eyes.

“I said that we could spend tomorrow together, but he said there might not be a tomorrow, and I tried to comfort him-” her eyes flicked around, trying to look as scared as she felt, “but if I really don’t have a tomorrow, then King and I will never spend it together!”

Luz hoped that her listening to her stream of panicked words meant that she was considering trying to change her mom’s mind. She continued trying to stall. “What’s your mom’s name?” She turned back around to face her. “What’s your name?” she shouted at her, but she didn’t respond, only getting out of her line of vision. “Please! Stop this!” she cried out again, as her eyes searched for her in vain. “I need to get back! I have to come home!”

She felt Amity lift her up and turn her around and Luz stared up at her with tear-filled eyes. The look in Amity’s eyes was bored more than anything, as she spoke, “do you really think you’re going to be changing my mind on this?” She sighed deeply. “Because I’ve planned this for a while and I’m not going to back down over some begging and crying.”

Luz racked her brain for anything that could save her, but she didn’t know what else she could do. She tried to stall again, hoping Amity would hear her out. “What about the time…” It didn’t matter what she talked about, as long as she talked. “Or I mean, what about the Azura books? If you kill me, you won’t have anybody to talk with you about them!”

Amity scowled at Luz. “Don’t remind me of that!” She squeezed Luz tightly, before she continued. “You just kept talking and talking and talking!” The look her eyes soften for a second, before she caught herself. “I never got a word in! Do you have any idea of how annoying it was?” She sighed once more. “I’m tired of this...” She opened her mouth back up again.

Luz immediately tried to squirm out of her grasp. “Stop!” She put her hands out in front of her, once again trying to grab onto something before she was shoved into Amity’s mouth. There has to be something I can do! But it was useless and, deeper down, she did know that.

Her eyes flicked around, as she tried to come up with something. Could I make her gag again? Maybe Amity will get tired of it eventually and… Luz didn’t even have to finish the thought, before she realized that wouldn’t work. Amity could easily bite her in half or just crush her arms or legs between her teeth. A sharp prickling feeling went up her spine, as she felt like the hair on her neck stood up. I can’t get out.

She suddenly became much more aware of everything around her, as she realized that now really was the moment she was going to die.

Everything felt fake, as a surreal feeling spread through her body, making every muscle in it tense. Her heart was beating, but it didn’t feel like her heart. She was breathing, but her lungs didn’t feel like they were hers. She had thoughts, but they didn’t feel like they came from her own head.

She shook her head, as she felt like vomiting. No, no, this is just a weird dream, a really scary, terrifying, nightmare, I’m going to wake up soon… But then why could she feel the saliva from Amity’s mouth making her clothes stick to her skin? I’m not going to die! I can’t! She clenched her fists tighter, digging her nails into her palms to feel something, as she shivered all over from the horrid realization she was having. She let out a small cry, wanting the feeling out of her body.

It couldn’t be possible that she would actually die; she couldn’t die. I can’t die! It doesn’t make sense! I can’t! Those were the only thoughts that echoed in her mind, as she tried to process what was happening. She wasn’t supposed to die; if she died, then what would happen to her? To the person she was? She heaved for breath, before whimpering, as she felt like an intruder in her own body. I can’t die!

Luz let out the loudest scream she could muster, trying to feel like she was in control of the body she was in, before she dug her nails into Amity’s tongue. She knew her voice would come out hoarse, even before she screamed again, “SPIT ME OUT!” The words raked her throat, as she screamed them as loud as she could.

She pressed against the back of her tongue with as much force as she could, before she was pinned to the roof of Amity’s mouth.

She wriggled against it, trying to maneuver her arms to make Amity gag another way. I’m not going to die in here! She hesitated for a few seconds, before she pressed her arms into Amity’s throat. She couldn’t put as much force into it, as her kick, or even just when she pressed down, but it was enough for her soon-to-be murderer to let her back out.

At least for a second, before she was quickly shoved back inside. This was exactly the scenario she had dreaded. She couldn’t keep stalling her death; Amity wasn’t using anywhere near the amount of energy Luz was. This couldn’t keep going forever.

Amity pinned Luz against her palate once again, letting her struggle uselessly for even longer.

Luz could feel herself starting to feel a slight bit weaker, as she tried to do the same thing she had done just before. But this time she didn’t get a chance to press against Amity’s throat, as she let her fall back to the front of her mouth, before she could reach.

She felt her feet hit Amity’s teeth, before Amity opened her mouth slightly and forced her leg in between them.

Luz squeezed her eyes shut tightly, realizing that Amity was going to be done playing with her soon. She’s going to bite my leg off! Luz tried to pull it out from between her teeth, but it didn’t do anything. Please don’t do this… It couldn’t be that much longer, before she decided to kill her.

But biting her leg off wasn’t what Amity had in mind, as she shifted Luz’s head in between her molars instead. Luz tried recoil, despite knowing she couldn’t do anything but wait for Amity to crush her skull. She didn’t think to send out any sort of last thoughts, as she focused on trying to shut out the unbearable pain she would feel in just a few seconds.

But Amity changed her mind once again, shifting her back on her tongue.

