#whether he is gay or bi or whatever he clearly believes he is attracted to women and is trying in his relationships

[lesbiansforeddiediaz]

Where my Eddie meta differs from the popular fanon is I don't think all his problems are because he's gay and I don't think kissing a man would heal him or really benefit him much at all. (He is gay but that's not important right now)

[captnjacksparrow]

Okay so I know I’m far off my rocker with what I’m about to say but I have to say it otherwise I’ll forget or keep thinking about it like crazy.

It’s probably just me but I can’t help but feel like SNS aren’t straight. I can’t help but feel like Naruto could possibly be bi with women preference or don’t realize it. I can’t help but feel like Sasuke might be gay or bi. I don’t want to state it as a fact because we don’t know their sexualities canon wise plus I want to respect the author’s creation however I can’t see those two as straight, especially Sasuke. I understand that Sasuke puts his goals before romance and that may be the case for this. I know he wants to defeat his brother and restore his clan, thats his top priority in life. People say he doesn’t know how to express his emotions, yet I see it fine with Naruto. He seems to trust Naruto more than anything and wants to be with Naruto. He turns down girls, mainly Sakura when it comes to affection or flirtatiousness. Now it could be just that those girls see him as a trophy and Sakura doesn’t understand him or respect him, however even after Boruto when he “marries” Sakura, it seems he’s depressed and regrets the relationship. He visits Naruto’s family more than his own and I find it depressing and interesting because it shows he chooses Naruto over his own “wife”. Even with Karin, he cares about her as a comrade or friend yet I don’t feel romantic attraction on his side. Yet I feel a bit of that with him and Naruto. There was a rumor that the author or creator of Naruto that between Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura isn’t a love triangle but rather a circle like a fish biting its own tail. So Naruto —> Sakura —> Sasuke and Sasuke —> Naruto. Anyways, i know this show isn’t about their sexuality and I shouldn’t focus on that but I couldn’t help but notice something or rather feel it. Also, your post on SNS Sasukes pov, I remember you mentioning Sasuke being comfortable enough to show his vulnerability with Naruto and that had me thinking... is this Sasuke accepting his love for Naruto? Is this Sasuke allowing Naruto to open him and save him. It seems Naruto was the first and only person that made his way to his heart, even expanding it just a little.

That’s just me but I would love to hear what you have to say and correct me if I’m wrong. What do you think?

Nice ask @larrycherry04 😍😍

There was a rumor that the author or creator of Naruto that between Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura isn’t a love triangle but rather a circle like a fish biting its own tail. So Naruto —> Sakura —> Sasuke and Sasuke —> Naruto.

Again larry, there is no official proof for this interview. And if it is so, I don’t really believe any of his interviews, tbh. 

These are the two different official interviews from Shounen Jump at different point of time with Kishimoto and two contradicting answers. 

So, when it comes to drawing Manga, Kishi was very truthful. But when it comes to interviews, he started to contradict his own answers. Which makes him a liar, in my opinion and I don’t blame him.

So, In short, Read the manga or Watch the Anime and see how you feel about it and come to a conclusion rather that believing his interviews.

But to answer whether it’s a love circle??? Nope. 

Sakura, like I said before, she is a pairing fodder for Sasuke, most of the time and for Naruto, a little bit. 

If it is a love circle, like, if Naruto truly loved Sakura, he never should’ve let Sasuke off the hook, for all the tantrums/outbursts he has shown towards Sakura not once or twice but multiple times.

Imagine you are Naruto, you love Sakura so much and values her a lot above everyone.

What would you do in the following scene?

I seriously can’t stop laughing here. Here, a boy, your supposed rival, is mildly insulting your most valued person’s tears. What will you do?

You will speak on her behalf, Of course. Just like Naruto did.

But the moment your rival says something to you, you forget everything about Sakura and starts to think about your rival. Wellllll ... So weird!!!!! Which begs the question ‘Do you really love her in the first place???’.

In this scene, the moment he heard those words from Sasuke, Sakura was out of the picture. Important point to note, Naruto still had a crush on Sakura until this point. 

Moment 1

Sakura: I am going to stab Sasuke-Kun

Sasuke : Am gonna kill you too

**Naruto heroically saves her**

Naruto: Sasuke, Sakura was a member of Team 7.

Sasuke: I don’t give a fuck

Naruto: Anyways, I heard the truth about Itachi and what you’ve been doing so far, is understandable, (including trying to kill Sakura)

Sakura: **surprised pikachu face**

Moment 2

Sakura: I love you, Sasuke-Kun

Sasuke: Annoying!! I am gonna put her in a murdering Genjutsu

Naruto: Sasuke, you shouldn’t have put her in such a strong Genjutsu

Sasuke: If I didn’t , she will come in our way

Naruto: Ummm, that’s true. Let’s go fight!!!

This is the pattern of Team 7 dynamics even until the very end. And I don’t see a love circle at all. 

To put it bluntly,

These words from Naruto is an admonition to Sakura, that is, ‘Whatever happens between us, do not meddle!!’

Sakura is just a third wheel to elevate the relationship between Naruto and Sasuke. Naruto likes her but not more than Sasuke. Naruto will die for Sasuke but not for Sakura. Sasuke will put his life on the line for Naruto but not for Sakura. 

He turns down girls, mainly Sakura when it comes to affection or flirtatiousness. Now it could be just that those girls see him as a trophy and Sakura doesn’t understand him or respect him, however even after Boruto when he “marries” Sakura, it seems he’s depressed and regrets the relationship. He visits Naruto’s family more than his own and I find it depressing and interesting because it shows he chooses Naruto over his own “wife”. Even with Karin, he cares about her as a comrade or friend yet I don’t feel romantic attraction on his side.

Sasuke closed all his walls in his heart to let anyone in, after the massacre. And even before that incident, it was never shown that he had any friends or rather he was frustrated with those boys revering him because of the ‘Uchiha’ name he bears. Uchiha is the powerful clan of Konoha and so everyone has high level of expectations. So, there is that. 

Sasuke was thoroughly frustrated at this comment because nobody is seeing him as a boy named ‘Sasuke’ in his Academy. Even his homeroom teacher saw him as 'Itachi's little brother'. He was clearly facing an identity problem during this time, even in his home. Because Fugaku, Sasuke’s father completely ignored Sasuke and was showing his full attention towards his brother Itachi. When it comes to girls, I don’t have to say anything. They treated him like a trophy. Meaning, Everybody was expecting something from him but nobody was trying to befriend him unconditionally or approach him for who he was. 

This was explained nicely by Itachi in Itachi Shinden novel.

I wish this scene were in the Anime series. Such a warm one.

He was turning down all those girls, because like you said, they just see him as a cool boy who can do anything. And Sakura was one among them. 

If Sasuke looked like Rock Lee, would Sakura have flirted with him??? Absolutely not. 

And to play romance, there should be certain effort from Sasuke’s side, like going for dates or whatever shit, which he was never ready for. Most of all, there should be a reason when you start a relationship. Sakura never tried to reach him in a deeper level and tried to understand his sufferings and hence there were no reason. This is the case even after their marriage. Does she know about Uchiha Clan massacre's reason? Or Itachi? If she had known, she should've educated her daughter and stopped wearing that fucking clan crest on their back. And most of all, what could Sasuke talk with her if she doesn't know a single thing about him?? Their relationship was built on Editorial pressure, regrets and shallowness. Of course, If I were Sasuke, I would avoid my family by staying in my office more.

With Karin, their relationship was purely business 'I use you, you use me' kind. He was very clear about that when he formed 'Team Hebi'.

He helped Suigetsu to get Zabuza's sword and in turn Sasuke wants him to help with his goal. Same with Karin & Jugo. But it seems Sasuke respected her a lot in terms of her strength. Karin was similar to Sakura when it comes to flirting but when it comes to work she means business and can offer Sasuke a lot in terms of Chakra replenishment or sensing enemies plan while battling. That's why he treated her better than Sakura but that's all there is to it. It never went anywhere because Karin knows nothing about him. And Sasuke was not interested in forming a bond with any of Team Taka members either.

In other words, to evolve from a friendship to romance, it takes a massive effort from both sides in terms of understanding. Like I said before, Sasuke built a strong wall around his heart and he never let anyone in it as he saw it as a weakness. Sakura barely made a scratch on that wall. Just for becoming a friend takes a big effort to break that wall. How much effort do you think it takes for romance?? Instead of becoming his friend first, Sakura jumped straight into romance, which makes Sasuke uncomfortable most of the times. Hence the depressed reaction you see in Boruto.

Even with Karin, he cares about her as a comrade or friend yet I don’t feel romantic attraction on his side. Yet I feel a bit of that with him and Naruto.

Hmmm, I don't see Sasuke having a romantic attraction with Naruto. Romantic attraction leans towards sexual desire. But, Sasuke has more of a childlike attraction which leans towards purity and innocence, like more of a desire to be near Naruto, will never be bored even if it was for eternity and would like to look after his safety without expecting anything back.

I've seen this quite a few times.

Sasuke is not competing here, otherwise he would have walked ahead Naruto. He just wants to walk along side him.

This is that dream sequence after their fight. Sasuke, just like before, approaches Naruto by himself and listens to him intently. I am pretty sure he could do this for a whole day and still would not leave him.

LOL. Sasuke, at this moment, doesn’t gives two shit about the world. Meaning he is not missing anyone from there. The person he really wants to be with is right next to him. He even convinces Naruto that Kakashi and Sakura will do something and he doesn’t have to worry. However the moment Naruto leaves, he worries and looks around for him. 

This is what I called, an innocent attraction and the desire to be around the person you feel warm and comfortable. 

But every possibility of changing this into romance is already there. Because Naruto broke his wall long back and has a high place in his heart. A strong friendship with an innocent attraction is all there. If someday Kishi comes out and said 'Sasuke loved Naruto', I won't be surprised at all.

Sasuke being comfortable enough to show his vulnerability with Naruto and that had me thinking... is this Sasuke accepting his love for Naruto? Is this Sasuke allowing Naruto to open him and save him. It seems Naruto was the first and only person that made his way to his heart, even expanding it just a little.

I think Sasuke started to like Naruto unknowingly ever since he started to watch him secretly. Because it always makes him feel warm and fuzzy. 

But, the scars left by Itachi made Sasuke feel that having people around will always makes him weak. Meaning, The more people you love and when you lose them, you will feel weak. Hence, he was very hesitant to reach Naruto. Slowly but surely, Naruto was already making his way into Sasuke’s heart. And once they were put in the same team, he just loved Naruto unconditionally. That’s why he almost gave his life for him.

But Once Sasuke decided to leave the village, he severed all the ties with Konoha, including Kakashi and Sakura. The level of bond Sasuke had with them can be cut off by saying ‘Thank you’. But with Naruto, it takes more than that. Because for Sasuke, Naruto’s existence itself is making him weak by bringing back all the feelings he once had for him. Like Orochimaru said, Naruto has certain power to influence Sasuke’s heart. So Sasuke decided to kill him but in the end he simply couldn’t. 

Everytime Sasuke strays off the path, Naruto will always appear and remind him that he is his friend

Every time Naruto appears and talks to him, Sasuke’s heart was changing but he simply doesn’t want that and he hates that feeling. Which was why he wants to destroy Naruto and whatever he represents. What Naruto represents is a powerful bond between Sasuke and Naruto.

In the final fight, he simply couldn’t cut that bond even though he had a chance to kill. These bipolar battles are what he was fighting all along internally. And finally accepts that he lost and was happy for it. Those words, ‘I lost’ meant he lost the fight physically and mentally he had with Naruto and was ready to totally embrace the feelings he already had.  

It’s not Naruto who was expanding Sasuke’s heart a little, Sasuke already gave a wide berth for Naruto and one day decided to close it. In the end, he couldn’t. 

I can’t help but feel like Naruto could possibly be bi with women preference or don’t realize it. I can’t help but feel like Sasuke might be gay or bi. I don’t want to state it as a fact because we don’t know their sexualities canon wise plus I want to respect the author’s creation however I can’t see those two as straight, especially Sasuke.

As for their sexualities, I seriously could not conclude anything. But from the way Naruto behaves, he certainly looks like a closeted bisexual just like Kishimoto. And Kishi was not hold his guns in this aspect at all, he went all out in the Manga chapter 347. 

I mean it was evident from the way he casted Multiple Reverse Harem no jutsu before Kaguya without any reaction but when Konohamaru did the same Jutsu with Sai and Sasuke, he looked visibly disgusted.

Why to react extremely when Konohamaru is doing the same as you? Probably he doesnt like Sasuke in this jutsu I guess. LOL.

When asked about that ‘accidental’ kiss again, he reacts visibly disgusted but at the same time with a Nosebleed. This screams ‘Closet bisexual’ to me.

As for Sasuke, I simply see him as close to Asexual and possibly demisexual for Naruto.

Why Asexual?

Because Kishi purposefully made Sasuke to be in certain awkward scenes and on top of it, he painted an over sexualized aura all over him, in part II of the manga. It was evident from his bare chested costumes and the way characters like Karin behaves around him. In the same chapter 347, Kishi went all out for Sasuke too.

I don’t even know why Kishi made this scene. But it certainly shows Sasuke wasn’t bothered by a naked man at all unlike Naruto who acted disgusted.

I simply cannot see Sasuke will be romantically attracted to someone if they cannot form a strong bond with him. And to form that kind of bond is not an easy task. But even for a demisexual, there will be a preference. and his preference were not any of those girls especially Sakura. So, I can safely say, if he ever wants to be romantic, all the possibilities points towards Naruto. Because of certain obsession he has towards Naruto throughout the War arc.  

Believe me, Obsession comes from two ways. You will be obsessed on someone whom you hate to your bone because of what they did to you. Most possibly, a hard betrayal. Or, You will be obsessed on someone who you love above yourself. 

Itachi falls under the first category (that’s why when Sasuke was told Itachi was good all along, he couldn’t accept the fact that he hated him for wrong reasons and he snapped and went onto a killing spree because of that obsession. Even though he was sane after losing his parents) and Naruto falls in the later.

Like he was basically saying ‘Naruto is my person. Only I can kill him, he is not yours’ to Obito when he was trying to kill Naruto. And where did these obsession comes from provided Naruto never betrayed him in any which ways? Because of all the past he had with him and he was already in love but was trying to deny it.

Anyways at the end of the day, I don’t mind their sexualities at all. What matters is how they prioritizes each other at any given situations without an ounce of regrets. Because, like I always say, their bond transcends way beyond Marriage, Children and Sex. 

Hope my answer helps :-)

[twopoppies]

Hey Gina! I was wondering if you have any opinions about the bi/pan phobia in this fandom? I have been struggling a lot recently with the amount of people that insist that H is either straight OR gay. I just think as a bi (?) person myself, that the amount of times he has talked about being unlabeled and “blurred lines” and not feeling particularly attracted to a label is really relatable and makes it clear that he is not one or the other. It’s just really frustrating and honestly invalidating that ppl take bi and pan sexuality off the table. Like it’s not real and therefore not an option. Or like they want him to fit in a box/their idea of what he should be when he very clearly does not want to.

(Absolutely no hate and this is not pointed at you I’m just feeling really frustrated with the fandom right now)

Hi love. I can’t answer your question from the POV of the entire fandom. All I can do is answer it from my own (bisexual) point of view. First of all, he has one time said he doesn’t feel the need to label his sexuality. And he said that to Dan Wootton when he was asked directly about it. That is not Harry saying multiple times that he’s “unlabelled”. To me that’s a closeted man answering a question in the best way he can without straight out refusing to answer it and without directly lying.

IMO the conversations he’s had where he’s talked about “blurred lines” have been him referring more to his own gender than his sexuality or the sexuality of his partners. Additionally, many people use the word “gay” as an umbrella term, so unless you’ve questioned everyone who has said he’s gay, you’re jumping to conclusions that they’re all insisting he couldn’t be bi/pan. 

I’m sure there are people who “take bi and pan sexuality off the table” because they don’t think it’s a legitimate sexuality, or want H to be some other sexuality because of some agenda, but frankly, the majority of people who I’ve seen insist that he’s bi are the ones with the agenda (not referring to you, specifically, just saying in general).

Again, all I can speak to is my own personal response to what Harry has said and done over the years. He very clearly said he didn’t think he was bisexual when he was point blank asked. Could that answer be different now? Sure. He was very young when he said that. However, I’ve never seen him have any sort of sexual attraction towards, or chemistry with, any woman. Nor have I seen him flirt with any women (besides elderly women) the way I’ve seen him do with many, many men. 

Whatever he labels his sexuality as, I believe he’s living his life as a gay man, attracted to men (especially one man in particular). If you think he may be bi/pan, go for it. Personally, I know bisexuality exists because I live it. Whether Harry Styles is bi or not doesn’t affect my day to day existence but I’m not interested in people insisting he’s bisexual only so they can hold on to their fantasy that he might fuck them. 

Edit: Thank you @metal-eye There’s also this quote from The Face: Then there is the question of Styles’ sexuality, something he has admittedly ​“never really started to label”. 

