#like when i think about it eddie already knows hes in love with buck he just doesnt know hes in love with buck like. gay style

[inawickedlittletown]

From Loaves to Love -BuckTommy (one-shot)

Summary: Set during 8x07, Eddie sends Tommy a picture of Buck's baked good filled fridge. Fix-it fic. A continuation for the snippet I posted this morning. Words: 2.9k Read on Ao3

-

Tommy receives a picture of a fridge full of baked goods. Mostly, from what he can tell, loaves. The picture comes from Eddie without a caption. It takes a while for him to realize that the fridge is familiar because it belongs to Evan.

Eddie texts him a few minutes later:

Every time he thinks about calling you, he bakes something instead.

Tommy has a little bit of a breakdown about that because maybe in his mind he'd thought that Evan would already be over it, over them. He'd been not hoping for it, but expecting it, even while he knew that he would probably have a few more cries about it and that any reminder of Evan was enough to make his heart hurt.

The thing is that Evan isn’t really a baker. Or at least, he hadn’t been in the six months that they were dating. He’d been busy from the looks of it. He’s still looking at the picture when Lucy plops down next to him. 

“What’s happening there?” 

Baked every time he thought about calling Tommy. He doesn’t even fight when Lucy grabs the phone out of his hand and scrolls back on his texts with Eddie. 

It’s been the only form of communication he’s had with anyone from the 118. He was thankful for Eddie and for the way that he’d reached out the day after the break up not to demand anything of Tommy, but to ask how he was doing. 

Tommy had texted him back after some consideration. In all their back and forth, they hadn’t discussed it or Evan. Tommy hadn’t allowed himself to ask, not sure if he wanted an answer. 

“What are you going to do?” Lucy asked. 

“What do you mean?” 

Lucy fixed him with a look. “Tommy, you’ve been moping for days. Clearly he is too. Neither of you wants this.” 

“It’s for the best,” Tommy said and he didn’t even know if he believed that anymore. 

He’d believed it in the moment, had been so absolutely sure that it was the right move for both of their sakes and yet…

“You’re running,” Lucy said. “I know…I know you’ve been hurt before, but this time you’re not just hurting yourself. You’re hurting Buck too.”

“He’ll get over it. I’ll…I’ll get over it.” 

Her eyes bore into him even as she handed him his phone back. “Thomas, you’re in love with him.” 

—

Buck had bought all the baking supplies when he’d decided he’d take a stab at making Tommy a birthday cake. That had been before his heart was wrenched out of his chest and given a few stomps for good measure. That was before Buck decided to Buck things up by pushing for more too quickly and before Tommy decided that it was better if they ended things before Buck could end it in the future.

He didn’t bake a birthday cake. 

Instead, he baked a banana bread with the bananas that were going spotty. He discovered that being busy and having to pay attention to something like the recipe kept his mind off Tommy. Except that Tommy came rushing back into his head afterwards. 

Buck almost called him. Wanted to. Wished he could hear his voice and his laugh and that they could fix it. 

Fear stopped him. Fear that Tommy had blocked his number. Fear that he wouldn’t pick up. Fear that he would and that he’d tell Buck not to call. Fear that he would call him Buck again instead of Evan. Fear that Buck would be sent to voicemail and that he would say something he couldn’t take back. 

So, he didn’t call. 

Instead, Buck baked a pumpkin loaf. Then an apple loaf. Then a walnut and date loaf. That was when he realized he was out of flour and also that hand mixing was not ideal. 

He called Eddie. 

It had taken him hours before he told Eddie what happened. Eddie hadn’t said much, but he’d offered Buck the couch and then went out and got them breakfast the next morning. Eddie was the one to tell the rest of the 118 and when Buck begged for Eddie to check on Tommy, Eddie just hit his shoulder. 

“I already did,” he’d said. 

Buck didn’t talk about Tommy again. 

“What’s going on, Buck?” Eddie asked over the phone. 

“I need you to come to Costco with me.”

“Costco?” Eddie asked and after a pause. “Yeah. Alright. I’ll even drive.” 

Eddie didn’t say anything when Buck bought the twenty-five pound bag of flour or the bottle of vanilla extract, or the sugar, or the bags of nuts. He did raise his eyebrow when Buck picked up a Kitchen-Aid mixer. 

“What is all this, Buck?” 

“I just…I need to do something.” 

“So you’re starting your own bakery?” 

After they got everything up to his apartment, Buck sent Eddie home with all the bread he’d made the night before. Eddie didn’t say a word, but he did look like he wanted to say something. A few days later, Buck thought that he’d gotten quite good at making different types of loaves. He’d even branched out and found more interesting and complicated recipes. 

He did have to take a second trip to Costco to get more eggs when he got it in his head that he should attempt a baked alaska.

Buck did think he saw Eddie take a picture of the contents of his fridge the night he came over to play video games. 

Maddie and Chim both didn’t seem to get it. When she said the universe would give him someone special, did she not realize that it had already happened? That Buck had somehow still managed to blow it and that Tommy wasn’t leaving his heart anytime soon? That not calling him was Buck trying not to push where he wasn’t wanted? That not calling was Buck letting Tommy have what he wanted. 

And yeah, Buck had been thinking about what Tommy said after Buck not being his last and how he needed to explore. It was bullshit, but if that was what it took…if he could prove to Tommy he’d tried to find whatever it was he was supposed to find with other people then…

The logic was dumb. 

After they left, making him promise he’d cut back on the baking, Buck went back to baking. He made brownies and took them right into work the next day alongside a banana bread, a walnut loaf, a zucchini bread, and a pumpkin spice loaf. 

—

The knock on his door was in a quick rhythm and Tommy almost didn’t answer. He’d been wallowing a bit because they’d had plans for tonight. Plans to celebrate his birthday, no less. 

Tommy hadn’t celebrated many birthdays in his adulthood. There had never been much of a point, but Evan had wanted to plan out a date for them and now…now Tommy was all alone in his house wallowing. Moping. Rethinking his whole life. 

“Coming,” he called out when the knocking started again. 

He was not expecting Hen and Karen. No kiddos in sight to see the state of him at least. Tommy was a mess. He’d changed into sweats and a tank the moment he got home. His hair was a mess. His eyes probably looked red rimmed and exhausted. 

“Hi,” he said. “What are you—”

“Happy Birthday,” Karen said. 

“Oh? Uh, come in.” 

Tommy didn’t even realize they had a small box with them until Hen plopped it on his kitchen counter. 

“What is that?” 

“You broke it, and suddenly we’re all on the verge of becoming diabetics and it was just Halloween so we’ve all had more than enough sugar. But it’s your birthday and we figured you should get a taste of what you’re created.” 

“What?” 

Out of the box came bread loaves. Muffins. Cookies. Brownies. Hand pies. Were those meringues? No cake, though. 

“He bought a Kitchen Aid. He’s becoming some sort of baking machine,” Hen said. “All because he can’t bear to think about you.” 

That went right to his chest. Lucy wasn’t wrong. Tommy did love him. Tommy was in love with him. 

Looking at Karen and Hen, he wondered if they would understand where he was coming from. 

“I was his first boyfriend,” he said. 

“We’re aware,” Karen said. 

“So, then…then you know what that means. He’s been out for…for six months and he doesn’t have any other experience except for with me. How is that fair to him? To me? One day he’ll realize and then that’ll be that.”

“You’re a dumbass for thinking that,” Karen said. 

“My wife is usually right about things,” Hen said. 

Tommy groaned. “He put me on a pedestal. He doesn’t know it, but he sees me as his gay mentor and he’s confusing that with…with, I don’t even know. I just — I had to put a stop to it before—”

“Before you got hurt,” Hen finished for him. 

“Looks like you didn’t avoid that,” Karen offered. “Did you talk to him about any of this? You guys were together for six months, what was the point if you were always going to just leave in the end?” 

Tommy hadn’t even realized he was crying, but he was. “It’s not like I planned it. It was…it surprised me too. He asked me to move in with him and he was talking getting engaged and married and—”

“Wait…wait, he asked you to move in? How do you go from that to breaking up?” 

Tommy couldn’t explain about the Abby thing and he couldn’t explain about how he wasn’t the guy that got forever and how he wasn’t the guy that deserved someone like Evan. He couldn’t explain about how much it freaked him out to think that Evan could jump right to moving in together before they had even said that they loved each other as if Tommy were just some kind of place holder until Evan found someone else. Someone better. Explaining that would make him be seen and Tommy…he didn’t know that he wanted to be seen even if Hen and Karen could understand where he was coming from. 

“Look, talk to him. Please,” Hen said. 

“This is just a bump in the road. The two of you, you’d never looked happier than you have in the last six months,” Karen added. 

“I…I don’t know.” 

—

Buck ran out of sugar. 