Luz was starting to wish that Amity would just get it over with already, instead of playing with her like she kept doing. I can’t get out… She had tried everything now, but none of it had worked. She went limp, before she tried one last time to get Amity to spare her life. “Am-” she coughed, as she realized just how sore her throat was from screaming. “-Amity, please, I can’t die yet!” She felt tears build up in her eyes once again, but she didn’t try to hold them back anymore.

Luz tensed up immediately, as she felt herself slide towards Amity’s throat. Amity is going to swallow me whole! She squirmed, before she was pinned in place again. “Amity!” This was one of the worst ways she could decide to kill her. “Sto-” she choked on her voice again in the middle of her word, “-stop! Please, at least make it a quick death!”

But it did nothing to convince her, as she was squeezed down into her throat.

Luz tried to make her gag again, but Amity swallowed her down way too quickly for her to do anything. She kicked the back of her palate, but even though Amity’s body clearly wanted her to cough her back up; she still quickly swallowed again to let Luz slide farther down into her throat.

Luz cried out in distress, as she was squeezed and shoved farther down by the second. She tried to clear her head of thoughts, not wanting to think about how soon she was going to die. She wasn’t ready to die in anyway at all. I can’t die… But she knew that wasn’t true; everybody had to die. I don’t want to die… She didn’t want to die yet, and especially not the gruesome way she was about to.

She whimpered, as trying to wriggle back up, but she knew there was no way she was making it out again. I never got to see my mom again… Every ounce of guilt she had felt since she had pretended to be at camp hit her at once. She cried even harder, letting out a wail, as she wished she had told her something, anything, about where she was. She’s never going to know what happened to me...

Luz could feel when the stomach opened up beneath her, and she squeezed her eyes even more shut, as she slid into the pool of acid at the bottom.

She quickly got out of it, but she knew it wouldn’t make much of a difference. I’m… She could barely finish the thought, but she knew she had to face sooner or later. I’m not getting out of here… She let her shoulders untense, knowing there was nothing she could do but wait for death. Maybe it won’t be as scary as it sounds…

But she knew she didn’t really believe that.

Amity felt Luz stop moving inside her stomach, but she didn’t worry, knowing she was going to be alright. She looked up into the smug face of her mother, glaring at her. Wipe that annoying smile off your face! Her mother hadn’t won; she had. Or at least as much as she could win, when she had, hopefully, broken Luz’s trust in her completely. She looked down at her stomach, holding a hand over it. Please don’t still trust me after this…

Her mom’s eyes nearly looked like they sparkled, as Amity hurried to lower her hand down. Shoot, I’m making this worse for Luz… Her mother touched the gem around her own neck, as her voice rung in her head like it had done so many times. “Mittens, you still seem pretty affectionate with the human, are you sure you can stay away from her?”

Amity nodded, as she felt anger bubble up inside her. I would do anything to keep Luz safe. Even if it meant never seeing her again. Though, the fact that her mom still wore that smug smile worried her. Am I missing something? Her skin prickled, as she knew there had to be something she wasn’t thinking off. Was there a loophole she hadn’t consider? How did the deal go again?

She thought back to what had been said. ‘If you can convince Luz that you’re trying to kill her, we won’t do anything to her ourselves.’

Amity’s eyes widened, as she realized exactly why her mom wore that smile, but she kept her face away from her. Stay calm, I can’t let her know that I’ve figured out her trick. If she knew she figured it out; she wasn’t going to get a chance to make a plan to save Luz from her.

She stretched casually, trying to look more tired than she was. “I think I’m going relax in my room for a while…” she hoped she could be more convincing than she was before. “I’ll come back… later?” She shot her mom an unsure look, trying to ask when she needed to let Luz out. That’s what I would have done before I guessed it, right? “When would be a good time?”

Her mom did look a bit suspicious of her, but not a worrying amount. “Come back in half an hour.”

Amity wasn’t sure she should chance a glare at her mom, despite knowing that she would have done it otherwise. I don’t want to risk anything… She would let her think she still thought she had won by ignoring her, as she walked past her.

Luz stared in confusion at the yellow tinted walls that were pulsing around her, realizing that something was off. Even if there was still enough air for her inside Amity’s stomach; she definitely should be feeling at least some itching, if not unbearably painful burning, by now.

She looked down at the bare part of her legs, but the skin didn’t seem irritated at all, despite her lower half having been in the acid the entire time she had been inside Amity’s stomach, because she hadn’t been able to get completely out of it.

Luz didn’t understand what was going on, but she had a feeling Amity had a reason for not telling her that.

She looked up where she had first entered her stomach, wishing she could get back out. She put her necklace in under her hoodie, letting the space around her darken. It was a lot more pleasant, when she didn’t have to look at the pulsing moving walls that she thought was going to kill her just a moment ago.

She closed her eyes, letting herself calm down. The thought that she was going to die eventually, even if not now, still lingered in her body, making her feel like she wasn’t really herself. But at least I don’t have to die right now. She tried to comfort herself with the thought, but thinking about the fact that she had to die at some point still left her with the hollow feeling of her body not being hers.