(again... not saying his sexuality is “unlabelled”. Not saying he’s bi/pan/gay.)

[yourwakingnightmares]

quoting you "But our brains are hardwired to find certain things attractive." and you said it on a post when you trying to talk about why people prefer white characters. not hard to figure out what you were saying there, i have reading comprehension (and a not-american education, your assumption was weird). also, here have this not on anon. not a coward just used to racists who pile on if you call them on it, but i can deal.

Dear sir and/or ma’am,

Firstly, kudos! I’m glad we can have an actual conversation without hiding behind anonymity. Still not sure how productive of a conversation we’re going to have, since you’re insistent I’m racist, but I’m now willing to discuss it with you further since we can have an open conversation and dialogue.

No, I did not say that people were hardwired to find white people attractive. I said our brains are weird; that they’re hardwired to find certain things attractive, and -the important bit you missed -is that there’s no rhyme nor reason to why.

For example, to get a bit personal here. I like short, stocky men, and I have a thing for big/abnormal shaped noses on men. Richard Harmon, Seth Gilliam, and Aaron Stanford are examples of this. In women, I like well-muscled and taller than me (which doesn’t take much, I’m 5′2″). Examples of this would include Marie Avgeropoulos, Rosario Dawson, and Lupita Nyong’o.

Now, clearly, I have two very different and distinct things I look for, depending on gender. This makes no sense, logically, and I am well aware of this; if I like large or abnormal shaped noses on men, I should like the same thing on women, logically. If I like short, stocky men, I should like the same thing in women.

But I don’t. Why don’t I? Because what we like isn’t something that we choose; it’s not something that we make a conscious decision about. Our brains are hardwired to find certain things attractive, and we don’t know why. We don’t know what crossed this particular pair of wires together, resulting in liking short men or tall women. We don’t know how those neurons in our brains got so jumbled that we have foot fetishes, or are into dominance play.

Telling people that they are racist because they don’t find a thing attractive is redundant, and can be turned against you very, very easily.

For example. Do you like fat men? Short women? Bald women? Amputees? No? Well, that makes you ableist and sexist! 

Do you have any straight pairings? That makes you homophobic! And don’t even get me started on how screwed over us bi folk get when it comes to fandom shipping; we can’t win either way: because it’s not gay pairings, we’re labeled homophobic, and if it’s gay pairings, we’re labeled as attention seekers, for ‘calling ourselves bi when we’re actually gay’.

Are you starting to see where I’m going with this? You have a thing you like. I’m ambivalent about the thing, or maybe even I actively dislike the thing. Instead of accepting that, you decide to label me as racist.

Let’s say you like purple. Purple is a mixture of red and blue. You love purple, it’s your favorite color. I, however, do not like purple. I prefer orange, and believe that red should be mixed with yellow for the best results.

Am I horrible person for disagreeing with you? Am I bad because I like my red mixed with yellow instead of blue?

(Also, please bear in mind, I don’t see colors well, so this example might not be entirely accurate with the mixing, but I’m hoping your getting my point beyond that).

Let’s use another example here. In the Umbrella Academy, one of the most popular pairings is Luther and Allison. Well, how would you feel if I said that you’re racist for shipping Allison with a white man? As a minority woman, she should only be with other minorities! Therefore, she must be with Diego!

You’d say I’m nuts; clearly, Allison and Diego would be terrible for each other. They’re both very strong-willed, stubborn people with serious attitude problems. But hey, I like the Allison/Diego pairing. I think they’d go well together. I like the bad boy vibes, and Allison is strong enough to tell Diego where to shove it when he starts getting angsty and sarcastic. It could work! 

Let’s go a step further. I ship Diego and Vanya; I think they look absolutely adorable together. On an emotional level, they’re all wrong for each other, and I understand that. But physically? Hell, I dig it. I’d dig it a trench a mile deep. I don’t know why I find them to be so cute together, but I just do.

However, I logically understand that Vanya is gay -or bi, potentially, I’m sure we’ll get that hammered out sooner or later in the show. And I completely accept that character’s decision to be with Sissy. But the two of them together just don’t do it for me. I look at them as a couple and go, ‘meh’. It doesn’t evoke any feeling in me. But that one scene at the end of the last episode, where Vanya just rests her head against Diego, and after a moment, he returns the gesture? That gave me chills. And I decided right then and there, I would die with that ship. Because it made me feel good and happy, and gave me those butterflies floating in my stomach.

Do you pick your partners based off of what you think society wants you to like? I sincerely hope you don’t, and instead follow your heart. I hope you pick your partners or your ships based off of what makes you happy as a person. What makes you get those butterflies, of what gives you chills when you think of them together.

Shipping in fandom is the same. If you’re shipping people based off of what other people tell you you should like, or what you think is socially acceptable to like... You won’t get those butterflies. You won’t get those chills. You won’t get that stupid little grin when you think of the cute shenanigans your pairing gets up to. It will be wooden, mechanical, and soulless. There’s no heart in it, because you’re not shipping what you like... you’re shipping what you think you should like.

Biology doesn’t work like that. Know that whole thing where everybody kept telling gay people not to be gay? To force themselves to be with the opposite gender?

You and I know -hopefully you know, anyways -that that is absolutely stupid. Being gay isn’t a choice; it’s just something you are. As Lady Gaga so aptly put it years ago, we’re just born that way. We like what we like, and telling us to try and be different is not only pointless, but it’s hateful. It’s hurtful. But many large groups -mostly Christian, and/or conservative -insisted that you could just choose to not be gay. You could choose to like the opposite gender, and by not choosing that, you were going straight to hell. 

But this is exactly what you're trying to do with shipping. You are taking the part of the Moral Majority and Jerry Falwell here. You are the one telling people that what they like is wrong! They should just like what you like! If they don’t, they’re terrible bad awful people who should be ashamed of themselves! The Christians/conservatives called them amoral degenerates; you’re calling them hateful racists. But the end result is the same: you’re trying to shame and humiliate anyone who disagrees with you.

Now, I’m not going to make any presumptions about what you like; I don’t know you well enough for that. Maybe you dig interracial couples; maybe you dig gay couples. Maybe you like disabled couples, or dominant/submissive couples.

But whatever it is that you like, or what gets you hot and bothered? I wouldn’t dream of telling you it’s wrong. As long as you keep your IRL stuff consensual? It’s not my place to tell you what you can like. It’s not my place to tell you that your ideas of cute couples are wrong.

More and more lately, I find many fandom shippers using the idea of an ‘ism’ to try and force people to accept their pairing. Whether it’s racism, sexism, homophobia, ageism, classism, ableism... Everybody can throw an ‘ism’ at people who dislike their pairings. It’s relatively easy to do, in fact. Give me any popular pairing, and I can throw an ‘ism’ at it.

Sorry I refuse to be browbeaten into saying that your pairing is more valid than mine. Sorry that I won’t let you bully me into going along with your pairing, and leaving my own by the wayside. Sorry I won’t bow to your threats of calling me mean things to force me to like your ships. Sorry I won’t just sit meekly back, and let you dictate what I’m allowed to find cute, or attractive, or sexy, or hot.

Actually, you know what? No. I’m not sorry. You can try to browbeat me. You can try to bully me. You can try to make me capitulate. You can try and make me sit quietly and not have an opinion.

But it ain’t gonna work. You misconstruing my argument, reading what you want to read in it, cherry picking your way through, or you calling me a racist, sexist, homophobic meanie head isn’t going to force me to root for your ship.

If I find a straight ship cute? I’ll ship it. If I find a gay ship cute? I’ll ship it. If I find a bi ship cute? I’ll ship it. If I find an interracial ship cute? I’ll ship it. If I find a intraracial ship cute? I’ll ship it. If I find a disabled/abled ship cute? I’ll ship it.

I will ship what I ship, and no amount of you throwing stones is going to force me to abandon my ship.

[redhoodieone]

It’s Cold in Here Part 2

A/N: And here is part 2! Wow, this chapter is pretty angsty because I believe everyone would react differently to their significant other’s private sexual orientation. It’s pretty clear that Dick Grayson is finally letting himself be free (he’s clearly bisexual, if that wasn’t clear) even if it’s cheating on Y/N. But Jason Todd is straight in this story, despite the running gay jokes in this story. The reason why is Y/N (you lol) is clearly upset when she finds out her perfect boyfriend is bisexual, and she wants to take out her anger on Jason, when he’s clearly in her league. But of course, during this story, some people in this story are not going to be okay with Dick’s secret sexual orientation, so I’ll post more warnings as this goes along. Let me know if you want to be tagged for this series. Otherwise, enjoy the story!

@melaninkpops @randomdcfangirl

 Warnings: Language and talks of sex.

  It’s like a nightmare I can’t wake up from. I’ve become almost like a zombie; I’m holding my knees to my chest while I sit up against the wall in my living room because I’ve lost the ability to move or say anything. Tonight’s truth just keeps replaying in my head.

My boyfriend Dick Grayson…having sex with another guy…even though he’s supposed to be my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is supposed to be attracted to me.

My boyfriend is supposed to be in love with me.

MY BOYFRIEND SHOULD ONLY WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME!

Just the thought of Dick bending over for another guy for anal sex just makes me feel so disgusted. Because what if he has had anal sex with Wally or some other guy?

What if Dick has sucked cock before and let another guy suck his cock?

The images of Dick topping Wally only makes me wonder what else they have done. Would I even want to know? Should I have to know?

The questions become poison to my mind. I can feel my stomach hurt more with every passing doubt and fear. I tremble from just thinking of my boyfriend and what he’s doing now.

Cuddling? Kissing? Is he telling Wally West he loves him again?

Dick is supposed to be my prince charming. I’ve always (and secretly) imagined him riding a white horse to my apartment. As cheesy as that sounds, Dick has been the only guy who can pull off being so alluring and kind. He’s the guy who can make me smile during a thunderstorm. The way he pushes his dark hair back and grins like an underwear supermodel and the way he holds me all the time because he’s just a big cuddly guy at heart.

But then Dick changed…or maybe this is who he really is even though our relationship was just a...

Show.

But wasn’t I enough?

Was I just not beautiful enough for Dick?

Was I…just a girl who he realized he doesn’t want right now?

Oh shit…

What if he’s…gay?

No, no he can’t be totally gay. I mean, Dick has had several of girlfriends throughout his entire life.

Barbara Gordon.

Starfire.

Zatanna.

Dove.

He even flirted with Raven!

Bruce always joked around with us that Dick was a mini-me to him. Bruce and Dick were ladies’ men for fucks sake.

Which could explain why Tim would follow after Bruce and Dick’s every move and has had his fair share of relationships with Stephanie Brown and Cassie Sandsmark. Hell, even Damian has admitted he and Raven had a fling last summer.

If anyone is gay or bisexual, it must be Jason fucking Todd. The man who looks like he’d fuck any living thing. Which could explain why everyone jokes that Jason, Roy, and Kori had a threesome relationship.

It’s a fucking running gag that no one has seemed to stop, despite Roy and Kori becoming more serious and committed to one another over the years.

Why couldn’t Jason be gay or bisexual?

Why does my Dick Grayson have to be?

My fucking tears piss me off when I realize I’m crying like a fucking baby. I bite my bottom lip, and I pull my hair as tight as I could.

I haven’t been cheated on before but for some reason, I feel like being cheated on isn’t the problem.

The problem is clearly Dick, who felt the need to hide his true self. He obviously didn’t trust me enough, even though we knew each other for such a long fucking time. If he had told me he was bisexual, then maybe I would have been okay with it. Maybe I could have trusted him and be with him.

A knock on the door startles me. I wipe away my tears and stand up to get it. Slowly answering the door, I see Jason standing there. Wearing his dark pants and red hoodie, I set aside to allow him to come in.

“Are you okay, Y/N? What the fuck happened?” Jason asks worriedly. He follows me to the couch where I throw myself down.

Should I tell Jason? Should I tell him everything? What if he already knows? But what if he doesn’t know?

Jason’s ocean blue eyes stare down at me; filled with concern and worry. I’ve actually never seen him look so…serious about me. The way he gazes at me and how his strong jawline really is shows me I’ve never really looked at him before.

He’s attractive, and he clearly knows that. It’s as if one of Jason’s powers is self-confidence. He proudly shows off his handsome features, the ‘J’ scar, and his body that’s built like a sex God. I force myself to shake my head and ignore my inner thoughts because whether I like it or not, I still have a boyfriend.

Who has a secret boyfriend of his own.

“My life…is ruined,” I start off. I sigh, because even I don’t believe myself. “Everything I thought I knew…ended up being…a lie, I guess.”

“Which is…what?” Jason motions me to continue.

I begin to crack under pressure. It’s not like I have my parents or any siblings alive to tell, or my good friend Artemis Crock (who is supposedly on a vacation with Zatanna and M’gann in the Bahamas but should be back this weekend), so who the hell am I supposed to tell?

The more I keep it in is when I’ll blow up. I have a feeling I’ll take Jason’s guns and go shoot Dick and Wally’s kneecaps.

I turn to face Jason, and I realize he’s scooted closer to me. He slowly moves a hand to my knee and rubs it reassuringly. The tears fall again, but this time Jason wipes them with his thumb.

“He’s...Dick’s…sleeping with Wally,” I whisper. Just saying it out loud feels strange and as if it’s not real at all. “I-I went to his apartment and I saw them.”

Jason’s eyes widen. He quickly removes his hand off my knee and stands up. Within seconds, he’s pacing around my living room. Jason’s hands clench into fists and he scoffs. “So, he’s fucking gay, and he’s dating you? What a fucking idiot?! If he wanted to go around and fuck guys’ assholes, then why not tell you the truth and break up with you? Who the fuck does he think he is? The second any of us has a secret, Bruce fucking loses his shit and makes us tell him! But what, Dick’s the golden child and can keep a fucking secret about his gayness? That’s not fucking cool. I fucking despise that. I despise how he’s been stringing you along and isn’t even attracted to a fucking beautiful girl like you,” Jason growls under his breath.

“I-I think he’s still attracted to me. I mean, we’ve done things before…just not lately,” I defend Dick. I suppose Jason didn’t know about Dick either.

“Dick’s eaten you out before?”

“Yes.”

“You mean to tell me he’s eaten that beautiful, delicious pussy of yours?” Jason asks seriously.

“I-how would you know about my pussy, Jason? We’ve never slept together and you sure as hell have never seen me naked!” I cry out in pure anger.

Jason smirks. He sits back down and makes me face him. “So, Dick has pleasured you before and you really feel like he is still attracted to you? Okay, then he’s clearly bisexual. The question is: he’s barely acting on his sexual feelings or whatever fucking shit he’s doing. The thing is Y/N, he cheated on you. I don’t care that he’s bi, but he shouldn’t have fucking cheated on you. That’s low…even for the golden boy. Now, what are you going to do about it?” Jason asks me.

“I don’t know. I just…don’t want to think about it right now. What can I do? I can’t change him. I can’t make him straight and want…me. It just fucking hurts so much,” I confess. Jason sits back and pulls me over so he’s holding me tightly. “Jay…what are you doing?”

“Holding you…duh.”

“Y-you never hold me. You’ve never held me,” I point out.

“I’m comforting you, doll. Is that such a crime?” Jason asks curiously.

“Well, honestly I didn’t think you liked me. I always thought that you thought I was annoying and didn’t want me around the manor or even in the Batfamily,” I admit softly. I turn my face, so my face is in his sweater. He smells like Old Spice and some kind of expensive cologne.

“Well, I didn’t think you liked me either so…that’s why I’ve been nothing but an asshole to you,” Jason reveals before chuckling. “I like you. You…don’t piss me off as much as other people.”

“You don’t piss me off that much either. So, I obviously like you too,” I say, even when my voice is muffled.

Jason gently pulls me away so he can look at me. “You know, if you ever need someone…I’m around,” he tells me.

“I’m around too.”

My cell phone dings with new notifications. I quickly jump up from the couch and get it off the kitchen counter where I left it. Dick texted me.

Hey sweetheart! I just got back from patrol with my brothers. I’m soooo tired so I think I’ll sleep over here, and I’ll see you in the morning. Is that okay?

I scoff softly. He claims to be tired from patrolling, but I know it’s from fucking his secret boyfriend all night long. But obviously, he doesn’t know that I know so I have to play along.

Hi babe. That’s good! I’m glad you got home safely. Yeah, I’m already falling asleep, so I’ll see you in the morning too.

Okay, I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast. Oh, and don’t forget! The Wayne Family Barbecue is tomorrow, and everyone is coming back from their vacations and missions to go! It’s going to be so much fun! I can’t wait to see you tomorrow, sweetheart.  I love you Y/N.

See you in the morning. I love you too. Goodnight. I text back. I fight the urge to out him on the phone just so he knows that I know.

I could just imagine Dick panicking and flipping the fuck out if I threaten to tell his family. But a voice inside me tells me not to.

It’s my fucking heart. I hate it so much right now.

I slam my phone down. Who the fuck does Dick think he is? Does he honestly sleep well at night knowing that he’s cheating on me with his best friend? Does he honestly not give a fuck about me?