Jee was partially to blame because she’d spilled some the night he had her as a helper. It was 3am and Buck supposed that there was probably somewhere open that he could get some sugar, but he was down to just his underwear and the plaid shirt Tommy had left behind that didn’t even smell like Tommy anymore and wasn’t that just unfair. Plus, his oven was on and Buck didn’t want to leave it on while he went out to get sugar. It would be just his luck that he’d be back and his apartment was one fire. 

Eddie probably had sugar. Buck didn’t want to bother him. 

Chim and Maddie would judge. 

Bobby might bring some over or he might just tell Buck to go to sleep. 

He couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t stop thinking about Tommy. Missed him. Wanted him. 

Buck grabbed his phone and he went right to messages and typed:

Ran out of sugar. Do you have any? 

Sent it to Eddie. 

No response. 

He wandered over to his couch and…Tommy had slept there just a few weeks ago because he didn’t want to leave Buck on his own. No one had ever done that for him before, cared enough to stay and cared enough to give a damn. Buck wiped at his eyes. It wasn’t fair. 

When he broke up with Natalia he had felt free. When he broke up with Taylor he’d felt like he was finally choosing himself. Ali leaving had been clouded with so much else that Buck had hardly been able to think about the break up because his leg was in a cast and his future was in question. Abby…well that had been devastating and yet this…this was worse. So much worse. 

His phone pinged. 

He fished it out of his pocket and oh no…he…the text hadn’t been sent to Eddie. He’d sent it to Tommy. 

Yes. 

Oh no. And he was typing. And not typing. Typing. Then…nothing. No message. No more typing. No call. Tommy was bubbling him again. 

Buck dropped onto the couch with a groan. At least Hen and Eddie weren’t there to try and steal his phone again. This time, Buck didn’t even want to call. 

After all the times he stopped himself from reaching out, that was what he sent? A text asking for sugar? 

When the knock came at his door, he went to open the door, reluctantly. A part of him almost didn’t even expect it to be Tommy but of course…of course it was Tommy standing there in his pajamas with just one of his flannels open over it all, in each hand a container of sugar. Brown and white. 

“You didn’t have to,” Buck began. 

“It sounded desperate,” Tommy said. “Hi, Evan.”

“Come in,” Buck said. 

Tommy stepped inside and Buck closed the door, trying to gather himself. In the light of his kitchen, he could see that Tommy looked if nothing else tired. The skin under his eyes was dark, like he hadn’t been able to sleep. Buck could relate. Tommy was taking him in too and that made him feel the tiniest bit self conscious about his lack of pants. 

“So, you’ve taken up baking.” 

“Yeah.” 

“That’s not a normal response to a break up.”

Buck laughed. He laughed because he might cry if he didn’t. 

“Do you want me to be like you, then? All unbothered at the end of the best six months of my life? Is that it? Oh, wait…no, you want me to go find myself or something? Sleep around and what, go back to being the himbo that Abby dated after you left her? Except I guess now I can sleep with men and women, somehow I don’t think it will go any differently.” 

“Evan,” Tommy said and his voice was gentle and sad and there were tears in his eyes. 

“I can’t do that,” Buck said and his voice broke. “I can’t. I can’t. I miss you. I want you. I wanted to bake you a birthday cake and since I couldn’t do that I baked everything else and it still isn’t enough.”

“Oh, Evan,” Tommy said and he set down the sugar and opened his arms, giving Buck the option. 

—

Evan rushed into his arms, burying his head in Tommy’s shoulder, tears and all. His arms clutched at him and Tommy didn’t think that Evan was likely to let him go any time soon. It didn’t matter, because Tommy wanted to hold onto him too. 

“I’m sorry,” Tommy said. “I’m so sorry. I did this to us.” 

Evan nodded against him. “I didn’t help,” he muttered. 

“When you texted me tonight…the thought of you up at this hour baking, I got worried and I’ve been literally doing anything possible to stop myself from driving over since that night. I had to come. I had to see you.” He took a breath and couldn’t hold it in any more. “I love you, Evan.” 

“You love me,” Evan said back, pulling back, staring at him with that amazed look in his eyes like he couldn’t quite believe it. 

His hands reached for Tommy’s face. “I guess it’s a good thing I love you too. And I am never letting you go, again.” 

Their kiss was reminiscent of the first. It was even happening near where that kiss had happened. It was gentle, soft, full of so much wonderment and feeling. Neither of them willing to push it into more because this was what they needed. There was so much to talk about and so much to consider and work on and yet, Tommy wasn’t afraid of that as much as he was afraid of giving up on this. On them. On Evan. 

He’d lived a little over a week without Evan and even that was too much. 

“I’m still not moving in with you,” Tommy informed Evan after a few more shared kisses.

“Oh. Yeah, I jumped the shark on that a little.” 

“You also forgot to consider that I own my house and you rent,” Tommy said. 

“So, how about this, nothing changes and we communicate more. You decide when you want us to move in together because we will. One day. You may be the first dude I’ve ever dated, but I think you can be the last too.” 

He kissed Evan again and Evan moaned into the kiss. They were interrupted when the oven timer went off. 

“I thought you ran out of sugar?” Tommy asked. 

“I was going to make apple pie,” Evan said. “That’s cupcakes.” 

He let Evan go take them out of the oven and out of curiosity began to look around. Opened the fridge. He couldn’t even begin to count how much Evan had managed to bake. 

“What are you planning on doing with all of this?” 

“I have no idea,” Evan said. “Donate it?”  

Tommy just laughed. “Yeah, Evan, I’m sure someone will appreciate it. Those cupcakes are mine, though.” 

“Yeah,” Evan said. “Happy birthday, by the way,”

Tommy ate the first cupcake before it had cooled and without any frosting. “Hmmm. Delicious.” 

[lover-of-mine]

hi! let me just start by saying I've been seeing your posts about wardrobe and color theory a lot lately and i LOVE them so thank you for posting!

you mentioned, in a reply to an ask, that white is Eddie's color when he's going through emotional moments. i was wondering if those are usually negative (maybe the white shirt from the birthday video will be about something related to chris?) or does he ever wear white in other moments? sorry if it's a bit of a complicated question 😅

Hi!! Okay, first of all, thank you for reading!! The white with Eddie is interesting, they're not negative as a rule, but they are usually transformative in a sense. A white moment I didn't add to the other post, mostly because I already had this image, is right before the tsunami.

I personally think they are using white with Eddie for beginnings, in a sense. Eddie was always written as a widow archetype in mind, even when Shannon was still alive, so I think her funeral is a beginning for Eddie since her death defines his character. The tsunami is a beginning because it kickstart buddie the way we know it, he's is starting the arc that makes Buck his coparent. The outside looking in dinner kickstarts his breakdown arc. The scene with Kim kickstarts him deconstructing himself. The scene with Weston's dad is the start of Eddie's arc starting to figure out who he is. Is about beginning to change.

White is used for simplicity, purity, honesty, stuff like that. But I think they use the way they use it with Eddie is about the ending of a cycle and the beginning of the next, kinda like the way we use white for new years for example. It's a clean slate for Eddie to be built upon. And that pairs with my theory that Eddie is finding his yellow (you can read about that here), they are playing with lighter shades with him, until he figures himself out.

I will taglist this one (interact with this post if you wanna get tagged)

@sparkedblaze @caw-salem @dreamofsomepiphany @100ceruleaneyes @linus-lucy @chaosqueery @gina-spike @chimchiminie98 @elvensorceress @singitforthegirls @dangerpronebuddie @182daysof @steadfastsaturnsrings @sparklespiff @inell @miles--to--go @jesuisici33 @wolfdeans @lunarsolar1 @joshwritesfics @glasscities @kejfeblintz @stagefoureddiediaz @mosaicstardust @eddiedisasterdiaz @hermioneindisguise @queerprincesseddiediaz @lookforanewangle @becausebuckley @lemotmo @thenainitaldisaster @epiaphany @trudayss @shelfthe-reader @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @buckgettingstruck @scoupsahoy @the-whispers-of-death @iced-coffee-jesus @izzysbeans

@dingdongfries @angelcamael

[schrijverr]

No, Daddy, I Want Papi’s Helmet

Divergence from chapter 18 to 19, where Chris gives the secret away when he’s staying at the 118 firehouse after Abuela broke her hip. In this universe, the PT switch didn’t happen, facilitating the reveal.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (pre-slash)