She pulled the necklace back out, realizing she needed a distraction from her thoughts. Or at least something to do with her hands, so she could squash down the feeling of needing to do something.

She watched the flickering effect the light gained, as she fiddled with the gems. It started to feel a little less scary, when she focused on the light and necklace in her hands, instead of her surroundings, thoughts or feelings. She could deal with her existential dread later… when she figured out how to stop feeling like herself when she thought about the fact that her life would eventually be over.

She took a shaky breath, trying once again to calm down.

Amity paced around her room, trying to figure out how to handle everything. How am I going to get Luz back to the Owl House? She couldn’t picture a way that would work. Mom has to be keeping an eye on me, in case I decide to run away… Amity paused in her pace. Is it obvious that I’m going to run away? She thought about it, but she quickly realized if her mom saw or heard her head out, she would immediately get caught.

She sat down, trying to form a better plan. My only back up plan can’t just be to restrain her, while I run… She had to come up with something better, but she knew she had limited time. How am I going to do this? She placed her head into her hands, gritting her teeth in frustration.

She rubbed her face, trying to come up with something else. What if I wait until I’m supposed to let Luz back out, but then I run away? It almost sounded easier, but she might as well use some of the surprise from running way now instead. It might have worked, if Ed and Em were home to help. But, obviously, her mother didn’t want anybody interrupting her traumatizing of Luz. Or, rather, her murder. Why did I ever agree to this? It should have been so obvious that this plan wasn’t going to work. What made me think mom would even keep her word? She knew how her mom was.

Amity wished she had just been smart enough to avoid this. Luz could have saved herself, if I just warned her… She squeezed her eyes shut, letting herself cry. I could have helped her! Amity knew that she shouldn’t dwell on the past, that was something she couldn’t change, but she couldn’t see how she was going to get out of the situation her stupid, absolutely terribly, mistake had brought her in.

Amity had to wipe the tears from her face not long after. I have to at least apologize to Luz… Her shoulders tensed, as she thought about having to tell her that she had pretty much gotten her killed. I’ll try to make it more optimistic... She didn’t know how to make it sound like that, but she could give it a shot. “Luz?”

The necklace thumped against her chest, as she let go of it, when she heard her name. She felt a sudden burst of anger, kicking Amity’s stomach with as much force as she could. She quickly calmed down after that, realizing that it wasn’t Amity fault that this happened. Maybe partly, she didn’t try to stop her mom, but I shouldn’t take my anger out on her…

But before she could apologize; Amity spoke again. “I deserved that.” Luz waited for a few seconds, before Amity continued. “But I wanted to say sorry, and that you were right about everything… Somewhat?” Luz wasn’t sure if she should say anything yet, but Amity seemed to be done, as she didn’t say anything after making a few noises while thinking.

Luz wasn’t exactly sure what to say. “Uh… Okay?” She didn’t really want to be talking with Amity, her voice still felt uncomfortable to hear. “But, uhm… If I’m not going to die in here; you’re going to let me out soon, right?” Luz didn’t want to spend a second longer than she needed to inside Amity’s stomach.

She heard the rush of air in Amity’s lungs, as she took a deep breath. “About that…” Luz felt like her skin was crawling, as she waited for Amity to say something horrible. “I might have messed up a little more than I thought, and my mom does want you dead.”

Luz immediately sprang up in a panic, or attempted to, but she just splashed down into acids again as she slipped. “You’re still going to kill me?!” She tried to climb backwards, as one of the ways that Amity could still kill her popped into her mind. She’s going to drown me! “No, please, I-” But Amity quickly interrupted.

“No, no, Luz, I’m not going to let her get her way!” Amity’s heart had sped up too, as she hurried to get her words out. “I would never let anyone or anything hurt you; no matter what.” Luz noticed she took a breath, after she had stopped her writhing.

Luz tried to process her words, but they… didn’t make any sense. Something in the way she said it made her think there much more to them than what she let on. She tried to think back to before Amity had lied to her about how much she hated her, but she still couldn’t figure out what made Amity care about her that much. No matter what... her mind repeated the tone that Amity had used. Maybe I’m putting too much meaning in it?

Amity continued, snapping her out of her thoughts. “But I was trying to say that she still wants you dead, so I need to find a way to get you back to the Owl House.” She let out a sigh. “The problem is that I’m stuck in my room…”

Luz let herself relax again. “First of all; don’t phrase stuff like that ever.” She pointed a finger at Amity, despite knowing she couldn’t see her. “But secondly… I don’t really know what to do either.” Luz gave herself some time to think. “Uh… Maybe you could…” Nothing popped into her mind immediately that wasn’t obvious. But maybe the simplest option could work? “Do you think you could beat your parents in a fight? If you had to?”

Amity went quiet, and Luz listened curiously for her response. “What do you mean? Do you want me to fight my parents?”

“No, I mean, if you had to, if you were caught?” Luz knew that Amity had to have thought about this, but she was pretty sure it could work. “And if you can’t, what are they going to do?” Luz’s confident feeling grew, as she thought about it more. “They can’t get to me, as long as I’m in here!”

It was silent above her, as Amity thought.