“Why am I not enough? What...is wrong with me? Why can’t I be with Dick wants?” I barely whisper. My throat tightens from crying.

“No, Y/N. You’re more than enough. Nothing is wrong with you. You just...you need someone who sees you as their world and beyond. You’ll find him, I know it.”

Jason sneaks up behind me and rubs my back. I feel the sickness returning to my stomach, and I turn around into Jason’s arms, where he holds me and doesn’t judge me.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. If I-I had known, I would have told you. You don’t deserve this,” Jason whispers in my ear. He keeps rubbing my back. “I would never hurt you.”

“Are you telling me you wouldn’t hurt me in general, or that if you were gay or bi that you wouldn’t hurt me?” I ask.

“Well, I sure as hell am not gay or bi. I love women, doll. But I guess if I had a secret like that, I would tell you. I just…thought Dick would have been different, I guess.”

I pull away and look up at him. Jason’s taller than Dick, so I feel like a little ant compared to Jason, who is clearly a fucking tree. “Wait, Dick said the Wayne Family Barbecue is tomorrow? Everyone’s going?”

“Oh shit, really? I must have forgotten about that. Well, I guess everyone is going, yeah,” Jason answers, before his eyes widen. “Wally’s going to be there, too.”

I cover my face. “What the fuck am I going to do, Jason?” I scream.

“Look doll, I’ll be there too, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you get through it, okay? We just can’t tell anyone else about this, all right? Because honestly, I don’t know what Bruce would do if he found out about Dick and Wally. He might fucking kill him or something,” Jason says.

“Bruce is against gays? B-but there are gay, lesbians, and other LGBTQ people in the league. He can’t be homophobic!” I panic.

“I’m not saying he is, but Bruce is…a little more old-fashioned than what some people might think. Dick is like his first son, and Dick has always been the perfect fucking Robin, and Bruce might think Dick’s sexual orientation would change his public image and superhero image. I just think it would be best if no one found out about it right now, okay? Let’s just keep this between us, until we figure something out. Dick is my brother, and as much as I love fucking ruining his and my other brothers’ lives, this is pretty serious,” Jason advises seriously.

I nod my head in agreement. If Jason thinks this is the right thing to do, then it must be; since I have no other plans to handle this.

“Okay, I won’t tell anyone. But Jason? Just between us, I can’t be with Dick anymore. Not after he…cheated on me,” I confess.

It hurt a lot. Just confessing how I can’t be with Dick anymore fills me with nothing but endless pain.

“I know,” Jason says softly. He takes my hands in his until I look up into his eyes. “But just know this: I know for a fact that…Dick loved you. He really cared about you, Y/N. But whatever he’s going through, maybe it’s been eating at him for a long fucking time, not that doesn’t excuse cheating on you.”

I bite my bottom lip. I know Jason means well, but I honestly don’t know if I could believe any men ever again. All they seem to do is break hearts, lie, keep secrets, and use you just because they’re ashamed or hiding their own sexuality.

But deep down inside, I know Dick loved me before; just like deep down, I’ll always love him.

But I can’t deal with love anymore.

Fuck love.

“Yeah, but you know what, Jason? I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to date. I don’t want to be close to anyone. I don’t want to fall in love ever again. Love fucking hurts, and if this is how it’s going to be every time I fall for a guy, then…it’s just not worth it. It’s not worth the troubles. It’s not worth the happiness. It’s not worth the excruciating pain. Once Dick decides to stop using me and our relationship to hide his love for Wally,” I say, before I sob at the end. “I want nothing to do with the Batfamily ever again. I want out of it. I honestly never want to see him or any of you again. Because…being a part of the Batfamily was the best thing in my life…”

Jason’s crystal blue eyes tear up. “Y/N…you don’t mean that. Y-you can’t mean that…” he chokes out.

“I do. I mean every word of it,” I stand my ground.

“Doll, please…let me help you fix this. I-I don’t want you to leave our family. I mean, you can’t just abandon me,” Jason’s voice breaks down. He looks as if he’s in pain as well, except I don’t know why. “Give me one chance. Give me just one chance to show you no every fucking guy is going to hurt you. Please Y/N…”

I can’t hear it anymore. If I have to surrender for the night, then so be it. “Fine, but I’m tired and I need to go to sleep. I need to…try to forget about tonight.”

Jason nods his head and heads to the door with me behind him. He steps out and glances back at me.

“If you need me…” Jason whispers.

“You’re around,” I finish for him.

Jason opens his mouth to speak but closes it. He ends up leaving without another word. I shut the door and lock up for the night. My body is weak. My mind is fried. I find myself stumbling to the couch and I end up falling to sleep there for the night. The second my eyes close to fall into the darkness of the night, my cell phone dings again.

I reach over to the coffee table and get it; only to see the notification is from that same Unknown number. I slowly open to see the new text message.

It’s killing you, isn’t it? I can just imagine you lying down, feeling sorry for yourself, despising everyone else who may or may not have known, and how you feel as if your world is over. You must have decided to protect Dick Grayson, isn’t that right?

I feel as if I’m stepping into a pit of fire. This is becoming dangerous territory right now.

Whatever I do now doesn’t concern you. Thanks for telling me the truth, but I don’t need anymore help from you. Good-bye.

If you stop fucking responding to me, I’ll make sure Bruce Wayne finds out first, you little bitch!

I gasp at the screen. What the hell is going on?

Now that I got your depressive attention, maybe now you’ll see I’m not just going to disappear when you say so. Now listen to me, Y/N. I’m not someone who you can just delete from your phone. I’m not someone who you can block from other electronic devices. I’m not someone you can just wish away on a bright star, because I know you more than you know yourself. Now are you ready to listen to me?

What do you want from me? I text back anxiously.

What I want isn’t something you can just tell me over a text message, Y/N. Now, I need you to be prepared to go along as if nothing happened. You need to pretend you didn’t discover about Dick’s sexuality and infidelity. I need you to continue to be the loving and caring girlfriend, especially at the Wayne Family Barbecue. No one can know about tonight, and if you perform like a convincing Oscar award winning actress, then I’ll spare your life.

Why? Why are you doing this? What are you even planning?

That is not important information at this moment because it’s going to take a while before your knowledge of this plan is requested. I just need you to prove to Dick and his family that you love him with all your heart. Kiss him. Embrace him. Tell him you love him every three minutes. Why don’t you show everyone how you originally believed your relationship was in the beginning, Y/N?

I frown. My chest tightens. It’s as if this person knew everything that was going on in my head.

You clearly have a choice, Y/N: you either do as I say and nobody dies, or I’ll out him in my own way that will surely destroy Dick and the Batfamily’s lives. And let’s just say that the latter would be very public, and Dick would surely never be the same since he’s a…well you know…a perfectionist. He has a reputation he must keep up, and just imagine how everyone would react if any recorded evidence got out, including the one man who he calls Dad.

Okay, I’ll do it your way. I quickly text back. I hate myself even more now.

Even after you discovered he’s not who he says he is, how he rather be with a man than with you, and how he cheated on you, you’re honestly going to continue to stand by his side and protect him. That’s almost romantic, but he doesn’t love you anymore, Y/N.

I don’t care about me. Just please…don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt anyone. I respond desperately.

Oh, believe me, Y/N. My fun had just begun. Now, you need to put on a convincing show, because I’ll be watching.  

Whoever this person is, they’re clearly obsessed with putting an end to Dick’s life and reputation. I try to think of another way out of this, but I’m in too deep.

Just remember Y/N, if you plan on getting out of this, your new family will be gone before you know it. You’ll be all alone just like you fear, only when you are all alone, you’ll be dying on all their corpses. And I’ll personally make sure Dick’s skull is right beside your head.

And just like that, I’m thrown back into the Batfamily again.

[serenagaywaterford]

How opposed do you think serena is to labelling herself with ‘lesbian’? Would she ever use any alternatives?

I think, Serena… Hmm… would be adamantly opposed to any label for a very long time. Because she would be stuffed full of religious indoctrination and shame being fed by heaps of internalised homophobia and specifically lesbophobia. I can’t see her being very comfortable with any label for a long time even when she is in a relationship with another woman. She’d be the type to refer to June (or whomever) as her “partner”, and make sure it’s vague and safe. Never “girlfriend”, cos that’s too bold and upfront. Never admit that it’s actually two women. She’d hide behind language like “partner” or “significant other” for sure, probably even say “they” instead of “she” when in conversation with people, just to hide a little more.

That said, down the road? If I’m taking her out of canon, hmm. I think the journey to a label would be long but mostly direct. Firstly, I don’t know what any alternatives are to “lesbian”. It’s a pretty specific thing and literally none of the other words I can think of mean lesbian. (Unless they’re reclaimed slurs like dyke or lesbo, etc. or something really clunky like “homosexual woman” which lbr nobody really says.) Whether she would go through a phase of mislabelling herself because she is afraid of the word is another question though. Would she consider herself bisexual? Perhaps. It would be incredibly difficult to admit that an entire marriage was pointless and unfulfilling. Denial is powerful. Like how could a lesbian be married to a man for so long? Right? (I really don’t want to get into any debate about lesbian purity but it happens, and there are plenty of lesbians who have.) I think she could hang onto that for a while. I can see her clinging on for dear life to the bisexual label, for a host of reasons. 

[And I know I may differ with some Serena/June fans, but I do not headcanon her as bisexual. I just don’t. June, yes, actually because I believe her romantic and sexual attraction to men is genuine and real. Serena? Not in a million years. That woman is as gay as a window and yes, I will die on this hill regardless of what canon tells me.]

She may even insist one of those stupid “It’s not all women, just one!” Like, I’m not homosexual, it’s just this specific person! LOL. Okay. Sure, Jan. Cos that’s a real thing. I see Serena being very much that sort of person in rabid denial.

Like I said though, I would suspect eventually she would recognise things and put every piece of her life into perspective, and give herself a little break. I also think internally she would be immediately questioning whether she is homosexual. Cos, yeah, that’s part of her whole ideology, this gender traitor gay-hating thing. She would think that about herself and try to mitigate it, and talk herself into some other excuse. Like “It’s not me, it’s just her. It’s a one-off. Or it’s a phase.” Something like that to make it seem less than it is.

But no, Serena wouldn’t call herself an alternative. Cos, a)I don’t know any so I can’t speak to that lol and she certainly wouldn’t call herself a slur, and b)it’s SERENA. She wouldn’t be sitting around on social media or going to gender studies courses in uni. She wouldn’t even know the language, slang, or whatever 60239 sexual identities and labels people have now. She would know the basics and have to pick from those. Gay, lesbian, bi, ~gender traitor~. That’s all she would know, PLUS the slurs because there is no way someone with that much hate, and surrounded by so much hate pre- and during Gilead wouldn’t be aware of them. Even just from church.

I think she may start with “gender traitor” because it’s what she’s familiar with, and it’s sort of …vague in a sense. Also, the shame. MAYBE eventually once she’s done the whole journey or whatever she may use “gay”, and I would suspect she would before using “lesbian” cos let’s be totally honest, it is the hardest for so many women to say. There is still so much stigma attached and women are still afraid to say it, cos also it is the most dangerous for women. To be a lesbian means to be unavailable to men entirely. They don’t like that. At all. They will do anything to change that. It starts with words and ends with rape. Even saying “gay” as a woman is somehow less threatening for some reason, but “lesbian” is a definitive statement. (Maybe it’s cos “gay” for women has been watered down and so many people just use it without understanding that it is HOMOSEXUAL. So men can hear gay, and be like “Meh, she’ll be with dudes too cos all these other ~gay girls~ do.” Yet a man says “gay” and he is equally as threatening and gross to straight men as a lesbian is, but for different reasons. Being exclusively homosexual makes straight people (but especially men) hate you. And when they hate you, it is a scary place to be. So, I can deffo see Serena being quite afraid. Like she is a pretty huge coward generally lol and this would be even worse. That’s what got her into so much of her own bullshit. So she would be terrified of the word lesbian.

TMI: I know I was. I adamantly refused to use the word for years cos it was gross and scary or whatever idiocy I had in my head. I was actually at a comedy club with my girlfriend and the comedian picked us out (it was all straight people) and said “Oh, we’ve got some lesbians here, right?” and I was so completely horrified and terrified that I blurted, as disgusted as I could, “No! I’m not!” And I’ll tell you my girlfriend wasn’t very happy for one thing, and the comedian just looked confused. Like, clearly I am. But I just loudly refused to be called that cos I was scared. Of so many things. So, I get it. I get the absolute refusal to accept that you are that word because it’s all sorts of things. Mostly associated with bad. But it’s not. And I don’t even have the really deeply ingrained homophobia as somebody like Serena does (I deffo had internalized homo/lesbophobia tho). So, if I struggled with it, I am certain someone like her would struggle a lot more. Especially when the stakes are even higher and more dangerous. Like, this is a woman that has supported a regime that hangs gay men in public and rapes/genitally mutilates lesbians and knows exceptionally well how easily a regime can target and eradicate gays and lesbians.

Now, would Serena EVER say it? I’m not sure. I think about that sometimes writing fic. How does Serena view herself? Would she ever get to a healthy enough place that she could call herself a lesbian? Or is she somewhat of a lost cause? (It also comes into play how much she’ll ever admit about the shit she’s done.)

Sometimes I doubt it. I sometimes think she would spend her whole life talking around the actual word and using euphemisms or long descriptions instead of saying the word. Because that is a lot A LOT of lesbophobia for her to unpack. More than a lot of people. (Not to mention she’s a very stubborn and proud person so part of that would be admitting she was wrong in the past and… well, lbr, Serena is NOT good at that either lol.) That said, there are some raging homophobes that come out and quite quickly embrace the most “extreme” label because it is such a relief. It’s freedom. It’s safety in a totally different way than a lie. Could she be like that? Almost as if she launches herself into another ~cause straight away? Hmm. Maybe. She does also have that streak in her.

So, long story short, anon. I dunno. I would suspect IF she ever does, it would be a long, long journey for her but it wouldn’t beat around the bush (unless that journey involves mislabelling herself in an attempt to soften the blow/part of self-discovery). I don’t see her using any “alternatives” tbh. Cos it’s Serena, a woman in her mid-late 30s who has spent her whole life either in church, in very right wing conservative circles, and/or in a literal religio-fascist society. Not a 20 year old on tumblr who has all this new lingo at their fingertips. She simply wouldn’t have the language. Or care. I’ll be honest, most people over 30 don’t give a shit about all this. You’re gay, you’re lesbian, or you’re bi. That’s it. Maybe at a push some of them use “queer” now. And frankly, Serena would never, ever use that word. Not with the huge stigma attached to that in church/right wing circles where it is literally a slur and nothing else. She wouldn’t be the type to “reclaim” anything. She’d hear that word and likely only think of the horrible, violent ways it was used in her upbringing and communities. It would probably evoke fear. I’d say possibly even trauma. So, I would definitely cross that one off the possible “alternative” list. (I’d also cross “homosexual” off that list too for the same reasons. That word is said with such hate, disgust, and derision in conservative and church communities. It sounds like poison when they say it. And Serena couldn’t get past that for a very long time, I’d guess.) 

She’s simply not that sort of person to make a stand like that or face demons that frequently lol. She is not a very brave person, nor is she one that simply doesn’t care what people think of her. She appears to care very much and that would be a huge influence on her behaviour and thoughts. Unless it’s something she ADAMANTLY believes in. Like, she has to hit a limit before she snaps and doesn’t care what people think anymore. (We’ve only seen that Serena a few times in canon. Most of the time she’s a cheerleader for the status quo.) I do believe deep, deep down she doesn’t truly care… but fear/validation is a crazy drug. It would take a lot for her to get there.Wow, I said long story short and just went off on another tangent so okay. I’m done. Serena: no alternatives, uses “gay/lesbian” after a very, very long time–if at all. *shrug* I dunno. I can possibly be persuaded otherwise but this is basically my view...

[jinniesmeow]

good evening. this is a very long rant. if you’ve been tagged in this, it means I have a message for you :’) it’s at the bottom of the post, and that’s the most important part, so dear mutuals, feel free to just go read that part and don’t feel forced to read all that bullcrap I've written. thank you if you do, thank you if you don’t. 

if we’re not mutuals and you’re reading this, well I guess thank you because this is hella long and cliché af. I'm sorry to everyone for this. though it kinda has nothing to do with what I'm saying, I was feeling particularly gay tonight and I'm in my feelings right now so yeah. if you’re willing to read, just click, you know how that works. 

first of all, hello. thank you if you’re reading this, whether we’re mutuals or not, this isn’t a private post so if you’re reading this, hello to you, I hope you’re having a wonderful night or day and I guess sorry for what you’re about to read if it’s considered TMI. I don’t know everyone on here so I'll start with the basics. I’m zia, aka users jinniesmeow, yunholy, hwangitzy and very recently yuzukhei. I'm (almost) 19, and in case you didn’t know, I'm French. and Italian, fortunately or not, idk. 100% European and white anyway, and my ancestors were all 100% racist and homophobic (I mean Poland and Italy? come on.). My sister, who’s turning 23 this year (she’s not on Tumblr), and myself are the first generation in my family to be queer on whichever side of it it is you’re looking at. 