Warnings: ableism mention, homophobia mention

~~~

Eddie buckles Chris in with tense shoulders and Buck wishes he could make it better, wishes he never suggested it with Chris in hearing range, because then Eddie wouldn’t have felt obliged to say yes.

Buck could have just gone back to the station and convinced Bobby that Eddie really needed to stay with his Abuela and he’d be fine without a partner for the day. He feels like an idiot for opening his big mouth and making Eddie uncomfortable. Both of them know the chances of any of this ending well are improbably low.

So, he anxiously watches Eddie fuss with the seatbelt, before he closes the car door. Wanting to know where his head is at, before they walk into the lion’s den, Buck asks: “What are you thinking?”

“That this is going to be a shit show,” Eddie answers honestly, rubbing his face.

“It’s not determined they’re going to find out.”

“He calls you papi, Buck.”

Okay, yeah, that is a fair point. It’s pretty damning if a child you’ve supposedly only known exists for a week or two calls you papi. People are going to want an explanation and Buck isn’t going to be able to come up with a good one that doesn’t give everything away. If Chris was still a baby and couldn’t talk, this whole thing would be easier.

The thought triggers a heartbreaking idea in his brain, but he still has to say it. Has to offer Eddie this out, even if it will tear himself to shreds inside. “We can ask him not to do that. It’s only for a little over an hour by the time we get there,” he suggests, aiming for causal and probably missing by a mile.

“That’s not fair on you.” Eddie is already shaking his head before Buck is done talking. For a moment, Buck fears Eddie found him out, but then Eddie adds. “And what sort of message would we be sending if they did find out? I don’t want Hen to think we’re raising Chris to be homophobic, just because we’re straight.”

It’s adorable how determined Eddie looks. Every time Buck is reminded how hard Eddie is trying to be a better father than his own, Buck falls in love with him all over again.

“Alright,” he says. “We’ll leave this one up for the universe, then. But we should probably get the good kind of bribery coffee. We’re probably gonna need it.”

Eddie throws his head back in a laugh, before he agrees. Then they get into the car and drive off, Buck behind the wheel as always.

Buck pulls up into everyone’s favorite coffee shop that they usually don’t go to, since it’s slightly out of their way. Both of them are nervous, that much is clear, even if they try not to be. While he waits in line, he calls Bobby, explaining the situation as vaguely as he can, while still getting the results he needs.

He’s pretty sure Eddie is as nervous as he is when they get to the firehouse, but if he’s nervous, Eddie will only get more nervous and if they’re both nervous, Chris will get nervous. So, he stuffs any sort of nervousness down and plasters on a big smile as he gets out the car and waits for Eddie to help Chris out of his seat.

They’re going to give this some semblance of a try, so Buck doesn’t walk as near as he usually does, when they enter under the curious gazes of the others.

His own shoulders want to tense, but he stops them and Eddie relaxes slightly when he seems at ease, so he keeps it up. He loudly greets everyone as he usually would. Normalcy is key. “We come bearing bribery coffee.”

“I would say who cares about coffee when you’re bringing such an esteemed guest, but I really need my caffeine fix,” Hen jokes, a big gentle smile on her face.

She probably knows how nerve wracking it is to introduce people to your kid and Buck smiles at the gesture. He is about to make a joke about Chris being way more important than some coffee and more than enough of a fix to get you through the day, but stops himself. It’s not his place right now.

Eddie, however, is in sync with him as ever and picks up on it. Clumsily joking in his stead: “Hey, Chris is way better than coffee.” He looks slightly mortified at himself, but Buck and Chris both grin widely.

However, no one else seems to notice and Hen just laughs quietly: “I believe you,” before she turns to Chris and holds out her hand. “Hi, I’m Hen. I heard a lot about you, you’re a real smart kid.”

That was partly a lie, since Buck hadn’t been able to brag and Eddie is still private and not great at talking about emotions. But no one is going to call her out on that when Chris is smiling the way he is.

“Hello, I’m Christopher,” he says, shaking her hand. “You’re really cool. Daddy and papi say so.”

Hen pauses for a second at that and Buck and Eddie both hold their breath. She quickly glances over to Eddie – they worked hard for Buck to not even be considered – and sees his the apprehension, before quickly covering any reaction and smiling as she tells Eddie: “Oh, I like him.”

Their shoulders relax. Buck assumes that Hen must think Chris just accidentally outed Eddie and is helping him by pretending to not have noticed. He appreciates that about her, not just because it works in their favor.

Chimney follows her lead, sending a quick glance between her and Eddie, before swooping in. “Hey, what about me? I’m cool.” He holds out his hand. “I’m Chimney.”

“Chimney! I know you. You have a silly name,” Chris informs him seriously, getting laughs from everyone.

The tension has been broken and Chris easily accepted without any realizations. Buck thinks they might actually get through this okay, going to grin at Eddie, only to find him looking choked up at the three moving towards the stairs as Chris asks all about the ambulance.

Buck knows how nervous Eddie always is about people meeting Chris. Not because he is ashamed of him, but because people always seem to judge Eddie as if there is something wrong with him, with both of them, which is fucking terrible and makes Buck want to deck whoever makes Eddie feel like that.

Getting this easy acceptance from everyone must mean the world for him. Buck should know, he’s in the same boat. There isn’t anything to say, though, so Buck just gives his shoulder a comforting squeeze, before jogging to catch up with everyone.

Chris is determined to get up the stairs by himself and Buck easily lets him as Chris chats away about what he’s studying at school and what his daddy and papi told him about the trucks, asking a thousand more questions about the ambulances, since Hen and Chimney know them better.

Every time he mentions papi and daddy, he sees how Hen and Chimney send looks to Eddie, clearly waiting for him to acknowledge it, but he never does. Buck is pretty sure they’re dying to ask, but aren’t going to with Chris there. It makes him dread what will happen after Maddie comes to pick him up.

From how Chris is talking, it’s clear that both his dads are firefighters. When it comes to fun facts – of which Chris has many, Buck is so proud of him – Chris always starts with ‘Papi said…’ And Buck is pretty sure none of them are buying that Eddie has been supplying him with those facts.

In these moments, Buck is glad Chris was too young to realize it’s a little odd that Buck is papi, because that might be the only thing throwing everyone off their scent right now.

Then Bobby comes over and Buck’s stomach tightens. This will be another hurdle. Jovially, Bobby says: “What’s this? I don’t remember asking the chief for reinforcements. You any good with a hose, kid?”

“I can try,” Chris smiles and everyone chuckles.

“Alright,” Bobby smiles back, because Chris’s smile is infectious.

And even though Buck knows that Bobby doesn’t know that’s his kid too, it makes him fly that Bobby seems to be taken with him immediately. Buck craves Bobby’s approval so bad and having Bobby approve of his kid is the best feeling.

Eddie on the other hand, tenses and gets up as he explains: “So sorry, Cap. Maddie, uhm, Buck’s sister is getting off work early so she can take him, before my tía can, but you know LA traffic, so until then w- I- I didn’t know where to take him.”

“Yeah, you did. Right here. Buck gave me a heads up. I already cleared it with the chief,” Bobby says, nodding towards Buck, who smiles at Eddie, trying not to look too love struck when Eddie looks back with those big, beautiful brown eyes.

For a moment, it looks like Eddie is going to cry, but the attention gets pulled away from him before he does by Bobby asking: “Did you get a tour of the trucks yet, kid?”

“No,” Chris answers, hopefully excited.

“Well then, what do you say about a tour?” Bobby asks him.

“Can I?” Chris asks immediately, looking absolutely thrilled at the idea. He hasn’t caught on that no one seems to realize Buck is also his dad, and while he directs the question at both of them, he looks over at Eddie first, since he’s standing next to Bobby.

“Course, we can look at the trucks,” Eddie smiles.

Before Chris can look to him for confirmation as well, Buck grabs Chris under his armpits and swings him over the back of the couch, putting him on his feet again with a, “Let’s go, Superman!” getting a delighted shriek from Chris as expected.

It’s probably a little too familiar for a kid that he supposedly doesn’t know that well, but Buck ignores whatever looks get send his way. He loves kids. And he loves this kid in particular. It already sucks enough that he can’t be as loudly proud as he wants to be. Let him have this.

Eddie steps up next to him soon enough, asking: “Wanna walk downstairs by yourself too, mijo?”

“No. Carry me?” Chris asks and Buck is so proud of him. They’ve raised him well, asking for what he wants, what he needs, when he has to, and doing it by himself when he can and wants to.

“Yeah, here.” Eddie sweeps Chris up in his arms, putting him on his hips and handing his crutches over to Buck with practiced ease.

It’s so natural that neither of them even realize they shouldn’t be doing that here, until Chimney claps Buck on the back and grins: “Always in sync, you two, huh?”

“Haha, I guess,” Buck blushes, hurrying down the stairs after Eddie and Chris before anyone can study his face too closely.

While Chris had the most questions about the ambulances, he wants to see the engine and ladder truck the most. It’s what he’s heard all the stories about it. And he wants to do it on his own, demanding to be put down, the second they get downstairs. Buck is glad he hurried after them, so he can hand Chris his crutches before he even has to ask for them.