Luz stared up hopefully, excited that Amity seemed to be considering the idea. It could really work! She tried to squash down her feeling of being clever, waiting to hear what Amity thought of it.

“You’re right…” Luz waited, hoping she would go through with the idea. “But what if they have a way to make me throw up?”

Luz deflated, not having thought about that. “Well… Do you think they do?” She gave it a few more seconds of thought. “Why would they have a way to make you throw up? Doesn’t that sound weird?” Luz tried to come up with anything that could help them out of this awful situation they had ended up in. “And how else are we going to get out of this? I can’t think of anything else…”

Amity went quiet, clearly trying to think of something. “I don’t know…” She breathed out, as her heart sped up again. “I guess it’s the only thing that sounds doable…”

¨¨

Luz had to wait with growing worry, as Amity moved around the house.

She kept her hands around her necklace and it helped her calm down slightly. The chain felt comforting, as she ran her fingers along it. Stay calm… She didn’t want to freak out too much, despite knowing that both her and Amity were incredibly worried. She can do this.

She could hear Amity’s heart beat faster than her own, but not by much.

She wished she could help out, but there wasn’t a lot she could do, even if she was back outside and her regular size. I would probably just be easier to kill… Not to mention the fact that she was still completely defenseless. Luz gripped her necklace anxiously, as she thought back to Amity taking her bag. What did Amity do to my bag?

It wasn’t that she was too worried about the bag; she didn’t have anything really important and irreplaceable with her, but she still didn’t want to have lost it. She did have a few of her favorite patches and pins on it and it would suck to lose them. So technically something irreplaceable, if she never got back to her mom, but nothing really important important.

She let go of the necklace, deciding to watch the walls around her for a bit. It made her own stomach churn, as she thought about what happened. It was gross to think that Amity could do that. She hadn’t had that hard of a time swallowing her down, despite how much she had tried to get her to gag.

She tried to stop the uncomfortable feeling she got from thinking about it. Amity is keeping me safe. She reminded herself once again. I’m safer in here than out there. If she was out there; Amity’s mom could get to her way more easily.

Luz wasn’t sure how long she spent thinking about all her different worries, but apparently long enough for Amity to make it out of her house, as the bigger girl told her exactly that in a voice a little louder than a whisper.

It was quiet again after that, except for her much louder and more strained breathing.

¨¨ ~

By the time Amity reached the Owl House; she could barely get her legs to move anymore. Maybe I should have taken it just a tiny bit slower… Her parents hadn’t even seen her run away, as far as she knew. But the thought that they had been after her had made it impossible for her to slow down.

She stared over at the house, feeling unsure about what to do. Should she explain any of what had happened, or keep it a secret? I think I’m going to start by letting Luz out… She wished she had thought about an easier way to make herself throw up suddenly. It can’t be that hard… she thought, remembering how easily Luz had made her gag. But maybe it’s harder to do it myself…

Amity shook her head, realizing she was overthinking it way too much.

She looked down at her stomach, feeling an uncomfortable shiver go up her body as she thought about what she had done. I’m so stupid… “I’m going to let you out now.”

¨¨ ~

Luz yelped in surprise, as she fell out of Amity’s mouth, but her fall was slightly broken by the soft-ish leaves on the ground. And despite falling the relatively tall height that she had; it barely hurt.

She still groaned, immediately having to squeeze her eyes shut at the still bright light outside. I didn’t realize it was so dark in there... She had thought that the light from her necklace was a lot stronger. She felt dizzy, as she hesitantly opened her eyes back up again.

She heard Amity shuffle backwards retching again, but it didn’t sound like anything else was coming out.

Luz got up on her feet, grimacing as she saw Amity’s face. That does not look fun... She didn’t want to say anything, before Amity was done dry heaving.

Amity swallowed loudly, letting out an exhausted noise. “I’m so sorry,” she started, swallowing sickly again, “I really hope you’re okay after all this...” Amity sat up clenching her hands tight. “I didn’t think any of this through... ” She squeezed her eyes shut, and a couple tears rolled down her face.

Luz didn’t want to say that everything was fine; it wasn’t. But she also didn’t think Amity needed to feel that horrible about it. “Well... The worst part was really realizing that I was going to die, so it’s not really your fault?” Luz dug her foot in under one of leaves next to her, trying to lift it with her foot. “I mean, unless you’re a god of death?” she tried to joke with a hesitant smile.

Amity grimaced, as she clearly tried not to smile back. “It’s not funny...” Her grimace quickly turned sad, as she looked down at Luz. “I know how much I scared you.”

Luz stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do to make Amity stop worrying about it. “I don’t really want to talk about this right now.” It was true, but she was mostly hoping to distract Amity. “Also... Could you maybe turn me back to normal?”

Amity snapped up. “Right! Sorry,” she apologized, but she didn’t turn her back immediately, fishing around in the bag she had with her, before she brought out Luz’s bag. “Here.” She stood back up, before casting the spell.

Luz closed her eyes, as she grew back to normal, finding a little too weird to watch how everything changed back to how it was before.

When she opened them again; everything seemed much more familiar.

A lot more real.

Without even registering her emotions properly; everything blurred with tears.