Indeed, (if you didn’t know somehow, now you do) both her and I are pansexual. thankfully, our mom is far from being homophobic and racist and she’s a very open minded person, like really. neither of us have ever had a coming out, and none of us plan on doing it. I totally understand the necessity for some people to come out to their relatives and all that, but here’s why I personally refuse to do it: I don’t get why I have to tell people I'm not straight. I think it only fuels the fact that being straight is seen as the norm, because do straight people ever announce they are straight? exactly. being queer (gay, lesbian, pan, ace, whatever) is not abnormal, it’s not unnatural, so I refuse to have to scream it to everyone, and I don’t mean by that that I'm trying to hide my queerness, because I'm very open and honest about it, and I always have been. I hope one day, we won’t need to come out anymore and that people will stop assuming our sexuality. until then, I'll let people get flustered whenever I imply that I'm not straight without having ever stated it clearly before because fuck that shit. 

anygays. so, like I said, I've always been very open and honest about my romantic and sexual orientation. I know lots of bi/pan people “realise” they are queer when they’re a bit older, during their teenage years or early adulthood, but (un)fortunately I am not one of those. I have literally always known I liked girls too (in the first place, I mean). actually, I’ve always thought attraction and romance were about the person, like, I mean it was an evidence to me ever since I was a child, and how can I explain that I got slapped in the face when I discovered that it was not a universal thing, that it was not “the truth”. so there I was, in the middle of elementary school, openly saying I liked girls in front of everyone because I thought it was normal. I mean, it is, but you get what I mean. 

on top of that, the term “pansexual” has been occulted and invalidated for years, and most people didn’t even know of it until like maybe 3 years ago. remember, I'm 19, and there I was in middle school at 13 years old telling people I was pansexual when they’d barely even heard of bisexuality (while everyone else was like ‘I'm straight!! ew the gays’ btw). honestly, I cannot count how many times I've been called a pedophile, a necrophile and zoophile. by my very own friends, yes. 

same with high school, but I'm not going to repeat myself. just for the precision: no, I have never been physically or mentally bullied for that, however, I was mocked a lot because of how tall I am (I was 1m73/5′7 at 14) and because I can be quite androgynous since I don’t have big boobs. I have large hips though, so those fucking males didn’t miss the chance to pick on me for that too. obviously though if I've never been full on bullied it’s because: 1. I've always had friends and I've never been a ‘loner nerd’, 2. I was tall and intimidating, 3. I was respected for my intelligence and grades and wasn’t being full of myself about being a top student, and 4. because I was neither fat nor a person of colour, obviously, and those are privileges I'm very aware of. I have still been called a ‘woman with a dick’ and other transphobic shit and was often treated as if I were a boy, though. 

I still identify as a girl. I have been so, so complexed about so many things about my physical appearance for so long, I can’t count how many hours I have spent looking at my naked reflection in the mirror, feeling disgusted, wishing I had bigger boobs and that I would “look more like a girl” and so on. how much I have hated my body is something I can’t even measure. as of today, I've realised there is no such thing as “looking like a girl” and I've made a lot of progress on liking my overall appearance and accepting my body, sometimes I even think I'm hot™ and definitely think men don’t deserve me but for some fucking reason I can’t choose my sexuality (crazy right) and I still am attracted both romantically and sexually to them :/ 

anyways. now you know how long I've known that I'm a pansexual and throughout all these years, every time someone talked about the community or when pride came, no one mentioned us pansexuals, and I've seen us being invalidated so many times I really started doubting myself. I was like, “it’s like being bisexual, I'm just being butthurt and pushing it too far” but at the same time I never stopped calling myself pansexual. to some people, it’s just a preference in the choice of words to say you’re bi or pan, but to me there is a difference, even if it’s the smallest ever, and yes. being bi and being pan are “basically the same thing” and both orientations are very close but that very difference means everything to me. I am attracted to people, romantically and sexually, regardless of their gender. that is exactly it. and it’s very important to me.

I'm sorry if this is a mess, it’s hard to say things in the right order when I have so much to say, but I'm going to go back to what I was saying in the beginning about my family. I talked about my mom. my parents have been separated since I was 6 and haven’t spoken to each other in like 12 years btw. so, as for my dad, I know he wouldn’t care. he’s not homophobic, not racist. he does say homophobic and racist things sometimes, without realising it, like a lot of people do, and that doesn’t make him a homophobe. I know he doesn’t care if I'm gay, and I feel good just knowing that. however, remember, my family is italian. everyone around us is 100% straight (except for my cousins, I'm pretty sure one of them is bi-curious and the other is ace, but they aren’t open about this at all and have probably never questioned their sexuality lmao) and then there are my sister and I in the middle of it, and we’re like “yup, we’re the gay cousins”. the italian side of my family is huge. like really, my father has a total of 24 cousins (and I don’t mean the little ones and all that, I mean first degree cousins), so imagine how many of us there are in total when you’re counting everyone’s kids, spouses, grandkids and great-grandkids (you read that well, some of his cousins are old, some are even deceased). and they’re italian. and 100% into their religious set of mind that has them believe their god forbids being gay and that we’ll burn in hell. whatever, would’ve been going there anyway, gay or not so it’s not like I care, all the more reasons to be a fag. 

and yes I have proof they are racist and homophobic, I've heard the things they’ve said. so, I, whomst has had depression for basically all her life and also has every existing form of anxiety there is, don’t exactly feel comfortable around these people. and on top of being gay, I listen to “Ching Chong music”!!! how do I have to put into words that I know exactly what they think of me? I even have blue hair now so like, blending in even less than before. so yeah. 

to add on to that feeling of worthlessness, when I entered high school, I was still a top student without doing any type of work whatsoever, but then depression got the best of me (like for real this time how am I even still alive tbh) and I fell so hard I could barely stand going to school anymore. my last two years of high school (it lasts 3 years in France) have been disastrous. I barely attended and could barely manage keeping my grades above average, because I had zeros on 99% of my homework since I never did it. still had good enough grades on tests though, and it saved my ass. 

honestly, I don’t even want to talk about these years and how I was feeling, because it’s still too fresh for me and I'm stil trying (yes, trying) to heal from it. I can say without a doubt that they were some of the worst years of my life though. however final exams came and my ass managed to get a really good grade without revising anything, this way I could send a big, huge, fuck off to my teachers who had been shitting in my face for years and making me feel like the hugest shit on earth. I hope they choke on their jealousy. then I went to uni for about three months, where I majored in English, but eventually decided to stop because I couldn’t go a day without having a panic attack on the train, because I still couldn’t get my ass to do any work, because I was bored out of my mind and just when I had started feeling better after leaving high school I was sinking further down. I spent months staying home without seeing anyone but my mom and doing nothing but watching Netflix (the French catalogue isn’t as interesting as the American one btw). then, I finally found the guts to go see a therapist. not gonna say it was a mistake, but I'm glad I stopped because this bitch was just here to take my money. I took antidepressants for a few months, and I have stopped really recently, actually. in all honesty, I have gotten much better, thanks to my own doing, I've worked so hard on getting better and I'm proud of how far I've come. 

today, I can finally say for the first time ever in my life that I am proud of who I am. 

the whole point of saying all of this shit you have (maybe) read is not because I want people to give attention to me or anything like, I don’t want pity or anything and truly don’t think there are any reasons for people to feel any pity towards me. I'm saying this because I want to thank the people around me for just existing, for supporting me, for making me feel validated. because you might not realise it, but (a lot of) you are often talking about your problems, and it makes me realise that I'm not the only one feeling this kind of way. it makes me realise there are people who might understand me, even just a little. and when I see you talking about your sexual/romantic orientation (or lack of so) it also makes me feel accepted. I see you guys reblog such validating things, and then some of you even have pride flags in your layouts, and you have no idea how my heart feels about it. if you weren’t aware, I'm a twitter person. I've spent so much time on there, I have met lots of people, lots of which are part of the community and openly supporting it, and yet I have never felt more validated than since I've been on here. 

I've also met the people I consider “the most” as my internet best friends on here, like my best best internet friends, if that makes sense lmao, and not actually on twitter (although I might be pushing it because I have actually gone from IVL to IRL with most of them so like... whatever.) point is: I have met amazing friends I'm so thankful for on here. and all the people I see in my dash, to all of you, thanks for everything too even if we don’t really talk and if we haven’t had actual discussions before. now if you want to, you can always come to me to talk about whatever the fuck you want. 

so, here, I want to thank all of you, because today I'm finally starting to think maybe, just maybe, that I want to keep on living and that good things might happen to me. I have no plans for the future, since I never imagined myself getting this far in life, but I'm still willing to give it a try. 

please, if after you’re reading this, you’re thinking about telling me cliché things about staying strong and all that, I'm going to ask you not to do it. it just feels like pity to me. or choose your words wisely, I'm begging you, because I can’t stand thinking anyone would pity me. please don’t feel like that, that’s not the point of this.

I'm doing this as a thank you, and as a message to everyone out there who’s read this. I hope my words mean something to you. maybe help you? it’s ok to be confused about who you are. it’s ok not to like yourself, it takes so much work to get better and all that, but just know that you can do it, it is possible to do it. it takes time, it will hurt, but it’s an option. it’s not impossible. 

now. I have some people I want to send a quick message to. I guess some of you will be surprised, but just read what I have to say please, and know that from the bottom of my heart, I mean it.

@hwangwhatjin Emily. I don’t even know where to start, and soon I won’t even be able to see what I'm typing anymore because the tears I've been fighting while writing all this crap have started flowing all of a sudden the second I typed your name. you’re the first friend I made on here. we started off nothing, and I was a no one, and yet you still talked to me and all that. you’re honestly one of the most tolerant and kind people I have ever met in my life. you’re the exact opposite of prejudiced, you’re so open minded, so not giving a shit about other people’s quirks (I mean it in the right way) that don’t concern you directly, like people are who they are and you don’t give a damn about it, it’s amazing. I know this doesn’t sound like a compliment, but I can’t find the right way to put this. you’ve also always been there to listen to me whenever I wanted you to, and you have never judged me once. you have no idea how thankful I am for having you in my life. I wouldn’t want to have anyone else hold the title of bro. I love you so, so much, and I'm sorry we haven’t been talking lately. I hope I can help you just like you’ve helped me and support you as much as you need me to in the future, and I want you to know I'll always be there for you, I'll never let you down. you have no idea how much I can’t wait to meet you so I can wrap you in a blanket and give you hot chocolate while I light up a gingerbread scented candle (yes, I remember) and put on some blink-182 and stroke your hair because it’s what you deserve. you’re one of my best friends, like ever, and it’s such a pain we’re so far from each other, fuck this damn channel. one day I'll just swim to you to hear your wonderful accent you say you hate so much. anything to see you. I'm sorry I'm so old, I wish it were less of a problem, but as you grow up this gap will be less and less of an obstacle, so let’s just be patient, yeah? I love you, bro. roach bros to the end of the line.

@pikachulein Laura. ok. where do I start and how do I stop my eyes from sweating so much. you know, I'm just gonna say it. in my opinion, soulmates aren’t the people we’re especially meant to be with in a romantic way, and we might even have several of them. I just think they’re people who just bring you so much, and people who are like another version of you, but different. kind of like I described in my Felix au, actually. when I call you my soulmate, I really mean it, because I'd never thought I'd meet someone who understands me so well because they relate so much, someone who basically shares the same mind because hell, when have we ever had different thoughts on something like... it will never cease to amaze me. it’s only been a few months since we’ve known each other, but I actually think you’re one of my closest friends. hell, on the day we meet, because I'm not taking no for an answer, I don’t even know how I'll be holding up like, I won’t know how to act. so in advance, I'm sorry if I'm so weird at first. you’ve listened to the story of my whole life and you’ve shared your experience back, and you have no idea how thankful I am for that. maybe you haven’t realised, but you’ve been of a huge help to me. thank you for being so understanding, for not judging me, for being so open about everything with me, thank god I have someone with whom I can talk about literally any subject without it feeling uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. I have so many things to say I can’t even find the words, honestly. I’m just so thankful that you exist and that I have you in my life, and that you actually like me as a person too. thanks so much. you’re my best bitch, together we’re the baddest bitches of the pan squad and I can’t wait to travel across Europe with you for real. the world ain’t ready for us. 

@hanniesunshine Isabel. you’re just the biggest ray of sunshine ever. everything about you is so pure I'm even scared to be one of the people you talk to because I feel like you don’t deserve to talk to me (I mean like you deserve much better than me) and that I'm way too filthy for you. you’re always so good and kind to me, so, so supportive, and I can’t even thank you enough for that. honestly, every time I see you somewhere, kakaotalk, WhatsApp, Tumblr, I just can’t help but smile because you’re the purest and brightest being the earth has ever seen and I can’t believe you would actually want to talk to someone like me. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry for being such a cold bitch (and for using this word) sometimes, and for almost never finding the right words. thanks for always being so eager about reading my content. I'll keep supporting you, and I'll do better in everything!! I love you, so, so much. I'll always be there for you if you need me or want me. 

@sleepyracha Marie. I'm so, so sorry I'm so inconsistent and that I don’t talk to you as much as I used to, I hope we’re still okay. I just want to thank you for being the open minded person you’ve shown me you are and for supporting me all the time, and for very interesting conversations about literally anything. I promise I'm learning Spanish and that soon we’ll be able to talk together in another language than English. I hope you’re doing well and that you know I'm always there for you, and if Tumblr isn’t the best place for you, tell me where you want me to be for you. congrats on passing this year, you’re someone amazing and you’re so chill, it feels so good to see someone like that. thank you for even talking to me in the first place, thank you so much and I love you. 

@lesbianbias Nina. you’re such a soft and pure person, I'm so glad you were my skz anon and that I got to meet a wonderful person like you. you’re always showering me with love, and I always feel like I don’t deserve it. thanks so much for all the support, please, please never change. I love you and you’re amazing. thank you for being so chill as well. I'll make sure I'll return that love to you. 

@xiaocity siya. thank you so much for listening to me, you know what I'm referring to. I know you’re one of those who really deeply understands me and I'm thankful we got to talk, even just a bit. I'm always there if you need me, thank you for supporting me and my works, and be more confident in your writing, it’s good!! I think we actually have a lot in common too, so if you ever feel like talking, feel free to drop by in my dms.

@littlefallenrebel Sophie. we haven’t talked that much, but I feel like we should talk more. we have a lot more in common than we think, I'm sure of it. thank you for being you, thank you for the messages you’ve been spreading with your posts and reblogs. you’re an amazing person and I'm happy you’re my mutual because you’re a truly good person. 

@visualgiggles sam. thank you for your reblogs, whatever they’re about they never fail to cheer me up, whether they’re about tolerance or just memes, even the latter help me regain faith in humanity. we haven’t talked that much but I would gladly talk some more with you if you ever wanted to. you’re a wonderful person and I'm thankful you’re my mutual. 

@dreamypansexual I don’t think we’ve ever talked, I'm not even sure I know your name so I don’t want to say something wrong. but that doesn’t matter, because you’re still one of the people who make me feel the most validated here. hell, you literally have a pan flag as your layout (your user... I mean yeah). your posts are always making me feel so much better because it proves me that there are still such tolerant and open people out there, so thank you. 

@cloudyyboii honestly, I think it’s kind of the same as with your friend right above between me and you. it doesn’t matter though, thanks for the validation and the tolerance you’re spreading around. love you. 

@jxsng Kylie. I don’t think we’ve ever had a private conversation, but whatever. you’ve shown me lots of supports in every other way and you’re such a sweet and open person, I'm thankful you’re my mutual. I feel small next to people like you because I feel like you hold the whole world in your hands, you’re one of those meant to go places and it shows. I'll always support you too. thank you for everything and I love you.

@ggukksrose shims. you’re definitely one of the people who make me feel validated the most, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I always see you sticking up for others and telling the haters to go fuck off, and you even did that with me. you’re an amazing person, and I admire you for the confidence you’ve managed to achieve and I wish you the best in the future, I hope you’ll only get better and better with your fights and if anyone ever messes with you I'll be throwing hands. just say the word. I love you. 

@cypher-yngi Emerson, am I wrong? we’ve never talked though we’ve been mutuals for so long. from what I've seen, we have a lot in common and I'd be more than ok to have even a simple conversation with you, even if you said Orangina was good. you’re also one of those who have helped me feel valid and realise I'm not alone in this world, so if you’re ever feeling alone, and if you want to, let’s be alone together, maybe? gotta love FOB. also, you have amazing music taste. and you're a fellow yoongi stan, and that itself says a lot about the kind of person you are. thanks for existing and I love you.

@wonwonbebe ah... have you ever told me what your name was? I have terrible memory. doesn’t really matter. I love you, I'm so thankful that you were my anon and can’t believe you actually went through all that just to talk to me. you have no idea how thankful I am. you’re a wonderful person, and I'm so, so happy to see that my mutuals are all so amazing and tolerant. thanks for all the positivity. 