Chris clatters over to the engine, looking at all the stuff that he can see, excitedly pointing at the hose as he says: “It has a loop, just like you said!”

“You know why, kid?” Bobby asks, looking pleased that his way of doing things is important enough to Chris to get pointed out by him.

“Papi said it’s because if you leave a loop and stick your arm through, it makes for a faster carry and speed is important,” Chris recites.

“That’s right,” Bobby smiles.

Chris proceeds to ask more questions, already being way more knowledgeable about the vehicles than most kids his age. He’s been hearing firefighter stories for a year and a half already and when Buck’s excited about a topic, he pulls Chris with him and vise versa. They feed on each other’s curiosity and energy.

Just when they think they’re getting off scot free, Chris wanders over to where everyone’s turnouts are gasping: “Can I try on a real firefighter helmet?”

“Of course, here you go,” Eddie says, grabbing his own, even though Chris is standing in front of Buck’s helmet, and moving to put it on his head.

“No, daddy, I want papi’s helmet,” Chris protest. “You’re still a probie, he’s a real-real firefighter.”

Buck is pretty sure that if the ‘oh fuck’ didn’t hit Eddie at that moment, he would have been more offended by that, going to give Buck a playful glare, before what Chris said registers and he instead looks at everyone else with wide eyes.

There’s a beat of silence wherein everyone tries to piece together what they just heard and process what that means. Their eyes rapidly go from Chris to Eddie to Buck, then back to Eddie to Buck again, then to Chris.

Fuck, we’re so caught, Buck thinks.

However, the silence isn’t over yet and he’s not going to let Chris feel like he did something wrong. So, he acts like this isn’t a huge thing that just got revealed, instead smiling at Chris as he grabs his own helmet and carefully puts it on Chris’s head. “There you go, Superman, a real-real firefighter helmet. Way cooler than daddy’s probie helmet, right?”

Eddie catches on to what he’s doing, unfreezing himself and forcing himself to act casual. “You know there’s no difference between the helmets, right? I also have a real-real firefighter helmet.”

“I know,” Chris smiles, looking absolutely adorable in the over-sized helmet. “Papi said only the Captain has a different helmet, but it’s about the idea.”

It seems that a repeat of ‘papi said’ is enough to unpause the others, who have been watching Buck and Eddie brush this whole thing off with great confusion. It was such a smooth blasé turn of events that they almost started to think they imagined it. But no, Chris is still very much there, in Buck’s helmet, calling him papi and reciting his facts.

“Papi?” Bobby finds his voice first, though he only manages the word, butchering its pronunciation slightly.

Chris doesn’t seem to notice how the vibe has shifted very quickly and just nods proudly, helmet nearly falling off. “Daddy and papi are both firefighters, but daddy’s still on his probationary period.” He slows down on the big words, carefully sounding them out. “They’re heroes.”

Despite the situation, Buck can’t help the pleased smile and blush that appear at the declaration. It will always feel good to hear his son be so proud of him. Of both of them.

“So you- so you two…” Chim starts, then trails off, pointing between Buck and Eddie with a confused look. It’s as if he isn’t sure where to start asking.

Before anyone can figure out what to ask, the alarm starts ringing and they all stare up at the flashing lights for a second like caught animals.

Buck snaps out of it first. He knows they’re in deep shit, but they need to help people first. It’s a small fender bender, shouldn’t be anything too traumatizing to Chris, but he’s not going to make it worse by going over Bobby’s head. So, he asks: “Am I man behind, or are we taking Chris with us?”

“We can take him with us,” Bobby decides. These accidents are often nothing big, but if there are a lot of cars, they need the extra hands. And they’re already next to the trucks anyway.

Besides, while his head might still be reeling, a small part of him looks between Buck and Chris and suddenly sees all the similarities. The way Chris was religiously asking questions and spouting facts moments ago suddenly very familiar. Much like his papi, he can’t deny Chris the opportunity to see everything in action. The thought of having a grandkid intruding on his brain without his permission.

With that decision made, Buck gently pulls the helmet from Chris’s head and puts it on his own, before lifting Chris into the truck and smiling: “Save my seat, alright, buddy?”

“Sí, papi,” Chris smiles back, legs kicking excitedly at being in the truck.

The others only hear the exchange, too busy with pulling on their turnouts. Since Buck had a delayed start, the others have already climbed in when he gets there. Eddie pulls Chris onto his lap while Buck climbs in, before handing him back, so Buck can buckle him in next to him.

Everyone is watching the exchange as if it’s something alien and Buck wants to snap at them to stop it, because Chris has gotten enough of that as it is. However, he knows it’s not because of Chris that they’re looking at them like that – well, it is, but not like that – and snapping isn’t going to help them when they’re in enough trouble as it is.

They pull out of the firehouse at record speed and Chris gives a loud cheer, clearly thrilled to be a part of this. Despite the situation, Buck smiles broadly and pulls out his phone to take a picture of Chris with the huge headphones on in the back of the fire engine.

This is sadly taken as an invitation to start asking questions, of which they must have many now that everyone has had the time to gather their wits.

Hen starts it off, asking: “So, when did the whole papi thing start?” A valid question, since it would be quite the leap to have taken after learning about Eddie’s son a few weeks ago with the earthquake.

Before Buck or Eddie can start, Chris is already explaining: “Well, papi was Evan first when he worked with the chickies, but then mommy left,” Chris’s lip wobbles for a second, but he braves on, “and papi stayed forever. But he was still Evan, but then he and daddy got married and Ms. Jane said that made him my daddy too, but daddy was already daddy, so he’s papi.”

The answer does nothing to get them out of trouble, in fact, it probably only gets them deeper into trouble. However, Buck’s heart can’t help but do a happy little flip at Chris’s confidence in stating he’s staying forever.

“Married? But what about-” Chimney starts to loudly say something, before cutting himself off. He looks at Chris uncomfortably, then at Eddie, who is giving him a confused look, trying to guess what the fuck Chimney is on about.

Buck, however, can take a guess and cringes slightly. Still, the last thing he wants is for them to think they watched him cheat on Eddie for his first few months at the 118. That is never the kind of man he wants to be. Never.

So, he clarifies: “Yeah. We got married as friends. Great tax benefits and stepparent adoption. This little guy is legally half mine,” he grins, ruffling Chris’s hair.

“Uh-huh,” Chris nods excitedly. “We went to court and it was all official and we went to the courthouse too. They made daddy and papi kiss, it was really silly.”

Both Eddie and Buck blush at the reminder, though Buck supposes they’re blushing for very different reasons. He’s honestly happy if his wedding day kiss is the only kiss he’ll ever get. He treasures the memory. Eddie probably not so much. Buck tries not to think about it.

Hen looks between the two of them, clearly not believing it. She says: “You got married for the tax benefits and for adoption?” her voice asking why the fuck they would do that.

“Yup,” Buck answers, trying to act casual. Chris is still right there and they’ve already dragged up Shannon leaving today, he wants to spare him as many reminders, but he needs the others to stop asking questions. So, he slings his arm around Chris and smiles at him, Chris smiling back. “So, me and Superman here could continue to hang out while daddy was out saving people, isn’t that right?”

“Yeah!” Chris cheers, thankfully taking the comment as not something to be sad about because papi isn’t sad about it. “Daddy took care of everyone, giving band aids to all the soldiers.”

Realization dawns on everyone’s faces as they figure out Buck raised Chris while Eddie was out on his tour in the army. Eddie looks like he always does when someone reminds him of having to leave Chris behind; devastated, but locking it up. However, is face softens slightly at Chris’s unwavering support and recount of what he did.

The air gets awkward now, everyone unsure what to ask, wanting to get all the details, but not wanting to interrogate Buck and Eddie in front of their kid.

After a few moments, Bobby clears his throat and changes the subject, telling them about the accident they’re driving up to. He also tells Chris all about the headsets and the communication system, with as much flair as he usually has for school trips, maybe a little more. Seeing it makes Buck’s heart warm and he hopes they haven’t fucked it all up entirely.

They arrive at the accident and everyone gets out. Except for Eddie and Chris after a look between him and Buck to check who’s gonna stay behind with him.

As Buck walks away, he hears Bobby say: “I’ll watch Chris. I need you out there with Buck. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of him.”

“Yeah, daddy, you got to have papi’s back, right?” Chris says, which must be enough to convince Eddie, because soon enough he’s at Buck’s side.

While they work, they keep their heads down and stay quiet. Both feel like scolded school boys and they don’t want to get more attention on them than necessary.

From time to time they shoot a look towards Chris, who looks to be having the time of his life listening to Bobby, who is smiling as well as he explains what’s going on. Buck hopes that’s a good sign, hopes that means Bobby isn’t too mad at them. At him. Buck hates the idea of Bobby being mad at him.

Hen and Chimney go with the ambulance to a nearby hospital with one of their patients, so it’s just the four of them in the rig back. Bobby is allowing Chris to sit up front with him, letting him pull the horn even though he’s usually against such frivolous use of equipment, much to Chris’s delight.