Luz couldn’t even get a word out, despite wanting to tell Amity that it wasn’t her fault that she broke down. Don't think it’s your fault! Luz’s thoughts screamed between the terrifying jolts of constant reminding that she was going to die and having no way of knowing what would or wouldn’t happen afterwards. Don’t get upset too!

She looked over at Amity, seeing how distressed she looked too, and managed to speak up. “It’s not your fault.” She blinked, letting more tears fall freely. “I’m not scared of you!” She wiped her tears away, even though they were still coming. “We should get inside... I just need to talk with Eda.”

Luz watched Amity, but she didn’t move any closer towards the Owl House.

Amity spoke hesitantly. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

Luz would have shrugged, but she was too upset. “It’s fine; Eda has probably done more questionable things than this.” Amity still looked a little unsure. “Amity, it’s alright; I’ll make sure they won’t get mad at you.”

Amity slowly nodded, before they both headed inside.

She still didn’t believe that Luz wasn’t upset with her. I shouldn’t be here... She felt like her back prickled uncomfortably, as she stood stiffly a few steps inside the house.

Luz had immediately gone to embrace Eda, crying into her shoulder. The older witch seemed to be very uncomfortable, but she also looked ready for letting Luz cry for as long as she needed.

Amity took a step back, hoping nobody would notice her. I could see if I could stay at the library for the night... She was pretty sure she could convince Malphas to let her stay if she told him about her situation with her parents. Or I could work a little harder if I need to. That could make up for it. I need to go now if I want to make it.

She carefully turned around to head back out the door, still trying to make herself as unnoticeable as possible.

But, of course, she was noticed this time. “Amity?”

The voice immediately caught her attention, as she noticed Lilith on the couch with Hooty by her side. “Lilith?” She decided that leaving wasn’t an option anymore, now where she had been noticed. “What are you doing here?”

She threw out her hands, “I could ask you the same thing; I thought Luz was just supposed to visit you,” she looked over at Luz and Eda, gesturing to Luz, “so how did things go so wrong that this happened to her?”

Amity shuffled her feet slightly. “I think I’m going to let Luz explain some of it first... But it’s my fault it happened.”

Luz immediately butted in. “No, it’s not-” she sniffled, before she continued, “-there was no way-” she breathed in deeply, as she whimpered and hugged Eda tighter, “-it wouldn’t have happened sooner or later...”

Amity took a second to think about it. “You are really only upset about the-” She wasn’t quick to catch herself before she said a little more than she needed. “-about death?” If she had to be completely honest; she thought that Luz was lying to her about that to make her feel better. Unless she thought I would pretend to want to kill her? But that was ridiculous.

Luz nodded, before she let go of Eda, “it’s really really scary to think about dying...” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m so so scared and I don’t know how to stop feeling like this!” She immediately wrapped her arms around Eda again, almost looking like she was trying to crush her, but Eda still let her hold on.

Eda waited until Luz let go of her again. “Luz, I don’t really know what to tell you.” She took a deep breath, before she continued. “The only thing you can really do is try to forget about it and then when the moment comes... all you can hope is that you’ll be ready for it.” She gently patted Luz on her shoulder. “But we can talk about this after you take a shower, alright? I need to get changed now too.”

Luz nodded, not looking the least bit comforted, before she left for the bathroom and Eda went to get a change of clothes.

King had been eerily silent as all this went down, staring after Luz as she left, before he leaped off the couch to stare down Amity. “What did you do to our Luz? You said that this was your fault!”

Amity felt uncomfortable, as the tiny demon tried to interrogate her. “It’s hard to explain... I really don’t want to do it without Luz.” She grasped the sleeve of her dress between her fingers. “And Eda needs to know what happened too.”

King scowled at her. “She smells like vomit; how much is there to explain about that? When did she get eaten and why didn’t you help her?”

Amity suddenly focused a lot harder on the grim taste of puke in her mouth. I need to rinse my mouth with some water. She realized that she was also incredibly thirsty after her run. “I told you Eda needs to know too and Luz needs to be here.” She turned to Lilith hesitantly. “I know it’s a little weird for me to ask for something right now, but where can I get something to drink?”

¨¨ ~

When Luz came back from her shower Amity looked twice as uncomfortable as she had before with everybody staring at her. Oh gosh, how am I going to explain what happened? She didn’t want them to think Amity was a bad person. “Hey,” she called shyly, trying to take the attention off Amity. “I’m feeling a bit better now.”

She went into the living room, standing next to Amity to hopefully make her feel less awful about what she did. She didn’t have bad intentions with what she did. “Sooo...” Luz began hesitantly, “I guess you guys want to know what happened?”

King scowled at Amity, but Luz was quick to step in. “It’s not her fault.” But she hesitated again. “Not entirely anyway... It’s...” Luz realized she had no clue why Amity’s mom did any of what she did. “Actually, what happened back at your place? Why would your mom ever make you do something like that?”

Amity took a deep breath, “I don’t know...” She rubbed her arm, looking down to the floor. “I just know that it doesn’t really surprise me that much...” She sighed, before she talked about the other part of what had happened. “But what happened was that... My mom told me that if I didn’t...” She stopped, taking a step in behind Luz. “I know I shouldn’t have done it! But she told me that if I wanted Luz to live, I needed to convince her that I wanted her dead.”