@psycho-robin-chan robin, right? we’ve talked a bit before. if you read what’s above, you’ll probably find some parts a bit familiar, haha. I actually loved this conversation with you, if that makes sense? it’s always interesting and it feels good to let it out. I also like seeing I'm not alone, and I like to think that when I speak about such things with people I might also be helping them feel better. so thanks, you also make me feel valid with your posts and reblogs, and you’re such a tolerant and open and chill person at such a young age. never change anything! thanks for being here and supporting me. 

@mirohell sage! we haven’t been mutuals for long, and I'm not expecting you to read everything I've written, it’s ok if you don’t, really. I just wanted to thank you real quick because you’re already showing me lots of support and I feel like we’ll be getting along well. if you want to read this, I'm sorry for putting so much on your shoulders so quick lmao, you’ll basically be knowing so much about me without having asked for anything. feel free not to read it, I'm repeating myself again but really, the actual important part of this post is this one where I thank you all individually. so thank you!! I'll do my best in supporting you in the future as well, and not only by showing your edits some love haha

@theminho min! we haven’t been mutuals for long either, but thank you for caring about me. thanks for even just following me. thanks for this message you’ve sent, it means a lot really. you don’t have to read all that I've written above either,, don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to thank you personally too for just being here and for the support. feel free to come talk to me whenever you want (if you ever want) and I'll be supporting you always!! 

@justlovingkpop my sweetheart, you’re just too cute and so supportive and loving. thank you so, so much for everything and for coming to talk to me!! I'll go reread some of your work soon to because I've missed it. thanks for existing, and know that I'm always there for you. love you lots. 

@strawb-milk-tea my babyyyy I'm going to repeat it but thank you and I love you and you’re so cute and you’re NOT a potato ok, you’re so, so pretty like I knew I was gay but phew... I feel valid too when I see you. long live the gays. 

@five-pence hey there! it’s been a while. hope you’re doing well. thank you for supporting me, thank you for making me feel valid as well, and I love you very much. I'm here whenever. 

@jooheonenthusiast yo. we’ve basically only talked bc of that one post I made, and it’s been enough to show me that you’re an amazing person and a bad bitch. thanks for your support and fuck the homophobes. I love you. 

@marriael adellum. you’re a really kind person. you’re so pure. and you make me me feel very much valid, love your profile pics from the last days by the way. thanks for existing and I'm glad you’ve joined us on the network, it’s a pleasure to have someone like you around. hope I'm not too much of a pain in the ass. 

@channiiebby gryphon. we’ve never talked privately, but you’re a sweetheart. thanks for being you. you’re valid and you know it, and that makes me feel valid too, so thanks for showing me it’s okay to be who you are. I love you.

that’s it. I'm out of words. I've been at this for like 2 hours now. if I think of anyone else, I'll just reblog and add them. but right now I feel totally empty because of all the emotion hive poured into all this and I need to recharge, so good night and I love you all. thank you for your time and attention. 

happy pride month everyone,

your friendly neighbourhood pansexual, zia. 

[girl4music]

Debate: Is Gabrielle gay or bi?

I wanted to talk about something a lot of Xenites seem to have different opinions and interpretations on. Gabrielle’s sexuality throughout the ENTIRE show. 

We’ve established Xena is in fact bisexual and not a lesbian and this is something Lucy Lawless has confirmed herself. Xena had both MALE and FEMALE love interests and/or relationships all the way through the show. From Season 1 to Season 6. In fact this was true even before she met Gabrielle. 

Female love interests and/or relationships: Lao Ma, Anakin, Akemi, M’Lila, Alti and of course... Gabrielle.

Male love interests and/or relationships: Borias, Ares, Marcus, Ulysses, Lucifer, Caesar, Petracles, Draco, Rafe, Iolas and of course... Hercules.

If I’ve missed any, point them out. No, I do not consider Callisto to be one of her female love interests. Bitch was fucked up and Xena fucked her up. There was a sexy energy between them and a kiss between her and Callisto’s “illusion” in ‘The Bitter Suite’ but clearly the characters themselves hated each other’s guts. No love and/or attraction. Alti - only when Xena was evil, possibly, I don’t know. It seemed like Xena liked her anyway so I’ve put her in the list.

Now for Gabrielle (this is going to be long so read at your own digression)... 

Now this is purely my personal opinion of her sexuality and my interpretation with her identifying it and accepting it. A lot of Xenites believe Gabrielle to be bisexual and that’s absolutely fine. Renee O’Connor has never outright confirmed anything about Gabrielle’s sexuality other than that she loved Xena with everything in her. But let’s consider something I believe to be very important to determining whether she was bisexual or not. All of her male love interests and/or relationships where she RECIPROCATED all happened in Season 1 and early Season 2. After the death of Perdicus there was none. Literally none. 

Lin Chi, Eli, Joxer and Joxer’s son Virgil are the only males that even seem interested with her past Season 2 and she never reciprocated any of them. Joxer PINED for her. We know that, and yeah, I would say if there was any male she could of had any interest for romantically/sexually it would of been him. But she didn’t and she made that clear in Eternal Bonds. It was purely a brotherly/sisterly type of relationship. She loved him like he was a brother to her but he loved her way more than that. With Lin Chi, there appeared to be somewhat of a connection between them and she gave him a few smiles but again, Gabrielle made it very clear when she said “You know, some people think a home is a place. It can be a person”, which clearly she was referring to Xena. He got the message from that that he had no chance with her. As for Virgil... it was nothing but a drunken haze. She was definitely not interested in him. He had a thing for her much like his father but there was no reciprocation from Gabrielle at all. Okay, so that’s the male love interests out the way.  If I’ve missed anyone, please let me know. Don’t say Ares. I am not a Gabares shipper or whatever the hell you call that ship. There was nothing there at any point.

Female love interests. Now this was different in the sense that there COULD of been something that transpired between either Thalassa, Najara and Brunhilda as all these women evidently had interest in her... It seemed Gabrielle had a connection with Najara especially and if Xena didn’t find out she was such a wacko, there could of been a relationship between them, 

She was rooted on Xena. Completely loyal to Xena. She explained to any love interests she had be it male or female that it was Xena that was her way, her “path” as she referred to it. I would say her sexuality was Xena and that she was definitely a lesbian, only she didn’t realize it at first. She confused her romantic/sexual attraction to Xena with hero worship in Season 1 and 2 because of the heteronormativity in her hometown and her strict religious and conservative family upbringing. It was compulsory for her to marry a man, bear his children and be the pretty little housewife. She knew she didn’t want that and so she ran away with Xena to avoid it. She was truly the only gay in the village and didn’t even realize it until the influence of the Amazons and her sexual/romantic endeavours with Xena. Midway Season 1 she met Perdicus again, the man she was to marry and eventually did. She said in her own words “I fell in love with him at Troy” in Return Of Callisto when she married him. But why did she marry him? It was a straight ‘no’ until he manipulated her by appealing to her sense of wanting to help people. He played into her attraction/fetish for that. Did she love him or did she just love the idea of him? It was a mistake and she eventually realized that after his death. 

She was “searching”, I believe up until midway Season 4 and her physique and clothing changed to represent her newfound spirituality and I would say her acceptance on her sexuality as well. The philosophy Eli taught her. How much she listened to him. They had a strange relationship... I would actually say it was more of a “mentorship”, I didn’t see anything even remotely romantic there between them, although the heteronormatives probably would. 

It was a running joke between the cast and crew that everybody loves Gabrielle. But Gabrielle only loves Xena. Throughout the entire show to me she was “searching” but eventually fully realized, accepted and embraced her gayness with Xena. She thought she had to be with a man to be happy and so she wouldn’t wind up some “lonely pathetic woman” as she put it. She didn’t realize women were an option. Hell, does any of us that are brought up in heteronormativity realize this until we can get away from it? I certainly didn’t. 

Thoughts? Opinions?  Lets start a healthy debate going. Do you think Gabrielle is gay or bisexual? Explain why. Take into consideration the ENTIRETY of the show and not just Season 1 and 2.

[koganphrancis]

(I saw these cropped in a similar way on eliosberm’s Twitter and I liked it because it looks like Ian’s in jail-foreshadowing the not too distant future, perhaps)

Ugh, so do I have it in me to recap the Season H8 Premiere?  

It was so boring!  If they were trying to set up an exciting season, they failed miserably-which is no surprise, I know, but what did surprise me was how bland it all was.

First I want to address the time skip-from Monica’s pre-Christmas demise to...end of summer?  Maybe?  Liam’s in school, Debbie’s in school, but Carl’s not (yet), but I doubt it’s early summer/almost the end of school for L&D, so it’s probably late summer and at least 8 months since Monica’s funeral...but Fiona hasn’t met any of her tenants till last night?  Welcome to the usual Shameless Time Warp where no one is experiencing the same passage of time.  

Anyway-yeah, Fiona.  She’s off Tinder after an opening scene with a blue dick-at first I thought it was a dildo but I guess the guy was wearing a blue condom?  For whatever reason, she’s not into...something with the guy, and after about six close ups of her looking like she’s never seen a penis before, she throws her clothes on over her underwear (no FIona tits shot?  JW must’ve been so disappointed) and splits. The only other thing she does in the episode is go to her apartment building and meet the lesbian tenant that dozens of people in the Shameless tag hope she has a “gay” relationship with (whereas Fiona isn’t gay and would either be bi or pan if it were to happen)-but spoiler alert-Emmy did say Fiona’s strictly dickly (unlike Ian got to be), so I’m doubting the show goes there.  The new tenant has a girlfriend who, so far, is coming off as a bitch, so, you know, Shameless keeping up their streak of no such thing as a happy gay couple!  Anyway-aren’t you all excited for a TV show about a woman who runs a diner and manages an apartment building?  Yawn.

Lip is being a tool-mooning over Snore who has told him she wants nothing to do with him.  He’s not taking No for an answer for some reason, and he volunteers to babysit her kid, giving her a speech that had me gnashing my teeth and thinking it was all things Ian should’ve been saying to Svetlana two seasons ago about how he likes her son and misses seeing him.  Meanwhile, he also sneaks off and pays her overdue electric bill for her (and, in typical Shameless fashion-she’s on the phone begging the electric company to let her send in $50 towards her big overdue bill-while wearing at least $50 worth of make up.  And I don’t mean they caked it on her and made her look slutty-but she DID look like she had her face done at a spa and, come on?  I know they don’t want to be as gritty and realistic as they could be when it comes to the actors’ looks, but they could pull it into the realm of possible).  But wait!  He’s also acting like a total horndog for a chick at the motorcycle shop he’s working at with his sponsor.  So, which is it?  Is he lovesick over the one that got away and would give anything to be with her again, or is he still willing to bang any chick with a good body?  

Carl is living out Ian’s dream-sort of.  He’s observing all sorts of military rules, but he’s also moving everyone’s meth and he buys the hot tub for the back yard.  And there’s a scene with all the guys in it, but there’s no steam coming off the water, so I wonder if the poor bastards had to sit in water as tepid as the overall episode was cuz that’s what it looked like.  That hot tub didn’t seem hot.  

Debbie’s going to welding school (so, she’s gotta be 18 now-look up welding schools in Illinois, LOL) and also working in a parking garage where she stuffs her kid in a pet carrier during her shift.  I wish I was kidding.  She’s got the hots for her welding teacher and for a guy she meets at a bar after school when she’s out with them after class-sticking Neil with her kid for the night.  Debbie looking at these dudes with her lust eyes makes one think of what she did to poor Matty and even to her clueless baby daddy and it’s just icky.  

Liam has lines now-who cares?  That just means less for everyone else and his storyline so far is stupid-the school that he’s going to for free keeps pulling him out of class for free “advertising” when prospective parents come for a visit.  And?  If the Gallaghers get wind of it and don’t like it, they can put him into public school.  That’ll show that evil snooty private school!  There’s a scene where Fiona is driving Liam to school and asks him how school is-so, again, first time she’s ever taken an interest?  He was going there last year too...

Frank is doing his usual schtick-it hasn’t won them an Emmy so far, but hey, why change shit up now?  He was all wasted and burned out, lost a tooth because of his insane meth usage, and now is going to try to make amends to everyone he can remember that he wronged.  Boring.  

There was stuff with Kev that would be good if I hadn’t heard the story isn’t going to be serious and now I’m just bracing myself for them to play it up for laughs.  And there was awful stuff with Vee being a real bitch to Svetlana about the bar.  Svetlana says she’s willing to take Kev and Vee back-they’ll all work at the bar, raise the kids, be the thrupple (which I was never a fan of, but they all seemed into it, so what the hell)-but she’ll still own the bar and Vee is screaming no fucking way and I think even if Svetlana said they’d split ownership of the bar Vee would still say no.  Svetlana says how they hadn’t paid taxes for two years and would’ve lost the bar anyway and it was Svetlana staying up all night doing the books that saved the place. Vee doesn’t give a shit and throws a punch and they fight and all the bar patrons look on and Kermit asks Tommy if they should stop it, but Wells is getting his boner over the girl on girl action and he says no.  Later, Vee calls ICE on Svetlana and that was a total bitch move.  Svetlana is completely in the right about the bar and it’s weird that the show is making her out as the evil Putin-loving Ruskie and expecting us to side with Vee.  

Finally, Ian.  He’s acting just like Lip-mooning over Terror and acting like a real loser about trying to get him back.  WHY?  What’s the attraction?  I get it, corporate headquarters says there has to be a trans character-but why does Ian have to be involved with him?  And why are they having him act like such a stalker?  In the first scene together he asks Trash to go out for a drink-T can’t because he has a date.  Ian says bring him.  Tragedy says he can’t-it’s a drinks and movie thing.  Ian looks gutted, says, “What movie?”  Really, Ian?  You gonna follow him to the movie theater and sit in the row behind them and jerk off?  WTF?  Why are they making it seem like Ian can’t find somebody new?  The ambulance gets a call and Ian and Sue have to leave.  After Ian leaves, one of the LGBTQ+ center’s youths (who looks a lot like Terror just without the chin hair and with a richer skin tone) gives Trumpet a hard time.  “You used to hit that?” and maybe something like “why aren’t you still” and Teabag says, “It’s complicated,” and the junior Trev says, “Why?  Because he fucked an old boyfriend?”  Yeah, that’s all Mickey was-an old boyfriend.  Not the love of Ian’s life, not the man who saved his life time and time again, just some guy Ian used to date in high school-like Ned or Kash.  Grrrrrrrr.  Anyway, I can’t even remember if there’s another scene with Trailmix, but the end Ian/Trial scene is Ian waiting outside the center like a total stalker, talking to the Jamie kid till Terror comes out and they”flirt” and it was soooooo awful.  Ian says something about being irresistible, Terror says, “No,” Ian, all flirty says, “I’m not irresistible?” and leans closer.  Terror says, “No to whatever you’re going to ask me this time.”  Ian tries to ask him out for drinks again, Terror says “no” again-what is it with the show and not knowing No means no?-Terror for some reason says if Ian’s doing okay and when Ian tries to say he’s all right Terror brings up Ian’s mom-so, again-whether it’s been five months or eight-this is the first time he’s asking?  Ian gets all sad, says something that again, he should be saying about Mickey and the way he ignored him while he was rotting away in jail :(  “I miss her.  It’s weird huh?  Never around when she was alive and I never thought about her, now she’s gone and I think about her all the time.”  And Cameron delivered those lines well, and made you believe them, but then in the quickest turn around since Jerome Valeska went from crying to Jim Gordon about his mom to laughing about killing her, Ian slides right back into flirt mode and says, “Come on, one drink!”  It was creepy and crappy and if the show was actually handling/showing him dealing with bipolar disorder, you’d think they were setting the table for him to be on the edge of trouble with his meds again.  But of course, that’s zzzzzz and he’s just a red blooded male, wanting to get back with his now-main-squeeze Treacle.  Tupperware says no to the millionth drink invite and says he’s gotta go or whatever, and Ian says, “I’ll be back tomorrow.”  It’s SO FUCKING CREEPY AND PATHETIC AND WEIRD.  Oh, and I forgot-but in the middle of the flirting and Ian saying Jamie said to buy Terror a car (cuz, yeah, that’s true love, when you have to buy someone’s affection), Ian gives Terror another “I’m sorry” and this time it really is clearly about running off with Mickey (not the retconned scene from the “previously on Shameless” where they edited Ian saying he was sorry that he didn’t answer T’s texts to make it look like he was saying he was sorry for taking off with Mickey).  THAT’S the conversation they need to have-instead of Ian merely saying he’s sorry, Terror needs to make him say what he’s sorry FOR.  Terror needs to ask, “All things being equal-if there was some miracle and Mickey was set free and could move back here-would you pick me?”  Why the fuck should Terror take Ian back, knowing he’ll never be what Ian really wants?  Why does the show think we want to see them dance around that issue?  Tragic never even says WHY he keeps turning Ian down-and of course, by the end of the episode you can see he’s thawing and it’s going to be so fucking unrealistic if they do get back together and act like a happy couple.  Ian’s a bolter!  We all know he’ll run again-hell, we all know Terror would run if he had to put up with any of Ian’s bipolar manifestations.  