Both Buck and Eddie watch nervously, with Eddie sending Buck a look asking ‘what does that mean?’ and Buck sending a look back that conveys ‘I don’t know, but maybe something good?’

When they get to the firehouse, Buck gets a notification on his phone. “Maddie says she’s held up and is going to be a little later.”

“Looks like you’re going to be hanging out with us a little longer, kid,” Bobby tells Chris.

“I don’t mind,” Chris grins broadly.

“Of course, you don’t,” Eddie says fondly, ruffling Chris’s curls. “The inside of the rig can be dirty, so let’s go wash our hands, yeah?”

“Okay,” Chris says easily and follows Eddie out of the way, leaving Buck alone with Bobby.

He can’t blame him for the smooth escape. Still, he is nervous when he turns to Bobby and asks: “So…”

“You have a good kid,” Bobby starts, surprising him. “I see he gets his curiosity from you.”

Buck flushes with pride as well as embarrassment. “Oh, uh- Chris isn’t mine. Well, not biologically, I- I don’t think-”

“Buck,” Bobby cuts him off. “You still have an impact on him. You’ve been raising him for quite a while already from what I understand. He gets things from you.”

“Thank you, then,” Buck says with a bashful smile, before he carefully checks: “So, you’re not mad?”

“Oh, no, I’m pissed off you’d keep something like this from all of us when Eddie started working here, but I do hope you didn’t keep this from us before that, because we made you uncomfortable.”

“No, no, that was me getting in my own head,” Buck assures him. “I knew you guys wouldn’t judge, I just didn’t know how to explain. And I am sorry, you know. For lying about it. We just wanted to work together and we thought you’d retract the offer if you knew.”

“I probably would have,” Bobby agrees. “But you two can clearly keep it professional in the field and your teamwork is truly something. If it’s not romantic, I can make a case for you two to the brass.”

Buck blushes again, twisting feeling in his gut. “Oh, no, it’s definitely nothing romantic. Just two married guys, being friends.” He wants to smack himself in the face for his reply. He’s not even lying, but he is being weird about it and Bobby is going to see right through him.

“Uh-huh,” Bobby raises a brow. Then too conversationally, he asks: “So was Eddie the girl, who was in that trap with her parents?”

At that, Buck freezes, he had all but forgotten about that. And he didn’t think Bobby would have remembered either. However, he’s totally right and now both of them know it and Buck basically confessed to wanting more with Eddie. Shit.

“You love him, don’t you?” Bobby asks. Before he can answer, he adds: “Now, don’t lie to me. I see it in the way you look at him, even before I knew all this.”

Buck panics slightly and he says: “You can’t tell him.”

“I won’t,” Bobby promises, putting a hand on his shoulder. “But remember what I said back then, I said you’re ready to have those things and, by how you’re raising Chris, you were more than ready. You stepped inside with Eddie a long time ago. You’re ready for a next step too.”

“Thank you, Bobby, but it’s not like that for Eddie. He’s my best friend, but nothing else. He’s straight, it’s not going to happen,” Buck answers.

“I wouldn’t count it out.” Bobby says cryptically, before clapping him on the back and walking off. On his way to the loft, he runs into Eddie and Chris and he asks: “You up for a grilled cheese, kid?”

“Yes, please,” Chris cheers.

“Then let’s go,” Bobby smiles the two of them going up the stairs.

Meanwhile Eddie makes his way over to Buck so he can get out of his turnouts, Buck also still dressed in his own. He must look kind of stupid, the way he stands there, because Eddie pauses and asks: “Are you okay? Did Bobby say anything?” He looks more and more nervous. “Are we fired?”

That snaps Buck out of it and he quickly says: “No, no, not fired. Bobby’s gonna make a case for us with the brass, since it’s not romantic. He is pissed though. That we lied.”

“Okay, that’s good,” Eddie nods, oblivious to Buck’s crisis as he steps out of his turnouts.

Not wanting to seem weird, Buck quickly follows his lead, until they’re walking up the stairs, shoulders knocking into each other. It’s comforting. Familiar. Buck doesn’t want to lose that. He studies Eddie, trying to see what Bobby saw, but he can’t find it. It’s just Eddie, as he’s always been.

Naturally, Eddie notices him looking, giving him two wide, confused, beautiful brown doe eyes as he asks: “Do I have something on my face or something?”

“Nah,” Buck says casually after a few moments, “just trying to imagine what you’d look like as a real-real firefighter.”

Immediately Eddie’s expression falls into something more deadpan and annoyed. “You put that idea in his head, you know, with your probie bullshit.”

“I don’t know, Eddie, seems to me like you just still have a ways to go,” Buck grins with as much little shit energy as he can.

“You’re the worst,” Eddie grins back, pushing him slightly, though immediately catching him, before he can do as much as stumble.

At this point, they’ve reached the top of the stairs and find Bobby presenting Chris with a plate of grilled cheeses with a flourish. “Here you go. What do you think?” he asks, awaiting Chris’s judgment.

Chris takes one bite, before he beams up. “It’s very tasty.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Bobby ruffles his curls. Buck imagines that this is what it would be like to have Bobby as a grandparent and the thought makes something twist inside him. By that time, Bobby has spotted Buck and Eddie and calls over: “You two also want a grilled cheese for lunch?”

“Yes, please,” Buck replies, shaking it off and skipping forwards.

Soon after, there’s a plate of grilled cheeses on the table and the four of them are sitting around it. The adults are listening to Chris about his latest school project, any interrogation of the family unit he’s a part of shelved for now.

At some point, Hen and Chimney return, joining the table. Chimney is still looking between Buck and Chris as if it’s the weirdest thing he’s ever encountered – Buck tries not to be too offended – while Hen seems more comfortable about the whole thing, though she sends glances in Eddie’s and Buck’s direction from time to time.

The grilled cheeses are being eaten when Maddie comes up the stairs, greeting everyone. Buck smiles and waves at her, before turning to Chris, steadying him as he gets out of his chair. He hands him his crutches and goes on one knee in front of him, smoothing out his clothes and pressing a kiss on his forehead as he says: “Be good for your tía Maddie now, okay, Superman?”

“I will, papi,” Chris promises.

Maddie, who’s been getting closer pauses for a moment, before her eyes snap to Eddie. Eddie pauses under her gaze. She hisses: “Evan is papi? He’s the husband?”

Well, if Chris hadn’t given it away, Maddie would have it seems. And because Eddie is an asshole, who has the ability to lie to Maddie, he puts on a faux-innocent look and says: “Yes, he is. Didn’t you know that? I thought you must have realized.”

“No, I did not,” Maddie says lowly, turning to Buck. Buck swallows, but straightens his spine defiantly anyway. Maddie asks him: “Why didn’t I know that?”

“I thought you were being homophobic,” Buck answers honestly.

“What?” Maddie sounds almost offended.

“What was I supposed to think? I got there after Eddie picked up Chris and mentioned me and you didn’t say a word. Nothing.”

“Of course that’s not what I was doing. Eddie asked me not to tell anyone. I wasn’t going to out him!”

“Oh, that makes a lot more sense, actually.”

“Thank you,” Maddie says forcefully. Then she does turn back to Eddie and goes: “What are your intentions with my baby brother?”

Eddie has just started to relax, but freezes all over. Before it can get nasty, Buck jumps in quickly. “It is not like that, Mads. Me and Eddie are friends. Married as friends. And I’ll explain everything later, I promise. But we’re on the clock. Please, just take your nephew home.”

Maddie puffs herself up, gearing up to protest before the last part of that sentence hits and she looks at Chris with big awe-like eyes. As if she has never seen him before. In a way, she hadn’t. She’s hung out with him a few times, but not as her nephew. That’s her nephew. Buck has a kid. Her baby brother is a dad and has a kid and she missed that, but now she gets to know him.

The fight leaves her and she puts on a smile. “I’d love nothing more. What do you say, we get some ice cream. It’s an aunt’s job to spoil their nephews, you know.”

“Ice cream!” Chris cheers, making his way over to her.

“Don’t fall for his pout, he’s only allowed two scoops,” Eddie calls out bravely. “Thank you so much for taking him,” he adds quickly.

“We’re getting three,” Maddie informs Chris cheerfully.

“Be wary of the sugar rush,” Buck warns her.

“We’ll be fine, now stop worrying,” Maddie calls back, having reached the top of the stairs.

They all watch the duo go down the stairs, waving and calling out goodbyes. As they go, Eddie turns to Buck and says: “She never babysat on her own before, has she?”

“Yeah, not since she was a kid with energy herself. She has no clue what she just got into with that promise,” Buck agrees.

“Oef, good luck.”

“Ah, her mistake,” Buck shrugs. “Maybe she’ll be so tired when we come to pick up Chris that she won’t have the energy to be mad.”

“God, I hope so.”

“Well, you two shouldn’t be worrying about her right now,” Hen suddenly speaks up behind them. “We want answers. Now.”

With matching apprehensive looks, they turn around to face everyone. Buck feebly says: “I think we’ve gotten most of the basic information out there.”

“Not good enough,” Hen says. “Come, sit, and spill.”

“I’m not a dog,” Buck pouts as he goes to do what he’s told.

“You could’ve fooled me,” Chimney grins patting his back.

“Oh fuck off.”

Eddie comes to sit next to him, crossing his arms defensively. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything,” Chimney snorts. “Come on, you can’t just drop being married with a kid – even as friends – for god knows how long on us, not to mention lying about even knowing each other, and expect us to just shrug it off.”