Luz looked back at Amity, recalling her wince when she had told her that she figured out her mom was the one behind it. That was why she got scared... Luz carefully brushed her hand against Amity’s arm, making her flinch. “Sorry!” she quickly apologized. I guess she wouldn’t like a hug. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Amity nodded, refusing to look at Luz, before she continued. “But it turns out that it was a trick... She was going to kill Luz either way, and I was stupid and fell for it and now...” She looked at Luz briefly with confusion in her eyes, before she trailed of completely.

Luz desperately wanted to give Amity a hug, but she didn’t seem like something like that would help her. “So... Did your mom tell you to pretend like you were going to kill me a specific way or did you decide that?” Luz really hoped that it wasn’t Amity’s own choice, despite it technically having helped save her life.

Amity looked disgusted. “My mom... She pretty much planned the entire thing... Except for the... The uh...” She suddenly looked even more ashamed of herself, “... fake escape... I mean, I was pretty sure ten minutes was enough to catch you, but I wouldn’t have let you go.”

King interrupted their explanation. “I feel like you two are leaving out A LOT of stuff, because I’m just getting more and more confused.”

Both Amity and Luz looked over at each other, before Amity spoke, “my mom told me I had to pretend to kill Luz by swallowing her alive. That’s why she came home drenched and smelling like vomit.”

Luz jolted up, realizing she forgot to apologize to her mentor for running her clothes. “I’m sorry about your dress, Eda! I didn’t think about how gross I was.” It had completely slipped her mind, despite how sour she had smelled, even without thinking of how slimy she had been.

Eda quickly dismissed it, “don’t apologize about that; it’s been through worse.” She shrugged, “besides, I was thinking of getting rid of it soon.”

Luz looked around the room, but there still seemed to be some confusion. “Uh... Maybe it’s better if we tell them everything that happened.”

¨¨

By the end of it all, Luz felt completely exhausted and scared, having had to relive the moment again. “I think I’m going to go to bed early...” She tried to shake her head to wake up a little, but it didn’t work.

Eda immediately shook her head, “nope, not before you’ve gotten something to eat.”

Luz felt sick at the thought of food. “No thanks, I don’t think I can eat anything.” Her appetite was completely gone and it wasn’t just from the thought of what had happened to her. The idea of eating felt pointless after realizing she was going to die. “I just want to go to bed...” she said, despite her stomach hurting from a lack of food.

Eda didn’t back down. “I get that it’s uncomfortable, but you have to eat something.” She got up from her seat. “Get something to drink and I’m going to make you something.”

Luz decided it was no use protesting.

¨¨

She sat awkwardly and sipped her glass of water. Drinking without any appetite wasn’t easy either, but it did help slightly. She was getting a bit more open to getting something to eat, but mostly to stop the nausea she was getting from her stomach trying to break down nothing.

Amity looked over at her, before she spoke, “so, I’m going to be staying here, right? Or should I be going back home?”

Luz stared at Amity in disbelief. “What do you think?! Obviously, you’re staying here for the night!” She was not letting Amity go home to her parents. At least not for the night.

Amity looked away again. “But what if they only get more upset with me?”

“Then you’re staying here another day,” she replied, carefully putting a hand on top of Amity’s, hoping to comfort her. “Amity, I’m not letting you get anywhere near them, if you’re still scared of them.”

Amity pushed Luz’s hand away, before going silent.

¨¨ ~

Amity watched as Luz headed upstairs to go to bed after she had gotten something to eat, leaving her alone in a room full of people she barely knew anything about.

She decided not to speak to them, looking down into her hands.

Her nail polish looked like it was flaking off in some areas, and she picked at it to distract herself from the awkwardness that hung in the air. What do I do? She had no clue where she was supposed to sleep or if they had enough food for an extra person to stay there. I really want something to eat... She thought, but she would never ask for it, if the others weren’t going to offer. They would probably hate me for it... How was she ever supposed to eat again after she had done what she did?

She scratched a relatively big chunk of paint off, before she stopped to look around at the others. The only one staring at her was King, who was giving her a death glare.

She looked back down to her nails, continuing to scratch at them. “I’m mad at me too, you know...” she said quietly to King. “I really wish I had never done any of what I did.” She rubbed the back of her hand gently, wishing she could go back to before any of it had happened.

King huffed. “Yeah right! You’re just saying that so we don’t get mad at you.” He jumped off the place he was sitting to stare challengingly up at Amity. “Well, I’m still going to be mad at you, so it’s not going to work.”

She shrugged half-heartedly. “That’s okay... I wish you were angrier with me.” She lowered her hand back down. “I mean... I deserve it, don’t I? But Luz isn’t mad at me, even though she really should be...” Amity decided to let a few of her trapped thoughts out. “I don’t understand why she doesn’t hate me for what I did. Or why you guys are letting me stay.” She grabbed her own hand, crushing it as hard as she could. “I don’t deserve it.”