The ONLY good thing the episode had to offer was when Ian was in the hot tub and it made his curls come to life.  I’m all for that-but I figure we’ll only see him in there up till the episode where he gets his tattoo and then it’ll be too much bother to let him be shirtless/wet.  Which, if that applies to being with Terror, I guess I’ll be okay with sacrificing shirtless times when he’s not with that little whiner.  

[nanigma]

Ive been meaning to apologize to you properly i really did not wanted to get under your skin but i have just word things real poorly which makes me sound real arrogant. Hope you can forgive me and if not i'll just get out of your way and wish you the best

First of all, “Gays are disgusting and should not exist” was NOT the intention. But using the word “insult” though true for some, was an insult in itself. For that I must apologise. Initially the ask was more than 5 times longer, but character limitations meant many cuts, changes and it got more blunt in order to fit. Then I got tired and sent it as is, I’m sorry for that too. So I have done what I should have in the last ask; split it (whether you intend to carry on reading or not). This is 1/6

2/6. Wouldn’t IS give the option for characters to choose from either gender if that were the case? They could exchange half the S-supports with ones of the same gender and keep the overall amount for constraint concerns, or laziness. The fact that it is made in Japan who still withholds traditionalism and by mostly older men who grew up in that environment supports this theory.     

3/6. Even for fictional characters fans like to delve into every aspect of characters as if they were real. It helps to know all about them to write about them. So I assumed your thoughts on Leo were concrete; doesn’t help that your analysis of characters are logical and that others say similar too, so it feels like heterosexuals are looked down on or overshadowed by LGBT that has taken the media by storm. This is where my questions arose from. I guess this is what LGBT community have felt.             

4/6. I don’t recall many LGBT events in the medieval era, but in the ancient times of Romans and Celts they existed as the norm. Since the subject was mostly about Leo I was asking in terms of royalty as well, for their line that must carry on it seems to make more sense for heterosexual relationships to be the norm - anything outside of that can go on whichever path they like because they aren’t restrained by royal duties or for some social barriers.

5/6. If I could change Camilla’s armour I would, along with Charlotte’s, Nyx, Kagero, Ophelia, the berserker and Oni classes and do something with Orochi’s top. I would also give F!Corrin leggings like her male counterpart, and make them better in the story that matches with their support conversations so people would stop bullying them. I blame the developers for that. But even if I could change it the damage is done, and people will continue to hate.

6/6. (It seems that you can only ask 5 times before waiting around an hour) And I guess I do have a case of homophobia, its something that I’m still trying to understand and get used to. Though not outright crushing, I do appreciate some of the same gender. Is this what you mean by “…fall in some place in-between.”? Then yes, this would relate to everyone. 

(Very long answer below the cut)

Like I said yesterday, I really appreciated this ask (series) and know how much courage it must have taken you to do so (yes, even on anon). I do admit, that some of the things you said really got under my skin, but that was mostly because it’s a very sensitive topic for me, not because your ask was particularly hostile. It was worded very.. unfortunately, true, but I could tell you weren’t outright malicious. You also caught me at a bad time I guess.

1) I didn’t actually think you were trying to say that, but I feel it’s the feeling behind the word “insult”. Of course, you didn’t intend that word either, butI didn’t back then. I just feel that being “offended” (only word I can find right now) by someone elses private headcanon (of a character being bi in this case), is, well, that person’s own problem.. As long they aren’t trying to force their headcanon on others, people are entitled to believe whatever they want about a character. If you really cannot deal with seeing someone elses’ headcanon, unfollow that person or ask them to tag the posts that talk about it. Ultimately, people should be able to talk about their interpretations on their private blogs, and it’s on you to avoid whatever you cannot deal with.

2) Again, whatever Intsys thinks or intended about the characters doesn’t affect my headcanons.. that’s literally the definition of it. Something that is canon to me, and not canon canon. I am sure they didn’t intend for Leon to be viewed as LGBT, but they know that catering to fangirls is a straight way to $$$, so they probably think of adding bi options in the first place as fanservice or something. I am definitely calling Death of the Author on this one. Their intentions matter zilch to me when I analyze the game. It’s only fair, since my opinion, on it’s own, matters zilch to them either, and I doubt I am going to convince them of making Leo bi in canon. My only way to respond is sharing headcanons which I feel make sense with the established facts… not rewriting the script. I don’t see how I am not allowed to do that because it’s not official canon. Most of fandom is build on headcanons, and I am sure you have your own ideas about a story that the author either didn’t specify or clearly didn’t intend. We are’t just mindlessly consuming media like gospel. Each and every one of us walks away with a different interpretation of it. And I think that can be very beautiful and sometimes even better than what happened in canon.

3) My thoughts on Leon, are that his relationships with men are very close in a way that’s more relaxed and feels more intimate to me than with many of his S-ranks. Part of that has to do with not being reminded of Camilla, but I also feel like there is something he shares with Takumi in particular that he doesn’t with anyone else. If you interpret it as friendship, that’s fine by me. I just think there’s something else to it, and I love being able to explore it in fandom. There are certainly people in the fandom that bash hetero couples, but I find a lot of the time those people are straight themselves and often in it to fetishize gay people/relationships anyway. But for those who don’t do this… you have to understand fandom is a tiny bubble compared to the mainstream audiences. It’s a safe haven for many, who can get pretty aggressive in defending what they believe is “their turf”. Because outside of it.. if you say a certain character is gay/bi/other you’ll get disbelief at best and outright hostility at worst. LGBT are alienated from many places, so they tend to be very concentrated wherever they aren’t. Doesn’t mean it’s a good thing to try and drive out others of course. I do have “straight” ships myself, and I am always annoyed when people try to prevent me from shipping them. (As you can tell, I am very adamant on being allowed to “do my own thing” no matter which side).

4) There were multiple non-straight monarchs in medieval times (though opinions vary of course and records are fragmented from those times). Like William II (either gay or ace) or Edward II (probably bi or gay) to name only English examples. Of course, producing an heir is always an issue for royalty, (or aristocrats in general) and it’s certainly interesting to think of Leon being faced with it, which more than one fic has explored in the past. He may deal with it like Philippe, Duke of Orléans did: Fathering kids in an arranged marriage while having male lovers. Or relying on Xander and his sisters (whose offspring are still considered royalty) to keep the line going. Birthright is the only scenario where he is outright forced to have an heir himself, and again, that doesn’t exclude potential lovers, though I admit I don’t imagine him taking one in that route.

5) So you agree the developer’s can be very frustrating sometimes haha;; Anyway, I mainly just pulled out Camilla as an example for unrealistic armour, because I am so used to people who pull the medieval argument being very selective when it comes to the stuff (such as certain GOT fans ardently defending the sexism as historical, but not batting an eye at shaved armpits and anachronistic dresses). My point was that Fates is in a fantasy world and does not adhere to medieval standards in multiple ways, nor does it have to since it’s explicitly not a historical documentary (though I do wish they’d tone down the fanservice too). It just can’t be judged by them, since it’s a product of the 21st century.

6) Being able to admit that is already a good sign, since it involves a lot of self-reflection. I am sure it’s hard to overcome one’s ingrained beliefs, and it takes a lot of time, but I think you are on the right track. So long as you try to keep an open mind about things and educate yourself I am sure you’ll continue to make progress. And yes, I think that most people experience some form of “attraction” (sexual or romantic) for either gender, just to varying degrees. I am glad I could explain this to you, and thank you for taking the time to consider it. 

[andystanberg]

~ still not gay ~

Word Count: 2 800

Genre: chat fic, coming out, coming to terms with sexuality, humour

Pairing(s): phan, tiny mention of kickthestickz

Warnings: swearing, so many spelling/grammar mistakes (all on purpose as it’s a chat fic), mentioned homophobia, sexual humour (not a lot)

Summary:

crabstickzzz has added PJ to the chat. PJ: what? dannyboy: chris and co. think im gay

A/N Shout out to the (formerly) ~ still not gay ~ chat, thanks for not believing I was straight. (Loosely based off my own unconventional coming out.)

AUGUST 12TH

dan is gay

crabstickzzz has added PJ to the chat.

PJ: what?

dannyboy: chris and co. think im gay

PJ: you are.

crabstickzzz: SUCK IT HOWELL

LouiseP: Chris, Dan clearly isn’t ready for blowjobs yet.

dannyboy: IM NOT GAY

PJ: sure.

crabstickzzz: wat about ur crush on phil

AmazingPhil: His what now

dannyboy: i dont have a crush on phil

PJ: sure.

dannyboy: im straight guys cmon

PJ has changed the chat name to dan is in denial and gay.

dannyboy: oh for fucks sake

dannyboy: seriously guys im 100% sure im straight

PJ: sure.

-

AUGUST 15TH

dan is in denial and gay

AmazingPhil: Why is the name always about Dan

LouiseP: This group chat is dedicated to whether or not Dan is gay. And memes.

crabstickzzz: thats all we talk about so theres no point in creating another

PJ: i’ve been in this group chat for two days and it’s true.

dannyboy: why does it matter what i am

crabstickzzz: bc u wont admit ur gay! we r teaching u to love and accept urself 4 who u r!!!

dannyboy: bullshit

AmazingPhil: Maybe we should lay off Dan a bit

dannyboy: thank you filip

AmazingPhil: Never mind please continue

dannyboy changed the chat name to i hate you all

-

Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil.

AmazingPhil: You’re not mad, are you?

dannyboy: no

AmazingPhil: Sure?

dannyboy: its fine. theyre joking and having fun. i just dont get why they care so much about my sexuality though

AmazingPhil: Maybe Crabstickzzz and PJ have a crush on you and Louise is trying to wingman both???

dannyboy: yeah right. can you imagine?

AmazingPhil: You never know

dannyboy: for starters, nobody has, or ever had, or ever will have a crush on me, and secondly, crabstickzzz and pj are dating

AmazingPhil: WHAT? WHEN? HOW?

dannyboy: well i dont know for sure but cmon

AmazingPhil: Oh good. I thought I had missed their big reveal

AmazingPhil: Also don’t be so sure about the crush thing

dannyboy: what? who has a crush on me?!

dannyboy: PHIL LESTER ANSWER ME

-

NOVEMBER 20TH

i hate you all

dannyboy: GUYS OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THE PIC ZAC EFRON JUST POSTED

LouiseP: Who’s Zack?

PJ: oh boy.

dannyboy: HOW DARE YOU! ZAC**** IS THE ACTOR OF TROY BOLTON AKA MY SPIRIT ANIMAL

AmazingPhil: I JUST SAW IT TOO HE LOOKS SO GOOD

dannyboy: I KNOW RIGHT?????

LouiseP: daNIEL

PJ: HAH KNEW IT.

dannyboy: what

crabstickzzz: ur not good at being straight, my friend

dannyboy: oh come on! i may be straight but im not BLIND!

PJ: sure.

dannyboy: phil back me up!

AmazingPhil: Dan has a point.

crabstickzzz: spoil sport

crabstickzzz has kicked AmazingPhil from the chat.

dannyboy: OI

LouiseP: Chris, add him back in.

crabstickzzz: fineeee only cause ur scary

crabstickzzz has added AmazingPhil to the chat.

dannyboy has changed the chat name to welcome back fil.

AmazingPhil has changed the chat name to chris sucks.

dannyboy: i second that

crabstickzzz: wat did i do???

PJ: you’re really asking yourself that?

-

NOVEMBER 25TH

chris sucks

LouiseP: It’s been five days are you all dea?

crabstickzzz: yep im so dea

LouiseP: Oh shut up, like you can talk.

PJ: he never stops talking. don’t encourage him, for my sake.

crabstickzzz: do not

AmazingPhil: Do too

PJ: do too.

dannyboy: do too

crabstickzzz: alright i get it

LouiseP: Do too.

LouiseP: Whoops.

crabstickzzz: watevr

crabstickzzz: so dan have u figured out that ur gay yet

dannyboy: for the last time, im like 99% sure im straight

PJ: that’s 1% less than last time.

crabstickzzz: progress!!!

dannyboy: no its just that if evan peters wanted to fuck me, i wouldnt say no

LouiseP: Hardly anyone would.

dannyboy: see? it doesnt prove anything

AmazingPhil: well…

dannyboy: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE

PJ: welcome to the dark side.

AmazingPhil: I just go for whatever side is winning! Can’t blame a man for surviving

dannyboy: thats not the saying

AmazingPhil: It is now!

dannyboy: weve been over this! you cant steal sayings and try to change them

AmazingPhil: I just did

dannyboy: why am i friends with you

crabstickzzz: bc u like him

dannyboy changed the chat name to ~ still not gay ~.

PJ: sure.

LouiseP: You say that a lot.

PJ: it’s because it’s needed. if dan didn’t deny the blatantly obvious, i wouldn’t have to be sarcastic all the time.

crabstickzzz: dont lie to urself

-

NOVEMBER 27TH

~ still not gay~

dannyboy: oh my god oh m y god

AmazingPhil: What?!

dannyboy: fcukin evan peters in ahs

AmazingPhil: ARE YOU WATCHING WITHOUT ME

dannyboy: maybe…

AmazingPhil: BETRAYAL

crabstickzzz: gayyyyyy

dannyboy: fuck off let me have this chris

PJ: yeah chris, fuck off.

dannyboy: thanks pj

PJ: it’s okay. also...

dannyboy: what

PJ: gayyyyy.

AmazingPhil: Okay but Dan has a point

LouiseP: True!

dannyboy: phil and louise are my only friends

crabstickzzz: danyul they both like guys doesnt that say something

dannyboy: psh whatever

-

DECEMBER 25TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: ugh im stuck with sucky wifi away from home :(

AmazingPhil: Aw! Does that mean no skype tonight?

dannyboy: im using my data rn and its so slow, skype would be a nightmare. sorry phil

AmazingPhil: I’ll see you when you get back, then.

dannyboy: yeah :)

crabstickzzz: ugh stop flirting

PJ: yeah, get your own chat.

LouiseP: I think it’s cute.

dannyboy: yeah okay im leaving

PJ: he didn’t deny the flirting part though.

-

JANUARY 1ST

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: new years and no one to kiss wow what a surprise

AmazingPhil: My offer still stands ;)

LouiseP: WAIT, WHAT OFFER?!

crabstickzzz: yeah wat offer

PJ: is no one gonna..?

PJ: okay fine I guess I’ll have to do it.

PJ: gayyyyyyy

AmazingPhil: I wish

dannyboy: keep dreaming philly ;)

LouiseP: I ship it.

PJ: join the club.

dannyboy: can anybody read what the title of this chat is

crabstickzzz: we can we just dont care

PJ: the only reason no one has changed it is because of its irony.

-

JANUARY 12TH

Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil

dannyboy: ahH EVAN PETERS

AmazingPhil: Dan are you sure you’re not gay

dannyboy: well i mean i have liked girls before so even if i did like guys i wouldnt be gay

AmazingPhil: Bi?

dannyboy: maybe idk

dannyboy: but anyway EVAN PETERS

-

JANUARY 16TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: this chat is so quiet

AmazingPhil: For the first time in forever

dannyboy: did you literally just reference Frozen

LouiseP: What’s wrong with Frozen?!

AmazingPhil: Yeah Dan what’s wrong with Frozen

PJ: he probably thinks its gay lmao.

crabstickzzz: dans literally the epitome of no homo

dannyboy: wow what a big word you used there chris

dannyboy: do you even know what it means

dannyboy: also i’ll have you know i have proudly never said no homo

AmazingPhil: I’ve tested that ;)

PJ: WOAH WHAT DID PHIL JUST MAKE A DIRTY JOKE?

LouiseP: PHIL, I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU TO BE A GOOD CHILD.

crabstickzzz: DAN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM

dannyboy: wouldnt you like to know

crabstickzzz: wht te h fcuk

PJ: … GAYYYYYYY.

LouiseP: I second that.

AmazingPhil: I hope that

dannyboy: that doesnt make sense

PJ: okay, straight boy, he meant ‘fil hopes you’re gay, as in attracted to boys, no “no homo”’.

dannyboy: im not an idiot

crabstickzzz: debateble

dannyboy: debatable* dumbass

-

JANUARY 30TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHIL MY BEST FRIEND

LouiseP: Happy birthday! Wow, January went by quickly.

dannyboy: yeah can you believe that Phil Lester created January and the world was so hyped for his birthday it sped up time

PJ: oh my god, guys, holy shit.

crabstickzzz: what

PJ: DAN DIDN’T TALK ABOUT HOW BIRTHDAYS ARE A STEP CLOSER TO DEATH. AM I ALIVE?

crabstickzzz: hoLY FUCK UR RIGHT

LouiseP: Dan, you feeling okay?

dannyboy: jeez sorry for wishing my friend a happy birthday

AmazingPhil: I thought it was sweet

crabstickzzz: yeah we get it u love each other

PJ: they’re so cute but so gross.

dannyboy: i dont like phil cmon guys

AmazingPhil: I thought we had something :( you even forgot to talk about the inevitability of death for me :((((

PJ: hey, at least he didn’t say he doesn’t like guys or reference the chat name.