“Well, there isn’t much more to add,” Eddie says defensively. “We got married as friends, so Buck could adopt Chris and take care of him while I was in Afghanistan after Shannon left. He already helped before that. It was the most logical thing to do at the time.”

“There wasn’t anyone else?” Hen asks, now mostly directed at Buck. The underlying, ‘you had to take care of Chris by yourself?’ heard by everyone.

“Uh,” Buck sends a look at Eddie, but Eddie isn’t looking his way. “Eddie’s parents helped too, you know, but you don’t want to drop your kid on your parents,” he settles on in the end. It’s as neutral as he can make it.

Hen seems to accept this answer, which is enough for Chimney to jump in on it. “How did you even get involved anyway, Buck? Chris said you were taking care of the chickens? How do you get from chickens to father?”

Buck blushes slightly and explains: “I worked as a farm hand on a chicken farm. Chris’s mom used to buy eggs there, took Chris with her from time to time. I babysat in a pinch, then did it more regularly, also after Eddie came back. She left Chris with me, before getting on a plane to never look back. Eddie still had work that night, so I offered to watch Chris and, uh-” he rubs the back of his head “-I kind of never left.”

It’s quiet for a moment as everyone processes, then Eddie cuffs him on the back of the head. “That’s not how it went and you know it.”

“What?” Buck asks confused, because last he checked, that’s exactly how it went.

“You didn’t watch him for one night and never left, you chose to stay and help a stranger who was struggling, even though you didn’t have to. Because, Evan, that’s who you are,” Eddie says forcefully, making sure Buck hears it.

“Oh.” Buck doesn’t really know how to respond to that, tears prickling despite himself. “I guess, I never thought about it like that.”

“Of course you hadn’t,” Eddie sighs, but it’s a fond one.

Everyone is looking between the two, various expressions on their faces, but all scrutinizing. It makes Buck blush. Especially when Hen feels the need to check: “And it’s strictly a platonic thing?”

“Yes,” Eddie replies forcefully, which doesn’t make Buck sad at all, no, sir. “We’re gonna get divorced at some point, have a prenup and everything. The plan was when I got back from Afghanistan, but then I got hurt.”

“So why haven’t you yet?” Chimney asks curiously. “I mean, since you’re obviously better now.”

Eddie looks a bit like a deer in headlights and Buck clenches all his muscles and tries to disappear into the background. If he starts trying to answer that, a whole bunch of things he’d prefer to stay hidden will come spilling out.

“Why would we?” Eddie counters after a few beats to think, a blush coloring his cheeks anyway.

“Huh?” Chimney replies dumbly.

“I mean, think about it. We’ll divorce just for the sake of divorcing, then we’d have to come up with a parental plan for Chris, uproot him again, because one person alone can’t afford that mortgage, plus we’d loose are tax benefits, which means we can’t save up for college for Chris,” Eddie lists. “Unless one of us wants to marry someone else, why go through the hassle? It’s not like either of us are planning to leave anytime soon.”

Despite how utterly practical it is, Buck can’t help but smile widely, stomach unclenching as butterflies flutter in it instead. Eddie truly isn’t planning on leaving. Eddie still wants him around, still needs him around. He nods: “Yeah, what he said.”

Hen looks between the two then nods to herself as she mutters: “Ah, so that’s how you’ve justified it to yourself?”

“What was that, Henrietta?” Eddie snaps, without even fearing for his life.

“Don’t call me Henrietta,” Hen scowls back, dropping what she just said. Buck is grateful for it, he doesn’t need anyone pushing at Eddie and making him feel weird about staying.

Bobby thankfully steps in for them. “Alright, alright. It’s quite the story, but we’re not here to interrogate either of you.” To the others he sharply says, “I mean that. I’ll bring up the situation with the brass and we’ll see from there what will happen.”

“But, Cap,” Chimney starts to whine, but he’s cut off by the alarm that starts blaring. They all look up for a second, then Chimney quickly stuffs a grilled cheese in his mouth. Still chewing, he says: “This isn’t over.”

“Of course it isn’t,” Eddie mutters as he and Buck get up in sync.

Together they hurry down the pole and to their gear. They’ll have a lot more questions to answer later, not to mention appearing in front of the brass. However, all in all, bringing Chris to the firehouse could have gone much worse.

~~

A/N:

I know I cut the whole explaining themselves thing short, but it’s mostly a repeat after a while and I did put a chunk in there.

[buddiebeginz]

I was thinking about the interview Tim gave before episode 6 where he said "Tommy doesn't even know he's really making a confession until the end of the episode when everything becomes clear. And then he confesses something about himself and their relationship."

If you go back and you watch the breakup scene what does Tommy really confess? Like we know he ends up breaking things off with Buck because he says "you'd end up breaking my heart" but the real confession I think is that Tommy has always known that he's not Buck's soulmate.

Earlier in the episode it's Tommy who brings up Eddie at the dinner date not Buck. And it's Tommy who ends up ending the relationship not Buck. Because just like when they had their first kiss and Tommy questioned who Buck's attention was really after Tommy has always known who matters most in Buck's life.

I still maintain that Tommy was always interested in Eddie first before Buck and then decided to see where things went with Buck after Buck showed some interest. Maybe by the end Tommy felt more for Buck and was hoping that Buck would feel more too and that eventually Tommy would become the most important person in Buck's life instead of it always being Eddie but that never changed.

Which is why I think when Tommy says, "no matter how bad I wanted to be... I'm not your last. I'm your first." It's clear he's talking about Eddie. He may not have said Eddie's name there but I don't think he would have specifically mentioned Buck's last love if he didn't already feel like he knew who that was.

[kyoteugly]

I'm feeling courageous with sharing my thoughts. I'm probably wrong but I want to get it out of my head because it's difficult to focus on something else ^^

I was saying that we should have some kind of reference to the kitchen scene and I think it was there, I just didn't focus on it (too distracted by Eddie). 

The moment when Eddie walks up to the door, adjusting his collar and hair, the moment he opens up the door, his pose open, little move with the leg, little nod with the head - "what's up?" in both friendly and challenging way - he's hyped and in a fun state of mind.

Yeah, I think this is a small reference to the kitchen scene... only this time it's from Eddie's side (no, he's not flirting like Buck did, it's just to give the vibe)... and what happened after that scene? They were both sitting on a couch with Chris, playing a game. 

3x09 - That was the only time we saw Buck and Eddie sitting together on Buck's couch.  8x06 - Buck and Eddie sitting together on Eddie's couch for the first time.  So yeah, the kitchen scene reference already happened. I was looking into their emotions too much and I missed it ^^''

The things below are just speculations, don’t take it too seriously. I'll make a proper post after I watch the episode.

Based on what we know about the upcoming episode we will get a lightning strike reference. 

I'm more and more convinced the lightning strike will be about Buck's bisexuality. In sneak peak he is not sure whether he should be interested in men or women. Just like he wasn't sure how he felt about his death. The conclusion of the coma dream was that being Buck is enough. So I think Buck will fully understand what his sexuality means to him and that it's not defined by who he's dating/sleeping with but by how he feels. That it's not about picking the pond to fish from but to go full sails on the open ocean.

And yes, I’ve seen Ryan in white shirt and like everybody I also had the shooting arc flashbacks. I even wrote some speculations about it but honestly it was just the same things I said before:

Buck being the one in danger (so nobody could kiss him this time)

Buck’s fear of losing Eddie (he can have this fear even if he’s the one dying) triggers his feelings realization

Eddie accepting his feelings for Buck

no love confession

Buddie begins with pinning era

Will this be a mid-season cliffhanger? Right now everything is possible. And I’m sure whatever Tim cooked up it’s gonna be way better than we expect.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buddie: 8x6 Emergency Call #2

I have another "Buddie Crack Theory."

The second emergency call the 118 was dispatched to in 8x6 was interesting to say the least and after I watched it, I kept trying to figure out how the call related to one of the main characters. Based on the things that happened and that were said while they were there, it's possible it may apply to Buck and Eddie.

For the entirety of season 8, there have been numerous callbacks to previous seasons and during seasons 2, 3 and 4, the emergency calls the 118 was dispatched to typically related to one of the main cast members lives or something they were dealing with at that specific moment in time. Therefore, after 8x6 aired, I kept trying to figure out why the second call was included especially since the husband's "guts" came out of his abdomen. The couple was in a "dissolution of marriage" meeting with their attorneys and a mediator but they wouldn't stop arguing and taking verbal shots at one another. To make a long story short, the husband wouldn't stop lying to his soon to be ex-wife and every time he sneezed, she said it meant he was lying.

Several things were perplexing to me, especially the part that included the husband's guts eviscerating from his abdomen. Not only was it gross, I wanted to know why it was included since it didn't appear to be related to anyone. IIRC, only one of the main characters has gotten a divorce and that's Athena but she wasn't on that call. She was on the scene for the first one but it was from season 7 and I couldn't figure out why they included it until I determined a reason for this call. Furthermore, none of the other mains who are married have discussed getting a divorce but Eddie's deceased wife suggested they get one before she died. Therefore, it's possible the husband getting a divorce relates to Eddie and I've explained my reasoning below.