King seemed startled by her, taking a few steps back. “Oh, you really do feel bad...” He ducked his head slightly, before he jumped back to where he sat before, now watching her with a bit harder to read expression. “Well, then I don’t really care, as long as you don’t try to hurt Luz.” He continued to watch her, but he didn’t seem as angry anymore.

Amity looked back at him for another second, only getting more confused. Why don’t they hate me? Maybe she didn’t have to worry about them not wanting her to stay over? But she still felt horrible about what she had done.

She got off the couch, but didn’t know where she wanted to go. “Is there an empty room I could stay in? I need some time alone...”

Luz lay in her sleeping bag, tears running down her face. Her mind kept spinning in circles whenever she tried to calm her thoughts about death. As soon as she got to ‘you might feel ready for it when it happens’ it spun back around to the beginning of ‘I’m going to die’. She couldn’t sleep with her thoughts going like that on repeat.

She shuffled around, lying on her side instead. Maybe it’ll be easier to deal with tomorrow. That was her hope anyway, but she knew it wasn’t going to help this time. It normally helps, but this is much worse, she thought, but still tried to relax her body. Take a deep breath...

She did as she told herself, letting it out with a bit of trouble, before she wiped off her tears. Her tiredness seemed to be coming back again after she did that, and she did her best to keep her eyes closed, until she eventually fell asleep.

¨¨ ~

Amity first got back out of the room when she got called for dinner. And she had completely lots her appetite by that time.

She still felt absolutely miserable, but at least she hadn’t been stared at the entire time.

She only took a few small bites, despite her probably needing much more than she felt like eating.

The room was filled with the same awkward silence, as she sat with the others, herself mostly drinking water while the others ate.

Just eat a bit more... She told herself. She knew it wasn’t good that she wasn’t eating, since she hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast to make sure that she wasn’t going to suffocate Luz in food on accident. Or even just let her sit in it. But she couldn’t make herself eat more than another small bite.

She looked up at Eda before quickly turning her head away again. “Thanks for letting me stay over.”

Eda shook her head, “it’s not that big a deal. Though I should probably have gotten a little more when I was out...” She looked like she was thinking about something, before she shook her head lightly again. “I’m just thinking out loud, no need to worry.”

Amity had already begun to worry, but she tried to shove the feeling down.

She forced herself to take another bite, but she was pretty sure she couldn’t eat another bite after that. “So... Where am I supposed to sleep?” she finally asked.

King mumbled something under his breath that Amity just barely caught, “nowhere near Luz that’s for sure...” Amity sure wasn’t going to object to that.

Eda shrugged again. “As long as it’s not taking already, I don’t care.”

¨¨

Amity ended up getting some pillows for herself and sleeping on the floor, because she was too ashamed to do anything else.

¨¨ ~

When Luz woke up; she didn’t feel nearly as bad as she thought she would. Her worrying about death had left her mind after her full night of sleep. At least for that moment.

She quickly got ready and headed downstairs to check if anybody else were up yet.

Checking the living room, she noticed that Amity had fallen asleep in the middle of the floor and was still sleeping. Luz raised an eyebrow, immediately becoming concerned. That doesn’t look comfortable... Not that it’s much more comfortable sleeping in a sleeping bag for so long. She almost decided to wake Amity up to get her somewhere more comfortable, before she realized it was a little late for that.

She walked around the house for a bit, finding all the others were still sleeping. I guess I did go to bed a little early... What had it been? 6 PM maybe? But there was also some time where she kept tossing and turning trying to fall asleep despite her scary thoughts.

She shook her head quickly. Don’t think about that, she reminded herself. Especially not when you don’t have anybody to talk to. But they were slowly creeping back in and she could feel her pulse rising. I’m not having this happen right after I wake up, she thought stubbornly at herself.

She looked back over at Amity, quickly deciding that she needed someone to talk to and woke her up, even if it was a little selfish.

Amity had woken up to someone trudging around the house, but she tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. At least until she felt someone touch her shoulder. “Hey Amity...”

She tiredly raised her head up to look at Luz. She immediately perked up a little more, realizing she probably had terrible bedhead. Every emotion she had about Luz in the past weeks mixed together at once, and she could only respond by lying back down again and apologizing. “Sorry.”

Luz let out a small uncomfortable laugh. “Seriously, stop apologizing, I’m trying to forget what happened right now.” She put a hand on her back, making Amity feel even more conflicted. “Besides, I think you missed a ‘good morning’.”

Amity couldn’t stop herself from smiling. “So did you,” she replied, making Luz look a little sheepish, “but good morning.” She sat up, trying to rub some of the sleep crust out of her eyes. “Why did you wake me up?” She was pretty sure it couldn’t be that late. “What’s the time?”

Her friend shrugged. “Dunno.” She also rubbed her eyes slightly, before she continued. “But I know why I woke you up.” Luz sat down next to her. “I just want to talk a little bit... I’m feeling a little off.” She rubbed her arm nervously. “So... How’d you sleep?”

Amity was pretty sure she knew what she meant by feeling off, but it was clear Luz didn’t like talking about it. “Poorly.” She could feel how stiff her body was. “But I didn’t know where else to sleep... And I was maybe being a little dramatic yesterday...” She would definitely have chosen to sleep on the couch now.