-

FEBRUARY 3RD

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: ugh people suck

AmazingPhil: What happened?

dannyboy: nothing

PJ: sure.

LouiseP: You can tell us, Dan.

crabstickzzz: as long as its not blackmail worthy bc in that case dont be so sure

LouiseP: Chris.

crabstickzzz: i was joking, ofc he can tell us

dannyboy: nvm, i said it was nothing

-

Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil

AmazingPhil: Seriously what happened

dannyboy: one of my old friends from uni keeps asking me when im getting a girlfriend or making jokes about my lack of love life every time he sees me and im sick of it

AmazingPhil: You’ve complained about him before and it you never seemed too bothered

dannyboy: yeah well…

AmazingPhil: ?

dannyboy: i know it shouldnt bother me but this time when i tried to ignore all of his questions about getting a girlfriend or whatever he said “you’re gonna turn gay and be alone”

dannyboy: like i know gay isnt an insult but at the same time it bugs me? is that wrong?

AmazingPhil: I don’t think so. Maybe it was just that he said something like that in the first place

dannyboy: maybe… or like some internalised homophobia idk i feel shitty

dannyboy: im just so tired of everyone asking me when im gonna get a relationship

dannyboy: my mum has been making hints at it lately

AmazingPhil: I love your mum but everyone should back off

dannyboy: this is cheesy but you’re the best

AmazingPhil: No problem <3

dannyboy: <3

-

FEBRUARY 4TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: youll all be happy to know that i almost accidentally kissed a guy today

crabstickzzz: o H YM GOD DANYUL WELCOME TO THE GAY SIDE

dannyboy: a l m o s t + a c c i d e n t a l l y

PJ: sure.

dannyboy: i thought you had stopped with the sarcastic sures

PJ: keep dreaming, howell.

crabstickzzz: shut up time for the important qs

crabstickzzz: was it fil

LouiseP: Please for the love of god let it be Phil.

AmazingPhil: Let what be me

dannyboy: they’re freaking out over the almost kiss

AmazingPhil: Oh! Sorry guys, it wasn’t me

crabstickzzz: NOOOOOOOOO

PJ: sure.

LouiseP: Liesssssssssssssss.

dannyboy: it was this cute guy who ive been friends with for a while and we were messing around and whispering in each others ears to waste time during some meeting that was probably important and i turned just as he was whispering something and our lips almost touched

dannyboy: we jumped back just in time

PJ: there was so much gay in that that I can’t even form a coherent reason as to why it was gay.

AmazingPhil: Can you believe that Dan cheated on me :(((((()(09()

crabstickzzz: CUTE GUY? WHISPERING IN EARS? HOWL U R GAY OK

PJ: good news, chris just said my reasons for me.

LouiseP: Who’s the lucky guy?

dannyboy: first of all, weve been over this. i know when someone is cute, guy or girl. second of all, we were whispering creepy stuff like “mayonnaise” to try and freak each other out and third of all, not telling because id know you guys would stalk him

AmazingPhil: I know who it is ;)

PJ: i bet it’s phil.

dannyboy: nope. i said CUTE guy

AmazingPhil: HEY!

dannyboy: kidding. but no, it wasnt phil

-

FEBRUARY 8TH

~ still not gay ~

LouiseP: Alright, for today we put a halt on the usual Dan is gay discourse.

dannyboy: thank you friend

PJ: why? did someone die?

crabstickzzz: BREAKING TRADITION IS NOT ALLWD!!!

LouiseP: Shush, let me talk about a cute guy I saw today.

LouiseP: Anyway how do I ask him out?

AmazingPhil: Wait until Valentines and anonymously get him a rose.

dannyboy: ask him out or let your feelings pile up and watch him inevitably move on because you’re too scared to make a move

PJ: talk to him on the internet until you become best friends and be gay oops i meant straight for each other.

crabstickzzz: love poems via mysterious skype calls no one gets to know the contents of

LouiseP: The last two are unrealistic. Who talks to a stranger on the internet??? Stanger danger!1!!1!

dannyboy: fil i think theyre picking on us

AmazingPhil: Fair enough

dannyboy: YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE

-

FEBRUARY 11TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy: i cant wait to get nothing on valentines

LouiseP: Same.

AmazingPhil: Same

PJ: same.

crabstickzzz: sam

crabstickzzz: samr*

crabstickzzz: SAME****

dannyboy: this chat is so depressing

dannyboy: also learn how to spell

crabstickzzz: np

crabstickzzz: no*

-

FEBRUARY 13TH

~ still not gay ~

dannyboy changed the chat name to ~ not gay, but bi ~

crabstickzzz: I KNEW IR

dannyboy: shush

crabstickzzz: I FCUKIGN KNEWS IT

dannyboy: you saw nothing

crabstickzzz: YOURE BI

dannyboy: i was right about not being gay though

crabstickzzz: BUT I KNEW YOU WERENT STRAIGHT

PJ: WOAH WOAH WAIT WHAT’S HAPPENIGN OH MT FGDPL.

LouiseP: PJ ISN’T USING FULL STOPS!!! HE’S BROKEN!

LouiseP: DAN, YOU’VE BROKEN ALL OF US!!!

dannyboy: I SAID I WAS 99% SURE I WAS STRAIGHT

crabstickzzz: I WAS RIGHT AND YOU WERE WRONG

dannyboy: NO YOU THOUGHT I WAS GAY

dannyboy: WE WERE ALL WRONG

PJ: S T I L L.

AmazingPhil: This is so amusing

LouiseP: WHY ISN’T PHIL JOINING OUR FREAKING OUT?!

dannyboy: … might have came out already yesterday maybe haha dont kill me

PJ: WHAT?

crabstickzzz: FUK U FIL AND DANYUL

LouiseP: AND YOU’RE ONLY TELLING US NOW??????

dannyboy: yeah well coming out to phil was the first time ive ever done it so it was a little emotionally exhausted and i shook so much that i needed to recharge

AmazingPhil: He was so nervous but I’m proud of him

PJ: yeah, same.

LouiseP: I second that!

crabstickzzz: I FUCKING NKEW TOU WERE GAY

AmazingPhil: I thought we had gotten past this bit

dannyboy: chris, read the new name. im still not gay, just extremely bi

crabstickzzz: sry but i cant believe ur finally coming out

LouiseP: If you don’t mind me asking, what made you realise you were bi?

dannyboy: it all started with this one guy in high school who was so fucking hot and i had like a teensy bit of a crush on him and omg he was so pretty and one time i saw him literally leaning against a wall with his hair messed up and i died

dannyboy: i thought it was a one-time thing and i wasnt really sure if it counted considering ive only ever been attracted to girls before that, but recently ive just come to terms with that and the other thing

crabstickzzz: WHICH IS

dannyboy: nnnnnnnothing

PJ: sure.

AmazingPhil: Ha you guys aren’t on best friend level, so of course you don’t know

crabstickzzz: r00d

dannyboy: dont worry he doesnt know either, hes just being a little shit

AmazingPhil: Love you too

LouiseP: Can you imagine how much we would’ve freaked out over Phil’s message in August?

PJ: seasons change and people do too, apparently.

-

FEBRUARY 14TH

~ not gay, but bi ~

dannyboy: [image attached] someone sent me this chocolate rose with a note saying “- Voldemort” i wonder who that could be??!?!?

PJ: yeah, can anyone think of a super pale nerd who likes Harry Potter almost as much as Dan does and knows where he lives??? I’m coming up blank!!!1!!

LouiseP: Awwww, that’s so sweet!

crabstickzzz: barf

AmazingPhil: Thanks Louise I spent 2 whole pounds on it

dannyboy: spending so much for his boyfriend ew sap stop wasting money

PJ: bOYFRIEND?

crabstickzzz: WAIT I THOUGHT U 2 WERE JUST BEING WEIRD AND PLATONIC COUPLEY LIKE U ALWAYS R AND UR TELLING ME UR DATING

AmazingPhil: It turns out that the “other thing” Dan mentioned was him liking me

dannyboy: and also staring at his lips whenever he talks to me and thinkingaboutkissingthemmaybehah

LouiseP: CONGRATS, GUYS!

PJ: this is like my OTP.

crabstickzzz: *teenage girl voice* OH MY GOD MY OTP

dannyboy: lets leave before they start being weird

AmazingPhil: They’re our friends, don’t worry so much

crabstickzzz: so like did your first kiss involve tongue or

AmazingPhil: Yeah, bye.

crabstickzzz: he didnt say no

LouiseP: cHRIS.

dannyboy: if you must know, it involved NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

dannyboy has left the chat.

AmazingPhil has left the chat.

PJ: …there was definitely tongue.

LouiseP: Agreed.

[entergamingxp]

Pride Week: Final Fantasy 7

Hello! All this week we’ll be celebrating Pride and the power of positive representations in games. Every day we’ll be bringing you stories and insights from different parts of the LGBT+ community. You can also help support Pride with Eurogamer’s newly redesigned t-shirt – all profits from which will be going to charity.

In the midst of a recent replay of the original Final Fantasy 7, I found myself welling up. Not because I’d reached that bit – the mandatory, number-one entry in every ‘gaming’s top ten saddest moments’ list from now till the Lifestream runs dry. No. The tears were rising much earlier in my playthrough than that. And those tears were accompanied by a big goofy grin. What in this gloriously janky PS1 classic that I hadn’t picked up in almost fifteen years could have had such an effect on me?

I was in Wall Market – Midgar’s gleefully ungentrified equivalent of San Francisco’s Tenderloin, or London’s Soho, a century ago – and the game’s taciturn, hyper-masculine, ex-mercenary protagonist, Cloud, had just donned an extremely pretty silk dress. Not only that, but he’d put on a blonde wig he’d won from a body-builder at a local gym, splashed on some sexy cologne, and had just had his make-up done by a burlesque dancer. And, to top it all, upon emerging from the dressing-room to reveal his transformation, he had been greeted with utter delight by the friend, ally, and (though it pains the Clifa stan in me to say it) love interest who had accompanied him there.

The reason I was crying was because, here, in chunky polygonal miniature, was my entire experience of coming out as a non-binary trans person.

No, you’re crying!

Okay, maybe not my entire experience. I didn’t start wearing make-up and femme clothing as part of an elaborate plan to rescue my childhood sweet-heart from the clutches of a local sex criminal, and Cloud’s family weren’t around to worry about what the neighbours might think. But, the key components were all there: the thrill of a new wardrobe; the unforeseen generosity of strangers; the relief that comes from the support and acceptance of friends and loved-ones; and, above all, the quiet euphoria of suddenly looking the way you’d never even realised you wanted (or needed) to look before. Heck, even the frantic squat-driven glow-up at the local gym was present and correct.

Don Corneo (trans. ‘Lord Horny’), slum-lord sex pest, in action.

I concede, I may have been projecting just a little. But, if there is one thing that queer culture and, indeed, gaming culture, have taught me, it’s that queer people find representation wherever they can, and that, often, those discoveries occur in the most unexpected of places. And here was an echo of the moment at which my gender identity suddenly ‘clicked’ for me, captured in a game I had played and replayed as a kid. It was uncanny.

Admittedly, the fact that I had the uncanny feeling of suddenly finding my queerness so clearly reflected in a game I had loved as a child while playing Final Fantasy 7 should, perhaps, have come as no surprise. To paraphrase Paris is Burning: it is a known fact that Final Fantasy 7 do be as camp as a row of tents and as queer as a ten-bob note.

A reminder: We played this. As children.

Rightly described by Eurogamer’s Aoife Wilson as a ‘bi thirst-trap‘, Final Fantasy 7 buzzes with enough queer energy to power a thousand Sister Rays. Whether it be Cloud’s journey of self-denial and self-discovery (coming-out story much?), Tifa’s status as the living embodiment of soft-butch energy, Reno’s status as a chaotic bisexual pinball (you just know he and Rude met on Grindr), Jessie’s omnidirectional flirtation, the way everyone talks about Cloud’s eyes, the fact that everyone is wearing a harness, or Sephiroth’s, like, entire deal (if you ever thought a twink couldn’t also be a leather daddy, he’s here to prove you wrong), the game is, if you’ll pardon the expression, queer af.

Everyone’s favourite chaotic bisexual makes a graceful exit…

But, aside from being almost impossibly horny with virtually no concern for the gender of the parties involved – a feature the recent Remake has turned up to 11 – the game is also queer in deeper, more meaningful ways; ways that resonates strongly with the origins of Pride month, and its roots in a tradition of anti-assimilationist political protest.

A key figure in this regard is Barret (or, as he may be known to some of you, ‘Gunny’). In terms of representation, the game’s off-beat tone and broad-brush-strokes story-telling sometimes leave it seeming… unnuanced. At its worst, Barrett’s characterization in the original game comes off feeling like the production team watched a couple of re-runs of The A-Team and that music video where B.A. Baracus told us all to be nice to our mums and decided that they had learned all they needed to know about Black people (a serious problem in an industry as White-washed as gaming). But, without wishing to downplay these problematic elements, it is worth taking stock of who we ultimately discover Barret to be across the course of the game: a Black, physically-impaired adoptive father and climate activist, whose lost hand forms the basis for a narrative not of disability, but of empowerment, as he engages in a liberationary struggle to protect his local community and the planet at large from the toxic influence of a militarised form of corporate capitalism.

Barrett Wallace: Queer Big-Shot.

Like so many queer people who find themselves at the intersection of multiple forms of violence and oppression, Barret surrounds himself with a diverse team of like-minded individuals, united not by externally imposed categories of identity, but by a shared set of values and a desire to change the world for the better. This chosen family – for, what is the ‘party’ in an RPG if not a version of the ‘chosen family‘ of friends, partners, and allies upon which so many queer people rely? – comes to include not just a former member of SOLDIER like Cloud, who turns his skills and training against the oppressive forces he once served, but a figure like Nananki / Red XIII, a character whose story parallels those of many Indigenous and First Nations people whose lives, land, and heritage have been devastated by corporate imperialism. Like the Stonewall rioters, the Gay Liberation Front, Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries, Lesbians and Gays support the Miners, the AIDS Coalition to Unlock Power, or the queer activists currently taking to the streets to support Black Lives Matter, AVALANCHE – the revolutionary band of eco-warriors Barret founds and leads – take a stand against a society, culture, and political system that seek to oppress them and exploit the planet they inhabit.

Barrett tells it like it is.

This is not to claim that everyone in AVALANCHE or Final Fantasy 7 at large is ‘queer’ in the same-sex attraction / gender non-conformity sense of the word (though, again, does anyone really believe that the Turks aren’t living together in a gloriously messy, pansexual polycule?) But, if, as one influential theorist has it, ‘queer’ refers to ‘whatever is at odds with the normal, the legitimate, the dominant’, then Barret and AVALANCHE are about as queer as they come.

It is for that reason that, with Covid-19 necessitating the cancellation of in-person gatherings across the globe, I recommend Final Fantasy 7 to you as the perfect way to bring the spirit of Pride month to life in your living room. Whether you think Pride should be a protest or a party (hint: it should be the former), Final Fantasy 7 is both, and, in its depiction of a radically inclusive chosen family squaring off against a militarised, corporate police state to protect marginalised communities and the environment, it has never been more timely.

So, do yourself a favour, unfurl your rainbow flag, boot up the game, and try to decide which character you fancy the most. In the meantime, if you’ll excuse me, I have to see a body-builder about a wig…

For a fun and accessible introduction to queer theory and queer history, check out Meg-John Barker and Jules Scheele’s gorgeously illustrated Queer: A Graphic History (2016). If you are interested in thinking about gaming from a queer perspective, Adrienne Shaw’s Gaming at the Edge: Sexuality and Gender at the Margins of Gamer Culture (2014) and Queer Games Studies (2017), edited Bonnie Ruberg and Adrienne Shaw, are a great place to start. To learn more about the history of Pride and the queer liberation struggle more generally, you may wish to explore some of the books listed here. For some beautifully written reflections on the intersections of race, sexuality, gender, and disability, take a look at the work of Audre Lorde, particularly her essay collection Sister Outsider (1984). Two books I have found particularly resonant in my own gender journey have been C.N. Lester’s Trans Like Me (2017) and Nonbinary: Memoirs of Gender and Identity (2019), edited by Micah Rajunov and Scott Duane. To support QITPOC (Queer, Trans, Intersex, People of Colour) charities and organisations in your area, check out this list for the UK, or this list for the US. Also, everyone go watch Paris is Burning (1990). Right now. I’ll wait.

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/06/pride-week-final-fantasy-7/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=pride-week-final-fantasy-7

[sporadicfangurl]

Michael x Alex x Maria

So, after tonight's episode of Rosewell, I have some thoughts and feelings about the relationship between Michael, Alex, and Maria. Since the episode's airing, a lot of people (i.e. Malex stans) have been complaining about the threesome that took place between the three of them tonight. I read that the threesome and Miluca being together by the end of the episode is somehow an example of "queerbaiting" and a "disservice to the queer community".  I've also read that Maria apparently manipulated and coerced Alex into the threesome and how Alex participating makes him weak or whatever because he's gay and not attracted to Maria sexually and what not. 