First, the victim's intestine literally came out of his stomach. When I thought about the meaning behind someone's guts spiling out, that's when it clicked for me. He was literally "spilling his guts" which means "to tell someone a secret or a private matter" (Collins Dictionary).

Second, when he said, "Oh my God, I'm dying and this shirt is ruined," I wanted to know why he said that. I mean who says something like that when they're dying? Answer: Literally NO ONE because they're too worried about dying and they don't give any thoughts to their attire.

Third, when Bobby ordered Buck to assist the wife, he was trying to help her but when he asked if she needed a tissue, she said "No!" Then she took a flask out of her purse and started drinking it.

Buck's scene with the wife reminded me of the scene he had with the doppelgänger in 7x9. He made some of the same facial expressions (uneasy and nervous) and I don't believe it was a coincidence that the wife had blonde hair and blue eyes like Kim.

Just saying.

Now, how does this relate to Buddie?

In CANON, Eddie's only told Bobby that Shannon asked him for a divorce before she died. However, since Buck and Eddie have had A LOT of off-screen conversations, it's unclear if he told Buck about it especially since they discussed Eddie's participation in the fight club off-screen (reminder when they talked about it in 3x9 during the kitchen scene, Buck was already aware of it but the scene where he found out wasn't included in 3x8 or 3x9).

The wife in the emergency call kept saying her husband didn't love her but when he admitted he didn't for the third time, he sneezed. That caused her to believe he really did love her because she thought he was lying when he said he didn't and it made her think he did. That was until he was being pushed into the elevator and after he said, "We're going to make it work this time, I promise I'll never stray again," he sneezed and she knew he was lying.

There's a lot to unpack in this call but the highlights are there was a husband and a wife who couldn't stop arguing (Sound familiar? it should because that's all Eddie and Shannon did) and they couldn't make it work. She said he wouldn't stop cheating and he said all she did was drink alcohol. It's unclear what major problems Eddie and Shannon had aside from the fact that they were young and weren't ready to get married but they were pressured into it and they spent more time apart than they did together. Also, I never believed Eddie loved Shannon romantically but I do believe he had love for her. She's the mother of his son so of course he had to like or maybe he had some type of love for her. Whether it was platonic is debatable and only he can say what it was but based on the fact that Eddie has NEVER defined what love means to him, it's evident he may not have known what it was back then. (Reminder, Buck has defined love and his definition only fits Eddie.) I'm not going to debate if Eddie loved his deceased wife romantically because everyone has their own opinions about it and I've already done a post on this topic (linked here), therefore I won't go into it again.

Additionally, I did a post about Buck coming face to face with the one person (Shannon) that he believes Eddie will never get over (linked here) and based on the things that happened in the scene with the husband and wife, it's possible the details of the call relate to Buck, Eddie and Eddie's deceased wife. Even though Kim wasn't drinking when Buck spoke with her, he had that same perplexed look on his face that he had while he's talking to the wife.

Finally, the part the husband said about his shirt being ruined could be related to the white shirt RG is wearing in the pictures below. While it's possible he may be in his own clothes, it's also possible he's in costume and if he is, then he might be the one to spill his guts (tell a secret or private matter to someone, i.e., Buck) while he has blood on his shirt.

If this emergency call is related to Buddie, then Eddie will be spilling his guts to Buck while he has blood on his white shirt. Even though I'm a Buck NDE truther and I believe it's his turn on the Wheel of Misfortune, it's possible Eddie might be the one who gets hurt since the husband in the call was injured and he had blood on his white shirt and dramatically said he was dying. Or Buck's blood could get on Eddie's shirt while Eddie's trying to save him.

The bottom line is I'll be glad when 8x8 airs because I want to know what's going to happen 👀.

Thanks for reading my TEDTalk.

[glitterarygetsit]

OKAY so last night as I was falling asleep I was thinking about Them (buddie) and the trailer for the new ep with the unconscious firefighter hanging from a ladder, right? And I thought okay, This Is Happening, they’re giving us buddie’s greatest hits. We’ve just had the well callback, and this is a parallel to the lightning episode.

So what comes next? Obviously the tsunami—I think this should happen when they go on a road trip to get Christopher (which I think has been hinted at already). (ETA: I don’t know what weather they have in Texas. Flooding? Dam breaking?) But if I were writing it, this time it would be Eddie saving Christopher (demonstrating his worth as a dad to his parents and Christopher) and Buck going insane trying to find them, and also having some Realisations about who he’s in love with and who his family is. Going to Texas also provides the opportunity for Buck to go “hey last time we were here someone clocked me as bi before I even knew, crazy huh” and open up a conversation about being aware of your queerness.

So that gets Christopher back to LA. and then. we know what comes next.

🎯 🔫🔥 SNIPER 🔥🔫 🎯

only THIS time

BUCK is the one who gets shot

and on the way to the hospital with Eddie panicking because Buck looks like he’s not going to make it… Buck, barely lucid, tells Eddie he loves him.

and then flatlines.

obvs they get him into the hospital in time, but cue combined sexuality freak-out AND The Man I Love (Maybe Romantically Who Knows) Might Die for Eddie 😌

and then when Buck wakes up he either doesn’t remember or pretends not to but Eddie KNOWS and then we can work our way towards them getting together. Possibly Christopher will have some kind of “oh my god why won’t you just tell him you love him” outburst.

anyway that’s just my two cents. they’ve GOT to know what they’re doing. there’s a plan here. and this is how I would write it. Could take another two series but. canon buddie is SO happening (possibly with ace/demi Eddie which I would love for the complete wasteland of ace representation in the current media landscape)

[goddammiteverythingstaken]

just a little thought about 9-1-1: lowkey the song “the adults are talking” by the strokes really works for buddie (from bucks pov)

“they’ve been saying you’re sophisticated//complaining, over-educated” is totally buck when he first meets Eddie

I mean the only way the song works for them is in the scenario where buck knows Eddie loves him, he’s just waiting for Eddie to get with he program— but I think it’s such an interesting idea to explore

“don’t go there cause you’ll never return, I know you think of me when you think of her” like buck is just so intrinsically intertwined with eddies lovelife it’s like the song is just buck begging Eddie to fucking get over the comphet already

[babyslutbuck]

as much as I love buck pining in silence fic I genuinely don't believe a buck who has realized he's in love with eddie could keep that shit to himself he'd be spilling to maddie within 12 hours maddie would tell chim, chim would tell hen, hen would spill to buck that she knows and give him good lesbian advice, buck would AGAIN be spilling to bobby the second bobby suspected something was up the only question is how long the loud mouth brigade could keep it from eddie which my guess would be. like 17 minutes. so. we can only hope that buck has feelings realization first bc eddie is keeping that shit locked in a box in his chest for 400 years

[p4nishers]

i know some people already pointed it out but like. eddie was in black. BLACK. he was in LITERAL MOURNING CLOTHES. he was already mourning. already prepared for the worst.

[kiss2012]

i’ve literally replayed the end of 3x01 four times.

[babygirlbuckaroo]

.

[zainclaw]

One of the reasons why I've always thought that pairing up Eddie or Buck with a brand new character who's only brought in as a love interest will simply not work, is the fact that the rest of the mains are all paired up with other mains.

Bobby and Athena. Maddie and Chimney. Karen is the only wife who's not a real main herself, but her character and her and Hen's relationship are both so fleshed out and beautiful that she still feels like a main.

This is the main reason why, in my opinion, it's always going to feel so incredibly lacking to try and pair up Eddie and Buck with random new people. When we're so used to knowing and loving both parties in a romantic relationship on this show. It's one of the many reasons why I feel like endgame romantic Buddie is the only thing that's going to feel fair to their characters.

Which leads me to the genious choice of Tommy being brought back to be Buck's new love interest. Tommy, who's already an established character in this universe. Tommy, who's already got history with members of the 118 that aren't Buck. Who was insinuated to be a closeted gay long before he was gonna be Buck's bisexual awakening. Who said he thought Kirsten Stewart was too broody way before the show decided to pair him up with someone as sweet and bright as Buck.

And even now that he is a love interest, he still gets to keep a personality of his own. He still gets to be a little reserved when meeting up Buck for coffee at the end of the episode, hesitant to say yes to another date, because he's allowed to look after his own heart and not wanting to be hurt by someone who might still be in the closet, unlike himself. Like that is such a real and fair choice to make for yourself as a queer person, and I'm so happy they let him be all that.