Luz tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

Amity looked away, not wanting to touch on the subject, if Luz didn’t want to talk about it. “It doesn’t really matter.” She paused, thinking her decision over. Maybe I should tell Luz about how I felt yesterday. “Or, well... If you’re uncomfortable talking about yesterday it doesn’t matter.”

Luz gave a slight nod. “Oh...” Her brow furrowed. “So why did you sleep on the floor?”

Amity scratched the back of her head awkwardly. “I didn’t feel like I deserved a better place to sleep.”

Immediately Luz’s eyes turned sad, and Amity moved away. “Amity, I’m alright, you don’t need to keep being so harsh on yourself.”

Amity kept herself from saying anything, despite her thoughts screaming that Luz was supposed to hate her now. It doesn’t make any sense... she thought, looking over at Luz, before she finally said something. “It feels like you should hate me now.”

Luz got a much more sympathetic look in her eyes, before she gave a small smile. “I know how that feels.” She let out a tiny laugh, looking like she was about to say something before she bit it back. She thought over her words, before she continued. “I feel like that about the smallest things sometimes.”

Amity had to take a second to think about it. “But what I did was so much worse.”

Luz moved a bit closer to her. “Yeah, obviously? But I already told you that I’m alright.” She sighed. “You don’t need to worry about me.” Luz scratched her hand slightly, as she looked at her. “I know it sounds a bit out of nowhere, but would you like a hug?”

Amity had to give it a few seconds of thought, before she nodded.

She unsurely let herself hug Luz back, leaning into her. It felt nice to be held like that, and hold onto someone after all that had happened. Just knowing that she still had someone she could consider a real friend helped a lot. Though the thought that Luz was just a friend did make her feel a little sad, she felt like it was enough for her in that moment.

Amity was the first to try to pull away, but Luz held on a little longer, making Amity hug her back again. It felt like Luz also needed the hug a lot.

Eventually both of them let go, and Amity could see that Luz was about to cry again. Amity hesitated unsurely, before gently took Luz’s hand in hers, like Luz had tried to do for her the other day.

Immediately Luz tightened her grip around her fingers, making Amity wince, but she let Luz clutch onto her hand. If it makes her feel better I can stand it for a bit. It didn’t hurt that much; it just surprised her a little.

Luz loosened her grip slightly, as she looked at Amity. “It’s so- scary...” she sobbed, immediately tightening her grip again. “I just can’t imagine the fact that it’s all going to be over... That one day I won’t be here anymore.” Luz squeezed her eyes shut, gasping for breath. “One day my mom is going to die, and what if I never make it home to see her again?”

Amity didn’t know what to say. “I think you will.” Luz gripped her hand even tighter. “I don’t think I get your feelings about death, but if you really want to make it home; you can do it.”

Luz looked down at her own hand. “I wish things could be like this forever... But with my mom here.” She let go of Amity’s hand, looking into her eyes. “Then everyone could be here with me and none of us would have to die...” She sniffled quietly. “But I know that’s stupid to think.”

Amity looked at Luz, hating that she couldn’t do anything to make her feel better. She wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay, but she couldn’t say that. Luz was worried about death, something that was inevitable. She took a deep breath. “I’m going to be here for you as long as you need.”

Luz managed a weak smile, but didn’t say anything else.

They sat like that for a while, before Luz spoke up again. “You mean a lot to me, you know?”

“I do?�� questioned Amity, not sure what to think about it. “Even after what I did?”

Luz nodded, “it does make me feel a little strange... But I’m happy that you’re here with me.” She shifted the way she was sitting slightly. “I don’t want to be weird, but... It makes me feel really... warm and fuzzy when I think about you.”

Amity stared at Luz, before she pushed the thought she was having away. “It’s not weird, except for your childish wording” she teased slightly, while trying not to get too hopeful. “And I’m happy to be here with you too.” She decided she would shift the topic a tiny bit away. “And I get what you mean with this feeling strange... It’s confusing to sit here with you, after what I did.”

Luz fiddled with her hands, looking like she wanted to ask something. “Uhm...” she started, before her voice fell away again and she had to start over. “Do you feel the same way about me? Even with the childish wording?” Amity could tell that Luz meant exactly what she had thought.

Amity nearly choked on her own breath in surprise. Her voice caught in her throat, forcing her to nod instead. I have to be dreaming. There was no way that Luz had just asked her that.

Both of them went completely silent, not knowing what to say to each other.

Hesitantly Amity deciding to reach out for her hand again and Luz took it. For some reason it felt a lot different from how they had held hands just before. And it wasn’t just the lack of her fingers being crushed.

As Amity looked up into Luz’s eyes; she noticed her smile had a bit of sadness to it. Immediately her own smile faded. “I wish I could do something to make you feel better...”

Luz bowed her head slightly. “I’m just happy you’re here with me.”

That would have to be good enough for both of them.

***

That’s the end! Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please leave a like! I love seeing that people like my stories! :3

Have a fantastic day/night! <3

#safe vore #sfw vore #non-fatal vore #gt vore #T0H vore

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