First and foremost speaking for myself personally, I don't see how Michael and Maria getting into a relationship is queerbaiting. Going off of the definition of what queerbaiting is; a marketing technique for fiction and entertainment in which creators hint at, but then do not actually depict, same-sex romance or other forms of LGBTQ representation. Michael and Alex are canon highschool sweethearts who we've seen multiple sex scenes and other forms intimacy from and who unquestionably still love each other. Whether or not Michael and Alex every get back together it doesn't change their history or the shared love between them. Now to me, queerbaiting is the ship of destiel (Dean Winchester & Castiel from the show Supernatural) or the character of Stiles from Teen Wolf who although there were scenes of him sprinkled throughout the series that implied he could be bisexual he was never canonically made bisexual.

Speaking of bisexual, for those who haven't been paying attention, Michael Guerin is canonically an open and proud bisexual man and in the event that the series doesn't end with him being with a man it won't somehow invalidate his sexuality. Michael being in a relationship with Maria doesn't suddenly make him straight no more than him being in a relationship with Alex made him gay. He isn't either. Michael is bi and thus he is attracted to and can fall in love with people of both genders as he clearly has. Trying to make it seem like Michael being with a woman somehow takes away his place in the LGBTQ to me is a prime example of bi-erasure and incredibly biphobia. 

I've also seen a few people say that Michael falling for two people at the same time plays into the trope that bisexuals are unable to commit and lust after everyone is wrong as I see Michael's love life to have more to do with his abandonment issues and longing for connection than it does to his sexuality. Max and Isabel being adopted and raised together as siblings while Michael was bounced around multiple abusive homes as a child was certainly a traumatic experience for Michael that left him with all kinds of damage that have affected his personal relationships. He attempts to keep people at arm's length but he always craves love and human connection. According to Alex ( in 1x09), although they've loved each other they've never known each other that well. Personally, I feel like both Alex and Michael were so deprived of love during their childhood that when they found each other they latched onto each other so easily because they just both needed and craved connection and affection. Michael fell for Alex because (outside of Max and Isabel) he was the first person to show him genuine kindness (allowing him to stay in his family's shed because of him being homeless) and them having a commonality and their shitty home lives. I feel like Michael grew to love Maria out of a friendship that evolved into caring that really cemented when Maria's mom was missing. He met two people that he cared for and tried to push away (Alex with the angst, Maria by making out with that random chick at her bar) but deep down Michael does truly want to love/be loved by someone which is why it's so hard for him to push either one of them away permanently. 

Getting to the threesome that took place in the episode; Alex was not manipulated into the threesome. Or at this very least I didn't interpret the scene that way. From my point of view; Alex, Michael, and Maria went through a terribly horrifying experience together that left them all feeling shaken and in need of comfort. Alex had been stabbed (could have died) and in the time it took him to get to his feet probably had a dozen bad scenarios take place in his head about what could have happened to Maria. Maria went through being attacked by an ax-wielding crazy man who she thought possibly killed Alex and watched assault, Michael. And Michael went through believing that he had possibly lost two people that he very much loves (which on the cusp of everything that just went down with him thinking he could have lost Max and very recently watching his mother die in a terrible explosion couldn't have been great on his psyche) and he was hit an ax (fortunately not the sharp-end of it but am sure the shit still hurt). Three people, who are all intertwined in this complex (and really beautiful) relationship filled with connection, history, and love went through this shared ordeal and after everything, they shared a profound moment of intimacy. 

Now some want to say that Maria coerced Alex into it but I didn't read the scene that way. To me, when Alex was uncomfortable about being involved in the threesome because if he felt that way he would have left. When the scene first starts I feel Alex is in this process of shock still kind of reeling over everything that happened with those weird-ass twins. When Michael tells the two of them that he almost lost them and then he and Maria kissed; I feel like Alex was thrown by their intimacy as hearing about two people that love loving each other and actually witnessing it with your own eyes are two completely different things. He initially says that he should go as Michael and Maria are clearly in the midst of sharing a very intimate moment but when Maria extends that moment to Alex and gives him an open invitation to stay and be with them he does.

Now we have no idea what the hell transpired once things went to black. People saying that because Alex is gay this is fucked up and what not and him sleeping with a woman is a disservice to his character and a whole bunch of other things to which I again don't agree with. For one, Alex dick probably went nowhere near Maria's vagina that whole interaction. More than likely there was at most a lot of heavy petting on their parts and all the actual intercourse was involved Michael living his greatest bisexual wet dream out. I don't know. No one knows. The point is that while Alex has stated he is gay, he has also said in this episode that kissing Maria was the first time he ever enjoyed touching another person. He is comfortable with Maria and however a person chooses to interpret their love you cannot deny that there is love there. Even if that love doesn't translate to a mutual sexual attraction they do both love each other deeply. Hell, if Alex was straight they've both made it clear that they'd be married and living happily ever after. It was a complicated situation mixed with high emotions and three consenting adults made a choice. That is what happened. It was all that happened. Alex was raped or forced to do anything that he didn't want to do. Maria clearly didn't want any of them to be alone but if Alex had been adamant about wanting to go she wouldn't have forced him to stay. More than likely she would have probably ended up leaving with him because dammit they started that trip together and her being the kind of person that she is she would have chosen her relationship with Alex over boning Michael.  

The fact that they had Alex (according to himself) say that he had never been in a relationship before during the car ride with him and Maria earlier on says a lot about why he chose to end things with Michael the morning after. While he isn't ashamed of who he is, his relationship with Michael is messy at best and for all the good memories he has with him there are just as many bad if not more so. The night the three of them shared together was probably the most loved any of them have ever felt. It was special but it doesn't change all the messiness between Alex and Michael and I think Alex just needs time to find himself and discover what he likes and wants. In his 20+ years of life, Alex would say that he's dated no one, been in love with one guy, and the only other sexual/romantic moment he's ever felt is with his best friend he kissed once during seven minutes in heaven. Between his father being a dick and all the years spent in the military, Alex hasn't really had an opportunity to figure out what he wants and likes in a romantic partner. Which coming back home and immediately falling back into things with Michael probably hasn't helped. 

This is where I think the new guy with the green-hair comes in. A fresh clean slate that I think will help him discover things about himself when it comes to those aspects of his life. While I definitely don't see this relationship being endgame, I do think it may play an integral part in Alex's character growth and development. Personally, my dream scenario by the series end would be a blissful throuple between Alex, Michael, and Maria. I've never seen the original Rosewell so whether or not my alien babies are meant to one day go back to their home planet is a mystery to me but if not am down with this show taking a page out of Siren's playbook and bringing on the polygamy. Now I know a lot of people will be like that ain't gonna work because Alex is gay but who's to say Alex can't be a biromantic homosexual. He could be sexually attracted and getting his back blown out by Michael while still feeling a deep love and connection to Maria that allows my throuple ship to sail. Don't come for my dreams!

Anyways, I ship Malex, Miluca and whatever the ship name between the three of them would be because quite frankly am down for Michael getting as much love as he can get and the relationship between the three of them is just amazing and wonderful and all my babies deserve nice things. So, that is my stance on it all. Am hoping that this threesome doesn't lead to ship wars or people acting the actors because it's always instances like this that bring out the ugly side of fandoms that I hate so much. No matter what you think of the current storylines going on I hope everyone remembers that everything going on right now is fiction. None of these people exist and with a very real global pandemic going on right now the last thing these actors need is people forgetting the fact that they are not they're characters and spewing hate at them for acting out someone else's vision. They are just characters in another person's story and even if you don't agree with the story being told it's no reason to be a dick. So please don't be a dick to real people over fictional characters. 

(Fair warning and apologizes to anyone who makes it to the end of my rambles. It was incredibly earlier (and or late depending on how you see it) when I wrote this all out thus there is likely a crazy amount of grammatical errors throughout this post. I had just seen so much negativity surrounding my three most favorite characters in this show and the fact that so many people hated something that I loved seeing so much just made it hard for me to shut off my brain and go to sleep. Sorry again for the long post, I would have put it under a Read More tab thing but I don't typically post on Tumblr (as I usually just like and reblog stuff I like/agree with) and don't really know how to operate the site.) 

[savor-the-insanity]

Bisexuality, the fight for being distinguished

I found an old essay I had written for one of my college freshmen english classes I thought some of you might enjoy. (not edited from when i wrote it in 2013.)

I got an A-

Bisexuality, the fight for being distinguished

“There is no single accepted definition of bisexuality.” - The Gale Encyclopedia of Psychology

Bisexuality is a specific sexual orientation because it is not a choice, a phase, or a path to homosexuality. People have these views on bisexuality that are mislead and not true. Many bisexuals have faced discrimination and criticism their whole lives from both heterosexuals and homosexuals alike. They are identified as something abstract instead of their appropriate specific orientation. Bisexuals usually aren’t comfortable with their bisexuality because they are somewhere between the sexual orientation spectrum. It usually isn’t an equal attraction to both sexes, they will feel more towards one sex than the other. It can be confusing to them on what to call themselves or how they view themselves. It is hard when it isn’t a set line like heterosexual or homosexual, but there are things that bisexuals aren't, and people need to understand these so bisexuals can live comfortable lives and accept their orientation without being criticized by others. Being bisexual is a specific orientation. They didn’t choose how they feel and who they are attracted to. They don’t deserve the way they are treated because of who they are.

“The term bisexual has been used in biology for structures or individuals or aggregates of individuals that include the anatomy or functions of both sexes.” (Lerner, 116)  To sum it up, creature or animals that have both sets of reproductive organs. We have now grown past this definition and renamed these individuals hermaphrodites. Since this biological definition has been around so long, there hasn’t been a lot of time up till the early 20th century to figure out the definition of the sexual orientation word, bisexual. Compared to the word heterosexual and homosexual which has been around much longer, dating back to the ancient greeks, they have had time to refine their definition and have it be understood by many. Another problem with the defining of bisexuality has also been the lack of funding in the research field. Since it is a, comparingly, new issue, there hasn’t been a lot of time spent on researching the medical and biological reason for bisexuality, as there has been for homo and heterosexuality. The first breakthrough was in the 1940’s when Alfred Kindsey  proposed a scale to measure one’s sexual orientation. Adding onto his research has been slow and is still developing, but there has been some new advances that has made it easier to define bisexuality.

Being bisexual isn’t a choice, just as heterosexuality and homosexuality isn’t a choice, it is a way of feeling and a way of thinking. If being bisexual was a choice, then when did everyone else choose not to? You never did, it was just a way you always felt. People can’t explain why after spending time with a certain person, you are attracted to them more than others, where you want to spend more time with them and want to get closer to them. For bisexuals, they get this feeling for both sexes, not just one. You can’t control your sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is one's emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction to another person. (Reichart, 901) Many researches and phycologists have agreed that there are  factors that  influence a person’s sexual preference, these are biological and environmental influences, as well as genetic predispositions (Reichar, 902). You can’t choose your genetics or your biology, so you can’t choose you’re sexual orientation. Many people want to be taller, or shorter and wish that they had different hair or figure, but you can’t change any of it, it is as much as part of your genetics and biology as your sexual orientation.

Sex researcher Alfred Kinsey who founded the Institute for Sex Research at Indiana University, believed that sexual orientation in humans is complex, that almost no-one is completely heterosexual or completely homosexual, but that people fall somewhere in between the two. Though being bisexual isn’t a choice, how they choose to view themselves is. There are times in some people’s lives when they are confused about their sexuality and will experiment with the same sex. Just because this may happen, a person isn’t branded a bisexual. Once a person is comfortable with their sexual orientation, they should have the option of viewing themselves how they please, as a bisexual and not a sorta-homosexual but more heterosexual or anything along those lines. Sometimes people do have phases of confusion in their lives.  Being bisexual isn’t a straightforward fifty-fifty attraction to both sexes. They can feel more attracted towards one sex than the other, but still can label themselves as bisexuals. They can also be sexual attracted to one gender, but romantically attracted to the other, any combination of the three attractions that make up someone’s sexual orientation are possibilities of someone identifying themselves as bisexuals. Even though there are a lot of possible ways that a person can define themselves as bisexuals, it shouldn’t make the definition any less specific because of it. Being bisexual is still a specific sexual orientation because it isn’t just phase, it is a determined classification.  

People tend to think that being bisexual isn’t as realistic as being homosexual or heterosexual, because you aren’t picking a side. It is thought that when you are heterosexual or homosexual, you have chosen a specific orientation, but bisexual people are criticized that they are just transitioning into homosexuality because there isn’t a defined “line”. There is pressure in the current age for a person to choose a specific sexual preference. Bisexuals seem to threaten other people because they are defying the common thoughts that there is a clearly defined line between homosexuality and heterosexuality. Bisexuals aren’t accepted by either group because they aren’t specifically aligned to that orientation. They are considered “too gay” to be straight, but also “too straight” to be gay (Strickland, 85). Bisexuals aren’t sure on their orientation because of society trying to make orientations have specific guidelines and rules to them, but they don’t have to be. Bisexuality is a specific orientation because it is more than a transition into homosexual. It is hard for bisexual people to figure out during their lives, once they have oriented themselves, which gender they are attracted to in which ways as stated previously about all the different ways a person can be bisexual. It seems to be hard concept to grasp for other people that a person can be between heterosexuality and homosexuality. That is why it is said that bisexuality is just a person transition into homosexuality because people like to think that there is only two orientations. If they can break free from these concepts and accept a different definition of bisexuality, then bisexual people can be more comfortable with themselves and others and also lead a healthier and more defined lifestyle.

Many people when debating whether bisexuality is an actual orientation often say things like , “the only men who call themselves 'bi' are those who are actually GAY but too cowed or scared or conditioned to accept it,” and, “The bisexuals can do whatever and whomever they want, if they are true bisexuals they have no idea of the struggles the L,G, and T's face and have always faced.” These are quotes from a popular blog called, “queers united.” When questions are asked about bisexuality and whether the term is out-dated or even a real term, many of these posts and quotes can be seen. The common fact that is stated, is that bisexuals don’t understand the struggle that lesbians, gays, and transexuals have faced and will never know because they can go either way around different groups of people. This is shocking and unsettling that people who go through the fight for their sexual orientation would throw out and argue against one. Bisexuals do understand the fight because many of them have fought also. A bi-sexual woman can love and want to marry a women and has to fight just as hard for homosexuals for it. Just because she might also be attracted to men, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want the same thing as homosexuals in this case. Many people anonymously said on the blogs that because of these thoughts and lack of support is the very reason why they have to hide their orientation and why they can’t fight. They are being repressed and left to fend for themselves instead of being able to rely on the L,G, and T’s in most LGBT support groups and protests. Another example is of a bisexual man who, though he is married to a women, still is attracted to men and wants to fight for his fellow LGBT’s rights to marry and love whoever they want. Bisexuals should be able to be thought of as having support from there fellows without being criticized.

Bisexuality is a confusing concept and definition because there isn’t an accepted definition. Bisexual people have a problem finding support groups for their problems because homosexual support groups turn them away for not being completely homosexual and heterosexual support groups turn them away for not being completely heterosexual. If there can be a more defined definition like mine, then bisexuals can create support groups for themselves. Bisexual people tend to be friends and talk to each other because they understand each other. A simple example is a blog on Tumblr called, “Bi-confessions,” where people post their hardships of being bisexual and get acceptance and understand from other posts. Even though this is a good thing, bisexuals should be able to go to other sexual orientations for support without the previously stated criticisms and assumptions. If other people can understand how being bisexual is specific sexual orientation and a specific attraction to both genders, whether sexual, romantic or physical then bisexuals can lead a life without criticism and uncertainty.

Works cited

Daeg de Mott, Dianne K. "Bisexuality." The Gale Encyclopedia of Psychology. Ed. Bonnie Strickland. 2nd ed. Detroit: Gale, 2001. 84-85. Gale Virtual Reference Library. Web. 12 Nov. 2012.

Reichert, Andrew D. "Sexual Orientation." Encyclopedia of Educational Psychology. Ed. Neil J. Salkind and Kristin Rasmussen. Vol. 2. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, 2008. 901-903. Gale Virtual Reference Library. Web. 12 Nov. 2012.

"Heterosexuality." The Gale Encyclopedia of Psychology. Ed. Bonnie Strickland. 2nd ed. Detroit: Gale, 2001. 302-303. Gale Virtual Reference Library. Web. 12 Nov. 2012.

"Bisexuality." Gender Issues and Sexuality: Essential Primary Sources. Ed. K. Lee Lerner, Brenda Wilmoth Lerner, and Adrienne Wilmoth Lerner. Detroit: Gale, 2006. 115-118. Gale Virtual Reference Library. Web. 19 Nov. 2012.

Wells, Ken R. "Homosexuality and Bisexuality." The Gale Encyclopedia of Children's Health: Infancy through Adolescence. Ed. Kristine Krapp and Jeffrey Wilson. Vol. 2. Detroit: Gale, 2006. 917-921. Gale Virtual Reference Library. Web. 18 Nov. 2012.