I still think endgame Buddie is the thing that'll make the most sense for this show and its characters. But, my god, is it hard to be anything but fucking thrilled about having Tommy around right now.

[ivegotyourbackbuddie]

Waiting for a scene where Buck and Eddie are discussing their dating woes at the station, and Buck jokes, “Maybe we should spare the Los Angeles population and just date each other.”

And while Eddie laughs it off, Hen swoops in to say, “No, I think you might be onto something.”

Eddie suddenly stops laughing as Buck goes, “Huh?”

“Why not just date each other?” Hen asks as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Chimney laughs, “Hell, you’re already practically a couple.”

And while Buck and Eddie stammer out no we’re not and it’s not like that. Chimney crosses his arms and looks at Buck. “What was it that you said to me and Maddie about how we were already a couple? Something about how ‘you always are talking and texting, you do karaoke together, you do buff-fridays together, and you finish each other’s sentences…’”

“You remember that with a shockingly high amount of detail,” Buck says to try to turn the conversation away from him.

“And Buck and I don’t do ‘Buff-Fridays’ together…”

“We do pasta and a movie with Chris,” Buck says, finishing Eddie’s sentence.

Hen and Chimney exchange a look.

Eddie frowns and says, “Okay, we do those things, but how are we any different from the two of you?”

Chimney deadpans, “When I first met Hen, I definitely didn’t want to sleep with her.”

“Hey! Maddie promised not to tell you that!”

“And she didn’t,” Chimney says with a smirk, “but you just confirmed my suspicions.”

Hen has the audacity to cackle while Buck and Eddie both shoot her a look which only spurs her on. She’s practically wheezing when she says, “You two are also practically co-parenting Christopher.”

“Which isn’t what people do when they’re dating. Sure, they can love my kid, but they can’t parent them. Now Buck is my best friend so he… he can… give him advice and help out…” Eddie argues weakly while Buck’s heart skips a beat because Eddie just practically said yes, Buck is a parent to Chris.

Finally Bobby joins the conversation to add, “You’re right. People who are casually dating usually don’t coparent a child. But people who are married do.”

This sends Chimney and Hen cackling while they gasp, “Oh my god. You guys aren’t just dating. You’re married.”

And before Eddie or Buck can argue with them, Ravi innocently asks, “But you guys broke up for a reason, right? I know you guys work great together, but getting back with your ex is usually a bad idea.”

Everyone just stares at him as Eddie defensively asks, “Since when did we ever date?”

And Ravi’s jaw drops as he answers, “I mean. When I joined the one-eighteen everyone said it was better to stay out of the whole Buck and Eddie thing and not ask questions. And someone told me about this fight in the middle of a grocery store which I thought meant a breakup but… oh god.”

Of course, Buck and Eddie can’t get a single word in as Hen, Chimney, and even Bobby start laughing as if it’s the funniest thing they’ve ever heard. The only thing that gets them to stop is when the bell rings, but even on the ride over, everyone - except Buck and Eddie - seem to have the giggles.

After the call, which is just a minor fender bender, everyone thankfully takes the advice given to Ravi and gives Buck and Eddie some space. But for the rest of the shift, the two just kind of stew in silence with their own thoughts.

At the end of the shift, everyone fleas from the locker area so Buck and Eddie are left alone. And after a few moments of torturous silence, Buck finally asks, “Why aren’t we dating?”

“Buck.”

“I mean they’re right. We’ve practically been dating this whole time - married even - just without the… physical stuff.”

Eddie just shrugs. “Physical stuff has ruined every relationship I’ve ever had.”

“It doesn’t have to.”

“But it has.” Eddie emphasizes his point by harshly shutting his locker and turning to Buck. “Why should I risk what you have with Chris - what you have with me - just for sex?”

“Because maybe it’s worth the risk. And maybe it wouldn’t be just sex. Eddie, you already have me. More than anyone else ever has. So why not date?”

“Buck…” Eddie trails off, endless emotions in that name.

Buck pushes on, stepping closer to him, “Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t try. And if you can’t give me a valid reason, then let me take you on a date.” Buck smiles softly. “I mean, we were already planning on getting breakfast in the morning. But this time I could pick you up and maybe hold your hand at the tabl-”

“Evan,” Eddie finally says which makes Buck’s heart drop. “Just… give me some time to think about it, okay?”

And Buck nods and holds his hands up while backing away. “Got it. Sorry for pushing. We can pretend it was a joke.” He tries not to look the way he feels - absolutely heartbroken.

Eddie just gives him a weak smile and grabs his things before heading toward the door only to stop in his tracks and walk to Buck. “Hey.”

Buck glances up at him, searching his expression for something.

Eddie grabs his shoulder, thumb resting above his collarbone. “We’re still good for breakfast tomorrow?”

Buck smiles and nods. “Yeah. Always.”

“Good,” Eddie states, lingering in the moment before his thumb moves slightly, caressing Buck’s collarbone for a moment before he steps away and leaves without another word.

Buck watches as he goes, placing his hand over where Eddie’s was. He can’t help but wonder if Eddie was testing the waters with that swipe of his thumb or trying to soothe Buck in his own way.

It’s only a few hours later when Buck can’t sleep that his phone lights up with a message from Eddie.

Let’s make it a date.

[kyoteugly]

Little something about feelings between Buck and Eddie.

When it comes to queer Eddie I would like to see self acceptance, not realization/awakening. I believe Eddie knows he loves Buck, he had that revelation years ago. But he closed it in the "best friend" box, never looked at it, but kept it safe... and dear to his heart.  Because Eddie's not gay, right? He met a girl who he loved so much, she gave him a son who is his whole world, his soul... there is no way he's gay. Through his life he was taught that. He was raised to be a man in the family and the family he knew being a 10yo boy was "mother, father and kids'. He was taught that with this image comes happiness. It's all so imprinted in him he doesn't see any other options for himself.  But the subconscious is a powerful thing. More times he's single than he's not, and when he does date it's more about filling the slot of a mother in "family picture" than about his actual feelings. But we saw him happy - with Chris, with Buck and Chris... and just with Buck. I love the take that Eddie in his self-punishment and denying himself joy is actually denying himself Buck - not spending time with him, not looking at him, not touching. But the moment he allowed himself to feel joy Buck was right at his doorstep. And I love all the things pointed out by fandom in 8x06: him calling Buck his best friend for the first time, saying he's straight, admitting mustache are disguise, shaving them, not a word between Buck and Eddie in episode titled "Confessions", them sitting together for the first time on Eddie's couch - the right couch.  All I would like to see now is Eddie accepting himself, accepting his feelings for Buck, taking off the lid of that "best friend" box and allowing all his emotions to reach him. He already loves him, he already knows it... he just needs to accept it's ok. 

Buck is constantly looking for love and happiness. And he always gets burned, it never works how he's hoping it will. Because the place in his heart is already taken - he just doesn't know it yet. He's not aware Eddie nested there. And because of that (him not being aware) it comes so easy to project his feelings for Eddie to other people. It's funny how every time Buck thinks he might lose Eddie he gets close to realizing he's in love with him... and then someone comes, kisses Buck and he ends up in a relationship (or asking to move in together - the whole Taylor/Lucy thing). And Buck is sure these relationships should work, because when they started he had so many strong feelings, he felt in love, so it must be it, right?  So the next time Buck will feel the fear of losing Eddie I hope he'll be alone. I hope no one interrupts his panic, no one hijacks his emotions... he will go from fear to pain to realization... and he will start pinning, because once he figures this out there is no turning back... it was always about Eddie.

Buck had his bi-awakening, Eddie needs self acceptance.

Eddie knows he has feelings for Buck, Buck needs to realize he loves Eddie.

[loullaby]

one of the many things i love about tommy is that they made him incapable of breaking up with buck for all the reasons his 4 exes broke up with him.

he's not gonna break up with buck to find himself like abby, because he already did that. after the 118 and gerrard, he had years to figure out who he is and he made it clear he's not going back to the person he used to be.

he's not gonna break up with buck because the job is too dangerous for him to handle like ali, because he has the same job. he understands the risks, the crazy hours, the unexpected shifts.

they won't have the same problem as buck and taylor, because he already proofed that he's gonna be there whenever buck needs him. he won't betray him to safe his job, he's actually willing to sacrifice his job and his life for something that is important to buck, even when he didn't know that yet.

he doesn't see buck as just one experience like natalia. he already saw the parts buck considers to be his biggest flaws. he was jealous to the point of hurting eddie, he didn't think before talking and hurt tommy feelings during the date, he was reckless to safe bobby and athena, he was bossy during the bachelor party. tommy saw all that, and he loved him anyway.

and he won't break up with him because of his relationship with eddie. since day one, he made it clear he doesn't want to come between the two of them. he understands how important they are to each other and how important buck is to eddie and chris. that's not gonna change.